KFC Radio - Kevin Ryan & H. Foley, Bill Belichick Knows High Fashion, Abandoning Your Girlfriend on A Mountain

Episode Date: September 24, 2020

Subscribe, Rate, and Leave a Review! - Feits has an issue with OnlyFans - Bill Belichick rocked a tattered hoodie at a press conference and the guys are here for it - AITA Thursday returns with a guy who left his girlfriend on a mountain and another guy who blames his wife for them being homeless - Voicemails include Top 5 Scorsese movies and getting a bj through a condom -Kevin Ryan & H. Foley of the Are You Garbage Podcast join the show! We discuss how they met, came up with the concept for the show, and how they'll adapt it in the future. We also talk about the stuff that makes us garbage and it's "surprisingly" a lot. Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @FeitsBarstool @HFoleyOnIce @KevinRyanComedy Subscribe to our youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/kfcradioYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Heidelberg's got to stop talking. Dude, remind me to never fucking pull a bank job with you. Ready to rock? I am hot. Good to go. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network.

Take off your flannel, you dickhead. No, it's part of my ensemble. I look great today. Can we talk about that real quick? This was an outfit I just kind of threw together, and I think I look fantastic. I'm not saying this in a bad way. I think you just look like you. You always look this good.

Yeah, I thought I looked particularly good today. I don't know why. I think it's more I'm just proud of how I have access to very little clothes right now because nothing's unpacked. So I'm putting together outfits. You're doing almost like one of those reality show challenges. Yes, exactly. You have to make an outfit using two pieces of clothing.

That's exactly what I'm doing. Well, you are a modern day hero, John. I know. Let me tell you what. I've got Michelangelo's grandfather. You wouldn't get that unless you watched the run down which we just filmed 10 minutes ago. But Michelangelo's, not grandfather, uncle. Great uncle. I think you guys are pretty stupid for not thinking that his name watched the rundown. It was filmed 10 minutes ago. Michael Angelo's not grandfather, uncle.

Great uncle. I think you guys are pretty stupid for not thinking that his name was Michael Angelo. Oh, hang on a second. The stupidity brought this out. I was right about yeast. There's a reason I walked away. So, all right, let's catch up. We got a lot going on right now.

We did the rundown. First of all, fights thought that Michael Angelo's name was Michelangelo Jones. It's like his name is Michelangelo. To be fair, it's because his father calls him Michelangelo. Right, but I think that's just them fucking around. I guess. Which is weird to name your kid something stupid like that and then play into the joke. If anything that you did, they'd be like, no, his name's just Michael because his fucking great uncle died in world war ii and that's why his name is michael but instead he's

like that's funny michael angelo so yes that is a little weird um and then on the rundown uh we talked about dominoes because rory mcelroy said uh he's on a dominoes kick and that was in the news uh we actually also just coincidentally talk about uh Domino's today on our interview with the guys from RU Garbage, Kevin and Foley, which is a very funny interview. That'll be at the back end of this episode. I think I laughed an annoying amount. Yeah, it was like one of those. I was laughing so often. It was like one of those, like, that shouldn't even be recorded.

That was just like a conversation between two four guys just hanging out. But we talked, so we're talking about Domino's on the rundown and I, my pet peeve about Domino's pizza. I love the cheesy bread, I love the sides and the desserts. The pizza they make with that, like, sand that they throw everywhere. It's like seasoning and flour. Very sandy pizza.

And so we started to debate, what is that? Some idiots say it was flour. I'm like, it's very clearly not just flour. Maybe flour is in there, but there must be some sort of gritty seasoning or whatever. And then yeast came up because somebody, Kevin Bonner, Googled yeast and yeast apparently looked like that sand. And then fight says, is yeast the same as yeast, which is a dumb thing that makes you want to chop his head off with an ax. But I do understand what he's saying. Like there's yeast infections, which we know is something that's like disgusting

stinky i mean i think of it as like i don't know for sure but i think of it as like a tangible i think it was a goo yeah not a sand yeah so i'm like uh no i don't think they're taking that and putting it on pizza but and then everyone started laughing at john making fun of him and i just slowly slinked away because i was like, I don't know the answer here. And there is a chance because we do weird things with food. Cheese is mold and things are fermented and all that kind of shit. So I was like, there's a chance. It's not obviously straight from a dirty vagina.

I'm not saying you scoop it out of the vagina and you put it on bread. But the idea is the same. They are the same. Right. They're both the yeast fungus. The stool scenes cameras were out and everyone was like, you know. They are the same. Right. They're both the yeast fungus. And everyone, the stool scenes cameras were out and everyone was like, yeah, you fucking idiot. And I walked over to Trent and I said, I'm walking

away because I don't know the answer. Liz was like, no, yeast is yeast and yeast is yeast. And I was like, you're just using like, like, I can't think of a word like, what is twisted? It's when you twist something. Yeah. No, that's not, that doesn't tell me what it is. You know what that is? It's not exactly the same, but when I say, how can planes fly in the air?

And they go, lift. Lift. Yeah, yeah. How does boats float? Buoyancy. I know the words. I'm trying to understand what is going on here. You're not explaining it to me.

Same thing with the yeast and the pizza. And I had to teach Liz about how vaginas worked. But it was. She did not walk away with a good lesson there. Because you don't know anything about those things, nor do I. I just know it's But apparently it doesn't, Liz. That's it. So yeah, every time you're eating pizza

and leavened bread, just think about dirty vaginas. Gross. We gotta cleanse our palate right now with some screwball whiskey. Screwball is... Let me hit that screwball. Let me hit that screwball.

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and they make good whiskey. Go to screwballwhiskey.com and check it out. Today, or last episode, Tuesday, came out, as did our episode of Answer the Internet. Now, Answer the Internet has been in a... I feel like almost everything at Barstool

has really not missed a beat throughout all of COVID. We were able to Zoom all of our interviews. We were able to get these radio kits at home. It was a little weird at first, and then we got into it. Right, we figured it out. The kits at home, so serious. XM kept rolling. Vibs got fucked with Lower in the Bar. That took a bad hit.

And one of the other things that, interestingly enough, took a hit was Answer the Internet, because I figured we could still do that via Zoom. It's still just people talking and joking. And we found out that over Zoom, it just absolutely does not translate. I don't know whether it's the setting. I don't know whether...

I feel like when I'm on Zoom, I'm prone to talk more. So it became more like a conversation rather than a one man or one woman performance. Which then worked it into. Now it became a podcast segment. Yeah. So we found good that came out of it.

Whenever we would laugh, their microphones would kind of cut out. But if we didn't laugh, they felt like they were bombing. It just did not work. And then again, the set, the look, the thing about Answer the Internet, you get the same thing every time, one person in front of the gray screen. And so we've had, unfortunately, we had some great people interview on the show, and we tried to do it with them. Colin Quinn would have been, you know, one of our monster episodes,

and, you know, the views didn't translate. My point being that I had gotten used to the dopamine rush of Tuesday night views. I mean, it was like when we had the Million Views Club, we would have guys and girls regularly get hundreds of thousands of views

watching something get picked up by the algorithm. Oh, better than porn. It was, though. Yeah, really. Really. And what brought us back? And what brought us back? Porn. It's always there for you, baby. It's always there for you.

When people are like, you guys are weird with porn. You like porn too much. Fuck you. Porn's important. Why do you say people say that? People say that all the time. To who? To me. To us. I don't think so. All the time. People get the prudes of the world who watch, who listen and watch, who like, you know,

clutch their pearls and get all upset because we talk about porn or we interview porn stars or whatever. Fucking losers. I could not care less about that opinion. It's true, man. And Lana Rhodes and Mike brought us back from the dead. A few hundred thousand views on YouTube, and we are back, baby! So porn is there for you.

Porn is there for us. You know what it is? It's almost like gambling for Dan and Dave. They are winning at gambling corporate style. They're losing when they gamble. But because they've made a name for themselves they're going to get pen stock and they're going to be rich because of that we are like not in the porn game but porn is making our content you know between answer the internet and the interviews we've done and everything i i found them i said this uh i think on the interview yeah the interview later today with

kevin and foley i found them to all be like some of the most interesting people we've ever talked to. I agree with that 100%. Because they've just gone to a place in life that like so few people go. It's an interesting place. Right. They have – if you're in pornography, you have an interesting journey. Like very few people. It could be just like I graduated from Harvard and then I wanted to get fucked in the ass.

And like that's interesting. Sure. That's cool too. And sometimes it's tragic. Sometimes it's accidental. But whatever it's accidental but whatever it is it's almost like talking to a pro athlete it's like there's very few people and then the ones we talk to are like the very few who make it to the top

and it is funny too though because the reason I bring up the haters is like they'll they'll say something like oh they're weirded out by it or like we're whatever there's a reason why all the downloads are the highest and all the views are the highest. It's like, because all you motherfuckers are watching too because it is just weirdly wild.

There's a reason why I search behind the scenes, brother. I just want to see these people in their element. And so Mike and Lana step up to answer the internet. And God, some of those answers, man. And I assure you, if you watch it, go watch it. A lot of the questions on Answer the Internet are about, would you do this for a million dollars? Or how much money could you make if?

And Lana was like, I don't need a million dollars. I can make that posting pictures on OnlyFans. She said three or four pictures, right? One question was, would you count to a million for a million dollars and she was like no i could just post three pictures and get a million dollars and i was like get the fuck out i thought that was because of the camera and then i talked to her off camera she's like yeah you idiot and then there was one that was like would you rather have a million dollars to work hard hours or a hundred thousand dollars to do nothing and mike was like well lana already makes three million dollars to do nothing she's the number one porn star but doesn't do porn anymore,

so she's literally making money for nothing. But good for her. She paid her dues, bro. How much money is she getting? You don't get paid for being on Pornhub. I think you do. I think you do. You can sell videos on Pornhub on Modelhub.

I think she's doing that, but I bet you there's a royalties type of thing going on too. I would think no because I've watched an OnlyFans documentary about why they – why OnlyFans – and it's like a 12-minute short documentary done by like a YouTuber. It's not this grand project. why it started and why it took off so well and why it was so embraced by the adult entertainment industry because it was all after Mia Khalifa. It was Mia Khalifa. She was more searched than Nick Jonas that year, who had the sixth highest album, sixth highest grossing album.

She was a more searched Google term than Nick Jonas. I'll be honest. That doesn't move the needle for me. Well, I mean, she did like 12 billion views or something like that, too. Yeah, but I mean, I would imagine that porn stars are bigger, more searched than Nick Jonas. Oops. I don't think so.

That surprised me. I would guess there's not another porn star in the top 50. I guess. I mean, I would always imagine that the top porn star of the moment is one of the most searched people on the internet. Okay, but 12 billion views and she made $12,000. But people on the internet on porn

are like, she's an idiot. I don't think she knew what the fuck she was doing. Agreed, but not knowing what the fuck you're doing $12,000 to be the most famous porn star. She was the most famous porn star for like a decade. Yeah, so weird decade just that one video but I also

you can't call yourself a porn star if you're into anal I really do think that was more of a like a cultural that was like kinda like I think it's like a Fugazi billions of views because it was not out of like porn it was out of like religion and middle east

and all sorts of weird shit going on i don't think it was just like i mean these are views their views yes but i but i people no they're not though their views are not views we know that views are not views i mean everyone you can get views and not be like a talented person in your field and i think that's exactly what she is oh agreed yeah but she got the views so she got them yes but i think there's a reason why she didn't get money it's like you can get views and be like an internet company

and not get money because it's like you don't get conversions you don't get like whatever you know what I mean like I don't think views tell the whole story

that's like with promo codes and stuff like that she just she just did she just did sex yeah like it happened right

and then people watched it yeah and she didn't get any money she didn't get any money yeah I think that's more her fault it's not like she was like saying a promo code in the middle of her I was asking I asked No Face Girl and she didn't get any money. She didn't get any money. Yeah, I think that's more her fault. It's not like she was saying a promo code in the middle of her logo. I was asking NoFaceGirl, and she was like, Pornhub is my main stream of income. So you must be able to make money somehow.

Yeah, I mean, they sell videos. Yeah. But I know that. I don't know if you make it over. Like residuals or whatever, yeah. But she, but Lana being like, I mean, I can understand her point of view because I like what we do, and work becomes work. And I don't want to do a podcast, even though I like doing podcasts.

I don't want to talk about the Mets, even though I love talking about the Mets, just because it's like, ugh, it's on my work schedule. I have to do it now. So that sucks. She feels that way, and I understand it. But she's talking about literally just snap a picture, push a button, make a million dollars. And I do want to say this. There's going to come a day, Lana, it happens to everybody, where you're not going to be able to make a million dollars posting three pictures.

And you're going to be like, I should have posted three pictures. I wish I posted six pictures. I wish I posted 70 pictures every week for the next 20 years while I still got it. But while we're talking about it, I have a major issue with OnlyFans. I love that you're in deep enough

now to be like a critic of the OnlyFans. There was a two week stretch where it was the only thing we talked about. It got to be too much. We went over the top with it. There's no doubt about that much. Yep. It went, we went over the top with it. There's no doubt about that. Oh, I don't believe we went over the top with it,

but well, not over the top, but a little over the top. We talked about it every, every day. I could, I, I think we slowed down.

I think it's the most, I think it's a full blown revolution, but I understand your point. Yes. And it's, I've gotten into the game now. And so we started it. We said,

any KC radio listeners, we will follow you. We'll retweet you. We'll support your cause. Which we still will, by the way. Which, yes, again, if anyone new is listening to this episode, I will find you. I've been finding you. Jesus Christ, follow you.

Brian Mills on them. I will find you, and I will jerk off to you. I have a very particular set of skills. But here's my deal. Because once I started an account to follow KFC Radio listeners, which also I've changed my name because I started following too many people, so I was just John Feidelberg. I don't think I ever told you what my name is on there.

I told Jared this. Did I ever tell you what my name is on there? No. I have no idea why. Mine is like QVCRAC6. Okay, that's what I should have done. I made one a while ago because Jared knew of a girl personally who was on there, and he vouched, and I was like, I got to take a look.

And I signed up, and I didn't. I had the presence of mind to not put my name on there just because it is a little weird for people being like, you know, there's Kevin Clancy's account. Do you know what my OnlyFans name is? No. Ubaldo. What? Ubaldo?

Like Ubaldo him and Ed's. Oh, I knew who it was about. I knew. There's only one Ubaldo in history. I have no idea. Just straight up Ubaldo? Yo, that's big time. That's like getting like the Jack. Like straight up Ubaldo? Ubaldo. Yo, that's big time. That's like getting like the at Jack. Like you're Ubaldo.

That is unbelievable. You got to stop posting dick shots. You got to start posting ridiculous pictures. Like this guy doesn't look like Ubaldo at all. This tiny white pecker. I'm Ubaldo over here. Just you naked sitting in front of like a Christmas tree. You naked eating chicken that's not seasoned.

This is my in like the way that like how could I ever start OnlyFans? Oh, it was a joke. It was a Ubaldo joke. Take pictures in front of my Christmas tree. You can get straight up famous being the Ubaldo of OnlyFans. The white Ubaldo with a little dick. That's fucking, that's a hook. You have a hook right off the bat.

The white Ubaldo with a little dick. That's me, man. Fucking Ubaldo. If you're trying to find me, man, come find Ubaldo on OnlyFans. The random hook I just thought of for me Is being naked and just doing Legos He is an ideas man I don't know why that popped in What if I just did fucking you

You are special Your brain It works in mysterious ways It really does You ball though in front of the Christmas tree Underneath it, it's a present, you open it up It's Legos I do them naked Just dick hanging street underneath it it's a present you open it up it's legos yeah pass it to my buddy i do him

naked just dick hanging oh my god we're gonna go to jail uh so but anyway but i do have it okay we yeah we've been a lot of tangents today i got another fucking issue with only fans it's that the porn stars on it don't act like porn stars. They just, and maybe that's their hook. That's their hook. Right? You always see me naked. It's just like, here's the sex. Yes.

It's like a hole behind the scenes. So because I started an account to follow the KFC Radio Girls, I, once it becomes easy, like five bucks, fuck it, double click, Apple Pay, baby. How much do you think at your peak you were paying per month? Oh, my peak is ever growing. My peak is. Didn't expire or whatever?

Well, actually, I guess I unfollowed. Some of them. I unfollowed because I see I'm disappointed. I would say I spent 50 bucks a month on all events. But like, okay, so right now, if I had to guess, I follow three to five KFC radio girls. I follow Christy Mack, Adrian Chechik, Anna Fox. That was a loving smart. Phoenix Marie. Okay.

Riley Reid, you were disappointed. Riley Reid, for sure. Let's say it's those five. Whatever. Skin Diamond in the mix. Skin Diamond's a good one. Sacks. Yeah, she's so fucking hot.

Yeah. And she is one of the good ones because she's not in porn anymore. Right, so that's where she does her porn. That's where she does her porn. Chrissy Mac also a good one because she's not in porn anymore, so she does her shit there. I don't know what Lana's doing, but she's not in porn. I don't know if she's going

hard on her own things. Is she doing... She does some. I think she said on ATI, she's like I don't really like doing it. It's more just like sexy pictures. She'll go definitely full nude. Where like, Cechik, Phoenix Marie, and Friley Reed,

rarely. Really? Like, Lana will go full nude. But that's because you know what they're doing is they DM you and they're like, Cechik, Phoenix Marie, and Folly Reed rarely. Really? Like, Lana will go full nude. But that's because you know what they're doing is like, then they DM you and they're like, 50 bucks. This is the issue. Yeah. I'm trying to support you guys. I'm paying you 7 bucks, 10 bucks, 12 bucks.

They're getting all greedy. Right? And then your DM would be like, 40 bucks for this blowjob video. You got 60 of them on Pornhub. But here's the thing. I'm trying to help you out. I want to support creators. But I mean.

Oh, that's what it's all about. I mean, come on, man. Once again, this is probably about the tenth time I've heard John say that he's stimulating the economy during the quarantine. I'm trying to create jobs here. Like, you're getting a little greedy, is what I'm saying. Johnny Stimulus. I'll give you the stimulus package.

Me and Trista Kirk. Crick, Crick, Crick. Garbage men and fucking porn stars. But this is an important distinction, and I think this is good. I think this is good. Because this is how you know you haven't gone full OnlyFans, like full porn creep. I bought something from the DM.

Okay, you're a full porn creep. Never mind. I take it back. I knew where you were going. I just you're a full point creep. Never mind. I take it back. I knew where you were going. I just wanted to get ahead of it. It happened one time. It happened one time. For how much?

I honestly don't know. Was it like $40? I would guess $30. Yeah, something like that. I'll check my DMs right now. I was explaining to my buddy just last night. We went to dinner, and I was explaining OnlyFans to him. Because have you realized this, by the way?

Do you have much contact with normal people anymore? No. No, right? So my friends are still like normal-ish people, you know? Married with kids, like late 30s now. Like some of them don't even know what OnlyFans is. That's insane. Yeah, that's a little insane. But then some of them

knew what it is, but they really didn't understand the extent of it. And I had a buddy last night who was like, why would anybody pay for porn when it's free? I'm like, you don't understand the creeps that are out there, man. And those are the guys that they can say, hey, honey, this video is just for you. Right. 60 bucks.

So if you were to complain to Riley Reid, I think she would be like, yeah, I know, dude. But the thing is, I'm like exploiting these creeps over here. Yeah. So like, I'm sorry for you, but like, I can make $5 million with these weirdos over here. So sorry. I respect it 100%. Of course I respect the game. Exactly.

But it's frustrating for you. Yeah. Like, for some reason, my DMs aren't loading right now. Also, they DM you nonstop. Yeah. It's like, good morning, baby. They just mash. Watch me fuck myself.

But that's, but again, it's, you're not even paying to look at it. You're paying for the people who see that think that that's real. Like, oh my gosh. This is what Adriana Cedric just posted. It's her dancing in a dress. Adriana, come on. But the weirdos would think that they're in a relationship with her because of OnlyFans.

They're like, you look so beautiful in your dress today, baby. Like, show me. Like, oh, you're getting out of the shower. I hope you have a nice breakfast. Like, fucking dumb shit like that, you know? No, in the back of my mind i knew that i hadn't really registered it a hundred percent it's unfair for the normals of the world right but i'm also like do you girl if you can get fifty dollars a video i mean they must make so much money it's it's not the subscriptions

it's this you know the dm it's they it's DMs. That's the drug dealer. You know when they say, I'll give you a free sample, and then we charge you? The free sample's not even free. The free sample's $8.99 a month, and then they hit you. So they're just double dipping. They're making so much fucking cash. It's insane. And once I start fucking putting the Legos naked, you are.

When Lana is like, I just don't want to do it. Like, fucking do it. Just to do it. Fucking do it. Just fucking do it. Make all the money in the world. I forgot about this. They very often ask you for dick pics. And I'm like, Glennie, leave me alone. You know it's some intern. I know it's someone's social media intern.

I'm not sending you my dick pic. My name is John Feidelberg on here. That must be a thing. You balled away and sent me your dick pic. That must be a thing. Yeah, you balled away and sent me your dick. That must be a thing that they all do. They must make so much on that. Those are the things you don't, like, normal people are like, you're going to pay for a video, what?

And it's like, oh, no, I pay to talk with them. I pay for them to grade my dick pics. I pay for them. They all say, like, I want to grade your dick. Yeah. I'm like, listen, I know, okay? I'll self-grade this test. It's a C-.

Red pen, see me after class, needs improvement. You remember elementary school report cards? It was like E, F, and S.

It was like satisfactory. I was getting the U, like unsatisfactory. You ball those dick. Double U. That must be such a way to make money that they're all like encouraging did you i just went no i don't think so she's like can she's like hey baby can you send me your cock so i can rate it and i went no i don't think so any response yes doesn't hurt to

ask with a kissy face you know what i almost sent her a dick pic well because you're nasty. Man, what a wild ass world we live in, man. But what a, I mean, the Mike and Lana relationship is just, I mean, she's openly like, yeah,

I'm like, Sugar Mom will pay, we'll go all around the world. I blow him in the morning. Mike's doing his vlog. He's making millions himself. I mean, what a fucking couple. Yeah, you can't call yourself a sugar mama if you're dating a million. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he's selling books. You might make more money than me, but you're my sugar mama. You could die tomorrow.

I'd be fine. He was like, all right, enough, enough, enough. But, man, I don't think I would mind that. You can be my sugar mama. And, by the way, I went down the rabbit hole last night just, you know, for old time's sake. Of Lana or ATI? Lana. Yeah. I mean. way i went down the rabbit hole last night uh just you know for old time's sake of lana or ati lana yeah i mean i i she was like barry sanders you know short career but the greatest of all time like the absolute i mean she used i mean i i don't i think i forgot i certainly remember

rubber duckies and strawberries yeah but did you talk to her about that no i i got the impression microphones in front of you you can bring up things that would be inappropriate weird to bring up if we're just talking yeah so like uh you know that hey that bathtub full of milk tell me about that was it warm was it cold uh a good question right a great question what is that i mean it's probably not actually milk right it's probably just warm water with some sort of white, like... Oh, I... You just thought it was... I mean, do you know how much milk you would eat to fill up a hot tub? I don't know.

Enough to be fucking farted out all the time. What is that? They keep milk on porn sets. Trust me. They got it handy. They got milk on decking pin, man. What is that about? I don't know, but it works.

It really works. When I see milk in the title, as long as it's not the nipple milk, you know I'm not into that. Otherwise, I'm like, click. Click, click, click, click. Click. That is a weird. That's when you know you've gone too far, you know?

But that, you know. But, man, she burned bright and hot and put in some work. I mean, she put in a lot of work. And it works for everybody, too. Like, girls love her, guys love her. Absolutely. Dude, last night we went ATI, Lana only fans, intercourse. It was...

It's a natural progression. It's a natural progression. It's like, well, that was funny, and she's pretty cute. oh well that's cute and she's really hot we fucking we have a text shout out to lana that's probably she's probably done more for a couple's porn together than like any couple ever she uh because she also is just like you are pretty enough to be like a hollywood superstar not a porn star superstar you could be you're just like stunning you are you're doing it's a good hundreds of thousands. They got a good thing going, those kids.

I think they're going to make it, those kids. I said on the blog, I said, these are just two sexy, well, one sexy person and Mike. Sorry, Mike. But, man, they are killing the game. So go watch ATI and go subscribe to OnlyFans and send your dick pic around. You can find me on there. You ball, though. TMI.

It was just like a random generation. I filed 18 people. That works. TMI. See, it's weird. It's just not. I think only fans have you down. I was going to say, you might have got banned or something the way this sounds.

My tweets aren't loading. It's not loading at all. Either way, sign up. Get a little sexy. Speaking of sexy, Bill Belichick this morning. I hate the man, but sexy, sexy. It's brought to you by Tile. Fuck, I don't have my keys on me.

Tile, revolutionary. Game changer. Oh, for you, of course. I invented this. Did you? Like 20 years ago. I want Tile. I want fucking royalties.

I actually... You know when you have dumb ideas? Like, let's invent this. Exclusively. But you know you never do anything? The only kind I have. I once didn't accomplish anything. But I took steps to try to make this.

I tried to figure out how to patent an idea and all that i didn't do it really but i was like see that this is a good it does count like hand like at least i get like one percent or something like that when when my history i was like it's mine yes like legally that should stand up i was i was a teenager and i was like we need and my mom was losing shit all the time and i was like we need uh need, we called it call your keys. At that point, it wasn't smartphones and shit. It was more like you could call. That's how old it was.

It was like you'd call on a fucking house phone and it would ring. And then you can find your keys. And then I think throughout the years, the Brookstones of the world and the sharper images and shit tried to come out with ones. Now Tile is here. I lose my shit all the time i misplace my things all the time i have kids one time my brother's kid took my keys and put them in like a toy like uh it was like a fire engine that he rides on and he opened it up and put it in like the hatch and closed it and i lose my keys all the time so i'm at my parents house and i'm like

guys i don't know my keys are again and they're like fuck you lost them again and i'm like i swear to god this time guys i put them on the table because like i know i'm gonna lose them and nobody believed me and i lost i i had to ask my neighbors to let me in the house i was like i didn't know what i was gonna do and my brother like on a whim just asks his kid and he was like oh yeah i put the keys in like the secret place and he was like what's the secret place and they had to talk it through. We find the keys. It was a whole fiasco.

And if I had tile, I would have been able to find them. But here's the deal. So tile is a key chain. And it's a, I don't have my wallet either. It's a, clearly I need this tile. No, it's just not my desk. It has like a card that you can slide into your wallet. So you can call your wallet as well.

The kicker is that now because everything is smartphones, it's a two-way street. So if I lose my phone but I have my keys, I can push a button on the key chain and my phone rings. Oh, really? Yeah. That's what I really need because keys and wallet, I will misplace every now and then. But my phone it falls out of your pocket in your sweatpants and it goes down the crack of your fucking couch falls underneath the seat of your car so now it's more really about finding my phone not finding my

keys or my wallet i did not know it's a two-way street that's pretty good fucking awesome so i set it up it's real easy you turn on bluetooth you pair it uh and it just comes it has like a little its own like little alarm bell ringing noise and so uh you can find your shit so if you have your phone you can find your keys your wallet so you set it up like it just has you know click here to push to find your wallet click here to find your keys and it has a whole bunch of them you can do two wallets multiple phones so if i wanted to find my phone i can make make it ring. So, I mean, this is revolutionary. Well, not revolutionary because you invented it.

I did. Blast you, Tile. Damn you to hell. For the limited edition Tile, go to tile.com slash KFC. That's T-I-L-E dot com slash KFC. And you can get the limited edition collection. That's also, what's cool too.

I think you grabbed my keys the other day and looked at it. Did you? No, I don't think so. Somebody did. Who was I with? Somebody grabbed my keys and it's just like a little square and it kind of has like almost like a tie dye logo on it.

And, uh, I just remember someone taking a look at it and I was like, that's my tile, bitch. Uh, so you can find your keys, you can find your wallet,

you can find your phone, two way street, never lose your stuff again. And can find your wallet. You can find your phone. Two-way street. Never lose your stuff again. And if you want it to look cool on your keychain, it's got limited edition prints and colors. And like I said, mine, whoever it was, I think it was you. I just don't think you realized you did it because I don't have like anybody else in my life. And it looks like a cool keychain too. So one of a kind, exclusive designs.

They go fast. Get yours at tile.com slash KFC. T-I-L-E dot com slash KFC. And never lose your shit again. Bill Belichick. I hate his guts. I don't like his shtick. And I obviously hate him out of jealousy and misery.

But I have always appreciated that he shows up to work looking absolutely preposterous. He looks like Frank the Tank. And yeah, this time.osterous. He looks like Frank the Tank. And yeah, this time, this was like the Tuesday morning, Wednesday morning, you know, what, press conference, whatever. And he's been doing this for decades now. This was his magnum opus. This was his coup de grace. This was his Mona Lisa.

He looked more disheveled, and his shirt looked more, what was the word you used? Tattered. Tattered. Yeah, it was quite Mona Lisa. He looked more disheveled and his shirt looked more. What was the word you used? Tattered. Tattered. Yeah. I mean, it looked full Frank the Tank. Teeth marks, ripped bacon collar. Hair was like on a slant.

Obviously, of course, the three quarter sleeves. And, you know, that's a professional man showing up to work that day. There was one meeting early in quarantine. I was still living in New York at the time. So it was like that early in quarantine. I lived in New York for two weeks once it started. And there was one meeting we had where I accidentally, I was like, woke up like hungover on the couch and was like, I'm just going to do this meeting. No camera.

And I accidentally turned on add camera. And I accidentally turned on add camera. And I was in like a stretched out t-shirt and my underwear. Was it full? You couldn't see your underwear? No, you couldn't see my underwear. But I knew like, to hold me I was like, don't stand up, don't stand up, don't stand up. And I looked better than Bill.

People hunkered down in quarantine. No haircuts. No makeup. No nothing. No haircuts. No makeup. No nothing. No new clothes. I looked more put together. Because he looks better. Because he looks fantastic.

But I looked more put together. There were people who looked straight up homeless over the last six months. Who looked less homeless than Bill Belichick. Do you think there's a chance he does that on purpose to make the talk of the interview, the press conference, be about his look rather than like what the Patriots are doing?

Boy, if he does, he's the fucking genius. I could really see that. It's so awesome to be so smart that you just get credit for that. You have to.

I know. It's the best place to be. It's the same thing with fancy directors where it's like, oh, he made that purple because he's like, my wife likes purple.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you get credit for everything. Speaking of purple, does Vince Gilligan ever explain the he's like, I just, my wife likes purple. Yeah. Yeah. But you get credit for everything. Speaking of purple, does Vince Gilligan ever explain the purple? Never did. I don't think he does. This is what I mean. Yeah. This is it.

Right. I mean, that was, that was intentional, but there was no, I don't think there's anything behind it. No. I think it was just like, you know, whenever Marie's on camera, it's purple, but there was no like reason behind it. I do think that they kind of say like, let them go play little children. Here's some crumbs,

you know, go nuts. But I could see bill being like, I don't want to, I'm going to get questions about Tom Brady this week. I'm going to get questions about cam, not scoring there. I'm going to get questions about our injuries and what we're doing to prepare.

And I don't want anybody talking about any of that. So I'm, I mean, why else? I'm going to fucking tie myself to a chair and burn cigarettes on my chest. Literally, what – That's what it looks like he did. Why would he have holes in his shirt?

What does he do? He's just an old sweatshirt. I have old sweatshirts, Sean. Do you have 20-year-old sweatshirts? Maybe not 20, but I have old sweatshirts that don't have a single hole in them. Like, why are these weird individual holes? I think he's making those. We know he cuts the sleeves.

Definitely. I think he then just takes the scissors and... Nah, because that's... I mean, that's... It's too well done. Yeah, they're not like scissor cuts, but... For someone who's cut their own things before... But why?

Scissor cuts don't work. What is happening? Is it just the wash is doing that? No way. This is intentional. Maybe he puts rocks in with the wash is doing that no way this is intentional maybe he puts rocks in with the wash stone wash you see i i reposted uh the video uh from sunny the other day of charlie's birthday when they make everything from his dream books yes i say this every time i watch an old

clip that might be my favorite ever like he's like we didn't know if it was, like, a hat for a worm or a hat that's a worm covered in worms. Like, Worm hat. He's just a German guy. He gives him the bat, and he's like, can I go give it a try? I mean, that is maybe the funniest thing ever. Denim chicken. What was it? It was worm hat, denim chicken, and there's one other thing.

Bird with teeth. Yes, the bird. That's the best part. He's like, no, did chicken, and there's one other thing. A bird with teeth. Yes, the bird with teeth. That's the best part. He's like, no, did you find a bird like that? He's like, that doesn't exist in nature, Charlie. Well, either way, great glue work. Incredible. But how?

Why? Why are those shirts like that? And the reason I brought that up is that sounds like something like, well, did you put rocks in the wash? I think it's all one big elaborate scam. I think it's genius. I think it's part of the Belichick way. And as much as I hate it, I have to tip my cap because I have an asshole coach

who's just an asshole naturally and not smart. Weird eyes. Right. If Belichick did that, it'd be like, oh, he's distracted with his eyes. Adam Gase is just an actual lunatic who's on drugs or something. Man, Adam Gase has got to go. We're not going to do a whole Jets thing, but...

I mean, what am I supposed to do for the next two years? Nothing. I guess just wait for Trevor Lawrence. I know. Same thing we try to do every night, Pinky. I mean, I think the Jets are going to go home in 16. I think Carolina's too. So, yeah, I mean, like, I don't know how that works with the tiebreakers on.

Especially without McCaffrey. Okay, so now they're down to no players like the Jets. Sam Darnold's pretty good. He is, but this is not enough. He played pretty good this week, and they've got their doors blown off. I think there's going to be potentially multiple 0-16, 1-15 teams, and then I guess it's strength of schedule and, don't know margin of difference or whatever but they will be in position they will be right there for a number one pick but but you know and also you know what like i

don't even get jealous about that because first of all why would you yeah but like second of all like you'll just ruin trevor lawrence definitely like Darnold was not on that level, but he was good and just ruined him. And it just continually ruins my life. I never really fully bought into your loser franchises. I was just like, that's not how it works. It can't happen that way. What do you think now? I buy into it now.

Yes. Yeah. This is, I think, everybody— And I started, it wasn't today. No. It was probably two or three years ago. When people came to New York, a lot of everybody. I'm sorry. It wasn't today. No. It was probably two or three years ago. When people came to New York, a lot of people think I'm being dramatic, and then they came to New York, and they see the headlines, and they see the games, and they realize they

don't just lose. They do embarrassing things. And everyone started to be like, oh, I kind of get it now. And it's like, it doesn't matter what else happens. That's why. But ownership is the only thing that's never changed for me. Owners are what? It's all top down.

So I think I might just close ranks and just be a Mets fan. Okay. Well, I was going to say, well, just be for color, you know? And if that doesn't work, then I leave everything. But I can't. So you've been in the Knicks too? Yeah. Until Dolan's gone, he might be the worst of all, you know?

I just can't. I can't do it anymore. It is crazy how bad your owners are. They're arguably, and if you, you know, the Islanders are getting better because they got rid of Wong. But, yeah, for baseball, football, and basketball, they arguably had the three worst. Wilpons, Woody Johnson, James Dolan. If not the three worst, like three of the five worst, you know? That's insane.

All in one city. And it's New York City. How did it all end up in New York? And it's like the main capital, you know? There's plenty to do with money here. And it's New York City. How did it all end up in New York? And it's like the main capital, you know? There's plenty to do with money here. I don't know about Woody Johnson, but the other two are sons. When sons of billionaires get handed things, they are assholes. Every time.

Fuck me. Speaking of assholes, let's do a little Am I the Asshole? It's brought to you by Crossrope. Don't be an asshole. Get in shape. Do it in an easy and affordable way. I gotta get back on the Crossrope. I gotta get on easy and affordable way. I got to get back on the crossroad. I got to get on the crossroad.

Not back on, just on the crossroad. Because it stares me in the face. And you were. You were. I didn't like it. And, you know, I got these people who pay like $1,000 a month to go to these gyms. And for what? You can buy a crossroad for a fraction of the cost.

It's about one month in a New York gym. And you have it forever. Forever. And you can do a body weight exercise mixed with cardio, mixed with every other weight training, interval training. You do it all yourself with a rope. Right. I can't do one thing. I can't run on a treadmill.

Stimulated. I can't just jump rope. I just get bored. And this 100% is like, okay, jump rope. 30 seconds. Okay, push-ups. 30 seconds. And it's like, okay, this is – it's different.

Right. It's ever-changing. It's evolving. It's much more entertaining and fun to do rather than fucking just – And I've always heard like it's better – if you want to lose weight, like muscle training is the way to go. But you want to get your cardio up as well to just be healthy and combine it all together. Do it all in one shot and get yourself these cross ropes. Uh, these, these jump ropes are, they're weighted. So you can do light ones. You can do heavy ones. You can do a fast, you can do it slow. You can do, you know, uh, every, every

different combination, uh, under the sun, you download the app and it has customized workouts for you to follow. And you just jump rope. All you need is a little bit of space to go in the backyard. You have a room with a high ceiling, a basement, an attic, whatever. And you can start getting in shape right now today. You don't have to be around anybody. No COVID concerns. Just do it yourself.

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We also got to get that. I'm going to start tweeting my workouts. Okay. That'll do it. We'll all follow along with the Get Fit Bundle. $40 off at CrossRope.com slash KFC. M-I-D-S soul. We'll fire off a couple.

We'll do our voicemails and then we'll get to this interview with the are you garbage boys which is very fucking funny number one this was a am i the asshole sent to us by many a people very apropos considering the conversation we just had am i the asshole for abandoning my girlfriend on top of a mountain i know this sounds bad but hear me out on this one it wasn't even a. Basically, I've been going on hikes alone on weekend mornings while my girlfriend eats pancakes. On Sunday, I went to do a peak. That's easy if you're a vet like me, but still takes a few hours. I went to do a peak.

Yeah. Kind of cool. Yeah. Yeah. I don't even know if that's the right terminology, but if you say if you have some terminology. I'm going to do a peak. Yeah, I'm going to do a peak. I got to bang on a peak real quick.

Yeah. So I went early so I could get back for the football game at one o'clock. I could not miss this game. So I woke up early and my girlfriend gets up with me and she says, let's do it. And I was like, what? She gives me this whole spiel about how she's trying to better herself and her body, which she gives me every year. But I still felt obligated to bring her along before I agreed. I made sure she understood that it would be challenging and that I was going to be at a brisk pace because I needed to get home in time for the game.

I told her that if she wanted to do some lighter hikes later this week so she could ease herself into this, we could do this. But she insisted on keeping up. Of course, it didn't go that way. She fell behind immediately before the real ascent even began. I offered to turn around and tackle it another time, but she insisted and said she just needed to adjust to the altitude change. Brother, if you're worried about altitude changes, this is not an easy peak. Nope. Altitude change also sounds ridiculous until

you participate in an altitude change. It's real, right? Dude, I couldn't go up three stairs in Colorado. It was insane. I know. Your whole body's fucked. It took her two hours to get up to the top. She complained and begged for water the whole time. We get to the top. I told her we needed to go down faster, but then we went up because if I didn't, I was going to miss kickoff.

She got all pissy over that and was like, it isn't even like spending time with you anymore. And it's more and the game is more important to me. I knew this was bait. So I just said back that I told her the conditions beforehand and that it wasn't respectful of her to slow me down like this. And she got real mad and basically shrieked across the entire peak that I might as well leave her up here. And I was so angered and embarrassed by her that I did. I told her the descent down was easier and there was plenty of people around to help her if she needed it. And I headed back down the mountain alone.

I felt so bad. I waited for her in the car and watched the game on my phone. And she didn't make it down to the fourth quarter, which I pointed out to her as soon as she opened the door. She won't talk to me. I know my actions were hurtful, but her peak freakout had humiliated me, and I don't know what else to do.

Edit. Since people are asking, it was the Jets game. I mean, the edit really matters. Hugely matters. Hugely matters. It really matters. It's the most important edit, PS, extra detail in the history of Am I the Asshole? It was.

I knew we had a Jets question on here, and I wasn't sure that was the one. And I was like. It's the one. It changes. I go from one extreme to a completely other. Because this guy, it's an asshole move. First of all, I mean, if you're doing all this this it sounds like borderline dangerous to leave somebody up there who like can't that she might not get home so super dangerous very rude but there really is something

to be said for like i told you i have a plan that i do every week you are fucking up my plan and i told you it and i like have a, and I want to do both of these things. And please don't fuck this up for me. And then you fuck it up. That's really, really annoying. That's really fucked up. Like 100%. But.

100%. But then you find out it's for the Jets. You know what? The Jets, it makes a difference, but it doesn't change me. You're right. He was the asshole no matter what. Yes. That happens a lot of times.

I'm going to finish, but I'm also, I'm going to argue the other side of it too. That happens a lot where just, you know, you say I want to do this X and something happens or someone gets hurt or someone isn't in the proper shape and like that plan has to move. You can't just leave your girlfriend on the mountain. You can't leave her on the mountain.

You can't leave your girlfriend on the mountain top. If it wasn't that extreme though if she said like we have to go shopping before we get to the game or something and you're like cool but we gotta make sure we get there and then she's just like taking her time

and then there's traffic and then you miss the game and it's like what about that? What about if you were like, I'm going to go. I told you we have to leave by 1230 and you're not done. You're at the mall. You can take an Uber back or I'll take an Uber home. You take the car. I'm leaving you. If you left her the car, I would say you're okay.

I'm going to split. Or I'm going to go to the fucking food. I also don't understand why a phone doesn't work on a mountain. You're just higher. You're higher. People do this, don't they why a phone doesn't work on a mountain. You're just higher. You're higher, right? People do this, don't they? Yeah, they used to. You're higher.

It should work. You're right. Theoretically, yes. But the food court or if you're in a mall, yes, you're well within your rights to be like, look, I'm just splitting. You're going to be fine there. But you can't leave someone on a mountain. Agreed. No matter what, you can't leave.

That's why, to be honest, though, I think she's still kind of the asshole because you know what should have happened? He offered all these other things. Let's go on a lighter hike tomorrow. Let's do it a different time. I'll pick one for us. Like it wasn't just like take it or leave it. He knew this was going to be a problem. He offered up contingencies.

She said, no, let's do it. I promise. And then she still did exactly what he said was going to happen that's infuriating it's in everyone's ass you can't yeah you can't i'm not saying you should leave her on top of the mountain you should walk home miss the game and make her pay for it i'd be like i fucking told you what are you going to do to make this up for me and then berate her until you break up in three years this is also a horrible double standard because if this happened the other way i always i i i knew

i was fucked in my relationship when i used to i used to treat as i wanted to be treated the golden rule right and so like if if she fucked up i was like i'm not gonna rake her over the coals for this because i wouldn't want that to happen to me and then i got to the point where i was like i have to cash in on this i have to hold her to feet to the fire because she's gonna do it to me so i got to keep this shit balanced and that's when i knew i was fucked yeah that's a bad this is not a bad a good spot to be in but if if you know if a guy if the roles were reversed and she missed like a bridal shower or something she'd be like you hear about it to the end of time and this guy you know granted he overplayed his hand by leaving i do think i will will defend women in this aspect.

I think a bridal shower is more. Yeah, maybe not. Maybe a brunch. You know what I mean? Like you had you had Sunday plans that you always do that. I fucked up for you. Even after you told me I was going to fuck them up for you. You would never hear the end of that with a guy.

You know, she probably starts crying or something like that where I'm going to defend this guy. I've dealt with this before. I don't care how bad my teams are. I like watching my teams. And that shouldn't – it's not fair. It's not fair that you get to be like, I got to watch the Patriots, and because they're going to go to the Super Bowl this year, your girlfriend understands.

Where my girlfriends would say to me, they're not even good. It's like, well, I don't care. It's not my fault. You're penalizing me for the Wilpons. Yeah, I know that, but I want to watch in case they get good. So I don't think the – you can't leave people on top of a mountain, but you can't penalize your boyfriend or girlfriend if their favorite team is bad and they enjoy watching it.

It's like, I don't know, You like watching a TV show that I think is bad. And you hate everyone on the show. Right. Oh, I run on the basketball. That sucks this year. But you wouldn't miss it. Obviously, we're stereotypes. Stereotypes are real for a reason. Throw the fucking allegedly butt out there.

But you know what I mean. Whatever show women... Quality does not determine fanhood or enjoyment. So you can't throw that in my face. But ultimately, you can't leave any girl on top of a mountain. We'll do one more. Am I the asshole and roll right into our into our voicemails because we got a monster interview. Am I you want to do homeless or necklace?

When you say homeless first, it makes me think of necklaces a different way. Like without neck. No, no, no, no, no. Necklace. Not necklace. Let's do homeless. Homeless. Am I the asshole for telling my wife that it's her fault we're homeless?

Yeah, we made the right choice. Right choice. So I can't even believe this is real life right now now but we just got kicked out of my mom's house my wife and i have a five-year-old boy and a three-year-old girl and my wife is super militant about sugar sugar for breakfast is a definite no-no my stepdad came home with a donut for my 12-year-old sister for breakfast which triggered a massive tantrum from our three-year-old my wife called out my step my wife called my stepdad selfish for bringing a donut into his house, his fucking house, so I think we know what side the husband's on.

And my stepdad went off calling us both horrible names and making fun of my wife's body and bad skin. Well, maybe not. My sister and mom were just laughing, and I tried to diffuse, but my wife took the rest of the donut out of my sister's hands and threw it in the trash. My mom and stepdad

went crazy. I was trying to get my two kids away because they were saying some really abusive stuff. And my sister was asking if she could get her arrested. My stepdad said we had to get out immediately. And he was so angry. It was scaring me. I just grabbed my kids and we left. My mom called an hour later and said, we aren't welcome back because my sister feels unsafe over a fucking donut. I could hear my stepdad in the back threatening to spit on my grave. He is Middle Eastern and has some weird ideas about money and family honor, and I think he was really offended.

My wife was going off about what a bitch my mom is, and I told her that it's her fault. I get that my mom acted crazy, but I still blame my wife for starting all this. She cried and asked me to take it back, but I refused. That's such a funny thing that girls, or anybody in a relationship does,

like, take it back, and if I say yes, then it's okay. Now she's been crying on and off all day, and I think she's beginning to blame herself. Yeah. She should probably blame herself. Now, this is a similar situation to what we just talked about. I think, like, screaming abusive stuff in front of a 5-year-old, a 3-year-old, and a 12-year-old, like no matter what's going on, not proper behavior. Talking about spitting on graves and all that shit, honoring family.

I think we went a bit extreme here. But ultimately, the action is to rip a donut out of someone's hand and throw it in the trash, and it's their house, their rules. I mean, this check is clearly in the wrong. 100. It's very, we're very on par today. Well, you know what it is. We're both like rational humans with brains. All of it,

all of her rules are weird. You can have sugar for breakfast sometimes. You can have a donut for breakfast. Who gives a fuck? That's a regular thing. Someone wants to have a donut for breakfast, give them a fucking donut for breakfast. Not every day, but a donut for breakfast who gives a fuck that's a regular thing someone wants to have a donut breakfast give them a fucking donut for breakfast not every day but right well a donut for breakfast is a nice little treat sometimes especially if you are i'm assuming maybe this is covid related or whatever if you're staying it's like that's almost like being on vacation you know what i mean like if you do have a no sugar rule but

you're staying in someone else's house for a certain amount of time you know then you can have a donut it's not the end of the world when we we get back to our house, our rules stay the same. It's like when I take my kids, I'm like, this only happens at grandma's house sort of thing. So yeah, multiple reasons to not go fucking crazy over the goddamn donut. But

making someone homeless. Again, my belief is when you have kids involved, that supersedes everything. Where it's like, you can't put a five-year-old and a three-year-old out on the street. No matter how much you hate the wife and husband. You know, the mom and dad. It's impossible to do that.

You're an absolute asshole. You're 1,000% in the wrong. I think, what were we talking about the other day? Very recently, for some reason. Like, a homeless person had a sign like, it be you or like this could happen to you and not to disparage a homeless person but i was like no no i couldn't no i i have family that will it's it's i feel bad i actually often wonder but like i could never become home i do wonder how it happens i think you have to be a like a drug addict who steals money and shit.

Yeah. Like your family was like, okay, you can come stay with me. And then it's like, you find out that you stole money from me. You keep selling the TV. Right.

So it's just like, I can't let you back in the house anymore. But until that happens, it could never be me. No, I mean, I just got too many friends and family. You kick me out.

I'll go to Nick and Nick kicks me out. I'll go to Zach and Zach kicks me out. So I go here. I just keep going. I have 15 houses. I have to out, I'll go to Nick. And Nick kicks me out, I'll go to Zach. And Zach kicks me out, so I go here. I just keep going. I have 15 houses I have to rob before I can become homeless. Exactly. Maybe that's just because

I'm more charismatic than you. I don't know, homeless man. Maybe I'm more charming. But I got friends and family, bro. I go walk by one homeless guy every day who I might have moving with me. I hope he doesn't steal my TVs. He's a cool cat.

I think he's the guy. He sits by, It's probably... Let's say it's on 23rd and 7th. This is a big change because, you know, usually you feel disrespected by homeless. You don't know this guy. This guy's cool. He's earned your respect. He just reads every

newspaper every day. I don't know... I think I would do that if I was homeless. That seems good. I used to read the Post and the News and all that shit back before smartphones. It's very enjoyable. I don't think he's homeless. I think I would do that if I was homeless. That seems good. I used to read the Post and the news and all that shit back before smartphones. It's very enjoyable. I don't think he's homeless. I think his home is just the entryway of the Japanese church on about 23rd. And he's like, he just has a bunch of blankets and a bunch of shit.

And he just reads the newspaper and draws cartoons all day. I'm like, this guy's the fucking man. Yeah, he might just be hanging out. He's living the life. Not asking for money. No sign out. That was going to be my question. Next question.

Have you noticed his shoes? Oh, he's definitively homeless. Like, he's 100% homeless. But... I was always told to look at the shoes. I think he's just not interested in your help. He's like, nah, I don't like it. I'm all good.

I don't have a cup out. No, no. If I went over to him with a dollar, he'd probably beat me up. Yeah, it's like, that's disrespectful. Yeah, like, nah, I don't like it. I'm all good. I don't have a cup out. No, no. If I went over to him with a dollar, he'd probably beat me up. Yeah, it's like, that's disrespectful. Yeah, no, man. I don't need your pity. I got my papers today already. I'm homeless and I'm good.

Thank you very much. Is this a COVID thing? You think he's been homeless for a while now? Oh, he's been homeless for a while. He's an older guy. He's got the soot on him. He's got long gray hair, long gray beard. Oh, okay.

Yeah. No, he's homeless. Yeah, he's been homeless for... He just does not care. I'd say he's been homeless since about 76. He's homeless and proud. Yeah. See, that's also. Yeah, he's been homeless for... He just does not care. I'd say he's been homeless since about 76. He's homeless and proud. Yeah. See, that's also the thing, too.

I feel like if you were to be homeless, how long do you think you'd live? Before suicide or disease or something takes you out. Because I think it's... I'm almost impressed if I see someone that I'm like, you look like you've been homeless for 35 years. Yeah. You've got some resilience.

You're a vet. Yeah. I mean, that's, to me, I'm either killing myself, overd or getting in like a bum fight no i'm just walking yeah i would just start just start walking to san diego i don't know not even say i just go south yeah go to like get to like south carolina i had all roads where i'd go yeah charleston just keep going if i would i think i've explained my plan before and if i rob 15 houses and get not let into any of my friends and family homes. Plus, you do sell on TV. You got a little bit of cash in your pockets to go.

I would go down to Hilton Head and I would rob a Brooks Brothers or some kind of nicer store. So I'm not presentable. Homeless, homeless clothes. And then I would just go to nice hotels. And that's where I would eat. I'll tell you what I would do. Because you just fill out the form, the check, which is like, what in i'm in 314 yeah sign it and go there you go that's great that's what i would do i'm a great homeless person i would panhandle steal sell my body and drugs

to earn enough money to get a jet ski and then i would rent out jet skis for like a hundred dollars an hour i think that's one of the great all-time rackets well you gotta buy one jet ski which i know is tough you gotta get to what it was like probably four grand something that i would i was gonna say low threes but maybe but maybe you get one refurbished or a cheap small one two grand two twenty five hundred bucks let's say and uh and then you just find these tourists a hundred dollars for a half hour and then all you do is pay gas you just gotta keep buying gas for this ski do a lot of gas though a lot of gas that is but that's the only thing you can do is pay gas. You just gotta keep buying gas with this ski-do. A lot of gas, though. A lot of gas. But that's the only overhead, really.

And insurance? No thanks. I'll just move to a new town. Yeah. Oh, come after me. Like, where are you gonna send me the subpoena to my house? I sleep on the beach, motherfucker. Don't have one. Try to find me, motherfucker. I'm homeless. And I just, you know what happens if someone, you know, falls off? I hop on my jet ski, vroom,

and I just keep going south on the fucking Atlantic, and I just start selling all of a sudden the keys. Literally one beach down. You'll never find me. And if you can make it to the Bahamas, that's really the key. Because there, it's like lawlessness, and there's a bunch of guys who are all haggling. I'll do it for $30. I'll do it for $25.

And then you're living in the Bahamas like we've always planned. You're just doing a little homeless. Jet skis. Big investment. Voicemail time. It's just doing a little homeless. Jet skis. Big investment. Voicemail time. It's brought to you by SimpliSafe. You want to stay safe. You want to make sure that homeless people don't steal your TVs and sell them.

You want to make sure that the person you've invited into your home actually needs a roof over their head and they're not trying to scam you and steal from you and take money out of your purse and buy drugs and sell the appliances you got to have simply safe and then once you kick that person out they already know your address they know when you're home and when you're not home because you graciously let your brother-in-law live with you on the couch turns out he's a homeless vagrant who's ready to rob you now he knows your schedule now he knows your address what do you do you have simply safe it's 24 7 home security for only 15 bucks a month even the homeless people could afford that. So if you ever are homeless and you get yourself a home somehow... That's a good point.

Yeah. I'll get it for that guy at the Japanese church. Look at Japanese Christian church. It doesn't really make a lot of sense to me. Not at all. It's not just Christianity. Not at all. Why are we putting nationalities on religion? For real. Separation. Separation of church and state.

I bet you they do it better than... Whatever. Any other variation of Catholicism is doing better than the regular Catholicism, I think. I like how you said Catholicism when I said Christianity. Because I'm the same way. Like, you Catholic, you Christian. You're the same shit. Same shit.

Yeah, no, I'm Catholic. And if you do want to get specific about it, Catholicism is the worst. We're the most strict of the bunch, you know? Yeah. It's crazy. Anyway. Yeah, we're the worst. Simply say it's probably like, we did not ask for a religious debate here.

They've got day and night, winter, summer, spring, fall. It protects you from fire. It protects you from flood. It protects you from burglary. All of it. You can set it up yourself in under an hour. You peel the sensors off. You stick them where you want them.

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Voicemails. Let's do it, Nicky. I'm John, Nick. I got a top five suggestion for you. What are your top five Scorsese movies? Mine doesn't start with good fellas like most people. I'm going to go Departed,

Casino, Gangs of New York, good fellas, Wolf of Wall Street, and then probably The Aviator. Get back to me. Take care, guys. Top five Leo movies? Scorsese. Same thing.

Basically is. I gotta search that, though. Yeah, I've been looking that up. I mean, this is tough for me because I don't like these mobster movies the way other people do. I know he's got more than just that, but everybody goes nuts for all the mobster stuff. So, okay. Okay, um, okay.

Okay. Number one, taxi driver. Haven't seen it, but I know you think I'm cool. Two, raging bull. Haven't seen it,

but people think I'm cool. Yep. So fucking true. Those are two movies that color money is another one. I hear a bunch of out. I was going to throw that one. I also think pool is cool. You know, I would love to be able to shoot pool so yeah done i don't even know what that one's about so it's about pool okay yeah i think paul newman's like a pool hustler

billiards hustler um the last temptation of christ no thanks oh three cape fear that one i have seen didn't care for it four Four, Mean Streets. Haven't seen it. Oh, Four King of Comedy. Haven't seen it. A classic. Inspired the Joker. Amazing.

Never seen it. Great film. Have you seen it? Great film. No. No, never. Five, Raging Bull. Done.

Done. There you have it. And six, Hugo? What the fuck is that? I think it's about a giant or some shit. Yeah, it's like a fucking animated thing. Yeah. No, those are my top five. What, it's like a fucking animated thing. Yeah. No, those are my top five.

What was it? Taxi Driver. Did I say Raging Bull twice? Yeah, we did say it. I'll get you another one here. I'll throw The Departed on there because I'm from Boston. I actually don't really. I think The Departed's fine.

I don't think it's a bad movie, but I'm like. I think The Departed is a highly enjoyable movie. It's just like, but it's like cops and robbers. It's not like we're reinventing, you know, you're not doing anything revolutionary in my mind. No, it's very good. I enjoy it. I think it's a good moment.

I wouldn't turn it off if it was on, but I do think I'm like, people who say it's like the best Boston movie ever. You're just wrong. What do you think is? We talked about something right now the other day. I don't know. I do like Coley's suggestion. Oh, no.

I said Gone Baby Gone. I love Gone Baby Gone. I would go Mystic River. Out of, on a real note, what movies of his I actually do like that I have seen. Wolf of Wall Street's another one. It's fine. I think Wolf of Wall Street's wildly overrated. Way too long.

Way too long. And it's like, I think it's just because it's the Leo Scorsese thing. It's like the combination of Mario Rabi. Yeah, I mean, it's hot and sexy and cool. When he's blowing cocaine up a hooker's butt? Interested. But that's because that's not cinematic greatness. That's just like, oh, that's a hot fucking chick, and

this classic dude's a hot guy, and they're doing blow. It's cool. Quaaludes, you're so fucked up. It's like telling a story about a frat party. Have you heard the story? And I don't know if this is true. I'm pretty sure it's true. I've heard it.

That Leo's never done drugs. And for that movie, he had to hire someone to teach him what it was like to be on drugs. Do you really? I mean, that's where I think. There's no way Leonardo DiCaprio's never done drugs, right? I would absolutely not believe that. If Leo's never done. Leo.

You're missing out. You're fucking up, bud. Especially because he could get the good shit. But the good shit seems to kill everybody. Well, yeah. Everyone keeps dying of fentanyl. Stop putting fentanyl in drugs. You're doing too good of drugs. Do the bad shit.

Get some stuff that's stepped on. There was the Tinder CEO or one of those guys. Some tech CEO died, I think, during quarantine. With all these fuckers, they always mix it too. It's like, just stop mixing everything. What are you, fucking rookies? Come on. I do really would like to do Quaaludes, and somebody out there has them. I think there's a stash still left.

Everyone's like, Quaaludes are gone. Even though Quaaludes do, except there has them. I think there's a stash still left. Everyone's like, Quaaludes are gone. Even though Quaaludes do, except for what I've seen in the movie. I think it's just like a monster, like morphine type of pain killer type of high. But they say they're gone. And I think that the rich people are like, they're gone.

We have them over here. But also you don't need to hire someone to like, I don't know. You know what happened. You've seen movies, right? Right. There's acts fucked up. You've seen

fucked up people before. Yeah, you've been out in public before. Have you ever seen someone be drunk? Have you ever seen someone Have you been to New York City and walked down the street at any time of day? Yeah. Everyone here is drunk at all times. I'm on heroin. I don't need to hire someone to do that. Fucking Daniel Day-Lewis over here. Give me a break. Gangs of New York is a dope

one though. Gangs of New York, I was going to say. So Gangs of New York is a great one. I think I need to re-watch The Aviator. I don't think people appreciate how wild and weird of a real-life human Howard Hughes was. Like, that story is a real-life true story, and he is fucking a trip. The Irishman stinks. Irishman was – it fell into the Netflix movie problem, where everyone watches it right away,

and then no one ever talks about it ever again. I have really a good, warm feeling. I remember that holiday week. We had off, and we watched The Irishman, and I enjoyed talking about it with people. So I enjoyed the movie experience, if you will, without liking the movie. I liked arguing about the de-aging.

I liked making fun of De Niro's trying to punch. I do like the story of Jimmy Hoffa and all that shit. It's just the movie was 10 hours long and stupid. I wouldn't say it was bad either. It was fine. Yeah, it was whatever. I guess Goodfellas is the one that everybody... Goodfellas is obviously a great one.

That's the one. Casino is the biggest version of that one. I think it's just like Goodfellas in Vegas. Goodfellas in Vegas. All right, next up. What's up, KFC? So I had a quick question for you guys. So last weekend I was at a bar, met a chick, went back home with her,

getting ready to hook up. We had been fooling around and whatnot on the way home. And it comes time to get down and whatnot and she's like all right cool i'm ready i was like well you're gonna get down on me give me head or what we're not first she said yeah put a condom on and i was like okay you're gonna ask questions again she goes yeah put your condom on first and i'll fuck his dick and i was like huh and i mean i was still trying to get laid and my dick never had that happen before uh so my question is would you guys put a condom on his dick if the girl said she's gonna suck your dick only with a condom

though peace diva i would uh i would just say like okay never mind and I would just skip to the sex Because here's the thing At my age We gotta worry about We got a certain window of time This is all gotta happen here If you suck at my dick with a condom on We're not having sex

Nothing's happening after that That's going away My penis is going back inside. Like, I get it. I don't. I think I think I think if you hook up with someone to the to that point where you're like that afraid. I actually it is kind of funny that it's like you need to put a condom on to be in my vagina, but I will put it in my mouth. Yeah, no, it is.

It should be all, you know, if you are worried at all To the point that you need to use a condom My kind of rule in my book is I think if you're fucking somebody That you really feel the need to use a condom You probably just shouldn't fuck them Guy or girl I'm pro condom On podcasts

But I do think they're like candy corn Where people just Laying about but no one ever uses it. It's like, well, you want some? Nah, it's okay. Nah, it's all right. Yeah. Right.

I mean, I vividly remember being like, when I was single in like my twenties, I was fucking this girl. And like, I think the first time we used the condom and the second time was like very like heat of the moment. She was like, you're clean. Right. And I was like, yeah, you, she's like, yeah. And that was it. That was the conversation. I was like, you're clean, right? And I was like, yeah, you? She was like, yeah.

And that was it. That was the conversation. I was like, great. Put your hand on the Bible real quick. Swear? Promise? Like, no fingers crossed? No backsies?

I do miss a condom. I probably haven't used a condom in 15 years. Jiminy Cricket. I do not miss them at all. That's not true. Pro safe sex. What is this? What are you talking about?

I don't know. I just think it's a responsible thing to say. Listen, don't go soft on me. Don't go soft like getting your dick sucked into a condom, okay? Condoms are for the birds. What would... If I was a girl, I would just be like, either no or yes. The girl.

I'm not sucking a plastic bag. Well, if it sounds like she wants... If she's like, I'm down, I'll suck your dick. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. I would say yes, okay? Or just like, no, I'm down, I'll suck your dick. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I would say yes. Okay. Or just like, no, I don't do that.

I wouldn't. That's crazy. But if I was a guy, I think I'd be like, thank you, but no thanks. Let's just get to the sex. Also, hey, lady, why don't you walk around with your own condoms? Because you should probably choose your flavor. Yeah. If you're going to be sucking on it. Sucking on a latex bag?

I mean, especially. I'd get a strawberry. Most people too, by the way. Make sure you have an icy hot one. I would have to imagine you're doing to be sucking on it. You're going to be sucking on a latex bag? I mean, especially. I get a strawberry. Most people, too, by the way. Make sure you don't have an icy hot one. I would have to imagine you're doing the lubricated condoms. Heaven forbid you're just doing the powdery ones. You ever just do, like, the OG condoms? No, Kevin.

Those are, they literally make them as dry as possible. How old are you? When I was, like, 16, I was, like, I didn't get any. I've never even heard of a non-lubricated condom. Yeah, they. I do. I know they exist. I've never seen one.

So when I was first having sex, there was the extra thin lubricated condom that everybody would get. And I was like, that's going to rip or something. So I was like, get me the full ass condom. These scientists don't know what they're making. I don't want diet condoms. I want the full condom. And it was just the Trojan red box. It's just a rubber.

Kevin was just fucking a lamb and then putting that lamb inside a person. The red box condom, it's like they put flour on the condom. It's like, oh, her pussy's wet? Not anymore. Here's a dry bag to put inside of her. It's terrible. But I think I would just skip that altogether then. I would, 100%.

I have no interest in that. It's just, I have no interest. that. It's just I have no interest. I've done. I've kind of. You know what? I've never had it happen. I'd be in. I just would be worried to be like, well, you can do this for like 10 seconds.

I'll definitely do anything I've never done before. Yeah, I've never gotten my dick stuck with a condom. I'll give it a whack. I've done the opposite recently. Like with like, do you have condoms? No. So like, I'll just go down. Like, we'll just go down each other.

Like, we're not gonna have sex then. No, I was like, no. So I'll just go down. We'll just go down on each other. We're not going to have sex then. No, I'm condoms. I'm 34, 35 years old. She said to me, you really don't have any condoms. Thinking that I was kind of lying, trying to get it in without it. And I was like, I really don't have any condoms. And I think it's kind of crazy you think I do.

Again, what is this, 1985? The more I think about it, the more I'm into this. The this the condoms i don't know i'll give it a try why not i've jerked off with a condom i'll tell you why i try a blow job well i mean because well yeah multiple times i will tell you why it's going to be terrible that's the answer why i bet it's pretty good i bet you it's not i bet you you don't feel a goddamn thing it's you get you have to be able to suck a dick to give good head through a condom. You get the oral aesthetic. Let me tell you. A-U-R-A-L.

The oral of it. Of like the sound of the bag. Look, it's all about sound anyway. The smell. I'm turned on by thinking I'll get my dick sucked through a condom. You're going to go home to your exclusive monogamous girlfriend and be like, you have to give me head in a condo. Your poor girlfriend.

Goodness gracious. All right, let's do our interview. We got the are you garbage guys? It's Foley and Kevin. They are on the gas network. You know that from Legion of Skanks. They do this podcast called already garbage. We'll explain it in the interview where they just sit down with other comedians and bloggers and personalities and pepper them with questions so now they're on our turf and

we're fucking them up uh it's brought to you by miller light now i really like these guys i feel like we're friends i i feel like i agree i could sit down with kev and foley and we could have a couple miller lights and shoot the shit this was this was definitely one of those interviews where i feel like they were even like are we running are we is this like did the interview start because we were having pre conversation and post conversation and it all just flowed into one awesome podcast interview. So crack open some Miller lights now with you, whether you're with yourself or you're with friends while you're listening,

if you're watching, whatever it is, it's the KFC radio. Are you garbage crossover? And a couple Miller lights are going to make it that much better because anytime you're talking laughing uh storytelling asking questions looking for advice whatever it is miller light makes all of that better with a great taste and less filling it's only 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces brewed in milwaukee wisconsin by the miller brewing company we want you to celebrate responsibly of course but we also want you to cut back, cut loose, and enjoy yourself because it's Miller time.

Go to MillerLite.com slash KFC to find the delivery options near you and enjoy the interview. Enjoy your Miller Lites. It's Kevin and Foley, and go to MillerLite.com slash KFC. Before we get to the interview, I just got to give a quick shout-out to my co-host, Kevin Clancy. I mean, the man is an unbelievable professional. He's got a radio show at 2.

An hour 57, 157. 157. We're wrapping up. I mean, that's just how you do it, fellas. I've got this internal clock. It's the only thing I'm good at. It's just years of just talking too much. But I appreciate the recognition, John.

Thank you. Get a Miller Lite. Enjoy the interview. Oh, and before we go, if you do like this interview, which you're gonna, and you like these two guys, and you're in Philly right now, not only are the Barstool guys there at the Philly house, but Kevin and Foley are on stage tonight at the Punchline. That's where we did the KFC Radio live show.

So if you're in Philly and you came to that show and you enjoyed it, you can go catch another hilarious, handsome duo, and you can see them on stage tonight at the Punchline. Go get tickets tonight. Enjoy the interview. All right, let's do it. We got Kevin and Foley from the RU Garbage Podcast. Yeah, what's up?

Gotta buy, Gio's in the building. Do you guys ever declare yourselves? Are you garbage? What? Look at me. Have you met us? My fucking Hawaiian shirt right now is the garbage. We're garbage, that's the thing.

On the show, we'll call someone up like, dude, you're fucking trash. Well, you're trash. Yeah, that. We're garbage. That's the thing. So, like, on the show, like, we'll call someone up, like, dude, you're fucking trash. They're like, well, you're trash. Like, yeah, that's why it's on the show. We're not sitting on our throne going like, oh, you're trash. You would be total assholes

if you guys were just, like, in a white glove, ivory tower, pressed. Oh, no, dude, we're, like, pure white trash. I ate an old slice of pizza that was sitting in the pizza box on my coffee table

for breakfast this morning. Bro, I ate a Domino's slice this morning. Dude, Domino's slice. I think it was three or four days ago. Dude, Domino's slice in the pizza box on my coffee table for breakfast this morning. Bro, I ate a Domino's slice this morning. Dude, Domino's slice. I think it was three or four days ago. Dude, Domino's slice in the morning. At least it was on the fucking table for you guys. They age like fucking Melbac. Those things are fucking...

Are you kidding me? Buddy, come on. I'll straight up go right into the garbage if it's still in the Domino's box. I'll throw a couple lava cakes away, and then I'm like, wow, it's still... It's still... Let me tell you something. Everybody shits on lava cakes. What? They do? I don't know what Michelin star chef

Domino's has working for them. Those are incredible. Those lava cakes are killer. You could swap that in a steakhouse and I don't think anybody would know. You put one thing of ice cream on it? I'm sold. A little bit of powdered sugar? Yeah, the presentation's off. I actually really appreciate the presentation

when it soaks through the cardboard. It's not even the paper. It goes through the fucking wood. We put the whole cardboard in olive oil. You're really going to like this. Have you done the brownie-blondie combo? Yeah, I don't care for those ones. Oh, what? Nah, I think those are underrated. I've never done. Yeah, it's like

brownie, square brownie, and the circle in the middle is a blondie cookie. I've hit the whole Domino's menu. Are those new? Yeah, it's like brownie, square brownie, and the circle in the middle is a blondie cookie. And they are delicious. I've hit the whole Domino's menu. Are those new? I've hit, no, I've been around. Even the pasta bowls, you go for the pasta bowls. I've done the pasta bowls. Those are real trash.

I did those in college a lot. Because it was like six bucks. I was like, I can sustain this for a week. Whereas, you know, you had no money. I was like, I'll eat a whole fucking bowl of bread. I'll be fine for a little while here. Puking that up at the end of the night, though. You're like, I didn't know there was oregano in this.

I love the Domino's sand they throw on their pumpkins. They are generous with the Domino's sand. When you wake up, it's in your hair and shit. What the fuck was I doing last night? I'm exfoliating with it.

It's like stripper glitter all over you. I think Domino's has had a renaissance, i think a bit oh have they well i think renaissance i think people respect dominoes now no no no i don't respect it we know anytime it's into the world i don't care how fast they fold the boxes i'm not fucking not only they pull the box they get to you i get get Domino's all the time. You order Domino's in New York City? People always say that. In New York City?

Pizza here is fine. No. Domino's pizza is trash. No. Cheesy bread is a delicacy. Oh, cheesy bread is something else. It's good pizza. I've always said that you get it when you want Domino's, not when you want pizza.

I'll give you that. It's like its own thing. You have a craving for Domino's. Yes. And I think everyone said that you get it when you want Domino's, not when you want pizza. Yeah, I'll give you that. It's like its own thing. You have, like, a craving for, like, Domino's. Yes. And I think everyone understands that now. Yeah, sure. Maybe not saying it's the greatest pizza ever, but everyone understands, like, you get a hankering for Domino's. Oh, dude, when they dropped that 5-5-5 deal on us in, like, in the early 2000s or whatever that was.

I get that sober wrinkle. Dude, that was the best way to spend 30 bucks. I would just go and fucking give me six bucks. You'd be losing money if you don't get it. It's an investment. Yeah, there's a specific craving. There are specific places that, like, when I get a White Castle craving, it's like, that is...

I've never had that one. Never had White Castle. Oh, no, I've had White Castle. But that's the same thing. You would never be like, oh, I'm in the mood for a burger. Let's go to White Castle. Correct, correct. Let's go to Wendy's for that, like a fucking gentleman.

Come on, high class, high society. Go talk to her. So you guys are on. High class. High society. Talk to her. So you guys are on what? Gas Network? On Gas Digital, yeah. And that's Legion of Skanks and all that shit, right? There's a whole bunch of them, yeah. I think there's like 25 shows on the network.

And are you guys like, was that, do you know them? Are you guys like, do you all work together? Or it's just like you're on a network and, you know, like business? No, kind of how we got on the network was I did a spot on Real House Podcast, which is Luis Gomez's podcast. And I remember I'd mentioned, you know, when we were doing the plugs, I was like, yeah, me and Kevin Ryan just started a new podcast called Are You Garbage? It's a great idea. And then he was like, great idea. It really is.

I saw him writing it down. Yeah. And then he had me on a couple of times. And then we had Kevin on. And then we had him on our show during the quarantine or or the break as my mother calls it. We got people here who call it the break. We had a guy, he said to me, how was your break? And I was like,

was it Labor Day recently? What? Great, man. I've been working harder than ever. Uncle Frog. Three fucking month break, okay. But no, we had him on and then yeah, it just kind of developed from there and it just seemed to be a really good fit. And we started our first show there was July 7th.

Well, yeah. And it's been great. I took note of it when you did Kate and Fights, and then, I mean, it just seems like it took off. Like, right away, I've seen some names on there. I see people, like, it just starts to bubble up on my timeline and whatnot. It's such a fine line I've always found with more so segments. In this case it's a whole theme for a podcast. But you come up with

segments and bits and shit. It's such a fine line between being like, this is great, it's recurring and people are going to love it, and this is corny and you're forcing it. And this one, Var You Garbage, for those who don't know, it's just to pepper you with questions to find out if you're a trash person. And I think it's because everybody, unless you're a

real fucking prick. You want to secretly know. You're always like, wait. Oh, yeah. Feidelberg's trash, by the way. 68%. I'll never forget it. I'm on it. I hit him with the 68.

He came and he's like, I want to just let you know I'm not dormant. There's no fucking way. Well, he's very interesting. We're like six minutes in. He's like, I've seen it. I've camped out for every Fast and Furious movie. No, what put him over the top was the fucking, he pisses in the bed and then blames his girl. Yo, I pissed myself.

You gotta say, I mean. Just now? Oh, it dried up. I'm pretty dried up. That's why, remember when I first saw you guys, I was in a sweatshirt? Yeah. And the second time you saw me, I had a sweatshirt tied around my waist? It's because I pissed myself.

So he's a big time pisses himself a lot. Wait, was this after? Would you dribble? Yeah. That was like seven minutes ago. So he, yeah. It was just that. So he, we kind of, we did a segment not too long ago where it was like, I think everybody's

maybe put it back in a little early, and there's some dribble, and it's kind of like, every guy's done it. You get older. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Feidelberg does it, like, once a day. It's very regular. And he came over to me, just as we were walking to you guys, and he, like, kind of, like, walks up alongside, close to me.

He's like, yo, like, I'm not going to announce this to anybody else. Like, I got to tell you something, though. And I leaned in. I was like, oh, this is going to be some shit. I know he just came up with therapy. I was like, oh, fuck. And he's like, I full-blown pissed myself.

It was like a solid, like, there was a puddle. There were a good amount of piss spots, for sure. It was like, I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, and alone, just went, Jesus Christ. What are you doing, John? It was like I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and alone just went, Jesus Christ.

What are you doing, John? You pulled it together. I never pee before I go on stage because I know it's happened before. Really?

You'd rather go out there with a full load? I'm telling fat guy jokes. Like some hot chick in the front row is looking at my junk and I have little fucking

dribbles on there. Also, one time, his weight's an issue, but he was getting on. We were doing a show out. Who are we talking an issue We were doing a show We were doing a show The stage was pretty high

It was maybe like an 18 inch stage No steps This was pre Stretch flex jeans by the way This is like old denim Did you have to do like a roll on? How'd you get on there? He split his pants

And I thought It was the second time that it happened Venom. Did you have to do like a roll on? How'd you get on there? He just lit his pants. Oh, no. And I thought, okay, it was the second time that it happened. All right? So I thought that it just ripped underneath. You know how if you rip your jeans underneath, you can get away with that for a few weeks. Right. Until it really starts going. If you're wondering if we're garbage.

Garbagio. You're going to ride that out for a little while. You don't have a taint in your jeans? But it ripped all the way down in the front. And I go up there, and my first joke is about my jeans, my skinny jeans. And everyone kind of laughed in a weird way. And then all of a sudden, as more I talked about it, people were like, yeah, I'm getting into it and stuff like that.

So I thought I had a good set, and I get off, and I walk up to one of my friends in the back, and he puts his hand on my shoulders. And I'm thinking he's going to be like, yo, man, that was a great set. You're the best comedian in the whole wide world. And he just looks at me in the eye and he goes, yo, man, your balls are hanging. Fifteen minutes just hanging brain

in front of a club full of people. The booker was there, fucking the owner. I did that once at a wedding where I was the best man. And I did it before the wedding. And it was the guy getting married. His sister was in a wheelchair. God damn it.

I thought, like, I'll be the nice guy. Like, I'll help pick her up. We were getting her into the house. Oh, so it's her fault, that bitch. You were looking to make a move after the ceremony. And I was, like, bent down. I felt it rip right away. And it was like dark blue suits.

So then I had to someone, one of the other groomsmen had he's like, yo, you can do what you want with information. I'm wearing dark blue underwear. Oh, you switched? I was like, we gotta switch. Holy

shit. What a fucking friend though. Yeah, that's a fucking soldier. That's a fucking friend though Yeah that's a fucking soldier I got the fucking MVP He's gonna put your Pistain underarm on What size were they? This guy every now and then Wears a size small

Boxer briefs Dude You like to keep them tight huh? They're literally In my asshole When I'm wearing them Do not know That a underwear comes in sizes So he bought a size small

And then he just keeps them in the rotation They're not in the rotation They're just like when I'm out Which doesn't happen very often anymore I have a lot of underwear You're pissing in them Just dropping off like a 50 pound bag of laundry Every week

And sometimes if I run out Or if they just happen to be on top, to be honest, and I'll just pop on the smalls. And I don't think they're a small anymore, technically. Yes, the label says an S, but they've been stretched out.

This shirt's a medium. There's a lot of work on this thing. But that, listen, the peeing and stuff like that, that does make you garbage. But what elevates it with you is the fucking cover up. Yeah. The maniacal, like, oh, this is a bottle of water. Do you know what he does? Oh, yeah, yeah.

He fucks with the water bottle. Oh, well, yeah. Which I will say is kind of genius. And then he blames it on the girl. You're disgusting. You pissed yourself, bitch. That girl's got therapy. Yeah, that's what I said.

She goes home and is like, what the fuck did I do last night? Meanwhile, he's fucking sitting in his tighty-whities. I actually, I tried to do that once when I shit my pants in the middle of the night. Did not work. It's actually your poop that landed in my pants. Baby, what'd you do? The dog shit my pants again. We don't have a dog.

Goddamn neighbors. This place has squirrels. I'm getting out of here. This is fucking ridiculous. You got a real problem. Man, that's good. We used to have squirrels in our old office. This was probably like six, seven years ago.

We were a media company that was growing and writing blogs on the internet. And we would regularly lose our internet because so many squirrels lived in our office that they would eat the wires. And it would just be like, we can't blog today. The internet's out because squirrels ate it. That's a good question, too. We asked that. Did you ever have any infestation in your house growing up?

I lived in a condemned building once. It was my buddy. Forrest Gump? What the fuck's going on? What are you, a fucking CIA assassin? Like, that story about, like, what he just told right there is a story. I've been doing this for 10 years. I've never heard.

And I just, like, I just had to keep talking to him to draw these things out. Like, seven years in, he told us about when he locked his fucking housekeeper in the basement one time. And I was like, how is that not the first story you told me on the podcast? I don't know. Was she fucking up? And the worst part I did about that was we had like a laundry chute. And I would throw Cheez-Its down it. And I would say, Eduardo, you're worthless.

That's like an eight-year-old boy. I mean, he's disgusting. No, but the Cadem building. I've told her this, the Cadem building. And it was my buddy's uncle. We didn't like, we didn't make any money at the time and I needed to live in Boston and I just, I couldn't afford to live in Boston. And my buddy's uncle bought a building to knock down.

And then the insurance was cheaper if people, if there were tenants. Okay. So he charged me like $300 a month to live in this condemned building. And one night. He still charged you the balls? Yeah. That's gotta be like a dollar. There is an exchange of money.

300? I couldn't shower there. The shower didn't work. So I had to join a gym to shower at the gym. And there was one time I had a party which is insane to have people over to a condemned building. Young people in their 20s. Was it a black tie affair? How are the hors d'oeuvres?

All the cheeses? It was tomato soup with a slice of crab single on top. The tartare was pretty good, I'll tell you that. And some girl just goes, oh, I didn't know you guys had a cat. We didn't. It was just the biggest rat you'll ever see running around the kitchen.

And then we just walled off that side of the house. We walled off that side of the house. It was an old mine shaft or something. My bedroom was back there, and I just never went to my bedroom ever again. Belongs to them. We moved the refrigerator because the kitchen was back there, too. We moved the refrigerator into the living room, and we just left it up. And you had the balls to say you were wearing garments.

Very few people have come on the podcast and said, I am not garbage. You came on like a Southern lawyer. Because where he came from is very bougie. And it's like Kennedy-esque family. And then he was the black sheep. That's the thing. It doesn't matter. Money doesn't save you.

It's a mentality. It's a state of mind. My family had a little bit of cash. But they were poor. And then my dad made some money. That also matters, too, whether it's passed down or you earned it. Yeah, no amount of money. We still had an unfinished shed in the backyard.

You know what I mean? We were just real fucking trash. Car on the front lawn. Junk drawer, which is like, I have a drawer that's filled with batteries. It's like Ricky Bobby shit. You spend your money on a standalone fucking hot tub or a wave runner or a snowmobile. You know what we were just talking about the other day? Wave runner and snowmobile are two big ones.

Oh, yeah. Dude, does someone have to get like 3,200 bucks together to get like a jet ski? You're making payments on it? Like what are we doing? We were just talking about the globe bar. You know what I'm talking about from like the Sharper Image or SkyMall? It's a globe and you open it up and it keeps all your whiskeys in it. Everyone thinks that's classy.

I got my own apartment now. That's trash's classy. I got my own apartment now. I got my own spot. They think it's classy. Everybody that gets that thinks they're going to be standing around. Swirling it. When I was a kid, we had Sports Illustrated. We got the football phone. We thought we were fucking living.

We thought we were Rockefellers. I was just making calls like, no, hello. Send up more pizza. I had a girl talk phone. That's kind of the same thing. What's a girl talk phone? You could change your voice and stuff. I had the talk boy, the thing from Home Alone. I thought that was cool.

You felt like a fucking spy. But it never worked the same way. I was like, I'm going to break into hotels and shit. Yeah. That, I had the phone that was clear, and you could see the inside. That was the hot chick phone in high school. Yeah, that was. I don't know why I had it, but the girls did.

No, it was a real indication of trash. Did you have a pager as a teenager? For a split second. Yeah, there was like an hour. Hold on a second. What were you selling, and do you still have any on you? Yeah, I think my brother aged up and got the cell phone and passed that down to me. And then I was like, I'm just going to get a fucking cell phone too.

Family heirloom. Oh. I got Ricky's Motorola. Yeah, that's one thing. If you mention a beeper or a pager to like the younger generation, they're like, they don't know what the fuck that is. I've never had the pager. I weirdly had a cell phone before anybody. My grandparents were the worst gift givers in the history of the world.

Like, 25 bucks, pair of socks, that kind of thing. Yeah. And then I graduated sixth grade and had a cell phone. This kid's got to call the maid and call her. I was like, I had this phone like three years before anyone else. I couldn't even call anyone. I just had a phone in my pocket. There was no one to call.

It's one of those old big ones from the 90s. Oh, it was a great stockbroker. Well, what did you do? You had to have like a bag, I guess, right? If you're carrying that around. It's obviously not going to fit in your fucking pocket. I remember my mom had like a, my dad had the, my dad had one like mounted in the car. Yeah, those were all right.

I remember that. And then my mom had like the first like big kind of Zack Morris one. It just sat in the car. Like you couldn't put that in a purse. No, no way. Right. That was for like calling it an airstrike or something that's when you were in like serious trouble move the money to the offshore account come get me that's what that was i think the reason why this all works though is unless you are a real fucking bougie prick you've everyone's got a

little bit of garbage. Even they do. Even they do. Yeah, right. It might be a different type, but like, yeah, I can't think of anybody I know that is just like full-blown high society and wouldn't be like,

yeah, sometimes I eat like cheese, cheese was from the can or something. Everybody's got something. I think we had one or two that weren't trash. I can't even remember. Really? We had two non-trashers? Two non-trashers.

We said Jared Freed. Jared Freed wasn't trash. Really can't even remember. Really? He had two non-trashers? Two non-trashers. We said Jared Freed. Jared Freed. He wasn't trash. Really? That makes sense because he's friends with Francis. Yeah. You guys should have Francis on. I think we're going for that.

Francis is going to be a tough one to crack. That's what everybody said. Right? I mean, I can't. Well, he's interesting. It's like, well, I blog about dead girls. That was kind of trashy. But other than that.

He's comparable to you in the sense he grew up regular. Yeah. And then I think he said when he was in high school his dad got big his dad got rich rich yeah and so like i mean he's i mean he he had a tweet the other day texting with his golf teacher yeah and it was like if you got a golf teacher at what what's francis 32 yeah but you got a golf teacher at 32 years old he owns it pretty well too though he doesn't try to hide you get a golf teacher at 32 years old. He owns it pretty well, too, though. He doesn't try to hide it. You've got a golf teacher at the fucking Chippin' Putt.

What are you talking about? He's the club bro at the fucking mini golf. It's just him hanging out by the 19th hole. Check out my short game. Mini golf professional. We'll crack him. See, we love that, man. We love that.

It takes us a little bit. We'll go like, hey, have you ever done this? Or did you have that? And then they go, no. And we're like, oh. a little bit. We'll go like, hey, have you ever done this? Or did you have that? And then they go, no. And we're like, oh. And then we finally. It's like we're just trash. It's us.

You guys are kind of like, it's almost like a good cop, bad cop thing where it's like you just start the interrogation. You guys are bopping each other's alley-oops, you know? Somebody said it best online. They were like, Foley makes you feel good and like part of the trash team. About being garbage, yeah. And I make you feel bad about it. But I also do that to myself.

Like I'm shameful for the shit I do. When I'm cleaning my car with a squeegee at the gas station, I really feel like a piece of shit. I love that. I can't. That's one of the things in me that I've done it and it's like. I take a shower with it. If my parents found out I was doing that, they would like disown me.

See, I don't do it. And it's nothing like I'm scared of garbage. It's pure laziness. But I'll drive like I can't see. And I'll still never use it. I'll have a perfect. I'll come from the car wash. I'm squeegeeing.

Yeah. Even through COVID, I was like, I probably shouldn't touch this stick. Oh, yeah. The gas station. There's water sitting there and shit. But dude, that's, I mean, that is like, I think it's like an OCD thing of mine. I love to like squeegee it up. That's, yeah, I love that.

But did you see that? That's garbage? Fuck. Well, if you start, like, doing the wheel wells and shit. Yeah. Doing the interior. All right. Well, the other day, I just was, like, this is probably pretty garbage.

You always go a little extra. Like, let me get the side real quick. I hit the hood the other day. What? I didn't do the whole hood. I didn't do the whole hood. But I was doing, you know, I squeegeed it, and then, like, the hood near me was, like, real fucking dustied up, and it was...

There's only one acceptable location to use it other than the windshield. That's after you pump the gas. If you get a little dribble right next to where the gas goes in. If you just give it a little... See, I purposely do a dribble. Yeah. I purposely do a little dribble to get the smell going. The what?

I almost purposely dribble a little bit just to waft it up. I'm like Zoolander. Doesn't matter how much money you got. If you like the smell of gas, you're fucking right. That's what I mean. I don't care how many golf coaches you got. You can't start sitting around huffing a fucking red. I walk in like Charlie Kelly.

I got the paint around my fucking mouth. What's up, guys? So you went in there. I went in there kind of wanting to be a little bit of garbage, to be honest. I wanted to. I thought it was going to be disappointing if you guys were like, all right, you're a classy guy. I don't want to be garbage.

I didn't know you'd had non-garbage. I was hoping to maybe be the first non-garbage. But no, I don't want to be garbage. I kind of wanted to be garbage, which I guess is extra garbage. A lot of people want to be. A lot of people come in like, oh, before you even start. Yeah, I'm fucking trash. Well, yeah, it's almost one of those things you want to cop to at first so you don't look like the asshole who thought you were classy.

And then you get all the guys coming out of your bed. I share a bed with my clothes. That's a tough look. My bed is mostly clothes. Or not anymore. But it was. Your pillows are fucking disgusting. I have pillows too. He's an open book. You are But it was. Your pillows are fucking disgusting. I fucking love Feidelberg.

He's an open book. You are an open book. You're always in therapy. Just confessing. Well, you know what it was? Like, you started. I mean, this has been your whole life. Yeah.

You never had a shot at being normal. You started off with me having 22 or whatever. I don't think you turned this on in your 20s. No. Kid never had a chance. No, he really didn't. It was just like from Jump Street. I remember saying, like, so at the time when I started Barstool, I was the only non-Jewish guy.

And it was like a war. It was like the Gentile and I was like fighting the Chosen. Yes. And then Feidelberg – So then I get Feidelberg emailing me and I was like this will be great for like this rivalry. And I told him you can have the job as an intern, but you have to use your real name. And he was like, okay. And then I find out that he's not Jewish it's a German thing which was then it then I just started calling the fake Jew which 2020 I get fucking cooked but the point being though that he's like you know I'm fucked my wife got the tape but now you know you google

his poor name and he's fucking done so like you got he has you never had a shot at being normal thank god this worked out until I finally commit suicide

there's never gonna be another there's also like there's unsuccessful final burgers that are just out there like playing like I have friends that are like

just still playing it super fast and loose and I'm like alright buddy you're still like parking cars at a fucking at like a dealership or something yeah to that the desire to be a little bit of garbage i think

is a commendable thing it's like there's uh who are those guys names there's a couple uh dc or like baltimore radio hosts and they played a game called horror bore where girls would call in and they would ask them similar what you guys do like and it was more yes or no questions and then at the end they would guess how many people the girl has slept with but because it was characterized as boar it was almost like you didn't want to be like oh you're lame you're the boar in bed so these girls would be like yes i'm a whore sounds progressive again games that just cannot be done anymore it's uh i think the the golden era is i don't know sometimes i feel like we're never gonna go back to being like the world's not gonna be a funny place anymore that's yeah it's tough

man it's a constant fucking you know i was talking to somebody today they're like well once the election happens and i'll go back to that's what everybody keeps saying i'm like wait that's that's not gonna make it any better no fucking way it's not gonna ratchet it up how did you guys link up we were doing shows in philly he you know uh i just like showed up to an open mic and he was there and i like never done it before and he thought he was like fucking johnny cool guy you know what i mean did the confidence he was a young kid on the scene he just so wants to be like fucking bruce springsteen or what like he gets up let me tell you we got a long way to go hold on get the guitar i'll play a couple hits we're on like the third floor of like a dive bar in Philadelphia doing this fucking show that he ran and he was hosting it.

And I get up there. I'm like, oh, this guy, he seems way too confident for how he looks. And I'm like, I don't know what the fuck's going on. You got to carry it, baby. Think until you make it, kids. Amen, brother. Think until you make it. The most important lesson you can teach.

Well, literally, there's like seven people at the fucking show. Most of them in the audience are comedians, and he's up there like, how's everybody feeling tonight? Like he's at the fucking garden. He's got his head. Is anybody alive out there? Literally. Philly. Is anybody alive?

He's got a blazer on. He's doing his HBO 30 minute special. today's man by the way at least it's not Joseph A. Banks you know buy one get seven

free and a cell phone and like a moped and a car you get free fucking iTunes for a year I wore a Joseph A. Banks suit to a wedding

once that just it just disintegrated just look like Bernie Mac it just fell apart I ain't scared of you motherfucker you're doing the best man speech DJ hit it It just looked like Bernie Mac. It just fell apart. I ain't scared of you, motherfucker. You're doing the best man speech.

DJ, hit it. But he had the confidence to go, guys, how are you feeling the jacket? Should I take it on? Should I leave it? I'll take it on. Like, they cheered him. I'm like, this guy's a fucking loser. Up to 10 years later, he's my best friend.

Oh, my God. I got you in the end, huh? I got the jacket, though, so it all worked out. I was actually wearing your clothes for a long time. He's 10 years younger than me, and he was a chunky guy in Philly, and then he lost all his weight, so I started wearing all his clothes. What an asshole. Isn't that like a dickhead move?

What? He kind of got hot for a little bit over quarantine. He was jacked, and I was like, we can't have this. Now I'm like, I mean, I've never been, like, the in-shape guy. But I was like, I can't be, like, this strong. He really leaned into it the other way. The pandemic's evened it out a little bit. This kid's got a couple DiGiorno's in him.

But, no, it's funny. We will always, not to be arrogant, but we will always get you. Because we're such fucking trash. And we know such, so many ins and outs. We're going to figure it out. Right. Like, I remember, like, that moment that you just had with the squeegee. You were like, oh, we usually get that.

You see it click on people's eyes. Like, oh, fuck. I knew the second you guys asked about some tears. It happened to Paul Verzi. Paul Verzi. It happened to him.zi. Paul Verzi. Yeah. It happened, too. He thought he was classy. We had him on this, and he was, like, you know, moving, and he was sticking and moving,

and he was kind of getting them. And then I was asking about his grandmother's house. And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, did your grandmother have, like, a back patio or something like that? He's like, yeah, yeah, she had a back patio. And I'm like, Paul, let me ask you a question. On that back patio, was there fake grass like AstroTurf? And he literally just went like this.

Oh, fuck. Fucking busted cold. He's like, how the fuck did you know that? I was like, because it's in my fucking living room. That's why. Well, especially that generation too, though, right? It's like, I mean they they went through it all my my grandma's house had she had cases of cartons of kent cigarettes that she got she bootlegged from the indian reservation

she had a connect that would get him tax-free from the indians i like it she had the the jug of carlo rossi wine you know with the little fucking handle that she used to drink she had huge ice cubes she put that in that in there. And she had the black box, like the illegal cable box. So I was watching porn at my grandma's house. Your grandmother was Jimmy Conway? She would yell

up the stairs, you're not watching the dirty channels, are you? And I was like, no. It was great. I love grandma's house. Yeah, dude, if you had a fucking like a porn channel connect in someone's house dude at that point it was 10 miles yeah we're all like all the kids were just like in the basement did you guys do a box of porn in the woods oh yeah magazines yeah yeah i was like at that point vhs and dvds were already kind of

coming out to like yeah to me i yeah i feel like you either really know the box of porn in the woods or it's totally foreign to you. But the people who know it, it's like, yeah, we were like, we had a huge box of rider bikes out there. Would you like add to it? I mean, I personally didn't because that's where I got my porn. Well, it was always like, I don't know who the first guy was, but it was always, you know, an eighth grader when you're in like sixth grade

tells you about it and then you know the location and it's kind of passed on and you hope it doesn't rain. I found like soggy ones before. I hope it was rain. Still made it work. But I think like you'll never be that aroused again. You know that, right? You can never compete with that fucking throbbing and like kids today, it's too easy.

That was a little, that was too good of a word choice. With a big heart. Me throbbing over here right now. You don't remember when you were a kid and you got a heart on and you felt like it was going through your entire body? You'll never have that again. And the reason it was. You're so horny you feel it in your face.

So horny your mom's turned on you? No, but like now it's too accessible. It's too out there. It is. You know what I mean? Kevin always says this. This is my claim. The only thing I think I could ever do on stage really as a scripted material is this.

I think that my age, I guess all of us kind of, are the greatest generation. And it's not because of World War II or anything like that. We are young enough that we are computer and internet and technology savvy we're not like you know how do you turn on the fucking and we are but we are old enough to have gone through the struggle of analog trying to find porn trying to find music trying to find everything everything is so accessible now so you're either you're either too old and you're like i don't want to use this internet thing or you're so young that you're just like you've had hd porn and everything you want at your fingertips forever,

so you're a spoiled asshole. Makes sense. Right in the middle. And you gotta earn it. If you haven't watched, like, scrambled porn, where you're trying to catch a pit. See, that's what I'm saying. You're not, you don't know.

I'm hoping that food, like, slows up. Yes. Right. And it would, every once in a while, just be like, ah. Yes. I mean, that to me is what you earn. I always set alarms to get up at, like, 6 in the morning

to start downloading stuff on Kazaa. To quee it up, because I thought that's how you pronounce it. Quee it up. Fidelberg's got to stop talking. Dude, remind me to never fucking pull a bank job with you. You're like, yeah, I watch porn again. Me too. I used to set a trip wire for my parents.

You had to get crafty back then. Because it would take hours, man. When I get home from school, this will be downloaded. And you hope it was real. It wasn't fake. Yeah, it wasn't a fucking Metallica song. Did you ever print out pictures? I did that for sure.

That's some horny shit right there, huh? It was like... Where the fuck did all the ink go? You're like, I don't know. I had to print out the whole fucking every screenshot of Jenna loves Brianna. Man, that's, that's pretty low, man. Definitely printed out pictures. Yeah. Yeah, man. That was, it was like,

So what, just like bring them with you? No, I would just keep them in my room like a porn you know what i mean well like at that point video there was a time where video wasn't that accessible like napster it was when napster was out napster was just audio really like and nobody had nobody had the capabilities to download a fucking video at home right and streaming wasn't really a thing so it was like go buy it or anything yeah and it was like i'm not gonna sit in my living room and fucking jerk off. Someone could walk in like you're way too exposed. The communal computer.

Yeah, bring it out. That's a thing of the past, too. You don't know the struggle of when someone calls and kicks you off. Remember when the garage opened or something? The one tape. Oh, fuck! It was the one tape. It had one lesbian scene at the end.

All your friends fought. You knew the script backwards and forwards. You knew the name of the key grip on the fucking thing. The guy who lit the shoot. You know what I mean? You knew everything about it. Oh, dude, my buddy. So my kid growing up, his dad owned a bunch of.

Oh, this is trashy. A bunch of fucking video rental stores. To be associated with somebody like this. A bunch of video rental stores, like independents. You know what I mean? Like Steve's fucking whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Steve's Rental.

So when they went out of business, like when Blockbuster came in and whatever, he sold all the movies from like the five locations, but kept all of the porn. So dude, we're down in this kid's basement. And it's just like, you know, it's like a fucking unfinished basement. And there's just boxes. I'm talking like big U-Haul moving boxes to the walls. And we're not even thinking what's in them. And then like we're like wrestling.

It was like out of a movie. It was like out of a movie. We're like wrestling. And like my buddy gets dumped into one. And like they all just open up. And we're like, dude, this whole box is full of porn. He's like, yeah, these are all full of porn. Like you're just telling us this now?

What the fuck, dude? That's like Goonies knocking over the treasure chest or something like that. So then we were just like, he was like, dude, you can't take home. Like my dad counts it. I'm like, that's weirder than he can have it. Yeah. You know, like when your parents, you draw the line. You're doing that with the porn.

Counting the porn. What the fuck? All right. So we would always make excuses to go downstairs and steal one. You know what I mean? Like, I think I left my sweatshirt in the basement. He's like, you haven't been in the basement in six weeks. I'm like, yeah, let me just double check.

I'm going to run down and change the dehumidifier real quick. Do you have a favorite? Is the sump pump working? Let me go check the sump pump. The dehumidifier. Catching parents with the porn. That was always. That changed your perception of people's parents.

I have not experienced that. I've never caught my parents with porn. No, not my parents. But I've caught my parents with, like, sex games. Ooh, I'm listening. It was, like parents with sex games. I'm listening. It was one of those, I was looking through my dad's closet for his car keys or something like that. I was old enough to know

what it was. I was only a child. And I was moving a sweater or whatever, and it was one of those roll the dice. That's not so bad. Hang on, let's find some fucking car keys in the closet. Come on. You know what you were doing maybe i was looking for christmas he does i said car keys because he does keep his car keys in his closet but i might have been looking for christmas presents i forget exactly what i was looking for but i was not looking for what i

found it wasn't lunchables my buddy the capri sun's in here my buddy's parents we suspected of smoking in here Pop up My buddy's parents We suspected of smoking weed When we were teenagers So we were like Yo let's go see If we can find some fucking weed Like before you could like

Really buy it or whatever Like 14 or something We're like let's see If we can get weed And we start looking around And like this kid's nuts That he was just letting Like four fucking teenagers

Root through his hair and shit Like dude I'm like I'm going through sweaters Up like in the closet and shit And dude we found First of all like My buddy goes under his bed And pulls out Like fucking bag of whips and jeans and shit. That's how you find that stuff.

He's dying. It's not his parents. It's just this other kid. He's like, yo, look at this. And my buddy's like, put that away. Put that away. It's a belt. It's a belt.

Then we found pictures of Polaroids of his mom. What? Alrighty then. Time to go, but let me just take one for the road. Wow. I want to take one for the road. It was a bad scene. No, really?

I'd rather see you naked. That can be arranged. And you don't need a Polaroid, I'll tell you that. The lengths that people will go to for their porn, though. I had a guy who is he's like a fan of ours he runs his own twitter account certainly will not say his name because it will ruin his life he emailed me at one point uh also akira was our our uh co-host so probably probably pretty garbagey right to have a porn porn podcast i don't think so she's she is she is as far as

porn goes she's as classy as they come um but he so he emailed me and he's like so like now that you have like a connection to the porn world i need a favor and he's like i had a favorite porn star i can't remember who it was i wish i could uh who just like quit at one point and so he has all of her existing porn and he's on like this crusade to find more if he possibly can. So what he tries to do is track down the cameramen and the guys filming it to find shit that didn't make the cut. Like B-roll. The shit that ended up on the editing room floor.

Yes, cutting room floor porn. Who wants the outtakes? Well, me. Don't get me wrong, I'm with him. I just wouldn't email someone asking for it. I'll click a BTS, no problem. Going for the I'm with him I just wouldn't email someone asking for it I'll click a BTS no problem going for the blooper reel

I frequent those as well but yeah that was like listen I am a piece of garbage especially when it comes to porn I have I don't hide any of it but boy

if you're emailing me to talk to her to email him to find cutting room floor porn and the way he's writing it too he was like it's almost like you found a new video.

It's like, I've seen it before, but you get to see the behind the scenes. I was like, please lose my email. I don't want to have any sort of association with you all. There's no way if you asked her, she was going to think that there was this imaginary guy. Listen, it's not for me, I swear. Can you make that out to Kevin? Is that possible? No, his name's Kevin, too.

I should have known. I really, I mean, we've gotten more and more into the porn game, just interviewing people. And I got to be honest, the more people that we meet, I think the porn stars are the most normal people we know. Yeah. They're just like, you know. Well, not all of them. No, some of them are like your typical, like, you know, something horrible happened and you're like doing that desperation. Oh, I actually, I don't, I wouldn't say normal.

I think they're the most interesting people we interview. Yeah, that too. But I also just think a lot of them sometimes are like, I wouldn't say normal, but I think they're the most interesting people we interview. Yeah, that too, but I also just think a lot of them sometimes are like, I don't know, like, I like it, it works,

I make a fuck ton of money. Yeah, and I mean, like, I can't hate, like, you try to hate on, especially now with, like, OnlyFans, like, girls are making, like, 20, 30 grand a month,

and I'm like, and they're just, like, accountants or whatever, and I'm like, yeah, fucking go for it. Well, that's what, yeah, the fact that you can make, that's really going to normalize it. Right. That's i've been telling people get on it now because in five years

when everyone has it the same way you have a twitter account you're going to be late to the game but i'm on it and i think the porn stars are the worst followers on it i have only fans because we we had like a two-week period where all we talked about was only sure and we said about one of the podcasts at one point we were like any like listeners who like reply to the tweet and we'll follow you and so like i don't know like three to five girls whatever it is something like a couple thousand and like we followed them and then since i was already on it yeah i was like i was like well you know what i mean that really is the hurdle with only fans once you like sign up and do all that then it's like subscribe subscribe subscribe but all of all the porns are all the hardcore porn stars it's just like a picture of that, then it's like, subscribe, subscribe, subscribe, subscribe. But all the porn stars, all the hardcore porn stars, it's just like a picture of them smiling.

And it's like, check your DMs. I got a new video. It's like, look, I already pay $8 a month. I got to pay $40 for this video? Like, I'm just going to go to Pornhub. Yeah. I'm trying to support you here. Doing this on a budget here.

The normal ones are hustling. You know, they're out there. Because those girls are like, I don't need to do this. I get to check for whoever. Yeah, that's like disposable income for them. It's just another revenue stream. We had Lana Rhodes in. I don't know if you're familiar with her work, but she's like the number one porn star on Pornhub.

She doesn't even do it anymore. She's just living off of like – Well, she does OnlyFans and that kind of stuff. Gotcha. But she said that she knows like regular girls who make like $150K a week. A week? Yeah, and that she – So we did answer the internet. We'll do it with you guys in a little bit.

And a lot of them are like, would you do this or would you rather have a million dollars or whatever? So one of the questions was, a million dollars was the option. And she just like... It was, would you count to a million? Right.

For a million dollars. You have to lock in a room, can't do anything until you count to a million. If you mess up, you have to start over. It's, for reference, it's like 11 days and and 13 hours to do it. I would do it for two grand. You got it on you?

You got cash? I'd do it for one of them sweatshirts back there. What are you talking about? But she looks me dead in the eyes and she's like, I can get that with a couple pictures. And I was like, I thought she was damning it up because at that point we were recording.

And then afterwards I was like, are you for real? And again, she looks at me like I'm the moron. She's like, yeah, for like three or four pictures over the course of a month, I'll make like a million. I was like. Man. I got to hit the gym. You know, with a plan of fitness.

So how much money would it take for you? Let's say, you know, there's a market for everything. There's a lid for every pot. Whatever the number is, whatever you're going to ask them, the number is low. If I told you that there was, you know. For this thing right here, whatever this is. You got to just jerk off on the internet, face out and everything. Okay.

For, you know, you got to have, and people are going to subscribe. How much money you got to make, like a month for you to be down with that? Seriously. For you to actually be like, all right, this is my career now. And Foley will be known as RU Garbage, and he's also an OnlyFans boy. Well, we'd have to talk about RU Garbage. He's got to wet his beak a little bit, too. It's technically under the umbrella of RU Garbage.

We'll do like an 80-20 split. I would be giving up ever working in like you know like mainstream acting or anything like that yeah your after dreams are out the window fully you're not making it mainstream acting all right what are you talking about check out set up on netflix i mean um i don't know 20 grand a month yeah but, comfortable living. I don't want you to show off. You know what I mean? I got to keep my modesty while I jerk off on the internet. Two car garage, night room, you know? I think it could be done, to be perfectly honest.

I think you could. I really think you could. Yeah? I just think that there's just so, the internet's just like, you realize there's so many people for everything. Everybody, everything. You can find that. Is this a pitch?

Is this what's going on right now? is this how it starts? you're a good looking kid what do you mean? why don't you take that top off bend over, spread your ass cheeks if you want to if you're comfortable with it

god damn all of a sudden there's a fan on me some imagery my hair's blowing back I hope most people are just listening and don't know the visual behind this. What's up with the H? It's Henry. Right.

You hate it? You don't like it? Or you feel like you're classy doing the one, you know, the first thing. Yeah. It's going to sound a little sentimental, but I'm named after my grandfather. When I was growing up, I as a little kid. He passed away when I was real young, and I had a little wooden plaque over my crib that one of

my cousins made for him in a wood shop. Fuck, I didn't want to cry, man. Alright. And then, yeah, he passed away, and then my dad was in Vietnam, and his buddy, he was holding his buddy in his hand and, no, I'm kidding. Fuck, I fully regret this question.

Yeah, that was only a sentence, and that was fake. No, so yeah, I had that plaque. It is interesting, though, that it's memorable. It does feel like a stage name. It's definitely a garbage thing, you know what I mean? Because it was like, if I ever do it, I'm going to use H. Foley for my grandpa. Like that trashy Bruce Springsteen shit.

But yeah, that's why. Plus, I think it sounds cool. Yeah, I like it. I like it. So many people,

like so many people, I'll be like a club, I'm like, so what's H. really staying for? Yeah, you got to keep the mystery going almost.

Don't even tell them. Be like, oh, listen. You don't want to know. Right. That's what people think of when they look at him.

Mystery. Actually, it's just Herman. Is the plan for Are You Garbage to just I mean, you kind of can do it forever, I guess. As long as you keep getting new people. Yeah, well, it's also like we've had

Who's the most garbage person you've had? Oh, man. There's a lot. Buddy, it's you. That's only 68%! That's true. We've had a couple other comics, like lower-level comics that we've had on that are just, like, fucking...

Well, especially at that level, though, you know? It's like, the real garbage, you've got to find, it's like, are you made it, and are you still have it in you? Because it's almost like, well, yeah, I'm garbage, because, you know, the world is making me be garbage at the moment. I think Ari Shafir was super fucking good. But he grew up, like, Orthodox, I think. So it was, like, super devout religious. Yeah.

Which is so funny. And then once he got rid of his religion, I mean, it was like. Yeah. He started poisoning people. He started poisoning people. Yeah, he started dosing people. That was wild. He came in and gave us chocolate. Well, he started dosing people. He dosed us.

He came in and gave us chocolate. Well, but that was at least knowingly, right? It was. I forget. He straight up poisoned Bert with them. Right. He had to go home with his kids fucking rolling. Did you see what happened on Legion of Skanks? No.

There was a whole other thing on that. No, what was that? I don't know. Whatever. They tried to dose him. Uh-huh. And he got wind of it and did the old switcheroo with Big Jay Oakerson.

The Princess Bride. Yeah. It's inconceivable. Dosed out Oakerson. And he dosed Oakerson. Holy shit. Really? Honestly, in that case,

I kind of feel like, you know, you come with the king, you best not miss. Those dudes play it fast. The moment where, God, the moment where Jay must have realized,

it must have been incredible. Well, it was kind of, you should go check it out because it's fucking, The moment where Jay must have realized it must have been incredible. You should go check it out because it's fucking – half of the table is laughing because they – first of all, Ari faked it for 40 minutes. He's sitting there staring at the lights. He's incredible. And you're watching and you're like, oh, man, Ari is fucked up. That's also fucking Princess Bride.

I'm not left-handed. And the rest of the people that think they dosed him, they're dying. And him and Shane Gillis are laughing because – Shane Gillis is laughing because he knows that the switcheroo is always happening. And Jay's doesn't know what's happening. It's a wild scene. That's Kaiser Soze shit. Those guys really are. There's another podcast that we talked to recently.

No Jumper. I don't know if you're familiar with that guy. He made waves recently because he had these Insta thoughts on who were just airing out everybody. They let it fly, but other than Legion of Skanks is one of the last true lawless Wild West we don't conform, we don't care about sponsors, we don't care about canceling. Those guys

are fucking nuts. But you need that there. Yeah, definitely. I'm jealous of it in a way that I'm like we still cut it loose too, but there's a lot on the line now and families and shit like that. We've got to clean it up a little bit. I mean, those guys don't give a fuck. And we're on the same network.

It's a world where we're so, we're like fucking babies compared to them. I'm like, yeah, you guys just keep making noise over here. In a way, it is kind of nice to be like, yeah. You can fly under the radar. Yeah, we look like the good guys. Yeah. The heroes. A month every month, you know? Yeah. Who. we look like the good guy. Yeah. Yeah. The heroes. Every month,

you know? Yeah. Who ended up, uh, uh, did Shafir win, uh, president? Yeah.

He won their big thing. He's the president of Skankonia. One minute, man. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that was,

that was, that's an awesome idea by them, by the way. Yeah. I was captivated by that. It was great. Um, but yeah,

that's a good crew to roll with, man. You guys can say whatever the fuck you want, and you'll never make waves. We won't even come up in like the fucking meeting. Yeah. How are you garbage is still alive. You guys didn't say the N word today?

Alright, moving on. The idea is to keep redefining it and stuff like that and we've started to, once a month we'll do an episode where it's just me and Kevin and we just finished doing an Are You Garbage Garage Fridge contest. So we had the listeners all sent in videos

of their garage fridges, which was the trashiest, which was the best. One guy, fucking the winner, sent in, he bought an industrial, like a restaurant fridge and put it in his fucking garage, put a keg on the bottom,

lined it up with the hoses, and then just fucking stacked it with everything. Like all the craft beer shit. Unbelievable. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's so garbage becomes classy and then other people like submitted their actual like fridge in their kitchen where they opened up and there was like bugs i'm like all right you're missing the whole point just a squirrel just in the freezer well i mean it's an

awesome premise it's phenomenal uh and i mean it really i mean i don't think i've seen a podcast really pick up that quickly, maybe ever to be honest over the pandemic we were able to lean on our fucking bigger comic friends we had like Schultz and fucking because everybody was like yeah I'll do whatever so it was easy

awesome stuff man, so everybody go check it out, RU Garbage we're going to go across and put you to the test and answer thank you for having us guys thank you I've got some missions that nobody can see put you to test and answer. Awesome. Thank you for having us. Thank you. This is the soundtrack to my life The soundtrack to my life To my life To my life To my life

To my life To my life To my life To my life Uh-huh Yeah Uh-huh Yeah, no, no

Yeah Yeah Yeah.