KFC Radio - KFCradio: Neal Brennan, Josh Gordon News Breaks, and Best Characters for The Purge

Episode Date: September 18, 2018

Neal Brennan stops by (1:00) to talk about Chappelle's Show, 3 Mics, Half Baked, the extraordinarily petty thing he did to Donald Glover, the meanest think Chris Rock ever said to him, The Champs and his upcoming comedy tour. Voicemails (54:56) include: dealing with a hot teacher, which characters to put in The Purge, and girlfriend wants to be an uber driver.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

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Major guest, big-time guest, the guy I've been wanting. Yeah, for real, dude. I mean it. It's a guy I've been trying to get in for a long time now. Checking it off my bucket list. We got Neil Brennan in the building. What's up, man? Hi.

First of all, power move that you guys get headphones and I don't. Don't do me no favors, guy. Don't do me no favors. Are you mixing me down a little bit? Because I'm screaming into this mic. Work the levels, bro. How hot is this in those headphones?

Jerk off. Am I blowing your mind right now? This is also coming on the heels. This is after you came in and just said, this place is gross. It's a lot of dudes at this place. It's more than you'd even think. Yeah, I was going to say, what were you expecting? It felt like a frat house on a Saturday afternoon.

Okay. Yeah, no, that's... Like the aftermath of everything on Friday night? It was great. It was very gross last night. Right. And you're going to need to fill out a police report. And now it's just like a lot of dudes.

I feel like a lot of dudes wear flip-flops here, and I don't like it. You know what? I actually don't think we'd have that many, hopefully. Okay, good. I don't know None of them are in this room If you're a grown man and you got your toes out At a workplace

What are you doing? You're not at the beach, don't need it How I'm screaming again How I never understand how people How hot are your feet getting? Or when girls wear Uggs, how uncomfortable are running shoes that you're like, oh, I need another level of comfort?

It's just like you can deal with a little bit of discomfort. Please. So, Neil Brennan, out on toes. Officially out on toes. Get your footwear normal. Girls, I'm fine. You know, ladies, you can do anything you want. But, fellas, I don't want to see your gross feet.

You're never taken care of. That's the thing. The girls, they got nice toes. They're painting the nails. The guy is disgusting. They're really going for it. You know what I mean? You've seen it.

You've seen my browser history. Yeah, so what's happening with you guys? What is, what's the talk to me? You talk to me about you. Oh, about us? Well, you know, that's, that's, let's, yeah, let's talk about us. Yeah. Cause you're a funny guy.

You, you, you know, you're talented. You produce, you write. Stop, but go on. Yeah, I do. All right. I do alright. I made a living for myself. I'm still out here. You're alright. You're doing decent.

What am I on? I'm on year 22 of being in the Writer's Guild, which is impressive. Yeah, it is. They haven't kicked you out yet? No, man. I keep paying my minimums. But I've been in comedy for 25 years, which is insane,

because I look so boyish. You can't see it on the cast, but go on their website. They'll probably put a picture up. We actually, we're high-end. Oh, shit! I thought that was just for security, you know, for last night. You know, my earlier...

Two birds, one stone. So, yeah, 25 years. It's a long time, man. It's not like something I think about, like, here we go, year 20, but it's just like you look back and you're like How long have I known We kind of always do that with this

We've been doing this for 10 years Give or take at Barstool And it's like lived your life Not in a public eye but like Been doing this for 10 years people have known it And like I was a kid And it's weird to think I kind of grew up a little bit Doing this

Stuff you said Barstool gets probably 10 more popular a year and then probably in the last couple years it's gotten like big time explosion the last yes yeah i would say that once we all moved to new york it used to be uh working out of our houses and now now once we brought it all in house under the same roof i would say disgusting it's just we get more popular in-house under the same roof, I would say. The same disgusting roof. It's interesting. We get more popular in the same circle because, as you noticed, it's all guys, white guys in here. And so it's like we're much more popular, but with the same.

Do you guys need me to introduce you to some black guys? Please, please do. Yes. I was going to say, it's actually the opposite. The total opposite of how you approached your podcast and a lot of your career is what we do here. That's actually all this is. It's just a gimmick to try to get that demo you go specifically white i did but the thing is we try like i'd love to go otherwise it's a chicken or the egg thing because like i'd love to go but then at some

point it feels like you're almost kidnapping black people forcing them to come work for you well like your whole gimmick was like we're just not talking to white guys right there's a when we started the champs probably eight years ago seven years ago uh we no longer do it but um there were no there were virtually no black people in podcasts in fact a lot of the guests we would ask would go what is a podcast right uh and then now there's not tons but there's significantly more um and uh so it's kind of unnecessary well I think that's because of you. Well, we paved the way. You did. You're a trailblazer, man. We're the Jackie Robinsons of black podcasting.

White Jackie Robinsons. Yes, the late, great Jackie Robinsons. So, yeah, but I know what you mean where you want. That's the thing that people don't realize is a lot of white people want to have black friends. They don't know where to start. white people want to have black friends they don't know where to start yeah yeah so there's no like you can't just you can't decide that i want a friend

based on skin color yeah well then that's almost like double races yes exactly it's like you should just be friends with your friends with and who you come in contact correct if you go out seeking it yeah then it's now no one likes it pretty much so yeah so i guys i respect what you're doing uh and um we'll get there yeah like uh you know what would you say hypothetically two uh straight white guys have been doing this there's nothing you can do yeah right there's literally nothing you can do it's just nothing that's it's just you just have to hope. You just gotta hope. Light a candle. Just one day the world will change.

There's nothing you can specifically do. The world will change and be in our favor for once. Finally get a win. So you were most recently on Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee with a guy named Jerry Seinfeld. And you said something I thought was

very apropos for the time where you said if you ever get hit with a think piece or a hit piece that you would say, wait for 30 days, and if you're still mad, then we'll talk about it. I think if the world in general abided by that, that whole ideology I think would be such a better place. Because it becomes this brush fire.

Yep. And it becomes like a dust up. And it's like if you, it's like every fight at a bar, if you said to the guy, it's always guys. White guys. White guys, mostly. Hey, let's meet here tomorrow at 2 p.m if you still want to fight we can fight absolutely yeah but you know you're not going to want to fight you know it's specifically about this thing now there are exceptions where i think like some uh dust-ups are uh

some people deserve to get uh to get you know written up on the internet, but most people, it's just like they just need clicks, and it's a slow news day. Right. But then it's a daily occurrence. Like Colin Jost, two weeks ago, got in trouble for saying he wishes the Oscars were more mainstream. And he got six hours of trouble on Twitter.

And it's like, you're just mad that he's with Scarlett Johansson. No doubt. That's all you're mad about. He's funny. He's great looking. He's rich. He went to Harvard. He's got the hottest movie star in the world.

That's all you're mad about. He could say anything and you'd be mad. No. And that's like the, especially we're in the internet. You guys get it all the time. I mean, every time. As hot and the broad especially we're in the internet. You guys get all the time. Every time hot and the broads

you're pulling. I mean, you should see the articles. They write about our flip. I can only imagine Twitter because I think it was like Thomas Jefferson who said, you know, take 10 seconds or whatever and then still matter and take 10 seconds. Talk to one of your slaves.

I think that's what the official. Talk to your slave mistress who he had kids with and he made them be slaves. One of the fathers of the country made his kids be slaves and claim they like it. Which the two things the guy can really stick with the story by going like, I don't know those kids. And they're like, we're going to make them slaves. Like, do whatever you want. I don't know. Really writing it out.

And also, what a piece of garbage. Yeah, not great. But the 10 seconds really had that. We'll give him that. Yes. And Twitter has taken that away. You don't have you. No one will think for 10 seconds and 10 seconds, he had that. We'll give him that. And Twitter has taken that away. You don't have, no one will think for 10 seconds.

And 10 seconds, that's really asking for a very low bar. I DM people about Jost. There's a journalist that I DMed who, like, we've DMed before. And I go, why are you going after Jost? Like, where's the, why such bad faith that Jost is like a white supremacist who wants, because he said he wants the, also if you look at the Oscar yeah, if you look at the Oscar nominations, they're all mainstream except for like Moonlight, like occasionally there's like

but La La Land made a hundred million, like these all, they're all big hit movies and the guy just didn't DM me back because he didn't, because I think he knows like, I don't really mean this, I just wanted to get in on it. I wanted to kick it. It's basically the Suge Knight at the

at the MGM Grand the night Tupac got shot. Just jumping in. Putting his gators on and stomping somebody. I found that even with just writing regular blogs where I found it was it got hard to like I was like i don't care

about this yeah like you're faking your your your whatever it wasn't even outrage or whatever it's just like i don't just don't have an opinion and that's why i kind of now now when i write stories it's just like personal stories that i care about i've had people write me up and then friends intervene and basically the guy agreed with my friend about me but my friend pointed out like he doesn't get paid to write retractions no way yeah it's paid to write hits but you know what i would have no problem if they just owned up to that if you just said like i gotta i gotta i gotta article right i got a boss you know what and you know what i just this is my shtick i would at least be like fine i don't respect you but don't tell me you actually feel this way because you fucking don't.

Course correction is underrated. Like, I think people – if I may pat myself on the back, do you mind? Let me take my other hand and pat myself on the back. I can do it for you. Yeah, thank you. You know, hundreds of thousands of white people dislocate their shoulders every year patting themselves on the back. I've had surgery three times on my shoulder. You know why?

That's why. So I was never a Donald Glover fan. Interesting. Did not think he was thought he was vain, thought he was shallow, thought he was just like wanted to be famous. All of it. Had no artistic credibility. Everything involved? Didn't like his first albums.

I remember Questlove telling me how much he liked it, and I was like, no. I was like – I literally edited it out of the Champs episode. No. Amir was talking about him and Jay-Z talking about how much they like Donald Glover's records. And I edited it out because I was like, I refuse. That is the most spiteful, petty move I've ever heard in my life. I am the pettiest. King Petty over here.

This is very early. This is his first album. That's the most spiteful thing I've ever heard on a podcast, sir. Trust me. Sir. So I hadn't seen Donald in a while, right? And I saw him at the Emmys. He was literally holding an Emmy. So this is like it worked in my favor. But I said I saw him and I go, hey, man, I was wrong about you.

Straight up. Yeah. I thought you were vain. I thought you were shallow i didn't think you were an artist did you go into all that or did you just say i'm sorry yes and he goes straight up man thank you like there's nothing he we all misjudge people like we just misjudge people i was judging him from a tiny sample i was judging him as an actor on Community, which is not who he was. And I just said, like, yo, my fault, man.

Like, I'm genuinely sorry I misjudged you. And he totally got it. He was like, I would have not liked me. He's like, I get it. Like, I'm doing a bunch of stuff, and I'm successful. Like, I get it. I the uh inclination to not like me because he wasn't the colin josephs it's like that happens a lot it's just because of the character uh i think it happens because i don't think it's character i think it is people people only like a

certain amount of success and they like a they like you to be successful in one thing. Once you get the acting, the music, the movies, come on, dick. Yeah, like enough. It's a blowout. You're running up the score. It's a slaughter roll. Speaking of that, your boy John Legend.

And also Neil, by the way. I am so mad at this guy. This John Legend. Yeah, but John is a good i mean john uh yeah there's john has very little uh he's married to a gorgeous girl who's also like legitimately funny there's a girl who okay so chrissy i've known Chrissy and – I've known John since John DeChapelle showed up. So I've known John for 15 years and I've known Chrissy for eight. Chrissy like came up to me at the Correspondence Center and was like, I'm so – like because we were friends on Twitter.

Yeah, I know. And I told – and I – so OK, so Chrissy – like I talked to Chrissy. We're friends. And I told Schumer. I go, you know, so, okay, so Chrissy, like, I talked to Chrissy, we're friends, and I told Schumer, I go, you know, this girl Chrissy's funny. And she's like, she's go, she goes, go fuck yourself. This girl's funny. I'm like, Schumer, I have no reason to say this girl's funny other than, and she's like, you're full of shit.

And then she met her and she was like, she put her in a sketch. She's like, this girl's very, very, she's, I got, and people try to throw the qualifiers out. Like she's funny for a celebrity, for a girl,

for a supermodel. It's funny, funny, good sense of humor, just funny, like just straight up funny. So, so yeah,

he's got that going for him. So that's, that's just one aspect. And then he's won an EGOT. I didn't realize the EGOT was a real thing. I thought that... No one cares. You know what I mean? No one's like,

he's up for an EGOT. I thought it was a joke from 30 Rock, like Tracy Jordan needed his EGOT. I didn't realize it was something actually attainable. I didn't realize that there were people that talented out there who could actually cover that broad a spectrum at that level. Yeah.

They're one of a dozen people. Like him, Mel Brooks. First, he's the first black. He's one of the first blacks to get an EGOT. He's got the black EGOT. Yeah, I guess. Look, I don't see color.

I just see breast size and facial structure. Yeah, so John's a guy who has a lot going for him. And he also went to Penn. He just says no. He's good and he's nice. He's funny. He's cool. Really can sing his ass off.

Just great. I got nothing bad to say about him. You got a lot going for yourself, too. Thanks. He's funny. He's cool. Really can sing his ass off. Just great. I got nothing bad to say about him. You got a lot going for yourself, too. Thanks. Thanks, fellas. I mean, maybe not the – do you have any musical abilities? Yeah, I don't have the ego. I spit.

I'm kidding. I don't like white people rapping. I don't see why. You have a lot of takes on the Eminem, Machine Gun Kelly. I thought Machine Gun Kelly's, what did he say? The chorus was funny. What was the chorus? The chorus was about being like spending money on security and all that kind of shit.

No, he said a really petty line. And then what I realized is, and then he did it again and I was like, oh, this is the chorus. I don't always say what I know exactly what you're talking about. And I can't remember what it was, but it really made me laugh. Eminem's a really good rapper and I've worked with him a little bit on a thing

that never came out. What was that? It was a Beats by Dre was doing a commercial and rock. Chris Rock said, have Neil write it. They call me. They go, hey, Chris recommended you to write this thing. And it's going to be Chris and Eminem.

I'm like, you motherfuckers. You trick me again. I got to work with this. And this Trojan horse to me. Yeah, uh this bum um and uh so eminem had eminem's a good dude like he uh so he did so he came in for the session and paul his manager was like uh marshall you remember neil and and he was like yeah of course like he'd done trapeze's show He was really on drugs then

But like he He didn't do like oh oh yeah He didn't like big time he was just like hey man Like nice dude And uh Like an amazing rapper So I got he's the only white He's one of the only white guys that I like

Out on machine gun killing And Mac I like he was a good dude I didn't know much about Mac I'm not a huge rap guy i didn't know much about him but you're kidding i did a lot of white guy with a middle part and but i did a lot of reading on him after he seemed like he was good dude also we did a we we dabbled in a music tour a couple times, probably, I don't know, eight years ago now. I didn't realize he was like 18 at the time. I had no idea how young he was.

When I heard 26 at the age of his death, I was stunned. He was a good dude. He came to see three mics live. Well, everybody did. Is that true? I mean, so we have a guy here, Francis, who's a stand-up comedian, and he said he was at the premiere. Oh, great. And he said somehow, because he's rich, white, and from Harvard.

Sure, sure, sure. He said sitting in his row was like Kate Chappelle. Oh, yeah, that was a tough, that was a tough, the opening night was, it was John Legend, Chrissy, Seth Meyers, which is like, and Trevor Noah. And then you're like, all right, I'm pretty nervous. Yeah, man. Also in front like, and Trevor Noah and then you're like, alright, I'm pretty nervous also in front of them, Chappelle and Rock, just like I told we did a live show once, I told

my dad he wasn't allowed to come and he had to sneak in without telling anybody because I didn't want to think of him in the crowd that's a lot fucking different than that it was like, it was one of these things where six minutes in i was like good job not choking buddy yeah because i just didn't choke i could have very easily choked i think i i like i don't even know if i stammered um but uh that's how hot it was it was such a magical night not a stammer was heard. No, I think I fucked up one line. But yeah, that was a hard... Thankfully, I'm friends with them all

and actually friends. Yeah, it's actually getting annoying how much... I fear you. Yeah, it's annoying how much you're name dropping. No, I know. I don't know what to do.

This is just what happens. Just like my awesome life. What do you want me to do about it, man? Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. I'm up for an EGOT. Yeah, so that was just a lot but it was uh it worked out and uh and rock said the meanest maybe the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me that night uh we're so afterward it's hilarious this is the good thing about being friends with funny people is they're like if your friend like john legend has never

written a song about me chris will say something hilarious or dave will say something hilarious mean about me specifically so me chris and dave get our picture taken together after the premiere we walk away and uh and the publicist goes hey hey, Neil, the photographers want a picture of you by yourself. And Rock goes, for the first time in your life. He was like, yep, that'll keep me humble. On my wedding day, he's like, for the first time in your life. Well, you were pretty open about that, even in Three Mics, where you were saying you needed to go out and do it on your own because you realized you've been around. You know, it's like if you're a partner with somebody that's like so obviously great, no one's going to give you credit.

So you got to get out there and take that shit. No, you got to just do your own thing if you want people to take you you get so comfortable though with that's something I run into even with Kevin me and Kevin have done everything together for a long time and like for the first time this year we're working on something doing by myself cause I'm like

Kevin's my security blanket if I fall he's got it but you don't need this bum yeah but you'll and what you'll realize is like it If I fall, he's got it. But you don't need this bum. Yeah, but you'll – and what you'll realize is, like, it won't be necessarily worse. It'll just be different. Is any – you know, the thing I tell people is, like, is Three Mics as good as Chappelle's show? No. Is anything as good as Chappelle's show?

Not really. So, like, I'm in with everybody else. It's not like – I was going to say, you didn't have to do that. Like, I feel like you were already – if you just stopped, you would be a successful – Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd have a successful career. You know, I feel like the fact that maybe people even bust your balls about it is kind of saying, like, you know, you're good enough to do this on your own.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I think if people were like, oh, yeah, that guy Neil's only right behind the scenes. But you'd be surprised how many people still are like, you're a coattail rider and all that stuff. It's like, okay. If you just don't, if you haven't seen Three Mikes, you just, no one, it's the Glover thing. No one assumes the best. And no one's going to give me, there's no good faith. Like Dave Chappelle and Neilrennan are both talented they just go like they all me and

dave a long time ago when we wrote half baked had a dismay date an agreement not to say who wrote what because we knew when people say who wrote blank joke what they're saying is which one of you can i write off which and they want to just go like, he's the good one and he's Garfunkel or whatever. And I've even heard that Paul Simon thinks that people shitting on our Garfunkel is shitty and like, what are you talking about? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. This guy's really good. But again, people were looking for generosity from human beings.

Maybe the worst place to get it. Like the only place in the world you can't get it. You're looking. I think what you said is if you haven't seen Three Mics yet, you don't get it because I think Three Mics was just brilliant the way you did it. I feel like it's something that we've tried to do like live shows, but we're not stand-up comedians.

And I always thought you have to do like live shows, but we're not stand up comedians. Yeah. And I always thought you have to be up there like telling jokes. You just got to be like. And the way you did it was interesting. You're being intriguing, you know. That's the like or revealing or it doesn't. I mean, it like people are mad at Nanette and Hannah Gadsby, that show. But it's like, it's interesting, man.

Yeah, it was. It was very interesting it doesn't have to be like people get upset comedians will be like so i gotta be sad now no you dickhead just be whatever you want to be whatever however you feel however you want to entertain people for 90 minutes or 70 minutes or six whatever just do that just it just has to be somebody told me that Bernie Mac told them you don't have to kill for an hour you just have to be yourself and be

interesting for an hour so like that's how we say it out here yeah but that's you have to be like a cool and interesting person then it's like be yourself well what if yourself sucks what if yourself is boring so when you do that that then you then steal quick steal well i mean when you so you're doing that it's the center mic right when you're doing your personal stuff is that is is you're are you

thinking entertainment there were you just like i think people are going to find this interesting are you kind of doing awareness and and for yourself? I knew people would find it interesting because if you've ever been to like 12 step groups like AA or Al-Anon or any of these, it's fucking riveting. Hearing someone be emotionally honest for usually the shares, sometimes for two minutes, sometimes for 10, whatever. It's fucking riveting. So I was like, I know if I do that about myself, it'll in, if I'm talking about things that I kind of am embarrassed by or am a little ashamed to talk about, whatever, that'll be interesting. So then it was just a matter of picking the things and, uh, and then, and then writing them or shaving you know tailoring them now the irony is

rock Chris rock from my from my earlier name job thinks the middle mic is too funny he's like no it's too funny you had jokes in there I know but he's like, you had

jokes in there. You should have gone, no jokes. And it's like, alright, dude. You're just a hater. What the fuck do you know, Chris? Yeah, look the fuck out in here. One thing that stuck out to me a lot was when you were talking about all the therapy you went through.

You did everything, right? Yeah, the PMS and ketamine. It through you did everything right? TMS and it sounds like you were just doing ketamine and like masking it as therapy man no dude ketamine I don't know how people do ketamine recreationally I was immobile I literally was just a zombie

and it's like a you know it's like an acid trip or whatever just like a 40 minute thing but it wasn't like woo it was like this is minute thing but it wasn't like woo it was like this is interesting and cool it wasn't terror it wasn't like terrifying right it was just like it was like a it was like a month it was like a movie scene of uh of of uh a drug trip so as you were going through all that stuff even starting with just like regular therapy whatever that was yeah therapy and then getting you know if you got prescription pills and then as you progressed.

Did you ever worry like if I get better, am I not funny anymore? No. What I've realized – I think that's like a fake argument. I think that's a thing that – Not funny people say? No. I think it's a thing that people that are I think it's drug addicts and alcoholics say it

because they're just looking for reasons to justify it. I can't! I gotta do coke! Right. I, you know, I wrote Chappelle's show high on Zoloft. It's, at this point

like my joke writing ability is like a reflex. It's not like it's probably born out of it's like I think my bet is not knowing how my brain works, but my bet is I have a feeling and

then I work backward from there to write a joke about it. Usually the feeling feelings of anger, though. It's not sadness very much. That's why I think it's – I don't think it's like drugs or alcoholics, though, because I think it's like this is the way your brain works when it's sober. Or not. Yeah, it's the way my brain works. It's the way my brain works, period.

I think, like, if you're on shrooms, everyone's funny on shrooms. I believe like you're extra funny on shrooms. But I find that my, that's just the way my brain, like on drugs, not on drugs. I don't think it affects the mechanism that the idea, whatever kicks out ideas, whether it's jokes or sketches or movies or whatever that's kicking them it's kicking them out it's just like it can't but that fear was never there that it's that is not not real i

thought about it and but the good news is then you just stop taking the drug i mean it was never an either or thing it was never i just i honestly believe it's a thing that that addicts say to to uh keep doing the thing they want to their crutch so like if the crutch is depression we might know but i don't like viewing the world through this here's what i'll say people like people get comfortable and people don't like change. I think that's the thing, like talking about even Nanette or even political correctness. People are like, why can't I say Valerie Jarrett looks like she's from the Planet of the Apes? It's like, OK, so I have to explain it to you and be it reminds me of when do you guys were you guys old enough to remember when they banned smoking in bars? Do you remember the belly aching?

Yeah. I'm going to lose my, my life, my, my, my lifestyle. You're hurting my bottom line. I'm not going to make money. No, you just want to smoke inside. These are all excuses for wanting to keep the status quo. So, like, I don't really buy most arguments are just born out of laziness, especially those, like, PC. Like, really?

How hard is it to not say tranny? Is it that challenging for you to not say tranny? My favorite of what you're describing right there, when Chris Christie got in trouble for the the George Washington Bridge shit and everyone was screaming at me. Well, what about ambulances trying to get to that? And it was like someone just said that. And you're running with this weird ambulance argument. You just don't like Chris Christie and you just want to argue. I've never heard anyone defend Chris. No, I'm not'm not i'm not where is he going no i i just i just vividly remember you're right he should have shut the bridge down nope not saying that i guess i'm saying

the amount of people who all of a sudden were so concerned with ambulance response routes i was like you just don't like this guy and that's fine i don't i think you're making a decent point not great but decent and uh it's a separate argument and but look you got it out there and that's all that matters look you're in the content business every idea they're not all gonna be hits was like six months of blogs for me, man. It's been on your vision board to get that into the podcast, and you did it. Lazy arguments, man. Lazy arguments, dude. With the emotional stuff, three mics, though, now you're back.

Unemotional. You did three. You know what's funny is, yeah, now I'm just like, I don't have any more sad stories. Chappelle goes, you should do a show called Mean Things My Dad Said to My Brother Danny. So then Peter comes in. That's my next show. Is there any worry about that, though? I mean, it's like, we get it, man.

You were in the will. There are. Am I worried worried i don't know because i you know what's funny with three mics is like the weird thing is as much as people at first were like averse to the format they end up liking the sad shit more than the comedy which is not i would say it's an insult but it's interesting they've never seen it before yeah so uh so now i'm just doing an hour and change of just comedy. So you're done with the – But the good news is people – you know me more now. Like you know who I am more than you did before. So now you're just more invested.

We talk about that all the time with new employees. You come out and you're just trying to do funny bits, people don't get you yet. You have to kind of work your way into that. Well, the best example of that is on Siren Live, Lauren will have someone do an update feature first just to tell, just like, hello, I am me. This is what I am like in the first month or two, just to get their feet wet of like,

and get the audience used to, because when you see someone on TV, like on SNL or empty, like it used to be MTV or when MTV would have a new VJ. And you'd be like, who the fuck is this? I'm going to fucking kill this person. Where's Daisy Fuentes?

And so it's like, you got to figure out a way to kind of introduce yourself to people. And that three mics was a good intro. I mean, you went from, you know, behind the scenes, like people accusing you of coattail riding. Yeah. To like, we know everything about you. More so than I know about Chappelle. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Were you ever like, oh, shit, maybe I shouldn't have told everything. No, because I don't really. There's nothing. The only thing I'm embarrassed by is the star fucker thing, because that's a character flaw. The depression thing. It's like fucking having a having a tendonitis or something. And and and the dad stuff is like he's he's a dick. So I'm fine with that.

So that came out like a prince in that story. Smell like a rose rose you smell that? that's me the so the Starfucker thing but even that's like people are like eh you're being too hard on yourself I knew when Mark Maron said I was being too hard on myself I was like alright that's good yeah so that's

I'm not really embarrassed but like I said people are invested now. And the other thing is like it – talking about having depression like means a lot to people. I get literally messages. I've especially been out for a year and a half. I get messages every day saying like, dude, this really – you explained it right. And I showed it to my wife or like to it helps people so but uh i'm not i just have to do whatever ideas i have laying around yeah like and i have an hour of jokes

right now so i'm just gonna go tell them and i'm not gonna be like but neil what else like you know if i have other format ideas, I'll do them. But yeah, I'm in the meantime, we're, we're pretty much an open book. Uh, and it freaks me out sometimes like how much people know or how much they are invested

or respond. And it's like, at times I wish we maybe just told some jokes, you know? Yeah. But I, the thing about podcasting that's cool is like like, it really is, like, a personal – it's as much journaling as it is anything else. I was going to say it's like a diary.

Yeah, yeah. So the male version of a diary is called a journal. Let me ask you this. You fucking girl. Listen, let me – how about this? What do you call – Hey, why don't you cheer me up? Bring up Chris Christie, you fucking idiot.

What do you call the bag that you put when you go travel? You put your toothbrush, your fucking razor. Good question. What do you call that? I call it a toiletry kit. I've heard it called a dop kit. Yeah, what the fuck is a dop kit? I think both of those stink. I literally thought

in the last 72 hours there's got to be a different term for that. 72 hours? That's how relevant this kid is. In the last 72 hours. I can go from two years ago on the bridge to 72 hours. Chris Christie

and to coming strong with some dop kit shit dop kits if you call it a dop kit somebody I was like dop the fuck yeah

I remember when someone said dop kit I was like what's a dop kit that happened last our last yesterday

we were recording and everyone in here pulled out their phones right away because I said dop kit dop kit fucking dop kit

have some pockets in your shirt maybe call it like a bathroom bag you have pockets in your shirt? Maybe call it like a bathroom bag. You have pockets in your shirt? Alliteration is huge. I'm very intrigued by this. As a matter of fact, I do.

The button up with the hoodie pockets. That's that Netflix money right there. You know that I have a flair for international travel, don't you? I'm in Hong Kong. Picture this. Here's the thing about Hong Kong picture this here's the thing about Hong Kong it's very close to the equator you don't think about it

you just think it's in Asia but it's like it would be like it's in basically like the Caribbean of Asia so it's really hot I had sweatshirts and I just had hoodies and I always wore a hoodie because I wanted pockets. I go into – I look up on Google like Hong Kong streetwear stores.

I find one. I walk to it. I go, hey, you don't happen to have a shirt with like pockets in it, like a button-down shirt with pockets in it. I'm thinking like one of those like Havana cuban old man shirts the pot belly shirts and uh the guys like the guys like in in in broken english he's like uh this i go over it's a button-down shirt with fucking pockets on the sides exactly what you asked for like i i didn't even think it was possible there's pockets on the side you it does it looks like a regular shirt there's pockets on the side blew my mind when you reached in and grabbed something what the fuck was that let me finish it blows everyone's mind i go how

can i get more of these the guy goes they don't ship out of Japan. They ship to us, and they have stores in Japan. I then, next time I go to Japan, I stock up. I meet a guy in Japan. I have him send me some. I've gone to Japan. I have 15 of these now, and I had more made in Thailand. You got your own merch company. We need to just call this like the Brennan.

I was going to start a company making them. I was like going through it with a girl and she kind of screwed me but whatever. She like dropped out and now I'm like, no. So, yeah, but I don't even. Well, can I tell you what? We're going to steal this.

We're going to slap a barstool on that. You think it'd be easy to start a shirt manufacturing company? Giant pain in the ass. But yeah, these are great shirts, and I have 15 of them. And literally to a person, everyone is like, what is that? They're the best. I mean, you just casually dropped your hand, and I was like, what just happened? I got a dop kit in my shirt so I mean everybody obviously loves Chappelle's show like you said

it's probably the best fucking show of all time the I feel like the maybe my favorite part of everything you did though is having your head explode in the Clayton Bigspeaks kit which I think a lot of people probably didn't know for the longest time until now they know

your face. Until now you're like, wait a minute. No, people still don't know. Sometimes I'll post it as a meme and like, and people are like, wait a minute. That looks like, it's like, yeah, it's me. It's fucking me. Is that weird to have your, see your head exploding all the time on the internet? I don't, it, it's not that much.

It's not like, I'm not like crying Jordan. It's up there though. What is going on now? You brought your keys out and you're like cutting apart. I'm trying to discard. You guys don't have any napkins in here or even tissues. Look at this place. Just spit it on the floor and nobody will read it.

I know. You're absolutely right. So now I've got my keys out and I'm trying to get – This is bizarre. Yeah, here, here. Fucking take that. Thank you. Thanks, guys.

Yeah, so – So, yeah, so my head exploded. And that's the other thing about, like, acting versus writing. People are really impressed that my head exploded. And it's like, yeah, but I also wrote it. And they're like, I don't get that. But the part when your head exploded. Yeah, that's fine.

Yeah, when your head exploded, that was fun. Like, I'm in Get Him to the Greek. People are very impressed with it. Like, I'm in Get Him to the Greek. People are very impressed with it. It's like it took me 45 minutes. I drove there. I stabbed, who do I stab? TJ? Or I stabbed Jonah Hill.

And then that's the end. And I took 45 minutes. But people are like, dude, give credit to Nick Stoller who wrote it for a year, directed it and all that, but that's just people don't understand. No, yeah, this kid I wrote about, racial commentary. They're just like, but you were on my TV. Well, I care, Neil. I care.

Thanks, buddy. I feel like, I mean, that to me really is like just the funniest shit that has ever been put out. That run you guys had was? How old are you guys 33 yeah i mean that's like real right in the yeah like you were i i was 18 19 i don't know if it was good enough to make me like sketch comedy or was so good it ruined sketch comedy for me but i don't typically like sketch anymore after that yeah did you ever watch like mr show before it was on before? It was on before Chappelle's. Mr. Show's really good. The original Mr. Show was amazing.

I think SNL's still good. I think SNL's good. It's hit and miss. It's sketches. Chappelle's show was hit and miss. We just had longer. We had more hits than misses. Your hits were fucking home runs, and your misses were like a single.

It was still very funny. were like a single yeah it was like Dave had a good point which is like he he before we started he was on Conan one time before we started and uh and and Conan's like who you're writing it with and he's like ah just me and another guy this guy Neil and Conan's like no don't do that don't just do two of you because you're gonna burn burn out. And boy, was he right. But he was right about. But Dave's point was like, it'll all be in our voice. You're not going to lie down. It's not.

And we would take outside ideas, not frequently, but every once in a while. And so, although it's like Rick James announcedames announced that idea it's like charlie tells us i was gonna say you lean on charlie for an episode here and there yeah yeah um donnell came with keeping it real goes wrong or me and donnell came out with it uh so like you know it we uh they were outside is but it was all me and dave would then write the sketch like brian tucker pitched the racial draft and then me and Dave wrote it. So you stole it. Okay. Well, no, we paid him. No, we gave him $1,500.

So it's all good. That's good. So $40 million minus $1,500. And we only made like $800 grand each probably off of it. That's the thing about Chobas. It's just like, uh. Like Eddie Murphy told me he made like $100 grand for 48 hours.

Oh my God. But then so that he gets ripped off there and then he makes 25 million for Shrek. The universe figured itself out. That's a good way. Just wait. Eventually you'll make your money right now. You're going to get the money. We're good for it.

The, uh, I know obviously you very clearly take the mental health stuff seriously. But was there ever a discussion with Dave like, do we have to fucking stop? Or were you totally on board with it? You understood he was in a bad place. What are you talking about, the end? Yeah, well, just like, I mean, he had his problem and he wanted to kind of disappear. And if it was me, I'd be like, hey, let's try let's try to figure this out dude we got a pretty good thing going so it was just so fucked up by that point it wasn't even like it was like yeah i it's it's also

the uh is everyone are you leaning into your headphones right now it was fucked up it's just like a you know when you're in a relationship and it's just Is everyone Are you leaning into your headphones right now? What's he about to say? It was fucked up You know when you're in a relationship and it's just Fucked up Like foobar as we used to say Back in the war It's just fucked up

It's just so fucked up that you're like I don't even know where to start With this Like you know It's like a combination of behind the music stuff They're like, I don't even know where to start with this. It's like a combination of behind the music stuff. It's just a mess. Business, pop. Yeah, it's just like.

At that point, it was just done. Yeah, it's just like, I don't even know. You know what? Go ahead and go to Africa. Get the fuck out of here. You know what? You're right. Yeah, it was just like a mess. Yeah, it's just a staggering number.

And the money, but also just like, let me ask you this. Do you feel like the success in the moment was as high as after the fact? Like the way people revere it now? Were you getting the vibe as it was airing? It was that good. Yeah, dude, it was like, I remember someone saying that they were in Vegas. Well, Dave's wife was eating one time and she heard someone say, I'm Rick James, bitch. And the sketch hadn't aired yet.

They had been at the taping. Oh, shit. Oh, really? people they were doing it they'd seen it once wow live and we're talking about it at like and she just happened to overhear it so i thought like oh that's a good sign yeah and then yeah you think and then uh somebody was like hey i was just in vegas It was maybe the weekend after it aired. And someone goes, I was just in Vegas. And people at the blackjack table were yelling, I'm Rick James, bitch.

And when I heard that, I was like, why? Why would they do that? Some very bizarre thing. And then I realized because it was like it became like a way of it was like it was truly a celebration. It was a celebration. I mean, it was so big i was in high school at the time and teachers like the cool teachers would come over to our

lunch table during lunch just to like rehearse last night's lines they go over like yeah we watched it like it was a game i was in college we would like one dorm room would have it on and it was like you're watching a basketball game. Everybody get together to watch Chappelle show. Yeah. I think that's the only TV show I have ever seen. You know, the thing about it so long ago, it was before YouTube.

That seemed insane. I didn't even know the world existed. I know it was before YouTube. Like, so you had to buy a DVD. I would only get a certain percentage of that money. Guys, now I have to fly business class when I fly. No, so like it was like prehistoric and yeah, it was just one of them.

I truly don't know. Like, I can't even say I know what to say about it it's not like it happened to somebody else but it's like it's just a I'm very like all I can say is I'm very I'm a very lucky person like not

we didn't say I'm not talented or I'm not but that's a real like if you look at your life, I just – I have a very – I'm having a great life. I mean and I don't say that as like – look, I'm still depressed. Don't get me wrong. Guys, come on. I'm not. Come on.

Open your eyes. Grow up. eyes come on i'm not come on open your eyes grow up um but uh but no i can objectively say like sometimes i'll be in my house and i'll go how much better could this be going there's like i can think of 10 people that i think are funnier than me okay in a world with six billion people it's pretty good yeah pretty good i'm not gonna beat myself up about like yeah but you but you're no Chris Rapp. Okay, fine. Or whatever.

Like, Chris is better. Like, there are things I'm better than Chris at. Like? Thank you for asking. Go ahead. We know what you want to do. I'm feeling a lot of repressed issues with Chris Rapp here. The name has come up several times.

No, so I'm just, it's a really cool thing and i'm it's something i'm like super uh proud of and it's also something i would have i would have liked the show like i remember when jackass came on the on mtv and i literally was like i'll walk to la and just do anything they want me to do I love that show so much that was another phenomenon type of show where it was just like a really it was Jackass was maybe the best distillation

of what male friendship is about which is shooting each other in the nuts with tasers that's like the most the deepest take i've ever heard no but that really is like that's the essence of it it's like that's male friendship it's like and laughing and just like fun i've even thought i think they did a bit this is later on they like

all measured their own dicks and then compared it and it was like in the world like if we did that around here with how sensitive people get it like they were so cool each other so comfortable each other they had a sperm count yeah yeah yeah's what it was yeah yeah yeah i mean literally really like who's the biggest man that nobody cared for for a show and that's chapelle show was like a distillate i mean that show was like a personal sketch show which no one had really done right like so ahead of his time it was yeah would you if you could go back i mean like you said life's pretty awesome now but would you have liked it to go you know five six seven seasons or do you would you really prefer it this way that's one of those like chicken egg thing i mean i would have liked to

have done the two we were contracted for but you know oh well i i some some ways i just think it was you know the perfect amount of time you wrote off into the sunset in a weird way. It's the right sexy corpse. Right. It's it is a shame, et cetera, et cetera. But like it's worked out for both. I mean, Dave's Paul Bunyan now. Like he's this like mythical legend.

And he got a bunch of money from Netflix. So it's like a hundred million. Yeah. I don't know. No, it was nine. I'm kidding. So, and I'm successful in a, as on my own in a way that maybe I wouldn't have been if the show kept going, you know what I mean?

Like I would have been old. I, you know, part of doing standup was about, uh, for me was about, uh, like speaking for myself and not even like, cause it's fucking Chappelle. It was just more about, um,

self-expression that I couldn't get out of here. Couldn't get out any other way. So what about the podcast? Didn't feel the same. Cause like you said, it's kind of the journaling. Yeah, I mean, I didn't mind. I like doing podcasts, but like stand-ups really the way to do it. Did you, ending the podcast just

because of that? Was there like a reason why it ended? We ended the podcast because we just quit. It was so hard to book people. It was not worth it. It was so embarrassing. I mean, we interviewed a we had a hundred episodes and if you look at it, it's like a who's who of Black Comedy. I mean, we interviewed a – we had 100 episodes. If you look at it, it's like a who's who of black comedy. I mean it's like people that were not – Gerard was on our first episode, Tiffany Haddish, Dion Cole, Questlove, Hannibal, Eric Andre.

Like really – not like we were – but we were, it was all people that we thought were funny. And then it turned out like they were. So, um, we were recently doing it with Asian guys. We've had, uh, Ronnie Chang.

We did, we did Ronnie Chang. We did, uh, Jimmy O. Yang and we did Ken Jeong. So we're, uh,

I think that's the list. We're out. We're out of Asians. We're going to retire to Steve Byrne. Okay. And we'll add him on too. And, uh, I'll write's the list. We're out. We're out of Asians. We're going to retire to Steve Byrne. Okay. And I will add him on to and I'll write his name down. All right, dude.

Well, I really appreciate the time. Yeah. My pleasure. How long was it? I mean, yeah, it was a long,

good one. Yeah. And we got, we got the 20th in Toronto. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, by the way, the reason I'm actually here, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, by the way.

The reason I'm actually here. You don't mind if I get something out of this, do you guys? You don't mind if I have some content to sell you, cocksuckers? I'm going to be, I'm in Boston on the 27th of September. And I'm in Toronto the 20th, 21st and 22nd at the JFL 42 Festival. Listen, all our Boston. And then I'm in Atlanta. Just go to my website, neilbrennan.com.

YouTube. You're going to love it. All right. Well, we're going to get back to Chris Christie talk. So get the fuck out of here, Neil. And we'll. Yeah, of course. Yeah, and we'll... Thank you, man. Yeah, of course.

Yeah, that was awesome. Thanks for sticking around. All right, that interview with Neil Brennan was brought to you by Robinhood. Robinhood is the investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, ETFs, options, and cryptos. Shout out to Uncle Lou. All commission-free.

That means no commission, John. John, do you even know what commission is? A percentage that they would take. There you go! This guy, he's been on Investopedia before. He knows what's up. They strive to make financial services work for everyone, not just the wealthy, hence the name Robinhood.

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Different reasons, but great. It's simple and intuitive. It's got a clear design. Data gets presented in an easy-to-digest way. And right now, when you go to barstool.robinhood.com, they're giving listeners a free stock like Apple. Heard of them. I heard of them.

Ford Ford. Yeah. Ford Sprint. Henry Ford Sprint. I didn't know Sprint was still around, but yeah, Sprint them too. You can get a free Sprint right now.

Uh, barstool.robinhood.com. And, uh, start cooking today. Neil Brennan. I don't know why he agreed to come on our show, but he did.

I like Neil a lot. I just, you know, when, when you have a guest who was just casually like Chris and Dave and Colin and now he's like, add KFC and Feidelberg to the illustrious list. It was,

he, I like how he acknowledged it too. Cause it it is like I get it being weird because honestly, again, in some circles, it's weird. Like people are impressed when I say that. I'm like, I was talking to Kevin yesterday. People like, oh, that's right. He talks to KFC. Right.

But here's the thing. We have always acknowledged that we live in this weird bubble where it's it's to some people. It's like super famous. And to the most of the world, it's not. He lives in the bubble called the world where it's going to impress everybody. There's no one who's like, oh, it's to some people it's like super famous and to the most of the world it's not he lives in the bubble called the world where it's going to impress everybody there's no one who's like who it's like Chris

fucking rock everyone goes oh shit John Legend yeah I don't know what to tell you these are just my friends I like that he's you know it's like when people are like they are scared to say they went to Harvard just fucking say it if you're friends with these guys and you're going to talk about your life,

so be it. That's what we do here. Might as well. Pussy-footing around is actually more obnoxious. Yeah, I agree. He was cool. I liked him a lot. He's very, like, interesting and down to earth,

but normal. Like, he hung out here and made me put on his shoes after. Yeah. That was something. Go to Kix in the office, you'll see it. He's Spider, was walking around wearing his Pharrell. Yeah, it's Spider. Get over here, put my shoes office. You'll see it. Spider was walking around wearing his Pharrell. Spider, get over here.

Put my shoes on. You know what's super interesting about it? It makes me think back to Marlon Wayne's interview where he was like, I asked him, why are black people funnier than white people? And he said, because black people have gone through some shit. Now, obviously, that doesn't have to just apply to race. It applies to people who have gone through some shit. And so you see this guy who's very open about his troubles with his father, his struggles with depression, mental health, all that shit. And he's also the funniest fucking guy out there.

He's responsible for writing some of the funniest skits ever. He's now responsible for one of the best stand-ups I've ever seen. And it's almost like you don't want to have problems in life. But if that's what comes of it, it's fucking incredible. He was such a flex. He was like, yeah, I'm sitting in my house. I'm like, there are maybe 10 people funnier than me yeah that was no that wasn't even a flex that was just like talking yeah he was just like yeah you know it's like i don't know 10 people

smarter funny than me it wasn't like i'm trying to be funny cool just just this is a fact this yeah this is the way this is the way the world it works in reality there are nine people who laugh better than me it's like a you know an n It's like, you know, I don't know, like John Wall. He's like, alright, there's a few point guards better than me, but not many. It's just an objective fact when you know you're as good at your craft as you are.

Son of a bitch. I don't have any of that confidence. None of it. And I don't deserve it either. We don't deserve anything. I was trying to do the math for like, he's not a one percenter. He's a.000000. John, I asked you simple addition in the show and you can't get it right. I don't even know if that's like an applicable thing.

I just kind of thought of it. You're over here trying to divide like billions numbers around. Get the fuck out of here. Get lost. Yeah, big time. But he's a very interesting cat. I very much enjoy talking to him. We've done a lot of good interviews.

That's up there for me. The only thing I wish I asked him were, I want to know what John Legend producing three mics means. Yeah. It's like, it's literally the lowest budget thing in the world, three microphones. And it's your material and your jokes. So you technically use it.

Do you bankroll the promotion of it? Or is it like, what? I don't know. That's true. the world three microphones and it's your your material and your jokes so you did you like do you like bankroll like the promotion of it or is it like what that's true speaking of john legend did you see what chrissy teigen sweet about yeah she's just letting the whole world say her name wrong she changed i love it i love that oh i mean it's one i won thousand percent i what even when i was in second grade people would say or, or teachers would say, they're running through attendance. Fetal, fight, whatever. I answered it, whatever. Yeah, it's fine.

Whatever. But you can call me John. That's easier. I don't care. I mean, Dave pronounced my name wrong for five years. Whatever. I mean, Dave pronounces Cooley. He pronounces Fetalburg.

He's pronounced everybody wrong. Tygen. Chrissy Tygen is the way you pronounce her name. She just lets the whole world out there to say Tegan. She said she just gave up. She gave up. And now she says Tegan. Yeah.

That's what's crazy. And when people say Tygen, she corrects them to Tegan. That's what's nuts. I have no problem with not correcting people. But when you yourself start to say your name wrong, because there has to be people like her mother and father don't do that, do they? They have to be like, Chrissy, that's not her name. To correct yourself incorrectly is nuts. That's committing to a lie.

It all started because Ariana Grande did the same thing. Yeah, and I guess – it's crazy to me that we've never heard Ariana Grande say her name. No, there is. We just haven't, but she has. She says Grande. I guess it's crazy to me that we've never heard ariana grande say her name no there is we we just haven't but she has she says grande i guess it's the name is grandy it got confused and she was like fuck it i'm gonna go with it and this time she was honest again yeah grandy ariana grand i think it's it's the same thing like the family pronounces a grand right she was like it's already out there as grande so i I'm not going to run. But again, to then, if someone says Ariana Grande, they're like, no, no, no, no, it's Grande.

No, no, no, it's Tegan. No, it's not, Chrissy. No, it's not. To be, Chrissy had a quote tweet where she was talking about that, where she said, I don't correct people. And we've said that all the time before. We've had the questions where, you know, if you get the wrong order, can you call and complain?

No, eat the fucking food. Oh, yeah, she said that too. I don't send anything back. I don't complain. You know, we've had the questions where, you know, if you get the wrong order, can you call and complain? No. Oh, yeah. She said that, too. Right. No, I don't send anything back. I don't complain. I am. I also find it hard to believe. What?

Because when you're rich and famous, eventually you kind of become a little bit of a diva. I don't think so. I mean, if there's anybody who wouldn't, it would probably be her. Yeah. I think you can just I think I don't think that has anything to do with money. I think poor people will send shit back. I think that's just a personality trait. I don't think it changes too much. I think's kind of just the way you were raised in the

environment you grew up in right you're just an asshole yeah well you are you're not you're a rich asshole you'll be a poor asshole it doesn't matter it's just i i will i could be a billionaire and i'm still whatever you give me i'm eating right like a little bitch sure bring that out the and the same thing with cabs i'll i'll do that where she said she'd get a new she'd hire she just changed her flight yeah take me to jfk if you if a cat brings you to the wrong destination get out so be it say thank you for the ride call another cat i'm i'm john fiedelberg thank you for the ride sir let's get into voicemails that brought to you by season nine of shameless the only thing going as long as Shameless.

I did some Shameless this weekend. Yeah. I didn't get the fuck out of bed. Oh, did you see? We passed like two ships in the night. John got out of bed at seven. I got into bed at seven. I put the kids to bed.

I went to sleep. I was out. Goodbye. I had I was just I kept being like, maybe I should get up. Why? What? What's there? What's that? Why be vertical when I can be horizontal? What am I going to go do? God, I hate you so much.

The fuck's the point of getting up? I fucking hate you so much. I don't. Actually, we talked on the phone midday-ish, I think. Yeah. And I told you on the phone. I ended up going out with actually a good amount of people we work with Saturday night. I didn't go out late. I was probably

back home by 11. I watched the Texas-USC game. I don't even know who won because I didn't pay attention. I was talking to you about noon and I told you I'm getting so excited to cancel these plans tonight. I was getting excited for you. I was like, cancel them. I had a cookout. cancel these plans tonight. I was getting excited for you. I was like, cancel them. I had a cookout.

A cookout my cousin had at 5. And I canceled on that. And then I was like. Well, he tweeted something. And he said, like, I'm getting out of bed. And I texted him. I was like, you can't. You're going to cancel.

You can't say that. You want that tweet out there? And he was like, I'm not canceling. Look, bud, I know how to cancel plans. I was stunned. I was like, what's happening? If I was canceling it, I know how to fucking ghost everyone. Don't you worry about that.

So you watched Shameless. So, yeah, I just did a bunch of Shameless. I'd been like a season or so behind, so I did some catching up. About to be on season nine to be with the rest of the world. Season nine is, I mean, it's got to be the longest running of any of the, like, premium shows, right? Yeah, I forget how long. I think California, in case you went eight. Yeah, but certainly

currently. No doubt. Nothing's even touching nine right now. So it's the longest running out there. You wonder why when you got William H. Macy, you got Emmy Rossum. And then after that is a new episode of Kidding. You're jam. Loving Kidding. I watched episode one and it creeped the fuck out of me.

You can stream it. You can watch it on demand or watch it live, but it's only available on Showtime. And if you do have Showtime, if you don't have Showtime, try a free month. Go to Showtime.com and enter code KFCRadio. It's the offer for first-time subscribers only. It expires September 26th, and you get a free month of Showtime.

That's what's up. That's what's up. We need more codes like that. You know how many people out there don't have Showtime and are about to go blast off with a promo code KFC Radio? Fucking blast off. Fucking blast off. Someone, yo, you get a free month. You can watch

all of Shameless. You can spend it all day on Saturday and blast it off. I mean, that would be fun. I tell you. You can watch. You give yourself a month. You'll bang out all nine seasons of Shameless if you're not a Showtime subscriber. So go to Showtime.com, promo code KFCRadio. Voicemail time. Let's do this.

Hey, what's up, guys? Need a little advice. I got a bit of an issue. My girlfriend has a really, really good job. She had a rough day yesterday. It was Friday. She thinks Monday she's either going to get fired or she's going to quit. And her plan that she devised last night and what she believes is completely normal is she wants to be an Uber

driver. We live in a large city. She's a cute girl. I have a bit of a trust issue, I guess you could say. I think this is probably the worst case scenario. So obviously my mind is going to all these different scenarios. What do you got for me? And I guess make it a little bit more relatable. What's something like this has happened to you guys? Thanks a lot, man. Bye. Wait. Trust issues meaning like she thinks she's going to like fuck

because she's an Uber driver? I missed the trust issue part. I kind of just started thinking about my answer once he got down to Uber driver. He said she's a cute girl. We live in a big city. I have some trust issues, so my mind is wandering a million different places. That't that sounds to me like she's gonna like bang everyone she drives or something driving for fake taxi yeah no like like like what is she gonna be like

dropping off at the at your spot and be like put it in park and be i'm coming up to fuck you hey uh like if i suck my if i suck your dick we give you five stars? Like, what? If your trust issues fall this deep, it's probably time to just get out of the relationship. Plus, who wants to be dating a fucking Uber driver? There's the point! There's the point! Especially, you're like, my girlfriend has a pretty good job. So listen, you know, everyone's progressive in 2018. You like being like, yeah, my girl kills it.

Now you have to be like, yeah yeah my girl kills it yeah now you have to be like yeah my girl dress for uber that's i it's it's not as weird to have a female drive for uber like if i got in a cab in a yellow cab and it was a woman if you are a female yellow taxi driver your life has completely failed you have failed at everything else imaginable You have to give up entirely and probably kill yourself. There's a million other ways for women to make money before they submit to the taxi medallion. I can't. There's a million other ways for everybody to make money.

It's a thankless job. It's the worst. It's the kicker of life where it's your only all negative negative no positive there's no like hey great ride that's just okay you didn't get in an accident if you are a little jerky jerky

if it doesn't smell that great but why is it like that like you can just have a car that doesn't totally fucking suck you have GPS on your phone you don't have to guess anymore like I get into yellow cabs they're like ah where are we going I'm like I see the smartphone and just put it in like the uber driver does and i don't really need all that gum and shit but like i don't know you could do that too why do you

have to make it suck back there yellow cabs back in the day i yellow cabs are fighting a losing battle though just because of the the container you're in that automatically makes you sick and i take a lot of i take a lot of yellow cab. I'm out on an advertiser anymore, right? It doesn't matter at this point. Yeah, actually, I bet he's like, who the fuck wants to date an Uber driver? That used to be an old ad back in the day. Well, here's the thing. Kids used to be drivers.

You could get paid an Uber. That was way back in the day, but that was definitely one. Uber driver just implies on-demand car driving by the way they they won like yeah i know but an uber is just a car when you become the noun when you become the noun for the service with netflix yep kleenex yep uh band-aid band-aid yeah like things like that it's just you want you'll you're you're going undefeated no they don't suck a dick uber i'm out on it i fucking i don't I don't ever use it anymore.

Because it just doesn't, it's not what it used to be. Where it's now like. Well, the main problem is when you're like four minutes and then it goes up to seven minutes. And then seven minutes is ten minutes. And it doesn't make any sense. And then you sit there. It's so frustrating. I just, I don't go anywhere far enough where I'd need an Uber.

So I just start walking and I hail a cab. And if I don't get a cab, I just walked the whole way. I mean, I think that you also have been lucky. You're traveling like 25 feet and you're going from like a, a popular street to a popular street. There's going to be, if you're like,

it's late at night, you're in a weird spot and you can't get a cab, you're getting it an Uber. Yeah. Oh, I'm a big subway guy too. I love the subway. Take subway all the time.

Do you? Yeah. Like I, like I took subway. I love these guys. It's like, yeah, I love the subway. Take subway all the time. Do you? Yeah. Like I took subway. I love these guys. Like, yeah, no fucking kidding. What? Like all like, you know, Dave not taking the subway or like. I mean, yeah, of course, you're a big subway guy. It's the fucking marvel of the goddamn world. Right.

No, it's the most like intuitive, like impressive travel thing ever. I've never been anti subway. I just I guess I go around a little bit more nowadays. Yeah. Yeah. I feel for like a solid 18 months months you just walk to and from your apartment to work yeah yeah no my my footprints are beaten into the sidewalk it's like smith it's like a triangle it's like apartment work smith apartment work that's literally what i do every day yeah yeah um so yeah i i i i branch out a little bit more now and you're hitting the subway i I just hit the subway. At a boy? Yeah. Anyway, let's get back on topic. If you have a girlfriend that drives a Uber, you have to kill yourself.

Yes. And again. No, you can just break up. That's easier than suicide. On some occasions. It can be difficult. We'll see. Yeah.

We'll find out. To me, the problem is, too, like, if your girl was cute and she had a job like let's just say your girlfriend sucks let's say she's fat she has no personality she's not smart she can drive for uber if it sounds like this girl like had it all at once going for her and also let's get back to the bigger fact like she's gonna be the worst uber driver ever yeah like if you are a cute girl and you did come from a different job if all of a sudden you're going to be like fucking behind the wheel, you are going to get in so many accidents and piss so many people off and I'm going to have to hear about

it even more. You cannot under any circumstances let your girlfriend work for Uber or you will hear about it all day and night long. That is a huge problem. Babe, I just picked up a bunch of drunk guys and they were like hollering at me and babe, I made a wrong turn and then they were like mad and babe, they gave me a 4.9 star guys and they were like hollering at me. And babe, I made a wrong turn. And then they were like mad. And babe, they gave me a 4.9 star.

Shut the fuck up and get a real job. The worst thing in the world is hearing, and not just in a relationship, but any friend's job. But mostly relationships. Mostly relationships, but just anyone. Jobs are like dreams. We're like, I don't understand the characters in this story. I don't fucking want to hear about it. Yeah, which is,

it's so true, and all I talk about is Barstool. See, luckily I don't talk to anybody. So you know what I actually, I mean, I haven't talked to my friends in like two years. I get mad talking about Barstool with Barstool people. I'm like,

why the fuck are we talking about this right now? But you know what's weird is, I have friends who talk to me about it, because it is different than your average job. It's not it's it's still annoying, but it's not like talking about, you know, an accounting job. Yeah. People do have some. But then I'll just find myself. I'm just like the only thing I'm thinking about right now is Barstool. So I'm just going to sit here in silence. Yeah, you're the weirdo who's just sitting in silence. You all right, man?

Well, theoretically, yes. But also this job that's sucking my soul. The it's it's sucking my soul. The, uh, it's, it's, uh, everyone does it, but I get, like, eventually you're supposed to understand the characters, but like, I'll have a girlfriend for two years and she'll be like, and you'll never guess what Samantha did today. I don't know who Samantha is. She's a new hire. That's my boss. I sit next to her and have for the half a decade.

I forgot her fucking name. I don't, I'm sorry. I don't remember your bad stories. Can you ever just remember? Oh, the girl who went to the bathroom and came back and shook her hand and she was still wet. And that thing turned into a week-long problem.

Do you ever remember the really mediocre episodes of television shows? No. And those are your stories. Not even the really bad ones that stick out. Just the mediocre ones that are like, I can't remember season four, episode 13. I i don't know what happened that's your entire fucking storytelling but you're doing if you're allowing your girlfriend to become an overdriver or taxi drivers you are

just bringing a whole world upon yourself consistently shifting cast yeah that will maybe that works in your bed you're not supposed to remember anybody. Almost exclusively be assholes. Yeah. So you just, like, every day it's like, I got to unwind. Here's a glass of wine and tell me. Fucking uber shit. Before I fall asleep.

How many stars did you get? And then I'm going to fall asleep and I'm going to get in trouble for falling asleep. Because I don't give a fuck about Tim who wanted to go to fucking Nassau and Stewart Street. And he got mad and he took the fdr like oh right i don't give a fucking shit oh also you might get raped yeah you might get raped apparently like your boyfriend's gonna blame you for that i don't know still don't understand the trust issues and that was wild i i had is your trust issues with like the general male population of the world because then that makes sense i don't trust the regular rapists out there you got to be like you can't get a job at uber i will cover you yeah that's it yeah just

like whatever your fucking uber earnings would have been i'll pay you my mom and when i was in college my mom wanted me to get a job and i do think for a guy it's a good gig oh yeah no i wasn't even around but the uh wasn't around no i don't think it was around. But I just kept telling her I was applying for jobs that I knew she'd hate. So I eventually got through a few of them. She's like, you know what?

Fine, fine. We'll just, I'll help you. It was like, I'm going to be a bar back. She's like, you're going to be out until four in the morning? How are you going to study?

I was like, okay, I won't do bar back. I'm a pizza delivery guy. She was like, here's an allowance. She's like, that's way too dangerous, especially in Tallahassee. You cannot be a pizza delivery guy.

Okay, fine. I think they're going to give me a bar job, bar tending position. Absolutely not. Well, I don't know what to tell you then. Fine, fine, fine. I'll give you some money. Well played. Sup, boys.

First time, long time. So I'm in quite the situation here. So I'm a brand new middle school teacher. I'm actually teaching at the school that I went to middle school at. And when I was in seventh grade, I had a teacher who was a fucking dime. I mean, I mean, you have dreams about her all the fucking time right so I get this job teachers still there she kind of want like she's flirting with me like right when I got the job and I was kind of going after it and then I was like oh

shit like there's only a dozen of the teachers at the school. Like this probably isn't the best idea if I try to pursue this. But now she's coming on like pretty fucking hard. Fuck. I knew this was going to happen. Breaking news. The Patriots are close on Josh Gordon. And I didn't want to say it, but like he is the perfect candidate. And that's the perfect place. Oh, man. Oh, man.

Like, everybody's like, Josh Gordon. Suck my dick! Oh, my God. This is going to be fucking awesome. It's going to be like Randy Moss years. I'm, like, trying to tempt my expectations because it's as close to a deal, but, oh, my sweet dick. This fucking awesome. Is it? It's going to be like Randy Moss years. I'm like trying to tempt my expectations because it says close to a deal. But oh, my sweet dick.

This fucking happens. See, everyone's like the guy can't stay on the field. No, no, no. He can't stay on the field for the fucking Cleveland Browns. If I had a little bit

of propensity for drug use and I was stuck in Cleveland, I would be doing it all the time, too. If you told me like, yo, stop doing drugs. You can play with Tom Brady this Sunday. I'd probably stop. Yeah, I think so. I think so very much. I think this would be I it all the time, too. If you told me, like, yo, stop doing drugs. You can play with Tom Brady this Sunday.

I'd probably stop. Yeah, I think so. I think so very much. I think this would be I don't know how the fuck it happens. I'd already written this off because the Browns said they didn't want to trade in the AFC. I figured someone would pay up for him. If he even gets released, like the Patriots have 30th shot at him. I think someone's gonna take him for then.

So how is it happening? I didn't think it was going to happen. Yeah, so how is it happening? I didn't think it was going to happen. That makes me think, though, like someone else will step up now. Like, I don't know, the Jaguars are like, we'll stop them. Like, we don't really want them, but we can't let that happen. Yeah. You know? God damn.

God damn it. That would not be good. Fuck. God, that would be so awesome. I hate to say this, but if if that happens i hope his drug problem is really so bad sorry josh sorry for the gordon family i hope his judge i hope his drug problem is as bad as advertised keep that fucking guy off the field motherfucker all right let's get back to this guy run it back because because so he's a he's a teacher he went he's teaching at the school

that he used to attend There was a hot teacher Apparently that hot teacher Is still there And she's making a run There is Nary a Nary a situation Harder to turn down

Than Your teacher crush Laying it on you I mean you gotta do it Right okay I mean you have to do it Fuck her in the break room For God's sake

This is This is a childhood Not a rite of passage, but a childhood dream. It's a fantasy. Like, yeah, fucking do it. She could be terrible now. She could be gross now. Whatever.

You have to check that box. I feel like all of my old babysitters, first of all. Wow. No, no, no. I'm just saying. I feel like they're all drug addicts. I'd fuck any of them. I feel like they're all, like, gross-looking drug addicts.

I'd fuck it. For sure. For sure. I wouldn like they're all gross-looking drug addicts. I'd fuck it. For sure. For sure. I wouldn't even think twice. I went to school. PS-175 in the Bronx. It was so overcrowded and so understaffed with the hottest people on the planet.

I don't even think they were teachers. I think they were just grabbing hot people. I'm talking about the guys, too. The guys might have been hotter than the girls. Mr. B, Mr. V. They could fucking get it. But the chicks, holy shit, they were dimes. I'm telling you right now, I would do anything to any of them no matter what the consequences. Yeah. Oh, you're going to lose your job as a teacher?

Go drive Uber. Who fucking cares? I can't believe that. We kind of talked about it this morning a little bit when we were talking about kidding. Anyone who dedicates their life to kids is a fucking idiot. Because it's such a lose-lose. Like, best case scenario, everyone thinks you're fucking the kids. Worst case scenario, you're fucking the kids.

Those are your two options here. Why go be a teacher? Especially if you're a good-looking guy. If you're a good-looking guy in middle school, even in high school. Why are you here, man? What are you doing? Because the girls are being a little flirty with you because that's natural. And you're like trying to be nice and like maybe you're smiling.

Like, ah, it's cute. And all the whispers of the parents are like, he's fucking her. I know. At least the dad's. At least the dad's like, what the fuck's going on here? If you're a fucking moderately attractive person, you cannot go. No, you can't. Kids should be left to themselves.

No one can help children. You need an online fucking video on the wall. Oh, yeah, sure. That'll help. Online talk to kids. Yeah, you're fucking set for that one. There's nothing you can do. There's no way to talk about helping kids.

Well, no. All right. Here's what it is. Teachers have to be like 16 way to talk about helping kids. Well, no. All right. Here's what it is. Teachers have to be like 60 and up. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. You don't think so? I'm just thinking like the creepy glasses, bald hair.

That guy's fucking the kids. There's nothing you can do. What about you have to be 60 and female? 60 and up is like basically. You have to be a 60-year-old plus female. Yes. Yes. You can't be a man.

You can't be. I'm sorry. Nobody thinks nuns are fucking anybody. Nuns have to be teachers. Most of them already are. Yeah. Nuns have to be teachers. Most of them already are. Yeah. Nuns are now all teachers. That's it.

Make yourself useful because what the fuck do nuns do? They don't do shit. They don't do a goddamn thing. Nuns are just sitting there. I don't know what was up with my life as a kid, but I feel like I saw nuns all over the place. Yeah,

and doing what? I had a nun in my family. I think I mentioned that last episode. Sorry to her. And I had a nun and a priest in my family and I think I mentioned that last episode. Sorry to her. I had a nun and a priest in my family, and I turned out like this. They are so disappointed. Actually, they're probably like, we know what's going on behind closed doors. He's actually much better than we are.

Yeah. At least my friends. I guess, yeah, there's this really, yeah, it's got to be nuns. I mean, not priests. No, you're out. No, definitely out. It's nuns. That's it. Nuns. Anyone going into the teaching profession, I know it's got to be nuns. I mean, cannot priest? No, you're out. No, definitely out. It's nuns. That's it.

Nuns. Anyone going into the teaching profession, I know it's a thankless job, and I know you fucking buy all your school supplies with your own money and shit like that, but everyone thinks you're fucking the kids. I think, well, I guess not after Sandusky and whatnot. Buckets. I do think there are some gym teachers that I get the vibe, like that's just a lazy dude who's like hosting and wants

pension but then there's also like the Sandusky gym teachers so if you're one of those not good if you're one of the like dude I get to wear sweatpants to school and I get a pension in 30 years I'm like alright cool you're cool everyone else is fucking the kids anyway fuck your teacher yeah fuck your teacher for sure

definitely what's up KFC fights I could teach it for sure. Definitely. Yep. What's up, KFC? Bites? Superdude, Superdude from BC. Question for you. So I started watching Always Our Single Girlfriend last year when it first came out. We got two or three episodes in.

I loved it. She thought I was okay. But of course, you know, I'm not allowed to watch it on my own. So then now that season two came out, I'm like, all right, this is a great time to start watching it again. She still says that she doesn't want to watch it yet. And I again said, all right, I'm going to watch it on my own. And she said, no, I still can't. My question for you is, what is the amount of time that I'm able to pause watching a show before it's okay to watch it without them? This is a classic relationship question for this era.

One of the more difficult. With Netflix, with binging, with Hulu, with, you know, you can on demand, you're watching it at your own time, but you also have to wait for people and you're in a relationship and you want to share it together but you also want to be able to watch your own tv i think at the end of the day and this is coming obviously from a guy who can't give much relationship advice anymore but maybe this would have helped uh to to tell someone that they can and cannot watch tv show is pretty crazy well for her to be like you can't do that even though she didn't like i was gonna say just to be clear here she's done watching right she i i think. Maybe it sounds like she wants to get back into it, but if you watch a season together and one person, put it this way,

if the boyfriend was like, I'm out, that girl's watching that shit whenever she wants. That's a fucking one-way street where one person in the relationship has to listen to the other one about what they can and can't watch.

I actually, I have a little bit of experience in this with a roommate, not a girlfriend. I did it through the entirety of Sons of An of experience in this with a roommate, not a girlfriend I did it through the entirety of Sons of Anarchy and this is again kind of like how much of a pussy I am I guess, where I just, I never told him

I stayed up until 3am so then I just rewatched I rewatched them all the next day and then wow I don't think I've ever told him that. That's hilarious. So we would watch. The amount that this man will avoid confrontation is staggering.

I think Sean would have been like, I don't care, bro. Right? We only have one TV in the house, so he wanted to watch the shows. But that's different. So you just were like, I have to sit here anyway because I only have one TV, and I'm not going to rock the boat. If you had your own TV, would you have been have been like i'm gonna go watch something else because uh i mean i guess i could have i had a laptop i watched so much stuff on my laptop anyway so i

could have but i'm about roommate camaraderie yeah um well that's what this is about this is about keeping the peace yeah and so like the answer dude how bad do you want to watch ozarks versus how bad do you want your girl to like if she fucking like you if she bailed i would watch it in secret yeah and then if she ever wanted she bailed, I would watch it in secret. Yeah. And then if she ever wanted to come back, I'd just watch it again. And pretend that you hadn't. Pretend I hadn't. Right.

100%. Which is, but you realize how ridiculous that is, right? Yeah. I mean, I'm kind of like seeing things from the rear view now, and I'm like, I preach forever about separate dinners. Like, you should be able to eat what you want when you want. You should be able to watch what you want when you want you should be able to watch what you want when you want yeah but in a situation where i'm kind of doing i i very much enjoy the shared experience of watching so do i so do i and so you have to find shows listen you

have to find shows that you like together in this day and age if you're not like an activities couple you better find some fucking tv shows you like because that's all there is to do but if someone is like, I like this show and the other person's like, I don't, we need to fucking come to an agreement as a society

that we're going to split off here. But that's what you do. And we'll come back together for Handmaid's Tale or some other shit. No, but then in that case, I think you need to do is you need to watch

the show you find during the day. On your own time, right. Yeah, you need to watch Ozark on your own time. I mean, here's the main thing. Girls go to bed early. I don't know what it is.

They go to bed like nine o'clock. It's fucking amazing. You watch from fucking nine to one. You can watch whatever you want. Yeah. Or you got to watch it on your commute or on a day off. You got to find your time. You can't be.

I don't think. There's TV time with your girl and you can't eat into that. Mm-hmm. But girls cannot like be mad at someone if they achieve this if you've bailed on the show that's yeah that's wild right again i don't think he should be able to hole up in the fucking bedroom and watch while you're watching another one and then you're not just spending time together as a couple but i think if he wants to while you're asleep or like while you're on the commute or at work whatever the fuck you watch tv do Do you think, I mean, again, we, in my marriage,

it was like we used to try to watch TV together all the time. But I feel like, you know, maybe it's when you're, like, married 40 years. I feel like, you know, your dad goes to the man cave and your mom's watching something. And it's like, is that an old generation or just that they're older? I think old. Is it so now, the 2018, that it's like we better watch together because i sometimes i feel like we're forcing this girls like something girls likes typical tv shows guys like typical i watch

sports i want to watch the mets every night sometimes i'm like i may kind of be in the other room and then like you know but then it's like well we're never doing anything together at night what do you do i think tv is a little different nowadays i think it has more power in a relationship now they're worse like like my parents watched Seinfeld. Well, that's the thing. I also think that you didn't have choices. So it was like, we're going to watch whatever's on two, four, and seven, and that's it. You know?

Now, I think it's an older thing. Because now, my dad watches the Bruins in the other room. My mom watches... Bravo or whatever. Secretary of State. No, she likes the CBS shows. Right. The programs, they call them.

Yeah, yeah. It's interesting, though, because it's like, they're the ones that have been married 40 years. It's like, maybe sometimes they'll go watch the game. I think...

Again, I'm coming from the wrong perspective, but... But it's also, it was... There just wasn't... First of all, there weren't as many shows. Second of all, there wasn't the ease of watching.

There was no DVR. There was no streaming. There was no a whole season. There wasn't even a TV in every fucking room all the time. Right. I was no DVR. There was no streaming. There was no a whole season. There wasn't even a TV in every fucking room all the time. I mean, we had like, I don't know,

we'd have one in common rooms. Now you have TVs in your fucking bathroom for the time to take a shit. It's crazy. It's tough. There's really no right answer. But bottom line is,

girls, if you're going to be out on a show, you have to allow your boyfriend to continue to watch that show on his own time. And even if she doesn't, girls, you have to. But boyfriend to continue to watch that show. Yeah, but even if she doesn't, girls, you have to.

But there are plenty of things they don't do. So then you guys gotta be fucking sneaky about it. And this is where it always comes back to white lies. Yeah, yeah. You have to pretend. Oh my god, he killed her. I can't believe it. I'm three seasons ahead of you, bitch. Last voicemail of the day is brought to you by

FanDuel. Let's talk about FanDuel for a bit. I don't know if you heard this. They gave Dave a free seat in the WFFC, the World Fantasy Football Championship, where he has a chance to win 500 grand. I have a problem with this, FanDuel.

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And new users get a $20 bonus when they make their first deposit on FanDuel. Come play with us all at FanDuel.com slash Viva. all at FanDuel.com slash Viva. That's FanDuel.com slash Viva. Age and state restrictions apply. Hey, TMK FC Radio. Got a question for you. Just watched the first episode of the new Purge show.

I'm a fan of the trilogy of movies. The show looks pretty good also. But as I'm watching it, I was thinking, who would be the best character from another show, or I guess movie as well, to see implanted into the show, into the Purge situation, to see how they would behave.

Good question. My first obvious choice, and I think you guys probably agree, would be Dennis Reynolds. Really take the gloves off and see what his psychotic mind would do, produce in that situation. But would love to know your thoughts. Feel free to throw in. I'm not sure if they're still employees or athletes or whatever,

but I was thinking TV. Great question. One which I bet we're going to really give some more thought to and we'll break down a watch list maybe. Take any other TV or movie character, put them into the purge. God, that's fucking hard. Dennis is great. He would just rape everybody.

He would rape everyone. Rape's not bad anymore. He would rape everyone. Rape's not bad anymore. He would fuck everybody. They're fucking Charlie under the fucking bridge in Atlantic City. Fuck, that's really hard. My first instinct, it's kind of lame because I think everyone thinks of murder in The Purge, but Quinn from Homeland just murder everybody. But he kind of just does that anyway and just doesn't get caught.

His whole life's a purge. It doesn't matter. He's like, I don't care what the rules are. He lives lawlessly. He worked for the CIA. No one's ever going to catch me. I'm allowed to basically do this. I'm a government-sanctioned murderer. Right. Oh, that's got to be so awesome. I've always thought about if you walk into a place and you're the biggest dude,

it's like a meathead thing, but it's like if you just walk in, you're like, I could beat everybody up here. It's got to be an awesome feeling, right? Imagine you're an assassin. I'll kill you and no one's even going to know. I'll kill everybody here and the president just flies me to fucking $10 too and I just live the rest of my life peacefully. Nobody cares.

I'm not allowed to be interrogated. I can do whatever the fuck I want. I'm not allowed to have police talk to me. I'm not allowed to be under oath I'm too fucking Oh you get to do this 24 hours a year? I do it every day I know too much shit that I can never get in trouble Nobody's even allowed to talk to me period

I'm trying to think of what shows I'm watching right now That would be Fuck What about dropping like God damn this is hard Fucking Phil Dunphy fuck i don't know what about dropping like uh god damn um uh fucking phil dumpy just watch him get murdered yeah that's kind of what i want to see i want to see someone murder him speaking of there will be a death on modern family the writers have said that there will be a

major death uh which is probably gonna end up being some sort of cop-out but we will be a major death, which is probably going to end up being some sort of cop-out, but we will be breaking down the modern family death pool on Watchlist Wednesday, and I think we'll do this. I think this is going to require some thought. Yeah, it is. Because I also thought about

maybe Tig from Sons of Anarchy. He would get into some shit. But again, he already does that. Yeah, you're picking violent shows where they don't have the person that lived by perjury rules. We need to figure someone out that almost like Walter Whites it.

Like he's a nerd. I mean, maybe it would be Phil Dunphy. Maybe he would go nuts and rape people too. You need to figure out someone who's like the biggest loser on TV, who's always getting pushed and prodded and loses and loses. Big Bang, dude. Yeah, man, one of those nerds. Yeah, and he could.

Yeah, he's always smart. He poisoned everybody or some shit. Right, right, right. But the person who really needs to cut loose and go fucking violent the most, that's who we'll figure out. So catch us on Wednesday. Jason Bateman in Ozark, I know it was something we just talked about, but he doesn't kill, but he's got anger in him.

Yeah, and I feel like he always kind of comes up with a plot or a plan to get around it, and eventually I'm just going to bash you with a baseball bat. And it doesn't matter anymore. I'd like to see a spin. This isn't really a Purge type guy, but I'd like to see a spin off of Ben, Buddy

from Ozark. I think he lived a Purge too. This guy was doing whatever he wants. That would be a great spin off. Buddy is the only redeeming thing about Ozark to me. That's so disappointing. When we played that voicemail, I was like,

this is much like me and my significant other. He's bailed on this show, and I can't stand him for it. I still watch it. I've watched it all. Buddy would be great. Buddy and Mike Ehrmantraut, two guys that need spinoff shows. Maybe together. They probably crossed paths.

They probably did. How about that? That'll be the greatest crossover event in history. Today's episode was brought to you by Kite. If you're tired of your vape always dying or if you're losing your extra pods, you need Kite. It's a new portable vape charger and pod case that's compatible with Juul. Heard of them? The kids love them.

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