KFC Radio - Love is Not Blind, Condom Corkboard, and Sean Evans

Episode Date: February 25, 2020

Should you be embarrassed by childhood stories? Feits recaps how much fun the Barstool Pond Hockey Tournament was. KFC is hooked on the new Netflix show Love is Blind. Do looks really matter? AITA's include: masturbating with the blinds open, what exactly is a month, and a condom corkboard. KFC and Feits react to the breaking news that Harvey Weinstein is going to prison. Voicemails include: Misdelivered package and drunk messages. Sean Evans (01:34:27) of Hot Ones joins the show. He tells us about doing Hot Ones before it was incredibly popular, capturing great internet moments, and his new Hot Ones Gameshow.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I'm seeing the video with it. Yeah, I mean, another episode of One Thing I Learned is out, and Feidelberg is just absolutely a sociopath in every way. And he's telling us. He's, like, shouting it from the mountaintops. And we're just like, oh, it's another funny video. When something inevitably goes wrong, all the blood's on our hands.

I disagree. I think that I'm getting it out there. That's your therapy? It's a therapeutic thing. Let's fucking hope. Because if it's not. Like, this is all the stuff that, like, when someone killed a bunch of people, you'd find out about it. Right. I'm telling you about it. Yeah like this, like this is all the stuff that like when someone killed a bunch of people. Yeah.

You'd find out about it. Right. I'm telling you. Yeah. Yeah. So you know now. So I'm dealing with the people. Right.

I'm dealing with it. I'm handling it. It's true. It's true. I'm dealing with the fact that I had an imaginary doll. It wasn't imaginary. She was real. She was real.

She was a my size Barbie. And it's such a shame because I had a picture with all my Barbies that like in high school when I was, you know, before you can, you know, you didn't have a lot of confidence. I had a picture with all my Barbies in high school? No, I was a kid. But in high school, I like destroyed the picture. I wish I had it now. Right. Now I'm like, I don't give a fuck.

It was a funny ass picture. Yeah. But when high school, it's like, you know, the worst thing that could ever happen to you is your friends see that picture. Yeah, Keegan is wearing dresses all the time now. And he runs around going, I'm a pretty princess. And I fucking love it. We go to this place.

It's like an indoor playground, and they have costumes and shit. And there's like a construction worker and a fireman and this and that. And he's like, I want this one. And it's like just a fucking skirt. And he just twirls around with Shay. I'm like oh boy it's gonna be funny material later when you're older uh it's another edition of kfc radio hang on let me do this real quick episodes brought to you by game time now we've been in this business for

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It's one of those things like, it's such a trope in movies and TV shows, like someone takes someone home for the first time and mom's showing them embarrassing stories like that. And adults are like, come on, mom. Yeah, I would never. Is that, in high school I could see that. But with adults, like, are you showing the picture of me in the bath? Right.

Like my penis. You saw your fucking year old penis. could see that but with adults like are you showing the picture of me in the bath right like my penis you saw your fucking year old penis yeah you've shown my you've seen my adult dick too it's not the same size so the fuck do i care if you see the whole picture yeah are there people who really like don't like embarrassing stories being told about them as a child that's funny maybe me and you were just fucking you know hot kids or something'm like, yeah, show them when I was a kid. I look cute back then. Even more than the pictures, the stories. Like, no, you can't tell them that one.

Don't tell them I play with Barbies. I fucking play with Barbies, man. I can see if you're a girl and there's any stories about you like shitting, like potty training or whatever. Well, that one, yeah, sure. I mean, that one I wouldn't hold against the kid. I'd go, what the fuck are you doing? You have no radar on what stories to share. Anyway, she was too itchy.

Shit all over the place. I don't know. You'd be surprised, man. Once you go down the parenting road, there's really not much to talk about when they're younger. They don't do anything. Yeah, I don't know. He blew out his diaper today. That's the only story I got.

You talk so much about shitting and pissing once you become a parent. It's so fucking weird. I mean, me and Caitlin had that rule that we always talk about. We don't joke. We don't fart. We don't shit. None of that. We don't talk about it.

And then when a kid comes along, it's like, oh, you talk about it. It's like the only conversations we had were about who's shitting. That's not fun. Unless it's funny. Shay is keeping track of how many times she uses the toilet now. 13 times. It's been 13 times. Because I told her, I'm like, when you do it 10 times, you're going to get a big present.

So now she's just like, 13, 14. Now she's just slugging waters and fucking Pedialyte. No, it's not what she pees. It's not what she pees. But I feel like she's going to be like 25 years old being like, it's been 1,623 times. She's going to get home and she's cooking herself a sloppy

Joe. See? She wouldn't like this story in high school. She's going to listen to this back and be like, what the fuck, dad? Big weekend for Johnny johnny hockey over here back on the ice yeah big one it was a lot of fun i got sunburn on my lips that sucks um so now he's using chapstick which he's been morally opposed to forever well i'm terrible i was putting it off for so long because i know now i'm gonna have to use chapstick my lips are gonna get used to it

they're gonna i'm gonna have to use it i don't want to do that welcome to the dark but it was like just skating outside in freezing weather for fucking an entire day. A lot of wind going by the face. I commend you, my friend. I would have been like, oh, I'll do like the voiceover on the video when you guys get back. That would be my contribution. It was honestly, it was one of the more fun weekends. Yeah, I mean, it did look very cool.

My whole family was up there. But you were just fucking gassed. I was. You weren't. Put it that way. It was nice to be a spectassed. I was. You earned it. Put it that way. It was nice to be a spectator. It was a cool watch.

I don't think I would want to be on the ice, but I feel like conditioning was the Achilles heel of the Barstool team. By the... I scored my first goal, first shift. On the Instagram account. Yeah. Good timing. Very first shift, scored a goal. And right then, I was like, well, this day's done.

Handled my business. Came to do what I came to do. I ended up scoring two the first game. As we were coming off, Devlin had the Instagram out, and he's like, fights. How'd the game go? So I have no idea what the final score was, but I scored two. I got mine. I got mine.

That's so true. I mean, I've said this. I wrote a blog many years ago I guess I should update it now it was called uh advice to my to my son or something like that which I never thought I'd have part of the blog was advice to my son which I'll never have because the world is only gonna curse me with daughters but I got one and one of the things I said in it was like I don't want you to be an asshole and be like a bad teammate but when you play sports as a kid like go for glory go for yourself like make sure you don't you know don't be a ball hog don't be a problem for the coach don't be an asshole but like shoot the shot take

a swing fucking you know don't it's one thing too though when you're trying when you're on a team that has a goal it's trying to accomplish for real for sure like my goal this weekend was show i can still kind of do it right that and i when you've played – I haven't played competitive hockey in, how old am I, 31? Probably 12 years, something like that. And I haven't played anything but maybe a charity game once a year since then. Yeah. And I was like, if I go over here and I look okay, then –

Mission accomplished. Yeah. I was not in it for – But don't you think that when even when you're playing you know for a goal that like being confident and trying to play like your best game would will help more than you being like yeah in a pond hockey sense for sure if there's a team and you're like you know this is our strategy we do and everyone's doing that's what i'm saying you know i don't want you to like buck the trend of like whatever the coach is telling you but you know there was so

many times i was worried about like you know just following you know make sure i run the play right and making sure like i'm you know doing everything fundamental rather than just being like i'm gonna fucking go out there and like compete like i want to go one-on-one against you i want to you know i'm gonna take this shot i'm gonna be confident instead i was always like too worried it's like that's not helping the team you see i kind of did that only my thing was penalties what's that i like i i kind of my own thing, but my thing was get penalties. It was. Okay.

I was very good at two things. Stick handling. Really, really great hands. I could not score goals. I could not finish at all. I'd get right to the net. Never. Never score goals.

Yeah, but I feel like that's like, I don't know. I'd rather. I feel like you actually tweeted this recently. Like somebody like went through the legs and around and then he missed the shot. Yeah, actually. This was me growing up and I was like, yeah, that was a fucking great highlight though. It does, you know what I mean?

Sometimes you don't need to score. I want to see if I can pull it up because with that tweet, my coach replied to me. Oh yeah? I'm just thinking if I can, fuck, I'm going to get it. But yeah, and then the other thing I was really good at was getting penalties, and it was like I just like to hit people. And it was like a plea.

Like, can you stop getting penalties? And I was like, nah, that's my brand. I don't think so. That's what I do. And it was. For what, like hits or stupid shit? Yeah, like I'd hit high. And stupid shit too.

I told you I used to step on people's foot at first base when you ground up third. You were an asshole. I get angry. But, okay, so I showed this sick highlight. I go, this might as well be a high school highlight of me. Sick move, weak shot, easy save, rinse, repeat. My high school coach replied, can't confirm. I said, throw in a stupid penalty next shift just for good measure.

He was probably slashing behind the play. Such a dickhead. Such an asshole. But then this is why I always defend Brad Marchand in his, like, pest stuff. Because that was my junior year, and I was, like, good my junior year. And it was, like, senior year, I was, like, you're a captain now. You have to stop taking stupid penalties. And I always got so much worse because I did not play like me anymore.

Right, right, right. I always liken that to when I'm driving. If I drive the proper way, I'm a worse driver. Right. I'm like, this is awkward. I'm like, you know what I mean? Ten and two. I'm checking my mirrors.

And now I'm probably putting us in more danger by not just being myself behind the wheel. I've got to be buried in Twitter. Yeah. Drive 95. us in more danger by not just like yeah i gotta be buried in twitter yeah drive 95 the other day man i was i mean i i must have taken my eyes off the road for a solid 90 seconds straight just like just just scrolling twitter i looked up i was like oh boy i haven't looked at the road in a long time it's been a solid well it's always been there right highway hypnosis has always been a thing sure i guess i'm just buried in a phone instead of hypnotized by the drive that's definitely gonna be how i die that or just

you know my body breaking down at a horribly young age but probably a reckless car accident for sure shout out to my insurance but it was um but yeah it was a great weekend it was very very fun it's like i mean hockey's just a very fun sport i guess i hockey's the one i say it with because i played it but i'm sure every other sport. I got, I, hockey is the one I say it with because I played it, but I'm sure every other sport has it, but it's just like fucking around with the boys and hang out. But you know what's, I think what's cool for hockey,

like guys play pickup basketball all the time. Uh, hockey is hard to organize. Ice time and fucking pond. That's why I haven't played in 10 years. That's what I mean. So it's like, it's probably more special.

If we did a, I'm sure we did a barstool three on three tournament, it would be great. It'd be a big success, probably be huge because everyone can sign up and it's easy you know but it wouldn't be as like special for the players because they play at the y they play at the park all the time it is i mean especially with outdoors like yeah playing on a pond we have like drone footage that'll be coming out and we'll have a full video coming out but there's drone footage which is like

it was fucking stunning i woke up i took a picture i instagrammed it but I woke up. I took a picture. I Instagrammed it. I woke up and, like, I had a great room. Shout out, Lisa. And it was, like, a balcony that overlooked the lake. And it was, like, the sun was rising. It was fucking. I could see the rinks. The sun was coming up. Mountains in the back.

I was like, I'm going to play out there all day today. That's fucking sick. Yeah, it's dope. Coach Rear Admiral. Coach Rear Admiral. Star Rudy Bit of an issue No

Riggsie Riggsie was the MVP Riggsie was the star Yeah Our team was Our team's very top heavy Riggsie, YP, and Rudy Are very good hockey players

They still play Right They're in men's leagues And then everyone else Which I feel like is 99% of the battle In like adult hockey Well that's what it is You kept doing this.

I stopped. I think all the teams we played are teams. So they play together. They have chemistry. One of the teams we played was just the Lake Winnipesaukee Pond Hockey Team. That's not. And they didn't win? Mm-mm.

No, I don't even know if they made the playoffs. That's embarrassing. They actually, I thought they were the best team we played. They was, I think the pink team we played at the end, I think they were stomping people. I texted you beforehand. I was like, this is going to be a bloodbath. Yeah.

And they ended up being pretty close. I think we lost 14-11. But they'd been beating teams by 26 goals. They were just stomping people. Is it, so I guess it's pretty easy to score on those? It's. People are putting up 20 goals. It's not.

Like, are people, is it always like you just stuff it in? Or are people, like, sniping it from long distance? There, it's more close goals than otherwise. But there are some shots. But that's how – like the pond hockey team, they knew how to play pond hockey. Right. They just throw it on net and sometimes you just go like – No, it's from half ice.

What the fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it is one of those things where the difficulty of pond hockey is it takes so much skill because you have to get right there. Yeah. And it's like a lot of – it's more passing and stick handling than playing hockey. Right. And they just knew, like, all right, just fire on net. Because that's what you think.

You think it's like, I have to get right to the net. But also, pucks get tipped, pucks bounce around. They just end up in the lower corner of the net. Right, right, right. But our team was just a little too top-heavy. If we played together all the time, I think we'd be – Every game we lost was a close game. But it was's also i think i had a lot of confidence going into it yeah you were saying you were gonna win which is a rare thing for me yeah having confidence you

learn your fucking lesson and what do you get for being confident and having hopes and goals and dreams nothing but it was because i had i hadn't seen i did prefaces actually i think i said i haven't seen like a non-professional men's league team play, so I don't really know what they look like, but we were pretty good out there. And I think my bar was so low for what the competition was going to be. No, for what I'd be able to do. So I was surprised at first. I was like, oh, I can still play hockey.

This is very surprising. So I ended up going up with an inflated sense of ego. Well, for a short amount of time, you could still play hockey. Yeah. I mean, stamina is an issue. And also, like – He said he was doing 15-second shifts by the end. Dude, by the end, it was – my girlfriend was behind the bench,

and she said she's never heard someone yell, legs, so many times in their life. Like, I just go – Shift, change, change. Who's got juice? Not me. I remember in high school when our coach was like yeah like if you if you need a if you need a break just like throw throw one fist up and i remember i you know i was in shape but i still was never like endurance was there if i think and i'd throw a fist up no no not

not not again you guys stay out there longer it was like by the end end, I would have one rush in me. And I'd just turn around and come back to the bench. Well, that's where Rad's got to know that as coach on the bench. He was not very there, so to speak. Biz just wasn't there for one game. Biz just didn't show up for a game.

Was he supposed to play or coach? Coach. He had no interest in playing. Paul missed the net. He just didn't come to our second game, which we ended up tying. Probably would have been nice to have a little NHL advice on the bench. Maybe we would have won that one. Could have been, yeah. Rear ads was just on a different planet.

I don't know. We had no strategy. We had no – we just – everyone on the team, I think, played forward. So everyone just instinctively plays forward. Yeah. And then just no one would stay back right so they'd have consistent two on a breakaway and when there's no goalie in that it's pretty that's a problem yeah there's a problem um i love how you i mean you just described how like you had to play pond hockey, not regular hockey. You guys just didn't do it. No, we didn't play regular hockey.

We just played forward. We'd have four guys in deep. Just all trying to score. You can't have two guys in deep when there are five guys on the team. We had four guys in deep with four guys on the team. It was an issue. But then the coach was just – he wasn't doing a lot of coaching. Rear ads was heavy with the Miracle references.

Just kept being like, boys, 40th anniversary of the 1980 hockey team. That's not – What does that mean? Which one of us do you want us to play defense, dude? Well, I feel like that's got to be partly on you guys as well, thinking that rear admiral at a barstool event is going to be, you know, by the book here. I'm pretty sure the big fella was enjoying himself out there. Yeah, I mean, it's a classic thing

with, like, when you have, like, away trip hockey tournaments, the dads get just drunk all the time. And Rear Admiral's our dad, but also our coach. And did not take the ladder responsibility very seriously but it was a lot of fun shout out to all the sleuths that came tons and tons of kfc radio fans yeah i told kevin

that was that was the highest uh amount of like like not like hey man big thank you take a picture it was like yo i love this episode of this it was I mean, there were probably 1,500 people there. Probably 1,200 of them were like, this is my favorite KFC. There were people there in I Am A Romantic t-shirts. Wow. That's how you know. That's a throwback KFC radio shirt. That's fucking, there's got to be, you know, basically the entire population.

Anybody who had that shirt was there, I think. Yeah, we got to make some sort of trip up there. It was very, very fun. It was very cool to see how, like, you know. It's always one of those things where just, I guess, for us, I still smartly set the bar so low. And I thought at this Pond Hockey Tournament there would be 250 people because 250 people were signed up to play hockey.

Yeah. I did not think that there would be, like, big crowds coming. I did not think that, like, people were going to come watch. Was there, like, a bar? Like, could you drink if you were there? Yeah. Yeah. Unfortunately, the bar, it was supposed to be on the ice, but the ice was a little soft.

So they were like, it doesn't make sense to have. Let's not risk it and put the fucking stage with the band on the ice. So that ended up being in the parking lot of the hotel. I hope the Toronto ice will be hard enough for it to work. But the ice got pretty choppy by the end of the day, so it would have been not smart to have a stage on there. No, I mean, every time anybody does anything, it's still surprising me to this day.

It was a massive success. It was so much fun. It was really, really a blast. It was so much fun so it was really really a blast although it was funny so many stories coming up to me and this is a weird thing still needs to do so we're gonna have a little chat with you guys real quick and a little intervention they come up to you and there we'll talk and we'll have fun we'll take a picture and i feel so gay i feel like i feel like such a loser. And he's like, well, now I feel bad, man.

It's okay to like me. You're such a fucking loser for wanting to talk to me. It was almost to a T every single person. I don't mean to be gay. I don't want to offend. It's not gay to like a podcast, I don't think. I mean, this one maybe. I guess it's close.

But I feel like that's something my father and his friends would say. You listen to podcasts? We're gay. Varsity is a pretty popular thing. You can like it. It's okay to like the things you like. We say that a lot. I guess I'm asking a lot.

I don't want you to say that. I also don't want you shaking while we take the picture. I put my arm around somebody and they're nervous. You don't have to be nervous with that either. I don't call you for that just because I'd be nervous meeting people I like too. But they shouldn't be nervous for us. They shouldn't, but they are. But they also shouldn't feel like an asshole.

You're just not gay to like me. Unless you want to fuck me. Then you are gay and that's okay but if you don't want to fuck me then you aren't gay to like want to talk to me for a minute i gotta i felt like i start to feel so bad but i'm like i don't know what i can do for you yeah that sounds like do more that sounds like a therapy issue dude like i don't know what like like andy bernard like am michael am i gay i don't know man that one's you gotta answer that one but you're not a loser you're not gay you're not a fangirl it's just like we're hanging out we're hanging out in a bar talking right there's booze there's that's

a very regular thing music it's just that's what bars are for that That's why we exist. Hanging out and talking. Yeah. Speaking of therapy, I watched the new Netflix sensation Love is Blind. I saw you tweeting about that. I don't know what it is. All of these people need therapy. They're all fucking insane. It is a show. It's like 15 guys, 15 girls. They created this facility, which is like one half is where the guys live one half is

where the girls live and then in the middle are these confessional like pod lounge rooms that are separated by like a wall that looks almost like a imagine you were like a cave with ice it's like blue and like shining kind of changing colors and you can talk to each other nobody can see each other and they have 40 days to get engaged so you're basically uh just talking to people you're not what this is you just sitting on the ice no it's not me oh someone else who had a little bit of trouble staying up on his feet at the at the panaghi tournament uh so the whole idea is you you talk and you don't ever get to see the people and you're supposed to get engaged within 40 days there were people getting engaged on day two what talking to each other now granted it's all they do so you probably like i mean it's still ridiculous no matter what but you probably have like 24 hours of talking with this person

in two days you know what i mean like you're probably learn everything about the person and have like these long nights where they talk all night long but like this sounds like my absolute hell i mean what you what you're describing to me is what beelzebub will show to me upon my death yo and they yeah so they all just talk. And then they, you know, it's kind of, it's like The Bachelor on steroids. It's like everybody has this, oh, I love this one. I have this connection with this one. Never seen each other.

Which, by the way, I mean, that's insane. That's just, the basic premise is insane. Anybody who acts like a physical attraction is, like, shallow is fucking ridiculous. It's the most important part. It is the most important. Otherwise, I would just fucking marry you. I would just marry my buddies. I already found someone whose personality is great.

It's fucking John. I just don't want to bang him and live with him. Okay? So I need to find someone who I want to fuck. So it needs to be a girl. It needs to be one that fits my liking. Honestly, it is not shallow. We are not compatible as far as symmetry goes.

Right. That's step one. We have to clear that hurdle. The very first thing is basically like do I want to fuck you? I'm not saying you have to be hot. I'm saying your significant other has to want to fuck you. Right. And I mean I guess if you put all of your – that's only – the only thing that matters is it's a little bit shallow.

If you're dating someone who's hot and then they like shave their head and you're like, get the fuck out of here. There are ways where the physical attraction can manifest itself in negative ways. Well, but that's kind of what we were talking about with Adam Pally the other day where he rejected my thing. But I think – what was this? I think unconditional love is unhealthy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. Everyone has conditions.

If you don't have conditions, you just marry anybody off the street. Condition one, be attractive to yeah. That's crazy. Everyone has conditions. If you don't have conditions, you just marry anybody off the street. Condition one, be attractive to me. And again, to me. Maybe I probably conform with society's general idea of what pretty is, but you got to fit for that person. All right, so one couple, spoiler alert, the first couple, they get engaged in two days. She's black. He's white.

They didn't know that. Now, first of all, I don't care how good good of a person you are how open-minded you are when that wall goes up and it's someone of a different race that you didn't expect not that you have to run for the hills but you you would be like oh oh whoa shit right i mean they were just like nope it's totally fine and just like well we can just acknowledge that you probably were surprised by this. Secondly, though, they talked about how they fell in love and know that you're the one. In the conversation, wouldn't it have come up? The girl was like, I am very into my community. I am very aware of what black people have gone through, and I fight for that.

But then she was like, but it's okay that I'm in an interracial relationship. She just threw that out. But then also, wouldn't that have been part of your conversation at some point yeah if it's so important to you yeah i talk about things that are important to me right so it's like it's not much but very very i get there they they also the problem with this show i mean they're all so fucking crazy but they didn't i don't think they hot they brought anybody in who's like really ugly which is the problem if you're gonna do this game and you want to make the experiment work, you need someone to be head over heels in love.

And then the wall goes up and I'm a five foot one fat bald guy. And it's like, really? So it's like, let's fucking prove everybody else is like, at least the ones they've shown on TV so far. They're like, you know, normal people. So it's like, all right, I want a 10 and a seven shows up. I'm okay. Fine. Whatever. You know what I mean?

This will work for a bit. So they, but I'm only like two episodes in, but this shit is like, I mean, the amount of people I saw tweeting it. How long are the episodes? I think they're like half hour. And I think they release like six, and then I think there's like, it's like a half binge, half keeps coming out each week.

But people are absolutely like hooked by it because it's just so fucking outrageous. It's ridiculous, this premise. And this makes me – this whole thing, this and The Bachelor, it has me questioning all of relationships. Now, these people are particularly crazy, right? But the fact that it seems like you can just fabricate the setting and the feeling and the emotion and it seems to like people will just kind of buy into it like i always say it's like the summer camp thing or you're on vacation and they just you if you create the conditions are right you can just like make

a marriage make love it just feels like it's all a fucking it's all a game it's all a scam you know what i mean it's like if i if i think it's a pretty fair assumption if i meet the right person like great fine if i meet like kind of the right person but all the circumstances are right and i have the same exact feeling then it's like well what is even the right person i think if i meet you on vacation we're all good if i meet you like on the fucking subway you know you gotta you know i might not feel the same way it I think that starts with openness to it. I think on a subway, I'm not open to meeting somebody. If I go on a show where I'm supposed to meet somebody, I'm open to meeting somebody.

So if you put people who are open to meeting each other in a setting, I feel like it's probably a higher success rate. I feel like in general, dating is usually people like I'm looking for someone. So when you go on these apps, you go on a date. But I also think that – Why are you not as open-minded as you know i i think like well hang on and now you're saying like on like on an app like i think on an app like you're open to fuck well i mean it depends just even on a date i feel like you know a girl sits down at a date i think it's probably usually you know guys are more like are you hot girls are kind

of nitpicking like your personality and things you do but then you know if you're basically like on on the bachelor on a show on a thing where you're all looking for it you kind of like you're you're you're focusing more on the good than on the bad i feel like when you date now it's like oh she eats her food weird he wore weird clothes her laugh is bad and on these things it's like I'm in love I'm in love I love you After 25 seconds I think that's probably Like social pressure too

Yeah Where like I don't want to be the asshole Who's nitpicking everything Yeah Right right Yeah I mean I guess You can't compare these

TV shows to real life Right If you put a camera in a room Everyone's probably Going to be a better person Yeah Right Well how

Alright so how about this though This dude Uh Got engaged On like episode. He had in the past, he's fucked guys and girls. Did not tell her that. And and, you know, I understand. He's like, I've told people in the past and they like have run for the hills. So I don't want to be judged on that but i think you gotta tell me before we get engaged if you like to fuck members of the same sex but then i agree i like but also when i get married i'm not going to sit there and disclose every person i've fucked before so you know technically and and you know in a perfect world why should i know i fuck this girl i fuck the white girl the black girl the hispanic girl the asian guy like do you have to disclose everything no but i think if it means that you might have some like uh like bi curious tendencies i think you probably do have to

disclose i mean i guess right at its core if you commit to monogamy just say i'm not gonna fuck anyone else you don't have to you don't have to disclose that whether it's a guy or a pussy guys were in the mix you had the whole population to worry about it wasn't like yeah like well yeah so they're getting jealous about me talking to girls guess what i want to fuck the dude at work right i mean oh so the when you want a boy's weekend now i gotta worry i i mean i feel like um you shouldn't like you know if the world was perfect you shouldn't but the world's not it's also a double standard thing too because like oh it's tough if i if a girl told me she's like yeah just you know that's like three girls in my life

well now i'm definitely proposing okay okay all right sure but the uh the the guy thing is an interesting wrinkle there was there's another there's a There's a girl and a guy who's 10 years younger than her, and she falls in love with, like, there's this short guy who's 24. She's 34. And then there's kind of, like, the jock of the mix. And, I mean, it's just like watching fucking kids at a summer camp where it's like one night he's like, I think I'm going to propose to you. The next night he's like, ah, never mind.

I'm not sure. It's crazy, man. There's one chick who's in, I think I'm going to propose to you. The next night he's like, ah, never mind. I'm not sure. It's crazy, man. There's one chick who's in the fucking, she was in the army. She used to blow up tanks. And she's like sexy as fuck. It's a trip, man. Love Island is, it's like.

Love Island. Love is blind. Love is blind is, I mean, it's one of the sickest things. Those people are absolute lunatics. If you went on it as like a show like i mean we get instagram famous and like maybe like hook up or something like that but they're all like i'm here for my fucking forever i think how is that possible i found it they make a love is blind app so it's like tinder

and they show you like three possible people like three completely different people and you start you might get any of them and you're flirting though and you don't know one of them is the real one yeah one of them is you know really hot one of them is like a completely different ethnicity love roulette shit dude i mean what would you do honest what would you have to say like i'm the blonde like yeah yeah yeah you have to keep it truly blind i mean what would you do if you were like i i am in love with this person i i the door goes up and they are a troll i'm a sane person so i could not fall in love without seeing somebody yeah right i i have most of my mental capabilities but if you were all right so maybe you don't fall

in love but you get locked in a fucking in a room or something and you you end up talking to someone forget it let's say it's not a a reality show let's say you get uh stuck in an elevator okay and there's someone you know like the security guard calls in she's talking to you over like the thing and you talk for 15 straight hours and you and she is like best conversation you've ever had funny the whole nine great stories compatible in every way get out of the elevator and she's disgusting are you just like thanks for the help see you later i would say that we're gonna have a beautiful friendship but i don't even think we have that no i think i would never talk because i don't have ugly friends straight up all of my friends are really attractive. I am the ugliest person in my friend group.

Oh, you think I'm shallow? I'm just shallow with my platonic relationships too, motherfucker. You want me to put my dick in it? I'm not even going to go out for a beer with you, let alone fuck you. What if we were in public and someone saw us and thought I was fucking you? God, I could never walk with that scarlet letter. You couldn't possibly be me. I would carry that shame.

Anybody acting like, I guess maybe, you know, if this one girl was like 34 and clearly like very much wanted a husband. Not that 34 is like ancient by any means, but I guess if you're of the frame of mind like I just got to find somebody, I just got to do something extreme. But if you're not like at your wit's end, the first thing that matters is how they look. 90% of it. Even if you're at your wit's end, it's probably it.

Right. You're burying that aspect of it. You're acknowledging you're not attracted to them, but it's still the first thing. You're like, whatever. I'm not attracted to them, but who cares? We'll move on to step two. It's still you have to acknowledge it. And that's okay.

I'm ignoring this aspect. That is okay. I mean, this is the name of the fucking game. Do you think it works that way for the girls, though? Because, like, girls routinely meet guys and they wear them down. So I was talking to YP about it in general. Successful. Like, I think for this show to really be a hit,

they needed to have some just disgusting people in there. But primarily girls too because, I mean, you see girls with ugly guys a lot. And you see girls who are like changing everything else that they – you know what I mean? Like they look past a lot and they change everything else. For a guy though, I feel like it's – well, I don't know. Who do you think is the more shallow gender? Men. But then sometimes I also think about the girls who are like, I won't even look your way if you're 5'9".

Yeah, but I think that's for girls. I think a lot of girls who do that can do it. Yeah. Yeah. So girls kind of know where they stand. Every guy thinks that they should get the dime. Right. Yeah.

Yeah, that's true. That's really what it is. It's the delusion. I think most girls who have like 306 feet, don't talk to me in their profile can play that card. Right. Like, yeah. All right.

You earned it. You didn't earn it. You just got lucky with yeah all right you earned it you didn't earn it you just got lucky with genetics but you earned it all right let me know if you're watching love is blind though it is a fucking shit show we got sean evans on the show from hot ones uh who is just an awesome dude very very much really i saw a couple comments on our youtube page uh go subscribe on the answer the internet page and the kf Radio page. We're going to have a lot more video content coming out soon. But there was a couple comments on his Answer the Internet being like, I'm just happy for this guy's success because he's just a good dude.

Someone else said, this is the most wholesome interview you've ever had, wholesome guest you've ever had. I'm like, you know what? Yeah, he just seems like a really nice guy. And then so right after we do his Answer the internet, his game show comes out. Will Ferrell on the next episode, like, 6 million views in about 35 seconds. It's just pure domination from Sean Evans. I think – I believe it's the most popular show on YouTube.

I can't imagine anything being more bigger and consistent. Like, maybe there's a couple one-offs here and there. When, like, Joe Rogan does something, maybe he's on there. Maybe it's not the most popular vlog. There might be more YouTubers that get more views, but the show style. He's got like 50, 60 million views on some of these things. It's fucking crazy. Crazy.

So good interview with him. We'll get into that later. We'll get to our voicemails? No, I got a couple things. I got three things I want to talk about. Whoa. Johnny number one is brought to you by Roman. When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

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This never happens to me. And your pussy's just closed. Imagine that. What an alien species that would be. No, thank you. Because guess what? If that happened, I probably would have never had sex before. Well, think about how weird it is.

We're an alien species. We've got this little floppy thing hanging and then blood rushes to it and it gets hard and then we put it in. That's pretty fucking weird. It's weird, but it would not be good for me. In fact, I'm now totally seeing it with women, how they're like – they get self-conscious. They're like, what, is it me? Because if you're pussy closed, I'd be like, well, this is me. It's you.

This one's... I definitely caused this. I mean... If you just closed up shop, fucking went for a beer in the middle of sex... That's my problem. That would be the last room I ever lived in.

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That's G-E-T-R-O-M-A-N dot com slash KFC. $10 off your sex swipes. What's good, Johnny? Amber Heard. Yeah. Johnny Depp's girl? What the fuck? What'd she do?

Dude, I saw the other day that there was a petition to get her fired as the L'Oreal spokesperson. And it has 4,500 signatures. What'd she do? She beat the shit out of Johnny Depp. Oh, yeah. But that doesn't count. Yes, it does.

No, it doesn't. Yes. It should, but it doesn't. There's an audio of her being like, yeah, I hit you. Like, stop being a pussy. Big fucking deal. She, like, bit his finger off. And it's like, just straight up like bit like a knuckle off.

And there are only 4,500 citizens that she shouldn't be the spokesperson for L'Oreal makeup. Yeah. Like that's crazy to me. It's a double standard, bro. It is a double standard. But like I'm not arguing. How many times have you been hit by a girl? Oh, a million.

How many times have you hit a girl? Zero. It's just the way it goes. It's just the way it fucking goes. It's insane. It's insane. And when it does happen, by the way, girls, it's so – it is – girls will never understand that feeling in that moment where it's just like I could kill you and I'd kind of be

justified by considering what you just did to me and I'm just not going to. Legally speaking, no one's going to believe me But legally speaking I'd be good here I could stand my ground if I will Slap and scratch and push I'm not arguing that anyone else Who's been in a position where there's audio tape Of you admitting to beating your spouse Got a raw deal

You didn't get a raw deal You should have lost the deal But the fact that it's not even an issue Is crazy to me. And maybe I just hang out with the wrong people. But everyone I know has been beaten by their girlfriend. Every single person to a T. Not regularly.

But it should be like a binary thing. Either you've done it or you haven't. One time is one too many. Maybe we're just broken. Men as a whole. Definitely broken. Because they say it about people who've been abused. But you're like, look, I probably deserved it.

When I've been beaten, and by beaten, I mean, no, it's never been a savage beating. But yeah, I've been hit and punched. I've been closed fist punched. Like fucking slugged. Look, I was probably out of line yeah but that's the thing is that i think people i think society is kind of like men are dogs men are trash they're running around they're cheating they're they're out too late they they're they deserve it it's like no fucking no you can't do that no i think we're talking to my mom about it she's like well i

mean like we can't hurt you so what can a little guy beat a bigger woman? Yeah, that's right. Like a weak guy? Like what if a weak guy just started beating girls? Also, by the way. You can't really hurt her. By the way, it hurts. I mean, I'm not injured.

It doesn't feel good, though. I'd prefer you don't fucking punch me. Dude, she's just. Johnny Depp, they were like massive boycotts to get Johnny Depp out because people thought he did it at first. Yeah. Because she said he did it. And now it's like there's definitive proof that she was the abuser in the whole relationship. And they were like they were like massive boycotts to get him cut out of what Fantastic

Beasts and J.K. Rowling was like, who is, you know, she's kind of like, I think she's gone too far over the top with being the quote unquote woke or whatever you will, where she's just like making up shit with Harry Potter, which is like the Sorting Hat's gay. Yeah. She got in trouble for something recently. She said something that was actually like anti-trans or something like that. But she was like, I should talk to Johnny. I stand by Johnny.

He'll be in this movie. And people were like, who the fuck? 4,500 people. There might be more people who work at Barstool Sports now have signed the signature saying she shouldn't be the spokesperson. That's fucking insane to me. I know. It is. But, I mean, that is the – we let that one get away from us, men.

We somehow let that fly long enough. I think we're going to have a pendulum swing. What do you think is going to happen? I feel like guys always just joke about it. And it is like that's the way we do things. And it's like – and also it's funny. When a little person is punching me in the face, it's funny. Well, you – I mean you – it's happened to you so often.

You were like – you have your protocol. You know like what to do. You're like, all right, I'm going to air hug you from behind, squeeze you until you stop. But I'm saying you like – It's like swaddling a baby. You got to just calm down for a second. That is the problem right there. That is not like swaddling a baby.

It's like trying to contain a rabid raccoon who's attacking you. It's not a little baby. But it's also like swaddling a baby. I'm so much bigger than you. But it's crazy. It's crazy that girls do this. Yo, and you are. Probably are some guys who aren't like as big as you or whatever who are getting molly whooped by their girl.

It's like, boy, I'm just getting beat up by this person. My fucking show is getting run to nothing. I just got dummied. I mean I feel like if – we let it happen with just like the verbal abuse too When people are Girls are screaming at you It is We talked Actually we talked about that on the show before Yeah

It's like a funny It's a meme Yeah It's a meme where girls are like Oh like Brad's having a tough night Like lol Imagine you just unloading on your girl Who the fuck do you think you are

You would legitimately get cuffed Right Like people would call the police on the spot It's nuts There was I think there was a viral video Fairly recently And by that I mean I don spot. It's nuts. There was – I think there was a viral video fairly recently. And by that, I mean, I don't know, sometime in my adult life.

The – where it was like a social experiment. It was like the girl, like, in public, screaming at the guy, hitting the guy, and nobody did a thing. No one stopped you. That's not fair. And granted, I can – I guess it's kind of in the sense like you defend the defenseless. I'm not defenseless. I can defend myself. You can't.

But I – You're not going to die, but you – it does not matter that you have a height advantage or a weight advantage because if you do anything back, your life is ruined. Yeah. So you just have to sit there and take the abuse. So you can't defend yourself. But I can – I mean I can't defend myself in hitting back, but I can defend myself. Yeah. So you just have to sit there and take the abuse. So you can't defend yourself. But I can't defend myself by hitting back, but I can defend myself. Right. I can catch your

wrist and then you cannot move it anymore. Honestly, but even that. Someone throws a punch, you fucking grab her wrist. Someone walks out of the street at the same time and you're squeezing this girl's wrist. You're the one who's in trouble. I guess, but I'm not arguing that guys shouldn't get in trouble it's just amber heard

should not be the spokesperson yeah girls should get in trouble too yeah yeah yeah i'm not legitimately good you really cry for me you really can't you know you can physically yes you're not gonna like die but you can't defend yourself because if you do your life's over so in essence you you you have a different version of of defenseless, and there's just no repercussions for it. It was weird. She bit a finger off. We were wrestling in Aruba, and she was doing the shadow boxing. And I kind of just like – I wasn't.

I mean, she wasn't actually hitting me, so it wasn't like I was angry snap. But I kind of just like made a quick move and just like grabbed her. And you could see like the realization. And I like, oh, if I didn't want this to be fun, this wouldn't be fun. Mortality became real, real fast. Real fast. Real fast. That needs to happen every once in a while.

Yeah. Not a hit. I'm telling you, that's what that is. I want to show you the disparity in strength here. Okay? I recommend you do so like with a video at the gym or something. Here's me at the speed bag. That's what I was saying. On a heavy bag at the gym or something. Here's me at the speed bag. That's what I was saying.

You're sitting on a heavy bag at the gym, babe, just so you know. I've said that before when I go to the gym with my dad, and he likes to hit the bag. I'm like, thank God you were not into physical abuse. Girls wouldn't even have that realization. They would just be like, he's never going to do that to me. What? It was like, I remember doing it with my dad when I was jumping rope, and it was almost like someone, it was like basically like in a movie

where someone's just like watching a murder, and he's just like, boom, boom, boom, boom. And I was just jumping rope like, oh my fucking God, dude. It is echoing right now. That's some dad strength right there. This is for all the condoms they threw out of the garage. This is for the fucking almost lawsuit from the fucking housekeeper. Yeah, there needs to be some sort of pendulum swing.

I agree. I just don't know if it's going to happen. I think it will happen. I think everything, there's life balance. And I think at some point, guys are going to be like, look, you've got to stop doing this. I mean, I think the feminists are too scary. I'm too scared of feminists. Like when they get going, there's no stopping them.

So whether they're hitting me or yelling at me, I'm just going to be like, okay, whatever. Fine. You're just way too passionate about this. It's okay. So I saw one recently. Somebody said something fairly stupid that really was just like not correct. And like men were replying on the tweet being like, you know, no, this is not what it was. I wish I could remember the example.

But I remember thinking, this is a stretch by feminist standards. And then she tweets back being like, oh, look at all those small dick angry little Napoleon men in my mentions. It's like, no, they're just pretty wrong. Look at all the fat bitches, all the fat ugly bitches in my mentions. Imagine, imagine. So, yeah, it's hard out here for a white male. Let me tell you. Fucking got pussies that close up after two minutes.

See, that's what we need. It all comes back to that. That's why. Because they never feel that inadequacy. They need to be humbled and be like, oh, my pussy didn't work tonight. Yikes, I'm worthless. Shit. And then they'll shut the fuck up too.

Then they won't punch you and scratch you and talk shit on the internet because you got a pussy that got closed up sometimes it doesn't open up at all imagine that you're just like like when you can't get hard at all imagine you like you start to do a little foreplay and it's just nothing sorry i had eight whiskeys tonight my pussy's not working yeah you had too much chardonnay fucking closed for business that's what the world needs. Then it all comes out in the wash. What else you got for me? I got an Am I the Asshole.

Oh, there's a good one floating around too. You do yours and then I'll do the internet's one. Mine is just, it's like actually me. Right. Okay. Am I the Asshole? Because. Well, I gotta preface this with a lot of stuff. Oh boy. Okay, so when I moved into my apartment, it was a temporary apartment, right?

Right. That was four years ago. And I never bought blinds, and I still don't have blinds. Right. I'm not a blind user. Okay. Right. Now, for a while, I'd only masturbated in the dark dark so you couldn't see into my room.

Okay. And I was sick on Friday and Thursday. Right. You're not going to get up. Spent the whole day in bed. Yeah. Jerking off in bed. You can just clearly see into my bedroom.

Am I the asshole? Because here's the deal i i used to for years i was the this didn't just happen for the first time thursday it's happened uh would you only masturbate at night yeah they were like yeah basically and they were like so i don't believe that for one second so the bathroom too but the you know i'd only have like a good good uh make love to yourself session yeah but like like this one like on thursday like i got the beat seat set up and I was like – you know when you stuff a couple of pillows behind you so you're kind of laying down but you're up enough. You're at like a 35-degree angle.

Yeah. So you're up enough to see the laptop. You have the crane in your neck. Yeah. I got a couple of pillows stuffed under my lower back. Full lumbar support is there. Yeah. Really pulling pud.

Pulling pud. And I was like, the neighbors across the street can definitely just see into my bedroom. Because I'm on the third floor. And I'm like, is this? Are they looking at me and just be like, what is that obese man doing in his bed right now? No, I mean, I'm pretty sure they're looking and going, look at that obese man jerking off. Yeah. I'm pretty sure they're looking and going look at that obese man jerking off yeah i'm pretty sure they know what he's doing right but i think like this is just like who like the disrespect he has for me because because there are people like i i'm on the third

floor so i can see people on second floors and first floors i've never seen people jerking off right well that's the thing is you gotta i always put my i've done this before and thinking about like apartment windows and shit where like can you see me? Yes. The chances – how many times are you walking the street or you're looking out your own window and you like really look into it? On Thursday I was giving him a lot of opportunity. That window was wide open. I still feel like –

There's a lot of me naked in bed on Thursday. I mean, God bless. I don't even want to hear about this, let alone if I had to see it. That's what I'm saying. I know. And look, it's not getting me off. I'm not excited. No, it's not a voyeur thing.

I'm not excited that someone might be able to see me. I'm powering through the aspect that someone could be seeing me. I think you... I mean, if someone saw you in that instance, you are individually specifically an asshole. Like, imagine. But overall, I think it's okay. But overall, you're just doing the dishes. You're like, what the fuck?

Yeah, right. That's what I mean. For that one guy who was doing the dishes and saw that, you're an asshole. But the overall behavior, I think, is so limited to, like. If you see it and keep watching, that's on you. Oh, definitely. Yeah. So, like, hey, spin zone.

You might have made somebody's day. There are a lot of freaks out there. That's true. So, maybe., spin zone. You might have made somebody's day. There are a lot of freaks out there. That's true. So maybe, I bet you, again, it's so, I think the chances of people actually seeing you and really being able to tell what's going on are so slim that I would say there's maybe two people saw you that day. And I think there's a 50-50 shot they're into it. So I think you probably pissed somebody off.

I think someone else started jerking off to you. No blood. No foul. It's such a funny thing too because it's almost my time in that apartment has worked like a reverse relationship where I was like I was a prude at first. And it was like I only jerk off at night so they don't have to see me, blah, blah, blah. Right. And then it was like. Then you were just letting it fly.

Then I just started walking around my room naked after showers. And then it was like I'll have some sex during the day. And they can see that. And then it was like, I'll have some sex during the day. And they can see that. And then it was like, you know what? You're getting the full me now. Here it is. We're comfortable with each other. The honeymoon phase is over.

You've lived across the river for four years. You've seen me naked. You're going to watch me jerk off and dip. And now you're going to watch me jerk off. This is what. I don't know. I mean, what would be your answer to yourself? Like, you're asking the question, but do you think you're going to watch me jerk off. This is what – I don't know. I mean, what would be your answer to yourself? Like, you're asking the question, but do you think you're an asshole?

Yeah, but I think it's because I think – I don't know. I think I'm an asshole because I just think I'm an asshole. If I saw someone else – So you're like, I'm an asshole. It has nothing to do with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's my behavior afterwards.

I was an asshole to that guy. I was rude to this person. If I saw someone else, I'd be like, whoo, do you think, kid? But I wouldn't stay and keep watching, but I wouldn't be like – I also just – I couldn't tell you one thing about any of my neighbors. It's across the street. It's not like a building next to a building. You can see, but you can't tell, tell, even if there are no blinds.

I've never really tried to look into it. And I'll also say this. You are like if you're jerking off and it's from a distance, it's like I can see your balls or anything. I see your hand moving. It's like, all right, whatever. That guy's jerking off. Pulling pud. No big deal.

In this city, bro, you're good. Yeah. You're in a small town jerking off at like, you know, in the church or something. No. Right. And I've also done the math. Like it's hard to tell what apartment i'm in well i i think that people are figuring out who it is oh no no no no i don't care about like like i'm like just worried about like a letter in the mail like dude can you stop oh yeah now if that happens

confirmed asshole if anybody ever needs to like get out some letterhead and send an official notice to you saying stop jerking off we're then you are full-blown asshole yeah i'm actually just getting ahead of it because i saw my neighbor filming me the other day there were two they know who i am and it's gonna be a john fidelberg jerk off video on the internet there were two uh am i the asshole slash reddit relationship questions that jumped out at me recently. There are – there's two. I'll start with this one here. And this is such a perfect example of how girls can be dumb. Girls are the smartest.

Is this what I think it is? Month? Yeah. Yeah. This can either – girls can either be the smartest or dumbest person you know. All the same person. Not like – not a different – oh, this girl's smart, this girl's dumb. This same exact girl can be brilliant,

got a full ride, got a good job, super smart, and then also will do something so insanely idiotic and street stupid, zero street smarts, that it just makes you, I couldn't even comprehend this. My girlfriend, she's 31 years old female. I'm a 31-year-old male. I'm not even going to read you the tagline. I'm just going to start reading.

So bear with me on this. I'm as baffled as you are. Things with my girlfriend are going really well. We started dating on September 10th of last year. This is important. And we really like each other. We have lots of shared interests, and we make each other laugh all the time. It's by far the best relationship I've ever been in.

So this is almost like what we go back to with Love is Blind. Imagine you've met someone, you talk, you hit it off. She's really smart and funny, beautiful and ambitious. But a couple days ago, I could tell something was off and I didn't know what it was. She was just a little bit colder and more distant than usual. So I probed her and finally admitted, and she finally admitted that she was annoyed.

I didn't do anything for our six-month anniversary. Now, first of all, a couple things. Six-month anniversary is not a thing. That's ridiculous. That's absurd. Equally ridiculous for this guy. Like, when you read that first – I'll allow a six-month anniversary.

No, I won't. Never mind. When you're in, like, high school? I was going to say one time. Like, maybe the first six months is, like – I feel like that's kind of a milestone. Oh, well, you definitely better not be doing it after the first six months. Right. Like this is our 18-month anniversary. This is our 36-month anniversary.

No, no, no, no, no. I mean it's not crazy, crazy, but yeah, I wouldn't – I would do it like when you're – I would do it like when I'm in high school. But whatever. To each their own. I also think it's equally as ridiculous for this guy to be like – and maybe I'm just – I mean as a 31-year-old to be, this is the best relationship I've ever had. You've been seeing her for like six months.

I don't know. To me, it's like. Yeah, it's been six months. Every six-month relationship is the best relationship I've ever had. That's what I'm saying. Again, if you were in high school, it makes sense. When you're 31, you kind of know, six months, yeah, we're still fucking and having fun and partying and whatever. But anyway, everyone seems to be happy.

She's mad about the six-month anniversary. Now, I'm really good at remembering important dates and birthdays and all that. I had a plan to do something special, dinners, flowers, the whole nine. The thing is the six-month anniversary is on March 10th. Kind of makes sense, right? She thinks it already happened on February 18th. I was very confused that she could think this, so I asked her to explain. She pulled out her calendar app and started counting months, which is, in her definition, four-week chunks.

In this case, September 10th and February 18th are exactly 23 weeks apart. But she makes a mistake when counting because she starts counting on September 10th as one instead of zero. Therefore, 23 becomes 24. This is my very line of the whole thing. I tried explaining to her that this is not how calendars work, and she just wouldn't have it. I tried asking her what our one-month anniversary was, and she again counted four weeks from September 10th.

I tried asking her when she thinks our one-year anniversary is. She, of course, said September 10th because that's exactly 52 weeks weeks apart but there are many things wrong with this statement that i tried explaining but she neither wouldn't or couldn't believe me so i don't know what to do i want to be able to acknowledge important dates but she is just on a different time scale or something i'm not even sure what advice i'm looking for here but maybe someone has an idea that i can try i swear i'm not making this up that's the other thing i, I never know what to do with these things. People are always like, that's fake. And yeah, of course, it's very easy to fake these things.

But I learned on this internet here. The craziest things are the real ones. Yes. It's hard. Fact is always stranger than fiction. So, I mean, imagine this. Like, beautiful chick. Sexy girl.

Ambitious at work. Let's just say she's a rocket in the bedroom. Everything's perfect. She can't count months. I mean mean i could deal with that very easily but i could you though i could i don't think i could i can deal with that but knowing that you're an idiot who can't count months would that would weigh on me no i mean i would i first of all she has to work for a bank right that's how like banking works i mean i don't know i guess but also that just seems like something you would learn at a young age what months actually are and then you adapt to your new job where you're like

okay this is how i think it's i think like pay i think you're giving her too much credit i don't i don't think there's any job that really precludes you from knowing how a calendar i think like adp and stuff like that i think it's like four weeks that might yeah you get paid like do you get paid twice a month or do you get paid bi-weekly those things matter but like you also understand how society works as like right you're like eight years old yeah i i don't mean i'm defending her a little bit but that's not a whole defense yeah yeah yeah but the like i don't i don't know i guess i'd see it as a like i i would just be like look here's the deal you need to You need to learn how months work. And that's it. He's talking about it like this is going to be a problem for our anniversaries.

No, the problem is you're dating an idiot. You need to clean that up because otherwise your girlfriend is dumb. This is crazy. I'm just looking at the calendar here. If you were to go by these four-week chunks, in December you would have two-month anniversaries. You would be celebrating on December 3rd and also December 30th. Right. I mean, if you do this over the course of years, don't you end up losing like a year?

Yeah. Right now it's like it's my six-month anniversary. We're off by like a month or whatever, a couple weeks. When it's like your 50th anniversary, she's going to be celebrating like your 55th anniversary. Even the first month, dating a month, if you started dating, he said, on September 10th, like, the four-week chunk puts you on October 8th. It just, like, I mean, how am I supposed to guess that that's our one-man anniversary? You've got to count four weeks at a time.

It's four Tuesdays later. So I guess that's how she's going. Two things. One, where the fuck was her stuff for the anniversary? That's, you know, kind of like what we were saying. Double standard. Where's the double standard there? I mean, where was my fucking present?

Where was my fucking dinner? Where was my flowers and chocolate? Where was my fucking massage? Open up your pussy. So you can't get mad at someone for forgetting something when you didn't do anything either. Second of all, I feel like this is a pretty easy fix, and maybe he hasn't tried it, but what does the word March mean to you? It just means four weeks in March to her. But some of them start in February?

Yeah, that's the thing. What do the month titles mean to you? So like March 29th and 30th or whatever, it's technically starting your four weeks in April, right? How do you write dates? Yeah. Write a date for me. What's the date today? Right.

If months don't mean anything, how do you fucking write a check? What you really should do, this – I mean what you really should do is say – I mean honestly, I'm going to just give it a throwback here. This is retarded. I would tell my girlfriend, you're being retarded over this. I think that you have to break it down even further and be like, all right, our anniversary, our six-month anniversary is just 180 – no, I guess it wouldn't even work there. I mean I was going to say that just break it down by the day rather than the month and then you're going to be on the same page again. But it doesn't really work. No, months are very important.

If there was a better system, I feel like we would have thought of it by now. This has been working for – How about when they just added a couple, though? Not decades. Thousands of years, whatever the fancy word for that is. I mean, millennia. The calendar has been around for a very long time. Remember when the emperor was just like, nah, add a couple more months july for me and fucking yeah yeah i mean that was crazy imagine if i just did that now just added a whole new month i'll be fucked but yeah i mean this is

one of the most important i think i was thinking about this the other day uh i don't know why because my brain just works strictly in ati now like conversations i have i'm always just peppering people with questions and thinking i i was trying to think of the most important thing that like society has come up with and i think my answer was days of the week which i guess also then becomes the calendar in general but like if we didn't have just think about how important like weekdays and weekends are monday to friday and then friday to saturday you're off like that i mean that's just like that dictates your entire life that's true i feel like it's less important to us although again it's gotten more important because like of our fake job you mean yeah yeah but i mean but but as our fake jobs got more real with like hr like five years ago basically meant nothing you

were like working right every day but Now we have a little bit more. But just forget about just even work. If you want to get together with someone and they're like, let's meet on Thursday. If we didn't have that common understanding. Yeah, that's true. That's very true. When are we going to meet you? I guess you could even say time then, like hours, minutes, all that.

But yeah, so if you can't understand these basic building blocks of society, I don't think you can. I mean, again, he's talking about the day-to-day functioning with her, and I'm still much more worried about being known as the guy who dates a girl who doesn't know how the months work. That, to me, is astoundingly stupid. I'm okay with that. I think things like that are unique. I like unique things. Oh, you are a nicer guy than I am.

But the – Oh, she can't read. How cute. She can't do basic math. That's so cute. I have to cut her steak for her. I feel like girls can't do math either. No.

Girls are better at math. Yeah? I mean, at least when I was a kid. I don't know. It's the only time I really tried in school or paid attention to what other people were doing. I feel like I've seen tweets go viral pretty, like, you know, everybody kind of steals tweets. But I've seen several times, like, pretty girls, like, don't do math, which I feel like is a thing. I mean, I don't do math.

I'm a pretty girl. I don't do math, which I feel like is a thing. I don't do math. I'm a pretty girl. I don't do math. You really are. When I go to dinner, I'll pay for dinner, but then I just slide the check to someone else. Yeah, yeah. You're just a boomer. Everyone's like, just move the decimal and double.

You are a mimmo. You really, really are. So what would you do? What would you do here? I would ask her to define months. Like define the day or write the date. You're trying to win the argument and convince her, which I understand, but I don't think. I think I would be successful at it.

I don't think you would. I think I would. I think you're underappreciating my. Because I feel like it's a basic thing that if she can't understand it like she's not gonna understand it from further probing as he worded it i it's so staggeringly stupid i guess one of those things where it's so stunning that i just i can't picture a world where she doesn't get it well you know it's like a very easy and you argue against marty and eventually you're like you're not winning this this, but I'm going to stop now.

And it's eventually you're just like, well, okay, see you in four weeks. That to me might be one of the – I mean I would like to say if everything else is perfect and he's as happy as can be like he said, like you got to power through it. But this was the other am i the asshole which was maybe the most clear-cut you are the asshole the other person is the asshole they are very funny am i the assholes are very funny like oh it's it's it's a great account i i got my my significant other uh you know a really beautiful present for our anniversary, which was four weeks after we met. She took a shit on it.

Am I the asshole? And then made me eat it. Am I the asshole here? We got that call last week. My girlfriend went through my phone and found all my conversations. Am I the asshole? What? Having a phone and conversations? No, you're not the asshole.

This is just a bad look for guys everywhere. This is tough. I live in an apartment at university with three of my friends. We get along fine in every aspect except for one dude who does this absolutely disgusting thing. This friend thinks it's funny or cool, honestly I don't know, to pin his used condoms on a bulletin board to show off all the times he's fucked. I've asked him a million times to take it down or put it in his own damn room, but he leaves it up

in the main living area for everyone to see. In his defense, this makes, you know what? I actually changed my answer based on this sentence. In his defense, he washes the condoms, cleans and dries them. The bulletin board itself is really big and really expensive.

He's designed it with Supreme stickers and a bunch of other things. There's a total of six condoms on the board. He doesn't seem to understand that I don't fucking care if he washes it or not. It's an eyesore and it's disgusting. So fast forward, this guy, he had a girl over to his place. She's coming over to study to watch a movie afterwards. So fast forward, this guy, he had a girl over to his place. She's coming over to study, to watch a movie afterwards. Classic, like, movie setup, right? Come over, study, we'll Netflix and chill.

I'm going to fuck. I was super duper fucking excited because this shit never happens to me. So before classes, I left to make sure I hide the bulletin board and clean the place up. Later that night, she came over. She wandered around looking at our dorm and I went to wash my hands. It's a weird thing, by the way. Like, looking at our dorm and i went to wash my hands it's a weird thing by the way like they're right back i gotta wash my hands uh when i came back the bullet the fucking bulletin board was back on the wall and she was staring at it she looked really uncomfortable she asked me what it was i got so nervous and choked up i turned bright

red i explained what it was to her the rest of the night was awkward she didn't even stay to watch the movie i took the bulletin board down before she left smashed it into small pieces threw it in the dumpster behind the building he asked me where the board was today and I told him exactly what I did with it I do feel bad for reacting that way but I was angry and the body count board was bound to be thrown out one way or another am I the asshole

I got so many thoughts here so many thoughts I mean on the surface again like no man the dude with the used fucking contraceptive trophies pinned to the wall, he's the asshole. Yeah. When you say in his defense and it's that he's cleaned the cum out and stuff, like, no, that's not a point in his favor either. I mean, I guess it's better.

It is a point in his favor. Yeah, I guess it's better than, like, cum dripping everywhere. Dried cum is the worst smell in the history of the world. With the rubber or the latex. Yeah. It's a disaster. But that shouldn't be like you don't earn like goodwill with me on that one because it's like you're the one putting your cum condoms all over the place. I'm also going to say this guy's an asshole because if you're going to have a bulletin board body count trophy thing,

it's got to have more than six on it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like, okay, you're having, again, average time in college. That better have, like, hundreds of condoms hanging. That better be a Dexter collection. Like, you've got bodies, bro.

That actually reminded me of the pond hockey tournament this weekend. I had, like, four, like, tomahawks on the back of my helmet. And people were like, one person in particular was like, oh, what are those for? The hand that was like, you know, after a game, like you get a Tomahawk thing, like Ohio State with a Buckeye shirt. And I was like, honestly, I do not remember exactly what you have to do to get one. But I do remember it was not that hard. So four is not a good amount to have on the back of my helmet.

I should be covered in these things. Yeah, like every time you made like a single good hit yeah i mean that that that is you know that's embarrassing like i mean of course it's embarrassing because you're like a sick fuck but like if you're putting on display to everyone like yeah six this year it's like yeah – Yeah, you bury that. Yeah. I mean, listen, if I was in college and I fucked sick people in a period, I'd be happy, but I wouldn't – I'm not like – it's not like you're captain of the fucking football team. You know what I mean? That is – What?

You are the biggest asshole on the fucking planet if this is a thing you think up and want to display. Yeah. All of that. Yeah. Yes, you're the asshole i don't if you if you ever in your life find yourself running a condom under a sink and it's not to make a water balloon you fucked up imagine just like nailing it in be like like you're fucking martin luther nailing the 99 trees of the fucking wall. Dude, it's a condom. Fucking grow up, bro.

But how, I think the funniest image to me is this guy in the back alley, like in office space when they're beating the fucking printer. He's just breaking this bulletin board. Oh, body count board ruined my date! Everyone's an asshole.

That's what I've learned. You know how you have everyone on the internet muted? Yes. Like we're just going to get to the point where everyone's the asshole on the internet. We're all in by the asshole. All right. Voicemail's time.

They're brought to you by SimpliSafe. They just announced Weinstein's going to jail. Breaking news. Harvey Weinstein going to jail. Thank God. I got a little bit nervous for a second there. When that chick came out and said that he had a pussy, I was like, yo. I was like, listen, Harvey Weinstein.

How long is he going to jail for? You just found guilty, right? Minimum five years up to 25. What? Yeah. Harvey Weinstein is going to, I mean, he'll die, but like 25 years? That's it? He's going to get 25 years That's it He's like 25 years

I'd be surprised if he gets five It's What? For real? It's not It's not for For rape? It's not for the like

Full gamut of everything It's just New York I think he also says A face trial in LA So what is this like It was He was found guilty of like Sexual assault

No Third degree rape Of Jessica Mann. So that's the main one. That's the main person. I think he was acquitted of everything else, right? What? Not too sure.

I believe he was acquitted of everything else. I don't know how many cases were here, how many in LA. I did not know. I thought, I mean, this guy is one of the most modern-day monsters. He's going to go to jail for a cup of coffee? I would bet that. But I don't know. Maybe LA is like the 40 defendants case i don't know yeah yeah uh i didn't i didn't

know what was gonna happen when when when they started making those accusations i was thinking to myself like he better have like that better be corroborated and provable because if if they're wrong and and he's just like well now now there's no credibility from this witness or whatever but obviously uh i guess it worked out. But I thought this was – I mean, what's Cosby doing? I do not know the time. I feel like he's gone for a long time. Jeez, that's crazy.

Even 25 is not enough for me. No, it is like – rape is very bad. Yes, so bad. Big bad. But the justice system doesn't view it that way. Yeah, that's fucking nuts. People go to jail for selling weed for a lot longer than you go for rape. I feel like first degree rape is probably like

beat you up, hold you down. I do not know. In fact, I very happily do not know the differences. Cosby is 10 years. What the fuck is going on? Yeah. I mean, the problem was, and this is what the defense was saying, was, like, she was, like, in a relationship with him for a period of time. So I guess, like, the justice system, like, penalizes you for that or whatever.

I don't know, man. That dude, that guy should be fucking. Wait, that was a defense? Yeah. Like, you can't rape your girlfriend? Not like you can't, but just like this was all consensual. Like you texted me and called me and we hung out together. We went on vacations together.

Oh, I guess I was thinking of Cosby. I don't know how – I guess Weinstein, if he's not drugging, I guess it is different. I don't know. And she admitted at times that she was using it like – she was like, yeah, I was dating Harvey Weinstein for my advantage at one point. So the defense like honed in on that one. And she was like, but then it got to a point where I didn't want to and I couldn't escape. So, I mean, obviously that's not an actual defense, but that's what their defense was. But I didn't think it worked to the point that you're only going to get like a few years.

I thought the motherfucker was going to rot like forever. Rich people don't rot in jail. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, it says third-degree rape is a class E felony, and it can only carry one to four years. Holy fuck! I think they charged him with all that stuff, so it's like, you know, when I had jury duty, it was like two old ladies pushing each other, and they were like, well, you can charge him with felony assault. Yeah.

Or you could also charge him with his misdemeanor. And they convicted him of, like, not the lesser. Yeah. Well, I feel like sometimes, you know, you want to make sure you get him on something, right? Right. So you don't overextend yourself because you probably got the best lawyers in the world. And I guess if he does go to jail for a handful of years, like, you do run, you know, he might just fucking kick. He looks like a bag of shit right now.

He can't even walk. Yeah. What's up with that, though? He's faking that. No, I guess he, like, he had an article in the New York Post where he was just very not apologetic. Yeah. And that was in a hospital or something like that so doctors could tell them that it was real and shit like that. I don't know.

Pussy. I was hurting him. All right. Voicemail time. It's brought to you by SimpliSafe. You want to make sure you keep all the monsters out of your house, all the bad people out. SimpliSafe is the way to do it. Make sure that nobody gets in there and threatens your loved ones or your belongings or your home that you paid so much money for or your apartment that you're living in, whatever it may be.

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So you've got nothing to lose. Go to simplisafe.com slash kfc radio hey kfc fights bc got a little dilemma here uh received my neighbor's amazon package and it was late at night when we received the package and my wife accidentally opened it so we open it we look in there there's nothing crazy in there just dog treats and like just little stuff from around the house. Well, we've now had, you know, we said we'd take it back over to them and give it to them or whatever, but we've now had this package for coming up on about two weeks. So I think I know what I'm going to do, but just wanting y'all's advice as well.

Do I just throw this package in the trash and just pretend this never happened? Or do I go over and talk to my neighbor? I'm thinking I'm going to throw it in the trash because I obviously don't want to deal with it. But let me know your thoughts. Why don't you just give it to him? Yeah, what's – he just accidentally opened his neighbor's package? Yeah, I think it's that, and then it's been two weeks since he got it, so he's more thinking, like, instead of having an awkward conversation,

it's all this way. Well, you just go put it on their doorstep. Yeah. You don't have to, like, knock on the door and be like, I kept this from you for two weeks, forgot about it, felt awkward about it. Just deliver them the mail, right? Yeah, this one seems like a pretty easy one. Yeah, I mean you gotta be a real asshole

to be like, I have this. I know it's yours. I know you wanted it. You bought it or ordered it or whatever. I'm just gonna throw this in the garbage. Just go put it on their front step. And even if it was, let's say you had to have a conversation, I think I would be like oh, this got lost in my mail and I didn't realize I had it. their front step. And even if it was, even if it, let's say you had to have a conversation, I think I would be like,

oh, this got lost in my mail and I didn't realize I had it. Here you go. Yeah. I think if someone got that mad about it, that would be unreasonable. If someone was ever like,

you had this for two weeks? I'd be like, ah, okay, well, fuck you then, dude. Never talk again.

I opened it. I didn't really know what it was. I kind of just put it aside. Just going through my mail. It's been two weeks. Two weeks isn't that long. Do you ever get mail, like I get mail sometimes to my apartment with the old name on it was. I kind of just put it aside. Just going through my mail. It's been two weeks. Two weeks has now. Do you ever get mail? Like, I get mail sometimes to my apartment with the old name on it.

And sometimes I think, like, it could be important. I throw that out. Oh, yeah. Like, I don't know who they are. They're kind of neighbors. But, like, I mean, I still get it. But I feel like it's different. I think apartments and houses are different.

Yeah. The apartments, I've been. Cycles. I bet every single apartment I'm in still gets mailed to me. Definitely. Because I haven't changed anything. I don't let people know. It's just so you know, I've moved.

I don't know if there's some regular mailing thing that goes out annually. Every apartment I've ever lived in still gets mailed to me. I agree. One of the most irrational, stubborn, childish things I do is that I just like don't change my address. I don't think it's irrational at all. Well, I mean it kind of is in the sense that like you should just do it. Why? Who do I even call?

Yeah, it sucks. You got to go to like the US Postal website and there's like – I still live in Boston. Yeah, I mean – According to my license, I live in Boston. I mean, yeah, my license is definitely wrong as well. I don't know where I live anymore. But, like, I got to where I was missing, like, I guess this is why I don't know.

I don't know why. I don't know why I had to do it. I just remember, like, remember I was saying when I'm in a relationship, like, when I was married, she RSVPs for me. You know? This is another thing, too. It's like, I don't know. You've got to take the mail mail where's your tax stuff go like you know you have to file your taxes barstool's gonna mail you yeah well so so i i mean i did do this because i was

yeah i think i was missing out on things like that or or yeah like what where's your w2 go your mom no i get it so you did change your address no he probably just puts his address when he like did paperwork here. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't change.

Honestly, who do I need to tell? I don't know who to have to tell. Yeah, there was a – I don't know why, but there was something that I was like, oh, shit, I got to have that. Jay, just so you know, I've moved. Yeah, what are you talking about? Who are you notifying? Because when I moved – You just need to notify the people that are mailing you stuff. When I moved, I went to, like, the U.S. Postal Service, and you do, like, a change your address thing.

Why? I can't remember, but there was something where I was like, I need to do that. But we don't really. Like, again, that's why I was like, I think I was doing it because my ex-wife was doing it. And I was like, ah, this seems like something she would have done for me in the past, so I'm just going to have to do it too. I don't know. That's why I need to get like – I think you need the service where you just – I guess what I'm talking about is personal manager. But I need someone to do that for me because I'm just not going to do it.

I was thinking that the other day. I need to get rich and successful enough where it's reasonable to have that. There's got to be a certain level of money and success where you – like if a regular-ass dude was like, this is my personal assistant, I'd be like, get the fuck out of here. But if you run into a celebrity or something like that, you'd understand. Like, all right, talk to my people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to be able to have people.

What's that level? I don't know. You tell me. What would be a reasonable – like right now if I had someone like deal with all my shit. Well, you probably got to pay that person $50,000 a year. So when you have $50,000 a year to spare. Yeah. No, but because like I don't need all of your time.

Like I only need you occasionally. So you can – Yeah, but you probably have to reserve all that person's time because what else are they gonna do it's almost like being on call because like if they're at their regular job and you need them to do something no this is why this is why there should be a service where it's like i don't even need a single personal assistant i need someone to handle my shit so you can just you can be a personal assistant for tons of people yeah like a monthly subscription rate yeah Yeah. I like this.

It's almost like it needs a catchy name. You know, everybody's like docking a box. We need like, you know. Since Dave sent out that application thing, everybody's DMing.

Now there's a job. You want to get your foot in the door? You are like eight people at Barstool's personal assistant. Go through and take care of everything that they need. That's a great one.

It just seems so like I very rarely need you. It's like a butler. It's just – Yeah. What I need is like when I get a parking ticket, I need you to pay that for me. Right. Like shit like that.

I need – Send my thank you notes. Right. Well, I'm not even going to do that anymore. But yes, that would be a good one. Just things like that where it's like this is going to spiral and it's going to be a problem for me down the road because I'm just like an asshole. Can you just do this for me right now that is is i like that it's kind of like brett brett used to do all this stuff like for barstool it would be like you just go to brett you just like book travel yeah do all sorts of stuff he wasn't supposed to but like book my

travel like maybe occasionally like go grocery shopping for me this is what we'll get a summer intern i think this is why people get girlfriends. This is why you start dating a girl. It will be like you, John, Casey, Jared. Yeah, the whole crew. Everybody that sits over there in the corner, keeps whatever he needs. Yeah. That will be his job.

I think it's – I like this idea a lot. I just think it makes no sense to not have that. I honestly think there's no way I just came up with that. That system. Someone must have that system. It's kind of like TaskRabbit, but like for, you know. Personal finances. Yeah.

Finances and just logistics and all that shit. Travel, bills, even just like run my calendar, my four-week chunks, like remind me of things. You don't even like a calendar. Yeah. We have people run our calendars for us. I know, but I need someone to like – I need someone like – You need someone to then text your calendar to you. I do.

I text them like every night. What do we have tomorrow? I need someone to do that. I check his calendar for him. Yeah. It's just a calendar. Kevin. You just need a brother.

Kevin is so against the calendar. I just – nothing is connected to my phone anymore. That will never happen again. So I can't do it. I'm sorry, guys. Unless you're going to write it on a fucking paper calendar for me. If you can – so I need you to – It's right there.

It's written up on the wall. First of all, I can't even read that. Can you read that? I can't read that. The glare is on. I need someone to tell me every night because I will never connect anything to my phone ever again. TaskRabbit has a personal assistant section. For how much?

Let's see. Because you know what the problem is too is a lot of times this involves like here's my credit card number here's right here's my info here's my fucking social security so it's got to be someone trustworthy yeah no i wouldn't do it to task i'd have to do it to like well that's why i'm saying that you probably need to have a pay him well like you need to figure out a way for someone to get fifty thousand dollars a year forty fifty thousand dollars a year whether it's but what if it's like $15,000 a year, but you can have fucking 12 clients? Yeah.

Because, again, I probably just need you. I honestly don't know what I'd need you for. I would pay a significant amount of money a year just for when it pops up. Some of them might come up. Yes. You just do it for me. Yeah. Yeah.

Like when I got that $6,000 charge and I had to, like, go through it and talk to them. Can you call them and fix that for me? Schedule my dentist appointment for me. Yes. Although I do that myself now, it takes literally three seconds. Not going to do it, though. It's crazy. But maybe I would go more often if someone did it for me.

If they're just like, here's your dentist appointment. I don't do regular doctors, but brain doctors. Brain doctors? Like, therapy. Oh, yeah. Like, that's easier. I'm like, hey hey can i make an appointment like yeah even that i'm like i keep saying i'm gonna do that and i just haven't done it like i

need to i just need someone i need a mom or a wife or a fucking assistant i got one you've had all of those i know i know i know it's like my mom ain't doing shit i lost the other one i need now i gotta pay someone i tried to do this the legit ways without paying people, but now I guess I've got to just shell out the money. So you don't think there's a level then? I don't. Oh, yeah. You used that same question, didn't you?

I can hear everything so loud in my headphones right now. It's crazy. Like every pop on the desk and every – Yeah, that's how it is for the listeners. We should probably wear these more often so we know what the listening experience know what the we need to get you like a pad or something then you you hit a barstool radio is it's devastating the sound that the the mics make when you move them like it i don't know how a single person subscribes the the the the desk is the bad one i'm gonna start like holding something because it's not good. What was I going to say?

I would guess you need a hit TV show. I was thinking Jersey Shore is minimal. And Mike should have done that. Yeah. Mike should have gotten one. He would have been. It wouldn't have been crazy if Mike had one. That's where apparently Jersey Shore is when it goes from could to should. Not that you were allowed to attain one.

You should have done that. I don't like I mean, I don't know. I mean, it definitely wouldn't be crazy for Dave to have one. I mean, Dave's looking for one basically. Dave has like three. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing is it's like he just looking he's looking for another Frankie. Frankie's never going anywhere.

No. I mean, that's the thing is it's like he just looking he's looking for another Frankie. Frankie's never going anywhere. No, no. Frankie's stuck. Stuck working for like the richest, most powerful man on the internet. Trapped. All right. Last voicemail because we got a monster episode here. We're running long. Last voicemail is brought to you by HelloFresh.

This is another thing. Like, I mean, I can do it myself. What I need is this is how lazy I'm getting. HelloFresh has simplified this process so much. You don't have to go to the grocery store anymore. You don't need a personal assistant. You don't need to have someone go buy all these things. It gets mailed directly to you.

I almost need someone to like open the box and put it away. I need all of that. You know what I mean? I feel like I even need someone to cook these for me. That's how lazy I am. No, I cooked them last night. Again, I cannot stress HelloFresh enough. You have to get it.

I pay to advertise for them. Yeah. That's how good a service this is. I pay them monthly to get on a podcast and tell hundreds of thousands of people that it's great. This is the man who would not get out of bed while people were watching him masturbate. And he's like, it's so easy, I can cook them up. Dude, last night I made spicy chicken pineapple fajitas.

Yikes. Whoa. Delicious. Spicy chicken pineapple sounds delicious. It was fucking really good. I have another one. Pineapple and mango are two things that are good. Pepper that in there.

I get three meals a week, which then means six meals a week because I – Two people. They're in portions of two. You can also do it for four if you have like a family or if you're fat. So I have another pineapple chicken fajita quesadilla coming tonight that I'm going to eat. And it's just like I can't wait to get home. It's already cooked for me. I'm going to eat it.

It's delicious. I got some firecracker meatballs coming up later this week. And I have shrimp tacos coming up later this week. Look at this guy. Yeah, I'm following Falk around. This is restaurant Feidelberg over here. And it's straight up delicious. Hello Fights.

In fact, it's made me lose respect for chefs. Because as long... Great tagline. Hello Fresh. You'll lose respect for people because as long great tagline hello fresh you'll lose respect for people who do this professionally as long as you play it out for me step by step and give me all the ingredients i can do it too i can make a goddamn delicious yeah yeah i mean that maybe that's the greatest like secret like that chefs have been keeping all the time like anybody could do this

yeah it's gordon ramsay ain't just read a book. He just does HelloFresh, man. Yeah, man. It says... Even if my mom, my aunt gets it, and my mom, I guess she had an extra one last week or two weeks ago, and my mom was like, yeah, we'll take it. I'm going to cook it. Yeah. So her and my daughter-in-law is almost a daughter. Hang on to the recipe cards, too, because you can just cook those forever.

Not just when you get the box. You can get your own ingredients. You can do it again. If you like the pineapple shrimp, whatever. My mom's difficult to impress. And she was impressed with the brands of the sauces in it and stuff like that. Yeah, it's all quality stuff. It's all very, very quality.

And it's prepackaged, pre-portioned, so it's all easy to go. And you can get 10 free meals, which is, like John said, if you're single, 20 free meals, basically. When you go to HelloFresh.com slash KFC10. Free shipping, 10 free meals, feeds 20 times, and go to HelloFresh.com slash KFC10 for that deal. Last one, what do we got? What's up, KFC? Fights?

Super duper, PC? Oh, boy. Listen, though. So, I did something so dumb, so profoundly stupid the other night. Sounds like it. I called my girlfriend. It was my buddy's 21st birthday. And naturally, I was drunk as fuck.

I was blackout drunk. As opposed to now? For some reason, I had the idea to call my girlfriend. And I tell her, and I quote, I don't plan on cheating on you, but it might happen. What the fuck?

What the fuck? I am so, it is so profoundly stupid that I said that. I can't believe I did that. I found out the next day. I didn't even know I did it. Like,

like until she told me I did it. How do I get next day. I didn't even know I did it. Like, until she told me I did it. How do I get myself out of the doghouse? Is there any way out? Or should I torch this whole thing? Let me know, boys. Viva. Absolutely. But! In his defense.

The preemptive breakup, for sure. In his defense, you just told the truth. I mean, that's every person in every relationship. I don't plan on cheating on you, but I don't know. Things might arise. I mean, yeah, but rewind yourself right there. You told the truth.

Don't ever tell the truth. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's the problem. But you're right. In his defense, he just... Anyone who was being honest with themselves and said, are you going to remain monogamous? As it stands right now, yes. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there was plenty of times. Anyone who was being honest with themselves and said, are you going to remain monogamous?

As it stands right now, yes. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there was plenty of times. If I get home and Luna stars in my bed, who knows what's going to happen. I don't plan on it, but things might happen. Do you plan on belittling and berating me and maybe physically assaulting me at some point? No, you don't.

Will it probably happen because it does to everybody else? Yes, it probably will. So you can never say never. No. But once you do No, you don't. Will it probably happen because it does to everybody else? Yes, it probably will. You can never say never. But once you do this, you absolutely break up with her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, by the way, you probably should for like, you're not ready for a relationship. It seems like you have some things to work out.

Alcoholism. You know, your approach towards women. We don't shame alcoholism here. But if you are a blackout, fall-down drunk, you should maybe just keep that to yourself. Keep that contained and don't bring anyone else into that fucking pit of misery. But yeah, you got some things to work out, pal. You got some demons, maybe. It's mental health year.

It's 2020. So get on that train and don't subject any other girls to that. Not until you're ready. Not until you've cleaned all that shit up. But yeah, break up because she will bring that up forever. Yeah, it's like when they see one of those massive spiders in a house in Australia. Just burn the house down. Just burn the relationship down.

Time to go. Or you could just stay with her and then cheat on her and be like, look, I told you. I didn't plan on it. Things might happen. So then it kind of ends itself. It's like this relationship is over. Do you want to just pull the cord now or let it play out?

That's up to you. But that moment will end your relationship. So you can either do it until you actually fulfill the prophecy or you can just pull the ripcord now. That's up to you. That guy's a drinking problem though, by the way. He was drunk on that voicemail too. All right. Sean Evans is on thecord now. That's up to you. That guy's a drinking problem, though, by the way. He was drunk on that voicemail, too. All right.

Sean Evans is on the show right now. Host of Hot Ones. New host of the Hot Ones game show. All-around great guy. Very funny dude. Internet fucking monster. So give it a listen. Awesome guest.

Talk to you later this week. All right. Big guest. Monster guest. Sean Evans is here And uh You're getting obnoxious man I mean just like the amount of success And the amount of guests

The guests are just, it's a joke The coming in here smelling as good as you do It was really the icing on the cake If you're watching he's got a great jacket on And he smells delicious You should smell like sweat and hot sauce i don't know what's going on man it's all on purpose you know i have to come in bringing that kind of yeah and the misdirection yes no but seriously i mean every if you look

down the rundown of like your latest guests it's it's just a who's who it's crazy yeah and it feels like sort of a week over week uh commitment to the cause snowballing thing. Where it's like something like you shake the Kevin Hart candy bar out of the vending machine. They all start falling. Or something like that. That's true. I mean, all it takes is, who do you think was like, was there one original guest that opened the floodgates? We talk about the tentpole episodes all the time.

And when we first started doing the show, it was not very popular at all. And we used to joke like, wow, I'm eating like a lot of spicy ass shit for no nothing yeah i'm not sure this is all worth it uh but then uh the first episode that was like millions of views like on the front page of reddit sort of wake up the next morning what the hell happened so the thing was the key and peel episode which is like fairly early on and then uh the thing that we found most encouraging is that whenever we'd have some sort of big hit, you'd see the sort of all boats lift. Everybody, all of you start going up. Yeah.

So I'm like, we have like that binge show. Right. You know, like we have a very bingeable show. So that's good. Oh, yeah. I mean, I feel like you can go down a hot ones rabbit hole real fast. Yeah, exactly. With the suggested floor, yeah.

Yeah. So when we were like, okay, well, if like the people in the tent like the show uh then all we need is more people in the tent because they'll stick around week over week i mean it's a i'm almost surprised to hear in the beginning it was kind of a grind because it is just a it's like a cheat code almost it's like you're doing like an interview but you just add this food element which is big and then extra the extra level of like it's a contest with the hotness. Because I feel like people, they've always worn that as like a badge of honor. Like how hot can you take? And it's just, it makes perfect sense to me why it is what it is. Yeah. I think there

are a bunch of ingredients that kind of work for it. You know, we do try to be as thoughtful in the interview as we possibly can be. And because we're asking our guests to jump through a ridiculous hoop, we want to meet them halfway on that and try to hit on the sort of career-spanning moments that people would be interested in. And then, of course, you do have this added thing where you can just see Margot Robbie dying on spicy chicken wings. That is just sort of a thing that I can't believe. Sometimes while it's happening, I'm like, good internet is happening in this room right now. You can see it I was saying that earlier today Where it's like

Almost like when The week starts You need to wait For a Hot Ones episode To come out To find out what The meme of the week Is going to be

Because it's going to come From that episode What they look like What they say What they do It's such a weird thing And then too I think that that's like

Also what's kind of Played into the show's audience Is that there are people Chris D'Elia had like An amazing tweet the other day where it was like, I'm going to misquote it and butcher it, but he was like talking about how sports, you know, you can be somebody who's smart and watching sports on like a high level, sort of strategic level.

I remember him saying this. Or you can just be like an idiot caveman watching it for its caveman qualities. And Hot Ones kind of has that too. That's the perfect place to live. Yeah, exactly. So there would be people who are watching it solely based to see like how is this celebrity going to react to hot sauce based on other celebrities they just want to see them scream spitting buckets and then some people are like interested in like the finer notes of like saturday night live bts or something

yeah yeah yeah you get it all the wings itself i think play a huge part in that just because it's like people i think if you have someone doing at least one other thing, they forget they're on a show. Yeah. Where it's like, so it ends up being just like talking to friends rather than like, I'm on a talk show right now. It's like, I'm eating wings with my buddy at the bar. Yeah. And we'll get something out of me that I probably wouldn't share usually. And that was an unintended consequence.

Like we wanted something that would take somebody out of their PR-driven flight pattern. Right. You know, like we wanted something that was. Generic robotic answers. Exactly. We needed something that would take somebody out of their PR-driven flight pattern. We wanted something that was – The generic robotic answers. Exactly. We needed something disruptive. But it's funny that you said that because one time I was doing this e-news thing, and they were just being kind of goofy where it's like you put an ice cube in your mouth to answer the questions. And I actually felt that it was very comfortable to do because I'm like I'm doing doing this absurd thing so I feel like I have a longer leash

on everything else. I'm not just tightrope walking through this interview with that kind of pressure. I'm doing something completely crazy. Cut the formality out or something like that. We had that at one of the Super Bowl live shows in Minnesota. We had Luke Wilson on as a tight end

for the Seattle Seahawks. We were playing those fucking, what are those called? They're like a lottery rip-apart, pull-tab lottery game. In Minnesota. And it was like he was just sitting there playing pull-tabs telling the story of being in the huddle for the

Malcolm Butler interception. He was saying some shit I don't think he was supposed to say. Yeah, exactly. He was kind of just zoned out doing pull-tabs. And he's like, and Carol was a fucking idiot with that call and it's like you're still an active player dude yeah yeah it works you get a little distracted I mean and I would be terrible because I feel like I'd be I'd just be focused on like survival and my mouth not falling apart that I'd be saying all sorts of shit I mean it's a great it's a great format man it really works I was just watching YG which was just classic I mean that was's a great format, man. It really works. I was just watching YG, which was just –

Classic. I mean, that was insane. In the vault. It was one of the more, like, impressive things, period, I've ever seen. And that's what I think is amazing, too, is because, you know, it's a rapper. We'll have to put on that hard facade, you know? Yeah. So you'll see episodes where the wings kind of break that.

And then even, too, whether it's a professional wrestler or a football player. You're supposed to be a tough guy. Yeah. And it's funny, too, to sit across from them and kind of see. You see very much when it's an athlete, them looking you in the eyes. You can see the one more rep. Yeah. One more wing.

You can kind of see that in them. Or Natalie Portman or Halle Berry. I remember Natalie Portman being like, you son of a bitch. Like, what a jerk. I'm here to be brave. You like, you son of a bitch. Like, what a jerk. I'm here to be brave. You know, like she was in character. Right, right, right. You know, and you could see that.

And I kind of like giggled when she said that, but I was like, oh, she's not joking at all. They go to a different place. She's in her, exactly. So it's kind of funny to see that from the other side of the table, too. I saw, I think it was a Shia app. Shia was pushing you. Shia was like, all right, let's go more more let's go more i came to came to party he was on i mean i'm a huge shia labeouf fan but the i think you had a question for him where you asked him our memes

are and shia being who he is and with his history like i would have assumed he was going to say like fuck no you know you got to really dedicate yourself to the craft and he had the exact opposite answer that's when i was like you know what i love this man he said he was going to say, like, fuck no. You know, you got to really dedicate yourself to the craft. And he had the exact opposite answer. That's when I was like, you know what? I love this man. He was like, do memes move you? Then there are. Anything that moves you is there. And I was like, fucking Shia, tell them.

Let's go. Yeah, and that's too just effortlessly kind of cool and comfortable in his skin in there. It's incredible. And what? You've just been eating hot shit. You've been preparing for this your whole life, whether or not you realized it. I remember the funny story that I tell sometimes. I remember

one of my early memories was watching the Bears game, and my dad's got chips and salsa on the table, and I remember going in for a bite, and it's hot salsa, and just looking at my dad in a panic. Do we have mild salsa? And he was like, not at my dad in a panic what have i done we have mild salsa and he

was like not in my house so it was uh by virtue of his being a salsa purist like a c minus d plus parent kind of planted that seed in me i mean in the end it was a plus parenting look where you are now i didn't know that it was gonna pay off like this that's very it was a video that went viral a couple weeks ago. I'm sure you saw it. It was a little baby eating a pepper, and she thought it was like a pickle. I don't know what she thought it was, but the moment she just like froze and was like, what is this?

What have you done to me? I mean, that's pretty much torture. That was bad parenting, but whatever. Hey, maybe one day she'll be on Hot Ones. Exactly. And it's all for the good. And so what's up now? Game show's next?

Yeah. So premieres tonight or whenever this comes out. It'll be on Tuesdays on TruTV. And yeah, it's very so Hot Ones, you know, it has this spicy wing hook. But we're really an interview show at heart. It's a disruptive element in it. But the game show, too, is like very much classic classic game show but then it has this ridiculous hot sauce element it would be uh two teams of two so like uh feidelberg and kfc who would you take on oh and and we're and

we're talking it's still eating eating base yeah i mean i mean yeah no who would you want to take on in the who would like uh pft and was going to say, let's do PMT. So you guys would be competing against each other. You start the round off. You eat a wing, and the first sauce is called the brain burner. So it's like putting your brain on a hibachi, and then you're getting rapid-fire trivia questions. Then you come back from break sweating your face off,

and it's a new wing, and it's the eye of the scorpion Which is meant to make your eyes water So you have it Washing away your eyes Wait who the fuck is making Sauces designed to make your eyes water Us This is some like

Hostile saw type shit Are you heavily involved in Like I picture like the end of Breaking Bad When they're Just cooking it up When they have all the sauces And Sean's just sitting there like Fucking dead in the face In a bathtub stirring it up when they have all the sauces and they're like fucking dead in the

face in a bathtub stirring it up uh no it's nothing like that like uh we'll have sort of an idea of what we want to do or like they'll come in and we'll be like oh should i have like a miso base or a habanero base or a chipotle base and testing out different things and turning the knobs on heat and stuff but if i was making sauce it would be a disaster so we we've partnered with heatness have you ever seen that like a hot sauce store in brooklyn it's in williamsburg but he's like our uh hot sauce guru and and we meet with him and he helps us mastermind the the lineup for every so what does it go brain eyes so eyes and then and then the game might be kevin's like a a close-up of a flag and then it's slowly

zooming out and then the team that can identify the flag first gets the points and then the third round is this sort of like back and forth steal the answer trip up mount scoville and then the team the team the team that ends up with the most cash after those three rounds then goes to the ring of fire oh the winner yeah what the fuck and it's crazy we have like pyrotechnics coming out of the coming out of the floor like it's so insane and then we set you on fire where we shoot hot ones which is like this budget 80s cable access show to like now this pepper dome big huge like lights camera action thing but if you win that final game your team then you get a twenty five,000 and two ice-cold milkshakes.

There you go. Milkshakes are for winners. Right, right, right. You know what's crazy? You've taken the word Scoville. I think I've brought it. If someone says Scoville, I just think of Hot Wheels. I think of you.

It's crazy. Yeah, well, sometimes, yeah, you kind of think about Kraft hot sauce and how that's all grown and stuff. I think, yeah yeah i wonder for better or worse yeah when you are associated with skullbill now are you gonna be on the game show eating still or no no no because i always respected the fact that you you go through like what the what the guest is going to go through now you're finally just a puppet master behind the scenes yeah yeah 10 seasons yeah you're done 200 episodes i'm out i'm not you know i'm not

you know and then of course that keeps going like we're still doing yeah yeah the that's an important thing too you know we're doing the game show but we have the interview show and and uh we'll always do the interview show so that's you know we like launched season 11 at the same time that we're launching this tv show so it's been like a crazy couple of months here uh but yeah no i'm just i'm hosting the show like uh like drew carey or alex trebek or uh the in the game show world man no that is that's big money that's big fame that's big you know prestige you could do this for like 30 years i always think about the jobs in entertainment that no one ever leaves. And no one ever leaves game shows. They hold on to them.

Bob Barker died on set. Yeah. I don't know. Is Bob Barker alive? He is, but you would think. I don't blame him. 11 a.m. call time, 3 p.m. wrap. A little skinny mic.

Three, four episodes in a day. It's the best job. But you earned it by going through literally the fire of hell. Thank you. Was there a plan B, or were you doing other stuff at the same time as doing Hot Sauce, Hot Ones, Hot Wings that you could have potentially continued doing? Well, we're so prolific in doing a show where it's like we'll crank out.

If there's 52 weeks in a year, we probably put out, I don't know, like 36 episodes of the show, another like six Truth or Dabs. Like we're always doing this stuff. Plus we travel for the show. So we have this travel schedule that makes it tough to do anything else. And then inherently there's so much research involved in doing each episode. And we're a really small team doing all of this.

So it made it so it was really, it's hard to have the elbow room to do anything else. But we always wanted to do a game show and we'd been trying to do it for two years before we finally got the green light and then once you get the green light it just goes so so fast but the amazing thing about a game show is you can like i said you know you can shoot a whole year's worth of episodes in like two weeks so like during the holiday went down to atlanta rocked out the pepper dome for a couple weeks and then now it's like 20 episodes yeah so that's kind of like the only way we can be as prolific as we are with hot ones and do other stuff as if we can like slam a lot of work into a small amount of time and and like how's like the stomach ulcers going

are you guys just conditioned for it i appreciate you checking in but i i went to a doctor not that long ago and i had them hook me up to everything and i was i was like biting my nails waiting for the numbers yeah yeah and they were like these are all these numbers are outstanding you're like a mutant you're making you strong yeah you have to be like i mean run them again right i heard what i wanted to hear I'm out Yeah that's good How much You mentioned the research You said the small team

How much research Are you putting into Like every episode As much as we have So like sometimes We'll only have like Be like alright They

Whatever Like Margot Robbie Can shoot on Thursday And it's like Tuesday night We're like alright Book the flight Whatever And you stay up all night

And you read as much as you can You write as much And listen to as much as you can Watch as much as you can. You write as much and listen to as much as you can, watch as much as you can. And then I'm like now employing my little brother. I'm giving him like we're dividing it all up. So it's like between me, Chris, and my little brother, it's like you take these podcasts, you watch this stuff, you read all these profiles, you find out where do they live. Like anytime, like the local paper covered them,, anytime they're on this thing, that thing. Oh, shit, we just read Wikipedia.

Yeah. Maybe we should start doing that. All right, well, we're going to go next door, and we're going to do our uncomfortable YouTube video that will put you to the test on answering the internet. I might answer in the internet. Oh, yeah, let's fucking cook it up, all right? But in the meantime, everybody go watch Hot Ones, of course,

and the game shows on TruTV, right? Tuesday nights. Yep, Tuesday nights on TruTV. Check it out. Thanks, guys. Great stuff. Look at what you see In her face

The mirror of your dreams Make believe I'm everywhere Give it in the light Written on the pages is The answer to a never ending story Reach the stars Lie a fantasy Dream a dream

And what you see will be Suns and kings, there's a great deal Of gold behind the clouds And there upon a rainbow is The answer to A never ending Story Ah

Ah Story Ah Ah Ah