KFC Radio - Krystyna Hutchinson, Jo Koy, Howard Stern Blackface, and Home Run Hitters

Episode Date: June 16, 2020

Subscribe, Rate, and leave a review! Take pictures of your friends. Was "Long Gone Summer" the worst 30 for 30 yet? KFC watched the worst movie he's ever seen in his life, 365 days. Donald Trump is being called out for nearly falling down stairs. Donald Trump Jr has called out Howard Stern for an old video where he appeared in blackface and used the n-word. Who are your top 5 home run hitters? Voicemails include a brother in law on grindr, too many compliments, girlfriend wearing ex's panties, and tv tattoo. Krystyna Hutchinson (Guys We F*cked, The Voices in Our Heads) returns to the show with stories about taking mushrooms, a devil's threesome with a porn star and a non porn star, and much more. Check out her new documentary Funny Pains, available to stream now here: https://funnypains.com Jo Koy returns to the show! We talk about the struggles in quarantine, his new comedy special where he got to travel to the Philippines, showcase his heritage as well as his comedy, and much more. Check out his new special Jo Koy: In His Elements, available to stream on Netflix now (Best described as Anthony Bourdain meets stand up comedy). Let us know what you think on twitter. @kfcradio @kfcbarstool @feitsbarstool @JoKoy @KrystynaHutch Subscribe to our Youtube for Daily Clips: https://www.youtube.com/user/KFCradioYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. You had a threesome with a male porn star? So two dudes, yeah, one was a porn star. We won't come down. And the sun can't stop us now. What's it going to take it over you? It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. We're back at it. Last night was long gone summer, which I think I'm confident is the worst sports documentary I've ever seen in my life.

Worst ever? Yep. Dude, that's... I think it's definitely the worst 30 for 30. The worst out of well-done, well-known productions that get hyped up. I really think it was the worst. I didn't watch it, but I

believe on this very show i predicted it's going to be terrible because i said they're not going to talk about steroids and that appears to be what happened i wasn't i remember that summer so vividly but i wasn't that excited for it because i just knew i knew this is what was going to happen i was positive they at the very end like the last like 15 minutes they bring it up they showed They showed the footage of McGuire and Sosa in front of Congress, which, by the way, why the fuck was Congress involved in that? Dude, I think I saw you tweet that last night. I have. I never thought about it until last night.

Yeah. When I saw it, I was like, wait a minute. What? Like that must have been like I can't remember, like, like you know globally what was going on but 1998 must have been a cakewalk if congress was like i don't know we got nothing else to do let's talk to these baseball players now like if a bit if an athlete like had to go to their agent and be like all right get me get me lawyers and get me prepared to testify before the government. That's that shit, though. That's fucking like, that's

politics in a nutshell. Because like, politicians brought that up and made it a not international, but a national issue. Because then, like, back home they can be like, they can be well-liked. How about the Patriots? Spygate

was, I forget his name, but that fucking guy from Pennsylvania, Spector, was it? I forget what his name was. But he made a huge deal because guess what? When they beat the Eagles, that's when people want to be like, yeah, fuck them, let's take them down. So you become

a fan favorite at home if you're like, yeah, this is a fucking issue for the government. That's stupid shit in the world. Didn't Sammy Sosa need a fucking translator? That was a great move. He was like, I don't speak English. I love that move. It's my favorite thing in the world

where there's controversy and guys who definitely speak English are like, nah, nah, nah, I can't talk anymore. Shout out to all those guys who just got up there and fucking perjured themselves alive. I mean, not a one committed, confessed. It was crazy.

I mean, Rafael Palmaro, is he in the 600 home run club? Yeah, yeah. 600 home runs, and he's remembered only for that. I know. I think he'll be the first guy to hit 600 and not get into Hall of Fame because of that. I mean, he also was kind of a weird – is he the 600? Maybe he's not. Maybe he's up there.

I don't know if he's 600. I think he's 600. He's definitely in the 500. Let me just Google it real quick. But that finger wag, 569. So he never made it all the way over the hump. But still, that's a fucking monster number. And, you know, the documentary last night was just two hours of SportsCenter highlights of them hitting home runs.

Like, there was one point where they're like, McGuire hit two that day and Sammy fell behind the lead, but then Sammy hit three the next day and they were tied. And it was just like, okay, yeah. I mean, we know that they hit a bunch of home runs. They barely touched upon McGuire's stress level, which is something you always hear with the home run chases. Roger Maris and these guys like losing hair and being vilified and the pressure barely touched upon that. And no mention of steroids. I mean, you, there's a lot of things they didn't

really do. I didn't think they revealed anything new. They didn't, there wasn't one story that was like, Oh, that was cool. I didn't know that. And it's like a cool connection or interaction, but all that aside, you just cannot do that documentary without talking steroids, without it being like the main part. You know, like you can you can do some of the fun shit, but you have to every other couple of minutes be bouncing back to like the juice. And I would I mean, if those guys were ever honest, if you could have a guy be like talking about his body and how it was hard and like. What is the reason to not be honest? It's not like an unknown thing. Well, I would imagine this is if you want Maguire and Sosa involved,

then it's got to be a fluff piece. No, I know, but I'm saying for them, like why not be honest? What's the point? They're accepted. It's not even like, oh, I kind you know, I kind of want, you know, I don't want to bring it up again because fans will talk about it. Fans talk about it nonstop and fans are like fucking do it. Right. Yeah.

If there's anybody from that era that gets the pass, it's those guys. Like when people talk about McGuire, uh, bonds and, and Clemens, it's more like, cause they were assholes. Those guys don't like people, you know, but McGuire and Sosa is like, yeah, bring steroids back. They saved baseball baseball it was such a great summer so if there's anybody who should be like if you think about it in the grand scheme of of steroid abusers or users or whatever the only person who does even get talked about is the person who said i did it like andy pett is the only one who it's like not really a deal at all. That's not a coincidence, man. It was because people were just like, okay.

We get it. I think that's pride and ego and all that shit. Look at Ken Caminiti. I said, fuck all those guys. If they did a documentary on Ken Caminiti, he is low-key the most compelling, underratedrated and tragic story from from the steroid era like i mean obviously ended up dead but he was the one who like spoke out uh and like brought steroids to the forefront and he did what was the number he gave what was the number he gave like he gave some percentage 50 it was 50 i thought it was even higher than

that yeah so did i i thought that like when he said 50 i was like uh it's definitely 50 probably higher but even that got people like no way it can't be and that really galvanized the non-users to be like well this is fucking unfair and it was funny when you look at everybody's reactions i read the article from sci like you know it's 20 years ago whatever I was reading it literally in the middle of the documentary. It was so boring. I found myself just reading up on other steroid era players. Cause I was like, this is so fucking bad. But, uh, like Mike Piazza, Barry Bonds, uh, a couple of the guys move on.

A couple other guys who were like legit steroid users all had the same quote of like, it doesn't help you hit the baseball. You know, Piazza was like, if you're going to do this, you might as well test in bowling and darts because that's a game of like precision. And so is baseball. It's like they all had the exact same company line and they're all the guys who were at the top of the fucking list. So, you know, it was just, I could get down with like a E60 short where you just show monster home runs.

But like two hours of it, I was like, I mean, yeah, I know. I know they hit a bunch. It was it was crazy. So and everybody's like, well, the last dance spoiled us. Get the fuck out of here. First of all, the last dance had its own issues with this where it was like, are they really even telling the story? Second of all, The Last Dance is not the only good sports documentary ever. There's plenty of good ones and there's plenty of bad ones. And the long gone summer fell into the bad category and it had nothing to do with me. Like I was not sitting there comparing it to The Last Dance. I was not thinking about Michael Jordan. It's just not a good fucking movie. I think you were the first person to say last night on Twitter.

It's not good, but like, I was like nervous to say it. And I was like, I gotta do it now. I, you know, this is just obviously bad by the time,

probably like 10 minutes after that, it was universally hated. It was like, you were kind of the one that, you know, again, according to my timeline, you were the one to first be like,

it's not good. And then it was just, it rolled in after that. Everyone's like, yeah, I mean, if I can be a trailblazer of hate, if I can't do that, then what can I do, John? You know what I mean? I'm not good at that, but I was sitting there and I really, for the most part,

I just always let my opinions fly and everybody knows they tend to be, you know, I tend to be a very harsh critic, but for things like that, where I'm just like, what do I care? I don't need to sit here and say, this is bad and rally fucking Cardinals fans against me. And then just have like a shitty timeline. You know, I was like,

I don't need to do that kind of stuff. And it was like, I bit my tongue for like another 20 minutes and I was like, all right, this I can't, this is just not that fucking good. And I did get the Cardinals fans being like, fuck you. You cheated on your wife. I was like, Jesus Christ, calm down. But I do feel very bad for the Cubs fans who like, they thought they were getting a Sammy Sosa documentary. He was in it.

I don't know, seven minutes. It was crazy. It was a Mark McGuire documentary. I know, Nick, you're a fucking, you're a Cubs fan, right? How disappointed were you on that one? I think that guy honestly made a Mark McGuire, like, didn't need steroids documentary, and ESPN was like,

well, we can only sell that in St. Louis. Let's say it's about the chase, and we'll go, we'll get Sammy for 10 minutes. The fucking groundskeeper was in it more than Sammy. And then they finally reveal, like, oh, he got the ball. Who gives a shit he got the ball? Like, fucking show Sammy, show the chase. oh, he got the ball. Who gives a shit he got the ball?

Fucking show Sammy. Show the chase. I grew up south side of Chicago as a Cubs fan. I love fucking watching Sammy do that. Let it out, Nick. Let it all out, babe. I couldn't believe it. With that groundskeeper, I saw that he was going to give the ball to McGuire

if McGuire agreed to meet him and McGuire wouldn't. I think he ended up giving it to him. No, he sold it for $3 million. Right. Yeah, because it started out with the guy who bought it for $3 million, which was another thing I wanted to talk about. If I had unlimited money, if I had Bezos money, I don't think I would buy memorabilia. I think it's the stupidest and and making up for three million you know yeah i i don't know it's funny it's

the like we like obviously i did the the cribs edition of our garage our garage is a lot lots of sports memorabilia in it nothing like exceptionally rare but isn't it just like picture you have like like you have like uh you know game use this and that or is it just like there's a few things not but like not like uh i don't even know about game one there's an autographed bird jersey there's a uh uh celtics ball autographed by the 07 team this is one of rondo's headbands but that he literally just threw my sister caught um that wasn't that's kind of if i had something like that i'd put it up like i if i if i could find like a you know what i would love uh like a doc gooden used crack pipe now we're talking like give me something that's a little

off the beaten path give me something that's a little bit different but it's a it's there you know i i go back and forth with that because it is like you're kind of weird but then like it's a great story like it's a great story. If you're at that game or whatever and you're just kind of hanging in the garage and it's just like a conversation piece, 3 million is insane. Well, I think if you caught it, it's an awesome piece of memorabilia. But when you buy it, I don't know.

It's just like then that story kind of loses its luster. Say you caught a record record breaking home run ball. Let's say, let's say you're, he's on the road. So you're, you're, you know, you're not even a fan. What would you do? I sell that shit. Would you, would you like talk to them at all first and be like, what's your offer? Like if you, I'm such a fucking, I was going to say, you say that, but I bet you, I bet you'd give it back for free. If they ask politely. Yeah,

it can happen. Right. You know what? Honestly, this nowadays, not for something like $3 million. If you have like the fucking market wire home run ball, that's too valuable. But anything else, you'll probably get a little more legs out of just being polite and giving it back and getting like going viral or like whatever, you know what I mean? Like you have more of an opportunity for that than if you just sold it for

like five grand, you know? Yeah. Oh yeah. Five grand. I'll take a hundred. But if it's big money, if it's big money and I saw Rico was tweeting about this.

Like if I had Derek Jeter's 3000th home run, 3000 hit home run ball, I mean, I would hold that hostage forever. You'd never give it up. I would be like the, I would be like the base, like the owners in this labor agreement.

I would keep coming back to the table with new negotiations. That's just like the same exact thing just said in a different way. And then I think I would put it, here's's what i would do i would probably eventually like agree to something and i'd be like okay cool like meet me at you know maybe at the stadium and i'll bring it and i would show up and i would have that ball in a gift basket with all the things that he used to give to his hose and i would put it out there in front of the stadium with a stick of goddamn dynamite. I would blow it up in front of everybody. Fuck you, Derek Jeter.

That would be priceless. There's no amount of money. Why do you hate Jeter so much? Just because of Yankee success? I don't. Yes. I mean, yes, primarily. But I really don't think Derek Jeter is like, as a baseball player and a teammate, is like that good of a guy.

I think he was a very selfish dude. I think he hung A-Rod out to dry. I think he's like that good of a guy. I think he was a very selfish dude. I think he hung A-Rod out to dry. I think he's like a prototypical, he knows what to say and how to say it. And the media eats it up. But how none of the fans see through it as like this dude is out for himself and he's cocky and arrogant, which is fine, by the way. Plenty of athletes can be like that. But relax with this like dog and pony show that he's the greatest teammate ever.

He was just a superstar athlete who knew how to play the game right. You never hear stories of him being that leader behind closed doors. It was all him and Posada and those guys had their click. A-Rod had issues and he never threw him a lifeline. All that shit adds up to me. I'm like, this guy, stop putting them on a pedestal. That's a pretty sound argument. I'll accept all that. Yeah. I've been, I've been working on that one for 25 years.

The, I always like there was, there was, I don't know if it was, it was basically Peyton and Jeter around the same time. I don't know exactly the same time, but that was like, those are guys like I hated my whole life. And then something just clicked where I was like, ah, whatever. Yeah. I don't know exactly the same time. But those were guys I hated my whole life. And then something just clicked where I was like, ah, whatever. I don't know what it was. I think it was Peyton's retirement, not

retirement press conference, but his leaving the Colts press conference. I was like, this is a good dude. I can't hate him. And then I think Jeter came shortly thereafter. I was like, look, he's a legend. What do you want me to do? Most of the guys I hate on the Yankees are because they're on the Yankees.

But then there's a few that like Jabba Chamberlain always sticks out. I just fucking hated that guy and I don't know why. I ended up liking Jabba because I hated him so much. It's like the Costanza when he's like, you hate me so much it's irresistible.

My hatred for him, I was like, this might just be love, man. Like I don't even know. Fine line brother, a fine line between love and hate. Oh, by the way, I watched the worst movie I think I've ever seen in my life last night. Worst movie I've ever seen in my life is brought to you by Miller Lite. Not even a million Miller Lites could have saved me from this one. Anytime, you know, anytime you got to go somewhere, like you got to go to like your in-laws, you got to go to a work event, something you don't want to do. Got to make sure you have your Miller Lite on deck. It's the only thing that

can get you through these tough times. And it's always fresh. It's always cold. It's always enjoyable. Great taste, less less filling only 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces for every bottle that's brewed in milwaukee wisconsin and uh it usually can make even the worst times enjoyable right that's the best part of beer it makes it makes fun times great it makes shitty times fun and it always uh escalates the level to you know you're telling stories you're having laughs you're enjoying yourself with Miller Lite. This movie could not have even been saved by Miller Lite. Wait, before you get real quick, I meant to say it earlier,

and I just forgot to. When we were talking steroid era, the tweet went kind of viral last night from Connor Ryan. He's a Boston Bruins writer. Pedro Martinez going 101 and 26 with a 2.2 ERA from 98-03 is insane. Absolutely insane. I laughed out loud when I saw that tweet last night. I'm sorry.

Usually, a guy like Clemens, you can say, well, he was on it too. It was an even playing field. But when you look at Pedro, who's like 5'4", and you know he's just all fingers and arms and that's why he pitched I mean you imagine him in a different era like I mean usually it's the opposite you know well and we'll talk about it we're gonna do our top five uh today it's top five home run hitters you take guys from old eras and usually it's like oh they they wouldn't thrive in the new era. You know, they're old. If you put Pedro in, like, today's game or right before Juice Falls, I mean, he's throwing fucking complete game no-nos, like,

four or five times a year. He's putting up 30 wins a year. He's the GOAT. I mean, Pedro is one of those ones where it's like you just remember going to games. Like, you remember, like, it's like Dominican Day, like, every day day they're just like in boston where you know we have our histories here right just like dominican flags everywhere hey i was like it was a holiday every time pedro martinez pitched it was insane who would you rather pick you get one guy right now randy johnson or pedro pedro but that's

like that's i don't even know the stats i mean mean, I know Randy Johnson's are crazy, but like Pedro was Pedro. Pedro or Maddox. Pedro across the board. Pedro through and through. Yeah, you could give me anyone as Pedro. I probably would pick him out of – I'm so happy he did a run with the Mets because like I love – he was probably – him and Manny were probably like two of my favorite players like ever, period,

probably because I was rooting against the Yankees. But even as a Red Sox, I like yeah these are my dudes and then when they got to root for him on the Mets even just for a little bit on like the tail end it made it awesome I would probably pick him over like anybody for out of like fanhood and love but I mean some of those numbers from like Randy Johnson and Maddox and those guys was fucking insane Maddox Maddox has one where I forget fuck I forget what it was it went viral recently but it's like Maddox has one where I forget, fuck, I forget what it was. It went viral recently. But it's like, Maddox had like, I think he has more

wins than walks or something like that. If you take out his intention of walks, he has more wins than walks, I think. Yep, he's definitely one of those guys. So is Randy Johnson with his strikeout totals. Although, shout out to Paul LaDuca. He batted like 365 against Randy Johnson for his career. He's the big unit slayer.

Anyway, back to this movie. Whether you're watching baseball or watching the movies, make sure you have your Miller Lights. I watched 365 Days last night. Have you heard about this movie? No. I actually can't say that it's my least favorite movie ever, like the worst movie ever because there's a ton of fucking in it and hey that makes it better so the it's basically like a uh it's like 50 shades of gray but like souped up a little bit okay it's a Netflix movie yes Netflix movie which I am on board by the way Netflix movies I tip my cap they're never gonna like

win awards but that fucking algorithm that just knows, here's how to make a movie that like is going to be dumb, you know, entertainment that people are just going to love or not love, but just watch. I'll trust them. I know what I'm getting into, but I trust it. But I read up on this, this movie and it says the one article I read was all these tweets from people saying I accidentally watched 365 days with my parents and like, Oh my God, what have I done? And then I read one that was like, uh, there's a scene involving oral sex on an airplane. Two times where spit is used as lubricant, like a, this scene of that scene and a man frontal from male and female. I'm like, all right, fuck it. I'll watch. Nope. Yeah. You got me. It's so the plot is so comically bad this dude kidnaps a girl and holds her hostage and says in 365 days i'm gonna

make you fall in love with me it's like some beauty and the beast like porn type shit but like she flat out is and they brush over these things. She's on vacation with her husband, who she doesn't like. Then 30 seconds later, she's kidnapped and in a mansion. They don't even show how it happened, why it happened. She's just going along with it. She goes from

imprisoned against her will assault victim to doing a pretty woman shopping montage in maybe four minutes it is so so bad and uh but they do some serious fucking in this movie and i know uh we were just talking with kevin bacon interview will be out next week we're talking about how hollywood is talking about how to handle sex scenes in post-corona, saying that it's either got to be done away altogether, or they're going to do green screen or CGI.

So sex scenes are going to be a precarious thing for the future. Well, 365 got it in right beforehand. I don't know how you can be an actor, a non-porn actor, and do these sex scenes. It's crazy. See? They're like, he's got a flight attendant's head, and he's like just ramming it into his dick. And they do this thing where, like, you just see her head and her mouth bobbing. But on, like, the last scene, you see that she's actually sucking something.

Like, there's like a prosthetic dick there that's going in or like you can see like a a flesh-colored shaft of some sort that she's actually sucking i was like you might as well just suck his dick at this point she's got dude john when the scene's over mascara running down the face she's wiping her mouth and her eyes from the tears i mean it was like some real life. And then the sex scenes with the other girl is like from behind, on top of her choking or hitting her like crazy shit. See, you said like

it makes a movie better. That movie you're describing does not appeal to me at all. Too much? You little bitch? It's just like if I'm going to go, I'll go all the way. I don't, you know, i don't you know i don't like a movie based on like i've never seen any of the 50 shades of gray just that doesn't appeal to me i'm like really if i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do it right i don't i don't need to see

because again they're usually bad movies it's like any like like a bad horror movie goes like full slasher to cover up the fact that it's really not that good a movie yeah whether it's gratuitous violence gratuitous sex gratuitous whatever that's because the rest of the movie sucks yeah so like if i'm gonna watch a movie with sex and a bad plot i'll just watch pornography right no i feel that the only thing i would say is uh i think if you i think it's a good movie to watch with a chick like if you're hooking up or like newly dating or whatever, and you're not just in like full blown, like deviant mode,

like, yeah, we're just going to fuck like animals. You're trying to like ease into that. I think it would be a good movie. Like, Oh, let's watch this.

It's like a sexy thing. And then all of a sudden, you know, you're having conversations about spitting on it and shit like that. But like, I can't imagine being a regular actor. He looks down and he just drips a fucking

spit on her. That sounds gross. I want to see that. It's great, John. It's great. The chicken is very sexy. I don't know. What did that article I see on it?

It glorifies Stockholm Syndrome, I think. Yeah. It's problematic sexy. I don't know. What did that article I see on it? It was like it glorifies like Stockholm Syndrome, I think. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's, I mean, it's problematic as fuck. If you wanted to really get into it, like this is a bad movie with a bad message. But, you know, it's like, it literally is like Beauty and the Beast. Like they've been doing this shit for a long time. But it's weird when he's blatantly like, she's like, get me out of here. Like, you're holding me against my will.

And he's like, you are going to love me in 365 days. No, you're raping me. You're fucking raping me right now. That's right on the cross. Dude, how do you like, man, shout out to like, pitch people. Because like, how do you pitch that? How do you pitch that with a straight face? I'm legit surprised that it passed like in this era because it really was i mean you could say like it's it's sexy and sex sells but if i was like a netflix exec i'd be like yeah but it's

not worth the backlash of like condoning rape yeah you know whatever the takes are going to be i'm just picturing like the the the meeting meeting at Netflix headquarters and they're like, alright, so you know how incels and nice guys are the big thing on the internet right now? We're going to really make that look good. We're going to kidnap a woman.

They're not going to let her go. They're going to rape her incessantly. It sounds like the plot that Danny DeVito wouldn't do. Yes. Well, you know what they do? The one thing they do very early on, her incessantly and like it sounds like the plot that Danny DeVito wouldn't do yes yes well you know what they do the one thing they do very early on he he's like grab her by the fucking throat and like throws her against the wall and he's like I will never do anything you don't want me to do like I will never touch you without permission I'm like well you literally just like threw her up against the wall by her neck but I guess he means like touch your vagina like that was all

consensual she's like the one who says like when he can and can't so i guess that would be you know what he does in one scene man i'm thinking through this he has one of those like 50 shades beds with the fucking chains and shackles and shit and he ties her up and he's like i'm going to show you what you're missing and he brings in another chick and she blows him in front of the girl and i was thinking that's what i'm missing sucking your dick that's not that good like i'm happy she took care of that for me i don't have to blow you now dude but man yeah there's there's a lot of weird weird weird scenes in there i can't imagine having one of those bends it's just such a hassle yeah let's just have like a full the full frame it's not even like on the post it goes up and there's a square on top it's like it's just such a hassle yeah let's just have like a full the full frame it's not even like

on the post it goes up and there's a square on top it's like it's like a full-blown contraption like i like it's such a small part of your life yeah yeah you're like i don't need a whole room dedicated to this like also i feel like unless you just have an endless parade of like new chicks, you can't keep tying up like your girlfriend, right? Like every time you have sex, I'm going to strap you in. It's like, dude, this is our seventh time having sex this week. We don't have to do this again. Like, come on.

Like at this point, like we get shot clocks. Like, all right, we got to eat. Like imagine like setting up for that to me is almost like like people who get ready for bed whereas i'm just gonna go to bed i'm not gonna get ready for like i'm not gonna get ready i'm just gonna have sex that's gonna be yeah we don't we don't need to do that you don't need to dress up like it's fun every now and then but to have like a whole you know like you said room or bed and then the pressure of having that room like every time you have guests over, you gotta be like,

I really hope they don't ask about this room. That's just a conversation I don't really want to have. Do you remember that a video went viral like a few months ago where these kids were swinging from their parents' bed? And it was like, that's your parents' sex swing. And they really didn't think that their room was ever going to be on the internet. And now it is. And you guys are like nine years old and you was like that's your parents sex wing and they really didn't think that their room was ever going to be on the internet and now it is and you guys are like nine years old and you're like mom and dad's like you know fucking that's where they hang their clothes or whatever it's like no

that's how your parents fuck kids now you put them on blast you idiots uh all right let's get into um there's there's there's some news going on right now involving Howard Stern that I thought was pretty fucking shocking, to be honest. Um, and it looks like somehow he's just kind of skating because he's like the king of this shit. Brought to you by Rad Power Bikes. Uh, the e-bike craze is, is finally here. It took long enough. To be honest, this is a no brainer. This should have been done from done from a long time ago. But now you can get on your electric bike and Rad Power bikes are the best in the business because they're the most affordable and the most well-made. Whether you're back at work and you want to commute, you can do so on the Rad Power bike. That means it's going to be a fun ride. It's going to be a quick ride. It's probably going to be good for the environment. And you're going to enjoy yourself every morning.

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Donald... A Trump roundup with also Howard Stern because Donald Trump Jr. is involved in this Howard Stern shit. First, Donald Trump roundup with also with Howard Stern because Donald Trump Jr. is involved in this Howard Stern shit. But first, Donald Trump walking down that ramp like an old man, just like kind of like foot step, step, step, and then needing to tweet about it afterwards to like proclaim that he was walking normal. I think we talked about this on the podcast a few weeks ago,

how they can't come up with any funny nicknames to make fun of him. They can't get under his skin the same way that Trump gets under their skin. Clearly, you just need to make fun of him and his ability to walk and drink water when he couldn't lift the water up unless he had two hands. Whenever you talk about that stuff, the dude, he gets on a Twitter spree. It's clearly under his skin. It's like, I mean, that says that's like, that's like Dave. Like when, when, when we make fun of Dave, it's like, oh dude, like you can't hit a

wiffle ball anymore. And it's like, no, no. What are you talking about? No, that's the blueprint. I had to get under these guys, but it also made me think think imagine how much it sucks to be president where like you know obama had to like talk about why he wore a tan suit and donald trump needs to talk about how he walked down a ramp i mean i agree with that one because stairs i think stairs once your athletic career is over stairs the only place you can flex on people your last chance to show it off a little bit but you're like i still got you skipping stairs

you go you skip a stair or if you can run downstairs one of the most agile people on the planet still you're seeing the people who run downstairs yeah yeah crazy stairs if you're if you're walking with someone you notice that like you you take note when they do when they do a double step you're like oh we're looking at the fancy boy over here and if you do what he prompted where it's like both feet hit every stair i mean that's how little kids that's how keegan walks up and down stairs right foot left foot right foot left that's like that you see someone do that you're like oh you're not physically well you there's something that's the funny thing too is it's not just like, hey, look at that old man. He's like, he's stumbling around.

People are like, he's had a stroke. He's got dementia. He's got like nerve issues. I mean, the takes are absolutely flying. I will say in his defense, when you're walking down like a ramp with stairs that are kind of like elongated and it's not a normal, it is sometimes like, I don't know what to do here. Am I going to go foot to foot? Am I going to do long strides?

Like now the tough thing was he had some general right next to him or whoever who was just like, pow, pow, pow, pow, walking fine. But when you have long stretched out steps that are only like two inches and it's more of a ramp, I look just as awkward as Donald did. I don't know what to do. Are all stairs, is there a uniform size for a stair are all stairs created equal it's a great question i mean like like like right obviously with this ramp in particular there are some that are clearly different but it's regular stairs are they all heightened with i bet you there's a pretty uniform standard it must be because you get so like a fucking muscle memory that like,

even if it's a centimeter off, you ever, sometimes there is a stare. It's a little off. You kick it every time. Fucks you. I know it's crazy. The slightest variation from what you're used to with walking. This happened to me when my, uh, when my back was fucked up and the nerve was pinched for so long that my foot started to like die a little bit. Yeah, it was like

I didn't have the same reflexes and numbness and shit. The reason I found out is because I kept tripping into things. I was like, did I forget how to fucking walk? What's going on? It turned out my foot was just slightly dipping.

I was hitting curbs and i was tripping over things if you switch up yeah oh yeah and i also uh a buddy of mine one time was just like why are you limping and i was like what he's like you're like very visibly limping and i just like didn't even realize it it was like a slow it was like a slow death of my foot my foot was just dying jesus christ good times good Good times. I was young. I was probably like, I was in college. Sophomore year. Freshman year.

It was wild. That was the beginning of the end for me when my nerves were fucked like that. Sophomore year of college. That was when I really started to get old. Yeah, basically. I was like 18 going on like 118. But if you, when there's one step that's off or just like a staircase in general, it's not like uniform, you're fucked. So I'm actually on Donald's side.

The water thing, I don't understand. I don't know why he can't sip water. Remember, he did this during the campaign where he like, he was like sipping it funny back then. It's like, dude just does not know how to drink out of a bottle. No, but it also, it's not really a surprise. Like he doesn't know how to stand. You ever just looked at them standing.

The arms are just like, they're just like dangling. Kind of. Someone once described him as he looks like a centaur standing, but just without the back horse. Yes. That's great. The way he's like, yeah,

he's leaning forward. Kind of. So he's doing that. Michael way he's like, yeah, he's leaning forward kind of. So he's doing that. Michael Jackson, just like, what a weird cat, man. He's like,

he is just from the hair to the skin to the, he's a big dude, but he's kind of lumpy. The whole thing is just bizarre. He looks like, he looks like Frankenstein's monster. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like kind of pieced it together and parts of it are, he looks like a, in like men in black, that one guy who's like inside the human body but he's an alien he's all like just weird looking that's not that's that's vincent de forno or whatever right from laura yeah yeah yeah yeah that's that's the by the way i had a great i didn't i forgot to tell kevin bacon this i had a dream last night where like it was just his movie the movie he'll be on show thursday and it was but my own my i just i only saw watch the trailer and then my mind finished the movie uh-huh riley reads in

it a lot hey i wasn't sure how to bring it up to him we're like yeah there was a co-star at and then vincent de fornoorno is Kevin Bacon's brother. He's in it, too. That's weird. Look at you. Look at you just making movies, half porn, half normal. Tev, call me up next time. We'll do a sequel together, all right?

Also, in the Trump realm, Donald Trump Jr. put Howard Stern on blast because I think, you know, Howard has been pretty outspoken against Trump. And Donnie Jr. wanted to get in the mix. And he tweeted out a video of Howard Stern from 1993, doing an impersonation of when Ted Danson did blackface. And he was dating Whoopi Goldberg at the time. I think it was also a knock on Whoopi. She's so anti and she's so, you know, supportive of the Black Lives Matter. And now you look at this footage where she's just laughing at this guy in blackface. But anyway, this skit, Howard Stern is calling Whoopi and Robin filthy n-words like 15

times in a couple minutes. And I don't think anything's happening to Howard Stern. I feel like unless today as we record this, it blows up. I feel like he's just got to pass. I didn't know what happened. You told me about it before the show started. And I mean, yes, that's a double standard. Yes, it's bad. Should he be roasted for it? Are people going to try to cancel him? Maybe, probably, I don't know.

But his response was just like, yeah, I was the craziest direct quote was I was the craziest motherfucker on radio. Like I did wild shit, stuff. I regret stuff. That's bad. I've evolved. I changed. So you're not putting anything out there.

That's like, like that video was already out there. People already, you know, it wasn't like maybe not popularly anything out there that's like like that video was already out there people already you know wasn't like maybe not popularly known but it's not like donald trump jr had like exclusive footage and the way that howard is just like yeah man it's like it's like what we said about the steroids all those guys probably should have just been like yeah i did it because i think that you're kind of like he's he's not bulletproof when you're just like yeah i was a fucking asshole. It's almost like like like drowning someone in bad news. Like you don't remember the one thing because like it's all bad.

So it's like, yeah, like I don't I don't know what I'm going to tell you. I did a lot of it. And like that, honestly, I don't know. That's probably not the worst thing Howard Stern did. Right. Probably worse things out there. So he's like, all right, at least you're talking about this one and not the other one i don't well i wasn't uh a very close follower of howard stern's career but the i would imagine that they're that's really the tip of the iceberg

yeah i mean he same thing with like women where it's like can can you ever pin like inappropriate conduct with women on howard stern when he like had them in studios like throwing ping pong balls in their assholes. It's like, yeah, I did it, but I did it on camera. Like you've already seen this shit. It's a, it's a testament to living like totally open. Like, you know, we, we've seen shit that nobody cares about Dave. We've seen shit that Howard Stern, even like I said, uh, like Dennis Rodman like could kill somebody and everyone's just like, yeah, whatever.

Whereas a rod fails a steroid test and you thought he was a squeaky clean person so now all of a sudden it's it's front page news for like a year straight dude dennis rodman got on a motorcycle drunk with a miller light in hand and we were like classic dennis awesome dude so cool man yeah i mean it's it's crazy this is nothing new you know i've always kind of called it like the Manny being Manny, and Bill Simmons talking about the Tyson zone. These are all things that we've known with major stars before. But I would imagine this is probably as bad.

If this footage was for someone else, they would for sure be canceled and be wrapped up. I don't know if I've ever seen seen at least from a media point of view, there's definitely been crimes from a content point of view. There's been people who've gotten away with fucking murder, literally. But as far as a content thing that I think would cancel or ruin

anyone's career, it's not even fucking registering as news for Donald Trump. I keep saying Donald Trump for Howard Stern. It's so weird to have to like, there are so many things that, like, so many steps along that way where you should have been like, ah, maybe I shouldn't do this. Right. Almost like

the bedroom, the fancy bedroom, like, look, we're going to go all the way downstairs and I got to tie you up and this and that. Too many obstacles in the way. This one was like, so much stuff had to had to happen we were like I probably should have just said I should stop he's got the face on he's got an afro he's doing like a accent he's I mean it is like over the top and what's always crazy though is Robin Quivers is right there and she was like kind of laughing about the skit and like speaks up at one point but in like a joking manner

so he was probably just like all right we're good you know Robin's on off whatever um but it laughing about the skit and speaks up at one point, but in a joking manner. He was probably just like, all right, we're good. Robin's signed off, whatever. He's the king of fucking media. I don't think it mattered. What kind of controversy do you think it would take for Joe Rogan to be canceled? Do you think he's on that

Howard level? I guess technically, technically yeah he is seeing as he got like a howard type bag from spotify but i also and maybe i'm just wrong but like i feel like everyone knew who howard stern was i think if i went downstairs and told my mom joe rogan she'd be what the hell you're talking about yeah it didn't quite like break into the to the mainstream there uh yeah you're probably right on that, which is interesting. Cause it's probably, that's probably the difference is like, yeah, they're both like the Kings of media, but you know,

your grandma knows who Howard Stern is. I don't think, I don't think Joe really does controversy either. Right. Well, that's why I think that's why he's gotten to where he's gotten. He doesn't like, he's not like, he's not like censored or clean, but he really never like goes in one way or the other you know right he kind of keeps it down the middle hit did you see bill burr on rogan reason i'm not doing this job oh it's the best it was the best there he's on rogan and they're smoking stogies and you can tell that rogan is just trying to bait him into like a which side

of coronavirus are you on you wearing a mask you? You're not wearing a mask. And Bill, I don't think I've ever disagreed with Bill Burt. I can't remember one time where I was like, I don't know. I don't know what Bill's talking about. I disagree. He's always just like speaking the normal dude's mind. And he just says, I'm not doing this job. I don't have a medical degree. I'm not going to listen to you who doesn't have a medical degree. Just shut the fuck up. And I was like, yeah, this is, it's so and it's still funny it's not like he like he didn't contribute to the to the uh to the segment it wasn't like he just shut it down still had a very funny line but in a way that's just like

not engaging in some fucking argument that we don't even know what the fuck we're talking about dude i was speaking of mass i was in new york this weekend and we were out at the bars and stuff like that we're all all going to have coronavirus. All right. Where are you at? Because I'm getting scared again. I think I'm going to end up killing my parents. That's what I'm worried about because nobody's

doing anything anymore. Yeah, no. I mean, it was awesome. It was fun. I would put a mask on to go order a drink and then I'd come back into my my little circle and i take the mask off there but like we were social distancing from other groups of people right like it's still just a ton of people in the street absolutely and also like all right so you we were out with casey keith whoever else and you guys were fine but then like you know casey goes and does that with a different crew

and you go and do that with a different crew and Keith does it. And then you guys get back together. You're effectively just sharing all that shit. For sure. For sure. Yeah. And like, I don't, I'm over like the, the insane fear and paranoia, but like Florida has 2000 cases per day now. Like it's, it's growing faster than it ever did. And it's just this time around, nobody cares. I mean, I always used to think it was stupid and ignorant to say that it was like a fabrication of the media, because it's not obviously it's real. But I think we are seeing just how like impactful the media was, because this time around, the news outlets are covering something else. And it's just not talked about now. it's the same thing i mean the same levels uh of of cases and shit and they just don't care this time yeah yeah i mean like obviously media drives stuff like that but uh i i think i don't know what i don't know what i think i got nothing here it's it's we're

all just gonna get it well i I know. I mean, New York kind of flattened their curve and we're doing good, but if we open back up and it slips back to where we were, I think that's the difference. Those states are just getting to where a place like New York was.

If we just slip right back into that, we're fucked. Dude, the cops came by and they were just like six cops just threw their hands up. They i don't i don't know what to do like we got we got nothing here there's like i think like five like one of the cops was pissed and five of the cops were like they're just having fun who gives a shit and it's like i don't know who gives a shit but someone should should. There should be an adult in the room, I feel like. Let's get into our top fives before we do our voicemails and get into our interviews. Top five today is home run hitters, just flat out best top five

home run hitters in baseball. And got to go get yourself some Omaha Steaks. It's the home run for Father's Day. It is the easiest, best gift that you know is quality that your dad's going to like. And I can guarantee you that and vouch for that because I've been eating it myself. Omaha sent me their package for the summer for Father's Day. Dude, they sent us a package. We already ate it all, so I ordered another package.

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Like, McGuire came back the next year and hit 65. And nobody ever talks about that. Sosa hit 63 and 64 after hitting 66. And it's just like, oh, well, yeah, they're just like doing the damn thing again. Like, no big deal. I mean, Sammy had 63 home runs, I think, and finished ninth in MVP voting. What? Ninth.

It's 99. I think he had 63 home runs and finished ninth. It was video game shit. Like, no wonder it saved baseball. We weren't even playing baseball. We were playing a fucking fictionalized sport. It's nuts. Top five home run hitters.

Lead us off, baby. I mean, gotta go to the kid. Woo-hoo! I think there's two options there. So, Griffey, I'll never begrudge that. Are you going for style, swag, prettiness? I'm going for a little bit of everything. I'm going to have some names on this list.

I don't even know. I didn't do any research. I don't even know what I'm going with here. But I know I have a couple of names. You're going to be like, what? And I'm going to be right with it. Okay. That's what's good about this.

When you do like 10 fucking ice creams, we're all stealing each other's shit. I'm going to go with, I think, the other obvious one, Barry Bonds. He's the king of this shit. Bonds is one of the craziest athletes of all time. His last year,

the year he retired or whatever it was that technically happened, wasn't his OPS like 1,200? Yeah, he was a monster until the very fucking end. I mean, he was, he was that dude who they, they, when they, when they baseball still struggles with steroids, but when they implemented testing something like, uh, like all stars and MVP votes and all that shit for guys who were like 30 plus went down drastically. Cause I think that was like the main thing that was just comical was like, these guys are getting awesome at the age of 38.

It just doesn't make any sense. And bonds was definitely that one where it was like bonds was also the most curious case. Cause you know, everyone says he was a hall of famer without the steroids and it's true, but he was like a 30, 30, 40-40 guy and like a leadoff hitter and then just became... It would be like if Steph Curry now also just had a career in the

post, backing people up. He played Shaq for half his career. He played Steph run and gun for half his career. That was what Bonds was. It was absolutely a fucking joke. What I think is crazy though is he had 74 but his other highest total, he never even hit 50. What? Yep. 24. He hit 49 home runs was his previous high before 74.

His home run total went up by fucking 24, a whole other good season's worth tacked on, which is, I mean, that almost makes me, when I saw that, I actually thought, this is a silly thought, but I was like, wow, maybe Barry Bonds wasn't like as much of a home run hitter as I thought. I mean, he just played for so fucking long. He played for 22 years, but, Sammy has three seasons with 60. He has, like, five with 50. You know, like, crazy-ass numbers.

But, yeah, Bonds went 46, 49, 73. I mean, it's just – and, yeah, let me see. His last season, OPS of 1045, he led the league in on base, and he still had 28 homers. That's why, I mean, still led the league in walks. He led the league in walks 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 times. I mean, it's just 232 walks in 2004 is preposterous. That picture Coley tweeted last night where the Bonds' hands are up, the bat isn't even in the shot anymore,

and the catcher is still in the right position. That's how fast those balls got out of there. He's like, I might catch this. No, I don't think I realized that he won MVP four years in a row. I don't think I knew that either. That's crazy. And the year in 2000 prior to that, he came in second. So he would have had five straight.

He had four in a row and three others. That's just crazy. So I'm going to take Bonds, steroids and all. I mean, obviously, we don't care about steroids here. Just putting that out there. Yeah. All right. I'm trying to decide which way I'm going to stories here. Just putting that out there. Yeah. All right. I'm trying to decide which way I'm going to go here.

I'm going to go Manny. Ooh, wow. And you want to know why? Part of it is Tyler had a great tweet last night where, like, the aesthetics of baseball are different. Well, like, a step three looks like a step three in every arena. But, like, baseball, like a ball taken off into the night. And Manny like a Steph 3 in every arena. Baseball, like a ball taken off into the night.

Manny has a righty at Fenway. Putting balls onto the pike was insane. Whenever you saw, when you got to see the night sky, the ball in front of the night sky, that's a pretty rare thing. Not many stadiums have that.

It almost looks like when you see people at golf ranges, driving ranges at night and it just looks like the ball is going into outer space. That was Manny where I was like, I think that one's going to land on the fucking moon. He knocked down Coke bottles. It's like he was just... What Manny could do to

the green monster was illegal. There are holes and dents in it. I mean, it's just a pound. I'm surprised, and maybe it's on your list, but Manny over Ortiz, as far as your home run memories in Boston? Yeah. Well, I mean, not memories.

Obviously, Ortiz has the more important ones. But, like, I've always said that. I understand what David Ortiz did the more important ones. Right. But, like, I've always said that I understand what David Ortiz did for the organization and, like, what he means to Red Sox. But as far as my favorite Red Sox player goes, it's still Manny. I love Poppy. It's not a fucking putting down Poppy. Right.

But just, like, I thought Manny was the coolest dude in the world. He was. That's what you think. Poppy's cool. But Manny, like, the oversized jersey, that right-hand swing, the chain, the hair, the theatrics, it was just, you didn't give a fuck. Dude, Manny, I remember when I got,

I was told by a teammate's dad that I reminded him of Manny when I was in high school. What? It was because I was just fucking mindless out there. It wasn't because of my swing ability. It's the one thing you don't want to be compared to Manny for. He was like, yeah, you just run out there into the field. I don't even know if you know you're playing baseball.

You're kind of just out there being an idiot. And I'm like, yeah, I'll take it. Whatever, man. I can't have the swing. What felt better, getting compared to manny or getting the number of matthew mcconaughey comparisons you got on instagram this weekend holy shit john took a picture during uh like a little block party when he was out in the city and i mean the amount of comments all right all right all right or is that matthew mcconaughey or

i think nardini said you're the only guy who can go from like the yukon mustache dude to matthew mcconaughey in a weekend i mean you looked a lot like matthew mcconaughey yeah but that's i don't i don't though so like even that one picture that's fine it's like yeah there's one thing like if i did that would be great but like yeah that one angle i kind of look like him a little bit i guess but like yeah but you know what we just got to work that angle, baby. We'll like rearrange the studio so that you're always sitting there. We'll get the lighting,

right? If you have any set of circumstances that make you look like Matthew McConaughey, that's better than not. We got to start replicating those circumstances, man. That was what we started doing that day is, was, this is great advice for everybody here.

You got to take pictures of your friends. That's what, cause like hubs was like looking cool. And cause like everyone wants Instagram pictures, but you don't want to be like, Hey, can you take a picture of me? Right.

So just do it for me. I started taking pictures of people and just texting them to him. Oh, wow. So not even a thing of it. No, I, I was like,

what the hell is that? I was like, you look pretty cool right here, man. Yo, I like that. That's the hell is that i was like you look pretty cool right here man yo i like that that's the uh like the supportive photographer like we're not gonna make it like you're an influencer we're not gonna bother people like let's get together and take a picture i'm just if i notice you're looking good i'll snap you a candid and i'll send it to you because

like you deserve that self-esteem boost and and also like return the favor when the sun's hitting me in a good way or whatever, you know, it was, everybody likes it. Everybody likes it. Everyone likes it. It was,

I took a picture of hubs. So Casey put on her story yesterday. I took that picture. I don't know if Keith was still there when we were doing it, but just take pictures of your friends and then text them to them. It's funny because we're all like, I think everybody was relatively normal when they see people doing Instagram photo shoots and taking pictures of your food and inappropriate settings.

Everyone's like, ah, like fuck these people. But like, but you want to get your Instagram pics off too. For sure you do. I commend those people for just being shameless and being like, yeah, take a picture of my ass in front of the fucking protest. But Hey, my ass looks good and I don't care. But just do that for people without making them say it. That's what you're doing for them. That's a great self-esteem booster. You know what

though? You know what's bad? Now if you're hanging out with John and you don't get any sneaky secret texts, that means you're ugly. That just means you're gross. You never looked good enough for John to take a secret picture. All right. By the way, I'm looking at, I still have Bonds' numbers up here. He has 2,558 career walks, most ever. I mean, I don't really know, like, who the second place is, but that just sounds like a preposterous number.

That sounds like it's like a Gretzky-type yeah the next closest is like 900 right yeah all right uh my second one i think it's gonna be a little controversial because of eras and whatever but i'm going with ruth i know that you know he was playing against fucking plumbers and the talent level was not high. But I hate the old school, new school argument, particularly with basketball, but also with baseball. If you took that raw talent and put it

in this era with training and steroids, I mean, imagine if he was in the cage, if he was learning about fast twitch muscles and all that and i get the idea that you know he wasn't literally as as fit and as good of a swing and all that shit but he also made up for it like his numbers were so comically better than everyone in the year that he had more home runs than every entire teams, it's like, yeah, he's that far beyond what everyone else is doing.

So, I mean, he still has – let me see what his career numbers in certain years are. Are high enough that I think it makes up for the idea that, like, in this era, he, uh, I mean, his career OPS is 1164. Like that is that in 64. Yep. That's like it for his career. He, he, he, he slashed for his career. 342, 474, 690 for your career number of slugging. When you played 22 years to be 690. And how about this? How many times do you think Babe Ruth won the MVP?

Six. One. What? One time. I don't know what the award was like, but he won it in 1923. And then the only other times he ever even got votes was 31 and 32 where he finished 5th place and 6th place. So something must have been

going on with the MVP. I don't know how that award worked. But the only time he won it was when he had 41 homers and 130 yards. When he had 60 home runs, he didn't even get a vote for the MVP. That's insane. There must be something up then. Yeah, there's got to be something where

only certain positions could win it or whatever. But as much as you can make the argument that... Oh, and by the way, he only made the All-Star team twice. That must have just been like... It didn't exist until 1933. I don't know. But I think if you take that raw talent and that much

power ahead of its time, it would have translated into any era. Okay. Now I'm going to go wacky here. Now I'm off the rails, baby. Number three, Willie Mopena. Dude. I got my two in that I needed to get in.

Willie Mo was either going to strike out or he's going to hit the ball 600 feet. Willie, if you Google Willie Moe Peña's name, once you hit Willie M, it autofills to Willie Moe Peña home run. That's just what Willie Moe did was just hit monster shots. He had that video, I think it was last year or two years ago. He went over to Korea or Japan or wherever he was playing, and he hit the ball like 600 feet he's like 35 years old still went up 600 feet uh i i am gonna uh i'm gonna go off the

rails a little bit here to make this more fun because nobody wants to just sit here and be like uh you know no hank aaron like hank aaron i'm not he's not going to be on this list, is he? Are you going to draft him? I'm not going to draft him. Fuck Hank Aaron. I'm going to pick this next guy strictly for one home run only. Glenn Allen Hill, when he put that ball over the fucking apartments in Wrigley,

he could have hit no home runs other than that one in his career, and I would have him on my best home run hitters list. That thing is such a joke. If I was the pitcher, that would have been it for me. I would have hung him up. If that happens to you, I mean, and the way he just looks,

kind of looks like a dinosaur almost. He's got that weird, like, kind of chunky stance. It uncorks that shit into a different part of Chicago. I will never, ever forget that home run. It's probably my favorite single home run of all time. Four, Matt Stairs. Matt Stairs has never hit a first balcony home run in his life. He only hits second row shots. The great thing about Matt Stairs was

you were like, I mean, I could do that. Matt Stairs just looked like a guy who you're like, look, I could probably... I mean, he's not this peak physical. He's not this action figure out there. It's just like Matt Stairs is this big fucking dude with a big fucking swing. I will go.

I don't know if Matt Stairs, I don't know if the handle of his bat ever got off his gut. It was just a twist. That's probably how he got his power. He put his gut behind it. I'm going to one-up you, I think, and just take Matt Stairs on a whole other level. Fat fucking Mo Vaughn, who just did nothing but uncork. I mean, he looked like an Ewok. He just had a fat, like, bear cub face, and he had, like, his chin tucked.

He was all so tight but so fat, and then he would just uncork. And I remember he hit one when he was on the Mets. The Mets had that one year. They got him and Jeremy Bernitz and all these other fucking washed up assholes. And we were like, oh, we're going to win 100 games. And they won like 60. They were so bad. But he put one off the fucking scoreboard and Shea.

That was like Shea had this enormous scoreboard that was probably like 200 feet tall. And it hit like 190 feet up. It was insane how high this ball was hit. And he was just so bad at everything else. You know, it was just like, Mo Vaughn was the definition of feast or famine. He's going to stink in the field. He's going to strike out a zillion times,

or he's going to put one into orbit. So shout out to Mo, you fat fucking cheater. All right, last one. Jim Tomey. Ah, that was going to be on my list. He was great too. Dude, Jim Tomey, he looks like if you were to build a baseball player or a home run hitter.

He had the fucking crouch. He had just three cans of tobacco in his mouth at one time and was just up there. He was country strong. I was going to say, that was a corn-fed boy who was just like, I hit baseballs. That's what I fucking do. I don't think he ever touched a weight in his life.

That was just like, he'd get up in the morning at 4 a.m. to work on the farm, and then he'd come in to hit baseballs, and he'd go back and work on the farm. Let me see. Let me see. I don't know if they hit home runs here. I was going to say Marla Hooch, but I feel like she was just a good hitter. I don't think she had power.

I don't think any of the girls hit home runs, did they? I was like, I don't even know who Marla Hooch is. Marla Hooch from A League of Their Own. Marla, what a hitter. That is the meanest thing. I just watched it recently when they do a little sizzle reel and Madonna slides into third and her skirt pops up

and she's looking sexy and Kit and whatever her name was are fucking being flirty. Then they show Marla Hooch from 200 feet away and she's standing at... The camera's at home plate and she's at the infield and they're just like, Marla Hooch, what a hitter. It's just so mean. and they're just like marla hooch what a hitter it's just so mean that girl was just like i'm the ugly girl this movie

like for casting they just had to be like we need a fucking disgusting girl is that rosie huh is that rosie o'donnell no it no it's not even it's a girl who's even uglier than rosie i don't know i've never seen the movie oh it a great film. It's a great piece of cinema. Tom Hanks is incredible in it. He's just a drunk, mean baseball player who doesn't want to be there, but eventually learns to love him and shit. But he's just got hammers in. He's pissing.

He's passing out. He's always drinking whiskey. He is up there. Let me go, though. I wrote down a couple. I'm going to get one more. I'm going to get one more legit one in there. No, you know who I'm going to go with? Very, very little known one, but I got to give him some love as a Mets fan.

Ralph Kiner. Look up Ralph Kiner's numbers fights. Ralph Kiner had a career. It was cut short by back problems, but he has as many 50 home run seasons as Griffey, Mantle, Mays, and Jimmy Fox. This dude was awesome, and he got cut short, and now he ended up being a broadcaster for the Mets who just kind of rambled on with nuts. Did he play for the Mets? What's that? Did broadcaster for the Mets who just like kind of rambled on like with like nuts. Did he play for the Mets?

What's that? He played for the Mets? Played for the Pirates. And then, yeah, I don't know if he ever had any time in the Mets. He just ended up being a broadcaster there. The most like unsung hero in the, like home run hitter ever. He would have been an absolute stud. So.

He went 47. He had 51, 48. He had 40, 49. He had 54, 50. he had 47 51 he had 42 uh and these are all these all led the league and then he went 60 and 23 and 1947 he had 51 and a boy that's ralphie for you and then what a long career though he played from 46 to 55. That's not that long. Nine years is a pretty good career. That's not a cup of coffee.

No, but when you – I mean, Bonds and those guys played for 22. Usually when you're a hitter like that, you can – Well, that's the juice. Yeah, that's true. That's how they really screwed, like, players now. Because, like, players had this idea in their head that, like, oh, like, my, like, early 30s contract would be my big one. Because, like, the rookie deals are you have their rights

for so long that like you're technically like probably out of your prime unless you're, you know, getting... Like Mike Travis and shit. Yeah, yeah. Probably out of your prime by the time your second contract comes around. Yeah, that's why, I mean, you got to get paid now because there isn't going to be that. You know, when A-Rod

signed two $250 million contracts, that should not be humanly possible. That's fucking insanity. Shout out to steroids. Just let them juice. Just fucking let them do it. All right. Let us know who won today's top five. I think we, I think we know who won that one. When Willie Mopeng is on your list, I think we know who fucking that one. When Willie Mopeng is on your list, I think we know who fucking won. Willie Moonshots. Voice mails today are brought to you by Paint Your Life.

This is one of the cooler sponsors we've had in a while. So, you know, Fights was just saying he got this beautiful picture of him looking like McConaughey. He's snapping pictures of his friends in the streets in a very interesting time where the setting and the scenery, it's never going to be the same ever again. Why not immortalize those pictures with an actual canvas painting that you can hang up on your wall, whether it's a picture of you, your family, your friends, your loved ones, your babies, your dog, a beautiful landscape, whatever you have, an individual picture of yours that's important to you, you can go to paintyourlife.com. You give them the photo and they can make a hand-painted portrait in about

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We've been friends for a while. And he realized is that one of the accounts that he finds on grinder, um, is my brother-in-law. Um, so I went out of my way. I downloaded the account. We got family dinner coming up this Sunday.

So I'm going to check the distance. I guess it shows distance ups to footage on how close they are to you to see if it's actually my brother or catfish account. But assuming that this is actually my brother-in-law, um, married to my sister, they have a second kid on the way. Um,

what, what in the fuck do I do? i don't i can't bring it up i'll crush my fucking sisters fucking hopes and all this shit so assuming that this is actually my brother's fucking grinder account or my brother-in-law's grinder account what the fuck do i do do i address it do i just let it go or what do i do about it fuck the guy who showed you this by the way. I don't know if it was like an accident. Like, hey, look at this list and you saw a name on it.

But I just want to put this out there. If anybody can find like a secret grinder account or like my brother or like someone in my life that I that I need to like, don't show me. I don't want to know. You don't put that stank on me. Now, what am I supposed to do with it? My brother, I want to know because that's like, yeah, I can help him. So I'd be like, but yeah, just so you know, like I know it's cool.

Yeah. Right, right, right. But this, in this situation, I wouldn't want to know because now I'm going to break my sister's heart. Right. Do you though? Yeah. You can't. See, I've done this before with couples who are cheating where people feel

the need to speak out and i'm like i think she or he already knows like i i think that this is like understood and i think if you bring it to the forefront that person's gonna now feel like compelled to act and it's like i think i think there's a chance that that she knows she knows women are smart women are women intuition is is a real fucking thing man unless this dude is like unbelievably sneaky with it i bet she has an inkling or has or knows and it's just like he you know he's a good father. We have a good thing going or, or maybe not, but like, if there's even a possibility that could be the case and now you're the one who brings it up to the point that, you know,

she feels like she has to act on it or she has to say like, yes, like I know that now shut the fuck up. And now it's awkward between you two. I, I don't know. I think outing people is a dangerous game to play, too. If you want to say it's outing, you can just leave out the fact that it's a Grindr account. You can just be like, I know he's on dating apps. But, like, it's not like they have a second kid. All right, so don't say it's the gay app.

Just be like, I heard he's on dating apps. I mean, I would say it. I would be like, yeah heard he's on dating apps. I mean, I would say it. I would be like, yeah, he's on Grindr. But I guess if you're concerned about an outing type deal, then you could just say he's on a dating app. But I mean, if it's my sibling, I would say something. If it's just a friend, I'd fucking leave it go. But like a sibling, I would have some kind of familial responsibility,

I think I'd feel. Would you talk to the guy first? No. Like if you don't tell her I will sort of thing? Like I'm going to give you the chance to like be honest about it? Yeah, I guess. Because that's like then you might, maybe there's something like, you know, okay, I understand.

You don't have to do this hiding anymore, but like we're still going to raise our kids like it might be like an agreement between them whereas if you tell the person then it's like i caught you cheating sort of thing yeah i guess i i guess i'd offer that like i don't know depends on what my relationship was like with him like if if yeah it's the guy i kind of say hi to then i probably wouldn't but like if we're tight i'd probably like look you gotta do the right thing here or whatever it is. But the... Listen, a kid on the way,

dude, what if you tell and then she says, okay, thanks. Thank you for telling me. I'm going to go talk to him. I think that we can work this out or have an agreement or whatever. Then she confronts him and he gets embarrassed or flustered and he's like, fucking, I'm out.

And now all of a sudden you've got like a single mom with two kids. I don't know, man. I don't know. I know that's why I know it sounds bad with things like this, but like I do believe once you're in like marriage and kids and like

dicey shit, I kind of believe it's better to just just stay out. With anyone else, I would. But a sibling is different. Yeah. No, I agree with that. You're right. And then also, if she does find out on her own and knows I knew,

and now I'm fucked. I don't want to be involved in any of this, but I don't want to be like I was hiding helping your husband. You're my sister. You're the one I'm on this team i'm on if you got cheated on but it was a girl who was like i'm gay and i like i figured it out now i'm hooking up with girls would you still be like offended or mad like in the same way no right it's totally different which is funny it shouldn't be it should be like you're having sex with someone who's not me but the part of it being like well oh you just didn't want any of this yeah yeah that's easy you just do not like me that's fine yeah like what am i gonna do no it's like you don't like it's not that you don't like me it's like yeah and honestly even if you're

just like i don't like you i'm like all right it's if you like honestly they get it would i wouldn't if you're gonna dump me you don't unless unless it's true you don't need to give me the it's not you it's me it's you it's you i'm like i get it could you imagine someone saying it's not me it's you it probably is there's there's not always that way but there's there's plenty of things about me that are a deal breaker like so you just realized it congratulations i've known for quite some time now i genuinely don't think i would be offended because like anything that you don't like about me probably isn't something i could change it's probably just like me so it's like well like, well, I, I, it's, I'm not for everybody.

I understand. And I think you're incredibly narcissistic. If you think you are for everybody, why, why should someone love you? If you're so shocked that someone could choose to not be around you anymore. What are you? So special,

right? Most of you is bad. Right. most of you is bad right most of the things that you've gotten into the world are like not really that special I can see the Matthew McConaughey comparison lasted for about like 18 hours of self esteem and we're back to

our regularly scheduled programming I'm terrible dump me next up but also like the good things about you are like you i think most people have enough bad things about them that they should die alone but there are but there are good things that like you can just kind of like lean on that if you like god if i got dumped i'd be like i get it but also like i got this stuff too it's no i you know god if i got dumped i would be like i get it but also like i got this stuff too it's no i you know what when i hear this die alone nonsense what's better

dying alone what's worse dying alone or dying like next to some like wife or husband you've been married to for 60 years and now you fucking hate each other who cares about being alone i can't for every one couple where they're like look at this 99 year old couple who they both beat covid and they're like crying together and it's so sweet that's it it's like that's like the one couple in the world that likes each other it's headline if you're old and in love it's headline news right and it should be and i think they're lying i think they're wrong i don't think they know like what love means they like they came from like the great depression and world war ii and they're just happy to be't think they know what love means. They came from the Great Depression and World War II and they're just happy

to be alive. And everybody else with any sort of standard is like, this person, they don't really like me for who I am. They encroach on my freedom. They don't let me do this. They give me problems with that. It's not working anymore. It's over for relationships. I'm putting an end to relationships.

At least give me the expiration ones. You know, 10 years and then you're out. Give me an opt-out clause. Next up. Hey, guys. Quick am I the asshole question here. You guys talk about when other guys kind of gap each other up, whether it's, hey, I like those shoes or, you know,

a nice hoodie or whatever and how good that can feel sometimes. But my question is, there's a guy in the office who is just known for continually gassing people up on a daily basis to the point where it's every hour. And when he makes or gives me a a compliment i just completely disregard it now and don't even say thank you i'm wondering am i the asshole for just discrediting his compliment or is he the asshole for just gassing people up way way too often and now it just means nothing this is uh this is like andy bernard this guy decided he's gonna walk in the office and use you know use tactics to like have friends and and use tactics to have friends and companions.

You can't do this. You can't do it more than like once a day. I say it all the time. You don't do this. I don't say it when I don't believe it. Well, that's fine. I say it a lot well that's fine a lot that's fine but you if if you're gonna stand if you're gonna stick to i only say it when i mean

it there's no way you're saying it every hour oh i didn't hear the hour part yeah he said like he said like multiple times a day like if i see you and your outfit's cool i will mention it now an hour later i probably could be like oh and you know Your hair looks good today and like oh I saw that blog you wrote like you can probably find things every hour to compliment someone On but if you overdo it then the actual ones that really usually boost your self-esteem they lose all its luster, right? Yeah, no, that's that's for sure. But now now flip side this guy runs around the office and he's giving everyone Compliments and this dude just does not even respond not a thank you Now, flip side, this guy runs around the office and he's giving everyone compliments. And this dude just does not even respond. Not a thank you.

Not a like, oh, yeah, this old thing. Just no reaction. I understand it. I think you're within your rights. But now you're going to start to look like the asshole at work, too. You're definitely the asshole. The other guy, you're not an asshole for over complimenting. It might.

You're annoying. It's really emotion to it. Yeah. But you're not an asshole for over complimenting it might you're annoying it's really emotion to it yeah but you're not like an asshole you're kind of just like all right dude i get you you're never going to be called rude for being too complimentary right you're called annoying awkward you know disingenuous but you know you're trying to do the right thing and be a nice person whereas the guy who just like disregards a nice compliment, maybe some other guys are like, yeah, well, he doesn't respond to Randy because Randy never fucking stops. But for everyone else who doesn't know the details, they'd be like,

you're just a jerk, dude. Yeah, like, bro, he just said nice tie. Be like, thanks. Say something. Yeah. And you gotta return volley, too, with compliments. You can't just go, thanks, man. You know what? I think I would prefer like, I think you should return volley, like, an hour later or after lunch or something.

Because if you're like, nice shirt, man, I'm like, okay, thanks, man. Nice pants. Yeah, that's true. I'm looking for something. I'm usually the initiator, so I don't really notice if I return volley ever. But I guess you're right. It does feel like piggybacking. It's like if you really thought that, you would have said it first.

Now you're just saying it because I said it. I think you should almost make a mental note and be like, all right, I'm going to give John a compliment at like 4 o'clock. It's like when someone's like, oh, do you remember? It's like Tim's birthday, and you both are like, let me go text him. It's like, no, we got to stagger it because then he's going to know what's up. You got to stagger it a little bit so that you don't sound like you're just fucking throwing it out there. That's the way I am with the thank yous for dinner, too.

I say my thank yous in the parking lot. Everyone gets up to the table and says thank you to the person who bought dinner at the same time. I'll catch you outside. Now you just got to work on giving condolences to people with dead parents. Then we're good. Next up. Matt from San Francisco. First time in a long time.

Yeah, she's calling in. So I have, my girlfriend and I have been dating for about six months. And we've gotten to the point where she started to like leave certain clothes in my house, including her underwear. And so today we woke up and she showered and then she was searching through the drawer for underwear and she found a pair and she said huh that's weird i don't ever remember these that's funny and she just shrugged it off and then it ended up wearing them but she didn't remember them because they belonged to a different girl i was seeing two years ago so now my current girlfriend is casually wearing around my ex-girlfriend's

underwear. I assume I just have to take this to the grave. Yes! Yes, you take this to the grave. First of all, she knows that you know what underwear you have and what underwear you don't have. Oh, i disagree with that

you think that girls are not are gonna not know that like this is someone else's thong i don't know i mean i probably wouldn't notice i'd be like i don't remember getting these especially like i have a lot of underwear like it depends on how different we're talking like if if you were to get me if i were to all of a sudden have a pair of like armani underwear like i never had these i know i never had that if it's just like i have the black calvin klein and these are like the purple calvin klein then maybe not but if this girl is like you know if these are this is like a distinct pair of underwear i think she knows yeah then that case might know but if it's a black Victoria's Secret thong, then she's probably like,

this could be mine. I feel like it would be either, if it's enough that you say I don't remember this, then it's not just going to be a black Victoria's Secret thong. Either way, I feel like she probably

doesn't know because I don't think many girls would, would bite their tongue on that one. They wouldn't say anything at first. Then they would bring it up. Like after like, you know, a few drinks or something. I think if you slide them on and you're wearing them,

you probably have been like, yeah, like confused. Right. If you have any inkling that it's another chick and you're just like putting her pussy on yours. I don't think that would happen. Do you think girls find it way grosser to share underwear because like i don't care about sharing

underwear i would imagine yeah i saw kate put up a tweet that said like girls who try on bathing suits without underwear are like the bravest women in america or something like that i think they're very conscious of of putting on underwear that's been rubbing up against someone else's vagina even if it's been washed up against someone else's vagina. Even if it's been washed, you know what I mean? It's like these have gone through like scorching hot water and soap. And I'd be like, nope, I don't want that. Are you that way with your guy friends? Like let's say you're at a beach house and someone's like, I got a bathing suit.

John, I almost went to you and asked for underwear at Memorial Day. I ended up staying a day later than i thought and if i didn't have just like i had just like barstool indoors pants that i just put on fucking commando because we were driving home but if we had to like go somewhere or do something i would have been like yo give me some underwear i'll use your toothbrush i'll wear your underwear whatever dude i don't give a fuck about that stuff other people probably do i would imagine guys in general though are more lax about it than chicks, but also rightfully so. It's like, that

rubs up against your asshole all day long. I don't want to wear that. Yeah, this is like an extra finger in your shorts kind of touched it a little bit. Let's do one more, and we'll get into our interviews. What do we got? What's up, KFC by Super Producer BC. I have a question for you guys.

If you got a tattoo that was based off of a TV show or a movie, what would it be? And by this, I mean that any of the characters could have had it or it could be some sort of quote or symbols that were throughout the show or movie. Mine would personally be the lost numbers, probably. You guys were talking about it on last episode. Big lost guy. But I have it hidden so people don't ask me what obviously the numbers mean, because I hate when people fucking do that with tattoos. But anyway, let me know. Thanks, Dave.

This is a great question. American History X. Whoa! I mean, it would be memorable. Did he say he has his tattoo hidden because he doesn't like when people ask what tattoos mean? Yep. I mean, what's the point of getting them? I mean, if you have a tattoo, people can ask what they mean.

That's what tattoos are also if you get like a tv tattoo like i could see something you know you have a dead friend you have something wrong with your family and it's like for you you know maybe you put that somewhere and it's just like you know it's comforting to you you know you're like permanently with them whatever your reasoning is but something like hey my favorite tv show is lost four four six eighteen twenty three forty two like why why get that if you're not gonna be like yeah i'm a lost fan check it out you know yeah yeah that doesn't that doesn't make any sense at all to me i think it's a kind of cool tattoo i just don't think it makes any sense to be like i don't want people asking about it your your your relationship with loss is that deep

and spiritual that it's just a permanent mark for us. We know what it means. If you're really deep into loss, you could say that the numbers represent fate versus coincidence and good luck and bad luck.

If you were going to do that and you're going to get it inked on you, you probably would be that type of diehard fan, but then why hide it? Why, why not show it? I don't know. I was saying, you know, if I, when I get a tattoo, it's going to be like subtle, but you know, you don't have to have it like across your chest, but to specifically put it somewhere where people can't see, like, it's like when you make music that you don't release you know it's like i don't want people to hear that well i even fucking do this you know uh it's a

good question though what what would be i don't even know like i don't even have an example i think american history act is probably the most iconic tattoo that there is just because like not in a good way but just like memorable it's very very memorable tattoo right um so that was the first one that came to my head i I can't even think of a second. Would you get a quote? I think it's way overdone, but I think at some point in history, maybe a clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose would have been a cool quote. Now it's everywhere. If I was a high school football player, maybe I would have gotten one.

The right timing. the right, that's, that to me is probably a TV wise, the best, like the most memorable quote or like catchphrase. I don't know. There's a lot. I mean, again, is it, is it tattoo worthy? It's like when I think of TV catchphrases, am I going to get, that's what she said tattooed on my body? Probably not. Am I going to get, I'm the one who knocks tattooed on me? Probably not.

It's funny. It's like, I love TV more than anything, but I can't, I don't know if I would ink myself with, or would you just get a person tattooed on you? Would you get a face or a character or something or what about like a i could see people i this would be i bet you this is popular i bet you people get like a sword from game of thrones tattooed on you or something yeah that's i think that's one of the coolest tattoos is that like the stark family they all have like the stark tattoos what do they have they have like the stark crest like the the wolf

mouth or whatever i don't even know if it's the wolf but like it's like what's her name has it and oh i think aria has it and yeah like a family might have it i forget some of them have like the stark i don't think it's the wolf i think it's something else i'm gonna let me look at it real quick yeah that i mean i could get down with that if it was like that's almost you need something that the characters themselves have a tattoo of and you know you get it as well um but i think picking any anything like from a tv show like like my i think my favorite quote i'm so deep in lost man and i just know every episode it is the it is yeah i'm so deep into lost and every episode is so fucking good but i just have this inevitable feeling of dread it's so weird it's like as episodes get better i'm getting more down about lost because i'm like oh the bar just keeps going higher and i know how far it's gonna fall i'm

praying to god that you know i have a different perspective and a different time and I've seen different shows that maybe it won't be as bad of a letdown. But I don't think I've ever seen a show that as it gets better, I get more disappointed. But I know everything builds up to me. The episode where Jack

says we have to go back. I might just get we have to go back across my back. That to me is the best. That's my favorite TV moment back. I might just get we have to go back across my back. I mean, that to me is the best. I think that's my favorite TV moment ever. I can't wait for that to come back on this. I'm going to fucking come. That's late though, right?

Yeah, I feel like it's like season, I want to say like four-ish. You know what's crazy? Ben Linus doesn't show up until season two, episode 14. That's fucking 40 episodes into Lost before Ben's even there. That's crazy. Crazy. Because I was like, I'm rewatching. I'm like, I can't wait to get to Linus.

And then I'm like checking the episode list. And it's like not even close, dude. So, I mean, that just shows how much that show, like, if you're watching it for the first time, you have no idea what's coming. I'm starting it again tonight. That's happening. Do it.

Do it with me. Come on. Bang it out. We can talk about it because it's like, you know, if you're watching in the beginning, you're like, all right, these are like castaways. How are they going to survive? And then when you think about where it finishes, you're like, holy shit. That show, you know what's nuts about it? I guess this is, you can say this for a lot of shows, but particularly Lost,

like the whole series, they're like in the ocean or walking through the woods. It's not like a show where you show up on set and you're like sitting in the coffee shop like in Friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Time to go to work. I got to like smear dirt on my face and rip my clothes and get in the water and all that shit. Those guys really went out there and earned it. So maybe if I had to pick a tattoo, we have to go back. All right, let's get into our interviews today.

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responsibly advertising by screwball spirits llc san marcos california whiskey with natural flavors and caramel color 35 alcohol by volume uh let's get into our interviews we got christina hutchinson from guys we fucked who uh has a new has a new comedy documentary out that sounds awesome. And Christina tells us a story of a threesome with two guys, one of which is a porn star. That, I think, is the most unique story I've ever heard. That would be my cocktail story. Like, hi, my name's Christina. I once fucked two guys, including a porn star.

I am just, I've been thinking about that guy nonstop, thinking about being the average normal guy who was involved in a two-male, one-girl threesome with a porn star is the most intimidating thing I've ever seen. A lot of pressure. How about this? I didn't want to say this during the interview,

so I'll ask you now, because I didn't know, like, just how vulgar and weird we can get like what kind of threesome do you think that was i think you think it was the real one you think it was the real one i had to guess i don't know we can reach out to her and ask but yeah what do you think if i ask that question you're telling the water or something like that i feel like if i asked that question during the interview how do you think it would have gone over oh yeah you think i i i really thought she would have but i was like maybe it's a bit much to be like so do you have a dick in your ass on your pussy

that's really what we're saying here so my question you say it that way yes maybe it's a little much but like if you were like what kind was it what would you rather uh have if you're a normal dude and you're trying to like hang with a porn star is there one that's better than the other they're all they're all not gonna go well it's all not gonna be a good performance from your boy all right so let's talk to christina uh now all right we got christina hutchinson back you know her from Guys We Fucked. Been on the New York City comic circuit for a long time. How you doing, girl? I'm good. I'm good.

Are you holding up alright? Are you one of these people who like, some people thrive in quarantine and some people are like suicidal. Where you falling? If I had to guess. Well, I was suicidal like a couple days ago, but I'm mostly thriving. I got a point. I knew I was going to guess. I feel like I'm like, anybody I'm friends with or I like, they're okay with quarantine. And the people who are not, I'm mostly thriving. I got a poppy. I knew I was going to guess. I feel like anybody I'm friends with or I like, they're okay with quarantine.

And the people who are not, I'm like, yeah, we're not going to get along. I don't know. I got a poppy. Oh, how old? He's five months. His name's Kevin. Hey, great name. Why'd you name him Kevin?

Kevin McAllister. I love it. Boy. I'm loving you more and more every second here. When did you get him? I got him right as the quarantine hit. Right as we were in lockdown.

Was it because of quarantine? Yeah, because I was like, if I don't get a puppy, I'm going to kill myself. It's a fine line between thriving and suicide. Put it on a t-shirt. It's a fine line between thriving and suicide. Put it on a t-shirt. It's a nice edge dance. Yes, I love that dance. It's my favorite.

Have you had any moments of regret where it's like you got to walk him at like 5 a.m. or whatever and you're like, fuck, I shouldn't have done this? Not one. This dog is amazing the only regret was apparently I left weed on my floor and I walked over to the dog this was like a month ago and he was walking crooked and falling over and looking he looked like he was in the exorcist

and I was like that's not and it was 3 in the morning I was high as fuck and I had to bring him to the ER and I didn't even know that weed was the culprit because i thought he was having a seizure and um and the doctor said he was having a neurological episode and the first question he asked me because it's covid so i had to wait at this pet er in the parking lot in a clear tent like like it was like et like elliot's house in et

that's what this can't look like. I was waiting there for two hours and then they finally called me and they were like, do you have weed in your house? I'm like, yeah. Yeah, I'm going to go to New York City. I'm pretty sure it's a marijuana intoxication. I was like, oh, he's just high?

I always wondered what I would do, not with a pet necessarily, more of a friend, where if I got to the hospital and they're like, what do you take? Can I tell you? How important is it? Are we really close to the end or can we go a little further before I divulge my secrets here? Well, right before quarantine, I did mushrooms and I spoke to the devil, man. Really?

The worst 12 hours of my life. I did mushrooms and I spoke to the devil, man. Really? Worst 12 hours of my life. Are you a like seasoned vet or was this like first time sort of thing? This was my first time doing a full dose. I have these chocolates that I bought from some guy on WhatsApp. And I was going to joke Craigslist, but it was worse. Right. And they, they were good. But the farthest I would ever get was like maybe the patterns in my desk would start to morph a little bit.

And I was like, okay. That was the farthest I ever got. This, everything turned into a cartoon. My friend and I went to Roosevelt Island. And we did them and everything turned into a cartoon. And I was just crying in the middle of a field. Like scream crying. And he was like, we should cartoon. And I was just crying in the middle of a field, like scream crying. And he was like, we should go.

And I'm like, why? We should get out of public. We should be indoors. And the thing is, they're like, when you're saying why, there's nothing he can do. He can't pick you up and take you. That's a whole other problem we got now. Yeah, my defense is, yes. Put it this way. If someone sees a man picking up a screaming, crying girl and dragging her out of a park while she's – that's not going to go well.

No, I've seen it. I've seen it in the blacklist. They try and tell – they're like, look, my sister, she's just a little out of it right now. She's got a sword. She's coming down or whatever. And guess what? That woman was a kidnap victim. So police should not listen to that.

That's actually a good tip for a kidnapper to say it's your sister. It's a lot it's a great tip from a kidnapper yeah that's true because even if it's a girlfriend he's kind of like well i don't fucking matter dude right but it's just whatever man so what what uh we're close when you say you spoke to the devil was it was it just the sights and seeing things or did you go through some psychological shit? Oh, I was crying as if I'd gotten my heart broken three times by three separate people. And my mom just died. The sadness I was feeling, I was so, I wanted to die the whole time. But after, did you love it?

After, I was like, what the fuck? This is way better. Like, I feel like a million bucks ever since I've done that. You got it all out. I want to take that so bad just to feel that sadness. You know what I mean? Like, just, I don't, like, make it happy, make it sad. Give me something.

Like, I'm just tired of feeling the color gray. Okay, buddy. No, he's not he's not he's definitely not you do drugs like because in quarantine it's kind of like well quarantine's kind of lifted now but now that it's you know before it was you're like i might just do the drugs i have in my house well you know what i was thinking like all the quarantine because everyone's kind of doing drugs i I feel bad for the Coke boys. Yeah. Like, no one's doing Coke.

Those guys got to be out of work. They're filing for unemployment while the weed guy's just cashing all the checks. That's true. Or they're selling Coke to all, like, the stay-at-home moms. Oh, yeah. Oh! You know what? They all moved out to the burbs.

Honestly, Coke is probably, it might be spiking just not for party reasons, just for like survival reasons for the family. Like mommy and daddy are going a million miles a minute. I don't know what's going on. We're organizing. Oh my God. I'll admit I popped an Adderall or two during this quarantine to just organize the shit out of my apartment. Dude, I can't do Adderall anymore. I did Adderall.

I did it like, you know, fairly regularly. As often as anyone in college did it. Obviously, it's exactly what you do. You do more cleaning than studying. I think I have severe TMJ from not sucking dick. Adderall.

You can't suck a dick. I can't. I'm going to see if I can make it crack. Oh, yikes. God damn, dude. That's just been grinding from 2006 to 2010. That's just grinding. God damn. That made me hurt.

I'm uncomfortable just hearing that. You should hear me eat a bagel. It's disgusting. Yeah, Adderall wreaked havoc on me for a couple years. I did up to 70 milligrams a day at one point and I was like this isn't fun like

it was bad I was taking a lot of Adderall I would wake up in the middle of the night and I was like I thought it was an earthquake and it was just I could feel my heart beating through my mattress oh my god how much were you taking I don't know who counts like come on look you don't count could feel my heart beating through my mattress. Oh, my God. How much were you taking? I don't know.

Who counts? Look, you don't count beers. You don't count milligrams at all. Oh, okay. Well, then I feel better about my substance abuse problem. I'm making you feel better a lot today. This wasn't my intention. That's always what you do.

You need to pick me up. You need to pick me up. You come to Feidelberg. He'll make you feel real good. How are you up with uh not being able to get on stage and whatnot i feel like all you comics it's like your fucking life force so when you can't go on stage you just shrivel up and die thanks uh that's pretty accurate though um you know it's been weird i have luckily i have a couple podcasts so I can just kind of, I use the podcast now as just stand-up comedy.

Chris D'Elia, who's a stand-up, has a solo podcast and I've always loved listening to his because I can tell he tries out new bits on it. It's really fucking funny. So I did a solo, I started a solo podcast so I could just run bit ideas. But today, actually, I'm going to a comedy

club at four it's like a secret open mic for comics just so we can feel what it's like to be on stage again you go and speak easy comedy yeah a little prohibition actually yeah that's awesome is it like uh like could it get shut down is it like technically illegal or or i don't think so this same comedy club i guess had a outdoor show and then the the police department shut them down but that was before the quarantine was lifted so that makes sense um but now you can hang out at least 10 i don't know it's just gonna be for us comics and it's gonna be an open mic and open i haven't done an open mic in a while but they're always that's the worst audiences because they're all comedians so i don't give a shit what you're saying or write down what they're going to say so it'll be

interesting first time back on stage since March you think it's going to be all quarantine material I fucking hope not I'm so over for it with all the like I've been marching and stuff and I'm like fuck quarantine

I forgot about COVID I've been marching with Black Lives Matter marching and stuff and i'm like fuck quarantine i forgot about covid like i've been watching i did a bunch of times where with black lives matter and there was thousands of us in times square kneeling like right next to each other and i'm like if we don't get it yeah did it really ever exist because if the numbers don't spike now yeah somebody's got to do some answers you know we got we got to get some answers on what really fucking happened here because that's the best. Do you think you're going to get it though? Do you think it's going to spike?

I don't know. I don't think so. I mean, everybody, when I was marching, everybody was wearing their masks. My good friend who I've hung out with before and after had it and he has the antibodies now. So I got to get tested to see if I have the antibodies,

you know, it's like one of those tests where you're like, I don't really want to know, but you should. Can you get the antibodies from someone who's had it and lost it? Yes, from what I understand. But all the facts are changing. I have one buddy who had it.

You should make out with him or suck his dick. I was all over him, Christina. He didn't address it. I didn't address it. It was a lot of thigh rubbing. We were actually on a boat, and I was like, oh, man, these waves are crazy. Wow. So you just straight up fucked your friend with COVID.

Yeah. I was just the whole time like, do it for the antibodies, dude. Do it for the antibodies. Yeah, that's why. The antibodies. Yeah, I got to get those sweet, sweet antibodies. So you got this new doc coming out, which I think sounds fucking awesome, by the way. I mean, we have definitely gotten more into the stand-up comedy world with our guests and whatnot on the podcast.

Yeah, we get the best of it because we get the funny people, but we don't have to go on stage and get humiliated. So thanks for doing that. You cheated. That's great. Totally gamed the system. So tell me about it. Funny Pains. Oh, Funny pains uh funny pains it's out it's available for street there's a bunch of platforms that you can stream it on the funnypains.com is the website but a documentary crew had been following around wendy starling who is one of the funniest fucking comedians i've ever witnessed um she i've told her

this and she was like okay cool uh but she's like a chris farley but she's like a skinny chick but she you told a girl that she's a chris farley yeah because it's wendy she can handle it she's very thin um uh she she knows that it's not the but the but the way she commits physically on stage is just something that you can't take your eyes off of so i was glad i was excited to hear that they were following uh documentary who was following around for four years and just capturing everything every part of her life you really this this the doc is a great love letter to starting stand-up comedy new york city um she moved she was in la for a while but it followed us around

it follows around when i was still working at we work WeWork. Like, the last job I ever had was this, like, copier girl at WeWork. And I would use, I had this access key. We would get into all the WeWorks, like, after midnight and rehearse. And so they captured us rehearsing for our monthly show. And they followed her around and talked about all these crazy experiences she's had in her life that were very painful that she's able to go on stage and make fun of her rape make fun of being institutionalized make fun of um sugar having sugar daddy like she just doesn't give a fuck in a way that i've never seen so um and the movie really portrays that very well and then there's a bunch of killer stand-up comedians like rich boss bonnie mcfarlandane, Jim Norton, Andrew Schultz,

Maren Kagani, Amanika Saunders, and Nikki Glaser in it too. And like those people are heavy hitters. Yeah. That's a round tables with them. And that's like a fucking dream. That's, that's another way you could cheat into feeling like a standup comedian is if you host a round table with a bunch of comics, you're just like,

and I understand that. But I was like, this is awesome uh were you uh like you just kind of did an interview in the round table is it like uh i hosted the round tables and then they followed us around because the movie's called funny pain so it's basically taking all of the terrible things that have happened to you in your life and turning them into comedy and uh i I'm just not enough horrible shit has happened to me. Really? Nothing bad? Well, no, trust me. Definitely something bad, but a lot of it's later in life.

I was way too happy during my formative years to be a stand-up. That's okay. That's good. Wait, what happened later? I went through a divorce and a public scandal and all this shit, but by that point, I feel like my brain's already made it kind of is yeah the frontal frontal lobe right i'm all set you guys like

we we just uh we just had tim dillon on our show for the first time and he i mean he and he's thriving right now with the the politicized you know everything is right up his alley but i when we were doing it i found the quote of him where he's like, I was a closeted gay man. My mother is schizophrenic. I started doing cocaine when I was 12. Like he just like rattled off all the shit. And I was like, yeah, I mean, I just don't have any of that stuff. I wish I did.

I wish I was fucked up. Yeah, we were one time. The last the last actually the last stand up show I did was at New York Comedy Club. And I remember being in the green room and we were all going around. We just started telling stories about like how our families are fucked up. And they were talking about their relatives. And I'm like, I had a really close family member try to kill themselves over the phone with me the night before I moved away to college. I win.

And I did. I won it. I won it. We'll lay down their swords. But laughing at, like, being at a really low point and then figuring out a way to laugh at it, that's, like, better than sex almost. That's everything, yeah.

And I feel like once you reach the point, like you're saying with Wendy, like, it's when you don't give a fuck and you can say it openly with a smile on your face or laughing and the audience is kind of like, oh, okay, oh, shit. Like, we can laugh at this? And then it's just, you know, then it becomes the most intriguing, interesting thing ever because you don't get that anywhere else. Everyone else who has those fucked up issues keeps it quiet. They're ashamed of it, whatever it may be.

This is the only place where we can like, yeah, let's laugh about assault and death and all that shit. It's incredible. Yeah, it's the best because that's the thing I've realized as i age is everyone's been through some shit except for you but what uh how's the podcast going is uh you know guys we fucked is is still thriving still killing it yeah guys we fucked is going great it's really fun um corinne and i are both single but we you can't fuck during quarantine so i don't that was my next question like like we were just in the middle of times square with thousands of people like a guy in the in the apartment's not quite so bad well that's yes but then once that happened once we were marching and once like everybody was caring about black lives matter on a global level i was like fuck sex i died later um but during the quarantine part i was

like man i don't i went on a dating app for one day just to see and it was just like it was just bad it was just bad you didn't break quarantine once to get laid oh no i broke quarantine a bunch but it wasn't to get laid priorities i love it yeah trust me if i had an option i would i don't care but yeah i how does the show you said you're both single now how does the show work when you're not single um the same it does that it doesn't matter so we just don't keep having sex with people but most of our guests are not people we've had sex with but because because i've been single um we've had more of a roster of guests than like when i had a i had a three-way with a porn star and an other person. I wasn't a porn star.

A guy. Two guys. And so that was fun. You had a threesome with a male porn star? So two dudes. Yeah, one was a porn star. Damn, girl. Who's that fucking guy who's not a porn star?

Yeah. That dude's got more confidence than I ever have. Did he throw down or did he get totally outshined by the porn star? No, both threw down. Both threw down. The other person is in a similar field as me. And I was very proud of us all. Dude, that's like if you were like, yo, do you want to come play basketball with Michael Jordan?

I'm just going to embarrass myself. I'll go watch MJ play. I'll sit in the corner and fucking eat some popcorn. That happened. I mean, that has got to be. I cannot think of anything that would be a better dose of confidence than to walk out of a porn star with a male another male and have her be like everybody like well done with everybody i would be on cloud fucking 11 000 and i was i couldn't sleep that night i was so happy how is that uh your first time or have you done that often

that was the second time i'd ever done it with two dudes. Um, the first time was, I was like 21 and it was, it was two male models. Actually. I'm crushing. Look at this bitch. Good for me. Um, but,

uh, yeah, cause I was on this show where male models come over and renovate your apartment. It's called hot and handy. It was, I don't know if I never made it on air, but that sounds like it was a porn.

Yeah. You sure that wasn't too porn stars? No, the after party was a porn. Um, yeah, but that was like, was a porn yeah you sure that wasn't two porn stars yeah but that was like i was 21 and uh yeah so that but so that i've only had done that twice how does uh how does that materialize with your buddy and a male porn star um well this guy was like a fuck buddy so and and i'm very because i think post a podcast about sex i'm very open to talking about all i don I don't care. I don't, you know, I'm not shy.

So, so I think it's, things can escalate quicker than normal because I'm not coy about it. Right. And this person is, it wasn't either. So we had been, we had been like sleeping together for a couple months at that point. And yeah. But wait, okay, fine. You haven't introduced the porn star yet. The porn star coming in. He brought it up.

The other person was like, I think he brought it up. Did he bring it up? I don't fucking know. I don't remember. Were you like watching porn with him? No, we never did that. But he brought it up. I brought up a female, female, male three-way.

And then he brought up, he's like, would you ever be interested in doing a male, male, female? I'm like, wait, yeah. Are you? Is that on the table? And he, this person had followed him on Twitter. And so he was like, I want to DM him and ask. And he was like, yeah. I'm like, wait, he said yes. Oh shit.

And then there was this point where the three of us were on a text exchange i never met this guy and i and and the non-corn star guy was like yeah i'm gonna put us on a three-way text and we can like talk like dirty talk or whatever i'm like oh shit this is the best i would love this yeah and i remember being at the all tree cafe above the comedy cellar downtown, asking my friend, like, what the fuck do I say? Two dudes, what the fuck do I say? And I remember reading back the text. I'm like, that was so, it worked at the time.

Yeah. Well, anytime you read back, if you go back to your, like, sexts, and when they're not involving two men and a porn star it's even just regular between a guy and a girl when you when you're not in that mind frame anymore you sound ridiculous like all your sex no sex age well but those I would imagine are even more

yeah Corinne and I have this segment on our live show where we'll it's called sexting theater and we'll get we'll say who's sex here give us your phone we're gonna read do like a theatrical reading of your sex it's the best thing we've ever done that's amazing i've had the exact opposite experience of you once where a girl asked me and a buddy to have a three-way and we were drunk and we were like fuck yeah but we weren't that we weren't together it was like a text chain and then we got sober and dodged a three-way for like a year and a half yeah yeah next weekend next weekend next weekend we'd be like together

like dude you're busy tonight and she kept inquiring she wasn't getting the hint that you were like it was like it wasn't a regular thing like it wasn't like every weekend like hey what's up it's a girl we didn't talk to often. We just happened to be with her one weekend. And then it would occasionally come up every few weeks to few months for maybe three years. We're just like, hey, what are you guys up to tonight? Well, I moved to New Hampshire, and I live in New York. I have a child now I feel like most girls

Average chicks would be Intimidated by that Do you agree or disagree? Oh yeah I was intimidated as hell This guy was ripped All the things I know how it goes I know what a porn guy looks like

I'll tell you what I'm probably more fucking Zoned in on my porn guys than you are, Grandma. Oh, yeah. Really? Oh, yeah. We always joke. You might know him. I could say it publicly because he came on the podcast.

Oh, that's great. Do you know Ryan Driller? That's a great name, though. Let me see. Maybe no. I got to have a face to it. We'll find out. Ryan Driller.

I got to see his dick. Yeah. I'll find out. Ryan Driller. I got to see his dick. Yeah. I'll know the dick. I'll tell you that. Wow, I'm proud of you. Your dick roll index is pretty up. We always say the only time we actually do any searching on a porn, rather than just going down the front page of Pornhub,

if I'm searching something, it's probably a male porn star. Really? Yeah. The guys who I know throw down the way I like. I'm like, I'm going to find him. The girl can change, but he's the one who drives it. I love that.

I love that man love. That's great. Yeah. Also, you just had sex with Jimmy Garoppolo. Yeah, he's very good looking. I don't recognize him. Again, I haven't seen his penis yet, but just by his Google images,

I don't recognize him, but that's Jimmy Garoppolo. He's a very good looking cat yeah he's good looking he played one time he told me he's like i played superman once and i was like and we got fucked by superman well i for the long the way i was trying to not hook up during quarantine but meet somebody because i just like when the quarantine hit i i had ended it with somebody that i was seeing and i was like this isn't this isn't healthy for me for a couple so we're gonna could put a kibosh on it and there was not even anybody i was flirting with so i would go at seven o'clock when they

would clap for the essential workers i live by the hospitals so all the fire trucks would park i'm obsessed with firefighters like devastatingly attracted to firefighters it It's so hack. It's really palpable. When I go past a firehouse, I'm like, it's weird. I will go and bring my puppy and put my puppy in a sweater and be like, look, hang out and die.

That's an episode straight out of Always Sunny. You're using the 7pm nightly ritual to honor first responders putting their lives on the line to try to find some around incredible incredible um you are you know you're an og of this game you've been in it for a long time so i wanted to get your perspective on another podcast in the uh in your realm which was uh quite quite dramatic and a lot of headline news recently um what what were your thoughts on the whole caller daddy situation oh did you see our

parody videos yeah i did yeah um i it was interesting um i didn't corinne had told me about it initially and because i had heard about caller daddy because people tweeted us like oh the caller daddy's they're kind of similar to you. And then we looked in and we were like, oh, it's like Geisy folk, but like we're hot. Fred and I love making fun of ourselves. We love doing characters. So when we started doing those parody videos, I was like I want to make sure I have a grasp of the situation

because we don't want to be mean about it because I don't like them. There's no beef or anything. I don't even know them. But I think they're hilarious. And, but the beef with the, with the IP and, and giving away your IP accidentally is something that happens to a lot of young, young artists, young working people. And so, and the podcast game is so new that actually I really, and it seemed from what I understood of the situation that the Sophia's boyfriend was kind of like butting in yeah and as somebody whose boyfriend butt in like I had a seven-year relationship where he was just like he edited the

podcast and then I like dedicated my portion of my book to him and then when we broke up he tried to sue me for 110,000 dollars and I was like okay so but he would there's moments in that relationship where he would try to be controlling over he would say well when we go on tour next I was like, okay. But there's moments in that relationship where he would try to be controlling over. He would say, well, when we go on tour next, I'm like, we? This is not me. It's Karen and I. What the fuck are you talking about? So I don't know if it's that kind of situation, but I really empathize with that. And just knowing your IP and knowing that somebody had to tell me that it's one of the most important things when you sign a contract that you keep your IP, your intellectual property.

Your ideas are everything. That's what's on the tab. Yeah, well, I mean I think the difference with Barstool is like there's no reason for Barstool to get into it unless they have their ownership and can like – Yeah. So it was kind of like – But it seemed like the owner renegotiated and was going to give them all of that. Yeah, well, that's the thing. Like it wasn't like when we signed them, when Dave negotiated with them, it wasn't like we're going to like steal these girls IP. It was like, here's the deal. If you don't like give us the IP, then we're just not going to do this because we're not going to blow you up and have you just be able to walk away whenever you want.

And they agreed to it initially. And then when they had like incredible success, they were like, well, wait a minute. And that's where it got dicey, where it where it was like well we already kind of made this agreement but yeah dave eventually was like okay here you can have it and they still heard of like i know i'm sitting here i'm on the other side being like you did what motherfucker yeah so that's why when the one one of them walked away from that i'm like really it was like but it was probably the other half no there really is no other half it's like oh really i think they were gonna make at least like 500 000 i think they were getting a raise i think they were getting a higher percentage of their merch and they were getting the ip and she just said no i think what happened was the the boyfriend like went out he

like stuck his neck on the line to get them out of Barstool and onto another podcast network. And the other girl was like, let's stick around. And she was like, wait a minute. Barstool is a great network. Yeah. I mean, I got no complaints. And like especially if I get all my IP and get like a fucking $750,000 salary. So I don't know what the drama was there.

But I mean it took the world by storm for a week. It was like every podcast. Yeah, it was trending on Twitter. I was like, dude. Wild. there, but it took the world by storm for a week. It was like every podcast. Yeah, it was trending on Twitter. I was like, dude. Wild. Yeah, it was wild. But what I always appreciate about you guys is I think if you talk the talk and you walk the walk, you will fuck a porn star on your friend.

It goes down for real. So Guys We Fuck is always going to be a staple in that realm. So we're all going to check out Funny Pains next. It sounds unbelievable. If you're into the standup comic world, that sounds like a, an a list of, of the best of the best.

So good shit. And congrats on the puppy. And I hope you get out there and keep protesting and do your thing, girl. Yeah. Thanks so much. It was good to see you guys. We got it.

I want to get you guys on guys. We fucked. Yeah. I would love that. Hang out right here at a studio. Right. Yeah. I feel like we can kind of do what we used to do yeah okay yeah give me your info later somebody somebody has my email address because i would love to have you guys on awesome thank you so much you boys are fun all right see you later have a good one all right big thank you to christina i mean talk about coming in hot like uh stories about

mushrooms and threesomes and like all sorts of name drops. I mean, that was, she jam packed a lot into that interview. So thank you for that, Christina. Everyone go check out that documentary. And now we'll wrap up today with our boy,

Joe Cooley back, uh, live from his car, which, uh, you got to check the video, but, you'll get the gist of it as well on audio.

Joe Cooley's reveal of what car he's in when I started busting his balls was so fucking, you know what's so crazy about that? He did it, like he didn't realize how like cocky that was. He just kind of did it and we were like, oh, that was awesome. So some great laughs with our boy Joe, who has a new special out that is kind of the culmination of his whole career and the culture of his people that is uh really cool on netflix so check that out and let's talk to him joe coy on ksc radio can is it working or no what the fuck dude there it is jesus christ am i can i get any fucking older?

I don't know, man. Yeah, you can. You're using fucking headphones with cords. Jesus Christ. Okay, let me. All right. Fuck you, first of all. Okay, I've noticed that when I use the earbuds, the audio quality is awful. Sure.

Sure it is, old man. Sure. Wow. Wow. I actually get that. we had howie on yesterday howie mandel and he was in the uh the the airpods and we were talking over each other quite a bit if i'm being honest yeah so there so there how's that what do you uh are you recording in the bentley or the rolls royce or what what are we in here today why why you gotta do that man why it's uh

it's a porsche you motherfucker i think you're gonna be like all right this is embarrassing but i'm in a nissan altima you're in a porsche you son of a bitch that was big i love that joe that was great good for you that fucking arena money is paying off, dude. Yeah, this is the Vegas car. So yeah, thank you, man. I appreciate it. So what's going on with that, by the way? You had relatively recently opened up that restaurant, right?

I'd imagine this was a big struggle. It's hard. Yeah. You brought up a very sad subject because I feel really bad about we can't maintain it, man. It's just it's impossible i i have a uh a restaurant that really counts on people interacting and eating you know they have to serve themselves so uh and it only sits 40 people so you know we you cut that in half it's there's no way it can maintain and plus i've been shut down since the beginning of it it's been three months since i

let the you know my employees go. I feel so bad, man. The first month I took care of them. But then after that, I was just like, I can't, I can't. I mean, I don't think anybody would blame me either. It just gets to a point where it's just literally and financially impossible. But, uh, you know, life's long. I'd imagine you'll be back. You'll be back one day. I will be back.

And I promised them that I will start something up again. And it's just really, it hurt, man. It really hurt. Because there's nothing I could have kept it up by, you know, Joe Coy Entertainment, but that's not the right way to do it. That's not the right move. You can't start messing with your, you know, your core business. You're robbing people to pay Paul.

Next thing you know, both of them are in the hurt shop. And who knew, you know, if you knew for a fact, it was only going to go one more month or something, maybe, but who knows what's going to happen. So exactly. I mean, they're taking forever to open up now. It's just, it's barely, uh, opening up to a restaurant. So yeah, it's, it's crazy. I feel bad for everybody. It's a hard time right now. And I pray to God that everyone gets through this mentally, uh, especially mentally. This is it's it's it's i'm i'm suffering you know what i mean like not being on stage and interacting and doing everything via zoom this is driving me

nuts man i'm so sick of it oh is that better yeah is that a better is that better yeah yeah they're both fantastic i feel like i'm doing a Zoom with my grandpa. Who gives a shit? Are you there, Grandpa Joe? Are you guys okay? Are you guys okay out there? Your grandmother says hello. She loves both of you. That's so true. I talked to my dad. all of you it's so true i did today joe i did a uh a zoom graduation for my four-year-old in pre-k

now i would imagine a pre-k graduation in person is stupid i can assure you over zoom it definitely is oh extremely stupid uh and very traffic causing by the way I don't know if you've seen the other type of graduations where they're doing drive-bys. Bro. Bro. You know what they did to me? On the street, there was one. It was 300 cars down the street. I'm like, yo, fucking give them their diplomas.

Let's go. At the end of this one, they said, all right, the graduation is done. We have some special things. I don't know what the fuck they meant, but some special things outside of the nursery school if you want to drive by and see them. And my daughter looks at me like, what's that about? And I was like, nothing. They didn't say anything. We're not doing that because I don't want to get stuck in one of these goddamn lines.

Dude, in Rhode Island, they're doing drive-through wakes. No. Yeah. You do a drive-thru wake and a Zoom funeral. I didn't go to the drive-thru wake, but I can't imagine. You just wave from your car? That's got to be

impossibly awkward. Especially when you show up with a Porsche like an asshole. Is there a way to do a sad honk? You know how you can do the fun honks? And it's a nice thing do like a sad honk? You know how you can do like the fun honks? And it's like a nice thing? Like a goodbye. Like a goodbye. Boys to men playing in the background.

It's so hard to say goodbye. If we were doing a drive-thru wake for you, let's say you're dead, okay? What song do you want us to play at your drive-thru wake? Oh, man. I would want a hip-hop track yeah yeah we'll bury you in your b-boy uh your old b-boy outfits something no i i want something hard like some dmx x gonna give it to you just a parade it's an anthem you know i mean i i maybe i pop up like they have me strung up and i'm dancing with them. Whatever. Let's make it a memorable event.

It's a fucking drive-thru. I'm going out with a bang, bro. Do you have your stuff? I imagine you have your affairs in order because you're an adult and stuff like that. Do you have what you want to happen for your funeral procession and things like that? Everything is already handled, man. It's all done. What is it?

Everything. And then my son is completely taken care of. It's all done. I die. I'm good then my son is completely taken care of. It's all done. I die. I'm good. It'll be financially taken care of. My son gets everything. That's it, man. I tell him that all the time. I'm like, these Rolexes? I'm borrowing them.

You better ease up on how often you tell him. You let him know once and then that's it. After that, you just fucking start to taunt. But I put my sister, his Anton and I go, you fuck up. We take it all away. Oh, all right. Look at that.

That's smart. If you are convicted of my murder, you get nothing. You get nothing. Do you have any dates? Are you opening back up? I know some place. I think Nate Bargatze is in Nashville. I know Chris DiStefano is going to Tampa.

Are you getting on stage anytime soon? And is it anywhere near home? They're, you know, unfortunately, it's like I think it's the number of capacity they're not allowing. And I already pre-sold those tickets. I gave everyone the option to return. No one's returning them. They're all holding on to them. It's so crazy.

That's a crazy fan base that's that's a very supportful crew it's it's like tripping us out because we've said it we stressed it we're like please you guys you're more than welcome to return these tickets like 100 we're not going to hold you to it no one's returning the tickets man it's so crazy man radio city music hall is still sold out with no date in place. That's fucking awesome. Cocky. That is – you basically – this is some Emperor's New Clothes shit.

You just sold a fucking show that doesn't exist, and then you said, guys, this show doesn't exist. Here's your money back, and they all said no. No. It's a – I mean, beautiful thing, man. Thank God for – I think people just want to laugh, so they're like, I'm not getting rid of this. I think people are also just

fucking lazy. I'd be like, wait, I gotta email someone for 40 bucks? I'd rather just not. Bro, so true. You hit that on the nose, man. You're so right about that, because I ain't returning shit. I buy a new shirt and it doesn't fit, guess what? It's a gift.

I have a full wardrobe for someone who's just a little bit smaller than me. I have my medium drawer and it's just full of fucking things that are medium, all different types of clothes, medium size that I'm never going to be able to wear again.

It either becomes a gift or you clean windows with it. I don't give a fuck. I'm not returning it. So what else is cooking? There's no date in place right now. I feel so bad. The next one I have is August.

It's at Thunder Valley is where it's at. But we still got to figure out how they're going to do this social distancing thing. You know what I mean? It's all about the safety first, man. I'm willing to wait it out and make sure we do this right instead of doing it fast and wrong.

You don't want to do it 25% competitive. You want to do full boat. Yeah, full boat. And not only that, I want people to be healthy and comfortable, man. I don't want anyone nervous. So, you know, I can tell you guys are really doing it you're what are you two and a half feet apart no fucking the cameras in our studio aren't working right now so we just have to sit here it's whatever it's whatever joe all right i know i

hear you man i don't give a fuck about the mask it's right here and i only wear when someone looks at me weird i'm like all right fucking here there. Dude, let me tell you what. You know where you'd fit in real well? The place I just got back from, West Virginia. They look at you like you're a fucking Democrat if you're wearing a mask. They are like, what is this blue state son of a bitch doing in my Applebee's? That's exactly West Virginia. West Virginia is like, if you want to eat eat here You need to take that fucking mask off You better cough on me

It's in my mouth Yeah we're making ribeyes a special We got extra COVID on it tonight Dude I ate at Applebee's For real I was there for like 30 hours I don't know something like that Ate at Applebee's three times That's all we ate

Ate at Applebee's three times at a gas station once. Oh, that's so funny. And Applebee's in West Virginia is like the Morton Steakhouse in West Virginia. Yeah, that's fine dining. Yeah, that's fine dining, man. I'll be honest. It was quite good. The Buffalo Wings, which I haven't had Applebee's.

Me and Kevin are actually technically banned from Applebee's from an incident stemming back to about six, seven years ago. Of course. Chili's for life. Fuck Applebee's. But this was my back to about six, seven years ago. Of course. Chili is for life. Fuck Applebee's. But this is my first time sneaking back into the establishment. And I had the buffalo wings or barbecue wings or whatever. I mean, the texture of the sauce is good. It's delicious.

It's just like it's dipped in a barbecue-flavored glue. That's so funny. And it sticks to your insides just like it. Their barbecue sauce is made by Elmer's and it's delicious. You can like feel it in your mouth. This is way too thick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what this wing needs?

Less chicken and more glue. We went to Maine. We were in Applebee's. went to uh the tobogganing championship we had like five hours to kill in between like rounds of tobogganing anyway we go to the applebee's and we just post up at the bar and they have like a rule it's like six drinks six drinks total we were there for like six hours though so it was like we weren't like shit-faced or anything and And they were like, they have the cameras. They're watching us.

You've been cut off. And we kind of made a stink about it. Well, what we did, what really pissed them off, it was like most Applebee's. It was in the parking lot of our hotel. So we went back to our room, changed clothes, thinking this will fucking dupe those Applebee's employees. They were wise to us.

Oh, they were on to you. Right away, though. You guys are done for life. Applebee's are your fans. That's so funny. We know who were on to you. Right away, though. You guys are done for life. Applebee's are done. That's so funny. We know who you are with the nose and the funny mustache. Give me the twirl, John. I don't have my wax.

I can twirl it up. It's fucking unreal. He's been doing like a cartoon bad guy with the mustache. It's so weird. It takes 30 seconds to do. But you wake up and you're like, well, I don't want to do it today. It's a whole 30. It's a 30-second thing that I'm not used to having in my routine, and I just brush it off most of the time now.

Plus, you don't do it because you're fucking lazy. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I could cure cancer with these extra 30 seconds if I don't just do my mustache. What kind of quarantine guy were you? Were you in your pajamas all day? I could see you a guy who like gets up and gets changed and like tries to live a real life no no no i was doing literal uh literally i was doing zoom meetings uh like yogi bear like like uh uh oh like we need a poo like a red shirt and then just completely naked on the

bottom half and i didn't give a shit there was a couple of meetings where I was actually touching my dick and I didn't give a shit. If you talk to Joe in the last three months, his dick was out. Yeah. Just playing with my dick in an important meeting and then every now and then I take a smell and like, yeah. Agreed. I agree.

Very important. Very important. God, I got to watch my nuts. We had one meeting where I called in, because this is such a thing that happens now, where conference calls, you have to see each other. So I called in, and they're like, hey, John, we're all here if you want to come in. And I was like, I fucking guess. You don't need to see me at this meeting, but whatever.

So I jump in, and I was laying down on the couch. So I sat up, opened my was laying down on the couch. So I sat up, opened my laptop, fucking joined the Zoom, and then like 10 minutes into the meeting, I looked down and saw I was just wearing underwear. And it was with like all the executives of our company who were all women. And then the rest of the call,

I was just like, don't stand up. Don't stand up. Don't stand up. Don't stand up. Don't stand up. Because once you realize that, I was like,

my dick is just going to be right in everyone's face. And that's a whole problem I don't even know. That's so funny. I wish you would have stood up. I wish you, I was like, my dick is just going to be right in everyone's face. That's a whole problem I don't even know. That's so funny. I wish you would have stood up. I wish you would have been like, hey, I got to get a cup of coffee. I'll be right back. And just balls hanging out of his shorts.

So as bad as it's all been, we've been reiterating how good it is for business, at least, when you got a special out and people are at home on Netflix and they're binging and watching and you got In His Element out, right? Yeah, man. This was very special to me, mainly because it was so hard for me to get into Netflix. I told you this story. I had to pay for it.

There was a lot of obstacles in front of me, so just to get in was really hard. So this was that one opportunity where i had the door open and it was my chance to help fellow filipino americans uh get in you know what i mean showcase their talent and then bring them to uh the philippines where it all started and and and like show our culture and give back like give back to my culture that gave me so much i make so much money talking about being filipino this is my turn to actually show people you know how beautiful that country is and how how just beautiful my culture is man that's what this was all about i'm so fucking jealous of you

like i i haven't had a chance to watch it yet i've been driving from home from western virginia all day today but i saw the trailer and like the trailer was so fucking awesome when you come out i want to share my culture with you. And you show the B-Boys, you have cooking. You said, I think you have some singers come out. Yeah. Now, don't get me wrong. White guys, we've had it pretty fucking good.

We got no culture. But we have no culture. I have nothing to share with you. Like, the only, like, Italians pretend to have culture, but they just call pasta sauce gravy and say the N-word. And that's all they have. And the rest of us don't have anything. I have no culture to share with you.

And it's beautiful. The trailer kind of reminded me of a stand-up special meets Bourdain. And I'm one of those rare people who are a big Bourdain guy. And it was so fucking cool. I'm so jealous. That's exactly what I pitched in the meeting man i swear to you when i was in netflix i go i want this to feel like anthony bourdain i want like like like the you know feel like a travel log you know what i mean and get to know like i get 59 minutes and it's just my chance to like like just say one dish

like one filipino dish that we like to eat And if I could just let them hear our language just for one minute, you know what I mean? And then just see us tell jokes in front of a, you know, complete Filipino audience and we're speaking English and they're understanding it. As long as I can show that to the world, it like, that's my way of saying thank you to my mom. You know what I mean? Like this is her way of going, you know, like, like when people, like when we, when I was growing up, people would always go, Oh, you're Filipino. What do you guys eat? Where, where is that? Like, I never had anything. If I had a Japanese friend, like the minute they go, I'm Japanese. Someone would go, Oh my God, I love sushi. Summarize. You know, they had,

they had like an identity. You know what I mean? Yeah, but guess what? It's you, bro. When people say Filipino, I'm like, Joe Coy. Thank you, bro. And then, you know, I, I just, but guess what? It's you, bro. When people say Filipino, I'm like, don't quit. Thank you, bro. And, you know, I just, I'm telling you, man. It was like, literally, that was my heart out there. You know, I took a huge risk and a cut to do it. And I hope I was able to at least show it the way, in a beautiful way.

With the amount of money and time that we had to do it. Would you say, do I sound, is that okay? What I said? Yeah. I mean, there's plenty, plenty more for you to come. You know, you're in the middle of your, like your career here, but would you say this is like, uh, at the, at the moment, like the pinnacle for you being able to do that? Yes, man, it was, it was a dream come true. This is a childhood dream of mine. You know, you know, I used to live in the Philippines. I lived there for six years.

So just all the memories I had when, when I got off the plane with my son, like it was just like, I was like a little kid in a candy store. Like I couldn't wait to show my son all the things I enjoyed when I was out there, like riding the tricycles and riding the jeepneys and eating at the sorry, sorry stores. And just, it was, it was so much fun. And I got to show that, man,

I got to show that on screen with my son. He came out on stage at the end. That was beautiful. Oh, and my sister and my sister, my aunt cooked in the cooking segment. So that was my aunt. That was like, yeah, man, like, that's my aunt. Like, it's so dope, dude. And she's got cancer and she's fighting it and she's so strong. And I remember while we were shooting, I kept saying, Ate, you can go home. Like, she's like, no, I want to do this. I want to do this. And I was like, it was just so much emotion in that thing, man. That was, I think you had on Instagram, you had up like a hype video maybe or something like that where like the, actually it might have been a straight up video

where like the cops were giving you an escort. Was that there? Was that for that? Dude, that was so crazy. Yeah. You getting police escorts, Joe Coy? Yeah, man. I'm sorry, bro. Yeah, that was cool like two weeks ago. Now you're part of the problem. That's privilege, man. That's privilege. So wrong. um yeah it was it was pretty cool man that they

had to do that for me i had to get to a an event and and they got me there and and the way they did it was just it was really cool when you when you roll through there is it like you know is it a big deal i mean when you're home is it like the fucking beatles yeah i mean it's pretty it's pretty crazy how much they've been, you know, they embraced me and, and, you know, I think what the, you know, Filipinos are very prideful and it's like, you know, it's, it's when you get your chance to be able to let the world know, Hey, I'm Filipino. Look, Manny Pacquiao, that's us. You know what I mean?

We take that to our heart. You know, it feels good when you can do something like that. So just, just me like being my mom on stage and doing the accent they love it you know and and me just talking about Filipino culture it's like so proud so they really like put me on their shoulders man it's it's a beautiful thing are you cool with Manny you know the craziest thing is I only met Manny once and it was like 15 years ago and um and uh, and, uh, you know, I've never like talked to him since my career started.

And then after live from Seattle dropped, his whole family started following me on Instagram. It was the fun. It was the coolest notification when it said Manny Pacquiao follows you. I was like, Oh, I mean, I'm glad to hear. I feel like every time we talk to you, it's bigger and better things. So I can tell how important it is to you. And I know how emotional of a guy you are.

So I'm sure it translates in the special. And I hope that when everyone watches it, they realize, you know, really what went into it. So everybody go check it out. In His Element is out. I love you, man. Thank you. I really like Barstool. Barstool, you guys always take care of me, man. Dude, you've got me through a, some, I can't tell you how much Barstool I've been looking at right now. I'd love to take a screenshot of my hours on, on, on Instagram, but literally, I think it's like 75% is just Barstool.

Just scrolling up Barstool. It's just nonstop, man. I love you guys so much, KFC, man. Talk to you soon, all right, pal? I love you. I love you, too. I always say, I never leave an I love you unanswered. I love you, too.

But I do, too, Joe. You didn't say it. That's a piggyback. You know what? I don't love you. Fuck you, Joe. You didn't say it. That's a piggyback. Fuck you, Joe. Fuck you. I love you guys. Out of me I bring them to the life It's only right This is The soundtrack to my life

The soundtrack to my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life Yeah

Uh-huh Yeah Uh-huh Getting the love Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.