KFC Radio - KFC Calls Jackie Out For Her Thirsty IG Post Ft. Girls Gotta Eat

Episode Date: June 27, 2023

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 01:28 Jackie gets called out for her margarita post 14:39 Kevin and The Umbrella liar 23:39 Feits' says this is his last Pride Parade 41:20 Jackie confirmed doesn't have a d*ck 48:27 Polly Didn't tell anyone about her dad's d*ad body 53:44 Kevin's Montreal trip 01:35:14 Feits calls Drake out 01:58:33 Video Voicemails 02:09:54 Girls Gotta Eat Teaser BetterHelp: This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/KFC today to get 10% off your first month. Pirate Water: Go to drink piratewater.com to find pirate water in a location near you or order on gopuffYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. She goes, so for like a half hour, I'm just driving, just like, oh, he's dead. She goes, what am I going to do when I get there? Like, I guess I'll just go in and I'll deal with it after. I don't want to ruin the birthday party. Sometimes I kind of forget that i have final say on what goes in the podcast and what doesn't go in the podcast and it's like i can add whatever i want to the start of these and since i was so harshly roasted today i feel like i'm in the mood

to fuck with them a little bit but i can't really think of anything good but i think for now the only thing i can think of is to fuck with john a little bit and just everybody go comment i ignore my nails if you look at that everybody go comment or tweet at john saying awful fit today or like didn't like the outfit yesterday fights not your colors what was that outfit yesterday fights and we'll think of something we could do better than that but i think for right now let's start with that and don't rat me out but go like and subscribe also go comment on the video be like fights what was up the outfit today uh and then we'll think of something for coming next episode anyways um we'll be having more of these chats i think before the episodes enjoy go like and

subscribe please and comment uh about how pretty i am and about how how much of a trooper i am okay goodbye enjoy oh someone had to have recorded that i can't believe i didn't what oh wait what are you guys talking about? Her video. Oh, were you laughing about something else? Jackie? I don't know what we're laughing about. What are you talking about?

Before, when we were like, oh yeah, we'll talk about that. Oh, I know of it. I didn't see it. Okay. That's not what you... I just know you did something. Grab her phone right now. I can't believe I didn't screen record that. That's an all-time miss by me.

You deleted it? I deleted what? I don't know. Start the show! It's already started. Alright, we have a lot to talk about right now but since we're on the topic already let's dive into it um but but you so you you don't know what jackie posted i know i know jackie posted an apology okay okay yeah yeah but she goes up

so so her picture said her picture the next morning or the next like afternoon said, guys, sorry for being a hoe on the gram last night. With a picture of her just looking like a drowned rat. Looked like a fucking raccoon getting out of a city school. What? I'm going to block you guys. So – I actually – This is not – what?

I knew something because I feel like earlier in the day you posted like – it was just like you and your friends at brunch or something like that. You did something. You were getting loose. You were active, which is admirable. No, we were fine. But you were totally fine. But my head went, this probably won't be fine because even you using it is like Jackie's drinking. You're drinking and you're in Instagram mode.

So we know what happens When that noise starts coming out We know what can happen It's really not that bad Because It's just It's a very popular trend But The margarita meme thing

One margarita I'm gonna give you some head Two margaritas I'm gonna open my legs Three margaritas I'm gonna put it in my puss Four margaritas I'm gonna put it in my tush

Do you know Remember that woman? I feel like it's like my dad. I mean, it basically is. Remember that woman was doing like an anti-sex speech at a college, and the crowd started cheering? Yes, yes, yes, yes. So she was like, if the devil gives you one margarita,

you will spread your legs. And so someone made it into like a rap song. Like, you give me one margarita, I'm going to give you some hair. So everybody is lip syncing it. So it's not like, I mean, it's like a rap song okay you give me one margarita i'm gonna give you some so everybody is is lip-syncing it so it's not like i mean it's just a trend yeah yeah but our girl jacklyn starred in margarita number three you started at three she no no she starred oh sorry sorry the first the first girl um like uh uh we really don't have it you dumb bitch the first girl like takes a chug and says like i'm gonna give you some head Like, we really don't have it. You dumb bitch. You dumb bitch. The first girl, like, takes a chug and says, like, I'm going to give you some head.

And the next girl says, I think she, like, dances and opens her legs. Jackie spins around in a chair with this, like, smirk on her face. No, we got real slutty with this. Like, spins, opens her legs and smirks. No, we didn't open my legs. And says, I'm putting in my puss. Which I think is actually the worst of them all. Because technically the fourth margarita and a girl getting fucked in the ass is probably the worst.

But that's kind of funny because she says tush. And all the other girls just kind of pop their ass or point to their ass. Jackie just flashes her badge on the camera. No, I didn't. And she's like, put it in my puss. No, I spun around. slashes her badge on the camera i didn't and she's like put it in my purse no it was so and and and and i i was like uh it was not just you it was like i watched like three out of four like clicks through my stories were people doing it and i was like there's just entirely too many girls talking about putting in their puss and tush are you it's crazy on your story or was it like uh it was a it

was an instagram post oh you hard there was a fucking like real and then i put it on your story or was it like a... It was an Instagram post. Oh, you hard-boiled it. It was a fucking real. And then I put it on TikTok and there was an even worse one. No. No, I mean, I'm not going to show it. You have to show it, but at least describe it. I don't even know. I don't know. It was bad, though.

It wasn't bad, but it was like... Dude, this is so crazy because I've obviously put shit on Instagram and social media that I regretted doing. But I didn't edit it before posting. No, no, no. There are so many stops before you're like, ah, maybe not. It was a two-hour production and it was just a bunch of drunk girls. Because you've got to get one girl's thing. You've got to choreograph it, edit it.

Like, was it hot enough? Do it again. Slut it up, you prude. My shit's usually like a tweet, and I wake up like, wish I didn't send that one. It takes a total of five seconds to ruin your life. This is, you know, is this a good idea? You filmed the movie. You filmed the feature film.

And like the next morning, I was like, I'm too scared to look at those eyes. Well, I mean, I commented, and I said like, this is the owner of KFC Radio. And then it was a bunch of thirsty dudes just being like, you know, what's your ad? Or I'll buy you a margarita or whatever. What's your ad? It's your post. You posted it.

Yeah. Well, maybe not what's your ad. J underscore next. Yeah. But I didn't see, I don't know if there was any other comments good or bad like it is just it was all like I don't want daughters yeah there was a lot of that I got

slut shamed you know there was a couple people being like relax I got a couple DM's from that post which is clearly I mean I don't know is this a sub tweet about me and you were like it's about you of course it's a subweet about me? And you were like, it's about you. It's a subtweet about you.

It was quite literally. Oh, dude, I did not know that was about Jackie. I saw that. I didn't know it was about Jackie. I saw the video. I commented and then posted that. But again, it was because there was a bunch of other girls doing it. It was more just like, god damn, all these girls are okay with talking are okay. I really think putting it in your puss is the worst one.

Puss? Yo, pussy's aggressive. Puss. I feel like even like pussy, the pee kind of rolls off your tongue. Puss. Like your cheeks blow up. Imagine in a real conversation,

if you're on a date and you're like, my God, I just had my fourth margarita you're gonna put it on my puss wait right it's fourth or third it's third two margaritas

three because your caption was funny it was what happens at six margaritas oh my god that was also a whole production

where like what do we caption I actually I was thinking that that is so hot I was thinking because I was like that is a good

I thought it was funny you pervert oh my god but not like hot but I was like that is a good I thought it was funny you pervert oh my god but not like hot but I was like that's a good comment that's a good caption and I was like

I bet you they workshopped that to death I bet that was like the tenth one you thought of and everyone went oh that's the one that's the one you sluts

you goddamn sluts we're all sluts that was I mean it was it was a hell of a performance it's just funny like you know most people do that.

I can't believe that none of you guys screen recorded it. That's, that is a blessing. I can't believe you're a fucking coward. If I'd seen it, I wouldn't have watched it anyway. I just, like, I have it, but I'm not going to sit here with you guys. Oh, no, no, I just mean like, I mean like in the moment. We should make her sit right here and watch it with us. No, no, no.

I think you should have to sit on the couch and watch it. No. Because I actually want to see John squirm, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't watch anything you posted. Yeah. Well, okay, for some reason. I don't even follow your DJs.

I don't watch anything anyone posts because everyone I follow I know, and it makes me uncomfortable. Well, yeah. I mean, I do watch your stuff because usually it's pretty wholesome. And this time she was talking about putting in her puss. I just didn't see that one coming. Oh, my God. Even though I knew what the song was, I just didn't see it. John, I'm telling you, if it was anybody other than Jackie, I would have been like, damn.

But with Jackie, I was like, ah! Like, the look on her face as she spun around and said, put her. That actually, that was one take. All the other ones. You whore. Do I have it in me? spun around and said, put... That actually, that was one take. All the other ones started to say, like, do I have it in me? So how did you decide who gets which one?

Was there a draft? Was there like, I got two more reasons. We were just like... Same way they found out who stayed on the asteroid in Armageddon. I mean, I don't remember.

Like, here's the thing. She draws, she's like, fuck, I'm pussy. No, no, someone else drew it and then she stepped in like, fuck you. I got it. She pushes her off and starts filming.

She's like, no, Jackie, no. Take care of my daughter. What's the Harry Stanford? Did your dad kill himself yet or what? No, my parents are always so supportive. They're like, yeah, that's good. Gang, gang. But I don't think he saw it. Wait, but i wait wait i was kind of joking that

your dad would have even seen that no he does follow me on instagram but he never goes on instagram but like if he saw that i'm gonna kill myself yeah i don't think he did though like the just the underlying theme of like if you get me drunk enough you can put it in my pussy what do you think of that dad yeah it It's like hypothetical. It's like a metaphor. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hypothetical. That's never happened. I've never gotten drunk

and had sex before. That's why I ban... Well, I'm lucky my parents don't have anything. So lucky. I legit think... Just because it's like... I just like...

I wouldn't... They... Literally, the first thing I ever said when I got to Barcelona was like, do not ever look at... And then my dad's like started... But you see, dad,

it's really about moms. But it's still like – It's still awkward. I don't want to talk about it with you. Moms and sisters are really – and then I would imagine it's reversed for girls. But it's become so common because either A, a lot of parents are young enough that they have it anyway. And B, just like how common it's become since we started. But I really think if it was was like my parents were like active internet

people if all of us had like parents on the internet i don't know if barstool becomes what it is yeah i would have for sure held back a lot i was just like oh my parents will never see this you had to go to a website and i told them don't do that and i actually they're like the people type of people who would listen to me but like if you have your own Instagram you have your own this you have your own that and it goes viral you're gonna see it

and I would have been like well then I'm gonna actively try to not go viral and then I don't think we would make it where we are today and then you know God bless the new generation

I've actually been doing that my whole career that's why that's why so far successful so far I'm fucking nailing it dude I mean here's the thing

like obviously we cannot have this episode and have it on YouTube without the video evidence for the fans so you just have to repost this

no no no I mean like it's just it's part of your job no no I don't have the video I deleted the video I deleted the video

you have to put it up well actually I can't put it up because everyone else has corporate jobs I was about to say actually the only people we care about is you so you can just cut your part no no no that is so aggressive

you have to three second snapshot. You have to reenact it then. No, I'll blur out their faces. Yeah. By the way, you already posted it. Did they wake up like, holy shit. I posted it like, I'm like 12 margaritas.

Did they freak out? What? Did they freak out? Like, oh my God, get that off your fucking face. It was like the next morning. We were kind of like holy shit yeah

that's bad that's bad was it your idea no it was I'm telling you it was a like like

get us as producers has nothing compared to us as producers it was good filming this like whatever

it was like the one girl she was walking down the stairs doing something one girl chugged and turned to the camera Jackie took her pussy out

And the other girl started popping her ass I was like this is It was good If it was other girls I would have been like Holy shit that's hot And instead with Jackie I was like You guys are just being mean It's so offensive

But no I do get that I'm going to block you guys. Yeah, whatever. Not the boss. Like, watch his A. I mean, you know, I honestly, I respect that. I wish I could block everybody and just use social media with my friends. Yeah.

Yeah, it's like, wait. I mean, everybody blocks their boss. Wait a minute. You're my boss. You're the owner. I'm blocking you, bitch. I don't know. I thought about, what does that say?

The boss? The boss. Nick got it for me. Put it in front of you so it's in the camera actually maybe it's in the camera no it's not I mean she's probably not even in the camera you know

you haven't used the microphone today I haven't used the microphone that's impressive work what's funny is you still like rather than pull it all the way she leaves it like here

so she has to lean in I'm just scared I don't know just make it comfortable for yourself my mom used to yell about that don't go to your food

bring your food to you and Don't go to your food. Bring your food to you. And you're going to your food. You're going to your microphone. These do look... A lot of the comments, it looks really slutty when it's like... Dude, they're just microphones. I was going to say,

if you're like, look at that, you are a literal pervert. You should see me eat a Popsicle. Yeah, for real. Bro, I have six empty boxes of Popsicles in my freezer right now. Probably from like last night alone. Probably from this weekend maybe.

I opened my freezer last night and I was just like, likes, Popsicles, dislikes, breaking down boxes. Yo, so we'll get into, we got a big episode because we've got, John went to Pride Month. I went to Canada. But as I was walking here today, it was when it was pouring rain. It was right after it stopped, but it had just been pouring. And I'm walking down 7th Avenue. These three guys are coming at me, and they're all skater boys. And this guy has his backpack on with the skateboard through the back.

You know what I'm talking about? And he had an umbrella in there as well. Go-go gadget backpack. Which is just funny, and he looks like long hair, grungy look, air walks. He was a skater boy, you know? Which is funny enough to think of him like skating and holding an umbrella. I watched this umbrella fall out of his – off his body. And I walked by and I said, yo, you dropped your umbrella.

And he kept walking. And I was like, yo, dude, you dropped your umbrella. And he kind of did a head turn and then came back. So then I loudly went, yo, bro, you lost your umbrella. And his friends even pointed. And the guy turned to me and said,'s not my umbrella and kept walking and i was like that's your umbrella i literally watched it fall off of his person like it wasn't like uh like i don't know i turned the corner and there was one there and i just assumed it was close i watched it he he readjusted

his backpack and it fucking fell i i i respect that what i'm not like an asshole in the middle of the street and bend over i honestly i was i if i didn't we both kept walking so by the time i was yelling like the third or fourth time it was probably a decent amount of space in between us i like crossed the street i was almost gonna run and go get it and go back to him be like what are you talking about explain this give me your hand i'm doing prints like yeah give me your hand and your address i'll mail it back to you when the police confirm i want to be like okay i believe you so let's talk this out why did an umbrella fall off your body did someone place it there did someone you know set you up what are you talking about someone snuck in his backpack on the on the subway yeah

that's what i mean like what what are you how could he have not known there was a backpack uh an umbrella on his backpack no that's not mine yes it is and he said it he was that's not my like nasty I was like I didn't know what to do it's been on my mind the whole time this guy probably thinks I'm a pussy

I'm a skateboarder I don't use umbrellas yeah maybe that's what it was maybe yeah maybe it was like hey man you dropped your big pink dildo like no no

there are some times I end up holding something and I'll walk with it forever and I'll just be in my head like I hope it falls out of my hand I don't want to litter but like, I hope this falls out of my hand. I don't want to litter,

but if it just falls out of my hand, then I can't help it. How many times have you done the, like, oh, I just dropped it? I did it. You walk with your hands loosely holding it, so it technically did just drop, but you know what I mean? You don't go like, boom, I'm littering or whatever,

but you're just like, oh, whoops. i don't think i've ever actually done it but i've hoped with all my heart many times something awful i've like loosely held it and like shouldered people but like it's still i did it i actually did it yesterday um I was driving down to the Pride thing. The thing that sucks about Zins is that when I chew tobacco, I had a spitter. So I had somewhere to put it when I was done. I just spit it into the bottle. With Zins, you don't have that. I was in the car with my sister yesterday.

I took the Zins out and put them under my seat. Then we were at a rest stop. I pretended I was dusting off my seat and then we were at a rest stop and i pretended i was dusting off the seat and got it that way um which is kind of littering i did it could have just thrown it away uh very lazy very embarrassing but that's probably that's the one that comes to mind right now because it just happened but i saw somebody um you ever seen when like for whatever reason a new york city corner garbage can is just like overflowing with garbage right for whatever reason yeah i don't but i don't get that it's like

did they just not come or when they did come they just didn't take that one or was it just a crazy amount of garbage in that 24-hour period it's been running long today yeah right but like i watched people like two people in a row like put know, a plastic bottle like on top of the mountain. And it just like rolled off, you know. And I was like, why even, you know, I watched someone like go out of their way and then just kind of like put it in a pile. Just fucking throw it on the ground. If you're on this corner, just fucking throw it. I like watching the people just sweep it into the street.

Because the street sweeper is going to come back and just throw it back up there tomorrow. Street sweeping. What a fucking racket. street because the street sweep was going to come back and just throw a pack up there tomorrow. It is a back and forth. Street sweeping. What a fucking racket. At least I say that, but I've also been told if we didn't do street sweeping, it would be absolutely unbearable. I don't know. I just don't believe it. It's just dust in the air. Yeah, I guess. Maybe

there would be feet of it. I don't know. Get out of here. That's just a racket to get to write tickets yeah nobody bro i used to get towed for street sweeping toad um boston because i watched i've i've watched from out of my old apartment many times i was i wasn't like you've been in my apartment it's very suburbia yeah and that has that had street sweeping and alternate side parking which is usually like a thing thing in the fucking city. Yeah. Concrete jungle type shit.

I was in like a tree lined like green neighborhood and I would just watch the street sweeper around me all the time. Boston, you could set your watch to it. Biweekly. And they would do it or like have someone behind them or someone come later. I never saw it. I would guess he comes before they come and it gets any cars out of the way. But it was...

It took years in New York of hearing street sweepers and not popping out of bed and running outside. I didn't actually make it outside. But I would wake up and be like, fuck, oh, never mind.

I had a moment with Keegan the other day where he was getting a haircut and as we walked out, the meter maid was given tickets in this little parking lot that i knew i didn't put the money into i have a problem with when you have to download a whole app yeah like i don't have quarters on me that's on me but like for them to be like download this app make a username connect your credit card i just parked to go somewhere i gotta do shit you know like fuck that if they invent some

shit like tap and you're good i think i think uh ones in at least in boston i've never really parked here but at least ones in boston have that yeah that that we need that universal that's i'm gonna write that down when i run for president um but i it was just like sharing a moment of like i was like you can hurry up if you get in the car before he gets to us like we're not gonna get a ticket and he was like let's go and like he was one car away from us as we pulled out. He was like, yes! It was great. I was like, remember this, son.

Remember, we've got to scam our way through life. That would have only cost $0.25. But because he was coming, it was going to be like $50. But now it was $0. We win. Today's episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. It's a full-blown BetterHelp takeover today on KFC Radio, where sometimes you might be faced with a tough choice,

and the path forward isn't always clear. That is basically my life as I know it, each and every waking moment, where I'm like, well, I don't know how to deal with this, and I definitely don't know how to deal with this, and if I do this, I definitely don't know how to deal with that. Nothing in my life is easy, and I pretty much always

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to be like, when I'm at work, my work decisions, I think, are good, are smart. Everything else in life, I'm like, I probably should do the opposite of what I think are good are smart everything else in life I'm like I probably should do the I'm going to do the opposite of what I think which is a bad thing to get to it's a bad 80's sitcom

I feel like I should live like that when people say trust your gut I'm like no your gut does not know what you're talking about but trusting yourself to make decisions that align with your value is like anything else. The more you practice it, the easier it gets. So maybe I can get better at it.

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I went up to Montreal. We know whatie did so i i i uh the pat was on our show talking like pride is a is a grind every every person there was like this is we're over yeah yeah i mean one month of like full hardcore partying especially as you know we're getting older and we're up in age, can get – I mean, technically, it's another week. Yeah. There's like five, six days left. It's like that's a good chunk of the month that usually you'd be like, all right, a couple more days, a couple more parties. But it sounds like that was their hurrah.

I think I talked to Joey. I talked to Pat. I talked to Pat's boyfriend. I talked to Zach. And everyone was like, we need to be stopped. I remember feeling that way about the entire summer. Yeah. When we get beach houses.

Dude, the other day, it struck me that it's almost July. I haven't done anything. Well, it also has not been like summer. Yeah. Because we talked about this on other shows. Summer is now July, August, September. Not June, July, August. June was actually great. It was like 70. Cloudy 70 cloudy rained a lot i was like yeah i swear to god i'm

just shrek living in the fucking in the in the swamp just like i don't want any sun i don't want any fun just leave me alone um when we used to do like memorial day we would go to the beach and it would be like 54 degrees still and we would just start like for galley yeah go to the beach and it would be like 54 degrees still and we would just start like fagali yeah we're going to the beach it's like it's 30 degrees right are we gonna get like suntan like no bro but we'd work out for a month you have to fagali we were in fucking overcoats the whole time uh but you still start the partying and so i remember you know like looking at the calendar being like okay it's march it's May 26th, and we're going to drink until September 8th. I was like, holy shit.

And by the time you're like, this is my 14th weekend here. Get me the fuck out of here. So I'd imagine the pride version of that is just one month where you're like, it's been 23 straight days. We need to call it. But what a way to go out with a Pyrometer. Mamitas. With a Mamitas float. I'm sure it was.

It was very fun. I think it was my last one. You're done. Okay. Here's what we do. Okay, gay basher. They just like. John got a taste of pride and said, I'm done. No, this is Here's what they do. Okay, gay basher. They just like... John got a taste of pride and said, I'm done.

No, this is my second year doing it. Oh, two tastes and said, I've had my fill. It's way too much. Nothing to do with... I'll go to the parade. It was too gay. It was too gay. I get it, man.

No, I was... You know what also is bullshit? I fucking... Not gay enough? I get... Every time I get dressed, every single day, people are like, you dress so gay. You dress so gay. Show up at the pride parade the same way i dress every day if you're like you're not gay why don't you make up your fucking mind well there's there's gay like you know uh

what was that old uh line little do they know that shirt chris hemsworth lights so shut the fuck up that's what i mean that's that's that's straight gay you know what i mean like that that's the old uh the line from friday night lights i don't mean gay like as in homosexual i mean gay as in like we're we're saying gay as in you you uh you dress like a chick or something like that not like it's actually gay stuff because the actually gay stuff is you know the the running around like your jockstrap my culture is not your costume there you go you're jockstrapped. Dude, my culture is not your costume. How about that? There you go. You're all straight compared to me with my outfits.

You wore like this? Yeah, I had on that green shirt. Because last year, Pride kind of morphed into EDM concerts. Yeah, it's Halloween. Yeah, was it like that again and you just dressed normal? No, I mean everyone was just in a Viva t-shirt. It is funny, this year, like last year it was like Barstool Sports on the side of the truck. This year, just like a little Barstool logo on the back.

You already cheered, you can't boo anymore. But it just said Viva on the side. What company is that? And then so and then, so it just, I missed, I missed last year as I was doing kid stuff and I planned on going this year

but I had this bachelor party. So it just, so I've never gone to one. Do they, you load it up? You would, you wouldn't, you wouldn't make it.

You would, because, dude, I got to the office at 12.15. We probably left till like 12.30. Got on the bus. We walked from here to the bus. 12.45, we're 12 30 got on the bus we walked from here to the bus 12 45 we're on the bus something like that 12 30 whatever time and uh the we didn't probably

get rolling until 4 15 and we're just on like a double-decker bus like standing up and then but just moving like in it dude there was one hour where we moved a block it was wait wait wait but you were on the bus at 1230? Yeah, like something like that. You know, I can never take that. Okay, I thought you meant like the bus didn't even start happening until 4. So you're on a stationary bus. Yes. But are you partying at that point or are you sitting and waiting?

Kind of partying, but then like you have like – Actually, in honor of the homosexuals, it was like the gayest thing we could do. It was like we just tried to dance ourselves. We all just started sucking dick. We just tried to dance ourselves we just tried to dance ourselves excited but then you dance for a bit and you're like well I'm tired now I know I'm not drunk enough I'm not really feeling it I'm pretending to feel it

so then you sit down it's just it's not particularly it feels like it's not organized well why am I here? why aren't I somewhere else for three more hours? go to a bar or whatever. Compare that to the Southeast St. Patrick's Day parade, which was just fucking on the

float, on the road. If the Southie Irish are more organized than you, you're going to have a problem. You got to fucking, you got to hill the climb. I don't know this enough about the gays. I would feel like they are, like, there's gay people time. Like, we'll get there when we get there or like whatever we party our way through it so we were three hours late no big deal so they maybe are like if i tell you 12 it means four it was the problem the streets get

the emails at 11 30 i was just late i i knew from last year that it wasn't traffic because you had a big bus or something or they just like it's just like it's not traffic i mean yes i guess it is traffic but like the road's closed it's just parade traffic and then like you get out on the parade went down fifth you get out on the fifth but then like you think once you're on fifth you start going but then like you'd stop at a block and then like they'd people would start coming in from a different side street and then you'd stop and then people start coming in from there i'm like why don't there's one people in the front go and then we just fucking go yeah or or you got to do what the bus did and like go to a starting point yeah but you don't get to cut in you have to start at the

start right it was it was it was a lot it was a long time to decide about that and and then like it was actually very funny all our the merch like you feel like throwing stuff out on the parade all the shit we were throwing was not pride. Like old A-Roid shirts from back in the day? No, it was all like pocha approved. It was like a lime green hat and an orange... Yeah, it was

this and a lime green hat. It was like... Was that a bandana? Yeah, I was like, you could just make a vest and look like you're working on the side of the road in this stuff. Oh, it was mamitas. Yeah, this is not... you could just make a vest and look like you're working on the side of the road in this stuff. Oh, it's Mamita's. Yeah, this is not... That was all we threw. Yeah, I mean,

this is like they use this for other promotion. And they were like, yeah, just give it to the gay people too. Like, no rainbow, no none of that. People would be throwing it out, and I'd be like, what the fuck is this? They'd throw it back. I took the day off

from work I don't need to fucking be on the site today it was it was bizarre but the it was very fun

it was a blast like that's the thing that gets you is like the last hour is really fun so it leaves you with the fun memory like I'll do it

again next year then like next year I'll be sitting there for four hours in traffic and be like god damn I wish there was

so much TV so the fun part is what like the parade itself. But what is the fun? Like music and your dancing and shit? Yeah, music, dancing, drinking, stuff like that. Yeah.

And are you partying with the people on the bus? I think it's just you explaining what fun is. So it's fun that you speak of. What is that? What is exactly, oh, you enjoy yourself. But I'm thinking of the sports parades and you're like throwing beers to the people on and they're chugging they're pointing you out and taking videos but this is not really like a parade for people it's a parade it's like by the people for

the people yeah you know so like are you are you like like remember that you did the the the brianna parade for the south yeah people are coming up to you guys and drinking right or no this has like that this that was a little more free flowing I guess people were more just drunker and chaotic yeah well I don't know what time the parade technically started but like I said we didn't start rolling until 4.15 4.30 so people might have been gassed but like like 7th Ave is kind of like people

like oh this is cool how long is the actually 4 o'clock till what like 5.30 it's crazy you started at 12 ended at 5 but you're only really rolling for an hour yeah um like once you get to the West

Village then it's fucking awesome yeah because then it's like you're on the stone wall it should almost just be an outdoor party in the West Village yeah you know

but like that's cool when you're going out Christopher and like people are like partying on their thing on their like uh roofs and fire escapes and shit like that yeah yeah that's

very fun seventh is like a little seventh has its spots but seventh is a little more like people kind of just watching this is like that's what's crazy to me yeah yeah like oh the nfl okay yeah right sports sure the republican party like yeah it was the nfl then us that i guess trump there was a church that was trying to trick people onto it oh yeah Yeah, it was the NFL, then us, then I guess Trump. I don't know who could fit after us. There was a church that was trying to trick people onto it. Oh, yeah. That's funny. Who runs this?

Is it like the Gay Alliance of America or something like that? Yeah, I couldn't tell you. And then you pay or whatever to get into it. Who's the first float? I don't know. Because it honestly should be Joey Camasta. Joey's the gayest man alive. But the fun is

I don't know. We didn't really get to do this because we were on a bus. So that's what I was wondering. Double decker, but outdoor or no? Top outdoor. So that was a little was wondering. Double decker, but outdoor or no? Top outdoor. Okay, so that was a little bit like an outdoor party. And it was all Barstool people, or you also had some civilians?

No, I honestly think like five Barstool people showed up. Oh, wow. Content-wise. I can't tell you behind the scenes and stuff like that, but I think it was me. I thought it was Zach falling off. Zach left. When we were in traffic, Zach was like, I'm gone.

Really? Before it even started yeah good for him that makes sense and actually perhaps that was just the gayest moment

of the day because he was leaving so he didn't miss Paris Hilton Paris Hilton he was going to a concert last night and Paris Hilton

was opening so that was in solidarity with the gay so they can't miss Paris that's opening. So that was in solidarity with the game. We can't miss Paris. We can't miss Paris. That's so funny.

Oh, is Ian there? Yup. You tie one on? There was a... So Ian and Pimp were there again. And I don't know if we had the video yet

or the video will be out by the time it happens, but so we're kind of just hanging out. This is when we're stopped in the bus. Pimp comes up to me and is like, yo, go do a video with Ian real quick. You're like, do you mind going to a video with Ian real quick? I was like, yeah, of course.

And so Ian brought this shirt that says, who ate all the pussy? And we're like, we're both holding it up and we take some pictures or whatever. No, no, do you see he changed it? No. It said who ate all the bussy. Butt pussy.

Oh, oh. And so we're holding it up. I was pointing at myself. And then he grabbed my face and kissed me. Did he give you the tongue? And kissed me so aggressively with tongue that like – You kissed back. You kissed back. I like opened up. You that like. You kissed back. I was like.

You kissed back. I like opened up. You kissed back. You kissed back. And then. You made out with a dude. You made out with a dude on pride. Talk about a fucking ally.

It's not actually. You're not an ally. You're just gay. Dude, you're just gay. It was. No, I can confirm. I am not. You did not just gay dude you're just gay it was no i could confirm i'm not not you do not enjoy i did not like it anthony mackie shit nothing i felt nothing man i got nothing bro it was i was like it was it was like it was like i was like what the fuck was that and then it got way worse when afterwards it was like like a kink video where he was like

like aftercare videos off videos were off like this wasn't for video he's like he's like i'm sorry was that okay and i was like well not now dude what the fuck he's like are you all right like that is almost the culmination of of uh us calling you gay forever and you're like, you hate confrontation to the point, like you would just get raped. You're like, I just kind of got raped. And then when asked about it,

you were like, you probably said like, ah, that's fine. I was like, no, no, it's totally cool. You absolutely had the right to be like, please do not ever do that again. No, for real,

I do not like fucking facial hair on my face when I'm kissing somebody. I really don't like it. Like I have like nightmares about it. That's kissing somebody. I really don't like it. I have nightmares about it. I can feel it right now. If Ian was clean-shaven, it would have been okay with it? Probably.

I was like, what the fuck is this? His tongue was so far in my mouth, I was like, it's rude not to be like... So I just kind of opened it and I was like... When the video comes out, as I'm playing it in my head as I'm playing it in my head it like I because I have one arm because we were like just taking a picture I like one arm out like this you had no defense so like the other like I'm like seeing

how I got out of body like how it would look, in my head, I think it looks super salty. John said it was so deep, I just opened my hole. That is... That is... When I said, was Ian there? And you went, yo. I knew something occurred. Sure was.

I did not think that was going to be it. That is pretty aggressive. I mean, I obviously do not care. Right. I was going to say, I probably would be in the same boat as you. I might have even pushed off at the moment. Once I felt the tongue. I have kissed many men.

Many, many men. I have kissed the tongue, I have kissed many men. Many, many men. I have kissed many men. I've kissed many men. This is the first time the tongue slipped in. Yeah, the tongue is the problem. I have kissed on the lips a lot, but the tongue,

I would be like, whoa, dude. Also from a guy. Are you bisexual or something? What the hell is going on? That's almost the thing if if

if like uh if I if I tongue kissed Frankie Borelli or Frankie tongue kissed me I think that would be better

than if it was a really an actual bi guy yeah cause now I'm like well it's a classic like whoa whoa you wanna fuck me

I can't shower with this guy what if he wants to suck my dick but it's like You did shove your tongue In my mouth So on some level You know It was

Like he didn't do that To just anybody John Yeah So Ian kinda wants to fuck you Which I'd argue now I can prove I'm straighter than anybody In this room

Because you had that I've done it I didn't like it Right right right I fucking tried it You can't really say that Until I fucking tried it you can't really say that until I fucking tried it

for all you know not for me yeah you're not actually straight until you kiss a dude that actually would be you guys you guys will still see

a hot guy and be like fuck I don't think so probably not but but god damn

maybe though maybe Taylor Kitsch does look good at the start of Lonesome Rider Probably not, but... Goddamn. Maybe, though. Maybe. Taylor Kitsch does look good at the start of Lonesome Rider. Okay, okay. So let's play this out a little bit. Let's take this further. You did not like the facial hair.

I did not enjoy it. Did you not... Also, part of it was, like, the surprise factor. The surprise factor, it was fine. Like, if he leaned to you and said, yo, Pimp's filming. I'm going to do this for content. I'm going to do this for content real quick. Would you have gone along with it? Probably.

But would you have begrudgingly gone along with it? I'd begrudgingly go along with everything. Everything. Hey, man, you want to go to dinner? Hey, can I suck your face on camera? I know you're using that as an example. I've seen no difference in the two. So, okay.

I guess my question though is like, it's not, it was not that it was Ian or that it was a guy. It was that it was the facial hair. was a guy it was that it was this the the facial hair

if Chris Hemsworth made out with you well he's got a little bit of a beard if a clean shaven hot guy made out with you what would be your reaction right now? I can't tell you I think

so you're back to being gay all we determined today is that you don't like beards and technically that has nothing to do with straight or gay. It's just facial hair. We get a real John Mulaney type around me. I mean, use Frankie. Frankie has a nice smooth baby face.

A fat baby face. You can just make out with him. It was, yeah, straighter than you, bro. Didn't dress gay for pride Kissed a dude Didn't like it Straight as an arrow I have like

The Like a Similar logic When I This is like TMI But I didn't get my period Until I was like 17

And so then We Like I went to the gyno And I was like What's up And She

She like She like checked When you were 17 Or when you were not When I was 17 And she like This was a new gyno were 17 or when you were not? When I was 17. And she, like, this was a new guy. So she, like, had to check basically to make sure I don't have a dick.

It wasn't, like, a whatever thing. And so, like, I told my friends and I was, like. We're good. Yeah, yeah. I told my friends about that. I play soccer in Texas. I think I'm all right. And they were, like, so you might have had a dick. I was, like, no.

I actually confirmed don't have a dick. None of you guys have the confirmation. And it was this whole thing. They were, like. I was like, no, I actually confirmed don't have dicks. None of you guys have the confirmation. It was this whole thing. They were like, they thought that you had a dick, and I was like, you might still have a dick. Until a doctor, until it's in your chart, don't have a dick.

You might. What's that Schrodinger's cat thing? Yeah, yeah. Dude, that made me think, that reminded me of the line from Veep, Jonah Hill. Didn't hit puberty until I was 17. When it hit, it hit like a fucking tornado. Just back it up real quick, though. Back it up real quick. Did a doctor be like, okay, let's do the dick check?

The dick test. She just like. Is that. She kind of like fingered me. Yeah. Like, yep. That's okay. Is that hermaphrodite?

Well, that's what I'm wondering. Apparently it's a common thing. Hermaphrodite is both. But like, I think it's like kind of. We can get. I don't know. You don't have like a full ass dick. You don't, okay.

Yeah. Well, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, it's like. You have like a giant clit. It's like in there, yeah, exactly. I've heard stories about like people in college, like guys going in and finding out they have ovaries. And like, that's how they find out. That's an internal thing, right?

You have multiple friends who have that happen? No, I said I've heard of it like one time. All my friends got ovaries. It was somebody in my friend's class had it. And that was like one year. But they had dicks and balls? They had a dick and balls, but then when they scanned them, they had ovaries. Like that is a little different than – like a dick is an outside organ, an external organ.

I could understand if we're like we got to go check like in here for some tubes or some ovaries or this or that. To be like, we got to test if you have a dick. It's just like a lift of skirt. They didn't test if I had a dick. Hey, Doc. You know what you should do is show them your video on Instagram. Then they would know. Give me a full log of readings.

You can put it in my dick. I probably shouldn't have shared that. That was pretty loose. Welcome to the show. I was going to say that. Everything. That truly might have been, I don't want to say your first

because you've done it many times, but that was an official KFC Radio moment for you. No hesitation to talk about how you needed a doctor to check if you didn't have a dick. And you told that like, no problem. I know. But like, again,

just to reiterate, confirmed. No doubt. Just to reiterate, I'm also straight. Here are my co-hosts here. One is super straight. One definitely has a pussy. Totally. Totally. But the other thing that happened this weekend uh was i was home for my mom's

birthday yeah ed we were at dinner and we've recently been telling a story that is girls gotta eat this episode or thursday jackie boss girls gotta eat is this episode this episode okay so i tell part of it and we told it before actually so it doesn't really matter but we told it in the girls gotta eat you talked about staying home alone yeah and we were at dinner with my mom's birthday and i was like i just wanted to make sure i was remembering everything correctly so i was like mom like you might have a different memory of this than me but like we were talking about on the show when did i start staying home alone and she goes when did you not i I was going to say even earlier. And I was like,

but would four make sense? I remember you walking to DB Mart with Hannah, and she's like, oh yeah, four definitely. And she goes, I remember one time you came home, and you were just sitting in front of the front door, screaming, crying because the mail had gotten home, and you were just sitting in front of the front door, screaming, crying, because the mail had gotten delivered.

And you were sure that was the time someone was faking you. So, like, I was sitting in front of the front door, and the mail slot just opened. And the shit just started coming through. That's so sad. That's so sad. That is crazy. Polly is crazy that is nuts we basically erased ourselves dude one time

to put this in comparison one time I this was a couple weeks ago I ran out to get a delivery the car couldn't find my house it's like a darker street This was a couple weeks ago. I ran out to get a delivery. The car couldn't find my house. It's like a darker street. So I had to walk down my walkway and a little bit down my driveway.

That was it. And I grabbed the door dash from. As I start walking back in, halfway up the walkway, I hear screaming bloody murder. And I was like, I mean, this is it. I don't know. A fucking intruder got in my house and is slaughteringering my kids and there was a fucking bug in the room but but as i ran in there and like walked into them like screaming crying i was like i can still picture exactly where it is and i was like it's like scarred me for life she was just like yeah walk in you're fucking screaming crying about the mail and, and you're like, shut up, we're home. No big deal.

What a fucking gangster. She was telling, and then I got into us getting to be alone and blah, blah, blah. And she's like, you guys all just wanted to be alone when you were kids, so I just let you. I don't know. And she's telling a story about when Neely, my younger sister, wanted to walk home from school. And she lived like she was, no, maybe, yeah, maybe it was school. And I forget. She was very young again. I don't know the ages i forget she was very young again i don't know the ages but she was very young like too young to walk along and so my mom was like to my sister hannah she was like walk with your sister and hannah was like no i don't want to

mom was like fine whatever she can do it and she was but she was like i will follow a block behind her and i'll let her walk but i I'll just, like, slow her down. Because it was, like, suburbs. Like, you get home, not on a main road kind of deal. Well, that definitely looks like you're about to kidnap a kid, though, from the outside. You're slow rolling a kid, like, 100 yards back, and you're like, don't worry. They're mine. And a woman pulled up in front of the car and was like, Paulina, what is going on?

And Paulina was explaining what was happening. But my mom didn't see who it was or that it was a cordial conversation because she was too busy yelling at my other sister. Look, say your sister's going to get kidnapped now because of this. It's your fault. Didn't get out of the car. Didn, see, your sister's going to get kidnapped now because of this. Your fault. Didn't get out of the car. Look what you did because you wouldn't walk

with your sister. She's getting kidnapped now. She's the best. She's the great. She's the goat. She's the greatest of all time. Then the last quick one from that dinner

is she's talking about her dad who's passed away, but he, his later years were rough and tumble. He was in and out of the hospital. He had a reverse DNR

where he was just like, bring me back, bring me back, bring me back. As long as my mind is here, I want to live. So he would go to the hospital. He'd go to the hospital, he'd come back down an arm. I remember the exact phrase was John kept saying, they kept lopping him off. He would just lop off an arm

and lop off a leg. He had all his limbs when he was alive. By the time he died, he had like two toes and an arm. It was crazy. The Fledenberg family is wildly out of pocket. It's the whole thing. It's always a fucking fiasco but she was she was later

in his life and so he didn't drive anymore and she picked him up to go to a uh my niece not my niece my cousin's like fifth grade birthday party or something fifth birthday party something like that she picks him up it's like a 40 minute drive she's like she like, 20 minutes into the drive, he just kind of like dies. And she's like, it wasn't like he went to sleep. It was like everything kind of opened up and then she goes

like a half hour. I'm just driving and she's like, he's dead. She goes, what am I going to do when I get there? I guess I'll just go in and I'll deal with it after. Like, I don't want to ruin the birthday party. Just leave the dead guy in the car. She's like, I don't want to scar Annie, my cousin.

I don't want to scar Annie, so I'll just go to the birthday party and I'll deal with it after. So she didn't start crying or anything? She's just like, fuck, he's dead. He died long before he died. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so she's like, I pull up to the house. I put the car in park. And I'm just like, one more time.

I'm just like, all right. Yeah, I'm just going to go in. And he just goes, you think I'm dead, don't you? And then my dad was like, but what were you really going to do? She's like, I was really going to leave him. And my dad starts getting mad. He's like, you were actually going to leave him? I'm like, what else was I going to do?

He was like, not mad, but he was like, you could tell. He's like, that's what she's going to do to me. She's definitely just going to leave me in the car You were really going to leave me in the car? That's so good dude Because it is one of those things What do you want? Do you want me to pick him up or something?

She was saying that she had a friend who did that I guess you would drive right to the hospital Or the him up or something you want me to like she was saying that she had a friend who did that drive right to like the the hospital or the morgue or something she was saying i got is there a drive-thru i got one for you someone said that someone at the table said that like put him out or take him out and she was like i have a friend who did that and it became like a thing like like disposing of a body why'd you move like it became like like there were suspicions and questions sure we're like why'd you take him out of the car? I don't know. I don't want to leave him in the fucking car. I don't leave my dog in the car. I'm not leaving this dead body in the car.

Holy shit. That's funny. You think I'm dead, don't you? That's the real life highest stakes version of Dan on the run down pretending he's frozen. Yeah. I wonder if he was an hour into the trip

he's like I think she thinks I'm dead how long can I play this off let's see how long we can trick her wow she's got stories dude she is tough to beat god damn

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Boy, does that place suck. What an addition. What do you mean? Montreal, Canada. Well, you know, it's weird. Oh, all right, not Iowa. So, like, the address where I was at, I was like, I needed to, like, first of all, they only have Uber. They have no other ride shares.

Yeah. And I'm banned from Uber. My account got, like, banned. So I got up there looking for Lyft, and there was, like, nothing. And then I would go up to these taxi drivers, and they all speak French. Montreal is a very big thing. So, like, I knew of that. I didn't realize how big of a thing it is.

I felt like I was in more of a European country there than I did in Amsterdam. Dude, when the Canadians hired a coach maybe two or three coaches ago who didn't speak French, and it was a huge problem. People were like, what the fuck are they doing hiring a non-French-speaking coach? Let me say this loud and clear. They are so gay. That is so gay to be so upset. And I've heard other stories about that

yeah like where there was there was my buddy was telling me on the border of was it New Hampshire or Vermont one of them

or maybe both of them are like right on the border yeah yeah and there was a he said there was a town in like Vermont that was French speaking American citizens

like went to school in America did not know english because they spoke french that's fucking whack that is very weird that's like one of the weird you know i've heard of like spanish i've heard of multiple languages dual uh second languages but not that you don't even know the first one yeah that's some shit where we're like you gotta speak american but um like it's so gay it's just like shut the fuck up. Like all the signs are French first.

And not only do they all speak French, they don't even like – it's like they don't understand a single word of English. If I'm like, oh, no, no, barley bouille English, like I'm looking for a restaurant or whatever. They're like – because I think they also just hate Americans. So I was like, fuck this place, man. And it also just looks, you know, you can just look at, like, the way people dress

and the way people are and what signs look like and what roads look like and all that, and you're just like, this is not America. Yeah. It's, like, heavy that. You're, like, two minutes from Buffalo. You know, the flight was, like, an hour. Like, fuck off.

But the flight was like an hour. Like, fuck off. But the flight was the first issue. It was probably my biggest man-baby moment of all time, trying to fly to Montreal. I've always said, you know, when I got divorced, out the window went RSVPs and what was the other thing i said sunblock is one uh bills yeah bills a lot of things go out the window rsvps and thank you cards being like the first things that are just like i just don't do these and usually there was a woman in my life who did do these things i don't uh it's just like it's like Homer Simpson The time that I learned How to make wine And I I forgot how to drive

Yeah If I work RSVPs in there I will like forget To pay the mortgage Or whatever you know So I get to the airport I bought tickets

I had a June 23rd trip I bought them on June 22nd Because I waited Like an asshole And then when I was Buying them Were you waiting Just hopingnd because I waited like an asshole and then when I was buying them were you waiting just hoping something else happened nope just an asshole

just being an asshole I was a little bit like this trip it was kind of like at the end of our nanny went away and we had to do this that and the other thing and then there was the trip and I was kind of like it was just a lot and so I was kind of I'm so bad at like committing even that, like trips.

I'll be like I feel bad because something else – and I don't even mean like something else I want to do more. I just mean like there might be something that happens that I need to go do instead. So like I don't want to get it. I mean this is – these are symptoms of depression and autism and all these things that we have for sure. When I have a bunch of things in a row, we got to go on tour and then I got to come back and it's one of my kids' birthdays and then that weekend I have the kids

and all that shit. I go one at a time. I'm like, let me just get through these two days and let me get through the trip and I don't even think about long out. I didn't even buy about long out. So I was like, I didn't even buy the tickets until the 22nd. And that week I had tried to

and my phone didn't have service. I was in a car and I didn't have service. But I got like three quarters of the way. But every time I pressed buy, it just pinwheeled and never bought. But in my brain, it felt like I bought the tickets because I did it all. And then I was like, wait a minute, and never bought. But in my brain, it felt like I bought the tickets because I did it all.

And then I was like, wait a minute. I never bought those. So go buy them on June 22nd. Don't check in, though, until I'm there, which is another thing I do. You guys are always like, as soon as we get the message, 24 hours, check in. You guys just do it then.

I'm always at the fucking security guy being like, hang on a second. So I'm trying to check in and it just keeps going. There's something went wrong. And it was like, oh, you're on United Airlines, but it's technically Air Canada. And I was like, I bet that's what it is. That's subsidiary shit. And they're like, go talk to the people at the desk.

And I get there and there's like three people in front of me. But I'm like, ah, whatever. It was like three desks and three people. This will be quick. And everybody apparently had a major problem. Everybody, the kiosk people were on the people's phones. They were like, just give me the phone. And so they're talking.

And everyone's talking French. And then this one guy like cut the line. And I kept like huffing and puffing, being like, but he was priority, I guess, and I'm looking at other people, being like, I cut you too. Is there a man here to step up? Anybody, an adult who doesn't have a fear of confrontation? Come on.

So at this point, the clock's starting to tick. this miss something's gonna be wrong here and i am really at this point believing it's it's like i'm like these you guys are gonna owe me money you're gonna owe me this that the other thing if she finally is on the phone she's like this is gonna take a long time can i just take care of this guy like thank you calls me over she's like give me your passport she puts it in and i was like this might be the you know I start explaining all my fucking thoughts and she goes oh I found out what it is

these tickets are for July 7th June 23rd trip I bought tickets for July 7th not July 23rd where it's like oh I just scrolled through the months too far June 7th July 7th just a good 23rd where it's like, oh, I just scrolled through the months too far. July 7th, just a good

three and a half weeks after this date. And what I realized I did was, if you go to Expedia.com or Kayak or one of those aggregators, they automatically assume the person on the computer is an

adult who's probably buying tickets at the very least for two weeks out. So they just set the calendar where it says leaving and arriving, whatever, returning home. They just set the calendar. That's bullshit. It kind of is. But it probably did their...

It just doesn't make sense. There are people who fly. My thing is the arbitrary date. Like why isn't it one month? Why isn't it three weeks? Why isn't it two weeks? Why isn't it ten days? Why isn't it four days?

Because I don't know. But maybe they probably have researched this and see everyone in our system books between these two dates away from their – I'm sure they're but like it's just like like when i log on to amtrak i get i it's that day up it makes but i guess there's not much day of plane that's a little bit much it is but like i i i i've had the same issue happen to me but i did it i did a month but i did it when i was in london i we never bought our return trip so it was like the night before. I was like drunk in bed getting my flights for the next day, and I just bought it a full month in advance.

But was that because you just like click, click, click, and you went to July instead of June? That was because I don't remember. Yeah. So this was – there's the calendar. It says leave on, and I click the little button, and then it opens the calendar. And without even looking at the days, it just – I clicked the Friday, and I clicked the Sunday where they then it opens the calendar and without even looking at the days I click the Friday and I click the Sunday where the Friday was lit up

and I said yes for that one and then home on Sunday and it just happened to be for July 7th so then she's like we have another United flight it's leaving out of Newark though so I just said fuck that whole reservation.

Is there anything else? And I have to get in a cab, drive from JFK to LaGuardia to get on another flight to get there. So now, by the way, if anybody wants to go to Montreal on July 7th, I've got tickets for you. Because I don't think I... Because guess what?

Jackie's head popped up. Jackie looks legitimately interested. Did you ever go to that punishment we gave her? She had to go to lunch. Oh, fuck! Yeah, maybe you're going to... You might be going to Montreal on July 7th.

I forgot about that. Yeah. You can't what? I can't go on July 7th. Why not? I'm going home. Is it because you can't talk to the microphone?

Sorry, what? I'm going home. Maybe you should go to Montreal how long how long it was for like 7th to 9th it was the tickets we could get you back on the 8th I'll talk to you after

I'll have my people talk to your people you do need to go to Noonan too I forget everything these guys are so lucky We don't yell we don't get mad. We forget everything the helmet was like the only thing we Triathlon we still have like Last summer I was like if this happens I gotta be prepared to be prepared. No way. You can swim now? I can swim now.

Wait, you didn't tell me that you were learning how to swim. I mean, I wasn't, like, taking classes. I was, like, talking in time to fight this fear. You didn't tell me you were learning how to swim. You didn't tell me you were learning how to swim. Because I got a pool now. Okay, okay. But this is unfair now because...

I'm pretty good now. Well, like, okay, Mr. Jump Guy. I can swim now. You better be pretty good. You're a functioning adult. Can you use strokes and shit? Not that far. You know what I learned? I have a fun fact. Should I do it

right now? Sure. That freestyle swimming, you can swim any way you want. It's not overhead. It's just that is the fastest. If you were better at butterflies somehow, it's it's freestyle it's like you could doggy battle i don't think i knew that yeah i just thought freestyle meant overhand so what is the actual overhand stroke called is that called overhand i forget it does have a name i forget what it is

but that just it's just like there is no better way to do it so everyone does that and it inherently like by default it becomes that in high school we, we actually used that for the final 4x4 we ever did. It's a 4x4 freestyle. All of our friends just swam like assholes. They jumped in the pool. One of them did this thing called corkscrew where you take one stroke freestyle and then the other backstroke. You spin your way through it? Yeah, and then one just doggy paddled.

We just fucked around. Yeah, because the freestyle, what are those called? Medleys? No, relays, you said. It's just that each leg has to be a different one, right? A medley, there's an order to it. If it's just a straight-up freestyle relay, you can do whatever you want whenever you want?

Yeah, you can do whatever you want. And that's what they did that. Is there not a front crawl race then? That's what I mean. Like, it's, yeah. So freestyle is just front crawl? It might have just, like, by default, we just, rather than do twice, basically.

Yeah. But theoretically. So Michael Phelps is short, like, five gold medals. Yeah, because you could just do this as well. You should have gotten the front crawl as well. In 100, 200, 300, 400. Yeah. Because, yeah, somehow, some way, if way if you were like faster at the backstroke

you could just break that out while the other guys are going frontwards that's what if that happens at lesser levels the olympic level obviously yeah yeah because there's probably some guy who's like yeah my butterfly is just like i think we did have that in high school there was a guy at a rival school who he just wanted more practice at it because he was like going a junior olympian yeah like someone who's like getting like college well that would have been really cool for phelps i'm gonna run it back in tokyo or whatever i'm gonna do the breaststroke while you guys do freestyle overhead the crawl um maybe what's the triathlon wrapping running

or wrapping swimming and googling and googling i was trying to think okay if he learned how to What's the triathlon? Rapping, swimming, and... Googling. And Googling. I was trying to think, okay, if he learned how to swim, maybe you could learn. By the way, that is crazy, that three years ago. Do you know, Jackie, I think this was said on... You guys haven't posted your three-year anniversary post. I think Jackie said that in her three years, she's produced more podcasts than anyone here. I mean, that's not an exact like whatever in the in like

the history of Barstool no I can't it's up there at one point we're doing Kevin Clancy show two episodes of this week okay okay yeah yeah I thought you meant just KFC radio no yeah it's I mean even that we were yeah we were three episodes a week

what we do three episodes a week I What? We do three episodes a week. I've done it. But when you were here in the beginning, it was just two, right? But I guess Friday Night Pints. Friday Night Pints, Kevin Clancy's show, KC Radio. But I was doing clips at first, so it probably would only be two and a half years. I was actually editing the podcast. And it's like one of the most producing producers.

That's why she's the owner of Kiss Your Radio. That's why. That's why you earned this. That's why you earned this. Anyway, I'm just such an... And I still was like, oh, Expedia's website is so stupid.

Like still just not even taking responsibility for the fact... I think... Because I'm someone who makes similar mistakes. I think... Stand with me in this box. Let's go together. I think, because I'm someone who makes similar mistakes. I think... I think the website should start on what day it is.

And then, yeah, because I don't know whether you plan one week, one month, one year out. Why do we decide When you show me a calendar, I just assume the day is highlighted. Because wait, and it's also... I'm not even speaking for booking things. If you showed me a calendar and one of the days is highlighted. Because wait, and it's also, so, I'm not even speaking for like, booking things.

I just mean like, if you showed me a calendar and one of the days is highlighted, I assume that's the day it is. So July 7th would have been one week,

two weeks, it's like, it was like two weeks and two days. Yeah, that's nonsense. What is that? You know,

if it was exactly 14 days or it was a whole month or whatever, it's like, why the fuck? Why? Bullshit. It doesn't make sense. I will send Expedia to fix it.

They're catching strays. I don't even know if I use Expedia. It's just like one of those. Could be Priceline.com, Priceline Negotiator, all that shit. I don't know. It was just those websites. But man, did Canada just suck. It was a fun trip.

Just because of the guys that I was with. And I just want people to remember. America's the best. Just remember that. Because like, yeah, some things are not good. But all those people who are like, I'm moving to Canada. If this happens, go the fuck ahead. And see what happens when you're living in Canada

that place stinks dick it sucks dick dude I bought four pies of pizza they didn't cut them I saw that they didn't slice them I just had four big frisbees of pizza which to be honest I was tempted

to just try to eat like that. Not even fold it or anything. Just like eating a big circle. What the fuck is that about? That's crazy. Very. It is one of those things where it's just like our way is the right way. It's like what we're doing with the temperature.

This is the right way. Fahrenheit's the right way. So that was another thing. Although I will say. It's the right way so that was another thing although I will say it's the sensical way I almost had to give them a little bit of credit because

by I walk into my hotel it was 19 degrees Celsius and I'm like and it went down to 7 degrees Celsius which is 44 Fahrenheit so I was like

hell yeah let's go I was like that's obviously I don't even want that but let's go. I was like, I was like, that's obviously, I don't even want that, but I almost want it to be like, we're going colder than no man has gone before. But I had a fucking bitch ass roommate who put it back at 19.

Fuck you, Greg. But yeah, like there's only, there's only like, just like, I mean like anyone alive, you say,

close your eyes. Think of slice of pizza. I think of pizza. It's sliced. I, I, I like anyone alive, you say close your eyes, think of a slice of pizza. Think of pizza. It's sliced. Sliced. I would venture to guess. Once in a blue moon, I'll order a hero and they don't cut it and you just have to eat like the whole hero. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That could happen. That's not that big of a deal. Maybe a sandwich also. You're supposed to be cutting a triangle. It's not. Little things like that, they happen. Never have I been like – or it was like a mistake or whatever you know what i mean like the woman we were at a skeet shooting place that was like we

don't we don't have food here but you can order food and she came out with a fucking pizza roller and i was like she must have she must do this all the time they must deliver non-sliced pizzas and she has to roll them up for us i mean that was and i was just like and and then we couldn't get food late night because montreal was out till 3 a.m and there was like no real places that were open also poutine not a big deal that kind of sucks well poutine's good but it was fine that's what i mean though i was like oh like montreal like the king of the poutine and i was like, I don't know. I had better in Nashville. Gravy? Yeah.

Poutine actually is good enough that it's broadened out of Canada, and then we just started making it more fatty. Yeah, cheese and gravy. It's like, whatever, all good. I'm surprised they beat the Southerners to that. Yeah, that is strange. That does feel like it should be along with them. Cheese and gravy.

They put that on everything. They put that on pizza yeah and just like nobody with the English nobody no other thing

other than Uber a bunch of cab drivers I I was like can you take me here and they just said no to me I was like fuck you guys

there was a taxi line it was outside of a club where they line up I guess like at 3am they're like you know it's almost like at an airport.

And I had to go to the third cab. And he was like, no, no, you must go. And I was like, they said no. And he goes, what? I was like, I don't know. They just said no. So I'm yours if you want it. He was like, okay, sounds good.

Charged me $30. They were like two feet. And I was like, whatever, dude. I don't give a fuck. But just remember, you go places and you order pizza. You can't even get it sliced. Because America's the best. There might be, you know, mass shootings every two seconds, but you will never get a pie pizza and it's not cut.

You take the good with the bad. That's the symbolism. That's like the microcosm, if you will, for like, there are some overarching, really shitty things that go on. But your day-to-day? Pretty fucking awesome. Yeah. Your milk's not in a bag. Bro, I remember when I was born.

Yeah, shit like that, where it's just like, yeah, I can go on. I make a paycheck. I have my own money. It's not communism. I have my money. I have freedom to go on my phone, post what I want, do what I want, live how I want, where I want, drive my car wherever I want. I can get pizza that's sliced. I can get food delivered at all hours.

I can drink here. I can do that. All that shit is just like boom, boom, boom, boom. Never in doubt. Those are unalienable, inalienable rights that we always have. And you go somewhere else and that's in question. And they're like, well, we have universal health care. I was like, yeah, well, yeah, well, I can eat my fucking pizza.

You know? The milk thing. I remember when I went to – my buddy played juniors in Port Colborne outside Toronto. And I went to like stay with him for a weekend or whatever. And I opened the fridge to grab a beer or something. And it was just like four stacks of bags of milk pretty big like you know like bigger than elementary school right yeah yeah yeah but like like i don't know like a big slice so probably like a half gallon you think well it should have been like a big

carton it was probably in a bag yeah because i think a half gallon gallon would probably be like a fucking bag yeah half gallon makes sense and it. But they were all on top of each other, and it was like... It looked like how you store blood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what we pull up at the triage unit after a mass shooting. What the fuck is this? Now, I think the whole point is storage,

is that it's just like you can store probably like 100x the amount of liquid. How much milk you fucking canox drinking? Bro, when I was in elementary school, like probably it was almost like an experiment. I think from like second to fourth grade we had it and they were like, we're done. But, you know, we had a whole tutorial on how to fucking use them. You had to push down on one side, thumb over the top. Make sure you point the pointy side into the bag.

Then relax. Then take your thumb off because otherwise it was going to shoot everywhere. We just took the bags and threw them as high as we could in the air and let them splash. Threw them against the wall. In elementary school, how should we serve the milk? Water balloons.

That's exactly what it was. We were just like, okay, I can do all this. I mean, you really have not had that much fun until you've thrown a bag of milk like 30 feet in the air and just watched it splatter on the auditorium floor. It was fucking great. We also used to have – did you have the tables? Probably not because you probably were sitting at like a nice dining room table with like wooden thrones at your abbey.

That was in high school. I went to public school until then. Did you have a table? But yes, that's exactly what it sounds like. Like, for real. Like Harry Potter shit? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.

Did you have tables that had the seats attached to the table? Oh, yeah. Did you have round ones? Yeah. I had both at various times. Like, not a bench. They were individual round seats. Yeah, table oh yeah did you have round ones uh yeah i had both at various times from like not a bench they were individual rounds yeah did you ever uh relentlessly kick the bottom of them i don't think so they made this noise a louder noise than just kicking a table that makes noise but it like popped up and was so loud i don't remember that. And we would just nonstop.

Bam! And it was like a... It was like... Also, did you guys have this? Did you have like a lunch moderator, if you will? Yeah. Like she kind of... Like she didn't cook. She wasn't a lunch lady.

But she's a woman who just kind of walks around. I think she had a whistle and she just like stopped you from doing... I don't remember the whistle. Yeah. And we would whack. And this little oompa loompa would like run over to us. Like, what's it? What's it? Yeah, what's over to us You could do it so quick

And then just sit back down It was that The hardest version of whack-a-mole ever We would kick these fucking things The milk bags The kicking of the seats And we also We ate in like

The same lunchroom Also had a stage in the front So they would open up folding chairs For like the same lunchroom also had a stage in the front. So they would open up folding chairs for like the school play. It was like an auditorium, but it was also our – What school is this? Elementary school. Elementary school. And the floor was like this like –

it was not a marble floor because that would be silly, but that was like the feeling. And you could run and slide on your knees on your sweatpants, and you could – and I guess they waxed it or whatever, and we would zoom. And so it was this woman trying to stop this herding cat who were throwing milk, kicking chairs, and sliding on the floor, and she just had no chance. Bam!

She would turn around, and somebody would slide by her, and milk would hit her. She was like, what the fuck is going on? Ah, the good old days. It was great. But anyway, hit her. She's like, what the fuck is going on? Ah, the good old days. It was great. But anyway, fuck Canada. America's awesome. We might have had, I think, the number one moment in my friend group. I was like,

if you drafted this number one overall, I wouldn't begrudge you. As you know, when you go to strip clubs and the like, sometimes you get involved in the show. And one of my buddies in the crew got pulled up on stage. And, you know, in Montreal, they go all out.

Like, the rules are much less rules up there. So they start to pull down his pants. And they're pulling down his boxers. And he quickly, he took a charge. He quickly, he was like, whoop! And grabbed his boxers at the last second. It honestly looked like a kid trying to take a charge of me a little. We were all like, going down the other way!

And he grabbed it, though he stopped it. But we saw like, pube. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he stopped it in time. But I could see the look in his face was like, is, is this supposed to be nude? Because like,

I mean, then I'll do it. Am I supposed to go dick out for this? And they're like, no, no, no. So,

oddly enough, he pulled them back up, but he like, pulled them back up. So it was like, it was like a wedgie. And, uh,

they sit him down, and they start to like, you know, lap dance a little bit and whatever. And then they just leave him on stage in what has to be the meanest, most awkward prank of all time. They just all of a sudden walk over to the side. And he was like, oh, all right, cool. Cool show.

That's done. And the DJ is like, no, no, no, no, no, man, man. The floor is yours. The stage is yours. We want to see it. let me see what you got in that setting i would legitimately be like i'm leaving yeah i'm sorry i it's a great joke sorry guys i'm out and my man was like all right claps once like i thought he was just gonna go go like, you know, whatever. Claps his hands.

Jumps up on the chair. Feet on the chair. Hands on the ground doing chair push-ups quick. Runs from one pole. Does the spin around the pole all the way to the bottom on one pole. Goes to the other side. Does that one. Jumps up and grabs a pole that we didn't even know was there because there was like a curtain. Grabs that, flips his legs up,

and is like showing what would have been his asshole if there was no boxers on. Grabs money, shoves it down his dick, takes another wad of money. There was this big crew up front sitting like eight people at a table. They were the best. They were just like this loud funny rambunctious black crew and grabs this guy's head corn road up rubs the money on his head

they were all chanting his name rubs the money on this guy's head and goes you're next and the girls went wild and then proceeds to like lay on the ground and like hump yeah the ground and hump the ground. And I mean, I was just like, it became, it wasn't even funny anymore. I was just like, this is fucking incredible. Did you notice what was going to happen in practice? Did you just have a stripper routine? Like, what the fuck was that, man? It was spectacular. What was your, you said you would get an office.

So you're forced to say gunpoint. What's your routine? Ooh. what would your you said you would get an office so you you're forced to say gunpoint what's your routine oh he um he swung on the polls really well because remember when the internet found out not too long ago that the polls spin he said those ones didn't spin but he still was able to like he was able to do it um i would probably oh god mean, this is a horrible thought. What would I do? What would I do? I mean, you got to do some humping and thrusting. Yeah. It's got to be all, like, dick-centric and ass-centric. I'd be heavy pole.

Pole, yeah. You got to use the pole to your advantage. But also, the pole's not easy. So, like, you know... But poles... I think the easy move is, like, the... You stay on your feet and hold the pole and spin all the way out.

Yeah, yeah. Like your arms extended. Because if you're getting up there and you're holding on it, you know what I think I would like to do is just like a fireman. Like I would get up top and just go all the way down. Just like land on my butt on the stage.

I would like. I mean, it's hard to strip, dude. It's very hard. I think, how slippery is the floor? You need knee pads, right? No, because they slide around. I mean, it's hard to strip, dude. It's very hard. How slippery is the floor? You need knee pads, right? No, because they slide around. I mean, it would not have been. I'm so tight in the groin.

The groin, dude. You can't lay on the ground and put your knees out. Fuck no. This is like literally I'm pushing right now. You know what I heard? Another fun fact. I can't man spread. Fun fact I learned on this trip.

And I did not check this, but fuck it. I have three fun facts actually this is my second one of the day that stretching is mental there is an element of like your muscle can be literally more limber and flexible but it's your brain telling you like your muscle can't do that your groin can't do that your tendons are gonna rip stop it but that that's why yoga is like a lot of men mental stuff because if you do relax and like your mind like stops thinking that way,

you'll just like open up more. I got to work on that because like I have... No flexibility. My groin. When I pulled it, you were saying I had a... Yeah, hernia.

Hernia. Like it's never come back. Really? It still just hurts? It still just hurts. It's probably a hernia. It's because you have a hernia. Can you do like a,

there's no way. Fuck. You couldn't. I actually do stretch. If you try to do a butterfly, how, can you get your feet together even at all?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I like stretch, I've actually been trying to stretch it recently, probably the last week. There's no way your knees even come close to the ground.

They're like all the way up hold on I got it my left is better wait why are you even on your back you sit like on your this is what I can do wait try to sit and do that. For the people listening at home,

if you're trying to do a butterfly where your feet... You touch the bottom of your feet and you put your side of your knees to the ground. That's a butterfly, right? What John is doing is basically sitting how you do sit-ups.

Like, your knees are just like straight up. I can get closer. This is where it's comfortable. I can pull it in closer. That's crazy, dude. Like, I can put like, well, these pants aren't the best for it. No way.

No way, dude. Is that what you should do in school? Never eat like that. You feel like you're going to explode. I feel like you're just going to go like, bah! You're like bones shoot out of your legs and shit. This is it. Dude, actually, that reminds me.

This weekend, I got a flat tire. Were you a man? Huh? Were you a man? Fuck no. Did you call somebody or triple a like everything i was lucky enough to be on i was on route six in somerset and uh and there's like a bunch of like car stuff and car places like there and um i pulled into like a monobo or monobo or something like that and it's like it was like tire it was like it was like like oil changes all that shit like

when i was like four quarters things and uh the i i i pulled over somewhere else for like right right across the street and just because i was on that side of the road um that they were like mechanics gone that was like a gas station that had one of those things and the mechanics gone all right i just went across the street but when i pulled over the other one and i was like i know like everything i know enough to know what i don't know true and i was like i know if you jack it up in the wrong place it like goes through the floorboard and so i was like looking under the car it should be more highlighted like it just like it just be like this is where you put your gas in. Here's where you put your gas in. Yeah, like, everything else has a label. Like, it just didn't have a label.

Right. And so I was like, I also, like, I was wearing a shirt. I didn't want to get dirty. So I was in, like, full push-up position. Like, I wasn't sitting on the ground. I was going to my mom's birthday dinner. So I was, like, dressed up. You should have taken your shirt off.

Done it. And so I was like, I don't know where to put this. I'm not going to risk it. So I'll fucking, I'll go across the street. And, like, it was, like, probably 5 this. I'm not going to risk it. So I'll fucking go across the street. And it was probably 5 p.m., something like that. And they were closing up. And I went in there and I was just like, hey, can someone show me where to put the jack? And a young dude was like, yeah.

And rolled his eyes. And I was like, all right, you fucking 16-year-old. Just so you know, I have a podcast. What's funny is in my head, I literally was like, that fucking punk to like try to sit in front of a microphone but then and he ended up doing the whole thing i actually was happy he kept being wrong i was like it's harder than that oh good like he like i gave him the jack and he's like this jack isn't gonna work and he's like i'll get i'll get mine and because he like he was like done with work like he said i'll he's like, I'll get mine. Because he was done with work. He said, I'm going to clock out, and I'll come help you. And went to get his jack, but he drove a Supra or something,

so he couldn't jack up the SUV. Ah, pussy. You and your little pussy car. Had to use mine. And then he was like, I'll go get the power gun. And came back with the wrong size bolt for the tires. And I was like, ah, wrong again. This guy sucks.

I mean, there's like three steps, and he fucked up two of them. But while he was changing the tire, he just kept being so flexible. I was like, all right, you don't need to be like he was sitting Indian style. And he was like, let me get out of the car. I was like, all right, you got me as a man already. This isn't, you're losing points now

because guess what? I can't even sit on the ground, bro. Honestly, remember when way back we did that, that, that list of things

that make you like gay or the ick? Yeah. Flexible dudes, gay. Like I used to crush that. Like he was, he was sitting in the inside

like could kiss the ground too he was so flat that's like literally yeah that's like you've been trying to suck your own dick I'm still to this day

even even throughout all my like hardships with my body I'm pretty flexible and back when I was in shape I was like flexible flexible like the only thing

I used to you know win at the presidential challenge and all that I would smash the requirements of that and I always remember being like oh my god that's what the chicks do like you remember that with with stretching it was like girls need to stretch like 72 inches and guys need to stretch like 10 yeah and i would like i could do what the like the girls were

doing i was like this mine is like can i get my belt buckled like can i get my hands to my waist it's real dude i was I was working out with my brother when we were on vacation when we were in Amsterdam and he like, not making fun of me, just goes, dude, you should work on some mobility exercises. Let's see how bad it is. Can you like touch the middle of your

back? Maybe. Nope. Well, I mean like I don't know, whatever this is. Again, again. Touch, like, how high? I'm just going, like, this is comfortable. I can probably get more, but, like. How high can you go? I mean.

That's as high as you go. It's about as high as I go. So you're, like, down here. Like, below my shoulder blades. Can you do this where you grab your. What are you, nuts, dude? No. There's, like, a.

What the hell? No. There's like a foot in that half. No way. Oh, what else is there? What else is there to stretch? What else is there to stretch?

What else is there to stretch? Just sit and reach. Well, yeah, I mean, you know, you only touch

like your knees when you try to touch your toes, right? Yeah. Can you like pull your, can you like

go like this? Yeah, I can do that. Well, don't say anything Oh yeah yeah That's pretty You know

How high can you kick up? Oh that's a good one We did this recently I think actually No Stop it You can do it Like ah

All the way Hold on That wasn't too bad Okay I don't think that was that bad That wasn't that bad Alright Alright that's good You got pretty high Pretty high I mean Granted she's a Seven year old girl Hold on. That wasn't too bad. Okay. I don't think that was that bad. That was not bad. All right. All right.

That's good. You got up pretty high pretty quickly. I mean, granted, she's a seven-year-old girl. Shay will just stand there and put her leg over. I thought you meant like straight up without bending things. Oh. I mean, so you're down here for that. Yeah.

You're like a rock. I'm not saying like a statue which is like a boulder like you know you said like i'm i'm a marshmallow with toothpicks yeah you're a rock with toothpicks you know you're just harder and i'm softer but we're like the same black you know much rather would be a rock, by the way. By the way, what kind of stuff is all this? For your brother, who's also pretty very similarly built, I would say, for him to be like, you need to work on mobility.

It's not like a girl saying it or a yoga instructor. It's another guy who lifts and shipping. You need to work on your flexibility. Today, I was doing sit-ups. It's like the sit-up machine. You know what I mean?

It's a bench that has the pads here for your shins. And I got in like this. I backed into it. No. So I backed in with this leg and then turned. Just like letting your body fall? And then turned like that. Wait, wait, wait.

Hang on, hang on. So the bench is going this way, right? This is terrible to listen to. I'll be quick. The bench is going this way, right? Benches – this is terrible to listen to. I'll be quick. Benches go in this way. The pads are here. So one pad here, one pad here. And rather than just like sitting down and putting –

I can't do that. You can't like loop your legs in? No. So I would back in like this and I would swing this leg around and I'd put it in there and I'd sit here. And by the way, I work out at like 10 a.m. so it's just me and like a bunch of 60-year-olds

and they're like, I'm sure they're watching like Jesus Christ. I hope I'm not like that one day. But then you can lay back and do sit-ups, okay? Yeah. It's just like my groin area.

Because you can't get like any side ways. It's the one I fucked up. I don't know. I just pulled something and it just never healed. I'm pretty sure, and this might just be because I always read about core strength and stuff

with your spine and your back because of all my injuries. They say that your hip flexors and whatever this one here is, if that's tight, you're fucked. Everything falls apart. I can feel everything's uneven. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. I've pulled things on my neck and my shoulder where I'm like, oh, I've been hurting for a couple days.

I look at myself in the mirror, and I'm literally like this. And I didn't know it. I'm just walking around like straight Quasimodo. By the way, my answer for the strip routine. Oh, yeah. What would be your routine? I think because I'm not trying to get all the bros horny. I think the move is just start throwing the money back.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, make reverse rain. Yeah. That's going to get the people going. Maybe I'll just take my dick out. Imagine if I just started helicoptering and they were like,

whoa, dude, whoa. Throw my fucking, whoa. Throw my Hanes at somebody, throw my Tommy Johns. Oh, that was what was so funny. Just so you know, it's a pullout fly.

Bro, the guy, it was so funny. The dude who did it was like, thank God I had my good pair of underwear on. He told me, he said the day before, the boxers he had on, the leg holes were not the biggest holes in his boxers. He had bigger holes than where you put your fucking thigh. You got holes today?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's tough. That's one of those, like like if you were to see just that it would look like a thong I am so I just tip my cap

to the guys who can do those things that's like the same reason I say I don't do karaoke that's karaoke on steroids is a strip performance you know where people would just be like

but that's a lot more fun I feel like but it wouldn't it just wouldn't be like I don't know what I would do bad karaoke is just bad karaoke. Bad, yeah, yeah. Bad, like, as long as you're fun.

Well, here's the thing. It's like when they're doing, Charlie's doing the butt dance in Always Sunny, and Jason Stakis, his character, is like, we're not having fun because you're not having fun. Yeah, well, that's the thing. I wouldn't be having fun, though. You can smell that on somebody. You can see that on their face. They also were like, this goes for 15 to 20 minutes.

I was like, holy shit. And it didn't, but he was up there for a while. They did multiple levels of other things. But I hate to say it about myself. I just know who I am. I would probably run out of the club. Because if you just get off stage and try to go back to your friends, they'd be booing you and shit. I would probably just leave the club. Because if you just get off stage and try to go back to your friends, they'd be booing you and shit.

I would probably just leave the club. Remember when you were late to the kickball and you were like, I'm just going to get home. I'm fired. I'm not friends with these guys anymore. They wanted me to do this really cool, funny thing and it was going to be a moment

and I just ran away. It was unbelievable. Went to a pretty cool club, The Vault. It's called La Vuve or whatever. It was literally in the basement of what I believe is a bank. pretty cool club, The Vault. It's called like La Vue or whatever. It was literally like in the basement of what I believe is a bank. So it was like The Vault. The door to The Vault was legitimately as wide as that door is. That was the width of it.

They had lasers like entrapment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you had to walk through lasers. There was a chick on a fucking horse with fembot nipples on fire singing. It was pretty crazy. I was like, I would prefer to go to a bar, but if I'm going to go to a club, let's go to a fucking club.

Let's go all out. Anyway, back home. A couple dudes are still there. They got their flight canceled. That's a long time at our age like everybody was like 40 and like dying and he's like just i don't think he's still at that as i'm recording this on monday afternoon still not even like on a plane like they got bumped and

and canceled and uh i was like i think you just live in canada Okay. Voicemails? Real quick, I have a call-out. Oh, yeah. You had an update and a call-out. The update was the thing. We got a call-out. I don't know who the mole is at Barstool Sports, but there's a mole

who reports directly to Aubrey Graham, and I'm going to find you. Aubrey Graham. Who's that again? Drake. Oh, Drake. Wait, what?

Dude, okay. So do you remember the second summer of Sadges for the Boys? We're selling a Sadges for the Boys t-shirt. It says on the back, can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then Drake put out that. And then Drake had a song.

And the opening lyric is, can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning. Does he and then drake put out that and then drake had a song and like right like the opening lyric is can't drink all day feeling star in the morning you have a song about swastikas and we immediately we changed that shirt to uh this was again this is the second summer size of the boys so we were doing like a different thing we had like drinking phrases on the back and we changed it to like ovio colors those were cool that that was a fun iteration of yeah theage and the Boys. Yeah. There were a couple other ones. One I wanted to make that got denied was can't get a DUI in the daylight.

Well, we did make Adderall diet. So I do think that was a valid. Yeah, by the way, the can't drink all day in the start of the morning. You can check it. Barstool Sports sold it first. Again, it's just something I heard people say. I didn't create it. But I think 4Play still sells it as like Jake Owens,

official merchandise. Right. Um, Drake is putting out a, uh, poetry, um, book.

It's called titles ruin everything. We've been trying to do the internet ruins everything for fucking ever pat we were saying the internet ruins everything it's on fucking blogs it's been on the podcast non-stop pav's made a sick sweatshirt he released he put this thing out and i was like what the fuck that looks like that's that's what we do it's now but i obviously it's not uh similar in the sense that like we i actually think he got it from us but now it it's going to look like we're trying to ride his wave. I was going to wait until the summer to put those sweatshirts out. I'm sorry, until the winter.

The plan was to get this big blackboard and have everyone write down stuff that the internet ruins. I think we're just going to put it out. I think you should. I think we should. Fuck that. Fuck this. Fuck that. Fuck this. Fuck that.

Fuck Drake. Who gives a shit? Drake, we'll do it better than Drake. We'll do it bigger than Drake. I think Pav's put the... Because Pav's made a very cool sweatshirt out of it that I like a lot. Can you pull that up? Whoa, wait, wait.

Why is Taylor Hall trending? Boston and Chicago are discussing possibilities that could benefit the Blackhawks and ease the Bruins cap situation. We'll see where it goes. Okay. The Yeah, Paz, put the graphic in here. Paz, the sweatshirt you made. It's fucking sick.

Again, I've been waiting until the fall to put it out. Yeah. We're definitely putting this out. And we'll also by the way ride the wave it's not like

then good for Drake but we put it out before that book I think put it out now before that poetry book comes out yeah perfect timing because this shows

that we had it ready but you're not so you're not stealing it but also we're basically coming out with his book and his album

alright and we're gonna the original idea we just got the small one now. But we wanted to make this whole thing one of those – the type of wallpaper that is chalk so you can write on it. We were going to have all of our guests write down one thing that the internet ruined. I mean I had talked – I texted John about saying like we could potentially make that the whole brand of our show. Everyone always being like they don't have like a pitch or an elevator pitch or an identity.

Like the whole thing we're going to do is just talk about how the Internet has ruined us and everything else. It ruins everything. And then fucking Drake. It actually was a quote card the other day. Like the Internet kills things fast or some shit like that. The Internet ruins everything, including my fucking sweatshirt. The Internet ruins everything. It's so meta better it's an episode of black mirror it's like that one where she's watching her life play out like we need we now need a shirt for the shirt the internet ruined the internet ruined

everything sweatshirt before i can put the sweatshirt we need we need a logo that logo and then on top of that we need something that says the internet ruined this shirt. That is fucking crazy. Kid Pav, send that to like Allison or something

so we can get the sweatshirts ready. It was going to be for the fall! It was going to be a fall sweatshirt! God damn it, Drake! Fuck you, Drake. Did you see that episode With Andy Murphy? Alexis from Schitt's Creek? I did not watch that episode What'd you think?

I think it's a fun thing for this discussion I don't know Black Mirror is one of those things Oh, you know what? That's the thing the internet ruined Black Mirror The internet ruined Black Mirror by Every time there's a piece of technology People go, haven't you seen Black Mirror? This feels ruined Black Mirror by every time there's a piece of technology, people go,

haven't you seen Black Mirror? This feels like Black Mirror. It's like every time someone got pregnant, they're like, you got pregnant? Haven't you seen The Omen? It's like, yeah, a terrible thing could happen. Could happen, yeah. I've seen movies before. What the fuck is that doing?

Now, there's certain things, very much like Veep, where it literally came true. There's the one with the social score, and China does that. But also, there's certain things, very much like Veep, where it literally came true. There's the one with the social score, and China does that. But also, there's a new- China already did that when they made it. Right, right. So sometimes it's not even that it came true, but it's like people learned about these things that way. But the latest season of Black Mirror has a fucking werewolf in it. So we're not really doing technology strictly.

I watched that Black Mirror episode, whatever one it was called. Let's see if I have the picture of it. Yeah, here it is. I think I sent this to you. Where it's Hazel Day or something like that. Oh, yeah. You got Bamboozle. Yeah.

Maisie Day. Maisie Day. Maisie Day is the one with the paparazzi. That's the werewolf. Yeah. But the picture of it, the thumbnail of it has Selma Hayek. It has Selma Hayek. So the whole time I'm watching it, I'm like, oh, this woman who's a paparazzi becomes Selma Hayek and regrets her life.

Because she kind of – I mean it's not like a selma hayek body double or anything like that but like you if you wanted to say that was selma hayek in the night because they make a point that it's earlier like they have like right they like highlight like ipod nanos and stuff like that and you know as good as you could get with an actress it's a believable younger selma hayek and i wait so this did this guy respond? Black Mirror's Maisie J. Twist. Oh, no. OK, because I would love to hear what the fuck they.

So if you don't know it, Black Mirror, there's a story of a paparazzi, a starlet who is getting hounded by the paparazzi. And she goes to try to get help. She's all strung out. She like she used to go to rehab and so she goes to this like hollywood doctor who's like not really a doctor and she kind of goes into hiding and then the paparazzis that we were introduced to are chasing after this starlet there's a thirty thousand dollar bounty on her head so you're thinking like i'm like okay paparazzi is not exactly technology, but it's kind of modern. And we're talking about social media.

So that's, you know, there is the Black Mirror connection and they're chasing after this girl. And then they find her and she's like locked up in this house that she thought she was doing. They thought she was doing rehab there. Turns out she's locked, chained up.

And so the one girl has an attack of conscience and she's like, we shouldn't be taking pictures of her. Let's help her. And she unchains her. Full moon comes out, she turns into a werewolf. I mean, it was fucking insane. I mean, I would like, you know, and then what's even

the silly part was the paparazzi guys trying to take pictures of that being like we're gonna get so much money and then she mauls them to death but like that is like so over the top i don't think that would fucking happen you know sometimes black mirror was pretty real to be like oh i gotta get pictures of this werewolf and then she just eats you it was like you're a dickhead what like why the fuck would there be a werewolf like what the metaphor that i got right up on after because I was just like that's ridiculous and I thought that this is what it was

it's like that's supposed to represent like teen actors that's when they get caught up in like paparazzi and like paparazzi turns them into monsters that they're not and then paparazzi take pictures of those monsters to make things even worse alright fair you know there's some

I can follow that logic. Like, the idea the internet can turn you into a monster, the internet ruins everything. Doing it literally was a bit much. But, hey, I don't know. Also, like, you, the show, it wasn't, the show wasn't hinting at, like, her, like, theoretically in that metaphor,

they're like a good person or a healthy person, whatever you wanted to say. But, like, she ran a person over in a metaphor, they're like a good person or a healthy person, whatever you wanted to say. But she ran a person over in a car and they were highlighting that she was addicted to pills. I assumed she was in rehab because of the addiction to pills, not because she's a werewolf.

She needed to be more of a monster for it to be like... She needed to be a good person. Yeah, like... She's turned into this monster and then it like like and then like she's turned into this monster and then it's like literally she turned into a monster but all of it was like the fucking and it was like okay like the trash like the trash house wasn't even after a full moon now i think about it yeah it was very uh it was weird i i thought the um the aaron paul space one i thought i loved everything space and the idea is they're they're astronauts who are up in like a

space station and they have a body down on earth and're astronauts who are up in a space station. They have a body down on Earth and a body up in the space station. They can transfer their consciousness in and out of it. I thought that was a good one because that made me feel some shit. I don't want to spoil it, but the stuff that Josh Hartnett went through. I was just like, oh my God, if that happened to me. Then there's some shit that goes on with Aaron Paul. I thought that one was okay. That one was pretty good. It was just like a half hour too long.

It was like an hour and 20 minutes. It was like a little movie. Pretty quickly, you're like, I bet how that... And we know where this is going to go. This is going one of two ways. And one of the two ways. Right, right. I like Lock Henry a lot. That was so dope.

That was so dope andke Henry was so dope that was so dope and almost feel like I want a movie or just like get meta with that because that's the story of

true crime kids making a documentary what is what is the metaphor of that one cause like that one like yeah what is

that was my overall point was Black Mirror has strayed away from the technology thing i think a little bit the best black mirror episode in my opinion this season was lock henry and it wasn't a black mirror it's more of a commentary i guess on like true crime yeah but but they're they're fucking uh appropriating what makes it good is they're appropriate they're not

really satirizing it they're it's just a true crime episode yeah I guess yeah the only thing I could think of is like if you weren't like so nosy and like looking at other people's lives you you know again no spoilers

all of that wouldn't have happened but also at the same time it's like then they would have got away with it in a weird way the true crime solved the crime I got that at the same time, it's like then they would have got away with it. Yeah. In a weird way, the true crime solved the crime. I got that at the end too. And actually, I appreciate that, obviously, where it was like mind your fucking business kind of deal. It felt kind of like that. That was so good, though.

If everyone delved into your business the way you delve into others, it will make you very depressed and alone. Yes. The mom was good. She was good. was very that was very you can't can't the um the annie murphy one though is so she's alexis from schitt's creek she her name's joan and she has this really weird hair two blonde streaks in her black hair, and she's kind of just like a shitty boss, and you just kind of get the vibe. But she's not that bad. It's just kind of like, ugh, this is whatever. She had to fire someone, and she felt uncomfortable doing it.

I watched the first 10 minutes of that one again thinking that was Maisie Day. So I saw her fire the person. That is the Salma Hayek one. Yeah, but I thought it was Maisie Day. Got it. so I saw her like well that is the Salma Hayek one yeah but I thought it was an easy day got it anyway without giving out too many spoilers she goes home that night

and her and her boyfriend start watching a new show on Streamberry I wonder why they call it that has anybody figured out what that is they did it twice because it's weird

because it's the Netflix logoing branding with the all of that the little rainbow thingy and did it twice. Because it's weird because it's the Netflix logoing branding with all of that, the little rainbow thingy and the N, but instead it's an S and it's the red and black colors. But in it, in these episodes, Netflix play a part of how shitty the world is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Streamberry documentary, Streamberry in this case. Does it still air on BBC first?

Isn't that where it started? I think. I'm pretty sure it's where it started. But then would think Netflix would be like I don't know we're not airing these episodes because in this case it's Streamberry is like exploiting the fuck out of people using artificial intelligence to create a reality show so she goes home after going to work

and going to therapy and meeting up with her ex and she's watching TV this news show with her husband or her boyfriend. And the show is her exact life playing out that day. She's watching it unfold. Turns out that they're using this artificial intelligence, actors and actresses. And everything is being filmed and recorded the same way we always talk about when you mention something

near your phone and then you get targeted ads this is the extreme version of that where all of a sudden it becomes a TV show that's happening in real time but I was like crawling out of my skin watching it thinking about what would you do

so again no spoilers, but her current boyfriend, she's like, he's so vanilla. And she goes and meets up with her ex and nothing ends up happening. But she shit talks her current boyfriend at her therapist and then meets up with her ex. If you sat down and you saw that the first 10 minutes was your day at work and then you knew what was coming, what the fuck do you do? Because you got to – in the beginning, you'd be going, this is – what the fuck is going on? This is my life that happened. And then as soon as you realized what they're about to see, you got to start going, oh, well, that didn't happen today. No, no, no, no, no.

Work went great. I didn't fire anybody. This started no, no, no, no. Work went great. I didn't fire anybody. This started out weird. It's her face. So that's what's weird. It's a girl. It's Selma Hayek. It's Selma Hayek.

That's a cool sight. I like that. That's fun. That's good. It's Selma Hayek playing her, but it goes deeper than that. It's not Selma Hayek. It's Selma Hayek signing away the rights and likeness to her face for AI to use that. So there's triple layers. There's an actual – it turns out that even Annie Murphy is not the real – because she's part of the show.

So there's a real girl, there's an Annie Murphy version of her in order to be an inspiration for the Selma Hayek version of her. It's very meta. It's very weird. It's okay. It's like a lot of, you know,

sometimes the initial Black Mirrors were awesome. And then it's like, we've got some good ideas and they just kind of miss the mark because they're too convoluted. I think Black Mirror hits on the ones it hits and then misses are. Which is like, that's the field they're playing in. Well, then I had the weird incident. I was watching all of these and I guess it jumped back when I was done with them.

It went back to last season. So I just saw the Anthony Mackie video game Black Mirror. That's one of the most ridiculous episodes of TV ever. I vaguely remember. It's like him and his friends are fucking, right? Something like that. Well, it's a new technology. So this gets back to normal Black Mirror shit.

It's a new technology where instead of just putting on your headset and playing with your friends via talking, your eyes roll back and you go into the world. And he always – it's a street fighter game and him and his buddy always fight. And then all of a sudden they realize they're attracted to each other's game player and they start fucking rather than fighting. And then he's like, am I attracted to the video game character or the guy running? Because he plays as a dude.

His buddy plays as a girl. Okay. So he's still fucking a girl. Yeah. But it's also, it's this thing you put in your temple.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you feel it as well. So that guy's getting fucked. Yeah. And feeling what it feels like to get fucked as a girl. And I just didn't see it i mean i eventually saw where it was going but then there's a scene where they meet up and he's like they're in the rain in the

in like a yeah in like a alleyway and he's like he tried to break up with him because he's married and the other guy doesn't want to break up he's obsessed with it he's like you know it's the best sex you've ever had please let's do it again and he's like I can't I can't I'm feeling bad at home I'm so happy I don't like sex that much but bro they meet up I gotta keep walking this way like fuck however you want I don't really care

they meet up and they're in the rain and he's like they're yelling at each other and he's like you know what we need to do and he's like they're yelling at each other and he's like you know what we need to do and he's like what do we need to do

he's like we need to kiss he's like what like kiss me and then if I feel something we'll know and so they make out

and I'm just like what the but when he's like we need to kiss what the absolute fuck I watched that with like my best friend a dude

well the whole time I'm thinking about doing a final work we watched it throughout like the whole season after everyone like gave our commentary

after like that was great blah blah blah and then we're like that was the finale we watched that one and it was just like alright bro I gotta go to bed

see you tomorrow I mean I it was there was a conversation he's not gay dude it's like a video game you have a phone

video sex with your buddy who's a girl I don't know what the fuck it means I know it means you're fucked but I forget we asked him about that when we interviewed Anthony Mackie

well that was so John was like bro that's an old episode we talked about this with Anthony Mackie and I don't remember it so I must have sometimes when John has seen it and I haven't I just roll with it and I'm like funny so john was like bro that's an old episode we talked about this with anthony mackie and i don't remember it so i must have sometimes when john has seen it and i haven't i just roll with it and i'm like oh yeah that part was funny you must have said something about like kissing your

buddy and i was probably like oh yeah that part was crazy not really knows how fucking crazy it was because had i known and i watched that we wouldn't have talked about anything but that i'd be like that shit was fucking crazy, huh? Like, your agent is nuts. Who let you do this? I'm 99% sure we talked about it. I could be wrong. Okay, what would you... Is that cheating?

I guess, but that's because I'm like chicky. It's like, it's mental. It's worse than physical. Yeah, yeah. Well, in this case, it kind of ruins, like, you stop smoking. But also, like, guess what? Every girlfriend I ever had, I'm 100% mentally cheating on you with all my boys. Like, dude, like, at all times.

I'm like, dude, the boys are more fun. What do you want me to tell you? Clarify that. That's what, I'm sorry, not mentally are more fun what do you want me to tell you clarify that that's what I'm sorry not mentally emotionally what they say no I'm just saying

you weren't like I wish I was fucking my boys no no that's what I wanted to clarify I'm having more fun with the fellas it's just a fact

it is you should be having more fun with the ladies I have you had sex with people where you close your eyes and you're really like

thinking about someone else no I've never gone I that always surprises me when people say that yeah when it's like cause I've usually like

I'm enjoying whatever's happening yeah there you know I've definitely had bad sex where I've been like but I have run into that where it's like this is bad

yeah you just fake cum I don't want to chore I don't know oh I have to use my imagination now fuck that dude I'll just I'll be done with this but if so in the end of the episode Yeah, you just fake cum. I don't want to chore. I don't know. Oh, I have to use my imagination now? Fuck that, dude. I'll be done with this. But if... So in the end of the episode,

it's old enough now, we'll talk about it. At the very end, the wife, you know, kind of finds out and it's a whole thing. At the end of the episode, it's their anniversary

because that was a big part of the show is the anniversary was a problem. And they exchange each other these little boxes to put their wedding rings in for the night. And she allows him one day a year the show is the anniversary was a problem and they exchange each other these little boxes to put their wedding rings in for the night and she allows him one day a year to go fuck his buddy on a video game yeah which is crazy enough and then she puts her ring in a box and goes out to the bar and actually fucks somebody i was thinking to myself that's not a fair trade it's not a one to one ratio

how about you get to go get some strange dick in your puss and I get to fuck my boyfriend my best friend in video games like 30 days a year that's not a good conversion every full moon

I get to fuck my boy. Bro, I can't even think of something worse than having a proclivity to that. If somehow, someway, you love playing Street Fighter with your boy, and then all of a sudden you're like, Fuck, this makes me horny. And then you're like, like so do you want to try it dude and like you guys do it and you're both like that was sick

that was so awesome like then what like then cause he's like you know he's not interested in anything else all I'm thinking about is fucking my buddy in Street Fighter gives you a Johnny Cage nut shot and you're like uh oh that felt good crazy shit though uh okay uh voicemails voicemails are brought to you by pirate water it is the drink

of summer be it at the beach be it at the pool be it in the backyard be it in the shower be it at lunch with your kids be it at dinner with your wife, be it at dinner with your wife, wherever you are, it is the party in a can. It is made by partiers. It is made by ragers. It is for partiers. It is for ragers. It is the perfect drink. We have countless examples on this show of guests sitting down being like, what's that?

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The margarita is – We know who else is a margarita gal. She already had her head in her hands. It is delicious. Again, no matter where you are, it is time for Pirate Water this summer. Get pegged. Get swashbuckled. Swashbuckled?

Swashbuckled. Do whatever you want. It is the sun's out, the Pirate Water's got to be out. Sun's out, guns out, thighs out, Pirate Water out. Go to drinkpiratewater.com to find a location near you or order on GoPuff. That's drinkpiratewater.com. Fellas, no fun fact this time i did i wasn't talking to you i love you but i wasn't talking to you uh i do have one ready to rip but i'm

gonna hold off on it for now i have a question actually if you go back to any period of time any historic period whatsoever what weird old disease are you most afraid of getting in my opinion the only answer is dysentery. Diarrhea and yourself to death sounds fucking disgusting. But would love to hear your thoughts. Polio. Yeah, polio. Polio is just like your body.

You just don't. Your body doesn't work anymore. My, someone in my family. My body barely works now. Yeah, but like literally not working polio imagine like like like we've we've talked about this before where you go to the doctor and they say like do you have any like heartburn aching pains uh can't go to sleep at night can't wake up in the morning bloating blah blah blah, blah, blah, and you're like, yeah, all of them. And they're always like,

what do you mean? You haven't, like, done anything for this? Imagine if it just turned out you've had polio the whole time. I'm always like, what do you mean? Other people can do that? Like, dude, that's why, like, it's kind of fucking bullshit. You should work on some flexibility. People, people should fuck, people, like,

like, you know, like, I do life on fucking all Madden mode. You guys – everyone's got it on easy mode. I thought about that before. I fucking – I'm in the trenches every day. The main Black Mirror thing I wish we could do is I wish I could hop into other people's minds just to feel what they feel. So it's like, oh, am I being a pussy when I say like, oh my god, my neck hurts? Like do you guys feel that too?

Or do I go back into my own body being like, I'm a fucking warrior. Fuck all you guys. That's what pain is to you? Suck my dick, dude. I remember someone, I was talking to a producer or something at NBC a while ago, and he was explaining to me what, like, Rodney Harrison does every day to get, because Rodney Harrison's body is just so hurt in pain from uh years and years and years of football and of like 2000s early 2000s late 90s

football fuck you yeah but we have football forehead rules and uh and he was like he's like he has to get up and he has to just lay there for two hours and then he like he just explained these things and like i was just like, check, check. Feel that. Do that. I was like, you're just describing my day. You're telling it like it's a war story. I wake up at 5.30 this morning because I fell asleep at 10.30 last night.

I didn't get out of bed until like 8.30. I didn't do anything. I just laid there. I was like laid there i was like all right like okay like get you gotta get some inertia both mentally and physically bro i i think i got shin splints from sex i don't know how that's happening but the fucking muscle right here i don't know what i did. There's only one activity I did, and the only thing that – it's killing me. Is that possible? I don't know. I'm trying to think how it could be possible.

I don't think it is. There's every possibility I don't do sex right. That's another thing. Wouldn't that be so – like we all watch porn and know what we think is standard and what we think is kinky. And sometimes, I don't know, we talk about it at our live shows and shit where it's like the crowd's like, we all get choked to death. But if you jumped into someone else's body, you're like, this is how you fuck? Or like, this is how you fuck?

Yeah. We need to talk more openly about our salaries and our sex lives. And then everyone can know it's like a union we all need access to like you know because everyone's always like oh my sex life like sucks and it's like maybe it doesn't maybe if you looked around you realize like all your buddies are only having sex like once a month you'd be like all right this is just how it goes and then the one guy who's saying like oh i fuck every day it's like no you're not yeah you know that's that's a drum everyone beats until they go okay well i don't know how to start it you know wow i'll jump in that happened with that business insider guy nick carlson whatever his name is oh yeah with the salary right yeah we all should

everyone's open salaries transparency what do you make and he's like well hang on a second here, everybody. And not me, per se. I don't... My thing is I'm just not smart enough to know... Other diseases? Other diseases. Was Ebola ever, like, widespread? Like, I don't want Ebola. I do not want Ebola. Ebola, you bleed out your eyes and your asshole and you die. That is the worst. You know what is terrible and it's not old school

syphilis I think would probably be pretty sweet not sweet yeah but you don't die from it back then you used to get it and die you know what is terrible Celine Dion statue syndrome she's just like

turning into a statue oh well that one I have then. Yeah, I believe you. Bro, you described me as a statue not 20 minutes ago. I did. That was a genuine... I think you used that word. I said you're a boulder. Yeah, I said statue.

I quickly said no to that because you're not the David. You're a fucking boulder. Yeah, I said statue. I was like, I quickly said no to that because I'm thinking you're not like, you're not the David. You're a fucking boulder. Oh, I don't know. So good. She, like, her muscles and flesh and I don't know exactly, but, like, you eventually just lose

all mobility and they just straight up call it statue syndrome come on I just did a half hour presentation on how I have statue syndrome you're working out you jump rope you'll get there I'm not saying I'll have it tomorrow

but it feels pretty statue like on this side of the room. Ebola is a real tough one. I'm going to check bad diseases. Yeah, like worse. Because I know there are ones that are long-term, like slow pain and all that kind kind of shit leprosy still a thing yeah that would be bad that would be bad most painful terminal diseases yeah ebola ebola is right up there dude ebola. I'm getting a lot of smallpox here. Pancreatic cancer, I guess, really sucks.

Who knew? Ebola, hemorrhagic fever. I think your temperature just goes to like 150. Let's see. Have you guys ever had something that you thought was eradicated and then the doctor told you like you got scarlet fever and like on the Oregon Trail? Scarlet fever is not eradicated though.

I think that's – Yeah, no. Well, I had it. That's how I found out it was still around. Yeah. Oh, you thought it was eradicated. I thought it was gone. I thought it was like Oregon Trail shit.

Right. It was gone. I thought it was like Oregon Trail shit. Right. It was awful. Uric acid develops and you get severe gout and lack of muscle control and moderate retardation. Imagine that if you just turned it.

What? Like bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. That's crazy. That one, I might throw, I might throw that off the top of my list. Because it's one thing if you're born

with something it's another thing when you turn into that you know I think there's something where you feel like you're just like burning

from the inside out something like that yeah that one that one that one would be great is that sciatica yeah that's probably what I have right now

alright that's it for voicemails today because we got to get more submissions. So your job is to call in or video in. If you don't like to put your face on it, you can just show the camera or just do a black screen or whatever you want. You don't have to put your face on it, but we need more voicemails. So if you want to hear us do a voicemail section section of the show we got to get the substance for it so if you guys can go to the social media links on instagram or twitter and submit your videos oh my last fun fact also totally unsubstantiated i have done zero research i don't know if this is true but i have heard this fact that they thought that roofing was like really really rampant at the

beginning of like the 2000s late 90s early 2000s come to find out that it's really just like the proliferation of blackout drinking that like it really has peaked in relatively recent time and that people really weren't blacking out and then they were for whatever reason like blackout drinking had an uptick and i don't again i don't even know how you really what went through surveys of the doctor how many drinks did you have or whatever but it was a lot of people being like i don't know what the fuck happened last night and then they're like oh i've heard about roofie. I started posting wild TikToks. All I had was six margaritas last night.

And somebody must have drugged me. Did you see what I posted on Instagram? That was such a delayed reaction from Jeff. Full three-second count. But yeah, it was like, you didn't get roofied. You're just a blackout drunk. So get us some voicemails. And we'll make it happen next episode. Let's get into our interview now.

We got Raina and Ashley from Girls Gotta Eat. Let's do it. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. The girls we're about to talk to are no stranger to some of the battles that people face with mental health. Girls Gotta Eat are always talking about it. We actually have a lengthy part of our conversation today around the topic of having kids and whether or not you want to do it and how both decisions, having them and not having them,

are totally okay, but that there are stigmas and problems and difficulties attached to whichever path you take. And that's something that you know girls and dads and women men moms dads non-moms non-dads all have to work through that and better help can help you do just that by doing online therapy meaning you can call them or text them or do video calls right from the comfort of your own home you can have discussions about building a family or not building a family and building a career or not building a career and having a relationship or being single or uh you know trying to travel

through life and figure things out uh they will help you do that all from the comfort of your own home where you don't have to wait in a waiting room or go through any awkwardness or deal with any embarrassment even though you shouldn't feel any shame or embarrassment. Some people still do. So BetterHelp will get you through all of that. You don't have to deal with it, and you'll get on the right path at life right now. Find more balance with BetterHelp.

Visit betterhelp.com slash KFC to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash KFC. You guys, we are so excited to do this with you. I know, yeah. This is incredible, this studio. You're saying it too much. It feels like you're lying now. No, it's just so comfortable.

You guys are probably the most excited we've ever had somebody be to come on the show. Now I feel like a loser. No. It would be. No one comes to this bar to come on the show. Now I feel like a loser. No. It would be... It would be... No one comes to this bar. It's like, this is the best! It would be nice if everybody was like...

It's a little dirty. Well, that's what's crazy is like, this is the new studio and we immediately like ruined it. Like, it's just like, we're like a goldfish. You put it, they grow to whatever size you're in.

The boys are so crazy, but this does make me like just understand it's like just a male thing. It's a dirty ass. Like, but this does make me, like, just understand it's, like, just a male thing. The dirtiness. Like, I had a guy send me, like, a photo, and it was, like, sexy, and I was like, ugh, there's stuff on his floor. I get that. And then I was like, that's just how they are.

I was like, oh, right, right, right. You know what it is? It's messiness, not, like, dirtiness. Like, you're not going to find, like, food and, like, dirty dishes, but you'll find, like, you know, a towel on the floor for sure. I think girls can be dirty. Yeah, you bitches are dirty. Like, your girl's bathroom is a little dirty.

Just a little? Like, you go into a girl's bathroom and it's like. One has sepia blood on it. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, totally. Like, there's bananas on the floor. It's funny. There's produce on the floor.

I like to have a banana a day. Technically, you know. I might take one of those if you guys want one. Do you really want one? You want one? looked up a banana technically you know you peel it off I love a banana have a banana eat it in a sexual manner and we'll clip it she's great

she's a little dancer she's a dancer and she's a good one she's very very dramatic i have them um okay every other weekend and thursday is like like a lock and then i usually take him to school one or two days a week and then i go to uh keegan's has two practices a week shay i take shade of dance so like i Shay to dance I honestly probably see my kids as much as some

moms like dads as much as some parents are together if there are parents that travel like a lot for work I'm probably seeing my kids like as much as that you sent him a text oh yeah it was you i was talking sexted him i didn't we sat oh yeah that was yeah that was the no i didn't

send a sext i was like i wish you were cuddling yeah it was a cutesy one disgusting yeah disgusting so embarrassing and you just didn't respond what is one supposed to say there's no win either you're like yeah me too and she's like oh fuck wrong person what if you would have said me too what if what if you wouldn't be sitting on this you know what i should have done back what i should have done has gone over the top and been like i'm so happy you said it like our feelings are finally you know we're finally out and honest and then you'd have to write back like oh that was for someone else I would've been like Ashley what do I do

I know I would've said just add me to the chat I'll handle it Kevin if you shave your head maybe I'll be in right way too much hair for Reina

Ashley does really write a lot of my really serious important texts as she did one for me today girls do that a lot well you need another like set of eyes sometimes you guys workshop everything though i'm glad you sexed your pictures your texts are we recording yes great okay well sometimes i'm also so angry and like

i'm part of the situation and so i need somebody else to be like let's talk back that you guys also know i you share all your details so like you would know enough about the guy she's seeing or whatever the fuck you're arguing or talking about. Somewhere in the text, it said, I'm sorry. And I was like, don't you dare apologize. I went on this guy a few times. It was so weird. He really was physically intimidating me. I had to leave a date.

He was really starting to make me uncomfortable. And I said that actually needed to be. Wait, so that happened and then you went back to another one? No. The last date we ever went on on I felt like he was getting really jealous of the bartender he was making me feel like a lot

no personal space he'd be really aggressive and I had I like faked this phone call with Ashley and I was like I have to go because Ashley deleted

the podcast by accident and we were like Ashley's going why is it my fault why are you blaming me I would never yeah I was like

I gotta go so the next day he said like last night was fun I can't wait to see you again or something I was like I gotta shut this down I wrote this text that was like it I got to go to the next day. He said like last night was fun. I can't wait to see you again or something. I was like, I got to shut this down. I wrote this text that was like, it's nobody's fault. And I was like, it's his fault. Yeah.

Yeah. But you know, what's, what's so funny is when I hear women talk about how they're not going to talk. You could have just stopped there. What's so funny is when women talk. Like I saw like a Instagram reel or something like that. You're not going to talk. You could have just stopped there. What's so funny is when women talk. The audacity. Like I saw like an Instagram reel or something like that. Like, ladies, we're not using too many exclamation points anymore.

And I hear you be like, it's always like it's no one's fault. It's very placating. And you're not going to do that anymore. And I'm always like, that's just what I do every day. I just – I do too many exclamation points. I do too much like it's no one's fault oh i adopted a policy i end everything in an exclamation point now if i'm talking about

that's exactly why i do it like some of the stuff on tiktok is like an overcorrection like this whole like never say you're sorry it's like i say i'm sorry all the time like when you i i hate this whole thing like don't apologize it's like just be a normal fucking person you're late you did something and you do apologize for it apologize if someone's 20 minutes fucking late and they walk in and say thank you for waiting what say you're fucking sorry I didn't work for you

what do you mean there's been a lot of stuff on that where I feel like there's been an over correction don't apologize but like positive reinforcement thank you for waiting I didn't want to you're fucking late right right it is yeah that's that was not like the point like i'm not like i hope hope they're 20 minutes late so i can wait you know yeah but it's just seeing like oh i'm a i'm what a woman is trying to grow from you're a starter boyfriend no i'm a starter girlfriend

this is the beginning of john's transition really ladies we're not gonna do this anymore god it's just my personality i i like once the world of texting became just like life the just amount of mix-ups that can come across with tone i was like i'm just gonna put an exclamation point at the end of everything if i'm if i'm if i'm just happy or standard or whatever rather than just writing yeah you should start all right voice notes yeah and voice notes you there's no voice note there's no mistaking the tone and a voice note so i send them a lot when i'm gonna say something a little pro voice note okay i was wondering if guys are voice noting at

the level that women are right now noting is like texting back in like i don't know early 2000s or whatever people like you're gonna write text messages to everyone? That's crazy. I love it. I'm a real voice noter. I fucking phone call. You're a caller. It's so easy to just do it on a phone call.

No, but. I hear you. The voice note is easier because like, I can't give you my full attention right now. That's literally the one I sent you tonight. Like, I can't give you my full attention right now. So while you're talking, I'm supposed to be listening. But like, my kids are crawling on my head and the TV's on and this is happening. But what I can do is like, listen to it and then give you like a 30 second response of attention. It's the, it's the in-between-ness of the phone call that is hard sometimes.

It's, it's, I've basically gone completely from texting. I like, not that I won't text. We text in our group chat here with work stuff, all that. I do not text friends anymore. What? I do not, like...

None. No. We just... Overcorrected. If I have someone to talk about, I call you, we talk, and then we're done. I don't hate this.

It is insane that we're just always... Because then when you're always texting, you don't have anything to talk about. Once you start talking, it's like,

I've told you fucking everything in my goddamn life. Yeah. I think the problem becomes, I think there are certain things that are text-worthy and call-worthy. And when you're calling me with something text-worthy,

I'm like, I don't know. Don't waste a phone call on a text. Because again, I needed to stop what I was, if I'm doing nothing or whatever, I have a ton of free time, then fine. But like if I was doing something and then I'm stuck – I got a call from my buddy the other day and he's notorious for doing this. He's like an idiot. He's my best friend but he's a fucking moron.

And he called me like pretty early. It was like 8 in the 8 o'clock hour in the morning and I was like, so something is up or wrong or whatever. And he just goes, I just – I smell these days. I just – I think I'm starting to smell like i take i take a shower i get ready and by the time i get to work like i have bo and i just don't and i was like are are we done here goodbye goodbye i need to fucking but but if he texted me like yo i think i like start just i'm having like dad smell i'm starting to get old i would have been like ha ha like that whatever and then i completely disagree with everything you just said well i had to sit there

and start i needed to get up and get a shower and start moving and instead i was just sitting there i was like what am i doing right now you're just wasting my time listening to your fucking stupid story about your airpods what you're describing just walk around this is i'm having a bit of a brain-blowing moment right now what friendships friendships used to be. No, no. We're just fucking podcasts. That's a story I'd tell you on this. Yes. And you'd be like, what?

But I blocked out. I just fucking stink now. I blocked out two hours for you. That's how friendships used to be. Yeah, you met at the bar. You told stories for two hours. Yeah, but you guys get paid to do this with each other. You are paid to listen to the voice note.

Friendships as a whole got away from that. That's how you had friends. That's how you were. And that's totally true. I used to live with this guy, and we would talk like that for hours. And he is actually one of the guys. What is weird is I will be like, yo, did he call you? Or I'll tell a story.

He called me at 8 a.m. And they'll be like, he called me at 9. And he called me at 10. What's the same story? I'm like, what do you do? Do you just call us all day long. Like, cause everybody in the group had a phone call with him that day.

Like, do you have a job? Do you have a life? Okay. What? You know what? He's trying to keep in touch. This is a real insecurity.

And you just blew him off. What if he's like, I'm, I smell in this. I'm like, no, no, he's an idiot.

He's a, he's a, if it totally like, if, if you know, you have a friend, like who you would like listen to and a friend, you'd be like,

shut the fuck up. Cause if I called Raina, I'm like, Raina, like my pussy smells. I'm like like i don't know what to do i got this guy coming in town i don't know what i'm gonna do but you would laugh at first yeah and that's what the voice notice for so you can listen to me laugh about it actually sent me this thing yesterday i was driving to the gym and i like she sent me this thing i opened it up and i drove past the gym for like one block because I was laughing so hard and I just wanted to like share the chuckle with her so I was like left her a voice yes I just like left her a voice so she could hear how hard I was laughing about it

and then we went back and forth on voice notes for like a while sometimes you want to like ruminate I was like shopping I gotta put my phone I didn't have I didn't it's like what you said it's not time I can't do the whole you know what is funny you're upset phone call but not but not you're also right a phone call where somebody can't respond it's amazing you just get to like get it all out and then they can respond it's a phone call like when you're on the phone and you're like hang on one second i'm like i'm checking out at the register but it's like if i'm doing a lot of that shit so if every second i was like hang on hang on hang on hang on would be like, let me call you back. I do understand that because there are times

when someone's doing something else and I'm like, I can fucking... Also, earphones just pick up the weirdest noises where it's like, what the fuck? Are you in a war right now? A lot of times. I think there's a fire truck two avenues away. The headphones, the earbuds, AirPods, whatever,

I feel like I'm yelling because it's like a lot of background noise for you, but you're fine. Well, then also, Rainina one thing i've noticed you're you save them no not on purpose what do you mean that's like a default setting it always says reina saved this i'm like what is she trying to do with these i know that that freaks me out a little bit too oh i don't do it on purpose so it's all i bet it says that for you too i'll tell you what i did find the other day though you're gonna love this So we've been doing this bit on stage. I met this guy.

I fucked him all night. I was all fucked up. I let him stick a butt plug in me. It was probably used. I don't know. It was his butt plug? He pulled it out of a drawer. It wasn't in the packaging.

We'll talk about that in a second because you guys are the experts on butt plugs. Yeah, we are actually. We designed our own. And I left Ashley. She asked me if I wanted to go to the Eagles game game what like seven in the morning and i sent her a voice note back and we do this on stage we talk about ashley since the first voice note i ever sent her and i'm like all fucked up like and i found the voice note really yeah this so rain had never sent me a voice note in our entire friendship till like this past fall and i wake

up i was up early for some reason my brother had been like hey you want to go to eagles game tomorrow i was like yeah let me see if rain wants to go he was like we have an extra ticket so i ask her and i get a voice note back in response i'm like something's up because she's never voiced out of me and it's eight in the morning and the voice note is like hey girl i'm just getting home like she's getting back from war I've been up all night doing butt stuff and I was like what so first of all our whole friendship she never sent me a voice memo and never done butt stuff and I was like what is happening

who is this I was just like what is actually happening the thing you said earlier there where you said the used butt plug I had a situation like that once where i was hooking up with a girl and i i was like you wanna use a butt plug and like this is like my first time i've ever had sex with this girl like i kind of knew her but like never had

sex before and i was gonna use a butt plug and she was like yeah uh is it is it used? And I was like, no. And it really wasn't. Which I think is weird. You just had a fresh one laying around? Yeah. She was like, okay, cool. And I was like, I understand this is weird. It's actually new.

I got a ton of them. When you're on Amazon, you just throw it in the cart? I had recently broken up with a girl and we'd had it, but we never used it. Got it. I was like, I'm not saving this for anything anymore. And I just had it. But, like, that would – I'd be like, actually, I think I'd rather have it have been in someone else's ass if you just have butt plugs laying around. That is a little sad.

Here's the thing. You know what's used? My dick. Like, that's been in the holes, too. You've washed that since. Yes, I get that. So I'm saying, like, if you pull, like, a literally unwashed, like, dusty from the bedside table, I get that's gross. Yes.

But if it's just a toy from your past relationship. It's been washed, yeah. I'm down. Like, you're cool with it? I think this is, like, a hot button topic and people have like different opinions about it but i'm with ashley i feel like if somebody washed it well i wouldn't like but i would use the same toy with a guy totally clean yeah there is no reason other than just like your own i agree you have a problem with the i get it i like there is no problem but i could see i use people just okay i use forks in my

mouth at restaurants no but that's hundreds of other people have used and you wash it. Wow. Great example. By the way, you just trust that they wash it. I just trust that they wash it. I think it's more like – it's like, oh, you used to do this with the other girl. We're grownups.

That's how life is. We're not all virgins. I've used this toy with other guys.gins you know I've used like this toy with other guys do you care and I was like now I think now I do

now I'm afraid of my back say it yeah right right yeah like every time

someone's like you're pinching me with this thing oh great every time you took your pants off you're like just so you know

I've used this pussy with other guys just so you know I fucked someone else last night like alright what the fuck dude this one he fucked this thing right here but i guess it's also like you said i think it's different if if if a if you pull out your toy that other guys have used on you that's your toy right whereas it's like if if you were if if i feel where it gets weird is if you date somebody if a guy dates a girl and they have a toy that they use together and then she's gone and that toy stays it's her toy yeah that you use on her i

don't know as opposed to your toy that he uses on you maybe it's byo toy yeah you just crack open i'm going to his house i'm like i'll bring the toy yeah well i don't i don't need to get into your collection you'll bring it actually i have a sex toy company people can buy as many as they want from our there you go what you do is buy multiple because you're gonna need you know one for this girl one for this girl one for that guy one for that guy so everybody gets so funny a guy just has a bunch of sex toys you're like this he's like that's i mean you i have a i have a fucking uh literal pillowcase filled with shit like goddamn santa claus like throw it over your really just

from like over the years just like accumulating shit and you throw it under the bed and you just leave it i barely use any of them if if any of it and then but it's like if you were to see it you know you'd be like okay you go to room raiders on me bro you sent me to jail i mean i have like novelty fucking thing like stupid shit you know you guys get stuff for work no yeah totally that double-sided dildos from a sponsor sex toy What have you gotten into sex toy-wise? What have you gotten into? I don't have a ton of sex toys. Okay, just the fresh butt plugs. That was like 10 years ago.

I don't think in my house right now. You were ahead of your time. Yeah, butt stuff didn't get popular until like five years ago when it started to really have a moment. I love that for you. I know it was the apartment you went to in Boston is that it happened in the one where I live with Sean. Is there anything that you're like curious to get into? I guess I don't know. I don't think I know the world. Well, the male sex toy world

needs to be, we need to start a vibes only branch. You guys, our cock ring that we're designing right now is so incredible and it cups the balls

and it vibrates a little bit. It is the coolest thing I've ever seen. It is so taboo still for guys where you guys can have a whole artillery blast your pussy. Well, I just don't know

what guys... If a guy has blast your pussy. I just don't know. If a guy has a fleshlight or a rubber pussy or pocket pussy, whatever, you think he's weird. I don't, though. You guys probably don't, but you're pretty fun. I do. There's still a big stigma. I've used one, but I'm just like, this is fucking weird.

Also, they're bigger. I think for me, my first sex toy was just a vibrating bullet. It looks like a little flower. Here's my 60-pound rubber ass that I bought. I'm not coming inside. I'm not filling it with a load of cum. Honestly, the clean-up is the worst part because it's like,

well, now I have a rubber tube. I have the worst fucking water balloon ever invented right now. Yeah. I have the worst fucking water balloon ever invented right now some of these dolls though I won't mention any competitors but there's a

company that is like all over Pornhub just like I think they just send these like porn stars now who are just like only fangirls and Pornhub. Just like, I think they just send these like porn stars now who are just like only fangirls and Pornhub models that are like full fucking humans. Like huge size dolls.

Oh, like regular size dolls. Men and women. It's just like, I mean, what do you do with this? It's gotta be like 100 pounds, right? It's like a big rubber fucking thing as opposed to what you said.

It's hard to hide when someone comes over. Imagine if you lived in New York and you're trying to hide a fuck doll. That's so funny do they think they have like a collapsible one you just those people have to have like like this is my sex room and if you come in you're gonna see some things because otherwise yeah what are you fucking do the thing with the male orgasm is it's too easy to achieve to do any like it's almost like like by the time you get it already and set up and do all this shit i could really need a lot of help it's that thing it's too basic to it's too basic like i i have a hard time designing shirts for like we live when we make merch for like players that already have like pasta i can't make a shirt for it because

the nickname is too good and it's too easy everything's like so basic yeah anything i tried too much it's like it's like oh this is way over the top i get the analogy that's like what like a guy's dick it was just like there's nothing by the time you like plug something in or put your dick into something and turn it on it's like i could have just i've been masturbating a lot of work you guys need a lot of like going acoustic and just manual a lot because i just don't want to get too used to the sensation of the vibrator. Oh, you have self-control. So I've been just – I didn't do this for a lot of years and I've recently got back into it.

And I hate to say this because we have a sex toy company. I still like – everyone should have sex toys and we love them and I use them. But I have been just going back to my hands and I really feel empowered. And it's so much – it's like this is so nice. This is what guys get to do. That right there though is just the difference between men and women. Oh, because you don't jerk off and feel empowered? You can all be into sex.

It's like girls can like sports and girls can be funny and girls can like sex the same way guys can. Never would a guy be like, I feel so empowered. It's the same kind of thing. It's the same kind of thing. It is different. Because it's harder to achieve orgasm. No, I get it. When you solve a difficult math problem like i'm a cheese the wordle when you ask you one plus one you go two you're like i'm insulted you even asked me

like that that's how i feel like i don't i don't need this fucking thing i'm like i can't believe you even asked that was possible how dumb do you think i am? I'm a disgusting animal. I can fucking do this. That's the difference. That's why I'm intimidated to jerk a guy off because I know you're so good at like the one thing that you do. But a guy's like, maybe this will feel good. And I'm like, I don't know.

Give it a shot. Let's try. Maybe. We recently got like, actually it was Alan about got sent. There's like a gay podcast. We were just, we just did it.

And we did Mean Girls. This is our third show. Oh, wow. You guys came in hot, by the way, for having your third show of the day i was like oh they're gonna be like done yeah that's how i felt i was i get sleepy we do this for a living guys you know but they uh they got sent a bunch of male sex toys that were like like it's like a fucking sheath like you put your dick in like a sheet i missed out this day and then it like vibrates and like it's like a shake weight like you don't even use your hands oh and so i fucking i i took

one home i actually took it and i had a meeting with my accountant that day so i had a bag of dildos and it was a canvas tote bag and i just the whole meeting i'm just looking at it like don't don't tip don't tip but then i got home and I fucking put my laptop on my chest and I fucking just like sat down. You had a laptop on the chest? I had. And I was just like, what the fuck? Laptop on the chest. So wait, you're laying back and it slides on?

Yeah. Or do you like suction it to a wall? No, it slides on. And it sucks? That shit does not work. It just shakes. And how was it? It was awful.

I like that you're laying down to tell the story. That was just like, that just don't work. I ended up like moving the laptop and I And how was it? It was awful. I like that you're laying down to tell the story. Those don't work. I ended up moving the laptop, and I was looking at it, and I was just like, what are we doing, John? That's the shame. There's a stigma where you're just like, what are we doing? I don't think I need hands-free. There was this other sex toy company.

They have one that's really popular. I don't think I need to lay there hands-free and have something vibrate want to be an active participant yeah i like to grind against i would say i'm a very lazy masturbator but i want to hold the thing against my clit and i will grind against it a little bit i mean if it's what i did i took a thing and i stuck in the side of the couch move the laptop yeah because honestly the the if you have a doll or a pussy you're you're not you're not like masturbating you're fucking it you're like you're if you're thrusting okay can i ask you guys a question that's kind of this is important yeah did i cut you off sorry um are you guys what are you using for like lubrication nothing dry just dry too much of a mess again

it's too it's it's when you finish you have a handful of lotion but don't you feel like if you had a little bit of lube it would feel good it's it is but then it's just so much of a mess to clean up right just like like it's it's actually adding steps to fucking craft macaroni and cheese just put the fucking powder in yeah we don't need to add we're easy man couture months and stuff we're easy mac and you guys are like seven cheese baked yeah but like if a if if a woman was going to give you a hand job like no that wouldn't you like a little oh yeah yeah okay yeah well i'm trying to step my game up sometimes we like to put lube on our toys and then like use it on our

my thing with lotion is like lotion not all lotions are create equal and they can dry up like pretty quick like you want i want something like slick so i'm just like i'm trying to get better at hand jobs this is this year in q3 i think a good i've always defended the the honor of of the hj i think that's a bad one i think yo you got two hands ten fingers and some lotion you can do some more fun why not have it in your repertoire yeah i mean it's fun to have somebody do anything to you like even if somebody's like fingering me it's a good uh like like uh to you. Even if somebody's fingering me. Also, it's a good compromise. You know what I mean?

Yeah. If you can't have sex or you don't want to blow somebody. But I'm hard in the morning. Let's just fucking. Can you come from somebody else giving you a handjob? Serious question. You can? Fuck yeah.

I think people are in their head like, he can do it better than me. But it's fun that you're doing it. It's exciting that you want to put your hand there. You think I fucking know what I'm doing when I'm fingering you? I am mashing the buttons, dude. I got no clue. John, there's one button.

Just go in a circle. That's all you do. I don't want a circle. What do you want? Two fingers. Side to side. Side to side. Which fingers do you use?

I had these. I use these two, but I use, my middle finger really does. I don't do, side to side. Oh side i had these i use these two but i used my middle finger really i don't do sir i side to side oh i go circles and i've been like grinding my hips a little bit you put on just a little bad bunny you feel like i'm fucking you know like get the juices flowing i did it this morning okay see that's also the difference i think there guys will uh sometimes you just got to get the poison out and get your day going and then sometimes like oh i got you know we

i got to the hotel i'm all alone i'm gonna have sex with myself you gotta fuck yourself in a hotel like like like i need to like get to work and i need to clear my head it's like i got you know i'm home alone for for the night let's light a candle candles get some lube i pre-come with myself on nights like that before i come with girls before work what'd you say i said i pre-come myself with nights like on nights like that more than i pre-come with girls like yo i pre-come but like come before i wanted to i'm like oh i wish i had like two more hours i pre i premature eject the other day with myself. And I was like,

I can't like, like I actually, I actually really wanted to continue. And I was like, I'm done. I just disappointed myself. What were you doing? That?

It was so exciting. Self worship. I love it. I don't know. I don't remember the circumstances, but I remember, I guess it was kind of just like too early in the porn that I was watching. And I like when remember the circumstances, but I remember, I guess it was kind of just like too early in the porn that I was watching. Yeah.

Or I thought I had a wife. Damn, I want to get into that movie. Totally. Well, I like when I get myself really wet. You know what I mean? Because that's like so empowering. No, it just, it feels like it's, you're being really able to turn yourself on. It feels like when you vote, right?

The same thing. Yeah. Wait, do women vote now? We're not even supposed to talk the uh before we get too far away from fingering i wanted to tell a tale great where i we recently had a video where uh went viral glennie balls was with angela white porn star you may have heard of and she was like you know how you do a great fingering is you use the palm of your hand and and she like had she like took lenny's hand and she like it's a weird move and she like on

the clit like like yeah and it's almost like when you're driving the car with your palm oh when a guy does a one-handed turn i do have my elbows sometimes it's all about the toes for me okay and so I was like one night I was with a girl and I was like I'm gonna fucking I'm gonna blow her mind right now like no one's seen this before so I had her legs back and I was like alright here we go

and dude and then it just it was it ends up being like like what hold your arm like this and it's just like that's what, hold your arm like this. And it's just like, that's what it feels like. It's just so much skin on skin. Yeah.

Oh, I've seen her. Yeah, she did stiff socks too. For the fellows just watching out there, what are we rubbing? Like what's the process we should be doing? A little tip for the boys. Okay, so I think that there's not enough people who use their palm. So where should the palm be?

So the palm. Bottom of the palm on the bottom of the. No, sort of like. It's hard to do it yourself. I wish you brought your Angela White. Kind of like. Okay. Palm top.

Yeah, you're just like. Do it with your own palm. Do it with your own palm. Okay, just come bring me your palm. Okay. This palm? Yeah. What are you trying? Okay, it's palm. Okay? This palm? Yeah. What are you trying?

Okay, it's... Can I? Can I? And that was two consenting adults. Yeah. Right, it's really... I see... I'm kind of turned on by it, though.

But you have to be the right angle. If I was sitting up, I would like it. It's got to be wet. Oh, so it was... It's got to be really lubricant. You know, I think he's detracting. It was terrible. No.

It was terrible. I almost think it's good for this, through the pants. Oh, no it was terrible i almost think it's good for this through the pants oh i almost think it's like a very good early early on over the pants stuff yeah over the pants like i like to i like to like dry up for a minute oh otp not for a long time but i thought you meant like you like over the pants oh no no no reina likes that though she does those in public i did one the other day yeah it was a lot so we're at this bar after a show in San Francisco and we had like been hanging out

we told this story on the last but I don't know if I said I did an OTPHJ so we're hanging out with these guys yes you and I FaceTimed him or sent him like a voice note he's a finisher story it's your story but yeah we were i was talking

to this guy he'd come to our show and i was like i didn't know what he was working with and i was gonna maybe go home with him and so we were at the club and um i just decided to like see and he's like small hands so i wasn't sure and i just started like doing it but like i'm like really going like full stroke on this guy and i'm looking at ashley from across the room just smiling she looks so happy and i was like why i was like why is her leg up and she's just grinning ear to ear like she was just like i was like what is she doing down there and it like came out later and i was like i've never seen you look so overcome with joy i was so happy i got a great deck a really nice deck yeah good face now uh wait where was this what

city was it it was in california in a city okay you already said because i i i i you're not enjoying the la men right i'm not i'm not really dating a ton it's it's different people have different interests and hobbies there I think just in general I like well the quote that was texted to me was the LA men are pussy so I guess we're just ignoring that we can talk about how guys from LA are great so a lot of them are just very into like wellness and meditation and I'm not yeah and it's taking me a lifetime to just work out every once in a while. So I.

That lifestyle is like. I think if other people find peace in those things. Amazing. That's great. It's just not my lifestyle. So it's just different interests and hobbies. I think I'm like an East Coast person. I like.

I'm interested in like fucking like a slut. And you're not. Yeah. I don't want to be respected too much. Yeah. I don't know. I haven't really dated like a ton, but I not yeah i don't want to be respected too much yeah um i don't know i haven't really dated like a ton but i do meet a lot of guys i'm like i wish you were a little more like rugged yes rugged yes a little more rugged yeah i totally agree with that in my mesh sweater

vest i'm weirdly attractive you were you were slim on like berkenstocks. And I use exclamation points. You look dead. I sound like a bunch of pussies over here. Like Ashley and I were at this art show the other day. And one of the vendors had a knife in his back pocket. I was like, Ashley, this is so hot. How mad do you look at the knife? I think he was like a woodworker. Dude, the other day I bought something and I had to go buy a screwdriver too.

I didn't have a screwdriver in my pocket. Oh, that's great. That's insane. The guy was like, you know, just you can install it with a screwdriver. And he was like, do you sell those here? He was like, no, just like any screwdriver. No one's ever left a screwdriver? Yeah, I need one.

He's like, no, just like a regular screwdriver that you have in your house. Like, no, I don't have any of that. Because I got an Allen wrench. Came with my roller blades. An Allen wrench. That's what my dad said. To rotate my wheels every six months. came with my rollerblades an allen wrench that's that's what my dad said one of the best tools

to rotate my wheels every six months if you can only have one tool yeah I have an allen wrench John are you still throwing up a lot it's so funny

you asked that I threw up yesterday I just threw up like three times yesterday what listen you know I used to be like KFC but now I'm more into you

such bullshit but the throwing up really gets me a little bit it's like I'm not just like throwing up for fun like people are intentionally trying to make me throw up and it's very easy to succeed why did you throw up yesterday they made me eat a bunch of gross shit yeah i i throw up when gross things happen yeah food from the floor you just subject yourself to gross shit all the time yeah they were like i would throw up if if that happened to me too i just i don't do those things do remember when we were doing that show here?

It was standing up at the desks or maybe we were high in the hallway. And he walked across the room. It was vomiting in the trash can. That show was that. Lowering the bar. That fight. It was that happy. Friday night. Yeah.

Yeah. That was a lot of vomit. I actually. We had Steve Owen. This was a while back. And he's medically prescribed. Can't throw up anymore. And then he made me while back. And he's like medically prescribed, can't throw up anymore. And then he made me throw up. And he's like, I'm so happy I got to see that.

I was like, I'm so happy you did too. That was a bucket list moment. Like I was looking into Steve-O's eyes and laughing while you puked. And it was like, yes. Yeah. It's like playing golf with tigers. And you puked with Steve-O. It's like that level.

That's amazing. So wait, you're still East Coast? No, I'm'm there you're in la too yeah so you both moved do you live near each like we don't really live near each other we both wanted to live like i wanted to live in west hollywood and rain i wanted to live on the west side in venice so we're like a long-distance relationship um it takes like 30 40 minutes so you guys don't like see each other we see each other a lot literally i, we record at her. We build a studio out at her in her home. And like, she's the garage area.

It's really nice. So I'm there all the time. And I like going over there. But yeah, not every day. You like having a distance too. No. I mean. I don't want it anymore.

We're together like every day. We have a lot of mutual. All of our friends are mutual friends. And like, I would rarely do anything that I didn't include her in. You just knew a lot of people from the industry. Yeah, we had a lot of... So like when you went out there, you already had a crew?

I mean, yeah. People, I feel like, struggle to make friends there and we really had a lot of friends going in. Like my best friend, aside from Raina, already lived there.

Another friend moved from New York. People just... This happened to me too when I lived in Atlanta. People just started to kind of migrate to New York. And I was like, great, I moved to New York.

I had friends already. So it's kind of the same way in LA. And then it is very funny. Most of our friends are from New York and LA. Like we'll be with five girls and like everyone has lived here at some point or moved from here. Like a lot of people, we gravitate towards each other. I feel like same vibe.

That's what LA is. It's people from New York complaining about how it's not New York. Everyone in New York is fucking better than this. I don't know why we're all here. It's people from New York who don't like the weather. And so they moved to LA and liked the weather but complained about everything else that's in New York's fucking better than this. I don't know why we're all here. It's people from New York who don't like the weather. And so they moved to LA and liked the weather, but complain about everything else. That's not New York.

We don't complain about anything. We're pretty happy. The only thing we complain about is the weather. See, a lot of it's more like lifestyle, like bigger home, you know, like hike on the weekends.

It smells nice. Like I, when I used to live here in the East village, like I would walk out of my apartment building and get hit with like like, a nose full of, like, feces and trash. And I'm walking around my neighborhood in West Hollywood, like, breathing in deep honeysuckle. You know, like, it really is nice. You're already getting soft, because you know what I saw yesterday?

And it was awesome. I saw a woman freebasing while she crossed the street. Me and Rowan were in the Uber, like, on our way to Forest Hills. And he's on the spot. He's like, dude, dude, dude, this chick's just freebasing right here. She wasn't in a puddle.

She was just crossing the street. She was going to work. Just had her tinfoil. Just trying to get through the day. As she crossed the street. We saw that guy. He was laying on his side. Pants around his knees. Scratching his ass or maybe even worse like getting in there and

just a river of piss from his i mean that happens in l.a too yeah that happens in venice you guys just have like they're just like cornered off in their own area like you just drive on the highway and it looks like you know what the highway in l.a looks like it looks like apocalyptic like the tents everywhere like you know like tents everywhere you know in an apocalyptic movie when they leave the cars and they just live on the street the highway is just a mess it's a bunch of cars and a bunch of people who are just like I live here now

it's great nowhere is good cities wise cities just all kind of took a hit after COVID I feel like if you're in LA I feel you like, and this is just me personally, when I hear girls or women complain about New York, I'm like, I get it. You probably feel unsafe, and that's not good. In New York?

Yeah. Oh, I never felt unsafe. Well, I'm saying if they complain. Oh, that's the main complaint? I love, my favorite thing about New York is that I could walk home at like 3 in the morning and just like people around the streets i like that i landed last night i got to hotel 11 i took a walk i got dinner by myself like i feel like la love that my car window got smashed in two weeks after i bought it yeah like before 9 p.m like just eight o'clock at night parked it in venice in the street we went to dinner i come out it's like the the window was smashed in bought it

had it two weeks like so the thing and i felt like this in atlanta to new york there's just people everywhere i know people are crazy sometimes they're like running towards you gotta make a run for it but at least it's people see at least like dark corners and scary alleys and you're just like um i don't know so yeah parking lots and all that shit where you gotta like get you're alone get in your car oh if i can get a guy friend to like walk me in my car even after like a comedy show, I do. Really? It's really dark and like Venice

doesn't have all the streetlights. Like I live two blocks behind Abbot Kinney. I would never walk home by myself. Like I was out with a guy on Abbot Kinney the other night

and he was like, let's stay out, let's stay out. And I was like, I don't really want to stay out. I'm like tired. I gotta take my butt plug out. It's been vibrating this whole time.

I like the butt plug. And I was like, I really want to go home. And he was like, I want to stay out. And I was like, you gotta walk me home first and then you can go back to the bar

yeah and he did I mean I think it's been good like I've dated a bunch like I I mean now I'm talking to someone that lives on the east coast

but I just still like I have I've been on a lot of dates and haven't felt like it's been bad you know why did you leave leave

New York New York you was done with it you fucked all the guys yeah there was none left I can't even go to the Lower East Side anymore honestly leave New York. You're just done with it? You fucked all the guys? Yeah. There was none left. I can't even go to the Lower East Side anymore, honestly. It's like a minefield everywhere.

There's a big red X over this whole part of the island. I'm just tired of taking Plan Bs for breakfast. No. I mean, I wanted a little bit different lifestyle. You were over it. Like you said, the honeysuckle. Yeah, we're like a nice bunch of friends out there. We're just like trying it out.

I think we'll end it back here on the East Coast. I feel like I – I mean I always say how much I hate New York but that I'll never leave it. But I feel like we – maybe we would have tried. If I didn't have kids, maybe we would have tried something. You get to leave here and go home to like a home. I know. Well, yes, yes. tried something you get to leave here and go home to like a home well yes yes but like the lifestyle and the speed at which you live and the work mentality and the all that shit is still kind

of the same it keeps you sharp i do feel like i when i moved to la i was like am i gonna get like less funny and stupider you know like we were just slowing down yeah i mean like you have to be on your toes all the time here i like that that's why i think it was funny here i mean i do think it's like yeah i think we have a good group of friends and also the move was not going to necessarily be permanent ashley's wanted to try out the west coast for a lot longer than me and i've just been like really hesitant to do it i've lived here 15 years and so this i'm just like a dire new yorker never gonna leave there's no other city in the world and we're gonna go for a couple months we got airbnbs and just try it out and see and within three weeks i started to feel like this is it for me and i want to stay and i'm so glad that like we both felt the

same way at the same time yeah it's also like money too right you guys are able to like get a place that you want and live the way you want to live yeah i've never had space i've lived in a one-bedroom apartment my entire life i just never had like any space or if i wanted to go sit outside like i love when we land after like a long run of shows and I could just like sit outside my house. I'm not on the roof

of my building where there's 175 apartments and every five seconds someone's out there, hey kiddo, how's it going? I don't have to talk to anybody.

So it's really nice to have the space. I feel like the other day, I don't know if I told you about that, the, I was on like my porch. I have like a little back porch

and then like there's another, the building next to me has a roof that's just like a bodega. And then the other side of that building is a bar that has a back porch as well. And I was on my back porch Sunday afternoon, Saturday afternoon. And I was just sitting there reading. And shirtless, in shorts, reaching there reading. And I looked up. I had headphones on too. And I looked up. And there were just two dudes who had jumped the bar they were at the other bar

jumped the wall walked across the roof and were just standing next to mine and i was like i was like what's up like and now imagine that in another city you're like call the police but in new york it's like what are you doing here bro yeah what's up and they're like we weren't sure if it was you oh they recognized you god that was the next oh word word word even worse really i just went inside yeah goodbye i was like it's fucking insane i didn't say it's fucking insane all right i'm gonna go inside now and then i was like i had to just sit in my room knowing that they were probably still 10 feet away which was exceptionally bizarre i love how you are because i would feel the need to be like oh my god thank you for jumping on this roof i'm

so happy thank you i love you at some point I'm so happy. Thank you. I love you. At some point. It was like not literally scary, but it was like a jump scare. Oh, what the fuck? All right. I'm not dealing with this right now. That's crazy. It's basically like running up on somebody's property.

Right. Do other parents at school like talk to you about what you do? Sometimes every now and then like my uh my the kindergarten teacher who now like had both of my kids and he like graduated so now like we're done with her you know um throw her out now she's a fan well she she she brought it up but like she brought up like that her her she was like my sons are mets fans so they know you. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, the Mets stuff. Let's talk about the Mets stuff. One teacher said to me once was like, I watch your videos every day.

And it was the day after I did a video about Odell Beckham shitting on a girl's chest. The rumor that that was happening. Kevin, you're my number one news source. Ashley and I send it back and forth. She'll tell me something and I'll be like, I saw it on GameSync. I know. It really is. It's like the number one gossip blog I it's like I get that that is probably the number one thing that people say and I'm like that's probably not good

you're good your deep dives are good like I feel like I get a lot out of it I mean I cram as much as I fucking can into a minute 30 so thank you but I'm like maybe somebody else should be the news source because I don't at jake tapper he went remember like during that like the election where it was just like we were just talking about all those all the anchors on cnn like they were zaddies we were like ranking them like who would you rather john king jake tapper anderson cooper like it was such a moment where i was just like watching cnn so much it was like a wild time it was just during covid too and we just been pent up for so long everything looks it was also just like a donald trump presidency it was like it just it was just constant entertainment for lack of a better word

you know but watch that all the time i feel like during pandemic um i always look back on pandemic and if i didn't have kids i feel like i would have tried to move the whole operation somewhere for a little bit that would have been fun yeah it would have been together yeah even like if we you know everybody was at that point i think was like single and yeah except for me like with the kids so i could have like i could have i don't know go to the fucking bahamas instead of shopping like andrew schultz did a good job of moving everybody to Florida like during that time I had friends who did that who just went to the Bahamas

and they had regular jobs I'm not talking about like podcasters and things like that I had friends who just went and just did I miss COVID so much I was in Delaware just so exotic on a farm I feel like I am I have more space now than i've ever had

outdoor space a yard i got a pool that we just like got running and i don't i don't use any of it i don't do anything i swear to god i i can now i would absolutely be one of those people if i ever did a long bid in jail i would kill myself when i got out i think i'm one of those people who like if you'd like to be around people at all times no no i mean like i i like adapted to that way of life for a long time and now that it's like here you don't have to do that anymore i still do it i kind of live in like one little section of the house i use like i stay i just like watch tv and just do like everything that i always did when i had like a shitty apartment but that's just like watch TV and just do like everything that I always did when I had like a shitty apartment. I just did that for so long.

That is like life, right? Where you're like, well, I just do these things. I don't need all those things. No, but it's like you would think like, I don't know. I could go outside and like swim, lay by the pool. Like what the shit you do when you're like on vacation. I could like do whenever I want. I just talk to any of it. But sometimes it's there.

It's accessible. Totally. Like people get – It's not like a special – Like I haven't even been to the beach yet in LA. I mean, the weather's been shit and I don't live near the beach, but it's kind of like

just knowing it's there is enough or something. Yeah, kind of. You're just knowing I have the pool is enough. I don't need to actually lay by it. You know that I bought a lounge chair for my roof and I put it out there and I have never been back. I could lay out on my roof.

I just don't. I don't understand why people have giant homes that you never go in parts of your home i think it's insane like i moved into this house in la that's like much larger than an apartment in new york but still small by like la standards and the owner of the house was like i mean i'm running she was like i knew a new yorker or like a londoner would live here like just because it's small and i was like but it's just all I need. Yeah. What do I need? Oh, yeah.

Okay, I'm with you. I thought you were saying the opposite. Yeah, like live alone. Yeah, yeah. You know, I have everything I need. Right. Like, I just don't – it's so weird when people have literal homes that are like wings or never – what's in there?

Like these – like the Jay-Z and Beyonce house. That's what I'm talking about. It's fucking insanity. It's insanity. What's the actual point? I think it's probably going to be like tax evasion and money laundering. But it is really crazy. 200 million dollars into it actually i know this person who's very famous and very wealthy and like you'd expect them to live in that house because they

could probably afford it we go to their house it's beautiful but it's not like who can afford a 200 million dollar house that you know that's not a changeable oh you're talking about jay-z and beyonce i'm saying the house that i'm talking about it's a stunningly beautiful big house but like there's a couple people in it. He's like the – we can tell you who it is after. But he's like rich, rich. Like so – The richest.

And it's just the house is like normal. I'm like, what? It's so nice to see. Yeah. You know? Like I mean my situation is weird because when my kids are with me, it's like two kids and all their shit and they're running around. Totally.

They're playing in this room and they have their rooms. Kids are different. But then when they're not around, I'm like it just you know there's a big fucking place now but not nothing going on you know what i mean but it's kind of crazy i'll get like my brother had a baby my nephew is he's turned about to turn eight months but like it's just shits everywhere like you need to double the space and and like i mean i feel like when if if I was still married, it would be like we have to clean up and we got to make sure the house is like by the time I clean up all their shit, they're back at my house making a mess again. Yeah. I just don't do that.

It's the Golden Gate Bridge. There's always painting. It's just constant forever. It never ends. You got like a playroom. It's a whole thing but again go back to the very beginning like if my kids like spill their food and like when they were little kids with like diapers and shit i kept that clean if like their toys are on the ground i do not you have to just let it go i do not fucking care yeah um that's why i can't have kids because i can't let anything go in my house

i'm crazy um john do you want kids what's up do you want kids no What's up? Do you want kids? No. Oh my gosh, I love you so much. That's why I'm more of a fan of John. We were talking about this with the out and about guys the other day. I'm not going to give a sec to me. Maybe my mind will change one day. I keep thinking that and it keeps not. How old are you? 34.

I'm not of the ilk of your mind will change. And Ashley and I hate when people say that to people. When somebody says like, I don't want to have kids kids it's so insulting when somebody says you'll change your mind because when somebody tells me they want kids I don't tell them you'll change your mind but I do think there's a good I think there's a good amount of girls who say they don't want kids when it doesn't look

like they think they're going to have them because then when they meet the right person they're like immediately have kids I've never wanted them like ever once. It's a fear of mine to actually fall for a guy that wants them. Really? Oh, my God.

I mean, just – I understand that as well. You kind of start to, like, walk it back. But no, I mean, I never have. I'm actually looking forward to one day having the fight that they always have in movies where it's like, I always told you I didn't want kids. Your mind changed, not mine. Yeah,'t ever you don't have any inkling like no i mean we tweaked a whole episode on this never once like not i have changed my mind you're very maternal like because i have big boobs i'm more maternal than rita because i have some thick thighs but i mean

i guess this sounds silly too because it doesn't have anything to do with motherhood. But it's like you like to cook and you like the house. Yes, but I think that there is – I want to do that for my goddamn self. So you're not insulting me at all, but that is like this misconception that like women don't want kids are these like cold, unloving, unfeeling. Like Ashley is obsessed with her nephew. She's so loving with him. When I see her, I'm like that is the most beautiful bond between like a woman and a baby and that doesn't necessarily mean you want children and that's the way it's the

best my whole back but i want to finish your question so my whole life i just thought it was a foregone conclusion that i would have children i never thought about it i was just like that's what everybody does of course i'm gonna do it and as i got older and stopped saw my friends having kids to steal like seth rogan's line it just didn't look that fun to me and i mean when i think about what my parents had to do to be great parents my dad every weekend picked us up saturday morning we went to the library the zoo baseball games like i all the things my parents did to be the best parents in the fucking world i don't want to do it and that's good parenting to be like i'm not trying to show up to a parent teacher conference on a tuesday i want to drink natural wine and get fucked up but they do want to do it like i just

think you have to want it so badly because it's your whole life you know i see i this is why i think it gets weird for dads because like i don't i think some dads are probably like i want to be a dad but like i i was always just like i will be one because that's just what you do. But I don't – I never had this like overly powerful urge to compel me to do it. I just kind of like did it. And that's – I mean that's a weird – as a mom, you like you have a physical connection for nine months. You birth the baby. It's this whole thing. As a guy, you're like – your life just – you're just like, okay, now do everything different. And different and it's like i don't know my hormones and my mentality and all that didn't change i just

have to like make myself do it differently now and the fun the fun thing is it you i could maybe be a dad it's yeah well i think i might be a good stepdad it's a weird like it probably just wouldn't happen because of how you have to go about having kids but if you could like pop one out and then he's like the stay at home mom, would you do that? No. Also, I'm kidding.

I don't want that. I don't want anything about the life. I don't want anything about the lifestyle. It's like, it's a lifelong commitment and I don't, I don't want it. And, but it's like,

I have all the, like my brother and his wife, like they really want that life. Like, which is so beautiful. It needs to happen in the world. Like, it's just a way you want to live your life or not. I when people are like you'll you'll um like you but you'll be

like alone when you're like you're gonna like die alone at the end you'll have like kids to care it's like i'm gonna fuck about when i'm like 90 and dying on the bed what about when i'm 40 and i'm like rich and single and having fun but there's also why are we worrying about what i'm gonna like be dying of cancer but there's no guarantee that you're gonna see these like my mom and i were talking about this i was in pittsburgh this weekend and my mom was like i don't see either of you my brother lives in london i live in california my mom was like i didn't really ever see my life being like this i don't see either of you ever and like i don't there's no guarantee that you'll ever see your kids yeah and also

you didn't i didn't ask to be here so like you couldn't you that plan isn't fair to me i get to do it you you brought fair to me I get to do it you brought me here but I get to do what I want once I get here but the that happens a lot with like

with like when like the feeling of being with kids I just get like when I see a kid and I've been around kids I love

and or at least I'm supposed to so I say that but like you know like friends kids and shit like that and like it's fun like they're like ah let's play it I'm supposed to, so I say that. But, like, you know, like, friends, kids, and shit like that. And, like, it's fun. Like, they're like, ah, let's play.

And I'm like, this is – within three seconds, I'm like, this is so goddamn stupid. I don't want to do this. You don't even like playing with kids at all. Oh, my God. That's the thing. That's not what – you know, you don't spend your free time as an adult, like, playing on a playground. So now all of a sudden you're supposed to do that. And I just said this last podcast so i'm repeating myself but like you you feel fulfilled you feel um what's the other word

they use sense of purpose purpose all that shit but it's like but it's not fun it's not enjoyable i know i'm just trying to fun all the fucking time i will say i mean my nephew like i could cry right now i miss him. I love him so much. He like lives in my soul. Can he like talk? He's he's starting to maybe talk. He's crawling. He's seven and a half months.

Like, but you're like, you're not like, what do you want? But I'm I'm obsessed. But it's weird because I feel like that it goes either way because he's perfect and he's the cutest baby I've ever seen. He's absolutely perfect. He doesn't cry. He's like perfection. They know they're very lucky. But a lot of women would be like you know what this is

it it makes me i'm feeling some type of way that i want this and for me i'm like it nothing it validates even more that this isn't right for me because you're seeing the best it could be but i just don't feel it i love him and i love being an aunt is this incredible thing that's like a like that means don't do it. A hundred percent. Because the amount of people – It just validates what I already knew. Like there's a lot of shit that people do because they're supposed to like live a certain life, get a certain job, live in a certain town.

Yeah. But bringing a fucking human into the world when you don't really want to do it is a bad idea. How do you even do it if you don't want to so badly? Because it's around the clock constant, especially for the mother. It is. Like it takes over your life. So if you didn't want it so badly, it's around the clock constant especially for the mother like it's your takes over your life so if you didn't want it so badly how are you doing it yeah like if you were like resentful in any way how i mean i guess and people have postpartum and all that and i really feel for anyone that's like that but how do you because it's your whole life it's just

like crazy to me i think that you just you adapt to it and i was thinking about this thing i saw on andrew huberman's instagram where he was talking about the sun and he it was the one time he took a break from the sun he was talking about get get in a cold shower and look at the sun 50 million followers later i've seen this so many times i'm sick of your ass but anyways he was talking he was like there's this study that says and also people were like what study but people really people were, can you just quote this? What study? But he said that people without children are happier than people with children. And then the people in the comments went berserk saying, people don't have children to be happy.

They have them to find fulfillment and purpose in life. And I will say, I feel like Girls Gotta Eat is the greatest purpose in my life. I have never felt more fulfilled. I feel like Ashley and I raised all these daughters. I do. I feel like we've really left our mark on the world. And that's my purpose in life. A thousand percent.

There's so many ways to have purpose in life. It's crazy to think that kids are the only way to do it. I respect people who say they don't have kids. I can watch a TV series in a night that's my fulfillment hell yeah but i love that people want it so badly they're like my my brother and his wife are meant to be parents it's so beautiful it's like really special to watch it just is like makes me realize we're all so different what about let's say you know they say like um i don't know if i believe this but i've seen people say that the first person to live to 200 is is like being born right now yeah if and let's say we could change the

biological clock do you think if you lived like your life and your career till you were like 60 and then could have kids so like you get like a full i like that question you know like maybe well i'm like old and can't crawl around on the floor but you wouldn't realize like you get like a full i like that question you know like maybe i'm like old and can't crawl around on the floor but you wouldn't realize like you wouldn't the idea is like you could like if everybody if we're living longer and like everyone's healthier try a new lifestyle totally fantasy obviously okay but like i think part of it is the biological clock thing kicks off right when you're like hitting your stride in your career and starting to make money and you want to travel and then it's like you got to shut it all down yeah but if you could do that for like 10 20 more years and then still have kids, would you –

So it's never been about the career or anything for me. It's just genuinely no desire or want or like nothing's appealing. Ashley, is that Michael Jordan meme? Fuck those kids. Fuck them kids. Okay. I would like to answer and I think I would do it. I'm also not 100% on having kids.

There is a probability in the world that I meet a person and I'm just like I want to be a parent with you I don't foresee it really happening but it could but yeah if I could do it at 60 and just hang out and be like as useful as I am today problem like oh okay you shut down your career you shut down your fun to do something to do what else what am I doing I'm 60 right and I love the idea of like going like when if you could get them at the age of like nine or ten when they're doing fun stuff you could have cool parent stuff to do right before puberty see here's the thing what stage is good what is it great name and age that's like not problematic in some way five middle early middle school high school forget it nightmare nightmare for smell boys are like gross.

Girls are bitches. But girls, see, today I just, I feel for people. I'm having a good time right now. Right now it's pretty fun. Seven and six for me. Yeah, before social media gets in their head and all that kind of stuff. And they're like, you know, dancing and playing baseball and asking silly questions and fucking around. And it's like, but they're also like expensive and a hell of a like, they're hard.

But, but as far as like them. Like five to nine feels perfect. I love watching his kids on Instagram. I love your kids. I will say like going to baseball, like Little League with my son is something that is higher, whatever, blah, blah. Like I feel better doing that than I've ever felt better doing anything. My dad's favorite thing he's ever done in his life is go to Little League with my brother. We just went every week.

But I've always said, I think Little League, when you're a boy, is like, for me, I think that there's a period of time from maybe a little bit past Little League. It's before you start drinking and trying to hook up,

but you're old enough to ride your bike and leave the house and you have a little bit of autonomy and life is just bliss. And I was a little boy. All I wanted to do was ride my totally and play video games and play sports and you're not worried about girls or booze or partying if i could just stay right there so when my kid is in that like it's early for that but like a little bit of that i'm like yeah this is

yeah that's pretty awesome and we grew up in like a great time like did your parents like watch you or just let you like go we were pretty everyone's pretty relaxing i talk about this a lot time like did your parents like watch you or just let you like go we were pretty it was pretty relaxing i talk about this a lot of like this like my brother and i even talk about how like lucky we were we would just like get on the bike like get on our bikes ride around and like come home before dinner and it was it felt like safer and it was just a different time but yeah we would just i'm i kind of look back at i just wouldn't fly today like the ages that we were allowed to be alone and then like let's say like how i would set out to like when you were like four years old would your parents just leave you alone in the house oh no not at the house no but like we lived in like is that you leave your

four-year-olds alone oh no you got left alone if i left my four-year-old alone i would get like child protective service called i mean i'm not even alone at four but not is that allowed time how long 40 minutes like two hour an hour 40 minutes in like a crate no i had free reign of the house i would tell them what you used to do no they put them in the car the saddest sickest thing in the world is this are you it was are you do you have a traumatized child oh yeah heavy oh really i don't think a lot of sexual abuse a lot of trauma people will be like

what the fuck I'm like oh it's funny it's funny but the it was funny it's funny though it's all jokes

what are you about to say the when my mom this came up the other day for some reason and oh Kevin was when he can leave his kids alone and

when I I was like four-ish I'm not sure the exact age but i know my little sister who i'm two years older than was still in a in a um like a fucking push cart like a stroller stroller not a push cart a shopping cart you know and uh and my mom would be like i gotta go to the store and then she's like i'm gonna get you ready to be alone like you get you ready she's like you know i'm gonna tell you where i'm going i'm going to this place called db mart which is like it's about we always called it a mile away on our bike so it's roughly a mile away and she's like i'm going to db mart i'm walking with hannah i'm gonna walk her

to walk db mart we're gonna get some food some snacks whatever and then we're gonna walk back we'll be back in like an hour you're gonna be alone and I was like all right word and they would leave and I would watch them I could picture like it's actually the window my dog is just no like I'm picturing a dog like watching you leave like yeah yeah I would sit in the window and I watched them and then once they got past I feel like I'm going to cry. Put your mom's seat in the window. The final line, you'll cry. Then they got past the trees. I feel really emotional. These little kids.

What happened? John, are you okay? Once they got past the trees, I would be like, okay, they're gone now. And then I would go over there. I had steps right in front of my front door. And I would go and I would just sit on the steps and wait for the door to open. No, stop. John. But not for the doorknob of his mom returning.

I was waiting for someone to come take me. Like fear that someone else was coming in the house. Good, this is really sad. No, it's funny. It's a funny story. Laugh, won't you laugh? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. My childhood was funny and fine.

No, you're right. I'm sorry. You're trying to work through this with comedy and I should be laughing. John, that's hilarious so funny your trauma that you thought your mom is an icon more mom should be like her okay i am gonna see your story and raise you my dad was a single dad my parents operated i was four and my dad my babysitter at my dad's house was law and order svu so i really like learned

about like sexual assault as like a young kid and then by the age of like 8 I couldn't sleep through the night I was so terrified but I couldn't tell my mom this is what I was watching this I was she was gonna get mad at dad and I wasn't gonna let him go there anymore and he had the good snacks and so I was waking up in the middle of the night and sleeping at the foot of my bed

of my mom's bed until she woke up in the morning and then I'd like slither out of the room and that's my laugh oh my god this shit is wild little scared scared kids makes me sad but i like wasn't scared like i don't remember having fear i was terrified i just remember being like, okay, they're gone. I don't see them anymore. Now we wait. It was just like that's what I did. I could not even fathom leaving my kids alone for more than like 30 seconds right now.

The world is just so different now where it's like, yeah, used to come home when the lights come on. I mean, if my kids just disappeared for a couple hours in the neighborhood, I'd be like, they're kidnapped. Right. Of course they call the police i had a guy i have a guy friend he was visiting here um and he has two kids and they're maybe like five and nines like that something around those eight and he left him in the hotel and like went to drinks and he was like i was like are they they're that's what if there's a nine-year-old and that's fine right i think he felt like they were in a hotel think about like you say that i was like if a nine-year-old walked in here right now you'd be like that is a helpless moron okay but if i was i was nine my brother's five i was more afraid we talked about this i was more afraid i was going to touch something on the mini bar and bankrupt the family my mom was, do not open a bag of chips while we are gone.

I thought the chips cost thousands of dollars. That was like my very first TikTok that went viral was that exact thing. Are you quoting it? I said we talked about it. We talked about it. You feel like when you're an adult and you're like, can I eat this? And here we make tons of money. It's like we can can afford it but something about your family is put in your head that's gonna just put us into debt i still worry about money now i i'm better financially than i

ever dreamed i would be and i still like don't touch the minibar just for it's not like that because i'll be reckless about like some shit but i'm still just like these pills are piling up and like it's gonna be expensive and i'm like why i don't know kids yeah yeah i guess so fucking kids man don't have them don't do it don't do it the only thing i do is throw marshmallows and go to wait do you have a girl and a boy yeah okay that was two girls no a girl and a boy? Yeah. Oh, okay. I thought it was two girls. No, a girl and a boy. Girl and a boy. Okay. Nailed it. Yeah. So anyway, I think it's good what you guys are doing because I think there's probably a lot of girls who are like, we need somebody to say that.

Yeah. I mean, we- You don't have to fucking have kids. I don't think more guys should say no, by the way. I think so many guys kind of get like bullied into it. I actually am seeing more men a lot saying like, I could go either way. Yeah. Well, I think a lot of guys are like, I could go either way, but I think so many guys kind of get like bullied into it. I actually am seeing more men a lot saying like I could go either way. Well, I think a lot of guys are like could go either way. But I think then they meet a girl who wants to have them and you just kind of – the same reason a lot of guys propose.

You just kind of like – You're supposed to. We're like close to 30 and like you have to and then we have to and then it's like if you don't want to do it, don't do it. It's a big fucking commitment see guys sometimes just like do it and then then they're not that involved and like that's a bummer too you know that's what i mean like you're not gonna be into it i watch my brother and his wife who like my brother wanted kids you know forever like be true co-parents and it's really special and beautiful to see and i'm like this would suck so bad if he was just like removed. No, I'm not changing diapers.

No, I'm not. Like it's a collaborative effort. So I think you see a lot of guys be like, yeah, you can have them, but I'm not going to really do much. And then I'm like, there's got to be so much resentment there. I didn't get you a birthday present anyway,

so might as well. You can have this. But don't ask for anything else. That's so funny. I forgot your birthday, but I'll get you pregnant. But I mean, we just, when we did that episode, we got such an outpouring of like thank you for like normalizing this we've got messages from moms that were like i regret having kids it was crazy people were

really like opening up to us because we normalized this feeling that a lot of women have but we also feel for the women so much that want kids so badly and like can't find a partner or having fertility issues like you know it's like the 16 year old can get pregnant after one time and the girl who wants it so bad. Right. Or like, just can't find a partner of man that wants to do it or whatever reason.

Like I feel for them so much and it's just like, it's, you know, it's so touchy. So Ashley really normalized it for me. I guess I didn't really think about it before I met her. I just thought like,

this is what people do is what I'm going to do. And like, she was so steadfast of like, I mean, this episode was her idea and talking about this was, was her. her and like she really normalized it for me and made me go like oh maybe i don't want this because i never really thought about it that deeply before i met

you yeah well really if you think about it we just started letting you guys share opinions and stuff and living your life so you guys are, you know, trailblazers. Yuck. The world's been worse, the worst place ever since. For us. I mean, it also doesn't hurt that you guys are, you know, thriving, to say the least. We raised all these little girls. Yeah, it's nice. And we, it's so funny because we have like more like moms and daughters come to the show. All you got to do is get some sex toys too, by the way.

We brought you some little things. Well, we didn't know you guys were so into the actual toys, so we brought you cum rags and blow gels. Cum rags. So this is for when you suck dick? Is this a... Thank you for coming. It's a flavored blow gel. That's funny.

And we switch up the flavors. We've been trying to do it seasonally, but try it. Don't throw up. If you throw up, I'll try it. Don't throw up. If you throw up, I'll lose it. This is actually pretty good, and I don't even like pina coladas. You put a little drop on a dick, and you just suck it.

It tastes really nice. We're going to come out with a flavor. Yeah, I don't typically drink pina coladas, and I can see myself sucking a dick with this. Okay. Nice. Right? Like a nice little maybe trip to costa rica by the pool yeah have a fucking it transports you let's see what's what's the other uh smoothie

drink that they do at like miami vice strawberry um not pina colada uh yeah strawberry daiquiri strawberry daiquiri daiquiri i doubt i like a daiquiri This is the part of the show Where we all just pitch shit I like that you could be Drinking a pina colada On vacation and be like You know what this reminds me of That blowjob

This is actually a problem Everyone's going to be Taking their girlfriend on their first vacation It's like a little golf towel I'm going to hang it on my bedpost yes i'll keep that motherfucking thing on me my friend came home and she said her husband had hung these on both sides of the bedpost yeah come towels she sent me a photo it was amazing bro there's nothing worse than being like i gotta roll over and i was gonna get everywhere yeah grab a t-shirt off the ground. Keep on the bed pose.

That is great. Well, congrats, girls. Vibes Only is the brand. Is that like its own website? VibesOnly.com. There you go. And it's an app. All the toys are Bluetooth enabled. There's remote control that's complimentary with everything. Wait, what's Bluetooth enabled mean? They all connect via Bluetooth to the app.

And then there is erotic content there but yeah you can you can control somebody's vibrator from anywhere so from super like doesn't have to be no like across the world yeah so you could send your if you want your partner to like take control your vibrator you just send it to them they get a code they have access and they can like kind of dj it okay it's like a fun long very much like that yeah that is very cool and there's i'm still not gonna know it actually maybe i don't like it now that i'm thinking about it because they could just see like like he doesn't know what he's doing and so we had this girl to show say that she had this guy that she was dating d like doing it like controlling it and then later he was like that was one of my friends at the bar what do you say i like i let him take a swing at it yeah I let him take a swing at it it's a little bit like

electronic rape I mean I was just like consent to that dude right I didn't like it I mean by the way that like

if I'm that guy I'm like for the rest of my life I'm like yeah I made your girlfriend call me yes any argument ever

like oh yeah well I made your girlfriend call me right yeah I let him take a swing at it oh my god they broke up

they did break up yeah he's suing her yeah he's su doing it yeah exactly we're involved in the lawsuit are you guys on tour right now or anything we just wrapped the first half of the year and um we're going to take a break for the summer and then we start back up in the fall our first show in london is how we kick it off and then we're doing a lot of west coast shit texas big theater big arenas uh big venues and shit it's crazy and then we end the year for our holiday shows in toronto and the beacon theater in new york and that's it for the year let's go we've already done the beacon

but um the shows are the best things in the world we just love it we did the apollo last december which was like so dope like i feel like they were like why did we let y'all in here then they learned they loved us but I think it was not like your crowd it was like an Apollo crowd no it was our crowd I think that's their whole thing was like what is happening all these white girls at the Apollo but they really loved us by the end but not just anyone can play there

like it was an honor that they had us they were very funny of like yeah this is a little weird they said we've never seen too many little white girls we sold it out so it was the fastest sell out of the year they brought us like a little gift it was really nice it was it was just an iconic thing to do yeah you know like it was pretty dope like girls gotta get the apollo but yeah they were wonderful unbelievable keep doing you guys have to come yeah yes please we the same agent he'll just get you tickets let's do it let's go he's moving to the west coast so we got him oh yeah yeah yeah yeah anyways this is so we love being here so much this is this is the podcast that we've been on the most right

like guests ever i think so that would make sense i would that wouldn't surprise me yeah a few times you've got to be the top you might be the one we've had on the most too and i did i did kevin's solo yeah did you do a solo i canceled that show it was a covid show what was it it was just the kevin clancy show i called it it was just like more like one-on-one interviews people call me fat it was really the angle was really like up under my chest some of the audience over here your chest some of the audience i know worse than anybody i did one one episode of that show it looked like i had a loaf of bread and i remember being like i didn't i don't really look at anything before it goes up and then it went up and i was like what the fuck is this and they were like, yeah, when we were filming that one, I was like, this is not a good look.

And I was like, well, then why didn't we do it? Yeah. It's so funny. And then the very next episode, I had the camera up on the ceiling. So I did it like this. I guess it's a joke. This is my new angle. I didn't get that treatment.

Yeah. You look beautiful. Thank you. Love you guys. And keep doing it, girls girls you guys are killing it thank you so much សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.