KFC Radio - Kevin Smith, Dumped For Peanut Butter, and Five Fingers Five Drinks

Episode Date: December 6, 2018

Kevin Smith joins us to talk to us about his window-maker heart attack, the Jay & Silent Bob reboot, how college is a scam, and his relationship with Stan Lee. Super Producer BC gets shamed for his excellent Captain Marvel theory. Feits family has a 5 year rule. Voicemails include: Drunk 1st Grader, Five Drinks Five Fingers, Dumped For PeanutsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Today's KFC Radio, it's brought to you by who? You know who. Thomas John. Tommy John. When I used to hear the word Tommy John, I used to think of a Mets pitcher blowing out his elbow, getting surgery. The words Tommy John sent a chill down my spine. Now, the words Tommy john gives me a little tingle in my balls makes me feel good makes me feel sexy that is that's that's such a testament to how great a product it is because it does i don't think of tommy john as a surgery anymore

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Tommyjohn.com, promo code KFC. You get TommyJohn.com slash KFC. I'm sorry. You get 20% off your first order. That's TommyJohn.com slash KFC. Today on the program, Kevin Smith. Kevin Smith. Awesome.

Silent Bob, movie director, comic book maniac, nerd, buff. Heart attack survivor. The widow maker survivor. movie director, comic book maniac, nerd, buff. Heart attack survivor. The widow maker survivor. My man suffered something called the widow maker. Guess what? His wife ain't a widow. She's still got a husband. His name's Kevin Smith. Jersey guy who's gone Hollywood but kept it

real, kept it East Coast roots. He's such an interesting guy. I'm always attracted to people who are not like me. They're likable. That's a different Pandora's box. He's such an interesting guy. I'm always attracted to people who are not like me. Yeah. Which is, you know, that's a different Pandora's box. But I always think I'm kind of yelling and I talk with my hands. And I think that's. He's so, like, peaceful, calm, serene, but still.

I think the way to demand respect and, like, someone paying attention to you is by doing that. That's the way I grew up in, like, a house of, like, salesmen and lawyers. Like, you always have to, like. Yeah. Yeah. You got to make it loud. And I feel like sometimes loud is you're covering up for not funny. If you feel something is not funny, but if I yell it and I bombast it, it'll be interesting.

It's like a safety blanket. At least I'm laughing at my joke. Kevin Smith just sat here in his jorts and his blazer. And he was just like, yeah, man. He just tells people. It was not like surfer, because he's like an East Coast guy, but a little bit stoner, and just kind of like,

yeah, dude, like Stan Lee. He was a cool man, you know? But it commands your attention. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it helps when you just have like, when you just have cult classic after cult classic after cult classic. That's almost, you know,

it's like, yeah, you want the blockbuster type shit. He even says, like, Clerks didn't make that much money. But there's something to be said for, like, every time I make a movie, the, like, true movie buffs and the really interesting fans of the world all love me. There's some clout in there. I'm sure he would probably just prefer more money. If you're Stan Lee's friend, you definitely would.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you got a lot of cool insight on Stan Lee. We talk a little bit about Jay, who was on the show not too long ago. And we learned about eating potatoes and staying alive. Which was an interesting thing, because potato sounds are something you could eat a million of. I definitely thought about it. That's probably what Harvard just said, where you can only have six. Yeah, I for sure thought about it was like mashed potatoes with butter and sour cream and shit.

Can't see that. Raw potato. This will make a lot more sense when you listen to Kevin Smith. So let's get into it. Kevin Smith, KC Radio Crossover. It's brought to you by Stitch Fix. You want to get yourself some jorts like Kevin? You want to get all sorts of different styles?

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stylist, basically. And right now, when you go to stitchfix.com slash kfc you get an extra 25 off when you keep all the items in your box so a quarter of the price off when you keep all the clothes at stitch fix.com slash kfc good to go it's kfc radio with uh the second funniest kevin ever on the show now kevin smith joins us how are you well and you what? Let's wait until I'm done and then judge. Now we'll decide the Kevin. You know what I'm saying? Right now, I'd say you definitely got the edge. I would probably venture to guess you're funnier than I am.

I don't know. Think about it. With this audience, these cats are like, we know this Kevin. This new fucking Kevin, he ain't for us. So it could go either way. Well, you're very kind, but judging by my audience, I think there's a lot of overlap, and I think that they know you pretty damn well, dude. There's a Venn diagram out there. I'm going to share some points of light. I would say our fans are pretty down with the Kevin Smith universe, man.

Oh, my God. Thank the Lord. That's, I guess, what we'll attest to the quarter century. I'm coming up on 25 years of doing this nonsense. No joke. Which really captures my imagination all the time. Because I remember in the very beginning when we made Clerks, we sold it. And in America, I'll never own it again. It's owned by other people. You got our international money?

Internationally. There you go. They told us, like, one day in 35 years, you will own it again in England. And so I got 10 more years. And then I'm going to be British rich. Is that a regret of yours? Is that like a bad business? It was so not a regret because, like, when we made the movie, the only thing I wanted to do was sell it.

Like, you know, like, I get this. Exactly. Yeah. was sell it. Make that money. Exactly. So years later, would life have changed dramatically had I owned my first movie? Not at all. There's more of a point of like, oh yeah, I own it.

Right. But I own Jay and Silent Bob and that's way more important because I was one of those guys. I wasn't one of the clerks. But Jay and Silent Bob, owning them has made all the difference. That has been a real umbrella like sometimes when it just rains shit.

Like to be able to be like, wow, we got Jay and Silent Bob means that like I could always find a way to go earn if needs be. And how to earn would be to stand there and fucking say nothing. Sir, I commend you. I applaud you. When I started doing the podcast, my almost entire shtick was it was called Mail Time. And it was all about how you snake it at work and how to do the little amount of effort and make the most money. And you are like, hey, that is that.

That's the my my my work ethic is horrible. Do the really bad. Do the most amount you can for the least amount you can for the most amount of money. And I learned that from my old man. He worked from the post office. And he went in there like guns blazing. Well, not literally. But when he got the job, he was like, you know, I'm going to do a good job.

And everyone else was like, bro, pace yourself. And so slowly over time, he just became like a government employee. Yeah. Straight out of Seinfeld. So Kerry delivers too much mail. I was going to say Sinbad and Jingle all the way, but sure, Seinfeld works as well. Are they referenced? Totally valid.

I mean, I might give the Sinbad one the edge. Yeah, fuck. Based on Seinfeld's everywhere. Nobody's referencing Jingle anymore. Although it is that time of year, so maybe this should go back to seinfeld sorry the uh i mean you clearly went went a different route though your dad's out there slinging mail and you're out here like hustling to be a director and actor except bugs and like he's long gone my old man 15 years but he wasn't even slinging mail he didn't even have the cool version of the postal

job like where he was delivering mail he canceled your stamps that's kind of prick he was he was put to work just canceling your stamp man um yeah he hated it he was a role model though and as much as he taught me never sat me down and said like aim higher or do better or blah blah blah he just lived as this example of like oh my god i don't want to do that. He hated his job so much. And so cautionary tale for you. Big time. When I grew up, I was like, I'd rather like try something stupid and if it works out, Oh my God. But if not, at least I won't be like going crazy working at the post office. Do you ever think if it didn't work out though? Yeah. All

the time. I would be still working at convenience stores there was no fall back like i didn't go to college or anything like that i kind of tried and then dropped out so i was lurking at convenience stores college is overrated as fuck it really is and my kid just hit college age like she graduated from high school last year and the last two years of high school you know that's when kids are like applying to colleges and safety schools she didn't do any of that shit my wife was just like, this is nuts, man. We packed her full of fucking private school education.

I'm like, well, that's all she needed. Like college is, you know, it's optional. I said, here,

let's be honest. If one day she decides she wants to go to college, they'll always take her fucking money. So it's like, she ain't missing anything. I said, but right now we are off the hook for hundreds of thousands of dollars like it is oh my god we only got one kid so we were like

so she didn't uh she didn't wind up going either and i felt really great about that i was also feeding it from the sidelines going like i never went to college and it worked out great so yeah i was never really like college yeah i mean, I was the asshole high school kid. I mean, I went. I tried. I went to a bunch of colleges. A bunch? That's usually an indicator that you failed miserably.

And it was like, I kept trying to be like, I'm supposed to do this. I have to do this. It's what the world has taught me. That's the thing. That's what they used to tell us. And I kept being like, I hate this. This is so stupid. And I went to private school, too.

And I was like, I was always in class. I did this my sophomore year of high school. This is stupid. Why am I here right now? And I would get so mad about it. And I went to private school too. And I was like, I was always in class. I did this my sophomore year of high school. This is stupid. Why am I here right now? And I would get so mad about it. And eventually just fuck fucked off. Um, but it's like,

I was like the kid in high school, like pontificating, being like college is a bubble. It's going to burst. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Books are too expensive.

We don't have this. And everyone's like, shut up you 17 year old asshole. Let's go to school. But, but you were right. I am right. I stand by it. You open the table here. But you were right. I am right. I stand by it.

You're up at the table here. I have two degrees. You're rich. Kevin's way richer than we are. And I'm just sitting here with you. I don't even know if that's the case. So college was not really the right way to go. I don't know that I'm richer than you guys.

I do have a house. I have $400 right now. So you're rich. I literally have $180 in my pocket. So you got me beat dead to right i'm a working man i can't ever stop hustling and not because i'm like i like being out there for the sport of it like that's how i fucking pay my bills so i live hand to mouth man and like the movies i make let's be honest like they don't overpay for those anymore you know tusk the walrus

movie yoga hoses this is not movies you get rich making. So for me, it's always kept me kind of honest because like, I have to go out there and work. Like there is no, like some people like, oh man,

you must be living fat off that clerk's money. No, there was never any fat clerk's money. When England gets it back. When I get that UK version, oh,

we're going to go to the West side and put on a show, a musical. But yeah, it's, there're going to go to the west side and put on a show, a musical. But, yeah, there's something to be said for, like, having a hustle. I was always worried the kid, like, you know, because she's our only kid and shit, she wasn't going to have to, like, have a bunch of jobs like I did in high school and shit. And she wasn't raised out here. She was born out here in New Jersey, same i was born in in red bank but then we

moved out to california and i was always worried the kid would become an asshole or worse a kardashian but she she's kept a good level head on her shoulders man and that like skipping college thing really did it for me not just financially but like part of her rationale was like most of my friends just picking party schools where they can go fucking drink and i'm like oh shit like that's right you picked up on the game early you don't have to leave this house to party like you want to get high come talk to me like i'm right above your room you can smell it like you can find me any time of day so yeah she her her rationale for not going and she wanted to act and then she you know which most parents would be like, what are you out of your mind?

But, like, I'm like, I fucking know about acting. Like, you know, at the worst case scenario, you could be in my stuff. So she was, but that was the last thing in the world that kid fucking wanted. Like, if your dad's a movie maker, it don't matter. Like, he's like, I'll make you the star of a movie. You just want to get cast by anybody else in this world other than me and stuff so thankfully she didn't have to go look too far it was like a year and uh she got cast a couple times and stuff then she got this really big flick recently where i was like holy shit that's that's fucking like

we were gonna she's in this movie we make a sequel to jane silent bob strike back called jane silent bob reboot we start in january So she plays a part in it. And I thought, like, in the, you know, when they break it down, they put your names, and in parentheticals, they put the names of the movie you're in. I thought they were going to have to write, like, Yoga Hosers. And I was like, oh, shit.

But now she's got a name where I'm like, that'll look good. Like, oh, my God. It'll look like we scored somebody. It was worth having you. Yes, finally. This kid's panning out. We had Jay in here about a month or so ago.

He was talking about the reboot. I mean, you already said it's kind of like you can always go back to that well. Yes. But I feel like, at least with Jay, it's not like a, you know, we got to do Jay and Silent Bob again or sort of thing. No, he's been begging to do it for, we only did it. Let me see.

Like as once as a movie by themselves, but they were in clerks too and stuff. And I think that was the last time we did the characters was in clerks too. And he, for 10 years, he's been like, please man, let's do another Jay and Silent Bob.

And I was like, no dude, we're lucky we got away with that once. Can't do it again. And then like, he got all clean and sober. We do that podcast, Jay and Silent Bob get old old so like once he was clean like five years i was like you know what man like i'm i got nothing else to do like you know and it doesn't it's no skin off my ass i

just not have to speak so like let's do it so uh it took a minute to pull together i had a heart attack last year so it's kind of slowed it down. But now we're fine. I know. You rolled your eyes at that. Mortality is so fucking overrated. That was something, man. It was nuts. I would imagine the reaction is kind of overwhelming.

I mean, a couple guys here, our guy Bob Fox, he looks up to you so much, and it was like a big fucking deal to him. And a lot of the internet and everyone reacting. I mean, I was kind of like, shit, nobody would ever say that about me. Instantly it makes one reflect on themselves and go, I'm alive. And why aren't I getting this kind of – But you almost got to, you know, not live your funeral, but you saw what people would have thought of if you were gone. That was the best part.

Well, the best part of the heart attack is it probably did, like, save my life ultimately. And I lost a bunch of weight and stuff like that but the the um seeing like or living through your own weight being able to see what people said was really kind of sweet i didn't expect that because i'm a creature of the internet so i expected like you know the fans would be like oh man and then a bunch of other people would be like fuck them fuck them now he's silent forever fucking jerk off too fat to die like everything because that's the nature of the net and i would have accepted that but like as i sat there in a hospital bed i was like oh my lord like this is all kind of nice like i was almost wishing like god if i had died i'd be getting out now and

nothing bad will happen like yeah like i'm getting out free yes-free. Yes, this is amazing. So, yeah, it was nuts, man. We were taping the special, which was called Silent But Deadly, the thing that, the comedy special that was on Showtime and the one that's like available everywhere now. We were shooting it the night of the heart attack. We meant to do two shows

and combine the best parts together. So after the first show, that's when I felt like a little weird. I was like, I don't feel good. I can't catch my breath. And then they wound up canceling the second show. Cause I was in the middle of a heart attack and shit.

And so I'll do it. The, but the show being called silent, but deadly was like in place before the heart attack. Everyone afterwards was like, Oh, that's cute. And I'm like,

it was ironic more than anything else. Cause as we were calling it and stuff. So it was, uh, it was neat to say the least to dodge that bullet like everybody i've met since because it's been 10 months who works anywhere near medicine is like bro you have no idea how fucking lucky you are i was like i know i'm lucky we're all lucky to be alive and they're like no you had a widow maker that was the kind of heart attack i had and that's like fucking eight and ten bro eight and ten die from that like that's the doctor told me he's like you've got uh he's going you're having a widow maker man you're a comic book guy

you know what that was gonna say of all i was like what is that yeah it sounded metal as fuck i was like does widow maker take on spider-man yeah and uh he was like widow maker man he goes and uh it's when you got a hundred percent blockage in your LAD. That's the artery goes across the front of your heart. And he goes, 80% of the cases of a hundred percent blockage. The patient always dies. He's going, but I'm going to get, make sure you're in the 20% cause I'm good at my job. And they disappeared into my fucking crotch and made magic.

Cause that's how they get up to your heart. They go through your dick hole. Can you imagine? They're like, if you're here, you're going to learn from this. No more milk, motherfucker. I'm like, ow! They go through your groin. They puncture a hole in your groin and then find your femoral artery and feed it.

Honestly, that seems a little inefficient, but I'm going to let the doctors do their thing. They were telling me about dudes go through the wrist. That's what I would think, right? But they go through the wrist as well. I met a guy who was like, why didn't they go through your wrist? I was like, I didn't even know that was an option but they need something big to get in there some one of the bigger arteries to feed that tube and shit but man they did a fucking sweet little maker to to beat something called the widow makers it's kind of dope you should write

a movie and then just cast yourself in a fucking silent role like an asshole but be the oil maker yes with no dialogue people are like you know the schtick's getting old um yeah man it was uh it was a defining moment of midlife for me like uh like you know making a movie when i was a kid that was a big moment getting married big moment having a kid big moment heart attack was like the biggest thing that happened to me in my adult life and i wasn't expecting it i thought like if that happens it won't happen until i'm in my 60s but i was 47 and it happened so at that point when i came out of it the nutritionist in the hospital was like you know if you go plant-based it's probably better for you with a cholesterol she's going you got a lot of that cholesterol because i was like man i said i've i know i drink a lot of milk they're like how milk do you drink? I'm like, well, like two gallons a day.

No. Yes, that's what I used to. That's why I had a fucking heart attack. Two gallons of milk a day. At one point, you could cut me open and a fucking cow would have fell out. I drank so much milk. What are you doing? You just straight milk?

You having cookies? You just funneling it? Straight up milk. I would drink basically a half gallon in a sitting sitting and that would be like four times a day. So on our podcast, I get a podcast. To like quench your thirst? Just because it was. As a meal?

It was more like a meal. It was coating my stomach. Like I talked about on this podcast, we do edumacation. They were like, Andy, my co-host was like, glass of milk, whole milk, coat your stomach and give you a sense of satiety. So I just overdid it. I just kept fucking going to the milk and shit. That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. What's the bet?

You drink a gallon of milk in an hour. Can you do that? No problem. That's your money maker. I missed my window though. I went vegan so I fucking, now it's gone. So I can drink almond milk, which I hate. And I couldn't do that. Somebody was like, drink a gallon of this shit in an hour i'd be like no no i can't do

it but other but you know i i don't miss milk like i'm never sitting there going fuck i miss milk and shit i don't miss anything it's been 10 months since i've eaten like animal stuff like either meat or milk or cheese thing right fuck yes ray croney says this uh diet and it starts with kind of this potato two weeks of nothing but potatoes and you start it and you're like well why i started i was like i fucking i love potatoes i could eat potatoes staying on my head and two days in you're like no i like butter and salt and milk and all the shit that goes into making mashed potatoes like a potato itself becomes fucking repugnant. And the idea of like, you can have as many as you want.

They're like, you can have six potatoes in a sitting if you want. But like, I got to a place where I was like, oh, I think the experiment here is it teaches you you'd rather not eat than eat that many fucking potatoes, which taught me how to like fast. So I'm no longer like a three meal a day person. Like I don't eat breakfast. I kind of eat a really decent lunch and then I don't really eat dinner either. So that's what came out of the potatoes, man.

Like suddenly going like once I was like, I can't fucking taste another potato. I hate it and shit. Then I was like, oh, I'm not even that hungry. So it's not even a problem and stuff. Yeah, it's more. I get that. It's more habit than actually. I eat all goddamn fucking day. I'm never hungry. I'm just always. problem and stuff. Yeah, I get that. It's more habit than actually. I eat all goddamn fucking day.

I'm never hungry. I'm just always eating. You're crazy. Me too, man. Yeah, like that's, oh, fucking, I remember the days of grazing. Just eating in bed. That was my favorite thing to do. Like more so than fucking was just eating in bed.

Like me and the wife, we've been together 20 years. We're coming up on 20-year anniversary. So it's like, you know, and it's not like we've stopped fucking. We still fuck. But honestly, the most fun we had in bed together was always like, all right, man, we're going to fucking set up a picnic and watch the shit out of some Oscar screeners. So now, you know, you can still do that, but the meal is a lot different. I'm like, I'll be over here eating snap peas and she'll be over there eating some like fucking cheese fondue kind of shit. Like, uh,

you wanna fuck? Cause I'm done with the snappy. I was like, now I'm full. That was the one thing I can't report as a vegan or as a non-meat eater. Like, I used to eat to the point of getting like the meat sweats where you're like, oh God. I've, I, in 10 months I've never been full. I get more hungover now from meat than I do alcohol. I would imagine. There's something about it, man. And I'm

not like fucking trying to take meat away from anybody, but like the farther I get more hungover now from meat than I do alcohol. I would imagine. There's something about it, man. And I'm not, like, fucking trying to take meat away from anybody. But, like, the farther I get away from it, the more I'm like, like, I lost 50 pounds. I didn't even try. It wasn't working out. It was just because I took that out of my diet. I don't know if we're supposed to be eating that shit. Tastes good. That's the one thing everyone on Twitter will tell you.

If it tastes good, you can't do it. That's true, right? At the end of the day. You can do it and don't care, but it's not good for you. We're happy you're still around. Me too. Unfortunately, Stan Lee passed recently. Fuck.

Lived a very full life, obviously. Some fucked up shit went on down the stretch there. I saw you kind of reached out trying to help him. That was cool. Yeah. But I would imagine that guy, you know, what do you call him? A mentor? A hero?

Yeah. Honestly, like one of the coolest people I've ever met in my life one of the nicest people um one of the people that give a shit about other people and yeah he was a salesman right like at the end of the day he was a comic salesman he was sold the idea first of marvel comics and then the idea of comics and pop culture um he became an ambassador for all that stuff but man he did it honestly and like you know the kind of sense of humor and stuff like that and slowly over the course of his lifetime became this icon like the guy who's kind of at the forefront of what pop culture

became right like he was out there when people were like comic books those are for children like the first generation that had grown up on comic books, reading Avengers and Spider-Man and Iron Man stuff. Once they got into college, you know, when you get to college, students get to pick like who gets to come speak and shit. So college kids would be like,

bring the guy who made Spider-Man. And the first colleges were like, are you fucking high? This is academics. Like, fuck that's pop. That's ridiculous. But they didn't realize that pop culture

was about to become the dominant culture. So a guy like him comes onto a campus and he can fill, like, a lecture hall, you know, in 1972 with, like, a bunch of people going, who is this fucking, why do people give a shit? Because a bunch of people

grew up reading the man's work and knowing his voice and stuff from the page alone. So knowing him was special, man. Like, you know, I knew him and the sound of his voice before I ever met him in real life. And before I ever heard his voice on the Spider-Man and his amazing friends, got to work with him on mall rats. And he lent me some heat like in 1995. Now, Stan Lee, 1995, didn't have a lot of heat to lend in the mainstream world but for a person who loved comic books that was everything that was like getting meet one of the beatles and shit so cut to 20 years later you know you make mall rats and it's uh takes place in a world where

everybody knows who the fuck stan lee is then you show the movie to the world and people like who the fuck's the old man in that movie? 20 years later, thanks to all the Marvel movies and shit like that. He's one of the most famous human beings that ever walked the fucking planet and stuff. And because like he lent us his authenticity or his heat back in 95, like my shit aged better. Like Marat's came out and tank.

Nobody liked it. Critics shit all over it. It made like two million dollars but you wouldn't know that today by the amount of people that talk about love it influential and shit like that that had a lot to do with the fact that that dude like aged like a fine wine and because of our association so did that movie to some degree and because he picked me or bedane to be in this flick like that lent me some sort of comic book credibility which like i was able to go right daredevil for a while and stuff like that so he

was like it was a gift to know the guy but it wasn't until about 10 years and knowing him over the course i knew him 23 years 10 years in and on that i realized oh shit he like he thinks of us as friends like every time i always saw him he would, yeah, but when he put me in another movie, and I thought it was just like some shit he said, professionally or whatever, because he'd been in the movie. I thought he was being a nice guy. But like 10 years into our relationship,

I got that he genuinely liked me, had affection for me as a person. And that blew my fucking mind as a guy who was like, you know, it would be like finding out Mark Twain liked you. You know, we were like, what? Yeah, yeah why i know me like so it was amazing it's because you are you and i i think you know there's no i gravitated towards you and i think he i think what he liked was like because we put him in the movie he was like oh somebody fucking remembers you know and it's like not just in the comic book community now i get to go be in a movie as the guy that created these characters that's kind of

cool and shit and i was just early like if you waited 10 minutes the advent of the internet was coming and shit and then a bunch of people like the tribe would find stan lee because stan lee jumped into social media you'd be able to contact him directly. So I was just there a minute early. And because of that, he, he like appreciated that, I guess. I don't know, but it was wonderful to like count the dude as a friend. I saw last time I saw him was at his birthday, which was last year. This time is 95th birthday.

Max, who was his body man was like, we're throwing Stan a surprise party. You want to come? I was like, you throwing stan a surprise party you want to come i was like you think that's a good fucking idea to surprise a 95 year old man but uh there he was man and we sit around chit-chatting for a bit took pictures and whatnot and and you know i i saw stan so many times throughout the year comic cons went up then i had a heart attack a few months later so i didn't see him and then i was supposed to go see him the the week that he passed away i got a phone call the on friday going like stan wants to see you so i was like oh shit all right let's mark off like next week to go up there and then he passed away and i just heard recently which was a bummer of course like knowing like i was almost saw the dude but then we heard

the ps from the dude who works at pow who was saying, Stan, why don't you come up? He passed on to us that we told Stan, Stan knew you were coming and stuff. And he was happy. And that made me feel kind of good. Made me feel like, I mean, I feel like shit because I missed my window. But it was nice to know

that he was going like, all right, well, Kev's coming. And that'll be a good thing. Well, we appreciate you coming through here. Thank you for having me. Hell of a segue. My God, that was done like a pro. Heartbreaking tale of a dying legend. Well, Kev, there's the door.

On your way. We appreciate it, man. Thank you so much. Thanks for having us. All right, thanks to Kevin Smith for coming through. That interview was brought to you by 23andMe. You want uh you know check out your dna and maybe like maybe you're a superhero man maybe you got some mutant up in there how about that if i were to do my 23 and me and it

came back and it was like we we don't know this is not human you're like 99 human but there's one non-human percent of your chromosomes dog try to someone kind of did that with a dog, tried to trick him, and they just went back, it's a dog. Yeah, it's like we're still doctors and scientists testing this shit here. But what if there was something that was just like, this is non-human? And then the government showed up at my house. And then I go on like Ellen, and I'm like, I'm an alien!

That's it. Listen, maybe you become a fucking mega-rich alien human. We just kill you. That's true, or I would just be kidnapped and put in a bunker somewhere. Yeah, we'd just kill you. If you found out fucking mega rich alien human. We just kill you. That's true. Or I would just be kidnapped and be like put in like a bunker somewhere. Yeah, we'd just kill you. If you found out you were an alien, what would you do? Nothing.

Nothing, right? Yeah, you would just be fucking silent. Yeah. Same thing I do when I find out anything. Yeah. Keep it to myself. Don't talk to anybody. Like if you found out that you like, what would you do if you found out like important

like world peace type of information. Like what? I'm just thinking if you found out something about Russia, if I were to open my mouth, Putin's going to come kill me. But what if it was like you could save American lives? You've got to speak up then. Yeah, go loud. Go loud fast. What do you mean?

I guess with us, I'll just tweet it. No, but then Russia comes to your doorstep and you're dead Before you have protection Yeah but once They can't kill someone They can't kill an American Russia knows that If we knew the most

The worst You can kill Jamal Khashoggi sure But you can't kill me If they have some Russian spies who are up in here, they would say... By the way, I don't think you should have been able to kill Kajagi. Just to make that clear. If that came off as in I was condoning it, I don't. I'm not.

Bonesaws, I'm super anti-bonesaw. I think a Russian spy would come kill you quick if they knew. I already told 200,000 people. That's why I don't think you should do it. I also think, what if I knew something? How would I get someone's attention and be like seriously guys sweet I think they'd be like no that guy's an idiot

he doesn't know what he's talking about if I was like Mr. President if you tweet a video and you're like I'm dead serious you know you hold up the newspaper and it's like today is like look look look this is for real I am 100% serious I know they have like nuclear war heads if I show up dead Putin did it

and then like you take the gun out of their hands what can you do like I know they have nuclear warheads. If I show up dead, Putin did it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you take the gun out of their hands. What can you do? I'm going to start a war over what Kevin Clancy just said? Yeah. Imagine you were like Archduke Ferdinand. Yeah, like the shot heard around the world type shit. Nah, I don't want to be that.

Anyway, 23andMe. You want to find out your heritage? You want to find out your ethnicity? Where your family tree? Who you are? Where you're from? Where you're going? 23andMe is the most interesting thing in the world, really, to be honest.

23andMe, you get a kit, you spit into it, you send it back. You know we're all about the spit here on KFC Radio. The sample comes back with a personalized online report, and you can learn all about your ancestry composition. Right now, when you go to 23andme.com slash KFC, you get a 30% off discount on any 23andme kit. Order your kit at 23andme.com slash KFC to get 30% off. Careful if you're a racist, though. Don't do it. On Reddit today, there is a viral thing of this

guy who is a white supremacist finding out he's African-American. Oil and water don't mix. Well, black people and white people get married. So that's stupid. That guy should kill himself, right? That's straight up Clayton Bixby, like so committed to the cause and killed himself.

So thank you to Kevin Smith. Apologies to Kevin Smith for me kind of rushing him at the end of that Stan Lee interview. We wanted to do a video with him and then lights, camera, barstool had him right afterwards. When you come through to do the car wash, everybody gets, you know, 20 minutes. And I definitely wanted to get Kevin Smith's thoughts on Stan Lee. But I realized with about like six minutes to spare, I brought up the most important person in his professional life. So I don't think he was going to just be brief about it.

So I kind of was like, all right, man, thank you for coming through. And we appreciate that. We got to go. But I would have sat there and listen to him talk about Stan Lee and comic movies for hours. But I didn't want to cut into it. Listen, I knew that Bob Fox was waiting and Bob Fox, you know, he literally had a panic attack before he sat down with Kevin because he was so excited.

So I was not trying to take up any of his time. But yeah, it sucks when I would like I could do a two hour podcast for that guy in 20 minutes, you know, so I was not rushing him out of not a dickhead. I mean, I'm a dickhead, but yeah. But by the way brendan uh brendan pitched kevin smith after after the re-recorded on his uh captain marvel yeah my

brother has been annoyingly nerding out to it he's been nerding out hard the idea he was like pretty annoyingly nerdy yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean every single time i see something captain marvel i'm like i bet my idiot brother's over there saying she's a bad guy check the twitter feed guess what there it is i i don't i don't i love the theory it's just it's just not going to happen that's the lamest like retort like oh well because of politics people are going to support women it's so boring i don't think that it's politics i just don't think the movie is going to ever be a bad guy if you were asking me to marvel is a bad guy in the in the comic books and you're like oh is she can't the original captain marvel is the girl captain marvel isn't but the original storyline is that he's a

sleeper cell interesting and that's like basically what jew law's character is going to be so i don't think it's the craziest thing to move wait jew law Jude Law? I thought it was the girl. What's going on? Yeah, Captain Marvel is the girl. Right. There was a guy named Captain Mar-Vell, who is probably going to be Jude Law's character. And that guy was a shape-shifting bad guy. I just think that Thanos is the bad guy. So if Captain Marvel shows up, and she's just on Thanos' side, then what? Wouldn't it be funny if the movie was actually 15 minutes long long and it was just like, yeah, there's another bad guy

and she definitely kills everybody. And they fuck Earth up. Yeah. Well, Kevin Smith said he had heard the theory that she just gets snapped at the end of this movie, at the end of Captain Marvel. Which was like... And then so we don't even know what the... So it's like she doesn't matter in Avengers 4, she's dead too.

Oh, right. That probably also isn't gonna happen. And then our new theory that Ken Jack and I came up with is maybe at the end of this movie, she starts to get dusted, but she powers through it. She just grits her teeth and she can overcome the snap. That's probably more likely. Than her being a bad guy, honestly. I think what's probably more likely is that she just shows up and she's a good guy, right?

Unfortunately. There's a high probability of that. It's not like I'm like... I checked the tweets. It's like, she's a Ken folk or some shit. She's a tree folk or some shit. The chi. She's a Cree person.

She is a Cree. In this thing, she... I don't know what that means. It says you're a Cree. Like a race's an alien Like a race Yeah yeah There's the Kree and the Skrulls

I check out at some point Eventually I'm like I can't What did you answer Ken Jack When he said What's your favorite Comic book movie I said Infinity War

Yeah I was going to And then I remembered My first true love Superman 4 That's a great one too Nuclear Man Great Bob Fox

He almost like He almost like His jaw hit the floor when he heard me saying Superman 4 a quest for peace Superman 1 too when he spins the world backwards

it's awesome I've never seen any of those they're so bad they're 80s superheroes so it's like he's flying around with like a fucking string you know what I mean

but it's fire they make an alternate Superman based on cloning his hair mine was iron man it wasn't even close yeah i think i called that i was like fight's gonna say iron man he loves that shit did you really we need to do a newlyweds couple thing with with all the shows we will crush that shit if we lose that i'll like i'll quit forever ain't nobody know their partner better than mine no mine and then at the end we kiss.

Unda-da-see. Should we do some voicemail? Let's do some voicemail. StockX, brought to you by StockX. My favorite app in the world. Just bought my brother some sneakers on StockX. Yeah, Fights goes hard for his family sibling's gift. Like, what if you... I want a pair of $400 sneakers for Christmas.

I'm not thinking about getting you a single thing. Not a single thing. Motherfuckers. You guys are such, so good to each other. Yeah. How about this? How about this?

We're basically brothers now. So, I'll send you my Christmas list, like Polly did. Okay? Stock X, I don't know how they did it because the sneaker industry, it was always, you either went with like guaranteed to be real,

no phonies, dead stock quality at a huge markup, or you went on like eBay and you took your chance and you could get it like cheap, but like they might just be straight up fake or they come in their trash. Buyer beware. StockX just combines the both. I don't know how they did it, but everything is affordable and it's all guaranteed to be real.

Cause I guess they just combined the entire market. It's supply and demand. It's like a stock market. So, uh, I don't know how they did it straight up magic, but you can get everything dead stock, everything guaranteed real.

They have the, uh, it goes through like an analysis where they make sure everything is legit. And you get a fresh pair of sneakers, rare pair of sneakers at the most affordable price possible. You picked up with the Nike elements. Yeah, I'm not like a special edition green something. They were called. I'm in the market.

I want to get I got an itch to get like a Like an interesting pair of shoes I want something a little more like Rare a little different Are you gonna get those fear god nikes I feel like I'm gonna buckle and get them There's so much money though I don't really like them

I like them the black with like the blue The blue air bubble I think they're pretty fucking dope I don't do black sneakers really Yeah I don't do black sneakers, really. Yeah? I very rarely do black sneakers. What about the bone? Just like standard black. You know what I need? How about this? I'm going to put this out there to people. I just need a leather,

black leather quality low-top sneaker. That's not a common project because I don't want to pay $400 for it. But I also don't want just like a Stan Smith or something that's like very like generic and like or like with with like a nike swoosh on or something like that i just need like a kind of a classier leather sneaker that's plain that i can wear out with like nice pants with jeans with sneaker with with sweatpants whatever sne world, get at me on that.

Because that honestly seems like hard to find. It's either like very expensive or it's like that's kind of lame or overdone. Somebody find me a low top, nice black leather pair of sneakers. I'll get them off of StockX. Go to StockX.com slash KFC and get a high quality pair that's dead stock, nice, fresh, and the most affordable on the market right now. StockX.com slash KFC.

Sneaker time. Voicemail time. What do you got? I was just getting a message, and my phone had a seizure, so that was weird. Sorry. My question is, I broke up with a guy once because he's allergic to peanuts, and you can't even eat them throughout the day and then see him later or die.

And when I broke up with him, I was super honest. And I was just like, hey, I just already know from where we are right now that I will never feel the same way about you that I feel about peanut butter. And I was wondering, what is the most ridiculous reason you've ever broke up with someone? First of all, entirely fair to break up with someone with an allergy like that. You're basically giving me an STD of a peanut allergy. I can't have

peanuts anymore. I just have to live my life. I have to worry about your blood might be on my hands like if i do if i ate peanuts and i forgot about it or if i ate something i didn't know had peanuts in it and i come home and kiss you and like your throat closes up and it's my fucking fault right way too much responsibility fuck that and and i feel her like peanut butter is something that's near and dear to a lot of people like i love a good spoonful of peanut butter just candy bars yeah that's in

them oh a fresh peanuts at a baseball game oh yeah are. Peanut butter, just candy bars with peanuts in them. Oh, fresh. Peanuts at a baseball game. Oh, yeah. Are you kidding me? Fresh. It's just not going to work. Potato bread, Martin's potato bread, when it's super fresh with a whole slab of peanut butter on there. I don't even fuck with the jelly.

And the bread's all soft with a big glass of milk. I can't have that anymore because of your dumb ass, because of your weak genes. Nah, you're out, bro. What would be your food, though, or your thing, your allergy that you would give up somebody for? I guess I don't really know about allergies. Cheese?

I wouldn't give up anything for anybody. That's why I'm a terrible boyfriend. I wouldn't give up anything. I'm not changing the way I live my life. You have to conform to me. I'm a terrible person. What would you do? How hot or whatever would the chick have to be to give up anything. I'm not changing the way I live my life. You have to conform to me. I'm a terrible person. What would you do? How hot or whatever would the chick have to be to give up tobacco?

Even Black Buffalo. That's something I want to do. I was actually dipping today. I was dipping Black Buffalo today. Nate came over and said, how much cash in a briefcase for you to quit? I don't know the number to that, but it's not something where I'm like i would never quit i'm not like yeah like i'm i'd like a reason to so maybe if a girl but i don't know you can't tell me what like i tell you guys how to beat me like mentally yeah i like tell i give you guys the blueprint i'm like you can't tell me like x or so i i forget i

remember it was very recently i was explaining to you i'm like look i in that text i told you how to beat me yeah i gave you the cheat codes. I gave you the cheat codes to beat me and get me to do things. I need to have a deadline. If you're like, hey, just give me two weeks advance. Don't say it has to be done tomorrow. Right. And I'll do something.

I'll do it. And I'm kind of the same way with like if a girl was like, I don't want you dipping. I'd be like, OK. And I probably wouldn't dip in front of her, but I would just dip more not in front of her. Yeah. And I wouldn't. I don't of her. I don't know. It's weird. For someone who's so lazy and not really competitive. I thought you were a romantic.

I can't lose. But a romantic would give up anything. A romantic sure would. I haven't gone full romance. Romance. I like the idea of it What a romance But the practice of it is a little more difficult

I honestly don't think there's anything I would give up for anybody I definitely We've always talked about if you don't drink you're out So if you had some sort of alcohol allergy Not dating you Alcoholism If you had an alcohol disease If I couldn't eat

Donuts, pastries, sweets, like my sweet tooth, if you were allergic to my sweet tooth, you're out. I don't eat anything not for pleasure. Everything I eat, I like. So I'm not going to stop doing it. Yeah, it's like basically being in a relationship is about being happy

and being with someone you like and doing things you like and if you take away those things well that's what a normal relationship is right it's like compromising take away all the things that i like about myself and my life and make them different that's what a relationship is what you like that's called marriage marriage next up the uh oh but her answer her question was what's the weirdest reason you ever broke up oh um i we actually i think we talked about this yesterday because i went to the jets islanders game with frankie yeah and um the captain of the jets is blake wheeler i think i've talked about this before but it was a fight about blake wheeler was like where i was like

this is done blake was on the bruins and i thought he was good she didn't and i was like he's yeah i mean like what if a girl was like David Price Motherfucker's the captain of the Jets now so who was right there But yeah if a girl was like David Price like he should be in the bullpen Nope you're gone I'd be like you're right he'd be a fantastic pitcher anywhere he wanted to pitch However he should be a starter

And I will be watching it alone without you You bitch The only reason I've ever broken up with people is Usually they like me too much And then it's annoying without you you bitch i have uh the only reason i've ever broken out with people is uh usually they like me too much and then it's annoying yeah yeah that's and there was a couple girls it was like you're into me too much you want to spend time with me it's overwhelming i probably should have stayed with those girls the uh also there was the uh um it was like fifth grade party where i my my friend got dumped and and he was like my cool friend.

Yeah, so you dumped her. So I dumped her too. Yeah, my friend's going to be single, so am I. I don't know if that's a weird reason. I think that's a fair reason. I got a buddy right now who's eternally single who's getting into a relationship right now. I was like, you're selfish. You're a real asshole.

You couldn't have given me like a year. You couldn't have given me like a window where we could have done this together. You're a real dick. What's up, fellas? Quick hypothetical for you. You got five fingers. Each one of them distributes a drink of your choice for the rest of your life.

I can't have any more beverages than that. Alcohol included, non-alcohol included. Which drinks are you picking for your five fingers? Thanks. You have five fingers that distribute drinks.

Like a soda gun. Like a fountain gun. Love it! This is rare when neither one of you listened to it. We were talking to each other. A little side talk during a podcast. The problem here, I think, is that five is too many. Because I think I'm going to get all my favorite drinks.

Like soda, water. I only need three. Whiskey. I'm going to guess yours. Whiskey, water. I thought you only need two. I guess I only need four. Whiskey, water, beer, tequila.

Okay. I don't drink anything but alcohol or water. Soda. Milk. Water. How about Kevin Smith talking about beer? Two gallons of milk. That was crazy.

This guy drinks a shit ton of milk. It's not even fucking close to beer? Two gallons of milk. That was crazy. This guy drinks a shit ton of milk. It's not even fucking close to that. Two gallons of milk. When he was like, I would do, you know, one to coat his stomach, one to joy.

That was weird. He was like, yeah, a half gallon, a half gallon in a sitting. If you can do a half gallon in a sitting, then two gallons is nothing. That means he only has like four a day.

Like that's not that much. But when you're serving size is half a gallon, that's one of those, you know, like rectangular ones, a half a gallon. That's not that much but when your serving size is half a gallon that's one of those you know those like rectangular ones a half a gallon that's crazy soda water milk what kind of soda you need to make dr diet coke oh yeah i mean i know i would just do coke diet coke um it's one of our milk beer milk, beer, wine? Wine is good. If I had five fingers, that's what I would do.

If I had five fingers, now I'm out. It's water, beer, whiskey, tequila, tequila, wine. Now I have no milk. I need milk. I have no problem giving up tequila. I only like to shoot tequila. I guess I do.

But I only like to shoot tequila. Yeah, you don't need... I mean, I don't think this question said this is the only things you can drink. It's just the only things that are in your new robot fingers. Well, no, I'm changing it. They don't think you can drink. Yeah, absolutely. Don't be ridiculous.

It would be awesome just shooting it, too, you know? That's a good one. Tequila's a good one, right in the eyes. Yeah. Well, imagine if I could just like, shoot you with milk, like milk down your back of your neck. Dude, that's what I would do.

Like, ah, Kevin's milk finger's got me again. I've always, you know, when you watch a lot of porn, you're like, God,

these guys have monster shots. I would have like, Monster shots. First of all, it would help with faking. Second of all, I'd comment, I'd be like,

also, sneak a bunch of milk. Have you ever seen those ones that are like, totally fake? Yeah, Kevin. Like are what are those you know i don't know are they just like filled with and someone's like squeezing it oh i know how it works how does it work it's like uh like a bag like you think they're squeezing between their legs like they're holding this huge dildo yeah like the massive dick but it's just a matter of squeezing it like you would squeeze out like icing out of one of those things.

I've seen on AdamandEve.com, they used to sponsor this. You can just buy fake cum. Really? Thought about it. We can do something with that. Just go around throwing it at people. Got a bunch of fake cum today. Pow!

If you could have one... By the way, this was also the sickest thing in the world as a kid. What? When you just did that in the shower and all the water came out of your fingers. I had so much fun. I had fucking 11 guns on me. I was coming out of my penis too. Sometimes I'd pee and water would

come all over the place. Make a real mess of the shower. If you could have one porn trait, would it be like the dick size the stamina or the cum volume oh taking that cum i want to be peter north so bad blast off yeah probably come too because like the stamina is like the girls don't want to have sex for an hour right girls most girls also don't want to have sex for an hour. Right. Most girls also don't want to have sex with an 11-inch dick.

The thing is, they do. They don't want to have consistent sex with it. I think a lot of girls want a one-time roll in the hay. Yeah, but you can't just go around with your dick hanging out. You can find ways. Okay, go tell that girl I have an 11-inch dick. That's the thing. Rumors. Girls talk. Girls will know if you have a 12-inch dick. And they will want to give you a one-time shot.

You'll probably never find love, but you will have all the one-night stands you want. I just get sadder. Yeah, but I just want that cum. What's up, KFC? Fight, Super Producer BC. I just have a quick hypothetical. Imagine tomorrow you woke up and the whole world was a musical.

Now, I'm not talking like you know like the fruity disney musical i'm like like rent style if you were to wake up and all of a sudden you walk outside there's a car accident and then people just start singing and dancing about it but you have no idea what's going on you can't participate because otherwise they see you as a lunatic and afterwards like after the song and dance is over and you walk over to someone and you go like, yo, dude, what was that? They just act like nothing happened. Like, would that be a complete mind fuck to you? Like, I don't know.

I love this. The world was a musical. That's my shit. I like it. Fantasy, not reality. You are the most difficult person. Like, I would be frustrated with this. I don't know.

Maybe not. Because I think about it. I think people always talk about that shit where, like, oh, flash mobs, like, oh, people on Subway. I do like that. I like the dude dancing on Subway. I like the guy. Showtime! I like the mariachi men. I like... I don't like it. I like to watch the videos. I don't like to be on the subway when they do it, though.

I guess that's... I don't see it. Although, the new shit, like, did you see that crew the other day that, like, I mean, they put on a show. Yeah. They're new, the new shit, like you see that crew the other day that like, I mean, they put on a show. Yeah. They're doing like slow motion and shit. Those guys are so awesome that I,

you can inconvenience me on the subway for that type of awesomeness. When it's just like, like pole dancing, I'm like, get the fuck out of here. Uh, I think I'm out on this whole thing. Like when you're just commuting.

Yeah. I don't want to let you do it. Yeah. I get off the subway and it's a musical number. Get the fuck out of my way. I'm rushing to get my train. I don't need the goddamn performance. It's one of those things where on a good day, it's great. On a bad day,

it's like I'm homicidal. I was going to say, it perhaps might end murderously. It might end really bad. I guess you can say that about literally anything in the world. On a good day, I love it. On a bad day, I want to kill over it. So it's, I don't know, like the opening, I don't know if he referenced it, like the opening of La La Land.

Like that's pretty wild. That would be pretty crazy if you're in your car in traffic on the highway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And people are just like fucking jumping, dancing on cars. Drive, though! Get in the fucking car and drive! Traffic doesn't make any sense. What do you mean congestion?

Everyone just push the gas At the same time And we'll go Now that would drive I'm too angry of a person To deal with musical Numbers in real life Yeah I mean like

There are some days Where I'm listening to a musical Walking down the street And I'm in fucking heaven Yeah I'm as happy as could be I'm bopping around About the only time

John's happy About the only time I'm happy Yeah But the But then If I was in a bad mood And you just forced me, you're like, when I was five, I fell in love. Shut the fuck up right now.

That's a good way to just get punched in the face. Last voicemail of the day is brought to you by Blue Apron. The holidays are fast approaching. Meal prep is the last thing you want to put on your plate. But what if it was easy, John? What if cooking delicious meals was easy? Do you have a way to make it that way? I do. There's a little something I like to call blue apron. You've been doing this

because you've been getting a little shape, right? Does it look like I have? You're in all black today, so yeah. I have talked about it. I have not done it. I'll cook up a blue apron meal, I'll eat it, and then I order Taco Bell. Like that.

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I don't know what that means because I'm such a good goddamn driver that I don't have any points. I'm a good driver. I just get caught by police a lot. They always pull me over and tell me, great job. Give me a ticket. You're a really great driver. You're just super fast. Super fast and good. Go to blueapron.com

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KFC. Hey, Fights, Kevin, Super Producer BC. So after the podcast the other day where Bert Kreischer told the story about accidentally chugging a beer at his daughter's parent-teacher conference, my sister, who works in an elementary school and, by the way, is also very in love with you, Fights, told me a story that I have to share with y'all. So a couple of years ago at the school,

one of the first grade girls who's usually like really well behaved was acting absolutely insane after they went to lunch to the point that she ended up getting sent to the principal's office. And the girl was still going crazy and the principal ended up leaning over and getting into like the girl's face. And she immediately smelled liquor on the six-year-old's breath so it turned out that the mom had told her dad that he needs to stop drinking and his solution was to spike the little gatorade bottles that they kept in their fridge in the garage with vodka so the mom unknowingly packed her daughter a mixed drink for lunch. Like, is there any way that this marriage is still together after that happened?

I imagine that the wife went crazy. But also, would you tell your kids this story when they get older as like a funny story? Or would you just hope that they forgot that it ever happened? This is some bleak, dark, depressing shit. Like, this poor little girl is just drunk because her dad is such a booze hound he needs to just smuggle his liquor into the holy shit i don't think that the marriage survives this i think that that person goes to jail yeah i think you well i mean but you it's unwittingly across the board i think that's like negligence though you go you get you get in trouble for that

shit i can't imagine listen marriages are tough enough as it is you get in trouble for that shit. I can't imagine. Listen, marriages are tough enough as it is. You get in trouble for little things that your wife will hold over your head forever. If you got your little girl shit-faced, you would literally never hang out. Shit-faced while trying to hide from your wife that you're drinking. Be like, honey, I wasn't trying to get her drunk. I was trying to smuggle it away from you. You are fucked, pal. I feel like I would share that story when

they're like 40 oh no i tell you i mean five-year rule no i mean what's your seven you can tell which is 12 i mean the five-year rule doesn't mean you have to tell them in five years but you can't we have that no we have that rule with our parents uh five years what's one we can tell our parents anything in five years it doesn't matter so like i remember i was so excited for like my 22nd birthday to tell my mom about like when we almost died in spain because we were wasted and it was like so she's not allowed to get mad that was my buddy who did that one but like we all have the rule is like no punishment yeah it's like it's like it's okay fine. Statute of limitations has expired. And your mom is like, damn it. You shouldn't have done that five-year rule.

Fuck. We were telling one, I forget, we were just kind of talking about the five-year rule at one point. We were at dinner, this was a couple years ago. And it was my brother's birthday. And he was kind of drunk. And we're out to dinner. And we're talking about the five-year rule. I might have been telling a story.

I forget what it was. So he starts telling a story about how he was. I don't even know if I can tell this. I really don't know. We might cut this out. When he was telling a story about how when he got the call to go say goodbye to my grandfather, he had just taken mushrooms the first time ever.

So he's like, I was so high on mushrooms saying goodbye to Gramps. And I see my mom's face change. Like, it's her dad. I see my mom's face change. And he's like, he's like, five-year-old, five-year-old, five-year-old. I just kind of start counting our heads. That was three years ago. So he didn't get in trouble.

It ended up being funny anyway. It was like. Oh, we can leave that. ended up being funny anyway It was like Oh we can leave that That's very funny It was I mean but like My mom also Obviously wasn't mad

Because my mom's done We were talking about it I mean she was Digging his grave for him She was She gotta go say goodbye to dad He's dying We're all dying

Benny's on shrooms And I don't give a fuck See you later grandpa Wow Nah you gotta leave that in That's a fucking That needs to be like Benny's on shrooms And I don't give a fuck See you later grandpa Wow Nah you gotta leave that in That's a fucking That needs to be like On Curb or something like that

That needs to be written Into a sitcom That's great He knew everyone Was gonna be out of the house First time taking shrooms He's just sitting in our backyard And it's like

You gotta go save Talk about Ruining your high Sorry I'm a bitch Yeah seriously Turn my fucking high into trash. Thanks, Grandpa.

You couldn't choose, you couldn't have died when I wasn't on shrooms for the first time? Fuck. Yeah, no, we gotta drop that. It doesn't, you know. The rule is,

with the Feidelberg family, like anything. I think it's been five years now. Yeah, right. So that's fine. It's the five-year rule. All right. KFC Radio Karaoke brought to you by

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This song slaps. This shit slaps. This shit slaps, but he also probably slapped that hoe afterwards because she wouldn't stay and bang him because it's the creepiest, rapiest song of all time. It's not. He's trying to watch after her.

What a spin zone that is. It's too cold. You ever done that with your girlfriend? You're like, don't go outside. It's cold. I don't need a jacket.

Yes, you do. It's freezing cold. That's all he's doing. Oh, sure. He's not trying to fuck her? Maybe he can fuck two. Maybe an additional. In addition to it. That's all he's doing. Oh, sure. He's not trying to fuck her? Maybe he can fuck two. Maybe an additional. In addition to it.

This is really just like, babe. Just stay. Stay. Just a cigarette. Give it a look. Come on. This is just a flirty back and forth. 100%.

This is the little dance of seduction. Right. That's what it is. This is just boys and girls, cats and dogs. This is the art dance of seduction This is just boys and girls Cats and dogs This is the art of charm and all that We re-released the old Mail time episode where me and BC

Broke it down, we also did the entire Christmas Countdown of all the best Christmas Music from the holiday season I started up a Spotify playlist that I'll Tweet out as well, all the best Christmas songs But you get a little trip down memory lane when it was just me and B-Clance in a basement in Brooklyn ranting about

old people trying to get pussy back in the 1940s. So go download that extra episode and we'll catch you guys next week for more KFC Radio. We'll start to worry. Beautiful, what's your story? A father will be facing the floor. Listen to the fireplace roar. It's a really hot feather scurry. Beautiful, please don't hurry. Maybe just a little drink more. Put some records on while I poke.

The neighbors might think. But baby, it's bad out there. Say, what's in this drink? No cabs to be had out there.