KFC Radio - KFCradio: Offended The Musical, Rone, Francis, and the Barstool Threesome

Episode Date: August 9, 2018

The cast of Offended: The Musical comes through to share a clip of their new song Rone v Wade, and answer your voicemails, including:What guy from the office would you pick to have a threesome with, is it weird to have sex boundaries, is it weird to make a guy obtain letters or recommendation before dating them, golfing with the boss and a song about Frankie's butt cheeks.Episode presented by:Dollar Shave Club dollarshaveclub.com/kfcAway Travel awaytravel.com/kfctravelBlue Apron blueapron.com/kfcZip Recruiter ziprecruiter.com/kfcHoney joinhoney.com/kfcYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Another edition of KFC Radio featuring Offended the Musical. We got Rowan, we got Francis, of course, Feidelberg, and myself. Today's edition of KFC Radio. I like how you really toned it down and got to us. It was like, well, you're stuck with us. We're like, you know, the old faithful.

It's like, you got it. You got to get us. Dollar Shave Club delivers everything you need to look good, feel good, and smell your best. Now, a lot of you guys out there, you're not going to be prim and proper. You're not going to pamper yourself. But you don't want to look like a slob. Yeah, I was going to say a lot of you guys, not Madame Feidelberg. For the Madame Feidelbergs out there, they got it all for you. I'm talking lip balm, hair product.

For sure. Moisturizer. Wow. But for some of you more... I moisturized this morning. I bet you did. How do you... Would you just put lotion on your face? Is that what moisturizing is? Weird, right? I only do it when I go to hotels. When I go to hotels, I pamper the shit out of myself.

I put the robe on, put the slippers on, I use all the fucking eucalyptus fucking soap and all that stuff. But for the average guy out there, you want to just, you got to brush your teeth. You got to comb your hair. You got to shave. All those basics, they take care of all of it. Shampoo, conditioner, body wash, toothpaste, hair gel.

You can even wipe that ass. You go with the wet wipes, Francis? I like that concept. I just don't know. I haven't committed to it. Well, listen, get yourself some one-wipe Charlies, and you'll get into it. Body cleanser and the shave butter, that's their daily essential starter kit, and you can get it by going to dollarshaveclub.com slash KFC.

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But the potential for today is through the goddamn roof. I build this up as potentially the four most fucked up people at Barstool. It's some sick minds. It's also heavy competition at Barstool. There's a lot of people who could fall into the realm of the Final Four fucked up.

Yeah. This could be our Mount Rushmore right here. Now, Francis said to me, I don't think Rowan's that fucked up. I said, well, last time he came on the show, he fucked a chair. That's true. So he put his penis between the spokes of a chair. That's true. Which, you know. Did you take it out?

No, I finished. I mean, obviously, Francis needs no introduction as far as being a sick fuck. So, you know, you're in here. We just kind of carry, like, the depressed torch and the, like, deep, dark demons. So, all in all, we kind of got all of the different angles of, like, fucked up covered. I would say maybe, like, Newcomer Large is left on the outside. He's on the bubble. He's new.

YP's fucked up. He's a porn savant. He's on the bubble. He's new. YP's fucked up. He's a porn savant. He's a porn genius. Yeah, yeah, yeah. YP's like not fucked up. You know what? YP's actually a genius. But it's just with a certain thing.

I learned, I've been introduced to the world of Reddit porn through those guys. I actually have not dabbled yet, but they told me, forget about you porn, forget about Pornhub. Reddit porn. It's like cosplay where you're like a moderator and well listen to this you can you can randomize it you kind of click like random right so you go to like not safe for work and you click random but not safe for work can also mean like dead bodies and like beheadings and shit if you're sometimes so sometimes you're trying to get sexy and all

of a sudden like bam terrorist beheading and you have to jerk off to that the rules are read in porn but that's like I mean that's the shit that's the kind of fucking porn I grew up on man faces of death type shit rotten.com oh yeah

rotten.com had that fucked up stuff faces of death I remember I had I had this is kind of news to probably Francis and Rowan where I had a babysitter

who used to like make me watch porn with her and um yeah he was molested as a child but she would also on top of making me watch porn she would like have me watch like just like rotten.com with her so like we'd be on there i remember i vividly remember one picture where it's just two dudes on like a construction site totally naked in hard hats with their dicks tied

together by a chain having like a tug-of-war contest what and it was just like two like really straight what was that called? Pain Olympics? That you just like fucking stretched out. Like that's what the dick looked like. And that was before Photoshop, man.

That shit was real. And then she was like, okay, let's take it down a notch. Let's look at Mother Teresa's autopsy. It was fucked up. That's another YP special. There's another,

there's a subreddit where it's just hot dead people in the morgue. It's like, here's a sexy chick, but she's dead. Sounds like a tech special. Whoa, buddy. That's fucking gross. So they get dark. So the morgue. It's like, here's a sexy chick, but she's dead. Sounds like a tech special. Whoa, buddy.

That's fucking gross. Yeah, so they get dark. So maybe YP, you know. He's up there. He's right on the cusp. I just didn't have access to this kind of stuff. I just didn't know about it. I didn't have a babysitter.

I wasn't lucky enough to have someone who was sherping me on this journey. I didn't have a guide. We should find her. By the way, speaking of, like, I just forgot about that. That's one of the stories. I forgot about that story. We're going to introduce By the way, speaking of, like, I just forgot about that. That's one of the stories. My fucked up life. Forgot about that story. We're going to introduce a new segment, basically, running series for Fight Over called My Fucked Up Life.

So I was like, you need to sit down and tell your fucking stories. Nice. Babysitter molesting. Maybe new or uno. That's up there, yeah. I still don't understand the dick stretching apart thing. Is someone jerking off to that? Is someone just like, or is that just like there is a lid for every pot, my friend?

That's just you kind of see it and you're like, bro you gotta you gotta come see it that's like we used to do that shit in like with the e-bombs world in the high school computer lab where everyone should have like eight horny kids huddled around watching fucking weird shit at that point it's hard i was gonna say at that point your dick decides i don't know what i like maybe i'm into fucking dudes with chains on their dicks. I don't fucking know. I'm watching the Uma Uma Ye guy like, what the fuck is this? Like on the Barstool Instagram a couple days ago, there was the dick kicking video or whatever. These guys are just getting their dicks kicked in. Like, why are those guys learning that shit? Is it like a samurai thing?

Are you building up tolerance to dick kicks? Well, here's the thing. I can tell you why. Like, imagine that you were really good at that. Like, no woman could get away from you. That's the number one thing they learn. Knee the guy in the groin, right? You're basically invincible.

I'm fine. He just sits around, he just kicks himself in the nuts and maces himself every night. You can't get me! You're going nowhere. You're going nowhere. Yeah, see, this is why we did this. This is why we invited you on. So the new podcast is Offended the Musical.

And I mean. I listened to the first episode yesterday. It's very, very funny. I mean, I've long said I've sucked both your dicks long enough. I think you two are the most naturally talented people at Barstool. Between the musical abilities and Francis with his nine sports you know it's very very at least so you guys you guys getting together is uh something special yeah because you you know you were a rapper and you could play the piano but then also you could rap a little bit now all of a sudden you're a punk fucking front man

so you really guys you both just do music well this is the thing what we found was that we had a lot of uh similarities like in the in sort of the musical and musical theater world like roan did musical theater growing up i did musical theater yo for real like i i carry it so shamefully well you were telling a story yesterday where you did into college i i i did i mean i i did like a rap a live rap show type of musical theater in college. It was like I go out into the crowd and like rap about the things they have in their hands. Yeah, bro, don't get that twisted. That's awesome.

You've talked about that extensively. Singing and dancing are two things that when you're young, or at least in our era, it was like, you're gay. And then when you're a little bit older and you see like Justin Timberlake get pussy like none other, it's like, this is not gay. This is awesome. And it's like my biggest regret is not even trying. I was not getting pussy off of like, if I was a rich man. I fucking wasn't popping like that. Yes, that's true.

But I also, I just think any talent, once you get a little bit older, you realize being talented at anything is cooler than not being talented. You see Darren Revelle yesterday? Popping off with doing the musical theater? It was the funniest thing I saw on the internet yesterday. I didn't see it. Oh, my God. Can you pull that up?

It's on his Twitter. He was like. I think I saw some of Dan's screenshots. Yeah. But I didn't know where they came from. So all of a sudden, he was visiting somebody, doing his shit. And he was like, I just transformed into the Beast today. And he just starts singing musical theater, doing Beauty and the Beast.

How did it sound? It was good? Yeah. It was all. That, it was all... That's why the facial expressions were like... He was into it. And I was like, of course, people are knocking him. But I was like, yo, I can't do that.

He can. Now, when it's Darren, it's particularly nerdy and weird and stupid. It is naturally nerdy. How about Darren Rovel's Stan? So maybe this isn't going to translate to you guys. This is him? Yeah, yeah. This is D. This is him? Yeah, yeah. This is D.

This is big Rovell. Of anything that even hints at kindness. And from my tortured shape. A hard P. Yeah, really a down hard. No comfort, no escape. You could tell that he was like, even in his follow-up tweets, A hard P. Yeah, really a down hard. You could tell that he was like, even in his follow-up tweets, you could tell he was kind of upset.

He abandoned it to do sports shit. So this was like his moment to come back out. It's knocked it out of the park. I think it sounds pretty good. I can't really tell if it's good or not. Well, listen, for an average, to me, it's great. I'm sure it's not perfect. That's not the song I would have chosen to sing from that musical. Is that Beauty and the Beast?

Because then he started talking to Lady Miz, and I was like, maybe. He calls himself the Beast. I figured it was Beauty and the Beast. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I don't recognize the song, but it sounds good. I don't recognize the song either. Either way, I'm saying.

We sing Beauty and the Beast a lot. We do. That's one we like to sing together. Tale as Old as Time, babe? Yeah, a little Tale as Old as Time. That one's pretty good. You guys should do some Disney spoofs. We've talked about it. No, we just did a Disney spoof. That one's pretty good. You guys should do some Disney spoofs. We've talked about it.

No, we just did a Disney spoof. Make them hypersexualists. About Belle or about Ariel from The Little Mermaid. Because you wanted to fuck a mermaid? He actually liked Ursula, who I always thought was a massive trans. She's thick. A BBW. Yeah, where she got those tentacles.

Where could you put those, I wonder? You got eight of them. I mean, it's big right now. Throwing underwater cheese in her cleavage. Yeah, those things are stuck together. But Ariel's a hoarder. That was the basis of the song. She is, man.

And I was thinking we should do, obviously, Make a Man from Mulan, such an iconic song. We should do it as a doctor who's performing who's performing a, a gender reassignment surgery. 2018, man. Somehow I'll make it. Yeah. I thought that would be a good one.

I'll sew this here and there. I'll make one. Let's get down to business and build you a dick. Yeah. A lot of the songs, they do tend a little bit blue. They get a little bit like dirty. You don't say,

if I could be honest about the musical. But that's something you're not going to get in a lot of other musicals. And you know what's very liberating about it is that you are allowed to eat. We've learned, I think, that you can get away with more in a song. If you just sing it, it doesn't matter. You could be like, N-word. It's okay. It's a song.

It doesn't matter. We were playing a song called Looking N-word. Guy walking down the street. See, that's funny. Introspective song. But he also has an afro and he's white. That's clever as fuck. All right.

We're going to get into a clip from your latest episode or maybe the second latest episode, which I think if you're really just trying to get a full sense for Offended the Musical and what Ronan Francis can do, this is probably the one, uh, this clip's brought to you by away travel, go to away, travel.com slash KFC.

And you use the promo code KFC, away, travel.com slash KFC travel promo code KFC travel. Let's make it difficult. Uh, they got the perfect luggage, huh? Oh yeah. I'm not allowed. I'm not allowed to luggage. Huh? You keep cheating. You keep tweeting at the promo code. Oh, yeah.

I'm not allowed to tweet. Really? You have to listen. No more extra publicity. Did Away okay this sponsoring of this clip? I don't know. We might get an email. If I can't even tweet this out, they might not be.

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This is Roan V. Wade. Honestly, this came up organically during a conversation while we were filming this or while we were recording the podcast. What were we even talking about? But abortion came up. You had told me your buddy had just had his fourth kid and you asked me if any of my friends had had kids. I was like uh no although some would have without the help of a clinic and um and and then we got into it and i don't i don't know how it went from that to like battle rap we should debate abortion through battle rap even just as we're coming up with the stuff on the podcast francis and i will kind of just like look

at each other and it's like oh shit shit, this is the moment for like a song or like a musical number or like for this case, it was like a rap battle where we kind of examined the sides of Roe v. Wade through our kind of sick twisted little fucked up view. It had a little like Bad Meets Evil

vibe to it. Right, right. I didn't know what that was, but I was going to say it's the heads of Eminem yeah yeah like that where they're telling a story and bouncing back and forth and obviously

I mean if you didn't know Roe v. Wade is the name of the Supreme Court case so like to me this if this was me it would have been like

I don't even know what the song's going to say but we have to make a song called Roe v. Wade right exactly that's where we were at too it's just like we locked eyes

and our eyes got big it was like okay let's do this it's obvious alright let's play a clip from Roe big. It was like, okay, this is the moment. All right, let's play a clip from Rowan V. Wade. Your podcast sounds super sexual.

It is. We just saw one another. The locked eyes are at the age where we're no longer the gayest podcast duo on the company. Rowan, I really feel like

you should think about what you're talking about here. No, dude. This is something that I've always wanted to do, and I promise you, like, I'm going through with this. It's just so many different angles. I don't think you're considering the whole picture.

I considered them. Don't get it twisted. Don't get it contorted. I'm going to get this motherfucking baby aborted. Parenthood is tough, and I can't afford it, so I'm stabbing that baby. Yup, I'm gonna sort it. Roan, you should try to think of other

options. Maybe put that innocent baby up for adoption. Many of couples are desperate for a child. Alternatively, you could let it live in the wild. No, fuck that shit. That baby's good as dead. I'm gonna put a cold hanger through the hole in his head, so like I said, Don't get it confused

If I wanna have a bloodlust Then it's my right to choose But what about your girl? She has a say too You have to understand It's not all about you A woman's body is precious It's just like a life

Don't be a monster Walk away from the night Yo, who the fuck are you To assume my girl's gender? This guy hates chicks And he needs to be censored I love women And all they have to offer And I'm proving that today Who the fuck are you to assume my girl's gender? This guy hates chicks and he needs to be censored. I love women and all they have to offer.

And I'm proving that today by killing off my daughter. Please accept my apology. I didn't mean to be rude. I'd respect her body even if she's a dude. But as we both know, life begins at conception. If you didn't want the child, you should have used contraception. I've tried condoms. I don't like how they smell.

Plus the Bible says contraception sends you to hell. How will I abort this baby? Well, I got a million ways. Fetus, if you got fingers, start counting your days. Fetus is born by the end of 12 weeks. It's still within the window, but it's getting kind of bleak. I promise you, man, don't be a monster. You might find it magical to raise a daughter. Oh, wow, Dr. Science. Did your mommy teach you that? If I had a daughter, she would be a brat. That's a fact, yo. You close the clinics, then I'll do it in the bathroom.

That baby better hide, because I'm bringing out the vacuum. Leave your genius. I won't let you do it. You don't understand. You try to misconstrue it. The stakes are too high. A human life is sacred. You'll have to go through me if you even try to waste it. Yo. If you want to figure out me if you even try to waste it. Yo.

If you want to figure out who won that battle, log on. Subscribe. Make sure that you. I mean, that was unbelievable. That was really, really brilliant. I looked at Ron afterwards and I was like. You were a little concerned. I was like, are we going to be okay here?

And he was like, well, you're taking the other side so it's equal I took the other side from like a very grounded perspective you're talking about coat hangers and vacuums and like knives having gone through this when you get if you guys ever have kids you and your wife will download a little app and it counts the fucking days for you yeah

and every week it tells you how big your baby is it's like today it's the size of a peppercorn you have and then today it's the size of a kiwi

and then they get into these fruits you never fucking heard of before you can abort this yeah and every time I was thinking about like it'd be like oh you know a mango is pretty big.

Imagine killing a mango. You'd have to do this. That was true. Eventually it was like, this is a bowling ball. I was like, all right, that's it.

It would hurt my finger if you dropped it on it. Yeah. So we really clogged the toilet. Yeah. The call plumber. So we were like,

yeah. This is what we need. we we've we've gotten a little uh a little soft and doughy you know we need to sharpen up here on ksc radio that is that's the battle rap world in me for sure though it's like you i mean you can tell that you like if it's the mic's on it's no holds barred right and it's like uh drawing the line of of where it all is at like i think you can take more steps when you're in music or in a rap and stuff like that especially in battle rap because like that's the the point of it's supposed to be incisive so i i like francis was a little bit shy in a way and anytime we're shy in a way it's like i i always encourage us like lean into it i think francis does too well you know we had just been told basically that was i think that was our first was that our first

episode uh second okay second so i mean we had just been told though that our name that we had chosen which was white guys the musical might deter advertisers from hopping on board well don't worry we took care of that with episode two so we will there's something to the name like episode material can be a little more edgy than when you go to iTunes and you just fucking look at it. I actually don't think White Guys at Musical is that offensive.

But we had that discussion and it was the risk reward is like there's just the benefit of like, okay, that's a funny joke, White Guys at Musical. But the potential downside is greater than that, so why fuck with it? We've had it with even episode titles. It'd be like, yo, we's a funny joke. White guys are musical, but the potential downside is greater than that. So why fuck with it? We've had it with even episode titles. Yeah.

Well, we'd be like, yeah, we got to fix episode titles. Like dick butter. It's like, well, we shouldn't have put that on.

Thanks. It's funny though. Cause like the thing about it in song, what you realize is like, nobody could, it's so clearly a character driven thing. Like it's, it's so clearly an actor,

a piece of artwork. Right. When you say something an actor, a piece of artwork. Yeah, you guys weren't saying that. Right. When you say something out there, anybody could, or write it especially, people can immediately accuse you of meaning it, even if it's clear

that there's different context. Whereas with that, there's a beat. We're goofing back and forth. And when I listen, I'm like, I mean, he's got to say vacuum.

It rhymes perfectly. It really went together. It's about the rhyme. We discussed it. It was like, I mean, he's got to say vacuum. It rhymes perfectly. It really went together. It's about the rhyme. We discussed it. I was like, wait, how do they actually do it? And I think Francis was like, yeah, they go in there with like a Hoover vacuum. And then we work backwards from that. We set it up with bathroom.

I love it. You sick fucks. It is sick. You guys want to do some voicemails? Hell yeah. Voicemails with the offended musical guys brought to you by Blue Apron. I feel like Francis probably can cook. I do cook, yeah.

Of course. See, you spotted it. I've been to Francis' house for a cookout. Yeah. Francis Cook. Cookout. I'm pretty sure I... Do you guys become black all of a sudden?

What do you mean? Cookouts are fucking... White people don't call them cookouts. I have never called it a cookout in my life. Like barbecue? Yeah. I guess, but... I like cookout. Invited to the cook have never called it a cookout in my life. Barbecue? Yeah. I guess, but it didn't have— Invited to the cookout?

That's a big-time black people thing. I don't think so. I think I say them interchangeably. What did you call it when you invited him, Francis? I can't remember. I don't see color. Francis is probably like, I'm having a soiree in my house. An evening at Francis.

I feel like you invite a lady over, and you rattle those pots pots and pans and all of a sudden it's like, wow. Well, admittedly, I cook a lot, but I don't cook particularly complicated things. Stick with the basics. Stick with the classics. A lot of fish, protein. So Blue Apron will help you out, though, because it comes – so the way it works is you order meals, three meals, and it comes with all the ingredients prepackaged and pre-measured out. So you can't even screw it up even if you're an idiot. It's idiot-proof.

It's going to teach you how to cook, and it's going to save money when you're not ordering seamless. How about Logan? Our producer, Logan, ordered seamless. He's been living here for, what, months now? Seamless for the first time ever. I can't believe that, honestly. He just didn't know about it. It took us mentioning a bunch of times where he decided, okay, I'm going to go ahead and Google this thing.

He's like, it's just easier to go get it. I was like, no, it's not. In no world is it easier. I think it's just being afraid to try new things. Is it like downloading the app? He would order food and just go get it. Just cut that out and have them deliver it to you, dude. It also just limits your radius of what food you can get.

You're going to walk miles. To the only places that are around your, have one of those guys hop on those electric bikes and drive 80 blocks. I wrote a song about seamless I posted on my Instagram a while ago. Listen, I am a huge seamless guy, but it's expensive as hell. It is. And it's like, you order everything

you don't need, you add like, oh I'll get this appetizer, I'll get this dessert, next thing you know you're fat and broke. And that's what Blue Apron keeps you safe from that. You go to blueapron.com slash KFC, and you get your first three meals for free. They've got the summer menu out right now, chicken with barbecue sauce, juicy cheeseburgers. They partner with Bob's Burgers and MasterChef. So they've got a high-quality menu, easy to cook with the recipes and ingredients.

Perfect for your cookout anywhere. Or your barbecue. Blueapron.com slash KFC right now to get with the recipes and ingredients. Perfect for your cookout anywhere. Or your barbecue. Blueapron.com slash KFC right now to get those three meals for free. Voicemails time. Let's do it. Speaking of, before we get to voicemails, speaking of Blue Apron and cooking and stuff like that, I have a question for you two. This has been something that's been bothering me all day

because I got in a little fight with Nate this morning where Nate was mad at Spider because we had a bunch of pizzas for lunch today and Nate was mad at Spider because Spider, we had a bunch of pizzas for lunch today. And Nate was mad at Spider because Spider didn't order him a salad. What? Yep, exactly. I said, Nate, I didn't know you were a salad guy.

And he said, I eat salad for lunch every single day. And I said, well, you know Nate, he's in sassy mode right now. Yeah. I said, well, you don't look like a guy who eats salad. And he said, are you calling me fat, John? I said, I'm actually not calling you fat. I'm just talking about your entire ambiance.

Everything about you. Your aura is not a salad guy. There's definitely a very specific person because if you're a salad guy, you care about what you're putting in your body. You care about

what you're putting on your body. You care about everything. Kevin laughed at me when I said, even your wardrobe says not a salad guy. His shoes, his pants,

his shirt, his hair, his face, nothing about that says, I have salads for lunch every day. And he got me so mad because I kept saying it. And he goes, honestly, you sound like Smitty right now. And I felt like in Always Sunny when they're doing the comptroller thing and Max trying to get a bribe from the local IBW, whatever it is, the local I can't think of the English

word for it. Union? Union. There it is. Harvard brain right there. I'm so good with words. And he's trying to get a bribe from the union and they decide to fight back because he called us nerds. So the whole episode they're very mad because he called them nerds. I'm very mad because he said he's not like the video. He's like, nos. I'm very mad because he said he sounded like Smitty.

Like, no, what I'm saying makes sense, you goddamn little idiot. You got furious. You started getting flustered with your words like Smitty. It's like, oh, fuck. He's proving it. I mean, listen, if Nate's eating salads every day. They're not working. They're not working.

He switched to something tasty. He's putting too much dressing on them, apparently. I don't know. No, I've seen him. He eats like chicken and like salmon and like a couple greens with it. He's not eating salads dressing on them, apparently. I don't know. No, I've seen him. He eats chicken and salmon and a couple greens with it. He's not eating salads like that every day. He's going to the salad bar at Essendon and loading up on everything else. Croutons, like you might as well have a sandwich.

Exactly. No one knows that. And you can't expect Spider, the in-office, he's not going to get you a salad. It's preposterous. He's got nine pizzas. He's not going to get nine pizzas and one salad for you, Nate. No one's scanning the content side of the office and going, I bet he wants a salad? Like, it's preposterous. He got nine pizzas. He's not going to get nine pizzas and one salad for you, Nate. No one's scanning the content side of the office

and going, I bet he wants a salad. Right. Let's cater to Nate's, like, small appetite. Shout out to Spider, though. Spider's the fucking man. Spider's the man.

He's good. He's good at what he does. He could get rid of a body. Oh, yeah, definitely. That's so true. He'll be your clear. He'll be your Ray Donovan. He'll be your Doug Stamper.

I don't think Spider would even second guess it. No. He called Spider and said, bro. He'll be your Doug Stamper. I don't think Spider would even second guess it. No. He called Spider and said, bro. I think he would kill the person for you. I don't know if he'd go that far. No. Let's find out.

I think if you said, Spider, look, I had an incident at my house tonight. This dude OD'd. I need you to come. Why don't we do that? Why don't we roll something up in a rug that looks like a body and just be like that late night at the office like Spider-Man? Where's Tex? See what happens?

That would be actually wicked funny. That would be hilarious. See how far he'll go? Jesus Christ, Spider-Man. That experiment on Netflix. What was that called? The fucking jump? The push?

Like, would you kill man? Would you hide a body from me? Yeah. We don't explicitly tell him it's a body, but it's very clearly a body. Yeah. It's just taped up with like a round of head. We could just put like one of those travel golf bags in the middle of a pile of trash. That's all my golf clubs that I've ever owned in there.

You could put a bunch of raw meat in it so it stinks. Let's put Nate in there. Yeah, like a human who's ready to pop out, but then he comes in with a Glock and is like, let's make sure it's not moving. Oh my gosh, what have we done? Stabbing it. You got to do this first. it's not moving. Oh, my God, Spider. What have we done? Stabbing it. You got to do this first.

Bleed it out. Oh, God. Spider just gets way too. He goes Dexter, or not Dexter, the ice cream man in the beginning when he's like draining one. I got plenty of experience here. Like, don't worry, boys. Let me get the thumb for a trophy at home. Spider's parents are definitely morticians, so he knows what he's doing. He's got his way around a dead body.

He's just got that look. Ever since I was a kid, I used to run around the funeral home basement opening the coolers, just poking people's dead bodies. He's on the more regretted page, bro. Roan, I, Kevin,

Francis, got a question for you. If you had to have a guy-guy-girl threesome and you had to pick the guy from someone who works at Barstool, who would you pick? Boy. Thanks, guys. Again, this is a question that only these people would answer. This is good.

I like it. I like this question. The guy-guy-girl. Next one. Yeah like this question. A lot of people are like, oh, next one. And we're like, yeah, good question. The guy, guy, girl. My first thought was gay Pat, but then it's like, wait a second, that's just, I'll just wind up

having sex with gay Pat. You go gay. That's just gay. Okay, so Rowan's gay. You're already doing a musical. Is that musical theater coming out? Exactly. I'm like jazz handing over here.

I feel like you gotta either decide whether you wanna go, like no competition or if you want to just get sexy right right right you know like that is the ultimate like would it be do i want to go there's there's a huge element that you guys aren't considering which is the first thing i thought of which was like okay who's the guy who the next day when you have to see them every day going forward, you're not going to be awkward. They'll just be like, hey, that was weird. We saw each other's O faces. You were a little wide with your spray.

Got some on my toe webbing. Not thrilled about it. I tasted bad. You went shotgun when the situation called for a sniper. I played Silcom Navy SEALs. This was a sniper level. Your pull-out game sucks, buddy. You were closer to explosion than you knew.

Jackson Pollock to me. I'll tell you who I'm not picking. We mentioned him before. That wild boy, YP. I'm not trying to be in the bedroom. A, with that donk. I might be a little too turned on by that. You start feeling around in the dark.

What is this? Actually, I don't know. Do you want lights on or off? Because it's like you don't want to see things, but you don't by that. You start feeling around in the dark. What is this? Actually, I don't know. Do you want lights on or off? Because it's like you don't want to see things, but you don't want to. You got to go on. Yeah, just because visual is worse. It's not as bad as touch. Be in a minefield in 2018 when the mines are labeled.

Yeah. Did you see the footage from his latest Barstool Outdoors bit? He's on the boat, and the camera's just like on the fucking deck looking up. And he's not meaning to do this, but he's just straddling over it. And he's wearing like some sort of spandex board short thing. And you just see like his grundle and his fucking donk. And I was like, I'm straight up. I'm turned on.

It's a rap music video shot. It's a titril shit. I'm not trying to, you know, my Kinsey scale will go bananas and I don't even know what YP gets into. So you are off my list, bro. Yeah, he's out. And I also think it's like you can't have someone that would, when you look at them, you can't have someone too gross where it's just like you're going to be like disgusted. Like what is going on here?

So you need someone who's like. What did I get myself into? Right. All right. So let's give me some answers. I'm still. I mean, I would probably go with you. Keith is clean, but Keith is...

He doesn't have an STD. Clean is important here. He's sharing holes with somebody. Cleanliness is... Like, it ain't gas, bro. I ain't picking gas. We're not sharing... Sharing a house cleanliness is important.

Sharing a hole secreting fucking liquids is super important. But Keith, I feel like like makes love yeah you get sensual what's that what is that porn called where there's like people making love hard x yeah what's your line with porn i'm like hard x anything after hard x the girls are always super hot so i click on it i like it that, that's what I meant, not hard X. Hard X fucks. Passion HD is what I meant. Passion HD is the bad one, yeah. You seen that new 4K shit?

Not really. 4K is like you're living in the future. Super high depth. It's like crystal clear. It's like shit. All those women have horrible skin. Yeah, that's true. It's almost a little too HD.

Don't like it. Bad skin. Yeah, big bottoms, apples. So you're going to make love with Keith? Nah, I don't think so. You won't fuck cause Keith I think would be

I think it would affect Keith in the future I think it would drastically listen I'm picking you because we could shake it off yeah

I mean we wouldn't even I'm not picking John too I just feel like he'd be like cool with it it's like bro what are you gonna be fine with it's like what is he

gonna shame me about I feel like it wouldn't even be like talked about afterwards like he would just grab his phone and start checking Twitter wouldn't even be like we talked about it afterwards. Like he would just grab his phone and start checking Twitter and I'd be like,

uh, what time are we recording tomorrow? Cool. This girl would be sitting there like, what? No,

no, honey, we're done. Yeah, you can go. You can go. We have to work on tomorrow's show.

Thanks for the material, but get the fuck out. I, uh, I, I, for me, I,

I, I, I want to say maybe John, but also, um, I'm so curious about Zaha.

I really am. And I know it's probably like a well-trodden ground, but I just think like, first of all, it improves the ratio. It's really one and a half guys to a girl. And then secondly, like, you know, on the position, sometimes like your feet might brush against his thighs, you know, or like, like the way you line it up. Like, okay, so he's behind her having sex and she's blowing you and you're like lying down, sitting down.

You know, the distance with his little feetsies, not going to get as close to touching you. I don't want any contact with the other guy. I feel you. You went down on that one. Now, the problem with Zah is his dick is probably about a foot wide. It's dragging. I don't know if he has a length.

He's got the width. No, it's a nice breaker piece. You run up in there afterwards, and it's the classic cliche hot dog down the hallway. Based on shoulder width. Yes. That's what I go with more than hand size, because I have little hands, but broad shoulders. I'm like, shoulder width is- That one's scientific.

Shoulder width is what says dick size. His shoulder width says that says dick size his shoulder width says that his dick is just massive wide he's wearing shoulder pads everywhere he goes

it's crazy every single day he walks in I'll be like Zal take your shirt off I know you're wearing I need to see it at least you're wearing

lacrosse shoulder pads he wears 170 he weighs 170 that's like more than you yeah gay pal weighs 10 pounds more than he does

it's crazy he weighs 20 pounds more than spider that's nuts no no 30 pounds more than you. Yeah. Gay Pat weighs 10 pounds more than he does. It's crazy. He weighs 20 pounds more than Spider. He's taller than he is. That's nuts. No, no, 30 pounds more than Spider. Spider's 140. Zah is 170.

Oh, my God. Big Ev might be my choice, too, because he's just so confident. You see those tan lines on him the other day? He does have confidence. That's hilarious. He popped the top off. He gave big guy advice for, do you wear a shirt in the pool or not? And he was like, fuck it. You can't be weird. Oh, he popped the top off he gave big guy advice for uh do you wear a shirt in the pool or not and he was like fuck it you can't be weird i'll pop the top off he's got these tan lines because of the shade created by

his bigness that's just it looks like a roadmap like it's just wild yeah there's been a clip parts of his body just parts that i've never seen the sun the dark side of the moon My no-fly list is Gaz I'm not fucking with Large Way too big of a human And I feel like he probably puts down And I mean, of course, Dave No, no, no chance

That goes without saying But me and you, babe Okay, I'm in I think Willie might be off my list Yeah, I love Willie Willie's a full-grown Zod I'm not fucking with that I don't fuck with the mini version.

I'm not fucking with the big version. I can just see, like, we're sharing, and then all of a sudden he's like, I'm taking her. And, like, just absconds into another room. Next thing he's taking you. Whatever Willie wants to do is what goes. I'm good. I'll finish on my own. No problem. Safer.

Safer here. Turn into cuck porn. Oh, we got deep on that one. Hi, Fights, DC, KFC. I have a question. Have you ever been in a predicament when you're sleeping with a girl and she has pretty much put so many boundaries on you that you're just like, what the fuck? Or I don't know if you've ever asked a girl in bed to just not do this, not do that. So I just recently slept with a guy purely just hooking up, do not want to date him.

And, you know, he said said I can't call him babe. He said I can't tuck on his hair. He said I can't kiss him on his neck. Is this a pretty woman? No, no nails. No, like, scratching of the back or biceps. So for me, I'm a very rough kind of person, very passionate in everything I do. So I do things like that in the bedroom.

And I've never had a situation where a guy was like, you can't do any of this, like four or five different things. And I was just on top of like, what the fuck do you want me to do to make you come? Girls don't realize we get these calls a lot. Like he doesn't ever like tag me on social media or he won't like give me his Instagram handle. It's like, he's hiding a whole other life. a lot like he doesn't ever like tag me on social media or he won't like give me his instagram handle it's like he's hiding a whole other life that one is so obvious everything that you can't call me

babe because that's a term of endearment that he clearly uses with his actual girlfriend no nails to mark his bell markups no pulling on his hair no kissing on the neck for hickeys yeah that's straight down the line but it's almost mixing one that's not so obvious. But she does say, like, it seems like she knows him. Like, they're hooking up. Yeah. Well, I mean. But, like, I always think of the people who call in, I think a lot of it is often, like, college-age kids. So I feel like you're running in the same circle.

So you know it's out. It's not like a New York thing where we met at a bar and, like, we kind of keep each other's number here and there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, even that, you'd be surprised. We go to the same bars we go to the same parties you'd be surprised how much you can overlap in new york even i used to run into people again i'm like what the fuck stay no i had dinner once directly next to a girl i had hooked up with before and she was just looking at me and i just looked straight ahead the whole time just pretending you didn't see anything the entire time yeah It's like, nope.

It's like those horses where they put the blinders on. The blinders on. I mean, that is very clearly what's going on here. I don't think any guy normally gives any... There could be no other explanation if you're like, what's her question? Just why do guys have boundaries? She asked if you've ever been with a girl.

I think girls are much more prone to have boundaries. There's a lot of things we want to do to them that's fucking horrible. Those picky broads. Four knocks up in here. I hooked up with a girl once who wouldn't let me finger her using my left hand. Hey, listen, maybe you're a little too powerful with the right.

What kind of inverted vagina Are you working with here Shoot righty You have to work on your left I guess so Amy Dexter It's just like When the coach Only lets you shoot

Left handed layups Or like only kick With your left foot in soccer It's like you need To work on it Yeah I guess that's true I always have to Switch that up though

Because I just get so tired I don't understand Lesbians are the strongest People in the whole world I think Not even lesbians Porn strongest people in the whole world I think. Not even lesbians. Porn stars who do lesbian porn sometimes

because they'll fucking finger for they got that fast twitch muscle. Five minutes. Yeah. I got 45 seconds by four arms length.

Oh yeah. And like I used to like playing hockey we used to work on four arms a lot. I like to think I have at least I used to have pretty strong four arms.

Yep. 45 seconds I'm on fire. Unless you're Spider-Man that's just not a persistent emotion that you can uphold. I have at least I used to have pretty strong forearms. Yep, 45 seconds. I'm on fire Man, that's just not a Persistent emotion that you can uphold. I love that everybody's thrown out the spider-man if you're not doing the spider-man your child I don't do this man because of my fingers My man only does one thing So big yeah I got this Pepsi can finger My man only does one finger. I only got one finger. Because it's so big? Yeah. This is huge.

I got this Pepsi can finger. Wow. I got Zah fingers. Broad, shouldered fingers. I mean, otherwise, I don't think most guys are throwing out any sort of no-fly list type shit. You know what I mean? I've been asked that. I didn't even know what to say. I think you do maybe need to specify.

You don't want any backdoor action done to you. I don't like a finger in the butt. It hurts. What a day. Imagine Fights' fingers in your butt, man. Fingers. Pulls it out with an entire rope of shit. That's like a dream.

God damn voicemail. What's up, fellas? Just got a question for you. So my boss, he's kind of the director of my area at the company. And he's kind of a big, big dick guy. And he had asked me recently to go play around at golf with him. Now, I know a lot of people are, like, golfing, do, like, big business stuff on the golf course and things like that.

It sounds like I should do it, right? But the problem is I suck ass at golf. Like, it's fucking embarrassing how bad I am. And I was wondering, because I always feel like it's a lose-lose. Like, if I don't go, he's going to be like, fuck this kid. You know, he's a dick, whatever, and I won't move up at all. But if I do go, I think he's just going to be like, this dude fucking sucks, and he might just fire my ass.

Like, he certainly won't be impressed. So I'm wondering, what do you think I should do? Do you think I should just suck it up and go? Obviously, I'd have to hit the reins a little bit, but I'll tell you this right now. I've been golfing. I've tried to golf. It ain't pretty, fellas. This is a tough spot. I don't know the answer.

I mean, if I worked a job that was corporate like this, I would be in the same predicament. I don't think anybody expects you to be good, but I do also think that if you go out in a foursome that's even slightly proficient, it's annoying to have a guy who sucks. Although, I mean, I just wouldn't bring you down. would just if i whack it into the woods like fucking whatever let's just keep it moving i'll play i'll play best ball or something but there is a level of like

you know uh you look like a fucking chump you're just making a fool of yourself i think a lot of it depends on how good the boss is did he say that the boss is really good he didn't but let's assume he is yeah like assuming the boss is really, assuming that it's like a nice course, I would turn this down. You don't want to go make a mockery of the game? No, I think there's more harm than good to be had. But you don't think about the harm of like, Johnson won't even play golf. What a fucking sissy. So like propose something else.

Like maybe this guy's a good skier or good at tennis or some shit. And ask your boss if you want to do that. Or go fucking drink with your boss. I was going to say, maybe I'll meet you at the bar afterwards or something like that. But it's, it's very revealing, I think. And golf is like a, is a game that men take very seriously. It's all quiet. It's crazy that people expect everyone to be good at golf.

It's a hard fucking game. And this guy would probably be in his own head. Like, not only will you embarrass yourself physically, but it's like, there's no way you're going to have have the smooth conversation you want if you're just sucking and embarrassed about yourself the whole time and feeling down on yourself. Fuck that. Whatever business you can close on the course,

you ain't closing if you're stressing about your game the whole time. Yeah, but it's like I'm on both sides of the fence because on one hand, early on at Barstool, Dave asked me to golf with him. I said no. What? It was like, we had like some foursome.

Was this like 2009? It was, it was like, I forget what year, but it was like, it was like a charity foursome. Could you imagine that happening? And he was like,

he's like, do you want to play with it? I was like, no. And the, but at the same time, wait, what do you think you would shoot right now?

I probably haven't golfed in two years. I don't know, a hundred. See, that's like, okay though. I mean, I'm talking like, I would shoot like, I would shoot right now uh i probably haven't golfed in two years and 100 that's see that's like okay though i mean i'm talking 120 i would shoot like i would shoot infinity you know david shinnokok like if you had his actual score yes like 600 but i i feel like golf i think people stress too much about golf if you're remotely athletic if you go out and you hit 10 good shots you can have your moments, you can kind of be like, okay, that was a decent

day. You just need to go be an athlete for three hours. Three and a half hours. Yeah, but I mean, some people aren't going to be able to do that. That's where I think you maybe try to bring your, I don't know, cracking jokes, talking to the cart girls, self-deprecate yourself. There's other value to it.

I don't think I've ever stressed in the golf course. I guess I just don't take anything that seriously. Yeah. But, like, oh, boy, I fucking suck. Yeah, you've got to understand that the rest of the world is not down with just complete indifference towards everything and anything. But, like, if you're not with golf, then you're a fucking asshole. And I don't really care about your opinion about anything. If that's what your take is, we're like, come on, John.

Like, you've got to be able to keep up with us. I don't give a fuck. I'll meet you at the bar. I'm not right i'm not gonna stress out all sunday because you want to fucking hit some balls yeah and you know what probably to be honest this will probably be that one-time thing if you're really that bad like go try to make it the best you can if it's not if it's really that big of a disaster he ain't right you again yeah and be honest up front i mean if you go let him know beforehand yeah yeah don't don't go pretending you're like you're missing your tour date for this. Go.

Hey, I'm not very good, Mr. Portnoy. I'm not very good. And he says, that's OK. We just we go there and have fun. OK, sure. You were the victim of one of my favorite troll moves of all time. When those when everybody logged into your like USGA account and changed your handicap. That was the most white first world problems I've ever heard in my entire life.

Yeah, that was a good one. I was so excited that my handicap had gone down because I was playing really well. And so I posted a screenshot of it, but I didn't remember. I didn't realize that the number that I had included in the screenshot allows any random person to just log in to my score center and plug scores in. And one dude logged in and put in 469s, which lowered my handicap to plus two,

which is like poor. Better than raising it, no? Yeah. What's that? Better than raising it. Well, but like not really because as you head into tournaments, you don't want your handicap to be low. True.

Because then you're giving strokes to other players. Right. You want it to be high. But luckily my club was able to just erase them all. That's very funny. Oh, luckily. You were like, at least through your tweets, you sounded pretty distraught.

Like, you were like, I can't win. I'm fucking done with you guys. You're all assholes. Well, it's always my fault. I mean, it's just stupid of me. I don't think about that shit. That's like a new, like, everyone who gets new to Barstool has the mistake of thinking. You didn just stupid of me. I don't think about that shit. Everyone who gets new to Barstool has the mistake of thinking

I'm sure people are good now. Quickly you realize that's not the case. I made a little mistake. I'm sure people will acknowledge that and let me live and be fine with it. No, that's not the way the internet or stoolies in particular work.

They're going to find out what little things you care about, and they're going to destroy them. They will destroy you for everything that you love. We'll do one or two more. Let's do two more. What's up, KFC, Fight, BC, first time calling this is gonna sound too crazy to be true but i have a buddy that wanted to start dating this gal and she asked him or made him before they started dating get uh three letters of recommendations from what professionals or people he's known for a while. So he proceeds to get letters of recommendation, and they had to be about how good of a guy he was,

that he wasn't going to be a cheater, et cetera. He gets his recommendation letters signed. One year later, finds out the entire time she was cheating on him. No shit. I just want to know, how crazy do you have to be to let this happen? Or is this something normal?

Oh, stop it. This chick is a dickhead. Yeah, man. She made him do that to just be a dickhead. But you know what? Go away. Who's the bigger dickhead? The girl from coming up with it or the guy who goes along with it? No, he's fully a dickhead. She was laughing to the bank probably. You got to have enough fucking pride to not get letters of recommendation to go out with a girl. I've done something similar.

Oh, Jesus Christ. What do you mean? It wasn't a letter of recommendation. So I broke up with this girl. We broke up. Hashtag my fucked up life. Here we go. And we broke up and I really wanted her back.

Give me an age. I was distraught. 18. Okay, so you're a pup. Yeah, I was distraught. You're like an 18-year-old breakup, right? Yeah. Really, really sad.

End of the world. I even went into my garage and just cried for a bit. Nice. Good place. Played some sad shit. It was so cold in the garage. It was a good place. Played some sad shit. It's always so cold in the garage. It was a summer. And I kept pleading with her to get back with me.

And she said, only if you tell your mother about what an awful boyfriend you are. And you were. She's a dick. And how you'll be better. That is some sick shit. I remember vividly my mom. I was in the garage when I got the call about how I would need to confess my sins. I didn't cheat or anything. Bless me, Polly.

I was an 18-year-old boyfriend who enjoyed partying in the summer more than fucking hanging out with his girlfriend, you know? And so my mom backs into the driveway because she's unloading mulch and things like that from her car. So I'm telling my mom through tears about what a bad boyfriend I am and she's just like lugging mulch and I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? Be a man, Charlie. No, it's true. At that age, they don't take anything you say seriously.

I'm just like, I wasn't that nice to her and I wouldn't go to dinner sometimes. Did you have to document this for your girlfriend? How'd she know you did it? She just took your word for it? I was scared she would like ask one day.

Did he tell you how bad of a boyfriend he was? Yeah, yeah. And so after all that I call her and I tell her I'd confessed everything

and she's just like yeah, we're not getting back together. Oh my god. Wow. And then you is she dead? Did you kill her? I mean Jesus Christ. That's devious. I remember And then you, is she dead? Did you kill her? I mean, Jesus Christ.

That's devious. I remember when I was in high school, I was dating an older girl, so she went away to college, and, like, I was having a meltdown, and my love was gone, and I was, like, fucking crying, and my mom came home, and she was like, what are you fucking crying about? I was like, Mom, can you just, like, come sit with me for a moment? She was like, shut the fuck up. She really was like, yo, dude, come on. Like, you get over it and at the time i'm like

you're just so insensitive and now i think about like when my kids are like teenagers and crying i'm gonna be like shut up this was supposed to be forever yeah no this is some punk shit it's like go listen to some songs cry it out jerk off cut yourself you'll be fine that honestly though like that is that's the difference between guys and girls. Like you would never catch a guy like being a mental terrorist like that. Just prove yourself

or confess to yourself. I don't know if I agree with that. I think plenty of guys are fucking psychos. But not all thinking this way you think? Yeah I would imagine I mean Scott

look at the country of Saudi Arabia. It's like every man there. Well yeah I mean I'm always talking about Americans. They don't count the uh i've

heard of girls also asking when she said letters of recommendation i thought they were gonna be from like doctors was like he's clean that's too detailed i've been i've been after that before a little more understandable i think but so the fact that she went through with it and is just like okay like this was enough like i will date now. But then she's fucking somebody else the whole time. She respects him little enough that she's like, go get your fifth grade teacher to say that you're,

she didn't respect him off the jump. He jumped through this hoop and now that she knows she has like a little trained puppy that can fucking run alongside her, she'll run with the big dogs if she wants.

I do. I like letters of recommendation just the idea of them because it's like, sounds like a Black Mirror episode. It's like, I've lied to this person just as idea of them. Because it's like... Sounds like a Black Mirror episode. It's like, I've lied to this person just as much as I'm lying to you. I'm going to a person I've told the same lies I'm telling you. Also, I mean, I am 100% faking any letter of recommendation I've ever needed.

So, I... This world's a fucked up place. You know what it really is? It's like, there really is some truth what it really is? It's like, there really is some truth to like, you gotta like neg girls or kind of like

stand up for yourself every now and then because like you said, you start jumping through the hoops, they're just gonna keep throwing hoops at you. For sure. Fuck you.

I'm not doing that. Last voicemail of the day is brought to you by Zip Recruiter. You guys looking for like a producer or an intern or anything? Unoffended the musical?

I mean, we just lost an intern, so yeah. You did? Did you guys kill him? I mean, we just lost an intern, so yeah. You did? Did you guys kill him? Did Francis kill him? He went back to the University of Wisconsin. Okay.

He's in God's hands now. His body was shipped to the university. Well, if you guys want to fill this position, put it up on ZipRecruiter, 80% of people who do that find a qualified candidate in the site in just one day. That's how we found Will.

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Like I said, 80% of employers get a candidate within the first day. Check it out. Try it out for free when you go to ZipRecruiter.com slash KFC. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash KFC. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Last one, what do we got? Hey there, Francis, I've gotta ask, can you finally tag Frankie's tight little ass?

He has a body so smooth and sleek, he won't even need to oil up those butt cheeks. Slide it right up inside his tight hole, show him that your arms aren't feeling too small. Hey, I think you just found your producer We didn't need a zip recruiter Don't Jesus Christ him

Like you haven't spent your whole fucking life Sexually objectifying Frankie It's always tough having your work repeated back to you But that The singing about his voice and the singing That just made me feel strange that was very creepy it's like reminds me of when dave watched his first his own pizza review and he goes you guys watch this shit just me eating pizza that was that was your moment of reckoning that

was bad you know here's the thing and nobody knows frankie and i are actually friends no i think everyone knows that nobody actually like golf or have are actually friends. I think everyone knows that. Nobody actually thinks you're like golf or have problems. I always let him know beforehand, like, hey, I'm putting up a blog about spoon feeding you my dick. And he's like, oh, great. But then, you know, you get these copycats, right? Oh, I actually talked about that. I forget what happened oh actually

i talked about it on friday's quickie uh with camille where i like the thing that annoys me the most at barstool and i don't really have a shtick so it doesn't just the internet doesn't happen to me yeah the internet in general uh it doesn't really happen to me but like when people reply to pft acting like pft right it's no, he's the guy who's good at it. Yeah. Leave him alone. Let him do his thing. With violating Frankie through word.

Through song. Yeah. Through song or mostly word with you. I only blog it. Yeah. You haven't sung yet? No. No.

I like writing. You're above that, bro. No, no. Oh, we're not. I mean, I'm typically above him, but, you know. Nailed it. No, but, you know. Nailed it. No, but I know what you mean. Yeah.

It's like, and also, you know, some people think they don't understand the line or they think like, oh, we're in on the joke and now we'll do it. And then they'll come up to you in the street and be like, hey, have you fucked Frankie yet? I'm like, I'm with my mom. That's like the PMT, suck my dick. Yeah. Right. Okay. Okay. It's not that funny. Yeah. With Dave Chappelle. Right. I'm like, I'm with my mom. That's like the PMT. Suck my dick. Yeah. Right.

Okay. Okay. It's not that funny. Yeah. Dave Chappelle, a rich bitch. All that shit. The,

uh, it happens a lot too with like, people are like, I guess that would be my shtick, like a sarcastic asshole. Uh, if there was, it's not really a shtick,

but if I, if you had to say something, I am often, yeah, it's a sarcastic asshole. Um, and people will be one back to me and then I'll be one back to them. And I'll be like, dude, I was just fucking kidding.

I don't know you. I don't know. Nor do I owe you the fucking respect. Right, right. Let me make sure this guy. You know I'm a joking, sarcastic asshole. I have no idea who you are. Sounds like you're just being a dick.

At BruinsFan1986 or whatever. I don't know who the fuck you are. I don't know if this is really you, so I'm going to be a dick back to you if you're a fucking dick to me. I will say, though, Francis, the day that, you know, when you got people doing that, it's a good sign. I guess that's true. It's like when Dave Chappelle got so popular that everyone was saying, I'm rich, bitch. Like, I get that it's annoying. Right.

But, hey, bro, that means that you've become a household name. Well, you know, Roan made a very interesting point to me the other day. He said that he wants some people to start hating him because he knows that— Be careful what you wish for. You're talking to the two wrong people. My point was that being middle of the road and just kind of accepted by everybody is the worst place you could be in. So you'd rather be kind of accepted by everybody is like the worst place you could be in so you'd rather be kind of polarizing like obviously the the main goal will be like more people like you but if if people start to hate you the people who do like you will go to bat for you and it kind of amplifies their

like your audience or whatever just if you're trying to grow a brand that's kind of that's what i'm thinking it's true it just takes its toll it's like uh you know when they say like oh of a bird like shits on you it's good luck and it's like we're just trying to tell you that because you have bird shit all over you. Yeah, right. It's just a polite way. People always say, like, oh, the Howard Stern, like, the people who hate listening, you know, people like you listen for 10 minutes, people who hate listening to you for 15 minutes. Yeah, that's cool. But also they're in my mentions, like, all day long, you know?

No, I was even, I took it from, like, the battle rap world where there was, like, I took battle rap to a certain point, but then I kind of felt like it plateaued a little bit it leveled off and then like i kind of had to like turn it up another notch for it to to really and and it launched my career to a new height for sure but there were also like a class of people who like think i'm like super fucking corny or super cringe worthy or whatever it's just like all right like i needed that to get to get that many more to have it be up where like I can turn battle rap into something else. Did you guys know that he has never watched any of his battle raps? I find that

very believable. I can't ever watch myself back at all. I've never listened to any podcast. I've never watched any of our videos. And I feel like if I was rapping, like music, for sure not. He doesn't listen to our podcasts. You listen to it? I have to. Because like, there are things that I want in there and some things we want to like change a little bit and uh sometimes the producers aren't always on

the same page i mean that i understand but like people who just kind of listen back to be like well i want to like hear myself and like get better and i'm like yeah good for you that's i want to get better i just i'd go about it different ways than having to do it myself. But I mean, I think, you know, you do get better by listening. Like, I do think we're not getting as better as we could, but I'm, that's okay. That's how it's going to be because I ain't listening. I ain't listening back. I don't know.

You don't think it would help you? No, I don't think it would help me because I don't really have, like, that's the difference between us and a lot of the other podcasts is like, I don't really have anything planned. You know, it's not like I can get through this segment faster and I can hit this point harder. I'm just – we're free speakers. True. But I actually remember when I watched back a couple of my Facebook rants and they were like too long. And I was like, yeah, I lost interest in myself at like one minute, so we're going to cut this down.

Or like people always tell me I talk over people too much. If I were to listen to myself back, I would probably recognize that and try to stop it but i'm not going to so i'm gonna keep talking over you guys so when i listen back it's like i i hear the things i did wrong that's the stuff that is the loudest and then i'm listening for like what joke would i have made here and the joke that i think of after the fact is always the joke that i made in the moment so it's like it confirms the things that i was thinking and it just makes me feel terrible about the things i wasn't sure about. So it's detrimental. Yeah, exactly.

So it ruins your confidence and that's the most important thing that you need to have. I just do it and listen to myself. I would lose confidence if I listened to myself. I put out the podcast. It's the funniest one we've ever done. I say that every single fucking week. Funniest podcast we've ever done. And that's that. Exactly.

It's fact. It's canon. Well, this is the funniest one you guys have ever done. that's that exactly it's fact it's canon well this is the funniest one you guys have ever done yeah that's a argument man because we're here the funniest podcast ever in kc radio history was brought to you by join honey millions of people use honey to save money shopping online it is a web browser add-on that uh attaches to when you go to amazon and it guarantees you getting the lowest price possible when you go shopping on amazon have you bought anything on amazon yet no fights just doesn't you you i Amazon, and it guarantees you getting the lowest price possible when you go shopping on Amazon. Have you bought anything on Amazon yet? No. That's like a Logan thing.

Yeah, that's just as bad. I use Amazon like it's a fucking revolving door. It's where you live. That's where you get everything. What do you buy? Everything. Books and kitchenware. I like to go to the bookstore to get books. I go to the Amazon bookstore. So books. I go to the Amazon bookstore.

I believe. So yeah, I go to the Amazon bookstore on 35th. Okay, I thought you were going to give me like this. That's the same thing as Logan. That's like you're going to that fucking location because you don't feel like ordering it. It's true. Well, anyway, when you use Honey, it makes sure you're getting the lowest price possible. It lets you know if there's any price drops.

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You'll never know about it. It will never intrude. Add it on. Save money. There's no reason not to do it. Go to joinhoney.com slash KFC. Roan, Francis, any last words for the people? You can follow them on Twitter, Offended Musical, and on

Instagram, same thing. I have last words. You forgot to make me read the ads and you're going to forget next week too. Let's go. Damn it. Thanks for having us. I want to have a bloodlust and it's my right to choose. But what about your girl? She has to say too.

You have to understand, it's not all about you. A woman's body is precious. It's just like a life. Don't be a monster. Walk away from the night. Yo, who the fuck are you to assume my girl's gender? This guy hates chicks, and he needs to be censored. I love women, and all they have to offer.

And I'm proving that today by killing off my daughter. Please accept my apology. I didn't mean to be rude. I respect her body, even if she's a dude. But as we both know, life begins at conception. If you didn't want the child, you should have used contraception. I've tried condoms. I don't like how they smell.

Plus the Bible says contraception sends you to hell. How will I abort this baby? Well, I got a million ways. Fetus, if you got fingers, start counting your days. Fingers are formed by the end of 12 weeks. It's still within the window, but it's getting kind of bleak. I promise you, man, don't be a monster. You might find it magical to raise a daughter.

Oh, wow, Dr. Science. Did your mommy teach you that? If I had a daughter, she would be a brat. That's a fact, yo. You close the clinics, then I'll do it in the bathroom.