KFC Radio - KFCradio: Jim O'Heir & Mickstape

Episode Date: April 26, 2018

Jim O'Heir (aka Garry/Jerry/Larry/Terry from Parks & Rec) stops by to show us his absurdly large tongue and listen to KFC and Feits sing. Also, the Mickstape boys answer voicemails about the internet coming to an end and lazy things you could easily fix, but choose not to. Episode presented by:Brockmire Season two premieres on IFC April 25 th at 10pmShari's Berries freshly dipped strawberries starting at $19.99 code: KFCSeatgeek listeners get $10 off their first SeatGeek purchase promo code: KFCZip Recruiter try ZipRecruiter for free, ZipRecruiter.com/kfcYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Season 2 of Brockmire is out. Hank Azaria is back as the world's most entertaining, self-loathing, drunk, fucked-up baseball announcer, podcast host the world has ever seen. So Season 2 is here. He suffered a breakdown in season one after walking in on his wife and his neighbor with a strap on, rounding third base, and heading home. He has since went viral. He becomes infamous on the internet.

And now he's back calling games for the AAA New Orleans Crawdaddies waiting for his call up to the majors. You know who else is in it? The Indian dude Donald from Pitch Perfect is like his rival broadcaster now. In the commercial he's like Matt, wow, you're like a brown Joe Buck. And he's like,

Joe Buck is like a white me. He's like the big competition amongst the announcers. So that is out now. It's on IFC. Premiered last night at 10pm. Catch it on demand or next week, every Wednesday at 10pm on IFC. You can binge season at 10 p.m. Catch it on demand or next week, every Wednesday at 10 p.m. on IFC. You can binge season one now on Hulu. Get caught up and watch along season two of Brockmire.

So, your boy, we got mixtape in the building. We'll have Jimmy O'Hare later in the episode. Jimmy. I'm real chummy with him. Yeah, he's my guy. Jimmy O'Hare. He's from Parks and Rec. Parks and Rec.

Jim O'Hare. If you're a Parks and Rec fan, Jim O'Hare is absolutely's from Parks and Rec. Parks and Rec. Jim O'Hare, if you're a Parks and Rec fan, Jim O'Hare is absolutely nothing like Jerry. They look identical. But aside from that, they're very, very different people. Very different. I'd imagine that he's different from everybody ever. I've never encountered a guy quite like him.

Although I would say he would fit in as the uncle at my family. I'd see him being like, oh, it's Uncle Jimmy. Being weird again. That tongue's coming out. That tongue. Boy. So we'll get into that in the second half of the episode. But right now, the number one basketball podcast on the planet Earth.

We got Coley Mick. We got Trill Weathers Tyler. We got Mick Stape in the building. You're not lying. Nope. They are here. They are both here. And so your boy Hank Azaria, who is Brockmire,

he has said he's willing to step down as Apu. Thoughts? His check's still going to clear because he does 900 other voices. Right. Yeah, so that's the main reason for him, right? He's like, I guess I don't have to do this. He changes tune a lot from when he was on KFC Radio. He was on KFC Radio last year, and we asked him about that, and he was like, I mean, he wasn't like, I'm never leaving or anything like that.

But we just said – we talked about, like, is that something you could start now? He did acknowledge that. He's like, it's not something you could start now. Right. And I think they acknowledged that in the episode, right, where they kind of have, like, the comeback at it where it's like, oh, something that we did 20 years ago is no longer politically correct or whatever like that. Yep. Meg? Meg.

Lisa. Lisa. I'm not a Simpsons guy. Yeah, we're Simpsons experts right here. I'm wearing a Simpsons t-shirt, but I'm not a Simpsons guy. We're Simpsons experts right here. I'm wearing a Simpsons t-shirt, but I'm not a Simpsons guy. Two days straight, John? Yes, so I guess he said that they spoke to a lot of Southeastern Asian people and that he gets it now and that he would step down

and let an actual Indian person do the voice rather than have it be a white guy doing an accent. It would be really funny if they brought in an authentic guy and it sounded exactly the same. Well, yeah, I mean, like, that's what's gonna happen, but they'll be like, but it's okay because he's allowed to talk that way because that's just how he naturally speaks. Isn't it, isn't it like, I thought the problem with it was like they didn't

want him to be like a gas station guy or a sluggy. Well, the whole thing was stereotypical. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure, yeah, they should probably just change the whole, let him be the fucking mayor or something and change his voice and all of a sudden you just Yeah. I mean, I'm sure, yeah, they should probably just change the whole, let him be the fucking mayor or something and change his voice and all of a sudden you just don't have

a poor anymore. Yeah, give him the Jerry treatment. There was that episode, there was that episode of, what was his, Master and Nun, where they talk about all the brown face acting

that has gone down and I guess Ashton Kutcher was the one who really was, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. That was that. Wait a goddamn minute. Wait, who did Ashton do?

It was, I think it was in The Love Guru. Oh, no, that was Mike Myers. But I think he, oh, he had a commercial. He had a pop ship commercial. That's what it was, where he was just like

doing all sorts of like wild Indian shit. Really? Yeah. Ashton Kutcher's the fucking man, by the way. Is he, though? He's been doing a lot of shit recently.

Yeah, well, he just went viral because he was testifying in front of Congress that he, I forget his company's name, I apologize, but like, he gave a really good speech where heifying in front of Congress that he – I forget his company's name. I apologize. But, like, he gave a really good speech where he's like, I get told to stick to my day job. He's like, so I'm going to tell you about my day job.

And he runs, like, a software company that searches people who are sharing child porn and, like, rescues children. Who knew? And he's like, I get calls from Homeland Security asking me to find these people because they can't. He's like, I'm the last line of defense. Ashton Kutcher? Yeah. It was a really, really good clip. He did a hell of a job.

Best role ever, man. Where'd this come out? For real. He did Steve Jobs, and then he went and did this shit. It was viral probably like two weeks ago. So I have it pretty recently. And I was like, I've always kind of clowned on Ashton Kutcher, too. And I saw that.

I was like, shit, he's the fucking real deal. And is he still with Demi Moore? No, they got to know. Who's he with now? He's married to Mila Kunis. kind of clowned on Ashton Kutcher too and I saw that and I was like shit he's the fucking real deal and he's still is he still with Demi Moore no they got to know who's he with now he's married to

Mila Kunis oh yeah that guy's the man he's got it figured out he had that one slip up with the Indians bro fucking Kelso's

betting like 855 yo the only thing about that is I always wondered like you're with Mila Kunis and it's just like

yo tell me about that decade with Macaulay Culkin. Yeah. Like, what went down there? I always have, like, a longstanding do not ask my girlfriend about her exes. Never more so. I'd be like, no. Oh, really? I'd be like, I have to know.

Tell me what happened at the Neverland Ranch. Tell me, you know, I just feel like some dirty, weird shit went on. We'll never speak of it again, but I have questions. Yeah, right? I need the men in black shit after that. I need to know, and then pow, get rid of that. Get it out of my brain. We talked about this a little bit on Barstool Radio, but now—

It's called Thorn, Ashton Kutcher's company. Thorn. Defending children from sexual abuse. Him and Joe Kelly just saving the children. I'm under fire right now for my Meek Mill thing. You knew that was going to happen. You got cursed out from the one person you said it to their face. Yeah, it was great.

He's not a clown! He's not a clown! I thought that guy started to cry. I think there was actual tears. What was that? He was some Philly guy who called up and he's like, KSC, I don't know what's in the water up there, but blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, but dude, you remember he was like a clown before he went to jail.

He's not a clown. He's not a clown. I was like, whoa. Calm down. So yeah, I knew what was coming. But I mean, we just have to acknowledge the facts. The dude was a clown before he went to jail. True or false?

He was down bad. It's true. I mean, the joke was just like, how many L's can Meek Mill take? And now he's Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King rolled up into a mascot, and he might actually suit up for the team. And he's a good luck charm and the fucking beacon of hope for Philadelphia. People go into prison and they get reformed. He was in prison for like 25 seconds.

Everything he wasn't in prison for got reformed. It was perfect. That's a hell of a jail stint. That's 25 seconds longer than I'd ever want to go to prison. I am Mr. I'll take whatever's on the other side of the equation. I don't want any jail time. So six months in jail is no fucking joke. But it's also not like he's some freedom fighter.

Yeah, he was on a hunger strike to save the children like Ashton Kutcher. He was just revving his motorcycle after breaking parole for the 45th time. I thought he attacked someone in an airport. Yeah, that was the initial thing. That's the thing. So the motorcycle thing was like the straw that broke the camel's back. Yeah, no, that's classic. Yeah, you can't be doing that after you beat somebody up in an airport.

But, I mean, so once he got out and I saw the footage, back. Yeah, no, that's classic. Yeah, you can't be doing that after you beat somebody up in an airport. But, I mean, even once, so once he got out and I saw the footage, I was like, oh, yeah, I kind of remember. Like, he looks a little weird in his T-shirt. He's got a strange body. Yeah, somebody said he looks like a 55 on 2K, just an overall 55, which is pretty accurate. He had on, like, the brown shirt,

like the gray pants they give you when you start your mind player. He picked up some weight, and I was like, I don't know if gaining weight in jail is a good move. Not a good sign. It might be, though. If you're a famous person, you're like, I was eating well. I was eating pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I mean, but even just they were like, how are you doing? He was like, I'm great. And he ran into this arena all kind of scattered. And I know, yes, he literally just got out of prison so you're not gonna have like your wits about you and he's like ringing the bell all awkward

the bell was a bad swing I don't know what that was I mean I don't know how you can swing a little hammer at a little bell and be cool about it but that wasn't it

they need a much larger bell for that and you need like a fucking sled chair yeah like uh Steph when he did it

at the Carolina Panthers that was awesome that huge drum this is just like a Ding ding ding And then I'm just like It all came rushing back to me Him falling over

Nicki Minaj dumping him Drake I forgot about the snow Him falling on the snow That might have been the worst Ew Yeah that was a time Right into the bush

Yeah You gotta get rid of that footage You gotta kill somebody I watched it 20 times I thought it was fake But everyone just kept being like No this is a thing that happened to this poor guy. You know what I definitely thought was fake? When he did the front flip with the Sixers trampoline squad.

Oh, yeah. Do you remember that? Oh, yeah. That was a strong move because he only had things to lose. Only had things to lose by trying to do that flip. He looked super awkward running up to the trampoline, but then he was just like, boing, and just did a perfect front flip. But that, I was like, oh, yeah. He like, Kerry shrugged.

Was it Kerry shrugged? Yeah, he just stuck the landing. Boom, right there. And they all went wild for him. But even just running down the hallway to the trampoline was quite weird. And he's just, it's fine, but let's just be real about it. Everyone's like, no, no, he's got so much street cred, he's so cool. I'm like, you were probably the same fucking people tweeting at him,

is this a world tour or your girl's tour? You fucking were, because everybody was. Not in Philly. Also, yeah, Philly showed him love. Like, they didn't give up on him. They probably should have. I was going to say, when people were trying to rep for his, I don't even know the name of his song.

The one that was supposed to answer back-to-back? I had never heard of it. No, no his song. The one that was supposed to answer back to back? I had never heard of it. No, no, no, the one that was supposed to answer back to back. Like I, you could play that right, like you wouldn't remember

a word from it. The Undertaker music, I remember that. Yeah, but it didn't do it well and he didn't, like nothing, none of his punchlines hit. Like I would not know

that song right now for a billion dollars. I had never heard of him before like that beef. I'm not super into the rap game. You don't really like music, I've come to find out. Yes.

Correct. He says that. He says that, but he constantly listens to music. It's the same thing as the jerseys. I'm always wearing headphones, but there's very rarely music in them. It's just like,

don't talk to me. But I'd never heard of them, and I lived with Louis at the time, and I'm a Drake guy. I do like Drake a lot. I'm an emotional little pussy. What's up? But I was living with Louis, and we were sitting in our apartment just waiting for that song to drop because we knew it would come out.

And Louis was just pumping his tires all night being like, he's going to fucking smash him. You don't even know about me. He's a maniac. And it came on. I was like, I laughed out loud. I was like, Lou, going to fucking smash him. You don't even know about me. He's a maniac. And it came on. I was like, right, so he started laughing out loud. I was like, Lou, what the fuck is this? Did he try to like say it was good though? A little bit.

He was like, fuck. Yeah. He said Drake got peed on in the song. Nobody cared. Nobody cared. Nobody reacted because it was that poorly like delivered and everything. I'm going to be honest. I set it up the time.

I still don't think Drake's, if he didn't have the show with the memes behind him, those songs both stunk too. I thought Back to Back was – I think the very first one he did, Charged Up. Yeah, that was still good. Yeah, that was not good. Back to Back was fire. Back to Back was fire. And, I mean, it was just like he said everything he needed to say about Meek Mill. Definitely.

But, again, when he went on – I think it was when he was doing the OVO Fest. But he did do that. He did the meme shit. So we got to give him credit for the fucking PowerPoint. For sure. The PowerPoint was brutal. The PowerPoint worked tremendously, Kevin. I let off with that.

It's an effective Microsoft tool. It was terrific. But he also had like, he just took what the internet, like he basically just took Tyler's timeline and was like, yeah, here we go. I'll throw these up. Listen, there is nothing wrong with repackaging what the internet has said and putting it up on a forum and living off that. But I think even Drake is kind of like, yeah, Meek's free.

I'm like, I'm still going to make fun of him, I think. I talked to Coley about this yesterday a little bit. I'm really upset Bob Craft is getting in on this. Big time in on it. Bob Craft's tweeting pictures with the ring. I know you say he's with Maybach Music and all that. He's a big Rose guy. But still, for me, we lost the Super Bowl because of Meek Mill's song. Oh, yeah. Big time. And I just don't want to be aligned all that. He's a big Rosé guy. But still, for me, we lost the Super Bowl because of Meek Mill's song.

Yeah, oh yeah. Oh, big time. And I just don't want to be aligned with that. Yeah, no, I'm with you on that. I would not be happy with my owner. I think it's a big time flex. Like, yeah, I don't really care that we lost that Super Bowl. I own your favorite rapper.

Because he doesn't. Meek Mill in my brain. Yeah, yeah. I got a couple of them. Yeah. Putin's got the other one. Let's get into these voicemails. They're brought to you by Sherry's Berries.

You got your mom. You got to get her gifts. You got to make her happy. You got your wife. You got to get her gifts. You got your aunt, your sister, whoever. I don't know if I'm getting my aunt gifts, if we're being honest here. My aunt.

Not fucking aunt. What about, I don't know, your kid's godmother? That's on the list, too. Sherry's berries. We've got to pump the brakes. We can't get flowers for everybody. Get flowers for your mom. She deserves it.

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So just get somebody in your life. Mother is a very specific one, I think. I don't know. Are you putting them in a hospital? Daddy isn't. Daddy is not. Daddy is not. Mom is.

Father's Day gets confusing with Daddy. Mother's Day is pretty clear cut. So get her the berries. They start at just $19.99, and you can double the berries for $10 more when you go to berries.com, B-E-R-R-I-E-S.com. That's a flex, by the way, just having berries as your address. Your domain. We own berries.

I'm having an issue right now. Oh, good. Oh, good. I love when this happens. No, it's not my back. It's my heart. It's just finally broken. It's just finally succumbed. This love when this happens. No, it's not my back. It's my heart. It's just finally broken. It's just finally succumbed.

This really hurts right now. Go to berries.com. Click the mic in the upper right corner. Enter code KFC. Get the berries for $19.99. Double it for $10 more. Talk to me, John. I'm just trying to stretch it out right now.

I don't think you can stretch your heart. No, I know you mean. It feels like it's like a knot. Yeah, I feel like it's going to take really tight. Oh, this is a heart attack. What kind of hearts do y'all get? Bad ones. You're talking, look at me and Coley.

You can fucking guess what our hearts look like. Today, earlier, we were recording with our guest, Adam Pally, and we're talking about the most fun position to play in sports. And fights is like center fielder in baseball, he's the best athlete on the field. I was a center fielder, no big deal. And Adam looks over and goes, I find that very hard to play. That was fucking

very good. Very good center fielder. Was, was, because right now, Jesus Christ. I haven't seen a baseball field in 10 years. I feel like it's just traveling up your back, into your heart, it's just like you have, oh, it's cancer probably, it's a disease spreading through your body. I slept for's just like you have, like, oh, it's cancer probably. It's a disease spreading through your body. I slept for a half hour last night, so that's probably not good.

No. No, that's not good. That was the opposite. Last night was the first night I've slept in, like, months. Really? Yeah. Yeah, we're fucked. You guys are dead. When my body is not, like, one of the worst on the panel, that's a problem.

I came this morning and said I've been sleeping for, I slept for a half hour last night. Kevin was like, oh, damn, you're out of the girl. I was like, no, I was either violently shitting or I was having a problem. I came this morning and said I slept for a half hour last night. Kevin was like, oh damn, you're out with a girl? I was like, no, I was either violently shitting or I was having a nightmare. John just started dreaming for the first time

a month ago. Oh, that's right. You were a no dream guy. I'm not a dream guy either. Don't say it out loud. That's going to start making up too.

I'm going to say it twice today. We were talking about dreams earlier. It cancels out. It's cool. I had said it a couple of times on podcasts. I never have a dream. I had said it a couple of times on podcasts. I never have a dream. I could never remember a single dream.

And then one day my brain was like, bro, I was protecting you. Here you fucking go. Here are your unconscious thoughts, you idiot. Yeah, but here's the thing. Now it's just horrible nightmares every single night. He's so new to nightmares. I was like, oh, damn, you were up all night? What happened?

He was like, there was these terrorists with guns, and I was, like, crawling in the snow trying to fight them. I was like, that's a fucking dream, man. That's standard. That's Call of Duty. It was. It wasn't like I was at war. It was like I was in, like.

They were picking you up. Yeah, I was, like, I was in a bad spot. I didn't have any ammunition. I was. There were no health boxes nearby. It was gory as shit It was like the kind of like Like fights

Or nightmare Where like I was shaking I felt myself Wake myself up twice Where I was like Get out of there Get up get up get up

Jesus Christ See I was telling Tyler I get like sleep paralysis Every once in a while Oh wow I proclaimed that fake Like six months ago And I

The heat I'm taking from Meek Mill Nothing compared compared to the sleep paralysis gang who was like, it's real and it's fucking horrifying. It's not great. If you Google it, the main images are cartoons of these monsters lurking over your bed. Like sitting on your chest. My friend was telling me, she's like, you can feel the pressure on you. You can feel the presence in the room, and you can't move. I think that's like a ghost. I don't think that's super houses.

What are you talking about? But you're not asleep. No, you are asleep. You are asleep, but then you kind of can gain consciousness. It's not fun. When I'm sleepwalking, I'm asleep, but I kind of know what's going on. You're just stuck. The first time, I was like 11 or 12, and it was in my childhood home, obviously.

And I have these steps like i lived on the second floor i had these steps that came up to my room specifically which was great when i started smoking but before that not so much and i thought like there was like i could see like a shadowy figure figure right outside like the blinds on like the top step so i thought it was an alien naturally of course and i couldn't couldn't move at all and so like i also couldn't yell for help like it's just i got it like last week too and i had to wake up my girlfriend she had no idea what was going on because i can't yell how do you wake her up though like it's just like a very faint like like that's all you can do

like that's the most of it. I can't move my body. How long does it feel like it lasts? It feels like it lasts an eternity. It's not great. Here's the thing. This happens to me one time, I'm killing myself. I can't risk that ever again.

I cannot risk this happening a second time. Tyler barely sleeps because he missed a text way back when. That's what I'm saying. If there's a spirit presence in his room, it's no fun. That noise. So yeah, don't get that if you can try. Seriously.

Mother's Day is just around the corner. I love my mom. You probably love your mom. I don't know. Feidelberg. I don't know. Do you love your mom? Yeah, totally.

She's my executive assistant. That's right. If it wasn't for my mom, I'd be so dead. So you're going to get her some berries. Yeah, definitely. Sherry's Berries is the most delectable, delicious gift for Mother's Day. It's not just something you can look at. It's not just something that's going to go up on the wall or in the closet.

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You know what? Maybe I'm going to get something for your mother. Hey. Hey. What the fuck's that all about? I'm going to get something for your mother. Hey. Hey. What the fuck is that all about? I'm just saying. I appreciate your mom.

Happy Mother's Day, Polly. How weird would that be if she was like, John Henry, Kevin sent me a Mother's Day gift. It would be really weird. And I just sent you like a winky face. Yeah, that's right, bitch. I got your mother a gift. So go to berries.com now, B-E-R-R-I-E-S.com. Click on the mic in the right upper corner and enter the code KFC.

You will get the freshly dipped strawberries for just $19.99. And if you want to double up the number of berries, it's just $10 more. So go to berries.com, click on the mic in the upper right corner, enter the code KFC, get berries for just $20, and you can double it for $10 more. All right. What do we got? I also just knee-jerk want to disagree with Amin on all things.

Hey, what's up, guys? Second time, long time. So I was watching the Barstool Awards on Facebook Live, and the connection kind of just cut out after, like, less than 30 minutes. So I have kind of a hypothetical slash question for you. What would you do if all of a sudden everyone's phone and internet just stopped working? Like no one can even power up their computer, no one can get on their phone.

Basically like what happened during Y2K or what was supposed to happen during Y2K, like what would you guys do in that situation? Thanks, boys. I mean, I think I'm probably going to kill myself again. Yeah. Sleep paralysis and the end of,

like, the internet. Like, if I can't tweet about the world ending, then what's even the point, man? What's all this for?

I'm waiting for the world to end now just so I can get these tweets off about it. If I can't even do that, just come take me. Correct. The,

if Y2K ever actually happened, I actually have a buddy who, he was telling me he's got, like, younger people at his office now. And he's the oldest person without kids. So he's who the young people talk to.

Bridges the gap. Yeah. And he said they came up to him the other day and they were like, hey, man, what was Y2K like? And he's like, that's when I was like, Jesus fucking Christ. Gather around, kids. But at the same time, he's like, I remember, though. Yeah. Yo, Y2K was a wild time.

Wild, dude. I remember I was so mad at Y2K New Year's Eve because I was like 12, and I was old enough to be like, no, drinking is cool, but too young to even be sneaking drinks. Yeah. And I was like, I just wish this was happening when I was like 18. That was a chance to party like it was the end of the world. I mean, so I was probably what, like

15 then? Something like that? I mean, we were drinking, but we weren't partying at the end of the world because it was weird. Like everybody knew it was like, we're gonna be fine. But like, at 11.59 I was like, wait a minute. Yeah, we're probably like, your microwave's gonna explode it could happen though my hockey coach at the time was like a

tech guy too and so he would always be leaving practice like he had like he had like a beeper when it was like you get a beeper you got to be here because yeah like we're planning for y2k for like the months leading up to it so we'd always just like end up having like free skates at practice because our coach'd have to leave and go do shit and i was like, the months leading up to it. So, like, we'd always just, like, end up having, like, free skates at practice because our coach would have to leave and go do shit. And I was like, save the world. I was like, if coach has to leave. As a kid, like, your coach is, like, the most important person in, like, your life.

Like, coach is important. If he's getting called away to do stuff, like, this is the real deal. This is, like, this word's some shit right now. Was it, did nothing happen because nothing happened or nothing happened because we, like, fixed it before it happened? You know? Like, the whole thing that was explained to me me was like, oh, the computers are just, they can't count that high? Yeah.

These are some shit computers. It's like, come on. They go back to 1900. Yeah. Zero, zero. We only used the last two years. We never thought ahead to be like, oh, in 2000, we're going to have to need more numbers. But I also, they were like, well, it'll think it's 1900 and all of the nuclear weapons will launch.

I was like, well, why would that happen? That seems a little ridiculous. It seems like my computer just won't know the date. Why is it going to be a nuclear holocaust? It was pretty fixable. It was like 1900, just like Dwight Eisenhower was like, yeah, 12 a.m. Yeah, that seems like a little dramatic. But, yeah, if you weren't around for it, I don't think you can convey how weird it was.

Like, there was hysteria, but then everyone kind of knew it was okay. Did your parents get supplies? I don't think so. I think my parents were just drinking. My parents are kind of like me. They're like, if it happens, we're done. Yeah, a can of beans ain't going to stop you. Again, nuclear weapons going all over the place.

I'll tell you what. I've been on a bit of a reading kick recently. Oh. And so if I – School boy over here. So if I had to, like, go back – because I read every night now instead of, like, bringing my laptop to bed. That's why you're having nightmares. Breaking your schedule, man.

I read comedy books, but, like, I, like – Comedy books? What is a comedy book? It's a comedy book. Like, funny books. 101 Jokes? Dr. Seuss? Just Godfield?

Just strips? Just funny books. Funny books? Old family circus. If we lost all TVs and all computers, we'd all sleep a lot more. I read like a page and I'm out. I go to bed on my laptop, I watch a whole season of The Office. I go to sleep with a book.

I am like half a page in toast. These funny books sound like they stink. Yeah, they do. Well, Kanye's a big Dilbert guy now, so I tested it right in on that. Did he say that today? No, he posted that whole video of the guy because the Dilbert guy is super alt-right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so Kanye posted the guy was like, oh, Kanye's a genius now.

And so Kanye was just breaking down his video on his Twitter feed. What do you think of Kanye being basically down with Trump? And was the other girl Candace something? Candace Owens? Yeah, that sounds right. She's super conservative too, right? To say the least. I feel like people are not happy about that. He had a funny tweet today about it where he said, my wife just called right. She's like super conservative too, right? To say the least. I feel like people are not happy about that.

He had a funny tweet today about it where he said, my wife just called me. She wants to make it clear. Yeah, cool it, bro. I don't agree with everything Trump says. I don't agree with anything anyone says 100% except me. Flex. That's strong.

I mean, anyone thinks that. I don't agree with anyone 100% except me. But just to lead in with, like, my wife says to say. Right. Your wife is Kim Kardashian, not just any old wife. He went on, like, a 20-tweet rant just being like, I don't even care about the politics. I just like this guy. And it's like, all right.

That's not really how it works. Ebro from Hot 97 with Rosenberg, I did an interview with him, was, like, pulling no punches. Just being like, you're just, like just aligning with conservative, rich, white people because that's what they want to see you do, and you're doing it for the money. And I was like, damn, I don't think anybody talks to Kanye that way. What did Kanye say? I actually didn't hear it.

When was this? Recently, within the past week or so. I was listening to Ebro recap it. So he had his phone out and was kind of just going through it. And he actually went hard. He was like, you're cooning for cash. Kanye was like, one of his latest tweets was like,

Ebro, I love you. It's all good. He made some jab, though. He was like, but my interview with Charlamagne was the greatest of all time. I'm making fun of myself. I saw that tweet. I didn't know what it was. I saw that, too. Ebro was basically just calling him out. Some people may be getting all fed up with the Kanye shtick. Who knows?

Not me. Hey, KFC Fights. First time caller, long time listener. Just wanted to pose an interesting question. So recently there have been a lot of memes and whatnot on the internet asking if Wyoming exists. Now, I only know of one person that's actually been to Wyoming, and her story is skeptical. Skeptical at best.

Does Wyoming exist, and where's the proof? Thanks. Honestly, this is like the world being flat. Like, you can tell me, and you can show me pictures, you can show me a map. I have no of my own personal tangible evidence telling you that wyoming exists it's not in the bible go go carl carl everett style carl everett though dinosaurs weren't in the bible it's not in the bible i mean i'm all in on this i love it i kind of like it i feel like anytime i fly i just like we're all 30 minutes apart.

New York and Atlanta are 30 minutes apart. I just fly in the air for four hours and then touchdown. So I can see the vision. I mean, like, all those states. Yeah. I think the problem with this is limiting it to Wyoming. Right. There are a lot of states that don't exist.

Both Dakotas. Both Dakotas. There's about 32 states. Yeah. If that, man. If you're not a lot of states that don't exist. Both Dakotas. Both Dakotas. There's about 32 states. Yeah. If that, man. If you're not on water, you probably don't exist. Yeah, that's it.

If you're not touching water, it's probably not real. It's just like some Bermuda Triangle I remember freshman year of college, a kid I became friends with was from Ohio

and had never seen the ocean. And I brought him to the ocean. I just went to fucking Jersey, went to the Atlantic Ocean. And he was him to the ocean. I just went to fucking Jersey, went to the Atlantic Ocean. And he was like a little child. He ran into it and was like frolicking in it like fucking Rocky and Apollo. And he was like, this is amazing. I was like, you're a fucking grown-ass adult.

Clean this shit up, man. That's the ocean. I asked Trent if he had ever seen the ocean. He had to take a long pause. Yeah, well, he hadn't seen it. Not until I was an adult. You didn't either? You haven't either? Not until I was an adult. You didn't either? You haven't either? Not until I was an adult.

Did you frolic? Did I? Did I? You're not that far from the water, though, are you? George is on the water, isn't it?

He just never went. How far is Atlanta from the water? Like four hours. That's far enough. Definitely far enough. We're only going four hours. I mean, I'm clowning on this, dude,

but if I was landlocked in the middle of the country, I would definitely not foresee the ocean. A natural wonder four hours away? Pass. Nah, I'm all set. Anything four hours away? Pass. Yeah, but anyway, so Wyoming doesn't exist.

Definitely not. Montana, though, isn't that where all the celebrities go these days? Yeah, it's where Brady's got a place. Isn't that where Kanye was doing his thing? No, Kanye was in Wyoming. I thought it was all Montana. Even more than it does exist. He's in one of those states.

I think he's in all of them at once. To me, I just think it's Colorado. I believe Colorado exists. So that whole region. I can't confirm Colorado. Yeah, that to me is like... It's shaky. It's all Colorado.

Yeah, it's like back in the day when there was territories and they were just massive. That's just the Colorado territory. It's that whole fucking thing. There's mountains in Colorado. Isn't that all the Louisiana purchase? Yeah, that's just the Colorado territory. It's that whole fucking thing. There's mountains in Colorado. Isn't that all the Louisiana purchase? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. We got that for like a quarter. Yeah, what a deal that was.

You ever hear that Ted Turner did some shit where he bought up so much land he could ride his horse from his house in Montana to his house in Phoenix or some shit like that? Yeah, and it was all his. That's fake state shit. Yeah, it is. Big time fake. You can't just buy up that much land. This is America in the 2000s.

Wasn't that like last year YP was talking about that treasure hunt? Big time pick. You can't just buy that much land. This is America in the 2000s. Wasn't that like last year YP was talking about that treasure hunt that some guy had just been having going on? What's going on with that, by the way? Clearly no one's found it. He would have been talking about it nonstop. Wait, what treasure? Some old man hid a diesel treasure and left a very hard map behind with clues, like three people have died trying to find it. It's just in the middle of the country. Yeah.

Because it's just like poof, it's hard. It's in Wyoming. I know, I was saying I think he's just trolling everybody. Just wants to watch the world burn.

Because it's not even money it's like historical like artifacts and stuff that like value. It's like Indiana Jones shit. Yeah, value. Anything that I have to resell I don't.

Even like jewels and gold. Like I just, give me cash. Yeah. Fucking bucket of cash. We got a question here not too long ago. How much do you think a state costs? How much is a state worth? Wyoming, if it exists.

Bezos just wanted to just buy us. Yeah, right. You could tell me that it's like $30 million. You could tell me that it's like $30 trillion. You could tell me any number. I'd be like, all right, yeah. Rhode Island, that's worth like $250 grand. I don't know. But Wyoming, if it is real, $0. We did like the GDP of. I'd be like, alright, yeah. Rhode Island, that's worth like $250,000. But Wyoming,

if it is real, $0. We did like the GDP of California or something like that, right? We found that out. Yeah, California's like the fifth biggest country in the world. It's crazy. Yeah, I believe that. Well, Silicon Valley is. They got a couple bucks over there. And don't they grow like all our food? And it's just massive.

It's like, you know, a huge piece of the whole coast. Yeah. And it's just massive. It's like, you know, a huge piece. The whole coast, yeah. Hey, KFC. Bye, Superproduce PC. We got a question for you. We got crazy friends. Let us know what you think.

Okay, so me and my friend here would consider ourselves like pretty normal girls, chill pretty easygoing but we've been hearing a lot of stories lately about our friends who are being like super crazy girls like shit down the stairs for like no goddamn reason like we don't even know why johnson that's totally normal like i've been with my boyfriend for, like, four years. She's been with her for, like, two. Like, we don't know. We're, like, pretty chill, like, well off. But should we be, like, crazy girls?

Like, how do we get the attention? Okay, that's all you had to say. That's all you had to say. How do we get the attention? Push your button around the corner. That was amazing. How do they do that, Matt? They're giving crazy grand gestures.

How do we get these grand gestures? Shouldn't we be crazy? The playbook's out there. You're reading it to us. Yeah, I mean, it sounds like you know exactly what to do, girls. How do we get the attention? We recently became The number one feminist podcast

On the planet And we get a lot of Sorority girls now She said they So they're not crazy Throw somebody shit down The other girls Are like throwing

Their boyfriend's shit Down the hallway That's child's play That is mild insanity Yeah But it makes sense So like that happens Everything's like

Crazy and dramatic Then those same guys Are like I'll send you Flowers at work Or I'll, you know, take you out and do something special. Whereas these other girls, these other guys are like, oh, my God. It's just, like, normal to me. You got to be able to back that up. Like, I don't have that kind of dick. I can't act like that.

Yeah, that's true. You got to be able to back that up. Yeah, I feel you there. I mean, I'm not going to, you know, sit here And tell these girls To go be assholes To their boyfriends I can't do that to my guys But like I mean if you want the attention

You gotta ask you not about it though Yeah that's true The girls that are doing the stuff They didn't ask nobody Those girls You like grab a bunch of clothes And you're like You like throw it down the hallway

Yeah You gotta like What are you doing You gotta try and stab me. Yeah. Like set some shit on fire. You gotta. While I'm asleep.

I can tell. I can very clearly tell. I can sniff it out. Oh this is an act? Or like. Yeah. Oh this is you. Yeah.

And if it's an act I just get annoyed by it. I'm like stop. This isn't you. This isn't a bear hug. You're not being yourself. Or I could be like she might kill me tonight.

And then. I think I love her. And if I think you might kill me tonight, I'll get you a ring. You got flowers coming your way. I promise you that. You got a shitload of fucking flowers. You got a nice dinner coming your way. This is like anything, man.

Just to stave off my eventual murder. This is like, you know, at work. Like, you know, they say the squeaky wheel gets the oil. Like, everybody who complains gets the fucking raise and the attention. The crazy girls get the grand gestures. Everyone is just normal. You're just going to be like, I'm not going to go out of my way. You're normal. I'm normal.

And rather than just sit around and have a normal relationship, we got these girls being like, go on the attention. That was so perfect. So perfect. How do we get the attention? Set some shit on fire. Threaten me with a sharp object. Say you like you'll kill my mom. Yeah, kidnap her. like you'll kill my mom.

Yeah, kidnap her. Yeah, kidnap her. Take my mom. Cause an international incident. Like, you need three Grand Theft Auto stars. Like, do some shit that's going to get you three stars. You don't need the helicopters out. My mom holding, like, today's newspaper. All right, all right. I'll play ball.

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It was a shot from home plate. You saw the whole fucking, no, there was like literally nobody there. Nice stadium too. You hate this game. Yeah man. Aren't you a Reds guy?

I was a Reds guy. You were a Reds guy? Tyler abandoned all of his teams. Correct. Currently total free agent? Except Kentucky. And that's going to add in soon, too. It's on the ropes.

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And you know you're going to get in the building and see your favorite acts. Download the free app. Promo code KFC today for $10 off your first purchase. Last voicemail. What do we got? Hey, KFC. Any fights? Love you guys. Love the show. A little background. About two years ago, my ceiling lights went out in my room,

and from that point on, I would just use my closet light as the light for my room. Naturally. That went out about one year ago, and I still haven't changed it. I just put a lamp in my room. Just a question for you guys. What is the laziest thing that you guys do that is just easily fixable? Thank you. That's a great question.

First of all, what he does, I think every guy does. I mean, I wouldn't even move the lamp, and I think I would just live in the darkness. See, I just open my blinds. Yeah, you use sunlight, and I use my iPhone flashlight. I don't do anything in my room that needs light. Well, I guess I read now. You get up to it. Yeah, okay. How many more times?

He just wants the attention. I'd go back to laptop. That would be that. I don't do anything in my room. I don't even get dressed in my room. I don't even think you have a room. Your room is in Wyoming, probably. Like Wyoming, I've seen his room.

The laziest thing you do at Disney. I did it once. I did it so extensively, this, where I knew this was an apartment three years ago. I still live in Boston. And I knew how many functioning light bulbs I had. And I knew how many months I had until I was moving. And I was like, I'm getting through this. Rotate them? I would be moving light bulbs I had, and I knew how many months I had until I was moving. And I was like, I'm getting through this. Rotate them?

And I would just be moving light bulbs. You just keep it on your keychain? I have right now the main light in my bathroom is out, and one light in my living room is out. Those won't be getting through. I got a thing when I first walk in my house that's like those light bulbs that look like a candle flame. I don't know where to get those.

That's it. That's dead. That's broken. Dude, there's so many lazy things. I'll go. I'll do. I did this last night on the couch where I was using my iPad. That got down to 2%, ran that battery dry, went back to the phone.

That died. I just went to bed. If only there was something I could do there's nothing left for me here I didn't even get above the couch

I just closed my eyes well I guess the day's over God's telling me something I think mine is dishes like I will I'll take mad dirty dishes put them in the dishwasher

and be like looking for like a bowl of cereal and I'll eat it off a plate or something all my bowls are dirty yeah i was gonna say i'll do i i got the dishwasher it cleans it then i have a couple more dishes and i just put that with the clean shit run it again put a couple more in eventually i'll take it out yeah like it's just like the dishwasher is just like a big shelf

yeah yeah you know people like unloading the dishwasher is stupid to me. It's like I'll just live it. Yeah, I'll just take it out of there. And then when it's all empty, you fill it back up again. Cabinets are stupid. Very stupid. They only have one function. Like the same thing with clothes.

If I have it in a laundry basket, I'll just take shit out of the laundry basket. Why am I going to put it into a drawer? Yeah, I do that. I also do the clothes when they're dirty. Don't wash my clothes. In the winter, I'm pretty good with it Where like I Will Like I'll walk to

I walk to work in the winter Which is opposite You'd think I'd walk to work In the summer It's too hot in the summer To walk So I walk to work in the winter It's a whole thing

And You don't even sweat What do you mean? I will in the summer Here It's so fucking gross here It is It's true

Terrible So like Walking to work I'll walk by Like a laundromat And I'll just drop my laundry off. So in the winter, I'm pretty good with clothes. In the summer, since I'm traveling every single weekend.

Yeah, just like two t-shirts and a pair of shorts for the whole summer. Yeah, I'll have no clean underwear for a month straight. I'll just be not wearing underwear. So if you catch Fidelberg in the summer, you know that his dick and balls are like one seersucker level away from you. That's it. I don't wear seersucker anymore. Don't put That's it. I don't wear a seersucker. Don't put that on me. Anymore.

That was high school John. High school John. The worst John of all. That's the worst picture I've ever seen. Ever. We'll put it up on Twitter. It's the worst. It's so bad.

It is bad. It's tough. I will use the last of my deodorant, throw it in the garbage, and take it out of the garbage like five days in a row. Scraping it on. I have bleeding on the arm. That's not doing anything. I'm not sweating. I'm bleeding.

It's fine. No big deal. I'm trying to think. Lights. I'll just leave all the lights on. I'll do it with clothes, too. Like if I put something in the dryer. If it gets wrinkled instead of iron, I'll just wash it and dry it again.

Yeah, done. Start the whole process off. Oh, I'll do that. If, like, when I pick up my laundry at a laundromat and it's, like, a T-shirt that had, like, a crease or something like that, I'll start right back in the laundromat. Fold that better next time, CC. All right. Thank you for coming through Mixtape. You can find them on Twitter, Mixtape Show.

You can download their show on iTunes. Anything else you want to tell the people? Have a good day. You got it? Or don't. I don't want to put you in a box. Let's get into this interview with Jim O'Hare. It's brought to you by ZipRecruiter.

We are looking for interns. We're going to's brought to you by ZipRecruiter. We are looking for interns. We're going to put up our posting on ZipRecruiter because it's the best way to fill any position for any company, any business, to find the right people. That's the best way to do it. The idea of just posting a job and waiting for people to see it, that's ridiculous. It's 2018. ZipRecruiter, they go out and they find the people for you. They knew there was a smarter way to do it, so they built a platform that finds the right job candidates for you. It identifies the people with the right experience.

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That's right, for free. Just go to ZipRecruiter.com slash KFC, and you can start trying to find your hire today for free. ZipRecruiter.com slash KFC. It's ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Okay. All right. We got in the flesh, live in the building and studio with us.

Jim O'Hare is here. You know him as Jerry, Larry, all sorts of – Gary, Jerry, Larry. From Parks and Rec. And he's now here joining us at Barstool HQ. What's up, man? Great to be here, you guys. For those who don't know what goes on around here, can I give the dirt?

Sure can, please. Give the inside look. Here's the dirt. You get off the elevator, and there's this big space. You look around. Everybody's beautiful, and everybody has just hit puberty. So they're all very young. And then there is this beautiful blonde girl, Casey, who sits in kind of the front desk.

Yep, rocket ship. That's what you want to see when the door's open. And then another dude is in a lounger with his computer. Big lazy boy, yep. Big lazy boy. So I don't really know what goes on here. I'm going to apply. I'm actually going to fill out an application.

I'm probably 30 years too old for this place. No, we're trying to branch out. We're trying to get – we have a lot of guys. There's a lot of guys here. A lot of dudes. Dude heavy. A lot of balls. A lot of sack. Yeah, a lot of sack. There's a lot of guys here. A lot of balls.

A lot of sack. That's our new tagline. Barstool Sports. A lot of sack. Lots of sack. It just has such a great vibe. Such a great feel. Yeah, there's some energy in here.

It's more of a tension than energy, I feel like. But they both create the same. More of a tension. That's great. Well, you know, when you live, like, cameras are constantly on. Everybody's trying to one-up each other. Everyone's trying to make fun of each other. Which I heard is kind of a reality show thing going on. Yeah, I mean, it's definitely a fishbowl type of thing where, you know, if you pick your

nose and you eat it, you're definitely going to be broadcast out to the world. Are we on camera right now? We are recording there, yeah. So, yeah. As he picks his nose. Oh! I'll go there, people. I will go there.

That was sexual, my friend. That was strangely sexual. And here's another thing. Oh, my God. My pelvis is going to kill me because I've done this before and he's like, that's gross. I have a huge tongue. Like, shockingly huge. Let this thing out.

Is it going to go below your chin? I feel this is the room to share this. We call this in the Bermuda Triangle because we think that nothing ever leaves this room. We don't consider the fact that we're broadcasting to hundreds of thousands of people. The odds are no one's listening. Whatever you say in here stays here. Just a little information I've had on both of you. No one's listening.

No, but it feels like a very fun vibe that I feel like I need to share this with this room. Yeah, that. So it's not super long. Is it girthy? It's kind of girthy. It's girthy. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. It's still going. It's still going. Oh, my God. And then for the ladies. Now, I know you at home are horrified. You don't know what's happening. But it's like a slab of meat hanging in a deli.

It looks like a sea creature of some sort. Like a clam coming out. I was going to say Christmas ham. And then, you know, the little treat for the ladies at the end there. I know how to, yeah. It was like a dispenser or like a magic trick. The, what was it, fruit roll-up. Not fruit roll-up.

Fruit by the foot. Yeah, just kept on rolling. Years ago, there was a place called The Roxy in Chicago, and we used to perform there. And we would do a bit where we would do Space Odyssey music to that, and I would slowly roll out my tongue, and then as the, dun-dun, and people, ah! How do you even talk or put food in there? I know. Oh, well, I managed to put food in there.

That was a fat joke, wasn't it? That was a fat joke. He is on my ass, I'll tell you. Can you do one of these smoothies? One of these, like, I can't do that. I know what you're doing. I think mine's too fat for that. Yeah, I think it is too.

Mine's just too lame. It's got a lame tongue. It's got a fucking lame ass tongue. Well, it's been great, guys. Anyway, I'll see you later. But as you came in here, the running, I think, maybe running joke or maybe just real story is that you also got a hammer down below as well. You know the Irish Catholic.

That's what we're known for. We are known for hitting that hammer hard. I can give you 18 seconds that you will not forget. Well, I just watched something recently, and it truly wasn't a comedy or anything, and she's like, oh, we made love for three hours. Three hours? Three hours. Oh, my God.

I've had sandwiches. I've had drinks. I've had television. What are you... Three hours? No, three minutes. My God. There's other stuff to do. My God.

Five years, maybe I hit three hours. Yeah, I was going to say, you add it all up. You add it all up. Yeah, you add it all up. You add it all up. Yeah, you add it all up. Yeah. Yeah. Boy. Oh, I know your special guest.

That's a shame. No, this is perfect. This is our ideal guest. This is what we do on the show. We'd rather do it this way. This is just the tip of the iceberg. We'll get it done. Oh, Lord.

So you, you know, everybody affectionately knows you from Parks and Rec. Yeah. I feel like there's, I feel like community and Parks and Rec are like, there's like a blood feud between you guys. I always think of them as like- No, I think it's The Office. The Office. The Office and Parks and Rec is more-

It's definitely more The Office. The thing about Community was, because, you know, we knew, you know, I know all those actors. They were in a different, they were in a different world than we were in. Parks and Rec was, Mike Schur and Gregreg daniels created us it was an offshoot from the office nbc basically said give us a reboot you know a spinoff kind of thing even though they never really wanted that to be the case but we had these amazing guys running us and so we for seven years had laughter and love for 125 episodes. Community, those poor folks.

There were times they were 20-hour days. Now, I know you're like, well, that's a long time. That's a long time. I know one of the actresses, on one week alone, she bought a new car on her overtime. Wow. That's the kind of craziness that was going on there. We're talking a sitcom. Yeah.

Yeah. We're not curing cancer here. We're talking about a sitcom. We had Joel McHale in here two days ago. Oh, he lived it. Yeah. Did he give stories? No, Joel McHale really flipped the script on us,

and he just turned us, he interviewed us. Oh, there you go. I think Joel McHale's a wizard. It was crazy how he was. All of a sudden it's over, and you're like, wait a minute. He was nailing our personalities. He read us like a book it was great

it was really uncomfortable but yeah he was like alright dude how do you know all of this you're just guessing but somehow you're nailing it but no there was a story

about how he played Chevy Chase in the Netflix movie he did and they obviously didn't get along too well nobody got along with Chevy it seemed like and yeah it seemed like

a definitely that was a labor to get that show out there well I mean literally whenever you talk to someone who was on there how was your chevy experience because in general that much of a pain in the ass huh have you had any experience with him i have one experience with him that i didn't really it wasn't my i was there for it we were at um parks won a um best comedy some comedy award. So we all came to New York. And when you win that many, it's just you forget.

I have so many awards. So we were all there. You have an Emmy, too, right? I do have an Emmy. But I digress. Yes, no. So we're all at this table, and it was some of the Parks cast, and Tina was Tina Fey because she was up for, I think, 30 Rock.

However it was. So Tina sat with us because her and Amy. And so Chevy and Joel got up and did some, I guess Chevy was trying to do improv. Improv is one of those things you've got to nail it or you're the asshole. And you also have to have talent for it. That's true, too. It was one of those where you don't know whether to shit or wind your watch. You're like, what is going on?

And you don't know if there's a camera on you, so you always have to be. Yeah. But we're all doing the under the table thing. What's happening? Oh, no, this isn't good. This isn't good. This isn't good. And yet, wonderful.

Really wonderful. They had the wonderful. Yeah. Really wonderful. They had the story come out from Caddyshack just the other day where it was a breaking news. Not a breaking news, but a big shock. Not a shock either. The set of Caddyshack was fueled by cocaine for like six years. Yeah, no fucking shit. We get it. We get it.

You had a, what was it, a gopher coming out. We get it. Yes. There was a lot of cocaine involved in that. Yes. Makes perfect sense. So now you're working on, with Scary Mommy, you're doing this Lullaby League, which hits close to home for me.

You have babies? I got two kids. I got a two-year-old. So you're straight? Yeah. How about that? Shock of the century. Shock of the century. Shock of the century.

I take that as a compliment, sir. I don't care, but who would have thought that? Who would have thought that, Kevin? I just assumed you were a couple. I like it. I like that. Let's go. Take that as a compliment, my friend. Again, no judgment. In fact, I was offended you only thought he was gay. No, dude. I read you a mile away. My God, you floated was offended you only thought he was gay. No, dude.

I read you a mile away. My God, you floated across that room. You didn't walk. No, no, no. You lifted yourself. You were just, no, I just assumed you met at a bathhouse somewhere and stayed together. But no, huh? In a perfect way.

The movie, yes, that's how we put it into the movie. In the Hollywood script, that's how it goes. No, but so you have babies. Yeah, I got a two-year-old, two and change, and about nine months. Oh, you would be perfect for this show. Yeah. And so they both are good sleepers now, but it's all thanks to me serenading them. So I have an original. Do you sing to your kids?

I do. Oh, that's cool. So I always call my daughter Shay nicknames that always rhyme. So I call her Snoozy Susie or Cranky Frankie or Growny Joanie. And so I don't know. Horry Bory. I don't know. Fatsy Fatsy.

Slutty Wutty. Yeah, no, I get it. Yeah, sure. Yeah, you're a good dad. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. It's just wasist. I don't know.

I don't know. So I don't even know how that came about. But all of a sudden it kind of turned into a lullaby, and I've been singing it to both of them ever since. So the lullaby league kind of, I'm like, I see, so the premise is you have five acapella groups, and they all are going to compete to see who can get a baby and fall asleep the fastest. It's a timed event to get a baby to sleep, and the way they did it would surprise me, because when I got involved, it was just, I love acapella. I love

barbershop, like I love those, because I have no talent for it. The Pitch Perfect series, the trilogy, the acapella king over here, I love it. And the way they can make it sound like a whole band is there. I know. Just by whatever the hell they're doing. It really is magic. So, huge fan of that. Not so

much a fan of babies. No, they're the worst. They're the worst. They're the worst. They're assholes. I mean, they want all your attention. Clean up my shit. We'll go to hell. Who the hell are you? Costs so much goddamn money.

So much. Come on. You know what? Throw them a bag of kibble and let's go to a movie. Put them in a cage and let's go. Oh, and the police get involved when you don't do stuff. Oh, God. Then you get this thing on your ankle. Whatever. Shit happens. Don't and the police get involved when you don't do stuff. Oh, God. Then you get this thing on your ankle.

Whatever. Shit happens. Don't judge me. You of all people don't judge me. I've read shit about you. No, but it really is. So I love acapella. And so this was presented to me through the Scary Mommy people.

And so I didn't really know what to expect myself. But we went to these people's homes. This was not in a studio. There was no – we wanted it in their atmosphere. So these babies went to their crib or to whatever their sleeping setup was. Hidden cameras were put in the room, which sounds terrible. This whole premise does sound a little terrible because it's like, and then we let them wail and cry. We stabbed them with needles until they were upset.

And I swear to you, because I was like, do we need to get this back? No. No babies were harmed. We put some cigarettes out on them and we let them go. But that I would do anyway. So that had nothing to do with the show. I mean, you got to get rid of it. Oh, baby got a bump.

Oh, that's a shame. I'm joking, people. No, but so I didn't know how it would work either. But so the babies, you know, and some are fussy. And I would interview the moms and dads with the baby at first. And I would interview the acapella groups. And they let me be, you know, I think you can judge. I'm a little smart-alecky and silly.

So they let me do that. They let me be me with all these people, and that was fun. But the killer is as much as I think, okay, well, I'm going to – this baby, I'm going to be a little more snarky or something. The minute you put a baby in your hands, I mean, it is all – Melt. You melt. It's, I think, human nature. I don't think we can help it.

I love that you were just planning on picking up this baby and being like, fuck you. Hey, listen, asshole. You are not nearly as pretty as the other babies. Everybody says you're cute. Which I think a kid should learn early. Not every baby is cute. They say everybody is cute. I was just saying that today.

Today there was a story that came out. Georgetown Preschool in Massachusetts. A little girl is in trouble because she called someone her best friend. And they don't want to do that. They want to teach inclusion. And I was like, you got to learn that most of this world fucking hates you. Absolutely. You're ugly.

You're a loser. Nobody likes you. When I walk down the street, if people come by me with strollers, I'll just go, eh, about a four. You got about a four. Could be better. Could be better. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I bet your husband's ugly. You're cute. You must have a mess of a husband. Did you ever see the Seinfeld episode when they go to see the baby? See the baby. And literally, that's out there. But what's amazing, and this again is human nature, parents see their beautiful baby. And the kid will be beautiful.

Who cares what a kid looks like? You get like baby blindness, you know? Yes, and you should. I told people, I told my friends, I was like, tell me straight up because I'm not going to be able to see it. Tell me if my kid's ugly. I need to know. I've got to start prepping now. I'll get her makeup.

Did they lie to you or what happened? Yeah, they lied to me. They told me she's good looking. Does she have a pretty wife? Kevin does, yes. Oh, so he could have a good looking baby. Good to know. Got mom's looks.

Got mom's looks, so we're good to go on that department. So it was very much the baby was in the baby's atmosphere and then these groups come in and some of the groups even created songs for the babies like you were saying i know how that goes you do originals you know that's the way to do it yeah and then and the music is so again i happen to love this style so the acapella and that kind of thing so now all the songs you can buy them on spotify or itunes and all them no but all the songs, you can buy them on Spotify or iTunes. No, but all the money's going to March for Our Lives. So it's all for charity. And I'm telling you, when you hear these songs... But you kind of lost some of those positions.

No, don't worry. I'm sneaking... We're not on the... I'm taking 89% off the top. But that stays here. That stays in this room. No, but seriously, the money goes to March for Our Lives, which of course is awesome. But these songs are so catchy that, you know.

But there were times, because the baby doesn't just go to sleep like this. And because it's literally a competition. So it was up to the parents to tell us when that kid's out. Because you would know when your kid's out. I could think your kid's out, and your kid all of a sudden standing up on the rail. For sure. So it was always up to, and the parent was almost never wrong. Like when they said, that's it.

Because usually it's like, all right, open up the bottle. Now we can hit the bottle like we're good. You know when you're off the clock. Run to the store, get another condom because we got a free eight minutes. So let's get moving. So it's a competition show, so then week after week, different a cappella groups, and at the end it comes down to two groups.

And the winner gets a recording session, and the final episode is very sweet, and they're so excited, and the parents are thrilled. The baby stopped. If there's a season two, I'd like to throw my hat in the ring. Do you mind if we do a little rendition for you?

You can judge it. Oh, go for it. You're going to sing? Yeah, we'll sing a little bit of it. Just so you know, I had a lot to drink last night. I'm a little nauseous. So be careful how you do this. Just be careful.

Just throwing that out there. I'm going to have to pretend no one's watching or looking here. So this song is called Snoozy Susie, okay? Oh, no, he's singing with me. Get the fuck out of here. I'm not doing this alone. He's singing with me. Okay.

I don't know all the words. Nervous. I want to do this in front of my two-year-old. Snoozy. I've heard she's stupid. Yeah, yeah. Snoozy Susie, don't you cry. Snoozy Susieie, don't you cry Snoozy, Susie, close those eyes Close those eyes and have a dream

Snoozy, Susie, don't you scream Cranky, Frankie, go away Cranky, Frankie, please don't stay Close those eyes and go to sleep Cranky, Frankie, don't you Close those eyes And go to sleep Cranky Frankie Don't you weep Gentlemen Yeah

Wow I was gonna keep going We could keep going No no no I think we got it No no no I think we got it Yeah yeah yeah

Kill me kill me Right now please I fucked up only like three times So that was pretty good Okay This is exactly Why this show works Because that's's what you do for your kid. And I have no doubt it totally soothes them.

And honestly, now she's like pushing two and a half, and she can kind of sing it back to me. She starts to know the words, and I was like, oh, God, I'm crying every time we start singing that. Yes. No, and you're awful. So the fact that we're bringing in people who actually sound good. No, but seriously, you guys sounded great. But no, no. We were doing a kind of an a cappella.

You were the bass part. You were the tenor-y kind of thing. Again. You should see. You're a couple. You're a couple. I mean, let's get this. He's the bottom.

I'm the top. We're good. Oh, of course. Power bottom. No one's ever the bottom. Yes, everyone. Even gay men know I'm a top. Okay. Well, who cares? Someone's got. He's the bottom. I'm the top. We're good. Oh, of course. Power bottom. No one's ever the bottom. Yes, everyone. Even gay men know I'm a top. Okay.

Well, who cares? Someone's got to be on the bottom. Someone's down there. Something's going on. My God. No, but the singing to the kids works. But in this case, it's a competition. And Scary Mommy, for-

I swear to God, if Scary Mommy mobilized, they could take over the world. I think they could do. I mean, the moms- 80 million views a month on all their different things. And they're all- 14 million unique- Moms were fucking nuts. Nuts.

Yeah. And they also do, it's not just funny. They're serious. Oh, yeah. They're covering the mom- Teach you how to be a parent. There's all- Exactly.

Yeah, big time. Yeah, yeah. My computer won't let me. Apparently, I have some police issues, so my computer can't go to the site. But I've heard some great things. I've heard some really great things. And people are quick to judge. I've learned that in life.

Touch one anyway. Anyway. So before you were commenting on what goes on in this office, and in honor of your character from Parks and Rec, we're going to run you through a couple of the stupidest things that people in our office have done and you let us know

if that's a move you would have pulled. Oh, okay. This is a Jerry move. This is a Jerry move. Jerry move. That's valid. Okay.

Our buddy Hank, handsome Hank we call him. He's not super handsome, but he got fired and just kept coming back Until he was rehired Just kept showing up Like you're fired

Get out of here It was a contentious firing Like my boss was like You have to tell me who It was a whole back story Tell me who snitched And he said I'm not telling you

And he said Well then you're fucking fired The next day He just shows up And he's like Hank I fired you I'm still here Next day

Just kept coming Kept coming Now he's like one of the number one producers here. Are you serious? That's a George Costanza movie. That's a total. You just can't fire me. If it happened to Jerry, it wouldn't be, he wouldn't

be planning it like, no, I'm just going to keep showing. He would think it was all just, they were, oh. No, that's what happened to Hank. Hank didn't understand. He didn't really get it. That would be Jerry. Yeah, like everything here is kind of like, are you serious? Am I really? Is this real?

Is this fake? Are we being filmed? So he shows up, and he doesn't have a job. And yet he just keeps showing up, and now he's a big producer. Now he's a hot shot here, yeah. He's been on TV. Now he's running this place. My God.

Lounge, chairs, hot ponds at the front. What the hell? It's a fun house, man. My gosh. Lounge, chairs, hot ponds at the front. What the hell? It's a fun house, man. My gosh. Okay. Oh, with that Jerry wood? Yes. That's a Jerry wood.

Absolutely. Another person at the company, they started this thing, Saturdays for the Boys. You might have heard of it. It's like a rallying cry for guys everywhere, Saturdays for the Boys. We do whatever we want. It's like a multi-million dollar brand, and they don't get residuals for it, but they're just like, ah, whatever, that's fine.

Oh, this is 100% Jerry. Jerry never got a raise in 30-something years. He never, and at one point there's an episode where literally it's revealed I make less than everyone, even April,

who's just been there a year. Jerry is less than That's embarrassing, right? I mean, imagine being that person in real life. Yeah, who's just been there a year, Jerry, his last name, That's embarrassing, right? I mean, imagine being that person in real life. Yeah, that's the worst. In Jerry's world,

well, this is when I get paid, this is when I come and do my job, and he's like, absolutely, Jerry. There was also the scene with Jerry where he,

With him? It's him. He's the one. Dude. No. Oh. That's a shame. It's a shame, yeah. It sucks. That's a way That's a shame yeah That's a way to put it

It fucking sucks Many millions of dollars later John's still just getting his regular old paycheck Because you told me you're at 2.5 now A year 2.5 million Yes exactly that So you're not near that Not near it no

Are you serious No I haven't gotten a pay decrease, though, which also Jerry got. Jerry got a decrease. But they looked at it and they realized, oh, no. Nope, pull it back. Okay. Well, it's fair, of course.

Fair is fair. Yeah. I forgot about that episode. What a character. It's great. We had another. We used to have a real shitty office. Not shitty like this.

For those at home, seriously, this is a great place. This used to be A real shitty office Not shitty like this For those at home Seriously This is a great place This used to be It was in Milton, Massachusetts It was like a two family house Really It wasn't like an office No it was a repurposed

Dentist office And we had squirrels Living in the walls And we were an internet company We remained an internet company And we used to lose The internet all the time Because squirrels

Would eat the wires They can't work today Squirrels ate the internet again Squirrel ran the joint It was a real shithole but we had the uh we had a a um air conditioner plugged in and we're trying to figure out how to fix it one of the idiot interns decided to stab it with scissors and solution it turned into like it turned into like a week-long debate about who had stabbed it, why they had stabbed it. Would Jerry stab? I don't think he would.

I got to tell you. Jerry's a lot of things, but he's not completely retarded. That is full-blown moronic. That is. You know what? I know we're not supposed to use the word retarded. Sometimes that word is absolutely spot on. And that is full-blown fucking retarded.

Scissors in an electrical unit. Put him in the toaster. Put him in the wall socket, you idiot. No, no, Jerry was not that. Because I think Jerry fixed things at home. I think he did things, yeah. We got two more for you.

Our guy YP here, he's made a couple of episodes, a couple of appearances on the show. He is quite a guy. But when he first moved here, he's made a couple of appearances on the show. He is quite a guy. But when he first moved here, he was too poor for his own good. He's our professional son of a bitch. Spielberg's been calling him out. It's between me and Pratt for this big time anyway. And I'm like, give it to Pratt, give it to Pratt.

My God. He's only got three, what are they called? The Marvel movies. The Marvel and Jurassic. Oh, yeah, Jurassic 2. Give it to Pratt. My God. So YP, when he first moved here, he took a job where he didn't make money, and it's New

York City. Moved from St. Louis. Rather important. And so he lived in the office. He lived right here. Didn't really tell anybody because people would come in at all hours and YP would still be here sleeping. He'd be like, oh, I'm working late. And then, oh, I got in early.

And then it was like, but wait, you never actually left. So it doesn't really count. Wow. Would Jerry do that? Now, he loved the job. He still works here. He, again, also like Hank, he's turned to a big star here. So you really can't get fired from this place.

No, it's impossible. It's absolutely impossible. Well, I mean, just what we've been doing, the fact that you still are here is shocking. Not only that, like we're pretty successful here. That's what's crazy. Well, I guess that's how you look at success. Okay. Eye of the beholder.

No, but, oh boy, because Jerry, you know, he was that he had Gale young and they married and he had the family right away. Yeah. Oh, that's a good one. Maybe he would. But it seems like that's too maniacal. There's too much thought that would go into that. Yeah, you got to make it all happen. Like Jerry would get locked in here.

Like Jim O'Hare could do that. Jim O'Hare could pull that off. Jerry, no. I don't think Jerry could pull it off. I don't think he could mentally pull it off. Speaking of Gale real quick, I heard you were a big Gale fan before, or a big Chris Brinkley fan. Oh, well, you guys, in my day, she was the poster.

In your day? In our day? She's still fucking going, man. She's still, yes. It's crazy. It's crazy. And I have admitted this before, so I'll admit it now. You know, as a younger dude,

there are times you feel the need to perhaps pleasure. Release, perhaps? Perhaps. Give to the world your seed, or to the carpet. Anyway, someone deserves

it. And yes, someone deserves it. And yes, I mean, Christy Brinkley, the red bathing suit, the poster. Yeah, yeah. You know. So they say, because basically it came down to they had to decide what's happening with Jerry. Everything can't be so negative. I used to get genuinely mad. Yeah.

Like I hated Toby. I'd be like, yeah, fuck Toby. I hate Toby. Leave Jerry alone. He's awesome. He's awesome. So they decided. Otherwise, it's too much. Why isn't he blowing his head off? So they say we're going to get

a Christy Brinkley type. Never thinking they can get Brinkley. But as you do in showbiz, you put it out there to her people. And what happened was she never heard of the show. She said to her daughter, Sailor, because that's her daughter's name, Sailor. And think of the name. She's as beautiful as the name. You better not be pretty if you're Sailor.

Yeah, that's a pretty person name. Like, I'm Jim. I can look like this. It's okay. No one's questioning. Now, if I was Hunter, they'd be like, oh, that didn't pretty person name. Like, I'm Jim. I can look like this. It's okay. No one's questioning. Now, if I was Hunter, they'd be like, oh, that didn't work out, did it? Oh, boy. Your parents, that did not work out.

But Jim is, I'm totally good for a Jim. So, Sailor. And she's gorgeous. And she, so I guess Christy Brinkley said, oh, I got this offer to do this show called Parks. And they go, Parks and Recreation? She goes, yeah. She goes, they want me to be someone's wife. And Sailor goes, Jerry Gergich's wife?

And she goes, yes. Mom, please do it now. So she did it because Sailor then would come out with her every time she shot because she wanted to be on the set with everybody. That's incredible. So that's why she did it. So you have Sailor Brinkley or whatever. To thank for my wife. Yeah. And Christy is, Amy always said it, and she's- So you have Sailor Brinkley or whatever. To thank for my wife. Yeah, I mean.

Yeah. And Christy is, Amy always said it, she lights up a room. She is adorable. She's stunning. And still, like we did, you know, spoiler alert, we've been off the air for two years. But at the end, Jerry becomes the mayor, and then we jump forward 30 years. And they put me, I was in hair and makeup for five hours.

To create this old man. All they gave her were these little tiny lines. And she was like, oh, look what they did here. I'm like, bitch, I just had that chair for five hours. And she still looks like Christie Brinkley.

She's found the youth, man. We had her, we had Rob of youth, man. She did. But the thing about her, we had Rob Lowe, who does not age. One time a paper came out, and of course, it was to slam me, but it said, what's wrong with these pictures? And it was him next to me, and it said, born 1962 for me, 1964 for him. That's a low fucking blow. And I said, dude, you're what's wrong.

Yeah. I'm fucking normal, right? Because this mess is normal. Yeah. You're the problem. What you got going on is weird. Like, full blown. And you know, there was an episode of, some Valentine episode, and we were all dancing,

blah, blah, blah. So we rap, and now there's only one scene left to do with Rob and Rashida, I believe. So Rob takes his shirt off. Now, I don't care, When you get older, things change. Gravity. Gravity, man. And he still looked like he had the body of a guy in his 20s. I just hate everything about you.

No, and I love Rob. But you know what I'm saying? I mentioned this to someone earlier. The joke would be on set. If you had a scene with Rob and you screwed up a line, you'd go, oh, I looked into his eyes. I lost her moment. eyes. I was lost. Only human.

Only human. Unlike him. Unlike him. A couple of robots on set. The other day, we had this, we call it the Parks family text. Oh, wow, that's great. Let me get it. Yeah, for real.

I could show you some stuff. But Adam sent us a picture the other day, Adam Scott, he ran into Rob. And Rob actually had a little gray around the temple. He was like, welcome, welcome. That's the big breaking news from this, Rob. Yeah, Rob was going gray. Of course, I'm sure maybe it was for a role.

It didn't look like it. And also, you know what? The gray is fine. You pull it off. The silver fox looks great, too. Hell, yeah. It's when you lose it that's the problem. As long as you got it, it can be whatever color.

A little salt and pepper, a little silver fox. It's actually, I almost prefer it. I can't wait for it. Yeah. It is what it is. I was gray at 30, so it is what it is. Looking sharp. You have good news, people.

Still dark pubes. Anyways, moving on. Last Jerry move or not, we had a – earlier when we first moved here, we only had one trash can for everyone to throw trash in. Now, we threw away on top three potato skins, bacon and all that. I walk by it later that day. I noticed there were two. And it would have been in the trash.

And we actually then went – We have an eye in the And it would have been in the trash, and we actually then went... We have an eye in the sky. We have eyes in the sky, so we then went to the cameraman, Pete, in here, and we said, Pete, we gotta get the camera. Who the fuck ate the potato skin? Mysteriously, the footage of that had been cut. Just that one little clip.

So we think it was Pete, obviously, because he's the only guy that's on the cover. But would Jerry trash it? That's a no-brainer. The only difference would all three would be gone. That's the only difference. And I can't say Jim O'Hara did too much. I was going to say.

They're sitting on top. It's not touching anything. It was in the tin. It was in the eclair. It was in there. Come on. You know, it's a quick bite. Come on.

Yes, that's a no-brainer. That's a Jim move, a Kevin move, a John move. That's a quick bite. Come on. Yes, that's a no-brainer. That's a Jim move, a Kevin move. John, that's a guy move. That's what you do, right? You don't admit it, but it's a guy move. Right. Yeah, yeah. Well, we really appreciate you coming by, man.

It was an absolute pleasure. Please come by anytime you want. What a treat for you guys to have me here. Really. Now, coming from my end, a bit of a chore, but really for you guys, really a special, special treat. Scarymommy.com is the best way to find me.

Scarymommy.com. It's on YouTube. The Scary Mommy on YouTube. We're on Facebook. Pop TV. We premiered last night during Hollywood Darlings. We're going to premiere season, episode two during next week's Hollywood Darlings. But again, YouTube, Scary Mommy. And on Spotify for March of Spice Facts.

Spotify and iTunes for the music. And you guys, when you hear this music, it's so awesome. And remember, it goes to charity other than my 89%. Yes, correct. It all goes to charity. And you will be putting in a good word for us for season two. Yes. Okay, you're David and you're Betty.

Yes. So we have that. Come on, paint the profile. Oh, we have this nice young gay couple and their acapella. That's true. They adopted a couple kids. Yeah. He strangely had sex with a woman, but it's actually theirs.

It's a whole thing. No, turkey baster. We've all been there. We've all been there. I do the turkey baster just for fun. I just put it in there and start shooting it all over the place. For those listening, one of the producers is here, and he's like, are you kidding? You're talking about this.

Well, to know my sickness is to love my sickness. Amen. All right. Thank you, sir. Thank you so much. It was so much fun. That was a blast. That was a blast, you guys.