KFC Radio - Living In The Post-Apocalyptic World, Beanie Babies, and You Can't Be A Big Brother

Episode Date: November 19, 2019

What do the dinosaurs think of the world they left us? Beanie Babies and Pet Rocks. The time John tried to be a Big BrotherYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio brought to you by Tommy John. Tommy John made revolutionary underwear. Loungewear, clothing that guarantees a perfect fit. And they're getting extra ballsy this holiday season. Get it? I do. Because your balls are inside holiday season. Get it? I do.

Because your balls are inside the underwear. That's what it is. But you know what? You don't even have to have balls to wear Tommy John. You can put your balls in there. But if you don't have balls, you can also wear Tommy John. Girls, guys without balls, everybody can wear Tommy John. They're comfortable.

Although the comfort doesn't matter as much if you don't have balls. Because balls are kind of what the problem is. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's the issue. it's got to be so easy without balls yeah being a woman is awesome well in that department yeah just like you mean even right now my balls are bothering me it's like if i didn't have all the balls me just 100 of the time right i was like 24 7 and i'm not wearing my tummy john let's just have these things hanging like everyone's i love when when not that this happens all the time,

but when the people who know why balls are outside the body love, you know, like, well, you know, the temperature thing. It's like, well, why doesn't your body just figure out how to make cum that lasts at 98.6? Doesn't that seem? Great question. Yeah, I don't know. It's like evolution rather than having your balls hang outside your body,

just figure out how to make cum survive in hot temperatures. Yeah, they should. Well, but then we'd look so weird. But we wouldn't be weird if it was just normal. Yeah, but if we did evolve, like we say we started evolving now and your balls just shrank up and disappeared. Wouldn't that be funny if it was like, you know, like a thousand years ago? People, imagine if we were just like, now if we didn't have balls, and we were just

like, people in the 1600s, they had fucking nuts hanging from their legs. That's crazy, huh? That would be ridiculous. Yeah, so we'll probably have balls forever, to be honest. Yeah, I mean, if you can't get it done in 2,000 years, you're probably not going to get it done. That's what I always say. That's, you know, the old adage.

If you can't do it in 2,000 years, you're not going to do it. Anyway, this revolutionary underwear, balls or no balls, until 2,000 more years from now, no matter what's hanging from your legs or not hanging from your legs, Tommy John will be around with guaranteed underwear that fits perfectly. They'll never have to pick a wedgie. The waistband never rolls down. The legs never ride up. It's the best pair you'll ever wear, and it's a great gift. This is actually a good thing for like – it sounds to be like buy your father some underwear but it is a good gift where it's like i don't know what else to get this guy but you know what people appreciate a nice pair of boxers marty has never bought a

pair of boxers get marty yeah well actually the only time he does get boxers is the holiday season but you know sometimes people are like oh i'm just gonna go get like the cheap pair it's like no no get somebody the nice pair go to tommyjohn.com slash kfc and you get 20 off site wide uh did you say this on the air the other day? This just blew my mind as we're talking about revolutions and evolutions and shit. Where did you say that we're living in the post-apocalyptic world? Was that on Nicky Glazer's show? Nicky Glazer. Okay, so we're going to do that here.

I mean, John blew my brain out of my skull. It was not my original thought. I read it on Reddit. It was on Shower Reddit. But that's okay. Nobody's ever had an original thought ever for the past 50,000 years. I don't like getting accused of stealing things. So I want to be clear. I saw

this on the internet. I don't even know how it came up. Nicky was talking something like, me and John went on Nicky Glazer's show on last Thursday, and we said something about living in the future after the apocalypse. And John was like, we already we already are no we were talking about how humans are gonna look like aliens because it's just the phones and like

yeah how we like live now and stuff like that and she said something like yeah like how are we gonna look in like the post-apocalyptic world john was like we're already in the post-apocalyptic world what do you mean he's like yeah i mean this was the dinosaurs planet and then it got wiped out and now there's a new species running the show if this was the dinosaur's planet. And then it got wiped out, and now there's a new species running the show. If you ask the dinosaurs, we are the post-apocalyptic monsters. If you're watching on Barstool Gold,

I just did the mind-blown thing with my hands and my fingertips. Go to BarstoolGold.com slash KFC to watch my mind actually blow up. If you want to stare at post-apocalyptic aliens. That's who we are. I haven't said that smoothly once. Yeah, it's to stare at post-apocalyptic aliens. That's who we are. I haven't said that smoothly once. Post-apocalyptic aliens. Got it. Bam.

By the way, real quick. The other day, Shay did Peter Piper. Peter Piper picked... No. Shay was still in the catch. Said Peter Piper picked a peck of peppers. Peter Piper picked. Peter Piper picked.

Peter Piper picked. And I of peppers Peter Piper picked a peck of peppers Peter Piper picked a peck of peppers Peter Piper picked And I was like what the fuck What is YouTube teaching you What is going on We are the post apocalyptic aliens Or species whatever If a meteor hit right now

And all of human life was wiped out And another type of creature took over That would be the post-apocalypse. Yeah. If you came up from below the bunker, you're one of the few people who survived, you'd be like, oh, shit. There's some fucking stuff out there, guys. Shit I ain't never seen. Right.

And it used to be monsters, but they're just animals that were running the show. So they're just eating and fucking and stuff. We came along and decided to do science and buildings and and all that sort of shit so what would come after us like like do you think that the post-apocalyptic species that took over would view us to be as primitive as we think of dinosaurs like dinosaurs are just dopey dopey monsters who are eating trees and eat each other and these next next people are going to be like, these fucking humans. These idiots. They used to drink alcohol and fuck.

What a bunch of fucking primitive beings. And record podcasts. Yeah, probably. Yeah. I mean, I think the next level of people would be like whatever they are in Black Panther. Whatever you call a Wakanda-ese. Yeah, where they got their mutant powers. Yeah, they're humans, but they have just these crazy... Humanoid forms.

But I mean, think about that. We went from gigantic monsters to these little frail, fleshy creatures. Where did we come from? Oh, yeah. I guess apes, right? Shout out to Curt Schilling. Why? Because he just doesn't believe in evolution,

you know? Oh, right. I forgot about that. He just doesn't get that. He's like, what's his thing? He's always just like, where did monkeys come from? His thing is always like, why are there still monkeys here? Right, right. Yeah.

Yeah, that's like a big Facebook post. If we even hear monkeys, why are there still monkeys? We just split off from monkeys. We divided into monkeys. It's not like we were a monkey and we turned into it. We're not human. We all agree on that. It's still normal.

If you just watch a video of a gorilla or a monkey, it's very obvious we're the same. The way they walk and move and the thumbs. We are exactly the fucking same. You give a gorilla a haircut, it's a human. If everybody wants, let's say a zillion years from now, the LeBron Jameses of the world, like, took over, like, mating-wise or whatever. That's a different fucking creature as far as I'm concerned. You know what I mean?

Like, if you were to compare, like, monkey bones to human bones and my human bones to LeBron Jameses' bones, you'd be like, there was a split in evolution here. You know? So it's like, yeah, professional athletes are aliens. That's what I'm saying. I think they're just more evolved than we are. I do wonder if other, like, if apes vary as much as humans vary. You know how, like, this guy's tall,

this guy's short, this guy's, you know, John's ugly, I'm hot. Like, it's, you know, there's a bunch of different ones. I was thinking even just, like, different species, not different species, but the different subsects within them. Like a gorilla is a professional athlete. Yeah. And then we are blue footed, blue, blue booted baboons, whatever they are. Blue, blue, blue butts.

Silver. No. Someone's got a butt. There's someone, there's a breed of monkey who's known for his butt. Yes. That's like us. We're like the idiots. We just got an ass.

We're baboons. Blue something baboons. I was thinking silverback gorillas. Silverbacks? Those are like the ones that fuck you up. Saying animal names. Yeah. But then like Nate's a chimpanzee.

And there's all. Nate's like the. Spider monk. Actually. Yeah. There you go. Spider monk. Right.

It's already been established. And yeah. There's different sized people. And different skilled people. Ellie is not the same species as Brandon Walker. Right. No way. There's evolution going on here.

And I don't know which one's ahead of which. Now. But yeah, I mean, that blew my mind. You know what this is kind of reminding me of? Ridiculous. Like a bunch of high people on a podcast. I don't know. No, this is kind of reminding me of a thought I had the other day because I've, I've, uh, the evolution

is making me think of pregnancy. Um, that's a crazy thing that we do, by the way, too. Pregnancy. We just grow, we just grow just grow people and people yeah and then we shit them out that's great but i was thinking about i've reached a stage in my life where like a lot of my friends are pregnant or you know gotten pregnant stuff like that so i've seen a lot in the last purpose not intentionally yeah it's a big like line of demarcation in life. The first time you have a friend get pregnant on purpose. It's like, whoa. Mind blown.

Yeah. For real? When you don't say, oh, I'm sorry. When your answer is not, what are you going to do? What am I going to do? I'm going to name it and build a nursery and nurture it. Not going to snuff it out in its embryonic stages. Okay. I'm not going to snuff it out in its embryonic stages, okay? But I've seen over the last two years,

I've seen a lot of pregnancy pictures and stuff like that. And I think the pose is so fucking funny to me. When they hold the belly? Every single time they hold the belly. Well, you know why? I thought, like, Samantha, between the last picture you posted and this one, all you've done is drank Budweiser Heavies.

Like, I had a pretty good feeling it was a fucking... It's almost like, I'm not fat, just pregnant. I get it. I know. You know what? You can just take a regular fucking ass picture. If a pregnant girl just had her arms at her side, again, if you're watching Barstool Gold, she would look ridiculous.

But I'm not even talking about pregnancy photos. I just mean, like, photos while pregnant. I'm not talking about, like, professional pregnancy photos. No, I know. I'm saying, if you were watching Barstool Gold, she would look ridiculous. But I'm not even talking about pregnancy photos. I just mean like photos while pregnant. I'm not talking like professional pregnancy photos. No, I know. I'm saying if you were just standing with your arms. Bro, I have a pregnant person's belly. I take pictures all the time without holding my belly. Yeah, you look weird.

You should start holding your fucking belly. I don't look that weird. Remember that time you like. I'm just like, I put one arm around. You just put your, literally just your fingertips in your pocket. That was weird. That was a weird one. But most of the time, I just take a picture.

I'm like, what's up? I got one hand here. I got one hand around the person I'm taking a picture with. You should just start rubbing their belly. What if I just start cupping my stomach? You know what you should do? I was just doing it a second ago. I was thinking you should do it like a running back receiving the football.

Just frame your belly. It doesn't make sense. Just take the goddamn picture, Tiffany. What are you doing? Why do you have to cup it and hold it? When's the fucking baby going to fall out and I'm just holding it? Just take the picture. When the husband or the guy will touch it too.

That's weird. It doesn't make any sense. Yeah. Because you know why? It's just fucking weird. It's like, hey, take this picture. And the girls are like, well, I look my absolute fucking worst right now. No, you're glowing. So I have to draw attention to the fact that there's a fucking human gestating inside of my body.

But I know that my stomach area is one of the worst features of mine. I don't have to make excuses for it. It's just like, whatever. Here it is. What am I going to do? Sorry. Hold it up. I had a heavy weekend. You're really pushing it out right now and like you are you are you're you know

what you are you're you're allowed to announce it now like that's how far along you are yeah it's been three months i get it pregnancy is another thing that like if you really break it down it sounds alien-ish or it's just like you know like i i inserted something inside of you and now there's a creature growing in you. He'd be like, that's the plot of a horror film. Right, right. And then like what's the movie where it pops out? Total Recall? Alien.

Alien? Yeah, is that the one where it rips through the belly? Yeah. I mean it doesn't quite rip through your belly, but it basically does. I mean I know it was parodied in Spaceballs. That's where I'm from. Right, right, right, right. Yeah, that's a great one.

Yeah, it's all weird. All the – hey, big baller. I think it was christy tegan who tweeted about she was like i'm busy turning food into a human sorry yeah that's what a pregnant woman i eat until a human grows speaking of your body doesn't what do you think of john legend sexiest man alive um i mean other than the fact that it wasn't me this year i I think I'm okay with it. You know, it's one of those things. He's obviously not the sexiest man alive. But I think they – Like, given the obvious, like, you know, if you're still sitting here arguing that he's not the best-looking person, you know, we are far beyond that.

Yeah. I mean, I think he's very funny. I think he's incredibly talented. I think he's a cool guy. I think – I think – Did you see Barbara Corcoran? Really not happy about it?

Barbara who? Barbara Corcoran from Shark Tank. Yeah? Yeah. Muscles and a strong jaw. That's what's historically sexy. And I agree. But here's the thing. I'm going to change that right now. Because Sexiest Man Alive should be

which guy do girls want to have sex with? And I think he checks a lot of those boxes. I think that's one of the boxes he doesn't really check. Really? Yeah. You think a guy who can serenade and sing and shit? I guess I wasn't even confident. Yeah, like if he sings all of you to somebody, she's fucked.

Yeah, but isn't it like if he was singing it to you, isn't it just like, you know, he doesn't need to be involved with specifically me? If I see him walking out of the room, I know about him. I think if girls see John Legend on stage, they want to fuck him. Yeah, but I almost do that. I guess if there's anything on a stage. I also don't know. If he's like five foot three or something, I'd take it back. I know he looks like Arthur.

I know that's like the joke show he says if he's like really i just think that he's like confident super talented like seems like witty and all that shit like if if a girl if he sits down with a girl and then he graduated like 16 too yeah that's what i mean it's like i think he's gonna be wrong on that i definitely went to pen i think the word is almost like impressive now and it's like if chrissy teigen when she was like you know a new supermodel on the scene was like i need to fuck this guy i'm pretty sure he's got sex appeal yeah that's true you know like now and it is it's almost gotten like political in ways with like because he's like so outspoken about his causes and shit but i'm pretty sure if you strip that down girls won won't fuck John Legend. Yeah. You don't think so?

I don't know. I think enough girls want to, but to call him the sexiest in the world, to beat out other musicians who are just better looking. I think every musician is talented. And talent turns a lot of women on. This is basically, we're taking the beauty pageant and we're turning it

into also intelligent. How funny are you? Yeah but i think with men that kind of matters more like i think girls like if you tell me like when they do the sexiest girl alive and it's not just a fucking dime with the perfect body i'm like this is stupid but girls are attracted to guys a lot of times because of the x factor stuff like when blake when it was blake shelton i was like i don't think he has the same like sex appeal as as like as john legend yeah like his like like a country singer is not going to do it for me as much as like a r&b like you know he can like oh i think girls love the country

singers because they at least have the the um what do you call it the appearance you know it's a pr company generated appearance, but they have the appearance of what a man is. Yeah, that's true. I don't give a fuck about that. I look like an aardvark. I guess I've actually talked myself out of this now. But it's just a stupid thing at this point.

It should just be Brad Pitt until he dies. You know what I mean? It's his until he's fucking dead. I very wholeheartedly agree with that. He's on the cover of GQ the other day or last month I think Jesus Christ dude leave some for the rest of us at every age, he did it when he was young

he did it when he was old he just knows how to fucking do it you see that Adam Sandler thing I did, that was very cool Adam Sandler, there's only one person in the world who can take a compliment less and be more awkward that was very cool i mean the the uh adam sandler there's only one person in the world who like can take a compliment less and be more awkward and that's john like if you were telling a story about when john did something cool yeah yeah yeah okay yeah like adam sandler just was waiting for

that story to be over the whole time he's like yeah okay maybe i don't know is that how it went down sure i guess so uh yeah next next fucking topic brad but yeah if you don't know it he uh there was one teacher and one professor acting professor at his i think i want to say i want you just because new york yeah um who said like yo dude you do you do not have the chops for this just quit now which when you think about it if you're an acting professor if you're a professor of anything like some kids are smart some kids are dumb and you just let them go on their way right you don't like actively be like, listen, kid, you're never going to be like an engineer or whatever it is. It's like you just let them try to figure it out. To be so bad or in your mind so bad that you have to actively stop them, you are wasting your time.

I think it's a heroic teacher. I think, well, I mean, he's – I think the world needs more teachers like that. You need more of those, but you need ones with a better radar apparently because Adam Sandler is with $400 million. So, I mean you could make the argument that nobody has ever been more wrong about anything. If you were a professional acting coach or teacher or whatever this guy is, and Adam Sandler was doing his stupid baby voice. Yeah. I mean like forgive me for not realizing that he was going to go on to write and collaborate.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're also – I mean like at the time of Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler and Dumb and Dumber and stuff like that, that humor played. So I can understand thinking that he wasn't like some thespian on stage like evoking – the crowd is like in tears. But he was wrong but anyway so adam sandler he ran into this this teacher like a zillion years later after he was super successful and he introduced him to his friends and rather than being like hey this is the one guy who told me i fucking suck he said this is the one professor who bought me a beer so the guy because he took him out and said like sit him down bought him a beer and tell him how much he sucks

but that's probably why you become a 340 million dollar man like that type of that just like that like outlook and he's not spiteful he's not petty he's not an asshole like that was he of all the people in all the world who haven't figured out the most he's the one adam sandler might be number one adam sandler once every 10 years does a movie to say, just so you know, I'm a fucking great actor. And then he says, I'll go do a Jennifer Aniston

movie with on Netflix that we'll film in the Caribbean. We'll do Jennifer Aniston. Don't start Brooklyn Decker in the mix. She'll come. He's stacking it. And guess what? He's not going to spend a dime of it. Because I saw a tweet that said he, Adam Sandler, looks like he always dresses like he's from

Manchester, New Hampshire. And it's the truest fucking tweet I've ever seen in my life. And that's just what he does. He's like, he's the fucking smartest guy. I'm going to wear what I want to wear. I'm going to film the movies I want to film. And just every once in a while, when you guys start getting a little chirpy about my bad movies, I'll drop an Oscar on you. And then I'm going to go back to my want to film. And just every once in a while when you guys start getting a little chirpy about my bad movies, I'll drop an Oscar on you.

And then I'm going to go back to doing my shitty movies. Has he won an Oscar? No, but I think Uncut Gems is. Yeah, the new one. Because people will say Click and there was that other one. Click, Rain Over Me, Punch Drunk Love, Spanglish. Those are just good movies that he's a great in. But I think this one might be the one that is really good.

Because a lot of them are still romantically involved. This one is a total departure. Where he's some fucking underworld. Brain Over Me, I think he was a homeless guy. Was he? Yeah. I love the idea of that. Just flex. I believe the plot of Brain Over Me.

He's a homeless guy who's a formerly great musician. Do you know what's weird? Close your eyes. Can you think of Adam Sandler's wife? Wife? Yeah. No. No, right?

I mean, I just looked her up. I'm like, I don't think I've ever seen this woman in my whole fucking life. I mean, clearly, she's out in a red carpet with him. It's not like she hides him or anything. No, I've never seen that woman before. But like, never. I've gone to my head. I have no idea what her name is.

Which is, I mean, I guess there are... Is she a brunette or a blonde? Brunette. Good guess. She's a brunette. 50-50, I have no idea. I mean... What's her name?

Jackie. Sandler. I mean, she's just like a fucking... She's just a woman. Like, she's, you know. That's crazy, though. I mean, that's probably the way to do it, too. It's like, just kept his family private, made his money,

did his thing, and he wears shorts everywhere. Man, you know who would be Adam Sandler? The answer to the internet would be a great one. I would say probably. I could see him being awkwardly like, I don't know. I guess

it's like a bathtub full of cheese. Oh boy, what have we got? Voicemails, no guests I guess it's like a bathtub full of cheese. Oh, boy. What do we got? Voicemails. No guests today. Just us two idiots. I got a little speaking of making money story for you. You're good at that.

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I was home in Boston. I went to a charity event. I don't really care for charity events, but I went to one. Why? Is it because everybody is smelling their own farts thinking yeah like everyone just thinks they're fucking i don't know i have fun i follow my friends but the the air around charity events is very like like i'm you know i'm a philanthropist and i'm helping fucking twenty thousand dollars you know yeah do you you bought a hundred dollar ticket yeah

to a place that's going to have free alcohol all night and hors d'oeuvres. You basically bought yourself a Groupon for a night out. I agree. All that stuff's donated, so you're not costing them money. You're just Trojan horse you're drinking and eating.

It's not that big a deal. Unless you're behind the scenes cutting a $100,000 check to like schools or whatever if you're at this event like walking around buying tickets and you're not that important you're not that rich you're not that famous you're not that you know whatever it's a good cause for sure whatever but you not that important not that important and it's just it kind of i don't know it irks me i don't care for it but anyway on sunday i, I went to see The Good Liar, which I found to be a tremendously enjoyable film.

What's that one? Ian McClellan and Helen Mirren. Do they fuck in that? That's a good couple to fuck. I don't think they fuck. I thought Ian McClellan was dead. Ian McClellan does ask for sex. She won't give it?

Doesn't seem to into it. But they met on a dating website they're they're a good liar um but anyway so i took an uber to go see the movie and i get in the uber and my guys got a beanie baby like glued to his uh dashboard and i was like oh shit i used to have that one and it was the beanie was slumped over it was what's on the chest and i said a heart he picked it up and it was a p sign i was like i knew it was something i knew it was something nice yeah same thing yeah and uh he said um he said you know i was the uh beanie baby the beanie king of massachusetts and i kind of just chuckled because i wanted to end the conversation because i made the mistake of talking i was gonna say i can't believe we're even going on this road yeah yeah and i was like and that was supposed to be where it ended and he was not into that idea

so he goes no i'm serious and at that point i had to participate again and i was like what do you mean and i'm happy i participated because he ended up being a really great guy uh bubari i believe his name was and um it's b-h-o-u-b-a-r-r-i um bubari would be i would imagine the best way to say that yeah but he uh he told me that he was the beanie king of Massachusetts. He had six stores at one point. And he was like, I was like, oh, dude, in that case, I bought like probably 100 beanie babies from you. He told me I put his kids through college.

But I was like, well, I mean, kind of stinks now, right? Like, here we are. Yeah, like you're driving me yeah and and he was like oh no no no no he's like he's like i just like i enjoy doing this you know it's nice to stay active and all that he's like i got out at the height he got out at the height of the beanie the beanie baby craze that's big money and he said it was he was like i he's like the whole time i was wondering like when is it gonna end because he's Because I couldn't believe stupid people thought they were actual investments. He's like, people come into the store. They buy a $5,000 stuffed toy elephant.

And it was a dark blue one. I forget what his name was. He had peanuts, maybe. It makes sense. And he was like, they would come in. They'd be like, do you have this one? It's an investment for my children's future. I'd be like, you stupid idiot. But here have this one it's an investment for my children's future i'd be like you stupid idiot but here you go there's your five thousand that that's an

investment for my children not yours bro but he was talking about how it's so crazy to me the way people's brains work it was nuts where it was like he was also continuing to laugh at people on ebay he's like i saw people on ebay asking for a thousand dollars for one today what are you nuts over um but the uh it's like he's talking about how he would go to conventions and he'd buy this one for 1500 thinking he could sell it for that and all this stuff yeah that's just to me that strikes me as such an exhausting way to live where it's just like it's almost like you're always scamming yeah but i think that's part of it but i think it's also that's just how your brain like i i was i was talking with this with some friends they were

like well yeah like but isn't it like exhausting to think of new things to talk about every day and no it's just like my brain works i just wake up right it's easy for me yeah this shit is fucking easy i guess that's the way that like his brain i know how to just like i like to get up and go yeah i can't imagine selling like i didn't do all that shit but i kind of did it with sneakers for a little bit when i when i saw like that i saw that I could buy a pair here, or this guy's like – you find someone on eBay who's just like, I don't have room in my apartment, so I'm just getting rid of them. I know that I can flip that.

I'm talking about hundreds of bucks, so it wasn't even like – the money didn't matter to me, but I liked the idea of scheming and scamming and hustling it. If you're doing that to the tune of thousands, I could see that. I get that i don't know if i'd ever go to like a convention and shit right but that's just so much work yeah but i guess again it's like it's just a way like this is what i do i sell the people i like that's how i get my rocks off i i get my rocks off by like someone someone laughs and they're like that was funny i mean you're selling the people though huh you're selling the people but i. Huh? You're selling to people.

But I'm not. It's not like the scheming aspect of it. And scheming sounds like a weird word. Yeah, I'm not accusing you of being nefarious or anything like that. I just mean like there is. The hustle is the better way to call it. But this isn't really hustling. This is creating something.

I like to create things. I like to create laughter. I like to create laughter. I like to create fun. I like to create shirts. Yeah, I like creating things, but if it was up to me, then I had to go sell them. Guess what? Those shirts don't get made. I'm just like, I'm not doing that. I'm an

ideas guy. That we have proved. That we know for fucking certain, man. Yo, the Beanie Baby craze was a wild one, man.

I mean, that was like... I forgot we were on camera. Someone just saw me. Pick your nose? Not pick a piece

of chocolate. Eat it. I don't know where it's from. Wait, what? I just picked up a piece of chocolate.

How old do you think it could be? It's probably from the chocolate bar in the state. Oh, okay. But I'm not sure. If I was a betting man, I would say it's from the chocolate bar in Tennessee. I found this box here. Where did these come from? These have been back here for a while.

Yeah, those do not eat that while you're recording. You will not be able to talk for like 15 minutes, you motherfucker. The solo part of the show begins now. The Beanie Babies were like, if I had a kid at the height of Beanie Babies, I would have slaughtered them and killed them. Yo, I made my dad miss flights. I made my dad miss international flights. Did you get beanie babies?

He was in Montreal for work once, and I was like, yo, they got this. You got the Canadian flag. You got to get that. He ran around to like six stores. I mean, I would kill my kid. I would kill my kid. I went to round two the other day, the sneaker place, and there was this kid, like a teenager, and his parents were just sitting in the corner.

And they clearly were just like there to shop like let him shop and he was just like grabbing every supreme sweatshirt in sight and i was just like oh man i would i would slaughter my children dude that's what my brother was for a while my brother yeah but your brother at least like like there was some value in it you know he knows what he's talking about he worked there for a while this was just like, when he was like 13. Yeah. So I guess that's where it starts. Yeah. So maybe that's why you do it.

Yeah. He was, my brother like lived at Bodega. He was like, like Bodega's mascot. Yeah. He got the job there, right?

Right. He did eventually get a job there, but I don't think what my parents were when he was 13, buying him expensive sneakers. Right. Take it like one day. One day. He'll have a summer job here.

Yeah. It wasn't a summer job. He went to Northeastern, so he worked there, but the, what was he going to northeastern so he worked there but uh the um what's he gonna say i did what i saw someone say once that the beanie babies are we're always filled with spider eggs and they're it's about time they start hatching and then it was like imagine that imagine if like kids were just like look at my collection

dude we have spiders come crawling out. My little sister used to babysit these kids and sometimes she'd bring them to the house and my mom would be like, oh, we have this. We have a coffin of Beanie Babies. It's like two

long plastic bins just stuffed to the brim with PDABs. And these kids would just like – our kitchen has very high ceilings. And so they would try and throw them up at the skylights, and they'd all just land on our cupboards and stuff like that. And my mom would always just sit there. She'd be like, if you'd have told me in 1994 that we would be spending thousands of dollars on things that are going to land in the cupboard and we're never going to get them again,

that would be really disheartening. We probably have, on top of our cupboards in our kitchen now, because of those kids, we probably have 70 Beanie Maidens up there. Yeah, you probably have like $10,000 up there. I never was in on it. I mean, I had them, but I never like collected them. My cousin did though, and he had like, they were in on it. Huge.

That is, you know what? That's the thing. Like if I could like time travel, I would invent one of those things. Forget about the betting almanacs. Forget about, you know, like technology. I wish I could like go back in time and manipulate people to think that like xyz fucking pet rock bitch yeah right i mean that was the greatest scam ever that dude just goes on his backyard put a rock in a box but here's a pet you go 20 bucks here's a pet you

know what i would do too i'd go back in time thought about this today you know he's probably a fucking bajillionaire the guy who manufactures those little fucking bubble plastic things that toys and vending machine comes out of. Quarter machine. Oh, yeah. There's someone out there who's like, I got the patent on those bubbles with the snap top. And if you want to ever sell these little fucking toys, you got to come to me. Brilliant. Probably the same guy who invented the pizza table.

Oh, the pizza table is the best. The pizza table is the king. It's like, let's just sit here and figure one of those out. Let's just do it. Can't do that. Why not? It's got to strike you. Because thinking happens in conversation.

Well, we've been conversating for fucking 10 years and nothing's coming out of it. Well, you said sit here. You can't just sit here and do it. I mean, actually, fucking things have come out of it. We just haven't gotten rich from it. Fucking ATI's on sale. Go to Walmart and buy it. Let's do a question before we get into our voicemails.

Buy it from the store at Barstool. Buy it from Barstool. Buy it wherever the fuck you are. I don't give a shit. If you could be any superstar athlete in any sport, but you couldn't have sex, would you do it? No. What's the point of being a fucking superstar if you can't fuck? Yes, absolutely.

Just to be rich and live that life? I mean, just to like, I don't even care about the money. I care about the admiration. Yeah. I think I would just like to be, I would like, you know what I always think? Like to be admired? I like, and we will never be this level of fame or importance. I like to be rich enough or famous enough to where I can do something nice for a kid, and he gives a shit.

It's a great goal to aspire to. Yeah. Like, I want a kid to be like, oh, that's, like, I like John Feidelberg. Yeah. And I'm like, kid, you can fucking work and grind and be John Feidelberg. What about that kid who, like, always gets our autographs on our pictures, that little guy, Matt? He's not kid enough. I mean, kid kid.

Like, eight-year-olds? Yeah, like, sub-ten. Okay. You need to be... Yeah, like right now they'd be like, get the fuck away. Who the fuck? Dad! Dad! Stranger danger! Yeah, like what is it? There's never gonna be... I'm not in the line of work, really, where

children look up to you and they'll be like, wow, that's my god, that's John! There goes John. I love John. Like, here's an autograph, kid. Keep working on your dreams and if I was a star athlete whether or not I fucked I could do that

and I think that's a very nice thing to do I got a bad feeling that you're never going to be that guy I got a great feeling I'm never going to be that guy I know I'm never going to be that guy I'll never be the person I want to be I mean that's a tough realization when you figure that out you're never going to be person you want it to be like everybody almost everybody

except for like lebron james goes through that i feel like john really wants to do this because remember he tried to be a big brother he like tried to sign up for that kid yeah you have those thoughts you do go to these charity events they told me no thanks we gotta that now that is the most underrated kfc radio i don't know if i ever told it no i don't think so you know it though right i know yeah i think i just told it like i think we're just hanging around the office i feel like you don't talk unless you're getting paid well then do tell okay so i wanted to join this is the most underrated storyline literally and one of the funniest things fucking ever uh at kfc radio is brought to you by quip quip is the uh electric toothbrush and electric uh it's the electric toothbrush it's the floss and brush head company

it's a whole thing it's not just toothbrush you get everything you need to make sure you got clean pearly white teeth uh from this company they deliver it all in such a way they make it idiot proof so like the toothbrush you know exactly uh how long to brush because it vibrates and pulsates when you're supposed to move it and change it the floss and i actually like this the floss has a mark on how much you're supposed to use. Oh. Because I'll be honest, the semi-annual flossing I do, I'm like yanking that thing out like it's the fucking hose, getting it out. I have to wrap it around my fingers like 10 times before I even have it.

I look like I'm ready to go strangle someone to death, like I'm an assassin. So they get the floss right, and then the brush heads get delivered to you every three months so that you switch out your brush heads so your bristles are all on point and uh as long as you get in the good habits of using these things you're gonna have good teeth two minute brushes 30 second pulses 25 bucks to get the toothbrush the three month uh deliveries come and the uh the uh i've been eating milk milk duds you're gonna need those i'm gonna need this if i equip if you're listening i'd like

another free one, please, because last time you sent me one, it got stolen off my desk. You should be like Quip's spokesman where it's just like, we saved John Feidelberg's teeth. We can do anything. This man, he goes to bed with milk duds, like eating away at the enamel. Also, I do it in my pocket. My pocket. Go to getquip.com slash KFC.

G-E-T-Q-U-I-P dot com slash KFC. 25 bucks, and you get your first refill for free. That's getquip.com slash KFC. You got no hands. You got no hands. It's a good episode for Barstool Gold, by the way. You should watch. Barstoolgold.com slash KFC.

Say F-K. Yeah, KFC. There it is. Say F can't use your mother uh okay so the year is two years ago whatever year that was god you know what the problem is like a real problem like if you said to me like because i i knew the story but i don't remember when it was if you were like you know the year was 2010 and it's like yeah man like you're a fucking idiot you're a kid yourself you don't know what you're doing by two years ago you had created saturdays for the boys the podcast is cooking you're the elder statesman at barstool sports a major media company now you're you're 29 you're 28 at that point i would guess by 28 29 28 29 that's when it was two years ago. Almost a 30-year-old man.

Tracks. You go to this charity and you say what? So I just wanted to – I forget what it was. It was not Big Brother. I honestly forget the name. It was a Big Brother-type organization in Brooklyn. And they have an incredible success rate of taking inner city kids who are not from great homes things like that and you spend saturdays with them and uh do you yeah you just kind of hang out you just do shit

they help with homework stuff like that i mean just the fucking synergy of saturdays are for the boys is right there too like they couldn't and i decided i i really wanted to be a part of it and uh in retrospect it's good that i wasn't because it's really something I couldn't really commit to. Yeah. There are just like, I don't know, we work on weekends. I go out on Friday nights. You would lose interest in this immediately. A lot of times this kid probably wouldn't.

The organization has no blame in this. None. But so I reached out and I really wanted to be involved. I wanted a kid. I wanted to help him out. And I think I joke, but I think I would have been pretty good. I think I'd be a good guy to be around. Yeah.

And I was probably told no thank you. They wanted no i mean i think i'm gonna make an excuse for myself i think because the um here we go the pride of this organization is the place college placement like like something like 97 of these kids end up going on four-year colleges or something like that right and i did not graduate from college so i think it's more that than they googled me and saw everything i've done for the last 10 years yeah um maybe i i could be wrong it's probably you know what it's a combination i was gonna say they were like i mean this is a company they have a like you said like a remarkably high success rate of putting people through college, and that's because they have great mentors, and they weed out the ones they don't think

are going to work. They took one search in my fucking Twitter history. We're all good. They're just like, you just called Mason Rudolph a cunt? This kid didn't even go to school on Mondays. How the fuck are we going to let him mentor the children? Yeah, they thank you to them for buying the barcelona gold.com slash kfc he just threw

from a family that just throws balloons full of comma windows which is the gold episode this week I mean what's the lesson at the end of the day the one thing I learned don't throw balloons full of comma at the fucking garage I honestly forget the lesson

no I think that was it I think I was it. That was it. I think I might have a no Mondays, a Mondays off kid myself. Keegan is just, school's not for him. It's just not his scene.

He just doesn't like it. And I'm kind of like, I feel you, bro. We're men who are ahead of our time. Yeah, really. Yes, look, sooner or later,

it's going to be a full day work week. You can mentor my kid. Okay. Done. You can achieve your dream and you can hang out with him on Mondays

when he doesn't go to school. Perfect. Uncle John. Done deal. Yeah, he's just like, nah, I don't want to do that. And it's funny. He's actually the most

like agreeable kid to almost anything else. He'll be like, dad, let's play hide and seek. And I'm like on the couch. I'm like, do you want to watch fucking Bubble Cup?

He's like, okay. Like he just goes with the flow. We try to hype him up. Like, hey, let's play hide and seek. And I'm on the couch. I'm like, do you want to watch fucking Bubblegum Beats? He's like, OK. He just goes with the flow. We try to hype him up. Like, hey, you excited for school? No! No! Screaming. I'm like, all right.

And I'm kind of just like, OK. Then I don't know. Yeah, that's what my mom always says. She's like, I wasn't fighting with you. Whatever. I don't fucking care. I'm not going to punish myself. I wasn't skipping college.

You're skipping second grade. Yeah, he's fucking two. I'm like, I don't care. What. Whatever. I don't fucking care. I'm not going to punish myself. I wasn't skipping college. I was skipping second grade. Yeah, he's fucking two. I'm like, I don't care. What was I missing? Yeah. Everything I missed didn't matter. Everything I did learn. I mean, they're teaching you how to read.

Didn't matter. But I still could learn to read in four days. I was that advanced. Oh. I only need Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday lessons. I don't give a shit about Monday lessons. Spin zone. All right. Voicemails now are brought to you by Movement. I only need Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday lessons. I don't give a shit about Monday lessons. Spin zone.

All right. Voicemails now are brought to you by Movement. I saw the Movement watch commercials, man. Just like, it's crazy. They just made watches and sunglasses, something that's been around forever. They just did it in a sexier way, in a more affordable way. They just became a bajillion dollar company. You know, I sit here.

I'm like, let's think of things. Let's come up with something. And they were just like, let's just take something that's already been around and do it much better. Like, there's a billion watches, a billion sunglasses out there. They were just like, nah, we'll do it easily. We'll do it like this way so they don't spend money on it. Fuck. Let's do that.

All right. This is like shoes, but cheap. What? That's not going to work. Well, it did for them. It fucking did for them. They are a goddamn movement all around the world. Millions of watches sold.

Millions of sunglasses sold. And this is the go-to spot, if you ask me, for the holidays. If you're buying. Guys and girls, but guys. I always like to give guys gift ideas because they're harder to buy for girls you just know the classics jewelry and all that and bags and fashion and all that stuff guys my mom is feuding with me right now over i refuse to give her a list just like give me stuff to buy you like i don't know john how about i give her a list of stuff i need and And just pass it on to me.

I don't need anything. I'm very simple. I know, you really are. I'm a simple man. Just be like, just give me tobacco, Mom. I don't do that anymore. Tower Patch Kids. No, that's...

Give me candy. Candy! If you are buying stocking stuffers or nice... If you've got a secret, it's a great secret Santa because it's affordable. And if you want to get you or yourself or whoever else a nice holiday gift this season, MVMT does it. It also comes in, like, really nice gift boxes. So, you know, it's like less work. It's like, oh, boom, right there.

It looks like it's all dolled up for you to open up. They have the watches. They have the sunglasses. They have the regular eyeglasses. They got it for guys and girls. And the best part is it's all affordable. The watches start They have the sunglasses. They have the regular eyeglasses. They got it for guys and girls. And the best part is it's all affordable. The watches start at just $95. Clean design, minimalistic look, high-quality materials,

materials that are used in the designer watches that are way, way more expensive. Two million watches in over 160 countries. So you know they are the real deal, Holyfield. Go to MVMT.com slash KFC and get 15 percent off plus free shipping and free returns. Join the movement today. Go to MVMT dot com slash KFC. What's up, gentlemen? So my girlfriend's a big a big closed captions when watching TV shows, and I am the complete opposite. And for the reason that if you have closed captions on, you are simply reading and you are missing the entire point of a TV show, right? I mean, you can't tell me that you can read the closed captions and watch the

action. You can watch characters and read that. There's simply no point for closed captions. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. You stupid goddamn idiot. You are less evolved than the rest of us. I just told you I learned to read in four days instead of five. You think I can't read fucking words

and watch the TV? You think I can't see people on a screen and read words at the same time? I mean, Jesus Christ. Give me a fucking break. You are such a stupid person. I'm not even going to talk about how absolutely idiotic and nonsensical and asinine you are when it comes to like you can't see both things at the same time.

That's just stupid. But the final statement is really the most egregious one of all. Like the one that really offends me to my core. That makes me know that you are lesser than. That you are lesser than that you are idiotic and of lesser value than the other humans around me in this room saying that there's no purpose like if you have a problem with the way it looks or the way whatever fine but no purpose i mean you're not even you're not even you're not even watching the show unless you're reading the

show yeah the amount of character names that you forget that you won't when you're reading it. The plot details that you pick up on when you read it. Sometimes little things like if there's a TV on in the background, it'll tell you what's being said. Sometimes that plays into it. Little things. How about in Game of Thrones, you would have missed that fart. Personally, I didn't like that fart. But the only reason I knew it said fart noise in the captions.

Things like the smallest little details that actually make it so much better. I don't put it on for everything. I'm not going to put it on for, like, you know, comfort TV. I'm watching a real show. Oh, I have it on for everything. Yeah? I have it on for absolutely everything, including, unfortunately, live sports. Oh, no, you can't do that.

Can't figure out how to turn it off. Once you've committed, you've committed. That's it. Oh, no, you can't do that. Can't figure out how to turn it off. Once you've committed, you've committed. During the World Series on TBS, they inexplicably put it in the middle of the screen. Because they were like, no one's ever going to turn this off. So I couldn't even see the strike zone. But I battled through it. That's crazy.

Battled through it. That is crazy. The only time I'll turn it off is if it's not synced up right. Like if it's too far ahead. Right. Oh, in the live sports, it's an hour behind. Disaster if it's not synced up right. Like if it's too far ahead. Right. In the live sports, it's an hour behind. Disaster. It's not even close. Of course, because how does that work? Someone's sitting there typing what Joe Buck says in real time?

It's impossible. No, I don't think it's typing. I think it's just speak to type. Whatever it is. No. But also, my biggest reason, not biggest, but one of my biggest reasons for the closed captioning is, one, my inability to hear. I have real shitty hearing, so I need to have a closed captioning on. Two, it gives my mind something to do.

So I don't ever have that desire to grab my phone because I'm fucking reading the TV and I'm reading it very quickly and still watching the TV. And it's not like, oh, here's a little bit of a lull. This seems like a boring conversation. I'm watching TV, so I'm fucking watching TV. I've never once been like, hang on, I got to rewind because I wasn't looking at that, you know? Yeah. Like, I'm much more prone to be like, hang on,

what did she say there? I missed it. And rewind to listen. And I'm never reading the subtitles and being like, hang on. Did he shoot him or not? I can't did, you know,

did he punch him in the face? I can't tell. Cause I was reading the bottom. I always know what is happening on the screen. Never once have I missed it. Yeah. You buffoon. You don't have to be some goddamn chameleon with your eyes, like darting in different directions to figure this all out.

Talking about one fucking screen here. Maybe if you're in a fucking IMAX screen or something. I don't know. But on a regular-ass TV, your eyes can certainly soak it all in. Unless you are a fucking moron like you. Dipshit. You know what? This kid just doesn't know how to read.

Yeah. He doesn't know how to read. Yeah. That's why you listen to our podcast because we're full of idiots too. But we're smarter than you, you idiot. Fucking illiterate moron. You're just jealous your girlfriend can read. Dyslexic-ass bitch.

You know what? I'm going to go watch your fucking TV just jealous your girlfriend can read. Dyslexic ass bitch. You know what? I'ma go watch your fucking TV shows with your girlfriend. I'ma read those subtitles and fuck your girl. Idiot. What's up? KFC fights Super Producer BC. First time

on the line. Okay, so to get into it, I've been seeing this girl pretty casually for a couple months now, two, three months. Not very intensely, once or twice a week, nothing special. So we were doing a little Netflix and chill action at my place,

a relatively common occurrence, you know, start going at it whatever and afterwards sort of get into the conversation of uh a point of the movie we were watching and how i noticed it and she didn't and the point being is that i noticed it because i was getting my dick sucked and watching what was on TV. Pretty much she thought it was absolutely out of line and rude that I could even pay attention to something that's on the television while we were having sex or about to be having sex. I responded being like, wait, so you're telling me if I'm going down on you, you're not, you know,

just thinking about things, looking at the TV, whatever it is, you're absolutely not. It was sort of offended by it, so, yeah. Suck better dick, bro. No way. Yeah. No, I mean, listen, if you're giving me such bad head that i'm like

interested in the tv show that's on you no no and like the reason why you're not doing that when i'm going down on you is because i'm just getting down in there i brought my lunch pail to work i'm going to town and you can't think about anything other than the gushing ecstasy you're experiencing you giving me your fucking lame toothy head. I was watching my Netflix show. I mean, look, I'm a baby who like you put me in front of a TV. I'm going to watch. I'm just going to stare at it. Like you can do things to me.

Well, honestly, it kind of is disrespectful. It definitely does. I'm saying it's very disrespectful. Like you should. It's like if I close, if I can turn the tv off even if i'm like really into this blowjob and i want to respect your oral skills if a television's on i'm just gonna watch it this is like would you just can't have it on would you rather watch but the thing is you have something visible to look at it's not like there's nothing it's like would you rather

well i mean this show or this girl suck on your dick? Probably the show. And this is why. And you're right. And this is why she's mad. Yeah, exactly. Like, you tell me, look, I got Hobbs and Shaw on TV. I got a fucking some hair. Oh, no, that's not it.

A sphere of hair bobbing up and down. That's actually perfect, though. You don't even like Hobbs and Shaw. You said it. I know. You'd rather watch that thing. I'd still rather watch it. Fuck it.

A bunch of shit exploding. If there's a bunch of shit exploding on TV, guess what's not exploding? My dick. Because I focus on that stuff. You know what you should do? You've got to be like...

You've got to be like... You've got to like... You've got to like get her on the TV somehow. You've got to like put out one of those closed circuit cameras. Be like, I got to, you got to like get her on the TV somehow. You know, like, you know, put out one of those like closed circuit cameras. Like, all right, I'll fucking, I want to see this alternate angle anyway. Cause you said, yeah, I'm just looking at the top of your head. If I could see like, like a porn side of you sucking my dick, I'd probably watch that.

Well, now we're cooking. Now we're cooking, right? Now, see, we're ideas guys. Like we said, you set up a tripod, you got a camera. It's not being broadcast anywhere. It's just filtering back to the TV. Yeah, Chromecast your blowjob on the TV. I don't want a tripod anywhere because then I'm in it.

And I do not want to be in the shot. You can set it up in such a way. Or you want to have the camera moving around. No, I think I want a GoPro hanging from your chest. Got it. Pointing at me. What? So like an under dick shot.

Like a Mike Adriano shot. I thought you wanted like your face. No, fuck off. Your face is in the way. So you want like your undercarriage. I would watch the shit out of that. Because you see like the spit. I mean, Mike Adriano is a fucking visionary for a reason, bro.

Okay? He was the guy who was like i'm just gonna there are a couple of ways you can say the mike adriano shot i know yeah yeah yeah that's so true he's got he's got his hand on a bunch of it he's got his signature look like times three but yeah i feel like he was the first guy who was just like you know what that weird like those weird like creases and your ass crack like yeah we can show that don't worry people will watch it like i feel like there was a point where porn directors were like you know and the guys wearing the fucking scuba suits now it's like the man you can't see anything don't even show the dick asians are still pixelating it and then there were guys who were just like listen you're gonna have to see my asshole do you really want to do

this the right way and you know what it's it's one of those things where who were just like, listen, you're going to have to see my asshole. Do you really want to do this the right way? And you know what? It's one of those things where it's just like people will watch. No, we're going to lose everyone. No, they'll stick around. It's like when social media changes something. Twitter, we're going to lose all their subscribers. No, people will tweet. People will still go on Instagram no matter what the change is.

I like whether he's even got the things now where he's got – first of all, he's got – shout out to Mike. He's doing well. He's got people working under him now. He's not in all Mike Adriano films. I know. I know. But there is also like – I do – it's like there are like lawyers who job out like lesser lawyers.

I like the guy – you sign up for him. You get him. I do like when I see Mike Adriano working. They're big into the rim job game over there. There's one guy, I don't think it's Mike, who shaves everything, obviously, but he doesn't know when to stop. It's just like a line of demarcation, I think he just goes until he's tired.

He just shaves like, it seems like he's like shorts length. It's like boxer length. There's no reason to have that much hair shaved. You just get in your butthole like, dude. Just not licking your inner thigh. It doesn't need to be waxed over there, man. But for some reason,

like it's like, it would be one thing if you did like full quad, that would make more sense. But it's like half just like 84 NBA short length. John, the John Stockton, he goes to the, he goes to the,

like the wax place. Cause he was John Stockton. Anyway, I don't even know. What was the question? TV. When you watch TV, you get your dick sucked.

I think the girl has every right internally to kind of be upset, but you can't... This is one of those things you can't pick a fight over. I think I would... But honestly, I was joking in the beginning,

but honestly, if she's giving you some fucking Adriana Chechik head, I really don't think you'd be watching the Hobbs and Shaw. I really don't think you would. Yeah, probably. If you were giving me, and if you give me something to listen to, I will watch you suck my dick. You feel me?

You gotta stimulate all five senses here. If I can smell you giving me head, I am not watching what's on the TV. Producer Cam. this year if i can smell you giving me head i am i am not watching what's on the tv the uh producer cam the but i think i feel like i'd almost be turned on by it by like if we're like almost like the thing would say like doggy like i was looking at the wall she's like could you fuck me so i can watch tv like hell yeah fuck yeah i can yeah i'm down with that that's that that's the difference between men and women. If I saw this happening, I would never be like... But then you can both watch TV. What if you couldn't?

What if only she... If she's on top, I'd be fine with it, too. Do you mind if we spin this way so I can watch TV? No, that would bother me. Not because I'm offended about the sex. I'd be like, well, now you're watching a show and I'm not. Only if you tell me exactly what's happening. Right.

Narrate. Give me closed captions yeah and also i think the tv is way less disrespectful than like if you're on your phone oh yeah you grab your phone that's just like i'm so disinterested in this stimulation that it doesn't even fucking affect me that's tough girl ever breaks out her phone i'm just killing myself uh yeah i don't know it's a difference between men and women like i don't think we'd ever complain about that. Girls would. Certain things men and women are never going to agree upon.

But I think there's one thing that we all can agree upon, and that's that nurses and doctors and dentists and people who work in the medicine and health care are pretty awesome people who deserve to look, feel comfortable, look good, and wear, you know, basically a uniform to work that makes them nice and comfortable and comfy as uniform. Hell yeah.

And that's the thing is that it doesn't have to just be nurses and doctors and people in the medical profession. The scrub game is for everybody. The scrub game is one in the same with team indoors. It's like to go back to evolution. It's like we're kind of cut from the same cloth. We've been coming from the same lineage. You rock the scrubs indoors, hanging out on the couch,

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They got antimicrobial properties to make sure you neutralize odors. So if you stanky, you're not going to be when you rock your scrubs pants. So go get yourself a set of scrubs matching tops and bottoms. If you work in the industry or a doctor or a nurse, you got to get them. And if you're not and you're just hanging out, you want to be comfortable and functioning, you got to get yourself some figs too. So go to wearfigs.com, W-E-A-R-F-I-G-S.com. Use the promo code KFC and you get 15% off your purchase of scrubs.

That's wherefigs.com, promo code KFC, 15% off to get yours kfc fights bc i have a quick who's the asshole here okay i'm a bartender and there's two guys that were sitting at the bar and another guy that came up to him quick background the other guy he's a homosexual guy an older guy and he's kind of aggressive toward other people. And he goes up to these two guys, and he buys them a drink. He starts talking. I don't think anything of it. I've seen it a bunch of times. Not a big deal.

The two guys involved, they're like 30-year-olds or adults. They get up after the situation. They leave. The older guy pays their tab. Life goes on. About 20 minutes later, I'm cleaning. One of the other guys from that group of two, he comes down and cusses me out, saying I'm allowing a predator in the bar, saying I'm the biggest asshole to ever live

because I didn't tell him this guy was creepy. I'm just wondering, should I have told these two guys that this guy's a little weird? Or are they adults and allowed to make their own decisions in life? Viva. It's now the responsibility of the bartender to point out everyone in a bar who's creepy? That'll be your whole fucking job. How are you supposed to sling drinks if you have to point out every creep in the bar? Bars are 90% creeps.

If you're, I think it's different with guys. I think if it was a woman, I think you have to kind of say something. But if it's guys. Oh, yeah, yeah. If it's guys, you'd be like, yeah, I got it. I'm an adult man talking to another adult man. I'll tell you what, though. Yes, but you better be fucking right.

Like, you can't run around accusing people of being predators what if I mean that guy's always here but that's but you know if someone comes up to you and complains that you're letting a predator run around the bar it's like if a guy like if his pickup line didn't land like he's not a fucking predator

no but I don't think that's what would draw someone to say it I do think a bartender has some responsibility in knowing who's in the bar and maybe they don't have to deal with i don't know what kind of bar this was but like maybe tell the bouncer like yo this guy's been handsy he's always here i think the always here is the problem uh like the thing like if someone comes into the bar listen if you're touching people you're it's a problem it's a problem right but if like someone's in the bar, listen, if you're touching people, it's a problem. Right. But if, like, someone's in the bar for the night and they're acting, like, a little weird and maybe it's, like, off-putting to you or you see, like, a couple people or, like, you know, that didn't work, I don't think you can run around.

I don't think you can, like, fucking label them anything. I think you can kick them out. What would you kick someone out for? If they're bothering other patrons and they're ruining the time, that's, like, what you're – that you if they are if they're out for if they're bothering other patrons and they're ruining the time that that's like what you're that's what you are as a bar but like what would you qualify as bothering if people were like to get away and he like stays around and no like leave me alone it's like making a scene not like uh no thanks i don't want to talk to you all right what if he like talks to a girl and she's like no way and he leaves and goes to another girl and that and he gets shut down by that girl and he just like goes on from girl and she's like no way and he leaves and goes to another girl and that and he

gets shut down by that girl and he just like goes on from girl to girl i think it's if you kick someone out of a bar for striking out but i probably is you're not watching you're not watching like i'm not saying like you observe this guy getting shut down complaints are made yeah and like if like someone complains like yeah that guy is too much and then like another person comes that guy's too much i think like i think comes, like, that guy's too much. I think basically two complaints. You're like, dude, get the fuck out of here. You're making it not a fun time for the regular people here. I'd be quick with the trigger with kicking people out.

Get the fuck out of here, dude. Like, John would have a bar. Like, you don't want a bar to be empty. Yeah. Like, this guy. He's trying to hit on girls, and he's like, you're sloppy drunk, you're gone. Like that's what people do. They go to bars, they get drunk

and they try to fuck people. I fucking snitched on a guy yesterday afternoon. Yeah? Got kicked out of a bar. Yeah. What? He fell asleep at the bar.

He was like, he was next to me and he's asleep and I was just like, just fucking nap, dude. Like you've never fallen asleep somewhere. Yeah, I should have. Someone should have sent me home. Yeah.

Yeah. That's the difference. It's like,'ll kick people out but like we'll know that we deserve to be kicked out a lot of the time too right yeah there are plenty of times i've enforced my own rules i'm also not like i'm definitely not a creeper i don't i don't talk to people um but like i i'm i'm never like i saw someone at that event on on friday on sat where it was like, they looked like a cartoon version of a drunk. Where it's like, everything's disheveled. All this stuff. I think I pretty much keep it together. I look normal.

I don't really slur that much, I don't think. John would kick people out of a bar if their shirts were untucked. Yeah. Do you look like an idiot? You're out. Dude, I'm stone cold sober. I just don't have a good sense of fashion. Well, then you're double out.

You're really not allowed. I had seen this guy in the bathroom. I was going to take a piss during this Pats game. And he was like, he was standing up in the urinal, like, leaning back like this. He's going, uh. To the point where, like, I was like, I don't know if this guy's shit-faced or mentally challenged. And then that's when you're so, you're like, so drunk, you're R-word, it's like, wow. And then we got back to the bar, and I was sitting there, and I was probably there for like 10 minutes or so,

and I just saw him falling asleep, and I was just like, hey, this guy's going to fucking go. He's ruining my experience. Because I'm just like, is he going to fucking fall into me next? Get him out of here. So the girl blowing your dick is not going to distract you, but the guy sleeping next to you is too much of a problem. It would distract me. The woman blowing my dick would definitely distract me. Just be watching the TV.

Let's get to our last voicemail. We're going to give you the boot after this episode the same way you got to go get your Thursday boots. If you know them, if you know us, then you know them. We're one and the same. They're good guys over there. They've been riding with us from the beginning. They've done our quality custom boots, and you can get your own handcrafted boots

sold at honest prices over at Thursdayboots.com. So make sure you get yours for the fall and winter at Thursdayboots.com. Hey, KFC. It's BC. So I live in an apartment building, and it is the third night in a row that I have heard my next neighbor play Titanic movie followed by extremely loud porn.

Three nights in a row. One after the other. Hell of a night. Three hours of Titanic followed by porn. Am I impressed with these people? Or should I hate them?

Was she drowning on the Titanic as she left the voicemail? I think I'd be impressed. I don't know what it's about, but I'm intrigued. That's been nine out of 72 hours watching Titanic. That's so much time. That's so much fucking time we've been watching Titanic. And then some sex mixed in.

So like nine hours, 20 minutes? I don't understand people who just do stuff like this in the sense that, like, why can someone else hear you? Some of these, you know, some of these apartments have thin walls. Yeah, but even then, like, I don't know. You're like Blast and Titanic. I don't, I'm very self-conscious about my porn i my porn i keep it at very low volume or headphones um so you would never hear me watch porn but tv i'll only put up on a lot of volumes the headphones is a dangerous game though like i

don't like noise canceling headphones because i don't like to be like completely unaware of my surroundings yeah yeah yeah i agree like if i if i'm walking the streets of new york with noise canceling headphones i feel like i'm like a bum could be coming at me screaming and yelling, and I wouldn't know it. Sirens could be going. Cars could be weaving off the street, and I wouldn't even know because I was just all canceled out. If I got porn blasting in my headphones, I don't hear footsteps. I don't hear doors. You never know.

People are going to catch you. Yeah, well, I'll go. Usually if it's a one-in in, one out or a half volume. I'll go one in, one out if I'm not locking the door. Sometimes you just straight up lock it and you're just like – Yeah. If someone's going to come in here, they're going to really try and come in here and I'll know at that point when the ax comes through the door. God willing.

I think – I know you're not like into listening to your neighbors. I am. I would you're not into listening to your neighbors. I am. I would love to. I listen to all my neighbors. The other day, my neighbors got in a fight. Boy, this guy. They're old. They're old people.

And it just goes to show that you're motherfucked for the rest of your life once you're married. These people, I mean, they got to be, they're retired now. No kids in the house. I don't know, 70. And she was mad that he got her flowers for her birthday. What does that mean? And you'll appreciate this. She goes, I don't like the smell of flowers.

It reminds me of my father's funeral. And he's like, I'm sorry. And she's like, well, it's not about just that it's about your lack of effort in your gift giving and then he like comes back and they're just like an arms race just build it up and eventually she goes i'm sorry that my father died when i was 11 and i was like you are fucked dude like you are so fucked like if you get to the point where your girl is like i'm sorry my dad died as a child you are so fucked you've lost that that argument and you've lost the next like three months man just say you're sorry you got

the flowers and fucking go get another gift yeah i don't it's almost like how does he not know that's the thing and that's where that's where it's always like i see this with my mom and dad where my mom will be like so fucking awful to my dad and i'm like god you bitch and then i see like what my dad did i'm like god you're fucking stupid you know it's like like yeah he's been married for probably like 40 years he probably gets her flowers every year and she's probably like i fucking hate these stop doing it took her till she was like 70 to just blow up. I have a confession. I get the headphones thing now.

What? I get the table pop. Yeah? You heard it? Once you've said it, now it bothers me all the time. It's not those ones that bother me. It's the little touches. Whatever works, guys. Whatever works. That's the guys. Whatever works.

That's the end of the episode. Pow! See you next time. Turn around. Look at what you see. In her face. The mirror of your dream. Make believe I'm everywhere.

Give it in the light. Written on the pages is the answer to a never ending story. I reach the stars Lie a fantasy Dream a dream And what you see will be Climbing in their sacred sphere I'm pulled behind my clouds

And there upon a rainbow I'm behind the clouds. The answer to a never ending story. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Story. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.