KFC Radio - KFCRadio: Ladies Night in Hollywood

Episode Date: June 12, 2018

It's ladies night 3.0 for KFC Radio with all female voicemails. Live from a hotel room in LA wearing bathrobes, KFC & Feits break down how guys can get out of the friend zone, the worst types of commuters, and what do you do when your dad sees your sex toys.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's the KFC Radio West Coast Spit Tour. The what now? You know, there's the Grit Tour. Oh. We're the Spit Tour. I got a DM from some dude.

I'm actually going to read it verbatim. Okay. He was, he goes, let me find it. You fucking maniacs. Nardini was texting me the other night, too, about fucking her DMs. Why do you bitches have your DMs on because of this? Because of this. I know it's been a while since the running joke, but, bro, I spit in my girlfriend's mouth last night, and whoa.

Absolute power trip? Did I feel great about it this morning? Not really. Was it everything you guys talked it up? Yes. Fucking right it was. You're goddamn right. We don't steer you wrong. And guess what, buddy? You don't just have to do the spin. You can get...

I was going to say, that's a two-way street, homie. I was waiting for the second half, and then she spit in my mouth get I was going to say that's a two-way street, homie. I was waiting for the second half and then she spit in my mouth and I was like, what? We do not steer

you wrong on KFC Radio. That's why when I tell you that you have to use honey, I'm being dead ass serious. Joinhoney.com.

How does this work? It's an extension, a little add-on, if you will, to Amazon.com. Have you ever heard of Amazon, John extension, a little add-on, if you will, to Amazon.com. Have you ever heard of Amazon, John? I've heard of it, yeah.

Jeff Bezos. You can buy a lot of things. Jeff Bezos made so much money on Amazon, he's exploring space because he, quote, doesn't know what to do with his money. It's like, yo. So take that motherfucking for all he's worth. I'm so rich that Earth doesn't do it for me anymore. There's this whole planet. I don't know what to do, so I'm just going to make a new NASA.

Well, Jeff, he's been making too much money off you because you haven't been using honey. Honey magically adds all of the lowest price items on Amazon for you every time you're shopping. So it guarantees that whatever you're looking for, you're going to get the best price possible. It will alert you of sales. It will alert you of price drops. And it will just scour all of Amazon to make sure whatever you're buying is the lowest price possible. So there's no reason to not add this. It's free.

It takes a couple clicks. You just add it to your browser, and you'll always get the lowest price possible when you're shopping on Amazon. So go to joinhoney.com slash KFC So go to joinhoney.com slash KFC. That's joinhoney.com slash KFC. Add it onto the browser and save that cash. We're on the West Coast. We are in Hollywood. We had a plane situation from hell.

I don't know if it was from hell. Well, it was hell for you. It's a flair for the dramatics here on the podcast. Well, no, but I'm just going to say, because for me, it was exactly what I do every single day. I just sit there watching TV. You're not smart enough to bring extra headphones. So in the Bluetooth world, you can never use your own headphones on planes anymore.

So I have a bunch of cheap pairs that I make sure I bring so I can plug into right away. So while we were just sitting there, I just watched 12 Strong. Listen, when you're right, you're right. I was the dumb one this time. You're the dumb one in general, but I was the dumb one this time. Yeah, ask me a math question. I'll be the dumb one now. What?

Ask me a math question. In fact, while we're sitting here, I just told that guy I definitely did the math wrong. Yeah, so let's paint the picture. Right now, we are in Hollywood. We are... At this point, after all these years, we have been in rental homes. We've been in hotels. And we always end up doing some sort of homoerotic stuff where we lay down together.

And so we are in a hollywood hotel we're in the dream hotel it's it looks like a place not give out too much info here bud oh shit that's right this goes out tomorrow fuck it's a different dream hotel there are multiple um so it looks like the kind of place it's the kind of place that like angelina jolie went to in Mr. and Mrs. Smith To kill somebody Yeah when we pulled up John goes this looks like a place that Hookers and assassins would frequent

I was like holy shit I was like is that like a line from a movie Or did you just say that No that's just the way I talk Well we are the hookers Definitely not assassins So I'm laying here in the Bathrobe and the slippers John's

Like half in the robe Just belly out I saw his dick earlier It flopped out of his feet I barely saw it I couldn't even tell what it was It was like a dick But smaller

And so we're laying here On this bed together It was like a dick but smaller. Come on. It was like a dick but smaller. And so we're laying here on this bed together with tripods and cameras set up in Hollywood. This must be like when Asa goes on vacation. When Asa goes to work. So when the room service showed up, like, not even exaggerating, that dude takes one look at this fucking bear over here and the twink over here with the tripod set up. And he's absolutely thinking like, well, these guys are shooting gay porn in this hotel. No, he was like, definitely get up. I was interacting with him.

He was extraordinarily uncomfortable. Oh, and by the way, John still has his dumb hat on. Imagine his belly out. He's got these ankle socks pulled up. Boxers. Chest out and his dumb hat. Wow.

We are as gay as it comes. Gay FC radio coming to you from the fucking west coast, man. Dude, how about the guy on the plane who fucking just took out sushi as we were landing he decided that was time to eat the sushi that had been in his backpack for at least eight hours at least eight at least six hours we were delayed for two he'd been sitting this is just sushi and it wasn't like like California rolls. There was a shrimp sticking out of it. Oh, no, yeah.

When you're eating eight-hour-old sashimi, that's disgusting. How about when I was getting off the plane, the dude in the row behind me was like, oh, you can go, you can go, you can go. I was like, yeah, you're goddamn right, bro. I can go. I'm supposed to go. Was this guy in a green shirt It was like an old dude who was carrying

He had a hat and a golf bag or some shit It was a guitar that's the sushi dude Okay then double fuck this guy I was like yes I don't like that When like people like when you have the right of way On the road and they like tell you you can go It's like yeah I know I'm fucking gonna go Cause that's the rule

Like yeah we file out and the people who are a row ahead of you get to leave first, dick. Did you win your war for your seat rest or your arm rest? We had a mutual thing going. He kind of went forward. I went back. I got fucking body rocked by some big Mexican lady. Fucking smoked me. I much rather prefer a guy on the armrest battle.

Yeah. Because then you don't feel like you're bullying a girl. Right. It's a fair fight. She listened to music the whole time. Such a weird option to take. We have a TV in front of us. Why are you listening to classical music?

Oh, yeah. That girl's crazy. Watch a movie. Boy, you were. What a row that was. You got Sushi Guy, classical music psychopath, and Feidelberg. Who's the fucking famous opera singer? Pavarotti?

Pavarotti, yeah. Nailed it. She was listening to Pavarotti. That's crazy. And just had his album art open the whole time. We had a fuel spill. They over-fueled our plane, so it was just, like, pouring out. I was like, this thing's going to blow up.

We're never going to... I was like, let's just get off the plane right now. Let's just get off. Because we know we're not going anywhere. Two hours later, we finally leave. Buddha Ben was on our flight as well. Caleb's out on the West Coast, too, doing some Jurassic World shit. And before we're about to take off i

see a couple stewardesses whatever they're called these days fucking flight monkeys come over and they like dude how about that guy our guy sounded so drunk the the gay stewardess because they're all gay um the the one who was like he the one who was giving the speeches or the interrupting my movies. Yeah, oh, God. He sounded so drunk. I thought maybe he was retarded. Which reminded me, when I thought he was retarded, it reminded me that,

do you know what? I got tested when I... You got tested to see if you're retarded? Dude, my parents took me... Your parents thought you had Down syndrome? My parents took me to get tested. I mean, you pretty much know whether or not you do.

I was like four or six. I forget how old I was. My mom took me to get tested. She thought I was retarded. Did you pass? Barely. What's the test like? My mom still says, she still says, just so you know, you're definitely on the spectrum.

Oh, my mom says that all the time, too. My mom tells me that all the time. She so you know, you're definitely on the spectrum. Oh, my mom says that all the time, too. My mom tells me that all the time. She's like, all you kids are on the spectrum. She was like, if you guys were born now, you all would be in tutoring and special needs. You're all fucking weird. Retarded. I'm a retarded person. So, so, so Buddha Ben is sitting in the, uh, the first row of like the back section, meaning that there was like a lot of, uh, foot foot room.

What's that called? Foot space and all that shit. So I see these two stewardesses come over and they're standing right in front of, of Buddha and his row with their hands on their knees, bending over, talking to them like they're a little like retarded children. And and it was kind of like slowing things down. And I'm like, maybe, I don't know, six rows back from Buddha. So I text him.

I was like, what was that commotion about? And I'll pull that text up exactly as well, because I don't want to butcher it. Because I could tell I knew there was something going on. And he just goes, huge dude next to me. He's fighting for the armrest. He asked the flight attendant if he could get a new seat to, quote, avoid a conflict, and they told him that they will open the door and let him off the plane if there's going to be a conflict.

So I was like, oh, wow. Did you guys have words, or was this all like silent jockeying? Because the armrest battle is one of the most passive-aggressive ones of all time. It could really probably be solved much quicker if you just said like what I did. Like, hey, man, maybe you lean on the front and I'll lean on the back and we can just be civilized adults. No, no, no, no. This is going to be an eight-hour silent battle of elbows and armrests and forearms mushing against each other. So I go, did you guys have words or was it silent?

He goes, oh, we had many words. I mean, Buddha Ben gets in fights all the time. Right? I mean,

Buddha Ben's like a madman. Yeah. I mean, that's, that's, I, I, I've written blogs

about this before. I will fight you for the armrest all flight long. You were on your, you were on your way to Vegas for your bachelor party.

Yeah, that was back when I had passion for this job. uh and but i've never had like words about it that's i mean that's just my mo like i'll you know i'm i'm still fighting my neighbor with the parking but i never like argue with him right i mean like to be on the plane and be like that's my fucking armrest man like that's crazy man that's that's some insane armrest, man. Like, that's crazy, man. That's some insane behavior right there.

Like, I guess I'm a pussy. I'm quick to concede. Like, we got there. This lady put her fucking meaty arms on the rest. I was like, all right, it's yours. See ya. Yeah, you can have it. Boy, Cuck City.

Oh, yeah, big time. What do we got here? Oh, my God. What is that? Someone just made a Brazzers, like, fake web page with our picture. Is that on Twitter? So we'll put this out on Twitter at KSU Radio as you listen to this. I mean, you thought we were joking.

Did you do this? It's super talented. Two guys won. It was like two guys won hot. Read it out loud, John. Starring dad podcasting, fat, dumb bitch boy fights, guest appearance fights his hat, misspelled fights his hat, but whatever. Dude, I can't see the angle of this camera. My dick is definitely making the appearance of doing this.

Again, we'll have to zoom in, though. So, yeah, man, Budap budapest crazy the flight sucked we are now on the west coast and if you listened to yesterday's quickie you know we are gamer guys we are out here for e3 i've been in contact with a little guy named ninja heard of him actually ninja's wife heard of her uh but he's too busy for us So we will not be talking to him this week We got a lot to come A lot in store But we decided That it's been a while since we've done this

And we need something to balance out The incredible homosexuality going on right now So tonight Is a ladies night I'm pumped for that These are my favorite episodes to do Hands down, not that. I believe this is... Dude, these are my favorite episodes to do. You know, like, hands down, not even close. I think this is 3.0?

Yes, I believe 3.0 is right. Now, 1 and 2.0 were, like, a big deal because they were, like, five years ago when we were still trying to get girls to, like, listen and call in and stuff. Now, like, every episode's kind of, like, half a ladies night, so it's not quite as special. However, this is it. This is just all chicks, so it's not quite as special however this is this is it

this is just all chicks so it is a special occasion in that sense love us yo l l i don't even want to ladies love cool i don't mean to sound braggadocious but i mean i ladies fucking love us this show is just right up the rally which which is, I don't know, scary for the female gender. I mean, we opened the show talking about spitting in their mouth. Jesus Christ. Well, no. Well, Kevin, be fair. We also like them to spit in our mouth.

Ladies Night voicemails are brought to you by SeatGeek. I did that a couple weekends ago. Just like... Like unloaded one? No, I just got spit on like a lot. In your mouth? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

Now, define a lot. Like six times. That's like... You're pretty much down for whatever like all the time right but i feel like yeah i feel like i am like but i feel like after like four maybe like okay i'm good it was an onslaught there's a spit on just drowning over here. Wild, man. Onslaught, man.

That is absolutely spectacular. Well, the ladies' night onslaught that's about to ensue right now is brought to you by SeatGeek. It's summertime. You're going to take these girls out. You're going to bring them on dates. Hopefully do onslaught things with them later in the night. Onslaught with the onslaughts. Oh! I don't know if SeatGeek's going to love this, Henry. So you're going to have to take them out on nice dates.

You're going to have to take them to all sorts of live entertainment. That could be sports. That could be music. That could be theater. That could be stand-up comedy. I need to buy tickets to Hamilton next week. SeatGeek, hook me up with that shit. I was going to say, just take out a fucking loan.

But SeatGeek will make sure you get at least $10 off. When you use the promo code KFC, you get $10 off your first SeatGeek purchase. All of the live entertainment tickets in one easy-to-read chart. It's no fraudulent tickets, everything guaranteed, and 100% guaranteed that you're going to get the lowest price possible because it puts everything on the secondary market into one spot. So, you know, full transparency on how much tickets are costing you. So download the free Seeky Gap, go to settings, click add a promo code, enter KFC and get

$10 off your first purchase. Voicemails time with Logan. What do we got? Logan, apparently, you fly like a child. Oh, yeah. We were talking about that. What were you doing behind me? What do you mean?

You fucking kicked my seat 10 million times. I have a bunch of camera equipment. Is that what that was? What does that even mean? I don't even know what that means either. Every time you hit my back of my seat, I was like, I'm taller than Logan, and my knees are not hitting Kevin's seat.

So how the fuck is he hitting mine? Because I didn't recline at all. I had a friend behind me. I wasn't going to recline, so I stayed upright. I didn't recline either, and I wanted to so bad. Yeah, we were all gentlemen here. I had a massive camera bag, and then I also had a 70-year-old guy sleeping on top of me, so I couldn't really get in there and do it delicately, so I had to kind of go...

I even tried to do a half-triple at one point. At the same time. Yeah. You got a fucking hammer in right now, huh? I'm talking about the lip, not your dick. Yeah. No, I knew what you were talking about, Kevin. Just for the audience. It might be a little bit weird if all of No, you were talking about Kevin. It's for the audience.

It might be a little bit weird if all of a sudden I'm talking about a big hammer. Voicemails, let's cook. Hey, guys. So here's the deal. Need advice. I've been hanging out with this guy for like 10 years. I've known him since the beginning of college. And years?

We're both in the city and getting to that age where we don't have a million friends anymore. So we do like dinners and go to the bar after work just to keep ourselves from not being completely miserable. But lately he's been, like, sending me houses on Zillow and asking me which one my favorite is and sending me pictures of puppies with, like, the caption, our future. Last time we went to the bar, he, like, tried to put his hand on my leg, and then I looked at it really weird.

He pulled it away. And I think he legitimately thinks we're dating. We are not dating. I've never even kissed this guy. But he's literally asking me which house we're going to raise our future children in. So I guess my question is, how do you break up with a guy that you're not actually dating? I'll hang up and listen.

Thanks. Boy, this is just quite possibly the longest case of friend zone that has ever existed. This is a 10-year friend zone. I don't know. I'll tell you what i can't answer this question but i'd like to know it i mean i now listen if if they were hooking up i would i would be on the guy's side here i'd be like listen everything you just described is like you're in a relationship like you go to the bar you go to the bar every night together

to like to escape your miserable lives and you and you eat together, and then you hook up, and you have sex, and you make out. Eating together, that's the relationship. If you're eating meals with somebody, you're in a relationship. That's what I'm saying. That's why I always said that you need separate dinners because everything else goes south when you're constantly eating together but it's and then if you know so if someone was all of a sudden sending you real estate listings because you're doing all that stuff together i'd be like well you're sending mixed signals like a motherfucker but she's not they're not they've never even kissed they're even touched if you've been kissing 10 years that's you know here's the thing dude we had okay we had a tweet the other day it

said we might have kissed, and I didn't immediately deny it because I wasn't confident enough. I'm not sure. We've been together for so long that things could have happened by now. I guess Clem said something on Podfathers. We're like, if any podcast at Barstool has had the co-host kiss, it's KFC Radio. I think what happened was I believe Clem and Mama Clem kissed during a recording, and they were like,

it's the first time. I'm only guessing. It was something like that. I think a kiss occurred on Podfathers, and then he was like, yeah, well, that's probably happened on KC Radio before. I saw that tweet. I was like, I don't remember that. It's not impossible.

It's entirely possible. Things happen over the course of 10 years, so if I don't remember that. It's not impossible. It's entirely possible. I mean, because just things happen over the course of 10 years. So if they don't happen, you really got to check yourself. Now, I would imagine most normal guys, certainly from the beta boys movement, have found themselves in a friend zone a time or two. And I think that's entirely normal. But I think that almost everybody comes out of it like i think everybody kind of reaches their breaking point where they stop themselves from the continual friend zone humiliation do you i well i mean maybe i'm just

speaking for myself like i mean i remember being hardcore friend zoned in high school and like eventually i was just like i'm not i'm not doing this anymore like and not not like i cut them out of my life or whatever but it was like oh i'm not gonna come running i'm not yeah like i'm not gonna just keep catering to them and i'm i'm gonna like move on from having a crush on them because this is just silly right and it was way quicker than 10 years. It was years, but it was not 10. Like, dude, come on. You gotta...

You know what the problem is? He's doing... You gotta either go all in and try to break out of the friend zone. You go all in and either it works or it doesn't. But he's going all in 10 years too late and doing it with puppies and real estate. Yeah, that.

You've got to like, what kind of fucking move is that? Like, you know what? Hand on the leg. Should we buy this house? Hand on the leg. Okay. Like, you're at the bar, maybe. Like, hey, how about this?

Puppies and house listings? No, no, no, dude. I don't know. I mean, yes, it's ridiculous. I like the puppy move. The house is too much. I like the puppy move. No, John, the puppy is too much don't know. I mean, yes, it's ridiculous. I like the puppy move. The house is too much. I like the puppy move. No, John, the puppy is too much.

The puppy is a fucking living thing that you have to take care of together. Oh, you know, but I'd like it. I wouldn't say it's ours, but you use a puppy to get in with a girl. Do you like this one? Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, I got it. Just head over to I Can't Even on Instagram and send some puppy pictures and get her all buttered up. I Can't Even.

Oh, yeah, that's our thing. Yeah, we own that shit. We don't own it. It was free. Whatever. So this dude, I mean, he's just coming on all sorts of creepy here. But I think, ladies, it's Ladies Night 3.0. I am going to challenge girls everywhere.

I think that it is the responsibility of the girl to put an end to the situation when you know there's some friend zoning going on. You need to put these guys out of their misery old yeller style. Like, you know what you're doing. You know that you use them as a shoulder to cry on or a friend when you are lonely or whatever the fucking, whatever the benefit you get out of it. But isn't that just what a friend is? No. You know the difference. I've come off friend zoning a lot. I think it was something I talked about a lot in high school.

Yeah, well, I mean, yeah. Like I said, we're older and we don't like – you don't let these dynamics unfold. But when you're younger – It's just like having a friend. When you're younger, that's not – dude, you know that guys and girls can't be friends. Well, I don't have any friends. It's tough. I'm coming at it from a different perspective. It is something as you become older that it's not as prevalent.

But when you're younger, it happens all the time. And girls know what the fuck is going on. And they know in their hearts, like, I'm never going to hook up with this guy. And they continue to just let the guy come around or get their hopes up or whatever it may be. And I think it should be on them to be like, nah, this is over. I'm pondering. I mean, I guess that's a whole other voicemail to be like, so what do you want me to just like go up to him on a, you know, Tuesday afternoon and be like, hey, by the way, we're

never going to hook up like that. Yeah, that's a weird thing. But I think there needs to be some sort of acknowledgement of what's going on because you're torturing these people. You're torturing some of these kids. But aren't they torturing themselves? They can't stop it themselves. It's like

they're so... I'm going to disagree with you here. I think a guy has to realize it. You have to understand what's happening. If you haven't kissed a girl in 10 years, then you are not going to hook up with that girl can we just pause for one second i'm watching this highlight no this fucking thing this thing went viral girls we'll get back to you in a second this went viral uh high school baseball championship kid on the mound is facing his

childhood friend at the plate and he strikes him out to win the game, to win the championship, and Logan, Jesus, knocking over computers. And rather than celebrate that he just won the championship, he goes to home plate and hugs his best friend for like a solid 60-second hug. And he totally bypassed his own catcher who was trying to celebrate with him in the moment. All of his

teammates are huddling up on the mound, doing the dog pile, and he's standing at a home plate, hugging his best friend and slow dancing with him. People loved this. Loved it. It was so gay. It was number two on top ten. It's not even gay, it's just so unnecessary.

No, I mean gay in the way that this is ridiculous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like. Gay in the old Michael Scott sense. Exactly. This is. When I was a kid, it meant lame.

This is so far beyond, like, sportsmanship. It's like, this is weird, man. Like, we can just call it like it is. Like, I get it. It's classy. Sportsmanship. You have a really good relationship with your friend. You know. That's fine fine all well and good but you but standing at home plate and hugging him after he just struck out to lose the championship and you just won the championship

and having this long slow depressing embrace is fucking weird that that situation is literally exactly what the tip of the cap was developed for yes right like yo acknowledge that like yes my guy man yes my guy well like we'll have a beer after this but right now you lost i won and if i'm the dude who just struck out i don't want you fucking hugging me and making a spectacle out of that like i'm some charity case go celebrate your championship man if you're really my friend you would have come to high school with me that was the weirdest thing people were like well clearly you never uh had close friends that you competed against i was like yeah i didn't i played with them because we went to school together like yeah dude i i did not really compete against people at a high level because they were on the team with me weirdos anyway uh so you say that it's the responsibilities on the guy to

end the friend zone i'm gonna say the responsibilities on the girl because i just think not to guys a friend zone like but just acknowledge like to understand what's happening i just think that the guys are uh blinded you know yeah yeah but they you can't be like be better guys well it's like just telling blind people to see, bro. Just see. Just use your eyes. Just see. No, that's different. It's not, man.

When you're really friend-zoned, the girls need to tell you. Hi, KFC, Fights, Super Producer BC. So I have a question for you guys. I live in Boston, and I commute to work via commuter rail and via T. And it is a nightmare. nightmare thankfully I'm moving soon but I just had a question for you guys so I you see a lot of shit when you're on the team the commuter rail what is the most annoying thing that you see people doing when they're on the team. You have the people that are rushing through people to get a seat. You have the people that are lining up at the door.

You have the people that put their hand on the seat behind you, so when you put your head back, youly just like hit their hand i was just wondering what your guys thoughts were on this like who is the worst the t is the subway yes on the subway so we're talking worst subway etiquette here oh babe how long do you got what's uh i don't have much for this because i don't take the subway a lot i basically only take the subway with you oh yeah because you just walk to work, right? Mm-hmm. The worst part of the subway in New York are the entertainers,

Showtime break dancers, the mariachi bands, the kids selling candy. I love all that stuff. You're the worst. I love all that stuff, man. You are the worst. When they come in and they go, Showtime! You're like, yes, this is great i well but but i play it cool i leave my headphones in but i pause the music so i can still pretend i'm not watching you are the coolest guy out there john i am

watching look at that guy in his dumb hat who just pressed pause so cool the kids selling candy drive me bananas the fucking homeless people who are selling half a sandwich, they drive me crazy. Dude, I was walking up from the movies the other night, and I was walking past the subway station, and three kids were coming out with their dad, I guess, holding the candy, and they were still selling. I respected the hell out of that. Yeah, man. They're straight hustling all the time for their basketball team.

Yeah, okay, man. You're buying drugs. I think that the derelicts who lay down on the subway need to be shot. The people who listen to music without headphones, they need to be thrown in front of the train. That's number one. They need to be thrown in front of the train. That's number one. Yeah, those are... Those are the ones... With New York City, it's like...

You know what the worst is? The homeless man who masturbates. You'll catch some really crazy shit. But as far as the basics, to me, it's the people who are laying down on the fucking bench or the people who are playing music out loud. Those people need to be killed. It's not even just music.

It's any noise. It's not even limited to Subway. It's something that's in life. Anyone who's making noise. Just... If you're making any kind... If you're talking, if you're playing video games on your phone,

if you're playing music on your phone, podcast... You can play KFC radio. That's it. But anything that's... If you are making your existence and the fact that you're alive known to other people, it's very annoying. You're an asshole.

Hi, guys. live known to other people it's very annoying hi guys so i just have a question for you um i have this friend who moved to new york city last year and she's absolutely obsessed with it loves everything about it friend complains about some things but whatever um i don't live there i live in toronto so it's a little bit different but she made this comment to me and she said i'd rather be depressed in new york city than neutral or happy anywhere else and i'm just wondering if this applies like if you understand this comment or if you agree with this comment not necessarily about new york city but the place you love the most in the world would you rather be depressed there than be anywhere else? Or would you rather be somewhere else and happy or just in a neutral mood?

I don't know if that's a weird question. Neutral is a weird way to put it. Like, yeah, I'm just, like, tepid on life. Just, like, just room temperature on living. First of all, shout out to Ganji. This reminds me of that quote in Arrested Development. She said she'd rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona. Such a great line.

Lucille Bluth is absolutely – she's sent from heaven, man. What a character. I retweeted this morning. I follow one of the Arrested Development accounts. And it was, she goes, give me a vodka rocks. And he goes. It's breakfast time. He goes, breakfast.

She goes, and a piece of toast. The best. That's the best line. So as this voicemail was unfolding, I was like, ugh, gross. Fuck this girl. Until I realized this is exactly me. Yeah. I live in New York,

depressed about it and I'm not going to change it. So technically, theoretically, obviously, logically, that is what I'm doing. I would rather be depressed in New York than live somewhere else. I've thought about like moving to Indianapolis and working at Heartland for a while and just getting rich.

Yeah, that would be a good move for you. You should do that. But it's necessary for my life to be this way. But it makes me happy to be this way. Ooh, there's a paradox for you. Yeah, the way i am makes me happy being you're so depressed you're happy yeah like i i actually i think we talked about it like um i was talking to my mom uh probably last week and uh we were talking about how uh i'm miserable

and just like how i look miserable and all that stuff. And she was like, yeah, but you need to be that way. She was like, yeah, that's just the way you are. And you need to be that way to be successful, to work, to exist. You need to be the way you are. And I do. Yo, your mom is so fucking ride or die. That's awesome. That's so cool. your mom just embraces your

depression it's like some people are like like some people are really inclusive and supportive when their kids come out and john's parents are really inclusive and supportive of him being depressed it's like yeah sad boy here she yeah she was just straight up she said you that's that's the way you need to be that's how you thrive yeah so i wouldn't be able to work another way i i have to be this way so if i'm in if it's you know depression in new york or boston wherever i happen to be that's just the way i am and yeah that's the way i want to be i don't that's incredible and i'm so proud of you for just being able to say that i don't i don't take it that far because i don't think i'm actually clinically depressed the way you are uh but but there is

something to like i i i don't like new york it's too expensive it's too dirty it's too crowded all the things that people say bad about new york i'm like yeah i'm the first one to say it but i'm not i'm just not gonna live anywhere else i don't it is. I mean, most of it's that like, I just, all my, like my life is here. My friends are here. My family's here. Like it's all I've ever known. It's just, it's just where I am. I can't imagine just being like, I was thinking about this the other day.

There's just, I might even have this conversation with you. There's just like so many ways to live life and we're just doing like the worst version of it. Yeah. Like – And all of us, most of us. Anyone who's just kind of like in the rat race, doing the cube thing. Even if you have like a job like ours that's not like miserable. Like there are still people out there who are like, I'm a bartender in the Bahamas.

Oh. Like I rent out jet skis in the bahamas and i live in like a hut in the water i you know like like there are people who just live life so radically different from our dumb way of doing things that it's almost like we're aliens like we're different species i read an article i think in the in The New Yorker probably two years ago that really spoke to me where it was a woman in New York and she was a blogger or she was something comparable to what we do. You know, she's a content creator of sorts. And she hated it and she was depressed. She was sad.

So she moved to St. Barts and she wrote article in the new yorker where she was like she's like i'm writing this article right now on the toilet and there's a chicken in my shower and i don't know how the fuck i got there and she's like and i scoop ice cream during the day i mean there's something i could not be happier yeah like true happiness but it's a risk that's that's a risk then and i'm not a gambler so that's yeah and you know what like good for you but if that's me and i'm sitting on the toilet there's a chicken in my shower i would be like what the i gotta get the fuck out of here what the fuck is going on now i'm out on chickens in the shower but the the amount of people who just

do like you know i don't know like i'm a ski instructor in veil or some shit it's like there's just so many cool ways to live life and and i'm a ski instructor in veil or some shit it's like there's just so many cool ways to live life and and i'm sure we sound like assholes complaining because a lot of people think that what we do is cool but there's still an element of like yeah we're just like on the computer all day and we're like we're basically like glorified internet nerds this is not like the most glamorous way to live life when you see some of the way other people live like carefree and wild it's just so to me it's like why why why would I not ever I mean now like I have kids

and a family I can't really do it but when I was like 25 why wasn't I like fuck it I'm gonna move to Hollywood and I'm just gonna live in this in the nice weather and I was just like no man I'm from New York that's what I do but but you hate it Kevin yeah I know it people just get like paralyzed in their own lives.

It's kind of weird. It is. It is a very strange phenomenon. But like anything else, I've always kind of just like, just accept it, dude. Just like, shut up. It's like you're probably having some, this girl's probably having some existential crisis. She's probably 27. She's going through the 27 thing.

And it's like, just acknowledge, just drink, and you'll you'll be fine just drink that's really what it comes down to and get yourself a pair of tommy john underwear because uh when you have like the root of all your your problems all your depression issues start with your underwear if you have bad underwear for the day day ruined day ruined like when i when I open up the drawer and I realize it's laundry day and like all I got left is my like last ratty pair that doesn't fit right or the band is like not tight enough or they're too small, whatever it may be, just cancel the day. Like the whole thing is going to suck.

If you're wearing bad underwear, I've told this story before, and it's actually a very Ganji, Lucille Bluth moment with my mom. When I was in the hospital, I'd gotten an ambulance call to a hockey game. They had to cut my equipment off me because my neck

got caught on the boards. I was paralyzed. They had to cut all my equipment off me. i was my underwear had a hole in it and my mom just looked at me and she was so mad she's like i always told you wear good underwear because you never know who's gonna see you never know when you're almost gonna get paralyzed bro it's a true story that's why you gotta have tommy john gotta have it can ruin day. It can ruin your life when people see bad underwear. It can ruin your relationship with your mom. It can.

How about that? Wear Tommy John underwear to keep your relationship with your mom preserved. The best, softest, most comfortable material ever. They look sexy. So, you know, your dick kind of looks much better than what Fidel Berg's dick looks like. You're really going hard on that, huh? Really going hard on your dick. Get it?

So hurry over to TommyJohn.com slash KFC. You get 20% off your first order. That's TommyJohn.com slash KFC. Get 20% off. You never know when you're going to get paralyzed. You never know when you're going to go on a date and hook up. You never know who's're gonna get paralyzed you never know when you're gonna go on a date and hook up you never know who's gonna see him make sure you look good and you're comfortable at all times tommyjohn.com slash kfc hey guys um kfc fights and apparently uh logan now hey

your wedding quickie um i have a solid eight this year um my husband and i had nine last year i think six the year before so we have absolutely no money and apparently too many fucking friends um i just have a quick question about like sleeping arrangements that i don't feel like was touched upon in this quickie um so we are 27 going to be going on 28 how old is too old to be splitting rooms with people like friends and family um yeah like um your boyfriend's family splitting a room with them or just like you try to fit like eight people into a room uh i'm just wondering we're too old to be doing that because we're definitely still fucking doing that all right uh have a good day pretty sure this is our girl joe wagner shout out to jill shout out joe love je it's very apropos that she's a part of kc

radio three point uh ladies night 3.0 how old is too old to be splitting rooms i think is a great uh question and i think we're gonna have different answers here john okay what's your my perception is my guess is that you are big time room share guy. No. Oh, okay. So then we're on the same page. When she just said family? Well, family is crazy.

Okay. Let's throw that out. If you're sharing with family, that's banana town. I'm talking friends. You go to a wedding. You're 27, 28. When do you say, I need my own room? I haven't been to a lot of weddings.

I mentioned that on the wedding quickie. Every wedding I've been to and the one I have coming up soon too is we have houses. Yeah. Well, that's a little loophole. That's definitely the better way to do these things. But even that, then you end up like shacking up, crashing in the same room and all that. Like at what point do you just need your full privacy? I've always had my own room.

If I was going to a wedding now, like the weddings I will be going to this summer, I'll be getting my own room for sure. Yep. So I guess. Was there an age where you were like, okay, I'm getting my own room. This is getting silly. Not really. For me, it was always more relationship status like if you're going with if i go to a wedding uh i mean now i'm a little bit too old for all of this shit but let's say i'm 27 28 years old if i was going to a wedding where it was clearly like all right it's

me and my buddy the big wheeze who are like the single guys or like the odd man out you know sometimes you get invited to a wedding and it's like you're not part of the core group of friends yeah and those people are going to be there with their wives and their girlfriends and then you know we're the guys they know from work or the guys they know from whatever i would probably be like yo let's just like let's just link up let's just shack up right but i think your wedding i think me and dan room together something like that you know it's just like yeah so so at 25 26 you were still i was still ready to do that because to me that's fine but if i was if i'm somewhere with my girlfriend or wife where of a long time it's like we're going to be getting

a room. And guys, you can do whatever you're going to do. But I'm going to be in here. But I think now, if you're a single dude or you're at the event single, you've got to get your own room if you're late 20s. Late 20s, yeah. Yeah. So I would say sometime between 26 and 29 is when you switch and really what it comes out to is money too it's like you know around 26 to

29 is when you start to be able to like you know toss around a little bit of cash yeah because at the point there's some points where you're like oh we can't afford this like we should all just split the cost so it's only like 30 bucks a person it's like well i can afford the like 179 for the night you know he was being being Keith who stayed together. He was being Keith. I remember him ironing his shirt after we like he took it off to iron it again. Oh, wow. What a Keith move.

Yeah. What a Keith move. So maybe he did that in my room or maybe we room together. But I remember that happening. Yeah. I would say like the only time I've ever like Shacked up Like done like Tons of people in a room

Like me and Keith had a room And we had two beds That's not crazy Right But like a bunch of people in a room Like I haven't done that Since spring break Yeah that's where

Things get weird That's very strange Even like this trip It was like Danielle Separate rooms Oh Like you know

This is Back in Because we used to do like work we used to split all the time too oh fucking dave would be so cheap he'd get like the suite for himself and he'd be like all right dan fights keith john you're all together it's like well uh this fucking sucks dude blackout tour days we'd have like five six of us in a room he's making like 250 grand a. He was putting you guys up in one Hampton Inn room. What an asshole. What a fucking asshole. Total dick.

Hey, KFC fight. I've been wondering how a guy would prefer a girl to tell him that she's not interested in him anymore. I've been on a few dates with this guy. We've been talking for a while, but we're not really vibing, and I'm not, like, feeling it

with him, so I've been slowly, like, not responding as quick to his text messages, or, like, not even at all. Like, he's not, like, getting the hint, you know? So I was wondering what guys would prefer. Like, would you rather have me, like, boast you, or, like,

come out and say, I don't want to talk to you anymore which would honestly be like really hard to do or should i just like probably lock his phone number and like lock him off snapchat like what would guys prefer okay thanks viva i mean this is kind of what i was talking about she's talking more about like you've been on dates as opposed to the friend zone. But this is a girl stepping up and telling the guy no longer. How would you prefer that goes down? I think you should just lie to me. Come up with something totally ridiculous to make me stop talking to you.

See, it seems like this guy's not getting the hint or whatever. Well, that's an important distinction. Like what she probably is doing, has already done, is probably enough for most guys. Right. If you're saying, like, you're not getting the hint, that means she's probably, like, blown off a couple dates and said, like, enough, given enough hints that, like, you know, I'm not really into you. Most guys probably will take that.

But in the instance that they're not, that's where things get weird, where you're going to have to be pretty blunt about it, I guess. Mine is just stop talking to me. So you want the ghost? Just ghost me. Really? That ghost drives me crazy. No.

I don't want the ghost at all. The ghost will literally make me into a crazy person. I think I've been dumped by people I didn't even realize I was dating. Just stop talking to me. That's definitely what I prefer I've had a handful of girls who just stopped talking to me and then I stopped talking to them

and that's how we break up but that means on some level were you ever really really into one of them no yeah that's the problem if you're really into them I've used this example a couple times really cute chick that i was hooking up with uh i actually the night of like the barstool new york launch party way back in 09 and things were great i remember actually being like yo this could like go somewhere and then uh

one night i couldn't get my dick hard. And she stopped talking to me. And I was still peppering her with texts, and she was dancing around it. And I wanted her to just be like, you couldn't get your dick hard that night. It turned me off in so an hour. You know what I mean? It was like, I know what the actual answer is.

Why won't you just fucking say it? Because my little dick was soft. I get it. So like, why make them say it you knew i don't know i was because it drives me crazy it was like you you're you're now you're just lying to me now now this is getting crazy see i'm we all know what the reason was i just think uh if you can give me something tangible that see the fine the fine line is to give something tangible that is like definitive because a lot of guys you know persistence can be hot persistence can be sexy and and romantic

you know there's a fine line between like you're fucking annoying and you're romantically persistent right and usually it's depending on how hot you are yes as always like Like everything. But if you can say something to me that's like, okay, I get it. I can move on. I would really appreciate that. I don't know what the answer is. It's probably a case-by-case basis. But if you can find a way to tell me something that I'm just like, okay, I get it. I'll move on.

I would really appreciate that. My fear of rejection is so strong and prevalent that I don't even want to hear it. Just stop talking to me. It's fair. That's fair. So you want the ghost. I would prefer some sort of reason, or if you can, you know,

like I said, just, I don't know, be like, I don't know. My mom died. I can't, I can't,

I can't, my mom's dead. I can't have a relationship right now. I'd be like, Oh shit. Okay. Good luck with your dead mom. All right. Last voicemail of the day. Ladies nights brought to you by light stream.

When do you want to start paying less interest on your credit card debt? How about today right now with a credit card consolidation loan from light stream? This is another thing, you know, you're 27, you're 28 years old, you're moving on in life. You got to get your credit in order. You got to get your finances in order. And Lightstream is the best way to do that. They reward consumers who have good credit with great interest rates and no fees. You can get a credit card consolidation loan from 5.49 APR with auto pay. Everything is done 100% online. You can apply on a computer and you'll end up saving thousands of dollars in interest. So this is one of these things I can tell

that there's so many people out there who just don't even think about this kind of stuff. Credit, APR, interest rates. I don't know what you're talking about. Right? Exactly. I'm telling you to just sign up online. It's easy as fuck'm telling you to just sign up online. It's easy as fuck.

I'm going to do it. And you will save thousands of dollars. I'm literally going to do it. It's like just do it this way, man. You can get an additional rate discount on top of Lightstream's already low rates when you go to lightstream.com slash KFC. It's lightstream, L-I-G-H-T-S-t-r-e-a-m dot com slash kfc uh you're subject to credit approval rate includes a 0.5 auto pay discount available when you select auto pay prior to loan funding terms and conditions apply and offers are subject to change without

notice visit lightstream.com for important information about limits on lightstream loans and same day funding but get that money. Save that cash today. Lightstream.com slash KFC. Hey, KFC, Fife, Super Producer BC. So a situation that just happened to me was me and my boyfriend, you know, we've been slowly moving in together. The living arrangement is that we live upstairs and his dad lives downstairs in a different apartment.

So, you know, his dad's always around. My boyfriend's at work right now, and I'm currently trying to just, like, bring some of my stuff over, you know, make myself feel at home. I bring this three-bin plastic storage container, you know, the ones with, like, the little wheels on it. I'm bringing it out of my car, going up the driveway. His dad's standing there. He's about to ask me a question. And in that drawer is just a few essential items, you know, my vibrator, some lube, some of those plastic handcuffs that you get with, like, a Halloween costume, one of those things.

So, basically, I'm walking up the driveway, and the entire plastic drawer container breaks. All over the driveway. And his dad's just standing there, watching me frantically grab everything. The dildo flies out of the drawer. He's just watching me. And I was just wondering, how would you guys play a situation off like that? Because for me, I just frantically picked everything up, tried putting it in the drawer, and continuing the conversation. So let me know what you guys think. This is a very funny story.

This is when we inevitably were out here in Hollywood. Tomorrow we're going to be sitting with movie studios and talking about scripts. This seems to be in a movie. The fucking thing breaks and stuff's flying everywhere. You better just put it in you.

Just grab it and start deep-throating it this is like yeah is this weird i'm just gonna shove this in my pussy i mean i'm just picturing like my own dad in this situation like he would want to kill himself oh i was gonna say i think my dad would cease to exist yeah like poof yeah he was just dead he would he'd wicked witch it. Just a puddle of clothes. Just a huge puddle, yeah. He wouldn't know what to fucking do. I mean, there is no salvaging that. There's no easy way around it.

That's one of those things that's almost so bad that, like, you don't have to acknowledge it, but, like, maybe you just start laughing. Like, frantically pick it up, put it back put it back in and just like you know what you do shrug you obviously you give the MJ shrug put it back in and just shrug and maybe laugh and then you keep it going like nothing happened but to have no acknowledgement I think is almost impossible

make fun of his kids diet yeah your son fucks so bad that I need one of these things yeah I wouldn't need this if your son had a bigger pecker you fucking shitty genetics how come you didn't Yeah, I wouldn't need this if your son had a bigger peck at your fucking shitty genetics. How come you didn't teach your son how to fuck? Maybe if your son knew how to throw that dick better, I wouldn't need one of these. I mean, ultimately, it's one of those things that you just, like, no one ever talks about

ever again. You hope everyone understands the situation. Yep. We don't talk about this. This is a thing that happened, but we never acknowledge its existence. It's like the Holocaust. Well, we talk about the Holocaust a lot. We do?

I don't. I bring it up whenever I can. You know what? We did a little KUC Radio bingo today here on Ladies Night. We did spitting in the mouth. We said retarded a lot. I said gay like it was 1999. That's so gay.

We just mentioned the Holocaust. And what's like the fifth terrible thing for a full bingo? You said... Oh, there you go. I was going to say you recommended that girls just shove stuff in their pussy in front of their boyfriend's dad. So. But, yeah, you also hit the C-bomb. So, boom.

Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Yeah. Hell of an hour. B-I-N-G-O. Yeah. Just do the shrug and call it a day. All right. So we'll be out here all week. not all week half the week but all the

episodes basically will be uh from the west coast yes and we may we're gonna so one of the things we're doing is a live podcast at a bar for clients surrounding e3 we may depending on the capacity of the bar and whatnot tweet out where we're gonna be yeah how many so like how many LA stories are there I don't know that's what's gonna be interesting so so if you're out here and we do that like please come through it'll be Wednesday evening like a happy hour situation but like we only have like we have to make sure that clients and shit can get in the bar so we can't have it like flooded with people but maybe i'm being over confident about our la presence that may be like maybe not that many stoolies would come out but i don't know let us know tweet at us if you're in the uh la area and would come through and catch a little impromptu live kfc radio i will judge

off that yeah and then if there's like a decent of you, we'll do it because I couldn't handle the rejection if we tweeted it out and then nobody came. Just lie to me and everybody tweet me and be like, yeah, I couldn't come because my mom died. Yeah, that was the star in the middle. All right, today's episode was brought to you by 4Hems. You haven't done it yet, John. I don't know why you haven't done it. I don't know why you haven't done it.

I don't know why I haven't done it. I'm popping the pill every day, and it's such a great feeling that it's just like you take the pill in the morning, and I can feel the hair sprouting out of my scalp. I do know I haven't done it. It's laziness, and I just had to stop being so lazy because it's extraordinary. You get it for just $5 when you use promo code KFC at 4hims.com. Not only do you get the generic equivalent of the main prescription that keeps your hair growing, you get the drops that you put in your scalp, and you get the shampoo,

which not only will help you keep your hair, but the hair on your head, it conditions it better than, you know. What is that? So the hair you do have on your head will be, like, thick and healthy. And, you know, it's a medical answer. It's like, dude, just do this for five bucks and keep the hair you have. As you're getting older, like, you have to realize your hair is a big differentiator. It's the most important thing in my life right now is my hair. It's the only thing you got going for you. It's really most important thing in my life right now is my hair. It's the only thing you got going for you.

It's really the only thing. Big Daddy Trent, people keep thinking he has a mohawk. I feel bad for him. It's pretty funny. Every time he's on Instagram, his pictures with his hairline make him look like he has a mohawk. What's his scar from? I don't know. That's a good question.

There's two solutions for Trent. One would be to get on 4hims.com. The other one, and I think is the better idea, he should just grow a mohawk. Grow a mohawk. Yeah. Right? Like, if everyone thinks you have one, you might as well have one and be like, yeah, I have a mohawk. Right, right.

And get the 4hims to keep that strip growing in. Keep your Mohawk thick. Go to 4HIMS.com, F-O-R-H-I-M-S.com. Promo code KFC. Is it slash KFC? Promo code KFC. It's 4HIMS.com slash KFC. And you can get the whole kit, the drops, the shampoo, and the pills for just $5.

It's forhims.com slash KFC. Shout out to all the girls for Ladies Night. We'll see you guys next episode. Bye.