KFC Radio - KFC Bought Wedding Clothes At a Walmart Ft. Mike Cannon & Brendan Sagalow and Mo Amer

Episode Date: March 22, 2022

- Our Boston Live show was a huge success - KFC and Feits went to a wedding and KFC had to buy his wedding fit from Walmart (this pictures are absolutely worth the watch on Youtube) - Kelly Keegs joins us to list out the Top 5 things about weddings, as well as nostalgic movies, The Other Line, looking like a vision at the wedding, and. much more - Video Voicemails including a caller who went on a first date at the KFC Radio live show in Boston - Interview with Mike Cannon and Brendan Sagalow - Interview with Mo Amer +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 0:00 - Live Show Recap 00:30:28:04 - Capt. Cons' wedding recap 00:54:25:20 - Kelly Keegs joins us 01:12:10:01 - Kelly Keegs + Top 5 Wedding stuff 01:45:06:22 - Video Voicemails 02:18:05:14 - Mike Cannon & Brendan Sagalow Interview 03:06:15:18 - Mo Amer Interview +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Roman: Go to https://barstool.link/Romankfc to get your first month of Swipes for just $5 when you choose a monthly plan. Simplisafe: Go to https://barstool.link/Simplisafekfc and claim a free indoor security camera plus 20% off with Interactive Monitoring Would: Shop Would at https://barstool.link/wouldBSS or at your local CVS. Schick: Find the razor for your unique style at https://barstool.link/SchickBSS Masterworks: Join Masterworks at https://barstool.link/MasterworksKFCYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. If this happened to you, I don't think- it would just be like John's, like, pulling it off somehow. I don't know why or how, but there are certain people- It's because I'm a fucking idiot. But, yeah, probably. Yeah, live your whole life as an idiot asshole, you can do dumb shit. Kinda.

It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network with our new presenting sponsor. As we wrap up the Blade Bet here, the final couple weeks of March, Schick. Schick saw what we were doing with the Blade Bet and jumped on board and said that they want to be the ones to shave off Feidelberg's face. They did say that it's only if I don't win. They want to make sure this beard stays put. I think that they want to prove that their beard can cut through

even the most disgusting of facial hair and free your face. By the way, we're going to talk about this more going forward, the cons of wedding this weekend. People came up to me during the wedding and being like, we thought you were going to shave. Yeah, well, they did because you said it best. You said, I look like Happy Gilmore's caddy right now.

Remember him when he was in the lake sudsing up? And usually, generally speaking, when people go to a nice event, they don't want to look like a homeless golfer, a golfer's homeless caddy. So, yeah, they probably thought you were going to shave because that would be the normal thing to do.

And instead, you just went looking like that. Yeah, you look like that. You look like Tom Hanks. You look like Forrest Gump when he was running. And when I beat you in the blade bet, everybody's super confident that John's going to win because he's got something up his sleeve. I don't know.

Whatever. He also thought he was going to get 10,000 subscribers for fucking homeless people. That bombed. That was incorrect. But when he loses, and if by some stroke of luck I lose, we will be shaving with Schick products.

I hear I prefer the uh the schick extreme three because it's got see this the flexes it really bends with your face so when you're going over the edges and my chiseled jaw you see my chiseled jaw here i i i here's the deal with this blade bet there's part of me that hopes i lose because i just want to know what i look like yeah i was thinking that too like well especially for you because we put up pictures of the last time we were at the Wilbur, and you were like baby face. It was six years for me. I went from like late 20s, early 30s to just like more 30s.

You went from like young to kind of old in that time period. Yeah, the 25 to post-30, you're going to be different. Also, by the way, doing the Wilbur 25, not that it was me, but it was us, like doing the Wilbur 25, it's like that's crazy. With no experience. And they went well. It wasn't like we bombed. I wonder if we went back and watched that, if we would be like,

oh, this was a terrible show. Yeah, I'm sure it was bad. But the fans loved it. We loved it. And your face was super clean shaven. And so I do kind of want to see if I could pull it off. I'm pretty sure I still got a fat enough face right here that it's not going to be great. But what I do know.

I'm using the hydrosensitive. That's my thing. That's what's going to reveal me in a nice way, I think. I think I'm going to have. Well, we're going to need to get the Schick clippers first. Even with five blades, you need like 25 blades to get through that thing. So we'll trim you up first with Schick

and then we'll hit you with the Hydra Sensitive when you lose. I think we'll be ugly in the end, but I do know the shave will feel smooth. I'm kind of like... Part of me is just like, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

Who knows? You're one of those guys that usually when you do dumb things, stupid haircuts, racing stripes, dumb outfits, you're just always kind of like, yeah. Well, I do think this, and I've said it before. I think I might have said it this weekend when people were yelling at me for not shaving for the wedding. A wedding I wasn't in.

Why do I have to shave? But people are like, why don't you shave. A wedding I wasn't in. Why do I have to shave for the – Yeah. But people would be like, why don't you shave? Well, I don't know. I do genuinely think – and we're lucky. We're blessed to be in the position we are in our job. Blessed, Jesus Christ, John. But we're lucky to be in the position we are.

And I think that it's boring to look the same. Sure. I think like literally who fucking cares. Yeah. Like it does not matter what I look like. Right. No one – I don't play for the Yan. Sure. I think like, okay. Literally who fucking cares? Yeah. Like it does. It does not matter what I look like. Right. No one's don't.

I don't, I don't play for the Yankees. I'm just, I just show up every day at work and I fucking do something. And yeah, let's make it fun. Sometimes it's a mustache. Sometimes it's a beard.

Yeah. Well, whatever. When you do shave it, make sure you shave like in stages so we can take a picture with this look and that look. Yeah. I mean like start with the goatee and then do the,

just the mustache. No, no. Cause I want to, I want to grow that on its Like start with the goatee and then do just the mustache. No, no, because I want to grow that on its own. I'll do it all. I don't fucking care. Start the next thing. There's no reason to not. It does not affect our place of business at all. Well, it'll just be you're ugly.

It'll be your fat if you have a fat face. I hope I'm not fat. I don't think you have a fat face. You never really had a fat face. That wasn't your thing. But you were young, so we don't know so uh if you're if you're thinking about shaving you know as a show of solidarity i want some of the chicken heads to shave along with us or if you have you know an adult job and you need to shave chic is uh the way to go right now you can get 20 off individual items at Schick.com with the code Barstool.

20% valid on men's items starting 3-21 until March 30th. So you got about a month to get your 20% off. One coupon redemption per customer. Offer not valid on women's individual items or on the shave and subscribe packages. So while supplies last, exclusions apply. Terms and conditions subject to change. Go to Schick.com and use promo code BARSTOOL to get 20% off your razors as we start to wind down the blade bet. And today is story time on the podcast presented by Schick.

It's the first time in a long time that we jammed a lot into this weekend and me and John were together for like 72 hours and we were partying. No arguments at all. We don't have arguments. Can't believe it. Ten years we've never had an argument. We've never had an argument. After one weekend, it wasn't.

But sometimes people are together for a weekend. We will never have an argument because we don't care. It actually is dangerous. What? How little we care because we don't care. It actually is. It's dangerous. What? How little we care? There's a problem. There's a real problem at how little we care. But it works.

It works. But I just wish I was a different person. I wish I was a different person. Professionally. I wish I cared about stuff. Yeah. No, but we don't. We almost had an argument with the driving.

Because I know you don't like when I say it, and you know I know you're a bad driver. I'm not a bad driver. You're just scared. Both true. Both true. I'm definitely scared. But also, also, let's have an argument now. The Mr. Joey did some, oh, Mr. Joey.

Mr. Joey. See, that's what I mean. When I'm doing that shit. But you stuck out an arm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he fucking went off the road. Yeah. Like. You i don't yes you do dude i didn't hit a rumble strip we hit a rumble strip bro but no no you were in the left lane you didn't have a chance to have a rumble no no no no there there's no way i was on the level of mr joey no no because i but

i do i play fast and loose and i'm texting full fucking novels and shit. I do all that. Mr. Joey is a paid guy. He was also left lane or right lane going 55 on the dot, probably because he doesn't want to get a ticket for the company or whatever. And then in doing that, I was like, whoa, Mr. Joey. We were real close. Okay, so where do we begin? Where do we begin?

So we had— Anyone, I would say, I mean— The outline of the weekend. All the way back to Friday, that's like— Yeah, the outline of the weekend was we had our shows at the Wilbur in Boston. Then we had Captain Collins' wedding, which was in Florida. So we had to get tickets one way to Florida, drive up to Boston, do our shows, and then get tickets one way down to Florida

and then fly back to New York. And so it's a lot of travel, a lot of moving parts, Airbnbs, transportation to and from airports. We had to do tickets. I mean, things that we're just bad at. I'm sorry.

If you fucking use Airbnb, you suck. Airbnb fucking sucks. And we'll have Jackie performing a presentation for us later on where we're going to rent an Airbnb for Nashville. But dude, if you use Airbnb for a weekend, which we just did, you're a fucking loser and an asshole. Fuck Airbnb. I fucking hate Airbnb.

I have a passionate fucking hatred for Airbnb. Why did you just tell me to book an Airbnb? It's a full week. A full week is different. Different story, I guess. We're there for a full week. A weekend? Just fucking stay in a hotel.

When I fucking, oh, god damn it. When I fucking have to strip my bed after an Airbnb, I am furious. Because no hotel has ever asked me to strip my goddamn fucking bed. But an Airbnb is like, why don't you throw this in the laundry for me? But why don't you fucking do it? What am I fucking paying you for? Why don't you do it? And then when we were there at 11,

like 11 o'clock was our checkout time. Dude, I stay in hotels until 4 p.m. I don't give a fucking shit. No one says anything. A maid tries to come in. I say, not right now. They go, it's not here. And that's it.

And then, but fucking this lady comes in and just starts strutting around the place. Like she owns the joint. Yeah, yeah. At 11 a.m. And I'm like, well, guess what? What are you? What, do you live here or something, lady? I haven't even showered yet.

I was planning on staying here until at least 1 p.m. I was a little nervous. I was like, check out at 11. And you were like, we're fine. I was like, I feel like. Because I was staying in a hotel like a normal, logical person. Yeah, no. Where you can stay wherever the fuck you want.

They live there. Airbnb, fuck Airbnb. Airbnb fucking sucks. I hate Airbnb with all of my goddamn heart. They're fucking scumbags. And it sucked. Like, I want to stay in someone else's house. Bro, your house fucking sucks.

We found. Let me stay here for free and I'll think about it. We stayed at a shitty house in the Florida ghetto. Bro, you had a mirror? They had a mirror, which I wish I took a picture of. They had a fucking mirror with a tiger on it. Yeah. Think about that.

There was a mirror with a tiger on it. They also had a big mural of Adam and God touching fingers. Both of those guys are fake. And then statues of those guys are fake. Statues of those arms next to it. They doubled down the whole life thing. Do you not understand what we're doing in the living room with this fucking thing? Here, we'll do another one.

We had to plan that and travel that. The amount of moving parts and everything lining up perfectly in order to pull this off was quite the trouble for us because we don't do a lot of this stuff. And we're getting to start the idea of touring. So we still don't know. I got to rent the car and we got to get the plane tickets and the hotel. So it's a lot of shit that we just

aren't really good at. On top of that, we have to perform two sold out shows that are more improvisation than anything else. So that's on my mind. And then we got to fly down to Florida and be there for our coworker and then get back home. And, uh, and so our journey begins, we drive up to, uh, Boston and, uh, we do our shows at the Wilbur, which were our best shows we've ever done. And I think the running theme here is that we say that about every show because we're learning how to do these live shows. But we've now kind of come up with a formula, if you will,

where it's like we can always do these segments and then we can just add whatever new segments are occurring in our life right now and then we'll conclude it with this. And it's a fun show. What professionals call it is a routine. Yeah, yeah. But it's not because it's like it'll always be a little different.

It's not like the same jokes. It's not a routine. It's like it's a framework. I think, and I can't speak for them. It's like A block, B block, C block. There were some people who stayed for both shows. I would think they would call them very different shows. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know for sure. There's like a couple repetitive things. I was getting comments on the gaming stuff yesterday where people were saying, like, you guys did a great job of making it different and new for each one. And even the ways that you told stories, you told it differently. Yeah, there were a handful of times. I would say both shows were an hour 10, probably call it, right?

I would say maybe 20 minutes we have are the same. Right. And even that we tried a little bit different. hour 10 probably call it right i would say maybe 20 minutes we have are the same right and and and even that we try a little bit different but yeah even that there's like the story about you throwing a shoe and then like the second time you did it just because like no one held the shoe up the first time yeah that guy i wouldn't have done it that guy was not like do it do it again right that man was housed so there was i guess i guess you know i'm not going to recap the whole show just shout out to the people who went there but um a couple of the stories from from that night apparently there was a gentleman who um came to the front row sat down the way the wilbur is there's like seats in the

theater but then the front rows are tables that you can sit down at he ordered he came up to this table that was front row sat sat down with these guys. He ended up ordering a round of tequila shots on one of their tabs. He doesn't know them. The tequila comes. They all rip the shot together with this stranger, which that part's not that weird.

At KFC Radio, people come solo, and a lot of people, it's almost like a little bit of like a, oh, we should do chicken con. Because I was going to say it's like chicken con but we should actually do that so not cock fest i do i we could do cock con cock con chicken con how about chicken con colon a real cock fest because everybody everybody laughed at that but i was like we should do that name that's

gonna be the thing because it is like a little convention for fans who are like, oh, I knew you on Twitter. Or like, oh, I've been listening to this for 10 years. So have you. Just say cock fest on them. Chicken fest. How about chicken fest? Chicken con. A real cock fest for our fans who have been like for our 10 year.

I mean, it's like a swingers party at that point. It's like an orgy for our 10 year orgy. Chicken fest. Chicken con. A real cock fest for a 10 year, I mean, it's like a swingers party at that point. It's like an orgy for our 10 year orgy chicken fest, chicken con, a real cock fest for a 10 year orgy. And so he does the shots and then just pukes on like the whole fucking table. Just, and that, and that was like,

that didn't even like, you would think of that happening in a show that somebody would, it would stop the show and it would be like, yo, look what just happened. That just barely even fucking, we didn't hear about that till afterwards yeah no once i heard about that i forgave travis scott i miss stuff too bro bro we, we had the pukers.

We had a first date in the show that you'll hear from voicemails later. We had two people actively cheating on their significant others in the crowd, openly talking about it. We had a kid who was at our last show at the Wilbur when he was 11 years old. Fast forward, it was his 17th birthday that day. He was there with his mom and dad. We sung happy birthday. We did shout outs to my kids.

We had a full-blown fucking spectacle. Oh, and the bagpiper. Let's talk about the bagpiper. Let's do it, yeah. The bagpiper. So we decided, we originally wanted to do, and we will do this eventually, we want the show to be like a spectacle.

We want it to be like a whole scene. And so originally we wanted acrobats. You heard John say the word acrobats like a thousand times the past few months. Turns out that acrobats are like several thousand dollars, and it's hard to really pull off. So we wanted acrobats and a bagpiper for St. Patrick's Day. The acrobats didn't exist. My idea behind it is this is the greatest show.

It's a circus-based thing. And that's our theme. I want to have a circus look to it. Carnies are expensive. Carnies are expensive. But we'll find some little carnies who are cheap and we can do some tossing of them and stuff. We're going to figure that out. So they weren't there for that one.

But we did hire a bagpiper. Her name is Piper Alley. Piper Alley. She's on TikTok and social media. She's awesome. But we decided. I think we got kind of mixed up because her thing is that she plays modern music through the bagpipes. My understanding was kind of that the music, the modern music would be playing and then she would be bagpiping over it, kind of jumping in and out with bagpipe solos while the track played. So for the first 30 minutes while everyone's filing in, you would be hearing Lil Nas X and Jack Harlow.

But she would be on the bagpipes like... A little bit lost in translation. She just went up there solo dolo and played the bagpipes. Now, I don't know about you guys, but when I hear just straight bagpipes, I think of funerals. Straight up funerals. The entire time, it felt like an NYPD cop got himself in the head.

So, Allie got her bagpipes out and she's just doing the thing where you slowly march. The pacing was really The pacing was very honest. Dude, I can't stress this enough. Ally's awesome. She's very nice. She's great.

She's great at the bagpipes too. It just wasn't the vibe. We fucked up. We did not. Yeah, we talked about it before. We fucked up. It was 30 straight minutes of just like while people were filing in. And I think she did some things things she yelled to the crowd can you guess what song this is and the seven o'clock show was kind of like yeah like cheer yeah ten

o'clock show was like fuck yeah so it was fine but what we've learned when we do our live shows is i'm always a little bit nervous about like just doing the podcast because i feel like you paid money and you came out and it's a nighttime event and I feel like I'm on stage where the comedians are and let's make them laugh. So I'm always trying to do a little bit more. But when we do that, we always get a little bit gimmicky or we try to do something that's a little out of the ordinary and we tend to not get all the kinks out.

And so we just had this girl playing the bagpipes for, like, put your phone put your, your phone on your timer right now and just do like a solid two minutes, right? Do two minutes and just think about like how long that is. And then think about like 30 minutes of bagpiping, of piping, bro. Just some piping. All right. But here's an idea.

So I was going to tell us you off air, but we're on air. So fuck it. Um, for Philly, right. Which is is our next show that's not sold out yet. In May. Yes. May 19th at the Fillmore. Get your tickets. So for Philly, let's take submissions for the opener.

Okay. It can be absolutely anything. What I would like to do is local acts would be cool. Whatever the vibe is in Philly. Philly rapper. Philly dancer. Anything. What's funny is we did have a DJ offer to play for free, but we already had Allie.

We had the piper. We already had the female lady. If you are a local act. Allie, again, I think it's not anti. Allie is awesome. Allie is like a hot bagpiping musician that is like booking gigs all over. It's not her. But if you want to do – if you have like an actor, a rapper, a singer, a dancer, an entertainer.

Literally anything. Stripper. It doesn't fucking matter. Ooh, we should do strippers on stage. Fine. At Philly. I feel like Philly's got like strippers. Tootsies.

Tootsies. Yeah, maybe that's just one thing I'm thinking of. But you get Drake over us. I feel like you guys both did that. Let me remember the name of this real quick. Tootsies? I've never been. I just know it from the Drake song.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm not anti it. I've been to strip clubs. I just haven't been to that one. Montreal is like a strip club city. I feel like Tootsies is just one place. But I think everywhere we go, we'll try to have the local vibe of the city. So we had 30 minutes of piping. but i think everywhere we go we'll try to have like the local vibe of the city um so we do uh

so we had 30 minutes of of piping um but well i can give way more way more um fuck you three times in 30 minutes fuck you like six times and so i mean both shows end up going off you know without a hitch like smooth as can be. The crowd was really – like shout out to Boston because – I cried the first – Did you? I did not cry. You got emotional, right?

Because the first opening for me means everything. And so I put this out there for if you're coming to our Philly show in June, we should be in Chicago. In April, we're going to be in Nashville. Like if you want it to be a good show, if you give us a good, uh, opening cheer, whatever you call that, I don't know. Welcome or reception, ovation, ovation, whatever we go, like our shows will be infinitely better because walking out there, you know,

John's more of like a demonstrator, like get up. I'm just kind of like, I don't know. I'm just walking to my seat. But the crowd in Boston went wild and I was like, let's fucking do this. Boston showed out, man. You came out high-stepping. I didn't know it was a... You went zero to 100, and it was electric. It was great.

That was just... The greatest show was playing, plus the bagpipes were playing. You were high-stepping. The crowd was going wild. We really put on a fucking show. What fell into my lap because what i really worry about we have our voicemails we have a couple segments that we always do but i'm always like how are we going to start the show like what story can i tell and um luckily prior to the show me and jackie went on a little excursion where um i decided i needed to i guess i guess they will have seen it by now right yeah yeah uh where i needed to uh make a video response to feidelberg's blade bet um infomercial sarah

mclaughlin thing and i had this idea to make the hurricane o'reilly's video which you now have seen if you haven't seen it yet go to the kfc radio youtube subscribe, and watch it. There's an old internet rumor that Feidelberg blew a guy in the bathroom at Hurricane O'Reilly's in Boston. Do you remember when I found out about this? No. When you found out about it? Yeah. It was during, like, Barstool Gold RIP.

That really good idea. It was during the Barstool Gold AMA for KFC Radio. Maybe it was just me. I don't know. It was definitely the old office. I was sitting in like a lounge chair.

Yep, I remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was like one of the questions that popped up was like, what's a Hurricane O'Reilly's? And I was like, I don't...

Just a bar? I was like, it's a good bar by the garden. And you were like, no, it's where you sucked a dick. Hurricane O'Reilly's

is the story. People say you blew a guy in the bathroom at Hurricane O'Reilly's. That's what the Reddit trolls say. It's actually one of my favorite running things. And I was like, wait, what? It's my favorite barstool rumor ever. Somebody on the Reddit page or wherever just made up that he went in the bathroom stall at Hurricane O'Reilly's. I believe at a March Madness event.

Was it March Madness? Or maybe Halloween. Which fucking sucks because here's the deal. Which fucking sucks because people think I sucked a guy's dick in the book. I don't even care about that. But what sucks is that Dave must read the Reddit. Oh, he thinks it. And then every fucking time we do an event in Boston, it's at Hurricane O'Reilly's.

So I have to go to the bathroom. Every time I go to the bathroom, I'm like, someone's going to ask me to suck their dick. This fucking sucks. And I wait in line because I'm a pussy. Like, we did it for, I think the last time was probably the Blues Brewing Stanley Cup run.

I would wait in line, too. Yeah, I'd wait in line. People would be like, what are you doing waiting in line? I wait in line I'm waiting for the right dick what the fuck do you think I'm doing here so I go to the bar which is now like Hurricane at the Garden it's a little bit revamped

but I wanted to make a video that was like well again if you saw it it was a video like investigative report I'm outside of Hurricane O'Reilly's where the internet thinks that John Feidelberg sucked a guy's dick so I filmed this little intro outside the bar and then I'm like, all right, let's go into the bathroom and film like the, you know, me being in the stall where Feidelberg blew this guy and Jackie's with me. And I don't know what it was

about me. And maybe it's because like you said, like you shouldn't be a pussy and like wait online. Maybe it was just because I was like, it's Hurricane O'Reilly's. It's Boston. We just sold out these shows. I'm from Barstool Sports. This is my bar. But I just walked in, Jackie behind me. Like, it ain't no thing. We're going to go right into the bathroom together and film this little story about dick sucking.

And it was open and people were there, but it wasn't like totally crowded. So we walk right in. There's a guy peeing. I walk back out. I'm like, wait, wait, Jackie, hang on. Wait, but it wasn't like totally crowded. So we walk right in. There's a guy peeing. I walk back out. I'm like, wait, wait, Jackie, hang on. Wait, I'm finished. He finishes up. I'm like, now we're good to go.

We start barging in. And right away, I'm like going into the stall. Jackie's behind me. And some guy like comes through the door and grabs her. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Out, out, out. Get out of here. And I don't even know why I had the confidence in the first place to just walk in.

And I certainly don't know why I had the confidence or thought that my reply was going to help the situation. But I go to him. No, no, no. It's fine, man. We're going to film it. It's like it's in a logical statement, but it's logical like i was what i was telling him it's like yeah she's not just a girl barging in the bathroom we're not just being idiots we we have we're doing something here there's there's a rhyme or reason to it but when a guy and a girl walk

into the bathroom of a bar together on saint patrick's day weekend on march madness weekend when everyone's fucked up and doing whatever they want and they walk in together and then your defense is we're also filming. He even said to us afterwards, he was like, you see how that could come across to us, don't you? Just a quick Patino tribute. Just a little.

Just a little. And then one guy comes back in and he says, like, what are you doing here? Did you contact anyone? And I'm like, no. And I was like, oh, wait, you should absolutely. When you're going to film in someone's bar, usually contact them.

And he goes, so what is it? And I go, well, and I decided to soften it a little. I go, well, there's a rumor about Barstool that one of our guys once hooked up in the bathroom here. And he goes, oh, well then you absolutely can't do this. Like the video is about fucking banging in our bathroom? Then definitely not. By the way, I've been in that bathroom.

It's changed, the bar, since back in the day. That new bathroom, you can't suck a dick in there. There's no dick sucking going on. The old one was lined up for it. The old one was good. So then we go out. We actually filmed with one of the fans. It was a Barstool fan sitting at an outdoor table.

He's in the video. But then we get back to the hotel, and I'm like, we need a shot of guys in the bathroom, almost like when they do dramatic recreations for the news scene. So I'm like, we'll just use the bathroom at the hotel. And we get back and I'm like, well, we need another guy. So let me call Pavs. And I call Pavs and I said, come on down, we're going to film something. And he shows up. I said, come to the bathroom in the lobby. And again, I don't know why my brain was not working and i was definitely not thoroughly

describing the situation at hand but i say to pavs we need to film a scene uh and my idea of the scene was just going to be the feet sticking out the bottom of the stall i didn't say that i just said to pavs we need to film a scene of a guy simulating a blowjob in the bathroom. I didn't say we just need the feet. I didn't say it's just going to be a quick shot. I said, we need to film a scene of a guy blowing in the bathroom. And Pabs just goes, puts his hand on his hip. He goes, oh, boy.

He goes, all right. All right. And I was just like, OK, cool okay cool again not thinking and then jackie's like oh wait oh wait do you think that you think that we're gonna like film you in there like blowing him and i was like no no we just need the feet dude and he was like oh oh okay i really Oh, okay. I really didn't want to suck it down. I mean, not a moment's hesitation. My man was ride or die. And I'll tell you that what we did film was, it's not like it wasn't degrading.

It was very demeaning and it was probably illegal. If we can splice it in. Yeah, we will. Oh, yeah. You give a bad blowjob. Arms down. I bet you he had bad posture. I bet his shoulders like this.

Dude, if I was going to fake a blowjob I'd fucking fake blowjobs all the time can we talk about that real quick real quick side note that's like the wave right now have you seen that little kids like what like 10 year

like 11 year old boys when they get on camera at sports games oh that's their thing now I mean I saw the one kid do it at the end of the tournament there was a second one of the tournament it's's their thing now. I saw the one kid do it at the end of the tournament.

There was a second one at the tournament. It's becoming their thing. And this one was... That's always been a thing. I don't know, man. This is like two 12-year-old boys going like this. That's not much of it. Maybe like a quick... I saw one... The same thing.

How you do a blowjob has changed. know their fault but 12 year olds know that shit now you know 12 year olds used to be like this is a blow job it's like only when you're really disrespecting them you pull through the cheek i don't like when the guys put it through the cheek i'm like that's stupid when they hit the cheek i'm like that's just that's not doing anything for anyone it's like sucking a dildo this isn't doing anything for either of us but the fact that 12 year olds now are like alright I'm on camera let me give some deep throat head

like blah blah okay whatever kids but so Pabst is there on his knees arms down at his side I put my fucking pants around my ankles and he's like alright are you done and then Jackie was laying on the floor to get underneath the legs

and she's like, get closer. Get closer. I can't get the shot. My pants are down. Pabst's face is in my dick. His hands are at his side. It was un-fucking-believable, all for like a two-second shot. Jackie actually didn't need any of that.

She was fine. She was fine. She didn't even have the phone out anymore. She was fine. I was like, yeah, closer. Afterwards, she goes, you didn't even bob your head, Mike. It was unreal, man man so we told that story at the show and obviously it was it was quite the scene um so then we finish our two live shows

um the 10 o'clock show was rowdy as fuck people were just hammered uh and then it's off to florida the next day we go to floriday of some delays and some poor planning by us. It wasn't poor planning. I don't think it was poor planning. I mean, we stayed right by Logan, so we didn't think. I mean, well, if we booked early enough, we probably could have got like a flight or something like that. We probably just should have got earlier flights. I think our flight was the right time.

Well, clearly almost not because we, you know, a couple of delays here and there, we barely made it. Well, but let me tell you something. It wasn't the right time because I ended up looking like a jackass. Well, hang the fuck on a second. Okay. It was the right time. You packed wrong. Well, I packed wrong, but also didn't leave any time to maybe make up for

the fact yeah you didn't leave any time to stop at a walmart well no we did so if you had packed we're fine yes correct so it's the right time flight i didn't i did but i mean i didn't giving like i did not expect you to not bring your clothes to need to hit the airport go home shower and go immediately to a to a wedding is not the right time it's because you need to build in time for like a couple things to go wrong or a flight to get delayed or some sort of issue i we were cutting it pretty fucking close i don't think you need to i think well that was i think that was first of all it was the right time because it got us there and we were on time it was i don't i i didn't predict

you were gonna forget shoes yeah so i left my shoes and my shirt in boston but we're not even there yet let's so it excuse me this is one of those things it sucks to like talk about because it really isn't interesting this is just a travel story this is how all traveling goes but we got there so we we stayed right by logan and we left at like nine for a 10 20 flight which is now we're like 8 45 and that's plenty of time for we i think we were six minutes away from logan yeah it was really close and and we got there, and the lines were insane, which, you know. Who expected that on a random Saturday? Saturday morning is not.

I guess maybe in Boston, St. Patrick's Day, people go there. I don't know. But they're leaving. That's what I mean, though. But Saturday is the parade day. Oh, well. But I don't know. Maybe if you came for Thursday.

I don't know. I don't know why there was, but there was a lot of people. The line was insane. And so we waited in line. I waited with Kevin, despite the fact that I have clear, because I'm a good person. And,

and no, but like, I actually, I think if you don't wait with someone, if you have pre-check or clear, I think you're a scumbag. I think, I probably,

I want to hang out with you. I'm your friend. But okay. I think if you're friends, out with you. I'm your friend. But okay. I think if you're friends, you should. If you are like, if you are like tangentially, if you're like coworkers. Yeah, no, fucking go through clear.

But like, where do you, where do you stop? Like would you, would you go with, uh, would you wait for bibs? No. No. I mean. No, fuck that guy. No, of course I would. But the. You just said no. Yeah, no fuck that guy no of course i would but the you just said no yeah no but like that was i i i would wait with but you know what i mean like you you reach a point where it's like if i if i went to the airport with you i'm waiting you're saying with you okay that's fair because

like i mean that's fair i agree the only person i want to talk to and also so what are you gonna go sit for unless it's like super super dire and you have to make sure you personally are there if you're in some sort of trouble of maybe not making the flight leaving that guy out to dry is fucked well i made it he didn't you know unless it's like you have to be there over that person but yeah so we're waiting on this fucking line and it's long as shit it's forever and then we finally get to like the front we're like literally like three four people four groups from putting our stuff on the the treadmill whatever it is we'll convey your belt and and it breaks so they put us all back in a new line and we same line it was like so now the two lines become the one line and we were already

up against it like at this point it's 9 40 and we got a 10 20 flight and we're like we're not making it we're not making it we're not making it we get through it finally probably 10 or kevin's bag gets fucking pulled aside i left because he left a water bottle in it but and and why it does tie in though is because i was thinking i'll get to the airport in time and there will be like a store where i can buy a pair of dress shoes yeah and a shirt now because of this there was no time for that so we get through and we go to our fucking gate and forgetting by the way forgetting a water bottle in your bag is one of the worst things that can happen to you

because i've done it a time or two before i was like what's in there what's in there particularly when you know sometimes you do drugs and you're like fuck what is in that goddamn bag right now right no you forgot the dasani i'm like well fucking throw it in the trash now. That's what I said. I was like, oh, just give it to me. He was like, do you want a bag? I was like, just give it to me. Why are you involving me in this situation? Fucking throw the water away and give it to me.

Either I'm going to jail or you let me through. One or the other, let's go. Well, boy, I'm not doing either, but fucking. But so we fucking, we finally get through. We get to our gate, which was C8, I believe, on JetBlue, which was awesome to be with Kevin to watch all the banners

if you've been to Terminal C at Logan it's all the Boston banners which by the way they get a little if you look

towards the end around 2018 all of a sudden we're sliding in women's lacrosse banners it's been a little light on the banner front in Boston

we do the Boston Cannons we get the Boston Pride a little women's hockey little bullshit lacrosse. We do the Boston Cannons. We get the Boston Pride. Little Women's Hockey. Bullshit. And then the Masters Pirates. Little bullshit. Literally never heard of. But shout out the champs.

So we get to C8. And then Kevin's taking a piss. I'm in line for C8. And I finally look up and realize that C8 is now going to New Orleans. You switched to C19. We have literally three minutes. Again, I know this actually isn't a good story at all. This is just a travel story, but I don't fucking care.

C19 was as far away as possible. We are literally sprinting. Home alone style. I have not run in... When was the last time I ran? Like nine months ago? It's probably been a year since I've run. Why did you run nine months ago? I don't know. When was the last time I ran? Like nine months ago? It's probably been a year since I've run. Why'd you run nine months ago?

I don't know. Probably running for a train or something. Like the only time I run, literally the only time I've run, maybe, yeah, maybe, like the last time I can really remember running is for a train in Grand Central. So like pre-pandemic. So probably two years ago I ran. It is. The last time I ran was multiple years ago.

I have not gone over like four miles an hour. Yeah, well, because, yeah. And I don't run either, but I didn't notice you stopped. I almost reached the point where I said, well, it's over. Well, that's why I did. My lungs were burning so bad that I was like, well, I don't care about this flight anymore. I was like, fuck you, Connor.

Fuck you, Connor. The only reason I did care is because I knew we had done that much so much and that's the fake story that's the story you tell as a lie we're like sorry I tried they moved the gate

the line was long you tell that story as a lie and I was like well this actually happened so I'm not going to tell the story and they'll obviously think I'm lying but it's what literally happened so I'm not going to do this without getting the god damn fucking credit for it

my lungs are burning, my heart's pumping my legs are sore that was the moment that I realized too I was like wait a minute because I was thinking to myself thank god I didn't pack heavy I just had one bag and I was like wait a minute

I don't have my other shit I don't have my shirt and my bag and my shoes that were all separate so that's the moment I realized that I don't have my other shit i don't have my shoe my shirt my bag and my shoes that were all separate so that's the reason that's that's the moment i realized that i don't have everything so now i'm thinking all right i'll just get it in florida and i think we're delayed getting out of there as well we get to florida i'm like maybe something in the airport of course not florida's all white trash and beaches so it's all like you can get bathing suits and flip-flops you can't get any fucking dress shoes not just business flip-flops. You can't get any fucking dress shoes. Not just bathing suits and flip-flops. They sell literal boats.

Yeah, you can buy a boat. I can't get a shirt, but I can get a fucking 40-foot boat. You can get a goddamn motherfucking boat at the Fort Myers Airport. You can't get a white button down. So then we get in our taxi. Whoa. And we meet this fella named Mr. Joey. Mr. Joey.

Who is like a 50-year-old Long Island man who's been living in Florida for the last 30 years. I said, listen, I got to get a pair of shoes and a shirt. He goes, I take care of you. You take care of me. Sound good? I was like, yeah, sounds great. And then proceeds to talk our fucking ears off about everything. About everything.

But my favorite thing Mr. Joey talked about, and this is how the woman at a taxi stand at an airport, you have to go check in basically to get a cab. This woman told me, she said, here's your card. Mr. Joey. Go see Mr. Joey. And I was like, I'm calling this guy Mr. Joey the whole time. And he's a nice guy

all that shit but what he said about first of all he clearly was like strong jaw the moment you saw him you were like he's a New York guy he lives in New York and he was talking

about doctors and this was my I don't know what he said oh yeah yeah And he was talking about doctors. And this was my... I don't know what he said. Oh, yeah, see? Oh, yeah, yeah, they're calling, yeah. So he fucking was talking about how he's 58. He's an old school Italian. He's a guy, he's a macho guy, right?

And he's like, yeah, you know, I haven't been to a doctor in about fucking eight years. Because they're trying to stuff up my ass. I don't fucking do that stuff. You're not giving me a colonoscopy. At one point he was saying like canopy. Colonoscopolicopy. He was so straight he can't pronounce colonoscopy. It's like something goes in your butt, I don't even know how to say it.

And then I... Your penopscotch is not going in my ass, okay, pal? I'm too straight to get... I'm too straight to find out if I got asshole cancer, okay? I'll just let it eat my colon alive and then I'm dead, but I'm straight. I kind of jokingly... Well, not kind of. I jokingly say some people pay extra for that.

But I was just trying to get him to say the F word. Yeah, only fucking tag it. So then Mr. Joey's driving us. And he says, we can go to a mall where there's like a JCPenney's and a Macy's and like department stores. And that's one. That's one stop after one exit after your stop. Or we can go to a Walmart. That's one exit before.

So John fucks me and says, we're going to Walmart. Bro, first of all, I didn't fuck you. You fucked yourself. No, you fucked. You fucked yourself by not bringing me close. I was going to go to Macy's. And you said, let's go to Walmart. And because you were right, we were in a rush and it was closer.

And the last thing I wanted was to like not get there in time. But we ended up with plenty of time and we could have gone to fucking Macy's. But we go to Walmart. We could have gone to Macy's. I just wanted a beer. I knew JCPenney didn't sell beers. See, you fucked me. And you did fuck me.

No, you fucked yourself. No, but you fucked. You wanted a fucking beer. And so you said the place that has beer. You fucked me. Put it out to a vote. Did John fuck me or not? i genuinely thought they would have it i thought that i do believe but but you if you put it this way i was gonna say macy's you said walmart and

then then so i definitely can't then say macy's because if macy's ends up being wrong and we're late you can say i was the one who said walmart so you fucked me because the real reason you said that was because you want a beer correct correct you you colonoscopied me but here like if you had told me beforehand that walmart just didn't have the right stuff i would have said jc penny right i genuinely thought they had the right stuff well boy were we wrong because and it makes sense because we're in a shitty part of Florida that probably has either fucking, uh, like meth heads or just beach bumps. So I'm looking for a pair of dress shoes and a dress shirt.

And this is what they have. You have to look on YouTube. By the way, I'm going to send pictures to everyone of Kevin at the wedding. Yeah. Um, it's only available on the YouTube subscribe now. Cause it's my day,

bitch. Um, and it is what Kevin looked like at the YouTube. Subscribe now because it's my day, bitch. And it is what Kevin looked like at the wedding is truly shocking stuff. Like, it's genuinely shocking.

First off, let's start with the shoes. The shoes are relatively fine. They look okay. No one's going to confuse them for a nice pair of Farragamos. The problem is they were 23.98 and they are made out of plastic i was wearing plastic fucking shoes at this wedding i actually i have those exact same shoes they were so uncomfortable i couldn't even believe it but these are fine whatever it was kind of a problem because i was wearing a blue a blue uh suit with

a brown belt when you were put together you looked fine but but was wearing a blue suit with a brown belt. When you were put together, you looked fine. But it was like I had brown belt, brown shoes is usually a thing, right? Right, right. So I was hoping for that. But this is what I had in mind. I just wanted to look good when it was all put together. So I need to get the dress shirt. And I find the dress clothes section of Walmart, which is no more than three hanger aisles,

if you will, of shirts. Look at his face as he looks at the pictures. I have sent the pictures to everybody. And this is the shirt. They had triple XL. They had one triple XL shirt and then one large. And I grabbed the large in a bag, all class. And I'm like, oh, good.

And it's fucking short sleeve. Dude, the fact that you took off your fucking blazer is unbelievable. So let me show you. I'm going to send another picture to you fuckers because I'm going to show you this picture. Would you send it to the group? Yeah. Okay. I'm going to send this picture because when I had the shirt and the tie and the jacket on, it just looked like I had a fucking.

Dude, I said when you put it together, you look great. I know the picture you're talking about. Yeah, that picture. You look fantastic. Why did you take your jacket off? Because it was 100 degrees. Too fucking bad. Too bad.

I was going to sweat through the hole. You leave that jacket on. I was going to. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Yes, it does. No. Yes, it does.

No, Kevin. Kevin, we have the pictures. You look like Billy Joe Armstrong from Green Day. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Yes, it does. No, Kevin. Kevin, we have the pictures. You look like Billy Joe Armstrong from Green Day. That's the best case fucking comparison. Oh, yeah, you look like a rock star? Shut up, Nick. It was either I look like that or you take me out of there in a fucking stretcher because I pass out. Then that's what you do.

The fact that you took off your jacket was shocking to me. Well, it was funny because John took off his jacket as soon as I took off my jacket. As soon as you did, I was off because I was going to leave. Yo, bro, I was going solid air. The real problem,

as soon as I took off, as soon as I took off the jacket. Look at that motherfucker! Well, that was, yeah, that was. Yo, that guy changed my goddamn fucking oil. That? The problem, what guy changed my goddamn fucking oil. That? The prop... What I should have done immediately there.

If you take... None of it's going to be good with the Dwight Schrute fucking shirt. But the tie should have come off immediately. No, I think tie-on is better. No. Because the tie-on makes it look like tie-off. I know you were saying that that night. The tie-on makes it look like...

You say tie-off? Tie-off is better. You got it. But you know what's funny? You know what is funny about all this shit? And this goes back to what I talk about that that night. Tie on makes it look like I'm a people. You say tie off? Tie off is better. You got it. But you know what's funny? You know what is funny about all this shit? And this goes back to what I talk about all the time. Like, if this happened to you, I don't think it would just be like John's like pulling it off somehow.

I don't know why or how, but there are certain people. Because I'm a fucking idiot. But yeah, probably. Yeah. Live your whole life as an idiot asshole. You could do dumb shit. Kind of. Kind of that.

But I'm telling you right now, if somehow next year, somehow next year, short sleeve button up shirts for formal wear will be in. And it'll just be like, that looks normal now. But I look like a goddamn dumb fucking preacher. I should be walking around with my Bible in my hand with my short sleeve button up fucking shirt and my plastic goddamn shoes from fucking Walmart. Kevin's wedding outfit cost like 60 bucks.

It was insane. Yo, when we went to Walmart, Kevin bought a shirt and shoes for the wedding. I bought two cases of beer. I bet I spent more money. Same price, man. And in hindsight, in hindsight,

based on some of our uh our other um co-workers outfits i should have just wore my fucking like you know t-shirt and my sneakers i definitely could have just rocked my moon man sneakers at that point um but i have never felt so uncomfortable in my life wearing this there There's nothing worse than being underdressed. I particularly, this is not underdressed, John. This is asshole dressed. But also, here's the thing, and I want you to hear this, please. Like, the only reason I ever thought about it, what you were wearing,

was because of the podcast. I guarantee you no, and I know it's like. The table made fun of me, but but yeah the rest of the people probably no one thought a fucking second but the whole time I was like crawling in my skin

and that's that's the and you know what's really crazy is if I had a regular long sleeve shirt on and I just rolled it up to like here

it'd be fine but here and with no rolls you look like a dumb asshole and the whole time and then like I'm sure people

didn't really think about it but I'm sure people were also just like yeah that guy looks like an asshole you know what I mean I don't if it think about it but I'm sure people were also just like yeah that guy looks like an asshole if it wasn't so hot I was going to leave that fucking jacket on and it would have been fine but also you don't want to be that kind of asshole with your jacket on

with the hat it's something this is the look right here this is what I mean though if fucking Jonah Hill stepped out in a hat and this people would be like, oh, flexing. But me, it's like you're a dumb dad. You're a loser. It was so funny, though.

Like in the moment, I was just like, well, you know, like everything else. It's like, well, we're going to turn this into a fucking positive. The podcast is done for the week. It was certainly never been any more uncomfortable in my whole fucking life. Sweating my face off in a Dwight Schrute shirt, looking like a Bible salesman preacher. It was just not a fashionable performance by your boy. It was not.

It was not. But it wasn't as bad as you think it is either. I hope so because I think everything's worse than it is. I'm probably the most hypercritical. Yeah, I mean, you look silly. At times, you look silly, but at other times, you look completely different. If it was an event where we didn't have

to dance and shit, I would have kept the jacket on all night. The crazy part, honestly, was not the shirt. It was not any of that. It was the fact that you carried around a sweat rag all night. Well, bro, at that point, it wasn't all night. It was late. You had a sweat rag with you a lot of the night.

It was once it was, I mean, listen, when I start sweating, I don't stop. Kevin just had a rag with him. I mean, you definitely look like a busboy. And he was just wiping sweat off his face. Where's all the sweat coming from? It was like when you're at the bar, like a bartender who's got it over his... Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, once I started...

It was insane. Well, listen, it's either like that or you're like cons where it's just like flooding. Go flooding. Go flooding. No, no. If the options are I have a sweat rag in my hand or flooding, go flooding. No, I'm not going flooding ever. Just have...

I had a little thing... You do... I don't understand why you sweat so much, bro. When I, once I start, it doesn't stop. I saw you at the,

like during the ceremony, I like saw you. I was like, Jesus Christ. So yeah, I mean, I, I looked like an absolute fucking idiot.

It was a great wedding. It was a great time. Uh, you know, it just felt like a complete fucking moron. We nailed that wedding. As, as the,

well, no, as the, as the work friends, we did that wedding as well as you can. We hit a couple of songs with the bride and groom on the floor. We did a picture with the groom. We checked every box you need to. I mean, we were in Florida for, I think, under 24 hours.

Right. In and out. Not too much. We checked every box. I don't like when non-family or close friends are like the spectacle of the show

so we were like in and out perfect we did it was absolutely not our scene it's actually awesome because like

few people go to a wedding where you're allowed to be background and it's kind of nice being like alright it's just our squad pick and choose our songs pick and choose our moments

we checked every box. Look, Collins and Owls can tell us if they have a complaint. Nah. But I think we still don't tell them. They were complaining about shit. And then in the end, we were delayed like hours and hours getting home. Oh, wait a second. I got something to bitch about.

On the flight down there. Okay. Flight down there was at 10 20 by the way we're gonna put both the shoes and the shirt on the kfc radio wall of fame here 10 20 a.m okay is what time our flight is we're sprinting to the airport board at 10 10 okay you land at 3 p.m give or take 249 maybe something like that so i'm on that plane from 10 a.m to 249 about five hours long time to be on a plane okay but the air time is only three hours and 15 minutes i believe maybe three hours and 20 minutes On JetBlue they will only sell you meals

if it's over 3 and a half hours. 3.15. So I was not on the plane long enough to buy a meal. It was again like 10am to 2pm. That's prime sandwich time. That's prime sandwich time.

That's when you fucking crush sandwiches. I was not allowed legally by the fucking American government. And you know they're sitting there. They're in the back, obviously. 3.15! I got 15 more minutes. I can't buy a sandwich. I'm starving.

Do you know how much money? First of all, the flight down there was about $1,000. It was crazy. It was insane. And then I wanted to buy a $14 sandwich. There was a time in America back in the day when flights just gave you a meal because you were flying during a meal like oh it's lunchtime here's they were just good hosts here's lunch it's dinner time here's dinner no nowadays

you have to buy your own meal which i'm fine with i'll fucking buy it i don't fucking care but let me buy it let me fucking buy it let him buy let. I had a lovely cheese cracker. I bought two protein packs and I bought a cheese pack. I spent about $70 on a goddamn JetBlue flight just hoping to catch a meal in me. Honestly, it was about $70. Spent $70. That's a nice steak. I'm so happy.

When they were like, no, you missed it by 10 minutes. I was like, eh. Dude, all I wanted to buy was a turkey and provolone sandwich. I don't even like provolone. I just wanted a fucking food. It was great just watching you be so happy. It was insane. How could you not just sell that to me? It was glorious.

Dude, back in the fucking day when America was America, you could smoke cigarettes. Cigarettes, yeah! You could smoke cigarettes and fuck a stewardess. You could smoke a cigarette on a plane, and they'd bring you a lobster. But now, I can't fucking buy a turkey and provolone sandwich

for $14, because my flight's only 3 hours and 20 minutes instead of three and a half hours. What are we talking about? What are we talking about? Let's do our top fives. We're going to bring in Kelly Keegs. Top five today brought to you by

3G. Kelly Keegs, you dabble in 3G? I do, actually. A lot. A lot more than you'd think. I think a lot. Fine, fine, fine. But what I want to ask you, because you are a person who, prior to 3G basically taking over the world

in my mind, you were smoking regular weed, right? Yes, I was. And I feel like there's some people who think like, nah, man, I do real weed. And it's like, dude, this shit gets the job done. It's just the same. If not. I do weed. And it's like, dude, this shit gets the job done. It's just the same. If not.

Yeah. It's not more. If not more. I'll tell you what. The 3G, I like the gummies a lot specifically to be chilling at my house. It's very relaxing. It just has you kind of hang in. I do recommend following the half a gummy.

Yeah. Following the half a gummy. The half a rule is important. And the cartridges are really good too. People are always like, they're thinking about the cartridges. Is it going to be good or whatever compared to the regular weed gummy. Half a rule is important. And the cartridges are really good too. People are always like, you know, they're thinking about the cartridges. Is it going to be good or whatever compared to the like regular weed ones. It's very smooth. It's very smooth.

The smoke is very vapey. It's very smooth. You don't need to like puff it all day long. Right. It's a good balance. This feels like, you know, in the Sunny episode when they do the Five Star Man episode? Yeah. When Mac lists one of the things he wants to talk about is creatine shits.

Because it shows I use the product. I'm not just talking about it. I'm a user of the product. That's why I feel like I'm sitting around right now. But the one thing I have not, I have not yet done the drink. Have you? I actually guess I did.

You did? Did you do the water? So they make one that you can just put in water with no flavor. They make like a flavorless. That's what I use. And then they make one that has like tangerine and pink lemonade where it's like, then you just have it. I haven't tried the flavored ones.

I put, this is a little something that I was just doing at my house. I put one of the flavorless ones into a big giant mug of really delicious hot chocolate. And I just, and I was really cold. And so it was this hot chocolate and me with this. And honestly, it made it frothier or something. It's not supposed to do anything to the drink,

but it made it a little thicker or something. And I just sipped it and then just time of my life. Because I was always thinking water is great because it's just like, I can just drink this and be high. I've tried it with the weather too, and it's fine. But doing it with a drink that you want to be high with, chilling out with, because that's what 3C does. It's got the Delta 8 extract from THC.

So it will get you that high, that euphoric feeling where you may be laughing and tingling a little bit. And then on the real side of things, it helps with anxiety. It helps with sleeplessness and chronic pain and all that stuff that you can get a prescription for marijuana for you can do with 3Chi without the prescription uh without any danger without any uh worry because you can order it online it's all legal it's all um safe and right now you can get five percent off when you use the promo code stool5 so that's 3chi.com stool5 get 5% off, and a free flag sticker. Oh. So S-T-O-O-L 5. A can of fan.

It's actually Russian, which is weird. Oh, damn. It seems pretty toned up. I don't know, guys. Maybe we should rethink the read. It is a free can of fan flag, not Russian. I like that. I like that.

Can of fan. I need a flag. I need some more flags in my life. All right, I'm going to use your promo. I need a flag. I also love the colors red, white, not Russian. I like that. I like that. Can a fan. I need a flag. I need some more flags in my life. All right, I'm going to use your promo. I also love the colors red, white, and blue. What does the logo for the other line look like? I don't think I've seen it yet. What is happening with this mic?

It's a good purple phone, right? Help me with this, will you? Purple and black? I was just doing this, and it wasn't doing anything. Yeah, you're right. It's like a blue. The background's kind of like space. It looks a little bit like space.

And the colors are like blues and purples. Space is so hot in the streets. I know. Space is hot in the streets. No, it's not. I don't know. I did it both ways. I think I'm alone.

What do we think? All right. I'll just hold it like this. Yeah. Yeah, so it's got little little bit of a space theme I wanted inspo was like Twilight Zone I very much have wanted

like a Twilight Zone you liked Twilight Zone? I love the Twilight Zone that's so funny huge fan of it Twilight Zone is such like a fucking nerdy dude thing I love the Twilight Zone

I guess Black Mirror kind of created well Black Mirror made it for everybody yeah Black Mirror is fantastic and I liked Black Mirror so much because it reminded me of the Twilight Zone

Twilight Zone is a thing oh so you went Twilight Zone before Black Mirror? since I was like a Mirror so much because it reminded me of the Twilight Zone. Twilight Zone is a thing. Oh, so you went to Twilight Zone before Black Mirror? Since I was a kid, yeah. That's weird. My dad loves it. My dad loves Twilight Zone

so every year on New Year's they do that 24-hour marathon or whatever so that was always on New Year's. No, no. Oh, I don't know. I think it's like sci-fi.

It's a nerd show. Yeah, sci-fi. I remember when I was a kid. I've seen every episode. I was probably like the first time I ever went to Disney. I remember the first time I went to Disney or the only time I went to Disney as a kid. I've seen like every episode. I was like probably like the first time I ever went to Disney. I remember the first time I went to Disney

or the only time I went to Disney as a child. Like we woke up and it was like a surprise. One of those bullshit surprises where like your parents woke you up and was like we already packed for you

and like we're taking the limo to Disney. Oh. It sounds like you're complaining about it. It sounds like one of those dumb ass fucking surprises.

Where your family gives you the trip of a lifetime as a child. It wasn't, you know, but it was, I was like, yeah, would have used this fucking four years ago. All of my friends have been talking about this at recess forever. And I've been sitting in the corner like, throw up my ass. Literally. Fair, fair, fair.

Yeah, literally. It was the librarian's address. It wasn't his address. Yeah, no, it was computer teacher. No, it wasn't. The computer teacher had to address it. You've been bringing up was computer teacher no it wasn't the computer teacher you've been bringing up that computer teacher

a lot lately he fucked me he fucked me I always get mixed up with the times John got raped boys and girls young old

it's a whole thing the point is I remember going on the Tower of Terror this is actually fun the Tower of Terror and being like I love the Tower of Terror

the intro and I was like this is too weird for me this is crazy that's Twilight Zone yeah This is actually fun. The Tower of Terror and being like I love the Tower of Terror. The intro and I was like this is too weird for me. This is crazy. That's Twilight Zone. Yeah. It's literally Twilight Zone.

I've ridden the Tower of Terror an obscene amount of times. I've been in Disney a good amount of times. Is that Bibbs' nickname? I went there. He'll like that actually.

I went when I was like seven years old with my parents. It rained the whole time we're there for three days uh my mom was pregnant with my brother they were miserable I had a great time yeah but it's like you know whatever I was like seven yeah and then I went back again as like a teenager with my friend whose parents were really into it and um we would stay for like a week at a time and do it right like we go to like two parks in one day and then two

parks the next day and just like really spread it day and just really spread it out and get to do everything. I think I rode Tower of Terror a thousand times. I love it. I love the intro. I remember hearing the story. It's spooky. The free fall.

Oh, that's a good one too. Rock and Roller Coaster. That's what it's called. I remember hearing the urban legend. Rock and Roller Coaster? Yeah, it's a great ride. I don't know if it's true or not.

The story of the girl who got her scalp ripped off. Oh, fuck. What was that at? I think it was Tower of... No way, it wouldn't be Tower of Terror. No? No, because Tower of Terror is just a free fall up and down.

You're basically sitting in a movie theater seat. Yeah, but I had always heard that she... No, that was Six Flags type deal. Disney Tower of Terror incidents. Let's see. We got a whole list of them. That'd be insane. Because there is a story about a free fall type thing.

Oh, yeah. I think I'm conflating Always Sunny. I think there was. That happens in real life. People, they tell you to tuck your ponytail in or whatever. Put your hair up. Oh, they do do that. Because you're free falling and he gets caught on something.

In 2008, a 41-year-old woman said her right leg became numb after the ride. That's the incident for Tower Terror? That's the first thing on Orlando. For Christ's sake. That sounds about right. A 62 Terror? That's the first thing on Orlando's head. That sounds about right. A 62-year-old man felt dizzy. One man reported neck pain. So a lot of these things that I heard. I mean, it's a free-fall elevator. That's the ride. Heart attack afterwards.

Oh my God. Sometimes your body just betrays you. You were sitting with your legs crossed. But there are people who get their heads ripped off. I used to wish I could unbuckle my seatbelt during the Tower of Terror ride. Why? Yeah, I love a free fall.

That's my favorite feeling. And you don't. I know, but I was like, it was one of those things as a kid, you have this, you know it's a bad idea, and you're like, I just have this urge to undo my seatbelt. Every time I was on it, all I wanted to do was just like. You were a terror. Yeah, for sure. Can't even imagine.

That's why I loved it. Kelly is a fucking. Yeah, I was a nightmare. I spent a lot of time in my room. You were one of those kids who held their fucking breath. Yeah. I'm going to kill myself. I can't have imagine raising Kelly as a fucking I spent a lot of time in my room you're one of those kids who held their fucking breath yeah I'm gonna kill myself I can't have this present

oh no don't pick me like that breathe Kelly breathe no I was giving I didn't even know

I bet you were a puker I was a puker I would sometimes puke I was a puker in the car you know why because I would read in the car all the time I was a big car

yeah I was a car reader and I would puke everywhere I remember we used to drive from my house to my grandma's house in Philly we were in Philly You know why? Because I would read in the car all the time. A lot of times. I was a big car reader. I would keep in the car a lot. I remember we used to drive from my house to my grandma's house in Philly. We were in Philly. She was in the Bronx. So back and forth a lot. There were times we'd pull up to the house, and I'd get out of the car.

I don't know why. I didn't just throw up outside, but I would run into the house and be like, Hi, Grandma. I'd kick it everywhere. It was the last leg. I would get car sick the whole time. Then her block was very pothole leg. I would get car sick the whole time. And then her block was very like pothole. Yeah, I got car sick.

I would also like when your parents tried to get you to eat something, I would eat it, but then I would puke it up. And I don't know if I was just being a dick on purpose. Was it just like a thing where like, you know what though? I'm kind of with you because I hated being told I had to eat something. My parents used to say, if I didn't like, I'm a slow eater. Like I'm still a very slow eater Unless I'm super high I just eat super slow And when I was younger

I would eat super slow My dad eats very fast Half the time My mom used to work at night mostly So she'd be at work My dad would be home He'd make dinner We'd eat

And then he would get up and go And I'd be like Alright can I leave the table And he'd be like No you have to finish your food You can't leave And it'd be fucking 8 o'clock I don't sit down

I stand while I eat Oh yeah As a kid and then yeah people say that keep your spell people say it but there's definitely

no science behind it I used to do it as a kid still kind of do it now my nanny always yells at me because she wants the kids to sit down and then I'm giving them a bad impression

yeah yeah yeah my mom does that my dad said he used to like push my shoulders down and then I would like he'd like let go and I would like pop back up

we're talking insane eating habits when I was a kid my he used to push my shoulders down, and then he'd let go, and I would pop back up. I mean, that's crazy. We're talking insane eating habits. When I was a kid, my grandparents used to say, I only got three bites. I only got three chews. That's how small your bites are. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Like, one bite, three chews, swallow. Yeah.

Not like you have to have the whole meal in three bites. No, no, no. You get three. Oh, I see. My grandfather was in the Navy, and I guess that's something they said in the Navy. I thought it was the opposite. Oh, I see. They tell you to chew 30 times.

Have you ever done that? No. They tell you to chew 30 times have you ever done that no they tell you to chew i think it's like 20 or 30 times whatever the number is do it next time you're having anything take a bite of your sandwich bite of whatever it's so 30 times it's it's like brushing for two minutes you feel like you're doing it for an eternity yeah you chew 30 times it's just it's like you have a milkshake sometimes you chew so long you don't even want it in your mouth anymore I'm like bleh although every time I do swallow anything at this point I feel like

what's the deal it's ulcers I just know that I know that it's ulcers for me it sounds like it's ulcers for you I think my shit is like it's stuck probably two things really quickly one that show I was just telling you about

the life and Beth Amy Schumer show which like people you know Amy Schumer whatever it's very good. Yeah, she is. Chrissy D's in it. You're right, Gary Goldman's in it. It's actually so good. It's like crashing. Except Chrissy D was the only

fucking loser to not get invited into crashing, but he did get the invite. How embarrassing. But so, this whole thing, it was really good. It was really funny, but the opening episode, she has this back pain or something going on with her stomach whatever so she goes to get it checked out and the doctor tells her she's not chewing enough they're like he's like you got to chew more like when you're eating like you're swallowing too yeah exactly and i did and i so i've been it's funny you say that today i literally have been thinking

about it that's one two can i tell a quick story about how I puked up a chocolate donut? Absolutely. I feel like I have had this story for a long time. I was like, I don't know, maybe eight or nine. I was like a kid. Oh, so 20 plus years ago. Yeah, I was like a kid. But for some reason, it's such a vivid memory in my brain. Kelly, it's only 15 years ago for Kelly. You're 31?

31, yeah. But it feels like, yeah, what do you mean? That was like 10 years ago. I thought it was this weekend that you were hungover. No, no, no, no, no. It's such a yeah, what do you mean? It was like 10 years ago. I thought it was this weekend that you hung over the ear. No, no, no, no, no. It's such a weird, vivid memory. So I was in the car with my dad going down my grandparents' house, which they live in Long Beach Island.

Year-round? Yeah, that's what they were. Wow. Yeah, I told you that. I forget everything. Yeah, that's why. So I was reading the Little Women books, like the Little Women series they made the movie about with Tim Timothy Chalmé, like, but there is a book series and each book,

uh, the second one is like Josephine. That's the one that Saoirse Ronan plays. So it's like a big deal, whatever. She's like a, a go getter bitch. Like she wants to, she doesn't want to be just like a woman at home. She wants to be a writer or whatever. So I'm getting all hype reading this book in the car. I'm eating a chocolate donut being like, yeah, I am woman. Hear me roar. Like I can do whatever i want and i'm sitting there and my dad's talking to me and i was reading for so long and so intensely that i looked up at the road and the movement of the road and realizing i was in the car i projectile vomited all over my book and the floor and then my dad in the car and then my dad

pulled over i was like so upset about my book because i puked all over it i was in the middle of it i couldn't even finish it i tried to wipe it off there was like still upset about my book because I puked all over it. I was in the middle of it. I couldn't even finish it. I tried to wipe it off. There was like still puke on the sides. But then my dad, we pulled over on the side of the highway and my dad just took the floor mat of the car and threw it in the woods. Absolutely. And he was like, ah, and he was all pissed off. And we got to my nanny's like, she puked in the car.

I had to throw the floor mat in the woods. I was, there are times I want to throw the kid out. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just like, put the baby out. He definitely wanted to throw me out that day. And I i did that a couple times like he had to throw away a lot of floor before i even had kids well my my throw-up story we stopped at a a uh rest stop on the turnpike doing one of those trips to philly and back and i ate a bowl of raisin bran and i just

threw it back up into the bowl like it wasn't even a mess it just went back in the bowl and my mom and dad were like so used to me being this like inconvenient puke machine she just took a napkin put it over it put like a $50 bill on the table and wrote like I'm sorry

and we just left but when I before I had kids I had what is wrong with you both psychopaths it's just it's anxiety man

I think it's just like it comes out of nowhere I've been puking and anxious I didn't do this shit until I was older I was carefree as a motherfucker no not even close I don't think I've been puking and anxious as I was fucking. I didn't do this shit until I was older. Yeah. I was carefree as a motherfucker. No, not even close. I don't think I've been carefree

a minute in my life. I was in the car with Duncan one holiday season when I was like, I got to go see my parents and then it was Caitlin's mom's side and then Caitlin's dad's side

and there was a fourth in there for some reason. So you were Vince Vaughn and it was working. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're driving around with Duncan because he was like

it was our first year with him I think and he is the worst in the car and he was puking in the back with me and I'm trying to like

hold him and help him and catch it on the poppy pads and then he went and he shook it off no and his like

Beethoven puke spit no landed on me. In my mouth. No stop. Stop. Stop. In my mouth.

And then I was like and I almost puked on the dog's puke. No that's too much. That was one of my worst. Beethoven reference. I always am talking about Beethoven.

I feel like nobody knows that. and it's like flying everywhere. Yeah. Do people know Beethoven? That makes me happy because I feel like that's a

damn fuck. Those movies were so good. You do? You know the Beethoven movies? Oh, my God, when Beethoven gets a girlfriend, when he has a little girlfriend with a, oh, my God. What's her name? Misty or Maisie?

Something like that. Maybe Misty might be right. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. But I just loved it. She had a bow. I almost like, I just like died. I loved it.

Loved that movie. Now that I'm a father, I'm thinking like, oh, my God, if that ever happened to me, like George's name, I think, I would kill like the dogs. A hundred if that ever happened to me, like George's name, I think, I would kill the dogs. A hundred percent, yeah. Oh, he died overnight. This bag got wrapped around his head somehow

and the dog's fucking dead. Yeah, that's right. I would suffocate the dog. Yeah, yeah. Missy. Missy. Oh, look at her little bow. Have you never even seen this

or you just don't remember? I know the movie, but I've never seen it. Stanley Tucci just a fucking evil motherfucker. Tucci's in it? Yeah. Tucci's the best.

He's like a henchman it's kind of like a 101 Dalmatians thing where they're like trying to kidnap the dog Tucci of Worth fame which is a nice movie we cannot talk about

Worth anymore John's been talking about 9-11 fucking insurance four episodes in a row I want to see how many episodes in a row I can mention Worth and naturally

like you're actually yeah that's crazy it's like six degrees look at these cutie babies oh my god I can't even tell you how obsessed I was

with these dogs remember Bryce was trying to like get boys and the little remember when the little girl falls in the fucking pool and almost drowns

the whole movie's great there's a lot of crazy it's a delight there's a hundred movies Beethoven's fourth? there's like I think like five I remember Beethoven's second

I didn't know there was four no there's a lot of them there might be there's either four or five when the dogs share an ice cream cone I't know there was four. No, there's a lot of them. There might be, there's either four or five. When the dogs share an ice cream cone. I do remember there was a straight to DVD fifth. That was always on. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, there you go. There it is. John Larroquette. How about that? Beethoven's looking for money? What do you mean John Larroquette? Why did you say that like that? Is that just a knockoff of Holt?

Who is he? It looks like a big. John Larroquette, he's like a weird actor. He also just wasn't in the beginning. He just dug in the ground and found some money. Oh, Beethoven. God, he just always gets good luck for that family. It's just a bunch of cash John Larrakin, he's like a weird actor. He also just wasn't in the beginning. He just dug in the ground and found some money. Oh, Beethoven. God, he just always gets good luck for that family. It's just a bunch of cash.

I know. What is that? That's outrageous. Bring up the Holes poster. It looks just like the Holes poster. Oh, have you ever seen that? I wonder. Beethoven's 5th was definitely before Holes.

They might be literally same year. Yeah, look at that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What year? What year? Are they the same year? Even the fucking actors, they're fine. The name's on top. top nick go back that's holes is oh three what was beethoven five it looked like oh one oh three same year same year same holes honestly this is this is on me

but holes has become a pornified word for me oh my god well holes holes holes add that to the list you're right words that porn has ruined that's tough it's the S on the end it's like holes like a hole whatever you tell me holes

it's like I'm thinking about someone I don't know I feel the opposite I feel like if I think hole I'm thinking I'll think more yeah I'll think more sex than holes can you google like

movie poster movie poster similarities while you do that and we're talking about Kelly being a whore, we were playing ATI in Florida, and one of the questions was, have you ever dated or been in a relationship with someone you had sex with on the first or second date? And she goes, oh, exclusively.

And then she goes, and also people that I didn't end up dating that I had sex with on the first or second date. And I was like, that means you had sex with everybody on the first or second date. Yeah, like it's just, well, here's the thing. I don't have sex with every single person I go sex with on the first, second date. That means you had sex with everybody on the first, second date. Here's the thing. I don't have sex with every single person I go on a first date with, but if I am into you, I'm probably going to have sex with you right away. I don't want to wait around. I said it. It's an important thing.

I'm with you. It's an important thing. If you're into me, I'll have sex with you. I probably won't like you, though. That makes sense. If you say you want to have sex with John, he almost does it out of obligation. Oh, wow. Look at that. Go you say you want to have sex with John, he almost does it out of obligation. Oh, wow. Look at that.

Go to the very top. Go to the beginning. There's 21 of them. And I think there's plenty that are just people just recycle movies. Look at that one. That's insane. That's nuts. And I'm sure it's probably because they-

Oh, wow. Inception, Geostorm. I wish they would throw up Day After Tomorrow. Wait, wait, wait. Go back to the top. Let's pick which one's a better movie every time. Yeah, okay. I'm going to go Savages.

Savages. I like it. Savages for sure. I like Savages. Winter's Bone is pretty good. I haven't seen either of those. Winter's Bone is good. This one I'm going with Geostorm.

Of course you would. I'm very much kidding. It's obviously Inception. Geostorm I think is like one of those, it's the lowest rated movie in the history of. It's a great Gerard Butler film. I love Ger much kidding. It's obviously insanity. Geostorm, I think, is one of those, it's the lowest rated movie in the history of... It's a great Gerard Butler film. I love Gerard Butler. John loves Gerard Butler.

I love him too. I love him so much. It was known as the box office curse. Is that true? No, that is fucking false. Have you seen Phantom of the Opera? What are you talking about? It's like all of his movies are box office bombs.

No, you're exactly right, but also what are you talking about? I've read the same article and it's just facts laid out but it's nonsense. All these things are supposed to be so hyped up and they do like $20 million.

You mean the ugly truth didn't crush it at the box office? All of them are. I watched that recently. That movie is problematic. Oh, Bright Time. So problematic.

Gerard Butler too. Gerard Butler, he should hide that off his resume forever because it is very problematic. No, he's good though. He's got that fall in money. What did Geostorm get politically? I don't know why I said that. That word just popped into

my brain. Why did I say politics? I don't even know. I meant to say Rotten Tomatoes and for some reason I said politics. 17%. Because politics have broken your brain. 17%. That's a little generous. That's like right on John's like... Yeah, you like showing that. Go back to the similar posters. Okay.

Yeah. I haven't seen. House on Haunted Hill. Haunted Hill for sure. Oh, no, no, no. Have you seen Identity? I don't. Maybe I haven't.

Identity is a amazing. A mystery. Cinematic masterpiece. It looks good. I'm intrigued by the poster. It's a psychological fucking masterpiece. I say no more. I think the Identity.

You should watch it tonight. The Identity poster is better than the House on Haunted Hill poster. You preach Identity a lot. A lot. Yeah. Yeah? I gotta watch it. It's one of the first movies I ever bootlegged. I burned it becauseorable. You preach identity a lot. A lot. Yeah? I gotta watch it. It's one of the first movies I ever bootlegged.

I burned it because I was like, I need to have this forever. How have I not seen it? That looks right up my alley. John Cusack, our boy. Shout out, John. I was just talking about John Cusack. I forget why. Disturbia.

Disturbia is fire. Disturbia is a crazy underrated movie. I love Disturbia. It's a really good movie. That's when Shia LaBeouf and I were like, oh, this guy can kind of do some things. That fucking what's his dick to? Who's the name? Is that Stone Skarsgård in that?

No. One of the Skarsgårds? No. I forget. When you say his name, when you see his face, you're like, that's a guy I know.

You know what, though? You know what? Disturbia. Have you guys ever seen One Hour Photo? Disturbia. One Hour Photo with Robin Williams? David Morse.

David Morse. Yeah. He's a real freak. Yeah, he's really scary in that. One hour photo is very creepy. That was, I think, the first time. I think it was the first time that I, I don't know if he did it back in the 70s or whatever,

but that was the first time he was a scary character. I was like, ooh, Aladdin. I love when comedians play, whatever. I feel like Robin Williams is good at it. Jim Carrey's pretty good at it. And I have yet to really. Crystal Lee. Crystal Lee.

Yeah, well, he's pulling from life, so it makes sense. Anyway, the whole reason we're having Kelly on here is to. We're 25 minutes.

I know, I know, I know. I was like, enough about fucking, we're just talking about movie posters. Look at that one, look at that one,

and look at that one, and look at that one. We are doing, we had a wedding this weekend that the three of us were at. Shout out to Captain Cons and Alex. They got married. Congrats. And Kelly did her new show, The Other Line, on Sling every Sunday at 8 o'clock live.

She did her wedding, best things about weddings, right? Yeah. So we're going to do it here. And you can, you can fairly overlap. You don't have to come up with new things. Perfect. So top five best things about a wedding.

I'm going to go first and I'm drafting Kelly Keegs at a wedding. Woo! Oh my God. Don't worry about it. You guys should have seen this, bitch. Don't worry about it.

You could. I mean, it was, she was a vision. I mean, you can make the argument that I, you guys are really you could make the argument that I sexually harassed Kelly Keys. Yeah. Like right away.

Wait, wait. Do you realize what the exact same time you said it? She goes, you guys were saying really nice things about those outfits. As you said, I sexually harassed them. Because that's what it was. You're being nice about it. It was all the guys being like, holy fuck. It was.

They were genuine compliments. Whenever I get genuine compliments, I'm like, wow, this is so nice. I feel like they're hard to come by. You're going to know the genuine compliments because they're a little sexually harassing. Yeah, that's true. I vividly remember the first. I was blow-drying my hair.

I was using Keegs' fucking thingy-ma-jingy. I don't know what it's called. It's like a comb blow-dryer. It's like a blow-out machine. It's really hard on the forearms. Girls got to fucking work that shit. My arms are tired all the time. No, well, when you have long hair, you pull it up, you blow it out.

It was a lot. But she came into the bathroom while I was using it, and I had to say something. It was like this emerald green backless with the jewelry choker necklace with the peacock uh diamondy heels it was probably the best like wedding outfit i think i've ever seen i think i was in a ripped t-shirt and underpants so so the two i was like i was like look man to man like i just gotta tell you like yeah fucking killing it thank you thank you so i would say and i would imagine that's not the first time that you've looked good

in a wedding dress gown situation. I'm a dress person. I'm a formal events I'm a black tie affair formal events person because it's just like I said this

when we were down there I'm not so comfortable in like going out clothes and like slutty stuff and whatever. I just feel silly but in those outfits I'm like oh no no

I know this looks nice it feels good and it's like whatever. You got like the model body the runway outfits, I'm like, oh no, no, I know this looks nice. It feels good. It's like the model body, the runway body type thing. And then, and then I don't know what you're doing on, on, on show night on the other line,

but you're on a hot street. That's all the lighting. Like today, you know what? Like you put me in any lighting. I have good lighting, bad lighting. I'm still like,

all right, the bags. We have a lot of lighting here. I'm hoping that it will wash me out. I've had people. I'm hoping it'll wash out my shit. Fans say you guys got to get lighting in your show. You'll look better.

I'm like. There's already a ton. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of lighting in here. I'm hoping it'll wash out my bags a little bit. Because I didn't do my eye patches today. Which is tough for me.

Yeah, but your bags are like better. My bag. You think? Yeah. They're just so puffy. They're better than they've been. I'm so tired. To be fair, I was up until five in the morning.

I've never once in my life I noticed a bag you talk about your bags all the time you don't have them you don't have bags at all which is such bullshit but also why don't I have it

I don't know your face is just full like you have a full face here your face is puffy yeah maybe a little puffy I was going to say that but I didn't want to say it all it is

it's thin skin yeah like my skin it's thin so that you can see there I could get filler up here that would like lift it up a little bit one it's it's very fucking expensive too i'm afraid to do it because people get filler fucked up all the time and also if like you're on a hot street and so i know i said i got all the lighting now if you hit a valley i'll let you know i'll be like kelly it's

yeah let me know let me know when it starts going but it now feels like pressure i haven't getting a lot of compliments and to be honest i've been for the show the lighting is good I got all new like face makeup to go with it because it's like you gotta wear a specific makeup otherwise you look

like a trash bag and I am spending a lot of time on my makeup so I'm like oh okay whatever but it's just you know

it's just a little bit of effort I guess it's a face filter it's a real life face filter yeah it's a real life face filter and it's it's doing me well

okay so what's your first oh but wait so yeah off of that I had so much fun picking on Alpha for this wedding. Cause it's the first time that I've been to a wedding in a long time where I got to just wear whatever I wanted.

I've been in a million weddings. Yeah. And so I'm always having to wear like whatever the bridesmaid's dress is. So this time I got to show out and I was like, Ooh, like this, this is my big time. So I really went all out.

You know what I appreciate about Kelly too? And maybe it's just because it's like objectively, even she knows she looks good, but like she took that picture in front of, did you see the picture she posted? Yeah, where was that? It was in the photo booth. It was in the like that photo thing.

Oh, right, but you did that alone? That was in the photo booth alone? And you went like Angelina Jolie and stuck your leg out. Yeah, yeah. And then she captioned it, rage. I don't even fucking know what that means. Because I was raging.

But I wish I had the fucking, the balls to, even if I took a picture that I know is good, I feel weird. I have to make fun of myself somehow or someone else has to post it. Kelly will just be like, or like a Taylor Swift quote or something.

Yeah, well, that's what you got to do. I don't overload it on the pictures because I'm very awkward taking pictures. I hate taking selfies. I don't like taking pictures. Thank you so much. I don't feel that. I don't feel that way.

So I usually, if I'm posting photos of my outfit or whatever, I either really like my outfit more than anything else or my face is far enough away that I'm not self-conscious about it or I'm a little drunk and I'm feeling confident. Yeah, when that comes out. But I post them sparingly. The sassy, like, yeah, rage. Like, fierce.

Or some shit like that. Yeah, that is the intention. So what's your pick then so then yeah dressing up yeah getting dressed up opportunity to dress up yeah

the way that you want yeah I'll go one is drinking and I was like no no no let me explain it's gonna look dumb on a graphic obviously

but there is a difference in wedding drinking where like when you go to a bar you just drink beers or you just drink your drink but when you go to a wedding you drink everything.

Yeah. I'll do a glass of wine. Sure. I'll do a beer. Like, you know, I'm in the mood for a whiskey. I'll do a dirty martini. And like,

you end up having every alcohol, every fucking, every alcohol imaginable you have at a wedding. Lurch was like, you were going to get drinks and I think you were getting

like a beer and Lurch got a, he was like, give me a martini. And then you're like, oh, you're doing a teeny? And he was like, yeah. And he goes, you should do a teeny. think you were getting like a beer and lurch got a it was like give me a martini and then you're like oh you're doing a teeny and he was like yeah and he goes you should do a teeny and you were like nah i'm gonna do beer and he goes you should get a teeny he goes okay one extra you drink everything yeah at a wedding yeah you'll have like four different drinks in front of you you'll have the wine you'll have the fucking liquor you'll have the beer you'll

have the water like it's take a sip and i put it down and then I'm like I can't remember which one's mine so much booze gets wasted it's crazy it's crazy it is and it doesn't make any sense because when you go to a bar

every alcohol every liquor is available you can change up all you want but for some reason at weddings well it's an open bar first of all

hopefully it's free you can get whatever you want but yeah you change up every drink dude I had a million separate drinks that week. I had everything. I touched every kind of alcohol.

The previous wedding I was at before this, the family paid pretty top dollar for the table wine. And then at the country club, employees were going around just dumping out the quarter and half bottles that were left. And I don't know. It left. And I don't know. It makes sense because I don't know how many of them were pork up and see. I mean, what else are they going to do with it?

But I think they were like several hundred dollars of bottles each. It's so insane. And the family was like, ah! Oh, my God. Fuck! They were like $300 bottles each. That just reminded me. My bestie that lives out in Northern California, her wedding was in the Napa area.

And she had- This is a genuine bestie, huh? She's like my best friend. That was an unironic bestie. that lives out in Northern California. Her wedding was in the Napa area and she, they had, she's like my best friend. That was an unironic bestie. No, no, she's my fucking bestie. That's my fucking bestie. I didn't see you say that

in a meeting. No, no, no. I'm talking to the CEO of the company. She's the only one. I know it's lame to be like, my bestie, but bestie has become

a thing people say all the time. Sarah Beth was my bestie like 10 years ago. Is she scared to death? We just call each other, Why don't you call her Sarah Bestie? No. By the way, we did some rascal flats this weekend. We had this whole conversation.

I brought up Sarah Beth and she's scared to death. I said she literally fucking hates when people do that. This cancer bitch. Yeah, yeah. But so I was out there for her wedding, whatever. And where she had the ceremony and the reception was at this massive mansion that they rented for the weekend. So instead of doing a regular venue, it was also on the like end of COVID, like it was funny. So they, it was like to get around it, they just got this huge mansion.

And so the wedding was there, but then they had it for a couple extra days. And so we stayed and they had all the leftover wedding wine. And they're like, we bought all this wine. Like there's nothing we can do about it. It was just like tons and tons of wine. They're like, we got to get rid of it and whatever and so we all got like drunk by the pool all day and then we did our own like drunk wine tasting later on

and we were all we like set it all up and did our own thing and just like I mean I've the next day I've never been more home over my entire life but like it was

that is the problem with drinking it was really really fun and it was just like we didn't feel bad about like you know if we didn't finish it or we're sipping it or whatever it was just like you know we didn't want to waste it

just drowning literally I'm gonna go by the way what very like symbolic picks We're sipping it or whatever. It was just like, you know, we didn't want to waste it. Just drowning, literally. I'm going to go. By the way, what very, like, symbolic picks? You went with booze. You went with your fits. I went with pretty girls. Oh, do we all have addictions?

Yeah. I'm going to go with Shout Shout you like the Shout I love Shout I didn't think it was going to get played I know me neither

very last second to last because then they did like an encore yeah it was a little late I understand the idea with having it be your closer

but we've discussed this before a couple months ago we kind of had this debate about like I'd say like 85% of the way

through the wedding is the time I was going to say three quarters yeah I think a little bit beyond I'd say like 85% of the way through the wedding is the time. I was going to say three quarters. Yeah. I think a little bit beyond three quarters. Cause like a quarter of the way to go is still a lot to go. But I think around that area is when everyone's fucked up and really dancing and you know,

and it's like, you know, the, the last few songs will be like fine, maybe even a slow song mixed in. So you can pretty much leave it all on the floor. I think they played one slow song at that wedding. Like,

I know two you know two okay I can only remember we didn't do any of the slow dance and we always like drank and smoked which was sick

even hearing it I barely remembered I said this to my parents when we were talking about the wedding like it's dope going to a wedding where you're not

like every wedding I go to I'm either in it or it's my family you're just free to do whatever we're back table that's sick dude that's awesome it was nice it was very low pressure Every wedding I go to, I'm either in it or it's my family. You're just free to do whatever. We're at the back table. Dude, that's awesome. It was nice.

Yeah, it was very low pressure. Low pressure wedding for the first time in a long time. It's a little different, obviously, because of our job. But just being the work friends at a wedding. Oh, yeah. It's great. Nobody really wants to talk. It was great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But yeah, shout. Shout is a good one. It's you. Oh, it's me now? Fuck. She's like, yeah. But yeah, shout. Shout's a good one. It's you. Oh, it's me now? Fuck. She's like, all I had was my outfits. Yeah, all I had was the outfits, honestly. You know what I love?

I love the cocktail hour. I'm a big fan of the cocktail hour. Cocktail hour. Strong answer. I love the little bites. And shout out to Connor and Alex for having the pasta bar. Yeah. Very interesting.

You could have had like a meal. Yeah. Do you know what that was in reference to? What? The pasta bar. Yeah. Very interesting. You could have had like a meal. Yeah. Do you know what that was in reference to? What? The pasta bar. No. In reference to it?

It was an homage to Army football. They would have the pasta bar. Oh, he did tell me that. That's sweet. No, I didn't know that. What a loser. Oh, that's nice.

I like sentimental music. I'm sure many football teams have that. I'm happy that we got to have pasta, but what a loser. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice.

I like that a lot. I will say this about the chefs behind the pasta bar. They had three stoves each. They were not working three stoves each. No, no, no. Well, the line backed up quick. I think at that point we were out in the sun or whatever. We're waiting to sit down.

Everybody's like, ooh, pasta. It was like I didn't get a whole plate of pasta. I had a couple of bites because I was like, if I eat a plate of pasta there's no way i'm gonna eat dinner at 15 minutes like that's crazy but yeah slow eater but nobody else had a problem different yeah i said no one else had a problem i've never eaten like i've never like you know something like your parents tell you when you're your kid like you'll spoil this like i've never spoiled a meal in my life no i spoil a lot of meals we know i've like I know I could tell that about you I'll fucking eat and eat and eat

dude I ate fucking before we sat down for dinner I ate let's call it ate shrimp I ate every time that

watermelon stuff came by I love that watermelon thing I ate all of those it was like two plates of pasta and then I sat down and had

a steak two steaks or no goat cheese it was, goat cheese. It was watermelon, goat cheese. Goat cheese and like balsamic.

I think that's what happened to me at dinner because I didn't finish my whole dinner. I ate every one of those snacks because that was at the point where I was finally coming out of my hangover

from the day before. And that's why the cocktail is a great cocktail hour. Yeah, which is great. So I was like, ooh, this is good. I do recommend the cocktail hour and a half.

I think that's a good idea. Yeah? A lot of people are, you can tack on a half hour for the extra money. For chilling. I think, because people, it's like their favorite part. People do extra money. For chilling. I think, because people,

it's like their favorite part. People do love it. I know. I loved it. I loved, yeah, we had the signature drinks at that point.

No, big fan. Big fan of cocktail hour. I'm a little crying. I'm a crier. Crier? I'm usually a crier too. I cried.

I cried at this wedding. Again, these symbolic pics are really rolling. John's going to be like, the suicide next. Is that a tradition at weddings? You know, when you think about killing yourself at a wedding? No, I'm a crier.

And, excuse me, I teared up. There were some tearful speeches at this one. Not a lot, but immediately. I'm an immediate, I tear up. When the music hits? And then I'm like, get it together, bro. I teared up as soon as I got to the concert. You can tear up for people you don't even know.

Yeah, bro. I always say, there was one time I fucking mercilessly balled to an insurance commercial. And that was when I started going to therapy. Yeah, I was going to say, that's because you're an emotional person. I am going to go for my third pick with judging the speeches. Not the speeches themselves. Ooh, that's a really good one. Gossiping afterwards about who did good.

I love that too. But primarily who did bad. Who talking shit. Yeah. Always got to talk shit. The bridesmaids who had the papers flipping and flopping. I said. The best man who's telling inappropriate stories.

And I love being like, boy, that sucked. I said last night that i had speeches at my thing and i just said that it's so much more pressure giving a speech at a wedding like you would think like you know doing what we do like oh you can give a speech like oh you sit on a microphone all day like whatever i'm like no it's so much different when it's a speech in front of people that you know or like you kind of know whatever because you don't want to fuck it up then people have expectations right exactly exactly that was it and that's always a thing too i didn't get to just to clarify i don't want people thinking it up. Especially when you do do this job, then people have expectations. Right, exactly. And that's always a thing, too. I didn't get to, just to clarify, I don't want people thinking,

the speeches at this wedding were done at the rehearsal dinner that I wasn't there for. I don't want people thinking that we were doing bad speeches. We didn't really hear speeches. But it's a lot of pressure because you know the people that are there and everyone is just chomping at the bit to talk shit about a maid of honor or a best man speech. That's just, everyone's automatic, like, ooh, this is going to be good. Which bit to talk shit about a maid of honor or a best man speech like that's just everyone's automatic like oh this is gonna be good which is like

the world yeah it's like that person's a little more important than me yeah let me tear them down these three hours that person's a little more important than me i'd like to talk shit please exactly exactly and it's great but yeah yeah i'm with you oh shit okay this is so hard for me to think of this to to be honest. Banging groomsmen? No, that's not. I don't recommend that. They don't go away.

They never leave you alone. Do you disagree with me? What? I think that hooking up at a wedding, I've never even done it. I feel like that's an over-exaggerated thing. I don't know. I've had people tell me that, no, no, no, I fucked a lot. I think it's

very dependent on the wedding like I like have done that but it's not but not often I've never fucked a random person at a wedding yeah

I've like never people I knew going into it agreed but I've never like that's what I mean like oh I'm on the

bride side you're on the groom side and we like meet and fuck yeah but I'm gonna say the rehearsal dinner.

I like a rehearsal dinner. I think it's kind of chill. I think that everybody's excited about the next day. Like you get to wear another cute outfit basically. I'm excited about that. So an opportunity to flex on these hoes. Yeah, and it's always like kind of like you said, there's usually a good amount of speeches from people

that you won't hear from the wedding, but there's like less pressure on it. So so people are a little more lax about it and usually get some better stories out of the rehearsal dinner stuff because not the whole wedding is there, so we can really say the stuff that not everybody's supposed to hear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like rehearsal dinner. Number three is your table is some Ukraine-Russia shit

where you're like, this is our territory. Yeah. And we've got gotta defend it. We're a gang. We're together. It's kind of representative of who you are, too. Because I think there are other people who sit down and they're just like, this is my table for the night. And there are people who sit down and are like, we're gonna be the cool table.

We're gonna be loud. We're gonna be fun. We're gonna be the ones, you know? So it's make or break your table. Your table is an immediate citizenship. It's a gang. It's gang. Yeah.

They're clips for blood. And you don't even have to flash your lights and then murder someone to get in. Yeah, no, no. You're just allowed to come in. This is our squad right here.

That was our table for this. We were table nine, which is the quote from Wedding Singer is like something about the mutants and table nine in the back. So they put all

the work friends and all that shit together. That was silly. I thought very fitting. Yeah. Especially looking around at friends and all that shit together that was silly i thought very fitting yeah especially looking around who we were yeah that was really good i am gonna go with um if if the wedding does like the late night um like the food truck comes at the end and does desserts or at cons and alex they had a um like a chicken finger bar that was the next bar and it was like when you think you're done eating and you're probably fucked up and you need some more food and it's like oh we have like an ice cream truck or we have a waffles thing or whatever yeah

yeah yeah like that extra the the post-game food if you will those uh i ate a hundred of those chicken fingers i ate a thousand of those fries And the honey mustard that was with them. So good. I could have drank it. I literally could have drank it. It was so good. It was like that good southern honey mustard that you don't get in a while. Delicious.

My next one's a little sentimental, but it reminded me because you said something about how you cry all the time. The song that plays as the bride walks down the aisle. I don't know if you ever pay attention to it. It's always like because the bride picks that. That. I don't know if you ever pay attention to it. It's always like, cause the bride picks that. That's her like big moment. We're walking out. Sometimes it's an instrumental version of something amazing.

Like it will, it doesn't matter really what it is. It always makes me cry. Like the second I can hear like a string or something. What would you walk down the aisle to if it was not a wedding song, like a song song? That's so hard. Honestly, it's a really hard thing

because I want to, I would pick any, it would definitely be an instrumental. It would be like a, you know, violins or something. The problem is I've seen so many movies now where I've seen people

walking down the aisle to good songs that I would just rip that off. Like, you know, Wildest Dreams, Taylor Swift, that's an amazing down the aisle song. Also the Can't help falling in love elvis they've redone that a million different times i was in crazy rich asians which i watched uh recently again that scene where it all like everything stops for a while

and then the water flies in or like comes in before she walks on the aisle i in that moment by the way isn't her dress getting on with that's like she had no uh she had like painted um painted legs like painted not shoes on, painted. I mean, I'm going to do it for my own wedding, so prepare. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. But that moment where everything pauses as they get ready, and it starts up again as they walk down, it's just waterworks. I'm just like, oh, my God, I'm so overcome.

I'm holding my breath, waiting for it. Mine is 10 of free C. 10 of free C? I think that's how it's pronounced. What's that? Ed Sheeran. Love Ed Sheeran love Ed Sheeran is she gonna cry

I am gonna cry yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah oh I'm going to an Ed Sheeran candlelight thing soon you wanna come with me

you're doing what you know there's like that like candlelight tribute thing I went to where it's like they play all instrumental versions of I went to Taylor Swift one

I'm going to an Ed Sheeran one yeah also wanna come yes perfect perfect I think it's in like two weeks. I'll tell you the day. We'll go.

Yeah, we'll go. It's in Brooklyn. All right, my next one is the 5 a.m. crew. Yeah, the late night gang. You got a good co-crew. Yeah. Parties.

People that never quit. You'll find yourself in a random ass kitchen. Always. Always. It's always a kitchen with bad lighting and like it's probably some stale pizza, like whatever. it's always a kitchen with bad lighting and like

it's probably some stale pizza like whatever it's always that fucking crew yeah always yeah we know each other yeah it's good there's a million like

like open but full beers around nobody's actually drinking them everyone's just like doing coke taking one sip it's like hard to drink yes I know exactly

what you're talking about yeah well I guess for my final pick it kind of probably ties into this because I feel like there's the person I'm talking about is probably going to be in that crew

it's just there's always the one person who like embarrasses himself oh that doesn't even mind yeah sorry the drunkest bitch the drunk bitch the sweatiest guy

the do you want to do you want to tell that now or do you want to tell that the sweat story oh yeah oh god to tell that? The sweat story? Oh, yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, let's do the sweat story now.

Oh, my God. Because being the sweatiest guy, anywhere else in the world, I would have been the sweatiest guy at the wedding. But Captain Cons was at his wedding, obviously. Yeah. And he said it. He goes, I can't wait to be sweating on that dance floor in about a minute because it was outside and it was very nice.

And he's a sweaty guy in general. He's going to go balls to the wall dancing. So he knew he was going to sweat. And sweat he did. He soaked his shirt. He has the bald head, so there's nothing soaking it up. He was drenched. And any time I would be on the dance floor, put my arm around him,

I would be wet. I didn't touch him. One time I grabbed him and I kissed his head and I was like, oh my God. Gross. Yeah, all of it was gross. No. But what happened? What occurred?

What occurred? Where am I looking? Here's the deal. What I saw at this wedding. It was so bad. What I saw occur between Connor and John Henry Feidelberg was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life. Take Two Girls, One Cup and Tub Girl and all this

disgusting shit. This is truly what I thought about. What happened? I almost puked on a dance floor on the spot. I truly thought when it happened, I thought of a porn. When a guy is fucking a girl in the ass and he makes her suck his toes.

Yeah. And I'm like, that is just disgusting. That's just rude. Connor. And as soon as it happened, I was like, this was worse than that. John was involved in one of those low-budget porn series where they really degraded the girl. Connor wiped his bald head so his fingers were sweaty and went

like a priest at church throwing the holy water. And he just gave John a cum shot right to his face with the sweat. It went all over his face. I'm pretty sure. It was heavy. It was heavy water. It was like a little rainstorm on John. Like a little cloud in the cartoon. It almost knocked me out. It was so heavy it was heavy water it was like a little it was like a little rainstorm

on john like a little cloud in the cartoon almost knocked me out it was so heavy i was not we were in a triangle it was like john cons me or no the other way around but it was the three of us so i was dead middle and i watched it happen i watched him go like the way he did it too it was like just like it's an insane move to do something in the face and i mean i couldn't even believe what i witnessed i was like and my brain didn't skip a beat it was i was like he just threw sweat at you just like i just sweat it was probably in your eyes whatever covid stds you might be pregnant you got it all right now. We determined it was basically like a full cum shot. It was much bigger than a full cum shot.

I've taken cum shots before. It's a salty. Let me tell you. That was the heaviest liquid that's ever been on my face. That's for sure. A salty bodily liquid was thrown on your face. That's a cum shot. It had weight to it.

It's like unfathomably gross. I did not see it happen in real time. I saw the immediate after of you gagging on the dance floor and I was like, what's going on? I asked and you explained it to me. I almost threw up just by the explanation. And then looking at Connor and seeing how sweaty he truly was, I was like, oh my god, no.

But to be fair, to be fair, a lot of people were really sweaty. He was sweaty. It was outdoors. He was sweaty like nobody's business. But every single one, a lot of people were really sweaty. He was sweaty. It was outdoors in Florida. He was sweating like nobody's business. But every single one of his friends, yeah, you were sweaty as fuck. Every single one of his friends was sweating like nobody's business.

But yeah, I don't think anybody was flinging sweat around. I didn't think anything of it. But then you two made such a big deal. I was like, don't fight him. And I just don't know how, but there was this one black dude who was so cool and swung he was

awesome wearing like a merino wool sweater like just cool as a cucumber while i was like i can't move i can't move i'm gonna sweat don't move don't move don't move but the i mean i guess if while we're talking about cum shots here we can talk about it with kelly um maybe the funniest moment of the weekend whatever your last picks are who cares that's our top fives yeah my last five is smoking yeah oh yeah yeah that's um so it was me kelly fights lurch and office manager brett back from the Dead. And Fights and Lurch were doing some hypothetical ATI type talk. Oh, yeah. And they asked Brett Merriman how much money to suck.

Lurch asked this. Yes. Lurch. And he asked it very intense. He was like, how much money to suck a dick and take a facial? He was asking it like. Take down a dick and get the cum shot in your face. He was being so. I think he said get down a dick and get the cum shot in your face. He was being so

demonstrative. He was asking it as if it was like the only answer was there is no amount of money. I would never let that happen. He detailed it as much as you could. And as I understand it, because I wasn't there, I only saw the aftermath, Brett kind of went like, oof,

I don't know. So here's what happened. It was, I gave an answer which was a joke, obviously, and a lame joke, a hacky, stupid joke. I'll do it for free or whatever. I was like, you're seeing Gaspar? I'll do it for a tank. I don't have a car. That's timely.

I like that, though. That's timely. I'll give that to you. I think that's funny in the moment. It was a car event. It's dumb. It was funny in the moment think that's funny in the moment it was funny it was a con event it's dumb it was funny in the moment it was funny in the moment but then

Brett Merriman office manager Brett looked us both dead in the face and said about four grand and we were like we were like that's too high

to be a joke right but too low to be like reasonable answer right was this did he say that after

before or after because I worry that I like that it was my fault did he say that after before or after because I worry that I like that it was my fault that he is now getting all this shit for because I was saying on the other side

I was like I was like whatever the experience sexuality is a spectrum like who cares like I was kind of like if that's all it takes to fucking convince him

then it's still on him but I worried I was like I was like don't be prude like who cares I literally I was saying that I was just talking to a be rude. Who cares? I literally was saying that.

I was just talking to a heterosexual girl, and she says it's free, so I don't know. So I feel bad for him for getting railroaded by this. Lurch goes, that's like this weekend. It goes between the flights and the gifts and stuff. You add a couple more bucks. He goes, you take this weekend off, and you basically have that money right there. I said to him, and I stand by it if Office Manager Brett is listening, I'll do it right now. Lurch, you said we'll go half on it.

I'll lend you $4,000 right now to suck a guy's dick. It's so funny because it's like, I want to watch. I'm going to pay this and make you and do it, and we'll watch. I don't even need to see it. Just tell me it happened. No, because I do because I want to watch. I'm going to pay this and make you and do it and we'll watch. I don't even need to see it. Just tell me it happened. No, because I do because I want to watch the whole thing. Every head bob, I'd be like, that's only like $150 right there. That's not enough.

Yeah, you need like a coach to really get a gun. Officer Andrew Brett, I will Venmo you $4,000 right now to suck a dick. That's absolutely true. Oh, my God. I won't even think. Wait, wait, wait. Bro, I'll Venmo you $8,000. I'll Venmo you $8,000 to suck a dick right now to suck a dick. That's absolutely true. Oh my God. I won't even think. Wait, wait, wait. Bro, I'll double it. I'll Venmo you $8,000.

I'll Venmo you $8,000 to suck a dick right now. He said it, and he knew he fucked up. He knew he fucked up because you guys did not let it go. You guys are still

not letting it go. It's like four days ago. It's going to... It'll haunt you forever. It's going to haunt you better. We'll get it even $10,000. Now we're getting to the point where Brett's like...

Now I'm like, well, okay. Yeah, I'm like, I said I'd do it for free, but... No, I was willing to pay $10,000. Now we're getting to the point where Brett's like... Now I'm like, well, okay. I said I'd do it for free, but... No, I was willing to pay $10,000 for Kevin to shave his face. So yeah, I'll do it for Brett to suck a dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then if it's reversed... But you suck dick, how much for you to go down on some chick?

I mean, way less. Like, what, $4,000? I don't know. But it's not that big of a deal. That's what I'm saying. Girls can fuck around. This sex stuff is not such a big deal for me. That's not even, you know, it's whatever.

This stuff. Like the sex stuff, whatever. But girls can swing so much more easily than guys can. Yeah, it's not so big of a deal. Although I do believe eating some box is- I'm not looking to do it. That's one of the things where I'm like, oh, I think sometimes,

I made out with my girlfriends. I've done whatever, and I get a lot of bisexual TikToks served to me. So I'm like, oh, I think sometimes I like made out with my girlfriends. I've like done whatever. And I get a lot of like bisexual TikToks served to me. So it's like, am I? And I think about like eating a pussy. And she was like, in some way, it's much more eloquent than this. But it's basically like, I'm as gay as you can go down on me. That's how bi I am. And then the minute where I've got to like eat your pussy.

Exactly. You've got to be pretty committed. I'm a little more selfish. It's still not the same. As a bisexual, I's how bi I am. Exactly. And then the minute where I've got to like eat your pussy. Exactly, yeah. You've got to be pretty committed. I'm a little more selfish. It's still not the same. As a bisexual, I'm more selfish. Yeah, yeah. As a straight girl,

I'm a giver. I'm a giver. Yeah, I'm a giver. As a straight girl. It's a lot easier. Got a lot more practice there. But yeah, shout out also to Lurch

who I've never hung out with or like ever spoken to until this. We like literally met. Just a blast. Really good time with him. Just a fun, fun guy. We were doing like swing dancing on the dance floor. He was swinging me around. I was like, this is so fun. It was a good time with him he was we were doing like swing dancing

on the dance floor he was swinging me around I was like this is so fun it was a good time I had never hung out with Lurch until this past winter we got a house at Wyndham

with like cons kind of put together and that's where I first like hung out hung out with him I've obviously seen him in passing yeah yeah great guy

you know what he's got this is gonna sound weird but he's got a great voice for like hanging out where he's like Brant said Ford out like the way he's got it know what he's got? This is going to sound weird, but he's got a great voice for hanging out. He's like, Brett said four thousand. He's got a deep and he gets excited about it.

He does. Everything's a level up. He was a good time. I was happy he was there. He was a good addition to the table. All right. So top five

best things at a wedding and how much money for you to suck a dick and take a facial. Yeah. Over under $4,000. Yeah, yeah.

Shout out, Brett. Shout out to him. Big shouts. And check out Kelly on the other line. That's Sunday nights, 8 p.m. Eastern on our Sling channel, which is a Barstool Sports channel, 24-7. And then, of course, cutting stems. We've got a bachelor break right now.

Bachelor finale was last week. For what, two weeks? Actually, until July. Can you believe? It's the biggest break we've had in 18 months. We counted it out. It has been back to back

for 18 months, The Bachelor. And now we have a break. So live it up, girl. I am. I'm going to live it up. I'm going to put all my effort into The Other Line.

Go check it out. Watch that on Sling. You can call Kelly live during the show and chop it up. Thank you, girl. Thank you for having me. I appreciate it.

All right, thanks to Kelly Keegs. Make sure you check out all our shows. Like we said, we're going to do our voicemails now. Voicemails are brought to you by wood. I got a question. Would you rather be an asshole who doesn't wash his body and style his hair and use all his grooming products with a high qualityquality, low-price grooming line like wood? Or would you rather just be a fucking smart person

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why do I put on lotion? isn't that your new year's resolution? yeah my new year's resolution oh but okay so it's a new thing oh yeah this year right right right that's what I mean

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local CVS. It's in over almost 9,000 different CVS's so you can get it there and get all the different scents and different products we have at getwood.com. First voicemail, what do we got? What up, KFC, Fights, Jackie, Nick, Zach, Pabst, whole gang. Walking back from the 10 p.m. Wilbur show right now. We're up in the Fenway, we're up in the new Moon Man merch.

Happy St. Paddy's Day. Listen, I was the kid up in the balcony who fights through the shoe up to and caught uh you know let me say that was a very impressive throw but i think my catch and then toss back down in the front row was a little bit more impressive uh i gotta be honest there that was probably a top five life moment for me it was cool so i guess my question is what type of like random weird event that you were a part of or something that you did that made you just feel like the absolute man afterwards? That is a great question.

Even if it doesn't make any sense. And this doesn't make any sense. But for a KFC Radio fan, it probably was cool. A quick story, quick background. We could put the video in from social media. John was bragging about how far he could throw his shoe. So we're clear. So we're clear you're a pussy. When that whole thing started, I was never referring to a shoe. So we're clear. So we're clear you're a pussy.

When that whole thing started, I was never referring to a shoe. Right. You were talking about... No, you said shoe. No. Yes. I knew we were talking about throwing shoes, but in my head, I never said... Okay, but you said shoe.

No, I didn't say shoe. I was always thinking baseball. And it did start as baseball, and then we quickly turned into a shoe i went along with it and that's fine you said shoe no i i i was always thinking baseball that's why i was like i don't think i would have said shoe who said smoke that with a baseball and that's what i was seeing the whole time and i know i'm right i would smoke that with a baseball but yeah but that's why i wouldn't have said anything i i'm telling you it was brought up for a reason i don't i don't think it was like you i think it was like things got conflated and

it got got messy i i was never arguing i could hit that with a shoe um but now that i've thrown that shoe i might start because even the difference between balcony and chandelier no shot no chance so john so john was trying to throw and the first the first between balcony and chandelier, no shot. So John, so John was trying to throw. And the first, the first throw in the first show or pre-show really, really sucked. It was like a weird haircut,

Seth style. The second show, the crowd goaded him into fucking throwing. They were cheering. They're chanting his name. And I kept being like, no, we were not.

I was like, don't do it because there were people in the crowd and shit. And then, but I was like, you have to, the crowd's not gonna stop. Like you have to throw it crowd's not going to stop. Like you have to throw it.

And he air mails it all the way to the third balcony. The third, the third to the balcony. But then, yeah, I think he's right. The dude, they were like, throw it back, throw it back. He threw it back to the owner of the shoe, like, right in his fucking lap. Not only did he throw it back to the owner of the shoe, the waitress was standing there with a fucking tray of beers.

Right past. Right by her. I mean, it was an unbelievable throw. It could have been a catastrophe, and that's why I didn't want to do it at all, but he, you nailed it, and then he fucking really nailed it. And yeah, that's probably, for any of the chicken heads or any Boston stoolies and shit, that's probably a great story to tell. Anything like that.

I feel like if anybody's ever caught a foul ball, this would be up there. I caught a, I didn't catch a foul ball, I caught a throw, like Lucas Duda was coming in from, he caught the third out at first and threw it over the dugout. And I caught it. That's not nearly as cool as a football.

I don't have anything like that. Or a home run ball. I don't have anything like that. I mean, you won two Grand Final clocks. Well, yeah, of course. I'm just kidding. But the... Like a cool fucking moment like that.

Have you ever like won bingo or something somewhere? Have you ever like win a keynote or some shit? However you guys play that. Or like a moment where you're the winner. You get your name called out. You guys? You mean Degenerates? Yeah, you fucking scumbag. Pieces of shit. I get a buddy

who goes to a couple bars in Boston. One of them is Bitty's. Bitty Early's. And on his receipt, whenever he gets it, it just says Keno and then his name. because he's just known as like the keno yeah yeah keno joe whatever yeah he goes solo he just plays keno and that's his fucking

thing um i don't think i've ever like you know me like you also know that person i'm yeah i'm sure you can figure it out yeah i'm sure you can guess who it is i i feel like um like things just don't happen to me like you know like we were talking about the sling sleepers to win money for March Madness there was no chance our team was ever going to win because when I'm a part of things it doesn't happen my teams don't win, I don't win contests

lucky things don't happen to me I think you don't open yourself up enough for it okay that might be true there's plenty of things where you're like, you know what, let's just see what happens. Let's do it for the story. There are so many things.

It's a numbers game, and you do more things. But I'm saying anything that I am a part of, we never, I'll never win. The only thing that has ever gone my way is getting the job at Barstool. Every little thing otherwise just doesn't ever play. So little moments like this where it's like, he called my name out, like brought me up on stage or like they selected blah blah it just

doesn't ever happen so i got nothing for this one yeah but you don't because you don't do stuff yeah all right so like let's say this like we're talking about doing stuff let's say it's march right april is next month. That's how it works. Let's say April I want to go to Europe. Will you come with me? No, I can't do that. See, this is what I mean. I got kids.

I literally have flights. Oh, you're just trying to get me to go because you got these flights that you got from COVID. I know. I would love to go. So let's go.

I got kids. So what? You want to go to Europe for two days? Let's go for two days fine i don't care fuck i gotta get a passport i gotta get a passport let's go um i will pay for it everyone it is on kevin i just we're getting back from this whole um i'm putting you on the spot i'm boston and florida i was like i'm never i'm not traveling again for like another fucking 10 years let's just go do

something dumb for like fucking how does this voicemail about like getting a fucking shoe turned to me getting bullied and go to uh fucking i literally did not have a plan at all yeah this could have been any voicemail you're gonna be like all right so wait here's a follow-up let's go to europe it just came up that that voicemail has nothing to do with going to europe let's go you wet it in there i know but he's kidding but doing things came up it was very funny like you just you do stuff let's do something well we had a fucking moment too where i was like we do have to do this more often after the wedding we get home probably like 2 a.m me and john just sitting on the back porch in the ghetto in florida ripping cigs just howling laughing

at like all of our stupid shit and just i mean some of the shit that john was saying when john is drunk but in like still like capable oh it's just so much fun i mean we were like playing fucking pranks on people at the wedding and goofing on them and shit and then we came home and just had a discussion that was like if we just had a podcast mic rolling it would have been glorious so i do i mean it would be fun to just be fucking sitting in europe with you let's go let's go we'll see but where in europe i don't give a fuck wherever i literally don't go to ukraine i'll go to Ukraine, too. Fuck.

This is all just because you got those two fucking seats from the COVID trip. I can postpone those to whenever I want. It's not. Okay. Then let's postpone it. No, no, no. Let's do it now. Let's do it in April. We'll postpone it to a time that I can really do it.

All right. Fine. I will. Because I got a wedding and then we got to go to Nashville and I can't be going away back to back and all this shit going away back to back I will do it has to happen in 2022 it has to happen in 2022

I will pay for a vacation no no no I'm not paying for my vacation then I'm not going then you're not going? yes I'm paying for a vacation for the boys. What are we doing?

Let's get this sponsored. No one pays. No, I will pay for a vacation for the boys and for Jackie. If it happens, it has to happen this year. I'm so happy, John. It has to be in Europe, too. You have to use a passport to go. I'm so happy John had a few piggybacks.

Because that's where this came from. Get some piggybacks in you. You'll do some fun shit. You'll make some fun decisions with a couple piggybacks. It'll be funny. 8% will get you. It'll be funny. John's going to wake up and be like,

God damn piggybacks. Just cost me 15 grand. Fuck it. He's going to send us to Europe and wake up with a new condo in some fucking, in some random city. I love it. it yeah don't worry about it i got fucking rock hills killing it we'll do uh it'll be euro trip kfc radio euro trip oh my god and uh and we'll make it happen in 2022 it has to happen this year yes it has to happen this year yeah everybody got a passport yep all right i will get we're going to Europe, baby!

So next voicemail. This is Katie. This is a girl. She was on a first date, which is crazy. First date, KFC radio show. And there was a tweet that said, am I the asshole? Or like, is he? No, it just says something like, I'm on a first date, but he got me mezzanine tickets. Kind of like a, ugh.

And so she tweeted at us afterwards saying, worst timing ever, I had to go to the bathroom when you guys talked about me. So she wanted to clear up a couple things because she wasn't actually at her seat when we brought her up during the show. Also, real quick before we do that, sorry. I want to clear up my last promise. Here come the disclaimers no it is true and i stand by it but like jackie's got a book at all yep you got to do the logistics yeah i'm not because that's your job by the way

that's what the other the other podcast support senior producer yeah and that's your job that's what senior producers do kevin john the rest of the crew i am the first date mezzanine girl um i just wanted to send a quick video to clarify i'm not a brat very appreciative of someone buying me tickets um but so what happened was i bought tickets myself for the 730 never asked anyone to go I was like this is way too far in advance I am not asking anyone to go I'll figure it out when it gets closer side note where the date comes into play I'm newly-ish single, and there's a kid from my hometown who we've been, he's been trying to take me out. We just wasn't working. It never lined up. Um, and so I got the email from ticket master and I was like, Oh shit. Like he's down for anything. I know he can have fun wherever. Um, I asked him, totally said he's so down. So we go.

And I was like smiling ear to ear the whole entire time. My cheeks were hurting. Um, and I was like, Oh fuck. I'm so disappointed that I didn't get good seats for the 10 o'clock show. Like I should have just done that. Like that's so dumb. And he was like, let's stay. Like you had so much fun. Let's buy tickets. And I was like, yes, definitely. So I said, I don't mind buying the tickets because this is like my thing.

And I want, I'd rather spend extra money and sit where I want to sit than have someone else buy them and then kind of just like get whatever is available. So he said he was like, nope, I'm buying them. I'll get us the best seats. We'll sit on the floor. So I'm like, right. I run into someone I know. We start talking.

Fine. He comes back. He's like secured the bag we're sitting on the floor like let's go and like I was pumped I was buzzing and we go down we go down and the guy checks my ticket and he's like girl no you're upstairs now I was like fuck what and he's like yeah you're upstairs so I sent that tweet strictly taking the piss out of him I typed it up tagged you guys showed it to him showed it to my date and I was like let's see if the boys can do anything like joking like at least like hopefully these guys can pull through like you can't just take into this not being serious and he was laughing the whole time and then i looked like

a brat because we sat in the mezzanine but that's it so i don't know i did that's we did say on stage i I was like, Oh, I mean, that's kind of fucked up to like, be like, you got me tickets, but they weren't good enough. Well,

yeah, especially for our, a show like ours. I mean, you might get hit with a shoe. The front row ain't getting shoe play. Let me tell you that much. You're not going to see the full spectacle up there,

but it was that sort of night. We had, uh, so many people who just got absolutely shit face. We had, uh, a whole shipment of piggyback come in, and they drank them all in the first show. So everybody was bombed and was like,

let's just stick around for the second show. And there was shit like that going on. I'm sure people were... I mean, by the second show, people were just like talking and hanging out. It was literally like a podcast in the background while they just had a bar almost. It was fucking wild.

I was watching the camera in the back before everybody was walking out to make sure nobody took it. And there was just so many drunk people. There's one kid carrying his friend by the back of his neck. He's like, you're embarrassing yourself. And the rule is Piggyback came through in the clutch last minute and sent over this big pallet of Piggybacks. But the rule is, at a KFCc radio event whatever booze you think you need always double it if you think you have enough for two shows you only have enough for one if you think you got enough uh booze for the whole night you need more because uh these guys i mean

the ride or die type were i mean we had like a few i think we had like 100 people stick around for the next show who didn't initially like on the spot. We're like, let me go buy another fucking ticket, which is, uh, very flattering for us to hear. So we're coming to Nashville next. Uh, that's already sold out.

Chicago. Uh, Philly is in may. I gotta be honest, Philly. Well, disappointed in, I thought Philly was going to show out a little more upon,

uh, announcing the tickets. So, uh, you got some work to do philly to fill out the film more tickets are available now you can go to uh our social media i thought philly was gonna be like boston i was like we haven't come to philly in a while we got our like a thousand person theater i think this is gonna go and we'll have enough for what we can put on a second show

just like the wilbur and uh philly has not come through in the clutch like boston did some sometimes i've been scared to promote stuff because I don't know about us. I don't know if we have a good show or not. Now we know though. I know we have a good show. Now I'm confident. It's a great show. Now I know we have a show that we can take on tour.

We'll go to Philly in May. Nashville April, Philly in May, Chicago in June. We'll come back to New York after that. Also, if you want us to come to your city, I put out the poll once, and I was like, what cities do you want? Hoping that one city stood out. Every single city had 300 people say yes,

which is good, but it was not enough to be like, here's where we're going next. So if you want, what we used to do with the Blackout Tour, people used to make at Cincinnati Blackout, and people used to make like at Cincinnati Blackout. And if enough people followed it and got enough traction or whatever, we knew that that city had a big enough following, we would bring the show there. So if you want to do something like that to prove to us tangibly

how many people you got that want to come to a live show, you could do that. But we're going to start to hit multiple cities and bring it through. So Philly, you got some work to do. Chicago will be on sale soon enough. And let's get to our last voicemail of the day brought to you by Simply Safe. Simply Safe is the only option in my mind to get security for your home, whether you're talking about the indoor cameras or the outdoor cameras to protect your property, whether we're talking about

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in the house game... If I get kicked out, yeah. Because I don't really want to get an in-between place. I want to wait until I have my money to get a real house. So... Stepbrothers, bro.

You can have my bedroom. You'll sleep on the couch? I'll sleep on the couch. Of course you will. stepbrothers bro you get i honestly you get on my better i'll just look like i'll see like that of course you will but once i get that house i'm back on the simply safe with 24 7 professional monitoring uh and so customize the perfect system for your home in just a few minutes at simply safe.com slash kfc radio where you get a free indoor security camera plus 20% off interactive monitoring. That's SimpliSafe, S-I-M-P-L-I, safe.com slash KFC Radio. Last voicemail.

Let's go. What up, boo? Who's this? Hi. Okay, so this requires some backstory. So I used to bartend. Kevin's got a type. This middle-aged guy took a man and he was really nice. So does John. What's up, boo?

He would come in every day at the slow time so he would just talk to me because i had nothing else to do uh so he started asking questions knew everything about me knew i had a boyfriend kept hitting on me even after knowing i had a boyfriend um and then started like writing down his visits counting down his visits at the top of his receipt. So it would be like 50. And then his next visit would be 49. Don't know what would happen when you got to one, never figured it out. He started like showing up to my gym and then making jokes at work. Like, Hey, I was at the park. I didn't see you there that he knew I went to. And I was like, this is, this is weird. So I started changing my work schedule and telling everybody like, Hey, if you see this guy,

don't tell him. Um, fast forward a year. Now I live in a different state. Uh, and I'm at the gym on, I see him across the room. And then all of a sudden he turns around i'm thinking how can he be here not him so now i'm just staring deeply into the eyes of some random guy i don't know and he starts walking towards me um like not towards me but towards the treadmills where i am and i'm thinking like oh my gosh this guy is about to come hit on me. And I'm going to tell him like, hey, I'm so sorry. I'm only staring at you because I thought you were the guy that used to stalk me. So my question is, what is a time that you have been turned down in like the most uncomfortable, disrespectful way from someone you were hitting on?

Okay. First, let's back it up to the stalker. This is the easiest thing in the world. Oh, wow. For you? No, no. You said what you were hitting on. Okay. First, let's back it up to the stalker. This is the easiest thing in the world. Oh, well. For you? No, no. You said what you were going to say. Well, I was just going to say, that guy, if you were counting down your visits on top

of a receipt, you're either going to kill and rape me, kill yourself, or blow the bar up. I hope you'll kill me. Yeah, just that, please. No collateral damage. I'm sure he thought maybe that was a funny thing, but this seems super ominous, dude. I'd rather you kill me than you kill yourself

and I have to live with it. Yeah, definitely. I don't want that on my fucking hands. But, I mean, goddammit, how much does it suck for this girl? Clearly, she's like any dude who is, you know, 5'10 with brown hair and brown eyes who looks relatively like this.

I have to be worried that that's my stalker. I'm in a whole different city, and I'm thinking to myself, that's probably that guy. That sucks. That is. It's an unfortunate thing to be here. Just be normal. I'm trying to do Equinox with Luna Agdal, and we're both doing sit-ups.

I'm also having a nightmare that this guy's shadow is fucking him one of my worst being a woman it's it's not fun no it seems it seems like there's a whole pregnancy thing and then on top of that there's the whole fucking dangerous ominous there's the whole thing that like half the people are way stronger than you and and wanting to use it on you in a in a very bad way i one of my worst performances, I wasn't fully rejected, but I've told this before, and the reason why it jumped in my head was because of the gym,

was when I was trying to hit on the girl who works at the desk, and the desk was just a little too high. Yeah. And I was like, so like, it actually probably is similar to this. Like if you were sitting on like a smaller desk,

and I just kind of like, like put my butt on it kind of, which is like, you know, but it was like this. So she's sitting there and I was like, so yeah, like, are you living Hoboken? Right. You're going to, are you going out tonight? And I was like, eventually I was kind of like this and I was like balancing and I was just like committing to it. I was like planking.

I was like, so yeah, what's up? And she was kind of like, is that comfortable for you?ing i was like so yeah what's up and she was kind of like is that comfortable for you and i was like i gotta go yeah and then that girl because she did work in hoboken live in hoboken sometimes i would see her walking to the path train and i would like cross the street because i didn't want to be like walking behind her because i'd be like i'm the creep who's like walking behind her but now i'm the guy crossing the street i'll tell you what people don't know that enough being a man walking behind a woman at night i run yeah i'll pass you don't like i'm not following you i promise ryan long has a joke uh he put it up on instagram yesterday he said he fakes a phone call and he'll be like i just want to let you i just want the girl to

know i'm a non-threatening male so i'm behind you on the phone just being like, Lena Dunham is a queen, girl. But no, my worst rejection always sticks out in my head. This girl's name was Allie. I was in seventh grade. I just moved to Westchester. Just moved to Pelham from the Bronx. And this girl was so hot, is so hot. But at the time, it was just...

You still follow her, huh? I actually don't. I should follow her. Yeah. Well, then why did you throw the is on this? Huh? Bronx and this girl was so hot is so hot, but at the time it was just a follower. I actually don't. I should follow. Yeah. Well, then why did you throw the is on this? Huh? Why did you throw the is on this? She's so hot.

She, she, she has to be. She's not something catastrophic. And my best friend at the time, Al, Al Popolardi, one of my best friends. He was always kind of, I had, I had a little bit of a run when I moved in seventh grade. When you tell people you're from the Bronx, when you were younger, people were kind of like, ooh, Bronx, you know? So I had this like little image for a second where some of the girls were like kind of interested. And he was like, yo, ask Allie out, ask Allie out. And I was like, no fucking chance, like this is going to work.

But he just pushed me to do it. And I did it like, school let out. And we were in front of like the the front door people kind of just like hang out there for a little bit before walking home and i and i went over to her and i was like i think you know in like seventh grade when it's like do you want to be my boyfriend sort of thing i think i said do you want to go out with me and she just froze and i realized like wow i put her on the spot in front of all these people you know and she was probably she was nice about it because she didn't want to blow me up.

I think I said something like, yo, it's all good. Just give me an answer either way. It's fine. She was like, well. Not that I fucking give a shit. Right. I think I tried to play like that.

Honey, honey, I got things to do, so just tell me yes or no. She was kind of like, well then. The tires need rotation. I got to go to Mrs. Joey. No, I think she was kind of like well then no okay I was like

yeah yeah okay if you're gonna back me into a corner I'll give you the no no in front of like the whole fucking

my whole grade kill me now still think about it clearly to this day I don't have one I've never it's never happened to me ever

there's never been an embarrassing moment where a girl rejected you in any fashion I don't really like women so I've never really asked them out or anything like that no there's never been an embarrassing moment where a girl rejected you in any fashion? I don't really like women, so I've never really asked them out or anything like that. No? There's never been a girl dumping you while you got a drink on the way or anything like that?

Well, sure, there's one. Well, everybody got one. Yeah, oh, if you want to go through one. Yeah, there's a million of them. But I don't have one. I don't have one that lives in my memory unless by my fucking best friend. It's put in there. Yeah.

You would never like go. Have you ever like asked a girl for a number and get rejected? Have you ever, you don't, you don't do any of that. Nope. Nope. I don't do that. I always, I always, I'll just go home and go to bed. I don't give up.

I thought that was the most fun was back. Like it's not even a thing anymore with dating apps. But getting a girl's number was like a mini victory in its own right where I was like, fuck. You're hopefully on Polygraph. But I literally don't know. You should do a segment called Polygraph where Polly has to give us truths about you. Nah, I don't think so. I think that's a great idea.

It's a great idea where we ask you something and you have to answer it. And then we do like, it's time for polygraph and we call her up and she gives us the real answer. I think I'm going to have a heart attack right now. Just the idea of it. But also that's a good idea. We should do that. I don't think I've ever

asked a girl for her number. Really? No, I don't. How did it come together? My goal is to die alone why would I ever talk to someone but like when you've had girlfriends they just like

when did you start like how did it start no idea it just happens every girl I ever had was like they knew me I never met a girl

when we started dating like like any person who looks like me like you have to kind of get to know me that's not true we say this all the time but like bro at the end of the day we're over six feet you have hair and you have light eyes like it plays it does it just plays but like you have to get to know me to find me attractive that's it's really not true well thank

you for saying that but every girl ever knows is saying that you gotta remember how many fucking Jackie in the grand scheme do not answer whatever he's about to say in the grand scheme of like is John on the attractive side or the unattractive side what is he

yeah he's attractive fired like you gotta think about the fucking ugly people and the fat people and the short people. I have mirrors. I know what I look like. You know what John has? The three sixes. I'll say this.

I think. Pretty sure that last one. I'll say this. I have mirrors. I'm just not my type yeah that's fine that's fine I get that who would you want to fuck what is your type

for guys who is my type good question I'm more of a black Irish guy like a Colin Farrell thought for a second you were going to say black guys I'm going to be like wow

no I like the blue eyes black hair light hair dark eyes yeah or the way around it's fucking fire no not a ginger like my fucking ass but well that's just the self-loathing um and you guys have any like awful like attempts yeah no i got punched in the face once uh hold on to that one for a minute asking for a date or what? No, so I actually hooked up with her recently, but we worked together and she showed up after going to a wedding and we were at the bar that we worked at and she was like, if you try to kiss me right now,

I'm going to punch you in the face. And I called her bluff and she fucking stuck. No, you did not call her bluff, Nick. Wait, hang on. Why did you go in for the kiss? Someone said, if you kiss me, I'll punch you in the face, and you kissed her? Oh, yeah, I was kind of drunk. And, like, I thought she was just being playful because we'd hooked up, like, the night before.

Yeah, that is weird. But, like, were you so shit-faced that you were, like, slobbering on her? And she was like, yo, if you touch me again, I'm going to punch you in the face? No. Because then you probably shouldn't have gotten her to kiss. It was like I kind of leaned in once, and she, like, said it. But, like, playfully, where I didn't believe it fully.

How much are we talking? Just a quick jab. Just a little rabbit punch? Just a quick jab. I need to see the evidence because either that girl is a real fucking bitch or you kind of misread that situation. That's a pretty drastic move.

I think I misread that one very quickly. I would say so. Babs, you got any? Do we have enough time for my last three Fridays? Have you ever even been rejected, Jackie? Or was that guy who walked out on you and your friend on that hinge date? What? Remember like a couple months ago? Yeah, the guy who walked out?

He was like, you bitches are not hot enough for this. Wait, let's talk about something. Let's talk about your post night. Your post post show because you were the bell of the ball like you jacked up was like the star of each show and then afterwards you were out in like the front of like me and john snuck out the back door because we didn't want to do the whole show but you were like uh you were signing fucking bean cans signing bean cans i know and this this video do not ever do this again look how close your foot is wait the other one the other one i did it that is a little more than i thought to be honest yeah actually i agree it's actually what i thought You slip. You are one drink further.

Your feet are hitting. Your face is smashing in the ground. That was wild anyway. Let me do that. But I didn't. I didn't. You were adamant and you were like, I can do it. Where is this?

No, no, no. That's the thing. You're not that agile. You're not that agile. You still almost kind of just busted your shit the way you jumped. I thought you were. If you did that, I thought it was going to be like, oh, she's like a track runner who can do this easily. You still look

like a dumb drunk girl. You just happened to complete it. You still are a dumb drunk girl. Who did it first? Somebody did it. Did you do it? I did it first. That's what. Well, you can dunk by the way. What the fuck's that about? Pav's just sent around videos of him dunking this week.

It was no big deal. Meanwhile, half of our, oh, I just happen to have it ready for me. Oh, look at that. Like, meanwhile, no big deal. Like we have,

we have a thousand ATI questions that are like, would you rather get a million dollars or dunk? And people love dunking so much that they're like, and pads are just out here skywalking. Do we want to do this now or save it till next week? But like Jackie's sister met us and she told us that next week. Next week. Next week.

Cause I forgot about that and we don't have enough. I know that's four hours in, but just, just say this, just say this tune in on Thursday for sure. Let's remember to open up with that. It's not even like Jackie doesn't believe it's happened, but like her sister's like,

yeah, I know. And there's your teaser. There's your teaser for Thursday. It's not even like a... Jackie doesn't believe it's happened, but her sister's like, yeah, okay. I was not kidnapped. And there's your teaser. There's your teaser for Thursday. There's your teaser. But were you... Are you famous? I think I might be.

Are you famous? Is Jackie famous? If I were to do a t-shirt for that, am I famous? The back? Bitch, I might be. I like that Jackie is

you're signing beans of cans cans of beans it's kind of depressing doing our live shows cause it's like oh she's so much more popular we're just openers

for Jackie she gets a pop like from Stone Cold in 2000 it's unbelievable no that's cause all my sister and her friends

were there well yeah I just have so many people who adore me first show you weren't at the first show you still get the pop.

The girls just love you. Were the guys making moves on you? There was no. There was this one group of fucking guys. And he taps me on the shoulder. He goes, hey, listen. I do not give a fuck about you. Where's fights?

And I was like. That's an attempt at a neg that just didn't work. No, no. He repeatedly told me I do not give a fuck about you. He said that. Was he gay? No, I think he just didn't give a fuck about me.

He was busy putting in work. Alright, time for our interviews. We got two for you. The first one are our buddies Mike Cannon and Brendan Sagalow. We talk extensively as four white guys with terrible dicks, particularly our boy Sagalow. You got to make sure that your dicks are better, as good as they can be. You know what I mean? No shade to Brendan.

My dick sucks too. Weidelberg's dick doesn't suck. He sucks dick. But everybody needs a little bit of help. You get by with a little help from your friends at Roman. It's the secret to longer-lasting sex. It doesn't require a prescription. It's not dangerous in any way.

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But they're affordable that you can basically use them whenever you want. So you can get a pack of monthly swipes now for just five bucks when you go to getroman.com slash KFC. It doesn't affect your partner in any way. It's enjoyable for you. You last longer. She or he comes. Everyone is coming back for more, and it all just costs $5 for the first month

when you go to getroman.com slash KFC and choose a monthly plan. When I first got into the sneaker world, eBay was still like a thing and then those two apps came out Just yeah, it made it easier but it also the aesthetic of eBay is such a turnoff for me because you go to like goat or stock dick or whatever the Fuck and there's there they have the shoes with the spinning and it's nice and on eBay. It's like you see this dude's counter. He's like itching a scab behind the shoe. I also, like in the very beginning, I was buying like, you know, totally like unworn, whatever, fresh. And then there was a couple like rare pairs or expensive pairs that I was like, can I do like lightly worn? Can I see your meat?

Can I see your gross first before I wear? There's something about wearing someone else's shoes that kind of creeps me out. Somebody told me once that if you put on another person's shoes, you're like wearing their soul. And I'll never, ever feel the warmth. Even if it's been a while, you can still feel it. It's like wearing someone's boxer. It's like a pet cemetery. I actually have worn more people's.

I've worn his boxers, and I would never wear your shoes. Dude, I've done boxers. I've got no problem doing that. I've done. Clean boxers, right? Yeah, wear your shoes. Dude, I've done boxers. I've got no problem doing that. I've done. Clean boxers, right? Yeah, yeah. You can fuck it and take them off them. Well, yeah.

But the idea of like worn, but yeah, but they're clean. I've done the fucked up one. I think most people have if they dated someone who like. You put her underwear on? Had a pool. No, I've worn her dad's bathing suit. Of course. That's bathing suit. That's fucking funny.

That's some, that's some like, you know, established dominance shit. I don't know for who. You're wearing my clothes a little bit. A little loose in the crotch. I still have boxers

from my ex-girlfriend's dad that I still wear. They're just hanging over your bed? Yeah. I just feel his balls on my balls. How about this? You crash somewhere unexpected or whatever. Do you use a toothbrush that's there?

No. I barely use the toothbrush I have now. I've gone, I've gone like paste to finger, which never does anything. I go, strange brush right to my fucking mouth. No shit.

Absolutely. Before I walk around with like a, like, I mean, this is like if I have to go to work or go somewhere, you know, if I'm just going right home,

like fucking I'll wait. But if I, I'd rather that than like a day of nasty-ass breath. You smile. You have open blisters on your gum. But to me, it's like, I don't know. The brush is like a bar of soap. Like, the bar of soap doesn't get dirty.

I don't know. In my head, somehow the brush doesn't get dirty. It definitely does. That's not right. Incorrect. I agree with you to a certain extent. But you, I feel like you're really fast and loose with it. I'll judge.

I'll take in the scenario. Like you say, if you're going home, I'll see who I'm around, what her situation is, what the apartment looks like. If it's a girl, she's definitely cleaner than you, dude. If it's a girl, I hope it's dirty. I love the idea of Feidelberg in that beard inspecting the bristles,

being like, this doesn't kind of fit my hijab. The girl texts you like, why is there some random red hair in my tooth? Yeah, like you wake up with melted chocolate all over the place. You're not the king of hijab. No, I'm not. But there's like, do you ever bet in the girl's apartment and there's pee on the seat? Yeah. Like I wouldn't use it in that one.

Wait, I have not. How does that happen? Like pee stains on like the rim. So you look at the toilet and then you're like, oh, there's like other dudes piss about to piss on. The underneath poop. Have you ever experienced that? Oh, the ring?

Like an explosive diarrhea? Yeah, like it either Splashed off Literally the situation In my toilet right now You had a mushroom cloud You're preparing No I took a piss This morning

And I looked in the seat And I was like Where the fuck Did that come from I didn't even understand The physics of it I was like How did that get there

But wait You're lifting up For your own Sometimes Yeah Yeah cause it's not every dime. It's depending on

the mood thing because there are sometimes like, well, I'll just take the extra 10 seconds when I'm done and wipe it down. Yeah, it's either now

or later. Other times, I forget and move on with my life. Sometimes I'm leaving it there to send a message to myself. To get together, like, start lifting the seat.

Yeah, I've done that when I've thrown up from being hammered and thinking I did a forensic job at cleaning the entire bathroom. Everything. And my wife would just lift the toilet seat and there'd just be the cavesicles or whatever just coming off the bottom of the toilet.

I once took Dilaudid with a bunch of my friends. That's what my wife took post C-section. It's basically like heroin in a pill. And I had to puke and I like ran into the bathroom and I puked before I got to the toilet. And I had a one minute where the toilet seat was down and I was puking on the toilet seat. And I had one thought of like, it's already covered in puke. Don't even lift the thing up. You're talking about the seat of the lid.

Yeah, I puked on the lid. The lid, so it was closed closed. Tell them your solution to the problem, because that's the most preposterous part, is that you continued geyser puking, and then he's like, lift it, and he lifted it, and all the puke. Oh, yeah, all the puke, like a confetti parade.

Oh, dude. I will say this. I've never felt such dread as when I said that story, yeah, all the puke. Like a confetti parade. A ceiling? Oh, dude. I will say this. I've never felt such dread as when I said that story and you all didn't laugh. And you just went, you know a story is bad when someone goes, oh, so you know that.

Dude, I took Dilaudid recently. It was prescribed by my doctor I was in a hospital but I was like I need more painkillers well you can't have any more Dilaudid

I've never heard Dilaudid before you can't have any more Dilaudid but we can take you down a bit we can tie you off but we can give you morphine I was like wait wait wait what I've been taking is above morphine? Like, I thought morphine was the one.

I took Deloader after my back surgery, and, like, my body, like, rejected it. I had, like, allergic reactions. That's that heavy-duty shit, man. You're just, like, a Tuesday night. That's why I took it on a rainy day. Oh, yeah. The only time I've taken painkillers

is like a Percocet or whatever just to like you know ward off a hangover and it just never worked instead it just

forced it like created a cluster where I couldn't shit for like a week my stomach is crazy they almost

wouldn't let me leave the hospital though you gotta shit first and I was like post surgery man you better be digging in there, bro.

It is ugly, man. It was so bad, dude. It was like, I was like, you could hear my stomach rumbling, but I couldn't take a shit. So, but I wanted to leave the fucking hospital. So I'm just trying to fucking lay in bed. My girlfriend is in bed with me. I'm just flooring up a storm. Hell yeah.

That's the worst because it's in there. It's disgusting. Dude, the hospital should have some Freudian level pure cocaine to give you in that situation where they're like, take a bump, you'll shit right as rain. Everything will be good. It'll balance out the medication.

But they were also like, I couldn't eat. I couldn't have solids. I'm like, I have nothing to shit. So you can't really not let me eat and make me shit. Those two things don't line up together. But something about cocaine creates food in your body. Because I also have been on a two-day cocaine binge. Haven't eaten in 48 hours.

And I'm like, I don't know where this is coming from, but I have reserves. That's a scary thought because that means it was probably just in there. It was everywhere. Total fucking cleanse. It probably just latches onto the wall. That feels so good. You get that same effect with Adderall. Dude, the inside of our bodies,

all I think about is the blood and the organs operating that same effect with Adderall. Oh, yeah. Dude, the inside of our bodies, like, you know, all I think about is, like, the blood and the organs operating cleanly, but it likely will be, like, the pipes of a sewer. Absolutely. Oh, yeah.

There are rats and turtles living in there right now. For people like us who are dirt balls, like, I'm stunned any time I get even, like, a semi-good, you know, review at the doctor

or a checkup, you know? I had a doctor tell me my cholesterol is low, and I get even, like, a semi-good, you know, review at the doctor. Yeah. Checkup, you know? I had a doctor tell me my cholesterol is low, and I was like, no way! Run it back. I was like, all right, we're going through the Burger King drive-thru! So all you get to hear is, like, one good piece of good news, and you're like, okay, now I can do whatever I want! I had a doctor say the same thing. I was like, you better not check again.

Like, I went to doctors very recently, and they're like, you're a blood worker. You're really healthy. And I was like, if you followed check again. I went to the doctors very recently. They're like, you're a blood worker. You're really healthy. And I was like, if you followed me for a day, you would know that's not true. You understand what you're saying is irresponsible. We actually might need more. I smoked a cigarette in the waiting room, dude. That's almost like the doctor's got to know, like, all right, he's good. But I'm going to tell him, like, he's okay.

I'm not going to lie to him and tell him it's bad. But if I tell him he's good he's gonna fucking ruin it that's that's the move i would it's so weird so i get all my doctor's appointments like knocked out in one day right and i'm irish i get my skin checked then i go on to like general shit gotta do it because everybody in my family's history has had some form of cancer on their body 100 time cancer is just a matter of when and which time can't wait so i uh. So I got my skin checked. Everything's fine. All the moles, whatever. I go to get the physical, the cough, all that shit, weight, everything like that.

And the lady looks at my back. She's like, you have cancer. I'm like, well, weirdly enough, I just came from a guy who specializes in that. And he said the exact opposite. She's like, these do not look good to me. And then she pitched me like a rash guard, like what toddlers wear to the pool. And she's like, you should get this. It's from this company.

I was like, what do you have, a promo code? They are probably peddling that shit. I looked at her, and I was like, you are why people hate Fauci. You are, because you're trying to take advantage of me, and I was like, you are why people hate Fauci. You are because you're trying to take advantage of me and I don't trust you. Dude, I was watching the Kanye doc, the second episode, and he goes to a doctor because of his jaw. That dentist was such a dickhead. He was such a dickhead and he tried to do that. Have you seen it?

The worst fucking bedside manner I've ever seen. Terrible bedside manner. Told them that they can't film and they were like, we're going to do that. Kanye was like, I just want to look like good like i want to look my best for this photo shoot or this video shoot in like january and he's like that would be impossible yeah like just dude okay this is maybe soften it he was just such a jerk i can and it's like watching it you go oh i get why he's the way he is now because every single person was like stepping on him and flipping him off that even the dentist bitched him out and and kanye's just like hey can i keep this for my mom wants blood on it and the dentist was like that's gay

he really was that second episode i didn't I thought the first one was whatever. Second one had me, like, rooting for Kanye again. Yeah, I'm full team him. But you know what I just think is so, the most telling thing about him is because when you watch that, that, especially the second episode, like, Mos Def loved him, and Talib loved him, and Jay-Z loved him, and then, like, nobody fucks with him. None of those guys fuck with him anymore. So if all of your friends are even like, alright. I'm fucking done with you, dude.

There's gotta be something to that. Or they could have all been using him and he's just like, instead of You think it was a grand conspiracy to use his pop beats? No, I don't know but there's a There is a thing in the first episode when this guy walks by and he's like, where's my beat,

man? And he's like, we're on the same label, but I'm your beat. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm talking about the big dogs who he was. Yeah.

Them almost. Well, that's the, that's the cool part is like everybody that was good notice. Yeah. And they were like, no, you're incredible.

Yeah. Most of us said it over and over. Like this is the future of hip hop. That scene with Scarface was really cool. And he played him family business. That song played while my son was being bored. I fucking love that song. It's like, that stuff is really cool,

but then, yeah, you just get... While he was coming out? Yeah. Or like just hanging out? No, while my wife was being sawed open by whatever rudimentary tool they were using. Got a spoon? Yeah, dude.

Oh, they told me to walk around and they had the path taped off for the fathers, they're like, do not look. They're like, don't look. It's a massacre. Wait, are you talking about C-section? C-section. Because I don't think you should look, period, if it's natural or C-section. I'm not really into it, to be honest.

Yeah, but I probably would have just to jerk off to later. But as I was walking, I overcorrected, and in this giant metal salad bowl was the biggest placenta I've ever seen in my entire life. It looked like Krang from Ninja Turtles, dude. It was fucking insane. It was insane. The whole thing is just a goddamn shit show. Yeah.

Yeah. I was really, like, I said that to them and to phoenix and sagalow from here's the scenario great podcast uh the thing that like i saw my son and i'm so in love with him immediately and i was simultaneously disgusted by his nails like his nails looked like a baby dinosaur and he's like covered in gook and cum and he's like. And he's not fully cooked, I guess. I'm like, oh, dude, wash him off. I was going to say, like a hose. Yeah, like he's having a horse. I never liked what babies looked like until they were walking around.

How lucky of you, dude. If you're like, I am quite fond of their physical features. It looks like they look like dead cockroaches. Very disgusting. What does it do to the dead cockroach in a real life? There was absolutely no part of a baby that was a cockroach. It's still moving because of the electricity. Yeah. You know, it's still moving because of the electricity.

What is, did you have to pay for like skin to skin contact? Is that something to pay extra for? I have heard that, but I don't think I did. Unless honestly, they give you like a fucking, they give you a bill at the end. Like it's the check from the restaurant. They just bang you out, dude. You have to put your fucking name in for a lottery just to get privacy like just to get your own room it turns out that my wife is so italian that she knows everybody that knows somebody and they got us a room and booted the roommate immediately it was just great we put

in for like as much early requests whatever we possibly fucking could have but i'm i'm sure i they never said it but i'm sure did you do Did you do it? Did I do skin to skin? Yeah. I don't think I did. I feel like you did it. So I couldn't initially because my wife gave birth so late that she, like, had to get it to latch, like, the whole thing. She had to do all that, and then I couldn't stay the night. I had to go home.

Okay. And I was, like, hallucinating in the back of an Uber and left 100% of our luggage in the trunk. I was like, I realized it like two days later. She has a C-section and then that night you have to go home? Yeah. Was that a COVID? No. Jesus.

That wasn't COVID, was it? No. No, it was before COVID. Yeah, it was because they just didn't have room. So the first night my wife was bunked with another person who just had a baby. And they kicked you out? And they kicked me out, yeah. And her too?

Like there was no the other girl too yeah well the next day she was done i just uh i think i just crashed like on a fucking chair i feel like that's a new thing like the skin that can skin this kind of stuff i feel like i see it maybe it's just because my buddies are trying to have kids now but like i see like guys i thought it was a girl thing no no it's, it's the guy. The mom and guy, yeah. The guy in bed shirtless with the baby. Dude, there is something to it, though, because the energy connection is like plugging your ponytail into the avatar thing. It feels like you're just becoming something. It's like, hey, you're half me. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God. I can't even imagine the stress of this. No, it's a fucking nightmare. Of going through this. I remember, too, when I guess a lot of parents want to take care of their. The anxiety. No, it's a fucking nightmare. It's an absolute nightmare. Of, like, going through this. I remember, too, when they, I guess a lot of parents want to, like, take care of their kids right away. Meh. For me, the nurses were like, you can, like, we can leave the baby here with you for the

night, and you can, like, take care of it, or, like, we'll bring him to, like, the nursery and we'll handle them. And I was like, all you. Yeah. I got the next fucking 50 years to do this. I'm going to get another night or two. Yeah, yeah. Before I really come to this nightmare.

I did that for two nights because my wife was also like recovering. Ripped apart. The craziness when they went like, if you, if it was any other, if you just got like injured somehow and they were like, we sliced you open and like took out all your organs and then put them back in. They'd be like, you need to recover for the next like six to eight weeks. And if it's C-section, they're like, you're out. It's been

56 hours, you gotta go home. They're pros at it now. They can spin the fucking knife on their finger. They're like, do it. Do our doctor said, she made the incision, opened my wife up, and my son's lips were right there and he's like,

right out of the, she was like and he's like... It really is... It's some alien shit. If you got abducted by aliens and they implanted some living thing in your stomach, you'd be like, I'm horrified. That's just what naturally happens. Whoever does the lighting at Mount Sinai West should win some sort of Tony. They lifted up the tarp to show us our son, and it was like, nah, it's a venue. Just beaming lights on him, and he's covered in his own feces.

It was crazy, dude. Dude, I saw The Lion King on Broadway. I'm trying to take this. As soon as we start talking about cutting open and babies and people I turn fucking white and I might faint

on this thing not ready for the joys of fathering no it's disgusting sure as not sure as not making them stop

being dangerous I'm less dangerous do babies pee in you when you like when you have I think it's like a closed system. Yeah. But there is a problem.

He's a vicious heartburn, I hear. There's an issue where when the water breaks and if the baby shits at that exact moment, and it's just 7-7-7, the shit can leak into the woman's bloodstream and it could get sepsis. Oh, my God. That's crazy. And she almost died. leak into the woman's bloodstream and it could get sepsis. It's a family friend that had that happen and she almost died. They were kind of like, I've been sick after birth and you think that it's just a thing.

And then you went for check this, that. None of it was checking out. And then they were like, oh, it's the shit inside you. Terrifying. Imagine if I opened up your fucking stomach and I shit in it. How much that would fuck up your body. Imagine if I just squatted over you

and pooped in your abdominal area. And then just closed you back up and was like, go on your way. How fucked up that would be. That's combining two kinks. Blood play and poop poop. This has been... My body would be so...

I will take care of it Yeah yeah yeah Put it down the jigger pipe Same color Just add it to the other shit My body would be like this is Brendan 101 We got this Throw it on the whopper pile

Yeah throw it on the Whopper pile. Yeah, throw it on the Whopper pile. My God. Thoroughly disgusting. We were looking at Octomom the other day for whatever reason. Porn or still picture? A little bit of both. A little bit of both. One still picture.

She did like solo masturbation, you know, porn. If you try to comment, it's not going to get you. She just did it to feed her family. I mean, honestly, I don't know. If you have anything over three, and even if you have three, but if you have quadruplets and up and certainly like octuplets, you have to get on Oprah or Ellen. Otherwise, your life is over.

I mean, literally, I don't know what you would do. I struggle with two over. Yeah, yeah. I mean, literally, I don't know what you would do. I struggle with two kids. Yeah. Like, if I had four times that, yeah, we'd have to do a reality TV show. I'm literally putting myself in the position that you guys live, and it's stressing me out. So I can't even have a kid, because if I imagine having one. Don't do it. It's so bad.

I don't think your roommates would let you have a kid. Well, you know, we've all do it. It's so bad. I don't think your roommates would let you have a kid. We've all discussed it. Me and my roommates are making that next step. That Greg Giraldo joke always reminds me of Octomom where he said something about her and he's like, Lisa Lampanelli has a lot in common with that Octomom. She doesn't have eight kids, but she has had 80 fingers inside of her. Whatever happened to Lisa Lampanelli? I thought you were going to say Greg Giraldo.

We got some bad news for you. But Lisa Lampanelli was like, Lisa came out to one of my shows in Connecticut. Yeah. And she didn't perform. She just watched. She's drawn to people who have the same haircut. She thought I was a lesbian. Who would you rather fuck, Lisa Linden or Sagalow?

It's so funny because I was just talking to her for a while, and she was like, I don't know how much I should say, but she was like, tell me how much money she's made, and I'm doing a fucking restaurant in Unksville or whatever. But also, why is she there then? She knew the guys that ran the thing. Still doesn't sound like it made that much money. But I just remember her whole act was just like,

I fuck big black dicks. And I guess that made a bunch of fucking money for her. I think she's since reformed. Yeah, well, that's why I ask, because I feel like I've seen something where she... Yeah, she does more one-man show, TED talk-y kind of things now.

She's reformed from fucking black people? That's right. That's right. I guess I did see that. I'm the errors of Ruiz. She's reformed. She's in the KKK now. Things are going well.

We fought the whites. Jesus Christ. I think all stand-ups get to a time where you either make that decision where you go, I love stand-ups so much that I'll defend everything I've ever said and blah, blah, blah. Or you're like, all right,

fuck standup. Yeah. Yeah. I said that, but that standup and I apologize. I don't fuck black people anymore. There you go. I want to be an actor.

I want to make a lot of money. No, it was the jokes we had a problem with. It was like, oh, yeah, yeah. I've been be an actor. I want to make a lot of money. No, it was the jokes we had a problem with. It was like, oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I've been going about this all wrong. I get that. You're like in front of, like, when a firefighter shows up to a burning house, they're like, that one's, just let it burn down. Not worth it. That was not worth saving. We're building a new house. How about that?

Yeah. After a while, fire's not that really important anymore. That's what it is. Yo, have you heard about this three-on-three basketball? It's the Skanks versus, what, Stuff Island and Shane? I think so, yeah. Yeah, I offered to help Lewis to train him a little bit because I said on the show, but it's true,

he dribbles like his hands are numb. Like he literally like – And whacks it. Like whacks it like he's trying to regain feeling. Like it's insane, dude. So that's what I – I'm trying to not judge any books by their covers, but looking at Lewis and Big Jay and is it Dave?

Dave, yeah, yeah. I mean Dave looks like he's in shape. He probably could handle himself. I feel like J is going to show up with the fucking gloves on and he's wearing JNCOs. It's basically Bebop and Rocksteady against the guys from Philly.

Rocksteady and Dave. I mean I guess Shane played football, so he's probably got at least some athleticism. Tommy Pope seems like he's in shape. He is shredded. Tommy is insanely shredded. Basketball is a weird thing because it doesn't... It depends on if he shows up sober.

I don't think it does, though. He has that old school dad vibe where he hang like, you know, shit, like, hangovers for liberals. Shakes it off and then walks onto a court and just drops 40. Yeah, basketball's one of those weird, like, Chris Herron. You can be high, you can be

drunk. Like, if you can play ball, you can play ball. Those are just people. Some people got it like that. Theo Fleury used to play hockey, like, coked up all the time. He used to do lines off the blade of his skate in the locker room in between periods. That is cool. That's super cool. That is cool.

And there's also no way to hide that. So everyone knows what he's doing. I hope they were while he had them on. Yeah. It doesn't make any sense. He had it in his book, that line, or something where he described it of some sort. And, like, thinking about it as someone who's played hockey and done cocaine it doesn't make sense to have it's just wet they're wet you can't do it beforehand

but he was like middle of the game it was you'd say in between periods he just dried off real quick he just ends up rubbing it for gummies well then my friends that's what we call a lie Randy Moss was like, he'd smoke two blunts before a game. That always was weird to me. Because I guess Coke kind of can make sense in some ways. You're just like off the rails. But smoke a blunt and you're just relaxing,

but you also are running like a 2, 3, 40 as you fucking toast guys. But I do think for some people, it acts as healthy Adderall. For some people that are just truly all over the map, can't get themselves straight and focused, weed just bottlenecks the traffic. That's for me at a lower level.

I certainly can't go out there and perform athletically. But it definitely siphons the thoughts down to a more manageable thing. Not that it's very different than a professional athlete, but in high school there was this kid who, he was like 21 and still in high school for some reason, but he would go out there super, super high. Yeah, I mean, I don't know why it was allowed.

He used to get all A's. It's so weird. I guess he just stuck around. But I feel like you should be able to continue to play sports. Yeah, you should lose eligibility. High school's like, we've never even had to deal with this. We didn't even think we'd have to write eligibility law. We figured everyone could handle pre-calc.

That's the best. In like early tryout, beginning of the year sort of thing, like varsity and JV was kind of playing together. I was like 15 playing like a 22- of playing together. I was like 15 and playing like a 22-year-old. I was like, this is bullshit, guys. This shouldn't be allowed. But here I am, like, lacing up and ready to play, and he's like

high as fuck, and everybody knew it, and just like lights out. That's crazy. That was a weird game like that. I did the exact opposite. So I played JV as a freshman, and this kid Terrell Biggs, who's Elton Brand's cousin, played for Nanuet High School, and he was in seventh grade. And he played JV. He was like 6'6", 6'7", 265 pounds.

Terrell Biggs. A child. You better be a fucking ball. He ended up playing for Pitt. He was really good. But, dude, he was dropping fucking buckets, and it dawned on me now that he was a baby. A true baby. A seventh grader is a is a is a baby for real if a seventh grader walked in here now you'd be like why is there a child who ordered the kid now it's my turn

dude i'll tell you what changed my whole fucking existence on the internet was one time the D'Amelio girls did a tour around here, and they popped their heads in here to say hello. And I was like, when you see them in person, they are children. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's a lot, dude. When you see fucking girls.

Yeah. When you're watching, when all the hot chicks are popping up on your TikTok, you are a pedophile. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. My TikTok is sending it to the government. Well, that's the weirdest part about watching this world war on TikTok is you're just scrolling through it. They legitimately call it war talk.

Yeah. It's like absolute tragedy after tragedy and then Jackson Mahomes cornholing himself in the middle of it and then another tragedy, and you're like, I don't know what's going on, dude. Yo, watching a war unfold on social media, I just saw a comment on Instagram that said, Ukraine's winning the war on Twitter. Yeah. And they are. All the cool videos and shit are all like Ukraine. They need a new social media manager over there in Russia. You guys are getting smoked.

Is it weird that every time I look at the kill count, I go, da-na-na, da-na-na? I don't know if it's good or bad. It's probably bad. I don't know if it's trust. Having real time. I have no idea. I'm flipping through.

All my TikToks are just telling me different things. They're like, Ukraine is going through some shit. And then someone's like, I'm in the Ukraine right now, and it's fine. And then a a next thing and then a kid dancing and then... No, I mean,

I... Like how... How do you control any... You can't control any of it. It's just like a war unfolding and you're... I mean, people are memeing a war. Yeah.

Like legit memes and nicknames and like... Weirdly enough, you've seen how that just has completely destabilized our country. Like just that, just memes. The downfall of the empire was me.

Kind of ruined the social fabric of our country. But so I guess, I don't know, maybe it is an effective way at spreading like hope for the Ukraine or whatever. Like, you know, who knows? They might be getting absolutely piped and we're like, they are crushing it. Yeah, like in my mind, Ukraine's like winning yeah because they're not losing yeah but there's a difference between winning and not losing it's like we're still getting wiped out over here but just not as fast there's talks yeah they just like handed a bunch of guns to civilians there's a guy that was talking that was like i'm just a regular fucking guy and i have this gun now and i'm going to war there's that picture of the teacher crying

holding a gun. There's another one where a lady's breastfeeding a kid and a cat and filling Molotov cocktails at the same time. Shit's different over there. Tim Dillon had a Ukrainian comic on his show and he said, through broken English,

so I don't know what he was trying to say really, but he made it sound like you're a loser if you don't have any guns. He was basically like, I'm trying to get all the guns and artillery for my family because you ain't shit if you don't have any. Hell yeah. Hopefully the fucking America wakes up then. What's this happening? Drop full care package. Give me my gun back.

If we can do Operation Dumbo Drop, we can get them some gum. Win or lose, though, my guy Zelinsky is stocked through the roof. Dude, I've been not off the grid, but I've been a little off the grid for the past five days. The entirety of the war. I don't have a super, I'm not super, everything I see about Zelensky I'm like, I mean, it can't be true. And then I look it up and it is. He's the voice for Paddington Bear. I was like, I saw the thing with him like him doing the

dancing with the stars. I didn't even see that one. I can't even keep up. He won dancing with the stars. Really? Yeah. He won the Ukrainian dancing with the stars. And then he was like, America's got talent or Ukraine's got talent. We played Like Ukrainian dancing Yes he won the Ukrainian Dancing with the Stars 2006 And then He like Was like

America's Got Talent Or Ukraine's Got Talent Where he played Hava Nagila with his dick On a piano What? When the One World Order happens Can we vote for him?

I don't know He had both hands up So I think I don't know It was a talent show Maybe there was Maybe he was being a magician I don't know

It was in Ukrainian But it was He's there Just playing the piano With his cock It was a talent show. Maybe he was being a magician. I don't know. It was in Ukrainian. But it was da-da, na-na-na-na-na-da. And he's there just playing the piano. Is it cock? Is there footage? Yeah, yeah. No, yeah.

It's all of it. And it was like I just kept like every time I looked at my phone, there was just some new thing about the president of Ukraine doing something nuts. He's awesome. He might have the best media instincts of anybody that I've ever seen because he just says the most badass shit every single time. When he won the election,

that quote about, don't hang my picture up in your house. That was awesome. Hang the picture of your kids, look them in the eye, know how much you love them every single day and how much you miss them and what you're doing is for them.

It's like, dude, this guy is... Meanwhile, he turns around and he's like... Who knows what he believes? What he says is great. There's a bunch of Russian children up against the wall and he goes, fire. He goes, fire. Yeah, I mean, that's certainly

what they're trying to imply here. I don't know if it's really happening or not, but they're playing with their dicks. No doubt. Is that Putin with him? I mean, that sounds like a heavy dick. It's hitting the keys with his horse. Mine would be like...

Yeah, this is like a whole team of them. Oh my god. Good for these guys. Good for them. And now this is the war hero. I mean, he, you know, win or lose, he should be like, alright, I'm going back to acting and I'm going to Hollywood. Good for them. And now this is the war hero. Yeah. I mean, he, you know, win or lose, he should be like,

all right, I'm going back to acting and I'm going to Hollywood. Fuck all this shit. That completely disproves the Harvey Dent line of you either die a hero or live long enough to be the villain. It's the exact opposite. It's the exact opposite. Oh, my God. How's the podcast going? It's good.

Excellent. Yeah, real good. Here's the scenario for all those uniniti good. Excellent. Yeah, real good. Here's the scenario for all those uninitiated. But, yeah, it's super fun. It's, you know, we do the same thing you guys do. Basically, it's hypotheticals, more or less infighting. That's what every single episode evolves into.

We have, like, one question, and then we're like, you thought you're fat, you thought you're mean. Essentially, yeah, we literally look like the negative opposite of you. Well, it's funny because it's very clear every episode that none of us have any actual beliefs because we wait for somebody to take a position and then each of us flank him like velociraptors and just peck at that until it becomes ridiculous that they had that thought in the first place. Even if we agree with something, we're like, well, I can't say I agree. I have to fight.

Well... I think we just got to the bottom of our relationship. You just said something that you thought was true, and we're like, wait, we would get along better. Yeah, but it's fun. It's kind of a debate show about nothing. You know what I mean? You just toss up these things, and then you fun. Yeah, it's more like, it's like kind of a debate show about nothing. You know what I mean?

Like you just toss up these things and then you go at it and you try to justify your thoughts as best as you can based on something that truly doesn't and could never exist. Yeah, and like it affects us for a couple of days. Like we're mad at each other for a couple of days because one wouldn't take covered in shit or covered in cum. That's right, yeah. Would you rather pee shit or cum butter? We have high-level listeners. That's a big question. Yeah, they send in the questions, so they know us.

They know how to push our buttons and stuff. They're like, if Brendan was covered in pudding, of course, why do I have to be the one that... When we look back at some of the old answer the internet questions, because, you know, some of those questions are from 2013, probably,

when just times were different and we were like younger too, you know, and it's like things that I'm like, I don't know. It's like, what if a Native American married into your family?

Yeah. You're like, I don't know, I'd be fine with that. That's great. Oh my gosh, dude. That's hilarious. It's so accurate to what it is, because sometimes it's just like horribly racist. That's the questions Oh my gosh, dude. That's hilarious. It's so accurate to what it is because sometimes it's just like horribly racist. That's the questions we get now.

Like midget or black? Yeah. I think there is one that's just like, what would happen if you became black or something like that? This is not even a question. You know, it's funny. It's like then you answer it very honestly. You're like, well, things would be much harder for me.

Sure, I may have gone higher than junior college basketball, but it wouldn't have been worth the sacrifice of the day-to-day struggle. It will definitely help my stand-up. With one extra word, I can take over the whole city. The limit. The funniest ones that are also, like, weird, well,

weirdly sex-based, but not in, like, there'll be things like, would you rather have, like, a billion dollars, or, like, fuck a really hot... There'll be things like, would you rather have a billion dollars or fuck a really hot chick? When I was like 24, I was like, I don't know.

I really want to fuck a hot girl. I really do think about it. So you try to have generational wealth where you never have to lift a finger again, or this porn star tricks you off once. Have a 35-second disappointing encounter with a lady who barely knew it happened. Yeah.

And we were all like, three of us, like, well, you gotta factor in the cum. Yeah. But let's all be honest. Like, come on, dude. Megan Fox! Megan Fox! And then we're like, but what about the toe, man? The toe looks like a thumb.

The toe looks like a thumb. We don't even want to go to Space 4 anyway. I never thought Megan Fox was really all that good looking. Oh, no? Yeah, she seems... want to go to space for anyway. I never thought Megan Fox was really all that good looking. Oh no? Yeah, she seems... Oh, you did it! Oh yeah.

I want a bottle that I... that was just like, oh no! Hey, well, you know... Not really my type. What did you hate when she bent over the open steaming hood of a Mustang? That wasn't for you? No, I'm more of like Kat Dennings. Oh, all right.

I see where you're coming from. Meg likes that one. Yeah, a girl that you could take to a movie. The whole time I feel like if you're sitting with Megan Fox in a movie, she's just making a sound. She's like, eh. Some hot girl sound. What is she, a Prius?

What are you talking about? I don't know. Hot girl sound. She's just becoming like, eh. You know what I mean? That's what I feel like she'd be doing all the time. Just always about to say the next thing I think you've turned me I agree I agree now

you guys should keep score you know I think we each do personally and then it only comes out in one big fight every month like there's always a serious moment where like we give each other, look, this is our safe word.

Unless you want to air some shit on the show. Go no further. Yeah, but then we also, you know, because we're all stand-up comics, so it's like, we were like, I'm going to push it. I know that if I say this, it's bad and it will be, but

that's for Patreon. That's for people to pay to cancel us. For the low price of $5, you can ruin our career. When you guys switch over to Patreon, do you let it fly? Like, is there a difference? Because I wonder, like... We're pretty good at doing it anyway. I was going to say, like, I feel like I wouldn't change all that. Maybe, like, a couple things here and there.

We don't usually, but we are more open to giving names on the Patreon. If there's comedy, gossip, or whatever, something that happened to us, a story in a club, we'll kind of talk about it that way, honestly. But in terms of being more wild or or whatever we're we're kind of already we do it yeah yeah yeah you've you've heard me be a borderline white nationalist we did them all a quick 40 minutes here it's amazing how quick how quick you can ruin your life. It's fun, though. It is fun. It's a fun ruin. It's adrenaline rush. Right on the edge.

Look, here's my camera. I dare you to ruin my life. If you think you can ruin it any more than I've already ruined it, I dare you. I would love some advocacy group. It's like, oh, you see what this guy said? We got to cancel. And they do some research into Sagal, and they're like, leave him alone. This is too much.

Leave his poor soul alone. Can you walk through the Burger King drive-thru? Let's leave him be. Yeah, I've been living like the Ukraine forever. That's just life, man. Yeah, where's my fund me? Wouldn't that be great? Like, go on your sagal and you're reading the description.

It's like, just because. Yeah. Description why. Have you seen what's going on? Here's a live webcam into my room in my apartment. Watch it for 30 minutes and figure it out. It's your roommate just jabbing the wall. It's coming through my room.

It's just barely missing my face. You're podcasting. It's just right out of frame. So I think I would be covered in poop. It's amazing how long that can work, man. I mean, we've been doing it for like a decade and there's just no shortage of poop, dick, cum, hypotheticals, animal fighting scenarios.

It just keeps going, and there's always people who are entertained by it. Yeah, and as you get older, you answer the same questions kind of differently. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. We've done some throwbacks where like we played – we did it once at a live show where it was like I paused it, and it was like, you know, did we say A, B, or C? Wildly different.

And things where I'm like, I can't believe I said fucking B on this one. Write that down, we're also taking it. Because then you can just recycle everything. What else did you guys do? Weird voice to text. We do the whole thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know. Siri record conversation. Tell me more of your Siri. We always walk out, though, and we're like, we get podcast amnesia. We never remember things because we've said nothing of importance. Nothing of importance. Exactly. No substance at all.

The way the human brain hears it is like, this is not worth it. Which I also think is why it's good and entertaining because it's the same reason I watch Entourage all the time. It's dessert. It's like, it's just, you don't have to think, you're just entertained by nothing. And it's like, you agree or disagree, but it's not anything that matters.

Yeah, and you know, like we said, it's like the show is whatever, but it's more about our best friendship, like me, him, and Feeney. So it's like, it gets, you know, there's more about our, our like best friendship, like me, him and Feeney. So it's like, it gets,

you know, there's sometimes where we're all like, we're all doing great, right? We're all hugging each other. And then other times it's like, what's your fucking problem? That's the most of the time.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, speaking of, should we go next door and do ATI? Yeah. Let's go. All right.

Big thank you to Mike and Sagalow. When Canon gets going, he's so fucking funny, man. Cannon's awesome. And Sagalow's like the perfect friend and foil for it. They play off each other really well. It's a similar dynamic to ours, but man, Cannon is a fucking riot when he gets cooking. We also got another funny comic for you here,

another interview. It's Moammer. It's brought to you by Masterworks. Now, you can buy your crypto and you can invest in your stocks or whatever. You want to be a real baller like my man, Uncle Stevie Cohen, you got to invest in art. And for most of us, that's impossible because we don't have $141 million to spend on a sculpture. We don't have $48 million to spend on a- That is so- $141 on the pointy, man.

And you see these things that are $48 million. It's just a blue square. We don't have that kind of money. But what Masterworks allows you to do is invest in shares of art. So you can own a Picasso, technically. It's like owning a horse. You can own a share of it. You can own a Banksy. You can own a Cause. You can own a Basquiat. It's like owning a horse where you can own a share of it. You can own a Banksy.

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person because we did it over zoom and it just it didn't hit right it was fun though i still have fun no it was good but it's just you guys it. It was fun, though. I still had fun. No, it was good. But it's just so much better in person. So I was like, let's run it back. God damn, you smell good. Yo, I don't know what it is. I feel like. It's a secret, too.

I feel like. Do you keep it a secret? Oh, yeah, yeah. Meaning like just which brand or it's like some shit you can't even get? Yeah, both. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. Fuck off.

You can get it, bud. You're mixing some shit up in your bathtub or something that's going on? Yes, exactly get yeah both yeah a little bit yeah fuck off you can get it you're mixing some shit up in your bathtub or something that's going on would you tell me if I asked you off camera I would not

no really dude see I don't wear I don't wear deodorant people who have a cologne they go to they don't tell why don't you wear

deodorant I just don't need it like so I don't so I don't stink but I don't smell good it's weird he doesn't sweat he doesn't he't smell good. It's weird.

He doesn't sweat. He doesn't have hair. It's bizarre. I'm not like, I'm an anti-deodorant. If I see a deodorant, I'll pop it on. Sure, I don't give a shit. I'm not a deodorant guy. I'm an antiperspirant guy. Yeah, me too.

I need the shit that's like, I'm not going to sweat. Oh, I don't even know what the difference is. Deodorant just like masks the smell. So all of a sudden, it's just like your sweat and your deodorant smell mixed together. Antiperspirant gets in there and stops the fucking sweating. It clogs your pores. Yeah. The good shit.

See, I don't need that. That chemical shit. No, you don't need that, but most people do. I need that for sure, dude. But I feel like if I were to wear, I feel like white guys who wear cologne smell like douchebags. Yeah, cologne is a thing. It's like a different, you know what I mean?

This is the thing that happened to me. Dude, speaking of all of this, this is going to be a little inside baseball. This weekend, when our cab driver picked us up and we stopped at Walmart. Oh, Mr. Joey? Mr. Joey. Where were you? We were in Naples for a wedding. And we stopped at Walmart.

Kevin had to get shoes for a wedding. So we stopped at Walmart. $24 at Walmart. And our cab driver went in and bought cologne. Obsession. Calvin Klein. And couldn't open it. And he needed to put it on in that moment he said I bought the cologne that I used to wear back in the 80's it was a Calvin Klein obsession

obsession is mad old it's like the first cologne ever I think he legit said this is what I wore when I was a kid I'm doing the math it was when he was in the 70's and 80's when I was a kid it was all about that cool water. Yeah. Cool water. There was cool water.

We had Aqua De Geo or Aqua De Joe. There was... I was Polo Blue. Polo Blue was my... Polo was a big one. Curve, what's it called?

Curve. Curve. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The little fucking... I rocked the Nautica one. I had the Nautica blue like looked like a boat. Yeah.

But I feel like, yeah, that's like the perception I have when I put on cologne is like I feel like I'm an eighth grader going to like the school dance again trying to smell I feel like, yeah, that's like the perception I have when I put on cologne is like, I feel like I'm an eighth grader going to like the school dance again trying to smell good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just stopped doing colognes. I don't do colognes. So what is this scent then? It's like a mixture of oils, you know? Oh! That's that real shit. Yeah, yeah. Like you could take a bath in the thing

if you wanted to, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it just becomes like part of you. So you just always like what I mean? Yeah, yeah. So it just becomes like part of you. So you just always smell like this? Yeah. Listen. I'm a little uncomfortable.

I'm about to jump your bones, bro. I had a bunch of caffeine today. That makes me kind of gay. Hello. I'm going to just step right out. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get out of your head. I'm going to get step right out. Oh, yeah.

Mo came in smelling good, and John had a coffee, and next thing you know, I was on the outs. We've adopted three children. Damn. That is probably some cultural shit, too, though. Nobody in my family is mixing up oils and smelling good, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. You guys got the inside track on that one. No, we do, we do.

It's definitely an ancient thing, for sure. Right, right. So that's just you all the time, then? Like, you just always, oh, fuck. Pretty much, pretty much. Even when, like, you forget, you still, like, it's because it's not like an overpowering, it's not like a Persian guy you know what I mean

I loved him a Persian man what if all of a sudden what if like next time we met each other I smelled like somewhat

like you would you be like what the fuck's going on like how'd you figure out that shit I would be inquisitive I would be like what's what happened

but it's also not that hard. You know, like you got to just go and do it. Yeah. We're going to start getting smell analysts in this room. And I like the subtlety of it. You would never guess. Yeah, no.

The next time, we're going to fuck it up. Some women, someone would be like, is that tobacco? Vanilla? Like, I swear to God. A little hint of whiskey in there. Right. Yeah, there is whiskey in there. Right. Yeah, there is some tobacco scent. Write that down.

Tobacco and vanilla. Yeah, yeah. Did you think you were going to tell me what you smell like? I thought we were already on. We're rocking, man. Let's go. What are we doing here? Yeah, no, that's usually how this show goes.

People are always like, wait, what? That was it? Yeah, that was the interview, bro. So what are you in New York for? Carolines? Yeah, i'm doing carolines this week i'm getting back out because i just filmed my series so i've just been editing the my my baby yeah how much of a hand you have in that all of it you're doing yourself yeah wow that is that is like i feel like that's where a lot of the real work comes into right no it is No, it is. It absolutely is, man. And it's been so much fun, bro. It's been so much.

Like I've really, I knew that I would enjoy it, but I didn't know I would love it as much as I am loving it. Like I think this might be my favorite part of the process. Really? Yeah, because you're like putting all the pieces together, right? It's like the things that are in your head that you couldn't necessarily like communicate as well, now you're getting just to execute them and then the producers and everybody gets to see. We just pass it off to him and he makes the magic happen.

Yeah. I don't even remember half the things that we film or say or whatever. Yeah, sure. But it's definitely a collaborative effort, of course. But the story is definitely in my DNA. It's about my life and it's important to do that. But I love the notes too. It's like important. Sometimes you're too close to the elephant. You know, it's about my life and it's important to do that. But I love the notes too. You know, it's like important.

Sometimes you're too close to the elephant. You can't really see it. And then somebody will give you a note like, man, why didn't I see that? And then you just fix it or you get something and you're like, oh, I know what's missing here. It's not that note, but it's this, you know? So it's been a lot of fun just working out this puzzle, man. For the longest time, we all were just kind of working on our own almost like early days sure

and it was like you maybe had a friend filming for you or a girlfriend holding the phone or whatever sure for the long and for the longest time we didn't really have like our cameraman or our editor or whatever right you realize how valuable that is when you like get the right people because there are times i'll film something i'm like that wasn't that funny but in the way they cut it edit and all of like, now it's fucking hilarious. Exactly. And so it really is just as bad. And then sometimes the opposite thing happens where you're like,

this is going to be so funny, and then you watch it, you're like, oh, we got to fix this. And then you put it together, and it's really funny, just as you thought, but it required some massaging. But the show has been so much fun. That's why I haven't been doing that much stand-up because it just requires so much time. And I got Common to score the show.

So Common and the band have just been in the studio. And that's been like an amazing experience just seeing that all come together. Just seeing them play with different sounds and vibes. And that's just for like the music in the scene. Yeah, and the scoring of the whole series. Yeah, yeah, the whole thing. And when can we expect that? Is there any due date or there any due date or anything supposed to be like early fall i don't have i don't know it's not that's why i'm like i wrote the opening of the series like december 2014 what's like the vibe of the series what what can we expect it's about a refugee uh

living in texas you know basically off of my special like Muhammad living in Texas but just talking about how he's still waiting for his papers and he has to work under the table and he has a bunch of these like odd jobs

while he's trying to take care of his you know look after his mom and his brother his dad died when he was young and his brother's autistic and you know

it's just like dealing through that whole world and navigating that while telling these great origin stories through flashbacks you know

what's the mom's story what's the dad's story what's the brother about you know like still comedy or is this like yeah let me tell you something

it's a really grounded comedy where all the characters are like stripped down you know it's like real characters in the show and there's definitely

some potent you know sad moments right right right serious moments when we talked to you weren't you like at your middle school or something like that I think yeah I think that's where I was filming that definitely some potent, you know, sad moments. Right, right, right. Like, just serious moments. When we talked to you, weren't you, like, at your middle school or something like that? I think, yeah.

I think that's where I was filming that flashback. I'll show you off, man. It's just, like, they just uploaded it to Netflix, like, on the, you know, where I can preview. And it's just, it was so exciting to see it for the first time. That's got to be so, like, back in Boston. And I'm not from Boston, but it's my home state. Sure. And even that was like, oh, this is sick. Like, I'm back home.

Yeah, yeah. It's how refugees feel, bro. Exactly. It's home, bro. I'm like, you know. I didn't feel like I was at your actual school and stuff. What's cool is that if you nail it, or even come close to nailing it, like, the fans, the people from there, they love the fact that you put them on

yeah no absolutely it's the first narrative sitcom ever filmed in Houston so there's which is shocking which is crazy I think I remember you saying that

and I was like get the fuck out of here no way it's bananas it's the first ever it's not like some little you know it's the fourth largest city in America

it's like how has this not happened and it has so much to offer and it's so unique in it's own right so I just thought like you know I've always had the vision of doing a show in Houston. That was a big selling point. That's the only reason, not selling point, but part of the pitch was

we're filming this in Houston, just FYI. We have to do it in Houston. I'm not doing it in a – I'm not doing Reba in Houston, which is a great show. No shade to Reba. I want no smoke with Reba back in there, bro. No smoke. I want to show no shade to Reba I want no smoke I want Reba back in there bro no smoke I want to come out

and see Reba which was you know took place in Houston but was filmed in a studio in LA you never really we filmed everything

you live in LA though right no you live in Houston I live in Houston Houston, New York yeah yeah I'm in New York probably three or four months

out of the year and then touring so I'm just you know getting back up on stage and getting it going again. I haven't taken this much time off in like 23 years of stand-up, so it's very weird. When was the last time you were on stage? I went up on Friday, but the first time.

A little prior. How long was the longest? A few. It was like a month for a guy that goes up relentlessly every week, which is really odd, but also really important. For you guys, it's like missing a meal. It's like you go up seven times a week, which is really odd, but also really important. Yeah, for you guys, it's like missing a meal. It's like, you know, you go up seven times a week. It's really weird.

You take a month off. It's like, you know, you're not breathing. Yeah, yeah. Dave called me the other day. He's like, you going up? Because he's in town doing shows and stuff. And I go, man, I'm doing shows all week, and I'm getting like the butterflies. I'm like, ooh, it's exciting.

So that's a really cool feeling to have, actually, to step away from it. But it's like, I can't fuck this up. You're like, ooh, it's exciting. So that's a really cool feeling to have actually to step away from it. But it's like, I can't fuck this up. You know what I mean? I gotta do this. It's either I'm the pride of Houston

or I'm moving to Waxahachie. Yeah, I feel like you're pretty established though. No, it's a great show. J.J. Watt got traded.

Yeah, yeah. There's another Curtis. You're the king now. Yeah, Desha There's another Curtis. You're the king now. Yeah, yeah. Deshaun's gone. You guys are the king of Houston now. What's the guy?

What a garbage franchise. I mean, Houston sports is not really big, bro. No, Houston Astros are killing it. It's still fine. I know. The Astros are great. They're beloved by me. The most popular guys out there.

You want to talk about a trash organization? You're talking about a literal trash can organization, bro. I'm all about it. I'm a fan. I hate it. We're pro-cheating. I'm all about it. I'm not anti-fucking-

First of all, they all cheat. Yeah, right. The Yankees are about to get pinched. They went to the U.S. Congress of Appeals, and they said you have to unseal this letter. There's been a letter for like five years that was sealed by the Yankees that has them cheating, and they've just gone to the furthest lengths to keep this shit sealed.

Like it's some sort of fucking government assassination document. They're going to open it up and be like, you used Apple Watches to cheat, and that's going to be it. But everybody does it. I don't feel like, I really don't believe that he had some kind of like, Altuve had some wire.

I think it was a garbage. He looked at his picture. He didn't want his shirt ripped off. Shut up. He didn't do, he didn't help any, he didn't do himself any favors though when he said like,

my wife was going to get mad at me if they told him I was wrong. That was, I forgot about that. That was suspect. That was weird. They were trying to tear his shirt off on the home.

You never know Crazy girls Some type of relationship Very conservative Like I don't want you out there Alright Mr. Altubre Alright We're not in court here

We're not defending him Are you fucking Jose? I would like to tell Jose How good does he smell? You know Thank you Jose For that autographed baseball In the middle of the game

Last season It was very sweet That's what happened In the middle of the game. Last season, it was very sweet. That's what happened in the middle of the game. I'm not going to talk trash about my guy. No, you shouldn't. No, you shouldn't. I think he's wildly talented.

I'm a Massachusetts guy, which makes me a Patriots guy, which obviously makes me a Brady guy. Tom Brady's on something. Absolutely. Let's make sure we cut that and have that. Oh, I've said that a million times. Tom Brady's doing something. He's 43 years old, I think. That doesn't make sense.

So when it comes out that Tom Brady did something, I'm not going to be like, oh, my God, no way. He's on a Brazilian diet. Yeah, no fucking shit he is. He's on something illegal. That's for sure. I love when people think, like, if you're talking about business and fucking

finance and stock market and trade you know that everyone in that in that game and the legal game lawyers and all that shit you know that there are grimy fucking like sleazy cheaters who you know right so why would it not be why would your favorite athlete yeah robert kraft still owns the patriots even though he got jerked off in a massage parlor. By the way, talk about Robert Kraft. He recently got engaged. Yeah, which is insane. He's 80 years old.

He's 80 years old. Yeah, for her. No, dude, that's the fucked up, that's the sexist part of media and all that shit. Everyone thought he was dating some cute little blonde. She's old, too? No, she's a 34-year-old doctor. Oh, so she's doing good herself? Yeah.

She doesn't need Robert Kraft. Well, listen, there's Dr. Money and then there's Bob Kraft Money. Dude, Dr. Money. Dr. Money ain't what it used to be, bro. Dr. Money is not what you think it is. It's not a franchise. How many doctors do you know who are a sports franchise? What's the Chris Rock joke?

He just got out of school. With the Chris Rock when he talks about the neighborhood, he lived in, in Jersey when it was like, he's like, uh, he's like, it's me,

Jay Z and, uh, Eddie Murphy live in this neighborhood. And he's like, you know, one of the greatest comics, the greatest comic, the greatest rapper.

And it's like, our neighbor's a dentist. That's hilarious. People need those teeth, baby. People need the teeth. It is like that. And I look at those guys too and i think about them i'm like kind of envious of that you know what i mean like they're doing super well and it's not under a microscope yeah being rich but not famous yeah is where it's you know like to not to not i mean even look at look look at

chapelle it's like every fucking thing he says now is under a microscope right yeah it's at. Is it? Isn't it right? I think so. To not, to not, I mean, even look at, look at Chappelle. It's like every fucking thing he says now is under a microscope, right? Yeah. It's like, if you could just, imagine you just do your thing

and people bug you. I mean, but do you remember the greatest dentist of all time? No. You know what I'm saying? I'll tell you what, I know my dentist has an indoor pool.

I know that. You remember that? I know that for a fucking fact. Yeah, but, but. And I know he doesn't wake up every day in a panic and check Twitter to see if he's in trouble. I'm sure he's fantastic.

Also, when he's dead, nobody's looking at pictures of his greatest work ever. Look at that rear molar work he did. Wow. Look at that trench mouth he fixed. She didn't have any teeth. Wow. Permanent dentures? I've never.

But you know what? That's going to live on forever. It's not going to happen. But I don't care about that. If you're not a legacy guy, yeah. I'm not a legacy guy. When I'm dead, don't talk about me ever again. We won't.

Don't worry, we won't. You want to be talked about. No. Trust me. No, no, no. I don't want to be talked about while I'm alive. Forget about when I'm dead. Is that it?

Now I'm keeping you alive. Whether you like it or not I'm visiting your grave for the rest of your life my mom's gonna be like she's full of love Mo busted a hotel a hospital room

but it's actually happening in a hotel leave it in just right before you die I'll tell you what cologne I'm wearing it's final words

take care tobacco vanilla cucumber lavender there's no cucumber Final words. Tobacco, vanilla, cucumber, lavender. There's no cucumber. That's the only thing. You don't know anything about it.

I don't know shit, dude. Dude, lavender is a little too much estrogen. Yes, that's white girl shit. I remember hearing about that when I was in college. And that lavender has a lot of estrogen in it. And it was like, I remember in college when I was a dumb idiot, and I continue to be today, but it was like, estrogen gives you

fucking tits. So I wouldn't eat soy. I was like, I'm out. And I wouldn't do anything with lavender. So I heard lavender gave you tits. And the thing is, I already had tits. You don't want them to get bigger though. I didn't want them to get bigger. That's understandable, honestly.

You're happy with a B cup. He's like, look, I're happy with the B cup. I don't have any room left. He's like, look, I got to stay with the B cup. I'm like fighting my roommates. Did you get lavender shampoo? You remember when we were kids and we found out that Mountain Dew and Yellow Starburst were? Did you know that shit? I forgot. Anything that had Yellow No. 5 in it.

So Yellow Starburst and Mountain Dew and anything that was yellow number five in it with like, so yellow starburst and mountain dew and anything that was like yellow colored. Yeah. Apparently like lowered your sperm count or something. And apparently like fifth grade me was worried about my sperm. Oh, I was like, I can't, I can't. I'm pretty sure like every fast food restaurant and every piece of like canned food, all of it is just garbage.

I'm pretty sure that all of it affects you in the wrong way. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's like this whole idea, is it cleared by the FDA? I want the shit that's not cleared. That'll make me feel way more comfortable. You got to get a damn booster and all this shit. I'm so sick of it. I still haven't gotten that.

I had to do it contractually. I had to do it. It's working out in New York. I was about sick of it. I still haven't gotten that. I had to do it. Contractually, I had to do it. Did you? It's working out in New York. I was about to get it, but then I got COVID. But it's just like, to get the vaccine itself, you could just walk into fucking the Javits. Yeah. And you can't do that anymore.

And I don't make appointments for anything. Well, here's the thing. I'm not anti anything either. I'm like anti no logic. You know, like I've had COVID twice. Speak about it publicly in my special and i'm vaccinated obviously i'm good to go scientifically i'm good to go yeah you know what i mean i've kissed covid in the lips unknowingly like 30 40 times and i didn't get

covid i'm pretty sure i'm good now you know i now. There's no no no. You can't talk this way. I know, but it's also... This is the rules. Go get your jab. It's going to be this way forever, dude. Or not forever, but for a long... It's going to be this way long enough that it's like... I got a tinkle in my... A little tickle in my

pinky toe. Is that from the booster? I don't know. That's happening right now. Or is it bad posture? I don't know. I'm scared. I got a bad pinky toe myself. I write pinky toe. Is that from the booster? I don't know. That's happening right now. Or is it bad posture? I don't know. I'm scared. I got a bad pinky toe myself. My right pinky toe. I was just kidding.

Not good. No, my right pinky is bad. I haven't had the booster. I'm not playing the booster. I feel like that's not the only thing. I feel like there's more story behind it. Yeah, diabetes as well. God forbid.

God forbid. God forbid. You feel like you got the itch for your own show doing Rami and stuff, or was that always in the plan for you? No, actually, the story is that I pitched Rami on this opening scene of my series a long time ago because we were hanging out a lot. And for a stretch in L.A., we shared an apartment just going back and forth when I was in and out.

That's a bomb spot right there. And I was like, yo, I got this great idea for for a show and we were talking about a show for me and i was just like really focused about doing my first special and then from there doing my series and another special and and so um yeah that flashback i pitched him before he even like you know um thought of a show for himself which was so exciting for him obviously i love rami we're partners and that's my guy you know it's my brother so yeah it was just a great situation it was already it already existed before um the show rami uh came out so that's something that actually chapelle encouraged me to do he was we were working together at the house of blues in dallas and after i performed he walked up to me

and he goes hey man we should do you know you should we should do your special and you should maybe do like a short film up top and I've never like thought about that before I was like oh short film up top it's like yeah I could probably do that that's in my mind I just couldn't shake it bro I just couldn't stop thinking about it he was like if you do it right boom and he taps me on the shoulder he's like you can win an Emmy in my mind, I just couldn't shake it, bro. I just couldn't stop thinking about it. The seed was planted. He was like, if you do it right, boom. And he taps me on the shoulder. He's like, you can win an Emmy if you do this right.

I was like, damn. I was like, that's coming from Dave. Like, he was in the middle of his comeback. He hasn't even put out a special yet at that time. And then I was like, okay. I couldn't sleep, thank you. And then it was like four days of like, can't stop thinking about it, staying up all night and just started, and then it was like four days of like can't stop thinking about it staying up all night and and just started and then it started coming together like the opening for the series that

that we filmed today so well you you start thinking about like the content right but like no i started thinking about the short film like what would a short film look like but like logistically how do you start like okay who like you have a director a producer a film you know what i mean there's so many even thinking yeah like how like how do you get that ball rolling well i think i have a directorial mind so there's a lot of stuff yeah yeah it was just about like seeing the camera movements and the and then i started attaching music to it and then the music started helping me a lot so i probably listened to like 100 tracks i don't know how many it was a lot of tracks over the four days and then i landed on a track and i was like that's it and then i started seeing the visual clearly and then i did it over

and over again and then i i remember uh dave was filming his uh first special in austin deep in the heart of texas and on the tour bus i like i've been telling him for a while like hey man i got that i think i got it i think i got the short. I got it. He was kind of avoiding me a lot. He was like, what if it sucks? I like, you know, I'm going to curse this guy. Like, it's going to be bad. And so I cornered him in the bus, and I put down the speaker. It was his own speaker, and I connected my phone.

I played the song, and I acted it out for him. And he looked at me and goes, that's genius. He goes, that's genius. You should save that. I was like, OK. Is he one of those guys that, like, if he He goes, that's genius. You should save that. I was like, okay. Is he one of those guys that if he says it, he means it? Oh, man. He's not the type to be like, yeah, that's dope, man.

No, he won't say anything. I know when he doesn't like something because I filmed a special on my own in D.C. And it was dope. It was really cool. But it wasn't the one. So I remember showing him a clip of it. And he goes, cool, man. He didn't say anything.

He didn't say anything. Yeah, which is the sign. I was like, we're dumping it. We're not selling it. That's cool, though. It's like, I don't want to discourage you, but I don't want to be phony. Yeah, he said that. I got goosebumps just hearing you say it.

It was really cool. And then I started pitching. I told Rami about it. I did that. It was really cool. And then I started pitching. I started, I told Rami about it. I did that. And it was, it was like early 2015. And I started, you know,

people that I trusted around me. And, and I just held on to it. And then when we were pitching it, I took a little speaker in the room. Yeah. Did the same thing. Might as well.

Right. Right. Right. So, so yeah, that's how it was like the opening for the pilot. So that's, that's what it is.

That's fucking awesome. Yeah. Yeah. It's a wild, and we talked about this a little bit on the first interview, but to just have a guy like, with the mind like his in your camp to just bounce things off. Yeah, he's a friend and like,

he really cares for me. I think, you know, just surrounding yourself with great people like that in general, like I have really, really talented and also also really special people. Amir Sleiman, who's one of the greatest poets, honestly, maybe American poet ever. He's just starting to get the writing that he deserves.

He just got nominated for a Grammy with 846, the album with Dave. He put him on the B side. I brought him out to Ohio, which is dope. And just having great people. Azar Asman, you might to Ohio, which is dope. And just having just great people. Azar Asman, you might know him, might not know him. He's a great writer. But just having really good people around you that are just real. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I mean, in an industry like this, too, where I feel like so many people are the exact opposite of that. Yeah. No, I still talk to my friends from middle school. That's what you need. We're in a WhatsApp group every day, busting balls. Every day. I think the people who don't have that is where you go south.

If all your friends, family, everything is new people from your industry life, it's like the Kanye effect. I feel like none of the people you came up with are still with him, and so you're not even that person anymore. I'm adding. I'm adding. Yeah, sure, sure. But it's about like do you lose do you detract because you can add as many people as you want sure but you got to have the original people who are like oh man the best yeah my mother's like the the center point for all that for me you know like

she's she's always like grounding me and all that but i i you know i grew up that way i came from nothing bro i'm a refugee, bro. I fled war. I have my own series on Netflix and two specials. Like, I'm one. I was going to say, this is victory laps. I beat it, yeah. This is running up the score this morning. Yeah, and I have a big plan still.

I have a really big vision, ambitious vision, but it's like, you know what I mean? Like, I feel none of that. No, absolutely. I feel nothing but just, like, smiles. You know, finally, you know, I feel none of that. No, absolutely. I feel nothing but just, like, smiles. You know, finally, you know, I'm starting to feel happy again. Like, you know, I got divorced, like, fucking 18 months ago in the middle of this thing.

Dude, what was that? You were telling us about that in the first interview when you rolled up to the hotel with the car and you told the valet, like, she can't take this. Yeah, that's the one that you said, right? I didn't say that. It was something along those that. It was something along those lines.

It was a very amicable divorce. You know what I mean? I know that game though. It's not easy, man. My car and my shit. She was very nice. She folded everything

really nice for me and put it in storage. It was very sweet. That's how I could tell she really cared about me. I looked at all the storage unit and I was like, everything's really folded up

real nice and tight. You know what I mean? She really cared about me. I looked at all the storage unit, and I was like, everything's really folded up real nice and tight. You know what I mean? She really cared about me. I get that. I get that. I'd be like, that would definitely make it easier. Yeah. At least it's folded.

Yeah, at least it's really nice. It looks nice. Labeled. It's a tough one. It's going to be made it worse. I wish you threw everything in here. That's hard to go through. I feel like sometimes when people watch athletes entertainers comics singers whatever you know you don't you never think

about their real life it's like i was doing all that shit and trying to make you laugh saying whatever while going through a divorce or while dealing with a death or while dealing with medical issues or whatever and very very very few people will ever like think of that or give you that slack or mention that you know bro it was so depressing i can't yeah no i know yeah no because i got black adam the movie and then i had to i had to unfortunately not because i didn't want to do it but because i was supposed to be filming my series the same time they were filming Black Adam. So I couldn't do it. So I didn't want to pass, but I passed. And so I was like, damn.

That's a tough one. It was brutal. Was there any thought of trying to push it off or whatever? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Or I'm like, I'm minus, you know, because I wanted to do right. Yeah. So I'm in a spot.

I went to go look at a house. I'm like full-blown depression, right? And I'm doing shows. They're spelling Rogan at that time. Rogan, you know, right i'm in a spot i went to go look at a house i'm like full-blown depression right and i'm doing shows they're spelling rogan at that time rogan you know what are you gonna do and no we're doing shows down there and and i just was like fighting this depression constantly i'm supposed to be rewriting the whole series because you know after you're done with the room you have it i couldn't get like a single word i was so hard to just like do anything and i this is so great so i just like you know what the series is not ready i ended up making a hard decision to like push until the

fall of the film and then i was like damn i could have done the movie this is horrible i went to go look at a house i was like this will be good get stable again find myself a house in houston i found one i drove from austin to houston and i saw. I told the real estate agent, let's get it. He calls me five minutes later. He's like, they accepted an offer. I'm like, why would they let me come in three hours to see the thing? I was like, fuck these people. I'm so mad.

That's fucked up. And then I had three days left at the condo where I was staying at. I was like, oh, no. What am I going to do? And then I decided to go to therapy. So FaceTime or whatever. I was like, yo, I need to talk to somebody because this is not working.

So I see a therapist. I'm sitting there. It was an amazing therapy session. She gave me some gems. Dip out. I'm looking at the script like this, and I'm starting to write a little bit, smoke a little weed. And then I get a call from my agent saying,

your replacement for Black Adam is not working out. Can we do I was like go lock this thing in now immediately why are you calling me it was one of those and then I went from not having a place to stay you know figuring out where I'm gonna do next obviously I was gonna be okay like I'm doing well yeah it's just one of those things that's hectic yeah it's just like emotionally doesn't help. Right, right. And they were like, they need you to leave tomorrow. I was like, perfect. I got to go. I got 48 hours left anyway. Yeah, it's just like one of those things.

Like whatever is truly like destined for you and written for you is going to happen. So back in Black Adam. Oh, yeah. I finished it. I finished it. And we're doing reshoots. That is a second chance at very often, very infrequently where you get a second crack at something like passing on that. That's incredible.

It was great. What was that like? It was incredible, man. It was really – when Pierce Brosnan was telling you this was one of the dopest things I've ever done. He is the best. You could have said Dwayne Johnson. I wouldn't have reacted like that. Pierce Brosnan is my guy. That's James Bond,wayne Johnson. I wouldn't have reacted like that. Fierce Ross is the fucking guy.

Let me tell you something. That's James Bond, bro. Exactly. His first scene was with me. Because I had already been filming that, and he showed up a little bit later on for his whatever, his bracket of, I forgot the name of it. I'm just saying.

His whatever. I'm going off. Little sleep and travel. But he's really like one of my favorite human beings. I bet he smells great. What was it that he did? I smell better. Yeah, you do.

We had the best time, dude. We had the best time. He's the fucking major. He just walks around like, ah, life. It's all the time. And at first, I was like, I think I get it. And then you really got it. He's just, like, taking in the air.

And I think a lot of people forget, like, we're one breath away from, like, not existing. And this guy is just constantly, like, taking in the oxygen and really living it. And he's been through a tough situation, too. Like, you know, he has, you know, God bless him. I don't want, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody's got that grind. Yeah, but he has all that history bless him i don't want you know yeah yeah he's everybody's got that grind yeah he's but he's has all that extra shit yeah yeah and the last day he filmed like everyone was just yeah like people were in tears like and that's a that's a big time

project to be a part of too i mean for sure obviously with the rock for sure and he was great too man he was great when i i wanted him to surprise the audience and like send a video i asked him to do that for to introduce me for my special and with zero intention of asking him like can i use it for this but like i really didn't i just like i want to surprise houston it'll be dope to have him introduce me and then he was like i did it with this cadence so you can use it in your special if you want it was like no shit i was like that's awesome you know it was one of those i'll ask you this question because I do it. I'm on a crusade and on it my whole career

to just find somebody that has one bad story about The Rock. I think it's impossible. Yeah, yeah. Like I always say, did he one day not hold the door for you?

Is there anything that this guy did that one time you were like, oh, all right. What a complete asshole. Let me tell you something. Real crazy shit guy. Let me tell you something. Real crazy shit guy. Let me tell you something.

I literally have not heard one. Bought me lunch. It was a pork sandwich. I'm like, what is this? I'm a Muslim. Disrespect. He was like, it's Hawaiian. It's been roasted.

I don't want to hear it. Fuck you, Dwayne. And I did one of these and he flinched and I was like, we good? And I just walked away. That guy's living, dude. I don't want to brag.

When they were checking out my physique with my shirt, they were using the rock dummy for it. Oh, that's what your role was, right? In Black Adam. You were the stunt double. You were filling in for him. Sorry, Tenowai. Yeah, I was just like, once they were using my frame,

like his frame to fit my jacket, I knew. That was the moment, yeah. I'm the guy, really. Let's be honest. Shit, man. So think about it, though. Everybody on there was. Specials, your own series, Black Adam, appearances on other series.

I mean, and getting back on stage. Life is good, dude. No, it's good. It sounds like you were at a low point or at least a rough patch. I'm a homeless guy. Yeah. It's been great. Look, I'm very blessed as a homeless guy.

I don't even want to make jokes like that. I'm living good. I don't want to feel like I'm ungrateful. Gratitude is really important. Sure. And i know there's almost always somebody worse off than you no matter what your stage is literally but also sometimes we go so far the other direction where it's like okay just because i am successful maybe monetarily or fame whatever that doesn't mean that i can't be depressed or upset or exactly you know so it's like yes to that yeah it's important to remember like that you did you know hit a valley and now

back at a peak for sure for sure and i think it was important to go through and your heart's never impervious to that either you're ignoring it and eventually it's just gonna hit the fan or you're in a minute i'm like a sensitive dude to all that i'm sensitive to energy i'm sensitive how i feel i'm really like just that as I am. I didn't create myself. This is what I am. And it's one of those things that I just, you know, that I just was aware of, and it was like hyper real experience for me.

And, man, it was really important to go through that for everything else to do what it's supposed to do. I feel like you're in a, like, not much controversy around you or anything like that, right? Like I feel like it's hard to be, like at Barstool there's always a lot of drama and shit because you get on the negative side of the internet where you're fighting people and battling.

That shit can take its toll. Yeah, I don't do that. Stay happy. Stay fucking. Well, here's the thing. I have a problem. Social media to me is a little bit depressing, to be honest with you.

A little bit. I need to be able to flip that. I really hope in the near future i could flip that but also people who are critical of my work or whatnot it's like it's not really the spot to have these kind of conversations and i'm okay of course you got to be okay with criticism what we do and what we put out but also like rushing to judgment without understanding the full scope of the work or the piece of art you're putting out is also like really annoying you know what i mean it's just like you were all these years you're so thoughtful and you're working on every single detail like he's at it fuck you you know like you're just you're just mad at yourself bro yes that's the thing it's almost like they're rushing to judgment

and you're almost rushing to judgment on them. And you deserve to rush to judgment on them, but it's like that dude talking that shit has all his shit that's been bothering him and fucking up his life. It's just like everybody needs to forget about pretty much everything. There's a reason we shouldn't talk to each other, though.

Definitely not like this. Yeah, those people are strangers, man. They mean nothing. Yeah, well, no, I care about the people. I want them to watch my stuff. I want them to enjoy it. And it's like comedy is an art form. It's very subjective.

And there's at least – I'd like to think of myself as somebody who's really thoughtful about what he's saying and what he's crafting or putting together. It's just really annoying for someone to be just so dismissive right so quickly and it's very few and far between honestly uh but it's still like nausea oh i feel like as long as you can tell me you don't like me or you don't think it's funny or whatever yeah but just don't dismiss that like you know it was it was hard or it was thoughtful or it took time or other people worked on it and you know it's like you hate me you know, basically you're condemning all of their work and his work and her work. You're talking to a guy who started pre-9-11 as named Muhammad Mustafa Bajar.

Amr, sorry, Amr. And it's like, and that's my family name. But it's like at the same time, it's like you don't understand that there's most places in the south where i've done stand-up as a teenager and my early 20s that they probably still to this day have not run into another muhammad right you understand where i came from i came from like below zero like it was a situation where i was navigating not only just you know getting, getting gigs, but also like looking around a little bit and seeing what it is and then just being able to win that crowd over and leave

like a line like, yo, this is such an experience. And I understood the importance of what I was doing on such a like intimate level. And that's why when, when early on, when I first started, whether it be my mother worried for me or discounting it or people think like, can you really do this? I knew the importance of doing it. And to this day, I promise you, I promise you in some of those cities, they still haven't had a comedian that came in there with my background, talking about the stuff I did and also winning them over and having a conversation with them after that really, I hope, made some kind of impact.

You know what I mean? Like, it's different. It's totally different. So it's like, yo, I worked my ass off. Yeah, but it shows, like, I mean, just in talking with you. And I feel like those people probably would, and at the very least, they remember that smell. And had a blast.

They'll always remember that. I didn't have it then, bro. I was too poor for that. The story when I got that cologne, the way when I got this oil I called this place I was like hey do you have don't shake a bottle like blue and the guy answered the phone he goes ooh

we only deal with high end excuse me bitch I'll be there in five minutes that's exactly what I want to hear I'll be there in five minutes that's exactly what I want to hear I got schooled bro that's the best thing to happen to me

that's the best thing not the series and the specials and touring with Dave and Rogan it was that no that scent that scent

of course bro nobody wants to stink out of here pointing at the elbow. I don't smell bad. You don't want to smell bad. All right, yeah, all right. Maybe you're just used to your Massachusetts scent.

You know what I mean? You probably smell like that Dunkin' Donuts cup. This guy smells like a golf course and pine. I don't know. What do you guys smell like on the East Coast? I'm kidding. I smell like the F word. Racism.

It's nice. All right, brother. Well, it sounds like things are going awesome. So, I mean, there's a million things. We'll be on stage at Caroline's. Yeah. It's the most fun I've had in a while. It'll be good. I'm happy to do that. We got Caroline's. Yeah, it's the most fun I've had in a while. Good,

I'm happy to do that. We got Caroline's for what, the 24th, 26th? Yeah, 24th through the 26th, Thursday through Saturday.

Be on the lookout for Black Adam and the series and specials and know the name, motherfuckers, know the name. No,

no, it's exciting, bro. It's definitely exciting and it's a little nerve-wracking, but yeah, it's great. I believe it,

dude. Congratulations, bro. Thank you so much for having me. Y'all are a fucking blast, bro. I can do this shit all. I can see why y'all are here all the time.

It's so much fun. That's the best feedback we can get. No, for real, man. You guys are like so much fun to work with. We're trying to make it a little more enjoyable than your average. Yeah, for sure. Bro, it's not regular shit.

It's so much fun. Regular shit. Yeah. Thank you. Bye.