KFC Radio - KFCradio: Tony Rock, Black Card Revoked, the uPik app, Netflix Party and the Indian Chief Curse

Episode Date: August 7, 2018

Tony Rock returns to tell us what white dudes get a Black Card and who would win in a Wayans Brothers vs. Chris Rock/Tony Rock match at Rough n Rowdy.Voicemails: Crush on Train Guy, enjoying your girlfriend's loofah, walking in on a cumshot, pizza guy won't stop texting her, only watch old movies or only watch new movies, going to college bars after graduating. live near something haunted. Also, John's weird hands and the Teanna Trump/Brittany Renner saga continues.Episode presented by:Mint Mobile mintmobile.com/kfc save $15 off your mobile billOmaha Steaks OmahaSteaks.com type KFC in search barOmax Health omaxboost.com/kfc to save 70%Felix Gray felixgrayglasses.com/kfc to try a pair todayLeesa leesa.com/barstool $160 off You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Today's episode of KFC Radio is brought to you by the best deal in all of cell phone bills. This is the best deal in mobile phones, period. The big wireless, it's over for big wireless. It's a wrap for big wireless. They've been running the show for a long time now. You've had the major powerhouse providers that have just been jacking up prices on you from day one, and you had nowhere to turn.

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Pre-show, you're like, I know he's going to ask me this. The second I said what it was, as soon as I finished that sentence, $270. I started subtracting $15 from it. We've come a long way from the Omaha Stakes conversation. Yeah, we have. That was one of our lower moments ever. You know what else was a really low moment? What did we settle on?

A thousand percent savings. It wasn't even a possible number. I think you had said that the original box cost like $1,000. It was actually like $2.70. We also look a gift horse in the mouth was a low point the other day and i blame uh superbruiser bc for that one yep that was he told me it had something to do with trojan horses it does not at all nope i was right on that one i want the record to show and we're all going to be right if you get down with mint mobile for 15 bucks a month you're going to get everything you

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slash KFC. Cut your wireless bill down by $255 if you're John. I should look into that. You really should. I mean, just switch to Mint Mobile, bro. It's going to be well worth it for you. Today's episode just switch to Mint Mobile, bro. It's going to be well worth it for you. Today's episode, we got Tony Rock back in studio. Chris Rock's brother.

Funny dude. He's just a funny guy. He's so fucking funny, man. I really enjoy talking to Tony. He's a nice, cool dude. He really is a nice guy. For, you know, as successful as that family is, and we saw with Marlon Wayans recently, these guys are worth a shit ton of money and they have every, you know, every reason to basically walk around like assholes and they don't.

That was so funny when you talk about his mom. Oh, no, mom's good. Yeah, mom's taking care of him. We talk about Mrs. Rock, Mama Rock. She's got, I mean, she popped out like 10 of them at least. At least? He started listing them. It was very, it was like Cromartie-esque.

It was just name after name after name. Then he got into the sisters. It's not just all boys. The Rock family role is deep and it sounds like they definitely took care of Mama Rock. So we talked to him about his new show. We talked about,

you know, summertime in New York, black people conspiracies. That was great. All the conspiracies that black people love. We dove in. Basically, we did Conspiracy Hour with Tony Rock. His ex-girlfriend's craziest girlfriend.

That was so funny. The Relentless Girl. Tony Rock has an ex-girlfriend. Ex-something. That rivals Feidelberg. That's not saying quite a bit. Of course, we got voicemails for you. So, you want to get into voicemails right now?

Let's, Kevin. Let's do that. Let's dive right into it. Let's do that. Voicemails right now let's let kevin let's do that let's dive right into it let's do that voicemails are brought to you by omaha steaks it's a season baby there's a couple times throughout the year you want to get your omaha steaks and then one is like wintertime around christmas i like firing up the grill during the winter it's cold out there and but you get yourself to be slaving over a catch over. No, no way. And you get you know, when you get yourself a nice like flame broiled char grilled steak, but it's the winter. It's like a nice little like mix up. You know what I mean?

You're not used to it. So then the other time is now summertime when you're out there barbecuing and you don't want to just throw on, you know, dogs and burgers. You want to get into some of the good stuff. You want to get some steaks and some pork chops and some chicken breasts where you're cooking yourself up a real meal, not just your average barbecue lunch. That's what the limited time Omaha Steaks package is offering you now. Two filet mignons, two top sirloins, four pork chops, four chicken breasts, four steak burgers, four kielbasa sausages, four jumbo franks, a package of their signature seasoning, and then you get four desserts.

You get the four caramel apple tartlets, which I know Johnny Sweet Tooth over there is all about. I got an apple empanada from Taco Bell last night, and it was not nearly as good as I No, I was going to say. Listen, we all love Taco Bell, but the Omaha Steaks package is above and beyond. I had Taco Bell for breakfast today. It's cool. Now, listen, John, I am not going to throw stones. You know me. I have committed to this life of eat whatever you want, whenever you want to eat it. First meal, second meal.

Taco Bell, actually, they're the ones they've been talking fourth meal forever now but john eating a cold old leftover non-refrigerated soft taco for breakfast i ordered about eight i ordered about 8 30 last night nine o'clock last night so you're talking about 12 hours 12 hours sitting next to my recliner he's just sitting next to my recliner in the bag that but you know what man like you're making faces at this. As much as we bitch about our lives, as much as we bitch about how being an adult stinks, if you're a younger person listening to this episode, don't ever get scared of growing

up because this motherfucker had a fucking leftover taco and two Oreos for breakfast. I am living the goddamn dream. I love how you are apparently the poster child for being an adult.

Hey, kids out there, you could be just like me when you grow up. Motherfucker, you have not grown up. You are Peter Pan. Statistically speaking, scientifically speaking, I am an adult man. Mathematically speaking, that's about it. That's about it. That's the only way you can prove

that check my license check the fucking time stamps i'm an adult man check the receipts um you are not you're a child you're a man baby and you you conduct yourself in such a manner i mean the taco bell listen i am not judging i am actually down with this you are living the dream i have been living the taco bell dream, the DoorDash dream. You know what happened last night? And I've been afraid of this for a long time, and it finally happened. My DoorDash guy just stole my food. Really?

Yeah. It said, like, your food has been delivered. It had not been delivered. Oh, that's happened to me. That's happened to me. And I called the Chinese food place. They were like, no, he. You're going to get Chinese food dinner.

Yeah. Oh, my God. You feeling a little something? I had a little, I got, are you hard? Your nipples? Oh yeah,

I can see right through your shirt. Wow. John really got excited for the fucking Chinese food there. Oh my God, I'm going to eat Chinese food. What are you going to get? I don't eat everything.

I'm going to eat everything. One of everything. Oh God damn man, yeah. So they, they call, I'm going to have it for breakfast tomorrow. Well, that's okay

the Chinese food for breakfast is a very commonplace move it's the old taco bell that's a little bit more tough to swallow literally you should have seen how excited I was when I came out of my room and the recliner is by my room

and I saw the bag still sitting there I was like yes oh yes yes baby give it to me yes yes I'll have what he's having I was like, yes. Oh, yes. Yes, baby. Give it to me. Yes. Yes. I'll have what he's having. It's old-ass Taco Bell.

So the store, the Chinese place goes, they're like, we delivered that. And I called the DoorDash guy, and he was like, no, they canceled it. And I called back. He said, he canceled it. No, no, no. She read me my order. They came. I called him back, and he goes, ah, you got to call DoorDash.

It's not me. It's not. You just got to call DoorDash. And I called DoorDash, and they were like, ah, we don't know what happened. Here's a credit. But A, I was fucking hungry. Right, right. And, like, you're not replacing the food in my belly.

And B, like, are you going to the food in my belly. And B, like, are you going to do something about this? Because you have a rogue food stealer. Like, I'll tell you what, if that's all that happens, like maybe,

maybe we hung up and then they called the DoorDash guy and they fired him or something. But it sounds to me like they just build this in as like breakage, you know, it's just like, we're going to XYZ amount of dollars because they're going to steal shit from us. If that's the case, I'm going to become a DoorDash thief. Yeah. You just never, never actually go to work to keep waiting for someone to steal shit from us. If that's the case, I'm going to become a DoorDash thief. Yeah, you just never

actually go to work to keep waiting for someone to order something you want. Yes. If someone places the order for you, and then you got to just like, alright, you got to get up off your ass and drive there, but free meals. I would do that. I actually think that should be an app. Someone else chooses dinner for you. Ooh. Someone just

gets your dinner. Because I never know what I want. Well, I'm the opposite of a girl. We kind of talked about this last podcast. I never know what I want. And when someone says that, I'm like, yes, I want that. What about we call it YouPick? Because it's always like, what do you want for dinner?

I don't know, YouPick. Yeah. YouPick, the new app. Cut this out. Cut this fucking out. At the very least, anybody who does this, we get at the least 50%. YouPick, the new app that eliminates all dinner choice anxiety. Dude, we were going to do that once.

Girls will do this. I mean, guys can kind of handle this, but the girls will fucking sign up for you pick right away. Oh, man. But then they'll be mad about what comes. Yeah. That's the other thing, too, is you need to pick. It will truly be blind.

What about you pick the number of people people and then you need to say like, like small, medium, large, like hungry, extra hungry, like just need a bite. And then that's it.

Because if, if, if it's, if it's you pick and it randomizes and then you see what the selection is, you'll be like, no, no, no,

I don't want that. You know what I mean? You'll, you'll just keep going. I think it needs to be truly blind. Yeah. You can put in stipulations. I don't like Indian.

Right. I have an allergy. This is totally. You need like a no fly list. But then the rest. Anything goes. And you just let life fucking decide for you. Jesus take the wheel.

Damn. That's brilliant. You pick. And you know what it'll be really good for? The foodies. The people. An average person like me. I actually don't know if I would love you to pick.

Because I know what I want to eat usually. And I'm just going to pick it. I don't. I don't until I hear someone say chinese i'm like yes that's what i want tonight you are you are a lemming you are the most impressionable malleable just like i'm gonna make john think this yeah but can you imagine like if you do this in like brooklyn with the foodies and it's like i don't know is it gonna be the gluten-free like fish or is it gonna be the uh the brand new bakery whatever bro i don't know this fucking works they'll they'll be like oh it was all delicious you pick the uh we were gonna

do this one summer i was living in newport years and years ago i was probably like 19 and uh me i live with i had three roommates this time and uh we could never make decisions about where we're gonna go to eat where we're gonna go to bar that night what we're gonna to do that Saturday. And so we had the idea that we were going to get a Craigslist friend. We're going to put a personal ad on Craigslist. You're the picker? No sex stuff. You just make decisions for us.

But then we couldn't decide who was going to write the ad. You need a Craigslist guy to write the Craigslist ad. So we just didn't do it. But I really wish we did that one. Because it would have been like, yo, what are we doing tonight? He's not invited. Right. No, absolutely. And does he get paid or something?

He'll get 15 bucks. 15 bucks a decision. Just to be like, you guys go here. It's easy when there are no ramifications for your decisions. It's like, this place might suck. It doesn't matter. Isn't there an app that you shake it and it does like a... Herb and spoon.

Yeah, yeah. I don't know if that actually works out, but that's a good idea. In theory. It'll be like YouPick. And we're going to spell it U-P pick okay what if you were you pick for somebody else then they get to rate it and then you get a good picker yeah you become a good picker and you start getting rewards yeah gift cards that's like when you have a good feedback as like an ebay seller or or a yelp reviewer you pick and they uh the K is going to be a knife going up and down

and then two forks doing the triangle part of the K. Goddamn, we're going to put... And the P will be a spoon. Out of business. Huh? Unfortunately, we're going to put Omaha out of business. Yeah, I'm sorry, Omaha. This is the longest Omaha Steaks ad ever.

I think we need to bring it back at some point. So go to omahasteaks.com. Type KFC in the search bar. This is okay. This is the first ever you pick. We are, we are picking for you. It's Omaha.

Go to Omaha steaks.com types KFC in the search bar. It's not a URL. It's not a promo code. It's just KFC in the search bar. And you're going to get those 20, whatever pieces of meat for 20 for 39 99. It is an 80% discount, but Omaha steaks.com.

KFC in the search bar. And I'll see you suckers on the other side. Because I'm about to go get rich off you, Pick. Voicemail time. Let's get it. Hi, KFC Fight. Super producer BC. So, I need your guys' help with something.

I'm currently right now. I'm going to work in Boston. and i see this guy every single day on my commute in the city he's walking the opposite direction of me and we always stare at each other but never do anything so i'm moving soon and i'm gonna be still in boston but going like the opposite direction i I'm definitely not going to see him anymore. So my question is this, I have, I keep meaning to go up to him and say something, but it's really awkward because again, we're going the opposite direction. I don't just want to like stop him on the middle of the sidewalk. But since I have limited time, I thought maybe I could just

one of these days, just go up and give him my number, like tap him on the shoulder and be like, Hey, I think you're cute. Here's my number. Every time I go to do it, I chicken out. Is this a good idea? Is it a bad idea? Is there a different approach I should be taking to this? I appreciate any feedback you guys have. All right. I mean, this girl's got a train guy. That's exactly what I titled that voice. Yeah. It's a train guy. I mean, I had a train girl. girl's got a train guy. That's exactly what I titled that voice. Yeah, it's a train guy. I mean, I had a train girl. Everybody's got a train girl.

I had a train girl. She was the love of my life. She was the one. And then I saw her. She used to have a Lily Pulitzer bag, and she started packing that and bringing it like every day. And I was like, ah, you're staying at your boyfriend's. Fuck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then. You can't tell that. You got that overnight bag. Yeah. Fucking FBI agent. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then. You can't tell that. You got that overnight bag. Yeah. Fucking FBI agent. Exactly. It's my go bag.

I mean, we used to just stare at each other. Like, yeah, I used to stare at her. And I never said anything. And you know what? Regret it. I regret it. I don't have any regret. Did you have a train girl?

No. But I'm trying to think for this girl. Yeah, go up and give me your number. Well, 99% of guys, that's going to work. The problem is that, you know, a trained guy and a trained girl are exponentially different. Like, she can go up to him and say anything, and he'll at least give her the time of day. This guy could be a fucking smoke, and he would still, and maybe she's not, and he would still be like, all right, this is kind of cool.

Yeah, I'll talk to you. Yeah. So, I mean, this could go from like, hey, you want to like do you like run and like fuck me right now? And he might do that. You'd be like, hey, here's my number and I'll take it. You could ask him to go like on a date right then and there. It might happen.

The chances of you of this going well for you are so much better than a guy to a girl that I'm almost a little mad at her to be honest you're actually kind of pissing me off even acting like this is like a problem well it's i mean it's i would say it was me and joe schmo and some girl gives me her number i will give her the time of day i will take it i will absolutely not text you i mean what's not won't text you no but that's you that's depressing i'm saying john it's me in particular it's i and it's not even the depressing thing is like i'm just not i'll be like ah she's fucking with me this is this is a prank like i won't i won't think it's real this is her boyfriend's i'm

gonna beat me up like fucking sea bass in the bathroom stall where are you i'll be right there just fucking some huge dude comes through and starts fucking beating on me. That's what I think would happen. But no, it's very very very unique to me that I would do that. I think most guys will at least you know, they'll

give the number and they'll give the texting a shot too. Yes, I totally agree. And I also think that most guys will probably, if that's me i'm thinking like i'm playing with house money right now and so i think i'm gonna be like you want to come over later like like i'm going out tonight but like you want to meet me at my place like 2 a.m i think i'm just gonna like throw it out there because i think if a girl is forward enough to come up to you and be like hey i like you i'm gonna exploit you you still have to make

sure she likes you, right? What her number says is her number says that she is physically attracted to you. But if you're right away like, hey, meet me in my apartment at 2 a.m., she'll be like, you're a fucking scumbag. Never mind. Yeah, but I'm saying I think that if a girl is really forward enough to do that, I think you are probably in pretty good shape. You're in good shape. You're in good shape if you say, I'm going out tonight.

Do you want to come out? Yeah. Then you can smash. If you're like, yo, meet me at my place. Just a smash. There's no,

I don't think many girls are going to be like, okay, I'll stay up all night and then I'll just, I'll sit around. Well, yeah, I mean, I'm just saying,

I don't know if it has to be literally that. I'm just thinking that like you, the tables have turned is what's going on here. This is some bumble shit where it's like, this is usually everything we have to worry about. And now you're going to have to fucking worry about it. So I think you can be a little more casual,

a little more laid back, maybe a little more aggressive because if this girl is willing to do that, you're her train guy and you know it. There's a certain amount of power that comes with being a train guy or girl. But the gamble with the commute is that you may have to see that person again. I was just thinking if this happened to John, some girl approached him,

John, you changing your commute? Because now you don't text this girl, but you may have to see her again. Yeah, no, I'm changing my commute. I mean, I... So this girl proactively... My commute in and of itself is like I'm Jason Bourne. I never go the same way. You can't track me.

Dude, there are still... I've been here for two years now, walking the same way to work. There are still times I'll be like, oh, I've never been down this street before. I just fucking twist, turn, bam, bam, bam, bam, all over the place. You could never follow me. I'll get lost in the crowd so fast, man. What a paranoid asshole. I'm not doing it intentionally.

I'm just following the fucking streets. Whatever is open. Because it pretty much is, like, as the way the crow flies, it's pretty much a diagonal shot from my apartment to the office. You can do it in many different ways. Yeah, and it's just like, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. I'm all over the place. It's fucking wild.

I think, bottom line, this girl should definitely give it a whirl. I walked home last night, by the way, after Mission Impossible. Oh, after a movie like that, you're, like, scanning everybody. And I walked home crazy far. I walked home from 23rd and 9th to 35th and whatever. Yeah. And it's a good walk. Yeah. Like 35th and 3rd.

Yeah. When you're going west-east, those fucking avenues will get you. But I was like walking fast. Just all looking around. Fights to a barrel roll in the middle of the street for no reason. I went down to the 23rd subway 23rd street subway That was closed

So I had to come back up But I was in an empty subway And I was like Where are these motherfuckers at Who's got me trapped down here What's up boys Not really a question I just wanted to

Get your take on this Personally I think When you End up showering In a girl's place or something and i'm not talking about like shower sex or anything i'm talking about just you some alone time and a lot of good products oh yeah i think that's the best girls have the best lotions and all kinds of crazy shit that you've never heard of I took a shower at my girlfriend's place last week,

and I was just going ham-newton in there with the exfoliating creams and all the shit with beads in it. It was nuts. I wanted to get your take and see if this is a normal move to get into somebody else's shower, especially a girl's shower. Of course it is.

And just start trying out all their products. This is the most normal thing in the world. There is not a single guy on the planet that doesn't

like this. Now, there might be some who might not admit it. You know, all the alphas of the world maybe don't want to admit that they want to get their loofah on.

I mean, get my estrogen levels up. I doubt it. I'm going to put, if you lose a loofah on. I mean, yeah. Get my ass levels up. Doubt it. If you lose a loofah, you become gay. I have no problem admitting that it's delightful and I have no problem admitting that I just succumb to that life. Like, it's not a girl's shower or anything anymore. It's my shower.

Dude, I think that it's so fucking lucky that men buy women drinks because if they had to have our alcohol bills, they did go broke. All of them. It's crazy. The stuff they have these showers. I, the girl I stay with in Boston,

like she has like, um, you know how you hang on the back of a closet, the shoe holders. Yeah. She has like two of those in her shower. Just full of products. The guy, poor goddamn shower rod is bending like Ronnie Coleman's bench.

Like it's just, it's a fucking reverse U. No, it's a regular U. Nope. Yeah, it's a regular U. Just a fucking bend like this. It's crazy. Like what is all this for? I'm going to figure it out.

I'm going to go into experiment mode. I'm going to like fucking squeeze this. Absolutely. I don't know if that goes in my hair, but we'll try it. They have everything for, you know, if your hair is colored this color, you use this. If it's colored that color, you use that. If it's damaged, you use this. If you want this scent, you want that scent.

You want scrub, you want soft. They got it all, man. And they got devices. So you got like six bars of soap? Yeah, they got the- What do you need six bars for? Fuck, dude. One's black.

Oh, yeah. I don't know what that does. Yeah, no, that's the coal or whatever, right? Yeah, yeah. Charcoal yeah. I don't know what that does. Yeah, no, that's the coal or whatever, right? Yeah, yeah, charcoal exfoliator. I know what it does. I don't know why I played a coy there. They also have, like, the devices. They got the lupus.

They got, like, the sticks. They got the thing you can hit your back with. They got, like, dildo. They got the fucking dildos you can put on your butt. They got the glove. You ever see, like, it's just, like, a glove that has, like, the sandpaper? Razors all over the place.

Oh, yeah. How many razors do you need? That's one thing. Wild jokes. It seems like, you know, maybe I'm wrong in my assumptions, but you know how women just use a different towel for like every part of their body? There's a foot towel, their face towel. Mine is like just for my asshole, but we use my forehead.

I rub my face with it and then I'll rub my butt. Yeah. But like they have, they have a girl. Have you ever seen a girl stack her towels before a shower? It's insane. Well, it's like a, it just gets smaller and smaller.

It's like one of those doll things. Oh, I think it's pyramid and giza. Yeah. And by the end, it's like a fucking piece of toilet paper. What is that one for? It's crazy. So I see a bunch of razors

and I assume they just use those for different parts. If girls are using a razor for their vagina and a razor for their legs, that's the craziest shit I've ever heard in my life. I mean,

the only thing I could see is that maybe you want the vagina razor to make sure it's sharp. You don't want a dull one. Could be. Yeah. That would be my only guess

because if it's your own vagina and your own legs, I can't imagine you worry about mixing and matching. I go from my face to my nuts. I don't give a shit. Have you ever shaved with a girl's razor? It's terrible for a guy. No, I don't think so.

I haven't used a blade anywhere on my body. You don't even shave your face? No, not with a blade. You're the prettiest little girl in the dance. If you use a girl, like one of those Venus ones. When was the last time you used a blade? I haven't seen you with a blade. I shave my neck.

No, I just use a one on the razor on that. Yeah, I do that for my face, but I got to shave the neck. The girl razors for a guy are a disaster. They're too nice. They're round, and there's pads on either side. It's like, I got to get the fucking blade onto my skin. And there's all these little puffy things that get in the way. It's a disaster.

I'm your Venus. I'm your fire. Your desire. Remember those Garnier Fructis commercials where the girls were just coming in the shower because of their shampoo? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes! Yes! That's me in the shower, bro. Except I'm like, I'm literally

actually coming usually in the shower too, but also that shampoo. When you get like the scent going, it's like eucalyptus and your sinuses are open. I'm like, oh yeah! Dude, I remember we were in, me and Dan, it was before Caroline's. So it was this Caroline show in New York. Me and Dan, um, we had a were in, me and Dan, it was before Caroline's. So it was this Caroline show in New York. Me and Dan, we had a hotel room, right?

And we'd all gone out the night before. I forget where we went, but we went to dinner and then we went somewhere. You know, we didn't do anything that crazy, but I got drunk. And so I woke up the next morning and I was hungover as shit. And I do this thing when I'm hungover where at the end of my shower, I go as long as I can with basically freezing cold water. You're a sicko. And so I was in the shower.

How long can you last? What's your longest? I usually go for a minute-ish. So I'm in the shower. That's not normal. I'm just trying to soak myself in cold water. And I put it basically like one inch from being off. So it's as cold as it gets.

And I'm in the shower and I'm like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. And I'm making those kind of noises. Dan listening. And I come out. And Dan was like, dude, you jerk off really weird. Dan. Was he joking or he really thought you jerked? No, he seemed dead serious. Maybe he was kidding.

But no, he wasn't kidding at all. Cause I said, I was like, no, dude, I stand under fucking freezing cold water. I don't, what is wrong with you? But why? Wait, that's weird too. Why do you do that? It's, I don't know. It's just a shock to the system.

Yeah. It's something my mom taught me when I was really young that when, before you go to the shower, you just go at night, go. Super hot. Go, go warm, but then a little colder than warm a little colder and end it on warm and it's kind of just relaxing it makes you tired okay you fucking lunatic and then in the morning do a reverse where you go warm to cold warm to cold and end it on cold and so i just take that to the extreme and just i don't even go back and forth back and forth let's go freezing

cold let's go you kind of like just torture yourself for no reason. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Imagine if John was in a fucking hotel with Dan, just like... He's like, ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! He's a fucking Adam Sandler comedy dude. I'll make those kind of noises when I cum. Yo, if I could make myself cum like that, I would.

Imagine if you were just doing your regular routine, and you're like, oh my god. Yeah! Yes! More, Kevin! More! I don't think anyone could make me do anything. Imagine if you were just like Doing your regular routine And you're like Oh my god Yeah Yes More Kevin More I don't think I don't think anyone Could make me do anything I don't think anyone

Could make me make noise No Try and make me squeal I fucking dare ya Hey KFC Fight Super producer BC First time

Long time I was just calling you To talk about this story Happened to me last weekend Me and my buddy Got these two girls To come over, and we were both doing our own things. And after I got done having sex with my girl, I still hadn't finished. So I had to do that. So she was giving me a blowjob, and I was just about to finish.

And my roommate comes storming in my room, and he just sees me mid-vinegar strokes just straight at this chick. And it was the most awkward thing ever he just ruined the whole moment everything so i'm just wondering have you ever had anything like this happen where somebody's walked in on you as you were uh finishing your business uh thanks and have a great one it really is a next level what getting someone walking in on you during sex or drinking off is one thing someone walking in on you coming is a whole other fiasco. It depends where.

If you're cumming in on her, I don't think it matters at all. If you can see the cum is what you're saying? Yeah. Yeah. Like, if you are, like, I mean, it sounds, the way he described it there, it sounded like he was, like, doing her facial. Yeah, yeah.

If you're doing that. If you're doing her face, it's coming at this girl. That's a problem. I mean, I feel like if you're just blasting off on this girl's face. Although, not for you. It's really just kind of her relationship that gets altered. Yeah, but I feel like when you're just blasting off on this girl's face. Although not for you. It's really just kind of her relationship that gets altered. Yeah, but I feel like when you see someone's old face, you're forever changed as well. Maybe not like that bad.

Hey, it's worse for, you know what's worse? It's a guy seeing a girl's cum face. But you see someone's old face, and there's always just going to be some level of like, you've seen me like, you know, my fucking lip. Yeah, my eye eye when I close my lip quivering and like you look like Popeye

I've seen it now you're right yeah that wouldn't be good and you know a couple I just I mean there's nothing you can do there that's one of those like let's agree to never talk about this sort of thing right or you go the other direction and you totally make fun of the guy?

Get it out there? I don't think it's something I'd be comfortable making fun of. I think it's something where, I don't know. I don't understand. I don't even know if I'd even see it. It'd be very, very quick. Well, that's the thing. You're talking about the dribble travelers.

He usually would just turn right around. Right. Oh, nope. Yeah, yeah. My buddy, my sophomore year roommate, he walked in on me getting head, and he said he just did like a, almost like it was a revolving door sort of thing. He went in and out. He swung the door open, and he didn't even need to touch it again.

He just slipped back out in one door motion. And he said he just had his hands up like, okay, I'm out of here. Yeah, I mean, who hasn't? So technically all he saw was was a couple up and downs. If you walk in on someone coming and you stand there and watch them finish coming, now you're the weirdo. Exactly. Now I'm in a position of power being like, what the fuck's wrong with you?

I think that's what you do. I think you take the power right away. Yeah. If you're the guy. Take a picture next time, you fucking weirdo. Like that dick pussy. Go use my girl's lavender shampoo, why don't you're the guy. Take a picture next time, you fucking weirdo. Like that dick pussy. Go use my girl's lavender shampoo, why don't you, fucking beta. Hey, KS3, boys.

So I'm having a dilemma. So when I'm at work, we usually order dinner from this, like, pizza place near us because they have, like, really good salads and stuff. So the other day I called in an order, and I, when it came, I was in the bathroom. So one of my coworkers grabbed it, no big deal, grabbed the pizza. And about 30 minutes later, I get a phone call and I missed it. So I texted the person and I was like, who's this? And it was the pizza delivery guy. And he was like, oh, sorry. Like I accidentally called you. He was like, hope you liked the pizza though. So I said, thank you. And he goes, glad you liked it. And I didn't answer so he texted me again and I had to tell him like it wasn't the girl that got the pizza that he thought

he was texting and now he won't stop texting me like saying oh like I know you order from there all the time like how are you and all this stuff like literally won't leave me alone and now I feel weird ordering from there ever again and do I keep ordering from there even though he keeps hitting me up and I don't answer? Let me know. Oh, yeah. Let it rock. DJ Kari. Kari.

Nick News. Akon. Akon had a run in the beginning. That was unparalleled. Drop that shit. When Akon was at his peak, you could make the argument he was the greatest of all time. He had a run that is unparalleled. From Locked Up to...

The album, I think it's called Freedom, the one where there's like a blue sky behind him. It's got like Troublemaker and I'm So Paid and Holla Holla with T-Pain. It's got like 10 fucking classics. Akon was a don, man. You would hear the jail cell door shut and he would say something like, Locked up, Akon, or whatever.

And it was like, here we fucking go. Akon and Young Jesus. Convict music. Convict music. I mean, he is. He's also, we were trying to talk about Chameleon Air yesterday. He's also crazy rich. And he also, like, I think he supplies energy to most of Africa.

He also had sex with, like with a 13-year-old. Forgot about that. That was what the... He had that song, I'm sorry, or whatever, blame it all on me. He was like, yeah, we're going to blame you. Put the blame on me. Yeah, that's kind of like the goat fucker conundrum.

You can supply energy to a bunch of countries in Africa, but fuck one 13-year-old. You're a 13-year-old fucker. Anyway. Yeah, that was great. That was a 13-year-old fucker. Anyway. Yeah, that was great. That was a nice little surprise. We need to have more of those. We need to have Akon drop-ins.

You know, it's almost like wrestling music. All of a sudden, it's just... Maybe we won't know. Like, sometimes I'll play a voicemail and sometimes I'll play a song and just don't know when it's coming. Preferably Akon. And only Akon.

Akon is the only option. We'll call them like Akon drop-ins. That'll actually be funny. If at any given moment on a KC radio again you can't overdo it but every now and then you're gonna get an a-gun banger like loud in your headphones be awesome instant party that was just the next next thing on q and itunes that's the party button yeah right right it's just gonna change the whole fucking vibe man can't hit the party button jelloello shot. I don't even remember the question. It was the pizza guy harasses her. Oh, okay.

So this is one of those classic scenarios where it's like super fine line between like you're going to get a restraining order and like plot of a romantic comedy. Like I could see a scenario where. I could be crossed it. You think so? I mean, well, I think the problem here is that he's got the wrong girl. Yeah. And once you told you texting the wrong girl to keep going, stop texting.

Right. I think, uh, you know, if I, if I, if you order from, by the way,

pizza for lunch, it's a pretty savage move. I mean, you're talking to the wrong guy, pal. No, I mean, I look,

I get dominoes, all that stuff. Yeah. Me and Keith have gotten a full pizza for lunch, like twice. That's it. That's a, that's, all that stuff. Me and Keith have gotten a full pizza for lunch like twice. That's a big boy move. I mean, a full pizza is aggressive, not because of the hours of the day, but it's just like that's a lot of fucking pizza for you to be throwing back.

I guess I'm just not a pizza for lunch guy. I don't know why. I'm just not. Yeah, I mean, I have thrown caution to the wind here. I had dumplings for breakfast the other day. Or pizza at lunch at work on a Saturday, Sunday. Doesn't matter. At work, it is an unusual move, but I'm okay with it.

I mean, I'm not going to kick you out of bed over it, but just saying. I think that if this is done right, if the pizza guy is somehow hot, and if you do it in the right way. How many hot pizza guys do you think are at work? I mean, that's the problem. It's like the old saying, though. It's like it's not sexual harassment if somehow like hot. And if you do it in the right way, I mean, that's the problem. It's like, you know, the old,

the old saying though, it's like, it's not sexual harassment if they're hot. If you know this girl, let's say this girl comes in every now and then, let's say she orders a lot, but also let's say she pops in. So maybe you see her,

maybe it's like, you can kind of connect the face with the number. There's a little bit more there. I think you can pull this off, but, uh, if it's just straight phone calls. And then again, if you have the wrong girl, you're fucked. But I think if it's just straight phone calls and you are not taking any of the hints of her being like, okay, thanks, bye, then you're harassing her.

Yeah. I think we've definitely crossed that line. I don't think you can – if you're the pizza delivery guy, there's – You think it can be done? I think face-to-face maybe you can make a move. You can't just go into the fucking data system and start texting tricks. I think face-to-face if you're like, if you're saying, hi, I'm Tom. Pleasure to meet you.

I see you get pizza a lot. Love to take you out for a nicer pizza one time. You can swing that face-to-face if you have the stones for it. But you can't be hacking the sissy. What about the same way we have already come up with Netflix? What about a dating app like this? Go on. Based on your food ordering habits.

So like the same way that it's like based on. Yeah, like seamless. What's like a fucking pun's like based on seamless, yeah. Like, like seamless, uh, what's like a fucking pun about like your love, you know what I mean? Like seamless hearts or some shit. I don't know. And you, uh, yeah. Dream, dream, dreamful. Um, if I, you know, let's say I am on one of my kicks and I order, I'm ordering a cheesy gordita crunch for breakfast, lunch and dinner for 30 straight days. And I see that there's some girl who maybe is ordering cheesy gordita crunches, too. I'd be inclined to talk to her. It's a nice break. Would I don't think you would.

I started salads every day. I mean, that could be she could be maybe the one. I'm not trying to fucking take a role. But see, aren't you a gal loves her cheese gordita every single day. That's why you're alone, John, because maybe there's more to life than just looks. I'm alone, Kevin, because everyone's disgusting except for me and no one else is interesting.

You don't think that, I mean, the two things people love the most in the world are their TV and their food. And I think if you find that you have common ground based on the restaurants you order from or the type of food you get, and it's just like an easy icebreaker,

I could see that being the problem. Aren't you a big proponent of separate dinners? Now you want to match with somebody? Good point. Well, I'm separate dinners when they fucking don't want to eat the same thing as me. I'll eat a dinner with you if you want a cheese cortina crunch.

It's always the problem, the whole problem with, and why I propose separate dinners, is when it's like, hey, what do you want a cheese cortina crunch. It's always the problem. The whole problem with and why I propose separate dinners is when it's like, hey, what do you want for dinner? You pick. All right. I want cheeseburgers. Oh, no.

I don't want that. Well, pizza. No, I'm trying to eat healthy. All right. Well, you fucking pick then. And then they pick a salad and it's like, well, I still want the cheeseburger. I'm the best at that, by the way. Because I am a you pick guy. But whatever the fuck you say, I'll eat.

Yeah, because you're a guy. The girl will say you pick, and then you pick, and then they don't do it. I do it with Keith every day. You guys are dating. Always eat lunch. And he goes, what do you want? I say, whatever you're getting. And he goes, where do you want to get from?

I say, wherever. He says, what do you want? I say, whatever you're getting. Just get two of them. Just whatever you're getting. Has he ever gotten something and you've been like, this is awful. What are we doing here? It's all fine.

You're also weird. You don't have like taste buds. You don't care what food tastes like. There are a lot of times I will be recording and I'll come out and I'll have lunch on my desk. Don't even know what it is? Don't know what it is. Just eat it. You put food in front of me, I will eat it.

I think you can find love through food. I think food is very sensual. Whoa. All right, George. Yeah, exactly. All right, boys. Would you rather only be able to watch movies you've already seen and never be able to see a new movie again,

or only able to see a new movie again, or only able to see new movies and never be able to watch a new currently seen ever again? Wow. This is a question. Sorry, I didn't listen. You can either only watch movies you've already seen. So starting right now today, you never get to watch a new movie.

Oh, right, right, right. Or B, you can never re-watch a movie. You can only watch a movie one time. Equally important. Obviously, the thought of giving up every new movie from here on out sucks. When Avengers comes out, haven't seen it. When, you know, the fucking Mile 22 with Marky Mark comes out, can't see it. However, the thought that you can't just pop on TNT, TBS, or one of the movie channels on a Saturday afternoon and re-watch, oh, I don't know, The Rock.

Ever heard of it? If my father couldn't have re-watched The Last of the Mohicans, he probably would have slaughtered the whole family by now. The re-watchability is one of the most important things in the world. You left out Shooter. Shooter. Imagine not watching Bob Lee's Swagger ever again. I mean, I think practically right off the bat, you got to say like, I still have to be able to see a new movie. I can't not see any more movies from now until I die. But man, it's going to be hard giving up the rewatchability.

Yeah, it is. But not that hard for me, I don't think. No? No. It's all you do, no? All I do is watch rewatch at the office. TV, yeah. Yeah, TV.

You throw TV. What about that? TV is a whole different story. What would you pick on that? Oh. I still think I got to keep going current, just for my job's sake and for social. Yeah, you got to be able to talk about it.

You got to be able to talk about new stuff. Right. You can't. And you've already seen it so it's not like you forget all your references. You still have all your references, your Seinfeld references.

Now, I'll say this. You give me like 10 or 15 more years, maybe 20 more years, I'll give myself a little edge here, where you basically aren't gonna be seeing

new shit anyway and you kind of check out on life and you're just like, I only like what I used to like. Maybe that. Nah, you can't give it up because you need Keegan.

Yeah, that's true. One of the three things dads do with their sons. You go to movies, games, and bars. True. And buy them hookers. When they turn 16. Yeah, I guess you're right. But if I'm talking in a vacuum, I'm probably not going to be up on all the new shit anyway.

I don't know if making sure I see everything, but making sure I'm able to rewatch those. Like at some point when you're older, and I'm kind of going through this now a little bit, I have such limited free time that when I do have it, I got to make sure it counts.

So it's like, am I going to watch this new show that people are kind of in on but kind of out on, or am I just going to rewatch fucking Sonny? Because I know I'm going to laugh you know what I mean you know what at that time you're going to

have new Sonny's don't care how old you are doesn't matter they will always be and that that might be the answer right there even you know if you're on the fence about it the fact that always Sonny in Philadelphia you can put out new episodes and you wouldn't be allowed to see it no can't do it

hey KFC fights SPBC I just had a quick question Philadelphia, you could put out new episodes and you wouldn't be allowed to see it. No, can't do it. Hey, KFC Fights SPBC. I just had a quick question concerning shared Netflix accounts. I was just wondering what you guys would say the protocol is when you let, not a bunch of

people, but you let one or two close friends use your Netflix. You know how Netflix has that really stupid rule where you can only watch on three screens at once well I tried to tried to hop on Netflix the other day and both of my friends and my sister like don't pay for the Netflix account however they definitely use it we're on. So I couldn't watch anything. And I felt like such an ass, like wanting to text them to get off. But like, do you think that's my right as the account holder and the one that pays the monthly subscription? Or you think like, I just kind of got to suck it up and just try to beat them to it.

Thanks, Viva. Actually, when she says it that way, it's like first come, first serve. I do kind of respect that. I think if you are the account holder and you want to have yourself a nice night where you're binging and you find out that you can't use your own Netflix account, I think you have the right to say something. You can throw a text out for sure. I probably wouldn't text a friend. I text my brother to get the fuck off the account. Yeah.

Would you text me? No, I probably wouldn't text you. No. I don't know if I'm offended by that. It's actually weird that I... Respect that. It's weird that I... Oh, you should respect it.

It's not a mean thing. No, I'm just saying I thought maybe I would have been on the same level as your brother. You are, but you're on a higher level than my brother. Oh, wow. The thing that is crazy, I have about 15 people who have asked me for a network special netflix password over the years give it to everybody i've never had this happen to me yeah i mean it must be uh like a lot of people logged in like they must give it to i that's three is not that's not true i can't i can't imagine there are always three people

watching my that's what i'm saying i feel like it has to be like 10. I feel like it's a rarity where where everyone they give it to friends and friends give it to friends and they all happen to log in at once. But I have so many people who have my Netflix account when I'm lonely. I just change it. So they have to text me. That's not true. OK, that's a great fucking. That's like a great bit, though.

If you ever do stand up, start with that. That's really fucking funny. Like how, how, how alone are you? How depressed are you? That's really good. That's like, Hey, yes. How, how depressed are you? I'm so depressed.

I force people to text me. That's amazing. The, uh, the, I, I actually, I've held off on changing it just because I know ex-girlfriends have it and I don't want them to think I'm changing it because of it. Right. So I'll wait like two years

and then change it. Yeah, it's like, you're not going to think it wasn't about you. You're not on my mind. I'm definitely not going to change it so that you think that I change it. I'm not thinking about you at all.

Yeah. You know, get out of here. I'm up like fucking Pepe Silvia. Here's what you'll think. But I've moved on. I'm not thinking about you at all uh i think you have the right to do so i do think that some people might respond like jesus christ fucking dick but it's like again from my point of view when i go home and

i have a rare night to myself where i'm gonna fucking binge i want to be able to binge and it's my account and i can't use it you almost need like a a punt button where you kick everybody out i think i think if you just change the password yeah maybe that's what you do and then they'll have to text you and then it'll be a thing you know right i i have one buddy who texts me every time i change my password and it's not often it's probably been three times um and never because i felt like it i was always prompted to for some reason like i changed my credit card i had to that. I forget why I've ever changed it, but I have a couple times. And every time he texts me, he says, yo, I unplugged my Apple TV.

I guess it loses all the passwords. Can I have yours again? You didn't. I changed it. You're just lying. Change the password. You can have it, sure. You didn't unplug it.

That's not what happens. You know you didn't do any of that. Just ask me for the password. I always say that, though, when talking about situations like that, where I always say, just ask me. I don't care. But roles reversed, I'll make up an excuse. No doubt.

No doubt about it. Hey. While we're on the topic of Netflix, Netflix Party has been out for a couple years. I don't know how we haven't heard about it yet. It's going to revolutionize the world. You were kind of texting about it last night. So it's 25 people get to watch it at the same time and chat about it. Yeah, you put like an extension

like a Chrome extension on your browser and you all I guess like log into it or whatever and you can start the same Netflix at the same exact time and there's a chat so you can watch remotely. So, you know,

let's say you got a little long distance relationship going on and you want to do like the Kramer where they're watching TV on the phone together. You can do that. And you don't have to do like the, like, I don't think anybody's actually ever done this, but I thought about it being like three, two, one press play.

So you're at the exact same time. I did that in college. Does it work? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this, this is a second off or something like that.

Close enough. Yeah. This is, uh, you'll know you're watching the exact same thing. Does it work? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, this... I'm sure we were a second off or something like that. Right, close enough. But, yeah. This is... You'll know you're watching the exact same thing. There's, like, a chat bar, so you can interact, a little chat room. And I believe you can do up to 25 people.

So, I haven't figured out how this is going to work yet, but there will be a KFC Radio Netflix party somehow, someway soon. I don't know how we're going to determine the 25 people. You either have to, like, show up somewhere or do something or buy something or whatever, and you'll get first come, first serve once you do that. And we're going to have ourselves a little binge party.

I'm excited. Yeah, it's going to be dope. It'll be like we did alone together. Now it's like we're not even going to go to the bar. We're going to stay in a house. And we'll watch a fucking show or a movie or whatever it is all together. So be on the lookout for a KFC Radio Netflix party coming to you soon. So, hey, guys, I have a quick question for you.

I am 22 years old. I just graduated from a big university. It's a big college town. And I'm staying in the same town to work at the hospital. I just graduated as a nurse. And so my question for you guys is like, is it still cool for me to like hang out at college bars, hang out with like these college people? Can I do it for like a couple of years?

Can I do it forever? Just kind of like how should I handle that situation? Should I be doing the same thing I did for the past three years or not? So just love to hear it. First of all, shout out to the nurses, all the male nurses out there. You keep doing you. Those guys, those guys have it made, man. Do they?

How come? I mean, I think being a nurse is a sweet gig. I think if you're happy being a nurse and then you're the only guy, I think people kind of leave you alone. That's true. You know, it's like the girl, you don't have to do the girly shit like all the other girl nurses get together. It's like you can hang out with them if you want, but no one's really going to bother you because you're the only male nurse out there. I just think the nurse life is very free.

I can see that. Okay, you sold me. So it's not cool to hang out in the college town afterwards, I don't think. I don't think so. It's tough for me, though, because I think of, like, when we go to Newport, and, like, sometimes we go to a bar,

and, I mean, Newport's very much everyone. So sometimes I'll just see a girl and be like, oh, you're really young. But then I'll look across the bar, and that guy's 70 so it's but that's the thing i mean like those summer towns like they're different college has a fucking start date and end date yeah everywhere else it's open-ended and you can start you know when you're 21 or when you're you know you got yourself a fake id and you can go to your dead and that's okay the college town is not that the college town you're not going to see the 70 year old-old for a reason.

Everyone is going to be between 18 and 22, 23 here. And if you're 24 and you're pushing it. I think you can rip until 25. I think 25 is cut off. I mean, it's also you can do whatever you want. Right, right. But I think it's like if you're asking this question, you're already apprehensive about it. And you're probably going to feel weird.

And then that's gonna translate if you if you just show up and you're fucking like stifler and you're just like i'm the life of the party and i'm never gonna get i'm never getting old let's fucking cook i'm sure you can do that but if you're like is this a little weird you probably look like the 25 year old so you have to understand that and people recognize. They're going to smell it on you. They're going to smell that super senior stank on you. Yeah, absolutely. So if you're going to do it, you've got to own it. See, I disagree with that. I think if you're going to do it, do it quietly.

I don't think you'd do it at all. Yeah, no, I would recommend not doing it at all. I think I would either rage or just not do it at all. Because I think if you do it quietly, that's what we're talking about. It's like, oh, there's that weirdo who's trying to be at the bar but trying to go unnoticed. But if you're raging, there's that weirdo who thinks he's cool and he's a fucking loser. You're the talk of the day. But that's why you have to be okay with it.

It's like Dave has to be okay with the fact that these young kids want to use him for drinks and money and shit. But if you're okay with that, you're having a blast. I suppose. But it takes a, with that, you're having a blast. I suppose. But it takes a... That mentality is hard. It's hard to be out at a bar with everyone your age, let alone with kids. Right? Especially if you're talking to people who are just openly acknowledging that they're under 21. That's weird.

And you realize there's a difference between 18 18, 19 and even like 22, 23. It's like, yeah, you're a child. You're a baby. And I'm still a young asshole. But at least I have a little bit more responsibility or a little bit more perspective. And then the 25 year olds look at the 23 year olds like an asshole. Then, you know, it just keeps going. It's a dominoes thing. But, you know, it's for for the most part everyone's doing the same thing and looking for the same thing but there's degrees to it there's levels to it where it's like yeah no you're you're you're even more of an asshole than i am just a couple year difference makes you that much bigger wider of an asshole final voicemail of the day it's brought to you by omax Omax is smart pills for stupid people.

I got to go take mine right now. I totally forgot about it. I mean, that's very meta when you're forgetting to take your forget pills. I forget I put them in my drawer on my desk. You need one of those old people, like Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, just got a little box in it. And I'll mix some dick pills in there and fuck with you and stuff like that. Fido Burgers has an uncontrollable boner.

Yeah, you should definitely do that. Prank me with hard dick. Joke's on me. I'm going to take care of this. Kevin got me again. The Omax Cognitive Boost. It's a daily supplement that it just fixes all the problems. Again, John, you referenced it earlier, the younger folks out there.

Right now, their brains work, John. They wake up in the morning. Guess what? What a dream that must be. They can remember yesterday. Yo, it's crazy. Right? Last night, I was at the apartment.

Gaz came home, and he's like, It's crazy that you live with Gaz. He's like, I went out there, and I said, I wouldn't know. I haven't been outside today. He said, come on, tell me you've been inside since gas. He's like, he's like, I went out there and I said, I wouldn't know. I haven't been outside today. And he said, come on, tell me you've been inside since Friday. And I thought about it for like 15 minutes. I didn't even get wasted. I don't know.

I did go out for dinner. Yeah. But I just don't remember where, how it happened, where I was. And I actually like when I like sometimes my parents will like really forget shit. And I'm like, come on, come on. You don't remember you told me this verbatim last night it's usually because they've been drinking but I mean I just think to myself you tack on another like 30 years from where I'm at now I ain't gonna remember my fucking name I'm gonna have like Parkinson's without having

Parkinson's I'm not gonna remember shit so right now if your brain works do you have a good memory if you can remember Alzheimer's Alzheimer's see I mean look at this that's perfect I need a cognitive boost I was gonna let you have that but then I knew that like if it was just a conversation between you and I but you know the listeners are gonna go crazy

my grandma had it and you got it wrong fuck you and your grandma anyway if you if you need to boost your brain, if you're one of these young kids, you know what, if you're young, it's almost like the Propecia for your hair. Start taking it now. Even if your brain works, you want to capture and keep that cognitive ability. It doesn't matter if you're a student. It doesn't matter if you're new to the workforce.

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My joints stink. I worked out on Friday. Oh, look at me, John. I worked out. Fuck you, John. Unbelievable. I couldn't, Friday. Oh, look at me, John. I worked out. Fuck you, John. Unbelievable. I couldn't even get

that far. Omaxboost.com slash KFC saved 70% off. Final voicemail. Let's do it. Yo, KFC. You're a gaper. Super producer BC. I just heard a little bit about the Denver airport. I'm going to start doing that.

I'm going to start calling big assholes gates. Oh, you're a gate. You're a real big ass. It goes on there. Allegedly goes on there. My question was, how close would you ever want to live to something that you knew was haunted

or had a big conspiracy or something like that? All right, let me know what you think. Not close at all. Fucking not close at all. Why would anybody be like, oh, that's's the haunted house i want to live in there yeah if it was up to me other side of the country what kind of question is that no i mean there there are weirdos like i love like the proximity to like he like how close would you like ah 275 feet like what is that i want no part of the Denver airport. That thing is haunted.

That thing for sure has alien Illuminati ghosts straight up. Nazi. Like cult Nazis going on. I want no part of that. No smoke with the fucking blue Bronco that literally has fallen on top of people and killed them. I want nothing to do with the Nazi paintings. You said no smoke. I want no smoke with that fucking Bronco. No smoke, no smoke.

I want nothing to do with the underground layers that nobody's ever been in after day one of the airport. And the haunted house, like, fuck that noise, man. I've told this story when I was in a close encounter with a haunting. It was terrible. I don't want to. What was that? The Indian? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Pray tell. Go on. Yeah. So it was the first date. We went to a haunted house. My high school had an abandoned house. Not on the property, but when you turn down the street, there's just this abandoned farm stuff.

Yeah, hit that blue kid. There's an abandoned farm-style house. And so it was – I don't know if it was exactly a first date, but it was before we had sex date. And so we went and we broke into this house. And in the basement, I just saw this cool-ass, like, Indian chief statue. I decided I wanted it. So I took it. How reckless can one be?

I'm going to steal an indian chief statue there's no way there's anything going on with that and um you know i honestly i forget exactly what i did with it at first but i decided i didn't want it anymore so i brought it to my buddy's house and just left it outside and called him i said yo i got you a dope statue bring it in and uh so he he kept it put in his room said he had nightmares all night said he heard noises all this freaky shit so he said he went back and he threw it into the house just threw it in through a window return it to from whence it came i said i'm gonna go get that thing back and put it back in his house it's crazy crazy how much you just fuck with the other world.

So I went to go get it. And as I picked it up, I put it in my car. I got a call from my mom saying I needed to get my brother. He was in Boston. So I started driving to Boston. And then started a torrential downpour. And I was passing the Burger King on 24. And I just went to change lanes. Got hit in the back.

Did like a full spin out. Ended up just in the high speed lane facing oncoming traffic. I thought, well, that's weird. Strange. So I get picked up. Make sure I bring the Indian statue with me for God knows what reason. Go get my dad's car. Hit again.

Hit from behind this time. That's weird. Get picked up. Decide I'm going to keep car hit again. You hit from behind this time. That's right. Get picked up. Decide I'm going to keep the statue again. I'm still like, there's no way the statue was anything to do with it. And I, and I maintain that thought.

And, um, the, so then years later go by and this kid, my buddy Brian comes to my house and I forgot I'd had this in the garage. And we were, I think we might've been lifting weights in the garage to be honest but we were doing something

damn boy we were doing something in the garage and I saw it I was like oh that's right I forgot about this thing so I say

yo bright and I throw it to him and he freaked out and then fell into like fell like down the stairs like into a table saw cut his hand wide open fucking Indian chief

coming for blood yeah final destination shit he was gonna kill these white boys no matter what I think I still have it no wonder your life stinks

you still haven't returned it I don't I forget I mean this was out of office we're gonna go get the Indian and return it from the haunted haunted house

I'm serious I think the house might have been razed by now I think it's gone oh that's it so now you're stuck yeah now that Indian ghost is stuck in limbo forever.

Yeah, it's just my guy now. I mean, I told you about my haunted house. It was just not too long ago. Those things running all around upstairs. And I mean, that was the scariest thing that's ever happened to me. And that was for sure a human or a humanoid ghost. I mean, there is no doubt in my brain that that was what was going on yeah there was no animal it was not a pitter patter of like squirrel feet it was not it was

either an intruder or a ghost tiny intruder no it was that's what i mean it was a it was not there was no way it was like a squirrel or a raccoon or something like in the walls. This was like fucking footsteps, man. I'm telling you. That was either a ghost or an intruder. And I will take that to my grave, which I probably will meet early because I hang around with a guy who stole an Indian chief's hat. The Friday night was a handpick. What does that mean? The pick that Kay Marco tweeted out of your hand. Oh, Johnny. I didn't think that was a bad one. What does that mean? The pick that K Marco tweeted out of your hand.

Oh, Johnny. I didn't think that was a bad one. Oh, it was. I was dying at the idea of you being like, that's actually my hot hand. Yeah, I was good at that. That looked like somebody took a hammer and smashed your paws with it.

I don't think my hands look that bad today. Well, John, that picture was not today. I've got hand confidence got uh i don't know i got hand confidence it was a picture keith posted a picture of him his cocktail for the night and in the background was john's fat swollen bear paws and it really looked like someone had mauled him with a like not even like with the claw side of the hammer like like i'll tell you what there are some things you can make fun of me for that, um, that affect me. Mm-hmm.

I'm fine with my hands. Spoken like a guy who's affected by his fat hand jokes. No, I'm fine. It's fine. You can make fun of me for that. It's no big deal. I don't even think about it.

Fine. My hands are awesome. I just thought... You know what's crazy? You know what's crazy, Logan? That he, like, like, he fingers girls with the thing.

I know. That was, like, the majority of the comments was, like, people being like, oh, my God. Like, girls let that inside of them? They let you do things to you with those hands? I just use one finger. That's all it takes.

I never put two fingers on girls. I mean, that's, like, two fingers for anybody else. Yeah. Like, four fingers. I never put two fingers. Like, if John, like, fingers you with, like, his pointer, it's like you're getting fisted. It's like, I feel like, like, if I had, like, a point star dick, like, I just wouldn't have sex with girls because this is going to hurt you. That's like I'm with two fingers.

I hurt you. Yeah. This is just not going to be enjoyable for you. You're not going to like this. You know what it's like? It's like a hoof. It's like John puts his hooves inside you. It's like, you know, like the devil.

He's got like a tail sticking out and hooves for feet. That's John. Yeah. And they look like almost, you know what you look like? You ever see those like sad stories about like a pony that's been neglected by its owner and like the hoof like fingernails are like all overgrown and like hooks? That's your hands. You got neglected pony hands.

I don't even understand the reference. I mean, I can picture it in my head. I'll show you. I have not seen many ponies who are neglected. Imagine neglecting a pony. What kind of monster do you have to be to neglect a pony? I mean, John, you're telling me that's a good picture? We're looking at it right now.

We'll put it up on KC Radio for you today. I don't mind that pic. I'm fine with it. I mean, that just shows how broken and battered you are. That looks like a legitimate claw. That looks like. Well, I hold cups weird. That's what it is. You pig. I mean, that just shows how broken and battered you are. That looks like a legitimate claw. That looks like... Well, I hold cups weird. That's what it is.

You do. You do this thing with, like, three fingers, and then, like, you have a top finger. That's a long glass, so I don't do it. But, like, if I have, like... You put the pinky on the bottom? Yeah, I put a pinky on the bottom. It's almost like how you hold your iPhone. That's actually what it is.

See, that's how you hold your phone. You have the pinky. Yeah. I mean, everyone in America right now, pick up your iPhone. I promise you that your pinky is supporting the bottom of the... The Canadian listeners hold their phones differently alright Mr. Literal over here

you I once rest in peace to my man Uncle Billy he died recently he was like 90 something years old he had his body was like all broken down by the end and he had this claw for a hand they actually used to inject it with Botox because it would it would like finally let it relax but otherwise what the fuck with Botox because it would finally let it relax.

What the fuck does Botox do? I don't know. It does everything, apparently. What the fuck are you talking about? It helps things relax. I thought it tightened everything. Girls do it for their face. I do it for my armpits. It helped Uncle Billy's claw hand go back to normal. Botox is like the liquid duct tape. Yeah, it does everything. It's like

Bactine. Bactine used to be a big thing in my house. Any sort of injury, any sort of anything, put some Bactine on it. You're good to go. This shit here, I mean, this is the claw hand that you have. You need some Botox in your fingers, bro. My fingers work fine. It's just I hold cups weird. They work fine.

They look disgusting. One of these days, you're going to get one right across your fucking nose. I mean, if you hit me with that thing, it might kill me. It's like, again, the pony hoof. Did you guys talk about the Tiana Trump tweet on Friday night? Oh, what she said? Oh, Brittany Renner sucks dick better. That's not true.

Can't be true. I mean, I really respect the fact that Tiana Trump is hyping up her girl. Clearly they do have something in the works, right? I would imagine so. Right? Like I would imagine that means like they filmed a video together where they, or maybe they just had like a private personal threesome. Yeah.

But I mean, she said, this is at 8 p.m. on Friday night. Plot twist, Brittany Renner sucks dick better than me with the clapping emoji. You know what immediately came to mind when I saw that? There was an ESPN magazine. This is a throwback because I don't think that's in existence anymore. There was an ESPN magazine article. How about how ESPN magazine was just shaped so stupidly? Yeah.

Giant square. Why did you have to make your magazine continue? There was an article years and years ago about Sidney Crosby. This was before he was Sidney. I mean, he was Sidney Crosby. Sidney Crosby was always kind of like a LeBron. Yeah, you always knew the name. Yeah, he was coming up.

It was like, okay, that kid's the future. But there was an article. I forget if it was strictly about Sidney or strictly about Wayne Gretzky's thoughts on Sidney, but he said something along the lines of he had skated with Sidney Crosby, and he said that kid's better than I ever was. He's going to break every record I ever had.

And that was Wayne Gretzky just being nice to a newcomer. Yeah, of course. That's exactly what Tiana's doing here. That's what I thought. She's being respectful and she's like hyping her girl up. And you know what the thing is? It's only when you're Gretzky. Right.

It's only when you're Jordan. Only when you're the best. When you are the best, you know you can hand out these compliments because deep down everyone is saying exactly what John just said. Like, you're not yeah if you're if you're not the absolute best you're not doing that because you because you want you want to be you do want to be the best and you're not trying to give it anybody compliments because you want people complimenting you it's only when you're the absolute best and tiana trump is the absolute best considering you know of course if

heather brooke is like retired from the game because She's the absolute best. But Tiana, it's like... You know, Tiana is just an effort. I think Tiana might be better. Because you know what? You know what it is? Heather Brook is too good at it. It just disappears, and it's just like, that's incredible.

There's no effort. But there's no slobber and noises. That's what they say about the greats. They make it look effortless. Yeah, right. You know what? That's the Carlos Beltran effect. When Beltran was in New York, he used

to get so much heat from the media because they were like, look, he doesn't even care. And it was like, no, bro. It looks like he's jogging, but he's flying around the bases. He's running down balls in the gap faster than anybody else would, but he's not even trying. I actually had this tweet about Jackie Bradley.

He just makes it too easy. Saturday afternoon, I think. It's so cool and effortless. Yep. I mean, he was going back on a line drive that was pretty much in the triangle, and it was, he didn't even look like he was really trying. He ended up turning and backpedaling and just, like, one hand, like, almost, like,

Snatched it. Attacked it, rather than, like, receiving the ball, like, attacked it. He's like, that's fucking, like, like, he catch a fly. He's like, that's easy for me. This shit is easy. The good will hunting of baseball. That's, Tiana is like, here's the thing.

Heather Brook gives a silent blowjob. Yeah. I need, I want to hear my blowjob. Okay. Like, like I think. I want to be able to have it as a, as a, uh, MP4. Like when, when you're describing, when you're describing a Tiana Trump video, MP3 and before the videos, when you're describing a Tiana Trump video, you want to be like, yo, did you hear the new Tiana Trump video?

So I mean, did you see that new shit? I wanted, I want all five senses when I'm, when I'm getting fucking head. Okay. I want to be able to hear it in my soul, okay? That's almost more important than the feeling. You're like, oh yeah, no, listen, it was very toothy, but it sounded

great. Okay, I'm in. So she puts forth an effort that is... Tiana Trump videos could be like on the Billboard Hot 100. You know what we need to do? You almost need a producer to like like you remember when skrillex made um the bieber joint uh where are you now whatever the fucking you know all the every title bieber did for like a year straight was like the same exact name

but it was it was bieber said yeah and he just you made it sound like a dolphin noise someone needs to use tiana trump noises as a beach that that would be fire so i respect what you're doing here i know she's trying to put this new girl on to some porn but it's cocky because she knows she's the best she knows she's the greatest it's also kind of funny i'm gonna get racial with you real quick kind of funny that like the widely regarded

like best black porn star is like basically a white girl it's like she's so light skinned she's very light skinned it's like you know

she's she's got like white girl hair white girl she's white the goats Shade of Fire yeah

Shade of Fire brother she's what was the there's another one I love. Except when she went through her braces phase. I can't do braces, man.

Braces are tough. It's like, right, at least get me some Invisalign, girl, come on. And I feel like

almost some porn stars do it on purpose because like, it's a weird thing. You gotta get the perverts into me and I'm gonna get, imagine that,

that's dedication to the game. If you get braces for the perverts. I gotta make an orthodontist appointment so I can get my porn hub searches that, that's dedication to the game. If you get braces, I got to make an orthodontist appointment so I can get my point of searches up. Imagine you get to the dentist and they're like, yo, your teeth are straight.

Nah, nah, there's that one. The bicuspid needs to be fixed a little bit. Okay. All right. Let's get to Tony. Let's get to Tony Rock before we get completely off the rails. But I'll be on the lookout for that

Tiana Trump, Brittany Renner. You know what I'm saying? Tony Rock, Chris's brother, joins us us once again this interview is brought to you by felix gray now when you're staring down the screen for all the things we were just talking about whatever the reason may be that you're looking at your computer screen you can get that digital eye strain uh it's it's a little something called blue light and glare that mess with your light and glare that mess with your eyeballs and then that messes with your head you get headaches when your eyes hurt

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It's a hot fucking summer ass day. We appreciate you coming through in the heat. I probably would have been like, yeah, I'm going to come through. And then I woke up and saw the weather and I would have been like. And I walked from the hotel. So, you know, that line starts going down your back of sweat. Dude. Okay.

I got to get there. I got to hurry up and get there. The other day I did the levels of, of, of sweat. We went down to DC for the MLB all-star game and it was like 250 degrees. It was the, it was the worst two days of my life. Yeah, it really was. I've lived a charmed life, but the heat for those two days were the worst days of my life. It was unbearably hot,

so I said, pit sweat, like, that's pretty common. Everybody gets a little bit of pit sweat, and you get the back sweat, but I had the belly sweat going. That's the worst,

because that also means your shirt don't fit and you need to lose some weight, and now you got these weird patches showing up. I was like, I need to get the fuck out of this city. It's too hot.

Yeah, patches here is normal. Yeah, down the back, it's like, all right, no, no, not good, man, not good at hot. Yeah, Patch is here. It's normal. Yeah. Down the back, it's like, all right. Patch here? No. Something's going on.

No, not good, man. Not good at all. I got tickets to the Mets game tonight and I'm like, considering like, you know what? Don't consider.

I was going to say. Let's say it right now. You're not going to have fun. Last time you were here, you were telling me to be optimistic and shit and look.

Look what the fuck happened. Really optimistic. And look what the fuck happened. We were like 10-0 to start the season. I'm like, wait, this is the year. Guess what? It wasn't 30 fucking years in a row.

They just pulled the mask off like, nah, still the same mix. We had you guys going. I was still like so skeptical, obviously. I was telling everyone like, no, not yet, not yet. But I started to buy in just a little bit because it did feel different. And then, and now it's never been more the same like they went way when the pendulum went all the way back fucking brutal beyond how bad we normally right right i loved harvey today though uh he was harvey's doing a press conference at four and

the mets had asked him they said you know uh mickey calloway's doing a four can you do it either three four 345 or 415 harvey said, nah, fuck off. I'm doing it at 4. He said, I'm doing it at 4. Good for him. Good for him. Yeah, right? I mean, that's the dream, right? Everyone wants to go back to your employer and be like, yo, fuck you. I'm ruining your day.

Is he pitching today? No, he's not pitching all series. Okay. I don't know why he's having a press conference. I kind of wish. Well, just because. Yeah, exactly. A thousand percent.

I'm surprised they didn't juggle the rotation. You're going to pitch out one day rest because we need you. So before you came in, doing a little research because we're professionals. What's Tony doing? And we see the show you're working on on BET, Black Cards Revoked. Black Cards Revoked, yes. You can be white and have a black card too, just so you know. Well, we want to get into the whole world of black cards, because I think it's a hilarious... I mean, the game seems funny.

The fucking show is a riot. I mean, I just watched the quick clip of... You said, when we're not debating which is the better Aunt Viv, which conspiracy theory are we debating? And everybody across the board answering Tupac is still alive. It was so perfect. And all three little duos were like, I saw him last week. Yeah, everyone was like, I saw him last week. Yeah.

I was like, I just saw him. He was selling his own t-shirts. It was very fucking funny. That's a big one in the hood. Yeah. That's a big one. Reports are that he's in Cuba. Yeah.

I mean, that's just the fact. And then some reports are like he's in France somewhere. Someone on the show said Nigeria. Oh. Yeah. I think out of all the conspiracy theories, and we're big on conspiracy theories here. We've been putting one on the site, one a week, just diving into all these different things. Give me the biggest one.

The most recent one was, have you heard about the Denver airport? Oh, the underneath is the Denver airport. Yeah. There's some shit going on. And the painting on the wall indicates where to go. And the statue that's killed multiple people. Yes. The artist who designed the statue fell on him and killed him. Yeah. So we were that's killed multiple people. Yes. The artist who designed

the statue fell on him and killed him. So we were diving into that one. Yeah, I heard that one. A flight attendant told me that one. Really?

Yeah. Oh, flight attendants. She's like, when you go to the Denver airport, look for these things. You're going to see this sign. I'm in the airport like, oh, wait a minute.

And people are looking at me like, yeah, you see it? Yeah. And it's so big. It doesn't need to be. Right. In the middle of nowhere, you see.

In the middle of nowhere, an airport the middle of nowhere an airport that big come on and they say there's like a plaque that says like you know the dedicated by like when they broke ground or whatever

and it's by like the national aeronautical space whatever it is and that's just not a fucking thing like you google it it doesn't exist

right so we did that one we did the mattress firm you heard that one no mattress firm is a is that one? No. Mattress firm is an international, or at least a national money laundering drug firm. Everywhere you go, every city, you'll see like 10 storefronts of mattress firm.

Nobody's ever in them. Who the fuck is just shopping? There's one on 3rd Avenue on like 23rd Street, and then there's one on like 19th Street. They're like right next to each other. Why do we need two storefronts? Someone sent a video the other day. They're literally across the street. It's a mattress firm and a mattress firm. I mean, if you're telling me that ain't some money laundering.

No, that one. Oh, yeah. We're selling mattresses all across the country. It's one thing. It's one thing for a Starbucks to be like a block away because everyone drinks coffee. People don't buy that many mattresses. You buy like two in your lifetime. It's crazy.

Who's that? You buy like the first, I remember when I was like first out of college or maybe a couple years out of college when I found out a little bit of money and I bought like

a thousand dollar mattress and I was like, this is going to last me forever. I don't care what happens. I have a house in LA. I bought two, I have a three bedroom. I bought two mattresses,

two of the same exact mattresses for the big bedrooms and then a smaller mattress like a queen size for the other bedroom and I still, same mattresses then a smaller mattress like a queen size for the other bedroom and that's still the same mattress? It could be like

a fucking hole in it like done. You flip it over that's another mattress. So we've been diving into the conspiracy theories but I think

me personally if it ever came out that Tupac really just was alive it would be like the greatest thing to ever happen. But for what? I don't know why.

Just, you know what? Just to watch black people go wild. It would be incredible. Take all like the hype for Obama becoming president, mix it with all like LeBron, put it all together. It would be something, man. The game is. That'd be a scene. He came back and ran for president and opened a school.

Yo, what a move by LeBron to open that school. It's like... I mean, obviously, it's a very... It is an intrinsically good thing to do, but also just the goodwill you get and everything. He can do no wrong now. It trumps every... Everything.

Every black athlete ever. Yep. It's like he didn't make more money than Magic. He didn't make more money than Jordan. He's just doing something with it. He just athlete ever. Yep. It's like, he didn't make more money than Magic. He didn't make more money than Jordan. He's just doing something with it. He just did something with it. He's still got way less money

than Jordan. Yeah. Jordan's fucking comment. What'd he say? He was just, I support LJ. He didn't even say his name. I support LJ.

He does a lot for the community. He was like, come on, man. You gotta come a little harder than that. I know Republicans buy shoes too, but Jesus Christ. That's gonna be the next conspiracy theory. Michael Jordan's a fucking robot.

You know what? Michael Jordan's dead. He's not even alive anymore. I support LJ. He does a lot for the community. Nobody has perfected the non-comment comment like MJ. Yes. And it's, I mean, for someone who's of his stature, like, there's never any drama.

You see him play golf every now and then. You see him smoking a cigar. And that's it. Because he just stays the fuck out of it. I mean, he's the owner of an NBA team. I know, but even that is like you never. He never says ball. He always says the game of basketball.

It's always weird to me. So when I was a kid, you know, playing ball was everything. When I was a kid, the game of basketball did so much. It's like, dude, that is some robot shit. The game of basketball. It never says ball. It never says basketball. The game of basketball.

Maybe you've got to be weird like that. Let's get that conspiracy going because he's got those yellow eyes. He's got something weird about him. Yeah, that time he was crying. It was just like the robot was malfunctioning. The card game is funny, though. Black card revoked. So it's kind of like a Cards Against Humanity type party game.

And it's all type of just like black culture type of uh what's the one thing you shouldn't bring to a black cookout that's store-bought okay is it sweet potato pie potato salad i was good just just guessing because i wouldn't know i feel like you bring some fake ass potato salad you're in trouble you're done right that would have been my guess that's it that's the one yes absolutely uh i was gonna say it's all of the above. Macaroni and cheese and like something else, but it's like potato salad, you're done, man. I feel like the

thing that black people love to make fun of white people the most is our food. Yeah, like I just see on Twitter all day long like a picture of like uncooked chicken. You're going to laugh? Go to, like, hashtag white people macaroni and cheese and just look at the pictures. Yeah, but okay. It's like chopped up carrots and peas and a layer of cornflakes on top.

It's like, what the hell is going on here? Yo, I will stand by my crab macaroni and cheese. Fuck you guys. Out the box? Right out the box. Right out of the box. Hell no. Fuck yeah. Hell yeah.

I'm going to go get some for lunch. I don't mind your kind, but don't knock my kind, all right? I dated a girl one time. She came over to my house. I was like, I'm going to cook for you. She came over with bags of groceries. I'm in the kitchen taking everything out of the bag. I'm like, okay.

She took out like the turkey, like a turkey breast. Okay, all right, cool. Some green beans. Oh, sweet. She took the box macaroni out. I took the box. I put, like a turkey breast. Okay, all right, cool. Some green beans. Oh, sweet. She took the box macaroni out. I took the box, I put it back in the bag. I was like, never mind. Put all her shit in a bag.

To this day, to this day, this is like six years ago. To this day, my friends call her Box Mac. That is the best. When your friends, given girls' nicknames, good or bad, is just the funniest shit in the world. I got Box Mac. I got Relentless. I'm at a club one night,

girl I'm messing around with. I'm not dating exclusively. I'm messing around with her. Another girl I'm messing around with is there. I leave with this girl. Relentless sees me. Oh no. She goes to my house

thinking I'm going home, but I went to the girl's house. So my boys pull up. I tell them like, hey, I'm going with her. You guys, here's the key. My house is a girl's house. So my boys pull up. I tell them, like, hey, I'm going with her. You guys, here's the key. My house is a frat house. They pull up at the gate.

She's on top of the gate. No. And, like, my man Dwight presses the gate to open up, and the gate starts knocking. And she's riding on it. He's like, yo, what are you doing? And straight face, not even thinking she's doing anything crazy. Where's Tony?

And he's like, where's Tony? What are you doing on the gate? And then he's like, yo, man, she's relentless. And to this day, relentless's Tony? What are you doing on the gate? And then he's like, yo man, she's relentless. To this day, relentless. That's it,

that's all it takes. The, I do, I'll tell you what though, I am not offended by, obviously, by the food stuff because it's the truest shit

in the whole world. People ask me if I want salt, I'm like, what the fuck do I need salt for? But I'm like that, I eat everything the way it comes. Yeah, it's not

it's not listen if you give me something that's like amazingly seasoned and cooked I'm probably gonna like it better

it's just laziness and if you give me some shit that's not I'm probably just gonna eat it as is I'm just gonna eat food as is there are no spices

in my house or sweet baby rays I drown everything in sweet baby rays just whatever it is cereal blown it up. I got pepper and salt.

That's it. I don't even have that. There's nothing. I don't have any seasoning at all in my house. Whatever it is. However the delivery comes is how it's going to be eaten, bro. That's it, man. Chinese man wanted me to have seasoning.

He brought it when he came. Give me the bag. I'm like, thank you, sir. That's racist for me to be like, you know, this Chinese food needs salt. No, it doesn't. To think that you, John, a white man, would know how to eat Chinese food. It was prepared properly by Chinese

gentlemen. Of course that's how it's supposed to be eaten. A Chinese gentleman gets a bow tie going like... He's killing the rats in the alley. He's cooking those up, man. The rats already come naturally seasoned. Oh, come on. I've been doing that. I've been ordering takeout hibachi a lot.

That's been my kick out of life. It's the move, man. Yeah. It's like, I love the hibachi, but the whole fucking production. I've never been. I don't want to eat dinner with strangers. Wait, wait, wait. Which one did you order from? Fuji.

Fuji. You never done the whole show? I've never been to hibachi. You've got to do it at least once. I don't like to eat dinner with strangers. I'm good in the kitchen. Am I living here? Listen, let's go.

We'll get a table of 12 12 and we'll be amongst friends. It's good to see the show once. They could do some cool shit, man. Yeah, they do. They could do some cool shit. You can round up 12 friends. I got two. You're one of them.

The onion volcano, man. I mean, they're flinging the fucking shrimp into your mouth. The shrimp tail in his hat. Come on. I don't know what you guys are talking about.

Yeah, exactly. Even when they just go like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. It's like they're playing the drums, man. It's wild. There's fire blazing and shit. You stand right there, you open your mouth, they will hit you with a piece of shrimp from like 20 feet away. They do all that to make sure to take away from the fact

that you don't notice you need to use more flavor. I saw a guy once who he did the shrimp thing and he missed and it just like fucking got all over the guy's shirt. And he was just like... What, shot it to his mouth? And missed it and just like, you just like fucking got all over the guy's shirt. Yeah, I would have. And he was just like, what, shot it to his mouth? And missed it and just like, you know, it comes all like saucy and shit. Just hit him on like a white shirt. He was like, what the fuck?

And the guy was just like, but look at the fire. Yeah, there's no way I'd open my mouth to throw it. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. So you said that a white person can have their black card. Yeah, you can have a black card. How does one go about earning one of those? There's some very cool white guys out there, you know, that have some swag and know how to dress and, you know. Let's rattle through some of them.

You tell me black card or not black card. Go ahead. Leo DiCaprio. Black card. Yeah, right? Yeah. He's got every type of card. If sisters want to fuck you, you definitely got to go.

If sisters are like, me and Otto DiCaprio. That's black gold card right there. That's black, black card. He's blacker than you. If the sister's like, okay, you gold, man. Here's, I think, a highly contested one these days. Justin Timberlake. Yeah, yeah.

You give it to him even after the whole people like the Janet Jackson thing. He didn't catch enough heat for it. Blah, blah, blah. It's not his fault he didn't catch heat for it. Right? That's what I always say. That's just being a white dude. It's like the perks of being Justin Timberlake.

Who else we got? Who would be a black card candidate? Ah, fucking A. I just have like Avengers on the mind right now. I watched it this weekend. Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Robert Downey Jr. Probably not. Would you give Tom Brady a black

card? Tom Brady, that's a good one. Like super fucking, obviously, the man. Yeah. Not very like, I don't know, I guess sometimes he's pretty swaggy. He has his moments both ways, though. For sure. I don't know if black chicks are like clamoring for him. I don't think black chicks are like that. I don't know. I guess sometimes he's pretty swaggy. Yeah. He has his moments both ways, though. For sure. Tom Brady. I don't know if black chicks are like clamoring for him.

I don't think black chicks. I don't think black girls are. But I think everyone on his like every every black athlete on his team. That's the thing. You go. So there's got to be something behind closed doors. If the girls want you black card, you walk into like an NFL locker room and everyone's like, what the fuck's up?

You also got one. OK. Right. We'll give it to him. We'll give it to him. I think we just like kind of force you into that one. You don't want You also got one. Okay. Right? We'll give it to him. We'll give it to him. I think we just kind of forced you into that one. You don't want to give it to him. You don't have to give it to him.

He's a winner, so that's impressive. Yeah, I guess so. What about the reverse? Are there any black guys out there you're like, you don't even have a black card? Yeah, there's quite a few. Who doesn't? What black guy doesn't have a black card? Who's like a nerdy, corny?

Fuck. I just had one. It's like a... This is a dangerous game for us to play. Who's like a nerdy, corny... That nerdy black guy ain't cool enough for a black card. Like, okay, white boys, go away now. I'm just picturing guys who wear glasses. That dude from This Is Us.

You watch This Is Us? Oh, fuck yeah. Wow. I haven't even seen that episode yet. Dude. Is that the same dude? You start to cry a little bit. It's a good show.

Is it the same guy as the one from Veep? No, it's the guy from, he was Chris Darden in the O.J. Simpson show. Oh, oh. It's just because he wears glasses. No, he has a black car. Yeah, he's cool as shit. He married Angela Bassett. He's a fucking awesome actor

Courtney B. Vance Yeah yeah yeah Definitely black card I feel like he came out of nowhere He was on the Emmys for that And then he's been at the Emmys A lot since But he's an older guy

Yeah I mean he's doing the damn thing Do you I think we should be His wife is invited every year Do we have any white people played Blackheart Robocat no we've never

that's why I'm hoping we get more episodes I want to play with some white guys I want to have my siblings on and have them go against each other

like I want to have my comic friends like one show just all stand up comics I would love to change it up a little bit I would love to be submitting us for

the first white duo we'll play up to the caricature we'll come in with like backwards hats they'll do like frat boy shit no cause they're like uh uh they act in black the first white duo. We'll play up to the caricature. We'll come in with like backwards hats. They'll do like frat boy shit. No, because they're like,

uh-uh, they act in black. No, no. Pop collars, name tags that say Chad. This is Brad. We're here to play with Black Card Revoked. We just said, we do this pay-per-view every couple months, rough and rowdy.

It's like an amateur boxing. Oh, nice. Yeah, it's, you know, we go to these hillbilly places and people just beat the hell out of each other. It's dangerously close to being bum fights. You ever watch those back in the day? The first one is this weekend? No, we did it yesterday.

Last night we had, and we always have one of the employees here picks a fucking grudge match and they fight. But the first match last night was two brothers. And it was like an older brother, younger younger brother one brother was uh oh that was probably the best fight yeah they went and they they looked like twins they looked like really it was it was uh i think a significant age difference but one dude was like in the national guard older brother and you know pretty pretty together the other guy was like i play fortnight all day i'm just a video

gamer and he was like fuck fuck i think he was like, fuck, fuck. I think he said, like, fuck the military. Fuck my brother. So he was like the bad guy. And they just went at it. Older brother won. But, I mean, you obviously have, like, a few very well-known brothers. Yeah, I would love to beat the shit out of them. I would love to.

When's the next one? I was going to say, you know, open invite if the Rock Brothers want. We could do, like, a three, four, how many of them? Five, six of them? There's a lot of Rock Brothers. All We could do like a three, four, how many of them? Five, six of them? There's a lot of Rock Brothers. All night. You'd be like, damn, another fight? You know what we'll do?

We just sat down with Marlon Wayans not too long ago. We'll do like, you guys can fight each other and then we do a Royal Rumble. Forget about boxing. It'll be like WWF steel chairs and cages and shit like that. Oh, I would love that. Fuck you, Marlon. Fuck. Bill Burr does the commentary too. We'll have a real big comedy night. Oh, I would love that. Fuck you, Marlon. Fuck! Bill Burr does the commentary, too.

I have a real big comedy night. He loves Rough and Rowdy. He just sits with the founder of this, and they do play-by-play of the whole thing. It's on Blue. Last night, we had one of our employees who's gay. It was he fought a convicted convict who did four years hard time and is...

For gay bashing? No, but he is a homophobe. Oh, wow. Just add it to the mix. You've never seen a guy dodge punches like that before in your life? He was, they builded up his pride versus prejudice, which is an unbelievable tagline. And our guy, Pat, just beat the fuck out of him. Gay guy one.

Yeah. Wow. One hard. He had like a foot height difference on him, and he was just bullying him. He was just pushing him in the corner. Fought him all like dirty elbows and shit. It funny uh who would you fight which are your brothers uh i would definitely fight chris yeah that was that was really quick yeah there was no debate on that one that's made of it yeah that was like some family feud not even halfway to the question

i would fight my brother andre yeah, I'd have to fight him. I feel like you'd beat the shit out of Chris. Yes. Yeah, right? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I feel like, you know. Andre would be a tough one because Andre's a big guy. Yeah?

He's like. Are you the oldest? No. No? No. Charles, Chris, Andre, then me. Oh, wow. All right.

So you're like. And then who's Jordan? Jordan's the youngest. Oh, no. Then it's Derek. Ryan. So many. Oh, no. Then it's Derek, Brian, Kimmy. Then my two sisters. It's a goddamn football team. Jordan's baby.

This is like Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting where it's like Ricky, Tommy, Johnny, Bobby, Friday. Yeah. Yeah. We'll just need to do a battle royale then. You can all throw out. I feel like Chris is just probably like soft by now, right? He's not.

He's not throwing hands. He's a great dude. He don't know these streets no more. How's your summer going as a Mets fan, man? I mean, we talked about it before. Summer's going great. As a Mets fan, put that into my summer, and that brings my summer down. The only thing that's kind of saving me right now is the Yankees.

I hate the Yankees. The only thing that's going to save me now is football's comingkees. I hate the Yankees. The only thing that's going to save me now is football's coming in in a month. You're a Giants fan? Steelers. Oh, all right. So that's even better.

You're good. Why are you a Steelers fan? Because when I played Little League football, we wore black and yellow and I thought it was a farm system. I thought I'd get called

up at some point. No, nothing. Okay. I'm just going to keep playing until they call me. Were you any good? I was pretty good, yeah. I could throw a football a country mile.

I don't know what it is about this arm right here. All my friends are like, wait a minute. I'm like, go. Just keep going. I got you. Go, go, go. They're like, holy shit. This dude could throw a football.

There you go. Yeah. And I was pretty fast. It's just easier to tell jokes, though, right? Much easier. Yeah. You get fucking hit. Quarterbacks get in four car accidents a game.

Yeah. Legitimately. Yeah. Right. That's what your body takes. Yeah. Fuck that. Yeah, man.

Fuck that. Nobody ever got CT. Not looking, too. Like, look at this. It's like, nobody ever got CT telling jokes on stage. Exactly. That would be my reason. What else we got going besides Blackheart Revoked?

Touring right now. This week, I just did Gotham Comedy Club. I was just going to say, you're at Gotham. I went to the movie theater right by Gotham Thursday night, Monday night. I forget what night it was. But they had the sign out there for you. Yeah, you got the good head shot. Gotham was actually the club I started at too.

Was it? Yeah, when I started in New York. We actually had a buddy, one of the producers of the Barstool Radio, his fantasy football. I guess they're finally just getting into cashing in on the guy who came in last place. Yeah. And the guy in last place has to do a five-minute set at Gotham. Oh, wow.

Well, that's not a punishment. He doesn't do stand-up comedy. I think everybody should try stand-up at least one time. Dude, that's a fucking punishment. If you've never done stand-up. For the average person. How'd he do? We actually will find out today.

Did you find out? Oh, I think he was just, he was like Instagram storing it. Yeah. And he only did like two of them. And it was like, one was like, holy shit, he only did like two of them and it was like, one was like, holy shit, this is way worse than I thought it was going

to be. He told us a couple of like the sample jokes he was planning on saying and I was like, I was like, I don't even get it. It was like, that's

not funny. I just didn't even understand it. I drank a lot. Actually, I have been for six years. Like that was the punchline.

I was like, I don't get it, man. What are you talking about? You've been drinking since you were legally allowed to drink? Okay. What the fuck is the point here? There's no, I feel like there's no rush,

quite like the stand-up comedy rush, though. Like, when you're first getting into it, it's like, do you still get that? Yeah, absolutely. The first time I went on stage ever, booed off stage within, like, maybe two minutes to an hour. Booed off. See, I'd be done.

Yeah, I'm done. But the thing was, the walk from the back of the room to the stage when they called my name. Electric. Heart racing, like couldn't believe how excited I was. Like my body just felt that. I was like, whoa, it came off stage. Even after getting booed off, I had to come down off of the high. And I was like, I got to get back up there.

More power to you. I don't know had to come down off of the high. And I was like, I gotta get back up there. More power to you. I don't know how to fucking do that, man. I would hear one boo. I would cry. No, it was the worst boo ever. I got booed offstage. It was a show in Harlem. They were doing like an amateur night. And me and my boys just happened to be in Harlem hanging out that day. This was years ago.

Like seven, eight of us. And my friends were like, hey, we'll all pay. It was a guy outside barking to get an audience. Like, hey, you know, amateur night show starting soon. Whatever you do, you sing, you dance, were like, hey, we'll all pay. It was a guy outside barking to get an audience. Like, hey, you know, MSNite show starting soon. Whatever you do, you sing, you dance, you rap, whatever, you come inside. And my boys are like, we'll all pay to come in if you let him go on. And the guy was like, say no more. You'll go up.

So I didn't have jokes. I didn't have any written jokes. I was like, I'm funny with my friends. I'll be funny with the audience. So everything I said, my friends could relate, but nobody else in the room could. So it was just like, boo. Yeah, there's a difference between like naturally funny and performance funny

then I realized hey you know what maybe I should write some stuff yeah but I got booed off stage then the show ended and we were leaving the club I actually stayed in the room

and watched the rest of the show so every time somebody went up and killed the host would go hey Tony this is what talent is right here so they kept booing me again

like the boo would come back then the show let out and the people walking out booing me on the way out like, the boo would come back. Then the show let out and the people were walking out, booing me on the way out. I get it. I get it. So it was the longest boo ever. You take comedy seriously?

Very, very seriously. Yeah, that's what we're learning right now. That's probably why we're not that good at it. It's a real job. We were, again, talking with Marlo Wayans last week. He was saying how dead seriously he takes it. And I just didn't expect that from him

because a lot of his movies are kind of goofy and parodies and shit not that he's not talented but I didn't think he would be like fucking so serious about it you have to dedicate

some time to it you have to dedicate a lot of time it's a real job obviously but like so every day do you like

I write every day I try to write every day I read the newspaper what's the number one topic on CNN what's going number one topic on CNN what's going on you know pop culture

who's doing what who's dating who just because you know you need to know stuff like that when I'm walking around the street I'm just observing everything yo I bet you you guys would fucking

kill a Jeopardy oh yeah just like dumb knowledge not dumb knowledge but just knowledge about everything my girl's from Germany she's from Germany

so sometimes I'm flicking channels and Jeopardy's on and I'm like, babe, let's play. And she's like, I hate doing this with you. You always get everything right.

And I'm just like, what is that? What is that? I said, how do you know this? Yeah, and then a German category comes up and you fuck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I get like, sometimes I'll get when a category is like, this is not even fair. It'll be like, you know, it'll be like Pittsburgh Steelers.

I'm like, all right. I'm not going to play this one. My favorite, when you get a sports category in Jeopardy, it's not even fair. It'll be like, you know, it'll be like Pittsburgh Steelers. I'm like, all right. I'm not going to play this one. My favorite, when you get a sports category in Jeopardy, it's like, this is my moment. And they don't get shit right. They don't even buzz in. The, like, intelligence situation in a relationship is, like, as important as it gets. When I had a girlfriend in college and we were long distance and uh we'd always like every morning or every

afternoon we'd play crossword puzzles and we'd like send it like we'd share the same crossword puzzle and we'd see who could finish it fastest i cheated like a goddamn motherfucker i could not lose that fucking like that's that in the relationship the hierarchy is so weird and she was taking it so seriously i can't believe you're this fast at it i would i would just find the answer key like i wasn't even like googling like the like okay well i'm not really sure here like what is you know whatever it is copying i was it was the answer key i would just find the answer key because i couldn't let her think she was smarter than me she was way smarter than me did you did

you ever try to like like i can't do it that fast i gotta give it enough time oh hell yeah no there was a real science behind it. Maybe get a couple wrong. A little on in life? I've never told her, no. I think she listens to podcasts, we should find out now. But I've never told her. It was like, I would fill it all out

and then I would play without, like already filled out and see what I knew and then by the time I was done with that I was like, it's enough time. It's an art form, man. When you're the dumb one in the relationship, it's like you just know it.

She was always so impressed. I was the smart one in the relationship. Significantly stupider than she is. You're an idiot. But a brilliant idiot. That's genius. See, it's important to know that you're an idiot. If know. Cheating. But it's brilliant. That's genius. That's genius. See, it's important to know that you're an idiot. Yeah. If you know you're stupid.

That's the most. I actually. If you know you're an idiot. Are you really an idiot? There you go. I always think that's like my curse. I'm like, I just wish I was dumber and didn't realize how dumb I am. Yeah.

Ignorance is bliss when you're like so stupid. Then you can be like entertaining. I just shut the fuck up and don't say, I don't know the answer to that. I'm going to shut up. Yeah. You know what's funny? At the comedy cellar, there's a table in the back of the Comedy Cellar where all the comics sit. Like the hierarchy, like Colin Quinn and the guys that have been doing stand-up.

David Tell, they all sit at the back table. And they have a sign on the table that says, for comedians only. So if it's empty, I can sit there. And every comic that plays at the club can sit there. But usually it's the OGs. And one night they're talking about something. I'm just standing around. We're listening and the owner esty she says why do you never jump in the conversation and i'm like because i don't want to look stupid

i just don't want to look like i don't i don't want to say but that i think and everybody just turns around like what the fuck are you talking about like so i just listen i just sit there i'm like i don't want to look like the dumb one that's like that's my that's my gift like i just don't want to look stupid so i'll just stay out of it I never talk outside of this room and that's exactly why he really doesn't man

he goes out there and he's a fucking mute and then he comes in here and it's like one time I was playing crosswords with my girlfriend yeah to me it's like

okay alright best case scenario I say some shit in front of Colin Quinn and David Tell and they go like yeah alright cool and worst case scenario is what the fuck are you talking of Colin Quinn and David Tell and they go like, yeah, all right, cool. And worst case scenario is what the fuck are you talking about?

You know what I mean? You've never had a conversation with a table full of comics. There's no like, yeah, OK, cool. You fucking idiot, this fucking guy. And then the next person is on you. They call somebody up like, this is what he just said. You're like, oh, God, I got to get out of here. I can never come back to this club for two months.

What about the game show host? A room full of booze doesn't bother you, but Colin Quinn being like, you fucking idiot. Yeah, that would bother me. That's tough. You know what? That kind of makes sense, though, because 99% of the people booing you are fucking idiots. Colin Quinn, some of your respects. I tell comics, if I give a comic a guest set, I'm like, hey, man, don't worry about what happens.

Just go up there, and you're trying to just work your craft. If they don't like it, don't worry about it, because they didn't really come to see you. They came to see me, so there's no pressure on you. Try to just work your craft. If they don't like it, don't worry about it because they didn't really come to see you. They came to see me. So there's no pressure on you. Try to like make them, you know, take it a little easier because the pressure of getting booed is like it's not a big deal. That's a while. But somebody thinking you're dumb is, oh, my God. What's the, you know, you're basically the game show host with Blackheart Revoked.

I feel like, I mean, I've like always wanted to be a game show host. That's Kevin's dream. I love it. I love it. Well, first of all, there's no worry about being the dumb one because you got the fucking card.

Right, right. And this game is more opinionated so it's like, you can't be wrong. And you're the ringleader. You control the energy. Right. That's what Trebek does, man.

You can throw to this guy and let him do something. Okay, well, move it on to this guy. If you say something funny, I'll just run with that for a while. Right. So it's pretty much like

hosting a game show. they give you the material and you just you still have to be good at that though to be able to run with things it's like doing crowd work if you really good at crowd work you can host a game show yeah I mean it's to me the fucking pinnacle I'd love to be a game show host I love when Trebek

you get like a gleam in your eye I honestly sit there and I watch Jeopardy just to see once a game, someone gives a really bad answer and Trebek's like, no. Yeah. No, Jim. Idiot. So sorry.

I've been on that recently, like just calling someone by their name. It's the meanest thing in the world. It is so emasculating. By their full name. No, just like, no, Jim. If you just put a little stank on it, just calling someone their name is so fucking mean. Nice answer, Kevin. Well, you, you, uh.

That's funny, you know, it's funny, I do that to my mom sometimes. I'm like, hey, did you speak to Rose today? Everybody's like, what happened? Like, they just know. Why did you do that? Is Rose coming? Man, your mom must be a saint, they just know. Why did you do that? Is Rose coming? Man, your mom must be a saint, dude. Oh, man.

A thousand years. Man. You know what, though? You guys, I'm sure you take care of her. You paid her back, you know? There's plenty of women out there who have... Oh, she's good. Yeah.

It's like, that's like, you know, there should almost be, like, garnished wages. It just goes right to her. Like, 10% off your check Goes right to mom Yeah mom's is good Looks like you were doing You were born for the

Black Carter book man So I hope that gets picked up I certainly hope so Is there anything Is it just up to The execs now Is there anything That people can do

Yeah we shot it It's up to the execs You know What we're gonna do with it Maybe the BET has some new Shows planned They might say Hey let's pull that one And put this one in But hopefully we get more episodes Alright be on the lookout for it You know, what are we going to do with it? Maybe the BET has some new shows planned.

They might say, hey, let's pull that one and put this one in. But hopefully we get more episodes. All right. Be on the lookout for it. And you in town at any time? I'm here until like Thursday. I got to go to Toledo Thursday. So I'm here. I'm going to run around, do some press today.

Hopefully catch this Mets game. You're crazy, bro. If the sun agrees with me. How long does it take to get to Flushing? Like forever, right? I mean, it's not terrible. It's not great. If you take that 7 train, you go to Flushing? Like forever, right? I mean, it's not terrible. It's not great. If you take that 7 train, you go to Times Square,

it's over the 7 right there. 7 train's not bad. Yeah. If it takes over a half hour, no. Oh, yeah, it takes a while. Fuck it. No way. You're nuts.

You brown bag it. You have a couple drinks on the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you get the good seats. You get the seats where they bring you drinks, so you just sit there and watch it bad. Oh, you got one of those. Yeah. I don't know why. I got three of my boys going they bring you drinks so you just sit there watch it I don't

know why I thought you'd be anywhere else I got three of my boys going with me so we'll just sit there and talk yeah that's like just being in a fucking really nice like you're

in like a living room basically you know alright man we appreciate you coming through you throw penis shells on the floor they come to sweep it up afterwards it doesn't matter what

you do man it's a pleasure as always thanks a lot guys I appreciate you guys alright big thank you to Tony for coming through. Tony was very impressed with my cheating at crossword puzzles. He was. That is a...

Like after the show. Yeah. He's like, that's a great idea. I was going to do that. Yeah. That's... I just feel like, you know what the problem is? Girls are crazy.

And one day, if you pull the Feidelberg, one day you're going to be faced with a situation where you're doing a real-life crossword, and you're going to be terrible at it, and girls are going to overreact. I can see a girl being like, wait a minute, so you've been lying to me this whole time? Yeah.

Whether or not we played crossword puzzles, the answer is yes. You know what? That's almost good. Remember when Mark McGuire used to leave Andrew in his locker room to hide? It's like, yes, I've been lying about the crossword puzzles the answer's yes it's like oh you know what that's almost good remember when mark mcguire used to leave andro in his locker room to hide it's like yes i've been lying about the crossword puzzles that's it yeah it's like oh that's yeah let's talk about how i'm lying on the crossword puzzles that's the real that's the lies going around i just feel like girls will overreact man i i told the story a million times about when i lied to that one girl about living at my parents and then she totally overreacted. I was like, this is the most harmless lie ever. I lied to you because I liked you and I wanted to impress you.

What the fuck? This is the same thing. Like, I was just trying to, you know, just do like one down and three across because I wanted to impress you. And I wanted to do something together and not be as stupid as I am now. No! This is built on a web of lies. I can't have this. Well, you you gotta keep notes

well I learned the words I was basically just studying but the also if you're playing if you're playing like in face to face I'll play play today true

listen I crush you every time we do this like long distance so I don't want you every time we do this long distance. I don't want to embarrass you. I do it long distance, babe, because we can't. It's a shared experience. We'd rather just actually share experiences with you. Yeah, and it's like, listen, this is our special thing when we're apart. I don't want to ruin it now.

If we do this crossword now, what are we going to do tomorrow night when we're separate? Yeah, we're easily out of that. You can get your way around that. Look, if you can't work your way out of lying on a crossword puzzle, don't be in a relationship. This ain't for you. This relationship life ain't for you. If you can't lie about that, then just console the whole idea.

You need to be single. Or find a relationship where you don't have to lie. I don't know. Today's episode was brought to you by Lisa. Quality night's sleep. I haven't slept in like, I don't know, like two weeks. We talked about batches with Tony. We had to get him a Lisa. We had what we gotta get some lisa's shut to tony's house because

he's he's had two queen beds for too long i when i first moved into my house we needed a mattress and uh like lisa was delivering it like within the next couple days and uh i remember being like i remember we were like sleeping on the couch for a couple days because i was like i'm waiting for the lisa mattress she was like why don't we just go to like the mattress remember we were like sleeping on the couch for a couple days because I was like, I'm waiting for the Lisa mattress. She was like, why don't we just go to like the mattress firm, we can go get it right now. And I was like, it will be here in like 24 hours. We are waiting because I need the Lisa. The California King I got, it's huge.

The California King? Oh yeah, buddy. Come on. Oh man. Look at you. You think I'm going to be sleeping on some regular ass king? I honestly don't think I could fit a California King in my room. Yeah, I mean, it's obnoxiously large. Like it takes up the entire bedroom it's like squeeze like squeeze in between the walls and stuff totally unnecessary you unless you have like unless you're like a swinger and you have like several people in your bed it's not necessary but uh they got every size from twins

all the way up to the california king you can get uh a lisa mattress right now for 160 off when you go to lisa.com slash barstool l L-E-S-A dot com slash barstool. $160 off gets delivered right to your house. You can try it out for 100 nights. And if you like it, you return it. And also they plant a tree for every time you sell a mattress. So they have by 2025, they're going to plant a million trees. So shout out to the trees.

Shout out to Lisa. Shout out to Lisa. Shout out to us. That's it. We'll catch you guys tomorrow for another edition. Okay, bye.