KFC Radio - KFCradio: Matt Walsh

Episode Date: May 10, 2018

Matt Walsh from Veep in studio to talk about his new movie, Life of The Party, and his many roles on TV including Mike McClintock on Veep and Old School. We discussed his role with Upright Citizen's Brigade and how he thinks Trump has impacted television. Voicemails include: eating your friend, the only perosn on earth, Frankenboobs, island sports and sketchbook at the bar.Today's episode presneted byBurrow burrow.com/kfcBlack Buffalo blackbuffalo.com promo code: kfcFelix Gray FELIXGRAYGLASSES.com/KFCBlue Apron blueapron.com/kfcUncharted Promo code: KFC at UnchartedSupplyCo.com for $50 off!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

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So it's burrow.com slash KFC. It's B-U-R-R-O-W dot com slash KFC for $75 off your purchase. Makes the luxury couch for real life. It's KFC Radio with Clancy and Feidelberg And today we also have Matt Walsh on the show Matt Walsh It's a name you might not know But it's a face you certainly know It's an actor you certainly know

He is in all of your favorite movies for the past like I don't know since 2003 in old school so the past 15 years yeah i mean he's in veep he's michael clintock and veep he's the doctor in the hangover he's the the guy who wants in on the uh the fraternity in old school he's in i mean every movie in the past 15 years like he's in every movie he's he's he's one of the ultimate like uh you know that yes and that's i i i i told him you'll hear it in the interview 15 years like he's in every movie he's he's one of the ultimate like you know that yes and that's i i i told him you'll hear it in the interview in a minute i told him he needs to work on a stage name because everybody like the ultimate that guys that uh the dude from uh he recently died smitty actually wrote a blog about this one time the bad guy from independence

day is one of those guys oh yeah lip nicky mr lip nicky yep he's just like is one of those guys. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mr. Lipnicki. He's just like one of those dudes who's in every movie. He's in that thing. I think Ed Helms is one. Yeah, he's a good one. Not Ed Helms. No, but I feel like Ed Helms has been around too.

Yeah, but I didn't mean him at all. I meant the bad guy in The Rock. The bad guy in The Rock. The bad guy in The Rock. Ed Burns. Ed Burns. Yes, bad guy in The Rock. Ed Burns. Ed Burns. Yes, he's a good one. Ed Burns.

Bad guys are usually a good one. Like Jeremy Irons is just always a bad guy. Jeremy Irons. I know him now because he just kept accumulating roles over the years. But there was a while where it was just like that voice, that face. He's the bad guy all the time. I know that. The bad guy from The Patriot.

Uh-huh. He's just got that evil look to him a little bit. I think he was Snape. He was someone in... No, he wasn't Snape. But he was in Harry Potter. He was someone in Harry Potter, yeah. There's also the good guy from...

The bad guy, I guess, in Chappaquiddick now. We say him all the time. The guy... Ah, fucking A. He's in everything. He's in absolutely everything. These are those people, though. That's the thing. It's like, yeah, I i don't remember his name i don't know that thing but uh at this point

mike mcclintock is one of the funniest characters on television you know you know him he's the press secretary just like jason clark i feel like i know that name but i wouldn't even know the face but that these are the guys i would almost want to be these guys oh yeah yeah he's got that like that scowling face he's from brotherhood and brotherhood he was in like everest he's got that scowling face. Jason Clarke. He's from Brotherhood. Brotherhood, he was in Everest. I would want to be one of those guys. It's a good spot to be where it's like... Oh, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, Zero Dark Thirty, Great Gatsby, Public Enemies.

He's in everything. He's in absolutely everything. When you establish one of those careers where it's just like your phone doesn't stop ringing. Matt Walsh has been in a movie every year for the past 15 years because of that it's incredible he's probably like the richest guy in hollywood i feel like i have one of those faces what ugly ones i can do this right now kevin i'm gonna don't have time for this right now kevin don't have time for this but the like one of those ones was just like that looks like someone i know

like that's why i get tweeted all the time yeah that's true like you hollywood producers agents whatever call me i can be this guy i can be like just like i yeah that guy looks familiar well the problem is you're a no talent ass clown okay okay you might have the face but you don't have the ability at all whatsoever yeah okay like i didn't do a fucking dope southern accent last one that was not well received i was i was a little bit disheartened by that people were like don't ever do that again i was like well i. I was a little bit disheartened by that. People were like, don't ever do that again. I was like, well, I thought it was kind of funny. I thought it was a little endearing. Someone was like, I lasted

10 seconds. I knew when to cut it off. I guess I didn't know when to cut it off exactly, but you were like, I wish you went longer. I was like, I think we're good. I think we're good. Actually, as you were doing it, I was like, you know, we've been doing this fucking show twice a week forever now. Let's spice it up a little bit.

Let's do an accent the whole time. And oh, boy, was I wrong. That was not well received. So feedback duly noted. Let's get into this interview with Matt Walsh. He is a funny cat. He sat down for about 30 minutes with us talking about his new movie, Veep, the political atmosphere, Upright Citizens Brigade, his whole career. It was awesome stuff.

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soon as well black buffalo sells exclusively on their website with free shipping so head to blackbuffalo.com and use code kfc for 20 off your first order That's blackbuffalo.com, code KFC for 20% off your order. You can follow him on all social media, at BlackBuffaloInc, for updates, discounts, and badass content. It's blackbuffalo.com, promo code KFC. Let's talk to Matt Walsh. All right, it's another edition of KFC Radio. Today we got Matt Walsh with us.

Matt, we actually, there's a Matt Walsh who used to play for the University of Florida and then played ball overseas and whatnot, and he's pretty friendly with our crew here. Oh, really? And so... What's he like? I know his career only because he shares a name with me. Yeah, so he... What is he up to?

He owns a franchise over in New Zealand. Hoop team? Something Breakers, yeah. Really? And he admittedly is like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Also on the soccer team, also part owner of Swansea. Swansea FC over the EPL. Really?

Yeah, he's doing a hell of a job. That's good. Swansea feels like it would make money. Swansea does not make money. No? No, we actually had someone here invest in them as well. And I don't know how much you know about soccer, but they have like relegation. And Swansea is, I think, pretty close to relegation this year.

Going down, demoted. Yeah, which would be disastrous for an investor. Yeah, so when we first, I was texting one of our... Who was the long shot that won it last year? Leicester City. Leicester City. Okay, that's it. I said, you know, we got Matt Walsh you know

what what do you want to do with him he was like my first instinct is you guys should hit the park and play three on three and I'm sitting here knowing you know it's you Matt Walsh and I was like why the fuck will we go play basketball I want to talk to him about Veep and his movies and stuff he was like oh wrong Matt Walsh wrong Matt Walsh it's better him than the other Matt Walsh a lot too like when you google Matt Walsh like the other other Matt Walsh. It's better at him than the other Matt Walsh a lot too. When you Google Matt Walsh, the other one is the conservative blogger who's a total dick. As far as

names to get confused with, it's Donald Trump, Jerry Sandusky, and Matt Walsh is working his way up there for you. He is terrible. Sometimes on Twitter he's trending. He'll say something outrageous or he'll have an article that's just like Stone Age mentality about how men are. We've got to work on your stage name, man.

Yeah, I need to change my name. Or go with the middle initial. I'm Mr. Matt Walsh on Twitter, and he's Matt Walsh Blog. Matt Walsh Blog, yeah. I think today his big tweet was he had something today about how the argue against the slippery slope of homosexual marriage, he hasn't heard a good counter-argument. So that's what Matt Walsh is up to today. Slippery slope leading to what?

The disintegration of the nuclear family? Yeah, I would think that and the whole married dog thing that the idiots say. Like, oh, if that's what, what can we do to marry next? Dogs? He hasn't heard a counter-argument yet, which I don't know. I feel like I've heard a couple of good ones but we can clone dogs but we can't marry them can't marry them you know we need like a matt walsh death match maybe you can just oh there you wear up

in the ring we actually own like an amateur boxing ring called uh federation called rough and rowdy where it's just like amateur you do yeah you own it yeah tell me about the company owns it so we uh every every couple months we have like a main event where we'll have like we had two employees fight as like a grudge match they just needed to hash it out we had um we just have a couple like main three round events or 15 round three three one one minute rounds where they just headgear uh sometimes depends on which state it's in okay and they just beat the hell out of each other wow so it could be like matt walsh versus Matt Walsh.

Usually sloppy, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Within like, you know, the first maybe 10 seconds is like point jab, point jab, and then it's just slobbering. Yeah. And then like the loser has to change their name forever. Think about it. Think about it.

If you do it first and you find your people that share your name and I can sit ringside for that match, then I will consider doing it for your proposal. I'm sure you make pretty good money in Google. I'll find another Kevin Clancy and I'll find him. You need three, I think. You're saying like somehow have three because I have two other Mount Walsh's. Oh, so you want to fight them all. Okay, we can do like a Royal Rumble. We can figure this out.

Well, I think it's to claim the name in public venues. You have to beat everybody up. You gotta take the top, whatever, let's say the top five Googles that come up on Google. Deal. You Google your name, take the top five, propose this kind of boxing ring. Have it be like brackets, like NCAA. Okay.

You gotta fight, you move on. I will do this. It's gotta be even, I guess. It's gotta be even. Yeah, we'll figure it out. I would never do this, because I have a very unique name, same as Feidelberg, and my second Google response is my dad, and he'd beat the shit out of me. He certainly would. He would work me over. You can have it, bro. I'll change my name immediately.

That's funny. The movie's out on Friday, Life of the Party. Yeah. The movie's out on Friday, Life of the Party. The idea behind it is going back to the college life at an older age. That's what Melissa McCarthy is doing, right? She's trying to regain those youthful years, which also reminded me of your old school character. That's right. That was the first time I feel like I really was introduced to you.

I know you've been doing Upright Citizens Brigade for a long time, but I remember old school was the first time I saw that character and I mean that scene is forever burned in my mind. I don't even fucking like golf. That is just a classic to me. So now it's just like kind of two times you've done this so I guess the question is in real life would you want to go back to college?

I've been getting that question a lot. I think I would. I did like first couple years probably partied a little bit, was in a frat my sophomore year. What school is this? Northern Illinois. Junior year, I went abroad. I lived in Austria for a year, like studied abroad.

It was amazing. Traveled to Europe, Turkey, all over the country. My biggest regret. I didn't do it. My biggest regret. Amazing year abroad. I would do that year in a second. That was one of the most amazing.

And then I had two senior years when I came back. I had a first senior year, and then I had my second senior year. So nice to do it twice. So I've done it twice. But I don't know. I was a good student in the back half, so I don't know. Maybe I don't think I'd want to go back to college. I think it's one of those things I would say yes, and maybe like a weekend I'd be like, I can't do this.

I wouldn't do it unless my kid went like my oldest boy. I think if you paid – if college paid me a tuition, I still wouldn't go. I mean you used that Florida State. I can't imagine it was that bad. You always talked very low. It wasn't horrible. It was just like I just didn't really like college as a whole. So like I didn't enjoy anything about it really.

That's my boy. And so for like, especially Florida State, in-school or state school tuition, you pay me $30,000 a year. No fucking thanks. To go live in a dorm and eat dorm food? Pass. That's a million times.

I think people tend to romanticize the college. I went to Fordham in the Bronx here, and it was like the middle of the hood. I'm not trying to go back there. I'm all set on that. I'm all good on my current life here. Four years at Fordham? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You had a gun to your throat. Yeah, I was literally mugged and gunned to my neck at times. I'm like, what am I doing here? Yeah. I was like, I should have gone elsewhere. Shout out to Fordham, though.

They're always calling me for donations. That's not like the iconic collegiate experience, getting jumped at gunpoint. Yeah, it's usually like, oh. You think of like tree-lined streets in Michigan and like the big game. That's not what's happening there. It's pretty girls and frat parties. Yeah. Oh, the best four years of my life.

Nah, I don't think so. Reality is usually quite different, yeah. I had like a brick hit over my head and my phone taken. It was a flip phone. The hell was that? Like iPhones were out. I had like a brick hit over my head and my phone taken. It was a flip phone. The hell was that? Like iPhones wore out. I had a flip phone. Why are you hitting me in the head with a brick for a flip phone?

I don't think I knew that. It was a cinder block, actually. Oh, my God. What? How do I not know this story? You got jumped with a guy in a cinder block? A cinder block. I assume it was a guy.

To be honest, I never saw the perp, but it could have been just a rowdy gal behind me who really needed a flip phone. Wow. It's like a Kyocera flip phone. It's spun to open rather than just flip. Real piece of shit. That was cool at the time. I don't know why you needed that.

No wonder you wouldn't go back to college. Telescoping antenna? It did have that, yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And did you have to go to the hospital for that brick? I did, yeah. And my parents thought I just fell over drunk.

They didn't believe me. Oh, my God. They filed a police report. I'm like thought I just fell over drunk. They didn't believe me. They filed a police report. I don't know what to say in a police report. I filed one for mine and they gave me a flip book of people to try to pick out. I have no idea. Let's just move on here. I got robbed twice. There was another time when I was at Florida State where someone

I was in the bathroom. I don't often lock my door. I don't know. Out of pure laziness, I suppose. And I was in the bathroom and I don't often lock my door. Just, I don't know, out of pure laziness, I suppose. And I was in the bathroom and I heard the door open and I knew my roommate was gone. Uh oh. And like a real tough guy, just locked that bathroom door. You can take whatever you want. I can take whatever the fuck you guys want. Don't come in the bathroom.

Walked out, my laptop was gone. My TV was gone. The cops came and the cops were like, I called the cops for that one, and the cops were like can you describe the perp? and both cops were African American and I was like I was hiding in the bathroom

I didn't see anything I was like, yes, he did oh, you did peek oh, no, I peeked out I thought you locked it no, no, I peeked out. Oh, yeah. I thought you locked it. No, no, no. I peeked out and just went, oh, boy. And locked the door.

You saw them. Yeah, so I saw one guy come in. I was like, that's it. And they're like, okay, so we'll get back to you if we find anything. No, of course not. Like in Seinfeld, you ever find anything? No. Like, that's it.

I know I'm never going to see that again. Was this in the dorm or off-campus housing? No, I never lived in a dorm. Off-campus housing. Villa Cortez on West, no, not West Tennessee Street. That's the risk you run, though, when you're off-campus housing? No, I never lived in a dorm. Off-campus housing. Villa Cortez on West, no, not West Tennessee Street. That's the risk you run, though, when you're off-campus, man.

Wow. Villa Cortez sounds dicey. I gotta say. Yeah, yeah, that's one of those things that you know what you're signing up for. You know what you're getting into. So along with the movie, you've got this performance

at Carnegie Hall coming up, right? That's right. 20 years with UCB? Outbreak Citizens, yeah. We're doing a show June 28th at the Carnegie Hall. Very storied venue. That's pretty cool, huh? Yeah.

Where would you rank that as far? I mean, that's got to be a big-time accomplishment. That is. That's kind of – oh, I'm hot. I feel like I'm hot on the mic. That is like a storied venue. Even my mom's going to come out for that one. I think people hear Carnegie Hall and all of a sudden you're important to the culture.

Do you get nervous with your parents in the crowd? No. I just ignore it. As long as she's not in the front row, I don't care. I don't want to see my mom in the front row because she won't like it, but she'll like that we're doing it. But she tends to not like R-rated comedy. Yeah, my mom has always been out of sight, out of mind

with anything I do here. She's like, it's not for me. I'm like, thank you, ma. Yeah, she saw some show in Chicago. She's like, well, you're getting better. That was like her fast review. Yeah, I mean, the way you said, even my mom's going to be there. Yeah.

Seems like a dicey situation. Yeah. We did a show at Wilbur up in Boston. It was like a thousand people, not quite Carnegie Hall. Sure. No, this was years ago. And I told my parents, you are not to come because like i wouldn't be able to talk relax talk and stuff like that and my dad snuck in never told me watched it from the back

and then came up after it was a pretty cool moment and what was the review of the show he loved it he really liked it but i did i was not happy about him being there when i first saw him i was like fucking a dude i told you you couldn't be. I believe we said some shit about dads. It got weird, that show. So you are a founder of Upright Citizens of Green, right? Correct. You, Amy Poehler. It's a pretty heavy hitter.

Matt Besser, Ian Roberts. Yeah, we came out of Chicago, came to New York in March of 96, opened a theater here in New York in 98. Now we have like four theaters, two in New York, two in LA. And now you, I mean, you're acting in movies. You still, you kind of oversee it all? Yeah. Producing behind it? Yeah, yeah, exactly.

We have some UCB connections out in the office right now. We have Millmore. People taking classes? Millmore is Amy Poehler's nephew. That's great. Very close. For real? Yeah. He let us know that like five years into working here. Yeah, like Amy comes over for Christmas. He slept on Amy's couch for a while or something.

Polar's nephew. So that means what? Her... Her brother's kid? I don't buy that one. I know her brother. He doesn't have a kid old enough to be working. How old is Milmore? I don't know. It's not on Amy's side.

He's the most mysterious guy here. He does have salt and pepper hair. He does have, yeah. Will Arnett. And then Francis took classes at UCB, too. Oh, really? We did some training there, yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of people who come through in the creative fields like this radio media world.

He's very good. You guys do a hell of a job. Thank you. He's very funny. Really? Yeah. Okay. You got the official co-sign from us.

I don't take credit for his talent. So, and Veep is, I mean, obviously has been a hell of a role right now. Mike McClintock. I feel like it's been around a while now. I always feel like Veep is like a new show, but I guess it's really not. We're going to be going into our seventh year. We start filming in August. So, yeah, seven seasons.

For whatever reason, I'm always like, yeah, like third season. It's like, no, it's been around for many, many years now. It is just such a funny show, man. It's unbelievable. Thank you. And I know you guys kind of get it all the time where it's almost like life imitating art or art imitating life or whatever with the current administration kind of just being out of control. Is that good for business? Bad for business?

I think it's actually bad for business because we are coming into our final season and I think it's been particularly... I mean, the country suffers more than comedy, first of all. We're all suffering. That's the disaster of Trump. It's a fucking nightmare.

He's a virus on democracy, basically. So it is a weird abnormality we're enduring right now. But I do think it's challenging to the writers. The concepts of the show, I think, were based on traditional politics and sort of what's held true over the last several decades for American politics. And then this anomaly comes up, which is completely more absurd than sort of story ideas you would pitch in a writer's room. Which is scary because, I mean, the storylines from Veep are as silly as it gets. And these are— Yeah.

So, yeah, it is particularly challenging for the writers, I think. And so I think that may have gone into their consideration with Julia and the writers. Like, maybe let's just do one more and then we'll call it quits. Oh, really? Yeah, this is our last year. I think so, a little bit. Wow. Yeah, I do.

Interesting. And I don't think you'll ever want to overstay your welcome. Like, I would do the show forever because it is so fun and everybody's super nice and the writing is crackerjack. I mean, it's the best of the best. I love Arrested Development. That's the only other show I really ever put on the same level where I feel like the wit and the clever and everything is just,

every single word is so measured. It's unbelievable on that show. Yeah. I think what appeals is that it's, you know, they never say what political party, right? Right. So what political party is it? Tell us.

She's not in a political party. I mean, come on. I mean, what do you think she is? I was going to ask you. I don't know. I mean, I feel like. You're a fan. You've seen as much of it as I have. Well, that's you think she is? I was going to ask you. I don't know. I mean, I feel like. You're a fan. You've seen as much of it as I have.

Well, that's, but this is my point was that it's, I think because it's so kind of ambiguous and kind of ridiculous, you're able to play in the politics field without being like political and annoying, you know? Yeah. Hopefully everyone can laugh at the show. Like hopefully, truthfully, it makes fun of all politicians. Like it's in the greater truth about politics they're like they're driven by ambition and they're not driven by the greater good right like those kind

of things that we're skewering which is true there's vanity there's greed there's you know super pettiness there's like ego beyond compare there's short-sightedness all that stuff which is held true but now there's a different level of that going on, which is harder to satirize. Right. I think you're right. Is that, I think Veep going forward will be compared to real life more now directly and people will politicize it more and not find it as funny based on what

their beliefs are. So I think it's good that you're just do one more right off and leave it alone because it's only just going to get uglier in real life from here on out probably. Probably, yeah. Probably, yeah. Unfortunately. So we got a couple voicemails. What we do here, we have people call in, and it's not like live calls, but basically the idea of taking calls.

Okay. Let them rip. Hey, KFC, Fights, BC, first time long time. Got a little question for y'all. So a girl that I've liked for a long time recently hit me up trying to hang out and trying to talk to me. Well, come to find out a few days later, her and her boyfriend were feuding and had since then broken up. So I guess I'm the rebound in this situation, but I'm just wondering, what is the move? How do you play the rebound to get the girl that you like?

Anyway, just thought I would share that with y'all. Have you ever been the rebound? I'm sure I have. I don't have a specific memory, but meaning someone sort of jumping into the arms of the next person when they step out of a relationship. I suppose I have, but I can't think of. Well, the old grandpa that I am, because I'm older than everyone in the room, I would say that you just start with like being a good person, be a friend, see where it goes. Yeah, I think as long as you're all on the same page. Yeah, be up friend, see where it goes. Yeah.

I think as long as you're all on the same page, being a rebound, be square. I don't know. Being a rebound backfires pretty hard sometimes. If you don't realize it, you don't know it. But if you're just like,

listen, I'm a rebound. Well, he said it's a girl he likes. Yeah. Yeah. I think, I think you got to give that time.

Don't, don't, if you like genuinely like her, then you have to be like, look, call me when you're not emotional. Yeah. You take, you take your time. Call me back. If you want to just, then you have to be like, look. Call me when you're not emotional. Yeah, you take your time.

Call me back if you want to just be a rebound. Well, that's a whole other bag of tricks. No, that's more detailed. You're right. But I think I'm saying the same thing. You've got to be honest and upfront. Maybe I like you, so I don't necessarily want what this could turn into. I want it to be nicer.

Honesty is a real pain in the ass, though. Honesty is just real pain in the ass, though. Honesty is just like, ugh, why? It's very difficult and hard to just be honest. But how do you communicate to this woman that you're like, just take a couple weeks or a month? You know what you gotta do? How do you say that?

You gotta set her up with another rebound. No! You can be the next guy. Listen, I got a great guy for you. That's too complicated. You're gonna set her up with another rebound. No. Oh, come on. You can be the next guy. Listen, I got a great guy for you. That's too complicated. You're going to become her pimp so she can find love in your arms later? I would call it matchmaker. That's all I would do.

But you don't want to matchmake the love of your life with somebody else? It's got to be the rebound, you idiot. You'll be the second love. I don't think that works. What's up, KFC? Fight Super Producer BC. I'm sitting around with my buddies right now. We've got a little debate slash hypothetical for you guys.

If you were on an island, what would be the first five sports to develop? We only got the top three. We said track and field, swimming, and fighting. So like MMA, wrestling, whatever. Let me know what you guys think. You a sports fan? I like sports. Cool. Nice. You like sports?

I do like sports. I'm a sports fan. I'm okay with sports. I've had a pretty successful career in sports. He's a Boston fan, so it's the opposite. I'm pretty much ready to be done with sports. I want to just like break up with sports. I've had such a poor run with it. Yeah.

But I can't seem to quit it. What sports would develop first? So I'm just understanding they're saying that the first three that they're going to develop are swimming, track and field, and wrestling. Yeah. Why is that like the no-brainer of it all, by the way? Well, because I don't think you need anything other than. Tools?

Yeah, like you don't need a ball. You don't need a hoop. You don't need a bat. You don't need a. And I assume this is like in. Yeah. Like you don't need a ball. You don't need an island. You don't need a bat. You don't need. And I assume, I assume this is like in the past, like you don't know of sports. Like it's hard to develop football if I know what football is. So like you're just stranded on an island. You never heard of sports before.

And you're like, let's see who's faster. So track and field is. Yeah. Let's use faster swimming. Swimming is. Okay. Let's see who can kill each other. It's basically like the first Olympics.

Yes. Okay. Yes. So there's two slots left to develop on the island. I suppose you need a ball game of some kind. Yeah, I feel like you get like some confidence going. Or a Frisbee. Can you make a Frisbee out of something?

Frisbee. Ultimate Frisbee. I feel like throwing something is next. Yeah. Right? The first thing that popped into my mind was Robin Williams when he's talking about golf. So it's not going to be golf. I've never heard him describe how ridiculous of a stupid sport it is?

I know Matt's a big golf guy, so he probably doesn't like that. But golf would take forever to develop. Golf is not the sport you would go to. It would be like football or basketball, I think. You could pound a hoop around a tree and then find some sort of shot-making orb. I think it's like shot put. I think it's just shot put. But that's track and field we already have track and field

it's gotta be a game where you're like competing around a ball and there's a score for points when you do something you either cross the line with the ball or it goes into a goal soccer is the easiest soccer would be next because you just like

ball up a piece of fabric tight with a rope and then you kick it. So soccer's for, and I would say take that same ball and go hoop on a tree. There you go. That's five. We're inventing sports. So the movie's out on Friday. The Carnegie Hall performances, you said June, what was it? 28th.

Here in New York City. Before you go, you were telling the story on Colbert about the UCB, like the old school shows where you're in like an old strip club. Yeah, it was an old strip club on 22nd Street that Giuliani had shut down. Yeah, I mean, just like sticky floors and a grimy scene. And I was just thinking like now I feel like you get like a funny Twitter account and you write a blog, you make a funny video. Like, boom, you're almost, like, handed a TV show.

Not to minimize what people are doing, but the notion of, like. It can happen that way. I don't disagree. Yeah, the notion of being, like, you guys were just got a bunch of people together. You wrote some jokes. You were grinding it out in, like, a gross strip club. I don't know if it's quite like that anymore. So it's a good story and it's an impressive one.

Well, you got to do the live stuff. Like, I one. Well, you've got to do the live stuff. I'm old school. You've still got to do the live audience stuff. You've got to get an audience that gives you immediate feedback. So if you're in your bedroom making YouTube videos and you think you're funny and you get a million hits, it's not the same as being in a room with an audience and they tell you, like, boo, that sucks. Yeah, that's funny.

You know what I mean? You need that experience. Do you resent the new age for it? There's no point in resenting anything quite for what are you gonna do it's just surf that wave my brother i'm just surfing the wave like all of us you're like the last of the old guard that's like that's like i don't like people don't do that i mean if people are in a classroom setting and i'm giving them notes on a scene or something, I would correct them on their inability to play something realistic. Like, there's a certain age of irony or detachment

or sort of fourth wall-ness that, like, a lot of comedy now sort of does, maybe. That's like my grandpa. No, that makes a lot of sense. As opposed to, like, saying, you're a fireman and you're on fire, go commit. They might go, oh, oh great i'm on fire boy oh boy what should they're not committing to the reality i would push people out of that habit and

say no no you have to do commit to it yeah put yourself in that scene commit as hard as you can play it as top of your play to the top of your intelligence it's great advice thank you very much matt walsh and we'll work on that whole battle royale to the death of your intelligence. That's great advice. Thank you very much, Matt Walsh. And we'll work on that whole battle royale to the death of both Matt Walsh and Saul. I'll get back to you on that. Yours is first. All right, fine. Yours is first.

You're going to take on an even number. No, an odd number, which makes it an even bracket. Fight off. Battle to the death. I think we need three matches, right? But if I die... Yeah, no, you will die. So while you're putting that together,

I'll be finding a new co-host. Correct. But you also then need to carry out the Matt Walsh. Okay. That will be your legacy. If he dies, call me, and then I will come in and orchestrate some Matt Walsh boxing match. Later. After your death.

All right. Big thank you to Matt. Matt, what's a good stage name for him? What are we going to change his name to once we do this Battle Royale? I guess once he has the Battle Royale, I have the names. But we need a rather distinguished name. Dog-a-vinch. Matt Dog-a-vinch.

Yeah, that was a good one. Is there a dog in the room? Did you just see a dog and then put a vinch in there? Hot dogs? I saw that too. There's a sign that says hot dogs for 15 cents here. And then he said a vinch. Yeah.

Matt Dog-a-vinch. I'll tell you what. It would be a lot more memorable than Matt Walsh. Yeah. And then like Matt Dog. Oh, I like that. Matty Dog. What's up, Matt Dog?

We'll get on the phone with him and we'll tell his people. We Dog. What's up, Matt Dog? We'll get on the phone with him, and we'll tell his people. We got you a new name. It's Matt Dog. Matt Dog. That interview. It's one of those obscure names, too. Is it Russian? What is he?

No, yeah. Is it made up? He's just Matt Dogovich. That sounds like a detective. Yes, I was going to say, I could hear the movie trailer now. Like, in a world where the city is overrun with crime, there's only one man who can stop it. Matt Dogovich. He plays by the rules.

His own rules. Coming to a theater near you, it's Matt Dogovich. The interview with Matt Dogovich was brought to you by Felix Grey. Computer glasses that are the stylish way to protect your eyes from the blue light and the screen glare. Whether you're at work and you're staring at Excel all day. Whether you're watching porn in your bedroom. Whether you're playing games on the computer. Whether you're on social media all day.

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like you start bleeding out of your eyes. I don't know if it's ever happened before. It's gonna happen. Well, before it happens, let's pop on some Felix Grey glasses. It'll get rid of the eye fatigue, the dry eyes, the migraines, the blurry vision, and the eventual eye bleeding. It's stylish. They are using the same. Not scientifically accurate.

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Like, he's, I mean, to perform at Carnegie Hall. I don't even understand, like, how that happened. I think I would say no. I feel like no thanks. Nah, you're good. This is ridiculous you don't need me in your life like like any let let you know if amy poehler and the rest of them want to do it like good for them but like i'm i'm all set i i it's like kind of like when we were at

even like caroline's for the first time and we're walking around and it's just like pictures of like louis ck yeah probably down by now but like Chappelle Chris Rock and it's like all these people I'm like we're doing a show here why are we doing a show here people paid for it

showed up for it yeah I mean like Upright Citizens Brigade is one of those things that's like revered in comedy and it's like yeah I created it

I invented it and then when he's talking about committing to reality I was like whoa yeah I was like what kind of comedy created it. I invented it. And then we were just talking about committing to reality. I was like, whoa. Yeah, I was like, what kind of comedy is this? Why is it going on fire? I just like talk about my dick, how it's small and then it grows.

That's my committing. I did commit to reality there. In a weird way, we've totally committed to reality. Our comedy is our reality. So actually Matt Dogovich We are the most I am the most committed to it Like every day

I'm just like okay What What happened today What really happened today And like why is it really funny This Dogovich thing is ridiculous That is one of the Stupidest things you've ever said

I love it What are you talking about Dogovich Dogman Matty Dog Look who's in? Dog man. Matty Dog. Look who's in the building. It's Matty D. This is already a fucking great name.

It's unbelievable. Shout out to the caller, too. Whenever we have these guests on and we do voicemails, we try to feel it out a little bit. You know when a guest is on and they don't give a fuck and we can talk to them about fucking your mom or your dad with one inch in one inch out and all that stuff and then there are people who are a little more straight edge and uh so you know the invention of sports was an interesting one yeah that was sometimes you need those like

what sport would you invent if you could matt walsh and you're well, we'd throw a thing into a hoop. Okay, all right, great. I was like, I'd just die. I was going to go down that road. I don't know if you would appreciate the eternal depression.

Hopefully it's like Hawaii and a volcano just erupts and we die. I would have been diving into a volcano. The high dive would be my first invention. Into the magma.

So let's get weird with it now. It's back to me and fights. We'll get into these voicemails. They're brought to you by Blue Apron. It's the number one meal delivery kit service in the United States. And a lot of people know how these things work by now. You get boxes delivered to your house with the ingredients. I've been looking trim lately, and that's why.

Is it Blue Apron? Yeah, I mean, because the thing is, you know, at this point, you know how the box works. You know the ingredients and prepackaged. It's easy to follow instructions, but you don't realize the type of food you can get. It's not just burgers. You're making short rib burgers with a hoppy cheddar sauce on a pretzel bun. Okay? That's the kind of stuff we're talking about.

Seared steaks. Okay? Okay? A little princess. Okay? That's the kind of stuff we're talking about. Seared steaks. Okay? Okay? A little princess. Okay? Okay? Seared steaks with thyme pan sauce and mashed potatoes, green beans, and crispy shallots.

I mean, these are heavy hitter meals. You can cook them in under 45 minutes without a trip to the grocery store. There's a two-person meal plan, which is probably for Final Burger. He would just eat it himself at Fat Dumb Pitch. It serves two people or a fat co-host. You can choose from eight recipes per week. You are looking trim. Feel my abs. Yeah,

man. That's an ab right there. It's not really like an, it's just like one ab. It's just like an ab. There's no like, there's no like little abs. There's just like one big ab.

No, no, no. Look at right there. Oh's just like one big ab. Nuh-uh. Nuh-uh. Look at it right there. Oh, go ahead. Do it. Do it. No, I'm feeling. I'm just squeezing your fat.

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slash kfc for a better way to cook this voicemail if we play for matt walsh you yeah i'm pretty sure he just would have stood straight up and walked out. He brought this one up earlier to me. He was like, we got a voicemail today. It's so strange. It's just like, I can't believe that this girl just kept letting these words come out of her mouth.

Like she sets the tone and then it's just such a strange, bizarre scenario. Can I ask a question before we get into the voicemail? Do you get like insanely stressed out while the voicemail is playing like when a guest is in the room yeah yeah I get nervous I'm not gonna like it and stuff like it's so hot and sweaty I stare right there the whole time like please be good

please be good Xbox you're like I don't want to like look at them I'm just like okay come on come on don't say like something like be like yeah be funny but not like weird I'll often find myself too like trying to react because like maybe if I find it interesting, he'll find it interesting. I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, we're good, we're good. Yeah, it's a stressful time.

It's so stressful. Turning your show over to idiots when there's someone important in the room, scary. We already have two idiots. That's enough. Three idiots is a crowd. Three idiots is a crowd. I'll put that on a T-shirt. High five, Jesse, Super Producer BC.

So I have kind of a fucked up hypothetical for you. So KFC, what would you do if you were going to a Mexican restaurant and you were meeting Fights there and he wasn't showing up, he was super late, and you're like, fuck it, I'm just going to order something to start with. So you order chicken nachos, and you're eating them, and you're almost done with them, Fikes wasn't there. Then you look up at the TV that's supposedly at this restaurant, and you see a news story that's talking about the restaurant that you're at and they are shutting

it down because they're using humans for their chicken instead of actual chicken. And then there's a picture of fights because he's gone missing and you realize that you just ate him on your chicken nachos. What would you do? Wow!

Love the show. Bye. Yo, I'll tell you what, I like this voicemail. I like it a lot. Yeah. I thought it was going to be a different kind of fucked up. Well, I thought that this, first of all,

I thought this was going to be very real. I was like, clearly this girl went to a Mexican restaurant, was stood up by a date, she was eating the nachos and what happened next?

I hope it's not true. Wow, I got to like, I got to like run through this. I've done, I've had something similar to this happen What? I mean not like What?

Obviously like similar in the realm of reality But the like restaurant Me and my ex-girlfriend used to go to all the time Oh I'm sorry the movie theater We used to go to all the time There was just a bar next door And we'd always go We'd get appetizers

We'd get like drinks And then we'd go over to the movie And we did it for a long time like probably once a week or so and then one week we went and it was just empty closed down with like an f on the door oh yeah like closed and we're like yeah like how long has this been going on you've been eating like feces for like a month yeah yeah yeah that's like rat shit and like all the beers I've been pouring, like the taps hadn't been cleaned.

Yeah. So like, I mean, it's better than human, but it was still like a moment of like, we're like staring and just like,

what the fuck, man? Like, how do you just do that? Like, like right away, boom, it's closed. Yeah, like there was no, like you went from an A to a B

and right to a C and right to shut down. Done. If I found out that I just ate Feidelberg in a plate of human nachos, I don't think there's anything

you can do. So you just like... You'd vomit uncontrollably. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. There's like... My parents just tricked me into eating food as a kid. That was actually a plum, not candy. I'm like, fucking shit.

That doesn't make me gag, but the idea of cannibalism. But what if it tasted good? What if you're like, oh, these chicken nachos are special. I bet I would be delicious. Think so? Oh, my God. Nice and fatty. I've been told on many occasions I taste good, Kevin.

Ew. Ew. That was all a lie. some fatty? I've been told on many occasions I taste good, Kevin. Ugh. Ugh. That was all a lie. Yeah, I was going to say, no occasions has that happened. That was all a lie. Zero occasions. I think, I don't think I taste good.

I wouldn't taste good at all. I don't think humans taste good. I treat my body like a fucking toilet. Like you think about it. Like, you know how they they have like like oh we do free range chicken because they're happier yeah like good food veal is like massaged and like well now veal isn't a good example i mean veal is kept in like a fucking solitary confinement so he can't move that's what i'm saying though like it's like it's kept you know so that it's perfectly like tender and all that shit. We would not be because

we're terribly cheap. Toilets and walking around. We're walking toilets. I spend most of the day, every single day, poisoning myself. You would taste like trash. Be it with alcohol or tobacco or just bad food. There's nothing in me that could sustain life. You'd probably

just die. It'd be like eating poison. You'd be poisoning yourself. Eating me would probably kill you. Yeah, you're so toxic. Not that you'd want to die, but it wouldn't be like you'd kill yourself. Right. But, like, you would just, your body would shut down.

Your body would be like, oh. There's too much poison in me right now. And, like, I've gradually learned. You've built up a tolerance. Yeah, learned to live with these poisons coursing through my veins at all times. You would have. It would be shock. It would be toxic shock.

What the fuck is all this? Yeah. What is it? A multivitamin? Like that's the one thing that makes me sick every day is when I take my multivitamin. That's it. I'm dead serious. You know what?

Like the one time I'm not feeling well every day is when I take my multivitamin. Your body's like. It's like. Start walking to work. It's it. I'm dead serious. You know what? The one time I'm not feeling well every day is when I take my multivitamin. Your body's like starting to start walking to work. It's like Newman. What are we? We got fucking vitamin D on the outside. We got some vitamin A and B coursing inside. He's walking. What's happening here?

And then that's when the body's like, there's enough of this. Let's get back to the bottle. And let's have ourselves a glass of scotch. Maybe a dip. Sit down. Relax. Stop moving. Don't work up a sweat.

That's what my body knows. We're good. Do you think that you would do... I think, fine, maybe you die. Maybe you start puking uncontrollably. But I think you just take this to the grave. Just be like, okay. Well, Fights is dead.

He's been murdered by the people in this restaurant. Like, I'm not going to fuck with them. They turned him into a plate of nachos and I don't need to tell people that I ate my best friend. I'm so bad at keeping secrets. I'd tell you 10 minutes. Would you just tweet and be like,

he just fucking ate my buddy. Jesus Christ. I would tell, I would probably, I'd probably like think about keeping a secret for a while, but I'm, I'm, I mean,

I'm, I'm really bad at keeping secrets. Well, here's the thing. I think about this often. Like, I but i'm i'm i mean i'm really bad at keeping secrets well here's the thing i think about this often like i'm good i'm good actually you know i'm good at keeping other people's secrets yeah your own secrets you don't care about your your if you don't you want to keep someone else's secret a secret because like if it came out it'd be detrimental to them but you don't give a fuck about your own life because it's a piece of shit so it's like correct whatever which is whatever. Which goes back to why it would taste bad. Correct. This tastes like sadness.

I feel like... You ever tasted sadness? Have a bite of me, baby. This is depressing. This food has a depressing palate. I think that if you told people you ate fights on a plate of nachos, they wouldn't believe you, though.

I think about that all the time. But if it's on the news... Yeah, it's out. And guess what? I'm the one. John had been kidnapped before I got there. Cut up in the back. Listen, if somebody is going to eat you, baby, it should be me.

You would know it's not chicken right away because I'd be like gray. Yeah, you would be the wrong color. Yeah. And the texture would be terrible. That's not what food looks like. It's just a mess. Hey, guys. Sketchbook at the bar guy here.

I've got a question for you. So there's this Shia LaBeouf movie from a couple years ago. I don't really remember the name, but it's not important. There's a scene where he's riding the train and he draws a picture of this girl that's sitting across from him, writes his name and his phone number on it. And as he's getting off the train, hands it to her and keeps walking away. So my question is, would that actually work? Because I can see it either working out really well or just completely blowing up.

I've never actually had the balls to try it. I have a question for you, sir. Yes. Are you good looking? The same as me. No, not you. The answer is yes. No, you're ugly.

Is this guy, if he's good looking, this is like the sexiest, coolest move ever. If you're ugly, you're calling the police. That guy's a creep. He's a stalker. Throw him in jail. If you look like the dude from Wedding Crashers, I recommend not doing this. The painting was a gift.

Todd, that's it. I mean, I think it's a good move, as long as you're not horribly ugly. Let me say that. If you're good looking, it certainly plays. If you're normal, I think it plays. If you're normal, I think it plays. I think it plays. I think it just shows a very cool talent.

I think you could also get away with, like, if you just drew, like, a funny cartoon or something. It doesn't have to be, like, a fucking piece of art. If you can, like, really draw, that's incredible. Like, it doesn't do that. But you just do a little doodle, funny little skit, funny little caption. Pass it off. Yeah, do a caricature of her. Do a caricature of the two of you on a date.

That's what I'm saying. Like, you know, if there's a boy and a girl, like, you know, kissing on a train or something like that, it's a funny little drawing. And then you just hand it and you walk away. You get off the train, the doors close. And, like, if it didn't work, it didn't work. Yeah, plus the police will never find you there. No, you're gone.

You're gone. She's like, I don't know, you got to offer to stop. Like, by the time that happens, I'm in a cab. Plus the police will never find you there. No, you're gone. You're gone. She's like, I don't know. You got off at the stop. Like by the time that happens, I'm in a cab. I'm out of here. See ya. I don't think you can get arrested just for drawing a picture of someone either. I don't know if the police would really need to be involved. That's true. She called the cops. What'd he do?

He drew a picture. Was it bad or something? What's the problem here? Is it of a swastika? What are you talking about? We jumped to police real quick. We jump to police pretty quickly. You never know these days. You don't.

I mean, it'll definitely be tweeted, and you'll definitely go viral, and then it's like nobody knows who you are, but everyone's talking. Some people like it. Some people think it's a creepy move. I think it's a good move. I'm in. I am in on this move. I'm in.

It's just like anything like a guitarist. If he fucking walks up to a girl and starts singing a song to her. Yeah, but that's so overbearing. That's so dramatic. This is just like, scribble. Here you go. Do you like it? Cool. If you don't, I'm running away. I'm literally running away. And I think it's a subtle little talent. Like, look at this. I can draw. I'm going to work on drawing just to do this, I think.

Hey, guys. All right. So last year, I had a breast reduction. Oh. Went from ridiculously large boobs to pretty decent-sized boobs, like double DD. So I have this new set of tits or whatever, and I love them. My boyfriend, I think, likes them. But only thing is i have scars i have

um like a scar around the whole nipple and then a line and then um all around like the bottom part of the boob so i have to name frankincense oh no my question right now is, is that a deal breaker? Like, do I keep my shirt on during sex? Is this a thing that, like, is it attractive? I've never really asked my boyfriend what he thinks, but I'm kind of curious. All right. Thanks, man. I mean, first of all, I think your surgeon's not very good, right?

Like, I don't know if you should be. You have scars everywhere these days. I don't know if you should be a scars everywhere these days. I have. I don't know how I'm not going to speak ill of a surgeon, especially not with, you know, people cutting up people at Mexican restaurants on the streets these days. What are you afraid that you're going to get killed by a fucking hypothetical surgeon? I just feel like I think a

surgeon is probably I don't know. I don't. I'm just saying I feel like in, you know, you can do implants and reductions that like slicing and dicing these tits open. I imagine a reduction is harder because I feel like like an implant, you kind of like put it in like, I'm sure it is harder, but a reduction like you actually have to take like meat out. Yeah.

Got to get that meat out, get him down to a D. Uh, franken tits is a tough nickname. That stinks. That's, that's very mean. How many people are seeing these tits that we're just like talking? Oh yeah. Nickname. Yeah. Like don't show them to your mean friends. You's very mean. How many people are seeing these tits that we're just like talking? Oh, yeah. Nickname. Yeah.

Like, don't show them to your mean friends. You have awful friends. You got a burn book. Like, this is not what they like. I don't know. I guess I used to make fun of people for everything, too. So I'm a mean person. People have since learned.

Listen, don't show me your fucking mangled boobs. This is not a deal breaker for me. Oh, certainly not a deal breaker. No. I'm surprised a deal breaker for me. No, it's certainly not a deal breaker. No. I'm surprised that was ever a question. Yeah, that's not going to be a deal breaker for a lot of people. It's one of those things where it's like if you're at that stage, if I take your shirt off and you have scars, it's too late. We're committed.

You know what I mean? We're having sex. This is awesome. This is awesome. There's nothing. There there's nothing you could you have scars on your face you could have you could have a dick you could have a dick i was gonna say you could have dicks for tits but i take your shirt off you got dicks for tits whatever i was gonna go with a dick in the normal dick place you want dick for tits but either way there's

dicks involved i pop that bra off and it's just two fucking fled dicks flopped around like meat spin that would i'm still i don't know that might be a deal breaker for me now that you describe it i think the deal is broken like like titty tassels but they're just dicks yep i'm out i'm out as you say that i'm out it's it's official i mean uh i think that you do get a little bit of um leeway with it being like kind of a medical thing like you had like uncontrollably big boobs you needed to get them reduced i'm not gonna like hold it against you that you got some scars i think you get you know it's almost like if someone you know it's like if there's a medical reason that something's wrong with you i think people

are more inclined to like not hold it against you this is a medical reason that something's wrong with you, I think people are more inclined to not hold it against you. This is a medical reason. He's going to have a bad back. I can't believe you. That's what I'm saying. Oh, okay. I'm saying. I thought you were saying an actual injury or surgery.

Yeah, no. I'm saying this is a medical reason, basically. So it's like, I'm not going to be like, oh, you got weird tits. It's like if you had a mastectomy. Oh, you're flat. Well, I had cancer, okay? I need to get them removed. I'm going to cut you some slack if you're flat when you had cancer.

I'm going to cut you some slack if you got frankentitties because you needed to get them reduced. I think that's fair. Plus, I think, you know, they still look good when you got clothes on. So, like, you got some banging tits when you're in, like, a nice dress or a tight shirt. Like, fuck yeah. Can we ask? Like, can you send us a picture? I would love to see these.

I'm so curious. This is just out of medical curiosity. DM them to KFC Radio. Nothing more. I just want to see them. There will be no names released. There will be no anything released. You can send them.

We have a KFC Radio Snapchat. Send them on Snapchat. They'll disappear. We won't be able to circulate them. I don't have access to that. Send them to the DMs. Don't go snapping nudes. I'm tired of people doing it.

Send a fucking picture like an adult. Commit to the nude. Don't send nudes to people you don't trust. And just send pictures. So send it to your favorite podcast. Yes. We could trust us. Keep your face out of it.

It'll be fine. I'm just curious. But like multiple angles and shit. I can't imagine they're that bad. I just can't imagine. I also, though, you don't get the nickname Frankentitz without like. From a mean girl you do. I mean, it took her like 15 seconds to describe all the scars.

I got the scar here. I got it around the nipple, up the side, this and that. Could be ugly. Send them over, girl. Research purposes only. Yo, if you could be the only man, only person on earth for any amount of time that you determined, how long would you spend? I have no idea what that means. What was it?

I have no clue. How long would you spend? No clue. The chicken human nachos was easier to understand than this. Play it again. If you could be the only man on Earth, how long would you be? If you could be the only person on Earth for

any amount of time that you determined, how long would you spend? How long would I stay on Earth for long? Like a day. Can I do the spoiler alert? Infinity War thing where I just disappear. I don't want to do pain. Yeah, just disappear. I mean, want to do pain. Yeah, just disappear.

I mean, I would maybe, I would like a couple weeks to watch certain movies and TV shows I've always wanted to watch. Yes. As long as society can, you know, I can watch TV, say there's still cable for some reason, and I can get food and stuff, I can live. Give me like a month to catch up on all my shows. You guys talk a lot about being left alone like really wanting to be left alone so i'm surprised you were just like all day now now but here's the thing i've since learned this like being alone this is why i don't know if i could ever be fidelberg i'd probably kill myself if i was john when i'm alone i like cherish it because

it's very rare if i just had permanent aloneness, I'd be like, I'm just gonna kill myself. But it wouldn't be permanent. Like, I think you could go longer than you think because you just snap your fingers. Everybody's gone. And then,

you know, when you snap your fingers again, everybody comes back. Oh, I was misinterpreting this. I didn't, I thought it was just like, Oh,

well, that's how I interpret it. It was like, if you could be the only person on earth for a certain amount of time, how long would you choose? But maybe you're right. Maybe it's like everyone else dies. See that change? Okay, that's a different scenario.

No, no, no. Maybe you're right. But what you're talking about is more interesting. If it's forever, then I don't want it. But if I can bring it back, like 15 years. I'm like, well, in 15 years, I'll get everybody back. It's about being able to get everything back. I would do that like I do like well in 15 years I'll get everybody back you know it's about being able to get everything back I would do that like I do

anything though like I would bring people back like I go to a dinner with a friend and I'm like yeah I'll get you next week nah next week I'd do that to my dad just keep pushing it I also feel like if you spend some time completely alone

and then you're like, you know what? I'm ready for everybody to come back. You'd regret that very much. All of a sudden, everybody's back, and you're like, oh, no. What have I done? The perfect analogy is going on vacation from work. It's not as much anymore. When we used to have that week off in between Christmas and New Year's, I would do literally nothing.

I would force myself to do nothing. Even when I was getting a little bored, I was like, come Monday, when we're back in action, I'm going to miss doing nothing. I would force myself to do nothing. Even when I was getting a little bored, I was like, come Monday, when we're back in action, I'm going to miss doing nothing. But that's because there's Monday morning coming. If you just have an indeterminate amount of nothing, eventually you're like, alright, I gotta do something with my life. But if you know it's

coming back, if it's coming back, you then also have to be like, I don't want to jump the gun. So you gotta give give like 15 years you gotta be alone 15 years i yeah i i think so i mean i've i've been alone for 15 years now and uh almost exactly 15 years i've been alone for now happy anniversary thank you very much and i'm not ready for people yet so maybe yeah 20 so we'll find out. This question will be answered eventually by John. Coming up one of these years, he'll be like,

I'm ready. And then we'll know the answer to this. 21 years! I'm ready to invite someone else onto my bar. Promo go KFC. My man. Last voicemail of the day is brought to you by Unchartered. We talk about this all the time. If the apocalypse

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What do we got? Hey, KFC. It's my super-duper-booster, BC. If you could have a megaphone and talk to the entire country for 30 seconds and they all have to pay attention to what you say, what would you say in that 30 seconds? All right, thanks. Viva.

If you had a megaphone? This is great. And everyone had to pay attention to you? This is basically almost like if you had a Super Bowl commercial. What would you say? Think about that all the time. Everyone has to pay attention to you? This is basically almost like if you had a Super Bowl commercial. What would you say? Think about that all the time. Everyone has to pay attention to you. For 30 seconds.

What would you say? Kevin, I cannot stress enough. I wouldn't say anything. That, I always think, is an interesting move for a Super Bowl commercial, too. Is if you just, like, 30 seconds and you did nothing, you know you would have Darren Revell being like, KFC paid $5 million for that. But everyone would be talking about it.

Yes, absolutely. Everybody would be talking about it. The man who said nothing, John Feidelberg. Imagine that if they were just like, imagine somehow we captivated the country, there was a countdown and a live stream, and they were like, I don't know, we don't know what's going to happen,

but this guy is going to talk to the whole country for 30 seconds, coming up, three, two, one, and then you just did nothing. He said nothing. I did a mic check. John. John. Me.

Sign. For those who don't know, I'm really bad at mic checking. Camera, microphone. He's the worst mic checker in the world. I panic. I don't know what to say. I get nervous. So in this case, I would absolutely be like, hi.

How are you? What's going on? John, I thought you meant like you were like, I purposefully say nothing. I was like, this is very zen. This is very like. Oh, I know. I definitely would. It would be purposefully.

But I'm saying if I wanted to say something. I just, I don't like saying like, the other day I tweeted out a picture, a screenshot just of like a conversation my friend and I had about the Bruins. And someone was like It looks like he likes you Way more than you like him Just because like My response is to his

Text And I'm like No it's my best friend I love him I just Don't like to talk I mean these people Are so sensitive these days

Yeah dude like that is You're reading into it Way too much man Do you think you could pick Like one cause though or one message that you would want to convey? Like what if I could just be like, just be normal.

Don't be an asshole. Don't be an asshole. Don't be an asshole. Our long term quest to get everyone to be like, just like, honest to God. And maybe I believe in people too much. Like, I just think everyone has like my just moral compass, I guess,

or a sense of decency, which I have. I do have a strong one in public. I do. I'm like, I'm like, you have to know. That's what I would be like.

You fucking assholes have to know that you're fucking assholes. You have to, I don't want to live in a world where you don't believe that you're being an asshole. Like, you fucking people on the subway playing your music out loud on your phone. You fucking people yelling and fighting in public. You people demanding to see the manager.

You know you're being an asshole. You people returning takeout. I know you know. I know you know what you're doing is unacceptable. Just follow the rules of society. It's fair. That's like, you have to understand it. There's no way you're going through life and thinking, what I did today made me a good person.

That's impossible for you to think that. This is a tough segment for your boy right here. Oh, please. We're talking about very different things. I know, but the audience is not. But there's a differentiator here that's important. It's the public aspect of it all, where it's just like you're just an asshole to absolutely every single person you encounter with your behavior. Big differentiator.

A humongous difference. Humongous. That's the end of the podcast. Thank you.