KFC Radio - KFCradio: Ronny Chieng, Moving On Molly, and How Much To Quit The Internet

Episode Date: September 13, 2018

Ronny Chieng (40:35) from Crazy Rich Asians attempts to beat out Ken Jeong and Jimmy O Yang for funniest Asian on KFCR. He ranks the greatest Rom-Coms of all time and tells us about how Jeremy Lin gets challenged by regular people all the time to play 1-on-1. KFC doesn't want your quarters and Feits found molly in a couch once.Voicemails (12:40) include: flooded apt, never use the internet again, one outfit forever, take credit for an invention.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Today's episode of KFC Radio is brought to you by MGM Springfield. KFC Radio is going to take this shit on the road. We're hitting up the casino in Springfield. And they're giving us a free $10,000 each to gamble. You got me for like a half a millisecond. I got excited. I was like, oh, word?

Yeah, that would be nice. Are they going to give us anything? Maybe speak it into existence. Maybe just give us like $500. $500 works? Make it like a credit so that I could also use it elsewhere at the casino. Get a massage. Yeah.

Let me hit up that MGM spa, bro. Let me hit up the sports bar. I don't need to gamble this all the way in two hands. They got it all. Get a massage. Yeah. Let me hit up that MGM spa, bro. Let me hit up the sports bar. I don't need to gamble this all the way in, like, two hands. They got it all. They got Topgolf. They got the sports bar. Oh, I could go. I could golf all day.

You know what? I can't golf all day. I am not physically fit enough to golf. I go to the driving range seven swings. Yeah, no. I mean, if I swing, like, full torque right now, I'll, like, you know, tear a muscle, like, rip a vertebrae off. But you know what I can do all day is I can belly up at a bar. Yeah, I, I mean, if I swing, like, full torque right now, I'll, like, you know, tear a muscle, like, rip a vertebrae off. But you know what I can do all day is I can belly up at a bar.

Yeah, I can do that. And if you want to do something stupid like golf all day, I'll just stay in my hotel room and masturbate, bro. I mean, we can all have our fun at MGM Casino. I might get up there and be like, see you guys tomorrow. Like, film your own fucking video. I don't know, whatever, man. MGM in Springfield. If you're a Boston stoolie.

Where is Springfield in relation to Foxborough? Could you make a weekend out of this? Could you go to a Pats game and do that or no? I mean, you could do anything. It's not like hours and hours apart. It's not. You shouldn't. You shouldn't.

You could. You could. Yeah. That's the point, though. MGM Springfield makes all sorts of things possible. There you go. You can do anything. The magic of it all. And MGM Springfield.

Go check it out. We got voicemails today. We got an interview with another funny Asian dude, Ronnie Chang. Chang? Chang? Ronnie Chang. Ronnie Chang. Ronnie Chang.

Chang. Chang. Yeah. Chang. It's spelled C-H-I-N-G. It's spelled C-H-I-N-G. It's spelled C-H-I-N-G. It's a fucking bad spelling. It's Ronnie Chang.

He was sitting right here. It's Ronnie Chang. That was days ago, okay? Come on. Another funny Asian guy from Crazy Rich Asians. So now we've had Jimmy O. Yang, Ken Jeong, and Ronnie Chang, and you guys can power rank them. Funniest Asian guys on KFC Radio.

They said they, I mean, Ronnie asked us to do that. Yeah. So, go ahead, let us know who's the funniest after you listen to today's interview. We'll get to our voicemails in a minute. First, I had an awkward moment on the train the other day. I'm getting off on Metro North, and so we're all kind of crowding near, like, the doors,

you know, like, waiting for the train to stop. And I reach in my pocket. I pull my phone out, and a fucking quarter falls on the floor. And I was just like, that's it for that quarter. That belongs to the train now. That's one of those things. It used to be very popular with, I think, Bill Gates when we were kids, where it was Bill Gates so rich that if he drops $200, it's not worth his time to bend over and pick it up.

Buddy, if it's change, I'm that rich. It's gone. I'm that rich where it's not worth my time to bend over and pick it up. Could be a second joy. It could even be a dollar coin. If it's coinage, I'm out of here. I'll even kick it just to show how much I despise it. I mean, I didn't even.

Oh, I had you? Gross. I didn't even consider it. It was like clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, and I didn't even, like, I had you? Gross. I didn't even consider it. It was like, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, and I didn't even, like, I didn't even, my face didn't move, my eyes didn't move, nothing. And some dude was like, I had my headphones in, my head down, like, reading, and I see him,

like, I see his finger out of my peripheral, like, pointing at the coin. And I just, like, buried my head, and I'm just like, I'm just on Twitter here, man. And he was like, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. I look up. I'm like, what are you going to say about this quarter, man? He was like, you dropped something.

I was like, yeah, it's a fucking quarter. It's 25 fucking cents. Buddy, do you know how I'm rolling in it? Excuse me, sir. I have equity in Barstool Sports. I don't need a fucking quarter excuse me sir i have paper bills in my pocket okay the lowest denomination but there's still paper i never know what to do with that when um when you're at a cashier when you know cbs wherever

it is the three times a year i use American currency to actually pay for something. And no matter what, if it's not even, I think I want to walk away. Yeah, absolutely. But then is it insulting to that person to say, hey, it's almost giving them a task. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You hold on to this change for a few days and then throw it on your counter and let it disappear. Well, I feel like if it's like a CVS, I feel like they expect you're going to get like your full fucking change, you know, like a like a chain or something like that. I don't know if it's like a mom and pop spot. I feel like it's a very big keep the change spot.

Yeah. I feel like people don't do keep the change at like the grocery store. Right. Right. A chain restaurant. I see what you had. Chain. Anything.

Yeah. Yeah. I wanted to be like, I see it. I know I'm not bending over. Just spit at it. Yeah. I should have spit on his hand, slapped him in his face, picked up the quarter, and jammed it in his mouth.

Held his fucking chin closed. It's your quarter now. You know what that reminds me of? You know what I did? I just bent over and picked it up. You did? Because it was like, I'm not going to. And now that quarter is where? It wasn't used for anything.

No, it's probably still being in my pocket. Oh, I think I have it.'s probably still be in my pocket. I think I have it. I thought I had changed my pocket earlier. The only time I'll take change is in my car. Then you just throw it in the cup holder. Yeah, click, click, click, click. Yeah.

And then, I don't know, when you sell your car, it's an added bonus. This car is like $10,000 in 70-point seats. There's about $1.90 in change in there, too. I couldn't make a big public stink to this guy who clearly values the quarter. He clearly values the quarter. Enough to stop someone in their tracks who's clearly avoiding them, yell at them so they could hear music through the headphones, and tell them to pick up the quarter.

So I wasn't going to be like, yo, fuck you, man. So I was like, it was like Billy Madison. I was like, thank you very much, Miss Lippy. Thank you very much for pointing out this thing I'm clearly trying to avoid. You know when I stopped chatting about quarters? And this actually goes back to what we said about branding and things like that. When you change a can, that's my beer now. Yeah. When they started putting the states on quarters,

and you could get that cardboard thing that you could collect them all, and you put it in there. Each state had the one quarter you put in. I remember that, yeah. I don't think I ever completed it, but that was a big thing for me for a good three weeks. You were a big coin guy, huh? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I had a nerdy coin moment. They released it in a handful of states at a time, about four states at a time. It was almost like to get the McDonald's pieces. Oh, shit, I got South Carolina. Fuck. You made money a game for a child? Not even stock markets?

I'm not even Robin Hood? I'll fucking, I'll handle this thing right in there, and then, yeah, it probably disappears. You know what? Like all other changes, probably in my room somewhere. Yeah, I mean, I remember having visions of like, that board's going to be worth. All right, there's 50 quarters on there. That's going to be worth like $50,000 soon. But the only time change is fun is when you flip your couch cushions.

Because then it's kind of like. That's a game. It's kind of like finding buried treasure. Oh, look what's down here. One time I was moving out of my apartment in New York. My first time living in New York. So this is probably nine years ago, I think. That's when you needed to change, bro. I didn't find change. I found a pill.

Took it. Ended up being Molly. Jack! Moved out of my apartment. So fucking zooming on Molly. It was wild. It was wild I told my I told my roommate He came in

He was carrying a box downstairs Or whatever Something like that Yeah he told my roommate I was like Dude I found a pill in the cushion What'd you do with it? I fucking took it

He's like Yeah I can tell man It's very obvious I took the fuck out of it He's like, yeah, I can tell, man. It's very obvious. I took the fuck out of it. Yo, it's the one thing. If you're like, yeah, this is probably like a Xanax. I don't know.

Maybe this is a painkiller. If you know that you're fucking around with Molly a lot in your apartment, this might be a downer or it might be a goddamn psychedelic fucking night's fucking rock. Fourth story walk-up. I was out of that apartment in seven minutes. Moving on Molly. That's the only way to make it tolerable, dude. Moving in New York City.

Pops a fucking MDMA and rocks. Ended up going to get, like, went to Atomic Wings with him and his girlfriend after. Me just sitting there trying to pretend I'm not on Molly. Oh, yeah. That's great. Bye. Bye. It's noon on a Wednesday.

But yeah. Yeah, no. Another one. Another one. Hot wings. Hot wings. With the blue cheese. Oh, man.

Excuse me. Can you let's turn the music up in here, please? I love this song. This song is great. You guys like this song? It's a great song. Oh, my God.

Fucked up. The good old days. The good is great. You guys like this song? It's a great song. Oh, my God. I'm fucked up. The good old days. The good old days. Think about what has to go through a person's mind to just find a pill. You went in blind, dude. I didn't even Google it, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Nowadays, I find a pill.

I Google it, at least. You do the pill identifier, bro. Yeah, we've all been there. I was just like, I'll take it. See what this is all about. Dude, I mean, that could be like a muscle relaxer that zonks you out. You could be on a fucking Kalana pin. Who knows?

It could be anything, yeah. All things considered, probably one of the better pills it could have been for me. True, very true. If you're moving out of an apartment. That's like 22 for you. 22, you find a pill, you pop it. 32, you find a pill, it's it. 32, you find a pill, it's the one you've been

prescribed by your fucking therapist. That's life now. You don't even need the pill anymore. I know what this is. I missed it Tuesday, I remember.

I knew I was one short. I had a super bad day on Tuesday. All right, let's get to these voicemails. They're brought to you by Felix Gray.

You probably don't realize it. Actually, you do realize it. I realize it. This says that Americans are looking at their screen. How many hours a day do you think Americans look at their screen? How many hours do we wake? 18? Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, this is 11. Mike, double that, bro. Wrong. The only time I'm not looking at a screen is right now. Yeah, and this is like... The hour and a half a day we're recording something, two hours a day we're recording something. Yeah, but you know what?

I don't understand what the problem with looking at a screen is. Just the light? I don't know. There's lights on in this room. What's the problem? Yeah, but these lights aren't hitting... If we just stared at these lights like this, that'd be a problem, right?

I don't know. How often are you just staring at lights? Well, I guess 21 hours a day on my computer. Yeah, I guess so. I get it. I get it. I'm just saying that like... I. All I'm going to do is staring at lights. Well, I guess 21 hours a day on my computer. Yeah, I guess so. I get it. I get it. I'm just saying that like, I feel like fucking TVs used to be, you look at a TV now, it's like clearer than human life.

Yeah, but I think it's just the- So I'm like, you know, I was looking at you all, it's just having your eyes open can be a problem? But you're not, I'm not being illuminated right now. Yeah, I get it. I'm not projecting illumination. You're shining, babe. You're bright. I did put on some Juergens glow this morning. You did? You did it again? Let me see your hands. Yeah, I get it. I'm not projecting illumination. You're shining, babe.

You're bright. I did put on some Juergens glow this morning. You did? You did it again? Let me see your hands. No, I didn't. I lied. I love it. That's entirely possible.

Also things. Oh, yeah. No, the only reason I don't have it is because I forgot my dop kit at my buddy's wedding. Your what? Dop kit, like your toiletry bag. That's called a dop kit? Yeah. Yeah?

You? No. Yeah? You? No. I've never heard that word in my entire life. I can always see the best thing about having someone from your family work where you work is, like, everything I think he's going to think and everything he's heard. I promise you we have never heard the term dop kit. D-O-P? Does it stand for something?

I don't know. It's just something. Never heard it. All right, your toiletry bag. But the, yeah, the only reason I forgot it, so I don't have it right now and I haven't know. It's just something. Never heard it. All right, your toiletry bag. But the, yeah, the only reason I forgot it, so I don't have it right now, and I haven't stopped to get it. So I'm also using the detergent, the deodorant, where it's just gone. Scraping it on.

Yeah. Oh, man. It's the best and the worst. It's like Kramer driving on E. It's like, I'm going to get another day of this shit. The OPP derives from the early 20th century leather craftsman Charles Doppett. Oh, yeah, no. Obviously, it's a early 20th century leather craftsman Charles Doppett. Oh, yeah.

Now, obviously, it's a Dopp kit. Yeah. Fuck Charles Doppett. My leather craftsman over here. Logan knows what's up. Well, get yourself a nice Dopp kit. Keep your Felix Gray glasses in it because you can protect your eyes from those bright screens that we stare at anywhere between 11 and 23 hours a day. They also, you know, it helps your eyes, but it also is handcrafted

from premium Italian material, so you're not going to look nerdy. You're going to look sharp. They got different colors, different frames, different lenses, the whole nine. They're available in non-prescription, prescription, and readers, so they got it all covered, and you get free shipping and free returns, so there's nothing to lose. Don't go another day looking at screens without the help

of some Felix Grey. Go to FelixGreyGlasses.com slash KFC to protect your peepers. That's FelixGray.com. Sir BC, just got a quick hypothetical for you. If you could be known for any accomplishment in the history of man that no one knows, like for a man to make fire or a man who invented the wheel what would it be? Thanks.

If you could be known for one accomplishment but you're not known. That's stupid. My grandma ran around town telling people that she invented the electric screwdriver. No you didn't grandma. I invented no filter. Alright let's just go. I invented no filter.

All right, let's just go with you invented no filter. Remember that? That was for a long time. I just said that forever. It was probably when we were on the Blackout Tour. It's a good one. And I just say it all the time. I was the first person to ever hashtag no filter.

I wore that. You're also responsible for responsible for Tinder Oh yeah I mean you are You are responsible For so much fucking So much sex Stemmed from Feidelberg Putting Tinder on the map

Yeah In what is arguably The best free advertising That has ever happened Yeah You should have got A boatload of money You should be so rich

For so many things I know I have a lot of good ideas Yeah I'm good Just don't be so rich for so many things. I know. I have a lot of good ideas. Yeah. I'm good. Just don't be listening. The only people listening to John.

It's crazy. How many push-ups can you do on Tinder was fire. I forgot how I invented Tinder. Yeah. Not invented, but made Tinder a thing. I mean, you couldn't even go on it. You were so popular on Twitter with the fucking joke on Tinder that you couldn't even be on it. It was kind of, it kind of ended up being, it was almost like a first Saturdays with

the boys where girls kept saying, you know, I'm so sick of Saturdays with the boys. Girls would always say, I'm so sick of guys on Tinder asking me how many pushups can I do. It's not even that fucking funny. I don't even fucking get it. I'm six. I don't know. I'm a girl.

Dave wrote a blog being about his best pickup lines. Feidelberg's so dumb. He thinks that how many push-ups can you do would be a thing. It was a thing, bud. Give it 24 hours, David. It was a fucking thing. Yeah, why don't you listen to Feidelberg when he puts out viral sensations?

Yeah, I mean, let's say known. Because otherwise, if I'm not going to get credit for something, I'm not going to do anything. Nothing. Well, he wasn't saying invented. He was saying get credit for an invention. Okay, so you don't actually have to invent it.

You just want to get the credit? That's what I think the hypothetical was, yeah. I remember those Tinder fucks. You know why I'm still getting hot again? I remember those Tinder fucks went to the New York Times and said, for some reason, we're huge in the Northeast, particularly Boston. Shocking. You know why, you son of a bitch. Say why.

You literally know the name, the company, the person, everything. Why? You should just make an app called How Many Push-Ups. Bring it back, and it'll just be Tinder. Just call it Push-Ups. Push-Ups. Just call it Push-Ups. It kind of sounds sexual anyway.

How many push-ups did you do with her? I don't know. Ooh, okay. Right? Right? Yeah. We'll make the logo like a pair of tits and a push-up bra. It's great.

Done. You know what I think I'd take? I think I'd take built pyramids. Oh. Because everyone doesn't know how they got there. Well, I was going to go. I built them myself. I mean, I was thinking if I could get credit for something, I would want to be the guy

who discovers aliens. Okay. Yeah. For the future. Right. I was thinking if I could get credit for something, I would want to be the guy who discovers aliens. Okay, yeah. For the future. But making the pyramids kind of like alien-esque. Be like, nope, it wasn't aliens. It wasn't even slaves. It was me.

It was just me. How did this one man build the pyramids? Right, that's a whole new thing. I did all of it. I did all the wonders. It was like Buddy the Elf overnight in Macy's. He just made the whole fucking thing. What's the name of the mage. All the rocks just standing up. Stonehenge. Stonehenge.

Yeah, that one is a little more believable for a single person. I mean, neither of them are. They're like 25,000 pound stones. But a whole fucking pyramid. That was done by two million Jews. Not one guy. But Stonehenge, I could see if someone came out and was like, it was me, I'd be like, how did he do that?

That's possible, right? He just put up a bunch of blocks. See, I'm trying to think what else would be a good one. Inventions are different than like. I invented the little click thing in gas pumps. You know how it sucks to sit there and hold it? That's a great one. You should just start telling people that.

You're just not old enough for that, but you should just tell people that. Yeah, invent the thing that makes you. The thing that lets you go inside and get a tin while you're filling up your gas tank. It doesn't always work, though. It's just that some states have it. It's illegal. Massachusetts doesn't have it. So maybe they removed the little lip or something like that?

Yeah, they took them all out. So I'll jam a tin in there. I'll jam my wallet in there. Jam something. You're not going to make me hold this fucking handle. You're fucking pricks. I'm going to stop scrolling Twitter for three minutes. You got another thing coming.

Fucking American government. I knew. Or state government. I knew multiple people who said that they knew someone who invented the pizza table. Oh, okay. Which is, that's how you know it's like an urban legend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, wow, my friend from high school and my friend from college both said that.

You're both lying. Mm-hmm. I invented little plastic things around laces. This kid's got great ideas. I mean, could you imagine in the beginning people were just trying to put ropes through holes? This is so hard. Someone's like, I'm going to put a little plastic in it.

My idea. I started with clear tape. You know how it used to be when little plastic in it. My idea. I started with clear tape. You know how it used to be when you were a kid? Yeah. You wrap it with clear tape because you fucking couldn't get new sneakers yet.

Yep. And I realized, you know what? There's a thing here. I'm going to do plastic. Didn't you used to tell people that our family invented the coffee sleeves?

Keep the coffee, like the hot coffee? No, but that's a great one. Somebody I know. Somebody I knew lied about that. No, that is a really good one because that could be like Starbucks and all that shit really started to pop off in our lifetime.

You know what I mean? Like coffee. I feel like big coffee really went wild. I think it would be funnier to have something like that because the pyramids – I mean I guess you're getting – I still don't really understand the question. Are you getting credit or are you not? I think it's boring if there's no credit. If you couldn't invent one thing but nobody knows, then it takes everything out of it. Yeah, well, doing something for the joy of giving to the world?

Pass. Coley once told me this, and I feel like we debunked it, but I can't remember. We're going to have a mixtape on the show next week, so I can ask him about it. He said that the guy who, there's some black entrepreneurial guy. He bought the Weather Channel, which is just a wild move. He's not like a weatherman, but he just had bank, and he was like, I'm going to buy the Weather Channel, because motherfuckers watch that all the time, and it's worth like a zillion dollars now. He also said that that man controls all of the parking cones and that you have to rent them out from him. Like construction companies, municipalities, everyone's got to give him like a dollar a

cone or something, Coley said. And we started to look it up and I think there's something to it. It's not like that you rent all of the world's parking cones from this one cat, but it was a story he was spinning and I was thinking to myself, if you were the orange cone kingpin, you would have big money. That's outrageous. Yeah, it's something stupid like that.

But also, buy on the Weather Channel. Great fucking thing. I'd like to be the guy who invented self-storage. What's that? Oh, like you buy a pod? Just like, yeah, those things you see. I think I read something going back to 1967.

There was zero square feet in the country that were dedicated to self-storage. And now it's just a massive business because none of us throw shit out anymore.

And we all live in tiny-ass fucking places. Crazy. Well, you said the greatest inventions were air conditioning and the remote control, right? Yeah, but I mean, you can't claim those.

But imagine if like with social media and everything nowadays, if like air conditioning hadn't been invented yet. Like think about like Elon Musk making an electric car. He's like super famous. If you made air conditioning, everybody was always hot. I'm just going to make the weather. I'm going to control the climate. Windshield wipers. We talked about it, bro.

I'm going to control the climate. We talked about it, bro. I'm going to invent windshield wipers. Almost you can add on everything to the car. You know what I mean? Like the windshield. Right. The fucking roof.

At first it was just like you're out in the elements. I'm going to put a top on this thing. It's a Foxworthy style. None of the wasps are going to get me. Yeah.

What's up, boys? I got a hypothetical for you. How much money would it take for you to never be able to use the Internet again? And obviously, yes, that does include Netflix, Amazon, everything. I said just for reference $100 million. So, all right, Viva. I mean, it has to be a sum of money that can bring you unlimited amounts of entertainment and joy because – I don't know if it exists. Yeah, like the limit does not exist because, like, there are things in this world that are priceless, and they all happen on the internet.

Yeah, yeah. Like, they all happen. Imagine – Like, those moments where shit really pops off like when tiana trump and and britney renner got together they were coming out yet uh no but then there was a follow up tweet where she said like breaking news britney renner sucks better dick than me i was like yes i mean there's not a dollar amount you could put on on that no i i don't i mean imagine just it's it's honestly it's not even you can change the word from internet and you can sub pop culture.

Right. It's like, you just wouldn't be able to like relate, talk, socialize, anything. Did you see this? No, I didn't. You want to watch it? I'm not allowed to. You want to go back to my mansion? Like, I'm just going to sit at my house and fuck around the internet.

Right. You know, it's like some things. But I got a pool and a giraffe. I have six giraffes so you guys are swimming in my pool right now. Yeah, dude. Is it a Thanos meme a giraffe. I have six giraffes, so you guys are swimming in my pool right now. Yeah, dude, is it a Thanos meme? Pass. I'm good, thank you very much. Have you seen porn, bro? I'm all good on the giraffes.

Thanks. Yeah, I don't think there's anything funny today. I don't think there's anything that you can really – No. But, I mean, but, you know, if someone threw $100 billion on the table, you're instantly Jeff Bezos.

You know, like you're probably right that it will end up being a bad decision. Yeah, I'll take it. I'll take it and I'll end up – You'll ball out, maybe only for like a year before you regret it. But you'll ball out for a year. Yeah, no, that's true. I would take it. So what I would like to do – I would regret it, but you'll ball out for a year. Yeah, no, that's true. I would take it. So what I would like to do.

I would regret it. I would like an opt-out clause. Yes. I was going to say, I want like the LeBron contract, which is like I'll sign for like 10 years, but I get to opt out every two, even every one, to be honest. Maybe a monthly, like semi-annual type thing. I might need my internet back, but I would like to negotiate. Yeah. I'd also – because I think it would be an interesting experiment too just for myself to see – to kind of free myself from the chains of addiction. Yeah.

Whereas I think it would be – I'm flat out not allowed to do this. Well, I mean I've always thought about – It's like being a serial killer and you go to jail. I can't kill anymore. So what else am I going to do? Let's see what life's like now. Yeah. I can't look at the internet anymore.

I've always thought when we're all done with this fucking thing that it'll be like, I ain't going on the internet ever again. Yeah. But we're going to. Probably. The next day. But it'll feel better. I don't know anymore.

Because my life, my internet searching has changed so drastically since we started. Yeah. Where since we started, I had fucking 10,000 bookmarks, right? I looked at every website. And granted, I was doing a lot. It's not really the internet anymore. It's social media. Yeah. Where since we started, I had fucking 10,000 bookmarks, right? I looked at every website. And granted, I was doing a lot. It's not really the internet anymore. It's social media. Yeah.

I'm not looking at websites anymore. Right. So that's different. The only websites I go to now, I go to Reddit front page. I go to Twitter. I go to Instagram on my phone. I don't go to that on the laptop.

And then I go to Barstool. Netflix, Pornhub, Barstool. Right. And then it's just... Yeah. And even that's just open. I don't even get email anymore the laptop, and then I go to Barstool. Netflix, Pornhub, Barstool, Gmail. Yeah, and even that's just open. I don't even get email anymore because people – I didn't read emails for 10 years, and people finally get that. Okay, there's no point sending them to him. Jared just texted me the other day,

did you see my email about Lunchables? Nope. Nope. Nope. Hope it was good. Didn't see it. Won't see it. Not even going to go look at it now.

What did she say about Lunchables? She was just like, be careful. It's like, I don't know, we were sucking Lunchables' dick, so you're good. I had that fucking marinara pizza sauce all over my face. Next Voice Mail is brought to you by 23andMe. Stop Lunchables. The DNA testing.

Be careful. Lunchables came on me. Stop sales. Sell this shit. Get Kraft on the phone. What's the problem? Why don't you want to buy KFC Radio? What do you mean you couldn't sell it?

23andMe, though. 23andMe can offer insights into your ancestry, your health, your wellness, and all your traits. See me? I thought I'm just a white guy. Look at John. He's a big white guy. But there might be something in there. Brendan still hasn't removed his hands from his face. Woo, buddy.

We on one today, folks. Yeah, we are. We're tying one off, right? Woo. Oh, man. How about this shit? Okay. People always say, why do you need to know your DNA?

Why do you need to know your antitrustry, right? How about this shit? Okay. People always say, why do you need to know your DNA? Why do you need to know your ancestry, right? How about this? Your DNA influences your weight. Oh. Your sleep quality. Your caffeine intake. Your sense of taste. Maybe that's why you don't have any.

Maybe you're like Native American and they don't have any taste buds or something. Who knows? Who knows what it is? You might find out you're lactose intolerant because of your DNA. So, you know what's the old saying? You can't know where you're going until you know where you came from. You can't know who you're going to become until you know who you are and who you were. Maybe this whole time, maybe you're fat.

Maybe you're fat as shit. And you're like, oh, man, I can't lose weight because I eat fucking food all day. I get two pounds of chicken in the morning every single day. No, it turns out you're just fat because of your ancestry. There's nothing you can do about it. Kick your feet up, get fat, and be happy. Just call your mom every day and yell at her. You bitch.

I'm fat because of you. I can't sleep because of you. I'm lactose intolerant because of you, Dad. Then you have someone else to blame for your problems, and you don't have to worry about them anymore. That's the best. That is the best. If you can get yourself a little. Oh, and sympathy.

Don't forget sympathy. Oh, it's genetic. I'm sorry. Oh, he's got a problem. Done. I have a thyroid issue. Thank you very much. 23andMe is about to save your whole goddamn life.

Go to 23andMe.com slash KFC. That's the number 23andme.com slash KFC. That's the number two, three. A-N-D-M-E dot com slash KFC. Find out why you suck. Hey, guys. Have a quick question. Just got back home after a long Labor Day on vacation and found out my apartment completely flooded from the upstairs, caved in the ceiling, and everything's flooded and kind of fussed and i'm currently listening to your podcast and writing down how much i think everything costs for insurance and my question to you guys if god forbid this happened to you guys and you had like a flood or a fire and you had to

pick to replace something what's probably something that you would like vamp up the price on and also what is the one thing that you would replace and what are the things that you would buy to like do your ultimate like redo living room with a huge budget? Well, the first thing. Let me know your idea so I can use them for mine, Viva. The first thing I'm doing is throwing my kids in the puddle and being like, you got to replace these fucking things.

These things are priceless. I'm jacking up the price on the kids. Wait, first of all, real quick. I did this to someone once you did i did the uh cave left something running fuck up their apartment yeah i did it in that very apartment i was talking about when i moved out of yeah um it really didn't affect my apartment at all it's kind of the way my life goes it really is i i agree that's actually ultimately why you're not rich because you skate by on everything else so it's like well fine but

you're not gonna be rich for all your great ideas. It fucks with everybody else. But it always – I get out scot-free pretty much every time. What, did you just leave a fucking thing running? Well, what I did was I left – I was going to Newport. It was like the summer I was going to Newport every weekend. And one weekend I flushed the toilet. Friday night, Friday afternoon, flushed the toilet, ran out the house immediately.

Just kind of took a piss, ran out. Clogged. Clogged. And it was a piss. I didn't even take a shit or anything like that. So I would have no reason. My man's got a fucking strong stream. I clocked toilets with piss.

I would have no reason to believe that that was going to be an issue. So then. This is such a stupid episode. You've said so many dumb things this episode continue so then I I went to Newport

right partied Friday night got my freak on Saturday night freaky deaky Sunday morning wake up it's like 17 calls

I'm literally under a kitchen table that's where I'm sleeping I'm under I'm past it's like it's straight out of a movie where you're just like, I'm in my underwear, starfished

under a kitchen table. And I'm like, oh. What is it? Landlord's like, where are you? I don't even know who you are. And the answer, I don't know either. I'm under a table. I appear to be under a table of sorts.

I'm inside somewhere. What's going on? Water is flooding down the walls from your apartment. I said, it's not me. I'm not there. So what happened was it had gone down three floors. Holy shit. Right?

Just like ruined the walls of the people below me, shit like that. And she's like, it's $300,000 of damage minimum. Oh, my God. That's almost great, though. It's like, okay, well, it's also $30 bajillion trillion. I can't pay for that. So if you told me it was $3,000, I'd be like, oh, fuck. $300, whatever, lady.

I called my dad. Insurance. I said, Pops, what's the deal with my apartment? Because I am in a bad spot right now. Again, we're making about $400 a month. Right. $300,000. If Dave cuts the check.

$300,000. It's going to take me a long time to pay that one off. Yeah. And he said, oh, don't worry. I bought insurance for your apartment. Bam. But when you first moved in. He bought insurance.

It cost $5 a month. Yeah. Right? Insurance, when it saves your ass, is the best thing in the world. When you're just paying it every month, you're like, why the fuck do I do this?

And then that happens, you're like, yeah! Yeah, I had paid $60. Right, for years. After I called my dad,

the lady called me back, she said, what's the situation? I said, here's my insurance agent's number, call him. Talk to him.

And it wasn't my dad, he bought it from a different, he's a broker. Right. And I said, here's my insurance agent's number, call him.

I never heard another fucking thing. Yeah him. I never heard another fucking thing. Yeah, buddy. Never heard another fucking thing. Shout out to insurance. Either the greatest scam or the greatest service the world has ever seen. I was in college, and a pipe burst in our dorm room, my dorm room, like the whole hallway. And so there was like nasty sprinkler water. It's like black.

It's been sitting there for like 30 years. And the RAs came around and were like, oh, don't worry. Everything that's been damaged will be replaced. We were like, oh, word. We were probably like halfway through the semester. I started ripping open textbooks, wrappers that weren't even open. Splash, splash, splash. Got all my money from my books back. I was throwing clothes I don't wear in there.

They came in. They were like, why is this? Like, what? Did your dresser explode, too? I don't know. The sprinkler broke, though. Cut the check. It was great.

The textbooks were incredible. You know, textbooks, I can't even. They're probably like $500 now. They were like $1.20, $200 back then. It was like, I haven't even looked at this fucking thing. It was amazing. I don't own, I don't know maybe some sneakers i guess i don't yeah i have nothing in my life that is of value to me there's there's there's there's no like there's literally nothing i mean a laptop but i'd yeah i'd say you know give me a new give me a new macbook i guess i'd

probably get that through work even i don't There's really nothing that I would say this must be replaced. Yeah. I'm weird. There's things I won't throw away. But if it was taken away from me, I probably have, like, three sentimental shirts. Right. And, you know, like a friend's sweatshirt or something like that that I like. Yeah, well, you know what I call those things?

It's like it depends on how many times you've moved. How much is that really worth to you? Right. Because, like, one move, I'm like, I got to keep this stuff. Two moves, it's in the like. Yeah, well, you know what I call those things? It's like, it depends on how many times you've moved. How much is that really worth to you? Right. Because like, one move, I'm like, I gotta keep this stuff. Two moves,

it's in the trash. Yeah. So if you can make it through a couple moves, then it's really important to you. Yeah. Otherwise, it's going to garbage.

I probably have like three things that have made it through probably six moves. Okay, so those are the real deal. You can go to the fucking window And even if you lost those, I feel like you'd be like,

wow, I don't know, that sucks. Yeah, yeah. I don't have any, like, electronic, I don't know, my TV broke. TVs are cheap now. I have, I have.

Dude, let me tell you what. When I turn into a big boy and I have my own apartment, it's going to be so fire. I have, my room at home is just full of paintings and pictures and fucking frame shit that's so sick that I just don't even care to bring here because I don't give a fuck about my apartment. Oh, yes, my girlfriend from camp. Yeah, yeah, I get it. My other room is really nice. My other whole life is really fancy. No, they're not even hanging in my bed.

They're not even hanging in my bed. They're just sitting in the corner waiting for me. Waiting to be taken. Waiting for you to grow up. Waiting for me to grow up, yeah. Waiting for John to leave Never Everland. Yeah. Well, that apartment that we share is going to be dope.

Last voicemail of the day is brought to you by Lightstream. Have you ever looked at your credit card statement and been shocked by the interest rate? A lot of you are probably saying no, because you just haven't even looked at your credit card statement. You just get butt-fucked every month by it. But, yeah, right? But if you do open it up and you see the interest rate, you're going to be

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with every single loan that they fund. No big deal. Go to lightstream.com slash KFC. You're going to get a special discount on top of Lightstream's already low rates. That's L-I-G-H-T-S-T-R-E-A-M dot com slash KFC. My spelling cadence was all off there. L-I-G

H-T. Like, no, it's one word. L-I-G-H-T. Like, no, it's one word. L-I-G-H-T. Yeah. I want to give a special shout out to people on the phone who take the,

your credit card and they say, okay, after your four numbers. Oh, okay. Yeah? Yep. Because I'm like,

are you ready to, are you ready for more or not? And then I start and you say, okay, and that's all fucked up. One, two, three, four. Uh-huh.

Yep. Two, three, four. Uh-huh. Yep. Two, three, four. Okay. Thank you. I appreciate those people. I don't want to get annoyed when you leave a silence waiting for them to confirm that they have that. Go ahead. Yeah.

And next. Right. I wanted you to know, since you're some idiot who's taking down my credit card number at some shitty job, that you're writing down the phone number, the credit card number. Thank you. Last voicemail. Let's do it. KFC, Bytes, Super Producer, DC.

I was just wondering if you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life. Cartoon rules. What would it be? I'm talking about a head fake pause. I thought the computer cut out. I thought she fake pause. I thought the computer cut out. I thought she cut out. I thought she just passed out. What would it be?

I know my answer. This is much harder for you. This is impossible. You got to get this fit off, bro. You got to get the fit. Me, I'm going loungewear. Oh, no. Yeah, no, I'm going to make it Me, I'm going loungewear. Oh, no. Heavens. Yeah, no, I'm gonna make it work. I'm gonna make it work.

I'm gonna have some, like, high quality. See, like, if you're ultra rich, and you roll up like Diddy, if Diddy shows up in a fucking robe, you go, oh, shit. So you can make the loungewear work in all sorts of different places, and then I also get to be comfortable for the rest of my life. I also don't

do anything. So I don't really need to worry about my fits i'm gonna be doing nothing probably until the day i die so give me that comfort i'm gonna come here i'm gonna look like shit i'm gonna go home i'm gonna look like shit just give me like but again i want i need like the the thousand thread count type clothes where it's like why is that guy wearing pajamas oh because we're more than my fucking car. So I want one baller ass loungewear outfit forever. My buddy did that to go to

The Hunt years ago. And he bought, because everyone dresses up for shit like that. He bought like a $3,000 cashmere sweatsuit. That might be my answer. And it was so comfy. He might be my answer. It was so comfy. He meant to return it.

It was a joke. People are going to be like, what are you wearing? It costs way more than your whole outfit. It's not a joke that really people are going to like. I told him as much. The joke sucks. He didn't seem to like my take on it.

He got the tiniest little rip in the waistband. Couldn't return any of it. And then after that, he said, you know what? You were right. That joke was not worth it. But no, I've been trying to think about it. And I think. I mean, your style changes too much.

It does. What you pick right now ain't going to be good for you in like six months. Yeah, but so you got to go with timeless stuff and you got to go with timeless stuff that will work everywhere. Like a suit, right? Like a nice suit of some sort?

No, no, no. I was thinking black jeans and a long boxy t-shirt. But then when you need to go to a fancy event, you're in trouble. You're in black jeans

and a long boxy t-shirt. You can kind of fit in there. Steve Jobs it? Yeah. And then you go to a funeral? Oh, he's boring. There you go. So just go straight black.

Yeah. You're going Steve Jobs. Yeah. Well, he wore blue jeans with it. Okay. He wore blue jeans in the black turtle. But you know what I'm saying. Very basic.

Yeah, I think I would just go black on black because black is always going to be hot. It matches your soul and your heart. Yeah. Perfect answer. I mean, actually, both those answers very much reflect our personalities. That was a psychological test for that fake out girl. Hey, great job, man. That was a really good voicemail.

Voicemail of the day. All right, time to get into this interview with Ronnie Chang. It's brought to you by Kite. Are you tired? I can't believe Elon Musk hasn't figured out how to just have things have endless batteries yet. I mean, everything dying all the time. Although, you know what? Shout out to Elon Musk doing a little PR today.

All the Teslas. the Carolinas region before the storm comes have been given extended battery life. I guess because there's like a block on the battery. No, that's not good PR. That means he's just holding back the battery the whole time? Yeah, but I think that's Noah. That's what's done with it. I was reading on Reddit's front page today, I was reading kind of something about it. No, no,

I don't care what your spin is here. That is bad PR. It's only 75 megawatts or whatever, and they opened it up to 80. But then it's also... That means you could tell me that 5 megawatts could fund a whole fucking years with them. But the big thing isn't the opening of the battery, it's that those

cars will have free... You can pump up for free for the next month. Alright, that's good. So they can get out of there. But that whole I'm holding back your battery thing, that's like when Apple when they have a new phone comes out and all of a sudden yours sucks. It's like, well, why are you doing that to me? Dicks. Anyway, battery life is key.

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And you can get yours today at kitecharger.com and get $5 off for a limited time. So go to kitecharger.com, get $5 off on your vape charger and your vape pod holder, and let's talk to Ronnie Chang. Test, test, test, test, test, test, test. All right, it's a special edition of KFC Radio where we are joined by one of the stars of the smash hit Crazy Rich Asians. Ronnie Chang is in the building. What's up, man?

Thanks for having me, man. Absolutely. Thanks for joining us. I like your whole style. Thanks a lot. You don't know what I expected, but you changed. It looks like you got right off the plane from Hawaii and didn't even bother to switch back to New York mode. I basically got off the back to Hawaii. You changed. It looks like you got right off the plane from Hawaii and didn't even bother to switch

back to New York mode. I basically got off the plane from Hawaii. So, yeah, I'm still in Hawaii. I don't want to leave. So I just keep dressing. You got the aloha hat. You got the bright pink board shorts on. You're killing it, dude.

Yeah, dude. I mean, also, like, I don't know, maybe summertime. We're supposed to wear shorts, right? No, I don't have the legs for it. No? Nope. You see me in pants all day, every day. It's hot. Yeah, you're supposed to wear shorts right no I don't have the legs for it no you see me in pants all day every day

it's hot you're supposed to wear shorts we're just like self conscious about it Kevin's got a goddamn sweatshirt on also you guys are

professional you guys are in work mode so I'm like see the thing about us is you know work mode and professional don't really exist

you're not selling yourself short you guys are professional I appreciate that you're a professional man you appreciate that. I appreciate that. You're a professional, man. You've been doing, you got the comedy background,

daily show, now fucking movie star and a big time, I mean, a big time movie. The success of this movie is pretty staggering. I cried twice during it.

He cried? Oh, thanks. I did. I'm a crier, but I cried twice. You're fucking awesome. Because of the movie? Yeah, because of the movie.

Okay, cool, yeah. He was just sitting there thinking about his bad relationship with his parents. At least it made you think about something, I guess. I'm very happy that the response has been that good. It's my first movie project, so I don't really have anything to compare it with. But intellectually, you understand how hard it is for all these things to align, that you get cast into something. First of all, the thing you get cast in is good.

Then it's not only is it good, it gets made well. And then it gets, people get behind it. For those things to occur in this day and age, to penetrate pop culture with all the noise in 2018, that, you know, that's, it's basically trying to get into the NBA. Right. You got to go five for five or, you know, you don't know where it ends up. We've had Ken Jeong on before.

Oh, yeah? We've had Jimmy O. Yang on before. Those guys are the best. Who's funnier? Which one do you got to choose? Between those had Jimmy O. Yang on before. Those guys are the best. Who's funnier? Which one do you choose? Between those two? Come on, man. They're both very good.

Come on! Come on! Give me an answer here. No, they are both super funny. The real answer you should say is who fucking cares? I'm funnier than both of them. That's the Jordan answer. That's the sports answer. We've got a power ranking of funny Asian guys that have come on the show, so you have every opportunity now to take the throne. Yeah, I'm trying to take the lead on that.

I love to see you guys tweet that out as a power ranking of funny Asian dudes. I told Ken right to his face, I said, you're the second funniest guy on the show. He actually agreed, though. He said Jimmy. I mean, Jimmy is a special funny guy. Jimmy was telling us his stripper stories when he was a DJ at a strip club. I cannot believe he was doing it. By the way, we all get along really well.

The whole cast really became like close family. And we have this WhatsApp group chat going. That seems to be a theme that we've learned. The whole cast has a group chat. We had a roundup from Parks and Rec was telling us. And then what was the other one? Everybody that's been on a very successful show where we feel like, you know what? It seems like they get along.

It's true. And there's always a group text involved. And I was like, you know what? And I asked this to everybody. Maybe just like throw our numbers on there. To get in there. Go talk to Michelle Yeoh. Maybe like we're the only white guys in the group chat.

The most exclusive group chat in the history of the world. It is very now that you think about it but that's an interesting metric uh the correlation between a whatsapp group chat and the the amount of cast gels together that's interesting because you never know if you know maybe the product on screen was great but you've learned behind closed doors everybody hated each other or just like the show yeah but it does feel like there are certain shows where you really get the vibe, you know, they're not even acting, it's just like they're

just hanging out together and then there's always this group chat behind it. Yeah, and so, but the converse is true that I guess that if you don't have a group chat,

everyone hates each other. Have you worked on any, like I know on the Daily Show, no, I'm not asking to air anything out, but have you been on contentious shows or sets? I've been very lucky

that everyone I've worked with mostly has been great. The only times, because most of the time in stand-up, you're kind of on your own. So you're doing your own thing anyway. And then, you know, daily show is a very collegiate environment. My own TV show, I think I was probably the biggest dick on the show. So everyone else was super nice. Sorry, everybody. You've got to be on your own show. Come on, you've got to flex a little bit. Whose name dick on the show, so everyone else was super nice. Sorry, everybody. You got to be on your own show.

Hey, come on. You got to talk a little bit. Whose name's on the door? Get me the bagel. Wow, it sounds like, were you in the room when that happened? I just really want a bagel. They're outside right now.

That's a message to the control room. And the movie was genuinely a very, like, warm, like warm community. Well, that's good because it's the most racist movie out. Yeah. So it's nice that we don't hate each other. Right. That we externalized everyone else.

But in here, we're all great. But everyone else should die. We saw. Yeah. It's what the movie became. It's what it stands for. Round-eyed white men. Get out of here.

Yeah. He's sick of this shit. Get the fuck out. Have you watched the movie? I actually haven't seen it yet. I got two kids. He's sick of this shit. Get the fuck out. Have you watched the movie? I actually haven't seen it yet. I got two kids. I haven't gone to movies in 10 years.

Okay, well, I mean, if you're going to bring them for one, this was the feel-good one. So if you want them to forget about the world right now,

this is the feel-good one. That's why I go to movies. Forget about the goddamn world. What is your favorite rom-com? We were asking you to rank them. Dude, my favorite rom-coms, I guess when Harry met Sally, you got to be up there. Yeah, you got to list.

You got to list. Serendipity. Great one. One of my favorite ones. I don't know that one. Deep Cut, but that was one of my favorite go-to rom-coms. So you're a big rom-com guy, too. I'm a huge rom-com guy.

That is our, that was an awkward exchange. For you guys at home, it was a very awkward iPhone. No, no, my finger got caught in the wire. That's the only reason why it was awkward. No, my finger got caught. Whatever makes you sleep at night, Ronnie, it's fine. And you'll love this one. Wimbledon.

Wow. I love Wimbledon. Paul Bettany, Kirsten Dunst. Oh, wait. I've got to be honest. That movie sucked. That's not what I'm thinking I love Paul Bettany

but I wasn't thinking of Wimbledon what's the other tennis one Match Point you're thinking of Match Point Woody Allen but the Wimbledon

come on man sports movie and romcom yeah but like what it's what tennis I don't like tennis dude that is

that's the most American shit true story yeah but I mean you watch it even if you Dude that is That's the most American shit True story Yeah but I mean you watch it Even if you But that's a Great sports movie

You get behind him Even if you don't know Shit about the sport Like I watched a cricket One once Yeah I watched a cricket Sports movie It was in

It was Indian It was a Bollywood Cricket movie Legan And even that was killer As long as you get The right music And montage and moment, it doesn't matter what the sport is.

You get behind it. A good sports movie. NFL, dude. NFL, Gridiron is so foreign outside of America. But we still got behind Friday Night Lights, you know, any given Sunday. We're on the right fucking show right now. The movie, killer, and then TV show was good.

I would reverse those. I would say the movie's good, then TV show was good. I would reverse those. I would say the movie's good. The TV show is better. I mean, Tim Riggins just stole my heart in TV show. Who? Tim Riggins is the running back with an attitude. We are big rom-com guys to the point that we film the video that maybe

one day will come out. I don't know what we're doing with it. I mean, we have, I think there are rom-coms. I think there are com-roms. I think there are dram-roms. I think there are dram-coms. Because there are certain movies that it's like, you know, that the main focus is the romance and the relationship. And there are other movies

where the main focus is the comedy and just happens to be relationship-based. So we get deep with it. Like, Match Point would be a dram-rom. Match Point was not a rom-com. Match Point was dark. It was dope. What was that guy's name? He kind of disappears. Him and Scarlett Johansson.

Yeah, yeah. He's the guy in Mission Impossible 3. Is he? Yeah, yeah. He's also in Henry and whatever, the two doors. Yeah, the two doors. He's a handsome fella. I forget his fucking name, though.

I thought he was going to go on a real career. And then anybody out there who can't, you know, just admit, any guys out there who can't admit they like a good rom-com, I don't even want to deal with you. Would you call Crazy Rich Asians straight-up rom-com? Or maybe it's a drum-rom, rom-com-rom? It's straight rom-com. Good question. I think it's a rom-com.

I think it's definitely a rom-com. Like, the calm elements hit hard and then the rom elements hit hard. And, look, I'm biased, but it's very well made.

The story's well told. For something that's, you know, a trope, like, we all know what's going to happen in this general movie

to make, to enter that genre and to make it, there's something to be said about good execution. You know? And I also think, though, you know something to be said about good execution. You know? And I also think though, you know,

the reason I ask, because, you know, sometimes rom-coms, again, they're kind of cookie cutter and they're just like, it's a date movie. Take your girlfriend,

blah, blah, blah. But there is this like cultural impact of crazy rich agents where it feels like it's bigger than just a Matthew McConaughey type of rom-com. You know, it's like Black Panther was more than just a comic book movie because of how it was received.

Crazy Rich Asians, you see Chrissy Teigen put up that whole long post about how it was her and her parents and how much of an impact it has. So it's more than just... I think so. There's a lot of layers to it. There genuinely are a lot of layers to it, more than just a rom-com, quote-unquote

Asian rom-com. There's a lot of stuff going on there. There's stuff about Asian masculinity in there, about showing Asian men in a certain light. There's stuff about Asian Americans going back to Asia and reconnecting with this foreign culture that is supposedly their roots, kind of. But even then, it's not you know the nuances of it because Singapore is a specific country in Asia and you know you could be Asian American in Asia and have nothing to do with

Singapore just because it's in Asia so there's a lot of like basically kind of showing the nuances of these things which we'll never talk about because we when we say Asian American or even Asia, it's such a general block of, it's like a huge black box of things.

There's so much in there, you know, and it's really not a monolith. All these different cultures, you know, you got Japanese people, Koreans, Thais, Laotian, Cambodian, Chinese, Indonesian. So, and that's just you know in Asia then you have the American diaspora of that

and it's my point is like this is the first movie to attempt to even like dip their toe into that and try to tell people

like hey man like there's different types of Asians this is you know and just because you're Asian American doesn't mean you have any knowledge of

what happens in Asia because most of the movies set in Asia which is also another thing. It's just so easy being white. We don't have to be just regular ass white guys. Did you see, when I was like Googling this morning, just like I'm looking at different stuff. One of the headlines was the success of Crazy Rich Asians has Hollywood looking for more Asian centric stories. Are there a lot of Asian people in the world?

Man, you got me. Did anyone think to tell Hollywood? Yeah, this is news to me. All right, so if you could pitch us on an Asian-centric movie, or pitch Hollywood, not us, we don't have any power here. I got one for you. Asian quarterback. I was going to say, it's got to be sports-related.

I can tell you want to do a sports movie. Yeah, Asian quarterback. Asian quarterback would be, would it be, I mean, that would have to be. I mean, Lin Sanity, that could, Lin Sanity could be a movie. That was, that gripped the nation. You want to play Jeremy Lin? Yeah, I met Jeremy Lin. He's great.

I feel like you guys all connect. Oh, dude, do I, I thought you said, when you said. You want to play him? Yeah. I got to meet him recently. He's a really great guy. And he told me this funny story about how he gets, you know, it kind of ties into the Asian masculinity thing. People come up to him and look at him and go like, like they're fans.

They're not haters. They come like, man, you know, great to meet you. Love your work. And till today, he still gets people on the street going like, like, you know, but like I could I could probably take you one. You know, and he goes like, he goes like, dude, you know, but like I could, I could probably take you one-on-one. You know, and he goes like, he goes like, dude, well,

let's fucking go. No, he's like, we can do it, but we have to do it for $1,000. Like we have to play for money. And I'm like, I was like, yo, $1,000 is really cheap

to play one-on-one with Jeremy Lin. Like I'll play $1,000. I would lose. I lose every time, but I need to get to play the ball with Jeremy Lin. You got to up that amount to like 10 or something.

But that's it's interesting. I mean, it's not just a point about Asian men, but athletes in general. You know, the lack of respect we show, we talk the abilities of professional athletes. The way we talk about it. We've always said that I don't think they're humans. I don't think any professional athlete is a human. Especially once you meet them and you see them

the size basketball particularly if you ever get to sit like courtside or you get a real up close look at a game when you see how big they are and how quick they can move

how high they can jump it's like this is not human no they are superhuman they're mutants for sure Brian Scalabrini the white mamba challenge

yeah exactly the white mamba challenge where he's like alright anyone who thinks they can beat me. And it was like legitimately college basketball players were showing up and he was just fucking put on a clip. Crushed them. He made $60 million in the NBA.

He's a white guy. It's crazy to me. And the point is, yeah, the worst guy in the NBA is still better than 99.999999999999% of people who've ever played. Right. Of people who've ever lived at basketball, yeah. So you seem like a real big sports fan, huh?

Huge sports fan, man. What's your team? I got UFC. I got NFL. I can talk about those three things. Who's your team? For basketball? Yeah.

Basketball, honestly, I just love basketball. Like the sport, yeah. I feel like basketball, more than any other sport, has that with fans. Well, because they just have basketball. Like the sport. Yeah. I feel like basketball, more than any other sport, has that with fans. Well, because they just have the star power the most. So it's like you might be a fan of a particular team, but when Steph Curry comes of age and you watch him do his thing, you just want to watch that and see that unfold,

whether you're a Warriors fan or not. Yeah. I was never a bunch of basketball fan growing up, so I'm from Boston. You're from New Hampshire, right? Well, yeah, I lived there a little bit. You're from everywhere. How did that happen? How did I live in New Hampshire? Well, you were born in Malaysia, lived in New Hampshire, right? I mean, I live there a little bit. You're from everywhere. How did that happen? How did I live in New Hampshire?

You were born in Malaysia, lived in New Hampshire, went to college in Australia. Yeah, I was born in Malaysia, and then we went to New Hampshire because my parents went to college very late. Okay. And then they had two kids, and they went to college, so they brought us along. And then we were good immigrants because after my parents finished college, we went back to Malaysia. So we went. Oh, okay. So you're saying like that's how you ended up in Australia

so you're saying like that's yeah we left frowned upon if you just come and stay the good immigrants go back yeah the good immigrants go back and then we

I was in Singapore for like 10 years and then I went to Australia for 10 years okay so you're the Boston guy but no basketball

that's interesting Boston's a hockey guy I feel like you're one or the other in this world growing up it's kind of like you have to pick a side you're either hockey guy. But no basketball, that's interesting. Well, he's a hockey guy. I feel like you're one or the other in this world. Growing up, it's kind of like you have to pick a side. You're either hockey guy or basketball. And he's fine with it, but a lot of hockey fans hate basketball. I love that.

They're not tough. They're divas. The sport is soft. I love, this is someone else's joke, James Masters in Melbourne, Australia. So just to be clear, this is his joke. But he had a great one about how like, sometimes you love, it's so weird.

These guys who love sports so much, they want their sport to like beat other sports. Yes. Especially hockey. Yeah. It's so weird to me. The ratings aren't there

and the attention isn't there. They get defensive. Yes. It's like, you know, it's like, it's little brother syndrome. So they got that going. That's no doubt.

But you know, the sports center will have an hour straight of basketball highlights. You know, some scrub gets more attention than, you know, Sidney Crosby putting up a hat trick. They hate it. I gotta say, ice hockey, you know, again, I didn't grow up with it. I actually played it in Singapore, like, for like two weeks. Really? Of all places.

Singapore's the tropics, by the way. So to play ice hockey in Singapore is insane. And I think ice hockey, great to watch live. Live is killer. I do think it is the best live sport to watch. I haven't seen it in many basketball games, but I think hockey. Football sucks to watch live. Football just sucks to watch, man.

Last night, you watched that game last night? It was garbage. First of all, the game started at like 10.30, which I know is like an old man thing to say, but goddamn, that kickoff was like 9 o'clock, and then it just sucked. It was. I mean, obviously, with all the controversy and everything,

you know Goodell and the NFL was like, please just give us. They needed like a 42-40 barn burner, and they got the exact opposite of that. What was it, like 6-3? It was 6-3 at halftime, 18-12. I didn't know those were scores that happened in football. 18-12. 18-12?

What the fuck is that? They score 18-12 points. I mean, Julio Jones is there, but like not doing nothing. Matt Ryan's regressed. The Eagles. Ah, it was terrible. I was like forcing myself to watch it. There was only one game all of last season that had 26 flags.

First game of the year this year, 26 flags. 26 flags. There was only one game all of last season that had 26 flags. First game of the year this year, 26 flags. 26 flags. You almost got to put a call in at halftime and be like, fellas, put the whistle away. Come on, man. Jesus. You got a football team or you just watch the sport there as well? I'm watching it. But lately, football feels like it's like, you know, watching people eat poisonous hot dogs.

Like, you know, like, yo, you know, hot dogs are delicious, but I don't know if I can endorse this anymore. But, I mean, before this shit was going down, I guess I really liked the New England Patriots. My guy. Get the fuck out of here. It was a great interview, man. Nice to fucking know you.

But you cannot deny the strength of that franchise. No, of course you can't you cannot deny how well run they are I've read all the books education of a coach so what you just like greatness I love great

I love the philosophy of it's always on to the next it's very Buddhist it's always on to it's like fail succeed

that's cool tomorrow's a new day and that's kind of like at a daily show we kind of have that you know because it's cool tomorrow's a new day and that's kind of like at a daily show we kind of have that you know because it's like whatever we did that day

it's like okay that's cool good show not so good show whatever it is tomorrow's a new day we gotta keep going and so you don't you know

waste time patting yourself on the back too much yeah I guess we kind of who knew that we kind of subscribe to the Buddhist way a little bit yeah you can't I never thought of it that way

but it's funny when you know we get feedback from the internet trolls and way, but it's funny when, you know, we get feedback from the internet trolls and they hate and it's like, oh, well, they don't know

what they're talking about. But the minute that they say they like it, it's like, hey, this is awesome. These guys love it. You can't, either way,

if you're not going to listen to the hate, you can't listen to the praise either. Absolutely. Your own internal barometer, you know, and then the other thing

they do. Because guess what? Smarter than you, you motherfucker. The other thing they do really well is that they shut out the noise. I think there's a lot of noise in America in terms of media hype and all that,

and they do a good job of understanding. Just the way they approach the draft, for example. I think, obviously I'm speculating. I have no insight into the organization other than the three books I've read, which I'm not saying that proves anything. But I feel like the way Belichick approaches the draft is that he understands that the NFL draft

is essentially a crapshoot. And so he gives it the appropriate amount of time and energy, but not more than that, which I feel like the rest of the country kind of puts a lot of hype behind it. We prepare the sports packages with the guys you know looking up from like bowing

down their heads and looking up and telling them which university they're from and the combine and the blah blah blah and like hours of talking

because it's off season and I think Belichick understands that most of that time is wasted time and that you know he's seen so many drafts now that it's like

okay well you win some you lose whatever it doesn't matter some guys are quote unquote boss Some guys are, quote, unquote, boss. Some guys are success. You play your odds, and then that's it. You don't fucking sit down for months trying to figure it out. It's going to save your franchise.

He famously trades down all the time because he wants the most shots possible. The first round, I think, is like a 25% success rate or something like that. People think every one of the first rounds is already golden. Brad Bel rate or something like that. People think everyone in the first round is already golden. Brad Belichick's like, I'll take six in the second round. Trust me, as a Jets fan, I can promise you not every draft pick is even close to being a short. You're a Jets guy. Yeah. How do you go between Jets and Giants?

Is that just a coin flip? I always say I'm a Mets-Jets fan. You don't choose that life. It chooses you. The Mets were kind of. Right. You don't choose that life. It chooses you. And it's, you know, the Mets were kind of passed down from my mother. And then I just found,

I don't get people who mix and match people who are like Yankees, Jets, Mets, Giants. They don't make sense to me because, you know, I didn't know this. It's like a lifestyle to me.

So like, like baseball season. Yes, exactly. We're losers. And we spend our time defending our team. Fuck! But then the calendar flips

and you become a Yankee fan, and all of a sudden you're like, Mr. Cocky? It's like, no! You gotta be, you gotta like, bleed this through and through.

So I don't get the people who mix and match. But when you won the World Series, you must have been happy about that, right? The Mets? Well, I was one year old.

No, they... They went to the World Series. Oh, yeah. They lost in heartbreaking fashion. Right. So, they led for 92% of the series and somehow almost got swept. Yeah. So, yeah, very on brand.

On brand for you guys to keep, yeah. Every time you say that, I'm like, so what? Everybody says, well, why are you complaining? You were just in the World Series a couple years ago. Well, because it was literally almost mathematically impossible to lose in the manner in which they did. What's interesting is that when I moved to New York, when I moved to America, the Mets made the World Series, so I feel like

I should be a Mets fan. Yeah, you should. No, actually you shouldn't. I don't want to... Don't do that to yourself. It's the worst. From what I've seen it do to him in the last 10 years. It's brutal. It's not just losing. It's embarrassing. It's stupid. It's little brother. And then the worst part is that, because there's plenty of bad teams.

I always argue with Cleveland fans and Minnesota fans. But they don't have in the city another team that's the fucking best of all time, just rubbing in your face all day long. So I'm like a loser in my own city. At least if Boston ever gets bad again, you'll all be losers together. And you kind of, that's it. Here it's like every single bad again, you'll all be losers together. That's it. Here, it's like every single day you just get made fun of. I mean, the Knicks as well.

The Knicks are just the worst team in all sports. I was a big fan in the 95, man. That was the best I ever got for the Knicks. They still never even won them. You could get behind that team. They felt like underdogs all the time, even though they kept winning.

They were grimy, tough, brawl fights. Houston, Sprewell, Charlie Wood, Chris Charles, Marcus Camby. My guy. He knows. He knows what's up. Camby went. The Camby man. Dude, he went like with a broken back.

He went against Duncan and Robinson without any other center. He's essentially like a small power forward going up against the two. It was crazy, that whole series. It really was. They were an eight seed, man. Yeah, that was crazy. That whole season was strange. They got that fucking floor mopped, but whatever.

I don't know what the fuck we're talking about. The hockey guy over here doesn't do his basketball. I follow basketball now, but at 95 I was not much of a basketball guy hockey guy over here doesn't do his basketball I follow basketball now but at 95 I was not much a basketball guy and also I went to I went to like a bar my first month in New York three years ago

and I was in this bar and then this guy come this anyway long story short he's like the grandson of Howard Cosell yeah

yeah legendary and he gave me he said hey if I give you a Rangers puck will you become a Rangers fan and I was like alright and then he gave me a box so now I guess puck, will you become a Rangers fan? And I was like, all right. And then he gave me a buzz.

I was a Rangers fan for the first six years of my life, right? Messier, right? Yeah, I was a huge Messier guy. In fact, the 94 Stanley Cup was a very difficult time for me because Messier, the Rangers were my team, but Pavel Bure was my favorite player, the Vancouver Canucks. And the Rangers were cursed. I don't remember what the curse was.

54 years. They had some kind of curse. I went nuts when they won the Cup. I was jumping around. I had Rangers all over my room. My aunt had even written me a book or made me a coloring book of John Henry winning the Stanley Cup for the Rangers. Wow. And I woke up the next morning and it was all gone.

And my dad, I went downstairs. My dad's like, you're a Bruins fan now. It's time to be a Bruins fan. Oh, really? I was letting you do your childhood bullshit. Good parenting. But now you're a Bruins fan now. Wow.

Did not see the ending coming. Not seeing you celebrate in my house a Stanley Cup that I didn't win anymore. Oh, but it wasn't against Bruins, right? No, it wasn't against the Bruins. You see your son going hard for the Rangers and your team and your boss. It's an original six team. Yeah.

And I was happy to make the change and I'm very happy with my team now. Yeah, I worked out pretty fucking well. Son of a bitch. Yeah, that's really funny.

If you could, would you, you know, you have a great stand-up career, daily show, now branching into movies, very successful in the world of acting.

Sounds like you're pretty big into sports, though. Yeah, I love it. Would you give that all up for a life in sports, a professional life of broadcasting, or maybe kind of what we do, or analysts, or something like that? I don't know. You're talking to me. I just turned 33, so I'm pretty set with my brain now. Yeah.

So I'm pretty comfortable with what I'm doing. Stay put. If I'm very, pretty comfortable with what I'm doing. So I, you know, stay put. But I mean, the thing is like you, I guess the cool thing with comedy, you can talk shit about sports.

It's not mutually exclusive. No, absolutely not. I mean, our entire existence is sports and comedy, really. I mean, if you,

if you ask me to play it, I mean, I don't know. I don't know. It's interesting, right? I play basketball not very well.

I still play it not very well. So yeah, I mean, are you still doing the standup? Yeah, yeah. It's interesting, right? Did you play? I played basketball. Not very well. I still play it. Not very well. So, yeah. I mean. Are you still doing stand-up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's my primary profession. I still do it, you know, three times a night, you know, going out at least.

Are you here? Yeah, I live in New York. Okay, cool. Yeah, I'm a New York dude. So I just go out and do stand-up all the time. That's how I, you know, that's how I stay sharp. That's how I just. How many nights a week do you do a stand-up?

Ideally, it would be every night. I'm out. We just interviewed Jeff Foxworthy two days ago. He was telling us for eight years straight, he was doing 500 shows a year. Yeah, sure. I can believe that. That's crazy. At some point, it's just a weird obsession to do that.

You don't make money. It actually takes away from your health. It's not like a drug right for the laughs like you just need yeah it becomes this weird obsession and and uh it's pure passion honestly because when you're doing other stuff other than stand-up like stand-up is the easiest thing to not do because oh yeah you can just stay at home and absolutely don't come we are like very very lightly dabbling in the world of like live podcasts not standard routines but uh and and he my producers are always pushing me like why don't we book this date and do this place

and i'm always like yeah they're like maybe next month it's so it's so nerve-wracking it's so hard i honestly think it's like maybe the hardest thing period to do so it's so easy to just say like i'm good yeah i mean i think i think I think everyone's job is hard. I mean, what you guys do is hard. Every day having to talk for whatever. Yeah. Yes, it is. You're just sitting here.

I do the hard part. How long? What, three hours? Well, I do two hours of radio. We'll do at least one hour of podcasting every day. That's hard, man. Yeah. I mean, it all starts to stack up.

Yeah. So everyone's job is hard. I'm just talking. Yeah, I mean, it all starts to stack up. So everyone's job is talking. Yeah, it's like, again, it's just something you're just born with. We said that the other day. We probably did three interviews the other day. We did a rundown. We did a bunch of shit and was leaving this room at the end of the day, and I was like, God, I haven't shut the fuck up.

I know. I know. It is exhausting. There are times I'll get together with friends and they're like what's wrong you're being pretty quiet I'm like I'm just

done with talking I'm off the clock that's why I'm just going to be silent for the next couple hours that's really funny when you start telling yourself to shut the fuck up

is when you probably turn a corner on something yeah but yeah so comedy is high everyone's job is really hard to make content we did a I don't even want to call it a live show Yeah, but yeah, so, you know, comedy is high. Everyone's job is really hard to make content. We did like a, I don't even want to call it a live show by any means.

We had clients come to a bar and we all kind of were giving them a little sample of what we do. And we got up there. And again, because we're kind of conversationalists. We're not very like jokes, you know. So within like, I don't know, maybe like 17 seconds, we completely lost the crowd. They were all just talking amongst themselves. It was just this like murmur that like nobody even could hear us. And I was just like sweating and looking around. I was like, this is going so poorly. Wait, were you recording that?

Uh, did we record it? No, thank God. Thank God. There's no evidence. Corporate's always weird. Yeah. And it was like half our, our-workers, half these people who don't know us and I just, I guess at this point you don't bomb anymore,

right? Yeah, I mean, it depends. You know, people, if you try a new joke, maybe you're in a venue

that's like just shitty. Right. Yeah, but you know, the more you do it, the more you get experience with it and you stop reacting

emotionally to like, because you felt, you've seen it before, you're like, I know what this experience with it and you stop reacting emotionally to like ads. Because you've seen it before. You're like, I know what this is. Bell check, man. Right? Oh, I didn't realize. It's good. It's bad.

Just keep it going. Yeah. I think the one thing with experience is like you recognize the energy. You're like, oh, I've felt this before. Like, oh, yeah, I know what this is. And you don't overreact to it. You're like, oh, yeah. Interesting.

Because I think when people talk about the you know experience of stand-up for me that would mean i've just bombed enough times that it doesn't bother me anymore right hopefully forget about learning your craft and execution of the joke it's just like well i'm not gonna go home and cry when they don't laugh right because it's happened a thousand times yeah hopefully it's uh not bombing to the point where you don't care about bombing anymore, but it's bombing to the point where it doesn't, like you get why you bombed and then you don't fix it.

You don't get emotional reaction to it. I mean, but that's being professional, right? Even with you guys doing a show, you know, whatever it is, you don't get emotional reaction afterwards or you don't get something that overwhelms you where you can't do your job anymore. But yeah. We don't get something that overwhelms you where you can't do your job anymore. But, yeah.

Yeah, we don't at all. And it's funny you say that because yesterday Keith was, like, freaking out about, like, things he said. And we're like, whatever we said is fine. Sometimes we say, you know, we'll push the envelope or say something we shouldn't. Right. We're used to it. You say the N-word. Well, we did.

We talked. The question was if you could go hypothetical. If you could say the N-word, would you say it? And he just said it. And he's like, oh, I probably should have said that. And you guys were like, ah, no. It was if you could go into the past and change one event or if you can go into the future. Not go into the future, but just pocket that.

Right. You could be able to change something in the future. Such a complicated metaphysical question. And then what would the thing, but just pocket that. Right. You could be able to change something in the future. Such a complicated metaphysical question. And then what would the thing, what would you change? Right. So you know, we started talking Holocaust and 9-11 and slavery.

And at one point our co-worker said he would stop the Holocaust but only after it started a little bit so you get credit for being a hero. So he was like. He is Jewish. He's Jewish. I'd let a few of them die and then I'd be the hero. Who thought that question?

So our show is we get a lot of callers. We don't do live callers. They call and leave a message. These are usually people who are high or drunk. I love that question because that's the logical conclusion is you go to Holocaust and then once you talk about that the guy who asked that question was trying to end the show The way he asked the quote was brilliant

What would you change in the past and you get the guys us fucking assholes talking about the Holocaust? You know all of the job Sports I said Unless you know all of the jobs. Because we said some shit about that. I let Keith do all the Holocaust stuff. I went sports. I said, But if you go sports, people go with you like, really? And you're going to go with a baseball? I was like, I don't care about Hitler. I don't want to talk to you.

And then you lose your job. And then you lose your job because you didn't care about Hitler. Either that or we get a raise around here. You never know. No, I actually admire the Pandora's box, that question. No, the Trojan horse, that question was. Seems like a fun hypothetical. Yeah, but then actually, yeah, everyone gets fired.

That's awesome. That guy's awesome. That's awesome. I'm going to do that for shows I hate. Oh, it was you who was, it was like, you know, like if you go back and kill baby Hitler, really, you're just. Killing a baby. You're just, as far as history is concerned, you're just a baby killer. You can't go back and be like, no,, you're just... Killing a baby. You're just... As far as history is concerned,

you're just a baby murderer. You can't go back and be like, no, no, no, listen, guys, I promise, this guy grows up to be the most prolific mass murderer ever. Okay, baby killer, you're going to jail.

Yeah. Shout out Joe Mackey who has a joke about this as well. Does he? Yeah, yeah. Who's it? Joe Mackey, yeah. You gotta check this guy out.

He looks very own. So are you still on the circuit? Can people find you? Yeah, yeah. Joe Mackey. You gotta check this guy out. He looks very own. So are you still on the circuit? Can people find you? Yeah, yeah. I've picked out a lot of tour dates the last half of the year. So come on my website. So I'm going to do a lot of out-of-town gigs.

So I'm going, you know, a lot of California stuff, San Diego, San Jose, Brea. I think I'm doing like Florida, Tampa, Orlando. The movie came out and I picked up a lot of dates. Let me ask you this. Is Crazy Rich Asians... We know that for a fact.

Is it like killing in Asian countries right now? That's a great question. Is it an Asian American thing? Which goes back to my previous point about how it's, you know, Asian American, this movie isn't... Just because it says Asians in it doesn't mean everyone was necessarily going to like it. So in Asia, it's doing really well, but it hasn't been released in China yet,

which is the big market. So there you go. I mean, can you measure success in Asia without China? Yeah, but other countries, it's going really well in other countries, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Singapore, where it's set, Malaysia, it's the number one movie. That's pretty great, though. You're making all this money and you haven't even opened up to

china yet yeah i mean it's a it's a china's interesting one to try to gain to because they're very controlling with what movies can go in yeah and how they're portrayed right you know they don't crazy crazy rich us yeah so yeah so listen i didn't know you were a new york guy if you want to come in again and we can do some of these weird hypotheticals and shit the door is always open yeah we're probably allowed to they'll be like

your movie career will be over because you said some shit on our dumb podcast I'm your guy I'm your sports dude man let's do it I'm your guy for it

anytime you want to come through so go check out the website is it ronnychang.com yeah ronnychang.com on Twitter Instagram all that stuff

ronnychang no one cares whoeng no one cares who cares no one cares about that shit yeah just watch a movie if you want attaboy

yeah yeah if you want if not I don't really care we already made a bunch of fucking movies we're good alright man thanks for having me on

thanks for having me on thanks man good stuff