KFC Radio - KFCradio: The Accidental Sext

Episode Date: July 12, 2018

The ALONE TOGETHER HAPPY HOUR is July 19th A The Ainsworth, 122 W 26th Street. If your mom accidentally sent you a sext would you disown your whole family? Millenials vs Baby Boomers in the Port-A-Potty challenge. Bodywash vs bar soap, which side are you on? How to handle catcalls.Girl doesn't know she is bad at blowjobs. The KFCR crew is going to Washington, DC. Episode presented by:Seatgeek promo code KFC for $10 offFixd listentomycar.com promo code KFC for 10% offDollar Shave Club promo coe KFC for $5 offBetDSI promo code KFC25 for $25 free and 200% bonus on depositYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Today's episode of KFC Radio is brought to you by SeatGeek. We're in the dog days of summer. Baseball heating up. The Yankees and the Red Sox are going to be in like an arms race, and they're going to win like 120 games each. It's getting crazy. The Sox are on pace to win 112.

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Don't go trying to win it this year because you ain't going to do it. Don't make a one-year rental. Don't do anything. Nope. They're going to break baseball. This is like the Knicks with the Warriors. I'm like, I don't care. We don't have a shot.

The Mets is like, whatever. Oh, no. Oh, no. Although I just can't have the Yankees. I can't have Machado or DeGrom go to the Yankees. But if you're a fan of... Machado, you're... It's going to go to the Yankees. I can't have Machado or DeGrom go to the Yankees. But if you're a fan of... It's going to go to the Yankees. Fuck! If you want to go see either of those teams play,

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That's another edition here. I did a lot of stuff on Netflix last night. I didn't do any, I did stand-up comedy. What'd you do? I did that new chick, Hannah Gadsby. It's called Nanette.

It's kind of the anti-stand-up comedy. It's kind of, she's basically, she's a lesbian from... She looks like, she's got the glasses, she looks like a nerdy guy. got the glasses. She has mania.

The nerdy guy. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And it's very interesting. It's not all comedy. It's like a half hour of comedy and a half hour of her being like, why she's thinking about leaving comedy because of like... It's just interesting.

It's interesting. I saw Burt Kreischer retweeted or like reposted on Instagram. This chick, I wish I could give her her name. I can't remember it. She was like, it's tough being like a single girl right now. She's like, are you on any of these dating apps? Have you tried to get like a 20-something man from a dating app to put on a condom? She's like, it's like trying to put a coat on a five-year-old who's wearing a Halloween costume.

No, you're going to ruin it! You can't even see it anymore! No! Like, yep, that sounds about right. I've been hard on the Netflix binge, but I haven't done any of the stand-up comedy. I feel like there's just too much on Netflix now. Comedies and Netflix originals. It used to be like, if it's a Netflix original, you know it's going to be good. Now it's like they just... I mean, we need a Netflix now. Comedies and Netflix originals. It's like, it used to be like, if it's a Netflix

original, you know it's going to be good. Now it's like, they just... I mean, we need a Netflix original. Yeah. Like, everybody's getting Netflix original money. Where's ours? Even just like a little bit. Give us like 50 grand. We'll put together some shit. Done. Done. Hell yeah, done. KF's Radio Netflix original. 50 grand?

50 grand? Five zero? My God. Double my salary? I mean i mean right here we'll do this is our netflix special the guy who accidentally got his mom sexed gone tell me that's not that's not netflix worthy we got this dm the other day from the kfc radio account our guy logan is over there trolling the dms like a creep i'm sure there's all sorts of weird shit in there yeah what like we're gonna have to get get you hazard pay or something. The emotional torture. It's going to be bad.

We're going to have to work into your health benefits that you get to go see a therapist. And you're going to need to. You've seen a lot. You see a lot of things in the KFC Radio DMs. But none as horrific as this. I mean, this is probably, this is the all-time worst, you know, sexting screw-up. This guy DMed saying, pulling it up right here. A lot of goddamn tweets.

This guy's really been churning them out. Hello, lovely people. So my mom accidentally sent me a picture of her naked instead of to my dad. I'm fucking mortified. What do I do? Weird enough, right? Like, that's bad. Then this dude says, do I not say anything or do I use this as blackmail?

What? Yeah, I don't get that. How are you going to blackmail your mom with naked pictures? That would imply that you would have to at one point threaten to or release them and be like, hey, everybody, look at my mom fucking naked. She's fingering herself too, right? So then it's like, okay, naked, what does that mean? Like, you know, getting out of the shower. There's a tasteful nude.

Yeah, there's some shadows. There's some mature nudes. Oh, no, no, no. She's straight up fingering herself. She says, uh... Brendan's face is... This is one of those deep, dark ones that it's like, you forget that he tries to be a normal person.

It's like, me, I'll talk about your mom fingering her all the time. He says, it was a picture of her fingering her area with her head in the background. I mean, I love the area. So she was doggy. It was her head in the background. It would be her face in the background. That's how you would describe it.

You would say her face was in it. It was her head. How is this guy even talking about this? This is something that I never let me see the light of day. It's also crazy just to think that I guess this kid is probably pretty young and it's his mom. Like, the generation of people who send pictures of themselves fucking themselves are becoming parents. Like, that wasn't. That's true.

Like, I don't have to worry about that. Well, my first thought on top of, like, you need to gouge your eyeballs out, men in black yourself, and maybe just, like, change your identity and live a whole new life. Is also, like, your mom was probably not sending this to your dad. Your mom. Oh, I mean, like, is that how many parents? Like, I mean, maybe these people are like, yeah, it's like, what's your name? Because there's another guy out there with the same name. I was supposed to get that.

Because I'm just thinking, like, unless we are really onto this new frontier where everybody grew up on sexting this is probably like an old couple who are like they've lost the spark and they're like looking elsewhere and I'm oh I meant to send that to your dad nah I was sending that to like dude I don't think

I honestly think this is you just have to break up the family I genuinely think that. You're gonna dump your mom? I think you have to I think the whole family like that i i i genuinely think you're gonna dump your mom i think you have to i think the whole family done that's it so he says uh to add insult to injury he was at the kitchen table with my girlfriend's family eating cake for her birthday that's it you go to you marry the girl you're just in her family now yeah that's it yeah you belong to her family because why because your mom was fingering herself doggy style and you saw it i'd snap my phone and say i live here now if you see your mom's asshole that's it that's it and i

look i don't know i've never dealt with people who've given birth before i don't think can't be great i don't like it not a scene right no it's not an old an old it's like a i imagine a vagina that's given birth is like a tattoo where it just doesn't age you know it's a it gets just gross and like you really regret it like i wish i didn't have this let's get rid of this can i get it removed yeah can i do some lasers to fix it up the rejuvenation or whatever they call it that is yeah people do that that well maybe this chick sounds like she probably had it i mean if you're like this guy probably this is like the worst scenario. Because if this mom is out here doing this stuff, she's probably been, like, a hot mom.

She's probably a hot mom, right? So he's probably been, like, I don't know. Ugly people fuck. They must sex, too. I know. But ugly people, I don't know. You think, I feel like ugly people would be, like,

ew, that looks gross. I'm not sending that. Oh, but, like, I imagine, I mean, I don't know. I'm just thinking about a vagina that's given birth. You know in Captain America when he dies on a grenade? I feel like that's what a vagina given birth looks like. Just sat on the grenade for everybody. I was actually thinking you were talking metaphorically.

Like, yeah, they really take one for the team there. No, no, you're talking about a grenade blowing up inside your pussy. I mean, you start to make a hole, right? Your pussy goes right into your asshole. And then you poop. It's so bad. Shout out to all the girls out there. A good birth is the worst thing that can happen.

You know what's nuts? They say that there's, like, birth amnesia. That's why they want to do it again. Because I'm like, why would you ever agree to have multiple kids? Like, they just forget how fucking awful it was. So, like, let's have another kid. It's like, don't you remember there's something there's something like in their brain the stitches aren't even out connecting your grundle again i mean you want to have another kid

like yo if guys had to give birth humanity would cease to exist done everybody you maybe would get tricked into it once but if i'd be like did you see what happened to John? I'm not doing that. Go, go fuck John. I don't know. He'll have your kid. I'm not doing it. I remember I had a teacher once trying to teach me about why, how it's so painful. I was just like, I was like, girls would have nuts, you know, like that kind of thing.

I don't know how painful it is. And she said, it's like trying to put a watermelon through a Cheerio. That's the kind of pain. I said, why would that hurt me? And she kicked me out. It's a fair question. That wouldn't hurt of pain. I said, why would that hurt me? And she kicked me out. It's a fair question. That wouldn't hurt me. Cheerios and watermelons? Now, the vagina is a

wondrous thing. It's more, like, when you're young it bounces back. It's more that it's all combined with the age. I mean, a tweet went viral the other day. It was like a whole fucking human comes out of a vagina and pretty much bounces back to relatively the same. And you're thinking that your dick is going to like make me, you know, I'm so loose because I fucked another dick.

A human came out of this and it returned to the same shape. So get out of here with that shit. Listen. I mean, you have to break up. Again, I'm not kidding. Emancipation, right? You divorce your parents. It's not even just the son gone.

Everyone's gone. You just have to change your name. Like, everybody gets a new identity. That's it. Whoever she was supposed to be sexing, you go marry to him now. And the poor dad is just like, wait, what happened? Why did I lose my whole family? Like, dad, you don't want to know.

You need like a safe word for your family. Like, when I come to you and I just say like, we're changing our identities because of pineapple it's just like whoa that's like the you know that's defcon one some shit went down so thoughts and prayers also i mean like i mean realistically if this happened to you what would you literally do because i would delete that and i would not i would not say anything yeah no. No, I probably wouldn't bring it up. And if she ever said something like, oh, my God, I didn't mean to send that, I would be like, oh, it didn't go through. Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about.

And be like, mom, oh, it said downloading. It never actually came through. You're good. And then you carry that cross forever. You never. The only thing I can see. The blackmail. Well, the only thing I think

about the blackmail, it's not blackmail, but it's just like the next time, again, this guy feels like he's kind of young. I thought it was a girl

at first, to be honest. I think that's much easier to swallow. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. My dad sent me a picture

of his dick. I'm like, what the fuck, dad? Yeah, like, whoops. Dude,

come on. I think maybe not blackmail, but like next time your mom is giving you a hard time. It's like, really, mom? Do I need to? But it's just like fallback.

You have the ultimate trump card. Not blackmail, per se. But I guess you're in college, right? You're an adult. You don't even come home for Mother's Day. Yeah. Well, you texted me a picture of yourself, finger yourself, doggy style. So I'll see you on fucking, you know, at Fourth of July.

I'll see you at Christmas when I have a at Fourth of July. I'll see you at Christmas when I have a shitload of presents coming. Yeah, you got to buy your way out of this one. I could see that. I could see that form of blackmail working. You were at a wedding over the weekend where an interesting hypothetical was floating around the bridal party bus.

Yeah, it was one we've already done, though. The homeless one? Wait, which one was it? Kissing the Homeless People in Boston. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that one. New hypothetical. I was drinking at the wedding. Brought to you by Fixed.

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It can be installed in seconds on any car made after 1996. Anyone can do it. No tools required. And it just gives you that peace of mind. I mean, I hop in my car and they're like, I just changed the oil, but the oil change thing is still on. You got your license yet? Uh, kinda. I got pulled over again, bro. Get the fuck out of mind. I mean, I hop in my car and they're like, I just changed the oil, but the oil change thing is still on. You got a license yet? Uh, kinda. I got pulled over again, bro. Get the fuck out of here. How is that possible, Kevin? I keep getting pulled over in the week. Four times? Yeah, it's been a lot. I keep getting pulled over

in the strangest ways. So I'm on like 45th street on the east side by the United Nations. You ever, you know this, there's like a quick bridge. It's like a two block bridge so i'm in the tunnel i'm good i'm going a little bit fast because i'm in a tunnel i'm like there's nobody here i get on the other side of the tunnel another human not even in a car standing in the lane with his hand out you are always pulled over by pedestrians that's crazy and he's pointing and i'm i'm like and at this point i've slowed down a little bit because the red light's coming up and i'm just playing dumb i'm just like looking around like he's not pointing at me. And the guy eventually is like, we're like face to face, nose to nose, like pull the fuck over.

And I was like, what did I do, officer? He's like, you were going like 45, you're going 50 miles an hour in the tunnel. I was like, you weren't even in the tunnel. How did you fucking figure this out? So, I mean, yes, I'm an idiot, but it's like I keep getting pulled over in the most bizarre ways. I mean, I've been pulled over once in my life. This is the thing. So was I mean, yes, I'm an idiot, but it's like I keep getting pulled over in the most bizarre ways. I mean, I've been pulled over once in my life. This is the thing.

So was I until this summer. It's been the fucking worst year ever. Worst luck ever. This is on like 3rd Avenue? Lexington? First. First. Yeah.

You're doing like 50, 55 miles an hour like in the city in between lights. Nice. Well, you know. It was in a tunnel. Tunnels are, like, fair game. What, did you waste getting in the tunnel and just punch it? Basically. You were doing that the whole time. And actually, no, I did get in the tunnel and punch it.

I actually was crossing a line illegally, too. It could have pinched me on that. I was so good for years. I honestly, all the karma's catching up, man. All the karma's catching up. Yeah, you missed out. The karma, get it? I had my license suspended, like, two like 20 and 24, and it cost me so much money

and like so many inconveniences that I now drive like pretty cautiously. Right. I got to start to do that. It just ingrained in me. Yeah, but I can't do that. Like sitting there, if there's nothing in front of me, I go faster. I need a car in front of me to slow me down. I'll go 100.

I just keep going. You know what's crazy? I'm the same way with walking, and I've lately been coming home late. I drive to Stanford when I go home on the weekends, drive to Stanford, take the Metro North in, and I get home at 11, 1130, and I'm like, I don't want to dilly-dally walking home, so I pick a person and basically have them as my rabbit. Uh-huh. So now I'm just closely following don't want to dilly-dally walking home. So I pick a person and basically have them as my rabbit. So now I'm just closely following girls home.

Very creepy. Just walking down Lex. And you can feel it. You can tell that someone's about to flat tire you. They're about to hit your heel. What are you doing back there? I stay two sidewalk blocks away. Not blocks, two, like the squares.

And I stay two squares back and I keep pace. When they run through trying to catch a light, I run too. And it's like, there was one girl I was following home the other day, this past Sunday, and I was thinking if she turns around and maced me and stabbed me... You would deserve it. I would totally follow her.

I would totally understand. What a weirdo. I should probably... OCD on a very strange level. What a weirdo. I should probably OCD on a very strange level. I do it with cars. I pick other cars on the streets and I pretend I'm like drag racing. That's probably why I get pulled over. Anyway, I've been having all sorts of car problems, but

you get hooked up with Fixed and you know exactly what's right, exactly what's wrong, exactly how much it's going to cost you. So go to listentomycar.com, use the promo code KFC, you get an additional $10 off, and it starts as low as just $39 for your car. So go to listentomycar.com, enter the promo code KFC for an additional 10% off. So you're at this wedding, and the latest thing, by the way, is that, and is not new, but we have just we're formalizing this. The KFC radio is the official podcast of the pregame.

And it is the perfect pregame material to run through all of our hypotheticals. When you're just sitting around drinking in your dorm at an apartment or at a wedding. This is you get to know people. You get to learn. You really get to know people. It's really good at a wedding where it's like you're a bridesmaid i'm a groomsman like we got we're matched up but we don't really know each other but like would you put a baby in a microwave yeah and then you're

friends right away it's like what cartoon character do you want to fuck yeah and everyone's shy at first and it's like no listen gun to your head you gotta give me an answer and you do it and everyone's laughing everyone's a couple drinks deep and it's like you know what let's do another one of those questions yeah we oh we went through like five on the bus. Exactly. Because we were driving to pictures and shit like that. Passes the time. We did what cartoon character we want to fuck.

We did, there was one other one. I forget what it was. And then we got onto this one. This one's a doozy. Usually I can kind of reason on any side of anything. But it was, would you rather kiss all of the homeless people in Boston or passionately make out with a sibling? Now,

let's put some disclaimers on here. A kiss is just like kissing the lips. It's not a pack, it's a kiss. I need a little bit of lip smushing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't hide your lips and bump faces. You're getting like, your middle,

your bottom lip is in between their two lips, and your top lip is on top of his top lip and you're kissing all the homeless people in Boston. Or you have to full on make out with a sibling. It's tough, but I arrived at a very definitive answer. And we talked about it and I remember your answer and I agree with it. Yeah, I'm 100% making out with Brendan. Yeah. Yeah. I went brother, too.

And I'm specifying it's you. Yeah. I would not make out with one of my sisters. I'll make out with my brother. I will kiss the homeless people before I make out with my sister, but I will gladly make out with Super Producer BC and be like, listen, babe, it's either this or all of the Disney. I can't even be in close proximity to some of the homeless. No, let alone let alone kiss them, let alone all of the homeless. Well, I'm flattered.

Yeah, I mean, buckle up, babe. I think it's one of those grabbing that ass and shit. I'll be choking you a little bit. I'll be wild. That's true. Making out with you is like passionate. It's not really like a normal person. I might just beat you up.

I'm not sure that's really. Making out with you is passionate. It's not really like a normal person. I might just beat you up. You could get spit on. I'm not sure that's really... Imagine me spitting in his mouth. Better than the homeless, man. I don't think you can go mixed sister-brother. I think sisters can fucking make out. No big deal. That's like, you know.

I had this debate with Dave. It's definitely still incest, but it's much better than dudes making out or brother sister making out. And it's all better than making out with the homeless. The homeless is I mean, this is thinking about in New York terms, just like, oh, people I see. It's I mean, we were behind homeless first on the subway, like the steps the other day and like the wafting was just it's a disaster and if we're gonna open up to new york all the homeless people in new york i mean that's got to be 10 times the number of boston if not more yeah so like at that point you got to make out with almost anybody when was the last time a homeless person brushed her teeth brush her teeth never i mean that's probably the first thing to go do that i just can't understand

becoming fully homeless where it's like you didn't have any buddy to just like loan you a few bucks or something i think it's it's mental illness yeah i guess so just kind of go viral though like come on the homeless people become like rich now get a gofundme going for you pal man of the golden voice uh so final answer sibling brother benny pucker up buddy but if it's your sister almost speaking of spitting and mouths okay uh there is a sex scene in a new movie coming out called disobedience it's rachel mcadams and rachel weiss the chick from the mummy is what i best know her from pretty girl it's not like a smoke but she's hot uh i believe the movie's about like rachel mcadams is in like a straight relationship with a guy who a smoke, but she's hot. Uh, I believe the movies about like Rachel McAdams is in like a straight

relationship with a guy who like she hates and she's having like an affair and becoming a lesbian with Rachel Weisz and they get down and they spit in each other's mouths on a fucking regular ass movie. There's a scene where they're making out. It's so, you have to watch it on Pornhub. I found it on porn. What?

Yes. I mean, maybe you can find it elsewhere, but like I, I need, I searched for it and there was like screen. I found it on porn. What? Yes. I mean, maybe you can find it elsewhere, but I searched for it and there was screen caps and then there was descriptions. Is this movie out? And I went to Pornhub. No, not yet. I think we would know. How'd this get out?

I don't know. I mean, I'm sure there's some creep producer who's like, check this out. There's a scene where they're making out, facing each other, both fingering each other, and Rachel McAdams pulls her fingers out, wipes them on Rachel Weisz's lips, and makes out with her. And then there's a scene And Rachel McAdams pulls her fingers out, wipes them on Rachel Weisz's lips and makes out with her. And then there's a scene where Rachel McAdams is on, it's on her back.

And Rachel Weisz is spitting into her mouth. Fucking, which means it has gone. We have fully popped here. This is fully mainstream. If you're not, we are, if you're not spitting in mouths now,

it's just happening in the movies. I'm like, this might be PG 13 for all we know. This is just regular shit. Now, dude, this is-13 for all we know. This is just regular shit now, dude. This is a great candidate for Alone Together. This is a KFC radio movie. Well, I don't know about that. This is almost like, you go to this movie alone,

people are going to be like, what's this guy doing here alone? You can't go to children's movies and you can't go to these movies. You've got to find a nice in-between. But that just means that Rachel McAdams And Rachel Weisz Get down

Right? You think they actually fucked? I mean I'm just saying Like you Oh you mean In their personal lives Yeah like they did it If you watch this scene

They're pros Rachel's wide open Rachel McAdams is wide open Rachel Weisz is just like Letting it drip I was like I've seen this And it's fucking

Yeah like she knows what she's doing. I fire like a rocket. That's because you dip. Like tobacco. I go. Voicemail time. It's brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. Join the club right now.

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The Walgreens I go to right by my apartment, I have to hit the button first. I'm going to come get the soap for me. That's crazy. And then you open up the thing, and it's like, four bottles of Dove. Four bottles, four bars. Not a body wash. Wow, that's surprising. Oh, I don't bar it up.

That's like, you know, not very, like, you know, your Lady Feidelberg should have like a loofah and some oil of Olay shit going. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. What do you go, Irish Spring Sport? No, just Dove. Oh, Dove, you said. I mean, Dove's got the, like, 20% moisturizer in it, so you're good. Yeah, and it's good for sensitive skin, because I have sensitive skin.

Then why don't you get the body wash? I don't like body wash. I don't feel like you're getting clean. Body wash doesn't clean you. Yeah, it feels like you're just rubbing lotion all over. Yeah, you're just fucking putting... Yeah, I mean, I was always a bar guy until I got married, and then it was just like, well, I don't care that much.

You're going to buy the fucking... I'm rocking something right now. It's peppercorn. Peppercorn? Yeah. It's like pepperminty and spicy. I feel like I'm fucking... Like I rub, like I'm a filet mignon.

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What's up, boo? Bye, Super Manager BC, long-time listener, first, boo? Bye, SuperMunicor BC. Long-time listener. First-time caller. I have a question for you guys. So, I was dating a guy, and sometimes, you know, you just don't want to have sex. Like, it just happens. Facts.

You don't want to take your pants off. You don't want to do the whole thing. Almost every time. So, I decided that I was just going to, you know, I, I enjoy giving blowjobs. So I'm just going to give him a blowjob. He got so angry and like, didn't want to date me anymore because I would rather give him a blowjob than have sex with him. Just a few times a week when I don't feel like having sex.

Is it really that weird? Or is this something that I just need to suck it up and have sex with him instead of just giving him a blowjob? Well, there's a couple things going on here. I was gonna say this is crazy, but you're one of these guys, right? I prefer to have sex, yeah. But you can't even come from a blowjob or something, right? I mean, I've tried several times

and you never come. I mean, I can. I just prefer to have sex like yeah it's i would prefer to just lay back i i see i feel i just feel guilty like i'm like i should be doing something to you yeah no i want to get over that bro i i want to give you pleasure i'm just a pleasure giver well i think it's crazy for this girl to be like oh sex is such a hassle let me just suck your dick that sounds like a lot harder yeah oh a lot harder to the point that this guy feels guilty about it. You're just doing all the work.

I mean, just like it's disgusting. My dick is in your mouth. There's no way. Girls who say they love getting blowjobs blow my mind. They blow your dick too. You enjoy that? Well, but this is what I'm thinking. If this guy is very adamantly turning it down and she thinks it's, like, easier than sex, she probably just gives a really bad head.

Right? Because, I mean, I'm thinking to myself, like, what are you turning down? Because I'm envisioning, like, the whole show. If you're not getting the whole show, you might be like, I'd rather just have sex with you. Yeah. If you're just going down there and you're not very good at it and you're not putting on a production and you're not making any noises and it's not getting very, you know, messy, then it's like, this sucks. So I think that this girl's like, come on, I'm a great girlfriend. I like to give head.

And he's like, you're a great girlfriend who likes to give bad head. So I'm all set on that. Here's a free sandwich. Well, the sandwich is made with shit. So I'm all good. I don't want it. Yeah. Like, just just just lay there and let me just like, you know, rock out for like a couple minutes and it would be much better.

That's the only logical thing I can think here. Yeah, that's a good take. I hadn't thought about that. I mean, I wouldn't like – if this is me, I'd say I'd rather have sex. I am not going to get angry about a blowjob. I am not going to break up with you over a blowjob. But I would just – I prefer to have sex. I feel – like I said, I feel guilty.

I like, I like, I like giving pleasure, Kevin. You are. You're not, you're not a selfish lover at all. I'm not a selfish lover. But I also think it's just, you know, you know, the old joke is not really a joke. Like, you know, you get married or you get in a long relationship and the blowjobs completely stop. So when you've got a situation where they're coming like frequently, like a couple times a week. Yeah, that was yeah that was wild

that's like looking a gift horse and that's like looking a blowjob in the mouth you just take those as they come no matter how good or bad they are because that will cease to happen guaranteed so KFC fights

Super Russo DC my dad and I got into a little debate about the millennial generation baby boomer generation last night and it was over dropping your cell phone in the porta potty he was arguing that my generation would grab the phone this is a great it's a great would not i think that's good for a while. And I just want to get your take on it. I, I claim that,

you know, if it's a relatively clean or relatively newly cleaned, uh, recently cleaned for a body, I'd probably grab it. If that shit's like two, three days old and fuck it. Uh, V's like two, three days old, then fuck it. Viva.

Fights, you're giving a look, but I don't know which way you're going to go with this. I mean, there is absolutely no shot in hell I ever grab my phone out of a fucking porta potty. I think there's a shot. I think you're underestimating yourself. I don't have a lot of rules in my life. The second someone else's feces touches one of my belongings, I do not want that belonging anymore. I don't have a lot of rules in my life. The second someone else's feces touches one of my belongings, I do not want that belonging anymore. I don't know, man. John, you put

on a plastic bag and reached into a toilet. To get my own shit. It was my own shit. I said someone else's feces. If I shit on my phone, I'll keep it. I do think it's a good line of demarcation. John wouldn't do it.

I think I'm like it's probably a circumstantial thing. Like what am I currently what's my current situation? Like am I on a if I'm on like let's say maybe it's not a port-a-potty, but it's like an airplane fucking bathroom somewhere. I'm going to be like just sitting there for hours with no entertainment. I mean, the phone's broken. It's in a fucking vat of piss and shit. I've been dropping my phone. I've dropped my phone in the fucking tub before and plucked it out real quick. I mean, the phone's broken. It's in a fucking vat of piss and shit. I've been dropping my phone. I've dropped my phone in the fucking tub before

and plucked it out real quick. I'm good. Dude, there is no way. What if it falls on top of a hard piece of shit? No. I can't believe you're offering that. What if it's just balancing on a piece of poop and then you just gotta wipe the screen down?

You're going like the Costanza with the eclair here? Yes. Like it was just on top of poop. Right. No. And you just get like a wipe like a like a you know uh fucking alcohol like you know crazy town i can't believe this is in the debate this is sick so you all right let's play it out you're at like a like a concert or like a festival where you're gonna be there for like hours because

that's what porta potties are you drop it in you're just done done i could be that for days kevin like how are you going to get home what are you going to do where are you going to go how are you going to are you going to alone here i don't know what are you separating from your friends so now you're standing there alone at a festival you can't get an uber you can't find your friends i mean like there there are situations and and if you take it a step further for like true millennials they like literally can't live without their phones they'll go like swimming in the fucking shit I've said that I mean I when I get an Uber

to a location I also GPS it so like when I get out of the Uber like it drops me off like a door down I still GPS it I don't want to walk around looking like an idiot so I'll just find out exactly where it is so I'm like that myself. But there's just no

scenario in which I'm putting my hand in. What if it's like I fumbled it and it splashed. Boom. Grab. Boom. Boom. A little boom boom. It doesn't happen. What if it does? Dude, if it's falling, I'm not in the... It's like in the movies when a superhero jumps out of the plane to go get the person. Yeah.

I'm never jumping out of that plane as go, like, as my phone's falling. The hand is never reaching. I'm just going, whoop. There it goes. There it goes. Did you see that Instagram of that Chinese woman grabbing the bird? No. Crazy.

This Asian couple, this old Asian couple sitting in the park. There's a bunch of, like, little pigeons, and they're just kind of, like, squawking around near her feet, and she just goes like Mr. Miyagi, like one, two, three, two. She just grabs this shit by the wing and puts it in a plastic bag. What? Asians are from outer space. She probably took that bag, whacked it on the ground and cooked that thing for dinner. I think you're underestimating your phone addiction.

I think you are a crazy person. I think you're literally insane. There is absolutely no way I'm getting my phone. I'll just go get a new one tomorrow. I think John is a baby boomer, though, because I think every baby boomer would just be like, That's done. That's a wrap. Yeah, it's over.

Dad would probably throw his phone in on purpose. Yeah, they want to get rid of it. It's like, whoops, I dropped in the porta potty, honey. Sorry. I don't think I could bring myself to do it, but I would certainly be tempted because i do need my phone no i wouldn't be tempted it wouldn't be an automatic again it would be i'd be like looking at like it did it get fully submerged did it land on top of something else and you can't see it i think oh yeah yeah then the sheets if it's gone then it's gone but like if like if i am what kind of what kind of fucking like fiber do you think

people are eating where the poop is strong enough to catch a phone and just hold it there? I don't know. It's been sitting in the bottom of a port potty for a while. Who knows? People just eating fucking wood. What are you talking about? It's going to land on poop. The phone's pretty heavy. It's rather sharp.

It's going to cut any poop in half. If it landed in a turd and I could potentially clean it And save like 800 bucks I'm doing it No you're I mean your phone is disgusting anyway bro Your phone is fucking gross I would very happily pay 800 dollars

To not think Someone else's shit was on this every time I put it up to my face No one else is gonna know that you just clean it off you're good Oh no I don't care if anyone else knows It's in my face You're fine stop being a little baby By don't care if anyone else knows. It's just in my face. You're fine. Stop being a little baby. You are.

By the way, that whole jumping out of the plane scene, have you seen Rampage yet? No. There's the most ridiculous of those scenes ever. It's a fucking plane with a giant overgrown gorilla, and the rock saves like four people by flying through the plane and getting parachutes on them. It's crazy. Okay. I can't wait to see it. Is it out?

Awesome. It's on demand. It's on demand. I think you might have to see it. Is it out? Awesome. It's on demand. It's on demand. I think you might have to buy it, but it's worth it. Have you seen Jurassic Park? I haven't seen Jurassic Park. You've got to watch Jurassic Park for a loan together. Also, remember last episode when I said there's a moment that you might cry and everyone was

like, what? I got a text message confirming from someone else there was tears. Okay. It was Kelly. She's a girl, but whatever. Ainsworth on 26th Street. Okay, so it's official. Ainsworth, 26th Street. Okay, so it's official. Ainsworth, 26th Street, Thursday,

the 18th. The 19th. 19th. So next Thursday. Putt Punk today. The next, yeah, this Thursday coming up. I'm jacked up at Putt Punk, by the way. Yeah, oh yeah. It's going to be a fun time. You know something crazy? Keith and I were in charge of the VIP list.

So nobody's allowed to come in. Yeah, it's just me and Keith upstairs. But we were doing it yesterday with Daniela, Erica's assistant. And you know what she said, which is crazy and very offended? She said that the perception, she was surprised when she was like, let me pause for a second. What he's about to say, we're all going to be like, oh, yeah. No, nope, nope, you're not. Nope, you're not.

What is the perception you're so offended by? So the, she was like, are people going to be like getting drunk? Oh, that's crazy. We're like, yeah, definitely. She's like, oh, wow. Because like the perception on the second floor, it's like no one on the third floor ever drinks or anything. No, no, no. What she means is, I think, like party.

We all drink. It's all just that. It's all like, yeah, it's like alcoholism. She was so, in fact, the craziest part of it was, we did it at the Smith yesterday. She texted Keith being like, where can you do this? He goes, come over to the Smith. It was like 4.30.

Middle of the workday. Yeah. She comes over. We both have a glass of whiskey in front of us. And she's like, whoa, on a Tuesday. We come here every single day. We come here. And then five minutes later, no one thinks you guys drink.

Yeah. I'm telling you. It's like run through it. Like who's out there like partying? Like out at the bar like you know videos and shit like oh I was like dancing I was fucking raging it's like I also think that you guys

when you're hanging out with second floor like you guys think of second floor they're narcs yeah I'm not doing anything around them it's like if it's just us yeah we'll cut loose but even then it's like we're just gonna like drink until we're like, oh, I'm drunk. You know? Yeah.

No, that's all I really know. I'm just going to drink until I don't feel things and then I'm going to go home. Like Gaz is like the only guy who will be like standing on a bar like blowing champagne up and shit. Everyone else is just like, oh, I don't like, I'm antisocial, so I drink. Yeah. Everyone up here has mental problems. I mean, that's the difference between content and normal. So come to the bar and hang out with us. Yeah. Everyone up here has mental problems. That's the difference between content and normal.

Come to the bar and hang out with us. KFCRadio.com slash alone. That's the Facebook page. That's where you can RSVP. I'm going to work out some drink deal for RSVPs. You have to commit to doing. All alone together with us. What's up KFC?

Feidelberg. Super producer who shall remain nameless. So I was just catcalled with us. What's up KFC, Feidelberg, Super Rebooster, who shall remain nameless. So I was just catcalled on my way to work and it got me thinking like what is something that I could say back

to someone that was catcalling me like one liner. So like first thing that came to me was like yeah I fucked your mother and your sister last night

or like something like just like real off the cuff like fuck these people that catcall but I wanted to hear your thoughts. and your sister last night. Something like, just like real off the cuff. Like, fuck these people that catcall. But I wanted to hear your thoughts.

So, obviously, I'm a little bit out of breath. I got a little bit heated. But it's all okay. Curious to see what you guys are going to say. I mean,

I know this is kind of a touchy world we live in now with feminism and rights and all that shit. I, you know, I still think

if I could get catcalled, I would like that. I think i would like it to i mean like anything to an extent yeah then eventually get sick of it i'm just saying that to be like it's kind of to an extent we are we're like when we're out in the street with one person yells oh it's like oh what i'm in yeah but if 50 people were doing it's like you know what i don't actually think i mind the frequency it's the like how how much you go in on it Like a yo is fine You stop me to chat me up I'm like I gotta keep moving here

Or so if a guy is like Hey mommy Fine if they're like yo I wanna fucking Spit on you Then it's like alright that's enough So I think what he said to her I don't know I'm just thinking Imagine if someone's and you're like, I fucked your mother and your sister last night. I would love that.

I think that. Don't do that to me because I'll fall in love with you. Like, I have to follow you. Yeah, now I'm going to follow you two squares behind the sidewalk until you get home. I was going to say something like much like more benign, like, like, yeah, your dreams, bud. But she went with a fucking mother and your sister. So I don't know. It sounds like you figured this one out.

Yeah, I again, it would just turn me on. So probably don't do that to me. Do you think I'm going to get racial? Do you think what I don't how many white guys are out there doing catcalls? Construction workers racial Do you think I don't How many white guys Are out there doing catcalls Construction workers I mean I don't know All I know in this entire world

Are stereotypes Yeah Every construction worker I just know like You know black dudes Are always hollering At girls everywhere They just have the most

Like incredible confidence They're just like I'll talk to you I'll talk to you I'll talk to you You all want me right I just I don't think I've ever

Seen like one of us Be like damn girl What up Come over here You know I haven't seen it I'd be like, damn girl, what up? Come over here. You know, I haven't seen it. Hello, I'm John. Right. Like, hi, would you maybe be interested in like spending some quality time with me?

I have. I mean, I would never in a million years catcall. I won't. I won't. I don't know. We should do a video where we try to do that until we get like slapped in the face. Like that one that went viral, the chick doing, she did, like walked around New York. It was like a 10 minute video of her just getting catcalled.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just us, 10 minutes of us walking around catcalling people. That would make, that world would go crazy. Like just two Barstool guys intentionally decided to harass women on camera. They did this on purpose. It wasn't a hidden camera. They hired a crew to do this. Boom mics and all.

Look at that ass. Oh, I think they would love it. I think the people and the girls would love it. Come on. Last voicemail of the day is brought to you by BetDSI. When's the World Cup final? Sunday. Sunday.

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So go to BetDSI.com, promo code KFC. What's up, KFC? So I had listened to your guys' wedding podcast and I pulled the move, first guy on the dance floor, got to set that confidence level, set the bar high. And it worked worked this smoke was eye-fucking me all reception long and here's what happened so after the reception a couple people the wedding party and some other people went out to the bars and downtown and she was there and finally i got when she walked away

from our group i went up to her talk her. I pulled the best pickup line ever. I said, that wedding was beautiful, the bride was beautiful, but you were the prettiest girl at that wedding, and it worked. She was like, oh, my God, you're so cute. We talked for a while. I didn't ask for her number. She gave me her number, and here's the thing. I texted her the next day.

We didn't hook up that night, but the next day I texted her, and she didn't text me back. She didn't snap me back. So I'm just wondering, is the wedding setting romantic for a one-night stand only, or can it go beyond that? Is this like the dumbest question ever? Is it only that setting at the wedding, or can you pull it off further than that? So give me some feedback let me know

i think it's very clear that you can absolutely do both yeah i i think there is more passion i think i i think no one's speed when she says when um uh sandra bullock says that relationships formed in stressful situations never last i think that I think you can have a relationship, but I don't think it'll last. Because you'll never... The passion and the emotion and everything you're feeling that night is something you probably won't ever achieve again. It's like you're chasing a high.

It's like when you do heroin. Right, right, right. Exactly. You're never going to get that chasing dragon forever. I mean, everyone looks their fucking best. But I also feel like I've just like heard stories like this like oh we met it we met it like so-and-so's wedding i haven't but i don't i certainly don't think it's impossible yeah i just think that i think you one of the happiest couples i ever uh i know they met at a

a funeral for someone who died 9-11 so it can be done because there's no more fucking stressful and well that but this is that's the exact opposite. You made out a lot. Well, but yeah, but if you're talking about the stressful circumstances from speed, that's fucking old. Are you? Uh, 33. Like how are you? Like how people, what were they?

Nine? Well, they're a couple of years older. Okay. But still, I mean, I don't know. We were like in high school. I was in middle school. So he was probably like early college. They met.

I'm not saying they had been together the whole time. That's where they like met. Okay. Fuck you, John. I'm so sick of your ageism shaming me. First guy in the dance floor. Have you guys suggested that? Yeah, that was Keith actually.

Yeah, like it's a bold move. I don't know if I can do it, but if you do it, you do it right. You are like the – Like going out there solo or pulling a girl out there? Big dick energy, man. I think it's – you know, it's actually – it's all like straight out of Wedding Crashers. Like when Vince Vaughn dances with like the little girl. That can be creepy too.

But if you do something cutesy, funny – It's first guy, not first person because girls are out there as soon as – I think if you're like the Guido who runs out there and he's doing like fucking Jersey Shore dancing, you look like an asshole. Yeah, you can't be a dancer. But if you can get out there and just do the hitch dance. Yeah, you just do a little bebopping to like when they're still playing like Sinatra or some shit. It's all eyes on you. You can pull it off.

It's very hard, though. It's like don't do that unless you're ready. I think a lot of weddings now, too, though, they say come join. Yeah. So that's tough. Right. But it's the first dance for the bride and groom and they make you all come on. Yeah.

Yeah. So it's like no one's really the first. You got to run out there. Get out of my way, bitch. I think it can happen with both, but I certainly think the one-night-stand type of idea is more prevalent. At least stereotypical. I don't know how often that happens either, which people are just fucking left and right at weddings. I don't think – I haven't been to many weddings.

I don't think I've ever closed at a wedding. I just get too fucked up. I'm here for the party. I'll have sex another night. I don't even like sex. This girl, Danielle, doesn't even think we drink. Drink so much,

we don't fuck. I drink so much, my dick gets broken. That's what I'm gonna start saying instead of getting drunk. I'm going to break my dick tonight. Don't get your hopes up, girl. I'll do that, too.

We've talked about that with a girlfriend. Just so you know, tonight I'm just getting wasted. Like the girl said, sometimes you just don't want to sex. You want to keep your pants on. You want to drink till your dick doesn't work. See you at the bar next Thursday. I'm going to break my dick tonight. Thank you.