KFC Radio - KFC Blows Up at Frank the Tank Ft. Nikki Glaser and Andy Milonakis

Episode Date: August 10, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, Share, and Leave a Review! Subscribe to our youtube: barstool.link/KFCRADIO - Feitelberg has been on a bender - Feitelberg also gave away his Travis Scotts to a stranger who complimented them (he was wearing the shoes at the time) - We're going to Vegas for SummerSlam - Jackie has "bars" - the Mets are making KFC miserable, but Frank the Tank is making KFC even more miserable - Top 5 fast food meals -Voicemails: - gf's mom memorizes passcodes - how to spot an evil clone - state athlete representative 01:13:02 - Nikki Glaser on being sober, being sure about a guy before blowing them, insecurities in relationships and sex, preferring a*** sex, and FBOY ISLAND and much more 02:12:53 - Andy Milonakis on living in Greece, The Andy Milonakis Show, trading places with flight attendants, work-life balance and much more Let us know what you think on Twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @JNics415 @nickhammy5 @Joshua__DM @mikeypavssYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It could be a girl, it could be a guy, I don't even care. I want them to wear a mask, I don't want to see them. So it's almost like you're just getting a job done and I don't want them to, like, come. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. It's Feidelberg and Clancy. Look at Feist sitting on it. Dude, you look like you're about to be on

Girls Do Porn. Bro, hang on one second. I'm so centered right now. I look like I'm going to get fucked right in my ass. You look like... Here's what we're going to do. Ready, John? So when did you first lose your virginity? And tell me what's the craziest thing you've ever done

and what do you think you're going to be doing here today? You look like you're about to do porn. No, it's actually crazy how centered I am. That was a total accident. Total accident. I am outside. I'm in Plymouth, Mass. I'm outside a fucking, like, I'm not anywhere nice.

Oh, my God. Dude, wait, wait, wait. Hold the camera there for a second. That is maybe the bleakest hotel view I've ever seen in my life. No, no, it's not. Because mine yesterday was worse. Detroit. It was worse.

Well, this the hotel room does look nice. And it looks like you're about to earn one thousand to five thousand dollars a day for a shoot. And, you know, potentially have to do like some anal, even though you didn't really want to do it. It's always fun, though. Huh? It's always fun, though. Nothing better than a little surprise anal. You're on a double work trip right now. We're doing it over Zoom. Fights is in

Plymouth, like you said, on the second leg of a work trip coming from Detroit. I'm at my parents' house in the upstairs apartment. So everybody's on away games right now. What? So I landed in Boston, which, by the way, Logan Airport, the most beautiful landing spot you can have. It's gorgeous.

But I went to lunch with my mom and my dad. And my mom and my dad. And my mom is the only person on the planet, obviously. She piled it up. She piled it up. She goes, no, no, I said that. I finally aged out of the smiley face killer, if you know who that is. I was like, I'm finally done. Like, I'm 33 now.

I'll be 33 next weekend. I'm 33. Like, I'm out. No one cares be 33 next weekend. I was like, I'm 33. Like, I'm out. No one cares. Like, no one. And she goes, yeah, that's what Jesus said. I mean, 10 out of 10 line. Yep.

10 out of 10 line. Dude, that is, I mean, she just knows how to fucking suck the air out of a room, kill the mood, kill the vibe. I actually, i got to admit you told me that story earlier and as i hung up i remembered i did a cameo for someone who turned 33 and i just i just went on and on about the fucking the massacre of jesus christ i like i like blacked out and was like talking about how like jesus didn't think he was gonna die when he was 33 and you might die so and i swear to God I snapped out of it after like two and a half minutes and I was like, I'm

sorry. Happy birthday, man. See you later. What am I doing here? I'm talking about Jesus too much. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah. I don't think this is what they had in mind when they got a little fucking cameo birthday shout out. I was like, God, this is pathetic. Get me off of this fucking app. Goodbye.

But so away game for everybody fights was telling me uh well final burg and casinos i don't think go well together because it it involves a a ton of booze b uh controlling finances c self-control, D, like no bedtime. You know, the lights are off, the lights are on, the air is pumping. You're working 20, you go 24 hours. You could be a man who goes into a casino and walks out like literally broke. Like John could have called me last night and been like, I don't have any more money left, period.

And I would have believed it. I really would. I know a guy. Wait, I have a friend. His younger brother is a wild man. And one night he was, I think it was either blackjack or craps. And he was up like 50K. And the guys who were with him were like, dude, like, wait, like, stop.

Just slow down. We got to think about this. He ended up calling his brother, who was like the older, wiser, like financial brother. And he so he was the one who knew how to get it out of there without paying taxes. Everybody cashes out like because I think you can go up to like five thousand bucks without taxes. So everybody took like four thousand nine hundred dollars worth of chips. So he had this whole plan. So everybody took like $4,900 worth of chips. So he had this whole plan, but it was like, what? Did you not know?

No, I know. I know it's $10,000 and it's because Polly does it. But when Polly was in control of my money, she would give me $9,999. It all comes full circle. My point was good. You're the guy who, you know, you got to be like, stop. Call your older brother.

Except it's not your older brother. It's Polly. It's my mother. Yeah. She'll send you $9,999 and she'll tear you down with a fucking line that cuts to your core. Nobody better than her, baby. Once you hit the 10, you're in trouble.

But 9,999, fine. Now, what, though, John, was her most important line of the weekend? Jesus Christ. I honestly don't know. It was not the Jesus Christ one, although a good guess. I know I texted it to you. I know it was not the jesus christ one although a good guess um uh i know i texted to you i know it was earlier this morning i just don't remember what it was no no i don't think i don't think you texted it to me i believe casey texted it to me oh yeah fuck off so casey and uh case Casey texted me about what Polly said about John's hair. Whoa, where'd you get that red hair?

It's so red. Quote, it's so red. Now, she didn't say orange. She didn't say orange. It's blonde as hell. Like, let's be factual here. Can you see this hair? This hair is blonde.

Bro, bro. I mean, I guess we're just going to do this all summer. We're just going to keep having this fucking argument all goddamn summer. All right. I'm going to be honest. All right, fine. It's fucking done. We're doing this.

I'm revealing the veil. I know what color my goddamn hair is. It's funny to argue about it, okay? I know what it is. I have mirrors. I can see what color my goddamn hair is. It's just funny to say it's blonde. I tell you, man, you get caught up in this life sometimes where I was like,

in the beginning, I'm like, he knows it's orange. And then like two weeks in, I'm like, he knows it's orange. Like four weeks in, I was like, wait, does he know it's orange? Does he know what it is? Now we're back. All right, we're back here on Planet Earth. I know what color it is. I get it. on Planet Earth. I know what color it is. I get it.

I get it. I know what color it is. It's just funny to pretend I think it's blonde. Okay? No one who has seen this tell anyone else that I know what it is. It's funny knowing how bad you wanted it to be blonde. You had your son in. You thought you were going to look like Paul Walker.

I know you said that to yourself. I know you said this summer I'm going to look like Paul Walker. I know you said that to yourself. I know you said, this summer, I'm going to look like Paul Walker. I did. Yep. I know. Look like Paul Walker after the car crash. So you had yourself a weekend at the tables. Now, of course, this is all responsibly gambled because John has enough money to burn.

And you just got rocked i lost so all right so here's the deal with barstool sports what up pete what up fucking dave we need to start like we need a per diem because at least five because work trips are usually like a free vacation. Not even a vacation, but just like a free weekend. Yeah, because it's all expenses paid. You get a corporate card. You can put your dinner on it. You can put your drinks on it, the whole nine.

You can't put the blackjack tables on it, brother. Kevin, I'm down at least three grand, right? And no, hang on, hang on, hang on. Okay. Oh, man. I don't think I know i'll do any of this so i'm down at least three grand i lost that money that's gone right i also won two grand okay but i left those tickets on the fucking nightstand so the the cleaning lady she's got those good for her and then i also traded some kid keon Dree goes I love your Travis Scott's I go I hate him they're

so uncomfortable so I gave him my Travis Scott's so I'm down like five grand right wait okay hang the fuck on there is so much to unpack there first of all you just left your winning tickets sitting on the nightstand left them and i saw them and i saw them and i intentionally left them i was like ah fuck i don't even want those and it was like it was two grand worth it was a little over two grand probably yeah and and and that's so you think that's just gone you're not even gonna try to like call the front desk and be like okay and and then you just gave someone your sneakers that you were wearing yeah we traded we traded you were wearing your travis scotts he said cool shoes man and you just said you can have them but then obviously you can't go walking out of there barefoot so you say let me

get your sneakers yep and and for those who don't know the travis scott nikes are like the probably the biggest sneaker release of the last two years like you know sneaker heads go crazy for them the resale is bananas they probably are worth like over a thousand bucks i mean all right you walk out of there with some you know not it's not like you're fucking walking The resale is bananas. They probably are worth like over a thousand bucks. I mean, all right, you walk out of there with some, you know, it's not like you're fucking walking out of there dad shoes and Jordan Lowe 11s, but they're not Travis Scott. Lowe's, I don't like Lowe's. I know, and the Lowe's are trash.

I'm never going to wear those shoes ever again. Never, never. I mean, you should just leave those for the maid too. Just put it on the nightstand. Put it on the nightstand with a sticky that says, you already stole two grand from me take these fucking sneakers too why would you just give someone your shoes dude something's wrong with you bro no i swear to god something's wrong with you you got some issues dog i don't know what it is like like why would you feel compelled

to be like this man said he likes my sneakers. I must give them to him. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, there's a lot wrong with me, Kevin. It's got to be the overwhelming need feeling that you have to please, right? Yeah. Kevin, it sucks being me. It sucks

being me. Can we get in contact with that guy somehow? I hope so. Because he went on Instagram live to his 30 followers probably. Once this goes out there, we'll obviously come forward. We got to talk to him and have him. I mean, he must have been like, what the fuck is going on here?

He's like, you know what? That dude, he probably should have asked for more he should have been like hey man i like your uh i like your jeep over there yeah can i also have your pants yeah yeah sure here you go you know when people say that the guy's so nice he would give you the shirt off his back not many people mean it literally oh john feidelberg that shit is literal man here's i they're they're very uncomfortable sneakers i want to be clear about that i was happy to get rid of them but they're very uncomfortable we're talking about the um which ones which one are we talking about the travis scotts they're very much like the the uh

not like the not the jordan ones right like the desert no the cactus jacks like yeah yeah actually actually you gave those to me yeah i was gonna say wait a minute you just fucking bro you just gave away a gift that i gave you what the hell man you just re-gifted my gift no reason to a stranger to just trade him for some shitty sneakers man that is hilarious i forgot you gave those to me the whole time i was thinking like i was thinking about they were the jordan ones i was like i didn't know john had those and then as i started to remember i was like oh he had the other ones oh wait hey wait what the fuck you are a son of a bitch those are 100 a gift from kevin clancy to me that i gave away to somebody for nothing but you know what jordan 11 lows i'll

never wear ever again when it comes to gift giving yeah i don't give a shit what you do with them i just got the credit you know what i mean as long as i get the credit for the gift i don't care you can throw them in the fucking river you can set them on fire right away i don't give a shit what you do with them i just got the credit you know what i mean as long as i get the credit for the gift i don't care you can throw them in the fucking river you can set them on fire right away i don't give a shit so whatever give me to some random stranger at a roller hockey festival the fuck man so if you think about this john if if the if the weekend in detroit was tough for you When we go to Vegas, man. Wait, you don't know we're going to Vegas. Yeah, baby. WWE SummerSlam is coming up. KFC Radio boys

are going to be there to cover it. We're going to be doing all of our usual content with some WWE superstars. Think about when Large went to the big fights. We're doing that with WWE. We're covering it wall to wall, 24 hours a day.

We're going to be in Vegas for the whole lead-up, behind-the-scenes access, full coverage over the next two weeks, starting now, leading up to SummerSlam. Barstool is going to be all over it. If you're going to be in Vegas, come through. We're going to be in Vegas, come through. We're going to be doing some content there. If I can make a recommendation, come.

We're going to have a lot of fun. Find Feidelberg and just ask him for stuff. Ask him for money, for clothing. If you are a maid, they're going to be fighting over this room to clean up. You're going to find out Feidelberg was in town. I want to clean his room. It's going it's gonna be a time bro so come minnesota and vegas gonna be an absolute

party book your flights and buy your tickets for summer slam at ticketmaster.com it's the biggest event of 2021 for wwe it's headlined by john cena he's back in the mix he had that moment cut like a month ago at Money in the Bank where he returned and it was like, man, there ain't no crowd like a wrestling crowd. His music hit and everybody knew right away it was like the return of John Cena.

He's also fucking Vin Diesel's brother. Let's talk about that a little bit. He is Vin Diesel's brother in Fast and Furious because he's a legend in everything he does he's also in um suicide squad and oh right fuck i wanted to see that tonight i heard that peacemaker uh uh suicide squad is the most gloriously stupid movie ever it might be like your number one it is so have you seen it? Yes, I watched it today. It is

so amazingly dumb. I could not get enough of it. And John Cena is like the perfect dumb murderer role. He is. He kills it. Dude, John Cena is one of the entertainers of a generation at this point. His movies, his fucking

wrestling. The rock him. Yes, all of them. That's what WWE does, man. They turn out superstars and he'll be fighting the WWE Universal Champion Roman Reigns. So if you're going to be in Vegas, come through. If you're going to be at home,

SummerSlam streams live Saturday, August 21st at 8pm on Peacock. So yeah, man, Vegas is got to be one of the worst places in the world for a guy like you. Where it's like. Why like me? Because you'll blow all your money.

Because you can easily be talked into just about anything. Where it's like, hey, man, you want to go to a club? Yeah. Hey, man, you want to like go to the tables? Yeah. You're like, you want to not sleep for four days? Yeah. And also I could see,

I don't know about now, but I could see a young man, Fidel Berg, uh, being like, yeah, man, I don't know.

He's like, he's like gorgeous blondes with like huge tits are really paying a lot of attention to me. I think they like me. I think they really like me, man. I think they want to go on a date with me. Bro,

I didn't even have to see them. What you just said, I was like, I'm in. Like, that was so fast. I was right. I was like, yeah, they sound amazing. I feel like Vegas people would look at Feidelberg

and be like, that orange-haired sucker, we're going to take him for all his money. I could see some Vegas, like, prostitutes Cardi B-ing you, just tying you up and robbing you and be like, yeah. I don't understand. Like, yeah, prostitutes Cardi B-ing you. Just tying you up and robbing you and be like, yeah. I don't understand. Like, yeah, I'd be happy about that. I would have literally

zero complaints. They would tie you up. They'd be stealing all your shit and the only thing they'd leave behind is a pair of Jordan 11 Lowe's. They'd be like, Yo, if I get fucking, so we're in Vegas August 20th.

19, 21, I think. 19, 21. If I get fucking tied up and molested there, I win. I'm fine. I'm in. I can see Nick now just being like, ah, Jesus Christ. No, he's not going to be there. He can't even stop it.

That's right. Oh, my God. There's going to be no parent. Yeah, I'm sending Jackie to No, he's not going to be there. He can't even stop it. That's right. Oh my God. No parent. I'm sending Jackie to supervise. This is going to be... Oh yeah. Jackie might be the one fucking tying me up and telling me... Fuck you. Jackie,

I was told, was spitting some bars over the weekend. Apparently you're a rapper now, Jack. Right. I have a little, a little bonus land this morning. And I just, my friends were playing. So,

you know how, I don't know if you saw my tweet, but I keep coming up with these fire rap lyrics, right? Well, you know, debatable. You keep coming up with.

Did you see hickeys on his neck all redneck? Yes, yes, I did The first one was what? The first one was like Hang on, Jackie, time out This is your apartment, you're right Look at the duplex for you, girl It doesn't have windows, though

Whatever, that's fine That's kind of fire. Dude, how about the fact that Jackie's got to lug her ass up a dangerous spiral staircase every night? I've fallen down. I don't know if you can see how steep it is. This is the first time that I

was here. I hit my face on it. What was I going to say? The first one, let me tell you. The first one this was about two months ago um she said balls in his court but he's got no balls in his shorts yes and that and before that in may was has anyone ever used the line you gotta make the paper to roll the paper. Uh-huh. I hate both of those. How can you hate them? They're literally like,

how does Snoop Dogg not come up with you gotta make the paper to roll the paper? Also, it's like... He's gonna make the paper to roll the paper. We're talking about weed, right? I was talking about weed, but then I was like... It costs like $5. You don't have to make paper. Gotta hold the paper like it was weed. I was like, oh, weed. But then I was like, it's like five dollars. You have to make paper. I don't know.

Weed is insanely cheap. Weed is like it's crazy how cheap weed is. But if you if you continue to smoke weed all the time, then it costs money. It racks up. Yeah. If you continue to fucking drink soda the whole time, it racks up to you. You you make more money. You can't like.

Hang on one second. What's your face about? Well, I'm just saying she asked how come Snoop Dogg hasn't come up with this yet as if Snoop would have problems buying weed. I think Snoop's not worried about how much money.

Because Snoop is making the paper. So he can roll the paper. He can roll the paper? Making the paper. Yo, anyone with a goddamn job is making the paper. Okay. It's easy to buy weed. Like, weed is easy.

Okay, fine. Then it could be like a Coke reference, too, technically. No, it definitely couldn't. Definitely couldn't. What about today's? Give him, what is it? Givekeys hickeys on his neck i called him redneck okay so i like that one thank you that one's going you're in on that yeah that one i came up with and i was like we did something there this one so then today my roommate just came down today i oh so roommate you don't have to come on camera but you guys think jackie's stupid too right oh she says no um anyway so

she starts she starts playing this because we're like you asked me to play a beat yeah well okay i asked her to play this beat and i was like let's just see if i could do this so then instantly right from the get-go i just spit this bar and people look at each other like whoa i just did something you said one word no i know but i was and i'll I was... I just don't want to send the video because I look so bad in it. But I was like, what was it? What was the rap? Wait. Wait, you have it on video?

I have it on video. Send the video and if you really look so bad, you don't want it out there, fine, but we got to put the audio up. Okay, okay, okay, okay. The audio. It's like my... Play it right now. Okay, well, here. fine but we got to put the audio up okay okay okay okay the audio it's like it's like play it right now okay well here i'll send it in restyling here on kfc radio okay i don't know if you're This is the party, y'all. Play me. She's like, Mario.

I don't know. What? No, I also edited it. Because the next part, she's not saying anything. No, you mumbled. OK, but anyways, isn't that kind of good? It was better than I thought it was going to be. I thought you had, like, a whole rap.

OK, no, there was one verse, but that one verse still, like, admit it, you were kind of impressed. No, but what I'm impressed by was the beat was sick. Did you hear the lyrics, though? We going in, it's a party, y'all. Play me just like Mario. I thought you said just like Mardi Gras

I thought Mardi Gras would have worked better to be honest Play me just but that wouldn't have made sense Play me just like Mardi Gras No it wouldn't have made sense You're right Jackie but I expected you To not make sense These are my rap lyrics And if you want to do your own rap lyrics

Then you can do that You are just Brimming with self-confidence and it's unbelievable i'm not even kidding i people who just have self-confidence are such a breath of fresh air especially in this gang so keep doing you jackie i'm not even gonna tear you down girl because i at this point i am you know. You know what happened to me, John, this weekend? What do you got? I once again, for the first time in a long time, have been torn down by sports again.

Oh, okay. Okay, yes. I've heard tale of this. And I saw a little video, maybe you and Tank are arguing a bit. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Tank are arguing a bit. Oh! Oh! Yeah! Fuck you!

You're still losing. The game isn't tied yet. You're not leading. Frank, I fucking can't stand you, dude. Say one good thing about the team one fucking time. You're still losing to us. I'm rooting for the team. If you're not in this country, anyone can help you.

We're not getting rallied. What's the fucking point, Frank? It's important the Mets make these fucking miserable. What's even the fucking point? The Mets are not doing so well. No, they're not doing so well, John. That's a nice way to put it, John. And it's been a little while, man.

It's been, you know, we had a break from all of this because of COVID and no sports. And then even when sports resumed, it was kind of like, well, this season doesn't really count. So really when you think about it, it's been a couple of years since there's been, and that's for baseball really more. I mean, I know football was in the mix, but the, and the jets certainly disappointed me when they, when they stupidly won and lost to Trevor Lawrence. But as far as the Mets go, I really have had this little respite from being totally crushed.

And now we're at the point where I, I think I got to sign up for better help again, because the Mets have just done it to me again. They've just sucked the life out of me. And it happened so fast that I'm going to head over to betterhelp.com. And I'm going to find a therapist on the internet, whether I want to text with them or talk to them over the phone or use a video chat. Either way, I will get some customized online therapy that can help me get through this goddamn Mets collapse. That's right. I'm using the C word again. Is it that bad?

Collapse John. It's a collapse, John. And I'm going to need to sit down with someone who really understands what this means and what this is doing to me. And, and the good thing is, it's happening so fast with the Mets. Like I just blinked and I'm fucked and here a better help you can get a therapist in 48 hours so it's not like i have to wait like a month to get an appointment and then the baseball season's over anyway and i'm like well dude you missed you missed and that's the hardest part of finding therapists too right this is a better help god bless whatever therapist ends up working with me they're gonna be like

oh boy we're right in the middle of this one, huh? But they're going to help. You know, I love it says like it'll help you figure out your stressors. Yeah, I think we know what my stressor is. I'm going to get unbiased feedback, which I'm going to need because they're going to be like, bro, you are mentally ill and you have a mind of a child who can't get over this fucking baseball team. And they're going to help me get through it. So if you are a Mets fan or any sports fanatic who's down in the dumps or if you have any sort of mental issues,

you can go to betterhelp.com slash KFC and get 10% off your first month. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com slash KFC. Get 10% off your first month. I'm not going to go into, like, too much of it because you can go listen to the ins and outs of it on We Gotta Believe with Clem and myself. But, bro, like in the blink of an eye. So you guys are done, right? Well, you're what? You're tied first place? No, John? Well, you're what? You're tied first place?

No, John. No, you're down? We're down two and a half games, John. Shut the fuck up. It went from four to two and a half. The Phillies swept us this weekend. It was like – I didn't know that.

I was – you know what? I actually will show – I'll show you the receipts. I texted the group chat, and I said, privately, I'm calling for a sweep. I didn't want to say it publicly. I've been rooting for my guys, but I was like, there's no way we win a game this weekend. And that's exactly what happened. And I knew that this team had some major issues with injuries and underperformance, but I still was like,

we're up four games and we've been up four games. And there's just no reason to think that the Phillies are just going to become this awesome team. And guess what they did, John, they just became an awesome team. They won eight of their last 10 and the Mets lost eight of their last 10. And then poof,

it's all gone. I might be a bigger Mets fan than you are right now, to be totally honest. Cause you want to be miserable. I no, no, Mets fan than you are right now, to be totally honest. Because you want Frank to be miserable? No, no. I want the Mets. Oh, wait. What did you say? Because you want Frank to be, well. I just want you to be right.

I don't care about. Yes, yes. I'm with you, baby. You know, like, I want you to be right. Frank is, now I've got these motherfucking idiots who are coming at me saying Frank was right and you need to apologize to Frank Frank is just the Max Kellerman of the Mets he just screams every single night about a reason why they're gonna be bad and a reason why they're gonna lose and he's wrong for

four months and then finally the Mets start playing bad and what happens to them are things that like we knew had been happening and we knew were possible. It's not like he predicted some fucking thing that nobody saw coming. Frank Fleming is just – I mean, listen, the Mets have been out of it for 30 straight years. And if you just say it every year, you're quote-unquote right? I guess so.

Oh, we're talking Cliff? Yeah, because Brady – one brady will fall off the cliff and and then they'll be like i was right i was right well you were wrong for a decade straight this is like the micro the microcosm version of it where it's like well from the very beginning frank has been saying this and and he was proven wrong for four fucking straight months and the things that frank complains about don't even really have like Frank's complaining about the old GM, the one who sent all the text messages. Like, Frank, what? Who's GM for a week and a half?

Yeah. Like that has no effect at all. things that he the three reasons he believes that Cohen hasn't changed the Mets are the GM situation injuries he thinks that Cohen's to fall for the injuries and uh and Kumar Rocker who's the dude that was like an awesome college player I know Kumar so I don't know what's going on with that they didn't sign him though I think something major is afoot with that guy. Peter Gamiz was very vocal about the fact that he said that he knows scouts who are saying all year he's hurt, he's hurt, he's hurt. I don't even know if it's – I think it's more than just hurt, though. Oh, really?

So here's a scoop I heard from an unnamed source. They said if you think we have – they were like if – I don't know if I can say. They were like, look at our draft the past few years if you think we have we were they were like if i don't know if i can say they were like look at our draft the past few years if you think we're afraid of injuries because i guess they've signed guys who have had tommy john and whatnot leading people to like meaning like it's not injuries and they fully pulled their offer all together so i'm like i don't know man that seems like there's something more going on there that's even beyond but anyway that's not that's besides the point the point here john is that you know i went through a collapse in 07 and now this is the middle of the year so maybe the maybe the phillies blew their load too early maybe the mets can get healthy and make a run. But boy, being back in a collapse mode.

You know, it's like that's a young man's game. Dealing with that shit. You got to be young. You got to be able to like being a fan of a heart attack for young men. And that's it. It's like it's kind of like drinking and getting a hangover it's like when i don't drink anymore because i'm like the hangovers are literally too much for me to handle the collapse at the age of 36 two kids i mean you know what i mean when i was a when i was

the collapse of 07 i was a child i was a baby i baby. I was like, I'm going to go out and party, try to get laid. I'll do all the fun stuff to counteract how bad this is over here. And now it's like, oh, good, the collapse is complete. I have to go put my kids to bed. Oh, the Mets aren't in first place anymore, and also it's time to cut a check for child support. Oh, the Mets blew a four-game lead in the blink of an eye. I have to put a down payment on a house for a place that I'm not even going to live in, John.

Oh, the Phillies are in first place, and my Hyundai's breaking again. I mean, it's an ugly scene over here. I am down bad, John. Kevin, but you just, with that rant, is it 10 out of 10? That's so goddamn fucking funny. It's not even funny. That's so fucking funny. It's not, man.

It's brutal, dude. I either need, like, the Mets to have a miraculous comeback. Cause how sweet would that be? If I could just shove it in all the Fleming fans faces and be right and have them be. I'm rooting for the Mets harder than I'm running for the red side. Yeah. We are in the same boat, brother. We are in the same boat right now. You guys were a much better team and had a real shot at contending the Mets.

We're just going to hopefully beat, beat out a shitty division, but we are right now in the same boat and you know like I'm here's what gives me solace I'm thinking like the Red Sox could easily turn it back on we're you know the Red Sox aren't in but so then maybe the Mets can too but I don't know the Mets are way worse than the Mets probably not probably not probably not but you know what I? And this is where the video you're talking about, John, me and Frank and a bunch of the boys were watching. Frank was so insufferable. Big T was next to me. And he goes, bro, I'm a Braves fan.

I need the Mets to lose right now. And even I'm rooting for them to fucking win. Because Frank is just – John, the bases were loaded. The Mets were down three. Dude gets like a chopper infield single to score a run. The rally keeps going. We're now only down by two. Frank goes, so what?

We're not even tied yet. We're still losing. I'm like, bro, if you're literally not even going to cheer for scoring runs in the bottom of the ninth with the bases loaded. And they ended up losing. So he's like, told you so. I'm like, yeah, I guess you were right, Frank. But you're literally rooting against the fucking team. Be happy.

When you score runs, be happy. It's very easy. And this is, I'll leave it at this. I'll leave it at this because I know KC Radio fans, you know, like I said, go listen to We Gotta Believe if you want to hear a real Mets talk. But people are like, how can you stay calm and positive about this? Because my thing, too, is if this year, if they end up sucking the rest of the way, this year wasn't their year

to win the World Series anyway. It's part of a bigger picture, all that. But these fans say, how can you be so calm and positive? Because you used to be Mr. Negative. And I'm like, isn't that the point? If I, Mr. Negative, can see the big picture here and you're still being the Debbie Downer asshole, that should show you how fucking stupid you're being

because even I can understand the big picture. So if I can, you can, you fucking assholes. You are 100. Kevin, sometimes I disagree with you. It's pretty rare, but you are 100% right right now. Thank you. 100% right. Well, I'm about to be 100% right, too, when I demolish you in our top fives

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And right now you can go to nomadgoods.com slash KFC. That's N-O-M-A-D-G-O-O-D-S dot com slash KFC and start living that nomad life. Top five fast food meals. I'm giving you one. I know for a fact, I got one last time. So, okay. Okay. Um, I'm going off the rip here. We just decided this a minute ago. I didn't do much, much research. Um, so I'm just gonna go with like good old americana and this is this is gonna be you're gonna be wrong you're gonna

yeah you're you're gonna i was gonna say you're gonna not like my pick and that's because you're a dumb fat baby and and i also know that some people are gonna get cute with it and they're like i know that people are gonna be like oh dude the number seven at zaxby's is gonna is the best like fuck you all right you know what i mean i don't know all these regional places so everyone's gonna have some old thing but i'm going with good old fucking fastball down the middle timeless meal the big mac meal at mcdonald's give me a large with the large fries and the sprite give me two all beef patties little lettuce give me a large with the large fries and the Sprite. Give me two all-beef patties, lettuce sauce, pickles, cheese. Two all-beef patties, lettuce sauce, pickles, cheese. Something on a sesame seed bun.

Whatever that fucking shit is. I mean, that's a strong word. It's a strong word. It's got its own jingle, John. If your meal has a jingle, you know it's legit. The Big Mac meal. Number one. You're not like, I thought you were going to have a worse order. That's a, that's a good order. That's a good number one. If you're taking one, that's a good one. You know what? I even remember, I remember I used to just get like cheeseburgers when I was, when I was just a

wee top John, when I was a young lad and my dad used to get Big Macs. And because, you know, they're kind of hard to eat. The only thing I'll say that negative about is hard to eat, you know. And as a kid, I was almost intimidated. And I watched my dad. He was like cupping it, holding it. And, you know, really chowed down. And I remember the day that I finally was like, I'm doing it. I'm becoming a man.

Some people say when you get, you know, your bar mitzvah, you're a man. Some people say when you lose your virginity. No, for me, it's when you eat your first Big Mac. It's some puberty shit. It is some puberty shit. When I'm big enough to hold a fucking Big Mac, then I'm a man. 100%. I am going spicy chicken sandwich, Wendy's.

That's your one. That's got to be your one. It's goddamn good. In fact, I might order one right now. I might get one this very second. I'm lying. I'm not going to. There's a Chili's

right next door, and I'm going to go get some fucking cheeseburger egg rolls right after this is done. Yeah, buddy. Yeah, buddy. But the spicy chicken sandwiches, it's unbeatable. It's unbeatable. Let me just look up real quick

meals, if you will. Whatever the... Like a Wendy's 10-piece nugget meal. Is that a meal? Kev, yeah. No, that works wrong again. No, no, no, I'm not because I need –

you got to have a nuggets meal within your top five somewhere, and the Wendy's chicken, as is in your sandwich, you know, but the Wendy's chicken nugget is the superior nugget in the game. It's better than every, like the chicken McNugget is garbage compared to the Wendy's nugget. 10 spot with the barbecue sauce. That's the choice. You're a hundred percent right.

A hundred percent right. That it is. It's the superior nugget by far. Absolutely. By far. But is it better than a spicy chicken from Chick-fil-A? You're going to double up, Chick?

I don't think so. I mean, it depends on I don't know. It depends on your mood. Do you want a sandwich or do you just want straight nugget to the face? Alright, let me hear a funny story. So when I was at fsu when i was in tallahassee i swear to god and this is obviously a dream i had at some point

i went to chick-fil-a on a sunday once no you very much did i definitely i definitely didn't but i have a dream where i went there like I'm convinced I went on a Sunday afternoon I was so hungover and I woke up and I drove and I was like holy shit they're open this is crazy and it definitely didn't happen it definitely

didn't happen but it was but it happened literally the only place that happens is in like the depths of hell, right? It's like you get to hell. Hell? Yeah. Maybe for you, gay boy.

But not for the rest of Chick-fil-A fans. All right. So you got two spicy chicken nugget, spicy sandwiches on your shit there, huh? I'm going to go with, let me get the exact combo meal here for you because this is a place that i usually just kind of go a la carte but i gotta get the exact meal for it um i'm gonna go outside the bun think outside the bun baby i'm going straight to taco bell where dog your dog that's funny i um i i mean i'm struggling to find like Taco Bell, where... Dog! You dog! That's for me! I mean, I'm struggling to find a cheesy gordita

meal, but whatever the fuck that one is. The cheesy gordita crunch meal is... Listen, Taco Bell has a lot of good stuff. Just straight up, their Taco Supremes, soft or hard, amazing. Doritos Locos, amazing. The Chalupas, the burritos,

all that, but the Cheesy Gordita Crunch, my friend. It's one of the greatest fast food items, period. So I got my burger, I got my chicken, now I'm going to get my Mexican Cheesy Gordita Crunch meal from Taco Ball. Hey, guess what? I'm stealing you, Crunch at Supreme.

Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch bitch bitch bitch not mad at it it's it's the it's it's inferior to the coochie's gonna eat a crunch but it's a great second pick john it's a great plan b if you will the crunch wrap is is also the crunch wrap is like a uh it's a work of art the way it's folded up together it becomes like a hexagon or whatever it's like a work of art. The way it's folded up together, it becomes like a hexagon or whatever. It's amazing. People who make minimum wage make that. I know sometimes I think about that when I think this is how you know that it is mental that someone else making your food, it just automatically tastes better because like when your mom makes you a

sandwich, that makes sense because your mom knows what she's doing and she makes it good. And she knows what you like. And she's, you know, she's been cooking for you for years, but how come the minimum wage scrub, no shade. If you're working there, we love you. But how come that guy's, you know, artistry is like, wow, this is delicious. Cause he's just fucking slapping it together, but it tastes better it's crazy okay sorry can you guys hear the music i can hear no i can't hear it what is it no one else can nope no i i can't hear it either i just like i mean i i don't know what

it is i don't i can't hear it i was like john i don't think there's any music playing then pretending there's songs playing. But it's the room right next to me, and, like, it's really loud. Nope. Really, really loud. Okay. Whatever. Anyway, so my third pick?

Yep. I think. Fourth. Fourth. Fourth pick. I am going with a clean double cheeseburger. Now, is that a meal? The meal,

it is a meal on the menu. I don't know exactly what number it is. I think I bent the rules too because I looked through the menu and I don't think there's actually a cheesy gordita crunch meal. Yeah, no. Even if there's not,

I'll give it to you. I'll give it to you, yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's old faithfulness. It's a clean double cheeseburger. And you know, I'll give it to you. I'll give it to you, yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's old faithful. And you know what I do with it? Is I dip it in the fucking sweet and sour sauce. Yep, that's a good. Now, do you do the McGangbang? No.

Neither do I. And that gets so blown out of proportion. Everyone's fucking, oh, the McGangbang. They're gangbanging themselves over how good the McGangbang is. And it's like, that's one of those things where it's like when you get a burger on a, on a Krispy Kreme donut, it's like, just because you like all those things doesn't mean when you slam them

together, it's what it's a nuggets on top of a double with, with, with sweet and sour sauce. It's like, well, bro, it's too much.

It is like, that's what happens in my stomach after I eat all of those individually. I don't need that to happen outside. Also, for the record, I want it known that this is currently available because there's some old school ones. The smoky bacon cheddar cheeseburger from Wendy's back in the day, it's not there anymore, but that was the top. Oh, don't get me started on the rodeo Oh, don't get me started on the rodeo

burger. Don't get me started on the rodeo burger. Right, and that's like an OG one, right? Oh, yeah. The rodeo burger was fire. I just want people knowing that because you're going to get people coming out of the woodwork and be like, wow. And it's like, yeah, that got retired in 1997, so calm down.

I'm going to go with... By the way, I'll give you a little time here. You know what's bullshit? The meme that they don't have Big Flory, the machine's not ready? I've never once had it happen to me.

Yeah, that's... I get a Big Flory every time I go to McDonald's. No one's ever fucking said the machine's broken. Never. Enjoy your meme. It's never happened to me. I do like the fact that there are some McDonald's workers who probably have thrown that out there and they just don't want to make one.

They're just like, no, it's broken. That's fine. I get it. But it's not real. I'm going to go with the Baconzilla meal from Checkers. The Bacon Cheeseburger from Checkers, brother. Let me read it exactly to you. I actually think that in some instances, I just get a regular bacon cheeseburger because it's got two patties.

And I'll be honest, I'm a little bit of a bitch and that's too much for me. But it's got four slices of crispy bacon, two slices of American cheese, melted cheddar cheese with the American cheese, and then a little ketchup and mayo combination. With the spicy, like, they kind of have, like, Cajun fries. Checkers, so underrated. Checkers is so underrated. Checkers, they don't fuck around. You're right.

You're right. Is that my fifth picnic? That was your fourth. John went two in a row there. Oh, okay. You're a sneaky son of a bitch. So I still got one. Oh, geez.

All right, so my number five then. Fuck me. My number five is going to be. All right, my number five is easy. It is the chicken parm from which no one knows about. Apparently not no one, but people, the people who know things, they know about it. Kevin doesn't because he's an idiot.

It's garbage. It is. It's what I used to get at on Route 24 in Bridgewater at the Murder King. If you don't know about the Murder King, fucking God bless you. But it is. It's the best fucking chicken sandwich you'll ever have in your life it's so good it's so good it comes with a fucking long bun it's i can't tell you how good it is it is genuinely delicious can i retroactively make

it my one sure because you're a fucking idiot. My number one. It's my number one. That is the worst goddamn meal. No! You've just never had it. I want Italian people to come out and be like, rage against you.

It's going to be like the Sopranos episode when I try to take down the Columbus statue. People are just going to unsubscribe from this fucking podcast. I wouldn't blame all the Italians. Alright, my last pick is, I'm so happy this just popped into my mind. It's not

exactly one I'm ever going to scoop up in the light of day or when I'm just looking for a dinner. But when I'm drunk and I want it, a White Castle, sack of 10, plus the chicken rings and the drink. Oh, and the fries.

The Castle Pack, I think it's called? 10 burgers, chicken rings, fries, and a drink. When you're drunk, oh my God. The chicken rings. I know people bust balls about the White Castle burgers, the belly bombs, and I understand it. They make you shit for days. It's not great.

But the chicken rings, phenomenal chicken. Right up there with the Wendy's nuggets. Well, below the Wendy's nuggets. But high-quality chicken, the White Castle combo. Oh, mwah. Dude, that's some Fordham shit. As a kid who almost got shot at the fort of the white castle outside of fordham that i mean they had bulletproof glass there big time man i mean bulletproof glass how about this though when when you're when you order there because it gets

unruly the locals mix with the college kids and they always want to rough up the college kids and rob them and shit and you sit there and you see the bulletproof glass, right? And you're like, wait a minute. They need bulletproof glass. But I'm on the wrong side of it. I think I need bulletproof glass too.

I mean, I don't have to tell them the money, but... Kevin's trying to fucking apply at White Castle. Just let me in, guys. Let me in. I mean, I told you the story one time there when I got hit with the soda. It's the most emasculating moment of my life. Just guys throwing full sodas at me.

And I was like, I can't do anything about it because you guys will fucking shank me on the way out. Go ahead. Throw your sodas. Dunk on me. You can just do whatever you want to me. I'm not going to go fight this gang. Run me like a bitch. I don't give a shit. Run a train because I can't do shit about want to me. I'm not going to go fight this gang. Run me like a bitch. I don't give a shit.

Run a train because I can't do shit about it, man. All right. All right. So that's our top five. Hit us with your top five fast food meals. There's a million more places, regionals, all sorts of different spots to talk about. We'll get into our voicemails.

And then today we have Nikkiki glazer on the show uh and andy milanakis nikki glazer another like hour plus interview with her she's just she's one of the greatest in the game she's one of she might she might be the top like female podcaster out there one of just the top podcasters period the girl just lets it fucking rip uh so she's talking about her new show she just can't stop taking a dick in the ass. What's that? She just can't stop taking a dick in the ass. Really likes anal, folks.

She does. It's crazy. Very open about it. She's getting fucked in the ass. Very open about it. And we're talking about her new show, Fuckboy Island. So let's do our voicemails first. It's brought to you by Revitalite.

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It's about pre. There should be pre-vitalite and revitalite. You got to start it early. Do it during. Do it after. And that's how you like it. I was going to say it has to be Revitalberg. Oh, Revitalberg.

You should have your own flavor. Revitalberg. You should have your own flavor. Revitalberg. Have to have it. John, you do your best thinking when you're on your bender. I swear to God. Revitalberg is amazing. And it'll be like a sour patchy type flavor. You just mix a bunch of shit in there.

Oh, Revitalberg is really high quality stuff. And it'll help you fight your hangovers. It'll help you stay hydrated. You don't even need necessarily to drink it only when you're drinking alcohol you can get the electrolytes and the uh and the hydration flowing uh especially when you get the barstool black label which is the blue flavor that we teamed up with them so everybody knows when you're drinking these kind of uh kind of drinks blue is the go-to flavor. Barstool knew that. So the Black Label, it pairs perfectly with nightcaps and midnight snacks. You should drink beforehand.

Get hydrated. I say use it as your mixer. Have a little vodka, Revitalite while you're drinking. Drink it before you go to bed and then drink it the next morning when you wake up. That's four sessions of Revitalite and you will stop that hangover before it even starts. And right now you can get it at the Barstool Sports store online. So go to store.barstoolsports.com buy your package and then tweet at us or post on Instagram at drink Revitalite. Show us your morning after stories and show us your bonus land land material so if you're drunk in the

morning bonus land us and uh show your revitalite uh let's go voicemails sub kfc fights rest of the crew there uh so got a quick uh scenario for i want to get your guys opinion on it so after me and my girlfriend broke up you know therapist, therapists tell me, you know, reflecting on the relationship. And so one of the red flags I saw was that when I would go visit her parents, her mom had this ability to just see someone type in the passcode on the phone and memorize it. So if we're sitting around a table and she has a question, she doesn't have her phone, she's grabbing the nearest phone, logging on, going on the Internet,

and just searching whatever she has to find the answer for. So I'm sure you guys can understand that sometimes not everything gets cleared from the Internet. So my concern is we got into a fight because my girlfriend would tell me or ex-girlfriend she would tell me that uh you know you need to uh clear your history after whatever you're done like well that's asking for a lot so with that uh do you think that's absolutely psychotic behavior just her mom grabbing my phone to look up you know how to make a recipe using my phone. And all of a sudden there's spit roast gang bang on my phone right there. Is that, is that psychotic behavior? Let me know your answer. Thanks.

Yeah, man. Listen, we've been saying it for a long time. Your phone is now like an extension of you. It's like part of your brain. Part of your heart. Part of your soul. It's like if you wouldn't go digging through my pockets. And you wouldn't go putting your hands down my pants. And you wouldn't be digging into my brain. And my thoughts.

Then you can't dig through my fucking phone. It is right. Kid's 100% right. I think the fact that. The second. If you ever want to look through someone's phone break up it's over and and now this is the mother so it's not like it's the girlfriend but like yeah you i mean first of all what is this whole like she she can just see everyone's passcode and memorize it like what is she jason fucking born like what was the what

was the recipes thing too he's saying he's saying that she'll be like cooking and be like i need i need to look up the recipe oh i don't have my phone oh there's his phone let me just grab it and because i memorized his passcode i uh i open it up and then i'm looking through you know barefoot contessa and i type in barefoot and next thing that pops up is like barefoot hookers in the trailer because you've been there. Yeah, that's not my proudest wank. But but listen, that you shouldn't have to clear your history. You shouldn't have to hide your anything. Your phone is yours. And and I don't know. I mean, yeah, you got to you. Things might be perfect with this girl, but if you're going to be around her mom, then you've got to break up

with her because apparently her mom is a privacy-invading whore. That's right. I truly think that if your phone belongs to you, it's your brain. Like we said earlier, we've said it a million times, it is an extension of me.

It's my brain you are not allowed inside my brain so why would you be allowed inside my phone it makes no and that's why i honestly think that people should you shouldn't be able to even like casually use someone else's phone because then it opens up it opens up a can of worms for when it's something you know if i just say to you like oh shoot my phone's dead john can i like use your phone worms for when it's something, you know, if I just say to you like, Oh shoot, my phone's dead, John, can I like use your phone to order food? It's like, well, yeah, I don't want to be an asshole, but if we were dating and then it's like, now I can't say no to you because then that's a red flag. But if I say yes,

then you're on there and you know the passcode. And then next time you try to use it, the passcode has been changed and you're like, well, why'd you change the passcode? It's like, well, if you just didn't go on there in the first place, we wouldn't even have this issue. So this should just be one person and one person only.

It should almost be like you can't somehow, you can't use it unless you're me. Like beyond the fingerprint, beyond the eye scan, there should be some way where it only opens for you because then it doesn't open a can of worms down the road. And guess what? If you're a good person, when someone's

on their phone, you immediately look away. Yeah. I didn't want to know. The second someone takes their phone out, my eyes, bang. Sealing. I don't want to see your passcode. I don't want to see the pictures you're scrolling through. Show me the picture you want to show me.

And that's it. I'm not going to watch you fucking flip through because guess what there's gonna be pictures there that you don't want me to see so i don't look at anything until you're you hit me and go hey hey this is the one i want you to see fine that one i'll look at but aside from that your phone is your business and not mine that's why i mean know, we're talking about all this like, the new technology that Musk and Bezos is doing where it's like installed into your brain. And I know that's creepy and scary and people don't want that. But I'm like, fuck it. Let's do it. Because

then only me. Then it's only in my brain. You can only get in here when it's mine. You should do the Dana Beers double tap. Yeah. The only way is when you brain scan all right next up hey kfc fights nick jackie rest of the crew going on there quick hypothetical for you so let's just say classic movie trope um you know for example kfc let's say there's an evil clone of fights that comes into your reality so there's two

exactly even fighter birds in front of you um and you have a gun you don't know which one is the real fights and you don't know which one is the bad fights um what is the one question you ask fights to say which one is the real one only the real fights would be able to answer this question. Then you ask the question, what is that question that you ask fights so that he can tell you that he's the real one instead of the real one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it, we get it. Wow. I get it.

First of all, I want to say one thing real quick. Are we still pretending my hair is red? This is so blonde. I hate you so much. I was making sure the reel would come out of your mouth there. Like, I mean, like, are we kidding? We're pretending this is red. Oh, my.

Right now. Nick, Nick, can you screenshot this? We're pretending this is red? Yeah. On no planet. On zero planets. This is a great question that like is awesome for couples and best friends and stuff where like you know you really got to find something that you guys and only you guys know it's tough for us because um we so many of our stories we've like shared and told that like a lot of people could know our inside jokes and stuff, you know,

so much of our lives are public, but I think I know of one that I know. We both, when we bring up this one night out together, there's always one story that we tell regarding the night. And I think that I don't think your clone would know it. I don't think the public would really know it as much. I have two. One of them I wasn't even there for. It's a story involving you, but I wasn't there for it.

Okay. It's when you went to Vegas your first time. Uh-huh. And you're in the car. Uh-huh. And they were like, what's your name? Actually, I don't just just anything about that trip i don't i don't have an exact story but you with like the fucking what's his

name waffle or whatever i was with waffles mcbutter i think i know the story i think another story you're talking about this waffles mcbutter was his name back when bro bible tried to uh to compete with us and he told some story about the commenters and he was like i don't fucking let the commenters bother me bro like he goes what he said he goes uh he goes i don't let them beat me like at life i'll fucking tell them that they should die of cancer and i said something like yeah bro if you tell them that like i think they are beating you at life and the old car was like oh and it was super awkward because it was like we were all supposed to be like blogging buddies on

a vegas trip and i just ethered this guy and everyone was like you just got dunked on i was like oh yikes uh how about this though john if i said to you uh what story did ra tell us at the christmas party uh celtics box which one gavin which one there's one that we're talking about is fucking well actually there are two so there are two i have really but okay so maybe i'm wrong then because when i think it's one i think i think the one is when he got his yes okay good yes what's the second one that even compares you know when he told fucking maurice that he looks like uh bill russell russell mo looks nothing like bill russell he's just a tall black guy he's just a tall black guy in boston so all right he was like that's the same that is

funny but but the vasectomy, I mean, it was like, hey, how are you? I'm Brian. They call me R.A. So I was getting my dick snipped. And it was like... He had pictures. He had pictures, David. He showed us. He showed us pictures. I just remember anytime

I brought up, people said like, oh, do you do Christmas parties at Barstool? And I would bring up that we went to the Celtics game and got a box and then both of us at times have been like and then RA told me what does it mean to me I think that's the only thing that both you and I would have known for sure but that's what to think of that and that's a good one for the listeners you know that that goes viral every now and then on Twitter like um you know you've been kidnapped and you you need to send one tweet to alert people that you've been kidnapped. What would it be? So tweet at us. What questions do you think you could ask? I could ask John. John could ask me. You would ask the KFC radio gang,

whatever, to make sure we don't get killed. All right, let's do our last voicemail. It's brought to you by Fleischman Salon. I got I'm rocking the hat right now because I've gotten to the point where if I don't have my Fleischman flow on point, I don't even like to show it off. It's like consuming a meal the way the chef intended it. I don't even want you to look at this hair unless I've got the sea salt spray in, unless I've got the paste in, the cream in. Everything that Fleischmann is all about, making this flow, this head of hair as good as it can be. That's what Erica does. Erica has dedicated her

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Use promo code KFC to get 20% off and check out the bundles to get extra savings. Last one. Let's go. What's up KFC? Bites, Jackie, Nick, anyone else who's there? I'm driving right now, and I just had a quick hypothetical.

If you had to choose the best athlete from each state to face off in an all-out brawl, basically like a Hunger Games, so like, for example, the country would go into purge mode, and you could see LeBron representing Ohio or, you know, Akron, and then Tom Brady representing Tampa Bay. So my question is, which state would win, and who would you pick to represent you for your state? Choose wisely, because the state that wins, their leader has to make the decisions for the rest of the country, so they can't just be some jerk off.

All right. That's a great question. It is a great question. Tom Brady also does not represent Tampa Bay. Yeah. I mean, that's my – he needs to clarify whether he means hometown. Hometown. It's hometown.

Hometown. Okay. So like from – okay. So then – Brady would be California. And Brady – you know what's crazy about this is Tom Brady would not be your selection. Who would it be? I don't know, but I just know there are people who are more athletic from –

Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, because we're talking about a Hunger Games fight, right? We're not talking about an athletic competition. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so in that case, yeah, Tom Brady is, like, well at the bottom of the list. games fight right we're not talking about an athletic competition okay yeah okay so that in that case yeah tom brady's like well at the bottom of the list you know you might just pick a you know uh it's like russell westbrook from california or something just some like

is he yeah okay i mean that if i'm doing california i'm probably taking westbrook because as far as sheer athleticism goes forget forget about it. New York? New York. What did you say, sir? I'm just trying to think of who would be for New York. Oh, New York. Who would you do for Massachusetts? Is there one that jumps out? There's no one I've thought of for Massachusetts.

Oh, I got it. Brooklyn, New York, Iron Mike Tyson. Forget it. That story, I told it on the rundown the other day, but that story about the locks, thinking about stabbing Mike Tyson, is one of the funnest. Mike Tyson was flirting with Eve.

Not flirting, he was harassing her. Yeah, he was flirting, taking it too far to the point that Jadakiss, Styles, and Sheik were like, we're going to have to fucking stab this guy., Styles, and Sheik were like, we're going to have to fucking, like, stab this guy. Three, like, tough dudes from the streets were like, all right, we'll sacrifice you. You distract him.

You get the knife. All to try to kill one guy. Have you watched it since? No, I got to see it. You still haven't seen it? Oh, they call it poke. They go, we're going to poke him. We're going to poke him.

That's what they mean by stab. Like hit someone in the kidneys. So you poke them in the back, and I'll poke them in the front. I love it. I mean, but he's got to be the choice, right? Like if we're talking Hunger Games, I mean, I know he's maybe not the most cerebral guy, but he's a ferocious gorilla.

I'm going to check it right now. Like, I honestly don't know who would Massachusetts be. Best. I'm looking at athletic people from Massachusetts. Best athletes from Massachusetts is giving me Howie Long, Doug Flutie, Nancy Kerrigan, Patrick Ewing, Jeremy Rowland. Ewing from Mass? Apparently.

I didn't know that. Rocky Marciano from back in the day. Your boy Jim Craig, he'd be a good leader. Oh, John Cena's a Newberry boy, but he's not like, wait, Billy Gonzalez from Fall River, what up, kid? Chrissy Heron's probably in here. I was going to say, Chris Heron, if he's... Chrissy, I love Chrissy to fucking death.

And, I mean, if Chrissy can do what he did if he's uh chrissy i love chrissy to fucking death and i mean if chrissy can do what he did when he did it i'm taking chrissy chris heron either on or off you know what i mean whether he doesn't matter doesn't matter or maybe uh i would maybe take dana beers did you see him in high school 25 and 12 man he averaged oh why don't you say he did 12 and 10 is what he did. I just say whatever. Numbers go higher. 35 and 15. 42 and 20.

All right. So, yeah, tweet us whatever state you're in. Who would represent you guys in the Hunger Games? Now, it is funny, though, when his little caveat that the winner then makes all the decisions for the country afterwards if he wins. Oh, then even harder I choose Chris. Chris Herron. Imagine if it was down to the finals and it was Chris Herron versus Iron Mike Tyson and one of those guys was going to be running the football. But Chris is a genuinely awesome person.

So I'll take Chris. I personally know the guy. I'll take Chris every time. Every i personally know the guy i'll take chris every time every time all right interview time uh also it's so funny when when fucking iron mike just pretended to be sober for like 20 years yeah and he was like yeah but i'm not yeah what have you seen me no i'm not all right let's get into our interview today's interview is nikki glazer every time nikki comes through it's uh it's unbelievable it's some of the best podcasting we've ever done. Every interview she's in is great. It's brought to you by 3Chi. Either when you're listening to

the show with Nikki or when you go check out FBoy Island on HBO Max, pop a 3Chi. FBoy Island, it's like some of the guys are straight out of central casting you'll be laughing your ass off especially if you've gone off that three chi three chi just gets you high like your regular edibles or vapes it's a thc extract so it's got delta eight what you're used to when you're smoking the devil's leaf is delta nine which gives you the paranoia and the sluggishness and all the stuff that like you know stops you in your tracks and turns you to when you're stoned, you know, not anymore with the Delta eight, because you're, you're, you've got the euphoria and you're enjoying yourself,

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All right, let's do it. Nikki Glaser's back. What do you think about sober light, Nikki? What? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So you haven't heard about this. This is perfect timing that you just hit the weed because- Sober. Sober light. Yeah. I just hit the weed. Let's call it out. Let's judge me for it. Nikki's a pothead. She's a stoner.oner i am i like how you use the class so much shame around it that i'm trying to be honest but i don't like to do it on camera because it's like that just optically it just can fuck your life up and i don't know what it can do i know everyone does weed but does weed um i mean i just want but i don't have a problem saying that yeah

I just smoked weed because I don't like Feel I'm not like high I'm not like what you know It's just I feel like I don't want to Kill myself now That's a positive As a guest on a personal podcast But yeah I know I feel

No I love you guys I do this podcast too much I'm like Why am I on again? No, stop. Because you know what? Listen, I'm on a press tour. I'm a little exhausted. But you guys, I will always do your podcast because it's the only time I get to hang out with you both.

And you're both fun people. Thank you. You are always welcome here. We'd have you back once a week. Every time you're on here, it's fucking electric. We go down deep, dark places. I get the best responses from your listeners, too. They're all really nice.

Oh, yeah. Well, listen, anytime people – oh, are you being genuine or are you being very sarcastic? No, I'm serious. Oh, okay. There's always a couple people that say rude things, but overall, just really lovely, nice stuff. Okay. And I try not to read stuff ever, but they get in somehow. All right, well, that's good to hear because sometimes our fans can be assholes.

And anytime someone complains about it, I'm like, listen, whatever you get, I get that like 100,000 times more. So I get it. My fans are – our fans are worse to us than they are them. Don't lessen my pain with more of your – like, I hate that. I saw it on The Bachelorette last night so much, and I'm calling it out now. She was doing this to the guys. Women do it where it's like the guy would be like this is hard for me you know she's deciding between four guys at this point or three and they're like this is so hard for me and yeah she can say you signed up for this but you don't know

how you're gonna feel in those circumstances but she just goes how do you think i feel i have to break up and it was just like i don't care like, that might be true, but it doesn't just because yours is worse doesn't diminish mine. And I often, I do the same thing to people, but I just caught you doing it. And it's calling you out. It is the plight of all men, really, because all the shit that bothers us is, is comparably speaking, probably, you know, not as bad as some of the really bad things that there's always people starving in Africa.

There's people starving down the street from you, in the house next to you. Fidelberg's starving right now. He skipped lunch. I'm not starving. I ate three times already today. Okay, never mind. He's good. Oh, good.

Oh, God. Thank God. That's always my go-to. I just had a bunch of Doritos and cookies. I'm fine. No, but wait. Okay, let's back to Sober Light. You can always feel – someone's always doing worse.

Right. So Sober Light was an interview with The Weeknd. GQ. The first international cover of GQ star is The Weeknd. Okay, so The Weeknd is doing his thing. Is this new? Yeah. Yesterday, I think.

Maybe two days ago. And he was just opening up about – I think it said his relationship with drugs and with drugs and alcohol which i always think it's so weird it's like not your relationship whatever um and he said that he's sober light and that and what exactly does that entail again oh i thought you were talking about like an actual light no no be sober like can i buy this on amazon now that's an invention imagine that do you remember like remember when you were drunk in high school or whatever, or you're in a jam and you need to sober up, and you're eating bread and shit? You're like, someone call your dad who's a cop

and just put him on speakerphone. His energy, the tone of his voice would make me eat. Real fast. But if there was a light. My vision stopped spinning. If there was a ring light that's just like, you absorb it and you're sober, that's a good invention. Bezos, get on that one bro it's so hard to sober up when you are like the room is spinning

and you know so badly that you want to make it stop and that's why people drive with the one hand they're like smart enough to try to fix it you know one hand over their eye does that like have you ever seen double like i've never seen double i don't think i've seen a little cross because i'm an alcoholic i've seen double i don't know if i'm gonna let myself off that easily i think i might be on the bus with you but you know there's a lot of people that that don't you know every everyone wants to go oh i don't have a problem drinking because i don't black out i never blacked out or I never uh got busy I never fell and stuff you know it affects people in different ways it almost sucks sometimes when people can tolerate alcohol a lot more than someone else because it takes you longer to start seeing the

negative effects and usually it's so long that it's making your brain worse wet brain like people get the r word yeah went from drinking over many many years every night of their life and you know that was me i was on the way to that right i don't want to say who we're talking about but yeah heidelberg in the room um i uh no you you get you no you get stupider if you but there's yeah there's's long term effects that will show up Like no one's immune to it But I used to black out Did you guys black out?

Do you black out when you drink? Not regularly but it definitely But that's the thing I would Yeah we'll call a brown out sometimes I would drink enough though That I should have I think I just think that was something that I didn't really

Like I don't pee the bed I would be like hammered But I just don't pee the bed And I don't pee the bed. I would be like hammered, but I just don't pee the bed, and I don't really fully black out. I would definitely lose details. When you drink though, do you get to the point where you feel like out of control and then you look back and you are like, oh, I did things that were stupid? Like do you regret your behavior when you drink, Kevin? Me and Kevin are both actually on the same boat here with the exact opposite.

I just get very quiet. I am not like the guy who's going to jump on a bar or get in a fight. Oh, that's a scary kind of drunk. I don't want to fuck. I don't talk to people. What makes you want to do it then? I have fun until that point, until I have too much. It's not a thing that happens regularly.

Too much makes you shut down. That's good, though. Your body is like, you might say something something dumb why don't we go in the corner and just be quiet i think that's why i'm i i we're not trusting of people who have never at least tried alcohol because then you're like i'm scared of what will come out of me i know it's going to come out of me i've i've i've seen it too myself and it's listen and people always go i've i've been dating a little bit here and there and i was kind of getting to know this guy that he could only like make a move on me or kind of

touch me or like be romantic at all with me because we were friends when he was drinking and it was just like i didn't judge him because i'm like oh i can't wait till we're in a relationship and he has one drink and he's like all over. That'll be fun. But like I can't have a relationship start that way if this guy – the first time he tried to kiss me, I was like – even though I'm like dying to kiss this guy, I was like no, no, no, no because he was wasted. And I go try it when you're sober. Like do that when you're sober. But he didn't even – I don't think remembered me saying that. So he's like hammered, hammered. Yeah.

He was really, really drunk. If you need like a little liquid courage, that's one thing. But if you know, it wasn't like one drink, this guy was very drunk and I wasn't judging it. It was like at a party. I signed onto it. It was like six in the morning in a pool. Like we had stayed up way late.

Like I, he tried to kiss me. I was like hanging on his raft. We were talking about how we almost kissed one time before it was the stage was set to kiss there was nothing foolish about his move but i just need the first kiss to be someone to be coming from a guy who's like knows what he's doing fully because the thing is and i'm so glad i made that choice because later on that guy uh when we were you know hanging out and i think he was one drink in he was able to kind of like talk about what happened that night even though i wasn't i don't even care i just i used to drink a lot so i know that like it wasn't embarrassing and nothing

he did was embarrassing whatever so he brings it up one drink in he gets enough courage to like talk about needs to go he goes remember when i um accidentally uh when remember when i tried to accidentally kiss you at that party and i go that is why i didn't kiss you because if we would have kissed and then i would expect something up maybe us to kiss again when we were sober you would have said it was an accident. Accident, yeah, yeah, yeah. Even though when I turned you away for that kiss initially, you said that I go, you're drunk, and you said I tell the truth when I'm drunk. Classic. Which is it? Which is it? Do you tell the truth when you're drunk?

And this person's a good person. I actually really like him, and I was the same way of like, is the stuff that I do when I'm wasted what I really want to do? The eternal question, right? Drunk mind, sober heart? Or is it like your demons coming out? It can be both. Yeah.

But also that's – What alcohol does – Yeah. Sorry, just to complete my point. What alcohol does is it makes you stupider. That's what alcohol does. That's the poison alcohol to your brain. It just puts you in a trajectory of stupider as the night goes on.

So when you think of alcohol, this is the book I used to quit drinking. And one of the arguments was like, oh, it makes me feel brave and social. And I say things that I like was scared to say. It only does that because it makes you dumber. You know, like you have anxieties about not saying things and not doing things because it's protecting you from dying you know it's like your body protecting you from dying is like you get nerves so then you don't do that thing that might be detrimental sometimes we have too much of that but alcohol is not what it does is just makes you stupider it doesn't make you suddenly like brave it makes you like an idiot you know some people that a firefighter could run into a building or uh, I saw this video on Reddit of a guy running into a burning building.

The firefighters screaming at him, dude, what are you doing? What are you doing? And he's saving his dog. Now, if that guy would have died, he would have been an idiot. But because he was running into a burning building and got the dog, he's a hero. So which is it? Really? It is.

It was stupid of him. So kissing you is like running into the burning building to grab the dog. Yes, it's stupid. But it is true. I don't know what I'm in that. I'm the fire. You're the burning house. I think it's good if you think of it as brave if you made the move and you told the person you like them and whatever

but it's also like that might you also might be the asshole at the christmas party who's drunk and mouths off to the boss it's like sometimes it's good to not say certain things i've said wild things that i do not stand behind i've said i've loved people i didn't love that i literally hated i said the opposite of how i felt a lot of times when i get blackout and it's humiliating to see the things I've texted and said and but then there are some times that I've said what I really wanted to say however in the sober light of day I am humiliated that I told that person that thing and maybe we like hooked up and kissed but I'm not ready to be on that level with that person yet because

because I'm not right and then your sober self would intimacy it takes hanging out more it doesn't take one night of drinking where you force this thing that now suddenly the next time i see this guy he's gonna think we should kiss but i was i'm not i have to be drunk the next time i see him then oh god and then it creates this thing of anxiety yeah i mean all my relationships were me trying to get drunk so that i could suck their penis. I have all these things when I'm sober too though. Yeah, that's true. So like I've kissed and hooked up with people who I didn't want to when I was just sober. But that's because you're a huge pushover and you'll just get bullied into things.

Well, because you guys, it's horny enough. Well, yeah, the horny is a fact. Oh, well, that might be it. I've had someone like unbuttoning my pants, stone sober at like noon on a Sunday going, this is fucking dumb. Like just. Why, why? But why are you doing it?

Because you want a nut, right? No. Not him. He's really like he's one of the rare guys. I don't want to offend her. John, he is desperately like. Me and you are so the same. Oh, my God.

I've never met a guy that feels that way. But he's about that like sex. He's about that with everything where it's just like I don't want to be in an awkward situation and I don't want to like hurt your feelings or make you feel awkward. And it's not like

I will feel awkward for you. I will put it on me. I avoid I will not be in a room it's part of my act right now. I won't be in a room alone with a guy unless I've already resolved

like hooking up with him. Right. And like sucking his dick because I know that that's what they'll expect and like sucking his dick because i because i know that specifically we're talking about blowing the guy yeah so like honestly i don't even i because i can't even i won't kiss a guy let me just take the room thing out of it that's kind of an exaggeration but i won't kiss a guy unless i'm pretty sure i would suck his dick not that i'm going to right then but i have to be sure that i would at least do that because i because i feel

this need that if i kiss someone they get us i going to owe them the thing that's next, which is to get them to come. And blowjobs are the fastest way to do that. Don't invade my body as much as the other ones. That's crazy to me. Because I don't want that guy to be disappointed in me and then to maybe get offended and go, you don't want to suck my – you want to break up with me? Well, fuck you. I was only dating you to be nice. You're not even that hot. Or something like that. me and then to maybe get offended and go you don't want to suck my you want to break up with me well fuck you i was only dating you to be nice you're not even that hot or something like that like i'm so scared of the rejection yeah that would follow that even when i'm coming even when i tell the

stories i'm like i'm not like it almost sounds like like uh like pressured i am pressured but it's just by me like i i i never like put anything on them i don't put it on the guys either. Sometimes the guys do pressure you, and then that's when I go, what the fuck, and I easily can leave. And I've always been, but John, I really challenge you to, next time you don't want to do something, just literally, just because it's so hard. I had to start doing it because what I started feeling, and this is really

like sad to admit but when i started having sober sex and was more present for it and realizing i was i had to have sober sex with people because i already started relationships where we had drunk sex all the time so eventually you're gonna eventually have sober sex and i hated it i was like i don't i'm not attracted to this person. I don't, I like this person as a friend, but this is not hot to me at all. And I started to feel like when it would continue, I was like, I'm raping myself with this guy. Like I, me, I'm betraying the person in me that says, I don't want this because I'm scared of the reaction. And it felt like, it felt like then I would get mad at myself and at one point

I remember this guy we were like hooking up he's like my boyfriend and I just was disgusted by him for whatever reason like nothing gross about him

like it just was an energy I was just like over it and I just stopped him and I said get out of me that's all I could say which is the worst way to say it

oh my god if somebody said that to me I would probably which is the worst way to say it oh my god if somebody said that to me I would probably cry on the spot get out of I know he was very upset and I probably owe him an apology because it had nothing to do with him it was like I was just so scared of how much he loved me that it made me sick because I hated myself so much that he disgusted me in that way like he was too gentle like nurturing and loving you are this was me in 2000 this was before i this was um like a week before i quit drinking actually that happened that was one of the last straws and so yeah i it was 10 years ago i mean i don't feel that now i'm much better about it but i what i do still struggle with because even though i know i've

stopped so many guys in the middle of things being like you you need to leave. You're not doing enough for me to even consider blowing you and you keep going to this blowjob. Wait, why? You haven't even touched my pussy. Why would I ever suck your dick? You have no idea. That offends me.

That's when I get mad and I can stand up for myself. But John, just be like, you don't have to lie, but just be like, listen, I'm just really in my head right now, and it's just not working for me. It has nothing to do with you. Yeah, do that, John.

If she takes it personally, it's her fault because the truth is it has nothing to do with her. Nikki, you know what happens next once I fucking say that? Gay Reddit threads all over the place. I get it. I get it. But let's just say we're getting ahead of it right now right

like we know we're we'll come if that does happen if girls say oh my god I hooked up with them and then

you know you do run that risk of girls being so their egos being so bruised that they can attack you and call you gay

I've done it for guys that don't like me I go oh he's gay he must be gay if he doesn't want this like it's that's not even your problem either. It's such a low blow.

That was just a joke. I wouldn't care at all. No, it's not a joke. It's serious. Like, girls do feel that way when they get rejected. When they do, like, oh, you have a small penis or you're gay. It's like, oh, boy, we're going. It's actually – Taylor, Taylor back when she was problematic had that line.

She goes, you'll tell my friends I'm obsessive and crazy. That's fine. I'll tell mine you're gay. Ooh, Taylor. I didn't know she said that, had that line. She goes, you'll tell my friends I'm obsessive and crazy. That's fine. I'll tell mine you're gay. Ooh. Taylor. I didn't know she said that. That's surprising. Well, you know, that was Taylor 10 years ago.

Right. Everybody grows and evolves. I would say even more. She probably wouldn't write that lyric now. No. No fucking way. I feel the same way. Taylor's changed my perspective of relationships.

I used to – I love writing. Like I'm trying to become a singer songwriter right now. Like it's my new like secret mission on the, I'm like obsessed with it because I just realized like I, that's what I wanted to do the whole time. I just was like, got shamed about being a bad singer when I was in high school. And so I just like, was like, Oh, I guess I'll talk for a living. And it's worked out. But now I always related to her in the sense that like, Oh, I would talk about ex-boyfriends on stage. Guys don't even want to date me because no celebrities who value their privacy would ever consider dating me.

I was thinking about like, oh, my God, maybe I'll date a celebrity someday. I'm like, none of them would because they all are hiding parts of themselves that they wouldn't want me blabbing about on my next special. And then I realized that taylor swift we have not she wrote a whole album with scathing songs that have nothing to do with her the relationship she's in now they're based on you know romance novels she was reading or her friends lives she you can still create things and talk shit about guys on stage in a different way and not ever say anything bad about the person you love. So like I'm looking for the relationship that is going to be my Joseph Alwyn where I keep

it private and I don't put it all over Instagram and it's just for me. And it's not to get validation that I'm like cool or that I have a boyfriend and that I don't ever say anything mean about and I only like lift them up and make them feel like good and safe because I just never even knew that that kind of like love existed and now I've I've had a sense like a sense of it recently and I'm like oh shit like I'm gonna Taylor Swift eventually well I think that kind of love is like it's like I think of it as like bromance like guy love like we're the meanest to each other I'm like and I'm not mean right like I'm saying it's not love, but I'm busting your balls.

Those are the most healthy religions I've been in. I'll talk about my husband and what he does with his toothbrush or something. But in terms of being – I always know when a comedian is going to get divorced because of how they talk about their spouse and their act. I've seen it. I've predicted I think three or four where i go you can't come back from that he just said something about his wife that was so hateful like had hate in it you know disdain it makes sense because that's where you work that stuff out you know you can do it a little bit more metaphorically and obtusely in songs but in comedy stuff on the tonight show

you're saying that you wish your wife would have drowned on that trip or what you know like well like i know this was a huge problem not worth it when i was married like all the shit that i would all the jokes and the shit i would talk on the podcast were like relationship shit like it was almost hacky to be honest it was very like but it was why it was relatable because every other guy couple that had like a tough relationship was like oh i can relate to that it was never like specific things but i don't know it didn't fly at home and she wasn't happy about it so like that was that but yeah people have different boundaries with it yeah right it's like it doesn't matter i will like not i used to do i used to take out my anger on men on stage in ways that were vicious and that I wanted them to hear it and feel really sad and like hurt them because they had hurt me.

I don't think I've ever. I've told some stories that upset exes. I've never told a story about a current girlfriend. That was I don't think me. That's obviously my personal opinion, but I don't think I've told. I think usually I kind of now wait, funny, cute things, but I i've told old i feel like it's fair game once it's an old story but also there's a difference between if you like you said that they hurt you right or does it does that mean that like they hurt your feelings and broke your heart because they

just wanted to break up and move on or they like did something shitty because i think that's a difference if it's just like yo listen this isn't working and i break up with you and then you're like i'm going to murder you on stage it was the first one but it was done really sloppily and it happened on a dime where it was like it just changed overnight without any explanation however that's okay like you can't help how you feel i couldn't help that suddenly my boyfriend was disgusting to me and i said get out of me like you can't help if you suddenly have no feelings for me. And I used to take that so personally and be like, he could have controlled this. And it's like, you wasn't actually expressing, being able to express my feelings to them and what it was, which was like, I feel less than I feel rejected. I feel like I'm not as good as other girls. I feel dirty. I feel gross. I feel old. I feel ugly. I feel fat,

whatever. And I'm using this to my anger at you to mask all those feelings because what you just did validated to me and my twisted mind. So now you're the reason I am like, you're my only issue. If you wouldn't have done that, you're Eve, you fucked up my life. And now you, you're going to pay and you can't even understand my pain. So I'm going to try to just do it back to you.

I'm just going to hurt you because you, you don't even have the ability to understand it. And some guys don't, some of these circumstances, I could have told these guys listen this is how you made me feel and handle it in a way that was like tried to get them to empathize because i just would want guys to go i know that i what i did really hurt you like that's all i kind of wanted right right and maybe i could have gotten that from some of them and maybe not from some of them because some people aren't capable of feeling empathy for others. But still, that's on me.

It's not on them. I can't do this blame. I can still make fun of guys because it's funny, but no more of like I want to ruin your life and actually make you feel. I don't want to do anything that makes someone feel bad ever. I misunderstood because the stories I tell, I'm the butt of the joke.

It's never her. Oh, I used to make them it's oh no like like you beat me up in my own bed and then threw my own clothes out the window trying to kick me out of my apartment that's a funny story I know but you're revealing that someone is a little bit psychotic yeah that's a way to illustrate that you're not the butt of that joke she is no listen and that's not making fun of her that's just you're like the loser it happened to but I'm sitting there going oh that chick's a fucking fun of her. That's just feedback. You're like the loser it happened to, but I'm sitting there going, oh, that chick's a fucking crazy bitch.

Yeah, yeah. There are safe ways to go about it where you don't look like a bully. I've done it so many times. I wasn't a bully. I was unconscious in bed. No, you're not a bully. I'm saying that on stage.

This is my story to tell as a victim, Nikki. No, a lot of guys don't like to talk shit about women on stage because they go, I have a male friend who does stand up and he's always saying, you can do that joke. I can't. Cause you're a woman. And I'm like,

yes, you could. The thing is like, if you come at it from a human perspective of like, if you just, if you've been mistreated or abused by a woman, no woman is going to begrudge you being a little mad about that. I mean,

like, and if they do, they're so wrong. Like, well, I just feel like men shouldn't have their feelings shut off that's the last thing we want is men feeling shut off but yeah i know but we like like i think it's that's a little bit lazy to be like you could tell a joke i can't

but there's stuff you know or any time you're talking about race sex whatever where it's like could you imagine if a white person said that but That's my new goal is I do a joke. Anytime someone says you can't talk about that, I'm going in. I can talk about anything. The thing is I won't say the N-word ever. I could talk about the N-word because I could have my opinions as a dumb, white, privileged girl. That's a perspective on the N-word. Even if it's invalid, it's still a perspective.

Yeah, I can talk about it. I have a right to talk about whatever the fuck i want i hate you know and i do i want to hear myself talk about that word no am i going to probably not but you can't tell me i can't talk about something when when especially because because it's never happened to you or because you don't know someone with it whereas when you are able as a comedian to go on stage, you can talk about anything. If you're like, and I can say this because my brother's autistic. Or I can say this because I was raped. I called out on stage the other day. I was doing a rape chunk.

And I go, by the way, I wasn't raped. So if any of you are like, I realize it makes it a little bit weirder to listen to this. To me, make jokes in the subject of rape when I haven't been raped. But also think about the fact that if I told you I'd been raped, you would be happy. You'd go, oh, she's been raped. Okay, oh, good. I'm glad she's been raped so we can enjoy this. So why do I need to have been raped for you to have this information that I'm going to give you?

I know facts about rape that maybe rape victims don't know because I haven't been raped. I've been able to read this stuff and not be triggered by it. Like, I might have something to say about rape even if I haven't been raped or molested. And that's what bothers me. You come across, if you listen to a lot of your stuff

or the appearances you make or your act, you come across as pretty well-read, pretty well-informed. I read a third of every book. I don't read any more. every book i don't read that's more that's more than you know that's pretty much like one third more than most people read you know so like you so many non-fiction books it's just repeating the same thing and telling these stories

that the author puts in i'm just i don't want to read a forward who picks up a book and then it goes i actually want to read 20 pages from someone who didn't write this book. Right. No, I hate this. I know this guy cares about a lot. Read a forward map. Dude, I was trying to read Iceland's Bell. It's an Icelandic satire tale. First page, the map of all the cities you're going to know.

I don't need that. I'm out of here. If I need a key to – Too many Js and Vs and Zs. I actually tried to read it anyway and then I got to chapter 2 and they don't give you the half page break on each side it just goes right into chapter 2

I've earned a break we love a break but how much do you love when you're approaching the end of a chapter and like even when you were assigned it for like school you would have to read like chapter 11 through like 60 and then you get to page 60 and it would be one sentence and you're like that's more like the break was solid or how

about the fast forward two pages i'm about to read two pages and a half page chapters are a motherfucker too though when it was like you have to read you know three chapters tonight and like chapter two is you know six pages and out of nowhere chapter three is like 39 pages like oh what the fuck was that bullshit i hated that that's why i read on my phone and i make the font as big as possible because then i just read more little yeah and then i go little like it's like it's not so don't i can't see the future and how much i have to read i like that you don't know yeah that's how you should live life. You don't know what's next just right now. You're living in the present with your big fun. I live in the present.

On the page I'm on now. I try to at least. So everything we talked about, and the guys and the girls, it all kind of boils down to if you are a fuckboy or not a fuckboy or a fuckgirl, because those exist too.

And that's the new show out now, which, first of all, I love that you're doing you've been you've been on a tear hosting award shows and now tv shows on top of all the comedy i feel like you've been you kind of had like your big year i don't know you've had you've had you've been around for a while doing a lot of successful shit but i feel like this is one of your more like prolific times because you're putting out so much stuff it's and following the pandemic where for all of 2020 i lived with my parents in st louis i'm still living in st louis to have these opportunities

yeah it's been pretty sweet i hope it's uh it's just like if this is as good as it gets i am fine i really like loved simone biles not like doing the olympics because it taught me like how many more golds do you need like i've had so many gold medals in terms of my career where i'm like i nailed that thing that was very hard to achieve and took me a million years to even get to the point where i was considered for it and then i got it like f boy island is one of my gold medals it's like can i just have this many and do i have to keep getting new ones she also taught me the the ability to, like if Simone fucking Biles can train for four years, come back and then essentially cancel a show, it's kind of what she did.

If she can just say, never mind, you know, I'm like, I'm sick or I'm tired or I, you know, whatever. And I'm like, but I can't miss my podcast. Like if Simone Biles could just choose to miss the Olympics or if Bieber can cancel a world tour you can skip you know whatever it is you know so you can

you can turn that down you know you can cancel things I love that you said that because yeah you have the same thing I do I mean I think we all three have it of just like you have to keep you have to keep working because people might forget who you are you might not be able to prove that you're good enough and keep up with everyone else and um yeah her dropping out of that was or just yeah her essentially canceling a show even though she'd worked so hard it's like

sometimes um you can cancel like i was trying i was i'm kind of getting overwhelmed with my life right now and i was like at what point do i do i do i pull a simone biles and drop out and i was talking to my parents and they were like you have you gave your word you have to do the shows you give your word to and i go well when i get asked to add a second show in charlesteston six months out I don't oh I don't know that I'm going to be that F boy is going to be a success and I might be shooting a new season I don't know that this show I pitched might get picked up or not and then you get to six months and all of those things are happening plus a bunch of other shit and then you don't

really maybe want to do a second show in Charleston. And sometimes people might need to understand that. No, you got to do it. Well, guess what? Maybe that show in Charleston is the one show that makes me hit the wall. And I kill myself. Well,

I think my whole tour might get canceled. If I'm dead. Yeah. I think everyone might not make money off me anymore. If I kill myself. that's the other thing too, is the people who are, sometimes the people who are telling you, you got to keep going, not your parents, but

you got managers or whatever. Those are people that are lining their pockets because you're going. My parents care what my agents think. My parents care about me being a good, like a capitalist and like, and, and, and woman of my word. And I'm gonna like but i see my depression on a continuum of like the the stage the last stage is killing yourself like i'm i'm somewhere on it i've got the boarding you're on you're on that chapter you're almost on that chapter of the book i'm not gonna finish this book but i have that disease that can kill you that way if you don't take care of yourself and i don't think people seem to really understand that, and I don't even understand it sometimes. But yeah, that's not to say I've had suicidal ideations.

I have gotten Medicaid for them, and I'm on top of them. They don't come up for me unless I'm sleepless and not taking my meds. But they do come up, and I've never planned it. I have a joke in my act that I don't think I'll ever kill myself because I'd have to clean my room first because I'd be too embarrassed. They'd find you in a pile of laundry. Yes, I'd be too embarrassed, and I wouldn't want my mom to throw out my trash can and see how many protein bars I might have eaten on the toilet.

You know what I mean? It's just too indicative of a sad life. You've got to have a friend, though. I think we kind of had it more. Oh, you yeah yeah like that i think we had it more like if a home intruder ever my suicide can maybe make it easier the whole thing was just how i framed kevin for my murder but yeah like show up and uh get rid of any like sex toys or clear my internet browsing history or whatever. That's why I talk about it so much.

I'm like, if I tragically die and you find the box under my bed, you've already heard about this thing. You knew it was coming. Yeah, we know the kink.com. Which, by the way, we got a message from a stoolie saying the San Francisco Armory is available for lease right now. Oh, no. Imagine, how about you do a show and on your tour at the armory the kink armory oh my god imagine i would make it i'm really look i just did um

i'll be cool analysis podcast and he uh pays someone to dominate him a woman to like i don't know what he exactly does but he's a wild one yeah yeah he's awesome and so open and and bisexual and we were talking about all this stuff. I was like, yeah, I'm about to pay someone to do it. To do it or you want to do it to them? No, I don't want to do it. I want to be not beat up, but I want things done to me. I literally look at it like a tennis partner.

It might be something that I don't even want my husband to do because it's so like not sexual and I don't even want the guy that does it I don't it could be a girl it could be a guy I don't even care I want them to wear a mask I don't want to see them so it's it's almost like uh someone you're just getting a job done and has nothing I don't want them to like come so yeah I might pay someone to do it I don't want them to come wait let me ask you to go back to the original part of this conversation why is it so why do you think blow jobs are so much less than whatever lesson i think you said invasive but like i think like at least if you're given good head it's like you gotta work at it and it's a

mess and you don't really derive it you pregnant it doesn't there are some benefits yes hpv as much actually as much shout out michael douglas you can get you get that in your mouth for sure no it's because when a penis goes in your vagina you have feelings for a person that you don't want to feel because your brain thinks you're making a baby it's like your body does so you think biologically it's a hundred 100% true. I don't let guys in my vagina unless I think that they are... Okay, fine. So when you go down on a guy for that reason, like I'm not ready to have sex with you to put it in,

but I'll blow you, are you given a good blowjob? Or are you just like... I was just hooking up with someone and I wasn't letting them fuck me in the puss. And we just had all anal and and oral. That's all we did. Like every day we were hooking up every.

And I was like, this is a lot of anal sex. I was like judging myself about it. Like I was like, oh, what is that about? You're you're like the girl in high school says I'm a virgin, even though she's getting fucked in the ass every day. Because it's not because I don't because first of all, I don't even need something. Because that guy hasn't earned fucking me in the pussy yet. That is for my husband. This is so backwards.

It's for me. It's for everybody says. It's not for him. It's not me trying to control him. It's for me. It means something to me. I know, but it just makes sense to me. I don't want – they can finger me in that hole.

They can put other stuff in there, but no dick. Okay, but even that, even anal, let's say like some people enjoy it and so you're getting like a pleasure out of it. You get nothing out of giving head. Maybe you have like a fantasy about it so you enjoy it, but it's not like it physically stimulates your mouth. Right, I agree with you. So now you're doing work and you're a mess and he's still getting really what he wants and that's somehow like less of a thing

I know that your girls always say this they go but I like it better in my vagina than sucking a dick and I get that and it feels so much better but it doesn't just because it feels good doesn't mean that it's going to be right for you in the long run it just I have learned that when I fuck a guy too soon that doesn't love me i end up feeling sad i get more attached to

them than i would if i would have just sucked his dick and it's just something i want to say and how amazing will a penis in you feel if it's something that you haven't done with this person until you finally know that they're like sticking around and you can trust them sex will be so much better you've never even had sex like i've never had sex like that that's why i'm experimenting with this is to like that the time that i finally do will be so like magical and like there will it will be based on love and and trust and not just like this feels the best of course it feels the best but uh you know not to i mean i like anal just as much but the thing is here's here's where you can get pleasure girls if you don't want a penis in your vagina let him stick a dildo in there let him put a vibrator in there finger you like the hole is

not off limits yeah it's his mouth it's not off limits it's just don't put his dick in there because you gotta save one thing and i know and and a lot of people would tell me, I honestly think that I got attached to this person a little bit sexually despite this like holding off my puss. Because anal sex to me is like so fucking good that I think it's like the same oxytocin. It's like even more so. So I think it actually is maybe worse for me. I just have to like kind of know my body but then but then technically you're not withholding well i guess in his mind maybe he is i don't know i know that you are really enjoying it so i am i am you're

okay i'm saving myself up from something that i do want so but he you're not he's not though he feels like he's conquered whatever i got the mouth i got her ass it's not you. He feels like he's conquered whatever. I got the mouth. I got her ass. It's not. No, you, this guy is dying to fuck me. I guess it's kind of like whatever you hold back, right? I have never in my life experienced the amount of attention, love, and like intense desire that I have from this guy because I won't let him in my vagina. And it's not, that wasn't even an intention. I'm not doing it to like get that out of him.

It is, it's almost made me scared to ever let someone in because it's this person I have like dabbled with before and has been in my vagina before, years before. Oh wow, that's why he's really going.

He's like, what the fuck? I've already been there. And I keep saying to him, I go, why are you so obsessed? You've been there before. You've been there so many times. Like I just can't have you back here now. Yo, when I go to a bar I like, what the fuck? I've already been there. And I keep saying to him, I go, why are you so obsessed? You've been there before. You've been there so many times. Like, I just can't hang back here now. Yo, when I go to a bar I like, I want to keep going back.

Listen, if you told me right now I can't go to – Listen, you should have kept it around before. If you tell me right now that I can't – You should have the pandemic cook it down. No, no, no, no, no. The pandemic didn't take it away from you. The reason that you didn't keep going back to that bar when it was available was because you took it for granted. And you didn't understand how special it was and the bar let you in too soon without you earning to be able to go in that bar

because that bar is so special you gotta you gotta go in there and treat it with respect yeah i had a good fake id though you gotta give me a yelp review but i just want to say that to end my like crazy statement about anal sex because people always just think that's all i talk about but i was having it a lot hooking up with this guy because i wasn't doing the other stuff and it used to be a thing i would only do in a relationship for like special occasions or like when we felt like really kinky or whatever you know like once a month and this was becoming every day and i'm like i feel whorish about this i feel like this is there's something thrilling about that but it also feels like this is there's something thrilling about that but it also

feels like this is a little too much not that my asshole is going to like prolapse or something it's not like that at all because I know my asshole I've shit things that are like bigger than the biggest dick you've ever seen so shut up about your asshole is going to just like drop poop everywhere because you

get fucked twice in it like stop so so what i want to say though is as a woman you're supposed to feel dirty if you're having my friends have been like you have anal sex every day i'm like dude every day for like two weeks like i don't even know like what is that weird and they go i mean like oh i can't believe everyone just goes oh that i tell it to you and even me and then i go wait a second what do gay men in active sex relationships they're having anal sex every day and we're not going every day what a whore it's just the way you do it it's like shitting like literally when you shit that's like the

a big shit is the size of an average dick so you're getting dicks up your ass i can't tell just as much as i am turning on male listeners or turning them off i don't know i'm just making good sense i remember reading and this is obviously an extreme version this is not just regular anal sex i fucking forget her name but it was an anal porn star and she just very casually was like look i know'm going to wear a diaper when I'm 55. And I was like. Oh, boy. No, there are definitely girls that you see are in the prolapse world where that's like a talent that they can game. She's had too much for me, man. When I see the prolapse.

It's like when people gauge their ear holes. I'm like, what are you doing? This is a trend that can only help you for a couple of years. You better be getting paid. It comes back. There's a surgery for it. Janice Griffith have it. We're still talking porn stars.

But the... For your asshole, you can get surgery? No, I mean the gauge in the ears. Yes, there is. But why do that in the first place? I always thought that was so weird, but there are girls in porn, because I watch a lot of anal porn, sometimes you get one where they

prolapse and push it out and then suck it in and you're like, wait, they're trying to do this. This isn't – you've heard about it when it's a mistake and they have to do that. But these are girls that are getting huge things stuffed up their ass. They're getting pounded. I mean that's not something I'm ready for yet. Just give it six months. Keep your ass – I'm not even speaking.

You do whatever you want. But if I'm watching the porn, you keep your asshole in your stomach. Keep it inside, please. I don't need this. Keep your ass. I'm not even speaking. You do whatever you want. But if I'm watching a porn, you keep your asshole in your stomach. Keep it inside, please. I don't need this. Keep it inside. Once they start naming it, they're like, oh, there's a rosebud. I'm like, I don't fucking need this. And then when someone licks it, oh, God.

That's just people who have watched more porn than you. That's another continuum, you guys. That's scary, though. Think about how much. You would get there if you kept watching. I'm not kidding you. How much life do we have to go? Wherever you are now, you didn't think you were going to be.

When I was like 15, I wasn't watching speculums. And now look where we are. Speculums are like two years ago, you would have admitted that. You wouldn't have admitted that. Oh, no. Now it's so common. No, two years ago, we were ahead of the curve, but there are still things. Speculums seem weird, though. But the things

that I'm into, that's what's so fucking freaky. This is about to be a really sad fact I'm about to share with you, but it's just true, and it's on the same thing. So, okay. I'm, like, obsessed with I almost said I'm obsessed with child porn, but I'm obsessed with learning about

child sexual abuse because I just have nieces, nephews and I think maybe something must have happened to me as a child. I've heard you say this before. I'm just like obsessed with it, right? So I know all the facts and it's fucking disturbing. So this is the interesting thing that no one knows. And I learned this from Sam Harris' podcast

Making Sense. There's an episode called The Worst Epidemic and it tells you everything you need to know about this because no one's talking about it so everyone just thinks it's a problem but has no idea how big so um i believe the something like the statistic is like one in ten ten percent of americans on average are consuming child sex abuse images on a regular basis all right god damn it now that does not mean that's how many people are watching this stuff in the dark web that does not mean that those people are pedophiles a lot of people that do consume child sex abuse images are pedophiles of course

they're seeking it out they knew they were pedophiles from puberty that's when pedophiles know it's not something that happens later but a massive amount of the people that consume the 10% I'm talking about that consume tech child sex abuse images regularly are just guys generally who are into extreme porn. And the most extreme thing is that. And so it starts with it. That is just, that's the bot.

That's the end of that. If you go down that road ever no no no i i know you don't think that and i'm not saying that you could or would but i'm saying that there are people that are watching that on a regular basis that are not attracted to children and only ended up there because the beheading videos don't get them off anymore the fucking seeing women gang raped or whatever don't get them off and that is the worst thing you know people that love the extreme isn't that fascinating though that that's and that's made me more aware of my consumption now because i'm like i don't want to end up seeing any kind of abuse

and i've seen videos where i'm like that girl did not enjoy that i don't like that i enjoyed it yeah now this leads me to a question i was gonna to ask earlier when you were talking about your tennis partner who wears a mask. Are you scared that you're going to like that too much? And then you just fucking hightail off the highway and you go off that exit. No, because it seems to me like a hobby. I mean, what's the worst that could happen to the BDSM? But that isn't porn. It's my hobby right now.

Yeah, but I'm saying the end of yours can give you a world of that like i don't see myself because i like to get tied up how that ends up or tied up and whatever i don't see how that ends up bringing in children oh no no no no that's not what i'm saying i'm just saying like you can't fuck regular anymore like if every time you need it oh no no it's like it i totally look at it like um i like i like love making i like i like all different types of snacks it's a type of sex i like it's like food it's like going to a restaurant it's like oh my god i would love to get sushi tonight like it's it's not even like that i guess it's like it's like dessert and i'm not special sometimes if i want it then i'll get it. I don't know.

I don't feel like... But there is a part of me that thinks I will like it too much and won't want to stop. But I have enough money to invest in it and build myself a dungeon. I would just...

I would just like fucking lean in. You know what you'll do? You'll pull a Simone where it's like, I'm canceling this show because tonight I just got to get tied up again

in my dungeon and it will dominate your life. Just like, go make porn then and like, why wouldn't I do that? If I could stay in my dungeon, and it will dominate your life. Just go make porn then. Why wouldn't I do that? If I could stay in my own house, have a bunch of sex, do what I like to do anyway, monetize it. Nikki, how much money do you think you could legit make on an OnlyFans? Oh, millions.

I think you could make $10 million a week. Yeah, I'm not saying that because I'm famous. It's because it would be legitimate i'd be great i like i know this is not a brag i am really good at being like pornograph like i'm i like porn i'm good at like when i feel like a camera's on me i'm really really good i just turn i'm more comfortable like a with a camera on me And so I know that I'd be fantastic at porn. I know. So yeah, it's, but I could never do it.

I could never expose myself in that way. I'm just like too insecure. I would really, if I ever started going to sex parties or any of these things I want to do, I wouldn't want to be anonymous. I would wear a mask. I wouldn't want anyone to know they fucked Mickey Glazer. Are you going to sex parties?

No, but I'm definitely talking to my friends who i know with no ones that are happening that i would want to be invited to and i'm being like let's go together because you're famous no i would go to them i don't have anyone to go with i want to go with someone who i don't like who who is not wanting to try to fuck me like a friend. Go with Colin. What the fuck? Go with Andrew Colin. Oh, he doesn't want to go to sex parties.

I want to, and he gets like too horny. I don't like being around his horniness. I want to go with a friend who I don't feel uncomfortable with their horniness. And maybe I'd like to go with someone who maybe we have kind of a vibe, but like it, it wouldn't happen there, but like,

it's just kind of fun to watch each other feel a vibe or something. Like I've been asking around. This is the slippery slope though. This is like you will end up like. You end up, I don't know, like. Happy, pleased, content. Well, that is like every night you need to go to a sex party.

It would just be an inconvenience. It's not like it's a problem. It wouldn't be every night. You think and you say that, but it's just like, I don't know, eventually maybe that becomes commonplace. But anything else in your life that you get obsessed with? I mean, like, I right now am obsessed with guitar in a way that's taking from my life.

Like, I don't eat or sleep sometimes because I'm just wanting to play guitar and sing and do all this stuff. And it's kind of like becoming an addiction. But it's like, so what? It's like I'm getting really good at guitar. I'm, like, happy guitar i'm like happy when i'm doing it i have a detective of personality so i think i could probably guitar is different than getting fucked in a dungeon every night though no it's not because it's two things that

make me feel great but what i'm saying one one's easy to do one's a lot more of a production it's no no no not if you have it in your house to have sex if you have a lot of money and like it is to like set up your life and like and find someone to do it and have sex if you have a lot of money. It is to set up your life and find someone to do it, and especially if you can pay someone to do exactly what you like. Do you think that you knew this about yourself when you first started having sex or first started watching porn that you would – No. Yeah, you never really know, right?

No idea. When Asa Akira used to be our co-host, when she first started working at Barstool, we were doing a show with her. And she kind of, like, looked around the room and she said something like, I bet, like, one-third of the guys here like stuff in their ass. And we were like, get the fuck out of here. No way. We were younger, right? And then, like, she ended up working with us for a couple years.

She ended up moving on. Several years later, me and john are having a beer one day at the bar and just out of nowhere like it popped up and john just goes you know we owe asa a cure and apology and it was just a matter of i have i have i have formally reached out in a pod like you were right and that was the difference that was the difference between like 20 for me it was like 27 and 29 and whatever the ages was and it just like flips and they think it's gay gay men do not have something in their asshole

that you don't that makes it feel good it can feel good to anyone stop this but it was even funnier that it was like I knew things about myself but I was like but there's no way like that dude and that dude I'm looking at the room and then you realize yeah that dude and that dude any and all at the room and then you realize like yeah that dude and that dude like oh any and all of them it's a while i know i wish more people got into it but

i'm lucky that i love it so much like i feel there's the way i feel about anal sex it's like i'm i really feel like oh my god i'm so grateful that i enjoy that that much because it's it's such a different feeling and it's so fun and it's like and it's just i just there was a long time that i felt really ashamed of it and of course i still get embarrassed when there's like compilations of me talking about anal sex and it seems like that's all i do and i'm just trying to be like a cool sex girl that like makes every guy horny but i but i really am embarrassed about i mean it's embarrassing to like getting fucked up i mean i remember the first time i sat on a thing when i was like 10 and was like that

feels good like a railing at my friend's house and being like whoa that feels weird that that feels so good i can never feel that again and then and then i now i'm just like yes i'm so glad you know what i i think of it as like, if I was a chick who could do that and unleash that on guys, it's like a superpower to have. That's like if you like to work out in the morning. I'm always jealous of people who work out in the morning or people

like to eat healthy. They actually enjoy it. It's like this is a special thing that nobody else can handle. I can do that no problem. Yeah, I like salads. I would say that about myself. I mean, anal and liking salads have to, those things, you know, they're at odds. So I've been eating a lot less salads, but, uh, I, um, but yeah, I always am grateful. I'm like, Oh, I'm glad I like fruits and vegetables. Like that's such, it can easily not like it. Yeah. That is great. All right. Well, we can go on forever and ever. Forever. F-Boy Island.

You guys are the best. I asked you about this. You have to say F-Boy just because you would be saying fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck every two seconds? Because I thought on HBO you could say that. We had to fight to even be able to say F-Boy. Even on HBO? Dude, it was like – And you're making jokes about getting cum on your face.

I thought it was pretty – I know. That was to set the mood. I was just delivering those jokes just to break break the tension and like say outrageous stuff that we knew wouldn't make it you know like i was just trying to make the guys laugh and everyone get comfortable then they use that stuff and i'm like jesus okay yeah and then it totally kind of is a departure from the actual tone of the show which isn't too sexual and we're calling them f boys but i thought f boy was so stupid i was like oh my god this show's called f way i'm like it's funny but it's like god can't

we just call it fuck boy alan that's so much better like who cares there's nerd books at fucking hudson news at lax that say you know subtle art of not giving a fuck like right fuck is everywhere um and they were like actually we're getting pushback from about f boy we might not be able to do that and so i'm like most of this half of the season we've filmed it no from like network and okay you know like advertising associations you know like associate like you know they had certain advertisers that didn't like that word but it was only halfway through the season that we were like we got the f boy approved like we had to get get safeties for if the show wasn't called F-boy. And I felt so embarrassing. Wait, what was it going to be called?

There was literally no other options. I think that was one of the reasons we gave it to them because we didn't know where else to get them. Yeah. You could have done douchebag. You could have done rude boy, but you got to say it in Patois the whole time. Rude boy! The whole show gets canceled well i just said the f is uh for fragile because that's truly like what they all are but i felt so dumb saying f boy like at first i was like god this feels stupid to be

serious and being like welcome to f boy island of 12 of you are f boys 12 of you are nice guys but then after probably like five minutes of saying F-boy, I'm like, that's – it sounds normal now. And now it doesn't sound stupid. When you watch, it does. It's the same way. You get used to it. You are saying it a lot because it's like, which side do you want, F-boy, F-boy? So you hear it a lot.

Yes. And then it just kind of like becomes commonplace. But it is a fun show to watch. It's like a fun little game to play because – so as she said, these people come in. Twelve of them are admittedly – like I'm a nice guy, 12 of them admit they're a fuck boy, but you don't know. Which by the way,

a nice guy does have negative connotations now. Oh yeah. Well, I think that's what's interesting about this is you see which side of it. The nice guy is the guy who is nice until you reject him and then he says, you goddamn fucking bitch.

That's some promising young woman shit. That's like the premise of that. That can definitely happen and nice guys are a lot of, yes, I'm scared of a lot of nice guys rage that i see percolating like i'm like but yeah that's the thing these guys are only nice guys because they told us they were well that's that's also we're taking their word so they could

be f boys but we we the the i didn't do it but i i feel like they were you know vetted appropriately to figure out if they were really they lie to women or they don't lie to women. But we only took their word for it. There's no lie detector test or real test, though. It's fun to guess, though. So, like, when they reveal it, it's like, like, I'm watching the whole time. I'm like, that dude's definitely a fuckboy. Yes.

And I think I've been right so far. It's only been, I've only seen a couple episodes. Every Thursday, three come out, right? I got got. I got got a lot, dude. You didn't know until? I got, got, I got, got a lot. You didn't, you didn't know until. I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got when I knew it was an F boy. Like it was just so certain.

And I still thought he was going to like, like be different. You know, like I, I love F. I'm definitely someone who goes for F boys through and through. And, and it really is not, there's no gray area. You either are, you aren't, You either lie to women or you don't and you work on yourself and you like want to get better or you don't. It's like that's, it's either or.

And all these guys on the show, I mean, I gave the girls advice that I regret now because I thought these guys, I was like, there's no way that guy can fake cry. Like I go, he's not that good of an actor. If you can fake cry, that's, then you're great. I actor if you can fake cry that's then i go i saw that guy cry he does love you you know like i was that's a i'm paraphrasing but i i was in the end very tricked by uh by these guys and it's made me and i've gotten really i got tricked by an f

boy recently um in real life spring yeah in real life and it's fun when you watch though like the first couple episodes at least she one of the girls kicked off guys that I was like that's a nice guy and then he admits it and she's like fuck I read it out one of the good ones and it's so satisfying sometimes to watch so it's like a reality show but a game

within it where you're like making predictions they're not as attracted to the nice guys because no one is we like the F boys because they're exciting we we want to win their affection they're not giving it to us enough the nice guys are like ready to commit there's no fun in that so they're they're honestly fighting their what they're actually attracted to versus what they feel like they should go for and sometimes i that's my biggest issue i wish i was attracted to nice guys but you can't help who you're attracted to you just got to work on yourself until you actually

eventually are if i was on this island i would have won in 10 minutes i'll just rifle through everyone's fucking uh luggage found out who brought size for the boy shirts you're a you're a fuck boy f boys see you later you got a Barstool hat? You're out. All right. Well, so every Thursday through – Yeah, new episodes. F-Boy Island, baby. And it's three episodes. I got the Nikki Glaser podcast four days a week.

Oh, boy. You're doing work, girl. Dude, they didn't even ask me to do four days a week. I'm getting paid the same as if I would have done one hour, and I'm doing an hour and a half a day. I don't know what's wrong with me. I got to stand up to her. I'm doing a, you're doing literally 10 times the ask.

That's nuts. Yeah. 10 times the ask. And I'm doing a standup tour now. It's like 50 plus cities, uh, until I die. And all of this while just constantly getting fucked in the ass. It's unbelievable. I mean, Nikki Glaser, ladies and gentlemen, there for a while.

She's a hero. All right. Thanks Nikki. We appreciate it. She had it all. Thank you Nikki. Nikki Glaser, ladies and gentlemen. She's a hero. Alright, thanks, Nikki. We appreciate it. She had it all. Thank you, Nikki. Later, girl. Bye. Thank you. Alright, big shout out to Nikki Glaser. I mean, yeah, the girl just loves to... She loves getting fucked in her ass. Loves butt sex, man. She loves butt sex and

she really is, though. I kind of mentioned it on the show but she's absolutely killing the game, man. From TV hosting jobs to like hosting award shows she was hanging out with usher she's got it's one of those same people on the planet and she's been so for like oh you know she came up when she was like early 20s and like was doing the roasts and was on television she's battled through all sorts of like her own issues to just keep on blowing up. I think she's going to be, if not already, one of the most famous and successful comedians,

podcasters, hosts, whatever in the game. She's got it like that. Big thanks to Nikki. Now let's wrap things up with one last interview. A little double dip for you. It's Andy Milonakis from Old School MTV fame on KFC Radio. Let's talk to him.

Yo, what's up, dude? What's cooking, man? How are you, bro? Feeling. Looking fly as always, man. What's going on, man? Things good? Yeah, yeah. I'm chilling, man. I'm chilling. I'm in Greece

right now where my dad's from right right you got family out there are you out there frequently um i come usually every year but this this year because it was my first time in a while to get to travel because the pandemic instead of like a month i'm out here for three months just to kind of make up for lost time okay yeah you went you went you've gone full white girl instagram with it you got you got a lot of I'm out here for three months just to kind of make up for lost time. Okay. Yeah, you've gone full white girl Instagram with it. You've got a lot of fucking pictures out there. It's funny that you said that because I posted – I like Bo Burnham.

I posted a picture, and I literally said, shout out to Bo Burnham. This is some white girl Instagram shit. When you're out there in a place like that, you got to flaunt it, dude. You're lucky to have family out there and not in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, yeah. I definitely feel very lucky in that because not just because it's a beautiful place, but because of the culture and the people and just how they are. It's just totally, in a lot of ways, polar opposite to the USA. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Do you speak Greek or are you just mostly allowed to speak English? I'm not fluent at all, but I know I can speak enough to get by, you know. Get around. I mean, minus the last name, which obviously jumps out, I don't think many people would look at you and think Greek. Yeah, maybe not. I don't know.

Yeah. So yesterday we saw MTV uh 40th anniversary they decided to just run with 24 hours of ridiculousness literally nothing else aired except for uh ridiculousness which is their bread and butter uh i would i wouldn't mind sneaking a couple episodes of the annie milanaka show in there i feel like that was part of their history, if you ask me. Yeah, they don't care about history, though. They just care about money. Yeah, that's facts.

I actually also can't really fault them for that. If you offer me... If you're going to do a big anniversary or some shit, I don't know. I'd even call it out if you're gonna do like the a big anniversary or some shit it's like i don't know well i even like call it out if you're just gonna be like and we're gonna run a regular shit i didn't know that but that's really fucking lame but i mean you know like they got mtv has a lot of history if you're gonna call out a anniversary you might as well do some

shit with it rather than just fucking 24 hours rob Rob Dyrdek, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. How was that run for you? Was that like, uh, I mean, it was, it was, it's funny whenever I look back on these things, same thing with Jackass or some of the like, uh, very memorable shows. I feel like they felt longer than they really were. Um, it was like, what, 05 to 07, I think you read it was, I feel like that's, you know, mine was 04 to 07. Um, but, uh, what, 05 to 07, I think you read it was? I feel like that's, you know. Mine was 04 to 07. But, yeah, it was, like, totally dream come true shit

because it wasn't just, like, getting cast on a show. I got to do my own, like, weird humor. And Jimmy, you know, because it was jimmy that produced it um he gave me like some cool tips and he basically said i don't care what the producers or the director or anything are you know telling you if you don't think it's funny don't do it and fight for it so he kind of that's a dream come true yeah he gave me a pass to kind of just you know like fight for what i thought was good and make changes on the fly like a lot of times we were shooting stuff and the sketches were like you know they were thought out we had props and shit to them but like all of a

sudden i might think of like an alternative ending that would just put a better punch on it and like you know and i fought for it sometimes to be like yo we gotta do this as the ending is there's a way to over you know what is was there a lot of clashing because i feel like that was such weird humor at times that you know from your point of view and your brain you come up with you think it's hilarious i could see some hollywood suit who's used to like sitcoms and regular comedy being like what the fuck is this so so me and me and the director tom stern we we got along and he's a real oddball too and we saw eye to eye with a lot of the humor in it sometimes like i would bring stuff up in uh like meetings that i would just like be like yo i want

this i want that i want to like um i want this prop for this bit. Cause I think this would be better. And there'd be like, you know, you were supposed to talk about that stuff in the writers meeting. Not in this meeting. This meeting is not for that. And, and I would be like, I don't, I don't care what this means. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. I want it. Right. Right. And like, you know, I wasn't, like, there fucking, you know,

splashing water in people's faces being like, do what I say. It's my show. But I'm like, you know, I see your point. This might not be the most opportune time to, like, make changes to props or ideas. But I don't care because i i think it's gonna make it better and i feel like you gotta just fucking deal with me on that on that but it wasn't like always it didn't always happen but it happened sometimes and um even

though it was like my first my first show my first real thing um kimmel gave you know gave me a lot of confidence to kind of fight for what I thought was good. You know, Do you feel like you were a little bit ahead of your time with some of that, like that style of humor, that sense of humor? I feel like, you know, now I see so much of that kind of wacky stuff on, on social media. That's, you know, a little outside the box that at the time was, you know, not many people, if anybody at all was doing stuff like that.

Now everybody got a tiktok or an instagram or something that's doing similar type stuff in in some ways i do um you know um i think what i think what was ahead of the time more than the actual like oddball humor because you know oddball humor and kind of strange shit has been around for a while like people like andy kaufman and stuff like that old school snl um a lot of shit that i was inspired by but i think the stuff that was ahead of its time more than just like the overall kind of sense of humor of everything was kind of like the transition and quick bits the stuff that was like you know 15 30 second punchy comedy bits that now is so popular on like tiktok and before tiktok vine i feel like we did a long time before all that so yeah if i have any credit for

for short punchy shit at an early time it was probably that more than just like the overall this is an oddball type of humor and i was first because i don't think i was you know what i mean right right no for sure um and then i mean to to now still you know i guess what like 15 more than that years later uh we're doing king knight and like doing i mean the cast in this it's got some monster people alongside you so i i guess you know you've done a good job about that longevity and transitioning into some some major stuff as well. Yeah. I've talked a little bit on some other interviews, but basically, I there was a time where I was actually going out and auditioning, you know, every week, just, it was kind of soul sucking. It was like, it was in it was it was

auditioning for a lot of shit that I didn't even It was like, it was in, it was, it was auditioning for a lot of shit that I didn't even think was good or that I didn't think I was right for. And it was kind of soul sucking, but, um, you know, not being like, I, my dream is to be an actor. I'm going to be out there auditioning for, you know, decades. Um, then, you know, you can't expect if you're not going to really push it and go for it full time for shit just to fall on your lap, you know, but when it does, it's nice. And when it does also like King Knight, it kind of inspires me to want to do more. Now I have a limit, right? I have a limit, like, am I going to start going on cattle calls and go on every audition that i hate or shit that

i don't really want to do no but you know it might have been enough of a flame under my ass to like seek out more stuff and audition more and try to do more you had said that you kind of i saw a quote where you said like you regretted not going harder earlier on are you trying to make up for that or is that just like this is just kind of where it's at? Not really. I don't know if I don't know if I'll ever get to my full potential of like, you know, I'm the new me. I wake up every day. I work on a fucking script. I go to an audition. I write a fucking song. I'm like, you know, like, hey, don't fucking lose this opportunity. You know, I don't fucking lose this opportunity you know uh i don't know if i'll ever be like that i would like to be more like that but i you know realistically

you know even if i could just push myself to you know do 25 more than i normally do i think good things will happen and you know i feel like a lot like a lot of, a lot of stuff in life, like, yes, some shit I work hard for, you know, even though getting the show was kind of like a lot of luck involved when we had the actual show, I've had a million regular jobs. Doing that show was harder than I've ever worked in my life on anything. So I do think I could be a hard worker, but motivation has always been a thing for me when i'm not like when it's not like here you have a tv show you know sink or swim i'm gonna swim

but the real test is to fucking swim when you're just like out there by yourself and trying to fucking get you know get somewhere um yeah but i think in that quote too where you said you guys wanted to enjoy life like you said it was the hardest you worked it was like i think in that quote too where you said you guys wanted to enjoy life like you said it was the hardest you worked it was like i think there are so many people who just never stopped to smell the roses we're like yeah i fucking i had a great decade i don't like i didn't work there i i was very successful but also like i took time to enjoy my life 100 and if you told me i had to go either one way or the other, like be a fucking mega, mega hard worker and start getting crazy acting jobs and be like on top of the world and just be that workhorse and never kind of get to go on big trips and go travel around the world and do shit like that. Like, I'd rather be where I am now. But to be realistic with myself,

and I feel like I'm a pretty self-aware guy, I definitely phoned it in big time. I definitely could have worked harder in many, many situations. There are so many situations where I just kind of was like, I should try to write my own script, or I should fucking audition more. I should do this. And I know a lot of people struggle with this,

but just to be real about it. You're not alone, you know? Huh? You're not alone in that. I feel like a lot of people, if they're being honest with themselves, will admit that. You have to really be truthful to yourself.

Did you realize that later or did you know that like in the moment? No, I kind of knew while it was going on, but there's always this like hard to reach feeling of like doing something like writing a movie script. And sometimes people take like 10 years to try to get it made. And like just the act of sitting down and writing like a hundred pages it's so difficult and like learning the structures it's so difficult and maybe maybe i'll end up writing fucking 10 movies in the next 10 years you never you never fucking know right but what's

gonna drive me and what's gonna change in my life but um i whenever i felt like lack of motivation i would always be like look what can i do today can i pick up a video camera and make a silly ass video in the next two hours can i go to the recording studio and make a song in the next six hours stuff that i can actually accomplish you know pretty quickly i i wasn't lazy with that shit. I was just lazy with shit that was like in my head. I couldn't even think about the finish line where I'm just like, what am I doing? You know, sitting here like page one, you know, I feel like, do you think people are like surprised when they meet you or get to know you?

Like, I feel like you're a much more thoughtful, calmer, subdued. If you watch your material, you'd think that you'd be kind of off the fucking walls, but you just seem to be like, yeah, this is my job. This is what I do. I have my goals. I'm trying to accomplish them. It doesn't seem like the Andy Milonakis that people might expect they're going to get. Yeah.

Yeah. A lot of people expect me. They expect me to be like a crazy drugged out kid who's just like fucking going around like snorting fucking rails of cocaine and just being like drunk, belligerent weirdo in the fucking corner like, who's that guy? Oh, I like that. That's people's perception of me? I like that. That's people's perception of me. I like that.

I'm not what people expect me to be. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. And he makes making that type of humor, that type of weird shit, even more fun to me because it's so, you know, I mean, it comes from my brain. So it's part of me, but it's also not who i am you know it's just some creative shit that i like to do it doesn't really define my personality at all do you ever get people like in regular life i don't know trying to be trying to match that

weird level of your content and you're like dude just fucking relax we're just like at a party we're just at a fucking barbecue chill Chill out. Yeah, definitely, definitely. They're trying to be like, oh, I got to be the funny guy around Andy. So they just try weird shit. And I'm just like, bro, don't perform for me, man. I don't know you. Take my hand. Tell me your name.

We can talk about life a little bit. But don't perform for me, man. It's kind of weird. Has your age and appearance and that whole thing like when you were younger and people thought you were like a kid has that how has that has that been a benefit or a detriment in your as you get older in your career no not really i mean yeah people talk about it a lot so not not to diss you guys but like it's kind of it gets annoying because it's like the one thing people always say to me. So I'm kind of like, yeah, I get it.

I look young. But other than that, I mean, yeah, I think it's, you know, besides it being annoying when people like when that's the one thing people say to me, you know, overall, it's not really, you know, it's probably more good than bad. You know, I have a lot of friends that are like 28 and they're oh yeah that's what i mean like at some at some point it switches over where it's like all right maybe you used to make some jokes now you wish you were me they have fucking lines and crazy shit all over their face yeah man right um yeah i got i got a question about night king because i'm a big Matthew Craig Luger fan. I love Criminal Minds. And I had heard a story. I know in this movie he plays a high priest in a witch's coven.

And I had heard in Criminal Minds that he had written into his contract that he'd get a month off of October every year because he just loves Halloween so much. You just get to celebrate that. Is that like – does he talk about that extensively? It's one of the more fascinating things I've ever heard, where it's just like a CBS show is like, yeah, fine, you can just go for a month. And I don't know if it's really true what happened, but if you watch the show,

he is written off for an extended period of time every year. That's really cute of him. He's a very, very interesting and creative guy, and it makes a lot of sense. i i've been friends with them even before we did this movie he was the only person that i knew on the set because i became friends with him like maybe like five years before we didn't hang out all the time or anything but like you know we like you know we exchanged numbers we liked each other's shit and we became friends and um i remember on a on a on a virgin america flight i think we were going from la to new york or something

and i saw him boarding the plane and we already knew each other a little bit at that time and i was like hey what's up man he's like oh shit we're on the same plane and then we go to and then then i go to sit down and he's sitting right next to me we just happen and so not not to douche it up but this is part of the story we we we had first class seats right hey i mean it makes sense it's like i hope so no no this is important though because the flight attendant walked by me. And she was just like, you know, in Virgin America, they're a little bit more quirky, less like serious flight attendants. They're a little quirky. So she looked at me.

She goes, it must be nice because she's always sitting in first class. And I go, well, you know, you can you could my place and she goes really maybe i will and i thought she was just kind of joking but i'm like all right i go i'll help she actually pulled me out of my seat and she goes all right you're going to be giving snacks to the passengers and matthew shot up he was instantly envious of me and he was like i want to do it too he was like and you're getting to do this on an airplane i gotta be involved so i went to the back of the plane and you know people order the the snacks like through the touchscreen and they just told me which seat went to where, and we would just hand it out different like sandwiches and snacks to all the passengers for the flight.

If I wake up from like a nap on a plane, I ordered some peanuts. You guys show up. I'd be like, what the fuck is going on right now, man? I mean, how many times did you get that?

When you get that, you know, that shit doesn't really happen. Flight attendants are not going to walk around and hand snacks to the passengers. I feel like it's illegal or something. I feel like that's breaking the rules of the airwaves. There's something where you're like, they're going to get fired

if they let us do it. But they let us do it and it was like a cool little memorable thing that we got to do together. You guys bought first class tickets and ended up with a job. For real. And we loved it. We were happier We got a couple questions here From a card game that we put out

Called Answer the Internet It's just like the weirdest, wildest Hypothetical type questions So we'll hit you with a couple before you go What is the fiercest animal That you think you could take in a fight? Fiercest animal that you think you could take in a fight? Fierce animal. Hmm.

I think maybe, uh, not, not an orangutan, but maybe like one of those little monkeys, like a little spider monkey. Those little monkeys that fucking steal, steal all these villages in India and shit, they're like real dickish monkeys.

Yeah, bro, that monkey will steal your life. It's trained to be a criminal, dude. It's going to fucking rip your throat out and walk back with your heart in its hand. I'll kick that motherfucker in the head. His little fucking ping pong ball head. And being all aggressive with people and shit those monkeys are fucking assholes yeah they're assholes and they're tough as shit dude well this question i'm like maybe a cat that's like maybe i could get a cat like a swan crazy and say i'm gonna fucking kill a panther

or anything yeah i can't believe you first dropped an orangutan orangutan will beat your face in, Andy Milonakis. That's why I said a monkey is not an orangutan. Stop fucking mincing my words. If you were stuck inside any food, like a life-size bubble that you're stuck inside of, of any food, and you had to eat

your way out of it, what would it be? Some chick from only fans ass you want to be stuck inside the asshole of an only fans all right i don't have a problem with that one man uh last one here would you rather have free strippers for life or free pizza for life free pizza because i can get free strippers easy like pizza i have to pay for so wait you roll up in the club and strippers are just like oh my god it's annie milonakis let me throw my ass at that guy it was kind of a joke answer but you never know bro you never know with you. It was partially a joke. Not that I

go for strippers specifically, but I've had a couple good times. People are like, he pays for hookers. I'm like, only in Amsterdam.

It's just like you go to Japan and you get sushi you know you go to Amsterdam it's just part of the culture it's legal when in Rome man when in Rome alright brother well we appreciate the time the movie is King Night everybody go see it and thanks a lot for doing it man

have a good one right nice meeting y'all nice to meet you too well done Thank you. Bye.