KFC Radio - Kevin Smith Was the Clerks Funeral Scene Inspiration || Jackie is Vlogging Her Nose Job Journey

Episode Date: September 15, 2022

Subscribe, rate, and leave a review! 0:00 - Getting Fast Food Delivered 16:32 - KFC Got Glasses 24:00 - Jackie is getting a new nose 37:05 - Chess/Brett Favre scandels 56:26 - Who's the biggest a**hole? 1:12:10 - Voicemails 1:32:44 - Kevin Smith interview Kevin Smith talks Clerks 3, starting early in the podcast game, giving Joe Rogan podcast tips years ago, and he has accomplished a feat we thought was a myth. Betterhelp Go to https://barstool.link/BHKFC for 10% off your first month Omaha Steaks Go to https://barstool.link/OmahaSteaksBSS and type KFC in the search bar Ridge Wallet Go to https://barstool.link/RidgeBSS and use code KFC for 10% off your order Roman Go to https://barstool.link/ROMANkfc to get 20% off your first order of swipes Yogibo Visit Yogibo.com/KFC and use code ‘KFC’ for 25% off your order.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Jesus Christ. You know what we should do once you get back? Fire her. Are you ready for that? Are you ready for that? It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Today we've got an interview with Kevin Smith on the show.

We talk about a subject that is a bucket list unicorn. I've been chasing it down my whole career. So it's a must listen. If you're watching it on YouTube, which you should be by now, the revolution is over. We've won. People watch podcasts on video now. We were right. You were wrong. You see my

man John rocking the new sad boy jean jacket. Sad boy jean jacket. Limited Boy jean jacket, limited edition. Got special buttons. It's with Mugsy jeans. It's not Barstool. We're not trying to make our own jean shit. Don't worry.

We're not insane. Well, we're pretty close. We do have our own face wash. But, no. This one's a collaboration but the point is the point is it is it is selling

well it is a limited edition so you have to get it now if you want it the buttons are cool it's very faintly got a sad boy stick figure on it yeah it's not over the top it's not like

got tattooed on your arm like a fucking idiot Johnny coming in hot that one's about me that one's about me but here's the deal if you if you go get this today Johnny coming in hot. That one's about me. That one's about me. But here's the deal. If you go get this today, I promise you I won't eat on the podcast anymore.

I will not make that same promise. It is not too far from me. I am hungry. Listen, we got two complaints that people eat and that there's sometimes you hear this noise in the background. We're working on the fan noise. We have some big fucking comptroller server section over there that has that needs to stay cool it has a fan sometimes there's a humming noise it does it does sound like at all times we're downloading too much porn well that's probably what's going on uh it is and as far as the high school used to get those you ever have that where you get the fan boiling hot

yeah but like you like put your laptop on a fan so like you cooled it down oh you would wow

not like it was four laptops oh okay I thought you were like it wasn't like a regular fucking fan yeah like house fans regular laptop

four fans and I remember just like thinking like while I was buying it at Best Buy like these guys just know this guy has a

terabyte of porn on his computer. He needs to cool that shit down. As far as the food, I have not eaten lunch in, like, six months. Yeah. I just, there's no, the hours that we record, the interviews that we do, and then one minute, man, I just don't eat lunch anymore. So I'm going to eat some fucking fups. I'm sorry.

I can't. I try to get away from the mic. You're going to hear a little bit. I'm sorry. Yeah, I do make it my best effort to get away from the mic. I know that it's a horrendously annoying thing. I've heard it myself. I just, you know, you want it to be real and raw.

Sometimes we're eating fucking cheese doodles, man. Sorry, bro. Just have a ghost. I did. Speaking of not eating lunch, I did yesterday make a promise to the gang. Since I don't eat my lunch ever, every month i just waste our money so i said i will start buying them lunches can i get in on that can you get in on that yeah can you buy me lunch no i can fucking eat it no you have to sacrifice your lunch money fuck

but the the stipulation of that if you're listening or if you're in the room uh you have to go get it because my uber eats it does not for some reason it's not like i put it in so i am not able to change it because i've just like registered with the barstool account uh-huh and for some reason just for me it does not have this as the address so i have to go like find people outside all the time and i'm not playing middleman for that shit now fuck that i know this is like a cliche like obviously like uber eats like you'll order something for 20 bucks it'll wind up being like 25 30 like yeah it's gotten ridiculous yeah it's gotten insane like you get like two things and it's 35 dollars yeah there's a tax there's a fee

there's a delivery fee there's another fee there's fees yesterday there was like a meme i i saw some people put on their instagram stories was like you know how they do that thing with like a fuck Christopher Chris I can't even name the fucking cousin in Sopranos multifonty multifonty multifonty and it's always him like explaining business ideas to Tony yeah and it's like it's called door dash T people pay 50 bucks

for you to leave McDonald's on their porch so they don't have to talk to anybody. And that meme, which is almost like some weird version of like anti-advertising, made me order McDonald's on Uber, on Door, whatever app I use. They're all the same. I'm not like singling out a specific app. And it made me, I was like, fuck, that sounds good. That's good. That sounds good. So I ordered, I got a value meal and a McChicken, 48 bucks.

Yeah, what's your breaking point? What would it be? None, I don't have one. Really? Yeah. If it was like $100. I have a job. Because I always think of it as, I do it with,

I won't do it as much with food, although I do. I do it more with things on DoorDash. Like I would always get diapers sent to me when I throw out with the kids. Or I need wipes. Or I need Benadryl to fucking put them to sleep. Or shit that I need. Like I need something right now. How much am I willing to pay for it?

And I just think about it. If I had a few 20s in my wallet, I'd be like, just make this happen. And that's what these guys do. And they know that, so they just keep upping it a little bit. I regret it every time. Sure. But I do it every time.

It is crazy. Once you get to it, because I do it with Apple Pay, like the double click. Once you get to that, I'm like, how the fuck did we get to this number? I mean, yeah. But that's also the thing. It's like, boom.

It never happened. It's almost like it's a different cost every time where it's just like we don't even know we're participating in a carnival game where we put it on order and then they spin a wheel. I think they – And they're like, 48 bucks. Definitely. Definitely. It should be – you get the same order every time. It should be the same price every time.

I think they do like taxes, a delivery fee, a processing fee, and then i think sometimes they just like throw eight dollars on there yeah just like they're not gonna look rain fee and i do think they're one of it's one of those things where if you complain they just automatically give you your money back yes and they just bank on not many of us complain it's like amazon although i think amazon started to crack down on that you could you could you could scam amazon for like years you could just be like i never got my thing and they would just be like, here you go. Because it's a trillion dollar business. And now I think it got to the point where it's like, we're not making any money anymore because

we're giving freebies to everyone who purchases anything on our fucking site. I did it the other night. I was tweeting about this. The other night, Saturday night, maybe Sunday night, Saturday night, I think, I got very high. This is the same night I watched the Endless Nash Show.

And then I ordered McDonald's, and I tweeted a picture of it. And it was – Sorry to interrupt. I saw someone that said a very viral tweet that said, you can't trust anybody who orders delivery McDonald's. Oh, oh. And I was like – And it got a lot of people agreeing, and I was like, fuck this.

Staunch disagree. Because, first of all, anybody who you go through the drive-thru and you drive home to eat it, that's delivery. Well, it is. McDonald's. There's someone else doing that for you. I think you can't trust people who order nice food. Yes.

Is this like- Like I'm getting a lobster delivered or something? I've done that before. I've done it. It's trash. It's garbage. You order a steak, guess what? By the time it gets to your apartment, it's well done.

McDonald's, Chinese food, and pizza are like the things that are acceptable to door trash. And I get it's not great when the wings, the fries are not crispy and shit. It's not perfect, but it's like anytime you've gotten delivery, unless you eat it right there

in the parking lot. What does that mean? Who do you trust? That's what I'm saying. That's the bottom rung. What food are you getting delivered? So when I got McDonald's delivered there tonight... He was on a bike too. He's on a bike up in the fucking West Bronx.

And look at where the McDonald's is. The McDonald's is right by my room, which honestly I didn't even know. People were like, why are you so lazy? You didn't even walk to that McDonald's. I didn't even know I had a McDonald's right there next to me. Also, I'm high. Let me tell you a question.

Let me tell you something. Let me ask you something. Is the McDonald's inside my apartment? If it's not, then I'm ordering it. It doesn't matter whether it's here or there. I don't want to get up off this couch. I don't want to have to go outside. And I think that is a thing, though. It doesn't matter whether it's here or there. I don't want to get up off this couch. I don't want to have to go outside.

And I think that that is a thing, though. I'm sure it was someone who maybe isn't from a city who replied that. Dude, there are so many things around me that I didn't even know they were there. I have one time gotten off my subway at my stop, but I was on the other side of the street that I usually am. Wow. I was like, where the fuck am I? Dude, I was like, there's a Dunkin' Donuts here? Where the fuck is it? And I'm looking at the street signs.

There's no way I'm at my street. You know what's really crazy? When you go to the suburbs. I don't know any of the streets next to me. I just know the name of my street. I don't know the one on either side of me at all. See, I did it, but growing up you did. So my my own experience but like not growing up i knew not now in the suburbs like i i just don't i don't know any street names like in the city you know the numbers

and you know the avenues up here i'm like i gun to my head i absolutely could not tell you the street on either side of me that's crazy because like. So you've been there for like two years. Yeah. No longer than that. You've been there for. Five years. Five years. Yeah.

That's. Because I've never, I've never drove, like I don't go down them at all. But you drive past them. Yeah. I literally couldn't tell you. I know like there's a main road. There's Gramerton road, Gramerton Ave. There's West Devonia Ave.

Those are like the big ones. But like the little side streets that are near me. No idea. Yeah. I mean, I guess those side streets are like like they're all dead ends and stuff like that. There's nothing you have to interest yourself with. But you would think. I mean, I do see the signs.

I have no idea what they are. I truly, truly don't. I'm not even lying. I have no idea. But this guy rode a bicycle? He never showed up. A bicycle? Oh, it never happened.

He never showed up. I never canceled it. I don't know what happened to it. And you didn't report anything either, did you? No, of course not. No, I just ordered Domino's, which means I ordered $120 worth of fast food that night. And guess what? I had one slice of Domino's pizza.

I had four chicken kickers. Yeah. But that's all you need. I'm a big fan of that. Like, I just want, like, a bite of certain things. And I understand that's, like, wasting money and, like, wasting food. Well, I understand I'm a complete piece of certain things. And I understand that's like wasting money and wasting food. Well, I understand I'm a complete piece of shit. Yeah.

But it's just like I want – I don't need a full order of wings. Usually I split that with some people. There's nobody else here. I'm only going to have a couple and then have my burger. Whatever. Sorry. That's just how it goes. Well, because they sent me the wrong pizza too.

So I was like – they sent me a pan pizza. I don't like the pan pizza. I like the thin crust. No, I don't like the thin crust. I like the regular standard Domino's pizza. And it came with the pan pizza. I don't like the pan pizza. I like the thin crust. No, I don't like the thin crust. I like the regular standard Domino's pizza. It came with the pan pizza and I didn't want that. Then I had a couple kickers. What's a pan pizza? Thick?

It's a different style. It's one that doesn't... It's hard to... It comes in a black box. Oh, wow. Fancy. Yeah, it's got its own box. All I know is that... I think it is considered the fancier one. Domino's, I like the thin crust because it almost makes me feel like I'm not eating pizza. I'm eating like a flatbread appetizer or something.

I just don't get... What is that Domino's sand? What is that sand? It's good, though. That they fucking throw it? They have like a mountain of it. If you've ever seen... If you've ever gone into a Domino's, they fucking just like... Throwing it on there. It's just like sandpaper sand.

I'd love to just fucking bang a line of it. You ever done a line that had over 1,000 calories in it? Blow the dominoes sand. Most guys, they cut it with X-Lax or baking soda. I cut it with dominoes sand, bro. You got some oregano up in yours. Did you just snort 40 grams of carbs? That drip tastes good, though.

That drip's a lot better than usual. You're all going into Domino's. Can I see this black box? Sorry, keep going. To this day, it is one of my favorite stories. I was walking home. I lived in Murray Hill. I'm walking home from a bar, and I was hungry, but I didn't want a 99-cent slice.

I was like, I was in dominoes mode. I was like, there is a dominoes. I'm probably like, it's in third and 25th. I know. Fucking third or something like that. And I walked in. And first of all, the woman was shocked. She's like, I don't even know these doors open.

I thought I was just a slave back here. We're locked in. And then someone comes and unlocks me with my chips up. Like fucking Jesse Pinkman with the Nazis. Chained up just cooking. She was like, what the fuck is going on? Take the register. Yeah, yeah.

And I was like, sorry, sorry, sorry. Do you guys, can I get a slice? Oh, that's right. That was the lowest moment of your life. And she was like, what the fuck are you talking about? What is wrong with you, man? She was like, the whole pizza's $4. A slice would be like $0.42.

With the carry-out fee, it's $4 for a whole pizza. And guess what? We pay you $10. You pay us $4. We give you a $10 coupon. We pay you $6 to come pick up the pizza and get it out of here. You want a fucking slice? Dude, that's low.

And I was like, ah, never mind. I don't want a whole. And I just didn't want a whole pizza. I just wanted two slices. Yeah. That is a rock-bottom moment, though. I don't know. I love it. Nah, it's not rock-bottom I just wanted two slices. That is a rock bottom moment, though. I don't know. Nah, it's not rock bottom, but it's unusual.

It's a badge of honor with me. I'm very proud of the fact that I walked into a Domino's and asked for a slice. Oh, I had a rock bottom moment. I'll tell you. There's a couple of rock bottom moments in life. One of them is when you realize that your dick's not gonna always work the way

you want it to work and another rock bottom moment is when you come way too fast can I say something real quick here this is hats off to

Colleen cause usually when we have new people in the studio I get weird about this stuff not weird but now you made it weird I wish you didn't do that

no I don't think so I think it was just like hey you fit in pretty quick here yes But now you made it weird. Yeah. I wish you didn't do that. No, I don't think so. I think it was just like, hey, you fit in pretty quick here. Yes, but now, you know, it's a thing. I'm still just not looking at it. Oh, I still am not going to look at it. Come on. I'm talking crazy.

No, I still have autism. I still have autism. But when you hit your rock bottom moments, Roman is there for you, whether you're talking about erectile dysfunction or you're talking about premature ejaculation. The Roman swipes and the medication. The medication is there to help you get hard. The Roman swipes are there to help you stay hard.

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My nerve endings are exposed. But it doesn't eliminate the sensation altogether. I might as well wear a condom if I'm going to do that. Come on. It's like a crazy. A 2019 study says that Roman increased orgasm time by 4X. That's crazy.

Increasing orgasm time. Or like, you know, the time. That's like four times as long. That's crazy. We're talking 8, 10 minutes now. Dude, this is going to be one of those things, maybe. We didn't think about what we created. Yeah, yeah.

It's like, I'm going to fuck for an hour now. Yeah, holy shit. It's like, use your Roman swipe, baby. roman swipe baby oh dude really in the year 30 30 like the world's gonna be just roaming with fucking raw fucking fucking monsters he's just like what have we done we used to listen to podcasts and they told us to buy roman swipes and now now i fuck for an eternity that's 30 30 right now yeah this year it's good to go uh all swipes uh? Now I fuck for an eternity. That's 30-30 right now. Yeah. This year. It's good to go. All swipes are two-day free shipping.

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That's GetRoman.com slash KFC for 20% off. The other rock bottom moment in my life is the glasses. Wait, what do you mean? I need glasses. You need actual glasses. I got them a while ago, and I haven't used them. And I just, I can't, like, I can't,

when we put things on the TV, when I'm, like, looking at a score on a TV, granted when it's, like, far away, so I'm still being hard on myself. I need glasses. And I got these, and I've had these for six months, and I just haven't been wearing them because it fucks with me a little bit. When you get glasses, you put them on, you feel like you're eight feet tall. It's really weird.

I thought it was just something with me, and I Googled it, and your eyes are getting acclimated to it, and one of the sensations is just because things are enhanced or whatever. whatever i look down at my feet they look like they are nine feet away from me really and it's like weird to walk like one of i was reading like reddit pages and forums where people are like is this normal and everybody says the same thing like be careful when you're stepping off the curb because you it's just like a weird so i just feel like i'm a nine foot giraffe like walking off off the uh so i i've recently been thinking I'm about – it's about optometrist time. Not quite.

I didn't think that. I'm like, it's far enough. I didn't think that. I went to get – I needed to get my license renewed or something, and they were like, it's enough time has gone by that you need a doctor, an optometrist thing. So I just went for a formality. And they came back and they were like,

here's your prescription. I was like, for what? And they have these things like these, it looks like a it's like a keychain almost that has a bunch of different lenses that they can put in and out. And then he was like, you need this one and this one and put it on. He was like, how's that? And I was like, holy

shit. Like, whoa. Let me get him. It's not like, whoa, but it's like when I looked at it. No, I can definitely. I mean, like, here's the deal. I can't read. I can read the stuff on the left.

Like, up top, I can't read that stuff. And I think it's because I know what that stuff says. Like, I mean, it makes it better. It's not demonstrably better for me. I'm sure it's your prescription. Do you need, like, close-up? Like, does that make a difference to you? No, no, close-up's fine.

Yeah. It's far from me. Yeah, I mean, but no, you know what? Like, it's not that it, do you see a difference? Like, I don't read it, but I, like, it gets, like, almost bolder. Like, it looks like the ink is darker or the letters are more you know no it's basically the same for me so you're good then i um i was like fuck i was i mean i've been 2020 my whole life yeah we actually both kind of we kind of hang our hats on that yeah

but it but it was like recently like i feel like we did this like i remember recently within the last couple years i was like reading something and were like, you can read that from there? And I was like, yeah. And now, I don't know. It just started to go fast. But then they tell you that once you start wearing your glasses, it goes faster. Right. So I'm like, what do I do?

And then I've also read that straining your eyes when you need glasses is bad for them, too. That's fucking science for you, isn't it, Kevin? Yeah. Everything's wrong. Which fucking side? Why isn't it kevin yeah everything everything's wrong why don't you pick it up oh you want to hear some awesome speaking of science yeah dude this guy all-time legend so my sister is uh i don't think she'll care if i say she's pregnant and she's uh very very almost due she's the the chillest pregnant girl ever yeah it's like how's it been she's like it's fine yeah she's whatever i always makes you think all you other bitches are lying i believe her quote

was well i said was being pregnant like she said exactly the same as not being pregnant i swear to god if you guys are lying about this shit and just acting this whole time i'm gonna fucking flip it's exactly the same like i just got a little bit bigger of a stomach but the she saw her doctor yesterday and it came up in conversation that her doctor an older man, medical doctor

has not seen a doctor since he was 11 years old if that doesn't throw a fucking wrench in the whole system where it's like this is all fucking fake. And when she asked why, I don't want to misquote him. She asked why he hasn't been to a doctor. Because it's all a fucking racket.

Since he was 11 years old. They take your blood pressure and they take your pulse and then you leave. He goes, why would I go to the doctor? They're just going to tell me to stop eating what I like. Yeah, it's like we all know the answer. Stop drinking. Don't eat fat. Stop smoking. We just don't want to do it. Again, he's an older guy, so it's a different

time, but like 12, he probably went to the factory. But imagine being 12 years old telling your mom, I'm done with doctors. I'm not doing this. Honey, you need your checkup for like 7th grade. No, I don't. The doctor hasn't been to the doctor since he hit puberty. That's great. Good for him. Fuck the system. He went to medical school

to be like, this is all bullshit. By the time he was in medical school, he hadn't been to the doctor in 15 years. Now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. Speaking of assholes, you are an asshole if you don't, you're an asshole if you eat food on a podcast. I thought we were kind of in a

pause there and a little long. No, but you can do it. Just stay away from the microphone. Just do it. Now my mouth is watering, though, you son of a bitch. Don't ever go in a foxhole with this guy. You're an asshole if you don't try to better yourself mentally these days. Everybody goes to the gym. Everybody wants to look good and have a healthy body.

And why they don't work out their mind and take care of their mind and do maintenance on their brain. I don't know why. It's just as important. You do all this work in the gym to be hot, and then you're a fucking lunatic and nobody likes you? What's the point? What's the point? Work out your brain just as much as you work out your body,

and you can do it with BetterHelp. BetterHelp is an online service where you can get mental help and therapy, meaning you can text them, you can do it over the phone, you can do it over a video chat without ever having to go to an office, do it in person, and go through some of the awkwardness. I've been thinking about getting back in the game. Yeah? I definitely got to get back in the game.

Get back in the game. They're going to be pretty surprised. When you come back? Yeah. Because that's things happening. Oh, boy. I got some doozies for you. I feel like it's a TV show.

It's like, oh, you missed seasons three through five. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You missed. The season four finale was wild, Doc. We're going to. We're going to. You missed a lot. We've got a lot to catch up on.

But they can get you, uh, linked up with the doctor and having an appointment within 48 hours. Uh, and like I said, you don't have to go travel anywhere or sit in the waiting rooms or meet face to face, avoid some of that awkwardness.

Although, you know, the point is to try to get better so that you don't feel awkward about going on these appointments, but start with, start with the, uh, the virtual help.

Go to betterhelp.com B-E-T-T-E-R H-E-L-P dot com. See now, BetterHelp has sent a copy before where it spells out BetterHelp. And now they send copy where better is not spelled out, but help is. Do you think that help is the harder

word to spell than better? They're both equally easy words to spell. What kind of mind games yeah yeah words to spell they are i what kind of mind games are you playing with me better help i'm going to talk to my therapist about how better help is playing with my fucking brain and emotion by spelling out the different words it's b-e-t-t-e-r-h-e-l-p.com slash kfc you can get 10 off your first month and if you can uh stick it out you will be a better problem solver you will be a healthier person you will have a better life and a healthier mind at betterhelp.com slash kfc well speaking of

the doctors our girl jackie is out probably right now as we speak getting her nose smashed yeah and reshaped um i've told her she has to vlog and post about this because I think it's one of the most unique people, nose jobs are one of the most like it's gotten better but I think it's one of these taboo things where it's like you disappear for a few weeks and you come back with a totally different face and nobody says anything about it

for some reason, why not just be like here's what's going on, I thought the video she did on her Instagram was amazing, like being so honest about it and being like I just want to fix this and I'm going to do it. And I've had experience with it in the past. And like, I love my tits now. So I'm going to love my nose. I'm going to be a happier person.

Done. Anybody who judges that, fuck you. So she's chronicling the whole process. If you've ever had any questions or whatever, you can now ask Jackie. Not a medical professional. She makes that very clear. She's like, I don't know if this is right or wrong, but I'm going to do it.

And I thought her line that her mom gave her was a good one. It's a very KFC Radio-esque line. It was about when she moved out to LA, moved out to New York, which I think is very different than getting a nose job. Moving and being like, I'm going to take a risk or this is going to be my career and I have to leave home. And her mom said, well, if you fuck up, that's your mistake to make i think that's a very different than getting a nose job but i guess if you fuck if you come out with a nose you don't like it's like well i made

a mistake i don't like yeah i don't know i don't think those two things are very um comparable but uh that's my mistake to make is a mantra to live by i got a text message me and nick were put on a text by somebody that i'm not kidding i think was maybe the most socially inappropriate thing i've ever come across and this person said i don't have jackie's number so like pass this along and thank god they didn't have jackie's Because this was on the eve of her surgery. She said, I hope you tell her that a nose job killed baby from Dirty Dancing's career. And I don't know if she'll be jacked up anymore without a jacked up nose. I'm very disappointed.

Ask me to pass that along to a girl who's getting a nose job. I mean, I have to ask who it was. It's fucking insanity. Can you show me who it was? Yeah. It's fucking insanity. In what world should I be like, hey, I heard you're getting a nose job tomorrow by the way it's been known to ruin people's careers and also i don't think you're gonna be like funny

anymore with a new nose why the fuck would you tell someone that when they're getting like the maybe like the first day they say hey i'm thinking about a nose job if you're first of all if you're like extremely close to them like family and maybe you think it's a bad idea for some reason. Otherwise, shut the fuck up! Are you crazy? Also, it fucking can't do anything but help Jackie's career because A, she's going to get hot or B, she's going to get grotesque. Either way, it's a good story.

It's going to help her career tremendously. Anybody in this career, in this job, you're so self-conscious, you're thrown into a world where you just have everybody judging you. At least we grew with this. The new people who come in go from normal to being judged

by hundreds of thousands of people like that. And it crushes your self-esteem and your ego. And now she's just going to fix it and be happy and be secure and do a better job and be hotter. There's no way that this backfires unless this guy is a quack doctor and chops his nose. And guess what?

Then you just go get another one. Therein lies what I've been hoping to bring up. I don't know where Jackie is going for this. I wish we were more involved in the process. When I heard... I wish we were a little more involved okay well i don't know if i can say all this but i i found out a little bit first of all she's at lenox hill hospital it's a good hospital i also went to the guy's uh instagram and there was a

chick with a fucking so you are very involved well this was just last night and then like it was too late you know i couldn't i was gonna just say great no matter what but there was a girl with a schnoz and the before and after was like a miracle okay i'm like all right well that makes you feel good enough she went to brie and brie told her this guy but then brie didn't end up going with this guy so i don't know like well because he probably said what so i was asking jackie yes, Monday after we recorded, we were kind of sitting in the studio, and I was like, so let me see your Pinterest board. Joking, but being kind of serious, like, what are the noses you've shown this guy?

Like, what noses do you like? Like, what are you hoping to get out of this? And she's like, oh, I don't have one. Like, she didn't show him an example nose? Yeah, and I was like, what does that mean? And she said, I started talking about it, and he was very dismissive. And he's like, no, no, no, you don't get a say. I think that's a good thing.

Really? I think that, like, I think if you show up with, like, make me look like J-Lo. It's like, this is not fucking, you know, I can't like. But it is. It's not, though. I think you got to work with what you got. I think you're a fucking certain. Dude, like, if i walked into a hair salon and i sat down i've done this before and they were like you can't i can't make you look like that guy but but like i'd

be like i have a they were like no you he's like no you go out and i just do what i can and like if they were like i'm just gonna i'm just gonna fucking vibe right now i'd be like how about fucking no you're not like what if you give me a faux hawk? What if that's your vibe? Well, no, that I understand, but I also understand them being like,

you don't have that type of hair or that flow or that, like, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that, but then be like,

okay, so I'll take a, I'll pick it, why would you put me in the direction of more my nose? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, she probably should have

had an example and talked about it and then he could say, well, I probably should have had an example and talked about it, and then he could say, well, I'm not going to make you look exactly like that, but we'll get you there or whatever. But I also think plastic surgeons are not in the business of giving bad nose jobs. No, particularly like New York ones.

Yeah, this is like a fucking Upper East Side, New York surgeon. This guy has nose jobs in his sleep, I bet. I think it was a Jewish name. I'm happy with that, usually. You usually want to go for one of those guys. What is that line in The Patient where he goes,

I went to three Jewish therapists. And I picked you. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. So it'll be fine. And she'll come back with like the two black eyes and all that shit will be great. It's gonna be great for content. Her first video is amazing. You should follow everybody.

What's her Instagram? Something stupid and it's not easy like Jackie Nichols. It's like JNicks underscore. It's definitely JNicks. J underscore Nicks. Stupid fucking handle. So go follow along on her journey. But yeah, and don't tell her that it's a bad idea.

Congrats on the career, Rewinner Jack. Yeah, Jesus Christ. You know what we should do when she gets back? Fire her. You know what? When she gets out of surgery, I i'm gonna tweet like we're looking for a new producer uh requirements of the big noses the second she's out of surgery requirements include like i'll make a graphic yeah like proficient in length of nose yeah it needs to

be like proficient in premiere or whatever you guys use uh like social media and have a huge honker a big old fat schnoz but it is funny when like you know she was like here look like look at this like this is what i want fixed she goes look from this angle that's not cute i don't like that i was like you know it's refreshing to talk about she's like i don't like this thing i want to get i want to fix it yeah no it's it's what i think every time i watch a video of me so yeah you maybe you should be next i have i have avoided catching a million strays. We've been talking about Jackie's no-jump for a long time.

No one in this room has just screamed, what about yours, fights? What are you doing, yours? I got the same comment today. You did? What's wrong with your nose? I got an Italian nose. I get a Roman nose, too.

I got a Pesci nose. What do you get? Pesci, Joe Pesci? Let me see. It turns out. I think that's a completely normal nose. I think you have? Peshy, Joe Peshy. Let me see. It turns out. I think that's a completely normal nose. I think you have as normal as nose gets. Showing it to the people.

I think that's a very normal nose. They just say it's an Italian Joe Peshy nose. Is it pointy? Is that what they mean? I think it's a little pointy. I got a great nose. I got a swoopy nose. I got that swoopy nose.

You got a little button nose. Yeah, I got a little gay nose. I got a nose that Jackie probably wants. Her after hopefully looks like mine to her. You got a little button nose. Yeah, I got a little gay nose. I got a nose that Jackie probably wants. Yeah, right, right, right. Her after hopefully looks like mine to her. I have a nose like the little, like the who's in Whoville. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right. It looks like I got a nose job.

It looks like I transitioned. I was like, give me a girl nose. I got a chick nose. So, yeah, we'll see. Jackie, she did say that yesterday. She said, what if I come back and I was like Michael Jackson? I'd be like, oh, that'd be amazing back and I was like Michael Jackson that'd be amazing that'd be so great that'd be amazing

we would stop looking for a new producer by the way did you see the video of Michael Jackson and Princess Diana no Tyrese of all people

you know Tyrese is kind of like a meme page if you follow him on Instagram he posts like other shit that's just like

not him or he was telling this story about, so that's Prince Stan and that's Charles, and he tells the story. And I saw Prince Charles look at me, and I said, oh boy.

She said, I want to talk to you. So I said, yeah, what's happening? She said, are you going to do Dirty Diana tonight? I said, no, no, I took it out of the show. it's like literally right that conversation right then is that is there any about wait the best part is the very end so at that point I couldn't put him back on the show because it was too close to show time.

So I remember Prince Charles leaving the line, walking over to us and he said, what are you talking about? She said, oh, nothing.

If you watch it back, it's like, literally Prince Charles came over and was like, what's going on here? What are you guys talking about? She was like, oh, nothing. If you watch it back, it's like literally Prince Charles came over and was like, what's going on here? What are you guys talking about? She was like, oh, nothing. Walked away. When Michael Jackson was still at his peak. And there's a song called Dirty Diana.

And she's like, are you going to play that tonight? Is Dirty Diana about her? I would imagine not. But I'm sure at the time, just being like 80 superstars, that it was like, you know. But if you watch watch it's on tyrese's uh thing and once you know that that's the story when you watch it back again and you like they have the footage of the conversation that michael jackson's talking about and you see him be like what are you guys talking about over here and she's like nothing i'm gonna fuck this

guy that was like before he got like real weird you know like he must have been a fucking well i don't know he was so weird you think that you think that you think michael jackson fucked regular people too um yeah no i would think so like in general i would i think you're a creep like that do you also have sex with like i think in general no i think he i think he's a special kind of creep where it was just like i am everything everything because I wasn't born this way. I feel like a lot of creeps are born that way. I feel like a pedophile is born a pedophile.

Yeah, which is a shame. I know people get bent out of shape when there's doctors who write articles that are like, we should help these people. And it's like, shut the fuck up. They're kid touchers. Like, well, you know. Yeah, well. It does suck.

If I was a pedophile, I would be like, fuck. Like, why could I have any of the other ones you know make me a drug addict make me a fucking murderer make me any of the other things but it's why they should do a lot of like anime trial they gotta get it somewhere guys well that is just that's true that's what i'm saying like why don't we get in the business i've said this before i think on the show why don't we make no why don't i don't we shouldn't make it but other people should make it like you know we should they should make

sex dolls yeah that are children. I never said that. I never said that. That's not what I was going to say. I wasn't going to say that. I tricked you. That's not what I was going to say. I was going to say sex dolls are a little bit shorter.

But like, why wouldn't you just do that? Yeah. They're like little people sex dolls, but they also come with L.L. Bean backpacks and they try and run away a little bit alright alright

alright alright enough out of that guy cut that guy's mic turn it off goodness gracious we they shouldn't do that

but I don't know we we we we gotta talk about something else now yeah oh we gotta talk about

the great the great chess scandal ah yes there's an article circulating around that a lot of people want us to talk about

that I think has the potential to be a scandal. Although I just, I don't think people are realizing that this is just, as they say over in the pond, taking the piss. Yeah. I think they're just taking the piss.

Across the pond. Across the pond. What did I say, over the pond? Over in the pond, you said. Pond. Yeah, those fucking dirty Brits in the pond. I saw some tweet about all this Queen hubbub. People being like,

I don't think Americans realize how much British people hate America. It's like, we don't fucking care. You're absolutely right. I had no idea. How about you guys are just a tiny little bitch-ass country now that we don't give a fuck what you like. We tell you what's cool. Shut the fuck up. I actually did when I was in high school.

I had a British friend. And we would tease him about Fourth of July and shit like that. Yeah, hell yeah. And he'd be like, mate, we celebrate the 4th of July too. Yeah, exactly. We got rid of you fucks. No, no. Fuck off. You guys would love to still own us. Yeah.

Yeah. We're a good spot now. We're an investment they sold pretty early and things have gone pretty well. They didn't sell it though. No, I know, but it was an investment they sold pretty early and things have gone pretty well. They didn't sell it though. No, I know, but it was an investment you lost. It's like Call Her Daddy. If you want to talk about the all-time

blown leads, let's talk about the fucking British Empire. They ain't shit now. No. Well, I mean, they're shit. They're a developed country. They're a top ten squad. Yeah, that's what I mean.

They're just little bitch boys. They used to be Alabama. Now they're like fucking... Like Notre Dame. Like Cincinnati squeaking in. Yeah. It's like we broke away. Can you imagine that?

We broke away, and they were like, all right, there's just like a few colonies over there, and next thing you know, we've got like 3,000 miles worth of fucking land and shit. And I go, oops, we blew this one. Just buying stuff from the French and the Indians for like $10. Yeah, we fuck you guys up. These guys are good.

No, the, yeah, I can see that, that they're like a. Shout out to the French. Shout out to the French? I mean, they don't get any credit. Like, they won the war. We like to talk about like george washington like and guerrilla warfare it was like the french came over with a badass navy and fucked shit up yeah yeah that's it was not they don't get enough credit for that and that's their own fault because

the french suck that's if i was if i was the french i would be like i want my credit every fucking every single time someone talks about the american revolution oh you mean the french revolution you mean the fucking french Revolution that we won, bitch? I'm so dumb and believe such propaganda that like, I'm like, I don't know what you mean. The ghost won the war. The ghost? Yeah. What's that? That's the Patriot.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, the French do come in at the end of that, but they're Dude, they got General Cornwallis' back against the wall before the French come in. No. I think it's like 100% opposite. I think we were fucked and it was like, oh, we got help from another world. Really?

Yeah. See, I'm – and this is where we got – you and I certainly very much differ where like you – I don't know if it's appreciate, but you acknowledge and you take time to delve into to a certain extent, like conspiracy theories and stuff like that. Yeah. Well, I don't think this is a conspiracy, but like,

but the thing was like, I just hear what's told to me and I go, that's all right. Right. Sounds good. You are a picture perfect American. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Dude, vote for me because this, okay. Bro, Pat Tillman got killed storming a hill because he's a fucking hero bro he is a hero that doesn't change anything but it wasn't uh it wasn't really i remember the story that was first told was like oh like it was like a literal movie scene where it's like and it was

friendly fire it was a friendly fire yeah it's like his battalion wasn't gonna go in he was like fuck it boys like some leroy jenkins shit yeah to go in. He was like, fuck it, boys. It's like some Leroy Jenkins shit. Yeah, yeah. I mean, and that's fine. Like, you know, let that be, but it's also. What was I just watching recently, too, propaganda-wise? Oh, I watched Green Zone. I don't know why I did, but I did.

What's that? The Matt Damon movie about the war in Iraq, and it's like his character is like a chief who is just like, every WMD site he goes to, it's just like. Nothing. It's not even, it's not even like not a WMD site. It's like, this is a toilet factory.

Right. Like, that's one of them. He's like, we, he's like, we like lost like the troops, like taking this toilet factory and then they're trying to figure out like, and it's just like, it's American. That one gets brushed under the rug a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. But they're still there

they just yeah I haven't seen them WMDs are still there Matt's gonna find them um the but it was like I mean when you hear things like that doesn't that make you question like almost everything uh probably well no it doesn't make it sure I should like we went to a whole ass like war because of it.

And there was nothing. That's crazy, dude. That's crazy. It actually did get like, it's like one of those movies where it gets a little, what's the word I'm looking for? Propagandish? No, no, like preachy. It gets a little preachy. Yeah. Where like there's a scene where like Matt grabs the swarmy

US rep who's been kind of like doing things behind the scenes it's played by someone he recognized Greg Kinnear and uh and he grabs him

and he gives him like a speech where he's like he's like it doesn't matter it already started we're here yeah yeah yeah of course it fucking matters the reasons we go to war

always matter what happens the next time we need the world to trust us? We'll just do it again. That's the thing. We'll just lie again. They're still dumb. Don't worry. The people will be dumb again.

It's crazy what you can tell people. How about Brett Favre? Brett Favre, known to be sleazeball, dick pics, sexually harassing girls and shit. Kind of. Kind of a bump in the road like siphoning money from a government fund to build a volleyball arena but people freaking out as i i've read none of this so i've read one tweet okay now was it like his idea or was the

university of missouri like hey brett i, we got $5 million for you. Because it wasn't for him, right? Well, his daughter plays volleyball. Yeah, so they built a new volleyball team. Right. And I'm sure he pocketed some cash. Why did he pocket cash? Because this is what I mean, though.

It's like, someone's got to pocket cash. It's a government building project. It's always shady. It just happened to me while Brett Favre was dying. But why? I don't understand. There's DMs from Brett Favre saying, hey But why? I don't understand. Brett Favre. There's DMs from Brett Favre saying, hey, if you guys.

DMs? Yeah. I think so. I think they look like DMs. You about to take notes on a federal fucking crime? Was that live from the wire? Yo, you about to take notes on a federal fucking conspiracy? Yeah. You can't DM.

That's what's crazy. The tweets or the screenshots I saw looked like... The opening one is quite nefarious. If you were to pay me, is there any way the media spelled anyway wrong, is there any way the media can find out where

it came from? I spelled anyway wrong. What is it? Not one word? That version anyway. I thought you meant it was like like the the letters were wrong that's correct um no we've had that information publicized i understand you being uneasy about that though let's see what happens on monday with a conversation with some of the folks at southern maybe it'll click with them hopefully okay thanks wow just

got the phone with phil bryant he's on boilers we'll get we will get this done awesome i needed to hear that for sure oh man when you start out with a dm yeah any way they can find out about this i mean how stupid you have to be but i don't think this is nearly as bad as the other shit i think like ruining jen sturger's life is way worse than like like i said if it wasn't brett farr it's going to be some other fucking construction company or another famous athlete or some politician. But what did he do? Why did they just reach out to Brett Favre and be like, can I give you money? Why was he

getting money? He probably put his name on something at the university or some shit. Let's see. And he personally received money for this. Not just they built a volleyball stadium and his daughter played for the team. John, I don't know. I don't care either way. Okay, let's say, first of all, if it's just that a volleyball stadium got built,

I definitely don't care. And if it's that a volleyball stadium got built and Brett Favre lined his pockets, yeah, he's a fucking scumbag. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I don't care in the sense, like, I get that it's, like, wrong. I'm just saying that, like, this shit is happening always. Yeah, there's a lot more. Is this something that should be cleaned up?

Yeah. Is it in the top 100 things on the list? I was going to say, 100th on the list. And it's not even on the top 100 of Brett Favre behavior. Like, okay, so they built a volleyball arena that was probably going to get built anyway. And if

it wasn't, like, if the funds Okay, you think the funds were going to go to, like, something good? No, it was going to go to another fucking scumbag project. Yeah, it's. This is actually probably the best thing that that money could have gone to is a volleyball arena for some girls. It is. It is very weird. It does not seem like he got money.

It seems like they just built a volleyball arena. And maybe if you read more, like, you know, he scammed someone off the top or whatever. But, like, you know, Brett brett farve others work to channel at least five million dollars yeah like who fucking cares let's talk about him you know sending his dick around and then like getting people blackballed from the sports media world because that's what he did fucking 15 years ago that is you know let's see uh far still owes 220 000 on interest that could be taken to court. I can read this with my new glasses.

The money he received was part of approximately $77 million. So, like, you know, yes, it's bad. And if you told me that that money was going to go to, it says, needy families, like, I guarantee you that the money wasn was going to go to, it says needy families, like I guarantee you that, that, that money wasn't going to go to them. You know, like there's always shitty scum, scumbag shit going on with government money. And Brett Favre was a part of it.

And the poor people ain't ever getting it. Right. To me, this is like, I, maybe you want to call it this, the, the,

the, the straw that broke the camel's back. But to me, like, let's talk about the fucking, the dick pics and the goddamn, you know, blackballing. Fucking back. But to me, like, let's talk about the fucking dick pics and the goddamn you know, blackballing. Fucking jerk. I read a few

Jenster just tweets like, she got fucked. She got fucked. Because she said it was just like right before the Me Too era. So everyone was just like, shut the fuck up. Like, we don't talk about the victims. And nowadays, you know, she would be you know, front and center as a victim and getting, you know, restitution and all sorts of shit.

And instead it was like she got fired from the Jets. She got blackballed from any sort of sports media. Everybody who, like, you know, they wanted Brett Favre to work with them. So she doesn't get to work with them. Hate seeing a fellow Nogle down like that. She's the most famous Nogle of all time, if you ask me. No! She's up there. She's up there.

She's my most famous Nolgol. What do you got, Flutie? You got Flutie? No. Dion Sanders is a pretty big one. I'll pick Jen. Did you see Dion's speech with Let's Do It Again playing? It was awesome.

No. He's on his phone, and he plays that fucking, I don't know, like Motown song, Let's Do It Again. I don't know that song. You would know it. And he puts the song on low so you can hear it while he gives his speech. And the whole thing is like, you know, he threw for a touchdown last week.

What's he going to do? He's going to do it it again and then he goes through the whole team doing it again while there's like this i don't think it's motown but it's like one of those songs playing and then i was like this guy like this guy's got yeah there's a reason why fucking you know jackson state is is the like the the talk of football even know, being a much lesser program because this dude is the fucking goods. He is the man. Anyway, yeah, Brett Favre's an asshole. No fucking kidding. That makes sense.

Yeah, and if the volleyball arena was the, like, thing to push you over the edge, I guess good, but where have you been the last, like, 10 years? What has Ed Werder had to say about it? Ed Werder, is he still alive? Yeah. If he is he still alive? Yeah. Maybe he is.

He's going to die when Brett Favre dies. It'll be like Jon Snow, and now my watch has ended. And then, you know how Joe Paterno died when he didn't have football? Edward will die

when he doesn't have the Cowboys or Brett Favre to talk about. But this all came up because we were going to talk about chess. Oh, yeah. Chess.

So the world of chess. I don't know how. How we got there. I don't know how. How we got there. I don't know how that happened. The world of chess, there's a guy who beat another guy, and they were like, this guy had to have cheated.

There's no way he couldn't have, like, he knew this move was coming. And this guy has cheated before in the past, so he has a stained record. And someone on Reddit playfully said... Are, yes, yes, a thousand percent. I think there's others other cheating that is real. Vibrating anal beads up his ass and that someone was live streaming the match to a artificial intelligence computer that could tell you which move to make. And then the buzzing up his asshole would tell him which chess piece to move. And this guy on Reddit, like it's like the top vote getter, gold getter, whatever.

And it's written very sarcastically and everyone's laughing and then the headlines made people think it was real and i think it's just something that like we don't know what goes on in the chess world so we're like i don't know if this i think people were like okay maybe that happens if this isn't what happened and it hasn't happened before then chess sucks at cheating if you ain't trying anal beads vibrating bro i guess that should be the telltale sign because even as i was reading i was like i was reading it and i was like it wouldn't trying anal beads vibrating... Bro, I guess that should be the telltale sign. Because even as I was reading it, I was like, I was reading it, and I was like,

it wouldn't be anal beads, just so you know. It would be like one pod. It would be like a vibrator. It would be more of a butt plug. A vibrating butt plug, not anal beads. Anal beads would be ridiculous. You'd have to have a whole thing up your ass. You fucking idiots.

You're just sitting on a hook the whole time. I mean, anal blades would be ridiculous. I mean, you'd have to have a whole thing up your ass. Yeah, you fucking idiots. Morons. You're just sitting on a hook the whole time. Yeah, come on. No, it would be one of those, you know, the ones that have like a little jewel on the end. Yeah, right, right, for sure, yeah. And then that vibrates and you just give it like a Morse code, you know, rook to like H7. Yeah, I'm sure it'd be pretty easy to figure out like the coding of it. I don't think it would be that easy.

I don't think. You think if I gave you a code you could tell your asshole vibrations well enough? Oh, god, yeah. Bro, if you can't tell when your asshole is vibrating... No, no, no, but you gotta be able to tell multiple vibratings and short ones.

It's gotta be like Morse code. You think you could do Morse code on your asshole? I don't think you could. I absolutely could. I'd have to learn Morse code first. I don't think your asshole could discern, like, was that short or long? Was that, okay, this is what that means by. Are you kidding me? Have you ever met your asshole? I could do that.

Not as intimately as you have. I could do that so easily, dude. I don't think you could. I guess it depends on how complicated your asshole is. This is going to fucking suck. I don't want to get too into this. Let's get the vibrator out, bro. Because then people are going to be like, you just have to do it.

I'm going to create a little Morse code for you, and we're going to put a fucking plug up your ass, and I'm going to vibrate it. My thing is I don't feel like learning Morse code. Well, I'll come up with my own thing. Okay. I'll be like, two more. I know. That wasn't okay for that. Ladies and gentlemen, we got him.

That was a different okay. That was one of those, like, I'm paying attention to the conversation. That was a binding contract. We got him. And I'm going to write out a little fucking sentence. And you're going to be like, mm-mm-mm-mm. You're going to be like, the lazy brown dog jumped over the brown fox. I think it would be something like where you have, like, so R is two beeps.

Right? Like, that's Rook. And then K is two beeps, right? Like that's rook. And then K is three beeps. Right. That's what I mean. Like, I don't know if you'd be able to discern between two and three beeps. Bro, what are you talking about? It depends on how specific we're going to get.

Like if it was just like. I can feel when something in my ass is vibrating when it stops. But if it needs to be like, if it needs to be a long series of them it's gonna be not hypothetically speaking the i mean like here's the deal like i actually i really have never had that i'm also really fucking positive i can tell when something in my head stops vibrating yeah and i can tell you're really telling the truth right now, John. I really never had that. Really, totally never. Dude, this is a stupid conversation.

Apparently. This is dumb. I can fucking... All right. I'm just right. We're going to get a butt plug that I can control. And you have to spell out the sentence. We're going to play fucking checkers.

We've talked about this with Bert before. We were like, that would be a bridge too far. You already said okay to this. I said okay. It was a different thing. Only on this podcast. That was such a casual okay considering subject matter.

It was like a yeah, I'm with you. I'm with you. What have I done? What was I going to say here. Also, this all plays very much into our Kevin Smith interview. Stay tuned. Make sure you listen to the very, very end of the Kevin Smith interview. It is.

It's unbelievable. Unbelievable. The last like five minutes, let's say. It's great. Speaking of assholes, let's get into am I the asshole? Who's the biggest asshole? All right. Well, another am I the asshole here is brought to you by Yogi Bo.

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Be comfortable. YogiBow.com. Endorsed fully by King of the Indoors. Team Indoors, Captain for Life. I love the Yogi Bows. You can't get a better endorsement than that. Do you have one? It's long though.

I've not read it either. Do you have a great one? No? No? No? Okay. So here we go. Am I the asshole for making my girlfriend leave the country? This is my first time posting on Reddit, so forgive any errors or if the format is weird.

I also can't give too many details as my girlfriend and a lot of close friends are avid Redditors. I have a feeling this person is going to be found out. I, 28 male, have been dating my girlfriend, 27 female, for five years. We met in college where she was an international student. She started working after graduating while I had currently been doing a master's. Her company was sponsoring her visa until they got bought out and she got laid off. She was given a limited time to find a new employer to sponsor her a new visa, and it really stressed her out.

She was applying to jobs every day and did a lot of interviews but unfortunately wasn't able to get an offer. She really wanted to stay since she loves the place and I would still be here in the country. While I was out with a buddy, he suggested that I sponsor her visa since we have been in a relationship for quite some time.

I love her and I didn't want to see her so stressed out and I told her about the idea. She was hesitant at first. She said she didn't want me to think that she was with me so she could be her why can't I read you sound like you're illiterate you sound like Ray J trying to read

it is I'm trying to zoom in a little bit she was hesitant at first I wanted her to stay and I wanted her to do it. We consulted an immigration consultant. We consulted an immigration consultant. That sounds like I can't read, but that's what it says. We consulted an immigration consultant and decided to do the paperwork on her own.

She needed the one who mostly... Are you fucking serious? I can read, dude, okay? It's smaller! Lea Michele over here. It's smaller fucking font, dude. This is bullshit. This is bullshit.

No, it's not that. See if they make a difference, you fucking retard. No, no, no, not. She applied for the... She still applied for the job, but not as urgently as she used to. Am I the asshole for doing a podcast segment where I have to read and not knowing how to read? Dude, it's...

God damn it. It's some Charlie Kelly shit. It took a while since we never really had anything joint. We lived together and just split the bills on our own. She had enough saved up to be okay for a while. See, now once I'm zooming in, I'm good. Dude, this is long, man. Can we get a close notion?

No, I never read it. I still don't know what it is. This might come back. This question might suck. I had to fill out some paperwork to be your sponsor, and I felt uneasy about it. I did want her to stay, but it felt like it was too much. Eventually, she was done with her part, and all that was left was mine. I finally told her I didn't want I felt uneasy about it. I did want her to stay but it felt like it was too much. Eventually she was done with

her part and all that was left was mine. I finally told her I didn't want to go through with it. She was very upset and sad and said asked why. And said asked why. See that's not my fault. This is written in poor English and it's small. I told her that I suggested the idea because I didn't want to see her stressed out all the time

and then I eventually realized that I shouldn't have to be responsible for her. We had a long talk where I told her that I still want to be in a relationship with her but I don't want to see her stressed out all the time and then I eventually realized that I shouldn't have to be responsible for her. We had a long talk where I told her that I still want to be in a relationship with her, but I don't want to be forced to be responsible for her. She said she felt very hurt by what I said. Things changed and she didn't really talk to me afterwards. She kept applying for jobs and attending interviews,

but eventually her visa expired. Before she left, I told her I am rocking now. Before she left, I told her I love her and that I would really want to see her come back. However, she told me she sees me differently after the things, I told her I love her and that I would really want to see her come back. However, she told me she sees me differently after the things I told her. It's been a few weeks since she left. I miss her cooking. Oh, dude. Her cooking number

one is so fucked up. That's like being like, oh, she's a pretty girl. She's funny, too. I miss her cooking, her presence, and being able to spend time with her. I still want a future with her. I still want a future with her. However, our close friends have been telling me that I was an asshole.

I disagree and I think they are biased. So here I'm asking what Reddit thinks. Am I the asshole? There is... So like, long story short, he didn't get her a visa? Yeah, but like he proposed the idea and then decided to take it back. I think he's definitively the asshole.

Like, 100%. I don't think you're an asshole if you say to somebody, I don't want to be responsible for your life. What does that fucking mean, dude? Well, you can't. I don't know how visas work. So, let's start there. Yeah, me too. You can't propose something like I'll be your visa sponsor and then pull it back.

Yeah, you should have thought that one out first before taking it. But I do understand the idea. Like, why? What does he mean? Why are you responsible for her? When you're in a relationship, though, like if she gets arrested, like you get arrested, too. No, but I think one of main things with relationships for me is, like, I don't want to be responsible for your feelings. I don't like that, you know? Yeah.

I don't like the feeling of, like, if I don't want to be in this relationship anymore and I know I'm going to, like, crush you by breaking up with you, like, I don't want to go down that road. road like i i think being you know someone else's happiness or um sometimes like if they live with you their living situation or their financial situation or whatever in a relationship like you are you can be responsible for them you know uh i get that i can totally understand that and like not but i just don't get how you're responsible for someone with a visa yeah that that like if someone if someone needs a visa call me right now i'll sponsor you i don't give a you're responsible for someone with a visa. Yeah, that... If someone needs a visa, call me right now. I'll sponsor you. I don't give a fuck. I do know. I think people do that as a

living almost. You can get money for that. I have some friends. Yeah, I think you're the one who told me that. Yeah, I got a couple friends. You should know then. You should know better than I do. They do not... They don't even live in the same state as their people. Yeah, right. It is not a responsible for me situation.

Right. By any stretch of the imagination. Right. It's like, here you go. I don't know if that's different in different countries. I don't quite know. All I know is if you get your girlfriend deported, it's over. Yeah.

That's it, bro. Bro, I mean, I think six years is enough to be like, okay, I'll sponsor your visa. Like, six years is a long, a lot of people are fucking married and have kids in six years of a relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is just, I fucking sign a paper and tell the government that you're with me? Maybe, I think this guy, like, made this up and then, like, just wanted to break up with her and was like, I'll just use this as a fucking thing.

Made what up? Like, oh, I, you know, it's more like she took a shit with the door open one day he saw it and can't unsee it needs to break up with her and is using this responsible thing as the breakup i yeah i mean like i don't know like it's just a vouch i'll vouch i don't think i think you are like on you know government documents i think it's fraud i think it's like committing like you know it's not fraud we're in a relationship i don't know what she's gonna do tomorrow but like right now i can tell for the last six years there's a good person right i give her a visa she's with me yeah i mean that is the case yeah you're you're in it you're the asshole yeah i

don't i don't know i don't know if it like locks you in so like i don't know but if it was some sort of scenario that was like as long as you're with this person married to them living with them whatever it is you can stay in this country but if they break up with you you're getting deported i'm not doing that because i'm like i if i want to break up with you i'm gonna now have the weight of i'm deporting you i don't even want to go down that road unless i i mean even if i was like head over heels i'd be like in five years if some shit goes down if i do but if you want to do someone at the bar you want to do with someone at that point i know i would do it the only reason i wouldn't do it is if I was like, oh, I was going to break up with you next week. Yeah, but I mean, sometimes you got to start thinking more long term, you know?

They're 27, dude. Yeah, they are young. Fuck them. Dude, don't just give her a visa. Get her pregnant, too. How about this one? Am I the asshole for dropping our dinner on the ground and walking out when my boyfriend asked me, what's for dinner, bitch? What's your first

initial? Yeah. I mean, no. You're not the asshole? No, your boyfriend is definitively the asshole when he says, what's for dinner, bitch? Well, let's see. I was over at my boyfriend's house, the apartment, the cooking, studying. You know when I see studying for exams, I'm like, I don't care anymore. You guys are fucking children.

I just don't care what this story is about. But anyway, I made pasta and a chunky sauce with some meatballs and veggies. I told him dinner was ready and he goes, what's for dinner tonight, bitch? With a lot of emphasis on the last word. I was fed up. I had a pretty rough day at work and I had some awfully bad associations with that word being used by other people in my life who were pretty abusive. Oh, boy, it's been dark. So I was so irritated that I dropped the pot of pasta sauce I'd been carrying right on the ground,

and I said, well, nothing's for dinner now, and I better not hear you using that word again. It's for the girls. He was freaking out about how the sauce landed on his rug, and he even said, you're seriously acting like a bitch right now. I don't know what else to call it. I just walked out and got takeout for myself, went to my friend's house. She thought it was funny, but my boyfriend was furious. He kept texting me and calling me, sending me voice memos,

trying to explain that what's for dinner tonight, bitch, is a trend on TikTok. And that he was just quoting someone as a joke to put on TikTok. I still think. I thought it was the shittiest excuse ever. It doesn't matter if he saw the joke or stole the joke. It was just disrespectful. He goes on to say it didn't change the fact that he thought it was funny. I'm

cooking dinner. You think it's time for jokes. I put my phone on do not disturb. The next morning he was sending me angry texts saying that I need to clean the rug. I said I was too busy with exams. He said I said to him yeah that's the bitch tax honey

leave me alone so you're ready to handle your own cooking and cleaning because this bitch isn't anymore I don't know bro it's a TikTok trend bro people do that shit people do these things where you make it sound like a girl's facetiming you or whatever you know what i'm talking about oh yeah like you have like

a voice memo that says like oh so he's recording himself you send like a text message that says it's like film your girlfriend and send this text message and it says like my girlfriend is leaving in 10 minutes you're you can come over yeah you film the reaction now you have to be prepared for her to fucking throw a pot of spaghetti on the ground i guess but yeah if you're like i was i'm an asshole i was doing like a dumb internet prank but like that's very different than i just said to you what's for dinner bitch it it is now also by the way if she has like some sort of abusive past i'm like you probably shouldn't joke with this chick yeah but i do think if you're like i think if you say what was a fucking look i'm like, you probably shouldn't joke with this chick. Yeah. But I do think if you're like, whoa, it was a fucking – look, I'm like filming you.

You're still the asshole, but it's like I'm not like treating you like a fucking piece of property anymore. Like I'm just doing a TikTok trend. I think combined with the dinner, I think you're the asshole. Even if it's a TikTok trend. But that's the trend is the dinner. That's fine. You were an asshole. And guess what?

Someone reacted as if you were being an asshole. So you draw the line at the TikTok trend being trend being about the dinner no i just think that like if i think if you go like what's for dinner bitch like you're gonna get a bad reaction so yeah you pretend to be an asshole right someone didn't know you're pretending you're an asshole right that's why i pranks it's a pretty simple thing i'm totally out on all pranks because like this is now kind of an unmoved passable fight you know like I don't like being like pranks like I remember when I pranked Pavs I was like we gotta pull the plug on this cause I didn't want him being like

alright I quit cause you're a fucking asshole and like I never liked you in the first place I'm like well now I need a new producer you know so if you play the prank game you you know you get the prank fucking reaction that's what makes like the trend you know funny

or interesting or whatever um but but if she was like you're treating me like you know badly or you know whatever i think the fight was about like you're disrespecting me blah blah it's like no i'm just an asshole because i did a prank yeah those are two i think i think bitch like i get a relationship i think bitch is pretty harsh i think yeah i think i think i think bitch has gotten to be like the c i don't think i've called a girl a bitch i'm a i'm a guy i call i'll call a guy a bitch but it's like a little bitch yeah yeah uh but like when she says it's for the girls it really is like yeah girls would be like you're a dumb bitch like you're being a dumb bitch right now you're suffering from dumb bitch itis like it's for when your girl is like doing something you know stupid with a guy or whatever like you're a dumb bitch i think when a guy says

it it's it's like calling them crazy it's like one of those triggers that's like you better fucking duck yeah i'll like i'll say to a guy like yeah what's up what's up bitch but like you think that bitch or cunt is worse i think uh i don't call girls either of them but i think that i still think the c word is champ i have a friend i have a friend who we we jokingly call cunt but it is some joke yeah kind of the same deal in fact i i do that quite rarely now but it was like a thing for like all through like like high school college 20s like it was like, oh, what's up, cunt? I don't know. I always put a little fucking voice on it.

What's up, cunt? Whenever I call someone a bitch or a cunt, I just make my voice feminine. Cunt. It's happy little bitch. That's funny. But if someone got mad at you for that, you'd be like, I put the voice on.

I did the voice. But you have to be prepared i put the voice on yeah i did the voice but you have to be prepared for the consequences yeah it is it is a would you agree with that what if what if you were what if you said what's for dinner bitch and she threw the fucking thing all over would you be like i put the like who's the asshole i put the voice on i i have people who i've grandfathered in to fuck around with bitch and cunt but but I don't. New people, you don't introduce. That's a good rule. It's people like I've done it before. Lifelong type people.

Yeah. New people don't get that. That's smart. Like it's the only people you've been around for like decades that you can say it to. Same thing with the N-word. All right. Let's get into voicemails today. Voicemails are brought to you by Ridge Wallet.

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Plus, you're entered in a raffleaffle to win 75k or for bronco this video is for whoever keeps spending and showing my tiktoks to my ex send him this one send him this one curtis ain't you 22 living with your 16 year old baby mama in her grandma house whoa uh stealing your mama food stamp card No car No apartment No nothing You don't got shit But let's not talk about that Let's talk about how you got her pregnant

When she was 13 years old But before that You got your sister pregnant when she was 12 But you're not gonna talk about that Huh But I'm gonna talk about it. Yo. Yo.

Wait, play the very beginning. What was the... Okay. Okay, you know what? You know what? You know what? There's certain levels of nuclear that you really just shouldn't do

and go to that level on like the internet and out people but there's a special place in hell for people who send internet content to people's exes yeah oh again it's all hypothetical but like people who fucked yeah yeah it is neck and neck there there is i i i have dealt with that with current in it like while in a relationship out of a relationship with hookups with all that like did you see this tweet did you see this podcast did you hear this video it's like stop it's also like they're actively choosing not to watch right right like it's not some tiny little thing and also they all they have they've unfollowed me. They've blocked me.

They don't show me stuff. And what I'm – it's also never like a piece of content where I'm just like, you know, fuck my ex. She got pregnant by her brother. It's like something that I'm doing in jest or whatever. But now by you sending it – because here's the thing with chicks and a lot of people, but it's very often with girls. They don't want to be embarrassed and it's like now you sent that to me and I have to react

in a certain way to be like I stood up for myself you know what I mean because otherwise I'm being a dumb bitch everyone fucking I hate that

relax with that it's like who cares if your friend thinks something about your relationship no no no everyone just relax with the need to stand up for yourself

yeah yeah yeah yeah you don't fucking need to stand up for yourself when they're like just don't ever embarrass me I'm like what do you fucking care if you have the need to stand up for yourself you're taking life too seriously for real it is it's how narcissistic is that to be like my standing with all these other fucking random people is what matters the most like don't do that you know it is i i've

never once stood for myself and i've never once regretted not standing up for myself. I've never been like, oh, man, if I fucking told that guy a piece of my mind, if I fucking hit him, I'm like, nope. It's much better to live that way. It's very easy to not stand up for yourself, and I can't recommend it highly enough. But this, though, there are certain things, man. Also, though, isn't it't it like yo you dated that guy yeah you dated a guy who fucked his sister and got her pregnant when did you so he's 22 yeah sister pregnant when she was 12 i don't know how old that like i don't know how old wait there's an update he was when she was 12 oh that's two minutes. That's long. But we'll... I just honestly didn't know.

I ended up breaking up with him because he's a domestic abuser. He almost killed me twice. Jesus Christ. After I broke up with him, I ended up finding all of this out. Yeah, I ended up going to

a little girl's house. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah. I didn't see the update. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That, that, that, um... I mean, this guy's, you know, an absolute bag of shit. He has deep, deep rooted issues and needs to be, like, wiped off the face of the earth.

So, obviously, he's the asshole, but... You know. God, the internet is just... it is a weapon of mass destruction. Yeah. It really is. It's the great equalizer. It's like, it used to be, you know, guys are stronger than girls, so, like, girls would be quiet, you know? And now it's like, well, I'm just going to ruin your life, and then what?

You know, you can beat me up, but your life is ruined. It is, you know, you, it's fair, though. Like, it's, though. Like it's, even the playing field. It's like we used to have all the power and now it's like you better not fuck up.

Can't fuck our sisters anymore in quiet. Can't even get your sister knocked up with your ex-girlfriend not airing you out on TikTok. But man, you just got to have a real,

I mean, at least, you know, she's keeping it anonymous, but you got to just have a real, like, I just want to watch the world burn to be like, what are you do on tiktok today i'm gonna like do a dance and i'm gonna do that thing like that little filter i am gonna like out my fucking bed and just out my husband for my ex for being a uh incestual raper jesus christ doesn't get much worse than that what's up up, KFC gang? For me and Lila.

I want to say hi to everybody because Kevin said not to. A few episodes ago, Fights had said, hey, there's only like really five foods in the whole world. It got me thinking about an argument my friend used to have in college. There's only three foods, soup, salad, or sandwich. Everything could be boiled down to that type of food. I thought it was a dumb argument, especially because I thought he was kind of right. If you consider a salad just a bunch of things jumbled together, then really anything's a salad.

That's stupid. If you guys are the experts, I want to know what your thoughts on that argument were. I'm going to love this debate. Appreciate you guys. I think food is more like it's meat, cheese. And a carb. Yeah. And I think tomatoes and onions are in everything in some way.

So it's like meat, cheese, tomato, onions, and a carb. Yeah. And that's it. That's what it is. That's what it is. It's every chicken, cheese, tomato, onions, and a carb. Yeah. And that's it. It is. That's what – It's every chicken dish. It's every – Just spices are different. Yeah.

That's it. It's all the same fucking food. But even within that, like I do think – maybe it's not tomatoes and onions. There's a couple things that I think are just like maybe garlic and onions or whatever. And then the spices do change, but there's a couple that are just like always in everything. So even that is like just a staple so it's your protein your carb and a couple spices and a lot of them stay the same especially within you know like within italian food everything's the same rigatoni there's totalini riga this total that you know it's like this is all just different shapes of

the pasta and the mexican food it's like the chimichanga versus the burrito versus the enchilada it's like is the cheese on the outside or the inside is it wrapped this way or that way is it small is it big it's all the same shit just repackaged 100 so but i don't but but soup salad no like no sandwich like what about just like an entree you're gonna call it a salad no like a steak is an entree as a salad no no i know you can have a steak salad but if you just have a hunk of meat like because you're cutting it up and you put it with a potato kind of deal? No, that's not a salad. That's crazy. A salad is a

leaf-based meal. Yes. But you could also give grain bowls. I'll throw a grain bowl as a salad. I'll let you have that. But if it's coming on a plate, salad's coming in bowls. Not a plate, not a salad.

Right. To me, all food is either a handable, like a finger food, a plate, or like a drinkable, like a liquid. If you want to break it down like what it physically is, like I think what we were talking about is like the ingredients of the food. To me, it's like you either eat it with your hands, you eat it on a plate, or you can like just like drink it all. Or a plate bowl.

Yeah, like a bowl or like a... Salads in the bowl too. Although I guess salads and bowls aren't really a thing except for lunch. Dinner salads come on plates. Yeah, you put it just like on the side of your dish. Yeah.

So I think it's like you either eat utensils or eat it with your hands or – I think this is a little harder than we thought it was going to be. Yeah. I guess you can't boil it all down. No. But that might be it. But I'm still right. There are – all the food is the same. I guess you can't boil it all down. But that might be it. But I'm still right. There are,

it's all the food is the same. I'm right. This high school, this college debate might be a little more difficult to boil down.

Yeah. But all food is just fucking food. You are so dumb. Dude, I know. All food is just food. It's basically just fucking rice. It's mostly just rice and chicken. It's like what most food is. Dude, I know. All food is just food. It's basically just fucking rice.

It's mostly just rice and chicken. It's like what most food is. Yeah, but it's funny because if you compare English food to Italian food, it's like these are worlds apart. They're really not. They're really not that different. It's just cooked by people who know what they're doing. You know?

English food is so bad. English food is great. English food is Irish food. It's like disgusting. I've heard the Irish cuisine has made quite a turnaround. By trying to be more Italian probably. I think it's trying to be more Pakistani.

I think in the United Kingdom there are quite a bit of Pakistanis. I think that's begun to influence the cuisine. A lot of Irish places I go now all have curry on the menu. Interesting. I mean the shepherd's pie is cuisine. A lot of Irish places I go now all have curry on the menu. Interesting. I mean, the shepherd's pie is kind of a good

example of how everything's just like everything. Let me just mash it all up and put it in a thing. Now it's shepherd's pie, whatever. That might not be as recent. I've started to take note of it recently. This has curry and this has curry. Well, you know, we're very accepting people. Makes perfect sense.

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Mike here from St. Louis. So I'm sitting at our neighborhood pool, which is technically closed after Labor Day, but I'm here anyway because I'm having beers because I live life on the fucking edge anyway so i've noticed over the last few years my girlfriend and other people have noticed that there are certain things that i just flat out will not do anymore without drinking that a lot of other people have no problem doing without drinking um coming to the

pool for one. No way I'm sitting out here and not having a couple cocktails at least. Softball, no way. Men's league hockey, not a chance. Going to the fucking farmer's market, yeah, getting a cocktail there. The list goes on. So I guess what I'm asking you guys, A, that doesn't make me a fucking booze brain, does it? And B, what are some things that you guys, there's no chance you're doing without drinking, but plenty of other people do sober. Like not taking me to a football game, fucking hockey game, nothing.

Not doing any of that shit without having cocktails. I mean, definitively, if you can't do regular things in life without drinking, it makes you. Yeah, yeah. That's like the hallmark of an alcoholic. And don't worry bro you're fine we're in this together but let's be real i also think like if you have if you wake up or everywhere you go you have like one cocktail i actually don't think you're an alcoholic i think you have to be like shit-faced and causing a problem to be an alcoholic uh i think everyone has a different definition of that i would i would agree with that one.

If you had one glass of wine everywhere you went, it's like... Yeah, I'd sweat it off walking to the new location. But it also... This is also just called getting old, where it's just like, I used to derive pleasure out of other things, and now I don't. Now everything's a chore or whatever, and I got to get something else out of it. I blame it on the city because we don't hang out. Although, if I went to a friend's house, the first question they asked is, like, you want a beer?

Yeah. So we don't really hang out in each other's apartments or places. The city is drinking culture, for sure. When you're in the suburbs, it's just not as much. Yeah. There's not bars right there, restaurants right there. It's every single day. Yeah.

It's every day, bro. It won't even be like, do you want to go to the bars right there, restaurants right there. It's every single day. Yeah. And it won't even- It's every day, bro. It won't even be like, do you want to go to the bar? No, it's assumed. It's like, it'll be like, you want to go to the movie?

Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's grab a drink first. Go to the bar first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, everything is like, yeah, you want to do this? It'll be fun.

We'll grab a drink first. Like, everything. And I'm sure that's, it's A, the city. It's B, my friend group. It's C, who i choose to surround myself with like it is your addiction like your alcohol yeah all those things are because of d right right right people who like don't drink no i i i think when you uh and then i think you go to

the suburbs and that calms down for a little bit and then i think you get like miserable and bored about life in the suburbs and you reintroduce it to all those things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, you want to go to the bar, man? I can't. I got to go to the fucking farmer's market on Sundays. But that's also – And then you're like, wait a minute. I'm just going to bring the bar to the farmer's market.

That's also the way society has worked now is that – They introduce alcohol to everything. Alcohol's everywhere. You used to be able to go to the movies and you get soda and a popcorn. Now you get fucking like a steak steak and a bottle of wine. Alcohol infused everything. There's no need for flasks anymore. Flasks you can openly

sneak in. There's booze everywhere. There's booze at farmer's markets. I didn't know that. That's crazy. Even more than drinking though I think is the Delta 9 and stuff where it's just like everyone's microdosing. Everyone's on something. It's all medicinal or scientific but everyone's on something yeah people are like you can't just have your brain be like your brain you gotta you gotta alter this

you just live life you gotta alter it somehow it is it is definitely that's a bit of aging there we're like oh yeah oh yeah yeah i made it this far in life i I've served my time. Right, right. I deserve this. I did like 20 years where I was almost sober everywhere. Or you got to do something like, you know, if I lived on like the all Mafi Coasts and I was eating like five-star Italian cuisine every day and, you know, if everything in your life is awesome, then maybe not.

But if you're doing like the regular stuff. I'll tell you what, if you live on the Mafi Coasts, you're having five-star every day, you everything in your life is awesome, then maybe not. But if you're doing the regular stuff. Tell you what, if you live on the Amalfi Coast, you're having five-star every day, you're having wine with it. You're just fucking doing it every day. But I'm just saying, if I was eating Omaha steaks every day, that would be my... This is my reward. I'm having

a filet mignon burger tonight. I'm having some pork chops. I'm having some chicken cutlets or a fine cut filet mignon. And I I'm having some pork chops. I'm having some chicken cutlets or a fine cut filet mignon. And I'm going to have some caramel apple tartlets afterwards for my dessert. I don't even know

if I would need to drink because I would derive so much pleasure out of the Omaha Steaks. When that shows up right on my door, I see that cooler and I know everything's

right in there and I'm eating good for the next several weeks, for the next month. I don't even know if I need eating good for the next, you know, several weeks for the next month. Uh, I don't even know if I need anything else in my life right now. You can go to Omaha steaks.com. You don't need a keyword or URL.

You just go to the search bar, type in KFC and you get the all American assortment, which means butcher cut filet mignons, pork chops, boneless chicken breasts, and way more. Plus you get 12 Omaha steak burgers. They're ultra juicy and they're free with your order.

If you don't like the all American assortment, you can go to the build your own perfect menu that come, you pick a la carte, which cuts you want, which meats you want. That still gets you the 12 Omaha steak burgers for free. Go to Omaha steaks.com and type KFC into the keyword search bar and fill your freezer with enough gourmet food

to keep your cookouts going strong through the fall. And yeah, have a couple cocktails with it. That's omahasteaks.com, keyword KFC. Let's now get into our interview with Kevin Smith, who's an awesome dude. Wait, real quick, before we get into the interview with Kevin Smith, we got to give a quick shout-out to, was it Mark-Luke Goddard? Goddard?

The French director? Jean-uke Goddard? Goddard? The French director? Jean-Luc Goddard. Who's this? He's 91 years old. I've never seen any of his movies. I think he's credited with bringing cinema into a modern era of sorts. 91 years old, died by assisted suicide. My man. 91 years old died by assisted suicide my man relatives

a relative of the family tells this news reporter he was not sick he was simply exhausted and brother a tip of the cap to Mark Luke Goddard

at 91 dude like I'm feeling that at 37 he made it like 60 more years you're goddamn right he's exhausted what a fucking quote I was going to say. To Mark Luke Goddard. At 91. Dude. Like, I'm feeling that at 37. He made it like 60 more years. You're goddamn right he's exhausted. What a fucking quote for your fucking tombstone. He was not sick.

Just exhausted. Simply exhausted. It's like, daddy needs a break. Yeah. A permanent one. Good for him, man. Good for him, indeed. I don't want to, you know, I don't want to beat the drum for assisted suicide too much, but 90 plus?

Oh, dude. Yeah. There is. Yeah. I think it's a bit dark. You can't be telling your six-year-old kids, I'm exhausted, and checking out at 45. You got to be. 91.

91, you've done your time. Bro, 91, you can pull your own plug whenever. See you later. All right. Kevin Smith's on the show. Awesome interview. Did not realize, he was very humble about it he like invented podcasting yeah yeah he is the modern godfather of podcasting as a business as we know it there was plenty of people from radio

all the way through the digital age who has recorded their voice and and performed in entertainment that way but as far as sponsoring audio products in the way we do it like he did it first yeah joe rogan he tells the story got it from him so shout out to kevin smith for not only making awesome movies and being like incredible in like the uh nerd culture world but also for inventing podcasting and at the very end he uh he tells a story has a revelation that is near and dear to our hearts if you're a kfc if you're a chicken head you've been hearing us talk about this topic on and off for the entire time we've done this podcast and he has seen it himself he has stared

down the barrel of it he's done it and uh it's an incredible uh confession i guess it's not even it's not even like a it's not even something that it's a confession for him he's just like it's an incredible confession, I guess. It's not even something that it's a confession for him. He's just like, it's something I've done. For us, it's like a holy shit. For him, he's like, yeah, yeah, I did it. So listen to the whole thing, but the end, oh, my God, incredible. Is that your wallet, your phone? Yeah, it looks like a Bible.

It does look like a Bible. Can I just get the weight of that? Holy, you carry this around in your jacket pocket or your pants pocket? Feel this thing. That's a workout. That's a nice wallet, yeah. Does it just fill the cash? That's the wallet of a man with money.

Is this the caliber of conversation we're going to have on the show? Have your wallet, bro. Honestly, it might be. It honestly might be you came here for that i've never seen a wild that happened i had 10 more minutes i was gonna say i was gonna do 10 on that but i guess i guess we'll move on uh so you gotta move you out you want to talk about that i guess totally what makes you do uh something like you know what is it 20 whatever years after the fact? I mean, I know there's Clerks 2, but then-

A sequel? Yeah. Mortgage? Yeah. You can't get rich making a fucking Clerks movie, I assure you. I've tried for many years. The return on investment's pretty good, right? The return on investment, let's see at least career wise is fucking phenomenal yeah

money wise like we made that movie for 27 grand 27 575 and it was bought for 227 000 and made 4 million but that's not you you don't get any of that fucking money any money i'm out of clerks i spent a long time ago because it was like 227 that's the movie studio pay the movie back the but you know the movie was put on credit card so you pay that back then you pay some people who are in the cast because we never did they just did it for free wow um then i then i bought a dodge neon nice hell yeah you're getting the bitches man pussy car right there holy shit um it's 13 grand and then i was left with i think it was 21 grand at the end of

the day uh for the flick and that went you know within a year or something like that so a lot of people like oh my god you must have that clerk's money yeah no no no bro yeah yeah jeff anderson said the best when we were trying to put the movie together 10 years ago he didn't want to do it because he was just like we're not getting paid and i'm like well i mean we're doing it for the love he's like how come we got to do it for the love and everybody else fucking makes money off this clerk shit? He was right. Amen, brother.

He's absolutely right. I can relate on that one. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I feel that. But I'm still the same where I'll still do it. I'll reluctantly. I'm not even doing it for love anymore. I'm doing it to avoid the shame.

Exactly. I'm doing it so someone else doesn't yell at me. Like, all right, I'll do it for free. free yeah and then you just do it because you want it like at the end of the day these are my characters and and they gave me everything like dante and randall on their backs which sounds way dirtier than i meant it um i built my entire fucking career and so they're they mean something to me and every time i kind of play with those toys I tend to do a better version of whatever it is that I do. Really? Those kind of guys, like, take you to another level?

I guess. I mean, I would like to think I put my all into everything, but for whatever reason, because it's them and because they're so legacy, and they've been around for 30 years, Clerks is on the Library of Congress's national film fucking registry. So there's some weight to it. So when you play with those toys,

I tend to put a little bit more into it i guess i was thinking about that the other day just randomly about music tv whatever that like sometimes you put out a fucking hit uh you know number one song you know of all time i don't i don't know anything about that whatever and then you know the next album has like oh those were good songs but it's like how come you can't replicate that? Sometimes is it luck? Is it the people around you? Like what?

I think when you're new, it's very easy to like something that's new and fresh. And that in our culture now more than even when I was a kid, the fucking new is cultish. It's just like something happens. Everyone has it experientially because we all live online now yeah and then everyone wants something else yeah um so i feel like it moves fast it moves very fast back in the day a career like mine had time to like take root grow and nurture i feel bad for anybody trying to start now and do something right away like blockbuster or money and also it probably helps

to be picked up by netflix or something for exposure but it very few people there's a kid who does the the horror movies ty west he's got his own thing going on that whenever i look at his flicks i'm like oh he's he's doing to me like here's everybody doing their thing and then we just kind of do our thing over here and figure out how to exist in a business that doesn't really give a fuck about us right for example we've been trying to make mall rats 2 it's called twilight of the mall rats for the better part of five years now that was supposed to happen before clerks 3 yeah it was written clerks 3 wasn't even written and liz destro who's one of our producers like kevin i bet you've been talking about doing clerks 3 i said yeah she goes if you fucking write that, I can get that movie made before we get Mallrats made.

I was like, why? She's like, because she gave the script to Universal. Number one, they were like, we own Mallrats? And she was like, yeah, we can't go anywhere without you guys. And so they read the script, and they were like, it's Universal. So they were like, this is neither Fast nor Furious. Why the hell do we make this?

Hang on, hang on a second. I'm standing with you in the wrong guy. You're going to start trashing that. No, I'm not trashing it. We'll go back to the wallet. Oh on, hang on a second. I'm definitely the wrong guy. You're going to start trashing that. We'll go back to the wallet. Oh, shit. Here we go. Two hours on the way. No, I'm not trashing the Fast Nor Furious.

It's just that's what they make. They don't make fucking clerks. They're not like, let's make a sequel to a 25, 27-year-old fucking movie and see where everyone is and how old they look. That's not the business universe. That's not how they sell products. I'll tell you what, with the Fast and Fur old they look. That's not the business universe that's in. With the Fax and Furious stuff. Old Vin's getting up there.

It's true. Where they kind of smooth them out and whatnot. They'll never do that for Mallrats. Poor Jason Lee's going to have to look his age to ever make it. Dude, that's got to get made. Hopefully, but honestly, think about it. It doesn't. There's so much shit that gets made. I want it to get made and that's got to get made. Hopefully. But honestly, think about it. It doesn't. No, you're right.

There's so much shit that gets made. I want it to get made. And that's the difference between the stuff I do and the stuff that most of the studios do. They do it because it's got to get made because they're like, oh, this will make money. I do it because I'm like, I just want to see it. There will be dozens of us angry if that does not get made. That's true. Twelve people will be so fucking pissed if it don't happen.

But we'll see if it does. Stranger things have happened. The fact that reboot, Jane's telling about reboot happened three years ago. Clerks 3 happened just this year. I'm on a roll. It could happen. It could happen. Now, a lot of people are like, why the fuck do you want that to happen?

Why don't you make original shit? And I'm like, well, I did make original shit. I made Tusk, and everyone was's like go back to your old shit also when it's like your it's not first of all it's not like mallrats 10 right it's like that was my although fuck if i could get there let's go oh shit bro i mean those are still your sports presents mallrats 10 listen if i get some money how much does it cost to make mallrats 2 i mean honestly we made cler made Clerks 3 for what? Seven million? I think we're looking at Mallrats for six.

You guys can pull that. I walked in this building. I remember when you guys started and I walked in now, man. You guys are fucking rich. No more playing it like we're the guys next door. Fucking magnates here. All of them, even the people at the office desk, counting money.

Look, that's an incredible industry. As you were talking about kind of trying to get movies made, it reminded me, I think it was Melissa McCarthy was recently on a Hollywood Reporter roundtable or something like that, and she was talking about how she loved the Hollywood of old because at least you had suits who would take a chance on you. Now it's all like you don't even have a suit you can argue with anymore and be like kind of

make them see your vision. With all due respect to Melissa McCarthy, doesn't she have a fucking output deal at Netflix where she gets to make like literally any movie she wants with her husband? What is she complaining about? Why is the old way better than the new way for her? Whatever the Melissa McCarthy way is. I want that. I want those first world problems

where she's like, oh, the old way was they used to make movies. Now I just make fucking 10 movies a year. I consider her fucking blessed. The old way and the new way, honestly, I disagree. Back in the day, I've been doing this nearly 30 years. All the studio execs I dealt with back in the day, early in my career, not creative people at all. Kind of pencil pushers, money people. And they couldn't give you a creative note to money people and not they couldn't give you a

creative note to save your life they couldn't give you a note that would actually improve they would just give you a note that was very generic and kind of like well that just makes it like every other movie the staff now like i work with the folks at netflix e1 uh and i worked at disney at one point the creative execs they bring in are former writers um or writers themselves so you're dealing with fellow creatives so it's not somebody going like well just make it like it's got too many notes you got somebody who's like you know it'd be cool you know this thing you do here what if you added this that's good you like that fucking phenomenal that's the quickest point because quickest distance

between two points okay in order to satisfy a studio if you're doing a job for studio you you know it's all about somebody finally saying yes and making it so it's like if your exec is going oh my god do this you do this and like oh my god that's perfect and you're one step closer to the fucking green light that's fantastic in my own work i'll take notes right i would say that would i mean we the work that we've done here is just blogging and podcasting. It's all off the cuff. It's not like a creation. It is. I mean, it is, but there's no notes process.

And I think if, and I've done it for too long that way, that if someone gave me notes, I would be like, fuck you, dude. Absolutely, absolutely. The simplest thing. I think you should change like that. No, I shouldn't. Fuck you. The podcast generation, which I'm happily a part of, I first started doing spodcasts in 2007.

So in the beginning when it was like Leo Laporte doing This Week in Tech, Adam Curry with the very first podcast. And me. You were OG, man. We were so fucking old. And I jumped into it for the exact reason that you're talking about. No notes. Yeah. There was nobody who was going to be like, well, you can't.

Right. It was the sky was the fucking limit. Now there's some rules, but, you know. Well, I mean, I guess there's rules if you got, like, advertising and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But back then, I mean, I ain't taking credit for it, but, like, I was early in the advertising game. You couldn't take credit for it. 07 is.

I remember, like, we did Smodcast for about a year, me and Scott Mosier, and put it up and people download and shit. And I was like, it's free, man. I love this podcast. It's free. And then one day my accountant was like, we have a server bill and it's very high and it keeps going up every month. What is this?

And then I learned the more people download it, it's free for everyone else except the guy fucking hosting the podcast. Ain't that a bitch. What was the server bill like? $25.75. Took all my clerk's money. It was high enough for my accountant to be like, what is this fucking charge? And it was a charge she'd never

seen before. Server, what is this? Do you remember who you were working with at that point? Christ, I have no idea. And it was so, so fucking early. They probably don't even exist anymore at this point. So, I had to figure out how do we do this and not have to pay for it out of pocket and it was so fucking primitive because like me and scott mosher were going like well remember that movie uh quiz show like where they

had the game show 21 21 was sponsored by geritol like what if we could get one sponsor to sponsor the show and so i'd had a letter that this company had sent to me after zach and mary make a point like you mentioned our product in the movie we were so fucking flattered if you ever want to make something with us let us know love fleshlight and so you know i was like the male masturbatory device they could be our geritol so we reached out to him like do you guys want to pay for our server costs and pay for us to make some cartoons and shit and we will brand our show as sponsored by fleshlight we're on tour so we'll give out everybody wins everybody fucking wins so they were like absolutely so they became our sponsor and this

was at a time when like sponsorship it's not a thing with podcasts right and this again i'm bragging and shit but dropping names but joe rogan called me up after six months going like what's the game with Fleshlight wow he was like cause I got a podcast and fucking like

the bills and I was like well Fleshlight you know I do ads for them and they fucking pay for all my server costs and then he got tight with the Fleshlight

100 million dollars later holy shit but for a while until Joe we sold so many fucking male masturbatory devices you know

everyone who listened to our show was kind of like the constituency was male and so it was like finally fucking women have had

vibrators forever now we have a fucking toy you were early to that too 07 podcasting and 07 fleshlight pretty early nowadays guys can stick their dicks

in things in 07 you were a pervert it was a brand new thing where you were like what we have a thing and shit and we spread the word. And so we learned how to do advertising and shit.

A little bit. I feel like... I think Bert was saying that he goes on Rogan now, and Rogan just has like... You know when he went to the gym in middle school? When he went to the courts and there's this cage full of random balls? I think Rogan just has that full of flashlights now. It's just like... Grab of ball random balls i think i think rogan just has

that full of flashlights now it's just like a little grabber it's like every time i go in i just take a new one home one fucking pump per throws the rest out and throws it away it's like we can hear mariah carey never wears the same shirt twice we we had a had a sponsor. We started this. Barstool was growing, but then we started the podcast within it. And we were- What is the order? So what started first?

Barstool Sports started as a free handout at the Boston subway. Right. And then it became a blog. And then it became big in boston and then he wanted to expand into other cities so we kind of had like a satellite model so there was barstool boston that wrote about all the boston teams and boston happenings and then we went to new york and then we went to philly and then we had a college one and a maryland one and a chicago one and then when we got big enough we brought it all under this roof so i started was the sports

was the anchor very loosely it's it's more the generic idea was when you're sitting on a bar stool next to your buddy at the bar right watching the game it's all the stuff you talk about so it's chicks and viral videos and what's going on at work and all that shit and then we have gone more comedy routes some guys have gone more sports route it's just when did you guys start that Lifestyle. It's true. It's very true. Yeah. I started in 09. With the podcast? With the blog.

Right. And then 12, 2012 was the podcast. So you guys are doing this podcast since 2012? Yes. 10 years. Yeah. Did you do like

your 10 year anniversary show and all that shit? And you do the live aspect as well back, I mean during pandemic obviously not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it like,

so you guys started in a room by yourselves? No, because we started, we did Skype and then Google Hangouts. So we were doing the Zoom thing before that because he was in Boston. I was in New York. Is that right? So even before pandemic, in order to make it work. So the original thing was like three, four boxes remote.

And then we just put that on YouTube. And then we all moved to New York and we got in the room for the first time and started doing it that way. Now, how long have you been doing that? It's six years. I would say six or seven. When was the first time you put it up on its feet on stage in front of a live audience? 17. How thrilling was it?

Not at all. It was nerve-wracking. It was nerve-wracking. I was nervous. I guess thrilling counts. I'm still, to this day, when we do live shows, I get very nervous. I sweat a lot. And it's fine every time, and people love it, and I just can't.

Between this room and that room, you prefer this room. You could tell me there's a billion people on the other side of this mic. You don't give a fuck. Don't care. What do you think it is? What do you think it is? Because of the live reaction? Yes.

I always say that. Because then you have to change the game. You want to talk about no notes. When you did a home show, consider this the home show. When you did a home show, like, consider this the home show. When you did a home show, no notes whatsoever. Right. When you did a live show. You get feedback, brother.

Instant notes. And you're like, we've got to change direction. We've got to do this. You're constantly moving. Our fans have told us before, we want to just see this show live. Right. And so we try to do that. But there are times where I like to think we're always entertaining, but we're not laugh out loud funny every 20 seconds.

And it makes you nervous in a live room. And when someone pays money and they go to a club and it's their night, they get a babysitter, they do whatever, and then me and John talk about the wallet for 10 minutes. It's like, uh, bro. That saved you from yourself. An old pro came in and was like, we're not doing wallet material. More young buck

I have notes but then we've tried to do I guess the thing is we've tried to do little gimmicks and shit that just weren't funny if they were funny

it would have been fine so you tried to add shit for the live show that had nothing to do with the regular show and people were like what are you doing yes we always

go to a bar afterwards and meet people and they're like it was cool but like you know that was a little weird like why don't you just do your show and it's like well because our show sometimes isn't but they don't you know it is a weird they'll live in the silence that's the thing that we need to understand as podcasters in a live format is like they're used

to moments where we're being interesting or perhaps witty but not funny right they don't fucking laugh out loud at everything that That is hard for me to... That's something the performer has to learn to be comfortable in because they are comfortable in it. The audience is sitting there being like, if I don't laugh every minute, fuck you, I want my money back. They want the show, and the show to them is sometimes I laugh and sometimes I'm just sitting there listening.

Or sometimes I'm like these idiots or whatever. And more importantly, they're literally getting to look at you. Oh, and I think they just like to meet us afterwards, to be honest. that's a big part. But when I see that we're on stage at the Wilbur and last week was fucking

Chris Rock, I'm like, why are we even here? I love it. I can't even believe, you know, like, it's like.

But that's gotta be, Wilbur's Boston. Yeah. So that's gotta be huge. And that, so, so, we did a couple shows

at Caroline's, 300 people, and that was good. But like, two or three shows into our career, we sold out the Wilbur. That's big. And I was like, I'm not prepared for this. That's minimum like 1,000. And that also to think about like comics and people who have been honing their craft for a decade who haven't done the Wilbur and these idiots.

So I have a lot of issues. I used to also have self-esteem issues about like do I deserve this? Am I a poser? What the fuck? And then somebody once said – because I used to lot of issues. I used to also have self-esteem issues about like, do I deserve this? Am I a poser? What the fuck? And then somebody once said, because I used to do theaters only, so like big theaters and shit, and I always wanted to do comedy clubs,

but I didn't want to go to comedy clubs because I respect comedy so much. I felt like, yes, I'd get up and I'd be funny, but I'm not strictly a comic. I didn't develop a strong five, a strong ten. I backdoored, by the way, the movies, which sounds sexier

than I meant it. But you make a movie, you get up and have to talk about it afterwards. I just tried to be funny at the same time. Wait, sorry, these are like,

you're talking to the audience about your film, like a Q&A? After film festivals, after the movie plays, they push the filmmaker out there and you stand there and act erudite about film.

And I never felt comfortable doing that. I'd made one movie. So instead, I was like, let me tell you how we got the cat to shit on cue. So that leads to more anecdotal storytelling and stuff like that. So I'm used to kind of being pushed out there and singing for my supper or speaking up for the movie. And over a course of doing that 10 years, that became my secondary job. I make movies more

more often than not i get i make more money talking about making movies than making movies and stuff so over the time of doing that you you know you start doing shows like i sold out carnegie hall and shit like i used to do theaters just in big cities but i never went near comedy clubs because i was like you realize that's backwards right very much Carnegie Hall was a drop I'll do Carnegie but I won't do Caroline I'll do the chuckle hut

for me I felt like that's where the real pros went and I felt like if I got up on one of those stages they would smell the inauthenticity but what i found out was in a coffee at which comic told me but he's like because i was like i don't belong up here i ain't a comic and he goes did you put all those asses in the seats is that your audience he goes it's just a room that's all it is you have to take off the thing of your head which is like

oh my god it's a room where legends play and it's like it's just a room exactly but i still i say that but i you know it's harder when you're harder to exactly but i still i say that but i you know it's harder when you're harder to actually do it i i have a a question that's gonna go a bit awry here uh you said how do you it's about the wallet no no it's different it's about the cat shitting on cue okay uh now it's actually not so much about the cat right i was watching a movie recently and they had a baby crying yeah how do they make the baby cry on cue? Oh, they smack it. If there's a baby crying on camera, like hearing it is an audio cue. Right, right, right. You just drop in.

But if you're seeing it. No, I was seeing it, and she was crying. You can't. You're not allowed to be like, or anything like that. You can't poke the baby. Poke the ear. But babies in that environment generally are upset because it's like lights, activity, noise, and you have that going on with a kid anyway. That's why they have twins all the time.

Yeah. Because one will be acting up and the other might be sleepier or less fussy or something. You've got to get two of them to torture. You need two to traumatize for the rest of their lives. In my experience, it's that. It's luck of the draw because nobody – must be a law but nobody wants to be like cry bitch quiet

quiet little bitch on the back of the arm exactly I mean this was like a toddler when I tell you this baby was crying this was a fit

and then some director was like do it again we made this movie Red State and there was this one moment where Dave Klein who's our DP

who now shoots like The Mandalorian and stuff Dave has a daughter named Ivy, and she's at this point maybe three or something. And so Red State is like a cult movie. It takes place in this cult congregation. And at one point, there's an intense scene

where one of the characters is just like, you know, the FBI is coming in, the feds, ATF's coming in, and she's like, you have to hide in the attic. You have to tell it in the attic. She's telling the other family members because they may kill us all. And the actress's intensity was, as she's doing the lines, was so like, Ivy didn't understand what was being said,

but how intense she was. And once she started talking, she's like, you need to get these babies upstairs in the attic. Ivy just started bawling. she's like you need to get these babies upstairs in the attic ivy just started she could feel it you know what the fuck was going on right it was magic man i was like keep rolling and that's just like there are parents who want their babies to get into the game and that instance it was the dp Oh, right, right. And her mom was also in the movie, and she was just off-camera as well. So Ivy was screaming and reaching for

her mom, and her mom's like, 30 more seconds! Just a little more pain. Wild, man. Wild. So wait, to go back to the podcast, you did the one sponsor and that was enough to like pay the bills that was for a long time I think

and then he didn't steal our sponsor but Joe came along we pretty much maxed out with you all of the flex all your buddies I always wanted that

we have guys who have been around for 10 years, and it's like, okay. I mean, we'll still talk about it. And what always kills me is when they show me the sponsors that we have, and I'm like, they're back? Yeah. Like, they're still? Yeah. Which indicates that people are still buying that particular product,

so much so that they're like, oh, we'll keep doing ads. Or some guy who works there likes your podcast and just want to keep spending could be and he's like look i got a budget just gotta go somewhere yeah i thought about that you just took the bloom off the road i was like it might must be special but he's like special to that guy and he's got a budget so whatever man that's true uh but then did it did it become like did you start to be like all right i see the matrix here and like i'm gonna get the sponsor and like is that i was never smart enough who's the guy behind all this the day portland yes i wasn't smart like dave where he's like oh i could do a satellite and a satellite and satellite for me the end game was uh live shows because i was like we'll give the fucking podcast away for

free because then when we show up they'll buy a ticket and i literally thought i was the smartest man in the world i was like oh my god i've cracked the code to that yeah it works i mean it totally fucking works works well for us but i never thought about well i think that's what every comic initially did and then you start to realize that it works backwards too yes people come to your show and they're like i want to listen to this guy every day yes and i think that actually becomes more valuable because you can play to 300 or you can play to 300,000. Agreed, agreed. So it's wild how much of a... The Rogan model, as we say. That has been wild, watching him enter the game,

ask for advice, podcast with him, and be like, let me give you some of my audience, Joe. Yeah. And now it's like, Joe, can I come on? Jenny Fleck to the altar and take a little bit of your audience with me. I think about Brian Redband a lot. And now it's like, Joe, can I come on? Jen, you've collected the altar. Take a little bit of your audience with me. I think about Brian Redband a lot.

I mean, he was like, you know, side by side. And not that he's doing it right, but he's not doing 100 million. So it's like, holy shit. What was the story there? I don't quite know. I don't know. I can't speak on it. But you'd have to imagine there was some level of like, I think it was like,

Red Band always did kind of the technical side of things. I don't know. But it would drive me fucking insane. I know that much. This is the hot goss section of the show.

Hot goss. So when you do Clerks 3, is it something like, you know, it's just second nature? You get the band back together and everybody, or is it like

rusty and you gotta no rusty at all so fucking lovely especially because like we started shooting on my 51st birthday and we got to shoot at quick stop like this is the first movie i made entirely in new jersey since the first movie so it was almost like going to clerk's fantasy camp um where me and the same people that i was working with 29 years fucking prior went to the same place stood in the same exact spot and in some cases said the exact same fucking thing so it was like this so meta vacation and like periodically throughout the shoot me brian jeff would look at each other and be like this is so fucked up and like i they it was fucked up for them because like in my head it was,

I'm a stoner. So I designed it that way. I was like, I want the shoot to be like what I feel like every day of my life for everyone else. So they're going to walk in and be like, this is fucked up. Like time has met itself. Yeah.

Welcome to my head. Exactly. So it was such a good fucking time, man. Um, and, and cathartic to say the least. And, and the, the only drawback was I realized, like, fuck,

I wish this was like Clerks 19. I wish I had just made more Clerks movies, because I knew this was going to be the last one. And I was like, I love these characters so much, but everything has its place and everything has its ending. Yeah. And it made me a little regretful that I didn't play with them. Didn't milk that son of a bitch for all it's worth.

Absolutely. It made me sad that I didn't play with them. To milk that son of a bitch for all it's worth. Absolutely. Blood from a stone. It made me sad that we didn't have a TV show. TV fucking people have it great because you get to tell that story over and over and over and over. Movie, you tell it once.

Right. And if you're lucky, there's a finality to this. There can't be any TV after this? I mean, look, as long as there's fucking breath in my lungs, there'll always be a clerk something. But at the end of this movie, there's a kind of sense of closure that.

Got it. I was joking about Clerks 4 and shit. A bunch of people have to. I'm on tour, right? The movie's playing everywhere this week on Fathom Events screens at a theater near you. Participating theaters do Fathom screenings once a night from now until Sunday. But I have been on tour with the movie. We took a this week and then i go back out on sunday uh with the convenience tour where i take the movie out like a fucking band and do it like every night in front

of a thousand fifteen hundred people and shit like that so afterwards you know some we do vip pictures people come back and shit five people the other night were like don't make clerks for wow this is it. This is perfect. Well, either that or they're like, stop it. Word in the notes. Come up with a new idea. But they were like, no.

No, I think that actually is like a. It was nice. It was a high compliment. Yeah, right, right, right. All right. I feel you. I feel you. Particularly when it comes from someone who would no doubt go to Clerks 10.

Yeah, absolutely. Bitterly and be like, I told them to stop at three, but here we are. We were just joking about in Clerks 1, like some of it is kind of dated in that sense. And we were thinking about the dude being upset

that his girlfriend had blown 36 guys. Which now would be nothing. He said that's freshman year nothing i remember writing that scene and how it how i came to the number was uh my my girlfriend from high school kim larkin who i dated for like 12 years off and on and stuff and and i still know and we she married i'm married but like to other people but we're very good friends yeah so i could tell the story because everyone's going like, did you just say her fucking name?

You're going to say how many blowjobs you get? She was the basis for the two female characters in Clerks. She's both Veronica and Caitlin as well. So Kim, when I wrote Clerks in 1992, Kim had been with three guys and given 10 blowjobs across her life. And that was very hard for me to deal with. That's about nine too many.

Isn't that so funny? It really is a thing that's just like, I don't think of myself as an insecure dude, but that bugs me, man. That fucking bugs me. That's what literally Chasing Amy is all about. It's like male sexual insecurity. She decides to suffer from it. After I made Chasing Amy,y not at all so when i had that number in my head i was

i was like all right that that she's she's normal right like i gotta yeah like even though she you know has an edge to her she's not the girl known for like just like oh she fucks everybody she's kind of virginal so i'm like well that number then must be scandalously low yeah so we have to make it scandalously high but fucking believable right but fucking believable fucking believable so i tripled it and then i just added on a little bit more and i was like my god and i imagine that and i remember what a whore throughout all the 90s people were like oh you've never met anybody who gets sucked 37 years and i was like of course not no it's a fiction and i remember like this is like game of thrones like dragons i remember like uh when they there was like a porno at one point like uh i think one of the first pornos where somebody

tried to have sex with as many people yeah they do that in a day but the first time but you got to remember i'm old enough that they i was there for that happened the first time right and it was like a huge number and i was like oh my god that's a clerksian number we've now entered the clerks but yes i would imagine that's a quaint number at this point yeah yeah that's like you know clerks was made at a time when, like, anal was like, oh, my God. Right. That only happens in space. You know, and now it seems to be, like, standard high school issue. According to the fucking internet. Jeez. Thank God I'm not in high school now, man.

Like, what a bar to live up to. How old are your kids now? She's 23. She's got her own house. She's got her own house. I like that as a standard. Yeah, she's out. She's fucking gone now. She's got her own house i like that as a standard yeah she's out she's fucking gone now i got like young kids and i think about that a lot what the fuck is it gonna be like

well he's at age nine he's like dad i had my first fucking threesome and he's like dad it's normal dad be cool man we all do it dad it was so hot i nutted three times. Dad, what's it like when you come? You're like, son, shut up. Son, tell me more. I got a podcast. I got to film.

I need content. Come to the live show. We were talking about that recently, though, that I think there is the theory that Gen Z is going the opposite way. Yeah, they're actually. Are they spinning the pendulum back into a more conservative? Because they're writing an article about it, so it's got to be true. Look, it's possible

because, think about it, I don't want to sound like an old man, but there ain't no thrill anymore. If you could fucking do everything, there's no fucking thrill whatsoever. So if you could dial it back a little bit... Not fucking. Exactly. Did you not fuck her, dude? I totally didn't fuck her. I edged.

That's what it's all about now. I'm a fucker's edge. A generation of edging. When we were kids, nobody wanted to edge. We wanted to come, but now they're like, that's the edge. The edge is the edge. I'm like, whatever, kids. Enjoy.

Keep your fluids in your body. I can see you being like, no, I don't fuck anymore. I just suck my own dick. That's the fucking move. You're going to see a nation of fucking kids dying, cracking their own necks, trying to suck their own dicks. Because, like, I'm self-celebrating. You want to know something insane? How about this?

He'll never break his neck sucking his own dick. Because you can do it. No, I think it's more reasonable to stand up and try to go down than to lay on my back. Throw back. We've had this debate like a million times. Have either of you ever achieved? No. Achieved?

I have. I did. You what? Years ago, absolutely. Of course. How much did you do? I've had a dick in my mouth, but it's my own. So how did I get there?

Especially as a heavy guy. Like a tip or like the whole, like. I got to about half shaft. No way. Yes. Yes. And you did it on your back. Yes.

All right. Well, I finally stand down. Standing would be impossible because i would have to circumvent the gut yeah yeah i had a bit of a gut so laying back throwing the legs uh over which is like oh my god i hope nobody ever comes in right imagine that there's the bit in clerks about the guy who broke his neck trying to suck yeah yes because many times when i did it i was like this would be a horrible for my mother to find me like, you're paralyzed. Come in my mouth

and she's like, it's like, it's just like a clue mystery. Like, who did it? And it's like, you know, he was shot with a nice bullet. He's actually the plot

of Knives Out 2. Oh, fucking Ryan Johnson stole my shit. Did you come? Yes. From the blowjob? Took it all the way that's how i'm a man yes i was in kevin smith is very adventurous that's how i got to clerks um that's how congratulations i told my brother my brother is a gay as a day as long as been married to my brother jerry for as long as as old as clerks is so almost 30 years now

and um i told my brother one day i was just like uh it was there's a scene in chasing amy where banky is like asking alissa all about like what about this what about this it was predicated or based on a scene where i confronted my brother not confronted like hey but my mother told me like uh one night she's like sit down i came home from quicksand i was like what's the matter and she was like your brother's gay and I was like what I said that makes perfect sense like for half a second I was like he and then I was like oh my god yes it all checks out so I was like but why didn't he tell me like we didn't have this word back then but I was like I was afraid he thought I was homophobic right how could he fucking not tell me I we fucking shared a bedroom for like years and years so he takes me to film

school because he's a traveler and shit we go to vancouver first we go to seattle where my uncle lives then we drive up to vancouver where the film school is vancouver film school my alma mater and the whole time i'm like this is the trip like he's gonna bring it up because we're alone and it never comes up talking about everything else under the sun except that and shit so we get across the border i see the vancouver skyline in the distance and finally i go for it i'm like so I understand you have an alternative lifestyle. And he was like, that's one way of putting it. I was like, why didn't you tell me, man? He's like, I just never had the moment, man.

I was like, did you think I couldn't handle it? Did you think I'd be mad or fucking upset? He's like, no, not at all. He's like, I know you. He's going, but just never had a moment. He's like, I'm not surprised fucking mom told you. And I was like, yeah, she did. She kind of told me about it.

I thought it made absolute sense. He's like, yeah. I was like, yeah, she did. She kind of told me about it. I thought it made absolute sense. He's like, yeah. I was like, I remember this one time I came over, me and Brian Johnson, to pick up something. And you and your buddy were watching a movie on the couch, and you were at opposite ends of the couch. And I was like, well, that's weird. It just seemed very specific and stuff.

He goes, yeah, I tried to keep it quiet. I was like, so what was it like? What's it like, man? Tell me. I was like, have you ever done this? Did you ever do a glory hole? He's like, fuck yeah. I was like, did you ever do a swing? He's like, fuck yeah. I was like so what was it like what's it like man tell me i was like have you ever done this have you ever do glory hole he's like fuck yeah i was like did you ever do swing he's like fuck yeah i was like oh my god and my brother i always thought of as kind of straight-laced conservative but it turns out he's the fucking like most adventurous one in the

fucking family so you know i was that night me asking him all those questions and shit that was where that scene from chasing amen came from from he goes what about you have you ever had any thoughts I said well I sucked my own dick once I said he goes once I said more than once he goes once you know you can do it you're like oh shit I don't need anybody else ever again I'm a self

sustaining entity but I said I did it and I came in my mouth I said I came and I right then and there I knew I could never be gay. And he goes, why? I was like, because I wouldn't know what to say to somebody afterwards. It was such a weird moment where I was like, oh, so you want to watch TV? Like, you know, I felt weird enough with myself.

Well, you checked out. You experienced it, and now you know. Yeah, I was like, I had a trial run, and I figured, like, I'm good. But yeah. Didn't care for the texture. Honestly, this is like a bucket list. Check it off. I almost didn't retire from podcasting.

We found one. How old are you? I'm 38. Almost 38. How old are you? I'm 34. I would say you got a few more years. Try it.

I'm going to take up yoga. That's what I'm saying. You get nice and limber and shit like that. I'm going to do the Marilyn Manson. Remove the two ribs. Maybe I can do it. Is that what he did? Well, that was the old urban legend when we were kids. I mean nice and limber and shit like that. I'm going to do the Marilyn Manson, remove the two ribs, and maybe I can do it. Is that what he did? Well, that was the old urban legend when we were kids.

I mean, it seems like a lot of work. I didn't remove two ribs. I just kept practicing. Just kept doing it. Motherfucker cheated. All right, brother. It's been an absolute pleasure. It's been an absolute pleasure.

It's been absolutely fun. I do a lot of podcasts, but they're mine. Yeah. And I never really go on other people's. It's fun to be a guest, right? Well, no. But this was fun to be a guest. It's not always fun to be a guest. This is absolutely enjoyable.

Everybody go watch Clerks 3 and keep doing it. And when you watch it and you see Silent Bob, just imagine that guy sucked his own dick. He'll change the way you see the movie. Thank you so much. It's so fucking fun. I love you. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.