KFC Radio - KFCradio: Ken Jeong

Episode Date: July 3, 2018

Star of Community, The Hangover and the upcoming Crazy Rich Asians, Ken Jeong stopped by to do what guests do on KFCR, completely eviscerate KFC and Feits. Did you know Ken Jeong is a doctor? And that he calls Sandra Bullock "Sandy"? And that he did a movie called Vampires Suck? Also KFC might need a Taco Bell intervention and Feits has trouble with white pants. Voicemails include: Girls Don't Own Plungers, Alcohol Calories, cartoon smokeshowsEpisode presented by:Felix Gray FelixGrayGlasses.com/kfc for free shipping on your orderBurrow burrow.com/kfc for $75 offLeesa leesa.com/barstool $160 offFor HIMS ForHims.com/kfc for free trialBetDSI promo code KFC25 for free $25 wagerYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's 4th of July week, yet we are still out here grinding away for you. Today's episode is brought to you by Felix Grey. You want to make sure those pretty eyes stay nice and you can have vision and your eyes aren't bleeding and turning bloodshot and gray. Just having life. Don't turn into us. I can't tell you how many people look at pictures of me and they just go like,

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I used to have beautiful eyes. They would pop. They had sparkle. You had the type of eyes that would go like, ding, like make a noise when you looked at John. Now, I think if you had to describe John's eye color, you'd say gray. Gray.

They're 100% gray. What kind of gray? Like, oh, like gunmetal gray. Like, oh, cloudy day gray. I was surprised when I was coming back from Portugal when I went through customs and they didn't say this is a fake passport. This doesn't work. It says you have blue eyes. You're right.

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Keep your eyes fresh from the digitalized strain. Look good. We got a big interview with Ken Jeong coming up. You know him, Dr. Chow from Hangover and Knocked Up. Senor Chang. Senor Chang. We sat down with him for like 40 minutes. He's just the funniest name for a camera chamber.

Senor Chang. Makes no sense. I love it. It's like a walking contradiction. He didn't even speak Spanish. So we got 40 minutes with him the other day. And if you remember, for those who have listened to our Joel McHale interview where Joel just like eviscerated us mostly John that time so like Joel McHale

murdered John and Ken Jeong murdered me in this one he just busted our balls the entire fucking time he was so fucking funny so good we thought we were getting 20 minutes he liked us he genuinely liked us

which is rare rare people don't And he just, he liked us. He genuinely liked us. Which is rare. Right. Rare. People don't like us, but he did. There were three people in that room. One of them liked us. It wasn't us.

It was weird, too. It was not a studio at Sirius. We were in an office that just had a table with microphones. So I don't know what that was all about. But the whole setting was weird. The people in the room didn't leave. And he also just rolled in, though. And I could tell he didn't have an entourage that was going to be like, all right, move it along, move it along, move it along.

I think we could have gone for like an hour. I was like, all right, I think I'm pretty much done here. I'm pretty much done getting emasculated by this tiny Asian man. So very cool interview with him. He was doing stand-up over the weekend. He's got a movie coming out in August, so make sure you check it out. Let's get into it, actually. This interview with Ken Jeong is brought to you by Burrow.

I just found out that Burrow works in this building. Did you know that? I didn't know that. I was like, oh. I've been thinking about going up there and saying, I need another couch. Yeah, I was going to say, how many of those have you got laying around? Just throw a second in there. Yeah.

We could always. See, John needs his sit couch and his sleep couch. Yeah. Because that way, at least John will feel like he's getting up to go somewhere else. Even if he just rolls over to another couch and sleeps on it, at least you have that, like, I was watching TV, and now I'm in my, quote, bed. And out of bed. You know that separation between work and home?

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That's B-U-R-R-O-W dot com slash KFC. Get $75 off your purchase. Get a quality couch delivered right to your apartment. And you can basically live on it. Ken Jeong, let's do it. It's KFC Radio featuring the one and only ken jong thank you guys for having me barstool we appreciate it man uh ken jong tough name right now with the political climate is there any like kim jong ken jong does that ever

uh come up in any form i feel like i hear ken i would say I was like Kim, Ken, Ken, John, Jing, John. No, no. They're just keeping it away from the harsh dictators, yeah? No, there's just a lot of talk about, you know, I get often confused with Kawhi Leonard. Who's like going to LA right now? Who might be going to LA? It's in the works like right now. Yeah. LA's putting a massive package for him. Look at who's ushering the deal. I'm so stressed out. Why am I doing this interview? I've got to be the ambassador right now before July 1st. Are you texting Lodge under the table?

I really am, guys. I'm not supposed to say it on the air, but I am. I'm texting. I'm really just getting guys. Ken bombs. Ken Lodge bombs. Yeah, yeah. Is it Lodge?

I always say Lodge. Lodge, Lodge, Lodge bombs. I feel like LeBronon is apparently gonna announce like in the trailer for space jam 2 we'll mention where he's gonna land which makes i think the ending yeah i think the ending of him is just him in the lakers uniform i mean the space jam 2 just has him like and it's either cleveland or la it's not gonna be like space jam he's gonna be on the rockets or something like that and so the salary cap salary cap, Bugs Bunny is like their point guard. Come on, guys.

Run out of ideas much, Hollywood? Are you a big NBA fan? I'm a big NBA fan. I'm a big NBA fan more than anything else, yeah. Really? Yeah, even more than college. That whole Duke spectacle you put on? Well, you guys made me famous out of that.

Oh, yeah, it was us. We got a lot of exposure out there. You're welcome, okay? Thank you. I just came. You guys, like, seriously, I think it was the Barstool Instagram that put something up. Yeah, they really just blew up. I got so many texts from friends.

Really? Yeah. It was like a collage of, like, someone just doing just me being really stupid, you know. You were just hyping up the crowd, right? Yeah, I was hyping up the crowd at the Duke Carolina game. I like how you give us a littleage of like someone just doing just me being really stupid you know you're just hyping up the crowd right yeah i'm just hyping up the crowd the duke carolina game was i like how you give us a little bit of credit i uh in credit to you i think you were pretty big before uh barcelona instagram posted about you it might have gone viral anyway just a thought just thank you guys i was fishing for that compliment you know took a little longer than usual but so uh you're you're at you're gonna be be at Caroline's?

Yeah, at Caroline's. So you still do the stand-up tour? Well, yeah, this is my first time doing stand-up in 10 years. Oh, wow, really? Yeah, and so I just started back up at the end of January, and I have a Netflix special that I'll be taping in September back in L.A. So it's kind of like— Is that why you do it?

Yeah. To get the Netflix? Right now, yeah. It's kind of like it's just nice to have a deadline to shoot for. So you're kind of under the gun. And but it's great. You know, you're getting paid to rehearse around the country. So it's so I'm doing six shows here and really all that's really kind of circling the Netflix date. So it's just nice. I just look at every show as a workshop.

And you started stand up in New Orleans, right? Yeah, I started stand-up around med school time in my medical training. Oh, you're a doctor. Yeah, because I was a doctor. Did I say that? Oh, yeah, no, I was an MD. Yeah, a doctor. That's a funny thing.

Oh, it's no big deal. The way you say that is such a flex. No, I just healed the fucking sick. All right? Sorry, I'm not some fucking douchebag, like, slipping on a banana peel, throwing a baseball, which is the brand. You just described a video idea. You guys are like, oh, my God, that's a great idea. Let me jot it down.

Yeah. No, some people did fucking good in society. Change the world. Yeah, somebody change the fucking world. Someone's got to refill those Zantac prescriptions. What made you stop and be like, I'm tired of being a good person? Probably a bowl of fucking money. I have the excuse I never was

I set the bar low and I'd fucking walk over it every day but you have this high bar I know the fallen angel syndrome is that what happened when I was at Duke I took I got bitten by the acting bug at Duke so I took like theater classes I actually wanted to be an actor

even before I was a doctor and I was always I kind of like out of I Koreaned myself into staying through med in many ways. And my dad was like – he really wasn't in favor of it either at that time because he was like, I know you're talented, but you're not – I mean think about it. You're a guy with your look. What's the – the realistic chances of a guy like you succeeding is minimal and i agree even at 18 i was like you know you got a point so i always had a fear and kind of a healthy um kind of just cautious look to entertainment i just don't this is this the you know sports and entertainment is in many ways is a lottery system, you know.

And but if you're like, look at the three of us, if we're blessed to do this for a living, I mean, that's kind of the victory. So in many ways, you know, we've all beaten the odds except for him. I mean, so I think I think so. I was really just I was just very cautious and maybe at that time like very much like almost leveraging the realities of a day job. Like if The Hangover had never happened, I would have found a way to be happy. I mean there was a time where I was just practicing medicine. I had an HMO in LA. I was married.

All my friends – I had all my friends like who were doctors but who liked comedy, and then they would just come to the laugh factory and watch me do stand-up so that would have been you know what people don't be just yeah i treated it like a hobby so i was always like you know if it doesn't succeed yeah i would want more but look i'm at a certain level now and we always want more so it's just like it never ends so to me you know i want i really was prepared to be happy with the reality i had but i was always just kind of trying to trying to test the boundaries how many that's a ballsy move i mean it's a little bit of champagne problems like should i be a doctor or an actor no i know it really like you know you when you've succeeded in a major way to kind of risk that all and i know it was all step by step i mean knocked up was the first movie that i did and i shot that while on my day job

so i just auditioned for that movie when how long did you yeah i just i practiced for seven years and and i auditioned for knocked up got lucky and got the part and um and i shot that during a vacation week and it's a very crazy story and uh and judd and i i was very fortunate enough to have some really good moments in that movie and judd was like you're in my discovery i'm gonna put you in all my stuff and oh wow you know that's yeah you get that and then you know you can make the jump yeah and it was like and and still i was still thinking about keeping my day job because i was i was a partner at where i worked i was tenured i can't get fired it's like a six-figure job for the rest of your life you get benefits you get a pension you can walk into every exam naked right yeah you're

tenured it's like fucking here you go dude i can examine people with just like butterscotch on my peen. You know what I mean? And so I told him. Sure. Yeah. If that's what it means, bitch. That's where your brain goes. Sure.

That's where the brain went. And my one-man show, Butterscotch Peen, will be off Broadway. That's an every special. But it's an every special. But my wife, who's also a doctor, she was the one who encouraged me to quit. She was like – because I was getting depressed at work, and I just – she was noticing I was getting really moody and really grumpy. And we had just gotten married, and she was like, you know what? The way you were raised, you have this kind of guilt or almost a fear of certain kinds of success.

I know. Korean and Irish are very similar. Yes. Very similar. And my wife was like, I'm not going to get in your way of success or failure. And, you know, and I was like, I give her a lot of credit, and she gave me the confidence to quit my job. She's a doctor too, right?

She's a doctor too. So that's nice to be like, look, I can cover up. Yeah. Yeah. I was her Scott Disick or whatever. my job she's a doctor too right so that's nice to be like look i can cover up yeah mama yeah yeah i was her scott disick or whatever i was like you know i was a guy that you know i could just kind of freeload for a while which i really did kind of free for a couple years you know bagging groceries it's like honey you got to stay as a doctor yeah yeah exactly was there a time though i mean you know i did something similar i was accountant, and then there was an overlap. That's not the same.

No, it wasn't. It wasn't. But I, you know, you saved a Bitcoin's life. I mean, no. No, it's not the same. Touché, touché. No, no, I'm more important than you. More important than you. More important than you.

I just know that I was horrible at it down the stretch where I was depressed and grumpy. But I can just sit there and fuck around on a keyboard and you're a horrible, grumpy doctor. That's not so good, man. It's not so good. If I walked into your practice and it was like, oh, you're focusing on acting. I want a new doctor here. This guy doesn't give a shit about me. Yeah, Ken, there have been too many kills lately.

And it's just been, you just, no, you really. After Knocked Up, you really just went downhill. Do you, the doctor, pal? After Knocked Up, you really are just. Mailing it in. Do you. Mailing it in and only take care of celebrities, you know. Oh, John Apatow's here.

Yeah, I mean, yeah. If someone's not bleeding out of their Oscar, you know, then don't call me. Go ahead. Do you still keep up on stuff't call me go ahead do you still keep up on stuff like that like do you still keep up on medicine i do a little bit like i still technically have my license to practice right but my wife i mean i really don't i just be able to tell these jokes that's it yeah i see right through you dude yeah it's just so you don't if you can't call yourself doctor this whole bit ends so i can do a Barstool podcast. Keep that story alive. Is that my Barstool voice? Yeah, you got it.

Great. I love the Barstool podcast. That was my, hey, I love the breakfast hot dogs I had in catering. Great. Great breakfast hot dogs. I'll tell you what, you're pretty, you've done your research on this. You're up on it, pal. That's embarrassing.

I got a, thank you for letting me sing. You guys are so haven't been to a doctor in 10 years so i got just like two quick questions for you one when i sneeze my right arm goes numb what's that all about yeah you have a sneeze stroke my back all the time i haveuh. Duh. My back. All the time I have like a seizure. Like probably once a week, once or twice a week. Like spasms? I have to get down, roll around on the ground, bring my knees to my chest. I have a spasm. And it hurts a real lot.

So are you, I mean, do you have any tingling that goes down your legs at all? No, it just stays like lower back. Kind of, maybe it works around the core a little bit, but mostly lower back. Oh, you're found. Oh, that's right. Oh, you're an obese piece of shit. Oh, yeah, you're a fat piece of shit. That's right.

Idus. I actually have a buddy who started seeing a new doctor who's really obese, and I kept telling him all these problems, and the doctor's response to every single one was, well, I'll lose a few pounds. We'll talk about it. Yeah, yeah. You do kind of – as a doctor, you're always very careful to say, just watch your weight and just kind of watch your BMI, your body mass index.

And it is kind of nice as being known as chow. I can just kind of get away with anything. I always have that free like, you're fat. I can say that now and get away with it but as a doctor you yeah you have to be very very careful as Chao I feel like you have two kind of like signature moments

that as far as like the internet is concerned one both very gif-able moments the gifs are all over the place one is the jerk off and the other is ha gay that wasn't Chaow, right? That was from Community. But just as your characters in general.

Senior Chang. Thanks, bro. Community is so underrated. So underrated. It is like the best writing of any TV show. It was so, so great. Community fans are rabid. Community 30 Rock in the office when they were, that was unbelievable.

Golden age of TV, at least on broadcast. I was, and I remember that time, I was like, I feel like that was the golden age of television. We actually had Joel McHale on, probably. He just, if you think you're roasting us, he smoked us. He didn't even roast, he like psychoanalyzed this kid, like broke him down to a very depressing extent. I know, here's how Joel, I mean, I just saw Joel a week ago, so we're best friends. He like psychoanalyzed this kid, like broke him down to a very depressing extent. I know. Here's how Joel – I mean I just saw Joel a week ago.

So we're best friends. He's like, hey, nice shirt. What does Salvation Army – and yeah, wow, nice stubble there. Are you going to douche con? Hey. Well, he literally roasts everybody. He literally roasts like a bottle of water. Oh my god. Poland Springs, what?

I couldn't get into Arrowhead? He's just like, so? All right, Joel. And he's got a look in his eyes. We have a ninja where on Community, he would – there's a gleam in his eyes. And I could – I did six years, like 110 episodes with him. And he has a gleam in his eye when he's nosy about the zing guy. And I would start laughing before the zing.

You knew, yeah. And there were moments where he'd get that gleam. I would start giggling, and then he would start giggling. And we would just, like the joke. You didn't even need to tell a joke. Just do the joke in the eyes. And then the two of us would just be collapsing with laughter. And people were like, oh, my God.

The inside joke has become too inside. It doesn't hurt that he's like 11 feet tall. He's just like a caricature of a human. And you know, deep down inside, he's the nicest, coolest guy in the world. Afterwards, he was like, thank you for letting me just completely emasculate you guys on your own show. I know. That should be our new show.

Come make fun of us. We're very good at that. The punching bag. You come make fun of us. You do the punching bag. We bag you come make fun of us you do the punching bag we'll just sit here we're two idiots you can look on the couch and be like hey Joe

cool it down that was great that was great now for the interview just throw in a Lakers reference you know make it relevant we also

sat down with Jimmy O. Yang once that was a few months ago. Jimmy's the best. Jimmy's great. And he mentioned – He was like a doctor too. He was a strip club DJ.

Yes. He had a profession. Yeah, he had a profession. He had a path, a career path before this. He was the doctor of catering at the buffet. He filled us in a little bit on the new movie coming out, which is Crazy Rich Racist. It's the most racist movie in the world. It's not Crazy Rich Racist. It's the most racist movie in the world. It's not Crazy Rich Racist.

It's Crazy Rich Asians. I think you read the copy wrong. I know that the book is based on Asian people, but you can put some white people in the ask. We do it all the time, white folks. We take Asian people and we make them white. You're yellow washing. You're yellow washing.

It's perfectly fine. We do it almost all the time. It's actually really easy. Just like Matt Damon defended the Great Wall of China. Last Samurai. We'll be right back after this right now. It's actually the first all-Asian cast in a studio movie since Joy Luck Club. Right.

Like 25 years. And it is kind of like, to your point, it studio movie since Joy Luck Club. Right. Like 25 years. And it is kind of like, to your point, it's like this dynasty for Asians. You know, like the series, like Dallas or Dynasty for Asians. And it's the book, like my wife and I are big fans of the book. And it's about, it's just like, it is symbolic of like the difference between like new money and old money. That's really highlighting the book. Like even the old billionaires look down on the new new billionaires they don't know how to spend their

fucking money right and it's like the level of snobbery it's just it's appealing it's it's incomprehensible in the book and it's based on truth and and just reading about it and just how dizzying for like constance woo's character to kind of not knowing that she's married into this old money it's it's but it's played to such it's it's it's so outlandish yet incredibly real and michelle yo is like the from crouching tiger hidden dragon she's like the matriarch of the old money family. She's just brutal. In just a quick trailer, she's like a badass movie. One scene that

is a little bit different from the book and boy, it is my favorite scene in the movie and it's just cutting. She's like, you'll never be enough. That one was rough. It was fucking rough. But it was so great and my favorite day, I only have basically a cameo, a tiny part in the movie.

But my favorite day was the last day of filming. We're all in Singapore, like all 25 people. None of us have lines. It's like the last scene of the movie. And me and Jimmy and Ronnie Chang from The Daily Show is in it. Nico Santos from Superstore. You have all these, like, Gemma Chan from Britain

who was in the Transformers movie. So you have this amazing cast and we've all been like that Asian, we've all been that fourth or fifth lead Asian in that movie or TV show. And all of us were, I've never been in a movie where everyone were, not only A, looked like me,

but B, we all went through the same thing. It was just like, oh, I've never been in a movie where everyone where not only A, looked like me, but B, we all went through the same thing. It was just like, oh, I've never and I've never felt more comfortable and more myself. Yeah. And that was empowering. I mean, and I think we've developed like life like Awkwafina plays my daughter in the movie. And we're just now like me and Awkwafina and Jimmy. We're just like so tight. It's not even I don't know.

Jimmy was telling us he told his agent that he wants to be the lead in the movie. He said there's this movie coming out called Crazy Rich Asians. It's an all-Asian cast. I want to be the handsome lead. And Jimmy's agent said, Jimmy. And now that was funny enough. But now that we've seen the trailer and we see the guy who is the lead who looks like a cart. I mean, the chisel from stone. Gratuitous abuse in the trailer.

I'm like, Jimmy, you had no fucking shot, man. Are you kidding me? I think Jimmy is honestly, I think he's funny. I think he's like one of the hottest talents today right now, not just Asian. I think he's just one of the funniest. I think Jin Yang on Silicon Valley. Incredible. I was just texting Jimmy yesterday funny, I mean, Jin Yang on Silicon Valley. I literally was just,

I was on a, I was just texting Jimmy yesterday, but I was on YouTube. They had the best of Jin Yang, like seasons one to five. And I'm on a plane and I've seen every episode of Silicon Valley. And I'm like by myself, just how, how he's,

we didn't, we didn't really know what to expect with the interview with him. And he came in and just like about, he was, he knew what he was talking about. He was so fucking funny. He's definitely the funniest Asian we've ever had on the show. All right, so you can catch Ken and Caroline.

Oh, wait, you never, so wait, I never got an answer. What do you think is the more like memorable, the jerk off or the gay? Or what do you think is funnier? I think. What do you think is the more memorable, the jerk-off or the gay? Or what do you think is funnier? What do you see the most? I get the jerk-off. Do people just run up to you in the street like, hey, you're that guy. Like, I'm jerking off on your face. Can I get a picture?

Yeah, I'm jerking off on you. Yeah, I'm with my kids and my priest right now. Can we let the masturbation thing go for just a moment, please? Yeah, I'm with my kids and my parents right now. Could we let the masturbation thing go for just a moment, please? Yeah, maybe. That's a funny thing to have your signature. Let them go. It's just like, yeah. You mentioned that.

Bukkake of freedom. What? What happened? You mentioned that. With the butterscotch? What? The Crazy Rich Asians, it was your most empowering movie. It seems like probably your most fun on set.

I had a great time on set. John Chu is the director. He directed everything from step-up movies to G.I. Joe Retaliation to Justin Bieber. I mean, he did the Bieber documentary. We were really good. We were really documentary. And so we're really good. We're really good. Okay. We're really good friends.

That's enough. All right. Well, he's got a list of sex icons. He's got Tatum. He's got Bieber and you. It gets progressively downhill. Shorter and flattier. That's like, it's just, it's's like It's after three Sam Adams

Goes down Alright he looks at me Alright you'll do What's the worst set? Say it again What's the worst set? Cause we looked up We looked up your best and worst

Rotten Tomatoes before we came in Best and worst what movies? Yeah like set Yeah Like what was your worst one? My worst movie? Yeah If you had to guess

If you had to guess Rotten Tomatoes score There's so many What's your worst movie? There's so many to choose If you had to guess. If you had to guess Rotten Tomatoes score. There's so many. What was your worst movie? There's so many to choose from. And I'm sure there's one that really stands out as pretty low on the Tomatoes scale. There's been, to me, that's the – I really try – and that sounds so cliche. Yes, we're all affected by the good and bad reviews and the box office performance.

But I've done it for so long where I'm at a point right now I just want to – I just do it for me. It's called being rich. You have a ton of fucking money. I mean that's why I'm crazy rich Asians. I'm crazy. I'm rich. So I'm in, boys. And it was – like in my office I have like a couple of hangover posters, and I have this – one of my favorite movies I ever did that was not well-received commercially or critically was All About Steve with Sandra Bullock, Bradley Cooper, Thomas Hayden Church.

And it's in my office because that was like the second movie I'd ever booked. My biggest part I had at that time, and I was there on set for three months, andra bullock kind of i beat out a lot of people for that role and sandra book was the main producer and kind of leap of faith it's like oh this guy just did knocked out but hire him and kind of like i don't know i want another guy to do it and then she took everybody else's advice and it was one it honestly was one of the best experiences i ever had and midway through filming she called me out of the blue it's like i just want to know you're doing a great job and just i still had i kept that voicemail for like two years, that co-sign. And she – yeah, it was like I just – out of the blue, she's such a man.

She's one of the realest people in the world. And Awkwafina just did Ocean's 8 with Sandy, and Sandy was just like, you just tell Ken I'm so proud. And I got choked up because she was so – she's like a big sister to me, man. She just really gave me the confidence when I needed it. I didn't – I was green as grass. I didn't know anything about my coverage or my single or a close – I didn't know shit. I remember Sandra had said in the EPK behind the scenes, it's like Thomas Hayden Church was just hot off of Sideways at that time. He's a movie star.

Bradley Cooper is an upcoming movie star. And they said, what about working with ken and she said without any hint of irony she goes ken honestly looks like he can't believe he's here i was so scared and nervous and i still like so i it's show up to work like are you sure yeah yeah and i was still allowed on this okay he did like i mean even when i got to set i remember the the security guard would not let me in base camp for all the trailers because he could not believe I was the fourth lead of the movie. The Hangover had not come out. I was not famous. I don't think Knocked Up came out.

And literally I had to call the second AD. Can you let me in and show my driver's license? I'm the fourth lead in the movie so it was one of those movies i felt like i although it like the behind the scenes of it i felt like i i grew up and i learned about the business and bradley cooper i taught i did that movie a full year before the hangover with bradley and so he kind of helped teach me the nuances of like some camera acting it was just it was really cool i like it was like an acting school you know that's awesome yeah it was really cool so i think all about steve is That's awesome. Yeah, it was really cool. So I think All About Steve is just kind of one of my favorite experiences

I've ever had that no one would ever think. What did you think about Vampire Suck? Vampire Suck, I did that for a yacht. And it was a great yacht. And I love money. And it's just – i just bought a house and um i tell you what didn't suck my mansion so again i i i love those guys who do and they you know and they have their i love the guy like seltzer and friedman they They're beautiful in like letting me kind of – they basically were big fans, and they just kind of let me do my thing.

And it was one of the – again, behind the scenes, one of the coolest sets in the world. It was one of the – everyone – no one was like a douchebag or a diva. And every Friday, they'd give me like a sick all the cast if they if they drank beers you know they're like they would just give cast like a six pack of beers in their trailer hey you know what i mean like that's like yeah if you offered me that i'd pop up like kramer when he does like the coffee negotiation where they're like free coffee for life yes we'll give you six beers on for every friday and a hundred thousand dollars i think no no yeah i mean so and $100,000. I was like, no, no, sex and beer is good. Say no more. So I got a case of beer and a yacht.

There's a accounted fucking asshole. The worst. The fucking worst, man. The fucking worst. I got bored during tax season. asshole. The worst. The fucking worst, man. The fucking worst. Oh, my God. I got bored during tax season, so I started doing the hottest barmaid kind of thing.

Barmaid? I don't know. Barmaid. Barmaid. Try to tie it in. I'm actually surprised about knowing that hot dog thing. Are you, like, reading and listening to Barstool? What?

I'm a fan. I follow Barstool on Instagram, and I'm a big fan. And one of my best friends who co-created Dr. Ken with me, he's from Chicago. And I was actually doing this um the story behind breakfast hot dogs i actually directed this uh 30 for 30 short is it like 15 minutes short on um reggie ho who's this kicker for notre dame who would like basically won lou holtz's only championship in 88 and so he is he was a walk-on football kicker and he was pre-med and became a doctor so he is – he was a walk-on football kicker, and he was pre-med and became a doctor. So he's like Irish legend, and he became a doctor, and ESPN approached me because I was a doctor who became someone famous.

So I directed this film. Thank – it's all relative. Don't hate on my thing. And then I directed – so I directed the movie, and he is the sweetest guy in the world with the sweetest family, just the most beautiful family. And we always envisioned – like Mike O'Connell, he would say, well, what if Reggie ended up marrying someone from Notre Dame, just this Irish broad? And I'd be like, hey, Reggie. Come on in, Mr. Chow. Would you like some breakfast hot dogs? Would you like some breakfast hot dogs?

Would you like some breakfast hot dogs? That just became this big in-joke while we were filming. Breakfast hot dogs. Don't knock it, man. Breakfast hot dogs? Kevin was talking about breakfast hot dogs literally just this week. Like a week ago, I was like, I'm just done with the whole social constructs. Tell him about all the tang you got in college.

No, I don't want to do that. Tell him about the tang, Reggie. I'm okay. I'm secure with it. That was like the ins of college. No, I don't want to do that. Tell him about the tang, Reggie. I'm okay. I'm secure with it. That was like the end joke. There is a viral, like an old viral trend term being kicked around

right now this week and it stems from Pete Davidson. Now he's dating Ariana Grande. They are calling it Big Dick Energy. I don't have that. I was going to say, you're famous for having a hammer. You're a small dick energy star.

That just kind of saves it, you know? After talking to you now for, I don't know how long we've been talking, but I think you've got it. You've got it. That's a big dick energy. I was going to say, I think you have the big dick energy. You definitely do. That's it. You for sure got it. You've got it. That's a big dick energy. I was going to say, I think you have the big dick energy. Definitely. That's it. You for sure got it.

Forever. If my mouth was a dick, I'd be Ron Jeremy. I mean, I think that's what it is. Wait a minute. Let's let that one marinate. If my mouth was a dick, I'd be Ron Jeremy. Put that on a fucking t-shirt. Yeah, that's a t-shirt.

Own it. Wow. I mean, yeah, I'd be Ron Jeremy. Put that on a fucking t-shirt. Yeah, that's a t-shirt. Own it. Wow. I mean, yeah, you got it, man. You got big dick energy. Thanks, bro. Thanks. A little dick in real life and big dick energy. Exactly.

Oh, man. Great stuff. We really appreciate you coming by. So you'll be at Caroline's? Yeah, I'll be at Caroline's. For how long? For Thursday through Sunday doing six shows there. And yeah.

And that Crazy Rich Asians is out on August 15th. It's not racist. It's Crazy Rich Asians. It's going to be August 15th everywhere. And you know, I mean,

you hang over and community knocked up. You've had a pretty awesome career and then that whole doctor thing. Enough of that. What is this, my epitaph? I mean, it's just like, guys,

I'm just saying, this is my fucking eulogy? I mean, Jesus. Yeah, well, listen. Guys. I'm just saying, your 15 minutes are probably up soon. That's all. So thank you.

It's been a good 15. Thank you. It's been fun. This is how I always envisioned my career to end, to be with an accountant. Camera left. This is just an accountant and a doctor talking. I always envisioned my end of my career. Yeah.

You owe me taxes. D'oh! I love the chow laugh. The chow laugh gets going. It's so good. I thought that was fake, that laugh. It's real. I get that.

I bet you everyone's always like, are you faking it? Like, no, it's just how I laugh, man. I get how I laugh. I do. I am known for a loud laugh. I love that. Yeah, I love it. It's good stuff.

Thank you, man. Really appreciate it. Thank you, guys. Ken Jeong brought to you by Lisa. Lisa, if you do want to get off your couch and you want to go sleep in a high-quality bed, Lisa Mattresses is the best mattress in the game. How much is their discount now, John? Just give me a guess.

$110. $160. No kidding. It was at $120, $140. Now we're at $160. I was super low. And I do keep saying... I'm sorry to Lisa Mattresses. I'm also sorry to Lisa Mattresses because this is just bad

business because the discount just keeps going up every week. I would be like, I'm not sorry to Lisa Mattresses because this is just bad business because the discount just keeps going up every week. I would be like, I'm not going to buy a mattress yet because the discount's going to just go up another $20. But what if it goes down? Right, and there it lies. What if you go back to the original? Right, what if all of a sudden it is a paltry $110 discount? Lisa.com slash Barstool.

You can get this for $160 off. So that means that if you're in the market for a twin, the twin start at just $525. So that means you're getting a mattress in the threes. That means you're getting a mattress for what, like $370? Mattresses are so expensive. $375? That's nuts.

If you can get $120, $160 off a mattress, you got to take it. You have to. I mean, if you get a mattress in the $300 range, that's like a heavy bar bill. You have like one bad night at the bar. It's three something. You can sleep on this mattress for life for $375. It's crazy.

So get the best mattress money you can buy right now. You get to sleep on it for 100 nights risk-free. They will deliver it right to your apartment. It just unfolds out of the box. You don't have to worry about moving it and lugging it around and like i said the best price out there starts at just 525 uh and 160 bucks off when you go to lisa.com slash barstool it's l-e-e-s-a.com slash barstool ken jong i mean that's a that's a big fucking star right now really like he's never gonna be he was he hasn't been like the leading man really but like that's he if you really think about it he's got to be

one of the most recognizable guys actors on the planet you know 100 a lot of actors no matter what you kind of have to put their name and then their major role in parentheses afterwards yeah almost everybody there are very very few actors in the world who you don't have to do that for. Right. Ken Jeong is one of them. Brad Pitt, Ken Jeong. Yeah. It strangely is.

Even though he's never had a leading role, everyone knows who Ken Jeong is. And everyone also will say this. I wish we brought this up during the interview. I would venture to say he might be the single most unanimously beloved actor out there. Have you ever met someone who's like, I fucking hate that guy from The Hangover? You know, chow, jerk off. I don't think I've ever heard a bad word about him.

No, nor have I. He's just one of the more universally accepted, it's just like the funny, weird Asian guy. You know what's crazy, too? There's nothing to dislike about him. People in Hollywood, everyone we talk to at least they seem like they're actually friends with everybody yeah like with their with their people their co-workers you kind of hear that stuff about hollywood how it's kind of you know dog eat dog cut your throat

blah blah blah almost everyone we talk to says you know oh yeah in our group text about right you know some well you know what's funny is is that the main shows that stick out have been Parks and Rec and Community. And those shows very, are very different than the rest of like shows. And maybe that's why, like, I don't know if it's a chicken and the egg sort of thing, but it's like, did they, is it that much? Is it, is it a cult classic because they have like a group text and everyone's like chilling and fun? Or is it, they do, they do that because it already is a cult classic.

Either way, it's interesting to see that there's those groups out there who are like, oh, yeah, me and Joel, me and Chris, you know, it's wild. That was a very, the thought of those two idiots, like, wreaking havoc on a Hollywood set together, too. Probably like, Jesus Christ, Ken and Joel, shut the fuck up. We just want to get through this scene, man. Talking about the glimmer in Joel's eye. Yeah, that was, listen, we've thought, I don't know if we said this during the recording or afterwards.

I think our new angle, any Hollywood or any famous people or anybody out there who wants to be interviewed, is just come on our show and roast us. Those are by far the most enjoyable interviews we do for us and for them. I would so much rather just bust balls than be like, and then one time you did this movie, tell me about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Be like, go ahead, fucking make fun of me and I'll make fun of you. It's all good. The accountant line, I mean, I've been laughing about that. Yeah, no, it's not the same thing at all.

Yeah, yeah. No, it's not the same thing. I saved lives. You did Excel spreadsheets. I wanted to, I wanted to, I would love to really get a true, honest, like he does just keep renewing his doctor's license just to be able to fucking say he's a doctor. You know what I mean?

I forget his name, but the lineman for the Chiefs who just did that, who wants a doctor on his jersey. Right, it's like, you're an asshole. Yeah, yeah. Like, you're just doing that to be able to be like, yeah, I'm a doctor. It's very funny stuff from him though that that uh that asian movie crazy rich asians actually looks pretty good it looks great yeah it looks very very very might have to be uh updating our rom-com list which we shot the other

day uh logan's probably in the process of putting it all together so he's in the process i think of getting kidnapped in cuba correct he's like he went like deep sea fishing in Cuba. Did he get detained? He went to Louisiana or Alabama or something first. And then he was like, and then we're going to jump over to Cuba. I was like, are you going to do what? I was like, are you allowed to do that? He's like, yeah, I don't really know yet. I thought I had to worry about him like working with other people. I was like, if you start

doing videos with YP, you're not going to have enough time. I didn't think we were going to like, you know, have trouble getting him back into the country. I didn't know I had to warn him against that. Like, okay. Fucking. That's why I don't leave the house, man. It is.

I mean, that's kind of one of those things where you think like Trump might just, that was Obama who opened the borders. Trump might just be saying, Obama did it, I'm out. Anything he did, I'm gone. There's a chance he just closes the gate while Logan's over there. You better have access to Dropbox because we got a bunch of videos you need to edit. We are in need of a video editor

if anyone's out there. So I think I might be... I had a moment. Let's just say this. I had a moment that may rival your movie story. I had an Alone Together moment the other day. Pray tell. So I wanted to go see Jurassic World since we have Alone Together coming up at some point later this month.

I don't know if we decided it. We want everyone to go see Jurassic World alone. Then we're going to hit up the happy hour together and talk about it. So I had a couple hours to myself. I decided to go see it. First of all, I fucked up the, I was looking at the wrong theater. So Ocean's 8 was the only thing that was relatively at the same time as me. I don't want to even fucking see that movie, but whatever.

I'm not committed. Oh, you saw it? No. Oh. No. I'll tell you why. So I'm on this, I decide to go to the movie alone. And I am on this serious Taco Bell binge. Hardcore.

I did know this. You got it delivered to the office the other day. Yes. I had it three meals in a row. I got it delivered to the office for lunch. I had it for dinner. And I had it for lunch the next day. And I get at least three cheesy gordita crunches every time,

sometimes four. I've probably had 40 cheesy gordita crunches in the past week. Come on, that's got to be a little bit high, right? I mean, I could look at my DoorDash and do it. I mean, I get three or four every time. I would probably say it's, I've done it eight times, I'd probably say it's like 24 cheesy gordita crunches in the past, past like 10 days.

It's wild. Kevin, it wasn't long ago. It was two weeks ago maybe. You said you were trying to get back on your gym shit. Back on the straight and narrow. Didn't happen. Didn't happen. I really was set and then the Cheesy Gordita Crunch calls me like a

fucking siren. Just like just tempts me. And I also just like recently, not recently discovered it, but just recently started using DoorDash. That's a motherfucker. Because it's just like whatever you want. You know, like ordinarily I wouldn't get out, drive to the fucking Taco Bell to get it. And ordinarily you can't get delivery Taco Bell. Well, now you can because we're living in the goddamn future and you just have slaves on your phone that will do everything for you.

I did that with Postmates. I did DoorDash with Boston. Yeah, Postmates, DoorDash, Uber Eats, whatever. No matter what, you have someone who can just go get it for you. So every day when you ask me, like, am I allowed to have this? Am I allowed to have that? You know it's just like, it doesn't matter

if you have a coffee without sugar if you're going to eat six Gordita Crunchies. I've always told you that dinner is like, all bets are off. Because when I go home, it's just like, you know, that's a different story. I need to just survive, and I'm not trying to like watch my carbs for dinner. I have to eat everything during the day.

Listen, if I shape up the daytime hours, it'll still go a long fucking way because all of it was a goddamn disaster. That's how I view it. So I want my three cheesy gordita crunches while I'm at the movies. So I go and I get them and I, and the movie, the movie theater is like just a little like ways down the block. So I just, well,

I figure out how I'm going to smuggle in my cheesy gordita crunches. And so I, you've had them, you know what I'm talking about? I don't have had that. Okay. So it's like, I've seen you eat them.

It's like, yeah. So it's like a hard taco loaded up and then wrapped in like a soft taco chalupa type thing. So they got some weight to them, you know? know so i take i have to put on a hoodie it's 99 degrees i put on a hoodie my 11 hoodie i put one cheesy gordita in like the lap pocket i put one cheesy gordita in my pocket one cheesy gordita in the other pocket i'm walking in you can hear my papers like crinkling, chips like crackling.

I get in. For those of you from my area, I'm at the Alamo Drafthouse in Yonkers. It's also one of those like order food while you're there. Oh, it's the restaurant one? Yeah, so I don't even know. They brought food in? Yes. So I'm like, I don't even know how I'm going to do this, but we're going to fucking figure it out.

I walk up to the guy. I'm like, give me Ocean's 8. There's like nothing else playing right now. He's like, no, yeah, Ocean's 8 is it it and you've got the last seat in the whole joint i was like what the fuck oceans eight still popping like that what time was this so this is like uh this is yesterday at like 2 15 what so i'm like to 2 15 sunday show i guess it was so hot well no listen so i'm like okay this is weird whatever. I'll figure this out. Again, because I'm also thinking, like, it's one of those, like,

I thought it was one of those, like, date type of ones where you have, like, a table and two seats, you know? No. So I was thinking maybe, because if I was the last seat, maybe I would have that. It's, like, a little bit removed, you know. I walk in. This is the strangest movie theater in the world.

There was, like, 14 seats. It was the tiniest. It was no bigger than the studio okay and and it just had seats and it had like a little shelf was like your your table it was like almost like a shelf at a bar that you would like lean on or put your beer on and there's one seat left and it's in the front row and i'm next to like several children and so i walk in and i'm walking all carefully because i'm loaded up with cheesy gordita crunches i'm like there's my seat and i start to like shuffle through to

get to my seat because it's also in the goddamn middle and i like sit down for a second and i look to my left and i look to my right where they're like coming like the rest of the other people are about to file in and i was like like, nope, I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't whip out three cheesy gordita crunches from off my person in this, the tiniest, what is this, a movie theater made for ants? The tiniest movie theater in the world while I sit through a movie I have zero fucking interest in watching. So in the face of a choice between watching a movie and eating cheesy gordita crunches, now, not

later. You could have just saved them. You opted for option two. They were so fresh, you can't save those. They go so bad so quick. I walked out, I went back to my car, I cranked the air conditioning, and I ate three cheesy gordita crunches in my car. And I went to the pool. Went and met my kids at the pool afterwards.

I was like, kids, if you knew just how pathetic daddy really is. That is, that's sad. That's rock bottom. That's some sad. It's rock bottom. Just sitting in the car outside of a movie theater, which you'd purchase a ticket to. Mm-hmm. And just eating.

$13 down the drain. Three Gigi G could eat a crunch. You know how excited I was to go? It was like I finally had some time alone. I was going to go to the theater. I was going to sit in darkness in like the perfect air conditioning. I thought I was going to see Jurassic World. But whatever.

Even Ocean's 8. It's like, whatever. I don't care. I'll sit through a movie all by myself. And I was going to eat the exact food I wanted to eat. I was going to get a gallon of Coke in there. It was going to be so delightful. Instead, they had to put me in this

goddamn movie theater closet and I couldn't do it. I think I need an intervention on so many levels. The first one is Taco Bell. Guess what I had 90 minutes ago. Taco Bell? But now I'm done.

See, now I've made it public and it's a thing and I'll be shamed for it. So now I'm done. It's almost what I need to do with everything in my life is put it out there. I'll be shamed. It works. It does work. Fat shaming should be. Shame is the only thing.

We just did it when we were filming that video the other day. I saw myself. I said, oh boy. Guess what? I've been to the gym every single day since. I went to the gym this morning. 6.30 this morning. Look at you. Because I look so fucking fat. Look at myself. I said, oh boy, guess what? I've been to the gym every single day since I went to the gym this morning. 6.30 this morning. Look at you. Because I look so fucking fat. I mean, I... I also just wear

black t-shirts. Is it the fall yet? Can we put on sweaters yet? God damn it. I'm actually wearing my ensemble today. I'm wearing a very nice black t-shirt and white pants. Which we texted. I went to the bar to watch the game with Liz, who was shockingly sad, uncomfortably sad

after the Mexico loss. She started crying. It's like, yo. Not crying, but she was very, very verge of tears. I mean, Brazil beats them every single time. It was never going to be. It's like, you know, like the Jets and the Patriots. Maybe like crying over that.

It's like, this is what happens. Yeah. Yeah. But it was. But anyway, so I went to the bathroom afterwards and I had these i have these white pants on these new white pants they're like distressed linen white pants cocky i didn't shake hard enough oh no and i just it just straight up turned into a peep pants like i i had texted you i texted you that i'll be in the office in 15 minutes and i didn't get here for 40 because i had to go home wash my pants use a

blow dryer to dry them so i keep wearing them i mean peeing your pants when they're like jeans not a good look when they're white linen it was it just dried yellow yeah i was gonna say you got it you got i had to walk home i had to walk home with my messenger bag draped over my neck so it was just the bag in front of my dick like it was a pair of fucking binoculars what a dickhead you are and i was walking by the empire state building so i just thought i've ever just like this weird ass tourist yeah you look yep you look like a euro you're wearing like capri pants linen with the fucking thing around your dick you absolutely look like euro trash it worked though we're good. They are cocky pants.

You're telling me you basically put... The way I'm envisioning this is you put your dick back in your pants midstream. It was just still going. It was shockingly lush. I'm wearing boxers, too. It went right through.

Soaked right through. It was a tough, tough look. I said to everyone, we were waiting for the bill. I said, I gotta get out of here. I gotta go. box. Soaked right through. And it went right through. Yeah, it was a tough, tough look. I said to everyone, we were waiting for the bill. I said, I got to get out of here. I got to go. I got to go. Me and Kevin need to record a podcast. That was a lie. I had to go home and change my pee pants. You're making me feel better about myself, John. We didn't record a podcast for two hours after

I said that. It's enough time for my piss pants to dry. Wow. Things are looking down for us things do not create although oh you want to know i i actually had this is one of those things where i have to share it because it was so fucking funny but people probably give me shit oh bro you have sex i got a text this weekend that was the funniest fucking text i'd ever gotten my entire life so So, uh, a girl I know is going away this week and I'm not going to see her on the fourth.

And she texted me when I get back, we're going to fuck so hard to get pregnant. And I said, I said, I said, uh, excuse me. She said,

I said, you, not me. I've been laughing at that line like all weekend. Fuck. So you get pregnant. So that line like all weekend. Fuck, so you get pregnant. So it's not all that. That's what inspired me to say that.

Things are looking down. I'm going to get pregnant soon. So things are looking up for me. That's next level dirty talk. I love it. I just read it really fast at first. I was like, whoa. All right. Let's relax. Don't even put that out of the universe. No, I said you, really fast at first I was like whoa alright

let's relax don't even put that out of the universe no I said you no I said you you're getting fucking pregnant we got LeBron

out in LA I mean looking back on it it's like of course you know people started to try to make it more than it was

everybody if you ask like six months ago everyone was like yeah he's going to fucking LA there was no doubt about it. I think Vegas had the odds

at like 5,001 or some shit like that. So they knew the whole world. I mean, they didn't even fuck around with it. I really thought there was a chance he might stay around just because there's no better situation in Cleveland. Smitty had that retweet

about him going to Philly. I mean, that's what's silly is that for a moment we were like, maybe LeBron will go to Philadelphia. But also just the tweet Smitty retweeted.ed what was it it was some dude with 13 followers saying he talked to the police yeah yeah yeah yeah and they're setting up a parade right that was that was totally ridiculous uh hey what are you doing here bud come on i mean be better than that and then he got mad at everyone being like no it's fake man

he's like all right twitter police like no, it's fake, man. He's like, all right, Twitter police. He's like, no, it's just, yeah, fine. Twitter police, common sense police, internet police, self-respect police, whatever. I mean, this to me is like, this is like a half-retirement move, like a victory lap move. Like, I'm going to LA, man. Fuck it. I'm leaving Cleveland. I'm going to go out to LA.

I'm going to be making movies and fucking entertainment shit for the rest of my life yeah like no we're probably not gonna beat the warriors the rockets and that's what i might not even make it back to the finals like i don't really care basketball twitter make fun of them so much first of all it was so funny i was standing behind the guys at the bar today who were just talking about there were two la fans or at least I don't know people who care about LA and it's very funny to hear LA folks kind of reason with themselves and say or try and say

LeBron is great they're in a very tough spot Kobe's fans have been arguing this for so long and now they gotta flip the entire script it's very funny to hear and also but the team is still not good to flip the entire script is very funny. Yes. And also, but the team is,

it's still not good. No, no, no. I mean, I don't probably go get quiet and that'll be a big move, but like, yeah,

I don't think they're Tyler. Tyler quote tweeted the starting five right now. And it's, it's not, it's not, it's, I mean, Brandon Ingram,

LeBron, JaVale McGee, Lonzo. I love if they went and got Lance Stevenson, by the way. He's on the team, isn't he? Yeah. Yeah, it's like, I don't know. That almost to me is like, we need to make things as easy as they can for me.

Let's go get Lance Stevenson out of my hair. You need to pay him to just stay home. You're paying him to not play for the Lakers. You're paying him to not play for the other teams. It's actually, it's fucking great, too, though. Just like that. to not play for the Lakers. You're paying him to not play for the other teams. It's actually, it's fucking great too, though. Just like, that it's, just for Barstool. Oh, well, and that's Go buy your beat LeBron

shirts. Dude, people were like, oh, the Celtics-Lakers rivalry. They only play a couple times a year. What do you think they're really going to meet in the finals? Like, you don't need to play someone every minute to make it a rivalry. Like, the Mets and Yankee fans all have a rivalry. They used to, like, barely play at all before even interleague play. Like, you can it a rivalry. The Mets and Yankee fans all have a rivalry. They used to barely play at all before you even interleague play. You can have a rivalry where you're not facing each other all the time.

The Patriots have a million rivals because everyone says that. The Broncos are a rival. The Colts are a rival. The Ravens are a rival. You scoreboard watch. You make fun of them when they lose. You trash on them. You argue about them.

That's what the rivalry is. All you need is history. I mean, the Celtics-Lakers is one of the best rivalries in sports. To say that's not a rivalry is just ridiculous. And I mean, if you, yes, obviously, if you play in the same division or you're head-to-head in the finals every year. Those rivalries are different. Those are just natural rivalries we play all the time. Then there's the rivals of the team you have history with.

Right. Your kids will always do Lakers or Celtics. Their kids will do it. It's always there. And Kyrie versus LeBron. The present day is going to become a rivalry even if it wasn't. It's a rivalry.

And now it's reignited. It comes and goes. But now it's hot. There was a lull to the 90s, and you had the big three back with Kobe and Pau. And then now you're back with this. That's how rivals go. They ebb and flow.

Right. So it is still wild, though. I know it was expected. I know it all makes sense. But, man, LeBron's career path is just a weird one. It's like, he's on the Lakers? The Lakers is that type of spot where you're either like, you're kind of like a lifer like Kobe or even, you know,

Shaq wasn't a lifer, but he was like, you know, his bulk there. Or you're doing like, I guess kind of what LeBron is doing now, but you do like the Gary Payton, call him alone. Like you just, Steve Nash, Dwight Howard, you kind of just like latch on. I don't think he's there. No, he's not on that level, but in a, I mean, actually, yeah, this is not ring chasing because it's actually, you're not...

They're not actually going to... Yeah. You were the king of the East. You were... Probably still going to be the best team. Yeah, you were going to be the best. The Celtics were going to be the best team in the East no matter what.

Now it's like... It's just the Lakers. It's wild that he's going to be on the Lakers now. And any of the crown jewel teams is weird to go to just like kind of as your third act or whatever. It's definitely strange, but it also doesn't surprise me. It's LeBron.

Yeah. Yeah. Could work out well for the Knicks when he's like 40, 42. They'll do it. They will do it. They absolutely will do it because he's going to want to play with his son. So he's going to need a team that takes him.

I'll take, I'll take LeBron James Jr. and LeBron James. Okay. I'll try that. I'll give that a world. That. and LeBron James. I don't care how old he is. I'll try that. I'll give that a whirl. Both generations. That's exactly what's going to happen with the goddamn Knicks. Alright, voicemails

time. You're probably sitting at your desk. Hopefully you're getting hopefully you're winding down here. You're almost out for good. You can get out for at least until Wednesday, maybe through the rest of the week. So voicemails time brought to you by HIMS. I got my HIMS.

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product in this world that just females are not even buying at all just like nothing hey kfc site super producer bc um i was just calling because recently my best friend brought her boyfriend to meet me for the very first time. And I live in New York City, and I live in a really small studio. And the day they were leaving, he took a massive shit, and he clogged my toilet. And I don't have a plunger because I'm a girl, and I don't need one. So we had to go out, buy a plunder and everything. It was horrible. The toilet flooded all over the place.

So I was just wondering what's the most embarrassing thing you guys have done in front of a girl or when you met your girlfriend's best friend? I love like, I don't have a plunder because I don't take big fat shits. I don't take massive dumps like this guy.

That's rough. Yo, here's what you have to remember if you're ever in the situation of any of these situations with a clogged toilet. You have to resist the urge to try to flush again. Once it's very clear that it's not going to flush, you're just so desperate, you're like, please just flush. It's that third flush that's going to overflow that fucking toilet.

It's going to happen. You can't just flush on a whim. You can't flush on a Hail Mary. If you know that shit is clogged, you do not flush it for a third time. I've never had... No, you absolutely do not do that, first of all. That's crazy. I don't know what No, you absolutely did not do that, first of all. I mean, you just... That's crazy.

I don't know what I... Have you ever had this? Yes. Isn't you the one who has a scooping out of your hand sort of story? Yes. That's you. It's all coming back to me.

I didn't scoop it out of my hand. What I did was... Oh, God. this is disgusting. This is right after his pee-pan story, folks. Big episode for Johnny. I, you know, I stood in the bathroom just in a panic. Almost, I was so nervous and so worried that I was, like, in a defensive stance. Looking around the bathroom, thinking, okay, what's going on?

And on a swivel. Yeah, I'm just looking around. I got to find something. Maybe jump out the window. I don't know what I'm on i gotta yeah i'm just looking around i gotta find something maybe jump out the window i don't know what i'm gonna do i'm a genius so everyone knows that i go under the sink and i find the bag of toilet paper the bag of toilet now it comes in like that oh yeah yeah yeah right right if you have like a 12 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right. If you have like a 12-pack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take all the toilet paper out. Dog poop hand. There you go. Go in and just like break it up. It was

so disgusting. I had a Charmin roll up to basically like Dr. Laura Dern in Jaws. Yeah, Jurassic Park. She's kind of just got this fucking condom on her arm. I basically had that and just went into the toilet

and broke it up and flushed it. And it worked? It worked, yeah. And look, it wasn't... So you're telling me that usually it's like, I use too much toilet paper. You were just breaking up your poop? Your poop? Oh, you can break up a toilet paper too. It's the whole thing. They form into a rat king.

You know, it's just this disgusting combination of filth. And you got to break it up. You were doing Charlie work on your own fucking poop. And I'm in there by, like, I don't know how I didn't puke into it. Yeah. I don't. You don't have a strong stomach. I don't like shit.

I don't like my own shit. I don't care whose shit it is. I'm out on shit. And so even that, I just had like my head turned away. I'm kind of getting it coming up as I'm doing this. Yep. I'm just like. I can feel it.

Like. Is everything okay in there, John? Oh my God. Where were you? What setting was this? I was at my friend's, like my girlfriend's like family house. Oh man. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal. you what setting was this as if my friends like my girlfriend's like family house oh man brutal brutal second floor and no blunder i considered diving out the swan yeah like there are certain

times dead there are certain times where it's like should i just should i just set this house on fire should i just burn this place down that's a better idea because if you found me dead outside the window the shit's still there. Worst case scenario, you're paralyzed. You need to be taken to the hospital. And they still have all that shit in their toilet. Yeah, it doesn't change anything. It ruins my legacy.

My legacy. This guy's out here like LeBron. Where should I go next? I don't want my legacy being ruined because I clogged your toilet. Not only does he take massive shits, he's also suicidal. So this one's over. Next up. Guys, I'm out in Long Island right now.

And I was just getting fucked up with some of my coworkers. And one of my coworkers-workers just was buying shots all around he was just buying Jameson shots for everybody I'm not gonna lie I took a couple of them but afterwards we went to go get pizza and he complained about how it's bad

for his fucking diet and I didn't know how to call him out I literally said you like just took fucking 10 shots of Jameson and we're about to go get a piece of anything

that's bad for your fucking diet like how do you like contribute that towards your like overall like your nutrition value. It doesn't make sense. No, see, this makes sense to me. Perfect sense.

You've got a problem. Perfect. I would never complain about pizza being bad for my diet because once I'm drunk, it's off. Yeah. But alcohol is not bad for me. No. And also, like, and even so certain things that are bad for you are, like, necessities in the world. It's like, you know, yeah, my health at its peak at its 100% involves a healthy amount of alcohol.

The pizza is extra. I can, I can get by in life without eating the pizza. I need to have some resistance there. Some, some, uh, self restraint.

I can't do it with alcohol. There are certain things like I'm telling you, like I can, I can behave for like breakfast and lunch. i can't do it with alcohol there are certain things like i'm telling you like i can i can behave for like breakfast and lunch i can't for dinner so just lay off me all right i'm gonna ask you what is this good or is it bad and then i'm gonna go home and have seven hard slash soft taco hybrids it's just gonna happen okay every like liquid doesn't have calories no that's first that's such a fact. Liquid has no calories in it. All liquids? All liquids.

No calories. You're telling me if I just drink liquid, I'm going to get fat? Nope. If you just drink Coke? Yes. 100%. With no other food? No.

With high fructose corn syrup? No way. There's no way that I will get fat from just eating Coke. That's crazy talk. Liquid, you just drink it and you pee it out. You just pee it out. That's it. Liquid sugar is If I had a coke for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, one 12-ounce

can, you think I would be fat? Yeah, no, because that's not a lot of calories. It's still a lot of calories. It's not like a full meal's worth of calories. Correct. So if you cut out all other food, yeah, you'll be alright. But if you have liquids on top of all other food, yeah, you'll be all right. But if you have liquids on top of all the food, it's still –

It's just the food. It's just the solids. Alcohol just doesn't – there's nothing wrong with it. There's no problem with it. It doesn't do anything bad to you. And if it does – It's literally poison. It's all on your inside though.

So the food is you're being concerned with your outside appearance yeah yeah alcohol rots my inside there's no doubt about that you can't see my inside you can't see my liver give a fuck i'm a narcissistic person who hates himself but for some but like if it's as long as i can't see in a mirror i don't it's not hurting me it doesn't bother me even the littlest that's why i like my depression is like whatever right depression makes you ugly

on the inside not on the outside right it's a dark it's my innards are just black hole it's yeah it's oh my goodness I can't even imagine

and the outside is like you know not great but my intestines I feel like look like like black lasagna black spaghetti like that's

that's my new shit I'm on black spaghetti I love black spaghetti like that's that's my new shit i'm on black spaghetti i love like like the like homemade yeah like the squid ink yeah that's what my intestines look like it's just everything inside me is black but it's inside me i got a fucking healthy ass glow right now the day that like you like you know the day that you can see my intestines at the beach is the day i'll start worrying about my that's sure the tsa guy the tsa guy probably sees me and he's like,

whoa, this guy's fucked up. Other than that. I don't give a fuck about alcohol. Alcohol has no calories, no sugar, no fucking fat content, no nothing. It's just the liquid that you pee out in the morning, sometimes in your bed. And makes your brain feel funny.

Done. That's alcohol for you. Last voicemail of the day is brought to you by BetDSI.com. The World Cup is on to the knockout phase. Baseball is cooking. That Yankees-Red Sox series was something. That was tough. Things didn't go great for David Price.

The Yankees are fucking good. Things didn't go great for me. I guess the Red Sox are right there neck and neck with him, but the Yankees are on pace to win like 110 games. The Red Sox are in first place. That's crazy. So they're on pace to win more games. That's unbelievable. Mets are on pace to win about 60 games. Metsx in first place. That's crazy. So they have unpaced with more games. That's unbelievable.

Mets are unpaced to win about 60 games. Mets are so fucking bad. They're the fucking worst team ever. 5-20 this month. 5-20 in the month of June. That's insane.

That's their third worst. Do you think the Grom is going to start refusing to start? I would. I would protest. I would protest. I'd go out there

and throw with my other hand. I'm not wasting these things. I'm't think so. I would protest. I'd go out there and throw with my other hand. I'm not wasting these things. I'm not wasting these bullets, you fucking assholes. What's Harvey doing on Cincinnati? He's doing great, as a matter of fact. It's funny you ask.

I didn't know the answer to that, but I figured it was going to be great. Yeah, he's doing fantastic. Literally, the exact date that he changed teams, I think the Reds have the best record in the NL

and the Mets have the worst. He's 3-0 with like 18 fucking strikeouts and like he's playing very well. Nice. Awesome. I like Harvey. Yeah, he's a good guy. Wish you the best, Matt. So you want to bet on Matt Harvey to win the Cy Young like next year or something.

Change of scenery. He'll crush it. Go over to BetTSI to make these bets. Use the promo code KFC25. Get a $25 free wager just for registering. That means you just sign up and give your info. You don't have to put any money down. You get $25. Then you get a 200% bonus match

whenever you put up your first deposit. So go to BetTSI.com. Promo code KFC25. Get the $25 free wager and the 200% extra bonus when you make a deposit. Can you bet on the Yankees getting Harvey this year? if he shows any glimmers they'll get him this year as a matter of fact that's exactly what's gonna i thought that it was gonna take like a year to go because i thought he would have to straighten himself out and then the yankees would take a flyer that's exactly what

happened but they need to still bad and they'll need to like they don't want to think about the future they don't want to give up a bunch of uh you know, they're not going to give up a king's ransom for Harvey like the Gromwood calls. Perfect. But just like, you know, one decent prospect, Harvey. Dark. That DSI, that. What up, KFC? Fights to produce a BC.

First time, long time. Just a quick question for you guys. I want to get your take on it. So I was at work today just hanging out with some friends. We were just shooting the shit about, you know, TV shows back in the day, you know, cartoons and stuff like that. And then so we started talking about Kim Possible, you know, the hit Disney show way back in the day.

Smoke cartoon. And I had mentioned that Kim Possible was a smoke. Oh, yeah. They looked at me like I had three heads and basically told me that it's weird to find animated characters hot. Now, I'm not into like stupid, freaky shit or anything like that, but I think it's hard to say that, you know, some animated characters back in the day like Kim Possible weren't smoke shows. So is that weird?

You know, is it weird to say animated characters are hot from TV shows and movies? I just want to get your take. Viva. What a stupid question. I mean, that's just idiotic. I mean, what stupid friends do you have? Like, listen. Hot is hot, whether it's animation, 2D, 3D cartoons, whatever.

Are you trying to tell me you didn't jerk off to Lara Croft and her fucking cone titties? Lola Bunny. A thousand percent. Lola Bunny. Funny. Tiny ass. Tiny waist fat ass. Yeah, weapon.

Like, Jessica Rabbit is, like, you know why? There are a million hard cartoons. Like, the artists for Roger Rabbit were like, all right, well, we get to draw whatever we want. We need, like, a sexy character. We're going to make her the sexiest thing of all time. Of course you're going to think she's hot. I mean, this is, like, a ridiculous question. I've never, like, jerked off jerked off to anime or anything like that.

But I've been looking at human porn on Pornhub, and you get the ad on the side. And I said, look at Lois Griffin. I've said, look at Marge. I always see that anime, it's always like a Japanese thing. And it's just some girl. I mean, she's taking a giant dick yeah it's huge it's going all the way in and out like you know tip to balls this is crazy yeah there is it's I find I find cartoons extraordinarily if you can't listen if you can't admit that then you like you're you're the weird like something's wrong with you you have sexual issues if you can't admit that, then you like you're the weirdo.

Like something's wrong with you. You have sexual issues. If you can't just be like, yeah, that's a sexy cartoon. Right. I sat down. I don't want to print out a comic book and fuck it. But I mean, I look at it and say, look, that's hot. I broke down 64 cartoon characters.

You know how hard it is? Like when you get down to like 57, 58, 59, you're really grasping at straws. You're grabbing cartoons, commercials and stuff like that. I thought about fucking all of them. Every single one of them. Who won? Jessica Rabbit. Who was that boy? Final four was Jessica Rabbit,

Ariel, Jazz. Oh my God! I didn't even think about the Disney princesses. I mean, it's all Disney princesses. Jasmine! Jasmine, Ariel, Jessica Rabbit. I think I threw Lola Bunny in there for shits and giggles. Mulan.

Mulan. You know who's really sexy? It's kind of relatively a new age Disney movie. It's still like in the 90s.

Hercules. The girl, like, Megara is her name or something like that. I don't think I've seen that one. Rocket. Smoke.

They all just have the most things. You did this in 2009. There's probably a lot of updates. I'm sure. Yeah. I mean, yeah.

I'm sure there's some people on BoJack Horseman that should get fucked and stuff like that. Archer. I mean. Oh, Archer. That chick in Archer is fucking so sexy. I don't know her name, but the tan one with the black hair. She is. Oh.

Fuck city, man. She does. She does a lot. I mean, I've only seen like 10 episodes of Archer ever, but she's in a fucking like bra with the fucking gun strap and a thong. Come the fuck on. Get it. If you are saying that that cartoon isn't sexy, you're just gay.

That's fine. That's fine. But even that, there's probably some guy cartoons that you want to fuck. Yeah, Archer's hot, dude. Just admit it. Yeah, just admit it. You want to fuck cartoons. Oh, my God.

The repression some people have it really is like your parents your parents must like punish you over in europe man they're fucking cartoons all over the place right here we are just embarrassed of our sexuality they're fucking cartoons they're fucking everything over there it's homosexual heterosexual anime anime sexual yeah animated sexual pillows and fucking stuff is crazy. Wait, what? The Japanese body pillows? That's not in Europe. They're fucking pillows over there?

Oh, Japanese body pillows are a big thing. I might start fucking pillows. You fucking got just big, this huge body pillow with a girl painted on it. I mean, that sounds not so bad. With some of these sex toys now, it probably feels just as good. You're not just like actually, yeah, right now, it probably feels just as good. You're not just actually rubbed.

And then it's just quiet. I think I'm going to start having sex with pillows. I'll report back. Alright, that's it for today. And a silence falls upon the room. That's my note. That's my cue. I'm out of here. Have a good Fourth of July. we'll see you guys next week

peace ah shit I'm really really out are you Thank you.