KFC Radio - KFC Breaks Down Relationship with Dave Portnoy and Discusses Inside Barstool Ft. Eric Stonestreet

Episode Date: March 10, 2022

- Jackie is not grateful for her International Women's Day sign - Feits snots in the shower the way a horse's nose bleeds in a stall - Russell Wilson's nickname, Dange Russ, is intentional - Kenny the Jet and Shaq's differing takes on filling up gas - what is the difference between "rich" and "wealth"? - KFC recaps his appearance on the Dave Portnoy Show and divulges into his and Dave's relationship, and all the bumps in the road - AITA - Video Voicemails - not returning an I Love You - who would you want to be cu*ked by - everything poop - Eric Stonestreet Interview +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 0:00 - International Women's Day 6:26 - Snotting in the shower 25:3 - Russell Wilson aka Dange Russ 47:24 - Kenny the Jet to Shaq on Gas 50:32:27 - Rich vs Wealth 01:10:14- KFC on DPS 1:32:16 - AITA 2:09:42 - Video Voicemails 2:31:14 - Eric Stonestreet ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Helix Sleep: For $200 off all mattress orders and 2 free pillows, go to https://barstool.link/HelixSleepKFC IKON Pass: Score the best prices on winter 22/23 and get all the early season goods at https://barstool.link/IkonpassBSS Sling: Go to https://barstool.link/barstoolsling to sign up now and try it free Subscribe, Rate, Share, and Leave a Review! Subscribe to our youtube: barstool.link/KFCRADIO Let us know what you think on Twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @JNics415 @nickhammy5 @macczack21 @mikeypavssYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I'm like, open up and sit on down. So I get like my balls and my ass. I almost did it! I almost did it! I'm so happy I did it! Boston tickets are on sale for our second show. St. Patrick's Day weekend at the Wilbur. First one's completely sold out. Second show, there are still tickets available. I recommend

if you're at the first show, stick around. Come hang out with us for a second show. It's all going to be pretty much different. And it's going to be a spectacle. We've got bagpipers. We've got fans joining us. Hopefully a couple surprise guests we'll see. Mean fights. A couple of Irish mix on St. Patrick's Day weekend.

Sold out crowds. Doing our ridiculous podcast. It's going to be a time. Fidelberg is going to be. I'm going to be shit face drunk. He's going to be so drunk. Anytime we've done two shows in a night in KC Radio. I think we've only done it.

This will be our third time. Maybe even just our second. The second crowd. The second one I might just take a nap on stage. I don't know. But here's the thing. Anything could happen. We're talking violence, nudity.

Who fucking knows what happens the second show of a KFC Radio live event. So go to any of the KFC Radio social media tickets in our biographies. Also, any link in the description for the YouTube. Make sure you get your tickets now. Come through. Have a time. Hang out with us. Enjoy yourself. Drink some beers. And sure you get your tickets now. Come through. Have a time. Hang out with us. Enjoy yourself.

Drink some beers. And kick off St. Patrick's Day weekend right. Let's get to it. Maybe some more water. There's one here. Turn down the thermostat when you walk by. No. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes, Jacqueline. We got to talk about summer coming up because I'm not doing that. Oh, it's, I mean, we're gonna turn the air conditioner on when it's summertime. No, but it's way too cold in here in summertime. Like, it's uncomfortably cold in here. I've been a whole day yesterday and you're already bitching?

It was your day. We celebrated you internationally. You were more misogynistic yesterday. You weren't any of it. We celebrated you internationally. You were more misogynistic yesterday. We celebrated you. I made you a sign. You didn't. I'm not. That sign was nothing.

That was just another one. I made a sign for you. Made a sign for you. You said, you are a woman. Nobody gave me any kind of confidence. I got you a coffee. What? Look at that.

He got you a coffee. I don't compliment you. Nick, listen to your business idea. I'm not going to compliment you on a fucking one day because I don't think you're a child. And I don't think you need this validation on one day. No, but it's your day to show appreciation for all women through me. I didn't even talk to my mom yesterday, so don't get me started.

Yeah, you know who really doesn't give a fuck about International Women's Day? Women. Real women. The real women of the world are like, shut up. You know who really doesn't give a fuck about International Women's Day? Women. Real women. Real women of the world are like, shut up. You know how you honor me? Don't fucking talk to me. Don't bother me. I was sexually harassed for 20 fucking years. I couldn't wear comfortable

pants into the office because men would just grope me. And now you're complaining about not getting a goddamn tweet? Fucking suck my clit. For real. For real. Real women would be disgusted with you, Jackie.

You are a woman, bit. Could not have gone better. Like, I thought it was scripted for a moment. I thought Jackie was acting. But imagine, like, it was youred for a moment. I thought Jackie was acting I was like, there's there's no way she's I I never I mean it was so not scripted that I never like when she first was like You that's not a good sign. I was like, well, yeah, I know.

But she was so genuine about it. I was like, is she acting right now? Because this is really good. I think that you think this is a bigger gesture than it is. I was like, oh, this is fucking real. Well, it does seem like something that you do to just kind of be an asshole about it and almost give me almost give me the happy

International Women's Day, But then you did it. And then a second video. What if someone, what if it was your birthday, and someone made a sign and said it is your birthday? Which, out of context, not knowing context, that's a pretty good example. Yeah. Great example.

Have you not seen the show? She did. I just didn't. I don't know. It's crazy. I was like, yeah. Yeah. Imagine that.

Imagine, let's say there's two guys in an office. Unbelievable. Happy fucking Women's Day, Jackie. Thank you. You know what they used to get on Women's Day? What? Nothing, because it didn't exist. 365 days a year, Men's Day.

I don't think you guys understand the spirit of International Women's Day. I don't know. I don't think I give a fuck about it. I understand it. I just don't think it... I didn't even know it existed. Did you know it existed last year? This is the first year I knew it existed. No, it's been a thing for a few years, but yesterday was

particularly big. Yesterday there was a... It was a little gross. It was a little over the fucking top. When is International Men's Day? Don't tell me the other 364. It is a day. It is a day. What's our day?

Let's find that out so Jackie can start planning now. You better fucking... Saturday, November 19th. You got fucking six guys here to roll out the red carpet for. Five guys here. So you better start planning now. I'm not doing shit for International Wednesday. I listen to you guys talk about your dicks or whatever.

365 days. Yeah, that's your job. Yeah. You get paid for that. You applied for that. Yeah. You knew what you were getting into. Yeah, let me ask you a question.

Why did you apply here? Did you listen to the show before? I listened before. Yeah? Surprisingly, I liked you guys. For how long? Did you You listened to the show before I listened before Yeah Surprisingly For how long I liked you guys For Long time or little time

Four years Wow Long time She's crazy That's why she fits in She's an idiot Yep Oh my god

If you haven't seen it It'll be on the vlog This week Saturday Yeah The you are a woman bit Is You gotta see it I posted it on my Instagram on the vlog this week, Saturday. Yeah. The You Are A Woman bit is... You gotta see it. I posted it on my Instagram, but the vlog will tell the full story.

It is... It is Jackie to a T. I have a... We're doing just dumb things right now. Yeah, well... We've been exclusively for 10 years. Probably like 1,200 episodes of just that. I don't know which angle to go because I have a dumb thing, so I do that.

I also have a woman question for Jackie, so I have two easy segments. We'll continue with the women's thing. Do chicks blow their nose in the shower? Do guys? It's almost all I do in the shower is blow my nose. Do you blow your nose in the shower? Every time? The whole time.

I don't think I do in the shower is blow my nose. Do you blow your nose in the shower? Every time? Whole time. I don't think I do that. I don't ever have snots because I spend 20 minutes in the morning just emptying my fucking nostrils. Wow, maybe I should do that. It makes sense. Yeah, get it all out. Boom, boom, boom. And then sometimes I'll have panic attacks because I won't be able to find them. Where did it go?

And then I'm worried I'm going to dry off. Like your snot? Yeah. Because sometimes I won't be able to find them. Where did it go? And then I'm worried I'm going to, like, dry off. Like your snot? Yeah. Because, like, sometimes, you know, I'm not aiming it anywhere. No. Do you think you snot on yourself and maybe don't wash it off? Sometimes. Or sometimes I snotted on the wall.

Wow. Now you got dry fucking. Have you ever seen the video? Look at her face. She's disgusted. So am I. Not video. The picture of the, can you put up a picture of the horse's stall after a nosebleed?

Dude. Is it just like a Dexter room? of the can you put a picture of um the horse's stall after a nosebleed dude dude is it just like a dexter room like just covered in blood dude it's crazy it's crazy

yeah yeah top left top left it was just the horse two had a nosebleed the aftermath of a horse's

nosebleed at the fucking cause you know he was just like and he was holding blood The aftermath of a horse's nosebleed at the best fucking... Because you know he was just like... He was holding blood and it was just flying everywhere. There was some poor bastard trying to calm her down. It looks like a B-movie set. Oh, yeah.

I thought that was a horse for a second. That's what my shower looks like when I get out in the morning. Is it bloody? No, no, it's not. Okay, okay. Bro, that is outrageous. How have you seen that? Like on Reddit or something? Yeah, it's not. Bro, that is outrageous. How have you seen that? Like on Reddit or something?

Yeah, it was on Reddit. That is hilarious, bro. It's an unbelievable picture. So the answer is no, Jackie. Well, I mean, I... I don't do that. I gotta start doing that. Fresh in the air.

It didn't even occur to me that, like, you could, like, pee in the shower until... Yeah, girls don't live... Like, whatever. Until they figure that out. Now you do, right? Occasionally. Yeah, that's't live until they figure that out. Now you do, right? Occasionally. Yeah, that's a yes. Just fucking say it. Occasionally.

You either do or you don't. It's almost Pavlovian. I'll take the piss. I can take a piss in the toilet. And then in the shower, guess who's got a piss? Yeah. And my dick's like, I'm getting in on this water action. Absolutely.

And blow your nose in the shower is... At least I respect that you're not, like, disgusted. No, I should be disgusted. It is... It's convenient. It's very convenient. Yeah, it is. I don't like...

I have a... Almost excluded the whole time. I have a deep fear of tissues. And I have since I was a kid. Like. I have a deep fear of tissues. And I have since I was a kid. Like, I would freak out as a kid. What, like the texture of them or something? I don't know. Dude, I would cry.

I'd run. What a fucking pain in the ass you are. Dude, I remember, like, fighting my grandmother on a family retreat. I'll tell you what. Sometimes I just understand beating kids, man. Yo, like, I definitely deserved a tequila. Like, just one fucking sip. Pow!

But we were out, like, a family. Like, I guess we did one, like, maybe one time in our lives. We had, like, a family reunion. And we were in this big house in North Carolina. And we rented for, like, you know, fucking family members who I never saw again in my entire life. And I was just running around, it's not everywhere.

And my grandmother was like, John, how are you coming? And it was like, it was a huge place. It was like four floors with like, very open so you could hear everything. And she's like, John, how are you coming here?

And she like put a tissue on my nose. And I just like, like a horse. I was like, no! It's not everywhere. Like when Beethoven shakes off. And then she was just chasing me for like, it was like, she was so mad she wasn't giving up for like 20 horse. It's not everywhere. Like when Beethoven shakes off. And then she was just chasing me.

She was so mad she wasn't giving up for like 20 minutes. And then I think from then on, I don't think I've ever used a tissue since. And she obviously caught me eventually. Pinned me down. You have a traumatic experience with tissues. The number one thing that differentiates child from adult

is the ability to just walk around with snot pouring into your mouth. Like two streams right into their fucking lips. And they're just like. I mean, you can't deny it tasted all right. It tasted pretty good. If you think back to your childhood, it tasted pretty good. It was a salty. I'm about to pull a John.

That really grosses me out. Yeah? It was like when you had a little lip, you're like, ooh. My nose is. Look, I'm not saying I eat it now. I was never a booger eater. I'd never pick my nose and ate it. My mouth is watering.

I was never like one of those fucking weirdos. But if I got a little little little something on the lip what do you think it is this is disgusting what do you think it is about the fact that it's universal and i learned this pretty like after the fact that almost like every classroom has a kid who does weird booger stuff like under the table like we had two kids jimmy and Josh. One was this tiny little... He was a little brown kid. I don't know what he was.

He was a little brown kid. He wasn't Indian. He wasn't Spanish. I don't know what he was. He was a little adopted brown kid. And then Jimmy was this tall kid who was like... I had a lot of little brown kids in my school. They were Portuguese. Maybe he was Portuguese. There's a lot of different races that are

a shade of brown. He didn't have any distinguished... He was brown. He was American. He was just a fucking European. Rich kid who came back from vacation. But then Jimmy was like Ivan Drago. Really tall, blonde kid.

They were like the odd couple. They both would pick their nose and they would put it under the table and they would pretend that it was an army. Like I had an army of boogers and you had an army of boogers and they were going to clash one day.

And then later in life, I found out that you had a friend who did that and oh, I had a friend who... I don't know about the army. But they did booger stuff under the desk. Yeah. You played yourself there. You started this topic.

Remember that. Remember that. But like why there's something inherent that these kids grow up in different corners of the globe, never met each other, never talked, all did booger stuff under the desk. Yeah. That one I don't get. That's weird. It's very, very, very bizarre.

But yeah, kids with their ability to run around with their snot. The moment that you are like, I can't have a faucet of snot running into my mouth is the minute you become an adult. It's not your bar mitzvah. It's not when you turn 18. It's not this. It's not that. It's when you're like, oh my God, I'll go to the snot.

Because I don't know how the kids fucking do it. And they run away. I'm like, let me wipe your nose. And they're like, no. They'd rather have it like that. Fucking disgusting. And that's when I think you should be able to hit your kids. I mean, the other day, Keegan, I was taking Keegan to school.

Gave me this awesome hat. And I'm going to school with him. And we couldn't find his jacket. So he just had to wear a different jacket. End of the world. Just like meltdown city. Fucking tears. I just want my jacket.

I'm like, on the one hand, I feel you. Jacket's your jacket. But I was like, it's in Mary's car. We don't have it. I was like, you're not even going to wear it. The Caitlins are like, you're not even going to wear the jacket. I'm going to let you not wear your jacket walking from the car to the school. Don't even fucking worry about it.

He just wouldn't be cool about it. And I was just like, what am I supposed to do now other than just shake it around? The jacket's not around, dude. It's just not here. I stormed out of school. You've got to be fucking kidding me. What the fuck? I don't cry anymore

That's the thing Is like You know When you're I feel bad When I can tell They don't have The wherewithal

To just be like Fuck You know Like kids don't know To go fuck They just cry And they're upset And I'm like

Dude just let out a good fuck And you'll be Just be mad at me And we're good Don't be sad about it though I did have a moment though Speaking of that hat It's very impressive How well you're speaking English in this podcast.

I've been tiptoeing around. I said, listen, the hat is for sure the incorrect size. It's way too big. It is not age appropriate. And if we're calling a spade a spade, it is not race appropriate either. I should at least be Dominican. Yeah, I was going to say Hispanic for sure. It's either a black guy or Dominican for sure.

I think more Dominican. Yeah, because of the artwork, I think. Yeah, I don't know what it is. The flabbering hat itself can be like a black guy, but when you do artsy flowers and embroidered shit, I've got... Did you know that the state flower of New York is a rose? Yeah, no.

Do now. That's why there's a rose. The Empire State's got the outline and theed shit. Did you know that the state flower of New York is a rose? Yeah, no. Do now. That's why there's a rose. The Empire State's got the outline and the big apple. Keegan got me this hat so I will now wear it forever because but I don't know because I got the hat and it was really cute because it was my birthday. Because it's beautiful. Because it's sexy, that's why. Because that thing is fucking hopping

I don't know what accent I'm doing I can't be offensive Because you can't block it down I know You might be Italian We know how you are with accents It's great I like the way you sound like

If you can't accuse me of doing an accent You can't say I was being offensive. You're like, what was he doing? That's great. Because I think the way you go, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. It has that weird, like, ha, ha, ha, ha. You can't even give me what hemisphere it's from. You can't tell me I'm being offensive.

It was Josh, dude. It was Josh from elementary school. He talks that way. I don't know where he's from. But he got me the hat, and I thought it was Josh from elementary school he talks that way I don't know where he's from uh but he got he got me the hat and I thought it was like it was the first time that I've gotten an actual I mean you know for years you get uh uh school projects sent home and shit like that you know what I mean I actually I don't know whether this was cute or fucking depressing as a kid from a broken home. But it was a picture of him. Are you just kidding?

Well, listen, let me tell you why. Let me tell you why. I didn't until this moment. I thought for the most part they were having a nice little, like, nice childhood, you know? They don't know anything other than just mom's house, dad's house. Everything's all good. They're happy kids but they did a school project where they were they made a hot air balloon uh with like markers and cutouts and you know like arts

and crafts and then they put a little picture of keegan in the basket and then they put a caption if you will like a little they glued a piece of paper on that was like um where do you want to go in the hot air balloon? It was like, I like to go. And then she said, to dad's house. And I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be like, where in the world can your imagination come up with that you'll fly in a hot air balloon to like the mountains or to the, you know, to my dad's house. And Caitlin was like, did you see that? It was so cute. And I was like, did you see that? It was so cute. And I was like, was it, though?

Was it? I would have thought. Because my son thinks he needs a preposterous method of travel to reach his father's house. I don't know how that goes. See, I would have thought. I was ready to cry. But it was. I don't think.

I mean, Keegan's not going to say Puerto Rico. He doesn't know Puerto Rico exists. And, like, I don't think he knows the mountains. No, yeah, yeah. That's why he just picked the only place. He knows Mary's house, Mom's house, and Dad's house. That's it, you know? Well, that's why I thought he was going to combine them.

I thought he was going to say, I want to go to our house. That would kill me. No, if that happened, I was going to be like, oh, my God. I would absolutely kill myself. That day is coming. No, that day is coming. And when I do, they're just not going to have a father. I'm going to kill myself.

Guess what? No, you do have an art house because dad's house doesn't exist. Now you don't have to worry about it. You know what? Let me just eliminate this problem. No house, no second house anymore because there's no second parent anymore. There are times, not to bring down the moment the mood but there are times where shay now starts to be like why are there like mommy days and daddy days and

i'm kind of like no next question yeah yeah just like keep it moving uh but but i was happy i know it well we're gonna teach you a lesson right now girl but but it was i was happy last night i went out with a few of my friends and uh you know all we do is like talk about kids and shit because we're old and lame and he he said he's he's married still and his kids have what they still call mommy days and daddy days when like one mom when mom's at work or dad's at work or whatever and daddy days are when you can like eat whatever you want and do whatever you want. So I was like, all right, even the fucking married people have daddy days, so we're good. But anyway, so usually you bring home these dumb fucking gifts, and it's like, oh, thank you. Like throwing them in the garbage, you know.

But this was the first gift that he ever got me that's like at least an actual tangible thing, as ridiculous as it is. So she said, what should we get Dad for his birthday? He said the Mets. She was like, what do you mean? How do you get the Mets? And he was like, let's just get something Mets. And so they went to the store and he was like, that. So Caitlin got it for me. Probably, people were like, this is a

spiteful ex move. It's like sabotage. I'm going to make him wear this dumbass fucking hat. I mean, it wasn't. She was laughing about it. She's like, you don't have to wear it. But I was like, oh, I'm going to wear it. So She was like laughing about it She's like you don't have to wear it But I was like Oh I'm gonna wear it This fucking thing So I

I'm like no Fuck that First of all You know 50% Because I think it's funny And it's funny for content 50%

Because I don't think it really matters But I was like I don't know Maybe if Keegan you know Sees this thing collecting dust I don't know

Maybe on some level He's like Fuck that But I I assure you it's not that, because I've been wearing it all the time now. And the other day I was like, I want fucking credit for this. And I was like, yo, Keegs, what do you think, man?

I've been wearing your hat. And he's playing fucking Minecraft, and he looks up and he was like, yeah. And I went back to gaming and I was like, I'm great at presents. You knew this. And I'm like, you know what? Maybe that's the thing. Maybe it's like you don know what? Maybe that's the thing. Maybe it's like you don't get all the glory because he's thinking, yeah, I'm the fucking man.

Because I made him feel that way by wearing it. I don't know. That's what I'm telling myself. But now I will be wearing the hat. And on the Kevin Clancy show today, because I was mad, I took off the sticker. That was a stupid move. I should have left the sticker on just for the maximum ridiculousness. But I said anybody who has pins or stickers or embroidery or patches, anybody with a little bit of talent, send them in,

and good ones will make it onto the hat and we'll make this thing. You want to know when I really look ridiculous? When it's backwards, I look like Pablo Sanchez. Yeah. The hat is just huge when it's backwards. It's just like puffy. Wait, but it's not put down, right? You're kind of like angling it up? Well, if it goes down, it's... Over the years.

Yeah, I can go over the years. Oh, wait, no. It's worse down. Yeah, yeah. That's why I do the up. The up is funny because it bulbs out. And then when I do this way, it goes over the years a little bit. I mean, the brim goes back to my temple. Yeah.

So I just kind of do the floating thing. I've got a pinhead, and it's a weird hat, and this is just me now. This is just it. So, you know, get used to it, man. I mean, I was walking the streets yesterday to go to dinner, and two people were like, where's the hat? Already? Yeah, I was like, this is going to be the thing.

Also, four people stopped me in, like, a 10-block walk, which is, you know, we get stopped, but like that's a lot. One dude, two guys said, where's the hat? One dude called me Feidelberg. He was like, yo, man, like much continued success, dude. Like, you're great. Like, thanks, Feidelberg. What? He looked so excited and really genuine about it. I was like, how could you be such a real fan and then call me Feidelberg What? He looked so excited And really genuine about it I was like

How could you be such a real fan And then call me Feidelberg And then I got stopped by I gotta give you a little backstory On this one too Last week on the Kevin Clancy show Oh we talked about warm up porn right?

Warm up porn? Yes You told me about it This dude stops me And he goes Yo man I'm sorry Real quick

I don't wanna Take up your time Cause we were Passing each other He said can I get a picture real quick I'm like yeah And then he goes yo man i'm sorry like real quick i don't want to i don't want to um take up your time because we were passing each other he said can i get a picture real quick i'm like yeah and then he goes oh um um and i was like well now you now you are taking up time and people are bouncing into us and he's like i called your show last week i'm warm-up porn and i was like oh my god dude like maybe keep that one yeah but uh yeah so i met warm-up porn before people in a walk i was like god damn i guess business is good but the hat will be out you know probably like four days a week these days yeah um you had something stupid to talk about but before we do that i'm gonna tell

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It is the... You just have to do it. I believe the math is, and don't quote me exactly on it, but it's something I've bought before. I believe it is if you ski three days a year. Actually, why don't you tell me the price? It's starting at $249 for adults.

If you ski a day and a half. So there's an Icon Pass session two-day and session three-day offer. So different affordable entry points uh and it's 249 bucks that gives you like a season's worth of skiing it's like yeah if you go one time uh they have spring access they uh if you're talking about going uh next season it's gonna snow this weekend fucking buy it right now go ski this weekend it Fucking buy it right now. Go ski this weekend. It paid for itself. Absolutely.

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up the mountains right now i believe it's like i want to get it right um you're gonna get all the best prices for the finish so for i imagine most of our listeners are in the east coast so i will tell you the eastern mountains windham for the new york area and then if you're in new england you got stratton killington sugarb, Sugarbush, Snowshoe, Sunday River, Sugarloaf Loon. Those are the big ones. If you're at any point in the east, that's one of the mountains you'd ski. And listen, yeah, we got an east coast bias, but I'm sure there's some west coast spots too.

There's a lot of west coast spots. We're not going to leave you guys out. You can get in on the Icon Pass too. It starts all at 249 at iconpass.com. That's I-K-O-N pass.com and start skiing today. What was your stupid thing? This is going to be very quick, I think, because I think I'm one of the only people. In fact, people on Twitter are.

I'm getting more agreement than I expected. But you know what Russell Wilson's nickname is, right? What, Mr. Unlimited? No, that was one he tried to make for his own but like it was it's it's d-a-n-g-e-r-u-s-s dangerous yes yes yes i didn't i mean i didn't know that but you just got it you just got it well i just i mean i never heard like i got it kind of immediately yeah but i guess if you didn't if you just told me his nickname is Dangerous, I would have been like Dangerous. But like reading it, it was always capital D-A-N-G-E, capital R-U-S-S. If I were to read – oh, you were reading it and not getting it?

I was like – well, I was reading it as something like Dangerous Wilson. And I was like this doesn't make sense. Like why isn't it the full thing? And it just never clicked to shorten into dangerous. Dangerous. Dangerous Wilson. It never. Yeah, that's his Twitter handle.

D-I-N-G-E. Oh, so that's why I've never been able to figure it out. Because his Twitter handle is Dangerous Wilson. Yeah. And I was like, Dangerous Wilson. You know, what's that show, The Jeffersons? Jetsons? No, no, Danger Will Robinson.

Yes. Danger Will Robinson. Danger Will Robinson. Yes. Danger Will Robinson. Danger Will Robinson. Danger. That's what I was thinking of when you said that. Yeah. I don't think you're alone in that. I feel like if you're our age and someone says, like, danger and a name, our brains would probably go to that.

Will Robinson. What is that? Is that from Space Quest? I think there's a reboot of it right now out there. I can't think of it. It's not the Jetsons. It was, like, Danger right now out there. I can't think of it. It's not the Jetsons. It was like Danger Will Robinson. Fuck, I can't place it.

I'm pretty sure. Lost in Space? Yeah, Lost in Space I think is it. Not Space Quest. Yeah, Lost in Space, Danger Will Robinson. Yeah, so Danger Russ Wilson. It's just dangerous. The only reason I got it today for the first time.

I would be like, I'm danger. Like, you have to hit the rust to make it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the only reason I got it is because the Cleveland, oh, I'm sorry, the Denver Broncos tweet out, woke up feeling dangerous. Dangerous, yeah. And I was like, oh, there it is.

Well, yeah, listen, we've had these epiphanies, you know, tortilla chips, scarecrows. Like these things hit you, and it's funny when your brain is just like – and most people, they just keep these things quiet. We celebrate the stupidity. The first couple of replies were like you can still delete this kind of deal. Yeah. And then started rolling in.

Thank you for saying this. I just got it. There are things, though, that like the average brain just doesn't pick up on. And I think a lot of these people are lying sometimes when they're like, duh. And it's like, all right, maybe you did know, but you found out, like, last year. And, oh, yeah, it's also, like, it's just like, yeah, no, I can 100% admit that was fucking dumb. But, like, I don't know. We all do dumb things sometimes.

Like, it was just, and some of us more than others looking in the mirror. And it is, it's, but it's just like, yeah, I was dumb. I'm not – I don't – I'm not – I mean, tortilla chips was one of the stupidest moments of my life. I'm not trying to defend it. It was stupid. You're right. Top five dumbest moments of my life right here, no doubt.

Are the Broncos now – like, I think that was a weird move. I think – I think the Broncos are so used to that was a weird move. I think... I think the Broncos are so used to having a quarterback that they just can't not have one. But, like, I don't know. This is... You want NFL experts advice? I'll give it to you.

The... I think they're still the third best team in the AFC West. And... But more specifically, I think that if that's all it takes to get a top-tier quarterback, if your GM's not getting one, you need to fire him immediately. What was the end of that? It was like two first rounds, two second rounds, a fourth, and three players I don't really know.

I think two of them were okay, maybe. Is Russell still really in his prime? Is he still cooking? Supposedly the Saints said that, like, they were looking at him, and they're like, he's not the same guy. Yeah. Well, it's – I mean, that'll be – you know, if he falls off a cliff,

it'll be, like, a great deal. He has said, like Brady, he has said he wants to play until he's 45. So if he does that, and if he stays healthy and he's still pretty good – He was, like, a thick the other day in the pictures I saw. He a thick boy. But if he does that, then's still pretty good. He was like a thick field day in the pictures I saw. He a thick boy. But if he does that, then you have your quarterback for 12 years. Yeah. I mean, if that works, yeah.

If that's the going rate for a fucking top tier. Because anyone who says Russ Wilson is still a top tier quarterback, anyone who I saw on Twitter yesterday, because I don't fucking know about any quarterbacks. Well, I mean. But if that's the going rate, two first-round picks and two second-round picks. I don't know. I feel like draft picks are so important in the NFL.

They're not important. Right, Jackie? You get a haul for these picks. Draft picks are unscratched lottery tickets. They're nothing. Yes, yes. You're probably going to fucking lose. But, you know, he's a thick boy right there.

Look at that. Yeah, I saw a PFT tweet about this. I don't think he looks that way. For a quarterback, bro? That's not the build I'm looking for in a quarterback. He's got titties, bro. But he's always been a little bit of a thicker stockier.

We had a moment we were trying to get Jackie's jacked up opinion for the trade, Pavs accidentally said Jackie, Russell Westbrook has been traded to the Broncos, your thoughts and I thought he was just fucking with her

just trying to make her look like an idiot like we do and she started to formulate pull a jacked up take out of her ass and then Pavs was like oh shit did I say Russell Westbrook and we were like oh you should have just let it go you know

but then I was like Jackie why is this a thing and I was like who really is Russell Westbrook and she was like he's a basketball player something's getting through there Drew Locke was one of the guys in the trade which is a quarterback that everyone's already deemed not a quarterback.

I mean, that's just the guy. That's who cares. Noah Follett, I think, is one. I don't know him, but I hear he's pretty good. Are these picks close together or are they spread out? I do not know the answer to that. You really can't evaluate anything until those drafts are done. Because the thing is, if you have a

Herschel Walker... Yes, but if you have a Herschel Walker draft and build a dynasty off of a trade, you're the smartest guy in the room. When they traded everything in the world for RG3 and those picks didn't really pan out, who was that?

That was the Redskins. Oh, they traded up for the pick, right? Who'd they trade that to? We don't even know, right? I don't remember. was that? That was the Redskins. Oh, they traded up for the pick, right? Who did they trade that to? We don't even know, right? I don't remember. So that's kind of the point. But I think Herschel Walker broke the NFL's brain for the last 30 years because there's this idea that you could build an entire team for one guy, then you do it.

I think it really just depends on if Russell Wilson can play or not, really. But when the Jets were moving Jamal Adams, I'll take that trade a million times out of a million. Until Russell Wilson's injury last year, I think he was an MVP candidate. Yeah. Also, I feel like they've had a couple seasons in a row where they started hot and then kind of tailed off. But when they're playing good, they're playing good.

It's always going to be hypothetical until those draft picks are, like, actualized and you see where they come from. Because also right now, I don't know, where does, like, the human athlete stop? Because I'm almost starting to feel like, you know, betting on some of these guys for the future, you just have more and more of a chance of getting a fucking freak show, it seems like. And I don't know if the combine, if the stopwatch was fast or something, slow, whatever.

But the numbers are just getting crazy. What were they? I honestly didn't even know the combine happened. Dude, I don't remember anybody, like, who, what their names were, where they're from. Dude ran, like, a 4-2-1. We're approaching, like, getting into, like, the low 2s and potentially 4-1s. Where does it stop? There was a guy who was like 6'6", 375

who ran like a 4 flat. Those ones to me are so much more impressive than a wide receiver running a 4-2. A middle linebacker running a 4-6. Yeah, this guy was like an offensive lineman and he ran like a I mean, I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty sure there was a guy who

I think the record was broken and then that record was broken like later that day then there was a dude who was like a guard or a tackle or something who ran like a 3 like a 4 6 4 8 something like that and I'm just like is there yeah this is not a great

performance pass you put in 60 yard dash Yeah, this is not a great performance pass. You put in 60-yard dash. It auto-filled the word you needed. It was like results, bro. You mean results. And you were like, no, that's not what I want. We got to do the triathlon. Let's say that I look up 40 things a podcast.

It's the one time. I know. That's the same argument that I make. You can't make that argument is like it's like if you're an Uber driver you're like I usually get everyone there safely but I get in one accident and the people die it's like this is just something you gotta be able to do every time

and it's not even because it's important it's because it's brain dead easy just search like Jackie actually do you want to put your money where your mouth is and find these really quickly? I just don't know what we're talking about. Okay, so we were talking about... I like Jackie's... I wasn't

paying attention. Okay, well, let's go. Brilliant. It's like, oh, I'm not paying attention to my job. I'm not doing my job. Yeah, so what is it? this guy's 340 and what do you run six eight four seven eight four seven i mean that's crazy so like and i'm just thinking what about like a hundred years from now well i i also i saw another video of a guy uh you know

when they cracked they cranked the treadmill up to like 24 miles an hour. He did it, but he did it with ease. Like, you know, usually they like, they pace it and they have to like drop in almost. Like he just like, he did like one, two, and then he just started running. And he wasn't, he was just like, this is, where does it end? Where do, where does the 40 yard dash end? Where does the 100 yard dash end? Where does, where do, where do pitchers top out?

In a hundred years, are people going to be throwing 110 110 or is there a human limit i would guess there's no human limit well there's a human limit we reached the human limit a long time ago we're past the human limit now what do you mean like we're taking enhancing stuff where like if we weren't doing yeah like we're having like like surgically repaired soldiers where your shoulders where you're like of a lot. Right, right. So the human limit has been surpassed. Where science stops, I don't know the answer to that.

Without mechanical shit, like if you have a fucking mechanical arm and you can lift whatever. Let's say, yeah, you're doing enhancers, but the limits of muscle. And I don't even mean like illegal steroids, but like you're taking enhancing things. And your regimen, your diet, everything that's finely tuned down to everything you put in your body. But is there like a point where like, you know,

ligaments, muscles, tendons, everything just... Like, oh, I mean basketball. They're gonna have to change the sport soon. Did you see that clip with the two kids playing in the All-Star game? They were like 15? No. It was like Steph Curry really ruined the game, like in a joking way.

But it was an All-Star game, so no defense was being played. But these kids are probably like 15. And the one kid comes down, and he bombs it from like three feet beyond the line. Watch. And what's crazy is like halfway through, you're impressed, and you realize the video has like, can you make it larger? So that's the second one. And I'm already like, wow, that was cool, right?

They have, like, three more rounds to go. And these are just, like, you know, scrawny white kids out here at regular high school games. Watch this one. Do they keep being different kids? No, I think it's just two guys but it's just two guys i think i'm not really paying attention but it might just be guy for guy or team for team but he i think there's a couple look at that that's beyond half court and they're not even like heaving them they're just jumpers this guy's gonna hit another one it just doesn't end that's fucking crazy like the game is different there there's probably some

old school coaches right now in the stands being like what is this trash i saw um where's a nice bounce pass right yeah where's the backdoor cut i saw uh somebody was tweeting the other day about larry larry bird and he had four career 60 point games and he had four three-pointers total in all four of those games really he was like one for two oh for three one for one for two and I know it was like there was something like a while ago I saw like Steph Curry hit more in a two season span than Larry's whole career yeah because it was like either he didn't have it or when it was brand new, the game still, that's the one. Right in the middle there.

50 point game, sorry. Do you know how hard it is to get fucking 60 points with just twos? I mean, let's say you go to the line a decent amount, you still have to have 25 baskets. It's crazy. The thing is, if Larry Bird had the three-point line,

or if he had today's game where they utilized it more. But what are they going to do about basketball? Because you're going to have to play full-court press all the time now because people are just going to go, Steph's just going to keep moving back did you see that girl on uh Illinois Iowa I was gonna say North Carolina Iowa Illinois one of those it was it's a Caitlin something yeah she was bombing like Steph Curry yeah and and you know if chicks are are shooting from the logo like and and kids are I mean it's like the you know do, do you change?

But I think sport deals with that pretty well. But I don't know. Like, I think that there hasn't been, you know, baseball to me is always the wildest one where I think defense has increased with offense where it's like you're running faster now, but plays at first base are almost always still bang, bang, because the shortstop is that much smoother and throws that much harder or whatever it is.

You would think by now that we would need the fences to be moved back like 100 feet, and it's still relatively – people are only hitting 40 home runs. You know what I mean? It kind of has naturally stayed in place. But I don't know. Some of these things just feel like – I think you can shrink the hoop.

Shrink the rim? Yeah. I mean, it's already pretty – I think you can shrink the hoop. Shrink the rim? Yeah. I mean, it's already pretty – basketball is kind of weird when you think about it. Out of all the sports, I think it's – I guess baseball would be the hardest where it's like you've got to hit this round ball and round that. That's like bringing the kickers back, though, if you shrink the rim a little bit. I feel like they've got to raise the rim. Raise it?

Yeah. But then you're changing the entire geometry of it. I feel like if you shrink it, you have to be more accurate now. Yeah. But then, like, you're changing, like, the entire geometry of it. I think if you shrink it, like, you have to be more accurate now. Yeah. Because you're so accurate, you have to be more accurate. Yeah. You can fit two basketballs inside of it. That's what, dude, that happened when I was, like.

That is always a little bit surprising. I was at, like, a CYO, like, practice when I was, like, four. And our coach was, like, had a hoop on the ground he brought to practice. Yeah, to, like, show you. He put two through it. He's like, you never have an excuse to miss a basket. You can fit two in. I was like, dude, what?

But all things considered. I can't even reach it. How's that for an excuse? That's what I mean. That doesn't mean all that much. To me, I think it's pretty crazy that even forget about the pros because they can do crazy shit. For the most part, you just hand a ball to a guy who's like an athlete, generally athletic, and doesn't play basketball like at all.

And his body will still know – like he just looks at it, thinks about it, and like I know to push with my arm that much. And you'll get generally close. That kind of is weird to me. It's not really a sports thing as much as it's like the body thing it's like you know we know how to move and pick things up and do things but it's like that hoop is that far away and it knows you know it doesn't go wildly over the hoop it doesn't miss by 10 feet it's like you get pretty close your body just kind of and don't get me started on talking okay don't get me started on talking. Okay. Don't get me started on that. The fact that our brain just says, say these words and some vibrating fucking chords.

I think this one's a lot different than sports. This is human anatomy. But that's weird. I guess that's what you were talking about. It's body. It's body. Your body just doing things naturally. Like it just – all right, we're going to vibrate like this much and our tongues are going to just move this way and we'll say that word that you want to say.

Like the fact – here's what I think should happen more often. Here's what I think should happen more often. Sometimes you should just like completely say the wrong words and not because like you got your brain crossed because like your tongue just misperformed. Oh, I do that all the time I think. You think so? It's not like – it's not like, oh oh i can't think of the word but it's like like you lisp something no but what i mean is like i want to say the word bird and car comes out because like it just gets fucking mixed up i think there should be bigger slip-ups in human

language than there are it seems weird it seems weird to me that we pretty much always get it like perfect the occasional l, the occasional stutter. I think I say wrong things a lot. You think you say things wrong a lot? Not a lot, but enough. But not pronunciation. I'm talking about your wires got crossed, you just said it wrong. But how do you know it was my wires?

How do you know it wasn't my tongue? Yeah, I guess, well, because it's just like... Like, who do you blame? The tongue or the brain? Who do you blame? The tongue or the brain? Who do you blame? The tongue of the brain. I don't know. I feel like I'm high right now. I feel like I'm on that three. Hey.

Anyway, let's get into the rest of today's show. We've got Eric Stonestreet on the show. Cam from Modern Family. He's been on before. If you know him, if you're a big fan, you know him from the goat cheese episode where he revealed that goat cheese smells like semen. Did you see the video of him coming to the studio? No. It's very, very funny.

What, is he disgusted? No, he's just very perplexed. It's fucking, I'll find it. Who posted it? It is, oh, I want to talk about something else too. I think, hey, there was a five-shot league going on. Okay. Just watch this.

It's a little longer than I'd like it to be, but the buildup is worth it. Start us off. Start us off. What is it? This is good. Five-shot league. Wait, what do you mean it's Final Four? Start us off. Start us off. What is it? This is good. Wait, what are you going to shine for? He's giving him his shot.

Oh, his shot. His shot. Has that been a thing since the playoff? Yeah. Favorite shot. All right, you're on, you're on, you're on, you're on. Just make one, just make one. It's like he was like... Can you imagine like taking that shot like, do you imagine like,

do you imagine like, taking that shot and turning around and being like, is that Cam from Modern Family? But that's what's crazy about the way

he just started talking to him like as if he has any basis in general for what's going on. It's the five shot league. It's the final four. If he makes two, he goes,

you know, you know, you know. Like he needed to explain like, oh, this is a league that we have

where we have this little hoop and he just gave him the, you know, that's Jersey Jerry. He's going to go to the playoffs.

If he, no, no, no. Like, I don't care. You poor idiots. Rich and successful. Goodbye, you poors.

So we got Eric Stonestreet on who was a great interview, one of those guys that just slides right in. I don't want to spoil it, but, like, he hits us with a hypothetical, a classic one that's like, okay, you know this guy. You fuck around. Yeah, yeah like okay you know you know this guy fucks around yeah yeah um and and you know what that's why sometimes i hate like publicists and shit and like representation who they don't really know you know who their clients really are like eric stone street was down to fucking well no i think they do and that's why oh you think they wanted to stop it

no i think they know exactly yeah so they. We originally had him answer the internet, and then they said, we're not going to do that anymore. But then he ended up bringing up hypotheticals, so I was thinking, like, why would you say no? He clearly likes this kind of stuff, and now it's clicking. He's going to say some shit that's going to be bad. So Stone Street is on the show for a good interview, probably like a 45-minute interview. Of course, we'll have voicemails and am I the assholes? Um, but first,

um, I went on Dave Portnoy show yesterday. Um, so we got to talk about that. We got to talk a little bit about Barstool business. It's brought to you by Sling TV because right now the biggest thing, uh, going in the Barstool world is the new channel on Sling.

We have a 24 seven Barstool sports,ool Sports channel that includes all your favorite video podcasts, Brandon Walker shows, Kelly Keegs has a new show debuting, I think, either on the 13th or the 20th. Doing the Kevin Clancy show live now on YouTube, there's a chance I might end up on the Sling channel. So if you are into Barstool and into the video, the only place you can get 24-7 Barstool is on Sling TV along with all your sports, all the major sports channels ESPN, Fox Sports 1

TNT for basketball, by the way did you see that clip I know it's old but I hadn't seen it of Kenny and Shaq arguing about gas yeah Shaq Shaq was right we'll have to discuss that I saw your close to that Shaq was right. Okay, well, we'll have to discuss that then.

Because you've got to make sure you get your TNT. I saw your close-up. I was like, Shaq's 100% right here. So you've got to get your Kenny, Shaq, and Ernie fix, of course, with Charles. So you get all your sports, all your live entertainment, of course all your regular streaming TV at Sling. When you go to sling.com slash barstool, you sign up, you get the first few days for free. Absolutely free.

And after that, it's just like $35 a month. Sling.com slash barstool to sign up and try it for free. So the old clip from inside the NBA is Kenny the Jet saying, man, it cost me $80 to fill up the tank. And Shaq says – That's an old – it just got reserved because of gas prices. I'm assuming, yeah. Actually, I think Charlotte Wilder just posted it.

She just said, this is the funniest clip that's ever come out of Sports Analyst. I don't think she was... Maybe other people were talking about it because of gas prices. But Shaq proceeds to say, if you never let it get below half a tank, you don't have to worry about that. Correct. Now, why do you think that's correct? Because there is a way that I agree with it, but then there's a way that's just mathematically

stupid. Because what bothers Kenny is the money. Is the sticker stock. Right. He doesn't want to spend $80. Sure, sure. So you just put in a little bit. So you're just saying mentally.

Yes. Right. Yeah. That makes sense. No, I understand the math. Right. But there are people who don't. No, I get that.

I've got a lot of people in the mentions. But that's what Shaq, if you listen, that's what Shaq is arguing that he's not doing it well but he's he's arguing that like yeah it's it's just what you're scared of is the 80 dollar ban right if you just do it 20 at a time then it's just it's not as big a deal yes but that is a like placebo mental effect because kenny's like i'm gonna go four times that week that's 80 but if you're not you know that i totally understand it's almost like um you know like clean up a little bit as you go yeah correct because then you don't have a mess on your hands but but to say like that's less cleaning it's like no you're still doing it same it's same amount of cleaning but the amount of people who were like no dude this is correct

like look at gas prices and i was like well if anything that means you would want to sign up fill up now because the gas prices go up now if gas prices are going down and you know i was i was i was in college and i had like a roommate who had more money than me and i did i was you know scraping for change and he'd be like why don't you fill it now but yeah why don't i fill it now what am i a fucking millionaire i can't afford to fill it now yeah i have to wait till i find more pennies on the street before i can put more gas into the car when i was growing up my mom was ten dollars regular twenty dollars regular like i never heard her fill up i always fill up now because what bothers me is not the money what bothers me is

going i hate having to go and i often like i'll without fail if i pull up to my house on empty the next morning i something happens and I need to be there somewhere quickly. And I'm like, fuck, I have to get – every time I leave it empty, then I have to rush in the morning. That's such a dad thing. Dude, my dad used to go out and get – like, he'd be home. Just to be ready. Yeah. And you have doomsday preppers.

Like, Dante never has an empty tank. He never lets it go below half because if he has to drive to the border when the zombies come, he has that and a gallon ready to go. He's an absolute lunatic. But the amount of people who were like, yeah, this actually does save you money.

If you could somehow know and play the market almost, like I'm going to go fill up now while it's cheap because it's going to go like, you could theoretically save some money but i've said this before and maybe this comes from a place of uh money and privilege but like gas to me it just is what it is and so you just i don't even look oh dude but i was reading a fucking thing i hope i can find it there was a thing is yesterday i was reading on reddit and it was a thread of, like, what is the difference between wealth and being rich? And it was people, like, giving their opinions.

And it is, like, I mean, like, everyone I've ever known is incredibly wealthy then. They were so basic, like, easy, where it's like, you don't know the price of milk. Well, I know what a kind is. I know it's probably like six. That's not a sign of like, you don't know the price of milk. Well, I know what a kind is. I know it's probably like six. That's not a sign of wealth. I don't know. To me, wait, by the way, wealth is the more. There were some good answers.

But you agree that wealth means more than rich, right? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Okay. Like, if you're wealthy to me, that means you. I don't know how to find things on Reddit. You know what I thought was a good. I don't either.

What I thought is a good um i i don't either what i thought is a good description of that um what move i was watching a movie recently i think i think i googled things to find them on reddit i was watching a movie recently that was like it had a very gatsby-esque feel to it i can't remember what it was though and they were talking about how rich these families were and they were like they just don't even talk about money they don't even talk about business. It was something about like two houses uniting. I can't remember what it was,

but it was just like, you know, when you're, when, when talking about money becomes tacky because you just like have so much of it. That's what, yeah,

those are like the top answers. They don't talk about money at all. Yeah. And then it's, it's all the answers have changed since the ones I saw because it's been a full day. But it was – like not looking at the bill. That's not wealthy. That means you have money, obviously.

That doesn't even mean rich in my mind. I don't think so either. Sometimes it's like – Yeah. If I – I could just do math. I know what it probably is. I know I can – If I didn't have to do the tip, I I – I could just do math. I know what it probably is. I know I can –

If I didn't have to do the tip, I would probably be like, just do it. Like I know this is going to be around like $120. Yeah. I know what I ordered. I know what everyone ordered. And it's not going to make a difference. So whatever. I did like the one where their clothes look good but you don't know where they're from.

That's a good answer. What is it? Like they don't wear like name brands. I think like big brands well that's uh um that's one of those things that like what can be rich and poor at the same time yeah clothes is a big time one of those oh yeah that's true you don't even know the brands you don't even know the labels you have holes in your clothes they you know never check if they never check their bank accounts that's something that that could i didn't do when i had no money. Yeah. I do that more often now.

Yes. When I have money, it's like I want to see it a little bit. Like, ooh, look at that. When I don't look at it, I'm like – and without fail, every time I've done that, it's a bad idea. Because I – there was a couple times during like the divorce years. There was a couple times in like let's say, 2018 that I hit $0. I was a 35-year-old man with $0. Wait, when?

Like 2018 when the divorce was happening. There was one time I remember. How do three men in their 30s not have $800? I was one of those. I remember having a freakout because i did that i didn't check i was like i'm not looking i'm not looking because i was like i'm good and my paycheck's coming so i just gotta like make it to the paycheck and i didn't factor in auto pay bills and shit and a couple things hit a couple things were more expensive than i thought a couple things i just

didn't know what i was at and i opened opened up my account, and it was at, like, negative, like, 300 bucks or something. And I was like, I have two kids and zero dollars. Like, what if something happens? And I had, like, a full-blown panic attack. And the only thing that saved me was we had done our – we had just done, like, our first live show, resumed our live shows. So I had, like, a couple grand from Caroline's coming my way that I think Brendan had the money and was giving it out to us. And I was like, if it wasn't for that – I mean I would have my paycheck in a few days. But I was just like, I can't have $0.

I'm in debt. Credit card debt and no money. Kids are getting fed chalk for dinner. I was like, no no bueno no bueno zero dollars my the my favorite answer is uh is when asked if they have money they say no my parents do that's wealth that's yeah like it's it's it's from um what is it what's the movie with brian reynolds and sandra bullock the proposal yeah because because you're like, your family's wealthy or, like, you don't make the money? Right, it's not my money.

You know what I mean? Like, it's, like, they show up to, you've seen the proposal, right? But I almost feel like, yes. They show up to his, like, fucking palatial estate, and she's like, oh, I didn't know you were, like, rich. He's like, I'm not rich. My parents are. Right, right. And I almost feel like people who are.

I think rich people are like, I get daddy's money. Got it. And wealthy people are like, no, that's fucking their money. But they know they get to spend it and use it too, right? Or you're saying those people don't even get that money? I think he probably – I'm sure he knows it. The benefits of it and you – I would think in the movie it's implied that he's trying to make it on his own.

Yes, he knows when his father dies that money goes somewhere that's i always felt that with francis francis always like struggled with that where he was like people think that i have like millions of dollars he's like my dad does and like i'm not worried that i'm gonna go homeless but i'm still just like trying to make ends meet in new york city kinda but but that's what i mean like you know he he no did you ever go to francis apartment? No. Fucking unbelievable. So was he just lying and had the money? I think you maybe misinterpreted what Francis said. I remember him saying that I didn't grow up rich.

My dad got rich when I was in college. Maybe he said both. I've been to Francis' apartment. He's not trying to make ends meet. He's good. He's good. I mean, he does videos where he plays the piano in his apartment yeah i mean it's a keyboard right keyboards aren't expensive i forget that's

a good one you got pianos yeah you got a nice piano in your house that's like i have so much money i need to buy ridiculous toys no no we have a piano i, like a nice one. Like a Steinway piano or some shit. Oh, yeah, yeah. In that case, yeah. Yeah, any $200,000 toy. That nobody plays. It doesn't matter how big it is. It just sits there.

I used to go to my rich friends' houses and be like, can I play that? They're like, I don't know if it works. Yeah, it's out of tune. It's all dusty. I'm like, it's going to be fine. Yeah. It takes like 15 years for them to actually get out of tune. Actually go out of tune.

It's crazy. yeah that was you know we never talked about i don't think it is the uh when we had a piano and me my dad my brother just broke just destroyed it with an axe yeah one of the most like don't get me wrong we were moving we just take it outside like oh get my piano my mom no no but you did my mom was like get rid of the action was that my yeah my mom was like get rid of this. The action was that. Yeah, my mom was like, get rid of this. Yeah, the reason behind it. Throw it away.

But once you were going, it was, we break piano with axe. That was some caveman shit. I'm surprised you didn't chop any limbs off or anything. Speaking of wealth versus rich. But wait, what would you define? What do you think is the best – because a lot of those are like almost – the Reddit ones are like the rich people sign the back of the check. The poor people sign the front of the check. That sort of shit.

They're almost like little cliche one-liners. What do you think is the difference between – True wealth. Honestly, I think the difference between true wealth and richness is – I don't know. It's probably something until you've experienced either, like, both of those. Right. I was like this when I was rich. Now I'm like this when I'm wealthy.

The difference is this. I think it's probably the talking about money. I think in new money people definitely talk about money a lot. I also think it's what you – I think you're wealthy once your money is, like, making – like, you can have a fucking fat salary but if that's like all you know you can spend it all too you know what i mean yeah like i think if you get to the point where like i think it's much more about like investments and like almost like non-liquid like i think rich to me is like liquid wealth is like i own I own things. I have equity in things. I have – it's almost like the Brady effect when he's like I don't take a paycheck.

I think maybe that's it. Like I don't do paychecks. I do equity. But that's like your prominence, right? Because you can only do that if you're an advertiser. Like a CEO can't be like I'm not buying into this business. I'm only doing it for – like I'm not – you know what I mean? Like people are paying

for Brady's promotion of it. And so, if you wanted to buy into a company, but you're like, I'm not doing it for money. I can't figure out how I'm trying to say this. But people only do it because they want Brady's exposure. Yeah, I'm just saying whatever you do, even

like, I got this line dropped on me by Michael Gruen about Josh Richards when I asked him to do Answer the Internet. And he was like – I guess that's promotion, same sort of vote. But he was like, we don't do anything unless it involves equity. But I could see if you are like a business person. It's like unless I get – You'd have to be like crazy. You'd have to be like a fucking genius.

But you'd have to be providing something. Yeah, but that's what I mean. Like whatever – if I – So that's not really wealth risk that's more stationed in life like okay like you're you're a great tech guy you'll build our website fine we'll give you equity yeah or but i think once you have all that is salesman is when you're i think it's when you have like generational um assets that i i just like honestly i don't think there's a difference i think it's just people's personalities yeah know what, are you an asshole or not? Well, I think

There's a classiness that Goes to it, you know But there can be, there can not be There can be people who are fucking dickheads Oh, grandfather's money And those people are generational I would say though The first gate on this the

first line of defense is if you made it your parents made it what's the phrase that you're the first generation builds the company the second one ruins it and the third one it's almost like i thought the third one ruins it i thought it was the second one i forget what it is but yeah it's something along the lines of like that's what I'm talking about the you know the first it's like the first person works hard whoever ruins it

the generation of that works hard to bring it back to prominence it's almost like first generation makes it second generation spends it third generation blows it there it is

hmm you know but also I think that could be another personality I think people are different right like it's a cop out answer shout out to my man

Charles Entenmann, was the second generation. He took it from a bakery to like... Dude, I can't believe Charles Entenmann just died. I literally would have thought it was the 18th century. Because he's the son. So what you're thinking of is the dad who probably was born and who probably did die.

Even the look of the box is like, this has not been changed since 1846. But maybe, that's what I mean, maybe it didn't. Billy Entenmann, he the look of the box is like, this has not been changed since 1846. This is... But maybe, that's what I mean, maybe it didn't. Yeah, Billy Entenmann, he was, what, 1898? Yep. Making Hall of Fame, 2006.

That guy is on the box, I think. Yo, fuck that. Give people their flowers, dude. It took 2006 to get my motherfucking dog Hall of Fame. And that Entenmann script is fucking... Yeah, that...

Okay, so, yeah. So that was old as shit. Yeah. All right. And he... I think they had, like, the bakery in town in Bayshore,

and then Charles was like, we going international. Yeah, where? Bayshore's in Rhode Island? No, Long Island. Long Island. Yeah. Okay.

I thought... All right. Yeah, he's like a Long Island trash. But, like, I could... I could have just went with the global sweet about a local guy. I hope that, you know what? I hope that the Entenmanns are not wealthy.

I hope they're rich. I hope they're like, yeah, we sell donuts on the island. You want a fucking donut? You want a little, you want a crumpet? Here you go. Give me your money. Get the fuck out of here. I mean, you know what they said his favorite dessert was?

What? None. He didn't eat them. None? They said he wasn't eat them. None. They said he wasn't a sweets guy. You know how crazy that is? No, I don't. That's crazy.

Being like a, you know, making your empire. I said you never get high on your own supply. That's the only thing I can think of. The only way that I would be at the end of his empire and not know what my favorite fucking dessert is. That's crazy. What was their fucking Boston cream pie? Slaps. So many things, dude.

We went through it. The donuts, the crumb cake, the old school Danish they used to have. They've got the mini muffins. They've got the apple pie squares now. I don't have a ton of experience with it. Their pound cake, dude. I want to just fucking hole it out and put my dick in that pound cake. It's so soft and good you don't even need the frosting. I just want to fuck that pound cake, man. I want to just fucking hole it out and put my dick in that pound cake. It's so soft and good you don't even need the frosting.

I just want to fuck that pound cake, man. I want to pound that cake. That's why it's called pound cake because you just want to pound it and fuck it. They're corn muffins. Fire. All of it is delicious. Oh, yeah, they do just tops, right? Huh?

They do just tops? For the corn muffins? Yeah. It's not like – yeah, it's like – no, it's more like just bottoms to be honest. Oh, really? It doesn't have, like, it's just one thing,

but it's almost like made from the top, but it looks like the bottoms. Okay, okay. Fucking delicious. RIP to a titan. My phone blew up like someone in my family died.

It was like, I got like 10 texts. It was like one, I was like, I haven't talked to Kevin, but I have to tell him about this. My favorite comment was somebody said his casket should have been a white box with a plastic thing on the top.

Man, how did we even get here? I don't know. Dayport. Dayport. We still want to talk about it. One more thing before we get to Dayport, I want to talk about it. In the wealth versus rich thing, bro, did you see Khloe Kardashian's pantry? Pantry?

Yes. Like, I would not want... Like, this is insane. This is some wealth. Like, this is... Her pantry is... It's a fucking... I don't even know what to call it. It's a store. It's a big store.

That looks like a... Like, why does she have that much jiff? This is a fucking store. This is a nice bodega. That looks like a... Yeah, it's as nice as, like, a fucking museum or a store would be, but that looks like a doomsday room.

Like, you could survive in there for, like, 40 years or some shit. This looks like they took a Gucci store and just took all the shoes and the bags. Like, get the fuck out of here. There's not like... That's not a fun way to eat. When I eat... Chips Ahoy Original, Chips Ahoy Chunky, Chips Ahoy Chewy.

It's got the labels on the fucking jars. Dude, when I eat... The Fig Newtons are designed like a... How do you take that to the couch with you? Yeah, you don't. How do you take the whole box to the couch with you? You fucking can't. You can't take any of box to the couch with you? You fucking can't. You can't take any of the snacks.

But don't get me wrong, though. Yeah, that's fucking fire, dude. Well, let's go through. I want a great shit. Dude, this is fire. Come on. It's fire, but it's no. When I eat, it's a disgusting act.

Well, yeah. Everything you do is gross. It's animalistic. Yeah. I don't want. So this is like I feel bad being in here. This is like fucking like a person who's too pretty. I don't want to do this.

I want to make a mess of this. You know what's about to happen? Like fucking fight club shit. I want to ruin something that's beautiful. That's what I want to do with food. More so than women. But okay. But like in your life right now, you don't eat in the kitchen, right?

You take your shit and you put it on a plate and you go? Bro, I'll eat over the sink regularly. But you could probably do that here. There's a sink in here. No, no. Look at that. But you could probably do that here. There's a sink in here. No, no. Look at that. When you got... But you would feel bad

doing it in such a place. Can I tell you what... It would be like getting a blowjob in church. You're like, this is... There's like something wrong about this.

Yeah, I feel that. Do you know what I just saw? I caught a quick glimpse of it. The most ridiculous thing that comes out of marriage is the wedding registry and the shit that you buy, there's two things

that are absolutely preposterous. One is that every girl in the world puts the KitchenAid mixer on the list. It's like $600 and nobody ever fucking uses it.

Number two, scroll down a little more, Fabs, that thing, the cake stands. Cake stands. All of a sudden, we need a pillar

with a glass top for all of our cakes yeah that's for when we host thanksgiving in 15 years and yeah and and you and you take out a fucking entomans like we're not baking cakes on the reg that you need a glass dome to preserve the freshness get the fuck out of here now i don't don't get me wrong the things also don't get us don't get me wrong this is all for fucking show it's all i don't know this wrong. The things in here... Also, don't get me wrong. This is all for fucking show. It's all for show. This is not like she uses this. She needs this regularly. The things in here are all...

The food doesn't belong in this environment. So you're saying, you know what it is? It's like, you know, this is a wealthy closet with, like, rich food. Yeah. Like, this is Pop-Tarts. This is Chips Ahoy. But that's what I respect about the Kardashians is they are – what's cool about the Kardashians, they are wealthy but like not like foofy about it. I call them rich because they're the most gaudy people alive.

But yeah, so I guess – I mean I think of them as wealthy because like they are just generationally set. But, yeah, so I guess, I mean, I think of them as wealthy because, like, they are just generationally set. Yeah, yeah. But I even think they're gaudy, for sure. They're flashy, no doubt. But I think, yeah, no, you're right. They're rich. But that's what I like about them, is, like, their family is just like their family.

They're kind of fucked up. They're kind of trash. They're kind of, like, rub it in your face. They fight. You know, whatever. It's like they're not really changing. If your empire started With OJ's defense attorney

You're rich But I like the fact that Chloe's like you know what I'm so rich I can make this pantry That's bigger than your house But guess what we're putting in there Mac and cheese

Craft mac and cheese We're doing We're doing you know Skiffy peanut butter We're doing double stuff Alright well hang on Box of double stuff right there You can take that shit to the couch Hell yeah there. You can take that shit to the couch.

Hell yeah, you could. You can take that shit to the couch. What can't you take to the couch, bro? No, I only saw the... The cake thing is hard to take to the couch. The fucking cookie. The cookie jar. Those.

You can't take that. I guess you can take it to the couch. Brother. Brother. I can take that to the couch. I can take that to the couch. But then it's like a whole thing to clean up and shit like that. But here's also the thing.

I think those are for show. It's almost like when you go to the old school Blockbuster and there's the movie behind the movies. Or when you go to the poor people, like when you go to Modell's, the sneakers up on the thing and then you go down beneath and you pick the box up. You know what I mean? I think underneath that is the Oreos. And you just grab the bag of Oreos. I think this is taking almost like an open house. You just grab the bag of Oreos. I think this is taking almost like an open house.

You know what the real problem is here? The syrup. That's a problem. Right there. What's the matter? You've cooked your waffles. Where have you cooked your waffles? Where are you going to put your waffles down when you put your syrup on it? That's just the pantry. That's her pantry.

It would be more nice to have a cabinet in the kitchen. Yeah, you should eat at the table or the island and you grab the – Look at all the pickles. Look at all the pickles she's got. Yeah, bring in a huge jar. I don't like – I know they're fine until you open them, but warm pickles freak me the fuck out. I've got to put them in the fridge.

I think that this was all taken for like obviously for show and then – I'm sure that china is like a billion dollars. When this thing is regularly active, it looks like an animal's cage. Yeah. Everything is lined up. There's fucking hay. It's just dried. Spaghetti has been cooked and then re-dried.

And then it's just fucking like hay. Yeah, there's messes and spills. Fat shits in the corner. Looks like a horse is out of nosebleed in there. I mean, yeah, they have like 11-year-olds running around now. They're getting old enough that this is like, get the fuck out of here. But, man, that would be nice as fuck to have all that shit organized. You know what?

Zah asked me today what's like the first thing I'm going to do when I get my money. And I guess I got to have like the The first thing I'm gonna do When I get my money And I guess I gotta have Like a house first Or something But I That Marie Marie Kondo chick Oh I would organize shit Oh I would let her

I would I would love to get Marie Kondo'd Just let her Fucking do her thing All over my face Just fucking Organize me

Yeah Take me And organize me girl That's what this shit is This is like This is also a TikTok thing There's what this shit is this is like this is also a tiktok thing there's there's videos of women who like like let me show you my kitchen and they open the drawer and everything's labeled oh yeah it's almost like asmr because you can hear like the

clicks and the clacks of opening the tops and shit and it's like fuck you you did that once and then your kids came through and tear it up and you know get out of here. Everything's for fucking show here. Rich or wealthy? Dave Portnoy. Rich. Rich. Rich. So rich he's poor. Went on his show yesterday.

Dave's rich rich. Dave's so rich that he's... He's incredibly rich, and he's also incredibly the definition of rich. Of rich, yeah. He is new money rich. And I don't think he would deny that i think he would like yeah i have new money in your face spending it you know it's all i talk about uh because yeah

it's like you work so hard to get it then you get it you want to like fucking yeah yeah um i went on the day before my show yesterday eddie asked me to go on uh he he uh invited me the day before and right away i was like you knownas up, I was kind of like, what is this about? Because I thought the Dave Portnoy show was still like the old Barstool radio. If you get called in there, you've fucked up, or you've done something wrong,

or dramatic, or whatever. So I was like, what's this about? And he was like, no, it's just that you guys have had the rundowns again, people are loving those, people love the inside Barstool talk. Then he finished it off, though, with, and I'm sure you've got some gripes or some grievances you want to air out.

And I was like, no. No? No. Why are you so sure about this? Yeah. I was like, and maybe if I did, would I do that, like, publicly? And then so I walk into the studio. Austin and Kareem are there.

And I go, what's going on here, guys? And they both go, I don't know what's going on. Hands up like this. And I'm like, all right. I feel like I'm still being sabotaged. I get on the show. The guys was already there. They were already talking, and Eddie's like,

all right, while we got Kevin here, let's bring him on the show. And Dave goes, I don't know what's going on here. Everybody put their hands up. It was like, so we just start talking, and Eddie starts asking questions and whatever and then it just led to a a back and forth conversation but um i listened to it uh which is a rarity yeah i thought it was very good you thought i thought you were uncomfortable

at times yeah but the i mean that's the biggest difference in my content zaza this today he didn't he didn't articulate it he just said i thought you you hated Dave and doing radio with Dave because I saw – I worked the glass when you did Barstool Radio, and I worked the glass when you did CCK, and I could see the difference. And that is whether I'm comfortable or not. Right. I'm not comfortable. Yeah, it is.

He's uncomfortable. That's an intentional thing he does. Right, right. I was going to say, I think I was thinking about it while I was watching it, that that was the, definitely the most I've ever seen you interact. And the most normal. You were slightly uncomfortable at times, but, like, it was the most normal I've seen you do.

And you've had less reason to do it over ten years. But, like, even when there were just us in the office, I've never had, like, a talk with A long conversation with him? But, no, but nor, but nor a comfortable one like that. Oh, yeah. Everything's been like you're on edge. Right. I thought despite the fact that you were noticeably uncomfortable, it was, again, only at times,

it was the most normal. It was one of the more normal times I've ever seen Dave talk. You think? Yeah. I thought so. And that makes sense, and that's why I was so surprised by some of the shit he was saying. I mean, I said this earlier. Dave Portnoy saying that he wants segments and bits and games and shit for radio?

Like, in what world? That's one of the craziest things I've ever heard him say. Yeah. Like, he hates all that shit. All that shit is shtick. And, you know, like, the last thing I think anybody would want is like like we're back from the break like you know kfc and dave portnoy all right let's get into this or that and like you know throw these things at you like he does it on on bffs but i think it works for that show because it's like that one of those kind of shows but you know i was i was saying like

what do you think of like does howard stern have like bits like he had recurring themes and characters and shit like that but i don't think there were like you know he i sounded like he wanted like things with names and games and and that kind of shit that's so sticky and buffet of bits type stuff and i was i was like anytime frankie tried to book a guest or or do something like that it was always like, get this the fuck out of here. And even if he thought he wanted it, as soon as we started, you'd throw that out the window. And I don't think anybody, like, I think the truly great radio doesn't need all that. I think he's right that, like, you need bits and repeatable things. That's why we do top fives and asshole and all that shit.

But to me, it's like, i wish we didn't have to i wish we could just i wish the sales could go out there and be like you're just gonna hear the best conversation between these two guys and that's your total nonsense right right but that's what you can't sell total nonsense the fuck's wrong with you guys you fucking bums but you know it's like i think it's almost a waste to have like two talents in the room and be like and now we we get into a round of whose face is this? I think there is. The one thing about BFFs is so funny. It's like, young person, do you know this old person?

Old person, do you know this young person? No. Next one. No. Next one. No. Can you believe that? End of segment.

And I'm sure it kills and sells and all that. I get that. But I just couldn't believe he said that. I remember I thought that they did that like on Chicklets a while ago where it was like ask a millennial or something. It's like, no, young people don't know old people stuff. It's just the fact. And it is like – and I'm sure we've done it before. But I don't find that to be a very repeal segment because it is – yeah, no, I don't expect young people to know old people stuff.

It's funny like one time where it's like, wow, you don't know John Mayer. Yeah, there's the occasional shock. Right, where one is really unbelievable. Which I guess, you don't know.'s funny like one time right where it's like wow you don't know john mayer there's the occasional shock right where one is really on you know unbelievable which i guess you don't know we're saying this like yeah you can keep doing it but i i don't know i wouldn't want to keep doing it no that um he um what else there was another thing that i thought was um oh i mean you know people like when he was like Penn, Penn like didn't need Kevin for the deal, which I understand. I've always understood that I don't do gambling, so I wasn't going to be a part of that. But I also thought there was probably – I bet if me and Dave were on better terms, I wonder if he would have been – like I didn't have to be a part of the deal, but I would have liked to have been a part of the process. Yeah, yeah.

Like I was – when he was saying that like Kevin could have said no to this and Penn would have said like, well, fuck you. We're going through with it. Like I would have never said no to it, but I would have liked to be in on some of those meetings and being like I'll represent the non-gambling side. But I guess if Penn doesn't give a fuck about the non-gambling side, they'd be like, we don't need to talk to you. Yeah, yeah. But I do wonder sometimes if we were on better terms, if he would have been like, we got to have my boy Kevin here to, like, talk about things or be in the conversation. I don't know that Dave would. Yeah?

I don't know that – I don't mean if you two are on better terms. I don't know if Dave would do that with his best friend. I feel like – and maybe it's a testament to Dan being more vocal and probably being proactive about it. But I feel like he would have had – like if Penn was like, we just need Dave, you know, I feel like he would have been like, well, we'll bring Dan along too. I think that's because I think Dan would enhance the – and I think Dave would see that like, well, he's good at this.

If you guys don't see it, then that's a problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think Dave would ever do it to be a friend, and I don't think he should, to be like a friend. I think he'd do it because he thinks it would be better for his business. Yeah, yeah. And just such asshole fashion, the only thing he posts and shares on social is talking about the loan that he offered me. It's like, as as always just make sure people know i'm ahead of him i'm the boss i you know i'm like you dumb dickhead but i uh it's it

is funny that's the most words you know not even kidding probably you know if you combine the last four years worth of words it's probably you know we probably talked more in that one are you happy about that or because i know i know there's been times where you're like i'm happier to be not doing content with dave i like being i think you've kind of come around on that well well two things not regret it but you miss it two things i wish i was a gambler because i would be one of those key people and i would be in on a list and I would have more money right now and I would probably have a bigger future with them so I wish

I gambled there I don't think there's a way to be like cool with Dave if you don't gamble like I don't think it just consumes so much of him and I remember early on where it was like he you know the only thing he's talking about did you see that game you see that beat did you would you have you know who'd you have and then when you have dan and mario

people like that's who he he's gonna like uh associate with but um he also just got so big that like i think it would be good for business if i was still doing a two-hour show with him every day you know so i uh but i think even like even like run downs which obviously you're happy about now but like run down for a while you were fucking mid like yeah yeah and that's where dave said like oh i hated radio and but he kind of almost posed as like i hated you and i like radio was a grind rundowns got annoying but i still even when i categorically disagree with dave on something personal or how we behave or how we view things philosophically, I still always had some level of like walking out of there being like that was a show. That was business.

Not like we were faking it but not – There was a time. At the old office, there was definitely a time with the run-down. It was just like it would be so much easier if I – and like it would be so much easier if I wasn't doing this or something like that. Yeah. Well, and also it's a time thing and every day. Radio is two hours every day where it was like we got to do the podcast right before it or right after it and all that shit. But I guess just on like a personal level. I also don't understand why – I guess we both all talk shit to each other.

So if I started to like bother him with the way I was doing that, he would just be like, all right, fuck you. I don't like this. But it seems just so much more like it would be a one--way street like I hate him he's the boss he's got the money he's got the power he's got the fame and he would almost be like I don't even care care I didn't even think he would care enough to like take note that he hates me or hates the show he's just like I show up and I do this like whatever whatever. I was surprised by that too. He's like, well, I hated you. I was like, wow, damn. That's what I said.

I was like, oh, okie dokie. I know there were disagreements. And I wonder, I guess I could have asked this in there. I didn't want to get too deep into it or open up. Like right now, me and Dave, we've always been in a spot where it's like, clearly we don't get along or whatever. See that i didn't think was true not like get along we're not friends you know well yeah obviously but like we all yeah we get in the same room it's not like we like fight each other or anything like that but i i want it that way

like if i if we got into that yesterday and he like said something you can't unsay where it's like well now as like uh fucking as a grown man I can't be cool with you anymore because you said that. I don't even want to open up a conversation where I'd be like, really? You don't like me? Why? Oh wait, that's when you were sick of the rundown. When he was always talking about feeding Shay or something like that.

Yeah. For me, things turned when he got rich, the first level of rich and just became like i own you and you owe your entire life to me right every single thing along the way and every i actually saw a clip the other day um where he just was like taking ricochet shots and i wish at the time i didn't really react well he was like i was looking at you from behind the other day and like oh like you know you're just like gross or something like that. And I didn't jump over the fact.

I was like, what do you mean you were looking at me from behind? Like, it was almost like I was just walking around and he was looking at me being like, this guy's gross. Because to me, I just shouldn't. I just didn't even think I would ever be on his radar or like ever even. But yeah, to be like, I hated you. It's like uh okay so i i think i wanted to my point was i wonder if there was like something that happened where it went that way because i just wouldn't think there would be that i wouldn't be on his radar and clearly he was like yeah i hated you

and i'm like was there like one day in radio was there one time that we said something was there was it the way i did a certain thing where it was just like yeah i can't stand this guy because i don't know really what it would be other than you know if he was just like yeah you kept like saying i was like a 45 year old man with a bald spot and i just like fucking hated that or whatever but i didn't think that would be enough to be like i hated you so i wonder if there was that that would probably be the one thing from yesterday i wish there was like an answer to like was i would guess no there's pretty rarely like a one thing from yesterday I wish there was, like, an answer to. I would guess no. There's pretty rarely, like, a one thing. It's usually just a combination. Or even, like, yeah, but if he said it was a buildup of, like, you know,

when you were in New York, you used to do things this way, and I hated it that way or whatever, but it just seemed like a strange. It's like, okay, well, then, fuck you. You vote for yourself too, sir. I was also surprised at how easily he accepted that like obviously the company has changed a drastic amount. Like the office, not the company. The office has changed. He's like, yeah, I figured that.

Yeah, well, because you know why. Because he gets the credit for it. He gets to be like, well, that's all me. I'm the one who makes it that way. I don't think it's – obviously Dave plays a huge part of it. I think a huge part of it is also like Corona where people are like, oh, no one cares if I work. Yes, or if I come in, work or not. It doesn't matter.

I could take a year off? I bet I could take three years off. If I can do this one week, I can do it two. If I can do it one year, I can do it – Let's see what happens if I just keep going. Do it forever. Yeah. You think they'll – they renewed it. Okay. How about that? What if I can do this one week, I can do it two. If I can do it one year, I can do it – Let's see what happens if I just keep going. Do it forever. Yeah. Do you think they'll – oh, they renewed it.

Okay. How about that? What if I can do five? I'm trying to do five years off. So true. Also, there's a level of like resources. Like there was always a cameraman. There was always someone following Dave.

And that's where like the drama would – like I think if you're in stool scenes, you're like, I'm going to follow Dave because that's going to – he's going to do something or say something. That's going to be my content for the day. So that's where they're going to always be and that's where stool scenes basically comes from where there's a bunch of shit that will happen. But it's like there was no cameraman there. There was no – because they don't have people following us like the same way he does. But yeah, I mean it's also – it's not like just Dave leaving. It's like everybody leaving and all of a also it's not like just dave leaving it's like

everybody leaving and all of a sudden it's not like a hangout spot it's not a uh i think a lot of people just don't come yeah so like you can't really have can't really be a place of and we hired like a million people like our bullpen is like there's no one there no no my desk i don't even have a chair anymore there used to be you know it used to be let's see these be what what's called five five ten fifteen people there yeah i'm like we're like are like who we used to fuck with there's probably four there now like rudy rudy and austin and then uh this publicity and then and then like hubs is there occasionally hubs is there sometimes and like like and that's that's not to say. Hubs is there sometimes. And like and that's not to say

people aren't working. No. It's like the floor play boys are on the road. Yeah. And then I don't know Casey's doing whatever Casey's doing.

I mean Casey's in a lot actually. Casey. And then Liz is doing what Liz is doing. Right. And then there are people like Keith's doing what Keith's doing. Which is what?

They're But I also like the the amount of new people too. It's like when it was just us i you know what i actually but also we're not there either yeah yeah yeah i'm also i'm yeah i'm either in here or i'm gone i'm basically yeah but yeah i don't want to be like where are you oh i'm i'm not i'm never over there either i will give her credit because it was trial by fire i remember when they sat publicity two doors down for

me and I was like, this is not going to go well. Not because I dislike her, but I was just like I say a lot of things hanging out in our little clubhouse that's going to get me in trouble. And she's cool. She rolls with it. I'll be like, Casey, you dumb fucking slut.

Shut your fucking whore mouth. You're so wrong. And I was like, oh, publicity's right there. And she would laughore mouth. You're so wrong. And I was like, oh, publicity's right there. And she would laugh. She'd be cool with it. But other people... Like Russ Wilson sneaking a snack? But I also... Russ Westbrook, I did it! You said Russ Wilson.

Yeah, yeah. But I did... I still never would say that to publicity. There's new people around that I'm friends with, but it's not the same. You can't have the small, tight-knit clubhouse feel when it has become a big media company feel. It's just different. But I said this. You got Brianna Chicken Fry is going to be the biggest thing on the internet in a couple years.

You found Nick and KB. You found the yak crew like we found some some fan favorites now that it's not your your favorite three or four or five guys from last you know 10 years ago but there is new things that are you know almost bigger and better it's just not it's just different people want change yeah new fans aren't like oh man i wish this was four or five guys just like hanging around you know what i mean they're just're just like, it is what it is. It's all about just comparing old and new. That never goes well.

Let's get into Am I the Asshole? We got him. Am I the Asshole today is brought to you by Helix Sleep. You are an asshole if you don't have a Helix Sleep mattress. You're also probably irritable, tired, achy, in pain, not well rested. You're probably failing at your job you might even be fired I'm literally all of a sudden

you could be homeless you could be yeah John's been sleeping so poorly his head exploded his ear exploded we don't know how it happened but he got

he got a ruptured eardrum every time we it's like a certain angle we look at each other every time you talk it's like I get punched in the head oh that sounds great

it is no it's awful yeah it sounds like the worst you should just do the rest of the show like looking this way it feels talk it's like i get punched in the head oh that sounds great it is no it's awful yeah it's like the worst fucking you should just do the rest of the show like looking this way it feels no it's like it's like an angle like this way it's almost like i absorb it's not you're speaking louder than that just how it's just the sound waves it is i've been i've been in so much pain that i've just been sleeping literally non-stop it's been unbelievable are you on a helix mattress that that gives you the comfort you need, or are you on a crappy mattress?

I have not left my couch. See, that's the thing. You've got to make sure you get on your Helix mattress. I sleep on a Helix mattress every night. Here's what you need. Helix mattress, weighted blanket, dark blackout curtains. Don't have curtains. I believe in the power of some white noise, so I do that.

And I also, in recent, some white noise so i do that and i also uh in recent when once white noise wasn't enough and i was up and having anxiety and shit i uh i have been listening to books or like audio like uh not like podcasts but more like people talking that's like designed to like meditating talking kind of because then I will stop thinking about all of the problems in my life. And then also like 3G. But the mattress that can come with a couple pillows too, if you do our deal, when you have a quality mattress, it's worth the money. It's worth the time. It's worth the investment.

It will change your life extremely for the better. People, especially I think like Americans, everyone else in the world is sleeping, right? Got siestas and people taking time off and people doing like you know 12 hour nights we do like oh you got a good six and a half like that's it that's all you get did you see that tweet from Lenny last night no he said I love Lenny so much

he's talking about his performance in the dozen and he quote tweeted it and said and I did this on 16 hours sleep no less and 16 hours of no sleep like he was this on 16 hours of sleep, no less. 16 hours of no sleep. 16 hours of no sleep. 16 hours of no sleep.

Like he was up for 16 hours? Yeah. So I replied, I said, Glennie, babe, what does that mean? Because it seems like it means you got a full eight. Yeah. Most people would do that, right? And he replied, he's like, oh, it was a callback to this tweet. It was just a tweet from 2020 of his, his own tweet,

that no one else remembered. No, yeah. Saying what? It was saying that he was bragging about being up for 16 hours straight, which I guess everyone on that one replied like, hey, dude, that means you got a full eight. You're good. That's an extremely almost regular day.

If you were to wake up at like 8 and go to bed at like midnight. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Yeah. It's probably – And get eight more hours. That's like the blueprint almost.

It's more sleep than most people would get. Yeah. Yeah. 8 to 12, 12 to 8, 8 to 12. Most people – I would say I'm usually like I get six. Maximum. So I'm usually doing about 18 hours.

And then don't even get me started on like what's actual REM cycles and actual sleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm talking about like I go into my bed and I doing about 18 hours. And then don't even get me started on what's actual REM cycles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm talking about I go into my bed and I try for six hours. Despite all my sleep, I would bet I've not hit a REM cycle once. No. Not once. Right now, you mean, or just in general? Right now. I would bet I've not hit a REM cycle in four days.

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Well, when you have your HelloFresh. Otherwise, it's like I eat Swedish Fish for dinner. Again, for the last few days, I was exclusively been ordering fast food. Yeah. What we're learning right now is I think a little bit of a hard D, and I just have an ear infection. It's what we're explaining. But a bed can help.

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Am I the asshole? Let's get it. Go ahead, go pee. Yeah. Thanks, Dad. All right, let's get into it. Am ahead, go pee. Yeah. Thanks, Dad. Alright, let's get into it. Am I the Asshole? This one was on TikTok. This was a video

text video, if you will. So this happened a few days ago and I'm still not sure I'm 100% ready to tell it, but here goes. I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and I already know that she's the love of my life. She's perfect for me. We are perfect for each other. We're getting ready to move in with each other and I want nothing more than to start a family with her and spend the rest of my life with her. We went on a short

vacation last week and when we returned, she gave me her phone to look at some photos from the trip. She went to the bathroom while I had her phone and as I was scrolling through the pictures, it kind of jumped to a period that was about a year and a half ago. If you have an iPhone, you know what I'm talking about. You scroll a little bit too fast and all of a sudden you're back at the start of a photo album.

It's annoying as hell. Put a pin in that. Yeah, okay, good. Red flag there. I'm glad. But some photos caught my eye. Some photos that I really shouldn't be seeing of her and a previous boyfriend.

There she is, the love of my my life trying to get her mouth around the biggest dick i've ever seen i watched a lot of porn a lot i've never seen a dick like this i'm talking bigger than two coke cans stacked on top on top of each other longer and thicker as far as i can tell come on we've We've seen. Two Coke cans? Well. Longer and thicker than two Coke cans? I don't think the length on that one's that crazy. Two Coke cans? I don't think that's that nice. I guess I don't know. Is this a Coke can right here?

No, we'll just do this. Of course, we've only got one. We'll put it on top of this. This is a can size, right? I guess it's smaller than I think it is. I mean, don't get me wrong. It's a hammer. It's a fucking hammer.

But I'm just saying, in porn, I've seen a dick that long. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. You're right. When the girls show, like, the little Latinas show, like, their arms, you know. Again, to reiterate, it's a hammer. I'm just saying it's not totally unprecedented.

The girth is out of control. Because you literally couldn't suck that. He says thicker. It says thicker. If you tried to suck this, if this was a dick and I was sucking it, I mean, that hurt. It would be just straight teeth on a fucking dick. So, A, you know, I think that's a bit of an exaggeration maybe or whatever.

I mean, I think there are very few dicks that you can't put your mouth around. I've seen a couple of them. I've never read the one I couldn't. But sometimes you see a girl where I'm like, that's just, you know, that girl's just chewing on his dick. There's no way that's a blowjob. But anyway, so as the story goes, two cans on top of each other. I will leave that here for reference, okay?

I could see another... This one's worse to me, by the way. I think this is worse. I could see another thumbnail of her comparing the size of his dick to her forearm. Here we go. Quote, with a look of wonder and glee on her face. Like she's looking at a goddamn unicorn. Like she is in awe of this. Like she's looking at a wonder of the world.

Being like, it's the Grand Canyon. How does this even exist? I can't believe this is in the world of reality, and I get to suck it. I close the pictures, and I've acted like nothing has happened, but I cannot get these images out of my mind. I've never been self-conscious about my dick size. In fact, if you believe the stats, I'm significantly above average. But this has destroyed my self-esteem. We haven't sex since i can't concentrate on my work i just wish

i had never seen those damn pictures is there an ending to this like is there uh so what do i do or that's it okay so this is more of just like uh oh fuck um i think it was actually if you look at the reddit uh the tiktok page what does it say i think it says something like i i don't know it's the book of reddit i think it was i think on reddit was something like i gotta get this off my chest or whatever one of those pages off my chest yes so uh first let's let's get back to the technology i have definitely had a an instance where i was like scrolling scrolling scrolling and all of a sudden it kind of goes like... But like not enough to be like I went to the beginning of a photo album. No. I actually never looked at like an individual photo album.

I'm trying to see like... I don't have a photo album. Do people have photo albums? Well, yeah. Like these are all albums technically. Oh. If you go to albums. But that doesn't feel like that's what that meant.

I feel like that meant like Jamaica and like, I don't know, pictures of my boyfriend, only it doesn't get emptied when you get a new boyfriend. That's what it sounds like the name of this album was. Photos with my boyfriend. Photos having fun with my boyfriend. And sometimes it's on vacation. Sometimes it's fucking comparing his cock to your forehead. Sometimes it's with a dick in my head.

I'm trying to see a scenario where I'm like, whoops, I ended up at the beginning of this. I'll say I've had this happen. Yeah? Yeah, definitely. What do you mean? Explain. I think if you double tap photos, it'll just shoot to the fucking top. It's crazy. And then you're like, yeah, you're trying to scroll it just like it's like, oh, you want to go.

It's like if I got a recents and I'm like. I can definitely. If you it's almost like getting like getting like that 24 hour treadmill, like you can gain the steam where it just starts whipping up. I've never had it happen like right away. Yeah. But I think the larger point here is really the dick. Well, honestly, it's not. If we're doing Am I the Asshole, you are the asshole.

If my girlfriend gave me her phone and was like, here, I'm going to the bathroom, which I don't think anyone does in 2022. I don't care who you are. You're going to be squeaky clean. It's weird to have access to my phone. I would, because I'm a good person, I would say, I'll put it down, and I would say, when she comes back.

When she comes back, yeah. When she comes back, she can let me through what she wants me to see. Because I think that there is an issue here if if there was a very recent picture mixed up in your in your recents that's that's a problem right right so like it really depends on if this wild thing happened where it just scrolled to the top because then now we're talking about i have these old pictures on my phone some people run into that Do you delete the nudes? Do you not? Do you have – I don't save nudes.

Okay. I think it's in the moment. Oh, like, yeah, like click – like you have the text and you save to my photo album? I don't do that. Yeah, I don't do that either. You're right. You're right. I mean I've done that in the past with some like –

I've done it. I'm going to go back to that one. I've done it before, but I think we're in a post-nude society. I think people don't care about nudes anymore, and I think that it's just like, they're whatever. You know what I like about you is that we just – we declared it a post-pandemic society, and we're just – now we have a new title for it. I think we're in a post-nude society. Meaning that people don't care about saying it. I think we've gotten – we've been so inundated with nudes that they're not – they're fine now. Who cares? I've seen – But people are about sending them. I think we've been so inundated with nudes that they're fine now.

Who cares? But people are still sending them. People are still sending them. But I think that it's not – people don't talk about them anymore. And maybe it's because we're used to it so much and therefore who cares? But it used to be like, dude, my girlfriend sent me a nude or this girl sent me a nude. It was like a thing. I've never had a friend or a person tell me about a nude in five plus years um there are

instagram accounts i wish i knew the the name of it that this is so lame and so low and so like horny god bless you um there are accounts that are like Pupparoos And They make slideshows And the first one's like a cute puppy And the rest one's like your favorite Instagram girls So if you have like a fucking chick who's Lame about you following like hot chicks on Instagram

It looks like you follow this Dog account And any videos the thumbnail is a dog Any slideshows the first picture is a dog that's impossible you're crazy that's that's like you if you follow that account that what i what i wish they would do is like send a mass dm to all their followers saying break up with your girlfriend like you have a girlfriend who's mad i guess break up with your girlfriend if you if you i guess if i was if you're dating someone And they And you like Continue to follow

Like a ton of like Tits and ass Um Accounts I think I wouldn't be like This is like cheating or anything But I probably

This is a little weird I don't I've never followed like A tits and ass account Like I follow individual people But like Yeah

Yeah But like Not like compilation But like So like Here's just a hot girl Here's a different hot girl Here's another hot girl

I guess I But I don't like If you see like an Instagram model that you'll follow. No. That's what I mean. I'll go through like – I mean I follow Instagram models. I follow porn stars. But it's not like – basically all the porn stars are like people we've interviewed. Yeah.

Or like – I guess it's – she's the white buffalo. We'll get her. But the – I think the problem is when you follow someone that's like here's other accounts and you're like oh i know her oh i know her i know i know her yeah and then that's it i i i guess and i wouldn't i think for the most part you're allowed to like do what you want to do with your social media as long as it doesn't cross any like personal lines but i could just see a scenario where it's like you know you're following like

all of these fucking ass accounts i don't know i could just see girls scenario where it's like you're following all of these fucking ass accounts. I don't know. I could just see girls being like, that's a little fucking weird. I think if we can change Instagram, a.k.a. the most popular social media account, there is a severe issue with following someone. The only reason I ever follow someone on Twitter is they get retweeted onto my timeline. I've never put a person's name into a search bar. I mean, like, because someone had mentioned I should follow them or I want to follow them. I don't care that much.

So I'm not, like, I'm not going to be like, all right, who do you think I should follow? Okay, I'll type their name and blah, blah, blah. If it comes across my timeline and then I click on it, I'm like, oh, that was funny. And I click on their name and then I look through their Twitters for, I don't know, I go back, like, three days. And I'm like, oh, that was funny. And I click on their name, and then I look through their Twitters for, I don't know, I go back like three days. And I'm like, oh, that's pretty funny. Okay, follow. And that's the only way I'll do it. But you cannot retweet someone onto my Instagram timeline, so I never go follow anybody.

I guess, you know, there's an explore page. No. The only reason I started doing that is because it feeds me all those, like, weird pimple-popping videos. Oh, gross. I watch all my, it's funny. My like Explorer or whatever it's called is either pimple popping or like oddly satisfying. Like, you know, just weird, like, you know, drawing things or just those odd satisfying videos. And then like the last one will be like a hot chick. It's a very strange, it's very strange.

It's just a little out of my god going um but anyway um anyway where were we just haven't gotten to the dick right the dick and the and the oh you know what is a problem if you're if you're cheating and snooping around and shit or not sitting around but uh sleeping around tiktok shows you who sent the video to you so like if me and you are dating and i and i cheat on you with zach or i'm fucking around with zach if zach sent me a tiktok and i sent it to you there's like a little bar that says like shared by zach on yours from me. Really? So if you like an X sent something to you.

I've seen that. I've had people send it to me before. But even if I sent that link to someone else. It'll show like who sent it, who viewed it. There's like a lot of information that's like the hockey assist. It's like before me. That's like if you get it from somebody you shouldn't be getting it from or just another girl in general. That's a good note for people.

That's a very good note for people. Again, not even if you're just cheating. If it's just like if your girl is the type of girl to freak out that another girl sent you something. It could be a friend. It could be whatever. Like you should not send TikTok videos. Do not send TikTok videos, people. Just don't do it.

Just be like, I saw this funny TikTok. And you go find it yourself. Because. Yeah, you can send ours around. But yeah that's that's a very dangerous one that is just like why does that exist it's almost like they they're gonna change that remember when like instagram had the features like you can tell when you're online and who you follow and all that thing and they were like get rid of this yeah you know people are using this for dirt don't don't fucking allow this so um what do you think by the way you if you do if you were to have nudes on your phone you think when you start

dating someone there should be a active purge of all prior nudes i don't know like in theory would i like it to happen yeah sure but i get not doing it either it's also i mean it's like uh am i gonna scroll through like 5 000 fucking things on my camera roll and find them and pick them you know what i mean yeah like like if i came across it i'll do it but i'm not gonna be okay we are now official let me just like clean up everything in my you know um you know what i think i'm past i don't think i'm in a post-nude society i think I'm done I think you're closer than you think I thought you were going to rail against me You were going to fight against the ocean

But I think we're I'm certainly The frequency of nudes being sent is Way down I am fully post Sex tape era I don't need to film any sexual activity ever again. I've never done that.

I got my fill of it. I've done little things. I've never filmed sex. Yeah, no. I've filmed little things here and there. But there's definitely, the phone has been out. I had an era where the phone was out quite frequently, and then it's just like, it always leads to problems or issues or just fear,

and I'm just like, every time someone does get hacked or something leaks, I'm like, well, wait a minute. What about that time I did this? And did that one go? Did I delete that one? Did I? You know, it's just like. I don't even care about it for, like, protecting privacy or, like, scared it'll go out. Because I don't think people really care anymore.

But I think it is. I know you say that, but they do. I care. I care. I think the people who happen to care about. It's not like they really care about it, but it's going to be a thing. If you had a fucking video you jerking off on the internet, it's going to be a thing. Yeah.

Oh, it'll be a thing. It'll be a thing. It'll be a nightmare. Yeah. Ruin a lot of days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to be a thing for you guys. But the, like, oh, yeah, I forgot what I was saying beforehand.

Post nudes, post, I think you were about to say I just didn't do it because you didn't want to film during sex. Is that what you were about to say? No, but that's true too.

But the, there was a time where I was pretty enamored with it. This is cool. You hit yourself in the right, get the right, you know, 10 second chunk

where it's like, all right, I was thrown down. But then you fucking pound off to that? No, no, no, it's just like, I don't know. I was thrown down, but then you'd fucking pound off to that. No, no, no. It's just more,

I don't know. It's like a collection. I don't need, you know what it is? It's an NFT. I don't need, I don't need to have a non fungible token to me. Fucking.

Um, but yeah, that's, well, that's kind of the point is like, I think it got to a point where I was like, what am I going to do with this? All this is going to do is like,

you know, 0.0% chance. I get like fucking hacked or whatever. But it is there. It's a possibility. It's a problem. Leaking is a thing. And, you know, what if somebody sends it by accident?

What if my kids go through my phone? There's just bad things that can happen and no things. It's almost like having a collectible. It's like, but a dangerous one. You know, it's like when I have a million pairs of shoes, it's like, why? Because I just wanted to have this pair on my fucking wall over there. And I just wanted to have it. And then I got past that. I was like, I don't need that anymore.

Yeah, I think we are... But I'm... Okay, so here's the deal. I'm right. I'm just... I'm just not there yet. You're ahead of me. I'm just ahead of the game. You'll all be here. Here's the difference. Here's what I think does still matter. I'm done with, like, I don't need to film myself having sex. I think there's still something to someone sending you a nude.

There's something to it, but it's nowhere near what it used to be. It's not scandalous enough anymore. Well, that's, you know, it depends on the nude. No, even like anything. It's like, there was a time when if I got a nude, I was like, I have to masturbate right now. Right this second. Well, maybe you were extra into nudes at that point. I think that's the thing.

I think, you know what? You went like this with your nudes. You went to this extreme and that extreme where I just kind of stayed in the middle the whole time. I'm slowly getting to where you were, where you are, but I never was at where you were at. Feel me? Well, I mean, I'm exaggerating to an extent, but there's, like, it used to be, like, crazy hot. Oh, my God. She's a nude.

And it's just, it's so prevalent. Well, also, you're depressed. Everyone's saying. Also, you're a depressed bag of shit. What do you mean? You're not going to get excited about anything. But it is, like, there is. You meet the right chick or, have the right chemistry with a chick,

and it's the middle of the workday, and you get a surprise nude. You're going to be like, oh. I think when nudes were first introduced, it was like, oh, my God. They'll send me a nude? That is true. That is like – they'll do that for me? This generation, these guys have been sending nudes since they were 14. Yeah, now it's like how many other fucking animals have they sent a nude to?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what really actually kind of ruined it for me? Where, like, the beginning of the decline for me was when I first grasped how prevalent sending old nudes were. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, there was a time... That's not my nude? Yeah, there was a time where, like, I could tell every nude that I was getting from a specific person or whatever was in the moment because of like whatever yeah now you gotta fucking do it like Castro proving he's alive still I mean today's USA today yes because because I used to get news where it was like oh that's

where she is right now or like that's you know it couldn't have been fake for whatever reason I saw her wearing that same outfit earlier whatever now it's like you know knowing that girls are going through their cachet of them to be like, should I send this one or that one? And it's like, ah, well, that's like – again. Bro, I don't think I've taken a nude since 2012. You just keep sending the same ones? Yeah.

I mean, I don't even send them anymore. No integrity to the game. But like, dude. I think that you – Well, you're going to fucking get naked and hard right now. This is – That is like – That's Chick-fil-A. I get naked and hard right now. This is that's trick. So I am on the couch right now. Chick-fil-A.

Yeah. I'm not fucking. There's been times where I've been like, I'll take a picture of this now because like it's it's a good picture now. And like I want to like and later I'm going to want to chill. You know what I mean? Like it's too early in the day to do this, but we're going to do this later at night. But it looks good right now. So I'm just going to take these and hold want to chill. You know what I mean? Like it's too early in the day to do this but we're gonna do this later at night but it looks good right now

so I'm just gonna take these and hold on to them. And then I've even done I said one like one of those early ones like you get out of the shower like oh good dick day. That's what I mean.

Yeah. And I got a response John it's 630. So that's what I'm saying where at least No it was what the fuck John it's 630.

I was like that's a good point. Alright I'll see you at work. Should I hold We gotta meet at 11. I'll see you there. Did you send the Zoom link yet? That's hilarious.

I'll see you at work. What a line. But I feel like – That was a GNC. That was a GNC. That is amazing. GNC. Christ.

I think everybody should have to send nudes in real time. Can't go back to the well. Or you can, but you can be like, you know know here's a little something from but even that i think that the best part of nudes was like if they're made for you in a way you know what i mean yeah like i'm so turned on right now like because of you check this out but if it's like oh that's you know you took one good picture and you send that to like every guy you've ever talked to that's kind of cheating the magic of it has been lost now you Now you... I think it's less. I just don't think it's lost. I still want to try to get there. You're chasing the dragon. And I'll still get high, and I might not get there,

but I want to try. It's not lost, but it's like your first time at a strip club versus how you are now. What are you laughing at over there? You guys have been talking about nudes for a minute now. I was thinking about this also. My friend in high school, his nickname was the nude king. Every girl sent him nudes.

He received them. He received nudes. He would just get every girl in school. He got sent to the principal's office four times in high school. See, that's a problem. The principal was never going to know I was sending nudes or receiving nudes. He's going through his old laptop the other day because he was just clearing it out, and he found his folder of all nudes.

And then he tells me about it. He's like, but dude, these girls are like 16 or 17. It's like child porn on your phone, right? On your computer. So we just went bats. We just destroyed the computer. He's like, I don't want to delete it. I don't want to touch it.

I came home and we just beat the shit out of them. That's like old office space. They just started smashing the fucking machine. It also didn't do anything, I don't want to touch it. I came home and just beat the shit out of it. That's like old office space. They just started smashing the fucking machine. It also didn't do anything. I don't think. Yeah, because if you think about like if there's an account or a cloud or whatever, that's all still there. I don't want to touch it. I don't want to like.

He just knew it was there. He's like beating the shit out of this thing. I guess if it was on a hard drive, that would be good, right? Otherwise, if it's anything that's connected to anything, it's still out there. I don't know. That's so funny. If I open it connected to anything, it's still out there. I don't know. That's so funny. If I open it to delete it, it's still open. So we just bashed it with a bat.

We probably have been talking about news for like 25 minutes. And this is because of M&M and the Asshole. We have not even gotten there yet. I will say this to get back on track. It probably shouldn't be on the phone. It certainly shouldn't be something that you have to see.

Like, that sucks to see that. It's probably a little immature to be like, this has ruined me. But also, that's how you feel. That's how you feel. Sometimes those things, it can be immediate where you're just like, I'm insecure about dicks,

and I didn't like that you have this giant dick in your mouth, and I can't unsee that. Or it can be the little thing like that. I know that's always going to be in the you're just like, I'm insecure about dicks and I didn't like that you have this giant dick in your mouth and I can't unsee that. Or it can be the little thing like that. I know that's always going to be in the back of my head. It's going to be eating at me to the point that I can't. And maybe, yeah, I should be a little more like sexually secure. Maybe that's a little childish. Maybe that's whatever.

But it's like, sorry, dog. You're dating a baby. Sorry, man. And also it's – You're a a pervert and if there's any like truth to uh like the look in her eyes it's like it's not even that i saw that it's just that i know now you're not like looking i've never seen that look in your eyes yeah exactly so like we can still do this maybe i'm not gonna break up with you but just know that and i look i used to look at you one way what's that song

you know what i used to look at you like you looked at that cock but now i don't yeah so do that do without what you will like do you want to be dating a guy who's kind of always thinking about that you got fucking impaled you got opened up you got cracked open like a walnut at christmas like i don't know what to tell you that sucks and that is a true like you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube it's like i wish i could just unsee that but i'm not gonna be like i also like yeah the the dick, it sucks. Apparently it doesn't because it's going to get her mouth right. Well, I would, and maybe it's Charlie, but if I just saw, like, my girlfriend fucking another person, I'd be like, well, that's going to be in my head a little bit.

Yeah, it's in my head a little bit. It doesn't matter. I think it's time. It's like, oh, God. Like, I always knew in the back of my head that there's other people. I didn't need to fucking see it with my own eyes little bit. It doesn't matter that I need time. It's just like, oh, God. Like, I always knew in the back of my head that there's other people. I didn't need to fucking

see it with my own eyes. Right. Yeah, and it's like, maybe I can, give me some time to try to get through this and maybe I will, maybe I won't.

Maybe every time we have sex I'm going to be thinking about that and we're fucked. And if that's the case, you should have hit those dick pics a little bit better. My thing is more,

I feel like those, I feel like that was more... Unless these guys are saying that weird thing happened with the photo album where it jumps to the top. That feels more like those dicks were maybe in those recent pictures. You were scrolling through and that dick was in there for some reason. Well, it should just be in a fucking private folder. I just learned about Hidden for the first time ever a couple years ago.

That's a good one to know. What's Hidden? You can just click Hidden and then it's just not in your regular camera roll and you have to go to a album that says hidden i'm sorry about that right now i'm not very not a very great hiding place no but but it prevents it prevents the like if i you know if i'm like scroll through these i mean we know but we never do this but look at these wedding pictures it's like and there wouldn't just be a fucking cock in there yeah that's a whole separate place if someone's sno snooping, they'd be like, I can... But why don't people just have, like,

the private folders? Like the apps where it's just, like, it's, like, locked. Yeah, because, I mean, you just don't have to download an app and all that. You can just go hidden.

It's super easy. Yeah. Also, the ultimate thing, you know, don't... Well, I guess this wasn't snooping. It was just an accident, as he says, but if you snoop

and you find something, that's, you know, that's on you too. It's like, you shouldn't have done that, man. Ignorance is bliss. Next, we'll do one more M of the Asshole, then we'll do voicemails. Oh, no! What? What?

Yeah. PFT was like, I'll literally cut. What happened? You got traded to Redskins? PFT was like, I'll literally kill him. What happened? He got traded to the Redskins. PFT just tweeted. Made the decision to get drunk at work. Why? He just hates him for all his disease.

He's been saying he'll block people who anyone who even jokes about the Redskins will get. Carson Wentz. He's like, I won't block Spree if he will joke that we would get Carson Wentz He's like He's never blocked anyone I won't block Spree People joke that We would get Carson Wentz Because he hates him as a player Or just like Off the field asshole As a player

Yeah Someone tweeted that You and him should have An anti-football podcast Next year And just be like I'm not watching it I'm not watching it

Where essentially You just talk about football The whole time But just say You're not gonna watch it BFT is going on An absolute Fucking missile Right now So dude This is the worst day Of my life football the whole time, but just say that you're not going to watch it. BFT is going on an absolute fucking missile right now.

This is the worst day of my life. Then followed it up by thinking about cutting off all my hair. Having a legitimate mental breakdown. And he quote tweeted a tweet from February where he said, I would rather blind myself with muriatic acid than watch

17 games of Carson Wentz next season. Quote to me in that one, this was satirical. And then he just said dunk commander with that picture. And I just got made the decision to get drunk at work. That sucks, bro. That's a shitty feeling. Oh, I didn't see that he changed his name to PFT Commander. That's funny.

Okay. Do you want to do using my wife's hair dryer on my nuts or not telling my mom about Viagra? Hair dryer on the nuts. Really? I think I want to go on Viagra. Well, we can save it. Okay. I'm the asshole for using my wife's $400 hair dryer on my, he says, nards.

Is that a British thing or like a loser thing? Loser thing. Definitely loser. How about a British loser thing? Could be both. 35-year-old male here. My wife, 32, bought herself this awesome hair dryer from Dyson last month. He put this star over the O in Dyson like barstool.

Don't want the Dyson gang coming after me. And she paid over $400 for it. This is easily the coolest hair dryer I've ever seen. It's silver and purple. Has this really cool design. Reminds me of the plasma rifle from Halo. Do a little Google searching over there and see if you can find this thing. But you weren't listening, were you?

You're fucked now. I wasn't listening at all. Do $400 Dyson purple hair dryer. listening were you you're fucked now i wasn't listening to four hundred dollar dyson purple hair dryer i was so impressed by this blow dryer that i asked my wife if i could use it too she said i could use whenever i wanted and that it was good that uh that we get our money's worth i started using it every morning after my shower to dry my hair instead of just towel drying it i have short hair so it took a minute to dry Still felt like I wasn't getting much use out of it. So I...

I lost my spot. Still felt like I wasn't getting much use out of it, so I started experimenting. I tried drying my armpits, makes applying deodorant much nicer, and I started drying down below. Side note, 100% do recommend. Without going into much detail,

it just feels a lot more hygienic throughout the day. This morning, my wife walked into the bathroom after my shower and saw me and saw something perhaps she wasn't meant to see. For the record, I do not intend for her to come in, but I didn't have the door locked. I had one foot on the floor, one foot on the counter, hair dryer in hand pointed towards Venus and Earth. I've also been humming the Halo tune. I may have also been humming the Halo tune. My wife had a bit of a freak out and was like, what are you doing? I stopped and reminded her that she said I could use the hair dryer whenever I wanted.

She countered with saying that she didn't want me to use it that way. So I'm not sure if my wife has a point here. I definitely did not explicitly say how I was going to use the dryer, but there were no conversations about the limitations beforehand. Am I the asshole? I think you are definitely not the asshole because this is something I've been doing lately. Blow drying your balls? Oh, Kevin.

Wow. Because you know how I usually get dressed wet? Yes. So I stopped. Not stopped totally, but dude, okay. I mean, if you're not blow drying your balls, old men in the gym have a fucking – there's a reason. Wisdom is wasted on the young. They've given us that wisdom.

You're 20 years old. You were given that wisdom. You pretty much should just do all the things old men are doing. A hundred percent. All the weird stuff. It's like you're going to do it. Yeah, because it is like it's – you walk in and they're like, here's this fucking beautiful thing. And then you go home and you laugh to your friends about it.

You try and sneak a picture to show people like, look how weird this is. Bro, you don't have to pop up as much as he is, but if you fucking just get a little of this. Yeah? Yeah. Dude. I feel like I've done that before just a little. But I've never sat there to like dry it. Oh, I've dried it.

I was like bone dry. And it lasts throughout the day? Bro. Have you ever dried and then powdered? I am so much less wet. Nowadays. Out of all the things you've done, putting on clothes soaking wet is the most unfathomable. Not soaking wet, but I would just, I dry quick and then I just fucking put my clothes on.

That's just crazy to think about. And I still do it. I still like, I give a once over real quick on my body. But then my undercarriage I take care of. You pull your pants on and like your calves are wet. Oh, I feel, yeah, it stinks. For sure. Totally insane.

For sure. I definitely have just gone a little, but to hold it there until I'm like totally dry, I haven't, but I have no qualms about this at all. These people are acting like you scrubbed your taint with like their face cloth or something. Like there's no touching. It just blows air. I actually, I've thought about it. What is the fucking difference, blowing your head or your dick?

I've thought about it before. This is a lot, I admit. I have in my bedroom by my bathroom, I have one of those fucking air conditioners that like they're not in the window. It's got like a tube that runs up to the window. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like an external thing.

Yeah. And I've thought about like how I could meet in the middle with the fans of that and the blow dryer and just get both at the same time. You know what I mean? It's like you're going to let the blow dryer blow your ass and the hair dryer blow your dick? I would go blow dryer on my ass. You would get double team

spit roasted by the blow dryer on the air conditioner. One of those videos where the guy's going to get in his blow job and someone's going to eat his ass. No, I, yeah. No, I get it. I would literally be getting a blowjob. I get you. Now, you would go, would you go hot, cold air

from the air conditioner? I would go warm air. I'd go warm air. Warm air. And that's going on my ass. The air conditioner. The air conditioner. On heat. The air conditioner's taking my ass. The air conditioner can do heat and cold. Yes. Well, it can just be a fan and it can be an air conditioner. On heat. The air conditioner is taking my ass. The air conditioner can do heat and cold. Yes. Well, it can just be a fan and it can be an air conditioner.

But are you putting a number or are you putting on – No, it would just be fan. Fan on. Fan. Yeah. So that's not necessarily warm, but it's just not cold. Yeah, it's just a fan. It's just a fan.

Yeah. And then on your dick is the blow dryer and you put it on like high heat. No, I put it on medium heat. Because blow dryers you can also do cold. You ever done that? Sometimes I do cold when I'm just like it's a hot summer day. I'm my hair you get out the shower you know when sometimes you have the uh white socks dave effect where your shower doesn't take you're still sweaty and shit yeah you hit it with the cold air feels good do you see the picture white socks dave uh was that yeah add another one to the fucking hall of fame

what do you say he said something like my my hat was... I don't even know what he said. He threw it on the ice with a hat trick. Right, right. He had his hair curling up. Oh, you're awful. So blow dryer on the dick with medium heat. Air conditioner on your ass.

Room temp on the ass. And why haven't you done it before? I don't think it can reach. I think I need an like, an extender, and that's a little much. Why don't you just bring the blow dryer to where the air conditioner is? I could definitely do that. Great idea. Yeah, no, I never thought about that. Just, like, there's got to be a plug.

I don't really unplug my air conditioner, so I kind of think of it as – I don't, like, put it away when I use it. But wherever the air conditioner is obviously has a plug. Yeah, no, no, no. You're a humdrum guy. Just plug it right underneath. But it's just like my hair dryer, I just think of it as permanent. That stays in there?

Yeah. Don't get me wrong. That's stupid. I could definitely change it. Yeah. All right. I mean, I'm obviously going to do this from now on. Two people said it's good.

It sounds good to me. But Neon is good. And also, obviously he's on NASA. I mean, there's no reason to not. Now, I get if she doesn't want, she's like, I don't want to see you do this. Yeah, sure. Don't walk in on me. You know.

Hey, honey, how are you? I'm not flexible enough for that. I'm just, I just get to spread the legs. How about this? How about this? Hear me out. Let's say this delicious bottle of Whistlepig is the hair dryer. What if you do one of these and you, like, hold it?

Nah, you're not spread open enough. Yeah. Because then you still got crevices going. The wider you get, the less crevices you got. Now, are you really blow-drying your dick and balls, or are we kind of getting to the back a little bit? No, we'll float back. Yeah. crevices you got. Now, are you really blow-drying your dick and balls, or are we kind of getting to the back a little bit? We'll float back, yeah.

So you're giving yourself a rim job with a hair dryer. Because that would seem like a more important thing to dry. Just get the whole area. No, you're getting the whole kit and caboodle. And again, just remind me, what heat are we doing? Just medium. Okay, because hot heat, you know, heat high heat.

But also, I'm not a fan. Try the cool button, man. Cool buttons, I think, are going to blow your mind. You know, it might be a little too cool, but it might be like, ooh, that was exhilarating. And then you do. I also like the armpit. Because you ever put the deodorant on when you're, you don't wear deodorant. I wear deodorant.

You guys ever put on deodorant when your armpits are still wet? It's a mess. Whenever I put on deodorant on when you're – you don't wear deodorant. I wear deodorant. You guys ever put on deodorant when your armpits are still wet? It's a mess. Whenever I put on deodorant, it's still wet. Well, yeah. I mean clearly everything you do is wet. When I put on deodorant when it's still wet, I feel like it's not going to like take effect on the skin. I think that's inaccurate. I know.

But I feel like there's a layer – like there's skin, water, deodorant. I feel like it's not getting in there. I know it's stupid, but it just feels weird to me. I think – you know what? I'm going to have, but it just feels weird to me. I think, you know what? I'm going to have, you know, Zai asked me what I'm going to spend my money on. I want to have one of those things where you're collecting dollars

out of it. That's just how I dry it. I just stand there and it's and I'm just dry. All over my dick's just flopping in the wind. Hair's blowing back. And then I'm just done. I think they did it to Austin Powers when they unfrozen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want that. Like a car wash. I want to go through a car wash in the morning. I want a system where I'm in a bathroom and I sit on like a conveyor belt. And it pushes me through. And it's got the spinny things and those fucking floppy things. And it suds me up.

And it washes me off and then i just and i come out the other side i'm fucking clean ready to go i like that two dishwashers and that all right am i the uh that's it for am i the asshole let's get into our video voicemails uh what do we got let's go one other thing real quick that's a nice way to dry the undercarriage Is what you do Once you're all dried up like that Put the socks on On your bed

But don't put your underpants on first So when you sit on your bed Oh see I do that when I'm wet I'll sit on the bed When I'm wet To dry it But here's the thing. When I sit down,

when I sit down, it's one of those like, you know, I'm kind of like spokes on the sheets. Oh, right on. You're doing spokes on the sheets? Yeah, that's what I mean. I'm like, open up and sit on down.

So I get like my balls and my ass. I almost did it! I'm so happy I up and sit on down. So I get like my balls and my ass. I almost didn't say it. I almost didn't say it. I'm so happy I did. Fuck. Damn it. I could have been like, you know what I mean and made you say it, but I said it. But that means we're not alone. That means other people out there go fucking full ass on the cheek on the bed.

Just like, come on, get your socks out. You're like. Yes. I go casting couch with it. Like, spread it. And then it almost, like, if I'm, like, fresh out of the shower, it leaves, like, a little...

Like a Rorschach test. A little peanut. There's, like, a little spot from the balls, a little curve, a little pop. That's great, though. And then I put my underwear on. I'm like, all right, now I'm dry. You're out here blow-drying. I'm just, bop. Yeah, no, I do both. on I'm like alright now I'm dry You're out here blow drying

I'm just bop Yeah no I do both I do both I do both I hope we're not the only ones That do that I hope Does anybody else in the room

Here do that No No Maybe it's an older guy I don't know Maybe eventually You graduate To putting your fucking feet

Up on things In the beginning You fucking sit on the Sit on the bed and dry your ass. In the beginning, you're all dummies and just use towels. Morons. Rookies. All right, what do we got? Fights, KFC, the crew, what's going on, guys?

I got a quick story for you. So a while back, I was talking to this girl. We hadn't been talking for very long, a couple days. She ended up coming over. We hooked up. She was my first kiss. Everything went through the whole array. And as she was walking out the door, she goes, bye, I love you.

I was like, what the fuck? So I texted all my buddies, and I was like, has this ever happened to you? None of them had said it had happened to them. So I was like, oh, my God, what the fuck? So, you know, slowly ghost her, do the thing. But my question was like... You know, mentally manipulate her and crush her spirit.

What is the wildest thing that you didn't think would actually happen to you that didn't end up happening to you? That's a strange question for that story. What was the question? What's the wildest thing that happened to you that ended up happening to you that you never thought was going to happen to you?

So that guy just never thought some girl was going to kiss him and say I love you, but that's so weird. Now, did he mean like their first kiss? That's what he meant, right? Yeah, their first kiss. Okay, okay. I thought he said like that was my first kiss.

I was like, you seem a little too old for that. What a question. I don't know, man. I ended up on fucking page six. That was the wildest thing that happened to me. Not I once kissed a girl and had mixed messages. That's the wildest thing that ever happened to you that you didn't think was going to happen? I made international news with my dick once.

They were talking. The United Kingdom was talking about who I fuck once. Didn't think that was going to happen. Never woke up when I was in the seventh grade being like you know what's gonna happen to me one day the daily mail is gonna talk about who i fuck rupert murdoch's paper we're talking about who i have sex with i will never get over that man i had paparazzi outside my office asking me about who i fuck didn't put that one on the calendar. That wasn't in the five-year plan. I was going to say,

if that was me leaving a voicemail and telling that story, it would be like, so I had this girl come over the other day and we kissed for the first time and as she walked out the door, she said, I love you. And I was like, what? And then I panicked, so I sprinted after her and said, I love you too.

And then we've been together for four years now. That's how that story goes when I tell it. Yeah, the I love you, it can be a – I think you have to say I love you back. You have to say – I think you're a bad person if you don't say I love you back then. You do not. I didn't say it back once. It was like high school. It was like fucking some girl. No, that's the right thing to do. I don't say I love you back then. You do not. I didn't say it back once. It was like high school.

It was like fucking some girl. No, that's the right thing to do. I just went, I'm not there yet. Yeah. I see you getting there. In high school you did this? Yeah, and then I did what that guy did. Slowly ghosted her.

I once said it to a girl, and she didn't say it back, and I didn't even really notice. Like, I don't know. I think she just like- I assure you I would notice. But I think she like just kissed I would notice But I think she like Just kissed me or something It wasn't like a Nice

See you later It was like in the moment But I didn't even realize Until later And she was like You know I didn't say it back That first time I didn't even realize that

I said it once Having sex with a girl It wasn't like a one night stand But we were not dating And it was Not returned What was returned? Anything anything i said it was no nothing no but like you know sometimes i say i'm not there oh no no we were literally having

sex right and i was like i love you and she was like just keep going because i was gonna say that's the best moment like if i said like i love you and she was like get on your back i'll suck your dick like i can't i don't care what you say. Say it back, don't say it back, whatever. That's the best place to not hear it. I feel like if you say it, you know, just like, I gave you the card on Valentine's Day and now I'm saying it, and then just like, nice. Or like, thank you.

Dude, I think when you don't mean it is when you have to say it back more. This is why you are the way you are. I think it's a more important time to say it back when you don't mean it. This is why you are the way you are. I think it's a more important time to say it back when you don't mean it. This is why you're this way. Exactly. I had someone, well, no, I mean, I disagree, but I had someone call me the wrong name. What does it mean?

It's not some verbal contract. That's exactly what they think it is. No, it's not. I'm like with you that it shouldn't be what it is. That's on you then. It's just fucking words. Yeah, I love you too. Sure, who gives a fuck?

I had someone. Like, if you put that much fucking stuff. Like he said, hard D. We're on a hard D right now. John, so you're just saying that, you know, you can just say whatever words. Words don't have any meaning. Words don't have meaning. You can say whatever words you want.

Well, no. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying words aren't verbal contracts. They have meaning. Okay. They're not like, it's not like, oh, this means forever. I'm indebted for blank. Like, it just means like, I don't know.

Yeah, sure. I love you too. Whatever. Whatever you want. Here's the thing. I think that saying I love you is much like proposing. You better. Better.

No, you're getting it back. You're getting a yes. You're saying it to me. You're getting it back. Yeah. Same thing with a proposal. Yeah. I think if a bitch proposed to you, you'd say yes back. You're getting a yes. You're saying it to me. You're getting it back. Yeah. Same thing with the proposal. I think if a bitch proposed to you, you'd say yes. Absolutely.

Yeah. We said that before. The worst thing that could happen to me is a KC Radio fan runs up on the street and proposes to me. This one is a contract. How about you don't watch Love is Blind, right? No. Bro, you got to watch it. It's magic.

It's reality tv show magic these people this guy proposed to this girl on the show you know the premise right yeah i do now you told me i thought it was just five people in love yeah that's a great idea just watch blind people like you know wiggle their way through life where's your fucking pussy where's your dick like i think i think think Chaps says it's cute or something like that. I feel like – or maybe I'm just conflating that with – Blind people fucking? No, the way he talked about it, it made me think it was –

What did you tell him? Love is blind or blind people fucking? Love is blind. Okay. The way he talked about it made me think it was like, oh, they're adorable or something like that. But then that's how he says stuff about like my thousand pound wife or whatever. So maybe... These people are absolute maladjusted freak shows.

You talk to them through a wall. They call them the pods. You go in this like little confessional room and there's like a lit up wall. You can't see anything, not even like a shadow. And you talk. And they talk for like 72 straight hours.

You bounce in and out. I talk to you hours you bounce in and out i talk to you i talk to her talk to this and then uh people are proposing after like two two days some people have to like one day and then you see each other after the proposal and then you have two weeks to decide whether you actually go through with the wedding or not um and and what and what do you win a nightmare in three years? Yeah. You just get that. You just get a girl or a boy. Like you just have a wife and a husband now, but the people, the grand prize is you have a fucking pretty big lawyer's bill in a couple of weeks. Exactly.

You're going to need therapy and a lawyer. Even if you stick with it for the two weeks. Yeah. But the, like talk about getting cornered and forced into saying it, the one dude brought his grandma's ring and had someone bring it into her pod and was like, okay, they request a date almost, like meet me in the pod. She goes in there and on the table,

he's like, what you're looking at there is my grandmother's ring that she passed down to me and wanted me to give to the girl who I love and it's you. Will you marry me? And the girl is by herself in the room and she was like and it's like and he's like are you okay over there and she's like

yes yeah yeah yes let's do it. And he's like, oh, you just made me the happiest man in the world. I was like, oh, what the fuck? But that would be you. If someone proposed to you through a wall, I feel like you'd be like, yes. Yes. That's exactly it. You've got to watch this show, are so they're such fucking freaks

and some of the most hateable people in the world the one guy i said this on the other show but i gotta repeat it here he is like he's like an aziz ansari character he's this indian guy uh i said he's like gandhi from clone high if you've seen that before like just this horny little indian guy and most people are there because they are like they've been dumped they've been cheated on they haven't found love and they're they're changing their ways like oh i always dated the hot person i always went for superficial things now i'm just gonna go for content you know but he was not really like that and he was trying to find out like who's hot and who's not like like so do you wear makeup and like what kind of clothes do you wear and the best was he goes so if we were at like a music festival would you be the type of

girl to like get up on my shoulders and dance and they're like yeah yeah like that sounds fun i'd be like the girl up there and he goes cool cool cool so like would i have trouble picking you up they're all like what the fuck does that mean so he was just trying to like sneaky ways to find out if you're fat or not we did talk about this because i was like it's like michael scott when he's yes yeah yeah yeah yes could you sit in a rowboat could you be right but i i'm waiting i love love is blind but they've got to do it sooner or later they've got to put a fucking huge fat person and they've had some fat people, and I bet through conversation,

you can probably figure out if someone's fat or not and weed them out. But one of these days, I want there to be like some frat boy who proposes, and this girl is just like 300 pounds. I want the door to open up, and I want him to just go like, I don't know, what would be funnier?

If the door opened up and he was like, or if he just went like, fuck, fuck! Fuck! Whatever it is, that's, love is blind. You want to put some like, you want to set a balls and make reality TV show history fat shame someone like that. Holy shit. That's a mean. It would be horribly

mean. It's overly mean. Horribly mean. Because then he has to be mean. And then he has to be hated. You're like ruining her self-esteem you're ruining like his reputation you're ruining all of it i mean he has to he doesn't have to i guess that's his thing but like do you think you could like you would like fake it in the moment you think you could like hold it together you think you'd be like holy shit i think i think it would probably come through my face yeah i would try but jesus with the oh she's got it fucking you know what would be

you know what would be good we've took like our favorite our favorite Jesus like when Rudy did it or what was it was it Jesus

was it yeah how'd they let you go from the set of This Is Us for so long I thought season 5 was renewed

I don't know what's going on here that one was huge renewed. I don't know what's going on here. That woman's huge. I mean, I don't even watch the show. I just saw her on my timeline. It's just like, she's just really. Nothing against it. It's just a factual statement.

I have a bad beard, and she is just talking facts here. Talking facts. Next up. Yo, KFC fights whole squad. I just bought tickets to the Boston Live show number two. Yay, yay. Let's go. I originally wanted to go, but I thought I had Tom Segura tickets that night.

So I held off. Recently checked. I had Tom Segura tickets that night. So I held off. Recently checked. I had the Saturday show. Still being almost 30 was a little bit reluctant to do both back to back. Said fuck it. I want to see my boys listen to every episode. So I pulled trigger. But that incited a question.

Who would you guys be okay with cucking you on your live show? Is it Tom Segura? Like if I was like, I'm going to Tom Segura. Would love to see you guys. Would you be upset? Where's the line? That's the most disrespectful question. Wait, is Segura in Boston that weekend? Oh, I didn't know that.

I mean, we sold out Nashville, but Burt is at the exact same time at the Grand Ole Opry. Yeah, we went head-to-head with Tom and Burt on our next two live shows. We did pretty good, though. Sold out the first Wilbur show. There's tickets available for the second one right now, but we got guys buying it now. Doesn't your guy also do their stuff? Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, I mentioned it to him, and he was just like, there's a lot of comedy fans. Like, you'll be fine. guy's buying it now doesn't your guy also do their stuff was he just yeah yeah yeah no i i mean i

mentioned it to him and he was just like there's a lot of comedy fans like they'll you'll be fine like i'm like okay um now here's the thing you're talking to two guys no self-confidence no self-esteem so i'd be like yeah i don't know you like him better than me like fine fuck it tom segura i would definitely be like okay with yeah if someone says like i like tom's i think tom segura is funnier than you it's like okay i remember people somebody being like you know like uh you know like joe rogan has like better guests than you or something i was like okay yeah the biggest podcast of all time okay i can't believe i'm eating the same breath as him i i yes a bunch of people like like all the famous comedians. Dan Soder.

Everyone we have on is funnier than us. So we have them on. You idiots. There's very few people that are – I mean, professional comics all do a better show than we do. It's about – our shows are about coming and hanging out, seeing us, enjoying ridiculous moments. It's not like you're going to see our stand-up routine. It's about like we're going to have ridiculous fans on stage and bagpipes and we're going to drink and take

pictures and hang out. You're coming to a party more so than a stand-up show. Yes. Especially second show Boston St. Patrick's Day weekend. I'm going to be so drunk for that. You're going to be hammered. And everyone else will be too. I recommend if you got the money and the time that you're at the first show, just come to the second show also.

Hang out because it's going to be a different show. We're going to run back some of the similar stuff, but I think we always kind of have different takes and different conversations. It goes different directions. So you're just going to hang out with us for a few hours on St. Patrick's Day weekend. Get fucked up.

We'll do some pictures afterwards. It's going to be a time. Also, Philly is now available. So get your tickets to the Fillmore. We're going to be a time. Also, Philly is now available. So get your tickets to the Fillmore. We're going to be in Philly in May. But first and foremost, March 18th at the Wilbur in Boston, St. Patrick's Day weekend, second show. Get your tickets. Tell your friends.

Bring a date. Go solo. I'm telling you, you want to find love in a hopeless place. I think – I mean I've talked before about how i want to make a a dating app that's like based on podcasts you listen to and people you follow this is this is where it's where i got the idea from it because people come to these shows and they meet up and they fuck and they date and they get together and it's like a uh it's it's like a little it's like a little fucking orgy we're like a little cults getting together on stage.

Philly, Gay Joe is going to be there. Oh, very nice. He lives in Philly, so he'll be coming to hang out again. So, you know, it's KFC Radio. Yeah, the Milk Girls will be at the one in Philly. So it's KFC Radio and friends. Get your tickets. Go to the link in bio for all of our social media

or click the link in the description if you're watching on YouTube. Next up. Hey, what's up, guys? From like your dark rod. What is that? I was the guy that sent the voicemail about Wordle, which I've since quit Wordle because it fucking blows now. Anyways, I'm here requesting some good old-fashioned poop talk, inspiration being that I am coming off a performance and a half in the old Lou.

I just want to know how often do you poop? How long do you poop? When's the last time you shit yourself? When's the last time you pooped so good you had to take your shirt off? Got any other good pooping stories? Do you like pooping? What's your wiping situation like? A lot of different ways you can go.

That's all. This has been Trade Dogs. Let's just let Jackie take this one. Yeah, Jackie. Let's zoom in. Cut all the other mics other than Jackie's. Jackie, answer the questions one by one. This guy is a little too cocky. I think he's a little too big for his britches.

I'm the best Wordle player. Oh, but I don't play anymore. It's just no good. Sounds like a guy who can't play Wordle anymore. Oh, I'm the greatest shitter alive. You're going to call in two weeks and be like, I don't even poop anymore, man. I mean, have you made any changes? That's one question.

What's that? Have you made any changes? Have I made any changes to what? Your poop. To my poop? Like your poop game. I can't. Do you think differently?

No. You know, because, like, I've tried. You know, they make those things where you put your feet up. Oh, I used one of those one time. I've tried doing that. You also walk into someone's bathroom, you see one of those, you're like, It's insane. It's insane.

It's insane. I'm like, God damn it. Like, if you need an apparatus. You walk into someone's bathroom and there's a goddamn apparatus. It's just like the same thing every time. Dude, like, you walk in. You need an apparatus. You walk into someone's bathroom and there's a goddamn apparatus? No. I just think the same thing every time. Dude, like, you walk into a toilet. If I walk into someone's bathroom, I don't immediately picture them shitting in there.

If I walk into someone's bathroom and they have one of those things. I'm picturing you perched like a gargoyle up there. I mean, this is fucking nuts. And then also, if you have it, you keep it in the cabinet. I'm not going to get it in and out. Every time I shit, it's a fucking emergency. You're waddling your way in. Yeah, I'm not like, oh, I'm going to go take a candle, bring my paper.

I'm like, oh, boy. I hate those things that are called, like, the poopy pal or something like that. You know what I mean? They make it, like, very childish. It's like, this is my shit deck. Like, oh, you don't have a step stool to shit? That's weird. You know, it aligns your body.

The natural alignment. How about we don't talk about how your colon lines up with your asshole, dude? It's not exactly like cocktail hour discussion you dickhead i've been cheating like this for 33 years yeah i'll be i'll be all right like maybe it's not it's not one of those things where it like revolutionizes your existence you know it's like i don't know maybe the maybe your shit came out a little faster one time fucking chill out what i do uh wanna – I was at a hotel a couple months ago, and it had the built-in electronic bidet thing that has like – it has – blows hot air. It can do – it can shoot cold water, hot water. But it has one that like this little thing goes and comes out.

It almost looks like planes when they refuel out in the sky and shoots in. But then it would also, there was another option. It would turn over and be like, and shoot out. So I was actually playing with Keegan with it. We had a blast. He loved this thing. It was like playing in the sprinkler, but it was a fucking bidet, which feels dirty, but it's not. It's just like clean water shooting out.

So he was playing in the water and shit. I was like, this is fucking wacky. But it was all built in right there. And I was like, I don't know. Better to have a fucking advanced toilet than not, right? I guess so. But I don't know. I don't care.

I'd probably use a bidet for more pleasure than cleanliness. I'd probably just pop on there when I didn't go and just be like. Then you got to go sit on your bed after that. Yeah. I use the blow dryer, the built-in blow dryer, and then I go spread and sit. Do the spread and sit, and I'm good to go. Got a little tickle.

It's fine. Feels great. All right. Enough. Absolutely fucking enough. Interview today is Eric Stonestreet. Cam from Modern Family. The man. He's got a new show out

where he's hosting a game show. And it's brought to you by Laundry Sauce. It's the first designer detergent made specifically for the boys. For the guys. For the dudes. For the lads. For the bros. At Laundry Sauce, you'll discover a better way to muck your laundry.

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modern men who know how to chuck sauce on the ice and in the laundry room. I can't believe they just have us doing this hockey ad read. It's also for foreplay. They're just going to do hockey ad reads too. If you want to start buzzing out there, you know you need the boys buzzing. They got to cycle the pucks uh then scale up your laundry game by going to laundry sauce.com

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you know, whether you're biz and a hockey player and you got your wrench to worry about, or you just want to have clean clothes that don't ruin a detergent that doesn't ruin your clothes. Go to laundry sauce.com and get yours today. Eric stone street. Okay.

So you're ready. Let's talk to him. That's Jackie and Mike. You guys really cleaned up. Well, we actually, we did. This is about as good as it gets, brother. That's for me. Yeah, you know what? You can have that. Sure.

Yeah, let's say that. That's why that's there for you. It's a medium. We did clean up, but we also stopped cleaning up as much as we used to because we kind of decided, it's like, you're in our world now. Oh, yeah. You don't get special treatment anymore, pal. Good, good, good.

Last time we were at like a fancy hotel. Yeah. That was the first only and last time we ever did something like that. We have not been invited back to any fancy hotels. I'm just taking it all in. So you have to donate something, preferably like that fat wallet, to the wall. Okay. We have Mark Wahlberg drank some coffee the other day.

We used to have – You have real guests like Mark Wahlberg? Could you believe it? We were like – Not just – Has-beens. I think what happened was one of his guys and his crew, I think is a fan of ours, because he said to us, like, yeah, man, they told us that you guys are the biggest act over

here. I'm like, okay. I'll take it, but absolutely not. So that you guys are like the biggest act over here. Okay. I'll take it, but absolutely not. So I think Mark got duped on that one. But yeah, we had a porn star's used gum for a while up here. Yeah. Remember when Houston had her labia? Can I say labia?

You can say whatever you want. Yeah, yeah. Remember when the porn star Houston had her labia trimmed and then put in Lucite? No. You don't Google it. No one has ever fit into our show more. When you can stump us on porn talk, you, brother, the mic is yours. Did you see him throw his headphones out?

Hold on. This is my moment. This is my moment. This is my time. She trimmed her labia and then did what? She put it in lucite. Like, she put her piece of her labia... Was it for sale or just to have?

I think it was auctioned off or something. I'm in over my head. Mike's gonna tell us all of it. Pressure right now, Mike. I'll tell you what, the first time you were on, you told us all about how goat cheese is made, and that's now the second most weird thing you told us. Or how it smells.

That just came back into my Twitter world not that long ago. But weirdly, it just happened again today. I was doing a talk show, much more high status than this. Much more successful. I caught you. I saw you on the Today Show. status than this. Much more successful. I caught you. I'd say that today's show. I'm sorry. Drew Barrymore. Oh, Barrymore. Okay. But anyway, she doesn't like goat cheese

and we connected over that. She's like, why don't you like it? And I'm like, I would have to tell you off the air. Well, it is funny because I had tweeted about it. I said something like, you know, just your yearly reminder for me that goat cheese is underrated. And immediately people were like, smells like cum, smells like cum tan. And I was like, we're going to have this bond for the rest of our lives.

As long as we're on social media, that's going to happen. What'd you find? We got porn star surgery, a.k.a. the Barbie. That's what it's called. No, but her name was Houston. Get rid of this guy. I mean, we actually's called. No, but her name was Houston. Get rid of this guy. I mean, we actually have a competition coming up. Her name was Houston.

She used to do the Houston 500 where she'd line up and have dudes just like, Yes, you are the man that you know. I know it well, yes. Lindsay, my fiancee is in the green room right now, not happy. Figuring out the whole world. Yeah, look, today I learned that actress Houston had her labia trimmed off, auctioned it off. How much do you think she got for it?

What would I pay for a labia? What would you pay for a labia? I'll bet she got $200,000. No, that's what I would have thought. $50,000. So you know what? She's got bad business acumen. It wasn't just slightly used.

That's the thing in that realm, though. The more things are used. She just texted me. I think we're good on the label. Move it along. Move it along. Brother, we are about to do 25 more minutes on this. That is, oh, you want to hear a really disgusting comment?

She didn't want. This is on Reddit. Most expensive jerky ever. Okay. So maybe we have, we do need to move on. He's going to throw up. Has he got the gag reflex? I wouldn't believe it.

Like sometimes, the last week he ate fermented shark, which smells like exactly what you would guess. You want to clear out a room, Bring some fermented shark into the building. Is that the stuff that I saw in the challenge where people would open the can of like the Swedish? Yes. Swedish fish. No, but it's a fish.

Nova. Scotian. Yes. Yes. That was the worst thing I've ever smelled in my life. We have this show here. It's called Lowering the Bar. It's just like it has become what I do.

And it's very frustrating for me because now it's just people like hey eat this gross thing and throw up be a great writer a great storyteller a great creative marketing mind and now it's like make the dude eat weird asian fruit and puke and it works but again i laugh every time i turn it off uh when i see somebody puking but that instinct, that first thing you feel. This is so funny. It's so good. I feel like, look, I regret my downfalls of career, but they make me laugh.

Pukes make me laugh. Listen, it's like farts. It's like universal. I'm not so much a fart guy. No, but I mean it adds humor. We'll always laugh. It'll always laugh. I can only, like seriously, I'm enjoying this so much because Lindsay's never been like on a real like press day with me to go from the Today Show with Al Roker to talking about

labias, pukes, and farts. Congratulations. That's what we do. I feel like I'm a chameleon. I can go anywhere. I can be up at dinner at Cipriani last night. It is funny when we get people doing the New York swing because it is the Tonight Show and the morning shows,

and they are a lot of times coming nicely dressed. I noticed you dropped the blazer. I think you wore the blazer on the Tonight Show. And I even added a stain at the top. I added a stain on my shirt at a Thai restaurant before this. That is the one thing I can't do if I'm dressed remotely nicely is eat. Because if I have something that is – You're a child.

Sure. That could we go with. But any time I'm eating, I just – I spill on a mess. It's almost like I want to get it out of the way. I'm just like, throw it on there. Now I don't have to worry about it. I can enjoy my meal. I'm already steamed. It's almost like I want to get it out of the way. I'm just like, throw it on there. Now I don't have to worry about it. I can enjoy my meal.

I'm already steamed. It's embarrassing. What'd you get at Cipriani's? Oh, last night, I had everything. All of it. All of it. Well, because I made the mistake of saying I'd never been there, and then the waiter was really cool, and he's like, do you mind if I let you experience Cipriani?

And I was like, sure. Yeah. And $10,000 later, it was delicious. What was your top dish, you think? The carpaccio and then the cod, the butter lemon cod is what he brought me for my main course. It was good. But listen, I'd eat a hot dog any day. I just had Thai food right here.

Do you guys go to this Thai restaurant by you guys called Random Access? Never heard of it. Dude, how many blocks away is it? Yeah, it's three blocks away. It's called Random Access. It's very good. Super it? It was like three blocks. Yeah, three blocks away. It's called Random Acts. It's very good. Super spicy? I got mine Thai spicy.

I hadn't seen my co-star, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, in two years, and we just met for lunch. No shit. Yeah. That's nice. I think you bumped into him. You met intentionally. We met. Okay.

And then when he was walking away, I got the video. He was walking away, and we were in our car, and as he was turning down the street, I let him get a little further, and I lean out the window. I'm like, hey, that's the red-headed guy from modern family and as we're pulling away a lady walking across the street she goes congratulations it's like that's so good he did mention congrats though When did you pop the question? August. And when? Do we have a date? No.

50, bro. Huh? I'm 50. I was going to say, you can kind of chill now. Yeah, and she has two great boys, and, you know, so we're good. We're just taking it. You just got the question out. That's all you did.

Yeah, you did your job. I mean, it got to the point where I was embarrassed at 50 saying, this is my girlfriend. The GF. And she deserves a chunky piece of jewelry. And she deserves a title of fiance. Hi. I'm not talking about labias anymore, at least.

Get to be a labia later. Bob Craft has got engaged. I saw. And I saw the flurry of happy ending jokes. Oh, my gosh. A lot of that, you know, he deserves to have a happy ending. Oh, yeah. So remind me. You guys are Patriot people?

You are. Yes, I am. And who's your team? The Jets. The deserves to have a happy ending. Oh, yeah, so remind me. You guys are Patriot people? You are. Yes, I am. And who's your team? The Jets. The Jets. I respect it. I respect it more than them. Yeah, he's –

We respect it more than you. Well, because you were young enough that you've only had great teams. Not true. You had like one – Mostly true. Mostly true. I think I was 12 when we first met. So, yeah, it's pretty much –

You're still a Jets fan. You might be a fan of football. Just the sport of football. No, you know what is funny? When I watch guys like Mahomes, I mean, you watch the AFC right now and all the little litany of quarterbacks we have, right? And I watch these games, and I'm like, this is a different sport than what I watch. And the Jets are putting something together, God willing.

It's a slow process. But, you know, mostly week in, week in week out i'm like we're celebrating first downs we're hoping to get there were years where i was hoping to get past midfield there was a game i will never forget it was the cardinals and jets i think uh greg mcelroy made an appearance at one point i don't think either team crossed midfield for like three quarters it's just a fun fest and then i watch you know someone slinging it and'm like, this is a different altogether sport. So is the guy not going to be the guy? Well, I mean, Zach Wilson is, you know, the jury's still out.

But, you know, we just did it. And one of these guys eventually will have to be it. But how many times can you be like, well, I liked what I saw in the second half of the season. You started to put it together. And what about that one win against the win? Blah, blah, blah. And it's like, yeah, we did this with saw in the second half of the season. You started to put it together. And what about that one win against – blah, blah, blah. And it's like, yeah, we did this with Sam Donald. We've done this before. And so I'll believe when I see it.

The difference is they got like a coach that people respect and like. And it seems like the GM had a really big draft. But I feel like until you have – when you get a guy like Andy Reid, you get a guy like Patrick Mahomes, it just changes absolutely everything. What hurts is that Mahomes was on the board for the Jets, and they drafted a safety, so. Safety, at least he's not a team. Yeah, he's still on the team.

It's not like he's a fucking idiot who absolutely sucks now. But I went through that for many years with the Chiefs where so many dudes were on the board, and, you know, we didn't get those guys. I mean, we could have had Kenny O'Brien back in the day in that draft, you know, didn't get those guys i mean yeah we could have had kenny o'brien back in the day in that draft you know but we got i think todd blackledge what do you what were the years like the alex smith years where it was like you're gonna win like 12 games in the regular season like every year but are you really gonna get over the top i think alex

with that team could have would have won a super bowl yeah i think i think i mean that leg was patrick's different skill set let's talk about his what do you think about his brother and now fiance you know what's weird I wanted to interrupt and say something about the brother too

because the way you said Patrick's it just made me think you were going to say brother I was like oh you're going to say brother as a fan like you know of course i'm not saying some people are horrible to those two they're bullying and they're rude and like that's obviously trash but as a fan sometimes it's like well we just don't want this distraction so maybe you can cool well it's not my distraction and i and i honestly yield to patrick i i what i know of patrick is he, what I know of Patrick is he's a great individual.

Like he is, he's a great person, a standup guy. So I'm not going to jump in his shoes and make cast dispersions on whatever's going on. I will only say about Jackson and Brittany, whom I both met and are nice people. Randy is mom, nice people,

his dad, nice person, is that I don't know how any of us react in the situation they're in. And I say the same things with the Justin Biebers and the Lindsay Lohans. When you're young and you have everything in your life, I don't know out of 100 people who always make the right choices. And I just... None. None. None.

So I think Patrick is in charge of what he's in charge of, and I'll yield to him. Man, it's just a shitty spot to be in where it's like... Well, to be fair, they can't win. Right, correct. They can't do anything that is one way or the other. 100%. When you're getting shit on for spraying champagne because you won a playoff game.

Right. I mean, how, you know, literally you're going to get it no matter what. That one was the craziest one of all time. What about people who had to drive home and now smell like alcohol? But that's the world. Yeah, exactly. That's the world we live in. I would say that the bulk of the majority of people in Kansas City support Patrick Mahomes.

Right. And whatever he wants. Those are the people Patrick Mahomes loves, which they are. We love them too. And we love them too. Yeah. And we just hope that they're safe and good and making good decisions. And that's all we can think about.

There was a – That was a very diplomatic answer. Yeah. We're proud. We're proud. Really well done. Seemingly you've been asked that question a time or two before. Never.

But thought you might. Wrote that out last night. But it was something like a few weeks ago, a month ago, a fake report that he sat down, Brittany and Jackson, said you can't come to the games anymore. And I was thinking, immediately, I was like, there's no fucking way this is true. Simply because I don't care if you make $500 million,

I don't care if you win 10 Super Bowls, you you sit down you tell your wife who just had your kids so you can't come to my games anymore yeah okay patrick mahomes's head is ripped off i don't care who you are and the same with uh coach reed and b enemy all that stuff going on i mean people are just making up shit i love that coach at the at the combine i think at his press conference just right away just said it's it's complete fabrication of a story that Bien-Ami and Patrick don't get along or that there was a fight. I'm sorry, have you not been in a professional football locker room at halftime when things aren't going perfectly?

Of course there's something going on. It doesn't mean that you – I mean, the nature of a football team is you love each other up, right, and you get in each other's face. That's what a true team is, is you get in each other's face. So if that happened, I have no clue if it happened, it's not like acrimonious, like we're going to break up the team now. Well, yeah, it's not like a set of Modern Family where you guys all hate each other.

Yeah. Right. Any beef there? Yeah, I fucking hate Jesse Tyler Ferguson. No, we weren't boring in that way, man. I mean, I'm glad we were boring that way. We weren't the cast that was causing trouble outside of work or at work. This is probably different when you have kids, right?

Yeah. Well, and everybody. Kids on the set. Yes, kids on the set. And then it's all set by number one on the call sheet, and that's Ed O'Neill. And number one on the call sheet sets the tone, right? Well, Ed O'Neill's not coming to work fucking around right yeah yeah yeah yeah let's go home right right so uh he just said it right but this was that does that make it was like a very

i would imagine my like guess would have been that it was like kind of fun and goofing around was it a very like professional no it was goofing around but it was professional kind of fun and goofing around. Was it a very like professional? No, it was goofing around, but it was professional goofing around. Because at the point, you know, at some point when you're cracking yourself up and laughing at yourself, the crew's looking at you like. Are you done? You done? Yeah. Well, that's what I was thinking.

Yeah, the guy's doing the lighting or something. He's like, I don't know. My daughter's dance recitals tonight, and I know you fucking won a trophy for how funny you are. Yeah, yeah. You're going to put this on your Instagram. So you do find yourself finding the balance because what made us good, in my opinion, was our ability to kind of just riff and be loose all the time.

But my rule working on any set is you never make work for other people. I didn't invent that. That's something that's been passed down to me. But it's not like you're making a mess. It's not like you're making more work. The worst thing you can do as an actor is be like, you know what this scene needs? Man, I wish I had like a humidifier. Do we have a humidifier?

And the props guy's over there being like, motherfucker, Stone Street, making me go to Walgreens and get a fucking humidifier, driving the whole way, and now I'm on that dude's list, right? Have you worked with people like that before? I've seen actors. Without names, but like, you know, and everyone's just like, God damn it, you jerk. I've seen that. I've seen that. Do you keep in touch with the kids, though?

Because I actually, I was saying earlier that probably for the last 20 hours I've watched Modern Family. It's a... In preparation for this interview? Like, no, just like, I just love this show. And I saw I was watching it, and I was just thinking, like, how cool it must be to be like the kids, and almost like, what's AJ Soprano's name? AJ, oh...

Whatever. But we don't know it because he stopped. He was like, I'm good now. Yeah, he was set. He's like, I'm all set. I'm done acting. I don't even like this. Yeah, I mean, getting a 150 or 200 episode, whatever, long run when you're 12 or something is fucking crazy.

Well, I do keep it. We all keep in touch with each other. We have the text change going constantly. Odd. Is it muted or not? No. No? No.

Wow. We don't text that much. Any group text I have muted. Yeah, We don't text that much. Any group text, I have muted. Yeah, we don't text that much. But Ariel's, you know, keep in touch with her, Rico, Noel, and the whole group. We're all close. I feel like we've heard that more often than not. I don't know why. There must have been a couple shows, like, in a row or something that we learned were, like, tumultuous.

But I feel like I'm always kind of like, was there problems on set? And most of the funny, successful shows that we've gotten lucky enough to talk to people like no we're all pretty much friendly yeah and maybe there's one person who really goes megastar and they're not around as much but for the most part and it all comes down to like kind of like confidence in your own ability right i mean insecurities are what create problems on sets. And we were all a group of people that had been doing it long enough. I mean, starting with Ed O'Neill, Al frickin' Bundy. Like, we're all confident coming into the situation. Isn't it crazy that there's probably a whole generation of younger viewers

who picked up Modern Family who wouldn't think of him as... I knew Al Bundy, but I just missed him. Think of him as Jay? Yeah, I think of him as Jay for sure. That's crazy. That's crazy. Like, I was... missed him. You think of him as Jay? Yeah, I think of him as Jay for sure. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's nuts, right? Like, I was, I think, fuck, what was it called?

Married with Children? Married with Children. I think I was just like a little, a smidge too old for it. I'd recognize them, but I wasn't. He's definitely Jay Pritchett. Well, what's so cool is he's not Jay Pritchett, and he's not Al Bundy. I would hope he's not Al Bundy. Right, but when you meet him, that's what you want.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see that he's playing two charactersy. Right. But when you meet him, that's what you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see that he's playing two characters. It's really fun. What did you grow up watching? What was, like, your favorite show as a kid? Well, I mean, I liked all the shows that I thought I was watching in real time, but then later learned that they were old shows, like the Leave it to Beavers, the Dick Van Dykes, the Gilligan's Island.

Those shows weren't being made when I was that age. I was watching them in what I now know as syndication. But growing up, it was Family Ties, Cosby Show, and I liked all those shows. Getting that syndication money has got to be pretty sweet. I'm comfortable.

This is a new iPhone. I don't wait for when my term's up I just go in That is a really good game Honestly that's a That's one of those things Like all I need in life Is this

Like all I need is I don't even have to wait Until my term's up You made it brother And then at the Apple store They're usually like So you just Buy the phone?

Yeah, I was going to say, you don't have to roll it into your bill. Yeah. You're going to just buy it. No, my gauge. I'm a billboard in time. You know, true fucking story. Second or third season of Modern Family, I had to go in and do something at the Apple store. And I didn't have my ID with me.

And I was with a buddy. And he was like, hey, just tell him to just Google you. I'm like, oh my God, that's so true. And it happened last night, or this morning. I didn't have my, no, it was last night. He didn't have my ID with me. And Lindsey's like, you don't have your ID with you.

What if you have to show your ID with your vax card? And I'm like, well, they could Google me. I mean, like, it's true. Yeah mean like yeah but you gotta be the guy saying Google me Google me don't you know who I am I mean that is what was I gonna say oh when I talking about money or whatever I thought like well I know I've made it when or I comfortable at least when I would be at a hotel and not give a shit what I ate in the mini bar. That's something that's drilled into me. Don't touch anything!

I was convinced that a soda was $300, the way my parents acted. Well, it is at the Park High. Found that out. So you're not quite there yet. No, I'm still looking at the bill. That's the next step If you don't even look at it

We went through the menu last night And ordered breakfast for this morning And she's like Guess how much the steak and eggs are I'm like 61 54 I was gonna say it's 46

Okay It's ridiculous It really is Some like shitty steak And a couple eggs But The steak left over from last night 11 dollars

Yeah But the three things for me in the beginning Were Hotel mini bars Ballet But the three things for me in the beginning were hotel minibars, valet. You always valet the car? Yeah. I never did. I'm like, well, I'm not going to pay $3 when I can. Right.

Now it's like, hmm. Well, see, what stops me from valet is cash. Yeah, I don't have cash. I don't have cash. I always have cash. That's my dad. You got those hundies in there, like Sinatra style? Just be like, yeah.

Keep it. And then avocado. Well, like extra at Chipotle? Well, no, but they always charge for avocado on a salad. It's like you can have the BLT salad, but avocado is $2. I'm like, I'll take it. I do all of those things. So you're either the worst rich guy ever or I'm just a wasteful asshole. You're a wasteful asshole. Because I'm not even close to you, and I'm like, eh, I'll do all of those things, so you're either the worst rich guy ever, or I'm just a wasteful

asshole. You're a wasteful asshole. Because I'm not even close to you, and I'm like, eh, I'll do all that shit too. Did this start on Modern Family? Yeah. You were a successful actor before that. Yeah, but I mean... Not a minibar.

Not avocado. Not a minibar. Not a minibar is successful. Yeah. Not like... What you're describing is like... You were Bad Teacher successful. Huh?

Bad Teacher successful. Yeah, but I was on Modern Family then. You were on Modern Family for Bad Teacher? Yeah, that was my first hiatus. Modern Family's been around for 100 years. I guess that's right. I always think of it. 2009, when were you born?

I was born in 88. Okay. All right, you're not that young. Just missing it. No, no. How old did you think you were? What did you think I was? Well, I thought maybe you were in college in 2009.

Well, you would have been. I was. You was, yeah. Well, no, I've been kicked out already. Okay. Wherefrom? I should have been. Ooh, you want to get into that list? no, I've been kicked out already. Where from? I should have been. Ooh, you want to get into that list? Oh, you've been kicked out of a lot of colleges?

Nah, I'm not kicked out. I've asked not to return. I never got in trouble. It was just like, you're great. Suck. Get the fuck out. It wasn't like I wasn't beating people up and stuff like that. John would have been the guy in the movie where you were the professor who took note in the kid who you know is smart but not applying himself.

It's like, why don't you do this? And you get through his exterior shell and break him down and he becomes a skinner. It's like good will hunting but not that smart. And now tonight, extra avocado. F you, professors. No, but I think

being real about it, was there any, did you buy your family member a house or was there a luxury that you bought when you really did make it that was the way you did it your whole life? Without getting into specifics, I think I'm a...

How much do you make and how much property do you own? How much do you pay in taxes? I think people think I'm a generous person and I think I've done nice things for people, but I didn't really buy myself anything crazy. I just think I, I mean, again, I'm my father's son who was, he did well for himself and he showed me that the value of a dollar means something

and I'm smart about things. What did he do? He owned a retail business in Kansas City that was kind of like a, I don't know, like a liquidation type store, like a Big Lots before there was Big Lots. He died in November. Thanks for bringing that up. Well, you brought him up.

You asked another question about it. I'm sorry to hear that. Thank you very much. He would be like I was going to say, now I have to say it. I'm sorry too. Okay, but he seems more sorry. you brought up your dad, who unfortunately died. But I asked a follow-up question.

He was an awesome dude, and I'm glad I got him to see the success that he helped me. It's awesome. Yeah, I feel like that's a big... Oh, how about you? Why don't you put a million dollars in a duffel bag for 14 of your friends and have dinner with them like George Clooney? Did he tell you that story on here? I wish. I fucking wish, man.

I wish. Is that true? Yeah, that's what they said. He had dinner with his best friends. He showed up with a Brinks truck. So that's $14 million. It was after Casamigos. It was like he did something.

It wasn't after... Tequila money. Yeah. It wasn't after ER. You're. Yeah. It wasn't after ER. You're doing well. You're not doing 14 million cash for dinner with your buddies. No. Wow.

He said he had to like call the bank ahead of time. Be like, I mean, as you would imagine, I'm coming to get 14 million dollars. I wonder how you do that. Man, I wonder how that goes with taxes. Well, that's what, yeah. Do you take out the money and pay the taxes for your friends, or do you give them a burden of a million dollars? No, I don't think they, I think they just don't report. No, they have to pay taxes on that.

They report it. They're not reporting $14 million in cash. Well, he's telling the story, so I'm like, the IRS is listening. Go find them. Go find which of my friends. Which 14 friends? They stake out all his friends. One of them's driving a fucking Honda.

One's driving a Lamborghini. Like, all right, I think this guy got a bag. His 14 friends who are now out all his friends. One of them's driving a fucking Honda. One's driving a Lamborghini. I think this guy got a bag. His 14 friends who are now expats. They all just happen to leave

the country. So Domino Masters, you were talking about how you try not to be a scene on set. Get a humidifier or something like

that. I feel like that's exclusively what this show is. Yeah, let's make a big bucket. If you did a spit take, that would have been perfect. All over you. COVID's

gone, baby! Snow Street came in and spit water all over me. It's like the end. I'm sorry, go ahead. No, I was just saying that in the highlights I've seen, it comes out March 9th at 9pm on Fox, but it is... It is... It's a fucking mess it is

but it doesn't start off as a mess that's what's so cool about it and i think that's why one of the reasons i said yes to doing it a because it was you know get into the pragmatic of it it's a quick strike for me after modern family being on a show 11 years you're thinking like well what do i want to do i want to do things that i can go and do get paid for hell yeah don't last a long time yeah and i've all i like hosting shit getting into that game show or reality you're hosting is awesome easy enjoyable i would not easy not but enjoyable and fun uh and when and when say not easy, I don't mean to compare it to digging holes, but I just mean, listen,

the thing you don't think about saying yes to a Domino show, that they have 16 hours to build the stuff because if shit gets knocked down and stuff goes wrong, I'm there. I mean, I'm there for the process. Let me tell you what, Eric. It's literally the first thing I thought of

about hosting a Domino show. I was like, oh, they're going to fuck up, and I'm going to have to sit here all night. Literally the first thing I thought of. I'd probably be like, get me a fucking humidifier. Well, get me air conditioning, because guess what? Air conditioning blows air. Air blows on dominoes. So you're just sitting there.

Scorching. I'm like, get me the air conditioning on me. Oh, then whatever you're getting paid yeah that's crazy oh my god the director i have one of those neck fans yeah all right stop bothering your guys dominoes i'm good but the director i had so much fun with him it's like with the air conditioning the whole air conditioning thing but if we do if we're lucky enough to do a second season i'm like we're getting me our a different kind of unit that doesn't blow that way.

It only blows this way. You just do all the hosting in a Popemobile? Yeah. Oh, my God. But, no, it's awesome. Like, people listening, kids, families are going to love it because it's mathematics, it's geometry, it's physics, it's all the STEM. It's like old school play, right? It's like setting shit's geometry, it's physics, it's all the STEM. It's like old school play, right? It's like setting shit up, knocking it down.

It's like I, for a kid, loved Hot Wheels. I didn't necessarily love watching the Hot Wheels go down the track perfectly. I loved the crashes, right? You love crashing them and knocking stuff up. So it's art, and it truly is art. I know it sounds ridiculous. Everything's art. But no, it is art.

There's like a lot of viral videos of like dominoes that are crazy. Oddly satisfying. It's very satisfying. The ASMR world is going to love it because of the sound that it's got going on. Is this strictly dominoes or like sometimes it kind of becomes like, you know, it hits a ball and that rolls around? Everything. Yeah, that kind of stuff. Yeah.

The domino. Because those are crazy. The workshop has a million dominoes and then there's every kind of ball, every kind of marble track, every kind of track. The thing these guys think of, it's like. Can they come with their own or do you like, you have like a prop room? You know what? I think they, no, they were allowed to bring some of their own like shit though. I do. It's funny you say that because I was thinking about that last night.

I think they were allowed to bring some of their own templates. I'd have my kids on the set. The dominoes going all over them. Come on with the wildest shit. It really is a neat show. I mean, growing up

doing Domino Rally. Did you ever do that? What's Domino Rally? Instead of just having... Well, first of all, there was a little doing Domino Rally. Did you ever do that? What's Domino Rally? I don't think I ever did Domino Rally. It was like, instead of just having, well, first of all, there was a little, like, truck thing that you load up the dominoes

and it was like, and drop them. But that, like, never really worked. So rather than sitting there and, like, doing it yourself, it would have this little car to do it.

But I think it also, sometimes they would, like, hook onto a track as well so you could, like, just flip them up. And then there was, I think there was just tracks and balls and stuff. People on my show would but I think it also, sometimes they would hook onto a track as well, so you could just flip them up. And then there was I think there was just tracks and balls and stuff. People on my show would, I mean, Eric, I'm sure you're wildly against, you know, that's like

Domino's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there was a time, there was like a little era, probably like early 90s, I guess it was, where Domino's were kind of like hot for kids my age. And there is something satisfying or whatever about it. Well, you've seen those YouTube videos of the dude that sets his whole backyard up with Hot Wheel track, and then they go underwater.

That guy, I mean, I love those videos. And then we did a – The ones that change color in the water. Yeah, a Hot Wheel episode of Domino Masters, and I was like, oh, I love those videos where the guy's got it in his backyard. He's like, yeah, he's here today. He's a consultant. I'm like, I want to meet him. I want to meet that guy. back here he's like yeah he's here today he's a consultant i'm like of course i'm gonna meet him anyway what i'm saying is when i they first asked me to host it i'm like why am i gonna host a show

about guys playing dominoes or girls playing dominoes and then when they showed me what it actually was i wouldn't have said yes if i didn't think it was pretty freaking cool yeah i saw the one there was one where it was uh a wrecking. Wrecking ball comes in like swings. Yeah. Yeah. It's creative. It's not just a domino rally. It is a lot bigger than that. What have you guys been up to? Enough about me.

What have we been up to? Just this over and over and over again. That was my birthday yesterday. Oh, happy birthday. Yeah. How old do you think I am? Yeah. How old are you?

33. Man, 37. Oh, nice. Yeah. And what are you, 33? I'm 33. Yes. Oh, that's why you thought 33. You did the math in your head. You thought we were the same age. Yeah, yeah, 37. Oh, nice. And what are you, 33? I'm 33, yes. Oh, that's why you thought 33. You did the math in your head.

You thought we were the same age. Roughly. Something like that. We also have a bet going on. What's the bet? Well, loser has to shave. Clean shave, and neither of us, obviously he has more of a beard,

but neither of us have clean shave and razor shaving cream like that in at least like a decade. Once we realized that we have like double chins and we're kind of gross, we learned the power of scruff. And in his case, gross beards. It's not gross beards. I actually think it's coming kind of nice. It's the third time I love it.

That's nice. When your voice goes up an octave. So, Jackie, what did one of your friends say? It's like he has a full beard, but it's not connected It's nice. Yeah. When your voice goes up an octave. Jackie, what did one of your friends say? It's like he has a full beard, but it's not connected to his face. You can see like the whole thing. Yeah, it's weird. You can see like all of his skin, but the hair is there at the same time. It really doesn't make – it's a paradox.

It doesn't, yeah. It's not good. It's fine. It's whatever. What's the bet? So we're trying to grow our YouTube channel. Oh. And so I have a week.

This is going to hurt. What? So it goes like I have a week where I'm in control trying to get as many subscribers as I can. Then he takes over for a week. And at the end of the month, whoever garnered the most subscribers wins. Whoever has the fewest has to shave. So he's got more of a beard to get rid of. But I think I'm going to be uglier underneath.

So I think I have more loose. Thank you. I'm old. I'm 37. I'm going to have a little fucking fat chin. When is the term up? March 31st, end of the month. Oh, so like March Madness.

Yeah, sure, it's a little March Madness. Blade bet. So if you want to push during my week, if you want to help me out. How many subscribers Do you have now? We have like 105,000 So this week I got like 3,000 subscribers

For like my first five days Of pushing it Yeah And where are you How are you pushing it? Like on social media And stuff like that Yeah

So then our guy But it's actually My week starts tomorrow So you have to beat 3,000 But it's actually like Because like I want to Help him But I want to Help him But I can't help him

We want this thing to grow Yeah People were like I'm going to unsubscribe When John is in control And I was like Thank you But I don't think

We should do that Overall it's a bad idea For sure I'm thinking of Retweeting all weekend I can't retweet him It's going to fuck him up Did this come from

That your fans Like one of you more Like some fans Like you more than I'm sure they do I got a. Did this come from that your fans like one of you more than – like some fans like you more than – I'm sure they do. I got a tweet saying I like John more than you, but I want to – It's such a fucked up place. I know.

It really is. Why would you just say that? It's so hurtful, right? It really is. He pulled the prank on me. I went away for a couple days, and he told all of our fans to tweet, wow, I can't believe you said that on the podcast, man. You're going to gonna get canceled and they all tweeted me that so i've had a freak out on my vacation like did i say something bad then the next day he was like everybody tweet him how much you like him

and how great of a job he does like nobody did it there's bad people out there even the good people are like well i'm not gonna do that yeah the whole thing is saying we love you but yeah i'm sure there are people who are team john that but then but do that. The whole thing is saying we love you. I'm sure there are people who are Team John. Who are you to? How about you? Who do you like better? Who do you like better? It's a simple question, sir. If you had to go out

to have a beer, who would you watch a Chiefs game with? Let's see. Let's play Fuck Kill. Yeah, okay. Okay. Now, I thought you were going to play marry-fuck. No, no, no. I don't want to get in any kind of commitment.

I'm not marrying either of you guys. I'm going to fuck one of you and then I'm going to kill one of you. Alright, well, and answer the question, sir. No, I'm not going to answer that. It's a terrible idea. We want both. I don't know how you fuck, Eric, but I'm trying to border on both at the same time. Let's see. I would get, well, see, here's the thing.

You both kind of have the nice, all-American, strawberry, blondish, sort of like, likable, Opie thing going on. I think I'll take it. Yeah. I guess. I mean, he didn't say we're ugly. I think I'll take it. Yeah. I guess. I mean, he didn't say we're ugly. I think I got fucked or killed, to be honest. Meaning, like, I feel like you're both very approachable people.

None of you, like, freak me out. Like, I wouldn't want to talk to that guy. Yeah, that's good. Talking to both of you. That's solid. Does your crew have a, like, do you guys have a... Oh, yeah, Jackie, who's your favorite? The people whose paychecks we're in control of.. Does your crew have a guest? Do you guys have a guest? Oh, yeah. Jackie, who's your favorite?

The people whose paychecks we're in control of. Why don't you make a choice? This is the worst thing we've ever done to a guest, by the way. And I'm just letting the awkwardness. Yeah, let it happen. Who created the podcast? I started it. Kevin.

Okay, I like him more. Me too. Yeah. Okay, I like him more. Me too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I definitely feel like Brain's brawn. A little bit. Okay. A little bit, right? I'm the brawn?

No, you're the brains. He's the barfer. You're talking about brawn for sure. Who would I rather have to fight? Oh, you want to fight me. I don't want to fight him. I don't want to fight him. You don't want to fight him. He'll knock you out one punch, but also it's more about how much you'll beat the shit out of me.

He can fight, but I'm not. You're going to fight a dead body? Kevin's a little easier. I'm like broken, man. Yeah, I am broken. Knee versus a corpse. It's like, well, the corpse might at least scare you a little bit. That's a dead body.

That's kind of scary. I don't want to go near it. Look, the truth is... Thank you, sir. Eric, I like you very much. I said yes immediately when they asked if I wanted to do this again, so it means I must like you. I was very happy when you agreed to come on this, because I wasn't sure where we left off last time. Oh, we left off where? Last time was one of those, like, forced ones in a hotel, though, you know what I mean?

Yeah, but I feel like here's what I felt like after that. I felt like you guys didn't know who you were interviewing, and then I felt like I got in there or we started talking, and then you guys had a like, oh, this guy's kind of normal. Yes, yes.

I'll be honest. We were doing that one probably to talk to Kevin Hart, right? Yeah. Because it was Secret Life of Pets, wasn't it? Yes. But it's just like

you learn very quickly as soon as an interview starts if you're talking to a real person or an actor who's doing promo. But it's the same thing on our side. We're talking about goat cum now. This is really a great conversation. Thank you so much. We're going to get more YouTube followers now. But yeah, you were a great surprise. But it's the same thing with going on talk shows

like you go on talk shows and you see the thousand mile stare yeah so you're engaged now that's awesome they're just going to ask this tell us about it how does that make you feel like I want to get off the show

last question real quick are there more wheels or doors in the world? Fuck. That'll ruin your week. You'll be thinking about this for a long time. Did you always come up with this question? It was born from the internet and we always cover. That's kind of what we do here.

It's like hypotheticals and weird internet questions. It's one of those things that just started to bubble on social media. More doors. That's what I said too. 100%? You're that confident? 100% more doors. 100%? You're that confident? 100% more doors. Could you even guess how many doors are in your home?

Now imagine, you also— I don't even know how many refrigerators I have. Am I right, guys? I live in a New York City apartment. So you have two doors. I have. But he started to do cabinets So you have two doors. I have. Well, you have to do cabinets. Oh, you got to hinge it.

So I wasn't thinking that. He's going 12, 13, 14, 15. I'm like, no, you don't. I've been in your apartment. But yeah. I think 100% more doors in the world. If we're going anything hinged as a door, meaning a cabinet, because it's a cabinet door.

It's all a cabinet door. You get a lot. I mean, you brought up The Hot Wheels So even like You have regular cars You have real cars You have toys You have bikes

You have Now I'm back Four wheelers And you know Anything that's Transportation wise Planes All that shit

But usually a lot of those things Also have doors So maybe they kind of Cancel out But then bicycles don't I'm just gonna leave you With that one Ruin your week

You know Holy shit You'll be on set Being like I don't fucking know. I feel like you guys know some good would you brothers. Brother. I'm obsessed with would you brothers.

You know what? We'll give you a box on the way out if you don't mind carrying it. We have a card game. Don't fucking promote your card game? I'll be honest. I think you were supposed to do it and I think someone probably made the executive decision that you weren't. What is it?

Because some of the questions are edgy. Oh, is that what we were supposed to play? Yeah. But give me an example of one. It's got both. It's got both. It's got edgy. It's got not so edgy.

Some of them are a little more philosophical. Would you rather go back to 18 with all the knowledge you have now or just get a million dollars? No, I mean, you're rich, so you probably don't care about a million dollars at all. Well, you don't want to go back to 18 either because you weren't famous at 18. You don't want to do that whole grind again, right? Well, I'd just take the million dollars. Yeah, you'd just take the million dollars. But wait, I get to go back to 18 and then live my life again? Well, you'd have the knowledge of, let's say, Google and Apple,

and you know to buy stock and stuff. Would you rather have to tell your mom everything you've done sexually or show her your entire porn history? So everything you've done or everything you've watched? Going right to that one, huh? Oh, my God. Do you guys come up with these? Some of them we do.

A lot of them are our listeners. Like, they call in. Those are great. Would you rather be drunk 24-7 or never drunk again? Drunk 24-7? Oh. Never drunk again. Never drunk again.

You got to be. But you're like three beers drunk. Yeah, but I'm not a drinker. So that's an easy one for me. Okay. How about if you could have an endless supply of anything, what would it be? You can't say money or anything. Right.

Endless supply of anything? Yep. I recently figured out my answer. Bobby Kelly. He's like, I love rice, man. One of the worst answers of all time. I was like, you're pretty successful. You could probably just have an endless supply of rice. Do you have $50 on you right now? I'll get you

an endless supply of rice. I mean... She keeps going the way it's going. Ammunition maybe? This was a classic one that kind of actually almost I mean... Endless supply of... If it keeps going the way it's going, ammunition, maybe? Ammunition? No! This was a classic one that kind of actually almost launched what we do here. Would you rather fight

100 duck-sized horses or horse-sized ducks? Or one horse-sized duck? So a giant fucking duck or 10,000... Or 100, sorry, tiny little horses. I think I'd fight 100 tiny horses.

I think so, too. I mean, anything giant like that. I don't want to get ducked. Yeah, but I don't want to get underrated teeth. Especially when they become that big. And their beak is very strong. And a duck's foot. Imagine being squashed under a duck's foot.

Just like kick-sweat. Yeah, that's a tough one. I hadn't thought about the squashing. Yeah, squashing would suck. Okay, so your dad's an inch inside you. You know this one, right? Yeah. But this is a foul one, and I love that you brought it up.

This is one we asked Seth Rogen, and Seth Rogen went. He was like, this is gross. He was like, can we talk about my show, please? That interview did not go well. And he was like, I don't know, man. He's like, how about we just talk about my charity? That was a case of what we talked about. I'm here for kids cancer.

This is a Wendy's, sir. We were talking about Parkinson's, right? At one point. No, it was ALS. I doubt you transitioned from ALS to that. No, no, no. But it was kind of. So your dad has ALS and you're fine.

What's your answer on that one? That one was actually so foul that we were like, we can't really ask that to people. So we always picked and choose. We have a comedian on or someone who doesn't really mind. But you brought it up, so you've got to answer it. I mean, I think we can all agree that... How is he going to dodge this one?

No. I think we're pushing forward. You're going forward? Oh, I'm we can all agree that... How's he going to dodge this one? No. I think we're pushing forward. You're going forward? Oh, I'm going back. No way. I can't believe you think we'd all agree on that. You're going to have more sex with your mother? No, it's not that, but it's a familiar territory that way.

Oh, is it? Your mother? Inside your mother's familiar territory, Eric? I don't know about that one. Look at him. He's not happy. He's texting my publicist who's the king of publicists

and is the most prim and proper person in the world who's going like, this is real bad. Just let the record show he brought it up this time. I was going to ask you

if you could go back. Well, no. What was it? If you were a Civil War general, would you rather have a tank or a dinosaur? A T-Rex. You're in control of the T-Rex. You can ride him almost.

And I'm a Civil War general? Yes. It's back in time. Back in the 1860s. Yeah, but why do I have to be a Civil War general? That's the fucking question, dude. You can question the Union if you want. Yeah, okay. I want to make sure I'm on the right side.

We're not trying to reverse history. We're trying to keep it the same. You can really win the war. Run up the score on them. Tank. I mean, here's the thing. The tank, you're eradicating them. Enough bullets would still bring down a T-Rex.

But they don't have a tank. So you only get one. Yeah, a musket. It's still a.50 caliber rifle back then, though. I think a T-Rex is wiping out a Civil War army. A lot of them, but if they mount a— But I think because there were such— 400 people shooting at it at the same time.

I think—I don't know. I think they drop their guns and run. They'd be like, oh, it's— Well, yeah. The initial attack is one thing, but the regroup is another thing. It's like, guys, you're not going to believe this, but they've got a monster. There's a fucking monster over there,

and we need like 300 of us to shoot at it at one time. Hard to explain, but just trust me on this one. Just trust me, everybody. That's why I would pick it. Because the tank is the better choice, but the T-Rex is the panache. I mean, that's pretty badass. I mean, I think you could explain in the

1860s a little bit easier what a tank was. They've got this thing that shoots bullets like crazy. They've got some kind of contraption that rolls. I mean, imagine. They have a dragon. There's a dragon over there. Did they know what dragons... When did they start excavating?

When did they start excavating dragons? No, dragons, that's medieval times. Well, I know, but was it written in books? Yeah, were they even reading about that? When did we first find dinosaur fossils and shit? When did they even know what dinosaurs were? Definitely before the 1800s, I think. The first dragon was mentioned in 1280. Okay, and when did they find the first dinosaur fossil?

I love that you can find this, but you couldn't find Houston. Which, by the way, was the first. 1824. So they just found out what dinosaurs kind of were. Turns out they're still real. We got one. That would be amazing. Imagine that.

Yeah, that's good. All right, brother. We appreciate the time. Yeah, man. So Domino Madness. Domino Masters. I was thinking of March Madness. Sorry. But you didn't say earlier.

What channel is it? Where can people find it? Fox. Fox. March 9th. Prime DM, baby. Getting that Fox Prime Time. That's why they call me Prime Time.

Thank you, sir. We appreciate you so much, Eric. Appreciate it. I ask nothing of you. There's only one thing in this world I ask of you as fans. We don't charge any money. We don't ask a lot at all. No, we ask this a lot, but they're not listening to us.

Well, we ask for voicemails. They do that. We ask you to follow some accounts. They do that. I ask you to subscribe to YouTube. You don't do that. I ask you to subscribe on Apple and Spotify and give us a five-star review and leave a review. And you sometimes do that.

So please, let's just make this a semi-annual thing where you make sure that you're subscribed on Apple and on Spotify. Click five stars and leave us a good review. It helps us out tremendously to make sure that we can sell more ads at a higher rate and make more money, make the show bigger and better for you to consume for free. All I ask you to do is take two seconds, subscribe, rate, review. Thank you. rate review thank you Thank you. Bye.