KFC Radio - KFCradio: Ellie Schnitt, Bridezilla, The Ideal Wingwomen and the Two Worst Voicemails Ever

Episode Date: August 28, 2018

Ellie Schnitt (@holy_schnitt) is in studio with KFC & Feits to discuss the Bride from hell and answer your voicemails. What is the ideal wingwoman? How to tell if a bartender is really into you. How to NOT ask a girl on a date via podcast voicemail. What's the best rom-com of all time? Episode presented by:MGM Go out to MGM Springfield get a few beers and watch a few games for us. Let us know what you think of the place.Burrow burrow.com/kfcLightspeed lightstream.com/kfcLeesa leesa.com/barstoolBetDSI BestDSI.com promo code KFC25You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. What's our take on trash lunchables? Did you get a lunchable out of the trash? Yeah, thinking about it. You're thinking about it. Those have not only been in the trash, but they've been there for like four hours. Yeah, but we talked about it. They're fine.

I mean, yeah, they're definitely, it's not like you're gonna get like sick off of them, but they taste like shit. Warm lunchables from the garbage? Ellie? Ruling talking to the mic. Wait, whoa. Did you eat a warm lunchable

from the garbage? I haven't yet. He might. Don't do that. Don't do that. No, I don't think that meat, I don't think that that meat is good regardless.

Well, it's not good, but it's good. No, no, no, but I feel like it wouldn't last. No, I don't think that meat is good regardless. Well, it's not good, but it's good. No, but I feel like it wouldn't last. No, I think the opposite. I think it can last in whatever. You would find it in 100 years in a time capsule. You could eat it. McDonald's cheeseburger. Yes, it will never lose its integrity.

Oh, no, but it's in the trash. But it's wrapped up. All right, everybody's got to have a piece of pepperoni from the garbage. Welcome, Ellie. It's a rite of passage. Are you using me? No, this is what they would normally do. This would be going on with or without you.

Give me pepperoni. It's not pepperoni. It's him. Oh. Oh, can't eat that Jewish sardine. Can't do it. Playing the religion card already. All right, we got Ellie Schmidt on the show.

Her first KFC radio appearance. You heard her on the voicemail, but now. Is it good? Oh, great. I mean, yeah. Listen, it wasn't going to taste like the garbage. It's only been there for a couple hours. This is all just stigma.

It's not like anything's going to happen. Break it down barriers. It's going to be an interesting day. Today's episode is brought to you by MGM Springfield. Listen, I know you don't want by MGM Springfield. Listen, I know you don't want to go to Springfield, but now MGM is so fire that they are going to turn Springfield, Massachusetts into a destination. People are going to talk

about it like Miami, South Beach, LA, Springfield, because the MGM is coming. They got a tap sports bar. They got top golf swing suites. They've got the casino at the center of it all. We're talking poker, blackjack, the slots, everything at your major casinos. They got Topgolf Swing Suites. They've got the casino at the center of it all. We're talking poker, blackjack, the slots, everything at your major casinos. They now have at the MGM in Springfield.

So guys, girls, everybody get ready for a night out. Do your bachelor party there. Do a weekend away. You're in New England. You're in New York. It's equidistant from everywhere. Go to MGM Springfield and start partying today. Ellie. Ellie is here. Ellie Schnitt with, I don't know,

like a million followers on Twitter at this point. Fuck. Exactly that much. Yeah. I mean, I'm going to be very spiteful when she passes me. It's going to be soon. It's going to be like a month. I need you to prepare yourself.

Yeah, it's going to be like a month. I like how when we first hired Ellie, you were like, she's going to pass us soon. I was like, dude, she passed me long ago. Well, then I said that to her and she was like, no, come on. You have a lot. I was like, you fucking liar. Yeah.

I can do math. I know. I knew how long it was going to be, Ellie. Well, but then you told me it was going to be a million, and I was like, you're full of shit. You were going to get to a million followers. That's not funny. You were going to get to a million followers.

I promise you that. Guarantee. Guarantee. KFC guarantee? Yeah, it doesn't mean much. Usually, that's actually probably uh yeah i know because i asked you if you could do the ads and then uh well you know what luckily for you there's several so we'll get johnny promo code back in the mix uh so we are going to do voicemails today we're also going to run through um this uh this tweet went viral and it's a

have you read this at all this this wedding thing no okay oh yeah yeah with the crazy bridezilla This tweet went viral. And it's a... Have you read this at all? This wedding thing? No. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. With the crazy bridezilla. Yes. So this is much like...

I feel like this is like the same thing as the Tinder... The mass Tinder date that we did the other day. Which I think people thought that we like... I don't know. Everybody tagged me and everything about that. I was like, I know. It's just a fucking story that we talked about. We didn't invent it or anything.

We didn't break the story. Getting added that John McCain died because we mentioned it on the podcast. Yeah, I know. But this was the same thing this week. This story goes viral. This girl tweets out screenshots. She's in a Facebook group for shaming weddings, which very much here for that. Very much here for that.

Anyway, this girl goes on a long story about how she met the love of her life, 20 years old, they have a kid, blah, blah, blah. Now it's time to get married. And they asked everyone who was going to attend their wedding for $1,500 because they wanted their dream wedding, which cost... I don't think they ever gave a price what it cost. $60,000? Yeah, it was $60,000.

They saved up $15,000. They needed $60,000. And they asked everyone for $1,500. The maid of honor pledged to give $5,000. The groom's family was going to give $3,000. And so they send out the invites. They only got eight RSVPs. And nobody was willing to contribute the $1,500,

including the cunt maid of honor, my best friend since childhood, my second family. So they sent out a second round. And they said, all right, how about just give me $1,000? And at that point, everybody was like, go fuck yourself. So the groom was like, yeah, guess what? Like, you're crazy, babe. So the whole thing ends up falling apart.

She says, oh, he said, why don't we just like adjust our expectations? My ex left the room and didn't apologize for his horrid suggestion. I then called my maid of honor and cried my eyes out. Instead of sympathy, I was told that I was asking for way too much and I should stick to my budget. I mean, no words can describe. How could someone who offered me thousands of fucking dollars then deny me my promised money and

then tell me to shift down my budget? She knows my fucking dream of a blowout wedding. I just wanted to be a Kardashian for a day and then live my life like normal. I called her a filthy fucking poor excuse of a friend and I hung up. I then blocked her on all social media.

And the way this all started is where it ends. She says she is shutting down all of her social media and she is going to go backpacking through South America for the next two months with no connection to anyone in the outside world. Classic Kardashian life. Classic. I'm going to go to South America for two months and back. I like how it started. This whole thing started like a Garth Brooks song.

They met in the fields at Young Love when they were 14. What the fuck were you doing working the fields when you were 14? The whole thing was a very... I feel like it's almost fake, to be honest. If you have that... It could be, but it couldn't be. It's one of those things where the world is these days. It sounds crazy, but that's very possible real.

Have you gotten through bridezilla shit yet? You're still pretty young. No, none of my friends are getting married, no. You're young as fuck. We're old. I mean, this might take the cake, though. Listen, if you're poor, you can't have a big wedding. If you grew up working the fields when you're young as fuck. We're old. I mean, this might take the cake, though. Listen, if you're poor, you can't have a big wedding. If you grew up working the fields when you're 14, you're not having a $60,000 wedding.

You're getting married in a fucking barn. And don't get married. They're like 20, right? 20 when they had the kid. They're probably your age now. You can't get married. They don't have a blowout wedding. You have to have a poor person wedding then.

Which you can do a lot of things with less money. Sure. Like, adjust your expectations. But I like that she says she wants to go and backpack around South America when it's like, okay, if you want a $60,000 wedding, I can't imagine that you would be the type of person who could handle that.

I mean... She's going to see Brown. Again, you grew up 14. You're working the fields, having kids at 20. You don't react well with brown people, I think. I think South America is not going to be the spot for you. Maybe try Iceland. I don't think you're going to be a big fan of South America.

Bottom line, asking people for $1,500 for your wedding is, I mean, that's the biggest dickhead move I've ever heard in my life. I don't even have $1,500. What do I do? See, Barstool pays the top dollar. You see your negotiation went well. So well, so well. Clearly. She said when she first came here and sat down with Dave,

Dave was like, what are you doing? She was like, nothing. He was like, oh, good negotiating tactic. So you'll take whatever we give you. Okay, great. Basically, yeah. Yeah, man, listen. People do destination weddings. They make you buy dresses if your bride's made. You've got to rent tuxes if you're a guy. They expect all sorts of shit.

You get some of that. People are going to spend money for your wedding. Everyone who gets married is a little bit of an asshole. I mean, if you're getting married. Everyone who gets married is a bit of an asshole? Pretty much. Everyone who has a wedding is like, you're going to have to give a gift. You're going to ask them to come early or go here or do that.

All these things happen. So at some point, every one of your friends and family will be talking about you when you get married. Like, fuck those people. Fuck them. You have to pay for stuff in other people's weddings. Well, if you're a bridesmaid, you have to buy the dress and all that shit. You have to go to the shower. You have to get a shower gift.

You have to go to the bachelorette party. So, I feel like you'd end up spending around $1,500. You probably would. You probably would. Maybe it's not such a crazy. If you're in the party. But, like, if you're just a random guest, you're probably not dropping that much money. Yeah.

But. But, like, between bachelor party, like, the accommodations, the dinner, the suit you have to buy. The travel, yeah. It all adds up. If then you're, and then you're just like, also give me $1,500 cash. You're a fucking asshole. I think at some point everybody is like, eh, bride and groom

are fucking... That's why we're going to get rid of weddings. Dude, just be done with it. Just sign the paper. Are you a marriage girl? Am I a marriage girl? Do you want to get married? Yeah, I want to get married. Eventually. In the next 10 years. We talked about it. I'm curious because I feel like when I'm curious, because I feel like,

like when I was growing up, I was like, there was never any... Are you a marriage girl? That's a bad question. Yeah. I'll wear that one. Let's acknowledge it.

Let's just get it out there in the open. That was a stupid question. I didn't want to be rude, but I was like, what do you mean? It was poorly worded. It's a valid question.

I kind of just like, because we talked about it earlier today, and I kind of just assumed like the conversation was still going. Yeah. She wasn't there for that you've been privy to the conversation we had and i was saying that like when i was growing up there was no option of like not getting married not that it was forced upon me but i was just like

i will get married i will have a family because that's just what you do and i feel like younger generations now it's kind of like maybe not i think there's more. I want to get married for absolute sure, but it's more for us. Like, am I going to have kids? I don't know. Maybe not. I don't really want to do that. I mean, I love kids. I just don't want to create them.

Do it. Yeah. You're making a lot of hand gestures around this. It's that. I don't want to push it out of my body. That's what I don't want to do. That's the whole thing. But yeah.

I feel, I just feel like right now, if you were younger and you were like, eh, I don't know if that whole thing's for me, I'd be like, cool. All right. Do you. It's all good. Let's get into some voicemails. John, what are our voicemails brought to us by? Oh, buddy.

Tell me about it. Talk about it, King. Talk about it, King. You are never going to believe who these voice shows are brought for. They're brought to you by probably the most important brand in my entire life. It's the couch where I spend my entire day, my entire evening, most of my REM cycle. It's a burrow couch. It's a burrow couch.

And not only is it a comfy couch, it's a big couch. I got the L one. It's fantastic. With a chase. Yeah. Is that what it's called? A chase? I call it the L because it looks like an L.

Not only is it comfy, not only is it my home, it's where I sleep, it's where I eat, it's where I do everything. It's also where I charge my phone. It's got a USB port. I've got a USB port inside my couch. In the couch, Ellie! I know, it's that stunning, isn't it? Right in there. Ellie probably plugs her phone

into the wall. Yeah, I used to. Like a peasant. Like a commoner. Back in the day, I'd have to, when I had my old couch, I'd have to do that shit where plugs her phone into the wall. Yeah, I used to. Like a peasant, I know. Like a commoner. Back in the day, I'd have to, when I had my old couch, I'd have to do that shit where you're leaning over the side. Oh, it hurts your ribs. And you're almost trying to, like, throw it into the outlet so you can get the plug in. Yeah.

And then you reach over for the cord. It's a whole to-do, and I won't do it anymore. I said that. That's why I got a burrow. Yep, they got a burrow. You get $75 off your new burrow at burrow.com slash KFC. That's B-U-R-R-O-W dot com slash KFC. Burrow furniture that's fit for modern life at home.

Yeah. Burrow. A couch is the most important thing you're ever going to be on. If you're couching your bed, spend the money. Get the quality shit. You're going to need it. Voicemails. Let's go.

All right, Mr. Clancy and Vitalberg. This one's actually for Ellie Holly Schmidt. Schmidt, whatever you call it. She went to Illinois State, from my understanding. Just wanted to hear her views on the best and worst pickup lines while she was bartending. You bartended? I bartended. How?

So wait. What do you mean how? Yeah, well, we'll talk about that in a second. I didn't even really, like, properly introduce the people, so people who don't know. Ellie has been on Twitter. Like I said, she has, like, 250,000 followers. She just, I don't know, she just started tweeting.

And no other company or show or whatever backed her. Like, she was just doing it on her own. Caught everybody's eye. So we're bringing her in here to do more Chicks in the Office stuff and social media videos. She's part of the team now. So, but in the meantime, you were at Illinois State. I was.

And you were bartending. And somehow you were able to see over the bar. Okay. I mean. Ellie's stunningly small. So I met Ellie for the first time today. You're taller than I thought you would be. And, well, when I.

We get that a lot. But you are smaller than everybody expects. I felt like. You're not like a human. You're not human sized. I felt like the evil villain. Like in a movie when I stood up to say hi to you. And I was like, oh, she keeps getting smaller.

This is getting really weird. Like, I thought. You just kept going. Like, you just kept getting taller. I was like, what's going on? I was surprised how tall I was. I was thinking in my head. I was like, I thought I was... You just kept going. Like, you just kept getting taller. I was like, what's going on? I was surprised how tall I was. I was thinking in my head, I was like, I got to stop soon.

Like, I got to be running out of leg at some point here. You are very, very small. I am. That's true. You're pint-sized, we would say. You're right. And it was hard.

Like, certain parts of the bar when I would have to, like, lean over to give people drinks, I was like, I'm sorry, I'm going to spill this on you. I can only go this far. Yeah, and you're going to have to meet me kind of halfway.

But I was a great bartender in the couple times that I bartended. I was also a cocktail waitress. So mostly I got the bad pickup lines when I was waitressing. Best and worst. There was no good. Mostly no best. There was no best. Except one time a guy asked for my number. He was like a customer

and kept asking for my number. And he's like, the worst thing that could happen is that you get free food. And I was like, you're right. And then I gave it to him. That was the best one I got. Or also, like, maybe kidnapped and raped and I don't know. Murdered. That's true.

I mean, I was. I would probably call that worst case scenario, not the free food. But, you know, I was like, all right, all right. You're coming at this from an angle that I can appreciate. So that's like, tell the girls that they're going to get free stuff. Girls like that. And I love free shit. All the time.

I love it. But, no, they were all bad. They were just, they were bad. Guys are so. Any like that. And I love free shit. There you go. All the time. I love it. But no, they were all bad. They were just, they were bad. Guys are so. Any ones that stand out as like truly bad? Off the top of my head? Just all of them. All of them.

Because it would be like. Well, listen, it's a very hard spot to. But don't hit on a waitress. Well, I mean, what if you see, what if you see a waitress and you're like, I'm in love with this girl. Don't hit on a waitress. You just do not do it at all. Well, there was a guy.

Well, there was a guy. There was a guy who, we're like, I'm in love with this girl. You just do not do it at all. There was a guy who, we're actually really good friends now, but when we met, I thought he was the biggest fucking weirdo because he came up to me and he was like, I want you to know I'm in love with you. And I was like, why are you getting away from me?

That's a little strong. But you realize that it is absolutely impossible to just go up to girls and talk to them. Okay. Alright. Okay. Okay. No, it's not though. I think it's easy. I don't think it's impossible.

I don't think it's impossible. You're a weirdo. Get away from me. Because that's weird A. That's weird. That's my job. I'm working. Don't bother me when I'm working. It's a bar. It's a restaurant. I get it. I'm not wearing a lot of clothes. It's just like a spot that you think you can... I'm working. Like, don't bother me when I'm working. Right, but you work. It's a bar. It's a restaurant. I get it. I'm not wearing a lot of clothes and, like, whatever.

It's just, like, a spot that you think you can. I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But don't do it. It's hard. All right, so that's it. Don't hit on any waitresses. I don't think talking to you.

I choose not to do it, but I don't. And maybe it is hard. I don't know. It's so hard. I've never done. It's the hardest part of the world. What's hard about it? What's scary about it?

I don't know. Just go to a stranger and convince them that they should like you. And do you have a 99% chance they're just going to fucking smoke you and be like, get away from me, weirdo. Do you do it? Do you go up to guys? I go up to guys. Why not? Yeah.

Well, I did in college. I was very outgoing in college. Were you? You would go up to guys and hit on them? Absolutely, I would. Oh, shit. I would. And you can, well, don't ask them.

But you could ask them. Because, okay, you knowshit! I would, and you can, well, don't ask them, but you could ask them because, okay, you know there's people who stand on the outside of the party and they're not fun and they just look like they're miserable and they expect guys to come up to them. Oh, girls, okay. Girls, when girls do this, like, it's like, how are you expected to have any fun or meet any guys

if you're standing on the outside and expecting people to come to you? You have to go up to people. That's, I believe this so hard. I don't think it's that hard. I don't know why I try to just kind of play devil's advocate at the start. It's so hard. It's impossible. It's so scary.

The fear of rejection is the realest thing in the world. But I feel like you get rejected more often, so you're not as scared by it or something. Fuck you. Oh, you get rejected all the time, so why don't you just keep doing it? I don't mean like. Why don't you just keep smashing your head against the wall? It'll stop hurting.

It'll stop hurting because it'll be broken. You get used to it. Yeah. Eventually, my skull will just be broken and numb. It doesn't matter anymore. It's like just, like almost where you say the worst thing that happens is you get a free meal. Like with me, when going to talk to someone, I'm like the best thing that happens is you talk to them for 50 more years. Like that's not appealing.

Okay. That's not appealing. Not Okay. That's not appealing. Not good. That's not great. Like, if you win this game, you get them forever. You get someone forever. Like, no! That's why I'm saying there's going to be a whole generation going, I don't want to play this game.

I get it, because I think it's what's scary about dating is, like, you either break up or you're together forever, in theory. That's terrifying. That's what we call lose-lose. Yeah, I don't want to talk to anybody for that long. Yeah, no, it's pretty much a guaranteed headache one way or the other. I saw a joke, I think it was on Reddit the other day, where someone was talking about their social anxiety,

and they were like, when I say I have social anxiety, I don't mean that, like, oh, I'm awkward. I mean that, like, it terrifies me to talk to people. I really dislike it. I mean that, like, it terrifies me to talk to people. I really dislike it. I mean that I'm a fistful of medication. The only thing keeping me, no, a fistful of medication is the only thing keeping me from putting on a ski mask, going into a bank, handing the teller a note that says, hello, I'd like to make a deposit. Love it. What's up?

What's up, KFC5CC? First time, long time. So my friend, who's single, has been bailing on me a lot to go out with her other single friends. And me and my boyfriend were talking, and we came up with a hypothetical. Would you rather go out, if you're looking for guys, go out with your taken friend who's better looking or your single friend who's not as good looking. All right, let me know. Thanks. So who's like the better?

Well, I know what it is, but it's kind of horrible. Someone has a practical what? Yeah, well, okay. So if you go out with the better looking friend who's single, it's like you're sort of the consolation prize when they ask you, how's your friend? It's like she's got a boyfriend. Then it's like you're the consolation prize. That sucks. You want to go out? It's like, she's got a boyfriend. Then it's like, you're the consolation prize? That sucks.

You want to go out with the less attractive friend, but that's kind of mean. I feel bad about that. You always got to keep a couple ugly friends around. You have to. Because usually they're fun.

And they boost you up. You know, you get like at least a point or two if you bring around some pretty ugly people. Those are just facts, Ellie. I'm totally fine being a consolation prize.

But here's the thing. What she said is like, who's your hot friend on the consolation prize? She's taken. You're back in the driver's seat, though. It's like a consolation prize, but it's also like, but you're still going to get all the attention now. Yeah, but at what cost? It's like. You know, listen, beggars can't be choosers.

I have sacrificed so much i am not worried about what cost my self-consciousness i have sacrificed my entire life i've done nothing but sacrifice just beating myself like i i am the butt of all of my jokes. Being like, hey, your friend's hot. I'm like, I'm no. I get it. I have better looking friends. When I go out, I'm like, you want to fuck him. But he's with his girlfriend.

I get it. What's up? You're stuck. Yeah. We'll both make the best of this. Look, I understand the situation. You understand the situation. Same page.

It is what it is. I'm not going to lose anything. It is kind of comforting. It's kind of comforting to be like, well, listen, you're trapped now. I'm the only single one here. Oh, my God. Dating is sounding real bleak. I don't know about this.

You could go talk to someone else at the bar, but we know you're not going to do that because you've already summoned the courage to talk to one person, and that's as much courage as you can get for another. And you don't want to do the icebreaker named exchange thing again. You've already done the awkward part. You are pot committed with me. I'm sorry. You're stuck.

You have to stay committed. I even give a face like, I know. Ain't great. It's not great. But I do have this. You chose the wrong grail tonight. You chose poorly. Hey, Ellie.

Ellie's face is I'm just I'm Do you I don't understand Do you I mean How is your

Dating life Going for you Not good Elle Not good My dating life is It's It's not existent Oh

It's It's not Not My dating life I only ask Because this is This is tough to listen to. Listen, John's talking about, like, dates and relationships.

He's doing fine. It's just not all, you know, structured the way that the romantic comedy would have it. Yeah, that's because we kind of talked about this earlier today. Like, I don't have the emotional capacity for a romantic comedy. I'm not. It's funny because he constantly calls himself a romantic. Well, no, I am! You're romantic, but you're not emotionally available?

Romance to me is... Every guy I've ever talked to. Romance to me is like braces. I don't have them, but I want them. I don't have that romantic aspect to me, but I want it and I love seeing it. It's just not something that this guy has.

I mean, it's open and honest. See, most guys who tell you they're emotionally unavailable, they're lying to you and they just don't want to be around you. John really doesn't have the capacity. He's really not there. I've, like, held people back. I don't know what you're talking about. I am not...

I don't have those feelings. I'm not mature enough for this. I'm Dennis Reynolds. I'm a little bit like, you know, feelings, except I've never had them. It's not something that I've... Ellie's, like, horrified, bro. No, because I'm looking little bit like, you know feelings? Except I've never had them. It's not something that I've... Ellie's like horrified, bro. No, because I'm looking into my future.

And I feel like this is going to be who I'm dating. We tell people this. I remember the first time we had intern Dana on KS Radio. And she was like a happy, jolly girl. And we were like, soon... And look, you have very nice blue eyes. Soon they're going to be dead. I used to have these amazing...

I used to have Alec Baldwin eyes. Just like a pool of ice water. And now they're just great. You'll have great eyes. No, I'm incorruptible. It's not going to happen to me. No, no, no. I will promise you right now. I will promise you right now it's not going to happen to me.

I like how Logan's laughing because Logan was like you just, what, three months ago? A couple months ago. Five months ago. He was so idealistic and like the pie in the sky. Listen, I sold you a bill of goods to get you to sign here and now you're trapped and your life is over. Listen, I am coming from a social media background. I get it. No one set a fuck with me.

It's different. It's different. It's going to be a dark, dark, dark road for you. Fuck it. No one's set up with me. It's different. It's going to be a dark, dark, dark road for you. It's not going to happen. They're not anonymous trolls on the internet. They're the friends you know. They're the people in this office.

You're going to be like, fuck this. I'm so sick of this. I'm sat myself in the eye. I'm sick of them being nice. I feel like let's go easy on me a little bit. Day one. You got to get the feet held for sure. I'm sick of it being nice. This is my first day here. Like, I feel like let's go easy on me a little bit. Day one. Nah. No, we go. Yeah, you got to get the feet held for sure. Yeah.

Well. We'll see. We'll see. Next. Recently, a situation go down that I think Ellie could really help with is a former bartender or server at a college fountain bar. So about six months ago, the server at my go-to bar started hitting it off with me. She's always approaching me in a flirty way, even when the bar was packed, and I'm not sitting in her area. After a few weeks of this, some of my buddies noticed

and mentioned that she's probably into me. However, I put it off as her just trying to get good tips and didn't really pursue it outside just talking at the bar. Fast forward a few months later, and I'm now graduated and living in a different city kind of close to our school, and I run into her at a different bar. She runs over, gives me a hug, I buy her a drink, and i run into her at a different bar she runs over gives me a hug i buy her a drink we hit it off for a while with her mentioning that i'll have to come visit her this fall and then i'll have to come find her instead of her always finding me however i completely space off getting her number during our chat and we go our separate ways with the friends we initially came with now that i see that she seems interested and is not just working for

tips i send her a dm the next day to get her number, which she just leaves unread, despite her always being the one to approach me and initiate interest. What went wrong here, and how do I handle this situation where I end up seeing her at the bar at the weekend of a big football game? Thanks. That was long. That was written, too. Yeah, I hate when they're reading.

That was reading the script yeah come on additionally no one talks like that um speaking of that by the way i'm still hot about that fucking you see that tweet i quote tweeted last week no about the goddamn the q anon guy in the white house nope oh this motherfucker kevin god damn him i. I'm going to scroll back. Johnny Politics? No, it has nothing to do with politics. I mean, yeah, being a QAnon guy, not great, but it has nothing to do with politics. The internet sucks here so bad, Ellie. Ellie, you're witnessing exactly what I'm talking about.

The internet never works in this goddamn motherfucking internet company. It's infuriating. It's true. It's facts. We can't even get on the internet and we are a blog. Here it is. i got it there are simply no words to explicate the profound and ineffable honor of meeting donald trump in the tabernacle of liberty the oval office so what he did was type it into thesaurus.com but it doesn't't know it. Not even. No doubt. Explicate doesn't make sense there. I don't even know what that means.

I don't know what explicate means. Explicate is not a synonym for fucking describe. I thought it meant explain. No. Explicate is like, it's like analyze. Oh. There are no words to analyze the profound. It doesn't make sense there.

No, man. This is when you're trying to sound smart. That's it. Like being that stupid, so stupid you try that, how hard, see, I don't do it. Yeah. See, that hard to sound smart is so goddamn infuriating. Yeah, no, I feel you on that. I've been thinking about that tweet, I think Thursday night, I saw I've been thinking about it nonstop.

Who was this cat? He's like a QAnon, like one of those fucking like 4chan. Yeah. I don't know, we could get into that. Nah, we don't need to. It's like a conspiracy theory thing. I don't like to go down that road. I don't, back to this dude, I don't think any thing. It's a conspiracy theory thing. I don't like to go down that road.

Back to this dude. I don't think anything... He didn't do anything wrong. When he was like, what went wrong? I'm like, you still can go see her at the bar. What, she didn't reply to your DM right away? That was the whole thing? Yeah. That's not like a dead in the water sort of thing.

I don't think it is. I mean, it's not great. I don't reply to DMs either for the same reason. But this is back to this, like, talking to people at the bar. Like, I'm scared. Like, oh, but then, like, we're going to talk more. If I respond once, I'll respond. If I reply to this, then it's like.

Then we have to have a conversation. Well, I don't know. I think. I don't know. If it was me and I was the girl and there was a guy that I always knew spent money, I would be excited to see him at a different bar just because it's like, oh, someone I know. Do you think she's still playing him? I just think she's not that interested.

Otherwise, she would have responded. Like, I would have responded if I was actually interested. I'd have been like, cool, I totally forgot to give you my number two. Interesting. I don't know. I don't want to give him, like, no hope. Nah, it's okay. We'll shout out the hope.

It's okay. You're fucked, bro. Yeah, I mean, like... I didn't think it was that. I'm kind of thinking it the same way. If I... It deals with, like, regular people. If they DM that. I'm kind of thinking of it the same way. If I, with regular, DMs with like regular people. If they DM me, I'm just like,

one word answers and that's it. Regular people. But the, if like some person I was really interested in DM me, I would reply to that.

Yeah. Maybe I wouldn't. I don't know. I feel like you can miss a DM. I feel like it just can happen. I can miss a DM. You could miss a DM. Normal people can't miss a DM.

Normal people can't miss a DM. Normal people can't miss a DM. They're not getting that many DMs. True. I always forget that we're not normal. Okay, all right, okay. The peasants. Just say it, the peasants. It's fine.

Nope. I mean, I was going to say, like, you still know where she works. She still said, come see me. You can still go try that. But Ellie's saying that you're a fucking loser and you're dead, dude. So maybe just kill yourself. All right, okay. Ellie maybe just kill yourself. All right. Okay.

Ellie said kill yourself, right? I don't know why you're putting me in this position right now. Yeah, sorry. Next voicemail is brought to you by Lightstream. If you're thinking about saving money this summer, Ellie's broke. She has no money. Thanks. You should think about saving money.

You should think about paying less. Ellie's rich right now because she lives in the Midwest. That's true. What does that mean? That means you're going to get a couple paychecks. You're going to be balling. Oh, in the rich right now because she lives in the Midwest. That's true. What does that mean? That means you're going to get a couple paychecks. You're going to be balling. Oh, in the Midwest, I'm going to be fucking rich. Yeah.

East Coast money in the Midwest is what's up. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, like right now, start making a list because as soon as you're fucking. I don't even get to enjoy it, though. What do you mean? Because I'm moving here so much sooner that I don't get to enjoy it. True, but now you can kind of ball out your last six weeks.

Buy everybody drinks at the bar. Go back to where you bartended that one time and everyone's convinced you're a career bartender. Seriously. Pay less interest on your credit card balances. Refinance the credit card consolidation loan from Lightstream. It's an easy way to save hundreds to thousands of dollars. Lower your interest rate right now. They offer credit card consolidation loans from 5.89% APR with auto pay.

That's lower than the average interest rate of 18%. Do the math, John. 18 minus 5.89. No. Come on. No. Ellie, are you a big math girl? I don't even have a credit card, but I would consider getting one for this app.

Now you know. You could save hundreds of thousands of dollars. People with good credit, 18% minus 5.89. Be 12 point... 100 minus 89. 11. There you go, Johnny! Johnny Mathematics.

I just hear numbers and I just shut off. As soon as you said point, I was like, no. I agree. It's like a different language. I'm like, not going to understand it. I'll tell you what explicate means, but I'm not going to fuck it. You're dumb people. We're smart at words. Yeah. Dumb at everything else.

You didn't know what explicate meant. You can do math. Big fucking deal. Yeah, math's more important than knowing explicate, though. Is it? Yep. You speak every day. How often are you doing math?

I don't know. Anytime. How often are you mathing? Yeah. We are good at words. You guys are great with words. We do good words. All the time.

So good. My listeners can save even more with an additional interest rate discount on top of light streams already low rates the only way to get this discount is to go to lightstream.com slash kfc l-i-g-h-t oh all right all right word people ellie spell lightstream.com slash kfc do i oh i have to do it yeah you do okay l-i-g-h-t-s-t-r-e-a-m.com slash kfc slash kfc yeah it was dot c-I-G-H-T-S-T-R-E-A-M dot com. Slash KFC. Slash KFC. Yeah, it was dot C-O-M.

S-L-I-S-H. You were close. I thought that was so close. Subject to credit approval. Visit Lightstream.com for more details. What's up, KFC Radio, Spiderbird, KFC, Superdue, Shabisi. So me and my boys are watch a movie right now and we started wondering what's the most iconic line from any movie ever so we've decided that um if you build it they will come is the most iconic movie line ever that's a not correct let us know what you think

if there's a better one if there's a more recognizable one. That is a great line. Let us know. We're really interested. For anyone who's watched sports movies or seen Field of Dreams, you don't even know what that line is, right? I have seen Field of Dreams. You have? Yes, I was forced to watch it once, yes.

Okay. Did some guy make you watch it? Yes, he did. He did. It was real boring. It went well. Yes, he did. He made me do it.

There's one obvious answer here. It's an easy one. Go ahead. Yes, he did. He made me do it. There's one obvious answer here. It's an easy one. Go ahead. Luke, I am your father. Yeah. Okay. I was going to say that. That's the answer.

Which is, and it's not, they botched it, right? Yeah, that's not even what it is. What's the real line? I don't know. It's just no, I am your father. Oh, it doesn't even say Luke? Right. No Luke.

Oh, really? Yeah. A little movie trivia for you, you know? They never say Luke, I am your father? Right. No Luke. Oh, really? Yeah. A little movie trivia for you, you know? They never say, Luke, I am your father? Nope. How about that? So the most iconic movie line is not even a line in a movie. Yeah.

It's not even a line in a movie. But, like, that is the line. No doubt. I was going to say that, but I thought that that was too nerdy. But I guess Star Wars just transcends all. No, everybody's seen Star Wars. Like, if I've seen Star Wars. Yeah, well, this is why I want to, because I feel like you're young and you're a girl.

Like, I'm shocked that you've seen Field of Dreams and you know the Star Wars movies. Well, I have an older brother, so I had to see a lot of the stuff. Yeah. But I didn't necessarily, like, I saw a lot of the Star Wars movies, like, in theaters. Like, as a child. Oh, wow. Yeah, as like a fucking toddler. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't remember them. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker, was one of the first ones that came to mind for me. What do you got? What? What's, like's your favorite movie? My favorite movie? What, like it's hard?

See, I was going to say, I love Ligley Blonde. Amazing. But Mean Girls. Pretty much any line from Mean Girls I think is iconic because people quote it all the time. What's your favorite Mean Girls line? It's like, it's not my fault that everyone hates me. Like, I can't help that I'm so popular. That's so funny.

That's a great one. You don't even go here. She made out with a hot dog. I mean, come on. It's such a good movie. Mean Girls, the most iconic quotes ever. You go, Glenn. That is an answer I expected from you.

You would have expected from me. There you go. What's the one with the heavy flow and a wide set vagina? It's not my fault that I used whatever. That's a good one. John's in on it too. John's like me girls most of the time.

I want to go see, how long are you on town for? Let's go see Mean Girls on Broadway. Totally in the next two days. Let's do that. Logan's in. Sea Geek, what's up?

Is it a musical or a play? It's a musical. Tina Fey wrote it because she wrote the movie. Oh, right, right, right. Did you know that Mean Girls is actually based on my hometown,

North Shore High School? It's like from where I'm from. Old Orchard Mall is a real mall. It's just not that mall, but it's a real mall. It is actually based on my hometown, North Shore High School? It's like from where I'm from. Old Orchard Mall is a real mall. It's just not that mall, but it's a real mall. It's like based on like... Did you deal with Mean Girls? You were the mean. You were a G.A.

No, I was not. In fifth grade, I was. You were like this four-foot-nothing fucking bitch. I was a bully. You were a bully? In fifth grade, I was absolutely a bully. How were you bullying? I was just mean.

Like, I just wasn't nice. I'm really nice now. I've grown since then. John hasn't. He was a bully. He's still a bully. Were you a bully. How were you bullying? I was just mean. Like, I just wasn't nice. I'm really nice now. I've grown since then. John hasn't. He was a bully. He's still a bully. Were you a bully? No, we talked about it today.

We talked about it on the quickie for Wednesday. No, he was a bully. I wasn't a bully. I just didn't go out of my way to be nice to people. It sounds like something a bully would say.

No, a bully. No, no, no. A bully is like going out of your way to be like, you're a fat bitch and no one likes you. Yeah, I never did. That's a bad example.

I never said that. You were doing that in fifth grade? I've always had like a potty mouth. You would go up to a girl and be like, you're a fat bitch. I would never say that to somebody. I wouldn't call them fat. That's rude. Maybe a bitch.

But a bitch for sure. Yeah. All right. I got a couple. I was a bully to adults. What does that mean? Tell her. Tell her. Tell her.

I had a babysitter one time. Oh, no. I locked her in the basement, and I just threw crackers down at her all day so she could sustain herself. And I would yell that she's worthless. It was bad. It was bad. No, but this also is because this other babysitter sexually molested him.

So it's kind of a babysitter tit for tat thing. It's like, I'm sorry, Eduardo, but you're paying for the sins of the last babysitter. What? Yeah, she made him watch, like, porn and stuff. It was weird. It was weird, yeah. He admitted it on KC Radio, like, a couple times. And, like, every time we're like, wait, what?

Is that my milk? Are you okay? Yeah, like, no, yeah, he's not. Do you need therapy? Clearly he's not. Yes, he does. He was, like, saying it like it was common. You know, he yeah like no yeah he's not I mean look at him clearly he's not yes he does he was like saying it like it was common

you know he's like yeah so then like my babysitter made us watch porn and like movies of people getting like beheaded online and I was like

wait wait wait let's back that up and he was like what that's not normal I was like no man no you're fucked I think when you're

really fucked up sometimes you don't realize that you're fucked up I think that that's been happening a lot on this today

today and like just in the last decade yeah yeah the last seven years I say things and Kevin's like that's been happening a lot on this today. Today and, like, just in particular. Yeah, yeah. The last seven years, I say things to Kevin like, that's not normal. No, not normal at all. But you want to know the most abnormal thing of it? So, like, we're doing, like, the thing we're going to start doing. That was my tease.

The thing we're going to start doing. The thing we're going to start doing. You really know how to do it, John. Well, like, we don't have a name for it yet, but we're going to start doing a thing. And I've just been talking to my mom about all the old stories and stuff like that I've told. And I was like, yeah, did I ever tell you about

the babysitter? I used to watch porn with her. You said this to your mom? I started it with weird stuff on the internet. She used to tell me all kinds of weird stuff on the internet. And my mom was like, what? And I was like, you know, naked people and and shit like that and my mom just started laughing so that's where it really began i was like no way did she really and i was like yeah and she's like holy

shit and i told her on the on the on on the podcast i was like yeah thank you for finding it funny when i told that story to kevin kevin like, dude, you got molested. I was like, that's not what molested is. And my mom was like, no, no, no. But it's not not what molested is. Exactly. There's a shade to gray of molestation there. I love your mom. No.

Come on. Don't be a pussy. You weren't molested. You're fine. Yeah, come on. I raised you tougher than that. Oh, man. Oh, my God. You're fine Yeah come on God I raised you tougher than that Oh man Oh my god What's up Casey

John And Ellie I just had a quick question I've been wanting this for a while Uh Ellie Who are those two people In your cover photo Whatever it's called

On Twitter And how tall are they I'd say Both the podcast Ellie has been terrified At both of these questions. That one where, where he said where you went to school, it's like about to leave the room. Well, you know, there are things that, you know,

there are things that people just don't need to know about me. And I just, I worry, but yeah, it's not so much that those guys are so tall. It's just that I'm really short. So on Twitter, you're a holy underscore schnit. Yes. And the cover photo is her. They have to be like guys who play basketball at your school.

No, they were just frat guys. Yeah, you're just that small. I mean, the picture, you can't even see like their shoulders. Which I thought was so funny. I had to make that my picture. It's a good picture. I was like, it's just my face. You are, so those guys are like 5'11"?

I think one of them. Like they're like normal size? Well, they're tall. I mean, they're. Oh, let me ask you this. Since you are profoundly small, are you like, guys have to be 6'2 or higher. No, fuck them. Guys that are like too tall, I'm like, get away from me.

I don't understand how that would, I just don't think that. That's not going to work. Exactly. Logistics of that are going to be mind boggling. So what's your ideal height? 5'10", 5'11". Tall, but not, like, giant. That's giving hope out there.

I mean, there are plenty of chicks who are, like, under 6 foot, need not apply, don't even come in tall. I'm barely 5 feet. That would be very hypocritical of me. But if you were, like, 5'5", would you be, like, 6 foot and up? Yeah. Yeah. No, because I don't have any kind of background on that. Like, I don't know how I would know. You know, it's like how I don't know, because I don't have any kind of background on that.

I don't know how I would know. It's like how I don't know how old anybody is. I don't know how tall is tall. Or weights. I don't know anything. People are like, I'm 120 pounds. I'm like, that sounds like a lot. I don't know. I have no idea. I thought you were 27,

remember? Put it on the board, baby. Put it on the board. I was like, well, this is just a very confused young person who has no idea how to gauge ages. Really, I don't. I don't know. Oh, John, tell the story you texted me the other day. Which one? About when you're walking down the street. Tell that one. Why? Yeah, let's tell that one, because I'm just trying to feel good about myself. Ellie made me feel good about 27, and now this is a great story. The other day, I was walking down the street, and I had headphones in,

but I never have music in them. And so I assumed the girl couldn't – she just figured I couldn't hear her, but there was nothing in the headphones. And she was, like, grabbing her friend and, like, pulling her arm and, like, poking her. I'd be like, oh, my God, it's KFC. It's KFC. Look at KFC.

Put it on the board. Let's go. It's a good day for Kevin. This is great. Yeah. And John is – I said this. He texted me this story's a good day for Kevin. This is great. Yeah. And John is, I said this, he texted me this story. This was like a couple weeks ago. And I said, you're a very honorable man for telling me that.

Because you didn't have to. No, I didn't. Didn't have to guess. And it made me feel great. If it makes you feel better, I feel from girls that I know that listen to KFC radio, they have crushes on you. They do. Thanks. Well, fuck you, Ellie.

No, no, no. I mean, not that I just. Tear me back down. No, I just felt like we had to have equal opportunities. Yeah, yeah They do. Thanks. Fuck you, Ellie. No, no, no. I mean, not that I just... Tear me back down. No, I just felt like we had to have equal opportunity to gas things here. Yeah, thanks.

Good for us. Good stuff. I did have a girl have sex with me once because she thought I was Kevin. Fact. Well, she didn't think...

I wasn't aware. You didn't correct her? I wasn't aware until the next morning and she was like... She asked a question and I was like, oh, I don't ask Kev.

And she's like, you're KFC. I was like, said she asked a question and i was like oh i don't ask kev and she's like you're kfc i was like oh no well it was more confusion than like actually thought it was me yeah yeah i think it was just running combines the two of you she was confused by like the name or something like that but i was like but you're kfc no i'm not kfc did she say something like was she i can't i can't wait to tell my friends That I hooked up with Casey Yes that's what it was And John was like Wait you did? What?

I didn't know that That changes everything That was a great day for me These are all quality Quality things Moments You did? Yo

This is My name's Luke I'm 23 I'm from Chicago as well. I'm a college graduate. Just, uh, wondering what it would take to take you out for a date. Next question. Yeah, see, this is how you get kidnapped, Ellie.

I know, but someone's going to murder me. Not really. That was, listen, we were talking about what do you say to girls and what don't you say to girls. Not that. Well, the heavy breathing in the front of it was tough. I've ever heard. What it would take to take me on a date, anything but that.

Other than that, the polar opposite of that. That was as bad as it gets. Bad as it gets. Well, well. Have you had worse? Yeah. I mean, because I get, well. Have you had worse? Yeah. I mean, because I get, like, dick pics all the time. Why do you open DMs?

Because it's, I don't know. Sometimes people want to talk to me. I like to talk to girls. John is super anti-DM. I'll open them. But I feel like if there's a picture from a guy, you got to know I'm not opening that. Because sometimes you never know. Sometimes a dick looks great.

I don't know. You never know. No, sometimes you don't know if it's going to be a dick. I mean, it usually is. But then it's also part of that, like, could it dick looks great. I don't know. You never know. No, sometimes you don't know if it's going to be a dick. I mean, it usually is, but then it's also part of that, like, could it? And maybe, I don't know. Like, what is it, a Van Gogh painting? Sometimes they send me screenshots of stuff. What is the upside that could be better than a dick is bad?

What? You know, like, if a dick is the worst you could get, what's the upside that makes it worth potentially seeing a weird dick in your face? Like of having open DMs? Yeah. Oh, like I have like really meaningful conversations with girls who are like, I love you. You know, that's nice. That's my nightmare.

Like girls, girls, girls or guys. I mean, text conversations. I get anxiety when I feel my phone shake. I'm like, oh, no no someone wants to talk to me you really do have social disorders you need to go to therapy I mean that I absolutely mean that

there are times where I'll have my phone in my pocket and it will be like vibrating and I'll go oh don't do it again and it'll vibrate again and I'm like no no no stop stop stop I get that though I think I'm just like sitting on the train just. Stop, stop, stop. I get that, though. I think that makes sense. Yeah, and it's just like, you're just sitting like,

I'm just like sitting on a train just like, no, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. And particularly because I'm in like, the only like texts I have like alerts on for. I mute all my texts

so I don't get an alert for any of them except for like, I'm in like three different group texts like KF3 or group texts. Because if I find out I'm fucking muted. Alerts for those ones.

And it's just like, usually you get a lot in a row. And it's just like, no, stop. Please stop. Please stop. I just sit there begging with myself. I hate group chats. I get that. You definitely have like for real social disorders.

Like for real. Like I feel like we need to do a new series just called like John Goes to Therapy. And like I don't think you can like film therapy sessions but like as you go I think you should write a letter

like we can film this yeah right like sign it away I just feel like John walking in be like alright about to go into my therapist

and then like quick jump cut and he comes out and he's like tears down his face I feel like that would happen yeah no absolutely

once you unlock that deep dark black hot oh once you go to therapy you're gonna cry you went once right I went once yeah she tried heart. Oh, once you go to therapy, you're going to cry. You went once, right? I went once, yeah. She tried to make me cry, and I hated it. Oh, she tried to make you cry?

Yeah, she just kept asking if I wanted to cry. It just has to happen. When you talk about your life, and it's depressing, you just cry. I'm surprised that it just doesn't happen. Amy, you cry at commercials and shit. I cry all the time. Ooh, which commercials? You're so excited, right?

It's nothing like, I don't have a trigger. You cried twice at Crazy Rich Asians, the new movie. Well, okay, well, it's beautiful. Did you see it? Of course I did. Yeah, I feel like

I'm the only person in the world who hasn't seen it yet. Huge rom-com gal. Yeah. Huge rom-com guys. Logan's recovered the rom-com footage.

Really? Oh, nice. Very nice. So our, we filmed the whole fucking breakdown of rom-coms, com-roms,

drum-roms, brom-roms. We did a whole fucking series and Logan'scoms, com-roms, drum-roms, brom-roms. We did a whole fucking series. And Logan's hard drive got all fucked up. It's recovered the footage. I'm starting to think this is a big ruse by Logan. He just didn't do it and told me some story about his hard drive crashing. So we will eventually be able to release the rom-com breakdown, which is pure art.

I mean, pure art. What's your favorite? How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. The only correct answer. It's the pure art. What's your favorite? How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. The only correct answer. It's the best one. The only. It's not even. There are good ones.

It's not even McConaughey's top three. Okay. All right. Listen. Failure to launch. He's not that great in. He's just not. I'm sorry.

The girl speaks. He's very attractive. She speaks the truth. In everything that he does. Yes. But I like his character in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Also because I think he's got a nice apartment. That's part of it for sure.

For sure. Last voicemail of the day is brought to you by Ellie is requesting that John do it. So guess what? What the lady wants, the lady gets. Thank you. Ellie, I've got some good news for you. When you come to New York, you're going to need a couple things.

You're going to need some Lightstream to get a credit card. And you're going to need some Lisa. You're going to need a borrow. You're going to need a borrow couch, of course, because where else are you going to charge your phone? And you're going to need a Lisa mattress. Lisa mattresses, let me tell you what. It was the first thing I got. It was my coming to New York present.

When I moved into my apartment in New York, it was already sitting at my front door in the box, perfectly ready to go. I walked in my room with my headstand, whatever you call it, bedstand, nightstand, headboard. That's the one we're looking for. Headboard. Bedstand. Bedstand. Well, not wrong. We got there.

Yeah. It was a journey. That's the reward right there. And I put it on my bed. I opened it, and it unraveled itself, almost like kind of like deflated itself or inflated itself. My dad was sitting there, and he went, that was amazing. He was stunned by what he'd seen. Old school guy.

Never seen one of these newfangled mattresses in a box. It's true. It's true. It's true. Your dad probably had to fucking go to one of these mattress firms, buy it, put it on top of the car, drive it home, all that nonsense. Not anymore. Tons of garbage. The postman brought it to my door.

I dragged it to my bedroom and that was that. Not only is it easy, not only is it comfy as a motherfucker, Lisa also makes the world better than where they found it. Yep, they don't stop at mattress donations, which they also do. If every 10 mattresses bought,

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I feel like a benefit of being super tiny is that your bed can be like small and it feels big to you. No. I need a big bed. This bitch. This bitch. You are four feet tall.

You do not need a big bed. I do. I do need a big bed. And it's become a problem in my life because it really has because I take up a lot of space. And you'd be like, how do you take up any space? Oh, I'll wake up in the morning, and when I had a boyfriend, he would be against the wall. I'd have the rest of the bed.

Like, that's just how I am as a person. I need a big bed. That's what these hoes do. This is why I'm not going to get married, because I can't handle sharing a bed with someone. Separate beds, the way to go. These hoes out here being like, I need a king-size bed when they are 4'11". Okay.

I mean, sorry. I like comfort. I don't think there's a problem with that. Lisa.com slash barstool. Last voicemail. What do we got? KFC by SuperproducerBC. I don't even know why I'm calling you.

Somebody give me something funny to say. You got nothing? How do you know? I'm trying to get on the radio oh my god not the radio it's a podcast i really love your podcast okay my name is haley okay bye i mean that bye I mean, that. Bye-bye. Is it over? That might be. That might be the worst. That's the one. That's the one.

I thought you were going to say best. I thought you were going to say overdoing it. No, no, that's the worst. That might be. I mean, I can't think of anyone worse. We had some rough ones today. Yeah, I mean, the guy right before it might have been. Yeah, I mean, apparently.

She was just a drunk girl. Like, rapey vibes is probably worse. Rapey vibes. It's harder than you think to call into a voicemail box. It is. I did it, like, four times when I called in. I was so nervous. I practiced.

Can you delete it? You can, like, re-record it if you, like, really fuck up, which, I don't know. I didn't. I just was, I'm like, I don't know. Wait, so you recorded it

and, like, pressed the button to redo it, pressed the button to redo it? Oh, yeah. And then I was like, I can't do this anymore. This is fine. I'm going to leave it.

This is fine. That was funny when you had the email you sent to Gaz. Also, by the way, speaking of Gaz, he might not have been offering you a job. When I saw what you said, it was very much job-like.

It was like, what's your deal? Gaz is sliding in DMs with, what's your deal? She sends to me, she's like, Paul from Barstool just DM'd me. And I go, don't worry, he's harmless. I didn't even think twice of it. And then the other day, she's like, worry, he's harmless. Yeah, he says he's harmless off the bat. I didn't even think twice of it. And then, like, the other day, she's like,

yeah, that's a totally not terrifying and weird way to describe someone. Oh, don't worry, he will cause you no harm. He's fine. You will be safe around him. I didn't prompt him. Is he harmless? Will he hurt me? I was the first thing off the bat.

I was like, fantastic, I'm not answering this. He's harmless. That's like, don't worry, he's not going to hurt you. I was like, fantastic, I'm not answering this. He's armless. That's like, don't worry, he's not going to hurt you. I was like, okay, all right. I like this move, by the way. This is your move, the hands on hips move. When I'm uncomfortable? Yeah.

You're doing it for a solid 52 minutes. For the whole time we've been in here. But the email you said where you're like, today is my first day at work and I spent my entire day writing this three-sentence email. I'm that way with emails, too. I'm like, it's like a new person. I'm just like, okay, I'm going to work on this very hard. Well, I mean, you've rolled with the early punches just about as well as you can.

I mean, it's not an easy place to start work. Rhea, so we went out for lunch, and she was like, yeah, I just really wanted to take you out to lunch because honestly, I read your blog post, and I felt really bad for you. Yeah, John was like, what a fucking joke our company is. Yeah, I sent Kevin a text after reading it.

I was like, Ellie's new intro blog was really good. She's a great writer. This company's fucking embarrassing. It's ridiculous. It's true. It's 100 100 true but like i'll tell you this much the alternative the other side of the coin where you have some boss who tells you what to fucking do always when to do it where to do it how to do it is way worse

than being like i don't know what to do well that's when i think something about this job this is so cool like i'm very enthusiastic but i don't think i'm gonna lose that enthusiasm i feel like you guys have been doing this for so long, you forget. This is the coolest thing in the world. This is your job? That's fucking awesome. Don't let Dave hear you say that, okay?

That's fine between us. Once you come on KFC Radio, go ahead. Yeah, we're done here. Listen, you're right, but, you know, just give it a few years, and like we said, your eyes will go to a cold, dark, gray color. I just don't think it's going to happen. I hope it doesn't.

I'm not rooting for it. If I've been like this, I am purposely, I choose to be like this. So I feel like it's going to happen. I also think it's pretty good that you do have a lot of followers already on your own. So you know pretty much how horrible the internet is. It's terrible. Yeah. It's hard to convey.

People are like, no, I've got thick skin. It's like, well, you haven't done this yet. You have no idea. You don't know. You've already gone through that, so that's good. You have a leg up on basically understanding that society is trash. That's really the first step is acknowledging that humankind is trash. I don't think people are trash.

Oh, trash. Oh, so much trash. No, I think that mostly people are pretty good. It's just when they get on the internet, they're like, I'm just going to be terrible. But those are people. Yeah, but they're hiding behind a thing. Yeah, that's trash. No, in real life, they're hiding behind a thing.

In real life, they're hiding behind... Yeah, the internet is who they really are. Like social nicety. That's interesting. I didn't think about it like that. That's horrible. Yeah, it's a tough way to look at it. I'm not going to look at it like that. Talk to me in 10 years, Ellie! Talk to me in 10 years! Now it starts. 10 days in versus 10 years in.

Oh, God. It's pretty different. Fuck you. Pretty different. Follow her on Twitter at holy underscore schnit. And good first appearance. Thanks. And I'm sure you'll be doing stuff with Chicks in the Office.

I'm sure we'll have some, I'm sure Logan and BC will come up with some video ideas for you. So a lot more to come from Ellie. Shout out to all the new Ellie fans who are listening today. Stick around. Fans. That's right. You got fans now. Followers.

Followers. Thank you. Today's episode was brought to you by BetTSI. They've been in business for over 20 years. I know Ellie is a big gambler. I know that she is throwing around that cash. All the time. She's excited for the NFL.

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