KFC Radio - KFCradio: Jon Taffer

Episode Date: August 14, 2018

Jon Taffer stops by to answer voicemails about eating in a nightclub, writing a cover letter to date a girl and how not to be full of shit. KFC and Feits also answer voicemails about the worst thing your mother can say to you about sex, a girl using her ex-boyfriend's didlo, and one night in Bangkok.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Today's episode of KFC Radio, brought to you by our good friends at Dunkin' Donuts. It's about 2.30 right now. The exact time of day when you start to feel like a complete bag of garbage. It is exactly 2.30 right now. It's exactly when you feel like, how am I going to make it to 5 o'clock? Is this really only like halfway through the day?

If you got kids, you got to go home and take care of them. If you're a Peter Pan man child like Feidelberg, you got to go home and you got to think, I got to be up till like 3 a.m. to watch Netflix. How are you going to do that? With the Dunkin' Run menu, the perfect snacks to get you through your day. You got donut fries. You got gluten-free brownies to get you through your day. You got donut fries.

You got gluten-free brownies. You got pretzel bites. You got ham and cheese roll-ups. And you got the waffle-breaded chicken tenders, which are straight science fiction. It's just a chicken finger that tastes exactly like waffles and chicken and syrup. It's incredible. I don't know how they do it. When we get to have those for the ride down there, it's like my favorite.

It's the best part of the day. I don't get lunch that day. And you, too, at home, can have these at the same time of day. Go to Dunkin' Donuts, order off the run menu. Everything is just $2. Get any of those things I just mentioned for $2 and get you through your day. America runs on Dunkin'. Barstool runs on Dunkin'.

We got a very special guest on the program today, John Taffer, who is Bar Rescue, but he's so much more than that. John Taffer is just life. Yeah. I mean, John Taffer's biggest invention ever. He doesn't even get credit for a lot. Yeah. What did he do?

He invented Red Zone. Right. Right. I mean, that's the kind of stuff we're talking about with John Taffer, revolutionizing the goddamn world. Okay? So you call up here all the time, and you ask for advice, you ask for help, and you have two absolute buffoons answer them. I can't believe people still do it.

It's so stupid. I mean, it's fine if you call up and you are just looking for entertainment value. If you call up looking for real advice. Well, no, you know what? I'm tired of bashing ourselves. Oh, okay. We're good. Okay, let's turn over a new leaf.

We're going to talk nice about ourselves now. We're good at, we're bad at living it, but we're good at talking it. That is true. Do as I say, not as I do. Yeah, I honestly think we're pretty good at that. Yeah, no, that's definitely a fact. But I think we give good advice. We just don't follow it.

Definitely not. I think there's a big difference. Huge, huge difference. We're a psychiatrist who you walk out and you're feeling good, but then I'm doing heroin when you're walking down my hallway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no doubt. You go right for your fix. Yeah.

I mean, but here's also the difference is that you know the answer you're going to get from us is, like, going to be some regular guy shit, and you'll be able to say to yourself, like, yeah, well, that's what the normal answer is. And whether or not you put that into practice like we do or do not, whatever. But when you get an answer from Jon Taffer, you can rest assured that it's coming from the mind of someone who's worth tens of millions of dollars. Who has every problem he's ever had, he's approached from an outside the box type of way. He is always thinking of the best way, the best angle to not just skate by bare minimum the way we are. So we're going to hit you with some Jon Taffer knowledge.

We're going to have him come in, sit down, and answer your questions because maybe then you'll actually get some practical answers. What were you going to say? Practical what? Practical answers, okay. Jon Taffer, get in here. He's brought to you by FanDuel.

Football's back. It hasaffer, get in here. He's brought to you by FanDuel. Football's back. It has been a long ass offseason. And FanDuel has been doing, they've been, you know like, it's almost like bikini season, some bathing suit season. Like you gotta get into shape. You gotta be ready for it to come.

FanDuel has been doing just that for the football season. They have been getting into football shape because they are better than ever with more ways to play, more ways to challenge your friends, and most importantly, more ways to win. They got the gridiron pick-em. They got the gurus that will help you build a new lineup. They have new ways to play with your friends because there's nothing better

than beating your friends and stealing their money. Beat the score contest where all you got to do is hit a certain score, just hit a total score, and everybody gets paid out. They're doing preseason contests for all you degenerates out there who can't wait till week one. Week one they're doing... Preseason contests must be so goddamn impossible. I mean...

How do you bet? That's the thing though. It's a total crapshoot then. So I guess that's the appeal of it. You gotta just hope that whoever you pick that day plays for two quarters instead of one and goes off. You know? You gotta pick the bubble guys because they're gonna be the ones out there most of the time. Right. You can't pick any stars.

You can't pick Tom Brady. Tom Brady's not even gonna get a snap. No. They were saying somebody on the Browns their punishment was to play a full preseason game the other day. That's what Hugh Jackson wanted to do because he's a goddamn moron. What an asshole. He's gonna fuck up Baker Mayfield and know it. Absolutely. I mean, 100%. I love Baker. 100%.

But yeah, if someone out there is playing a full preseason game, they're going to rattle up like 80 times the points of the next guy. Week one is a million dollar contest. Especially if it was your second round pick. I believe it was the second round pick. Pretty talented. Not really a bubble guy. He's a solid football player, most likely. That's such a bad

idea. You're going to make him play a full game. Because he got pulled over and had some weed on him. I think that's what it was. It's unbelievable. It's like, I mean, Jesus Christ, dude. They're doing a survivor contest, which we've always done every year with KFC Radio for $250,000. We have not done it for $250,000. We've done it for like $1,000,000. So this is

250,000 times better. 250 times better than the KFC Radio contest. So go to fanduel.com slash KFC, and you'll get a $20 bonus when you make your first deposit at Fanduel. That's Fanduel.com slash KFC Radio. I love coming here and doing this stuff. So our show is like the call-in show. So we have prerecorded calls. I saw some.

People call in. This is thin fucking ice right here. Yeah, yeah, something like that. At any moment, I could crack through. Pretty much. And the two of you guys are betting that I will. Never that. Why do I think that you're betting against me? I'm not betting against you. I'll tell you what, I'll never

bet against John. That's a promise. That's a fact. I've just always heard you talk about obviously the bar life and then just business and entrepreneurial life and whatnot. Here, we tend to cut loose a little more. We're talking relationships, sex, hanging out with your buddies, dumb hypotheticals. So basically anything goes. So I don't think I've ever seen you dive into that world.

So I'm looking forward to it. We also get a lot of advice questions, and we are idiots and you are not. And so it would be nice to hear. So that's a start. That is. That's one to grow on. So I said I build it up in the beginning saying you'll actually get some actual advice today from someone with a brain. Except for the assholes.

Them I'm going to shut down. All right. My man. Let's do it. Keep it real. Whatever you want to say. Straight into voicemails? Yeah, let's do it.

Okay. So this is the thin ice moment where I could crack through at any second we'll see the tension is deep what up kfc fight super producer so i was at a nightclub last night and i was kind of thinking about the whole book at the bar thing so i'm at a nightclub pretty big nightclub and i ordered a plate of chicken tenders and french fries and was walking around. And I had so many girls come up to me and ask for food. Like, is this the next power move? Like, I don't know.

Let me know what you think. Okay, so a little background. We, months ago, talked about the guy who will just sit at the bar with a book and how he is like this mysterious man of intrigue and guys are like, what the fuck is he doing? And girls are like, who is he? What's he reading? And it's just a simple move, just sitting there

and you're flipping through all by yourself. So since we talked about it, everybody sends us pictures every time they see it. The book at the bar guy, the book at the bar guy, the chicken finger and fries at the club guy. That's a move in itself right there. Okay, guys. As a nightclub professional who's watched people for 35 years,

and I'm the only sober guy in the room because when you run a big nightclub, you've got to be sober because everybody else is fucked up. So it's brilliant, buddy. And what you're doing is, first of all, you're wimping out because men don't eat chicken fingers. Excuse me, sir. Hold on a minute. What you're doing is, first of all, you're wimping out because men don't eat chicken fingers. Whoa! Excuse me, sir. Hold on a minute.

Statistically speaking, men eat chicken wings. Women eat boneless chicken wings. Okay. That's the way it works, right? All right. Isn't it interesting? We have a habit to have bone in, if you will. But the fact is that he had a female-oriented food item and a chicken finger, very female-friendly.

Next, a chicken finger a girl can eat without tilting her head, without dripping stuff all over her face or dropping any sauce or anything. So they're two of the perfect things because they're finger foods. I can grab one out of your basket. So, buddy, I'm giving you 10 on this one. You nailed it in the right food to create what I'm going to call female interactivity through a food attraction. Very scientific. Yes.

It is a science. And if I were you, I would buy a lot of fucking chicken fingers in the next few months. I was at Citi Field once, and a guy, you know, they have a cookie dough stand this year? And some guy bought, like, there's a $250 option where you get the whole fucking thing. And he was just going around, and all these girls. I mean, he just had a trail of girls following him. It was incredible.

Oh, yeah. I mean, when you get a few beers in them, or you're in the club, and they're drinking a little bit, all they want to do is take their heels off and eat some chicken fingers and fries. They just want to be comfortable. Right. Here's the problem. That's the comfort food.

Once you're in, when you meet somebody at the bar, girl, guy, when you meet somebody at the bar, the most difficult thing is the first few words. Because once we're looking in each other's eyes and talking, then the rest of it happens, man. So it's all about what I call the trigger. How do I trigger the conversation? Well, if you're a genius, you do something that causes them to trigger the conversation, hence the book dude. Yeah, yeah. They come to you. In his case, the chicken fingers did it.

Yeah. So he created a trigger, and once that trigger happened and they're looking in each other's eyes, man, well, then it's up to you, man. Either you take it home or you don't. I love it. I have a question for you. You kind of alluded to it earlier. How fucking terrible is it being the sober guy? Because I can't imagine ever going out with drunk people and saying,

I'm going to stay sober tonight because they're all children and it sucks hanging out with kids. Well, I didn't say that. If I went out with some friends, I'd have some drinks. Yeah, right. But in my venues, I tend to be the sober one. But I'll never be overly intoxicated because this is my business and I can't be, obviously. So, no, I'll party with other people, guys. I can down some tequila with you guys.

I was going to say, I know you're a tequila guy. Let's pull out the bottles. I'm cool with that. But, you know, in a work environment, somebody can get sick, somebody can get hurt. So I tend to be. But in that environment, when I look out over 2,000 people in my freaking nightclub and the thump is going and people are dancing and everybody is beautiful and I'm the only sober one and I look at it

and I realize this is my fucking domain. That's about as cool as it gets. You don't need to drink at that moment. That's right. You're drunk as hell on John Taffer.

At that moment, yes. And what you've created. Yeah, I mean, it's easy to stay sober when you're fucking wildly successful. If you're one of the people sitting in a bar that needs to be rescued and it sucks, I'm sure it's like, give me some fucking booze. This is terrible.

Sometimes I feel I should be drinking more than that. That's true. Next up. Hey, guys. Quick scenario for you here. Kind of piggybacking off of one of the voicemails that we heard today uh so my buddy just started dating this girl probably about three months ago and the other night he was telling us how he wrote up a cover letter as to why he should date her and she explained to him that he had to read it to her

parents at dinner in order for them to date. Oh my God. All right. So what your guys' thoughts are. Well, okay. So here's my view on that. If he needs a parental approval to do that, what happens when it comes time to take her shirt off?

What the hell do you do then? So, you know, my problem is this. You want to have a relationship with someone who is open to you and is going to be trusting to you. And if their first accountability is to their parents in those situations, that's a red flag for me. Look at you, Johnny. See, that's the brain.

I know my shit, man. My answer would have been, she's an asshole, dude. Yes, that too. That too. I mean, we had a little example. We had to talk about it because there was a voicemail last week where someone, in order to date a girl, she required three letters of recommendation. So she wanted to see three letters of recommendation from people who say he's a good guy, who he won't cheat, yada, yada, yada. He went and did it, and then she spent a year cheating on him,

if I remember correctly. Really? Yeah, but I've also made a similar move, a similar mistake, where I had an ex-girlfriend. That's a young man. Yeah, yeah, I was 18. She demanded that after we broke up, I went through my whole, it was really only probably about two days,

but two days of just weeping in the garage by myself. I want her back. No, I didn't. But, you know, I didn't want the rejection. So she made me tell my mother about what a bad boyfriend I had been. And I hadn't cheated or anything like that. I had just been an 18-year-old guy who was more interested in hanging out with his friends and stuff like that. So I told my mother through tears about what a bad boyfriend I am.

At 18. Yeah, I called the girlfriend back. I told her I did it. She laughed at me and was like, yeah, we're not getting back together. I just wanted to ruin the relationship with your mother. Wow. See, that's the kind of girl you shouldn't go out with in the first place. You know what I'm saying?

She's not exactly rooting for you. Not your biggest fan. Oh, she hated my guts. John couldn't get another one. Oh, she hated my guts. For eight months, she hated me. Think about how fucked up that is. I'm not only going to ruin your life. I'm going to ruin your life with the person who I think is the most important in it. Your own mother.

So this is going to live with you the rest of your life, what I'm doing to you. And you know what? We're 12 years later, and guess what? It's still very much on the forefront of my mind. So does your mother still look at you and say, what's going on with the girlfriend thing? Does she still harass you about it? No, she knows it's just the lost cause.

So she agrees? Yeah, yeah. She pretty much agrees. Yeah, well, she believes what I told her, which was the truth, which was just, I like going out with my friends instead of her. She's like, well, it sounds like you're not a very good boyfriend, are you? She's like, you're right.

You're right. Let me tell you something. If you found the right girl, you'd say, fuck you to your friends, and you'd be out with her every night. It's a true story. Boy, John. You know what's sick? That girl is going to end up being a mom and being like, imagine if my son ever did that

to me. Yeah. Sick fucking chicks, man. She's going to be reading her daughter's reference. Cover letter. I can't imagine sitting at a table with

a girl you hope to take her shirt off later with her parents. I'd be so much more nervous for that than I would for a job interview. Oh my god. I would be terrified. I would be out on that, not because I disagreed with the tactic, though I do. I would be out on that not because I disagreed with the tactic, though I do. I would be out on that just because I didn't want the pressure. I don't want to go through it.

Yeah. No, this isn't happening. The ultimate pressure. Like, why should I work for you is one question. Why should you, like, be allowed to be romantic with my daughter? Get the fuck out of here. There's no right answer for that. There's no cover letter that's going to be like, oh, okay, yeah, you're good, man.

You can have sex with her. What could you possibly have on a cover letter? If you made Shay do this. Oh, my God. Someone who – What could a cover letter possibly say? Shay's Kevin's daughter. So what would be appealing to you?

I'm asexual. I was going to say. Yeah. Right. I'm gay. I have no interest. I did say that. I lost my penis in the war.

Right. My testicles were cut off years ago. Oh, man. Whatever it is, it better be damn well conclusive, right? Yeah. Yo, what's up, guys? So, my buddies and I were

talking last night about some, like, crazy girl shit that has happened to us. And I didn't really think this was that big of a deal until I said it out loud. So I just want to hear your thoughts. So back in high school, I dated some girl for eight months, the whole nine and one day when I went over to her house her mom actually told me go up to a room there's like a bag and her dresser for you so like oh okay so I went up there and her mom bought us condoms and not only condoms but lube too so this mom basically other side was giving me permission to fuck her daughter

when I was 17 years old. So saying that was kind of nuts. I was just wondering what's like – has anything like this happened to you guys before or like is this – That's never happened to me, but what you just said was a short short story that men would dream yeah right you're 17 so don't worry i'll give you guys two hours you know i got a candle going i got a little soft music don't worry about any interruptions i'm

gonna go down to the deli you can lock the door i'll be out no that's an amazing situation that and you know i could only think that that is somehow flattering to you. Because to think that she chose you, so to speak, and trusted you with that opportunity, for lack of a better word, is pretty cool, man. So that's a story I would tell a lot of people just to keep younger guys dreaming. Yeah. Just to give hope. Just to give hope to us all. Inspire hope to the younger generation. I'll tell you what. people just to keep younger guys dreaming. Yeah. Just to give hope. Just to give hope to us all. Inspire hope to the younger generation.

I'll tell you what. Don't think I like it. No? It's too weird? Too much pressure. Yeah. You talk about being able to perform under pressure. I'm not that guy.

Nope. I'm not a diamond. I'm Olympical. Okay? And I forever will be. And if the mom is like, here's the deal. I'm going to the deli. Here are the candles.

It's not like mom is watching. But you know. She's going to be like asking. Yeah. You know she knows. Trust me. Put the lubricant on. You'll be fine.

I guarantee it. Words of wisdom that apply to everything in life. Put the lubricant on. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. That applies to so many things, man. It's the truth, man. You could say that to so many things, man. It's the truth, man. You could say that to so many things.

Move it up and go, man. I like the part where he started with, this didn't sound weird to me until I said it out loud. Sometimes you need that. That's basically everything I've said in my whole life. I thought it was normal that I said it out loud. So the reaction on the podcast is like, wait, what? The only thing that says to me is like, you know, the parents who are like, I'd rather you drink under my own roof than go drink and drive. It's like, here, go in the bedroom. Here's a bunch of condoms.

Be safe about it. Well, at least I know you're using a condom. Yeah, right? I know you're not doing it in some stranger's house in the backseat of some car. I know you're going to do it anyway. The lube is a bit much, though, because that implies other things that I don't think you should encourage, but whatever. Well, I wonder, was it banana-flavored maybe? Strawberry-flavored?

Imagine she's at the sex shop asking, like, I have a 17-year-old daughter, and I'm trying to have her have a fun night tonight. What is your best lube? What do you recommend? What's your favorite flavor? Like, 19-year-old girl with, like, a nose ring who – You've got to, like, call the police on that one. I wonder, what size condom did she get him? Oh, man. Like a 19-year-old girl with a nose ring. You've got to call the police on that one. You've got to wonder, what size condom did she get him? Oh, man.

What if she bought an extra large and he didn't fit? What if it was too small? I mean, I'd rather be on the too small side than have the mom get me Magnum. Listen, this baby doesn't fit versus I can get four of them in there. Right. If you show up and your girlfriend's mom is a magnum condom, it's like, I don't live up to your parents' standards. This is how it's going to end right now.

Thank you. I don't use condoms. Listen, if your parents are disappointed in our sex life, then you certainly are going to be. Thank you very much, Mrs. Beaver, but I won't be needing these. Mrs. Beaver, so aptly said. Yeah. Now, John, before we let you go here, because these guys could go on forever and ever,

the main thing we always do here is these kind of voicemails. It's always usually relationship-based, guy-girl-based, and this kind of shit consumes people. They find themselves in fucked up situations. We get so many voices like this where it's stuff I think I would see in a movie. Yeah. This happened in your life? Right. And it's like it stops them from doing well in school or doing well at work,

and you get consumed. You start acting like in ways you shouldn't. So as someone who's ultra successful in life, and I think one of the biggest things in life is balancing relationships and work, and especially marriage and family life and all that stuff, what would be your advice for that? I've always found it's almost like you can't do one or the other fully, so you're going to cut corners on both sides. So how do you cut the right corners and where and when? I always say invest in yourself.

So to me, we each have equity in us. What is your equity, man? Is it experience? Is it personality? Is it a sense of humor? What is it about you that's your equity that makes you significant in life? We have to work on that to attract the right woman. So what happens is we don't work on ourselves and our own equity and we go chase a woman and then she comes on board and we're not ready for it. When I was

younger, I worked on my equity and building my own self-worth, my own integrity, my own experience, my own personality, my own sense of humor, learning thousands of jokes. I mean, so I built that equity and later in life, I was married and got divorced. Later in life, I met my wife, Nicole, who was 20 years younger than me. Now, one does not expect a girl 20 years younger than you, you know, to. And I had created so much equity that the one girl who I thought would never want to be with me, in fact, was with me. We've been together 22 years now. So had I gone out looking for a girl 20 years younger than me, what kind

of girl would I have found? The kind of girl 20 years younger I wouldn't want to be with. Right. Work on yourself and let the rest come to you. Because when we work on ourselves, we become a magnet when we're good. People are drawn to us. And that's the trick, man. You want people drawn to you, whether it's professional or personal.

So would you say don't get in a relationship until you really worked on yourself enough? Because sometimes you think the right one came along, and it's like, well, I don't want to pass up on the chance or the opportunity. No, when it comes, you do it. But the fact of the matter is, don't go out and hunt for it. Right. And try to make it happen.

Focus on your own life. Make your life great, and it will happen. All right. I mean, I respect that. I think that's good advice for relationships, work, everything. Just focus on yourself until it's all good. Did you ever run into the problem where you were working on yourself too much and that meant that you weren't working on the relationship? Yes.

Yeah. That's what I think it gets to you. And that's that balance. So, you know, Nicole is with me here in New York now. I mean, she travels with me everywhere. We stay together. The trick is you got to make your girlfriend or your wife your best friend. You got to want to be together so that you are. It doesn't work when you're not, man. Do you think that every relationship requires a little level of white

lying or do you think 100% honesty? Boy, that's a great question. When I had failed relationships, I had white lying in them. With my wife, Nicole, for 22 years, we are completely straight with each other. Really? Completely? Everything. 100%. Everything. She has the passwords to my phones, to my computer. She has access to everything.

I don't even know what the fuck my money is, what banks my money is in. I don't. I haven't written a check in 21 years. So, yes, she knows everything. You know, she has access to my computer, my phones, whatever she wants. There's no secrets. And I got to tell you.

Well, you got to make your wife, your girlfriend, your best friend. And I don't even have my best friends. Don't get 100% honesty. They get some white lies. Come on, a little bit. But that means that they know you're full of shit. And do you really want to live your life with the people around you knowing that you're full of shit? Yeah, but it's not full of shit if you're like, you know, why did you come out last night?

Can I tell you something? You're not going to like this? Yes. When you grow up, you'll stop being full of shit. That's the reality of it. True story. Because all of us are full of shit until the day comes when you say to yourself, holy shit, I'm not full of shit anymore. I actually got to the point that I don't need to do that anymore.

I am so honest with you. But isn't it easier to just avoid a fight? To say, look, I'm not feeling good. I don't want to meet you after this. No, it's so freeing. It's incredible. You just say, I don't want to go out. I never have to look over my shoulder.

I never have to hide anything. You know, if I got a skid mark in my underwear, so fucking be it. That's true, though. There's no fears. Everything is completely open and honest, and it's really cool, man. Do you ever find yourself, like, you're honest about something, and you're like, you know, in the past I would have lied about this. I'm just going to fucking tell her.

I mean, I guess 22 years is now at this point. I don't care. Well, no, no, no. Was there a time where you're – No, you're right. There's times that you – because, you know because you really didn't need to say that. Yeah. But we have the kind of relationship where we both do that.

So there's a moment in time where you just get to the point where you shouldn't have said that. Well, maybe I shouldn't have said it, but maybe you needed to hear it. And okay, we just blow it off and let it go. Because the fact of the matter is you have a commitment to each other. And if that commitment is real, you've got to get through the day. I think that the ability to blow it off and keep it moving is the only way to have that. If people can't blow it off and keep it moving, you can't always tell them everything.

No. So you guys got to work together again tomorrow. You can only push them so far. Yeah, that's true. If you push them too far, it's fucking over. That's true. That makes no sense. Right.

So you've got to know where those boundaries are. Sure, make your position known sure communicate but understand if you're committed to a relationship then you can't let it go on so you got to end it that day you got to be able to look at each other and laugh and say man i was an asshole before sorry and laugh about it and then she's got to not make you feel worse about it she's got to laugh about it with you. And what we do is we use humor. I mean, we just laugh at ourselves all the time. Man, I fucked that up. I'm sorry about before. It's better that way. It's so fucking freeing, man. It's awesome. See, and that's why I told you. You're going to get some real advice from John.

Yeah. Total opposite of what we say. John, we appreciate you coming through. So we got Bar Rescue, the Puerto Rico edition. Puerto Rico just happened. Just happened. Which is really special. If nobody's seen it, they really should see that episode. I launched my podcast like six weeks ago.

I'm one of the top in the country in five weeks. Welcome to the gang. Podcast gang. Coming on here was a large part of why I did it. You guys have a connection with your audience. That's really special. I don't get that in TV. No, yeah. I don't get the interactivity. That's really special. I don't get that in TV. No, yeah.

It's very passive. That's very true. TV is so distant in that way. So I just launched it five, six weeks ago. I'm having a blast, guys. It's really great. It's a lot of fun, right?

It's been a lot of fun. Just press record, babble. It'd be fun to have you guys on one day. Yeah, absolutely. We'd love that. What's it called? John Paffer,

No Excuses on Podcast One. No Excuses. As a matter of fact, do you know who my very first guest was? Who's big cat yeah he was my very first good guy to have so download that it's on the podcast one network john taffer no excuses and always open the puerto rico episode that went and you had all that went to to puerto rico right yeah all the what we did i went down to the rescue a bar in a restaurant i wound up rescuing a community center basketball court in a baseball field.

And Mark Cuban came down to help me with J.J. Barea. So they did the basketball court for me. Bernie Williams came down to help me with the baseball field. Bethany Frankel came down to help me with the community center. And Luis Guzman, the actor, also came down to help me with the community center. And it was awesome. You talk about building equity in yourself. You just did a lot right there.

For real. It was awesome. I got to tell you guys, working with Mark and JJ, you know, just great guys, you know, from the sports world that really stepped up. And Mark is a great guy. He's got a hell of a jump shot, too, by the way. Yeah. He can hoop a little bit.

He can hoop a little bit, yeah. He works out with the team all the time, right? Remember he had a goal to be able to dunk, and he worked out, and he, like, you know, busted his ass, and he, like, he dunked it to dunk, and he worked out, and he busted his ass, and he dunked it one time, and he was like, I'm done. I'm never doing it again. He's like, I'm going to blow out my knee or twist an ankle.

One and done, be finished with it. He can play. We can shoot anyway. He'll make it four quarters, but he can play. John, we appreciate it, man. Thank you. Great to be here. Big thank you to John Taffer. His voicemails and the second half of our voicemails are brought to you by SeatGeek. We went to OAR last night, courtesy of our friends at SeatGeek.

We got to see Nate on stage rattling that tambourine. It was a magical 30th birthday for your boy, Feidelberg. It was... Nate was... Nate was exactly as expected. I mean, yes, quite literally. Anybody who expected anything other than that does not know Nate at all.

That's basically what it comes down to. I like how in the office yesterday, he was talking, like, he was confident, which is a rare thing from Nate. He said, what are you talking about? I'm going to go up there, I'm going to be pretty good. Why would you think that? What about your existence up until this point makes you think you're going to put it all together on stage?

Much like the salad thing. It's like, why do you think that you are a rock star? I said to him, what are you wearing tonight? This. Like, why would someone – it was stupid of me to think that Nate would have something else up his sleeve. Yeah. What, do you think I put plans together for performing with a rock band with a fucking legendary rock band i'll just wear the same thing that i do to the barstool office what a dickhead what an absolute dickhead

that guy is he's then i tell you what i i feel bad because he has been after that um little interaction today because i i happen to walk by perfectly as you said that and I happen to be able to interrupt and give Nate's answer. I said, if you think he's wearing anything but this you're outside of your mind. Which, by the way, was a baggy pair of pants, a team barstool zip-up sweatshirt, and some old Reeboks that I gave him. And he

came over to my desk after and he said, John, you make fun of my clothes a lot. Like, to my face. I said, I do, John, you make fun of my clothes a lot, like to my face. I said, I do, Nate. Like right to my face. I sure do. And he said, do you think maybe we should do a makeover? It's a little weasel just looking for free clothes.

I said, Nate, anytime you want. I'm not buying them. I'll tell you which ones you should wear, but I am not purchasing them for you. Right. He said, I don't want to spend the money. Yeah, well, they're in life to buy them. Okay, you old Jewish man. He said it. That wasn't

a thing about money. I don't want to spend the money. Yeah, he said it. He just sounds like a whiny old Jewish grandfather. I just don't want to spend the money. Some of the people here who are not Jewish, it's astounding. How is Tommy Smokes not Jewish? I think they just published his blog about not tipping, too.

Anyway, SeatGeek, you're going to love this. SeatGeek will get you tickets to your favorite concert, to your favorite sporting event, favorite comedian, favorite musical theater, which Weidelberg is a big time fan of. I had people yesterday when we were coming home from Newport, which took so goddamn long, before we got fast food,

Lou and I woke up in the morning and looked at each other and said, what I'm going to do to a McDonald's today is going to be disgusting. When you know you're traveling, you know the calories don't count. I thought I might. He said we're going to have to go into this in separately. Yeah. So we can't judge each other.

But before that, he couldn't listen to music because he just wasn't ready for it. After the McDonald's, we just rocked out to musicals the whole way home. Sounds like an awesome car ride. You're missing out. We had a lot of fun. Anyway, SeatGeek Use the promo code KFC You get $10 off your first purchase

So download the free app Go to settings Add a promo code Enter KFC And get $10 off your first purchase Keep the voicemails Blowing KFC

Fight BC I got a situation here I've been talking to this girl For a couple months now And she's just a sex fiend Just like always always wants to have sex. Like, I've had to say no, it's that bad. But I mean, I'm not going to complain about a good thing. So she told me that she has a dildo, and she had that, so she wasn't just hooking up with guys when she was single. I'm like, okay, yeah, whatever,

I get that. That's probably a good thing. And then one night we're FaceTiming and she gets it out and she starts using it. And then it's like it's all over. We're just talking. And then she says, I said, where'd you get that? And she said, oh, my ex-boyfriend got it for me. Not really sure how to handle this situation. God damn it. Do I tell her to get rid of it?

Do I tell her, do I of it? Do I tell her? Do I just ignore it? It just feels kind of weird. Why? Let me know what you think. Why did she have to say that? Why did she have to say that? This is the...

We've said this before. Say it again because it's so important. Lie to me. Honesty is so important except when you're lying. Lie to me, man. Choose your spots. God, that's not the one. That's the spot to lie. when you're lying. Lie to me, man. Choose your spots. God, that's not the one. That's the spot to lie. That's the one to lie. I am not going to demand

to see a receipt. It's not concur. It's not going to be an expense report with me. To be honest, it's kind of a weird question to begin with. I don't know. I ordered it offline. I went to a sex shop. I don't even know why you need to ask the question, but once it's asked, just fucking say I ordered it on the internet. I got it when I was you need to ask the question. But once it's asked, just fucking say, I ordered it

on the internet. I got it when I was single, because I like to fuck myself. I don't know. What do you want to tell me? Now I know that that dude just rocked you like a plunger with that fucking thing. And I'm sure that if you told me you ordered it off the internet, I'm sure

your ex-boyfriend did it with that too. But it's not going to be at the forefront of my fucking brain. It's not the gift. Yeah, right. It's the gift aspect is what matters. And now you look at it. That dildo turns into a cartoon every time you look at it.

Yeah, with his face. It's her ex-boyfriend's face. Yeah. Oh, I'm getting back in my pussy. Yeah. Yep. No, dildo, you're not. It's my pussy now.

So now you have to go buy one. Maybe this is just an elaborate plot to just get updated dildos. Because now you have to go buy one. Yeah, that's true. You've got to be like, throw that one in the fucking trash. Here's some new shit like the Model 9000 version where it's got thrusters and shit. Yeah, Harry Potter's broomstick. Yeah, right.

This thing you blast off and fly around the fucking room like a balloon. I mean, I just cannot believe girls don't know when to. But I think that's almost a guy thing, too, because we do lie a lot. Yeah. Because we know when to lie. Right. So we're just thinking if this is a bad thing, they'll just lie to me. I mean, the notion that you should be fully honest to anybody, let alone someone you're in a relationship with, that's just not right. It's just really not.

You can make all the jokes you want about me, but it's like you need to white lie here and there to survive. Without a doubt. Especially in a relationship. Most of the time you need to white lie. Right. Because what you were doing isn't bad, but it's just going to be a fight. A thing. Like there's nothing wrong with your ex-boyfriend buying you a dildo.

No. Nothing at all. But it's time for a white lie. Yep. I just don't need to know it. Yes. I just don't be a fight. A thing. Like, there's nothing wrong with your ex-boyfriend buying you a dildo. No. Nothing at all. But it's time for a white lie. Yep. I just don't need to know it. Yes. I just don't need to know it. Fact.

And, like, we always say, like, we have the five-year-old at bay, you know, and you don't want him to come out. So you want, like, full honesty? Well, now you're dating a five-year-old. Yeah. You know? I'm going to lie to you and make it seem like I'm a 30-year-old. Okay? I'm going to pretend to be. I'm going to lie to you and make it seem like I'm a 30-year-old. I'm going to pretend to be.

I'm going to perform being an adult. That's what I do every single day. Performance art when you date me. Me pretending to be a mature adult. I am the best method actor that's ever lived. Ever. Well, I'm not great, but I try every day. I put in a good effort.

I'm a lunch pail kind of guy. But God damn it. Yeah, my ex-boyfriend bought me this wonderful device that I fuck myself with. And undoubtedly, like even you could have a bad breakup. You could be totally over him. There's somewhere in the back of your head every time you're blasting yourself. It's like, all right, thanks, Jeremy. Like whatever.

You know what? Also, I think the problem with that is too is that guys,, we're bad at talking sexy and sexed and stuff like that. That's just you, homie. You stink at that. Yeah. So, yeah. So, maybe this is just me. Maybe I'm just projecting here.

But I always, I just ask probing questions. So, that's kind of. Where'd you buy that? I hope you elaborate. Did you buy that with your credit card or your debit card? Was it on sale? I'm basically – I'm a police investigator who's trying to get you to accidentally say something sexy rather than incriminating. Did you pay for two-day shipping.

Like, in my head, I'm going to ask her, where did you get that dildo? And she's going to go into some highly erotic tail. She was so horny one day. She had to have it. Her fingers weren't just cutting it. She just had this. She walked to the store dripping. I put on a really long t-shirt. I didn't even put band-aids on.

I went to the bathroom to check. There was porn playing while I watched it. That's where my head goes. Where'd you get that dildo? See? Lie, girls. Make that shit up. Hey, you want to know what guys want? That's it. That's it. That's it.

Tell us some erotic fan fiction about what you guys do. Cool, cool. Did it come with batteries? Oh, no. What an ordeal that was. Were they C's or D's? Oh my god. I'm howling.

I'm fucking sweating in here for that. Oh, next question. Alright, what's up fellas? So, I've got a fucked up voicemail for the fucked up foursome. Also, shout out to my main man, the Wonton Don don uh so after school this year uh i was on a group-led trip of like 16 kids through southeast asia um and so eventually

our trip ended in bangkok and one night in bangkok were at the famous Kho San Road which is like the backpackers uh capital of the world and so we ended up going to this thing called a ping pong show um for those of you who don't know what a ping pong show is. It's pretty much girls have talents that showcase the powers of their vaginas. So they shoot ping pong balls out of their vaginas. They pull rope like magicians out. They shoot darts out. They draw pictures amongst other things so that's probably the most fucked up thing that i've ever seen and experienced just want to call and see what

you guys most fucked up experiences were yo i got a question i want to see them draw yeah i mean drawing is. A dart doesn't make any sense either. I don't know how this is possible. I've actually only heard of ping pong balls. I don't even know

if I've ever seen it. No, I don't think I've ever seen it either. Maybe one time. I don't know. Well, you've got to go

to places like this. I mean, whenever you're telling a story that it's legitimately has one night in Bangkok as you're fucking, like,

that was just the story. I would like to see that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this is the shit I want to see. I want when I when I go to a strip club, I don't. Yeah. Yeah.

I want to see people do fucked up stuff with their vagina. That's what I want to see. I fucking do that. Right. You're saying you don't want to see them be like sexy and shit. You want to see a freak show. I could not care less about you slapping me in the face with your titties. I really couldn't.

I want to be entertained. I want to be some science fiction shit. Yeah, the chick in West Virginia who made milk squirrelly out of her nipples. Yeah, that's why I'm here. For the record, I'm not on lactating. Yeah, no, I'm here for it. I understand your sentiment. I'm going to see you fucking do a fucking acrobatic act on a pole.

There's nothing worse than pole dancing. Yeah, I don't give a shit about a pole dancing. If I ever have a strip club, I fucking acrobatic act on a pole. There's nothing worse than pole dancing. Yeah, I don't give a shit about a pole dancing. If I ever have a strip club, I'm not even going to have a pole. Forget it. Or you get to swing around up there. I don't give a fuck. Dude, I want to see people. I'll go to Cirque du Soleil.

I was going to say I'll go to a playground, but probably a better answer. I'll go watch little kids play on the monkey bars. I meant with the person of my age, but I see where the confusion can come in. You're something special today, babe. I haven't seen anything like this. I don't think I've ever seen. I mean, I was at a bachelor party once where, you know, somebody slapped a fucking dildo on someone's head

And sat on it That's pretty cool Yeah pretty cool That's pretty cool It was like a Like a suction one on his forehead And just rode his head She just sat right on it

Yeah I'm down with that That'd be funny I mean everywhere I go I'm there to laugh Like I'm not here to be sexy or see sexy stuff No Make me laugh and go Do it for the story man I'm gonna here to be sexy or see sexy stuff. No, no. Make me laugh and go, whoa. Do it for the story, man. I'm going to go home and be like, that was something I never saw before.

Make me hit my friends and say, did you see that? That's it. That's a good, yeah, the whack. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. That's a measure of a good night out and a good story. Yeah, that's all. I haven't done it personally, but I've always told the story of the box in New York City. If you have not gone to the box, I would recommend you keep it that way.

Logan, you're a new young kid in the city. If anyone asks to go to the box, be ready. Just be ready. It's a three-part sex show. The one show that I knew of was the first act. A tranny comes out. just, I don't know, I think she deep-throated something horrible, like a fucking sword or something terrible for you.

The second act, she took a shit in a pizza box. Just shit in a pizza box. And the third act, she took... That's got to be so stressful all day. To be like, I'm going to have to poop. It's my job. My job requirement is I have to poop later. And it's got to be like, I'm going to have to poop. It's my job. My job requirement is I have to poop later.

And it's got to be like a theatrical one. Yeah. And then the third act, she took a belt and she tied it around her like transsexual penis and she tied it off

and she took a hypodermic and stuck a needle in it and then collapsed to the floor. So, if anyone ever asked you to go to the box. No, you're not good.

We're going to have to take Logan. I mean Next vlog episode Yeah Well that's Logan's got a big It's hard to get into

Big week ahead of him this week And maybe at the end of it As a celebration Oh boy We go to the box with Logan Imagine There'd be no other way To celebrate KFC Radio than that

I had You want to know Of a time Someone should lie to you I had an ex-girlfriend Who went to the box once And she This was before we were dating Or anything like that And she was just You want to know of a time someone should lie to you? I had an ex-girlfriend who went to the box once. And she, this was before we were dating or anything like that.

And she was just, you know, we were just like telling stories. And she was like, oh, my God. You know, I went to the box one time and a tranny came on me. She was like by the stage. No. And someone in front of her moved at the last minute. She didn't know why, so she didn't move. And the cum landed on her.

Oh, my God. I was like, I just wish you lied there. Yeah, wish I didn't know that. Yeah. But you were like, where? Right? No. She told me where. Oh, no.

Double lie. Double lie. Be like, yo, it was just on my shoe or something. No, it was on my lips. Yeah, it was on my face. Oh, man. The box. It's a dangerous spot.

It's a dangerous spot. Seriously. Yikes. Go ahead. There's another thing like the box, isn't there? I'm sure. There's probably like 50 of them around the city. I think there's one other one I've heard about recently that's kind of something like that.

But I'm down for those. I'm fucking fine. I'll dodge the cum. That's for sure. I do not need to watch someone shit in a box. That's for those. I'm fucking fine. I'll dodge the cum. That's for sure. I do not need to watch someone shit in a box. That's for certain. I mean, I would definitely. Sitting here, I don't.

No, it doesn't sound all that appealing. But I'd be laughing my ass off, man. Someone just pooped in a box. God damn it. Change of plans. Sitting here, it's still funny, too. Hey, KFC Fights BCc what's going on guys um so i know we've uh you guys have talked about the accidental uh like on a picture before um but i had this incident happen

a couple hours ago at work uh not great um more or less every time a lot of times when I put my phone in my pocket and I've been using Instagram I take it out later and I'm like posted I've like selected a picture and it's like posting or it's like on the post screen I just have never gotten that far but I've always been nervous it's gonna happen well last night I screenshotted some girl's picture from Facebook or something and sent it to my buddy, left it in my pictures. And I guess while I was at work today, in my pocket, I, like, posted the screenshot. So this chick is just like, why you just post a screenshot of me? Keep in mind, like, I don't know her that well. Yo!

It makes it that much worse. She's like, why did you just post a screenshot of me online? So I didn't even answer. Basically, I don't know what to do. I feel like at this point I just have to delete all social media. Definitely. And get rid of it. I don't know.

I don't know if there's really a way to recover from this or not. I can't even say the truth of what happened because that's almost worse than what she's probably assuming. So, yeah, let me know. This is a bad one, John. This is a bad one, and despite what we've been saying before about white lies and things like that, there's no white lie here. You've got to come totally clean. I think you can soften it a little bit. Like, explain, I don't know, why'd you have the screenshot of me?

Yeah, no, I think whether or not this is a lie, this is what I think has actually happened. But, hey, I was telling my friend about you. I think you're really cute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was telling my friend about you, and I went and sent him a picture, and then somehow in my pocket, it also went on social media. That's so bad, dude. A fucking screenshot just being posted to your Instagram, just being like, oh, here's a picture of a girl that I took with my phone.

That's crazy. That's definitely crazy. But I think there's a way you can maybe have it come off as endearing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you have to, like, play your cards very, very right. But, yeah, if you're like, listen, I thought you were cute. My friend was asking about you. He asked to see you.

I tried to describe you, but you're a beautiful trans. You're just too beautiful. Words cannot describe. Only a screenshot can do you justice. Or you just own it and be like, you're so hot, I wanted to post you to my Instagram. Did your ex-boyfriend do that? Did your dildo-buying ex-boyfriend ever post you on his Instagram? I don't think so.

I think you've got to go 99% true on this one and spice up a little bit of the reason why. Yeah, you can say you're just so gorgeous I couldn't... Maybe not. I was jerking off to your screenshot and it posted by accident. You don't have to go over the top. I mean, maybe not. I was jerking off to your screenshot and it posted by accident. Yeah, you don't have to go over the top.

I was talking about you. Thank you. My friend asked to see you. It screenshotted you. It posted. What do you want me to do? These things happen all the time. Be like, but then also delete all your social media.

You know what I've been doing a lot on Instagram is saving pictures. You know how you can like there's like on the right side of the picture there's almost a tab and you just hit it and it just saves that picture? I did not know that.

Yeah, it's like I'll show it to you right now. It looks like almost like a flag. So you don't have to like screenshot and you can just save? It's this

like that flag right there all the way on the right. Huh, who knew? And I've been just hitting that a lot accidentally. No idea what no clue there was a thing.

And I have to immediately undo that. Oh, did it tell you? Yeah, it kind of says, like, save to file or whatever. Yeah. I'm like, why the fuck did it do that? I don't want to do that. It's a picture of macaroni and cheese. Yeah, no, thank you.

But I've done it. I've actually done it with, like, two pictures of Sophie Julia, which is, like, fine. I'll just text her. I don't know what the fuck that was. And so they get a notification. I think they do. I cover my tracks just in case. I just saved a picture. I don't know why.

I'm sorry. I once accidentally sent one of those huge thumbs up on Messenger. Have you ever seen those? It was like this girl. I was talking to my buddy. I sent it. I sent a message. She never replied.

And I was showing them like six months later. And then I just put it back in my pocket. And it sent a giant thumbs up. Like one of the Facebook like just giant thumbs up. And I was like, okay, I'm never talking to this person. That's it. Yeah, you just closed the book. I mean, when I sent Noah Syndergaard two hearts, that was demoralizing.

I do the heart all the time, actually. Yeah. Because you double tap and it's just a huge heart. I was like, I can't believe this. But I didn't mean to, Noah, I swear. What did he say? I think he just ignored it completely. This was like when we were first, like,

we were first talking, so it was like weird. Otherwise I would have just been like, I don't fucking care, Noah. But he just wrote like nothing back. Or I said like, I didn't mean to say that. He like yeah sure okay yo got a question need an opinion what are your thoughts on three people living together with two of them being in a relationship and the third is the best friend of one of the two people and they're doing it just to get you know a nicer house and have they don't have to spend as much money let me know well it sounds like the plot of a sitcom this one's titled three's

company yeah i've heard of it before um i think it probably will end poorly somehow some way yes and uh but if you're okay with that then rock out it's i don't think it's one end poorly somehow, some way. Yes. But if you're okay with that, then rock out. I don't think it's one of those, like, do not do it. It's really not a good idea. But, like, let's say you all move to a new city or someone's broke or whatever and it works out. And let's say it's, like, a duplex and the couple's upstairs and you're downstairs. Like, there are circumstances where it's like, all right, it's not that bad. But they will break up soon.

It's two guys and a girl? I'm assuming, yeah. I actually – I know we used to make fun of Caleb for this because Caleb prefers to live with girls. Yeah. I can see the merits of it. Living with a couple? Yeah. Or not even just a couple, but at least having a girl there.

Yes, she sleeps with your roommate, but she's still there. I think that would almost be kind of like living – yeah, I guess they'll break up, but I don't know. Maybe not. I hope they won't. It almost keeps you honest in the sense that you mind your P's and Q's. You're a little cleaner. Although, I don't know. When girls get comfortable, they get grosser than guys. Yes, I've heard that.

I've never had a girl get comfortable with me. A girl guest is very different than a girl roommate. A girl roommate, everything starts, you know, everything's out in the open. It's like, oh, jeez, that was gross. That's true. Yeah. So now it's like you're dealing with, like, potentially, like, schmoopy schmoopy couple. You're dealing with, like schmoopy schmoopy couple. You're dealing with when they fight, and now you're also dealing with a girl getting comfortable and being gross.

But also the thing is too that I don't – maybe this couple is different. My couples that I've spent time with in my experience don't like to spend time with me. So you end up with pretty much an apartment to yourself. Right, right. Because they're hanging out in their room the whole time. Yep, that's true. So you just have this one forbidden room and then you have

a full apartment that's just your own and you don't have to pay for the whole thing. And so I think that you can do that but you just have to be aware that there is a potential

disaster waiting or they decide you're out or something like that. You know what I mean? I've just seen that in movies before. So just beware of the pitfalls. They decide you're out or something like that. You know what I mean? I've just seen that in movies before. It's like, you gotta know. So just beware of the pitfalls.

But go ahead. Yeah, I think definitely do it. I think I'd be totally fine with that. Give it a shot. I'm always the cool brother in my friends' couples. They tend to like me. I don't know why. Because I'm not a threat.

Makes one of us. Do you want to do this as final voicemail? Yeah. All right, last voicemail of the day is brought to you by Teeter. How's that back doing? Undefeated right now. I mean, the kid's been hanging upside down on a teeter. He has not had a back episode since.

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Hey, boys. I just want to get your take on this quote my mom gave to me freshman year of high school. So she just caught me with a girl in my house, and then she was giving me a big old talk about sex. And I can remember this clear as day. If a girl ever wants you to go down on her, there's something wrong with her. Now that just, like, threw me by a loop back then, and I just remembered it now, and I have no idea what the hell she was thinking.

So I'm going to get your guys' take on this. Diva. This guy's mom just does not want him eating pussy. I didn't even think about it like that. I thought this dude's mom just thinks he's gross. Some chick wants to fucking have your mouth on her privates. She's disgusting. Oh, my God.

If my mother ever talked to me directly, one way or the other, about going down on chicks, I would kill myself on the spot. Dude, parents are so myself on the spot. Dude, parents are so fucking weird, man. They just tell you horrible lies just to make you not do things that they don't like. I mean, that's what I plan on doing, yeah. I had apparently a racist family friend. Not family friends, but like a friend whose family was racist. And whenever we'd order Chinese food, they'd call it the C word for Chinese people.

Like a blank in your armor. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right, right. And so I was like 10, and one day I wanted Chinese food for dinner. Oh, no. So I said, let's get some blank food. Yeah. And my mom was like, what the hell did you just say?

I said, let's get some blank food. I didn't realize she was going to say that. I just thought that was the word for it, you know? She was, do you know what that means? I said, I don't. What does it mean? She was, it means penis. So until I was like 20, I thought the C word that's offensive to Chinese people meant penis.

That is the stupidest lie I've ever heard. I mean, I guess there was a moment where your mom was just like, well, am I going to dive into inappropriate racial slurs right now? No, we'll just go with dick. I'll just tell him he doesn't want to eat dick food. I respect your mom because it's just like playing the penis card to get you to stop doing that. Just like done. I don't stop doing it. That's very different than what we had here.

Yeah, this is the kind of thing that will put you in therapy. For life. Because for life. The rest of your life, girls are going to be asking you to go down on them. Oh, yeah, they like it. And you're immediately going to think of your mother. Your mother. And not only that, but your mother like chastising you or telling you no. This is some Norman Bates psycho shit. I was going to say, you're like going to think of your mother. Your mother. And not only that, but your mother, like, you know, chastising you or telling you no.

This is some Norman Bates psycho shit. I was going to say, you're like a dirty boy. Yeah, yeah. But not in a good way. Right. And you have to, any time now before you put your tongue inside a vagina, the last thing in your mind is going to be, my mom wouldn't like this. Yep. And no matter, even if you're thinking about, like, yeah, that was crazy when my mom said that. Like, I'd do it anyway. You're still thinking about your mom, no like this. Yep. And no matter, even if you're thinking about like, yeah, that was crazy when my mom said

that, like I do it anyway. You're still thinking about your mom no matter what. No matter what. You will never lick a clit without thinking of your mother. Never. Oh my God. So you know what? Like mission accomplished, mom.

If you really didn't want him going down on chicks, successful. To all the moms out there listening, you don't want your guy to go down on girls, tell him that because I would just never do it. Yeah, I know. And I don't do that. It wouldn't even just be that. Sex is over. Yeah, no, I mean, I'm asexual.

Just chop it off. Will you go down on me? Nope, that's it. Never mind. You're done. I'm going to put my pants back on. I'll see you later. Done.

I mean, talk about like mommy issues, man. It's like, that's it. You're fucking cooked. Yeah, you have to buy a hotel and become a murderer. Yeah, you know what? That's almost – And people will – Like if there's ever like a true crime story and they're like, yeah, like why did this happen?

Why did you murder like 17 girls across like 10 states? Oh, his mom told him if you ever go down on a girl, she's going to hate you. She's disgusting. There's something wrong with her. Yeah, there's something wrong with her. I mean, that's it. And I had to cleanse the world of girls with things wrong with them. Yep.

I mean, I would be like, oh, okay, makes sense. I don't blame him. I'm not even going to convict. I'll let him walk free. Yeah, he had some problems, but they weren't his fault. Throw his mom in jail. That's sick fuck. That's right.

She fucked up. Apparently it's hard, man. Dude, I was going to say, it's so hard. You say one wrong thing, and you get 17 dead bodies on your hands. That's tough blood to have, man. That's today's episode. Big shout-out to Jon Taffer. Big shout-out to Jon Feidelberg.

You brought the heat today, pal. Thanks, man. Today's episode was brought to you by BetDSI. They've been in business for over 20 years. They've been doing this as long as Jon Taffer's been married to his wife. That's crazy. When you're married to someone 20 years younger than you, and then you also have a 20-year marriage, that's some shit right there.

That's love. Yep. And that's the no white lies, which we disagree with. I didn't vehemently disagree with them. No, I mean I wholeheartedly disagree, you know, behind closed doors. But with the Augusta in front of me, I'll say, oh, okay, I get it, I get it. Anyway, BetTSI, you can use your sports knowledge to get some extra cash. You play it online, on the go, with the mobile playing interface.

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