KFC Radio - KFC Recaps His Week With Bert Kreischer and Other Comedians in Austin + Nick Murphy Interview

Episode Date: March 18, 2025

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 00:17 The McNeese team manager is a legend 02:15 Best TV Shows right now 20:54 Bill Belichick and his girlfriend's yoga pictures 36:25 Kevin went to Austin with Bert, Shane, and other comedians 44:45 Shane Gillis' Notre Dame JO Story 55:16 Brian Scalabrine showed up to a pick up basketball game 01:04:40 The type of men who hate women 01:07:09 Grand Canyon Pee Hypothetical 01:16:43 5 Guys bathroom hypothetical 01:23:02 Boston PD took away kids' BORGS 01:34:20 1st Holocaust 01:37:44 Soccer has too many championships 01:43:20 Nick Murphy Interview ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Gametime: Download the Gametime app today and use code KFC for $20 off your first purchase Kikoff: Build credit fast and get your first month for just a dollar at https://GetKikoff.com/kfc today. Thanks to Kikoff for sponsoring us! DraftKings: GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, [phone] or visit gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), or visit www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 1 per new customer. $5+ first-time bet req. Max. $200 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: dkng.co/dk-offer-terms. Ends 3/30/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Jackpocket: GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, in NY Call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPE-N-Y. 18 or older (19+ in Nebraska, 21+ in Arizona). Jackpocket is not affiliated with any State Lottery. Void where prohibited. 1 per new customer. Enter promo code at checkout for $2 non-withdrawable credit. See terms at jackpocket dot com slash tos slash free slash ticket slash promo. Sponsored by Jackpocket. Based on 2024 iOS download data collected by Sensor Tower. Evan Williams: Visit https://EvanWilliams.com to find a bottle near you. Hulu: See the new Hularious stand up special, Bill Burr: Drop Dead years- now streaming on Hulu. Open Phone: Get 20% off of your first 6 months when you go to https://OpenPhone.com/kfcYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. He's amazing. Yeah. He's, like, introducing people and hyping people up and, like, helping people and spending money and the life of the party and it's like... Would you have sex with this guy? Would I have sex with him? Yeah.

Because you just said he's so goddamn cool. He's so goddamn cool. No. Sorry. But I would hang the hell out with him. And somebody will, which is the point. Hey, girls don't have to just for girls to like you doesn't mean that they have to work sure totally totally uh he'd probably be

thrilled to just hang out with you i'm sure but uh you know this is where i love the internet man the internet giveth and taketh and it can get ugly and it can get bad but it also can be cool like this dude is probably just on cloud nine you know yeah he's a team manager he's you know probably already like doing what he loves he's hanging with the guys as close to basketball sports managers in your schools uh they were the best we basically were like the we were like the players yeah the guys on our team were the players like the at our school because you had to play you'd be involved in sports and not everyone can play sports yeah so like every team had a manager and it was just always the like they

were the most fun coolest dudes in the world yeah like and it was perfect and like you you can fuck them a little bit and but like yeah not you know not teasing but it was it was it was it was teasing it was not like yeah like having a good time like a good time. You think I busted that guy's balls? Of course they are. But in a fun way rather than in a fucking dickhead way. One of the original viral people was that Jason McElwain or whatever. Remember, he was like the autistic kid who hit threes. I remember just that general thing.

I think he was kind of one of the original like of those cases of going viral where it's like look at this kid you know yeah now they i mean he could he could shoot though um it was literally like the uh the guy from i appreciate your attempt there by the way that's not his name i gotta get it wrong anyway but even if i did it you were not gonna get it oh it's just like the guy from ted Lasso. Was it Rory or whatever? Yeah, but he ended up being like a scumbag, right? I've only watched two seasons. Or a season and a half.

I can't call him that for a fourth season. Yeah, I know. That's kind of crazy. I'm like, bro. I mean, you know, don't want to yuck your yum, but who the fuck's watching that show? Everybody. Still? It's all like, it's always, it's still, if you're on Apple TV, it's still one of the

top three shows. Like, it's massive. That show ran its course. We just forget about the middle of America. Like i know like we everything we think is a girl's team now right he's coaching a girl so that was um i mean the podcast i was listening had the theory that there since all those celebrities are investing in female and like women's soccer that it's kind of like propaganda for that totally i mean whether it's specifically because of invest that's just the angle right now is for sure women's sports like yeah that's the play for sure um while we're

on television dope thief on apple tv is so fucking fire yeah it's two episodes i've only watched the first one uh ridley scott is the either director producer something involved in it. The dude from Atlanta and Brian Tyree Henry. He's from Atlanta. And those. Oh, the guy from Breaking Bad. I was not Breaking Bad. Better Call Saul. Who's that?

Manny Wagner. More. Yeah, he's he's the bad guy in Better Call Saul. He's like he's like Gus Springs, like bully and stuff like that. He's he's the head honcho. So these two guys are. He's like Gus Fring's bully and stuff like that. He's the head honcho. So these two guys are... I'm assuming it's dope as in drugs. Yes.

So what they do is they... The opening scene is them raiding a house. And you think they're DEA agents. But they're just stealing all the drugs and money. And then the first episode is a movie, man. Between Lioness and Paradise and now this, I feel like television shows are mastering the art of the pilot to get you hooked early on.

If they went another 30, 40 minutes, it could just be a standalone movie. It was so fucking good. What was the Bernthal show on HBO? It's not like Thin Blue Line, but it's something like that. The one about the Baltimore cops. Baltimore cops. That's another one. The opening episode had the same type deal where they went in as cops,

stole – actually, we own the city, yeah. That was fucking sick. Dude, they are nailing it. And so, I mean mean there's just so much right now i'm trying to think of like i mean you know kind of the joke is like cable you know what i mean it's like well if there was one place that you could watch all these things i actually saw a commercial the other day direct tv is just doing it okay so direct tv it was like like the commercial like i don't have direct tv but the commercial was like i think it's pigeons watching in a room

being like did he just go from a a Netflix show to a baseball game? How's that happening? Okay, so they're doing it. Because I was going to say, if there was an app that was like, you click a button on the screen for this show, this show, this show, and it puts it all into one little app. You open up your thing, and there's Hulu, and then there's one that's just like you, your custom thing. And it has all your shows loaded up.

I would use the shit out of that. Even just a TV guide. TV guide is not a thing anymore. Do you guys remember TV guide? Did you have a TV guide? I don't really remember TV guide. Not that I wasn't around. Remember the channel?

Kind of. No? Wow. Again, but that was just like. The book was like old school for me. You remember the book? I remember school for me but yeah you remember the book my grandma yeah yeah i remember people having it i remember it being a thing but like it wasn't a thing yeah the old magazine kind of but the but the the channel i watched like all the time

really yeah i mean you should figure out what's going on i mean i should say watch all the time but i would turn it and i would watch it go through and be like all right i i certainly i have memory of it for sure but like when i think of like a guide i'm thinking like the comcast blue box yellow yeah uh toggle but that's it wasn't a channel like you would hit guide yeah and then you just scroll i didn't know it was a channel i thought it was just like a little pamphlet no yeah it was like the tv guy channel it was just like scrolling on the side it would have the channel and then it would have like one o'clock two o'clock three o'clock so it would show you which shows are coming out and it would just scroll and i i would use like now it's like i what i really want are these fucking streaming services to advertise

with people like us because there's so much goddamn stuff and if if you know we were to formally be like here's what you should watch on monday here's what you should watch on tuesday this premieres on thursday but like watch it on Friday because you're watching the show on Thursday, whatever. Like just create a schedule for people. Here is quality TV on this streaming service at this time, or here's the day that it debuts. And like, I give you your television for the week

because you know, like Dope Thief, I have one person put me onto it and I really have not seen much else for it. And I'm like, this is fucking awesome. Yeah. But that's the way it kind of works now where, like, it comes out and then it catches on. And then it catches on. Right?

Yeah. Like Paradise, fucking The Other P with Gyllenhaal, Presumed Innocent. Like all those kind of premier. But even once they're out, just having somebody seal of approval like this is good. What I really want to do is start a ranking system. There's IMDB out of 10 and Metacritic out of 10. And there's Tomatoes out of 100. And there's the star rating.

But I want descriptions of shows. This is your time killer this is your you know uh not guilty pleasure but like your your safety blanket right this is a you can scroll your phone while watching it dumb reality show this is put your phone away and dial in this is go on reddit and read threads afterwards like you know because that's how i that's how i judge a show yeah am i just putting this on while my you know watch this while with your kids like while they're bothering you like when your kids are around don't watch this you know because that's how i need to know what what are we talking about here is this the pit the pit is a good uh like time killer show what's

the pit the pit you ever see that's again like kind of what i was just saying with frankie how like the your everything's so like like the pit is pushed to me so it's all on the subways it's all throughout new york city yeah but like even like i mean it's max like like when you open max the pit is like the big one yeah um it's almost back by the way yeah actually early april because i was gonna say i haven't been opening max recently so that's probably why i haven't seen it but when i open up for axe i'll see it the uh it's it's like it's it's your standard it's very good it's very good but it's like it's a medical drama um which i feel like hasn't been around in a while pittsburgh is the uh it's yes it's it's the er at pittsburgh hospital i always thought that this was adam sandler when i saw

it looks like a like an action hero uh adam sandler does yeah um but it's all in a day so like it's like 24 style like every episode's one hour of the day oh yeah that to me was one of the coolest like mechanisms i've ever seen on tv yeah they don't have like the counting clock like like 24 did but like it's the idea the episode 24 episodes i don't i doubt it's not all out i don't think but like episodes are titled like 8 a.m to 9 a.m we take 10 p.m 10 a.m we take that shit for granted what How many does it say? 10? We're up to 12 right now.

12? All right. So it is more than usual. No, it will be 12. It will be 12, yeah. The 12th is out. But I'm saying the fact that it's past 8 or 10. Yeah. We take for granted that you used to get 21, 22 a season.

Hour-long shit. But now that's too daunting. I actually restarted Lost recently and then I was like well I'm not doing 6 seasons of 25 episodes that's crazy back then it was like one of the only shows you were watching

and so you needed it 10 channels that were more than that but you had 10 channels that were like legit channels I don't even know if you had that many probably not right it was the major networks and then like the tnt tbs amc yeah it's probably about 10 abc nbc cbs hbo tnt maybe for a time yeah yeah but it's like 10 now they're just like you know 20 streaming service every service is putting out a show a day. I saw a recap of Lost the other day.

And it was crazy because about two minutes into this recap, he hadn't even talked about Jack, Kate, Sawyer. Because really, the show is about Jacob and the man in black and all that shit, you know what I mean? So he was like, this show is about the island, and there's these two guys on the island and one represents good and one represents bad and they can't kill each other so uh the man in black is trying to recruit people to kill jacob and their mother is involved in this and i was like yeah yeah that's what this show's about but you won't see them until like the sixth season and there's all this other shit that goes on

like he just kind of the whole cast was like and these are the people that get roped into this battle i was like that's crazy that that is technically a correct review of lost i need like a twitter feature also that is when you watch a show you can like re you could say okay i'm starting this episode right now and then it shows you all the tweets but it doesn't show you until the end of that because now if i like go and i like try and type the episode like i'm watching southern charm and like i can't go and see the tweets like time stamped almost so like time stamped so it doesn't release until i get that i like that going like so chronologically so you don't spoil yourself

so you don't see spoilers or so you just don't see like you know you can see the live reaction as if you're watching it live because yeah the uh letterboxd i recommend oh i do uh like i'll go see like letterboxd i'll check letterboxd like after i go see a movie um wait what no but this is she wants to be able to is there like conversation on letterboxd it's not conversation But it's like tweets Like it's Reviews on Letterboxd Are like

People treat it like Twitter Like it's like You know Three lines Two three lines And it's like Pretty light hearted And stuff like that

Like I watched Presence The other night Which was great But is it reviews Of the whole movie Or like Cause you're probably Talking about

The moment in that episode Where she cheats on the guy Yeah it's almost like How on YouTube There's a live chat And then it doesn't Like as you scroll Yeah No it's almost like how on youtube there's a live chat and then it doesn't like as as you scroll oh yeah no it's not like that but it's it's like you'll need to like use a hashtag and then have a chronological like i feel like i come up with banger ideas and i don't do anything about them and i feel like i'm

sitting on like 10 million my grandma she invented the electric screwdriver never did anything about did she really no she says she did I was like yeah of course you did she was like you know a hundred years ago was trying to screw something and she was like I wish this did it for me

you didn't invent the electric screwdriver mom grandma you just fucking said something that everybody wishes they had but I feel like I cut somebody off I'm sorry

the TV back to the TV shit like there's just so much out there that needs to be watched and, like, is probably going unnoticed, but... Do you guys think that the...

I don't know if I've already asked this, but TV, like, the slow burn nature will get rid of movies in a few years? Because I almost feel like watching movies now, the storylines seem way too rushed. You're trying to cram everything into, like, way too rushed but you're trying to cram everything into like two hours you're trying to cram everything where we're used to like being fed i think slow burns are a there i think there's very few good slow burns i think slow burn is a crutch that a lot of people lean on for slow ass show i was gonna say

it's a bastardized word that doesn't really mean anything there's very like i would describe white lotus this year as a slow burn but like people just say it like it doesn't we talk about this ad nauseum like you say a word enough it doesn't mean anything anymore yeah it's like when nothing's happening in your show and you call it a slow burn it's like no there's just like i think white lotus is slow burn because after every episode you're like oh we're almost there they do well true detective did it well there's something like it, it basically just has to be a good show that doesn't rely upon a reveal or a bang, bang scene or sex or anything gratuitous

and you still feel gripped. And there's plenty of shows that are like, this is average and we ain't moving here, bro. And, you know, when people are like, you gotta get to episode 10.

I'm like, that's 10 hours of fucking nothing? No way. Not doing it, you know? Yeah, yeah. Well, and I say slow burn just meaning more like since since the ad era like everything has gotten so much better because you don't need

that bang bang to like loop them in before the ads or whatever so now it's it's like we don't have to speed up the storyline as much and all the shows are just i do like that movies are you know self-contained though and like yeah you're gonna get a start middle and an end you know i i movies are probably also too like they almost like go like the way of museums and like people still go and it's still a fucking huge industry but it's not like the main thing people do anymore like you know what i think they need well i'll go back and forth because like there is something to the big screen and the sound and the popcorn and the shared experience the way that i just can i just say something okay sorry the way that john like experience. Can I just say something?

The way that John rubs his eyes just like a giant baby rubs his eyes. Like this? When you see a baby, little babies actually do this. It's so funny. How do you guys rub your eyes? Just like a normal fucking human. I can't believe I'm making a comment.

If I were to do it, would probably go like like that like that was very dainty what's that called mewing shay came home the other day and she was like i was i was talking about like blah blah blah and giacomo kept just mewing at me. I was like, what the fuck does that mean? He's like, some kid just going to this tour. It's so funny watching.

I'm washed. I've been washed. There are people who have called me old, and now I'm like, you guys are fucking old. There's a whole generation of shit. I probably now know more slang than, like, young people do because I got young, young people. Yeah, yeah.

You know, like, good boy. You know good boy? No. Like, good boy. Like, all the kids just say, good boy. Oh, I do not like that. Which is really weird. I don't like that.

There's a streamer called Dom the Troll. Does that make sense? Something the Troll? troll yeah and he walked up to a cop and he's like what's your badge and number what's your number and name and the guy's like i'm officer smith one two three four five and he goes good boy like just kind of like he's fucking with cops and he's and that so now all the kids say good boy and like it's on teachers have like list of banned words like you're not allowed to say good boy. It's crazy. They have their own little ecosystem.

That's where Sigma and all those things come from. Yeah. So it's like the probably teenager to like 20s, they're fucking washed up now. They have their own little good boy is what we're doing. You're just saying, do you think I'm old? Do you think I'm washed? Yeah, you're washed. Dude, i was talking to payton this weekend

payton almost legitimately jumped off a roof when i told her how old i was thinking that you were younger she was like and you're like you're a little old you're probably like 30 and i went i'm 36 and payton had a reaction like it was like get away from me so how old is she she's like you're age she's younger like the idea that singular maybe a few months she's way younger than you the idea that she could have been talking to a 36 year old had never crossed her mind like and like like something that she would never like never thought she would do yeah and honestly her reaction very much reminded me of a Bella's. Yeah.

Having sex with a 50 year old. Yeah. What's the only person who's had sex? I don't know. 50. Like it was like it hadn't completely befuddled. People have been saying to me, like, you're only 40. I'm like, wait, what?

I thought I was fucking older than that. I feel like we glazed over the I was fucking older than that? Do you feel like we glazed over the fact that you turned 40 too much? That's why I tried to say the other day I will be doing

something bigger. Do you want us to plan it? No. Really? No yeah because I'm going to do it at my house and you can't plan

something at my house you know what I mean? But I had everybody do this to me thank you for offering I had my family and everybody was like what do you want to do?

And I was like the thing I want to do I just can't do yet and I don't want to do something I don't want to do just because of the timeline so just give it a minute the weather will be nicer it'll actually play out better and we'll do with that i've been trying to start a happy hour here and then i've been telling everybody that i'm gonna start a happy hour and now i'm at the point where like they actually said no to my happy hour but then i've told everybody that i was gonna have a happy hour so now i'm in a weird spot where like

everyone keeps asking about my happy hour and then and then i keep being like it's coming guys but then they keep saying no to my happy hour so you're like i just want to make it like an official happy hour yeah i just want but but then but then i like my issue was i told everybody about my happy hour so it's like like upstairs people too so now i made it a whole thing so now it's like a company party and we have the budget for a happy hour but we don't have a budget for a company christmas party so it's just i'm in a weird spot and i just do it thursday game time baby the best part of college basketball is here and we know that you are excited as we are to watch some big upsets throughout the tournament we're talking mcneese state we're talking fucking uh speaker

box boy we're talking that that's all i know about mcneese but those two things we're talking fucking Speakerboxx boy. We're talking. That's all I know about McNeese. But those two things, we're talking. While we're streaming in the cave, you can get out to see the action in person with GameTime, the official ticketing partner of Barstool Sports. GameTime makes getting tickets faster and easier. Prices on the app actually go down the closer it gets to Showtime. Plus, the Game Time

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near you on your Game Time app homepage. I was looking at tickets. You know what I was looking at? Because I actually was earlier. Clemson. A good friend of mine went to Clemson. They are playing McNeese. They are doing it in the hub, Providence, Rhode Island.

And I was considering going up for it. I'm not going to make it. But you should because the Dunk is a great place to watch a game. And McNeese State is where we're – I think they're calledcneese state right is it just make me it is mcneese state okay or whatever we're running the table but get in we'll see mcneese while you can uh they got great curated deals for all tiers of tickets and you know you're getting the top option when you see the super deal icon what are you waiting for i'm going to get those mcneese clemson tickets right now with game time picks take the guesswork out of buying tickets with game time download the game time app create an account and use code kfc for 20 off your first

purchase terms apply again create an account redeem code kfc they wanted me to spell that out uh for 20 off download the game time app today. What time is it? Game Time. Who? Big weekend of content. I had a lot of content out this weekend. Let's begin with Bill Belichick and his girlfriend. Oh my god. Bro, one of the things, like if you told

me, legitimately, let's rank them, okay? If you told me 15 years ago that Donald trump would be who he is you'd be like what are you fucking crazy you know if you told me 15 years ago that a massive amount of women are just turning into sex workers on a website that like allows them to do so i'd be like what if you told me that Bill Belichick would be on a beach with a girlfriend 50 years younger than him

doing some eat, pray, love yoga, that would be number one on the list of impossible. Is that what they're doing, yoga? I don't know. What the fuck? What do you call that? I don't know.

Like little fun gymnastics poses and yoga. I felt like maybe the caption was like we were doing yoga. No, the caption was hashtag spring break. Hashtag still got it. Hashtag us time. Which might be crazier than the action. It is. I said, bro, Bill Belichick doesn't know what spring break is.

Spring break didn't exist for Bill Belichick when he was a sage. That's not even a fucking thing. If she's still talking about Spring Break She's too young for you And I mean that for a regular age person Let alone a 75 year old I mean this is Incomprehensible

To someone who grew up in like the Patriots era Yeah no it's for sure Like everything that's happened since 2020 Is like Impossible You were like this could never And I mean strictly with Patriots fan stuff impossible. You were like, this could never. And I mean, strictly with Patriots fan stuff, like everything you're like,

Tom Brady's going to play for the Buccaneers. Right, right, right. Bill Belichick's going to coach college football. Yeah. Bill Belichick's going to have a 24-year-old girl run the team. That one's the only one that was like, maybe, because he did have like a younger, hot girl. She was like 50.

But Linda, but it was like, it wouldn't be i don't know i honestly i guess now that i hadn't really thought about it now that i'm saying it like he has he was like the hot girlfriend guy for a while relatively speaking relatively that bad that he has like a hot girl period like dude the way there was that video a couple weeks ago of her the the viral caption was like if your girl wears a jacket off her shoulders, like she's too young sort of thing. She just had it around her arms. But the way that girl even walks.

I don't think that's a young thing at all. That, I think, is an older classy thing. Like with a jacket draped on your shoulders? I think the way girls wear it where it's on their arms but just off their shoulders. Oh, completely opposite. Yes, that's incredibly young. I've always seen young girls. I think you're talking about like draped like their shoulders. Oh, completely the opposite. Yes, that's incredibly wrong. I've always seen young girls I thought you were talking

about like draped like a cape. No, no, no. That's like elegant and sexy. Yeah, this is like,

I never even understood it. It seems so uncomfortable. Yeah, no, that's like putting yourself in a straightjacket. But even the way, like,

like her feet like flop like a little kid does. Like I watch like my kids, I'm like, you're too like big for your body. I haven't even figured it out. That's how like she walked around and and now like bill doing the yoga with us time i could just imagine her being like like come on baby he's just like no we gotta go to the

beach now we gotta do yoga right i mean like honestly i i would think back in the day back to like grudgement day and stuff like that and And I was always like, again, not like this age gap is weird, but just like, why? What do you both want to do together? You talking about Dave? Yeah. And that's one fifth of the difference. That was like Dave was probably in his late 30s. Right.

And I was like, what do you two want to do together? I mean, this is an old man. Yeah. Like, you could die soon. I mean, that's probably what's going on here by the way but like but i mean she's like so she's like involved with unc now and like running his she's like his assistant like i mean she is that email where it was like belichick sent it and it was like please make sure jordan's copied on all emails like dude you can't it's crazy like other

people must be like fuck this girl um i just i just couldn't believe it i just could not believe it i was like this is a man who like he lived on oxygen water and lombardi yeah and football and now he's like it's very much though like like with my opinion with literally everything is like look if it makes you happy, do your thing. But just so you know, us reasonable people are going to call it wacky. Totally. You know what I mean? Like, this is insane.

If it makes you happy, fucking do it. Great. Good for you. It's fucking wacky to the regulars. Yeah. Yeah. How old do you think you could go, Jackie? Well, that would be up to...

Like, I feel like I'm not... I don't know if I have the maturity for like a 50 year old to want me. Do you know what I mean? But I don't think 50 year olds who I don't think they're going like for maturity. I think what they want is maturity. Let me explain what the 50 year olds looking for a 24 year old. It's not the maturity. They're not looking to have reasonable discussions.

Like, I think if you... That was a crazy thought, Jackson. I don't know. You got it all the way fucked up. Sometimes I think, like, people my age, whenever I'm just around people my age, I'm like, all right, this is, like, my element. Like, whatever.

But in so much more than, like, when not, so then I think, although I could see myself, like, with a 50 year old like okay let's put it this way if you met a 30 year old you wouldn't blink right if he was like young hot whatever mid-30s mid-30s okay 40 year old guy are you starting to pause are you still like like if you met someone who is in in the business you met like a pod a comedian yeah comic who have a podcast comedians are young at heart

so that I think I could do if it was like a 40 year old businessman don't think I could do that that's interesting I can see that that logic makes sense a super immature person who's about my age mentally I can handle I don't want to sit around and talk about your spreadsheets and your taxes

I was getting dinner the other day with a friend and I was like they were in town for work and I was like so tell me what you do and I was man I was

why did I do that no I was like I was like John fucking listen and you're like take interest in your friend and he got three sentences and I was like

that's the most boring shit I've ever heard in my fucking life like he's like it was like so good and like even as he was explaining I was like this isn't a job you're not explaining to me a job yeah but like I was like that's the most boring shit in my fucking life and like even as he was explaining I was like this isn't a job you're not explaining to me a job but he was like so we're gonna go in and we're gonna you know I'll go in under this family office

and then we meet and we talk about stuff and I was like this is your job? why haven't you killed your life? sounds fucking miserable and I'll see if I can do anything for them and they'll see if they can do anything for me i was like is that is this what business is i think i think because like on family trips my dad would be on calls and he would be like saying business terms and then i it would be like it just would somehow pavlov myself to be like

this is not important like fall asleep check out yeah this is not so then when when somebody's saying and if they say leveraging I'm out like I really like I do that occasionally where I'm like I know you're gonna not want to listen to this but fucking listen to this yeah and then like with it before I knew it I was just counting cabs driving by Yeah. I don't know. How many guys, like, what are the jobs of? It's all finance. Yeah, I was going to say. So I don't want to generalize, but it just seems like every guy is in finance or something finance adjacent, real estate, taxes, whatever. But it's like you're just talking about money managing,

and guys are so into that, and they compete with each other over that but i can't imagine there's a single woman out there who wants to fucking talk about it unless they're in finance as well like like all my friends for the money but they don't fucking care about the shit do they but a lot of my friends have like finance jobs too yeah i was gonna say unless you're in it yourself then yeah but i I'm just like, okay, I'm realizing I'm not. Like, I think I just have to date like a creative. Well, you're like famous now. But the issue is that I'm famous now. But I was thinking like you're, you're, you're, you are.

Like when you meet people, are they, do they know who you are now? No. No, not yet? No. We're going to get the show bigger. I mean, like, I mean, like I'll get. But like when you meet someone, maybe if you don't even know them if you tell them like i'm on a podcast you tell them when you're on a podcast you probably don't even do that but like i am i say i edit a podcast yeah

you should be like i'm on a podcast i never will you should say i host the podcast but but i say i work for barstool sports and that's enough there's actually no do no date do you know yeah yeah so um but yeah and then whenever i talk about my job like i don't say i'm on but then but so then normally then they'll find me on instagram they'll be like wait why do you kind of have like yeah right so eventually they figure it out yeah what's going on here but but you'd be surprised like guys don't care what what what i do like they don't they don't give i would not be surprised i cannot tell you how little i care about a girl's job and i don't mean that in like like no but i don't care about a guy's job either yeah i don't care about i don't take

that if you want to talk to me about your work you better have like one of three jobs yeah otherwise i do not care okay so what jobs would you care about it would have to be something in sports comedy entertainment otherwise like but like i would never like if i met a girl that i liked she could be a teacher she could be a finance chick she could be famous she could be probably fucking unemployed it doesn't make a difference yeah i don't know i i just like at least for i would imagine average guys you're kind of programmed to be like i have to make all the money i need in my life right i have to buy the house and I have to do it. It's just never even on the table.

Like, maybe I'll find a woman who does all that shit for me. So it does not matter what you do. And it's like, if you make some money, it's a bonus. But if you're interested in it and you want to talk about it, fine. But I do not care what it is or how much money you make. I think it probably depends. And that was before money, after money. I never cared.

What kind of household you were raised in or what your friends were. But my household was very traditional. My dad worked. My mom raised us. Do you think there are guys – They both raised us, obviously. I just still even – yes, obviously that holds true. But I can't imagine there are many guys out there just being like, I'll find somebody to take care of the money.

No. This is not a thing. There's literally zero. Yes. It's just never even – and even – you could be a smart, capable, working woman, but there's still some element of like they will pay for things or they will make – you know what I mean? It's just not even in

my i think it's just yeah it's just like yeah that's how men are traditionally right i read a thing the other day that was pretty interesting huh anthony mackie's quotes no you go first and i'll tell you what the uh it was about guys and when guys get sick and they're such babies about it and it was it was interesting it was like a psychological breakdown of why that is and i was like oh that makes sense. Like, no, I don't think anyone knows exactly. I have a theory on that. What did that say?

It was because when you're raised in, like, traditionally masculine households, you're taught always, like, you didn't get hurt. Get up. You're fine. And you're taught, like, you don't really have emotions. Like, chill out. But bottle them down. And the only time you're allowed to be, like, vulnerable is when you're sick

and, like, your mom will take care of you and stuff like that. It's like, you know why I'm complaining about this right now? Because I haven't complained for the last year. This is the three days a year that you might help me. And I'm letting you know, like, I really feel like shit.

And every girl's like they're such pussies like how about the other 364 days where you complain about your stomach ache and your headache and every fucking thing else well my theory is that since we're on because you guys aren't on like a lunar cycle the way that we are and so you're used to once a month you like want to kill every single man that you see once a month you have the worst cramps you've ever had in your entire life you have like you go through ups and downs so you're kind of used to like your body just being like what the fuck is going on like you're in like you don't freak but like men you guys are steady the whole time but we're not you just think we are

because the whole time we're suffering we just don't fucking talk about it i mean not obviously not in like you guys have a literal thing that happens i understand that but it's like you go through something horrendous at work and you're stressed out with this and your wife and your co-worker and you don't say any of it where it's like every single day it's like did you see what happened today at work sandra said this is that it's like we just don't ever do that so the one day that we're like puking and shitting at the same time we're like oh iing and shitting at the same time, we're like,

oh, I feel like shit and girls are like, you pussies. It's like, okay, well guess what? I'm going to not even talk about that now and in six months

when I have an eruption because I've been keeping all emotions in for the last five years, then you're going to tell me to go to therapy. Okay, well, okay. That's what we call an unpacking

so anyway i was more saying like in terms of like the sniffles or like a sore throat i just go all right it's probably like a period thing or whatever and we chalk it up to that whereas you guys aren't used to feeling i think illness i wish we could i wish we could all take a walk in each other's shoes because I would wonder. Yes, there definitely are some people who are like, yeah, man. When I wake up in the morning, I never feel good. My point is I think most people,

most guys will complain when it is bad enough. But if girls would hop in our shoes and be like, yeah, this feels like every day for us. You guys are not open to complain and cry and everything and and yeah that that could take it all and i invite you guys to share your emotions and and it's a safe space if you ever want to yeah right bill burr's new special drop dead on hulu is very funny um and it's all about basically this um i'm not gonna do a bunch of his jokes but the the general gist is like bill has

kind of found out that he was like i was a meathead i was a little tough around the edges um and he's talking about like being emotional with his wife lately and he said he has this one thing this would be the one i didn't tell but it tell. But it was like he told his wife for the first time he was sad. And he was like, I was like four days on the couch, and I was under a blanket. And she's like, what's wrong with you? And he's like, I'm just sad. And she was like, is there anything I did?

He's like, no, we're actually fucking great. We're the better way we've ever been. You've done nothing wrong. I'm just sad. And his wife goes, oh, well, I'm just sad and his wife goes oh well i'm sorry and walks away he goes didn't know that was an option i'll be saying that every time he goes 20 goddamn fucking years of you is that that's between you and samantha i. I'll catch you later. Yeah, like you say

that we can do that. We can. You can. There needs to be a couple more generations of this shit before girls are like actually going to accept that.

Because if we start to do it, you'd be like, you guys are whiny bitches. Because again, the one time we do it when we're sick, it's put on blast on the internet.

Men are pussies. Okay, whatever. You guys got to run the world. So if you want to run the world so if you if you want to run the world then you can't i invite you to run the world um all right i guess we have ourselves in a little standstill uh bird's new special is out today as well lucky is out uh i was down in Austin with Bert He For lack of a better term He's a machine

This house we were at in South By Was actually Feidelberg's dream I was sad you weren't there Because it was like right up your alley First of all it was just Great house, pool, booze They had

Phillip Lee was there Scratch by Sushi by Scratch And now he has a new burger pool booze they had Phillip Lee was there yeah yeah yeah he was making scratch by scratch by sushi by scratch yes yes and now he has a new burger

thing called NADC not a damn chance burger bro take all your Shake Shack your five guys your In-N-Out

your Jack in the Box throw them in the fucking garbage this burger was unbelievable and they took pickles and soaked them in Poroso's vodka nice little touch they were spectacular the fucking garbage this burger was unbelievable and they took pickles and soaked them in porosos

vodka as a nice little touch they were spectacular spectacular so the food was amazing the party's amazing there was a sauna cold plunges a masseuse table and a tattoo artist and we were just hanging in the sauna drinking beers in the sauna we would beers in the sauna. We would hop in the pool or the cold plunge afterwards. Guys getting massages, a whole setup of mushrooms, like a Sharpa telling you like, this is what you want,

this is what you need. And then you could grab like a silly tat if you wanted to. And I was like, this is Final Break's whole life. Food, booze, tats, drugs, and like meathead activities like i was so that really is the best totally was it real tattoos or it was real tattoos it was like

um i guess this is a thing when they do these parties they'll bring a tattoo artist and you get you can pick like five tattoos that are just kind of like outline tattoos because real ones take like hours and hours and hours so it's like do you want the butterfly the flower the this and that and you can pick like one of those things okay um so i i found myself this is one of these one of these moments i was just like what is happening i was in a sauna pretty tight sauna with me burt kreischer and that freak show was trying to live forever brian johnson yeah i do i was like scrolling through your stories and i was like i i scrolled that i think that was that fucking dick guy which i like him now though i think he's ridiculous but i was i was borderline not even borderline i was just being disrespectful i was like what is this what are you doing

what's the fucking point of this and he was pretty like reasonable about it so i was like all right i was like first of all what happens when you get hit by a bus i was like i don't know i'm not wishing ill on you but like you know something like that's gonna happen he's like a hundred percent a hundred percent and the internet is gonna have a fucking field day when i get taken out by like lightning or something doing all this to live as long as i can and i was like what why do you even want to do this like what i'm i'm i don't even want to live 70 let alone 170 you, you know? And he was saying, like, he was like, if you went back in time and told the caveman, you know, like, I'm going to live to 50, he'd be like, what are you doing that for? Like, all you need is 30. You know what I mean?

That kind of maybe changed my perspective. And then he said, if you went back to the first caveman who had, like, an axe or, like, made a weapon, you know, how much more ahead they were than the rest of the people you know and he was saying he thinks that's what like uh integrating like ai and technology into people is you know what i mean and so that was just like his logic of where what he's trying to do next and like basically you could be the the caveman who's gonna like use these tools or whatever but but the fact that i was just like this is fucking stupid and weird he was like yeah i know it's crazy man and and i'm sitting there with him and burt and he was like, I don't know. It's crazy, man. And I'm sitting there with him and Bert.

And I was like, I think Bert's going to outlive you. He's the type of guy who when he's 110, he's like, I drank every day of my life. I ate every day of my life. And Brian Johnson just kicks the bucket because he has an aneurysm or some shit that you can't stop. So doing that, I was just like, me, Bert, and the weird guy wants to live forever. This is fucking crazy. And then Bert, he's just he i love burt kreischer so much man he's the best he is the best and and i know there's like you know i'll just send burt i just like send him like after doing the 320 that was like the official for me like what when he benched 320 that was like incredible okay he can do everything he can do and, man. And I'll just randomly be like, dude, I forget you can bench 320.

325. That's serious, serious weight. That's big weight, dude. I think it's considered once you pass 225. That's when you're like. Strong. Strong. And this is an extra 100 pounds.

That's incredible. You could give me my whole life to train. I don't think I would get that ever. He's just so. And I get that if you're a fan and you just watch him on a podcast, maybe you don't like his laugh. Maybe he's on a lot of shows. Whatever reason people don't like podcasters or influencers, I could see where that might be the case.

So if you don't get to hang out with him and you don't get to see him and all that. But when you do, like, he's amazing. He's, like, introducing people and hyping people up and helping people and spending money and the life of the party. And it's like, you're just the fucking man. He's actually kind of, I was just thinking about this. He's kind of the opposite of Brian Johnson in the sense that, that's his name, right? Yeah. And it's don't die, right?

It's his tagline. He's like, live. And? It's his, like, tagline or, like, you have one job, don't die. He's, like, live, yeah. And Burt's is the exact opposite where it's, like, have fun today. It was interesting watching them interact because he was saying that. He was, like, I'm not thinking. He actually said for the first time he is thinking long term. He was talking about his future and all that because he's, like, all my kids are out of the house.

And, like, I just don't know what to do right now. And so I'm thinking more long term. But his thing is, like, live for the now. Yeah now yeah right which is the total opposite of brian yeah it was cool watching them interact i personally tend to lean more that way but like burt is the complete embodiment of like enjoy today but tomorrow figure tomorrow out but he's just like like he knew what i was doing there and he's helping me out and he's getting me and all my friends into places and just like shit that he doesn't need to be doing yeah And I'm like, you're the fucking man, dude. That's why I can't stand.

And I know there's, you know, I just feel like in a similar boat when there are people that you interrupt too much. You laugh too much. You're in too many things. And I'm like, I get where you might feel that way. But if you look a smidge beyond that, it hurts the fucking man. I don't know. I don't think that really bothers me. I don't know.

I'm having fun today. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. There's a bunch of cameras around't i don't know i don't think that really boz birds like i don't know i'm having fun today yeah yeah yeah right yeah there's a bunch of cameras around i don't know but like i well you know i would be having fun today whether or not these cameras were here he told the story about he went to dinner with joe and taylor sheridan and leanne a whole bunch of people were there and uh taylor sheridan was like holding court and and was like you know he was he was monopolizing the conversation you know and he was, but he's Taylor fucking Sheridan. He's one of the greatest storytellers of all time. So let him cook. And so I feel the same way about him.

Bert's one of these super rare, I let him cook the same way. Like, oh, do your thing. So anyway, he has about six beers in our sauna session alone, which is crazy. Like I was not anticipating any of this. So now I'm sitting in the sauna pouring with sweat. I'm like, what am I going to do for the rest of the day now? You don't get drinking at all. And Bert grabs the tattoo gun.

He's like, who wants tattoos? And this one dude, the first dude. Did you get a tattoo? No, no, no. I probably, I was thinking about it. I was actually, when I saw there was a tattoo artist, I was like, start thinking now because you might get pressured into this. Once I saw that it was all like you could just do these individual ones, I was like, I'm not going to get like a butterfly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But when Bert, Bert was like, what do you want? And so the first guy got lucky tattooed. That's the name is Bert special. He got that tattooed on his ankle. And then like the hottest chick at the party was like, can you give me a, a, a tat?

And we were, everyone was trying to figure out where she was going to put it. You know, she wanted it like right on her ribs where like she could cover it for work. But everyone was like, that's going to hurt too much. And we're trying to find out a spot that she can cover it up. And long story short, he ends up giving her a four-leaf clover right on the back of her arm.

It actually came out pretty good. But I was just watching this man operate, just giving tats, promoting his show, throwing back beers. He was in flip-flops and a matching button-up and short-short set. And I was just like, this guy's a i just i just love the guy so much paps and i went to a party and there was like a fake tattoo or whatever and we were gonna come with kfc radio and then a teardrop and i'm so happy we did we went to the uh the mothership afterwards uh i got to see Shane tell the Notre Dame jerk-off story, which is, I mean this sincerely, my

favorite thing, truly, in life, is storytelling and hearing stories. Getting together with the boys, and they tell you the one crazy story. And you've heard it a thousand times, and you still like to hear it again and again. I think that might be the funniest story ever told in the history of just retelling

stories and events that occurred that might be the funniest story ever it's crazy i did i remember the time we heard it at barelli's we were like talking to him afterwards like how because it's that stories from when he was a kid like how has it been 10 years and he's like i've been working a year in there yeah um i think i think it's gonna be a focal point of like his new special which is i think coming out like much later but like i was like when that one hits and the world like knows that one yeah it's it's i remember i told it to pavs the day after i heard it and i retold it the best i could and that had you in here i was gonna say he had me dying i i laughed for like 12 like straight minutes after this. Dude, I had tears in my eyes at the mother ship. So fucking funny, man.

He got an ovation that was like, I was like, yo, this is rock star shit. I truly could not believe it. You know what? We had a really, really nice moment. James McCann is his name? The Australian comic? I don't know. I think that's it.

Can you look this up? I think it's James McCann, but I might be mixing him up with the Mets catcher. Do you like James McCann, Australian comic? Yep, James McCann. That's him. Very funny guy. He had a great set. And we were in the green room of

of mothership and shane introduced me to him and he was like this is kevin he's from barstool he's oh cool nice to meet you and he goes uh kevin's got a a podcast or he he's been really good to the to the comedy community and i was like thanks man and james was like all right cool and then he like stopped him and he was like no no for real these guys put us on when nobody else would like when we were nothing kfc radio was was was uh like our home and i like i like stopped and i was like thank you for saying that man like truly like you stopped the conversation i was like wow thank you so much. That was really nice. Somebody noticed me. And he was like, for sure, I got you. I was like, fuck yeah. It was really cool. So yeah, I had a whole, like, awesome.

I went, I did the scooter. Hopped on the scooter. Really? Did not. I love the scooter. I've always loved the scooter. Remember when we got that scooter, like, in the old HQ? Yes.

For like a day? Yeah. It broke after like two days. But the original company that did the electric skateboards and scooters i can't remember their name now they're like the first one they gave us one and i was like i'm gonna use this all the fucking time and it was like a prototype so it crapped out like after like a day and i tried to get a new one and they were like no no but i remember zipping up park avenue this is back when i was still taking the train at grand central i was like i'm either gonna

die on this or like i'm life. Hair in the wind, just scooting around town, but everybody does it in Austin. And I was like, I did not understand really how it works. I thought it was like a city bike where you have a place that you get them and a place that you drop them off. So I was like, what if I'm going somewhere where there's no scooters or whatever?

So I find one right outside my hotel. I scoot to the party. And then when I was leaving, the scooter was gone. And I was like, fuck, somebody stole my scooter. And they were like, this is how it works, dude. You just take a scooter. I was like, oh, I did not realize that. I thought like once you buy a scooter, you have to return it.

And then you're like on the hook for it, you know? So I was like, fuck, what am I going to do? Am I going to buy the scooter now? And they're like, no, you just take scooters. So I was like, I can just take this one right here, which is kind of funny, though. It's like, I don't know. What if someone was banking on scooting home?

Yeah, yeah. And I took the scooter. But yeah, I was full-blown Austin hipster. I was scooting around. How long were you down there for? Tuesday. I went home a little bit early. I ended up leaving.

No, it was Tuesday to Friday. It was an early Friday. But yeah, doing the full south by southwest is i would argue that uh austin can't even host it anymore it's too big really it's just too big it's like getting anywhere the traffic was fucking insane i feel like it used to be tech and and uh tech more tech oriented you know and tech and music and now it's like content podcasting comedy all that shit so i think it's just a grown in scale i mean it is once you create a new like a city it's pretty fucking hard to make it usable like once everyone moves to a city yeah like we can't just make infrastructure it's yeah we can't just add a subway. That's why the New York City subway is like, thank God they did it when they did it, and they did it as well as they did it because it's held up for like 120 years.

Otherwise, you can't doing anything for us here. So they all moved to Dublin because it was closest, English speaking, all that stuff. And I remember the cab driver was sitting in a ton of traffic. And he was like, yeah, after Brexit, it just became like this because Netflix is headquartered here and Hulu is headquartered here. And all these major companies are headquartered here. He's like, it just got like this. And there's nothing we can do he's like we can't these buildings are 2 000 years old we can't do anything it's just there's just literally a shitload of people here in traffic like we can't widen the roads because there's nothing we can do

and if you i mean if you try to it's it's like what it took you know it takes like 30 years for the subway the second avenue subway to build in new y in New York. Once the city's going, you can't stop it. But particularly in Europe, we can't widen the streets. We can't move buildings. This was created for the 1400s. Maybe a horse would go by. Here, by Austin, you've got a better chance of maybe creating some roadways or stuff like that. At least you can expand.

Buildings that have been there for hundreds of thousands of years. I'm sorry, not hundreds. Thousands of years. Did you see Schultz's clip? I think he was on All In Pod talking about Austin. He was like, you're here for tax purposes. Let's just call it. It was so obvious the day Rogan moved. It was like right

before he signed his credit. I'm moving for freedom. Whatever, do your thing. I think Schultz said something like, and now a bunch of interesting people came here, and I don't want to put words in his mouth, but what I was thinking was like, the city might be interesting because of all that,

but you came here for money. It's a tax haven. Yeah, it's a tax haven, and once Joe Rogan and this tech creator and this restaurateur and all these things move here, there's probably, you know, you get some value because it's like, oh, all these cool people are here. But you're here for money. Yeah. And if they had high taxes and like Nashville didn't, you'd be there. And if they had high taxes and Denver didn't, it would be there.

And, you know, oh, it's good for flights. Like, there's a couple other ancillary things, but you're here for money. It's 100%. And, like, don't tell me fucking otherwise, you know? So, yeah, that was... Which is just a funny thing to me. Like, making your bones or whatever in, like, with taxes and then being like, all right, all that really worked for me i gotta get the fuck out of here it's crazy to me schultz was like the deal for me to move would have to be like

astronomical but he was like i'm a new yorker so i have like roots here i i get if you're like if it's all the same i'll just leave and make my money you know like if i'm not from either of these places you know what i mean if i'm not from new York, but from Austin, I'm from Florida or whatever. I guess Florida is not a good example because they have taxes as well. But it's just like, if, if I didn't have like a home and all my friends and all my comics and my industry and the taxes were all good,

I'm like, I'm going there. Yeah. But if you have like family and life and all that, and you made your career in a certain spot, like, I mean, I guess it reaches a point where i always think about it

the opposite way i understand if you're joe rogan you're making a billion dollars your taxes are like 200 300 400 million dollars right but you're making a billion it almost feels the opposite to me if i was making like 60 grand i think i gotta get the fuck out of the city yeah because i'm only making 60 and i'm giving you 35 once i'm making they're giving like eight well whatever it is you know what i mean yeah but i'm just saying like to me that feels like it's you know the opposite but i guess yeah with the brackets and the amount of money you reach you're just like it's too much money but i feel like those are the guys who can afford like i would not give up my home for taxes no if i didn't have anything but the way i think it was like well like i don't know

this is where i was raised This is what helped make me. It's on me to fucking give it back. Yeah, but I guess there's, you know, if you don't have that, it's like Jackie was raised in Long Island. It's like, is she gonna, does she feel the need to give back to that? There are plenty of people, I think,

who are like, don't have those roots. You know what I mean? Yeah. So then it's like, I don't give a fuck. I almost wish I did, to be honest. I'm so goddamn sick of having a loving family. It's so fucking annoying. I would have just taken all you guys.

We're going to live in the Bahamas because I don't have anybody who loves me. Should we try and do a trip? Sure. I've noticed with this group, we don't do it. Yeah, we don't. We can stop spitballing. I know. I always feel like that's my fault.

I feel like I'm the one. I'm always holding us back from doing those things. I think after Vermont, I was like, I can't ask again. I know. I know. Vermont literally would pop into my head like every other week, and I was like, oh, well, but we have a little more time. And then all of a sudden, it was like late February.

I was down for Vermont, but I didn't want – I wanted you to make a – I didn't want to invite myself. I brought it up like 10 times. Oh, I was down. I was like, you have your weekends booked already. And like, you don't have time. Like, I didn't want to invite myself.

Like, I didn't want to know. I had hit the threshold where I was like, well, now I'm making them do something they don't want to do. Oh, what? You guys could. It's always me because I always like I have to miss this and miss that. It's always like stressful for me. But I do want to to do these things so if you guys do them and just it happens i just and then i'll go damn or or i or i can't or i can't and like you guys but i don't you guys should go do it and it's like i can't make it then i can't make it but don't not do it because

i can't do it okay so where should we go plan it out out, Jack. Okay, well, now I have a whole party. A happy hour at the party planner. Also, Scalabrini is just the man. What did he do? I saw it. He did what he always does. He beat up on some fucking jamoke. Really?

So George the Messiah is... Tommy played against him. I remember seeing that. He's a fucking asshole. George is like a streetball legend, and as soon as he got a taste of Instagram fame, he just bullies people. He just fouls them.

It's not basketball. He's just like, we'll push you over, and puts the ball, and he's like, fucking New York, man. I remember seeing that video, or one video. I'm being like, well, that doesn't even seem like basketball. Every now and then, he'll shoot from outside the cage, on the street, and banks it in. Yeah, I've seen one of those. But he's pretty much just like a bully. But he's got a lot of Instagram fame recently.

And they made a video, George, you think you could beat an NBA player? And he's like, maybe. Why not? I was raised in New York. And then, of course, he opens his fucking mouth and says Scalabrini. And so Scalabrini made a stitch. And he was like, oh, you did it. He's like, I'm coming to New York.

And Scal beat the shit out of him. And he was like oh you did it he's like i'm coming to new york and uh and scowl beat the shit out of him and he did it like george says he was all right it was it was not even a basketball game it was a wrestling match it was it was a foul fest they were draped on each other literally bear hugging each other scowl's throwing elbows at one point george threw the ball out into the street because he was like complaining about fouls it's like this is your whole jam yeah it's just now that there's a guy who's 6'9 260 doing it back to you uh and i think he ended up winning like 11 nothing really and and it just resurfaced the scallenge it resurfaced the i'm closer to lebron than you are to me uh he has his his speech after the fucking uh i don't think it was the NBA finals as a whole. I think it was one of the games.

But when it was like... I think... Was he on the Celtics when they went to the finals? Celtics, yeah. So he won a rank. He won it with the Lakers. They were like, is it tough sitting on the bench for all this? And Scal was like,

yeah, I mean, I'm sitting on the bench now, but I'll tell my friends that I got some playing time. And he's like, and I'll tell my wife that I started. And I'll tell my kids that I hit that Ray Allen three. I mean, it's crazy to say this about any NBA player. The NBA, I think has... How many players on a hockey team? 20-some-odd.

So the NBA has the fewest players in any professional sports league. By a pretty good margin. You have maybe 12 guys on a team. 30 teams. You know what I mean? You're talking a few hundred people on the planet do this. And then even 450. And even less than them have a 10 10-year career right he made 30

million dollars doing it at a time where you know now now scrubs will have like one year 30 million bucks but he made 30 million dollars imagine if you know i was saying if if if i told you this is a lawyer who's made 30 million dollars and you were like i could beat that guy in court i see i've watched plenty of lawyers i know how to do it here's a surgeon who made 30 million dollars like well i watched you know er so i can tell you how to do it like you would never do this with any other thing and somehow you think you're going to be better at basketball and this guy and i think it really started because i didn't realize he was the lowest rated player in NBA 2K. That's kind of why the joke started. And, of course, he's a white ginger. So all these things come together.

But he was on a team always. You probably couldn't even say this about a guy who was a one-year flame out. But you certainly can't say it about a guy who had a career, won a ring, practiced and worked. You're right. But it was like i played and practiced with kevin garnett and ray allen and paul pierce like i was one of the 10 guys on the court yeah yeah it's just nuts to me uh so like he i mean the scallions was great he should have like he should have been doing that he should have been doing pros versus joes

last decade yeah he could do that like once a month. I mean, it ripped for me. Like the video absolutely smashed. People love the idea of him. The White Mamba is one of the greatest nicknames of all time. What was his career average? His last season, obviously, one point, like zero assists. But like three points, two assists.

And how many minutes a game? Minutes played, average 13 a game like you're getting burned that one season 20 minutes a game you're playing half the game in the NBA you know it's Dana Beers high school number that that it was just one of the more satisfying

things that he actually does it because you know what like everybody else like you have everything to lose and nothing to gain if you know what i mean right but you do have something to gain because he puts them in their place and everyone goes fuck yeah yeah you know but the you know the god forbid one day one of these guys somehow beats an nba player it's like well that's what marty's doing i i don't know what i just feel bad for marty like it's it's part of the barstool like the way bar. But, like, if certain other people were returning Djokovic's serve and fucking hitting it through the legs and scoring a point, getting hits off of Trevor Bauer, like, it would be the talk of the company

and the talk of the internet. And it just – the internet's a fickle beast, and for whatever reason it doesn't get the attention it does. But, to me, that's fucking awesome. Djokovic, I mean, did, like, a couple million views. Good. It should. But, like, he should be known as that. That should be – I watch some of these other guys go viral off of one video

and their career is made, and Marty just keeps doing it. And I just think it deserves way more of a spotlight and way more shine than it gets. It is crazy. I remember Hub sent me the video when he was out there. It was such a long video that I couldn there because the uh it was but it was like such a long video that i couldn't even tell who it was against yeah because it was like it was you know if you watch the video like hubs is kind of behind him so like he had the camera or had the phone and like you know when you send a long video it comes through like so blurry and

stuff like that so i watched it and i was very impressed but i was like i don't i didn't even say it i was just like i was like holy that's fucking sick. It's the goat. I knew that they were going to be talking. I watched it under the assumption it was Djokovic but it was fucking... Going through the legs with Djokovic is nuts. So cool. I saw some people like, he didn't go 100%. It's like, okay, fine.

What are you going to do? I told the guy to go 100%. I fucking did what he did. It's Djokovic at 80%, 90%. Fine. Instead of 140, it was 125 miles an hour. Like, I don't know. What are you fucking – it's this kind of shit. It's like – how can you not give this guy props for like –

Trevor Bauer won a Cy Young and was like actively really trying to beat him. Twice. Beat him. Give the guy the fucking respect he deserves but uh but yeah scow scow i mean he could he could have a a media career like i mean he did i think he was on a radio show for a while no he's a celtics broadcaster is he okay yeah yeah he i think he could have a uh like a entertainment you know like a influencer type career on that like outside of just sports.

But yeah, he's the fucking man. The white mama. One of the greatest nicknames of all time. Kickoff. K-I-K-O-F-F. No matter how fast time seems to be flying by, it is never too late to make progress. If you are saving up for a big purchase like a home or a car

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issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.co slash audio. What else we got? Actually, I had a few things one the one I should have brought up earlier because

it's a study about hostility towards women and it's only very attractive men and very attractive and very ugly men are the only ones who like are hostile towards women in this study and I was are hostile to us in the study and i was like we're right in the sweet yeah like obviously i think ugly men blame women for their lack of sex and stuff like that hot men think they deserve it i'm just like hey if you're not

doing anything i'm not doing anything either it's kind of like the perfect thing to be like, no, look at me. I am not a misogynist. It's not possible. Read the study. It's not possible for me to be a misogynist. And honestly, if you call me a misogynist, I'm flattered. Or not.

I don't know. I think I know I'm not ugly enough to fall in that department, so I must be really attractive. That is good. It is funny is funny too just being like like who decides to like let's do a study to see who hates women i feel like in office we should have like a test run where they have to talk to women and if they get rejected by like i think that a lot of men who hate women have gotten rejected a lot and then they take it on a woman and i think that if you have gotten rejected

in the past a lot you should not be allowed in office because then you're just gonna so wait so wait what happens then i don't know what exact tests i want to run. Yeah, no, I like it. If you get rejected a lot, either you're going to be a misogynist, which would be bad, or judging for current things, you got no raise. So you're not going to last here either way. Yeah, true, yeah. So just to be clear, if you've been rejected by women a lot romantically, you cannot have a job. At Barstool Sports.

To be clear that's what i just said are you saying here or anywhere hey no clipping that we could change jackie's fucking internet experience in one clip you want the rest of your life to fucking suck you criticized the men once no but like no seriously please um the uh what was he gonna say they were let me pull this up real quick um also for the record my shock collar came past i tested out it's like it's way too way too strong i had a feeling that was gonna be oh wait okay good we'll stay on you for a second uh one of jackie's last texts in the group

chat was kevin put forth and hypothetical in the group oh this is great where if you could uh if everyone on the planet decided to pee into the grand canyon how long would it take to fill yeah i think i was the only one i was like for forever however much time there is i've never been to the grand canyon i just know it's massive yeah and then we were discussing how women would have to be in the canyon in order for their p to be a factor at all i think i know where you're going and i'm hoping i'm happy you're going here and then jackie was just like this is a crazy this is a nicky smokes text jackie, man, how quickly do you guys think it would turn into an orgy, though? I was like, what does Jackie do?

Everyone's bound to get real horny. Everybody pissing got me not bothered over here. That's actually crazy that I didn't clock that there was no response to that. And had I clocked that, I would have been like, I feel so weird. I might have made the party weird. I almost wrote back like what do you get into but i was like i think that might be too inappropriate no i think that that's so fair because then because now i'm trying to think of the logistics of everyone

peeing in the grand canyon at one time so what would a girl do do you think they would go like this or you think they would turn around and squat like squat yeah you guys are all that's you have to like yeah you'd like have a harness something. But if you were to go like that, can you get it out? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, well, because then you're over the Grand Canyon. I feel like it goes down, not out, right? I think that you have to, like. You almost have to dig a trench is what you have to do.

On the edge, you have to get to that and just let it flow. You have to make a fucking ice looge. Is it a pee funnel, right? Did you invent that? No? No, a popcorn funnel. But gotta make a fucking ice luge. It's like a pee funnel, right? Did you invent that? No? No, a popcorn funnel. But they do have those pee funnel things that are gross, but...

You could probably, like, propel down the side, and then... Oh, free fall. Like, free hanging, and just pee, and then pull you up. Yeah, just, like, legs against the wall. That would be fun. Yeah.

Just like this. Hang on, now I'm getting horny. But then I'm thinking, like, all right, you're putting men and women peeing in the same thing like there's like i just feel like there's so many creeps that like the creeps would be out to play no yes but it was funny that you know we were all talking about pee and you were like let's let's fuck no no no like jackie watches this animation she's like this is porn no no this is not what I'm saying. Wow, that's so insane.

So by the way, just to give the stats on it, 1.2 quadrillion gallons in the Grand Canyon. If everyone were to pee simultaneously, it would take 800,000 years of piss to fill up the Grand Canyon. Now, what you said was true, that it does read and sound like this is a stat to convey how big the Grand Canyon is. You could also do the other side, though, that this is to convey how many people are on the planet. There's a lot of those where it's like, you don't even

understand how many people 8 billion is. But Jackie's answer, Pav said, what? I said 2,000 years. He said two years. He said two years. I said two years? It was pretty low. You said two years, 20 years.

Better than what did you say? Hours? Jackie was like, Pav, she said Pav, I think that's a really stupid answer. You just gave a really stupid answer. I said Pav, I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure that's a really stupid answer. You just gave a really stupid answer. No, I said Pavs. I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure that was a really dumb answer. That's what you said. I left space for it to

not be a dumb answer. I think you said two minutes. I said sub one minute. Sub one minute. And the answer is 800,000 years. I said millennia. Yeah. Centuries. I don't know what I would have said if I didn't come across it first, because I would have been thinking one way or the other.

It depends on if you're thinking about the canyon or how many people there are. But you were like, you are so dumb. 35 seconds. Then I said, hand up. Wait a minute. Let's really break down how fucking stupid that answer is. We don't have to break down. One person peeing.

I couldn't even fill up a toilet in 35 seconds. See, that's where I over. So then I thought. I got to be honest. I got to take a break. Oh, for me. Go get that point, whatever.

Okay. Half a gallon. Apparently everyone pees half a gallon. Half a gallon. It's half a gallon. And I was thinking in my head a gallon, which was in hindsight crazy. Like that's a lot of urine yeah yeah but then so then i was like okay eight billion gallons at once is a lot is like you probably pee you probably get out that in like 20 seconds so i was thinking

like the grand canyon i just didn't know how big the grand canyon well that's where it comes out you underestimate like 16 billion gallons yeah probably dude 1.2 quadrillion so that's billion trillion quadrillion so that was a lot more than I expected take 999 999 billion to get to

a trillion and then do 999 trillion to get to one quadrillion like it's an incomprehensible amount of of space yeah and then also to just like reiterate the orgy part like my my my thought process was that was wild but no but my thought process was like also like again we're thinking logistics like we're thinking can everyone even get like access to the grand canyon at one point and then you're thinking of like all the creeps and all the killing that there probably would be and all like the destruction that would probably happen so when do we get to the orgy

because you're talking about piss and violence right now jackie's like and then everyone's everyone's turned on then because then i was thinking the creeps would be out of play because everyone's like probably like everyone like dicks are out and everything yeah i get that yeah if everyone's dicks are out like it's like everyone just getting naked in a room together but the pissing into the giant hole is a little bit of a mitigator of the romanticism. And my point was just the creeps would be out to play and then it would turn into an orgy.

Just like shit would happen before we even get the chance to, to pee, to all collectively. I wouldn't even pee. I'd be getting fucked by all these guys. I mean, she just dug the hole deeper than Grand Canyon. She's like, she's like, everyone would be peeing and then there would be crazy violence and we'd be getting fucked by all these guys. I mean, she just dug the hole deeper than Grand Canyon. She's like, everyone would be peeing,

and then there would be crazy violence, and we'd be murdering each other. And then the sex starts. Piss and violence gets Jackie going. Everyone's dicks are out. Everything's out. The creeps are out to play. Therefore, ergo, orgy.

I'm giving you a hard time. If I was watching a bunch of chicks piss, I'd be like, I want to fuck these girls. It would depend on the piss. If I think of piss, it looks like I could piss right back into that bottle. When I've ever given the thought of water sports, I could take that. But if some chick was really into this and they were like, let's do this, I'm like, I'll try anything once. But if it was coming out yellow,

I'd be like, this is not cool, dude. Both ways. If I was giving, receiving, I'd be like, you better be drinking a lot of Pedialyte. I want you hydrated to the fucking pits. Yeah, because when people are like, when people are like, squirting is peeing,

it's like, no, it's not. Like, I know what you mean, but it's not like it can be. You know what I mean? I like baths with the random. Yeah. Sometimes I forget you guys can hear me. This is past his drive-ons way to work. Like, this guy's spitting.

You just happen to be in the room, bro. I can say it. I'm going to kyle i hope you guys can hear me or see me and i'm just over here like you guys can do both i i think that too because i'm so used to listening to you guys and editing you guys that sometimes like when i'm here i like realize i haven't talked in like two minutes um my sister and i came up with this hypothetical and i can't tell if it's a really good hypothetical or a not good hypothetical by the way real quick sorry to interrupt you when i met your sister this weekend i thought i'd met her before i went in for the hug first time okay okay so she hit me with a nice to meet you yeah because i was thinking

about that later i was like have i not fucking met jackie i heard her say that i was like i don't know what you're saying okay because i went with the standard good to see ya which is what I say to everybody no but she came in for Survivor and all that shit well but he wasn't there for that but one of our live shows

yeah and you had met all those friends too except for a few but like you could've you had the right

to say hi to everyone okay I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I I I I to meet you as I was like half hugged. Like I hadn't touched her yet, but I was already clearly going in for a hug. And I was just like, oh, no, that's not what you want to hear. Yeah, I actually heard this and I meant to be like, why did you say that? I introduced myself to one of your friends and she's like, we've met a couple of times. I don't know. I forget. That's tough.

See, that's why I go good to see you. I go good to see you whether I've met you or not. I feel like good to see you implies. You don't know. No, I feel like it implies you think've met you or not I feel like good to see It implies You don't know No I feel like it implies You think you're seeing me again Yeah But it works if I have it

It could Yeah But I'd be If I heard that I'd be like This guy thinks we've met before Yeah But it's just my blank

I just use it on him How you doing Good to see you man Or you know what you really should do Is just compliment them Yeah Doesn't matter if you've seen him or not You go

That's a great jacket. Great jacket. Hey, I realized they're letting heavies in. Shake their hand and be like, if you were peed at the Grand Canyon, would you start fucking? Would you get in an orgy at the Grand Canyon and piss? Pretend everyone's pissing over this wall right now.

Are we banging? Talk about an icebreaker, man. That's my crazy boss. All right, but wait. What's your sister's hypothetical? Okay, no. So we were saying, so, okay, you're in a five-guy's bathroom, right? And it's very specific.

It can be a gas station bathroom, but you're in a five-guy. It's all a gross bathroom. You're in a five-guy's bathroom, okay? And you see an object okay and this object is covered in poison okay okay what does the object have to be in order for you to touch it and no so we're sorry sorry sorry sorry take that back what does the object have to be so if you're trying to kill all the men in the world it's a huge fucking wrinkle you left out what will men touch for them to die well and and i asked us

because one time i was in a five guys bathroom and i came across oh wait actually and i came across wait wait i forgot it kills every man or a woman so you're trying to guys to kill all men on how to kill all men without her harming women but it goes but it goes both ways so i see so i see this and i go what the fuck is that right ping pong ball right i said no i know i don't know like you're not you can look up at look at it up close so then i grabbed it and i could give me a million guesses i have no idea what that is in the bathroom is that like a a scent thing like no i picked it up and i was like that was crazy i don't know what that was i don't know continue is that the back of the toilet yeah no it was like on the um no not on the back of the toilet it's like on like a paper towel thing

not that it really makes sense but, but just kind of a does. Okay. So what would men touch that? So what if you had to kill as many men as possible, what would the object have to be? And if you had to kill as many women as possible, what would the object have to be? Oh, I know the answer. Scale? I know the exact answer.

There's a correct answer to this question. What? The top of the doorway. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That, that, that. Well, first of all, the problem is you're going to kill

like every 12-year-old boy. I was going to say, you're not killing men. Yeah, but you're definitely not. If you're trying to get all males, I don't know about ages, and no women, it's that.

If it was like a play like a champion sign. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody would hit that. But the doorway is like, I don't think I've ever seen a girl just jump and hit the doorway. But that's tough with a doorway. But older, you're right.

Because a doorway is like, it's open. I don't think I've ever opened the door and hit. Oh, yeah, it has to be in the bathroom. That's right. I was just thinking of the right thing. In the bathroom? Well, I mean, guys aren't washing their hands. And it can't be cash.

It can't be cash. And it can't be something that you oh we could just put something in there like you put something in so you're trying to kill all women so what my sister said is scale and i think that that's like men are really gonna stand on it oh if you're trying to kill the women yeah yeah if i see a scale i'll stand on it i'm always just like i don't know it's just something to do yeah i don't really care what it says if i just had five guys i'm not stepping on see okay i got a question there do you know like like what your weight is i like do you keep your weight in like a 10 pound window most people do i just like i feel like it just bums me out whenever i do it so i'm just like i'm i was just ignorant you're

probably what like a buck 60? I don't. I don't know. Like, I don't know. I haven't weighed myself since college year. College. Because I was just like, this is like, I don't care. I like never do it. I've never like gone out of my way to do it.

But if there's a scale in the room, I'm like, yeah, I'll check it out. Do you guys know? Do you like keep it in? I just started doing that. I say 230, but it can go 220 to two something. I would hope I'm between like 190 and 200. I tell them even at the doctor's office. I'm like, but it can go 220 to 200. I would hope I'm between 190 and 200. I tell them even at the doctor's office. I'm like, don't tell me. I don't want to.

That's really not my business, actually. I feel like if Jackie could be like, my tits are like 20 pounds. Yeah, or somebody would go up. Pre-reduction, you'd be like, I'm 200 pounds, but it's like all tits. In your bra. Yeah, right. Literally that joke. Or they say when you're on your period,

you can gain up to 20 pounds water weight. So I was like, I'm probably about to win my period. 20 pounds is a lot. That's definitely not true. But that is a good one. The bathroom is a little bit restrictive. I always joke, if you wanted to kill Barstool Sports, just poison pizza and send it here.

Everyone wants pizza, and we're all dead. We would all end up dead. The investigators would be like, what the fuck happened here? They ate poison pizza. So if it's not restricted to the bathroom, you could probably do a few more things that are a little more... It's a bag of Coke. It's a bag of Coke.

It's a bag of Coke. Girls are not touching the bag of Coke? No, you want them to touch it the girls are touching the coke everyone's touching oh but I'm saying if you're trying to kill one or the other

but girls are not doing this is why it's so crucial that it's a five guys bathroom because girls as much as they love coke they're not doing five guys bathroom loose bag of coke

that they found no but guys are so there you go you're coming out and you're going look what I found in there so loose drugs in the five guys bathroom you might kill a bunch of guys yeah No, but guys are. So there you go. You're coming out and you're going, look what I found in there.

So loose drugs in the five guys' bathroom. You might kill a bunch of guys. Yeah. Okay. Good to know. Did you see that Michigan baseball player celebration? No. Hit a triple, slid into third.

Went on the line, the foul line. Really? Yeah. You get in a lot of trouble? I'm sure he did. He got like 10 million views. Yeah, that's a lot. I'm sure. And he does it.

You know, he's like, you just slid into third. He's like. It's awesome. I believe it was Robbie Fowler on Liverpool. I think. I'm sure if you guys have seen this video, this also went viral. His last name is Fowler? That's funny.

I think it was. Yeah. Why is that funny? The picture is so funny. I'm not saying it was yeah, so the picture is so funny. I'm not saying it's funny, but it sounds like he fell. I think this started trending recently. It came back and that's

where he probably got the insight from. That's more or less what he did. Pull up the Michigan kid. He was like, I would imagine in college, you're going to get can you get fined and it gets like suspended in college right it was a different time when fowler did it i think it was early 2000s maybe 90s but like it was a big deal oh wait is that guy like hispanic too he looks like

that'd be funny if he's like colombian or some shit you know i thought it was a white guy mitch voight oh that's weird that's weird. I don't know. By the way, I started a long-form one-minute man I tried out today. So subscribe to KC Radio. I'm doing like four or five one-minute mans per episode. So usually like two or three of the videos that I did, maybe a little bit longer, and then a couple more news stories. Like I did Scalabrini and Belichick. And, oh, the St patrick's day roof collapse was

awesome yeah yeah that was old school barstool man that was like that would that's a video that would have got sent to us from the from the source you know where we would have had the we would have had that video right you have to go to barstool to watch that now these things go up on social media right away but that dude just got flattened by that roof there was one guy just boom the fact that nobody died in that was that that was that's just proof that like college kids are they can't they're they're invincible dude no dying's impossible dying is like the hardest thing in the world except except it's not though because then they'll be like you know the the the brian johnson guy who's living like risk averse and all that shit and he'll die, no problem. You know what I mean? I also think that this brought the Borgs to light a little bit because there's a guy drinking blackout Rage Gallants. And I think that's – if I'm not mistaken, I think that's getting – going viral in that like people are like, we got to stop the Borgs.

You got to see this picture of Boston because they were taking them all. They were what? They were taking all the Borgs and then there to see this picture of Boston because they were taking them all. They were what? They were taking all the Borgs. And then there's just a huge line of them. Maybe that's what it was. So they were confiscating them? Yeah. And there's just gallons and gallons and gallons.

It's just jungle juice in a gallon, right? It's just mixed. Wow, that looks like a drug raid where they're showing kilos of Coke. That one's fluorescent, dude that's glowing we made jungle juice in like a cooler and then you just drank cups yeah these guys just put it into a gallon it's it's just the way the the the way you deliver it you know um but then i added a couple more so if even if you're watching One Minute Man on Instagram, there's a couple extra ones. Some dude got $50 million from Starbucks for the hot tea, spilled tea.

It's actually a very funny video. He's in the drive-thru, and he goes, and he just drives off. And he said he needed skin grafting, and his skin was melting. Would you basically melt your testicles for $50 million? No. What about you?

No chance. I don't think I might do it. I think like... How's your dick rash? I mean, I am intensely like clean now. Oh, yes. What? I don't know.

I didn't really notice. Oh, nice. Nice. I like... I always showered really know I'm nice I like I you know I always showered but now I use like I like pour

like like beta dynal I just I'm like I'm never going through that again I'm probably like my skin's

probably gonna like fall off because I'm like cleaning it too much now you know but yeah all good all good all good

50 million. Remember that girl back in the 90s? That was like a big deal when she got 3 million from McDonald's. Yeah, old woman. 50 is fucking... That's money, dude. But also, it's the greatest example of, like, I don't know if it's scapegoating or like, what do you call it?

What do they call it? Oppo research on like oppo attack like she's like like like when you find ways to attack your opponent okay like it's called oppo research but like that's in politics but like mcdonald's basically just made her enemy number one and painted her as a dumb idiot and of course coffee's hot and all that stuff it was like three times as hot as coffee duty i'm totally on the side of the people on this one for all all these instances it's too hot it's too hot but it was like like that instance in particular it was like it was it wasn't like a cup of coffee it was a cup of fucking lava that spilled on her and was it was boiled to way too

high it should not have been served to a person everyone Everyone's like, yo, coffee's hot, so no shit. But I even think that when you get a – you got to put the sleeve on the cup because you can't hold it. Nobody can drink a cup of coffee for like the first 20 minutes. Yeah. What is that? We're just like, well, they're going to have to travel with it for a half hour before they drink it, so let's make it –

I would legit think that it's probably 200 degrees. I think it's like right under boiling. Yeah. It's insane. Right? I don't drink it much do you guys get a cup of coffee and just drink it right off the rip

I don't drink hot coffee I drink hot coffee and yeah I but I kind of like I always see people like we'll just keep drinking it yeah I always do

I gotta power through it if I burn my tongue it'll stay like you know like hairy kind of yeah it's like strings falling off I mean imagine that

on your ball sack but 50 million is like I'm not doing it for 3 million no way but 50 million dude I don't think I have

there's no number you could give me where you can have my penis well no okay I mean he didn't lose his penis

but like it's melted and weird they did say he needed to do skin grafts and shit. So it is bad. But I'm surprised that you wouldn't be like, yeah, just toss it on there and we'll roll the dice and see what happens. It's not even like... Like, if I just...

It's not even like, I'm going to take this and go right on your lap for $50 million. I would think you would say yes to that. It's more like... The transaction of it is what turns me off to it. If you want my dick, you can just take it. I don't give a shit. But like,

all right, if I dump this on you, I'll give you $50 million, but your dick looks like a melted candle. Yeah. I don't know. I'm out. It's not even the pain.

It's like you're going to have a weird dick for the rest of your life. That's kind of the problem. But would you take the pain level of that for $50 million? Yeah. If I did it to your arm? Yeah, right. That's the thing. it's it's the dick it's not the pain it's yeah it's the mutilation of your penis it's yeah like pain i can handle i can't look at a fucking raggedy dick

for the rest of my life right but let's okay so let's say your dick returns to normal sure yeah so that's a no-brainer right like yeah oh my god yeah you can do whatever you want to my to my whole body if it's a short-term pain and it's not gonna have lasting effects what if it if you need to do skin grafts and surgery but it returns to itself you're gonna have like a rough like six months to a year but you have 50 million dollars and you're back to your normal dick probably not what do you do with 50 million dollars whatever you want bro okay so this is another hypothetical uh-huh if 50 million you can do a lot well no i'm saying you can do a ton but like i feel like john's saying like i could do i do

what i want i gotta go to work i gotta go to work I gotta go to fucking well you don't with $50 million you don't but I still want to so like my day doesn't change I think $50 million is like a perfect amount of money to receive I think that's if I were to ask for money

agreed I would take $50 million well first of all it's $25 million and $25 million are you living in Austin? okay so if you if you

I've asked a version of this question before but if right now i told you like we're at what it's 209 p.m i say tomorrow you have to spend two million dollars or else you go to jail for the rest of your life are you able to do it you only have a few hours i can do it the one i think you posed this before we had to spend it every day i could do it once but that's a there's a movie called Brewster's Millions. I think that's the exact money. They say if you can spend $2 million in a day, you get $10 million. So how would you spend it?

There's some loopholes. And usually there's a stipulation that you can't have anything to show for it at the end of it. One of the tricks is you buy a very rare stamp and then mail a letter but then that's like that's that's just cheating you got one day checked off now the rest of my life that was like for the rest of your life yeah that's separate that's like crazy there's no point i mean if you can have shit to show for it at the end of the day you can yeah but even if i could buy a house i'd do a house but other than that but even even right now, that stamp, do you think you would have access to getting that stamp

by the end of tomorrow? Probably not. It's like the research. Even buying a yacht or buying an apartment, you have to get a broker. You could probably... You know what you can do? I was going to say fly private is really expensive.

You can do that, but even chartering those... Then you just have a shitty job. My job is I have to spend $2 million a day. And eventually that's going to fuck it up. I'm sure there's ways to do this. I'm sure there's ways to do this. You know, like, I just found out there's a bottle of Macallan that's like $50,000. Yeah.

You know, like, you can do things like that. But that's like, you know, even that. If you spend $2 million, that's not even a chunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, I mean, if you went shopping right now, you could, but it's the everyday factor. It's everyday. But, like, it would be really, really hard to do that in a day. Really, really fucking hard.

I just think there's some high-end shit that, you know, like, I don't think it is, actually. If you're trying to do it, I think you'd go to, like, an art gallery and find something that's two million dollars in one show. But then you have to show for it. I don't know why my head went here. Well, that's why, if the stipulation is you have nothing to show for it, then it gets pretty hard. Yeah, you can't. But that's not.

Yours is just like you just keep spending it, right? Well, mine was just literally one day. But the thing is. You could probably go to a New York City art gallery and spend $2 million on one thing. This hypothetical is like the perfect example of like mo' money, mo' problems, where it's like, well, yeah,

and then I have to spend it again tomorrow. And like, I don't want to do that. I don't want to go shopping for rare art and fucking look at like, I don't want to do that. I don't want to go shopping for rare art and fucking I don't want to do that every day for my life. Yeah. What did you say? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm going to send my man an autograph. Oh, you haven't said that. What were you going to say? There's definitely like prostitutes out there that are like a million dollars, you know. I don't think there are definitely million dollar prostitutes. Yeah. You can maybe go up to a woman and be like, I'll get a million dollars of sex.

But I don't think there's any prostitutes out there who are regularly charging a million dollars. You don't think so? I don't know. I bet you there are. I bet you there's some high. I think there's a whole world of high end shit that we don't even know about. A million dollars. I bet you there are. And that's their every day. They're like, it's a million world of high-end shit that we don't even know about. A million dollars. I bet you there are.

And that's their – every day, they're like, it's a million bucks. Yeah, but there's like – because there's the billionaires in different countries. I bet you there's like some sultans. That's like a hundred bucks for them. And they're like every day. Yeah, you go to like the fucking Dubai. But they would just kill you. Yeah.

Like if you – if they were offended by your offer. But they have ownership of – I don't know how to say it. Ownership of one of the prostitutes. So it's really like a ring where the guy's like, yeah, she costs a million dollars. But guess what? Now I own her. Yeah. I got to hold you over there anyway.

They might be buying them for a million dollars one time, but you're not paying a million dollars a night to loan somebody. If you are, maybe like if you became a sultan and you'd never had sex, maybe you're willing to go to a million for virginity. If you've had sex before, you're like, there's sex maybe you're willing to go to a million for virginity if you've had sex before

you're like there's no one's gonna be worth a million dollars yeah there's I mean well if Skip Bayless was offering that chick

1.5 yeah she was just a hairdresser bro anything's possible yeah and I feel like yeah I think it would be possible um

what are you gonna be a prostitute charged a million dollars I literally wish that'd be but girls say that shit but it's like alright you can't do it for a million but you could go out

right now and probably make bank to have sex you're just not going to do it pussy you won't even sell feet pics

I know that is a draw we were doing I don't know what I'm saying it was a draw we were doing some shooting the other day. Oh, yeah.

How did we not talk about this yet? Well, I'm only going to talk about one thing, which you weren't even involved in. Okay. But it was... We're not going to talk about what you texted me? No, no, no, no. Oh, that's... Okay.

Well, we can't talk about it. I don't like it when you guys text without... Without listening. But the... So we've been in Times Square a lot and shooting. It's actually very fun. but we can't talk about it I don't like it when you guys text without but the so we've been in Times Square a lot and like shooting it's actually very fun

we're like we've only done like one shoot in Times Square but like the community has welcomed us pretty open arms

like we're friends with the cops now they all like even the other mascots I wouldn't say that I would view them as like you're

creeping out of territory I don't think I'm liking them I wouldn't say they. I would view them as like you're creeping out of territory. I wouldn't say they're hating. They're yelling at us in Spanish, but it doesn't sound super angry. It sounds more like busting our balls, it seems like. You guys are going to get murdered by some Mexicans. Tommy was walking around with his head off, and they were like, Elmo, la cabeza, la cabeza. But the – so we were shooting there on Friday and we had seen like there's one little corner of like there was this big King Kong and there was a big Transformer and there was Batman. And then there was this raggedy clown.

And I kind of just gave him a what's up. We talked briefly and that was it. But then at the end of the day, I bumped back into that clown in the subway, and I was talking to him and his boys who are. It's the two guys coming home from work. Yeah. And I was just chatting them up, and we were like, I was like, what's the deal with the clown guy?

And I learned he did not speak English. He's Israeli. And he was explaining to me that it's Purim. Purim. He kind of sounded a little French. And I was like, what's Purim? And him and a couple of his buddies were trying to explain to me that it's a... God, fuck, what's the brain?

Archimedes? Archimedes archimedes archimedes empire 1500 years ago in 500 bc put forth uh in order to kill all jews on the planet kill all of them and it's celebrating like i was gonna say purim is like a jewish holiday yeah yeah and they're like it's celebrating like we're all still around got it it. We're still here. And I was like, why does everyone hate Jewish people? I didn't even know there was a separate Holocaust 500 years before Christ came. I was like, what are you guys doing, everybody? At some point, you got to look in the mirror.

At some point, there's a common denominator here. There's a common denominator here. You're telling me there's a different Holocaust I never even heard about where they fucking ordered to kill all of you? He's like, he's like,

yes, yes. I was like, why? He's like, I don't know. I don't know. That's crazy. They gotta have better PR

on the Holocaust. I was like, look, I like busting your balls. I like teasing the Jews as much as the next guy, but I don't want to kill everyone. What did you do?

And he just kept going, nothing. We did nothing. I'm going to call Ari real quick. I want to see if Ari has some insight on the second Holocaust. Because he would be technically the first one. Right, right, right. He would be the type to be like, yeah, listen, you know, we got to stop pissing people off. We're doing something

wrong here i mean that is but i do have one more thing i want to say soccer has too many championships it is an un uh like following liverpool this year liverpool has been at times potential for the quad which is because they have so many different leagues running at one time primarily europa you win premier you win uh fa caribou and that is too many and uh fucking your uh champions league and i guess it's kind of a sense where like you like you've, like, so what I'm getting at is Liverpool's going to win the Premier League, which is the one that matters.

But because they've lost the other three, it doesn't feel as fun anymore, which I guess kind of works in that way for, like, lesser franchises, if you will. Like, obviously, Boston, we had 20 years where we're like the only thing that matters championships but i guess in some leagues like or some areas like if you win the your division that's a big deal or if you win your conference that's a big deal and like yeah like just making the playoffs is a big win for certain teams right but like for liverpool particularly like i don't like i don't care about the premier league anymore now it's like oh man this is

kind of a loser of a season right because we lost three other League anymore Now it's like oh man this is kind of a loser of a season We lost three other championship It doesn't do enough to offset the three losses So it's like What you need is one You can have all those other things but then you need like a World Cup level To erase all the shit Yeah when you have like four of like They're all escalating importance

Similar ballpark I think Again I'm obviously not a die hard soccer fan so you'd have to ask a real fan but like i think the premier league matters the most yeah i would say at least to me it does because i've we've won the champions league before we've won the premier league before i cared about the premier league more i don't know what i'm supposed to care about more but what mattered to me more was premier league so now it's like we're gonna win win the Premier League,

and I kind of just don't care because I was like, oh, we're going to win the quad? And it's just like, oh, this is kind of disappointing now. We won the championship, but we lost the divisional round and the conference championship, so there's no way to obviously do it in our setup. But it's just like, oh, we're winning the one that matters the most, but because we lost the other three, it leaves a a it's gonna leave a bad taste in your mouth yeah i feel that i feel like it's kind of like uh the way that everyone keeps rebooting like old tv

shows so this like everyone's like we don't need more but they're like well we don't it makes us money so we actually don't yeah yeah they're not giving up on any of those things you almost just said that people say a lot and it infuriates me. Sorry. No, you didn't say it. You didn't say it. When people say nobody asked for this about a show. Oh, yeah. No one asked for any of the greatest shows of all time.

Who was asking for this? Who was asking for a teacher to get diagnosed with cancer and turn to drugs to fund his family? Nobody was asking for that. It's the greatest fucking show of all time yeah everything is just asked for this nobody it's fucking not as a matter of fact i would argue that when you make the things that people are asking for it's usually shitty content yeah yeah it's like you should make what the the brilliant creators think is a good idea not what the people are asking for people were asking for it yeah

that's how you get to like season you know 59 of like big brother yeah who's asking for. People are asking for it. That's how you get to season 59 of Big Brother. Yeah. Who is asking for it is how you get the Big Mac. Yeah. It's good, but it's not gourmet. Yeah. That's a good call. All right. We got Frankie Borelli for the Thursday episode, and then we'll get back into it with our voicemails.

Make sure you hit the line, though, and leave us some submissions, and we'll get you guys back on the air. Jack Pocket, Jack Pocket, Jack Pocket. Oh, Jack Pocket, Jack Pocket, Jack Pocket. sure you hit the line though and leave us some submissions and we'll get you guys back on the air jack pocket jack pocket jack pocket oh jack pocket jack pocket jack pocket jack pocket jack pocket jack pocket jack pocket that was uh the song for our new uh ad read it is called jack pocket it's not a new ad read we've done it many times it is the app to get official state lottery tickets and it has never been easier to do that thing thanks to Jackpocket, America's number one lottery app. Whether you want to do Scratchies, whether you want to do Powerball, Mega Millions, Pick 3, Pick 4, doesn't matter. They've got it.

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Make Evan Williams part of your game day. Trust us, you won't be disappointed. Visit EvanWilliams.com to find a bottle near you. Evan Williams, Kentucky straight bourbon Whiskey Bards, Town, Kentucky, 43-45% alcohol. Alright, we got Nick Murphy on the show, rocking the Wrestlemania gear, huh? Yes. I was there last year.

It was fantastic. Where was Wrestlemania last year? Philly. The Eagle Stadium. Dude, I've... I had a very brief fandom of wrestling as a kid. My brother and I took way too seriously. Our mom had to be like, it's banned in the house. We were like breaking furniture and all kinds of shit.

But I liked it then. And then I just didn't really think about it for 20 years or whatever. And I went to SummerSlam in Vegas. Yeah. It was like the coolest experience. Life changing. It was so awesome. Genuinely.

I'm really thinking about getting back into it. Oh, yeah. Banning in the house just make you go on the roof you know like you're only gonna just keep doing boys you're gonna find a way to do the rock i once i once tombstoned myself i remember well my buddy wanted to do it like he was like and i'll do like the tombstone and i was like i was like i gotta like test that out can we start with something else we're going straight to the bro and i'm telling you i think i like fucked myself up for life i jumped and just put my head into the mattress nope and like i felt my neck crunch not good and i was okay but i definitely was like oh like something went wrong there

yeah i was like i just tombstone myself like a fucking idiot to like prepare for our match you know oh that's great. You're insane. Oh, this guy can take it. Dude, I used to jump off our, I had a radiator in my bedroom,

old house. I don't think an old radiator. Yeah. And that was like the top rope. And I mean, my bed was, it was destroyed. Boom.

It was like, it was on the ground. The mattress was sunken in. We would bounce off the fucking floor. It means you're a fan. The Attitude Era was my jam. Undertaker's my guy. And he made an appearance on this one.

It was very brief because he's like 60 now. Was that the one where he came out and popped up behind Cody Rhodes? Yeah, he chokeslammed The Rock. He chokeslammed The Rock, yeah. That's the loudest building I've ever been in. When the bell went off. They hadn't even put the lights out yet. The entrances of wrestling are unmatched. Because everyone like oh everyone thought it was gonna be stone cold they were

waiting for the glass to break there were whispers in the crowd you know because they all know the script so they're trying to predict which is gonna be yeah but then that bell went off dude what do you think there's the bell undertaker's bell stone cold glass the rocks if you smell cena's was huge too when it came out When that music dropped And he sprinted out I feel like The music's one thing But you gotta have that Like if I

Iconic sound effect I would have a Yeah a car crash Or like that was Mick Foley Or something that's like The noise before Your noise would be

When you got Tombstone It's coming It's coming You're limping out I was such like There was like Another phase of my life where i was like i don't even get why people like this like it's so clearly fake that's how it starts and then you like started to pay again i'm not like i'm not pretending i'm like super in the world but like you hear about the storylines and you're kind of like oh that is fucking cool and like

yeah it's fake but when i went to summer slam and and it was at a time when, like, Erica was the CEO of Barstool, and she was on the board at WWE. So we had some kind of deal going. So we had, like, floor seats. I was sitting next to, like, Bill Simmons and Colin Coward and Wale. And, like, we had these great, great seats because of that. i could like i was like oh they are they're hitting each other they're fighting dude it's not fake like they were like it was you can hear the slaps it was i was here the wrestling was right there i was like i can hear they're hitting each other scott's into i don't know if this was true or not but i saw a tweet that said he broke his fucking orbital bone

who's travis scott travis scott punch cena whoa oh yeah like afterwards like he you know he's all bloody and and travis scott's like the like the final thing was like travis scott's good that the fact that travis scott was just in there the whole time for like one of the most iconic moments he's just sitting there like smoking a blunt or whatever he's doing yeah but he's you know he picks his head up and he's supposed to just like and i mean fucking wax him yeah and and i it said that he like broke a orbital bone and like had a concussion or something which is very funny because it's like you know i'm sure he can take it but it's like and that's not the worst thing that's happened to somebody at a travis scott show hey at least you didn't die, bro.

The Rock got crowd crushed. We had no idea. And I'm sorry, this is recent or this is a... This is when Cena turned heel and he just fucked it. Okay, great. I knew Cena turned heel. See, this is my thing. I'm not locked in. If I'm there, I'm fully locked in yeah but when i'm

not i do other shit but that's great time commitment so they must have not or they did coach him but he got the adrenaline it just went too hard yeah that happens all the time undertakers had both orbitals like replaced like surgically reconstructed yeah yeah the the summer time again my only point of reference so it's what I'll keep referring to But the Sheamus Either kicked someone in the head Or got kicked in the head Yeah And I was like

That's the most painful thing I've ever seen in my life Right It was a full on fucking kick That I heard the skull echo And I was like Holy I can't believe

I had the audacity To think this was fake When I was 17 Of course When Mick Foley used to Have his big matches Like His family would be there,

and they are sobbing. This could be the night. Yeah. And people are like, it's fake. Look at this little girl crying her eyes out. It's not fake. Mick Foley is so taken for granted. Yeah.

Jumping 50 feet. Fat, out of shape. He's like, yeah. Oh, my God. This could be the night. Say bye to daddy. He's backstage of shape. He's like, yeah. Oh, my God. These guys are awesome. Say bye to daddy. He's backstage with a hammer. Like, I got a new idea tonight.

I want to try. Like, Mick, come on. It's like, we don't have to do that, man. Just stick to the chair. Chairs are enough. We were in an awesome section, too. My buddy, shout out to Carl. He took a wrestling class with Cody Rhodes.

He knows Cody. No way. I don't know why Cody teaches one. I think it's fantastic at the level he's at. It'd be like John Mulaney teaching a wrestling class with Cody Rhodes. He knows Cody. No way. I don't know why Cody teaches one. I think it's fantastic at the level he's at. It'd be like John Mulaney teaching a comedy class or something. But he does, and my buddy won their little costume competition or something. So we got to take its family and friends section 50 yards from the – you think we'd be in the nosebleeds.

We're watching the guys. I got video. It was fantastic. That was last year. In Philly at WrestleMania. that's fucking amazing you ever seen cody rose's wife no yes she came she came out and uh lifted the belt with unbelievably gorgeous yeah she is like dude i would hope so next level you know i like the uh the clip of i saw a clip recently of cody rhodes on two bears and they're just like busting his balls for the neck tattoo not a lot of people can be famous for

the neck tattoo which I actually disagree with I think a neck tattoo there's no middle class you're either a lot of not famous people with neck tattoos or you're a rock star or you're like fucking Ronaldinho middle class doesn't get neck tattoos the other two do

but the they're making fun of him, and he was like, yeah, it was a bad one. Which I thought was really cool. He might have gone rags to riches. Maybe he skipped middle class. No, he said it's a fairly recent tattoo. Oh, that's all right. Well, that doesn't count. He's like, yeah, the guy put it on, and I was like, that's too big.

And then he started tattooing it, and I was like that's too big and then he started tattooing it and i was like well it's too late now it's already too late i just can't stand the like at a time i probably like the early 90s there was probably an argument of like it's not real and there are people running around saying it was real there was who was the guy that went on he was on like a show with bill maher and they were trying to argue with him he stood up and took his pants off somebody will know out there but he like he was ready to fight whoever it was that was saying it was fake it was a bit you're right it was a big deal back there yeah but to me it's just like no one's arguing that it's real of course they just argue that

it's fun you're going to the movie it's like yeah he didn't really that explosion didn't really happen he didn't really kill that person in the movie it's like yeah but i'm believing it right i'm allowing myself to be wrapped up in a store if you would just do that you'll have the best time that's the thing just get over that it's so awesome sucked in you can't not get sucked in to uh and like the mic work is like funny and impressive it's all like you know although there was there was one time i i so actually i had so much fun at summer slam like literally like the next week or two weeks later, Raw was in New York at Brooklyn, and I went again.

Had the same type seats. By the way, Raw is at the Garden Monday. I'm going to go. Oh, that's awesome. Greer will always send texts, and I always just say, I'm in. I think I'm going to go. I think we got Raw tickets. I'm not positive.

You just say yes. Why are we at Hamilton? What the fuck is this? I'm a yes, yeah. You want to go? Fuck yeah, I'll go. Check that out. Although last time, so okay, I keep talking about it.

The more I talk about it, I've been to a lot of wrestling. Last year, we went to Raw because Greer bought tickets. And this is when it happened, not that other time. We were in the 400s. I was like, Greer, what are we doing up here, man? He's like, you said yes, you're in. I told you. I thought we were going to get normal fucking human tickets.

Human tickets. See, that means you're getting too high on yourself, Feidelberg. That's not good. I'm not one of these plebes back here. I was like, this ticket could have cost more than $20. Why are we up here? But at one point, because we were so high, I went and I was like, I'm going to get a snack or something like that. And I waited in line at the concession stand for like – it was the slowest moving line of all time.

Yeah. Just insanely slow. I do a lot of games where a lot of beers are being drank. And as I got to the front of the line, I realized it was because they were making so many sodas because everyone was special needs. Oh, no. So it was taking so long because you got to wait for the foam to go down and all that stuff. Those are the people you were just talking about. What am I sitting with these fucking – I mean, I'm not going to say it, but you know.

Dude, there was one guy sitting behind us who was like – he was autistic or he was something. They do love wrestling. And he – Shane has talked about his ad nauseum it's fantastic he screamed the entire but like commentated like like like believed it was all very real yes and like it was full-on play-by-play like are you kidding me he's got the table and like it was one of those things where like at first you're kind of like this guy's gotta shut up yeah and then like after a half hour you're like,

he's got the fucking table! You're screaming with him. You're writing it with him. Yeah, yeah. And people won't know the difference if they're watching on the live feed. They're like, why don't we do that? I don't know. It is the ultimate, if you just let yourself have fun,

it will be the best. You have to get over that. They're superheroes to these guys. This is the beauty of it being in Philly, because they talk shit to each other too. The Philly guys, just the fans. Yeah. Because it's Philadelphiailly because they talk shit to each other too. The Philly guys. Just the fans. Because it's Philadelphia.

So they can't let each other have a nice moment. They still got to be dirtbags. I went to the bathroom in between when the ladies are wrestling or whatever. The line is insane.

So we're just waiting and this guy's having like a mental breakdown because he's so excited to see Roman Reigns because he's never seen him live before. He's almost crying to his buddy but he's being very loud because he's hammered there's 50 guys in the bathroom i just don't know i don't know man what i'm gonna do it's i've never seen him and this is philly out of one of the stalls you

can't see him it's closed you just hear roman fucking sucks and then the toilet flushes it was so funny just talking shit to this guy you know roman fucking i saw roman reigns in vegas once i mean in the super bowl where were you not a roman reigns guy he's never been my favorite but he's i mean you have to respect the the longevity you know i just i always thought he was very like the fact that he had like a title reign and a run and the popularity on the same level as The Rock and Stone Cold Hulk Hogan, I think he broke his record

or was close to it they have amazing characters, skills Roman Reigns is just a wrestler the spear I wish he had a cool finisher and maybe he does and I don't know so I apologize if you do but let's see it sometime the undertaker's got like three finishers yeah yeah you know what's he have

tombstone last ride the last ride and the show and the joke slam i don't know if it's a finisher but it's like his iconic thing yeah yeah so i'm i'm with you on that his intro was so sick though it's like the tribal yeah they had this whole choir and orchestra with His intro was so sick, though. Oh, Roman Reigns? It's like the tribal. Yeah. They had this whole choir and orchestra with him. It was fucking sick. The walkout, that one's long. The tribal.

Very long. Well, he's the defending champ, so he gets the longest. Who's the other one? Not Roman, the other guy who's the tribal chief. The Bloodline?

Yeah, there's a whole bunch of like, Is Roman Reigns, who's the, there's Roman Reigns and there's another guy with long black hair. There's like three of them. Seth Rollins.

That's who we should name. Oh, Seth Rollins. Seth Rollins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not one of the Samoan guys. And then now that we're getting to the bottom of it. Is it The Rock or Stone Cold? Yeah, I completely agree.

I was never. Seth Rollins has some of the most outlandish outfits. He goes crazy. He looks like Deontay Wilder coming out. He's got all the stuff on he looks like any nba guy in the tunnel yeah exactly like a pre-game just mike breen blue walkway yeah i love the uh the way john cena's face like literally changed have you seen these like that's that's the meme that's going around. He came out as a baby face.

He's smiling. His eyes, his mouth. And then he turns heel, and his face transformed. Really? I was like, I don't want to give him too much credit here, but I know he's been acting. I was like, you picked something up at acting school. This guy's been taking classes.

You look like a bad guy. His eyes turned down. His mouth turned down. It looked dark i was like there that reminds me of a gif i saw and it's a popular gif is that i didn't just see it but it's of christopher reeves transforming from clark kent to superman to not being able to walk well that guy's good yeah um but it's like it's it's like it's nothing incredible we like how to even get the

idea to do that sometimes less is more but you see like it matters so much yeah it's just him with bad posture into him having posture and taking off his glasses yeah you're like oh shit that's a completely fucking different person yeah yeah you guys watch severance yeah now you're talking dude you got to be two different people. Those are good actors. Or not this season. This last episode. Yeah. I actually almost tweeted it last night out of the complete blue. Yeah.

But I was just like, thank God Adam Scott doesn't actually look like that. Sure. Are you caught up? Yeah, I believe so. Yes. Because the new one hasn't come out. It's Friday, right? Yeah.

When they're showing younger him meeting his wife, meeting Jem and all that, and I was like, oh, he looks normal. Thank fucking God. I thought he was melting. His face looks like a wax. When he's sweating on the couch. He's all white. Every time he's doing the severance look, I'm like, damn, Adam Scott didn't age great.

And then in the throat backs or the flashbacks, it's like, oh, okay, he's acting. That makes a lot more sense. Oh, yeah. I'm going to go see him now. It's crazy. Is that the scene of money. Oh, yeah. I'm going to go see him now. It's crazy. Is that the Cena? Yeah. He's like different humans.

Yeah, I mean, that, like, it's like, yeah, he's acting. I get it. Those are actors. But, yeah, that shit is, if you let yourself have fun, it is the best. Yeah, the first one I ever went to was Kurt Angle versus Sting. It was, like, 2008 or something. It's still on YouTube. Yeah. They brought out Kevin Nash and Sting. I was like 2008 or something. It's still on YouTube. They brought out Kevin Nash

and Sting. I didn't know any of these guys. And by the end, I'm a full-blown fan. That was the thing. I remember everybody watched when they were like a kid. And then I had a buddy in like middle school who was still into it. And he was like my best friend. But I was like, this is so stupid. And he was on one night.

I was like, that was pretty cool. When's the next one? He's like, Thursday night Smackdown. I was like, okay, maybe I'll watch that. And then next thing you know, I'm buying pay-per-views. Next thing you know was on one night i was like that was pretty cool yeah like when's the next one he's like thursday night smackdown i was like okay maybe i'll watch that and then next thing you know i'm buying pay-per-views and next thing you know i'm tombstoming myself in the living room for real for real never suck my own dick again after that maybe i did yeah yeah discovered you could what'd you do that i had a match with the undertaker it's a long story um so what are you doing in town uh how are you it's more how long you're in town for because you're leaving tomorrow you live in atlanta right yes that and you're born and raised in atlanta born and raised decatur decatur east atlanta you've been in noon in georgia i

thought you were a philly guy the way you were talking in philly ended up i just thought no no that's just where the place was. I was just there one time. If The Rock would come to Atlanta, then we would have a different shirt. He doesn't respond to my texts. Not anymore. Decatur, Atlanta, okay. What is the comedy scene like in Atlanta?

Fantastic. I think it's one of the best places in the country to start. We have all the rooms. Very diverse. Every kind of demographic. And, you know, it is what it is. As far as exposure-wise, you know, you can make stuff happen. With the internet, it's been so huge.

Social media. Yeah. Like, I'm here talking to you guys right now. Right. But some of that was because, like, Sass, shout out to Harry, came through Atlanta. And I just happened to open for him. We hit it off. No shit. I've opened for him, like, two, three now i think atlanta is kind of underrated in general like a lot of movie studios move there right the rap scene obviously got all

the marvel movies rap scene is massive yeah yes what's what's that last one rap scene rap is a genre of music it's hip-hop it It's rhythm and poetry. What did you guys say? I'll introduce you to our most famous comedian, T.I. I don't know if you've heard of this guy. He's hilarious. It's called the Dirty South. That's the whitest thing I've ever heard.

Dude, even your face, you went like this. Yikes. We should have just gone with Oh it's a movie You haven't heard of rap scene? Yeah rap scene It's two white guys reading For a scene

To do rap Do Honestly guys So So me and Nick met Cause He did a drop in show In DC

Shout out to Francis dude Big time play from him I really appreciated that And you had done a show, or you had a joke about mentioning you were from Atlanta. Yeah. And since I heard that,

I've just been thinking, damn, it must feel cool to just crush in a black room. Well, that's the best. Yeah. It's the best. You mean a rap scene? Is it cool to crush in a rap scene?

Dude, it's like we always say, getting a compliment from a black guy is always like, yeah, you know your outfit's on point, your shoes are on point. Yeah, there's a bunch of... And then laughing at your joke, that's like the ultimate, you know what I mean? Of course. You made it. Yeah, the way that goes is a black crowd may take a little bit longer to get on your side,

but once they're there, it's your family. They got a healthy skepticism of white people yeah very understandable we call it a rap scene i mean we don't even understand what's going on but you know what i love about them is when they are like even you you can have we've had a couple crowds for our live podcasts where i'll be like that did not go well and they'll and then afterwards they're like, that was amazing. And I'm like, oh, word? Because you weren't showing it.

But if you're entertaining a black room, it's loud, it's raucous. Is that why you said word back to them? Is that why you did that? But it's like, you know, the energy is there. Energy is way better, yeah. White crowd, much more fickle. They can go but also lose you really quickly. I guess it just depends.

But yes, killing in a black room is a fantastic feeling. What do you think? Let's rank the races. What would be the best races to kill? Which races do we kill? The Asians? The, I don't know. I feel like a gay crowd could be great.

But also you could be like, all right, enough. Relax. I'm not going home with you guys. Right, guys? I mean, if you look at like – I mean, it's probably just best to kill with the white people, just business-wise speaking. Probably just best to have them on your side. Jeff Foxworthy agrees. Yeah yeah that's what i mean like just you know get get in with a stupid catchphrase with the whites and you're good to go but i think from uh uh feeling proud of your material point of view black people

yeah it's also like if you're big with the chicks it's like that's good for business but i don't know girls think you're funny who cares you got guys Girls think you're funny. Who cares? Guys got to think you're funny. Yeah, it's, I don't know if I have a specific, like a favorite. I mean, it's just, again, we have very diverse, like you'll get some half and half, some this, some that. Yes, there are black rooms, there's white rooms, there's hipster rooms, there's Latino rooms, but some rooms you just get everything. And it's just like, okay, I'm universally doing well here.

Yeah. You know? And so that's the best part of Atlanta. That's a good way to start because then you know wherever i go from here for sure yeah yeah but i mean kat williams talked about this too on one of the podcasts where he's like i was being funny for white people can i be funny for black people like you do have those thoughts and so you're like all right well let me make sure that i'm not sort of uh painting myself into a corner here demographic speaking so atlanta is a great place for that you have all the rooms you can get really good if you want to get good i mean sometimes you can just do certain rooms certain places here and sometimes you know you got business you got to

do a show money this that because some of them are mike's uh free shows that you don't always have time to get to right but starting out i mean i feel like that's how i got better i mean i'm not saying i'm chapelle or anything but like I got way better, I know, because of the diversity of the rooms in Atlanta. I also feel like you're at a point now, comedy's gotten so popular, I would imagine that any major city is going to have business entrepreneurs who are like, let's open comedy clubs. I'm sure at one point it was New York and LA., maybe Chicago, whatever. And those were the rooms. It's like there's just going to be comedy clubs or not even clubs, but just like open mics and traveling shows in all these cities now because everyone listens to podcasts. Everyone watches these specials. Yeah. So it's probably it's almost similar to sports where it used to be like you got to be in a major market.

It's like you can be a fucking Hall of Famer in Milwaukee now. Yes. And I think the same thing about comedy where, you know where there are some more prestigious rooms, but I would imagine at this point you can go anywhere. Yeah, we just got a new club, The Helium. That's where I just did with Harry, which was fantastic. That was what you did last weekend?

Did you go fishing with him? No, because I had other stuff during the day, but I know he loves to do that. Sass fishes? It's like all he does. I would not expect that. Sass gets? It's like all he does. I would not expect that. He gets his waders out and goes, fly fishes. He said he got some

really good bites, but he didn't reel anything in. Was that a Connecticut thing? Where he's from? He's from Mass. He's from Duxbury. I think. Is it a New England thing? I don't think so. I've never known. I've been a time or

two, but I've never heard of it. It's definitely a white thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's for sure. The fishing scene? Is that what you

guys have? What's fishing scene? Yeah. This is Harry Settle and Tip T.I. Harris. Bass fishing. Yeah.

Is T.I. still doing the comedy? I believe he is. Is he doing it in Atlanta a lot, or is he everywhere now? I don't know the answer to that. It was such a fun saga when he was doing it. I know, but you know what he did? He started out, I think, okay, but didn't he have a viral thing where he was like...

I think he kind of lost it a little bit. Called a woman a bitch? Yeah, that's what it was. It's a friend of mine. Was it? Yeah. And I kind of lost it called a woman a bitch yeah that's what it was a friend of mine was it yes and i don't care about calling a bitch but it was just like he it was like she was rightfully criticizing him for sucking right and she got called out famous you're a bitch it's a very i don't know if we have time for everything but it was a very long saga we switched venues basically i was doing one show and then ran over to the other show ti did the exact opposite so we basically flip-flopped but the show i ended up doing was called star bar in

atlanta it's a monday night show fantastic run by this guy rodney everybody knows him they put your name on the chalkboard if you're closing so i have a picture of ti with my name behind him in the chalkboard, which I will be framing at some point. But we basically flip-flopped. He wanted to go up late. The show was basically over. This is my understanding. Now, I haven't sat down with Cliff.

I'd love to sit down with you and hashtag it your side. And he just went up late and did too much time, and it wasn't going well. And so then, you know, you want to say something funny if somebody's not doing well, she's hosting the show, says something funny about him, he doesn't like it, they start going back and forth. At some point, yeah,

he calls her a bitch. And then it didn't pop off until the next day. I mean, the footage started to go that night because people get their phones out. But it didn't go crazy until he went on Instagram Live and said,

show me a video of me calling you a bitch, I'll give you a million dollars. That's what it was. And it was like, here you go. Buddy, she works at the bar. Yeah. I've been in the room, the camera room. It's 15 TVs back there.

Not to mention all of the audience and everything. Yes. It's not 1985. It's lasered in. It's him. Bitch. Yeah. She puts it on Instagram.

Now the Breakfast Club's talking about it. Yeah. That's how fast it was. It was like a 24-hour thing. Or maybe 48. I'm going to ask a question. I know the answer to it. He's a rapper. Did he make good on this? Absolutely not.

No. Of course not. No. He might have thrown her a little something. They went out to dinner. He took her out to dinner and they were on Instagram live, which was crazy. That's a good way to be like, alright, give me like $100,000. Yeah, yeah. I know you were being facetious, but like, I don't know, buy me a car?

Let's see what I can get out of this. Her name is Lauren Knight, so I can get the plug on there for her. That's who that went down with. So the next week, we all come back. But they're cool now? I don't know the answer to that. I don't know if they still talk. I have no idea.

And I don't want to get in the middle of that. I'm just reporting the facts of what happened and so then the next week he came back and uh now it's standing room only because the story's gone viral this is like a basically an open mic i mean it's a fun open mic but like it it was a standing it's good for business for everybody in that moment of course so but it kind of just turned into like a like a roast kind of thing yeah i'm sure and the first guy went up and kind of ate it and you could feel the crowd being like this is what we came in here for and lauren she goes your next comedian is white and i i thought it was one of my buddies who was definitely gonna go up and then she said he also looks very creepy and i was like oh that's me

and so i went up and just made fun of kind of both of them for like 10 minutes you talk about killing for a black audience. That was one of the best shows. Yeah? Yeah, and then I talked to T.I. for like five minutes. Yeah. And like, I don't know. He was justifying what he said.

I don't want to get into what was said, but, you know, I think these sort of bygones were bygones, I guess. I mean, everybody would hope for the comedy scene. It has thick skin. It was a fascinating saga to see all that go down. The problem is, uh, are we good?

The problem is, you know, you have to have thick skin in comedy. I saw a clip recently of Bobby Kelly talking about like, Hey, I think his point was that now he's older and he has kids and he's gone soft. And like, he's just has more emotions.

And he was like, you can't have that in comedy. You know, he was like, there were times I was on the road and, uh, like patrice would like make fun of me until i was basically crying but i wouldn't cry i would hold it in because you can't and you can't so you can't have that ego either you can't be like um ti it's like no you're not you're fucking well and those are some of the best comics today are patrice's friends i mean bill burr you know it's like because you

had to deal with that fucking guy you know and shout out to patrice i mean he's one of the best yeah and i know everyone like loves him but it's like i i think he was also very mean to his friends of course yeah it's like uh it's kind of endearing now that he's not here to do it anymore but if he continued to do that to me for another 20 years i would probably be like I don't like you anymore, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Leave me alone. But that was the era back then. That was the Attitude Era of stand-ups.

I mean, Bill Burr has said it on a podcast, I think, that it's like the new people, they'll say shit behind each other's backs, not to each other's faces. Do you think that people max out with the number of comics they follow or watch? Like audience members? Yeah. It's possible. I always kind of compare comedy and sports, but sports just has this never-ending, up-and-coming, rookie of the year, next MVP, and then you fade out.

Comedy, you make it on the scene, you're going to do it till you're like 65 so you never really leave yeah and part of me feels like there was like the kind of this like little crop that hit at the right time with the internet coming together yeah and and following kind of in rogan steps and that's there's like six to ten maybe that really made it and and i keep you know part of what we're doing here is always trying to find the next one yeah but i don't know if there is like i don't know if there's an amount of time that needs to go by or something needs to change, but I almost feel like people,

it's like I maxed out on the number of podcasts I can listen to, the number of specials I can watch, the amount of money I can spend on tickets. So you're not, if you're still going to see Gillis and Schultz and da, da, da, da, da, are you giving the next guy

who's just as funny as them on the come up a shot? You know what I mean? That's a fair point. Yeah, it depends i guess to become to become not mega you know it's always gonna be successful but to become that next exactly right how much room is there at the table yeah i don't know for me i just try to keep you know doing what i do and see if it i mean i get compared to shane sometimes in comments because we kind of like you do have the same cadence. Like a similar sounding voice, I guess.

But like, I mean, I've been doing stand-up 10 years. I was this way way before he blew up. You also just look like him. Like you just have like big white guy vibes. For sure. Not vibe. It's just what you are. Big white.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's – I don't know. I guess I don't really know how to answer that. I mean, I take whatever tickets I can get. Yeah, I mean, there is really no answer, but it's i i don't know i don't i guess i don't really know how to answer that i mean i take whatever yeah i mean there is really no answer but it's like but you're that's a fair point you need some of these guys to die i mean i because i've heard i've heard some of the other some other comics say that where it's like i think it was jessel nick was saying like shane's fans just want to see shane yeah they don't want to see anybody else right whereas

like again with sports it's like you like the game and whoever's good at the game and and so it's a little bit different but there is also like the part that music to the big i think the biggest names in comedy are all at the peak of what the age is for entertainment like everyone's like 40 ish right like mid-30s to mid-40s between who I think are the biggest names are Bargatze, Mulaney, Shane, Schultz. I don't know. There's more. And then in 10 years, they'll have aged out and there will be 10 new ones. Yeah, I do think of it as everyone was aged out against one out of as in like the massive celebrity of like yeah

like if i mean if those guys you know it's like if bargazzi keeps making a hundred million dollars a year for like i mean he's probably got a good like 10 minute like to go right i would think so i mean like like is nate bargazzi gonna be a billionaire? If he wants to, yeah. He probably could legit become a billionaire. Which is fucking crazy to think of because at some point you probably do slow down, but not anytime soon. But also, it's what I always do with money. An $80 million a year is probably like a $20 million a year. Right, when you reinvested all taxes. Taxes and everyone you're paying.

I'm not saying it's not a shitload of money. Of course it is. Yeah, Nate. Not impressed. I just think it's weird that we assume that's how much. Well, it's not that much money he got. That's how much money the tour revenue earned. It's just so crazy to me to think that everybody does put in their dues,

and it is a long grind. But there is, I think everybody kind of always has a year where they probably start at a club and finish at an arena. You know what I mean? Sure. It was a slow burn. But same thing with Shibuze. He had a picture of him in the same year he was at a bar

and then at the Super Bowl or whatever with Beyonce at the playoff. That's another rapper fight. I know him. He's big in the white community. You do an old rap song? Yeah, yeah. I'm in. Yeah, he really did just remix everybody in the club.

Tipsy. Jay Kwan. I don't think he got a dime on that. I think Jay Kwan got everything. Isn't that crazy? Jay Kwan, who recently bailed on an interview with us. That's right. Oh, no.

Not even. He was acting like someone from the rap scene. He was like two hours late. Oh, okay. It was like... I believe we were told he's playing slots and doesn't want to stop. There was no reason other than I'm not there yet. And I won't be there anytime soon.

And we were like, listen, I like Tipsy as much as the next guy. I'm not about to rearrange my entire schedule for Jake Kwan in 2024. I forget. We were in Vegas because we were there for the Super Bowl. We were in the studio in our chairs. And we just got a text like, Jake Kwan is on the floor of the casino. And he doesn't want to leave. And we're like, okay, well, we'll just leave.

Oh, he's in the same building. Yeah, just downstairs. He just didn't want to come do the podcast. That's kind of hilarious. I was almost like, talk your shit, Jaquan. What is Jay-Z running around doing? It might have been craps. It wasn't like he's at the poker table.

It was a tertiary... I wonder how he came out. If he was actually hot. Yeah. I mean, I can also understand if it's like, listen, I'm up fucking 100 grand on this table right now.

I'm not going to your podcast. I need you guys to bring the mics down here. I'm not leaving this table. That would have been great. This is my table. We are live from the craps table with Jake Kwan.

Everybody getting tipsy. Everybody in the club is getting money right now. You need to come down here. Bill Burr, new special out on Hulu. It's hilarious. It is great. I have watched this.

It is called Drop Dead Years. It came out on March 14th. It is very, very, very funny. It is very classic Burr. It is great. If we're being honest here, and I'm doing an ad read for you, I didn't love Burr at Red Rocks. I thought it was okay, not his best work.

I think Drop Dead is great. It's provocative. You know, Bill, you can get his provocative, unfiltered, honest point of view on everything from marriage and parenthood to dating and vice, and dropping dead, which is an age that bill is at now he could drop dead um with his signature raw wit and sharp commentary bill fearlessly pushes boundaries as he navigates the nonsense and weighs in on mental health social media and societal norms in his first hulu stand-up comedy special no topic is off limits with bill's refreshingly

candid take on the chaotic landscape of our world today. Like I said, I really, really enjoyed it. I think Bill seems good, which is nice to see in someone you like. He seems healthy. He seems happy. But he's still funny as fucking ever. So go check it out right now on Hulu. Bill Burr, drop dead. Running a small business means you're wearing a lot of hats.

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Give existing numbers with another service. OpenPhone will port them over free of charge. Yeah, that pop, though, it can be, you know, even if no matter how hard you worked or how much you deserve or grinded, I feel like there's always a moment of hyperdrive where you're like – Yeah, and comedy is a subjective thing. I didn't mean to cut you off, but it's just like everybody has their taste. My thing is like can you name the 12th man on the Detroit Pistons right now?

Yeah. Is he going to quit basketball because he's not LeBron James? Well, there's definitely – the Patriots and Tom Brady did it to sports, and I'm sure there's – throughout all of entertainment, it's like there's a middle ground, guys. You know what I mean? You don't have to just be the best. For me, this is the best job on the planet, so I'm going to keep doing it until the wheels come off. And if it means just following the path of Shane or Schultz or whoever it is,

it's like, well, that is what it is. And also it's a world where those guys are great for sure but there are also some people who are probably more successful than their comedy is funny and then vice versa some people whose comedy is funnier than their successes and that's the breaks you know signed up for yeah and it's like i'm funnier than you but you're making more money than me but we're all doing all right so like let's just keep going you know right i mean i started this with no money. You make no money when you start out.

I think that helps my mentality because there are some people that, whether they blow up on social media or whatever, and they expect to do these theaters out of the gate or even clubs, and it's like that's not how you build your mentality because you're just going to get mad when it's like half full or something. I'm not going to say for who, but I did an important audition last night, and it was a third full. Room was dead. Really?

But I'm like, I'm ready. Let's do this. The shot came up. I remember we were talking to Kevin Hart once about that where he was saying like – he was like, I would – oh, no, no. No. I forget who it was. All black people at the same time. Yeah, it was Don O.

Rawlings. I almost I almost like I was like, I was like, I'm not going to do the confused two black people thing. It's Obama or somebody. I can't remember who it was. Funny guy. But it was and he was like, he's like, look, I'll do I'll open for Dave and I'll give everything I have for 14,000 people.

Yeah. He's like, and I'll go do a show in fucking Brooklyn at 2 a.m. That's what I like. 50 people. And you're in that space of like, I'm used because I always I'm impressed by the people who can do it. Like, I'm used to doing 50 and now I got to do 15,000. Yes. And they but they go up there and they kill anyway.

It's like, wow, you really are prepared for anything. I've been on shows with Don L. I haven't been on one with 15,000 people, but the ones in a smaller room with 100 people or less, he brings the same energy. Yeah. And he's outstanding. Yeah.

Everybody knows that. You really have to do it for the love of the game. Yes. Anything. That's why I got into it. Even with blogging and the shit we do, there are people who are just trying to be successful. Yeah. and it's

like that it's not why you do it i can tell the difference you know when you go play pickup and you can tell who's good right away yeah once you hand them the ball and then they start doing weird shit with it and you're like all right that guy fucking all right yeah i think goldman said that i think about as soon as he sees somebody take the mic out of the stand he knows they can ball yeah yeah yeah because they're just comfortable on stage and the way they operate. He also said he can tell what kind of upbringing you had as a child by your free throws. Oh, that's hilarious.

He's like, I'm a great free throw shooter. My dad and mom fought a lot. Underhanded. He can really hoop, right? He's good. So can, who is it, Rick Glassman can hoop, right he's good yeah so can who is it Rick Glassman

can hoop right yes I've seen people say that yeah I think there's you can probably put together

a starting five of comics who I think can follow you're a basketball player right I played a little college ball

oh so you're one of them D3 but it still counts he was saying we had a tournament the other day of Barcelona

Ron told me it was a 1-1 I love that it was really fun and it's the perfect like if you lose it's okay

because it's either a lucky shot or whatever but if you're playing for real he was saying the worst spot to be is like a D3 guy because it's like you played college

so everyone expects you to win but it's like I'm not that good I could still lose but if you do you're the college guy who lost I could beat i could be lebron to one yeah if you get ball first i have like nine career college points and like every time i miss a shot it's like you stink where'd you play what was the uh am i allowed to talk to this guy

i don't know we let him out of the cage i've've been at SUNY Brockport, upstate New York. What's it called? SUNY Brockport. SUNY Brockport. Where'd you play? Birmingham Southern, which no longer exists. They just folded. They just ran out of money.

Really? Yeah. That's in Alabama? Birmingham, yeah. What was the one with Mississippi? We found out there was like eight colleges total in Mississippi. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's like a very, very shockingly low number of higher education institutions in Mississippi.

We have a guy from Mississippi who works here, and he got mad at the idea that people from Mississippi are dumb. And he was like, we got Ole Miss. We got Mississippi State. We got Southern Miss. He just runs out. And he really started to tail off. And he tailed off so quickly that I was like, hang on. How many colleges are in Mississippi?

So I looked it up. And the numbers vary, but it's between 8 and 20 in the entire state. Oh, great. And there was like 40 in a couple blocks in Boston. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Of course. They're doing what they can.

Well, Birmingham is now minus one. Knock it down, yeah. It was scary how out of shape we are like oh man because even playing to one like yeah there was a couple missed shots so you're really talking about five to six half court possessions yeah which is also embarrassing that it took like three or four shots one yeah but you know it's almost a jumper. It's almost as many colleges in Mississippi right now. It's the same number. It was a very low number of like checkup, jumper, game over. Like there was always a couple possessions,

which I actually thought was a testament to how bad we are, but it also made it a little more interesting. It makes it more entertaining. Yeah. But like that quick, that twitch muscle burst energy type of movement, when that's gone, that's gone. I'm surprised nobody got hurt because because you well i made sure i i said who's gonna tom segura themselves today i was just gonna say that yeah and i i made i mean i like i shuffled my feet a little on defense i was not about to

like i don't play defense not anymore so we played uh with a bunch of the producers as well yeah and um well i guess we shouldn't yeah but the producers were just way better in shape than the content people sure and it was like you know you you don't realize too that it's like you can't shoot when you're tired so it's like yeah i'm not playing good defense and i can't run up and down the court but also like i can't do anything because if you don't have your legs then you're all out of whack and if you're out of whack your shots not you know so it's like you think oh i can still shoot the legs, then you're all out of whack. And if you're out of whack, your shot's not, you know. So it's like you think, oh, I can still shoot the basketball. Not when you're fucking tired.

Do you think the producers had like a locker room meeting? They might have, bro. It's our turn in front of the camera, boys. Yeah, for real. For real. I was saying that it was such a shockingly bad display of basketball that we were at a public court. We were at like a Lifetime Fitness.

And it had glass, you know glass so people can watch basketball. And I was like, there are 40 of us out here. There's five to seven cameras probably. And we haven't drawn even the slightest of crowds. You would think at least some looky-loos are like, oh, what's happening out here? There's a bunch of cameras. Are they filming a movie?

Are they playing? No one stood by for more than half a second. Yeah, because it takes you six possessions to score one point. You know what was funny, too? In one of my matchups, I was like, I tried to cross over, spun, and he stuck with me, and I was like, that's it. I got nothing else in my bag. Not that I ever had one really to begin with.

You're like, all right, check ball. You don't even try I took him home and I said dude stop playing defense he just stuck with me didn't leave his feet for the pump fake

I was just like I'm done I'm out here you go stop playing defense no I would let him shoot and if you make it I'm out

if you miss it you will be out there was definitely a point where I was like I want to win this don't get me wrong but if you you beat me right now I'm happy like see but that's where you get hurt because that competitive thing and you could probably attest to this too you played you know high level ball it doesn't leave the competitiveness doesn't leave yes so somebody starts to do it trying too hard especially in pickup it's like all right this fucking bro you

think you're 18 still it's like so you try to make 18 still I used to dive on the floor for loose balls I used to take charges I used to crash the boards I ain't doing any of that I'm at the point now where I know but I used to what little I would have played 15 years ago I would still really try

and then I was like it is not worth a 6-8 week recovery from surgery because I tore something that's the thing I was like, it is not worth, like, a six- to eight-week recovery from surgery because I tore something. Well, that's the thing. I learned to hold myself. That's a lot that goes through my head now. Yeah. I was talking to another friend of mine.

You'll fuck up your money. You'll fuck up your life. Of course. You know, it's bad. He's, like, 40 maybe, and we were talking basketball. This was a couple of years ago. At the time, I was, like, 28, and he asked me how old I was. And I told him.

He was like, oh, yeah, that's when I tore my first Achilles. Yeah, you're about that age. Thanks for putting that in my head. I think, was it you who told me? Somebody told me that, like, statistically, basketball is, like, the number one way that, like, men get injured. That wasn't me, but what doesn't surprise me. Oh, that's great.

I watched a teacher, like, tear his ACL the other day. Yeah. See, those are the ones. And now it's like you're fucked. Yeah. Especially, I mean, that's one. If you, like, work are the words. Now it's like, you're fucked. Yeah. Especially, I mean, that's one, if you like,

work construction or do something where you need to be on your feet and like working, it's like, now you need to like, file for like, workman's comp

because you were dicking around on the court. But that's the worst. Now you gotta go back to class. Yeah. For your students. You gotta boot on. How's that crossover,

Mr. Jones? Stop, dude. Dude, I was thinking about the other day where I was thinking if I other day Where I was thinking If I were to Severely injure myself I'd have to move

Cause I don't There's walk ups here I don't have an apartment in my building You don't realize your life can be fucked I would have to either literally move Or move into a hotel Until I could start walking again. I've had a whole bunch of injuries and surgeries over the years.

And I had a pretty much permanently dislocated shoulder. And I had a pinched nerve in my back. And I got surgeries before we had kids. Because I was like, I've got to fix this before I have kids. Because if you're injured or hobbling around and picking up babies and shit, you can't do it. It's like, I got to get this done for this next stage of my life. And if you had toddlers running around and shit,

all of a sudden you're just like, I can't get up, I can't walk. That means your wife's doing all the work, and then you two are fighting. You might lose everything. You tear an ACL, you're getting divorced. That is a funny premise, premise though you're basically rehabbing to be able to impregnate your wife the doctor's teaching you how to walk again and do hips you know we're doing hips today i'm very excited i mean it was for tom he it was you know a nightmare for him but probably like a blessing in disguise if you look at him now. He's in such great shape.

He turned his whole life around. I'm sure if you said to him, actually, I really don't know. He's in such good shape. It's an interesting question. I'm sure it was hell for him, but it's like, if you could go back, you wouldn't have got injured and you would have stayed your same

lifestyle versus now. He might take the new lifestyle. He's like, I would have broken the other arm. He looks so good, people think he's sick. I've seen comments where people think he has cancer or something. No, I'm just not fat anymore, bro. No, he's just got his shit together. I shaved my head and I got in shape.

Yeah, that is – but there is – it's very funny to like, the mind, the body goes, but the mind still thinks. No, the competitive thing. It's eased off a little bit for me. Like, we were out playing darts the other night, me and some other comedy buddies. I'm like, I don't care if I win this. I'm not 16. I'm not trying to impress some girl here. Right.

But, again, it can restart on you that reptilian brain I'm the same way until it's close like when we start playing I'm like I don't care let's just have fun guys and then if it's close

halfway through I'm like alright well that sucks for you if you're only playing to one that's always close but even that one once

once because the other kid the kid I was playing was really good and once he missed a shot and I was like oh the door's open I was kid I was playing with, really good. Yeah. And once he missed a shot. Yeah. And I was like – Oh, the door's open.

I was like, door's open. I was like, lock in. It turns on. Yeah. Yeah. And the next thing you know, you blow an Achilles. Well, dude, it's because I wasn't a basketball player. I was a hockey player.

Okay. And I remember like probably like my mid-20s, mid to late 20s, we had like a pickup thing here. And like what I was good at when I was good was I was a very good stick handler. And I remember I was trying to stick handle, and I just couldn't do it. And literally, it really all settled for me where I was like, oh, this is how getting old works. My brain, I know how to do this. My hands just cannot do it anymore. That's really weird.

My thing was a time thing. My first day, so I didn't finish it Birmingham Southern because at a certain point like it was a very small college it was like 2000 or less than that maybe 1500 so at a certain point I felt like I was doing high school twice kind of and I knew I'm not going to play professionally you know I was good it was good shooter but you know you kind of know where the ceiling is with yourself so I transferred to UGA where I'm from. Well, Georgia, not Atlanta, but I had some friends that were there already. But I remember my first day after class, I'm like, what the hell do I do right now? Normally I would go lift weights or I

would go to practice. So it's kind of a weird like, and I don't know if that ever happened to you as a former athlete where you just don't know what to do with your time necessarily. I didn't go to, I didn't get to college. So so like i well whatever but like even high school practice or whatever like there's no more practice yeah what do i do now this is when i knew i was not really a competitor it's like my favorite day of the year was like the final day of the season no more practice like let's go play fucking video games and chill like this was you know i'm talking like high school and like early on i was like let's go ride bikes and drink and shit there was like probably like i i like you could probably make the argument that i've still like never gotten the same because i liked it so much and i was like i

don't know what to do anymore you find other things amplified when you're playing that talk about the pros uh when when that's over i mean what the hell do you do now especially when that's over. I mean, what the hell do you do now? Especially when it's like, yo, old man, put him out to pasture. He's 36. And then it's like, I have 40 more years to go, but people have basically told me my life is over. There's a video I always reference of Steve Francis. Remember him from the Rockets? Fantastic player.

And it might have been out of context, but there's a video of him in a nightclub somewhere. He's old. He's overweight. He's got double bottles of God knows what. And he just looks like he's staring to nowhere. And there's people all around him, but he just seems alone. And he just dumps them both on his face.

You're like, man, this guy misses the lead. I would assume. I mean, that's the read I got from the video. I had a buddy once. We were at Foxwoods. And he was like, dude, that's the read I got from the video. I had a buddy once. We were at Foxwoods, and he was like, dude, that's Antoine Walker. Antoine Walker? He's in the Broke documentary, yeah. And we were like, oh, shit, that's fucking Antoine.

I love Antoine. Yeah. And my buddy bought him a shot, and he did the shot. And then almost as if other people had demanded it as recompense for buying him a shot, he just started doing the Walker wiggle. Yeah, yeah. And we were and we were like oh no you don't have to do your supper dude like i know this is a cameo we're not gonna give you 300 for this yeah like did you think like no we're just like like we like antoine walker oh yeah let's get him a shot it's all he knows how to do when that many white people approach him yeah just like keep them away shake it yeah you want to do the thing all right i'll do the thing i know what these guys want yeah

that is a funny thought of anton walker being on cameo just shimmying 45 times a day next yeah next it's like well he needs the money i think from the broke documentary kept opening up bubblegum shops with his buddies yeah you need you need 10 million all right no problem yeah we can do that the hawks actually just like where did he end his career he went around i think he was bouncing around for a minute yeah yeah he was dude i was the biggest twan guy in the world oh i'm sure he was huge wait because you're are you boston yeah yeah okay i don't know if we established that but yeah yeah it makes sense he yeah he was was – even like him and Paul Pierce are the same draft, I believe. I didn't dislike Paul Pierce, but he wasn't Anton Walker.

Yeah, Paul Pierce is very – people just don't – he's not a likable superstar. Celtics, the Mavericks, the Hawks, the Heat, the Wolves, and the Grizzlies. And then even his commentary. And then he said he was better than Dwayne Wade or something, and everyone laughed at him on the panel. That's got hurt. He's had – from where I sit, he's had a... He made $108 million in New England.

Antoine Walker? Yeah. Spent about $200. Yeah. But the... Yeah, Pierce... Once Draymond Green got him with that burn. Oh, that's right.

When he was not doing a tour for you. He was trying to do, like, a farewell tour when he was with the Clippers. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah, yeah. And he was at the free throw line, or maybe someone else at the free throw line, and they were both in the blocks. I remember. And Draymond Green just kept yelling, they don't love you like Kobe.

Nope. Why are you doing a retirement tour? They don't love you like Kobe. It's hard to do. I don't know if anyone pointed this out. It's hard to do a retirement tour with a different team. With a different team, yeah. If we would have stayed with the Celtics,

then that would have been a more memorable thing. The only way you would get a retirement tour is if one team, you have to be like an immortal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. I think so. Maybe, like LeBron will get a retirement tour because he's like that good.

But otherwise, it's usually like a franchise guy and that's it. Yeah. But if you go to the Pistons or something, it's just like, what? Dude, that would actually, if I was a role player, that would be my bit in the NBA. If I was retiring after a six-year career, six teams in five seasons, I'd be like, I'm doing a retirement.

End of the bench, every game, you just stand up and start waving. What the fuck is that guy doing? That'd be very funny. Did the Celtics get me L.L. Bean boots? Yeah. So what are you doing now? Are you on the road? So wait, are you living in Atlanta now, or are you? Yeah, yeah.

So I'm still based out of Atlanta and just kind of traveling wherever. I mean, if the time comes to need to make a switch, I'm happy to do that. But, you know, for now, Atlanta seems to be a good hub to keep home base and then make trips like these. I'm going to Austin next week. So it's been going good for right now. And I'm doing this festival, Moon Tower, that's in Austin in April, which will be a lot of fun. I was on it last year as well. So, again, just kind of keep making progress.

My thing is, like, was I better than I was last year? I'm not really worried about who's ahead of me or who's behind me. Am I making progress? Am I getting better? As long as those are still yeses. It's a healthy way to look at it. And I'm still enjoying doing stand-up. Dude, especially once you realize that.

There's always somebody ahead of you. Of course. You think you made it. Even the guy who's probably, whoever's considered the top, is probably looking up at somebody. Yeah. I say this now, but I might be back on a year from now. I'd's probably, whoever's considered the top, is probably looking up at somebody. Yeah. I say this now, but I might be back on a year from now. I'll be like, Schultz is done, man.

He's got to get out of the way, man. That Damon promo was wild, man. Oh, I thought it was great. If Matt Damon's doing your commercials for you, you made it. Yeah. And he held his own with the acting and everything. It was good. Also, it was an was good also it was

an awesome awesome promo and i something about it while i was watching it where i was like matt damon looks like a odysseus i can buy this that's funny he just came off set yeah cool because someone someone i forget who i was talking to recently we might have been yeah he said schultz was telling charlamagne how it all came about, and he said that he was DMing with Damon, and he was like, I'd love to do this. And Schultz was like, when? And he goes, well, I go to shoot The Odyssey on Friday, so Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday.

Like, squeeze me in before my Nolan movie. Hilarious message to get. Yeah. Crazy, man. It's like, whenever the fuck you want to. Yeah. All right, man. Well, that's good shit.

So, what are you, Nick Murphy on, you want to plug anything? Handles or anything like that? I mean, I guess just my Instagram. Yeah, Nick10Murphy on Instagram. I mean, this kind of all started with you, which I appreciate. You didn't even know who I was, and you reposted one of my jokes. Yeah, I mean, I'm always trying to, you know, we were very lucky, and we had a lot of good guests during that kind of boom.

Yeah. And a lot of those guys came through before they blew up, so I'm always, you know, hoping to do it again and put more people on and expose more people. No, I love that. And it was just by luck that I met you. Right, right. It kind of all came back together, yeah.

In the weirdest green room of all time. Yeah, that was the DC one? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it was like a Motel 6. That's crazy. And then it was two a motel six it's crazy and then it was two bet francis is laying down on one of the twin beds and then there's another one just empty you're at the desk everyone was always trying to figure out like do i get a seat or do

i have to like lay awkwardly i was like guys you want to gossip what do you guys want to do let's lay down yeah we had uh andy letterman on like two days ago yeah and we about, I think, I think we were talking about when I was in D.C. Maybe it was her, but I was like, it was like, yeah, and the green was so weird. It's like, the one with the beds. It was like, yeah, dude, the one with the beds. Right away. You're like, do we fuck? What is happening in here?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Nick is incredibly, incredibly funny. I don't remember when I reposted. Do you remember what it was? Yeah, it was about my black teammates using the N-word, but then it turns out they're all white. Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah.

That was great. That was fucking hilarious. Thanks, man. Yeah, that one did really well on Instagram. That was very funny. Which, by the way, I mean, obviously that is a joke because I haven't actually cleared that up yet, but there is a part two.

I was given the N-word pass by my black teammates, which, you know, if you haven't gotten that as a white guy, you've got to get cooler. If you don't have a black person that's at least wanted you to say it for fun. Dude, I had it at FSU. It was a kid who – I think everybody has a pass down there. Dude, it was a kid who was in my frat.

He was also a safety on the football team. And we were driving in his car one day and I was singing along probably some 50 Cent song or whatever and then I stopped at the N-word and he pulled over the car.

Oh, that's great. And he was like, what the fuck was that? And I was like, I didn't say it. He's like, I know you didn't say it. What, you think I'm a pussy?

And I was like, no, I think I'm a pussy. I'm not saying the N-word in front of you, dude. Mine was the whole team and we're in a van going down to a tournament so I'm trapped

say it well it was half and half so you gotta make up your mind wait half saying half white black or half saying don't do it no it was all black and I'm the only white person

even the coaches were black but there were black guys saying don't do it yeah and you were literally the one and I'm the one white guy oh it's tough what'd you go with

if I had I was in the middle otherwise I would've jumped out of the van out of the middle seat what did I would err on of course I did caution on well the joke I was in the middle. Otherwise, I would have jumped out of the van. I had a middle seat. I would err on the side of caution. Well, the joke I was doing on stage for a minute, I'd be like, it was not worth it.

They beat the shit out of me. It was bad. I should not have said it. But no, of course I didn't fucking say it. Being the only one is very funny. When I was much younger, I played on teams where it was like, there's a couple of us and we kind of banded together and there were jokes. But if you are singularly the guy, it's very funny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And sometimes just getting the pass is enough. Yeah, right, right, right. The fact that you're even saying this. Have you seen the Sam Morrill joke where he talks about getting the consent is enough sometimes instead of sex itself? Yeah. Just the fact that you'd be willing to let me. Yes.

I feel good about myself. I got off that vein like I could have fucked all those guys. I could have smashed. That would be funny. That's a funny thought, too. Even the guys who were giving you the pass, if you were to say it, they're like, ooh, I regret it. No, don't do that again. No.

And then it's like, what did you go? R, no R. Yeah. Gary always just posted a clip of some guy at crowd work just being like, do you say it? And he was like, Jesus fucking Christ, dude. What the fuck? I can see people asking Gary over that.

I was going to say, he would be the guy. Not even to your wife? I mean, no, like when you're telling her to get you something. Not like in public at least you said Gary Goldman at first and then it clicked you said Gary that makes a lot more sense

Gary Goldman not so much that would be the biggest meltdown ever if Gary Goldman said it imagine he just goes like Kramer well that's the famous one

it's only two rules of stand up is don't steal people's stuff and don't do a Kramer. That's really the only two rules. It's kind of crazy that Richard's had that episode of Curb where he kind of had a little, not resurgence, but they joked about it or whatever.

Well, the great video is the apology on Letterman. Have you watched that? Yeah, that was fucking insane. I don't know if I've seen that. You've got to watch it. I actually watched that recently. It is outstanding. Jerry's on the show.

Yes. And he sets it up, kind of, I think. He wanted like, I think he wanted. But it's like, he makes it like a serious thing. Yeah. Soon as Richard's going, he just looks funny. And you know the situation. And the studio audience starts to laugh.

And he starts to try to joke there's a delay in the feed. So he's answering slowly. And he keeps saying Afro-Americans, which is already like, brother, you're already teetering here. And they start laughing. He's like, it's not funny. Stop laughing. It's not funny. It just makes it worse.

Letterman's laughing. It's like the teacher being like, don't laugh. You're going to laugh. Dude, I might tear my ACL right now with how tense my leg is. It was crazy they even tried to do that. And that was like a day after, right? It was not like a long time. I don't know how recently, but yeah, they were trying to do damage control.

And it just had the opposite effect. People just laughed at him out of the feed, basically. It was impressively hateful. Like it was so, he didn't just say it. He was like, oh my God. He just keeps mentioning the rage. The rage just took over me, you know? This is on Letterman?

Yeah. He's in like a different, he's like zooming in. He's on Skype. He's not in the studio. Yeah, it's over the computer. They turn on a video of him apologizing live. Had to be like the worst PR blunder of all time. Like whoever set that up is like, that was a bad fucking idea.

But it's such a funny video to watch in retrospect. Yeah, don't steal jokes. Don't do that yes and everything else should be all right of course of course and just and don't worry about who's ahead of you you know right right i mean i thought i was impressed with you because i i didn't even know i was like how long you've been doing stand-up and you literally go that was like my 10th time i think i was like what the fuck what i know i know he's fucking so he keeps being so like self-deprecating about it i'm like like, no, bro. Well, you should be.

That's how you'll get better. But the fact that you were going first, too, because I know some of the sets were different than some of the other ones. You've got to go first so you can learn how to go last. That's a hard thing to do is start the show. You've got to be a host, mess around a little bit, feel them out. Crowds warming up. That was an interesting thing that Francis was kind of teaching me

where he was like, yeah, this is a different job than the second for you to be willing to do that is big also because like uh that's what i've been impressed by by all the barstool guys that i've worked with is because you don't you don't know people i've worked with influencers i'm not gonna say who but like you can tell this person expects arena level treatment you guys are all humble dudes on the stage like i didn't know what to expect from harry the first time i worked with him i thought he's gonna be like a bro like shotgun of beers and everything's not about us and we're actually kind of i said it on boy dad two days ago where i'm like i thought it was gonna be wolf of wall street when i walk in here you

guys are throwing midgets into the wall and stuff because actually at heart especially early on maybe not so much anymore yeah but at the beginning, we were like internet nerds. We were bloggers. It's like we all had websites set up to blog. If you don't spit in my face, I am happy with how I'm treated. The bars were really low. We always, when we were touring for the podcast, it was like, what do you have on your rider? And we were like, bottles of water?

I don't know. We're good. Microphones? Yeah. That did become a thing. Can we get water? Yeah. I don't know. We're good. Microphones? Yeah. That did become a thing. Like, can we get mics? Yeah. If a stage comes with mics,

like, all right, then we're all set. No, that's great. So every time I've worked with you guys, it's like you're just, you give a shit about the process, you know, about doing good. That's nice of you to say.

But because what kind of, like, I don't know. You gotta be colossal. The more we do this kind of stuff, I'm just like, you know say. Because what kind of, like, I don't know. The more we do this kind of stuff, I'm just like, you know, the phrase people always say is like, you know, he's an asshole, but he's earned it. I don't think that anyone, that doesn't apply to fucking anybody.

You can earn it and just not, it's like, I got the pass, but I'm not going to say it. I'm sure, yeah, I guess I'm successful enough that I could be an asshole, but I'm just not going to. Right. And then, yeah, all you guys have been very nice with uh i mean even just the francis guest spots that was just by chance i just ran into him at the stand here in new york yeah i told him i was gonna be in dc at the same time doing much smaller shows and he said dude come by the loft hell yeah i'm hop on so you know that's how i met you guys and all that shit

that was awesome that was like that was my first weekend like doing it and that that was so cool that you came too because i was like oh like i'm getting the experience like a drop in and i'm like i got i'm trying to learn i'm not yeah going first will make you cut your teeth quick because you got to get them going you know the best the what everybody says the the feature spot is sort of the money spot that's the second spot the set yeah the guy in the middle. They're ideally already hot. If they're not, then you might have to do a little bit of hosting yourself. But ideally, yeah, it's already red hot. No pressure to close it out.

You blaze through your 20, and then you're done. You don't even have to go back up and introduce the last guy. You just go get hammered or whatever you want to do after the show. The host has to get them hot, and then obviously the headliner's you know make the ticket price worth it yeah so the the feature spot is like the easy spot i mean that you know easy whatever in quotes but you know what i mean so it's very good for you to go first like that and have to you know learn how to crack them open and different little tricks and this and that it is the stressful part is like i

know the other people are funny so i just don't want to ruin the show yeah you know what i mean like yeah it's just like don't go have a fucking disaster up there yeah i don't think you did i don't think you know you only said the n word like two three but it's that with a barstool crowd you gotta get to seven eight times before they're like whoa heidelberg yeah all right bro right, bro. Good shit. We appreciate you coming through. This was awesome. Thank you so much, man. Go see Nick Murphy on the road.

Do it. Please. Please. Please. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.