KFC Radio - KFC Does a Show With a Soft Headed Human Ft. Frank Grillo

Episode Date: September 14, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, Share, and Leave a Review! Subscribe to our youtube: barstool.link/KFCRADIO - Come to Our Live Show on Wednesday! Buy Tickets here: https://www.ticketweb.com/event/kfc-radio-carolines-on-broadway-tickets/11295035 - Recap of “NYC Still Rising After 20 Years: A Comedy Celebration” show that KFC and Feits attended with all the biggest comedians, including a very drunk Dave Chappelle - We play the violin - Feits' mom used to use Feits' baby head as a stress ball - Feits has a Varicose Vein (grandma vein) - What's the grossest thing on your body? - What's the weirdest name of someone you fucked? - Top 5 most insensitive 9/11 posts of all time - Voicemails - Feits goes to Russian (?) Baths - Voicemails - traffic and have to pee or hungry in DMV line - Porn reality TV show - "You had to be there" moments - 02:11:28 - Frank Grillo on only doing cool movies, Irish vs Italians, Captain America and much more Let us know what you think on Twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @JNics415 @nickhammy5 @Joshua__DM @macczack21 @mikeypavssYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I got the best dick tip in the world. My dick head, I would put up against any dick head in the world. Swear to God. Absolutely swear to God. So, but you like balls. All right. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Today we got Frank Grillo on the show.

Stuntman extraordinaire, action movie star. He's in literally all of my favorite movies of all time. 56-year-old fucking sex bomb. If you took all of our best attributes, put them together, multiplied it by two, we'd be like halfway. If you took all the best attributes of people who are better than us, then he'd be 56-year-old Frank Grillo. We got top fives and voicemails and all that coming as well. Today, this week, though, Wednesday, September 15th, back on stage

at Caroline's in Manhattan. So if you are in New York City, come through. I don't think there's any restrictions. I don't think anything's crazy. I think it's just a regular-ass show. So full capacity. Tickets still available. Go to carolines.com and you can get tickets. We're going to hang

out afterwards, drink some beers, take some pictures. Really, our show is just like a happy hour. It's just like, come through and we're going to drink and talk. I think, actually, so last night We went to the 9-11 Tribute show

At MSG And I thought Parts of that Were like our show Yeah It was like Kind of buzzed People just talking

Yeah I don't know If it was a selling point Or not The selling point to me Yeah It wasn't like This like

Actually they I've performed buzzed before I've performed drunk before Not like our shows But like We've done live streams And shit like that At like fucking Bars I mean we've done live streams and shit like that at like fucking bars I mean I've performed

drunk as shit like I mean performed on live streams at like Hurricane O'Reilly and shit like that I have never been on performed as drunk as Dave Chappelle was Dave Chappelle was absolutely hammered we will talk about it it's yeah but I mean their show when it's a

bunch of friends they're just kind of like, all right, who's next? Like, come on up. No big deal. It's not like it has to be like this perfect thing that flows. That's kind of our show. She kept breaking. It was a very much a barstool different show.

The mic didn't work. That's exactly what happens to us. Many times. Put the over under at 1.5. One and a half mic problems on our show. Take the over every time. Let's say audio problems. Because also sometimes music just doesn't play.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're like, play the clip. This doesn't work. Or I'll come out there and I just start talking. It's like. So, yeah. It's a 9-11 remembrance show with 15 of the greatest comics of all time. Very similar to KFC Radio Live.

Yeah, yeah. It was exactly the same. They were multiple times. And guess what? Way cheaper ticket than KFC Radio. Yes Yeah, it was exactly the same, I thought. They were multiple times. And guess what? Way cheaper ticket than KFC Radio. Yes, yes. Way, way, way cheaper. And you get to, like I said, you get a meet and greet built in, basically, because we're fucking morons.

We don't charge for it. Yeah, you know people charge to talk to them? It's crazy. We just go to the bar. It's crazy. I'm telling you right now, get it in while you can. We're charging for meet and greets next. Fuck it.

Everybody else does if I'm gonna die from coronavirus I might as well get an extra 20 bucks if I'm gonna die from the delta variant I might as well be able

to fucking take an uber home rather than subway go to carolines.com check out all of our social media doors I think are at 8 shows at 8 I think doors at 7

I don't know fucking figure it out yourself and we'll see you there Wednesday night. KFC Radio Live is back, baby. Today's episode of the show is brought to you by Cop Shop. Oh! Makes sense why Frank Grillo's on the show.

Things just really lined up there. Started to click. So there's this guy named Teddy, and everyone's trying to kill him. So on purpose, he gets himself locked up in jail so that he can survive the night. This is Gerard Butler. No, no, Teddy's Frank Grillo. Hey, if I looked at the cop shop, it would have been nice for a screener. Just saying.

Just saying. Just throwing that one out there. That's, I think I'd rather just take my chances with the bad guys than go to jail. Well, he's in jail. See? I'll fill you in here. Okay. Jail is different than prison.

Right. He's just in, like, a one-night jail. Yeah, I've been to jail. I've never been to prison. I'm not going to prison. Right, right. But then the problem is the most badass hitman gets himself locked up, too, so that he can kill Teddy. And, by the way, the movie that we're talking about is all sports fans.

It's called Cop Shop. And the hitman is played by Gerard Butler. You know him from, you know, Everything Has Fallen. Insert thing. Insert word. Has Fallen. Yeah, Night Has Fallen coming out soon. Yes, Night Has Fallen is the fourth installment of the Fallen franchise.

I fall in love with franchises because franchises are fun, and this is a great one. Yeah. And Cop Shop added to the fucking list so uh go check it out it's rated r only in theaters on friday grillo in it gerard butler in it the next great you know action hero action fun jam pack i've seen many approved for this they were on all day on nfl sunday uh it looks awesome it's it's just perfect right it's right up your alley. It's people talking shit and things blowing up. It's perfect. Last night was right up my alley.

It was a comedy show, dark humor, about a horribly tragic life experience. Sign me up. I felt awkward last night. Did you? I think we both felt awkward because you know what I noticed? And this, I think, is actually kind of a negative review of a comedy show. I kept trying to change it, but we both sat like this a lot. Well, okay, I'll tell you why I sat like that.

Because of your fat fucking arms. Well, I was sitting like this too. Yeah, but you were – because you're bigger than I am. You were, like, into my space. And then Raina was on my side, so I didn't want to, like, be in her space. So I was either sitting... I had to sit like this. You were getting time out?

Yeah. I got bitched. I got bitch-seated. Bro, they weren't even fucking... So then my arms were kind of like... There was no armrest because we were on the floor seats with just the fold-out chairs.

So I don't like that to begin with. When I'm just sitting like this, I hate that. I need a good armrest in my life So I don't like that to begin with. When I'm just like sitting like this, I hate that. I need a good arm rest in my life. Oh, see, I don't know if you've noticed. When I get in, I pop them up. I know. It's crazy because you've got your fat fucking brolic-y arms out there flapping in my way.

So then I needed to like – like when you do this, you kind of like lock your arms. You know what I mean? They just kind of – you don't have to hold them up at all. So we were both – yeah, we were sitting like that. But that's because I didn't want to like go into her space and you're taking up 6% of my space. 6%? Yeah, you were just like a slitter.

That's not a very big number. No, it's not. But it was just enough that like if I were to just like put my arms out, we would just be like arm to arm the whole time and nobody wants that. Nobody wants to just be like flush arm to arm. Kevin, I'm going to be honest, baby. I'd be fucking totally fine just standing here arm to arm with you. I'm going to hold you to the whole show. Can I give you – you want to do the whole show like this?

I'll give you my one negative review and we'll get into the positives. This is not like a thing like we love the show. It was four and a half hours. That's my review. That was too long. Like I was just – I'm not doing that. I was just like I needed to get up.

Like my ass was hurting. Like I was like I've been just sitting in this chair for four and was just – like I needed to get up. Like my ass was hurting. Like I was like I've been just sitting in this chair for four and a half hours. I got to go, bro. And even – four and a half hours is long to do anything. But laugh in particular because like most shows are – most comedy shows, specials are all an hour for a reason. You get your laughs in and then like you get it out. Obviously different because everyone was doing like 20 minutes rather than full sets. But four and a half hours is a long time to laugh.

Four and a half hours is too long for anything that's not sleep. That's it. Think about it. What else can you do in the world for four and a half hours? Even a flight. Yeah. Because I think when we went to Vegas, the four hours were fine. You watched two movies, movie and a half, movie and a show, whatever.

That last half hour, you're like, get me the fuck out of here. Taxiing and shit. It's like, no! So, all right, but here's why I felt weird. I was thinking, like, it was so star-studded. Let me give you the exact rundown of everyone. Because it was, like, the lineup to end all lineups. Arguably one of the best ever on stage.

It was. Carly Aquilino and Jay Pharoah opening up. Pete Davidson and Jon Stewart emceed the event. It was Pete Davidson's idea. Jon Stewart was kind of like the host, if you will. Then Jimmy Fallon, Colin Quinn, Amy Schumer, Dave Attell, Wanda Sykes, Bill Burr, Lynn Coplitz, Sam Jay, Tom Segura, Colin Jost, Michael John Mulaney, Dave Chappelle.

Chris Rock jumped in. With a Chris Rock appearance. Chris Rock surprise guest. It was like as unbelievable as it gets. So I'm sitting there thinking like this is either going to be, and we're at the garden. I'm like this is jam packed a lot of people and I'm thinking this is either going to be

you're an A-list celebrity or like your parents died in 9-11 and then there's us who got tickets like we got hooked up with a couple tickets bro we didn't even pay money for a charity event that's a good point i never realized that we would do a charity event for free i was the whole time i was thinking like can i like venmo a charity while i'm here the whole time i was like i'm not because I paid $6 for a water. It was a regular-sized Aquafina. They didn't even give me a cap. I was like, all right, give that to the victim's fund, please.

Oh, the upcharge, I get why. Give that to Tunnels to Towers. Like, all right, this was $1.50 the rest goes to charity right the widows are like that the water money goes to the widows water for widows for John over here I was so I got us both the water

and I was so like yep cool here you go and then like an hour later I took it and sipped water I was like wait did I pay $12 to get two waters. The fuck was that?

That's a 9-11 upcharge. You're paying a premium, dude. And I'm thinking, I was like, well, we didn't pay anything. I think the tickets were like 500 bucks a pop because it was such a good lineup. And it was going to charity. And I was like, should I give these away? Should we give these to like Large and Annie or something? But you can't give away something that was given.

You can't re-give something. Also, is that our names? Right. So I was just like, Large can't pull off being a Feidelberg. He'd be furious. He would say no. He would say he would not be doing that. You mean to be a fucking Berg?

No, thank you. No thanks. So I felt awkward just going in. And then the whole time I'm thinking like this is the best of the best. But it's a 9-11 thing and there probably are going to be like family members and maybe even some kids and stuff and somber time obviously. So they'll probably just do a couple jokes that are like edgy. But for the most part, shout out to firefighters and first responders and be like pretty, pretty PG about it. And boy, was I wrong.

I mean, we were doing N-bombs, F-bombs, R-bombs. We were doing sex talk. Let's be clear about N-bombs from black people. From the black people. It wasn't Bill. But white people joking about the N-bomb, you know? What was that? See, that's also the problem with the four and a half hour show. I just forgot some of the N-bomb. What was that? See, that's also the problem with the four and a half hour show.

I just forgot some of the jokes. I know. Colin Jost was referencing it. Colin Jost talked about standing 69ing with Scarlett Johansson, and I got hard. That was great. He said she complains her arms get tired. I'm like, I thought you were supposed to be a superhero. That was great.

Because I knew I got a friend who always does the Standing 69 joke, and we would do it our whole lives when he was hitting on girls or even at a family event where he's trying to make people feel – What's the Standing 69? Like you always – like you reference the Standing 69, and everyone kind of laughs, but the punchline is always that you're being flipped. Oh, okay. So the way that Colin Jost was like, I like it, but the way the blood rushes to my head. So we always say something like that, like your arms get tired or blood rushes to my head.

That was the first time I ever heard that. I didn't know that was a thing. I don't think it's – I'm just saying within my crew it was a thing and I felt it coming. And I was like, oh, he used the Standing 69 thing. But then he went the extra mile with the girl. When you can reference your girl without referencing your girl, he said, I thought you were a superhero. And everyone knows it's Scarlett Johansson.

Actually, it wasn't even being graphic, but just the fact that he was talking about his sex life. The fact that Scarlett Johansson. I whispered to you. I was like, wait, is he married? I knew they were in a relationship, but just the fact that he was talking about his sex life. The fact that Scarlett Johansson – I whispered to you. I was like, wait, is he married? I knew they were in a relationship, but I was like, maybe they broke up. I was like, is he talking about Scarlett Johansson right now? I wonder if Scar Jo –

Oh, she was definitely there last night. Yeah, she gets down. Well, also – and let's talk about all of it. We'll run through the list. We'll talk about who had the best set and stuff because, interestingly enough, there's not much chatter because it's a Chpelle show show so you get your your phone taken and so not only does that mean there's not like video and pictures from it but there's really not that much like banter about it because you're not in the moment and i'm not gonna like get my

phone back and tweet about something that's already done or talk about it the next day but like so i figured let's give like a whole review for anybody interested on how that show went because not only was it funny but with chapelle being hammered it created like a scene like i wish there was video because i would love to do a one minute man on it yeah like look what happened when chapelle was blacked out at the fucking 9-11 concert um but it is a chapelle so chapelle's rule is no cell phones so you walk in they give you this pouch that has like a little needle thing that you pinch together, and it locks up. And you have to touch it to like a – It's a magnet.

Is that what it was? It's a magnet. Yeah. So no phones. And I'm going to be honest. I don't like that. I've never done that before. And we were walking in, and I knew the Subway Series game was going to be on.

And I was just thinking like when my mom's going to be texting me about this game and when I don't reply, she's going to like think something's wrong with me and like just annoying things where it was like, oh, I don't want to be inconvenienced like this. Like I really, really, really promise I'm not going to film you and put it on the fucking internet, man. You know what I mean? You know what? I had the same feelings um and then as the night progresses actually melanie basically has a joke about this uh i had a joke with us last night um as the night progressed because like i've heard

the chapelle stuff i've heard people complain i'm like it's an hour who cares but this was four and a half hours four and a half hours this is different i didn't know that was gonna be a thing so as we were going in I was starting to text people That I was either planning on talking to Or was in the middle of a conversation I had to be quickly on the line I gotta go And I know that sounds stupid

And in the end I'll take it for a Dave Chappelle show It's not like I wouldn't go again But when you don't know it's coming It was a surprise It was actually I felt like gross about myself and I was like the amount that that bothered

me and like affected me. I was like, oh, fuck. I am addicted to this shit. It bothered me and then but then like halfway through the show I'd only gotten one vibrate and I was like, I think I'm okay. I was good. People don't really seem to matter.

Towards the end of the first half, my shit just started buzzing. And you know you can tell the differences of the buzzes. So I knew. Yeah, it's like body language. Yes. I could feel that was an anger. It's like a little bit longer, a little bit shorter. And I knew some were like baseball updates.

And I was like, I wonder if that was the mess of the Yankees. I wonder if that was the mess of the Yankees. And so then it started to bug me a little bit. So I walked over to the phone use area where like if you do need to use your phone you can go to this little alcove and they'll open it up for you and then I just walked away I just didn't put it back in the bag and I walked away so I did have my phone but then what was interesting was I mean you saw me I probably checked the score a couple times but I was like if I take my phone out I'm gonna be the asshole which happened dude in

like the front row when dave chappelle was on stage you have to know this is a dave chappelle thing that he locks up your phone he must have been like openly filming it and a very drunk dave chappelle stopped mid-sentence like ah nope nope not you dude and and it and he like shamed him like deservedly so but really well like he wasn't just like you're an asshole dude he was like i go through great lengths so i can be honest on stage this is like the only way i can give you guys the best show that i know i can do and then he jokingly was like don't get me wrong i tack on the money to the extra the extra money across i tack on to the tickets make you guys pay for this shit. But he was like, and you violated that.

That is so fucking disrespectful. If I had Dave Chappelle. The celebrity version of I'm not mad or disappointed. Which, by the way, never affected me. Not surprising. You're not mad? I don't give a shit then. That literally never bothered me even a little bit.

Not surprising. People talk about that all the time. Horrifically, you are horrifically maladjusted. It's just the worst when they're disappointed. I don't give a shit, dude. Fucking, they're my parents. Of course they're going to be disappointed in me. What, I'm the one kid who's going to have proud parents? No.

I'm not a fucking idiot. But worse than your parents. It was. Dave Chappelle doing that? Like like if i got singled out in front of the crowd we weren't really that close by but you know the whole area around him knew who they could look at him and see him i mean dave chappelle being like you are an incredibly disrespectful motherfucker man they're like hurt but mad and clowning you and angry all at the same time and then the icing on the cake it was an asian dude and he was like i'm gonna bring back asian hate fuck this guy and it was so goddamn good i mean then he like leaned into it too he was yeah because because

there was no phones he really fucking lets it fly uh and he so that was that was towards the end when Chappelle came out, but to kick things off, our girl Carly opened things up and was just, I mean, I know Carly is very big, like very successful, been on TV for like a long time, but I was like, yo, if I was Carly,

I'd be nervous as fuck right now. Especially doing the garden. Being from New York, doing the garden. Yeah, and she didn't miss a beat, wasn't nervous at all, did her thing. Jay Pharoah comes out. The impressions are just unbelievable. They are just great.

He was the first black person I've seen do a Trump. And he does it really well. He does it really well. I've seen a lot of white people do Trumps. I've never seen a black person do a Trump. You almost have to close your eyes, hear it, and then look back. Because at first it's like drinking milk when you're expecting orange juice. It just does not compute.

But the impressions always play. And then Jay Pharoah telling everyone that his name is actually Jared Pharoah blew my fucking mind. He told us that. Did he? Yeah. I don't remember that. The last five, ten minutes of his set were basically our interview. I love when I see that.

It was. The last five, ten minutes of his set were basically our interview. I love when I see that. I love knowing that we got an inside look at some of their material. Or if, you know, sometimes we like to pretend that they thought of it on the spot with us and we inspired them. But either way, I love seeing those things. Pete Davidson is a guy who, when he came on the scene and was doing comedy, people decided they liked him or didn't. You decide whether you like him or not like him as a comic. And then he kind of went through his weird phase, big celebrity phase, ups and downs.

And I think people were kind of like, do you like him? Do you think he's funny? Is he a good stand-up? Is he a good actor? Do you like his movies? But then just seeing him last night, I think Pete Davidson's just like a cool cat that people's just Pete Davidson. That people just like.

Yeah, yeah. And even Jimmy Fallon is a little more of like a corporate version of that where it's like I would never tell you that I think he's a brilliant comic. He was one of my favorites when he was on SNL just because he did Nomar. But he did Nomar. Did he get an update? Did he get an update? Yeah. Yeah.

Him and Poehler. Poehler, right. Yeah. but yeah yeah okay him and polar polar right yeah and like you know he was never like the comedic genius and when he's on the tonight show he's not like this this like deep interviewer yeah so like the only thing about him though is he laughs so much yeah i'm saying there's a joke because you know but that's what i mean is like so you can judge all those things but then also in that moment like where especially what we're doing for the night and everything it's like Jimmy's just a cool dude. He's a New Yorker. He's like a New York guy and he made it in the business and like I almost feel that way about Jason Bix when we see him. It's just like people just like this motherfucker because he's just a cool cat and I think Pete Davidson is definitely like crossed into that territory.

So Jimmy Fallon does a song whatever. Colin Quinn comes out and that was great colin was it was like all right let's fucking go here we go doing like new york jokes and you know that he's just like a uh like an accredited dude like he is like you know credentials out of the ass and and just that was where i was like oh we're gonna get like a real comedy show yeah he came out he's just like right away like talking about essential workers which by the way reminded me that i've been meaning to bring something up. There's a restaurant by my apartment

that still makes their waiters wear t-shirts that say, I am essential. And I'm like, come on, man. We're past that. I can't even really think of a comparison. Once everyone went back to work, really, everyone's no longer...

It's like me wearing a shirt that says, I am a man. It's like, you can think that, but... Really? Sure, technically, I guess we... Do you display the qualities? Do you really? If I walked out on the street, would people go, that's a man? No, they don't.

You know what they probably would upon looks? It's the people that know you. It's like, he's not a man. But yeah, everybody got up there and was like, we're vaccinated. How long do you think that's going to go on for? Well, that's where I think the greats are not doing that. The really good comics who are in their prime, who are doing the best right now, I think don't have a lot of Corona material, Don't have a lot of vaccination jokes.

Didn't lean on Trump towards the later years. Like they're the ones who are like, we're onto the next shit. Yeah. But there's a huge chunk of comics who are either a, like middle of the road or be like, some of these were like, kind of like not washed up,

but older veterans who are like, I'm just going to do whatever the big topics of the day are, you know, where I think like the, the, the really good comics right now are like, let me find the next thing or, like, the funny angle. Because it's not even like – It's like we've been vaccinated outside for a while now. We've been outside for a year. Yeah, it's like –

Over a year, I think. It's just kind of like – Look at us. We're all together. We've fucking been together. We've been that way, you know? And I guess maybe, like, for some of them, it's their first time going back out there because they're, like, famous and shit. It's like, yeah, we've been this way you know and i guess maybe like for some of them it's their first time going back out there because they're like famous and shit it's like yeah we've been this way for a while but everybody started with like we're vaccinated how you feeling that comic thing like we're all

vaccinated right and there's like a little bit of a pop like you know that cadence that by the way kevin snuck in he's not vaccinated i i i i as i'm talking to john i'm like yeah i don't even like show my my vax card anywhere. I haven't really done any events like that. And then we get to the front, and they're like, where's your vax card? I was like, oh, fuck. Oh, yeah. To be clear, Kevin is vaccinated, but we did sneak in. Yeah.

I was like, I'll just find my vaccination card for a second. I got to download the app. And she was like, okay, go over there. And she just walked. We did try to download the app, but you couldn't remember what date your thing was. I tried to download the app, and I tried to give you back my phone. Both times, I just snuck the fuck out. Amy Schumer follows Colin Quinn

and Amy Schumer also one of those people, kind of Nickelback-esque people like criticize her. It's the problem of getting famous. Too famous. Like she became like a showrunner and became, you know, like when you

have success as a female comic, you get that like you really jump to the next level. Her whole thing being like the I'm not – I don't look like a sexy model like also gives her another level. But fucking funny. Yeah. Like that's another one of those things where it's like it's almost like criticizing LeBron James where it's like, yeah, there's some critiques, but we all acknowledge that he's on the top tier. It's like we can make fun of Amy Schumer's jokes here and there. She steals jokes and this wasn't that funny and all that. But she's made huge movies and is very rich.

You know what I mean? So it's like you don't get there without having none of the goods. The joke stealing thing is trash. You can't do that. You know what I mean? So it's like you don't get there without having none of the goods. Yeah. You know, the joke stealing thing is trash. Like you can't do that. But even within that, Amy Schumer must have had like some nights where she would go out there and crush to get to the level she did. You know? And I do think it's funny how she owns how she's just not good looking.

Right? Just owns up to it, owns it hard. But I remember thinking like, oh boy, like following. they put Amy Schumer in between Colin Quinn and David Tell and she kind of held her own I think she got, maybe Quinn Colin Quinn was better I was saying just laughs, she might have gotten more laughs I like Colin Quinn more, but she might have gotten

the laughs were weird, did you notice that too? I heard so many more laughs from the Bulls than on the floor with us well, that makes sense though right those are going to be the normal people cheaper tickets there were not a lot of laughs around us well

the whole show were they like piping in laughs or whatever is that what we heard that one time it was just like a roar out of nowhere she was talking about curved dicks and like one single section in the whole place of roarious laughter. It was bizarre. It was like the upper

it was up to the left. It was like an upper bowl to the left side of us which is facing the stage so stage right. I was like are they piping in laughs for Amy Schumer or something? Or did something just happen amongst that crowd? I think something must have happened there. You know what there was a lot of last night? A lot of fans being like boo! You you suck get him off stage

like individuals if they didn't like one person would wait for the moment that it was like low and boo or whatever and i was like shut the fuck yeah david tell was so weird man david played the recorder yeah which i think i'm actually actually mad that he did that joke because I was thinking like I blogged about the recorder back. I'm like, for sure not. And I remember like that should almost be a joke that someone from our generation gets where it's like the whole world played, the whole country. Never played it.

What? Never played it. What was it, on Mondays? I don't know. What age do you play it? All of elementary school. I remember my siblings playing it. I never played it.

Did anyone in your class? I don't think so. Did you individually blow it off? Music class? I don't know. I don't think so. I played the violin. Because Attell's joke about it was so spot on, I guess except for John.

Maybe I just forgot. I forget childhood sometimes you had to have because hot cross buns and mary had a little lamb and all that shit and he was like i don't think why he was like why did the whole country do this were we gonna go up against another country in a recital or something it's a very strange thing that we were like like it was like you have to learn cursive and play a recorder and never use those things ever again. I don't know why. I guess they just figured that was the lowest instrument that we could give them.

That they could then like – so that people – like kids could be – It's the easiest, right? Yeah. So it's like you have a musical instrument. You're just the fucking – I just did the violin. The violin. You played the violin?

I played the violin and I was in chorus. Can you still do it can I still do it don't ask ridiculous questions Nicholas I couldn't do it then there's one there's one right over there

I never learned and thus I cannot still do it where is the violin it might be back here actually I don't understand why you're giving it to me

I can't I can't play it. This is why I've had a violin in here for like a year and a half, just for this moment. This is why I said, why aren't you getting it? Because you just said that you played the violin. Yeah, in third grade I also played the guitar and did chorus, where I sang the national anthem at the Pawtucket Red Sox or whatever. God bless, that's not the anthem.

You fucking idiot. What the fuck is this? This is like if Prince had a fucking violin. This is going to come with a fucking amp? That was my first ever drunk purchase, an electric violin. I can't play it at all. Wait, you bought an instrument,

and you don't know how to play? Yeah, I taught myself the rest of them. I figured I could transfer it. It's not as easy. I broke the bow. So there's some spaghetti strands here. Do your thing, boy. Oh, this isn't tight enough at all.

Oh, no. What are you going to do now? Screw the bottom. Screw the bottom. Come on. You can do better than that. I don't have any rosin on my bow, Kevin. There's rosin in that bag.

Son of a bitch! That was the one term I knew! Okay, so I will prepare the bow for John to play the violin. Oh yeah, this is some rosin. Oh, that's rotten rosin. That's old stuff. I need freshies.

I will put on this rosin for John. I am the professional violin carer. John, I am the professional violin... Doesn't sound too tuned, to be honest. John, you tighten the strings while I rosin your bow. Okay? Okay, this is also... See, I see the problem here.

This is for a lefty. Actually, that chin piece moves. I just don't know how to move it. I am rosining the bow, sir. Is this basically like the equivalent of chalking up your pool cue? Yes. Yeah. Yes.

It's super important, even more important. That's why it's going to be bad with the rotten rosin. Naturally. Naturally. Now, I'm also going to open up whatever the fuck this thing is. Those look like violin strings, I guess. That's a string. Yep, sure.

Naturally. Okay. Well, we're all strung out, so let's do, let's play Hot Cross Buns. Yeah, let's play that. I don't know what that is. I don't know what it is. Obviously, I just did that, but I don't know anything more than that. One a penny, two a penny, Hot Cross Buns.

That was Tingle Tingle Little Star. I was kind of getting it. Pretty good. You were? Pretty good. Give me Jingle Bells. Jingle Bells. Pretty good You have retained zero skills I don't know anything

The guitar I actually kind of could play I never could play the violin Play the violin like a guitar You interrupted me I was going to say but I can't anymore I could only do Chop Suey by System of a Down. I could do the Batman song.

I could do, that's probably about it. There were other ones, but that was probably. Dammit by Blink-182 is pretty much everyone's go-to. I once Worth it Played I wanted to I wanted to play the drums When I was a kid So I got a drum pad You know those things Yeah Which is like a white little

Like kind of plasticky Kind of rubbery And I just Whacked that thing around For a little bit And I said Fuck this I'm not doing any

Sort of music My brother did the same thing Only my parents Bought him a full drum kit Played it for about Three days And was like Eh I'm over this any sort of music My brother did the same thing Only my parents bought him a full drum kit Played it for about three days I don't know why But at one point my parents were like Talking to my sister

They were like you should play an instrument And this bitch came home with a fucking cello She was in like third grade Having to carry a fucking cello My grandma would pick her up from school Like one day a week And she was like I gotta carry a fucking cello. My grandma would pick her up from school like one day a week and she was like I gotta carry a fucking cello around now. So I guess that's the

value of the violin. Yeah. Let's rank the childhood. I might have played the viola. Viola? Yeah, that's just like a The viola is You know what the viola is? It's the corolla to the camera. The viola is a gay violin. As if the violin's not gay enough.

The Viola's like smaller and cuter. It's bigger. I don't know. I have no fucking idea, John. It might be all the way around. One of those are gayer than the other. I think you're right. I feel like the Viola or Viola is just like less strings and a little smaller.

Viola is bigger than a violin. Cello is bigger than a viola. And then it's... Oh, so the violins are gay. Violins are gay, yeah. Oh, yeah, by your warped fucking logic. Then, yeah, small equals gay for some reason. But, yeah, that's what's happening here.

Zach's small. Yeah, like the violin... The violin's like a little twink. And the viola's just like a honk or whatever Boy that Lil Nas X sure is gay Dude Dave Chappelle We'll get there We'll get there

Wanda Sykes came out after Dave Attell Not gonna lie No shade to Wanda But that was definitely like People were like going to get drinks for Wanda Sykes I think Wanda She's funny but She was very funny

I think she was another one Who was like I don't do stand up anymore She got a great voice Her voice is her thing Like the Motherfucker Like that She was very funny. I think she was another one who was like, I don't do stand-up anymore. She got a great voice. Her voice is her thing. Like the, motherfucker! Like that, when she curses and tells a story, her voice absolutely kills it. And then that led into Bill Burr.

But Wanda did tell one story that really resonated with me. Oh! Where Wanda was talking about how she wasn't afraid of the virus because she grew up in Portsmouth, Virginia, which I guess is very rural Virginia, dirt roads and whatnot. And they would have this guy called the Mosquito Man who would come around town. This is some Baroque people shit. No. Honestly, I heard their town of Massachusetts would still do this. No.

Oh, well, I'm just saying the way that they were having fun with it. Oh, yes. The Mosquito Man came around, and he was just a pesticide sprayer. And Wanda and the kids in the neighborhood were like, the Mosquito Man's here. And they chased after the truck while it was just blasting pesticides. Which is incredible. And she said it was like in their mouth, in their eyes. They were having fun in the fog of pesticides.

Like, let's hide. But that forced me to lean in and tell Kevin a quick little tale about when I was living in Newport five years ago, I think. Six years ago, maybe. I forget. It was the summer. So once that summer ended, I moved to New York so whatever whatever that long was and one night or one afternoon we've been like day drinking and I went home and I took a nap in the living room the living room not in my bedroom in the living room very visible area and Lou light switch would he when

he gets like drunk he would always do things. He's a very active drunk. Yeah. It's like, I need to go. Oh, you know what? I've been playing. Some people, when they get drunk, they're like, oh, I was thinking about a tattoo. I'll go do that.

Lou's like, I've been meaning to clean the house. Yes. And usually it's pretty effective, but in this case. And so we had some bugs at this apartment. It wasn't an infestation, I don't think. There were like fruit flies and maybe some ants over by the sink in a summer house right which is pretty par for the course lou decided that could not stand anymore so lou went to a cvs or wherever he went and bought a bunch of bug bombs put him in the apartment and then went back out drinking. I woke up in a goddamn fog of war with just Wanda Sykes-level pesticides.

Like, it was just foggy. And I was like, what the fuck is happening? You know how a fight sleeps. And I couldn't swallow. It was like walking through, like, pushing air out of the way, like fuckingny when they're trying to get the World Series tickets, the Phillies. And I was like, what is happening? And I can hear a hissing coming from the kitchen. I go in there, and it's just like four separate fucking grenades.

Like, he just kind of fucking shook up and threw them in there. Four separate grenades, still hissing and pissing out poison. And I was like, what is happening? It just ran out the back door. Again, I wasn't asleep in my room. I was in the living room. I was very pissed. How long do you think you were inhaling the gum?

Hours. Hours. Hours, for sure. Hours. It was dark. It was dark when I woke up. Went to bed around 2 p.m., woke up dark in the summer. So five, six hours, I'd say.

I am going to die tomorrow. You for sure got like asbestosis or brain damage, something five, six hours, I'd say. I'm gonna die tomorrow. You for sure got, like, asbestosis or brain damage, something along, something with your head, like, you're all fucked up. Everything's stuck. I hate how it reminds, because everything bad that happens to me, I either just ignore and avoid, or my brain is so goddamn smart

it just fucking pushes it down, I forget all about it. Like, until someone talks about it, and I'm like, ow, that's happened to me. Yeah. That's called this podcast. Yeah. That's what this show is. And Wanda last night, I was like, that's that's my wife.

I have such a horrible heartburn and indigestion. And yeah, that explains a lot. My esophagus just hurts all the time. We need to from now on. And maybe we'll have to do this after the fact because you never know when they're coming. But when you like, when I unlock one of these things, we're going to call that segment, that explains a lot. Because I'm always like, oh, yeah, like John was dropped on his head as a kid. That explains a lot.

Oh, John. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Here we go. This is perfect. Okay, and I told, okay Here we go Yes This is perfect Okay, and I told you this before the show So this one I knew was coming But that's a great way to bring it up Where I said

Soft head helmet Yes, yes You did say I want to talk about kids with soft heads That wear helmets My parents were in town this weekend And we were walking around And we saw like three separate babies

With helmets on And I was like That's so wild How that happens now And I was like Is it? I don't know Like you just She's like yeah Like it was like i don't know like you just

she's like yeah like it was when when you were kids like you just had a soft head she's like but now they like protect it i was like yeah you know that makes sense to me though she's like when you were a kid i would find your soft spot so funny i'd have my friends come over and we'd just poke them. I was like... Everybody say it with me now. That explains a lot. She was 23 years old. She thought soft spots were funny.

She would have her friends come over and they'd use my fucking soft head as a stress ball. Bro. I do get it. I was seven years old when my little sister was born. So I'm at that age where it's like, I would just sit there and...

But I was seven. I never did that to any of my siblings. No, but I mean... I didn't have the motor skills. I did it fucking just to damage. The thought of Polly being like, you can feel his actual brain. And you got to come over.

This is crazy. Feel the cerebellum in the back. That one's really squishy. Look, you push it fast, you can hear the water splash. It's like popping bubble wrap. Push it, push it, push it. I just pictured her and like three of her friends and her sisters being like, this is wild. You try this side.

Wait, wait, touch mine. Mine's hard, though. Compare it, compare it, compare it. Squeeze his, then squeeze mine. On the count of three. One, two, three. I always thought, though, so those helmets, first of all, I thought they were for people who were mentally challenged.

And then there was a period of time where I thought they were only Asian because I saw a lot of Asian kids. Then I thought that that was for because I saw a lot of Asian kids. Then I thought that that was for I guess it's similar but I feel like you wear that when you're in your crib because you get the flat head if you lay on your crib.

I always thought it was also to make sure your head stayed in shape. I guess that's because the only reason we get deformed is because it's soft. Right, but I'm just saying I think it's like when you still have soft head, if you have a little bit of an issue. I don't think it's just like everybody goes... It's not like every kid wears the helmet.

My kids never wore a helmet. No, I think it's a particularly soft head. Yeah, yeah. There has to be a little bit of an issue. Yeah, I got a soft head. I got a soft brain. Yeah. Soft brain.

Also, weirdly shaped. I have a real big... You know what you're doing right now is really moving your scalp. Huh? You're really moving your scalp. Yeah. Like weirdly shaped. I have like a real big. You know what you're doing right now is really moving your scalp. Huh? You're really moving your scalp. Yeah. Like your whole shit. I mean, I guess we all are, but like your whole shit is like moving like forward and

back. It's a toupee. Yeah. It looks like somebody taped your scalp on your head. My dad can move his whole shit. Like, I think you're doing it too. No, but yeah. Yeah.

I guess I can't see how much mine is. Yours is. I mean, let me, let me take a look at me doing it and I'll compare it to you. It's about the same. Is it? I feel like John's is moving like crap. I guess if you really move like that. Awful audio. Amazing video.

You're just sitting here like, compare how much your head moves. My head moves more than your head, I think. How about you move my head and then I'll move your head and we'll see which head moves more. By the way, this is the voice of the drunk guy in The Simpsons. So, suck a dick. Oh, my God. That actually had a little...

Not offensive. It's impersonating a cartoon of an alcoholic. It had a little bit of Bill Burr in it, too, when he does, like, I don't know. His eye goes up when he clowns people. Bill Burr came on after Wanda and just lit the motherfucker on fire. Bill Burr upset a lot of people last night. Meaning, like, it was not necessarily new stuff. If you're a Bill Burr fan, I think you heard some of it.

I think he's done a lot of, like, a lot of abortion stuff, but now it's just more timely with Texas and all that. But, again, I'm thinking 9-11, he's a firefighter guy. He did King of Staten Island. Steve Buscemi came out at one point, which was really cool. Buscemi introduced him. Yeah, he said this guy, Bill would have been a firefighter if he wasn't a

comic. And so I was expecting some of that. And then he's just like, fucking abortion! You're killing a baby baby but that's pretty cool it was like it was like right he pissed off everybody and uh he probably got it because he's bill burr he got he definitely the most like he got and that someone in our row i want i want to be clear to bill it wasn't us we didn't say some but someone did yell two two doors down two seats down you suck shut up and i was like – so actually, all right.

The first thing was he was talking about feminism. And he was like, every study in the world says that feminists – that women are smarter than men, right? And we give you – I also love that you – like we do studies for things that like I learned in third grade. I was like, no, I want Stephanie and Rachel to be in my group. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I'm just as smart as a woman because I was like, I want to be with a woman.

Right. I mean, if you're doing a group project in school and you don't sign up the chicks, you're crazy. Idiot. Because you know what it is? They're smarter and they will do all the work and you can get away with doing nothing. Like another guy might be like, bro, fucking, and they will do all the work, and you can get away with doing none of the work. Like, dude, I don't know.

Like, another guy might be like, bro, fucking, you haven't done a goddamn thing for this group. The girls will just be like, well, because you know what it is, the girls are so worried about their grade because they're nerds and smarter that they're like, we'll do it because John's dumb. I'll fuck it up. They'll be like, John. Most.

John. John. They'll be like, John has a soft soft skull John's mom hit his head with a hammer we don't want him doing any work John licks his highlighters instead of using them

to fucking he tries to see if he can taste purple rather than use that to organize his notes in second grade I think we'll handle it and by the way

all of this girl talk is like asterisk excluding Jackie like no one no one's like let's get Jackie in the group you know what I realized the other day?

Nobody's ever cheated off me and that's offensive. That's a bad sign. Hey guys, you want my homework? Nah, we're good. I'd rather just do it. I just want to make notes. She's been killing it at Tetris

the past like 20 minutes. Yeah? I have. I don't know if you could see that. Oh yeah, your phone was tilted right at me I'm listening and paying attention Sure thing idiot His point in the end was like

You're smarter You get like affirmative action type help You get this you get that And you're still losing Like you should be embarrassed And someone was a feminist, like, a little row up, and they said, like, you know, No, it wasn't a row up, it was all row up.

No, no, no, this was before that. Someone said something like, get him off stage, or, like, stop talking. And then we got, then later, the people right next to us said, boom. And then there was people right over, and this was when he was talking about, like, women's sports, which, to be fair, is an outdated joke, because he was talking about the women's national soccer team, which to be fair is an outdated joke because he

was talking about the women's national soccer team which is like that one's proven like they just make way more way more money than men do they yeah the women's national team is like they sell more tickets they're more successful they have more people watch the shows uh watch the games like it's but i but i still feel like the men's cut of their money still just is bigger i think i don't know the exact science of it. Proportionally, yes. But I do think it's like the men still get whatever share of World Cup money and World Cup men's is just so much bigger

that technically they do still bring in more cash. But I know what you're saying. But yeah, people were getting upset about that. People were just trying to like... Yeah, he's like, I can hear him, I don't give a shit. Yeah, I just don't care. And it's a beautiful thing to see, just like when you just know you don't give a shit Yeah I just don't care And It's a beautiful thing

To see just like When you just know You don't fucking care And yeah But he A lot of the And it's because So many of them are rich now

Because they're all The biggest names in comedy Like Chris rocks To the same thing He's like I don't do comedy Because I just don't care I don't fucking care I mean you gotta be

Like burned out You know what I mean At some point You gotta be like Hang on one second I gotta send this to Rory Check out Answer the Internet This week with uh rory from uh formerly the joe budden show now on the rory and mall show um but when you like when you go out

there and kind of did it with snl or just like i'm just gonna piss off fucking everybody dude um so that was that was like the big first act. That was when – but his abortion shit – I guess the whole point of not having people film it. You also don't want people just like telling the jokes here. But the cake analogy is really good. That's in the special. That's in the special? Yeah. I've seen that before.

That's not a new joke. So we're not burning him on that. That wasn't – that's not a baby. It was going to be. So like, but like the balls just be like, all right, 9-11 benefit fund. Like we're going to do dead babies. We're going to fucking do it. I think, but like, it's not, see, I wasn't surprised by that at all.

I didn't think we were going to come up in like, because I do think like that's happened a lot with 9-11 stuff where it does become so much of uh i want to make this about me like every social media like every fucking slide everything is like yeah it's like i don't know man like i'm not gonna do i'm very sad but i i have no memory i was in sixth grade right i or whatever grade i was i forget like i i it did not affect me personally so i'm not gonna do that stuff no yeah but i i i thought there might have been consume the stories and i watch the stories but i'm not gonna make it about me at all yeah and i think everyone and that's just the nature of social media and how performative it all is now right but i didn't think anyone was gonna get there and be like tell like a sad story about

their experience i didn't think that but i just thought the comedy would have been a little more like toned down in case there are like widows and and shit. I don't know what the crowd was. I think at one point they were even kind of referencing that. I don't know. I think Jay Pharoah was kind of like, I don't know what the fuck y'all are like. No, it was Jay Pharoah and Michael Che. It was one of the black guys.

Yeah, I know. So after intermission, these two chicks... It was Michael Che. It was Michael Che. I think I'm right here. Lynn Coplitz and Sam Jay come out. Do you guys know those names at all? I need Sam Jay. I know Sam Jay. I don't know Lynn.n koplitz and sam jay come out i do you guys know those names at all i need sam i know sam jay i don't know lynn coplitz she was lynn do you think lynn gave her exact her actual

address i think she might i think she did too she's a she's a 54 year old woman single i think she's been single her whole life living in new york city her whole life and she was like she's like you think i'm afraid of getting raped fuck a a rape. I will rape a rapist. I will kiss a rapist. I will hug a rapist. I will love a rapist until he doesn't know what the fuck to do. Come see me at 229 Avenue A, apartment 3C. I don't give a fuck. That's my real address

because you can't do shit to me that I haven't seen yet. And I was like, I think she really fucking did it. The way she said it, I was like, I think that's her actual address. Yeah, I was like, that wasn't the actual address Kevin was giving. I actually do know it. Yeah, it was **** Street, right?

Yeah. But she said, where's **** Street? And it was **** Street. And it was 3B. But your number was off too. I know the right number. John's about to make a house call.

John's about to make a house call. Because it was so jarring. I was like, wait, that's her real address. They're probably like, yeah, assholes. We didn't know you were going to say it on a podcast. We thought it was just like, you know, live. I thought I was only telling 14,000 people. I thought I was going to tell a couple hundred thousand people in different states and countries.

That's true. There's only 14,000 people who are like less than half a mile away from the place. But Sam Jay then followed her, and she is hilarious. Sam Jay has an HBO special. We've got to get Sam Jay in here. She has a show. She has a show? She has a show, yeah.

I forget what it's called, but it's like eight episodes or something like that. It just signed a second season. Sam Jay was another one who was like, fuck all you. I don't give a fuck. Some people were like booing and oohing and aahing, and she was like, I don't give a fuck like some people were like booing and oohing and on and she was like i don't give a fuck she was so goddamn she was talking about putting her strap on in her girlfriend's ear just just she's like i can't even feel it it's a strap on i did it just to disrespect her she wants a gun because she's the masculine one and that

oh no oh this was it she's like me and my girl have been like going through a rough patch i cheated yeah fuck you i cheated yeah and she's like i don't i don't give a fuck like i think i should be able to because i support her financially and i like protect her so i so what i fucked another girl so what i put to the girl bitch go to sleep so what i fucked another girl bitch go to bed i was was like, oh my God. So there was a lot of oohs and aahs about that. And then comes like the heavy hitter lineup. To close out, it goes Segura, Jost, Michael Che, Mulaney, Chappelle.

Chris Rock in the middle. And Chris Rock. So Tom Segura. Tom Segura, I mean, he's just the fucking best in the game. I don't even, Tom Segura is so funny, I don't even want to talk about his jokes yeah again I don't want to

they're so goddamn fucking funny he was talking about taking showers with his children having hard dicks and jerking off and stuff Colin Jost comes out

talks about Scarlett Johansson he's another one who like god he's just living life I said that to Reina when he came out

I was just like this fucking guy and she was like what you don't like him and I was like no I love him I'm just to Reina when he came out. I was just like, this fucking guy. And she was like, what? You don't like him? And I was like, no, I love him. I'm just jealous of him. He's just like, he's not controversial. He doesn't have to be on social media. He doesn't whore himself

out. He just found a good gig, rides with Weekend Update, married a fucking... Did he go to Harvard, too? Or did she go to Harvard? I think he did. Marries Scar Jo, and he's still best friends with all these people.

And he's fucking got a great head of hair, and he's jacked. That's new. The jack. The jack he was looking. Colin Jost. Fucking chill, bro. You don't need to also be jacked, dickhead.

Yeah, he's a handsome man. You're a handsome man I'll tell you I don't give a shit I'll tell you you're handsome I'll fucking tell you you got a nice penis The arms were a little much last night Yeah

They were popping He was He's in a cuts clothing shirt Yeah he was He really was The only shirt worth buying Michael Che comes out I think he's the most underrated comic

Like in the game right now Yo Michael Che I think he's so funny I don't think he does I'm sure he does a lot of stand up But I don't know if he has A lot of specials But he has one on Netflix

He's in a yellow sweatshirt I forget what it's called And that's one of my Favorite ones ever The uh All buildings matter Joke That one

Have you seen that It's in another one of his specials Where he's like It might be in this one This is the one In this one actually I was kind of hoping He'd tell it last night Cause it would have been uh applicable when he's on he's on how 9-11s never

forget yeah yeah that's what he said he's like next next year i'm gonna wear a shirt that says all buildings matter let's see how you motherfuckers yeah slavery get over it 9-11 i'll never forget so good uh john stewart would have come running out with his head on fire if he started that one last night. Then Mulaney comes second to last, or I guess third to last after the surprise. And just really leans in to making fun of his own addiction. It is. I really hope he has it under control because otherwise these are like very much cries for help or we're ignoring like a big problem. Because he's just totally listing like I had – I was taking this.

I was taking that. I had $2,000 in cash. I went to see my drug dealer. I lied to my friends, my family. He's talking about the intervention. He's like, do you know how big of a drug dealer you have to be to open up a door, just friends and family and say oh this is my intervention and then uh the highlight the highlight it was i think mulaney probably had like the the most unique like segura i think had like just the best like comedy and i think segura had the best but mulaney having like this tackling this subject that like the elephant in the room he goes i told the world

i was gonna have a baby and the reaction was mixed reviews like hey i'm gonna be a father be like no i don't i don't think so i don't care for that but then the icing on the cake and it's like something we probably all should have noticed in real time but we didn't know at the time he was in like a coke binge he goes back and he read his GQ interview that he has since come out and said, I did that whole GQ interview and I don't remember any of it. He said it was – the interview was December 15th. His intervention was December 18th. Yeah. And like the answers he's giving are absolutely someone who is just whacked on cocaine.

He's literally just reading off a page his answers and he's talking about yeah it's literal it's literal reading yeah go back and read the gq article i think it starts he said the the start of the not the interview but like the i don't know what you whatever you whatever you call that little tidbit before the interview starts yeah it says that the um gq called the comedian on the phone and did a wide-ranging interview. If you say you had a wide-ranging conversation, you're talking to someone on cocaine. Yeah. So then it's supposed to be like Mulaney into Chappelle, and they bring out Chris Rock. And he's like, Dave Chappelle's late.

And I'm like, that's weird. Because this is something I don't think you'd be late for. All your friends are here, and everybody's here, and all that. But I'm like, I don't know. Dave is fucking Dave. So Rock comes out and does some he also wasn't late he was just he wasn't finished his drink that's what i'm like but i was thinking was he was he just i don't want to go out yet or was he like shit-faced and like i don't know i don't think i don't think 10 minutes can yeah so eventually he just walks out and he asks chris rock to stay

on stage How quickly did you realize he was shit-faced? Pretty quickly Yeah, within a couple minutes, right? Because I don't think the crowd necessarily did Because sometimes Dave is so in control When he's the comic He's like the master of the moment

That he does whatever he wants It says whatever he wants So it doesn't necessarily have to be drunk It can just be like, oh, I don't care But also to be clear, he wasn't like slurring or anything like that. No, but he definitely seemed like his face was, I was like, are your eyes open, dude? You could see that he was drunk, but it wasn't like, it wasn't like that. It's just like, the only reason I knew he was shit-faced is because he kept telling us.

Well, at one point he was like, your boy's a little drunk. And the crowd kind of reacted. And I was like, I think some people in the room just found that out right now. Yeah, right, right. And haven't realized it in the last like 25 minutes. I knew he was feeling good. He had a beer in his hand. He was like kind of just laughing at his own jokes and shit.

Told Chris Rock to stay on stage. The funniest shit. It didn't really get a laugh. I think the funniest fucking thing he said all night was when he was like, and he was just talking to himself. He's like, sometimes i can't even imagine and he goes sometimes i can't even believe that other people in the room can see chris rock too because sometimes i just think he's like my imaginary friends and the thought that chris rock is just this tiny black guy who's actually a figment of dave chapelle's imagination was so fucking funny to me. Like, if you think about Dave Chappelle thinking that,

I'd be like, oh, that's just, like, Chris Rock on my shoulder. He is, though. But, I mean, Dave was as drunk as you can be. He's, like, so good at comedy that he can probably be, like, shit-faced. But he was as drunk as you can be without it taking away from the comedy. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Like, I wasn't, like, it was not, like, a tight set of, tight set of like jokes by any means but it was still like very entertaining and almost because he's

i think when he first came out that was when i was like he's not i like like mulaney i almost think of more of a celebrity now because of everything that's happened with him yeah and we talked about that kind of extensive not extensively but ad nauseum on like the rundown and stuff and um but chapelle is he's not a celebrity he's a rock star yeah like he came out when he like it was just like it would people didn't even consider there were a lot of times that last night where it would be be a tribute or a comedian or whatever and like there would be a um are we doing a standing up yeah yeah there was a lot of there was we stand, should we not?

Chappelle was like, wait a minute. It was everyone's up right away. And then he walked on stage just arms up, just like, what's up? Soak in the moment. Yeah. Like, it was rock star shit, not comedian shit. There was one guy in the crowd. The highlight of the night for me. He was probably, we were in one section, then the aisle, and then, like, that other section.

Probably, like, five rows ahead, one section over. This one dude, stocky, short guy, had a mohawk, had hair on the side, but just much less. So it wasn't like a shaved mohawk, but he had a mohawk, gray hair. It was pretty shaved. Yeah, it was a distinct mohawk, tight shirt on. He looked like Matt Damon in Elysium. Okay. And he would react only to certain people it was like colin quinn david tell and i think and i think chapelle burr burr yeah yeah it was like it was like the white guy it was the old white guys crotchety

white men this guy would stand up and go like oh do you rule he was like yeah everyone else was like oh that's my comic like this is gonna be funny and he was like and he was like oh my god you were only doing it for the white guys you were only doing it for like you know your guys who offend every it was just so funny that in his mind it was like, these are my fucking heroes, man. Fuck yeah. Fuck chicks. Yeah, white guys. Let's go.

It was unreal. But he did do it for Dave as well. But I mean Dave Chappelle was still like going. But I don't even know if there was a single punchline in the whole thing. It was just like everything being said was funny and then he started talking about the taliban and that's when john stewart and pete davidson like came out on stage like they were literally doing one of these like they kind of did like the jog out there it's fucking violins in the way they were like okay all right like let's uh wrap this shit up as gracious as you can get a drunk person off the stage

and especially when it's Dave Chappelle nobody tells Dave Chappelle when to get off the stage and I remember thinking like well I'm prepared to be here for like five and a half to six hours because there's a chance that Dave Chappelle wants to just go till one or two AM and I'm not going to leave that

I want to see every single second of that at one point it was Pete, Jon Stewart Chris Chris Rock, and Dave Chappelle on stage. And Dave either didn't realize that that was his intervention to try to end the show, or he was mocking it tongue-in-cheek. He was like, oh, we're going to do a jam session. You want to have a jam session? Let's do it. I do not think he realized.

I think he thought, we're going to have a jam session. Let's fucking do it. Yeah, and he was like, no, we're trying to get you off the fucking stage. And then, let's bring everyone out. Let's bring everyone out. So brings everybody on stage.

Jon Stewart gives a really heartfelt like, thank you to Pete Davidson. The funniest shit of the whole night was Pete Davidson would, like Colin Jost found out he was in the show

when it got announced. Yeah. And he texts Pete Davidson like, what's up with this? And he goes, oh, fuck yeah. Are you in New York, man? Can can you do it like one of the biggest events of the year and and pete would like forget to text people to confirm that they were in it buchemi buchemi

didn't know call pete's mom to get in yeah he had his pete davidson's mom gave steve buchemi tickets and like uh there was a couple other guys that were like you know had to text him the day of like so am i doing this or not but uh like i said there's a little other guys that had to text him the day of, like, so am I doing this or not? Like I said, there was a little different stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Am I actually doing this tonight? So Jon Stewart gives a really heartfelt, like, thank you to him. Also threw in that he has a horse cock, which I think at this point we can just. Yeah, Ariana Grande already told us, Jon.

We know. And so it was, like, great moment for Pete, great moment for the thing. Like, bow, good night. We start to leave. Dave Chappelle just starts another fucking tribute. And it was cool at the end. Because, I mean, think about being Pete Davidson. He kind of rattled, like, kind of rambled a little bit.

But he's doing it in that Dave Chappelle voice where he gets real serious. He's like, now I'm going to tell you something. Listen. And, like, everyone's like, okay. You know, he's about to go off and he's talking about New York and all this shit. And at the end, he was like, give it up for the fucking King of Staten Island. Real serious. Really hit it.

That's got to be such a cool moment for Pete. He's still only 27. I know. He's so fucking young, man. So all in all, a great comedy show. And even more memorable, the shit that was just happening on the side. And Chappelle being absolutely hammered. Very cool to just see all of those people on stage.

You know when you know it's a moment? Tom Segura got his phone out and was filming on stage when everyone was out there. This is some real shit. So yeah, let's get a couple more terror attacks so we can get some really good comedy shows going. Maybe we can have another tragic event. We'll get a COVID thing going. Yeah, let's do a couple more terror attacks so we can get some really good comedy shows going. Maybe we can have another tragic event. We'll get a COVID thing going.

Yeah, let's do that. How about that? Okay, yeah. We don't have to. Oh, you want to talk about doing something annual? How about this? So we did the 9-11 special with Large and Annie. Unbelievable reception, by the way.

Just speaking to anybody who watched that and then were nice enough to reach out to annie and large both of them separately and then also on a group text told me that like the reaction literally made their day easier they were like we always just like sit there on 9-11 and stew in it and annie was like large like never even talks on 9-11 and she said there was so much good feedback that they were feeling good about themselves and thanking everyone, and it was so lovely. Like, truly, truly, I had thought about doing that special with them to make a difference for other people when it turned out that other people

ended up making the difference for them. So really nice moment, and, like, really cool reaction. And then I'm talking to Annie, and she's like, enough of, like, the sad shit, though. Like, let's do something fun. So I was like, why don't we make this an annual tradition? You guys do something with me and Barstool, and we'll do something fun instead.

And I was like, we'll have an activity. Maybe we'll do a softball game. And I was like, softball's such a big production. And I was like, maybe we could do cornhole. And then I'm thinking of what we've been doing, and I was like, oh, people love Jenga. Let's do Jenga. And she's like, great, I'm in.

She's like, I'm so competitive. I love that. And I was like, maybe not Jenga. Let's do Jenga. And she's like, great, I'm in. She's like, I'm so competitive. I love that. And I was like, maybe not Jenga. Maybe not the cylindrical towers falling to the ground. Maybe that's not the best bet. And it really like genuinely hit me

and she was kind of like, I got a dark sense of humor. We'll figure it out. And I was like, yeah, why don't we have simultaneous Jenga matches going with two towers next

to each other and whichever one falls second is the winner. One about 400 feet bigger than the other. I was like, boy, that was one of the dumber things I've ever thought of. Let's do top fives. Get into our voicemails and then our interview. Oh, wait. Before we do top fives, I got a question.

And this is... Not a question. Maybe a question. I got a problem. Oh, boy. I'm just gonna show it. Oh, God. Please don't take your clothes off. If I was wearing pants today, I would, but I got shorts on, so we'll be okay.

Okay. That's a broken top. If I was wearing pants today, I would, but I got shorts on, so we'll be okay. Okay. Where are we at? Where are you going? I'm going to go to the gym. That's a broken top. Oh, God. John is now sitting on the table with his dick out, legs spread. Look at this.

I got a grandma vein. Ew, you do? It's recent, and I don't know what to do about it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Is that called varicose vein? That looks like a blue snake is inside you. It's a worm.

It's fucking new, and I don't know what to do about it. I swear to God, if you gave me a knife right now, we would cut that out of your fucking flesh. That is so gross. We got to get you lasered up. What do I do? We will get. This is an image. I'm real close.

Well, I'll tell you what's going to happen. Right now, because of this episode, somebody who works at like a spa that does like, you know, these things. It's disgusting. That is so gross, dude. That is so gross. Oh, my God. I don't know. Oh, my God.

I'm embarrassed to wear shorts. I don't think anyone's going to ever have sex with you again. That is so gross. Oh, my God. I mean, I don't know what. Oh, my God. I'm embarrassed to wear shorts. I don't think anyone's going to ever have sex with you again. That's it. We should edit this out. Yeah, no one's noticed. No one's commented on it. I notice it. It's all I think about all day, every day. Every day.

John, you know, I'm going to think about your vein all day, every day now. Oh, my God. That thing is disgusting. We're going to have to name that thing. Fuck off, man. Yeah, we do. We're going to get someone who does this shit for a living is going to see this episode and be like,

I'll take care of that for you. What's the grossest thing on your body? Actually, you know what? It's worse when it's not being pushed down. It's worse right now. Yeah. It's fucking gross. Look at this.

Real tight in there. Oh, yeah. That's disgusting. It's not being squished. I thought it was going to be worse when it's squished. It's not. That's a great question. Let me do this ad read, and I'll think about it,

and then all the viewers at home can think about it as well. And you guys are going to have to answer, too. What's the grossest thing on your body? What's the grossest thing on your body? I went a little answer that a few weeks ago. I got one now. It's my fucking varicose vein. The National Highway Transit Safety Association, Traffic Safety Administration, varicose vein the uh national highway transit safety associate traffic safety administration

wants you to remember that uh drive sober or get pulled over man the summer is over that doesn't mean that you're not going to be out there uh now you're going to be tailgating you're going to be going to football games you're going to be going out on campus at college and the rule always golden rule is do not get behind the wheel drive sober get pulled over drive sober or end up fucking dead drive sober end up in jail the bad things that can happen here the best case scenario of you drinking driving is you just get home or get to a destination which can easily be replaced right the worst case scenario is you die you kill someone else you get pulled over you go to the drunk tank you get fined you go to jail i mean it's the the juice is just not worth the

fucking squeeze man um also gotta gotta remember don't race trains well don't race trains if you think that you're gonna beat a train and you don't want to wait for like the 30 seconds For a train to pass when the things go Ding ding ding ding ding ding and they come down Even if you think you can beat a train You know the engineer can't see you The train can't stop in time Just drive sober and don't race trains

I'm not asking a lot man Head over to the traffic safety marketing dot gov For more information on that What's the grossest thing on your body Nick go be honest everyone Harry back yeah yeah

haven't taken care of it in a minute it's getting because it's hard to take care of you have to like shave it from behind and like you do yourself yeah yeah solo dole I think that people who ask other people to shave their back do you shave your back yeah what ask other people to shave their back. Do you shave your back?

Yeah. What? Yeah. Absolutely. Do you shave your back? Bro, he's a little twink. Jackie? No.

I don't know. I'm surprised. I'm surprised both of you. You, I guess, not so much. Dude, if I didn't take care, I would just have ear holes. My neck and all this would just grow. That's frustrating. Do you shave your back? No, I don't have it. You My neck and all this would just grow. That's very frustrating. Did you shave your back? No, I didn't.

You're a greasy hairy Italian. You're lying. The Italians got thick hair. They got body hair. I got the grossest neck hair. I got the grossest leg hair, but no hair on the back. Stops on the back? Yeah.

I think, like, you ever see Josh Potter's shoulders? Oh, my God. Josh Potter has a head of hair on his shoulders. Really? It's like he could comb it and braid it and shit. It's fucking crazy. But yeah, you gotta like eh, eh, eh, eh. What? That's

lunacy. It's hard, man. I just got the lower. Like, I don't have a high. I get the shoulders. Yeah. Yeah, the back. The lower's not that bad for me. Probably because it's marred with scars and shit. The back here is tough. Jackie, what's the grossest thing on your body? My mental cycle.

Oh, Jesus. My bleeding pussy. That's a good one. I mean, I'll be honest. It's probably tough to beat that. If you've got something grosser than a bleeding pussy, geez, keep that one to yourself. There was one time where I was just like, I shocked myself and just half of my body doesn't like

sweat really as much. Okay. So wait, you're like a superhero. You once were electrocuted and then now you have a special power? Hang on, hang on, hang on. How did you electrocute yourself? So if we make you go for a run, you're going to come home and half your body is going to be wet. No, no, no.

It does sweat, but like significantly less than the other side. If we make you go for a run. Like you'd have like one pit scene and one not? I mean, I don't really like get pit scenes that much. I mean, well, sometimes, but like. We're going to do this. We're going to make sure. No, we're not going to do this.

Wait a minute. Where's the triathlon? What? Where's the triathlon? 80K, right? We're this. We're going to make it. No, we're not going to do this. Well, wait a minute. Where's the triathlon? What? Where's the triathlon? 80K, right? We're not... We're at 77. Oh, okay.

So we're getting close then. We're not doing the triathlon. Oh, we're doing the triathlon. We're doing the triathlon. And you guys better get these fucking numbers up. Otherwise, you're doing the triathlon in the winter.

You're going to be in a fucking pool in the middle of the fucking winter. No, I don't want to do the triathlon. Doesn't matter. We made a promise. Ever since the triathlon clip came out, I have people like, because a lot of people from Long Island obviously listen to KSRator Bar, so people come up to me like, dudes, especially, offering to train me to swim.

And it's getting weird. I just want to do the triathlon so Mike drowns. I want to see Mike drown. I want to see Jackie try to rap. Yeah, like you don't get a choice, by the way. I've done so many goddamn things in this company I don't want to do. You're doing the triathlon. So, wait.

Go back to when were you, how did you get electrocuted? Okay, it wasn't, like, fully electrocuted. Well, clearly it was half. And this is, okay, this was just, like, a theory. So, maybe, like, one half of me, like, hasn't really sweat that much. But, like, there's just one half of my body that's kind of, like, out of commission. Like, it doesn't, like. Which half? don't grow as well like nothing like it's like there's everything and this could be just in my head but there was one time that i remember that i was

trying to plug in like a charger and then like i was i was touching the metal part and then like I it was with this hand and then and then I just like it wasn't like it wasn't like a dramatic thing but it like

I felt it like go up my arm and then ever since then I like noticed like that night that like I wasn't really and it's not like noticeable

how old how old how old it was probably like five years ago okay so it's like a new thing. And it's kind of cool.

I was going to say, you got to go just fucking zap the other side. Now I don't sweat anymore. Botox. Fucking just electrocute yourself. But now it's kind of like we're kind of evening out a little bit. But this is totally a theory. I don't know. But if anybody knows anything about this.

If there are any doctors out there who know about 50% of your body not sweating after you electrocute yourself with a phone charger, please do let me know. Is there anybody who majored in that? Is there anybody whose specialization is half your body not sweating after shocking yourself? That's kind of a cop-out, by the way. Fine. My bleeding vagina. They are gross. They are gross.

They are gross. You could have just said vagina. Even when they're in good shape. Terrible. Yeah, like I would have to say, you want to be honest? My ball sack. And that's not specific to me. That's just all of us.

Like my ball sack is definitely the least appealing thing on my body. When you're having a long ball day. Long ball days are the best. No. They are gross. Because it's every day. Yeah, your balls are disgusting. I think balls are funny.

I know, but they're gross. They're funny because they're gross. I guess, but I don't find them gross. They're just funny. Do gay guys think balls are gross? I guess I don't have much experience with balls. Zach, why don't find them gross. This is funny. Do gay guys think balls are gross? I guess I don't have much experience with balls. Zach, why don't you go? Do gay guys like balls?

I like my own balls. I already knew that. I have to cut you off. Sorry, balls. Do you like balls? What's your stance on balls? You a balls fan? Some guys do, for sure.

I wouldn't say that's my biggest thing, but also the fact that neither one of you said asshole yet is crazy. Yeah, that's true. Well, I have a varicose vein. Asshole's an asshole. Oh, were you not in here for that? That's what I admire the most. He's got a varicose vein in his thighs.

I got a varicose vein now. It's truly disgusting. Jesus Christ. Yeah, he's truly gross. That's probably worse his thigh. I got a varicose vein now. It's truly disgusting. Jesus Christ. Yeah, he's truly gross. That's probably worse than assholes. Body is a mess. Yeah. Yeah, like, assholes are gross, but, like, you can take care of them.

Certain things, like, like, your balls, no matter what I do to my balls, it's not going to be nice, you know? But, like, our gay guys are like, you know, like, give me those balls. Depends. Like, put those balls in my mouth, you know? Yeah, I mean. Because, like, the reason I ask. Depends. Like, those balls in my mouth, you know? Yeah, I mean. Because, like, the reason I ask. Yes, yes.

Because as a female ever sucked your balls before. No, well, that's the thing. I feel like unless you are with, unless you are really in tune with someone sexually or they're being performative, I think chicks, chicks are either putting on a show or you have just found your sexual soulmate if she's into your balls. Otherwise, I think they're licking your balls, they're doing shit with your balls because they feel like they have to.

They don't want to. But do gay guys, are they like, I like your dick and balls? Well, yeah. Yes, Kevin. Yeah, well, that's... So guys who fuck dicks? Into them? Dicks.

No, dicks. I understand. Dicks you can be into. Dicks look nice. Dicks can be – there are good-looking dicks. Some of them. I don't know what your dick looks like. I got a great-looking dick.

I've said this before. I got a great – No, you – I don't have a big dick. You said the exact opposite. No, no, no, no. No, my dick – Kevin said this.

I have been told to go thank the doctor who gave me my circumcision. Because that's how nice of a dick I have. It's not going to impress you size-wise, but it looks like a dick should look. It's like if you were to make a dick. You draw a dick, looks like that. Yes. If Michelangelo sculpts a dick, it's that dick. Bigger than the David.

But it looks like the dick. But the balls. When you doodle in a dick in school, no one's doing a dick that looks like this. No one's got the hood. Half a skin up there. Yeah, no. No fucking crookies out there. I got it.

That's how some dicks look. That's how a lot of dicks look. That's not how Kevin's dick looks. No, my dick looks perfect. I haven't even seen it. I'm just gassing him up anyway. Yeah, you're big into his dick. Bro, my dick – I got the best dick tip in the world.

My dick head I would put up against any dick head in the world. Swear to God. Absolutely swear to God. But you like balls. All right. Zach, I like balls. Yep, that's your new nickname. I mean, yeah. Would you like balls if you were a gay guy?

Would you like... One last question. If you were gay. He's the gayest man in the room. Will you... No, my varic Bane makes me straight. Yeah, that is true. That's so straight.

That's so not gay. Gay guys don't get Veracruz Banes. Would you rank balls amongst guys you've hooked up with? Like if I was like, oh, yeah, remember Stacy? She had the best ass. Jessica, she had the greatest tits. Are you like, Phillip? His ball sack was primo.

Phillip, that's a weird name. You ever fuck a Phil? No. What's the weirdest name of someone you fucked? Well, think about that room while Zach answers the ball question. Do you rank balls? No. Okay.

No. What's the weirdest name of someone you fucked? I don't know. I don't think. There's... I don't think I have one. I have one. I have a lot. I don't remember.

I told Jackie this. Hooked up with a guy named Jackie. No! That's fucking hilarious. A guy named Jackie. I don't think... A guy named Jackie. That's so gay.

That is the gayest shit I've ever heard. Did he suck your dick? That's so gay. What's up? I'm Jackie. Have you ever think... Guy named Jackie, that's so gay. That is the gayest shit I've ever heard. Did he suck your dick? That's so gay. What's up? I'm Jackie. Have you ever heard that? Jackie Brown. I don't think I've ever heard of a Jackie male. A Jackie Brown? Well, Jackie Brown's a female. Jackie Brown's a girl, yeah. Is it J-A-C-K...

Well, why? That's kind of gayer. Was he white? No. Yeah. I can see a black guy doing that. A white guy's doing it. Well, he's not. All right. He's not black either?

No. Oh. Well, now I feel like I'm just giving this man away. I don't think so. No, there's a lot of Indian Jackies out there. I'm going to guess my next one. I'm going to go Hispanic. Nope.

Asian? That's the only one left. An Asian named Jackie. All right. Wait, that makes sense. Nope. Asian? That's the only one left. An Asian named Jackie. Alright. Wait, that makes sense. Should have been my second guess. Chan, yeah. Did you fuck Jackie Chan? Zach fucked Jackie Chan and he said he had

nice balls. That didn't even occur to me. Wow. Jackie Chan. That's a great one. I'll be honest, if I was a gay guy The first guy I would try me. Wow. Jackie Chan. That's a great one. I'll be honest. If I was a gay guy, the first guy I would try to fuck would be Jackie Chan. How much of a party starter is that? Like, my holy grail would be like, I want to be able to say that I fucked Jackie Chan. That would be amazing.

That's a pretty good one, yeah. That's a pretty good one. He'll be very surprised by that. I don't think I've ever fucked anyone with a weird name, but I once made out with and hooked up in a bar with someone named Marjorie. Marjorie? Yeah. Jesus. Taylor Swift, what's up?

I made out with somebody named Voldemort. What? Oh, yes. No, she told me about this. Yes. That's how we got here. Yes. I forgot about this.

Forgot about this. You went with someone named Voldemort? Yeah. No. I mean, that's the name from Harry Potter, right? Yeah. Yeah. It was pronounced like Voldemort or something. No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. That guy played you. No. Exactly. I mean, that's the name from Harry Potter, right? Yeah. Yeah. It was pronounced like Voldemort or something.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That guy played you. No, no, no. No, no, no. I'm serious. Do you know him anymore? Voldemort. Never say that loud ever again.

If you go to a bar and you hook up with a dude and you're talking to him and he's like, my name is Voldemort, he's lying to you. No, no. He had like an accent. he's like, my name is Voldemort. He's lying to you. No, no. He had like an accent. He was like, whatever. And this was in Sweden. You would really say anything on a podcast, huh?

This isn't that bad. This is not bad. I didn't lie. I just made out with him. That guy is not named Voldemort, Jackie. His name is Voldemort. Did you see a license? No.

Did you like any way to prove it other than him saying it was his name? No, but why would he tell me that his name is Voldemort? Because it's funny to be like, I told that dumb American bitch my name was Voldemort, and she believed me. Jackie's like, I hooked up with this guy this weekend. His name was Luke Skywalker. I swear to God. I swear to God his name was Skywalker.

I'm trying to see if there's any... There's nobody named Voldemort! It's a fictional wizard! It wasn't exactly Voldemort. It's French for survivor of death. Right? I'm not helping your cause here. Obviously people name their child

as their survivor of death. What do you mean right? You can only name your kid Voldemort. I'm saying it was completely made up. Oh, all right. Yeah, no. I'm not hoping her case. There is.

I can't. No, I think I have him on Facebook. Hold on. You have him on Facebook? What are you? What are you, 100? Yeah, what? By the way, subscribe to our Facebook group.

Jackie's going to have to different Voldemort. Oh, no, I'm'm sorry that was Snape that was a college professor I hooked up with named Snape no these are not real Jackie they're not real

I'm going to show you alright you whip that up we're going to do I'll get into our top fives so the top five most offensive insensitive

9-11 posts of all time. We will begin with VeggieTales. VeggieTales with just a fucking never forget with like a carrot stick and a celery stick. Just like, I don't even know what fucking VeggieTales is. Now, the big, nor do I. It's a Christian cartoon. What? It's the, yeah, it's these.

Oh, I thought it was like a veggie brand. It's actually, oh, I? Yeah, it's these... Oh, I thought it was like a veggie brand. It's actually vegetables. Oh, I thought it was a cartoon, but I thought it was like a Nickelodeon. It's vegetables that retell Bible stories. What? It's so bad. It's so funny, though.

That sounds like some competition. Why are you so into it? Yeah, you should hate that shit. Yeah, it's called indoctrination, Kevin. Well done, well done. Veggie tales? I didn't even realize that it was like, I thought it was like two little mascots or something or whatever.

I didn't know it was like a full-blown fucking show. As far as religious things go, this is actually probably one of the better ones. Yeah, we're just going to have a couple of fucking vegetables. Tell the story. Okay, fine. I feel like religious people would have like jesus like at the base of the tower catching everybody yeah like the lord has saved everyone but this is particularly funny these two little phallic fuckers never forget not with like the goofy

font you know what i mean it's like funny yeah it's. In memory of many, in honor of all, hashtag never forget, hashtag VeggieTales. With a fucking flag in the background, never forget 9-11 with a green thumb and a fucking orange fat whatever. I don't even know. The big problem with this is that it was in 2017. Yes. Like, you got to be better. By 2017, you should know this is going to be bad. In the early internet days, yeah, it was fair. Back when people would say, oh, this intern is getting fired because people were stupid enough to think multi-billion dollar corporations had fucking interns running their social media.

Right, right. But the – like back in the day, there was – we were still feeling out the internet. Nowadays, you got to know you can't be slinging that. You can't be doing it. 2017 is too late. Well, that's why we got a couple ones from this year that are just like oh my god you know what's unbelievable about this you know what's unbelievable about this john let me open up the actual picture it is can't even open that look at that it's like copywritten like they put on the side. Big Idea Entertainment. Big Idea LLC, like copyright 2017.

Like we can't have anybody stealing this 9-11 tribute. Nobody's going to use that fucking VeggieTales. Only us. That is staggering. Number four. Tell them, Johnny. Number four. That would be SpaghettiOs.

SpaghettiOs. SpaghettiOs is a bit of an asterisk, but we have to include it. Yes, because it has been photoshopped to. It is now in my head as a 9-11 tweet. It was actually Pearl Harbor. It is the SpaghettiO. There definitely, it definitely evokes emotions of Iwo Jima. Yes. Where he's putting up the flag, raising the flag back up.

The SpaghettiO has saved the world. He looks like a superhero. He's like, are you high in a 7-Eleven at 3am? I'm not 11, I'm here. He's got his tongue out and he's got his flag up

and take him. I think that's misogynistic of us. He clearly doesn't have a penis. This is a woman. SpaghettiOs are women. They're a pussy either. Well, they're holes. Well, he has one giant hole. One big hole.

Is that all women are to you? Just one big hole? No, there are two. Three, in fact. Three if you find the right one. Five if you're Sam Jetty. Do we think this mascot has a name? Spaghetti-O?

Yeah. Gotta. If you don't have a name, that's lame. That's Theo. Theo. So, Theo, that's an interesting name for a woman. Or is that... Yeah.

That's a weird name for a hole. That could be either. Jesus. Theo. Oh, I think. Jesus. Theo. Oh, I think it's like Theo. It's the O of Spaghetti-O, but it's like Theo. So Theo ran out there, fucking 9-11, flag in hand. There are so many funny Photoshop memes that were like, look at what Spaghetti-Os did.

And there's one where he's parachuting out of the towers with, like, fucking burning buildings in the background. Or this one. That is so goddamn funny. So horrible. Like, he's the nine. They turn Theo into the nine. Just unbelievable. This is the one.

He's peeking out from the... Oh, my God. That one, he did it. Like, he's the fucking K from the... Oh, my God. That one, he did it. That is so bad. Like, he's the fucking Kool-Aid man of terrorism. Oh, yeah. Look at this one. Holocaust memorial.

They turned him into a Jewish guy. Oh, my God. Just... That's the problem when you do these things. You just open yourself up to a literal lifetime. Yeah, but... Like, there is a brand manager who's like... Like, there is someone who works at SpaghettiOs

who hates 9-11 more than victims of 9-11. It was just like, fuck, all the memes are going to be tweeted this day. Like, my job's going to be terrible tomorrow. Number three. The thing about it, too, though, is that I bet, like, that increased sales. I know, because it just got, like,

like, this is how marketing works. You're thinking of SpaghettiOs. I mean, I haven't thought about SpaghettiOs in years. I want to have some right now. I want some right now. It reminds me of back when Subway was like, we have to admit, our tuna sandwiches are not made of tuna fish. And I was like, I need a Subway tuna fish.

Everybody's got to eat it. I need a Subway tuna fish. I feel like Chef Boyardee was like, all right, we got to fucking, let's make fun of Pearl Harbor next. Let's fucking, we got to joke about COVID now. We got to get our numbers up like fucking Sp Harbor next. Let's fucking we got to joke about COVID now. We got to get our numbers up like fucking SpaghettiOs. Look at the engagement they're getting. Number three on the list is Garfield, the fat cat, who there's just a picture of him.

It's just him sitting, staring out of black. But here's the thing. I think this one is almost a little bit. Satire? No, no, no no no heavens no no This was genuine they thought they were doing something good But I think it actually kind of works Because

He has the hands behind his back The hands behind your back always make it look like You're pensive and you're doing something interesting And you're being thoughtful It's like oh that is very respectful of Garfield To be so So I can't think of the words because I just used them all. The pensive inquisitive about the flag and he's – he is partaking in a day of remembrance.

He's sitting there deep in thought about how beautiful the red, white, blue is. He definitely looks reverential. He definitely looks like he's not trying to mock it. But again, it results in Photoshop. Something like that. Like, you're gonna have him just hands-clasped to the old grandpa looking at burning buildings. Because nobody,

because everyone's a child. He looks like a fucking, uh, fuck, what are they called? The old men in China? In Italy. Yeah. Fuck. It's an Italian word, I don't know. What's the word for them? There's old men in China when In Italy. Yeah. It's an Italian word. I don't know. What's the word for them? There's old men in China when they retire.

It's a thing that they do where they walk around with their hands clasped behind their back and they would just watch construction sites. Because of an M. And then there's the old Chinese men who do bang he. They pull their stuff over their belly because it's too hot. Umarelle. Umarelle's where you're just walking around admiring things. You stand there. The best part of an umarelle is the offering unsolicited advice.

Yes. None of the construction workers. We're just going to tell you shit. Oh, I don't know why I put that over there. I don't know why I put that over there, vato. I don't know fucking Italian. I was going to say vato. Vato.

I only know Spanish. How about this? Umarelle. How? Yeah, yeah. We just did that like 30 seconds ago. I don't know Spanish. How about this? Umaral. Yeah. We just did that like 30 seconds ago. That's like the third time Jackie's done that. Sometimes I think that her life skips.

That was unbelievable. Like a CD skip. I thought the whole point was you know the words. Yeah, but we got it. When you Google, you get too focused. You can't Google and listen at the same time. We were literally on to the next top video. It's Umaral.

Yeah, no. We know. We fucking. I try to help, and then this is what happens. Yep. Because you're fucking left side so goddamn slow you can't type. Dude, how about this for a little addition to the Garfield saga. September 10th, the comic they ran is, what's his name?

James? What's his name? What's the human's name? Jim? Jim. Jim is on the phone. He says, he what? And then the next frame he says, could you hold for a moment?

I have another call coming in. Thanks. He picks up another one and says, he what? And then the next frame he says, could you hold for a moment? I have another call coming in. Thanks. He picks up another one and says, he what? And then it's so two really bad things happened. And then it's Garfield looking mischievous saying, I've been a busy boy. September 10th, 2001, Garfield takes credit mischievously for taking down, for doing two very mischievous things. Yeah, okay. I really got a bad rap when it was clearly Garfield.

I mean, Garfield did 9-11. That's what it comes down to. Motherfucker wanted some lasagna. He did 9-11. Number two on the list of... Motherfucker wanted some... Sbarro was close. He just got real mad.

Number two is the reason why we did this list. It's a new induction to the 76ers podcast called Locked On 76ers with a guy named Keith. I don't know if there was another name. He was doing a segment of 9-11 on his podcast

and this is how it went just to say it was a tough time in our history and tomorrow is going to be an emotional day

for a lot of us I mean the fact that you see kids 20 something now never even knew their family remember you know it's tough it's tough You see kids, 20-something now, never even knew their family member.

You know, it's tough. It's tough. But let me tell you something that's not tough. Tell me what it is. Not tough at all. And I'm talking about direct TV streaming. You're talking about direct TV streaming. Tell me the deal. Does this sound familiar?

You've got one device that lets you catch the game live, but it lets you stream your favorite shows. Amazing. I mean, that is all time. Tone deaf. Taking the crown off of you in segues and placing it on Frank. I'm sorry, on Frank. Keith.

I mean, it is. It's a good segue. It is objectively a smooth segue that connects two topics. 9-11 is tough. What is not tough is DirecTV. These are facts. However, there is a time and a place. DirecTV came out and said

Thanks, Keith. We are getting fucking subscriptions out the fucking ass. It said, we believe in honoring and respect. Some dude just called us. He's got a fucking subway tuna melt, a fucking can of SpaghettiOs. He's watching Garfield on DirecTV streaming. He's having a

hell of a 9-11. Happy birthday, America. Happy 9-11. Happy birthday, America. Happy 9-11. Says, we believe in honoring and respecting the victims and heroes of 9-11 and agree that the timing and transition here aren't right. See that? I don't agree. The transition is not the problem. Unfortunately, we don't have control

over the placement of our ads and podcasts. Please know that we treat this matter with great sensitivity. So, that is pretty fucking ridiculous. But um yeah man uh that's that's the second one and and you know who it is you know what it is for the first the number one on the list of the most disrespectful ways to pay tribute to those who died in 9-11. The most disrespectful remembrance of lost ones and their family members. It's Marriott Hotels with the free mini muffins on September 11th from 845 to 915 Eastern Time.

Your reigning champion now until the end of time. They are 20-0 in the last 20 years of remembrance. It is the mini muffins for free for half an hour. It is. The fact that it was mini, the fact that I believe it's only in the time that both towers were hit. Like short of them saying like the deal was at 847. It's like 847 to 907 or something. I mean, yeah, it's for sure.

It's like, look, if we're done with crashes into the World Trade Center, we're done with this. Like, we will give you free muffins, but these are expensive. But you better act as fast as 11 Saudis. I got a new top five we got an honorable mention wow that was fucking funny yeah

you got everyone's reaction has me thinking I don't know if that should stay oh that's staying oh that's staying I don't know. Everyone's reaction has me thinking, I don't know if that should stay. Oh, that's staying. Oh, that's staying. Five minutes. Five minutes. Five minutes on the clock.

All right. All right. We got five minutes. I'll do a quick. I'm sorry. Do you have something? No, I was just kidding. I was kidding.

He's making fun of their window of death. You can have muffins for a 30-minute window of death. Five minutes on the clock clock What do you got? Alright I went to a Russian bathhouse this weekend Oh I'm so mad at you guys I can't do this Why?

I can't Because When I was When I was a wee lad When I was probably 25 Living in the city My friends All decided to go to Russian bathhouses every weekend. And they said, we're going to go schvitz.

Do you want to come schvitz with us? I said, what the fuck is schvitzing? So we go to a Russian bathhouse. We get naked. We sit around in this giant locker room. And we sweat with like a bunch of old men. And I said, that sounds like the last thing i want to do on earth and every fucking weekend they asked me to go schvitzing and i

made fun of them relentlessly forever and i thought i had got away from that i thought i never had to hear about schvitzing again and i walk in here on sunday and nick says in that nick voice you're gonna come to a bath with us and i was like what a bath we're gonna do a bath and i was like what does that mean and john says we're going to a r a bath with us? And I was like, what? A bath? We're going to do a bath. And I was like, what does that mean? And John says we're going to a Russian bathhouse. And I was like, it's back. It's fucking back in my life. And not only do they go, because I like that shit. I like going to

saunas and what's the other one called? The team rooms and saunas. I like going to spas, like massages, all that shit. But I don't like this because it's with a bunch of weird old Jewish men and Russian Orthodox men, and then they whip each other with these reeds.

Eucalyptus leaves. Yeah, eucalyptus leaves. They whip you. I got whipped. Yeah, not normal. No, Aaron. Aaron had wing tattoos on his back. A random dude.

Might have wanted to fuck me. Yeah, I was going to say, this is where you guys fuck each other, right? I was just about to say, this sounds like a typical Saturday night. But that's like, at least we're going to go to this locker room and we're going to suck each other's dicks. John just went to get actually whipped by a man

named Aaron. Right? Did anybody suck dick? No. Okay, so these guys are just... Just let me know after the episode, like, what... Like, the address of this place. That's all. You can go with, but I feel like you gotta show these guys the following. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Can you do me a favor?

Can you run to my desk and get my canvas bag for me, please? This tote bag? Thank you, yeah. I don't know what I hate more, the tote bag or the schvitzing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a canvas bag. Thank you. It's a fucking tote bag.

Quit it! Got it. So Nick has been asking me for a while. Not a while, like two weeks. Nick Tarantino, not Nick Hamilton. Yes. And so I went with Nick, KB, and Owen. I mean, anytime you're doing anything with those guys, it's a weird wrecking crew.

Me and Nick got there first. We get there at like 1110 probably. We ring the bell. The guy goes. We don't open for 25 minutes. A classic 1135 opening, you know, like all reputable stores do. Yeah, we open at 1135. So we kind of just sit on the street for a while, eventually go down.

The first thing I noticed, and I took pictures because I was like, this is like an experience, is all the photos on the wall of, like, first of all, there's a lot of Russian bears, as you can see here, bears and bulls. No outside food or beverage. Everything's in Russian. It's like a real lodge. But then on the wall. Where is this?

It's in, like, off Wall Street. And it's like a wooden, it's like a wood cabin. Yeah, it's like below, like this? It's off Wall Street. And it's like a wooden... Yeah, it's below the subway. You go down a lot of stairs. And the only way they clean it is they just make everything really hot all night. So it just burns shit off. I don't think they ever clean anything.

It's disgusting. In the lobby... It's just like cum and sweat everywhere. There you go, gay boy. Thank you. In the lobby, they have photos of everyone who's cum before. Now, there's – Yeah, they do.

Yeah, they do. This one, the blurb is trying to be sneaky about it. That's clearly Owen Wilson. And then – Wait a minute. These are just pictures of people. Autographed. not like in the – But it's just like a head shot and then you autograph it, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like, hey, look at me. Usually it's like I'm in the restaurant or I'm eating a slice of pizza. This is just like they could have put a picture of Owen Wilson scribbled on the wall. Yes. Now there's Khabib. I believe. All the Real Housewives apparently –

Apparently they film episodes here. All of them? Yeah. Apparently someone said they do a bunch of episodes there. Fucking Three Stacks, Joe Kim Noah. I will say Zach Braff. What up? A lot of people I don't recognize.

I'll give you this. It sounds like you at least go to the cool celebrity schmicks. No, it's not nice. It's not bad. All I'm saying is that my friends used to just go to one in Murray Hill that no famous people go to. My favorite part is that Ovechkin is on the wall. His is an autograph. It's just a picture of Ovechkin.

But we go down, and then we're like there. It is – and I genuinely mean this. It is the most tight-knit community I've been a part of in New York. I hear this. Everyone – I mean these guys, they loved it. They couldn't wait to tell me how to do it. They couldn't wait to help me out, to whack me with leaves. They couldn't wait to suck your dick. They could. We're all about it. They couldn't wait to tell me how to do it. They couldn't wait to help me out, to whack me with leaves.

They couldn't wait to suck your dick. We're all about it. It's co-ed, so you gotta wear a bathing suit. No one's naked. You gotta be insane to be a girl. You have to be insane. The girls were hot. The girls were hot.

There were probably only three to five of them. We were there at opening, so it wasn't very packed. There were probably 15 people there. I would love to hit on some chicks in this. Really? going to do more research but like first you go into the infrared sauna and that's like i think like 100 and something degrees and then you use that and then you and then you go to the steam room which is like 150 steam room really blasting those eucalyptus in there right then you jump in the fucking ice tub 30 seconds hold your breath let it out slow hold your breath let it out slow 30 seconds out boom from there you go to the schvitz Which I thought was just Jewish for sweat It is not It's a whole thing

A schvitz I thought it would be like Hey let's go have a schvitz I thought that was just Being like Hey let's go play basketball Not You go into

It's about 200 degrees In the schvitz room They got water in there You dump it on yourself So you can stay cool And stay in there longer Also One thing that helps in there

Is you wear a wool hat. Keeps you cool. Cap. This is a boiled wool hat. It keeps you cool and saunas, which doesn't make any sense. That's what they told me. There's a lot of great visuals in this episode. Go to YouTube. And then from the Schvitz room, you go back.

Hot tub. Cold tub. Ice club. 30 seconds. May I? Can we sell these, please? I mean, the message, the fit. I bought that one intentionally.

The little hook here. That's the hanging up on the hook when you jump into the cold tub. So you can't take this as a cold tub. That would be ridiculous. Preposterous to wear that anywhere jump into the cold tub. So you can't take this as a cold tub. That would be ridiculous. Preposterous to wear that anywhere other than the hot tub. And then after the cold tub, after the schvitz room, you go to the Russian bath, which that's

250 degrees, Kevin. You're fucking cooking in there. No part. You would leave your field in the bones. I can't even begin to tell you how little appealing How little appeal this has to me And then that takes probably about a half hour 45 minutes all told

Hit all the stations Chill out, get some water, hang out in the lounge Because we got a lounge, juice bar, soup bar And then Take another spin through probably Did you say soup? After the second spin through, that's when it's soup time. Everyone's just sitting there in towels, shirtless, eating soup.

I had a chicken and dumpling soup. Nick got chicken and vegetables. Only KP got fucking spicy lamb soups. This sounds like Mad Libs, where it's like you pick a place, a piece of clothing, an activity, and a food, and you do it all in one place. Dude, the soups were delicious. Best chicken and dumpling soup I've ever had in my life, I think. It was divine. And you scoop it yourself with a ladle?

No, no, no, no, no. They serve you? No, at the juice bar, they serve you the soup. They come out, bring it out to you. It's actually such a tight-knit community that you can just leave. You don't have to finish your soup right away. You can just leave it on the table, go do the run-through, the fucking thing. Come back, soup's still there.

Have a little more soup, a little more water. You let your soup just sit and sit in a fucking Russian bathhouse of sweaty men? And women. And women. And women. And hot chicks. And hot chicks. It is. How disgusting is this?

She's like, You're all going to come. We're going to do a KC Radio fucking field trip to the Russian bathhouse. Oh, that sounds really funny. It is unbelievable. I can't stress it enough. The guys there do love it a little too much, though.

Like Adam, Aaron. Aaron was telling me that he... Who loves it more than you? Listen to yourself. No, Aaron was like, he's like, yeah, it's been unbelievable. I got sober since I came here. He's like, when you jump from the fucking cold, go right to the Russian bathhouse, like, that shit's better than cocaine.

I was like, bro, I did both. I don't think so. You've got shitty cocaine. Don't get me wrong. It was invigorating. I had fun. But then I was like, you guys want to go eat soup? That's not what I do after I have cocaine.

I got out of the bathhouse and I was like, you guys want to go do cocaine? Clearly didn't scratch my itch, bro. Oh, my God. You guys want to go get some soup? Soup is like the last food on earth. Oh my god. We got to go and get some soup. This soup is like the last food on earth I would see coming or expect or want.

Nick says he's ordered the soup. You can door dash it. Nick says he's door dashed the soup. He got delivery soup from a Russian Jewish bathhouse? I don't know why they keep having Jewish do this. And I don't know why I'm offended by it. They're just Russians. Maybe they're not.

I don't know. I didn't ask him. We didn't get to it. I'll ask Aaron next weekend. I told him. I was like, I'll see you back next weekend.

I'll ask Aaron. I can't tell you how much I hate this. I hate it as much as the tote bag. I hate it as much as the tote bag. I hate that hat. That hat looks like the dad in Jumanji. The dad who's trying to kill Rob Williams in Jumanji.

That hat. When you do eventually kill yourself, make sure you're wearing that hat. Make sure we find you wearing that jar. Jar. Five minutes. That's a five spot because that was too vivid. Put a five in there for me. It's up behind you.

That's fair. That's a jar. Voicemails. Voicemails today are brought to you by mint mobile uh it's the mint mobile line the official sponsor of the kfc radio voicemail hotline we have been running for 10 years straight sorry i gotta interrupt real quick yeah i took a picture because they have weird doritos there i took a picture of doritos that's hebrew you're right yeah i'm telling you this is the most jewish thing in the world sp Spitzing is Jewish.

Oh, I took a picture of my soup. Looks like a great soup. Looks like a regular fucking bowl of soup. Regular bowl of soup, but it tastes like a great soup. Yeah, these Doritos, I think, are just like foreign Doritos. They are like the Jewish Hebrew version of Doritos. They're good. They're just cracked peppers.

Just cracked pepper Doritos. They're delicious. I am afraid to swipe. I don't know what else is going to fucking pop up there, man. You should be. No, I don't think so. Mint Mobile has been sponsoring the KFC Radio Hotline for a little while now. The KFC Radio Hotline has been rocking for 10 years, a decade worth of your phone calls.

We had somebody roll up on us before we went to the bar before the 9-11 comedy event. And this dude called in he called in the would you rather throw up every time you hear McDonald's or wear a fedora and have to tell people I wear it because I like it he said he was drunk, he was 17 and he called in

and now he's like, you know, every time he hears it on Answer the Internet, he hears it on our show that's like iconic that's like episode one, I think. I couldn't believe that was episode one. It's like so, so early. And he's like, yeah,

now he's like a 27-year-old guy, like normal dude. But he's like, I did the McDonald's fedora thing. He said he was like 10 years ago. He said he was 17 drunk. Unbelievable. And you just pulled Jackie

because I just said all that. Oh, my bad. I was sending the pictures to the KCV chat so they could put it in. My bad. God damn it. Cut that out. But that's what, if you call in with a heavy hitter like that, you

are basically a part of KFC Radio. And I will tell anybody, if you call in and you leave a message that we use on the show and then we incorporate into ATI and you can prove or you can show that you are the one who called that, we will shout you out. We'll have you call on the show. Like, the more people that want to get involved and try to leave legendary voicemails and ATI questions for us, like, the better.

We'll give you all the credit in the world. You won't get a cut of anything, but you'll get all the credit. So call it up. It's 646-807-8665. Call it up from your Mint Mobile phone because that only costs $15 a month. I'm switching over in the process now to getting into Mint Mobile, but I get my notifications that's just like, thank you for paying $243 this month.

What? It's like we don't pay for data anymore. We're not roaming charges. We don't pay for texts and calls. How is my bill that much? It's all those fucking fees and all this dumb shit that's all a lie. Mint Mobile, though, they are online only.

They only do internet service. They don't have any brick and mortar buildings to pay for or employees to pay who work the stores. So they take all those savings, pass it on to you, and that's how you can have premium wireless service for only $15 a month. Unlimited text and talk, high-speed data, 5G network, all on Mint Mobile.

You can keep the same number and all your contacts if you're switching over. Because I know that's what gets people worried. They're like, oh, I can't. I can't switch to Mint Mobile because then I'll lose all my contacts nope you'll keep all your contacts you'll keep your phone number instead of paying $150 you pay $15 it's literally 10x you're saving 10 times the money and if you're not 100% satisfied you get a uh within the first week

you get a money back guarantee seven days money back guarantee uh Seven days, money back guarantee. So, to get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, head over to mintmobile.com slash KFC. You can tailor a plan fit for just you and it gets shipped right to your door

for free. It's mintmobile.com slash KFC. Cut your wireless bill down to 15 bucks a month at where, John? Mintmobile.com

slash KFC. Voicemails, what do we got? Kevin, John, Nick, intern, Mike from Long Island. Been sitting in traffic trying to get to Jersey for about five hours now. Literally on the point of suicide. And I thought of a hypothetical.

Would you rather be in the car in traffic traffic, for the rest of your life? So this is your hell. So would you rather choose in traffic with like a 50% full bladder or waiting in like a DMV line with starving? You've got to choose one. Either in a line standing there for the rest of your life starving

or in the car sitting in traffic. This is like heck. This is like heck. You know, in that ATI question, you're in charge of heck and you get a,

you know, a bad punishment but not a terrible one. So you're at the DMV hungry or you're stuck in traffic having to pee. This is easy for me, but I think it's a different answer. Pee. Well, am I allowed to pee?

No. Oh, I can't pee. Yeah, I don't think, you know. Yeah. No. Well, I don't mean like pull over. I mean, like, can I just pee myself? No.

No? No. Can't you just piss in my own car? I can't be like, i can just order fucking delivery to my dmv and eat like okay that's fair um although there is a little bit difference like you do have to then sit in your own fill yeah yeah which but but the feeling there of the dmv no i'm just checking. Valid question, bro. Valid question. The feeling of having to pee when you can't pee is second to only having to poop when you can't poop. Oh, no.

Those are terrible feelings. I disagree. I completely disagree with you, Kevin. I completely just disagree. You're starting to sound like the fellas at the Schmitz. You're a mensch. You're a real mensch. You know that, Johnny?

I think that peeing, you can – okay, here's the deal. Can I do jumping jacks? You can do whatever you want. Okay. So what I do is very often I forget I have to pee. Like I had to pee before we started this episode. Didn't pee. That was two hours ago. Two hours ago, I thought I should go to the bathroom.

You are literally my child. Like, I tell my kids, like, you go to the bathroom, they're like, I went, I went, and I'm like, when did you go? She's like, when we were having breakfast. I was like, it's four o'clock. She's like, I don't have to go. And then Shay goes in, I hear it flush, she comes out, and I go, how was that she looks

at me she's like yeah fucking pee dude and therefore but i just but i forget but i'm just like i'm cool i'm chilling right now i don't have to pee or anything i do have to pee so bad but but the like you just kind of get used to pee. Hunger affects – you become irritable and you start yelling at people. Again, if you're a child. Being hungry? You get hangry like a little bitch. I sure do.

Everyone does. It's completely normal. Chicks get hangry. I don't think I know. Chicks get hangry. It is. If I'm at the DMV, I'm already irritable. So if I'm hungry, I'm getting more irritable.

And then I'm going to lash out at the DMV person who does not get paid a lot. It's going to tell me to go fuck myself. You lash out on them. They lash out on you. I'm not even going to achieve my goal there. If I just have to pee, if I do some jumping jacks, right, because then your body needs more liquid in you. So you sweat it out. And you sweat the pee out that way.

I don't think that's how it works. I think it is. I don't think that's how it works. Bro, if I have to fucking pee before I work out, what if I don't? Don't pee anymore after I work out. I don't think that's how. Fucking science, bitch.

No, there definitely is something to like when you're so dehydrated you drink a bunch and you don't need to pee because your body needed every fucking ounce of water. But I'm pretty sure once it's in your bladder ready to come out, you're fucked. You might be right. I mean, who's to say? Imagine you're doing jumping jacks and the body's like, all right, get that pee out of the bladder. We're doing jumping jacks. I just think that having to pee is one of the worst feelings in the world

when you can't like as an adult not gonna ask you because you're like it happened last week probably what's the closest you've come to peeing your pants as an adult because if you ever have a a like a moment like that as an adult it's a harrowing feeling it's like oh my god i am a full-grown adult in public and i'm gonna pee myself i came pretty close last night last night yeah oh i think at the show it was five fucking hours long yeah the line was so fun i was holding yeah yeah that you know what the worst is when you like when you're like i think you're gonna go so it's like if i'm stuck at something, like basically exactly what happened to you, it's like,

oh, I got to get up and pee. And you're, you're, you're telling your body, like, I just got to make it to the bathroom. It's around the corner.

I'm good. And then you see there's a line. Cause you, you have like three lines of defense. You have like, like that, you like, you clench your ass almost

and it like keeps you peeing, you know? And then you can relax that. But if you relax that, there's like no going back. You know what I mean? So you got to stay completely like held together until you're at the toilet. Because once you relax a little bit, if there's a big line, then you're fucked.

Last night I was so – It feels very clancy to me when you put it on. Very. It's like an LL Cool J, B-Boy, AKK, LL Cool K over here. It's a collab. It's a collab, the clan and LL. KKK, XLLJ. KKK.

I like how I'm wearing this hat. So people, if they're offended by it, they're like, well, look at him. He's got problems. He's not a sentient being. This is like when Frank eats his shirt and hat. Like, wow, come on. If you just tuned into this podcast for the first time and it's John going, I got a miracle's face.

I'm eating my soup. Do you want to see pictures of my soup? I'm like, oh, oh wow that gentleman does like make a wish with podcast kevin does a show with a soft-headed human that's the title um i forget what we're talking about next one oh it's just about peeing your pants whatever next voicemail oh yeah yeah all i was gonna say was i did consider being like, guys, I'm sorry. I got to cut the line.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought about it. Like, if you're ever, like, about to piss your pants in, like, a stadium, just cut the line and deal with the repercussions. You know? And you know what? You can tell, too, by the way. If someone came up to me and was just like, dude, I got to pee my pants. I'm cutting you.

I'd be like, no, no, no. You look into someone's eyes and you're like, I'm a grown adult, and I'm gonna have piss in my pants if you guys don't let me. Please, please God. It's like, yeah, okay. What's up, KFC? Hi, everyone else.

Got a hypothetical for you. If you were to have to come up with a porn reality show, what would the title be, and what would the premise be? So here's mine. It'd be called Fuck of the Draw, and there'd be 10 guys, 10 girls.

There'd be a deck of cards with each person's face on. They'd do various challenges, games, and then whoever won drew a card. Whoever's face was on that corresponding one, they'd have to fuck them and make a scene. Player's mind. Love to hear what you guys think. Fuck of the draw.

Fuck of the draw. You have a deck of cards. You pull out the person's face. You have to fuck them. Pretty simple. Don't really know where the competition comes in, but it's a bunch of people fucking. Because I guess that would be the point of... See, the problem...

I've thought about this. It's just a more confusing segment. Spin the Bottle? Yeah, basically. Asa once did a show. I think it was like American Idol for porn. Yeah. Oh, they got some good deals. Good stars out of it. So I was gonna

say I know who watched it, but... I didn't watch the show. I've watched their... I watched the porn show! I've watched their later work See Eva Lovia was one of them Wow I think AJ Applegate Was one of them

Let's figure it out Found some diamonds In the rough there I was gonna say like While I have I've said many times On this show

That I I'd rather like The beginning When they're talking And doing the intro And all that kind of shit. So like you would think that I would almost enjoy other sorts of porn programming.

Like the idea sounds good to me. Like, oh, this is cool. It's like a competition and the people are going to fuck. Like I'll watch that. But you're not going to because you're not going to like watch that with other people. You're not going to like get your popcorn out and sit on the couch

because it's basically at the end, you just like watch somebody get railed. So it's like you're just going to watch your porn and jerk off. You're not going to watch a fucking TV show around it. I will watch an introduction. I will watch a conversation. I won't watch a full-blown competition show. But I should want to.

It was a million dollars. Okay, now I'm back. It's called The Sex Factor. Presented by Asa Kira. Judges Lexi Bell, Tori Black, Remy LaCroix, and Kieran Lee. It's a 20 Sex Factor. Presented by Asa Kira. Judges, Lexi Bell, Tori Black, Remy LaCroix, and Kieran Lee. It's a 20-minute show. I want to find all the contestants.

Yeah, you have to perform in front of them. Okay, contestants, let's see. I don't know any of these men. Donnie Rock, Barry Newport. Just go to him. He said that like you don't know any men that other people got. Wait, no. Nobody does

Wait no Maybe I was wrong then You made that up Yeah Evil O'Neal was definitely a fucking You know what I've You know what Here's where I

Here's where I feel like I can Here's like the line of porn competition Throated You see him throated You know what I'm talking about When you ask me if I Yeah yeah by the way i i threw out a few texts this weekend to people just like you know what gate gloves are it was either people saying yes or people like saying yes but i don't think they do you know liars yeah i was like don't

google this i'm like you fucking google me um but listen for like a million dollars if the prize is big enough and it's like how bad do you want like, how bad do you want it, girl? How bad do you want it, man? Like, I actually think, I think a porn competition show where there's like a little bit of like, like in Survivor, you watch some of these challenges. And there's a little bit of like human suffering that goes on, right? I don't want to see that in my porn. Because that's going to get, I mean, I do want to see that. But not really a challenge.

So what we're describing is we just want to see a kink production yeah basically but you know what would be funny actually i do want to see human suffering on the guy's side that would be funny like if there's a million how about this how about this if there's like a million dollars on the line and these dudes have to last a certain amount of time but like the hottest chicks in the world come out and they're just like blowing them. And he's like, no, no, no. And he comes and he loses all the money. Imagine you got to last 10 minutes and it's nine 58 and you're like, no, I'm coming. That would be amazing.

That would be amazing. I thought you were talking about like guys getting tied up and fucked and stuff. I need them to like, or like, or like, or like, you gotta get your dick hard, but like, Asa Akira's out there like making fun of you or something like that and you get stage fright.

You're like, come on man, just get my dick hard. I'll get like $500,000 and it just doesn't happen. Because that's the plight of man. That's the plight of men. We got,

we're cooking. Okay, so that's, okay, what would it be called? What would it be called? It's gotta have a punny thing, you know what I mean?

You pig. You pig. it be called what would it be called it's got to have a punny thing you know what i mean you pig yeah because greed pigs are greedy yeah it's got to be called piggy piggy bank yeah piggy bang gotta get in the piggy bang or um or like um that might not test well piggy bang sounds like you're just banging pigs yeah fucking black mirror episode one but it's got so the pig has a humiliation. Pigs are a big one in the humiliatory community.

Sure. Pigs are smart. Pigs are smart. Pigs are smart. So, just saying that. Pigs are smart. Okay.

And they like to fuck, I think. I think pigs fuck too. Pigs fuck? And they're smart. All I know about pigs is they can sometimes shit on their own balls.

That one picture? Yeah, that one picture? Yeah. Turn on his balls? So can you, bro. Funny picture. So can you yeah we'll workshop the the the title but yeah it's gonna have to be guys you want to be a rich little piggy

god i hate you uh god all right last last voicemail today is brought to you by modern finance everybody out there talks like they're an expert they know crypto they know a guy they know about the earnings call they know this is happening they don't know that's happening you got to buy this get in on that sell early all this shit and nobody knows what they're talking about oh you know i love the people who tell me like they start a conversation about nfts like it NFTs. It's an NFT non-fungible. Yeah, I fucking know that. You're just regurgitating what you read on Wikipedia. But I want to know some real shit, and that's where Modern Finance comes in.

It's the crypto show for everyone, for the novices and the experts alike. It's their mission to explain the world of crypto and NFTs and finance without dumbing it down too much. So they'll make it basic so you can understand it, but if you're an expert and you do know what's going on, you can also get something out of this as well. True Ventures partner Kevin Rose interviews tech experts, entrepreneurs, modern finance tools,

and others to help understand crypto, NFTs, and even traditional finance hacks. So if you want to make money, learn how to make money, learn how to save money, learn what the new investments are, the new vehicles are, all that shit, Modern Finance is for you. Don't just be like, I got a crypto guy. Talk to the guys who really know what they're doing. And so check out Modern Finance.

I mean, the landscape is harder than ever to navigate right now, and so you don't have to do it alone. Do it with these guys who will hold your hand and explain to you what's really going on. So check it out. Kevin Rose on the Modern Finance podcast. Every single week, download wherever you can listen to podcasts. Last one, what do we got?

KFC Fights, Jackie, Nick, what's going on? Got more like a conversation starter kind of a question here. What's like the funniest like you had to be there moment you guys have ever had? Like, you know, with your friends or whatever, just try to explain it. For me, I got two kind of. One, we were at a bar, pretty crowded, and there was one guy doing live music. He had a guitar singing he was okay and we convinced our drunk buddy that it was scary like let me just waste your time with this

story that i know is not going to be good because you had to be there when you preface it and then try to tell me the story i know the story i mean finish it off because i want to know just how bad it's going to sound. We had him go wait up right next to the stage and told him it was his next. He had no idea. The guy was confused. The other one is my guy was at a restaurant. I don't even think if I was there, it would be funny. You had to be there?

No, you had to be at a different store. You had to be at a different bar where something else was going on that was interesting. I got his check to sign and the waitress like pushed it towards him with her fingers on the receipt to sign it and he signed it and as he was signing it he like tripped around her fingers

and it was the most confusing look I've ever seen on a person and we all just busted out laughing as fighters. Alright, thanks. That's a good one. I don't get it but I guess if you guys laughed

I think your friends are just stupid and you don't have a good sense of humor. What was his question? I was busy reading the... You can't multitask just like Jackie. You've been electrocuted. The episode, the breakdowns of the sex factor? I'm just going to do this real quick.

No one ever got eliminated from the show. Okay. Episode A. The girls won the challenge and the cast votes. Three girls voted Donnie Rock While blah blah blah Oh wait I'm sorry First episode one guy got sent home

David Caspian Next episode The judges invited David Caspian back Next episode There was no elimination in this episode As the challenge was not complete And continues in the next episode Episode D

There was no elimination in this episode As the challenge was not complete And continues in the next episode Episode E There was no elimination in this episode As the challenge was not complete This is just people fucking. That was just one gangbang. I mean, I can't. What was the question? What is your biggest you had to be there story? It's just like, let me think. Do you remember your worst stories? Tell me your worst story. It's like, I don't – What was the question? What is your biggest you had to be there story? It's just like let me think.

Do you remember your worst stories? Tell me your worst story. It's like I don't fucking know, man. You had to be there. Yeah, I don't have any you had to be there stories because I know those are not stories you tell. I kind of got one. I kind of got one. It was more of a party.

It was kind of – So one time I was at my buddy Mike's house, Mike K. Wish. Shout out to the Sixth Sense. He's a rapper. And we were all, we were watching football, I think. Right? And then we were in his basement. And somebody grabbed, he had like an economy size big bulk pack of toilet paper.

And somebody grabbed one and like kind of threw it like a football. And caught it. And then, it was a bunch of guys. And then someone like threw it at somebody. It was like, like hit them. And all of a sudden, it became dodgeball

with toilet paper rolls. And the room just kind of evenly divided up. All of a sudden, we just like, without saying anything, we all knew who was on one team and who was on the other.

And we're just like, behind chairs, popping up, people are getting sniped in the head, taking like body shots with like full rolls of toilet paper. It's like, rolls are coming out. You hear these things whistling past your head. It was like we were in Nam, man. It was crazy.

It was so much fun. We were in probably 10th grade, 9th grade. Back when guys are just doing dumb shit. It was so much fun. We were like, let's do that again. Let's just do it again, man. It was like, what are we doing here? We're just throwing fucking toilet paper at each other

We have to clean this up Yeah it was It wasn't working It was nearly as fun The toilet paper And I don't know It was the first time It was like the most fun

I have like a vivid memory of it And the next time it was just Absolutely awful It was just like What we are fucking idiots I fucking That sounds awesome It was

I don't know if you had to be their story No sounds awesome it was it was i don't think you had to be their story because that's no no but it was like a when you try to recapture something yeah yeah it just didn't work you know i i don't think i have any like like you had to be there there was one time you definitely do it's just like you don't i don't remember them right i don't know why this one popped in my head but it was like we were we're taking a ferry to martha's vineyard me and like six friends and we were scratch tickets, and we didn't win any money. Right, I remember that, yeah. And one of our buddies says, give it to G, he works in numbers.

And we all kind of laughed. We're like, that's what you think he does? Like he works in numbers? And my buddy goes, well, someone tell me more accurately what I do. And we were all like. I couldn't do it. We like erupted into laughter because no one knew what he was doing. That's a good one.

And like we erupted into laughter so much so that the fucking like the captain came over and was like. You guys have to. What's going on? You have to be quiet. Like you're being so loud. No, that's a perfect example. It's like something that your crew is infectious and funny to you. And then it's like.

What was so funny, dude? It's like we didn't know what my friend does. We don't know what our best friend does for work. Which I don't know what any. Dude, I was with one of my best friends this weekend. Anything. And my dad was like. so where does he work? Because my parents were with us too.

And we were going out later. And my dad was like, so what does he do for work these days? I don't even know where he lives. No idea, bro. I literally don't know where – I can't tell – I don't know what state he lives in. I can't tell if I'm a bad friend or if that's normal. Where sometimes I'm like, how many kids does he have again?

I don't even know how many times my best friends have procreated. I don't know where they work. I don't know where they live. I know he's visiting New York for the weekend. I think he lives in Chicago but it might be Massachusetts. He does weird things. I check out with marriage. I know who you married and that's it. I don't know your job. I don't know your kids. I don't know what a single one of my best friends does for a job.

I don't know. Yeah. You know, broad strokes. Finance. Like doctor. I might be able to tell you the company they work for, but I don't know what they do. I just know that I know your one buddy was an accountant and then he got fired. That's the only story I know.

No! This is the same kid who was in Townsend Weekend. He got fired by his accountant. Right, right, right. He wasn't an accountant. His accountant fired him. Right, right. So I don't even know that one. I do know that Frank Grillo is a bomb-ass stuntman who has parlayed that into some of his own movies. And he is now a 56-year-old fucking specimen. And our interview with him is brought to you by SimpliSafe.

Frank Grillo doesn't have SimpliSafe. Why? Because he's just in. Doesn't need it. He's just like, who's going to break into this house? And everyone's like, not fucking me, dude.

But for the rest of us who aren't, you know, chiseled from stone and, you know, have the balls of steel like a stuntman, SimpliSafe is here for you. It's the best home security system

in 2021, and it just got better. It has an ultra-wide 140-degree field of view so you can keep watch over your entire yard it has 1080p hd resolution with an 8x zoom on the camera so you can zoom in and see things clear like faces and identifying license plates and critical features if god forbid anything ever does happen to your house with burglars or criminals or anyone of any kind uh it's got built-in spotlights with night vision,

so you can keep an eye on what's going on day and night. It has easy-to-remove rechargeable batteries, so you never run out of power. The camera has it all and integrates with your SimpliSafe home security system, extending the protection to outside, not just inside, on the property. I mean, they've got everything covered. And so to learn more about the SimpliSafe wireless outdoor security camera visit simply safe.com slash kfc radio and you'll get 20 off your entire new system and your first month free with the free with the monitoring service when you enroll in the interactive monitoring so that's simply safe.com slash kfc radio enroll in the interactive monitoring you get 20 off your

new system plus the first free month of monitoring system the wireless outdoor security camera system all state-of-the-art all top-notch and you can get it right now for 20 off simply safe s-i-m-p-l-i safe.com slash kfc radio what's up you son of a bitch what's up what's up guy how you doing frank grillo what's up, guy? How you doing, Frank Grillo? What's up, bud? Look at you and your fucking obnoxious arms. Put a fucking sweatshirt on. What is this? Fuck off, man.

Fuck off. Literally, fuck off. The interview's over. Fuck this. What an asshole this guy is. Those are old man arms. Yeah. When you get old, yeah, you get, yeah.

You're fucking 58? Six. Six. Like, it matters. Don't make me any fucking older. Bro, you're going to be. You look younger than both of us. Shut up.

Seriously. You guys have beautiful, supple skin on your face. Yeah, you definitely got that old guy jacked, like, ripped skin. It looks like it's about to rip because you're so fucking trit. Yeah, I'm fucking ripped. Frank, I'll make you like it's about to rip because you're so fucking tritty. Frank, I'll make you a deal right now. I'll trade you my fucking face for your biceps. Done.

You can have all my skin. You can have all of my skin. You will regret that. You know who must fucking hate you is the other fucking 55 and 60-year-old guys in, like, you know, in your circle. They must be like uh i have old balls and prostate problems and you look at you no forget about 50 they're fucking 40 year olds yeah like i'm in the gym with like these 40 year old dudes are like i'm like how old he's like 39 i'm like you're disgusting you're talking about me about me. Bro, if we went to the gym together, you would be appalled at me, dude. You would be disgusted with me and my inability to do things.

First of all, I'm just looking at your shoulders. I would never go to the gym with you. It would be a complete and total waste of your time to do anything with me. No, you're not. No, you're not. It would be appalling. I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like benching like less. Like I need like a less than a bar.

I need like, no, the bar is too heavy. Can you spot me? I only bench 450. Oh my God. Frank, I don't think I've ever benched 450 cumulatively. If you add up everything I've ever benched, I don't think it gets to 450. That actually probably isn't a joke. It's really not.

It's probably not. Actually, how did – I want to come work with you guys. No. You can work out with him. I'll just watch you guys tell jokes. You keep doing things right now that – if you want to trade places like we already

talked about skin you can have my skin no big deal but if you want we thought skin i want to trade lives with you you are in every fucking movie that i love with all my goddamn heart i can't wait for cop shop dude every like every movie if you want to see a fucking fun movie you have to see a frank grillo movie it's fucking unbelievable hey you should talk to some of the other critics though yeah well he was running through his list he's going through like the imdb and he's like oh that one oh i love that that one's this is my favorite wait a minute i love all these fucking movies and and he's known as the guy who like he knows the movies that are entertaining and fun and like a good time that the audience likes. So if he gives you the cosign, normal people are going to like it.

And you've got like 10 of them. Let me tell you something. Like the only, at this point, I mean, who knows when I'm going to die, right? But I'm only interested in making those kinds of movies, right? Like I'm not, first of all, I'm not that kind of an actor where I'm like chasing awards or accolades. You mean a good one? You're not that good of an actor? No, I have some awards.

You know what I mean? I mean, I got a fucking good one. Fuck your Oscar. That's what I need. I don't need an Oscar. Fuck your ass with an Oscar. I got that. How much money does an Oscar make?

Look at my fucking action figure. I'm retiring off that one, pal. My favorite movies are what people call B-movies. Whatever. I don't even know what that is. That's nonsense. It's like, yeah, you're right. It's not in French and black and white.

It's just fucking awesome because shit blows up and people say cool things. Or this guy. This guy. Evidently, every movie oscar isaac is in it's fucking good no you know what movies you make you know what b b movies are is like those are the those are the movies i lay in bed at night and i like pretend that that situation happened to me or like or like or i think like what would be my catchphrase after I kill the bad guy? Or what would I say before I fuck the main girl?

All that shit. Okay, cut to, now I'm the guy who's like you, only I'm getting to do it. Yeah. Hence, fuck you. This is amazing. Yeah, I mean, was that the plan? Were you just an Italian meathead or you actually wanted to be an actor when you're growing up? No, I never wanted to be an actor.

I played sports. I wasn't a fucking loser. You weren't you weren't a thespian, Frank. How about this? But it's funny because sometimes I'll go to these fucking parties rarely because I fucking hate them. But I'll go and I'll hear somebody go, anyway, the thing about Chekhov. And I'm like, all right, I've got to leave.

I've got to leave this fucking place. Check out. How about that? See you later, man. No, I'd be like, yeah, the gun? I know. I'd fucking flex on that. I'm like, I've heard of Chekhov's gun.

You're not that smart. No, but that shit is so, you know, people talking to hear their own voice. You know what I realized ever since I did the film Warrior? I was going to, oh, I'm so happy you brought it up. It's like, it's literally my favorite movie of all time. Unbelievable. I love it. Unbelievable.

I mean, everybody's great. So ever since then, I was on to, like, I was like, oh, wait a minute. I get it now. Now you get the attention. Okay, so I get to mix now like i'm a physical dude i fuck you know i'm a wrestler i'm a fighter i'm a boxer i'm muay thai you know i'm like oh if i mix the two right if i mix it if i find roles that are physical maybe maybe i'll get paid and lo and behold not only did i get paid but i found something like acting to me is okay it could be okay it's do you hate your job i think you don't like being an actor no i love being an actor

but i love the this is why i love carnahan man because i went and did the gray i went and did warrior with gavin o'connor then i went and did the Grey I went and did Warrior with Gavin O'Connor then I went and did the Grey with Carnahan I'm like these are the fucking guys these guys are the guys that I want to work with these are the roles I want to play and sometimes they work and sometimes they don't

but I gotta tell you something I have a fucking ball I don't care who's in the movie I'm having a ball because I am a movie man it's kind of similar to what we did before we started podcasts and doing videos and shit, we've been doing this for a long time we just wrote blogs on our website

we weren't journalists we're not going to win any awards ourselves, we're not going to get any accolades, the New York Times you're not going to be in the Times, but tons of fucking people are reading our shit. Everybody was quoting it. We're coming up with the catchphrases and the things that people say, like the normal people were consuming our stuff. And it's like, well, isn't that the point to reach all these people and entertain them? Right. That's let me tell you something it's about pop culture right it's about pop culture

right and you know like i can't leave listen i don't do fucking you know in intelligentsia films brother you could barely say the phrase intelligentsia films let alone do it i'm a moron. I'm not, I'm telling you something. I drive down the street. I just drive down the street. I get pulled over 50 times a day by dudes.

Brother. That's all I need. Yeah. We always said that where if we were gay, we would clean up clean up all our fans are men I was about to say yeah it's not like chicks are ever yelling at you and then I'm like

no the chicks are probably yelling at you I love your movies too man but really though I really can't help but feel for the are you married kids kids, single guy? What's your situation? I just got divorced after 23. I've been married my whole adult life.

I got divorced from an amazing woman. You'll probably never hear anybody say that. But we've been divorced now for a couple years. I have a beautiful girlfriend. You could look her up. Her name is Nikki Whelan. She's an actress. She's one of the most beautiful girlfriend. You could look her up. Her name is Nikki Whelan. She's an actress. She said that with a smile, huh?

One of the most beautiful creatures I've ever seen in my life. I get to beat her up. She's Australian. That's fun. Yeah, so I am in a serious relationship. Well, the only reason I ask is because, I mean, I guess when you, if you get out of married life, just thinking about you being at some of these like double dates or cocktail parties with other guys where it's just like well you know i just like you know the only thing i do

is like golf a little bit and i you know sit at my desk all day and then you gotta walk in there what's up pussies i'm not at that dinner not even doing doing them. I'm in the gym putting up weight. No, no. Basically, most of my friends are fighters. So, so, and I don't like hanging out with them because they're meatheads, but I live up in the hills because I can. And I have a pool and two cane corso's and three sons and my girlfriend. And that's kind of my life.

That's all you need. I kind of do my thing. And then I try. We're about to go. I'm about to go to Rome Wednesday. I'm playing for the first time to talk about Oscar Isaac. I don't know why I'm on Oscar Isaac. I was going to say, if you ever catch him in the street, he's going to fucking wet you. talk about oscar isaac i don't know why i'm honest oscar isaac better watch this

i'm gonna say frank ever catches the trees gonna fucking you call me up i'll come get him with you i'm about to go play lamborghini the guy oh shit that's very yeah with bobby musco the guy who wrote, remember the movie Crash? Yeah. Yeah, he wrote Crash. He's directing it. So I'm actually going to go play a real person. I'm going to fucking fail miserably.

Dude, I can only picture all your uncles and shit, like back in the Bronx, being like, hey, Frankie Mayer, playing in Italia. Playing in Lambeau. All those Sunday dinners he came home for, thank God. Listen, I reached there in the Bronx. All my family's in Italian. Playing in Lambo. All those Sunday dinners he came home for. Thank God. Listen, I wish they were in the Bronx. All my family's in Italy. So the idiots are going to come fucking watch me do this. Bro, you're never coming home. You're an Italian citizen, right?

Yeah. Yeah, you're never coming back. You are. We're losing Frank. Frank to the boot. Dude, you are a true blue guinea. Unbelievable. Have you ever done a Sunday dinner where you got the big tins and you're fucking mashing up the tomatoes?

Wait, wait. Have I ever not done that? I was going to say, is there ever a Sunday you don't? You guys are lunatics. We talk about this all the time. Kids in college used to go home and be like, I got to go home for Sunday dinner. Like, bro, we're getting drunk and hooking up with girls on Sunday afternoon at the beach. Why are you going home? Mom's gonna make me. You're nuts.

You're nuts. I'm telling you, my mother, rest her soul, she passed away a couple years ago, but I just bought a pizza place here in LA, a pizza Italian restaurant with a buddy of mine, and immediately I said, get rid of these fucking meatballs. My mother's meatballs. Of course.

Of course. And I love, it meatballs. My mother's meatballs. Of course. Of course. I'm making meatballs. And I love, it's always my mother's fucking recipe for the sauce. It's like, it's salt and pepper and basil. It's all fucking eggs. Are you crazy? No, I'm Irish. I'm not crazy.

I'm fucking Irish. I eat the ragu from the fucking, I have, I have, I remember I used to work with these real Italian guys, and I would call it noodles. Noodles? He was like, for the love of God, just stop calling it noodles. At least call it pasta. Are you a Chinaman? Dude, we're both Irish, and I do like the fact that we make fun of Italians a good amount on this show. Pretty decent amount.

And people are just like, dude, I'm sorry we don't have your culinary expertise of boiled meats. We're not one to talk. By the way, bad boiled meats. But I have to tell you something. I love the Irish. Carnahan, my buddy, is Irish. Most of my friends are Irish. I just, I'm in love with Irish culture.

Well, you know, there's a kinship amongst us. I feel like Irish people are just Italians without muscles and Italians are Jews without money. Everybody's kind of the same and we all hang out and we can all take a joke and we all got comedy and it's all fun.

My girlfriend is from Australia but she's half Irish and I think Irish people are the most beautiful people on the planet. Thank you very much, Frank. Thank you. I can tell she's in the room.

I can tell. Without her in the room, what did I say about you? The most beautiful creature you've ever seen, I believe, was the quote. Yep, yep. It's a fact. It's a fact, Nikki. Thank you.

Okay. Yeah, thank you. I know that accent. Forget it. The accent, I'm over. I'm in love already. Jesus. So you're a fighter, you said.

I got a question for you. Yeah. I'm a Mets fan. I'm watching the game last night uh lindor and baez are talking shit you know we're running they're running their mouths they're fighting with uh the yankees and judge and stanton are out there kind of like what's up now obviously aaron judge and mike stan are big fucking guys and much better athletes anyway go ahead they're big fucking guys. And much better athletes. Anyway, go ahead. They're also made of fucking glass.

So I'm going to say tag team fight. It's Baez and Lindor, two like Puerto Rican brothers from another mother versus these two fucking doofus ogres who can't even stay on the baseball field. Who wins in a fight? The little guys. Yeah! That's what i said first of all you gotta you got any kind of puerto rican dominican mexican do not fight they can throw hands yes so i'm in the gym every day and i gotta tell you something the guys that i don't want to fuck with are 118 pounds

and they're from mexico city exactly i'm not kidding yeah the big listen every guy i've ever had a fight with the the big fucking muscleheads, you know, are you looking at my girlfriend? Boom! See you later. Yup. Yup. Made of glass.

I'm happy you said that. I thought we were going a different way. Now I got some backup. Now I'm going to put that clip all over the fucking internet, man. So tell me about this movie. You're working with Gerard Butler, by the way. Sorry to interrupt. That's his guy.

I mean, I fall in love with franchises a lot. I'm a big Fast and Furious guy, but my new one's been the Fallen franchise. Olympus, London, Angel. I think Night has fallen as next. Gerard Butler is the king of these movies. He's great. And let me tell you, he's carved out a great niche for himself and he is

a very valuable guy in the world of movies. He really is. The way movies get made, like Gerard Butler is one of the top five guys. If you have Butler, you're getting a lot of money. Wow. Really? And I've known Jerry a long time. It was great to

go and work with him finally. This was a movie during COVID that it was a script called Police Station, which was not good. They gave it to me and Joe Carnahan for him to rewrite. And, you know, Carnahan's an A-list writer. And he made Cop Shop. And then Jerry signed on. Got it.

Jerry had been kind of hanging around the script for three years. When Joey wrote it, Jerry was in. That's just crazy to me how long it lasts. I hear that stuff all the time. I think I just read a GQ article on Matt Damon where he's talking about the last duel. And that's been seven years in the making or something like that. That's crazy. Three years, five years, seven years.

That's a huge emotional investment over a long period of time. It really is. And by the way, usually when you have a script that goes that far, the actors change because now seven years, I'm going to be dead. But this was a few years. Jerry was

hanging on to it, but he didn't commit to it. It was not a good script. Trust me. I don't remember the guy who wrote the original script. No offense, but Joe Carnahan wrote the script. Yeah. Right? And did as good of what you could do with it as you possibly could to make it something really entertaining. And Jerry signed on.

It was the middle of covid but because it was made in a contained way in one set we hired some doctors who created a protocol hired 300 people and we went and made this movie like when nobody nobody was making movies no one we were the first that's pretty cool i mean that's like yeah so that's like this will be like the first movie that was made wholly in covid coming out wow and to me and you know i don't want to sound like a fucking whatever but it was it was amazing hiring all these people who were suffering because they weren't working you know most people on movie sets are just working blue collar people right right right it was just great to have that like we got a job for you yeah yeah for sure yeah so you kind of that provider feel which like i mean it must feel good doing a movie but then also being like i'm helping not you know not to say

helping it's not charity but you're you're giving a job to somebody oh yeah we're creating we're kind of taking a chance here and creating some jobs it was you know it was, and that's as altruistic as I'll get. Well, yeah, listen, not everybody in the movie industry has that Marvel money coming in, bro. No, no, no, no, they don't. I mean, that's got to be, that's, to me, that's the equivalent of like getting drafted in the sport that you play or you know hitting the fucking lottery it's like you get into the marvel world comic book world right now oh i would that's the one thing i would tell my agent if i was like an actor coming up i'd be like i just i don't care about anything else no awards no nothing just get me into the marvel series somehow i I know. But like when we did Cap 2, Winter Soldier,

Evans, like, he was like, kind of like, I don't know if I want to keep doing this. I'm like, what? Are you fucking crazy? You know what this is going to be? It wasn't really Marvel. Like, that was the beginning. Yeah, definitely. It was Iron Man and then

this. Winter Soldier is arguably the best one. My favorite one. I think Winter Soldier is unbelievable. Not because I'm in it. I just had then this. Winter Soldier is arguably the best one, my favorite one. I think Winter Soldier is unbelievable. Not because I'm in it. I just had this conversation. I think it's the best Marvel movie. I think as a film. It's the most complex.

It's darker. The villains are interesting. It's very cool. The ending is great. It's a movie. It's not a Marvel movie. Right, right, right. Yeah, even Scorsese would be like, this is cinema.

I was going to say, even the distinction of like, it's a movie, not a Marvel movie, I know what you mean. But also, same sort of thing. It's like, those movies, they'll make you cry. They'll make you cheer. They'll make you go through it all. Just because it's fantasy and not like rooted in, who fucking cares? But is it real? Like, I have a 13-year-old son who was in the movie boss lover with me

my kid played my kid that's awesome he was in one movie he goes i'm done with this he is so he is so engrossed in the mythology of like he understands it in a political way in a spiritual way i'm like oh i'm like because i'm a fucking lug head wow i mean but like why you know why is uh lord of the rings considered to be like such great literature and movies and doesn't have that same english yeah yeah right right it's got a fancy fucking writer and you know it's the same sort of shit if you ask me and it is like there are so many it's like allegories and symbolism and all this shit for much bigger more complex stuff i anybody who can't get behind that it's like get i know

but but i think what's interesting is having a guy like yourself who does seem to be like down to earth and understands the world and street smart to tell a guy like chris evans like you know maybe he was thinking like i don't know if i want to do this because i want to go get the awards or i want to go work it with this fucking Oscar Isaac guy whatever but having someone be like are you you're holding a lottery ticket you're going to rip it up brother are you fucking crazy

I mean look you know I'm sure at this point he's got hundreds of millions of dollars in the bank and he's become you know an A-list in demand very specific actor you know it's that's because of kevin feige and marvel right that guy man he might be the most important person in the world right now like not even the industry the world well look what he's done for every white guy named Chris.

Change your name right now. Get a stage name if you're coming up in the game. I'm Chris. Make it happen for me. Oh, you know what? We've had an argument before. We had... We had...

Paul Batteny. What's that? Paul Batteny. Yeah, but we were talking about who has the best ass on the set. And it was between Chris Evans and Anthony Mackie, right? So Anthony Mackie said we were talking about who has the best ass on the set and it was between Chris Evans and, um,

Anthony Mackie, right? So Anthony Mackie said that he had the best ass. Cause the, everyone said Chris Evans has America's ass and Anthony Mackie said, no, no, I got the best ass.

I don't know about my guy right here. You might have the fucking best ass on the set. Flex those cheeks on it, man. It's the squat rack. Yeah. It could be an Instagram model with that ass, Frank.

They both need to examine themselves. Chris has a better ass. Chris does. All right. One check. I'll tell you what. Mackey's got the, you know,

he's got a big ass. I know what you're saying. He's got a great big ass. Evans has like a tiny little ass with a little waist and a big shoulder. So he's, you know. I feel like, I think. Go ahead. I'm attracted.

I mean, I'm a little attracted to him. Hey, him and Oscar Isaac. Yeah. Who's the biggest in all the films you've done, who's the biggest, like, obviously you're a self-proclaimed meathead. Who's giving you, like, a run for your money? Like, I mean, you've been on set with Tom Hardy, Joel Edgerton, who, you know, I mean, you taught him with Beethoven.

He wasn't really more of a meathead. He was more about the science of it. But then you got Tom Hardy, you got Chris Evans, you got, you know, Hemsworth, you got everybody. Who's your, like, alright, he can kind of go toe-to-toe with me, Meathead status? You know, Hemsworth is a big boy.

He's a big stud, and he trains a bit. You know, Mackie's a dude, even though he went to Juilliard. So this is you saying nobody, basically, right? This answer is nobody. I mean, a real fight?

Yeah. Yeah, let's go real fight. Nobody? None of those guys. Who could beat you up in a fight, then? The Dominicans and the guys at the gym, of course. But is there any? Yeah, I mean, lots of fighters.

Yeah, I mean, fights. But, you know, I've been training jujitsu for 15 years. Is there anybody at all in Hollywood who could beat you up? Beat me up? Like, is there anybody else who does training and shit? Hey, you know who's a bad mofo

talking about being movies is Dolph Lundgren. He's a legit badass. Didn't he break his back filming something? Yeah. Was it Expendables maybe? Yeah, and by the way, I think he walked

away. He's also Mensa smart. And maybe one of the most handsome fucking guys you've ever seen. I mean, drago would like forget about it but you know listen here's the deal about hollywood there's a lot of fake tough guys yeah i mean yeah you know i mean mickey work knows how to fight yeah well that's not a necessity i also think there's a difference between uh training and knowing how to fight

like i feel like you've been in a couple scraps before that had nothing to do with my muay thai training it just has to do with life you know yeah yeah i mean i'm a felon wait are you really a felon i am what would you do from a prison a fight um That doesn't count. I train. I train fighting my whole life. Even if you can beat me,

you better wake up next day. It's coming again. Do you keep an eye on any of this celebrity boxing shit that goes on on the internet now? I try not to. I know Jake Paul is popular and stuff have you seen any like do you think he can fight at all uh not he hasn't fought anybody like his size now i

saw vito belfort called him out yeah oh yeah did he i mean yeah that's embarrassing debacle with uh what is it with these 58 year old guys coming out of, you know, I read a quote. His quote was like, I'm good to go. Like, I'm not worried about my age. And it was like, why are you not? You're fucking sick. And like, no, no shade to him. It's like, you shouldn't be. You're almost 60.

This is the only fucking weirdo in the world who can still do that. I'm not a Vanderhoof. You look at his career from his amateur career, Olympian. He's fought every heavyweight. He's 100 years old. Yeah, right. 100 years old. And fight and fight and fight.

At least. Right? Yeah, yeah. I mean, we should not be encouraging Evander Holyfield to fight. And I don't want to see the great Evander Holyfield get fucking knocked out by Belvedere. That's not the way to go out. The same reason that he would still take the fight is the reason why he would lose the fight. It's just like it's not, you know, he's crazy enough and beat up enough to even take it.

That's why as much as— But what do you think the check was? Yeah, it's probably pretty much— If that check comes on time. Yeah. I don't know. But that's why guys like Mayweather, though, it's like, you know, he doesn't put on entertaining pay-per-views or entertaining fights, per se,

but he's going to walk away with his brain. Well, his brain's not great to begin with, but he's going to have all his money and, you know, he can read Dr. Seuss books. Mayweather's not getting it. First of all, Mayweather never got hit with a sword. But those are exhibitions, and I thought these were going to be more like sparring sessions.

Yeah. These guys went out. He went at it. Kilo Bordee went to sleep. Yeah, that was bad. He got knocked out. Yeah. He's a 45-year-old man or whatever he is.

I mean, that is not healthy. No, no, no. You shouldn't be taking head shots like that ever. Oh, my God. We should not be encouraging this. No, I'm with you. I know. not healthy no no no you shouldn't be taking headshots like that ever oh my god we should not be encouraging this i'm with you i know it's like it's like someone's eventually gonna get real hurt and we're gonna be like oh yeah we shouldn't have put that person in a in a box yeah what were we thinking yeah yeah well instead of uh instead of watching that everybody should go watch cop shop uh you're a you're a fucking hell of an interview man this was great dude really appreciate it i had a great time yeah anytime you're free we'd love to have you back on to just shoot the

shit so stay in touch all right man i love it man thanks you guys are studs really appreciate it frank thank you so much man you just finished up another video here on kfc radio so click subscribe if you watched it all the way through you know that you like our content you know you're going to watch more of our content in the future so click subscribe now and it've watched it all the way through, you know that you like our content. You know, you're going to watch more of our content in the future. So click subscribe now and it'll just pop up on your YouTube. You won't miss anything. It is free. I promise you.

Zero dollars for you. Great for us. Click it.