KFC Radio - KFC Cried Like a Baby For 30 Minutes Straight Ft. Gary Vider

Episode Date: June 11, 2024

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 00:45 KFC kicked off Mens Mental Health Month by Sobbing uncontrollably 11:30 Ray J Changed all of our lives 18:23 Glenn Powell Got Got with the Cannibal Urban Legend 18:39 Glenn Powell Clip on Therapuss: https://x.com/CollinRugg/status/1799493776899207366?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1799493776899207366%7Ctwgr%5Ef2338885b67ee8a7577f841413c0c72f291aef9f%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fgizmodo.com%2Fembed%2Finset%2Fiframe%3Fid%3Dtwitter-1799493776899207366autosize%3D1 34:02 We're the reason Caitlin Clark isn't in the Olympics 42:59 American Cricket is having a moment 50:36 Video Voicemails: King's allergies 01:03:36 Video Voicemails: Can openers 01:20:30 Video Voicemail: Old Lady V 01:31:19 MFK: Hands, Eyebrows, Nips 01:39:13 Gary Vider Interview 01:48:13 Gary's Thoughts on Katt Williams 01:49:09 Eminem is the reason Gary started selling c*** 01:57:35 Past prime party age 02:03:40 Gary is trying to find his dad who was a con artist +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Gametime: Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Factor: Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/kfc50 and use code kfc50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month. Omaha Steaks: Go to https://OmahaSteaks.com and order delicious gift packages starting at $99 with code KFC at check out to get $10 off your order. Bilt: Earn points by paying rent right now when you go to https://joinbilt.com/KFC. MAX: Season 2 of House of the Dragon premieres this SUNDAY at 9PM on Max.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

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There's a link in the description below. Click that, subscribe, and then come back and catch the full episode. Thank you. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. I kicked off Men's Mental Health Month. Was that what it is? With a bang. What happened?

Yeah, it's Men's Mental Health Month. I, Saturday morning, um i saturday morning i had nothing for the first time like ever no work no kids no sports no nothing we went out friday night and i was like i am sleeping in really sleeping in like really sleeping in. Like I'm going to go like college sleeping in, right? And I did that. And I woke up at like 1045. And as I was waking up, I was like half dreaming, half awake. And in my dream, I can't remember exactly what was happening, but like things were were piling up. And at the very end, I got a stye in my eye.

You know how I get those, right? And I felt it in my dream. I don't have one in real life, but in my dream, I felt it. And I was like, fuck this. In my dream, I just was like, fuck. And I woke up crying. John, I cried for 35 straight minutes i couldn't stop and i was doing that while i was crying it was insanity that's it was like i was crying and then I was like, oh, I don't know. Something happened in my dream.

And then I would stop and pause and start crying again. And then this thing happened where if I would stretch, like I did a morning stretch, it would trigger and I would start crying again. And then I started thinking about the stuff that probably is making me upset. And then I started crying again. It was a fucking sitcom. 35 minutes. No, it was two sitcoms. It was two sitcoms without commercials.

It was two sitcoms without commercials. I literally, when it would subside, I'd be like, all right, I'm done. And then I would start again, and I would go like, I don't want this to happen again you were that's a that's a child cry it was it was i was gonna say the the my previous record for like the hardest i think i've cried was when i was watching only the brave with miles and that was you know, you tear up and you're watching a movie. Like I was, it was like a little kid where I was like. And I had someone in bed with me.

So I've either got to marry her or kill her now. One or the other. I've either got to assassinate her or she's in it for the long haul no one else can know about this except everyone i tell the the it was it was uh and you know it was really funny before i went to bed i watched one of those like alpha bros alpha alpha camps where the guy like pushes and he starts crying and I was like what the f*** fuck this guy and I watched

another one where have you seen the massage therapists that like claim to like these are people who have like deep trauma

and they're like this is where like sexual assault is and this is where whatever it is and they start and that person's never gonna touch me

and that person would be like I forget the movie but like when you touch someone and you see their past you would be like I forget the movie but like when you touch someone and you see their past he'd be like fuck this dude he becomes a villain for the sequel

I've seen some shit man but they say they're like massaging them and they're like they start to like break down and cry and let it all out and I saw that too

and I was like this is bullshit. And I woke up and cried for two sitcoms. It got to the point where I was interested in it. I was like, what's going on? I was like, what is happening right now? I started laughing. I'm thinking about it.

I'm talking about it. And then I was like, all right, it's done. And then I would flex my muscles and I'd start crying again. I started to have control of it. It was like a superpower like, flex my muscles, and I'd start crying again. I could just, like, I started to have control of it. It was like a superpower. I was like, I'm going to start crying again. It was the weirdest experience I've ever fucking had. And so you seemed great the night before.

Well, that's the thing. I mean, you know, as any time anything like this has happened to me, it's always, you know, the straw that broke the camel's back sort of thing. There wasn't even a straw. I was fine. Well, you got a stye in a fake world. Yeah, that's really what it was. In my dream, I had a stye, and I lost it. But, yeah, there's, you know, I mean, I can take a guess at what these things were,

but there wasn't anything like that night or, you know, whatever. But I was just weeping like a baby. The, I can't think of the name of the song. It might be Crying My Lambo. And it's about, like, I honestly don't even know what it's about. What kind of song? What kind of music is it? It's like a pop rock, pop punk, pop feel.

Yeah, yeah. But it's just, like, the guy guy's like i'm sad all the time i don't really care but i'd rather cry in a lambo it's like the chorus is like i'd rather cry in the lambo i'd rather cry at my chateau and that must be a little better i went out to my pool afterwards it was a nice day by the pool it was nice i looked like i i just got out of the octagon i uh i facetimed with shay later and she was like you look tired and i was like you have no idea i mean i was i was like beat up so here's to men's mental health month i didn't even know it was that until until afterwards i was like, well, yeah, maybe my body knew.

Dude, that kind of perfectly segues into something I wanted to say. Oh, God. Well, no, it's this Instagram account I follow, Funniest Stand-Up. Okay. And they post just a lot of clips, and sometimes they'll post podcast clips and stuff like that. And they had one today or over the weekend where it was Bert and Ari talking. And they posted this clip like it's a real like, whoa, can you believe it? Like I felt maybe I misinterpreted the caption, but I felt like it was kind of saying like these guys aren't even friends. They don't even like blah, blah, blah.

Because Bert said him and Joe had a phone conversation the other day and realized that 90% of their conversations have been in front of microphones. And I was like, me and Kev, 99%. 100%. And it's not, it's, when you think of how much you talk in front of a microphone, you'd have to talk all the time off a microphone in order for it to be even remotely close. For us to make it 50-50, we'd have to talk incessantly. We'd talk like six hours a week, roughly, into a microphone. At least.

That would be insane if you talked to a friend that much else on the other thing. Bro, I talk to my friends collectively an hour a week. 15 minutes, 10 minutes, 5 minutes. I add it all up and so like a decade plus uh and and for them it's probably longer of like long long time talking in front of microphone it would be insane and i thought like that that would be something you call a friend about or you go we'll save for the show yeah yeah totally i actually thought about like texting and i was like i will i'm gonna talk about it i mean i think there's a difference if like our show was like a sports show and like we just the only time we talked

was like talking sports yeah yeah like but we do all real talking here so i'm like all right we're good like we do our friendship we're not only when i'm not my conversations with you this is where 90 of my conversations period take place bro when i go home i don't talk i love going home like i'm like you you know I'll listen to my family. Whoever wants to talk, like, just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's shit that, you know, it's terrible stories. I got a text from Lou the other day, and he was like, the number one reason you should never leave Barstool is because regular people are so goddamn boring.

He's just like, I can't talk to these people. So I'm like, tell me your terrible stories about work and family and this or whatever i will just sit here and just let it like pelt off my head i'm good i've started taping my mouth when i get home am i a joke i get home do a nose breathing from the minute wait for real for real that's more recent but's more recent, but yeah. That's amazing. It's honestly to prevent me from eating. That's what it really is. Bro, when the main objective is to prevent you from eating and the secondary is to not talk, that's some shit right there.

I'm like, I've been feeling exceptionally fat recently, and I'm like, I gotta stop eating so much. And so I just get home and tape my mouth shut. i mean you gotta like you should like duct tape i have complete control it's like when people delete instagram off their phone yeah you can still go right but it's one extra little step yeah yeah how long will you wear the tape for like the morning yeah yeah bro we are so weird dude i i don't think anybody could understand can understand like people probably think that's weird the mic the microphone thing but it's like i don't know it's when you're in it it's i never like think it's weird no yeah and even like like uh pat the other day was talking about how you haven't met my kids. And I know that is weird,

but I'm like, we talk all the time. We've had this conversation before too, though. We talk all the time about like doing those things because like, you feel like you have to, and it's like, it's awkward for you.

It's awkward for the kids. What do we do? And so I'm just like, we just didn't do it. We just didn't do it. It'll happen eventually. It'll be fine. They like know who you are and shit like if i showed them a picture of you

they would they would say that's uncle john which is even maybe that's weird they've heard of you it's probably weirder that they would be like oh uncle john we've never met but um shit i had like actual family that i like never met when i was a kid like just family that like lived far away that we never saw that i just don't know i had i don't want to hear really had family that lived far away but again it's those it's those it's things that like i think those people think is regular people think are weird and i'm like ah but what do i know i'm the guy who breaks down and cries for 35 minutes maybe i'm not in a totally normal life maybe i'm not the

guy who should be talking about how you should do things with uh with your life the uh the other podcast clip i saw and and i think this might have been from the same account was and i think again i completely disagreed with the way it was uh marketing. Portray. There's the word. Ray J on Shannon Sharp. Didn't see it. Ooh, that sounds good, though. He talks about how... I think Shannon Sharp asked him something along the lines of, how did it change your life?

The sex tape. And Ray J's like, fuck my life. How did it change the world? And he's like, the world is a very he's like you're not wearing those clothes you're he's like only fans doesn't exist this and that blah blah what about the clothes why the clothes just like i the way i heard it was kim eventually started in kanye kanye like right right there's like that's awesome i completely agree with you and you could do that with anybody and anything but not anyone anything It's a little bit of an exaggeration

But you can connect the dots For sure It definitively changed the world It's kind of like a Kevin Bacon thing Because it's like The gate Once it's Kim Kardashian It opens up to the whole fucking thing

But that probably happens yeah kim kardashian doesn't exist without right she's paris helens handbag holder whatever she was right right literally like her little her little like you know handmade i think about how pete davidson probably gave like millions of ugly guys a chance yeah that's a big one that's a very big one too tall tall was always and has always been hot for girls but like tall lanky and ugly became a thing because i actually think pete davidson i think he is a repeat of the cycle and and i don't really think was first i don't even know i think it's just for eternity artsy yeah yeah that's true skinny tattooed funny guys

but like remember like when when people were like ariana grande is dating pete davidson everyone's Just for eternity. Artsy. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Skinny, tattooed, funny guys have fucked. No, but remember when people were like, Ariana Grande is dating Pete Davidson, everyone was like, wait, what? Now it's like, duh. It was a little, but he's not wrong. I don't think celebrities were really doing it. You know?

I don't have the evidence to say I'm right, but I would think it's happening. I'm sure there was a couple girls stepping out with... Remember when Sandra Bullock was married to what's-his-face? And then he's dating like Bonnie Rotten, right? I believe he's been married, divorced, remarried, divorced again, remarried again to Bonnie Rotten. And Sandra Bullock was like... Sandra Bullock.

It's like an A-list Oscar winner, like proper... Either she has another side or that guy found a new side when they broke up. Dude, can you imagine? Two wildly different people. I picture her like the mom in The Blind Side. Which I watched fairly recently. What a piece of shit. Really?

Oh, my God. Terrible? It's awful. It's awful. Michael? michael rj it's like it's shockingly bad i don't know why i watched it must be on tnt or something like that whatever happened with that story by the way that just disappeared remember we were talking to sj yeah it was like all the talk of the news and it was just just gone makes me think that the family was right on that one yeah yeah yeah um but like when she was not necessarily the way she acts because i actually could see that woman fucking what's this guy's

name jesse james jesse james yeah but like just the pearls and like a pencil skirt necklace and like this very like hoity-toity country club woman that's my perception of sandra Bullock and she was probably not that with him. Bonnie Rotten is like Bonnie Rotten is I think a pretty deep cut. People know Adriana Cechik, shit like that but Bonnie Rotten is for the real beaters. I don't know. She had a run there where she's the woman who's covered in

tattoos and has severe mental issues. But like we're perverts. Like once you see Bonnie Rotten you'll remember her for life yeah yeah but like chick with do you know what bonnie rotten is well jackie wouldn't but do you know what bonnie rotten is he too young i'm gonna keep making excuses we're perverts she's yeah kind of but also she was a big name in like browsers which is pretty as mainstream as you get and then you have to understand there are a lot of dudes who just, like,

check Pornhub, like, click the first thing they see, and then they're done. Okay, so maybe name you don't recognize. The chick with spider webs all over her titties. It's a pretty defining feature. Yes, yes. Once you know her, you'll never forget her. But it's just how many people initially know her. And then who the...

Marrying her is crazy. Yeah, well, I think it's played out that way. I think so. I think that's one of those you get into and you go, we're going to get divorced at least twice. And let's ride, baby. I think one was the same day, like divorce, remarry. Yeah, this is exactly what I signed up for when I started fucking the ex-porn star with spiderweb tattoos.

Big shout out to Game Time. They are the official ticketing partner of Barstool Sports, and they are sending the KFC Radio gang, you're coming on Wednesday, to cricket, USA cricket against India, which is a very hot ticket. And I almost paid for them myself, and I almost bought them on like a other market. And they were like $1,000 each. And I remembered game time. And they're hooking it up with the best price possible.

So the whole gang is going to go see the hottest new sport in America, cricket. They really are, though. I mean, there's tickets that were like $3,000. Really? It's a monster event. Again, for probably a lot of uh foreign people who are here but um yeah it's it's absolutely crazy out on east meadow long island so whether you're going to see cricket or if uh you know you're back in dallas and you're gonna go watch the nba finals uh boy dallas he's the

pick i'm in such a rock and a hard place i don't't want to see Kyrie play well or win, but I don't want to watch Boston win either. No. It's a lose-lose. I mean, I watched the whole game last night. It's the worst situation possible, I feel like. As long as it's not the Pacers. As soon as the Pacers got out, I was like, now I don't care. Yeah.

But to watch the Celtics win. But I don't want to watch the Celtics win, but it doesn't feel like it did in the past where I hate Boston. No, I don't hate any of the guys. And I really like, we can put to bed the Kyrie and Brunson comparisons now. No, it's over. That's over. So whatever, if you're doing that, if you're going to go see stand-up comedy,

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He's chiseled from stone. He had a thing with Sidney Sweeney. Probably. I think once Twister comes out, he's going to take over Hollywood. But in that moment, he had a panic attack and a rush of embarrassment that every single one of us has had. Wait, did he get caught? Well, like, yeah. I mean, people are starting to.

And I use get caught very loosely because he didn't do anything wrong. I mean, he has not, like, no one's, like, said it to him in front of the microphone or anything. But I'm sure when there was so let me explain better so glenn powell goes on octopussy's uh podcast i think he calls it therapist or something like that right um and and glenn powell says you want to hear a crazy story and he's like yes please and he goes my sister's friend went on a date with a guy and i was like when you say you want to hear a crazy story and it starts with my sister's friend went on a date with a guy. And I was like, when you say you want to hear a crazy story, and it starts with my sister's friend went on a date, you know it's a big story.

But he ends up telling the story that we all have heard before and probably relayed to at least one person as a real story, the tale of the girl who's away and studying abroad in Europe, and she goes on a date with a local, and they hit it off, and he's so charming, but as they start to go back to his apartment, he starts to act a little weird, and she gets a little put off,

and he says, can I give you a massage? And he rubs lotion all over her, but then she gets the ick, and she gets weirded out, and she runs home. The next day, the next week, she starts to really itch all over, so she goes to the dermatologist, and the doctor runs some tests, and he comes back to her, and he says, where have you been recently?

What have you been doing? Because this lotion is used to break down human skin to eat the skin, and this is what cannibals use when they eat humans. So this guy was prepping you to eat you what's his address where is he from you gotta call the police and the police go there and they find several dead bodies out in his basement or some shit and everybody has heard that story and they all go like holy shit this is the craziest story i've ever heard and it's always from somebody who you trust enough yeah or it's like, I trust you and you trust that person. But he trusts, he trusts, and it just dwindles down to some asshole who told the story for the first time. I don't even think it.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Way back when. But I think everyone tells it. Because it is such a crazy story. But then when you break it down, it's the most unbelievable. What, you think cannibals have a lotion? Special lotion? Cannibals exist solely on remote islands.

They don't wear clothes, but they have some lotion. Like they would be able to manufacture some lotion. Some fucking facility where they create cannibal lotion? Well, Glenn Powell did say there's some black market lotion. Yeah. Even just, I'll tell you what's even the craziest part is the massage. Yeah. If you went on a first date with a guy and you were like let's go back

to the hotel the apartment even if you were like i'm gonna go home and have sex with you if he was like can i give you a massage i feel like you'd be like no dude let's get your dick out i'm not doing that i've never said that in my entire life right yeah i've had people request massages and i reluctantly give them but i've never been the most anti-massage guy in the world i don't like touching i don't like touching why do you want me to touch you so much you sit on the end of the couch I'll sit over here let's just watch the fucking movie

how do you have sex though don't touch him just like just put your dick out nothing else can touch you I can take I can take short bursts short bursts

of touching but it's funny it's crazy to me that people like being touched I it's I do I talk about it so much do you think I have like this aversion where like if you touch me

I like jump back I'm like don't touch me don't touch me I do I don't do that no I sit there and stew I let you touch me I'm just furious the whole time why would you want a hot heavy thing laying on you well wait what does that mean?

It's a body. They're hot. They're heavy. What kind of massage are you getting? I'm just talking about touch, like cuddling and all that stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I do get that. But I think there's something absolutely inherent inside humans to want to cuddle.

Your brain's supposed to release oxytocin yeah it's like when i when i get a massage or get touched i like i'm like my eyes roll back in my head i'm like this feels so good like i've always said if you scratch my head like you can have the fucking the bank code right now like that's all i need in this world what's that love languages right is uh physical touch is one of them like that is for sure mine. You can scratch me, scratch my back, rub my head, fuck me, do all that shit. I'm in. And you not only... I'm uncomfortable thinking about it right now.

I really think you might have been sexually assaulted. I really think you suppressed it. And it's just locked up somewhere in there. And I can understand the massaging thing, especially because you got your belly button fingered that one time. But even just cuddling, like spooning, is such an inherent thing, I feel like, that people do. A hug, a spoon, a sit on the lap, whatever. I'm fine quick. If we get in and out, fine.

It's the prolonged. You want to do this all night? Well, no, of course. Yeah, that's where. I can't see the TV. Why would I sit like this? Did you see Mario Lopez? I love Mario Lopez, but I thought this was a very telling moment.

Carson Daly is a proud member of the Separate Beds for Marriage Club. He said, I think the key to a long marriage is separate beds. Mario Lopez reposted it on Instagram and was like,

not me. I'm too frisky for that. I'm about that business. I get too hot and heavy at night i need my mamacita in bed with me no wake cards on daily i fuck too much it was like okay man okay that's far from it yeah i think you're telling yourself are you gay me the straightest guy ever. I completely disagree, by the way. I don't think you should sleep in separate beds.

I think that there's a time stage in the relationship where I think it works. I do think it's a little weird because I think it's like a bodily function that you need. And sleeping with somebody can drastically affect that. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Like if you're, let's say you're compatible then fine but if it's like you like it hot i like it cold you twist and turn and i like sleep like a rock i need i'm a light sleeper you know all that should you snore all these things that are like i am now not sleeping at

night we're not awake we're not experiencing anything you just want me next to you while you ruin the thing i need to regenerate my body. Well, I'm the ruiner. Yeah, so that's the thing. Yeah, yeah. Not anymore. I have a taped mouth. Does it work?

I have no idea. I guess you wouldn't know. But like in the beginning of a relationship, I think you should do it. I preach separate beds and separate dinners, but that's like when you're comfortable and you're good. And it's like we don't have to eat at the same exact time and eat the same thing every time. We don't have to sleep on top of each other. But I think that has to be after you're like rock solid. Anyway, back to Glenn Powell.

We've all told this story before. So to me, it's the cannibal lotion. It's the we brought home a baby while we were high on acid. Yeah. That one. You high on acid. Yeah. That one. You know that one? Yeah. Where everybody like we were so high and we were playing with trolls.

We were tripping and then we wake up in the morning. There's a baby in our dorm room and there's one of the one I told the dead dog in the duffel bag and the person steals. Yes. That was the one I told in front of a whole trading desk. Do you know these? No. Maybe it's not.

Maybe the internet is limited. But Glenn Powell's our age, so it's just a generation. Are there, come here. I'm wondering, are there, is this mic on? Yeah. Okay. Are there, do you know what I'm talking about? Like, these are stories that, like.

Yeah, they get told a bunch. Right, but so do you, are there ones for your generation that have been told now that, like, you'd be like, oh, that's a classic? I mean, I thought there was one that was real, but now that you guys are saying this, I'm thinking it's not. Which one is it? So my friend, I was golfing with him before I came here, and he goes to WPI. I probably shouldn't have said that. But he was saying how a friend of a friend that also goes there was like on studying abroad in Spain.

And like he woke up one morning and his ass was like sore he's like what's going on he fell asleep on the beach drunk and then he he said he looked at his phone and there was a video of a homeless guy getting yeah we did this one yeah we did this one yeah yeah and my friend said he had a video of it from the friend and i didn't even ask because like i don't know if i want to see this video wait so did we have a video no there's a video it it from the friend, and I didn't even ask because I don't know if I want to see this video. Wait, so did we have a video? No, there's a video. It was Pavs' buddy who fell asleep on a park bench. Yeah.

And we thought that was real. I thought it was true. We told him about this podcast. Pav's got a crazy story. I've been telling people for two weeks. It's the funniest thing I've ever heard. That's fucking great. So wait, I would like to see if whatever video Pavs has is the same thing.

Yeah, I'm sure. It's got gotta be, right? Or it could just be an anal video. Yep, that's for sure one. I'm crushed now. That would be, that's the latest one I've heard. I don't know how many years that old that is. That might be brand new, but that is the latest one.

When Pavs told it, Pavs was aware of those older ones. And when you hear it, you're like, no, this came from someone I trust. No,

I know this person. They wouldn't, and that person didn't lie to you. They told you a story they thought was true. And then, but I just,

the first person is such a weirdo. Yeah. The first guy was like, Nah, the first person's a genius. I guess so. The first person is

modern day disciples. Yeah, for real. Yo, I'm a genius. I guess so. The first person is modern day disciples. Yeah, for real. I just saw this guy walk on water. Trust me. It's real. I mean, the guy was just like, I'm going to tell my dorm roommate

that my sister's cousin got fucked in the ass by a homeless man on a park bench and posted on Instagram. Did he have AIDS? No. I said,

did he go get tested? He said no. Oh, okay. That was the kicker was the kicker the kid has eight i was expecting that but man yeah it's it's just so funny how much that that type of story will live on yeah forever i told one there's one about a dog sitter uh while they're watching the dog the dog dog dies. They need to bring it to the vet to dispose of the body. And somebody, he has to take a bus, and somebody steals the bag thinking that there was a lot of electronics and shit in it. And I got set up by a coworker when I was an intern.

He made me tell it. He was like, yo, tell that story that you told on the floor tonight. I told it in front of, like, it was a table of, like, 20 people at, like, a company dinner. And after I finished it, he, like, dropped the a table of like 20 people at like a company dinner. And after I finished it, he like dropped the bomb. Like, that's a fake story. And I was just never more. And he's the one who told you?

He's the one who, he, no, no, no. He just called me out on it. Oh. My. But he waited. He'd already heard the story and he waited to embarrass you? So the thing was. That's insane.

It was, I hate this guy. Yeah. Mike Dixon, if I ever find you, I'm going to kill you with my bare hands. I have enough money to pay someone to kill you? So the thing was, that's insane. It was, I hate this guy. Yeah. Mike Dixon, if I ever find you, I'm going to kill you with my bare hands. I have enough money to pay someone to kill you now.

I, I had, we were on the trading floor and I told it to just like, this, like the, like, I was an intern

and I, so I worked hand in hand with the clerk, not like the traders. So I told the clerk the story and he was like, yo,

that's crazy. You got to tell, you know, so I told all the traders and so it kind of like spread around the floor and then we were at dinner mike was like yo tell that story that like everyone's loving like knowing that it was fake and just let me fucking hang myself that sucks it was but also it was the most if it was like a funny thing it was like done

in like a malicious way and i was like literally the intern you know i think he was he was probably like 25 at the time but i was like 18 i think and was like fake story you've been lying like whatever and i was i'm sure i was bright red just being like i thought it was a real story yeah like what do you okay just started eating my food they're real again the person who gets quote-unquote caught there's nothing wrong i'm just repeating a story. Right. This is what we've done for eternity. I do have to give Glenn Powell credit. He says, it's funny. He goes, you want to hear a crazy story? And the guy says yes.

And he starts to tell it. And he goes, I got to get my facts straight on this one. I'm going to tell the story and then I'm going to ask my sister. I'm going to fact check it. So it's like he, as he was like, I'm about to tell this. But then when you tell that and then you ask your sister, she goes, yeah, that's what happened. That's the story I've heard. Right, right, right right and you're like all right i told it right then i i also thought you texted it to me and i really think this might be the first time

that i can think of that like a celebrity like we've told it on a podcast before but like people just kind of go like oh whatever that's people either believe it's real or they know it's fake and they move on yeah But like an A-list celebrity, like the internet, the reaction on the internet was like, oh my fucking God, I can't believe this. This is so horrifying.

It could happen to anybody. And then like one tweet, like 40 tweets down was like, this is a fake story. So I don't know how much like, I said, Glenn Powell is either the type of guy to laugh at this or like strangle his publicist.

How did you let me do this? But Glenn, come on the show. We'll tell some stories. Come hang out. We got a bunch of them for you. But that's got to be that first feeling. Again, it's nothing wrong, but you just feel embarrassed. It's like, oh my god, I've told everybody that story. Fuck!

I feel like such an idiot. Now they're telling the story that their friend's good friend hosts a podcast. But speaking of good stories that are real, we have Gary Veeder on the show today. A very funny comic. His special is out. And he also has just dropped a new podcast series about his father. And him and his dad used to scheme and scam their way through life.

His dad was like a true blue, like, catch me if you can, Frank Abagnale Jr. con man. And they used to sneak into every major sporting event as he was a sports illustrator writer and Gary was a sports illustrator for kids writer. So he was at like the 94 Cup, the 94 Finals, like every Yankee World Series, like everything as a kid pretending to be a Sports Illustrated for kids writer. Wait, why wasn't he just the Sports Illustrated writer's son? I guess, I don't know, maybe. I don't know this fucking kid. I think he writes for the paper also.

I think he writes for kids or whatever. Probably a good point. And his father along the way was like, not just doing like, hey, I get my kid into the game. He was like conning businesses and, you know, he's a crook. He's a criminal. But there's something like romantic about that style of criminal, you know what I mean?

And eventually it got to a point where like it was, you know, his mom couldn't deal with it anymore and they they became estranged and so gary is doing this 10 part podcast where he's talking to all of his family members and all the people that his dad conned and he's trying to track him down and find him which i think is one of like the best concepts i've heard in a while uh so that is out um along with his special and he's on the show today explaining all the stuff it's really really good it was a good interview so that's later

we'll get into our voicemails you got anything else I got one thing I want to say about Caitlin Clark I'm a Caitlin Clark fan I like Caitlin Clark I'm team Caitlin Clark it's also really funny that the reason she didn't make the USA team is because of us.

It's objectively funny. You think Caitlin Clark's at home like, these fucking people won't shut the fuck up about me, and now I can't go to the Olympics. These people who have watched five games, maybe. I watched one. I watched one. And I'm screaming it from the mountaintops every time.

This is ridiculous. It's an outrage. These women are pathetic. I watched one game. It was on at a bar, and I was at a restaurant eating lunch. I couldn't see it. I didn't even know it was on in the afternoon. That was the one game I watched.

I watched Iowa-LSU, the one they lost two years ago. I watched a few Iowa games in the tournament this year. I've seen the highlights. Animal Up, that's probably two games. two years ago. I watched a few Iowa games in the tournament this year. I've seen the highlights. I've seen the highlights. And I'm all up. That's probably two games. Everyone who's using Kaitlyn Clark to project whatever their beliefs are

about whatever are the reason they did it. And I actually think that's a fair reason. I don't think you can panel on... If she's the best player in the world, no.

If she's a borderline, if you're like, well then what's the... It's honestly the same stuff I and many people say about Colin Kaernick was like i don't need the fucking backup quarterback to have all this goddamn drama all i don't need that breathing on my neck all the time different because that's negative drama i think it gets pretty fucking toxic with taylor caitlin clark only if you're a fucking petty-ass bitch. You know, like... I'm not talking about...

I think the exact quote was like, they're worried about how much press, bad press, it would get when she doesn't play much. But I don't... First of all, I don't know if that would happen. I think it probably would. Probably, but we are creating a hypothetical scenario that may or may not happen.

And it's something this girl cannot control. And... Okay, so let's play this out you're worried about the response what what about this response you know what i mean yeah like you're getting the same toxic response agreed except you're fucking this girl over i so i also don't know well i mean everyone who knows basketball seems to say yeah she probably isn't the best the best't one of the best 15 players in the world. But also they put Diana Taurasi on, who's 41. It's hard to be like we're putting the best team out there if you put a 41-year-old vet out. Yeah, but a vet presence is better than – Yeah, I guess so.

So I think they said – I'm going to be clear. I wish she was on the team, but I think it's funny why she's not. Yeah, I know. It is. Like, Caitlin, ultimately you're weigh out the pros and cons. The $30 million Nike deal. Like, you know, everyone else in the world absolutely loves you.

You take all this attention. But it is funny that on that day, she was probably like, fuck all these people. All my fans can suck a dick. But they said, will you guys just shut the fuck up for 10 right just a day just like one day everyone's done that with their fan base at times i've certainly thought about about barcelona fans like well you guys just shut up yeah you're making it worse let me fucking handle it for a second yeah they uh i'm trying to smooth this over and you guys won't stop calling the fucking writer a cunt it's making my job very difficult that is the perfect example like she does not

want a fucking race war started in her name but that's what's going on i think i don't think anybody i think there would be a lot of stupid people who would be like how come you're not playing caitlin i think a lot of people would understand that if you're a rookie on the all-star team for the olympics you're going to play 30 minutes a game. I think there would be enough of both where it's just like, that's kind of how it goes. I also think the other rookies they've put on in the past are playing like the same way she is.

Like three of the, they said three of the previous five number one picks have been on the team and they put their stats all together and they all are like averaging averaging 15, 16 points a game on 40% shooting. All very similar, except for Candice Parker. That girl was balling as a rookie. She was lights out from the jump. But that all makes sense. She's a borderline player, and you weigh everything.

With the X factor, though, being like, I think way more good would happen. I agree. I agree. But I see the logic of the other way. Yeah. The X factor of it being backlash. I think it's those people who don't want backlash. There's like six women on the committee. I think those people would be like fucking getting tweeted at.

You know, you're not mad at the WNBA. You're not mad. It's just like one committee. So it's like, like yeah you guys would get a lot of backlash but you're just covering your asses meanwhile I think I think the Olympics there is a corniness to the Olympics where it is about the game and

global competition and especially women's basketball like Caitlin Clark would be signing autographs for women all over fucking Paris and everybody who comes to see it. I think that's more of a positive thing. I think women's basketball had a moment, is having a moment. And I do think the drama is good for business.

But I also think, like, it would have been better to just make all of this a positive. Yeah. And they've found ways, every which way, to make it a negative. Sometimes it's, like, when it's the other player's fault or it's Angel Reese's fault. Boy, that girl shot herself in the foot. I feel like she kind of had her fan base too. But then that quote about like me too. No, what did she say?

When she was like, I just want everybody to know that like women's basketball is more than just one person. It's me too. And everyone was like, that sounded like an asshole thing to say. She's not wrong wrong but it is like everyone else is saying like there's veterans who deserve the respect and how come we didn't say this about diana tarassi and this and that and then candace parker's like how come you're not thinking about me and it came across that way where everyone was like now you're being self-serving so it is 100 i i agree with the reception of that quote but also like she's what

the number three pick in the national championship national champion that's pretty good too yeah no no she is good it wouldn't be crazy if a number three pick national champion said that like yeah people tune in to watch me sure sure I just think that it's just weird to say yeah and again she's it's like

she I don't know if she's three but she's a lottery pick yeah she was up, it's like she. I don't know if she's three, but she was a lottery pick. Yeah, she was up there. It's just she never, she's slowly letting it out that it's more and more about, like, I want the attention. Yeah. And I don't like her. When in the beginning it was all like, no, it was a healthy competition. But I just think it could have all been more a positive thing.

Like, yes, there will be some backlash. I think letting that worry you so much that you stopped, you deprived, like, you know, the, like, I really don't think I will watch any of this. No, I probably won't either. I think ratings would be, like, severely down. Yeah. I disagree with the decision. It is funny. It's funny. Sorry, Caitlin. Our bad. It is. agree with the decision but it is funny it's funny sorry caitlin our bad it is i i imagine i would just love to think of d i would love to think of caitlin just being like dave port and i

will just shut the fuck up maybe i can make the olympic team dude i was thinking this is kind of a same similar vein i was thinking i was watching the uh french open yesterday. And do you think in tennis, in particular in tennis, because it's one-on-one, it's just there's no field. Like in the championship game or championship match, do you think it ever crosses their minds? Like if I lose, I lose a million dollars. Like when you're in a team sport, there's so many factors. But there's a purse.

It's just me. Well, once you have a ton of money, probably not, but in the beginning. Particularly, I was thinking yesterday, because it was Zverev, I think his name is pronounced, I forget. Zvev, whatever. They kept arguing with the French Open doesn't use eagle eye, because it's clay, so they look at like the mark the ball left and there was one in particular in the fifth set that was like i

think it was the fifth maybe it was fourth that was like really really really really fucking close and kind of turned the tide to be honest in in uh carlos's favor and they were arguing a bit, and he was demonstrative, but he wasn't going nuts. I was like, you're going to lose a million dollars. No, it's because of that fucking asshole. Yeah, yeah. Like, there's nothing else you can put.

Again, in most sports, there's a million factors that lead to everything. And there are in tennis, too. But it's me versus you. And the prize is this. Right. And we know what it is. It's a million dollars.

And again, both these guys are pretty rich. Can you imagine how much you beat yourself up? Bro, I would miss a shot in beer pong in college. God damn, you're better than that, Kevin. Come on. And you serve the ball out, double fault. And it's like, well, that was a million dollar mistake. You dumbass.

Go home and cry for 35 minutes you piece of shit oh and if we're talking about sports uh shout out to american cricket cricket's having a moment i think i'm gonna be a cricket fan because lord knows i can't watch baseball anymore god damn it uh the this whole cricket thing is crazy to me like they're playing world cup cricket games on Long Island. What the fuck is that about? We texted about this a little bit. I was aware that it was happening because, honestly,

I was going to go this weekend, and I saw it was like two hours from my apartment and decided not to. But I thought it was kind of like when Liverpool comes over and they bring kind of the – not the scrubs, but the stars don't really play, and it's an exhibition game, and it's not that. I didn't realize this was an official tournament. This is group play for the World Cup. It's the T20 World Cup.

T20 means you play 20 innings, basically. They call them overs. But the regular cricket goes on for hours and hours. There's been cricket games that last five days at a time. So that is, I think, a part of the reason why we don't really watch it. But they made this T20 version. And cricket purists are like that sucks that's not real cricket but every all the normal people in the world are like this is reasonable it's a three-hour match it's catching on globally and the it's uh cricket's very popular in all the countries that

great britain colonized and so it's very popular in like the west indies in the caribbean so that's where the championship is and i think i think while they were just like coming east or west they were like let's do some games in america just to so the qualifying rounds are in a few different places one being long island and we played in dallas and that's where we beat we beat pakistan which is the sixth ranked team in the world and we're like 18 18 out of 20. We're like barely made the cut. We're like, you know. I like that we're not good now that I know why it's popular in certain countries. Yeah, we don't like that.

I'm not putting those chains back on. But these guys in America, first of all, I mean, no. They're Americans. They're all Indian guys. They're all expats. It's not like we have, you know. I think they're all you know they're expats it's not like we have you know i think there was a guy named aaron jones on the team who's good so i think he's just like a regular dude there's probably a couple white guys um but it's not

like you know we're sending me and you out there um they are all guys who used to play in those countries and came over but they all have day jobs wait so are they they're kind of like when fucking uh brett hall like brett hall had dual citizenship and he played like that yeah i think i forget what order he did and i think he played for team canada most of his career and then later in his career that's fucking yeah you can't do that that's why i'm like a little bit i don't want to just i'm like it's ignoring that part of it i'm sure those guys are the lesser players in India, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh. And they're like, if I go to America, I'm a superstar.

So they're from there. Yeah. I shouldn't say that. I don't know where they were born. Okay. I know some of them, at least some of the stars, were living there from there and came over. But they're... I don't think that should be allowed.

In international competition, you have to be born... I wanted to ignore it, you know? It kind of ruins... It's like the America's Cup race, which is a sailing race, which is a big deal. And it was for so long. It was like Italy. But they've completely ruined it in that you can be from anywhere on any team.

Well, it's hard in America, though, when you're the melting pot. You know what I mean? Yeah. But it's like... You're born here. It sounds... It sounds... Okay.

It sounds not good. Get your MAGA hats out. But what I'm saying... These goddamn migrants playing for my team. No, but I agree with you. Yeah. Because when I... Like, when they had, like, the Olympics in Greece,

and, like, if you could have your great-great-grandfather with some Greece, you could play for the – No, you can't. You're not Greek. You're American. Right, right. I am with you on that. It definitely took away a little bit of my excitement when I looked at the team.

And I was like, oh, well, this is just like another team from Pakistan beat another team from Pakistan. You know what I mean? But – But are they Pakistani or are they American? I'm imagining they are from those countries and now have American citizenship. Now live here.

If they're doing the Brett Hall, I don't like it. Yeah. But the star of our team is a software engineer at Oracle. One of our guys is an Uber driver. Really? There's a bunch of guys who work in IT. There's three Patels who all work in IT.

I call them the three-headed monsters. The three-headed Patel monsters who are doing 40 hours a week in IT. They all have day jobs. And they just went and beat the international superstars of cricket. It's a great story if you just ignore that they're not really American. If you just, you know.

I guess that is American. that's the thing about america is that we are the melting pot yeah yeah but there should be at least you were born here yeah i think well you know who just got dual citizenship who our guy dante dante is officially an american uh an italian citizen and he said uh his his exact tweet was, once I'm done cleaning up this city and then cleaning up this country, I am out of here to Italy and you'll never see me again. Like he's fucking Batman or something.

Once I get done with this country, you'll never see me. What are you talking about? You're a DJ, dude. You're a fucking DJ. You're just hanging out with Shabuzy. You're not going to change the country. Okay?

Not for the better, at least. You have an option, a slim chance to change it for the worse, but I don't know about for the better. All right, let's do our voicemails. Oh, we'll be at cricket. We're going to go to the cricket match on Wednesday, America versus India. I don't know who. I'm not sure.

If Ireland lost and India won the other day, I think that match doesn't even matter at all. We're going to be through. But here's our boy, Factor. Factor meals are here for the summer. I am a huge fan of Factor, one of my favorite companies out there. No prep, no mesh meals. I appreciate the people who want to cook. I appreciate the people who are learning different recipes,

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That's code KFC50 at factormeals.com slash KFC50 for half off your first box, 20% off your next box while your subscription is active. What's good, crew? Got a quick question for you. The other day, me and the boys were drunk, somehow got on the topic of medieval time period. When the question came up, how many chefs do you think were executed because the king's taster was allergic to whatever they cooked? I would be so pissed. Imagine it was your first day on the fucking job, like, yo, I fucking made it.

I'm about to cook for the king. And then somebody who has a food allergy who couldn't handle it just died. And then you think you killed it. And then it's like, oh, actually, you're going to die next because you tried to kill the king. Fucked up.

So let me know. I don't think they had allergies back then. I know it's very, like, you know, cliche to be like, fucking gen z and their food allergies but i do think allergies like get worse yeah i don't know i would imagine they existed in some they're probably more as popular as they are like i don't i don't know if there was like gluten allergies back then i feel like that's something that is like, that was one of those things that you said so many problems. I don't know what's it caused. My skin's falling off,

man. I, you know, like we don't have plumbing. You have, you have dysentery, dysentery and you're like, it can't be the bread.

You're dying from cholera. And actually you just had a celiac disease. So yeah, who, who knows? But, uh, that would be funny if you're just watching the King and you see like his And actually you just had celiac disease. So yeah, who knows? That would be funny if you're just watching the King. You see like his ears start swelling like Hitch.

Like, ah, boy, this is going to be bad. That one's going to come back to me. I'm going to put the shrimp in there. God damn it. It's the shellfish, wasn't it? In a similar vein, Tommy posted this. And I think we've had this debate before, but it's a good one. What year is the cutoff for you?

The question is, you live your normal life as is today, or you are the richest person in this time period? What year do you? I mean, it'd be pretty goddamn recent. Yeah, I think Tommy said 1991. I think it's... I'm talking like a decade ago. Really? Honest to God, there wouldn't be an answer. I would not do it, no matter what.

You would just keep your regular life. Yeah. I would have no interest in being the richest man in the world. I know that they said Rockefeller... Rockefeller was a billionaire at like the turn of the century which was equivalent to like 800 million dollars a billion dollars it was like he was borderline a trillionaire he owned he controlled like something like 90 of the oil in the country it's fucking crazy so like it's unimaginable wealth he could do like literally

whatever he wanted and it's like you know 1900 is not wanted. And it's like, you know, 1900 is not that crazy. But it's like they probably didn't really have like running water and electricity like in the way that we want it and know it and need it. You know what I mean? Yeah. And like you're riding horses and shit like that. So it's like this is highly inconvenient. I guess the real question is, you know? Do you have your brain? You're aware of what else.

If not, then there's no point. You take the money because you're never going to even worry about this. But there still is something to be like the age expectancy was like 30. Maybe good thing. I don't know. It depends on how you want to do it. But for me, I said whenever air conditioning was invented. Because the television had already been invented.

If I have TV and air conditioning. But then you think about TV and it's like, well, I need cable TV. So that's like 1989 or whatever. That's very recent. But maybe I could live as like a sultan but that that has no appeal to me yeah living like first of all the attention you have for being the richest person in the world and just i the responsibilities i don't want all those well that is i think you can be one of those guys who's just like i don't know kill them like you don't want to be like president but you could

that's the responsibility oh yeah you don't do like you don't want to be like president but you could that's the responsibility oh yeah you don't do that you don't want to be a mass murderer okay you don't want to be nice fucking kill him i don't want the responsibility of choosing life and death for other people okay fine you know what i don't like when they always portray it as like the woman's feeding you grapes and there's someone like fanning you i'd be get the fuck away from you or all these fucking people yeah yeah yeah so that i don't like um but if you know if we're talking about like the basics that i need it's got to be air conditioning television those are like the main ones yeah yeah i got that yeah i'm pretty good right right we were talking about it we did the bracket and we were doing bracket fictional houses.

Maybe we might have talked about this. And I think it came down to Big Daddy's apartment and Wayne Manor. And I forget what won out. I think Big Daddy's apartment did. But whoever was making the argument for Wayne Manor was like, why would you? Because I kept saying New York was – I kept choosing places that were in New York. I was like, why would you, because I kept saying New York was, I kept choosing places that were in New York. I was like, I like it here.

I want to stay here. And they're like, well, Wayne Manor's just like an hour away. Why don't you just take that? It's a huge house. And I was like, I have a two-bedroom apartment currently, and one of the bedrooms is empty.

Yeah, you don't have anything in that room. I know, I know. There's literally nothing. I know. What the fuck would I do with a manor? Dude, when I, I have a big enough house now that when the kids aren't around, I'm like, this is ridiculous.

I seal off. I'm in one room air conditioning it. The rest is gone unused. Yeah, I'm with you on that. I never understand when celebrities buy a $50 million home that has 25 bedrooms. 50 Cent

had 50 bathrooms in his apartment in his house what the fuck is that about 50 bedrooms is insane you have 50 toilets what is that what is that it just it's complete nonsense it's just like just to flex just to be like look at this but there are even as the flex so you tell someone go, that's unnecessary. Yeah. To me, it's like. It seems silly to have. Unless you have an oddly big family. If you have like six bedrooms, that's like too many. Yeah. So when you start to talk about.

I think we have five when I grew up. Yeah. I think five. You know, a big house is five. I think when you get to six, you start to be like, all right, I think we have like two guest houses, two guest rooms. And anything above that is really weird. when you but we had like everyone was that was the amount of bedrooms yeah yeah that was that was the amount of people who lived in the home right but if you i mean if you start to have five six kids like it starts to get weird yeah

uh people thought it was so weird that my parents had four kids like four's a lot but and four's a real lot now we would it would be you know we were kind of the family that had all their kids over and stuff like that so when we went out to dinner you're a fucking squad everyone would have a friend so it was two four became like 10 12 well yeah like that it was like here's the philoburg baby factory yeah it's a lot i i find it very i'm i'm really interested in this these depopulation thing going on the fact that like modern life means people don't have kids is very funny to me what do you mean like people are not having kids right i think i think it's because they're just like we make money and we're like living a

life that we like and we're not gonna fuck it up with kids like we don't need like it you know you used to have a big-ass family to like farm the land and then like when that wasn't necessary anymore people are still having like three or four kids and now it's getting to a point where people are like i'm only gonna have like one maybe two of these things and it's like the world is gonna like stop spinning as we know it yeah like the people are like things and it's like the world is gonna like stop spinning as we know yeah like the people are like predicting and pop is gonna play but at the same time i the i just think we might be the first generation that is aging appropriately in the sense that we we altered when we're aging yeah because we're living for 30 I agree. We're not finding our love at 18 and getting married

at 22 and having kids at 25. And a lot of people are doing that, but clearly it seems like not enough are. Yeah. But like,

I just know my world, right? And I, in my circle of friends who are all my age, one, one has gotten married and has kids. Yeah.

Everyone else, other people are starting to do it now yeah that should be about right i have two midwives this year yeah yeah it's yeah the the everyone lives 10 years longer we push everything back 10 years yeah i i i don't think i don't understand why that's like an apocalypse i think i think if i don't know some of these places that are overcrowded there were less people and be like I'd be like, that's okay. I guess it's weird in Japan. In Japan,

it's like, in Japan, they have so many old people and they're breeding so slowly that like when that chunk of people dies, they're just going to lose like 30% of the population. And they're like, if something happened to a country where

you lost 30 of your people it would be a war crime it would be an apocalypse it would be doomsday and that's just gonna happen naturally because so it's like all these i don't know all these jobs and all these buildings and all these things are just like well we don't need those anymore because we have a fraction of the people i think that's very funny and and it's like and we're telling like we know it i guess they're telling the world and people are like i'm still not like the country is gonna fall into shambles and it's like well i don't know my life will fall into shambles if i have three kids so i'm fucking i'll try it uh it's funny you mentioned japan because i i was reading a book recently called icky guy and it's about the blue zones which are where a disproportionate

amount of population are men lives to 100 oh okay and it's just the ways people what people do and it's so ridiculous that things like this get so popular it's just the things yeah like they just exercise eat healthy drink water do the fucking thing sleep it's all of the fucking stuff but japan is a large like most of the blue zones are in japan it's very much over there there's a lot of hundred plus year old people and it's like well we don't have a word for retirement because they keep working okay that's kind of sucks but like that's but we it's like the thing we know that we make the we we make a joke out of it where you know once you've been to live for you die yeah i fucking do that and eating health is good for you i fucking do that i i

wasn't i i read it not because i've been curious i'm not trying to uh live that i was just kind of curious about it is wild though how many people just don't do the things yeah like i'm just like i know this is bad for my body i'm gonna eat it anyway i know i should work out i'm not gonna do it and i'm still like at least active enough and you know can do shit the people who are just like on rascal scooters and stuff yeah like let it go it's just like you you know you only have one of these lives you let this happen but it's like i don't care i'm just meat and cheesecake factory tonight like i always tell stories one of my like my buddy we're when he he confronted me about how fat i was and he was just we were we were in newport and we were sitting in lawn chairs on a driveway.

We were like, I was probably 22. And I was wearing sweatpants outside in the summer. And I had them rolled up, and I wasn't wearing a shirt. And I was just sitting there drinking a beer. And he just goes, just let me know when you want me to say something. And I was like, what are you talking about? He goes, just about all this. Let me know when you want me to comment on all this.

That's the comment. I was like, all right. That's the comment i was like all right that's the comment i think you did that was it yeah you need that moment i think about it like uh i always laugh the the uh i'm always driving into the city and i the amount of times there's traffic for like a little little little fender bender where somebody just like boom knocked your your your bumper and we stopped traffic and you're exchanging fucking uh information and the cops are there and shit and it's like you just it's called a bumper you bumped a bumper you can just go about your life and just have like a little

nick on your car but we treat it like if you have a scratch on your car a bump on your car whatever and then we treat our bodies like you're driving in grand theft auto fucking tires popping doors doors falling off. You're just like, whatever, man. But they are damn near indestructible. Right. Like it's. And even if you do like destroy it, once you get back on the right track, it like, it filters it out pretty quick.

And you're like back on, you're like back on the right path. The human body is fucking gangster. It's crazy. It really is. It's so hard to die. Yeah, I know, I know, I know. It really is, man. The amount of times that we both should have kicked it.

I don't know. If it was easy to die, I think I would have died 10,000 times. Yeah, yeah. Well, unfortunately for you, John, it's pretty hard. Next up. What's up, KFC? the beans so i was just making a quesadilla and the can opener wasn't working either that or i

couldn't figure out how to work it so i just opened the can with a knife and at first i thought i was pretty clever for that and then i realized that's probably just open the can with a knife. And at first I thought I was pretty clever for that, and then I realized that's probably just how everyone opened cans before the can opener was invented. And honestly, I think using the knife was a lot easier than using a can opener, so I don't think I'm going to buy a new can opener. I think I'm just going to use

a knife from now on so that leads me to the question what common tool or thing that most people use do you think you could live your life without ever needing

a knife how he sent this video in. Insane. Is beyond me. Bro, that can is so mangled. It looks like you got in like a 12 round fight with it. And you're like, I think it was easier with the knife. When everyone else just goes, and like the top perfectly comes off.

It's like this beautiful round top. It is definitively easier to use a can opener. I just heard a huge ruckus going on downstairs. And you went down there, and you saw Shay covered in packing peanuts with fucking cardboard strewn about the house. This was so much easier than cutting open the tape. What's wrong with you, dude? Well, I mean,

I've done this before. You open a can without a can opener. It is impossible. Yeah, oh, I've done it. You're banging it. You're smashing it. You're cutting yourself

on the fucking metal. It's like probably, if we were to do like the opposite of this question, it's probably this. Like, you need can openers to open cans.

That's how hard it is. I've done, I've done. Kind of a, I don't know if I dislike it or like it, but homemade quesadillas to get the beans out is commitment. That's a lot. I literally did it yesterday.

Really? Yeah. If I'm making one at home, I'm doing chicken, cheese. I don't think I'm getting the beans out. That's a lot. I well-freshed it. Good for you. But, D, I've done every step of this video except taking the video and smashing the staples button.

That was easy. In other words, I'm sweating. I'm like, Jesus Christ. I'm like, I've got to get a fucking can opener. I don't have the stamina to do this again. Also, if you don't know how to use a can opener, you're retarded. It's pretty failed. Did you say you couldn't do it or it broke?

One or the other. It looked like a pretty standard. It didn't look like One or the other. It looked like a pretty standard. It didn't look like a great can opener. It looked like a shitty one. But those are the best ones. The fancy can opener. They suck. Just attach it here and hit this button.

It'll go. No. But you do need the black handles. That thing was all. Yeah. That looked like it was. I grew up on an old. I think I grew up on my mom's grandma's fucking.

Yeah. So I know the war. I definitely think about it with... I think corkscrews, you need the middle. I don't want the one that the waiter has where you just fold out the corkscrew and it becomes like a T and you twist it in that way. But I don't need this electronic bullshit. I'm good. I like the one that has...

It looks like a little man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. Because that, you crank it and you just pop it. Sometimes if I'm... I can i like i like the one that has like it looks like a little man yeah i like that because that you crank it easy you just pop it sometimes if i'm i can do it with like the regular one but if you miss on that you're fucked yeah and then and then the cork breaks apart and all that where the one in the the man the one that looks like a man you get right in the middle and it has like the thing that guides it um i've never figured out a can opener this this thing gotten it twice in my life

what do you think is so hard about it? I can't there's like seven different components to it I can't figure out where the can got

to this day I don't know where the can got we should get a can opener can you run into the kitchen and see if there's a can opener? no I mean like I'm not gonna be able I'm gonna tell you right now

like I'm not gonna be able to do it yeah that's the point that's what I'm telling you I get what you're saying like I will it's probably it's like plugging it. Yeah, that's the point. That's what I'm telling you. I get what you're saying. Like, I will. It's like plugging in the USB. Like, it's 50-50 if I get it right first try. Because you have to clamp at the right side.

Yeah. So sometimes you'll start spinning it and you'll realize it's not cutting anything. And you go, oh, it's the other side. And you flip it over. I suppose so. It's not clear what side. Yeah. No, I know what you're saying.

I'm picking up what you're putting down. I just want to back my guy up. Is it it though? Because I think then you just crank like you can clamp it however you want and if you're spinning it this way nothing's cutting. I think you just spin it the other way. Oh, I usually

just flip it over. I think that does the same thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't think like you see like the two like metal like saws that are like that's what cuts it open you know but it's not it's not that clear it's not you're you're right like i'm i'm with you but it's a pretty i mean i guess if you give it to like a child they would be do we have one my god I thought there was no way that he was going to find it. Me too. Wait, we need a can though.

Are you on camera? Yeah. We don't need a can. We need a can. You can't see if a can opener works without a can. I don't know if we're going to be able to find a can. You need a can downstairs at Duane Reade. No.

Yeah, okay. No, this is so not worth it. Is there a can at Duane Reade? Yeah, there is. Jackie's probably right. It's probably not worth it. No, it'll be worth it. It'll be worth it. It'll be worth it.

We'll do it at the end. Oh, my God. This is... I would imagine it goes in there. Yeah, like, what would you get wrong? Okay, this one feels a little bit better. But even... I don't know.

We'll wait for the can to come. We'll answer the question while that happens um what what piece of technology or tool do you think you don't need um well that's a tough that's a bluetooth came to mind right away you know what i don't like this is a little bit off topic ring cameras perfect why are we completely agree fucking filming our whole house completely agree especially if you live with some other people it's like not like you're doing anything wrong but i don't know you have a little bit of fucking privacy fucking do something goofy you're singing you're dancing you know whatever it's like oh fuck i'm i'm being filmed in my own house yeah what are we doing i got for like the

oh oh oh a one percent chance that there's a burglar or some shit it is it's insane to me it's i got i got a buddy who had he's he's fucking a lunatic and he like everything in his house is all fucking cameras like that and we'll be out grabbing a drink and his phone just keep going and it'll say like motion in this room motion in that room motion in that room yeah dude you get that you get a notification you have two kids right it's like it's your fucking kids they're running around you live alone and you're getting notifications there's a problem otherwise or like i don't know there's fucking animals wind trees blowing i don't know there's fucking animals there's wind trees blowing I don't know it's just like

it's crazy to me that you know like even when I when I you know I'm convinced that my house is either haunted or I have squatters and I went and got

a ring camera for like the one night I was like I was like I gotta do something about this and by the morning I was like I'm not putting these cameras fuck this it's just you don't need it you know and I honestly think The one night I was like, I got to do something about this. And by the morning, I was like, I'm not putting these cameras on. Fuck this. It's just you don't need it.

And I honestly think 50% of people get a ring camera for viral moments. To be like, what if something funny happens in our house once? We can put it on, you know, the delivery man fell while he was bringing a door dash. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Let's put it on the internet. I've done that where I stayed at an Airbnb. And I'm sorry, it wasn't an Airbnb. I don't know where we got it. It an Airbnb and we, and I'm sorry it wasn't Airbnb I don't know where we got it

it was a house PFT and I rented and the like first night, it was just us like hanging out on the porch, drinking very low key nothing going on and got a text the next day from the neighbors being like hey I'm sorry from the owners being like hey maybe

don't be on the porch until midnight, getsets a little out for the neighbors, whatever. And like, oh, sorry, did they complain? No, we just heard you on the ring cam. It's like, I can't, I want to be comfortable in this fucking house. I don't want to feel like I'm being watched everywhere I fucking go. That's so weird. Yeah. That's so weird.

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Let's go. Let's see. So we got three different cans for Jackie. Let's see what she can open up. Salmon? Why would you get salmon? Hell yeah, dude. By the way, before we get to this, I gotta give a quick shout out to 15-year-old Steve because I was just in the bathroom as he walked down the hallway and he was steaming. Yeah?

Yeah. My man. The early scouting report on Steve is that you work like a dog. Yeah, hustle. So that's good. Hustle player. That's the very first thing that you need to do because there are definitely some interns who do not it's crazy again i see him just sitting in the game like he's just sitting there it's like

what what are you doing literally just sitting there every single time i walk by i see the same one sitting in the same spot like what is happening all right jack it's your time to shine okay well now this seems kind of easy okay but here's the thing is what is confusing. It's like, is it flat or is it there? Bang. You locked it in. Okay. Okay.

Got it? This is, I'm not going to lie, this is actually a lot easier than that. This is the third can I've ever opened in my life. So wait, did you like struggle with it one time and then just like, you know, avoid it for like the rest of your God-given life? Well, no,

like I've tried like multiple times. So what would you have done in the past? This is like more, this is a lot better. This is more clear than the other ones.

The one I grew up with, I guess, is a lot less clear. It's like one of these little things and then... A big thing? I mean,

I just got smart. We know this. I'm getting smarter. Jackie's getting smarter. Jackie's getting smarter. So over the weekend, I texted the gang. I said, do you guys want to go see cricket on Wednesday? And Jackie was in right away.

She was like, that sounds amazing. Like, I got to check the schedule, but like, yes, I'm totally in. And then, so i'm working out like logistics i'm like we don't have any interviews that day right maybe we'll drive we'll do this or that and jackie says excuse me she goes this is the sport with uh horses and sticks right and so naturally i'm like yup and i was like when you see these horses in in in person they're so big and the game moves so fast. I've heard it is absolutely incredible.

As soon as you said that, as soon as you, like, matched my energy, I was like, no. I should have just left it and said, like, yes. And then by today, while we recorded this, she would have still thought it was Polo. And I texted John, and I said, hey, if you talk to Jackie, she's under the impression we're going to see polo. So obviously run with that. And like within one minute, you texted me back and you said, what did you say? You're like, okay, I looked it up. It's definitely not that. There's no horses involved.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I looked it up. There's no horses involved. What the fuck is cricket? Is it just baseball with a bladder stick? It's a baseball-esque game. It's very different, but it is pitching and hitting with a bat. Yeah. game. It's very different, but it is pitching and hitting with a bat. So I immediately went

back to John. I said, damn it. She figured it out. And then you tweeted me like, you texted me being like, I would have, I'm getting smarter or something. And he texted me the same exact time, like six months ago, she would have got tricked by that. It was like, yep,

you're learning. It was like in Jurassicassic park like clever girl yeah the velociraptors have figured out how to open doors the fire people thing that i like what the fire people thing that you guys like went along with remember when i believed like from fire island oh that was the worst that was incredible but that was almost like when you're when you're still believing the urban legend stories. You're early, it was new, and you're just believing stories that are being told to you. It's like, yeah, I don't know.

You guys fucking deceived me. Pete Holmes was joking about that. He's like, why am I the negative one? I'm gullible. You told me something, and I took it as I believed it. I don't think that everyone's just trying to deceive me with their random stories. Well, I'm happy you learned how to use the can opener. Now you can open up your beans. What were you opening over there?

So I went with the albacore. Albacore tuna. But there's pink salmon, which is like... Did you open it fully? No, halfway. Why? I was going to say, I might hit that. Is it in water or oil?

I don't know. It says it on the fucking can. Tuna in water. I might eat that. But we'll be tuna in water is my deal. Yeah, there's gas. People who do Star Kissed, white trash. People who do in oil, weirdos.

Okay, this is actually like a great invention. You know what's the best invention that's so underrated? Shoehorn. Really? Nobody talks about a shoehorn. I tried one the other day i also think like it's like the worst pr like for like very unsexy not geared towards women at all you have the nails like if i could do pr for a shoehorn i don't really know what i do maybe you should invent a shoehorn for women give it a different name shoehorn for women. Give it a different name. Shoehorn is weird. What? Shoehorn-lita?

You guys, this is disgusting. You don't eat tuna? No. Like salmon, yeah. Will you eat that right out of the can? Yeah. Yeah. I at least, I like drain it.

Wow, I'll fucking whack that. Really? Right now. Yeah. Let me get a fork real quick. Wow, I'll fucking whack that. Really? Right now? Yeah. Let me have your fork real quick. We'll get more on camera. Yeah, yeah. Why don't you come sit down?

Don't do near me. And take the cap with you. Okay. I actually... And take the cap with you. I just forgot. I wasn't trying to be an asshole. I just forgot. Okay. You forgot what? I said no because I walked out, but I actually not kept track. This is some Charlie shit right here. Yeah.

Eating tuna out of the can is either you're a meathead or you're poor and, like, homeless. It is good, but eating it right out of the can is, like, you're... Let me hit that. The hot sauce is key. It's tuna in general horrible pr tuna meatloaf beans really bad pr these things are all very delicious and just need they probably they really don't know how to pack it. Like, they also sell it in a bag. Who the fuck wants to eat fish out of a bag? You need to, like, put it, like, display it, like, nicer.

You know what I mean? It's like, if you put, like, cream cheese in it and, like, mash it up. Oh, I do mayonnaise. Cream cheese, huh? I do, yeah. Cream cheese? In tuna? Or cottage cheese. For a little extra protein kick. Yeah, it's good.

I do mayo, and it is the whitest, literally and figuratively, thing in the world. It sounds disgusting when you're mashing it up, and it's so fucking fire. You put that on some Wonder Bread? It's that WAP. Posted? WAP. WAP. Yeah.

Yep. Yep. Tuna in a pot. It's that WAP. All right, so this guy's living with an 80-year-old. You're not helping the PR for it. This guy lives with an 80-year-old woman for some reason. She's in a wheelchair.

She broke her hip, and she has no control over her bowels. She's 74 years old, broken hip, with bowel issues. So she would have to get up and run to the bathroom to poop. But she couldn't run or do anything because she's 74 years old. So she had to make the process faster. So she wore go pants. 74 years old, just shirts and panties. That's all she was wearing.

And she would walk real slow across the living room as I'm sitting there trying to watch TV. And I just had to keep my head down. That went on for about three weeks. And then after that, she decided even panties are too much. Couldn't do it. So I come home one day and dropping off the mail for her. I look down and there it is. Just old, leathery, hairy, worn down in all of its former glory. And just her hooch out in the open for everyone god and everyone to see

uh that was actually my first one i've seen which is awesome i'll never forget it um wait how old is that she uh she did that for about three weeks too um one day she pooped on the floor came home to that which is lovely she asked me to help her queen up i said i can't do that i'm gonna throw up um you know there are a lot of a lot of other details in this that i couldn't fit in here if you have any other you want to hear more about really what else the question is what's the worst living situation that you've ever endured because you had to thanks like i i maybe I missed it in the beginning, but, like, this is like when people get mad, like when humans are mad at sharks,

and it's like you're in their environment and fucking up their shit, and you're going to blame them. You're living with an old woman with a broken hip who had shit problems. You're the problem. You you know that's what happens to old people you're the one who's choosing to live there as a young guy i would uh she's still taking roommates i might move in dude i i i'm not turned on by any stretch of imagination obviously i would sincerely hope not dude what the fuck kind of sentence was that

why did you just say that right now because the next thing i'm about to say is i kind of care to see what an 80 year old pussy looks like oh my god like i i wouldn't i wouldn't want to be up close and personal with it it's here's the deal no no no no because that's i bet they're all up close and personal i want to see an 80 year old pussy like i want to see a gorilla like i don't want to be i don't want to see an 80-year-old pussy like I want to see a gorilla. Like, I don't want to be fucked. From the safety. I don't want to see eye to eye. But if she happens to walk by the room.

Gorilla's in the mist. I go, oh. Vagina's in the mist. That's what it looks like. Pussy in the mist. You know what I mean? I don't want to see whatever kind of Google image is going to pop up. I do get that.

In its natural environment. Because it's probably like, you probably can't even see it. It's probably like, there's like a. But you can see enough of it that you go, hmm. I bet they's like a but you can see enough of it there you go i bet they have like a like a it's like a flop like a fat lower pussy area not a fupa you know what i mean i feel like there's stuff that like hangs over it and covers it oh yeah there's stuff like there's stuff falling like a hood yeah right right like what the fuck is that an intestine? Push it back in.

When an older shirt gets a little tattered, it's got some string hanging out. That's just like uterus. You just cut it off? Was that fallopian? Get your fallopian tubes back in. I once saw, I was on the D train at Fordham, and I saw an old woman who had her pants down to her knees and her shirt pulled up over her tits. So it was just like knees to tits, homeless.

And it was harrowing experience like just disgusting very very you know it kind of nailed leathery what is what is the hair window uh like how much thigh gets on yeah i want to see just a person who's just never shaved their right how much would it just keep where are you going i think you would get a full bikini area. I don't think it grows. You know it or if I? I bet you touch it. I mean, if you don't shave your legs, you would

get hair, but it's not the same as your pubic hair. Same thing for us. It grows more here than it does here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you'd never touched it? I think I bet there's a point of diminishing returns. Like eyebrows. You know, like eyebrows will just keep going.

They know when to stop. I think you get like a bush and then it stops. But it like goes on the thighs a little bit. Yeah, yeah, like right there. Yeah, I want to see someone just out there fucking ripping it. Some National Geographic shit? Like this is a tribe that doesn't even know what razors are. I always think it's weird that, like, of all the deformities,

I've never actually seen someone with, like, because, like, eyebrows up, like, I'll get, like, a little bit here, but I've never actually seen anybody with, like, just head, hair, all the way to there. I got a buddy with a real three head. You kind of have a three head. Yeah, I know. You know? of have a three head Yeah I know You know

That's a good thing I hadn't noticed until right now I would kill for the hairline I'd love that You got a little Eddie Munster going on Why did you do this to yourself? Why did you do this? I don't know

You said I know Like you just pointed it out I know I know You said I've never seen anyone who has this hair And you pointed with your hands No no no but I'm saying And then you do have it You don't think Like I've never seen anyone who has this hair and you pointed with your hands and then you do have it.

You don't think like you've never seen hair all the way down to the eyebrows. No but I've seen oh well there actually are some wolf people out there but they're like

literally they're circus freaks they call them like the wolf family. So those are those are like you know deformities. Look at that four. That's a forehead. That's a forehead.

I I uh. That's like when you jam the fucking ruler into your dick. Six inches! It's six! It's six, I swear to God! They actually were talking about this the other day out there. I think Tommy has recently measured his dick. And he's like, you should do it again.

It gets bigger. I don't think I've ever measured my dick. I also don't think it gets bigger. I feel like my dick is bigger. I'm guessing he did it when he was 13 or something like that. Yeah, I mean it gets bigger from there. I don't think we had... We definitely didn't have fucking measuring tape in our house.

My dad had a toolbox that had sticks in it. There was for sure no measuring tape. I don't My dad had a toolbox that had sticks in it. There was for sure no measuring tape, and I don't remember ever doing a ruler thing. I remember I took a piece of string and held it up to my dick and then measured the string. Because that, you know, that you can kind of like

wrap on your tip. We're getting every last inch. Do you know that girl on TikTok who all she does is – she's like this hot chick. She takes a tape measure and she like pulls it with her mouth and she does like different dick sizes. The guys in the comments comment like I'm 5'8", 165, and my dick is like four and a half inches. And she like pulls out four inches and shows that. And then she like comments on like it's a little bit small but like four and a half inches. And she like pulls out four inches and shows that. And then she like comments on like, it's a little bit small, but like I can deal with it. And then there are guys who are like nine and a half inches soft.

And she pulls it out. And she's like, this is too much for me. And it's all she makes. Like that's all the videos she makes. It's just the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. But she's a hot girl talking about dick size. So it gets a ton of views. Thanks, Ray J.

All due to ray j um wait i have kind of a question that for some reason it reminded me of the gorilla thing okay so i was i was with some people when they were like talking about there was like a bad situation that i don't know and they were saying like yeah it's like a bird box situation and i was like what do you mean like a bird like they were blindfolded or whatever and they were saying like no, it's like a bird box situation. And I was like, what do you mean? They were blindfolded or whatever? And they were saying, no, that's just how we describe. There's just bird box. They were in a bad situation in bird box. But I was kind of like, bird box implies that there's so many other movies

where there's bad situations. And bird box just really implies that you're blindfolded somehow. Of all the movies with bad situations, that's not what I think of. So what's the first movie you think of with the quintessential bad situation? Do you know what I mean? I do know what you mean.

Like where they're forced to... If you were to say, that's a blank situation. I'm more situation specific. I see a lot of movies. I can go... Yeah. If you're referencing Bird Box, you probably don't watch a lot of movies. If you're referencing

Bird Box, you probably don't watch a lot of movies. The most random movie, I guess they're in a bad situation. There's so much else that goes on. I guess you would probably pick a zombie type thing where you're living...

What was the situation? I don't remember. Bird Box was like if you're living like... What was the situation? I don't remember. Bird Box was like, if you open your eyes... You kill yourself. Yeah. Like, that is a bad situation. It's a tough spot. Yeah.

Does the Bird Box mean anything else? No. No? They're just like, I don't know. A real Bird Box situation. You hear this random guy's peeling my eyes open um the uh the shit in this reminded me of friday morning i think it was i woke up and had an email from someone who lives in my building and it was to everyone in the building and the building management and it was like hey unfortunately coming home this morning from the gym or wherever they were coming home from it's like suddenly 7 30 like I watched a

homeless man take defecate on the front steps I just want to let my fellow tenants know and find out you know what the process is to clean that up and then it just became this email chain not exceptionally long anything like that just people trying to figure out whose responsibility it is to clean up the shit the shit on the stairs that's great it was like the building's like i don't know call the cops like no i didn't he's gone now it's just the feces remains that's like an Always Sunny episode where they'd be in court. Yeah. Arguing with the lawyer.

I stepped over it four times that day. But honestly, I kind of am upset about the email alert. Because I just thought it was dog shit. Yeah, now I know it's human. Now I know it's human homeless shit. Yeah. I'm like, God, it's pure garbage. Literal waste.

That is terrible. Instead of one last voicemail, I got a DM. I think it was kind of like a marry, fuck, kill. It was this guy who's my pimple popper video buddy. Yeah. Yeah. He said, I realize I have the worst physical attributes of KFC radio. I have fights as gross hands.

I have no eyebrows like you. And I have pepperoni nips like Jackie, which is the worst of the three. I was. Did. That's what I said to him. I was like, bro, get surgery and fix those things, man. He said, as the owner of all three, he thinks it's the pepperoni nips. He said, my parents had a pool growing up,

and I used to rub ice on my nipples before hanging out with my friends so they weren't the size of UFOs. That's some harrowing shit. That's like some, like, you will become, like you might become a serial killer if you're that – like fix the nipples, dude. If every time you're like, I got to see my friends, you're icing your nipples, you need to fix your nipples. I – He also, by the way, like I have no eyebrows because of like I'm like kind of losing the hair and it's blonde.

He has I think like alopecia. Like he does not have the eyebrows. Okay. Because I kind of have all three of these too. Yeah. Well, yeah, you do. You have the fight sands. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you do. You have the fight sans. Yeah.

Yeah. Somebody said to me the other day, how come nobody makes fun of Fido for not having eyebrows? And I was like, you're fucking right. Well, I don't do videos. Yours are out there a lot more. That's probably it. It's also the iPhone doesn't help you. Like an iPhone screen just doesn't help.

And the car, man. The car makes my eyeballs pop. Yeah. But my eyebrows go completely away. So I'm like, eh, which, you know,

the W and O sort of thing. I, I, I, I don't mind. I like pepper. Also, I have a three head,

but because I have good eyebrows, you know, so at least it's, it's crazy. Your hair and your eyebrows right here. No, it's not even your forehead It's over here they almost touch Like this hair

Like you have like A solid like two inches between like your eyebrow And your hair Jackie has like a centimeter It's the Italian Like look how much Look at Tab's difference Huge forehead Big one Stop looking at my forehead look how much look at Paz's difference huge forehead

big one stop looking at my forehead you missed it she was like she just brought this upon herself no I didn't

no I literally she was just like have you ever seen anybody whose hair like comes all the way down to their eyebrows and then John was like you

no I didn't it's crazy like now that you pointed out you really don't have much before that's a good thing have you thought about this you don't want to have a big forehead have you thought about this

I'm always thinking about I'm always like should I shave no to top of my hairline this is how girls are so fucking crazy like you want to have a big forehead and not have like a

like it's crazy no but I was at a bar more than a weekend and a guy had probably a hairline similar to yours, maybe not quite as bad. And he did exactly that. Yeah. He shaved it.

He shaved it. But then you have to constantly. But he hadn't shaved it in a while. So it was very clear. Like, right here was a bunch of short. Terrible. And it was all I could think about. It was all I could look at.

It's like, you have to hit the bick with it every morning. All the time because you have different lengths. He had more than a five o'clock shadow. Remember when Glennie got his widows peak? Yeah, it was similar to that, only his was much worse than Glennie's. Right, right. And it was like all the way down to here. It was crazy.

Every minute of your life I'd be shaving. You don't want a big forehead. I know, but... You know who's got the best hairline? Jerry Ferrara. Really? Jerry's is like... Like fucking straight as an arrow.

Just bam. You got a good hairline in the front. Yeah, it's all right. I get the pepperoni nipples. Oh, yeah. Did I cut you off? Dude, I used to be at the beach. Before I could exercise and stuff like that, I just had flab.

And so I would beach or pool. Yeah, me too, before I could exercise. I would pinch my nipples so they could get hard so they weren't as fucking big. Because when they get hard, they would contract and get smaller. Really? Yeah. Your nipples get smaller when they get hard? For sure, right?

I mean, I feel like maybe I'm weird. Yeah, no, no, I agree with that. And so I'd be at the pool, I'd be like. Nipples are hard. Like nipples are weird. You can sit like so your stomach isn't fat. You can do like a lot of things, but your nips are just out there. If I was in a pool, I'd be like, I'm going to get in the pool.

And I would run and take my shirt off as I did. As fast as you could. So I jumped in because then the water, because I'd get cold again. So if they were cold, if they were hard, they weren't as puffy and fucking weird looking. I still have puffy, weird nips, but they're like, I don't know, they're hard now because I just pinched them. I never worried about my nipples.

I've told you, this one doesn't work as well. This one doesn't work as well, so sometimes I have to kind of blow on it. I dated a girl who had an inverted nipple. She had an inverted nipple, so she would push it and it would pop. It's like when we started to have sex, she would just be like. Let me get my little micro dick out.

Yeah, basically. Well, I guess as the Frankenstein who has all three things, what's the worst? Nips. Nips, for sure. Nips are really tough. I mean, at least as a girl, you get to cover yours, though, most of the time. For guys, the worst moment in a guy's life, truly maybe, is the first time you are uncomfortable wearing a t-shirt. Yeah.

That is a moment where you're like, I have never worried about this. I guess it was probably earlier for you than most. But when you're a kid, you don't think about it ever and then like if you don't work out like i would as a kid i was very self-conscious in t-shirts yeah but i think you've got a weird yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm saying like i had normal nipples but the minute because you're a freak you're a circus i think uh it's so it's not like my nipples it's like when you start to get like man boobs sort of you know it's like

you know if you have a hoodie on a sweatshirt on whatever you never think about it it used to also be t-shirts and the minute you put on a t-shirt you're like wait a minute this looks awful it's like well I'm gonna have to deal with this for the rest of my life that is truly a rock bottom and it's like just do some push-ups I'm like nope I'm gonna I'm just to fret about this until I die. Sounds good. All right. Gary

Veeder's on the show. Like I said, great interview. The special is out and the new series sounds absolutely amazing. Check it out with Gary because it's a great sit down with me and him. We'll see you guys in a couple of days. Listen up renters. Ever feel like you're stuck in this loop of rent payments, just watching your money vanish into thin air? It's time to turn that rent game around and start earning some serious rewards. That's where Built Rewards comes in.

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our URL so you know that we sent you. It's joinbuilt.com slash KFC to start earning points with your rent payments today. All right, we got Gary Veeder in the building. What's up, man? What's up, man? A little one-on-one with me. My co-host is away. He had a death in the family, so he had to zip out. So you get me all alone. I love it.

I mean, I'm sorry, but I love it. So the new special's out, right? It could be worse. That's right and uh i feel like you are um one of those guys that is like every comic i talk to likes gary beater which i always feel like is one of the biggest you know compliments you can get yeah i mean i appreciate i mean i've been doing it a while so it's good that uh i've definitely met some great comics along the way and i appreciate like the ones that you know i've uh i've met along the way, and I appreciate the ones that I've met along the way.

They're definitely established, and they've helped push me and definitely have pushed the special too. How's the reception of the special been? So far, so good. Yeah, it's on YouTube. I mean, YouTube is just like a crazy platform where it's like you're putting it out, and you're just hoping for the best. But luckily, I've gotten a good push from some some comics and that's given the numbers a nice boost.

And hopefully it continues. YouTube is all at once like the best thing and the worst thing in the world for me. I think it's by far the best platform for comedy, video content, all that stuff. And it's only going to get bigger. I feel like, you know, we're still still at the very, very infancy of it. But there's the one side of it's like it's very much like a meritocracy. You know what I mean? Like if people watch it, it goes.

I was going to say, I don't know. You mean that was a big word. But yeah. Yeah. It's just like if you're bad, it's not going to succeed. But there is also this other side of it where it's the algorithm. And you've got to play by the rules and it's got to be you know perfectly done at the right time and the right length and the right this and the right that that's for sure and also like the whole thing is like i'm betting on myself that hopefully like i had to put up all the money by myself and

like that yeah wow that's not well i i i've i've gone i've talked to a few comics about this too i remember talking to mike cannon about it because he did the same thing. He put up a bunch of money. I feel like you guys are overpaying. I got a guy here who will do it for like probably like a fifth of what you guys are paying. Don't tell him. I'll pay you. Yeah, I mean you don't – I barely move around on stage.

Yeah, it's not like we're shooting a Michael Bay movie here. But yeah, it came out well. The guy who actually directed it, he was awesome, James Webbb and uh yeah he killed it because like we did it at the village on the ground which is uh part of the comedy cellar and he like dressed it up nice with like curtains so it kind of it looks like its own special thing so uh so he definitely i mean hands down worth every penny but like i mean i obviously i want you know i want it to like do well and uh yeah it's just a it's a crazy thing because you're just sitting and waiting and it's just like it's only been

out for about like seven days yeah yeah yeah and you start to look at like yeah you look at the numbers but like you said yeah you're hoping for the best you're hoping like all right i came out on uh on tuesday last week and it was like it started at 10 a.m and it's like is 10 a.m the best time and then or it's right after it was right after. And it's like, is 10 a.m. the best time? Uh-huh. I don't know. Or it was right after Memorial Day. I'm like, oh, is that bad? I don't know. Yeah. And then somebody was like, people aren't checking.

They have to get back and they have to check all their emails when they get back. I'm like, is that true? I mean, like I look at stuff and like, and also like look at emails. Like, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's also like, I didn't send them an email. I put out a comedy special. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Exactly. Yeah. This is better. So it's like, maybe this would delay you looking at email yeah yeah but yeah there's no I feel like everything and then you know you have YouTube shorts and all this stuff that like you want it to be perfect and

and it's like you're cutting up part of your special and it's it might be taking things out of context from what you're talking about brother I don't want to bore you with nerd talk but I've been saying it I've been shouting it from the mountaintops that YouTube shorts is just like it's the biggest fake smoke and mirrors thing on the internet for sure it's not saying like any and and you know there are some good clips of course especially like you know comedy related but uh but yeah but it does take things out of

context and sometimes it's like just benefiting somebody who's just saying like a key word that really just gets a lot of hype. Are you thinking of something specific? Did you get fucked over on a clip? No, but it's like, you know, you have to set in like, you know, jokes, you got to set it up. Yeah. So it's going to, you know, it might take, you know, I mean, a sentence to get it out

and nobody has patience anymore. I know it's got to be under 60 seconds. Yeah. And I, and I talk pretty slowly. Yeah. I was going to say, you're not getting anything out quickly. I know, yeah. They're already sleeping, man.

It's such a good, you know, it's a very useful tactic, the way you use your voice. Yeah, I'm trying, yeah. The pacing is very funny. Yeah, well, it's calming, and then it helps definitely with like, because I mean, I do tell jokes that are in shorter length technically. So like a little bit like one-liner-ish. So I guess going along with like the way that I sound, I guess it's helpful. What do you think of the people who are – at this point, especially on YouTube, you can almost make a living or at least have a presence online just by critiquing and posting about comedy.

There's a few accounts that, you know, all you got to do is, and usually it's negative, of course, because it's the internet and people hate. But, you know, these guys put out something like, you know, fuck this special or fuck this podcast. Hundreds of thousands of views and a whole cult of commenters who, you know, all agree with it. And they're just gonna keep doing it you know i mean yeah i mean it just feeds into everything i mean reddit obviously it's like

the same deal it's like you know people commenting and just whatever way they could get the algorithm working and that's you know engagement is is the key for that so it's like they just people feed off of negativity i know it's hard it's hard having been on the internet my whole life and having been a guy who's written blogs and done podcasts and made videos being like fuck this and fuck that yeah you can't turn around and then be like how come you guys aren't being nice on the internet but there is something to be said for like if you genuinely don't like something or feel like someone is is terrible or selling out or cheating the system or whatever. Fine. Go ahead.

But my problem is I think a lot of these guys maybe did that once or twice and saw the reaction and now are like, who else can I say this about? Or I'm going to double, triple, and quadruple down on the same thing every time because I just want to see those results. Yeah. It's way harder to be creative than – like anybody could be critical. Totally. Totally.

So it's like you're creating something each day. When you make like your current events post and put that out, that's not easy to do. Anybody could be critical. Totally. So it's like you're creating something each day. When you make your current events post and put that out, that's not easy to do. No, no. You're doing it very fast. We're polar opposites, brother. Yeah, I know. But you'll get backlash for – I mean here and there. I mean there's definitely – I mean I see a confidence.

There's more positivity than the negative stuff. So it's like the negative stuff is going to come. And it's like I look at it as like same thing with like restaurant reviews. It's like you see these owners who will like comment with the people who say something negatively. But it's like really the ones you want to focus on are the positive people because those are people who are tuning in. They'll tune in next time. At the same time as saying all this though, I also feel like within the comedy world, comics can maybe be the most critical of all. They're not going to like mouth off about it and try to ruin anybody.

But I feel like within your world, everyone's kind of like, this is good. That's not good. This is deserving. That's not deserving. Yeah, and they're not going to voice that necessarily online. So I think you'll get more. Comics are, you know, I think everybody, for the most part, we know how hard this is. So it's like at least publicly you're going to, you know, no one's really going out of the way unless somebody like really really somebody. Yeah. And then but you know, the joke or some shit.

Yeah. And even now it's like if you look at it, there's so much stuff online. People like people forget the next next thing like you don't want to you don't want. And sometimes somebody accusing somebody of stealing a joke. It's not like they actually stole a joke joke it's like maybe they just thought of the same thing like you never know so it's like unless there's like so many multiple you know instances where that this is happening then you can be like all right this person is clearly yeah when it's like a side by side and it's word for word and they were on tour with them or something like that sometimes people would be like oh i've heard uh that joke before and it's like well and then it's like they'll like say it and it's in this clip and it's like

that's me it's like you know no fucking way yeah it would be like that someone has tried to tell you yeah you stole a joke and then sent you a clip of your own shit they would say no that's not saying that they'll be like they'll they'll be naming like where like the joke and i heard it there i'm like this that that is me that said that at that comedy club that sums it up perfectly exactly that's unbelievable so a lot of times there's no evidence or it's like you never really know or if somebody could be like i've heard that before and it's like a premise but a premise is a common thing like people think of the same thing it really depends on the direction especially now where it would be one thing back in the day where

it's like you could really only get comedy at the clubs yeah and the occasional like hbo special or something for sure now it's like you're inundated with comedy yeah there's gonna be something and just like you know social media everyone's just trying to pump stuff out so it's like you just keep on going and it's like yeah there's gonna be a crossover of like similar thoughts and and and ideas what'd you think of when uh kat williams went nuclear uh that was the one guy who did say it all publicly yeah it was it was i mean yeah i mean that's it's great but it also and like goes back we're saying negative things that gets hit yeah you know so yeah if he sat there praising everybody yeah nobody would have talked about

that right but he did you know he did his thing and he had a special coming out you know so i wonder let me see what that's at i remember it being like it was on it was it was netflix right yeah no it was it was on youtube oh really yeah the the special might have been i'm saying oh yeah the podcast yeah that was on youtube and i remember it being like maybe like two or three days later it was like 28 million it was like it got to like 50 million crazy so i want to see what it's at now. Because that was, I think, on pace to be like the biggest podcast probably ever. Let's see where we're at here. 70 million. We got to beat that.

Everybody go click, click, click. You know who I hate? All right. Shane Gillis. No. That's a big name. You got to throw that out there. How about Shane getting in an Eminem video?

Oh, that's unbelievable. Yeah. I learned that from you yeah it was yeah that's unbelievable that i i said to shane i was like out of all the cool shit you've probably gotten to do over the over the last few years and lord knows there's a bunch i was like that might be the coolest to me oh it's unbelievable i mean he's on a rocket ship and like it's crazy what do you what's going on with this i said it was the white man super bowl. Yeah, no, that's amazing. You get all the Gillis fans, all the Eminem fans. Oh, it's unbelievable. I mean, who doesn't want to be in an Eminem video? Yeah.

I mean, you just must have been like, yeah, in a heartbeat. If you grew up, you know, with Eminem at all, because it's been an ugly run for him later in his career, but the beginning of his career, he was, you know, especially. Oh, unbelievable. I was like, you know, 13, 14, 15. Do you remember MTV Spring Break when that came out? Oh out i was like i was losing my mind i was like this is the coolest guy ever ever man white t-shirt jeans the dyed hair uh so for that reason why i like i took ecstasy i was like i was

like oh you should take pills yeah yeah i was like okay literally why like parents across america were trying to shut eminem down you are the poster child for it hands down I mean how old were you I did it for the first time

I was like 16 or 17 hell yeah man wow you're going after it it was actual legit like E

none of that Molly shit this was back in the day when it was ecstasy exactly this is like when you hear about like I didn't know

I never took Quaaludes but people would talk about it I was like this is what like ecstasy was yeah that like when you hear about uh like i didn't know what quail i never took quaaludes but people would talk about i was like this is what like ecstasy was our like yeah that's our version of quaaludes for sure yeah people talk about quaaludes like it's the fucking holy grail yeah yeah i never knew anything about it but i just know from like wolf of wall street yeah seeing that but then also like people back in the day like my i remember either my my parents friends were like talking about it one day and And I remember it always stuck with me. I'm like, wow, that seems pretty awesome.

I wonder if like the elite really, like if they still get like good shit. Could still get that. Yeah. Like it just seems to me like we hear so much about it. And I'm sure there's like a crooked scientist or chemist or whoever the fuck does it. Who's just like, I'll make them. I'll just make them for the rich people and sell them for like a billion dollars a pill. I bet, yeah.

But now it's like, we didn't have to, I mean, we weren't worried about like fentanyl and anything like that. I was like, I thought that was all that stuff like people ODing. Like, I mean, you're in high school and college, you think like all that stuff is like a myth. Like that's not gonna happen here.

Like nobody's like mixing things in. I sold coke in college get the fuck out and i did it because i moved weight gary yeah because i look like this so i figured i could get away with it so i did it for over two years but yeah but the flip side is like they could just fucking run you for your shit and take all your drugs and money no well so i was doing it because it was like in it i was in a fraternity so i was kind of keeping it like in-house between the fraternity, the sororities. You were like the plug. Yeah.

And then so I had that going for me. And then I did get robbed once, but it was when I wasn't at my apartment. So somebody like came in. They knew that like my roommates and I were all away. So they knew to like break in. Oh, so you just got your apartment robbed. You didn't get the drugs. Yeah, and I didn't even get the drugs.

Like nothing got stolen other than my laptop, which I just started writing some jokes on it. And I was so pissed that I lost that. Yeah. Probably had some gems on it. You could have maybe been like, well, there goes my comedy career. Go full-blown Heisenberg. That could have been a pivotal moment for you. Well, right when I was about to graduate, I was like, man, do I keep on doing this?

Because I left college. I probably made about $50,000. And I think I left college with about $25,000 was i was buying everything my mom had like no money and then so i was like i was paying for like everything when i was at college she was paying still paying for my tuition yeah but uh but i was paying for like all my expenses you can't like let your if you're if you start paying for everything your parents yeah yeah my tuition's still on you yeah and i graduated but like and i wasn't like crazy with doing it i did it i did it definitely a good number of times but i wasn't like there are kids who would be doing it

like seven days a week well i mean it's never get high on your own supply yeah one of the 10 crack commandments yeah and i stuck with that yeah how how did uh how'd that come about like how did how did you find the connection there's a kid that uh was my age in my fraternity and he was he was initially selling it and then he didn't want to do it anymore. He just felt like it was too risky. And I was like, oh, I'll take over. Passed down the family business? Yeah. And I was like, immediately saw like the opportunity. I was like, oh, let me do that. And then so I remember it was like, I mean, you know, the Jew in me, I was like, all right, let me go

from like everybody was selling grams. I was like, let me start selling 20 bags just to like keep on moving it as fast. So I was doing that and I was buying about uh i was buying let's see i was buying like quarter ounces as like are you chopping it and bagging it are you doing all that shit or was so i wouldn't i wouldn't chop i wouldn't like i would i would break it up i wouldn't like add anything right here you can cut it away yeah but of course i would like gary beaters moving that pure white yeah but i know yo gary beaters got the best coke in town let's go this guy from Queens is he said his name was Mike he was the one who would like drive it up he was eventually like my contact so I had to like find new people eventually over time because all these people like they stopped they stopped delivering new

no new like uh like a delivery yeah suppliers so uh yeah it was a whole a whole thing and bro you're super stressful yeah yeah it's like i've seen a ton of you come through kid like yeah just keep the product moving and shut the fuck up but you never know like i'm like i didn't know who he was connected with like he was the one he was like and he was bringing it up for like other people also but i'm sure he was bringing up like pounds yeah so it's a crazy it's a crazy thing to be uh around where you're like you don't think of the consequences as like we know when you're when you're a kid and you don't think anything could happen. But yeah, stuff could go down.

Well, your operation was probably small time. But the guy you're – I would have to give somebody up. Reporting to or like, yeah, two or three guys up is probably a fucking big deal. So yeah. Did you ever – any like run-ins where you almost got caught? No. Other than – so what happened was when my apartment got broken into, we were away and we had an alarm system.

And the alarm was going off when we came back. And this was going off for like two days. And I was like, why didn't the cops come if it was going off? And my roommates, they didn't pay the bill. So I was like – which worked out to my advantage because I had a place like with Coke on it that were in my room and they were all pay the bill. So I was like, oh, that's, which worked out to my advantage because I had a place like with Coke on it that were in my room

and it were all over the place. And I was like, oh, if cops came in here, they would have saw that and then I would have been screwed. And you would have snitched? Oh, 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you kidding me? Without a doubt. I'm snitching, right? I mean, like. Yeah, I'll give it all up. Listen, we're not doing good in prison. You know what I mean? I know. Guys like us are not going to do up listen we're not doing good in prison you know what I mean I know but guys like us

are not are not gonna do are not gonna fare well in prison that is fucking hilarious cause like you said like I I would not look at you

and think that's that's the biggest coke guy on campus and it was do you have any competition um is there ever any like yo

I sell to like Kappa Gamma or whatever the fuck the letters are no but I mean yeah there are other fraternities you know kids definitely sold but like it's you know any like yo i sell to like kappa gamma and you or whatever the fuck the letters are no but i mean yeah there are other fraternities you know kids uh definitely sold but like it's you know it's like who's available and it's like people always want you know we'd always want it and then uh and

they come to you they come to your dorm and you just do the well they would come to parties and i would do i would do at parties of course people would like knock on your door at points where you're like at like five in the morning like oh this is crazy people pounding they're like i know you're in there i'm like you know and so that's the stuff yeah yeah yeah that's the stuff that got like you're like oh come on i got i gotta get out of this but uh did you have any uh clients that you were like these guys are fucking fiends or was it all just like party party oh no they were fiends yeah i mean like total yeah i mean people who are doing it like you know i would say like they're

doing it along the lines of like four or five days a week and they're like oh this is like an issue because like you know college you have like their tuesday nights were party nights and this i went to university at buffalo so okay it was uh you know outside of like going to a bar and like doing drugs like there's not much to do yeah sports were terrible when i was there yeah i mean they're still not great but like they were never like ever competitive in anything. And then so like Tuesday nights were the party nights and then Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Dude, the thought of being at the University of Buffalo, it's bitter cold and you're like snowed in and you're just sitting there doing blocks. Right.

Exactly. It's not like you're at like Arizona State and you're at the pool party. It's like we're snowed in. You want to drink a bunch of beer and do coke? Totally. I mean, yeah, your options are limited. So you're getting fucked up. Yeah, huge party school.

And yeah, I was a fraternity that was an off-campus fraternity, so not even a legitimate one. And that's how it operated in Buffalo. And I'm sure it probably still does now. Yeah, yeah. That's almost better. By the way, I always wanted to like, I was like, oh, I'm going to be like sure like you know probably still does yeah yeah that's almost better you don't want them oh by the way I always wanted to like I was like oh I'm gonna be like this uh you know a comedian one day and I'm gonna go back and I'm like gonna hang out like the fraternity I'm like I don't even know what's going on and then nor do I ever want to do that I was gonna

say yeah it's never ever a thing but that was like I remember it was like you know like a year and I was like I'm gonna show everybody like I became a comedian and like I do this but it was like it never never pan off, it took forever. And then now it's like, oh, now I can't do it. Now I have two kids. I got a wife and stuff. Yeah, it's like the last thing I want to do. There's a few guys here that are going to do the Beer Olympics.

Okay. We have a podcast, Bustin' with the Boys. It's a couple of ex-football players. And they are the ones at the center of it. And so they're able to get a couple other football players and some famous podcasters and all that shit. And so a couple of the guys here are doing it. And I was not invited, but if I was, I was like, I cannot think of anything worse than that right now. Oh, it's rough.

Like, I can't drink anymore. I can't fucking, like like roughhouse and fight they're playing pool basketball and they're like throwing elbows and somebody can throw out the window punching holes through walls i'm like no way dude i want to sit on the couch and play video games for sure they those guys have an energy and i i've seen like the pockets and i see them like i'm like they have an energy that i don't have anymore i'm like i can't i don't do that i don't have if i get up too quickly i'm like, they have an energy that I don't have anymore. I'm like, I can't, I don't do that. Dude, if I get up too quickly, I'm like, oh boy, okay, my head's a little. I have a thing with my hip. Like, it's going to probably happen. Like, get the camera when I'm walking away after this is done.

I'm like, I'm going to be limping for at least like a minute. And it'll be good. I just like, my hip needs to get like readjusted. Yeah, I mean, they got all that, that like aggression and energy and all that shit to get out. And they don't have their regular, you know, outlet so yeah i mean that's just gonna meathead it up all the time yeah if they get angry i mean i assume they probably they're the guy like they'll just like punch a hole through the wall sure or a hole through your face yeah yeah whatever whatever's close on what the situation is yeah yeah final final work my co-host, was in, I believe, Pike, it is, the fraternity.

And they were known as, like, the in-shape fraternity. Like, they all lifted weights and shit. And he's actually jacked now. But he talked about a couple times going back to campus and them being like, you were in Pike? Are you sure you were? I don't think so. Where'd you go to school boredom

in the bronx here okay cool they had no frat life yeah there was nothing like that it was all together at the same time the worst and best decision like i ever made because it's like all of my best friends yeah you get the city life but the thing like the city's always going to be there what i didn't really get is a true four-year college experience because we were always at bars and there was a couple off-camp college experience because we were always at bars. And there was a couple off-campus apartments that acted as like frat parties. But they're not frat houses. There's not like big lawn parties.

There's not big sports. And we were like literally in the hood. And it's not like, oh, that's – it's just those kids couldn't handle that neighborhood. It was like that's actually bad neighborhoods. And so – but I met all the people, like all my best friends are from there. Yeah. And in a weird roundabout way,

I think blogging and podcasting and all that. Actually, I used to work at the radio a little bit. you had to focus on different, like find interest in different ways. Yeah. Yeah. Had I not gone there, I don't know where I would have ended up,

but I would probably do it differently if I did it all over again. Yeah. I always wanted, I wanted to go to a school that had sports i was like i was uh i played hockey as a kid i was like but i mean like i'm a small guy and i wasn't good enough to like go on and play college but i was like oh i would love to be like a uh a coach or something and like drop plays or like or do something like an agent or something right so i was like oh let me go to like a big sports school but they were so expensive and we didn't have the money to do it so i was like all right so i just went i went

also school half that shit never ends up coming to fruition no i would have been i would have been a coach oh yeah okay yeah yeah yeah it would have worked out sure sure sure so house of the dragon is back starting on uh sunday night and i've been re-watching because uh me i'm going i'm going into the basement with my boys. My mom's basement, me, Robbie, and Clem do a recap podcast every week. And so I'm re-watching season one to try to get back in the mode. And the whole theme is Team Green versus Team Black. And last week, I was like, if you're on Team Green, you're absolutely like a psychopath.

You're fucking crazy if you watch House of the Dragon and you're rooting for these guys. And then I'm like halfway through first season. And I was like, what am I talking about? This guy Damon is a piece of fucking shit. Like he murdered his wife. It's crazy. This guy Damon, he's like, he keeps talking about how he doesn't like his wife. And how ugly she is. And how he wants a new wife and he can't get rid of this one

and then she shows up on like episode 5 beautiful woman she's just like a very pretty actress and he makes her horse jump up in the air and fall down on her and gets paralyzed and then he smashes her to death with a rock and I'm like team black yeah

I remember that the ending I think because I'm watching it back to back to back it's like different now And I'm like, Team Black. Yeah! I remember that the ending, I think because I'm watching them back to back to back, it's like different now. And I'm pretty sure by the end of the season, the Green Team and Allison are just absolutely like the most unlikable assholes in the world. But as I'm watching it back, I'm like,

I don't think I like anybody. It is some wild shit on House of the Dragon. It is really, they went back to the original Game of Thrones where it's incest and murder and, you know, dirty politics and all of that stuff. So it's back on Sunday night. It's following the brutal murder of Rhaenyra's son. House Targaryen is split into two.

Westeros is on the brink of civil war. There's dragons everywhere. Babies being born. Men versus women. All sorts of stuff. It's available on Max. So pick your side. Team green, team black.

Don't miss the show everyone will be talking about on Sunday nights. Season 2 of House of the Dragon premieres this Sunday at 9 p.m. on Max. See how the rivalry began by watching Season 1 and listen to the official podcast on Max or wherever you get your podcasts. What are your sports teams? I love the Rangers and I love the Knicks. You guys just can't get over the hump. I know. Well, so I'm doing this podcast now.

Do you know anything about my story? So back in the early 90s, my dad and I— Oh, yes. He was a con man, i oh yes like he was a con man right yeah he was a con man and then uh we impersonated where i would uh impersonate a sports illustrated for kids reporter and he impersonated sports illustrated for kids photographer yes and we did this in the 90s so this is where i became a nixon a rangers hell yeah because we'd be going to the garden and uh we went there over 50 times without tickets i've heard i've heard legend of this but i don't think I've ever talked to you about it. And they gave us press passes and everything.

And I would interview the Knicks, the Rangers, and then also players on the visiting teams as well. Was your dad like, here's what we're doing, kid? Yeah. I was so into sports. You're not coming up with this idea, right? I didn't. I was getting Sports Illustrated for kids. And my dad, he saw the opportunity. He's like, all right, this is a chance for us to go to the game. And he was doing every aspect of his life was always a con.

Okay, so he was like a uh in early 80s he was in a furniture business and like he wouldn't be delivering on the furniture that would be given to like some of the people so it's like things like that eventually got sued by the attorney general of for new york state and then so like there's a huge like uh newspaper article with it where it was like over like 100 grand where that he stole back in the 80s so it's like money yeah equivalent of like a half a million now did he catch a case did he get he always so the other thing is a lot of times he would always figure loopholes out in the court system and ways out of it so as far as i was able to uh figure out he never did any like any actual time

wow but uh but yeah there are times where it's like yeah his businesses were forced to shut down yeah i'm on to the next hustle yeah and then i love that man that's a great podcast idea so are you just chronicling that yeah so chronicling all the scams ones that I know of ones that I don't

I'm talking to different family members but the catch is my dad and I we stopped talking when I was 15 so it's been it was 24 years

since we last talked and I have to figure out like you know what he's up to and I'm gonna try and track him down that's what the podcast is yeah

and then hopefully I could like like, get him on. Wow. Yeah, it's 10 episodes. So right now – And it comes out June 10th. Okay, so 10 episodes, June 10th. YouTube, I'm assuming? I say it's on wherever you get your podcast.

So the first episode – Okay, yeah. The first episode and the second episode drop, and it's just – it's on iHeartRadio, and it's – but it's like you could just search it for whatever podcasts are. So you right now, if you wanted to talk to him you you know what you don't know how to get in contact with him so leading up to the podcast I was trying to figure it all out so part of the suspense is if I'm going to actually talk to him in like 10 episodes so

it's like that that I'm leaving open open-ended but uh but yeah but the whole thing is like figuring it out. If like, did he make these decisions of like being a crook, being a comment for the betterment of the family. But eventually it led to obviously my mom divorcing him. I have two older sisters. Both of them stopped talking to him. And I mean, there are reasons behind it.

And you're like, am I remembering everything that I think I remember as a kid? Is it actually true? Yeah, man. You start to learn about other things in your family far less serious. But you're like, oh, wait a minute. That's not what was going on. Right.

Or you just told me that because of this. Yeah. And it's like I'm sure there were some truths and half-truths. Yeah. And then maybe some of the lies were – it goes both ways. Yeah, and part of the thing with like when you're doing a story on a comment, you're like there are a lot of lies. So you're like trying to map up like what is actually true, and that's what I try and figure out. But like as far as the Sports Illustrated stuff goes, we'd be going to games, and this was like the best memory I ever had with my dad of us going to these games. And I like to believe that he

did it for me but he also is somebody who loved conning so you know I'm sure he enjoyed the rush for the the Knicks game he was just doing it for the rush yeah he wouldn't care and I mean I met you know I mean so many I mean every like the 90s Knicks were incredible and then the 90s Rangers I was at game one game five and game seven of the Rangers Stanley Cup series. Yeah, 94. And I sat glass when the Rangers won the Stanley Cup. How old were you at that point? I was 10 years old. Okay, yeah. And yeah, and then after the game, I went in the locker room when they won the Cup.

And then I went to the after party. I went to Gracie Mansion a few days later. And you don't talk to this guy anymore? Yeah, yeah, I know. He sounds like a great guy. But yeah, whatever happened. Maybe at the end of the podcast, he reveals that i'm actually the piece of shit it's like yeah your mom was just yeah yeah like mom he's perfect dude i would be very interested in that for multiple reasons but if you have

the like did you ever watch the jinx with with robert durst yeah yeah like the fact that the show actually caught up to real time and then there was a payoff, if there's something like that, that has a lot of potential. The podcast is me learning from the past but then also trying to track it down and learn. I talk to different people, not only my sisters but people that worked with my, to get a real better understanding of who he was. I talked to a therapist. I talked to a couple comedians, but it just follows me on a path. And it's very tight. Every episode is only 30 minutes, so it's very tight.

So it just goes on a path, and it kind of has a TV show-type vibe. Where do you think it will go? What are the chances you think you will go like i mean what are the chances you think you end up doing an episode with him um i mean it i mean it's hope i mean i'm holding out because he always loves an opportunity so that's like the goal that that he would want to do it and uh i i wrote an article for sports illustrated with uh detailing this originally that's what kind of got this podcast going yeah and uh i know that he uh he saw it and and uh he's a very litigious person and i don't think he cared that i put that

out there but uh the podcast definitely reveals a lot of stuff about like his cons and really like puts a lot of insight into who he is so i'm not really sure like how his take will be yeah uh once he hears it i mean part of me would feel like if it was there's something uh a little bit like cool about hustling and skiing i think it's a cool i think it's a cool thing especially back in the day because now it's a lot of people who can't like uh it ruined my family business so fuck you you know like there is a very dark side of it where it's like you are taking advantage of other people which in some ways is like the lowest thing you can do right but you mean toe that line of like as long as there's not like a real victim and i'm sure in some cases there were so it wasn't great but if it's like yeah we're scheming we're getting into the game

or we're you know hustling our way through this thing or that thing yeah there is something very you know uh it's like dicaprio and catch me if you can very romanticized about it where it's like a skill almost yeah i wish i had that there's so many talker for sure there yeah there's so many things i learned about him it was like you know it's i mean it really is like very similar to catch me get like like somebody said that he impersonated an attorney and then he represented this guy in court as a favor. There's another one where he's like, oh, he impersonated being a police officer, things like that.

My dad had a Chevy Caprice, which is like an Omar cop car. And he would use that to his advantage and he'd pull people over when he would feel like it. And this is like, this is with me around. This is with other people around. he would feel like it so and this is like this is with me around this is with other people around so there's like it's not just me you know uh spewing this out yeah other people as well yeah and uh but yeah that's who he was and confidence you know yeah i mean yeah yeah man right that's the term yeah it's not to be like cliche but that is the

most important thing of it and he just exuberated it. Jackie knows it. Jackie went to the Jets game? She just was like first of all she went alone to Sunday Night Football which is the craziest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life. I'm sorry. Is everything okay? But she just

But I bought a ticket but then it just didn't it was fake tickets. She bought a ticket that was fake and then the guy just let you in, right, because you were, like, crying or something? Yeah, yeah. And then you – but you just started walking into VIP sections, just, like, just walk through, like, with your head just up. You just kept crying. People just kept letting you in. Yeah, it's probably a little different when you're a girl.

But if you act like you belong somewhere, you know, the security guard or the person at the desk or whatever is going to go like, I don't know, I guess they're – it's like – it's hard to really scheme and scam. But if you just put like 1% extra of confidence, it's amazing what you can get away with. For sure. I mean things are definitely different now. You guys know with like getting press passes. But like how – I remember like when Portnoy would sneak into NFL games. Does he still have to do – like does he still – It was media day.

He doesn't even like want to go anymore. But they are definitely still banned I think for sure. Oh, so it was just media day that – because he didn't get escorted out. He got kicked out of the one game because he was – yes, because at that point he was banned from I think like everything. Yeah. He put on the mustache and everything. Yeah, but it's like things like that that you try and do to like – you figure a way in. And yeah, it's amazing.

It's amazing. Like even with the disguise that he was able to get it. But like now it's like technology with like facial recognition. That's the thing. Hustling in the 60s, 70s, 80s, even 90s. You just need to stay under the radar yeah yeah as long as you don't get too greedy whatever there's no cameras there's no goddamn 9-11 fucked us it's really what happened yeah you can't scam anymore i know i mean that's the real victims i mean yeah yeah exactly yeah exactly yeah the terrorists really yeah the terrorists really screwed us over in that way

um man that is a really i us over in that way um man that is a really i i could see that like the internet taking you know taking a liking to that and like yeah i mean that's what i mean i would love to like because i mean there's so many interesting things that happen of like growing up with him and just like you know i mean he would be involving me in things that you know if we're in a car he'd purposely get into a fender bender to like so he could get you know file a false insurance claim but and then also tell me to act like my neck hurts too so like so it's like of course you're just going along with it right along with your dad it's like you know if we're at a restaurant and it's just like you know uh like you know piece of glass was

like on the table i remember one time i accidentally like like cut my finger just a very small cut and then my dad just starts complaining you know at the restaurant saying like that i got like cut badly and you know and it's like and then you know they're comping our meals and things like that were you old enough did you get old enough at a point where you were like dad come on like oh yeah i mean like we were doing the sports illustrated scam up until i was 14 and it's like i mean i yes i looked young so like he's definitely using that to his advantage. But it's like at that moment where I was like, can we just buy tickets like a normal father and son?

There's a certain point where you just want your relationship with your dad to be that. You want it to be a father and son relationship. And I would look at all my friends and like, these were things I couldn't share with my friends. I couldn't tell them how I was meeting all these players. Eventually it got to the point where I was like, like dad let me just like tell them that like you know somebody yeah and he agreed to that and uh and so i was able to share a lot of the pictures and

things like that with them but i like their pictures with me with press passes like i couldn't show them that right that you had to be a little uh more secretive about i don't want to pry too much but it sounds like as you talk about it you remember it fondly but then it just reached a point where yeah i mean this was like too much this was hands down the best memory i have of my dad and i and then uh but yeah everything after that it like you know as you get to that age of 14 you realize like this is everything he does and you kind of get sick of it and you just want to you want it to be as normal as possible yeah yeah yeah i could definitely see that but for an audience who is not sick of it you know they're like tell me more like what else for sure yeah yeah so like and that's why i'm like all like you know when i i talk to my

sisters on it it's amazing like you know their recollection of things and the things that that they were uh put in a position to do by him and like whether you know like mentioned like the false insurance claims but like one of my sisters she like um she in high school she got uh whacked with like a lacrosse stick by this kid and this kid's family had money and my dad like found that out and with his cop car he pulled this kid over and found out like i guess a whole bunch of like his information you know found out that like made him like admit that he did it and then eventually then they filed the lawsuit against that family and then they went out and kate like when when the case out so but it's like it's things like this that like my dad would use to like capitalize yeah i know yeah it's crazy um and then yeah my my other sister was just like she was uh by the time she was like out of the

house like some of her memories are more about like his furniture scams and things like that but he um he yeah a lot of things he did was like impersonating you know different people and uh he was in like in the phone business so like you know would take good care of everyone's like uh phone lines and for different restaurants and things like that and he also had pay phones and they'd be in different locations uh back in the early 90s and he would take me on these collections where he'd be collecting from the pay phones and sometimes there'd be a competitor's pay phone next to his and now yeah i mean he'd be smashing the headsets he would with me there he'd be taking it off the wall they'd be in they'd be put in the car i'd be the lookout of that you know you tell me to honk if i saw somebody coming

he would tell me to go up to i saw somebody coming yeah he would tell me to go up to the payphone put gum in the coin slots things things like that so people wouldn't use it and this is in new york this was all new york yeah long island and then new york that's where everything was based that is some funny shit yeah it was wild so yeah i feel like that like had to trickle down to you in some way or or is it the opposite are you like oh well yeah i mean i saw that there's i guess you were selling coke and yeah yeah yeah right right so he never did that but he gave me the reason to be like you know he always taught me that i mean and these were the lessons that he taught was that there's always a way to figure something out yeah you know oh you

need money how could you get obviously like drugs is an easy way but like why me like well i don't look like your typical drug dealer and you know uh especially like back you get it? Obviously like drugs is an easy way, but like, why me? Like, well, I don't look like your typical drug dealer. And then, you know, uh, especially like back then. So it was like, it looked, it was like a perfect thing where I'm like, oh, this seems like a flawless plan. At least there is something interesting when, if, if you're struggling and your back's against the wall, you'll get creative. Yeah. Like you'll find a way to make that money. You know, and there are definitely, obviously you could have gotten a job. You could have done things like honestly, but like my dad, you know, his way of going about was be dishonest and like, oh, and it seems like fun.

These fun ways of being dishonest. It's better than sitting at your desk. Yeah. But yeah, like college was, I would steal exams. There was an accounting class that had a class in the morning and I was in the afternoon class. And what they would do is, oh, they would lay out exams in alphabetical order so i was like oh let me just go into the first class take one random person's exam and then i'd have two hours to give it to

somebody smart to to figure it out so i stole a midterm i stole a final and like these are like the things that like my dad taught me about like figuring out that there's a way yeah that's great man yeah it's a fun way to live life yeah but you know but those are the perfect things where it's like i'm not hurting anybody and i'm gonna get an a on my test like yeah you know but then there's things that you know are scary like when i started doing comedy i'm like can he just show up somewhere that i'm performing like i and these are things like you know i wasn't uh back then i wasn't ready to ever see him again and then so like this kind of the podcast that i'm doing it really picks up when uh i just i had my first kid and uh you know i just kind of uh really start uh thinking about like all these memories that i had

with my dad and and uh you know there's not a lot of time left and and you'll see you know you know what fatherhood has done and like maybe maybe my dad is a different person now too. What was it called again? Number one dad. Man, that is going to be very captivating. That's very interesting. Do you have any idea where he is right now? Did he stay in the area? As far as I

know, he's been back and forth from Israel. He's battling Hamas. No, I'm just kidding. Wouldn't that be know imagine that like we tracked him down he's on the front lines over there but israel and then like back to like you know could be like long island could you know could have moved like is just figuring it out so i don't necessarily know uh where he could be at but like trying to figure that out yeah get the movie rights to this shit.

Do a little catch me if you can part two. Yeah. Well, I mean, I think like as far as movie rights go, I definitely would need his like approval to an extent, but it's, uh,

there is like, you know, coming up from like how I, uh, how I lived and like what I saw is, you know, is like really like, it's a crazy,

it was like my dad was, I was like, my dad was supposed to be this person that teaches you how to be like a good person. And then he was doing everything like opposite, but to, but to his way, it was like, this is how life is supposed to be lived. I was going to say, you know, sometimes it's like, yes, you should teach your kid to be a standup person and live life that way. But I think of it more as like you got to teach your kid how to get from here in life to here in life. And you can go the straight way or you can kind of go the wiggly way. And sometimes I think it's a little more realistic to teach your kid.

It's not going to just be like get a job, work hard. You're going to get a promotion. You're going to get a raise. As a matter of fact, when you do all that shit by the book you usually end up you know spinning your wheels and somebody's stepping on your head to get above you who's scheming and scamming so yeah you know a little balance of that is is so i so you as a father have you ever had some thoughts of like oh doing something with the shit with your kid because like you said it was your fondest i mean i you know it was but yeah i if anything i'm like i would want my kid to like experience like the games like the way that i wanted to experience it like oh like i got like

a father and son because i also i never experienced that so i'm like let me try this right right that's true you never just went to the game yeah it'd be cool to experience that so um yeah but uh yeah there are things where i'm like oh like i could totally just like show him him to steal this or just like this is how you talk to somebody. Here's how you shoplift. Here's how you get into a place. Right, right, right. I feel like I have almost a seven-year-old boy now. Good athlete, by the way.

I see the clips. Dude, he's fucking great, man. He's really playing good. He doesn't have the mentality yet, though. He's very emotional. Oh, okay. Yeah, but that's hard. It's a very hard line.

Yeah. Like the baseball coaches will be like, not yelling at him, but they'll be like, come on, like do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he turns to me and I can see his tears welling up. Right, right. And I'm like, in the moment, I want to be like, you know. Yeah.

Man up. But it's like I don't want to upset him right right that's a very fine line so yeah it's because you want to keep them motivated but you don't want but you also want to keep but you want to keep them like still like engaged and still love yes i don't want them to be like you know fuck this i hate you guys make them run like next to the car you went two for three that that to me has been – my daughter is a very good dancer and gymnast. And she plays – she likes basketball too. And then my son plays basketball, baseball.

We did a little bit of flag football. To me, that's been like the funnest part of fatherhood so far is doing that stuff. That like – everything else, you know, you love when your kids are babies and you have those special moments. But what I personally like is sports. And now it's know happening and very lucky that they're they're pretty good at it so it's like oh this is awesome yeah it's like we get like many more years of this like let's fucking go yeah i want to make sure they like it and have fun it is you know i cannot believe you hear all the stories about like sports parents and uh then you see it in action and it's like oh it's gross fucking

assholes really like don't have the self-awareness to go like oh wait i'm being one of those people right now like yeah completely ruining hockey like hockey parents were i mean they're all bad but like i i saw you know firsthand with hockey parents and like and hockey parent because it's like especially when when kids start hitting each other it's like that's where it gets i would not be there'll be fights in the stands. And you're like, what is going on? And sometimes like, and of course when a fight happens like on the ice between two kids, it's like parents are in a square.

Exactly. And you're paying a lot of money and it's 4 a.m. for ice time, 11 p.m. Yeah, I tried taking, so my kid just turned four, the oldest one, and I was taking him ice skating. And I'm so happy he's not really he doesn't really like it i loved hockey but i'm like he likes the rangers but i'm so happy it's so expensive yeah it's so such a time commitment it really might be on my wife and i can't i know that she would hate it and not only that i travel so much for comedy that i wouldn't want them to be away like on a weekend that like i'm home now I have to then I have to like also go to you know it's too much so I'm happy that like he likes watching hockey so

far like a little bit but he doesn't he and he doesn't he doesn't care for actually like playing bro my kids I've never seen a hockey stick yeah I've never seen a puck they don't know it's such a fun sport they don't even know what hockey is it I do not want to deal with that shit. It's crazy. And it's like, I think it leads to so many relationships ending with families. Because it's like, you have to bring, like one kid might like hockey, one kid might not. But that kid's going to the rink also. So it's just like, it sucks. Yeah, it's terrible. But I lived in a hockey rink when I was a kid from like 7 until I was like 18.

And it's just – yeah, it's a lot. Yeah, that's not my jam. But I definitely want to teach him like how to handle yourself. Yeah, he must think what you do is like the coolest thing. They don't really know it yet. They don't really get it yet. I haven't really explained it like fully and they just the only thing that they really see is when people recognize me yeah yeah and i and i i realized i kind of made a mistake in that every time somebody

want to take a picture or something they asked me who is that and i said that's somebody i know or they know me from work and they thought it meant we work together. And of course, cause it sounds that way. Yeah. Yeah. They don't know me, you know? So they were like,

you work with so many people, like everybody. And, uh, and so just recently there's been a couple videos I've shot. We did, we did like a, uh,

survivor type thing. And we did a rat, um, amazing race type video. And so I showed them those cause it was like, look, I'm on a reality show competing. And I think they're starting to get it. And like a couple of the other kids are like, your dad's on Instagram and a couple of teachers. No.

And it's like, so we're almost there. And I mean, it's not like I'm hiding it or anything, but it's just a weird thing to start to explain, you know? Particularly because I also don't want them to really be on the internet. And it's hard for me to enforce that if I'm on the internet myself all the time. So I'm like, the longer I can keep that. I would love for them. I don't want to be like a weird, like, you can have all the technology and shit. I just don't want you to be dealing with the social media shit.

Because I am a grown- ass adult who has been through like the fire and i still struggle with how people treat me and what they're what's being said yeah so how the fuck is a 10 year old and a nine-year-old like i mean that's my goal is to like hold them out on like yeah because i mean as soon as that happens and they start feeling like oh i'm not getting likes on certain stuff and and like or looking at what other people are doing, they lose complete focus. But do your kids watch YouTube shorts and things like that? That's the thing.

It sucks. I know. You just want that to like – because their attention span is so small. I know. Oh, so you mean specifically the shorts? Yeah. I don't know if it's actually shorts.

They're on YouTube for sure. My kids aren't on the shorts yet but yeah they'll watch like right now my my oldest he'll watch uh you i got him to watch the original ghostbusters all the way through which i was like i was like like that i was proud of him so i recently did space jam nice rookie of the year yeah mighty ducks one mighty ducks two and they liked them all and i'm like yo i got 25 more of these like i'll go to 1994 we can start banging out movies like so that that is that made me very happy like they know i love that they know who michael jordan is because of space jam but they talk about michael jordan and lebron james and i'm like this is awesome that's good you know that really like

that that shit pumps me up where the fact that they can make it through movies is amazing. That's a huge thing. But yours is still young. Yeah, it's still young. We didn't do movies until – I mean my son is turning seven and he still will grab his iPad and be like, when is this movie over? And he starts watching something else. So you still got a ways. I wouldn't – I don't think they can do like two hours.

Yeah, definitely not. Surprisingly, Ghostbusters he made it through but then I was like oh he did that I'm like let me take I took him to see the movie If and that movie that movie sucked

If is like John Krasinski made a movie it's like imaginary friend yeah it sucked I mean like I mean we talk about like being creative and stuff

but like I'm sorry man that movie like I don't even care it's like it wasn't even a good like kids movie but yeah that anyway and Ryan Reynolds is in it but yeah we both you guys yeah yeah we we made it maybe like an hour and i was like trying to get like and he was just like done

he had like all the candy and stuff but he had the movie theater experience yeah that's he wants to go back that too yeah we leave early but it's like yeah the whole thing was there yeah we did super mario brother movie when that came out that was great oh nice yeah but yeah he's still young and like he loves uh i mean yeah he loves like the stuff on youtube where you're like i don't even know what the you know what this stuff is it was uh it was a important moment for me when um keegan watches a lot of gamer streams he likes video games so he watches the kids playing and he started to talk like them and one day he called me bruh he was like like what's up bruh and i was like oh shit you really are picking up on all this stuff and he's using all these terminology from the gaming world you know he's like are you a noob or uh did you get pwned or

whatever you know oh shit you really are like soaking all of this in yeah that's great yeah they love watching that's another thing watching somebody play video games you ever remember like when you would uh play video games and like it wasn't your turn you'd just be waiting yeah like this sucks yeah you'd be in a room but now it's like you know what as much as i was waiting for my turn there was times where i would watch like my brother yeah be like you know oh shit you killed him or whatever you know so like there is something to that they just do it on the computer now but it's it's such a fine line between like being a normal parent and recognizing that like this is going to be their life they're going to live in the world with technology and all that shit but also being like can we hold on as

long as possible it's so hard once other kids start having phones and shit it's like yeah now your kids are like the losers who don't have it that's that's a whole other thing and you want to like get in touch with your kid if that's especially on divorce so it's like yeah i'm like can can they can we have like you know they can have a iphone but just just uh to reach you reach me or whatever you know so it's a whole it's a whole thing and i'm just stumbling my way through it but yeah that's that's what life is right i know yes god it's hard yeah i know like i'm I'm just stumbling my way through it. But that's what life is, right? I know. Yeah, it's hard.

Yeah, I know. I'm trying to just not be my dad for the most part. Maybe take the good aspect. Yeah, I was going to say take the good piece, and the rest is I teach him how to do it. Well, man, that's awesome. It sounds like it's a good time in your career right now. That's cool. Yeah, I'm hoping.

Yeah, the special just came out, and then the podcast comes out on June 10th. And you said you have two episodes done, or did I? So we have 10 episodes done. Oh, shit. Yeah, everything's complete. Oh, shit. Okay. So I know if I met my dad or not.

Oh, you son of a bitch. Yeah, I just can't say. Oh, you motherfucker. I just can't say. Yeah, I just can't say. Oh, I thought it was like as these start to roll out, maybe my dad hears about it or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but it's everything that's done.

There's music. It's like a whole production that went into it. So I was working on it for over two years of getting it together and making sure. Yeah, I think definitely there's a payoff and people will like it. Ordinarily, I would end the podcast and make you tell me off Mike I don't want to know I want to go on this journey I'm going to watch I'm going to listen that's great man

alright so June 10th number one dad and it could be worse he's out now on YouTube and I'm sure tickets and all that Gary Veeder yeah GaryVeeder.com and then yeah come out to his show awesome man really appreciate it thank you man GaryVeeter.com. And then, yeah, that'll be, yeah, come out to a show. Awesome, man. Really appreciate it. Thank you, man.

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