KFC Radio - KFCradio: Nine Lives

Episode Date: June 28, 2018

Big Dick Energy, who's got it and who doesn't. Mutual Combat. What women want to hear in bed. Feits did the Russell Brand impression again. Voicemails: girl has no cell phone, what would you do with nine lives, what's a beta female can't swim or can't ride a bikeEpisode presented by: Bird Dogs got to birddogs.com and use promo code KFC for a free hatSeatgeek promo code KFC for $10 offStateAndLiberty.com promo code KFC for 15% offBetsDSI.com promo code KFC25 for free $25 wagerstore.barstoolsports.com and use promo code KFCRADIO for 15% offYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's the summertime, which means you gotta be rockin' comfortable shorts that look stylish and feel good. That's what Bird Dogs provides for you. It's Bird Dogs all summer long. Now, I remember as a kid, getting my bathing suits, and they had that weird net liner, and it felt like you had a lunch lady's hair net all up on your dick. That's descriptive. Right?

So I'd grab the scissors and I'd chop those out. No, no, no. Not with bird dogs. These are some silky smooth liner. This is like some sort of soft massage on your thighs when you pop them on. It just slides in. I'm not a big underwear guy in general, but I definitely don't wear them with bird dog. I'd say, hey, baby, you rest in this hammock right here.

Yeah, no, there's no way you could eat. I don't think you physically could wear them at the same time. But that's why I like them so much. Right. It's just one less thing when you're traveling, when you go out to the beach, when you go to the Hamptons, whatever, you don't want to pack all this underwear. Yeah, right. One less thing to worry about filling up in your hamper.

You've got that Bird Dog gym shorts with the silky soft built-in liner. I got the hats. I got the t-shirts. I'm decked out in Bird Dog for the summer. So go to birddog.com. Use the promo code KFC and they'll throw in a free

Bird Dog's dad hat with your order. That's birddogs.com. Promo code KFC. Get a free hat with your order. Another edition here. Johnny's back. I'm back. John was all juiced up.

You come back from vacation. You have that reinvigoration. You're ready to go. Oh, I'm so excited for it. And you walk in, you look to your right, and there's Dave Portnoy, and you start to hear about all the dumb stories about bullshit going on here, and immediately I watch the soul just exit John's body. But before that happened, Liz gave me, it was just such, like, a girl comment,

where it was, she was like, you look, ah. Something different. She's like, you look, something different. She's like, you look healthy. Like, I've looked like a ghoul for the last couple of months. We all have.

For the last life. If you've been trapped in like your office all winter and even through like the spring, you look like shit. You're pale,

you're tired, you're miserable. You go away for just a little bit, you get some vitamin D, get away for, you read, how many books did you read, John? Three books.

You read three books. That's like 1,000, like 1,500 pages worth of shit. You were reading big books. I was smashing books. No, it was only like 1,100 pages, I think, total. I could see you reading like Charlie Kelly, though, just kind of skimming over, flipping through pages. At one point, I was motoring on the plane, and I to the second half of the book so you could fold it in half and just flip.

Yeah. And I was just like, bang, bang, bang. Like, shit, I am moving right now. Yeah. I also, if I read on vacation though,

there's times where I just zone out for like 20 pages. Yeah, that's what sucks. I don't know what happened in this chapter, but I'm just going to keep moving. Oh, see, I go back, but we've talked about that

with Netflix, where it's like, it just takes a lot longer than rewinding 15 seconds. Oh, I've got to go read 10 pages. Son of a bitch. Why did I just pay attention? It is DVR for your brain, and that takes a long time. It's like, you kind of remember it, but not enough, but you do feel like you're just repeating

it. I also, a lot of times- Reading is a fucking, that's a motherfucker. A lot of times I stop reading a book, but I'm like, I'm scared to finish things. I don't like closure and stuff like like – I'm scared to finish things. I don't like closure and stuff like that. That sounds like a psychological disorder. But I very often when I'm reading, just when I'm reading here, I stop about three-quarters of the way through a book. Yeah.

It's like I get the vibe for it. I don't know. Maybe this person dies. Maybe they don't. Maybe they end up in love. I'll leave that up in the air. But then I brought another one that I – it's actually a book I tweeted about when I was about three-quarters of the way done. I finished it in about two nights. I got like three-quarters of the way done. I finished it in about two nights.

I got like three-quarters of the way through it. And I tweeted. I was like, this book is dope. It's called Beartown. It's basically – it's Friday Night Lights but a hockey team in Sweden, I believe. And I – my dad had been the one who recommended it to me. And I started reading it again. And on the plane, I tapped him on the shoulder.

I said, hey, did they win the plane, I tapped him on the shoulder. I said, hey, did they win the game? I forget. Did they win the final game? And he's like, what the fuck is wrong with you, son? That's the main part of the book. What do you mean? It's really not in this story.

It's about the journey, man. It's not about the destination. Yeah. But I didn't go back and reread, and he didn't answer me. But I carried on, and I figured it out. So I guess I don't always go back and reread, and he didn't answer me. But I carried on, and I figured it out. So I guess I don't always go back and reread. I carried it on. I put the context clues together. What the fuck is he talking about?

I carried on and figured it out. Yeah, I just kept reading, and I was like, okay. It later came up again where it was like, oh, the game we blank. And I said, okay. Oh, no spoilers over here. Yeah. Johnny Literature doesn't want to spoil it For the people out there

I don't want to spoil Come on A hockey version Of fucking Friday Night Lights That sounds dope That's some shit right there How's that not made

It's like a movie Or something yet I mean this book Just came out But I was reading it Last night And I was like It has to be

Because it's Everyone perfectly Lines up with The Friday Night's characters There's a lot of soap operas. There's Harrison. There's rape. Oh, wow.

Is there murder with Landry? No, I think this takes the place of that. There are other little crimes. The craziest storyline ever. We've got to do a video on that. The most asinine, ridiculous TV storylines of all time. Landry rape murder. Way at the top.

Just murdered him. Way at the top. And legally him. Way at the top. And legally murdered a guy. Right. But then decided to not tell his police officer father. Idiot. Small town Texas,

murder is legal no matter what. I was going to say. Not even if she's raping, he was raping a woman. You see that story the other day with the two gay guys who, oh, you'll love this story. Two gay guys married, got in a fight over who was, like, less drunk to drive.

So it was like, no, I'm drunker. You have to drive. No, no, no, I'm drunker. You know, you and your dad always do that. You race to see who's, like, I'll race first. I was going to say, I don't even – I don't let that become a fight. I come out of the whole shot hot, and I don't slow down. So these guys were, like, 60 and 48 fighting over who was going to drive,

and they engaged in what is called mutual combat, which is just like, okay, both parties agree to fight. And then they got hit with mutual restraining orders, like you both have to stay away from each other. Really? It's such a weird world with the gays. Mutual combat is like a lame, it's like the G-rated version of Mortal Kombat. Yeah, right.

Mutual combat. You're not ripping people's throats out. Just two drunk gays fighting by a fucking Nissan Miata. With the gays, it's funny because it's a fair fight. If a guy's beating up on his girl, it's like, come on. You can't have that. If it's two gay guys who are like, all right, we're both like 6'2", 240. Let's fucking go. These are big bears.

These are big bears fighting. Bears. Those are real sizes? These guys, no, I don't know. They did look like, I mean, listen, if you're drunk brawling over that kind of shit, I don't think you're twinks. Yeah. So my imagination ran wild. Could be an honor.

What's an honor again? Powerbomb. They're on the bottom, but they generate all the power. The mutual combat slayed me. Just like, all right, let's do this. The police show up. No, no, no. It was mutual combat.

We're good here, officer. Keep it moving. Can't that only apply in domestic situations? Can't that apply at a bar? We agreed to fight. I think somebody tweeted me, like, in South Dakota they got them. I'm like, of course they do. I think as long as it's declared. South Dakota, they have mutual combat, but

not gay people. You can do this if you're hetero. If you're homo, no way. We got a couple internet stories to talk about before we get to our voicemails. One is a new viral trend.

That's already dead. We couldn't even get to an episode. Before it was beaten to death. However it's so up our alley. That we got to talk about it. I'm talking about big dick energy. Big dick energy is brought to you by SeatGeek. If you got that big dick energy.

And all the ladies are coming at you. They can feel your presence. They can feel that big dick aura. They're going are coming at you and they just they're just they could feel your presence they can feel that big dick aura they're gonna want to go on dates with you and you got to take them somewhere that a big dick energy dude would take a girl and that's why you got you're gonna take them some you're taking a live sporting event where you're sitting like courtside you got to take them to a baseball game where you're sitting down the first baseline you want to go see a broadway show you take them to like Hamilton, something hard to get. Go to your favorite comedian, make her laugh. That's what big dick energy guys do.

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get $10 off your first SeatGeek purchase, Act like a big dick energy kind of guy does. So some blog, I think The Cut, wrote about it first. And they said that Pete Davidson has big dick energy. Oh, okay. I thought this was one single tweet. Because I wasn't on the internet too much this past week. And I landed and saw a couple of tweets about big dick energy. And I just assumed it was like a black Twitter funny tweet that went viral.

No, no. This was like a white girl, I think, who wrote about it saying, Pete Davidson, he's tall, he's got like a brooding look to him, dark circles under his eyes, he's funny, but just carries himself like he doesn't give a fuck. And he's like openly like super, he gushes about Ariana Grande publicly, he doesn't care. That's big dick energy. And she went on to list people who have big dick energy. She doesn't even have to be a guy.

Rihanna, big dick energy. Okay. They said Cate Blanchett, big dick energy. I don't even know who Cate Blanchett looks like. Cardi B, big dick energy. Yeah. It's confidence. It boils down to confidence.

Confidence, yeah. It's swaggy confidence. I heard the Pete Davidson description. I was thinking Baita Boy. Yeah, I actually – Beta boy might have big dick energy. I did not think of Pete Davidson as a big dick energy guy. I think of him as a beta boy, yeah.

Yeah. Like confident in a different direction. The idea is you walk in like you've got a fucking hammer between your legs. Us and Pete Davidson, we know that we don't have a hammer between our legs, but we also don't care and we know that doesn't like define i think that would be my beta boy that you think so i i i i mean let me say this we don't literally walk in in the room being like i'm the coolest guy here no no no no no certainly it's like i walk in being like i know exactly what i am and i'm okay with

that and i have that confidence that like there might be some people in here who are cooler than me there are some people who are not And I'm going to have fun no matter what The thing I have is I walk like an asshole You do, you do this like bouncy thing on your tiptoes Fucking poof When you're talking about walking Like a funook

Dude, I started talking to a girl who I hadn't talked to in a while This is years ago and it had been a year since I first talked to her And we were just kind of talking about meeting up again And seeing each other again And she goes, I can't wait, whatever, blah, blah, blah, but do you still walk like a fucking asshole? And I was like, I do. Yes.

That's my walk. You do this, like, your arms kind of flop. My arms flop. It's almost like a McGregor. Yes, it is. I walk like McGregor walks into the ring. Right, which is a good thing. I mean, when you think about it like that, you're an asshole, but he does that on purpose

to be like, look at me, I'm the fucking man. It's just how my body moves. It's just- It's utterly ridiculous. That's the big dick energy flowing through my veins. I mean, when you think about it like that, you're an asshole, but he does that on purpose to be like, look at me. I'm the fucking man. It's just how my body moves. It's just- Utterly ridiculous. That's the big dick energy flowing through my veins. I guess so. I guess so. And I lean back, too.

Remember one of those videos once of just a drunk guy trying to buy beer in a grocery store? It's like the CTE footage. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And he's just falling back at all times. I'm kind of like that. It looks like gravity's about to win the battle with you at any moment.

But somehow you stay up. It's very strange. We'll have to get a little video of you just strutting down a little runway walk for the people to understand what we're talking about. You have to sneak it from me. It's one of those things where it's hard to walk and talk when you're thinking about it. You are an idiot. You know what I mean. I don't mean it literally.

But if I'm thinking about how I walk, I'll walk. You'll change differently. Yeah, you'll walk differently. It won't be my natural walk. So it'll have to be something from the vlog from like behind, and you'll see how it goes. Yeah, buddy. I don't know. It's like an orangutan swinging his arms or something.

I'm picturing like Ursula. Yeah, they're like tentacles. Your arms are like tentacles. It's fucking weird, man. It is so weird. I think I have small dick energy is what I think I have. I think I know I don't have the best.

I think I have energy. But you keep bringing up dick. I don't think dick... No, it doesn't, but I'm saying that I have... Obviously doesn't matter. ...confidence. I'm confident

in exactly what I am and what I am not. I just think the big dick implies that you act like it. I don't think I act like it. I think I act like what I am not. I just think the big dick implies that you act like it. I don't think I act like it. I think I act like what I am. This is one of those things with beta where it gets really confusing. It all becomes circular.

It gets so circular. Where it's, I think that is big dick energy. Right, right, right. Where you're like, look, I know what I am, man. I just think you can interpret it in two different ways. Where it's like, I walk in the room like I'm the fucking baddest guy here. No, see, that's little dick energy. Right, right.

If you walk in, you put it with your hummer with a fucking boat horn attached to it. Then you're overcompensating. And you're not seeing your president. Yeah. That's little dick energy. I guess like Pete Davidson being very open about his mental health issues, being a little too open for my liking about how much he loves Ariana Grande. I guess that stuff is more the other direction.

I don't give a fuck. I know me and I'm good with me. I wonder what, I mean, who else would you put on the list of big dick energy? I was just thinking about that. I'll see what you put in there. Chris Hemsworth. But that's like cheating. It's like, of course, like Jon Hems. He literally has a big dick.

I don't know what Chris Hemsworth's dick looks like. No, but I'm saying those guys are – of course he has fucking energy. Chris Hemsworth's very open with his love. I mean, he's obviously a masculine-looking dude. He takes his daughter surfing and shit like that. Yeah, no, I mean, listen, I'm with you on that. The Hemsworths probably both are fucking walking around like confident guys. They said Anthony Bourdain

had big dick energy. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, he's like a man's man. This was the official description. Pete Davidson is 6'3", with dark circles, exudes big dick energy, loves evil,

but apparently is an angel, loves his girl publicly. The only thing wrong with him is that he's a Scorpio, but anyway, I'd marry him within a month too. So, you know,

they say this is the exact description of whether you know... People really don't care about breaking up with your girlfriend and marrying another girl in a month too so uh you know they say this is the exact description of whether you know people really don't care about breaking up with your girlfriend and marrying another girl in a month right poor cassie david is like wait i feel like that's something guys usually lambasted for yeah where it's like oh you're definitely cheating the whole time and you know right like that's why you're in love blah blah they seem to jump on this one quick this was the description how do you know if you have you or someone else's big dick energy? Well, there's a certain gait, sort of like you've got a massive dick swinging around, but also a twinkle in the eye.

Like, if you look at it right, that twinkle, you can just see a dick swinging in the eye. It's that thing that makes people bogglingly attractive to others, like Pete Davidson. I mean, I get what they're saying about Pete. I don't think Pete Davidson is bogglingly attractive. Nor do I. Like, I think he's actually a very niche. I get the concept. I think Pete Davidson is a

bizarre choice for it. The thing about Pete Davidson is before he was dating Ariana Grande, I don't think anybody, I mean, I know a few girls that were like, that's my type. They pick that guy. That's their celebrity crush. But that's just like, you know, that differs between girl to girl. It's just a few girls, not the overwhelming majority.

But when you start dating like an A-lister or like a very prominent pop star, you get elevated. That's what Pete Davidson has going on right now. Yes, definitely. So they did the Chris's. You're going to not like this. Chris Pratt, no. Chris Pine, yes, but it's fragile.

Chris Hemsworth, nah. No? Chris Evans, abso-freaking-lutely. Yeah, Evans for sure. I think all of them are for sure. You don't think Chris Pratt is walking around right now like a confident dude who's like, I mean, by all accounts, I don't know anyone who says a bad thing about Chris Pratt. He's like polite.

He's nice. He's gracious. He's funny. Now he's jacked. He can do this movie. He can do that movie. He can do nerd stuff. He can do tough guy stuff. He's always making Now he's jacked. He can do this movie. He can do that movie. He can do nerd stuff. He can do tough guy stuff.

He's always making jokes, though. Like, every little conversation, he has to – Something a little cutesy. He gets a little – and maybe that's, like, the opposite of that. It's not, like, exuding pure confidence. I'm going to run through names. You tell me what you think, and I'll let you know what the cut, the originator is going to say. By the way, just speaking of, what if we wrote, she's got a juicy clit in her mouth?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. the originators by the way just speaking of what if we wrote she's got juicy clit oh yeah oh yeah no I think I think oh you walk look at her eyes and she's got that just fucking

squirt clit look that shit's all puffy and swirly this is like the cut is like the big feminist website right

yeah well the feminist aspect of the New York Times or New York Times Magazine yeah yeah I think I would call it there was a tweet saying that the opposite is good pussy energy. Good pussy energy?

I don't know. Juicy clit's a bit much. Like, good pussy. I got that good good. It's funny that big dick goes both ways, but I would never say a dude has good pussy energy. Big dick can kind of play both ways. I totally understand Rihanna having big dick energy. You couldn't tell me a guy has good pussy and I'd be like, oh, I get it.

Yeah, that's true. He's got a good butt pussy on him. Justin Bieber. Butt pussy. No. They said he has it. Justin Timberlake. This is so stupid.

Justin Timberlake. No. Yeah, they said no. I think I would say Justin Timberlake. I don't know. I think I – I don't think I totally understand the concept. I was going to say I don't think I get it.

Like, if this all talks about, like, the energy you exude, and you're telling me that when Justin Timberlake's, like, dancing and – like, he loves Jessica Alba very publicly. He's one of the most, like, versatile talents of a generation, super popular. Like, what does not big dick about him? I think – here's how I'm going to start taking it. I think if you need a talent to have big dick energy, then you don't have it. I mean, they said Justin Bobby from the Hills has it.

Oh, definitely. Definitely Justin Bobby has it. Jon Hamm does not have it. No. You think that he relies literally too much on his big dick and his acting? No, I just think that I don't see Jon Hamm as... I've actually heard he's a very fragile guy. Does Ryan Gosling have it? Yes.

No, I said no. Okay, that's stupid. Shawn Mendes, does he have it? No. Yeah, I would actually agree with that. I think he's a little too timid. I mean, this is just so arbitrary. Backstreet Boys doesn't have it.

NSYNC does have it. O-Town has it. What? Oh, yeah, O-Town. No way. Liquid Dreams. Cause I want it all. Nothing at all.

What's the other one? The other one. I was listening to that this morning while I blow dried my hair. What's the... Only fights listen to fucking O-Town.

Well, it still has that playlist, dude. If you have Spotify and you're not banging the playlist, Lizzie McGuire starts at four every single day, all day. It is – it's a legendary playlist. Yo.

Legendary. More importantly, who do we meet today, John? Oh, yeah. You know who's got big dick energy like a motherfucker? Jesse McCartney. Jesse McCartney. Jesse McCartney was – He came up in this office and I went – gasped.

Johnny Damon was in here the other day. We've had celebrities in left and right. I'm always like, yeah, what's up? I'm not even getting out of my chair. Jesse McCartney, I was like, oh, shit, there goes Jesse McCartney. He was a beautiful soul. I was sitting at the bar, and I was singing, I don't want another pretty face. And I was singing kind of loudly, and I looked out of the corner of my eye, and I saw him.

What an existence we live that that can happen. I was singing my guilty pleasure, and oh, whoop, the creator's behind me. Granted, it was in my head because I knew he was coming in, but I was just singing it, and I saw him walk by me. I was like, oh, shit, Jesse McCartney's here.

And Coley was saying, yeah, I thought that's why you were doing that. Singing it. No, I didn't. No, I just loved the song. That's just a good song. Gun to your head, I'm leaving or Beautiful Soul? I'm leaving.

Easy. I don't know if it's easy. I'm with you, but it's not easy. Oh, dude. I went up to him and I said. That's that start on. Very different renditions we just gave. I gave the remix.

I mean, that song is just. I went up to him. It was my breakup song. Yeah, yeah, it's, I mean, that song is just. I went up to him. It was my breakup song. Yeah, yeah, that's, that's, that's the one. My freshman year, the summer between my freshman year of college, that was my breakup song, and it was fucking, I just rocked out. I told him my, uh, ex-girlfriend was in one of his music videos. Yeah, well, you kind of kept that from me, I think.

He was like, oh, yeah, yeah, I remember. I'm like, yeah, that's right. I was, I was dating a video girl. No big deal. You know what? He might have given a little bit too much of a remembrance. Yeah. He's like, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. She was. She was. Remember her. Remember her from my trailer. Yup. I actually, I think he said yeah three times.

And the third time I said, okay, Jesse, let's relax. That's enough. That's enough. We get it. I know what you mean. Well, you took a picture with him and he was like, yo, I tagged Barstool Sports, but what's your at? And John was like, it's a – well, you can just put it's a at, F-V-I. It's like, dude, just say your last name.

He's asking you what your last name is basically. Just say your name. Yeah, but I know you can't say Fidelberg. Yeah, you go Fidelberg, F-V-I-Z. I stuttered a little bit. I stuttered. I don't get starstruck a lot. You're both stammered.

You're both starstruck. We got to say what happened after that when he posted the picture on his Instagram. The chicks in the office said that we look like we're brothers. That's correct. Brothers. They had the same face, the same smile, he said. And then- And he said, I want to work here on his Instagram.

Yeah. And the compliment was quickly rendered rather moot as soon as Fran went, yeah, save, you got big teeth. Because my titties is popping in the picture. I was like, ah, that's a Freudian slip that really takes us all away. Oh, man. That's fucking Apollo 13 crashing back to Earth. When the better version was that you have big teeth.

Like, that was the good, like, oh, whoops, I didn't mean that, but I did mean the big teeth thing. I think she was trying to say big smile, but then the tits caught her eye. She tried to go with teeth. It was a real disaster in Fran's head for a minute there. Yo, you know what? You got big titty energy, bro. You walk in there with those titties popping. Sup? You walk in there with those titties popping. So from Big Dick Energy to this poll of – pull up the poll, John.

It was like what women want to hear in bed – What two words do women want to hear in bed? It's brought to you by State and Liberty. You want to get girls in bed. You want to take beautiful chicks out. You want to make them happy. You want to be a big dick energy guy. You got to wear State and Liberty. That's the way to do it. The average dude who's in good shape, who wants clothes that fit him well, hang well on him, stylish stuff that just completes the look with the way it hangs on your body. That's what State and Liberty does.

The dress shirts with a true athletic fit that have all the fabric. That's amazing. Tons of professional athletes. Again, all these big dick energy guys are the type of dudes who rock State and Liberty. You could be sitting in the office. You could be out and about, like I said, on a date, out to the bar, hanging out with your friends. No matter what, for style, for fit, for comfort, State and Liberty is where you got to go.

Founded by two Michigan hockey guys. So, John, this is a hockey guy community type thing. It's a classic hockey jacket. You shouldn't be drinking that thing. Yep, yep. So get on board with State and Liberty. The dress shirts are $90. You don't need to dry clean them so they pay for themselves in like a heartbeat.

You know, have you ever think about that? The shirt, dry clean your shirts. It's like, technically, this shirt costs $1,000. That's what I all the time to put it through the dry cleaning. You don't have to with the State and Liberty fabric, so it's a good investment on top of looking good. I never thought about that. Big time, dude. StateandLiberty.com.

That's StateandLiberty.com. Type in code KFC to receive 15% off your first order. So the poll. The two words every girl wants to hear in bed. Now this was kind of compiled, I'm sure. It's a Reddit thing. It's not a scientific study. Science says.

Was it like they were given choices or this is just like the most common answer? It was the most common answer with the most likes. Okay. The most upv with the most likes. Okay. Most upvotes on Reddit. Got it, got it. So it's common knowledge that dirty talk can make your sexual experiences even better. The majority of men and women

find kinky conversations to turn on, but sadly, thinking of the right words to say can sometimes be difficult when you're getting down and dirty. If you regularly get tongue-tied in the bedroom, you'll be pleased to know that there are some simple phrases you can say to turn your partner on.

A recent Reddit thread revealed two words that women enjoy hearing. The two words that women enjoy hearing. This is a pretty creepy answer, by the way, folks. Brace yourself. In a post that has been liked more than 1,000 times, women have admitted the words of encouragement they love in the bedroom are good girl. Good girl. Good girl. Good girl. Dude, I'm all about it. I have dropped the good girl good girl. Good girl. Good girl. Good girl.

Dude, I'm all about it. I have dropped the good girl timer to like thousands. I have absolutely never even considered saying good girl. Because here's the deal. I say good girl. Are you barking out orders?

No. See, that's the thing. You bark out orders and she does it, you say good girl. It's like a fucking... If I say good girl, it would be... I was about to say something like horror. It's like a dog.

Yeah. It would turn... That's exactly what I was going to say. It would turn into mutual heterosexual sex into bestiality in two seconds because I don't say good girl except in my Maddie voice. Like, good girl. Oh, she's a good girl. Oh, she's a good girl. because I don't say good girl except in my Maddie voice. Like, good girl. Oh, she's a good girl. Oh, she's a good girl.

Oh, she's a good girl. I start, like, pat her on the head. Give me the chin. Give me the tickle. Oh, she's a good girl. Give me that pussy. Give me that pussy.

She's a good girl. Like, if you say that, if you find that entertaining, you're a fucking lunatic. Nah, nah, nah, nah. Listen, do not fucking dirty talk shame here. I will dirty talk shame.

Do not slut shame anybody here. If you're, you know, if it's a little bit of a, you know of a one person is taking the lead sort of thing, the guy is barking out orders and the girl is doing it, you give her some words of encouragement. Good girl. See, I don't bark out orders. I know.

You're a big fat pussy at best. Just do it. Just do it. Yeah, but that's a whole different side of big dick energy. It's like you just take over and do it. But also it's like I'm going to tell you exactly what I want. And when you do it you let them know. I get scared to talk

because I'm like what if they don't like it? Well that's what listen now you know. Now Reddit tells you this is what girls like. I am not ever saying good girl.

Listen I have heard about some of the sex you have. You drop good girl that no one's going to fucking have. I do not drop good girl. I'm saying you could. Oh could.

Yes. I'm saying you do. Like if you during the situations That I've heard If you drop good girl They'll be like Yeah awesome great

They'll probably rile them up You even turn into a dog Just doing that Yeah great I don't want to fuck a dog Kevin I don't want to turn into a dog I don't know I'm a dog person bro

I enjoy I'm a dog person too I don't like to eat them Or fuck them I just like to play with them I mean you're I'm playing with them The The I just think I don't know I just don't like to eat them or fuck them. I just like to play with them. I mean, I'm playing with them. The, uh, the, I just think, I don't know.

I just don't, like, I'm stammering even talking about it. Listen, he's turning all red. He's all embarrassed. Different strokes for different folks. I will drop a double G. You don't have to. Double G. Oh, good girl.

We've talked about this a lot, just dirty talk in general. It's not your scene. And my aversion to it. I – Hey, it's good. Self-awareness. You know who you are and who you're not. I think I would just feel – I look like such a dummy.

I know. You can role play as Russell Brand, but you can't just be yourself dropping some fucking – Correct. Dirty lines. Russell Brand might drop dirty lines. He definitely does. Give me that sweet pussy, mate. Come here, Kristen Bell. Give me that sweet pussy, mate. Come here, Kristen Bell.

Give me that pussy. That's it for that segment. You can only go down from there. Voicemails are brought to you by... Mate. I said give me that sweet pussy, mate. I didn't even think of that. I didn't even think of that.

I caught it right away. That's why I went to the Kristen Bell one. Clarifying. I'm talking about a girl here. Not a't even think of that. I caught it right away. That's why I went to the Christmas bell one. Clarifying. I'm talking about a girl here. Not a mate. Not a dude. Give me a mate. Give me a pup pussy.

Give me a lass. Give me a lass. Give me a mate. Oh, my God. Give me that pup pussy. BetDSI brings you today's voicemails. They've been in business for over 20 years, about as long as we've been doing goddamn voicemails on this fucking show. Bet DSI is one of the highest rated, one of the most trustworthy, one of the most reliable, and one of the most innovative.

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Voicemails, let's go. We had a lot of people asking for number three, no cell phone, or number six, nine lives. What are you feeling? Both are kind of abstract. Let's go with no cell phone. Year 2018, it's hard to imagine life without a cell phone. What's up, KFC Radio boys?

I'm going to break it down for you real quick. I matched with this chick on Tinder and eventually gave her my phone number, as one does. Her response to that was that she doesn't have a cell phone, which shook me to my absolute core. She said she uses, like, an iPod Touch for apps, like Tinder and Facebook and all that. And no, I didn't get catfished because i did go meet her for dinner because of course but anyway my question is how weird is it to not have a cell phone in your mid-20s and is there anything else like that that would be any weirder don't get me wrong it's wildly weird but when you think about it you could survive like you can just like text through dms you can

talk on like snapchat you don't i mean a lot of people don't make phone calls anymore. Yeah. And you have all your internet and apps. You can survive, but that's not what she's doing. No. She just has a boyfriend. I was going to say she's cheating. Yeah.

Yeah. No doubt. No, you could certainly survive. This is a step beyond when people say, oh, I don't have any social media. And it's like, yes, they do. And it's just littered with pictures of them and their significant other, and they're hiding it from you. This is just a step further than that. I don't further than that, and I don't have a cell phone. I don't have a cell phone.

I mean, like, this is like cord cutting to, like, the Macs. Like, maybe one day, you really, maybe it'll just be apps, and you won't need a number and all that shit. But you still need LTE. I guess new iPads have LTE, right? Yeah, no, you can have data and all that shit. Like, I bet you one day that happens. It's just like, my phone number will be at KFC Barstool, you know, and just everything. You could, like, dial through, like, Skype, and you can talk through text on DM or Snapchat, whatever.

We ain't there yet, though. I think we're about as close as possible. Right, but the social, like, stigma of, like, you know, it used to be, like, I don't have cable. You'd be like, what? And now it's like, yeah, all right, I get it. It's weird, but I get it. Not having a cell phone is enough to be like, I don't have cable. You'd be like, what? And now it's like, yeah, all right. I get it. It's weird, but I get it. Not having a cell phone is enough to be like, well, you're cheating. Yeah.

You can't. You have to. I guess it's still the same way with no cable, I think, where you still have to explain yourself. Yes. Exactly. Where you say, I don't have cable. But if I said, yeah, if you said, if I said, I don't have a phone, you'd say, what? What?

Because we'll have an iPad. How do you live? And then you kind of explain it. It's like, oh, yeah. I actually don't talk a lot either. Right. That makes sense.

And in a weird way, it's very nice because it's like, there's enough of a barrier for text. Like, I have to like tweet you on,

I have to DM you on Twitter or something like that, where it's like, I'm just not going to talk to that person. And then it's like, actually,

you don't spend your whole night texting. You don't get into text fights. You don't get into all that shit. You do have a lot of friends who you,

I guess all of your friends are on some form of social media. Well, that's why I bet like an 18-year-old can do this right now. If you're mid-20s, you've got friends who have normal jobs who are like, I'm not on fucking Twitter. I'm not on Snapchat. I'm not on – They're probably on Facebook though. Yeah.

Or IG. There's definitely ways to contact them. Yeah. But it's like if you need to get to your friend and you just be like, I hope they check their IG DMs. They might not. Right, right, right. Whereas you know you're going to get a text. Yeah, I be like, I hope they check their IG DMs. They might not. Whereas you know you're going to get a text. It'll happen one day, but we ain't there yet. And so the only reason to tell someone you flat out don't have a phone is that she's got a boyfriend.

Or she's crazy poor. Or she's crazy poor or just like flat out crazy. Either way, these are three scenarios where she's like a weird hipster. I don't need to be in contact with the world. Ah, that's – Peace. Dude, that's so annoying. People like that, it's a difference between being individualistic and kind of liking your own thing.

And then it's accepting the way the world is. Yes. I have an aunt who's like that. She's actually recently changed. She recently got a phone because she had to for work. But it was always so frustrating. Look, I need to talk to you and you're not home. Call my landline. This is the way the world works. You've been out for work. But it was always so frustrating. Look, I need to talk to you and you're not home. Call my landline.

This is the way the world works. You've been out for hours. I have to talk to you. And I remember there was one time her and my this is wild. Her and my mom and their other sister one of their other sisters were driving down to New York for a play. They're big. It's in my blood.

Musicals. And they were driving down to a play and They live there big. Yeah, that's where I get to my blood. Musicals. And they were driving down to a play and my aunt, the one who cares about shit, fell asleep in the back seat. So it's my mom

in the front seat who cares less than I do about anything. And then her sister in shotgun, who's theoretically the co-pilot, but she doesn't have a phone, so there's no

GPS open. My mom drove to Maryland. She just kept going? She just kept going. This is on Dwight and Michael's ship. GPS, they just kept going. She didn't have a GPS. Right.

The one in the back who actually follows directions and checks things like that fell asleep. No, that's Dumb and Dumber. They just went the wrong way. They just kept on going. She's like, oh, yeah, shit, we're in Maryland. That's very much further. That's not like, oh, shit. Maybe we're in Maryland. Very much further. That's not like, oh, shit, we... Maybe it wasn't Maryland. Maybe it was Delaware first? Which was first?

Delaware, I think. But you're still gone. One time we were driving to Long Beach Island and we just stayed on the Garden State and all of a sudden we started seeing signs for Atlantic City. But that's still like, it's bad, but we're in Jersey. You're in a whole other state. You gotta drive over bridges and shit. At no point were you like –

My mom's been to New York a billion times. You can't miss it. It's a pretty fucking big one. It's impossible to miss. It's a pretty fucking big one. I got so mad when they told me that story and they were all laughing. I was thinking, how is this funny? Yeah, no.

It's just you guys are incompetent. You refuse to use directions and technology. Mom, you just refuse to say anything ever. I can't rely on you for anything ever. She would have driven to Florida. Had my eye on the backseat not woken up and gone, why the fuck does that sign say Delaware? My mom would have driven to Florida.

Miami, she would have driven to Cuba. Right into the fucking water. There you go. Guess we're here, guys. Gotta have a phone. You have to. Nowadays, you have to. I have a friend who's a teacher.

Teacher's like middle school, maybe high school. And there's a rack on the door. And it has every student's name. And they have to put their phone in there. What do you think of a bar like that? You can't have your phone in a bar. Could you go and you have to, just for a certain time. But everybody here.

That's not a bad idea. I think the difference is everybody wouldn't have it. Because if you don't have it and everybody else can pull out their phone then they panic you'd be like wait a minute

everybody else but if you know nobody else has their phone and like people have to interact I mean it's literally like what if it was 20 years ago

I think if everybody did it and it was like alone together where it's like alright now we all have a thing to talk about like how much does this

suck not having a phone yes exactly that but it would have to be like a happy like from 6 to 7 7 to 8 whatever we all put our phones all have a thing to talk about. How much does this suck not having a phone? Yes, exactly that. But it would have to be from 6 to 7, 7 to 8, whatever. We all put our phones on. Dude, I'd be like one of those soldiers or whatever in a movie when they say, give up your guns, and they have an extra one on their ankle. Pull out your spare cell phone. Got my burner here.

I'd be in the bathroom just like, oh, I'm just doing drugs in the bathroom. Nah, dude, I'm checking Twitter. Yes, same thing. I'm tweeting about what we're doing right oh, I'm just doing drugs in the bathroom. Nah, dude, I'm checking Twitter. Yes, same thing. I'm tweeting about what we're doing right now, and you're not. None of you can tweet about this, only I can tweet about it. When you feel those phantom buzzes in your pocket, everyone would just be grabbing at their pockets the whole time. I feel those all the time. All the time.

That's when you know it's a problem. When you have a leg amputated and you feel the pain in your foot still. Phantom pain? Yeah, yeah. I 100% get that. We're addicted. It's not good. I think there's hotels where you can. Phantom pain. Yeah, yeah. I 100% get that. We're addicted. It's not good. I think there's hotels where you can lock it away.

Lockbox. But I'm like, who actually does that? The spouse does that. The spouse locks your phone away. So you have to play with the kids. That's not something you actually do with your phone. Just put it in a little cubby. Where do they have the hotels?

I've heard that there's hotels that- Isn't that just the same room? No, but they'll take it from you. It's supposed to be so that you can't get to it. But again, like who's going to do that to themselves? Right. Like, oh, I can't get to my own phone? It's like an addict being like, yeah, take my drugs.

You're white. You're white once, I'll take your phone from you. I kind of did it to myself a few times. Force yourself? Yeah. And, Greg, what I was doing – because when I was in Portugal, it was, you know, I don't have – I was in Portugal for 10 minutes, I think, and I got an email saying $100 already. Oh, wow.

I was still at baggage claim. Yikes. So I turned my cellular data off so that I could only use it on Wi-Fi. Right. But there were a couple of times where I just went and put my phone in my room. Forced yourself to do it. I didn't bring my phone out. I mean, because when I'm out, I can't really use it anyway, although my brothers and sisters would immediately sit down in the restaurant.

Do you have Wi-Fi? Mm-hmm. But I didn't bring it out sometimes. So I was intentionally doing that. I knew if I brought it out, I could get the Wi-Fi and stuff like that. Get your fix. But there were times where I just said, yeah, fuck it. Good for you, Joe.

My mom pulled the classic, what she said, almost in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, when Paul Rudd's character says, yay, man, I stopped wearing a watch, so I moved out here. And Jason Segel, that's so cool, man. Yeah, you know, it's on my cell phone. We landed, and we were all asking each other about phones and things like that. And my mom said, I didn't bring my phone. I didn't bring my iPad.

I didn't bring my laptop. And I said, wow, that's really cool. I wish I could just totally disconnect like that. She goes, yeah, I'll just use yours. It was exactly that quote from Fiery Sire Marshall. Nine lives? Hey, KFC, Fights, BC, I have a question for you. If you had nine lives and you could waste them however you want,

would you waste a couple and how would you do it? Yeah, well, definitely I would waste a few. I'd waste eight of them. At least nine immediately. Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow. I'd go jump into a tornado. I've always wanted to do that. See the inside of a tornado.

I would go try to surf the biggest wave. You know, those guys who surf with those 50-foot waves. Scary. I'd probably jump off a building. My first one was swan dive off. It's like skydiving, but even crazier. This is kind of like being Deadpool or some shit, where It's like skydiving but like even crazier. This is like kind of like being like Deadpool

or some shit where it's just like you can't do whatever you want. I would do it in a flight suit but then just cannonball the last second. So everyone's thinking

the whole way. No one's panicking. He's fine. He's in a suit. Bow. Just fuck. I would probably try to I'd go like try to like assassinate a bad guy.

You're really good at this. Yeah, I would just give it a shot. Just run up on Kim Jong-un or something like that. And if I don't get it done, I'm dead. Whatever, I'll come back. I was talking with Logan about this question. I was like, why would you waste any of them? You just have a bunch of them.

But I bet the guys will try to kill themselves in several different ways. I mean, you get to be a hero if you succeed. The one thing, well, I didn't think about trying to kill the bad guy, but I would be willing to fight. I'd be like,

I stepped in the ring with McGregor. Yeah, right? Like, oh, he probably got my ass kicked. Yeah, no, but no. At least I won't die. No, that's, no.

Because he wouldn't kill me. He'd made me, and that's worse than that. Oh, true, true. Then you'd kill yourself because you got more to spare. Yeah. It's like, oh, this really hurts.

In the ring. Just for the spectacle of it. And I'd just show up the next day. I wouldn't fight McGregor. I'd fight a gorilla. Yeah. Oh, man. Oh, my God.

You know, like, the internet, like, fame you'd get? Be like, bajillion pay reviews, me versus a bear. You'd just jump into a gazoo in a boxing outfit. And just run up on a gorilla. And you'd get a gazoo in a boxing outfit. And just run up on a gorilla. You get like a couple shots in, and they'll be like, I mean, he's fucking dead, but did you see he landed like a good one-two punch on that bear before he died? And then, pal, you're back the next day?

That would be so awesome. And then you could say, well, actually, I don't know. I guess people wouldn't believe you because you're back. Do you keep your eye? Do you keep your conscious? Do people know that you're back? Or is it just like the world starts over? Is it like Groundhog Day?

Or yeah, you just like reach. Like a video game, you kind of appear in the same spot or something? I'm going to believe it as respawning. But let's say like if you go in the ring with a bear, you get to like respawn outside the ring. Because you just keep dying. Yeah, no doubt. Lose all nine. You don't respawn in midair in Empire State Building.

Right. It's just back to like your last time you were safe and alive. Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of cool shit you can do. There's so much cool shit you can do. I think I'd cut my wrist just to see what I could do. What a chick. What a chick.

I'd do it this way because I just watched Drive on the plane last night, and it looked so wild. I just want to see it. You're sick. That's a sick thing to say. That's a sick thing to say. You're a sick pup. It was. It was really cool. That's really cool to slit see it. You're sick. That's a sick thing to say. That's a sick thing to say. You're a sick pup. It was.

It was really cool. That's really cool to slit your wrist. You're sick fucking. It looked cool in the movie. Sick fuck. I wanted to see if it looks cool in real life too. Sick fuck. It was like, the guy does it so cool.

As he goes all the way down. I wouldn't do that. That's a lie. I'd get so scared. Yeah, you would definitely pussy out. We'd probably pussy out of all these things. As long, if you could promise me I didn't feel it. If I become numb before I do it, like before I jump a thing,

like I don't want to catch a shot and I'm surviving from the gorilla and he's walking over me and I'm like, ah, shit. Why did I do this? I immediately regret this decision. Fuck, I'm trying to think of it. I think the surf in the big wave is wild. I mean, if I had like the slightest shred of surfing ability,, I wouldn't even – I would just get hit by a wave. Some people do that normally.

Normally, yeah. But those people are risking their life absolutely every single time. I think I'd ride a rocket or something like that. I'd do an Evel Knievel thing. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one. Oh, I think I would just fly a plane into space. Just pull that shit straight up and just go right into space.

I would bet one of my relatives that I can hold my breath longer than them. I just wouldn't come up. Dude, yeah, do some David Blaine shit. Be like, I'm going to do a magic special. We're going to go to the middle of Times Square, and I'm just going to stab myself in the face. And everybody tunes in. They're like, what's the trick here?

He's like, no trick. He's just fucking dead. He just put a fucking knife through his brain. He's dead. I got a magic trick. It's called suicide. And I'm going to make all my pain stop real quick. Everybody say the magic word and all Times Square is like, abracadabra.

And I stab myself in the temple. Dead. Everyone gasps and runs away. Final countdown playing. It's the final countdown. Suicide's always funny. What's up next? What's up, KFC Fight Super Producer BC?

I wanted your opinion on something. So I've been talking to this girl for a couple of weeks and we went out for drinks the other night and uh finally hooked up for the first time so i'm driving her home the next day she uh still lives at home with her parents which is kind of weird but but anyway so i'm driving her home the next day and i pulled into her driveway her entire family is outside the next morning. So she's just like talking like her dad, her mom, her brother. And they're all just looking at us in the car.

Obviously, they kind of put tunes together of what's going on. And I like kind of she gets out of the car and I just peeled out of the driveway. That's the most awkward situation ever. We still talk, but I just want to see if am i in the right here like should i have like gotten out of my car and shaken her dad's hand after i clearly had just had sex there like like last night um let me know your thoughts can you recap this because i just got i had to respond to a tweet that i got in the middle of this about our uh best man speech this today and someone quotes me and this about our best man speech today.

And someone quoted and said, if your best man speech doesn't rhyme to Fresh Prince, it doesn't count. Which is clearly what that guy did. And I had to say, absolutely do not do this. That's a horrible idea. That's the worst idea I've ever heard in my entire life. Imagine that. He would be like, in Holwelcome, New Jersey, these two men. Oh, my God.

No way. If you did that, if my best man started, like, you'd see me come across that table, WWE style, with a chair. Boom! I would do the cartoon. I'd hook him around his neck with a cane and pull him off. If I was in the crowd, I'd be like, boom! No! No!

No! Don't boo, just say no. No! Bad boy! On Friday, we have the KC Radio Quickie. We'll be about how to give a best man speech. No, it's today. Oh, no, we ran that.

Oh, it's out? Oh, okay. Oh, it's already out. Oh, okay. That's why some of the respondents will be tweeting that out. Oh, I got it. Yeah, okay. Well, why they responded to me tweeting that out. Oh, I got it. Yeah, okay. Well, go listen to that retroactively.

This guy goes out on a date with this girl. They go home together. Time to bring her home in the morning. He pulls up to her house. Her entire family is on the front lawn hanging out, talking. She gets out of the car, and he just peels out and drives away. He's like, did I do the right thing? Should I have gotten out and talked with the family?

Like, how do you handle this? I think you just keep driving. You pull up to the house, you see the whole family out there. I think you drive by and you say, well, I'm dropping you off like a block away. Or like, I'll do a couple loops before your fucking whole family's gone. We just had sex. You're doing the drive of shame. That's obviously the move.

You're 100% in the right there. But I guess it all depends on how the date went. No, drive of shame. That's obviously the move. You're 100% in the right there. But I guess it all depends on how the date went. No, none of it. I mean, I'm assuming it went well enough. Like, you're driving her home. You're going to walk up to the dad and be like, nice to meet you, sir. If you want to go out again. Yeah, I mean, I guess if you really like the girl, sure.

Now's the time to be like, hey, Mr. Smith. It's not even about meeting him now. It's about not giving him the image of you peeling away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Or even her, too. Like, she may be like, dude, what the fuck was that? It's like that awkward moment.

Like, there are certain times where you got to just, you know, do the right thing. You know what I mean? Zach didn't do. I mean, not going to the funeral is just inexplicable. They almost should have made that a little more personal. Like, anybody can just go to a funeral and you stand in the back and you just let your presence be known it's almost like that was too easy of a thing

for Efron to do they should have made it like he had to go to the hospital or go with them somewhere or donate a organ or something going to a funeral is like dude come on but yeah I also understand

not wanting to. Let's say there's a middle ground where it's like, I like this girl, but I don't want to give her any vibes that I'm like, hey, I'm going to shake your dad's hand, hug and kiss your mom, and now all of a sudden we're like a very big item. I never think that's weird.

Meeting the parents? No. I think I'm personable enough. I met my wife's parents very fast. It was just like, hey, they're going out to dinner. Do you want to go? Yeah, that's how I do it. It wasn't like a thing. Hey, you want to come to dinner?

Yeah, it's like they happen to be here. That's what it was. My last girlfriend, I think I met her dad like first week probably. If it presents itself. Yeah, it was just like, hey, my dad's across at dinner at lunch. But that's also like you were dating

not like we just fucked last night because we went on a date. Yeah, but we were dating for like three days. You know? But I think that I don't think it's weird anymore.

I don't think meeting the parents is weird. Yeah. It's a little bit of an archaic thing. Yeah, I think meeting the parents used to be

that was the person you were married. Yeah, it used to be like truly allowing you to like asking for your hand sort of thing like or you know

way back it's like how many cows am I going to trade you for this woman nowadays it's just this is a girl I'm hanging out with it's a person that

is in my life and yeah you know you don't expect me to be the last boy you ever meet right right right right

you'll meet other guys you've met guys before me it's and it's probably More awkward for you Than it is for the parents So it's like As long as you're okay

They're probably Whatever I have absolutely No problem meeting parents That wouldn't be A weird thing for me This I'd be uncomfortable

But if a girl Said hey Come to dinner with my dad Okay Whatever It's that big dick energy You got Hey what's up Kfc fights super duper producer

bc super duper first time caller semi long time semi recent listener um love you guys so very much in the short time i've been listening to you though especially the beta male movement which brings my point of calling. I would love to hear what you guys deem the characteristics of an alpha female versus a beta female. Ooh, that's weird. So is a super feminist female the alpha? Is an independent, self-aware party girl a beta? Or is she an alpha because she goes against the grain of what a female really should be in a relationship?

Questions like that. So I would love to hear you guys break these characteristics down. Thanks. Viva. A girl who has a good sense of humor can kind of like hang with the girls or hang with the guys, but does not like go over the top. Like, I'm going to be raunchy or I'm going to like sports or I'm going to like talk about sex in front of them so that they like me sort of vibe. Yeah. So it's like you can you can probably hang around like aggressive jokes and like bad, like like like vulgar talk and shit you're not gonna you're not gonna shy away it's not gonna offend you you're not gonna be like no you can't

say that but you're also not gonna like if you like that shit you jump in fine but if you jump in for the sake of like i want to be liked or i think the boys are gonna like this i'm gonna like sports because the guys will like me sort of thing it's a fun it's like a you gotta find the in between of like you're not a feminist who's like fun, it's like a, you got to find the in between of like, you're not a feminist who's like jamming it down my throat. You're a feminist who's just like confident as a girl. You know what? And you're not a girl, a girl, a guy's girl on purpose.

I thought this was going to be a tough question. I think every girl who works here, that's a beta female. Again, in a good way. In a good way, yeah. I think every girl who works here. That's a beta female. Again, in a good way. In a good way, yeah. I think every girl who works here. Then, of course, they are. That makes them alpha, the whole circular thing, where it's like they're confident enough to go into the fucking lion's den of this place.

Yeah, but they dress pretty. They like to look nice. But it's not attention-seeking. It's not. And they're very confident in their opinions and they stand up for themselves, but they don't do it in like an annoying, nagging way. Yeah. I think every girl who works here is definitely – again, if we're looking for beta as a compliment, I think every girl who works here is – Yeah, you're a little bit feminine but like sports and like stuff that guys like.

Like normal humans. You know what? I think it's just human. I think it's the same thing as a beta male. Right. It is. It is. think it's just human. I think it's the same thing as a beta male. Right. It is. It is. We are becoming just one.

You worry about your looks, but not to an extent that it like cripples you or anything like that. You don't start crying if we post a bad picture. Right. You like what you like. So if you like sports, you like sports. If you like reality TV and girly shit, you like that. You're unapologetic about it.

And you don't really jam it down anybody else's throat. And they obviously respect themselves and all that shit. They don't deal with misogyny and stuff like that but they and they they they don't in this workplace obviously but they're willing to stick up for themselves and and they're they're funny it's it's it's very much i think it's very much the same thing beta male and female i i think that like the alpha male version of like i'm tough and macho for a girl is like i'm fucking hot yeah right exactly so it's like if you if you talk about it you're not you're not it 100 the that's where we're really like that's why they say like like you see movies in the future it's like everyone's just one

fucking yeah i'll wear the same clothes and like yeah eventually sex is just gonna be like a demolition man when they wear that thing on their head. This is the future Beta Boys want. Yeah. Just fucking... Pangea. One fucking... I was going to say Xenon. Got that silver suit V down the middle. Yes, yes. Weird.

I'm going to kill myself before that happens. What's up, KFC? Fight Super Producer BC. First time, long time. Got a quick question for you guys. Would you rather be the only kid in your neighborhood growing up that doesn't know how to swim or doesn't know how to ride a bike? Thanks. Viva. I think this is just sheer, like, what's going to happen more. I think you're going to ride

your bike more often. I think, and I also, I think the... And you can do other shit, like, around the pool. Like, if you can't, if you're not riding your bike, like, the guys are going to get up and go and they're gone. And you're gone. If you're at the pool and you don't want to swim, it's like, oh, I'm going to have a catch over here with the ball or I'll be grilling or I'll be whatever. I don't have many childhood memories of swimming. Oh, I definitely do.

So this would be tough for me. I always had a pool of some sort, whether it was above ground, white trash, or like a nice in-ground one, or like a pool club or whatever. I have a lot of that. And, yes, of course I shamed the people that couldn't swim. Yeah, but I have memories of doing it, but no memories, if that makes sense, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember doing it, but nothing where I think, that was the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I have a lot of camaraderie built with my friends. Around riding your bike. Around biking. A little bike gang. I mean, we always say, like, when you're a little- Ditch him! Kick him like everyone takes off running. I love ditching Bob.

I mean, I remember specifically, like, I'm going to try to ride my bike down that set of steps. Crashed like a motherfucker. Jumping off of things. I had my bike stolen a couple times from the hood rats. I mean, there's like a lot of – and whenever we talk about being young, we're like, yeah, man, you're just playing Little League and riding your bikes and learning how to jerk off. It's like that's what made you a teenage boy.

You never really throw swimming in the pool in there. I did it a lot, but it's not like the stereotypical thing that you do. So I got to go with it's worse to not know how to ride a bike. Yeah, you get ditched all the time. You don't have a bike. I used to sometimes just kind of switch things up. how to ride a bike. Yeah. You get ditched all the time. You don't have a bike. Right. I used to sometimes just kind of switch things up. I'd try and just rollerblade.

Impossible. No, I mean, you can't keep up. Impossible to keep up. You'd have to be like the greatest rollerblader alive. I'll meet you guys there. Yeah. I'll meet you guys there. I'm going to hop in an Uber halfway through. I'm done.

Just the idea of just like, biking is Americana. Yeah. A bunch of punk kids riding around on their bike. Yeah. You can be an American who can't swim. You can't be an American who can't ride a bike. No. No way.

No way. You need to be able to ride that bike. Last Voice of the Middle of the Day is brought to you by the Barstool Sports Store. Except you have to stop at some point. Riding your bike, yeah. Otherwise, you become a sexual deviant. Like, you become a pedophile. That fucking video that a million people tweeted at me that I was going to do.

Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, the C word. I see what you mean. I thought you meant it was creepy if you ride your bike around town like you do when you're a little kid if you're an older man. No, no, no. No, yeah, if you become a – I'm not going to say the word. A bicycle aficionado. I honestly have that video tweeted at me 500 times. I was going to say 1,000. Yeah, 100 times. I have say the word. A bicycle aficionado. That video where they're pushing that dude.

I was going to say that's a thousand. I have seen the video. That video, these people driving up alongside a dude on his bike on the side of the road and just pushing him into the bushes, into the fucking forest. Do we think that was real? I feel like that's a very big crime. I guess how would you know who did it to you, though? Someone just crept up on you?

But so many cyclists wear GoPros and stuff. Yeah. GoPro on the back. Behind you? Yeah. Cyclists are big on the GoPro. I think that- I also want to be clear.

I don't actually want- We're just making jokes on the internet. I don't actually want cyclists to die and stuff like that. I'm not looking to start a genocide against cyclists. They annoy me. I don't want them cyclists to die. I'm not looking to start a genocide against cyclists. They annoy me. I don't want them to die. I'd like to shame them. I don't want them to physically. I don't want physical harm on them. Right now you can get 15% off

everything at the Barstool Sports Store when you use the promo code KFCRADIO. The whole premium line, 15% off. All the 4th of July stuff, 15% off. All the summer gear, the pool floats, all my Mets gear, all the Bruins gear, Scary Terry Moore, all of it. Go to barstoolsports.com, promo code KFCRADIO for 15% off. What's up, boys?

KFC, Fights, Super Producer BC. So I just want to get you guys' take on something. So I'm coming back from the gym. I need something to eat for dinner. I'm fucking starving. I go up to this place. I see there's no one there. I look something to eat for dinner. I'm fucking starving. I go up to this place. I see, like, there's no one there. I look in the window.

So they're obviously closing soon. I look down. It's 855. This place closes at 9. And it's, like, this, like, chain deli place in the Midwest because we don't have, like, real delis. So I'm like, all right, fuck it. I'll go in. And I've worked restaurant jobs, so I know that fucking sucks.

But I go in. I order, like, the easiest thing on the menu. Takes, like, three or four minutes. I'm like, I'm not feeling too bad about myself so I'm like I get my car I'm driving away and I'm like turning right before I even get out of the parking lot my fucking drink slides off my roof and it's just gone and like I fucking deserve that so I just want to get you guys take what you think is this an asshole movie letter you talked about similar shit about the resorters all right viva He wants a new drink or something? I mean, I guess it was just doing it.

Going to a store right before it closes. Do you feel like an asshole? Oh, got it. Yeah. I guess it kind of depends on what it is. If they're really closing up shop. Yeah. Like if you...

It sounds like he's at a gas station. Yeah, like a 7-Eleven, a deli sort of place. I'm okay with that. I feel like if you walk in and someone's got to cook for you. Yeah, right. That chef is done for the day. Although when I worked at GNC in college, I would lock the door. Yeah, 15 minutes. Yeah, half hour. It's like, no, no, no, no, we're closed. I would lock the door. Yeah, 15 minutes.

You have an hour. It's like, no, no, no, no. We're closed. No, you're not. Yes, we are. I'd throw up the in the bathroom sign. Just go fucking sit in the back for half an hour. No, that's fair game.

It's like in class, right? When you're about to – class is almost over. You got a minute, so you start packing up. When you're in class and work for seven hours, that minute of packing up is now a half hour. Yes. So you extrapolate here. I mean, listen, you don't want someone coming into your place of work five minutes before it closes. Lock the door 15 minutes before.

Yeah. It's fucking simple. If you didn't lock the door, I'm coming in. If you don't want people coming in at 8.55, close up at 8.25. That's the way to avoid this. Don't ever open. I've done that before I did that

like go in it was your shift and you just never opened the place I mean I went in 10am hungover as shit locked the door

went to sleep in the back 10am on a Saturday I mean I don't think you got away with that like the register's not ringing any money or anything

for the hours they should be it was always a very slow store got it I worked here anyway so fuck it three separate stores and this one in particular was always really, really slow. No one ever came. And I just said, you know, don't come in today.

Dude, listen, we'll end on that note. There's a mail-time mantra for you. You don't want to work late, close early. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Thank you.