KFC Radio - Life As A Caveman, Bomb The Hurricane, and Dome The Forest

Episode Date: August 27, 2019

KFC and Feits solve the hurricanes and forest fires and rant about Florida. Do you realize how much money people donated to the Church after the Notre Dame fire? How do birds have sex? Disney+ is bringing back weekly episodes. Patriot porn (not the football team). Schools should be BYOS. Where are gorilla dicks? Interstellar, Reign of Fire, and Angel Has Fallen. Voicemails include: Life As A Caveman, Train Your Dog, Retweet NudesYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio. Today's episode is brought to you by Roman. If you're watching on Gold right now, I'm popping open a new Roman swipe. Barstoolgold.com slash KFC. Look at these little babies. They look like the little moist towelettes when you're done eating your buffalo wings.

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It's as easy as that. I just give it a little wipe. It smells like something that's doing something. It smells. Yeah, it's very clean. It's very like very like alcohol it's very this is like you're at the doctor's office it's all very sanitary all very clean and what it does is it desensitizes your dick i don't want to use the word numb because numb would imply that like the sex is not going to be enjoyable i can't get it back in uh but this is like it's gonna just desensitize

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G-E-T-R-O-M-A-N dot com slash KFC. Get your swipes for just five bucks. Start swiping it up today. uh big episode of kfc radio because we always try to like balance listening to feedback with uh you know following our own gut and listening to fans while also not letting them decide exactly what we do but i've been hearing a lot especially when we're doing the live shows, a lot of people, their favorite part of the show was when it was just me and John. And we've done a lot of guests recently for, let's say, a year, year and a half. And a lot of times we've heard some feedback that their favorite moments and some of our

favorite moments when we're recording always come when it's just me and John Henry over here. So we're going to kick it old school. It's just me and Johnny today. We got a boatload of voicemails because usually by the time we end up doing voicemails, you get to like three or four. And then we do a couple of guests. Not today. This is old school KFC radio. Bunch of voicemails.

Me and this idiot over here. Hi. And you talk we listen so old school ksu radio on deck we're gonna uh we're gonna get to some weird sports stories we'll get into the voicemails first off we begin with a little adolescent adolescent which ever has you know every single day those lines get blurred and i don't know who's who you know it used to be very clear who was the dad and who was the adolescent and now it's a coin flip really. It depends on what weekend

is what. I think this weekend we were both adolescent. I think this weekend we were both adolescent. Well, didn't you go to the Mets game? Yeah, but you were pretending to be a dad and I was a dad. I didn't end up going to the Mets game, but I was watching it that night. That was like my night off.

I had the kids Friday and Sunday. So a little bit of both at all times, which is why, I don't know, we're like ships in the night or something like that, where we're like we're both regressing into a spot where we eventually just become one and the same. Finally. It's been a long time on the other side. Yeah, well, I mean, I went – you've been steady. what imagine finally like yeah it's been a long time on the other side yeah well i mean i went

you you've been steady you've been like uh just like aging steadily and i kind of went like warp speed into dadhood and married life and now i'm like regressing back and coming to meet you here okay you feel me yeah and eventually, when you're married and have kids, and I'm, like, divorced, maybe back in another relationship or remarried or something, then we'll, like, meet in the middle somewhere, just being idiots. What a day that will be.

Oh, imagine that. That will be something. That'll be, like, an interstellar-type moment or some shit, some Inception shit. Never seen the movie, but I hear good things. Really? Yeah. Why not?

I don't know. I suppose. I mean, you know, you I hear good things. Really? Yeah. Why not? I don't know. I suppose. I mean, you know, you like movies. You got nothing going. You got nothing doing in your life. I think I heard it. I love it. I think a lot of nerds actually don't like it for some reason.

It's long, right? It's like three hours. It's long, but I mean, I think it's like high twos, which is long. But like, I mean, every, so it's probably fucking Fast and the Furious these days. Well, let's, no. No. No. Don't even bring up great films while we're talking about Interstellar.

I think Interstellar is, but I mean, I'm heavy on time travel. I love space. And that movie's right up my alley. I thought, do you like Interstellar? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Nick, do you like Interstellar? Yeah, it's one of my favorite movies.

Okay, me too. It's one of my favorite movies like ever. All right, I'll watch it sometime this week. Watch it tonight. Nah, I got Angel Has Fallen tonight. It's a big night. That's out already? Yeah.

I saw that review that was like trashing on the whole Has Fallen series. Oh, I mean, it was a crazy time. I thought that was like we had another month to go. They really just were like, all right, this is coming out. No, it's out tonight. Next week. Is it the first showing? I've never seen it. It's a Monday drop? No, no, no. It came out this weekend but i was okay i was like boy no boy you're not doing these guys any favors no i've heard great things about

this movie i think i think what's gonna happen and i actually think that i think this is going to retroactively make the whole i think this is going to propel it almost like fast five where it's already a franchise no doubt but i think again having not seen it i think this is going to propel it almost like Fast Five. It's already a franchise, no doubt. But I think, having not seen it, I think this will be the one that makes everyone go, okay, so these are just fun movies. I think the thing that's going to hold it back, because I watched Olympus

and London Has Fallen yesterday. I think what will potentially hold it back is they say fuck a lot. I'm surprised how often they said fuck. So I think maybe kids won't do it. Fast and kids go see and stuff like that i don't know if kids would go see this and it's a little also don't they make this one seem like uh gerard butler's like he's like framed for this one right yeah yeah so that that to me kind of feels like it might be like a final one no like where the good guy all of a sudden is like being portrayed as the bad guy

well he was framed dominic torrento's been framed oh yeah oh yeah yeah i know he had to fight his way out of it but he gets out by the end of the movie uh i would like people to accept the fact that not necessarily framed good uh like action movies right like i feel like gerard butler you know he's they call him like poison at the box office and shit and i think that's because they like view the world like viewed him as like he's trying to be something he's not. Whereas if they just accept him as Vin Diesel, he's awesome. Yeah. I mean, he's, like –

You know what it is? You know what the problem is? It reminds me of Russell Crowe. I can kind of see that. And then – and he's not Russell Crowe. Right. You know? There are just so many lines in the movie that are just, like – they're so meathead that it's just fun.

It's awesome. In the Fallen franchise? Yeah. Like, geez, what do they make you out of? they're just like they're they're so meathead that it's just fun it's awesome in the fallen franchise yeah like like what would geez what do they make you out of bourbon and beer i mean a bourbon and pork and then they have like uh so yeah that that that's what you say that because what do you name your son brendan which is like his name or i forget is the president's name uh but it's he's like yeah maybe if he's a girl and then there's another one where he's like late in a battle and he comes out of the closet to save them. And he says, I was wondering when you were going to come out of the closet.

I mean, it's amazing. See, that's the thing, though. It's so baseline meathead. I don't think of it as a Fast and the Furious movie where they're just doing this shit on purpose. But they are. So as soon as people realize that. And then the real appeal of this is that much like the names. It's definitely patriot porn, too.

Like America. Hardcore America. then the real appeal of this is that much like the names it's definitely patriot porn too yeah like like america hardcore america i mean in london has fallen there's just a whole scene where he's beating up the bad guy being like i'm america and you're not yeah yeah like here's what you people don't understand it's not about a flag it's not about a person people like you've been trying to kill us for a thousand years and a thousand more years we'll still be here it's so corny or something like that i don't know i'm just paraphrasing but it's like it's so over the top like i'm america that it's like it's funny and just like a good time like i look i could you kind of roll your eyes out if we're kind of like you know what man fucking fun in here i also think if they can make like 10 of these and they just have to start coming up with fallen things.

Yeah. Like, you know, fucking like Ibiza has fallen. I don't know. Goddamn. Australia's fallen next to who? Fuck. The moon has fallen. I love what they do in Florida. Like London is falling.

Where'd they all get guns? Like you can only do stuff like this in America. We're the only fucked up country that allows this shit. How's everyone have a gun here? That would be funny. Even the speech, you don't understand mass shootings. We keep doing them.

Just like, there's one in London has fallen. I forget who it is. Secretary of State or something like that is getting dragged out to what they imagine is to go get killed, to go kill the hostage. And she like like you know uh kill the hostage and she's like i pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america it's like this is the best it's so ridiculous but i i heard i heard i've heard this this uh explained as like it's the best one of the film of the series i've heard described as perfectly competent dad cinema which like that is what's up right like that's that's i feel like

people will be like okay these are just like just fun movies that we'll do 10 of them fuck who gives my father should be the focus group or whatever like it should just be him hollywood should sit down with my dad and play a movie and be like, would you watch this on a Saturday afternoon while your wife is yelling at you to do chores? Would you pause this like 60,000 times? It takes my dad an entire 12-hour day to watch one movie while my mom bothers him. And if the answer's yes, you got yourself a heater, man.

He was trying to watch the Christian Bale dragon movie. I don't even know what you're talking about. Rain of Fire, I want to call it. It Christian Bale dragon movie. I don't even know what you're talking about. Rain of Fire, I want to call it. It's such a bad movie. So bad. It's Christian Bale and somebody else. There's like another big star in it.

Oh, wait. Is it the one with Nicola Costa Waldo? Jamie Lannister is in one of those. He might have been in Gods of Egypt. It's the one with the giant dragons. Well, Gods of Egypt, I think, has dragons too. I don't know. Jamie Lannister's in one of those. He might have been in Gods of Egypt. It's the one with the giant dragons. Well, Gods of Egypt, I think, has dragons, too. I don't know. Yeah, it's like the dragons have laid dormant for like a thousand years.

Now they're coming back. It's McConaughey. McConaughey. It's Christian Bale and McConaughey and dragons, and it stinks. And Gerard Butler. Right. Okay. Yeah. I mean, and it's so bad, but I was like, this is fucking cool.

And my dad was trying to watch it, and this was like a month ago. And I feel like I totally ruined it Saturday because I brought my kids over. And when me and my mom are scrambling to keep the kids alive, Keegan's almost playing with fire, and Shay's almost falling on the stairs, and we're running around. My dad's just sitting on the couch watching TV. I'm like, she's going to yell at you so hard, dude. So hard. So he just kept pausing this dragon movie the whole time.

That was, it was that. And then, but prior to that, it was Last of the Mohicans for about 25 years straight. My dad has watched Last of the Mohicans 500 times. More? I mean, this has been going on since I was like 10. Yeah. He just watches it every saturday like like at all times at all times and last the mohicans had a run there where it was on one of

the the premium channels like every day you know like there's just certain movies you see in the rotation all the time it's a great movie have you seen it uh no it was on like a sports bus it's a little too old like but it's some hardcore shit daniel day lewis fucking uh native americans like has actual native americans like ripping your fucking heart out and ripping your scalp off and shit hardcore shit uh scalping is fucking tough i watched inglorious bastards yesterday scalping is when they if it's a movie where they show it it's tough to see where you hear like and it's like you're ripping carpet up but it's actually someone's hair off their fucking skull yikes stripes so shout out to my dad he was trying to do that again and

she just she just doesn't let him sit down like you should just get a divorce dude i don't know how you lasted this long it's like he's going on like 10 times as long as I lasted. That's crazy. So, anyway, that kind of falls in line with adolescent to adolescent. You guys went down to Orlando. You did the Bud Light tailgate from Miami, Florida. Yes.

And you also did a little mush family vacation. You and Mama Casey and Baby Mush. He's so goddamn... I love martin bush man i i i got a kick out of you trying to do the knee thing that he does i don't get it i still don't get it that by the way that's how crazy the weekend was i mean shout out to me for a shout to you you deserve all the credit in the world i mean i didn't complain once oh that's not the report i got oh i mean publicly oh publicly oh i mean everyone

around me i was insufferable but i didn't tweet anything right yeah no i mean i mean with just the way it started we were on a we were at the airport from our first was we at 6 p.m we left at midnight it was and it was while i do give you credit i also uh i am just and i know dan does this as like a running bit like making fun of them but like if you tweet at the airlines and shit, I hate your guts. I hate you. Yeah, there's nothing they can do. There's nothing the Twitter account can do. I hate them.

But it was one of those. I wouldn't tweet at them being like, fix this. I'd just be like, this fucking sucks. Yeah, here's what's happening in my life. But it wasn't even one of the good delays where you're in the airport. We were on the plane. We were on the runway. Oh, that's brutal.

I actually like getting delayed in the airport sometimes. love it i i prefer it if i get to the bar and can't delay my flight four hours unbelievable i like certain airports i'm out on atlanta but other airports like like there's a one in laguardia where there's like a steakhouse like i've sometimes i'm gonna have this like a steak dinner now like i'll have like a bottle of wine it's actually kind of enjoyable but it did i i didn't complain because I will say it really wasn't bad. It was frustrating. But even like sitting on the plane, I just watched the end game. Watched the whole end game.

During the delay? Yeah. Holy shit. Because there's a plane. Could you imagine the world back when there was no like. You just have to sit there. Just sit there. Just stare at the seat.

I've learned that a lot. I mean, the only complaints I've had recently is how my phone often dies. but I'm like – and that's why I always go end up buying a charger because I just can't not be stimulated anymore. But I don't care about travel, traffic, delays, any of it anymore. And I think it's a combination of – I was like, look, if you sent me home or if we were flying, I'd watch Endgame. Maybe in a little more comfortable chair, certainly a bigger screen. That's about it. I think it's a combination.

As I've gotten older, I think it has to do with getting older and your mentality changing and getting older and technology changes. Because I used to dread commuting. And I think it was because I was was gonna get home and do something fun so i was like i'm late i got you know i'm at work late tonight and now there's a delay on the train what am i going to do and it's like well now i'm just going home to do nothing and b while i'm sitting on that train or that delayed whatever i'm just on twitter i'm on social media i'm on instagram doing exactly what i was going to be doing. Same thing in the car. It's like I have on whatever podcast, whatever radio show,

whatever music sitting in traffic. I've always, wherever I'm going, wherever I'm going, like if I'm late, I guess if I was late to a real job, it'd be like a problem. But if I'm like,

if I was driving into work for some reason, there's traffic. I'm like, I don't know, whatever. I'll be in like an hour late, not a huge deal. And when I'm going home,

I'm like, ah, when I get there, I get there. It's kind of liberating. I don't care about delays, traffic, waiting, lateness, stuck, being stuck somewhere. I don't care about any of it anymore. I kind of said that I think on radio last week where I'm very, very good at saying this is out of my control why am i going to stress about this i've always been that way with traffic where it's like like we'd be sitting in the car and my mom be freaking out my mom who cares there's there's literally nothing we can do yeah why

why are we getting i've also too like anything under like two hours now is like like i looked at some traffic the other day to go to jersey was 90 minutes and i was like geez that's like double what it should be i was like so what all right so now i'm gonna get there at like 7 45 instead of seven or whatever the time you know it's like doesn't matter but there's literally doesn't matter unless there's like you know something very important or there's a start time at seven doesn't matter but most of your life doesn't matter it's very liberating why do. Why do you value the, like, well, I can't possibly do it. We'll wait until traffic dies. My dad would do that.

Yeah, wait until later. We'll get up at 6 a.m. or we'll leave at night. What does it matter, man? Well, I can see. We're going to save a half hour. If you're dealing with little kids in the car, I can see, like, we can't be trapped in this car for, like, five hours. We've got to go at, like, the middle of the night.

I can get that. But if it's just you or whatever, late to uh insignificance doesn't matter whatever you're about to do it's not important it's not and especially whatever i'm about to do is not going to be that fun so it's just like it's basically you can't miss like a wedding i mean a funeral no one really cares no and you know what it is like everything being on know what helps? Everything being on demand, too. It's like, I've got to get home for the start of this show, and if you miss it, you miss it. Now it's like, all right, well, I've got a recording, or I'll watch it on demand the next day, or whatever it may be.

There's just no reason not to. Speaking of that, I'm going to change gears here real quick. Sure. We'll go back to Florida. Marvel, Disney Plus. Big deal. Has announced their whole lineup. Their streaming service, right?

Their streaming service. I think it looks awesome. It looks incredible. We saw all the actors. Wait, Disney Plus brought to you by Brooklinen. That's the other thing, too. I know as I get home at night, like no matter what time it is, I'm crawling into my Brooklinen sheets.

You know, Brian, I went to bed last night. The sun was still out. I went to bed at 7.45. I mean, that's amazing. I almost got a full 12 hours in. I had slept more than two hours in a row in like three months. At least. Yeah.

What do you do? Just every two hours. How do you guys do this? My daughter wakes up every two hours. I know you're not doing it willingly. I meant, why do you do this as in have the children? I didn't think that was going to happen. I was like, eventually they should just sleep, right?

Why would they not sleep? I ran them into the ground. So I had them and we were going home and there was a full-blown meltdown. Shay was just screaming, crying. She was just a stream she was just stream of consciousness whatever came into her head she was crying and i was like what is it she's like i don't want to go to swim lessons and i was like you don't have to go to that for like three days

there's no swim lessons imminent she's like but where is my pacifier like just whatever was coming into her brain she was crying about so i knew she was just like so overtired throw keegan in his bed get him to sleep throw her in his and her bed she finally goes down and i just i went to full blown to sleep like not like i got into bed or i was winding down i turned the lights off i charged my phone i like pulled the covers over my head and i was out the sun was literally still like it was just about to go down and i was cur curled up in the Brooklinen. And I was like, this is only going to last a couple hours. Like one of them is going to wake up soon. But for the next couple hours with my new Brooklinen sheets,

with the Brooklinen duvet covering up my comforter. You love that thing. I love it, dude. And like the fresh – I'm really big on the pillowcases because as we've discussed, you know, if you have ugly gross pillows, it can really be a turnoff. So I have like some crisp white pillows over pillowcases over my, uh, cooling pillow. That's the best combo in the game. The cooling pillow with the Brooklyn in pillowcase heaven. You rest your head on that. Your ears are all like cool. You know, when you got hot ears, uh, hot ears are the worst Brooklyn in on the cooling got hot ears? The hot ears are the worst. Brooklinen on the cooling pillow. It's the best sheets

in the game. You can order a whole set right now. It comes with the top sheet, the fitted sheet, the pillowcases, and if you want, you can get the duvet. You get 10% off with free shipping when you use the promo code KFC. Go to Brooklinen.com promo code KFC.

It's B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N dot com promo code KFC with a Brooklinen.com promo code KFC. It's B R O O K L I N E N.com promo code KFC. And they get a lifetime warranty. They also got towels, which I know you, you said you needed. I need some new towels. I always, I've got,

I'm walking with beach towels right now. I feel like if I were to have company and be like, you know, here's a beach towel getting out of the shower, I wouldn care but i could see you know the fairer sex maybe being like what the fuck is this about so i got to get myself some brooklinen towels too all brooklinen everything at brooklinen.com promo code kfc what do you got on disney plus uh i was wondering what you think of um so this is just Netflix but all Disney properties, right? Yes.

But I have a feeling – I have a hunch that when I start to see the list of Disney properties that it goes even way deeper than I realized. I think they're going to have 500 episodes on it ready to go and like – Episodes? Yeah, they have all these new shows coming out. Interesting. All Marvel shows. I mean, they have a lot of other things,

but they have like, so wait, so new programming is going to be on Disney plus. Yeah. Oh yeah. See, that's already, I'm thinking like,

all right, so you have all the Disney cartoons and you have like, you know, the Marvel movies, but they're going to come out with original shit. That's. And I saw someone being like, I don't know if it was a producer or whatever.

That was quote tweeting someone being like, I can't believe they're putting X as a show it feels bigger than that or something like that and his quote it was like i like nip this narrative in the bud right now these shows are movies yeah and see i love that and he's and they will be like they will seamlessly be able to transition from the show to the cinema and back there was always a rumor that Feige hated the Netflix shows like Daredevil and Jessica Jones. I think it was because he wasn't running them. He didn't like that you're using all the

characters, guys. Now he's overseeing everything. Give me an example. Loki's going to get its own show. Is it WandaVision? Is Eternals a show, is that a show?

WandaVision. Is Eternals a show or is that a movie? Uh, Eternals is a movie. Eternals is a movie, okay. I mean, they might start doing,

and then you never know what I think will spin into. And then She-Hulk is a show. I think She-Hulk, yeah, She-Hulk is a show, yeah. And then,

there were, I saw a bunch of them last night, but the reason I brought it up isn't to talk about that because we're not super well versed in that stuff. What I want to bring up about it is they will be going back to weekly shows. I did see your tweet about that.

I love that. Love it. Love it. Love it. Me too. Thank you, Disney+. Thank you, Feige. I think especially if they're going to have as many titles as they do have, if you could give me one every night so that I do have like a full full week's worth of shit but i have to go week

to week i love it it's it's uh thank god someone's done it and i saw people saying hulu i think hulu does first of all hulu is a disney property as well hulu does the like three three at a time right yeah so i at least with the handmaid's tale they did that i think i think they did that with um what's that that uh munchausen Syndrome one? Not sure. The one that Dr. Phil was promoting, something like that with something rose. Anyway, whatever the point. But I know we kind of had our fling with it, but that was like with the whole binge drop stuff. We had a fun fling.

Yeah, let's get back to the way it was meant to be. It's so much better weekly. Well, I actually like a mix of the two I think there are certain shows that I would like to bang out I think there are certain shows Or I don't even know if it's certain shows I just want to have a couple that I can binge And a couple that I have to do weekly And I think it's a good healthy balance

That's fair When Peaky Blinders comes out I want to watch it all See I think I'd rather watch it weekly That to me is like, there's only six, right? There's only been six per season. And I'm just used to binging that. And I just want to bang it out. I like it just from content.

I like that we get to be able to review shows. It's like when they drop and it's just like, oh, has everybody binged it yet? Do we need to wait? You can wait the appropriate time. Well, you know what? I actually think, too, at least for me, like, my, like, life, current life situation depends on, like, if I am, if I'm seeing someone or if I'm, like, living with someone, I like binging. It's like a thing. Like, we're going to, like, hole up on the couch and we're just going to, like, bang out a whole season.

If I'm, uh like just solo i think week to week is better for me does that make sense like i think like depending on how and who i'm watching with decides whether i'm gonna binge or watch regularly i think that makes sense but it's just it's undoubtedly better just the the build-up for it is so much better the content is better you can understand the show more where you there's more time to read about it about it stuff like that like i i just i i thought about when i was watching mindhunter right i did mindhunter in 24 hours and it's gonna be over it's gonna be two years until i see i know i know that's that's crazy it almost it forces you to have the self-control you don't

have so that this lasts a little longer it's not even self-control because it's almost like if I had the access and everyone else had to watch it one way, then that's one thing. But what am I going to watch? I'm going to just schedule myself for weekly viewings? That's fucking crazy. You're going to get spoiled, plus it's just ridiculous to like...

If I had all the episodes and everyone else was watching weekly, I would have the self-control for that because it would make sense that I watch it with other people. But I'm not watching it with anyone still. Even if I have the self-control to do it sparingly there's no one i'm sharing that experience with which i think is what tv is all about where you're like i'm alone but i'm not

alone well how about this how about uh being able to like all new shows need to be released into weekly but everything in syndication can be binged at all times 100 yeah and as soon as that you know done yeah put it bingeable right as soon as that, you know, done. Yeah. Put it bingeable. Right. As soon as the She-Hulk finishes, they wrap their eight episodes, 10 episodes, whatever it is.

Boom. Here's all 10. Yeah. It's like HBO. Right. You get it weekly. And then once. And, and cause really think about it.

I mean, Game of Thrones was like, and it ended up sucking, but it was like, it became a cultural phenomenon because of the discussion surrounding it and the supplementary materials that go around it. And you just can't come up with those things when everyone's watching on their own time and everyone's doing it all in

basically let's call it 72 hours yeah i mean if you're a diatribe max it's it's i again i did three episodes of mind hunter and then six episodes of mind hunter and that was it i'm done with it tonight i'm banging out that chape-up. I've got so much to do tonight. I've got Chappelle, I've got Angelus Falling, I've got to watch. I started The Boys on HBO, on Amazon. I like that, too. You've got a little Bachelor in Paradise, too, John. Nah, I'm out of that. Two hours. You gave up? Yeah. I did maybe two episodes

of that. I don't know. It's fine. It's just, I don't know. You never had a shot. I don't even know why you bothered. There's no chance you're going to like that. I made promises to people that I would try, and I did try. It's fine. I wasn't like, oh my god, I'm never watching a shot. I don't even know why you bothered. There's no chance you're going to like that. I made promises to people that I would try, and I did try. It's fine. I wasn't like, oh my god, I'm never watching this again. It's just, it doesn't do it for me. You're more highbrow than that.

We'll get into our voicemails in a little bit, but first, the big news of the weekend was... Yeah, before we do that, I did say we were going to come back to Florida. Okay. And I just... I had something I had to say. And it's not a take. weekend was yeah before we do that i i did say we're gonna come back to florida okay and i i just i had something i had to say and it's not a take it's not a hot take i i realized many people shared this opinion florida is the worst state in the union i cannot believe that anybody lives there it makes fucking no sense to me that any, like it's a state,

I guess, I guess if you live there and you kind of just have to grow up there because, you know, you were born in the shitty part of the world and you never do anything else. But if you choose to live in Florida, there's just, there's just so much wrong with you. It's a state that's known exclusively for a theme park and,

and eating people's faces. It's a state where, and look, I like football, but if you wanted to show someone, you wanted to indoctrinate someone who decided to be like, these are my friends. These are who I want you to know. You wouldn't show them a tailgate. And Florida is a state full of people at a tailgate.

Everyone in Florida looks like they're going to or coming from a tailgate. at everyone in florida looks like they're going to or coming from a tailgate that's how they all dress that's their all of their body types like you'd see me in a parking lot drinking beers and it's it's like there's there's nothing good about it there's a reason why i think every every cruise ship lands in florida see it's almost like like you got out of jail and you got It's like a halfway house. You haven't been in society for a while. You've been on this crazy party cruise ship.

We're going to slowly get you ready for society. Here you are, hang out in Florida for a few hours, and then you can go back home to your state. It's like assimilating back into culture. It's like scuba diving. You can't come up too fast. That's what I was going to say. It's like, okay, well, let's be what because you've just been getting shit faced on a boat

forever you got these people who are like they get shit faced on a boat all the time but sometimes they come back to land so hang out with them first and then you're ready to go back to boston and it's and people people were getting mad at me where they were like they're like well dude like we don't have any state income tax yeah that's like saying like well my well, my bar doesn't have a cover, but it's a shitty bar. It sucks. It doesn't have a cover for a reason. No one wants to fucking be there. It's my favorite.

My haircut only costs $8. Yeah, it shows. Well, you look like you have an $8 haircut. It shows. It's like some people, like Alaska pays you extra to go work there. Of course. Yeah, no shit. Because it fucking stinks.

You don't want to be in Alaska. Florida has to entice us down there by not taking away our money. The weather is awful. It's atrocious't want to be there. Florida has to entice us down there by not taking away our money. The weather is awful. It's atrocious. It's oppressive. It feels like you're awake, but you have sleep paralysis. Like something's just sitting on your chest. And it feels like a fat, wet person is just holding you.

Like a hug. Not a tight hug. Not a creepy hug. Not even like, oh, what's up, man? Good to see you. Haven't seen you in a while. Just like, I'm just going to be. A hug that lingers too long. I'm just going to be touching bodies. It's not even a creepy hug. Not even like, oh, what's up, man? Good to see you. I haven't seen you in a while. Just like, I'm just going to be. A hug that lingers too long.

I'm just going to be touching bodies. It's not even a tight hug. It's like a loose handshake, but in hug form. That's what it feels like being just in the air in Florida. It reminds me of just the scene of Long Came Polly where he's playing basketball and he's just getting rubbed up against a fat guy all the time. That's what Florida is at all times. Just walking through like a sweaty florida is at all times walking through like a sweaty fat body at all

times florida is is it's a state where it was endorsed heavily by southwest airlines southwest airlines had a fucking commercial where it was just it was like want to get away go to florida it's like it's like are you in the worst situation possible here's a place you can run to not much better that was that was their selling point it's like like almost like reverse getting people ready they're like and we'll put you on a plane where there are no fucking rules and then and then you might not even have a seat you'll be ready when you land from what you're gonna have to fucking experience with these goddamn monsters who live in florida we have alligators and pythons, and you don't get to fucking choose where you sit. That's Florida.

It's like Florida, I mean, when you think of the people, it's either like old New York Jews who have retired and like a thousand years old, or it's like Miami asshole douchebags, or it's like Panhandle and Everglade hillbillies. It's the worst of everything. Everything. It's basically like if you were in a creative creative player game and you're like make a terrible white person they'd live in florida that's what it is florida terrible white people that's it it was i didn't see a smile the whole time terrible whites and basically like a couple

cubans probably that's about it no one's no one's happy disney i remember it as this beautiful place awful people don't like everything's dirty everything's gross it's terrible you're stuck in the middle of trash overflowing landlocked in florida which is like what's even the fucking point because you know the one thing florida could say is like well you're by the beach you know south beach is beautiful some of these beaches beautiful not really though every everyone's exactly how you predict them to like some kid came up to up to me, and he was just like, yeah. I was like, it's so hot. That's all I said to people.

I was like, it's so goddamn hot. Yeah. It's so hot. And he's like, yeah, but it's better than the north. Nah, it's not. I said, Florida's the south without the southern hospitality. It's awful. Yeah.

And I was like, what's the problem with the north? It's the way they vote. That's how you're going to come up and talk to me, man. They ain't got no slaves up there. Yeah, like, why are you talking to me? I remember I hung out with a kid from Florida once come up and talk to me, man. They ain't got no slaves up there. Why are you talking to me? I remember I hung out with a kid from Florida once who came up to visit me, and he said, I was like, oh, man, it's different up here. Y'all treat y'all blacks differently.

I was like, well, we don't call them ours. That's probably the main difference here. We count them as five-fifths of a person. All five-fifths. They get all of them. They get all the fifths. You guys took away two of them. Y'all treat y'all blacks differently.

Y'all treat y'all blacks. They're not the fifths. You guys took away two of them. Y'all's black. They're not ours, man. They're just people who live here. That's why it's different here, I imagine. It's fucking pieces of shit. Everyone at Florida is a piece of shit. Pieces of fucking shit. I mean, yeah, it's like, sure, you got some ocean and

some beach, but so does New Jersey. I don't hear anyone fucking... It's still the Atlantic Ocean, bro. I don't fucking care. I tweeted that. People were tweeted that people were like oh yeah well you chose to go to school there first of all didn't choose only school i got into so jokes on you second of all now i got graduated so i don't fucking claim the place and but people were like but you should see the weather from like december to march bitch everywhere it's got like four good months yeah it doesn't matter where you are you new england's got four months. I like all the seasons here. I'm 12 months good

in the Northeast. I like all of the months. Florida pretending they have four good months is crazy. That's just trash. You've got the Tampas of the world where it's just like, well, we could finger our strippers. Don't really want to

penetrate the stripper. You can have that. You're right. Okay, if that's your scene. And then you got all the New York Jews who are just like surly old people. There's nothing good. There's nothing good. It's a terrible, terrible.

And I know that's not common. And they don't even respect Sister Hazel. What? They don't even respect Sister Hazel. What does that mean? Sister Hazel did a concert. There might have been does that mean? Sister Hazel did a concert. There might have been seven people there. Sister Hazel did a concert at a tailgate.

They probably ended up becoming like 100 people or so. But when they started, there were like seven people. That's them, right? Yeah. Your Winter. I won't be your winter. I don't know that one, I don't think. Oh, Your Winter is such a good one.

You nailed that. Yeah, I know. I did it, bro. Practicing that shit since I fucking saw him on stage. So, Florida's been canceled. Florida, big cancel. I mean, it's just... Straight up, the most apropos gif maybe ever, Bugs Bunny with the saw, just chopping it off the union.

We need to do that for real. You know Donald Trump was talking about nuking hurricanes. Oh yeah. Why don't we just first of all. Why don't we just talk about that for a second. Yeah let's talk about that. You know what that is? That's a Florida opinion. That's something someone probably would say. Do you like the idea Kevin? I think you have to explore

every avenue John. Well I know how you can stop hurricanes. You drop a huge ice cube in it. Do that. Sure. Yeah. ice cube in it, do that. Sure. Yeah. Why don't we do that? Why does that work? Just changes the pressure?

The cold air. I mean, hurricanes are formed in hot water. Cold air. Yeah, hot water, cold air, I believe it is. But if you drop it into the eye of the storm, it basically makes the storm collapse on itself. And they tried it in the 40s. Interesting. How did they do this?

I don't know, but I don't think they were really... They didn't have the technology we have now. I can't imagine... You know when you're having an old-fashioned, you can make the ice cubes into giant balls? They just did that on a huge scale? I don't know exactly what it was. I know it was called Operation... Let me see if I can figure it out.

Operation Ice Drop. And then they had to have some poor bastard be like, all right, well, you've got to fly into the eye of this hurricane, dude. I feel like you can get on top of something like that. You think you can get above the hurricane? I would imagine so. I feel like we could drone strike it now anyway. Yeah, see, that's what I'm saying.

You've got to ask these questions. Could we fly a gigantic plane over a hurricane drop an ice cube in the middle of it and collapse it let's find out could we go uh magn magnis what was his name manina no no what was jake jones hall's name mysterio could we go mysterio on him and just fucking shoot ice bullets from drones and i mean like at a hurricane until you disrupt it, until it fragments apart. It doesn't have to be like a nuclear bomb. Yeah. We just drop them.

The MOBA, the mother of all bombs. The MOBA bomb. You know what I'm talking about? The MOAB bombs. Drop that on there. The biggest non-nuclear bomb there is. You're telling me it's not going to fuck it up a little bit? Yeah.

You know how they strategically start avalanches? Yeah. A controlled burn in the forest. You know how they fight forest fires with other forest fires? Well, then occasionally you burn down the whole Amazon. Is that what happened out there? I don't know. Yeah.

Yo, that's crazy, too. I'll tell you what's crazy. Let's talk about a lot of current events right now. The Amazon rainforest is just dying. That's crazy. I mean, you know my thoughts on trees. They'll grow back. We have.

It's like, I remember just as a kid, like, it's beaten into you. Like, beaten into your life that, like, these are the lungs of Earth. Yeah. It's like one out of every five breaths you take is brought to you by the Amazon Rainforest. Yeah, guess what? That shit's on fire, burning with smoke. And, like, it's nuts. Remember when Notre Dame was on fire?

Yeah. And, like, billions of people were like, rich people, here's all our money. Save the Catholic Church. Here's all our money. You guys live in a city of gold. But here, let me cut you a check to fucking fix a stupid-ass fucking church. Why is everyone giving money to the amazigh raid for us ain't doing it ain't doing it let's do it i'll tell you i said

i think they just authorized like 20 million dollars for an emergency fund and somebody quote tweeted and said netflix paid 100 million dollars to stream friends 20 million that was one episode of friends this is this is crazy yo you know what's crazy i saw saw Whitney Cummings tweeting about it, right? And she was a little late to the party because she loves the animals, and I figured she'd be environmentally up on it. And she was like, oh, my God, how am I just finding out about this now? And that made me think about how I found out the Amazon was burning. Logan Paul. Logan Paul was feeding me my environmental news, and he was like, how can I mobilize my fan base to help out the Amazon?

But I was like, boy, I must be behind on the times when I felt good about myself that Whitney Cummings knew even after me and Logan. Yeah, I think it was on fire and has continued to be, obviously. It was on fire for like three weeks before anyone even made it a news story. I also, here's something I don't get. I don't like the United Nations. Just go put out the fire. Okay. I uh you know that that movie i was talking about i cried at only the brave miles teller and so i i learned a little bit about you know wild out of

control fires i still don't understand how we can't just put out fires like i just feel like if we mobilized all the planes and all the water we had and smothered it with some sort of fucking – put some gigantic dome on top of it and take the oxygen out, I don't fucking know. We should be able to figure that out. I think a dome would be tough. Why? Why would a dome be tough? Maybe you did a lot of – You're telling me Elon Musk can't build a collapsible dome that you can drop on top of a fire?

Yeah, I think you have to do it in small things, almost like cupping. Sure. You know how people do cupping? Yes, get a bunch of doping put it on fire put that one out no more fire no more oxygen smother it out smother it out just keep moving that shit and keep cupping them have we tried that yet i think that's a pretty good idea i mean why can we not do that it's like nope well we just can't put it out we're just gonna watch all of like calabasas burn down it's like i don't know why don't we just build a dome over it i mean you got something there you got something right there's build like whatever they do for stadium domes just like have a bunch of those but you need to cup it all at the same time because once you take it up it's

liable to catch on fire again well you gotta have a bunch of domes and just leave them there yeah you got a lot of simultaneous doming yes a lot of doming okay it's not a bad idea call it doming but like i and then in 2019 they developed doming doming changed the world because fire we finally beat fire they even had oh and you know what while we're at it put the dome over the hurricane

done dome the hurricane doming we gotta just dome the world I'm telling you man it's pretty smart the circumference of this hurricane is what? I mean, how many? A hurricane is probably a couple miles wide or something like that. Build a five-mile circumference dome.

It's not even that big. It's really not. It's really not. Five miles is nothing. Probably four planes carry that. Can you just build a wall? Probably. But you see why it's catchy.

Build that dome! Build that dome! Build that dome! And the U.N. is going to pay for it. Can you look up how much we raised for, or how much money was donated to Notre Dame? And then can you look up how much money has been donated to the Amazon rainforest? The Amazon. It was Leonardo DiCaprio. His.

One billion dollars in two days. For the church? For the church. You goddamn assholes. A billion? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Where's that money? In two days. What did Notre Dame do with a billion dollars? Is there like 11 Notre Dames now? What did we do? I mean. No, the church just took it like they do. They're taking all the money.

They just have it now. They're just making more gold houses to live in in the Vatican. Dude, nothing even... The famous are reinforced. They live in a hut. Give them the fucking money. Dude, nothing even got lost at Notre Dame. Remember? They were like, oh, the artifacts are safe.

And the rose, the stained window. That's it. They got a billion dollars to fix a stained glass window. Leo's donating five, though. Five million. It's not even Leo. It's Leo's charity. It's Leo's charity, not Leo.

But even that, Leo's like, I guess I'll do it myself. I don't know, you fucking assholes. I mean, a billion. Those guys, that probably was like a 200 000 cleanup they just pocketed fucking 999 million dollars i started another fire yeah it's very profitable fire that actually makes me think that maybe that was maybe they did that it was an inside job well let's raise a billion from i did not know that happened i knew there was an outpouring of love and money but i didn't know it was a oh i knew, I knew billionaires were like, here's $100 million.

Holy motherfucking shit. And at no point was the Catholic church like, yo, we're good. No, well, I mean. We're set. I mean, would you? Stop. If that was you, let's just say comparatively. Let's say you went out one night, you broke your foot.

And someone was like, let's start a GoFundMe for John. And all of a sudden it raised like $250,000 to you. You wouldn't stop. I think I would. If I broke my foot, I think I'd be like, guys, I'm good. Would you? I think I would. I honestly do.

Apparently, I mean, yeah, because you're right, because eventually they would ask you some questions. No one's asking the church any questions. That's the problem, isn't it, Kevin? We don't ask a lot of questions about the church, do we? By the by, SNY is running this commercial during Mets games right now. Killing my vibe. It's all about stop church abuse.

And basically the commercial is an older man, like a middle-aged man, goes to like a garage sale, I think it is, or he's like looking through a garage, and he sees a skateboard, and it reminds him of his childhood. And they flash to this kid who's sitting on the curb with his skateboard, who's clearly been touched by a priest, and he's just all fucked up. It's like every commercial break during the Mets game. I see it like five times a game.

And it's really inconveniencing me in my baseball game watching. If it's that end priest of you still, why are you telling me? Yeah, seriously. Go talk to the fucking guys. You're like, I got no control over this. baseball game watching okay priest abuse though like why are you telling me yeah seriously go talk to the fucking guys you're like i got no control of this i can't don't tell me not to get raped by a priest go tell the priest not to rape me like listen i've ended priest abuse in my life it's not gonna happen you ain't gonna catch me in a church i promise you this is a promise guarantee i will never be raped by a priest it will never never happen to me. You don't have to tell me. You're preaching literally to the choir here.

Go preach to the preachers who are raping people. You don't have to make a commercial out of that. Just go knock on doors of churches. Cut it out! Yeah, knock it off. Stop raping people, asshole! And also, some of that fucking money you got, bring it on back here. Send it over to the Amazon rainforest.

Trees are burning down. They got cupping to do. I really, I mean, it takes a lot for me to be pro-forest on these airwaves, as you know. But today, I stand firmly with my Amazonian brothers. Have you seen some of the videos? No, I've just seen the one tree line picture. I mean, they're very tribal, native people. Like, guys, can someone help us the fuck out? Now I will say this.

The rebuild is a lot easier. You know. If your hut burns down. Oh, right. I don't think they're asking for help with their homes. They're like, someone's got to come help us fire. We don't have hoses. We have buckets.

Someone's got to come do this. They're doing like, they're splashing. I mean, it Someone's got to come do this. They're splashing. I just think it's physically impossible. I mean, it's like the sonic boom in a pool. You get a big splash with your arm. They're doing that, trying to put out a whole fucking forest fire. I'm surprised the Amazon forest can burn down. I feel like it's very wet.

I feel like it's like trying to set fire to a wet log. I'm surprised it's even happening. But like it's like trying to set fire to a wet log surprise is not i'm surprised it's even happening uh but guess what dome dome it up just put a whole dome over a biodome you know maybe even just leave it there let the ecosystem thrive in there this is what happens when we don't have guests we go off the fucking fucking rails, man. Right now, I'd be like, all right, let's get into this new sitcom. Instead, we're like, fucking burn the forest and dome the hurricanes and the priests stop raping people.

Wild, man. It's wild. All right, so let's just... Things are already off the rails. Let's get right into our voicemails. They're brought to you by Tommy John. Tommy John Underwear. Most comfortable in the game, whether you're a guy, whether you're a girl,

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He doesn't wear underwear at all. But then he also, like, re-wears his clothes a lot. If you're going to re-wear the same shorts all the time in the summer, you have to wear underwear. Because that means you're just wearing the same, like, sweaty shorts all the time. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, I don't really care about his underwear

usage, but I know he was repeating the clothes, and then it's a problem, so he's got to start wearing underwear. But when you've got that Y peach, he's flat out going to have panty lines, okay? You can't have panty lines if you're YP. So he's got to start wearing thongs. And let me tell you, if you're going to wear a thong, Tommy John is the thong

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It was in Florida. He was like, what are you doing? I was like, I got an itchy bag. He just started dying. He's like, itchy bag. I love that. You're not going to have any itchy bags with Tommy John. Let me tell you what.

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someone's got to buy them underwear you know they got to buy poster board for the kids someone's got to buy them something for the richie bags stop doing that tommyjohn.com slash kfc by 20 off your first order and back to school specials you'll find out about them at TommyJohn.com slash KFC we're back to school coming back and it's like here's a GoFundMe can you buy my kids pencils

the kids don't need pencils I can't buy you kids don't need pencils it's 2019 can I get him a ruler no teach him that their thumb is an inch Kids don't need pencils. It's 2019. Oh, can I get him a ruler? No, teach him that their thumb is an inch.

Fucking get out there, Chris. Bam. Done. Bam. Oh, what about the protractor? I don't even know which one's the protractor and which one's the compass. All I use the protractor was for to stab people. That's it. No, that's the compass.

Compass. That's it. Okay. The compass is the stabbing and the protractor. No, the protractor is the stabbing. The compass is the sharp. Right. The compass is the stabbing.

The protractor is just the half moon. I used to pretend that was like I was slicing people. Oh, I just, I just always, you gotta put it down. You just keep drawing in the middle. Like I'm going at times. That's what I did. I used to take the protractor and do the, thatda-da-da-da-da-da-da in between your fingers. That's ridiculous. That's so scary.

Uh, yeah. School supplies. Don't need them. Erasers? Pencils and erasers? Obsolete. They're fucking gone. Yeah, just fucking put a go for it. I bought the kids' laptops. Could you imagine buying a whole, like, 35-kid classroom

full of shit like buying themselves tell the goddamn shitty parents to do it right stop telling me that's not on me every kid here's your requirement

like you gotta come and you gotta bring all your own supplies BYOS BYOP bring your own pencils we don't have a lot of funds I know you don't

you show up to school right now you have a pencil box and it's like that was the other thing that happened with fucking fucking Dan Dakich,

whatever the fuck his name is, with the Andrew Luck stuff. I hate. I just hate. Hate, hate, hate. I hate Peter Pan. People who, when something like the Andrew Luck happens, and the guy's like, he thinks his job's too hard. I know steel workers i know cops

i know people in the military i don't give a fuck if they want to make more money be a great quarterback seriously that job you knew what that's what breaking news people with incredible god-given talent have a different life than the fucking idiot who has to move rocks in the coal mines right and you know it's the people who make those arguments are the same people who are like well if you like if you want to make minimum wage to be seven dollars an hour like if you don't work at a mcdonald's yeah like all right if you want to make 29 million dollars a year don't be a cop have a rocket fucking arm yeah i i i've actually never heard uh those people make the argument either.

Like I feel like if someone worked in a coal mine, they would be like, yeah, don't. They would quit that job if they could. Yeah, but I also think they would have like the foresight or, you know, the understanding to be like, oh, yeah, well, yeah, no, Andrew Luck's better than me. You know what I mean? Like it's always the middle class who's like making that argument. I mean, he did quote tweet one woman who was like, thank you, Dan, for sticking up for us. I'm a cop wife. But I bet you that cop was like, shut the fuck up, honey.

I'm not a quarterback. I'm a cop. So it's Dan Dakich and then the, let me speak to the manager, white women out there who are jumping on board those tweets. And everyone else understands the game. Everyone knows you don't get the same treatment if you're a fucking... I work so hard. Yeah, I know. Work smarter, not harder.

Be a fucking great quarterback. God. Boy, I wish my husband made $29 million a year. Bet you do. While you sit at home and just fucking add Xanax while you sit around. Just fucking tweet at people. Buying supplies for your stupid kids in school. Comment on Facebook.

I don't vaccinate my kids either. Jesus wasn't vaccinated. That's why I died at 33, bitch. Jesus wasn't vaccinated. Is that really one? Oh, man. That's so funny. It was like a girl in a t-shirt.

It said spoiler alert, which, first of all, that was over 2,000 years ago. No need for a spoiler. Spoiler alert, Jesus wasn't vaccinated. Yeah, Jesus died super fucking young. Everybody died at like 20 because of it, you idiot. My fucking uncle didn't have it. He died of polio. Okay, Boy Scouts.

What up, KFC? Fight, Super Trooper PC. I got a hypothetical for you. So say you drop back in caveman time. You have the same intelligence you have now. They have the same stupidity slash intelligence they had then. The only thing is everybody you talk to back then can speak fluent English, so you can communicate, you can ask questions,

you can figure things out, sort of. How long would you survive, and would you become like the king caveman? Absolutely. All right, love the show, thanks. What kind of crazy question is this? Continue. I mean, under no circumstance would I become anything other than a slave.

Oh, okay, great. I thought you were going to say you would be king. No, I didn't know. Okay, I was like, I would be the bottom. Boy, I am really not confident in myself in this situation, but apparently John is. I feel like we get a question comparable to this fairly often not fairly often but maybe annually well like like what uh you know if you went back in time with

an iphone could you rule the world something like that or like christopher columbus type deal yeah people who think you could go back in time and even be remotely successful i would be so much more successful now with my intelligence than i would be i i have no skill the only offer we have is like is is well though maybe like i'm coming around on this i might be socrates because i could just okay i can say shit that sounds smart and i i can talk well so I would be sitting on a campfire. I'd be like, guys, I'm going to tell you a story. And I would just tell them the plot of Die Hard.

And they'd be like, this is amazing. This guy's the greatest speaker we've ever met. I've actually thought about this. This is how I hope to survive one day if I'm in jail. If I go to prison, my only shot is to be what? No, in prison, there are people so much smarter than you. No, funny. I'm going to be like, hopefully I can maybe be the funny guy.

Maybe I can tell you some stories. Maybe we can do some banter, some sports talk. Maybe I can provide some entertainment value. But at the end of the day, here's the problem. That guy still gets banged, I think, though. Yeah, probably. He's funny and he's cute. Yeah, he's like, that guy's a total package.

I'll tell you what would save me in prison is my vanity, my ego. I'd be like, oh, okay. So I'm hot. Okay, maybe now I'm gay and I get fucked all the time. But I'm getting chosen over those guys. I'd be Dennis. I'd be the bell of the ball. I'd be in the yard. Oh, you want the ball. I'd be sitting around in the yard.

Oh, you want me? Yeah. I've often thought about that. If I went to jail, I think I'd just become gay. Just become gay. I also... I also... Everyone's so scared of getting raped.

I'll just get fucked willingly. I was... Wasn't this Dan's plan and you guys were like, what? He was going to kiss all the gays? No, Dan said he was going to kiss people like – It was just about – I don't think that was about prison. I think it was like – No, no, no.

He said his – It was talking about people in prison, but I think he was just like, that's why guys in prison would like to kiss people's lips. It wasn't like a prison question. It was like Dan took it to prison. You guys worked that in there? Yeah. I paused for a second there because I thought I was maybe going to get in trouble. But since you took it there, if I was ever going to get raped, I would just get into it.

I'd be like, I'm going to suck this dick. You're not going to fuck my mouth. I'm going to fuck your dick with my mouth. Yes. Yes. And then I'm not getting raped. Then I just learned how to give really good head at prison. It just seems like a better fate than resisting.

But here's the problem. Prison and caveman alike. You could be like Socrates, or maybe in my dreams i could be this funny guy in the world of in caveman world we're still talking about prehistoric primitive violent murderous people who one guy eventually will just be like whack i'm just smashing you with my rock club and that's it they're probably all like superhuman too because they because they're half-animal. Everyone's jacked. Yeah, like, so even if a couple of them took to liking you, all it takes is one of them one night to be like, you ate more meat than me. Whack, and you're fucking dead. As soon as there's any sort of physical, like, challenge in a way, you're dead.

Yeah, but I think that's why you got to tell them all the stories and stuff, because think it's different in jail because in jail you still have TVs and stuff. Like if I was in there and I was just like, all right. You got to provide the entertainment you're saying? So one day Iron Man, he like – you'll learn about Iron. And he just – That's almost the problem though. You're too advanced. Well, I would just like –

At that point they only understand like sex, food, violence. I think everything – but they still had gods, right? Like there was still like – I think you would have to present yourself as a god. I'd be like – well, I don't know. Do you look like you or do you look like a caveman? I guess I would probably – You should say that God told you all these stories.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, like there's this man that's what's that's what fly moses did start a religion oh yeah that's he's yeah he's yeah we should start a religion yeah i mean that's what my religion would be telling you the funny stories and plagiarizing film and then you can't kill me because then they're like then you can't kill me just simply out of self-preservation because then if they find out you killed me they're gonna kill you because you burned down the movie theater and they're like dude they do every single night all we do is just sit around the campfire and listen to this guy's stories and you kill them like what the fuck we're gonna do now we're just all gonna i don't know storytelling is enough i think it's got to

be like this guy's the messiah well yeah i would tell in a preachy fashion that's what i said i'm like socrates like i would it would be like come around i'm going to gather around john's now talking yeah i mean i think I would just suck dick. Because cavemen definitely didn't get head. Because it was all about reproducing or whatever. If I showed up and I was like, let me see what this mouth do. Okay? I'm about to show you what this mouth do.

And they're going to be like, we got to keep this guy around. You're the hunter. You're the gatherer. And this guy sucks like dick. I don't know. I don't know. I don't even think homosexuality, I mean, homophobia was a thing then. No. They'd just be like, yo, this guy, he's got like a woman on his face.

He's going to impregnate his head. I'm having that homo sapien sex. This guy. This guy. Cro-magnums. He's going to have a lot of babies. They would think that they're breeding with me, man. Men have many babies inside him.

Say what? I think I've lasted longer than Storyteller over here. That guy made me laugh, but that guy made me cum. Holy shit. Next voicemail. What up, KFC? Spike, Super Producer BC. Being the

veterans of the porn game that you guys are, I have a little story for you. A buddy of mine was telling me that one time in his younger years, around 18 or 19, back when, if you remember, Pornhub had the five free video limit,

he stumbled on a thumbnail that he thought was a good one to click on, and it was a dude and this really hot chick with big tits they were fucking supposedly fucking in the kitchen and as he clicked on the video the uh the dude and the chick never fucked but they just opened the fridge and started smashing fruit on each other it's the wildest story I've ever heard. So my question to you after that is, have you ever been watching porn and been fooled by a thumbnail?

Let me know, Viva. Wait, that's the question that comes from that whole tale? Wait a minute. I don't know what he's talking about, by the way. Pornhub had a five free video limit yeah i don't remember not in my day there was a time where you could hit like the wall street journal like you've you've reached your maximum limit for the day you have to start paying on porn hub not my porn hub bro i yeah i don't know what website he's talking about unless he

started watching porn hub in like 1996 i don't know what he he's talking about. Unless he started watching Pornhub in 1996, I don't know what he's talking about. And it sounds like he used one of his free videos on a fruit-smashing video. There's a Reddit thread that says, The day Pornhub removed the daily video limit. What day is that? When was that? What year is that? I don't know.

That must have been when I was still a YouPorn guy or something like that. I don't know. That must have been before I got still a you porn guy or something like that. I don't know. That must have been before I got into Pornhub. Not before I got into porn. Before I got into Pornhub. It has to have been. But also, I've done stuff. Wait, by the way.

I was you, Jizz, for so long, and then I made the switch. Yeah. Which is very rare for me. That's like if you're a creamy peanut butter guy you ain't switching to crunchy like i thought my porn habits were going to be locked in set in stone for life and then all of a sudden i just uh well it was just pretty much like every video and porn hub was anal so on february 13th 2014 porn hub tweeted no limit on valentine's wow so there was a limit that's like i mean i i mean i i think i

made this which i was still in college so like i might have been maybe i still dabbled in other things then but i mean 2014 i was still i was definitely primarily porn i feel like i maybe was uh was was you jizz at the time um that's but that's tough that's recent enough that i feel like i should have at least known about it yeah like i't know how. Yeah, that didn't get blogged? That there was like this. Porn's free now! Well, right. But if I was on UGIS, maybe I would have been like, that might have been why I was on UGIS.

Maybe I was like, oh, I don't even worry about that shit. I'm just watching free porn over here all the time. But you're going to run into some tough situations there. And I've kind of been in stuff comparable where it's just like if you got to – you're really playing Russian roulette where it's like I'm four in. And this fourth one is not really doing it for me. Because I was going to say if I ever clicked a porn and a guy and a girl opened up a fridge and started smashing fruit on each other, I would be like – I would think it would be great. Oh, yeah. I'd be like, I hit the jackpot. i can't believe you got i'd call my friends you're not gonna believe this i thought i was gonna watch this guy get head and all of a sudden he's smashing a watermelon on her face it's amazing if it was my last free one of the day and i like wanted to get

a nut off maybe a different story nah that's when i really i bear down you would you would still masturbate to that oh No way. No way. Absolutely. No, you'd be laughing. You wouldn't be able to get off. No way. If a guy was just smashing a chick with tomatoes and stuff, you couldn't jerk off to him. Oh, I guarantee you I could. I mean, you could.

And I would. And you would want to? It would be like I would make a point to do it. That's what I mean. If I was like, yeah, I'm going to come to this girl again and hit her with a head of lettuce, fine. But my dick's not going to be revved up for that. I could get it. I'd for that. I could get it. Again, I can achieve all these things.

That's what I mean. It would be a good content. Almost like sometimes where you're like, I have two minutes. I've got to get in the shower. I've got to record a podcast this morning. I've got to get to work. I have two minutes to get it off. Let's go, baby. Done. If I know it's my fifth week.

You know what I say in that case? case I got an extra minute to brush my teeth but to get to the question here have you ever been duped by a porn clip thumbnails sorry now you can watch most of the like half the time i don't even open up a fucking floor anymore i just go thumbnail thumbnail yeah i'm just going like

like like the quick couple quick scenes here bam all right there done done done it's it's got it actually like but now the thumbnail game to me is important i'll say that oh of course like the uh like a headline like leo i found leo lulu with that one remember i sent it to you and you're like oh yeah i've seen that thumbnail it was like you know it was like a bird's eye view i was like oh yeah yeah yeah i know so like that yeah you i mean you know exactly what i'm talking about like so that can really matter um but i don't know if i've ever been duped really like i've never i've never like because also duped is like like, such a hard word. I've never, maybe I click it thinking that, like, it's going to be this girl, and it turns out to be a different girl.

Like, no big deal. I've never, like, clicked on it and been like, oh, this is gay sex. Like, oh, I can't even watch this at all. It's always like, well, this will do. You know what I mean? Yeah. Duped implies that you're, like, completely dissatisfied with what happened. I guess I have been duped where, like where it's more by a headline than a thumbnail.

But it says a certain act happened or facial and it just doesn't happen. Right, it's like anal. That never happened. I've never had anal. And when that happens, too, I'll turn into a fucking detective. Is it in there? Yeah, but what hole is this in here? Well, it might be, but I can't really tell here.

Tell you what, some of these girls... Screenshots, fucking zooming in on the screenshot. I can see really tell here. Tell you what, some of these girls, like, you know. Fucking zooming in on the screenshot. I can see a little eye there. That's not it. That one's not full. Yeah. That's an empty one.

So, I mean, maybe along the line I've been duped. Shitter's empty. It's an empty butt. Good. What's's up KFC fight super producer BC talking about a quick hypothetical here with the boys alright so what if

all the humans on earth just died and all that was left was all the animals in the animal kingdom and you have the option to pick one animal like not the whole species just one specific animal that's going to be your companion and your boy that's going to help you through whatever your life is like my boy was saying he'd choose a ride up and stood on land and the sea can help you get food it can can protect you. Maybe you'll choose a lion. You know, you like speed, aggression, or whatever it might be.

Like, let's hear your opinion on that. I think this is easy. Proceed. Gorilla. Goddamn, that's what I was gonna say. I mean, it's the closest to a human while still being a fucking badass animal. It could protect you, it can fuck things up, but it also... Like you have a Hulk.

Basically. And yeah. Yeah. Because he's kind of like broken English and shit. Right. Because like I don't know if I would be able to do it, but I know that like other people have like communicated with gorillas. I feel like if it was just me and him, we'd figure out a way. And obviously we have to guarantee that he doesn't turn on me. Mm-hmm.

And that probably sucks a dick. Good producer cam. Producer cam on that one uh come here but uh uh i bet i bet the dick like a coco's dick is probably comparable to this oh i bet it's much bigger no no but i mean just like furriness like oh yeah the texture on the outside is all just where where is where are gorilla dicks probably between their legs are they though because i feel like you can you can see them at all times like when i like how i've seen this at a zoo like a gorilla like stands up and goes it's like shouldn't you just see it swang it big old dick don't now i definitely have seen monkeys when they pee in their own mouth they grab their little piece and they point it upwards but i don't

think i've seen it from like a gorilla. But I mean, they have to be between their legs. I'm not telling you that a gorilla has a dick on like its elbow. It's got to be where the dicks are usually put. But I'm saying I feel like I would have seen more gorillas. They have very big dicks. Yeah, right? It would be funny if gorillas had tiny dicks.

I think they do, man. I'm looking at the pictures. But think about it. It actually makes sense because if you're like in the jungle and you're flying around through the trees and you're going to get in fights and stuff, you can't have a dick that's easily accessible. That's a weakness. You can just grab onto that dick and take it right off. Now, I'd also say maybe an eagle. I think having a bird of war would be a good idea. Hey, I'm in the dick mode right now.

And while you're at it Where are bird dicks? For real, that's the question How do birds fuck? You ever seen a bird fuck? You ever seen a pigeon fuck a pigeon? How have we not seen that in New York City yet? Where's the bird vagina

And where's the bird dick? We gotta get a guest back on here Right I mean, you can't Tell me how birds have sex what does it look like what's birdie style right i want to fuck you birdie style they can't can they have sex while they're in the air probably that's probably where they do their dirt they just latch on almost like when a when a plane refuels another plane mid-flight i feel like that's what bird sex is

like when air force one needs to just circle with the president they just keep filling it up with an f-18 or whatever that's but bird sex is i mean it's pretty pretty accurate when you think about it i feel like humans are the only people with their dicks really readily available like every other you know i guess kind of a dog like you know you look in you know he's like is that a boy or girl you look over you see it but other than that, I don't know, where are...

Don't even get me started on snakes. Snakes are just dicks. They just go inside. Is that what happens? You just put your tail in? It's like you go inside and you just spit.

Yeah, yeah. You put your head in and the cum comes out of your mouth. Yeah. But in where? You spit in where? Yeah.

Where's the girl's vagina? You always spit in the butt. You always spit in the butt. So snakes have butts? Yeah, of course snakes have butts. I feel like a snake mouth is the vagina and the mouth and the dick. The head is the dick, the mouth is the vagina. You just put it in.

And I feel like sometimes it can be either or. Am I a guy? Am I a girl? I don't even know. Let's find out. Let's figure it out. Spit in my mouth. Maybe I'll have a baby.

Science on KFC Radio. Also, I think a wolf. I think that'd be pretty cool. Yeah, it's like a dog, but badass. It's National Dog Day. What about a shark? Shark give you rides? No, because you die.

You're not amphibious. Well, I mean, you give me a ride, I'd pull under the fin. I'd be above water Yeah, I don't know That doesn't seem that great to me What? That sounds fun as shit You ever get on a dolphin ride?

No You? Oh, I've gotten dolphin rides, of course Yeah? Yeah Of course, that's pretty rare I don't think so Where'd you ride a dolphin?

Bahamas Bahamas, yeah Speaking of One thing I learned is out today Didn't even think about that I didn't What's the part about you Sneaking into the concert with drugs in your mouth?

I mean, I didn't sneak into the concert. I was sneaking into Atlanta. Oh, no. I was sneaking back on the cruise. Oh, okay. So when you get back on the cruise, you got to go to the concert. Oh, I thought there was a concert for some reason. I guess the metal detectors were maybe thinking you were going to a concert.

Yeah, no, no. Just back on the cruise. You just put all the drugs in your mouth. I didn't. My buddy did. Did that work? It worked, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I figured. Pretty good. I got a pair of Viva boxers coming out with the pockets in it. I saw that. It's a good drug pocket. I was using it for my cell phone when I wake up in the morning. I don't have any pants on. But if you were to try to get drugs in somewhere, that's probably a pretty good idea.

Yeah. So Barstool boxers with a drug pocket coming soon. Gorilla, wolf. I think shark would be fun but impractical. Any sort of the apes I think are a good choice. Orangutan, chimpanzee. I'll tell you what the worst animal is. Lion.

No, lion's good. Yeah, lion's great. King of the jungle. Got to go. The worst animal? Probably an anteater. Sloth. Sloth would be great, though.

Did you see that video of the porcupine? Evading all the tigers? No. It was like somebody put a hip-hop beat to it, and there was a guy on the other side of the glass, and he was kind of like Millie Rocking because of this porcupine. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Huge, though.

That thing was big. I thought porcupines were kind of small. I actually just saw a video. That was great. It's really funny. It was like a porcupine. It was like a lion, a female lion, trying to eat a porcupine, and it just couldn't.

That didn't work out. It just kept trying to find an angle, and eventually and it just couldn't. That didn't work out. It just kept trying to find an angle, and eventually I was like, fuck this, man. I think that eventually, I think porcupines just chill, being like, go ahead, try it, see what happens. You're not going to like this. You're not going to like me, I promise. But I feel like porcupines

would be cool if they could turn off their quills. If I could hang with my porcupine. Porcupines can turn off their quills. It's like they come out like Wolverine style. They come up on their skin. Wolverine style. They don't always have them, but they lay down. They don't go into the body,

but they just lay down. Scared. Ah! Pow! That'd be a great one to have. Great power to have. You can throw it at people. I'm also saying, if I was getting back to cavemans, I wouldn't have to blow them if I had quills. If they come at me, I'm also saying if I was getting back to cavemans, I wouldn't have to blow them if I had quills. If they come at me, you know, I ain't blowing you today.

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slash KFC. No, enter promo code KFC. Yo, KFC, Fights, Super Soaker BC, got a quick question for you guys. So you have to live half of your life totally inside, can't go outside whatsoever, and the other half completely outdoors. Which half of your life do you pick for which side?

Thanks. Say it one more time. You have to live half your life inside, half your life outside. Which, isn't that what we all do? I think it means like you just like straight up have to be homeless. Or or i mean even be outside yeah you don't spend you know like half your life outside for sure you spend most of it inside does it mean years well that's what i'm saying is like you know day daily or like at the age at the age of 45 you can no longer be inside right

yeah that's what i would guess it is you know if it's a daily thing if it's like all right i got to do eight hours in and eight hours out i feel like i can figure that out i mean yeah they're in the winter it's gonna suck and shit like that but that's a lot better than the the rest of your life now needs to be spent i'd have to do it you have to do indoors for that the second half of your life when you're old and frail and shit you got to be able to be like and i just think i just need something to look forward to i mean first of all none of this is good no well i mean being inside is good being inside is good but like half of your life outside is not good no although i guess like the first half of your life you're running around you play outside you love the outdoors a good

amount a good portion of it you just have someone taking care of you so as long as you're outside like it's still like someone else is catching my food and shit like that yeah yep um and then i mean 45 that's still a long time to not go inside i don't know i don't i don't like this question no this is tough i mean i it's not good but i think you can't have you can't be like 80 years old and living outdoors i was gonna say you'd get by the time i was older i'd have the wisdom on how so if i did it the opposite way but like i don't have any wisdom now no you're dumb I'd have the wisdom on how to live. So if I did it the opposite way, but like, I don't have any wisdom now. No, you don't. And I don't know how to,

I wouldn't know how to live outside now. I was just forced to like, okay, you live outside now. You're only going to live to 62. You're 31 now. Now you live outside. I'd be like, well, I don't, I don't know how this anything goes. Maybe if you know it's coming and you spend your first half of your life inside and preparing, like plan, like just stocking. I don't know what I'd come come up with stocking daily harvest bowls like for years and years and years so you have your food ready to go and shit like that i was thinking the other day does it

start like the first half of your life like you're a baby and you spend all of that outside but again if someone else is taking care of me while i'm outside fine What do I care at that point? Right, but then, I mean, like, still all those early years where, like, a 16-year-old outside all the time. But, like, you know. Eventually, you have to take responsibility for yourself, and it has to be outside. Yeah, but I'm saying, like, it's just a numbers game where it's like,

I used to just go outside and run around more than I ever would when I was a kid, so it's just less time, less additional time outside if you pick the first half of your life true true and the second half of your life you throw yourself a party like boom i turned 42 today i'm teaming on team indoors the rest of my life air conditioning fire like heat microwave like everything i got a tv i got it all now i've and i'll tell you what you'd take you

you would you would i guess you wouldn't know what indoors is like, so you couldn't take it for granted. But if all of a sudden you realize just how much easier your life gets getting to be indoors. That's why I always hate people who are like, you got to go outside. It's like people who go – like lived outside, like our caveman brothers, like if they had indoors, they would go indoors. Like they would go watch TV. They're still in the cave to paint. The people who like read books and all that shit they did it because they had to if they could sit down and watch disney plus they'd be like this

is fucking awesome i'm doing that too you don't get a fucking parade because you force yourself to do lesser entertainment or rough it on purpose you know fuck that fuck that is right hey boys so i saw this guy from high school he was a year above me in high school i like graduated college now and he i want to say like a year and a half two years ago he met some girl from across the country like on twitter and they, were dating. And then she came to visit. Like, we live in New York. She lived in Vegas or something. She came, visited for a week, and they just made the plan to get married and move to California. They did.

And they're still together, married and everything. But she always retweets her nudes because she's like selling like her nudes and like being a cam girl selling nudes on snapchat and just like over twitter and he retweets all her nudes and all her tweets like advertising her nudes and he'll like quote tweet like guys we need money for tattoos or guys please like buy stuff i like want to go to the movies tonight like weird shit i'm like i am really sick of seeing this girl's nudes like i'm really tired she's not even pretty but like it's interesting that I still follow him. But is that not, like, the craziest thing ever?

Like, who, what guy would willingly, like, advertise their wife's name on Twitter? I'm telling you, man. It's a new world. It's a modern world, man. It's weird to us. But, like, I don't know. What if she was, like, an artist, right? She was making paintings. And her boyfriend was RT what if she was like an artist right she's making

paintings and her boyfriend was rt and those things like buy my girls paintings like support local businesses sort of thing her business is her body right and it's taboo and it's stigma and it's weird for us we'd prefer if it was a sexy girl sure uh but you know sex positive i prefer to just let's leave the commentary out of it. I don't – it's one thing if you're just like, buy my girls nudes. That's fine. Like buy my girls nudes so I can get a cup of soup tonight. That makes me feel terrible.

It's really depressing. If you're selling your body to go to the movies? Now I know movie tickets have gotten a little expensive and I know those condiments can be – I just bought mine. It was $18. it was 18 yeah 1869 total yeah but uh for just a movie ticket but i was i mean you weren't ready i'm not gonna show you my dick flurry yeah the although although i've actually uh something happened uh recently it was let me look it up real quick it was um another actor had uh dropped dropped um james charles the youtuber he had a hacker oh yeah he's like here's my nudes yeah is is james charles is he is he gay is he a transgender oh i don't know he's a super he's super super feminine

looking so i i'm not i'm not i said gay because i know he's like funny and big on gay twitter so that's what i thought yeah i mean i think he's a gay guy it's a the that's a tough one he looks kind of like um adam lambert or whatever you know yeah he looks like lambert he's a sharp looking guy but there's a very heavy makeup anyway the point is uh i think i am going to pretend i have a hacker and i'm gonna release your news i think so well first of all you'd be heroic yeah that's what i mean okay yeah i don't really want to show everyone my dick but if it gets me like whoa look at you know what you could do retire refuses to if you retire everyone suck your dick well i don't want my dick sucked i mean that that

that time well i meant metaphorically not you know this episode has been very literal but i'm saying you know if you uh if you if you pull the end your luck and be like this is just not making me happy i have to go everyone will be like wow what a brave decision i think it'd be more brave to show my penis let's find out i think i think if i was just like look here's like i've been getting harassed in my dms this guy is he's like yeah i mean that's the hot track when he comes free the nipple yeah he stole my girlfriend's phone he's got pictures of my dick he just won't let me go i i refuse to be held captive here's my hard boner my hb isn't it funny how how we all just keep on taking pictures of our dicks i actually don't really anymore i don't you cut yourself off i just don't really yeah

it's like i i couldn't tell you last time i took a picture of my dick that's good i mean just in general i mean like the royal we here like the world continuing to do it when it's just like it's just everyone's just it wasn't everyone's boring enough that it's like i know this is a bad idea and then right afterwards after they I know this is a bad idea. And then right afterwards, after they come, they're like, that was a bad idea. And the world just keeps on doing it. It wasn't even like a self-preservation thing

where I'm like, oh, it's this good one day. Now you're just lazy. It's unbelievable. God bless your girlfriend. It was just really hard. The apathy is incredible. It was really hard. It's really hard to get a dick pic.

Because it's just... You look, you get bored of it. I wasn't loving my art anymore. It was... I think it's one direction or the other. I think that maybe eventually the world realizes this is a bad idea and everyone's getting hacked and exploited and extorted.

Or it just becomes like... Yeah, okay. There's his dick, dude. It's not the time now and it'll take a while like nudity is still a like a weird shameful thing especially like sex tapes all that it will always be like a thing but down the road if people were just like you know what if you hack someone's phone and there was like bikini pictures you'd be like all right that's no big deal what if what if your dick and your vagina just become like that eventually

you might like my dick i would it would describe me by the way because you open up your phone i'd be like you know i don't want to see that hard boner no it's like like my dick me and my dick if we're a band okay we're like continue like a two-man like casey and jojo yeah yeah maybe kate now i'm thinking more like uh like the oasis brothers it was like we were like some 41 okay whereas like we had a couple of good songs right but then we just kept making the same song so what's the point of this man yeah yeah it's always gonna look this way it's just the way it is like this is the music what you really should do is actually just take like maybe it was five for fighting three okay you gotta have like three good dick pics and like

that's it that's it and i only play the hits i've always thought that if i was like a one hit one i would just like do a concert and just play like the one song you know so it's like hey you asked me for my dick pic i'm gonna send the same one i did last time like that's all you get that's it's all i got man it's it's there's there's really no point in repeating our artistry right because it's it's just the same thing it It's all we can do. That's our peak. That's the best we're going to be. Let's not flame out. You know, let's go out hot.

We're done. These are the ramblings of a man with a mediocre dick. Yeah. Yeah. You know? For sure. I've never pretended anything otherwise. Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow.

I mean, I also wasn't an angle guy. You know, the most I do. Get the motherfucking angles. I'd have like also wasn't an angle guy. You know, the most I do. Fucking angles. I'd have like a baby. You get a boner pick. Maybe you get a three-quarters guy. Not flaccid. Like a three-quarter.

Like, you know, chubbed up. Right, because then they don't know how big it could grow to. Right. And then that's it. You've got a fastball curveball. That's it. Right. Like one, two.

That's it. I feel like the three-quarters is the way to go because it leaves it up to the imagination. They're like, well, maybe it grows four more inches. It's like it only just, it's an angle thing. It just goes like 10 degrees higher, but it doesn't get any bigger, you know? But you leave it to the imagination and then they never, they never really know. Anyway, what was the question? I don't even know.

Something about living inside? No, it's the last one. The girl who. Oh, okay. So first of all, inside? No, it's the last thing. The girl who... Oh, okay. So, first of all, either unfollow him or shut the fuck up. That's my first thing. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I like to follow people and bitch about it.

Nope, nope, nope. You don't get to do that. Yeah, you do. You don't get to do that. Maybe you do. No, you don't. You don't. People follow me, complain about Met's tweets.

What are you doing here? Oh, I mean, like, you don't reply. You can't reply. You can't be a reply guy. Well, yeah, you can complain here? Oh, I mean, like, you don't reply. You can't reply. You can't be a reply guy. Well, yeah, you can complain about whatever you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course I'm on board with that.

Don't be ridiculous. But you can't follow me and then complain to me about what I do. Complain to your friends, but not to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine. That's my Twitter account, bro. It's naked pictures of my ugly girlfriend because I got to get a bowl of soup. That's my Twitter account. It's a little bit lengthy, but that's my Twitter account, bro. It's naked pictures of my ugly girlfriend because I got to get a bowl of soup. That's my Twitter account.

It's a little bit lengthy, but that's my at. At naked pictures so I can get soup. Like, that's what I do here, so shut the fuck up. I want tattoos. Whoa, boy. Oh, man. I also, we glossed over the fact that they, like, got married the way they did. I think this is a very modern couple. I think they got married in a very modern way where it was like, I don't know. We met online.

We did the fly out culture. We really click. Let's cut to the chase. And also let's make money by selling things on the internet. We don't have any discernible skills. Let's sell our genitalia. To me, modern couple. Play on, player.

You do you. Yeah, it works for me. Get those tattoos. Get those movie tickets. It doesn't work for me. It's fine with me, but it's not something I'd really care for. It's not my cup of soup, but it is theirs.

I don't want my girlfriend retweeting my podcast. I don't want my girlfriend knowing anything about me. You know what I mean? I want my girlfriend thinking I'm an accountant. Oh, how it would have been different. Last voicemail of the day. Last bits of this ridiculous dissension into madness.

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So if I co-sign it, you know they're the real deal. 15% off at wearfigs.com. Promo code KFC. What's up, KFC? Fight. Super producer BC. I'm dog sitting this week. It's been fun, but the dogs, those require a lot of attention.

I have to go out a lot. Got me thinking about Bruce Almighty. He's been fun, but the dogs, those require a lot of attention. That's go out a lot. Got me thinking about Bruce Almighty. He's able to train that dog using his godlike powers to use the toilet like a human. Got me thinking, if you could train a dog to do any one task like a

gamer, what would you choose? Alright, thanks guys. The laundry. Hate the laundry. Hate the laundry. My dog could do the laundry and I mean fold the laundry, put the laundry away, fold, start to finish.

It's that. That's a great answer. I'm going to take a picture of my laundry situation right now. I don't have enough room in my apartment for like all my clothes and sneakers and shit.

I don't have that many dressers and I don't have that many closets. And I just keep acquiring, I buy clothes that I like, but then I'm acquiring t-shirts from barstool and sponsor clothes. It's just overflowing. So right now I have clothes in the washer. As I think of it, they're definitely, I need to rewash them because they stink because I left them in there wet. I have a dryer that is two loads full because I just take the wet stuff. I put it into the already dry stuff and I just dry them again because I don't want to deal with it. But now I'm at the point where I need to now use the washer and dryer again. So I just took the double load out and I just put it on the floor. And so now I have a giant double load. That actually might be a triple if I think

about it. I'm going to add a third onto that. So I just have a gigantic triple pile of laundry on the floor clean dry i have some in the washer i have some in the dryer and then my dressers are full it's a disaster i have nowhere to put the clean stuff once i do the laundry really in the weeds yeah so like what's the point of doing your laundry if you know you have nowhere to put them you know what i mean like there's no incentive to me it's like it's a great online marketplace to get rid of all this stuff yeah i gotta let go of a lot of shit. Or I got to get a new apartment or something. Get new storage.

Get new closets and whatnot. Because I'm all full up. And I even have two. I also have two laundry baskets that are filled with folded clothes that I'm not putting anywhere. So I can't even use those laundry baskets to do my laundry. Long story short, I need a dog who can do laundry. That's a great answer. Laundry's the worst. I'm going to do my laundry. Long story short, I need a dog who can do laundry. I mean, that's a great answer. Laundry's the worst.

I'm going to cook. Yeah. He can cook for me. And he can eat too. Cook and clean. All the things that the old school traditional woman used to do for you, well, they ain't doing that anymore. So you've got to train the canines because the females ain't doing it anymore. They're out here winning bread.

They're out here living their own lives. Got to just take one step down get the animals to start doing it i think i think that's i think that's one step down this is at the end of the podcast i i you guys didn't say anything i was like well i guess that one went under the radar i feel like it would have been better to just address it like wow okay i mean clearly that's the hierarchy of existence. It goes man, woman, dog. Stop.

And I mean, depending on the day. I don't necessarily agree with it. It could be. You could flip-flop a couple there. Okay. Do some editing there. That's the show. Look at what you see in her face.

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