KFC Radio - KFCradio: 10 Pumps & 100 Buttons

Episode Date: May 24, 2018

Does it count as sex if it is less than 10 pumps? Would you push a magic button that gives you $10,000 but has a chance of killing a loved on? Is Prince Philip the Ultimate Beta? Is it better to have peaked in high school and know it, or not know it? Mermorial Day when you get old is less fun, Feits first time was awkward, eating alone can be great, pregnancy scares from hate sex are bad.Episode presented by:Seatgeek $10 off with promo code: KFCFor Hims $5 off right now ForHims.com/KFCBlue Apron get 3 meals free BlueApron.com/kfcDKMS text BARSTOOL to 5055515% of everything in the Barstool store store.barstoolsports.com promo code: KFCRADIO You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio brought to you by SeatGeek. Summer is upon us. That means baseball is here. That means concerts are here. That means you're going to be going on dates. You're going to be taking time off work. You're going to be planning fun events with live entertainment. And the best way to get tickets to all that is through SeatGeek. SeatGeek is the easiest app to find the best prices and the most guaranteed tickets in

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Do you ever have that happen to you? Don't be that guy. No, that's got to be worse. On a date? Yeah. It was like high school or something like that. You just want to kill yourself. Yeah.

I've actually had it happen twice. It happened to me at a Bruins playoff game, too, this year. Like game two this season. Gotta go Seeky. Yeah. Full guarantee. We even walked up. to me at a bruins playoff game too this year um like game two this season gotta go seeky yeah full guarantee i mean like we even walked up like we like knew they were fake but we still tried anyway it's like a fake idea at the bar like as long as you got confidence i'll let you in yeah no man they're gonna hit it with a fucking electronic gun and if it doesn't work it doesn't work yeah the red x is like painful like like dennis reynolds no yeah it's like no just stop

yeah it's like you stink as a date. And it's like, you know, chances are the girl doesn't really care. But that's a bad look. It's like a credit card getting declined. Oh, no. I think the girl cares. I think that'll affect me. You think?

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Enter KFC and get $10 off that first purchase. Last episode before Memorial Day weekend. Hopefully everyone's listening to this on their way to the beach, on their way to the shore, wherever you're going. Just getting out of the office. It's time for the summer. I'm excited. Are you? It doesn't mean anything to me anymore. It just means that the weather is hot.

Summer, as you get older, means less and less and less. Like when you're a kid, summer is the greatest thing ever. Yeah, I'm a child. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I guess that's why it's so awesome for you. You get a full three fucking months off of school and you're too young to work. So you literally do nothing. Maybe you go to like camp.

That's it. I used to sleep over camps. Did you? Were you with the Jews? Fuck no. I was at a hockey camp. Yeah, okay. That's different.

A sports camp is very different from camp camp. Like, I did basketball camp at Forum. I did a baseball camp. Those were mostly day camps. But then, if I ever did a sleepaway camp, I only did it like twice because it's fucking weird. It was like camp camp, like fucking woods camp. Oh, hell no. No, no, no.

I did that. I did, when I was younger was i did a day camp like that it was camp cathedral um so you did some catholic shit no uh i guess yeah i guess the camp cathedral i guess they're sure but like i don't recall ever having anyone doing like bible reading no fuck no i went i went to like a like archery i went to like a religious like undertone one it was like cyo like catholic catholic youth group stuff I was like, don't you try to push any of this Catholic shit on me. I'm already Catholic enough. I just want to fuck around here, alright? Yeah, we never

we definitely never had, like, I would remember if we had church services and stuff like that, but we definitely didn't. But then as I got older, I started going to Providence College Hockey Camp. There you go. Sleep away. And it was like, I'd go for two weeks, so I'd stay. Oh, shit. And I would do... How old are you talking? Early teens. 13 or 15 15 probably something like that again this is why you are you're like you're like

you started the clock on aging quickly that's why you're like 30 going on 50 because you were like an adult when you were 12 your parents were like get the fuck out I would I would stay like it was like only a one-week session so like obsession would end on Friday and, and the kids would come on Monday, and I'd stay through. With who? With the counselors. It was so dope. So you're hanging out with the older kids. It was like the Providence College hockey players.

So I'd just sit in the dorm room with them and just fucking chill, and that was cool. That's the reason why you sign up, is just for the weekend in between. Exactly. That was my favorite part. I remember being at a camp. Like I said, it was my favorite part i remember being at a camp like i said it was it was like in the poconos so it was like camp camp you know like some fucking cliche camp and i just remember now looking back on it at the chicks that were there being like oh they were so down they were so down like i didn't know what was going on really

and just like thinking about what i knew back then i'm like they were probably lost in the poconos right i was like oh they were probably lost in the Poconos. Right. I was like, oh, they were looking to get fingered by the lake. I was missing those signals. Don't get me started on missing signals. You still don't do this day, baby. The amount of signals I have missed in my life. Fights is just running through running through the stop sign all the time. Signals all over the place. It's not good. Your entire life is a pitcher and a catcher getting crossed up you know i was thinking i'm an air traffic controller crashing planes i was thinking

really a little more morbid i always make it a little more morbid yeah yeah that's that's your that's your brand ruining lives that's because it's not like i didn't get out at home i ruined lives about uh camp like the jews kind of have it right though like like they'll send their kids memorial day to labor day you're gone really oh yeah my cousins are jewish school's out you're out of there until school starts again it's crazy that is nuts and like my aunt and uncle would just be down at like lbi they'd be hanging out just like boom we don't have kids anymore but like the kids are happy it's not like they were like fuck you you're out here kids like it's camp time yeah yeah all their jew Jewish friends are like, camp. You ever, if you, you don't have any Jewish friends really other than people here.

Yeah, I don't. They're always like, my camp friends, my camp friends. I have my camp friends. All my friends at camp. Fuck your camp friends. I don't care about your camp friends. That's weird. Yeah, they definitely do that.

That's the weirdest thing about Judaism. And I'm counting the rabbi biting the penis thing. And the whole don't like murdering Jesus thing. That was pretty rough too. Yeah, they, they love their camp so i i mean i i only did it for like i said like a week like twice in my whole life sounds like you were uh you were getting out there for a couple more weeks yeah i was out for a few weeks but it wasn't like a long time it wasn't like it wasn't too long i was out there for two weeks or so which is ironic because you were getting out of getting

out of the house for the summer and now all you want to do is live back in your house with your parents. I know, and I have so much. Oh, yeah, yeah. I was going to say, so what we're talking about is a guy named Mark Adamanto, I believe is his name. Mark Adamanto is from Syracuse. He is 30 years old, lives with his parents. He is now taking them to court because they're evicting him.

He says in October it was brought up that he's going to have to leave. In November, which was a long time ago, they stopped feeding him is one of his main complaints. No, you are not a puppy, dude. You are not incapable of getting to the food yourself. And despite the ridiculousness of that, I totally – Mark Adamanto is like my Martin Luther King where he has started a civil rights movement. And I'm going to follow him to the ends of the earth because this dude has it. The only people who want to move out of their house move like are like kids and young people and little thing about young people and kids they're fucking stupid yeah they don't know what the fuck's about to happen they're dumb they don't know what happens when you move out with the life that

you gotta live man and i've like i like haven't lived at home in forever so maybe that's why my parents like me because yeah i like definitely never really yeah they actually want you around yeah like but if you maybe and maybe if you were, you know, small doses sort of thing, maybe if you'd be around more often, they'd be like, get the fuck out of here, John Henry. Right. No doubt. But and I get that, like everything grass is always greener sort of thing. You're on your own.

Like you come home for a weekend and they do your laundry and they cook your food. You sleep in your own bed. You're not paying for anything. Whatever. Dude, like I. But eventually. But if you want to stay home for a longer period of time, that gravy train might come to an end. Yeah, no doubt.

But still, it's like cozy and nice and comfortable. You know what it is too? These people who are like, I would never do that. I don't know. You got a weird family. Like I don't hate my parents. I actually really like my parents. I love them.

Some would go as far to say as I love them, and they love me back. So I actually like being around those people. Like pretty cool by me. If you, I guess, if I really hated them, I'd be like, fuck that. I'm not living with them. And, I mean, really, the only roadblock to living with your parents is hooking up. And once you're, like, kind of over that, like, I get it. If you're, like, in college and you're just, like, fucking, like, for half the year, like, nonstop.

And then you come home and it's like, well, I don't know what to do here. I don't know, though. that's not a problem for me and i can out the the good definitely outweighs the bad of like not being able to fuck whenever i want dude the good outweighs the bad so much i go home for the weekend and like today as we're recording this i was i was walking to work and i had to mail in a wedding RSVP letter. Mm-hmm. And which was already late because I forgot about it. Of course. Because my mom wasn't there to remind me of it. I'm the guy who always gets the text from the groom like, yo, man, just like just checking in.

Did you see that invitation? Oh, I'm late, aren't I? Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are. The problem with the RSVPs for weddings, you send them too far in advance. Yes. Because I see it. I'm like, I got three months to reply to this.

And then all of a sudden it's late. You don't think about it. Right. Two and a half months. But my too far in advance. Yes. Because I see it, I'm like, I got three months to reply to this. And then all of a sudden, it's late. Because you don't think about it. Right. Two and a half months. But my mom would remind me. Yep. And then I'm walking to work today trying to find a mailbox to mail it in. Apparently, those don't exist anymore.

Well, I think the whole mail system is just console to mail. I don't know if that even exists anymore. But my mom would know. My mom would just do it for me. Oh, yeah. She'll just find a way. Your mom probably brings it to their house and like, here. Yeah.

Here you go. Yeah, like the amount of stuff that just gets taken care of by your parents. And like, I mean, dinner is huge. Dinner is huge. The fact that dinner is just made for you. What? I don't even care if it's made. It is always made.

My mom is a fantastic cook. Oh, it's just there. It could be take out. Oh. When you open, it's like the heavens open the fridge and it's full When you open it's like The heavens opening When the light comes on The heavens opening and God being like look what I've done

For you The college fridge is like You know beer and like a bottle of Fucking sriracha And then you know You leave college and you try to maybe get Like a little bit better Maybe you get some blue apron and shit like that going You got some ingredients in your fridge every now and then you know you you leave college and you try to maybe get it like a little bit better maybe you get some blue apron and shit like that going you got some ingredients in your

fridge every now and then but the mom fridge where it's like they just go to the store and they'll be like well maybe fights as well maybe john's gonna want to drink some chocolate milk and maybe he's gonna want some gatorade but he also might want some soda and i know he likes water we'll get all of them yeah maybe maybe'll get this snack. Maybe he'll get that snack. John likes chicken. He likes steak. All of it. All in the fridge. At all times. None of it's gone bad. All of it's fresh.

That's the college fridge that dad runs. Beer. Only stocked of beers. They got my whiskey. They got my scotch. They love you. They want you to be happy. They love and I don't know why they do. Dude, I was home like two weekends ago. Unconditional love from your parents don't know why they do. Dude, I was home like two weekends ago. Dude, unconditional love from your parents, man. That's what's up.

I was home like two weeks ago. We went to this – it was like for my sister's graduation and we had a party afterwards. And then my mom got tickets to like a concert like in our town for like the after-after party. We went with like some of her friends and like my cousins and stuff like that. And we were all just wasted dancing on the dance floor. And our parents were just sitting there and like, it like was like, they were just like,

they were happy, like happy. And I was like, we're just a bunch of drunk idiots right now. And they're like, look, look who we raised. Like they're proud of that.

No shit. I want to spend my time around that. Like nobody else in my life even comes remotely close to liking me as much as my parents like me. Why would I not want to be around them at all times? I'm telling you this much, too. When you get married, man, the biggest struggle in your life is managing your in-law situation. Your wife and your parents being her in-laws, your wife and their parents being your in-laws.

It's a fucking disaster. And that's if they kind of get along. I never had a situation where it was like, horrible, horrible, don't get along. Even when everyone gets along, it's like, I know you don't really want to hang out with them. You don't even know them. You just met them technically a couple years ago. I've known them my whole life.

So they're, and like, trying to fix that. I'm always like, I want to be there. I want to hang out with them. It's like, well, no, you have your own family now. You got to, it's like, no, I have your own family now. You got to wear it. It's like, no, I just like it at home. It's comfy and cozy. They make me feel nice.

I would move back in a fucking heartbeat, man. I am actually, I pity the people who are like, oh, I could never live at home. Like, I guess your parents hate you or your parents. That sucks. The inability to live at home or the inability to like, oh, I got to go home. I'm supposed to see my parents. Dude, that's awesome. Dude, when I was in college, I college, I went to school in the Bronx.

It was very local for me. Every Sunday night, I would go home for Sunday night meal. And then a lot of times, I would just stick around, sleep over, go back to class in the morning. And a lot of my friends were Sunday fun day, getting blacked out, whatever. And I was like, I'm going to go home. I'm going to hop on the couch. Especially was like well we booze like monday through friday so what's who cares about sunday you know what i mean it was just another day but it was

like nice home-cooked meal family sister's home brother's home like watch some fuck whatever right we were watched like uh what was that called evil angoria desperate housewives whatever the girls are watching i'll watch i don't care it was great the girls are watching, I'll watch. I don't care. It was great, man. I used to go home for spring break. You don't want to go to Mexico? I got my buddies from high school are going to school in Boston, and they don't have break, so they'll be home.

I'm going to go see my parents instead. I'm set on living with 12 of you guys in Mexico. I'll go home. Also, again, when life is a spring break at that point. Whatever, dude. Who cares? That was another thing of being an adult in high school. I already did all the spring breaks.

I'm all set. I did the Bahamas twice in high school. I did the Bahamas senior year graduation trip, kind of. I don't know if it was a spring break or it was June. But boy, oh oh boy were we too young for that dude i remember we were getting in trouble i was like we're just a bunch of kids in a foreign country and we had the old like the parents were our chaperone but they were the parents who like you know the fuck but like my parents didn't know that they're like oh yeah

chris's parents are gonna be there and it's like chris's parents are bringing the blow like this is this is who's chaperoning who? We had that, my first time going on spring break in high school, I was like, I had braces. I had, like, the hockey hair that comes, you've seen the pictures where it was, like, really long. Like, backwards hats. Yeah, you were looking like a total asshole. Like, yeah, like, shorts and, like, that picture I have. Where, like, the shorts and the fucking button down. And we just got, like, shit-faced in Atlantis and then stole someone's room card.

Atlantis is like adults' dream vacation. They save up a lifetime for that. And you guys are dicking around at the age of 16 in Atlantis. Fucking assholes. It's unbelievable. We went to the Bahamas with kind of like we went with the guys but then there was a crew of girls from our high school that went and they were the smokes in high school and then we were cool with them but it was like we were the friend zoned ones you know

we would hang out with them a lot like maybe one every now and then would like make out with somebody or some shit like that but we were totally in the friend zone so they went down to the bahamas and they were just like fucking everybody and we were just like kind of like at the bar with them kind of being like maybe tonight's the night. They're going to fuck me. No, they're not. No, they're not. But a little tangent here.

There was this kid from like a town over from us who was like involved in like a hit and run or something. He killed somebody. He was like kind of like in between like trial or whatever. And we were like and the girls were all over him. And we were just sitting there, these friend zoned like high school idiots. And we were like, and the girls were all over him. And we were just sitting there, these friend-zoned high school idiots. And we were like, he's actually murdered someone. Dead. He took a life.

And these hoes are all over him. And that's when I learned. I was like, oh, that nice guy's finished last shit. There's some truth to that. That bad boy shit, that's the real deal. Dude, when I was, this is the same trip. So I had a buddy who had a house on harbor island who like which is like an island off it's over like where bahama bay is where like everyone goes and um so i was on bahama

bay is where like like tom brady goes right yeah but it's like it's like it's next to it they're not the same thing they're next to it but harbor island is a really small island like people don't have cars everyone drives on a golf cart it's's, like, fucking so cool. And so he has, like, a little house there. We all went over one afternoon. We stayed for, like, two days, but we went over one afternoon. And I was a sophomore on the trip. And there's a senior girl who I was, like, really into. Really, really into.

And I was around the beach one day, and I'm drinking, like, having fun. I'm cool. I'm like, I got a chance with this girl. Like, I'm going to fucking smash this girl. And I passed out on the beach one day and I'm drinking and having fun and I'm cool. I'm like, I got a chance with this girl. I'm going to fucking smash this girl. And I passed out on the beach. I got so goddamn sunburned that I couldn't even leave the

house. So I just laid in bed in the dark. One of those sunburns where you can't even have the light on. So I have been in a dark room in the house and then two days later when I'm finally better, we go out. She's been fucking this dude who lives on Harbor Island. Like this old fucking dude.

She's getting fucked. I'm like, where's Amanda at? She's getting fucked on the beach by Alberto right now. Alberto. I'm like, calm the fuck down. You had no shot, bro. I should have put on sunscreen. God damn it. You had no chance, bro. I never had a chance. But I like to come the fuck on. You had no chance, bro. I should have put on sunscreen. God damn it.

You had no chance, bro. I never had a chance. But I like to blame the sunburn. If I'd been there, it should be fucking me on the beach at Alberto. Damn you, son. Damn you. Yeah, I learned a lesson. So did you.

Put that sunblock on, bro. That's great stuff. So bottom line is, back to bring back like i'm i'm with i'm with this cat like i i wish i think that the the supreme court like sided with his parents yeah i wish we could have got a win for the for the kids and he's like and he's got to be out by like tomorrow oh let's give the guy a little grace i think he's trying to get a six month period yeah he said he said he wants said he deserves a six-month warning. You gotta move up.

Bro, you're 30. You've had at least 12 years, technically, of time to get out. You're 30? Society has told you that. And it's like, you're moving out of a room. You're not moving a house. Right. You just have to go.

Yeah, you can do it in an afternoon. You pack a knapsack. Get the fuck out of there. That is some depressing shit, though. Because when you have, just being around your parents, having dinner every night, sitting down with them, eating a meal, makes you feel loved. Makes you feel alive. Because science, science says, I'm going to tell you what science says. Actually, I'll tell you about 4HIMS.

4HIMS is the best way to keep the hair on your head. This is more science says. This is some true science. Because this is like, 4HIMS, basically best way to keep the hair on your head. This is more sciences. This is some true science because this is like 4HIMS. Basically what happened is now you're able to now get prescriptions for your hair for your hair thinning in a much easier way. Like it used to be like you have to go to the doctor. It has to all be like very strict and very hard and very regulated. And now things are a little more relaxed to the point that you can just go to

fourhams.com and they have kits that you get for your hair. Now it can be drops that you just drop on your scalp. It can be pills that you just take every day. They've even got these little gummies. It's like, cause I think some people get a little like apprehensive about taking pills. It's like, geez,

I'm taking like pills for my hair. Is that okay? You're just chewing a gummy. It was like, like a vitamin. It's like, jeez, I'm taking pills for my hair. Is that okay? You're just chewing a gummy. It's like a vitamin. It's like Flintstone vitamins, but now you get a gummy. My mom has gummy vitamins. And let me tell you, when I'm home, when those are out for me, I eat them like they're sour vitamins.

Exactly. I eat a whole pack of them. I don't know if you should do that here. But also, so that those gummies will also, it's just like good for your hair in general. So even if you're not losing it, it's like it makes your hair like healthier and thicker and shinier. So it it's just good for your hair in general. So even if you're not losing it, it makes your hair healthier and thicker and shinier. So it's just like vitamins for your hair. I say this every night. I got to get this.

Even if you're not balding, Fights has no signs of balding. He's going to be like extra not bald when you get to 4HIMS. Right now you can get a $5 month trial when you go to forhims.com slash KFC. That's F-O-R-H-I-M-S dot com slash KFC. And you get the $5 trial month offer. So science is going to help you keep your hair. And science is also trying to keep you happy and not depressed. They have determined that eating meals alone is the biggest cause of unhappiness.

After there's it goes like this mental illness. So like your brain's just fucked financial problems. You're broke. You're poor. Then eating meals alone. That's a pretty like guess who's batting a thousand baby. Three for three. They say a quarter of adults eat alone or most of the time uh they eat alone

all the time or most of the time because of hectic lifestyles or social isolation and this makes us more unhappy than financial problems or physical disabilities there are motherfuckers out there in wheelchairs but they're eating meals with their parents and their and their friends they're happier than you are if you're eating alone. Oh, my God. 8,000 people were asked questions that measured their happiness, satisfaction, and self-worth and anxiety on a well-being scale, 0 to 100. And those who ate alone scored almost eight points lower on average than those who never did. Nearly a fifth of those people say it's because they're single or overworked

that's the translation is like all right so you don't you're not in love you don't have a relationship you're eating alone or like you are working fucking 15 hour days you just like eat at your desk so it's really that you know you don't have a relationship or your job sucks but the physical manifestation of that are uh a total of 5 of 5 at the moment. Science, bro. You are the case study here. And then also I've read, this was years ago,

back when we were just living in New York when we first started, eight years ago, whatever it was. And I remember reading, that was a time when I wouldn't leave my apartment for a week because I just couldn't afford to be outside in New York City. You can't even breathe this air, for a week because I just couldn't afford to be outside in New York City.

You can't even breathe this air, dude. Yeah, I just – I literally couldn't afford it. So I'd just sit on my couch all day with my laptop in my lap and stay up all night with my laptop in my lap. Sounds amazing. Yeah, it was. But it said – I remember reading a study during that time that said if you spend too much time on the internet or if you stay up late at night you'll you'll like become very depressed and suicidal and i haven't i haven't quelled that in 10 years um so like i got that too so i got it all really at the moment i'm uh i'm a tough one and i do i

eat i eat dinner alone every night it's like just to light. It's really like the stereotypical divorced dad. And it's like I'm not a divorced dad, but a divorced man. I'm using the light of the television, and I have a microwaved meal in front of me. Yep. That's exactly what I do. I haven't even been eating dinner. I have lunch at 9 a.m. If I can attest to this.

I have like a hero with chips and a soda at 9 a.m. Fights can attest to this. I have like a hero with chips and a soda at 9 a.m. Two reasons. One, like once we start recording, we just I just don't stop. And two, like I haven't eaten for like 15, 16, 18 hours because I just didn't have dinner the night before. There's like go home and I'm just like watching TV. I'm like, ah, I'm like Frank the Tank. I forgot again. Yeah.

Your birthday. I do that all the time. And then it's like it's like 930. 30 i'm like that's kind of past dinner time like i'll just have a bowl of cereal maybe whatever you know what i mean once once the clock once it gets too deep i'm like whatever fuck this yeah no i get that but i also i very very strongly relate to like the just forget to do like really natural necessary human things. I forget to pee all the time. Like I'll get up to go to the bathroom. I'll get distracted.

I'll go back to my seat. And like three hours, I'll be like, oh shit, I forget to piss. I do that all the time. I forget to shit for like three days. Like I forget,

I'll forget to eat all the time. I'm, it's, we need women so bad. When women are like, well, make an honest man out of you. It's not even really talking about anything big. It's like, I'll remind you to poop. We'll make sure that your bathroom schedule

gets on point. I don't understand why women like us. Oh, I don't know either. It's such a responsibility for you. We were talking about earlier what my mom does. You need to fulfill all of her responsibilities. You have to remind me to send my letters and tell me where the post office is.

Tell me to go to the bathroom. Tell me to brush my teeth. You don't tell me to, like, I forget to brush my teeth two nights a week. Oh, man, I forgot to brush my teeth the other day for the first time in a while, and I was like, this is bad. I had, like, the fuzz on my teeth, and my breath stank. I was like, fuck this, man. What am I doing?

He's like, hey, get the fuck out of bed and go brush your teeth. I'm like, okay. All right. Deal. You got it. It's just like everything. Hey, did you eat dinner yet? Ah, no.

That's right. Fuck. It's incredible. And I think I'm an extreme example, but I don't think I'm abnormal. No, you're not. I mean, most guys are going to tend that way unless someone corrals them into shape. I do think – I mean, I have been pitching the separate dinners life for a long time. That's part of my presidential platform.

Like when you're in a relationship and a girl expects or demands or wants to eat at the same time and the same stuff always, it drives me fucking crazy. See, that I'm fine with because I again this is my taste buds thing like I and I almost think I gets it to an annoying point with girls and with the girls I hang out with or with Keith who gets my lunch every day where it's like what do you want that's that yeah and we don't really don't sound I don't wanna make a decision I genuinely don't. It's not that I don't want to make a decision. I genuinely don't care. I want you to be happy. You get what you want. What you do. And I'll find something on that menu I can eat.

What you do is fine. What girls do is you ask a girl, what do you want to eat? And she says, I don't care. And you say, all right, we're ordering pizza. No, I don't want pizza. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, then you clearly had an opinion of some sort. Right.

No, I've never done that. Why didn't you fucking tell me that? If you're going to tell me you don't care and you truly don't care, fine. Because then I'm going to order like cheese steaks and wings and shit and the whole time i'm sitting there in my head being like girls don't like this shit i know you're not gonna like this shit you're gonna want something like you want grilled chicken and i'm talking about ordering like cookie dough for dinner so don't tell me that whatever i want is fine it's gonna not be i'm telling you to order the exact meal kevin mcallister ate in front of the television

exactly so but like if you do that that's fine if you get a television. Exactly. But if you do that, that's fine. If you get a salad, I'll find it. If you want a sweet green, I'll eat a fucking salad. I don't give a shit. I'm just doing this to live. See, to me, I think, A, eating food is a fucking biological goddamn body function.

So if I'm not hungry, and you are, you have to eat. Your body's telling you to eat. Or else you're going to be fucking really cranky really cranky yes right and that's where i often will just be like all right i'll eat too even though i don't have to i just don't want you to be cranky but like we should be able to eat at different times and if you want to order some healthy shit and i don't we should be able to order from different places or cook different things and if they arrive at different times or take more time to cook and we eat like a little bit different, I think that's okay. But now all that being said, so I was a big fan of eating alone.

I think table for one is a great thing too. You're at like an airplane, you're at an airport restaurant, you just roll up to the bar, get yourself a table, eat whatever you want, drink whatever you want, have a bottle of wine for yourself. You don't have to split anything. I love that, the solitude. But that's because it's a grass is always greener thing,

like with your parents. It's like when you're not getting that ever it's like oh my god silence when it's all you and i can order two of these and drink all of this and if i don't like that i'll get another you know whatever when it's all you have i can see that becoming depressing where it's just like i'm here alone again yeah like it gets really sad when I'm doing it on my coffee table and then I have to flip my couch cushion because I've been sitting on it for too long. And then when I finish my meal I'm like, I should clean that plate.

It doesn't matter. You don't ever eat with the roommates, Lou? They're all on different schedules? Yeah. Because when I lived with guys, we wouldn't. It would just maybe work out and be like,

all right, let's get some pizza or whatever and we would eat together. I can see if that's your permanent everyday basis where it's like... I eat dinner every night with like modern family.

Yes, I like that. This is my family. The television. These fictional characters are my family. Who was that? Jim Carrey in The Cable Guy. He was raised by The television. These fictional characters are my family. Who was that? Jim Carrey in The Cable Guy.

He was raised by the television. Yes. That's kind of how I am as an adult. Yeah. And that was even the same thing as, and we bitch about this with women and girls and whatnot. When they're like, we want to go do something. My mom used to be like, turn the fucking television off and go outside. I didn't want to, but it probably kept me healthy.

Yeah, it's true. It's like it was good for you. Hey, you're the guy you are today because of that, John. That's right. And it slowly did. Think about if Paul didn't make you do that, how bad you would be. Oh, boy. Right?

Being a red spot. I mean, it was like a deck chair off the Titanic type of thing, but it was better than nothing. Better than nothing. Let's get into these voicemails. Breaking news. Right now you can get 15% off the entire Barstool Sports store when you use the code KFCRADIO. There's a lot of dope shit that we're putting out right now.

I didn't know that. Can we talk about what you're dropping? Or is that secret news? I think it's secret news something's coming Fights has something coming that you're gonna want I got bundle packs of all the premium stuff

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I've got a little hypothetical for you. If you have a box in front of you with 100 buttons, and for every button you push, you get $10,000, but there's one random button that will kill somebody you love on the spot. Jesus Christ! How many buttons are you pressing? Thank God. Bro, what the fuck?

Combine his phone number and send the authorities. Dude, $10,000 to kill someone you love? If it was going to be some random person, I'd be like, I don't know, $10,000 isn't a lot. Zero times. No, I'm not pushing the button at all. To kill somebody I love for $10,000 isn't a lot. Zero times. No, I'm not pushing the button at all. To kill somebody I love for $10,000. There's a chance.

There's no chance. A 1 in 100 chance. It's not just somebody dies for every $10,000. Still, I don't think you can take that risk. A 1 in 100 is... Just trying to clarify. I just want to make sure everybody knows. I love 50 people.

50 to 100 people. That's not that's not good chances pretty pretty solid chance someone i love is dying what if it was a rando what if it was a random you could guarantee non-american xenophobia hard on this episode one one foreigner and and it's someone from a third world country you're basically putting them out of their misery you're doing them a favor i'm pushing a hundred times i think the way you're saying that is turning me off more sir you you've pushed it 99 times successfully you have you have all the money you don't like doing them a favor undoubtedly that was where my mind went first of all i don't

i don't i won't fight that naturally but But the listening to you say it, it sounds really evil. And I think I'm going to have to go with I mean, 10 grand is just not a lot of money. Well, that's like, well, I mean, you get 10 grand every time. Right. And just to make I feel terrible that I'm talking you sick, twisted fucks into this. But it's you can push it once. There's one button that is going to kill one person that you love. It's not like there's no chance of 50 people you love die. There's just one button.

So you could push it 99 times, and if you push the right buttons, you get 99 times $10,000. There's a 99% chance right now that you get $10,000. You're not going to push one single button for the chance, the 1% chance. For $10,000? No. You're talking like you would do that? Absolutely not. Like I might kill you.

You guys are the ones who are like money over everything money over everything 10 million ah well that's a whole new bag of tricks yeah 10 million yeah i think that the person that i killed like their family would be like 50 people you love i love you ten thousand dollars much i don't love you 10 million dollars yeah if i if i love someone they understand that their family would be like oh okay well we get like nine million the yeah here you go i'll pay i still get a million out of this i'm still like so it's it's so i'm still only pressing it once but if you're gonna press it once then the next time you press it it's a one in 99 chance like the percentages are pretty good until you press like yeah but still yeah you don't need to continue arrest people arrest people you're rich but for 10 for 10

million you're pushing the button one time one time and it's killing someone you know and love maybe it's one but i'm saying that we're no longer on the poor person from africa we're doing american people that you love nah you know what i don't know i don't think i'm ever pushing it because like we like earlier this episode we're were talking about how much I love my parents and my family yeah yeah if you killed them like if my mom died

I was like I know that was me I'd kill myself in two seconds but like if you died that's fine I'd be like I did John a favor he loved me

he loves me even more now and I'm rich I'm not someone I know and love though it's true so there's no chance I die you're safe yeah

I'm in the green zone wouldn't that be funny if like let's say let's say like uh you agree to this right and then like everybody in your life gets like an email that lets them know whether they're in the pool for like love you or not and then like if you just didn't get the email like john that would be a disaster right that's almost worse yeah it's like i was waiting for my email, John, and it didn't come through. There's no way I could ever push this button. There's no amount of money. If there's a 100 chance my mom dies, there's no way I could ever push that button.

What about if you took family out of just friends? Yeah, friends. Although there's like six. What if it's somebody here? Yeah, what if it's somebody in my room? Somebody here, yes. I'll make that deal with you guys for sure. Well, as long as we all agree. Yeah, yeah. although like there's like what if it's somebody here yeah what if it's somebody in my room somebody here yes I'll make that deal with you guys for sure

well as long as we all agree then it's like yeah we all take the risk I think we all do agree Bren would you risk it for somebody here

yeah I don't know one in a one in 100 chance someone in this room he would be mad like my mom would be so mad at him if I died

he's worried about her her backlash. But then she'd be like, $10 million, though. Yeah, exactly. $10 million. Things weren't going good for him anyway. $10 million is good. What's up, KFC?

Hi, Super Producer BC. By the way, just real quick, just to announce that we understand that was a movie that was called The Box. Yeah. Was it was it that random people die? And was it straight for money? I thought it was like I thought you got something else besides straight cash. I forget exactly what it was. Creepy movie. I did see a long time ago. I just don't want the 15,000. Right. You know, this was a movie. Yeah. i know sup ksc five super producer bc um so we have this argument between our friends so if you do 10 pumps or less when you're having sex with a guy it doesn't count against your number get out of here the here. Let us know your thoughts.

Viva. No way. If there's penetration, the number counts. Wait. I don't know. What? Oh, I guess. I mean, if he's coming in 10 pumps or less, yeah.

If there's no war guys, it doesn't count. Oh, that's fair. Okay. So you're saying, so if you get like 10 pumps in and you get interrupted and you have to like, let's say you're in public or something, and you pull your pants up and you run away, that doesn't count. Yeah. That's fair. Maybe these wild bitches are just running around fucking nine, eight, seven, eight, nine, run. I'm out.

That's it. Getting married. I'm still a virgin. You've had a thousand dicks in you, yeah, but only for 9,000 seconds. Yeah, I guess. I don't't know you know what this is this is like we're doing the the vlog and we keep like talking about all the analytics of youtube it's not about the number of views but the number of minutes watched yeah it's not about the number it's about how many seconds the dick has been inside you the it's it's i think it depends on what circumstances it was only 10 pumps if a guy is just like really excited and comes that you had sex with him it was just really bad sex yeah but

i i also think it's it's a fair game for the girl to shame him i didn't even fuck him that's fine but your number i mean that you you went home with that guy you went somewhere with that guy you were making out and getting there was. You got naked. Dick went inside you. It sucked, but it was sex. Yeah. That's your number. Your number goes up by one. If you're in public or there's some circumstances where you get interrupted and it's like, oh, that doesn't even count.

I'm trying to stand up for my ladies here. Fuck that. These ladies are just trying. These are hoes trying to keep their number down. But that, like, I guess, how often does that happen? The less than 10 pumps? Yeah. I mean, I bet you it's pretty frequent.

Really? I bet you it's worse than you think. I bet you it's worse than you think. I bet there's a lot of guys out there who are like, whoa, boy. I guess if it's frequently happening, then yeah. I'm just saying, like, anything else in the world, like, I have learned to not give the benefit of the doubt to the general public. So like men specifically.

Yeah, like men who are how many guys out there are like good with the ladies? Very, very few. So when it comes time to putting your dick inside of them and it feels really, really, really good, I bet you that's happening more frequently. Sometimes when we do this show, it's like, it always serves as a self-confidence booster just because like, you talk about things. It's the ultimate, I'm not that bad.

But like, yeah, especially with sex, I'm always very, I don't think I've had, again, I don't think I'm like a sex savant. You're better than this.

I don't think I've ever had less than like, I don't know, 50 pumps since the first time I had sex. I don't even know what 50 pumps is. I want to count.

Actually, next time I'm going to count. I'm going to get like one of those click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click. Because I have, you could tell me that like a regular session is like a thousand pumps or like a couple hundred pumps. I wouldn't know. I have no idea. Yeah, I don't know either, but I don't think I've had short sex in

like a long time. Well, you're also drunk every single time. That's a big difference. You got to remember that there are guys out there having sober sex who don't have a shot. You're inebriated on something all the time. That's a big, that's a huge game changer, John. A little bit. Girls, you're not getting around this.

You know why? Because there's no equivalent for guys. You know, like when I was saying, listen, the blowjob should count. And they were like, no, no, no, no, no. Well, then when we bust quickly, it does count. Because if I can't run around being like, well, yeah, I mean, I didn't put it in her. But I had sex with her mouth. That doesn't count? Nope, nope, that doesn't affect my number.

Well, the fact that I busted eight pumps, same fucking thing, it does count for you. Girls really don't like it when you suggest cat blowjobs. They really don't. I was like, you girls sucked a lot of dicks. A lot of dicks. A lot of dicks. I mean, especially, you know, at least in the adult movies I watch now, sometimes the oral stuff is, like, way worse. Way worse. Like, if I could meet a girl that was like, I have never had a penis in my vagina,

but, like, I had mouth sex all the time, I'd like no way no no no no no I have I have like it's not like the 18 I have zero concern with your vagina your virgin vagina right right no no that's not matter where you you spent your you know your entire entire 20s no no don't want that. No, thank you. If I had to choose, like, never had sex with my vagina or never had sex with my mouth. I'd never have sex with my mouth. 1000%. Not even close.

Man, so listen. Even that I don't care about, but if I was given We're doing a hierarchy of things that bother you. It's like when you were Gun to my head, Kevin. Gun to your head, I'm taking the beat up vagina instead of the fucking blown out mouth oh my god next one uh so i woke up this morning in uh bonus land i'm driving home right now mind is wandering i was kind of just thinking about how much of a

piece of shit i am and uh i was wondering is it it better to be the guy that peaked in high school and doesn't know it and is fucking happy about it and talks about high school all the time and fucking loves his life because he's happy, thinks he was the man in high school? Or is it better to be the fucking miserable guy who knows he peaked in high school but fucking knows it and he just lives a miserable existence

and fucking hates his life. Well, that's John. That's me, yeah. So how bad is option B? It's not so bad. It's whatever. It's like... I don't know. It's not great.

Ignorance is bliss in a lot of things in life. I don't think ignorance is bliss when you are like steep halt. Yeah, I don't think so either because like you're just insufferable. Like I still have friends, right? And like people still like hanging out with me. Barely. People enjoy hanging out with me. Barely.

You like hanging out with me. Barely. But if you're running around, the problem is, no, everyone else didn't peak. So they moved on. So your routine, I don't know, though. Ignorance is bliss. If that guy goes home every night being like, I'm a fucking man. I had a great day.

Those jokes I was telling, they were laughing. Those girls, they wanted to hook up. Those, they don't exist. That doesn't happen. What do you mean? Like, no one's hanging out with that guy. Like, he's at the bar alone and waits for someone to come in. I don't know.

I mean, yeah, for the most depressing versions of them. But there's enough guys who you're like, there's that fucking dude. You know, you're at the bar and there are people there. And you're like, yeah, he peaked in high school and doesn't know it. That's a good point. You know, there's enough of them that are out there that they're not complete loners who have been totally shunned. I mean, because there's enough people out there who like will fall for that routine you walk in a room with like the swagger and the confidence like you're the high school quarterback and there's a bunch of fucking

squids who are like yeah you're cool man it works it's almost like the same thing with girls it's like there are still plenty of girls who fall for like the guy who's being mean to them on purpose like a lot of these things are like social like constructs that just play but anyone who's like even one percent you know evolved is like oh you're a fucking see like we always do say that that ignorance is bliss but also self-awareness is key oh yeah so there's that's a proverb put that on a chinese. The like, like the, like just being around someone who isn't self-aware is, it's just impossible. Absolutely.

You can't do it. And, and I like to think that I have a good amount of self-awareness. So I think I'm choosing me. And I don't have the, like, I can't call people out on their lack of self-awareness, like to their face.

Yeah. Yeah. I can't be at the bar and be like, bro, are you fucking serious? I'll just like, I'll laugh at his joke. That's, that's what it is. It's not that these people actually like them it's that they're

you're not your people are not going to call you out on it so steve holt rolls around the bar and he's like hitting on these girls he's telling jokes in front of you and trying to be the man and you're just like yeah yeah cool dude and you don't call him out and that guy goes home like fucking killed it but maybe they're just maybe maybe those people are just really bad at picking up on social cues. Oh, yeah. As someone who's made people laugh a lot in my life, I can tell when it wasn't a real one. And, like, that hurts. Oh, yeah.

I'm like, I hate, I want to be like, when that happens, I want to be like, take that back. Yeah, exactly. Like, you didn't have to do it. Don't do that. I'm not that guy. Don't do that for me. I have enough self-awareness to know that if you now bring it up like everyone's gonna be uncomfortable if i'm like you weren't really laughing at that joke don't do that again yeah but i know when it happens

and i'm like god damn it i really would rather you just not even like just fucking blow me off i don't need the pity okay thanks and so and maybe that person just maybe these people those people uh just don't understand like like maybe Maybe they've just become blind to social cues and things like that. Right, but the key is blind and bliss and ignorance. It's not that you know it and you feel it and you can't fix it. It's that you don't fucking care or know. So inside, you're as happy as can be. Are you just talking about a miserable person versus a happy person?

I'm arguing miserable. You're arguing it's better to be miserable? Yes, it is. It is. Than to be an ignorant, happy person yeah i'm arguing miserable you're arguing it's better to be miserable yes it is it is much then then to be an ignorant happy person yeah because like the ignorant happy person too like not not only do people not like you because you peaked in high school and you're a dick but also they don't like you because you're an ignorant happy person yeah it's it's very very annoying to be around happy people it's just like like check your happiness at the fucking door they're always like we're at the bar for a reason

I'm talking about specific people right now I know who I'm talking about I can't stand you They always think they're performing That's why we get along They have this fucking scene That they think they need to show to everybody To convince themselves that they're still cool

And it just doesn't work It's like you're running's really it's like you're running a routine it's like you're running like a shtick and a set and it's like shut up just be normal right now yeah just be fucking drop the act be normal you asshole Hey KFC Vice Brendan First time long time So I Got a little story So I started an internship back home this summer And I went out for lunch

To a place downtown that my mom told me to go It was actually pretty good And I was eating by myself Because I'm not an internist yet And my waitress was really Like really fucking hot So I'm thinking you know Shoot my shot whatever I don't know if the entrance has started yet. And my waitress was really, like, really fucking hot. So I'm thinking, you know, I'm going to fucking shoot my shot, whatever.

I'm dressed up. Maybe she thinks it was good. And leave my number, leave a good tip. On my way out, I'm like, fuck. If this girl never texts me back, I can never come back to this place again, right? I just didn't even fucking cross my mind with the initial thought, but I'll be back. I don't think so. I don't think so either, but it would suck

if you go frequently, if you go back very soon and it's like, hey. So you didn't give a fuck about that, huh? Yeah, it's kind of like I guess trying to play it off as a joke. I don't even know. I mean, listen, the phrase is like, shoot your shot for a reason. Like you should take a shot.

You fucking miss. You just keep playing. Right. Like you don't, you don't agonize over every jumper you miss. Just keep playing. So it's like, you can't, oh, I missed my shot. I can't go play at that court anymore. No, no, no, no, no.

We're playing basketball here. 48 minutes. It's a full game. So, you know, you could probably bring it up in a joking manner. If you think you've like arrived on the right line that will kind of do it but i think also if you just want to go and power through that one just be like where's my table or you know yeah bring me bring me a sandwich go back there like hassler like try it more or whatever like yeah you shot your shot you

missed whatever right but if you if you i think i think if you you gotta find the right way to like break that awkward ice and if you don't If you're not comfortable If you don't find something That you think you're comfortable with I just don't think You even have to address it I think it's also One of those things

That's easy for us to say Sitting here But I think if I If it's a place I frequent very often Like I probably I wouldn't do it At our spot

Right You know I wouldn't do it At the Smith That's like shit In where you eat Right Yeah So like

If it's somewhere I go to just avoid Like if it's like My friends are always like Dude it's my favorite place. I'd be like, I'll go, but, like, I don't want to, you know. And, but if it was somewhere else, I'd just say, guys, let's just go somewhere else. You know, it's a place we don't go that often anyway. Right.

We don't need to do, we don't need to. Let's not make it our place. If you want to really, like, get, get aggressive with it, like, you just need to act like you do this all the time to everybody. Like, I don't, oh, I don't even remember doing that to you. You to act like you do this all the time to everybody. Like, I don't, Oh, I don't even remember doing that to you. Uh,

you're just, you're a dime a dozen toots. Like I, I'll drop my number on everybody's, everybody's receipt. Like whatever I, I, I, who are you again?

I don't even know. Have you ever done that? Left my number like that. Yeah. I think leaving the number is the safest way to do it. Like you could just pretend that never happened. If you like go up to her and say, Hey, what's up? I thought maybe we'd go get a drink and she was like no thanks

then it's awkward every time you see her after that yeah it's like dude what do you i don't know what do you usually do when you get absolutely rejected by somebody but i guess it's like you know you're gonna see her there again because she works there if you never hit on somebody the decision to try to date her is i think far worse we had a bar that we all went to and the bartender like hooked us up it It was a good time. And then one of my buddies started dating her and I was like, all right, well,

you got to marry her. Yeah. This has got to go on forever. Right. Cause we're not losing her in the divorce. Yeah. It's everything. Yeah. I'll,

I'll choose her over you, bro. She hooks it up. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. I don't like the move. I don't like,

I guess leaving the number. Yeah. I don't, I don't like it. I just think it's, it's, it girls like confidence and I don't think it shows confidence. Yeah, it has to be, like, a reason. Like, why didn't you just come up to me and talk to me, you know?

Or ask me straight up. Like, if it's like, I don't know. I was about to talk to you. Like, I'm being whisked away for some reason. Like, here you go. Please. You know what I mean? And also, I think it lacks originality. I was about to talk to you. I'm being whisked away for some reason. Here you go, please. You know what I mean?

And also, I think it lacks originality. While I don't think it happens often, I think it's just something that everyone knows about. Like a movie thing, right? Yeah. That I think a waitress is. I'm sure it probably happens often enough to a waitress where she rolls her eyes at it. Yeah. Jesus Christ, this guy with this one. And like anything else, how good looking are you?

Yes. An ugly guy does that. You're the creep with no confidence. If a good else, how good looking are you? Yes. You know, an ugly guy does that, you're the creep with no confidence. If a good looking guy does it, it's, you know, the notebook. How about the flip though,

if a girl just randomly left her number for a waiter, like that guy is texting her. A thousand percent. A thousand percent. Be like, so, we gonna fuck or what?

I actually like, I would almost get, get hesitant to reply to that Cause I'd be like Oh she's She's a baddie Yeah she's looking for

She's She's so intimidating And confident Whereas I said It shows It's confident for a girl Yeah yeah yeah I'd say oh boy

Cause she's breaking the norm So much That she'd go fuck How did you get that stripper's number? Verbal? Like talking? No she just handed it to me. So I guess it does work.

That's what strippers work. For strippers. But if that guy walked over and handed her a number rather than leaving it on the bill. Yeah, that's where it's movie-ish. Yeah, she came over. It's like a smile and a wink. And the camera pans away. At least you had the confidence to do that.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she kind of hit me with the, she said, sorry, I wouldn't get to talk much tonight. I was really busy. Jerking off dudes. Yeah, which is such a casual way to say I was getting laughed at. Sorry, I was busy tonight.

But she just came over and handed it. And I guess that was a sweet message with it. Sorry, I was busy. I'd like to talk to you more, though. Don, that'll work a thousand times out of a thousand for guys. Yeah. What's up, KFC?

Fight. Super producer, BC. We got Would You Rather for y'all. Would you rather have it every time you watch a movie or a TV show, it feels like the first time, so you could just watch The Office for your entire life straight and always feel it the first time. Or every time you beat off,

it feels just like the first time you ever beat off no all right thanks i don't think i would like any of these i mean like so let's say let's say i get to watch a series all the way through and then i can restart it i'd like the option i like netflix where it says are you still watching yeah and you would you like to remember you've seen this before because Because I want to be able to make references and jokes. That's all we do here. I wouldn't have my job if I couldn't be referencing pop culture movies

and TV shows and shit. No doubt. If I wanted to erase my brain of Breaking Bad right now and go watch the whole thing fresh, it'd be incredible. Whenever I meet people who haven't seen a series that's very popular, I'm like I'm so jealous of you because you get to go watch this. But I do want to be able to remember it if I can.

Yeah, Breaking Bad is one I do because I don't make many Breaking Bad references. And I guess I don't make many. It's mostly dramas I do it with. I wouldn't do it with comedies. Because you can't watch them. It doesn't matter. I watch them all the time anyway. It's fine.

I laugh just as hard as the first time I saw it. Uh, in fact, I probably laugh harder cause I think about all the memories we've shared quoting, uh, you know, different scenes and stuff like that. But, uh,

you guys really are a couple. Yeah. Hey man. Somebody tweeted us and said, I'm not sure we had Tony Hale from Arrested Development, Buster Bluth on the show. He was like, I'm not sure that Tony understands you guys aren't a couple.

I was like, me neither. I don't know either. Jim O'Hare did that too. Jim O' I'm not sure that Tony understands you guys aren't a couple. I was like, me neither. I don't know either. Jim O'Hare did that too. Jim O'Hare was like, wait, you guys aren't gay? Let's go! Best compliment a guy can get. 2018, baby. But jerking off, I've depicted how I jerked off the first time.

Not good. Many times. Why don't you refresh the people? I was on my bathroom floor, upstairs bathroom in my house, and I don't know why I put my legs up. I had my legs up in the air and my arm reaching around. John went under his own thigh and gave himself like a fucking hug. I don't know why the fuck I would ever do that. I was like, I was about 12 years old.

It's so hard to do it that way. It's almost impossible. Really, really hard. You bend in your dick, 90 degree angle like Trent. And it's tough to do that. How many times did you do it that way? I think it was pretty quickly. Definitely under like three.

It wasn't a time of that. Well, that's two then. I don't remember the second. I don't remember either. I don't remember the second time doing it. But I don't remember finishing the first time and going, that was wrong. So I don't know. I don't know if it got to two or if I got to school the next day. And I was telling people that was wrong so i don't know i don't know if it got to or if i got to

school the next day and i was like telling people about it like that was wrong but i know i didn't finish you know you know you throw your knee your legs over your head and you fucking reach around your knees no dude no i don't know that no no recollection of that one the uh so yeah i don't john was doing john was ahead of his time he's doing some kama sutra shit it wasn't an exact moment of clarity where i you know, no, that wasn't it. John was preparing. John was preparing for 2018, like, rim job. Throw your legs over your head. Kid was a kinky little 12-year-old.

I don't know where you went wrong in that department, but you went so far wrong. I don't know what I would have seen. But, like, the first feeling, like, I don't... I remember just being like oh oh i get it this whole this thing shoots out every time i think every single time i've ever come up feels exactly that's what i'm saying so it's like i don't even right now to the beginning of time same thing so vagina and a butt and a mouth to my hand doesn't matter felt the same i still go and that's it. That's it, every time.

This voicemail doesn't really come in clear, so I can't play it, but he's asking if Prince Philip, the queen's husband, is the ultimate beta. It's a big time beta cuck type of guy. Your wife is the queen, and she's got all the power and all the fame and notoriety and shit. Get the fuck out. I guess I'm pro beta, so yeah. But I think there's like,

I don't think even those fucking alpha dickheads would be like, oh, I wouldn't marry a queen. Wouldn't marry the queen, dude. I'm good living in fucking Cincinnati, going to the gym. I'm past, I'm living in Windsor Palace. Suck a fucking dick. I don't think anyone says that.

I need to be the man of the house. Bro, there is some guy in Cincinnati at the gym right now listening to this like, what the fuck? I have my four-bedroom apartment for $1,000 a month. I'm good here, man. Fuck that. Other than Windsor Palace. You're like, the royals are so rich they don't even have or need money. They just have everything.

Yeah. You own it. So it's like, how much is it worth? Doesn't fucking matter. They're priceless. The queen can fucking bend me over and shove her scepter thing up my ass every night. And I'm cool as long as I have a bedroom at Windsor Palace. Are you fucking kidding me?

That's outrageous. It's outrageous to even question this. Would you be is it too beta to be the husband of the queen? The husband of the queen? Are you kidding me? I can't believe

we're having this conversation. Did you see that fucking shit on Saturday? I was up at 430 in the morning. That was wild, by the way. People tweeted me. I can't believe you set an alarm for this. Oh, yeah, bro. I bet you did.

Set an alarm. Sure. Just woke up. That's right. I was wasted. All night, I was walking up to people like, hey, let's have a party. Let's have a meal. Six chicks watching the royal wedding.

It's dope. And you're trying to tell me you wouldn't want to be there? Idris Elba DJ'd the after party. Two billion people watched it. You want to be a part of that crew? Dude, in America, it beat the Super Bowl. That more people were watching than the Super Bowl. Idris Elba DJ'd the After party where James Corden hosted fireworks while while George Clooney bartended and Serena Williams played beer pong.

That's the kind of shit you're married. And you and you are like one of the stars of it. Yeah. You're like, yeah, I'm actually paying for all this. That that guy say what you want about him. Oh, he's like not going gonna ever be king or he's not bloodline or you don't even know him everyone's focused on the queen oh so let me get this straight i get all of this shit and then also nobody really cares about me i'm like relatively

anonymous like i get to keep like doing my shit uh yeah i'll take that dude that's that's like getting paid 18 million dollars a year to be the backup on the page right you don't have a chance to be the starter don't care don't want to You don't have a chance to be the starter. Don't care. Don't want to. Don't want to. Give me the money. So none of it's hard.

Nobody really bothers me. Oh, shucks. People can't even name my fucking name. Yeah, I'm good with that. Give me my Super Bowl rating at the end of the year. I don't even know who we're talking about. Give me my fucking checkbook. I don't know what this guy looks like.

It's Brian Hoyer, so you actually do probably. No, no, no. I'm talking about the Prince. I don't know what this guy looks like it's brian hoyer so you actually do probably but no no i'm talking about the prince i don't know what you're talking about you know yeah i mean it looks like he's first of all he's about to fucking die that guy don't even know but yeah i'd marry in any fucking time ever yeah sign me up for that beta goodness gracious you think that the queen was doing some kinky shit like that though yeah probably some sub some dominant and sub shit some 50 shades shit good for him bro he's king beta he's king beta you gotta be the prince of windsor you're the king

beta bro that guy all hail our king prince philip what's his name prince philip the king beta all right last last voicemail of the day is brought to you by dkms You know the deal. We save lives here. We're trying to save lives by donating bone marrow to save anybody who's suffering from any of the rare blood disorders throughout the world today. It could be sickle cell. It can be cancer. It can be any sort of horrible disease that affects your blood and your bone marrow. And coming up on May 28th is World Blood Cancer Day, WBCD. So on this day, all people from all over the world will show their solidarity with the patients and families who are attacking blood cancer. So what you can do is you want to be a part of this fight. You want to join us on World Cancer Day.

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Join us in the fight. Go to DKMS or text BARSTOOL to 50555 for more info. Last one. Who do we got? Hi, KFC. It's BC. I have a question for you, and I can't tell if it's super fucked up or not, but here it goes. So a couple months ago, I had sex with this guy who I've been having sex with for years. And we're not dating.

It was just one of those going through a drive spell you know hit him up you know it's gonna be good whatever so after that though then proceeded to have a pregnancy scare and it obviously didn't say anything to him because you know we don't talk and we fucking hate each other like i hate this guy and he hates me and that's probably why the Yes. What is going on? It's a rollercoaster. Whoa! And I don't want him to know our kid. So I was thinking, is it really fucked up if I had been pregnant that I just wouldn't have told him and wouldn't have let him know that he has a kid? Like, would guys care about this? I mean, I obviously have never thought about this because I'd be the pregnant one.

But I just, I don't know. Is that fucked up? Okay, so here's a pregnant girl. Here's a pregnant girl deciding who she should tell and who she shouldn't. This was quite the roller coaster because, I mean, I did not get the impression they hated each other at first. She was like, yeah, you know, we hook up when we're both going through a dry spell. And also, by the way, I hate him.

I was like, whoa. I hate this guy. He hates me me that's why the sex is bomb uh you were smirking smiling and nodding the whole time so oh i was just smirking smiling like i said i know that game yeah i know that we hate each other game i've been around that block a time or two um but but uh your body your choice i'm all in on feminism, obviously. Listen, I'm all in on you not telling me if you don't want to. I would like to know. I want to know if I had a child, I think. I know it's more than just knowing, though.

That's the thing. If you don't want me to be a part of it, let's say these two neither are really at all equipped to raise a kid. And you're not going to tell me. And you're happy with whatever you decide to do. But you're not off the hook forever. Well, that's what I mean. I need to know that I'm

off the hook. 16 years down the line, she could be like, I never told you you owe me 16 years of child support. Well, I've been living irresponsibly for the last 16 years. I don't have that kind of money. Right. I mean, it would come with a big contingency that I would not ever have to. I would never get fucked like that.

Then I'd be like, I don't know, do whatever you want. But I still think I would. Yeah, I guess you should know. If I had a kid, I want to know that I have a child out there. Yeah. That's one of those ones. Yo, I can't imagine. You don't want to be in the fucking mall one day.

Unwanted pregnancies, not good. And I'm still at the phase of my life where they're all unwanted pregnancies. Yeah, man. And I'm not at that phase of my life. You could be married and have unwanted ones. I'm not at that phase of my life because numbers-wise, mentally. Mentally, yeah. You can be, like, fucking fully financially set, fully emotionally set, married, and you can have an unwanted pregnancy.

Like, we're all good, but I did not want to have a kid. It could be unwanted. They're pretty much all unwanted. I had a friend who, I have a friend who just got pregnant with her husband of three years. They're very financially stable. I was like, oh, shit. I wonder if that was on purpose. Yeah.

It's funny. A husband of three years and just bought their home. When you cross over from the like, ooh, you're pregnant, to like, oh, congrats, you're pregnant. It's a strange time in life. Because for the vast majority of it, for a long time, someone says you're pregnant. You go, oh, fuck. What are you going to do? Are you going to get majority of it for a long time. Someone says you're pregnant, you go, oh, fuck. What are you going to do? Are you going to get rid of it?

Now it's like, no, I'm going to raise it and nurture it, turn it into a good person. That's what I'm going to do, you fucking sick shit. I think it's a good rule. I think we should probably tell people out there. You should notify both parties when life has been conceived. I remember when I watched. And then decide together from there what you do.

The, and that was one of the, when I remember watching Playmakers when I was a kid, before I grew up and was all in like, you know, her body, her choice, feminist man I am.

Yes. Playmakers, the linebacker wants, he wants to help raise the son. Yeah. And the woman's like, I want no part of you.

And I was like, that's fucked up. Yeah. I mean, it is fucked up. When he's like, look, he's like,

I just want to be a good dad. Yeah. No, I never wanted to see you. I mean, that's what she said. This girl was like, I would never want him

to see this kid. That's some hate. Yeah, that's real bad hate. That's some bad hate. I would suggest you wrap it up or maybe even stop having sex with this person that you loathe. Yeah, that's true. That's probably a good idea.

Like, just have sex with people who you like who like you. Yeah. It's not that convenient. I don't know about that. Have sex with people who you have. Just don't let them come on you. There you go. That's not that convenient. I don't know about that. Have sex with people who you have. Just don't become a new. There you go. That's the rule of life.

Pull out. Don't become a new. Thank you. Bye.