KFC Radio - Kmarko, Ron Funches, Overrated Movies, and Birds vs Humans

Episode Date: January 3, 2019

Kmarko fills in for Feits to review Black Mirror, Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, Bird Box and discuss Louis CK and Tiffany Haddish. Voicemails include Birds vs Humans, Hot Dental Hygienist, Whuch Decade Would You Live In, Overrated movies. After voicemails, Ron Funches (44:30) joins to discuss his new comedy special, Giggle Fit, sleep paralysis, and virgins.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Alright, we're back. 2019, the first episode of KFC Radio of the year. It's brought to you by Stitch Fix. Now, you got a little bit of money to throw around from Christmas. Maybe grandma threw a few dollars in that card. You gotta spend your money got to spend it right. You don't know what you're doing.

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2019 coming in hot because your boy K Marco's in the building. What's up? Happy New Year. He's back. No Vitalberg. He was at the Winter Classic doing chiclet stuff. And I don't know. He's just not here.

So you got K Marco. 2019 resolution was to take John's spot on KC Radio. And we nailed it. I mean, it's like, new year, new us. Yeah, it's not here. But we are back in the office and I'll tell you what, folks, couldn't be happier.

Couldn't be happier. I completely agree. Tuesday rolled around. I was like, let's go to work. I put some music on, hopped in the shower. I was like, work, work, work, work, work, work. It was a delight. Like four days ago, I was feeling that. Yo, I mean, I'm not going to go as far as to say I don't like vacations.

I certainly need a break from this fucking place, no doubt. But we had like 11 days off or some shit. We had a lot. Let me tell you, when I took a break, I took a fucking break. I did not. I'm so lost on all the internet stories right now. Keith was broken. I did the countdown.

That takes me like two weeks to do. Yeah, that's a bitch. But I set it up before break. Like the first couple days of break, I did it. And then it's set, scheduled, and then I just went away. Top 50 blogs of the year. Keith was supposed to put together a little montage of my blogs. He just didn't do it.

Well, because that was on day three of break. Right. And I was like, Kevin, I'm not. That's too much work. It was like, you know, I had that week resurgence. And it was like, well, we're not going to just pick the one blog. We'll put it together as one thing. And it's kind of like an event that happened on the written blog this year, as opposed

to just a written blog. And I said, yo, what number was that? I'll tweet it out. He said, I didn't do it. It was too much work. It was slotted in on my sheet. I wrote like 20 pages of the sheet and it was like number six or seven on my thing.

Would have been great. And I just didn't do it. I would have had a top 10 slot and you just didn't give it to me? Yeah, no. That's some bullshit. Now I'm actually mad. I thought it was like 30 or something.

Oh, I would have been top six? Yeah. That is the worst thing I do every year. I fucking hate it. I wasn't going to do it this year, the countdown. Erica made me. I can't believe you haven't outsourced that yet. Well.

How did you just do this shit? Once they told me to do it, then I got into it. But it's the worst fucking thing. Everyone gets pissed. Right. So I try to do. Especially when you just blatantly don't do what they deserve. Yeah.

I don't care about you. But the other people, like the newer people that get very offended. I try to do like the all-star game where like each blogger gets a blog yeah there's too many now there's 130 fucking possible yeah yeah and then some people like you should just keep doing like there's 131 bloggers top 131 of the year everybody gets one so then so then i change it up and i was like okay if you're a main blogger if you like only blog if you have top 10 blogs then i was like like, okay, you get priority. So I had to take out like Rhea had a good one, but she's not like a blogger.

So I felt bad, but I had to take her out. And then like I almost had to take Casey's out, but then I felt bad and it's a really good blog. So I was like, okay, I'll put this back in. But everyone, everyone complains. Bro, anytime you're at Barstool making a list of some sort, we had like 25 tickets to give to Bill Burr. That was the hardest thing we've ever done. Because there's just, there's too many people,

and there's too many people to offend. And you know the people who are going to get offended. You know the people you can like just completely dick over and not put together their blog montage. You know these things. So it's, I would rather like, like next time someone's like, yo, we have free XYZ to give out to Barstool,

I'm going to say no. I will pay for my own tickets because I don't want the drama of like there's always someone on the bubble. In life, there's always someone on the bubble. You're inviting people to your wedding. You're inviting people to a party or a dinner or this or that, giving away this or that. There's always going to be somebody left out. And here at Barstool, you would think that people are kind of like, eh, whatever. And it's not that at all.

Yeah, it's Barstool. Like we're supposed to be so edgy and we talk shit about everyone. And then every fucking person here gets so butthurt if their blog is 31 instead of 29. I wasn't in the year-end video. Shut the fuck up. And then fucking Large was so mad at me. Large was the number three spot of the year. We had 21,000 plus blogs go up this year.

Large has done like 60 of them. I gave him the number three fucking spot on the countdown, and he was upset that it was number one. It was an awesome blog, but there were a couple others that were more like Barstool. Yeah, yeah. His 9-11 thing was incredible. Dave, basically his salvo about Barstool, and then Erica Nardini's only blog ever.

I think those are top ten. Our CEO wrote a blog defending the company that was like 20,000 words long. It's going to be number two. No disrespect to Lars. You got number three. Stop complaining. I got number six, even though I didn't get number six. Also, Keith, why don't you just tell the people who had

the most clicked blog of the year while we're here? Oh, you did. That's why you got 50. Yeah, I mean, it was the XXSentacion blog, which is funny because I just didn't think that would be the most clicked blog of the year. And like by a mile, right? Oh, by 300,000. It was double the next one.

I guess. I didn't check the analytics, but it must have gotten scooped up by Twitter and stuff like that. Yeah. So yeah, I mean, I had the number one blog of the year and I had a huge week. You had a couple in there. Your Daily Beast one made it. Or did it? Yeah. So yeah, I mean, I had the number one blog of the year and I had a huge week. You had a couple in there. Your Daily Beast one made it. Or did it?

Yeah. And your Lena Dunham. Mm-hmm. What about the other? Yeah, that's good. The other like six that I wrote that year. What's interesting is that I could have just had

basically every blog I wrote for the year could have been on that countdown. Yeah, that's true. It really could have. I was like 10 for 10. Yeah. Could have done the top 10. That's my New Year's resolution. Top eight KFC blogs.'s true. I really could have. I was like 10 for 10. Yeah. Could have done the top 10 That's my New Year's resolution.

Top 8 KFC blogs. Blog more. Blog more? Yep. You get in those like I get in grooves. Yeah, you're like a manic depressive.

You get like a mania where you blog a lot. 100%. You have no idea, brother. What's more? What's the goal? Resolutions don't work unless you like

actually put a number to it. I would probably like to do one a day. Ooh. I think what I need to get to... We'll see how long that lasts. That's too aggressive. That is the goal. I thought you were going to do 10 a month.

No. Theoretically, what I should do is write a blog on the train in every morning. So that's my goal, which means if I make my goal 10 a month, I'll do two a month. If I make my goal one a day, I'll do 10 a month. And then those days after three days of not sleeping because your kid's sick again. Yeah, that's when it goes out the window. That's when everything goes out the window. Yesterday,

Keegan was sick. I just got McDonald's for lunch. That's a cause and effect. I don't know why. I was like, oh, Keegan's sick. I'm going to McDonald's and I ordered, I didn't know if I wanted number one, Big Mac, or now a number nine is two cheeseburgers. What's that about? It used to be number two.

Now it's number nine. I didn't know which one I wanted. Guess what I did? I got both. That change probably happened like 15 years ago, too. Yeah, I just didn't know. When I texted you, how was your New Year's, bud? And you were like, I forget what you said.

You're like, I was at the doctor's. I had two sick kids. Keegan has an ear infection. Did you stay up till midnight? I think I did. There you said. You're like, I was at the doctor's. I had two sick kids. Taking an air infection. Did you stay up till midnight? I think I did. There you go. Yeah, I did. I did.

I mean, I didn't do anything. I was just sitting on the couch with two sick kids asleep. Dude, I was out till 5 a.m. What's up? Partying? That hasn't happened. Yeah. That hasn't happened in probably four years.

Oh, my God. And it was with a random crew. It was actually fun. It was like a makeshift Barstool crew. Yeah, so it was like PFT, Liz... Yeah, PFT, Liz, Ken Jack, who I've never really spoken to. Yeah. Really cool guy.

Who knew that his name was not Ken? It's not? No. I don't know his name. I call him Ken Jack. I mean, I don't know if I'm supposed to say his real name, but it's like a... His name... Oh.

Am I supposed to say his real name? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. His name's Jack Kennedy, so it's Ken Jack. I mean, I don't know if I'm supposed to say his real name, but it's like a... His name... Oh. Am I supposed to say his real name? Yeah, I don't know. His name's Jack Kennedy, so it's Ken Jack. I assumed his name was Ken. So did I. Okay. Like, what up, Ken? Yeah, it was me, PFT, PFT's friend, Liz, Ken Jack, and Kate.

5 a.m. I was the last person invited to that because PFT asked me what I was up to. And I was like, oh, no, I was just going to hang in. This is New Year's Eve. Two days before. Okay. I was like, I'm just going to hang in. I think I'm tired.

Whatever. And he was like, oh, come to this dinner. Like, I invite some Barstow people. And we did a big dinner. We went to a house party. And then we went to karaoke in the West Village. Whoa. And I did a.

What did you sing? I did a Ba With Da Ba duet with PFT. Holy shit. Fucking awesome. You went hard. Moment five. Were you like, blah,

what's up, blah, just screaming? Oh yeah, oh yeah. Head banging? I like karaoke, yeah.

I really love this. It is my number one, like, fear in life. Like, I just, I will literally not do karaoke. It's probably the most out of character thing about me.

Yeah, I'm stunned. Karaoke, yeah. Stunned. You know, my thing about karaoke is, I'm either,

when you go to do karaoke, you either gotta be really funny, or like, good Yeah, I'm stunned. You know what my thing about karaoke is? I'm either... When you go to karaoke, you either gotta be really funny or good. And I'm neither. So I'll just be up there for like four and a half minutes just being like tearing up my heart when I'm with you. And it's like neither funny nor good. And everyone's just like get off the mic!

It's the same principle as my wedding dancing thing that I've said on the show. I get in there and I just jump in and do the first song and you just get it out of the way. Yeah, it's very admirable. People are like, come on, just have some fun and do it. I'm like, I'm not going to do it, so just stop. It's like my number one irrational fear. I would rather die than sing this song in front of people, so just stop it.

We've done the Wilbur. We've done our show in front of like a thousand people. I would rather do that than half-ass sing a song in front of six people that are friends. I don't want to do it. Ken Jack did it right. Ken Jack did a genius move. He, as soon as we got in there,

he took his glasses out of his front pocket, put his glasses on, grabbed the book, and spent the entire time like picking the songs. So he never had to sing. He was just in charge of the song. He was like the MC kind of. Smart. And then I realized at the end he never sang a song. But he still participated. But everyone loved

him because he set the whole thing up. Very smart. 5 a.m. though, bro. You must be dead. I would still be paying for that if I were you days later. Yeah. No, I mean it won't happen again. It won't happen again. No. It won't happen again this year.

Maybe not New Year's. Maybe two years from now. Well, technically, that was 2018, bro. That's true. Yeah. So you could maybe do it. It was fun. It was fun.

I had fun. Made some new Barstool friends. It was an enjoyable time. Made some new Barstool friends. Excited for Kate to come in today. We're buddies now. All right. Fuck you with all your friends and your social life. I came in this morning.

I walked around and I said hi to people. I've never done that. Not my Keith. Not my editor-in-chief, man. Willie Colon yelled to me because, like, for two months in a row, I came in in the morning and walked by. And he was like, bro, why do you never say good morning to me or say hi? And I was like, Willie, I don't. Come on.

Well, listen. Let's get into it because that's all part of, like, what I want to talk about. And that's how,'s how life is miserable. I don't know if that's ever a theme we've tackled here on KC Radio, but Willie's new, and he's happy, and he's excited, and he doesn't realize that we've been ground to dust. We are the fucking after Thanos snaps, and you become like those ashes. It's not dirt. It's kind of just like ashes.

Yeah, we're like dusted. That's us. It's him and large that sit right by the elevators so then i come in uh like one of the first people here obviously except for them and then they're like you know jolly and happy and they just did their show and they're amped up well to them that's like midday then they've done their shit they're getting off work for happy hour that's kind of like what they're at it's just that it's 8 a.m and they're talking and they're like expecting good mornings and i'm like, I just got to work. Do you know how long

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Order before January 8th, and you'll save on the extended holiday sale. That's simplysafe.com slash KFC Radio. As we record this right now, it is Tuesday, January, Wednesday. What's the day? January 2nd is what matters. It's Wednesday, January 2nd. And every single year for many years on the blog, I wrote about how this is the worst day of the year because you're coming off

of a lot of people are coming off of like a 10 day vacation. Or if you're not as lucky to have all these days off, you have some sort of vacation. You've been with your family. It's been great times. You're getting gifts. You're drinking, you're going out and doing karaoke till the sun comes up.

You put on 10 pounds. Some of us did that. 10 pounds in 10 days. 10 pounds in 10 days is impressive. You did that? He did that. I did that. Are you serious?

Because you cut loose and you were just enjoying yourself. You were traveling. You do whatever you want. And then all of a sudden, January 2nd comes and it just fucks you in the butt. I had to do that for pledging just for life I didn't do it on purpose Keith he's looking at me like how'd you do that

you were in California so you had what In-N-Out Burger or whatever it is like 25 times I don't do it that's it I mean I didn't eat carbs for like 6 months and then I just did again so you're gonna drop that right back you don't look fat I mean I guess you're sitting down and have a hoodie on but you look the same thanks Keith I put on so much weight and I feel like I still look the same I mean I don't look fat. I mean, I guess you're sitting down and have a hoodie on, but you look the same. Thanks, Keith.

I put on so much weight, and I feel like I still look the same. I mean, I don't look good, but, like, I'm just, like, steadily. It's part of the male time plan. It's like if you just always look mediocre, if you fluctuate up, you're still mediocre. Fluctuate down, you don't look good, you're still mediocre. That's true. Fuck you. You're skinny.

Fucking tall, skinny guy. Oh, okay. Yeah, fuck you. I'm trying to gain weight. I can't gain weight. Oh, suck a dick. That's true. Fuck you. You're skinny. Fucking tall skinny guy. Oh, okay. Yeah, fuck you. I'm trying to gain weight. I can't gain weight. Suck a dick. Literally, suck my dick. So... When you say that, just hang out with Kev. Like, just really eat what he eats. You'll gain weight. You have to. I mean, I got McDonald's delivery

four times over break. Yeah, no, he's pretty bad. He's pretty bad. It's not like Keith earns the way he looks. He's got some like special Jewish metabolism going. What the fuck is that? I don't know. I just have to assume it's something from Judaism that keeps getting me. You just have your quota of Jewish comments.

Correct. We'll get into the Jews later. We got some Jew talk to do today. January 2nd, forever, to me, was the worst day. Because after all that fun and all that time off and all the eating and all the presents, and everybody at work just shuts it down. Now it's like new year, new you. Everybody's back to work.

All the new goals are all the emails you have to answer. How's the treadmill working out? When I'm home, I do it. I just like I'm either watching the kids or not at home. I have a treadmill. I bought a treadmill. I bought a treadmill. It was a $4,000 treadmill.

I got it for $200. It was marked down. It said on the website, you save $3,800. So what I do is I walk on it at night. I just walk and I watch TV. That shit looks like a $200 treadmill. It does not look like a $4,000 treadmill. It's a treadmill made for ants.

It is the tiniest treadmill I legit don't think you could run on it. I'm not going to run on it, but I feel like if you were to run, especially if you were like a fat person who needs a treadmill, like the pounding of it, I think you would just break through the fucking bottom. It's a piece of shit. Where is it in your... I put it right in front of my

fucking TV. Like in the living room? Right in the fucking TV. Keith, you should see my house right now. My living situation. I have two rooms in an entire house. There are only two rooms that are left furnished. It's just an empty house with a big TV and a treadmill. I was laughing, but that's pretty depressing.

So I'll just watch. The other day, I watched the fucking fucking Islanders and I just walked four miles on the treadmill. Watching the Islanders. I'm texting Frankie Borelli. I'm like, yo, what's up, man? I'm watching the Islanders for the first time as I'm just sitting there walking. How did we get on the treadmill? Anyway, well, this plays perfectly

because were you guys just listening to that depressing little description of my life? Cause everybody, did everybody soak that in? Because my point is, I used to say how miserable January 2nd is until January 3rd, 4th, 5th, March 1st, June 15th, October 10th, all the way through the year when all of the days are depressing like that. January 2nd ain't shit like i i mean it used to be it was a it was a funny like running gig gag i had where i broke down the worst days of the year it was always just days after extended holidays or weekends off

people used to take it way too seriously they'd be bro you already said that the day after thanksgiving's the worst day how could this one be the worst day? There's multiple, worst means only one. How could there be multiple worst, man? Fucking dicks. People take things seriously on the internet. Apparently, goddamn. They don't like rankings of things.

No, and apparently they love barbecue. Everybody loves barbecue. So I- I loved seeing people think that you made that up. Made up your preference. Like, I was just sitting there loving barbecue, being like, I'm gonna tell the world I don't like it

as I eat this brisket. But they say that it's played out to say that you don't like things. Because, like, that's a shtick. Like, that's a... Yeah, I love this, but I'll get more clicks if I say I hate it. That's our true strategy. I picked one troll during Barbecue Gate, and I was like, let's talk this through.

I want to talk this through. Like, you think that my approach to become more popular on the internet is to say that I don't like the things that everyone else loves? Like, hey, here's the popular thing with all the cool kids. Fuck you guys. Yeah, that's my goal. That's my plan to's the popular thing with all the cool kids. Fuck you guys. Yeah, that's my goal. That's my plan to get popular on the internet, you dumb fucks. My favorite is when, like, 5,000 people respond to you. Well, you've obviously never tried, like, Reggie's Barbecue in bumfuck Louisiana.

Like, yeah, you're right. Spoken like a guy from New York. Yeah, that's the goddamn point. That's the fucking point. And then when I posted Dallas Barbecue and I said I've tried authentic Texas barbecue and they were like, Dallas barbecue is not real barbecue. He said, it's got Dallas in the name. From Texas, man.

It's as authentic as it gets. That was fun. People were accusing me of trolling when I really was just giving my opinion, but then I started trolling. I was like, no, dinosaur barbecue, Dallas barbecue. Boston Market kind of counts as barbecue, right? Yes. The worst days of the year. I mean, it was, people are asking me like, where's the blog or like, what do you think? And, and to be honest, I almost need to pick somebody out there. I don't know, like maybe K I feel like KB is young, right? He writes blogs. Maybe I'm going to pass the

torch. Like you write this shit now. shit now cause I don't have those feelings in my heart anymore I woke up on January 2nd and I was I didn't even realize that this would have been the day I said that shit I was fucking happy to go to work I don't know what to tell you I never thought I'd reach that point my father was that way forever and his job sucked like a little bit better where our job's like a fake job

he used to be like can't wait to put my suit on and go back to my office and I was like boy you fucking hate us huh and now i get it i get it there's just i mean two i was i was thrilled to just be like here the kids pass to the nanny and get the fuck back to work it when you and i mean you're not as miserable in your everyday life as i am keith because you're still smart don't have kids and shit uh but once don't know, once you've been like doing this life thing for a while, it all just kind of blends into even like the hot, like the seasons, like summer to me used to be like fucking share houses and hit the beach. And now I'm just like, well, now it means I'm going

to sweat while I do all those things. Like the winter comes along. It's like, well, now I'm going to be cold while I do all those shitty things. It's along, it's like, well, now I'm going to be cold while I do all those shitty things. It's just a matter of temperature. That's really all it is. I was going to say, it's easier for us because our job's pretty cool. We come here and we're with cool people doing cool stuff. But that's a good point when you're home with your wife. Well, that's not a shot at you. But if you're home with your wife and kids, you can't stay there for more than two or

three days before you want to get the fuck out of there. No. Extended holidays are just like... I mean, with the kids, it's like, well, your nanny's off too. So now you have to watch your kids from like... For me, it was like from 6 a.m. to 7 p.m. Like a 13-hour shift with the kids. And when I was stuck in the marriage that I wasn't happy in, it was like...

And on top of that, you're going to be doing a bunch of things that you don't want to do. It was like, Monday's going to roll around and i get to like go fucking do a podcast with keith that sounds a lot better i can't have like a house guest over for more than two hours before i'm like okay get the fuck out of here like please leave then they leave and i'm like oh i'm not going out tonight i'm going to watch tv now that i have my alone time yo there's nothing better than being alone oh absolutely that's why i wasn't gonna do anything for new years my new my new my new struggle though is I used to cherish the alone time so much because there was so much not alone time. When there's endless alone time, it's not even that endless for me.

It's just like tonight I have the kids, tomorrow I don't. So there is an end in sight. But when I just have an open slate of nothing, I get like, oh, wait, maybe I should be doing something. Yeah, but then you don't. Yeah, I gotta just like power through that and just not do it yeah because then you have to like you have to force yourself to do something and then it's like if i stay yeah like if i stay inside for like when i was home for christmas i realized i hadn't gone outside in two and a half days and i was like you know what i should go outside but then i was like it's freezing cold yeah and like walk around the block that's why i'm always team

indoors when people like you got to go outside for a little bit. I'm like, if you like to go outside, fine, go do your thing. But if you're happy being inside and you're just like making yourself go outside because that's what you're supposed to do. Fuck that. It's a little different in the summer because I'm like, oh, I should get a little tan. Get some sun. Like I'm very pale.

Yeah. And I'll go up on the roof or something. But even that, you get up there and then you're like sweating. It's fucking hot. Yeah. You're squinting because of the sun. You're like, okay, I'm going to go inside now. Yeah. there and then you're like sweating and you're like you're squinting because of the sun you're like okay i'm gonna go inside now yeah it's like you're fucking sweating there's like european people around drinking and being loud and playing their

boom boxes and you're like i don't want to be around you i don't want fucking hot team indoors for life and and and i love i loved my life when i was at the point where i could differentiate between good and bad days i really did i wanted be okay. It's miserable to be back after Thanksgiving. It's horrific to be back after Christmas, the day after the Super Bowl is very bleak, all those things, because all the other times I was having fun. And now, you know, I'm not. And I do this all the time. And there's listeners who are younger than me who they thought I was exaggerating about

cube life and how bad it could be. And they thought I was exaggerating about like wedding planning and how stressful that can be. And they thought I wasn't telling the truth when I said how like stressful marriage can be. And then they all go through these things and they are like, oh, shit, you were really like you weren't you weren't lying. I'm like, yeah, man, I'm not here exaggerating. I'm not making things up for effect. I'm just telling you how it goes. And as an average dude, I can pretty much guarantee that there's a lot of people doing it the same way I do it.

And I'm telling you, you'll reach a point where the days just blend together and it's really like days off, days on. I will tell you there's nothing that makes me appreciate this job more than when I'm going to a meeting or something in an office space. And I walk into the room and I see the people in their cubicles. And I see them just typing on an Excel spreadsheet. And I'm like, thank God that I've just been at Barstool. And that's the X factor. That's where, though, can you imagine if you get to the point? I think there was probably still a point where I would have liked to just go to Deloitte.

Because at least you're just alone. There are people who just want to get out. It's crazy. So brace yourself. If you're like 25, live it up now. Almost embrace how much days like yesterday or today, if you're still feeling it, how much those days suck.

Soak that feeling in because eventually they all suck but what you do over the break is a beautiful thing you just sit in front of the tv and you watch on your treadmill on your treadmill you sit on the couch i stand on my treadmill and you watch netflix you binge the new hot shit you watch the the new movies, the old movies, you do it all. So we're going to break it down Barstool DVR style. It's brought to you by Noom. It's that time of year. New Year's resolutions are here. Kick off this year right and get help staying on track to meet your goals with Noom. Instead of your typical resolutions with Noom, you're going to lose the guilt as you learn how to develop a new relationship with food. This is so up my

fucking alley. Your boy needs a little noom in his life. Sticking to a weight loss plan can be hard. Facts can attest, can confirm, especially when you don't know how to handle the thoughts and the obstacles that hold you back from making progress. Also fact, I'm a fucking, yeah, you too. 10 days, 10 pounds in 10 days. You need some Noom up in here also. Most people, after you lose the weight, you gain it all back because most weight loss plans just tell you what to do while you're on the plan, not afterwards. Gym memberships, personal trainers, all that stuff, way too expensive. Noom is here. So Noom, it's an app. It's in the palm of your hand, and it's not going to tell you what foods you can't have, all the good stuff. It teaches you

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a fitness trainer all in one combined so that there's a community for you to learn how to keep your goals. There's group discussions, all for less than the price of a single appointment with a nutritionist or a personal trainer. So it's an app on your phone that's going to make your New Year's resolutions come true. Go to Noom.com, N-O-O-M.com slash KFC, and you can start your trial today. That's Noom.com slash KFC. Start losing weight for good. So I was gaining weight as I sat on the couch, and I banged out. Well, I noticed that BC hopped on his computer over there taking some notes on that ad read. Yeah, I bet he did. I bet he did.

Noom.com. I was going to say, though, that this is what I try and do for you. You just ignore it. But then, you know, with the 10 pounds in 10 days, I can't really talk right now. You are my Noom. Fat motherfucker over here. Honestly, I mean, I've always said, though, like, the only way I'm going to lose weight is if I have a personal trainer and like a nutritionist and a personal chef and like a therapist. So if there's an app that kind of combines all that shit and just like, yo, just follow this fucking phone. If I can't do that, then I'm just gonna be a fat person. I mean, that's really look yourself in the mirror. If you can't lose weight

on Noom, which is everything you need on your phone, you should be a fat person. If I needed that, it sounds awesome. This fucking guy. If I needed that. You're like a hot chick being like, oh my god, I put on two pounds. Like, shut up, bitch. You're still like 100 pounds of fat ass tits. No, I don't put on two pounds. I don't put on any pounds. Keith is going to be the other side of Noom.

He's just going to be the one. Just don't eat. Or just eat that. Who cares? It doesn't matter. I'm going to just text Keith. He's going to be my Noom. Like, I'm your nutritionist.

Eat it, bitch. But that's the problem. He's going to be like, eat all of that. You don't gain weight from that. No. Is fried chicken right? Yes. Is cheeseburgers right?

Yes. Done. What were you watching this break? Well, let's just get into Black Mirror. Because Black Mirror dropped. And I feel like Netflix is very smart these days. I think they know when to drop shit. And I think the holidays is the perfect time to drop a a bird box where like they had everybody by the nuts.

Did you watch that? I did. Yeah. Everybody was like, you got to watch bird box. And whether it was good or not good or where you fell is almost like you had to watch it because it was like the talk of the Internet, the memes and the discussion and the jokes. You had to be in on it. So it's a it's a very opportune time time for any of the the networks or media players or streaming players whatever to drop something and uh bandersnatch bondersnatch boogersnatch i don't

know what the fuck was i mean that was a big deal black black mirror fans you being the biggest one ever i mean when they drop like a trailer or a teaser or even just like a coming soon tweet we all go bananas like it's coming and so when i heard there was new black mirror i was gassed then i heard it's this choose your own adventure interactive 312 minutes five possible outcomes one trillion permutations of i think so i think 10 endings yeah i mean it was the numbers that were floating around about the different ways you can watch this and conclude this were almost stupid. And I think having heard some of the feedback, I think it was stupid.

Well, let me say. I mean, you gave it a negative 10% K-Marco. I gave it a negative 10%. It was 0% for the show and negative 10% for making me question why I like Black Mirror in the first place. Right, because you're a Black Mirror stan. You're the guy who's always promoting it, and all of a sudden, you're an asshole. That was a big source of anxiety,

was that they dropped it on the 28th or something. And I was upstate in bumfuck New York in my friend's cabin type thing. And the internet sucked, so I couldn't stream. Plus, I wasn't going to watch 300 minutes of the show. I haven't watched it yet, because you need to carve out a day to do this. And I'm like the black mirror guy so everyone's tweeting me like where's your review where's your review and i'm like i can't get fucking internet heavy life so i was

as soon as i got home i turned the turn tv on dug into it i regret i regret doing this buddy this they fucking sucked no regime no none look at so It was so bad. None. Look at this. I mean, yeah, you got your notes. Look at this. I sat down with this piece of paper. Do we have a camera on this? Yeah, yeah. Two full pages, front and back, taking notes.

I wrote down every decision I made throughout the show. I took little notes that I could talk about. Just quickly, how many choices can you make? Is it like you get to pick an ending, or is it like every step of the way? Every step. There's so many choices. It's like every minute you have to make a choice. Oh, fuck that. So it was every minute you have to make a choice. Fuck that. It was like Frosty Cereal.

Now to refuse. Yes, no. Each one of these underlined things is a choice that I made. So I was going to map it out and I could talk about it on KFC radio and be really educated about it. Then do another path. I fucking gave up halfway through the back of the page. This is stupid. Fuck this show.

It was so bad. I thought it was like you know does he pull the trigger or not like something big like that not like what fucking serial one of them is like kill dad or walk away so that sounds pretty cool that's what I I actually don't like this idea in general I

know that it's probably gonna be like the future and interactive stuff can be cool to me it's like i would rather a really good writer who's better than i am at this write it exactly that's my point and finish it you know like the idea is like all right let's crowdsource this and how about we crowdsource all the best people who can come up with uh with a tv show and then we'll whittle it down to one and let that, yeah, it's called a fucking TV writer. Like, let someone who's good do this. If I was smart enough and good enough to do it, I would write a TV show. I'm not, so I rely on the people who are.

Correct. And it's like, to its credit, like it is, it's plotted out. They did write each ending. They wrote how it went. So it's not like crowdsourcing the whole material. It crowdsources which direction you can go in. But's fucking annoying it's not like it's not fun to watch yeah you need to remote in your hands you need to pick something there were two moments in it that i cringed so hard that i blacked out for a second it was we're spoiling it right people

watched it yeah whatever when it said on the computer his his computer, he's like kind of going crazy. He's typing and the computer writes a message to him saying, I am Netflix. And he's like, what, what is Netflix? And it's like, I am a streaming service from the future that entertains people. And I lost it.

But, and then I actually forgot about a moment. Someone tweeted at me where he's seeing this therapist. She's like a quiet therapist. And then one of forgot about a moment someone tweeted at me where he's seeing this therapist. She's like a quiet therapist. And then one of the paths you choose, she hops up and whips out nunchucks and turns into a ninja. And they have like a battle scene. Come on now. I mean, like no matter what.

And you're probably right. They did like write out every ending as if probably it was its own TV show and its own, you know, plot that really deserves attention on some level there had to be like, well, this decision matches with this one and this one matches with that one. And if you start to mix and match, it's probably just not going to be as cohesive and good as it could be or should be. It's like,

if you, if you click this cereal and then also that this fucking ninja therapist is fighting, it just, to me, I don't think we're ready for it. I bet you eventually this will work, or it'll be like virtual reality where you'll be in it,

so it's not just like making decisions. It's like you're part of it. But I think right now we ain't ready for 312 minutes and 10 million permutations of TV shows. It's not fun. I'm going to go back to reading books if this is what TV is going to be like. Right, right.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, the whole point is to be lazy and easy. This is making it difficult. Was the plot, the general plot. Good. Like if you had to sum up like a like a, you know, Black Mirror always kind of has like one theme. It's like, hey, you're we live in a world where you rate people like Uber, like boom, done. What was the theme of this? So like like surface level, it wasn't fun. And it just it just sucked to the show going into the themes.

That was my biggest problem with it was it didn't say anything new. The theme was you've heard it a thousand times before it was like free will versus is everything determined is it like what is what is uh technology doing to our brains which is the point of black mirror but it but it didn't expound on it in any way that was like profound i can see it makes sense like you're doing a choose your own adventure so it's like can you control it or is it fate i get that but yeah it's it's pretty trite well yeah it wasn't anything new like black mirror's biggest thing is that each episode you watch except for a few that stunk uh not metalhead which was awesome but it always makes you it's either really entertaining or it's like wow i mean it's a mind fuck it makes you think and you feel like smart

thinking something nothing this is yeah it felt like the Choose Your Own Adventure was its only conceit. It didn't say anything. It didn't. So that to me is like they, that was the, they made a Choose Your Own Adventure episode. They didn't make an episode that you can do Choose Your Own Adventure. You know what I mean? It was, it was almost like that was the hook. Yeah.

The rest of the, the, the plot points and the endings and the messaging and all that shit was like, that was secondary to the idea of, Hey, we made messaging and all that shit was like, that was secondary to the idea of, Hey, we made interactive TV. So it's like you use that as a crutch. My, my ending that I got stunk and I didn't want to watch anymore. So I went on and just like read them.

Like they rank the top 10 endings and none of them were good. Every ending was not good or interesting. That's a good point too, because I feel like you kind of think to yourself like, Oh, if I don't like this ending, I'll go back and watch another one. But it's like like if you didn't like a movie would you rewind halfway and like start it over again that you probably soured on it you know what it did is it you'd make a choice

about something and then later on in the show it would give you it would make you revisit that choice because it clearly wanted you to pick something yeah which i get is kind of part of the theme is like about the whole everything's determined thing is like you think you're making these choices but it's all which i guess is kind of deep but it it sucked yeah like you choose not to kill your dad and walk away later on in the show you have to kill your dad and uh there was one one part of it that was cool and interesting and if that was like the point of the show it would be like awesome black mirror episode it was when it turns out that the the dad so you don't know real quick the dad like in the very beginning takes away this kid's rabbit

and the mom is like come on we got to catch this train and the kid's like no i can't find my rabbit and so she gets delayed and takes the next train that train derails and she dies so he blamed himself whatever so then you find out that the dad took the rabbit and hidden in this room and the kid breaks into the room and opens the safe and it's uh it was all science experiment like the dad wasn't his real dad they like conditioned this kid to for like years yeah since since birth they conditioned this kid to be attached to the rabbit and he was being filmed with everything his therapy was being filmed they were like and then it like zooms out and he's on a set and the dad is a scientist it was really cool then they that was it that ended and then you go back into the show like that

if that was like an ending of yeah that's super cool. But that was the only redeeming quality of it. I mean, yeah, to, you know, we can debate metalheads and you can talk about like certain episodes, but to hear the overwhelming, like this is not even worth your time. That's disappointing. When I tweeted how much I hated it, I figured it would be like the barbecue thing. Like everyone would tell me I was an idiot. An overwhelming amount of people, including Daryl Morey, GM of the Houston Rockets. So weird.

I like, Sandecker's tweet was on point too. Like, I expected people to be like, you just don't get it. Like, pull the Kanye on me. Like, oh, it's art and you don't understand it. And then his boss chimes in, yeah, no, it sucked. Yeah, not many people. So I didn't, I didn't read the reviews until late that night because I didn't want to be influenced.

So I tweeted like, I'm sure all the critics are going to say this is genius and you just don't get it. To their credit, nobody really said that. A lot of them, it got like 95% positive ratings. But it was because it's, like, innovative and new and, like, the conceit was cool. But the actual plot was not good. Which, at the end of the day, that's what I'm looking for, man. I don't need the gimmicks. I don't need the props and the, you know. you know and not even like i don't need to be treated

like i'm stupid like show me some boobs and tits and that's awesome but i just want someone who's a professional who's really good at this to make a beginning middle and end and and put put the best product possible out there and i i liked metalhead for real but i obviously like went over the top because you didn't like it so So we were fighting about it. This I texted you. I was like, you would expect me to like this because I'm pretentious. He did. But this sucked.

Yeah. It really sucked. Yeah. I mean, that's that to me. That's when the Black Mirror Stan, who's admittedly pretentious about his Black Mirror, says, don't even bother. It doesn't even. That is a i wrote once a hill shot i got to the end and i'm writing these choices down and then i have lame circled and starred and that's when i stopped

lame i was spending the entire break uh with the tribe the chosen's i was watching Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. I wonder why your break was so good. And I could go to temple wearing a yarmulke, spinning a dreidel, eating lox, reading Hebrew, and it would be a less Jewish experience than watching Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. That's a less Jewish experience than watching Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. It's like a fucking awesome experience. It is the most Jewish thing in the world. And it's hilarious. It's so funny. They play upon so many of the Jewish stereotypes in so many funny ways.

Especially in season two, they go to the Catskills and they're just gone for the summer. And the kids are just shipped off for two months. And they're just doing and talking the most Jewishish ways ever and season one was the same way too it's like the names the clothes the accents the behavior all of it is so so jewish and i find it hilarious because i'm from new york and i have jewish family and i have jewish friends and i've been making fun of jewish people and we've been doing Hanukkah versus Christmas forever.

And like, I, I probably know more about, I know as much about Jewish people as most as some Jewish people, because I'm so entrenched in it here in New York, but I can't imagine. And this show is very popular. She wins awards. I think it's, it wins awards as a show. So a lot of people are watching it, but it's got to just be like New York and L.A. and Israel. Because there is just no way that someone from like the Midwest can understand any of this. Unless they just take it on the surface as just like, I don't know, these are quirky characters.

Not understanding that these are like spot on accurate stereotypes and truths about the Jewish religion. But I can't imagine being from the Midwest being like being like i get it moysha moysha and you know mule i get it like i would love to get trent's opinion right yeah trent would be perfect it's like do you get any of this do you understand or vibs vibs had me film a like a hanukkah party skit with him and he had legitimately never met a jewish person before i before he came here i mean there's yeah if you're from Middle America, a Jewish person is as rare as it gets. I mean, there's three places on Earth that you guys exist.

New York, LA, and Israel. That's it. And Florida, because that's like New York South. Yeah, that's where the retired Jews go. It's probably... It makes it cool for them, because it's like a fantasy series. It's like Game of Thrones has the dragons. This show has Jews.

What are these things? Like, wow. I could never even imagine something like this. Wow. What creative writers making up characters like this? There are no real humans like this. I'm watching a fantasy series. Nah, man.

This is how they really are. I remember I only watched half of season one. I liked it, but I just, I stopped. I remember I texted watched half of season one. I liked it, but I just stopped. I remember I texted you and I was like, you watching this show on Miss Maisel? You were like, yeah. And I was like, pretty Jewish, huh? You're like, fuck yeah.

The most, the most Jewish. The most Jewish Fleischman, the girl who cuts our hair, she is Midge. She is Mrs. Maisel. The attitude, the jokes, the Jewishness, all of it. I'm like, you are Midge. And she was like, fuck yeah, I am. You're goddamn right.

It's a very funny show. I just, I find, like if you watch the episodes where they go to the Catskills, it is just Jews at summer camp. And it is, I think it's hilarious because I know that. I know how much the kids just get shipped off to camp and I know what the parents want to do and I know all of that shit so it's and it's spot on but if you're some corn-fed boy from Iowa I I don't think you're gonna understand midge mazel and and you know when I told Fleischman I wasn't going home for Thanksgiving she was like oh you have to come over you're invited I was like who's going she's just my family was like, oh, you have to come over. You're invited? I was like, who's going? She's like, it's just my family. You can't, but you've got to

come over. And then for a week after, she was texting me what the spread was, what she was making. Am I coming? I was like, I thought this was just a nice offer. She was like, no, seriously, are you coming? She is for sure Jewish mom now. And when I tweet not doing anything for Passover dinner or whatever,

I get serious replies and emails being like, hey, come on over for Passover. My mom said you're welcome. Jews are just the nicest people. They just want you to be included. She was telling me about when she did the teen tour when she was a kid.

America Travels West, it's called, or some shit, the teen tour. She just went to California for two months, and she was like 14. Boys, girls, all of just like living in a hotel together and their parents were just like peace it's crazy jewish moms are like they're so nervous that you didn't eat like enough calories throughout the day but then you hit like 14 and it's like i don't know let's go just fucking figure it out i didn't know about the the summer camps thing either until

i went to so i grew up i was the only only Jew in my town growing up and everyone called me the Jew so I was like no I'm not only my mom's Jewish and uh so I do I avoid yeah I was like like the bullied Jew kid yeah then I went to high school nobody Jewish there and then I went to college all Jews all New York Jews so that's when I started realizing it's okay to be Jewish well not in your eyes but uh and then every single person i ever met went to a summer camp like an entire camp my camp friends my camp friends my camp fuck your camp friends my mom came to visit and one of my best friends there we went out to dinner and two minutes into it they went to the same summer camp i guess they realized they talked about that for an hour yeah it's like the amount of of camp friends and then like camp boyfriend girlfriends it's just they have you guys have like your own

second life yeah i mean i wish i didn't miss out on it for so long yeah that stinks i didn't really like camp so i don't know if i would have been a great jewish kid but they you guys all seem to love it i would love to be a jewish parent i mean like memorial day hits and you just send your kids away until labor day yeah but then every other moment is very stressful because you have to do everything. You pack everything into the other 10 months. That's the thing. It's like, that's why I was asking Erica Fleishman about it because I was like, you know, she talks to me about her kid

and she's like worried about everything and what he's eating and if he's crawling and moving and talking and this and that and that. And then I'm like, but are you going to send him to camp? She's like, yeah, fuck yeah. She's like, I want to do stuff over the summer. What is going on? I love it. I mean, I think it do stuff over the summer. What is going on? I love it. I mean,

I think it's a very funny show. I just, if you are, uh, you know, from the Midwest, if you're somewhere where there are no Jewish people and you're watching Mrs.

Maisel or go give it a shot, I would love to know the, like, do you get it? Do you understand it? Yeah, we should ask. We should round up.

I really want to know Trent's. Trent doesn't, would not understand that. There's no way he watched it, but I'm going to get him to see it. Real quick before we wrap up, Bird Box, yes or no? In or out? Yes to watch it.

No, it's not good. I said to John, in this 2019 now internet world where, pick a side, is it a good movie or a bad movie? Obviously, especially entertainment, it's in between. I thought it was entertaining. I wouldn't regret watching it. But if you're're asking me is it good or is it bad i have to go bad because it's just there's so many parts of it that i thought were like silly and stupid the plot is super cool like idea yeah they didn't execute it well at all right i'm surprised like

it was a book and everything because at first i thought it was just like oh this is kind of like a haphazard movie and it's like no you had a award-winning book to go after to base it after and i thought unless the book just ends poorly too i feel like they must have eventually been like and i don't know at the end i thought it was a tv show when i started yeah you were like episode one this episode is fucking long i hope they're not all an hour and a half and then it ended and i was like oh okay good on them though the amount of memes and people using the sandra bullock picture with the blindfold and people pulling the old lady's eyes open like 2019 you get in the meme culture your your show's gonna be a success people somebody was like uh don't watch don't watch Bird Box for the memes watch it for Sandra

Bullock's performance where she delivers a a performance for the ages only able being able to use like half her face muscles and then uh do you know the guy Joven Joven Hill on Twitter he's like the king of gay Twitter. He just, he just replied, no, I'm going to watch it for the memes. Like,

just, just make sure you understand the memes and all else will be good. I will say, this is how well I know the internet. The second I finished watching it, I think I texted you. I was like, watch tomorrow.

There will be think pieces about mental health. And as soon as I woke up, Mashable had an article about how, because you can tell that people are going to be outraged because of how much it stigmatizes mental illness. Everyone who has a mental illness is a murderer trying to kill everyone and they're safe from it.

You're crazy. The one guy was like, that guy's always been a little bit crazy and he's like a full blown murderer. All the crazy people got upset. You can put it like clockwork. Actually, that segues perfectly. We've got to talk about the world of comedy right now because there's a lot of butthurt people and there's a lot of controversy going on with Louis C.K. and Tiffany Haddish

and Judd Apatow. This segment's brought to you by ZipRecruiter. Kick off 2019. Try to grow your business. Try to fill those job spots. Fill those roles. ZipRecruiter is the best way to do it. The best way to figure out the best available talent

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ZipRecruiter is the best way to do it. ZipRecruiter.com slash KFC, the best way to hire. So Louis C.K. is back. This is your 10-second KMarco news update. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are expecting their fourth child. I was thinking about this because if you are rich and you clearly can outsource, she probably has like a team of nannies, right?

And now she's outsourcing the pregnancy. Yeah. I'll have a fucking thousand kids. I'll just keep having them until one of them is a ballplayer and one of them is an entertainer. You know what I mean? It's like, well, I'll have a thousand. However many eggs she has left. Yeah, right.

I'll have all of them because I don't have to push them out. And then when they're here, I have so much money that taking care of them ain't shit. Congratulations, though. That's awesome. And that was the 10 second K Marko news update. I'm going to make that a thing. When you do your ad reads, I check Twitter and I'll just pick out the best story. Thank you.

Because for years, Dan and John just checked Twitter and never did anything during the time. You know what I mean? Like, make yourself useful. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just scrolling through Twitter. Thank you, Keith. You're welcome.

So Louis C.K.'s back, and it ain't in a good way. I mean, people have been anticipating his return for a long time, and it started out with the old footage of him leaking. Him, Chris Rock, Seinfeld, and Ricky Gervais. Which was a big thing back in the,

I think I blogged it when it happened. I mean, it was probably a thing, obviously, if you blogged it, but it wasn't a big thing because enough people were blindsided by it. This time it might've been before the like outrage, extreme outrage. What year was it? I don't know. I feel like, I mean, if you, yeah, I feel like it had to be probably pre-Trump pre everything outrage filmed pre everything forthing for sure yeah like hit youtube and spread around a couple years ago i think got it and it wasn't like it was kind of a obviously it was problematic in people's eyes but it was an interesting conversation so i mean louis and chris rocker seem to be like very close chris rock always jokes that louis ck is like a black guy and

he's like the worst traits of all the black guys which prompted prompted Louis C.K. to say, oh, so I'm an N-word. And like Chris Rock laughed about it and was like, yep. And Ricky Gervais was having a fucking party that like white guys were saying. I thought he looked worse than anybody. He was like whooping it up like, oh, this is so funny. We're saying the word we're not allowed to say. And Seinfeld was just sitting there being like, I'm worth a billion dollars and i am not jeopardizing that shit he i thought he almost until the end where he was like i don't find the humor in that word nor do i seek it i thought he was gonna come off

like he was gonna have some problems too because he was it was almost like his silence was kind of condoning it in a way and then he finally spoke up but boy that was just a n-bomb party it was saying the word that was bad if they had just said the n-word it would have been like a really insightful conversation well like anything else when you hear someone say the word out loud it just makes you cringe yeah i mean there are in in race relations race jokes like there is interesting stuff there are funny jokes there are um like thought-provoking conversations to have like i don't like people who are like they just literally can't hear the word like you said it might make

you cringe but if it's just like nope like not doing it it's like well there are stereotypes there are things exist for a reason there are discussions to be had and there is humor in almost everything so let's not like you let's be adults about it but i thought that they kind of went like gratuitous with it and louis ck i mean obviously it was old so i don't think he would he would be doing that well i don't know my thought was hey this sucks because louis ck right now is probably like minding his p's and q's and being like i got to do this the right way i'm not going to run out there and drop n bombs but then the new footage or audio of him leaks doing his new set where he's going in on like gender fluidity type shit and then

just making fun of the kids who survived the parkland shooting which is fucking bananas I almost think is I'm a pretty big fan of like nothing's off limits I think that like I said you can find humor in anything and I think there are people have as a comedian have every right to try to to try to do that I think it's incredibly hard to pull off and you have to be like extremely talented to take the most delicate topics and be funny about them. And one of them would be school shootings. I mean, I don't know if anybody could pull that off right now, let

alone... Did you find it funny? I thought that one was funny. I thought the way he... I think the... There's definitely humor to me in like those kids who are like at every press conference and up on the podiums and there was that one kid i feel like who was like he became the poster child for it and it's all admirable and honorable and shit but it is kind of like bro i was fucking

riding my bike and trying to get hand jobs and here you are you know what i mean like i think there is some humor in the idea of like kids doing that i thought the way he did it just sounded like super hateful though he's like fuck this kid fuck you what the way he did it just sounded like super hateful though. He was like, fuck this kid. Fuck you. What the fuck do you know? I didn't hear the audio. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Right. I mean, did you hear it? Yeah. I felt like it came across as like pretty like hateful. It was just like,

fuck this kid. Who the fuck did, why the fuck would I listen to him? And it's like, all right, but like he's been through a crazy traumatic experience and like,

but I just wonder if there was like an end to the joke. Cause it's just like, I could see if somebody were, were making the point that like, I don't need to listen to this kid and all his viewpoints just because he went through an experience. Cause you see that.

I mean like if that guy, that kid wants to talk about gun control, you can't, I don't think you mock that in any way, shape or form. But if that, if he's up there talking about any and everything, it's like, that's just, that's just another kid. Right. And yeah, if you, if you're going to get up there as that if he's up there talking about for sure any and everything yeah it's like that's just that's just another kid right and yeah if you're gonna get up there

as a kid and now you're talking about like uh you know immigration and welfare and money what do you know about no shit man and i'm sorry we went through this but like get out of here but there's a very there's a tactful way to do that and by saying how did he say it he was just like you're not interesting just because your friend got shot? He went very blunt. He went very blunt. And I think, like I said, it takes an extreme talented person

and I think it has to be very well executed. And I just don't think he's the guy to do it right now. He should be up there making jokes about his cereal and his dog. I don't think he... But I don't know then as i say that out loud i'm like i am i i would be hypocritical to say that like you shouldn't be able to just get up there and if you find something funny and you're a professional comedian you were

funny for many years then fucking do it i'm just saying i think from a professional point of view that was a bad idea we always use i would i would be like i'm not gonna i'm not gonna do school shootings right now i'm'm already under the microscope. But I can appreciate being like, I'm going pedal to the metal or I'm going to go over the top because I am under the microscope. I just wouldn't do that. Isn't that the thing, too? I meant to ask Francis about this this morning. Isn't it like the way comedians work?

That wasn't a Netflix special he released. Well, yeah, that's why. I'm surprised this doesn't happen more often. I thought it was like bootlegged, right? Yeah, it was someone at the club who was working on a joke. Exactly. So maybe he'd be like, all right, that was not good. But did you hear the laughter?

I think he would have thought this is good. That's where you have to have your own moral compass. When you go to a comedy show, people are going to laugh all the time. We use that analogy at Barstool. It's like when you step into Barstool, if you're not part of it and you don't know how we joke and what our satire and stuff if you just step in pick a blog and take a quote out it's gonna suck right i mean it's gonna look really bad but i was trying to think if i was on if i hopped on barstool radio and dave was like fuck those kids from parkland i would be like whoa buddy oh yeah but that's way different because that's just him this is a comedy show

and where i designed to maybe shop i don't that's just him this is a comedy show and where i designed to maybe shock i don't think many things are off limits in a comedy show like just saying the n-word i think is the only thing like the holocaust jokes can be funny all the time and i'm jewish and i'm not like you're making a joke and things it's edgy and funny and this parkland joke from what i read the quote it was funny it was like obviously, obviously, you know, yeah, I think off color, but I guess I've just, uh, like I said, I,

I kind of, I was very interested to see how Louie bounces back or if he bounces back. And I just don't think that was the way to do it, which is like sucks. Cause I, I did kind of want to see him bounce back. I think it would be, you know,

great to see him like doing his thing again. That doesn't mean I'm not sympathetic to his victims and all that shit. But, uh, I don't know that as the kids say that was not it chief the problem with the like the gender fluidity and stuff is like it was bad it was like hack that to me yeah that was like it was bad it was not funny and from what you're saying about how we delivered the parkland thing that sounds shitty too it just like wasn't but i'm just trying to wonder i'm trying to think if like if another comedian did that if i you know if i was watching or listening with with the bias already because of like his whole situation i think i think i probably was or i think i probably was influenced by the the headline or whatever what i think is is weird because i really did think that

louis ck was one of the funniest guys out there before all this stuff happened. I just was like, everything resonated with me. But those jokes were like below him. I was like, he did not, he could make things funny that I was like, there's no, this isn't funny. This is very mundane and he would make them funny. And this was just kind of like, he was speaking like out of frustration. Well, I think Parkland. I think there was, I think there's like probably a lot of hate in that dude's heart right now.

I feel like he was all coming across very like, fuck this and fuck that. And he probably, yeah, I mean, yeah, I think at the end of the day, it was more shock than it was funny. I think that like if you are in a comedy club doing a standup show that's not for a special or whatever, you can say pretty much anything. Like they make 9-11 jokes you can say whatever and it can it can be funny because you know the situation you're in like if louis ck worked here he couldn't write that in a blog right because that's but in this situation but it was it was funny reading it the delivery doesn't sound like it was very yeah i would be actually pull it up because we'll talk about Tiffany Haddish,

but I want to see if when you listen to it, if it affects you. Tiffany Haddish also making waves in the world of comedy. She had a New Year's Eve gig in Miami and totally bombed. Not just like, oh, my jokes weren't landing. She forgot her set and didn't do it. And the only clip I saw was kind of the aftermath, I guess after it was well-established. Like, I don't remember my set.

People were getting up and leaving, and she said, like, I'm sorry, I had a bunch of things I wanted to talk about. I forgot it, and I don't know what to do right now. Like, she was welcoming people to come sit closer because people, like, in the front row were getting up and leaving. I think she grabbed a drink. Like like someone brought her a bottle of something. A massive Ciroc and she poured shots for people that were still there.

She invited fans up to come tell jokes. I think now the problem is that that Tiffany Haddish had there was some controversy around her when Cat Williams earlier this year was like she didn't pay her dues. She's just kind of been fast-tracked and uh she doesn't deserve like all the movies and all the credit she's getting because she hasn't like cut her teeth enough and then this something like this happens and it's everyone's like well i guess kat williams was right because i i think everyone has the right to bomb but i think like if you're on that level i don't think people forget their set anymore. Like, I do think that there probably is some truth to, like, this girl, this comedian, like, was given too much too quick. And she's still doing things that comedians, it happens to comedians.

You bomb, you forget, you freeze up. But it's just usually the cream of the crop who are getting the movie roles and the money and the sellouts. Just it doesn't happen to them. And it was a New Year's Eve thing. People, like, based their New Year's around it. Around that. Bought probably expensive tickets for it cheap bomb which sucks but i thought her reaction was like you know the doing the shots and it wasn't yeah it wasn't diva like fuck you guys i'm out of here like she like mariah carried that shit she was just kind of like

yeah no i'm pretty sympathetic to her to her because i've always said the number one thing that i will never do and could never do is stand-up comedy it's like the most uncomfortable thing in my life is watching bad stand-up. Because I'll fake laugh at everything. Like I can't take the silence. It's terrifying. That's what I do to you. The first day that I respected Smitty was when he posted his YouTube of doing stand-up back in the day.

And I was like, holy shit, this kid has balls. And then like going to see Francis, I was freaked out that he was going to suck and he'd hang himself in the office. But he was really good. I've seen Sean Latham do it. It's the hardest thing in the world. The balls it takes to go up on stage and try to be funny and watch people's reaction.

It's like a real-life comment section. We can write you a comment section that says, you're not funny, you suck, but you don't know them you can block it out if you want you're watching the comment sections sex and faces think you suck and that is keep doing it yeah and i can imagine where like you forget a joke and you like frazzle you forget the next one and all of a sudden you're just like the whole thing yeah gone no i will never like never fault anyone who tries to do stand-up comedy because i think it's one of the i don't even think it would be that much of a thing if someone in the industry hadn't

said you know this girl is being she's getting preferential treatment but like what is tiffany hodges supposed to do say no chris rock offers her a fucking movie job and she says you know what i haven't really paid my dues in the world of comedy yet like fuck that she there's probably some level of her that's like actually i i don't know i think she's funny and i i never got the vibe that she was like unprofessional but i'm maybe if this is true i'm sure on some level she's like shit i can't believe i'm already doing like feature films like damn i haven't even done comedy for like all that long or whatever i feel like she has i thought there was a story that she did it since she was like 16 i feel like she's pretty legit. But it's like he kind of proved maybe maybe it's a total fluke.

Maybe it's not. But like, it feels like you proved that guy right. Which sucks. Yeah. Leslie Jones got in the mix, too, because Chris Rock brought her name up. Chris Rock responded to Cat Williams and was like, shut the fuck up. And he was like, how come you haven't put like Leslie Jones on? Or maybe he said Cat Williams did the same thing to Leslie Jones. And she and she responded she was like both of y'all need to shut the fuck

up like fuck you fuck you don't talk about tiffany don't talk about me fuck all you guys because there's just forever this like are you a comedian or are you a female comedian you know and like that's that's just it is the way it is it's not going to change there's a very strong sense of that in the stand-up comedian like circuit like we've seen that from francis is like the like you have to pay your dues you have to do this and you like really look down on people that don't like they're very focused on that aspect of it so i could see someone like haddish getting the fast track for it but again like she's not gonna turn it down what good for her yeah francis always trying to get me to do stuff, and I am terrified to do it. But B, I would almost be too aware of that.

If all of a sudden Francis was like, yeah, here you go. You can do 20 minutes at the end of this show. I feel like there would be people who are like, I've been doing open mics and shit like that forever, and now you know the guy who runs it, so you get like, fuck you. There's such an etiquette to it all. And I feel like if you break that in any way you get looked frowned upon but it's like again she's not gonna say no dude oh and even when

you guys did like calcella and the live tour i was like terrified for you guys and that i mean i was terrified for us too i i am terrified i was i i still really really really want to do more of those and i'm like that's the only thing and karaoke that i'm like afraid to do because it is and that is you know way easier than coming up with like material and like doing a whole thing you know all we do is just sit here and answer fucking voicemails let's get into them they're brought to you by liquid ivy keith did you drink your liquid ivy after you're out till 5am because that's the only way you can survive if you're 30 plus and you're still drinking you need liquid IV in your life. A little liquid IV, you mix it

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Ooh, can we stop with the untucked Kyrie shit? Jesus Christ. Celtics fans can't stop talking about his goddamn jersey. I mean, I know it's a thing. I know it's funny, but it's just like they don't talk about anything other than when Kyrie's shirt's untucked. I didn't know that was a thing. Yeah, it's like when he doesn't get fucked. I guess I won't see it tonight because he's out. That's been the K-Marco update.

That's the best tweet that's been on here. Hey KFC Fight, Superproducer BC, quick hypothetical for you. If you had to live one decade of your life in the 20th century before you were born as a rich person,

which decade would it be and why? Viva. One decade of your life as a rich person, which decade would it be and why? Viva. One decade of your life as a rich person? What's the 20th century? The 1900s? Yep. Yep. By the way, there's no more children from the 20th century.

Anyone born in the 20th century is now an adult. 18 years old. 19 years old. Well, that's a very interesting fact. There you go. That's been the KFC fact of the day. You know I'm not good with numbers. I think best

decade... I mean, I would just pick this one and then I would have to change my choice. Before I was born. When was Mad Men? 50s? 60s? 50s. Let's break it down stereotypically. You got 70s.

70s sucked. I don't know what the 70s are. Because like the 60s, I think of like disco or I mean like hippie. I think 70s was like disco. I think 60s is like hippies, Woodstock. You didn't need to be rich. Yeah, that's true. Okay.

50s was mad man ask. I do think you need to be a little high society. When was Apple invented? That's good. No, I can't you need to be a little high society. When was Apple invented? Mmm. No, I can't be that late, right? So if I was born in 87, I can't pick the 80s? Correct. Alright. I was gonna pick

be rich, use it all. Apple founded 76. You don't even need to be rich to just get in on it. You know what I mean? But if you're rich, you can buy all the stuff. So then you become a trillion times richer. But I just feel like in 76, you could almost get in on it. You know what I mean? Back then, it was probably like... No, but if you're rich, you can buy all the stuff. A whole thing. So then you become a trillion times richer. But I just feel like in 76, you could almost get Apple for cheap, right? You don't need to be rich.

Nobody knows what it was yet. Buy all of it. Buy fucking Apple. Buy the company. Buy that whole garage, right? Everyone's like, oh, this all started in a garage. What's your excuse? Fuck you.

Yeah, because like, you don't... Rich... When was the Great Depression? Yeah. I'd want to be rich during the Great Depression. That was my thought. That was my thought. Like, late 20s, early 30s type of shit when, like, the rest of the world was down and you

were just... Oh, just buy a fucking palace and hoard all the potatoes and shit? I feel like those dudes, like Rockefeller and them, they were like... Isn't there something, like, proportional? Like, even with inflation, they're rich. Their wealth was, like, unimaginable. I think it's something. It's like either J.P. Morgan or Rockefeller were more rich than anybody

else. They had modern day trillions the way they were balling when everyone else was poor. That would be kind of fun to just be totally rich when everyone else was poor. What rich are we talking about? Unlimited rich? Like as much money as possible? Sure. Okay. So if you're unlimited rich during the Great Depression you buy the whole world basically. Or you give it all out

and you cancel out the Great Depression and then you're a hero. There was no well they have to know if you let it it's like the i forget what i was talking about but you let it go for a few years people see how depressed everyone is and then you save them so you get to be i think i said that about slavery yep it's coming back yeah you don't want to stop the bad stuff too soon you want to let them suffer a little bit well people need to know it's happening and then you stop it so you're the hero.

If you stop it from ever happening at all, nobody knows. Would you think about going like way back? Like would you go into like the 18 or 1700s and be like,

I'm rich back then? Well, it didn't have to be 19th century. Did he say that? Yeah, he said 19th century. Okay. So then if that's the answer, if that's the parameters,

I think the Great Depression is when you go. Yeah. Otherwise, otherwise the 50s because i think it was cool i think like the war was over the depression was over and it was just time to like basically um uh drink your whiskey and like dominate your females and that's what they did let's i let's be honest i would choose to be rich at any point in human history at any time. Would you choose at any point to be rich or just your life now? Would you rather be rich in like, you have to be like in the 1300s though, or just regular life now? Because what good is being rich when there's like no running water?

Yeah, because you could be rich, but your life expectancy is like 30. Right. And there's like, okay, I'm rich, but I don't even take a shower. I think I'd set a firm date at like 1780. Okay. Okay. I like that. Like right after we're a country.

Yeah. Like, all right, there is America. Oh, that's a good, that's a random date I picked, but that's a very good point.

You don't want to, you don't want to be anywhere else, but America can own America. Now we're cooking. There we go. Very interesting question. I like that. Good voice, man.

What up, KFC Fights, Puerto Rican Puff Daddy? So I've been thinking about this for the last few weeks. I was on a plane and watched Field of Dreams. And since I'm a baseball fan and everyone was saying it was one of the best sports movies ever, I was laughing because this was one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Criminally overrated. Bite your tongue, sir. The whole premise is ridiculous.

All in all, just a horrible movie. So, you know, my question is, what movie do you guys think is criminally overrated that you wish people would just shut the fuck up about? Oh, we'll snatch. By the way, this says that Augusta Caesar adjusted for inflation at $4.6 trillion. Yeah, right. That makes sense. I think this is a ridiculous phone call. Yeah, oh, the Field of Dreams is unrealistic?

Yeah, no fucking kidding. I hate when people say it's unrealistic. Ghosts coming back from the dead because of a magical baseball field. Game of Thrones is unrealistic. That's why I don't watch it. It's dragons. It's stupid. Dragons cannot possibly fly at that altitude.

If you can't enjoy or appreciate that guy having a fucking catch with his dad, you're an asshole. So it's criminally overrated movie? I mean, The Godfather. It's The Godfather. It's god fucking home alone 2 does that have good uh does that have good reviews that movie fucking blows what home alone 2 is so bad watch you like home alone 1 though yeah of course what what do you like about home alone 2 that it sucks can you it's just awful on that i'll tell you what's unrealistic about that because

fucking parents did the same thing again like that that wouldn't happen 29 on tomatoes oh okay never mind i take that back then i assumed it was like no but you're right i mean whatever fucking tomatoes is stupid like the general the general vibe on home alone is that like one and two are like interchangeable like people love that movie sounds like it's correctly rated at 29 i uh i think that's a terrible take it's not it's not good i mean yeah yeah you're like you're like one of those people who are like, well, the police should have gone over. The parents should have done this, that. No, no, no, not really. No, I'm fine with it.

Yeah, the parents thing, I take that back. I'm fine with it being unrealistic. Like, it sets up the actual, like, just the movie is boring and stinks. I mean, when he's in the plaza and shit, you don't like that? No. Like, a little kid, like, living out at,aza and shit, you don't like that? No. Like a little kid living out at the Talkboy and shit like that? Yeah.

And Harry and Marv, are you really going to fall for all these booby traps again? You're going to climb up that ladder? I mean, you're going to let those bricks hit you in the face? Oh, yeah. Fucking, that movie sucks.

I won't stand for this. Give me another one besides Home Alone, you dick. And I'm just going to take your silence as agreement in The Godfather and The Godfather 2. No, they're fucking awesome movies. That's incorrect. Name some highly rated movies, and I'll tell you if they suck or not. Well, I guess it depends on rated versus Oscar winner. Good fellas.

Good fellas. Any old movie sucks. Thank you. Like Citizen Kane, best movie of all time. That's terrible. It stinks. Good fellas. Any old movie sucks. Thank you. Like Citizen Kane. Best movie of all time. It's terrible. It stinks. Scarface. I mean, that's a... It depends on what you're defining good movie by. The movie

stinks as a movie. The movie's awesome. As Scarface, I'd watch that movie at any time. It's not a good... That's what I'm talking about. Titanic. No. That's just good. That's what I'm talking about. Of course. That's a different one. Titanic. No. Not underrated.

That's just good. That's all proper. What are like... So top 10 films... Dances with Wolves. Never seen it. What is this list? I don't know.

Just random... It's an IMDb list of popular movies. Yeah. Do like... What's it called? Like UFI top 10 films of all time. I think I'm pretty... Overrated.

That one. Yeah? Overrated. Yeah. I had a huge fight with TFT about this. Forrest Gump. Overrated. Yeah. I do not like... The whites are going to come for you, buddy. I do not like pretty... Overrated. That one. Yeah? Overrated, yeah. I had a huge fight with TFT about this. Forrest Gump, overrated. Yeah. I do not like...

The whites are going to come for you, buddy. I do not like Forrest Gump. I recognize that I'm alone in that opinion. I do not like the movie. Why not? I... I'm just not down with this retard running through history. I don't like that word.

We'll have to delete that. This is mine. Top Gun. You don't like Top Gun? I don't like Top Gun. Even a little bit. that. This is mine. Top Gun. You don't like Top Gun? I don't like Top Gun. Even a little bit. Even a little bit. See, I mean, listen.

Like, if Top Gun is on, I'm changing the channel so fast. I am absolutely no stranger to this. I don't care anymore. I'll tell you what movies I don't like, and I'll just deal with the backlash. You guys better be careful, though, because you'll get roped up in Top Gun Twitter. It'll be, watch out. I'm fine with it. I mean, we all know how I feel about Christmas Vacation, Keith.

Ugh. I don't want to talk about that. While I'm looking at top 10 films of all time, I feel like you're going to think number three is overrated. Schindler's List. Are you writing down what to cut? How about The Breakfast Club? I don't know. Are you writing down what to cut? How about The Breakfast Club?

I don't know. Is that... I mean, that's fine. Whatever. It's like some 80s cookie cutter type of TV opera movie. I think that's overrated, though, because I think there's people who really like it. I know that's old by now, so that's not going to get talked about a lot. But some people are like, that's a classic. They're like, this is a weird fucking movie about kids in detention.

Who fucking cares? Let it out. You got hate in your heart about Breakfast Club? Fucking let it out. These fucking kids in detention in the library or whatever. Fuck you. All these old movies, they stink. They stink, yeah.

They were big in their time. If you're from 1940 or whenever the fuck. This question was like, what's a movie that everybody likes? Mine is very much The Godfather. How about, do you think a person could hate Gladiator? I've never come across a person who hates Gladiator. I feel like girls don't like Gladiator.

Stereotypically, girls don't get down with those epics. Yeah, that's true. Oh, my number one, Star Wars. Star Wars, fucking things.

Original? Every Star Wars ever made. Star Wars one is so bad. Wait, one like the prequel one? The first one. Like the one in the 70s. Like Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader. Yeah.

Oh, wow. I had never seen it. Wow. Wow. Barbecue gate ain't going to be shit to this. But this is a strategic move by me because I'd rather deal with Star Wars Twitter than Forrest Gump Twitter.

I can handle... Handle the nerds. You can't handle the history losers. You can't handle Robbie Fox out there yet. Yeah. I had never seen it, and I didn't want to be the guy that had never seen Star Wars,

so I rented it on iTunes to watch on a plane or train or something, and I was amazed at how bad it was. Well, it is tough. Like, if you're watching it for the first time now, yeah. I mean, back then, those graphics and shit were the biggest thing ever. And now it kind of looks stupid or whatever. But,

boy. Watch out. Burn Keith down. Go get him, Twitter. We'll do a couple more. I'm going to mute my... What's up, KFC? By Superdusabc. I've got a quick hypothetical for you here. So if all the birds on Earth

decided to unite and try and take out the humans, how many humans do you think they could kill? Okay. First of all, how many birds are in the world? John recently Googled this, and he was surprised by the number or something. I remember this on Twitter. So about 10 years ago, two scientists decided to estimate the total number of birds on the planet.

The number they came up with was between 200 and 400 billion birds. It's compared to 5 billion people. That amounts to 40 to 60 birds per person. Now, I just want to make sure that what I just read there

was like, you know, yeah, this is the American Museum of National of Natural natural history and these two guys 10 years ago said there's 500 how many how many how many homeless people are there because those would be the only ones that died because you would just go inside and close the door bird bird bird box these motherfuckers you go inside and you're safe there you go birds can't come and close the windows so you guys get the inside and birds're safe. There you go. Birds can't come in. Close the windows. So you guys get the inside and birds get all of the outside?

Yeah, like eventually you gotta go outside. Are they attacking like indefinitely? Yeah. Oh, okay. Like let's say, I mean, eventually you're gonna need food and all that shit. You're gonna have to leave. I mean, bird box. Like if 50 to 50 birds just jumped on me right now, I think I'd lose.

I think if 50 to 60 birds attacked me. All at once? Yeah. Like, I don't think I could win. And, you know, are we talking, like, pigeons? Or are we talking, like, hawks? Like, if there's, like, a bald eagle mixed in with, like, a hummingbird, there's, like, an array, a smorgasbord of 60 birds, big and bad and also tiny.

I mean. Well, if you're caught off guard by the birds, yes, they'll kill you. The Birds, another horrible movie. Terrible. But if you... The Birds. If you have any advance warning or you're, like, in Bird Box, if you're near a house and you get inside the house, then how would they kill you?

You have a car in the garage. If you need to go out, you get in the car. You just have to be team indoors for life. Oh, it's the sunroof. Yeah. If you had, like, guns and shit, if eventually I acquired some artillery, then it was just like... And what are they? What are they? Just peck, like, guns and shit, if eventually I acquired some artillery, then it was just like... And what, did they just peck, like, your jugular out?

Well, I mean, like, a hawk can, like, rip your throat out with his talons. Yeah, I mean, everyone would die if they were outside and got attacked by birds. Okay, so without... Let's say you have to fight this battle. Let's say you can't just hide. If it's humans versus birds... Of course you fucking die. It's just unlimited birds on you, pecking you?

Yeah. But, like, okay, so I think individually, personally, we fucking die. It's just unlimited birds on you, pecking you? Yeah. What are you? But like, okay. So I think individually, personally, we would die. I think if like armies were like, all right, we have to fight the birds. Well, the thing is, it's like we've exterminated all the things that can kill us. If all of a sudden- We capture birds and put them in zoos and shit. We're better than the birds. I can agree with that.

If they rally together- It was a spontaneous thing. Yeah. They could probably- Like if all birds- As soon as you step step outside all birds are aggressive like there's a problem for like two weeks right like right away they would fuck shit up and then we would get word it would almost be like when aliens attack and all the countries band together

you call up like russia and you're like all right we gotta fucking fight the aliens like all right we gotta get we gotta get the birds under control and i think we would fuck birds up but i mean it's not easy you can't just like blow birds up it's not easy. You can't just, like, blow birds up. It's not like they're on the ground. You have to, like, shoot them out of the air. That's hard. In those movies, the militaries always fail. Like, they never stop the attacks.

That's true. And also, I hear these, you know, you hear these stories about, like, the plane that landed on the Hudson because it just ran into some geese. Like, you took down a plane. That was by accident. Imagine if you're, like, kamikazing this shit or you're like actually going after people I'm I might be team bird I don't like it if you were a soldier on the battlefield in full body armor how many do you think you take out

no you'd survive like that's the only way if you're yeah that's yeah I mean again eventually once we mobilize and like plan for the attack I think humans would win but initially off the bat even like pigeons like the amount of disease and shit you're gonna have to deal with planned for the attack, I think humans would win. But initially, off the bat, even pigeons, the amount of disease and shit you're going to have to deal with. If a pigeon just flies into your mouth right now,

you're dead. You're dead. You get the plague. You're dead in three weeks. You'd be alright with your flamethrower, though. That's true. Because a flamethrower, you just have a bubble around you. It's the ideal weapon, probably. Yeah, because you can't come within basically seven feet of me. I might start killing birds with my flamethrower.

Last Voice Melody is brought to you by Quip. I got myself a Quip. It is a monthly service to keep your choppers and your pearly whites nice and clean. You gotta brush twice a day.

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What's up KFC? Fight. Super producer BC. I got a crush on this dental hygienist that cleans my teeth for me. Perfect. So she's probably the prettiest girl I've ever seen in my life. Okay.

Should I leave my number for her when I go to get my teeth cleaned here in January? Or should I just leave it and see her every six months from now when I go to get my teeth cleaned? If she rejects me, I would have to find a different dentist. No doubt. That's so true. I mean, that's what this guy has to think about. It all depends on how good the dentist is. Right.

Or like if you like him, if he helps clean, if you're very comfortable there, maybe it's convenient, like he's around the corner, whatever it is, if you value that dentist, you have to think to yourself, how bad would it be if I have to get a new dentist? Because if you go all in and you leave your number for a dental hygienist and she wants no part of it, you have to get a new dentist. Yeah. It's a fucking dentist, though. Right.

You don't need a good... Agreed. Say it's Erica Fleischman, the only woman we trust to cut our hair. Different story. I've actually thought about this with one of the... What do you call them? The hostess? Hairstylist?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. People up front. And I was like, oh, this girl's pretty cute. But then then i was like if it fucks up or it goes badly then i cannot ever get my hair can't shit where you eat can't shit where you get your hair i think dentist is easily replaceable yeah i think all dentists are like you just do the right amount of dentists and you're good you can't be like oh my dentist is the best like what extra cleans your teeth like whatever it is what it is. So I'm okay with risking your dentist, but you just have to be aware you're risking your dentist.

Because there's no way you can just go back and be like, hey, remember that time I, like, bared my soul to you? And then you're just still sitting here, like, make sure you floss every two weeks or whatever, you know? Doing the fucking spinny thing that makes your gums itch. But see, that's the problem, too, is that it's very hard to be, like, cool or sexy in a dentist setting. You know, it's like you slip her your number, but next time you're there, you're like. Yeah, I think if she says yes, you need to change dentists. Oh, OK. You can't have your girlfriend, like, doing all these weird things in your mouth.

That's true. So did he say she's, like, doing the dental work or is she just the girl at the reception? Either way, you're going to be... She said the hygienist is the one that does the work and then the dentist comes in and looks at you. She's the one putting the cotton in your mouth, which by the way,

she gives me the chills. Fucking dry cotton in your mouth. You've got the stupid bib on. She's like, spit out. Go ahead, spit. It's like, you're dri go ahead spit it's like this is you're dribbling you're drooling your mouth is numb basically every time

she looks at you it's like oh you have poor you have poor dental habits like you need to brush more there's no chance that this girl has ever been attracted to any person

that comes into that office that she sees that so the bigger point is like I hate to burst your bubble but this probably ain't gonna work give it a shot though I also

I'm a firm believer if some girl is the prettiest girl you've ever seen just give it a shot though i also i'm a firm believer if if some girl is the prettiest girl you've ever seen just give it up it's like yeah i mean this is the the nicest house i've ever seen you can't afford it this is my this that job is my dream job i'm gonna get your shot like she's absolutely gonna say um that's so sweet i'm sorry i have a boyfriend it's a you she's the hottest dental hygienist like she definitely just already has a boyfriend. I mean, that's also, by the way. Just like single?

No. That's, you know, why people hire. Like, if you're a dentist, you have a practice, you hire, like, a super smoke hygienist. It's like the same thing as, like, pharmaceutical sales. See, this guy keeps coming back. This guy goes to the dentist twice a year, like, because of that girl. Yeah, I haven't gone to the dentist in 10 years. You know why?

Because the last one I went to was this old woman, you know? It's like, fuck that. I think it's easy. It's an easy decision because it's a dentist i think if we ranked out like some professions that you couldn't live without or you need like then it's a different question like a real doctor like someone that matters dentist on every on every other corner i'm with you i'm just saying be prepared for that not to work it's like hey shoot your shot except the shot is like you're trying to hit a fucking jumper that's like the length of a football field like it's probably

not gonna go in i had a buddy that asked asked out the bartender at their local bar. That was where they'd go to just watch games, and then they went out for a little bit, didn't work out, and they could not go back to that bar. Not worth it. That's tough. How good is the bar, though? When it's like your local watering hole. It was the Upper East Side, and there was a bar across the street, so it really wasn't the end of the world, but they really liked that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dentists worth worth the risk just be prepared for the rejection

and you're definitely getting rejected yes and it's definitely not gonna work i'd be more concerned with just shooting the shot in general i've never like passed a girl a number a very difficult thing to do to like write it down and be like yeah i almost feel like it's easier these days to be like figure out like her Instagram or something like that. You know what I mean? Especially, I don't know,

like if there's, take a picture of your teeth or some shit, it's like, oh, can you like post that to whatever, like send it to me

so I can post it on my Instagram, just bring up Instagram and be like, what's your name by the way? Or just, like I feel like it's much easier

to figure out something like that and just be like, here's my phone number. You know her name. Yeah. Just search it on Instagram and like all her pictures. Yeah, if you were. You know her name. Just search it on Instagram and it'll like all our pictures.

If you were, especially, I guarantee a dental hygienist right now, she runs like a dental Instagram. They all do that shit. Hey, can you DM me a picture of that cavity that you took? Honestly, easier than just slipping my number on a piece of paper across the way. My mail doesn't work that well. Just DM it to me. I'll get it much faster.

All right. That's it. KMargo. Good DM it to me. I'll get it much faster. Alright. That's it. KMargo. Good appearance. Well done, bud. John, you've been welly-pipped. We got an interview now with Ron Funchess. He's got a new special coming out. Giggle fit. Funny-ass dude. Wild voice. Some funny takes. Me and John

sat down with him for a little while. That's brought to you by Omax Health. If you're dumb, Omax will make you smart. If your brain's broken, Omax will fix it. If you're hungover and it's not functioning, Omax will fix it. If you need more cognitive boost, you need a better memory. If you're just irritable in general because you're forgetful and unfocused and unmotivated, Omax Boost will fix all of those things. They will give you crystal clear thinking. This is not just like a caffeine drink or an energy shot. This is cognitive boost from the alpha and the omega, the powerhouse ingredients in Omax that makes your brain function on a higher level. You know, they say you only use

like 10% of your brain. I think Omax boost gets you like 11%. Don't quote me on that. I'm not a scientist, but you get an extra percent of brain when you use Omax Boost. Go to OmaxBoost.com slash KFC. That's O-M-A-X-B-O-O-S-T dot com slash KFC. You get 60% off your one month supply. You've got the dual action breakthrough technology of the Alpha and the Omega, and you can start being smart today. OmaxBoost.com slash KFC for 60% off. Ron Funches, talk to him.

All right. KFC Radio Special Edition. We got Ron Funches in talk to him. All right, KFC Radio Special Edition. We got Ron Funches in the building. What's up, my man? Hi. How we doing? Good. You came through Barstool probably like a year or so ago?

Yeah. Right? We did radio, so now we got you on the podcast side of things. What's going on? How you been? Been real good. Doing good. You guys seem like you're doing good, but you're doing better. We're all right.

Some people be hating. That's a sign, right? That's a sign you're doing better. We're all right. Some people be hating. That's a sign, right? That's a sign you are doing good. Yeah. If you don't have any haters, you're doing something wrong. Absolutely. The problem is when you have too many haters, then you probably are doing something wrong. Yeah.

You got to reconsider. That's the area I live in, I think. Yeah, but I mean, some people thrive off that. You get off on the hate. You probably don't have a lot of haters. You're a pretty laid back guy. You're pretty chill. I'm pretty laid back, but people thrive off that. You get off on the hate. You probably don't have a lot of haters. You're a pretty laid back guy. I'm pretty laid back, but sometimes people be hating. Everybody's got haters.

So sometimes people just don't like what I'm about. And I used to love to get up in them on Twitter and stuff. But that was something I could do more when there weren't as many people watching or corporations on my Twitter. Champagne problems. It's not a corporation money. No, but it's true. Like,

I mean, when we, we, when we were like a small time blog, you could let it fly. You could talk shit. You could judge, you could pick out celebrities and say,

fuck this, fuck you. And now it's like, well, they're going to see that. So you can still say it, but just be prepared because they're going to see it and they're going to react. I was always nervous that people were gonna see where you see

maybe you're smarter than i am back in the day i was like nobody cares nobody's reading this thing yeah that's how i always felt about i i still to this day will feel like that and then i get phone calls being like hey no you can't write that yeah you can't do that right now unless you just want these problems. And, I mean, sometimes I don't care because sometimes I'm just like, fuck it. I'm a human being, and if you talk to me a certain way, I feel like I should be able to respond a certain way. Yeah, that's the thing. If you go looking for it or you throw the first punch or whatever,

it's gratuitous, fine. But if you're responding in kind. Yeah, but what a lot of times is people only see that second, third, fourth response, and then they'll take that and run with it. And then they're like, you know who I'm anti-Semitic. Trust me, I know how that goes. I'm always making jokes like Christians versus Jews, Hanukkah versus Christmas. And then there's one or two out of context.

I'm like, well, yeah, I guess I deserve that one. All right, so let's get into these voicemails. We've got some calls. They're usually stupid. Okay. They're usually pretty off-color and controversial, so let's get it. Hey, KFC, Fights, BC. Question for you guys.

So I suffer super bad insomnia, and shout-out to Fights. Just spent a fuckton on getting one of those weighted blankets so if you want to come over it's neville gray showman country strong star is born all the best oh that's an offer yeah but my question to you is would you guys rather have insomnia so sleep dealing with like sleep paralysis can't fall asleep just a pain in the ass um or would you rather be narcoleptic? So you just fall asleep whenever, I mean, you can sleep at night, but

you could be fucking someone and fall asleep or drive, fall asleep. See, that's the problem. Which one would you rather have? Insomnia is a bitch. Sleep paralysis sounds absolutely terrifying. I used to think that was not even real until everybody, all the listeners proved to me, told me it's a real thing. I have a friend who has sleep paralysis

and she's like, if I'm nudging you. Like, no. And I'm like, well, I'm gonna be, I sleep like a goddamn motherfucking I'm not gonna wake up from a nudge, so. If you have sleep paralysis, that's a you issue. And I wish I could help you out, but I'm not going to be able to. Yeah, no, that's on you, babe. I'm not very familiar

with it. Explain it more to me. Sleep paralysis? Oh, man. So you wake up in the middle of the night it's like it basically it basically feels like you're being haunted right so you wake up in the middle of the night and you're conscious but you can't move it's actually a very common thing you can't move and it feels like there's a pressure on your chest and it feels like there's a presence in the room but your body is paralyzed terrifying thing i've ever heard a lot of like horror movies use it as like that's actually what's happening when you have sleep paralysis. It's like a ghost or whatever.

But I guess it's your brain just wakes up. When your body goes to sleep, it's got to start going again, and your brain gets going first. And so you're awake, but you just can't move. So you're stuck. It's terrifying. Yeah, it is terrifying. Well, the flip side, narcolepsy, like if you're driving and you fall asleep, you're dead. If you're having sex, you fall asleep on someone, and that's over.

But narcolepsy can be medicated. I don't think sleep paralysis, I don't think there's anything you can do. It just happens. Yeah, all right. We're also conflating paralysis with insomnia. Insomnia, you just can't fall asleep at night. But she definitely said sleep paralysis. Yeah, well, she just kind of threw those two together.

That's a big fucking toss in the ring there. If we're doing just insomnia versus narcolepsy. Oh, insomnia. You got to take it. You can't just be like, if I was just doing this interview, I'd give more hours. I was going to say, insomnia, I'm borderline insomniac at the moment. By choice?

Yeah, I go to bed about 3 o'clock in the morning, give or take. That's borderline insomniac. What are you doing all the time, man? Midnight to 3 a.m. is the only time you get to just you. I love that time. Me too. It's my favorite time of the day. That's what you lose when you have kids, man, because I'm like, I have to sleep now because they're going to wake up soon.

So I'm like, fuck. I want to just stay up and do nothing, do dumb shit for three hours, but I have to force myself. Lights out. Yeah, exactly, man. If she's down if he's down I'm down narcolepsy can be fun though where it's just like

like what was it someone said that they were they were narcoleptic but they just always said they were always taking naps wasn't it

someone we interviewed recently was like they were like yeah I grew up I was narcoleptic growing up but I just told people I always had to nap it was something

along those lines I forget exactly what it was I know what you're talking about if I just had an excuse to take a nap whenever I wanted

road trips I can't drive I'm narcoleptic I love that never get a DUI can't drive home I'm narcoleptic that's a good

built in excuse do you remember Rusty the narcoleptic dog that was one of the all time original viral videos. It was this little duck. He was running and he would just pass out.

That shit was cute. And he had the scapegoats too. Yeah, the goats that would just go frozen. Yeah, they're called scapegoats. Is it? No. Yes. Really? Yeah, that's what they are. That's why when someone is the scapegoat, the scapegoat is the sacrificed goat. So when a

wolf comes, all your other goats run away, that's the one that falls. That's your scapegoat, the scapegoat is like the sacrificed goat. So when a wolf comes, all your other goats run away. That's the one that falls. That's your scapegoat. I like that. Next up. Wow, you're smart. I don't know what happened. He got into some books or something before this episode.

He's dumb. Don't worry. Guys, I got a question for you. So I have a date this weekend with a guy that I've been seeing for a little bit. We haven't hooked up or anything because I am a virgin and I don't know if I should tell him or not. So should I tell him or should I just kind of go with it? I don't really care either way.

Just wanted to hear your thoughts. Thanks. I think I'd be weirded out at a certain age if you told me you were a virgin. So I would probably not want to know that. If you're going to have sex with me, I would rather you just do it. I disagree. You would want to know? I would want to know.

And I have known. I've known a couple later in life virgins who are, I guess, just one who I took her virginity and it was exciting and it made me happy. I guess it was later in life. You didn't feel, like, pressure because of it? Yeah, I would be like, I got to make sure. Well, I knew from the get-go that we weren't staying together. So it was more like, are you sure? Which was also the weirdest, because she told me that on, like, our third date,

so I assumed we just had to keep dating, but then we had sex on our fourth date. You're not too good at this whole virginity thing. And then she had just decided that even if it was a mistake, that I was okay to make that mistake. You were the perfect mistake. That's a pretty big accolade. Yeah, if you can be someone's mistake, you are my perfect mistake. You've been holding off for what? How old was she?

She was about 28. You've been holding off for what? How old is she? She was about what? She was 28, 20. You've been holding off for almost three decades. And I'm the one that you're like, OK, I'll give it a shot. That's a pretty good testament to you. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. You may have convinced me. It's not it.

See, I thought I would maybe be a little like the pressure or kind of like, well, how was she? No, no. True. True. True. You're the best and the worst all in the same shot. No, but I don't even pressure my performance. I'm in pressure with afterwards. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like you gave me your flower or whatever they say, right? And I would never break up with her. I'd probably make you dump me. It was almost the opposite. The only thing I would say to her is that maybe she shouldn't tell him if she wants to stay together super long term. But if she doesn't care about that for sure, then tell him because that would be fun and exciting for him. And then he'll probably want to leave because you don't want that pressure of being like, oh, I'm the only person that you've ever been with or whatever. But even like that girl, she's like, yeah, I learned a lot. And then I went and did other stuff. And I'm the only person that you ever been or whatever but even like that girl she's like

yeah I learned a lot and then I went and did other stuff and I'm happy you learned you taught her a lot you taught her something see I

I ain't teaching shit I'm a cautionary tale that's the lesson you get over here KFC fights BC what's going on

so I was thinking tonight this is so weird but i really like to like assign colors to people's personalities so for example if you're beige you fucking suck no one likes beige so tonight i was thinking if you could only see everything in one shade of a color for the rest of your life, what would that be? Me personally, I think I would pick different shades of green. Like green is like very relaxing, very calming. I mean, if you were to say like blue or red, those are scary colors. Think about all the different shades. Super high.

Think about it. Viva. So everything's in one. Super high. Think about it. Viva. So everything's in one shade? Yep, like a lens, like a lens over the camera. I would go Ozark with it. You know how you hate that blue tint? I like blue. I would like everything to be in a shade of blue.

I mean, I do like it. If a gun was forced to my head and I had to choose one of these, I'm probably a blue too. I just don't much care for it in my television programming. That's fine. I would choose purple because I love that color. But also I would be strongly tempted to choose red just so I could feel like I was the Terminator. Red would definitely, I guess like anything, once you get used to it, it kind of doesn't affect you as much.

But if I just saw red at all times, I would definitely be on high alert. That's what it feels like. An alarm is going on. Red would have a serious effect on my psyche, my general psyche. Blue, I think, is green. Blue, it's the sky. It's water. It's fine.

I also like that this is not that grave a question, but her voice was so sultry that we really took it seriously. It's like we're on a date. I guess we'll talk about this. You're hot. Oh, really? I never thought about that. That is exactly what just happened. I'm putting real thought into it.

Just because her fucking voice made my nipples a little hard. If that was a guy, I would have been like, don't even put this in the show. Girls are crazy, man, that like I assign colors to you. Like that. My mom and my sister do weird shit like that. They like see shapes and colors when they look at you. I'm like, you guys are fucking nuts, man. Really?

You're fat ass. I just see what I see, man. My sister, she said she has a month swirl. When she thinks of the months of the year, it goes like January, February, March, and it swirls in her mind. Why? Because she's a crazy female. She sees the colors

of the wind. There you go. Why doesn't she just think of a fucking calendar? I don't know, man. I'm nuts, dude. Totally nuts. We'll do one more hey what's up guys so last weekend I was coming back

to school from home from Thanksgiving and flight was at 630 in the morning first off no one wants to be there everyone's still a little hungover if not full-blown and I come to get my flight one of the last people on and this lady's in my seat she asked me to move back a couple rows so she could sit with her boyfriend no big deal whatever end up sitting next to this guy didn't think anything of it finally get in the air and

he's just blaring music out of his headphones like everyone around us can hear him but his eyes are closed and it was just unbelievably loud like rock music so then they start looking at me yada yada man i feel like you're probably traveling a lot dude you're on planes a lot yeah always you i mean i feel like when you're out you got to deal with these fucking things right my question is where the fuck were your headphones? Right, exactly. Put on your own fucking music, man. If he was playing it out of his phone, that's one thing. Yeah, you'd be playing it out loud.

But if you're making the effort for headphones, then you're good. They can be played as loud as they want. They can be fucking echoing to other people. And he didn't know, did you tap them on the shoulder? Or at least, if you got that big of an issue, because sometimes I wear my big beat headphones and I

think they're like noise canceling and people can't hear out but you can and so then like no yeah and my girlfriend be like hey whatever you're listening to is too loud right now turn it down a bit I'm like oh thank you how bad of a situation I would never say that no you would never confront anybody I would never confront anyone he would do what this guy does and just sit there and call

a radio show about it later I'd be miserable I'd just sit there I mean that is show about it later. I'd be miserable. I'd just sit there. I mean, that is. I mean, overall, it just sounds like you a real bitch. You move seats. Accurate. Accurate. You move seats.

Yeah, that's, I mean, would you move seats, first of all? For a family. If it is a child and a parent, yes. If it is a couple, you will see each other when you fucking get there. If your relationship is that shaky that you need to sit next to each other the whole time, then you just ain't going to make it. Sorry. I'm going to talk to her.

Now, say you did move and you sit next to someone. What sort of situation would have to be shitty enough for you to go back and be like, nah, nah, we're switching back? Like loud music? It's male. It's male. For sure. Loud music's fine because I'm going to have my headphones on.

Yeah. I'm going to be asleep. Crying baby? Crying baby. I'm like the opposite on that also because I am a father. Baby's going to cry on a plane. To me, that's what they do. Pre-fatherhood, would you have?

I would have been pissed off. Yeah, right? Me too. So there's a lot of things that change like crying babies I'm just like I don't fucking care

deal with it cause like this is just how it goes that's just life and breastfeeding in public I used to be like this is ridiculous you know

and now I'm like the kid needs to I mean we actually I've never done that but whatever that kid needs to fucking eat

he's gonna eat yeah my whole thing is like oh you as an adult person all of a sudden thinks that you've reached a point in your life but whatever. That kid needs to fucking eat. He's going to eat. Yeah, my whole thing is like, oh, you as an adult person all of a sudden thinks that you've reached a point in your life where you're just not allowed

to be annoyed anymore? Fuck you. Like, I'm sorry that there's just noise going into your precious fucking ears that you can't handle but this little baby

can't handle it. And it's always people who never have to even really deal with anything. I was at a fucking gym in Canada and I was just working out hard, so I'm pumping out, I'm making some noises. And this lady comes over to me, and she's like, would you mind not making so much noise while you work out? And I just look at her, and I go, no, I can't.

I'm fucking pumping iron. And she looked at me like no one had ever told her no in her life probably the case man probably from her looks yes how old's your daughter uh my son son he's uh he's 15 he'll be 16 in april oh all right so you're a veteran of the game yeah okay all right i'm gonna think about it yeah so now all my friends have two three-year-olds and i'm like i got a grown man yeah for real man that's good because that's you can start doing shit for you at that age, right? Yeah. Oh, it's the dopest.

I come home from the road. He grabs my luggage and takes it upstairs like he's my personal bellhop. Yeah, I feel like at what age does that switch flip? From like you're a pain in the ass that I have to do everything for you to you can now do some shit for me. 14. 14. 14. All right. And I got like 11 more to go with Shay.

So all right. But then you get that whole feeling because it used to be like even some things where you love. Because we're playing video games, but it would get annoying because my son would never want to play video games unless I was in a room with him. And I'm playing with him and he didn't know how to play that well. Then it goes to him playing really well and I'm struggling to keep up a bit. To him now being like, no, I don't even want you to play with me because you're going to weigh me down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it hurts my feelings.

But I'm your dad, man. Come on. I bought this. Wait, the kid or the system? Both. All right, dude, we appreciate you coming through so uh the new special is giggle fit giggle fit january 4th comedy central 11 p.m eastern and pacific please watch it or dvr it watch it within three days because it is not streaming it is not on netflix if you miss it

you miss it and i'm just gonna get back to work on other stuff and keep this money so please check it out it's got rick flair in it it's the best work i've ever done and then i just have my podcast getting better which i'm loving doing if you want to check that out i appreciate it thank you dude much appreciated thank you