KFC Radio - KFC Kissed Will Compton and Will Kissed Back - Full Episode

Episode Date: July 19, 2022

- We recap our weekend at WhistlePig Farms with the Bussin' With The Boys team - Feits may be the greatest drinker of all time - texting scaler - Armie Hammer is making headlines again, this time for selling timeshares in the Cayman Islands - Elon Musk's dad has had his second child with his stepdaughter - We discuss the newest Mean Girl Pod theory: Guys with big noses give better head - Video Voicemails - Viking Funerals - No orgasms or gain 100 pounds - houseboat - Interview with Amanda Hirsch ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 0:00 - WhistlePig Farm Recap 00;49;17;15 - Armie Hammer Sells Timeshares 01;04;40;25 - Elon Musk's dad has second kid with step daughter 01;13;10;28 - Guys with big noses 01;26;45;23 - Video Voicemails 01;51;53;00 - Amanda Hirsch Interview ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Allbirds: Find your new favorite shoes for sunny days and upcoming travel at https://barstool.link/AllbirdsBSS Roman: Go to https://barstool.link/ROMANkfc to get your first month of Swipes for just $5 when you choose a monthly plan. Cortina Health: Get your first month free with promo code KFC at https://barstool.link/CortinaKFC FFUPs: Go to https://barstool.link/ffupsKFC and use code KFC15 for 15% off SimpliSafe: Customize the perfect system for your home at https://barstool.link/Simplisafekfc Hellofresh: Go to https://barstool.link/HFKFC and use code KFC16 for 16 free meals across 7 boxes AND 3 free gifts!” DAVE: Download the Dave app from the App store right now. WhistlePig:You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Am I fucking a hobbit? Is this a human I'm on top of? It's another episode of KFC Radio. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports. I haven't messed that up in 500 episodes in a row. That's a record. That was my Cal Ripken.

I wouldn't have caught that as a mess-up. It's another edition of KFC Radio. I mean, it's as a mess-up. It's another edition of KFC Radio. I mean, it's not a mess-up. It's just that I always say the same thing. Well, that's it. Career's over. This is fucked up. We're starting on a low note here.

That's a bad vibe right there. No, it's a good vibe. The vibes are good. We just got back from vacation because, like, last week wasn't really even work. No, we worked for our day. Yeah. And the work was at Whistlepig. It worked at Whistlepig.

So we've been off really for, you know, like three weeks. And to finish it off with Whistlepig, Whistlepig, sometimes I wish they weren't our sponsor. Because they're so awesome and i don't want anybody to ever be like they're just saying it for money you know what i mean or for business like i you know like it's it's like i i'm trying to think of the things i love like the absolute like entomans has never been a sponsor of ours so people know that i fucking mean it but i i mean it with whistle pig and i want everyone to know that I fucking mean it but I mean it with Whistlepig and I want everyone to know that and it's because not only because the whiskey's in and shit

but the brand and the way they do this it's like going up to Whistlepig and I would say I recommend it for all of you but you can't. You're not allowed to and that's why it's so awesome. Because there's no riffraff there.

They don't allow your kind! It's like a friends and family thing only and we are very lucky enough to be considered on that friends and family list. We went during the winter and then we went during the summer and it's just... I'm the king of the indoors and even I love it.

That outdoor, it's like the perfect amount. Did you guys end up going on a boat? No. All right, good. Good. I don't want anybody to have a happy. No, right? We're not saying we did.

I don't think we're going to say it yet. We did something pretty cool. Yeah, let's just say, you know, everybody knows about the piggybacks and the can, and they ran into a lot of issues with distributing the cans, like in what states. You all know it. Everyone was like, I can't fucking buy this. And so now our business with them is shifting back primarily to the whiskey, which is awesome. And we're working in that realm now.

So we have a very, very, very – I almost argue that it's the culmination of what we are doing i would say all of our work on this podcast we didn't know it but was pointing and building towards this i completely agree in every way from the business side of it to the the product itself to like who what when where all of it it's our culmination we might have to like retire or like or like you know, start. It'll be the coolest thing I ever do. I'll live for 10 years, and then it'll be the coolest thing I ever do. So I hate to tease like that, but it's just we're going to make sure that we do it all right.

So I don't want to just have it trickle out, which is the way we do our tickets. Tickets on sale now, rather than just, like, putting them all together. Can I get a water from somebody? No. We have tickets on sale now rather than just like putting them all together can i get a water from somebody no um we had tickets on sale now uh i think like the last like probably like single digits of providence is around maybe might be uh available could also be sold out um we also have dc coming up and then september 29th for dc september 29th for dc and then what do we have for um we haven't announced anything west but or past there. But they did, right?

Yeah, but I'd rather us all announce it all in one day. Kind of like what we just said. But West Coast is coming in a three-trip, three-city, one-week stop finishing in LA. So we'll have three shows out in Mountain and West Coast area. So get ready for that um but whistle pig man we went up there for the weekend or the week that fucked me up yeah it felt like a weekend yep i got back i had to leave early because i had keegan's birthday party i'll tell you about that in a little bit uh it's actually his birthday right now as we record

um so happy birthday baby boy little man now and but the farmhouse as they call it up there where we stayed I'm like a I'm like a veteran now that was my third time I know everybody now but they you have like a world class chef making every meal for you this beautiful

like little cottage house that you stay in out back there's fire pits and cornhole and disc golf and axe tossing i got to watch the moon rise think about that i didn't think at all our boy jason who's like the head of their brand or whatever thank you said around 10 o'clock we'll go watch the moon rise and i said like i mean i don't know cool i guess and i was like well wait a minute no wait i've never seen that the moon is just always in the sky have you ever seen that beforehand have you ever watched one am i over hyping it i just don't think i feel like i've seen the moon maybe

i have i don't know if you have i saw it but i saw it i wish you i wish you came up and watched it because once i once i watched it i was oh, I definitively have not done this. Okay. Because – I saw it come up over the trees later. Which is similar. It's going to have the same effect. But there's something about the actual horizon. The horizon.

Yeah, I probably haven't seen like on the horizon. And also when you're – if you're just living your life like you're outside at a beach at nighttime, you're not like looking at the horizon the way I was because but when I was thinking about it it's like I always you know years ago on on on mail time we had our uh day moon was one of the I did an episode of like things I just fundamentally can't wrap my head around day moon always used to fuck me up but it's always just up there already like during the day it's already up there I saw it very recently where I was like that's the full moon it's noon yeah right right and so I was like so it's the full moon. It's noon. Yeah, right, right. And so I was like, so does it ever rise? Or is it just automatically up there? But obviously it does. So, like, I watched it, and you see, like, the cloud.

It looks kind of – it's not clouds, but it looked almost like the sky just kind of, like, gets brighter as it's coming before you even see it. So it's like this – like, the trees and anything that's nearby start to just lighten up because it was 10 o'clock dark in Vermont. It's fucking pitch black. And then you watch that son of a bitch just rise up. And I took a picture of it with my portrait mode with that three-second exposure thing. I made it like 10 seconds, whatever. You couldn't – if I showed you the picture, you wouldn't be able to tell if it was sunrise or moonrise. Really?

It's like it was so – I showed it to you, but you were blacked out. Yeah. Anything that happened to John that Saturday, blacked out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's not the best one.

This is – Dude, we had to get up at 730 to start drinking whiskey. I was fucking hammered. That's the movie. That's crazy. If you told me that was the sun coming up, you wouldn't, like, bat an eyelash. So, yes, Whistleblink's beautiful, but the reason I really did want to bring it up is to talk about your drinking. And not, what's the opposite of an intervention?

Like a motivation. Like, keep going. Keep going. I think you might be the goat. I think you're the greatest of all time. Why? I think you're the greatest partier of all time. Because, so you're right.

I mean, why didn't we just flip-flop the schedule? I don't know. We had games and stuff to play, and we had to do drinking, tasting. And we just decided to do the tasting at like 8 a.m. and the games in the afternoon. When it was socially acceptable to play games, we didn't. And when it's socially acceptable to drink, we didn't. And so instead, everyone's like hammered in the middle of the morning. So we drank quite a bit.

You drank. When I do the tastings, I'm kind of a pussy badger. I just like to sip a little bit. You guys had all six of your cups. By 8.30 in the morning, I had six whiskeys. Six whiskeys. Not even like i had six with six whiskeys not even like shots like full like six whiskey like pours and so what happens with john is you do get shit faced it's not like you're one of those like he can drink forever and you don't

even know you know definitely know and and i still do this to this day. I've been watching you drink for 15 years now. And I'm always like, John's going to have to go to bed in like an hour. John is going to be on his face any minute. But what you do is you come out of the gates hard, you get shit-faced, and then you plateau. And you plateau for hours. So even before the plateau, so we were drinking at like 9, hardcore. Then we did some other things.

We shoot, whatever. Then it was probably like noon, 1 o'clock-ish. And I remember I was like gassed, and I kind of went and laid down for a minute. And I was like, I get up to go outside to socialize with everybody. And I was like, where up to go outside to socialize with everybody and I was like where's John going to be? Did he like make it to his bed or is he going to just be like passed out on a lawn chair or like face

down on the cornhole you know field whatever I walk outside you're fucking throwing the vortex playing you have to catch it with one hand so you're just zipping him and catching him and I'm like I know that he's blacked out and running laps if you drop it there's a penalty you have to catch it with one hand. Yeah. So you're just zipping him and catching him. And I'm like, I know that he's blacked out. And running laps.

And running laps if you drop it. There's a penalty. You have to run. And then. And it worked out that morning, too. Yeah. Well, I think that's why you can do it is the workouts. But so, you know, not only did you surprise me there, I get, we get a text like the next

day. I had to leave early. I had to go home for the birthday party. So, and then, not like we had to do like a lot of work so we couldn't party the night before yeah but that let that second night was like we got nothing so let it rip and i got a text from jason being like let me actually read it because it was it was a group text to me you and will um he goes um oh come on just give me the Just give me the fucking... Give me the group text.

You know, I just fucking hate the way they do this. How come it's not... That photo's amazing. Anyway. And so Jason texts back, like, talking about, like, the night, like, the legendary night you had. And I was like,

holy fuck, this guy went through till the night. It was 9 a.m. What time did we go to bed? After midnight, right? That's insane, dude. I wasn't there the second night. No, no. Let me see when this picture was taken.

It was like a midnight. The video was like a late 11 o'clock. 11.25. Yeah, 11.30 I was going to say. Just an absolute preposterous idea that you were still drinking what's funny is the night before we were up till 2 a.m like trying to play pool we couldn't sink a ball but we were also like just sipping on the 18 year out the bottle here it was i found it he goes uh gentlemen just want to thank you for your time and effort of the partnership but more importantly our friendship which is what i was saying about

whiskey uh whistle pig it's like yes partnership advertising but like no we're friends i like them um and he says fights your performance last night was legendary every time i thought you were done you rallied back like a warrior that's what i said i. I said, dude, fights must have been like Rocky last night. He was hammered by noon. Because what happens, it is a Rocky match. What happens is it's like round one. And it's like

and John's just like boom, boom, boom. And you're hammered by the second round. And that's when I'm like, this shit's over. I'm going to have to do whatever we have to do by myself, or I'll just keep the party going, or I'll do the show by myself, whatever it may be. And then you plateau, like I said.

So then rounds like two to ten, you're still hammered, but you're still going. And then everyone else starts to falter. Maybe not in this case because eventually someone's going to die. Everyone went to bed. I got a little dapp in. So usually then what happens is like, oh, man, I'm hammered and I got to go home. And you're still there.

You outlast the competition. And by the very end of the night, it's Rocky and Apollo. And you're both throwing punches like who's going to go down last. I actually didn't watch the full. I didn't watch it. I was embarrassed. I saw it. So play me that video because I didn't know that you were laying face down on

the wood that's very funny this this i've seen a million times before the head bob and the stretch oh and you go right down so i just i didn't even watch right here and the hand up just like yeah i'm gonna snuggle in uh yeah this but this is that is where you're just Before that happened We were playing darts And I went up to Will And I went I bet you a thousand bucks Our team beats your team

And I took a dart And just Went down Like the wall Yeah It was me, Jackie A thousand bucks Yeah

It was me, Jackie And I was like I jackie and fights for us to bus and guys and we're playing baseball darts nine eggs yeah i mean by the third yeah you know if you can see the board let alone if you're fucking blacked out and just whipping it at the wall you just grabbed it out of my hand and whipped it and these are also people like we know will we've probably maybe had a couple cocktails With him here and there But he's never seen you You know

He's never seen you perform No Yeah they got a full dose Of KSU radio Getting kissed on the lips Getting blackout drunk It was a lot I handed fights a cig

Like right before all this So many cigs were ripped I handed him a cig While he was in the chair And for about 25 minutes He smoked an unlit cig better than better than the smoke in the reverse side

I did that not with the cigarette but when we were smoking with Bert it was down it was like a roach it was like down to the very last and I was like that's the worst. But just puffing on the... I love that. I was inside.

I don't want to be disrespectful. It's like, I'm trying to quit. I just need to... But nobody can do it like you. And you throw in some PEDs. Forget about it. He'll go for fucking 24 hours and it's unstoppable. That was a PED free day. Yeah, that about it. He'll go for fucking 24 hours and it's unstoppable. That was a PED free.

Yeah, that was natural. That was fucking natural, man. That's Babe Ruth doing hot dogs and whiskey. It was 17 hours. Yeah, it's nuts. It's a full 17 hour of drinking. And we're drinking like hard whiskey. And I'll tell you what.

If it was the piggyback cans, you would have been done by 3 p.m. Somehow those are harder than the whiskey. But yeah, man, it's impressive and it's amazing. And I want you to keep doing it. Because you're doing it at a rate that like, you know. I don't have much longer in me. Well, that's the thing. Don't worry about that.

I think you do. Because I think it would have happened by now. What? I think you would have like. Died? No. Well, you know. I think by 33, right?

You would have been like, the hangovers have started to set in, or I can't do it, or... I definitely had a bit of a hangover yesterday. I would sincerely hope so. It wasn't bad, but I mean... Fuck you, man. I went to the bar. I want to... I want to feel what you feel.

I went and I had six beers. I want to know what you feel. Because I want to know if maybe you're just a... I do think that there is... I've been told by doctors I have a very high pain tolerance. But pain is different than like I want to puke and my head hurts

and I'm mad at myself. I don't get nauseous. I don't think I've ever puked hungover. I don't puke from drinking. I puke from being hungover. Well, when I was in my prime days. I could just drink, drink, drink, drink, drink and then the next day I would puke from drinking. I puke from being hungover. Well, when I was in my prime days. I could just drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, and then the next day I would puke.

This is though, like, are you just sitting there, like, your head hurts and everything and you get bad breath and shit and you don't care or you just don't feel that? I think it's I always say, like, I'm not one of the people who are like I don't get hangovers. I feel different. I know I drank. you know you also get your revitalite going get the revitalite

going for sure um but the uh yeah it's like i don't know i i don't really get a headache i get i get wet brain wet brain you're stupid yeah like i like i have wet brain right now from you're just stupid i i that like That is my lingering effect of drinking. It's not really like, I'm sick. It's hard for me to formulate sentences right now. It's almost like Manny Ramirez is an absolute dope moron. He's a savant

at baseball. He knows what pitch is coming. He can think about the... He remembers every pitch, every pitcher, every style. It's just like you with drinking. You're an absolute fucking dummy, but you can drink. And like Bert Kreischer, I was going to say can drink more than you. Maybe not. I don't know.

If you set your mind to it, I think you could probably go toe-to-toe with the Joey Chestnuts of the drinking world, whoever that is, whoever can drink the most. But it's also more about the stamina and the performance, and you're funny still. Anybody can just fucking keep hammering performance, and you're funny still. Anybody can just fucking keep hammering them, and you're puking on people. For the most part, you're still together. I know all your tells. I can tell when you're drunk. Yeah.

Regular people. You could tell. I remember early on in our friendship, you were like, I know. Oh, I know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. There's a couple tells that I will never tell the world. You've got to figure them out on your own. But they're all little things that I'm like, okay, he's drunk. Whereas the regular public wouldn't know. So they don't know. I can be like, oh, guys, John's blacked out. Maybe you're acting a little goofy or whatever.

But there is this one thing that you do, and I can't do it myself, but it's when your voice starts to go a little bit, and I love it. Because remember the moment we had after Khan's wedding? that you do and I can't do it myself but it's when your voice starts to go a little bit and I love it because remember the moment we had after Khan's wedding we went back to the back to our spot it was just me and you and we were just having a conversation about being drunk and we were both just like

howling laughing and it was so funny and when it's genuine laughter because that's part of you're a great drunk to be around because it's very funny you don't fight at all or anything be around because it's very funny. You don't fight at all or anything like that. So it's all laughs and your laugh is contagious.

But you do this thing where your voice is kind of gone and you kind of cackle. You're just like – and it's a very boisterous laugh and it just – you could be dead sober and all of a sudden you're doing a drunk laugh too. It is – just don't change, man. Don't change. And usually a lot of people – what happens is people get a girlfriend or a boyfriend. It can go both ways, but usually it's a guy thing, let's be honest. And that relationship makes them stop for whatever reason, whether it's just like she sucks or he sucks or you're just doing different things with your time.

And then you have kids, and that certainly changes it. But just stay. Yeah, I'm pretty selfish. Stay with me. That'll be here forever. It's almost like people talk about a bucket list. I want to go see the Mona Lisa before I die. I want to see the Amalfi Coast and the Great Barrier Reef and the Eiffel Tower.

Everybody should witness John drink for a day. This is really nice, guys. I thought we were going to have a different talk today. No, it's man on fire, dude. It's Christopher Walken. I told you straight up, it's the opposite of that. Watch it keep going. It's the opposite of intervention.

It's a laissez-faire. I'm staying out. It's Christopher Walken in Man on Fire. A man can be an artist in anything. Food, whatever. John's art is drinking. And at Whistlepig, he painted his masterpiece. Maybe not his masterpiece, but it's up there.

Again, no PEDs, too. As far as natural. That was sober. That was me sober. Imagine me on substances. That, you know, was just. And when you're around civilians, they're like, they must be like, what the fuck? I would love to know what their, you know, what their thought process was.

Just picture this, because we're also, We rolled with Will Compton's crew, and the boy Taylor LeJuan didn't make it because apparently he's turned into a male model. So he's off doing male models. That was crazy. He looked handsome as hell. We both immediately replied to him. You said it too? I said, someone took their handsome pills today.

I was like, when did you turn into a fucking male model? You guys tweeted that within like 30 seconds of each other. I was like, I don't think they planned that. They were so, so gay. But he wasn't there, but the rest of the Bustam with the boys crew was down there, who are all awesome. Those guys are a great addition. I've already known that business-wise.

But some people come in and they fit, and other people come in and they don't, and they don't even try or whatever. Those guys are like a really good fit. When they were walking around, they were just going around the entire Wispic campus making up their own Frisbee golf course. They were whacking things with the Frisbees. That tree, that pole. I walked out and I heard a giant bang, and they were throwing it off the street sign. They were like, all right, what's the next one?

Oh, let's get it up by the pigs. And they just kept going. It was great. It was the ultimate gang of just like dudes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just bros. It was very fun. up by the pigs and like yeah they just kept going it was just the ultimate gang of just like dudes like we did a barrel rolling thing for the video i think had we not done it for the video they eventually would have like come up with that themselves like just dumb shit like that let's see how far we can throw this let's see how heavy we can pick things up let's see who wins in a fight and let's take our shirts off before we do it. That's why when we were doing our tour and like people probably see the picture by now.

But if not, we'll put the picture on the YouTube and the video on the YouTube. At one point, we like knelt down to like get a picture like with the bottles right there. And I just learned. I leaned and I kissed Will on the cheek. I thought you got him on the mouth. Well, so do you not remember this? You were blacked out? Yeah. Okay. So at first, I kissed him on the cheek And I thought you got him On the mouth Well so Do you not remember this You were blacked out Yeah

Okay so I At first I kissed him On the cheek And That I thought was funny enough Oh yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah Right

Then you turned And you got him on the mouth I think it was three I think There were three Yeah so I think I think Well at that point

He's kissing back Well so I don't think They got the camera On the first shot So then I said Let's do it again And then I thought to myself Fuck I should have done The trick where you Turn on the first shot. So then I said, let's do it again. And then I thought to myself, fuck, I should have done the trick where you turn your head the last second.

So then I said, let's do it again and get John in there because John wasn't in that picture. And I think at that point, Will was probably like, we don't need to do this three times. But he was like, okay, cool. And that's when I did the head turn. That's the classic, I'm going to kiss rape you. When a guy's trying to fuck a girl and he's like, I want to make out with you. And they're like, no. And they're like, how about just a kiss on the cheek? And the girl's like, okay.

And then you go, bah! But, you know, it was like, I tweeted him. I said, listen, my audience knows I'm gay. What about yours? What do the bussing gang think about Slick Willie? Big Will Compton playoff. Will kissing dude. Yeah, that is true.

You guys had a classic, you know how I know you're gay on Twitter after that, which I haven't seen since 40-year-old Virgin. Yeah, he goes, you know how I know you're gay? You kiss with your eyes open. Because I wanted to make sure I got it, so the still shot of me is like. And I was like, you know how I know you're gay? You kiss back, bro. I felt those lips do some smooching on me.

That wasn't a solo thing. Came out so good, the live photo. Pow. Gotcha, bitch. on me. That wasn't a solo thing. Came out so good. The live photo. Gotcha, bitch! Between that, they got that side of KFC Radio and they watched John put on this master class of drinking. Jackie was hammered for Friday Night Pints. That was a beautiful thing.

Jackie, though, let's talk about it. Jacked Up Edition right now is brought to you by Roman. Jackie has a great idea. We have six six ads i gotta get this fucking ass shit uh jackie brought to you by roman um jackie you know if anybody's gonna have sex with jackie they better last long enough right girl am i right jackie uh you better you better last longer than just a couple minutes okay and uh i feel like jackie jackie you should roll around with with Roman swipes and be like, here, bud, you're going to need it. What a move from a chick.

Imagine if a chick was like here and you were like, what's that? Like, oh, I don't like I don't need to wear condoms. You're like, no, it's not a condom. What is it? You're going to need it. I would like that. No, I don't need to wear condoms. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

None for me. Thank you. None for me, thank you. None for me, thank you. I love that. Like I said before at the bonfire, I fucking... Oh, that was the best. Jackie at the line of the weekend. Line of the weekend, we'll tell you in a second.

But if you're going to have sex with Jackie or anybody else, you've got to make sure you last long enough in bed, and you've got to do it with Roman Swipes. The easiest and best way to do it because all you've got to do is open it up, open up this little towelette, rub it on your dick and it desensitizes you that you can still feel things and still enjoy it and still keep your dick hard

but you'll last 20, 30, who knows, 40% longer and you can train yourself. The more you do it, the better you get, the longer you last. Next thing you know, you're like, oh shoot, I don't have my Roman swipes on me. It's all good. It's like Mr. Miyagi, man. It's like he trained you.

He taught you. You're ready for this moment. Do it on your own, and your dick will actually not come super fast. You feel like it's the dick's fault or the ball's fault? Dick. It's the dick because that's where the feeling is coming from. But also, don't you think the dick can be like, hey, balls, keep it locked up. I'll let you know when.

I think really what must be going on is the dick. I'd like to imagine that the dick and the balls have like a feud going on almost. And he's like, I'm going to get that cum. Like the dick wants to come out of the balls and the balls is trying to keep it. And the dick's like, I'm going to trick you into opening up that fucking wall. That's what I think is going on. How about this? The dick and balls are at odds with each other.

Yes, exactly. The dick and balls is like Ben and Jerry, Tom and Jerry, the cats. The cat and the mouse. It's a little game. And the dick has been winning for millennia and then along comes the balls like hey i got this roman swipe and the roman the dick's like no no it's the roman swipe again fuck anyway anyway here's what i was talking about after one month of using the swipes men last three minutes uh after the second month of using the swipe. Five and a half minutes. That's a 340% increase.

You're trying to get fucked 340% better, girl? I got you. So go to GetRoman.com slash KFC to get your first month of Roman swipes for just $5 when you choose a monthly plan. That's GetRoman.com slash KFC. Jackie was... Nick kind of set it up perfectly.

It was, we needed a couple extra people. So it was me, John, and Will for Pints, obviously the host of the show. And then it was like, JP is their producer, editor, but also like half content guy. And Jackie's our half content girl. So they slid in and Jackie was hammered. Just ham faced. And, um,

but in the good way, huh? Was it that obvious? I shouldn't say hammered, but you were just fucking drunk. There was a lot of like, Hey, let me,

I got this, you know, like hands out and like, I'm talking right now. Cause like we say you, it was funny. Cause I, I,

uh, introduced JP as the star of busting with the boys to fuck with will. And then I had to introduce Jackie, it was funny because I introduced JP as the star of Bustin' with the Boys to Fuck with Will, and then I had to introduce Jackie, and it was like, and she's the star of KSRA. She's running the show here. So Jackie has a new thing that I think is going to work. You can't push it too much, like stop trying to make fetch happen, but I do like this scale because the world loves scales. They love the 0 to 10 scale.

They love the binary 0, 1. They love all these different ways to rank people. She's a New York, Chicago 2, was a New York 10, all that shit. Yeah, yeah.

So Jackie's new rating system is sex positions. But she only has two of them. She just has missionary and then she just kept saying over and over again, binding wheelbarrow. Over and over. You had doggy too.

Yeah, doggy was the good. So her point was, if you're texting with a guy and he's very boring and not witty and funny, she would say to her girls, he texts missionary. And what you want is you want a guy to text you doggy,

where it's just like, it's good, it's kinky, it's fun, but it's not crazy. And then you can go too far with it. And her example for too far was binding and wheelbarrow. What's, like, the most, like, extraneous, you know? No, I mean, I know, though. You definitely get the point. It was just funny that I thought by the fifth time, I was like, I think Jackie gets fucked in the wheelbarrow binding position a lot.

I don't know what's going on here. I think that if you had me list every sex position I know, I don't think I, I know of the wheelbarrow. I don't think I would have thought to write it down and say it. Well, I. I think I'd have been like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw that one in a movie once. Well, I asked her. I kept saying, give me the rest of the floor. Well, I... I think I'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw that one in a movie once. Well, I asked her.

I kept saying, give me the rest of the scale because then it'll, you know, she couldn't think of any other. She had no others.

It was just, it just goes from missionary to doggy to binding wheelbarrow. By the way, when I was growing up, I learned, it was called

the Hoover Maneuver in my day because it's like vacuuming. Like you're like holding the person like a vacuum. Oh, wheelbarrows like that? That's what I was thinking.

What's the wheelbarrow? I think in my mind, the lady is on their shoulders on a wheelbarrow. The lady is on their shoulders? I guess. No, she's probably on her hands. Yeah.

I'm basically doing the heavy lifting. I got your legs up. You're holding the legs. But I had it backwards. I had it, like, where, like, she'd be up. Is it with you?

Which is the way it can be done. Like, how you do, like, wheelbarrow races. But it's the girl's legs. Yeah. The girl's legs. Yeah.

Yeah. And she's... She's doggy, but on your legs. Your face is down and Your hands are holding you up Or your elbows or whatever I've never done that But you're

But you're talking about It's just an arm workout for everyone Yeah Yeah You're saying The guy would be on his back or something No no no She would be on her back

Uh huh The lady Uh huh But like the guy would be Holding up legs It's just like So it's just flip over Yeah it's just flip over

Yeah yeah got it got it But over But I think that way works Well when you do a wheelbarrow race It's holding legs and hands So I think it's just wheelbarrow but six But what would be So let's make our list So missionary is like There's not that many versions of texting

Like I feel like you only need three Yes you're probably right But no there's got to be some nuance. It's like, okay, they both text really good. They're both dog-eating. One's got to be, I think you need five to have a system. So I think you need two more. Because binding wheelbarrow is the top.

Which I might shoot for. I might try to be like, I'm going to wheelbarrow text this bitch. I also think that it's not even just texting. I think it's just like you could use it for anything. Yeah, anything. I mean, anything that you want to. It'll probably be mostly about dating a guy or whatever, but he can dress a certain way. He could have game in person a good way.

This is his game when he's texting. I guess it gets weird when it's his actual sex game. Because could you fuck somebody doggy style in the scale missionary? Like his doggy style fuck his missionary. Yeah, that can get really... And vice versa, his missionary might be awesome.

So you want the missionary. Yeah. I think the list has to then go missionary, girl on top, girl, reverse cowgirl. I can't believe we never thought of a better name for that. I know. There's nothing.

Well, I guess it's cowgirl. Girl, reverse cowgirl. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I guess it would go missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, doggy. But how can his game be cowgirl? That's what I mean That's what I mean We need a different

What are the positions for guys? Everything is where the girl is really going, right? The girl's on her hands and knees The girl's on her back The girl's holding herself with her hands while she's bound The girl You know, there's not many Except for Amazon

That's why Amazon's funny Because the guy is the one getting fucked The guy's never getting fucked Unless you're like pegging or doing Amazon Maybe that's why Amazon's funny because the guy is the one getting fucked. The guy's never getting fucked unless you're like pegging or doing Amazon. Maybe that's like the top top. What? Pegging or the Amazon? The X factor is

preposterous. That looks like it definitely a realistic sexual position. Yeah, that's the thing about these things. They're so silly, you know. That one's tough because you gotta have a big dick for that. The cowboy. Whoa! Let's go.

Go back to the cowboy for a second, you know? Read that off. What's mine is yours. What's yours is mine. One and for all. Okay, I just wanted to be like, here's how you do it. But I guess it's pretty obvious. But wait. I don't get it. That's just her legs are inside of your legs instead of the outside.

When you're doing missionary, she just has her legs out and you're in the middle. Instead, you're on top of her like cowgirl. You're a cowboy. That's a wild move, dude. That move was loose. That's one you have after a couple glasses of wine. Yeah, well, a lot of these – What the hell? That's one person. That's the you have after a couple glasses of wine. Yeah, well, a lot of these, like... What the hell?

That's one person. That's the prone bone. Oh, yeah, self-loving. That's what they're talking about, though. Girls can do that, I guess. The champagne room. That's funny. That's a good one.

Terrible. Get out of here. I am not trying to lift your ass up. I'll go lift. For the effect, you enjoy it. Like, there's no way it feels good. For the fucking effect, dude. Yeah, there's no way it's like... Dude, I do the whole fucking production for the effect or you enjoy it? There's no way it feels good. For the fucking effect, dude. Yeah, there's no way it's like this.

Dude, I do the whole fucking production for the effect. This feels just as good. I'm doing the whole thing because I want to see things and touch things. Everything is for the effect. Nothing I enjoy about it. That is really so true, and I don't know if it's the same for girls. I guess because, you know, listen, the premier position, chicks are just looking at the fucking wall. I guess, because, you know, listen, the premier position, chicks are just looking

at the fucking wall. That sucks, man. Like, reverse cowgirl is a big thing because the guy's like, damn, I can see your asshole and I'm smacking your ass and all that.

You're just looking at the wall. I remember a girl when we were... Looking at your fucking feet, dude. Dude, I'm like, I'll fucking stick them under the sheets

and get out of here. Look at my fucking disgusting ass feet, dude. This is mortifying. Look at those hot... You're just, I'll fucking stick him under the sheets and get out of here. Look at my fucking disgusting ass feet, dude. This is mortifying. Look at those hocks. You're just going to stare at my feet, dude? Did you imagine a drunk girl just like, she comes out of her blackout and she's like, am I fucking a hobbit?

Is this a human I'm on top of? I do remember a girl. The socks stay on during sex. Give me some slippers. I know a girl when we were younger. She was fucking a younger guy. And he mentioned to her that he had never had a girl ride him reverse cowgirl. And so she was like, I'm going to blow this guy's mind tonight.

I'm going to do it. I guess she was kind of nervous about it too, whatever. So she got a little drunk. And she said she woke up and like trying to piece together the whole night and like did she fuck him how she fucked him all that and then she like all of a sudden she said she just had a flash of two feet and she was like i did it but yeah you're not looking at much i think guys are like i want to see all these different parts and all these different places and i want to see the cum here and all that and girls it's just like

just don't move just stay still while I fuck stay still while I ride you and then you can do whatever you want you dumb simpleton motherfucker you want to see the product it's like fireworks it's honestly like fireworks you've seen this a million times before right once you fucked a bunch of chicks you fucked a bunch of chicks but it's like I want to see

that one and those I want to see that face and those i want to see that face look like you know the pretzel what are we doing here i can't even tell where what's up and down with these little figures these are not very helpful the kama sutra let me tell you this about the kama sutra if you're going to do a kama sutra position it needs to be on a night where you tell your partner hey let's do the Kama Sutra tonight. You know? You can't just be like, hang on.

You know, when you're having sex, you're like, you tell someone, flip over or come this way, you pull them around. When you're like, okay, just hang on, let me just... Put it this way. It's like, what are you doing? But if you say to them, hey, we're going to try out the Kama Sutra tonight,

people get, you know, they get their stretch on. They're like, all right, good. Got to get ready for the pretzel dive. What the fuck are we doing here? So anyway, I think it should go missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, doggy, pile driver, binding wheelbarrow. Yeah, okay. I mean, that's six. But it's like – because I think the wheelbarrow is too much.

Yeah. But it's also like – but I can – Maybe it was someone's birthday. Like I think doggy is the – That is funny. It's like it's your birthday. It's my birthday. Will you like sacrifice some vertebrae for me?

And that's all just regular. That's's just like p and the b right it's not it's just the positions you're doing it because i think like a a pile driver's texter might be like you know if doggy's the sweet spot pile driver might be like he's a little bit too much but whatever we're okay and then binding wheelbarrow you you're like, I'm out. And that way doggy can be the, or I think, I guess so reverse cowgirls right in the middle. There's two on either side. No, no, there's a two and a half. Anyway, I think that's your.

Like the original thought was like, like if he's being like really funny over text and you could just be like, he's fucking wheelbarrowing me over text right now like that. So that's good then. But then, yes. So then I go back and forth. You said wheelbarrowing me over text right now. So that's good then. But then I go back and forth. Binding's too much. Can you wait? So then I go back and forth between being like, okay, but also like, I don't, it's like the same for the show. Like, I don't want too much.

Cause then like, some people are so much better over text than they are in person. Then that's not cool. So then I don't want, so it's like this whole thing. So then I just, I have not worked out the scale yet. Okay. In that case, I would think, I think we'll, we, binding wheelbarrow needs to be like, because there's bad, like missionary, meaning it kind of goes up and then down. It's not like it just keeps getting better. Right.

It's like, this sucks and this sucks. Yeah. Because, and one is just quiet and the other one is like, I'm going to fucking, you know, they're saying, if you text the word gape, you're probably in a wheelbarrow binding situation. So I think that should be bad, but I guess it's up to you and the ladies. So the girls and the people who take dicks probably need to make this list more so than the fellas. I'll reconvene with my girls, and we'll see what they think of the scale.

And what's funny for guys is that, like, Doggy is, like, you know, if we had to make our own scale, like, Doggy's, like, bare minimum. You know what I mean? We're talking, you know, what's too far on our list? What's the binding wheelbarrow for fellas? It's, like, that Armie Hammer shit. I'll let you know when I find it.

A what? I said I'll let you know when I find it. Yeah, we haven't found that yet. TBD. Speaking of Arm What? I'll still let you know when I find it. Yeah. We haven't found that yet. TBD. Speaking of Armie Hammer, we've got to talk about him and whatever else is going on in the news this weekend. I feel like it was a big news weekend. Brought to you by Allbirds. The news out of the sneaker game is that Allbirds is the sneaker that you've got to have, whether you're talking working out, going to work, going on dates,

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It's allbirds.com. You know how to find it, and if you don't shut up um before we even do army hammer we do have to give jackie's line of the weekend yeah because as we were talking about uh was there a camera on you for that oh fuck she just kind of did one of these like jackie's line of the weekend how how did that come about? Because I think everybody was hazy at that point I was around the fire I was stoned to the moon

Everybody was kind of drunk So I don't even know how that materialized Because we were like I was like fuck I haven't done expenses So we were like alright Monday expenses time And then I was like I was going through my checklist I was like I also need

I need to call my guy. I was like, I also need, we're also doing, I need to call my guy now because that's another thing. Oh, that was what, that was the second funniest line. It was like, we're doing expenses

and we got the podcast and then Jackie was like, and I need my guy now. The way she dropped out, like it was just like two or three things in a row. Like I need to edit,

we need to record, we got to do expenses and Jackie's like, and I need to call my guy now. This is TMI, but I gyno. This is TMI. But I... The whole show is TMI. I've been avoiding the gyno

because I have some... My ovaries feel like they're going to pop. There's something wrong. I don't know if it's a cyst. I don't know if it's cancer. But I had... I was taking a walk yesterday. I had to sit down because my ovaries, literally, I thought they were going to burst. What is that?

I don't know. I just were like. No, no, but like right here hurts. Yeah. Kind of like your lower. So I'll keep you all updated on that. I mean, if she's not just morphing slowly into the show. It's Beckner, dude.

I just thought. I got that now. Do you ignore your doctor because it might be like something fatally wrong and you just don't want to confirm it boy do i have the show for you so anyways it might burst this week if i don't get like an appointment asap yeah so you also see you said because we started laughing when you said it and you went guys you're laughing but if i don't get to the guy i don't get this iud i'm gonna get pregnant yeah so wait because you haven't gotten to the guy no at all you don't have your id i don't have my id because i was like yeah do you have to you have to

go i got it out no no but like how yeah do you explain to me how that works so i had a i had an id it expired expired okay so how long does that last? Well, okay, it's either three, five, seven, or ten years. Oh, years. So I got... I thought this was a month thing. No. I'm not trusting a little wishbone that you put in ten years ago.

Fuck that. I think you have been trusting those. Yeah, yeah. I think over the course of your life, you've trusted those many a time. Probably. I think I've been strictly girls on the pill, man. I'm old. You know what I mean?

Like, I don't know many IUD chicks. I feel like a lot of the girls in my wheelhouse are. You can feel it? You can feel the strings. You can feel it? With your dick or with your hands? One time I, like. I definitely have not then.

I'm not a psychologist. I had a guy who was like, what's tickling me right now? He said that? Those are my strengths. The tip is just rubbing against a little plastic thing? No, it's their strings. And it like just tickles the tip a little bit. I gotta fuck a girl tonight, you need to.

That sounds like a little sex toy. Because you got little like curtains hanging in your pussy? It's not like hanging it out, but yeah. Yeah, I think I don't really remember. I was like, I was

fucking drunk one time. No. And I was like fingering a girl before we had intercourse. And like, I'm 99% sure.

I think this is like crazy. I think I pulled it out. Is that possible, Jackie? Or would that hurt like a motherfucker? I had a friend who thought she was pulling out a tampon spring

and pulled out her IUD and she passed out from the pain and the blood. It's like the most painful. I had to insert it wrong and I was like throwing up the pain. Do you put it in or the doctor puts it in? The doctor puts it in. I don't know. I'll tell you what.

I pulled something out of this girl. Okay. Either she left a turkey wishbone up there or... And she's a real one and she's like, fucking just throw it over there. Wow. What a woman. What a broad.

I don't know what it was. I mean, it could... Well, let's hope it was an IUD. Otherwise, what's she stashing up in there? Yeah, I mean, I guess it could have been a tampon. Is it a Lego? I would know a tampon. Did you pack your Legos in there?

Do you have, you know, you got a coin purse to keep some diamonds? I would definitively be sure. Like, I'm like, okay, that's a tampon. Right, right. But it wasn't that. It was something that I was like, what the fuck? Just throw it over there. Just fuck with me.

But when the doctor does it, do they, like, it's a procedure? Or it's just kind of like you call your dad and pick him up? Well, it's like they, like, oh, my God, Paps. Whoa, what the hell? Oh, yeah, I've seen this on TikTok. Yeah, it's just like of like You close your eyes Well it's like they like Oh my god Paps Whoa what the hell It's just Oh yeah I've seen this on TikTok Yeah it's just like a little Whatever

You've seen this on TikTok But I had them like Insert it wrong one time I'm so interested in this I can't believe this little thing Stops you from getting pregnant It is the most painful thing You're bedridden for a day

Really Well like I mean I had them Like the two times I've done it They fucked up Both times so like Oh so it just plugs The tunnel there.

It's so painful. You guys don't even know. It's so painful. Yeah, you're right. Guys, we don't even know. We don't know. I mean, the Girls Got to Eat had a doctor on their show who specializes in birth control. And the girls, Raina was like like how far away from male

birth control are we and the doctor was basically like we're already here it's just that we can't get it approved because we can't get

a test group because men won't do it because there's side effects and the side effects are like you lose your sex drive low testosterone

it fucks with your hormones it can fuck with your body temperature and all that and men are saying no. Do you know what the side effects from testing female birth control are? The same shit. They just agree to do it.

We're just like, no. We won't even try this out for you to approve it. We already have birth control. Why do I need it? We already do birth control. It's called the woman takes care. Plus, also like honestly like I mean guys we kind of fucked it up

Because We're not very trustworthy And If I told a girl We don't need to use a condom I'm on male birth control She'd be like you're a fucking liar Yeah

And you know what we really would fuck up Is you know when a girl like They set the alarm on their phone Cause like if I take it one minute late We're gonna get pregnant I'd be like oh it's been like four days. Speaking of that, the fucking very cool move. I mean,

it sucks, but it's funny. I think when we passed out, I think the busing guy set our alarms. Because Jackie sent a text to me and Pat being like, why is my alarm going off at 7am? And I was like, mine's going off too. Because I also passed out. They went into your phone and set it for you?

I don't know how they would have unlocked my phone. Because Siri, you just put it to your face. But I don't have Siri. Just put it up to your drunk face, no? But I think your eyes need to be open. Really? My eyes open? Your eyes need to be open.

You can just set an alarm without logging into somebody's phone. Siri, set my alarm for 7 a.m. Just like this. Boom. Didn't have to unlock. Oh, set my alarm for 7 a.m. Just like this. Boom. Didn't have to unlock. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I didn't know that. I don't know if I have that.

Whatever. But the point is, I think they fucking did it. I think it worked for my ass close. They were pushing. Oh, yeah, that's a cool move. Yeah. It's a real fucking dickhead move. Look at your fucking dick pics.

It's a funny move. Going through your phone. I would have set your alarm and taken a picture of. Yeah. It's a real fucking dickhead movie. Look at your fucking dick pics. It's a funny movie. Going through your phone. I would have set your alarm and taken a picture of my dick. It's like, someone's been here. Look at this guy, fucking just dead to the world, face down. Oh, Jackie!

What is on your head? It was a prosciutto wrapped in a mushroom. Prosciutto, he said. That's hilarious. Jackie, you went hard too. You're just like John You say it all the time What? I just can't hang I guess No that's what I mean

Like for a girl And like your size Remember that when Jackie was talking about how small she is Like she's a freak hobbit She's like 5'6 or whatever No I didn't say No I just said Yeah

But yeah the The You guys understand If I don't get this IUD, I'm going to get pregnant. Brought the fucking house down. Okay, after this, I'm going to call my guy now. But no, for real. Okay. A couple more things from the news world. Armie Hammer.

I said it on One Minute Man. Ordinarily, I would have told you, accused cannibal and basically like sexual abuser. Pretty much rock bottom for the titles you can have and the reputation you can have. Sure. He went up to it. What is it? He went a little further than rock bottom. He is a timeshare salesman in the Cayman Islands.

Why is that? That sounds dope. Why is that? Being the guy who sells you timeshares. I mean. Timeshares are like the biggest fucking scam. Huge scam. Like loser.

I'm fake rich. But. Hood rich. I think that plays. I got a condo in the Caymans. No, you don Like, loser. I'm fake rich. Like, hood rich. I think that plays the game. Like, I got a condo in the Caymans. Like, no, you don't, dude. And he said. You got a Marriott wharf fucking key. That's what I need.

For fucking six days a year, bro. Army Hammer's that guy. They said his line was like, it's, he goes, it's $2,100 a week, which means it's $21 thousand dollars for like 10 vacations a year yeah being that guy in sunny when the gang buys a timeshare yeah and he's like he's like he's like so he does like you know in 1970s it cost blank for a vacation and now like so if you extrapolate whatever that is yeah it's like it stands to reason in 10 years it might cost thirty five thousand dollars to go on vacation and they're like that does make sense it works

it makes sense I actually that actually is one of my favorite episodes because that's where Frank's stuck in the fucking the playground

the whole time in Sunway it's never explained he's just in his underwear the corkscrew in the playground never explained the only

the only running Frank gag I love better than that is the episode where his nose is bleeding. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it just keeps getting worse. By the end, he's got like surgical tape. His whole face is like swollen. Have you ever seen the behind the scenes of that episode where he's stuck in the playground? No. They had to change his underwear.

For him? Like, yeah. Why? Did he shit himself or something? No, no. It was a matter of like they wanted a different look so Charlie was the one

that had to change it bro I will tell you this much if I'm some sort of director or something I don't care what my vision is if it involves me looking down the barrel of Danny DeVito's gooch

I'm not fucking doing it what other underwear was he wearing? he only ever wears whitey tighties or it might have been like he had shorts on they were like

alright we gotta switch him out and he had like his own like boxers on yeah Frank wears whitey tighties. Or it might have been like he had shorts on. They were like, all right, we got to switch them out. And he had his own boxers on. Frank wears whitey tighties. Frank always wears whitey tighties. Remember when Elio fucked up saying tighty whiteys and called it his tight white panties? No. He was doing a video. I think he had a thing going on where he was making his gambling videos at night when he just hangs out in his underwear.

And he said something like he was just like, Frank, I think he had Frankie he shouted out Frankie in it, he was like, we're gonna win this I'm just, I can't, I'm on vacation and I'm a 4-0 and I'm the last 4 and I'm wearing my tight, my whitey my tight, my tight white panties so good

but yeah, I picture Armie Hammer, I picture him like there's pictures of him, I'll show you, you can picture himie Hammer I picture him like There's pictures of him, I'll show you, you can picture him There's pictures of him like walking into this little fucking Sales building and he's sitting across the desk From you, pitching you on Scams By the by, I've been saying by the way a thousand times

This episode, he Not only was a Hollywood actor He had like Oil tycoon family money. Yeah. And they cut him out because he's a fucking cannibal. Oh, really? So he fumbled the bag.

Like, forget about his career. Yeah, he got to eat a few chicks along the way, though. What? Got to eat a few chicks along the way, though. Did, in fact, get to try human flesh. I did eat that ass, literally. Maybe fucking worth it. I mean, he is.

He's like, dude, I got no regrets. I lost a billion dollars in a career and I sell Cayman. He's like, dude, have you ever eaten fucking cream? Have you ever had a fucking hot chick's thigh? He's like, literally the best fucking meals I've ever had. You know he didn't just stop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.

Why are you using the Cayman Islands now, dude? Well, he already lived there because he was being a cannibal. But like he, I think his family lives there and shit too. Because he had a lot of money.

The number one fucking sign that there's a problem is if your husband makes you move to the Caymans. It's strictly illegal activity going on there. 100% illegal. So yeah,

Armie Hammer now, the timeshare salesman, 100% illegal. So yeah, Army Hammer. Now, the timeshare salesman, you fucking dick. For some reason, I'm picturing him as Max Greenfield in The Big Short. I don't really remember that. It's Max Greenfield and the other guy. I forget. He's a famous actor, too. But like,

they're just like very sleazy. The orange tan. The other other dude i forget i forget he's he has a great line he's like he's like dude last year i was a bartender now i have a boat can you pull up uh is it easy to find that video we posted about a couple weeks ago with the bar still finance guys who were like it was almost like a fucking do you guys know what i'm talking about if not yeah i think so dude like search for stool finance or whatever it is because these guys, it was like

Boiler Room 2022. They're popping bottles of champagne being, maybe it's not school finance. But yeah, there is something endearing about,

like, these guys being such dickheads, but they, you know, it works for them. Yeah. They're fucking like,

yeah, man, now I got a boat. That's fine it's a while back they were like popping champagne it was really like boiler room where they're cutting the ties and shit like that just being dumb meatheads who are now like way too wealthy that's what's funny is when we like when the when the stock market was booming and shit for the first time it's like we gave the worst people in society all the money was it like all the bros on the roof?

Yes. Okay, I'll find that and we'll put that in. One of my favorite lines in the big short is when Steve Carell's talking to a stripper. And she's like, are you saying I'm going to lose my mortgage? And he's like, you own a house?

I own seven. It's all about how she put no money down and all that shit. He's like, what? You're about to lose everything. It was a crazy time, man. The getting was certainly good. Speaking of money, the homeboy who was going to be the captain of the Ryder Cup said,

Peace, I'm going to live. And I love it. I love the chaos. Really? Henrik Stetson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Dude, there it is.

Got his captaincy stripped right away. And I watched him. The Ryder Cup's not one of those. I guess it wouldn't be US golf because it's international I just love watching PGA Tour like golf die hard fans just

I mean like there's no there's like no argument like it's working the guys that you idolize are like, I don't fucking care. I'm gone. You know what I mean? Dude, they're giving me $100 million. And really what they're doing is...

Cam Smith's going to go today, right? I'm sure. Within the first day and now first week and first month, they were able to get this, this, this, this, this. Over the course of years, they're going to just keep getting more. It would be like if the XFL just, like, worked somehow. Yeah.

If, like, maybe not, like, the Patriots, but if, like, the Steelers and, you know, like, and the Giants went to, like, the XFL or something. And there's just no denying. And it's like, I know that you guys idolize. I'm putting aside the Saudi Arabian shit. That will always exist if you have problems with 9-11 and funding. And that's certainly valid if you do. I want to say that I do, in fact, have problems with 9-11.

If you're one of those anti-9-11 pussies. I want to be on the record. It's not enough to just not be pro-9-11. I'm anti-9-11, okay? But, you know, everyone always says, well, what about... That's an all-time line. If you've got a problem with 911, then yeah. That's your business. That's up to you.

I certainly will allow that. But, you know, everyone says, well, what about Nike and China? I remember making this argument when the stuff happened with Robert Kraft at like... He had a handjob. Yeah, but if at, like, because it's like, you get a handjob. And they're like, yeah, but if you

trace that back, it's sick. You trace anything back to its source, it sources money, so its source is going to be evil. There is going to be, whatever it is you're tracing back, it starts with bad. We get to dilute it a little bit, hopefully

before it gets to us. Right. But at its birth, at its inception, it was bad, dude. And that's, like, separate to me. If that's your issue with Liv, then that's fine. Tiger spoke about it, and they were like, Tiger eviscerates the Liv tour with damning, you know, whatever. And he was like, they only play 54 holes that's not enough and then they play music I don't really want to hear

the music and you know they don't have majors it was like that's that was it I thought he was gonna like pick them apart if the game play is like your your argument like who fucking cares they play music at it?

I think yeah I think it's more like the waste management where it's a little more, I would assume, and he legit was like, I don't want music. If that's your issue, that's crazy because they just came in and offered you don't have to play certain things if you don't want to. It's only 54 holes.

Little tweaks here and there. Why is it 54 versus 72? It's three days instead of four yeah and i think the reason why i think they probably like polled golfers yeah who said like this shit's too long and and maybe it's not the golfers maybe it's the tv but either way i'm sure they did their like research to figure out or they just need to differentiate and said how about we make it three days instead of four and then you you got to be good from the jump and you you know there's other other things come with it being

shorter than longer do they like if that's your saturday friday saturday sunday because i like that i don't know i mean i guess they probably don't do it on sundays because you don't want to be competing against the pga tour it would like i would want it but yeah so there's like i do think there's something there that i i like a sunday agreed sunday golf is like but but maybe they're like, that's what we're going to do is we're going to turn golf into a Saturday sport. You want to like Saturday night golf or some shit. Like, I don't know. But the watching the tour, the tour heads just be like, no, it's like, yeah, it turns

out that being captain of the Ryder Cup isn't as cool as you guys think it is. You know, it's cool. Like generational wealth. Like someone said to me, you're not a golf fan and you're, I'm as you guys think it is. You know what's cool? Like generational wealth. Being able to, you know. Like someone said to me, you're not a golf fan. I'm not. I'm very casual, if even that. But you know what I know more about is life.

And it's like being, they said, somebody said something like, captain of the Ryder Cup is the most prestigious position in all of sports. I was like, bro, I would say like 90% of the world doesn't know what the Ryder Cup is. Like if you ask like non-sports fans and parents and old people and people in Africa and China and shit, like the Ryder Cup? Oh, yeah, that thing? Okay. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I think saying it's the most prestigious position in all sports is insane. It was one of. But even that, I'm like, would you rather – let's do it ATI style. So this is basically like would you rather have like six figures or nine figures of money or be captain of the Ryder Cup? I don't even know what nine figures is. It would be hundreds of millions. Yeah, nine figures.

That'll do it. Take that one. Would you rather do tens of millions? Probably. Would you rather do ones of millions? Yeah, we'd rather do definitively. What's your lowest number where you'd rather be captain of the Ryder Cup? Well, so I mean it's kind of a hard question because like i'm not good at golf i've never been a golfer um but you have to take that into account that it's

like yeah maybe for uh the top guys right if you're asking me like would it be a captain of a stanley cup team that's i'm more into that i mean again this is also weird because these are just all positions you do get paid millions of dollars for. Yeah, we're talking about. But, you know, in golf, it's like there's some guys, a lot of guys who don't. And they're like, I'm grinding out here on the tour and I can go make a couple million with Liv. You know, I do hate the name so much. Yeah, it is a bad one.

But, you know, Brooks and Bryson were like the talk for a while. And they just yoinked both those guys for some events. Phil was one of the biggest names. Now you have a Ryder Cup captain. You have guys who, you know, denounced it and then a week later went over. Like, it's working, DJ. And people are just like, oh. Somebody said to me, it was just a handful of the top names

and then 15 of the top 100. It's not that crazy. It was like the stars and then 15% of the best players in one day? It's pretty fucking bad. And then they're going after Charles Barkley. Charles Barkley said, I would kill. He said, I would murder my family member for a $200 million contract from Liv. And they called him the next week.

And he was like, he's on a podcast being like, I absolutely am going to take that call and negotiate. If you continue to get some of the main golfers. He's going to be an announcer? An announcer, yeah. And maybe for Liv, you can also play around. Because we have fun and we do crazy shit. Like, if they get the best broadcasters. But there also is a balance.

I agree. There's a balance. For sure. This isn't a fucking mockery. It's not the Savannah Bananas. No. It's a fun day, but you don you want to watch that baseball every fucking day. I agree.

But I do think that there's just the diehard. I think it's like foreplay on steroids a little bit. When foreplay came in and we're like, we're not like these fucking hoity-toity traditional old school, you know, stubborn guys. We like to just like chill and lives like taking a little further. But I just love watching the like the people who are a fan of the tour weird me out. Yeah. Like you like –

I think PMT does that with like – I'm rooting for the course. The league. Yeah, the Shield. Like, you know. I'm rooting for the course. What does that fucking mean? Yeah. Hey, I think you guys are the biggest fucking losers alive.

And I think the golfers would tell you that. They're like, yeah, man. Like it doesn't really – I can still play golf on similar golf courses. I think that is a funny thing that we learn talking to athletes. Athletes are like – I mean, there's obviously a wide berth of what they are like. The balance of it. But a lot of them are just like, yeah, dude, I just happen to be really fucking good at this. Yeah, right. This isn't my life.

I don't have any reverence for it. I'm not obsessed with it. Which also makes sense. You are obsessed with it to an extent, but you're like, I am just really good at this. What they're obsessed with is competition and beating people and winning.

What golf fans are obsessed with, because they can't do it, is like, oh my God, imagine reaching the green on a par five with your driver. Like, amazing. And Rory's just like, this is fucking what I do.

So it makes sense, but also it's like, Liv's going to keep on working to an extent. Also what bothers me is when the PGA Tour just found $200 million to give out to people. When they first, they announced that there's like eight new events with a $20 million purse. Oh, really? So it's like, oh, we just happen to have

this little war chest of $160 million that we've been putting in our pockets, and now we have to put it in yours because someone, you know. So, you know, I think that, like, Liv is actually, like, evening the playing field. Is Liv going to do, like, an all-star game? I'm sure, yeah. Because that would be sick.

I'm sure they can do all that cool shit. I'd love to see, like, guys actually, like, their pinpoint accuracy. Like, put bottles up there. Have it sponsored by... They should do a long drive and then things like that. I follow a couple guys on Instagram. That guy, I think he's Kyle Herbstreet

or something like that with the long hair. Do a trick competition. When you see the people on TikTok doing where they have the guy throwing them a bunch of drives in a row and he's just smoking them. How many can you get in a row? Just stupid stuff smoking them. Like how many can you get a row? Just make stupid stuff like that.

Make golf fun for the first time. Not even again. Two last things quick. Elon Musk's dad can't impregnate your stepdaughter. He can't do it. You got it again, right? Twice. Two times.

Same daughter? Same stepdaughter. Two babies. One in 2018, one in 2019. Fool me once. Impregnate me once,dad shame on you impregnate me twice stepdad also shame on me but shame on you too and whatever that porn hubs got blood on their hands for real for real gerald musk is his name. That shit is, he got a little bit too much Pornhub in his fucking system. The, what was I going to say?

Like, I know this doesn't matter. Maybe it does. How old was she when they, like, when he became her stepfather? Three. Oh, fuck me. Yeah, three years old. I believe he had had I don't know I mean she is very pretty

so you know I believe they said so he married this woman named Heidi and she brought a baby in who was three I think he had a quote that said like I wouldn't even know her

if I walked down the street today and I don't know if he meant the three year old or the woman he just got pregnant because either it's like you fucked her wouldn't even know her if I walked down the street today. And I don't know if he meant the mom. The three-year-old or the woman he just got pregnant with? Because you fucked her when she was 18, or in 2018 you had a kid with her, in 2019, so you knew what she looked like then. So I don't know if he meant his ex-wife.

Like, I've been so separated from them, I wouldn't even know who they were. But then they found out, like, you did it twice, dude. So, whatever his is, you know. Yeah, so only thing. Yeah. So that's his thing is he is.

And I know Elon talks about the birth rate all the time. He says the single greatest threat to humanity is that we have a falling birth rate. So his father is one of these guys, too. Why is that true? We have way too many people. I agree. I thought that was a problem. Like, we're going to run out of resources, Thanos style.

Now, apparently, Elon's like, no, no, no, we're not getting enough people. Yeah. So that's Janna. That's's Jana. That's the girl. That's the daughter. Only 947 likes on an IG post? Yikes. Wait, wait, wait. Go back. Go back down to that picture. Go down.

That was when? That was this July 4th? 2021? I don't know when, like, how much you you know um like maybe she came in when she was three and then they lived they they were married for two years they broke up when she was five you know 20 years later she's on it was weird though he said it wasn't a mistake it was that um he said things got out of hand or something like that things went too far because she was living on my property at the time and was fighting with her boyfriend so like you knew her enough that

she had a fucking home on your property came to like the mansion the main house or whatever and was like oh my boyfriend's being mean to me and you were like pal let me leave it in you imagine you accidentally got your stepdaughter pregnant we like you just picked up their chick in the bar now that would be crazy. That's some shit where you're like, you know. By the way, I'm pregnant and also you're my father. Son of a bitch, not again! But his

he was like, he goes it's not incest because I broke up with their mom. I'm no longer their stepdad. And it's like, well yeah but you raised her, dude. It's like, technically yeah, there's no blood. And marriage is like a social construct. This is just a legal thing?

Yeah, because, well, it's Woody Allen. This is straight up exactly what Woody Allen did. And he's been fucking shunned from society. But like, not really. People are like, he's a piece of shit, but he still makes movies and stuff. And I guess this just came out, so now everyone's going to be like are like, he's a piece of shit, but he still makes movies. True. And I guess this just came out, so now everyone's gonna be like, yeah,

she's, you know, he's a piece of shit. Oh, Elon and E-Roll are not close. Yeah, you better distance yourself, bro.

But this is what happens to, Elon's trying to buy Twitter, and he's trying to shake things up. Next thing you know, this story becomes, you know, full blown. Like,

I don't know how they were hiding this in the first place, but it becomes, you know, they dig up the dirt. It's like seeing fucking Dave,, but it becomes, you know, they dig up the dirt. It's like seeing a fucking Dave, except he didn't, you know, impregnate his stepdaughter. But it's like, hey, we'll just find all your shit, whether it's your shit, your dad's shit. What's the queen, the princess, Meghan Markle, find out about her dad.

You know what I mean? That's just what they do. They just drag it until they find all the weird shit about you. Like, your dad fucks stepdaughters. Fucking weird. But yeah, Pornhub. What do you have to say for yourself? I was going to say, speaking of incest,

fucking Ricky Martin, too. Oh, fuck! That's how I got into One Minute Man on that. Ricky Martin. Although, I'm going to stand up a little bit for my man Ricky Martin. Allegedly. We'll see how this shakes out.

He's facing 50 years in prison for abuse and straight- up incest a charge of incest he was apparently in a relationship with his nephew like straight up brother's kid but how old is the kid 21 yeah but the kid is alleging that he abused them i think seven month relationship it said yeah and i think when he came out and said like he said this is very sad like he has mental health issues something like that it was being like i didn't beat him but not being like i wasn't in a relationship well i i'm not first of all my mic working because i yeah yeah um i thought he said like this is all untrue it all is and that

this guy is like unfortunately very unwell which then really sucks like if it turns out that this dude is just fucking crazy and the first headline that everyone ran with was Ricky Martin's getting charged with incest, but also if there is, like, did the police charge him? Because then usually there's enough evidence to at least go forward with this. I don't think so. I think it said, like,

Ricky Martin can potentially go to jail for 50 years because that's the law in Puerto Rico. It's like, I almost feel like it just sucks. Anybody can say that. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, you have a crazy, well, I almost feel like, like it just sucks. Anybody can say that. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like you have a crazy, well,

I guess not anybody, just your family members. Anybody with a crazy family member and they can just be like, I, yep. Like my uncle fucked me. And then with,

if that's just the first headline, you're done. Yeah. You know, he is, he is living la vida loca. Got him. All right. Voicemails

Before One last thing Before voicemails We gotta I gotta ask you about About your nose About my nose I'm gonna ask you about that nose

But first Snack break Get me some fups Pass em over This is what we like to call Intermission For KFC Radio We're gonna do Fups intermissions Every time I'm about to This is what we like to call intermission for KFC radio. We're going to do fups intermissions every time.

I'm about to eat some tasty tubes. I got grocery store cheddar, kid. Can I have that? Actually, I'm not ready for dessert yet. Oh, I'll do sour cream and onion because what they have is all these different flavors. Fups are basically like cheese puffs, but instead of just the cheese, we have all these different flavors. So this one's instant hot chocolate. There's another one that tastes like cinnamon toast. I'm going to put that to the side for my dessert. Instead of just the cheese, we have all these different flavors. So this one's instant hot chocolate. There's another one that tastes like cinnamon toast.

I'm going to put that to the side for my dessert. What I'm going to have right now is my semi-historic sour cream and onion. You've got the... The grocery store cheddar. Cheddar. Oh, I don't think I've had cheddar yet. So that's kind of like the OG, right? Yeah. Oh, I mean, that is a very high quality cheese puff

sour cream and onion you know the drill there's sea salt and vinegar that salt and vinegar like hits hard like I can only have a couple of those that one's my favorite one you can eat like a whole bag of them

I've I've munched on them for quite some time that gets like my tongue is a little like and then I have little dessert fups

when I get the chocolate going and the cinnamon going. The cinnamon flames too. To be clear, these are just straight up snacks. This is not, you know, healthy made, lose weight on a diet, no carb, no this, no that. No, no, no. We're just selling you some bomb ass puffs, which I love. Someone was like, bro, we're getting the puffs game.

Went to his brother, his business, his family, whatever. Was like, got an idea. What is it? It's like puffs. But we're going to call it fups. We're going to spell it backwards. But it's not going to be puffs backwards. It's going to be spuff backwards. Fups. Fucking brilliant. Let's go.

So right now you can go to fups.com. That's F F U P S. I will spell that one out for you. Double F U P S.com slash KFC. Then use code KFC 15 to get 15% off your order. You can do a one bun, a one flavor and just get a bunch of bags of that. Or you can do the,

try them all bundle with all five different flavors. Funny, funny big bags. Funny little guy. He's a funny guy. Yeah, he's a funny guy. He's funny because he's got a little smiley face. Funny. All the different flavors.

Just a classic snack. There you go. Go get them. Fops.com slash KFC. Promo code KFC15. So the Mean Girls posted a video. I pissed all over myself. No surprise there.

Let's see it. How bad is it? That's so bad. That's so much pee. Show her. That's so much pee, dude. Turn and show her fully. Yeah, don't be shy.

Oh my god. So much piss. Are you wearing underwear? Yeah. How does that happen? I don't know, man. I don't know. So how soaked are your underwear? Show me your boxers How does that happen? I don't know, man. I don't know.

So how soaked are your underwear? Show me your boxers. Those have got to be a puddle, dude. I don't know. That might not be piss, dude. Oh, that's piss. Let me think. You don't have to show the camera.

No, I'm not. They're not really. The boxers are. I guess I must have just missed it putting it in. Yeah, that's weird. Wait, so I was always under the impression that you guys, like... Yeah, yeah. ...toilet paper.

Oh, no. I thought you guys, like... To be clear, Jackie kind of did this thing with her hand, and I thought she was doing the shake-off. No. You thought up until right now? Until you... No, no, no.

Until you guys, like, started, like, peeing your pants, like, fights always, like... But basically, it's until you started the show. Until I started the show... You thought that we would rip off a little paper towel and dab? You like dab like. Well, you know what? I make fun of you because we don't, but like we should.

We should. Like that always weirds me out too. Have you ever had sex with someone and you're like, hang on. I like, I gotta go to the bathroom first. But dude, here's the deal. And then it's like you just peed. There's pee like in that tube. And then like you're going to suck my dick and stuff.

Like how. No wonder we get fucking not UTIs and shit I don't know if that's really true but here's the deal if I

if I fucking if I go to dab I'm just gonna piss on my hands so now no yeah well I mean

just get like I'll get enough this is why I don't need to wash my hands because I have a fucking wall of paper towel before anybody anything touches my body. You know what I mean?

Like, just get a big bundle and dab. Do you do that? No, but I'm saying that makes sense. But when people are like, don't you get shit on your hands when you wash your ass? I'm like, no. What are you guys, going there with one square? I go in with a whole fucking bundle. Like, nothing's touching my hands at all, you weirdos.

But it would. It's very similar to when hands at all, you weirdos. But it would... It's very similar to when people are like, we should use wet wipes. It's a much better way to clean up. You would think you can shake something off, but like... Who's got the time, dude? Who's got the time?

Who's got the time? Who has the time? You're telling me you want me to go in there? First lift the seat, and then also wipe? I'm not wiping my dick for a pee. I'm not doing a wipe for a p um but that being said i also would not piss my pants as much as you do because it's it's getting crazy it's a lot it's getting worse and worse and worse um so the mean girls

put out a new podcast and there was a clip out uh with jordan saying and we're gonna have the Mean Girls on because we've referenced a few of their clips and it's time to actually have them on and debate them and make fun of them and stuff. That she heard that guys with big noses are better at giving head, going down on girls. And not one of those things like, you know, if he has big feet, he has a big dick. It's like straight up like if he has a big nose, it's rubbing your clit. And so I defer to my well-endowed nose, my friend with a little bit of extra nose. He's got plenty of nose.

Is this true? 100%. You use your nose in sex? My nose gets deep in you, kid. You're in there like... Bro, I broke my nose on purpose so I could have this little bumpy dudes with their beads in their dicks.

I'm like a fucking bull in Seville, Spain. I come out like... That's what I'm saying. It's like a dog trying to be like, yeah. I'm a rhinoceros in the Serengeti. Here, I'm coming up. For real, though?

No, for real. You really use your nose? Yes, absolutely. I use every tool at my disposal. Wait, wait, wait. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Here's what I don't get. Here's what I don't get about when we're talking about guys.

Bro, I have said this before i've said it that i eat pussy like a dog coming home from a july walk and guess what drinking a bowl of water and and fucking that involves that involves the nose that's what i don't get though you're talking nose on clit talking nose all over so i would understand if you took your nose and you rubbed it on the clit but that then means you're licking the hole which is weird sometimes doing that sometimes burying a tongue in a puss you're see but okay i understand that too i understand eating ass straight up i also can understand like pushing your tongue in as they like to say, tongue punch, right? What I don't get is eating the hole while you rub your nose. Because the hole is not meant to be eaten.

Bro, I don't know anything I'm doing down the days. I'm just making a mess. I'm just fucking mucking it up. You just said, like, you're eating the hole. I'm like, I don't know if I've ever done that. It is true. It is true. I have always gotten very good grades in that department.

And genuine ones that I don't think people feed me bullshit. But I do not have a tactic or a routine. Remember in American Pie, it's got the book. You spell the alphabet. You do the tongue tornado. I mean, I guess I do this thing where I make my tongue flat, and I use my chin as the wall to push it, you know, so I'm really pushing down. And I guess with my hands, I would have a little more routine.

There's a couple things I do here and there that are just, like, go-tos for me. But when the breathing starts getting heavier and the squirming starts, it just – I am a Tasmanian devil. My game plan is exactly the game plan every time I'm on a dance floor. I don't know. Just fucking let it rip. Just fucking make a scene, baby.

I am a car wash. Hands in here, pushing on that, grabbing that, flipping this. Just getting some attention, making some noise. Yeah. And it works though. Like,

I think if you go in there, like, okay, like, I'm going to go vertical, vertical, vertical, then I'm going to go sideways,

sideways, then up, up, down. But do you think people do that? I do think girls give head, like, suck dicks a little more,

like, scripted, if you will I don't know that one's that's a fucking Jackie do you just get in there

and let it rip or do you have like a set thing that you do that is not a set thing it's not like I'm saying like you go like A and then B

and then C but is it like I just kind of freestyle you do freestyle yeah it is let the moment hit you right

it is like I mean like that's it's just this one thing there's a lot of there's a lot of moving parts you're talking about sucking dick or yeah it goes out yeah i kind of think i think chicks is one thing i think you just kind of hammer that clit you can do other stuff like big nose is not one thing a couple of things what did we call it earlier that let me do it for effect

or do it for the show or whatever yeah for like there's i'm nibbling on this i'm pulling on that i'm fucking but when it's time it's just massage yeah like around around i do it with two fingers kind of on either side of the you know i'm like playing we do have something but when but when it's like all right you gotta come to like wrap this up or so we can start fucking wherever it's just like hammer time on the clip and it always works for me so guys who are like bad at that like i don't know just devour it with your fucking mouth and your nose i guess now the nose is something let's be honest your nose is big all right caught a stray there but it's not like so big that yours is a tool and mine's not. If I wanted to sit there and nuzzle your clit with my nose, I could do it too. So it's like, is it really that different?

It's just we know. You use it. I don't use it. Yours is like, I'm going to turn this into a good. I'm like, I have a big nose. Might as well. Guess what I'm doing next time. The nose knows

The nose is coming in Yeah that's That's a I don't think I've ever heard it said But I've known I'm like Yeah I'm fucking with the nose You're getting nose fucked

You're getting nose fucked for sure I mean everyone's had a nose situation With the 69ing Yep That's you know Just nose In your butt

This is different on... Dude, I was listening to Shane and McCusker. You know when you drop one of those lines like, you know, it's like blah blah blah and the room's like... He said something like, even if it's when you're jerking off and you just ask your...

He goes, even if it's when you're jerking off and you ask your wife to lick your nipples. It's just like that. And everyone kind of laughed. then shane was like wait but wait do you you really do that and he was like yeah you know like you ask them like to give you head and like they don't want to it's like okay can you like at least lick my nipples and then like you find out and they get in there and they do some things too and you realize i was like i don't know about that one. But as I'm thinking it, Shane goes like, I'll tell you what I'm doing tonight.

I'll tell you what she's doing when she comes home. I think I have no interest. Do not go near my nipples, bro. Male nipple, weird. Weird. Unnecessary. I mean, it would look weirder without them. I wish we didn't even have them.

I wish we just had Smooth That would look ridiculous But it wouldn't If it was just You know That was just how we are You look like one of those

Things from like The Chronicles of Riddick I suppose I don't remember I don't remember what those Look like But I know you That's what I think

Frankie Brella looks like Where they live Like under the Under the Yeah Recently I couldn't Think of the movie Yes

And I think you said I am legend someone Yes Yeah Yeah. And I think you said I Am Legend someone? Yes. People were tweeting the movie Caves at you, I think. Oh, maybe that could be it too. Follow Chronicles of Riddick. Because I know what you're talking about.

The creatures who have never seen light. Isn't that what Chronicles of Riddick is? I haven't seen the movie. I don't know. I can't believe we're talking about it again. It's a movie where they can't be in the light. So maybe that's what Caves is. And you think that's Frank because he's so pale?

Yeah. Also because he isn't in the light. He wears fucking pants and long-sleeved shirts every day. Right. And you think he has weird nipples too, huh? So what is this? Oh, maybe... Descendants?

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. This isn't it. Oh, Jesus. That's creepy though. Yeah, that's horrifying. It's like an orc. I don't know. It's creepy, though. Yeah, that's horrifying. It's like an orc. I don't know. It's some fucking movie.

Whatever. Yeah, don't touch my nipples, bro. Anything that you think you can do, you can do to my nipples that I might enjoy, do to my ears. But stay away from my fucking nipples. Or just do it to my dick. Okay. Finally, let's get to voicemails. We're going to go with this guy.

This is an EMT. I'm almost positive we've had him before, and I certainly recognize my man in the middle there. You know who he is, right? You don't recognize Tex? Wait, is that Tex? I don't know. I kind of think so.

But you know who the middle guy is, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Voicemails today are brought to you by SimpliSafe. We have three people here that are, two are I think are return voicemails, and one might be a disgraced former employee.

So we got ourselves a batch right here. And it's brought to you by SimpliSafe. The best way to protect your home from invasions and Mother Nature and anything else that can ruin your house is SimpliSafe. Think about all the toys. Oh my god, Keegan got so many fucking

toys for his goddamn birthday. I was like, is this fucking Christmas, man? And I don't blame him. He didn't even want to play at goddamn birthday. I was like, is this fucking Christmas, man? He didn't even want to, and I don't blame him, he didn't even want to play at the party because he was like, can I go with my presents? I was like, fuck, yeah, I would want to do that too, man. But now I probably have $50,000 worth of goddamn toys in my house. Where is your house, by the way? Oh, well, you know, their house.

It's all one big shared investment. SimpliSafe is the way to protect all those belongings, all the loved ones. And even if it's, sure, of course, burglars and all that. But if you have a flood, if there's a fire, any of that stuff, SimpliSafe is on call and ready to protect with the most comprehensive protection against all of it. Right now, you can go to simplysafe.com. This one I'll spell out, S-I-M-P-L-I, safe.com, slash KFC Radio. You get 20% off with the interactive monitoring, plus a free indoor security camera, because they have everything to protect the house.

They also have everything to protect outside and watch, the lawn. That's where all the creepers start creeping in. That's where they creep in. Those little burglars. That's what they always do in a commercial. Got the hat on and all black. They got a flashlight in their mouth and they walk like this.

Why are you robbing that way, dude? You ever heard the story of the burglar who to rob l cool j no he beat the fuck out of him really and he said he walked downstairs and he was in like his boxers he was sleeping so he's like fighting this guy like damn near naked and he i mean oh cool j is not to be fucked with you know and he said he like had him on the ground like subdued but was kind like, I don't know if he has other people here or whatever. And he was like, I had to make a decision in that moment what I was going to do with this guy, if I wanted to do it or not. Really?

Yeah, I was like, whoa. Because he didn't have SimpliSafe. If he had that, it wouldn't have been an issue. Like I said, they got all the indoor cameras, the monitors, the sensors, 24-7, whether it's police, fire, or flood, poison control, all that stuff. SimpliSafe.com slash KFC Radio for 20% off. First VM from our guy, the EMT. What's up, boys? So I just wanted to start off by saying that Chicago show was funny as fuck.

I honestly don't know if I've ever laughed that fucking hard in my life. Didn't make it to the meet and greet, which blows, but I got to meet Jackie and Pabst at the show, which is cool. By the way, Jackie, sup? Anyway, I got a little bit of an am I the asshole for you. So my grandfather recently passed away, got cremated or whatever. My family was trying to make a ceremony thing, spread his ashes kind of deal. So they were like, hey, meet us at this river he used to fish at. And, you know, this time this day, I'm like, okay, cool. So we're just going to go tell a few stories, spread his ashes, whatever. So I show up there and preface the story.

My grandfather was Danish. Didn't think that would be incorporated into his funeral ceremony deal at all, but whatever. Show up and everyone's just kind of standing around the river. I'm like, all right, let's fucking get this going. Then they pull out this Viking ship that they made out of wood. I'm like, what in the fuck is going on now? Then they pull out his ashes and proceed to pour his ashes into the viking ship and by this point i'm like i'm so fucking confused i don't know what's going on well then it gets even worse they pull a bottle of lighter fluid out and soak

the fucking viking ship in lighter fluid fluid and fucking light it on fire and set sail into the fucking river. So his ashes are just on fire floating down the river. And me and my cousin, we just start busting out fucking laughing. Come on. Who doesn't know about a traditional Viking funeral? Yeah, that's sick as hell.

I'll tell you what the problem is. They didn't do the flaming arrow. They just lit it on the shore and kicked it out. If you're going to do this, you at least got to have the fucking arrow. I'll tell you what. I want this. I want a traditional Viking funeral. And what I want, because

none of us are going to be expert archers, I want it almost like a pinata. Like you get to shoot one and if I miss, then you get to shoot one and whoever hits it wins it, you know? That is pretty cool. I like that idea. Whoever hits it gets put in the will.

Yeah, sure, sure. Yeah, like, I'm going to give away this chunk of my wealth to whoever hits it. How fun would that be? I want that. I want that. And maybe archery is a bit much, but you can throw things, whoever has the best arm or whatever. That would be really sick

and then and then it's gonna get pretty real and it's gonna go pretty like i want it to be far enough you can't start shooting until it's like xyz feet away but then like what if it's like getting away you know and you're like and it could be i'll put at the bottom like donate it to charity if you guys don't hit it like you don't fucking hit it sorry Sorry, man. That is one of your better ideas. That's so cool. Maybe we'll tweak it so we don't have to talk about Valhalla and have some Viking horns. It can just be like, I'm a dude who wants to be set on fire.

So I'm not stepping on any appropriating or whatever. But yeah, funeral pyre for the win, for the money. This guy, have you ever seen a movie? Have you never seen any Vikings movie? He was stunned. The second there was a boat out, I was like, Vikings movie.

So my grandpa died and we were going to the water and Vikings movie. We know. Sorry, pal. That's standard. Okay, so by the way, how crazy. You mentioned Danish. So this is Danes Part 2. If you missed last week, he just said, how crazy would it be if the Danes beat England?

And we were like, in soccer? In soccer? Like, what? Okay, so he's back. Let's see. Hey, KFC Radio. I was the guy who left the Dane vs. English the other day. I was very drunk. Didn't remember until

I heard it on the podcast the other day. But I got a would you rather today. So, would you rather lose orgasms all together or gain a hundred pounds?

I think that's a great question. That's so simple, but a really great question. By the way, to just be like, KFC Radio on Tuesday, let me pop on, and you're just like, what? Is that fucking mean? You're getting text.

Imagine even better than that. You don't pop on KFC Radio. Your friends do. All of a sudden, you start getting texts. Bro, what kind of question was that on KFC Radio about the Danes? The Danish? It just means he was Shit faced

Thinking about the Danes And the Scots Even weirder Yeah So great Like he wasn't high And like oh I had this class It was just like

I'm shit faced I love this guy Yeah he's awesome Okay but this is A great question No orgasms Or a hundred pounds So you're talking 320?

I would weigh about 320, yeah. I lost a couple pounds recently, so I'm talking 290. I think I would give orgasms pretty easily. Bro, an orgasm is the most useless thing on the planet. You say that, but you know how we get when your mind gets backed up. When the poison... When you don't get the poison out. I don't know that I do that. I don't like...

I know that you do. Everybody does, bro. It does get better as you get older. You're not... Well, I don't even know if that's true. I'm still, you know... I'm still gonna get the poison i'm still pretty fucking dumb bad decisions but like but here's the deal most of my orgasms are masturbation i would say mostly everybody's yeah a vast majority of them yeah we'll call it

probably 90 i was gonna say i'll just say 35 25 but yeah no it's definitely 90% when I'm in a when I'm in a relationship I actually think my orgasms are probably like the other way like 90-10 sex really yeah

cause now it's like I'm old enough that it's like sometimes I legit I gotta save this I'm like if I'm gonna see you know

this person tomorrow I gotta make sure that I'm hard I can't touch it for the next 18 hours I'm not even going to piss. No one's coming out of this dick until it's coming to you, okay? But, yeah, when you're not in a relationship, you know,

especially if you're just, like, going out there. Like, if you don't even have, like, a hookup, like a steady thing, you know, you're just hoping to get laid once, you know, a month maybe. To this day, I don't understand how people get laid like that. But the... Yeah, like steady. Or you go to a bar and you meet a person.

What the fuck are you talking about? It's all the apps, dude. That's the thing. So I think people are having steady sex these days just because of the apps because it's like,

it's going to happen. But then like, so I'm giving up 90% of fucking me alone in my bed and then awkwardly hobbling over to underwear because I forgot to bring it in bed with me to clean up. I can do without that in my life, if I'm being honest.

So what you're asking me is I either gain 100 pounds or I get cum all over my fucking belly a few times a week and have to waddle over. Yeah. Let me ask you a question. What happens to your cum when it gets in water? It's all protein-based liquids. It thickens up. That's why you've got to use cold water

to get it off. That was weird. I've honestly told you that before and you had the same exact reaction. I learned about it when I was always making egg whites in the morning. Yeah, yeah. It coagulates, kind of, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. told me that before and you had the same exact reaction. I learned about it when I was always making egg whites in the morning. It coagulates, kind of, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cold water. I'll do a trip for you. That's funny. It's one of those opposite things. I would have thought that, well, you would have remembered it when I told you that, but apparently not. I don't remember. I actually do remember the cold thing. I don't remember you being like, it's protein-based liquid. I don't remember you delivering it that way. Yeah, because I heard a story about a guy who didn't everyone have shower sex because he said his cum like gets weird and i was like all all come dude but it sounds like his cums got a little weirder than most cums but what do you

call it purple that's like how bad could it be i don't have sex in the shower for all the other reasons i don't care about my cum afterwards. It's getting to the cum. I don't think that's ever going to happen. Water makes you dry. Yeah. Which is... If you need any example of how crazy sex is and how fucked up it makes you and how complicated it makes things, water makes you dry.

When you're having sex, water makes you dry. Up is down. Down is up. You're doing wheelbarrows. Water makes you wet. Water makes you dry. It's having sex water makes you dry up is down down is up you're doing wheelbarrows water makes you wet water makes you dry it's just nuts man um i think at the end of the day no i don't know what i want to do like i could still fuck i just don't want to be fat yeah but i think no you gotta just be fat dude I don't know. I think I would be perfectly fine not cumming ever again. I think you're wrong. I think it would really...

I'd like to still have sex. I think it would really pile... No, you can't. Orgasms, man. That's fine. But I could still fuck you. Oh, you just mean you'd edge yourself? I think that makes it even worse.

I think I'd probably have a lot of fun. Just doing fucking sex, no cum? Yeah, buddy. You can do that right now. No, I can't. But you could. You could just stop after a little bit. Yeah, I've done that before.

Yeah, but like, you don't do it. I think that your brain, I think things would go bad for you if you did not cum ever again. Would it go bad enough that it's worse than being 320 pounds that i don't know 320 is not crazy it's pretty big but it's not like give me like can you find an example of someone's 320 who's not like shaquille o'neal like someone like type in someone who's uh type in like six foot 320 that's i'd almost rather be like 200 because that's like you get to like the comically yeah be like I want to be hilariously fat and make that my thing. That's 300 pounds?

That's after he lost it. I would say probably that one down on the bottom is probably what I would look like. That says 6'5". Oh, he's 6'5"? 6'6". I need like give me – type in 5'10". I know you're not 5'10", but give me 5'10", 300 pounds, and see, like, what an average,

because you've got to remember average people, like football players and basketball players carry around 300 pounds. Like, it's no problem. 5'10", you're going to end up looking like... This is big, but it's not like... That's not that bad, actually. I'm turning my... That one, wait, wait.

That guy in the middle. Nope. Go back. The guy down underneath the... Eh, fuck it. I can't describe it. But he had... He was really...

Yeah, that guy. It depends on if you have the belly or the... That's 310? Or 300? That's 365 to 249. These are just Google results that are not what we Googled. I mean,

some of these... Google Preston Lacey. How fat is he? Let's use him as a rank. He's got to be 400, right? At least. 264. Get the fuck out of here. I think he lost weight. Get the fuck out of here. In your bra. That's what he is now.

I think he lost weight. So, God, it's just so, like, just give me the fucking weight. You know what I mean? It's like, these are all saying 200-something. So, I mean, I think 290 for me. Anywhere between, like, 290. It could be, like, from anywhere from 280 to, like, 310 for the next, you know. Because I'm thinking also, like, long in life, you know what I mean?

As I would get fatter, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like if I'm like 190 now, but I'm destined to be like, you know, 210 when I'm fat, well, I'm also going to be 310, you know. Because maybe 290 is okay, but 3 plus is like seeing 3 on the scale. Also, by the way, dude, if I weigh 300 pounds, I'm not counting that much anymore. Now, that is the thing, too. But so then, yeah, so then I guess that's the...

But you are. Fat guys get pussy, man. They do. Jack, who's the fattest person you would fuck? I actually had this conversation with girls yesterday. What did they say? They both said that they had fucked like a fat guy. Yeah! Because he was funny or rich or what?

No, they didn't. I don't know. They said they fucked a fat guy. I don't know. They didn't get to do anything. Well, I think he was there. Yeah, he was just there and I needed some dick. Yeah, I think that fat guys can still get it. I guess I'll take the fat. I'm going no orgas can still get it. So I guess I take the fat.

100 pounds more. I'm going no orgasms. Fuck it. What are you guys doing? Fettus. You could almost add 100 to you. Would you be 260? I'm 190. You are 190?

Yeah. Wow. I would have thought you were like 175. I'm 190. So you're the same thing as me, but you're also fucking, your 290 would look very different than my 290. You think so? Why?

Because I'm like skinny fat. You're like toned. Not toned, but like you're just still like in shape. 290, I think that would be. You know that 190 at six foot is obese? I know. It's bullshit. That's insane.

That's bullshit. The body mass index thing is such bullshit. Jackie, what about you for girls? As far as I'm obese. Girls being 100 pounds heavier is just not an option. And also you guys don't come anyway. We already don't. Yeah, that's just.

Never mind. Never mind. How many girls do you think really don't come? Like you guys truly are out here just never getting off. All of the ones that are with me. I mean, like it's just like so much harder. You're getting off, right? But you are.

It is happening, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you're all fucking yeah. I think you're all fucking lying. I guess you're all just coming and just like hiding it like no I didn't come.

I think like also like the older you get but like. What? The older you get what? The older you get like the more you average.

You come more. More yeah yeah yeah. Okay last last voicemail. I was hoping it was going to be a follow up to the Danish like he told us why. We like know why you were thinking that. Alright last voicemail. I was hoping it was going to be a follow-up to the Danish. He told us why.

We know why you were thinking that. All right, last voicemail today is brought to you by Dave.com. Dave, I don't know why it's called Dave. Let's find out. It's the banking app that will instantly give you $500. They call it extra cash. You ask them for $500? How many friends in your life think it would give you $500 right now?

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You're broke. Here's 500 bucks. You're not broke anymore. That is one of my favorite Louis CK bits where he talks about the bank calling him to yell at him for not having enough money. He's like, I don't know. I want more. I want more money. I'm not doing this on purpose. How about

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Sign up for the extra cash account and get 500 bucks instantly. For terms and conditions, go to Dave.com slash legal. Instant transfer fees apply. Banking provided by Evolve, a member of FDIC. Last one. I feel like our former co-owner. Yo, what's up, everybody? No shout outs.

Got to save time. Let's go. What's something you can tell people about yourself that they just fundamentally don't understand? Mine's that I live in a floating home. What? Like,

just on the water. That's sick. That was a flex voicemail. I respect that. Is that really a float? That's just like on a dock. Yeah.

But before he, like, before he turned and came around to his floating home, I was going to say, I pee my pants quite often. I didn't realize we were going to get to brag to you. Right.

You're Mr. Cool. Something that people do not fundamentally understand about me. I mean, I think people are surprised when I'm not like a maniacally ranting asshole yeah I said this off camera I think maybe in the vlog that girl called me Lady Gaga I was at a children's

kids party and I was talking to one of the moms and she like halfway through the conversation was like I gotta be honest I do watch your videos I know about it and she said like I'm always so surprised when I see you at these things because our kids are friends. So we see each other often at parties and whatever, graduations and all that shit. And she was like, I'm always so surprised because I watch your videos and I see all that. And then I see you with the kids, like, being involved and you're playing and you're being a good dad.

And she's like, it's just weird. And I was like, yeah, it's kind of like, you know, wear two hats, like little like separate lives sort of things. She's like, you're like Lady Gaga. You just like turn it on for the performance. I was kind of like, I guess so. I am Lady Gaga. Yeah, sure. But you made a good point.

That's kind of the opposite. Lady Gaga is always an asshole. Yeah, right. Like I don't expect Lady Gaga to ever just be like, yo, what's up? You want to have a beer? She's always like being a performer. But I do think people are quite surprised by that. Yeah, that's definitely one.

I mean, we have... Well, people... What I don't fundamentally understand is they all automatically assume we're all short. Yeah, that is it. And they're full lord. Like, you're tall. I'm like, I don't know why you didn't know that.

I kind of know why, because sometimes we're sitting down, we're just in the box. But I don't know why you didn't know that. I kind of know why, because sometimes we're sitting down, we're just in the box. But I don't know why you thought it was an impossibility that we were a couple inches taller. It's not like we're like 6'9". Right, right. It's like, dude, I thought you were 5'10". You're 6'.

It's like, what the fuck, dude? Why is it such a big deal? Yeah, I like yours, the asshole thing. I mean, we have Amanda Hirsch on the show today. Not speaking of fat. And I feel like there were a couple of times During the show Where she was like

You do Like You have skin care Yeah You like Taylor Swift She had us tight cats For sure There was another one too

Where it was like Something like Oh she didn't know I had kids So like the parent thing Came into effect Oh yeah We fucked that up Like three separate times

What With being like No you have great skin Or your mom oh yeah we did not compliment her back enough the way she complimented us we never we never returned the favor but yeah she was very surprised by by a lot of us um what do you guys have any jackie what's something people just do not understand about you oh you're from california nobody believes it have you Have you worn a non-California shirt since you got back? Just trying to prove how Cali you are, bro. This isn't California.

This is America. It says West Coast. What the fuck does West Coast CA stand for? It says West Coast CA, and you're telling me it's not a California shirt? I didn't look at the shirt. No, I have not. Is there anything else That people like are

Wow I didn't believe Jackie Like XYZ Are people surprised By this job now Or are they like Yeah that makes sense I kind of

Like it makes sense Because I don't really Have any other talents But you know Some people are like Oh yeah he was always Like the class clown Or like he always

Liked to perform So it makes sense That she's doing this now Anything like that? Or no, they're just like, whatever. I can't think of any. Sorry. Do you guys have any? Nick?

Nothing off the top of my head. Pretty uninteresting group of people. Can't swim. That's a good one. I fundamentally do not understand. I can dance a little bit. People are shocked by that. A little surprised by that? A little bit. Not crazy.

I like that. Now you're going to have to prove that, so we'll make you uncomfortably dance at some point. Okay, let's get into that interview like we were talking about with – oh, as we talk about dad moments, two things. My dad heard the bit I did last week about him sitting in the chair for like three hours. Actually, my uncle heard it and emailed it to him like, have you heard this? And he gave me a nice thank you, and it was like a very – it was like a heartfelt moment. Really? I appreciate i appreciate it was like i think he appreciated being like

recognized for once and then uh through keegan's birthday party this weekend did not think about the work that was going into it we decided to do like a backyard party rather than renting something out so i i blew up a like a dry bouncy house and then the water slide bouncy house. And I had to get like all the ice and the coolers and the pizzas and everything. And as I was doing it, the heavens opened and poured on me for three minutes and then cleared out

and it was blazing sun. So it was like it just heated me up, like put me in a microwave. And like got me all wet and threw me in a microwave. And the whole time I'm running around trying to corral these fucking kids. Everyone's being an asshole. heated me up, put me in a microwave. Got me all wet and threw me in a microwave. And the whole time I'm running around trying to corral these fucking kids. Everyone's being an asshole.

These kids are fighting and splashing and everything. And so it was like a nightmare, but it was good. And at the very end, I'm driving home after the party's over. I'm driving to my parents' house for the rest of the day. And Keegan falls asleep in the car. And he's out. He's Fidel Berger Whistlepiggy.

Heads back in the car. And I pick him up to bring him into my mom's house and his head's on my shoulder and he's like half asleep and he was just like, Dad, I really loved my birthday party. And I was like, Oh, God!

It's like, it's all worth it. It's all worth it. It's all worth it. So, yeah. All right, anyway. Our interview with Amanda Hirsch. Not skinny, but not fat. It's all worth it. So, yeah. All right. Anyway, our interview with Amanda Hirsch, not skinny but not fat. She is an Instagram force who just does everything in her Instagram stories. That's all she needed to say during the interview was I just do stories.

I don't use any other form. So she just has a million Instagram stories, 15 seconds at a time, and she is dominating the celebrity gossip world in that fashion. So today's interview is brought to you by Cortina Health. It's kind of like a skin care internet doctor service, if you will. So we got here, this is the custom healing cream. You just got yourself a little serum. Tell us about stuff you needed in college. Oh, yeah. Like if I have I had a good

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So start Cortina today. Go to getcortina.com and use code KFC to receive your first shipment for free. That's getcortina.com. Use code KFC to get your first shipment for free. It's Amanda Hirsch on KFC Radio. Let's talk to her. I feel like I would thrive though

yeah oh you would love it because I live for that shit like aside from what I do you know what I mean like people think I just like it no no it's you do it because you like it right I would have fucking lived and breathed this shit yeah see you and I

are like diametrically opposed where I crawl into a ball and I'm like, this is so uncomfortable. Please stop talking about this. Oh my God, are you kidding me? I used to smoke cigarettes and that's what I did as a job. I was like the girl you'd go for a smoke break with. Great person to be.

And just like shoot the shit. You know why? Because everybody loves that person because they're on their break and they're smoking a cig. And then you don't work. And they associate it like with you. Yeah. You're like the fun one.

So your boss even does that. Well, that was in Israel. Everybody smoked here. People don't. Where was that? Israel? Yeah, I lived there. Oh, wow.

How long you lived there? For a big portion of my life. Shit. When you were growing up or you went there? When I was growing up and then I went back and then I spent like five years there in my 20s. Fuck. Yeah.

What was the motivation with that? Was it work? It was, no. So my mom's Israeli and then I finished college and was kind of like, oh, I can go chill. Hot guys there.

There weren't really any hot guys in my college. Are there a lot of hot guys in Israel? Where'd you go to college? Ithaca. What? I mean, yeah, there's not, I mean, it's like you're in the middle

of upstate New York. Everyone's cold, pale, and fat. No hot guys. I was in the middle of upstate New York. Everyone's cold, pale, and fat. No hot guys. I was in the middle of Kansas and didn't find a hot guy anywhere. I mean, Ithaca, all I know about Ithaca is the rivalry with SUNY Cortland for the Cortica Cup, right? Cortica. Yeah, which I know is like the big party, but it's like if that's your claim to fame that we have a rivalry with a SUNY school. Ithaca and Utica aren't rivals?

No. You just said they sound the same. No, no, really ugly people and stupidly. Shout out to Ithaca and Utica aren't rivals? No. You just said they sound the same? No, no. Really ugly people and stupidly. Shout out to Ithaca. Shout out to Ithaca. You're ugly. No, because I...

How old are you? 38. What? How old am I? Oh, my God. You fucker. 37. Your skin is so good.

Hey. You think so? Really? How old do you think I was? I had bags no no bags freckles no the freckles are fine

no you're good what were you about to say though just say it just there are a couple lines here oh the like wrinkles yeah but I don't get Botox so like I'm not I just started noticing it

more in people that choose you know what I mean maybe I don't look at mine no I haven't gotten there yet I feel like everybody does it was

oh yeah John did it as a tip it was oh yeah I got it it was it looks like he gets fillers look at that tight face you pull up your list uh yeah I can pull up wait how old is John how old do you think he is I'm gonna be annoyed and fucking wait are we recording yeah yeah let's shame everybody yeah um are you 30 i'm 33 okay okay but look at the cheeks and like like how like look at you to like are you 30 like yes, I'm over 30. And then like, look how chubby your cheeks are. Look at you, you phantom squirrel. You look like you just applied like a good serum.

I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So John famously, like he doesn't wash his hair. He doesn't wash. I don't think you wash. You wash your body. I wash my body. So he doesn't wear deodorant and somehow it doesn't stink.

He doesn't wash his hair and somehow his hair doesn't get greasy. And for the longest time, he didn't wash his face, period. And then we had an episode. Look at him. He looks the way it looks like after a facial. So he didn't wash. And then me and Whitney Cummings was the episode, right? Yeah.

We like shamed him being like, you're gross. Like your skin's probably like greasy or whatever. He never looked it. But I was just like, if you've literally never, if's probably like greasy or whatever he never looked it but I was just like if you've literally never if you never wash your face and you never even got the shampoo

from your hair like washing down your face because you never do that either you gotta be gross I would always when I washed my face in high school I would get acne

and then when I stopped washing my face but I didn't know just because it was high school and like you were getting acne but when I stopped I wouldn't like in high school

so I was like fuck it I'm just not doing it anymore so what is he doing now what's he doing now? So now, he wrote down, I mean, I think it's eight things. There's a little,

what is that? This is just a book of like my thoughts. That's so cute. Oh my God, Barstool breaking like stereotypes. Oh girl,

you are going to have your fucking socks blown. Look at this little journal. Everything, you go back and report to the world. It looks like the pages are like burned off.

Yeah, yeah. It's a nightmare in here. Every episode, he goes like burned off yeah yeah it's a nightmare every episode he goes like well i've got a couple little things for you today it's like it's like mr rogers like gather around kids i'm gonna talk about something you know probably depressing but whatever but this is so that was like probably six months ago the interview with whitney when i was shamed into starting a uh skincare skincare routine regimen whatever you want to call it and i said to the listeners,

give me something. I'll get two things, whatever you guys want. You tweeted it out, right? Someone who's an anesthetician? Yeah. She was like, do you just need a moisturizer and a protein serum? Something like that. I was like, alright, I'll get that.

And that has devolved into a 40-minute skincare routine. My boy is snowballing. My boy is snowballing. Are you kidding me? My boy is snowballing over here. He's doing serums and motions. Wait, I want to see him before, though. Was he this glowy before?

I mean, now that you say it, I guess I'm really bad at this stuff. I don't see the difference, really. Yeah, you know. Does John look better? Does his skin look better these days than it used to? Does it? Yeah. Well, I started because I have a protein booster.

Then I go to a moisturizer. Then I put on eye cream. Then I have a vitamin C bright booster. Then I have a protein booster then i go to a moisturizer then i put on eye cream then i have a vitamin c bright booster then i have a glycolic acid line smoother and occasionally i use a multi-serve multi-acid resurfacing pad john is very close but also to be clear john also gay, and he just hasn't said it yet. No, you brought me back like 10 years right now with that comment. Tell me about it. So we have a podcast. I believe it was on Brianna's podcast. You've got to lead with that before you start throwing that around.

Just put a big sticker on it. It is Pride Month, and he's in a rainbow. Well, first of all, I want what you're doing. I need that. I'll get you the link. But the reason why I think it's so in a rainbow. Well, I need, first of all, I want what you're doing. Like, I need that. Okay, I'll get you the link. But the reason why I think it's so in my head today is because I just, which, like, I feel like Kim Kardashian is going to unfollow me. That was my plug to say she follows me.

But it's because I was just, like, fucking around with the skin. Because I get a lot of skin care, right? When you're, like, in this game. I think I might have seen you say this video, but keep going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you put this on video to talk about this? Yeah. So I'm saying, like, I get a lot of skin care, right? When you're in this game. I think I might have seen you say this video, but keep going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you put this on video to talk about this? Yeah. So I'm saying I get a lot, and I'll be like, I love it, whatever.

But then I thought about it today, and I was like, I was born with good skin. As you guys didn't say when we were talking about this. Nobody said it back to me. Yeah, I don't know. I'm new to the skin game. Nobody in this whole room. I'm like, you have great skin. They're like, mm-hmm.

Okay, fine. That's fine. It's really cool. I'm new to the skin game. I don't know. I think it looks pretty. You're pretty. Can I say that?

I don't even know if I'm qualified to say that you have good skin. So I just realized how many people look at this and they're like, oh, my God. I'm going to put this on and it's going gonna boost my this or it's gonna get rid of my marks or it's gonna make me look younger and like i love it but i know that like my skin is just good so it's fun for me to put the shit on and be like oh look it made me a little dewy just now it gave me a little you know whatever but are you feeling like disingenuous? No, I'm always genuine. I just felt like it needed to be said. Like there's a lot of skin care out right now.

None of it's going to change your life. If you have acne, it's not going to get rid of it. Stop using soap. Yeah. I mean, it's like if, you know, a super hot Instagram chick who like works out 25 times a day also drinks the tea or whatever. Right. It's more the 7,000 sit-ups, not the fucking tea that I drink.

And I'm not about that. When celebs are hot, and there are the people that are going to be like, well, they have personal training, and they have nothing. And I'm like, shut up. They're just hot. You don't have to do that.

But my point is that it really makes you question things, because look at John. He's got a fat baby face. No. Do you know? No, because somebody just, I saw someone's message

that was like a dermatologist or someone told her when she was using all these products, like, look at men. They literally use

a bar of soap for their whole thing. Right, the same bar as in their ass is on their face. So like, don't make it

such a big deal. So I feel like I hear that consistently. But you can moisturize a little bit more. Probably. Like, so you think that guys typically have, I feel like I hear that a lot.

Like, what you just said, guys don't even try and they have good skin. Do they really though? Because I feel like the, you know, the females are the fairer sex and you guys are prettier and nicer and softer. But he's like,

he's like 12. Yeah, he looks 12. I think that's the other thing too is you know we have a podcast here with uh two co-hosts and the producer i think are all under 23 and they were like i don't even like need to use any skincare i don't get it i think it's all fake and you know like the girls who are like 30 in the comments are like you're 20 you don't need to do this yet you assholes right right it's's like Hailey Bieber that just came out with the thing. It's like, is it the peptides or is it you're literally, you know, three years old?

Right. I think there's truth to both things. It could be helpful, but just don't count on waking up like a supermodel. Yeah. It's also like a zillion dollars, right? I mean, Hailey's is cheaper. Kim's is more expensive. But just in general.

I'm talking about the carousel stuff. Like some of this shit could be so, so costly. Kim's is more expensive. But just in general. I'm not talking about the commercial stuff. Some of the shit can be so, so costly. That's what I'm thinking. I got sent, like, some magazine wants me to do a review of some products. So I got sent the really good shit. Like, La Mer, which is amazing, John. Write it down in the journal. Charlotte Tilbury.

Like, amazing shit that probably costs like literally a hundred dollars for like the small size and I'm like it feels so nice but I just wonder like if I was spending

the money on it would you I would expect to literally like not for it to just like feel nice on my face I want a new face I want

I want a new face I want it to look like I got Botox. You know? Anyway. Do you know Mario Badesky? Yeah.

Badesco. Yeah. Badesco. Badesco. Yeah. They're good, right? Yeah. Why do you use them?

Well, they are we have our own skincare line here at Barstool. You do? Yeah. See? Breaking down No, you don't. Yes. We'll get you someool. You do? See, breaking down motherfuckers.

We'll get you some samples. You do a review in the magazine. Put it next to the La Mer. This is our line, Barstool Wood. So this is our aftershave and moisturizer. But it's all, like, the people who make it are those guys. Oh, cool. I think they're supposed to be good, yeah.

Yeah. That was a green endorsement. I thought you were going to be like, oh, yeah, they're supposed to be good yeah yeah that was a green endorsement yeah i thought you were gonna be like oh yeah they're the best i'm sorry yeah the uh you were talking about the boy the botox earlier again as someone who's had botox no it's gone now wait you did the botox i did it what an enigma john is like i can't deal with it you know what it was it was a joke but like not really yeah yeah there was uh one of our podcasts I had like an anesthetician come in and was doing like injections and

skin care stuff and they came in and they were like do you guys want to get Botox like we're gonna film it it would be like funny and I wasn't there that day otherwise I would've

fucking done it wait you would've done it hell yeah oh really give it a shot yeah I mean it makes you very self-conscious

so like I got it like six months ago whatever it's pretty gone now. I looked like a mannequin for a while. But then it makes you so self-conscious. I need to watch this video. I didn't look someone in the eye

for four months after that. You were scared they were going to say it. No, I was just trying to see if they were. We had Mark Wahlberg in here probably a month after that. He needs some Botox, no? I was just trying to figure it out. There's a slideshow of, like, there's gonna be the progression of it. I love these iPhone slideshows,

by the way. These are, like, the first days. Yeah, they tell you to take a selfie, like, every day as it sets in. I'm watching a lot of videos. Yeah, me too. This is a little longer than I like. See, already, look how much that got better than the first one. Wait, I want to see the end.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Turns out when you inject your face with poison, it fucking works. Wait, there's one that stayed up here. Wait, we're not there yet. We're going to smooth that one out by the end. It's going to happen. No, I'm dying.

Look at that. You got one more. That's on top of your head at this point, though. Yeah, we still got ten seconds. Wait! Oh, my God! God, I'm gonna die! Wait, was this whole thing posted?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You could be, you know, they really do ads with, like, Botox. Like, the Botox. Like, the pharmaceutical Botox. Yeah, it's called, like in Botox, like the, the Botox, the pharmaceutical Botox. Yeah. It's called like Botox.

Lord Botox. Botox. I don't know that. Wow. Okay. Yeah. I get, I get Botox in my armpits. To not sweat.

Yeah, I did. I used to. And then I got like a, I did another thing called mirror dry, which just. Why did you sweat a lot? Yeah. Like you would be sweating right now. Yeah. Really? Well, I, this was like, I did it a called mirror dry, which just, why did you sweat a lot? Like you'll be sweating right now. Yeah. Really?

Well, I, this was like, I did it a long time ago. So like I run hot in general, but even if I'm like cool, my armpits would still be bad. And then,

and smell or just be wet? No, just wet. I just hated the, like my shirt. You know what I mean? Cause then it's like, Oh,

then you have an undershirt. Just wet sounds worse somehow. Nah, just be wet. Smell great. Just soap. Just shopping. Smell great, just soaked. Just sopping. Telling you,

you gotta go back and report to the world all these fucking stereotypes are false. It's also our show a little bit, but in general, all the guys.

Your show is like less bro-y than other shows? It's somehow both. It's less and more. We're like, we'll also be like dickhead bros,

but we're also like a little bit gay and very feminine. So like, yeah, we'll also be like dickhead bros, but we're also like a little bit gay. Very feminine. So like, yeah, we can vouch. Like we have a podcast here called Out and About.

It's literally like our gay podcast and it's the second gayest podcast on the show. Because this is the first? Yeah. I'm dying. We have a running contest to see who is. I'm dying. I love it. Those two made out on stage,

that might be tough to top. The two hoes? Kiss, but like we don't like kiss. I'll give you a peck. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. kiss. kiss. take this as far as you want man you're also both a little ginge I mean he's ginge

but you're like a little I've got I'm getting gray here so I get like black I get dark red and gray I kind of wish I could just go silver fox like overnight or like I think salt and pepper is cool and then I think silver fox is real cool I don't have a problem like I don't

I don't want to go bald but I don't care about grays yeah grays don't bother me yeah. I don't want to go bald, but I don't care about greys. Yeah. Greys don't bother me. Yeah. It's about just having hair on your head. Yeah, I agree. But yeah, there's a little bit of ginger. What did you say yesterday?

We're day walkers? I said I'm like Prince Harry. It's like ginger, but not the gross kind. Yeah. Poor gingers, man. They were just normal people. I think they've had a come up, though. I think in the 90s, early 2000s, people were really mean to redheaded people.

Really? Did you feel it? There was a South... No, because I... He's a new... Is that why you are the way you are? When you were ugly, did they make fun of you? No.

The guy in my high school, the ginge guy, was the hottest guy. Yeah. I think they did have a period of mystery. It was South Park. South Park kind of fucked them for a while. Because they had a whole episode about. South Park made a gingers don't have souls joke. They don't have souls.

And everyone made fun of it for a long time. And then that internet, the viral video, the kid reacting to it, right? Oh, yeah. When he's crying. He's like a pale white ginger crying, being like, I do have a soul. And that kind of went viral. Yeah, it was a pretty tough run. It was a really tough two decades for people

with red hair just because they people always wonder about like the hair down there and that's just like so immature you know right no it's gray like everyone could you imagine that i don't think anything you know we were older if you were like a fourth grader with red hair, and then the internet decides that like you're ugly. Like, no wonder these kids are fucked up. The internet, the world collectively has just decided you're ugly. And you go home to your mom and your dad and your mom.

No, you're beautiful. It's like, well, everyone on the internet says I don't have a soul and I'm gross. And now people are like painting on freckles. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what happens in the world. There's that filter now that puts them on too.

Fuck you guys. I know. I've been here from the beginning. That's what I, I don't really care about wrinkles as much either, which I guess I probably should, but I just don't like like splotchy,

I don't want to have that Irish like splotchy Michael Rapaport face. I want to have like a normal face. Oh my God. Wait, do you guys not like Michael Rapaport here? I fucking hate Michael Rapaport. Wait, does he hate you? Yeah, yeah. It's a. Wait, do you guys not like Michael Rappaport here? I fucking hate Michael Rappaport. Wait, does he hate you?

Yeah. It's a mutual thing, yeah. He hates you specifically? Yeah, but everybody does. The court of law has been involved in this hate. Stop. I think, no, it's over. We won it, right?

Yes, it's over. Yeah, he used to work here for a minute and was just a total asshole and then he tried to sue us for defamation when it was just like, no man, you're just ugly and gross and you suck. And then we had all these depositions. It went to fucking trial, I guess.

I don't even know how to say it. Do you know what's so funny? His dad lives above me in my building. And at first I was super scared of him. Well, sorry, below me. So I was scared of him because I was like, I don't want to make a noise and piss him off. And he lives in the same apartment that Michael grew

up in his whole life. And... What's the address of that? No. And I see Michael in the neighborhood. Upper west side? Upper east side. East side. And I see Michael in the neighborhood all the time, like at the Starbucks or whatever, but never goes to his dad. And I really want to know the two.

His dad has good taste in people. I feel like there is some like son and father drama. My son sucks. Yeah. I mean, no. I don't know. Son and father drama is the weirdest kind of drama, I think. I think like daddy issues and mommy issues get the most run

because of Oedipus Complex and, I don't know, girls with daddy issues. But I think father-son, you have to have like. I think it's so weird because, like, I mean, when me and my dad were like, I guess the only thing we would say about me and my dad is that we're just like almost like too chill. Like we're not, we don't have like these big discussions. But that's also why I think it's so hard to, I could never imagine like clashing with him. Yeah. Like if I had like beef with my dad, like, I don't know.

What do you call him every day um i talked i talked to my mom every day but kind of like you know so by default it's like hey dad you know on the phone but no i mean that's what i mean i guess but like that's what i do with my best friends that's what i do i almost treat them like that and so that would probably be like the worst problem i have i can't imagine being at odds with him it's like even if we did i don't't know, disagree about something, it would be like whatever. Yeah, like he maybe wouldn't be vocal about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's crazy to me. But that's why I think when people do have problems with him, it's like. You're just trying to make a point that Michael Robb Ford is like crazy. Get busted on that one. What a psychotic move to knock it wrong with your dad. What kind of weirdo? What kind of weirdo? I see a lot of guys here.

I've never heard of an issue like that i've saw father issues like what dude that's crazy gotta be a total bag of shit for that people being like no we did a show in boston could you imagine having that with with your dad no i can't i can't like so i think i think you have to be like the worst dad in the world Could you imagine having that with your dad? No, I can't. Never. I can't. So I think you have to be like the worst dad in the world to have problems with your kids. Yeah. You're like, what is this fucking, he thinks he's the man of the house? And I was like, no, I think I'm a three-year-old you brought in. Why are we fighting about this?

I didn't ask to be here, dude. We have a couple guys here who are like my dad was a Giants fan so I specifically root for the Cowboys to piss them off I'm like that's fucking weird I don't know what was going on when you were like eight

you want to bond with them yeah something from the jump was like I want to defy you to make this relationship worse maybe the kids are the problem have you guys seen

This Is Us the what oh This Is Us I have not no you have Kevin I watched the first few first few seasons This Is Us with Manny Moore no you have kevin i watched the first few uh first few seasons

this is us with mandy moore right yeah yeah yeah i watched the first few seasons and then kind of fell off because i was like i don't want to weep at my television weekly like there were times where i was just like that was great but i'm like i finished it last night. With the fire and the dying. I know, but it just gets more. Like, I finished it yesterday, and I was sobbing. And because we're talking about families, and, like, on the show, you know, they talk about everything. And the dad is, like, one of those movie dads. Yes. You know, the, like, son when you grow up.

And it's just, like, not probably the way it is. I don't think so. But I struggle with that. We were talking about it in a different interview yesterday. I don't know. I have a six-year-old and a four-year-old, so that's still pretty early. What is happening here?

You do? Yeah. Oh, my God. What did you think we were? Like fucking, like legit Neanderthals? Like I'm going to go talk to the missing link for the human race? Yes.

You want meat to have a fucking game i i'm well isn't it nice though yeah well i guess i came in with no preconceived notions at all no i'm just saying that's amazing yeah are you a good dad yeah yeah i'm divorced so there's you know i try as best as i can with that. How old is six and what? Four. Six and a half and almost five. He's in July. He'll be five. Boys?

One boy, one girl. The girl is older? Oh, that's good. Yeah. That's good when the girl is older. But kind of getting to the point where they can really understand what's happening and trying to teach them things. But I also think it's, do you really sit your kid down like like, now son, I'm going to teach you a life lesson. Oh, I might bring them in tomorrow, by the way, if you're around.

Oh, yeah, come here. Well, I gotta go buy a bunch of gay clothes first. Maybe we'll take them. I don't know. We'll teach them our grade on Sunday. So, Zach's gonna dress me up for it. We have a whole float. Barstool float, right? It's ours or we're on it? It's like the Barstool float? That's cool. Do we pay for that or how does that work? Whole thing, yeah? It's ours or we're on it? It's like the Barstool float? That's cool.

Do we pay for that or how does that work? That's cool though. Once I get them back, I'll come hang out with them. Once you're fucking blacked out and your asshole's open for poppers. I would leave you. But the you have to film your Birds and the Bees talk, at least silently, because I would love to see how you handle that.

I don't know. Well, that's the thing on the show yesterday. The father, Jack, he was teaching the kids to shave, and they were literally seven. And I was like, why is he teaching them to shave? Well, my dad did it too young too. Not the shaving. Oh, really? Maybe it's a thing.

He did the birds and the bees. Yeah, and it just evolved into a fight. Because it was not a fight because I was still too young to fight with my dad. So it was just him yelling at me because I was lying to him. But I wasn't lying to him. How old were you? I forget, but we were going to my aunt's birthday party or something like that. And he was like, so, maybe time for a talk.

You're getting older now. I'm sure people have brought naked pictures of girls into school. And I was just sitting there like, nah, they haven't. John's a little bit of a late bloomer. He's like, you're not going to lie to me. I was like, I'm not lying. I've not seen a naked woman in my entire life. He's like, don't lie to me, John.

I was like, I've never seen fucking girls. I know it. Dude, I'm John. I was like, I've never seen... You fuck girls. I know it. I was like, dude, I'm sick. You like pussy, I swear. My dad was way late. And I remember I got in trouble for like drinking or something like that. And so my dad, like, we kind of had a pseudo talk about that. Like, you got to be safe.

Wait, you were drinking? Oh, my God. What do you mean? Like, he thought he was a late bloomer. You gotta be safe. Wait, you were drinking? Oh my god. What do you mean? A guy, I didn't. He thought he was a late bloomer. I wasn't, no, no, I wasn't drinking for like 10 years after I got the talk. When did you start drinking? I started drinking like probably 15, 16.

That's what I did, but that's how late my talk was. Oh, oh, oh. That's what I'm saying. I see, I see, I see, okay. Where'd you guys grow up? I grew up in Westchester, New York. Oh, where in Westchester? I was born in the Bronx, and then we lived in Pel in Westchester? I was born in the Bronx, and then we lived in Pelham.

Oh. Back in the Bronx. I was born in the Bronx, too. Well, Riverdale. And Triggerdale. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I love doing that because it's like, I'm from the Bronx, and they're like, where? Like, they feel like I'm J-Lo vibes until I break the news.

I'm from City Island, which is, I don't know if you know it. No, Pelham is. Well, Pelham's Westchester, but I was born. City Island is in the Bronx, but it's kind of like the Bronx, like we call it the Big Bronx. Well, because I was going to say,

like, we were doing drugs in the city at 15, 14. So we were, we were drinking. I was not, I was in the suburbs. Yeah,

you were like, yeah, I heard, heard about the city. I feel like birds and, like, I am just too real, like I would never say birds and bees.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't even get that, I would wait until the kid, like, has heard the word sex. So you fucking kid or what? You dicking down or what? You go raw? Well, listen, my son, I feel like he's going to know things. You have one?

Yeah. Now it's your turn to be shocked. No, I knew that. What the hell? I'm sorry. What the hell? See, I don't know how to interact with women. That's my problem. I didn't know if I was turn to be shocked. No, I knew that. What the hell? Sorry, I already knew that. What the hell? I don't know how to interact with women. That's my problem.

I didn't know if I was allowed to be... Oh my God, you have a kid? You look so young and hot. I was very surprised. I didn't know if I could be surprised. Okay, yeah, be surprised. Well, I actually do get a little offended when people are like,

you have a kid? Oh, sorry. But not from a looks point of view. Sometimes I'd be... Oh, no. Because I'm an asshole on the internet. You know what I mean? I don't think you have a kid. Oh, sorry. But like, not from like a looks point of view. Sometimes I'd be, because I'm an asshole on the internet and shit. You know what I mean? I don't think you're an asshole.

Oh, sorry. That's my Zoloft. You are on the right show, sister. Let me tell you what, you fit in right on this show. Third chair coming up. But anyway, so you were part.

Oh, my kid. what i'm saying is like he's literally watches like you know the housewives with me like he's not gonna be like burns and be like you're talking about sex tapes no i'm talking about it all like he like i just feel like it's nice yeah i i kind of had those thoughts when did we watch dirty dancing never seen it i saw ryan gosselin do it with emma stone though wait john this is the next video john watches dirty dancing what is happening wait is he just here to call things gay because he's gay and that's his role he needs a gay dude so he can say that's okay he's technically our social media guy but that really is what it is. That's literally what it is. That is really it. It is.

Honestly, it doesn't usually happen this often. It's all that's happened today. We're like, judge, ruling, yeah, okay,

up and down. It's my weekend. What do you want? Right, right. You're feeling the feels. Oh, are you drunk right now?

No. Oh. I will be in like, wow. Wait, so, I'm about like, yeah,

I couldn't imagine saying like birds and bees. Do you know what, Kevin brought it up. Do you know what it, are you sure? Do you know what it means? Like what? I don't even know which is the bird. Like they pollinate? I guess so.

So the birds are more than that? I thought the bees just pollinate the flowers. Why? Where do birds come in? Oh, birds eat. They pick it up. Yeah. The bees pick it up.

And they pick it up the bees pick it up the bees land on the flowers to suckle the fucking honey or whatever the shit is and the pollen sticks to them and then they fly to another flower well I don't know where the birds come in well the birds definitely drink something oh the birds fuck the bees that's what it should be

shouldn't it just be like it's basically when we call you the birds and the bees, it's promoting bestiality, I think. Yeah, it's promoting cross-gender type... Yeah, cross-species type stuff. Okay, relying... Because there's Google.

Relying on the imagery of bees pollinating and eggs hatching. So it's just separate. Oh, it's separate. It's just two examples. That doesn't make any sense. No. Two examples. This is why... Also very bad examples. Like,'t make any sense. Two examples.

Also very bad examples. I don't even know how birds fuck. How do the eggs get... Do they have parts? I've never seen them. You've seen a bird dick? You have not seen birds. I don't want to know. You Google your shit, I'll Google mine.

No judging. I think we did a whole animal episode once. We did. But I don't think we did bird dicks, though. Because, like, you think about it. How many, like, what does a snake dick look like? What is a fish? How do fish work?

No, they don't have it. It's like a hole. They'll have, like, holes. Well, one of them has a hole. Well, you gotta have. Yeah. See, you know what I like is that we're all having the birds and the bees talk right now. Yeah.

As adults, we're finally having it. Bird penis. We all had a box. I'm Googling bird penis. Yeah, definitely. Well, that's cute.'re finally having it. We all had a boss. I'm Googling bird penis. Yeah, definitely. Well, that's cute. I told you it fucking unfurled like that.

Oh, I'm just doing it here, not there. Oh, I thought you were waiting for the bird dick to pop out. Oh, no. Yeah, it's quite long. It's quite long.

No, I don't want to see it. Don't tell me, don't tell me. It looks like a little, like a kind of bird. It's a corkscrew. It looks like a pasta. Okay, now I have to see, now I have to see.

It looks like pasta that's in a corkscrew. Where? Right there. That little corkscrew thingy. Now I have to see. Yeah, it's kind of like rigatoni. Yeah, right.

It's a fleshy rigatone. But how does that get? You know, it must like, since it's like that, it must screw in. They are literally screwing. Interesting. Vibrators were made out of that. Imagine that. It's just, they just spin like a top and then spin out and that's it. I think that's probably

what they do. That's like a specific type of bird. I was going to say, I bet you like ostriches have weird dicks. Yeah, look up like pigeon. Pigeon dicks?

That's a pigeon dick? Welcome to the show. This is so not on brand with like, I love it. Are we not here to talk about like pop culture? I don't understand.

Let's talk about pop culture. Although, you know what's funny? What? We had a, Wait, there's pigeon penis? No, this can't be real. No. That's a pigeon with a strap on it. Let's talk about pop culture. Although, you know what's funny? What? We had a... Wait, there's pigeon penis? No, this can't be real. No. That's a pigeon with a strap on it.

That's funny. So he put a strap on it. Pride. You're like, why is he wearing a harness? Pride. But look at how they fuck. He's just standing on top of her. I'm going to start doing it pigeon style.

Just step on you. That's like, you know, only put their foot on the head. So we had a guest on the show who will remain unnamed because we made a promise that we would not tell them what they told us after the show. But we're going to kind of go into it. We were talking about pop culture

and all this stuff. Oh my God, did someone talk shit about me? No, no, no, no, no. But you mentioned Kim earlier. I know you've interviewed Kim. I know Kim follows you. And they revealed that during the pandemic,

they were in a group text during the hardcore pandemic where they would have FaceTime calls, the group calls. And it was crazy. The celebrity list in this group text was insane. She might be on it for fuck's sake. Yeah, you might. Who knows?

Kim was in it. Ariana Grande was in it. It was crazy. And then they would just do disgusting hypotheticals like this. Like, would you rather? And I was like, Okay. And then they would just do disgusting hypotheticals like this. Like, would you rather, you know, like. And I was like, wait. Kim Kardashian. One of the questions asked to Kim Kardashian.

Yeah. Which was, it wasn't directly asked to her, but she was just in the group text. Was, if you had your dick one inch inside your mom, and your dad's dick was one inch inside you, which way do you back up? Do you back up or go forward to get out? So you either go further into your mom and your dad's dick was one inch inside you, which way do you back up? Do you back up or go forward to get out? So you either go further into your mom or your dad goes further into you.

See, that's the other half of the show. By the way, we do exclusively that. So that's where we become bro assholes. That's why he was telling it to us. Wait, so a guest of yours was on a group text with all these famous celebs. They were famous too. Yeah.

They were also a very famous person. You're doubting that we even get famous guests. I just told you we had- I see what's going on. I started with we had Wahlberg right there. Right. Ooh. Was it Wahlberg?

Yeah. No. No. It wasn't Wahlberg. You thought it was Wahlberg? No. Oh, I just said you had Wahlberg. No, no.

It was not Wahlberg. I don't remember who it was though. Can you whisper me yes you're gonna tell me after they aren't actually famous but i wouldn't think you wouldn't think i wonder though how you get on that kind of group text i think it was they all have the same agent left out i think yeah i think it is an agent thing but i also think it was something cool mike tyson's on there too no he was only on like he was just because they would have this famous group call and then someone

would bring a guest right because I was going to say that was how I think how it spreads out is that it's like I'm going to bring my guest today it's going to be

but Kim was just on it the whole time right Kim and Ariana Grande was on it the whole time well I could see Kim had a sex tape you guys

like she's dirty what do you think she's not rude I mean it was such a different time where I don't know. I actually fucked up. I think answering questions like that.

I could certainly see Khloe and them debating that. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. They chop it up. They talk about that shit all the time. Yeah. But it's funny. Well, not about the mom and the dad.

So Bruce. No, Chris. But yeah, so that's been your this this last year you've like broken into the kardashian yeah you've made it past you know the the you're in on in the inner circle now right i don't know i mean i feel like they so wait just tell the whole story yeah you just um you tell me actually did you start out, I want to do this as a job or you just started out? As what? As I don't even, what do you say you, what do you do?

Who are you? No, that's a good question. Do you have a job? No. I really would like someone to tell me like what I am because I don't like any of the words that are used to describe people. I have a full on panic attack. When you're like applying for an apartment, it's like occupation.

You're not going to like anything I say. Blogger, podcaster, influencer. Kill me. And I went on this podcast I'm just a podcast whore. I went on this podcast where I like when people have a theme to their podcast. So his is very

business-oriented. He actually wanted me to say how much I make and shit, and people come on and they break the stigma, which I like, but I'm like, hell no. Good for them. I really support them. No, it actually was funny because he's dating I was funny and I want credit for it because I feel like

he didn't laugh enough, but his fiance is a bachelorette person. She was on The Bachelor. She has like 2 million followers. And when he asked me about like – I was like when she comes on your podcast and tells everyone how much she makes, I will. Then I will, yeah. Yeah. By the way, a bunch of this – you know Stoolies Clubhouse?

Yeah. They were debating last night apparently if you make $1 million a year. Me? Yeah. Hell yeah. And then our guy Mario who runs This Day in barstool uh he was on it and they said like this this guy will know and he just popped on and said uh i don't know if you guys listen to kfc radio he does not turn himself off but i'll tell you what that shit i mean especially this world where

you don't know he wanted to break the like stigma. Like, yes, influencers make this amount. This is how much it works. But then he asked me the question, like how I describe myself. And I really hate the word influencer. I hate the word content creator. It makes me want to like, ew. You know who calls themselves a personality?

People that aren't personalities. All right, let's rank them. I don't know. I think, okay. I think, I don't, like's rank them i don't know i think okay i think i don't like i really i don't know the content creator i feel like is as gross as influencer and content creator that as gross as it both gross what about when someone is okay but i'm not only a podcast don't reduce me to just about me. Don't put me in a box. I'm also an influencer. What was like,

we started out as writing. So we were bloggers. Love that. And bloggers got you a lot of like, but what's your job? That's your hobby. Like, yeah. Oh,

you make, you make, you make money doing that. And I think podcasters kind of became that for a minute where it was like, that's just a hobby. Now I think people know that podcasters make money, but it also feels like kind of a dickhead thing. also think if you're on like when someone says youtuber or tiktoker i think that has a crazy connotation to it too yeah where it's like i'd rather just be

like i make videos on youtube than be like right so this is what i start as i start kind of stumbling over my words and i'm like I have an Instagram where I have some followers and I post things how about girl boss I don't know what to do see we're not getting anywhere well that's where some

I have an Instagram like I literally say I have an Instagram is that not disgusting what about social media no no social media creator

social media how about I was gonna start saying I'm an actor thank you guys I lie on a microphone artist you know

it kills me because you know how there are categories on Instagram yes like you could put your category public and like everyone

that puts public person isn't a public person yeah yeah like it's always just like... I do sports at WHBQ in Toledo. No, not even.

Like people that went to my... I don't know. It's just a weird thing. The one on Twitter, I'm more of a Twitter user, is always like minor league baseball players. You have like a blue check mark

and have 300 followers. Okay. Oh, here's my question. Here's my question. Are you waiting? Are you vaping? Okay. Okay. Oh, here's my question. Here's my question. Are you waiting? Are you vaping? Okay. Okay.

No, I thought he was like blowing out smoke or waiting for the question. Okay, here's the question. Here's the question. Because I have, I sometimes see like a blue check mark in my inbox or like, or starting to follow me. And I'm like, who is this person?

And then it's like 300 followers, a tennis Olympian, whatever. Which, like, amazing. And I ask myself, if I was that person, would I have applied for the blue check? Or would I be like, no. Like, I'm sure it gives you something for networking, but, like, you're not a public person. Like, do you want to have 300 followers and a blue check

mark or just i think i agree would you i still don't have a blue check mark you don't apply for one i don't know it's not just gonna happen yeah i've applied for one yeah don't lie john you've applied no i haven't i i would have one of like everyone else here i would there are like five people it's kind of lame now it's actually we've stuck without a blue check mark so long that it kind of is your thing you don't have one oh but it was well in the beginning it was like fuck all you lemmings who like want the blue check i don't care actually i guess i guess maybe we did apply back then and they wouldn't give it to us so now they don't we're like fuck you guys we don't want you know i really think that it's a thing where it kind of grosses me out

if you try desperately to get one before you should get one. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yes, definitely. Like, earn it. But we had earned it at that point. It was like, we deserved one.

They didn't give it, and we're like, fuck, you were never getting one. Right. Yeah, I think there should be like a, you know, you need a certain number of followers and a certain, like,

No, it's not even, that's the thing, it's not about followers. No, you have to have press about you. That's the thing. What is that? Like articles? TMZ written about you?

No. Yeah. Like, no. But like if a Barstool blog goes up about you, does that count? Are you putting down Barstool? Yeah. We write a lot of nonsense blogs I think it has to be a notable

we go quantity not quality I think it has to be a notable publication so that's a good way to sidestep the question what's my profession thank you let me know

internet I just be like I'm that bitch. Did you say internet fucking bitch? Internet fucking bitch. I'll tell you what. Before I started doing this, which was six years ago, when I opened up my Instagram, I super educated, did all the internships, built up my resume, was that girl, right? But every job that I had, I be like this isn't it's not like

nothing moved me i always like i told you guys why don't you just be smoking cigarettes leaving early like gossiping with people and and i was like wait people like actually care about their jobs that i never have is that normal like i always knew i should be doing something else and while i was doing weird shit i was always like dabbling like if it was an acting class if it was sending headshots thinking I could be a model like weird delusional shit right? That's not delusional at all

you have great skin I can't believe it Barron he's picking up he's learning no but I talked about this recently I really think to succeed you have to have delusions of grandeur right? and a little bit of arrogance and a little bit of main character syndrome shit. You can't just be like, who would even like me? I can never do this.

You have to have a part of you that does believe you could do something really well. There's only one person I know that has succeeded without any of that. Who? But anyway. That's cute. I just happen to see you pointing. But that's a compliment. Yeah, you don't ever think that.

You never thought that. Yeah, you ever had this happen in the middle of your podcast? See, we're legit. We got, like, fire alarms and shit. Works. How scary is this dude? I thought it was Dave Portnoy or something. Portnoy?

Portnoy? Like Hilaria Baldwin. I remember you covering her shit. Yeah. But yeah. So I always felt like I was meant to do something in this industry. I didn't know what. Do you sing or any of that?

No. So don't sing. But no, have done acting. Have done acting. Lied that I, when I went to Israel, I was telling you before, when I got there, I lied to agencies that I went to like Juilliard here. Yeah, I like that. Hell yeah.

That's class. Because they don't know. They don't know. We're going to call Juilliard here. Yeah, I like that. Hell yeah. That's class. Because they don't know. They don't know. We're going to call Juilliard. Give phone number one digit off. And did some shit there because it's like a smaller pool. And it's like I look a little different and whatever. So anyway, always, always, my point is just to give a little inspo to people who want

to do something they think they maybe can is always try you don't have to sleep in your car like actors in hollywood like i wasn't willing to do that right i was like now i still want to like work and make money but i'm always gonna like for for like god to know if there's a god for like the world to know that i'm still trying i'm like sending a this or like trying to get into an agency or like writing something and submit. I was all over the fucking place. I tried to write a book, try to this, try to that. And then Instagram in 2015, it was when all the meme pages were happening. Like Fat Jew, all that stuff.

Right, right. And I was writing minor. I've always written and I opened a meme page, basically. And just like, they were bad. Like, looking back. You know, when the memes were ugly. It was not skinny, but not fat. But it was memes.

Because stories didn't even exist then. So nobody knew it was me. It was a non. Which isn't for my ego at all. Like, this bitch is not a non. You know what I mean? Like, she was waiting to be seen. So.

So. That's true. on like she was waiting to be seen so so so then uh so then i like introduced myself and even at the beginning i remember i'd be like hi and like post pictures of myself like get unfollowed like 3 000 people no and it makes sense what an ego check no but you know what i mean i'm saying this because it's important like for people to know. You see so many TikTokers blowing up overnight. For me, it wasn't that. It was like six years. It was getting hit in the face with a lot of moments like that with not making money. I didn't start making money from it until 2020.

Oh, really? Wow. Yeah. I was still working. And what was your day job? Like weird shit. I did office managing and freelance was your day job like weird shit I did like office managing and freelance recruit

like weird always weird shit and the thing is when people would ask me then what I did I'd always be like it doesn't represent me I really felt like that

I'm bigger than a paycheck I was a bookkeeper at one time like am I a bookkeeper like no but that's what I was doing I do like the advice I feel like everyone

who's famous always gives the worst advice about how to get famous it's like I don't know I was discovered in a mall I feel like everyone who's famous always gives the worst advice about how to get famous. It's like, I don't know. I was discovered in a mall. It's like, don't have a safety net. Either be willing to become an actor or become a hobo. You die doing this.

I never. You work at Applebee's too? I guess. But even that, I guess I give credit to those people. But nowadays, I think it's like, I guess you got to pay your bills. So you need money coming in but I would rather spend my time like during the day rather than like sitting behind a bar as a bartender doing

like some Instagram shit or trying like if you're an actor or a comedian or whatever also like do a podcast or do the YouTube video or rather than just be if you have something special to say yeah that's what I'll always say but even that though I feel like you gotta just get reps in to the point that like maybe by the time you do have

something special when they do like the bet on yourself bet on yourself once you've seen all the cards yeah yeah yeah I got a pretty good idea what's gonna happen it's a lot of people who are like I'm gonna go after that dream and it's like you should not you should just I mean their cards too

do you know that there are a lot of people that did succeed that just you know that there are a lot of people that did succeed that just had so much willpower? Danny DeVito, right? That's the famous one. He went on 300 auditions before he ever got a job. I think those people exist

but I think they're exceptionally rare. A lot of people who succeed because everyone likes to say that they didn't have a shot. I think a lot of people like to succeed and then create this fantasy narrative that like they had the hardest life in the whole world blah blah blah and it's like i don't know like it didn't yeah like we all made sacrifices to work here but i was never like i'm gonna die yeah i was never like i don't have yeah no i was literally like i'm gonna always on the

side make sure that i'm putting some eggs in the basket of i want to be doing something cool that's in the entertainment industry was obsessed with build towards it uh right build towards it even if it's in the smallest ways that's what i'm saying even if it's like your day job is this but you wanna i don't know see if you, you know, on the side for some magazine. So, yeah, so it started with memes. And then when I introduced myself and kind of started to be also on stories and shit like that, I think at just one point I would always talk to, like, my sister about celebrities and, like, forward her shit to her inbox.

And then instead of doing that, I shared it and then realized that everyone is super into this stuff and it's not just me. And so it became kind of a mix. It's really just, that's what I'm saying. It's not like, that's why I can't call myself like,

because I don't create content, right? It's like, you know, when people say that, I just, I'm just like, here. You're just reacting to the world. I'm just like doing, I'm just like being.

So it's weird when people say that because it's like, what do you do? Like you write down. I'm not like here. You're just reacting to the world. I'm just like doing what I'm just like being. So it's weird when people say that because it's like, what do you do? Like you write down. I'm not, babe. I'm not. Give me an example. If you make a video reacting to something, that is a piece of content. But I'm not putting up a light and all that shit. I'm literally like.

That doesn't matter. But it does matter. It does anymore. It doesn't anymore. No, but it's not. You used to need like a fucking director and a producer and a light and a set. Now you just need this. I think the show does better.

But my point is like I'm not – like it's very organic. It's not planned. It's not – it's literally like this happened. It's off the rip. It's just not – Like I just want to – instead of telling a friend, I'm telling, you know, however many people. Right. Like in that kind of vibe.

No, but I'm talking about the influencers that are like, okay guys, first thing when I wake up is I have to create content. Yeah. Then I have to check emails. Then I have to shoot some more content. Right. And those things drive me crazy. A picture becoming called content was really the end of the line.

We have people here who do that. We're like, I'm on the road. I'm creating content. Like you posted two pictures. A picture. What are you talking about? A picture.'re like, I'm on the road. I'm creating content. You posted two pictures. A picture. I love that. What's the sentence? I need it. Say it again. A picture. A picture being

described as content. It was really the end of content creation. That was the end of the line. I'm doing content. You took a fucking picture. We do that as a family all the time. We never called it content. My mom wasn't creating content at Easter, bitch. No, I hate it. I hate it.

I'm getting vibes. I feel like in those houses, too, where it's like you have to create this many pieces of content by the end of the week. What houses? Oh, the TikTok houses? The content houses. Yeah, where it's like this many views and this many clicks by the end of the week or you are not in it or whatever.

It's like the most, the least organic thing of all time. And did you see so many artists are coming out now with, with the fact that their labels are forcing them. Fuck that shit. Isn't that so? But not, yeah,

Halsey and other people too. Yeah. Halsey was the big one. Halsey was the big one. There was someone right after her too that was pretty big too. Yeah. Fuck that noise. Yeah.

Isn't that wild? Could you imagine? I can understand if you are like an 18 year old, you're mildly talented and they're like, listen, you're going to do what we say

for this record deal or whatever and part of it is TikTok. But to go to Halsey and be like, you're not, your hook's not catchy enough. Like go back and rewrite it for TikTok. It's like,

yeah. Okay. Have you heard Closer? Thank you. Like get the fuck out of here. Or yeah. Or just tell her how many times to post it. It's like, it's her song.

She obviously wants it to do well. Like, let her be. It's a great song, too. It is? I didn't listen to it. I don't even know. I don't even know. It's on TikTok.

I haven't heard it. I don't have a TikTok. Touche. I don't have a TikTok. Really? Yeah. You should. I'm against it.

What does that mean? I'm like the old people that don't want to change their minds. Oh, okay. Respect. I get that. Yeah. I was literally about to dab it up. I have a TikTok, but I don't use it.

No, I can't. We try to like, all the shit that I do on Instagram, I just have someone repost it to TikTok. But if you're not doing, like playing by their rules and using their things, it doesn't really work. But like, I mean, we've been around for a while this is our 10th year on the podcast wow i've been doing all of it for like 15 years so like when it started we just picked twitter that was our thing and then instagram came out i was like oh yeah it was a bad bet because that was where you could be like you know hopefully like quippy and clever which is like little jokes yeah and then it was like be hot on instagram and i was like fuck and then it was like you know be i don't even know what on snapchat be weird on snapchat

and then it was like be hot and dancing on tiktok yeah it's like just let me die give me the sweet release of death right i don't have to download another fucking app yeah this like we we had josh you know josh richards he's a tiktoker so if you're not in tiktok he he does a podcast with port and way where it's kind of like a young guy and an old guy like crossing generations but he's big on TikTok and he is like a very like handsome young dude but he was like 14

yeah you're over there nodding yeah I know he was probably like 14 15 making these TikToks like no stop stop stop he is like I'm I look at those and I'm like I cringe over it TikTok's like, yo. No, stop. Stop, stop. I need to watch. And he is like,

I look at those and I'm like, I cringe over it, but it also, you know, made him a fucking millionaire like a zillion times over. Oh my God.

And he's just like these skinny guys, you know, like what a young teenage boy looks like. Wild. You know, yeah,

you have like abs because you're a malnourished weirdo going through puberty. You're sexy now? What? When I was in, you know, eighth and ninth grade, it's like, you're a malnourished weirdo going through puberty. You're sexy now? What? When I was in 8th and 9th grade, it's like, you're a gross, weird little giraffe boy. I remember fighting with kids. I wasn't chubby,

but I wasn't skinny. I'd be like, I have a six-pack. My mom would sit me down and be like, here's why they don't have a six-pack. It's just like... That's not what my mom says! Let me explain to you you know the biology behind it okay fat boy but while we're speaking to apps the uh i talked about this the other day when you weren't here i got the new app be real i don't even know this one it is wait the new one

real it's it's a it's an app where it's supposed it's supposed to be it's like the anti-social media social media where you get a push notification every day and you have two minutes to post a picture and it's just it takes a front and a back

and it's just like what you're actually doing. You don't get to curate it. You don't get to do this. You don't get to do that. And you kind of just take a picture and I kind of fuck with that.

It's kind of fun. Yeah. Wait, are you using it? Yeah, I've used it I think it's three days now. How many followers you got? Oh, but here's the thing. I think I fucked up because I don't even think it's made of fun. Wait, are you using it? Yeah, I think it's three days now. How many followers you got? Oh, but here's the thing. I think I fucked up.

I don't even think it's made for followers. I think it's supposed to be your actual friends. And I don't have any of those. I approved everybody, and now I have a bunch of people commenting on my pictures being mean. No, I need to see. So it's just a regular social media for me again. I'm dying. This one I fucked up last night.

My eyes were closed. You're such a curious little jerk. Downloading random apps. You look like me. That's the picture you posted? It was the only one shot, dude. I forgot to open my eyes. You blew it, dog.

You blew it. You're so much cuter than this picture. See, but that's what I really looked like right then. Wait, look at this, dude. I am, you're so much cuter than this picture. See, but that's what I really looked like right then. Wait, look at this dude. I am dying. Is this a joke? Is this an SNL skit? Is this app for real?

Is this a joke app? This is a joke app. Look at this guy. Why is he on a coffee machine? Is it, oh, it's his front and his back. See, I don't even know who that kid is, but I accidentally, when you approve someone to be your friend. You know that girls would never fuck this up? We'd be like, we'd be like hot in a minute.

In a second. In a second. Wait, so if you take the picture, you can't click like retry or anything? I don't think so. And it posed? There's going to be a new app in a second that'll let you hack that and take as many as you want. The first one I was cooking.

Oh, it looks like milk steak. I told you, I told you that was rotting meat. I'm literally on the phone with him the other night. He's like, as we're talking, I'm hearing rattle in the pots and pans.

I'm like, are you cooking? He's like, I just want to let you know I'm definitely about to eat some questionable meat. Wait, is this supposed to be chicken or steak?

It's pork. Couldn't tell you what meat it is. Wait, is this for the app too? Yeah. No. No. No. I don't know what to do with all this information.

You guys, this is not real. Oh, you can flip it? No, I can't. Oh my God. You guys are missing out. I mean, give it like, give it a week

and there'll be some hot chick throwing front and back. No, it all happens at once. You have one click. So it's exactly what's happening. Oh, your front camera. Oh, shit. No, no, no, no, no.

That is way too dangerous. That is way too dangerous. This is basically the old joke of when you open up your phone, the camera, and it's... Right, and you're like... That's this in app form. It's that in app form. No, no, no, thank you. And then you intentionally post it for the world to see.

Yeah. It's real, dude. Be real, bro. It would be nice for the uggos to take back some power. It kind of sucks that if you're not hot or you don't know how to edit your photos, you're left in the dust with the uglies. No followers, just being a fucking loser. I'm a regular white man, and I'm sick of it being hard for me.

It's been an uphill battle for us here, the white male. Give me a break. So I didn't realize that it was not. So I got put onto you in. Probably Hilarion, I don't know. Well, wait, what happened with that you you were talking about her i was talking about her a lot and then i had done so i think it was i know i was at a wedding in august i think of last year and um and one of the one of the girls at the wedding said like um do you know

not skinny but not fat and usually i know like most of the names and i didn't at that point and she was like you would love this and i think it was right around when that was happening. So I was like, oh, I talked about that too. But since then, I mean, you're now like BFFs with Kim and Khloé and Kourt and everybody else, huh? I don't know. To be honest, I think it's one of those things where I look at it and I'm like, if I had to plan this out and be like, how is this going to, how can I make this happen? I wouldn't be able to do it. Do you know what I'm saying?

Absolutely. Like, I don't know what. There's no blueprint for this shit. Right, right. So I don't know what the, like, literal recipe was for this to happen, but. But you did say, so was Hilaria Baldwin was like did it pop was that the first big video oh no I just thought

because that was during it was in a video I don't do that what I don't create the videos I was just talking about it that's creating a video no it's not

you're getting me confused are you hitting record and making a video that's what I do I make a video I go straight to the story what are you talking about what do you mean talking about what do I do do you put on a video. I go straight to the story. What are you talking about?

What do you mean talking about? What do I do? Do you put on a video and say like, hey, have you heard the new story about Hillary Baldwin? No. What do you do? I go right into the Instagram app. Yeah, but you hold it long enough to record, right? You're talking about literally which camera you use? Are you dumb?

I just mean that it's not edited and it's right here. It's like this. And I'll just put it up. Like this. It's you giving your opinion on video. I'm trying to tell them that I'm not a regular content creator and I just put shit up and it's organic. But that's a video you're making.

It's a video but it's straight to here. Wait, hang on. So do you think that you have to edit and touch and tweak and all that shit? Babe, I don't... You're saying it's a one-take wonder. Thank you. There you go.

Thank you. So you make it in one take. And that's very fucking cool, by the way. And I don't want to sit here and talk about how real I am. That would be not real. What I'm saying is most people... You should be real. Yeah, they'll make it a thing.

They'll cut it up. They'll edit. I don't even have like an editing app on my phone. I've never seen a Facetune, what that looks like. That's dope though. I don't have social media assistant. I don't know. I just do.

It's just me literally instead of calling my friend, telling all these people. Sure. And sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's bad. And then like how long are those videos usually? Do you see that you're not getting the point though? What do you mean how long are these videos? That's not a fucking question I can ask.

How long do you talk? You talk for 30 seconds, you talk for a minute. But do you see that you're so programmed to plan these things out? She just talks. One minute man, I just talk. I get it. On average, are your videos long or short? I just saw. I get it. But where, okay.

On average, are your videos long or short? No, I mean, it cuts you off after four. So, right? I don't know. You don't know? I've never talked enough for a four story. I keep everything's a reel for me. Everything's 60 seconds for me.

Oh, right. But I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll like record myself. Sometimes I'll do it in literally one take where it's just 60 seconds other times i'm like oh i forgot about this forgot about that and i send it someone who chops it all up so that's you don't do any of that any of that so you just talk i just talk it cuts you off after four so if i feel like i'm done oh when you're doing stories right i go to four 15 second things i don't make reels got it or like have a green screen behind me so all your shit's on stories none of it most no so most of my stuff like of you know me talking about this stuff is on stories but if it's like

you know yesterday brad pitt was on gq i posted it the day before it was like i think what we're learning here is you're this is it's actually very cool you do it this way but you could optimize the fuck out of this and probably do it like even better and bigger and more more lucrative and all that shit i kind of like the way that but yeah i like the chaotic like i do i do think that's very unique why we're very different talk to like i like doing minimal effort right if i had to start making everything make sense and be curated and have this and look pretty but i think that that there are just things that grab stupid people's attention. But I've grabbed enough attention.

Yeah, you got it right, girl. You're good. You got all the attention you need. No, no, it's not about that. Of course not. Of course it's not. I'm just saying this is what works for me. It's full time now.

Yeah, yeah. And you just do like, it's just you. It's not like you have, like, a, there's no, you're not looking to have, like, a spinoff or, like, other people. Like, you plan on just being, like, just you. Yeah. It's not like you want to have a company or, like, other people involved. Why?

Do you guys want to come on the team? Sure. That's, like, you know. No TikTok? Yeah. No TikTok and you don't have to edit anything? You can just fucking talk for it? Yeah.

Let's go. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing. I don't really have like a plan. Like, I'm mostly going with the flow and obviously try to have some big dreams in the back of my mind. How do you get your money? What do you mean?

Like if you're not, you know, a lot. Oh, no, I do a fuck ton of ads. Just like swipe ups, like separate from your videos kind of thing? Or like in the video? Like so what I'll do is like if the news breaks today about Brad Pitt, at the end of the video I'll be like, Brad Pitt looks great because he fucking. Have you never followed an influencer person? Not really.

Really? Oh my God. But so, well, I'm just saying that. Yeah, so. Yeah, I have, but most of them have like ads and shit in their content as well. Oh, no. So it's mostly just like because my stories are so many a day because most of my stuff goes up there.

So it's not like you're going to have one video and then an ad. It would be a little annoying. So for me, I have 100 stories a day. It's the worst. You see those little dots? Yeah, a lot of dots. So it'll be like three frames of

an ad. Have you ever followed a influencer before? No, I'm not understanding. You're literally asking me questions that I'm really concerned. I'm concerned that you don't know about advertising on videos. That's crazy to me. No, but you're talking about a put-together

thing. No, I'm just talking about as you're talking, you just shout somebody out. No, I'm talking about a full-throttle ad for a company that's me going, Hi, guys, I love this moisturizer. I'm talking about a full-throttle ad for a company that's me going, hi, guys, I love this moisturizer. I use it. People just click through that.

Nobody's watching that. Really? So why do brands renew? I don't know. I don't know how advertising works in general. I think it's all fucking ridiculous. I mean, yeah, I do a lot of brand deals, but I try to do the ones that I like and actually use.

Of course. How could you make it a full-time thing if you're not doing ads, babe? I know. I love the people who are like... We've tried to sign a couple people throughout the years who are like, well, I don't want any ads on the podcast. It's like, well, then get the fuck out of here. That's really...

Well, I try to keep it at a minimum. I really care about things. I i remember we started i had like three and then four and then five and now they try to put in six and i'm literally like no like i don't want people to be upset like that's annoying 45 minutes have six ads right how many do you have here 13 we do we do three hours but it's like six hours oh yeah but we also will like weave it into the conversation and shit that's kind of what i was like you know sometimes our ads are like 10 minutes because they become part of the show you know yeah um so you're rich now i'm doing okay and i live below no i really realize

no i know it's not a nice are you getting like invited to I get invited but I don't go so that's not my vibe like I'm not trying to like be seen I'll go to things

that I'm into right or that are of friends that I've made in the industry so if like you have an event now like I'll maybe come support you

maybe I guess so I'll maybe come support you so I'm not like trying to like be at fashion week or go to an

event with other influencers like that makes my like makes me I don't want that we did that one time oh my god it was

the worst it's bad remember those people just like walking around like taking pictures in front of like a fake shipwreck

well they're creating content man and they'll literally tell you and they'll literally tell you. It was for Snapchat, too. And they'll literally tell you at events like that, like, and then you could create content. Like, that's what I'm saying. Give me high.

Exactly what they would say. Like, we were kids in preschool. It was like, why don't you guys go cross-pollinate? Yeah. And I was like, why don't you don't talk like that? Oh, my. Why don't you ever fucking do that again? I was like, I don't even know what the birds and the bees are.

How fucking dare you tell me that? No, yeah. So that's not my vibe. I don't think to be honest, to remain, like, I don't even know what the birds and the bees are. How fucking dare you tell me that? No, yeah. So that's not my vibe. I would think to remain honest and talk shit and fucking gossip and all that. If you become part of the scene, you can't really. You're not one of the girls talking about the scene. It gets tricky, though. Yeah, it gets tricky.

So now you've always been very pro-Kardashian in general, right? I've always loved them, right? But now it is a little bit harder because obviously Kim does follow and she sees but I've always my thing was always to be like snarky

but not super bitchy mean like not people that are calling Khloe names and I've always literally thought I was their sister

but it's wild out of that was there one video or something where Khloe replied or Kim followed it was actually Kourtney sister so but it's wild like what is out of that was there one video or something where like no it was um or kim followed or it was actually courtney i was really into courtney for a long while and uh it was actually her that i noticed she was like watching my stories i was like oh yeah did you did you freak out about like what do i post next i know when i get to follow that like

no no no i didn't. No, wait. No, when Kim started following, I was like, I'd see her face. You know you see the face of the person that's the most famous or something on your stories?

So whenever I see her face on the bottom, I'm like, damn it, Mom. I just want to be able to be stupid if you're watching. But it's never,

it wasn't until you got that first follow. Imagine. Yeah. I mean, I can't find her. watching yeah um but it's never it wasn't like you got that first follow imagine yeah but she actually so Courtney I she was my first kind of we started actually like talking and like DMing and she was super nice and I was like in heaven and then um she didn't follow but I'm I'm very low expectations right I'm not gonna to be like, why didn't she follow? Of course she's not going to fucking follow. She follows 100 people.

So let her come and look and leave. So when Kim followed, I was like, why? Like 150. I was like, why would she do that? She doesn't need to do that. I want to tell her, you don't need to, babe. You can just come in, come out. Nobody needs to.

Like an open door policy. Yeah, like don't need to, babe. You can just come in, come out. Like, nobody needs to. Like an open door policy. Like, yeah. Like, don't commit. Don't stay around. I literally kept thinking. But she said, so she was on my podcast. And she said, she was like, I had a Finsta. I would look at you there.

Oh, wow. And she's like, and then I just wanted you on my main feed. Wow. Is her Finsta, like, just like a user, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven? Well, I don't know what a user one two three four five well i don't know what it is i guess yeah i don't know what it is but she was she told the story about like how it came about but i think it's like finsta probably has like 160 million or some shit yeah yeah but um but they've been really really i mean they both podcasts came from their team asking me wow yeah so do you think though that's a little like Kris Jenner pulling the strings

like let's get this chick to make sure she always like are you worried about it being like fake if you will or do you think there's actual genuine like I think it's genuine

because I think it's I think obviously you want to surround yourself with people that like mean well and they saw for a while they were probably like sometimes I'm like

right, right. That's what I'm thinking. That's what runs through my my mind she's been nice to us for like a year straight and like sometimes they tell me things and maybe they saw that i wasn't sharing those things that they told me and i could be trusted so all of a sudden i'm like was i in the fucking made up fake shit that's what i'm saying they did that to friends on the show, like, the first few seasons. That's so cool. Yeah. So I was like, wow, I must have passed some test. But like I said, I think it's like a formula, right? Because if people want to hate and be like, oh, you know, she's getting this because she's nice to them. No, because they have a gazillion fans in the world.

But it's probably, if I had to guess, it's probably also because there's some mix of me that they saw that was like a little fan, but like cool, could be our friend. But like it's nice. Also real. But like a mix that isn't just like a fan interviewing them. Right. So they've made me feel really. She said fuck Tristan that one time. She's good.

She's cool. She hates him. Check. But no, I still give them shit where shit is due but it is a little hard I think there's a lot of podcasts that have famous friends

yeah and they're like yeah you're not mean to that person but you like just keep it real yeah you can it happens a lot

in sports too yeah the athletes follow us it's like you sucked last night dude yeah gotta keep it you can bust their

you bust their balls it's a little different how you talk about them but there are plenty of people who don't who are like once you know, you know. But you know what it is in this

world? It's like, I've seen so many people, now I don't know what to call these people, like influencers, podcasters, people with followers, that lead with negativity towards people. And I just wonder how are you going to succeed? Right. How are you

ever going to interview one of their colleagues? Or you know, if you you going to succeed? Ever make it. Right. How are you ever going to interview one of their colleagues? Or if you're going to lead with hate and negativity, no one's going to want to. Who would do that? You don't do that. What, one minute man? I mean, I let it rip if I don't think you're. Yeah, but no.

But I don't think. That's not what I mean. What I mean is going after, you know, people that hate certain celebs or just want to find where they fucked up. I actually did. Like, early on in my career, I used to always write blogs and clown Lena Dunham. And a lot of that. Because I don't like her style.

Do you still not? I don't anymore, though. Because it was like. But people would be like. Her style of what? Writing? Just her whole style. She would have she she had a phase it was like i would say like 2012 to 2016 maybe where she was like i don't want to say a bad person but like she would like she had that book about writing about like like molesting her sister that was weird it was some

weird stuff i didn't read it it was some weird shit about like she like she was like they were young and like exploring each other, but she was like, I was like fingering my sister. No, she didn't say that for real. She said she, and she put rocks like pebbles inside of her sister.

And it was like done in this way of like two girls who like didn't know what we were doing. But what I didn't like was that she was like, I can't believe this reaction. You're like coming at me. It's like, girl, if you talk about putting rocks inside your girl, you're supposed to be able to talk about it.

You know what I mean? And like, there was one time she sat next to a football player odell beckham and he didn't he like introduced himself and was like hi like nice to meet you and then like didn't suck her dick and she was like he like blew me off and like didn't even like know who i was or like and it was like he doesn't know who you are girl yeah so like stuff like that where i thought i also don't think she's a great dog owner there's a couple things i don't know what happened to her dog she actually did she's a great dog owner. There's a couple things. I don't know. What happened to her dog?

She actually did. She gave it back, which maybe is being a good dog owner. Was it Lammy? I forget. I've given a dog back. I gave it back after like a week in college. Sometimes you gotta know. She had a dog for like two years.

Yeah. She had a dog for like a while. So, but my point being. I would never guess that you guys have a thing with Lena Dunham. We don't. It was because we were so small at the time. It was just like throwing rocks, and she never even replied or anything. That's fun, though. I kind of miss thatham. We don't. It was because we were so small at the time. It was just like throwing rocks and she never even replied or anything.

That's fun though. I kind of miss that time. I love being an online troll. I can say whatever. What I really, I genuinely don't like because at my heart, I'm like,

I think I'm a nice person and when it didn't get to those people, it was like, she's never going to see this. Then when I'm like, we were big enough that it was like, that's going to come across their desk. And they're going to be like, what the fuck? Then you just have to think about it.

I don't think you can't say shit. I think the way I operate now is like, there's a quick filter of, you need to be aware that if you're going to say this about J-Lo, accept it. She might see it. There's a world in which her publicist, assistant, somebody, they're on their phones. I know that. So many people think these celebs aren't publicist assistant somebody they're on their phones i know that so many people think like these celebs aren't on their phones they're on their phones they see everything it's not their social media person so so you just have to be own it enough to say if they come across this and i think that actually made me nicer sure inherently because i used to be like why that girl get all that botox like her her face is so fucked up. And it's like,

now it's not only me not wanting to get caught. It's more like, Oh shit, she can see it. Yeah. And it's also like, when I talk shit about someone, don't at them.

People clip your podcast and send it to them. I'm like, that was one minute buried in the third hour of our podcast. And now you said to directly do that. Like, fuck you guys. Wait, this is three hours. It's usually like an hour and a half. Well, you said to directly do that. Like, fuck you guys. Wait, this is three hours?

It's usually like an hour and a half. Well, we've done, what, almost like an hour, and then we kind of do our own segment, and then we take calls. Wow, people listen for a three hour. I don't think they do. They drop off at some point. It's very debatable, yeah.

It's like there's certainly not three hours of retention. Yeah. But also, I'm like, I got to get these takes off. No, but real trolls, like, I got, I gotta get these takes off. No, but real trolls, like they at, they at you. So Kanye fans started coming at me, which was scary.

Even though literally, you know what they came at me for? For saying that him and Cheney broke up and they apparently, I don't even know who Cheney is. Cheney's. She's his girlfriend. Okay.

Oh, you know how they're like, the media is calling her like Kim lookalike. Oh, I didn't know how the media is calling her Kim Lookalike? Oh, I didn't know they were still together. Yeah. So, well, TMZ reported that they broke up

and I literally just shared that. Okay, I might have said... I might have said... That bitch is gone! No, no. She got a yay tattoo. That's tough.

So, no, but I just made a joke like... Not even a joke. I was like, because I think the Johnny Depp trial was going on at the time and he has Winona forever and he changed it to Wino forever, so I was kind of like,

it's so easy for her, she could change the yay to like, yes, bitch. Yeah, sure. And that got you in trouble?

What do you mean in trouble? Well, like, the messages that I got were the most intense I've ever. Sometimes you never know what's going to hit like that, right?

I said way worse than this. I was like, thank God you guys weren't around for when Kanye was going through his spiral stage and Skeet... He would fucking kill me. Skeet was great for business for you, I feel like.

That period of time. Do you wake up sometimes and see the news and you're like, oh, here we go. Yeah, but not in that way, though. That's of time. That was a time. Do you wake up sometimes and see the news and you're like, oh, here we go. Yeah, but not in that way, though. That's the thing. Not in that way. Just in the genuine. Just in the genuine.

For the love of the game. Yeah. Can't wait to gossip about this shit. My family still isn't used to it where something will happen. I'll be like, oh, my God. And my husband will be like, oh, my God, what happened? Are you okay? You're having a stroke.

And I'm like, Courtney cut her hair short. I don't know what to do. So it's for real. That's what I'm saying. It's for real. Like it's not fake. I had a huge argument. I posted about the Kardashians all the time on One Minute Man because it does fucking numbers.

And I always get who cares. And I'm like, so many motherfuckers care. And I ended up getting in like a 500 tweet spiral where I'm like I shouldn't even be replying to these people but like I'm like you're the same guy who will flip out about like the bottom of the 7th and this guy threw a ball instead of a strike and like that's equally as stupid

and silly and doesn't impact your life as Kourtney Kardashian's hair is but sports is okay but like gossiping about a celebrity isn't these are all dumb things. I love when I'm on Entertainment Tonight or E! News, and I'll see in the comments, who even cares? I'm like, you're on an entertainment gossip page.

Who cares? Look at how much money they make. Those comments crack me up genuinely. That's why I always tell people, just write to me, I don't care. Because who cares? You want to see the list? Or don't write. Or anything, yeah.

Or just, you know, tap through. Sure. Tap. Tap. Swipe out. Like, what are you doing? That's so gross. But, I mean, it's been cool to watch it skyrocket.

I didn't realize it was only since 2020. So you're like, it's relatively new, but you're killing. No, babe. No, but, well, since when, like, it really popped. Oh. Yeah. I thought you were, like, big for a long time. No. No. No. I mean, I're new, but you're killing. No, babe. No, but, well, since when, like, it really popped. Oh. Yeah. I thought you were, like, big for a long time. No.

No. I mean, I don't know. I just know, I don't think there's, like, a set period where I'm like, oh, this is when it happened. When did you quit your job, your other jobs? Like, stop doing it. 2020. There you go.

That's the date. Right. No, but here's my thing. That was, like, I started making money. Yeah. But I was doing it for the love of it since I was doing it. And I would keep on. And I remember telling myself like, you know,

when I was like, you know, I'd open my email every day to see if like an offer would come through. Like a job, something interesting from, you know, putting my life into this. And I'd always just be like, you know what? I love it. It's like my my hobby it brings me so much joy and i kept telling myself like something good will come out of it it's like something good approach and and today when i get to do some cool things it's like i look back at that line of like something good will come out of it like here is the good stuff but also very aware that tomorrow's a new day this world is fucking crazy people

sometimes want to really you know bring you down and not have you you know do cool things anymore so i'm like thank god i still have that resume and if i need to you keep your family separate i think you kind of post about your kids i don't my kid yeah yeah no not at all i blast them yeah i did that too and i kind of regret it now now because you can't really put the toothpaste back in the tube. But do you ever think about separating the two? Because again, you're just doing you, right? No, I can't.

So that's the thing. I can't. I'm kind of the same way. I talk about my life, and this is what's going on in my life. But when you start to get real haters, sometimes I'm like, I don't need that spilling over to other people's lives. Are you married? I'm married, yeah. They love him, though. I feel like they don't need that spilling over to other people's lives are you married? I'm married yeah

they love him though I feel like they would take his side I feel like if something happened they'd be like she's such a bitch if anything they come for me

for like making fun of him but I'm like that's the point of this you know but listen I can and I think that when you

I think hate is such so much stronger than love sometimes the way you feel it like you can get unconditional love thrown at you all day. Like, I love you. Like, you're my favorite. I live for you.

And you're like, oh, that's so sweet. Of course. Right. And then you'll get like one message. It's like, I hate you. You suck. And you're like, oh, and that's what, but you just have to remember that it's mostly love and you're not going to let that ruin something good you know what

i mean amen girl amen babe so it's just so it's just the instagram right not skinny but not not skinny but not fat right and my podcast and the podcast yeah okay yeah just that keep doing your thing girl no fucking tiktoks i'm a if you if i see you on tiktok i'm calling you a sellout bitch i did invent the tiktok the other day that was pretty sick I didn't put it on TikTok but it was I guess it was it was on Howie Mandel's TikTok what? when he came in like on TikTok oh you did a move right?

what move do it? it was one of those things let me see if I can figure it out I've been practicing it in the mirror for the last three weeks I don't know pressure's on now I can't believe you brought this upon yourself he came in he's like you're on Instagram live or TikTok live and I went

oh oh oh I told you because wait I just want to say because why don't I like TikTok it's the opposite of what what I do plan and rehearse take 1000 right so I couldn't really do it you know what I do. Plan and rehearse. Take 1,000.

Right, so I couldn't really do it. Right, I hate that shit. That's why I think there should be TikToks kind of like the Be Real thing. I think a TikTok account that's just one and done. You get one talk.

And it's like, if you fuck up the dance, if someone comes in the way, like whatever, and you have to post that one. That I would follow. I don't want to see you rehearse it for 60,000 times.

I really need updates on John's Be Real. So if there's a way we can make that happen. We need to do a face regiment update on Be Real, one picture a day

and we'll see how that face starts to glow. Yeah, we'll see. You have a great face. I'll see if I can learn how to smile. A great face, not as good as yours.

Finally. Finally. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for coming out. Thank you for having me, guys. Thank you so much. Thank you. សូវាប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បាាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.