KFC Radio - KFC RadioJerry Seinfeld Apologized to Nikki Glaser for The Seinfeld Finale - Full Episode: Tue Jan 3, 2023

Episode Date: January 3, 2023

Nikki Glaser joins us for the full episode today. Her and the guys cover a wide range of topics from Meeting Jerry Seinfeld, to Taylor Swift, to Manifesting/Soulmates, and topics that should have contributed to the SUI Jar. ++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 00:00:00 Meeting Fans 00:07:28 Nikki met Jerry Seinfeld 00:11:29 People are too sensitive around comedy 00:18:47 Manifesting 00:23:08 Soulmates 00:34:47 Turned on by BF with other girls 00:44:22 Fighting with significant others 00:50:42 Depression and curing depression 01:06:28 Taylor's Midnights Album Favorites 01:19:39 Going separate ways with Andrew CollinYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. That's another thing that keeps me alive. It's like, I don't want to miss another album. I really... And this tour, like, things like that to look forward to. And, like, you know, that's the stuff that you have to focus on. But, yeah, I really do go, like, when she announced that she was coming out with midnights i was like i guess i gotta last till october 28th You can't script it.

I follow you, right? I would know. But, like... I can't. I'm so crazy. I watch everything, like, all of your stuff. Nikki, I literally was, like, okay. I unsent a bunch of DMs because I was getting so embarrassed.

How are we going to follow this? You're so crazy. I can't unsend like yours so like yours is fun to know. Oh my god. I was like, oh I should have done that.

That makes me crazier. I really meant to follow because I'm very aware of you. No. It's just that I'm like, oh, I do. No. It's so nice meeting you.

I'm a huge fan. I'm sorry I got spray tanned on your... No, I'm happy you did. I'm so happy. You did. You are so nice. I want the rest of you with me. No, Nikki, like, I'm happy you did. I'm happy you did. You did. You are so nice. I want the rest of you with me.

No, Nikki, like, I was so nervous. I was so nervous and I had to pee because I was so nervous about you. But I couldn't leave because of freedom. What the fuck? What the fuck? Seriously, my dream is for girls like you to like me. So, like, mission accomplished. I've been talking about you all morning.

You guys hear this shit have a great show you guys thank you how are we gonna follow that I don't know what the fuck Jesus Christ that was so nice

that really is the goal look at that shark that's a great shark it really is it's worth the oh god it's free it's worth oh thank you man

oh my god yeah I love seeing your stuff you have the cardigan my sister had that made for me really that's a one on one oh my god wait but Yeah, I love seeing your stuff. You have the cardigan. My sister had that made for me. Really? That's a one-on-one. Oh, because you couldn't. Oh, my God.

But wait, why not just buy the one? It's probably more well-made. Because you didn't want a child to make it? There are little stars on it and stuff like that. I don't care for the stars. Right, you just wanted, okay. I just want the cardigan. I never got one.

No. Because I saw people getting one, like celebrities getting the package with it in it and like some a lot of celebrities were just getting the cardigan as like a promotional thing oh really and so then I was like I'm gonna wait for my own from her and it never arrived so now I'm kind of like and then I see them on Poshmark for like you know a thousand dollars I'm like but I will get how much they run dude get collect your Taylor Swift merchandise. That sounds low to me. I know, but it's like, collect, just buy all Taylor Swift merchandise you can. Buy everything Taylor you can. I think she's going to run the world.

Who was the guy who was saying he bought two tickets for MetLife for an Eros tour, and then he's like, and then I got 16 others, and I'm going to put my daughter through college on those. Yeah, I saw that. I just got offered, a fan was like, I have two tickets if you want them. Like, how much do you think I should add? Like, I feel bad, but like I paid this. And I go, literally, whatever you want.

Like, I'll bet. And she goes, $10,000 for two? And I go, I didn't mean whatever. Not that. And then I seriously considered it. No, not that. I don't know. Is it like half a nose job or the night of my life?

I think it was like a fucking frenzy when they first went on sale. I think when the time comes, there'll be like reasonable prices. You need to use like StubHub? You got a guy. I was going to say, I'm stunned you're not even like backstage or something. I just got word last night that I'm getting hooked up through taylor's thing which i'm so glad to find i'm i wasn't at all yeah i met her in 2012 or 13 at the red tour but i wasn't that's what i met her too you did i mean i like i met her like in a meet and greet line not like oh right yeah like

it was so nice and made you feel she i've told this story numerous times where i'm in i'm in front and like the meet and greet Like a regular person meet and greet kind of deal And um The security guard goes you gonna hug her And I was like no no no I promise no And this was before her like the lawsuit

With the meet and greet stuff And I was like no I'm not gonna And he's like no man hug her She's a hugger And I was like I feel, I'm not going to. And he's like, no, man, hug her. She's a hugger. He's like, she's exactly what he said. He goes, she's a hugger. And I was like, I feel like you are setting me up. Like, you're just looking for a little tackle dummy right now. So I actually ended up being so much weirder.

We're like, I kind of crept up like this. Like, are you going to give a hug? And she was like, hi. And she came in big. But I was very like T-Rex arms with it I'm the same way with her I don't want to meet her now Because I just feel like

Whenever I meet a fan And they start crying or they freak out It's a lot of energy to calm them down And to make them feel okay about it And I can do Oh my god that's you meeting her She probably thought you were Ed Sheeran. She's like, you're my opening act.

He was opening. I'm so proud of you for not doing hover hand, too. You just did a fucking arm around. I had the, you're taking a picture. I think hover hand, if we're going in, if the person you're taking a meet and greet pic with puts their arm around you, you can put your hand on them in a reasonable place. Don't grab her ass. Don't do the brace

with Ariana Grande thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or don't do the thing, this is the thing they do where they, after the picture, they'll do this. Rub kind of down.

And then they just let it kind of float down and graze. And it's enough that you can't call it out because they'd go, what? Yeah, I didn't do anything. It was gravity.

Just my hand. But then- It's like you're contacting my butt. Yeah. So whatever it was, fix that. But I don't want to meet her because I just feel like it's just going to be too much for her to be like, it's okay. And I'm going to be like, but you don't understand.

That interaction was fucking insane. But that interaction with Caroline was like, I can handle that because I don't get that that much. So like that once a week or like once every meet and greet, I'm like, I love when girls cry and feel that way because they always just say to me, because they know how much I love Taylor Swift. They're like, you're my Taylor Swift and I just get it. And I go like, I can handle that once or twice,

a meet and greet, but Taylor Swift, it's like constantly. And it's just too- Taylor Swift's everyone's Taylor Swift. I'm not going to say anything that she hasn't heard that someone else hasn't expressed to her. And I just feel like it would be too much of her energy exerted to calm me down and to make me feel okay about how much I'm freaking out

that she should put into a song. You don't think you could play it cool at all? I wouldn't want to because it's like she's given me so much authenticity. I wouldn't want to be like oh hey, I'm Nikki. What's your name? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would love to try to do that to her and see if she would be affected.

Do you think anybody out there is ever like for you? If you did it to Taylor, she'd be like, that's the biggest fucking loser in her life. Yeah. Because they know exactly who I am. That's what I mean. Like, is there anybody, maybe like a dad or like somebody older? I don't think so. Who are you?

I think. Like, I don't know. I don't think my dad would know. No. Really? Your dad wouldn't know Taylor Swift? I almost guarantee it. Is he no longer with

us in terms of like um being connected to the world yeah basically that's kind of fun do you ever give him like quizzes about like just people actually maybe i'm wrong because he started to listen to our podcast so the only thing he would know would be us which is funny but like i don't know placement. She was in here last week. She's like, if you ever take that down, I'll fucking kill you. It's the best. It's every single episode. You have that behind you.

I love her so much. I was like, we can never move that now. I don't know if it was going to be a permanent thing. And once Camille was like, don't you dare move that. It's a permanent thing now. I met Jerry Seinfeld this past weekend. I heard. I heard it was not only just meeting.

It was like a big patio. Which I didn't expect. And I'm not bringing that up just to say that. But he is a huge fan of mine. And it was not only just meeting. It was like a big fan of you. Which I didn't expect. And I'm not bringing that up just to say that, but he is a huge fan of mine. It was a real thing. You're totally just bringing it up to say. You literally brought it up out of nowhere. And it's totally okay. It was more about the, like, I didn't want to, because they were like, we were both playing at the Borgata.

He was doing a bigger room, obviously. And they were like, my tour manager was like, if you could meet Jared, do you want to? And I was like, I don't want to bother. Like, again, I love him too much. It's going to be too much of a meeting. You don't know what it means to me. And he's openly a little bit of a dick when he's like, he's like clowned fans before.

The Kesha thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to be Kesha. I forgot about that. I don't need this. And he was right in that moment. And I think she's even coming out as like, that was really gross of me. So I didn't want to meet him.

And then I heard that he wanted to meet me. And I was like, I mean, of course then. And I'm like, right away. And so we go to meet him. But he was, I felt the same way walking into that. Like, what am I going to say that he hasn't heard? How can I impress him? Or like, how do I get through to him to let him know that it's not just like

Talk that I really like loved him more like he formed. Well, how about this? What's something that somebody could say to you that would get that point across? So would it be like a reference from your old comedy? Would it be a reference? Um, you know when people say to me, um when girl when women or men it's usually like older people like people that are older than me are just like you just keep doing what you're doing keep talking the truth like keep being honest

like that's the kind of thing that gets because I go because that's that's all I want to do like it makes me feel like they know me when they're like

you speak the truth like keep going like keep don't let the and then it makes me realize like oh there's lots of hate that's what I hate when they say that

like don't let the haters get to your works like I don't even know about it. I don't know about it either. You didn't have to take the curtain off. Like, I have a pretty separation church and state. And say, like, I don't really understand it, man, but I love you. Like, I don't get why everybody else does it, but I'm totally, like, a huge fan.

I'm like, there was just no need for that first half of the sentence. Yes. No need. I know you think you're doing something nice, but you're not. Hottest comedian like you know contest on Reddit in like the stand-up comedy thing.

I'm sure that wasn't real toxic. Exactly. Reddit plus comedy plus a hot whore. You're in the finals and kept sending it to me and I'm like I don't want to know this.

Like it's just I don't want to But hey, finals. Let's go. Me and Sarah Silverman. I mean I was like I'm happy to take second place

in that. But no I just but at the same time, when I was talking to Jerry backstage and we were talking about how the finale of his show, he, I told this story just to kind of, I felt like, oh, this story kind of encapsulates how much I love Seinfeld. I was like, in eighth grade, my algebra teacher

let me have, Friday was supposed to be our test for the end of the year or whatever, and Seinfeld was airing their finale on Thursday, and I didn't I couldn't do anything that night. It was about Seinfeld for me, and he knew how important it was for me, so he said, you can take the test on Monday. That's a good story. That's something I think we get through to Jerry.

That's how much I, in eighth grade, a girl in eighth grade loves Seinfeld that much. So I go, I told him, he goes, well, I'm sorry about the finale and how bad it was. And I go, no, I loved it. I never had a problem with the finale. People hated it because it was a departure from. Wait, what did he, so he agrees that it was bad? No, he just goes, I'm sorry, because he's heard so much.

And then we were talking about it and he said the reason that he did that episode, which if you remember, it was like, they are making fun of a fat guy and then he gets robbed. Good Samaritan Law. Yeah, Good Samaritan Law and then they all go to prison, right? But it allowed every single person to come back Yes, but what he was doing with that was listening to the critics because the critics constantly were doing all these pieces about the end of

Seinfeld and how these are bad people. It's a show about people who are selfish and who are bad and he listened to that and he goes, well then if they're bad people, there needs to be redemption. We need to punish them. And so he wrote this whole finale based on what critics were saying.

When he looks back and he goes, really, they're just people. Comedy is selfish. There was no need to punish them. I hate that. We actually kind of talked about this recently with The Office, with Mindy Kaling when she was out promoting

Sex Lives as a College Girl Season 2. She said with The Office, with Mindy Kaling when she was out promoting Sex, Lies, and College Girls Season 2. She said that The Office could never work today because everyone – Oh, I heard your take on this and I loved it. Everyone is so toxic and, like, they'd all be canceled. And I was like, they're all just fucking regular-ass people. Yeah. And same thing with Seinfeld. Like, they're not assholes.

They have assholery moments. It's comedy. Very largely there's regular – It should be kind of teetering on that line of cancelability. But we've also hit this stage in the world where everything is bigger than what it is, if that makes sense. I was reading a thread today about why don't we know where Wayne Industries gets their money from? Because they might be the problem, too. In Batman?

It's a fucking story. Oh, yeah. What are you talking about? It's like we don't even know. It's the Joker's right. It's like we don't even know where Wayne Pharmaceuticals gets their money.

Wayne Pharmaceuticals could be like, and I was like, what the fuck are you talking? You don't have to make fiction non-fiction. I love bad people. Batman's never made

a statement on 9-11. He didn't have a part to do with it probably. Maybe Batman was behind 9-11. You didn't have a part to do with it probably maybe maybe Batman was behind 9-11 you ever think about that ever think about that it is like it's it's funny to me that you can get canceled for saying jokes that if you wrote like I will I constantly am watching Veep I it's kind of my boyfriend and I call it a golden gate bridge show that as soon as you end it you start finishing it again you You start again. You're constantly painting the bridge.

The thing with HBO Max too is that it doesn't stop. So you just wake up and it's just on again. It's the best and the jokes are so horrific. I mean like the things they joke about everything. I mean, but if you were to say that as like a comedian you would get cancelled for any of those jokes that they say

on there. But because they're characters that are awful you get away with it. But someone had to think it i was gonna say that's all right that's somebody a real human thought that was funny i have recently like on stage just been kind of you know after you've been doing it so long you're like what do i want to talk about and i'm just like i just want to be really honest with my thoughts because my thoughts i can't help my thoughts you know like i can't help some of the dark shit I think of. And I don't like it. So I think I want to cancel my dark thoughts. But the fact that I'm, there's no thought, there's no thought place.

There's about to, like they're trying to make it that. But like the things I'm thinking, like I talk about, like one of the first jokes I wrote, because I remember when I first started writing comedy, I was like, oh, that moment stands out to me as like a sick moment in my life. When I was in like sixth or seventh grade, maybe fifth, JonBenét Ramsey, you know,

when that happened, I remember my first reaction because she was so pretty was good. Like that was, and for so long, I couldn't do that joke, but it's not a joke.

Another one down that I don't have to compete with. But the thing is, the truth of that is like, it's true. That's funny. And every girl knows that feeling of like a pretty girl and you're like kind of wanting something bad. Like, you know, of that jealousy.

And I think that watching Bill Burr recently has inspired me. He did this one joke about how everyone's like so into body positivity and like, Lizzo, go girl. And it's like, because you're not threatened by them. Like this whole thing. And even though that I do believe in body positivity and like, Lizzo, go girl. And it's like, cause you're not threatened by them. Like this whole thing. And even though that I do believe in body positivity, I love that they love their bodies. There is some, there's so much truth to that and you can't get mad about it.

And I just, I think now I'm just like, okay, I'm just going to share like my darkest thoughts because I can't help them. I don't like, like that. I have them. I'm going to say you're not like standing by like digging, like digging your, your heels in. Like we should kill pretty women. No, it's just like that I have them. I'm trying to fight my- You're not like standing by, like digging your heels in by a tape. Like we should kill pretty women. No, I'm like-

My brain's a little fucked up. There's a part of my brain that gets a little happy when something tragic befalls a beautiful girl. Seventh grade, eighth grade, whatever grade. 2001. Young John Feidelberg was sitting there being like, if they get another one, we might get a week off. We're not going back to school until October, bro.

If those motherfuckers get a fucking 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, I am going to be sitting pretty until summer, bro. Thank you. It's like, how is it? I've sat on that for a long time. Thank you. Let's all air something. There's been times where, I think some comic had a joke about like, when there's shootings and you hear the number

and you go, what's that? Or like, you know what I'm saying? Why would we want, I don't want more people to die. I know that about myself, but there's a secret part of me that I don't know what it is. It's sick, but I think we have to air those things out to like, first of all, because everyone feels that way. Well, they don't admit it.

They never admit it. People who get upset are, like, they just are not being realistic with themselves. It's like, sometimes you have some dark thoughts. Sometimes you laugh at things that you shouldn't laugh at, and that's okay. That's fucking part of being life. I've been talking about, like, wanting to kill myself a lot on stage, because

it's like I have those thoughts. Yeah. All the time. And we're doing quite well. Yeah. There's no reason I should want to kill myself. I'm worried about everyone at home.

Like I'm like successful. I don't have kids. I don't have a husband. Like I have I'm pretty free and I have a good career and life and friends and my family is all like and I think about killing myself. It's like that's fucked up, but it's so free to share it, because I always used to think that if I shared that,

people wouldn't give me work, because they'd be like, she's liability. But really. Imagine that. Damn it, we were going to go to season two, but she's dead. She killed herself. No, they know it'd be good for ratings.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're probably hoping every day. They saw how the Dark Knight was received. You'd be winning awards left and right, girl. Yes. You've got to fake your own death to get that level. Oh, I'm going to be so famous posthumously. That's when it's really going to hit.

You've got to die young to really feel. For real. For real. It's like, ah, the clock's ticking. I know. I'm getting to the point where if I die, it'll just be like, well Well it's a little bit early I know

It's not tragedy It's not gonna be No you'd still be tragic We talked about this before What did we declare We like tried to figure out What defines a tragedy I am what I am

Like I'm done So I It's not a tragedy anymore No you'd be tragic For sure It would be a big story Yeah You're young

How old do you think You gotta be For women it's different I think it's 28 No Maybe Bobby Brown's. I think it's 28. Bobby Brown's clear. I think 56.

Sorry to anyone who's over that age. I think if you're in your 50s, it'll garner maybe like a, oh, like he probably had cancer or something. Mike Leach was 61, and I think I saw one person say he was so young. Right. Oh, I wouldn't even say that. I think in your 40s, you've got a four handle. People go, wait, what happened? 50 is like, that sucks, but people die in their 50s. Yes.

But if you're in your 50s and you have young kids, talking to men here, then it's like, their kids were so young. Then that gives you a little boost of sympathy. My dad just turned 68 on Taylor Swift's birthday, actually. Oh, wow. And then he always thought he was going to die at 67. He just always thought that. That is so sad for you.

And then we had like a fake scare where doctors were like, you either have colon cancer or leukemia based on these numbers. You have to come in and get colonoscopy and everything tested out. He was like, I was right. And he was fine the whole time. He was like, I feel fine. What are you talking about? And but he but there was like a week where he was like waiting for shit. And he was like, I always told myself I'm dying at 67 and I think it's here now.

I was like, this is dark, bro. You can manifest that stuff, man. Do you guys believe in that stuff? Like I I'm not someone who is like the secret and all those things or psychics. My friends like it. Astrology. But manifestation, if you think something enough,

it puts it out there. I don't believe in manifestation. I believe that I'm from the future. Just a piece of me is from the future and I have a little part of me that has a little bit of extra knowledge. I'm down with this idea. I'm down with this idea. I'm down with this idea.

I want some sex, baby. I get things where I'm like, there's no way I shouldn't have been able to know that. There's no way I shouldn't have been able to make that happen. So I'm down with this theory of... We just did fucking Secret Santa. And I was like, before we did Secret Santa, I was like, I want this.

Because we had price ranges and people we had to select from. And I was like, I want this person with this price range. He manifested it. And I fucking picked both of them. That's just a coincidence. Well, that's what all manifestation is. No. I've won two Grandfather Clocks. He has won

a lot of weird raffles. Two Grandfather Clocks is pretty fucking bizarre. That is strange. One is strange. Two Grandfather Clocks is... That's what I've won them both at a young age. is pretty fucking bizarre. That is strange. One is strange. Two grandfather clocks is... That's why when I'm both at a young age

that's why I've had such high dreams because I have to have a home one day that can fit two fucking grandfather clocks. Where are those right now? My parents' house.

Okay. So how? Yes. Wow. Do you have both your grandfathers? I need to put those on display.

I have one grandfather. Okay. You have more clocks than grandfathers. You have more grandfathers? I kind of believe in the idea of that we're reincarnated a bunch. And then things like intuition and things like – that's a silly story. But things where it's like you get reincarnated and like a little bit of your past life still sticks with you.

You just don't really know that. I think so, too. So if you're a little like, you know, if you have good intuition or you're just naturally good at this or you know that, it's because, like, in your past lives, you were always – it's like working out. You know, like, you tear your muscles up and then when – Muscle memory.

They put the muscle – like, there's more muscle the next time. It's like every life you have a little bit more knowledge and a little bit more whatever. You know bit more whatever believe in an afterlife more than literally anything i i mean i'm such a skeptic such an like not an atheist but agnostic and like just never believed in ghosts i think i had to convince myself as a kid that ghosts weren't real because otherwise i'd be scared my entire childhood so i just one day was like they're not real right but now i believe i just can't see them i don't have that ability tyler henry do you know that kid he had a netflix show where he like he used to do readings on e it was like tyler tyler henry celebrity medium okay so he was a scam artist no dude he's

not he's this gay kid that like doesn't even want this honestly dude the fact that he's gay kind of makes me like i'm like all you might have something. Gay people can see this. Strength can't be psychic. Fuck that. Dude, the fact that he's gay is far more believable. I'm like, all right. The fact that he doesn't want to be famous. I can tell when people secretly want it.

This kid does not really want these powers. It drains him of energy. But he has a show on Netflix called Afterlife. You're just describing a podcast. He doesn't want to be able to do this. It makes him of energy, but he has a show on Netflix called Afterlife. You're just describing a podcast. He doesn't want to be able to do this. It makes him so tired. It makes him so much money just talking, and he still resents it. Tyler Henry admits it's a little awkward when his boyfriend's dead relatives send him messages.

Oh, my. I'm out on this guy. I'm telling you, just watch it, because I would be out, too. I was out. I remember seeing his stuff on E!, and he was just a psychic for the celebrities, and I was out on this guy. I'm telling you, just watch it because I would be out too. I was out. I remember seeing his stuff on E and he was just a psychic for the celebrities and I was like, this is bullshit. Of course, I don't believe in psychics. This is ridiculous.

But this show, Afterlife, on Netflix, just watch it and tell me what you think because it's the only thing that has ever made me go, there might be something there. Yeah, yeah. Have you ever gotten a psychic reading? I feel like chicks do that. Yeah, I have and I just don't believe any of it. I don't believe any of it, but I'm also like, I don't want to even have it in my head.

Well, maybe. I almost went to go get one because I got here an hour early accidentally, and I was like, okay, I can get a foot rub or a psychic reading, and I was in the middle of the street going, which one? But I was so embarrassed to walk into a psychic place and have anyone see me. I would have loved TMZ. It'd be like walking into the Church of Scientology. Who does she think she believes?

So I went and got a foot rub. But it was – I got a foot reading. But, yeah, I don't believe in that stuff. Do you believe in soulmates? That really bothers me when people go – I don't believe in that. I believe people get lucky and find – there is a best person for you on the globe. Statistically, there's someone there.

Yeah. That is best for you if we ran all the numbers. But it's also like a.0001 better than the other person. Yeah, that's what I mean. Like there's – Yeah, but – There are several people within striking distance of soulmate that kind of disproves the idea right there. Well, I just believe that whoever you end up with is just coincidence.

You might get lucky and meet, let's say, the best person on the globe for you that's living right now and available, which is already just the numbers are so low. And they also happen to be in your vicinity. The vicinity thing is the thing. Whoever you end up with, the luckiest you can get. But that's part of being a soulmate, right? It's like if you were meant, you know, you live on the other side of the globe. It's like if we were meant to be, it would be. But I think your soulmate, like the person who you were meant you know you live on the other side of the globe it's like if we were meant to be you it would be i think your soulmate like the person who's like the best for you you'll never meet them because they're in china probably because that's where

most but also what about the idea like and they don't have the internet if you're into you can't meet them online even let's say you like my soulmates in a uh uger uh concentration camp right now like god what are the what? God, what are the odds? What are the odds? God, that depresses me so much. I hear statistics about like, think how many

Einsteins and like people who could like, just great minds are just like sitting in a factory making little iPhones or like, or buried to some

old man. Can't even kill themselves because they have to put up the suicide fences for them? Yes, yes. Can we not even themselves because they have to put up the suicide fences for him? Yes, yes. Can we not even let Einstein die with dignity?

Yeah. Shut up and make the iPhone. It depresses me so much. What's Einstein's first name? Albert. Albert, yeah, I knew that. Yeah, I knew that. We should have made you guess

and see what you're up with. That would have been fun. I was like the office. Ralph? Don't say it. Ralph Einstein? Let me get a piece of that. Chrysler car.

Is this office quotes? Yeah. What if your soulmate is like everything about their personality, blah, blah, blah, blah, and you're blonde and I'm into brunettes and then there's another person that has exactly the same thing but they're a brunette. Well, then they wouldn't be your soulmate. That's what I mean. So there's one blonde and one brunette

it's like that's really not even a difference you have two soulmates that's insane that you would not like a hair color I get it I think what you would better they might be really fugly like the person whose soul you would connect with most

is just not I'm saying like I mean like the, the looks. Like, because there's so many people and because you can connect to so many things, people get so choosy now because they almost can. So it's like you're my soulmate and it's like, but you dumped me. It's like, well, I could probably go on this app and find someone who's exactly like you and maybe even a little better. So that's my soulmate. It's just with everything in life, I don't want to buy a house because I'm like, what if I find a better place?

I always want to be able to get out of it. And I just like, I feel like that's the- I keep my go bag on me. Yeah. That's why there should be, marriages should be contracts with opt-outs. Every four years- It's called divorce.

No, every four years, both people have to opt in. Yes. And if one opts out, then it's over. I agree, but I feel like like there'd be a lot about i just don't i can't understand i mean i i don't understand when people want to get married i'm just like how could you ever think that this is going to be what you want forever i know it's what i want right now there's been many times i've been like oh yeah this is i this is what i want now but i've lived long enough to know that my taste changed. Or maybe you even want it like for a long time. Yes.

But like for you could like something for 20 years and you're still getting like halfway there if you're talking about regular life. Yes. So like I mean I guess the idea is you find the right person and you grow with them. I'm just amazed by it. I think it's like so admirable to commit to something

that much and to trust yourself and to and to and they a lot of times I ask my friends is like why would you want to get married like I know you love this person but like you're locked in and they just go I know it'll be hard but we'll get like I kind of like committing to something or but people buy houses too and I don't understand that

I'm a really I'm just a commitment phobe across the board I've never described myself as one but like when it comes to push comes to shove that's exactly what I am I would never say I'm a commitment one, but when push comes to shove, that's exactly what I am. I would never say I'm a commitment phobe, but when it comes down to it. I think that that term is like, you're normal.

Yeah. I think it's logical. Yes, logical. We live too long now. Everything else in your life, you want to like, you get to work multiple jobs, and you get to live in multiple places. It's not like you have to do just this one thing once you make one decision at the beginning of your life. Yes.

And it's very weird that we make what's already the hardest thing, relationships, also that much harder. And we make it financial. You have to tie in all your finances to it. And you make it forever. And you make it hard to get out of. When people get married in their 20s, I just go, what are you doing? This is like your...

If it wasn't for a biological clock, I think people would be getting pushed back to like 50. That's the wild thing. I'm coming up to that age where it's like, I got to freeze my eggs by tomorrow for it to eat. Like literally, I'm 38 and a half, and it's like, I've never thought of my life in terms of half birthdays but since my

fertility has become an issue I don't even want kids I don't think I want kids but it's like I but you can't commit to not having kids exactly I know you really might I might change my mind you really might so leave that door open I really believe I would just adopt because I don't really care about being pregnant I don't care about like I think maybe I will

maybe I will you can just go in circles you will. I know why I couldn't adopt. Maybe I will. You can just go in circles with this shit. It's scary. I could never adopt because I couldn't pick. I'd be like... No, they pick for you. They pick for you, yeah. Oh, they just pick...

Yeah, you don't get to go. Unless you're really rich. I wouldn't know. You don't get to pick, like, I want a kid from Africa kind of deal? I think you can pick... You can't do, like, I want a kid from Africa or a kid from fucking... Oh, I think if you pick a kid from Africa, they're like, yeah. Yeah, but, like, that's...

I don't know. I would be like, what if I picked... I think you put it in preferences, probably, and they're like, we'll do our best. See, I couldn't fill out my preferences. I'd be like, should I get a black kid? Right. And then I'd be like, but then people are going to look down on me. That's a good thought we were just talking about. If this is even how it works, I don't know, but it'd be like, white boy.

That feels racist. I'd be like, oh, he like oh that feels racist like oh people he's such a fucking try hard he's like he's adopted a kid from africa yeah i'm like i'm like all right maybe i'm not a puerto rican right in the middle white kid oh yeah me yeah like wondering what people will think that's why i don't commit to shit because then once i commit to things people get to judge those things not on my watch like i hate to get on this whole thing it's nice to be a man but it really is. I would like that.

I would like a little bit more time to figure it out. Oh, it's the best. I realize as a woman, it's the first thing that gets taken from you as you get older. I think the last thing that was taken from me was maybe kids' menus. You grow up and you go, you can't do that anymore. But there's really nothing else that gets taken from you until your fertility. And not only is it the opportunity to have kids. The fact that it goes from no more chicken fingers and grilled cheese to children.

Yes. Crazy, yeah. But it's not even about kids. The kid menu finally gone forever at that point. Yeah, it's just about the timing. Yeah, you can have a kid and you can eat off their chicken. That's how you get it back. That's the second time they take it from you.

Well, you know what? I thought about that recently is every time if I order food from somewhere and I order some food for my kids, they don't, you know, you could just order off the fucking kids menu. You can just pretend like you're getting takeout for your kids. And then no one's ever grilled you on it. They just do it. Yeah. But when I don't have my kids with me, I'm like, I can't do that. It's like, yes, you fucking can.

That's a good, well, you're an honest person then, I guess. Was it Afterlife? The Ricky Gervais show? Yes, yes. When he's with a kid, he's like, he's trying to get a kid's venue thing, and they won't give it to him. He's like, fine, he'll have two sets of chicken fingers. And they're like, you're going to eat those.

He's like, no, I'm not. But fertility is not even about having kids, because on paper that's what it's about. But it's like, even if you are trying to, just even being fertile equals men want to fuck you, and then they give you things. If you are no one, that's what it's about i'm losing i don't care about losing the opportunity to have kids i think that i will always have like at least there's adoption at least there's you know i can be an aunt or whatever but losing the subconscious like when

guys look at you and go I could pass on my seed through her body if you when you lose that you lose something and men never lose that because you guys are stay

I mean your sperm gets slower and stupider and it could be harder the chances go down but you could do it at like 70 you can still do it yeah you can still

have that value to us right mix like 80 yeah well Jennifer Garner is pregnant with twins and she's 48. I do think it's like, I think it's like everything else.

Your life expectancy gets longer and probably fertility gets pushed back and you have more science and all that shit. But. I don't have a kid at 12 anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Right. I mean, really, when you think about it, like, you know, you start your period.

That's when you're like back in the day. That's when you started having kids. Yeah. You're 13. Like, you're good to go. Like, let's do it. That's when you're like back in the day. That's when you started having kids. Yeah. You're 13. Like you're good to go. Like, let's do it. It's like, what? But if that if somehow they unlock that, I think like the whole system falls apart.

To be honest, it's like nobody I think is getting married. Nobody. Because what is hot is what is fertile. Like in terms of women, like hotness is fertility. Do you think that that is subconscious, though? I mean, I have never once been been like that girl looks fertile to me but you think that i'm because like anything those childbearing hips i mean look at camille caustics that is her breasts can definitely feed a baby like in your head but you think that but i'm not thinking that but you think i'm thinking

that it's subconscious like the things you're like rosy cheeks equal like i'm um uh like all the things that happen your body naturally when when you're Ovulating When you're like I'm ready to have a baby Are the things that women Put on like makeup Like bigger eyes Like your eyes get bigger Your lips get like

More vaginal looking Like you get rosier cheeks Really? All these things are like I'm gonna fuck that pussy mouth To send signals It's like baboons presenting Like I can have a baby right now

Like that's what All those things that we do To look hotter And what do guys do? Wide hips Skinnier waist Like all these things And I think guys But we just And what do guys do? Wide hips, skinnier waist, like all these things. And I think guys, but we just know you always are.

I know that dick's in there. Yeah. I know that guy's full of cum. Let's go. Money, like things that, it's about like, can he protect my child and me? Like that's what women are attracted to subconsciously. And men are like, can she have a healthy baby and feed it through, like until it can feed itself? And that's kind of what.

So we're both just so sexist on our core. Yeah, we can't help it. Just incredibly misogynistic. That's another thing. It's like, whatever... What do those milkers do? I don't get mad when guys are attracted to what they're attracted to where you're just like, oh, you don't like that girl because she's a little overweight. It's like, he

can't help it. That's the one thing I don't think people or girls realize. So he has to lie to you? It's like, I love hearing these stories. Like recently I've seen a couple news stories that are women who transitioned to men, to male, who got like testosterone treatments. And now have like testosterone coursing through their veins. And they were like, I'm so sorry. I did not know what this can do to you. Like this is fucking crazy.

And I didn't know you were walking around like thinking this all the time. And it's like, yeah, like I don not know what this can do to you like this is fucking crazy and I didn't know you were walking around like thinking this all the time because and it's like yeah like I don't know I thought I was really into you and then we had sex

and now I'm not that's fucked up but it's also just what happened I used to be so mad at men 24 hours ago I would have told you I fucking love you

and I'm gonna we'll get married one day with them until they love you like for something more than just sexually like that's the key that unlocks it. Yeah but they'll also kick you to the curb if you don't fuck them.

So it's that perfect in between? If you keep Well you gotta blow them a little bit. Yeah you gotta blow them and stuff but if you don't fuck them until you can like know like this guy's not gonna abandon me which you never really know but it's usually like after like a commitment,

then you can kind of assure yourself of that. But I don't get mad when my boyfriend, today he's on a radio show and I was listening to his show yesterday and he was just talking about, he kind of- You got a famous boyfriend? No, he's on a radio show in St. Louis. Not famous, but he's on the most popular radio show

in St. Louis, The Courtney Show. Let's go. And he's great on it. But he was talking about that. You remember the World Cup to Iranian, like that really hot girl? Do I remember? I think about it every day. Yeah.

He mentioned something about her. And I was like, they were just reading tweets that they liked. And it was some tweet about her, like, we'll miss her. And I could tell that he was turned on by her. And he didn't say it, but he was like, I could just tell, he sympathized with the tweet. And I was just like, and it made me so jealous because she looks nothing like me.

And I could tell that he was definitely probably zoomed in on a picture of her at one point. But man, it made me so horny for him. I was just like, I miss you so much. Because I was like, it's a threat. I'm gonna fuck that Iranian girl right out of your head. Yeah. No, I don't know.

I like when I see him. Yeah, but you've always kind of been like that, right? Yes. But it's like the threat. Like, I'm going to lose him to that, so I got to like, oh, yes. And it makes me, I always just get mad when women are like, he's attracted to women. I saw him looking at a girl. It's like, if your boyfriend or husband stops being attracted to other women, he's dying. Yeah, right.

His body's not working. His body is not functioning properly. And then it means he's not attracted to you. Right. No matter what he says. Right. If he's not attracted to that Iranian chick. He's not attracted to you either.

But he doesn't want to marry her necessarily. He doesn't want to have kids with her. It's fine. Bang her behind a dumpster real quick. But it does make – It's the fucker in Qatar. Maybe go to jail her necessarily. He doesn't want to have kids with her. It's fine. He's a banger behind a dumpster real quick. But it does make – Hey, what's the fucker in Qatar? Maybe go to jail for it. I don't know.

He wants to risk life and limb to fuck that girl in a third world country. That's what he wants. But didn't you – correct me if I'm wrong. I feel like you – Yeah, we talked about this before, I think. You dated guys where you like them talking about other girls and shit like that. Yeah, I like that. With my boyfriend, we've been together so long, and he's so loyal.

He would marry me. I'm always like, me? Really? Forever? There's that self-esteem. No, I just am like, it makes me feel like you're not a functioning man then if you don't want to fuck other people. And I would be open to talking about that.

You're not cheating on me? I don't respect you as a man. Not cheating on me, but like go to a strip club, have some fun, like do some stuff, but do some stuff. Like I don't mind,

I've always said this and I, but I don't, I would not care if my boyfriend went on a trip with his friends and like got a blowjob from a girl at like a bar

that he met there. Like I just wouldn't, I wouldn't care as long as it doesn't give me a disease or something. I don't want him to go down on her because he doesn't even do that to me that often. So that would seem like... Dude, but also that's an impossible... Don't watch White Lotus Season 2 finale with her.

Outside of college bars, I don't think people just... Maybe I'm not hanging out in the right bars. I don't know anyone in... I'm 34 now. I'm thinking Nashville. Oh, you mean at the bar? Who's just – and maybe I'm not hanging out in the right bars. I don't know anyone – I'm 34 now. I'm thinking Nashville. Oh, you mean at the bar? Who's just gone, got in there, dick sucked at a bar. Bachelor party. At a bachelor party, you take the girl back to the Airbnb or whatever.

She blows her and then she's gone. Because I've never heard of that happening, of a guy meeting with – that has a girlfriend or a wife that they love, meeting a girl, getting a blowjob, and then at the end of it going, I want to be with i'm going to leave my wife for you that's if you could give me one example of that happening i understand emotional connections can happen and that can lead your guy astray yeah but that means there's something already lacking in your relationship they're not getting enough not that you did

anything wrong they could you know have changed their mind but just a sexual encounter doesn't bother me and it just i don't know i can't explain it Like a true one-off Yeah, well, I mean And it makes him, like, oh, a random girl Just wanted to suck your dick She doesn't even know you Damn, I got that She doesn't know how talented you are

She just saw you Like, that is, like, then you must be a hot guy Yeah, like, I got the pick of the litter Yeah, it makes me, like, oh, good Well, good luck, bitch Like, there was a girl that my boyfriend kissed recently at a thing, and she didn't know that he had a girlfriend. He knew the rules of, like, I don't care what you do.

Have some fun and tell me about it. It was kind of like our thing, and he was gone. He was in Europe. And so he made out with her, I think, and maybe, I don't know what else really exactly. I just didn't care at all. I guest hosted Jimmy Kimmel. And I'm like, hey, let me tell you about Kimmel. He's like, let me tell you about this chick. I think that's also part of... I think mine's bigger. I think that's why this works for you.

You got a lot going for you in your life that is awesome. No, it's not that. I really think if you were just like a regular ass chick and your boyfriend was – because unfortunately for a lot of people, their relationships are defining how happy they are in their lives entirely. I get that. And if your boyfriend is like kissing some chick and you don't have Kimmel the next night. No, it's not about Kimmel. It's not about my fame level. But it's having something.

It's about like I know how good I am in bed. I know how good of a girlfriend I am. I know how fun I am. Like, take away my fame. My boyfriend is not with me because I'm famous. He doesn't give a shit. It really is not about that.

It's the head. It's about like all the, like I am confident in all those things that if there's no girl that he's going to meet in one night that's going to take him

away from that. Sure. But what I didn't like necessarily about it is that she didn't know he had a girlfriend. Like, they didn't – he didn't understand that that's part of it for me is, like, tell her that you have a girlfriend because I want her to know, like, I'm allowing this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have fun.

But you don't get it. I got a queen bitch is saying it's okay. And I also don't want her to go, oh, my God, I love him and, like, think of – Stalk him and fucking, you know. Because I have made out with guys before and been like, he is the one. I met this guy at a concert. It was fate. And I could tell that she probably felt that way because it sounded like a hot interaction.

I was like, oh. So that's kind of like the parameters. I want her to know. Has there ever been any issue because you can keep up with people now on Instagram and follow? No, he's not even on his Instagram. I'm always like, check your DMs. Have girls tried to fuck you in them? I'm always like, I want to know.

And I would be like, good job, girl. Please try to fuck my boyfriend. I would love it. I've had that before in relationships where we got in fights and it's like, what if you came home and I was fucking somebody? And I was like, hmm, I'd whip it out. I don't think I'd care, actually.

That's on you for bringing that up because I actually until you brought it up I never thought about it and now that I'm really thinking about it

I don't think I care which means I think it's time for us to sit down and we have to have a different conversation right now would you watch

your boyfriend fuck somebody else no because I feel like I'd have to like do something and like I would watch from like a closet

or something like she doesn't you're such a creep I would just masturbate in the dark because I feel like I'd have to like do something and like, I would watch from like a closet or something. Like she doesn't. You're such a creep. I would just masturbate in the dark. Cause I feel like then I'd have to like go down on her or something. Somehow I'd be incorporated. And I just want to, I just want to hear about it later. Would you watch your boyfriend sex, like a sex video?

A hundred percent. Like I would love, I mean, I've seen things that when we weren't together, he's like showing me pictures and stuff that like consent it. Like the girl consent, obviously. But, um, yeah, I've seen things that when we weren't together, he's like showing me pictures and stuff that consent it. Like the girl consent, obviously. But yeah, I've seen stuff. And it goes both ways. Like when I've sent him pictures and he's like, you know, I would never show anyone. I'm like, come on.

Like this is the best. This is great. Be a little bit of like one of those guys that like, I don't know, Buffalo Wild Wings while you're watching the game. Just like quickly. I just feel like I wouldn't mind it. I wouldn't mind your friends kind of knowing what you're working with. A couple of guy friends who are just married with kids and live in that very cookie cutter suburban life, whatever. And there's a couple of guys who are still single and they are so thirsty for stories, pictures,

fucking anything, you know? And then what? And then what? And then she went, you know, what did she do? It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I love that stuff too. I think, yeah, I can't, there's been times in my relationship

where it's like really like vanilla and we're not, this is is a rare thing that ever happens. We're pretty like... Good. Yeah, a normal couple. But there are times where you just want to... I always say it's not a two-way street. I don't get to just go off and do stuff,

and he's not turned on by that because that's just not his preference. I have a preference. He doesn't. And I don't really want to. I mean, this is something I beg him to do him to do when he's, like, gone. I'm like, please. Was he like, this is a trap in the beginning?

I think a little bit. But this was, like, maybe eight years ago when it first started. I didn't even know it was a thing that I liked. But it was always just like, and I've talked about this endlessly, so I'm sorry to any listeners who are like, shut up about this. This is the only interesting thing you have to offer. But at the beginning of our relationship, I just found that, for foreplay, I was always like,

tell me about a time you hooked up with someone. I get that, though. I love that stuff. Yeah, you get that. I'm like, don't ever tell me that you even held a guy's hand. Yeah.

He doesn't want to know either. I don't want to hear we're just sitting on the couch eating dinner and you're bringing up other people. No, it has to be a... In the moment...

It's basically, if my dick is hard, you can tell me anything. Yes, yes. And then afterwards, it's like... That's what I found. Erase that from the brain and that's it. Men are like that. I think that it's just very... Yeah, if your dick is hard,

you can get away with a lot more stuff. And things come up that I go, I never knew you would even be into this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he... Sometimes I'll be like... We'll be watching a show and I'll be like... I never knew you would even be into this. And he, like, sometimes I'll be like, we'll be watching a show and I'll be like,

like, I'll kind of hint at who I think is hot by being like, he kind of looks like you. Like, I'll like, just, and then like,

suddenly that guy's name will come up, you know, like in bed. And I'm like, you didn't even, I didn't even have to tell you to do that. You just like put him in bed with us. You're so good at mind reading.

He's very good about that. But I do understand it's not – that's the hardest thing in relationships is that – and I think just being – we're people who like the spotlight. We're selfish. We think like why does everyone think like us? It's just hard. That I think a lot. I don't know about loving the spotlight and all that, but I'm always like, how do you think like us? Like, it's just hard. That I think a lot. I don't know about love in the spotlight and all that,

but I'm always like, how do you not agree with me on this topic? And not even relationships, like everybody. I'm like, I'm pretty sure my answer to everything is logical. Yes. And why don't you guys think like me? Yes. Well, whenever I get a good thing that I've done when I'm fighting with my boyfriend, we're both just, like, not budging.

And I'm like, how can you not see what I'm saying? And, like, I'm fighting with my boyfriend we're both just like not budging and I'm like how can you not see what I'm saying and like I'm so mad at him I just stop for a second I go the one thing we have in common is that we both feel like my rage for him right now I know he feels that for me too so I go like oh I like imagine how mad he is at you think about what you need from him and just give him what you wish he would give you and just even if it's not true you know like you know what i actually i was like shitty back there even like i just cave a little bit just realize that even though the person is seeing not exactly like you're seeing the opposite side of things you're actually have a lot in common you both fucking hate each other it's the same amount and that's something you can empathize with and go oh my god yeah he hates me just as much as i hate him right now like that's

he's thinking about killing me in my in my sleep yeah you start to feel sorry and go wow you're kind of a cunt and like you start to like see his side of it and go and just think of yourself as like the yeah and that has helped me of just like because some one person has to fucking give in eventually always and then usually the other person gives in. And it's like – but that's the hardest thing is one person, when they know they're right, trying to find something that you can be like, you know what? This was wrong, but I shouldn't have said this. And then it can build towards something. But I think I didn't learn that until just recently. I'm very good at submitting when I'm wrong.

Yeah. Like if I – You talk about when you're not. You know guys who are like, I'll never tap. I'm very good at submitting when I'm wrong. Like if like you talk about when you're not. You know guys who are like I'll never tap. The second you get on my throat I'm like. Yeah. You got me. When I know I'm right. Yes. It's the same passion. I'll never forgive you.

I know but just try because like there is always something. You can always find something that you did wrong. It doesn't matter what I can find. I'm right. I know. But it's going to end up in a breakup unless you can get there. Nikki, I don't think you're getting it. I'm right.

That's a good point. I always forget. And you're not going to acquiesce on this, I know. So I'll just sleep on the couch tonight, I guess. The argument is about what the argument's about. I'm right. Yes. Always. Not's about. I'm right. Yes. Always.

Not always. Sometimes I'm wrong. But if I'm right, I'm right. I fucking love being wrong. Don't you love when you realize? Yeah, like when I fucked up and I'm like, I've misbehaved. I've reacted in a way that's embarrassing. And right when you do it, do you ever do something and in the moment you're like oh i'm gonna have to apologize for that like you snap or something like you just do

something ridiculous and then i love when i finally reach that place where i can't apologize because it's just no one expects it people because no one fucking apologizes anymore a sincere apology where you don't have a i just gotta be clear apologies do not have butts there's no i'm sorry i did this but if you're gonna give an apology to your spouse or your girlfriend or boyfriend, just take the butt out. Just only make it about what you did wrong, even though they had so much of a part to play, right? Like, wait for them to come

back with their own, and, cause once you model what it is to apologize, they'll give it back. No one just and, but I do hate when you apologize and a person just keeps going like, yeah, and then you did this and you go I covered that

I did that too I agree with you yeah that was wrong and you just go okay when are they gonna get to their side of it but I love apologizing I love apologizing

but I also I don't like when someone apologizes to me sometimes because I'm like you didn't let me get my pound of flesh yet yeah like you

and that's why I apologize so fast because I'm like sorry sorry sorry I'm an idiot that was my fault and and that's why I apologize so fast. Cause I'm like, I'm like, sorry, sorry, sorry. That was like, I'm an idiot. That was my fault. And then it's like, I almost, I take the rug off money. You don't even get to be mad.

Yes, that's what apologizing is. Like if you reach a point where you were, and don't apologize if you're not sorry. Like you really are embarrassed and you can find a way to be like, and like the best apology is you apologize for the behavior. I, you say, I, if write this down for guys who want or girls who want to apologize to their guys, you apologize for the behavior. You say, write this down for guys or girls who want to apologize to their guys. You apologize for the behavior. You say what you should have done instead.

You say what you're ashamed of what you did. And then you say what you're going to do in the future when the same thing comes up. That sounds a lot. And all you have to say is, I'm working on this. I'm working on having better reactions. That's really the one. I'm a big, look, I've been working on it.

If someone says, what are you working on? You say, I'm looking into maybe starting to meditate. That's really the one. I'm a big, look, I've been working on it. If someone says, what are you working on? Say, I'm looking into maybe starting to meditate. That's an easy answer. And all you have to do is just look at a fucking post from Lewis Howes about meditation. And that's, you're working on it. You did your job. You don't do anything. You just watch a full clip about TikTok about meditation.

I'm a big, I've been working on it guy. I've been working on it. You just got to show what you're going to do next. And that's like. It's such a lie. And that's like, that's like, by working on it, I mean I have Excel open, but I'm really just fucking around on my phone.

I know. Sure, the work's in front of me, but. That's the biggest thing. If you're with someone, and they're not willing, like they feel like they're fully cooked, like I'm done, I like who I am,

and I don't need to change. Because even if you, I want a person to like who they are, but if you think you're done, like growing and learning, and that you are infallible, you're Kanye. yeah you're not you're a sociopath yeah like that if you think that you're better than i mean therapy is not for everyone and i know that so so many people are just like it's bullshit but they're reading a book about you know self-care

i don't know just like these guys mostly men. Listen to a Jordan Peterson podcast. Honestly, there's something somewhere in there that is at least they're attempting something and maybe they'll be steered in another direction. But I just don't understand people who are like, I'm perfect. I don't understand people who could listen to Jordan Peterson and radically change their life. I've never been able to listen to him.

I've just looked at him though and I hate the way he dresses. He has some quips that I kind of go Oh that's right He's a very smart dude Sam Harris is the one He's a good arguer If you're not good at debating And thinking through all this shit

I can't out argue you But I also just know you're a fucking dick I don't know anything about it That's just a name. A buzzword name I know. It started out like I'm speaking for the insecure male, like quiet male who, us. Who is?

Like us. Like the Me Too Too movement kind of. But he's a dickhead about it. So it's like, and then he became famous in his own right. So now he's just a. What's something you two wish you could improve about yourselves? If you could snap your finger and be like, I wish I could lift this character flaw.

I do this when I... Does depression count? Yeah. I look good with that. What does your depression look like? Depression does not count. We all want to lift our depression. This is about saying something about yourself that you know is bad.

I'd be so much better if I wasn't depressed. That's why I'm trying to get you know is bad. I'd be so much better if I wasn't depressed. That's why I'm trying to get to the next thing. I'd be so much better. I'd be so much happier. I'd be a better person. What's your depression look like? When you get depressed, what does it look like and how often does it flare up? 24-7.

Pretty often. And it's just disheveled and messy and I don't have room for anything else other than my selfishness. Right, right, right. We were talking about this recently. You're really not selfish. You're not. You're not right. But do you... We were talking about this recently. You're really not self... I mean, you're not selfish. But it is like I just... I can only do... Big picture is probably like

you live your life the way you want to do it, but like individual relationships and stuff, you're like the furthest thing from selfish. To an extent, but like every day I wake up

and like my only concern is getting through that day. And like I don't really... Getting through meaning like just getting out of bed like you're so... Yeah, like not ending up on the day. And, like, I don't really. Getting through meaning, like, just getting out of bed, like, you're so. Yeah, like, not ending up on the pavement. Like, just, like, make it through. Do what you need to do.

Make it through. And then you can come back home and be back in bed. I know. Back in bed is probably a sign of depression, but I also think everything else you just described is kind of adulthood. Yeah. Sometimes the lines between depression and adulthood get blurred. There's, like, depression, depression. And then when you talk about, like, some of that middle ground, a adulthood Get blurred There's like depression depression

And then when you talk about some of that middle ground A lot of times it's like this is also just life Life kind of gets shitty dude I have friends who are like I have friends who I've had like Talks with and stuff like that And they're like dude I want to help you however I can But like I genuinely don't understand

What you're talking about. I think this is different than adulthood because there are days where – I think you have a brain problem. No, I think you have – yeah, for sure. You need to be on medication. Because you yourself have been like – Are you on meds? No.

I have been before. I'm not right now. I'm going to talk to you after the show about what has helped me because I was on different meds for so long. Caffeine really was the only thing that would give me little boosts here and there. See, I don't even do that because that gives me too much anxiety. I get hot, sweaty, and shaky. That's why I quit it eventually.

But that was the only thing that would get me out of bed enough to be like, okay, today might be good. And then also just packing your schedule so you don't have time to think. When I arrived here an hour early, I was just like, an hour where I have nothing to do? Like that's all it looks, all I talk about is like, I never have free time, but give me that, and I don't know what the fuck to do with it. I wake up in the middle of the night, and I'm like, no, no, no.

Yes. Because it's just dark. If I get up at 5 a.m., I'm like, please go back to bed, please go back to bed, please go back to bed. But phones are what caused this, but at the same time, I go, what did people do in the middle of the night Without phones They just stared at the ceiling

And thought And like But you know meditation helps I'm surprised like everybody Didn't kill themselves But here's the deal I meditate I meditate accidentally

When I'm not That's not meditation then But like I'll zone out Like He's also like a dog kind of You should do TM Just go learn how to do TM Go take a course.

It's Transcendental Meditation. You got to pay. It's like $1,500 for the course. You go take it. That sounds like highway robbery. They won't ever come after you for money for the rest of the time. You can always be a part of the Transcendental. I swear to God.

And there are apps, too, that you can download. But this, actually, you invest money. So you kind of go, okay, I got to do it. And it really is something I learned in like 2014 or something. And it's something I've like been able to pull upon whenever I'm having one of those bad. I would just talk to Jerry Seinfeld about it. He was the one actually got me back into it.

I learned in 2014, I was literally going to check myself into a place to not kill myself in 2018. And everything was going great in my life. I was like, like 18 is pretty late. Like you were cooking by then i was cooking and i was like like not even having my regular suicidal thoughts like i was seeing train tracks and being like it looks like a good place to take a nap like i was like really starting to think really weird ways where i was like i would never kill myself that way those were starting to look good like

windows and stuff and And so I just stumbled upon a clip that was Howard Stern talking to Jerry Seinfeld on Comedians of Cars, but it was a cut clip. It was like one that's like an extra online. And he, Howard Stern was talking about his mom having like terrible depression, couldn't get out of bed for a really long time. And then in the sixties and she went and got trained in transitive meditation and never was depressed again. And he got his mom back. And Jerry Seinfeld was talking about it and said he's been doing it since his 20s, I think. And you're supposed to do it twice a day.

And he was only doing it once a day. And he was like, I learned about twice a day after Seinfeld. If I would have had twice a day during Seinfeld, it would have been a better show. My life would have been better. It's energizing. It's like a nap in the middle of the day. It really But you gotta buy into all this, right? There's not much buying into because it's so fucking easy. I mean,

they really, it's 20 minutes twice a day, but really once a day. Even if you can do 10 minutes or 8 minutes. Sometimes I just on the cab, I'll just do it for like 4 minutes on the way somewhere. Yeah, because 20 minutes is long. The whole idea of meditation being like no thoughts that's what stresses people out they go but see but that's what i get i get no

thoughts yeah that's how you i can he's a blank that's what i mean i'm gonna sit there and stare and i'm like it's all you do is you learn how to do it you are a vapid hole there's science around it yeah that's interesting that you can have no thoughts because usually people with anxiety or depression are like he gets them all out i want to do is sit and then think about nothing i can i i There's science around it That's interesting that you can have no thoughts Because usually people with anxiety or depression The last thing I want to do is sit And think about nothing I'm very good at that I think it will be great for you

There's like a line Actually it's in Welcome to Chippendales Where Kumail's in a fight with his wife And she's like do you guys tell me what you're thinking He's like you give me credit for far more thoughts than I actually have.

Yeah. That's crazy. Not a lot going on up here, bro. And also the book Free Will by Sam Harris. Very short read and it makes you realize

that your thoughts, you don't control them. You have no control over them. So you stop. I think a lot of depression is you have a thought and then you're like, I'm such a piece of shit

for that thought or I'm a piece of shit for the way I look. And like you learn that there really is no free will. You have no control over any of it. Thoughts just appear. You might think like, no, if I may go, you know, red or blue and you go blue, you go, I chose blue. What made you choose blue? It just showed up in your head.

Oh, because blue is my favorite color. Why is it your favorite color? Because I like the water. Why do you like the water? Whatever. You don't choose your brain. You don't choose the circumstance you were born in.

When you read this book, you learn that like nothing that has happened to you, good or bad. When people are like, I, you know, I pulled myself up from my bootstraps.

You're fucking lazy. Get out there and work. Well, you were born with a brain that is good at being, you know, having tenacity. And you were born with the circumstances. Well, I wasn't born with a cent in my pocket. Well, you were, having tenacity and you were born with the circumstances.

Well, I wasn't born with a cent in my pocket. Well, you were born in a country where you were free enough to be an entrepreneur. Like,

all these people that act like they're self-made, no one's self-made. You didn't choose your brain. You didn't choose your parents. You didn't choose your circumstance whether it's good or bad. So no one is responsible

for anything and that relieves you of like, you know, some of the, like, I think my depression at least is always like, you're fundamentally bad and you're like you know some of the like i think my depression at least is always like

you're you're fundamentally bad and you're like choose to be bad and this you're it's your fault and i think it frees you of that the other thing i've been doing i talked to neil brent neil brendan's into all this stuff you guys know him right yeah um he's done like every fucking psychedelic but which i'm gonna start getting into and i'll be really obnoxious then oh god oh no mantras dude like i have been doing this one because i was like really depressed a couple weeks ago and there's this woman on youtube called named louise hay and if you just type in louise hay l-o-u-i-s-e hay h-a-y she's like this dead woman now but she just does these mantras that you put on in your sleep dead woman and. But she's like talking to you from the grave and she's just she teaches you mantras

and this mantra I have now is I approve of myself and I literally say it whenever I'm like I look in the mirror I'm like gross. I'm just like I approve of myself. I approve of myself and I don't even believe it and I'm just saying it and I say it thousands of times a day. Like just walking up I approve myself. I approve myself. I approve myself. I approve myself. See that's terrible.

And it fucking works. My therapist had me try doing that and do like the, you're great, you deserve great things in the mirror. And I was like, this is fucking ridiculous. No, no, no, that's embarrassing. Just pick one sentence that means fucking I approve of myself is simple. And you don't even have to believe it. I also, I know this isn't, this is not the real answer. But I think sometimes you got like trick yourself into being happy

Like I'm a little more This is all that I'm not like a doctor So I don't know exactly how to articulate it And I'm definitely more on the pessimistic side But it's like life when you get older There's just more shit people die You get sick bad things happen

And you have more on your plate And you just have to be like Gratitude is a trick Just like oh I have arms You get sick. Bad things happen. And you have more on your plate. And you just have to be like. Gratitude is a trick. Just like, oh, I have arms. Yeah. I know. Be happy about that.

The littlest crumb. And just be like, no, no, no. My life is happy. I am decent. It is good. And then you just start to fucking think about it. I follow. If you go to my Explore page, it is literally all disfigured people. People that are just like, I love myself and they just like have like their

burn victims and stuff and like have no arms or just like they just look like mr peanut like it's it literally my friends the other day i was like what about this person you're not that guy insanely obese like people that if i i got which i have no judgment on fat people so when i say they're insanely obese it's there's no me being like, they're bad. It's just a factual statement. It's just a factual. But if I was obese, I would feel like society would judge me. And I would probably be depressed about that.

So I look for things where people where I go, if I had that, that would be fucking hell. And these people are like dancing and like proud of themselves. Yeah, but it's on social media. No, it really helps me because. But that's like we don't believe healthy people on social media Why would we believe unhealthy people Those people probably get off social media and they're like fuck I'm Mr. Bean Of course they do of course they have hard times

But the fact that they're willing to put themselves On camera when I won't put myself On camera sometimes because I have like a little bit of Circles under my eyes and this person Doesn't have eyes or like Their whole face has been burnt off and they're like putting like that if they can do it then i just go it just helps you think about gratitude of like i'm grateful i have skin on my face like the barest minimum even though i'm like

my parents are dead and i've lost my job like you can always find stuff to complain about like i've gotten a shitty hand in life well at least at least you have a hand and that stuff helps. But I get depressed fucking every day in a different way. And I'm always looking for new things. To Kevin's point about having to trick yourself into thinking you're happy at like way too young an age. My dad sat me down and was like, John,

you know how to trick yourself into being like fourth grade, like fourth grade. It was, and he's like, he's like, he's like, you know, I have bad days at work all the time. And I just smile on the phone. And I trick myself and I trick the people on the phone I'm talking to into thinking I'm happy. And you should try that. You know, maybe not to like a third grader.

But like third or fourth grade. You must have already been showing signs. And guess what? Motherfucker won best smile in fifth grade. Motherfucker won best smile in eighth grade. Motherfucker won best smile in eighth grade. Motherfucker won best smile senior high school. No way. Is he still smiling? Me, I'm talking about. Me. You did?

Yeah. Once he gave me that lesson, I was like, I'll just go around smiling all the time. So there must be something about it that works and also doesn't work because you're clearly still depressed. Because people that watch you on the show are like, that guy's such a happy, cool. No, no, no.

On this show, he's very open about it. Right. But like, if you were just watching like your TikToks or like, you'd be like, that guy is just the life of the party. This guy never gets sad that you want to be,

I want to absorb his energy. So does it like, it's not there right now, right? Like you're on right now. Like you're not feeling it right now. Right. That's the way I feel too. Like when I grab a microphone, it's not there. I'm hooked up Like, you're on right now. Like, you're not feeling it right now, right? That's the way I feel, too.

Like, when I grab a microphone, it's not there. I'm hooked up to the drug at the moment. Yes, yes. It's so true. When this goes away, it's like, oh, boy. Like, did you read about Ellen's dancer Twitch guy? Fuck, dude. I'm just, like, watching.

He has three kids. He's dancing all over his living room with his family. That's how you know Truly is, like, there's no, it's chemical or whatever. I think that's what like, I think after Chester Benningfield killed himself, his wife tweeted, posted a picture,

was like, this is what depression looks like. It was like the day before he killed himself and was like, happy as a clam with his kids. It's so fucked up, man.

Like, please just, yeah, I just, well, whenever we talk about this stuff, it's just good to remind people that like the number is 988 that you call now. It's not like some long-ass fucking number that you have to listen to a Logic song.

Logic's pissed, yeah. This song doesn't make any sense anymore. It's 988. Pulling the hook. And no one thinks you're cool if you kill yourself. Everyone's just bummed out, and then they move on to the next thing. The sad thing about – I was listening to my boyfriend's radio show yesterday, they i heard it today but it the news came out as they're like recording and they're like they're doing celebrity news like they're doing like their showbiz showdown

or what and so they're going through and they're like oh well you know uh kirsten or not kirsten that's a bad example but they're like oh scarlett johansson says that she was and then like oh no uh twitch killed himself and they're all just like, oh, fuck. Oh, God. Well, Taylor Swift's 33rd birthday. That's it. That's all it is. That's what suicide is.

If you think you're going to get all of this, like, and people are going to, like, because I know when I get suicidal thoughts, I go, I want to show people. Someone recently said that they heard a joke of someone's, a comedian was doing a joke about whenever they're on a plane and it starts to, like, shake. And they're like, maybe it'll crash and it'll be like a free suicide I'm like for me

that wouldn't when I'm suicidal I want people to like know how fucking like I want to show people like it was that dark they're only gonna know for like people who aren't in your extended family are only gonna care about it for five minutes and then your family everyone else will move on really fast and then

the people you love will never be able to move on. So it's the worst of both worlds. And nobody cares. Yes, and they're not going to think about you. It's just not the answer. And I have to say this for myself, too, sometimes. Because when you're in that mindset, you just convince yourself, no, this is the way. But that really struck me today of just like, and Taylor Swift.

And I was like, oh, my God. Like, I would just be, if I ever did anything like that and thinking I would leave some, like, lasting thing. Maybe a couple Reddit threads would stay afloat for a couple days. I'm like, this is so sad. This was her last picture. Would you write a note? Would you have a note? That's the thing that also keeps me from killing myself is that I'd have to clean my room, write a note, get my affairs in order.

Buy my sex toys. Yes. Clean up. Make sure the place doesn't look ugly. myself is that I'd have to clean my room, write a note, get my affairs in order. Clean up, make sure the place doesn't look ugly. Get the spray tan stains off the wall because people might think they're shit. We were just talking about that with the towels. Yes. What the fuck are you doing with these towels? Are you wiping your ass with the towels?

Yes, we are. And there's spray tan even back there. I was thinking about that the other day Like imagine you killed yourself Like say you killed yourself last month And you're just like I don't know I can't even think of a lyric right now But like you're just a massive Kanye fan

And it was just like It was like you know They wanted me to be great They wanted me to be great But they didn't want me to say I'm great So I'm out And then like in death Kanye just becomes an anti-semite. And you're like, son of a bitch, what are you doing?

No, dude! What can you write that will truly last forever? Taylor Swift. But Taylor, that's another thing that keeps me alive. I don't want to miss another album. I really... And this tour, things like that to look forward to. That's the stuff that you have to focus on.

But yeah, I really do go like, when she announced that she was coming out with Midnight's, I was like, I guess I gotta last till October 28th. I really was more cautious crossing streets and stuff. I was like, I would be so sad. It would be one of my last words. It's like, just tell me how Midnight's is on a Ouija board. Tell me your favorite tracks.

What are your favorite tracks? Okay, let's talk about it. The newest game from the KFC Radio franchise, who is the biggest asshole? If you have Answer the Internet or you've seen the YouTube series, you know that Answer the Internet took over the entire YouTube world and the entire comedy world with the ridiculous hypothetical questions that came out of KFC Radio. Go watch that.

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or you can just rip the deck out and you can fire off the questions and cards at a free game or at the bar or on a road trip or at a family event, wherever. You can buy the game today. It's whosethebiggestasshole at store.barstoolsports.com. It's one of the best sellers, and it's for basically all ages and all family. So go to get Who's the Biggest Asshole? The card game today at the Varsal Sports Store. I really, honestly, Lavender Hayes is like.

That's the one he wrote off. Really? I like it too. I'm really. I love Lavender Hayes. There's a correct answer to this, by the way. Well, the correct answer is would have, could have, should have, or you're on your own kid. Are the two top spots

for me, 100%. And they were always me. But I'm talking Lavender Haze has come up higher. Maroon. Maroon is the definitive correct answer. It's so fucking good.

Like, I don't care what your preferences are. That is the best song on that album. Would've, Could've, Should've is inarguably as almost as good as All Too Well.

Everyone who listens to Would've, Could've, Should've is like, this is one of her best songs of all time. It is so good. And yeah, so, but Maroon is,. It is so good. But Maroon is that's my probably favorite

off of Midnight's, not with the 2AM. But you're on your own kid also. Sweet Nothings I love. Oh, it's so good. It's so cute. But even the ones I don't like, my least favorite is Snow on the Beach and I post my rankings quite often

Which is crazy because you would have thought that would have been like The queens get together It's like one line and that's it I do like the weird but fucking beautiful line She got a little heavy handed With the cursing on this album And people are kind of calling her out like She's like a girl who just learned to curse

But I like it I like it very much I agree I didn't find it was over the top. It's more than usual for her. And who cares? I'm sorry to play the man thing, but if a man cusses, no one would be like, he's too much cussing.

It's because she's a girl that had an image before. Fucking let it fly. Yeah, you're right. I think she's more genuine now than she was then. I want Taylor Swift to be like, suck my dick. I want Taylor Swift To say that She's almost

She kinda like There's some Naughty things In the song In Mad Woman She says Does she mouth Fuck you forever

Does she mouth Fuck you Like does she Like mouth it But it says Does she mouth Fuck you forever For a long time

I was like Does she mouth Fuck you forever And then the one Lyric that's like My pennies made your crown She's talking about Scooter being like Did my Spotify penn pennies that you make off those albums.

But it sounds like she said, my panties made your ground. And I was like, I thought she was talking about like a guy. That's a great way of being like, this guy and I are fucking now. And I'm like, oh, go Taylor. And then I heard it was pennies made your crown. If you ever want to be able to describe how unwavering her support is, she has a song on this album about just cheating on a guy. Oh, she does?

And no one cares. Cheating can be excused, I think, in a million cases, but it's usually pretty excused in exceptionally toxic relationships. And she doesn't paint that picture. She's just like, I just fucking cheated on you, dude. Because we all know that he deserves it. We're all just like, go, Taylor. She hasn't written a single song about this guy except I Forgot You Existed.

Yeah, it's April 29th, I think. Do you really want to know where I was April 29th? Do you really want to know how he brought me back to life? Do we have to paint the constellations in his eyes? It's like, Jesus, he got turned out, dude. I got a boyfriend. He's older than us. He's in the club doing I don't know what.

And then even in the song Bejeweled, when I meet the band, they ask, do you have a man? I can still say I don't remember. I mean, these are all leading to her being like, I don't really remember. So I heard an argument about that. Do you think she was saying, I don't remember? No, she was saying. Or I don't, comma, remember because you told me

I'm not your boyfriend. No, she's saying that this guy that is always in the club, working a lot, and our relationship is already doomed and I know it, and I go and I meet this band backstage and they're like, do you have a boyfriend? And she's like, I actually don't remember, which is sending a signal to them like, you can try to fuck me.

So, but the argument I was hearing was that she's saying to the boyfriend, I don't, comma, remember? Like you told me you're not my boyfriend. Oh, but I don't. Well, look at the lyrics on YouTube and if there's a comma, then yours is right. But if there's not, she's, I don't remember. She's grammatically very precise. I don't remember She's grammatically I thought it worked either way To be like

Precise I don't remember You told me when I was She's so grammatically precise Remember in fucking She changed it But when folklore First came out

There was a song Where it was like In it was They capitalized north And it was cause She was talking about Kanye's kid Whoa I didn't know that That's a deep cut It was because She made it capitalized North. And it was because she was talking about Kanye's kid.

Whoa. I didn't know that. That's a deep cut. It was because she made it capitalized? That's what the rumor was. And then she changed it to lowercase? And then it was changed to lowercase. Okay. She didn't capitalize anything in folklore.

But she says two different, she says two North, South, East, West, whatever those are called, directions. She says two separate directions in that lyric, and only North was capitalized. Yeah, she was definitely sending a sign. I don't like these revisions. I was going to say, but then she should have stuck with it. When she took down the fat,

I didn't like that. I didn't like that either. I don't think it was the right move for her because she was saying fat is wrong. She looks and she sees fat and obviously that's wrong

because the girls looking at her in the mirror are being like, no girl. But that's her own demon she's fighting with. The problem with the world is with this whole

fat shaming thing. The problem with being world is with this whole fat shaming thing. The problem with being why Taylor Swift doesn't want to be fat is not because fat is wrong inherently or it makes a bad person. It's because society tells us because constantly everything in media says fat is wrong. And so that's what she was saying. She was saying that society says fat is wrong. She wasn't saying fat is wrong. If you don't get that, you're a fucking idiot. You're a fat idiot.

You know what it is? It's the same thing you't saying fat is wrong. If you don't get that, you're a fucking idiot. You're a fat idiot. You know what it is? It's the same thing you were saying about The Office. If you don't understand that Michael Scott is a moron saying these things, that's the whole point. It's not right. The body positivity movement, it needs a little bit of a wake-up call. There's been times on my podcast where I'm like,

I've gained some weight. I'm feeling really bad about myself. People go, but you're thin. Like, how could you? And it's like, because I know how the world works. And if you're telling me that Hollywood likes fat people, you're delusional. You think that this is fixed? You think because they put one fat woman on This Is Us or there's like Adele before, Rebel Wilson before.

But then also Adele got in trouble for losing weight. Yeah, that was crazy. Well, it's like, but it's not fixed. There is still a total, they don't, Hollywood doesn't like fat people still. I like fat people. I don't have a problem. I wish I could be fat and feel like I could still have a career.

But I don't think I could. You're a little loud. It does get forced. It's like they put you on the cover, and it's not because people want to see that. It's because the company is making it happen. Well, I like that. I think they do need to force that. I think they need to force that down our throats.

Yeah, but I'm saying it's not there yet. It's not there yet, yes. It's not like people are like... You know, the day... I remember when one of the athletes, some athlete came out as gay, the first one, I'm forgetting his name Because my point is

That it's so inconsequential But there was this A lot of people reacted as like This is Nobody even cares And I was like First of all The idea was kind of like

Why do you need to tell us this It's a sport Just play a sport No more like This is so It's so not a big deal Is the proof that we're okay with it, you know? Right.

And it's like, no, no, no. That guy's still going to run into people who call him a shit and like, you know, it's a problem on the football field. Yes. So let's, he still deserves props for all that. Yes. But it is sort of like, you know, it is, it was more accepted and kind of like glossed over. That's the thing is that they, people,, is that people, when girls say I'm fat

and they're sad about it, people go, don't be sad. That means you're fat shaming people who are fat. And it's like, no, I'm still seeing the world for what it is. Let's be honest.

I don't like what I'm living in where fat people are discriminated against, but I'm still living in that world and I want to, and as much as I wish it was different, I still have to like play that game

and I don't want to play that game and I think that we need to, I would, my point is I would love if I got really fat someday to be able to still have a career and I don't believe that I would be able to. And that's the point. And it's like, I have this whole bit about it now and it's touchy to talk about as a woman

who's like thinner to be like talking about that Hollywood has a fat problem and say stuff. But it's like, I don't know. I've just felt like backlash sometimes from women of being like, you're setting a bad example by crying about how you've gained weight. And it's like, because I. This is fucking real. Look around you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think we're okay?

You think everyone's okay with this? Yeah, yeah. It's just, yeah. You think we're okay? You think everyone's okay with this? Yeah, yeah. It's just – yeah, it's just – Just be honest about it. But then you just – you know, you still get, like, scared of, like, being canceled. But at the end of the day, I'm always just like, do I hate fat people? No. So that's where I go, well, no, I'm not doing anything to make fat people feel bad about themselves.

I'm just trying to call out the way it is. The world you live in. Yes. And I – but I do love – The only fat person I hate is John. You'm just trying to call out the way it is. The world you live in. Yes. The only fat person I hate is John. Me? Yeah. I just laughed in that. I just saw his IV drip got taken out for a second. I saw this micro expression

of just sadness. It's just like John took a little longer to get to my head than anything else. I was like, yeah, I hate him too. I like that. It's just like John took a little longer to get to my head than anything else. I was like, yeah, I hate him too. I like that fat has become like what fat people, fat people are like, I'm fat. And people go, no, you're not. And they go, no, it's not bad to be fat. But it's also like literally, yeah, come on.

But yeah. We're talking about something that, you know. But they're also like, I like that fat acceptance is like, we're not trying to be like big boned or like, you know, husky lady. Plus size, curves, whatever. Fat. Plus bro. Somebody called me husky. If I was a chicked or like a husky lady. Plus size, curves, whatever. Fat. Husk bro. Somebody called me husky.

If I was a chick and they called me husky instead of fat, that would be – Husky is made for peewee linebackers or husky. Yes, yes. Oh, she's husky. Holy shit. Are you kidding me? Yeah, they used to say that when I had – I got vocal cord surgery, but I used to have a much huskier voice.

You had a husky voice. I would always be like, shut up, it's big boned. Because it didn't make you. But that's because culture says there's something wrong with being fat when there really is not. Right, right. Except for all the things that come with it. No, except for like. Except for all the wrong things about it.

No, just, well, it's not wrong. It's not wrong. People who are fat either have a thyroid condition or are have a emotional eating problem and guess what we all have emotional problems some of us grab food some of us grab drugs some of us grab diet cokes and whatever the fuck it be some of us beat your kids like it's a way to feel better so when i see someone who's fat i'm never like what a fucking lazy oh no i don't think that well not that you guys think that, but I'm just like, I think that's what people think. I'm just like, no,

they just like are abusing of substance of their choice that happens to be one that shows up on you. They're no different to me than like... You can just see my vice. Yeah, you can see it

and other people get to hide theirs and unfortunately theirs shows up and we associate it with like, they're like gross or wrong, but they're no different than someone who drinks every night or has any kind of problem yeah yeah i i got a buddy who's a big guy and every time he goes to the doctor the doctor just goes we'll just lose 20 pounds then we'll talk about it that's so shitty he's like it's so cheap it's so funny too like we laugh about it together

him and i so i'm laughing about it on this cause like He's like I can't Treat any of this Until you He's like why don't you Just lose 20 pounds And we'll talk God And they offer no support They're just like

Eat less and exercise more Yeah no fucking kidding guys Yeah I haven't thought of that I think the average is 50 Why don't you drop 50 pounds We'll talk about it Jesus Christ Just lose a small

Just lose a 5th grader And you'll be good Oh my god Alright You really covered it all Let's wrap it up. Jesus Christ. We have a new game.

Oh. It's called Who's the Biggest Asshole? Okay, great. Similar but different. You want to do that? Yeah. Okay, cool.

So wrap up here. Anything to other people? Oh, I'm on tour. You can hear this and more on tour. It's called The Good Girl Tour. It's everywhere right now.

I have a podcast called The Nikki Glaser Podcast. FBoy Island. If you're're a streamer out there if you want to give us a home because hbo dropped us solo podcast now huh yeah solo podcast baby yeah well you know things change the band breaks up relationships like i feel like podcast partnerships i've had many of them in my life and they end eventually like you outgrow one another and it's hard for you know Andrew Collin was my co-host and I love him he's so funny but we our dynamic was like it's the Nikki Glaser podcast and he's the sidekick but Andrew is a front man you know like you can't have two front men in a band where the band is the Nikki Glaser band you know

like he he wants to be his own front solo album. Yeah. He doesn't want to be a sidekick anymore. And I like I I get it. And I couldn't do I couldn't be a sidekick. And I think that a lot of times early on in, you know, performers careers, they will take whatever opportunity comes at them because it's good opportunity. And then they start to outgrow it and they go, no, I want to like go out on my own. So he's Harry Styles. We were in one in one direction yep and he you know so who are you i was gonna say you're harry styles okay he's liam neil i put it all together no what's

his name louis tomlinson oh it's liam pain liam pain yeah no he's he's garfunkel but he's gonna have a better career. You know? It's like, no, but his name wasn't even in the show. Like, I get it. And I guess you're like, oh, you could change the name. It was just time. You know, we've been doing, we've been touring together forever. He has his own life.

Like, our dynamic was kind of based on me being the host, him being the sidekick. So when that changes, you just move on. It's like any relationship. And people are like, are you guys still friends? It's like, we will be. But when you break up with your girlfriend and you guys are like, we love each other and we'll be friends, you don't just go right to being friends. You need a little time to come back. We'll come back together eventually.

And yeah, there's no ill will, really. I mean, I'm not going to say it's it's contentious when things end but it actually ended pretty smoothly so um I miss him uh I wish him the best and we'll be friends again not worried about it so check out Andrew Collin and his podcast whatever he does he's fucking hilarious he's gonna be a star in his own right and follow him on Instagram cool Instagram. Thank you. Bye.