KFC Radio - KFCradio: Harley Morenstein, Mickstape, Dolphin Girl, and the Psychic Conspiracy

Episode Date: September 20, 2018

Harley Morenstein (4:20) of Epic Meal Time brings his Pizza In A Bag and breaksdown life a viral star. The the Mickstape boys (39:18) jump on to discuss what it would take to get them to quit the internet and answer your voicemails and conspiracy theories. Voicemails include: Dolphin Girl, in-laws invite themselves, pen pals strategy, gym vs alcoholism and the psychic conspiracy.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Alright, it's KFC Radio. Let's talk about FanDuel for a bit. FanDuel's sponsoring today's show. I don't know if you've heard. They are sending Dave to the World Fantasy Football Championship. Why? Why would you do that, FanDuel? Why? Like, I don't like you guys anymore because I hate Dave. I hate how rich he is.

And now he has a 1 in 75 shot at making 500 grand. He went to the FanDuel Sportsbook the other day, and he won like 30 grand. And I was furious. I saw that he won like two or three $10,000 bets. And I was like, I'm going to kill myself. If he comes home with half a million, I'll have to quit. So blame FanDuel. When KFC, the blogging KFC, battle rap KFC, when he's gone,

it's because FanDuel's just giving copious amounts of money to Dave. If you want to beat Dave, please do it. You can enter the $5 WFFC qualifier for week three. You can have your shot to take down Dave in the championship in New York City. We're going to be doing a ton of cool shit with FanDuel this year. FanDuel is different. It's easy. It's intuitive.

You don't have to be a nerd. You don't have to be obsessed. Normal guys can do it. They even have a weekly gridiron pick-em contest where everybody picks the winning teams for all the Sunday games with no spreads, and $10,000 is split amongst the top pickers of every week. You can beat Dave at the WFFC. You can play with the PMT boys and win a trip to our Barstool Super Bowl party in Atlanta,

and all new users get a $20 bonus when they make their first deposit on FanDuel. Go to FanDuel.com slash Viva. That's FanDuel.com slash Viva. Age and state restrictions apply. Today on the program, we have behemoths on the program today. We have enormous

men. Coley from Mixtape. Tyler, you're a normal-sized guy. We have the ogre, Coley, and we have Harley Morenstein from Epic Mealtime, who is a Canadian lumberjack. It's like, do you do this YouTube shit on the side from chopping down trees and logging?

Because that's what you look like you do, man. Harley Morenstein is the founder, the creator, the genius behind Epic Mealtime, which is one of the OG YouTube successes. I mean, they've been doing it since probably like, I've been doing Barstool, New York, right? Like, founder the creator the genius behind epic meal time which is one of the og youtube successes i mean they've been doing it since probably like i've been doing barstool new york right like eight 2008 maybe 2009 ish somewhere in there yeah and they've just been racking up millions of views for a decade eating ridiculous shit on the i watched one of his recent ones where he takes

like uh probably like 50 big macs and makes them into mac and cheese. It's like a giant elbow, elbow macaroni. And inside it are Big Macs. It's incredible. It's epic. It truly is epic. And he gets paid for it. He's got his own beef jerky out now.

He's going to L.A. He's got Walmart money. It's wild. He's one of the OG YouTube, OG internet stories. And he's a funny cat. I thought he was a food guy who got on the internet. He's an internet guy who was like, I'm just going to use food. So he's a funny cat. So let's get into this interview. It's brought to you by Eero. Wi-Fi. In 2018, Wi-Fi should be in our brains. I feel like we should be our own Wi-Fi hotspots.

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you just kind of leave it on your desk, and it's like, what is that? I don't even know what it is. Well, it's giving you Wi-Fi, bro. The single router's not gonna work. High bandwidth, you're not gonna get it. Get your Eero home system now. Go to Eero.com, select overnight shipping, and then enter KFC to get it for free. So you can be in America or you can be in Harley's home country, Canada,

and you can get Eero shipped directly to you overnight for free. Go to Eero.com, overnight shipping, enter KFC at checkout to make it free. Get your Eero on, get your Wi-Fi on. All right, it's a special edition of KFC Radio featuring the guy behind the masterpiece that is Epic Mealtime, Harley Morenstein. Hi, thank you so much for having me. Yeah, dude, I feel like we kind of connected on Twitter,

I think, years ago, right? I feel like we've been following each other for a long time. So this has been a long time coming. Happy to have you here. Yeah, it's been like, I feel like six years. Is that possible? Six years. I mean, at this point,

we've been doing this shit so long, you throw out any number. Who were you six years ago? Yeah, bro, you have no idea. Honestly, I have an excellent idea. I was that same scumbag. No, I'm 33 years old now, and when I was 26, I was a child.

Like, a 26-year-old man is not a man at all. I just turned 30, and I'm still very much a child. I turned 33, and I'm going back to 26, so I'm going the opposite direction now. The internet's never-never land, though. It doesn't fucking matter. Everything we do is

it's real, but not. Yep. It'll last forever, but it doesn't matter ever. That's a great way to put it. It's like, wait, be careful. It'll last forever, but it matters for seven seconds. Yeah. That's a great way to put it.

That's, that's our lives. I gotta, I gotta be honest. I actually like, I did a lot of vine. Yeah. Like when vine was a thing. You're one of those assholes. Oh my God. I look back, like I look back at my vine account.

I'm like like this is terrible i'm i'm garbage i shouldn't even be in this industry like this is so stupid yeah and then i look back and like like vine had been like a lucrative couple of years for me through vine because some advertisers like oh vine we're all about vine yeah can you do a six second video where you say hamburger and i'm like yeah they're like, and here's his check. And I'm like, okay. So like,

you know, I'm kind of like, it was almost like a stock market bubble burst type of thing where it was just like, put all your money in mind. Wait, nevermind. It sucks,

dude. I remember watching, I remember watching 60 minutes and it was the 60 minutes on social influencers. And it was, um, uh, is that the one with Viners and Kim kardashian or something exactly i forget i

forget it was logan paul kim kardashian and the other i forget the other dude's name you didn't interview king batch that's what it was and i saw logan paul do a six second ad for duncan donuts and he was like i just made 250 grand for that and he was like he's like dude it's so easy i just do one take i I'm the fucking man. I was like, I'm going to fly to LA and murder this motherfucker. I remember that. He blogged about it

being like, I'm going to kill everyone who works at Vine. I think you would have been able to kill like 90% of them and you run into Harley. I was like,

never mind. I would have been like, yo, dog, chill. Just hold the camera and I'll give you a kickback right now. There you go. And I was going to say,

you know what's easier than killing everyone? Starting a Vine. Starting a Vine. Honestly, it might not be though it might be harder because we mentioned how i am on camera it's not i'm not very good at it yo i still vine really i mean i never did it like professionally but just as far as like making like we would always film um like highlights of sports off the tv so you see the pitch you see the home

run you see him crossing the i like six seconds good. Yeah. Like, for this world, six seconds is all I need. So I like that idea, but, yeah, if you were in the world of, like... The progression from the way the internet started, like, videos, to Vine was so funny, because, like, in high school, we'd crowd around a laptop, or not a laptop, a fucking Apple... Desktop, yeah. One of those things, and we'd watch four-minute videos. And as long as it was kind of funny we'd watch like the whistles go woo and all

like that was the um not my chair not my problem like those are longer videos and then eventually got to look if it's a minute video don't fucking send it to me and then it was if it's longer if it's seven seconds i'm out i do not have the time for it and i'll be honest i understand but now these days like someone sends me something i'm like yo dog like give me something that's like 15 minutes pop up on the big screen. Take a seat. I think that matters. I don't want to like pick up the controller every minute and find another video.

Like I want to get lost for like 20 minutes. I feel like the world of vlogs, the world of being able to like Chromecast where you're not watching it on your fucking tiny screen anymore. I think it's kind of going back the other direction. So as I'm talking to you now, I thought you I feel like you're more of an internet guy who happens to eat, not like not a food guy who just decided to do it on the internet. Which way would you put it? Yeah. I'm like, uh, I mean, like I was never like, oh, I love food. I got to get my passion for food out into the world. Right. I was like, uh, I've always liked production. I've always liked being creative. I always like stuff like that. Uh, I mean, like I was taking acting lessons before this and then

going to commercials or auditions and they'd be like, oh, sorry, there's no part for that unfuckable ogre. I'm sorry, can I say that? That's bare minimum, bro. We're going to get a lot deeper than that. Bare minimum, the second movie I was

in, actually. It was Small Penis Porno. What was I saying what am I talking about I took acting lessons and I would go to these auditions they'd be like

oh no there's no like large drunk fuckable ogres in this so get the fuck out yeah leave and I was like I'm gonna start my own thing and it's gonna be fun

and I'm gonna talk a lot and I'm gonna get all the lines and I'm the star of my own show fuckers I'm gonna be fun, and I'm going to talk a lot, and I'm going to get all the lines. I'm the star of my own show, fuckers. Yeah, I'm going to be the star. And yeah, Epic Meal Time just was spawned from a picture. I saw a picture when someone put burgers on a pizza.

Someone put a Happy Meal on a pizza. Remember that, yeah. Next to a stack of cash and a gun. I'm like, oh, I'm like that. Not all those things. I'm like, that could be more than just that picture. I'm like, that could be, I guess, 800 videos in eight years. Yeah, we have like 800 videos.

I feel like. I was going to say, wait, you go first. No, you. No, you. I just, the story of Barstool is very much all about timing. When it started, how it started, Boston sports being good while it was on the rise. I feel like between how old you are, the internet unfolding the way it did, and like the food craze

of like, let's put bacon on a fucking donut on top of a burger on top of a cereal. I sound like that to you? No, you sound like you belong. It sounds like you speak to us as spit and chicklets. Yeah, you do. I mean, the Canadian accent is a nice touch. You've got the beard. You look like you live in a cabin

in Canada. Yeah, yeah. I look like I'd be good at it, but I'm actually terrible at skating. Yeah, that's not good. From the one time I did go, there was this show called Blue Mountain State that was filmed in Montreal. And I went to an audition before Epic Mealtime. And I tried out for the part. And they're like, oh, you got it. I'm like, oh, great.

And I got there the day. And they're like, all right, so you put on these skates. And I'm like, I don't know how to skate. And they're like, why not? You're from Canada. They're like, look at you. And I'm like, I know, know how to skate. And they're like, why not? You're from Canada. They're like, look at you. And I'm like, I know, but no one said anything about skating. No, I can't skate.

And they're like, oh, you don't have this part then. And literally, I got the part because they're like, oh, this guy is such a, look at this hockey guy. He loves skating. I don't. I had nothing. It's just my voice. Yeah, literally.

That's it. It's just my voice and my beard and just being a large guy. But no, you can't put me on skates. I almost died in Montreal recently. Oh, shit. That's it. Just my voice and my beard and just being a large guy. But no, you can't put me on skates. I almost died in Montreal recently. Oh, shit. Yeah, I went to Beach Club. Right? You went to Beach Club?

Yeah, and passed out in the woods. How'd you get in the woods? I don't know. You're not supposed to be in the woods there. There's a lot of story. Hold on, wait. Who'd you go to Beach Club with? It was like a bachelor party.

Oh, you pigs. What? You pigs. Terrible, terrible pigs. He did not pass out. He took a nap. He tripped and fell, and he was like, I'm just going to stay down here for a little while. Or tripping. No, it was just drunk. No, just drunk. I had to think about it for a second.

Just drunk. Every drink at beach club, by the way, they put GHB in it. That's a joke. That's a joke. That's a joke. That's actually not true. Everything I just said there was a lie. Actually, that might explain a lot because I feel like I had three drinks. I don't remember anything after that.

But yeah, I fell in the woods and I was just like, I looked up and I had good, good, good tree coverage. And I was just like, this is good enough. This is a hell of a spot for a nap. And I woke up a couple hours later, hailed a cab home. I don't know how the fuck I found a cab. When none of your friends like were like, hey, man, where are you? Not this guy. It was a bachelor

party, so a lot of people got separated. Also, nobody really likes you. It was like Kevin McAllister. Where everyone's like, oh, he's in the other car. Don't worry about it. It's fine. I'm here, so don't worry about it. Beach Club is such an interesting... Beach Club is a place where

Kylie Jenner will get paid like $600,000 to come and cut her birthday cake and then throw like a piece of birthday cake in the crowd

and then like leave by helicopter while everyone else is like tripping and like that's the life man it was Sean Paul that day

Sean Paul my guy Sean Paul Sean Paul Sean Paul he might have never showed up. I don't know. Like I said, I got GHB.

All it takes is you just got to put it on. I said that you can't take my excuse for you. So did you were you like deep into that YouTube world? I know you were very successful, but I mean, are you living it kind of like the Paul brothers and these guys who made like the community around it? Were you hanging out with other YouTubers? When I like I mean, when I first first started i was watching youtube here and there i would watch youtube but i didn't uh like it wasn't the same like when i watched youtube when i got

into youtube i was like yo i'm like i heard these guys are getting paid 90 of this is shit i'm like let's take a crack at it yeah that's that was the main motivation of it i was just like yo i heard this terrible this terrible show is getting that yeah one episode i remember watching this guy and like he was he was terrible content like he like showed how much money he made that week and i was a teacher at the time and i was like i can do better than that i'm like i can at least try you know um but you know a lot of people have like a rude awakening and i definitely could have had the rude awakening, but I got lucky with that big meal time.

It was the food that really picked up and it was the food on other sites that picked up. So it's not like, oh, I was so excellent. It's just that I had, uh, we had an idea that filled in like a really empty void in the space and accidentally, like really quickly, we just found ourselves at the spearhead of the food world at the time. Everyone was like, oh, you heard about kale? You know when you go to

buffets and they have stuff and it's sitting on this green shit? We eat that now. That's the world. That's the good stuff. That's what we want to eat. I was just like, yo, hamburgers though. And everyone's like, this guy! I'm like yo hamburgers though and i'm like this guy this guy i'm like yeah drinking like this guy this guy and and so like i know there was like major luck involved but then we we ran with it like we never like that first video went

up on a tuesday uh in october 2010 and i was like every tuesday now always for life and I'm like just for five years and then at the five-year point I'd be like that might be an idiot to stop now let's keep going and now I mean we're like at the eight-year point like we have a freaking jerky and yeah we're looking at it right now is this crazy so let me tell you something is this this this to me is is as crazy as like some of the epic meals we've done and stuff like the the people that I've met you don't understand it always gets real. I was at a bar yesterday and someone came up to me like, Hey,

can I get a picture? And I was like, yeah. And then someone was like, Oh, are you famous? And I don't know how to answer. And I'm like,

no, no, no, it's a bullshit. It's a stupid internet thing, man. It's like, I don't know how to answer because do you want the truth?

Cause in this little bubble, I kind of am. Yeah. But in the real world, I'm a fucking nobody. But it's like, but, but that guy over there has asked me for a picture. Like he's going to geek out. And if you don't know what's nobody Exactly But it's like But that guy over there

Was asking me for a picture Like he's gonna geek out And if you don't Know what's going on It's gonna look weird So I don't I don't wanna be an asshole But I kinda

You know in this situation It's weird I had It is totally a really weird thing To deal with Or answer And then it's like Oh why

What do you do It's like I eat hamburgers On the internet Oh you have a show Yeah On TV No it's on YouTube And they're like Ah okay See hamburgers on the internet. People are like, oh, you have a show? Yeah. On TV? No, it's on YouTube. And they're like,

okay. See you later, man. Let me show you my bank account, bro. On Sunday when I was at the Patriots game and a couple of people came up to the tailgate to take pictures with me and the tailgating next to me were a bunch of moms, a bunch of middle-aged women who would have no idea in the world who I am.

He did, he did. In the woods. Beach club. They were like, who are you? I was like, no, I'm nobody. It's not a thing. And they go, well, what do you do? And I said, I work for an internet website and video sometimes.

Oh, jeez. Oh, no. That's a terrible way to phrase it. All my friends are like, they think you're a porn star, bro. They think you're a fucking porn star. Terrible way to phrase it. Terrible way, man. I said I work for an internet website and make videos sometimes.

That's what I remember when I was like, when I was single and I had dating apps. I'm like, okay, what do I put in like my job? You know, if I put artist, that means I have no job. Yep, definitely. Unemployed. If I put like content creator, like a kid in kindergarten whose finger painting is a content creator. Influencer. Oh, the worst.

Yeah. I day rate people. I put drugs. We went to L.A. and they said, we want you to cross pollinate with the other influencers. And I was like, I'm going to fucking kill everyone in this room. You mean like talk to them? You mean speak to people? Come on.

What are we talking about here? Talk to people with Twitter accounts is what you're trying to say here. Basically. Basically. I was like, oh, man. Yeah, it's a strange. So we finally have a radio station now. So now I can just say radio host.

But for the longest time, blogger, you sound like a fake job. You just write a diary. Podcaster, everyone has a fucking podcast. Influencer, YouTuber, all that. Like, you know, and then you say producer, and they're like, oh, cool. Oh, a YouTube show. You're not a fucking producer. Right.

Yeah, you try to sound like you're in Hollywood. Even worse. Imagine, like, if you were, like, if your main gig was, like, you know, gaming on something. Yeah. And they're like, what do you do? And you're like, oh, I'm a gamer. And you're like, oh, you're like, what, like an e-sport pro? No, I yell.

Like, I yell all day at the games. And the kids fucking love it. No, it's a great world, though, man. I'm so happy this shit happened. Like, I'm 33. I'm happy it happened when it happened. Because if it happened, like, 10 years earlier, I'd be like, fuck you, dad. I'm fucking going to, I'm playing Minecraft for my life.

And 10 years later, you would be working. You'd, dad. I'm fucking going to, I'm playing Minecraft for my life. And 10 years later, you would, you would be working. You'd probably be a teacher still. You know what I mean? Like it all unfolded right now. I would have never finished school. I would have never done like any, I would have never gotten like real life experience. I mean, I taught for a couple of years. If I didn't teach for a couple of years, like I think my perspective would have been skewed.

Yeah. I think I would have, I would have messed this up much earlier. It's always good to have a taste of the real world Oh my god It helped me so much That's why John's living in Neverland I had a job before he didn't So he's forever a man baby

That's why things happen I'll always forever be grounded Things will happen, opportunities will happen And I'll be like yo this is crazy Never take it for granted This is crazy to me I went to Walmart I'm, dude, this is, this is crazy to me. I went to Walmart. I went to Walmart.

Like I'm at Walmart, like HQ pitching this, which, you know, it was big money. It's surreal being at the Walmart room. That's that Foxworthy money. Yeah.

Where he sells his game. I was gonna say, it's like, it's like I can go on dragons then, you know, is that what it's called? Shark tank? Oh yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I go on shark tank and be like,

uh, Oh, uh, here's my thing. And they'll be like, Oh yeah one. I go on Shark Tank and be like, oh, here's my thing. And they'll be like, oh, yeah, what's up? And I'll be like, well, it's in Walmart. And then they'll all be like, we're in. And then I can, you know, I got to get on Shark Tank. You're getting Walmart money? I think so.

Okay, well, then that's good. I just found out this podcast cost $10,000. Come on. Cut that down. Because they said, yeah, no one tells me about the money in there. Because they do. I just found out this podcast cost $10,000. Come on. No one tells me about the money in there because they do. I'll be like, let's buy fucking cars. Let's buy cars, get our dicks sucked. What are we doing, bro?

Let's handle this right now. This is cool. Let's buy cars. That was the first thing that came to mind. I don't know. Cars and fuck hoes. Let's go. I'm not even like a car guy. You got to buy cars. That was the first thing that came to mind. I don't know. Cars and fuck hoes. Let's go. I'm not even like a car guy.

You got to buy cars. I'm a blowjob guy. So the beef jerky, this is Supreme Pizza. I recommend the pepperoni pizza. These are pepperoni. They're not beef jerky, actually. This is pepperoni jerky. Pepperoni jerky. But it's not the only jerky.

We have other jerkies in the works, but this is the only one that's available right now. But it's cool because it's like a triangle bag. No one has triangle bags. We own the triangle bag. Are you fucking with me or are you really doing this? No, this is the pizza bag, the triangle bag. We own this bag. I couldn't call it Epic Mealtime Jerky.

That's why it's called Super Snack Time. Why not? Because it's fucking America, and I slept on it. And in 2013, a gigantic food corporation trademarked Epic Mealtime in the food space. I'd be mad about it, but I respect it so much. I'm like, that's the game, bro. I'm like, there's a game to it. But also, at the same time, I wouldn't blame you

if you murdered them in cold blood. Yeah, but I know that whole forget to copyright a thing. Yeah, he does. That does not feel good, man. So wait, you don't even own Epic Mealtime? I do. The slogan? I do, but not in food Motherfucker So I could be like Super Snack Time presents pizza-style jerky from the guys that make Epic Meal Time

Oh my god But I can't be like Epic Meal Time It's a mouthful Yeah I like Super Snack Time Yeah Because then, you know, I don't know, it's another pillar of this whole thing But it tastes good.

Well, let me tell you how good it is because you guys sent this to the office ahead of time, and our office manager named Spider, he just put it out with all the other snacks, thinking it was just like a shipment of snacks. He didn't know it was a promotional thing. He didn't know it was for you. Fucking Spider, man. It's all gone. Everybody ate it.

Fucking Spider. There's no better co-sign than that. Like, yeah, listen, we can have you on here, and we can talk about it. It is tasty all gone. Everybody ate it. Fucking Spider. There's no better cosign than that. Like, yeah, listen, we can have you on here, and we can talk about it. It is tasty, but we're plugging it. It's a promotion. Everybody in the office ate it because they thought it was good. What? They like this better than old apples in a basket?

No. I'm joking. I didn't see the snack. No, we do. There are old apples there. It depends. So here's what happens. We have a security guard named Ebony, and she orders the snacks.

It depends on how high she is when she orders the snacks. So, like, one time she got full-sized candy bars, like full-sized Twix. I mean, the whole thing was like we were in a bodega. And then other times if she's not high, it's like kale and shit like that. She got, like, one time she got, what is it, the Nutella with the sticks? Yeah. And she's like, do you like that shit? And I was like, yeah, I love it. She got so fucked up when I got got, what is it, the Nutella with the sticks? Yeah. And she's like, fight. Do you like that shit?

And I was like, yeah, I love it. She got so fucked up when I got that. I'm glad someone likes it. Great. It's great. You walk in, you're like, oh, Ebony was stoned. It's a good life. So when you walked in, you saw this.

You're like, yo, she was really good. Yeah, she was horrific. We got pizza jerky, dude. Pizza in a bag. I mean, it's right up there with pizza bagels and all the other pizza type foods pizza puts asses in the seats man yeah we i honestly like going to walmart was such a surreal experience like there's always like the reason why i brought up like someone came i was like oh like i can have a picture with you or if it was like it never ever like i'm always like

yo that's so crazy yeah like they walk i'm like that's crazy someone here knows me like from you know from videos on the internet and like going to Walmart, I'm like, this is crazy. I'm like, I'm here because, you know, like I said, I got lucky when I put the video up years ago and I put the hard work into it. But being at Walmart is really surreal. You know, I'm surrounded by people that, you know, they went to school for many years. They're, like, you know, in business. It looked like everyone was putting together group projects, kind of. They had their little Bristol boards and they had their, like, shirts tucked into their khakis,

and they had their cue cards, and they were going over their lines. And I felt like I was in school again. And, like, just like in school, I was like, what am I doing? Like, what am I going to do, you know? Yeah. Like, I'm in the group project, and I'm like, everyone's got their parts. And I'm like, I have my part. And I'm there to be like, it's true.

Yep. All of it. Everything. Everything they said. Yeah, but, I mean, none of that happens without you, like, just stuffing your face on the internet. I mean, we get a lot, like. What was the day after, though? Well, I'll be honest.

I'm very happy that it's not bad. Like, it's not a garbage thing where I'm like, haha, that's my pizza in a bag, right? You guys like it? And I'm, like, winking at you guys. Like, I taste tested them, and I'm like, haha, that's my pizza in a bag, right? You guys like it? And I'm like winking at you guys. Like I taste tested them. And I was like, this is really fucking good. I'm very happy about this.

Like I'm so proud of it. Like when people are like tried the jerky, it's shit. Like on Twitter, like I'll get like the most rare, like literally there's been like three people. And in my head, I'm like, you're a fucking liar. I'm like, you didn't have the jerky. Yeah, you're just saying. I know you don't like jerky. You don't like pizza.

You don't like jerky. You're a liar. You don't like me. You're just saying it don't like jerky you don't like pizza all right you don't like jerky you're a liar you don't like me you're just saying it for whatever reason that was the number one reason like you hate my face not the jerky's fault you don't like my beard you know but i i i mean the we get a lot like oh it's a dream job and i again coming from a shitty job i know that it's nicer than it could be but like anything else like it's hard sometimes like yeah we love watching sports but when it becomes your job you get anything else, it's hard. Sometimes, yeah, we love watching sports, but when it becomes your job, you get fed up with it. Your life became food. Are you ever like, I just want to drink a glass of water

and go to bed and not eat whatever, a 25,000-calorie meal? No matter what you do, no matter what it is, if you do something to get something, and in this case, we do this to get money for our living, you will automatically, no matter how much you love it, you will begin to resent it. It's actually, no matter what, it's scientific. It is what it is.

You know how on PlayStation or Xbox, you can play games and unlock achievements or trophies? You know those? Yeah, yeah. Those, that incentive, slowly makes you resent gaming even. Just give it to me. If you love. Even if you love it to me, if you love reading books and you love eating pizza and I'm like,

Hey, you're reading books for every chapter you read, I'm going to give you a slice of pizza and you read that. And then you realize like, Oh, I want pizza. Oh, I got to read a chapter of book.

I'm like, fuck this book, this book. It's only now, no matter what it is, it does. And you can't like, you can't like,

I mean, I've gone through an unfortunate for me after eight years. And you can't like, you can't like, I mean, I've gone through, and unfortunately for me, after eight years, like there was like a one year period where I really despised it. And I guess I got through this moment in time. Like I heard once that Bruce Willis hates being John McClane. He hates Die Hard. And like sometimes people would be like, you know, they'd be like, Die Hard. Yeah, bro.

And he'd be like, I fucking hate that. And I think of that and I'm like, that's terrible. Like, you know, like I know, I know of him because of Die Hard. Die Hard is so cool. And I thought about it. I was like, Bacon Strips is like my Nakatomi Plaza. I should be really happy. I should be John McClane about it. And unfortunately, my years were my year of like not being happy like which is like three years ago

it's there and i look like kind of miserable in it the videos kind of take a hit and i never stopped doing it though because like people depend on it but i stuck with it and now here i am like after that i got like happy again i found a happiness you know it sounds so cliche but like finding the balance like it's totally true and as more success comes you get to do cool shit like release your own jerky totally and that's it like it's things like this where i'm like i'm so happy like i stuck with it i'm so happy that i found happiness in it and like you know stayed motivated you know what i mean because even if i stayed teaching i'd rather be you know unhappy making a a show something that i've always wanted to do than be unhappy doing something that makes me unhappy you know

teaching did make me happy, but I mean, if I ended up doing a job exactly that I wasn't going to ultimately be unhappy with. So, I don't know. It's a trip. It's all a trip. I'm happy how it turns out, but yeah, there are moments where it's a job. You can't forget that. I have to

get on phone calls or go to meetings or do things where I'm just like, well, I wanted to just film and be an idiot. Yep. Yep. We know that. These guys, our producers are always like, we got to do this, that, the other thing. What do you think about this, that?

I'm like, I just want to like talk about my dick on the podcast. You do the rest of that. You're killing the creative vibe. Well, what do you need? I need like no one to need anything. Just no one to do anything. Nobody talk to me. When I'm ready, then we will do it and it'll be great because I'm happy that we're doing it.

And if you make me do it, I'm not going to be happy. True. So you want an unhappy podcast? That's what this guy eats. Preach. Say it louder. Say it louder for the people in the back, man. I've gotten that with Brett so much recently.

He keeps coming up being like, we need new fall stuff. I'm like, I can't think about it right now. I can't think when someone asks me to think. I'll get back to you. I like that, yeah. I get a call and say, okay, there's a couple things. I'm like, well, can you send it to me in an itemized email? No, just one text message, just clean, and I can look at it and know

and then not have to talk about every single thing, repeat everything. I've had so many. Well, one thing is when I was living in L.A. and we would have all these awesome opportunities and stuff like that, people were like, oh, yeah, we've got to go meet for a lunch or whatever. And you'd go meet for lunch, and it's like 40 minutes to get to this trendy spot and get a table and sit down and order and eat. You pay money.

And then you have what is essentially an email. Like one single email of an interaction. so let's do it and that's exactly like yeah fucking yeah i i realized being in la la is like super like ritualistic like it's all about like the lunch meeting when i came to new york like because we've done some business new york what i like about new york is like la i could walk in and be like okay so here's the idea it's called the bare minimum it's just all about guys little dicks and they're like oh we love it it's so good I'm sure we can get Disney on board like absolutely let's do that let's put it all together let's make that happen for sure okay we'll stay in touch and then you leave and then you're like wow that's so cool oh it's like a week that maybe two weeks there I don't know in New York like if you go

into a meeting like so it's called the bare minimum, and they're like, no, we're only about Big Dick. Sorry, peace. Shoot me straight, man. You're like, thank you. Thank you for that. I'll go find you a Big Dick. Okay, thanks. Or I'll just go pitch it somewhere else.

But thank you for... Can you show me to the Small Dick studio? Are they down the block? There's literally no bad meetings in LA. I've never once left and been like, that would drive me crazy. We didn't nail it. Actually, I think we had some. Oh, you set a record.

What'd you do? We had several bad ones. It's a matter of fact. What'd you guys do? The problem is we don't know L.A. life at all. So, like, we were trying to get, like, our merch and our slogans, like, in movies. Like, in the background of a movie, the waiter is wearing our shirt or whatever it was. And they were like,

a couple meetings in, we basically all of a sudden were telling them, we're in the script. So you know that waiter in the back? It's actually going to be us. We're going to be the stars and it'll be a sex scene with him, an action scene with me. And eventually they were like, here's the deal. Other brands pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for this and you think you're just

going to get it for free? We're going to need to be paid when we're in it. Not free. We plan on tweeting it. 100% we're going to tweet it. I think that was our selling point. We said it'll go viral. People will take pictures of their TV screen. But by the time, the first

meeting we had was like, we were very timid. We were scared going in, because it was the first, I think we were there forid. We were scared going in because it was the first. I think we were there for three days or something like that. Day one. Our first L.A. experience. It was very nerve wracking. And then by day two, meeting three, we were walking in like,

where the fuck is my water? I want to be in this movie. I want The Rock in a barstool shirt. I'll give a fuck about the extra. Hell with them. Dwayne Johnson doing curls in a barstool shirt. I'll give a fuck about the extra. Hell with them. Dwayne Johnson doing curls in a barstool shirt. That's actually, there's multiple people in LA you could meet that will sell you a product that will make you feel that way, actually. That you'll go into every meeting like that.

And then you realize everyone in LA has met that same dude and is using that same product to be like, bro, you think The Rock's going to wear your shirt? I'll call The Rock right now. I actually had some very super Hollywood interactions when I was out there where I was like, yo, it's real. Like every cliche in the movies, everything like that is totally, it's actually like my interaction's actually real. And I've been in the scenario where I've had, you know, two people that worked with us. And I realized back then you don't mix your Hollywoods.

I'm like, I know this guy in Hollywood. He's really nice. He's a super cool dude. I like him. I know this other guy in Hollywood. He's really nice. He's a super cool dude. He wants to go for dinner.

He wants to go. I'm going to go for dinner with both of them. And then they get there, and you're like, hey, what's up? They're like, yo, what's up? Hey, what's up? Hey, what's up? Yo, what's up? And then they see each other and they're like, what the fuck is that guy doing here? You fucking with my money.

That guy's trying to take my money. I swear to God, I swear to God, I have mixed my Hollywoods before and it resulted in fights where one was saying to the other, I'm going to cut your fucking head off, like yelling. And I'm with my brother who's my business partner and we're just like elbowing each other on the table like, it's real. It like it's like real hollywood like don't fuck with my money shit um you know like i knew this guy he has four cars and he's like it's just him but he has four cars and he's like whenever i get home i gotta like get out of my car and pull two cars out of the driveway so i could put this one into the garage because you

don't leave a car like this out I'm like yeah man I'm like you also don't need all these cars see why I said oh we got to get cars I'm like I know how it works you gotta get all these cars you gotta get cars and flat screens um but I found it uh really interesting when one time they uh one of these guys these two guys one had uh let's say they're Tom and Bill. Tom, there was an entertaining weekly magazine. It was like coolest, baddest agents in LA. And Tom is on the cover of that and with other agents and there's a write-up. And Bill is in there with like a special write-up.

So whenever I would go see Tom, and these are the guys that I mixed at dinner, and I would go, oh, that's Bill's magazine. And he'd be like, that's Bill's magazine? I'm on the fucking cover. And I'm like, oh, shit, you are. And then when I would see Bill, I'd be like, yo, that's Tom's magazine. He goes, Tom's magazine? What, because he's on the cover? Who got the special write-up inside? But they don't realize that every time I see either of them, I say

the exact same thing, but they're so robotic that they always go into the same self-defense response mode that they're like, you think that's his magazine? That's mine. And it's just, it's funny that they never even realized that I'm just like in there every time. I'm laughing at myself.

I'm being like a little shit bag. You're a child just enjoying yourself. Exactly. I'm entertaining myself by fucking with LA idiots. It sounds like you kept, do you live in LA? No, I lived there for two years and now I live in Toronto. I moved from Montreal. Yeah. So we're in Canada. I was going to say, it sounds like you haven't do you live in LA? No, I lived there for two years and now I live in Toronto. I moved from Montreal. Yeah.

So we're in Canada. I was going to say, it sounds like you haven't, you know, gone Hollywood at all. No, I, but I did,

I did meet many people. There are people that I met, uh, you know, the, one of the guys who produced our show, he's born and raised in LA. And I guess that makes for like,

it is like, that's not supposed to happen. Born and raised in LA and working in the entertainment industry doesn't happen, but I guess it makes for a real person because the not real people are like, yo, I'm the fucking – I made it. I'm the sickest guy in Wisconsin. I'm going to go to LA and I'm going to take over. And then they go with that mentality.

They meet up that dude that's where you're like, I want the rock and the t-shirt. And you got that and you're doing that all the time. And you're like next level and you just – you win some and you find yourself in a power position. And like, you know, maybe that's how you feel. But I have met cool dudes. And I guess that's it. Like when I go to L.A. and the people that I meet, they're not L.A. I do definitely have a Hollywood bunch.

Sometimes I'm like, yo, let's get stupid tonight. Let's get stupid. I'm going to call up the L.A. crew. I'm going to call up the creatures. Let's see what happens. But for the most part, like a lot of people that I meet that I've met and that I've maintained a relationship with are real people.

They're out there. It happens. Come across them. Hang on to them. Yeah, 100%. It's wild how much it's grown and what you've done with it. Congrats on everything. Thank you. Super Snack is in Walmart. Is it across the country? It's in Walmart. You can get it on supersnacktime.com also because I know it's not available in Canada.

My mom's pissed off about that, but it's not at Walmart in Canada. This year, the buffalo-style pizza. I really like that one. It's really spicy. I didn't expect it. She was like, watch out. Wait. Yeah, there's a thing.

We spent so much money and effort and time making that thing, and I just watched you do that. There we go. I'm an idiot. Don't worry. No, no. Also, he ripped up. He messed the tear up.

Yeah, he did. We spent so much time making it that be an easy tear, and you guys both just threw everything. Literally, we had scientists. Well, let me tell you, we are quality assurance, so back to the drawing board. Dumbass scientists. Yeah, let's write that down.

We got to fix that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. The buffalo is legit. Yeah. Well, thank you, man. Thank you for coming through. Absolutely.

It was very cool to see you all behind the scenes. Sorry about Pacioretty, too. I don't follow sports. At all, huh? No, tell me. Even as a Canadian? I mean, he already said

he doesn't skate and shit. I could have told you he wasn't going to watch it. Well, I played football for 10 years, but that was Canadian football. I don't play football, but I watch football. I figured in Canada you had to be at least kind of a Canadian sky, but Patrick Redding traded to Golden Knights. He was taking acting.

Oh, I went to a Golden Knights game last year. I've never been. Obviously, I went to the first hockey game in a while, and I went to this Golden Knights game, and was so excited. I, like, got there, I was like, yo, I'm like, this feels, I've been to hockey games like Montreal Canadiens playoffs, when it's, like, special occasion and I've gone, and I'm like, this is so

exciting! This is really exciting. But, like, just the regular season Golden Knights game was on that level, like, it was really, really crazy there. But, as I understand, they were winning, right? Yeah, they were like the best. Doesn't Vegas seem like the place where if they're not winning, they're going to be like, fuck these guys and no one's going to go there?

I would imagine. If I'm in Vegas and I have the option between doing all of what Vegas has to offer and go see a bad hockey game. What do they offer? What does Vegas offer? There's a couple things you can dabble in. I know you can gamble, but what else can you do there? You can get down with the creatures.

You can find the creatures. We're going to go eat some food. You want to get down with us? We're going to do some good food, bad food, and some drinking, if you're interested. All right. Thank you, man. We appreciate it. Go get the turkey.

Super snack time. Of course, check out Epic Meal Time on YouTube. It's still out every Tuesday? Every Tuesday, baby. God damn. It's so fucking crazy. That's doing the thing. Thank you, man.

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All right, let's get it. It's KFC Radio featuring Mixtape. We got Tyler I.M. We got Coley Mick back. This is, you know, Tyler. Are you two the only two who have become your Twitter handles? Were your Twitter handles already your nickname? I think you're the only two in the office referred to as Coley Mick and Tyler I.M.

That's the only ad I've ever had. No, but I mean like your nickname before. Oh, like before I was on it? Yeah. Yeah, since elementary school people have called me Tyler I.M. I think it's weird when people, Dave does this most often, he'll say people's handle, but when it's Barstool. So he'll be like Barstool Eddie and Barstool JJ. It's like a surname.

It's like we all are going to have Barstool in there, man. You don't have to say it out loudstool. So he'd be like Barstool Eddie and Barstool JJ. It's like a surname. It's like we all are going to have Barstool in there man. You don't have to say it out loud every time. But yeah you guys are you guys make your bones on the internet. You've been doing this internet social media thing for the longest time. So that's who you are. It's true. I'm fine with it. Yeah no me too. I mean I have no problem

living my life like completely on the internet. I'm much cooler on the internet. What I've done is I've stopped living my life outside. Right. Whereas I'll go, I'll go. Finally, you've listened to me,

boy. I've had a lot of like weddings this summer. So I was, I'll see friends who I hadn't seen in a while. And one thing I've gotten a handful of times is that like, you're a lot different. Cause you just, you're like,

I used to always, before I worked at Barstool, I used to always be putting on a show. I was like the entertainer. I had to be like the hands moving, and I was that. Center of attention, yeah. Imagine that poor group of friends. Now I just –

Take your chips out of your pocket and be like, all right, fight or burn. Now I just sit there quietly, and I'm like, dude, I do it all day now. I don't want to fucking do it anymore. And his friends are like, thank God. Yeah. Now I do all my living on the internet and none of it in real life. If you, I mean, Cole is at his best. Like, you can be whoever you want on the internet.

So why would you, like, why would you just play the hand you're dealt when you can just go in the deck and be like, ace, king, queen, jack. That's what the internet is. The internet, it's a lot of people that don't know how to play cards. So they're like, yeah, I'm going to deal a bunch of threes. People like threes. Yeah. No, man. You can be pretty.

You can be funny. You can be cool. You can be tough. I'm 6'8 on the internet. Nobody's any of the wiser. I've been doing that shit for so long, too. Like, AOL. So I moved. I went from the Bronx to Philly then back to the Bronx. So I made friends, lost friends, made friends. So I've been, like like just doing fucking internet friends since it was cool to have

internet friends so i'm like totally fine with it i feel like some people think it's weird even still to this day i'm like like g chat man like we i i don't think i hung out with keith for like a couple years oh yeah we lived in the same city started this all together i was like i'll just talk to you on the internet long before the new york move you and keith dan all would have been like in my wedding party and i'd met you guys a combined seven times but you were the people i talked to all day oh we're getting married now huh my wedding party well i don't know we'll see how it goes. No, no, no. No, no, no. You buffoon. Just a wedding party. It's not a marriage.

Yeah, in fact, I didn't think that. But you took it there. That's fine. I just thought, you know, you. You said we're getting. You look in the eye and went, oh, we're getting married. Yeah, like the royal we. Fights is.

Fights is going to. I just haven't heard you say you're going to get married. Oh, I've talked about weddings before. Not yours. There are 500 episodes of this shit. Someone prove I've talked about weddings before. Not yours. There are 500 episodes of this shit. Someone prove me wrong. Go listen to all fucking 500 and see if I never mentioned a wedding. You know someone's going to do that, right?

Yeah, I hope so. Yes. I hope so. You get those downloads up. I feel like we probably will get married eventually, John, me and you. I think Mixtape might be the only other show that I think has the history. If we were ever to do the newlywed couples,

the newlywed game with all the podcasts, I feel like in the final round it would be us versus them. I can see that. You guys have been internet friends for forever. Several years. Seven or eight years. We're at like eight, nine.

I feel like it's... Yeah, like 2011. Yeah. It's crazy. That's a fucking long ass time. Tyler had 80 followers and he was just a can of Colt 45. True. I had more followers than him.

That didn't last long. You fucked yourself on that because you used to retweet him all the time. It's fucking funny. And eventually I was like, I got to follow this dude. You fucked yourself. You really did. It was like, oh, this this dude. You cut yourself. You really did. It was like, oh, this guy,

here's a funnier guy than me. You don't ever do that, Coley. It's fine. I've also just taken like a belt and just attached myself to him.

Yeah, there you go. That's where I'm going to. No, you're not giving yourself enough credit, Coley. You're funny on these

internet streets too. It's true. I've just cornered the market on the worst sports takes ever. It's just like, call me crazy, Patriots. Should have scored a touchdown there. People get very angry. Well, of course we did.

Of course they should. This is not rocket science. Everyone else is just stupid. So that's all I got going for me. Do you find yourself, because you guys are deeper on social media than anybody here. I'll get PFT too Do you find yourself, because you guys are deeper on social media than anybody here. Okay, PFT too. Yeah, true, true.

But what he does is different, I feel like, from the way you guys are on there. Are you getting sick of the internet? Oh, yeah. Getting. I've been sick of the internet for many years. So we were talking a couple episodes ago saying, like, the question was, I'll pose it to you guys. What dollar amount to be gone from the internet like seven dollars so because there's two schools of thought like yeah i want out of this shit but me and john said i don't think i could put a price on it because that means you just can't even be like a social

person it's like did you see that video did you hear this story no like who am i talking to who's asking me these questions no one because i'm not on the internet valid point i'm just saying i i i feel like you guys are still out there making like still being funny still doing the damn thing after all that like after how much you how deep you guys have gone i think i'd be like I'm out of this fucking mess. Multiple times. Oh yeah. That is true. I don't think we get,

you know, you don't get enough heat for that, man. It's like fireman Ed. He was out on the jets. You can't come back. If you think I'm going to quit again, you're crazy.

When, when do you think that next retirement's coming? You're Brett, Brett Farvin, this shit over here. I don't know. Sometimes you just know. You just wake up, you just fax it in like Jordan.

I've kind of done that. I haven't left the internet, but I don't really tweet unless it's... I rarely tweet. I used to send 40 tweets a day. Now it's mostly KFC Radio promo. Right, now it's work. And you kind of save it for the show. So you don't want to say... Like today,

I saw two fucking... two construction workers with yarmulkes on. That was crazy to me. On top of the helmet? I should have tweeted. No, they were on their break, and they were kind of just

sitting there. They were getting a coffee in one of the carts, and they had yarmulkes on, a helmet in their hand, and I was like... Were they big? getting a coffee in one of the carts, and they had yarmulkes on their helmet in their hand. And I was like – Were they big? Were they like burly construction guys? They were sizable. Kevin almost said burly Jews. I was just going to say they were sizable Jews.

But I wanted to sneak a picture and tweet that. And I said, you know what? We got to talk about that. We'll save that one for the show. Were they like cat calling? Hey, that babushka, let him over here. I got a lucky for you.

I just don't think of blue-collar work as one that the Judean people take part in. Not since the pyramids have they done any manual labor. They are the best constructors maybe ever. They were like, listen, we're out. They walked off. We're walking through the ocean.

We're done with this. Do you see the Sphinx? Do you see the Pyramid of Giza? You know what I mean? I have shown how good I am at this. It's time to conquer banking. You go do Hollywood. I'm going to go to banking.

We are done with this brick and mortar masonry bullshit. Oh, the Jews. Good for them. Good for them. Ah, we got one Oh, the Jews. Good for them. Good for them. We got one head in the hand. That's what we're going to do when we launch our video podcast. We need to have a camera

explicit, like just on him, and we'll have it go like ding, ding, ding. See how many times we can get head in the hand. The head in the hand cam coming to you on KC Radio. Alright, so let's do these voicemails um voicemail time with our boys from mixtape this is like we're doing mixtape on kc radio this is like a two and a half hour edition here so uh voicemails today with coley and tyler i brought you by tommy john tommy john i'm one of my tommy john boxers right now oh Oh, this is great.

I wear my Tommy John boxers on important days. Like, everyone has their big game boxer briefs. Tommy John are mine. So I knew I was going to be coming into the office today. Today was when I recorded the Nate Diss track, Pied Piper. And so I put my big game boxer shorts on. Because you don't want to be distracted by anything. You want to make sure everything's in place,

everything's comfortable, everything's dry, everything's easy access, doesn't ride up, doesn't roll down. So you can go about your business. The last thing on your mind is, are my underwear annoying me? Or do my underwear look good? With Tommy John, you know it's going to be.

There's a no-wedgie guarantee. It's comfortable, stay put waistband, luxuriously soft, featherathered leg. Moisture wicking. Breathable. And designed to move with you, not against you. Doing a fucking battle rap right now. They got women's underwear now, too. Shout out to the ladies.

Want to get the Tommy John thong on? Do it up. They're back in stock. Go to TommyJohn.com slash KFC for 20% off your first order. That's TommyJohn.com slash KFC for 20% off. I feel like you come up here, what, maybe the quarterly, I feel like? Call it the quarterly Tyler trip. Maybe Blue Moon, yeah. Yeah, I feel like every time we do it, we got to get mixtapes in the building.

And every time we do it, it's a fucking instant classic. So let's let these voicemails rip. The people were clamoring for it recently. They were. They are. They always are. Not recently enough. All right. KFC fights Super Producer. They were. They are. They always are. Not recently enough. All right.

KFC fights Super Producer. I'm just going to get right into it. I had a night out. Things were going great. Met a nice girl. Later that night, she takes me back to her place. We walk in. It's like a nice, small, one-bedroom apartment.

And I walk in, and there's like 20 pictures of her with dolphins so red flag kind of right away and then also i noticed there were probably like 20 crosses on the wall and what's worse i kind of knew i was in trouble from then i obviously didn't know her too long but i kind of had a feeling things would go bad but when we started hooking up in bed, she was telling me to eat her out and do all that, which is fine. But then when it's time for her to reciprocate, she tells me that giving me head was something she believed was spiritual, and she proceeded to break out lotion to give me a hand job. Now, this was probably the worst experience of my life,

since I could just do that shit on my own. I was just wondering what you guys thought about that. Have a good one. A lot to unpack here. This is like four voicemails in one. First of all, I'm going to come out and say that I think a lotioned-up handjob is perfectly fine. I think the handjob gets a bad rap. Correct.

If you're in seventh grade... No, no, no, no, no, no. Well, listen, I mean, it depends if this girl does not know what she's doing at all. People who say, like, I can do that myself, you can do a lot of things yourself. It's always better when someone else does it to you. I can make a sandwich. When someone else makes you a sandwich, it always tastes better.

Fair, fair. If someone can break me off with two hands and lotion, that shit's going to feel good. I would rather get a bomb-ass hand job, double hand job, than some, like, shitty head. Put pepper cracker? Yeah. You get hands going all over the place, man. Grating the parmesan. No doubt.

Say when. And much like that, when I'm at the restaurant, I'm always like, no, a little more. A little more. Keep going. Keep going. Almost. I'm almost. So I'm okay with that.

I feel like people automatically always default to the I can do that myself. I feel like. I don't like it for the spiritual reasons. It's like clearly we've already broken whatever spiritual laws you believe in. You know, that is the most elaborate excuse to not want to give someone head I've ever heard in my life. I would rather you just say, I don't want to suck your dick, than try to tell me spirituality is the reason you're cock walking me i don't know i i i'm i'm fine with excuses whatever like you you wanted to beat her because i beat her on the bush with everything i never tell the truth about shit so like everything yourself just lying for nothing yeah like all

time for nothing like oh i'm sick i don't do last last last weekend last weekend i weekend I told my I didn't want to go all the way up to Boston for the basketball I ended up going, but I texted my friends I was like, yo, I got a lot of work to do I worked on a weekend in four years I was going to say And you work at Barstool Sports People are like, no, you don't have work

And then they were like, don't lie to me And I was like, fuck If that was me, I'd have been like, I get it They just don't want to come Okay, was like, fuck. And if that was me, I'd have been like, I get it. They just don't want to come. Okay, cool. I get it. All right. That's fine.

But just let's just girls, just so we all know, if you're going to throw out excuses like that, everybody, the guys know the real deal. It's just, you don't want to suck our dick. Just saying. Be nice about it. It's cool. One dolphin picture. So let's get to the crux of the issue here.

We buried the lead on this. 20 dolphins. No, no, no. We did the appetizer. We did the appetizer. Now let's get to the crux of the issue here. We buried the lead on this. We just, no, no, no. We did the appetizer. We did the appetizer. Now let's get to the main course. 20 dolphins. Actually, let me say this.

What's worse is the crucifixes everywhere or the dolphins everywhere. I think you can make an argument either way. Is it the same dolphin? There's like 20 different dolphins? That might be weird too. Like how many angles do you need of this dolphin? You've got one picture with a dolphin. I swam with dolphins once.

Won't do it again. So anyone who did it 20 times. And also, as a girl, very dangerous to swim with dolphins. Oh, yeah. Very rapey fish. Yeah. They are like the only other creature on the planet that exhibits rape tendencies. Don't get Ron in here.

He'll tell you ducks as well. Ducks rape us, huh? Yeah, ducks are the rapists of the sky. Everyone knows that. Well, then, dolphins are the rapists of the sky. Everyone knows that. Well, then, dolphins are the rapists of the water. They've got it all handed. And we've got land. Get us together.

We're the U.S. Army. Get us together. We cover land, sea, and air, baby. We're raping everybody on this planet. That's worse than the crosses, though, right? I mean, listen. You've met people who cross everywhere. They're a little weird, but you've experienced them before You know what that enemy is like

You don't know what the dolphin enemy is like Their whole wall is looking like a Lisa Frank Like journal Like what are you doing? I don't Anybody, any animal to be honest Aside, even like puppies, even dogs If you go to the extent that said this, if you're a dog mom and all that kind of shit. That's the biggest red flag in the world.

I'm a pug mommy. Bitch, no, you're not. You own a dog. Yeah. I'm a dog guy. Just don't go being like, this is my little baby. No. You can use your dog voice.

Don't get me wrong. Everybody's got a dog voice. Don't be silly. Yeah, you get a dog voice. But don't give it a last name. This is Maisie Feidelberg. No, that's May. That's my girl May. And she's part of the family, but she's not really part of the family.

You could maybe slow dance with your dog on camera and cry a little bit, but don't you dare say that you're her father. I didn't cry. Everyone else cried. You cried. I didn't cry. I've done that 10 million times. Well, then you were acting. You were lying to us. I didn't cry. You wiped a tear. You wiped something when you did that.

I'm sure I probably joked about it. What's the animal could she have on the wall where you'd be like, nah, this is a no-go. Ferret. 20 ferrets or a reptile yeah I mean in general I think you can have

a dog as a pet I think I don't like cats but you know plenty of people have cats and if you want to have like an aquarium because you just have like fish that's almost like a decoration again I don't like that but I'm not going to judge you if you have like an aquarium in your house anything other than that i'm judging she's like these are my lemurs i don't even know what a lemur is bro if i walked in and i saw she

had a picture with like 20 penguins i would have a lot of questions like how do i get i was gonna say penguins penguin might be the animal where i'm like will you marry me i don't know you fuck with penguins that's pretty cool grow up with a'm like, will you marry me? I don't know. You fuck with penguins. That's pretty cool. Didn't you grow up with a monkey? My father did. My father had a one-eyed spider monkey that he called, a literal spider monkey, that he called Deadeye.

And the neighbor's dog ate it. Ate the whole monkey? Ate the whole monkey. That's a fucking pussy-ass monkey. I feel like a monkey. Monkeys rip faces off people. You might not have seen him coming. Wait, wait, wait. I'm going to stand up for my man Deadeye here. Chimpanzees rip faces off. Spider monkey is

like the fucking thing. Like a compulsion. Like a Nate. It's very funny. Monkey got tied. The dog, I believe, was like a fucking Great Dane or something. It was like a monster dog. How old were you when this occurred? I was not alive. This was when he was a kid.

I don't have any experience with... If you have children and you have a one-eyed monkey... That's what I was saying. I was like, man, oh, man. Child Protective Services. Kevin's like, you're not talking about my brother like that.

Yeah, we had a funeral for the monkey. It was a very sad moment for the family. Other than penguins, though, I feel like any other animals man correct 20 pictures you also i think you like i don't give a shit about the spiritual aspect like i hate the fucking the cross shit you can't be both you can't come home and get eaten out and give a hand job and have 20 crosses you want to have like a cross tattooed on you whatever you want to have one cross above the doorframe?

Fine. But if you are trying to put off the vibe that you are an extraordinarily devout Catholic, you got to fucking live it. Or you got to be super into anal because those people are usually like, that doesn't count. Everybody knows you're still a virgin. You only get fucked in the ass. That's what I'm saying. So if she breaks out that, you better be like, yeah, we do need lube. So I'm going to Browntown.

I almost want to like maybe tell Francis and Rowan to write. I need like an ode to those girls, the anal virgin girls, because everybody, everybody has one like that they knew or that they did. That was that was my the first time I realized that I was funny was something regarding this. Where it was, we were in a hockey locker room. I was a freshman and I'd been quiet forever. Oh, it took you a long time. Right. And it was funny in like third grade.

I was like, I've been one class clowns and shit like that. But I was like, oh shit, I got a room here. Yeah. Where it was, it was one kid was talking about, because I went to Catholic high school. Hanging on my every word in this locker room. One kid was like, he's like, yeah, I fucked Natalie the other night, but she's super Catholic, so I had to use. We didn't have any lube laying around, so I just grabbed some cologne. Oh, God.

That's not how it works at all. Very sheepishly in the corner I was like And she hasn't had a smelly fart since And everyone was like I was like I got this I got this Like Costanza

Hold on I'll see you guys tomorrow at practice I'm out of here Boy cologne is not even close to the right The right consistency Burn and shit I can't imagine Much more harm than good.

I feel like it's even a dry liquid. Anyway, yeah, the butt-fucking virgins. Shout out to you guys. Next up. Hey, so this has to be quick. I'm sitting in my car in the driveway.

So I'm going, I live in North Carolina. I'm going to a lake for labor day weekend and it's like a four-hour drive my husband's parents live about an hour an hour and a half away well they text me today and say that their favorite band is playing at this lake on sunday night and how they would love to join us. So basically, they just invited themselves on our fucking vacation. Me and my husband and a bunch of his friends going, how fucking weird is it for your in-laws to invite themselves to their child and their child's friend vacation it's fucking weird i mean it's aggressive but i feel like you this woman has no

no experience with in-laws at all in-laws are paying that's not that weird i don't think i have i have done this so it's very weird to me i i i mean yeah in-laws are often cramping your style and doing like planning events with you and shit they weren't going to the concert right the woman does not sound like yeah so it sounds like like they'll be they'll be around but they're not cramping your whole shit yeah so i feel like that's actually best case scenario like they're gonna be around but they're gonna go elsewhere i feel like plenty of other in-laws. They're going to be around, but they're going to go elsewhere. I feel like plenty of other in-laws would be like, I'm coming with you. Or like, we'll see you at the place.

I feel like to have this reaction, they must have kind of been like, so we're staying with you. Yeah. I mean, but like that shit can happen. I mean. Don't want that. Don't get married. Yeah. There's like a reason why, you know, every sitcom and every stand up you ever heard is like, oh, my fucking in-laws, because that's just real. It also sounded like she was kind of tagging along.

He was like, it's my husband and his friends. Right. I bet that there's going to be a call from like the husband. Yeah. So my fucking wife is coming along to this thing. Yeah. Sorry, girl. I don't know.

Can't you just say no to? I mean, I guess you can't. That's the point. As a me, it seems easy. You just be like, no, I got a lot of work. On the lake? Yes.

Yes. I am a fisherman. It's one of those things where it's like the... The blues are biting. I know. It's one of those like the uh you know the long-term ramifications you want to be hearing about it from like your mother-in-law for the next like 40 years the times that you said no to the lake you know you know you replied just reply oh that

sounds like so much fun here's the address we're staying where are you yeah or like even give them like like these like get do it again do excitedly too like just found this airbnb it's right by our place here you go yeah oh you're saying find them their spot i i would even say just be like uh like where are you staying like where we'll be on like smith street where are you gonna be right not at my spot take it a step further find them a spot take it even a further step if you got money to burn just be like I bought it for you

there you go put a dollar amount on how much you don't want your in-laws to be there like I'll pay another like grand for your place go whatever

Airbnb in North Carolina what's that gonna cost six bucks a night nothing send them those are for free hey what's up KFC and fights? So my roommate from college, we're still in college.

He went away for the summer for army basic training. And there was a couple of girls he was going after before he left for the army. And I told him that he needs to get their home addresses and he can be pen pals with them when he's down at basic training. And then when he comes back, they're going to be absolutely going after him. And he thought it was a ridiculous idea.

He's coming back soon. he didn't get any of their addresses and i was trying to convince him that this is a no-brainer it's an easy way but he thought i was crazy what do you guys think about this move i i thought this guy was going to try to steal his that's where i thought it was going, right? Get their home addresses. Yeah. Yeah, that's what they like. I don't want – I would not do this because I'm not going to sit there and write hand letters because I'll tell you something. I can't physically write anymore.

Oh, my God. It's outrageous. Like holding a pen and writing more than – like when I write the rundown topics on the card, I didn't – You have to ask me what they said. I couldn't read my own writing. Like I just scripted. Anything other than my name. Yeah.

And so if I had to write. Everything becomes a signature. You write the first letter and then scribble. If I had to write like emotions on a piece of paper, it ain't happening. But I do think it's a good idea. I do think chicks would like this. What year is he in though? That's the point though.

I think that it's like a throwback. Yeah. It's like some of the most romantic, you know, Florence Nightingale type of shit at the war and the fucking writing letters. People will like it, but they'll... He's just going to basic training, right? You're not even going to war, dude.

You're doing a lot of... You're going to Fort Bragg. You're doing a lot of training at Fort Bragg for like six weeks, man. You're running a couple miles singing songs and doing chin-ups. That's my extent extensive knowledge of basic training I've seen it in a few movies Thank you very much Day 45

I'm almost home my love It's been like six weeks man Relax I could see like a screenshot though Like this weirdo Asked for my home address to send me a letter This is your biggest fear by far Correct He talked about it on a rundown yesterday a screenshot though like this weirdo asked for my home address to send me a letter fact this is your biggest fear by far correct screenshot he talked about it on a rundown yesterday 45 000

retweets screenshots oh dude that's why i'm not on any social any dating social media because or any dating whatever they look who's looking for love right like it would be immediately like screenshotted and first of all just like the fact that I would say something bad because I have no game at all. It's remarkable. And I'm the same as you. You know what? Like, I don't even, like, a girl could fucking like me on Tinder, and that should be enough sign right there. Like, she finds you attractive.

Like, why is she liking an ugly guy? What's this about? Must have sneezed and swiped in the wrong direction. What's her angle? Yeah. I think every girl's trying to trick me. What are you getting at, bitch? I don't like this.

Hey, I think you're cute and funny. Shut the fuck up. What's your problem? Who's setting you? It's kind of the opposite. It's kind of the opposite of what we were saying. It's the downside of what we were saying the other day. I was talking about when I was at the Texans game,

and I was just fucking with people from Houston because they don't get sarcasm and shit like that. Like, I was just yelling, like, Texans will be good when JJ gets back. And they'd be like, oh, darling, bless your heart. Like, JJ's playing. I was like, I fucking, yeah, I know. But now I just assume everyone's being sarcastic.

So, like, people don't get my sarcasm, but I just assume they're being sarcastic. Yeah, no. Like, what's up, hot stuff? The idea of being genuine. Oh, yeah, I know. It was a bad picture. Fuck you.

You're right. I should have chosen was a bad picture. Fuck you. You're right. I should have chosen a better profile pic. My bad. Yo, but even if you have good game, good game out of context is bad game. Like, in the moment, you might have said something that really worked. But, you know, if you don't understand. Just that one line. Yeah, just that one line.

Or if you didn't understand that, like, the day before she had said this, that, the other thing. Game is a whole fucking thing. That like a whole relationship worth you can't you can't get it from just one screenshot of text so that's my fear is like listen i'm telling you she was soaking wet from that line i swear but in that moment were you lying did you you come? Glad I came. The screenshot, man, I respect that Snapchat did what they, you know, they tried. They tried their best to stop it from happening. I feel like, you know how, like, the whole world has nuclear weapons, but we just agree? Like, no one's crazy enough to do that.

We could just have, like, a fucking agreement. A treaty. Yeah, yeah. Screenshot treaty. Let's have like a, what do they call it? The Geneva fucking convention. We all agree nobody can screenshot anything. It's punishable by death. Apple's given us the keys.

You just got to send like voice notes. That's it. That's it. You can't screenshot a voice note. Yeah, it's like, what the fuck is this? This guy's making a track? I think I like screen recordings. Screen recording.

Play the voice notes. God damn it. Screen recording got you, man. I'm glad Wh you man i'm glad they're fast yeah i think about all this often the most paranoid man on the internet it's true tyler i am final voicemail brought to you by black buffalo i am just desperately hoping that feidelberg doesn't die of cancer. I want to make sure he doesn't get mouth cancer. And so what do I do? I push black buffalo on him. I always make sure it's at his desk. I always make sure it's in his pocket. Everywhere we go, hey, are you bringing your black buffalo with you? I don't want you to die from cancer because black buffalo is the solution for guys who dip. You want the taste, you want the flavor, you want the routine,

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Use the promo code SAVE25. S-A-V-E number 20. Save five, excuse me. S-A-V-E number five and get $5 off your next purchase at blackbuffalo.com. Hey, KFC, Fife, BC, got a quick hypothetical for you. I think this would be the solution that ends alcoholism.

What if you could snap your fingers and make this magical rule that the amount of alcohol you can drink directly equates to the amount of time you spent in the gym that day. So, for instance – What the fuck is this kid calling us for? In five minutes in the gym, you get one alcoholic beverage. What? If you want to go in like a bender and drink like 20 drinks, you got to spend like two and a half hours in the gym. Not sure if that math is right, but –

Didn't seem right. See what you guys think. He called the wrong number, right? Did he start off by saying our names because he our names? Well, no, but wait. I mean, I think it's actually, it fits because it's like, we love booze as much as we hate working out. Or maybe that applies just for me. I actually enjoy working out.

Yeah, that's so off-brand in a weird way. There's so many things I like doing I just don't do. Working out's one of them. I enjoy working out. That makes no sense to me. I can't even wrap my brain around that. You like that? Yeah, no, I hate that shit. I just don't do it. Working out is one of them. I enjoy working out. That makes no sense to me. I can't even wrap my brain around that. You like that? Yeah, no, I hate that shit.

The worst. But I do enjoy a good beverage. So, like, I don't know what I would do here. I mean, realistically, I'd have to just go sober. Why would I want to stop alcoholism? What's this kid getting at? Well, you know what? I see, like, every now and then we see an article like,

doctors have almost found the cure for hangovers. Can't have that. Hangovers are a natural balance. It's a check and balance that nature has put in place because otherwise the world will fall into complete anarchy. If you could just drink with no consequences, just wake up, do it again, wake up, do it again, and forever. That's what you do now, John

the hangovers are catching up to you the thing that keeps you from drinking all the time isn't hangovers it's just other responsibilities yeah, but you're you're not there yet you're getting there that would also mean you're not an alcoholic

if you're still valuing those other responsibilities you coward commit, bro commit to the alcohol I've never had a hangover an alcoholic if you're still valuing those other responsibilities. You coward. Commit, bro. Commit to the alcohol. I've never had a hangover. You're one of those guys? Really? But you drink? Yeah, often.

Yeah, I just... Do you know what a hangover is? Like, when people say this to me, I'm like, are you sure you know what it is? Like, you wake up and you have a headache and you're like Yeah, from movies I understand like somebody like bangs metal symbols together or something. You're very sensitive.

I don't get that. I'm not sensitive to sound. I'm not sensitive to light. I just have a fucking bang in it. I get wet brain. That's kind of how my hangovers are. Where it's just like I can't formulate thoughts that way. I go to sleep, I wake up and I'm fine. Fuck you.

My thing is my legs. I get my legs hurt the next day. I'm all dehydrated and shit. It feels like someone beat me. I'll get a cramp occasionally, a calf cramp. I just get a deep dull in my thighs. I'm just like chop my legs off. Just take them.

Just get rid of these fucking things. Yeah, man. I got to hydrate. It's a killer. It's like number three fucking things. Yeah, man. I got to hydrate. It's a killer. It's like number three behind car crashes and heart disease. I swear. Dehydration's coming for that ass. I think if I'm answering this question straight up, I think it would have to be no alcohol because I ain't going to the gym.

I'd do both. He said nothing about drugs. I don't know. I'm fine. Yeah. Yeah, no. No. Actually, when he said

I found the cure for alcoholism I thought he was gonna say drugs Yeah weird See you guys later It's actually It's actually The Wait I forgot what I was gonna say

Fuck You hungover now You You need your Omax The frequency I didn't drink at all last night I watched Sunny was on So when Sunny's on

I don't drink Omax cognitive boost dude Because Because No oh I got it And then that happens The frequency with which that's been happening to you. I didn't drink at all last night. I watched Sonny was on, so when Sonny's on, I don't drink. All max cognitive boost, dude, because... No, I got it, I got it. And then that happens. He comes back 30 seconds later. This would be a reason... I'd love this. It would be a reason for me to go to the gym, because the things that the gym provides now, they don't so much appeal to me. Like, the vanity in me, yes.

Like, looking hot naked sounds great. And living long, not so much. But being healthy, don't really care. The things that gym provides right now are like, eh, I could take it or leave it. If it's alcohol, I'll say, you know what? I will go to the gym for a hammer today. I don't care about the living long. What was the other one you said?

Looking hot naked? I mean, that's just a sales. That's not my business. Simple and plain. Honestly, it really isn't, though. That's not how I'm going to be impressing anybody, ever. Never has been, never will be. Correct.

I was about to say that ship has sailed. That ship never even existed. It didn't dock. That ship was a Titanic. That thing never got here. There was never even a boat. It was a gondoloon. It was a small That thing never got here There was never even a boat It was a small gondoloon And never even took sail

But the idea of waking up in the morning And feeling good It's just so foreign to me Like I got a couple friends Who are in like spectacular shape Like fucking I said to him, I was like, Matt, how often do you work out? He goes,

always. Constantly. He said he has a kettlebell under his desk at work and he's just sitting there constantly working out. How are you friends with this guy? Yeah, it's wild. You know me. I got the cross-country friends. I got weird friends, man. That's true. I said yesterday, I hate everybody who watches the Apple conference for all their

new gadgets. Like, all the closest people in my life fucking do that. Yeah, I was about to say. Yeah, you must. Both of them. Clem, these guys. Very excited about the iPhone XR. I have no problem with people being excited about the new Apple things. The people who watch the fucking PowerPoint, like, that's crazy to me.

Like, I got to tune in to Apple's conference. Somebody's got to watch them and tell you what's in them. I guess so. Can't it just be like, here's a new product. Like, I got to tune in to Apple's conference. Somebody's got to watch them and tell you what's in them. I guess so. I can't just be like, here's a new product. I don't need the whole. I mean, they treat that guy like he's a rock star. Tim Cook comes out and people are like passing out in the fucking aisles. It's crazy.

But the idea that, like, so Matt wakes up in the morning and he's like, I feel great. Let's go. Like, another day. I mean, I wake up. I've never done that. And it's not even I feel great. Let's go. Like another day. I mean, I wake up. I've never done that. And it's not even an adult thing. It's not even the way I treat my body now.

I was in second grade and decided I don't go to school on Mondays. Because it was just too hard. That morning was getting out of bed sucks. Life as a six-year-old is just fucking brutal. I'm passing on this. He said the other day he woke up and was like, I'm so hungover. Oh, wait. I didn't even drink last night.

No, I'm good. That's just how I feel at all times. Muscle memory. Yeah. I just always feel terrible. I would love that, the idea of waking up and just being like, good to go. I don't know that I would. Never.

You don't want to feel good. I don't know. You really are a self-loathing son of a bitch. I did it for a while, like eating right and drinking water and no drugs and all that. And I was like, I'm more alert to how trash everything is. I'm up much earlier with a lot more energy to think about how absolutely terrible everything is. Yeah, if you think about it, all it allows you to do is consume more life. Yeah.

And I am all set on life. I'm good. I've had my fill. We're all set. We are running up the score and I don't like it at all. We don't have any more voicemails, but I have a conspiracy theory question. Oh yeah? Have you done anything with the

psychics in Manhattan? Because there are psychics all over the place. And I've never seen a single person walk in. I can't imagine that they could possibly charge enough. They're paying Manhattan rent. There's on the corner of 27th and Madison.

There's got to be a thousand square foot retail spot. Chakra Healing. Is it purple? Yeah, it's got a neon purple sign outside. What is that? They're in the mattress. Are they trafficking drugs? Is this like humans, trafficking humans?

I don't know what's going on. In like, like Newport. Newport, Rhode Island has two psychics on Thame Street. Like, that's very high rent area. Psychic, yeah. Yeah. I know it. The psychic district, we know.

What like popular culture showed me is that like weirdly successful people like to talk to them. So they might be just like robbing them. And it's also like idiots like pardon my take, the ones who go there. So I need to dig into it. But it's also like they're still psychics. They might see me coming. I mean, honestly, the natural explanation here would just be that they are psychics. Like, how could this possibly be?

Well, they're magical. Yeah. That's almost more of a logical explanation. It convinces you that you're like, maybe these maybe something to this. Maybe psychics is real because how could they afford 27th and Magic? Yeah. The original psychics got like rent control for like 500 years. They're paying $25 a month.

No, they're in the stock market. Yeah, I was going to say, they're just using their psychic abilities to make money elsewhere so that I can pay for my bomb ass fucking psychic store. I'm giving you this for $10. I'll read your palm. I'll tell you your future. Imagine if you were actually a psychic and you were just like, I can tell you the future. Clearly, because I can afford this rent.

Like, I'm obviously a genius. That would be my pitch. I'd put out a sign being like, the only way I can. I'll say, fuck, you think I'm here. We had psychics at my high school graduation party, which, as I mentioned, was at Shit Show. That's how this thing worked.

My mom caught the same girl having sex with three different guys in different locations. Just walking around the party, like, oh, the living room. My mom. In the conservatory with the lead three different guys in different locations. And, uh, walking around the party, like a living room, my mom in the conservatory with the lead pipe. My mom knew that we're going to be drinking alcohol at it, but God bless her heart that she thought we're going to be doing like responsibly or something.

So she tried to plan more of a party. So it was, it was like a, uh, we had like a bouncy castle and we had psychics. You, you legit about, yeah,

we have bouncy castle, psychics. We had, there was one other thing. Was it on the fucking aircraft carrier or whatever? Huh? You had your eighth year old birthday party on a fucking battleship or something? No, this was at my house.

So it ended up just being a bunch of drunk 17-year-olds going to see psychics and jumping in bouncy houses. It was a fucking disaster. Yo, that sounds like a bomb ass party. That's like some Project X shit. Yo, I do not fuck with psychics. I was the only one who didn't go in. The only one in my entire graduating class. I mean, because, like, what if

it's true? What if it's real? And they say some shit that, like, you really don't want to hear. She tells me I'm going to live to 95 and I just choke her. I just come across the desk. Flip the cards again! Read them again, Janice. What would you want to know

from a psychic? Nothing. Again, stocks. Let's remove money. Again, let's be very clear about this, people who are listening. Don't ever fucking tweet me about something about money. It's not applicable. The entertainment value of that.

John's doing the thumb with the index finger together, the Bob Dole. Yeah, it's not funny to fucking just say you'd use all of our magic voicemail tricks for money. Is there anything a psychic could tell you, and we assume it's true, that you would really want to know about your future? Like, would you want to know, John, about, like, if you're going to find love? No. Excuse me. I was going to say something, but I could just go to a doctor and find out. Like, have electronics and laptops just made me completely fertile.

Oh, yeah. Or infertile. Infertile? Yeah, we – Or more fertile. Yeah, I'm just saying. Yeah. Electric term. We're going to start fucking having mutants.

Like Hitchcock. Just fucking blasting them. Hitchcock reference. That was incredible. That movie stunk. A movie I've've seen no movie i've seen many times yeah fx movies always on it's always so i will smith rich he's like you're gonna play hitchcock 5 000 times a day that's just the hitchcock channel that's it that's it i whenever i'm like home and like looking for something but I did just last night. I watched Everest. I go to the channel's guide.

I go to FX movies, see what they got in there. Everest is classic. Anything Jason Clarke. Jason Clarke's the fucking best, man. I don't even know who that is. Yeah, you do. I know. Yeah.

He's one of those guys. You Google him, you know who he is. I'll show him. Jason Clarke. He's in everything. Would you want to know career shit from a psychic? Nope. Do I want to see how this place falls apart?

Well, yeah. I think I would like that. I think I would like to know because I've got some doubts these days. Oh, yeah, Jason Clarke. He looks like, I know a guy who looks exactly like him. He kind of looks like he could be a Feidelberg. He looks like he might be in your family. Okay.

He's Australian, I believe. Is he? Yeah. Every fucking actor is Australian or British. Everybody's got an accent. Every single one of them. Or gay. When you find out that someone has an accent or they're gay, or I think one of them is both.

Schofield from, Michael Schofield, the guy from Prison Break. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he's got an accent and he's gay. Yeah. Pretty good. I actually agree why that is because if you're an actor in England or Australia you have to learn to get a global market you have to learn an American accent and

Americans are just like fuck it I don't give a shit. That's why no Americans can do British accents on a large scale like that. They can't even do like within American southern accents or like northeast accents. Boston accents people lose their fucking minds every time. Boston people are a pain in the ass. But also Hollywood hasn't even gotten close.

That's my issue with it. All right, rear admiral. Calm down. I'm saying, like, they just haven't gotten close. I would prefer, like, in The Departed, that chick. She, like, just loses it. And I prefer that. Just don't hear fucking Jack.

Jack was like, no, I'm Jack. Like, I'm not going to talk like these assholes. I appreciated that. Fucking people from Damon. Damon's awful in that. He's fucking from there. Yeah, what was that? How did he fuck that up?

He's a fucking firefighter. He's a fucking pussy from a tree. Like, what are you talking about, dude? No one talks like this. Typical Dorchester. Like looking in a mirror. Wow. Firefighters are faggots.

Thanks, Damon. What are you talking about, dude? What? I love having Mick Stavon. I love having Guy Collier on because someone might say faggot and it's not me. If you get a KSCO. Can't have a boss accent without a Kevin. That's what Hollywood tells you.

It's a true story. It's like, well, all right. Let me get the script. How many times do I have to say faggot in this movie? Yeah, no, but with the psychic, the Balboa stool, I would like to see how this place crashes and burns. I want to know the exact downfall. Nah, I want to live it.

I want to be fucking, I want to be Nero. I'll tell you the downfall. I was saying faggot five times in the last 60 seconds. It was a movie quote. I want to be here for the downfall, and I want to be Nero. I want to be just sitting up there. Just watch the place burn. Not violin, I was playing the viola.

No. You were playing the harp. No, it wasn't the harp either. Fiddle? Fiddle. Fiddle, that's what it was. That's it. That's why we pay you the big bucks.

I think the one thing I want to know is like, if I meet a woman, when do I have a chance with you? If I meet a dude, can I rob you? Those are like the two. Just thinking ahead. I left my knife at home. Thank you. Yeah, just in case.

Oh, well, you know what? We were talking about this the other day because I was just thinking, you know, you roll up on someone and you can maybe see like right away, like, yes or no, I could rob you. Yes or no. It's like, just goes off. If you could see. So this, I'll tell the backstory. There was a blog on the site the other day.

Riggs wrote it. Jason Maxfield, the former Bearcat. He played pro ball? Piston, right? And there was some video of him in couples therapy with his wife. And he had cheated. She thought that he cheated with

eight women. And he cheated with 341. Close. Both are numbers. Actually, if you add 3, 4, 1, it's 8. So there you go. How about that? So they're basically the numbers. Actually, if you add three, four, one, it's eight. So there you go. How about that?

So they're basically the same. I mean, so it was actually, it was not funny because it was like watching this poor woman and this couple deteriorate, but she was like so upset with eight and the doctor, the snitch motherfucker, she was like, it's more than 50. And the woman. What happened to patient Dr. Convict? That's a violation right there. But even that is

like, yes, it's much more than 50. It's 290 more than 50. The fact that he knew 341. That's crazy. I have no idea what my numbers are. Again, it's not because of like fucking Will Chamberlain number. Just like,

I fucking stopped counting when I turned 20, just cause it's like, you know, I'm an adult. I don't need to keep, you always say this, but you had to have fucked enough that you really lost count. I don't think so.

I think I lost count around seven. I'm not a numbers guy. Seven whole women? Seven of them? and that's not even counting the girls you fucked in the ass because they're virgins? God didn't see those what's going on over there?

everything's fine I just spilled some cologne the discussion became because we were saying how do you know the exact number and all that shit if you could black mirror type style and we're good. The discussion became, because we were saying, how do you know this exact number and all that shit? If you could black mirror type style, let's say you had a little program in your eye

and everybody you see, you could know their number. Would you want that ability? Absolutely not. No, I would give a fuck. A hard yes. I was thinking for like a draft. If I was trying to draft a quarterback and he had like a zero or a one, yeah i was thinking for like a draft if i was trying

to draft a quarterback and he had like a zero or one like that guy's off my board no bitches like yeah my quarterback needs to be a certain height certain arm strength and you had to at least be triple divages with your check that's what i'm saying otherwise you ain't shit yeah so there's other there's there's other uses to it. I was also thinking you could run a business. That's pretty much a horrible violation of guy code, but if every girl out there, you could get the honest

you know, tell how many girls has this guy been with, you could charge those girls a billion dollars. Oh, you went to money, huh? Huh? You went to money, huh? No, well, yes, but it's more about the business side of it. I think you fold it into all the pre-wedding shit that happens, and, like, both of them come to you, and it's like,

all right, this is your official number, this is your official number, and then they can come back if one of them suspects of cheating, and then you can charge the guy, like, how bad do you not want to get caught? So you're making money on both ends here. And then we were saying you could almost be like, here's your number. How much is it worth for me to tell her that this is your number? You know what I mean? You'd be a real asshole.

I get that that's valuable to other people. To me, I don't care. It's not my business. I don't give a shit. Well, somebody saw your number, like just see it over your head like the Sims, and you're just ashamed. Yeah, you're walking around just like. John, I got seven bitches.

Pooing and spitting in your general direction. I thought you were going another way with that, with the therapy. I thought you were going to say like, would you want to see other people's therapy to see like if they're talking about you and stuff like that? Would you want that? Would you want to be able to see? I don't want to see what anyone really thinks about me. I want to see people abiding by societal norms and just being generally polite to me.

That's all I can say. Yeah, I mean, we— I mean, that kind of exists for us, like, on the internet with, like, comment sections and— He's saying the opposite. He's saying we get it straight. Okay. He's not saying people are nice to us. I don't know what comment section you're talking about.

You can go find out what people really think about you They'll bring it to you I don't for a reason I don't want to fucking know I tell you every day Every single day I was just telling the story before So there was this Mets fan at a game

She was recovering from cancer Long story short, we were doing some fundraising And people were, again, every time we do fundraising people accuses of stealing the money and some like uh smaller blog uh i'll give him a shout out branded sports it's like you want to be barstool anyway he was writing this article being like uh this is such a good thing that barstool is doing and then at the very end of it he wrote this long nice article he goes now listen i get it kfc is not the most beloved guy and he did something that's horrible and no one will ever trust him or look at him the same ever again having said damn dude i was like how about a little bit of uh sugar coating it just a little just a speck of

sugar on it if you are not sugar coating things for dave does this all the time dave says i am the same person with the cameras on, when the cameras off. I said, I know, motherfucker. And that's why you're terrible. Because you can't just constantly give people the truth. You can't just constantly treat everyone the same, because then you're a dickhead.

I'm a straight shooter. Yeah, I kind of wish you weren't. Yeah, yeah. Miss me. Miss me with that truth bullshit. To me, if you're not changing the way you behave based on social circumstances, if you're not white lying,

if you're not polite, this is street manners. Almost all being polite is just a lie. Yes. Almost all. How do I look? Great. How are you doing today? I'm doing fine. Don't tell me the truth. I could sit you down and tell you how How do I look? Great. How are you doing today? I'm doing fine. Yeah.

Don't tell me the truth. I could sit you down and tell you how the fuck I'm doing today. I'm going to say fine. I'm going to be polite. I'm fine. That's it. I'll kill myself. I'm quiet.

Make it your problem. Keep it mom. All right, boys. Another fantastic appearance. Follow him on Twitter at TylerIM, at ColeyMick, at Mixtape. The new episodes will be out. You can download them

on iTunes. The top 50, you both put everything together, right? You can get the official Mixtape top 50s out now. Three total Knicks.

Who was the highest, Nick? Ewing. Thank you. I just wanted to make sure. No, he was ahead of Mello too. Yeah. Was it close? They were both in the 30s.

41 to 40. Nah. It was a little distance. So, yeah, go check them out. Soak in the mixtape world, and we'll catch you guys next time for another edition of KC Radio.