KFC Radio - Mario Lopez, By The Way, The #1 Anti-Constitution Podcast

Episode Date: November 5, 2020

Subscribe, Rate, and Leave a Review! -We go over the highlights of Election Night -Why the electoral college and constitution need to be tossed -KFC has noticed a new crutch phrase -Feits wants to hire a lawyer to sue for being born against his will -AITA Thursday (all submitted by fans from our FB Group page [link below]) -Voicemails (01:49:00) Mario Lopez joins the show! We talk about the upcoming Mike Tyson fight that he'll be hosting, the similarities between him and AC Slater, which superstar was his first kiss, almost oversleeping an interview with Barack Obama, and much more. Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @MarioLopezViva Subscribe to our youtube for daily clips and full video podcasts: www.youtube.com/c/kfcradio Join our Facebook discussion group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/990412718092363You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I think we're becoming the number one anti-Constitution podcast. Fuck the Constitution! I am so sick of the Constitution! This is what our founding fathers did. Our founding fathers died of gonorrhea. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network.

My esteemed colleagues are telling me that I'm on one today, so watch the fuck out. Coming for that ass. Maybe I've just got election fever, man. Maybe I'm just so excited for the future of America. Are you? Nope. Nope. Nope.

I had fun. I had fun with the election. John King, you had fun? I had fun. I liked it. It was a good time. I stayed up until like 4 o'clock with the election. John King, you had fun? I had fun. I liked it. It was a good time. I stayed up until like 4 o'clock in the morning. Woke up at 9, back to fucking election watching.

It was a good time. I worked out twice. Yeah. I mean, that's how long this shit went, right? I had multiple meals. I worked out a couple times. What time did you go to bed? 4.

I fell asleep at like 4. Wow. I just fell asleep at like 4. Because of the election? You were staying up for that reason? yeah I knew they just repeatedly kept telling us nothing is going to happen tonight and we were like they might be lying so let's hang out

and I was one of them I called it at like midnight but if you woke up in the morning and just like caught a quick little recap you were fine. You didn't miss anything. No, you didn't miss anything. I mean, I got the tweets off.

I was having fun. Yeah, well, that's the thing. Sometimes I think about sports. Sometimes I'll go to bed. I'll wake up in the morning for radio. I'll talk about a game I never even fucking watched because you catch a couple highlights. You see a couple postgame interviews and you get the gist. It's like, oh, they lost, but it was because of this one big play.

And boy, was that a stupid comment. And you can talk about a game. Yeah. The same way you could do that, you could talk about last night. But when you live it and you do it, you got more ammo, you got more jokes, you got more angles. I learned about the Nebraska 2nd Congressional District. Sure. If I had gone to bed earlier, I don't think I would have.

I think that got called after you went to bed. How ignorant of me. I don't know anything about the Nebraska second congressional fucking votes. But yeah, you pick up the little factoids and tidbits along the way. This is the biggest voter turnout since 1900. I don't know what happened in 1900. Oh, yeah, now. So when I saw it, it was.

Trump, I'm sorry, Biden has surpassed Obama for the most votes ever. 1900 was a big year. Motherfuckers were voting. I don't know why. What happened in 1900? Industrial Revolution or some shit? William Taft got stuck in a tub? That fat fuck.

You know, it is... Let's just, before we go any further, let's give a blanket statement of, we don't know what we're talking about. Let's do that, like, honestly, for this episode, but in perpetuity. I'm sick of being like, you know, and just so we're clear i'm not informed but

certainly for this yes i almost want i'm not gonna say it again yeah this is the one time i don't know what i'm talking about listen up this is the uh the god bless you that covers the next seven seasons you know like understand and if you if you just turned on the podcast and you you scrubbed to the middle that's on you if you If you didn't hear this part, I'm sorry. That's on you. So yeah, full disclaimer, we don't know what we're talking about. In some regards, I do think we know what we're talking about

when it comes to people and social media, but certainly not when it comes to politics. No. Again, I learned about the second congressional district also of Maine, the region I'm from. Didn't know they had it either. But guess what? The president doesn't know either.

No. Oh, people got mad. Dude, what? The president doesn't know either. No. Oh, people got mad. Dude, I knew I was in for a night with that. I just sent one tweet. It isn't even that insulting. It's not. It's not, but I knew you were going to be in trouble. John's in the mud.

John's in the mud now. I just muted that conversation so fast. Once people were like, cry more. I'm just making fun of a dumb person for being dumb. And explaining that I am just as dumb in the tweet. I can't remember what state city it was supposedly to have won or did win. But it was like Oklahoma, I recognize, because it looks like a butcher's knife. And then it was Tennessee, I recognize, because it's long.

And then Kentucky, I think it's above Tennessee. Is Tennessee long or is it wide? Wide. But you know what I mean. It looks long. I don't know. I would describe it wide? Wide. But you know what I mean. It looks long. It looks – I don't know. I would describe it as long still. I know.

I think that's a 50-50 thing. Yeah. Technically, it's wide. I was like, I don't know what the rest of these states are. Neither does Trump. People are like, does he die? I was like, no, he fucking doesn't. I mean, you really think – That's the crazy thing.

You give Donald Trump a blind map? People think Donald Trump cares about them. It's like, yo, that guy doesn't – he can't find you on a map. That's just a fact. I'm not even making a joke. I'm not you on a map. That's just a fact. I'm not even making a joke. I'm not even making an assumption. It's a fact I know in my heart.

I bet you a lot of politicians can't. Right. There's no shame in it. No. That's what I don't get. And that's where I think we can speak to it. I have a hard-on right now for hating on Nate Silver and FiveThirtyEight. And there's a bunch of die-hard stans who love him. I've been doing it with Kanye for the past, I and 538, and there's a bunch of diehard stans who love him. I've been doing it with Kanye for the past, I don't know, decade.

I love Nate Silver. Yeah? Yeah. Because of that picture. Because of that picture. Yeah. And because I respect he's never wrong. He can't be wrong because he predicts both sides will win.

One side has a greater chance, but he also has predictions for both sides so so i don't hate nate silver i hate the nate silver fans which i just can't believe they even exist he does such a uh well i was gonna say black and white but i guess he muddies it up so it becomes gray but he just picks he just makes financial uh he just makes, like, number-crunching model predictions, and they go wrong, and people are like, you just don't understand. It's like, no. There's no interpretation here. Oh, yeah, there is, baby.

No, there's not. No, there's not. Fuck you, Nate Silver. There is plenty of it. It's like when fucking – you just take credit for the things that we did well. And the other things, they're out of your control. I know, I know. It's like fucking, I'm trying to think if I was in a merch meeting, right?

I was in a merch meeting at some point and I was like, look how good merch is doing this year. You're fucking welcome, buddy. And then the year merch is down, I'd be like, well, I mean, they didn't play sports this year. How can I take that into account? That's not on me. That's not on me. That's an outside factor.

Who could have predicted? But you know what? It's like being a fucking quarterback. You want all the glory, you get all the blame. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, fuck that. If you want to be the guy who my models predict the election. And by the way, which I will talk about in a minute.

And by the way, has he will talk about in a minute. And by the way, if like, has he ever really gotten all the glory? Because like the last election was the first time I really heard about him in elections. And he got a fucking he again, he got it right. But no, he got it wrong. But in his mind, he was like, well, you know, it was going to be. Yeah, I told you there was a chance. How crazy is that? Like, so I believe the last time he said, it's gonna be hillary 51 to 49 basically it

was basically like the sum the summary and so he was like i got it wrong but i told you that you know it was a coin flip but it's like imagine if you were like well it was heads but it was really close to being tails i mean just a a centimeter more that's tails like well yeah but it's different and wrong and in this case he's ultimately going to get it right with biden but for all the wrong reasons and for all the wrong states and it's like that's okay you know i think what we're learning what i find to be interesting about this whole process is that we have to overhaul polling and predicting and data analysis because it's like the old rules don't apply because we are

now talking about fanatics who just fucking i don't know maybe if maybe if donald trump leaves uh it'll it'll go back to normal but i don't think it will because i think everything has been hyper uh hyperized you know what i mean it's just like everything is going to be so much more passionate and people take it so much more personal that i don't think you can apply like well the numbers are saying this. It's like, well, it's not taking into account that on election day, there's going to be droves of Facebook people who feel like they're going on a crusade. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it's become that dramatic for people that I think you have to overhaul the entire way you campaign and the entire way you analyze all the information.

So why not just be like, yeah, man, like what we're learning is our models don't cut it anymore. And we got to like, because it's not like every other model is right or whatever. It's like nobody can predict this shit. The whole point is that nobody fucking knows. I don't think people can understand people. Like, I just think like we think these things, people like this think like this. And therefore they're going to vote like this. And you just can't predict it predict you can't do that anymore i was watching last night and i was

just watching like all that i obviously voted for joe biden i think my thoughts and beliefs are probably pretty clear if you're listening to this show yeah and i was watching it and i was like seeing like all these little like podunk towns that like clearly aren't doing well and like walmart's their biggest employer and And they're like 100% red. And I was like, I'm trying to help. I'm in a $200 t-shirt right now watching this thing. I'm good. Okay?

Like I'm trying to help you, man. Why are you doing that? I know. I know. But that's what. My taxes might go up. I'm trying to help you out here. I know.

What the fuck? That's what's crazy too. I was listening. I saw some of the tweets from like the hot 97 uh morning show talking about like how there were black people voting for trump and they're kind of like well what the fuck man you know how about jamelle hill is coming in hot you saw her tweet no she was like uh let me get the exact wording because i don't want to mess it up but like she was just like this is white people's fault it's like whoa um, I'm not going to give white people the brunt of the blame. I'm going to give it to fucking evangelical.

She said, Trump wins reelection. It's on white people. No one else. It's like, okie dokie, Jamel. I mean,

she's right. Well, but is she, you know, I don't, overwhelmingly white people voted for it. Yeah. But I,

not overwhelmingly. It's like, it was like, I forgot. I was looking at the new york times breakdown today it was like i think edu college educated white people were i think it wasn't 50 50 but it was a little more in the middle i think that's always going to be the case just because they're the majority and then we're talking about politics so the people who do vote it's almost

like yeah you can almost probably always say that statement but when you see crazy shit like the fucking rogue colombians and venezuelans down in miami and and there was i think like 12 percent of black people voted for it well i i get the latino people because it's like if everyone if everything's told to you like that's they're bringing socialism and you're like i just got the fuck out of a socialist country like i don't i think the socialism is over that's intended to about like biden and the democrats just like probably not acknowledging that. Just being like their minority. So we probably got them locked up.

And I heard that there was like like Spanish speaking, like radio ads for like months and months and months and months and months in those areas promoting Trump. And that like the the left just didn't do any of that. And maybe that'll be a big. And maybe it was because they're like, we're probably not going to win Florida anyway, but it was closer than you ever really thought it could have been. So maybe... Was Florida close?

I thought it was closer than... There was a time where it was razor thin, and then I think he opened up a sizable lead. But it wasn't... It was not an automatic foregone... Same thing with Texas. You know what I mean? It was like it could... all these things that could have been

that I wouldn't say it's on white people I would say it's on fucking like the Democratic Party just not acknowledging

how the fuck they need to do this I go back and forth with that yes they fucked up sometimes but like I feel like people in the Democratic Party are just like

so fucking like eeyores yeah like people are like yours. Yeah. Like people go, oh, we didn't win as much as we wanted to. Like Trump won fucking lost the popular vote and won the Electoral College four years ago and was like, this is a loud rejection of progressives. It's like, OK, Joe Biden has the fucking most votes of any president ever. Right. He's going to win the popular vote by a fucking lot.

The electoral college will come to see. He's going to win the popular vote by a lot. He has the most votes ever. They got three seats in the Senate. Like, be fucking happy. Right? Like, oh, Democrats fucked this up. They got a vote.

Like, you fucking won. I think, yeah. I mean, in the end, like, it probably. They didn't flip the Senate they wanted to, but you got three out of four. Right. And as time goes on, it doesn't really matter. It's like you should have swept the series and you won in seven. Right.

And as time goes on, all that matters is you got the ring. But I think it's showing the fact that this was even close, like the way they were just going to be like, they did it the first time where they were just like, he can't win. They did that again, basically. They basically, again, were just he's he's done so poorly there's no way that that like we even have to worry and then like in the middle of the night they were all fucking worried yeah but they don't fucking do anything differently it was in the middle of the night before they counted votes

yeah but but i mean in yes in some regards but in when it was like he's gonna flip this state and that state and that state, and, like, none of that happened. Like, it just, it looked like, you know, it kind of just went the way it goes, right? No, I mean, it flipped Arizona, flipped Nevada, I think, flipped Michigan, flipped Wisconsin. Yeah, Wisconsin. But those have been, those like those are blue before them right and they flip back right so that's a big win i don't think it is though i i think people say it

isn't like i like and i'm not even saying republic i think it's particularly democrats like oh it wasn't i wanted to win 100 to nothing and like yeah i mean you fucking made a significant amount of changes i guess so i mean it's like was, they kind of like returned from the anomaly a little bit, but I just, I still think that like this, I don't want to call it luck, but like they, they didn't do a single thing differently.

And like, I think they had a scare for a while because of that. Like, I don't know how, I actually, I don't know how scared they were. I think it was like social media and CNN. I know when Biden came out, he was confident as fucking hell.

He's like, we're winning Michigan. We're winning Wisconsin. We're winning Pennsylvania. I don't know if that one's right. I think Trump has declared victory there. But like he was like, we're like because they knew going into it like they knew they almost like they knew how many millions of votes weren't counted. Still going to be counted. Yeah, because.

Yeah. Like those. I think in that case, too, then, like, I guess at the end of many millions of votes weren't counted. Still going to be counted. Yeah. Because. Yeah. Like those. Well, then I think in that case, too, then, like, I guess at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. But like their their PR versus Trump's PR has always been a fucking nightmare because of that. Like your shit. Right.

Where it's like, then get fucking cocky. Yeah. Fucking pump your chest a bit. You feel like this guy. You just got the most votes of the president ever. Right. Fucking be like, what up? I'm fucking king now.

Yeah, but that's the problem with Biden. He's never going to do that, dude. But it's not even just him in particular. It's like Democrats as a whole. Everything's like, oh, you won and you still don't act like you won. Fucking you won. Be happy. Celebrate.

Cops are fucking champs. And again, obviously it's not done yet, but like it's everything's pointed towards be fucking happy. But there that is kind of I think what people don't like when you when you when you really generalize both sides. It's like the whiny, annoying liberal. Get fucking cocky. Say fucking go cry conservative. And that's why a wheelchair dude said.

And that's what like Trump has always been like the cocky American. You know what I mean? I was stuck when I saw the guy was in a wheelchair. I was like, whoa, what happened? It's that dude who tweeted, cry more libs. I think he won a congressional seat in Kentucky, something like that. I just did not expect him to be in a wheelchair. I'm going to guess it's a war injury, so I'm not going to go too big on it.

Tread lightly. Tread lightly on that one. I'm not going to fucking Pete Davidson myself here. But I was very taken aback. I was like, whew. Didn't expect him to be in a wheelchair. Can we just talk about this while it's up? What?

Just the electoral college. Like, what does that even mean? We came up with an extremely complicated process. What does that mean? We came up with a extremely complicated process. What does that mean? When he was talking about the Nebraska 2nd Grads District and just tapping one little part while Nebraska's red, this part's blue. I was like,

I was going, oh, the fucking magic wall's breaking. That one makes more sense to me. I think they all should be that way. The fact that it's winner-take-all confuses me. Why should it be that way. Right. The fact that it's all, that it's winner take all confuses me. It's very confusing. Like, why should it be that way? If it's 51 to 40, you saw when some of the things were like 48.9 to 48.7 and we just get everything. Yeah, yeah.

That seems like it shouldn't be. This is, but this has got to be something that like, like a lot of the problems we have in the world, in this country, where it's like 250 years ago, this made sense. Not anymore. So let's maybe make some fucking changes. People get so fucking like hellbent on that fucking constitution, which I think we're becoming the number one anti-constitution podcast. Fuck the constitution. I am so sick of the constitution. This is what our founding fathers did.

Our founding fathers died of gonorrhea I'm not going to take that guy's advice on really much anything you know what when we all our entire fan base almost I think the majority of them always say what that we're smarter than Christopher Columbus right so fucking start acting like it

stop telling me about the paperwork that the dummies from fucking 300 years ago did. They're fucking stupid. They had to empty buckets of shit in the morning. They pooped in a bucket. They pooped in a bucket. And they buried it. First of all, they had to leave their house to poop. They're like, we can't poop in this thing

because it's going to be gross. Let me poop in the house that we dedicated to pooping and then I will get rid of it myself by burying it. And they buried it upriver and then drank the water from downriver. And that guy then goes into work after drinking the poop water to draw up these documents that we still listen to 300 years later. Guys, I got an idea. Here's what I'm thinking.

California, 20 points. 20 points. New York? You win New York, you get a gold star. You win Texas, seven thumbs up. We'll figure it out in the end. And A-plus for Florida, 95 out of 100 for Texas, and, yeah, you get a sticker. Someone had said the other day, like, imagine waking up Thomas Jefferson

and being like, yo, like 40 million people live in California. Are you sure that it's worth 20 points? He's like, what are you talking about? 40 million people live there? 40 million people exist? There's 40 million people in the world? I mean, come on. You could do that with every

single thing. If you did it with the Second Amendment, you're like, wait, the guns just reload themselves now? Oh, maybe everyone shouldn't have one. I thought it was the musket when you had to fucking jerk it off, right? Guns that statistically couldn't hit a

mattress from ten feet away. Yeah. Go ahead, fuck it. They were probably like, yeah, everyone can bear those. Those things suck. Give me a bayonet that does more damage. I don't think they were anticipating almost fully automatic weapons with hollow points and fucking infrared beams.

Those motherfuckers would see a Nerf gun stand and be like, they shouldn't have those. Everyone can't have one of those. Oh, shit. We're going to listen to these fucking guys. Electoral College. I was out to dinner Monday night with some friends who are European. It was a smattering of Europeans I was with. fucking guys electoral college i don't know what is that i was out to dinner monday night with like

some friends who are european it was a smattering of europeans i was with and they were all like i was at a bar with some irishman an aussie and he's not a european and a brit and they were just like mate what the fuck are y'all doing tomorrow and i'm like electoral college like what the fuck does that mean i don't know now in our defense our defense, it's like, well, yeah, listen, man. Our country is not like 65 miles wide, okay? We got – it's a little more complicated for us. But that's why I think we need to get rid of America. That's my take.

Number one anti-coot constitution podcast. I'm telling you right now, I want to secede from the union. I'm going to go to Nick Cage to go steal a constitution just to wipe my ass with it. Just to rip it up. Is there a map on the back? Is there some secret? I don't know. Maybe.

I'm burning it. I'm fucking getting rid of it. I think that we should secede with exactly that right there. Not from Pennsylvania up. Forget about Pennsylvania, those fucking weird pencil-tucky weirdos. Everybody else. And I don't even necessarily care about them, but we can't secede alone in New York. I am sick of hearing about other people.

I don't care about Montana. I don't care about Idaho. I don't care about... I am so't care about Idaho. I don't care about... I am so fucking sick every four years we talk about Ohio. I don't care about Ohio. Ohio's got a town in it named Sandusky. Fuck it. You're out. You don't count. Every fucking

four years and they blow it. It's like whatever we wanted to do, they don't do it. It's like, well, fuck you guys. I'm done with you. We should be five countries. America should be five countries. I could get down with that. I don't know how it works with sharing resources and shit because It's like, well, fuck you guys. I'm done with you. We should be five countries. America should be five countries. I could get down with that. I don't know how it works with like sharing resources and shit because it's like, yeah, I need milk.

And you've got all the fucking cows in the middle of the country. I get it. But also we're going to make you – Well, fucking buy some cows. We have all the money. Yeah, that's what I mean. So you want some money? We'll give you some money.

So I guess that's kind of what having a country is. So I do understand it. But we all need – we need five presidents then. You know? I don't know. I just – I'm fucking – you know, I don't know. We, I just, I'm fucking, you know, I don't, I don't want to,

uh, I don't want to sound like one of the, the fucking like Hollywood liberals. Like I'm moving like, cause I'm like afraid. I'm just like, I'm sick of it. That's why I'm moving.

I don't want to deal with this anymore. It's too complicated. So I'm going to move because of that. I actually know how to break it up. Um, into those, remember those weather game zones we did when we, we had the battle Royale.

Those were pretty good breakdown. Those all made sense. But just places where weather's... A country shouldn't be so big that there's weather in different locations. Different weather. Like, if it's fucking snowing, it shouldn't be 80 degrees somewhere else in the country. Yeah, because think about it. Honestly, think about it.

The only ones that are like that, fucking China, Russia, weird. You know, like, all the countries that are going to have this are all weird. China is, you know, we can't base anything on China. Russia, same fucking way. Australia is a fucking continent, so that doesn't count at all. And that's really it, right? India is jam-packed, but it's not very big. India is pretty big, isn't it?

I think it's just more populated than it is big. It's not small, but I think it's the size of Texas or something like that, right? Isn't it? Or no, I think that's what people think, and then you can put like 10 Texases inside of it. But it is a big country, but it's more like it just has more people than... I guess Brazil is pretty big. Brazil is big, yeah. But I feel like maybe it's also, I bet you they have similar weather.

I think everything below the equator. The line in the middle. The line in the middle. Everything below the equator, always same weather. Yeah, I think I'm down with that. If it's sunny for me and snowing for you, we are not voting for the same thing. We cannot be judged by the same people. And California, you just gotta cut it

in half because you fuck it up. It's crazy how they came up with states, man. How did they do that? Why is there 1, 2, 3, 4 fucking crazy big important ones and then like 70 shitty ones in the middle?

You know? Like, why isn't that whole strip down the middle, like, from Texas up, that should just be one giant other California. Yeah, it looks like... Because if you added that up, maybe they would have some clout. The urban designer of America

was like the same urban designer as Boston, where it's like, you look at something like New York, and you're like, this didn't appeal to you at all? The grid system and everything making a lot of sense? Up, down, left, right, knee,

we're just gonna do a circle. left, right, knee, knee. He's like, no, no, no, no. We're going to do a jacked up circle. I just fell asleep and just drew with a pen. This is how the streets are going to go around here. That's America. That's Boston. And they're all one way going the way you don't need to go.

Like, when you look at Oklahoma, like, why does it have that little, you called it a butcher's knife? Yeah, that's the only reason I know what Oklahoma is. Like, why does it have the handle? Okay, we're going to draw, it's almost like a square, but then we're going to have this little sliver that extends fucking wide. It's all stupid. Why? I would imagine Idaho, that looks like a river or something, right?

It's like all wiggly and jagged. So some things are natural, like borders, right? But other, these man-made lines. Why? Why do states exist the way they do why are you the way you are america hang on i'm still trying to find idaho coming up empty nope got it there you go there it is you know i was looking over by ohio well it is funny to think again you look at the the uh the founding fathers and basically from like you know just that eastern seaboard they

thought you know that was gonna be it probably for a long time. And then they're like, all right, let's send Lou and Clark out and see what they find. And next thing you know, it's fucking 3000 miles long. Jesus Christ. What a stupid idea that was. You think that they ever in the American history were ever like, we bit off more than we could chew with this whole manifest. That's anything.

Well, it's probably like fucking when people go viral on Twitter. And they're like, this is awesome. I love this. And then you realize, oh, boy, I got a lot of stuff. And now everyone's mad at me. Fuck this. I hate this. I wonder, too, if there was this whole shining sea thing.

And they were like, boy, that other sea is really far away. That one. Because I do understand it's like, well, if we don't take control of this, I don't know, the fucking French are going to come in. And then we have enemies right here. So I get it. We've got to lock down the whole thing. But, man, this is one giant parking lot we've got to cover up.

This is a long fucking way to go. And now it just causes nothing but goddamn headaches. I'm telling you, it's the seeds from the Union. I'm not even kidding you, man man give it a couple hundred years i bet you america is not the same america you think so i really kind of think that i don't know how because again i don't know how you like share all the resources or whatever but i do think it's just kind of becoming abundantly clear that like they are like they have a different set of everything, priorities, values, economies, all that. It's like why would we be the same?

And it's like Republicans and Democrats are like whiny children in the sense that they're like, give us what we want. Give us what we want. Give us what we want. And eventually as a parent, you're like, here you go. Do it. Go ahead. Touch the oven. Burn your hands.

And then you got to learn a lesson. Right. You want to govern the way you want to govern? Here, go ahead. It always seems a little suspect. Like, Texas has been talking about seceding for a long time. Just fucking do it. Shit or get off the pot, Texas.

You're a bunch of fat pussies. Fucking fat, floppy, lippy pussies. We're going to succeed. Texas. Don't mess with Texas. Everything's bigger in Texas. Get the fuck out of here if you want to get out of here. I really so badly wanted it to go blue. Texas, touch the oven.

Yeah, go ahead. Fucking touch it with your Alamo. I really wanted it to go blue. Not because I wanted Biden to win. Just because I wanted people to go. I keep thinking about that caravan of trucks driving the bus off the fucking road and if those guys had to be like my fellow texans voted for biden it is also why that would have been awesome how i mean it gets

just because i don't understand people or anything like that but like when you every time it doesn't matter what state it could be a very red state. Every time cities are blue. Every time. And that's why the weird states are the ones that have cities, but then also have some backwoods type shit. Like New York is like, you can get pretty rural with it, but not really. You know, you go to a place like Georgia where it's like, you're going to have Atlanta, but then you're going to have like, I can't even name them. But like, you know, some moonshine backwoods. We don't even have streetlights.

We don't make contact with other people type of shit. And it's like, that's all in the same state. And that's just one state. You do that 50 times. Fucking crazy. Yeah, the Ohio's. It's like, yeah, Cleveland will be somewhat normal. Philadelphia will be somewhat normal.

But then, you know, in the middle of these places, it's fucking weird. Some deliverance type shit. You're fucking animals. I've driven a lot of those states for the Blackout Tour. We should sit down, political pundit, Dennis Rodman, we know he's an ambassador and whatnot, and we should be like, where are their animal fucking?

Tell me which states. And then, those guys are out. You know how many electoral votes you get if there's animal fucking on record? Zero. Nothing. I got bad news for you. You think they're fucking in New York?

I think every state has an animal fucking going on. I was going to say, he's going to be like, I'll show you where they're not. That'll be a lot quicker. Yeah. How many states do you think people fuck animals in? All of them. I don't think so. 100%.

I don't think so. Bro, I saw the video. I did that research on Mr. Hands, though. That seemed like a special spot. I think it think so. Bro, I saw the video. I did that research on Mr. Hands, though. That seemed like a special spot. I think it's special. I mean, it might not be shows, but people are fucking animals in every state. They might be doing it in privacy. Let me amend it.

It's got to be known. Like, if you have a state, like that guy. You gotta sell tickets to it. That Mr. Hands thing was like. I don't know what Mr. Hands is. It's a guy fucking a horse. He died from fucking. Oh, right, right, right.

He was fucked by a horse. But it was like, it was known to go to this town in i want to say it's like i think it's like the pacific northwest maybe i think it was like up a little bit um and it was like if you want to get your fuck on with animals come here if there's enough there's like an underground rumbling even of like that's what we do not just a dude who owns a sheep and rapes it right because that is probably happening you know everywhere i would imagine almost. Every state's got a sheep raper for sure. A raper. I like that.

He's a sheep raper. A raper. How can a sheep consent? No, I'm just laughing because it's raper over rapist, but you're a raper. I didn't get it. Yeah, sheeps are not consenting. That's not how it works. I didn't get it. Yeah, sheeps are not... I'm explaining perfectly.

Sheep are not consenting. That's not how it works. No, you're using the wrong word, you fucking R-word. So what we've concluded here, Democrats, whiny, fucking, annoying crybabies. Two, if you fuck animals in your state, you don't count. Three, if you want to secede,

fucking secede. If liberals and democrats get a whiny crybaby label, which well-earned, I feel like going to courts and stuff, you're being a whiny crybaby. Yeah, you're being a

differentiator. You're being a whiny crybaby yeah you're being a um what's the differentiator it's like you're being a litigious crybaby liberals are um like like the democrat uh the conservatives are like stomp my feet like take my ball and go home like i'm i'm telling on you okay kind of like snitching almost and And the liberals are like. Conservatives. What? Conservatives. No, the conservatives are like the snitching. Okay.

They're that kind of crybaby. And the liberals are like too afraid to even fucking play or something like that. You know what I mean? They're just like. They're trying to think of it in like the playground or like in school. Like which kid would the liberal and the conservative be? They're all the fucking worst, man. They really are all the goddamn worst.

So un-fucking-titled, you know? I mean, that's ultimately what it comes down to, I think, is there's so many goddamn people in this country. In all the cities, everyone's going to think a certain way, and then everybody else hates all the people from the cities because they just think of them as entitled assholes. My life is pretty fucking awesome. It stinks. You should hate me.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but what I can't understand is how do they not acknowledge that? I get up whenever the fuck I want. I don't get up to milk the cows. I get up whenever I decide to get up. It's like we get up with the sun. Yeah.

You should fucking hate me. I go to bars and movie theaters. But how do they not acknowledge that? How can they not like, how can they not figure out, unless it's like we know it, we just are not going to cater to it at all. But it's like, I don't know, it's going to be a problem for you a lot then. It's like they're just not acknowledging that there's a huge amount of people in this country who are just like, we fucking hate the way you guys operate.

And they're just not even trying to figure it out or like convert them or whatever. Well, I mean, I don't think anyone does. Yeah. I mean, well, I don't know. Yeah. I guess it's like both sides just play to their strengths. Yeah. I mean, like what?

What is Donald Trump done last four years to be like, well, I'm going to win some liberals. But I think you can always like like there will be people who like will vote with their wallets. You know what i mean like so there are some there are ways for like the conservatives to kind of grab some of of the like the liberal vote with things like money i don't what i don't think that i think that's a one-way street i don't think there's any like converting the other way no i don't think people like hey we should be nice to black people that's not gonna win any votes yeah Yeah, yeah. Right, I mean, some things I feel like you have to stand your ground on,

but it's like, God, do you just have to consistently be the preachy fucking assholes that they say you are and you just keep proving them right? I haven't seen much preaching from Mike Biden. No, but it's not really about the candidate. I feel like it's about the party and the people and the celebrities that back it and the people that represent it are like, yeah, they hate you and probably for good fucking reasons.

Yeah, it's a good reason. Again, I have an awesome life. Yeah. I hate it. I wish I didn't have it, but I do. It almost, it makes, it feels funny to me that they can't. They had Obama kind of drop out of the fucking clouds, really. They got lucky with Obama.

Yes. You run it back after Clinton, it's like John Kerry and fucking Joe Biden and Hillary. I mean, these are the least inspiring people in the world right but they're also winning popular like they win the popular vote yeah but i think was it like seven of the last eight or eight of the last nine i don't think people are voting for joe biden people are voting against donald trump nobody's inspired by donald by joe biden i honestly don't know i i was that i was definitely one who was voting against donald trump yeah i don't i don't think there's anybody who thinks that like this,

like they'll defend him and be like, he doesn't have dementia and all that shit. But like, I don't think, I think everyone's like, he's an 80 year old, like blah, old man.

Yeah. I thought his speech last night was good, but I haven't watched many of his speeches. Cause I didn't like, I didn't need to, I knew who I was voting for. Yeah. I was voting against somebody.

Right. And that's why, that's why he didn't do much remember he just hid because he was just like let donald trump just shoot himself in the foot but god that's gonna be your fucking you can't put somebody out there that you're like let's go for like i think that's why obama won people say like they're not democrats they're obamacrats where it's like i wanted that guy to win because he was black, because he was cool, because he was young, whatever. The candidates they put out other than that are just like, I guess so. Yeah. Because I just don't want the other guy.

But how is that possible? How do they not have, in the last 15 fucking years, they don't have like one guy or woman that's like, wow, this guy's like, this is like a shooting star. This is like a fucking rock star. I thought Buttigieg was good. I think he'll be back. Yeah, I mean, yeah, those are the next guys. Well, it's hard to go from

mayor to president. But like, he's, I think he's been on Fox a lot, and he's kind of like, he's got Liz Smith as like his campaign manager, who's like a... Get it. Yeah, she's smart. She's like, she's a go everywhere person yeah right i'll just talk to anybody so like he's on fox a lot like all these

points and shouldn't really matter at the end of the day if you were like you know politicians used to be able to be like boring and shit but they were just like competent and all that and but with this new like wave it's like donald trump did it because they were like laughing at his speeches and liked his fucking tweets and dumb shit like that. It's like, play the game a little bit more now because the old way is, unless this is truly just a blip on the radar and we're just going to go right back to just crusty political ways. But I feel like the new way is more like you got to be something. You have to have a presence about you. None of those guys have any presence.

I hope we go back to the fucking old way. Yeah, I guess. I'm very ready for it to be boring. Yeah, we don't talk about politics because there's nothing worth talking about. I don't know. You think it'll go back? I probably not. I think that's more like

Donald did a huge part of it. Four years ago, it was very easy to never talk about politics. But I also think that's Donald changed things, but I think also the internet changed things Donald did a huge part of it. Four years ago, it was very easy to never talk about politics. Yeah. But I also think that's – Which isn't always the best. Donald changed things, but I think also like the internet changed things where it was like because that's – the only way you could like talk – access politics is if you like sought it out. And now it's going to be in your face all the time.

Well, I mean Twitter was around for Obama. Yeah, but that's what I mean. Like since like that's know i think kind of when it started like when obama was in like office like my twitter timeline was never like heavy politics now it is yeah but i think that was also probably more personal like us i mean of course it's for sure like donald like sent it to the next like stratosphere but i think that's when it all kind of started was with all that. Like even like with Donald,

like fighting Obama, you know what I mean? Like that's where his like, uh, like origins were as being like anti Obama, you know what I mean? And that all started to play out like where you can, you don't have to just be putting on like CNN or have to be reading these

publications. And I just don't think that's going to stop anymore. I would like it to me too but those people are so into it now like i said it's like they're like fans of sports teams i don't think they're gonna like stop i think they'll just keep oh they're gonna complain about joe biden for the next four years now and then if they win it back then we're back on top and we talk shit it's just because what would you do what are those people gonna do where they go back to fucking milking cows.

They're like, this is cool. We're tweeting. We're fucking on Facebook. This is fun. I don't want to go milk the cows. I want to keep doing this. I want to talk to my Twitter friends. The world is changing, and you've got to adapt with the times, or you lose. And that's why Blue Nile is making it. They're adapting with the times and making it easy, safe, affordable to get diamonds and jewelry delivered right to your door.

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free, and arrives in discreet packaging that won't give away what's inside. Shop stress-free for your forever peace. Go to Blue Nile dot com and use code KFC for 50 bucks off your 500 purchase or more uh today we got mario lopez on the show uh ac slater who is a fucking legend of the game real cool guy got interview with him new episode of ati is dropping tonight featuring lewis j gomez i'm hoping that

does not get lost in the mix because everything is all election talk, but a very funny episode where Lewis is, uh, he's no longer the president. It's Ari Shafir, but he's like the founder. If you're the founding father of, uh, of the Legion of skanks where they say and do whatever the fuck they want.

So we held back nada on the questions. I mean, at one point I was just remembering our most offensive cards even if i didn't have them on hand because i was like lewis is going to answer anything and everything so you definitely want to go watch that uh we also have a new episode one thing i learned yeah what's the what do we got tonight uh when i got arrested this episode that mac twos and bill ricka which my two is no longer around so r.i.p mac twos a feidelberg arrest story is always always

always a fun always gonna put asses in the seats um i i have noticed uh as the the world has changed and i and i'm looking at trends and looking at the the way that we all interact and behave i have noticed that we are in the by the way era yeah i saw you say by the way oh my god john just start listening for it now and you will hear it i mean i guess it depends on who you listen to also but you will hear the phrase by the way you were saying you even say it all the time i've never noticed it all the time you might have just shattered the glass for me but it never hit me now you i mean we both don't really listen to podcasts so maybe not if you're not maybe it's it's more i think it's a great like segue that people use or uh rather than saying like also

or let me let me also say it's just that by the way burke reicher is the king of it burke reicher a hundred percent says by the way those are his two crutch catchphrases that he says a thousand times an episode. Portnoy is a huge one. I told Michelangelo about this when they started his podcast. I said, do a Portnoy, by the way,

meter, like start counting it. And he said, he's like in the process of compiling them all. Dave says it nonstop. And once you, if you do hear it, you'll be able to like I can picture him going like, and by the way, and by the way, he says it the same way every time. It's usually when he's saying like he's he's cop about uh and then i was listening i was watching uh rogan's live stream for the election last night he had on kyle kulinski he just said it like 60 000 times and uh it's it's a it's a moment for by the way it's it's it's having a big moment it's it's i wonder if i can like uh search it right you can like find like uh on google they have trends or

whatever usually that's for like people or places or celebrities or whatever but i wonder if there's a way to find it's also different if you're like writing it down and saying it by the way is i think i'm going to lean into it even more now it's not something i like don't want to do and and i i know it from uh burt dave that guy last night myself but then i tweeted about it and they were like replies coming in being like colin cowart says this 300 times an episode uh someone's like doug gottlieb is the king of this everybody who watches their own thing like i don't watch those guys so i wouldn't know but it sounds like anybody who has a regular person they listen to by the way by the way it's a it's it's it's the perfect segue it's like if you don't know how to

transition topics or or bring up uh uh a different piece of information about this i feel like by the way i never went away i mean i i never yeah i'm not saying it's like a like a piece of slang that you haven't heard in a long time it's it's if you do say it, you say it in an obnoxious amount. By the way, all right. I mean, if you say it in an obnoxious amount, we might run into problems if I start recognizing it because you're the one who brought it up. But I will keep an eye on it.

And by the way, I mean, I'll... I'm not even going to try to curtail it. Usually when I recognize myself using a crutch, I'll try to catch it and stop it. I'm not going to stop this one. I'm going to let it run its course, let it run natural, and we'll see just how many times I by the way you. I'm going to by the way that ass.

I'm going to by the way all over your fucking ass. We also have Am I the Asshole Today voicemails. I have a by the way. Hit me. Maybe that's what we should doicemails. I have a by the way. Hit me. Maybe that's what we should do. Maybe we should have a by the way segment. My by the way is the big thing from last night was everyone at this stupid goddamn company, Barstool Sports, quote tweeting in a legal sports book and saying,

in a legal sports book, by the way. I'm surprised that... It drove me nuts. But, did you hear it? You just said it? What? You just said it. You just said it.

In a legal sports book, which I do not condemn. I can't... I mean, I do condemn. I do not commend. Condone. Condone. Boy.

Or commend, but yeah. Yeah, commend works. All of these things work. I was falling, and I grabbed the last one on the ladder. It was commend. I would have liked to get one higher and get to condone, but I just got one that got me where I needed to be.

Yep. That was a big point. It was like I was saying C, and I was like, I don't know what letters are coming next. You could have said like contention. Yeah. You could have said commendation, constitution. There's a million words.

Cunt was there. It's not there's a million words cunt was there it's not a sports book that i cunt but everyone's quote tweeting it and being like this is it like first of all the the the b word uh book that they were quote tweeting again illegal and they're it's i'm surprised Dave started this. When we have company-wide, like, do not talk about, because now we're in bed with Penn. He was just, right? It's just a promotional tool. You can only bet $100

on it. They just want people to quote tweet it. Like when someone offers a fucking million dollars to an actor for a sex tape or whatever. They just want us to write the blog that fucking reality kings offered so-and-so this for this. This was, like, years many elections ago this always was a thing patty's power remember that there's that irish one they always did this with like with the candidates and it was always it was always kind of a fun thing that's what sucks about everything in politics being so shitty and serious

now is it used to have this like fun kind of like circusy element and now it's like well boy you know there's a lot of bad things that can come of this but there was this like silly element to it and that part still is silly but because everyone they're now applying that like we're taking the election seriously but you're still doing all the dumb promotional but you're nonsense like i mean it's how dave got himself um not in trouble just. Very wrong with his prediction. I'm going to bed. Trump won because it's minus 700 or whatever. David Mousetrap himself.

Everyone's like, Vegas knows. For starters, it's not in Vegas. It's in a legal sports book in the Caribbean. Vegas doesn't know. Second of all, Vegas doesn't know. Stop saying it. It's my least favorite phrase in the gambling world, which I'm part of now. I gamble.

I do it quietly because too many fucking people here decide to be a gambler, and they want to be like, I'm a gambler. I'll keep my picks and stuff like that. And it just feels disingenuous and wrong. I'm down 14 units silently, and I'm going to stay that way. But the fucking thing is Vegas doesn't know stop giving

fucking stop giving Vegas so much credit do you know how many times because people go crazy they're the best in the world at their job because what happens is one game comes down to the exact point spread you remember the big one

because that one was crazy. 5% of the time is how often a game pushes. That would mean they're great at their job. 5% of the time, they're great at their job. I would love to know how many times a favorite cover. No, I guess push. Yeah, I mean a push is really the only way to like really quantify it. Five and a half percent of the time it pushes.

60% of games are decided by more than seven points off the spread. 60% more than a touchdown off. 28% of games are decided by more than 14 points off the spread. And you're trying to fucking tell me that Vegas knows.

Vegas fucking knows. They don't know shit. Yeah, I feel like do they even care? Like Vegas is probably laughing all the way to the bank, right? Because they just make their – really, in reality, you got to get somewhat close, but not really, right? Because you could just be like the total for this game is 11 points and the money comes fucking flooding in.

And then, you know, like they always adjust it on the fly. Right. So that they always even it out. No, they know. They're just fucking moving with the money. I mean, they get a million different guesses. The Biden, the Trump odds, like in a matter of hours, swung from heavy favorites, a heavy underdog in a matter of hours, swung from heavy favorite to heavy underdog in a matter of hours.

I'd be nervous. It was the same odds he started the morning with. Isn't that so silly for him? Like the gambler guy, it's like, yeah, the line's moving very quickly because it's like they're fucking making it up. There's volatility and it's just like a shit show. There's not anything. It was when he was like, I'd be nervous about this.

It was literally the same odds he had at 8 o'clock yesterday right right it wasn't like some crazy change but that's why it was it was it's from it's a promotional tool and that's good marketing where it was like yo check the odds check it out it's like they are the fucking same but it's crazy at like 10 p.m he was like minus like 650 or something and then by you know a couple hours later he he's plus 100. It was varying wildly. So clearly there's no rhyme or reason to any of this. None.

They don't know. Stop giving them so much credit. They don't know. Or, you know what? Maybe you can give Vegas credit. You can't give an illegal sportsbook in the Caribbean. An illegal sportsbook in the Caribbean doesn't know. No.

An illegal sportsbook in the Caribbean does not know. No. An illegal sportsbook in the Caribbean does not know. Don't tell, maybe Vegas, not an illegal sportsbook in the Caribbean. Did I tell you about a different story that has caught my eye today? Mm-mm. And I'm really looking into getting a couple litigators on my side.

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that you wear like every day, that's a life changer. That is a legitimate life changer. People keep talking about how does this affect me day to day? How does the election affect me day to day? Which, by the way, is going to be a problem for me. I'm not a Donald Trump fan, but Joe Biden's going to start a lockdown, isn't he? And my kids aren't going to have to go back to fucking school.

And that's going to be a fucking problem. Joe Biden's going to tax the dick right off of me and he's never going to let my kids go back to school. I'm fucking pro-Trump. Fucking free count them. Voter fraud. Don't tax me and send my kids to fucking school. Fuck coronavirus and fuck

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Let me read you the headline that changed my life. This is... You said this is something in-house or not? Did I make this up? No, not in-house. Israel. To pay $2.7 million. The whole country.

They're going to pay it to a man. Oh. To a man. I'm listening. Who says he should not have been born. It's called wrongful birth suit. And mom and dad, you better fucking lawyer up, bitches. Because I'm coming for every goddamn cent.

Every fucking penny I'm coming. Now, that makes sense, though. You're going to sue your parents. Why is the country paying? I don't know. Did they not let her abort him? Honestly, I think it's something like that. Yeah, probably, right?

I think the actual answer is darker, but we're going to ignore that. We're just going to have fun with it. Yeah. I think he has a lot of deformities that should have been caught, prenatal syndrome, and that kind of stuff. Yeah, that's pretty bleak when you're like, mom and dad should have canceled this whole thing. Mom and dad were getting a lemon, and they knew it coming off the lot,

and they still just drove it home anyway. This guy walks by, like, anti-abortion protests. They're like, what if you were born? He's like, I wish. I fucking wish. Dude. I fucking wish. Do you know?

Zach's face is horrified right now. It's 4.49. Yeah, we are well past the 4 o'clock. We are well past. You know how dark that really gets, though? Tell that to my mother. No, that's the thing. They probably did.

For the state to pay that, that means they probably went to the mom. And she was like, I didn't want to either. You wouldn't let me. I tried to flush this fucker down the toilet, and you wouldn't let me. Do you see what little Ezekiel looks like? Of course I would have aborted him. You think I wanted this thing? You think I wanted this? Of course I would have aborted it. You think I wanted this thing? You think I wanted this?

Of course not. This has been a lifelong burden for all of us. All because you guys wouldn't let me. Shit. And I've also, in a different sense, I've also been a lifelong burden. Let me tell you. If, now, let me, okay. If we did this lawsuit, and it turned out that your whole life basically

was only worth 2.7 million dollars that's not a lot john that's not a lot at all in this day and age 2020 2.7 million bucks that's gonna last you you know taxes and all that shit you you that that's a that guy is really shitty yeah yeah he's in a tough spot right yeah i mean kevin he's suing for wrongful birth yeah he's not doing great in life but wait is he is he actually not that bad he's not a fucking fucking titan of industry he's not rockefeller over here but if he was if he was more money if he was more fucked up wouldn't they pay him more maybe 2.7 maybe there are worse cases out there

because it's like hey bro it's not that bad I'll give you 2 million don't get me wrong you're a piece of shit you suck but you know you got all your limbs you got all your fucking I can see you you're a Walmart greeter for the rest of your life so here I'll give you what maybe

amounts to a 50-year salary up front. And then you can go home and you can do whatever you feel like doing and fucking chow with a toaster. But I think that this is only a lawsuit that's legal in Israel. I think we need to move it here.

We need to get it going here because it's just consent is a big thing, right? Post-MeToo era. It probably should have been before the MeToo era, but post-MeToo era, we're big on consent. No one consulted with me about being alive. No one was like, hey, here's the deal. We're going to have you. You're going to play some fucking sports as a kid. You're going to go to a couple colleges. no one was like hey here's the deal we're gonna have you for the next hundred you're gonna play some fucking sports as a kid you guys we're gonna go to a couple colleges and then in order to afford

food you're gonna talk you to a microphone i'd be like fucking pass dad i am out let me let me know when you come up with a better plan than that let me swim to the back of the line and you can give it a whack but not with me not right now but i was not an enticing deal i was offered that as a sperm i'd cut my tail off i'm not winning the race to this uterus can you imagine dude you would be in sperm form i'd have been like one of those guys before vietnam who like shot himself in a foot so he didn't have to go dodging the draft? Yeah, I'd be in boot camp just fucking getting my ankle broken. You'd be Todd Gurley trying to not score on purpose. You'd be Ahmad Bradshaw

in the Super Bowl just sitting down. You're at the finish line. Go in the egg. You know what? I've seen how that works out. I'm just going to park it right here. I'm all set. I don't want to impregnate that bitch. I'm not trying to live that life. Let Ricky win it.

Ricky's got goals. Imagine as a fucking little tadpole, you're like, I'll just keep swimming in this ball sack. Just leave me in this sack of balls that he sits on pretty consistently. That's fucking great, man. Wrongful birth, that's a game changer. That's a world changer. Everyone should be able to sue for it. Let's get great, man. Wrongful birth, that's a game changer. That's a world changer.

Everyone should be able to sue for it. Let's get a class action. All KFC radio listeners, in honor of Sad Boy season, we'll all sue our fucking parents for having us. That's great. Yeah, dude, just because you guys went to a fucking Bruins vs. Canadians game where Ray Borg fucking took a jersey off his back and put it to the rafters so Espo could retire number seven,

I have to live? Fuck you! That butterfly effect, man. It's like, well, Ray Borg had a special night, so I left it in. I just blew a load, and then out comes Johnny. Dude, I would be like, again, if my dad could have had to talk with me and be like, thinking about a kid. You're 24 and live in a shitty apartment.

Do not have me. Yeah. Do not have me. You don't have people to watch me? You can't afford a babysitter. You're going to come home from work one day. I'm going to be covered in chocolate, hyped up on sugar, going, you're the boss. You're the boss.

You're the boss. You don't want that, and I don't want that. Get the fuck out of here, bro. Imagine if your sperm could talk back to you, and you were thinking about a kid. And I was like, bro, go flush me down the toilet. Don't fucking do it. Throw me on your fucking belly. Why?

P style. Don't do it. Put me on your knuckles. You do not want to do this, man. Put me in a Kleenex and fucking let me be on my way. God damn. Am I the asshole is brought to you by simply safe my dad wrote it yes am i the asshole brought to you by simply safe because every 26 seconds there's a break-in in

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You get a free camera on top of it, and you get all the safety with no gotchas, no hidden fees, no fine print, nothing. SimpliSafe.com slash KFC Radio. Make sure you put the radio there. SimpliSafe.com slash KFC radio. Start protecting yourself and your loved ones today. Am I the Asshole Today all comes from our Facebook group. We're doing a little Facebook resurgence right now. I don't know if you heard of Zuckerberg and the gang.

They are... I've got a little bit of beef with Zuckerberg and Facebook at the moment. Because they're getting tight with what's allowed to be put. So we went through a list from Gaz of things that got taken down by either Facebook or IG, which is basically Zuckerberg, for being too edgy. So they took down that clip that went viral around Halloween of the kid who was Michael Myers on the playground running around. Yep. That was bullying and harassment. Okay.

Little kid in a Michael Myers costume. There's a meme when Daniel Jones fell over with the American sniper thing. So like we're showing these and it's all like, not my barstool. This is bullshit. I can't believe we got to take them down. And then we got to take them down and then we got one today and uh in my novak djokovic one minute man we put the kennedy assassination in there and i was like point sucker you got that one i have no idea why i okayed that one just

full-blown bam like we rovelled it like head head blown off. And I was like, okay. Yep. Like noted. No presidential assassinations. Yeah. But anyway, we've got, we've been putting. Do you know how many presidential assassinations have been in history? American history? How many?

What? Presidential assassinations. I would say so. Kennedy, Lincoln. I think like something with a T or like I think Polk or I would say four. You nailed it. Yeah. But I thought it was just the two.

How the fuck did the other two get no play? They got no love. No play whatsoever. Wasn't one real quick? I don't remember. Oh, no, that was you. Yeah, yeah. He just died from the flu.

Little pussy. Yeah, those guys, they sucked so bad they got murdered in office and nobody cares. Like, you're not even fucking getting Kurt Cobain here. Yeah, you're getting nothing. You didn't even do, like, two okay things and get love forever. Yeah. You just got... People are not going to be happy with that.

I know. I like to stoke the Nirvana flames about twice a year. That was just... Some men want to watch the world burn. That was just so unnecessary that, you know what? You deserve online harassment. I want everyone. I agree with him, but I want people to bully John online for that.

Yeah, that one. Nirvana fans. I really shoehorned that one in. Make fun of his looks. Make fun of everything. He's fair game. That was so uncalled for. Courtney Love also murdered him.

Yeah. That's a fact. Right. Yeah, those guys what were the other ones I can't even tell you their names let alone tell you where it happened

that I don't know so William McKinley he's the guy from 1902 that got elected and then James Garfield and those guys got shot but he didn't die That got elected. And then James Garfield. And those guys got shot? Well, I don't know what to say.

They got shot in the middle of a speech. But he didn't die. Yeah. Yeah. Right. That doesn't count. You got to kill him. McKinley was, what was it?

Was he? McKinley shot twice in the abdomen at four in the morning. In the belly? Was he asleep? Tough way to go. Yeah, imagine that. I know from Reservoir Dogs that the stomach's a bleeder. That hurts. You're gonna kill me.

I mean, have some couth. Have some respect, assassin. Just put one in my fucking head. Jesus. So anyway, as we talk about fucking people getting shot in the stomach, my point is that we're on Facebook. We've been putting One Minute Man and we've been putting clips on Facebook. And so, you know, we – I'm not even going to pretend or fake it.

We are not Facebook guys. We're not on it. But if you are on it and you do use it – We are on it, by the way. I chop it up with people on Facebook. Yeah, that's what I mean. You will get interaction. And if you are a Facebook fan – Maybe I'll get into it. We are on it, by the way. I chop it up with people on Facebook. Yeah, that's what I mean. You will get interaction, and if you are a Facebook fan, you'll get KFC.

No, you won't. I'm trying to get out of the Twitter bubble. There was a point last night when I was thinking, when it was looking like Trump was going to win, and there was a point last night where I was going to come on this show and just be like, everyone send me the Facebook articles you read because if I have to be at this party, I'm going to be on this show and just be like, everyone send me the Facebook articles you read. Because if I have to be at this party, I'm going to be the drunkest one here.

And I'm going to fucking give you all the misinformation, give you all the fucking statement. It's fun that way. I was fully ready just to come. I was just like, fuck it. If we're doing it, I'm fucking doing it. Yeah, Facebook is, you know, it's got to be entertaining. You're going to read some wild shit, you know? I was going to blanca shit. I was going to blanca myself.

Give me all the fucking news that's going to completely change my mind, and I'll just see what happens here. All these people right here, we haven't printed out. You're all crazy people if you're whacking around on Facebook, but we're getting a lot of submissions for Am I the Asshole? These all come today from the KFC Radio Facebook group.

If you want to mix it up with us and get your KFC Radio clips and information, you can do so on Facebook. Just find us at KFC Radio. So this comes from Amy. She says, am I the asshole? This is girls here. I'm going to show you.

If you're watching, that's the am I the asshole, right? Okay. I'm going to tell it to you you're watching, that's the Am I the Asshole, right? Okay. I'm going to tell it to you. It's about the size of the Constitution. Here it is. Am I the Asshole? I ran into my ex at a bar. His mother was there.

She's ill. I politely went over to talk to her. She ended up inviting me to watch The Bachelorette. Am I the Asshole for not watching The Bachelorette? That's this whole thing. I'm going to read some of it out of respect so you get the details, but goodness gracious, ladies.

She goes on to have this whole part about how the guy she's currently hooking up with showed up at the bar and was like, why are you talking to your ex? That never came back into play. Never came back around at all. Am I the asshole that I want to talk about? I ran into my ex of a few years at a local bar recently.

We live in a small town, so it's kind of inevitable. Usually we run into each other and he doesn't even acknowledge me. His mom had a stroke over a year ago. At first, I made sure to check in on her because we were always close. Anyways, I was waiting to order a drink. Actually, I'm going to read this so you can hear all the unnecessary details so we can make fun of that as well. So anyways, I waited to order a drink. He sat next to me and he started a conversation.

I asked how his mom was. He said that she was actually on the other side of the bar and that would mean a lot to him and his family if I went to say hi. My intoxicated self said, of course, I'll stop by when i get a chance trying to avoid the situation at all costs that motherfucker waited for me to get a drink and then asked if i was go ready ready to go see her i went over to say hi and then somehow proceeded to help my drunk ex-boyfriend take his handicapped mother to the bathroom i felt bad for him and his family i knew it was the kind thing to do and if i'm being honest i needed those heaven points after helping them in the bathroom i will which is like what does that mean thank god she spared the only details

there it's like what are you doing there i wheeled her back to the table and my ex started walking away he left me alone at the table to take care of his mother about 15 minutes later he returned with his eyes bright red i asked if he was okay and told me to walk with him we walked around the parking lot where he cried to me about his mom and his family struggles. After consoling him, we walked back to the bar. To my luck, I noticed walking towards us the guy that I started talking to. We are all friends, but he looked confused

as to why I was walking back from the parking lot with my ex who used to hate me. We returned to his mom and asked if I was ready for the new season of The Bachelorette. I mean, this is just all over the fucking place, Amy. She was the one who got me hooked on the show when I was first dating her son. She said that she can't watch it anymore because no one wants to sit through that with her, and then she asked if I would watch it with her.

My ex also thought it was a good idea. I said I would text him and let him know. His number has been deleted off my phone. I mean, God, girls and the details. It just drives me fucking crazy. I'm going to be honest. I'm in Raptured. What?

I'm in Raptured. I'm in. I love this. His number's been deleted. Am I the asshole for not wanting to watch The Bachelorette with her? Also, two days later, he tried to add me on Snapchat. Am I the asshole if I don't accept it? What do you got?

Maybe once. Watch it with her once? Maybe one time. I am going to staunchly disagree. I mean, you definitely don't have to. You're not the asshole if you don't. You're not the asshole if you don't. You do not have to go over to your ex's house

and watch a three-hour reality show with his crippled mother. You don't have to do it. We are extending the responsibility of exes way too far. You have one responsibility as an ex, and that's like, don't badmouth them, and if you see them, maybe be civil. And that's really about it. You can go above and beyond as much as you want. You can hook up with them again if you wanted to.

You could do all these things. You do not have to do any of this shit. No, no, you definitely don't. I'm a sucker, and I'm a pussy, so I'd probably be there every night. What if she was fully not a cripple? I'd probably start a fucking live stream. What if she was not in a wheelchair? Would that affect you?

Yeah, 100%. Not in a wheelchair, peace out. Right. That's a big deal. The stroke is a twist. And if I just fucking wiped your pussy after a piss, I could probably help it. I mean, let's call a spade a spade. That's what happened in that bathroom.

That's what happened in that bathroom. That's why she had to go in because her son didn't want to wipe his mom's pussy. That is, you've gone so far above and beyond wiping her mom's pussy. You are good, girl. That's just what happened. You want to talk about heaven points? And I hope it was just wiping her pussy i hope it was on the imagine if his advantage of your ex's mom in a wheelchair took a shit at the bar and you helped her out you're going directly to heaven the so like yeah

you've you've definitely done your part but because like i'd probably like fucking like marry the son so she can get on my health care or something like that like i go so far out of the way because i'm a pussy but i i would i would probably i'd check in one and then you're like i don't know but then one maybe like well you gotta come back next week i i think you open up pandora's box man i think what you should do if you really have some sort of guilt about this if you don't really give a fuck, I think you're within your rights to just be like a little bit of a, like, you're not being a dick, not being an asshole, just being a little bit

like blunt about it and say like, sorry. If this is something that's going to eat at you, you should text her like, oh my god, did you see what the bachelorette said? And then she gets, you know, you can watch it over, like, text basically together. It's a pandemic, you don't have to go over it. That's the other thing too, is like, you know, I can't believe this is even on the table.

This is straight up dangerous. She's immunocompromised. So final answer, no, not the asshole at all. Definitely not the asshole. Again, I will probably. Again, hero if you wipe the pussy. Am I the asshole for kicking my ex's new boyfriend out of our shared apartment? I, 24 male, had dated a girl, 23 female, throughout high school and college, about seven years.

She had moved with me out of state for an internship, and we ended up breaking up a week before returning to school. As we both only had a quarter of college left, we had already made arrangements for a one-bedroom apartment together. Even after the breakup, the only real option was to continue with this plan due to money and the limited time to find a different apartment. Boy, that's a mess. My mattress, bed, and other furniture were used in the bedroom, and I slept on the couch from the gecko things were cordial although a little strange at times one night i came home from

the bars late to find her and her new boyfriend sleeping in the bedroom i immediately kicked him out explaining how disrespectful it was to bring him home to our shared apartment and sleep in my bed she later said that all of her friends and family agreed that i had no grounds to kick him out as it was also her apartment and can invite anyone over the kicker for me was that it was my bed and mattress and that i was only leaving in less than a month and it was an avoidable situation am i the asshole for kicking him out that's a good one that's a good one that's a fucking hard one this is a good one. That's a fucking hard one. This is a good one because she, by like the letter of the law is not wrong.

She, she is wrong for fucking on someone else's mattress. That guy could be like, that's my property and you're coming on it. That's fucked up. This is technically her apartment. And so she has a boyfriend and she wants to do activities. She can do it.

So I don't think she's wrong with the letter of the law. I think she's wrong by just like common decency. Yeah. Just go to his apartment, go to his place, go to his apartment, skip the night. Like you're not,

she's the asshole. Definitely. She's the, you know, what's going to happen. You know, like it's like a best case scenario. It's just incredibly uncomfortable. But you know what? going to happen. You know it's like a best case scenario. It's just incredibly uncomfortable for everyone.

But you know what? She might not. If her friends and family are all rallying for her, that might just be that that girl never hears the word no and everybody always thinks she's right and she has family that always – But it's almost like she deviantly wanted that awkward interaction. Yeah, yeah. She was like, I fucked on your bed.

People who get off on getting caught in public. You're getting off on the awkwardness. The fucking current boyfriend or current hookup, whatever he is, is also going to be like, this is so weird. You fucking live with your boyfriend? What the fuck am I doing here? I have a one bedroom apartment. We could have just gone.

They're both the fucking asshole because I don't care what you have to do. You have to figure out a way to not live with, like, it ends. Yeah, whatever. You just can't live with it. Like, that's the thing that pisses me off about Seinfeld. They're always just talking about fucking each other. Like, him and Elaine are always just like, oh, yeah, like, is he sponge-worthy?

Oh, yeah, I got this new girl. That's not how it works. It's the most unrealistic part of that show. That and the fact that there are no black people in New York City. Those two things incredibly just not realistic. Right. And it's just not how it works. You have to find a way.

Sell that mattress. Sell that fucking couch. And then you sleep on the floor in your own apartment. Honestly, the fact that he's sleeping on the couch in the get-go when he owns all of the stuff in the bedroom. He's already trying to go above and beyond. This reeks to me of like he doesn't want to put her out. Too bad. Oh, fuck.

I mean, I'd probably be a sucker. But like as I sit here without this situation. So she's 23. I've been dating for seven years. She moved for her internship. I was going to say like if she moved for you and then there's a breakup and then it's like, oh, fuck, my bad. All right. You can stay with me till it's over.

I mean, everybody's just got to keep it in their pants in the shared bedroom. Go to his place. If you can't go to his place, you don't fuck that night. If you are going to fuck, make sure it's a night that I'm out. And make sure it's not a day when I get back. And for a month. Treat it like you're in fucking high school. Yeah.

Right? Like, since I'm your ex-lover, I am now your dad, and I don't want to hear you fucking other people. Right. That is, I mean, not actually your dad, but you know what I mean. Yeah. I'm putting you up. I have a roof over your head.

Right. Fucking have some respect. Respect. Yeah, yeah. I love that he just kicked him out, though. That's pretty funny. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. And if I was me, if I was that boyfriend, I'd be like, yeah, I was getting out of here kicked him out, though. That's pretty funny. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here.

And if I was me, if I was that boyfriend, I'd be like, yeah, I was getting out of here anyway. Yeah, right. Well, he might not. I wonder if he's even like, maybe this girl might have just been like, I have a roommate or something. You know what I mean? Like, this is crazy. Also, in general, when you're 23 and you've had a boyfriend or girlfriend for seven years, that's weird. That's like your whole life, basically.

That's like your entire cognizant life as a teenager and a person with feelings and emotions and thoughts. When this goes in separate ways, these people should never talk to each other again. Go live your life. You got a lot of shit to work out now without this person. Go live. Last one here. Am I the asshole for not wanting to watch each vote trickle in on election day feels like a pointless exercise in dying by a thousand paper

cuts when you can just find out whenever this thing ends i was called a privileged asshole which to be fair isn't too far off base but nonetheless for not wanting to watch a guy poke a screen with endless hypothetical situations for what it's worth i did vote i don't think you're the asshole. I mean, it makes perfect sense. Yeah, it makes perfect sense. I think it's weird to not have the curiosity. Yeah.

That's like, why watch the game? I'll just tune in and see who won. It's like, well, I don't know. You want to see what happens. I would do it like, I might be this way if I didn't have a following. If I couldn't like, well, I don't say I really mix it up. Would you be on social media if you didn't have a following. If I couldn't like – I don't say I really mix it up. Would you be on social media if you didn't have a following?

I like to think no. Yeah, I like to think no too. But then I also do believe that nowadays you're the weirdo if it's like – I don't know, social media. You're either bragging about it or it's like, what are you fucking hiding? So I would have it, but I wouldn't – like these people who just tweet into the abyss and get no interaction. Like, what are you doing?

When I started here, I had a Facebook that I did not use too often. Then I created a Twitter and an Instagram because of Barnstead. For this, yeah. So I think if things had gone a different way, I probably wouldn't have made those. I had a Facebook, but I remember I did use the status bar or whatever it was called as a tweet. Like, I would put some jokes in there. I did in college, but by the time I was – I did, like, my freshman and sophomore year of college. status bar or whatever it's called as like a tweet like i would put some jokes in there i would like i i did in college but by the time i was i did like my freshman and sophomore year college yeah

by the time i was at barstool i don't believe i was really using it i probably would have but i don't think i would be like all right now let me do tiktok let me do this let me do that one um but like i the the best part of the election to me has been John King's performance. And I love the, what does he call it here? The guy poking a screen. I love the screen. The magic board? Wall. Magic wall?

Amazing. The endless hypothetical situations? I love that. When he's just like, well, if this falls and this falls, then he could win. Let's play those all out. They're all fucking far-fetched. None of it's going to happen. Like we said earlier, it pretty much just went back to whatever's red is red and whatever's blue is blue.

And that's just what happens. But he spiced it up. John King, he made this thing go. He's the one, like, really what would have happened if everyone just said, like, let's just wait. Let's just wait. Let's just wait. Like I said, it all would have ended up going very stereotypically. But it was him in the meantime that was, like, fucking wheeling and dealing and working the telestrator.

It's also one of those things like as humans, all we really want and what we strive to have is like a shared experience with other people. And that's rare to get nowadays because TV shows are all streaming. And this is just like something you know that like you're watching. Everyone else is watching the exact. You're really kind of watching the history. Maybe it's on a channel or whatever, but you're all watching the same thing. It is history whether or not something historical happens. No, this is.

It's definitively something that will be in history books. This was, this is historical like period. Like no matter how it played out, this was going to be historical. So yeah, to not have interest in this I think is like freakishly apathetic. I don't know if it gets asshole status, but it's like... Yeah, you're just kind of a weirdo. Now, it depends on how vehemently you refuse to watch. Also weird that he did vote.

To be a voter and be into it and then be like, I don't really care, is fucking strange. Yeah, but when I cast my ballot, I wasn't like... Because I'm voting in Massachusetts. Yeah, but you're... I'm just saying that signals that you're into it enough that you would then also probably want to watch and discuss and talk about it.

And John King... I'm the opposite. Like, last night, we didn't have a watch party, but we had... Casey was over to watch it, and like, her and my girlfriend were talking about it a lot, and I was like... You were over it? No, I was, like, in it, I didn't want to discuss it with people

I was like, I was watching interesting I didn't even drink much last night people were like oh I'm going to drink whatever the results, it's going to be celebratory what are we drinking tonight? I was too zoned in to even really drink I think it's wildly interesting

I also think that what he's talking about almost becomes it's own story like I also think that what he's talking about almost becomes its own story. Like John King was talked about on social media. Did you notice the Calm ad? Yeah. Caitlyn sold that. That was like her idea. Really?

So like she's getting all sorts of points at work. This is like an amazing return on investment for them, like social media wise and impressions wise and everything so like little things like that you would miss entirely that are just like interesting little like societal conversations and stuff you know so yeah i mean i guess if you're talking about just the result yeah i guess it's kind of weird to just watch it go up and now watch those the odds went up and they went down so yeah you could just check in but it's again it's like watching a game it's like oh i could get the final score but you also could see that touchdown and that fumble and that bad call and all the shit that makes it interesting, you know? I think that the – I agree.

And I think your sports analogy was the best because it is like, yeah, you can just check the box score in the morning and loosely bring things up at the water cooler. Or you could know your shit. But, like, you fucking watch the game. Watch the game that everyone's watching. It's the Super Bowl. It's bigger than the Super Bowl.

It's fucking... The one. For like a generation. We threw an H word on it. And like, yeah, you want to fucking be able to talk about it and the little things. Even if you don't want to argue policy and stuff like that, there's still, like you said, the ComApp and John King and the Magic Ball and... John King

being like a CNN dude automatically assuming he's liberal like so like wanted joe biden to win is gonna happen was the star of media coverage as far as i'm concerned right like i haven't heard any stories of what what fox news is doing or like it's john king right which i think also just shows that most people turn to cnn because he was just like the talk of the town he had a little bit of a rough patch for real quickly when he said elections are fun. People didn't like that. Other than that, though, I mean, he is going to have an election come down.

That's not going to probably literally because I don't know how he was up for fucking 24 straight hours. But he is going to be like, how do I match? He's going to be chasing the dragon of election 2020 the rest of his fucking life. He's got to go back to just regular CNN talking head bullshit. Like, remember the time when we were in the wee hours of the morning? I was pushing the buttons. rest of his fucking life he's got to go back to just regular cnn talking head bullshit like remember the time when we were in the wee hours of the morning i was pushing the buttons shout out to john king it was a hell of a night for him uh all right let's do our voicemails uh we'll get her into our interview we'll get the hell out of here it's brought to you by voicemails brought

to you by theragun oh my god i fucking love theragun theragun is as close as you can get to a sex toy without without being a sex toy i mean i get straight up euphoric when i use the theragun this thing i actually got like i think i like strained an oblique somehow like how how can i do that what am i swinging like if i can swing in a bat i had to guess it was you were probably soaping yourself you think yeah god i can't imagine you're using the obliques too much other than the fucking twist here. It's not even a twist, but you're probably right. God.

But if I had my Theragun right now, I'd put it right on that little riblet and... I'd put that shit right up to level three right away. I'd just go right in for the kill. And I'd do it to excess. You'll get your Theragun, and it will tell you exactly how to use it so that you don't injure yourself. I'm like, injure me. I want this thing.

I want, I want to like smash my muscles. I want them flattened out. When I think of knots, man, I swear if I wasn't a blogger, I would, I would have gone into some sort of, I couldn't be a doctor and that's just not happening, but I would have been like some physical therapist or something like that. When I start thinking about knots and shit like that, I want to cut my body open and get that

muscle out and pound it like a chicken cutlet. That stuff to me, it gets in my head and I just think about it being tight. I just want to See, I'm the opposite when it comes to that. I love the Theragun i like it for like a post-workout kind of massage type deal but like just little pains i have those are just i put it

right on my nope that's just my traps that are like you know those muscles that are they're permanent like these are just like hardened not in like a i'm a strong way just in like this is like decaying four years yeah this is it's just almost like fusing to my bones and just becoming a part of my like stiff body. And I just want to bang that shit out until it's like somewhat functioning again. But the Theragun, you know, you can't really give yourself a massage. You can't like hit some of those spots. The Theragun, you can. You just hold that thing in there.

You hit your knots on like, what's it called? Your IT band, IP band, whatever. You're a physical therapist, not me. Right, the side of your quad. Oh, my God. And the Theragun is the number one on the market. It's the OG. And right now, they have the all-new Generation 4 Theragun

that has a proprietary brushless motor that is so quiet, you're not even going to know if it's on. which is, you know, that's I've gotten. I've heard the cheap ones before. It's like a goddamn lawnmower, man. You can't be doing that thing, you know, at night for, you know, I got a text last night from my I was doing the podcast late from my downstairs neighbors complaining. Like, it's fucking election night. You know, I work in the media. Like, you're going to have to just wear this one. late from my downstairs neighbors complaining like it's fucking election night you know i work in the media like you're gonna have to just wear this one yes like fuck off right what were you

doing i was doing the podcast i was doing mail time i was like we need to redo it because like like the way it was going was just like everything we said in the afternoon was kind of stupid it didn't make sense he was like it's a little late i was like i wanted to be like it's election night dude yeah it's not a fucking regular night. I'm not going to be doing it tomorrow. God willing. Like, shut the fuck up. Anyway, if I had an old school Theragun, it probably an old school off brand Theragun.

It probably would have been, you know, making noise. You probably would have been complaining about that. But if you get the generation four, it's quiet, it's silent, but it's still got that signature power, that amplitude and effectiveness. Go to Theragun.com slash KFC right now. It's starting at only $199. And you can get the Theragun Gen 4 with the OLED screen, the personalized Theragun app, and that quiet and power you need. There is no substitute for the Theragun. You can try it out for 30 days, and if you don't like it, send it back. That is, I mean, there's no reason not to

because you're either going to get this piece that's going to change your life and knock out all your knots, or if you don't like it and it's not for you, you can send it back. Go to theragun.com slash KFC right now. Try yours today for 30 days. That's theragun.com slash KFC. now. Try yours today for 30 days. That's Theragun.com slash KFC. I got a quick hypothetical for you guys. You don't have to drink every day, but every time you drink, you have to drink X amount of beer.

So I was thinking eight. Every time I drink, I'll drink eight beers. My buddy chose 13, and he's only going to drink one night a week. I was thinking eight, maybe two or three. You know, Keep Thursday in there and still be good for work on Friday. I have another buddy who I'm drinking with. He's Neil. It's a three.

You go to a football game, you're screwed. You have two at the tailgate, one at the game, and there you go. You're going home after the game. I was curious what you guys would pick. My predictions was Feidelberg would pick 14 and KFC would pick five. I'm curious what you guys would say. So please include this in the thing.

Shout out Jimbo. Peace. You pick a number and you always have to drink that number? Yeah. Is that what you're saying? No matter what the situation, you have to drink that many beers. I mean, I hate to be the wet blanket, but you just can't pick a big number. Yeah.

I mean, I guess you could, but then it's just like you're never casually drinking again. You go to dinner with like your girlfriend's parents and you just have to pick undrinking water tonight because if you start drinking, you have to drink 14. Yeah. I just don't think you can do that, right? No, I wouldn't pick – eight was going to be my number. But even that, no? You can put down eight and you'll be fine? Yeah.

Come on. And he said beers or like drinks? I'll put down eight and start a road trip. Put down eight and start operating head machinery. Did he say – is this drinks or beers that matters too uh he said beers because that you know yeah you can i drink a lot i rarely drink beer nowadays yeah me too i'm like but in my day eight beers you know i could i'd be fine i i was like every time you drink whiskey you have to have eight whiskey drinks that's a different story that's a different story i i have i always have beers in my fridge. I got my case of Miller Lights.

And I'll occasionally have one or two, but I rarely have more than two. Right. What the fuck's going on? Sneeze? You earned that one. You almost lost it. You got there.

Yeah. I'm pretty regularly like a two to four beer guy. And then after that, I'll have maybe one or two to just chill. Yeah. And if I'm like, I'm going regularly like a two to four beer guy. And then after that, I'll have maybe one or two to just chill. Yeah. And if I'm like, I'm going to keep drinking, I'll switch it over to whiskey or wine. I think five is probably pretty accurate.

I mean, I'm going to probably even be an even wetter blanket. I'd probably go four. Four? Give me four beers. Four beers is a good one. And honestly, at this stage in my life, it's, yeah, I think a four for me is a good... That'll probably get me buzzing as if 23-year-old me could hear that now.

I'd be like, you pussy. But four is good. And I just rarely, at this stage in the game, I'm like, I wish I could have 15, but I'm not allowed to because of the Magic Genie. So I think a four would be the Magic Genie. Whatever this fucking rule is here. You know what I mean? No.

What do you mean? We're playing some fucking magic game. Oh, oh, oh, oh. I completely, yeah. I got totally sidetracked. When you said this thing here, I thought you meant something at Barstool. No, no. This hypothetical.

I got very lost for a second there, yeah. But four is a good number for you, I think. Four makes sense. And that makes sense that you double me. Yeah. um yeah I mean four is a good number for you I think four makes sense and that makes sense that you double me yeah and like I probably wouldn't have eight at the table if I'm at the dinner

with my girlfriend's parents but like I'll probably have one or two before and then I'll probably have two or three at the table oh so you could

spread them out and then I'll have them at the bar right the after you know or like a even like you know

they go home and we go I go back home and I have a couple like a nightcap you spread out if I don't have to have them in succession right away, but if you can have them in a four-hour window,

I'll fucking knock that out. You run into issues with St. Patrick's Day, tailgates, if you still do the day before Thanksgiving sort of thing. You run into those drinking holidays, it kind of stinks if you cut yourself off. Yeah, what hell that would be

if you're like, because there's that feeling're like you realize you either stop or you go more yeah you kind of you kind of just like turning point assess the situation yeah oh we're hitting tonight yeah yeah yeah you kind of get that twinkle in your eye yeah right we're gonna fucking run it back tonight and then like you go and like just the beer pours through you like you're a ghost or something goes down like water it is yeah no i mean like if you like you're like you crack number nine and you're like here we go and it just like falls out the back of your head yeah it's just like i got it and you're trying to wrap it up right right yeah yeah to me i mean they're at a certain age that feeling that we just described is more important and so so you'd probably have to pick a monster number

just because it's like, when I do want to go, I got to be able to go. And I'll deal with being like shit-faced in front of my girlfriend's parents the other times. But then at some point it flips. But when you have that, just if you could have told me like at one point in my life, like, well, every Hoboken St. Patrick's Day,

you're only going to be allowed to have like six. I'd be like, well, then I can't live. Then I should kill myself. Those switch flips are like what I live for. Yeah, those moments. Because I'm always ready to go. I'll hit it whenever. Khan's texted me last night and was like, hey, what do you think about drinks on Thursday?

And I was like, in. And he's like, I love that you're always just in. I never have to think about it. I used to be that guy and then kids and everything got in the way but I always prided myself on being like yeah, you can always count on me If you ever need a drinking buddy

I'm the one But that's because you like it How rarely let's say you start to dislike it for some reason do you think you'll keep doing that out of, like, the reputation and being that guy? Or is it just that you actually do, like, always like drinking? It's not even drinking.

I just like, I love the whole experience. I love, like, it's what, like, historically speaking, it's where people connected. It's the public house. It's where you fucking go and you tell great stories. The tavern, the watering hole. It's just, to me, the whole experience of it is very fun and i honestly think it as like i don't think of it in a historical sense but i just think like this is doing what people were meant to do we are and us too i mean we've said that like the one thing we we did well like our talent was just like being at a bar yeah

you know not even just like i can drink a lot it's like i can i can banter with the bartenders i can talk to strangers a little bit. I can watch the game. I can have the moments. I can tell your story. You want me to entertain you? I'll tell you stories, man. Yeah, I got a bar story.

I'll make you laugh. And I'll listen to yours. Right, right, right. I think it's a very cool – we kind of talked about shared experiences earlier. It's very cool just like we're all in this together feeling. If you can't go to a bar, that's a problem. You got to know how to get a bartender's attention when it's crowded. You got to know how much to tip and how to like the etiquette and all those

things. If you're out, you know, if you're like awkward in your own skin at a bar, Oh, that sucks. My only friends who don't work at barstool are bartenders. Are bartenders.

They're like my only friends in New York who don't work at barstool are bartenders. Yeah. And they're just guys. And I go out with them to other bars and stuff like that. Like I hang out with them. Like I met them in a bar. work at barstool are bartenders. My only friends in New York who don't work at barstool are bartenders. I go out with them to other bars and stuff. I hang out with them. I met them in a bar. We became friends in a bar. I think that's how most people are. I'm not going to go fucking join Old Smith Frisbee. I still want to be a bar owner one day.

I used to roll with the guys from Tin Lizzy. A lot of them were interconnected. I once went to a staff party at this place called Uptown where the bartender, Felipe. No, it wasn't a staff party. It was his birthday at the bar. We got invited to his, I don't know, fucking 35th birthday party at the time or whatever. And it was like him and his entire Mexican family and then like us.

It was so ridiculous. But yeah, we were, I mean, we had every bartender's number. We were friends with them all everywhere we went. I knew the Tin Lizzy guys, the Saloon guys, the Brath Bones guys, and a lot of them owned like pieces of all the bars. So sometimes they were like on the clock. Sometimes you were at their bar. Sometimes you're at other bar. I mean it's just the bar culture.

The best part of my life. I always remember the most. It really is. And so, like, I live for that switch when everyone just kind of, again, shared experience. And it's enough. It's enough for that. It's not going to be your biggest night, but it's enough that, like, you know. Everyone agrees. Tonight we're going to climb a mountain.

Right. Right, right, right. We're going to do it together. All right, boys, let's fucking mount up. Next one. Hi, guys. We're going to do it together. All right, boys, let's fucking mount up. Next one. Hi, guys. So something kind of crazy happened last night, and it made me think of a question.

I feel like I've heard this girl's voice before. My boyfriend and I went to a Halloween party last night, and I was dressed up as Guy Fieri. So I had the blonde wig and all that. Anyways, on the way home from the party, him and I were getting a little frisky. And I started to lean over to give him some road head. And all of a sudden, right as I was about to, you know, start, he was like, oh, my fucking God, take that wig off. I can't take you seriously when you do this.

So I guess my question is, what's the weirdest sexual experience you had with someone? Like maybe it was a Halloween costume or just dressed weird. What's the weirdest sexual situation you had where you had to get the person to change? I like the wig, the high heels. You can leave it on. The wig, the Guy Fieri wig

though, I'd be scared. Oh, wait a minute. Oh, shit. I forgot it was Guy Fieri. Okay, okay. This bitch is going to call the manager in the middle of sucking my dick because the girl with that haircut. Okay. Oh, shit. I forgot it was Guy Fieri. Okay. Okay. Totally. I'm like, this bitch is going to call the manager in the middle of sucking my dick. Because the girl with that haircut. That's the.

She wants to talk to the regional supervisor. I just was picturing like a hot pink wig hair. Like a girl hair. I forgot it was Guy Fieri. So, yeah, that's tough. I don't know if I could get my dick sucked by like a simulated Guy Fieri. I could. I mean, I could.

I could. I mean, I might be able to get my dick sucked by like a simulated guy fieri um i could i mean i could yeah i could i mean i might give you i might be able to get my dick sucked by guy fieri whatever man a mouth of mouth shout out bill burr um i um have i had any of these though i i had the one once with like the executioner's mask which is the story i've told yeah it was just so funny and so ridiculous. That's just too kinky. It was just like, this is absurd. This is fucking a bowling ball right now.

But by the way, I could do that. I think any time that I've done something like that, I've been into it. There's any sort of lingerie or dress up or whatever. But I've never done like the full role play. But like some kinky it's usually just more like lingerie but like a little bit further than that and I'm always like yeah this is doing it.

This is doing it by the way. But yeah I don't think I have any I don't think I've ever had anything like I can't take you seriously like that. No and I would never say that. You could come in in like a fucking sumo outfit I'll fucking cut anything like I can't take you seriously like that. No, and I would never say that. No. You could come in in like a fucking sumo outfit. I'll fucking cut a hole in it and fuck you. I don't – I'll fuck you in anything, man.

It doesn't fucking matter. You said that. I will fuck you in anything, man. It doesn't fucking matter. I like – yeah, fucking pop on a flame shirt. I don't – it doesn't matter. Let's go to Flavortown. It does. Like are you fucking kidding me?

Yeah. It would be – it's so easy. Yeah, that's not going to stop me. Especially if I get my dick sucked in the car. Yeah. Actually, that might stop me more than anything. Just like – it's like tough and, you know, it's like, let's just wait until we get home. I'll probably ride for that too, but it's not gonna be the the wig that stops me no maybe maybe in public you're like if i get

pulled over yeah like they're gonna be like where are you like oh yeah you stop it like a red light and your friends pull up alongside you just like oh john's getting his dick sucked by a guy guy's head hopping up and down very funny be very very funny. It'd be very fucking funny. But yeah, I think for the most part, even if you are uncomfortable, most guys are just going to grit their teeth and bear it and be like, I don't want to... She understands it's because of Guy Fieri, but I don't think it's ever a good idea to tell a girl, stop sucking my dick. Yeah, it's never a good idea to tell a girl no. Yeah.

I had a buddy, he fell asleep once getting ahead. He was in Ireland studying abroad. Been there. Passed out. a buddy who uh he fell asleep once getting head he was in ireland studying abroad passed out like you know in his defense he was probably 30 beers deep but he put his hands behind his head and he was like lounging like a king while it was happening and then completely fell asleep and he went on like an eight-year drought really like a really really really long drought you got the drowsies's curse?

And it was like, yeah, man, you spit in the face of the hookup gods. I mean, I've done that, and I did not go on a drought. So don't fear it too much. The drowser case, the drowser curse isn't for everybody. But I've done that, like fully having sex. I've fallen asleep. While on top. She thought I just had a heart attack.

Lucky she couldn't get to her phone before I woke up. But, yeah, it doesn't matter. You can come into bed in absolutely anything. And guess what? We don't have sex. Let's do one more voicemail and we'll get into our interview. What's up, KFC? Calling in again on another fucking weekend.

My friend and I have a question for you. So, if you could take years off of your life and give them to somebody else, how many years would you give them and who would you give them to? I would give them to somebody else how many years would you give them and who would you give them to i would give them to my dead dog maybe like 10 years um let me know 10 years bring your dog back to watch him die again i know i mean what the fuck is that and honestly i know what that heartbreak was pretty good i'd like to like to ride that ride one more time i know that a real blast telling fucking stevie that goodbye on a vet's medical table i'm gonna cremate him again yeah i'm gonna

set him on fire again uh in in am i the asshole tonight with luis gomez luis jay gomez he he hits the nail on the head and i think it's something that some people are maybe afraid to to admit on the internet because you know you'll feel the wrath of dogs. Like once you do have kids and I don't know, eventually your answer stopped being like, I want I want my dog to live forever or I want to save my dog. It's like, I don't know. Dogs are cool. You have them. And then they die.

That's just how this shit goes. So I don't I don't think I would be doing this for my I don't know. I mean, if there was any like child death uh you know i'd give fucking all my years um but to like another adult yeah it's a tough one uh you know what i don't want to give also it matters that you got if am i allowed to know how many years i get you know if you tell me right now that i get let's say say, by the upset city, I'm living 100 years, I'll give 20 to fucking a war criminal. I don't give a shit.

Here, Kim Jong, you can have 20 years just so I don't have to live to 100. But as far as people who I think earn it or deserve it you know you know what i would do i would go around and i would find like 20 brides to be who like died before they could get to the altar or something like that and i'd give them one year so you get to get married and then you're still gonna die don't worry but i'm i feel real good about myself in my when i'm living till i'm 60 only i'm like remember that i made 20 you know cancer stricken brides live out their dream? Yeah, that's me. All right.

I would give probably 15 to 20 to Tom Brady. And then just to see him like – No, because he doesn't need them. He's going to have 15 to 20 himself. But I want to see him play until 60. He's going to. That's what I mean. And then –

Wouldn't it be funny, though, if it was like your quality years and Tom Brady's like I don't even want these this feels terrible no thank you I'd rather be dead this guy ate way too much Hill and L.A. and salt here's the big one I like so I'm 32 let's say I have 60 years which is quite a

quite a a stretch okay I would give all 60 right now to keith richards just so everyone's like how the fuck is he still alive at 140 like just to be someone who people thought should have died forever ago you would die just for the headlines of like, I can't believe Keith Richards is still alive. Just as a prank to the world, I'd die. I would die right this second as a

prank to the world. You know what I wish I could do? This guy's already dead, but if I could somehow give more years to Pablo Picasso, you know how like just to see the look on Trent's face. When Trent found out that Pablo died in 1973, imagine if he died in, like, 2003.

Pablo Picasso lived to see fucking Donald Trump be president or something crazy like that. He's like, Pablo Picasso lives on 14th Street. Yeah. He works at Barstool. Pablo works here. That's what I would do. Just for a lot of people, that was a whole internet thing, but just for Trent's face. What?

Pablo's still alive? And I'm dead, but Pablo Picasso's still alive. I know. With my last breath, I'm just like, boy, it is really going to fuck people up when Keith Richards turns 146. That's going to be the mind-blowing gif tweet of the fucking century. All right. Interview time with Mario Lopez, A Lopez, AC Slater, the guy from Access Hollywood, and every other show under the sun.

Or you know who else I would have given him to? Jesus. Because he'd have fucked up. You live longer, you're going to fuck up. Yeah. Let's see what would happen at 43, tough guy. Anybody can have a good 33. I had a great 33. Things got bad at 34, man.

Anybody can have a good few i had a great 33 things got bad at 34 man like you know i i could i anybody can have a good few years all right dude if like if jesus didn't get to die catholicism just doesn't happen absolutely it like it literally doesn't happen right i would another prank to the world imagine that i'm saving everyone i'm saving so many lives if i just give jesus more life i'm saving all the everyone fucking killed in the Crusades. Yeah. Right? None of that bullshit. I'm saving so many fucking people. You're saving people

that don't go to church on Sundays because it doesn't fucking exist. Guess what, Jesus? You don't get to die, bro. Could you imagine that? Jesus is like, no, I need to be nailed to the cross so this fucking whole thing plays out.

Nope. You keep living, bro. They keep trying to kill him. He's just up there for 40 years. They're like, guys, it's not working. Maybe we just bought a fight effect. Maybe it's like, hang on, we really fucked up.

They were stabbing him and fucking hanging him up. He could never die. Yeah, that'd be tough. But Jesus living to like 50? Yeah, you went so tough, pal. Yeah, you get canceled between 30 and 50. That's when it comes in hot for you. Yeah, it would be the Jews and the Christians.

It would be a whole problem eventually. It's also like he didn't have enough time for people to get sick of him. Right. I'd be like, dude, shut the fuck up. It's kind of like Tupac and Biggie. They never had a bad album. Right, right. It's like they had just a good run and that was it.

I like that. Jesus. The best thing that ever happened to Jesus? Crucifixion. All right. Interview time with AC Slater, Mario Lopez. This interview is brought to you by Thursday Boots. Shout out to Thursday, man.

We've been down with them for a long time. Wore Thursday with my Halloween costume on Saturday. Did you? Yeah. What was your Halloween costume? Sherlock Holmes. Ooh, I like that. Like a big time Sherlock Holmes.

Not a cheap Sherlock Holmes. Is it the hat, the pipe, the whole nine? I have a legit cape that I'm probably going to start wearing regularly. Wow. Yeah. It's for real. I've not seen the hat. I'll get the hat, too. No, no, no. The hat. The John hat. The Feidelberg hat. I mean, it's for real. I've not seen the hat. I'll get the hat too.

No, no, no, the hat. The John hat. The Feidelberg hat. I mean, it's right here. Yeah, I haven't seen you wear it. Yeah, that's true. I mean, I guess... When's hat season? That hat is for the cold. About right now. Yeah, you gotta fucking break it out, man. But yeah, so break out the boots as well. It's boot season. They got all kind of boots. High quality, fashionable,

durable, all types of leathers to choose from, all at at honest prices if you want an honest pair of boots at an honest price that are built to last uh head over to thursdayboots.com it's boot season baby mario lopez what's up babe yo what's up man how we doing look at this you do a good job on IG. I see you all the time. Oh, thank you, man. I appreciate that, dude. Thanks a lot. Right on, right on. I love the guns out, man. That's quite the look right here, dude. It's toasty right here.

I come dressed like a bum. I'm always in shorts and a tank. We're out here in LA. You guys are in New York, right? Yeah, yeah. It's 80 degrees out here, baby. I know, man. Shit.

I know I trained earlier, so it's just, you know. Like I said, if I got flip-flops on, we're like this all year. What do we got in the back there? Is that Rocky and Apollo? No, that is Chavez and Taylor. Who else is that? Oh, that's right. You're a real-life boxer, right?

You can throw those hands, right? Yeah, I just finished my boxing podcast, as a matter of fact. Oh, yeah. right yeah i just finished uh my boxing podcast as a matter of fact oh yeah i feel like listen there's there's always with with like the uh the boxing like coverage of the world i feel like you could be that dude man you should get you know make that a focus forget about all the other stuff you do man you're too busy just focus on that yeah well no i have a lot of fun in that i have called a lot of fights funny that you say that both for uh top rank, I have a lot of fun in that. I have called a lot of fights. Funny that you say that. Both were top-ranked, golden boy, and a lot of international fees, both in English and Spanish, you know, just for fun,

just because I love the sport. I'm always, like, immersed in it. I mean, I was in the club this morning. We were training. And so it's just like my outlet. A lot of guys play softball and golf, and I like to throw hands. You just beat the shit out of people, man. I'm still young, which I'm not.

But, yeah, I know a lot of those guys, so it's fun. Yeah. What was the topic on this? Have you talked about Tyson and Roy Jones a lot? I'm hosting that fight, by the way. You're hosting that fight? I'm hosting that fight. That's going down Saturday, the 28th, the Saturday after Thanksgiving,

right here in L. in LA at Staples What's that going to be like? I mean what you know is that Obviously the names are so big but Like those guys still got it We're expecting like a real show or what? Well they still got it We don't know for how long

Yeah right We've just seen Tyson That's so funny. When you see those videos, he's just quickly, and people are like, Mike's still got it. I was like, that was 10 seconds, guys. Exactly. That's exactly it. He's explosive.

We don't know how long it'll be. But listen, but Roy, too. Roy's actually been a lot more active, and he's still fighting a lot of top 10 guys. And so he's been in the game a little bit longer, but the punch resistance may not be there, and Mike's still got those heavy hands, so it'll be fun while it lasts. It's a novelty, but I like it. I'm a purist of the sport,

but I like when you have McGregor versus Mayweather or you've got two old champions come like that. It makes for a fun event. A spectacle, yes. Have you seen when those clips come out and they go viral, there's always someone who quote tweets it like, would you get in the ring with Tyson for $10,000 right now? And it's like, what are you talking about?

For $10,000 would I get murdered? No. It's got to be him. I have a price to get murdered. It's just a lot higher than that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need a couple more zeros. Could you go with him?

For a few more zeros. Yeah. My guy's got a By the way He's like my height But he's got hands Like a Like a ham hock These hands

Yeah For a size 14 shoe He's supposed to be I think like 6'5 But he ended up being Compacted all in Yeah 5'11

That's how you get Turned into a piece of iron Yeah Have you seen The spectacle That we put on here at Barstool, Rough and Rowdy? Not seen it. So we bought this. Unless you posted the clips on IG.

Yeah, there's some floating around on social. So we bought this amateur. It's not even box. I mean, it's boxing, but it's amateur. Yeah. Yeah. It's not even Boxing I mean it's boxing But it's amateur Yeah Yeah Yeah It's three

One minute rounds With you know Guys are fighting In jeans and shit Like it's just It's just haymakers It's a step up From bum fights

It's great It's fucking great man You gotta get on the call For one of those By the way I'll see I mean I love All combat sports

And I grew up Wrestling Boxing And I do jiu jjitsu, the whole thing. But I'll watch a couple of bums, too. Yeah. I'll watch it. So when A.C. Slater threw on the singlet, and you were doing Bayside wrestling, that was pretty natural for you?

Well, you know, the character wasn't supposed to be an athlete. He was written as like a Vinnie Bob boberino and welcome by cotter just kind of like this italian street kid yeah when when i got the part they asked the the actors to write down um uh all the interests activities hobbies that we do and i was the athlete so i wrote down i wrestled i danced i played the drums, and then they incorporated that into the character. Wow. So that's shit, man, because we talked to Mark Paul before, and he was kind of saying how he's not like Zach in a way.

Like he really was acting and that he wasn't this dude. But you are kind of AC if that's what you're telling me. I was really – well, physically I was. I mean, my game was a lot tighter than his. You know, and he was a little more – you know, they played him a little more chauvinistic and all that stuff. Yeah, would not maybe fly this day and age. I don't know about that, you know. Exactly.

But that was never really my style anyway. But all the physical attributes were made. They just incorporated. They fixed that too real fast in the trailer. Like the, like the opening scene of the trailer is you like, what's up mama? Oh, I mean, what's up Dr. Mama? New one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. New one's a lot of fun. Totally, totally, totally.

I, we, we were looking at the new project that we're talking about today. Feliz Navidad and, uh, Feliz Navidad.'re talking about today, Feliz Navidad. My dad. Feliz Navidad. Feliz Navidad because you're the dad. Right, right, right. Feliz Navidad. He's working on the holidays, and his daughter hooks him up,

sets up an online account, and I end up finding love and rediscovering my love for the holidays again. I came up with that idea just because I wanted to play this single dad who gets kind of bummed out around the holidays because i had a friend who broke up with his girl and he's miserable around the holidays i'm like well what if he finds love again this and that so um it was the first project in in this uh covet era um that was in production so i feel like a covet pioneer because we did that in Nevada we turned that around pretty quick that was the first one and then Access Hollywood and all my other NBC shows All Access and Access Daily those were the first here on Blot Universal

and then the new Saved by the Bell was the first scripted show so I've been busier than ever during this pandemic you're on the forefront of everything but I've had more shit up my nose with these tests every day I'm getting tested for. Bro, Mario, I'll tell you what.

I didn't know where you were going with that. Let's clarify. It's a test of your nose, man. I've been busy. I had to do a lot of stuff. I can't tell you how you're doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know you, man.

No, I feel like something's going on. This is the perfect year to do this movie, though. As soon as Halloween was done, everybody was in the holiday mood, dude. Everybody's doing Christmas songs and Christmas decorations. It was like we flipped the calendar to Christmas season way earlier than ever. It's the perfect time to have a Christmas movie dropping. Yeah, just skipping right over Thanksgiving. I mean, obviously, it's been a very, very tough year for all of us.

So I think any sort of joy or happiness that we can bring and get into the festive spirit as soon as possible. See, listen, you're such a pro, dude. This is the thing about you, man. You're so busy. You got so many jobs, and you do it all. You have just become this, become this media fucking mogul. I don't know. You're an entity.

Mario Lopez is a media entity. You're like a whole corporation to itself. I'm a bigger fan of you guys already. I feel very blessed. I don't take it for granted at all being a former kid actor because so many turn out not doing what they want to do or they've had it pretty rough. But a day doesn't go by that I'm not grateful for being as busy as I have been.

You know, I'm like literally on NBC two hours a day with Access Hollywood, Access Daily, and All Access. Then I got a nationally syndicated radio show in over like 120 markets. Now I'm doing this, you know, this primetime show with Save by the Bell again and this Christmas movie. And we're getting ready to start the southern one. So not, you know, and now I got three kids, a wife and two dogs at home. So balancing it all. I mean, I'm real hyper. So I like to keep busy and do a bunch of stuff. But I don't take it all for granted because I know in this business, everything could be a tent job and go away like that. I've said before that, like with kid actors, if they get through the rough patch and go away like that i i've said before that like with kid actors if they get through the rough patch and it almost feels like everyone has they come out the other side

it's like kings like if you're looking at like i like i say it about shia labeouf where he's like you know he obviously had his his hard times and he's just like he's awesome now did you have a period where you were like kind of going crazy so to speak speak? No, you know, I had like, excuse me, my parents are immigrants to this country. So I'm first generation, but they were, they didn't, I wasn't like one of those kids, like I want to be in show business. I kind of just fell into it, to be honest.

My parents didn't know anything about it. You fell pretty fucking hard, man. You fell right into it. Once I fell into it, then I was like, well, shit, this beat's getting a real job. is cool yeah yeah um but i've always liked like people and i like talking i read really well as a kid and somehow all those things sort of manifested itself to to get into entertainment but i never uh had an attitude like um god if i don't do this i'm gonna die or or it's this or bust um it but once i did commit to it yeah i had lulls and ups and downs just like anyone i never allowed myself to get

really either uh uh beat myself up or get too depressed i never got in any trouble because my you know i had a pretty strict old man and um i never went down like you know about the drugs or gotten any kind of trouble like that. But, yeah, there was definitely downs. I think just being open to doing a lot of things and trying to create your own opportunities and having an optimistic attitude. Like I said, OK, well, you know, my mom put me in a bunch of classes. I was like singing, dancing, acting, wrestling, boxing, doing theater, all the stuff you could think of. And so I figured there are no rules. Why not do that?

So that's why I'm trying to do a radio show, do a TV show, act and still do all this. So why not do it all? I got a question for you in the doing it all sense. And now you do all that, obviously. And I see on social a lot. You enjoy your tequila. How do you do the drinking and the arms like that?

Yeah. I know you got a book on it. I don don't really read that often give me the clip notes like how does like wait like all right so when you how often do you drink let's say drinking so anything i always say i don't do anything half-assed so anything i do i like to work hard but i like to play hard too i'm not gonna no it's funny talking about boxing and my partner in the tequila company is Oscar De La Hoya. Oh, hard on him. Excuse me.

We've been friends for a long time. As a matter of fact, we're doing a documentary about him that I'm directing and producing too, but that's for another day. So we decided to kind of, a friend of mine from Mexico who is into spirits kind of introduced

me to this new tequila we're working with out of Arandas, this place out there. Long story short, I tried it and he said he was looking for some investors and people to kind of get on board. I said, you know what? I've never done anything like this. I'm pretty conservative with all that stuff, but I asked Oscar. I said, hey, dude, we both like to drink tequila a lot.

I said, we're Mexican. We actually really like it. We can come from an authentic place and speak to it. Worst case scenario, we'll have a great fucking time. So why not? And then we just kind of got into it a couple years ago. And so far, so good. It's been working out pretty well.

And the spirits business is a tough business. It gets a little political. But now we finally made some big str little political, but now we're, we're, we finally made some big strides. So I think we're on our way, but to answer your question, I mean,

we had like a little Halloween party this last over the weekend. And then, you know, we throw any kind of kid parties that adult parties, it just gets lit. And it was like a couple with candy. And we went through about 15 bottles of tequila. And then I made a big sangria

with wine and fruit and all that but I took two big bottles of tequila and put it in there. So everybody got twisted. We like to have fun. So do you wake up and work out the next morning? How do you deal with a hangover? Because you look like the guy who doesn't get them. Well, you get to drink. Now I drink kind of straight tequila just for that.

That's actually a really good question. And I'm not giving giving you a sell here but when you get like some pure agave and don't fuck with like the sugary stuff in it you won't wake up with a hangover you'll you'll be you might be tired but you're gonna hang over and so yeah i usually get up i don't feel like i woke up unless i busted a sweat or did something you know what i mean so i don't i don't always kind of got to do something get on my bike and watch a game or read or do something. So I got to do something and kind of feel like I woke up. Sweat it out is the advice that everyone gives you. I know.

It's like a force. It's just hard, Mario. Right. It's hard to just do. You can sit in a steam room too. I'm a big fan of that. Yeah, that I could do better. Just sit there and sweat until you feel like you're almost going to die,

but then you feel better. All right, that works. Did you ever feel like you were, gonna die but then you feel better all right that works did you ever feel like you were like when you were starting out or let's say maybe when say by the bells wrapping up i mean did you have your your sets your eyes set on this like did you think you were gonna be like a host of this and and on and you know doing all the shit you're doing were you like i'm gonna go get it or you kind of like, I just want to get another acting gig on TV? Or maybe a movie will come my way? I had an epiphany when I worked with Dick Clark for a few years. Yeah, he's the king of that shit.

Yeah, you got a Seacrest thing going on. You should fight him, man. You should fight Seacrest for supremacy. Because I've known Seacrest for a long time. We used to live in the same apartment complex. Oh, shit. Yeah, right in Burbank. That was your chance. If you guys live in apartments, you've known him for a real long time we used to live in the same apartment complex oh shit yeah right in right in burbank that was your chance if you guys live in apartments you've known him for a real

long time no one's doing apartments anymore a lot of times anyway um i worked with him and he saw that i liked uh because i just started hosting shows and i i look like a natural host because i like hosting parties at my house i like hosting game nights i just like making sure everybody's having like a good time everybody's got a drink in their hand and i like to kind of just kind of entertain and i'm like well shit you get paid for this so i said oh that's cool so i i wanted to sort of focus more on becoming like the lat Dick Clark, if you will. Yeah. And through that, I figured, again, going back to my mantra of there being no rules,

then I can do, I can still act. I can still do like my Christmas movie. I can still do whatever the case. So, you know, I've gotten to be on Broadway. I've written books. This guy's an asshole. You're an asshole. Cut his mic off.

That's enough out of you. Jesus, man. You make us feel bad about ourselves. It guy's an asshole. You're an asshole. Cut his mic off. That's enough out of you. Jesus, man. You make us feel bad about ourselves. It's crazy, though. I mean, incredible amount of success. Yeah. A crazy amount of success, except what's up with the blue belt? Yeah.

What are we doing? Blue belt in karate. You roll out of bed. I was like. You know what, jujitsu you mean? Yeah. I was like. I just started. Bro, you started in 2017. You should roll out of bed, I was like – Jiu-Jitsu, you mean? Yeah. I was like – I just started.

Bro, you started in 2017. You should roll out of bed and be a black belt. You're a wrestler, a boxer. You should be crushing it. Blue belt. I was crushing it, but guess what happened? Age caught up. Wait.

Hang on. Do you know how old he is? Did you look it up? Yeah, I know. I mean, you don't age. Oh, very nice. Yeah, man. I'm 47 years old.

That's crazy. I don't feel it, but I mean, shit, that ain't that. I mean, I guess it's kind of old when you say it out loud, but I really don't feel it. But what happened was my body started betraying me. You ever see the movie The Blues Brothers? Yeah. You know the movie? At the end of the movie, the car after the cake, it just kind of all breaks down.

That's like my body right now. Yeah, it looks just like that. I mean, fuck you, man. Yeah, yeah. You're riding around a real piece of garbage there, Mario. No, let me tell you what I mean. This was all boxing, ironically, not jiu-jitsu. But I tore my Achilles two years ago.

Then I tore my rotator cuff. Then I tore my bicep muscle. So I've had pretty severe injuries that keep slowing down my progression in jujitsu. I'll give you that. Those are fair. Yeah. That's your body being like,

dude, injuries. Yeah. That's, I mean, like we're all, you know, like I said,

if I do something, I go all the way. That's your body saying, just be pretty and rich on TV, man. Stop with all this. Honestly, if you just had like a little bit more of a mullet like you used to have in the 90s,

you would look exactly the same. It's crazy. My guy right here. It's obnoxious. I'm not really trying to compliment you. I'm mad at you for it. Stop taking it well. So we were doing research, and part of our research just entails looking up fun facts about you.

Fun fact. First kiss Fergie at 10? What are you doing until 10? We were doing a show called Kids Incorporated, which was kind of like the Mickey Mouse Club about a band. And we all played the instruments and we sang and danced on it. And she was on that. So it was a girl named Martika.

And there was a couple other famous people um shamice who sang back in the day and older than uh you guys probably don't remember that but yeah fergie she was 10 uh we were both 10 and um i was kissing her and the other girl on the show hey i started young but uh yeah and now we have kids the same age. And so, yeah, she's been obviously an old friend for a long time. That's crazy. I honestly never knew Fergie was like it, was with it like that for that long. I thought Fergie just came on the scene with the Black Eyed Peas. I didn't know.

I was like, oh, gosh, she got her first kiss with Mario Lopez. Super cute, too. Super cute kid. I would imagine so. I don't think Mario Lopez's first kiss was going to be anything subpar. She did me a favor with that one. That's a fun story to tell. Yeah.

Well, yeah, if it started with Fergie and then in, like, your teenage years, it's Saved by the Bell and whatnot. I mean, you've been blessed with co-stars, let's say. Yeah, no, I've had a lot of cool co-stars, and they've been pretty cool people too. So, I mean, I get along pretty much with everyone. When you look back on Saved by the Bell, like, again, I mentioned that we talked to Mark Paul, and not that he, like, had bad things to say by any means, but I thought of it as, like,

I'm going to talk to the guy who played Zach Morris, and, like, that's the, from my generation, that's, like, the coolest thing ever. And he was kind of like, you know, it was an acting was an acting gig and like I used to get pulled out of school and like in real school I wasn't I didn't have as many friends because I was doing this acting thing and it was just like a different uh I just didn't expect his his memories and his thoughts about Saved by the Bell to be that way because we all think of it as so cool and so iconic what what's like your lasting images or when you look back on Saved by the Bell, how do you view it?

I view it fondly. I had a great time. It was fun. You know, we did it in the summertime because everyone was a minor and they didn't want to have to mess with school. And I was the only one that went to like a real public high school.

I went to Chula Vista High School with 3,500 kids. And I got to wrestle for my school. I went to dances, the prom, graduation. And I had like, it was just like a cool summer job. And you know, you got to remember it was a Saturday morning show. So it tripped me out that people start, when it's syndication and people start watching it

and like older people, it would like trip me out. Like, why are they watching it? Like, it's weird. This is for little kids. And so I was blown away by that. And then the fact that it still kind of resonates these decades later just kind of blows me away. But I had a lot of fun. I had a lot of fun doing it.

And like I said, we did them all during the summertime. So it was a lot of five fun summers. That's a great, like you said, summer job, man. I moved rocks. I had a boss who, like, it was a job that, like, my dad got for me at his friend's, like, dock. And it would just be, like, every day, just be like, hey, move that pile of rocks over here. It was like communist Russia, how they kept 99% employment rate. Just like, yeah, move that pile of rocks over here. It was just the same pile of rocks.

So I think you had a better go. Well, I had a couple of those summers, too too though uh one job you did turn down though uh the appearance in playgirl 200k is what i read on the internet is that true shit i don't remember that number i'm like that's the part that i thought i was like this story's probably true i don't know if that number is because that's a pretty big number to turn down dude when i was younger i mean i remember they asked me a couple times but i was like like, no, I'm good right now. And then ironically, I ended up posing, and I think it was people. I was naked, but they covered it up all strategically and stuff to do like, I don't know what it was, for paying homage to something.

But yeah, I ended up not doing the paper, bottom line. All right, let me say this. I got a blank checkbook in front of me right now what's the number i got 200k written on a piece of paper you can either fight tyson or pose and play girl which one are you doing fight tyson or pose and play girl yeah um i mean i probably have to run it by the wife if she had an issue with it if she wasn't quite i listen i'm not trying to get the face cracked in or i could take a dive no no no no i'm very pro just let me know if you're gonna do it because i gotta i gotta throw a couple bets in here but i i'm i'm pro dive if you want to go that way i gotta check i gotta check in with the you know the missus at home if the wife is all good with it you'd be confident

uh of putting it all out there for play girl i mean i don't is all good with it, you'd be confident of putting it all out there for Playgirl? I mean, I don't know how good of a lady I'd be right now as a father of three. I mean, again, dude, you'd be fine. Fortunately, I don't need to make that choice. We're going to throw a couple more hypothetical questions your way real quick.

We got a game called Answer the Internet here. Similar to kind of what we just asked you. These are questions that we've thrown at our guests or listeners throughout the years. So I'm going to start you off here. If you could make any two people fight in a no-holds-barred match, cage match, who would you pick? Any two? Like fighters? You were assuming like celebrities?

Anybody you want. You could do a fighter and someone you don't like. You could do anyone. Anyone. Or two boxers. Or your dream matchup. A Trump and Biden fight? There you go.

They almost had it already. I think they were talking about having a push-up contest with each other. They'd both legitimately just die. Whoever wins is president. It would probably be better than the debates. Just let those two old guys roll around for a little while, which everyone doesn't die.

That's the president I came to mind. What would your awkward Jeopardy interview story be? And now I have two in mind for you, but I want to hear what yours is. When they come back from Jeopardy interview story B. And now I have two in mind for you, but I want to hear what yours is. Wait, awkward. You know, like when they, when they come back from commercial on Jeopardy and they're like,

let's meet the contestants. And they always have like some goofy little like tidbit story. What would you tell? Sure. I mean, you've got a lot to pick from, man. You've got a lot of good ones. I'll give you the two I was thinking of that I've, I know about you. That would make a pretty interesting story. One, you almost overslept an interview

with Barack Obama. That's true. Two, involves a Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland. Both are true. Let's talk Obama first. We'll get into Pirates of the Caribbean in a second.

People don't know. A, how do you almost sleep through that? B, what's it like when, like I said, you go from like A.C. Slater or this Kids Incorporated thing back in the day to chopping it up with Barack Obama? That's got to be a moment for you, huh? Yeah, I mean, that's the great thing about doing my job, getting to talk to all these amazing people. I'm a big fan of entertainment,

so I get excited when I talk to people from certain TV shows, movies, what have you, from music that I admire. Sometimes it bleeds over in the politics. So I've gotten to interview President Bush, President Obama, President Trump, a whole bunch of times, ironically, before he was president.

Yeah, right, of course. Because of the celebrity apprentice or what have you. But the reason the Obama thing happened, I was staying at a hotel, and my phone had died. And I didn't have my charger because my buddy was in the other room. So I called, you know, you call down, hey, I need to wake up and give me a follow up, like whatever it was, 715. And I called like a bunch of times to make sure. And I got there late. So it was like the overhead person, whatever.

They didn't put it in the system. I overslept, and they were banging on my door. I'm like, oh, times to make sure and I got there late so it was like the overhead person whatever they didn't put it in the system I overslept and they were banging on my drum like oh my god we were running so I ended up barely making it but I look like a hot mess getting it how mad would you have been at that local like that like that you know the dude working the desk that day does not realize how big of a deal it was to not get that wake-up call in and I didn't want to be like yo yo, I'm about to interview the president. Right. Yeah, yeah. This guy's crazy. So that's a true story. And then he was super cool, by the way.

Yeah, he seems like a cool cat. Super cool and gracious with his time. And then the – And you bang somebody on the Pirates of the Caribbean. You know, when you're a teenager, you try to do it wherever you can. See, that's what I'm jealous of. I don't think – I've never really done it in public. And doing it on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride is legend. That's crazy.

Pirates of the Caribbean, first of all, is a very long ride. Second of all, it's very, very dark in there. And then when it wasn't crowded, sometimes they give you your own boats. That's what I was wondering. So you were alone. It wasn't like you were right next to someone. Well, yeah, sometimes they give you your own boats. That's what I was wondering. So you were alone. It wasn't like you were right next to someone. Well, yeah, it was like people were right there. Got to be next level.

Put on a real show for everyone. Like, oh, you think an animatronic Jack Sparrow is cool? Watch this. You have to watch AC Slater. Fuck. What else? What would be two examples of your living hell? My living hell?

Yeah. Things where you're just like, get me out of here. Every time, I mean, whenever I don't get to eat, it's like a living hell. Okay. Yeah, we were just saying the other day how addiction gets a real bad rap, but I'm just straight up addicted to food. Every day I need it. If I don't get food, I go through withdrawals. I'm a big foodie. how like people addiction gets a real bad rap but i'm just straight up addicted to food every day i need it if i don't get food i get it i go through withdrawals i'm a big i'm a big foodie so i don't

know i mean i get pretty angry what's your uh what's your death row meal oh i love this question so i thought about it a lot so i'm gonna start off i'm gonna start off having this um this mariscos like this mexican cocktail this shrimp dish that I love with some good carne asada tacos. After that, then a big bowl of this particular pasta that I like from this certain restaurant. You're going to die. With some fried Oreos.

I don't know why all those little things, just like when I'm craving, I get cravings for all those different little things. You are a foodie because you just went into the zone, dude. You started looking down. You were visualizing that meal, man. You went in. Okay. If you could open a school of life to teach actual valuable

things, what would the first class be? First class would be finance and how to monitor your resources. And I don't think we, well, we're not taught at all, especially the public schools that I grew up going to. The importance of money, I think sometimes people are either embarrassed or shamed or don't want to talk about it or they find it taboo. But I think you need to – or we need to educate people on the value of money in and of itself and how to budget it and how to balance a checkbook and how to write a – pay a bill

and how to – and those sorts of things that are just applicable in life and simple things like that, I think could be very, very, very useful. Cash rules, man, cash rules. Got to know how to handle your money. And I mean,

not for you anymore. You got too much of it. You know, you don't have to worry about it. Yeah. I heard the best way to handle it is to give me some. Yeah. Hey,

I actually, I have, that's what my financial advisor told me. He said, ask celebrities for money. That's the best way. I had a running thing. I used to do with all my guests.

I kind of fell off. I think I'm going to reinstate it with you now. Can you give me $50,000? I used to just ask every guest for 50K. Maybe it'll work one day. What do you think? You know what? If you were a candidate in the political field

and needed a contribution, you have my confidence. I would contribute it in that. It's funny you say that. I'm running for a local spot in my neighborhood uh yeah council yeah all right last question here would you rather give up the world has to give up all sports or all women well i'm married now player so well no but then you know what like she's gone too bro oh she's gone i don't. Oh, she's gone too? I don't know.

All women. I'm just thinking on my feet here. Oh, man. You know what's funny is that during this time, especially, and obviously I love sports, but during this time with the pandemic and everything, you kind of got used to not having sports for a minute. Yeah, right. So you're like, whoa. So life does go on.

Right. Yeah. I don't like it as much but um i think you can acclimate without women life would be tough yeah it's not you know how can you go on the pirates of the caribbean without a girl you know what i mean like i got two boys now so now i gotta you know and then they're good looking boys so i gotta i gotta get them prepared you gotta keep to keep them from Disneyland. I'm going to get them those annual passes. Well said, man. We really appreciate the time, dude. The new movie is Feliz Navidad.

We've got the November 23rd on Lifetime. We've got the Saved by the Bell reboot. Access Hollywood. Access this. Access your mother. Access everything. What's your tequila's name? Casa Mexico.

Casa Mexico. Casa Mexico. Drink the booze, watch the shows. I'm going to go home and get a bottle of Casa Mexico. I'm going to get an ab roller, and I'll be Mario Lopez by the next day. I'm going to do that egg challenge I saw you doing. There you go. Adrian Gonzalez challenged me to that.

That's right. That's me in a nutshell right there. Abs and tequila? Pretty good market to corner, Mario. I'm not working out in tequila. Thanks a lot, man. Much continued success, all right? Thank you so much.

Have a good one. Standing in line to see the show tonight And there's a light on, heavy glow By the way I tried to say I'd be there waiting for Danny the girl singing songs to me

beneath the marquee overload We'll be right back. Beat that neck but not the way that we play Salt town Road back Real cage Salt town Standing in line to see the show tonight And there's a light on Heavy glow By the way I try to stay I'll be there

Waiting for Danny the girl who sing a song to me beneath the mark of a sword. By the way I tried to say I know you from before. Standing in line to see the show tonight And there's a light on, heavy glow By the way I tried to say I'd be there Waiting for