KFC Radio - KFCradio: Collateral Damage

Episode Date: August 16, 2018

KFC and Feits talk about Barstool Idol and the Nick Dipaolo interview. They also answer voicemails about calling your hook up the wrong name, being vegetarian for your girlfriend and whether you can ask for your stuff back when you break up. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio brought to you by ExpressVPN. You can never be too safe, Heidelberg. Guys like us, we live on the internet. We're always doing weird stuff on the internet. We need as much internet security as possible. I need internet security way more than I need physical security.

Oh, I think it's equal for me. No. Think about it. How much time do you think you're going to be under physical threat? Every single time I go outside. You think so? You're just constantly paranoid, head on a swivel? I am still somewhat paranoid about the C-words.

I got a lot of physical threats from that. Okay, okay. And we had the one who called in. Okay, so that's fair. I see them with that fucking chain around their shirt. I'm like, he's going to fucking hit me. Clock you. All right, so you might need both.

Me, I don't do anything other than the internet. And like I said, doing questionable things. I'm always on it. I'm putting personal information out there. Everybody is living their life on the internet. And like I said, doing questionable things. I'm always on it. I'm putting personal information out there. Everybody is living their life on the internet and you need, you can be tracked, you can be hacked,

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Go to ExpressVPN.com slash KFCFC and you get three months for free. That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S-V-P-N dot com slash KFC for three months free when you get a one-year package. Expressvpn.com slash KFC. I'm in a good mood, Fettelberg. Are you? Yeah. How come? Because I got my chicken.

Yo. You love that funky chicken. There's like two things I have to live for at this point kids excluded netflix and food that's it yeah i mean it's been that way for a while okay i'm the same way right okay i mean you know i went out the other night we went to oar i was amongst friends i had a good time but like i can totally take it or leave it you know other people could take my leave right social life i don't really need that anymore. I need to eat good, and I need to watch good TV.

And right now, ya boy is eating good. I go to this deli cafe across the street almost every day. It's got a wonderful hot buffet. I usually just spoon some shit in there, all sorts of meat that I don't even know what it is sometimes. All very tasty. One day a couple weeks ago, there's this chicken. It's basically just chicken cutlet chopped up into strips

and it's got some sort of ranch sauce on it. I eat this chicken. Blew my dick off. Come everywhere. I had a bite today. I can confirm it's very good. It's so good. So I eat this chicken. I have no idea what it is. It wasn't your traditional chicken dish. I go a bite today. I can confirm it's very good. It's so good. So I eat this chicken. I have no idea what it is. It wasn't, you know,

your traditional chicken dish. I go back the next day. I ask the bus boys, where's this chicken? They said, uh, no English. I'm like, the chicken with the white sauce.

Nothing. Then it disappears. A week goes by. I go back every day. No chicken, no chicken, no chicken. Devastated. One day,

I finally walk in there and this Asian man who is like clearly the head chef of this deli. Is this the big guy? Is he kind of like Hawaiian? Yes. Okay. Yeah, he's got the glasses. Yeah, pretty jacked. So he comes out and I'm like, my man, you run this show.

I need the chicken with the ranch. And he's like, for you, I'll do it. I'll do it. So the next day I come in and he's got my chicken. I asked him what was in it. He said it's a secret. I was like, bro, tell me the fucking recipe. We're not a Michelin restaurant here.

Eventually I got him to crack that it's ranch, some Parmesan, and some lemon juice, but he wouldn't tell me the rest. But you can take it and run with it from there. I told that chef intern, get to working. Figure this out. But, uh, then it disappears again. So, I find him one more time. I tell him, my man, I will eat this chicken every single day you make it.

I don't know how many repeat customers you have here, but make a tray of it, and I promise me and at least a couple of the fucking fat asses I work with will come here and eat this chicken every single day. So make it. I walk in this morning. I start looking up and down.

No chicken. Come on, man. And I'm looking to the bus boys. Nothing. I'm about to go in the back and find my man. He comes out. And I'm like, my dude, is the chicken coming out today? Is it on the menu?

And he's like, oh, Jesus. He goes, what time is it? I said, it's 923. It's 923 in the morning. What's the problem? What's the problem? What, the chicken cutlet at 920? What's the problem?

You know me. I'm on first meal. It ain't breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I want my chicken. It's 923. I honestly did not even like think twice about it until i told you guys the story and you were just you're all howling like what the fuck are you doing demanding chicken chicken colored ranch dishes at nine in the morning dude and i i he goes to me come back half hour i'll do it half hour so i made this

fucking chicken dish for me i went back and i loaded up on $19 worth of this chicken. I put it in the styrofoam case. I couldn't even get the thing to snap shut. They had to put a rubber band around it. That's how much chicken I loaded up. And I just hammered chicken cutlet in ranch Parmesan lemon sauce at 10 a.m. And so you know what? I'm in a good mood today.

It's very much what you're in a good mood. Great storytelling, by the way. I get passionate about my chicken. That was, I don't have anything in my life that I would have that reaction for. I mean, you haven't found yourself some good chicken yet. I mean, I had that chicken. It was very, very good. You want to join me?

It was very, very good. You want to start eating that at 9 in the morning with me? No, Kevin. I won't be coming to the office at 9 in the morning. Thank you very much. You want to join me? It was very, very good. You want to start eating that at 9 in the morning with me? No, Kevin. I won't be coming into the office at 9 in the morning. Thank you very much. That's a fact. That's a fact. But, so I'm in a rare situation.

If you get $19 worth every day, I will have some of your leftovers when I decide to come in. Okay, I'll do that. Just throw me a couple bucks. Oh, no. No, okay. Okay. Okay. That's fine. I'll have a free lunch

every day thank you very much as long as my chicken keeps getting made bro they could tell me that you have to pay like 25 a day and i would just do it every time it's that good um i needed it too because this is american idol week barcelona week i haven't followed it very closely because i don't much care um but the no one's really stuck out to me except for young mantis young mantis sticks out as in a good way michigan man it was i've watched the video four times since it happened yesterday i what he did with dave and i knew what his mental capacity was because he was on radio and he didn't say anything for a half hour. He did exactly what he did.

He repeated himself. It was crazy. Right. I just want to be here. I just want to be here. Okay. Okay. And we've had – I said this on the radio too that I'm done with the crazy people because –

Yeah. Hiring the act who's just good to laugh at. Good for business. Right. Right. I don't think he was acting. Yeah. But we have had crazy people who are acting in a sense, but he was one where he was real. Good for them. But holy shit, man. That was

I mean I've never seen someone basically completely melt down more than that in my entire life. Really put yourself in Michigan Man's shoes. If you were... What would you do if you just

started weeping? I mean my man clearly has no control over his emotions. If you're sitting in the middle of elimination and you started crying, what would you do if you just started weeping? I mean, my man clearly has no control over his emotions. Like, if you're sitting in the middle of elimination and you started crying, what would you do? Would you try to, like, weasel out of it? Would you go, I gotta go to the bathroom? Would you just run away? I don't think I would just be like, I'm crying. I think I would have to try to come up with something.

It's kind of one of those things that you're asking me what I would do with a billion dollars. I mean, it would never in a million years happen. I can't wrap my head around it. I don't know what I would. I guess I would have to. I mean, I wouldn't. a million years happen. I can't wrap my head around it. I don't know what I would. I can't. I guess I would have to. I mean, I wouldn't. I don't cry in public. I cry a lot on my own.

Yeah, we've been crying recently. But the, there's been some times. A couple sessions recently. Just like a commercial. I think I said, I mean, I've been menstruating for a couple months now. A man turning 30 and menopause, man, is just like a mess. Emotions and the NPMS is just fucking, by agri-commerce, I'm like, God, such a beautiful view. But, sorry, yeah, I would have to get up and I'd go, and I'd want to go to the bathroom

because I'd want to look at myself in the mirror and cry more. I mean, I just sat here you saw me like get giddy over my chicken. It's the only thing I've been passionate about for months and years now. That's the only thing that gets me up. I ain't crying about it. Right. There's nothing in my life

that I am so passionate about that I would weep. Like, I cried on radio when my life crumbled, but I wasn't just like, I'm so happy to try to win this contest. I was like, fuck, my life is ruined. That's a different story.

My life crumbled. That was a different scenario to just not be able to control your excitement. I mean, like this kid, can you imagine him on a date? Can you imagine him in the bedroom? Can you imagine him in any other situation? If you can't control your emotions like that, I mean, you can't function.

And he also has just that permanent frown, which is very weird. He's upside down face. You do it when you're blacked out. Yeah. It's not great radio, but if it turns into the blobfish, we always joke about it. His mouth goes completely upside down. I do that occasionally, but his face is just permanently affixed like that.

I said he looks like a high school wrestler. All he needs is the cauliflower ear. And he's just so intense like one, two. And we're talking about him behind his back, but I've said all of this to his face. And he knows the deal. I think everybody in Barstool Idol is a little nutty to come fly here for a week and fucking just put yourself out there.

You're going to get roasted no matter what. But that was something from Michigan, man. And so now he goes to the Barstool, the island of Barstool misfits. You have, let me pull up the exact list because it is quite the the the quite the squad that is growing from the uh barstool leftovers at this point you have manzo weird haircut seth j mac neil nick insider pirate simon blind blind mike he who should not be named he who should not be named more recently and now michigan man that's a squad that is a you know we're about to have 11 on 11 here

people come through these doors jesus christ like if you did if you did uh misfits versus like current employees like battle to the death i think they'd like destroy us because they're just they are fucking misfits they have nothing to live for they I think they'd like destroy us. Because they're just, they are fucking misfits. They have nothing to live for. They have nothing to lose. Like Weird Haircut Seth, you know, that guy. He'll come through and kill everybody. Yeah, Weird Haircut Seth was weird. Neil disappeared off the face of the earth.

I tried to reach out to Neil. Like, you know, it was, Neil was, I feel bad for Neil. He got a raw deal. He started things up and then one of the greatest bloggers of all time came right behind him and what are you going to do? But there's no shame in that. Neil popped through every now and then. I think it would actually be fine.

Gone. Weird How It Got Seth did the same thing too. He just does not want anything to do with Barstow. I saw someone in line to get into a bar back in Boston, I think over the winter or something like that. And they kind of did the, you know, it's a Vandenberg deal.

And he said, I actually work with you. We're here. I got Seth. I said, no way. That's fucking crazy. How's he been? He said, oh, I won't even be able to tell him that. You saw you.

Yeah. Because I mean, I respect being like, he gets mad at people in the office who have like bars still open on their computer. Yo. When you come through here, man, you are sacrificing your life. Somebody said to me,

I said something like this was hilarious or something. No, no. Somebody dug up an old tweet where I didn't make fun of Lena Dunham because there was an article about Lena Dunham having mental problems and they were like, why aren't you making fun of her?

I was like, that's not funny. Lena Dunham does a lot of things that you can make fun of. Her just being like, I have fucked up problems is not one of them. And he was like, that's not funny. Lena Dunham does a lot of things that you can make fun of. Her just being like, I have fucked up problems is not one of them. And he was like, yet sticking a camera

and a microphone in front of a kid who clearly has mental issues while he's crying is. Like, first of all, these people out here who automatically assume

everyone's autistic or on the spectrum or has problems, you're being way more disrespectful than we are. Just automatically assuming someone has mental handicaps because they're – I have no medical training.

I've watched him on video for three minutes. That kid has religious and mental problems. He's just an intense kid. He's fucking weird. Now, maybe you're right, but I'm just saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doctor diagnosis over here. Get lost.

Two, he wanted to do this. Like, you sign up. Yeah, the cameras were there first. Right. The cameras weren't put into his face. No. The cameras were there. It was all willing participants.

So, like, The cameras were there. It was all willing participants. So, like, totally different scenario there. But perhaps to everybody who's competing and trying to do their thing. I've said it a million times before. I don't think I'd get a job through Barcelona.

I don't think I would either. Are they doing anything podcast-wise? No, not really. I mean... Interesting play. Yeah. Are they doing anything podcast-wise? No, not really. I mean... Interesting play. Yeah. Our biggest money makers.

I mean, I pulled the storyteller guy into radio to be like, here's your shop. But that's where he should have been like, can I do a podcast? That's where I shine, like take some initiative. But, you know, good luck to all of them. We're such a fucking weird company man yeah like we're deciding who is an employee based on how many pizzas they can buy instead of podcasting okay okay that makes sense uh you get a job here you're gonna be embroiled in controversy drama arguments we got one of our own here at KFC Radio.

A little drama brought to you by 4Hims. Two-thirds of the guys in the world start to lose their hair by age 35. I'm 33. That's scary. Yeah, man. And now you're in the 30s. I am in the 30s. I'm happy about that.

I lit up when you said that. Yeah, I'm a 30 boy. But now you start to hear things like this. Like, well, now you're creeping up to that age where you might be two of the three. No. 66%. Not me, dude. Not me. No, that's what everybody says.

Not me. Not me. And you know what? You know what? I'm going to. I mean, not me because I've already started my four hymns. I mean, if I was like 20, I would start my four hymns. Yeah.

If you're like 18 years old, like your legal age, just go. It's like working out for your hair. Right? Keep your hair in good shape. This is what our listeners have to worry about, too. When I was engaged, so I was like 28, I don't know, whatever it was, and I posted a picture picture and people were like, yo buddy, like you got to watch out for that hairline. And I, at that point we weren't like

that much on camera all the time, or at least it was like Skype. You couldn't really see. I would have never really picked up on the fact that it was going down. Like average people don't have someone critiquing them at all times. You get up in the morning. You comb your hair. It looks like it's always kind of looked. It's slowly creeping. It's not like it's an overnight thing. You probably don't even realize it because no one at work is just going to be like, buddy, you're bald. We had the luxury, let's call it the luxury, of someone smacking you in the face being like, yo, it's not going well. I was like, I need to do something about this right fucking now.

So listen, if you're listening at home, you might not realize it. So let me be that guy. you're listening at home, you might not realize it. So let, let me be that guy. You're probably going fucking bald. So get your four hymns on right now. It comes with the pills, which is the, the, uh, the what's called generic for what's been prescribed for years now. It comes with the vitamins, which is just, um, the shampoo, sorry. That is just like vitamins for your hair. And, uh, it comes with the spray stuff for like your bald spot in the back if you're getting the back balding thing. So everything you need, the whole kit. Yeah, the fry tuck.

So everything you need, the whole kit to keep your hair, you can get for just $5 today. You get a trial month when you go to 4hims.com slash KFC. That's F-O-R-H-I-M-S dot com slash KFC. The hair is the most important thing you've got, bud. If you even think that you might be bald. If you're young and you really don't realize it, you can be fat. You can be ugly, gross, whatever. You've got to be six feet tall and you've got to have hair.

They can run their fingers through your hair and they have to reach up a little bit to do it. You're good. That's it. So a little bit of drama in our world involving the longtime comedian Nick DiPaolo. You probably know him from Comedy Central roasts and he's done stand-up for 15 years now. He's a

veteran of the game. We had him come through for an interview a couple Fridays ago and we had him booked. Our booker,er Paul booked him and said uh Nick DiPaolo do you know him from Comedy Central and I'm like yeah sure we have comedians on all the time let's do it day of fights being the ever astute podcaster that he is he decides to do some research I do research every time every and but the thing was breaking news to people out

there fights is the research guy i don't do shit fights is always the one who's like here's what i here's what i got here are the topics here are the here are the questions we're gonna ask i'm like good job fights so thank god for that or else we would have been totally blindsided fights listens to his new uh podcast i think it's the nick de palo show right something like that something like that uh and it is like hyper political like crazy crazy right wing like white privilege is a myth uh the left is ruining the world you know a lot of a lot of people have gone that direction uh these days they've politicized a lot of their comedy and so that's not what we do we're like i don't know about that most of the comedians we come on here crack dick jokes

and you know fuck around so i go to my booker i'm like it's late now it's supposed to be coming in today like i don't know what we do here he's like just do the interview if we don't like it we we don't run it that sounds like a bad idea but but whatever. Go with the flow, I guess. Nick comes in, sits down to do the interview, and it did not go well. It wasn't even – It wasn't really very – He said it was about an N-word thing. There was some other stuff he said that was kind of over the top or whatever. And he said this on his radio show where he said something like that.

He said, but I'm a comedian. You're not anymore. And that's not even because of what you talk about. It just wasn't funny. Yeah, it just was not. It wasn't an entertaining podcast. We're in the entertainment business. And Powell obviously wasn't thrilled about it not getting posted.

But first of all, you're not the first fucking guest we haven't posted. Just because they weren't entertaining. They weren't on here talking about whatever the fuck he was talking about. But it was just like, it wasn't very funny, so we're just not going to post it. It wasn't an entertaining thing. I view coming on here as a shot to do some funny things. And I know he's been around a lot, but he's got a new podcast. We've been around for a minute now.

Come on, entertain. I heard that and I was like, our people are going to hate this. That's what it came down to. And, you know, he said some, he dropped the N-bomb, but he was quoting Bill Maher. It wasn't like a hateful thing. It was a little extra unfunny. That was a little something. Yeah, the hard part was. He said a lot of shit that was like, again, we always say funny kind of trumps all.

And like, is it worth it? Is the juice worth the squeeze? It just wasn't worth the squeeze. So if you did hear the Nick DiPaolo show, you're a Nick DiPaolo fan, he was very upset that A, we didn't run the podcast, and B, that he had to pay for parking. Nick, I will Venmo you some money for parking

if it's... I apologize for the parking and tolls and gas. It wasn't our fucking... That shit is crazy to me, man. We've gone so many places to do a fucking interview. I don't show up in serious and be like, yo, where's my fucking cab fare? Do you validate my parking? It's not our parking garage.

I don't fucking know, man. You have to travel, man. Sometimes you have to go someplace that you're not. We've gone to California. Fucking A, man. I didn't fucking ask you to pay for it. Nick then went on to say I don't know if he said it on air but he definitely said it

in an email back to our booker Paul that we are part of the problem and I'll just say if you are sending emails like that you're the problem bro like I don't know why some people just get so caught up in the politics

but like every single thing that that guy says and does now is politicized. And that shit is just exhausting. It's just boring. It's just like everything was, there was no jokes anymore. It was like everything where you feel attacked and you feel, uh, you know,

reverse racism and all this shit that is affecting you. It's like, I don't know, man, you're just tired. And we, we knew because we were, because we were forced to do the interview, and we knew to stay away from politics.

Maybe it would be interesting if we just get him away from that and he can just talk and be funny. Three minutes in, it was just like, and that reminds me of this. It was like, all right, dude, fucking A. That failed pretty quickly. Right. Jesus Christ. Hey, if you're a DiPaolo fan, sorry.

Didn't run. Otherwise, I don't think anybody's really losing any sleep over this. Let's get back to what we do, which is our voicemails. They're brought to you by Tommy John and Comfortable Dicks Everywhere. Everybody out there listening, oh, yeah, fights, take it off, baby. Let me see them. Let me see them. Let me see that dick.

Oh, I got those blue. Oh, yeah, look at that dick. Fights is having a good dick day. Great dick day. That thing was swanging. Swanging. My man hits 30 and he's got big dick energy. Tommy John, the official underwear, big dick energy. Fights, even his little tiny pecker look great in those things. tommy john's magic dude magic uh they got the no wedgie guarantee they're comfortable stay put waistbands luxurious soft they're feather light moisture wicking breathable it doesn't ride up it doesn't fall down makes even the tiniest of dicks look big tommy john the best pair you'll ever wear or it's free guarantee uh they also got chicks I was just shaking it.

Yeah, I mean, it looked good. Just rubbing it inside. Like this? Yeah. Sex. They got women's underwear now, too. Oh. If you want to get real kinky with it, John, maybe you start wearing that, too.

Again, I've done it before. I'll do it again. Don't threaten me with a good time. Women's underwear is comfortable as shit. I'm just saying. Girls, I mean, get into it because I'd imagine like the Tommy John material in a thong would be. Oh, yeah. I'll wear the fuck out of that. Yeah, buddy. They put the women's underwear on sale, sold out in six weeks, back in stock.

So girls, get down with it. And they got the three F's. Fit, fabric, and function. Hell yeah. So get your fucking F on with TommyJohn.com slash KFC for 20% off your order. That's TommyJohn.com slash KFC. Voicemails, let's go. What do we got?

Oh, I'm doing it. Fuck. I was about to be like, Logan, do the damn thing. And here I am. Kevin. No job too small. Do the damn thing. Back to the old school days, playing my own fucking voicemails and responding to them.

It's like when Ed Sheeran's on stage and he plays the guitar and pushes that pedal and then he plays the drums and pushes that pedal. He builds, he plays every instrument and then he plays it all at the same time. Really? Yeah, it's dope. He does a guitar riff and presses for

chord and then he does another noise and another instrument. And then it's all like one piece that he did every instrument for. That's me playing my own voicemails and fucking responding to them. Okay? Okay? I reloaded. Let's go.

Wrong name. I reloaded. I reloaded. What's up, Fights KFC? So I'm Mac from Jersey. I'm dealing with a little bit of a situation right now where the girl I'm fucking wants me to say her name while we're having sex, but I refuse to say names while we're having sex

or while I'm having sex with anyone anymore because a few years back, I was hooking up with this chick for a while we weren't dating or anything but in the middle of us you know fucking she says i love you mac and i just didn't want to like rock the boat so i said i love you sarah but her name was julia not even close and her sister's name was Sarah. And my ex's name was Sarah. So immediately that was the end of that hookup, buddy.

Just wondering if you've ever had anything like this happen to you. Say my name. Say my name. I love how it was a hookup, buddy, but they dropped it. I love yous. Yeah, that's like, well, I know. Well, that's what he said. Like, I don't want to rock the boat. got a good thing going here marry me if i if i'm having sex i

could be having sex the first time i met you an hour ago if i say i love you i remember oh i love you samantha my last uh like single hookup uh prior to everything uh this girl was very she was an emotional drunk she was like I love you in my ear. And I was like, yo. Threw me for a loop. I did not reciprocate. As someone who is, I guess, emotionless, I just

don't think of love as a serious word. So I don't mind saying it. I'll say I love you to fucking anybody. There are girls at home right now ripping their hair out. Like, fuck! Love, that word doesn't mean anything. Four-letter word, L, doesn't mean shit. I think it's just a fucking word, man.

Yeah, no, I mean it is, but it's not. Judge me by my actions, not my words. I'm going to tell you I love you. Tomorrow we probably won't talk. Right, I'll show you I love you. I'll say it, but I don't mean it. And again, I've kind of painted myself into a corner here. Because I do believe in love.

I just don't think the word matters. You are a self-proclaimed romantic. I'm a huge romantic. I just don't think the word really... Okay, so you're not verbal with it. Yeah, exactly. As we know that very well, too. You are a dead fish in bed.

You don't say a word or make a sound. I'm not a dead fish. You are a mute fish. bed. You don't say a word or make a sound. A dead fish. You are a mute fish. I'm a mute fish, yes. I'm a fish. So I've actually never, I didn't think this was a thing. I thought this was from the movie. I agree.

TV. My man here just blurted out the ex and the sister's name. That almost is from a fucking TV script. Like, pick your poison, which is worse. Actually, what's worse? There's a question for you. Saying your girlfriend's sister's name or your ex's name. Either way, I don't think she's happy.

Because I think even the fear that you want to fuck her sister. Probably depends on how hot the sister is, to be honest. I think it's, yeah, I guess it's how the relationship is. But I think that's almost more movie than saying the wrong name. Yeah. Like, wow, are you thinking about my sister? Right. Unless it's the fucking Biden family. I don't think there's really anything

mostly to worry about there. I like the guy throwing out the rule. I like the guy throwing out just the blanket rule now. I don't do it anymore. I'm fine with that. If this is a true story and you did have this screw up

and just being like, I had an incident once in my past and I no longer do that. You should understand that. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's just, it's just,

uh, it's not the, again, the Paolo style, the juice ain't worth the squeeze. It's like how much, what are you going to get that much more like brownie points? Cause you said her name on the end of it versus potentially opening up.

if you're, if you're a forgetful person, if you slip up with names a lot, I mean, there's some girls who just, they have their kinks. I mean, that's some girls who just, they have their kinks. I mean, that's her kink. Say my name.

She wants to yell my fucking name. Say my fucking name. About Cardi B, she's like, pussy's so good, I say my own name in bed. Shout out to our girl, Ellie. She was tweeting about that. Oh, also shout out to Kanye West because of the sister's thing. The new song XTCY, the line

it's already off the internet. I don't know how you can I was going to say I'll play it right now. Actually, you might be able to find a minute clip but I think Twitter DMCA'd everyone who tweeted it out and whatnot. There was a one minute clip I saw that was still out there. You got sick thoughts? I got more of them.

You got a sister-in-law? got sick thoughts? I got more of them. You got a sister-in-law? You a smash? I got four of them. Damn. Those are the sisters. You did something unholy to them bitches. Damn. You need to be locked up.

Nah. We need a bigger hot tub. I mean, that is... I mean, you want to talk about, like, messing up with the sisters' names and stuff. You're in the Kardashian clan. You know Kanye likes fat asses. You know he's into the whole thing.

Kylie comes of age. Khloe gets skinny. Kourtney's fucking young dudes. Like, of course he wants to smash all of them. That's one of those reasons. It's a no-brainer, yeah. You got a sister-in-law, you'd smash like smash all of them. That's one of those reasons. It's a no-brainer. Yeah. You'd smash like four of them.

You know me. I'm not as big of a Kanye guy as you are. I'm so in on that. That is a fucking unbelievable line. So, yeah. I don't know. Don't say the name then, right, bro? I mean.

Oh, this is a fucking. This one is dark, bro. You want to get dark with it? We haven't got dark in a while. Let's go. You know, by our standards. I got more of them. What up, KFC?

Fights. Brendan. It's Nick from Bristol County, Mass. Third time, long time. So I'm watching the show on Netflix, Dark Tourist. You guys should absolutely check it out. It's this guy, David, from New Zealand. He goes around to all these

fucked up destinations that people actually pay a lot of money to go see. Abandoned cities, nuclear test sites, disaster areas, war zones, all stuff like that. I'm currently on that episode of The Stands. They even visited

an orphanage full of kids that were affected by radiation from the Soviet Union's testing of the bombs there. But my question for you guys is, what's one kind of fucked up destination that you might want to visit? For me, it would be the Lizzie Borden house. That's your girl, right? Girl, whatever that rhyme goes. I didn't know this was a thing.

Lizzie Borden took an ax, gave her mother a 40-wax. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father a 41. That's how the rhyme goes. She's New England, right? She's from far. Right, right, right. I mean. My hometown.

Have you gone to this house? Have you done any? You know what? I don't think I did. I think that, I think like my elementary school, maybe people used to go on tours. But for some reason, maybe I was sick that day or didn't go. Or maybe my classes didn't go. I know there are tours and stuff like that.

But no, I've never been. Do you have a place like this? Well, actually, I guess I have. I've been to the museum. Right, but that's, you know. And that is the house. Okay. But then there's also Lizzie Borden's house, the one she lived in afterwards.

Yeah, I'm not fucking with that. Is bed and breakfast now. Either way, though, these things are all kind of commercialized. I feel like these dark tourism spots are just like, here is Chernobyl where everyone fucking died. Chernobyl was the first thing that I thought of, too. Yeah. Well, I got my answer. And it just came to me actually right now.

I wasn't sure what I was going to say. And then it went off. I've been writing about it for years, back to the for sure not days. The Japanese kill yourself jungle. Oh. I mean, that's where Logan Paul went. It's already kind of been done,

but I mean, that is my brand. Kill yourself epicenter of the world. That would be, I would be so freaked out with that i think oh yeah i mean i'm not saying i wouldn't be scared of it but i'm saying if i'm gonna do this and you want me to commit to some dark tourism that's gonna be it and thank god logan paul showed me the way and like paved the way where it's like okay don't go do that or you'll get run off the internet yeah because i would probably be like you're over here at the kill yourself jungle it's

crazy the uh i don't think i have anything i i want to because i don't like i don. I don't think I have anything that I'd want to because I don't fuck with spirits and shit like that. Except for the one that you quite literally fucked with. Right. Well, I've learned my lesson. Native American statue. And also, he was like a playful one. Yeah, so playful that he almost killed you in a car accident and a fucking saw accident. Yeah, but those are just little wounds.

And he didn't torment me at night. car accident and a fucking saw accident. Yeah, but those are just little wounds. And he didn't torment me at night. That's what I'm worried about. You just don't want to lose sleep. I want to get a good night's sleep. Don't be a fucking dick when I'm sleeping. Did you go to Anne Frank's attic? No. That's pretty fucked, right? That's where my mind went, too. It's like, hey, you can

lay down and see what it looked like in the attic. Yikes. What did Bieber do there oh yeah he said she would have been a justin bieber man he would have been a believer which is fine i think she would have been in her fucking in her attic just bobbing along right she was was she 14 yeah something like that like that 14 year old girl in yeah dr justin bieber fan yeah no there's not a 14 year old girl alive imprisoned hiding or otherwise that is not a believer so jb you weren't wrong homie right let's see what else i used to always get so scared watching the mtv show fear oh yeah they went to like a paranormal place yeah yeah that that i get so scared just watching that so i would i would and ever since then i've just

been out on on ghost and shit visiting abandoned i get scared even looking at the fucking pictures yeah man just like it makes me uneasy i don't i wouldn't i wouldn't be good at that cemeteries uh no i don't mind cemeteries would you fuck a cemetery we've heard that over the years i was gonna say i was trying to think no i i haven't but would you sure yeah the the dead dead people don't scare me their stories do well i also i think i would do it i do think i would have a moment you know the moment of clarity post nut i'd be like maybe i just like fucked with you know maybe i just stirred something up. Like maybe I should have convinced her to do it elsewhere.

Eh, fuck it. Why not? I wouldn't like sit on someone's grave and do, I wouldn't get to that. I wouldn't like come on the fucking tombstone. Right. I bet you,

man, I'm fucking retreating from solitary. I don't give a shit. You believe in astrology? Not really. This guy does. KFC, five, super producer, producer bc first time long time uh so i have a question um i've been going on dates with a guy who i think i really like uh he's 27 just as a reference uh so last night during dinner he brought up his horoscope and, like, astrology in general.

But he ended up talking about it for a full 30 minutes, just about his own sign and, like, his family and, like, our compatibility. He, like, knew my sign already. Don't get me wrong. I'm a girl, and I read my horoscope, like, daily. But this was something that, like, he initiated himself uh and he just went on and on about it so my question is is this like a red flag or is this the new beta guy i'll tell you why i think it's a red flag i think it's like a 1995 try hard move to be like what's you know like it's like a cliche like what's your sign

but if he's talking for a half hour he genuinely like knows and follows it and looks into it and stuff I guess so I almost feel like he's doing it to be like girls like this if he's truly into it I mean it ain't my cup of tea I don't believe in it but I guess then it's just a point of interest for him

I don't know I don't know what I think about astrology because I know – I would say that often I feel like it's kind of just weaker people who are looking for something – Like a – Not weaker people. What the fuck does that even mean? But like you know what I mean? Just like someone who's just looking for – you're looking for confirmation bias, right? You're looking for something.

I already thought that. I'm right now. And you can take those things to mean anything like uh you were gonna you're gonna have a new beginning and it's like oh i need to quit my job and that's it i told you to do it it's like that could mean anything you just wanted to quit your job and you wanted the okay right that's kind of right and like quitting your job would actually be an end but you're like but after my job would be a new job which is a new beginning so that's what it means like you can make all the puzzle pieces fit around your horoscope you're just trying to get

something to someone to say you're right you want someone on your team and you'll twist it however you can i don't know why i said weaker that weaker is not at all what i meant because i know i know our girl gracie tracy is is big into astrology and she's the fucking baddest bitch i know so we get the word described great uh tracy gracie uh i would say that this is just a no like i don't know going about a weird topic for 30 minutes it's like you're weirding me out yeah like i'll do that about like if i were to just start talking about the mets for 30 minutes to be like dude shut the fuck up so it's not really like do you believe in it or not just like you're a you're a bad conversationalist this is a bad date you're over the top with it yeah i i would i would not continue seeing someone who talked about anything

for a half hour yeah 30 minutes straight it's like listen and listen anybody who talks for over 30 minutes get lost we're versatile we change up we do that's why there's a lot of fucking voicemails man that's why we got a fucking we got a a system here. We got to switch it up. Let's talk about dicks. Let's talk about this. Let's talk about that. And Frank, let's go. It doesn't matter.

Anything can happen here. I'm looking through. This is the same crap of voicemails from last episode, so I don't want to double up here. Let's talk about dealing with vegetarians. What's up, KFC? Feidelberg, super producer. I've been listening to a lot of your shows while I'm riding the tractor. Spent a lot of time in here, so I listen to a lot of older ones, too.

Shout out to my tractor people. I just was listening to one about vegetarians eating cloned animals in a county. And it made me think of this funny story. I had a buddy in college college and he got this girlfriend she was not a nice girl to say the least but she was a vegetarian too and she made him go vegetarian with her like that was the only way they're going to be all together and he did it which surprised all of us but the funniest thing was like every every like day or a couple days he would he would come to our house and he would just like blow on the door and he'd be like i gotta

have a fucking mcchicken right now and we'd have to drive mcdonald's and he would like scarf down these mcchickens or or these hamburgers so fast and we just kept asking him like hey why are you doing this to yourself you don't want to be a vegetarian? So the question is, what's, like, the craziest thing you guys have ever done to stay in a relationship with a girlfriend? Have you ever done anything

this drastic? No, I've never done anything at all. I'm not in any relationships. I've never done that. No, but I mean, you know, like we talked a couple weeks ago about you talking to your mom to try to, you know, confess to your mom. So you do little things in the moment. Ultimately, there's never anything you've done.

I think everybody has their moments where they've been whipped. Yeah. Oh, no, I've been whipped, but like not like that. Not to this extent. I mean, this are such fucking assholes and you know I don't mean that to paint that as broad a spectrum this chick's an asshole

one of my best friends is a vegetarian I never even noticed she doesn't force it on you he doesn't force it on you I don't even notice I don't even realize it although there was one time we were driving we go to the vineyard like every winter just for a weekend just to get drunk in my house. Yeah. Great time.

Yeah, it's awesome. It's the best. You got to come this year. Yeah, let's go. And we were driving and my mom gets us these subs from the sub shop. I think I've told this story before, but whether or not I remember. She gets us these subs. So we're driving down to the ferry and he's eating it.

And he's like, God, this is so good, man. Their fucking bread is just so good, how they make this bread. It's incredible. I love this stuff. And we talked for probably 30 fucking minutes about how good these goddamn grinders are. And then we're just in silence for a little while. And he punches the cereal in my mouth and goes, God damn it. I forgot I'm a vegetarian.

It's the meat that's good. I mean, why do these people do it to themselves? I mean, you have health issues, fine. You want to do the animal rights thing, fine. But I mean, to do it because your girl is doing it, this is not like a diet. When I did a wedding diet, it was like, we should both do it because if you're living with someone and they're scarfing down and you're not, it's all fucked up.

But I, you know, I subscribe to separate dinners. Eating is like a physiological thing. If you want to eat meat, if you need protein, if you need this, you need that, you need to fucking eat it. You can't just be changing up your entire eating schedule because you like this girl. And for a girl to want that, I think, is crazy. This is like a nut, this is a nutso thing to do right this isn't gonna make us happy no yeah i'm dieting makes everything everybody miserable

and now i'm like double miserable because i'm the guy who's like i don't even want to do this but i'm just doing it basically for pussy and i have to run over to my buddy's house and shove mcchickens down my fucking gullet as fast as i can because i only have a small window to eat meat it makes it makes. Why would a girl want that from their, like. What is the craziest thing you would do, not have done, but like, what if your girlfriend was sober and she said, can you not drink? If you're sober, you're not going to like me.

No, that's a deal breaker. Yeah. I mean, that's almost just like, well, this is not meant to be then. Right. You know what I mean? And like, why doesn't a vegetarian just think like that? Like, I feel like it's vegetarians who want to change other people like that. They do.

Right? They do. They want to, like, convert. They're like evangelists. And again, it's not all of them because I happen to know one who was very awesome. I think if you're doing it for the animal reasons, you're one of those, like, I want to convert the world. Stop killing animals.

If you're doing it for your own health reasons, I feel like people are like, whatever. He does it for animal reasons. And he's just like, all right, animal killer. Like, I like those people. No, he doesn't. No, but I'm saying'm saying that you know in his head he's probably just like yeah well i mean you like slaughter animals i don't whatever you know it's like the people who are quietly religious like well no i mean like you're going to hell but whatever you're gonna burn in eternal damnation but nice to know you that's fine we can hang out you can be gay it's okay yeah right god's gonna be pissed though he's gonna hate you he's gonna sm to smite you at the end of days, but whatever.

Listen, you can eat whatever you want, do whatever you want. Just don't force it on me, bro. Fact. We'll do a couple more, and then we'll get out of here. We got maybe one of the strangest requests from a, from a roommate. I think I've ever heard here. So GFC boys, uh,

first time, long time. Um, so I just had a new roommate, um, move in recently. And, uh,

he's essentially, uh, uh, he's just, he's a grimy dude. And, uh, so he was talking to this girl for, I don't know. I think it, he's a grimy dude And, uh So, he was talking to this girl

For, I don't know, I think it only Did like a week or two, and then Her and her friend are all hanging out at the House with us, and Before they leave, the girl that he's Been talking to, you know, asked for my number And, you know, I'm like, not Gonna do it, ew, gross, so yeah

I give her my number, uh Two days later, you know, we started hugging up. And, you know, I was just straight up with him and told him. And he was super salty about it, obviously. All right, so wait. Let's stop there. This is a two-parter. Thoughts on that situation?

You invite some girl over. She ends up asking for your number, the roommate's number. Fair, foul? Are you upset? Can you blame the guy? What should the guy do? I'd be quietly upset, but you're a fucking son of a bitch. But I guess I wouldn't blame you either.

I mean, it's kind of like, you know, that's the game, right? It's like, you know. I think it's fucked up on the girl's part to be, like, in the house with the roommate. Be like, yo, what's your number? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I do think, I guess it guess it depends on like how hot she is and if you're in a terrible slump or how close you are with the roommate you maybe should be like there's other fish in the sea yeah right i mean like you should try to move you should try to not move in on this girl if i was this guy yeah i would i would i guess i'm just nice if you ask for my number i'm gonna give it

to you yeah but like then it's like i fucked her a couple days later it's like well you didn't do that yeah i would i wouldn't hook up with someone okay me neither my roommate was we're on the same page if it was like a craigslist person like i don't know maybe but then i'm like maybe you can murder me so you're either a good friend that i'm not doing it to you or you're a stranger and i'm scared to do it to you probably not i have a little bit of standards on that i'm not gonna do it but second follow-up part here Fair or foul A little fucked up I guess on my part but

Clearly he's like yeah she wasn't into him But yeah So he's Planning on throwing like a big Like back to school party here soon And he's telling me like all these Girls he's going to invite You know when I do that like uh can you just like if you're here can you just like pretend to be gay

or something i guess because i've snatched up that one girl or whatever and we're just fucking retarded and uh yes i guess my question is uh just thoughts on, you know, this guy asking me to be like, act like you're gay. I mean, if you're having a party, first of all, I would do it just because I think it'd be funny. Can I pull this off for the night? That would be a fun... Can I convince everyone that I'm gay?

Yeah, that would be a fun night. I'm pretty sure I could. Yeah. I'm pretty sure I do. Yeah, I've had it happen a time or two. Imagine you'd be like Dennis when he's bartending. You'd come out, hello, everybody. Oh, yeah, fucking right I would be.

Hell yeah. Is Feidelberg wearing heels right now? I wouldn't even have to go shopping. I just have the clothes for gay. You wouldn't have to act either, bro. I could play that part. I'll be the lead. But other than that, dude, you're having a party and you're inviting a bunch

of people over. You don't get to call dibs on everybody. Yeah, no. It's like, I mean, first of all, shout out to this roommate because like you are apparently a big time coxswain where it's like you, you could potentially fuck everybody here. So you need to be homosexual tonight. Uh, that's like that that's a big boost right there you know we always say like people thinking you're gay is like the biggest

compliment people asking you to pretend to be gay because you're such a threat now we're cooking now i'm feeling good about myself um but yeah you don't get to call dibs on everybody and you don't get to ask people to act you know hey man can you pretend you're like an axe murderer so that none of the girls here want to hook up with you? Hey, what's up? I'm the roommate. I'm a rapist. You definitely don't want to fuck me.

Also, if the other roommate was smart, he would just spread these rumors. Yeah, you just say it. Just tell everyone who's coming. Oh, he's not one of those flamboyant gay guys. He's like a normal gay guy, but he definitely fucks dudes. He does not want to fuck girls. Nope. Nope.

I was for him. Yeah, you say, I would have gone rapist. Oh. No, he's a convicted felon. Yeah, he's a felon. Yeah, I know. He's ons dudes. He does not want to fuck girls. Nope. Nope. I was for him. Yeah. You say gay. I would have gone rapist. Oh. No, he's a convicted felon. Yeah, he's a felon. Yeah, I know. He's on house arrest. Part of I'm helping his rehabilitation process.

But just, you know, careful around him. He's a rape sponsor. Yeah. So I think that's what I would do. I mean, this is an utterly ridiculous request. If we're being absolutely real about it, no, I'm not going to pretend to be gay for the night because you're too insecure about everyone at your party. I'm probably getting a new roommate.

ASAP. Yeah. The relationship is burned. I fucked your girl. You're asking me to be gay. What up? It's time to move out. New lease, new spot, new roommate. It's time for new beginnings. Last voicemail of the day is brought to you by Lightstream. When you want to

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I was just thinking to myself, man, imagine if Feidelberg had to spell L-I-G-H-T-S-T-R. And I'm like, he should be. Yeah, he should be. He should be, yeah. And this is the last one. As soon as you started, I smirked. I looked at Logan. I looked at you. I'm addicted to hosting this goddamn show, apparently.

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Final voicemail of the day. Good job reading that, Kevin. Yeah, I mean, it's just about the product. It's just about the product and making sure it's the best it can possibly be. Let's talk about collateral damage on the breakup.

What's up, KFC? Fight Super Producer. So so i just have a question this is too long-winded actually uh oh come on we gotta do it okay fine you can't you can't start a voice now super producer so i just have a question um i just got brutally dumped by my boyfriend of, like, a year and a half over the phone. And I happen to not have anything, like, left at his place. So I can't, like, peddly ask for it back. But I bought him a lot of super nice gifts. Like, lots of Barstool stuff that I feel like he maybe doesn't deserve anymore.

I have Lulu joggers and I split a wedding present with him for a wedding that I am obviously not attending anymore. So I was kind of just wondering, like, can I ask for money or like I mean she's talking she's talking reparations

she wants breakup reparations no you can't ask for money you mad woman I mean listen maybe you shouldn't have bought him all that shit clearly if you're going to get brutally dumped by the guy after a little over a year, maybe you jumped the gun on buying lavish gifts for him.

This is crazy town. Crazy town. What do you want? You want money back for everything that goes wrong in your life? No. I assume he bought you some things as well. He's not sitting there thinking he can get money back. Let's add it all up and we'll cancel out.

It's like, oh, you know, you came you came out of hell i paid for dinner 17 times there is no such thing as dating reparations and trust me if you are a girl you don't want to go down this road no any any even somewhat traditional relationship the dude has paid for way more than you have so you want to go toe-to-toe and get the balance sheet out we'll do the fucking ledger and you want to see who comes out in the black and in the red at the end of this thing. Let's fucking go. You bought me a couple Barstool t-shirts and some Lululemon joggers. I paid for dinner 70,000

times in a row. Okay? Get lost. Dude, I remember I've never even had that thought, but I remember being in a relationship and just being like, this is so fucking expensive. It's just so unfair. Just like, she's not paying for anything.

And she makes more money than me. What's going on? This is bullshit. You are, you, I mean, this is back when younger Barstool days, like, you are an esteemed professional. I sleep on a couch and eat fucking Campbell's soup every night. With a slice of Kraft Singlet on top. Why am I picking up the drinks tab? It's crazy.

Just so I only had one drink here tonight, I chugged two Four Locos in the cab. That's true. I used to do that. And you just sip on your drink. You like spit it back in and you take a sip. My beer is still good. Really? It's been an hour.

Yo. You like spit it back in and you take a sip. My beer is still good. Really? It's been an hour. Yo, I mean, you do not want to play that game if you are even anything remotely. You're one of these ultra progressive girls. Maybe we can start playing this game. Otherwise, you don't want to go down the road of dating reparations. Now, if something, this is society, they decide to implement, I'll get behind it. We can figure this all out but it is not i wouldn't i wouldn't do that i wouldn't do it for a million in a million years i mean what if it just becomes commonplace but i i wouldn't i wouldn't you know what you know

what it's like an expense report i'm like you know what yeah that trip was for the la was on me you know what it's like when when when you ever have a teacher you do you you get a test back and you kind of dispute some of the grading yeah and the teacher's like you can i will review that question but i reserve the right to review all of it then it's like you want to do reparations because like you because like you said barstool uh gear and uh wedding present fine but we're also going to go through that all expenses paid trip to mexico last year and every valentine's Day, guys don't get shit. You know what I mean? So it's like, you want to open up that can of worms, we can do this. But I would rather just say, it's done.

It's over. Be finished with it. And if it's your stuff, she said she didn't leave anything at his house, you can certainly get back your stuff. Yeah. And again, we've talked about that. You have about a week to do so. And then if you don't, it's in God's hands.

It belongs to them now. Correct. But otherwise, you can't be trolling for reparations. Come on. That's it for us. We'll catch you next week when final miracle do the ads. We'll see about that one way.