KFC Radio - KFC Radio x Broken Lizard: Super Troopers 2

Episode Date: April 19, 2018

Jay Chandrasekha, Steve Lemme and Paul Soter stop by to talk about Super Troopers 2 and answer your voicemailsThis episode is presented by:BROCKMIRE April 25th on IFC Brockmire returns for season 2. Catch up on season 1 on Hulu nowDOLLAR SHAVE CLUB dollarshaveclub.com promo code: KFCZIP RECRUITER ziprecruiter.com/kfcHONEY joinhoney.com/kfcTOMMY JOHN 20% off tommyohn.com/kfcYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's the KFC Radio Super Troopers crossover event. It's brought to you by Brockmire. Season 2 of Brockmire is almost here. It's premiering April 25th at 10 p.m. on IFC. Hank Azaria is back as the most relatable, identifiable KFC radio type of character the world of entertainment has ever seen. And so season one, we talked about how he's he's drunk and addicted and self-loathing and loves baseball. That's me and you, right? Yes. Season two,

season two. He now has a podcast. Really? I honestly think that the writers of Brockmire were like, what else can we do here? Like, how else can we make Kevin and John relate to? This is a movie based on our lives. It's a show based on our lives, and we just don't know about it. I mean, it's got infidelity issues, too.

I mean, it's got, I mean, everything. I think I heard in season two he travels to Columbia. I mean, it's unbelievable. Come on. Oh, my God. I was like, what? But he has a new, in this, so now in season two, he travels to Columbia. I mean, it's unbelievable. Oh, my God. What? But he has a new in this. So now in season two, he's popular again.

He's made it big because of the Internet. And so he launched. That's what you do. You launch a podcast and it's an alcohol and drug fueled show called Brock Bottom. It's great. I mean, the show is just fucking great. It's unbelievable. It premieres April 25th at 10 p.m. on IFC.

You can stream. You can binge season one right now on Hulu and get ready for the season two premiere. It's the Super Troopers gang came by the office. We did a little PMT, KFC radio split up. There was five of them. And Farva and Rabbit went to Dan and PFT. And we did Thorny, Mac, and Foster. So we had those three guys sit down with us.

And as this was all coming about, we were talking about the things that we can do with them. We were planning out our interview, basically. And we both watched the movie, and we saw the scene where they were chugging syrup. And Fights was like, should we chug some syrup with them? Should we make them do it?

Should we do it? Should we do a video separately? Should we do it during the interview? Should we not do chug some syrup with them and should we make them do it? Should we do it? Should we do a video separately? Should we do it during the interview? Should we not do it at all? And we debated it back and forth. I said, Jet Ski, go get me five bottles of maple syrup. And I opened them all up. I ripped the top off.

I had them ready to go. I came into the radio room where we're sitting right now and I set up every chair with a bottle of water and a bottle of syrup. And I didn't even know if we were going to do the chugging. I thought maybe just them walking in and seeing it would have been a good gag. Like, oh, yeah, the maple syrup. I'm setting things up. Feidelberg comes bursting through the door of the radio room, fucking knocking over all the bottles. Throw them out.

Throw them out. They don't want to chug. They don't want to chug. So you were talking to Mac out there. You're talking to Steve Lemme, right? Was Steve who let you know? Yeah. What did he say? He was like, he was just talking about, they, they had a 6am call time to get to the airport this morning. They flew here. They came right from the airport. So they were, they were beat. They were professionals about it, but they were, they were pretty clearly tired. Yeah. And I was just kind of shooting the show with him. I was like, yeah, you know, how's the movie last night? they did the chicago premiere last night and he said ah you know it's all right but you know just everyone's always asking us to fucking chug shit and i was like i'll be right back i go to the bathroom i ran in here and i was like get rid of the fucking people i mean i was literally

shooting them in the fucking trash can like it was a basketball boom boom boom boom just tossing full bottles out it was like something i thought that would be like kind of funny i i i definitely understood that they probably had i didn't think it was like a brand new original idea no but i i knew it was something that probably had been asked them before but i was like it'll be a funny video like it'd be a funny video if yeah they're here to do promo it'll be a funny bit to promo i think it's one thing if someone random the street comes up but like this is work really and like there are a lot of times where i'm out and like people come to me they like hand me a beer like sorry to the boys i'm like i don't want to talk this beer but i do

it but because like it's on video when it's like it's very on brand right you know if they if they were to sit down with like uh mark maron or something they're gonna just like talk about you know if you do inside the actor's studio you're gonna talk about movie producing and shit yeah you come to barstool this place a bunch of fucking jackasses you're gonna if you do inside the actor's studio, you're going to talk about movie producing and shit. You come to Barstool, this place is a bunch of fucking jackasses. You're gonna have to do some dumb shit. So I thought, we thought maybe it could have played, but, uh, and then you'll hear in the interview because we started to compare, um, Barstool followers and readers and listeners to movie fans. And, uh, you'll, you'll hear the bit. And I actually was going to bring it up in the interview. I didn't end up. And as they walked out after the cameras weren't rolling anymore, I was like, guys, take a look here.

And they look in the garbage and there's five full bottles of maple syrup in the trash. And Steve Lembe just looked at me like, you fucking idiot. It was great. So crisis averted. It would have absolutely ruined the whole tone of the interview. They would have been like, oh, these guys suck. Yeah. And instead, they were very cool very down to earth um i was hoping you know in my head i always think about the

national lampoons the broken lizards the the um even like when we're talking to seth rogan how he has his click they don't have a name per se but you know these these like uh clicks that all branch off and i feel like i would i would love to be broken lizard like those guys are kind of who i think would be the i would strive to be like those guys you know they're all actual friends they all been so for 30 years yeah it's nuts man i don't i mean i'm done with you yeah i know i'm finished with you told that like i don't i can't imagine doing this for 20 more years fuck that noise man now. Now fuck that. Come on, Kevin.

Very good stuff from the Broken Lizard guys. I'm into it for 20 more years, just so we're clear here. Well, let's get into it with Broken Lizard guys. This interview is brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. Your boy, K. Marco, is working on a thick-ass beard. Yeah, he loves it. He's got some depth to it. It's coming off his face.

Grizzly Adams did have a beard, but, uh, so he's not shaving right now. I was like, yo bro, send your razors my way because I know, because the one thing about dollar shave club is if you ever do start growing a beard,

they just, you start accumulating the, the razors cause you're not using them as much. Uh, so in that case, when you do sign up, you can, uh,

you can change the frequency cause you can have razors delivered to you every month. You can have every other month. So, no matter what style you're going for, Dollar Shave Club will tailor their deliveries to whatever you're doing. It's not just razors. They have the shave butter. They have the hair product. They call it Boogie's Hair Clay, I think. They have lip balm.

They have lotion for your hands, lotion for your face. They got stuff to wipe your butt. You got to keep your butt clean. Dollar Shave Club will help you keep your butt clean. It's like sometimes you wake up in the morning like, I got to wipe my butt. And I only got this lame-ass paper towel, toilet paper. Now I got the one-wipe Charlies to wipe my butt. And you can do it all for just $5 when you go to dollarshaveclub.com

and use promo code KFC at checkout. It's $5 off your second month. Dollarshaveclub.com, promo code KFC. Join the club today. All right, big-time interview here. We got the Broken Lizard guys in studio at Barstool HQ. We got Giant Jumblingum Chandra Sikar. Whoa.

We got Steve Lemme. How do you pronounce that one? Yeah, that's tough. That's a hard one. It's tough. Lemme. And Paul Sotir one? Yeah, that's tough. That's a hard one. It's tough. Lemme. And Paul Sotir. Sotir.

Oh, okay. All right, we got the pronunciations out of the way. Yeah, I got the pronunciation. How long have you been practicing that bit? You know, a solid ten minutes beforehand. We discussed it. You think it would be funny if I get the hard name right and the easy names wrong? Ask him what his name means.

What does your name? I believe the easy name's wrong? Ask him what his name means. What does your name... I believe the middle name is... Yeah, so the name is Giant Jumbo Lingam Chandrasekhar, which translates to Victorious Large Penis Rising Moon. Really? Yeah. Well, you've come to the right

place. Yeah. See, I feel like... I don't even know if I'm allowed to laugh. Are you serious? I'm dead serious. And you can laugh. You have a... It's giant victorious penis. Victorious large penis rising moon. I feel like, did you ever watch Parks and Rec? Yeah. I feel like it's kind of, you know how they have the Native American and he kind of pulls the joke on the white man?

Yeah. I kind of feel like that's happening. No. No, that's his name. That's my name. That's his name. Don't wear it out. I mean, that's his name. That's my name. Don't wear it out. I mean, that's a...

But, you know, these guys are excited to hear that because Barstool Sports is the home of the dick pic. Like, this is where they get athletes' dick pics. This is the hub of athletic dick pics. I like to think Deadspin is the one that had it first. Oh, you're right. Deadspin is... They're the ones who dig it up, and they'll kind of gotcha.

We'll just be like, it's a pretty sweet dick. If you're going to be out there, we'll comment on your dick. Sure. Lamar Jackson was one that comes to mind. What's that? Lamar Jackson is one that comes to mind. That's a famous pick. That's a victorious rising moon penis.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a diesel one. He has a sweet dick, as you say. Very sweet dick. That's what they call sweet dick. Lamar Jackson translates Very sweet dick. That's what they call sweet dick. Lamar Jackson translates into sweet dick. So you guys are obviously on the verge of dropping Super Troopers 2. It comes out on Friday 4-20, which is the perfect release date.

I mean, the stars and the moons aligned on that one, Friday night, 4-20. That was a big accident, I'm sure, right? I mean, that's the hope. This was a big marketing ploy. Not on our part. We don't make those decisions. And, you know, the movie was ready a year ago, and they were like, you know what? Oh, really?

Nine months ago, yeah. You know what? 420, 2018's a Friday. How do you guys feel about hanging out for 10 months? We're like, fuck. All right. But, yeah, I get it. I get the logic.

But we'll see if it pans out. I think when you see the box office this weekend, it'll probably be worth it. Well, we sure hope so. But, you know, that depends on our fans going out and seeing the movie. And, you know, our fan base, half of our fan base is stoners. And they don't often, they're like cats. They don't really behave the way you want them to behave. Sometimes they just get too high.

Yeah, that's true. And they can't rally. Yeah, like we want you to go out and make sure you can get out to the theater and see this. Yeah. What were you saying about like you'll go do a live show

and you'll be like across the street from the venue and meet somebody, say they're a big fan, say, oh, I'll leave tickets for you for the show. Yeah. And then you never see it again.

Yeah. We're just right across the street. What are you guys doing in town? This is awesome. We're performing right over there. Literally can see it. Yeah, you want to come? We'll just right across the street. What are you guys doing in town? We're performing right over there. Literally can see it. Yeah, you want to come? We'll put you on the guest. He says, no, no, man.

Maybe. I mean, I feel that, though. I'm not even much of a stoner, but I feel that I don't like to commit to things. And maybe that's why I have a stoner mentality without the weed itself. It just kind of courses through my veins at all times. But I'm very against committing to things even 12 hours in the future. Sure. Well, these are the times now.

It's not like when we grew up and you had to sit down and watch a television program at 8.30 p.m. Now you can do whatever you want. Whatever you want, whenever. It's beautiful. It's a hell of a time to be alive. It's a great life to live. So the last Super Troopers one was 2002. It's been a while.

It's a diesel break in between, which the two questions I have regarding that, first would be, what leads you to be like, we're doing it, let's make the sequel? Sequels, they can fall flat. Sometimes people say, just leave it alone. But 16 years

later or 15, whenever you started filming it, you're like doing it. What is the impetus for that? I mean, it was time, you know, we, we, we had been trying to do it since like 2009. And, uh, you know, we were trying to raise the money for it. And I think, you know, the studio said, yeah, you can, we'll do it. I mean, you guys should raise the money though. Thanks. But we'll put it out there. And so, you know, we were trying to raise the money, and I think that between the studio and the financiers, everyone thought that the fans were gone. So we wound up doing this Indiegogo campaign,

and we raised, you know, almost $5 million. Yeah. And really that's what started it all off. And we still raised money after that, but the fans made it happen. That's, I mean, they were clearly way off. I would, I'm shocked that the movie company, the theater was like, the fans are gone. Well, I think that surprises me. It was more about like, you know, 90% of those fans consumed the movie on a dead platform on DVDs.

So for them, I think it's more like, all right, well, you know, can we count on them to like come to a theater? So I think that was really the question. Did they make that theatrical commitment? I'm not sure if, like we keep going back to, are they going to get off the couch? You mentioned that, like, a lot of the premiere stuff is part of the Indiegogo. You get the fans to come to the premiere. Yeah. Does that get annoying?

No. Because you were saying, like, they were all coming up to you afterwards. You take a lot of pictures, obviously, and that can be a pain in the ass. Well, you know. Also, everyone's making you chug shit. Yeah, when people come with a bottle of maple syrup, saying, like, they're all coming up to you afterwards. You take a lot of pictures, obviously, and that can be a pain in the ass. Well, you know. Also, everyone's making you chug shit. Yeah, when people come with a bottle of maple syrup, you're like, get the fuck away from me. It's getting harder and harder to be nice about that. It really is.

I'm just like, I just throw the other guys under the bus. I'm like, that's not my scene. Yeah, I never did that. I don't know these guys. But, like, no, you meet these people. I mean, really, you're meeting people who gave their money for you to make a movie. And so we're so connected to the fans, the most we've ever been, because we're meeting all these people.

We're hanging out with them, and they're like, yeah, I missed one of my car payments to contribute to your movie. And you're like, well, that's a bit much. Yeah, but it's so cool because it's like we all made it together. Right. And that's just the truth. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a bit much. Yeah, but it's so cool because we all made it together. Right. And that's just the truth. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the Broken Lizard crew, you guys are real friends.

You've been doing this together for, you met in college, I believe it was? Yeah, we were 18. You're not even sick of each other yet? I've known him for 10 years. We've been over it. Like, you're catching us at the tail end of a four-week tour. So yeah, we haven't been apart for four years. And we been over it. You're catching us at the tail end of a four-week tour. So yeah, we haven't been apart for four years. And we are good friends.

But also, we're just fucking sick of each other. I know that game. Oh yeah, look, I mean, one weekend, I tour with Heffernan. We do live shows. On Thursday, we fly. We're all enthusiastic when we get to the airport. And by Sunday, we're not even walking with each other. Get the fuck away from me, man.

This is four weeks. But I'm not sick of you guys. Are you sick of me? We got out of our car, and I was like, oh, we're a little bit early for this interview, man. I'm going to get a slice. I'm thinking, what's the first thing you do when you get to New York? And Jay was like, yeah, no. And Heffernan walked with me for a block. He was like, I need to get glue for my shoe.

He peeled off, and I'm like, all right, fuck it, I'll go buy myself a slice. And it was nice. Sat in silence eating my slice. The barstool vibe is we aspire to be kind of like Broken Lizard in a way. Because you do get the feel that you guys are pretty tight and it's not something that was just fabricated by a movie company or the industry. So, I mean, it does still, even just sitting here now, the way you guys are kind of bullshitting,

it still feels very authentic. So I think that's probably a huge piece of what the fans, why you can raise $5 million when you just ask for it. The vibe here is unique. Like, the elevator door opens. I was saying it's like walking in the tropical zone at the zoo. Like a fucking heat wave and, like, the smell of testicles just hits you. It's not great. It's not a very welcoming

scene. I mean, I think every guest we've had kind of points out like, hey, you guys all look like pieces of shit. And then you come in here and it's like, we have the asbestos wall and the bear. It just sucks. This place just kind of sucks. It's all dudes. There's like two girls that work here. Yeah, they're champs.

We hired five or six who are really making content, and then downstairs is like the business side of things. But, yeah, they're certainly – they don't like it. And our bathroom situation is a disaster. We have two over there that are just single toilets. So it's about 100 people, 95 guys. But that's like – there used to be women in our group, like in college, in the first couple of years that we moved here

and we were doing live shows down in the village. Yeah, there was a point at which it just was too gross. You're just sitting around in your own farts. They just peeled off? They were just like, we're out? Yeah. Do something else. You remember, like, we used to perform at this place,

the Duplex, down on Christopher Street in Sheridan Square. It was the only place that would take us. It was a cabaret club, and they had, a two-drink minimum room upstairs. But our backstage was just a little stairwell with like seven steps on it. And so there were like nine of us back there, like seven dudes and two girls. And it's like, you know, we're all naked changing with each other. I don't think it was very pleasant for them. No, I would imagine it's not. We even had a couple dudes quit. They were like, one guy quit.

He said our mom jokes were giving him headaches. Well, that was a mistake. Guess where mom jokes got me, bro. Take a look as we drop our sequel on Friday. We were sweaty and stinky, too, because we would do a live show, and we had video sketches in between. That was the beginning of us learning how to make films. But back then, you didn't have flat-screen TVs.

So you also would – to have a TV big enough to show a sketch to an audience, you had to get, like, the biggest TV you could buy. It was like a piece of furniture. And that meant hauling, like, all five of us, like, hauling upstairs. And it was, you know, it was like, yeah, you're like moving and covered in sweat. So you guys really did the grind for a while. Yeah, about five years. Nicknamed the Beast.

It was the Beast. That's great. And Jay lived on Bleecker Street, so, you know, we'd carry this monster TV down five flights of stairs. We'd wheel it over to the club, carry it up two flights of stairs, and then, you know, carry it back down and then up the five flights of stairs. Did that twice a week. What happened to the beast?

That's more dedication than I've ever felt. I was going to say, you know, it's – I like to think that I grinded for a while at Barstool. I lived on a couch on $400 a month. I didn't move any fucking TV. If I told you you had to lift shit, you would have been like, nope, I'm out. I'll go, this is not for me. I'm not lifting anything.

I'm going to become an insurance agent, I think. The other question I had regarding the gap between the movies is, I feel like the landscape of comedy has greatly shifted just as far as what you can say, what you can't say, even with police-type jokes and whatnot. Was there any concern about that? Does that play into your mind in this movie and in any other comedy you do? Or do you just say, fuck it and let it fly? For the most part, we say, fuck it and let it fly.

But we have evolved in the same way society has. I mean, you know, you have to consider your police jokes when you make them. We make plenty of them. And the PC stuff, you know know there are things that people will be probably offended by that they might not have been offended by back then but we're we're we wrote 37 drafts so we're standing by we want to do these jokes not and if you're offended by them then there's another one coming maybe maybe we'll win you back but we've never been mean-spirited i mean that's right Intense, right?

I don't even mean, like, the anti-police jokes. I think more just, like, police that fuck around and don't take the doctor seriously. That's kind of, like, a more sensitive subject, I guess, nowadays. The conceit of this film has changed from the first one so that there's less of... Like, we have a thing that we're trying to do. There's this town on the Canadian side of of the border and they've reassessed the border and realized this town is should be American.

So we're sent there. So we have a job to do. So most of really the comedy is about like us having to be this shitty occupational force, even though we don't want to do it. But that's our job. So I think it there't that same sense of the movie's all about cops who just fuck with people who fuck with people. And so those kinds of stuff, I mean, there's still pullovers. There's still a lot of jokes in the same spirit, but that dynamic isn't necessarily as much in the sequel, so it didn't come up too much as we were writing it.

Any Winnebago fights? No, there's fights. A lot of fights. We got some fights in this movie. We got some good fights. Well, we got a question here. Somebody called in asking about fights. Let's there's fights. A lot of fights. We got some fights in this one. We got some good fights. Well, we got a question here. Somebody called in asking about fights. Let's get into it.

What's up, boys? A couple of big fights today in Major League Baseball. And brought me back to the old days of the Sox-Yankees rivalry. And I was wondering what your guys' favorite sports fights are. Mine's gotta be 0-4, A-Rod, and Veritech going at it.

A couple of good ones like Ron Artest, fighting fans. I like the back in the days when the Colorado Avalanche and Detroit Red Wings had their rivalry. There was the revenge game. Claude Lemieux and Patrick Waugh and Mike Vernon. The goalie fights are, when they squared off like that, that was awesome. That was like out of a movie. Well, so Vernon was like a five-foot-nine goalie, and Patrick Waugh was like 6'3", and Mike Vernon beat the shit out of Patrick Waugh.

But those teams, I mean, it was like. Just don't even play hockey. Just drop the puck and fight. No, they dropped the puck, and the teams just went at it. And that happened, you know, when like two seconds after they finally cleared all the gloves off the ice and kicked people out. Next shift. Same thing. And that rivalry was great.

But those guys used to brawl all the time. Your pick was another hockey fighter. Milbury. The shoe. Milbury the shoe. Climbing the boards. Getting to the crowd. He had won the Lady Bing the year before, which is the best sportsman in the league.

Oh, wow. The biggest gentleman in the league. The Lady Bing trophy. I did not realize that. So you got to come. Is this supposed to be an insult? It's funny because it's called the Lady Bing, which is just ironic. But, you know, like Gretzky won a lot of Lady Bings.

And this guy's in the crowd beating people with their shoes. You've seen the video. With his own shoe. Took the guy's in the crowd beating people with their shoes. You've seen the video. With his own shoe, took the guy's shoe off and beat him over the head. Which is the most emasculated thing that could happen. What was the Knicks game we were watching where there was a fight and Van Gundy tried to stop somebody and got, like, dragged around? Like, he was like Alonzo Mourning. Yeah, I mean, that was.

Got his, like, arms wrapped around, like, Mourning's leg. It was like a kid playing with his dad. You know, like, holding your leg, daddy. He was just walking around throwing just getting dragged. It was like a kid playing with his dad. You know, like holding your leg, daddy, he was just walking around throwing punches. Nick's feet was always a girl. You don't always get

like a big laugh in the middle of a fight. But that's like we have a sweet physical comedy. And also like Pedro and Zim, that created like a nice, it was horrible,

but it was also hilarious to watch. I mean, that's Don Zimmer's fault. You can't, I don't care how old you are. You come charging at a guy, he's going to kind of give you the whole way. Like, what do you expect him to do? Well, that was like what, I think Pedro beamed Gary Sheffield in one of those.

And like Sheffield was, that dude was terrifying. He was walking to first base just looking at Pedro. Like, not me. Yeah, you can hit somebody else. Not Gary. Not Gary Sheffield. That's you can hit somebody else. Not Gary. Pedro hit anybody. What was it he said about Babe Ruth? He said, put Babe Ruth in the box. I'll beat him right in the fucking ass.

One of my favorite things I've ever done in my whole life was I sat down with Pedro and I was talking to him about Kareem Garcia. I think it was Jorge Posada was yelling at him. And Pedro was like, I'm pointing to his head like, I'm going to hit you in the head with a ball. And Pedro was like, no, no, no. I was just telling him, like, I'm thinking about you, man. I'm thinking about you And Pedro was like, no, no, no, I was just telling him, like, I'm thinking about you, man. I'm thinking about you.

It's like, yeah, now you were threatening to kill that man with a ball. We got another question here about Grand Theft Auto life. What's up, boys? Nick calling in from Hoboken. Shout out KFC. First time, long time. So got myself a little would you rather for you guys. So would you rather your life be more like the video game Grand Theft Auto

in the fact that you could steal anything you want, you know, like in the game, like cars, boats, whatever, the whole nine, or go running around punching people in the head with no consequences? So thievery or violence, you know, no punishment? I guess thievery or violence on, you know, no punishment? I guess thievery. I mean. You don't want to hurt anybody. I mean, no, you do sometimes.

It's nice to have no consequences. If you had no consequences, you'd fall into a real nice punching routine, I have a feeling. Yeah. That's very true. The thing that I think was funny about Grand Theft Auto is that when your health is damaged, you can have sex with a hooker, and that's how you rejuvenate your health. I mean, that's pretty

accurate to life, I feel like. When you're down in the dumps, you get in the back of a hooker in a parking lot, you're probably feeling better about yourself after that. I'm taking violence, man. I don't want to accumulate stuff. You steal a car, and then what? You got this car? You got a boat?

I don't know. I'd rather be able to just slug you in the face with nothing happening. There are way more times in my life when I think I'd like to have that rather than get that. Oh, really? That's crazy. That's the total opposite. If I can just go around and beat people with their own shoe, I would do that.

That's satisfying as it gets, man. That's special right there. A couple more before we wrap up with you guys. Hey KFC, Fights, Juan Enrique, Super Producer BC. So on St. Paddy's, we started out drinking at my friend's place before the bars. And one of my friends met a guy that also

lived in that building. He didn't come out with us, but my friend went back to his place later that night. And the next morning when they woke up, she realized that he had an ankle monitor on and she freaked out and grabbed her clothes and ran out the door. But what do you do the next time you see him or what would you guys have done in that situation? Thanks. Viva.

I mean, I love this. Oh, sorry. Imagine the physical gymnastics he was trying to do, having sex with her while keeping that ankle up. That's what I was thinking. Keeping like one foot under the blanket for some reason. Oh, no. Wow.

I don't know. I'm no stranger to hiding things in sex. Like I hide my penis all the time. I don't want you to see my soft dick. That shit gets hidden. You're not seeing that. You're never seeing my soft dick. Isn't hide the penis just sex?

Isn't that what that is? Well, I mean before the sex actually takes place. While we're stripping off clothes, I'm working angles, so it's like, all right, I'm not there yet. Get the bangles. It's not presentable yet. It's like the Thanksgiving turkey. It's not done. Don't look yet.

Don't even go in the kitchen. We're not there yet. The ankle brace is a different story, though. We're all trying to hire a dick, and ankle brace is like the minute she sees this, she's going to call the police, probably. It's his house, but she's running for the hills when she finds out that I am a convict of some sort.

You could be a white-collar criminal, right? You could be an embezzler. Yeah, that's right. Really, you just have to have your backstory ready. Be like, I was just embezzling funds. There's nothing to worry about. I'm rich now. Honey, don't worry about it. I think if it was with a girl, I'm thinking.

Lindsay Lohan. If I'm in bed with Lindsay Lohan and I see her ankle bracelet, that does nothing. But yeah, that's a turn on. But with a man, I would. Yeah. I mean, the advice is if you're going to hit on a guy, hit on a guy in shorts, right? I mean, any guy with long pants is probably a criminal.

Just assume every man wearing long pants is hiding an ankle monitor. How can you rule it out? We're talking St. Patrick's Day, too. Yeah, I mean, anything. Aren't the Irish all criminals? You're probably safer inside with the ankle monitor dude than out on the streets

on St. Patrick's Day. I mean, ankle monitor dude, the system has put their trust in him. They trust that guy. Right. He's got honor. He's honoring the code. I'll show you guys mine right now. One heck of a spin zone there, and I like it.

Look, the government trusts me to be a good guy, and I like it. Oh, it takes a little bit of jewelry. No big deal. Come on. If it was one of those neck monitors that blows your head off when you leave the premises, that would be more. Because there's some collateral damage potential there. But I think that's a great pickup line.

If I've got an ankle bracelet, an ankle thing, I'll just pull up my pants and be like, if the government trusts me, why can't you? That's a good pickup line. It's a great pick. I might just go get an ankle bracelet now and just spin this whole story. Last one here. This one goes off the rails. It gets a little weird.

What's up, KFC, Fight, Super Troopers, and Producer? So I've got a dilemma. I've got two girls I'm talking to right now. One I'd really like to date. She's pretty awesome. The first girl I think I'd have to wait for for like a month. Just because she doesn't have a lot of time right now she needs graduate uh graduate school so there's that and then the second girl i i took her out last friday that's the first time i ever met her i met her on a fucking tinder and uh we're on our way back to my place and she starts

talking to uber and she leaned forward. And I don't know why I did this, but I started rubbing her back, and then I put my hand down her pants. And I tried to do the whole, like, you know, the baseball field thing where my hand goes all the way to her fucking vagina. And I couldn't make it all the way there, so I stopped short and started playing with her butt. And like I said, she just kept talking to Uber. Didn't even skip a beat. Nothing. Like, didn't even look at me. Nothing.

So I'm thinking this girl's crazy. So I guess my dilemma is, what the hell do I do? Do I wait for the girl that I actually like and date? So we got, on the one hand, the graduate upstanding woman. You've got to wait a month for whatever reason. And then you've got the girl who can chat with the Uber driver while getting her... While you butt blast.

While you butt blast her. Doesn't miss a beat. It's weird, like, that that's the guy's test. Like, I'm going to try to butt blast her and if she likes it, then I don't like her.

Like, I'm thinking she's crazy. I'm like, what? I think that was pretty successful. I think this is a good thing, man. The fact that that's going in the column of, like, negative for her is you're a tough crowd.

I love any voice feel that starts with, like, so I like this person. Like, that one. Yeah. Yeah, go with that one. I'm not even sure I understand what the guy's question is. Is he saying, like, which one? I guess he's got to pick one or the other, yeah. So are you the type to go for the graduate girl or the butt blast?

Because he's a moral guy. He needs to pick one or the other. Upstanding fella. I mean, I think, you know, to be fair, he should try to butt blast the graduate school That's what I'm saying. And see what she does. Even the playing field. Because if she does both, then you got yourself, then you propose right there on the spot.

She's going to graduate school, and she can get butt blasted without missing a beat. I think it's a 22. Like, 22, I'm kind of laughing at how it starts with, I like this person. Should I just keep talking to them? Yeah, you probably should. That's really... But that's life. A two-year-old me probably wouldn't take that advice.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, but... But figuring this out on a lot of fun stuff with the other one. But he... I mean, the dude himself sounds pretty creepy. It's like he didn't kiss the girl first. While she's leaning forward, he just... He goosed her, basically.

He diddled her. Yeah. He gave her a good diddling. He started at her back. That's the warning. That was the foreplay. That's fair. Look, I rubbed your back.

You know what's happening next. She's going home to her friends being like, hey, well, guys, you know, he rubbed my back. So I had to let him finger my butt. That's how it goes. He sounds kind of hard to be a woman. It's not easy. Being born a male is just the best thing in the world. That's just how it goes. He sounds kind of weird. Hard to be a woman. It's not easy. It's not terrible. Being born a male is just the best thing in the world.

It's really... Really good head start. We're blessed folks here. But the... It also, the guy sounds weird just because it sounds like he's making this call from the backseat of his mom's van. He doesn't want her to hear it, so he whispers like, so I'm... Play with her, but I guess... What are you saying back there?

Mom! I'm calling my friends! I guess. What are you saying back there? Mom! I'm calling my friends. I'm leaving a message on Barstool. All right, fellas. Well, you got a lot to get to, so we're going to let you go. You got the movie coming out on 420 tomorrow once this airs. And I just got to say that I was watching Super Troopers 1 for the billionth time last night, and as I got it on demand, I noticed that Rotten Tomatoes is a 35% critic and a 90% audience.

And in my experience, any movie that has a low critic and a high audience is like, they're all my favorite movies of all time. That's what we're shooting for on this one. Do you even care about Rotten Tomatoes? Is that a thing that movie actors, producers, writers, people in the industry care about? Of course you do. It's hard.

You want to have 90 fresh. You want to be one of those movies. But it's like, I had my moment yesterday. I was like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm done. I'm not even reading these reviews. That's a crucial mistake. You were reading them. You shouldn't even go there to begin with, man.

Just want to check them out, because for like one moment in time, we had 80% on Super Troopers 2. We had 80%. We had five reviews in. So I don't even know what it is now. Do you want me to check for you? Don't look. I'm not interested. It's less than 80. I don't like that. I'm a big, big advocate of not looking at anything.

Because if you did it, you know it's good. You're smarter than that. The movie's fucking great. When we made Beer Fest, we got a review from Grandma's Reviews out of Arizona. And she said, there's too much drinking in this movie. I give it a negative review. And you're like, and that comes into our aggregate? I mean, Grandma's Reviews?

It's fucking beer fest. It's too much drinking. Rotten tomatoes. That's one thing we get here a lot is we get the comments and Twitter people and things like that. And we've kind of learned to just be like, who gives a fuck? I did it. And I'm smarter than you and I'm funnier than you. So I think it's fucking good.

Yeah, no, we've had 16 or 17 screenings. We've screened it up in Canada. We've been all over the country with it. And the audiences are fucking into it. Loving it. Loving it. The movie works. There's good shit.

There's great performances. We've got awesome. There's very few movies that I can 100% be like, this is going to work. And the Super Trooper guys getting back together and doing it was like an absolute no-brainer. I can't believe it. I can't believe we're not on like five yet.

I think you guys should just keep rolling because this idea is not going to get old. This crew is going to work forever. Jay kind of gritted his teeth. He's like, I don't know. Super Troopers Three Winter Soldiers. Let's do it. Alright, fellas. We really appreciate it. Anytime you're in New York, come on by.

Thanks, man. Alright, that interview was brought to you by ZipRecruiter. ZipRecruiter is the best way to find the right people for whatever position you're trying to fill in your business. You could be a mom and pop shop. You could be a big time businessman corporation. No matter what kind of business you are, you need great people and you need a better way to find them. That doesn't mean, you know, what people used to do. They just post a job online and you sit there and you cross your fingers and you twiddle

your dick and you hope for somebody to find it. Not anymore. ZipRecruiter is going to go out and find the matches for you. They learn what you're looking for. They identify the right people with the right experience, and it invites them to apply to your job. To be perfectly honest, ZipRecruiter scares me. It sounds a lot like artificial intelligence, where it's like the computer just knows what you're looking for and like figures it out. So the recruiter might end up being the downfall of mankind, much like Skynet from Terminator 2, because they are so technologically advanced, it could actually lead to the apocalypse for

humans. But in the meantime, before that happens, you're going to fill the shit out of your job positions. You're going to find whoever you need. You're going to find the quality candidates. Guess how long it takes? Fucking day. One day? it takes? Fucking day. One day?

It takes a fucking day to fill these positions. You're telling me that's not going to lead to the global collapse of humanity? We got a lot of unemployed idiots out here. I'm sure they could use that. Right? Good job, you bum. You bums! ZipRecruiter.com is free right now when you go to ZipRecruiter.com slash KFC.

That's ZipRecruiter.com slash KFC. It's the smartest way to hire. And just remember when, you know, we're all like, remember in the Terminator when there's fire and there's a chain link fence in the Terminator, guys, that's because of ZipRecruiter. Remember that. I appreciate, you know what I wish we kind of did?

My only regret with that interview with Super Troopers? What? I think we could have gone hard with those guys like you never know uh you know we talk about some fucked up stuff and even the most you know laid-back comedian and and movie star might be like bro i'm not i don't want to talk about that that's a little crazy so we always try to pick some you know i want i want the listeners to hear their favorite movie stars saying some shit that you're not going to hear them talk about anywhere else but i don't want to make them uncomfortable

and i think we could have gone in because afterwards paul was like these are those are great you get like how what how did these calls work like i was telling him how we get like hundreds of calls and we whittle it down to 10 and he was like man that, that was awesome. I was like, oh, brother. That was... I did. I did. I did. That one I was a little concerned about. And as soon as they started throwing around the term butt blast with Reckless Abandon, I was like, yeah, I like this shit.

But I think we could have done the one inch in and one inch out question. Oh, boy. I think you're really nilly with that question. I think that's one where even I was very hesitant. I know, but that's what I want. I want people... You're never going to hear your fucking favorite movie

stars talking about that anywhere else in the world. These people come through, they do their promo tours, they tell a lot of the same stories, they answer a lot of the same questions. I want people to be like, whoa. Whoa. I get what you mean. I don't love... What's that? I want people to be like whoa i get what you mean i don't i don't love what's that well i mean uh yeah i think sometimes you know when it's a one-off you know and it's like so let's let's get as much as we can out of this but um they were they were definitely

cool like as soon as you know as soon as you're multiple times saying butt blast you're you're in the butt blast was really it was like a kid it was like oh okay it's been unlocked where yes you're normal now and i was comfortable saying that actually i think i gave a good answer on that one um what how you're saying well i actually uh no fuck you i think that um steve gave a great answer because it was the same exact thing i was thinking if you're trying to decide between two girls and only one has been butt blasted, you gotta even the playing field. Because then, I mean, the answer might be, like, you have your

dream girl. It's the girl that you really like also can just get her asshole fingered and not react. Like, then that is the one. The no reaction, I think, would almost like, turn me off. Whereas he, like, he's like, I think she's crazy. Strong disagree. Well, like, he's like, I think she's crazy. Well,

like, I'd be like, you don't like, like I, I would be like insecure about it. Like, am I doing it wrong? You're not doing it wrong,

but like hard to bubble. Is she, is she just uncomfortable and is just dealing with this? Right. Like, give me a look and like a smirk. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Like to just not even flinch. Just, you know, you reach over you kind of squeeze my knee or something yeah yeah yeah like show me like acknowledge me yeah acknowledge the fact that there's something in your butt yeah it's also a little like uh

oh boy a lot of things have been up there huh you know like even even the seasoned veteran has to react a little bit a little arch of the back or a little jump of the butt something's like yeah there's something in your butt. You know, to be honest, he didn't, you know, that guy didn't really give me much. Like, so she's getting her graduate degree. Big whoop. She's 20, right?

Yeah. What's she getting her graduate degree for? I didn't graduate college. No, no, no, no. Wait, that was the butt blast girl was 20, I think. No. No? The other way around? Yes. So his point is like, oh, no. Wait, that was the butt blast girl was 20, I think. No. No? The other way around?

Yes. So his point is like, oh, she's young and she's so smart. She's already getting her graduate degree. Don't care. That's not really. I mean, good for you. You're an intelligent girl. And I like her, which is still a weird point to me.

Like, you should probably just be with people you like. Yeah. That's kind of how I. I used to be different. So I think he said he was 22. So, like, I used to be different when I was 22. Like, I was with people I thought I was supposed to be with. So I think he said he was 22. So like I used to be different when I was 22. Like I was with people I thought I was supposed to be with and stuff like that.

Now I just hang out with people I like. I think you just have to decide what's important to you though. Like, you know, are you a, you know, you really, are you, are you a sexual person? Do you like to be, you know, finger and butts in public and you want a girl who can do that? Then you got your answer. If you want to sit around talking about like Socrates and philosophy and shit, get your graduate girl. And again, find you a girl who can do that, then you got your answer. If you want to sit around talking about like Socrates and philosophy and shit, get your graduate girl, you know, and again, get you, find you a girl who can do both. That's your answer right there, pal. Uh, all right. Voicemails time. We're going to get into it. We'll get extra weird. Yeah. Graduate, maybe get a graduate degree in butt blasting. You know, that's just called an undergrad.

That's called being an undergrad in the year 2018, man. Guys and girls. Everybody getting butt blasted in college. Honey is presenting today's voicemails. Honey is the easiest, most logical sponsor we've ever had. What it does is it's an extension of your browser that, uh, works with Amazon where it just provides all of the, all everything you're shopping for at its lowest price possible. It automatically searches 2 million sellers on

Amazon to find you the lowest price. It shows you items, price changes. So you can decide, you can look at it and be like oh yeah this has been dropping in price like the past couple weeks it's going to keep going down or maybe it's trending up you know stock market yeah it's basically you know you're going to be able to look at the trends you're going to be able to look at the everything on sale and you're going to be able to look at everything that is the lowest price possible uh they have what they call a drop list so you can sign up for something and when the price drops it notifies you. So again, much like the stock, this is the stock market for

shopping and you'll never overpay on Amazon for anything ever again. So, I mean, Fights is the only person in the world who does not shop on Amazon. That is like, that just means you don't have things. I don't really have things.

But like you don't have like paper towels. You don't have like anything. Louis't really have things. But you don't have paper towels. You don't have anything. Louis gets those for me. On Amazon? No, elsewhere. No free ads. I was going to say, what do you have, like black market? I can't tell you where that happens.

But Honey is the, for everyone else out there, the normal people who shop on Amazon and get all of your essentials. You get all your toiletries, all your stuff for around the house. You can get food. I get baby formula. I get everything I need from Amazon. And now when I use Honey, I know that I'm getting the best price possible and I'm finding everything that's on sale. It takes two clicks and it's free. You add on the extension, you're good to go. Go to joinhoney.com slash KFC. Like I said, it's free. It takes two clicks and you're going to start saving that money. It's joinhoney.com slash KFC.

We put out the call for voicemails. What was the most requested? Number seven, this poor girl lost her earring. Hey KFC, long time, first time. My name is Liz. I'm from a small suburb

right outside of Boston and I go to a huge SEC school and I was hooking up with this guy who was like also from the Boston area and he whiskey dicks me a ton so I was like all right whatever but he always like took care of me so I was like all right like I'll keep him around and one night night he was, like, kissing my neck in my ear. And then, like, the next thing I knew, he jumped out of bed and started just, like, pounding water and, like, natty ice. I was like, what in God's name are you doing? And the next thing I knew, he was just, like, looking at me. And, like, this dickhead swallowed my earring and the first thing I was

like oh my god my grandma's gonna kill me she gave me these like pearl earrings for confirmation like shit and he was like oh like don't worry I'll get it back to you in like a few days and he texted me tonight and was like hey Liz I have your earring if you want it like I'll give it to you this weekend I'm super excited like I hope I get to see you and I don't know if I'm just like absolutely like a bitch but I don't hook up with this guy like he doesn't he's not good at sex and this motherfucker just swallowed my earring like and he keeps texting me and he like literally snapchat me and slid into the Twitter DMs. And he won't leave me alone now.

But I don't want to hook up with a guy who doesn't know what he's doing clearly. So, Viva. She's missing the point here. Yeah, totally missing it. This guy just pooped out your earring. He's been sifting through his poop for days. How do you know when to expect an earring to come out? I've seen Mighty Ducks. He's been sifting through his poop for days I cannot believe that this girl How do you know when to expect an earring to come out?

I've seen Mighty Ducks I know that when they have the dog What's the dog eat? The Mighty Ducks And they gotta give They gotta just follow him I forget what he ate But he ate something

Yeah And like But like a human being I have no idea what my digestive tract's like I don't know how long it takes to digest things I don't know what You know what came out on Tuesday Could be like I don't know how long it takes to digest i don't know what you know what came out on tuesday could be like i don't know like last thursday yeah i'm not a big pooper i don't poop unless i'm very comfortable so i'll go three days without

pooping so who knows when that's from right right and it's like i don't know when your earring's coming out and it's small enough that like you know it's not like it's gonna be sticking out maybe you get lucky and you're just like oh there's a pearl but otherwise that dude's just like digging into the toilet this is crazy that the girl was like i mean no offense but like you're not that good at hooking up i don't want to see you again he's telling you that he's got your poop earring i mean i was all prepared to discuss what you do in this situation like either those earrings are gone or you buy replacement earrings yeah but that literal earring

is going down the toilet when it gets pooped out. Could you imagine? That's so dangerous. I'd go to the hospital in a heartbeat. I'd really cut me open and get it out because I'd rather have a little needle thing coming out of your butt. Yeah, I'd rather have a doctor fucking create an incision

and go with me and go get it rather than take the risk of like a fucking sharp object coming out of my ass it's like this ninja star from a couple fucking weeks ago i mean i'll be honest i think you can get away with a with a pearl earring you know it's not a ninja star but i hear you it could go wrong yeah if it goes awry like and you just have like a cut asshole oh like what is that all about i don't know that deal and then i don't want to live that life. Could you imagine?

I can't. This girl threw me so off by not getting the point here. Like, can you imagine, like, ding dong, and you open up the door and he's got, on the palm of his hand, your earring

that was pulled from his shit. And he's like, like, surprise. Like, I got it. Yeah, like, I'm the hero. I would just never talk. There's so many things in my life where I just never talk to you again. That's the preemptive breakup. That's one of them. I'm like, I'm just never going to talk to you again. I'm not going I would just never talk There's so many things in my life where I just never talk to you again

That's one of them I'm just never going to talk to you again I'm not going to text you, I'm not going to reach out to you When you text me, I'm not going to reply Our relationship has ended Because I swallowed your earring and pooped it out I think that's pretty nuts I've knocked an earring out before

I'm a big ear nibbler I could see it I just know not to bite the metal things in my ear and I also like yeah I don't think I'm going to end up swallowing it like if somehow the earring was in my mouth I'm sorry you know my bad but it wouldn't be like nope plus like you know how many germs are in there

in the earring yeah like earrings like people have to clean their earrings people don't do it enough you have like all the gunk and shit. Germaphobe over here. Yeah. Meanwhile, we lick the microphones and shit. But there's no gunk

at least visible. And then think about the gunk when it comes out of your fucking butt and your poop, man. It's just in your stomach. Nah, man. I mean, now she said

grandma gave her those earrings for confirmation. Whatever. I don't fucking care. This is another reason just to never have anything in your life that you really care about. Don't ever have valuables. I don't have care. This is another reason just to never have anything in your life that you really care about. Don't ever have valuables. I don't have anything in my life

where I'm like, I would keep that if it went through poop. There's nothing in my life. Nothing. I'm talking about humans. If John went through poop, I'd be like, I'm done with you. Yeah, if I'm in a sewer one day, throw me out. Yeah, no. Don't. I'll leave you down there. If you ever end up in the sewer, I'll be like, you belong to the sewer now, John. You are now a sewer person.

I have some sneakers I like, and that's about it. And even those sneakers. What would you do for the Wotherspoons? If the Wotherspoons end up in poop, the Wotherspoons are gone. What if you step in poop? I don't know. That's fine. But what if it goes up the side a little bit? I'll probably clean it.

I'll bring it to a cleaner. But Wotherspoons are worth it. That's about it. I value the Wotherspoons over, again,. I'll bring it to a cleaner. But Wotherspoons are worth it. Yeah. That's about it. I value the Wotherspoons over, like, you know, again, like you. If you ask me to pick between my Wotherspoons and John, I'm picking the Wotherspoons. It's fair. I don't fucking hate you for that. It's fine. I just, the girl not getting that is...

I kept being like, when's she going to bring it up? Yeah. When's she going to bring up the fact that it's been... Well, I mean, no offense, but, like, he just doesn't know how to hook up. Like, are you not understanding? Which I guess is nice, though, like, to know, like, if you got a good he just doesn't know how to hook up. Are you not understanding? Which I guess is nice, though, to know. If you've got a good dick game, there's nothing you can do. That's true.

You can eat in the earring and shit it out. Well, I mean, he fucking throws it down. He's going to throw that D, so come on over. I'll put this back in my ear covered in your shit. Yeah, and you've got to recognize that, too. Look, I put it in bleach, but still I'm not looking at ear anymore. I mean, now this guy kind of shot himself in the foot. Obviously, it sounds like he probably got a little nervous,

and he's choking, and he drinks the water. If somehow you do end up in this situation, you got to just not tell her. Like, you got to just swallow that earring. And then when she's like, oh, my God, where's my earring? It's like, oh, I don't know. That's a great idea. I'll help you look through the sheets. Oh, I don't know what happened.

I'm going to poop it out in a couple days. And then when it comes out, you can plant it and be like, look, I found it. Oh, no, I was just going to flush it. But, yeah, I'm not sifting through the poop for your grandma's earrings. But if you wanted to love, if you really like. I mean, it sounds like he's into her. Clearly, he's willing to sift through his own shit, yeah. But, yeah, if you're desperate like that,

yeah, then you just kind of come back and you'll be like, oh, look what I found right here. But boy, oh boy, I don't know what's crazier, the kid who can't hook up without eating earrings, the kid, and then subsequently sifting through his poop, or the girl not seemingly connecting the dots onto what happened to her poop earring. Yeah, she's like, and it turns out he found it.

Well, no, he didn't. He pooped it he knew where it was all along he couldn't even get on a flight because the tsa the little yellow box would have appeared right in this fucking butthole it would have been scanning him boy i got a story for you buddy you hear the guy slap the glove yeah oh you're gonna get get it. Awesome. Thank you. See what else is up there.

Hey guys, he's got a belly like jaws, license plates are coming out. Just slice them open. Just shit falls out. All kinds of stuff. Hey guys, I have a quick question for you. Do you think this is really narcissistic?

So my gym, I go to edge fitness., I'm pretty sure they are nationally known. So they're starting this new thing where they have a selfie room. So basically, I guess it's like a room dedicated in the gym for people to take selfies. A lot of people are mad about it. A lot of people think this is super narcissistic, that it's just making people more cocky when they go to take selfies. A lot of people are mad about it. A lot of people think this is super narcissistic. That's just making people more cocky when they go to the gym. What do you guys think? Thanks.

John, you're the gym guy. I mean, it's, yeah, it's narcissistic, but I don't think narcissism applies in the gym because you're amongst narcissists. I was going to say, I think it applies, but I think it's fair game. Yeah. Everyone's narcissistic. Everyone was going to say, I think it applies, but I think it's fair game. Yeah. Everyone's narcissistic.

I think it just doesn't. Everyone is there trying to look good. Yeah, and everyone in the gym, like, I'll always, I've always said my biggest super skill is I can turn any window into a mirror. I'm just, I'm incredible at it. I'm so good at just walking by. I'll walk by, like, the toaster, a little stainless steel reflection. It's a little bit warped, but I'm. I'll pop by the toaster. A little stainless steel reflection. It's a little bit warped, but I'm...

Fiat, moving at a good click. And I'll still be able to get a good full body shot of myself. Again, this doesn't make any sense. A full body shot. It still doesn't make any sense. I'm such a conundrum. I really don't like what I see, but I have to see it. It makes no sense.

It's called the masochist. But even I'm in the gym, I'll try and be sly about it, but I'll walk by and I'll flex a tricep or something. You shouldn't even be sly about it because everybody's doing it. I actually think it's a great idea if what it should be is like a very nice mirror, a kind mirror. Yeah. Maybe just a subtle.

But that should be every mirror in the gym. Yeah, agreed. A whole gym should be a selfie room. Just like a fun house mirror, but not too exaggerated. Just a little bit long and thin so everybody looks a little bit better, you know? It's so weird because you see people in the gym too and you're like, I'll catch a guy like fucking flexing his calves in the mirror. I'll be like, you fucking loser.

Then 30 seconds later, I'll be like, how about that? Top that tri. How about that tricep, that little horseshoe? What's up? Oh, dude. then 30 seconds later i'll be like how about that tricep a little horseshoe but i feel like it's weird like everybody people like lift up their shirts and shit like that and you're like what a dork and you're doing the same thing moments later i mean the only i think it's a good idea for everybody because like what what keeps you going back to the gym is results so like if you can again if the lighting is good in the selfie room and the mirrors are good and people think it's working that's good for business yeah it's good for you the person working out you feel better about yourself your confidence is high

the gym's gonna like you're gonna keep coming back you're gonna keep paying that membership i think it needs to be a little bit deceiving but i think it's a good idea to just be like yeah all you fucking superficial you know materialistic ass Let's go. Every mirror in the world should be like, why do they make bad mirrors? Yeah. I don't like that's the worst part about traveling. You go into a hotel. You're like, what the fuck is this? I'm like a Walmart lighting in the bathroom here.

Yeah. It's just a fighting man. It's like, what the fuck is this? Do give me like a good there. I have my mirror at home that I have a relationship with and I'm comfortable with it. And I know like it's going to be good to me. And I don't like that. That's the one thing I hate the most about traveling. I don't have that mirror anymore. Yo, can I tell you something?

Our new guy, Logan, is officially our picture taker. And I got a relationship with him now. I mean, I don't know whether it's his iPhone 10. I don't know whether it's the filters he hits it with or just the kind gentle way his hands hold that phone. I don't know what

he does but every picture he's taking of me i'm like did you facetune me did you photoshop this like i'm i'm happy with this picture he's like nah man i just just a little bit of a filter i was like you are the official picture taker he took that picture of nate too where nate looks sexy yeah yeah with the flowers yeah it's like nate trying to get fucked out here and like someone's gonna actually do it because logan's out here putting up big-time, like, Pulitzer pictures. He is better than a forgiving mirror. He's a forgiving photographer. Well, a photographer says more about—a photograph says more about the photographer than the subject.

Than the subject, yeah. And Logan is 10 out of 10. Yeah. Hey, what's up, guys? First off, just want to say thanks because you keep me from driving into oncoming traffic on my way to my shitty fucking job. Hey, saving lives. Second, got a question for you. May not be the best for you two because you're a pair of degenerates with no shame.

Rude. But what's the worst possible situation for your friends and family to find you dead in? My friends and I were talking about it. We were talking about David Carradine, you know, autoerotic asphyxiation, found him tied up in a gimp suit hanging from a belt around his neck in a closet in Thailand, something like that. What's worse than that? That's a pretty bad situation. I wanted to know what you guys thought. Viva. Yeah, I mean, the obvious automatic answer is we've talked about it before, how, you know, the general public will be like like clear my internet browser because they don't want people seeing that uh we talked about you know there was a story of the of uh was it your friend or is just someone we came across who had like a the blow-up doll chopped up uh it was a

friend uh a good guy he did construction with right he had a blow-up doll and he was like chop it up into a million pieces if i die and no no he did that he did he did it because he was trying to sleep and he couldn't fall asleep at night knowing that if he died in his sleep, that would be discovered. So first he deflated it. First he took it in the shower and cleaned it out.

Then he deflated it, folded it up, and then he's like, wait, they're going to find it folded. So then he cut it into bunch of pieces and put it in different trash cans. I mean, that is some true, like that guy's a serial killer.

He's got all, like there's only, the next step is to do all those things you just did to humans. You fuck it, you shower it, you foot, you hide it in a closet and then eventually you chop it up.

All of those things are what you do to humans when you're a serial killer. Uh, the David Carradine is, you know, the most morbid and vulgar and gruesome thought, you know, you're hanging,

hanging in a closet with like your dick in your hand. That happened in my high your hand that happened in my high school it happened in my high school it was it was after i i left already um and it was a freshman who i think he was from colorado or something like that and like someone had tried like one of the house parents like tried to get into his room because he'd missed a bunch of classes that day and like the door was heavy to open because he was hanging on the back of it and it was like was he like they knew it was jerking off it wasn't like i think i think like i said i wasn't at school anymore so i wasn't as in touch with the gossip but i'd only i'd only just graduated i think i was a freshman

in college and uh it was the story that had gotten back to me Was that pants were around the ankles I mean And on top of it all You know what maybe they weren't I forget because the school didn't have A funeral for them Because it's a very catholic school That's fucked up

The catholics are fucked I think they considered it a suicide So if you kill yourself you can can't get a Catholic funeral. I mean, that's just fucked. Even the suicide rule is fucked. And then to apply that rule to this kid, it was just, you just jerked off too hard. Maybe the pants on the ankles were just a rumor

and it was actually a suicide or something like that. I don't know. But yeah, that definitely happened. I mean, here's the thing with that. You've always said, you don't even get out the lotion. You just dry hump yourself until you come. I'll just find someone to choke me. And here's the thing with that. Like, you've always said, you don't even get out the lotion. No. You know, you just dry hump yourself until you come. I'll just find someone to choke me.

I'll just get a hugger and choke me. Yeah. I don't know. Just sit there with your own hand. I don't even like it. But, like, if I was going to do it, I'd probably do that. To, like, rigmarole a fucking thing and throw it over the top of a pipe or a door and then to hook yourself into it by the time you did all that i could have come thrice yeah man i couldn't even i couldn't even whip

up a bowl of paper mache to put my dick in without going soft this guy's gotta rig up a whole noose like the gallows you gotta get a gallows in your dorm room that's crazy so i think that is probably the gold standard but there was there was one story man this is one of my favorite blogs i ever wrote this is seven years ago i forget exactly what happened i know there was a gimp suit involved oh no a dildo in the mouth and a dead body and a bear where was the bear i don't know how the bear came into play. Where was the bear? There was absolutely a bear involved. And it was like, it was just like. Like a teddy bear?

No, like a bear. It was like a living bear. It was like a cabin in the woods. Maybe there was just a bear found by the dead body, something like that. It wasn't actually incorporated into the sex act. But basically the dude had been tied up and like wanted to get like face fucked. It was a dude. Wanted to get like face fucked with a dildo.

And the person, the person like just just once they, once the guy died, he just left it there. Like the body and the dildo. And I remember my whole blog was like, dude, what kind of friend is this? Like you can't even fucking take the dildo out of my mouth. Like, dude, I'm getting found like this and you can't even take a dildo out of my esophagus for me. I would think, uh, would you rather die? Would you rather be found with a dildo in your butt or your mouth i think but me too yeah

because at least there's like some sort of like sexual gratification there like oh are you saying there's the prostate and people are into butt stuff a goddamn dick down your throat is just like not good not a good look i i get so mad that in pornos like when like that there if like a chick's blowing a dildo i'm'm like, why are you doing that? It does nothing for me. There's nothing for the dildo. You know what I, you know what I can get down with? Uh, when they blow a double-sided one, you ever see that?

Uh, yes. That's cool. And they meet in the middle. It's like a lady in the tramp. If he's ever seen that, he was going to be like, no, I guess I have to check that out. But he just said, he just said it isn't like that. I mean, there's, I mean, I don't, I don't hate it. I'm I have to check that out. But he just said it isn't like that. I mean, there's – I mean, I don't hate it.

I'm going to turn off the video. No, but I mean, like, I got that one on deck. Like, there's a compilation. Really? Yeah, it's like a long-ass one. It's called Double-Sided Compilation. I don't think I would do it for me. And it's just a whole – it's a whole compilation of these chicks just meeting in the middle.

And I get down with that because that's like a circus act. That's like a cool thing. I'm like, wow, that's something I'd like to see live. But I, again, I won't turn off the video,

but I won't watch a compilation of that. You know, I'll, I'll like, well, that can be an aspect because sometimes it's so big and I'm like, no, they're not going to be in the middle.

And they go and it's like Pac-Man, they go closer and closer. I'm like, no, they're not going to do it. Oh, they did it. Yeah.

I mean, that would be bad. If you, if you were dead with, are closer. I'm like, no, they're not going to die. Oh, they did it! Yay! Met in the middle! Yeah! I mean, that would be bad if you were dead with... If there were two dead bodies and they met in the middle. Like, and they were on their knees and their, like, foreheads are touching. They're going to pull you apart and they're like, holy shit! He's going! Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. That'd be a tough one.

I mean, anything... It's pretty much all, like... I mean, you know, Elvis on the toilet, that ain't great. If you had, like, a bowl full of poop, that's pretty much all like, I mean, you know, Elvis on the toilet. That ain't great. If you had like a bowl full of poop, that's pretty degrading. I'm trying to think of like, forget about porn. What if like, what could be on your webs on your computer? Like, what could you be searching that's like worse than porn? You know, like, what's your most like Craigslist personals, but those aren't around.

But even that's all like sexual related. I was just doing it as a a joke i thought it was funny like something that's more like emasculating than like there's nothing for me like i know these questions for me there's just nothing like there's nothing i don't think there's anything on my computer that will surprise you no but like let's say you had you know what if you just were like um like you were dead and like the google search was like rash on your testicles or something like that where it's like yeah no john died and also he's got something going on his balls yeah like well again would it surprise you would it be like you'd be like ah yeah that's john just a little jock it'll just there goes jock it's john put that on his tombstone

because he won't fucking care we'll even have a tombstone or will he just be in the sewer? Just throw me on the trash. I don't do that. Don't care. Last voicemail of the day is brought to you by Tommy John. I've been rocking the Tommy John boxer briefs. They're so comfortable. They are.

I know we talk about it a lot. So comfortable. They really are so incredible. But they are great, great dick boxers. Oh, and that's the number one thing. They got the pouch and they got the fly. And then if you're ever doing the tuck, the waistband tuck, I mean, my dick just looks huge in these things.

I don't do the tuck anymore. I haven't done the tuck in forever. What do you mean? I guess I don't get boners in public. I was going to say, that means you just haven't been hard in public because otherwise if you got a boner in public right now would you just walk around with the tent no no no

you're not pronouncing the way spent talk you just haven't done it recently do not like act like you're above the talk or something no no no not at all I'm just saying I haven't found myself in that situation maybe on the plane I think on the plane I got a boner because I was like you know when you get that half sleep stage you get boners a lot?

Yeah. Well, it's because you're like, you know, probably dreaming about it. Yeah. And I just like, I'm just going to get my hand over it. That's the only boner you've had in public? Go to 4hims.com slash KFC. Get that dick up, bro. I can't think of another time when I had it recently, no.

Well, let me tell you. If you ever get your dick hard again, you impotent little bitch, do it in a pair of Tommy John boxers because I was kind of looking at my dick in my boxers. I was like, this is great. I'm feeling good about myself. Very nice. They got 21st century clothing comfort that's redefined what comfort even means. They have fit and functionality.

It never bunches up. The waistband never rolls down. They got the pouch. Your dick will look good. They're soft. They're stretchy. You almost forget you're wearing underwear when you put them on. It's like, am I commando or not?

I can't even remember if I have underwear on. And they've got t-shirts that are like the same sort of material. They got loungewear. Now they got new, they got women's too, which I'm like, I'm wondering, like, I actually want to take a look at that. Are they like Tommy John thongs or are they like Tommy John like underwear for chicks? Either way, get

you in a way. I'm going to put a pair on. Yo, that's the next step for the beta boys. John's going to start wearing thongs. I mean, I've said I jokingly do it all the time. Yeah, that was so weird. Jokingly. Like I come out, come out of the closet in your underwear. Gets a good laugh every fucking time.

Come out of the closet in your underwear. That's great stuff. Yeah, I would imagine John's one step away from wearing a Tommy John thong. The only thing more comfortable than your Tommy John boxers is your Tommy John women's thong. I'll give it away. Go to TommyJohn.com slash KFC. Get 20% off your first order. That's TommyJohn.com slash KFC.

Last voicemail. What do we got?com slash KFC. Get 20% off your first order. That's TommyJohn.com slash KFC. Last voicemail. What do we got? Hi, KFC. Fight. Super producer. So I have a quick question. Forgot the BC there. Fuck it.

I have this manager. I work at a head shop. Just a little backstory. So we sell bongs and whatnot. So it's not super professional but i have this manager who is super into snm she consistently shows me her bruises from her quote-unquote sessions super into sex um anytime i mention anything about my sex life she degrades me and tells me you know I'm not doing anything right I have a great sex life but um she is pretty degrading

she tells me all the things I'm doing wrong what the man is doing wrong all these things i was just wondering what your opinion is on those sort of things what i can do and um how to just shut her up basically nothing worse to me than like the sex hard-o it's almost like the drinking hard-o it's like why do you care what kind of sex i'm having right like you can do your freaky shit you can do your snm bdsm shit uh you can you know and if i want to just have missionary sex through a sheet you leave me alone look if i wouldn't i i've come at like an outrageous rate throughout my life i am batting now i'm not batting a thousand i'll admit that i'm not batting a thousand but i've i'm 99 i'm pretty goddamn up there yeah i know

how to come don't i'm one of the best comers in the world utah like my success rate through the fucking super high super high so it's probably a little less for her but like i don't know i i i i go back and forth because like look i'll listen to tips but don't insult me yeah don't tell me what i have to do give me an idea of maybe what i could do don't tell me what i'm doing wrong what the guy's doing wrong oh and you know it's like it's i'm almost i also think like uh be about it don't talk about it it's like the person the person the girl that you know who's like talking the most about how much she fucks probably doesn't fuck well she's got bruises she's probably fucking yeah i Yeah, I hear you. But like, I'm just saying,

you know, people who run their mouth in anything in life, sex or otherwise, it's, you know, if you're talking that much about it, I think you can, it's the quiet ones

where they're really getting down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? That's what they always say, you know, the schoolgirls. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. So,

different strokes for different folks. You want to get beat up in bed? You do you. But if you want to have some, you know, quiet, i'm not gonna knock you it's like i want to drink an espresso martini you can drink like your warm whiskey and be a tough guy i'll do whatever i want in bed and i'll do whatever i want at the bar and why do you even fucking care if you want to be a tough guy though they just watch a porn they watch like a fucking brutal porn and then just

explain that there tomorrow oh. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, you could lie. This is lying. I mean, lying, again. Pretty up there. Yeah, I mean, that would be funny, too. You're like, just to see how much that escalates. Well, he pissed on me last night.

How about that? He had this massive dick, and I was just gaping. And this gave me the biggest facial. You start dropping the G word on that bitch. She'll fucking shut her mouth real quick. Squirting everywhere it was crazy he had his belt it's kid and hanging on the back of the door he died last night yeah he just died actually he's fucking dead they killed him it was just a kid we she's brought this kid

and he was autoerotic asphyxiation himself and like we just let him die i actually got to get out of work a little early today i I got to dispose of the body. He's dead. You ever kill a man during sex? No. But pipe down. He's back there watching. I'm like, yes, yes, yes.

And he fucking comes everywhere and then dies. Okay, you win. You win. Now, anyway, go sell that bong Thank you. Bye.