KFC Radio - Kink The Hose, Raw Steak, and Justin Hartley

Episode Date: September 26, 2019

John's thoughts of the day: should I help my girlfriend move? Should I do Sober October? Why don't boxer have a dick hole anymore?  KFC needs to make good on a promise from June.  The 6-12-18-24 challenge revisited.  Voicemails include: hot alien, dating a rival, send better nudes Justin Hartley stops by to talk about This Is Us.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio brought to you by Roman. We got my man John here from Blogs for Dogs. You dick work, bud? What did you say, John? I was like, I'm from where? I told you it's been a long week. My co-host is John. I was like, I'm from where?

I told you it's been a long week. My co-host is John. Brandon is here from Blogs for Dogs. Man, fuck it. I was just going to do an ad read and ask you if your dick worked and stuff, but now it's all shot. Brandon probably needs swipes, and so do you, and so do I. Roman makes swipes that numb your dick, okay? But no, they desensitize it

They don't numb it Because if your dick's numb, there's no point in even having sex Have you ever used one of those condoms? No, I heard horror stories about the inside out stuff Yeah, that's an urban legend But I'll tell you what, the right side in version is not great either Because it just feels like You know, when you lose

Like if you sit on your hand It's like you can feel it, but you can't feel it. Yeah. Yeah. Like when things go to sleep, it doesn't feel good. No. And then you can't feel like you're having sex. When it comes awake, when things wake up, they feel even worse.

Yeah. Right. Be it like your legs when you're taking a shit or just your soul. Your emotion. Yeah. I mean, I get the idea of like, you know, whatever, just as long as you can get the job done. But the Roman makes it enjoyable while you can get the job done. It trains you to last longer in bed. It calms you down.

Being good in bed is all about confidence. And if you go in knowing that you got a loaded gun, that's going to pop off very quickly. You're not going to be confident. If you know that you have some medical proven, uh, desensitizing swipes, you're going to go in there with quite a bit of confidence and whether or not you even do last longer or whatever, you're going to go in there and do your job, do your job. Cause you're going to go in there and do your job do your job because you're going to go in there knowing that you are a confident guy who can get the job done go to get roman.com slash kfc first month of swipes for just five bucks when you choose a monthly plan it's get roman.com slash kfc g-e-t-r-o-m-a-n dot com slash kfc get the swipes for just five bucks.

Start training and be better in bed today. Do you think that would you use something like that with your girlfriend? Or would you just be like, babe, I don't last long? Feels like a trick question. Just a regular question. I think I, oh, boy. Like, what are you more embarrassed about? If you take a girl home for the first time, maybe it's a one-night stand,

maybe whatever, and you pop very early. Or if it's like your girl. You in a porn now? Yeah, you pop. Money shop pop show. Or if you have a girlfriend that you feel like you're kind of consistently disappointing. But she's also your girl, so it's like, she's alright, whatever. Probably the girlfriend. Yeah? I think I'd lean that way too. If it's just constant,

it's like, oh boy. Yeah, I don't care what strangers think. If it was a girlfriend, I'd want to make you happy. Right, but let's say it's like a girl, you know, like to me, it's like a... Yeah, I don't care what strangers think. If it was a girlfriend, I'd want to make you happy. Right, but let's say it's like a girl, you know, like... Like, to me, it's like maybe this girl could be my girlfriend, but it's just going to be over because I can't perform. I think you just use it year-round. You use it all the time.

No matter who. No matter who. You got to make your girlfriend happy, right, John? Right, John? That's right, Kevin. In the bedroom, in life, and in times of need, John, you got to make your girlfriend happy. You're right, Kevin.

In times of life where one might say, this is quite literally the worst thing that I have to endure, a boyfriend should be there for his girlfriend. Right, John? I really don't know if I'm being honest. So if your girlfriend is maybe moving apartments this weekend and she is a petite, tiny, little, meek thing who can't lift a fucking plate, let alone a box, let alone furniture,

and she needs to move and go up and down stairs and in and out of elevators, and you, being a strapping young man who once took steroids, you should probably help her. Right, John? It's really, it's a gray area. It's up for debate. Alright,

so clearly what's happening this weekend is my girlfriend, I had forgotten until the walk to work today. And I was like – I do a lot of thinking on the walk to work. That's where your best ideas come from, showers and walks. The only place I think. And I was like, shit, I think my girlfriend is moving this weekend. I forgot about that.

So I texted her. Are you moving this weekend? She said – well, first I remembered also I had friends coming this weekend. And I was like, well – I got to play. I got to play with my it definitely my friends babe sorry it ran through my mind just don't even bring it up she hadn't brought it up because you do have to be reminded like you if you casually brought it up a month ago i wasn't gonna put that on the google listen girls if you if you're hoping that your man just remembers stuff, it's like I'm also hoping that you just tomorrow don't have a gag reflex.

We can't live in a fantasy world. You're going to have to remind us of everything all the time, multiple times. It's just like even with friends. We're going to dinner. If we planned a dinner two weeks ago, you have to remind me again two nights before dinner or else I will not be showing up at dinner. Absolutely. You know what I've done too is I had to RSVP to an event the other day that this girl was planning and she had to text me and be like, you're in or you're out.

And I was like, listen, I'm sorry. I don't have a woman in my life anymore. I don't do RSVPs. That's a girl's job. If you want to text me and follow up, I'll text you yes, but like an e-vite or mail it back, that is literally just not happening. So yeah, I'll be there,

but don't expect me to actually tell you. Yeah. That's just, that's, that's a girl's work. That's I'm a, I'm a man. I ain't,

I ain't RSVP. I'm an RSVP. No way. Yes. Big time. No way. Big, big time.

I love an RSVP. I like to be polite. I say, God bless you on RSVP. That's a final guarantee. I'm like, I'll tell you, but I'm not doing like the,

go to this link or mail it back. Hell yeah. Not happening. I do that just because then it puts it in link or mail it back. Hell yeah. It's not happening. I do that just because then it puts it in my Google Calendar. Yeah, I don't do any of it. No, you don't. But anyway, so I thought this morning there was the thought like, let's play chicken.

Let's see if she brings it up. I'm not going to bring it up. Let's just find out what happens. However, more level head prevailed and I texted her the fakest surprise of all time saying, wait, are you moving this weekend? With a question mark

and the two exclamation points. I knew she was moving. You went with the questy and the two exclamation points? That's the fakest thing John's ever done. You don't do that ever. I don't ever do that.

Question mark in two. Yeah. Are you moving this weekend? Oh my God. Suddenly I forgot. I can't believe that. O-M-F-G. And she said yes.

And she's assuring me there is no need for me to come. It's a trap. It's a trap. Run. Right. Run. But she's being so sincere and convincing. She's like, honest to God, do not come.

I know. She's like, you don't live down the street. You live four hours away. You have plans. She's like, I got it. She hired movers, which is an important twist. That is important. If it was like her dad moving, I would go.

I don't want to be a deadbeat. Right. But she hired movers. Her dad's going to help her move a couple of clothes. Oh, no. On Sunday. Different day. That's when they're out they're already out it's like he's like coming to pick up a thing or two because her car is small it does change though that another male in her life will be helping her i know granted it's a dad because i there's also dad duties that like whether you're there or not

that dad's probably gonna help his little girl move if it was like a friend or a brother or something like that, you definitely have to be there. A dad leaves you in a gray area. I'll tell you what the main problem here is, John. I think she thinks it's okay. She genuinely does mean it right now. Saturday afternoon when something goes wrong, it's a different story. We've never gotten in a fight. I think I might just figure it out just to see if – we've never got in a fight like i don't like i think i might just

figure it out just to see if like we've never gotten a fight about this yeah there's never been like a like well luckily this doesn't happen you know moving is a fucking not a very frequent occurrence right and when you tell like we we're pretty generally like if i tell you this is what i'm feeling we're good we've never gotten in like a it's fine it's fine i'm not fine fight there's a first time for everything it's i'm just thinking i'm just envisioning like i'm gonna go to a play on i'm gonna go to matinee on saturday i'm really excited for it then we're gonna see hadestown yeah i'm not just gonna sit around in my underwear i'm gonna be fucking also i just be back here sunday for like live streaming for like gambling stuff so i have most i could go for Saturday.

I'm just thinking that there's going to be a moment where the movers need – you almost need to negotiate with the movers. They fuck something up and it's like, hey, you owe us an extra $100 or something. And it's like she's going to need a – she's like, where's somebody there? What are you talking about? You think I'd be useful in that situation? More so than – Say here's $200.

More so than a girl. Yeah. Yeah, you you would handle it i think everyone would handle it that that she she'd be far far far more useful than me in that yeah just my mom's the same way too my dad like you want a negotiation fucking send mom she's the bulldog if she's getting like is your girl the bulldog yeah yeah okay all right yeah then you're useless i think i think she realized she's dating a useless guy. I can see something where it's kind of like, where are you? The guy isn't showing up, and I called him, and he won't answer. I'm not saying that those are things that guys actually do need to do.

Those are things that girls have convinced themselves. What the fuck could I possibly do? Yeah, yeah. It's like, I heard a story recently where it was like you know the guy calls a girl and she's upset and it's like well do you want me to just like stay on the phone and talk to you about being upset for a long time i can't do anything i'm not there like what the fuck but i could see it being like you should be here what the fuck and they know they're being ridiculous but they still pin it on you have you ever heard that nate park outsy bit when he's talking about uh when he got eye surgery he got lasik it vaguely rings a bell it is so fucking funny but it's almost the exact opposite where his girl was offering to come with

him to get his lasik and he's like i'm fine and the lasik people like no you're good you don't need anyone here and he said he had the lasik surgery and started walking home and had to keep his eyes closed because they hurt so bad so he had to stand in the middle of a sidewalk and call his wife and be like, babe, you got to come get me. I don't know where I am. And he went over to a building to keep his hand on the building

just so he didn't drift off into a street. And he's like, babe, I don't know where I am. I've made turns. And by the way, you should have just been here. It's not like, where are you? You should have just been here with me when I got fucking eye surgery I mean that's kind of true yeah You're gonna fuck with my vision I think I

Mean what are you was gonna walk all the way home You can't drive right yeah no he's Living in New York City so he's definitely just walking oh Wow you should be here By the way you should be well I do Think that's the opposite. I do think more often than not, it's chicks who are like, I just need you to be here suffering with me. I just need you to be here.

I don't think moving is suffering. Moving apartments isn't like suffering, I don't think. Especially when you have a moving crew. When you have the movers, it's a lot better. Dude, I swear to God, me and my dad moved me into my apartment in New York City in 17 minutes. You're a guy. You're a guy, though. It was literally... You move a bed,

a dresser, and like a table and that's it. It was literally one trip in the elevator. Yeah, but that's not what it's going to be like for a girl.

We just stacked the elevator full. We took the stairs, met the elevator at the top, took all the shit out of the elevator, slid down the hallway, put it in the room,

went to get drunk. Yeah, no. Girls have like boxes and bags and trinkets and tchotchkes and boxes to put the stuff in, boxes on top of boxes. Her shit will be packed. Like, one single solitary girl will pack, like, an entire U-Haul. Well, it's already packed.

I'm not going to help any of that either. You've really talked yourself into this one. Look, let's just call it a spade. I'm not going. Yeah, no, you're not going. I'm just whether or not you're bracing to be in the doghouse is the question. I'm not. I believe her.

I trust my girlfriend when she tells me. This is so like, I have a healthy relationship. We mean what we say. We don't fuck. We're not toxic. We don't like. We don't wish ill upon each other. Shut the fuck up.

You and your fucking happy bullshit. Fuck off. I mean, really. What kind of guy doesn't have a girlfriend who's passive aggressive? What the fuck? I don't know. Me, I guess. It's weird.

You know that means she's going to murder you one day. It's hard to deal with. Something's got to happen. I think she's being serious. Do you run down the list? Like, all right, she's pretty. She's not a dick. She's happy. She's successful. She leaves me alone. all right, she's pretty. She's not a dick. She's happy.

She's successful. She leaves me alone. I mean, she's going to, like, chop your head off one day. That's got to be it. It has to be. And guess what? When that happens,

I'll probably be like, look, it was fair trade. We had a good run. Fair trade. Also, I don't know why if you watch it on goldbarstool.com, we've done it, but I end up people sitting here

for the whole time. I don't know why. It just looks weird, but whatever. Do it like, we'll do it like, like a why. It just looks weird, but whatever. Do it like, we'll do it like. Like a Mario? It's a me, Mario.

I can see how you could slip on a banana peel. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Absolutely. Why don't you barstoolgold.com slash KFC stand up on the table and slip on that? We should start doing jackass shit and just be like, watch Barstool Gold. I broke my fucking tailbone. It's great.

Great entertainment. All right, let's keep it moving here. MVMT watches, MVMT shades, MVMT spectacles. They've got it all right now. They've gotten down with the ever scroll blue light filtering glasses. I've been wearing these during our live shows. People are wearing them out to the bar. I feel like it's the new craze. I feel like the world has loosened up enough where you can now part of your outfit is like you put on a hat no nobody thinks twice you put on a pair of glasses it's now commonplace and the best part is not only on top of the fashion it's good for your eyes so if you're going to be staring at your screen all day you're gonna be looking at the computer all day you'll be watching tv when

you go home you're gonna be streaming and gambling 24 hours a day. That's where MVMT – what was that? Got to chill. Oh, God. Made my nipples hard. Sorry. MVMT. Apologize to them.

Apologize to them. Nobody wanted to know about your hard nipples in the middle of the night. I got hard nipples all the time, man. This is wild. Apologize again. When was the last time I took a picture in this fucking studio without a hard titty popping? You are Jennifer Aniston, man. It's crazy. It's crazy. Apologize again. When was the last time I took a picture in this fucking studio without a hard titty popping? You are Jennifer Aniston, man. It's crazy. It's crazy.

It's absolutely absurd. Cut in glass, headlights on. Every time. Blast the nips. Do I touch it? Touch it. Nope. Touch it.

I don't want to. Oh, man. Nipples are so weird. I mean, obviously, guy nipples are stupid. I've got nipples. Can you milk me, Greg? Like, what are guy nipples for? But girl nipples. Guy nipples are stupid until you picture a human body without nipples milk me, Greg? What are guy nipples for? But girl nipples.

Guy nipples are stupid until you fix your human body without nipples. Yeah, then it's like, we need them. Pro nipple guy over here. Yeah, and have you ever seen someone with three nipples? PFT. Really? Yeah, he's got a teeny, tiny, tiny one. It's like a birthmark or it's a nipple?

It's a nipple, I believe. Where is it? It's on his lower rib, I think. Oh, my God. Can someone here confirm? I don't want to be slandering PFT, but I believe I'm correct. That's vile. I'm sorry, PFT.

I used to play hockey with a kid with four full nipples. Was he a fucking cow? It was just like... Got udders? Perfectly lined up. Yeah, he's got udders. Yeah, kind of. Jesus Christ.

But girl nipples are like, you know, they like hold in the milk, but then it comes out at the same... You know, it's weird. It's strange. It's strange. It's like a marvel. The whole thing is crazy. Can you imagine like – let's say there's some divine creator, right? God, some shit.

And he was like, all right, we're going to make these things. They've got to like survive. They've got to get sustenance somehow. It will come from the mom. Like what can we have happen? I always have these bags of milk with these little like nubs that you chew on. That'll work. get sustenance somehow. It'll come from the mom. What can we have happen? I always have these bags of milk with these little nubs that you chew on. That'll work. That's what it is.

How come you didn't come up with a better system? I don't know. MVMT came out with better glasses. MVMT came out with better glasses to help your eyes stay sharp. No yellow tint lenses. We're talking high quality frames, high quality materials. Get 15% off on the already low

prices starting at just 65 bucks when you go to mvmt.com slash kfc free shipping free returns 15 off mvmt.com slash kfc i had another thought on the walk oh fuck in my face. We're doing a John Thought episode. Bitch, you thought. I was going to do Sober October. Ha! I am. I think I'm really going to do Sober October. Okay. Sober October.

You can't even say it, let alone do it. You're going to do Sober October. That was like the episode of Happy Days when fucking the Fonz just couldn't say he was wrong. He's like, I'm... So the body won't even let you consider the idea. I'm going to start to go to church every Sunday. I'm going to go to church every day. You and Casey. Sober October.

Fucking cult sluts. No, I think I'm going to do it. No, you're not. I'll bet you any amount think I'm going to do it. No, you're not. I'll bet you any amount of money you don't do it. An entire month? When was the last time you went an entire month without drinking? It's when you didn't drink. When did you start drinking?

15? Last time you did a month was 14. Five or 16, I think. Okay, then the last time you did a month was 15. I hadn't really processed it until we're sitting here. And next weekend, I do have to go to a football game with my dad and my uncle, so it can't be so late for that. You're drinking.

And that's October next weekend? Yeah, October 4th. All right, so October, single digits, October, you're drinking. I'm wedding October 11th, drinking. Second week of October, you're drinking. We gotta go to the Pat's Jets game, October 21st. We're all gonna be drinking through that. Drinking, yeah.

That's the only way we're gonna be at the games. I think we're gonna go to London the end of October. Nobody drinks in London. You're going to drink every day of October. Certainly every weekend, but almost every day of October. You're going to have the drunkest October. I think I have... Oh yeah, and then it's Halloween after that.

Yeah, I think... I think. I don't know what that was. I have no idea what that was. Did you just convince, like, did your body just reject the thought of you being a 30-year-old man who's drinking for five, six weeks straight? Brandon's losing it. Yeah, so I forgot about that. The way he goes. That was crazy.

Like the Joker, man. Sober October is off. Bro, I mean, I'm so happy you came to that realization before we had to go down this path and pretend you were going to do that. I'm going to do. Sober October is stupid. In the next calendar year, I think I'm going to do a sober month. I have a challenge that I submit to the world. Do a sober month and shut the fuck up about it.

How about that challenge? I would not be like regularly discussing it. That's for sure. But I would. Don't even tell me. Well, I have to tell you. We have a show and stuff. It's a little different for us.

Yeah. Come on. If you are a regular person, if you're a regular person and you think the world cares about your alcoholic intake and whether or not you're doing it, fuck off. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jump off a fucking bridge. Shout out my uncle who does it every February.

I love you, but shut up. Also, shout out to him for picking the shortest month. Also, but he's a Patriots fan who goes to Super Bowl every single year. So every single year. See, I disagree with that. Like, first of all, I wouldn't, you know, for your seventh, yes, maybe you party it up. But for your first and your second and the other ones, I would like to be, like, fully present. And also, I think the time to not drink is when you have other things that you're happy.

Yeah, but he goes to Super Bowl week. So, like, he's there all week. I know, but I'm saying, like. Yeah, but you want to have a couple beers in Miami. Yes, but also it's more like if you're not at the Super Bowl in February and you're sitting at home in your dumbass house with your dumbass family and it's cold and you're shoveling snow, that's when you want to have some wine at night or some brandy to get through it

or drink whiskey by your bedside when you wake up in the morning. I don't know. To me, it's when you're depressed. So Super Bowl, it's like, well, I'm not going to be drinking when I can watch my team win the Super Bowl again. Yeah, I guess the game itself I don't drink that much, but the Super Bowl weekend. Party, yeah, yeah. Man, just fuck off.

Yeah. I have to find out a way. Did we talk about this on the show yet? About me coming and jumping off a bridge? No. I haven't talked to you. I have to talk to you, my esteemed colleague, about this. I mentioned it on We Gotta Believe, and then someone called up CCK to mention it. June 18, 2019, SNY tweeted Pete Alonzo's projections for the year,

back when he started to really slug. They said, Pete Alonzo right now is projected to hit 53 home runs and 126 RBIs, 36 doubles, 930 OPS, 102 runs, on and on and on. And I retweeted it saying, meaning not doubting the guy, but just doubting, you know, just knowing how reality goes. I said if Pete Alonzo goes for 50 and 120, I'm going to come myself and jump off a bridge. Pete Alonzo has hit 50 home runs. He has 115 RBIs. How many games? Five RBIs and five games a bridge. Pete Alonzo has hit 50 home runs. He has 115 RBIs. How many games? Five RBIs in five games he needs.

It's not like by any means a done deal, but it's certainly attainable. He might do that tomorrow night the way he slugs. So I think there's every chance it's between like 119 to like 121, 122. I think that's where he'll end up. And, you know, we roasted white socks dave and carabas is taking so much heat for uh the grasshopper yeah i'm gonna have to find a bridge to jump off over sure i have to cut myself yeah they come now what if you come in the car right like you give yourself like a handy in the bathing suit in the car right and then just kind of come into your own pants and then immediately go jump off the bridge and clean it

I think you can't stand on the side of a bridge and come in, it's hard I don't want to go to jail for this I don't want to have to register as a sex offender I would actually really prefer if the world would let me, like scouts honor I'll fucking jerk off it's not like I'm doing something

gross that I don't want to do I promise I'll close the door and jerk off close what door like i'll just do it somewhere you know like in a closet and then go jerk and go jump off a bridge yeah but it's like you but i think the important part is you come yourself you gotta come in the pants in my pants yeah okay that's got to be like on like on camera you can wear like black pants i promise i'll come in my pants i believe you'll come in your pants. I don't see video of it. I think people will be fair. That's what I mean.

I think people understand. It's jumping off the bridge they want to see. We've been citing the 6-12-18-24 challenge where Dave just like went into a room, came out and said he jerked off and we're like, okay, good enough. Yeah. The precedent has been set. Now, but I mean, granted he did lie, but I will not lie about drinking. He did lie?

I mean, yeah. Dave said he jerked off like 12 times or whatever. No, he didn't. I could hit 12 if I wanted to. I don't think he could. Oh, no. Kevin, I assure you I could. I'd like... Be careful. I mean... I might be...

Saturday I got that play, but Sunday I'll do it. Are you sure? 12 is a lot. I'm 99% sure. What's your record? I don't know, but I mean, it's close to double digits. You give me a hungover Saturday where I don't get out of bed all day. 12 by noon. I have a thing where you just fucking...

I just see... I follow Christy Mack on Instagram. Every time she posts a picture, I have to jerk off. That's just the media. So it's just like sometimes you just see something remotely sexy, and you're like, well, okay, bam, and then that's it. No, I just feel like I would tap out after like eight. Eight might be...

Eight, you're like 75% of the way talking about like imagine jerking off like 4 times in a day what dude I jerked off 3 times this morning 4 is not a problem let's not get silly but 12 is 3 times that I'm very very very very supremely confident I could do that

so you probably could do the 6, 12, 18 then run 6 miles jerk off 12 times yeah beers 24 donuts 18 donuts 24 beers 18 24 beers you puke everywhere but like which i don't know if that like is allowed or whatever but i think you could do it i could probably what do you think the hardest thing would be for you the donuts maybe uh yeah the donuts yeah you got to get like i actually walk like six miles a day, as it is. So that's knocked off. Really?

Yeah. My mom, I'm obsessed with my steps now. My mom was just curious because she was doing like a 5K in five days. 25Ks, 25 days of 5Ks. 5Ks a day. And she was like, how far do you walk every day? I was like, I have no fucking idea. And she was like, well, hit the heart on your phone and it'll tell you.

Yeah. I was like, oh shit, I take like 12,000 steps a day. But just walking to and from work or do you walk every day? I have no fucking idea. Well, hit the heart on your phone and it'll tell you. Yeah. I was like, oh, shit. I take like 12,000 steps a day. But just walking to and from work or do you go elsewhere? I mean, like, I walk around the office. Right. But when you leave, it's just like when you're outside, it's just to and from? More or less. Yeah.

I mean, I walk to lunch and all that. I wouldn't think it's that far. It's like 1.4 miles, I think, or something like that. And then. 12,000? Something like, yeah. I mean, it varies. I think a standard day, if I literally just walk here and back, I think Something like that. Yeah. I mean, it varies. I think a standard day, if I literally just walk here and back, I think that's like 9,300

or something like that. Damn. Well, then it's 20 baloney. I'll go meet friends at other bars. When people are like 10,000 steps a day, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, no, it won't. I think it's... They're not great.

I think it's kept me from being bad, though. Well, right, yeah. I mean, I guess I walk to and from Grand Central. It's probably similar. So I guess that's what saving me did. But it's not turning me into fucking anything legit. No. I mean, look, you're not going to get anything super legit by walking.

Well, they like to tell you that, though. They act like that. No. It's like the people, you know, like you were talking about it the other day with Kravitz. You walk on an incline. You're good. It's like, you're good. But you're also, that's not

the only thing you're doing. Those guys are doing it after they've been in the gym for an hour and a half. Okay, now we're in on the half hour of the incline. That's what I'm saying. Yes, if you also did 12 sets of whatever on every fucking machine and then you walk, yeah, sure. But if you just walk, you're just a guy walking. I meant

that's how. That's your cardio on top of everything else you do. All right. So, but, like, I got to find a bridge that I can jump off that's low enough. That won't kill me. Well, I think it's got to be at least 15 feet. That's a bridge. I know.

I just don't, like, I got to find somewhere that, like, has depth deep enough water. The one that we could do the Jaws Bridge in the vineyard. It's a long way to get out there. We can make a nice weekend out of it. I'm hoping that at Citi Field they have Shea Bridge which is like a bridge

out in right field but I don't know if there's a way to jump off of it and even if there is if it's like 15 feet I'm like landing on concrete I'll like blow out a knee

or something. You can't jump off a bridge in the water. What are you talking about, Kevin? I just don't know. You're going to jump off into a fucking plaza? Well, that's what I was hoping.

Also, are you going to come yourself jumping off Shea Bridge? You can't do that. True. I didn't think about the optics on that one. Shea Bridge. I got a big car in my pants. Thank you, Shea Bridge. I was just thinking like.

Shea Bridge off the table. It's the Mets. It's a Mets bet. They have a bridge at the stadium. And if there was like a, yeah, I can just like hop over this railing onto a fucking set of stairs. Like I jumped off the bridge. I think, yeah, you got to get in the water. That's what bridging is.

This is deplorable. This is one of those moments where I'm like, stop tweeting. Why do I say anything ever? Stop tweeting. I'm going to be a grown man with children. I have to cum myself and jump on the bridge. I mean, I just genuinely, I should have said, like, I was about to say I'll put a bullet in my head, like,

who hits 50 home runs their rookie season? No fucking way. Yeah, I know. I didn't know about that either. It was early on. I didn't know about the juice balls. Fuck. That's a moment where, you know, old barstool wouldn't have been a thing.

New barstool. How about fucking Dave on the floor of Congress? I know. That was wild. I mean, literally anything's possible now. We're into the Twilight Zone, Black Mirror, Bizarro World territory where, like, Congress is passing, trying to pass bills about Dave Portnoy. That is crazy. And if you're going to make a bill for that,

there'll probably be a Feidelberg bill and a Clancy bill and a Katz bill and a Keith Markle bill because it's like, we all make jokes. If that's going to be something worth making a bill over, you're going to be very busy. The thing that sucks about all that is the politician knows it's a joke. He's just using it for publicity.

Everything's just a fucking circle fuck. But there are enough people these days to take these things seriously. Right, but he knows. That's what I don't like. I don't like when someone knows and they're like, but I can rile stupid people up with this. That fucking pisses me off. That's lazying your fucking dickhead. Probably using it to do, he still is pro-union and using it to raise awareness, but he knows he's not going to actually pass a fucking bill.

But in his mind, it's probably enough to just be like, yeah, we're talking about how you should always have unions and yada, yada, yada. Suck a dick. Let's make a suck a dick bill. Jeff Halder? Suck a dick, Jeff. Suck a...

Jeff, suck my fucking dick. Suck it. My fucking dick. Suck it. We got Justin Hartley on the show. He's Kevin Pearson from This Is Us. Extremely good looking guy. Very nice guy.

Real cool dude. Very nice guy. I feel like I could go have a beer with him. You know? It's always the same. Not with him, but like... Why not? He's a little too pretty to sit next to for too long.

Well, right. I mean, I could have a beer with at least two people sitting in between us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could have a beer at the same table as him. Yeah, we could talk. I just, I don't know, man. Come on. I don't know.

I could have a beer with him and his wife and her hot friend who looks like she's with me. Sure. And that way there's no comparison. Yes. But if anybody in the room is comparing us two, I don't want to have a beer with them. So we got that. But first up, our voicemails. Oh, hang on.

I forgot. I thought of something today. Oh, yeah. We got totally derailed. Keith was talking about it. I was taking a piss today. And Keith was waiting behind me. And he complimented my stream, first of all.

I want to point that out. Strong stream. Got a good stream. Got a good stream. Splashback? I'm pissing fucking highlighted yellow today. I mean, I took I accidentally overdosed myself

on vitamins. I've had like three bags of vitamins today. It is crazy. It is just Gatorade I'm pissing. It's crazy. This is beside the point. Yes, it is. When he stepped up to the urinal, he was like, ah, fuck a button fly. I forgot about that. I don't mind the button fly.

I'm used to the button fly, yada, yada, yada. But what we need to focus our attention on as penis-having humans, the fact that they're getting rid of the boxer fly, that's the issue. So many new pairs of boxers, they fucking – they tricked us with the button fly and they will go, wow, this's all they'll ever bitch about i have 50 new pairs of boxers that just don't have the boxers i'm wearing right now no dick hole certain brands are definitely they think all my little 11s no dick hole new calvin klein's three pairs of them no dick hole oh wow my ck's always have the dick hole it's crazy yeah i don't know what it is there's there's there must be some new

initiative because it's a lot of the the new, like, boxer companies that they just ditched them. I got to pull underneath. I got to go all the way down. And then it's like that, if it's tight enough, that elastic band, like, pushes on your tooth. And then you get re-streamed. And guess what? Also, you just fucking dump a whole dick of piss in your pants when you're done. Yeah, because you don't.

Because I thought I was done. It's like you kinked the hose. You kinked the hose out and then the water comes out. That's exactly what happens, Kevin. My dick was kinked. I piss my pants three times a week. Just because I didn't realize I wasn't done pissing. Pushing.

When you think about it. Sometimes I don't know where to go. I'm like, well, should I go under the balls? And then I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? Under the balls? Like, if I'm like, well, cause that way it doesn't really get. Oh, so you just do. Oh, you cut your dick and your balls in half.

You're over the ball. Wait, wait, if you go. I would take my balls out of my pants. Right. That's how it hits your tube. That's. Well, I just go right. I just go fucking stem.

You just put your giraffe neck out. That's super weird. I got long balls. I've talked about this. I know. So do I. But I think. I sat of my balls

this very morning I think most people if they're encountering this they gather their balls and they put them on the outside oh no let's take a poll

you put your balls on the outside of your underwear if you have to do this yeah everyone goes balls out no I mean it's 3-2 that's alright

3-2 as long as I'm not balls out as long as I'm not the only one I'll take my dicking balls out right here I mean, it's three to two. That's all right. Three to two as long as I'm not the only one. I'll take my dick and balls out right here. I mean, I think this is very funny because this is the first time. I love one of my favorite, actually least favorite, but just one of the most interesting internet things is when you find a new young male who thinks that the wiping,

sitting down, or standing up argument is new. Right, right. Bro, I'm in my freshman dorm, and I'm having an argument with the guys. You've got to settle it. It's like we've been doing this for 15 years. Yeah, some people sit, some people stand. But when you find out that someone does the opposite for the first time, it really blows your mind.

My mind is blown now that you just stick your anteater out. You cut your balls off. I cut the balls straight off. So your balls are still in. Yeah. I feel like if I got my balls out, too, I feel like the fucking boxers themselves are going, they're almost touching my taint. If you put the anteater out, it still pinches your flow?

More so. It pinches even more so. So you're talking about the tube on your dick. I'm talking about the tube and your taint. No, I'm talking about the mom's defense. Because when you think about it, which is a priestess carries cum, not piss, maybe both. I'm talking about the tube in your taint. No, I'm talking about the mom's defense. When you think about it. Which is, I'm pretty sure it carries cum, not piss. Maybe both. Have you thought about it? Your dick kind of really does run from

tip to asshole. It goes all the way underneath. That middle section is like, it's got some fucking... Oh, I know. That's your dick. Yeah. So really, when we measure our dicks... I count it. Yeah, we really... That should count. You think I got over five motherfucker

so um so you pee your pants because the under because big underwear the worst when i'm fucking wearing khaki sometimes i just walk around with piss in my pants yeah i hope i hope like people think i just spilled something yes i didn't people barcelona hq i didn't spill anything sometimes i pissed myself what you got to do is if that happens you got to like take some water I hope people think I just spilled something I didn't People at Barstool HQ I didn't spill anything on myself Sometimes I pissed myself What you gotta do is if that happens You gotta like take some water from the sink And spritz it

So it's everywhere It's like it can't be pissed It's everywhere Or you know what you do You fucking line up some water on the sink And you get that line right there And it's like clearly that was the sink line That's

I'm right there with you bro That's too much work But That's the Billy Madison I pissed myself Flash alone But yeah It's crazy.

Message to boxer companies, brief companies. I like the one, the quick draw one on Tommy John. That's the top one. The quick draw is nice. I don't mind. I'll go in with the boxer, whatever. The snake is fine as long as there's some access. I got to get there.

It's crazy. Yeah, I have to pull you. That feels very Euro. I'm like, what are you, Europeans? Don't piss? What are you, sit down? They probably sit down. Yeah, you Europeans with the you down. It feels very Euro. I'm like, what are you, Europeans? Don't piss? What are you, sit down? They probably sit down. Yeah, you little Europeans with the fucking pussies.

Yeah. Yeah, what are you, sit down and have a dick, you little fucking Euro trash, communist pussy fuck. Anyway, can't wait to go to London. Did you see Whitney Cummings' post about the pissing in the public? Yeah. They just have urinals outside in London. Guys, just ripping them. It's wild.

She was filming. She's like, check this out. Look right behind me. There's a urinal. And as she's doing it, this guy just steps up. And he just starts peeing. And you're like in a wall, so you can't see anything. But you're peeing in public.

Yeah, you're peeing in public. And you know what's funny is she posted that. And then I think Nikki Glaser, one of the other female comedians, posted a video of this bum bum in new york unbeknownst to her video some bum was just pissing on the street with his dick out i was like well whitney which one do you want okay it's a little bit gross in london at least they're fucking hiding their dick though i think i did read that those aren't those aren't like everywhere it's like are you like out of a football game weirder oh okay i think like there's one square that has them it's like i think it like, is it a busy day in this area? And it's like, all right.

We'll put them in there? Yeah. They're portable? Or they're always there? You don't know. I think they're kind of transported. I think it's like a port-a-john. It actually is probably a smart idea.

It's just one that's very hard to get used to. It's like you're just going to walk up and pull your deck out. Seems like a problem. Like, eventually someone's going to be like, I'm wearing these fucking boxes right now. Barstoolgold.com slash KFC. Bam. Is that a Jason mask?

Yeah. These are just urban outfitters, but the point of the matter is... It's people trying to be fancy. I'm taking my pants off to fucking piss today. It's been a real goddamn... You know what you should do? Give me a button fly. A button fly, you just rip open.

You know what you should do is do like the little kid. Like put it down around your ankles. That's just a big point. I'll just start doing that public all the time. Vibs already does that here. Does he? No. Looks like a kid who would.

Yeah. It's entirely possible that someone would. I might do pants around the ankles, boxers still on. That would be pretty funny. That would be funny. If you walk in, if you walk in, and I'm just peeing like this. What's up, guys? That would be very funny.

That was really good. I appreciate that. That's just my thing. Give it like a tour and like Barstool Gold comes through. This guy really has seen a whole episode. Every once in a while I'll try to like, oh shit, I forgot Brandon's here. My dick's out.

This guy got himself on a show. Box of Dogs came through. All right. Let's get to voicemails, which is usually the weirdest portion of the program, but I have a feeling we've already had that today. Let's hope we've had that today, because otherwise, I think you're going to blow me or something at this fucking rate. Bar stool.

Voicemails are brought to you by Quip. Quip comes in a... Quip is very sexual. Quip is very sexy. it comes in that glass tube very phallic a lot of colors it's very uh have i told you i'm gonna start standing like this i think with your hands behind your back like you're in the military uh i think even more as old people i don't even stand i don't know walking walk like that yeah old people walk around very distinguished no no it looks like you're an old person, like old folks.

I actually think you have to go hold two fingers, not the wrist. Ah! That's more comfortable. That gives you a little more slack. Good job. Yeah. Anyway, sorry to interrupt about Quip. I just had to get that off my chest.

If you start doing that, I will just keep punching you in the chest. Like, your arms are back. I guess we're getting drafted. Bam! If you draft me, I'm going down, bro. just keep punching you in the chest like your arms are back this was getting drafted if you draft me i'm going down bro uh quip very sexy brush man you want it you want to spice up your your bathroom get yourself a quip i got the aqua brush and it's got the vibrating it's got vibrations it's got colors it's very phallic i'm telling you this is some subliminal shit going on here uh the best part about Quip is that you can

replace the brush heads. It's something that you never do. You probably brush your teeth. You run your brush into the ground. You don't realize that if you're brushing with crappy bristles, you're not really getting a good brush. But who can remember? Like I said, I can't RSVP. I can't remember what our plans are. I'm certainly not going to remember that every three months, I got to get my brush heads replaced. So that's where Quip comes in. They automatically mail them to you. Boom. They show up on your door. You're like, oh yeah, I got to change my brush head. Right now you can get your first brush head replacement for free when you go to Quip.com, getquip.com slash KFC. 25 bucks. You buy yourself a brand new toothbrush, comes with the brush head, and then the first replacement is free

when you go to getquip.com slash kfc it's got the vibrating pulses it's got the timer pulses that let you know when to switch sides and top bottom lets you know when you've done a complete two minutes and like i said the brush and the brush the brush replacement for free 25 bucks when you go to getquip g-e-t-q-u-i-p.com slash kfc Q-U-I-P dot com slash KFC. All right, KFC. Here's the scenario. You're out one night on a little stroll, maybe a little depressed, probably a little horny,

and you see an alien spaceship land in front of you and a total smoke of an alien watch out would you be the sexual pioneer and bang this alien regardless of what happens I hear that one that fuck a hot alien yeah no fucking kidding would you fuck a gross alien that's a question because I think that's what you do for the story

I don't know actually I'm on the fence what are they looking like it depends if it's like let's say they're humanoid let's say it that's where you do it for the story. I don't know, actually. I'm on the fence. What are they looking like? It depends if it's like, let's say they're humanoid. Let's say it's arms, legs. I mean, if it's a hot alien, then it looks like a human. That's my thing. I'm not going to be attracted to what you traditionally think of as an alien. Let's say it's like a little green man, though, but it's like I'm a female.

Say it's a little green male with hair. No, I'm not one of those guys who's like has like a medical need to fuck no but i'm like but i am a space explorer pioneer i'd be like you can maybe anally probe me but you'd rather get fucked by an alien than fucking i'd rather have a probably like finger me or something then then like if i look i don't here's my thing it's like fucking like a glory hole like i'm just sticking my dick and thinking like i maybe it's alien custom that they fucking chomp your dick off afterwards i'm not really trying to figure that out so you'd rather be probed and just trust that they're not gonna like probe you through your brain like what if it's like look if it came down to it i'd rather neither but yeah i

think i'd rather have something go in my butt because they look if something goes in my butt then then like i guess i'm really hoping it comes out of my butt everything that's ever gone on my butt came out i am specifically referencing a pill but i sure you are i'm specifically referencing a pill Everything that went in my butt Came out and then went back in And then came out I was talking about food and medicine

Food doesn't go in your butt It gets into my butt It doesn't go in my rectum But it gets in my butt My butt is just like the lower half of my body That's my butt Why are you saying your butt? My lower intestine, that's my butt.

My butt. My stomach is my butt. I would definitely. Anything that goes into my butt is going to go into my stomach. It goes to my butt. It's all. I think it's more. I think it's more dangerous to let an alien inside of you than to put your dick into something.

I get your concern. I know what you mean. It could be a fly trap where it just... But if they're like, bend over, we're going to put this inside you, it's like, that might explode. That might take over my brain. That might blow out my brain.

Yeah, but I still have a dick. Yeah. I mean, obviously, either way, you need some assurances. So if the alien assures you, and let's say you can know it's true, would you fuck it then rather than get butt-fucked by it? It sounds like you just want to get fucked by an alien.

Look, I mean, Randy Quaid was a cool dude. He had a lot to say on the matter. So you want to get probed? I mean, look. I'll do the probing. All right, fine. Of the alien, not you. I think all jokes aside,

if that ever happened, I don't think I'd be able to perform. I think I'd be pretty scared and pretty like, holy shit, excited, but I don't think I'd be horny. Although this guy said he was really horny walking around one day. That's so weird. This guy just went for a walk. He's like, I'm so horny. But also sad. I get it.

I'm so sad. Horny sad. The sad hornies. That's the... What show was I watching? Oh, Crashing. That show with fucking... What's her name? Crashing with...

With Phoebe... The other one. Yeah. Not the Pete Holmes crash. Yeah. One of the girlfriends can only cry when her boyfriend's coming. Only come when her boyfriend's crying while fucking her. That's a pain in the ass's a pain that's a pain

in the ass yeah it's a tough it's a tough go does he fake it no it literally just happens once she had never had an orgasm with him before and like he starts crying about it and then she has an orgasm i would uh i would try to fuck but i'd probably disappoint even the alien girl like i'm sorry this never really happens oh also yeah i mean i wouldn't do it because aliens have different technology they're used to probably tougher stronger faster come harder it would be like like fucking me probably like fucking an ant where it's like yeah fucking maybe like a little scottish terrier or it's just something i mean think about the technology human girls have to make themselves come how we can't keep up with that. I mean, even like the male species technology.

It's just like, I don't know, it's just like, hectic. Right, right, right. That never stops. Yeah, yeah. But boy, I hope this happens one day, though. You just always give aliens a lot of credit. Yeah, they might just stink at sex.

They stink at everything. They could be fucking little losers. Could be, but probably not. If they make it here, that's the thing. All these hypotheticals always include them coming here, which means they have high technology. True. Mike, KFP, SuperViducerBC.

Question. I am recently single after three years of dating the same girl, and there's another girl who question. I'm recently single after three years of dating the same girl. And there's another girl who was never really right. She dated a guy before I started dating my girlfriend, yada, yada. We're both single now. But I can't bring myself to ask her out because she's a Mets fan. And I'm a Philly 4-4-4 guy. I fucking hate the Mets. She actually works for the Mets, and I really want to ask her out,

but my fandom, I think, is getting in the way because I could never fucking imagine dating someone who roots for that god-awful fucking team. So what do you guys think I should do? Let me know. I mean, I can't even, like, sympathize with this. Like, I've been behind enemy lines my whole life. I've been hooking up with Yankee fans and dating them, married one.

It's just, like, how this city works. I don't know about, like, in other cities where there's just one team throughout. But, like, if everything else is all good, I think it's stupid to let your fucking fandom get in the way. I've always thought that would be hardest for me. Canadians fan? Yeah, you know. I've said it before.

I remember. That's sweet. Thanks. Thanks. I always said that I think it would be three I think it would be number one of the hardest of the three things that people fight about where it would be like

I think if you dated someone who was a different religion also we're all assuming that you're a reasonable person you're a somewhat normal person if I'm wanting to date you if I'm trying to date you and you're Jewish and it's like you like you make me you don't go every fucking day make kosher and stuff like that we have to have two sets of china

for the fucking dairy and for the meats and whatever it is uh i'm just like if you're just a regular person i think i could date someone in different religion no problem i think i could date ah someone with like different political beliefs would be that's hard just because like political beliefs are like so like in your face these days and also just like kind of like their life you're not a dickhead where it's like my political beliefs are gay people can't get married right you're not like that's that's more of like who you are as a person in life right if you believe in like a different tax reform i'm not going to go crazy exactly if you're like you know black people don't deserve to have jobs it It's like, well, hold the fuck up.

That's not political. You're just an asshole. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, exactly. If you think if you think a tax bracket should be here or there, I can deal with that. Yeah. And then I think the hardest one would be sports fandom.

Yeah. And particularly Canadians fans. I think Yankee fans used to be Yankee fans. Well, I think I don't know. We got a little puppy. Yeah got three. A little puppy. We got three. What do you, sure. We'll have a little back and forth.

I just couldn't date someone who will make me their submissive. Yeah, right, right, right. And like, if Canadians fans who they stink now too, so it's like whatever. But like, if they were like, talking about their banners and whatnot, banners that were won when like only, you can only have people who played for your team when they were from your city, you fucking pussies. That would be a pain in the ass. I mean would you would think it would be something for me it's just like i just didn't have a choice there also isn't anyone in football nothing i mean i don't get me wrong like every girl i've ever dated or been with

like i hate the fact that they're a yankees fan i always kind of like laughed about it to their face on the inside i was like i fucking hate when you root for this team or like if they ever really tried to like argue about it I would be like shut the fuck up. It's not like it's something that I think is like funny and cute. It's like no I hate it. I just have to look past it because like there's so many of you and there's so few Mets fans. I also don't want to date like a Mets fan

who's like as big of a Mets fan as me. Right. I don't want the girl like watching with me every game and like every. I don't want to date to be arguing like me in any way no like arguing about stats and like who should be coming out of the pen and i don't fucking know i don't want to talk to you about that but i deal with all the time i wouldn't let it get in the way but others that's my city i guess other cities it's this problem i saw a question uh on reddit the other day that was uh would you date the opposite sex version of yourself yeah like like so like you don't look like me but you look like we have the exact same

personality but like looks wise we're also the same so like i would be dating a nine out of ten girl yes yes um you know i mean the answer should be yes, or that means you should just go ahead and make life changes, you know? I think that's why I always sneeze. I think this microphone makes my nose itch. I always bump into it. It's just like, goddamn. It's so big.

I know. It's crazy. It just bumps into things. It's like a fucking bow of a boat hitting into an iceberg. I don't think I could, even personality-wise. You're right. But, like, if you can honestly say that, that means you should, like, change some things, shouldn't you? I don't think I could, even personality-wise. You're right. But if you can honestly say that, that means you should change some things, shouldn't you?

No, but I think it works well with other people, where it's like I'm the excuse sometimes when it's like I'd rather just lay on the couch. So you believe in the opposite of the track sort of thing. Yeah. It's like I'm the introvert, you're the extrovert, we'll meet somewhere in the middle. Yeah, you're the one who makes me go out. I want to go out. I don't want to have sex, you're a sex addict, we'll meet somewhere in the middle yeah you're the one who makes me like make me go out i want i don't know i want to have sex you're a sex addict we'll meet somewhere in the middle right right you want to eat healthy i want to eat disgusting me something yeah let's go with that yeah otherwise it's like yeah i know that i'm undesirable and i just refuse to make changes that's that's the alternative and we're not gonna go with that it's probably true i i i

think uh i would like certain aspects of myself in a girl, but not all of them. No, this is one whole package. Yeah. I don't think so. No. I don't love myself. I can't love it in another. Speaking of you, I just saw something ridiculously dangerous that you have on your phone that

I don't think you always had. I saw you get a text message, and I didn't read the message itself itself but i could see that i can read the message i want now i gotta change that yeah you gotta change that nick's got the same thing we were one of the one of the uh sales girls upstairs we had her use her phone or use nick's phone to call us during making a gambler and nick was like i hope i don't get any text i don't have like that i message thing on it should just say iMessage. You should not. The world should not be able to read your text.

Well, here's the thing. This is exactly what happened last time. I went to messages, and it's not there, and I gave up. It's got to be under privacy then, maybe? Maybe, or push. Like privacy or notifications. I was like, you know, they really make it goddamn hard. So I got to go ahead.

Notifications, then messages. Oh, yeah, okay. Okay, so So I got to go ahead. Notifications, then messages. Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. So I'm going to go allow notifications. I'm going to go. I don't know. It's just like it's hard. They make it hard.

Show preview? Never. Boom. Done. Needed that. I also think we need to have a rule as a society now i think it's prevalent enough that we're all fucking freaks and looking at things and filming our dicks and doing sex tapes and watching porn and shit you don't get to touch anybody's phone ever and what do you do i i actually that's why i made my phone my wallet so it's like hey can we play

we need a phone to play music nope can't give you my wallet nope you can't have my phone that's smart like but i i stays with me at all times i'm not i'm not plugging it in for a presentation because like somebody's fucking pussy's gonna pop up on it i'm not giving it to you and you can browse the fucking uh you know on safari and you open it up and there's like tranny porn on that no we're not doing this anymore when if you're using someone's phone and they get a message do you look at it will i open it like if it was like it pops down and i can read it i mean yeah see i go out of my way look away to not do that you look away i look away i got a man than i if someone calls me over to their computer and like they're like keith will call me over his sometimes, and on his main computer is his Gchat.

And I make it a point. I don't look at those. When someone starts to put in their password, I immediately take two steps away. Just to make people feel comfortable. You're a nice guy. But I don't – Do you go to people's medicine cabinets when you go to the bathroom? Fuck no.

A lot of people do that. I'm not nosy. I mean, do you just care about nothing? I just care about nothing i just care about myself right right care about what i can control i'm very good at just being i don't control that i don't that has nothing the ability to control the snooping gene if we all had it girls wink wink everybody would be happy it's crazy uh last voicemail of the day before we get into justin hartley is brought to you by figs if you to be comfortable, but you also want to be functional, you've got to get yourself a pair of Figs.

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styles. Go to wearfigs.com slash KFC for the discount. Hey, boys. First time, long time. I need your help. I love my boyfriend. We've been dating for like a year and a half, but I can't seem to get him excited about receiving news. Granted, I'm not sending, you know, fawns, buttholes, that kind of thing, but, you know,

I'm not very excited about sending a little more risque pictures when all I'm getting in response is an emoji or a thumbs up or something stupid. So, is, you know, what can I, what can I do to, uh, spice that up a little bit without, you know,

making myself look stupid. So anything you guys can, can help with, uh, she answered the question. Thanks. She said it in her voicemail. Send the asshole pic.

Yeah. I mean, that's it. He's not excited because what you're sending him, he sees on Instagram all day. Now, I understand if you're uncomfortable standing around your asshole. I'm not pressuring you into that. But I'm saying if you want to get your boyfriend excited, send him something that guys are excited to see. Yeah. I don't get excited about a lingerie pic.

I don't get excited. Like I can see the curve of your butt? No, no. That's cool. Do the casting couch. Spread them. Hold it. Zoom in.

Okay? I don't know. We're perverts. What do you want me to say? We're disgusting. I wish I was this way. We are despicable. We're deplorable.

I wish I could just make love, but I can't. I wish it was 1996 and fucking Victoria's Secret got me horny. Unfortunately, technology progressed. It is what it is. Frederick in Hollywood. Remember that one? I need an Secret got me horny. Unfortunately, technology progressed. It is what it is. Frederick in Hollywood. Remember that one? I need an ultrasound to get horny. I need to see inside of you.

You ever see those ones where they put a camera inside? I don't care for those, to be honest. Those are too much. Yeah, that's a little. You can see the dick coming. It's weird. Yeah, I don't like that. But I've watched them.

I've never watched them erotically. I've watched them out of curiosity. What about the speculum like that. But I've watched them. I've never watched them erotically. I've watched them out of curiosity. What about the speculum? Yeah. Speculum? Yeah. Yeah, what? Yeah, use the speculum.

I don't need the camera to go in it. I don't like... Look, I'm not in anatomy class. What about when there's a speculum and a flashlight? I like it from... It's like a... Again, it's like a... I like the videos where they use it.

Yeah. But that part is like, it's like, okay, I'll watch this. You know what the worst part is? And then we're not even going to go into detail. Cause I really genuinely hate it,

but I'm just going to say this when it flips inside out. I hate that. I hate it. I hate that. Hate it. It's disgusting. And if you like that, you're fucking disgusted.

Yeah. That's where I kink shame. They draw the line when it flips inside out. And that's all we're saying. If you know, you know, and if you don't know good for you, when it flips inside out, and then especially if anybody does anything to it, while it flips inside out, and that's all we're saying. If you know, you know. And if you don't know, good for you. When it flips inside out, and then especially if anybody does anything to it while it's inside out.

Disgusting. We're going to end the show in two seconds because I'm going to say something right now that it's going to say. And that's the show. Let's go to Justin Hartley. What a lead in for this guy. It is. I'm scared. It's what's her name?

I forget the porn star's name. I read an interview with her once. Fuck. I'm not going to remember her name. but she said it tastes like raw steak like raw steak and now it's time for the interview with justin hartley brought to you by bark box if you love your dog you have to get bark box and if you don't love your dog who are you lena dunham you need to get rid of your dog and give him to a happy owner if you don't love your dog, who are you, Lena Dunham? You need to get rid of your dog and give him to a happy owner if you don't love your dog

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It's amazing. Everything is designed in-house. They're all safe for dogs. They come in different themes, so you get a little kick out of whatever the reason is that you're being sent. They know your dog's birthday, and they send them something extra special the month of his birthday or her birthday. And it starts at just $22. Right now, when you use the promo code, when you go to the URL BarkBox.com slash KFC, you get a free month of BarkBox. You have to subscribe to a six- or 12-month plan, but you're going to do that anyway.

If you get a one-month deal, it's like, what are you, you know, like your dog for one month and then stop? Go get a 12-month plan. Come on. BarkBox.com slash KFC. Sign up for six or 12 months. Get a free month and it starts at just 22 bucks. Keep your dog happy. Be a good dog owner. Barkbox.com slash KFC. Let's talk to Justin Hartley. All right. KFC radio featuring Justin Hartley. This is us, Kevin Pearson, just about the best goddamn looking guy on the planet right now. Oh, thank you very much. Thank you. This is on-camera press makeup that you're looking at. Oh, yeah, that's what it is.

So if I had the makeup, I'd look like you. Okay. Yeah, sure thing there, bud. The jacket's sharp. We kind of dressed that. I'll tell you what. What you're doing is a classic mistake I make. You're dressing like fall.

It's not fall yet. It's too goddamn hot out. It is. You're right. Well, I woke up early, though. Were you here earlier? Chiller? Yeah, it was a little colder. You're dressing like fall. It's not fall yet. It's too goddamn hot out. It is. You're right. Well, I woke up early, though. We were here early. Yeah, it was a little colder. You did the early thing. That sucks.

That ship has sailed for us. I've been awake for like five hours, guys. Yeah, we've been awake for like five minutes. I'm a fan of that, though. I think once Labor Day hits, I mean, I'm wearing a fucking... I'm sweating the whole train ride in. That's great.

The fall clothes are so much better. People love it. Yeah, they are. And then you're just a sweaty mess with a nice shirt on. Although, I don't know. At the end of the winter, though, like when the spring hits, you're like, T-shirt. Right. It's the same temperature.

Yeah, exactly. It's a whole fucking thing. So This Is Us is back, which I think might be, I think that that show has evoked more tears than any show in history i think that might be a legitimate claim considering how popular it is how like heavy it gets and how guys girls young old everybody gets roped in and just cries like a fucking baby every i'm like there are times i've been i'm watching that show and i'm like don't do like no not tonight they're not getting me tonight and i'm crying and i'm like god damn it it's the thing. Because you've got blood pumping through your veins.

Yeah, I guess that's it, right? We're all sensitive creatures, right? We just don't know it sometimes. They find a way, though. I mean. They do. Sometimes I'm almost laughing. I'm like, boy, how much can one family go through here?

I know. They lay it on thick. But it's also pretty, some real life stuff. That's the thing, right? You look at it and you're like, man, they go through a lot. And then you're like, but I guess my family does too because we've actually gone through a lot of that stuff in my own family.

Right, right, right. Yeah, I mean, as I was watching it, like as I got deep in, I went through some of my own personal shit and I was like, I feel like I'm on this goddamn show. Are you okay? I'll survive. No, the answer is no. The answer is, I'll survive. I'm not a good front. This is my version of makeup. I'm okay. Like a hard smile. I'm fine. I'm not a good front. This is my version of makeup. I'm okay.

Like a hard smile. I'm fine. I'm fine. I swear. So Kevin's character, the whole idea of the manny and being this attractive actor and feeling like you need to break out a little bit. Is there any real truth to that? No. You are a fucking stunning guy.

You're just like, I'm good looking and I'm happy. I'm good looking. No, no. Yeah, no i that's a good question man and thank you i think so i think and that's in every you know probably in every career right um i feel like people like to they find comfort in like sort of labeling things like you you know we we instinctively look at something okay i know what that is okay great at something and go, okay, I know what that is. Okay, great. So that's what that is, and that's what that is, and this person is that, and this person is that.

It gives you comfort. It's very – as someone who does it all the time, it's extremely comforting. Yeah. I highly recommend it if you don't do it. No, no. Listen. Label people. Judge them by their coverings.

But I will tell you, it's also – it's toxic also, right? Yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And so you realize, like, you know, when you do that, you're not actually getting to know anyone, are you? You're kind of just saying, well, this is what – then that's what that is and it's dangerous. So, yeah, I mean I think – Can you do it to us real quick?

I've already done it. We're able. I've already done it. Yeah, no, I'm – listen. Let's hear it. Well, let's hear it, bud. My time is up. My time is up.

I'm leaving. No, but I think that's what it is, right? I mean, and every career, too, is like that. So, yeah, you do. The interesting thing about acting is, and what I've noticed, is if you do something and you do it well and people start to believe that that's who you are, that's when the typecasting starts to come, right? Because they're like, oh, that guy does that. And it's like, well, maybe he's just an actor that did that thing very well. Well, so this morning Adam Sandler put out a new trailer for his movie.

He's playing this, like, hardcore gambling addict, and he's in too deep, and it looks like this Oscar-worthy, you know. And everyone had just been like, well, it's going to be another Netflix rom-com. But that's the funny man. It's like, no, maybe he's just a really talented guy that can actually do different things. Spending cash and checks doing rom-coms. That doesn't mean I can't do this. Exactly right.

Yeah, he's an artist. So when is the Justin Hartley badass murder Oscar type of thing? We'll see. We'll see. We're trying to – like we have – let's see. We have like four months off a year. Classic. This is.

Stairway familiarization. I didn't know how. You know what's funny? I didn't know how they worked. We were, we've been here the entire time. We just ignored the entire. Yeah, yeah. If there's an actual fire, we'd be.

Like, people left the building? Stairway familiarization. I'm pretty familiar with stairs. You can't, you can't start a fire, we'd be like, people left the building. Stairway familiarization. I'm pretty familiar with stairs. You can't start a fire drill with this is a drill. Well, dude, I'm not going. You can stop anywhere in between. Yeah, you can turn around if you wish. They're both up.

They're both down. It's all good. And when you get to where you're going, there you are. Anyway, so you got the, this is us coming out. Yeah, yeah. So we give you like four months off per year where we can kind of go and venture off and do different projects. So that's always an opportunity to sort of do different things, which is nice. But This Is Us allows me to kind of do – well, because he is an actor, I get to play an actor.

Very meta. It really is. And then it also allows – like you can get your sort of like your, your, uh, your comedy chops work in there. I think Kevin's kind of a funny character. They give him some fun stuff to do, but then the drama also hits pretty hard on the show. So it gives you kind of a good, I've got a bone to pick with the four months off.

Go ahead. Do you not get four months off? First of all, absolutely not. Second of all, it's not the time that you have it off. It's well, it is a time you have off.

Uh, I was doing some research for this because I'm a professional. Okay. And I saw an interview with Ellen DeGeneres. Yes. She's pretty famous. I've heard of her. You mentioned throwing your birthday party in June despite being a January 29th birthday. Yeah.

Not allowed. Why? Not allowed. Love this move right here. No way can you do that. You missed your birthday that year. Your birthday was in January. Get it next time. you went to Maui with your family in June. Yeah, because my three siblings, all their birthdays are kind of in the summer and around each other.

So you just want to steal their shot. That's exactly right. That's exactly right. And I was like, I'm not going to be – I'm the only one in January. Now, I tell you this. In January when it's my birthday, they're not coming in. No way. No, because I'm the only one, right?

But in the summer, we're all together. We're a family. My daughter's born on December 12th. I'll celebrate that, too. But it's Christmas. You get screwed over with the presents, and it's cold. I said, let's just do it on June 12th. Let's move that shit six months. We can have a pool party.

We can have an outdoor party. What's the big deal? I mean, honestly, we could even just tell her just do it on June 12th. Let's move that shit six months. You can have a pool party. You can have an outdoor party. What's the big deal? I mean, honestly, we could even just tell her she was born on June. Nobody would ever know. And it's still in school. Around here, you can have the cupcakes with your class. That's a crazy thing, too. Like, January 29th is mine.

Okay, so you have Christmas at the end of December, right? Last time I checked. My birthday is at the end of January. Whole nother month, okay? Whole nother year, for God's sake. It's a different year. And people are like, here's your birthday Christmas gift. I'm like, what the fuck, man?

That's particularly true. Those who's not invited to Maui in June, you. That's right. It becomes before I get it after. We've all even got our Christmas money. You can buy me another gift. Come on, man. Give me a fucking break here.

So This Is Us has been just like an absolute phenomenon. Did you know you were on something of this magnitude when you started out doing it? Yeah. No. No, I didn't actually. I don't think anybody really expected it, right? You're right. You don't know until – listen, man.

I've had so many things that I thought were great and then I went to go do them and then I'm like, this is coming off differently than it read. So you know it in the moment or you know when it airs? I knew when I read it that I read what I thought was the best pilot – the best episode of television I've ever read. And then I knew when we shot it that it was – that we were doing something special. Right. But you still don't know if it's going to find an audience. You don't know. You just don't special. Right. But you still don't know if it's going to find an audience. You don't know. You just don't know.

Yeah. And then when people started watching, people started talking about it, and then it starts picking up this momentum. I would say about episode six or seven, when you start realizing, oh, yeah, I can't leave the house. Oh, this is, okay, cool. People love this thing.

How weird is it that we hear that and we're like, so lucky i know i guess no privacy awesome can't even go outside about it being attacked by photographers what a life he's living i wish it's different man we get like one one billionth of that but i always say like the day that that stuff stops is when you know you're in trouble. As inconvenient as it is, you'd rather it happen than not. And they're all so nice, man. It's not like I'm a politician where people walk up to you and you don't know if they're going to hug you or spit on you. Usually people are going to be nice.

Particularly that show, particularly that character. I don't think there's anyone out there who's like, fuck, I can't stand Kevin Pearson. You'd be surprised. The audience it has too is weird because you would think it's a drama show. You would think that's usually a female audience. It's a lot of dudes, man. If we're going to label something.

But I know my Twitter timeline, every single time it's on, is professional athletes weeping. This is us. It's always hard. I almost think of it as like a – I can't think of an artist, but Taylor Swift who just like everyone likes it. It doesn't matter. Transgender and age. You might think it's like this demographic if we're going to label things irresponsibly,

like I've admitted I like to do. You think it's this group and like everyone. I always think of Cons. Cons is an Army vet, West Point former quarterback. Every single Tuesday, that dude is just crying to this. I love it. I love it. I got a great story for you, speaking of athletes.

So a few years ago, about two years ago maybe, two, three years ago, I go to – forgive me, I don't remember what it was, but it was somebody who was getting their jersey retired at Staples Center. And I walk in, and Robert Ory's there. And, you know, he's still in great shape. He's super tall and just like, you know,

big shot, Bob, amazing. Yeah. And, uh, I walk in and he's, he's looking at me and he just goes like,

now this man is like, what is he like? Six, eight, six, nine, six, tens. And he just looks at me and he goes,

Hey man, can I get a hug? And I was like, this is the cool, I go, sure, man, bring I get a hug? And I was like, this is the cool. I go, sure, man, bring it in for the real thing. Drowning in championship rings. And I'm being swallowed by Robert Ori, the guy's huge. And then he goes, I thought he was going to say, man, I love This Is Us.

The show is amazing. So great. And he pulls back from the hug. He looks at me and he goes, I love Smallville. And I was like was like wow this is great man i was just about to bring it up smallville fan smallville was fucking amazing for the for like my age if you grew up with it if you're into like the comics and the take they did on that smallville was something special not to mention every single girl was an absolute rocket

on that show yeah no that was a good time that was fun i went up there to do like four episodes of that show and it ended up turning into like six years. How old were you when you did that? I was 50. I was 20. No, was I 28, 29? And you were playing like a high schooler, right? Everybody was young, right? I think I was playing my 20s.

I think so. I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That show, man. Kristen Kroc. She has a place in my heart. I've never seen Smallville, but Smallville. How dare you, sir? It was before I got into TV.

I did have friends who were obsessed with Smallville, but I was still in my I watch SportsCenter six times a day phase. I'm still in that phase. But they're doing some kind of comeback with that, right? That network has been doing superhero shows since Smallville kind of went away. They have Flash and Arrow and all kinds of – They have Supergirl. They have all kinds of shows over there, yeah. Yeah, that was –

We were – No surprise, me and – Yeah, you guys are fucking nerds. Look at Nick. Nick, also a nerd. Yeah. Nick, look at us. Who are you spying on?

Oh, look at us labeling now. Okay, we're the nerds over here. Why are you – You can't keep being surprised by my label. That's why I started it over here. This is the smallville crew you can be over there you fucking i did i read you were supposed to be aquaman too that never like i did i did a pilot i did a pilot for aquaman so you were on that the comic book i was on that sort of trajectory yeah and you know what's funny is i'd like to get back into it actually i would too yeah well just marvel how

you doing i've been thinking about these superhero things they might catch on i think there are a few people that watch those things but no what i mean by that is like i think when i was doing that stuff it was it was sort of um smallville was very groundbreaking it wasn't yeah it wasn't at the time it was popping yeah and then a live action you know guy that dresses up like the green arrow it's like it was like the first time that it sort of happened. I also didn't really know what I was doing. I wasn't quite a man. I know I was

in my 20s and I thought I was a man, but I look back and I was like, I was kind of like a kid. You might not be a man now. I don't even know. What age does it happen? You're talking to children right now. We will grow into our age eventually. I'll be like a man when I'm on my deathbed now you don't have time yeah you don't have time for that

you can't become a man come on now also uh revenge was was big yeah revenge was uh that was another one that i think you know if you were to label or whatever stereotype guys wouldn't be into but i was hooked on that shit good that show was the twist and turn it got dark it got dark man i was like oh boy i remember going through one of those man. I was like, oh, boy. We're really doing it here. I remember going through one of those scripts, and I was like, Patrick was my character's name, and I was like, Patrick, he's doing it. Oh, shit.

He just cut the break line. He's going to kill a priest. He's murdering a priest in episode 14. Okay. All right. I got it. That was a wild one. That was like, I was, we believe that uh this day and age television is maybe the most

important thing in a relationship that like if you if you can agree on tv with your girl or your guy and you're gonna watch together and binge together that it truly is gonna be like an important part of your relationship and i think revenge and i think this is us you have two of the great all-time what i call girlfriend shows ah where it's like she's gonna love it right but guess what you are too right and you're gonna like be hesitant getting into it but then all of a sudden you're gonna be like oh wait a minute this is just good for everybody true i also feel that way and i'm trying to convince my wife but i feel that way about the world series you know good luck on that one she's like how many games is this i'm like it depends on how

many they went dude convincing just in general like your girl, if she's not a sports fan, to understand baseball. Yeah, she's like, they do this nine times. 162 goddamn games, and they're on again. I'm like, yeah. And it'll be this way until hopefully October, probably September. And if you're a Mets fan, like, I don't know. Never. July.

I'm a Dodgers fan. So we got. Things are going good. You think? I hope so, man. The Dodgers are in a very precarious spot where it's like, things are going good, obviously,? I hope so, man. The Dodgers are in a very precarious spot where it's like things are going good, obviously, but also disaster's looming because if you make it again and you don't win, we're going

to be the Bills. I feel bad. That's what I said. You're literally just talking about that. I think this is our year, though. You do? Yeah, I do. I think the AL is very good, man.

I think they are, too. But I think either the Astros or Yankees are going to win it. But if the Yankees win it, I will kill myself. I am rooting against you. Why is that? I just want the Bills. I want the tragic story. He's a Patriots Boston fan, are going to win it. But I am rooting against you. I just want the Bills. I want that. He's a Patriots Boston fan, so he just loves to be in his ivory tower

and watch all of us fail. It's really great up there, right? What's the temperature like up there? I wish I could wear that jacket. It's a little warm. Is it? But, yeah, it's pretty nice. If I had to pick a time to live in, yeah, it's amazing.

So let me ask you this. What would you prefer right now? A first-round embarrassing exit, or you make it back and lose a Game 7 of the World Series? You get to enjoy the playoffs again. It's great moments, but then you're going to be the Bills. I don't understand that question. People ask that all the time.

Why would you not want to go? Because then you're the Bills. Because then you're the Bills, dude. I've lost my Super Bowl. I want to go. No, going is the worst. I forget we lost in the fucking divisional round to the Jets. I do not forget about losing to the Giants.

Yeah, but you went. But also at his point, he's gone so many times that it's like win or lose, whatever. Yeah, what do you care? If you lose three in a row, man. No, we got to win seven now. We got seven, then we put this in a different area. You're going to win. You're going to win ten, man. Every single time there's a different...

You and Brady, neither of you age. It's ridiculous. I am a magic genie, and I can promise you right now that the LA Dodgers win the World Series. However, in return, you die on This Is Us and the show gets canceled. No, no, don't cancel it because then...

Because it ruins everyone else's jobs. You die. You don't get it because then it ruins everyone else's jobs. You're just a fucking guy. You die. You don't get to ride this rocket ship anymore. Oh, no, I'm not. Like, listen, I'm a huge Dodger fan,

but I'm not a psych. I love my family. I love money. Yeah, so no. I mean, yeah. They can wait. They've been around for a long time.

I'll ride this out. That's smart. That's the right answer. I think people would be like, come on. This fucking idiot, he would take the bet. If it was like, you get fired tomorrow, the Mets win the World Series, he's like, I'll find another job. Seriously. I can do this elsewhere, man. Start another podcast, write another blog.

I can do this from my home. It just eats me alive. It's like, I have put too much stock into being a sports fan yeah i'm relying on something that's completely fickle and uncontrollable to be happy sure and it's never coming my way it's never breaking my way when was the last time it went your way when was i was one year old in 1986 you don't remember anything so i don't got i got nothing yeah and i'm a meds jets nicks i mean i got i got nothing and arguably i always say it's worse because we're in a town

where we should be spending money and winning all the time and we're not and then cros Crosstown is the Yankees and Giants who win all the time. You have some prospects, though. Yeah, no. I mean, that's almost the worst part. Almost like getting there but – Promise of a better day. It's like there's expectations and then – which is the worst thing of all. Expectations and falling short is just –

You wouldn't know about that. You're a very successful – That's not how you start a relationship, but that's how you start a sports relationship. It's so funny that we do that. We kick ourselves in the mouth. It's brutal. Are you just a Dodgers guy? So I'm from Chicago, so I'm Dodgers.

So you picked them out when you adopted them? I didn't. My parents took us to Vero Beach, Florida when I was a kid. It's like the only family vacation we ever went. The Dodgers used to have their spring training there. So you're OG. I'm OG. I feel like that's very rare in LA sports. I got pictures of Jaeger, of Garvey, of Steve, of Oral Hershizer, like holding me or crouching

down when I was like this big, like tiny. And, um, and I just, and now I go to the games and I like see Oral and he's like, Hey, he's like, call him Oral. That's it. Yeah. So I have Oral. What a weird name. But you know what?

You gotta have like a, just, I don't know. We're not friends. Call me O or some shit. That dude though, when you, you could call him whatever. I mean, he could, he could tell people, he'd be like, call me whatever. And you'd kind i have like i just i don't know we're not calling yo or some shit that dude though when you you could call him whatever i mean he could he could tell people he'd be like call me whatever and you kind of have to do it that guy was i would listen he was awesome yeah yeah he's great so are you mad when there's like other like la bandwagon fans because i mean it's a big bandwagon no we'll take them we'll take yeah you want that i like we'll take them why not it's something that gets accused of with boston fans yeah sure bandwagons

sure that's what happens when you're successful People who aren't typically sports fans want to join in on it. But why not? It's a party. Inclusively. It's almost like you can't go out of your house. It's a sign that things are going good. Things are going good. Everyone's got a Dodger fan.

You've got a paparazzi and bandwagon fans. Once you start building a panic room because you're scared people are going to break in, that's when you're doing well. But I got Dodgers. I got Bears and Bulls. I mean, I grew up watching Michael Jordan, right? Yes. I'm a Bulls guy.

But a Bears guy also, like, through and through. Trubisky the real deal or not? Yeah. Come on. You started smiling right away. No, because here's what happens. When I say yeah, this is what I go, yeah, and everyone goes. But, like, wait a minute.

What has he done? What has he done? He wins. Wow. Well. Yeah. You can win in spite of someone or because of someone. Right now, I think they're winning in spite of him. Do you really?

I mean, last night he had some moments. But in general, I don't think anyone's saying Trubisky is the reason why. He's brand new. They have a great defense. I know. I mean, that's the other thing, too. It's so hard for quarterbacks now because not only are you – like, they just throw you right to the fire now.

He's such an athlete, though. He's such a gifted, skilled athlete. And he doesn't have gifted skilled athlete and he doesn't have mono that's the most important part most important thing yeah that'll set you back a little tip for you if your quarterback don't get mono it's hard to be good how do you avoid that though really i mean like you have to tell your quarterback stop kissing girls yeah it's a tough one to come into quarterback to do yeah when you're a good looking guy in manhattan yeah it's like stop kidding he's like perhaps you've heard i'm the quarterback of the jets yeah exactly all, exactly. All I'm saying, though, is you don't have to kiss them. Okay?

I'm not telling you anything else. Just cut that part out, right? Think that's how you get it? I don't know. Anyway, man, so this is us is back, and it's about to take the world by storm again. We're about to make everybody cry. And it's a great show. Thank you, man.

I appreciate it. And before we let you go, I want to ask you one favor. Can you tell me something about you that just isn't that good? Like I was doing in my research travels. There's so many news stories where it was just like Justin Hartley shares this beautiful story of his wife and this beautiful story of his daughter. It's nauseating. And it's like you're just a perfect guy.

Give me like a weird mole on your butt cheek or something. No. Show us. Just show us. There's some clickbait for you. I'm trying to think. Justin Harley shows his butt. There's got to be something, man. You ever been arrested?

No, but I... What's that? You ever committed a hate crime? No, no. Nothing like that. I try to keep it pretty... It's boring. I try to keep it as boring as possible.

It's the way to go. I like calm, steady waters, man. It's boring. I try to keep it as boring as possible. It's the way to go. I like calm, steady waters, man. It's honest. It's Patriots-esque. Like, don't make headlines. Do your job. Yeah, man. Well, I mean, I know you're lying because everyone's got something, but I'm not going

to press you. But just know that I know. Just know that I know. We all have shit. I've been through some shit. I've been through some shit. For sure. I see you've probably done something.

Vandalized something. Yeah, yeah. Probably killed us. Killed an animal or something. Yeah, probably a hate crime thing. Killed us. Killed an animal or something. We'll cut that part. No hate crimes here. Thanks a lot, man. Thank you, guys. In her face. The mirror of your dream. Make believe I'm everywhere. Give it in the light. Written on the pages is the answer to a never ending story.

I reach the stars. Lie a fantasy. Dream a dream. And what you see will be. Time I keep their secrets real. I'm both behind the clouds And there upon a rainbow is The answer to a never-ending story

Story Soaring high