KFC Radio - KFCradio: Jawn Feitelberg, the VMAs After Party, and the Torrent Police

Episode Date: August 23, 2018

John rocked a shirt to the VMAs afterparty that even had Katie Nolan talking about it. KFC and Feits operate in different timezones. Madison Beer is quite attractive.Voicemails include: twin Beckys and the office toenail clipper, getting subpoena'd for watching movies online, WYR: never laugh or always laugh, WYR: forehead covered in hair or no eyebrowsEpisode presented by:Fanduel fanduel.com/kfcBlack Buffalo blackbuffalo.com promo code KFC25Liquid IV liquidIV.com promo code KFCOmaha Steaks BetDSI betsdsi.com promo code KFC25You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio, your boy KFC back on the advertisements. I know that the world is enamored with Johnny promo codes. There might be more in the future. There might be some ad reads from Feidelberg in the future. Because the kid didn't know he had it in him. I really didn't.

He really did. I get so nervous with stuff like that. You're such a pussy. I am. I really am. It's crazy. You're afraid to fucking read this piece of paper. Yeah.

Well, it's not a lot of reading. A lot of improvisation. It is. If you're doing well. Yeah. If you're doing well. And it's tough. You know, you can read it.

You can just read off the paper and be boring as shit, but we want to be entertaining here on this podcast. You know, you can read it. You can just read off the paper and be boring as shit, but we want to be entertaining here on this podcast. You got to improv. You got to improv when you're doing your FanDuel, this football season. It's back for football. They are doing a $250,000 free survivor contest. So get your improvisation on there.

Just pick a team on the fly once a week. Tommy Smokes, his theory is that you pick the best teams first. You don't try to save anybody. Oh, I'm going to save the Packers. Aaron Rodgers gets hurt. Now you just have another shitty team in the mix. I think somewhere in between. I don't think you should take the Patriots week one.

I would not take the Patriots week one. But I can understand the notion of it's like using your best reliever. Put somebody in before it's too late. Put Andrew Miller in the eighth. Who cares? Right. So however you want to do it, it doesn't matter because it's free. And then you get $250,000 if you win.

Week one, there's a $9 entry for a $1 million first prize. They do the gridiron pick'em, which is free, with $10,000 split amongst the top pickers. You can start your own leagues. You play public leagues. You start your own leagues with your friends. You can do it all. They made more ways to win, more ways to pick your teams. They have gurus to help you pick your squads. They got it all. Beat the score. All you got to do is hit a certain score and you get money.

They are giving away cash once again for the football season. So go to fanduel.com slash KFC. You'll get a $20 bonus when you make your first deposit. Go to fanduel.com slash KFC. Speaking of Andrew Miller, by the way, fuck Cleveland. I'm so sorry. Yeah, you're getting bodied by Cleveland right now. I mean, we're getting bodied.

We got beat two games in a row. No, no, no, no. You. Yeah. You are getting bodied. It's so stupid. That tweet is clearly not about Cleveland. Well, well.

They could have been playing the A's. They could have been playing the Astros. They could have been playing fucking anybody. Keep your name off their lips, bro. It doesn't matter who they're playing. The Red Sox don't have to prove they're the real deal. They're like on their, I'm not sure where the pace is now, but like 114 win team. You don't have to prove you're the fucking real deal.

They're not even going to break the record anymore, bro. I'm sick of hearing about the Red Sox. Okay, bro. Like, oh, can the Red Sox prove it? It was all about Nesson. It was nothing about fucking Cleveland. Cleveland, fuck my dick. You're playing Cleveland.

You sent a tweet belittling them. I sent a tweet. I did not. It wasn't belittling them. It was belittling Nesson. It was very clearly belittling Nesson. It was very clearly belittling six feet under. That's how dumb people

in Cleveland are. I can't even read it. Zip it up. Fucking stupid. Zip up the Midwest is so goddamn dumb. I can't even read tweets and understand who

the fucking point of attack I'm going to. I was attacking. I'm going to event plan for your dead body right now. Cleveland, keep doing your thing. Cleveland's Johnny. But you feel stupid. No, I doing your thing. Johnny fucking Red Sox. No, I don't feel stupid.

The Red Sox are still not trying to prove they're the real deal. They're the best team in baseball. You're so dumb. You're dumb. You are the one who is dumb. Feidelberg. I'm sitting here next to high society, high profile Feidelberg going to after party award show after parties, late night parties.

Oh, man, I was all late. I mean, I didn't really drink that much, actually, but I was out there because I didn't have whiskey. Yeah, I mean, this is what is going to happen. You rub elbows. You're not drinking brown liquor. They got to drink clear liquor to watch their calories. I had Hennessy, which I've never had. And I almost got it that night, but I just did.

I was just doing tequila on the rocks instead. Listen, when you go to these swanky events, you've got to roll with the punch. You've got to get that rich white lady stuff. That's what I'm saying. That clear liquor. Yeah. You can't expect to be like, let me get some Jameson. Like, no, man.

We're fucking fancy. I wasn't asking for Jameson. Any kind of whiskey would have sufficed. It didn't matter what it was. You were at the VMA after party along with Logan. We were all invited. I pretended like I was going to come. No shot.

No shot. No shot. An 11.30 kickoff? Unless we're talking 11.30 a.m. brunch. It ain't happening for your boy. Which is where I don't usually make those. Right. This is where me and you live on different time zones.

It's almost like you live in like Japan and I live over here. Japan's great, man. America's not. Like I'll, it's honestly like when you're, if you're hanging out with someone, if you're talking to someone who's like literally in a different time zone where it's like, I'll text you

and I'm like, all right, he's not going to get that for like four to five hours. And then if I'll wake up to text from you, you know, it's just, that is true. That's how it used to go. And I was like, all right, he's not going to get that for like four to five hours. And then if I'll wake up to text from you, you know, it's just. That is true. That's how it used to go. And I was like, whenever I'm in L.A. or when I'm talking to someone who lives in L.A. Yeah. And the sex game is just off.

Yeah. And you like wake up in the morning. You're like, oh, no. Like just responding to that. Yeah. Oh, I shouldn't have sent that out on this. Or sometimes you'll wake up and you go from 4 a.m. from them. And you're like, I'm not ready for this. It's 8 a.m. Yeah. I'm't have sent that. I'm out on this. Or sometimes you'll wake up from 4 a.m. from them, and you're like, I'm not ready for this.

It's 8 a.m. Yeah, I'm still wiping my eyes. I can't be rubbing my dick. I can't just start sexting right now. Yeah, sexting very much needs to be in the moment, because once that's gone, it's fleeting. And once it's gone, you have that sender's remorse, where you're like, ooh, did I really say gape?

Yeah. Ooh. Did I, like, is that did I really say gape? Yeah. Did I like... Is that a picture of my undercarriage? What did I do here? That was a miss. Oops. I wish I could have that one back.

And then you get They do respond But it's something very specific It's like You get some sort of response But it's like You were not in the mood for it You needed to be hot and heavy to look at that

Good morning to you too And you're like ah fuck me I was on one There almost needs to be like some sort of self-destruct where it's like if you know there needs to be like a sexting app like i guess this is kind of what snapchat is but you get like a like a period of time where it's like if it's not read within like the hour it's gone yeah i get the option to right right i'd do that if sex if you could have a sexting 10 minutes yeah i don't have a response in 10 minutes back i mean. I'd do that. If you could have a sex thing, 10 minutes. Yeah.

If I don't have a response in 10 minutes, back. Back. I mean, if we're being serious, it might have to be a couple minutes. Like, it might have to be pretty fucking quick. I'll give you 10 minutes. I'll sit there, and I'll keep checking my phone. It's not working. AT&T must be down right now.

Exactly. She's probably in the shower right now. She's probably driving. She doesn't look at her phone when she drives. But I forget where I was. Yeah, so we're on the VMAs. and logan went to the vma party and uh i wake up in the morning i check my instagram and i see this fucking picture johnny johnny johnny hats and uh medium producer logan standing in front of a step and repeat first First of all, with the fucking ice grill on, nobody even considering smiling.

These two guys are like, we're fucking cool now. We took a smiling picture. We were there kind of before the stars were. We took our picture, which first of all was very funny because they had a bunch of paparazzi there. New York

photographers and shit like that. We take our picture and they snap them them too they're taking pictures of us and then we kind of stand off the side like we're on the step and repeat and um we noticed the stars start coming in and first of all they it was weird it wasn't there wasn't like a vip or like the whole party was vip right like me and uh not zane uh liam liam pain we're just standing shoulder to shoulder for like 10 minutes like it's like that's where we stand like we've never interacted bro how come you didn't like get down with him we could be getting those one direction downloads right now fuck you get the cosign from liam pain or whatever it is you get

like a million pre-teen girls coming your way bro yeah we'd be at the top i was like i was i was intimidated fuck people who think they're not intimidated by celebrities you are man i was sitting in one direction but you know what he was probably in there logan was trying to get me to go into sean mendez's like corner it wasn't like a vip area but it was just like that was his corner and he's like come on you gotta get a picture like dude i'm not going to fucking storm sean mendez's castle and be like, let me get a pic. Shawn Mendes probably would have loved it if you know what I mean. That dude is so gay.

If he doesn't come out in the next year, I'll kill myself. I guarantee Shawn Mendes will be coming out soon. Okay. And so he probably would have been like, come on over. Come on. You want a drink?

Hey, I just said it on my lap. Well, that's what I was going to say, man. You were dressed the part. Oh, everyone was looking at me. Yeah, that's where... Yeah, that... They were probably like... Logan even You were dressed the part Oh everyone was like looking at me Yeah that's what They were probably Logan even noted it He's like people keep looking

I'm like yeah You were dressed like a Fucking god damn Halloween You were wearing a No I mean I looked totally normal People were wearing ridiculous There was one girl What's her name?

Olivia O'Brien Olivia O'Brien Was just in pajamas Just in a shiny pajama suit Her and her friend matching pajamas. I know. I don't hate that move. Yeah, it was crazy.

We're going to be at parties one day with gravity blankets. It was pajamas with a halter top underneath it. Yeah, right there. I mean, love that move. And she was killing it. That's pajama. As you can see, right, in the picture Logan's showing, she's got a Getty Images tag on there from the paparazzi.

Yeah. Right, because they were asking all the stars when they're done. You done you come up and you say your name into like a microphone attached to the camera did not get asked that did not get asked that they were like we were just checking our film make sure the flash is working you guys were the the trial run here's the thing you you were wearing like a a native american aztec poncho jacket thing yep Yep. You had your hat on. Yep. You had some skinny jeans on and you had what a pair like wheat Air Max is on or some shit. No, it was the not flying it. Like the fucking weave and woven.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you look like a goddamn Native American. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, I was culturally appropriate. It's like a mother. Johnny. I got a feather over here. Like, I got a text from Katie Nolan in the morning. She goes,

she goes, okay, serious question. Are you just an Instagram thought now? Valid question. And the answer is yes. And I was like, what do you mean?

She's like, like, explain your current style to me. And I was like, my current style is still very much jeans and t-shirts. But when you want to get down for the ball.

Yeah, man, when I'm going to VMA after party, I'm a fucking, a flex a little bit i'm gonna fucking jazz it up i'm not going to the vma after parties and jeans and t-shirt one day we're gonna have to do like a couple events where where i have to wear shit from your wardrobe hell yeah and just see how ridiculous it looks when it's not on so it's so weird that's it's fashion and style and all that shit are is so weird because for the most part we're identical like on the grand scheme of things yeah you're a little bit bigger than me

little faces a little different whatever we're the same guy you know yeah but if i were to wear those clothes i would look like a goddamn asshole and i mean you do kind of look like you know i don't know i'm smirking because i'm like you don't acknowledge that you look like a little bit of an asshole of course Of course I do. Right. But in that picture, I look fire. Right. But if I were walking down the street, like on my way to that party, people would be like, who the fuck is that? You fit into the right spot.

You're on a rooftop bar, you know, whatever. But if I were to wear that anywhere, I would look like a goddamn asshole. Yeah, for sure. So we'll do that one day. We'll do a little Freaky Friday, like wife swap sort of thing. But yeah, you guys were in the step and repeat. Dressed ridiculous. Slim and Baby were there. Yeah.

Yeah, Birdman flying any weather. It was Slim, I'll tell you what. I don't, I'm just observing. A lot of sniffing going on for Slim. First of all, he looks 170. Looks super goddamn old. And he's walking up miles on him. I, he looks 170. Looks super goddamn old. And he's walking miles on him.

Yeah. I'm sure there was... You have to exhale. You're inhaling carbon dioxide. Too much right now. You're going to be full of oxygen.

You're going to OD on oxygen if you don't fucking exhale, man. I think people were probably looking at you being like, oh, that must be

like a big time producer. Someone who's like not on camera. That's what everyone looked at everyone there though yeah because everyone there was kind of somebody yeah but like the only superstars there were uh i know i was asking fat girls names i forget her name olivia o'brien olivia o'brien sean mendez uh liam payne slim and bear Slim and Birdman, Madison Beer. Madison Beer, we were, Logan and I were looking at her, and we're just like, who the fuck is that?

There were tons of beautiful people there. That's one that. Who the fuck is that girl right there? That's one I've been waiting a few years to talk about until it was okay. Because that was a girl I remember being like, oh, my God, this is the next big thing. She's 15. Okay, oh, never mind, never mind. I was joking. I remember being like, oh my God, this is the next big thing. She's 15. Okay, oh, never mind.

Never mind. I was joking. I was just joking. She's 20 now, and she was like, I don't know how she got into the bar. There's a reason why Justin Bieber, it stood out to Justin Bieber. Yeah, yeah.

Because she looks like that. She was stunning. But everyone there was crazy attractive. It was fucking uncomfortable. The dude we showed, when we first showed up, this dude outside was outrageously dressed. Like, short, short shorts shorts tie-dyed with a like a kind of a scoop neck uh tie-dye shirt and then like louis vuitton like tuck slippers

and tattoos everywhere but his face neck down covered sleeves covered legs covered dude and i was i rolled and he looked and he looked just like dante the don right and i rolled in i was like so it's this kind of fucking party. Right. Like, oh, man. And when we got in the elevator, the dude who was, I guess, one of the promoters of the event told the guy running the elevator, like, yo, check their stamps again. You guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He came down to get two smokes. You know why? Because we're normal. And there is an air of normalcy with normal people. That's where you have to go with... If you went into that party and it was like, catch me if you can, if you're playing like Leo and you just pretend the part,

you'll end up in page six. They'll write about you. If you were like, there was this guy who no one knew who was on top of the bar fucking handing out shots. If you just played the part of like, yeah, I'm famous and I'm going to run this party because I always do. I feel like you would just become a famous person. Yeah, because everyone there was just staring and everyone trying to figure out who the other person is.

Right. And yeah, they could probably just tell like, oh, those are normals. Those are normals. You guys are just standing there like, you know, drinking a beer or whatever. One other thing I told Logan, Logan went to the bathroom and he came back to me and I didn't have my phone out. And he was talking about how I acknowledge that. I didn't take my phone out on purpose because famous people aren't like, yeah, I make my living on social media. What are my followers saying right now? I just stand there chilling.

Yeah, I'm good. I'm fine. That's probably like that. They're probably like, that looks like a guy who's keeping his phone is fucking on purpose. You probably smell that. Right. Not with that hat on, man. Get the fuck out of here.

The hat does buy you a little more rope. I'll give you that much. But I'm telling you of my eye. Yeah, right. Not with that hat on, man. Get the fuck out of here. The hat does buy you a little more rope. I'll give you that much. But I'm telling you, famous is a state of mind. It's that not give a fuck like performance that you put on.

It's, they can, they can tell. Oh, you know who else was there? Mr. Wives, who's a band I hadn't heard of and I've been listening to them nonstop since.

We like talked to them for a while. Yeah, they're awesome. Those Irish guys, right? No, no, no. What's the Irish band? Big Picture. Big Picture, yeah.

They have a song about hands. But no, Mr. Wives, they're not an Irish band. I think they're kind of local, maybe. Yeah, they're a US band. Yeah, but they were dope, and I've been listening to their music since then. They're very good. All right, well, you're almost famous now. Machine is a banger.

That's the first of many, John. That's going to be the first of all of our red carpets and after parties and all sorts of shit like that. Soon enough, we'll be the guest of honor. Tell you what, you keep reading those fucking ads like that, bud. We'll be fucking famous by the end of the year. Let's get to our voicemails. They're brought to you by Black Buffalo.

Yeah, buddy. Yeah, boy fights has been chewing on the Black Buffalo. Too many Black Buffalos now. No such thing. Your boy fights has been chewing on the Black Buffalo. Too many Black Buffaloes now. No such thing. It doesn't matter. You don't have the tobacco, you're good to go.

I get it. I do it so much so they know, so they just keep sending them to me, and I don't do it as much as they think. I do it a lot, but it's just like, here's 50 more cans, and then next week,

here's 50 more cans. I'm like, yo, I'm not a can a day guy. 50 cans in a week is not exactly reasonable. But listen, it doesn't matter. You can do 50, you can do 100, you can do 1,000. It's just the nicotine, none of the tobacco, all the good, none of the bad. You get all the flavors. You get all the spit.

You get all the texture. You get all of the routine. And none of the bad stuff. There needs to be more of that in life. I was thinking about this. My dad said the other day that scientists are really on the verge of fixing hangovers. I don't think you can have that. I've always said that.

I think the world will descend into anarchy. There's just nothing stopping you from drinking. Speaking of that, I woke up this morning and I was like, fuck, I'm still pretty drunk. And then I went, wait, this morning? What did you do last night? Wait, no, I didn't have a single drink last night. I used to do that in college. I'd wake up and be like, fuck, I'm hungover. No, wait, no, I'm not. I didn't have a single drink last night. I used to do that in college. I'd wake up and be like, fuck, I'm hungover.

No, wait, I stayed in last night. I didn't even have any drinks watching TV last night. It's just naturally feeling like shit. My body just expects it. Like, ah, fuck, I feel like, wait, no. No, I feel fantastic. I had a weighted blanket. I slept like a baby.

I slept from like 10 p.m. to 8 a.m. I slept all day. Yo. Unbelievable. That's, uh. Woke up, baby. I slept from like 10 p.m. to 8 a.m. I slept all day. Yo. Unbelievable. Woke up, first thing I did though, that buffalo. I mean, like I said, you can do it all day long. There's no bad side effects. I do it in bed.

It's the first thing I do in the morning. I do it in bed. I watch an episode of I'm doing 30 Rock now. I basically just switch between 30 Rock, The Office, and Always Sunny. So I'm on 30 Rock now, and I just watch two episodes of 30 Rock and then head to dip and think on the shower. I mean, that's the routine. Get involved with it.

Get your Black Buffalo. Go to blackbuffalo.com. Use the promo code. Promo code KFC25. You get 25% off your next order. Be like Fights. Like Fights. If I could be like Fights.

Yeah, that works. at that maybe we'll make a song like that like i'm gonna lie the name is failing upwards in response to my outfit that you are kind of hedging on saying awesome uh failing upwards is like john feidelberg jwn god it's gdmf John Feidelberg. Great nickname. Great nickname. All right, voicemail time. What do we got? Hi, guys.

Sorry, I'm in my car, so it probably sounds like a spaceship again. I just called because I see you guys have been getting a lot of heat for buying movies on demand, and I just want to say that buying movies on demand is the only thing I will be doing for the rest of my fucking life. I got so much shit and I had to buy an Apple TV jailbroken because everybody's like, why are you paying for movies? Idiot. Fucking pussy. Blah, blah, blah. So I buy this Apple TV jailbroken.

I get it. We watch the movies. We turned on this particular movie, The Hitman's Bodyguard. It was actually the worst movie I've ever seen in my life. It's a fantastic film. And we ended up turning it off after 10 minutes. I get all these letters with subpoenas from lawyers. I have to pay

$5,000 or else I have to go to court. All this fucking shit. I had to call a lawyer and pay like $3,000 for watching 10 minutes of a pirated movie. Granted, I think I'm stupid and I was supposed to download something to redirect my IP address, but I just wanted to know what would you guys have done in this situation and i just wanted to stand with you guys on buying movies on on demand i'm so

basically we waited out and out of like shout out to our girl jill this is thank you so much like i if you come at me one more time to tell me to torrent something you work on the internet you still pay for movies yeah bitch i'm not poor yo if like i get i can i get it if i was in college maybe i'd try and steal movies i can afford 4.99 twice even what she said like if i have to download some sort of like ghost program to redirect my ip address i'm out I'm fucking out. I'd rather be. If you told me that it was $4,

$5. Right. If you told me that it was like, yo, if you just click this button instead of that button, you can warrant them for free. I'd be like, okay,

fine. If it takes any amount of effort beyond that, I don't buy that. Some back alley out of a truck. No, thanks. Then I got to download a thing to redirect my IP address like a fucking villain in a movie. Kind of fucking. I'm'm trying to track him but he's bouncing all over

the world fuck that so you could watch fucking hitman's bodyguard which is on the on demand right now for 4.99 right it's probably cheaper than 4.99 at this point i'm all set on that and uh and then the horror story of you hear about these every now and then someone getting like fucking sued for it it was now granted by high school one of the kids got in trouble for napster he's like one of like they chose like a thousand kids to make an example right yeah he was one of them but you like go to jail for that shit right he got like super super fine yeah a hundred thousand dollars something like that like i mean crazy amount of money now the answer is if you this happens to me i'm that's it i'm on the run like i'm not paying i'm not hiring a lawyer i'm not

paying a fucking dime i'm not gonna lose thousands of dollars over the hitman's bodyguard i mean i i i thought i think this this seems primo for a scam oh you think like you find a girl it would be a girl would be the target you know it's like jill this is the u.s government we're coming for you the guy who sent who sold her the app. Yeah, it's like, I know you bought this, or I know you downloaded it from me. I'm going to shake you down, scare you for, hey, this is going to cost you $10,

but if you give me $2 right now, it'll all go away. So I think it's probably a scam. I didn't even think about that. I mean, if she's hired a lawyer, though, the lawyer would know if it's a scam. She said she's hired a lawyer. Yeah, she actually i saw her talk about this she said that there was like papers filed so like i guess it's legitimate

somewhere because the lawyer was like you know there's like a i mean they know that we know better than anyone they know that shit they know when you're pirate and stuff yeah like it ain't worth it bro simon knows we i guess we didn't get in trouble we just got told don't do it again yeah but but it could be you know that's because it's porn you do it with, like, a big movie studio when they're trying to, like, protect their industry. You're fucked. Yeah. I mean, that, I really, like, they're my, my two least favorite people on the internet right now are, one, people who reply to someone who would reply to someone with just the words underrated tweet. Yeah.

I hate that. I hate people who have the same name as a person you're talking about. So I'll be like, I'm talking about Jacob deGrom, and I'll be like, I fucking can't believe Jake did that. And then someone's like, Jake Smith replies. What did I do? Yeah, what did I do, Casey? I don't get it.

I'm like, imagine that. Someone has the same name. Oh, my God. You fucking asshole. It's not Mahershala Ali we're talking about here. Your name's Jacob, Jacob. I'm like, Fuck you, bro. But then the number one is, without a doubt.

Oh, I on-demanded this last night. You still on-demand movies? Yeah, I'm a fucking adult with a goddamn paycheck who gets fucking movies and buys them. John, last time I was using my Fire Stick, I tweeted that I lost the remote. Someone said to me, you still use remotes?

I was like, yes, and I don't even know what the alternative would be. I don't even have an... Was this thing called? Fire Stick? She has the Apple TV. Apple TV. I don't know why I couldn't remember that. The X is everything to me, but they decided to call that one

an Apple TV. When I had the Apple TV, I did download the remote for that because i mean i did go and get the fire stick and it actually is pretty easy but if you're gonna try to shame me for using remotes remotes are they have they have a good 100 years left before they're phased out yeah i use so i use my tv remote i use that i'm not downloading an app for that fuck that i have my cable remote my cable remote and my TV remote. Absolutely. But the, anyone who's like a little bit ahead of technology

is like, oh my god. Yeah, I still use what everyone else uses, man. Yeah. I still use on demand. I buy my fucking movies. I don't torrent my movies. I buy my music. I buy my movies. I'm not poor. I use the easy things that are there. I'm not trying to do any extra work. Fuck out of here. That's what Liz was saying. I was trying to get her to download

a song the other day and Liz was like, Liz is a lunatic. She's like, I need to buy his albums and shit. Yeah, she's like, I gotta listen to it before I decide to buy it. And I was like,

what are you talking about buying it? And she's like, I buy all my stuff. I'm like, well, if you get six songs a week, this isn't even like a technology thing. This is just financial sense.

Yeah, but she also does it out of like, she wants to support the artist. What are you talking about? They get the same, I guess you get less money. Yeah, she says you get more money if you buy the album. Like, Liz, just shut the fuck up.

All right, well, stream. Just stream your goddamn music. Stream, and then if you like it, buy it. Buy it also. That's what I do with, like, when Taylor Swift comes out early on iTunes. I buy it. Do you? To support?

No, I don't buy the support. I just do it because it comes earlier. Yeah. Came at the same time. I wouldn't buy it. Either way, listen. Don't. I'm going to buy my shit.

I'm going to use my remotes. Don't ever tell us how to watch TV, okay? New episode of Watch List will be out on Wednesday. This week's episode is already out. We had Johnny Bananas on for a sit-down interview. We rattled through a rundown of topics talking about everything going on in the TV world. So everybody always asks me, why don't you do more Barstool DVR? Well, I do.

It's just under a new name called Watch List right now. So every Wednesday, the podcast is Watch List, and then there's a video that goes along with it. So check it out every Wednesday. What's up, KFC, Fidelberg, Super Producer BC, coming at you from the great state of Missouri, and I got a quick little question for you. Would you guys rather never be able to laugh at a joke or funny moment again or be required to laugh at every single little funny joke or anything anyone says that is remotely funny? Yeah, absolutely.

I always put a lot of thought into this, and right off the bat you think you've got to go with being able to laugh but can you imagine being that guy that obnoxiously laughs at every single little joke that may not even be funny what happens if it's during a funeral and you start i mean that's why you can't be this guy you have to take the no laugh and it's just pretty close to this guy no way i mean like because i am if you tell a joke, I'm going to laugh at it. I'm not the kind of guy who will hear at least an intended joke. I'm not an asshole.

If you say an intended joke, I will at least giggle at you. I'm not going to stare at you stone-faced. You're not funny, bro. Yeah, no doubt. There's a level of social decorum where it's just like, all right, I get it. I could tell by the inflection that that was supposed to be a joke. Right. So I'm going to laugh.

I'll throw you a giggle. Yeah. I mean, we do it all the time on the podcast, too. It's like if someone's telling an entertaining story and there's someone with a punchline, it's like, yeah, all right. Yeah. And you know when I'm really laughing. You know when I'm just doing social laughter.

But you just laugh. That's how it goes. But the flip side of always laughing at everything, then you're an asshole. I mean, you're not laughing at everything. Can you control your laughter? I mean, he said you have to laugh out loud at every little thing, every little, like, intended joke.

Is that laughing out loud? I mean, I guess so. You're saying, like, if you just do a little chuckle, it's not that bad? Yeah. Because that's what I do. I mean, that's pretty much what I do. I mean, he also you're saying like if you just do like a little chuckle it's not that bad yeah because that's what I do I mean that's pretty much what I mean he also brings another element too where it's like if I if I lean over and whisper something to you and it's in a situation where you're not supposed to be laughing like a funeral and you just then you have to do a chuckle you're an asshole I've chuckled in funerals that wouldn't be my first that wouldn't be my first funeral chuckle I'm okay I'm more worried about like what a dick I

think you can get away with like if someone said something funny and you're not laughing but you were like don't do like sometimes the funniest things to me I'm like yo that is very funny I'm not laughing you know what I mean so I think you can convey like I think you're funny in other ways and I don't want

to be the dickhead who has to laugh at every you know what the worst part about that whole scenario is when you meet a guy who thinks he's funny and he's not and you don't want to give him the laugh but now you have to give him the laugh so you need a friend's boyfriend no fuck that guy the guy who's really trying who's a dick who's like doing it in the wrong way i don't want to give him the laugh i like i remember on on a vegas trip with k marco way back in the beginning, we were with the Bro Bible guys. And they were trying so hard. Huh? Is that still around?

Yeah, I think it still exists, but I don't think it's, like, anything quality at all. Okay, sorry to interrupt. They were trying so hard. Waffles with butter was, like, being such a dick and trying so hard. And it was just great to just, like, stonewall them and be like, oh, that was supposed to be funny? That was fucked up. Like, no, that was mean. Nobody liked that.

Whatever it was. Having to give Waffles McButter a laugh would kill me. How about Rappaport? You'd have to laugh at everything. Every time he says something quote-unquote funny. I'm out. Yeah, there you go. That's it.

When you find someone who you don't want to give the laugh to, you can't, and you're not able to. Dude, I hated that guy so much. I remember we had to interview him for the podcast for some ad deal so he could promote something or something like that. And you even told me, you don't have to come in if you don't want to. Yeah. And I always said, you know what, I'm going to be a professional.

I'll go in, and I'll sit there. And I said probably 10 words on the podcast. You see he's on NBA 2K? Yeah. And everyone's like, what the fuck is this guy doing in my game? It's like, oh, what a great honor. I'm in the video game. And then everyone's reaction was like, fuck this.

When they would do stuff, they had an event up in Boston, and they had full access to the blog, but they would ask guys to blog it. So his guy said, can you get John to blog it? And I said you know can you get like john to blog it and i had no idea that you had these feelings but that was the first like fuck no i ain't doing that shit i was like oh okay doing it like they do's on these on like the sports hub can you blog this fucking uh interview and pull i remember that i was like you're out of your fucking mind i fucking hate you you're having your fucking guy email our producer to ask me to do a blog. Suck my fucking dick.

I don't even like you, let alone am I going to do work for you. I couldn't believe that. I was like, yeah, I'll do it. Fuck out of here. Actually, I don't even think I gave him the courtesy of saying, yeah, I'll do it and not doing it. I think I just said no. No, I'm not doing that. Fights?

No hangover fights coming in hot today. I like it. He is sharp. He's with it. He's coming in hot, baby. like it. He is sharp. He's with it. He's coming in hot, baby. I took my OMAX today, baby. You didn't even need your liquid IV in the morning. I did not.

I mean, at the end of the day, you want to get to a point where liquid IV is not even necessary, right? But it's a necessary. There have been a lot of mornings it's necessary. There are just some things in life. I have it in my apartment by my fridge. It's not even in the cabinet. Just a huge pack of it. Just all the sticks.

At the ready if you need it. Water bottle. Okay, that's good. Listen, after a night out, if you got a fast-paced job, fast-paced lifestyle, you need quick hydration, you need quick relief, liquid IV is the way to go. If you got kids and family and stuff, give that to them. It's like, it's a nice alternative to the sugary sports drinks. Kids at the beach, you got to keep them hydrated. They don't want to drink four water bottles. Bam.

You have one liquid IV. It's equal to three or four bottles of water. That's magic. And I'll tell you what, like I've always said, if I could just like take a pill and be like, and that's my meal, or I take a pill and I'm not thirsty anymore. We're getting close to that. Drink this one thing. It's equal to three or four of them.

We're getting to that Jetson shit. I think it's three. And I'll tell you what also. I don't know if I'm allowed to say this. Not too bad to put a little liquor in. Liquid IV. Yo, that's true though. It's like as you're drinking it, you'll be like,

I'm only getting half the hangover right now. Oh, I popped a little Vodka in there. Hell yeah. I'm getting drunk, and I'm only getting half the hangover because my mixer is Liquid IV. Yeah, that's right. They tell you to go water, liquor, water, liquor. Do it all at once.

Water and liquor, baby. Do it all at once. Liquid IV. Let me get a Liquid IV vodka, please. We'll check with the sales if I'm allowed to say that. You might have revolutionized their whole campaign. I do encourage the acai powder water and vodka. I encourage it.

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We're probably not going to check ourselves. No, never. Hi. Hi. So, my name is Allie. My name is Leah. And we work together. And there's been this girl in our office for a couple months now that has been, I think she thinks no one notices, but she's been clipping her toenails.

And Leah sits right behind her. And I sit right behind her, and she's been clipping her toenails under her desk for a while now. We don't technically, don't know how to say that's not okay. Yeah. So, question is, how the hell do we tell her, please stop doing this? Yo, first of all, great question. We'll get into all sorts of Cube Chronicle stuff in a moment. Becky 1 and Becky 2 here are a goddamn comedy duo.

It sounded like there was an echo. It just sounded like it was one person and an echo. So, we work, we work. That's what you said when we were testing, testing. I said, I think there's a double

technical, technical difficulties. No, there's just two girls. I mean, they even, it was like natural, like,

she was like, so, Becky works behind her, so I work behind her. Abbott and Costello over here. I mean, this is horrendous. I don't even need to do like total cubicle chronicles here. I mean, this is horrendous.

I don't even need to do total cubicle chronicles here. Just this one in particular is, I can't stress this enough, man. If you clip your toenails anywhere but the bathroom, I don't care if it's on your property, in your house,

if you clip your toenails anywhere but the bathroom, you're a disgusting, Remember when Asa said she used to put a piece of paper under her toes and clip? Yeah, no. Shit goes everywhere, man. You're a disgusting, Remember when Asa said she used to like put a piece of paper under her toes and clip? Yeah, no. And like pick it up.

Shit goes everywhere, man. Yeah, no, everywhere. It fucking is like pew, pew. Everywhere. And I'll be honest. It's like flubber. Your fingernails are like flubber.

Just pew, pew, pew, pew. Firing around the bathroom. And when I get into a good session, I am OCD about my nails. I cut my nails like at least once a day. What? Every day.

Every day. I'll travel with fucking, if I don't have my, I have a clipper in my desk in here. I have it at all times. So do you go to the bathroom to do it? If I need to do it,

it's like a hangnail that I need to clip. You know what I mean? It's not like I'm giving a full session, but yeah, I mean, I'll go to the bathroom. You always have to be in a bathroom. Yeah. To me, that, you said this before,

that's what separates like the savages of society, right? It's, it's, it's, I saw Lou do it once when we lived together in the common room. Like in the common room? Three or four years ago. I just said this before. That's what separates the savages of society, right? I saw Lou do it once when we lived together in the common room three or four years ago. I just went, no. No. Can't have it. No.

Like a dog. Hit him with a newspaper. No. Bad bathroom. I mean, I wouldn't be able to. This would last one second on me. How do you tell a coworker? You fucking beat him over the head with your laptop that's and they just understand that's what happened like as soon as

i started click my you give them like a um nash schrodinger's cat uh pavlov anytime i take it out you beat them to death with a fucking laptop they're dead they can't clip their toenails and if they try again and dude we're talking about toenails like again if if if hand is it's all the same really but for some reason to me toen – probably because you need to be, like, bent over or you're fucking putting your leg up on a desk or something like that. The amount of – it's really – I'm not even worried about the physical hygiene, which is disgusting. It's, like, how can you be so socially inept that you think you can, like, put your foot up on the fucking chair and clip in front of everyone. It's offensive how socially awkward you are and how, like, blissfully obnoxious you are to the people around you. And toenails, like you said, toenails are especially disgusting, especially for a girl, because she's walking around all summer and flip-flops and stuff like that.

Those toes are out, bro. Yeah, you got, like, toe scum. You got, like, shit you're just picking up on the sidewalks and stuff like that, just fucking gross dirt and shit like that. Bottom is all the really personal hygiene shit the people who brush their teeth at work no i i walked in at the white guys were like ah like brushing their tongue like a big wad of fucking spit no at the desk at the bathroom but it's like a communal bathroom you know like in here you're one of those places we have like in here this is why if i need to i'll like clip my nail because you're like you're by yourself in a fucking sink when you're one of those places where you have communal bathrooms with 100 employees. This is why, if I need to, I'll clip my nails, because you're by yourself in a fucking sink.

When you're in front of people, you do any of the major personal hygiene stuff, clip your nails, clean your ears, brush your teeth, all that shit, you're disgusting. I could hear a guy flossing one time. Oh! And for some reason, the sound was revolting. Now that is vile. by the way shout out the toenails though because toenails are like the most amazing feature the human body is amazing like nails are crazy they just but toenails in particular no exactly every time you cut your

toe your fingernails you're gonna have to cut. They grow at the perfect pace. It's amazing. The human body is crazy. Women can grow babies inside of them. But the toenails. You know what I think is crazy? We're literally just like a skeleton with a meat casing around us. Everything about us is wild. We get sick and we just fight it.

We're futuristic things. But the goddamn toenail. You know what I think is crazy? What an amazing thing that is. The eyebrows. Full head of hair. You grow a full beard on your? What an amazing thing that is. The eyebrows. Full head of hair. You grow a full beard on your face, and then it stops here, and it stops there, but just two little strips in the middle.

And, oh, how about eyelashes? They just stop growing. Not only do you have to cut your eyelashes. They just grow, like, one time. That's it. You get an initial set of eyelashes, and then that's it. It's fascinating. It's an amazing thing but i toenails

are the best toenails every single day i you can set your watch to it every time i cut my fingernails last time i cut my toenails this time let me also say this if you don't want to just beat them to death with a laptop you can always the beautiful part about real jobs is you can just tell hr and they have to tell them like we had this girl who was nicknamed the tsunami of stink she was the stinkiest girl i've ever been a part she was Indian she didn't bathe at all she didn't wear deodorant at all and uh I we had to go tell HR because it was like you can't be around her you could smell her coming around the hallway it'd be like she's coming she's coming it was that disgusting and then HR had to be like yeah we've had like some complaints and you don't know what came from make hr do your dirty work what's up kfc fight super producer bc so a couple months ago back in march me and my ex

were both uh theater people in high school we do crew and shit like that there was an emergency rehearsal during a snow day and it was at a church and me and Max had just started talking again and yeah yeah but we just went out and we went to the basement of the church which was a preschool and we just made out in the preschool and then we got caught I'm starting college in a few weeks if I tell that story, is it like, all right, dude, congrats on the sack. Like, congrats on literally just making out. Like, nobody gives a shit. Or is that a, or is that more, you know, oh, that's a funny story, dude.

So. I like this question. I like this question. Because it's, you know, you got to worry about sounding like an asshole. But I think if people give you, I've always said this. If I tell a story where I was like, you know, I was out last night and I got wasted. I got shit-faced. Oh, you drank, bro?

Yeah. It's like, I can't even tell you a story about drinking without you assuming that I'm trying to be cool. That means you're the weirdo. Right, right, right. That's on you. I was just telling a story where I was drinking. You apparently think that's so cool that I was trying to sound – I don't know. I was just telling a story.

Same thing with this. If you're like – How old is he? He's in high school, right? He's going to college next week so yeah i think i think you have to get to a certain age but i think that you can tell this in in the right setting if it's like um if someone's like sharing an embarrassing story you can be like oh my god one time i got i got caught making out with a girl in my old preschool or something like that i think if you're like yo gather around i got a story or a story. Or if other people are telling, like, sex stories

and that's what you come with, then you seem weird. But I don't think there's any harm in telling that in the right time, the right setting. Yeah, no, I totally agree. It is what I was going to say. I was so reluctant. Like, my jokes at Barstool for, like, a long time, like, self-deprecating, like, I don't have sex.

I mean, we still always hedge where it's like you put, like, a parenthetical, like, yeah, bro, I have sex. Or congrats on the sex. I like you put like a parenthetical like yeah bro i have sex or congrats on the sex or i mean the congrats on the sex joke is that and that's because as soon as someone mentions sex you have to mention it that's because people who are like listening to the story especially on the internet just aren't funny people right so like that's that's what they go so you just beat them to the joke like yeah i know i know you're going to say this so here you go you i could do that every sentence i write in blogs or in a tweet i could just i'm like okay i could respond immediately to myself with this because you know what i'm

gonna say no doubt who's like trying to be funny trying to be cool i mean i there are my other favorite thing is when i was writing blogs and people would be like dude you didn't reference the seinfeld episode with yada yada yada it's like there's oh i would have to do that every single blog i ever read the blogs would be endless because there would be a million fucking seinfeld references but the it's kind of i kind of got to why i said that i think you have to do that every single blog I ever read. The blogs would be endless because there would be a million fucking Seinfeld references. But the – it's kind of – I kind of got to – I said it. I think you have to be a certain age, particularly for like either drinking. Like now I'm like – I have a couple of drinks pretty much every day.

It's never like, I got blackout last night. It was crazy. It's like I have a couple of drinks after work and occasionally I have sex. But it's like if you're like always talking about it. When you get to a certain age, you kind of like Gale the Sna Gail the snail was like, yeah, mom, I'm sexually active. You're 30. You're supposed to be sexually active. When you're 25, I think it's much easier to tell drinking and sex stories.

It's like, yeah, this is what we do. Yeah. It sounds like you're bragging. If you are, if you if you do do it every night and you're just telling stories like I've always thought that there was a spot at barstool to really dive into like hook up life you know what i mean it's like if if but if someone came into a podcast and was like yo i was out last night i went up to these chicks like i was talking to them this is what i said this is what didn't work this what did work people would be like you douchebag nobody fucking cares in reality though it's like well that's what everybody's trying to do at all times everyone's

trying to get laid at all times so why can we not even talk about it without people being like oh you're trying to sound cool you're trying to sound like a dick you're a douche but that's the reality that's how people do react and they're always and like it's particularly if it's self-deprecating if you're telling a good girl a story and you're like i fucking blew her back out the neighbors knocked on the door and asked me to stop and that's the end of the story yeah don't tell that there needs to be something yeah it always you always need to be the butt of the well that's also like i mean anything if you're just you're then you're dave you know if you just tell stories about everything that's awesome i make more money i i do this it's cool i do that

it's like all right well nobody needs you to just brag all the time right but i pretty much every story i tell like i think wesley snipes had a viral tweet the other day where it was something along the lines of don't judge yourself by the internet. No one's sharing their bad moments. I wanted the quote to be, I exclusively share my bad moments. No, I mean, literally exclusively bad moments. I mean, I know what he's saying. You look at someone's Instagram. It's all pretty pictures.

Regular people, yes. For me, it's like, if you like me at all or think I'm even cool at all on the internet, that's good. I'm happy with that because I'm actually better in real life. I'm telling you my worst and you still like me? Well, then awesome. If we ever hang out, we're like, that's good. Like that. I'm, I'm happy with that. Cause I'm actually like better than real in real life. You know what I mean? I'm telling you my worst and you still like me. Well then awesome. If we ever hang out, we're gonna be great friends.

Oh, like every single story. I will never tell a sex story or a drinking story that ends with like, and that was the greatest night out ever. Or, and then she fucking came and told me I was the best fuck ever. Like I will be just bear with, but you might think I'm bragging. Don't tell it. Don't. Yeah. Wait, wait. Get to, let me get to the end. think I'm bragging. Don't tell me. Wait, wait. Let me get to the end.

Because I am the one who looks like an asshole. I promise you. I'm not here telling you about my great sex life. You know what's so interesting, though? I feel like you are so impervious to any sort of feedback at this point, so it doesn't really affect you. I think, for me, in my career i was like too self-deprecating for too long i think it just fed people all of like the ammo to use against me and all of like

the ways to hate where i think like you see like dave you see dan you see other people who are just like they put forth much more of a confident better like yeah i mean i could do that but that's just not who i am right i mean i'm a self-deprecating person but i also sometimes i'm like geez i i just gave them the playbook like i i pop a doc them but now i'm like losing the rap battle it's like at some point i think you can almost go the other direction because i do think like confidence is a big part of life and if you're like but like we said you're never putting force that force that confidence to tell people the bad part of you is confident yes You need to be confident.

Yes, I know. I need to, for me to say, like, all my bad stories, I need to be like, look, I'm good with the rest of it. I guess this is my point, and this is what you just said, is, like, people need to acknowledge, they need to know that everything they hear from us is, like, our bad stories. If you think that that's all there is,

you're going to be like, well, these guys are fucking assholes. These guys are losers. There's some good stories, too. You'll have to find them out some other way. I'm not going to be the one to tell you. Yeah, exactly. Like, go talk to my friends or something. You're never going to hear it from me.

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fights. Adequate producer Logan got a would you rather for you. One of your ad reads last episode got me thinking, would you rather have your hairline, instead of receding back towards your scalp, get closer and closer to your eyebrows, or would you rather have your eyebrows bald?

The hair just slowly goes away. Love it. Logan, you got it you know logan you got we just talked about late but you got called adequate producer there here so moving up from mediocre or was he medium from mediocre to medium to adequate uh i think mediocre yeah adequate's better okay this is a a great question this is this is this is why this show works i mean we're like literally just talking about eyebrows a second ago and someone else is calling in like you know what i want to talk about eyebrows um no eyebrows is crazy like charlie villanueva has always looked like a freak if you see someone who shaves their eyebrows you look like a freak i mean i had that picture the other day not the other day it was a couple months

ago where like the sun was shining the other day could be within the last five years all right fine as long as we're on the same page uh it was in the sun, like, was shining on my face, and my eyebrows were blonde, and it just, they were gone. And everyone was like, where are your eyebrows? It's very jarring when someone doesn't have eyebrows. Britney Spears, shaved head, shaved eyebrows, freak. See, I don't think it sticks out to me. Because growing up, one of my best friends, her dad has alopecia. Freak!

I saw it all the time, and I just got used to, like, bald people with eyebrows. Yeah, well, guess what? None of us, none of the other people did. Frank! Now, instead of the receding hair. That's what they used to do. He had glasses. Right. So, like, the glasses, you don't really notice.

It's true. You roll out there with no glasses. You're looking like a cue ball. Yeah. Now, the other side being your hair, like, your forehead being fully hairy is equally weird. It's funny. It's weirder. Some people don't have eyebrows.

You can't name me a person who has a full hair. Well, yeah. No, no, no. You can't name anybody who has like a full. It's like it's weird. I notice. Everybody has a three head. Like it's just like a very tiny forehead.

And it's like because of the head. The head is small or the hairline is low. Hairline is low. See, it's funny because obviously, you know, when you get 30, you start looking at hairlines left and right, and you notice a guy who's got like a straight line across. And if it's – I've seen guys who's like a little – it's almost like it is a little too much.

I'm like, damn, you've got too much of a hairline. You're too good. If it were to really fully grow in your whole forehead, imagine if you had to like comb your forehead you can't you can't have that you can't have that and you couldn't you couldn't i guess you could shave it but then it's just i don't know maybe you could just shave it just keep like shave like your face like you just shave your cheeks you shave your neck you shave your forehead yeah but again imagine that then you have to like do your eye you have to leave your eyebrows

that's what i'm talking about that's why eyebrows are amazing because they just grow and they stop if we had to shave our forehead every time it it would be a disaster, because you'd go, oh, shit, I went a little too far. Now my eyebrow's fucked up. Yeah, I think I got to go no eyebrows. No eyebrows under my glasses. Pull a fucking beanie all the way down. Pull a flat brim all the way down.

Put your glasses on. There's ways to minimize the eyebrows. Yeah, I mean, girls do it. Don't girls just get tattooed? Yeah, just draw it on. Done. I mean, I probably wouldn't do that. We got a picture of Feidelberg with no eyebrows. Yeah, I mean, girls do it. Don't girls just get tattooed? Yeah, just draw it on. Done. I mean, I probably wouldn't do that. We got a picture of Feidelberg

with no eyebrows. He looks ridiculous. I do look ridiculous. He looks ridiculous. But I would look more ridiculous if I had hair all the way down. No doubt. You would look like a werewolf.

I look good there. You can't have... No, you don't. You look ridiculous. I look good. No. That hat really makes my eyes fucking pop.

All right. That's it for today's episode. Get at us on Twitter. Let us know what you want, the hair, the eyebrows, the foreheads, all that stuff. Today's episode was brought to you by BetDSI. BetDSI has been in business for over 20 years. That's two decades. That is two-thirds of John Feidelberg's life because he's now 30 years old.

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