KFC Radio - Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Bringing Back Franklin & Bash, and When To Bring a Toothbrush

Episode Date: January 15, 2019

Mark-Paul Gosselaar (32:35) talks about adapting The Passage Trilogy for TV on FOX, how Saved By The Bell wasn't really that great for his career, whether he agrees with the "Zack Morris Is Trash" video, if a Saved By The Bell reboot is ever going to happen, if the cast still gets along, and he he wasn't cool in high school, and plays Marry-Fuck-Kill with Kelly Kapowski, Jesse Spano, and Lisa Turtle. Also, we agree to co-produce the Franklin & Bash movie.  After the interview (49:05) we lay out the plan to get Franklin & Bash movie off the ground. Voicemails include: FInger Licking, Boner pee, Bringing your toothbrush to her house, and How Many Arms Do You WantYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Today's episode of KFC Radio is brought to you by New Amsterdam Vodka. If you are a Pats hater, you're going to need it. I'm going to need something to get you through the next few weeks. Take the edge off, enjoy a nice beverage, and forget about the fact that the Patriots are going to win the Super Bowl. They are. I can't believe people thought Patriots are going to win the Super Bowl. They are. I can't believe people thought that game was going to be close.

No, I didn't think it was going to be close, but I didn't think it was going to be bad. Well, most people did. Most people thought that game was going to be bad. Most people in Boston, too. I'm not just saying the world's full of haters. People in Boston, too, just thought the Patriots weren't a good football team. And they thought the Chargers were. Like, the Chargers, man.

I don't care what the roster says. I don't care what the record says. I don't care what you say. Like, the Chargers, man. I don't care what the roster says. I don't care what the record says. I don't care what you say. It's the Chargers, dude. It's Philip Rivers going to New England. Philip, before the game, Ken Jack was getting mad at me because I was listing useless stats, such as Philip Rivers is 0-7 against the Patriots.

And 0-8 now. And Philip Rivers is 1-5 in career games in freezing temperatures. And Tom Brady was 37-2. Those are useless stats. I don't know. They feel pretty important, man. Feel pretty useful. I think I could use them.

Feel like they might be slightly predictive of what's about to happen. I certainly could use a new Amsterdam vodka. Just give it to me straight. Just give it to me on the rocks. You don't even want espresso martinis because you don't want to stay awake. Yeah, no. I'm all for espresso. I need to be able to sleep, and I need to be able to get through these next few weeks.

That's what New Amsterdam's going to do. It's great tasting vodka that can be used with mixers. It can be drank straight. And it's got the three times distilled and the science behind it all. I don't know how it works. All I know is that when I pour myself a nice cocktail with some New Amsterdam vodka, I enjoy myself. I'm feeling good.

It tastes good. And it gets me through the tough times. Good on you. It's not funny. New Amsterdam vodka. Go get yourself a nice cocktail. I hate you so much. Well, you know, it happened.

It's like. I'll say this. I'll say this. I think the Chiefs game will be a little closer. I sincerely hope so. I think it will. The Chiefs are funny because, you know, we talked here about Andrew Luck and the Colts and this, that, the other thing.

And then it's like I almost, you know, I definitely forgot about Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs. You know, as soon as that game was a blowout, I was like, oh, yeah. Well, there's a reason why they were like a billion and two and they were fucking killing it. You know what I mean? Yeah, but the Colts also just had, the Colts played 10 straight games either in perfect weather or in a dome. They're a dome team.

They're a dome team. They had to go outside for the first time all season. Didn't do too well. Didn't happen. Didn't happen for them. Patriots enjoy playing outside. Yeah. So you got to get ready for that.

It is just a difference, though, that they're not in New England. Like if the Chiefs are trying to come up with something to hang their hat on, at least they're not. I'll say this, too. I was just listing, you know, the predictive stats that Ken Jack thought were useless. Brady's 1-5, I think, in his career at Arrowhead. So that's something to be concerned with. No doubt.

I mean, it's more like I don't think it really matters, but I think it's just like if you're at Gillette, you're going to lose. So you just lose that. It's like we can take that off the board. It's not an automatic, you know. I don't think it's going to be that much of a problem for Brady and Belichick, but at least you can't put it in fucking stone. And the Chiefs offensive line, I mean, the Chiefs defensive line was on.

They were on luck every single play. But the charges were on Lamar Jackson every single play last week. Yeah. Didn't happen. I don't know if Tom Brady touched the ground yesterday. He wasn't even touched. So we'll see. We'll see.

I think that the Colts and Andrew, Andy Reed. Andrew Reed. Andrew. Mr. Andrew Reed. I don't think a. Imagine if he went by Drew. I don't think he's too excited to have Belichick come to town. I don't think a first year quarterback is too excited to have Bill Belichick come to town. I think.

Listen. I think things are going to be pretty good. I think. You know what? Thanks to all the stuff we've been doing with the Super Bowls. We go. It's fun. I never get to talk to Patriots players because they're too busy preparing for the game.

A lot of NFL players roll through. We had Edelman last year because he was hurt, but he's going to be busy this year. It'll be a fun trip anyway, but I never get to talk to my guys. And once again, just a reminder that in the history of the universe, there's only been one quarterback to roll up through New England in the playoffs and win. He is the one and only, the Sanchez. Just so you know.

Just to remember, just to recall, he rolled through there and did it. It happened, no doubt. And you know what I hated yesterday, too? People bitching that the Chargers had to come here. Gotta come to Boston. Win your fucking division you don't have to. So goddamn annoying. Win your division. Rules are rules. Win your division

you don't have to come to New England. I do think there's an argument to be made for just once you make the playoffs. It's just record, so. No. Nope. Win your division. You should have a reward for winning your division. Your reward is you get to play at home. Yeah, except if your division's not good. Your division. How about the Patriots

have played the best division since 2000? They haven't, come on. I mean, they have. No, they haven't. But they have. The AFC is not the best division, and you know it. Since the year 2000, yes, it is.

No, it's not. It's because of the Patriots. Nope. You dumb motherfuckers. Guess what? Not even counting the Patriots. Take the Patriots out of this. It doesn't matter. Take the division winner in. Whatever numbers you want to throw me. Take the Patriots. Nope. You dumb motherfuckers. Guess what? Not even counting the Patriots. Take the Patriots out of this. It doesn't matter.

Take the division winner in. Whatever numbers you want to throw me. Take the division winner. Take the division winner out of every division since the year 2000. The number one ranked division with the best winning percentage is the AFC East. If you. That is a fact. I'm just giving you a fact.

They have a 476 winning percentage. That's the best winning percentage of any division in the NFL, not counting the division winner. Let me tell you something. If you're going to run around here as a Patriots fan and that's going to be your argument, you have so many other arguments to make. Don't tell me that the division with the Jets and the Bills. Kevin, I'm not telling you anything. The best other team being the Dolphins.

Just don't do it. I'm not telling you the division. I'm just telling you the facts. I'm just telling you the facts. Don't even do that. Don't even tell me that fact. Don't even do that. I'm not making an argument. I'm just reading stats to you. They have the best division. Don't do it. I'm not telling you the best division. I'm just telling you the facts. I'm just telling you the facts. Don't even do that. Don't even tell me that fact. Don't even do that. I'm not making an argument.

I'm just reading stats to you. They have the best division. Don't do it. Not talent division leader. Don't do it. And then you want to add the Patriots to that. Oh, my God. They're far and away the best division.

But you take the Patriots out, they're still the best division. Since the year 2000. I'm not going to do it. 4.76 winning percentage. I'm not going to do it. I'll give you. I'm sure if you go, if you dig in like year by year and you look at like, all right, there was a year where like the Dolphins won 11 games.

But the, you know, the year, the next year after that, everybody won like four games. So what I, I'm sure there's a way to, uh, I guarantee there's a way to make the AFC East look like trash because it is so. Okay. Let's see. Since the year 2000, AFC East, 457 winning percentage.

NFC East, 451. NFC South, 439. AFC North, 425. AFC South, 422. AFC West, 420. NFC North, 417. NFC West, 401. That's during the Patriots' reign of terror.

The AFC East has the highest winning percentage, not counting their division leader. But I'm just saying, if you go year by year, I'm sure there was several seasons where— But you can do that with every division. I don't think you can because I don't think there's any division that has— But, Kevin, I'm reading you facts. I know, but that's like a since 2000 sort of thing. I'm sure there are years— But every year people tell me, oh, yeah, it must be nice to get to play at home every

year when you're in the worst division. Because I'm sure there's a year where the rest of the division won like six games. And I'm sure there's a dad that in every single division. I don't know if there is because there's teams like the Jets and the Bills in this division. Very, very, very bad franchise. Okay, so like. I'm sure there are bad teams in every division. There are terrible franchises in every single division.

There's not like historically bad. You want to go to AFC North, you can go fucking Bengals and Browns. Yeah, and that's another one. But I'm saying there are historically bad teams in their division. When the best you have. There are historically bad teams in every single division. I don't know about it. I mean, there's a reason why the Jets and the Bills are the biggest laughingstocks in all of football.

I don't think they are. I mean, they're pretty fucking close. They're pretty close, but I would argue the Bengals and Browns are bigger. So there's one. That's your Steelers and Ravens division.'s the they're they're the guys who complain every year that we have the easy division you get their fucking bangles and browns they're not great not great but i just if i was a patriots fan i would never be running around making that argument i just it's so many it's the only argument people try and make is that we have a bad division so we

have to take that one out too but But you should just say that's yes. You should just be like, yeah. I'm not going to agree to facts just to appease you. I'm going to agree to non-facts just to appease you. But it is a fact. That's why we win 14 games every year. Because we beat the shit out of everyone who's bad. We have a better record against every single division but the AFC East.

Right. So say that. Don't tell me that the AFC East is good. I'll tell you a bunch of them. Tell me that I beat everybody. Don't tell me the AFC East is good. Yeah say that. Don't tell me that the AFC East is good. I'll tell you a bunch of them. Tell me that the rest I beat everybody. Don't tell me the AFC East is good. Yeah, we beat everybody. This is just not. The Dolphins, Bills, and Jets

are not good football teams, period. Since 2000 during the Patriots reign of terror, it is the best division in football. That's the best winning percentage. There's a difference. They win the most games. I call that the best division. I don't. They win the most games. I definitely don't. I think that there's... As a Patriots fan, I'll tell you, winning football games makes you a good team.

And if you win the most games, I'm going to call you the best division. And losing football games and being year-in, year-out absolute disgraces. But they're not year-in, year-out. This started with you saying Sanchez is the only guy to come in and win. So it's not year in, year out. It's like 15 out of 17. It's not 15 out of 17. How are you just ignoring these facts that they have the highest

winning percentage? I'm just saying that there are probably years where the Dolphins win 11 games and Castle and the Patriots are on the outside looking in. There's probably a year where all three other teams were absolutely fucking garbage. So there are years where the Patriots have a complete cakewalk. There are years where the teams are better than other ones there is. So there are years where the Patriots have a complete cakewalk. There are years where the teams are better than other ones.

Right. So there are times where the Patriots, you look at whatever year it may be, top to bottom, they're like, we don't have to worry about anyone in our division. That happens frequently in the AFC East because there's several pitchers. Any division, you go to those games. I don't know about that. I don't know about all the other divisions. I just know that there are years where it's like, the Dolphins, Bills, and Jets have absolutely no shot.

That year's never happened because every single offseason I'm told that this is the Jets' year, this is the Bills' year, this is the Brent Dolphins' year. Right, and it never proves to be true because the AFC used to be so bad. Because the Patriots are so good.

Right, sure. Because on paper, that team, on paper, there's always a team that's like, wait, these are the guys that beat the Patriots this year. And then they play the Patriots

and it's like, whoops, never mind. That's exactly how bad it is. Every time that they're like, this team is good on paper, they can't perform because they're historically bad. Because they play Bill Belichick and the Patriots and it's like, whoops, never mind. That's exactly how bad it is. Every time that they're like, this team is good on paper, they can't perform because they're historically bad. Because they play Bill Belichick in the Patriots. Sure. Probably twice a year doesn't help,

but there's a reason why they can't beat anybody year in and year out because they're laughing so hard. The AFC East is a product of the New England Patriots. The Patriots are not a product of the AFC East. I think it's probably somewhere in the middle. I don't think so. It's like they get to just beat up on the AFC East. I mean, they beat up on other teams more.

Sure. Again, that's the argument to make. Don't tell me the AFC East is good. I just made these stats. Because I know it think so. It's like they get to just beat up on the AFCs. I mean, they beat up on other teams more. Sure. Again, that's the argument to make. Don't tell me the AFCs is good. I just made these stats. Because I know it's not. Like, I know you know that if you look at the Dolphins, the Bills, and the Jets, you don't think that's a good division. But I'm just reading your stats. I know, but I know that you have a brain and you would say those football teams stink.

They win football games. I'm not going to say a football team that wins football games is a bad football team. I can't believe you would actually say that that that you think that those football teams are good that's almost i think i think they're i think they're better than they get credit for that's crazy they're the only team to come in and win underrated football teams the bills and the jets i i think the dolphin i think i i think that when you're constantly told they're tomato cans and then you look at the actual numbers and they win then yes i think you're underrated underrated. If you're constantly told they're bad and they win, they're underrated. That's the definition of underrated.

Okay. You got it, John. Patriots fans are crazy, man. You guys, it's like you spend, like you would spend more time talking about the AFCs being good rather than just being like, we're fucking the Patriots. We are the fucking Patriots, but we are one argument. The one argument people were making was that the Patriots should have had to go to Los Angeles because they had a worse record.

We have a tough division. Yeah, it's crazy. Facts are facts. You guys are crazy. Facts are facts. To have a dynasty and worry about those things is nuts. Well, you have to find things to worry about. I wouldn't.

When you win every football game, you have to find things. You have to pick arguments. You have to find things to worry about. This is what I'm worried about today. I'm not worried about the Chiefs. I'm worried about this. Don't. I don't know why you feel the need to do that. It's like, you almost diminish what you have by arguing about the dumbest little things

because it's like you can't. It's the one thing people are arguing about. It's the one people are telling me. I want to tell those people they're wrong. wouldn't you rather just be like laughing at the people throwing rocks at the throne rather than sit here and try to argue that the jets bills and dolphins are good i enjoy this that's crazy because you you guys end up sounding stupid it's like if you i mean yeah i'm telling you two plus two equals four if that sounds stupid then stoop down i'm just i'm just telling you numbers kevin i know yeah i get that but i'm just like you you make it seem you diminish what the Patriots have done by almost concerning yourself with these things.

I concern myself with arguments people make at me. People telling me things. Exactly that. You are above all of this. I'm not above petty arguments. Don't you put that evil on me. I am not above petty arguments. Because there are people like me, there are fans of shitty teams that have

to do this. Yeah, and I want to tell you you're wrong about this too. And you get in the mix when it's like I want to do, you're trying to say you'll beat the Patriots, I'll tell you you're wrong about that. Now you're trying to say the Patriots aren't good, I'll tell you you're wrong about that too. Right. Those two things, yes. Don't tell me that my football team is good. Well, you told me your football team is going to beat me this year. Like, you guys, you guys

every single year I get the fans of these teams telling me, we're good, we'll beat you this year. Okay, you guys every single year i get the fans of these teams i mean we're good we'll beat you this year okay you're wrong and then when the year ends and i'm gonna go you guys are wrong about this too you're wrong about everything right because i want to make sure bad franchise i want to make sure you know you're wrong about everything because we're bad franchise i mean if you want to call yourself a bad franchise that's fine i'm trying to give you a little bit of credit here. Say you're a better team than you think. Most definitely a bad franchise. If you wish. Hey, that's a fact. Those are facts.

Jets, bad football team. It's a joke of a franchise, no doubt, but you win more football games than you give yourself credit for. I guess so. Somehow, someway. I don't know how it happens. Somehow. You have to play a really good football team twice a year, so when you play the other ones, it's easier. I guess that's it.

Even the Jets can win a couple football games because they play in the AFCs, which is a trash division. A good division, yeah. No, they win because it's a bad division. But they win outside the division because they're used to playing. They practice against a fucking really good team. We get a couple against the Bills. They always got that going.

It's outside division. It's not playing the Bills. Yeah. I guess so. I know so that going. It's outside division. It's not playing the Bills. Yeah. I guess so. I know so. I just read it to you. Let's get into Pete Davidson's dick. You think that Pete Davidson

never does the wristwatch trick with his dick? I guess not. He doesn't have a big dick. Well, he says he has a slightly above average dick, which is a big dick. If you're ever saying the phrase

above average, you got a big dick. Yeah, like an above average football team which is a big dick. If you're ever saying the phrase above average, you got a big dick. Yeah, like an above average football team. So he would imagine, like, if you can get yourself a movement watch, like the rest of us, we probably can't wrap our wrists around our dick. I know, I can't. At the very most, it would end up looking like a little. I mean, not all the way around.

I can give you, like, I'll bury half of it in me, and you can't see half. Pete's got, like, a bracelet on bury half of it in me and you can't see half. Pete's just, Pete's got like a bracelet on. He wraps it around a few times. The rest of us with a below average dicks can go get yourself a movement watch. Just put a regular wrist watch on your hand. You don't need to do your dick. You can get it for just 95 bucks. They look like they're 400, $500.

Better than a dick wrist watch. Better than a dick party trick. People definitely like the, I mean, the500. Better than a dick wristwatch. Better than a dick party trick. People definitely like an MVMT watch more than a penis around a wrist. I would. You want to impress a girl? Okay, put on an MVMT watch, not your penis. There's a lot of good things to say.

We're going to set the bar pretty low. These watches are better than a dick wrapped around your wrist. New styles, new bands, new colors. They've got the different products to go with it. Sunglasses, got accessories left and right. You can match it. You can put together a nice outfit with a nice accent to make yourself look sharp today. Go to MVMT.com

slash KFC. You get 15% off. You get free shipping, free returns. And join the movement today. MVMT.com slash KFC. So Pete Davidson is doing some new material, and I guess People Magazine also picked it up, where he's mad at Ariana. So we talked about it with Kate Beckinsale,

saying that Ariana Grande gave him the greatest assist of all time, just lobbed the alley-oop to him, because the only way that Pete Davidson is seen leaving anywhere with Kate Beckinsale has to be because of the time, just lob the alley-oop to him. Because the only way that Pete Davidson is seen leaving anywhere with Kate Beckinsale has to be because of the information Ariana Grande has put out there. So I don't know. So we got a DM from someone who just saw his latest act. And then People Magazine is writing about, yeah, so this is the same thing.

So he performed at the Tarrytown Music Hall. So people picked it up, and we had our fan DMing us. And he said, I don't like that she talked all this shit from my penis, saying that she's got such tiny hands that everything is huge to her. Why would she tell everyone that I have a huge penis so that every girl who sees my dick for the rest of my life is disappointed? So, and I'm sure people can't exactly say this, but the DM we got said that he says he has a slightly above average dick

and he describes it as as big as the smallest blacks. So People Magazine ain't going to tell you that one. You can quote that one here from KFC Radio. Pete Davidson says he has the biggest of the small black dicks. The smallest of the big black dicks. Small black dicks are jarring, man. I've seen a

pornography or two with a less-hidden-down African-American gentleman, and it's always like, oh, you poor fella. You do like the puppy, you turn your head like, huh, something's wrong there. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. If it's painted that color, it should be this size.

Just makes you scratch your head. It's like seeing a small brick house. Those are made for mansions. Why you got a two-bedroom brick house? What's the point of that fucking thing? Yeah, this is just inefficient. This is just, you did it wrong. Just backwards, start over.

Yeah, like a stone masonry work on a one-bedroom house in the ghetto. Yeah. Like, that's a castle. Why are you using a castle outside when it's not that size? It's like if you're hood rich. You got a nice car and your house is shitty. You know what I mean? These things just aren't matching up.

That's got to be a tough hand to be dealt. Black guy with a small dick. I would imagine it's not a great one. And that's exactly the issue Pete Davidson's dealing with. Where he's outwardly, everyone is expecting him to have an average penis. But again, he's saying he has an above average penis and he's in the discussion with other black guys. But I would not be impressed if I went home with Pete Davidson. If I went home and he had an above average dick,

I'd be like, it was a shit. No, see, you and the women out there, that's not fair. Yeah, because if I saw Pete Davidson's dick and it's slightly above average, I'm like, fuck that. What, he just needs to be like 10 inches for you? Yeah, yeah.

That's what I've been told it is. It's got to live up to its lore. So if someone says he has a big penis, I guess the thing is she's been like She has a huge penis Exactly, she's like it's huge She said 10 inches If it's less than 10 inches

Wait, wait, wait, did she ever say 10? She tweeted it Oh, 9 I think, 9 Okay Someone tweeted her Someone tweeted her How long is Pete Davidson? Asking about the song length

And she said about 9 inches But don't you think that that's probably like I think you gotta always Take into account a little like about the song length. Right, right. And she said about nine inches. But don't you think that that's probably like, I think you gotta always take into account a little exaggeration. She's kind of making a joke. I don't think people take that into account. If Pete Davidson has a seven inch dick, that's a big dick, come on.

But it's a disappointing dick. See, we said Ariana's the greatest. I think both things can be true. She can be the greatest X hooking up. Because you're right. Beckinsale doesn't go home. But do you want to take Kate Beckinsale home when you get there? Under false pretense.

When you get there, she's like, I wish I could come home with you. Yes, I do. Yeah, I mean, yeah, obviously. If the phrase starts with, do you want to take Kate Beckinsale home? The answer is yes. And you have to get set on fire and eaten alive by bees afterwards. The answer is still yes. But both things are true. true he can be like i'm disappointing every girl i take home so so grande might be like all women just a goddamn fucking she's playing a long time just

a genius maniac well it's not like what pete davidson is gonna be now is the greatest and easiest and most prolific one night stand have her of all time. He's never going to like leave these girls. Cause I am. I'm also getting the impression that if you're walking away with the only feedback being like, well, it's not as big as what she said.

You also probably didn't throw down either. Like if you got like a seven inch dick and you also tear it up, I don't think anyone's complaining. If you walk out just going, well, huh? Ariana Grande, I said it it was bigger that probably means your performance also wasn't exactly stellar such a mean thing to say yeah i mean so yeah you're right you're right so pete he's gonna get all these girls to go well i don't know now that the cat's fucking dicks out of the bag here maybe maybe some people won't be you know as curious because we kind of know the answer

but pete's gonna be able to take these girls home, full well-knowing as he's, like, sitting in the Uber being like, she's going to be disappointed. And then that affects your performance? So that's why, again, maybe Ariana Grande is just next level. It wouldn't surprise me. She looks like a girl who's next level. She looks like Regina George.

She does. She was Regina George in the music video for this. She was. Actually, we should have known this was coming. She was Regina George while she was writing this in a music video. Huge. In the book and everything. As she's writing that, she's probably like, you can't see her face while you see it because

it's behind her. She's probably like, you motherfucker. You're fucked for the rest of your U-U-G-E. You are. The rest of your life, you're fucked. You're only going to have sex, keep back in sale once. It's like, listen, I know this guy is going to get all sorts of runoff, scrap, pussy because of me. I'm going to make sure it's one time and one time only.

He's never going to find love again. He can fuck other girls, that's fine. He's never going to find love again. What vindictive, vindictive language. All right. Here's a question for you. Would you sign for a seven-inch dick right now under the, like, pretense that everyone thinks is 10?

No. Because, like, yeah. Because if you have yourself a good boner day, because it happens. You know, there's good dick days and bad dick days. I feel like most of the time, once you're fully at attention, it's the same size. You pretty much max out where you max out. You only fit so much blood in the penis. Pretty much.

But there's that, you know, there's the, you can have a good dick day when you're like three quarters. Sometimes it's like great. Other times it's like retreating inside of your balls. So if I have a good dick day and I'm impressing a person who sees it, it's probably better than if it's actually bigger, but you're coming in with disappointment. I would agree. It's really all about expectation and whether you meet or exceed or fall short of the expectations.

Pete Davidson is forever falling short of expectations. That's fucked. 99% of the world, probably 99% if you have a 7 inch dick, you are like girls are fucking thrilled. Not Pete Davidson. He's like, you know what he is? That's some shit. He always say

to keep the bar low. The bar is set really high for him. Right, right, but like the fact know what he is? That's some shit. He always say to keep the bar low. Yeah. The bar is set really high for him. Right, right. But like the, the fact that the bar is high enough that like, he's basically, a seven inch dick ain't enough is a fucking high,

thick, girthy bar. Pete, Pete Davidson's dick is William Wallace, but he can't fight like William Wallace. Like he's, talk to talk. He's,

he's got his dick, you know, he's seven feet tall and shoots fireballs out of his arse. But Dick doesn't do that. But like William Wallace, at least when he got to the battlefield could still fight. Right, he backed it up. Some people would be like, okay, you know, he's not he's not what people said he was, but he's still

a pretty impressive man here. Pete Davidson sounds like. See, and that's the difference is I think if Pete could throw down, then seven plus throw down equals nine. Seven plus meh equals nah. But I understand being nervous in that sense. William Wallace didn't get scared. But little Pete, he does.

I mean, you know, he's very much in his own head. He's self-admittedly with all the mental health stuff. I'm sure he's not rolling in there being like, I'm a fool. You got to have three old fashions, four old fashions. Yeah, for real. I guarantee you, by the way, that that is. Oh, he can't. Is he sober?

Or is he just. I don't know, but maybe he should have a couple. Yeah. I guarantee. I don't think he's sober. He could be seven inches long. But you know that's a weird looking dick. You know it's got like his eyes.

The butthole head. Yeah, like the tip of it is butthole eyes. It's probably like a gray color. Right? Don't you think that? He's like a weird looking vampire type. It's probably like meat that he left out for a little too long. No!

Like hamburger meat out. Yes! No! Yeah, when it turns that gray color. Gray and pink. Pete Davis and Dick looks like left out hamburger meat. No! Might even be wrinkly like it too.

I don't want to talk about it. It's so gross. But bro, it's been inside Kate Beckinsale. And Ariana Grande. And probably countless others at this point. I'm sure those are the high profile ones. I'm sure he's just running through whatever he wants right now. So at the end of the day, so would you sign for a relationship with, let's say, a fling with Ariana Grande?

You're not getting money or anything like that out of it. I like how they went from an engagement to a fling. It's accurate. It's a fling. It's a fling with a ring. That's all they had. Would you sign for that to elevate your stature and all that kind of shit? But you're disappointing every girl you ever go home with for the rest of the time.

Yeah, probably. I'll tell you why I'm signing for it because I'm disappointed in him anyway. Exactly. And he's also financially benefiting from this as well. Right. And people get mad at him, at least Ariana Grande fans. Like, he's always talking about it. That's what artists do. Yeah.

That's what, I mean, he's an artist in comedy. Artists talk about their love. Taylor Swift. Ariana Grande wrote a goddamn song about it. But even more so. You profit off your emotions. Even more so. Like, you dated, you married, whatever.

You dated a comedian who's a commoner. You step down to the plebeian level. He's going to talk about it. But so is she. I know, but they'll do it in a way that's through a song or whatever. Very controlled with their team and their interviews. A-listers kind of have this, all right, this is how we operate. And you stoop down to a guy who's going to go on with Jimmy Fallon.

That shit was crazy, huh? I was talking to Aaron Grande. He's going to be one of the boys about it because that's who you got involved with. So it's like he crossed the border to A-list for a minute and got all their information. He came back to the regular world. He's like a mole. What list is he then? I would say he jumped a letter.

I think he's B. I was going to say whether you think it went from d to c c to c to b i think he was probably d i think he went d you think he jumped to i think there are i think because he's very mainstream now like i always do the parent test yeah you know yeah what they know like d listers most parents don't know d listers right most parents know b listers and most parents know who p Davidson is at this point. I'll say this. I think he needs to—I hope that he's, like, killing it right now with his set. It should be a really, really good time for Pete Davidson to have, like, a monster set to do. You know? Because right now he is well-known, but it's like—it's like Kardashian fame, almost. It's like gossipy fame, where it's like you're not actually doing anything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's like you don't have anything to back it up. You just know him because of tabloids and interviews and Ariana Grande don't talk shit on the Kardashians

they're the most talented people on the planet well their talent they're the most they are better at being famous than anybody

on the planet they're the best marketers in the world so Pete needs to do one of two things he needs to be Kardashian and figure out a way to keep this 15 minutes

going for 15 years the way they have or he needs to just kill it at SNL and on the standup stage. Right. So, and I'll tell you what,

you're standing up there saying my dick is the littlest of the blacks. I think that's a good joke. I think you're going to go places, kid. Keep, and I mean, can you, what he,

he actually has the perfect setup to be the most like intriguing celebrity comedian ever because he can be, again, like I said, a regular-ass dude. And granted, you have to do it in a tactful, polite way. But if that guy, who seems to be one of the boys, can get up there and just do a set about going home with Kate Beckinsale, I would be on the edge of my seat listening. You know what I mean? Again, you have to do it so you don't seem like a scumbag airing people out.

But if an average dude goes home with Kate Beckinsale and can do a comedy set about that, You know what I mean? Again, you have to do it so you don't seem like a scumbag airing people out. But if an average dude goes home with Kate Beckinsale and can do a comedy set about that, I would be howling. I think you can air people out. I think you can do it in an attackful way. You can do it in an attackful way, but I think as long as it's funny. The two of the most famous pop stars in the world are Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande. They consistently air people out. They do it to a nice beat, and the lyrics are nice. Yeah, but comedy usually tends to be...

It's a little more crass, but as long as the joke's funny, you can air someone out. It's got to be very self-deprecating, which is kind of what he's doing. If you can do a whole bit about how Kate Beckinsale was disappointed with your dick, that's fucking fun. Who's next, Pete? Just keep running through them, and just keep talking about how they're disappointed in your seven inch dick that shit will put asses in the goddamn seats i promise you that yeah i'll tell you what i want to go see pete's next stand-up i don't know whether you're gonna say his dick i don't know if he's dick too yeah and we just do pete burke reicher takes his shirt off pete david should take his pants off be like you imagine He was just like, you know what?

You guys want to just see it? You want to just get this out in the open? Let's just do this. He just took his pants off. He just did his act like Donald Duck with his fucking shirt on, his dick out. Louis C.K. is listening to this podcast. Genius!

Genius! Definitely! We should start that. I was workshopping that idea in hotels. That's all. That's all I was doing. We have Zach Morris on the program. Mark Paul Gosselaar.

It's very interesting stuff. We talk about Saved by the Bell Life, Zach Morris, everything, but we got work to do now. Frank Cunabash fans, Zach Morris fans, we took it upon ourselves to go on a crusade here to save entertainment,

and we're going to do just that. I wish we had about like an hour with Mark Paul. That's his name, Mark Paul. Mark Paul Henry. Because there's two types. You can either be very – usually you're super appreciative and happy and into your very famous typecast iconic character. And then there's some people who end up resenting it.

And usually I feel like you're kind of one or the other. And I got the vibe that Mark Paul falls somewhere in the middle, which means I want to talk for another hour about it. I want to get into the intricacies. I think what happens and I forget if we've talked about this with him or not, but right afterwards you resent it. And then eventually

once you finally get a new role, then it's like, okay, I can appreciate that now. Before he sat down and became NYPD Blue, I think he was kind of like, all right, Zack Morris was cool and you'll find out a little bit more about the timeline of it all, when it got popular, when Saved by the Bell really popped. It's, you know, it's an interesting case

because you, me, and everyone else would assume that Zack Morris retired off of being Zach Morris. And you would have thought that he was, you know, the it guy in Hollywood. It's not all it kind of seemed to be in hindsight. So I wish I could get into the fucking, like, psychology of being Zach Morris and whatnot. So it's a very intriguing and interesting case. And when we come back after this interview, we'll discuss our Franklin and Bash crusade. So, Mark Paul Gosselaar is brought

to you by SimpliSafe. Here is a stat for you, John, Mr. Stat Boy, all of a sudden. Half of us make a New Year's resolution every single year. Is it? That's the stat. SimpliSafe's got to work on that stat. And then it

just says, most of us have probably broken them. I thought it was going to be like, how many people break the stats and how many people follow through with it. Anyway, if you're going to stick to one resolution this year, it's to keep your family safe, keep your house safe, your goddamn right, Simply Safe. Home security, 24-7 home security, no contracts, no catches. They have foolproof fallbacks.

They have all sorts of security set in place. So let's say, you know, the batteries die on your alarm. Doesn't matter. Simply Safe will still keep you safe. Let's say that someone, you just drop a plate in your house and you hear the glass smash. It's not a window breaking. Simply Safe can tell the difference. You're not going to have any false alarms ruining your time. They know exactly when and how to keep your family safe, no matter what the circumstances may be. No contracts, no catches, like I said. And the contract is so huge.

It's so huge. You don't lock into anything. You know, you got three million people who are down with it. And right now, when you go to SimpliSafe.com slash KFC Radio, you can get started today. It's SimpliSafe, simply with an I, S-I-M-P-L-I, safe.com slash KFC Radio. You can get started today. It's simply safe, simply with an I S I M P L I safe.com slash KFC radio. It's police. It's fire. It's protection for you and your entire family and your house.

Simply safe.com slash KFC radio. All right. We are as serious XM. I don't know why, because they don't even have an engineer for us, but we've got Mark Paul Gosselaar. As I understand it, the world's been saying it wrong for like 25 years. Uh, just keep it rolling, man. As long as you get Mark Paul, I'm good. Gosselaar, as I understand it. The world's been saying it wrong for like 25 years.

Just keep it rolling, man. As long as you get Mark Paul, I'm good. Gosselaar, Gosselaar. I've been saying Gosselaar. Wait, wait, wait. But what is the real way? Probably the way Joe Buck's been saying it. Well, yeah, we were about to make fun of him.

No, you should make fun because it's Joe Buck. Joe and I, we've texted each other, and he's a good dude. He's been saying it right. And it's, it's funny because when he first said it to promote my show, the passage, uh, and he said it on a, on a broadcast, I think it was for a Pats game. Yeah. And my buddy, who's a diehard Pats fan, he's in, he's on the East coast. He calls me up and he's like, yo, you got to tell Joe to stop hacking your name.

I'm like, well, how did he say it? He goes, Gosselaar. And I go, dude, you've been my friend for like, you know, a decade. I go, that's the correct solution. He's like, no way. So it is Gosselaar. But you have to correct people all the time. In Dutch, it's Gosselaar.

Okay. Gosselaar. You want to go with that? Mark Paul Gosselaar. Yeah, that's what I'm going to start doing. I like that. That'll really turn on people. I already have a hard name with Mark Paul.

I was wondering if it was Mark Paul or Paul Goslop. Or MP Mark, is it Paul? You're a real pain in the ass with this name, dude. You think I'm going to start correcting people? Give me a stage name. Mark Smith or some shit. Well, they wanted that. They wanted that when I joined SAG.

They wanted to change my name, and my parents at the time decided against it. But they wanted to shorten it. See, I actually have almost the opposite story as you. When I started at Barstool, he said the only reason I got the job was Feidelberg. My last name is Feidelberg. My name is John Henry Feidelberg,

so I'm similar to you. It's a fucking disaster. But is Henry your middle name? It's Henry, yeah. But everyone calls me John Henry. I have a middle name as well. So you guys want to make

it difficult. I can make it difficult on you guys. I'm just letting you know. What's the middle? Harry. Mark, Paul. Harry.

Joselar. Joselar. Joselar. I'm going to fuck you guys up, man. I'm going to bring it all out, and you guys are going to be like, I wish the days we could go back to Gosler. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So the new show you mentioned is The Passage, which is an intense plot.

Based on a trilogy of books. Correct. And those books are huge. Right. So that's always good, right? You know you already got a rabid fan fan base going into it so that's always a nice but that's scary too i was gonna say that that could that could uh come to haunt you almost like like the joker with batman we're like you're like yeah like everyone already loves batman but

yeah the fans don't care you're screwed right but the fans know better i mean i'm one of them i'm one of those fans that i've i'm a huge fan of the books and, uh, and, and yeah, I thought that we had, we have to stay as close to the books as possible to make a good product. Um, you can't do that for a television show, unfortunately. Uh, and, and throwing it out there, we've made some changes, but the core of the story remains the same. The characters remain the same. We just had to sort of add back stories to these characters to move the plot along. Well, you say of course, but people sometimes say, well, why did you do that?

That's not in the books. And it's like, yeah, but it's a television show. So what we've done is, you know, these books are epic. We've taken the first quarter of the first book and we've made a season out of that. So there's years, hopefully. Oh, you got that money coming rolling.

I hope so. Season seven coming up so season 7 coming up season 10 coming up I want to retire I've been in this business for over 30 years yeah you have been man you have been

I didn't retire off the set by the bell shocking yeah you should've you should've well I should've if you look in hindsight

but when we were filming that show we only did 4 we did 5 seasons of it that's what's crazy we didn't know how successful that show was and it wasn't as successful

as it is now. Don't you get royalty money? The Friends people are getting like $20 million a year. We were a Saturday morning show with a bunch of kids. They didn't protect us. Hey, at least you're not Miss Bliss though, bro. She got screwed. Hayley Mills. She just got

axed after one. I think she's fine. She just got axed after one. Right? That's true. She's like, yeah, we're going to go with this kid instead. I think she's fine. She's doing all right. In retrospect, though, I mean, you should be retiring off of that because it is iconic. Well, yeah, if you look back on it. But, again, we were canceled after every season. Like, people don't understand that.

Oh, you got that Friday Night Lights treatment? Yeah. After every season, we said goodbye to each other. And we were like, okay, well, that's it. We'll see you. And then we get picked up again. again it was brandon tartikoff was the head of the network at that time and it was sort of a pet project for him and he really saw the value and having that show on saturday morning for they called him the tween audience and that's why we stayed on because primarily because brandon tartikoff liked the show and his kids were

watching it but we didn't we didn't generate generate the rabid sort of viewer until it became syndicated, which was probably three years after we ended the show in 94. So how old were you at that point? In 94, I was 19. So you're a little bit older and all of a sudden. No, wait, in 94, I would have been 20. So either way, you're pretty. Don't worry about it.

So at that point, you're 20, 19, whatever, and now all of a sudden you have mega fame off of that? No, not really. That's not the way it went. I had a hard time getting a job for a while because I played a character. A lot of people who know me know that that was a character that I produced. I wasn't popular in school. The guy that was popular in school was my version of Zach Morris, right? So that, that, that character that I played, uh, the swagger, the, the, the hair and the, you know, the, the finger pointing

and the winks and stuff, those were all just things that I picked up from watching the popular kids in my school. Also a huge, uh, uh, inspiration for me was Ferris Bueller's day off. I thought that that movie was, that was my shit back in the day, you know, watching Matthew Broderick play that character. When they told me I was going to talk to the camera, I was like, just like Matthew Broderick, just like Ferris Bueller. So I watched that movie over and over and the mannerisms and stuff. So I really had a hard time after that finding a role because I was, I was known as, as Zach Morris. I was that character. Did you kind of resent that?

Yeah, of course. At that point you do. Cause you're like, wait guys, you know, I was acting and then it wasn't until probably when I started doing say, um, NYPD Blue, when Stephen Botchko gave him my shot for that, where I played a New York detective, um, that I was starting to do roles that I, that I finally felt I was right for. It was a complete departure from anything I'd done in the past. I can see definitely hating that. Eminem won't, what song won't he do?

There's a bunch of them. Eminem won't do something. It's like the song that got you there. He won't do anything off the Marshall Mathers LP. Avril Lavigne won't do Sk8er Boi. You do that for so long because you resent that's all anyone ever wants from you.

Yeah. I don't think they resent the song as much as they resent that. The fact that someone demands it from them. Yeah. And also what it represents from their past, I guess. Maybe, you know, I don't know. Maybe they don't have good vibes because of it. But, you know, people say, well, what'd you do?

It was Saved by the Bell reboot. And the answer is, yeah, of course. If somebody came along and had a product that was good, I don't think we're above doing you know, people say, well, what'd you do? I was saved by the bell reboot. And the answer is, yeah, of course. If somebody came along and had a product that was good, I don't think we're above doing that, a good project, but no one's come up with something good. Are you aware, I'm sure you are, of the Zach Morris' trash thing? I love that. See, I don't like it.

I got your fucking back. No, fuck that. What are you talking about? What do you mean? Zach Morris wasn't trash? Yes, he was. No, he wasn't. Come mean. I got your fucking back. No, fuck that. What are you talking about? What do you mean? Zack Morris wasn't trash? Yes, he was. No, he wasn't. Come on.

If you look at that. Let's rattle through some of these here. Come on. If you look at you. Are you serious? Yeah. Do you not see the humor in it? No, no.

Of course I do. I'm not actually genuinely attacking it. But like, I don't think you were. I don't think Zack Morris was a trash character. He put a baby in a gym bag. He videoed a sleepover. He harassed a school nurse. These are high school hijinks talking to you.

He played messages for sex. He said he was Native American. That's problematic these days. That is problematic these days. Don't you think there's something to be said about appreciating something in its time? Yeah, there are plenty of things Zach Morris did that aren't okay right now. In late 80s high school, the porkies era, when he's videotaping sleepover well exactly but would that would would the funny thing was would say by the bell be able to to be shot now yeah i mean that type of show no chance and it's

funny because you don't think of say by the bell is like this horrible problematic show like even that show would have to be like nope that can't make it to air anymore i mean people are doing that with the office now and that was so much more recently people got are like, oh, The Office, like the first three seasons. Can't do any of that. Can't even do it. No, I love Zack Morris' trash. The one thing I hate about it is the fact that it's not my idea. I really wish I had thought of that, because I think it's brilliant.

But like, they're all... I would see, and I would love to do a reboot if we did Saved by the Bell like Cobra Kai. You know, they did with the Karate Kid. Like, that's brilliant, the way they thought of that. How would that work? I don't know. I don't know. Like, Breaking Bad, Saved by the Karate Kid. Like, that's brilliant, the way they thought of that. How would that work? I don't know. I don't know. Like, Breaking Bad, you know, Saber the Bell, Breaking Bad.

I don't know. I just, if we could do something along those lines, I'd be really interested in doing something. Because I don't think you could do a straight reboot like Fuller House does or Roseanne did. I just don't think that you could do a straight version. I agree with that. Get it all tweaked. Because even the colors, I think there's a really interesting way of doing it. version. I agree with that. Even the colors, I think there's a really interesting way of doing it.

So, I don't know. You guys are all cool? Yeah, pretty much. We got a pretty much there. Yeah, pretty much. It's no surprise that there's been problems with Dustin Diamond in the past, but there's no hard feelings with any of us.

He's had his pass and we're all adults now. I mean, all that stuff was blown way out of proportion. Him writing that book and it's like, who wrote the book? Who gives a shit? Honestly, none of us care. None of us care. Like, oh, wow,

some of the things that he said to exploit. Who cares? My mind is still reeling from my guy Mark Mark Paul, telling me that he wasn't cool growing up. Like you weren't one of the popular, did you look in the mirror and be like, uh, I'm going to be one of the popular kids, dude. Like you were the, you weren't, you could do it all. Why did you just do it in real life?

But, but even, even, well, uh, uh, but when I went to school, no one really, no one was watching Stared by the Bell because it was a Saturday morning show. So my school, no one was, knew that,

hey, that's that actor dude. Yeah. And actually, if you were an actor, you probably got the shit kicked out of you because you're like,

oh, that pretty actor guy. And I wanted to, I wanted to play sports and I couldn't because I would, I would get pulled out and have to work,

you know, for months at a time. And so I wasn't able to play. Look behind the curtain. That's wild. That's like the, there was a story recently, or at least on Twitter recently, about someone who was an actor who went to go see Star Wars for the first time. And this is way back when the first Star Wars released. And they saw Harrison Ford and they're like, that's my drug dealer.

That's funny. They had no idea he was an actor. He was a carpenter as well. Yeah, he was a carpenter. That's my weed guy. What the fuck is he doing as a console? That's funny. That's how it was for me.

I was not a popular kid in school at all. I was rarely in school. So now you get to play the hero though? Yeah, now I'll show them. It's a philosophical question in school at all. I was rarely in school. So now you get to play the hero, though? Yeah, now I'll show them. Now I'll show them. So it's a philosophical question in this show. The idea behind it is this group is trying to create a cure for all diseases, but they've got to, unfortunately, kind of infect people where it might turn you into a zombie type

of thing. Bad results. Right. They turn into these predators that are based on the vampire myth. So they do drink blood. Right. They are sensitive to light, but there is no Romeo quality to our vampires. We call them virals because they're uber predators.

They're fast. They're agile. They're indiscriminate. They're badass killing machines. But it won't affect kids the same way. So they're looking to grab an unfortunate kid to test, and you're the one who's going to protect her. What they've done in the past is they've brought in death row inmates because, obviously, they're on death row. And we give them an option if they'd want to be a part of this study. And we infect them with this virus that was found in the Bolivian jungle that is supposed to be the cure-all for all diseases.

But it has had some bad results. And they're trying to tweak it. And with each test subject, it gets better and better. And they feel that they'd have a better success with a younger test subject. They've had good results, but they want better results. So they bring in a girl. And they basically task me with bringing her in. Um, I'm an ex FBI agent, uh, that, um, is, is supposed to bring her in. And then I, I flip out. What would you do in real life? Yeah. I've, I've been asked that question. I don't know, man. It's, it's because the question you're asking is what I save mankind or what I

save a child. It's a fucking tough question. Right? That's the question. I'd save mankind and then you put a kid in front of you and it's like, never mind. I'd be sitting right here and be like, you gotta save mankind. And I have a little girl. And I have a daughter. We need to trust you, by the way. You're going to look like Mark Paul Gosselin.

A little girl with a teddy bear. Yeah, I trust you. Let's roll. She trusts me after... It's a fun little scene. Did you guys see the pilot or did you see the trailer? There's a lot of moments before she actually trusts me to take her. And she's in the foster care system. She doesn't have anyone that's fighting for her.

She sees that I'm fighting for her. But, yeah, I have a daughter that's exactly her age. And having to make that decision would not be an easy decision i mean would you would you you know kill a loved one or save mankind you're dead bro i'm killing you i'm the hero i saved mankind all i had to do was get rid of feidelberg see ya i mean i wouldn't blame you on that but if i was a child yeah you would you would you would you would blame me you guys are gonna have a talk about this later Are you kidding me I wouldn't blame him For one single second

If you shot me in the head To save mankind That's my man I'd really do it Do it Wow Well because also You'd be dead

And you wouldn't have Anything to say I wouldn't have The ability to blame Right But also I'd encourage I'd really pull the trigger I'd call you a pussy

If you didn't Do it Do it But only if somebody Was filming it Right If somebody was filming it Because then you would live You know forever As a badass Right But only if somebody was filming it. Right, right. If somebody was filming it, because then you would live forever as a badass.

They'd build statues. But what if he did it and nobody knew? Would you be pissed? Tell people. Yeah, I'm going to be doing a press tour. But what if he never said anything? What if he never said anything? You never said it?

Would you be okay with that? I'd still be. Honestly, Mark Paul, I would be okay. You're a good human. You're a good human. I like that. Let me just ask you one more question before we wrap up here. Are you familiar with the game Marry, Fuck, Kill?

Yes. So I'm going to ask you to do the characters, not the girls. I'm sure the actresses are all lovely people. I did this last night. It's easy, by the way. Okay. Yeah, so I married Kelly. It was obvious.

I killed Jesse. What, too nerdy, high maintenance? Lisa Turtle's high maintenance, too. But she was neurotic. Jesse was a little neurotic, right? Yeah. So I'd kill her, and then I effed Lisa Turtle's high-maintenance, too. But she was neurotic. Jessie was a little neurotic, right? Yeah. So I'd kill her, and then I effed Lisa Turtle. That's a good answer.

I think I would kill Lisa Turtle. Last one more question. When's Franklin to Bash coming back? I would love that to come back. That's in the works. The only reason I do anything this whole rat race is to hopefully get rich one day. Hey, rat race. Breckenmeyer.

Your boy. We interviewed Brecken probably a month or two ago, and I was like, you guys got it. For what? What was he opening up? A tuna can? I don't know what he was doing Now he's on a show called The Fix It'll be out in March on ABC Look at that, Brecken you owe me He's doing something for Adult Swim That's what it was

We're good friends. We are in the works. I'm trying to get the heads that make these decisions to do a two-hour movie for Franklin and Batch. I am 100% behind this. Breckin is going to write it. I'm going to possibly produce it or direct it or whatever I have to do, and we're going to get the original people involved.

Everyone's on board. We just need people to say they want it. So, oh, we'll get it going. That's what I'm saying. It is. I put it in the works. I have a development deal with, with 20th.

Look at me. And it is one of those things that I'm trying to develop. Currently. I want Franklin and bash to be a two hour movie on, on streaming. Hell yeah. I totally want to see where these guys have gone. You know,

we left it as red or black. If anybody's a fan of the show, we did a roulette wheel of where these guys were going. If they were going to work with a Chive or an Austin or remain... Fuck Chive. She's gone to Barstool Sports. Yeah, right. Maybe it could be. Now we're talking.

We're developing, guys. We'll get churning in the mix. That's what I'm saying. Let's get it going. I'm'm saying. That's what I'm saying. So let's get it going. I want an extra roll. Reboot Franklin and Bash. I'm not asking for a series.

I'm asking for a two-hour movie. That sounds beautiful. The passage is January 14th on Fox. Give it a look. Thank you, man. Thanks, guys. All right. Zach Morris. I was geeking out over that guy, by the way.

It takes a lot to get me nervous. I was nervous for that one. Peter Bash. Peter Bash. That's right. Not Zach Morris. To some, Peter Bash. I was like

I wanted to really make sure we did that right. I only got one crack at Zack Morris and he was a pretty complicated dude. I wanted to just be like let's talk about Jeff at the attic. Let's talk about Kelly Kapowski. Let's talk about how you dated all three girls at the same time. Let's talk about the Max. Let's talk about Mr. Belding. Let's talk about Mr. Tuttle.

Let's talk about all this shit. But it kind of got the vibe that he was like yeah that was something i did it's interesting but i did other things in my career and i was like okay this guy's so fucking cool i just i mean i said it in the interview but i will just reiterate again like if don't tell me that you're not cool you weren't a cool guy if you were zach morris if you can just do that stuff just fucking do that stuff he was like like, yeah, I was acting. Well, just start acting in regular life. It's what everyone does anyway. Right.

It's not like cool people are just naturally being cool. They're trying to be cool. You know how to do it. You can be cool. Just be Zach Morris. Well, I wasn't that popular in school. I was an artsy kid.

Did you look at yourself? Fucking six foot tall. This is fucking thick, flowing blonde hair. Swagger coming out of your ass. You're cool. He's very cool. Fuck those kids in his class. Imagine looking back and being like, yeah, I went to school with that guy and I didn't think he was cool.

What an idiot I am. Yeah, bad judgment there. So, I mean, yeah, yeah, he's not cool. He only went on to be Zack Morris. He went to be a detective on NYPD Blue and he went on to be one half of the greatest duo. He was so jacked up to talk about that. It is tough that we got a chore out of this. We got to get the groundswell

for Franklin and the Badge coming back. Because he was, that was the thing he was most excited to talk about. More so than his current show, The Passage, which aired last night. He went on. I'll tell you this, the most nerve-wracking thing for me is when we do these interviews at Sirius And the publicists start telling us to wrap up

It's a fine line between I'm going to push and get every fucking question I can in Without totally pissing these people off And fucking up the Sirius schedule So I was like alright we gotta wrap this up John just kind of dropped in the Franklin and Bash thing Just being like alright I want to make sure we mention it And then Mark Paul went on for like another Four to five minutes just going in on Franklin Bash.

And his people were like, we got to wrap this up. They're doing the helicopter sign with their finger. And I was like, I'm not talking. You tell your boy who's super passionate about Franklin Bash that it's time to go. Because clearly this is what he wants to do. And then when the interview ended, he kept going. He was like looking at you being like, I'm dead ass serious. Let's go.

I think we got acting jobs out of this. If we can get this... I'm going to look dead at the camera here for the gold people. Barstoolgold.com slash KFC. If you get this going, you will see me and Kevin in a goddamn movie. So fucking tweet Mark Paul.

We want fucking Franklin and Bash back. Tweet Breckin Meyer. We want Franklin and Bash back. I think there could be. We want Franklin and Bash back. I think there could be like a rival lawyer thing. Clancy and Feidelberg. We'll be like the villains or some shit. We'll be like the bizarro Franklin and Bash. He was so into it.

And he's so like set. He's like, I got the business behind it. I got the studio behind it. I own the rights. Him and Breckin Townley. They're very, very cool. He's like, we're ready to go. So Franklin and Bash needs to make a comeback.

And he was like, all I need to do is make some noise. I'm like, well, that's all we do. We don't really know how to focus it or make it useful. You've given us a place to do it. We'll make a lot of fucking noise. I will make a lot of noise for Franklin and Bash. If you haven't seen Franklin and Bash, you can watch it on Soty Crackle for free. How about we do that?

Everybody like John, who was a diehard Franklin and Bash fan to begin with, you've already seen it. People like myself, I gotta catch up. I've seen episodes here and there, but I'm gonna binge this. We're all gonna go watch Franklin and Bash together. We're all gonna start binging it or re-binge it. It's got Kumail Nanjiani in it.

Yeah, that's the thing when you go back and you watch shows like that. There's a lot of people who are making guest appearances or have small bits. You're like, oh, that dude's fucking big time. I think, what's his name too? I think Donald Sutherland. Sutherland? I always get confused. I mean, long story short, Franklin and Bass

just smash chicks in Hollywood while they come up with cool ways to solve cases. I mean, that show, it's a wonder that this isn't already happening. It's Malcolm McDowell, but I always confuse him for Donald Sutherland. I mean, that show, it's a wonder that this isn't already happening. No, it's Malcolm McDowell, but I always confuse him for Donald Sutherland. I feel like that's just the most, like, the simplest plot ever that I love.

You know, it's just, like, cool guys doing, like, probably, like, unrealistic legal shit while they have sex with chicks on the beach. Done! It's a fire show. Why this even needs our help, I don't know,

but we're gonna fucking give it to them. Franklin and Bash, bring it back. We'll probably come up with a hashtag or some shit. We'll get this shit trending. We'll get everybody tweeting at the networks, at the studios, at Mark Paul, at Hollywood, at Los Angeles. His handle is simply at MPG. I keep calling him MPG. Yeah, I like that one.

We're tight now. We've discussed business. We've talked movies. He's MPG to me. Mark Paul, it's a mouthful. MPG, let's fucking go. So if you're a Franklin and Bash fan, or if you're just looking for a casual watch, right now I'm kind of like in between

shows, so I'm going to fire that up. It's an easy watch, right? It sure is. Easy viewing. Easy entertaining viewing is my favorite kind of show. Let's be responsible for bringing Franklin and Bash back. Let's make it so that when MPG is doing the press tour for this, he's like, yeah, my boys at Varsal Sports just made it happen.

If I can get Zach Morris being like, yeah, yeah, yeah, like KFC and Feidelberg, they were the force behind it, I'm going to retire a happy man. Let's go! I'm going to retire. I'm more jacked up than this than I was yesterday, because yesterday was boring as shit. This is exciting.

Let's go! I'm going to retire. I'm more jacked up than this than I was yesterday because yesterday was boring as shit. This is exciting. Let's go. Franklin and Bash, the return, all because of Barstool Sports. Voicemail time. Voicemails are brought to you by Twillery. It's a fun word to say. Twillery. Twillery is a fun word. And I got two of their shirts.

I wore them this weekend. Big fire. Big fire. Nice. I haven't got mine yet. What the fuck? Where are mine? Stocking up your closet with Twillery. It's as simple as stocking

the beer in your fridge. It's easy, it's affordable, and it's the perfect fit, guaranteed. It's a performance shirt, so that means it's a dress shirt that doesn't breathe and doesn't sweat. Hmm. Interesting. It's like Vidalberg. You can't really breathe anymore and you don't sweat. These shirts, these are the official shirts of Vidalberg.

It's not polyester. It doesn't feel all plasticky. Twillery is cotton with an incredible hand feel. It doesn't have any annoying scratchy tags. That's a plus. It's easy care and it's wrinkle free. The ultimate plus. You don't have to worry about ironing. You don't have to worry about crinkling it. I had to steam my pants

this morning. It's real frustrating. It's such a production. It's just such a production. You get the whole device out. You fill it up with water. There's never water in it. I don't know how. I don't know where it goes. Fill it up, use it for fucking five minutes, all of a sudden all the water is gone the next time I go to use it. It's crazy. It's turned into steam, John.

I put it away with water in it. And I come back, it's gone. No water. Somebody's using your steamer. I'm going to guess Lucy's. But I like to pretend guess Lucy's. Yeah. But I like to pretend it's just magically disappearing. They have a shop in bundle model that gives you access to shirts at $55 that would usually sell for over $100.

Free shipping, free returns, free collar stays included with each shirt. And right now, you get $25 off your first shirt order by going to Twillery. $25 off? Yeah. There you go. Twillery.com slash KFC and enter the promo code KFC at checkout. Twillery is spelled T-W-I-L-L-O-R-Y dot com slash KFC.

Promo code KFC at checkout for $25 off performance shirts. Hey, KFC Fights. So I have a question. So I've been spending time with this person for about a month. I end up probably staying at their place half of the night. But at the same time, I don't want a serious relationship. Like, I just enjoy hanging out with them. Like, you know. All that stuff.

Is there a way I can get a toothbrush over there? Because I hate the feeling of waking up without brushing my teeth, without it seeming like I want a relationship. Thanks for any advice. I do think a toothbrush is a very

symbolic item. See, I'm the opposite. I go hard and I go fast. What you got to do is bring a toothbrush over on very symbolic item. See, I'm the opposite. I go hard and I go fast. What you gotta do is bring a toothbrush over on the first date. Be like, this guy, we've barely hung out and all we do is fuck, but he brought a toothbrush over. But you can't bring a toothbrush over like three months and twenty

dates in. That's a very big indicator of where you think, whether or not you mean it, it's gonna send off signals that you might not want to put out there. Right, right. I mean, you're right. You have to go by first date. Like, toothbrush, do you want to meet my parents?

I do everything real fast. Get it out of the way. It's like, this is weird we're doing this already, but okay. And John has a stellar track record. Well, in this guy's case, I do. Yeah. Right? I do have a stellar track record as far as he's concerned.

Right, right. Your goal is to not, if your goal is to just have, I don't know how he does it, folks, but John for the longest time has had the ability to just make people like him but not have expectations or like, yeah, we can do this, but I'm also never going to pressure you into anything. I don't know how he does it. Or maybe he just doesn't let himself be pressured.

But if that's the goal, you've come to the right place. Yeah. First of all, heed my advice here, too. It's not up to you. It's like, I'm not looking for anything serious. If she wants something serious, you're going to be in something serious. Yeah, or you're not. It's either going to be over or it's not like she's.

You have no say in this matter, really. Yeah, you can put the eject button. But if you're going to keep being with them and they want something serious, then you're going to be in something serious. Let me tell you, if she wants something serious, it's not like she's sitting around waiting for the toothbrush to pop out. Right. She wants it and she's going to speak up soon.

She's going to do that no matter what. But I do think that, you know, keys and toothbrushes, I think, are two things. And, like, maybe, you know, sometimes people give you, like, a drawer. You have, like, a drawer at the person's house. I'd never do that, by know, keys and toothbrushes, I think, are two things. And, like, maybe, you know, sometimes people give you, like, a drawer. You have, like, a drawer at the person's house. I'd never do that, by the way. No, I... I would never do that. I wouldn't give a drawer.

I've got... I've received a drawer. That's why. I've never... I've never done either. Yeah. I had a corner once. Yeah, that's fine.

It was a corner pile of clothes. Yeah, if they rope off any sort of spot for you, area for you. It was took. It wasn't like, you can put your stuff there. I was like, I'm putting my stuff there

just so you know. This corner will be my little bench just like folded clothes. I actually just lived out of, I just had my suitcase in a corner and I just like lived out of that. Like I was staying in a hotel. That's fine.

That's like, he had something to cross that this is very serious. You know what I think the real serious thing, too, is? Is if your toothbrush is, like, in the cup or in the holder. Well, I was going to say you can hide it. Yeah, if you have, like, a toothbrush, like, in the medicine cabinet or, like, behind this or that,

I think that's different from, like, you know, hey, there's three people who live in this apartment and there's four brushes or whatever, you know what I mean? It's like that's like you're now part of the house. Hide that shit behind the toilet paper. Yeah, that's what I mean. If you do something like that, then it doesn't matter. Or can't you get one of those ones that's small and breaks in half and folds up or whatever? Or just go

all in and just sign up with Quip and just have the brush heads delivered to her apartment. Hey babe, did my replaceable brush heads get here yet? Yeah, getquip.com slash KFC. But also, you know, if you're really concerned about this and you're really

not trying to put out the vibe or whatever, like, brush your teeth at home, bro, or something like that. Like, don't fuck with, if you're really worried about this,

don't fuck with the toothbrush. No, that's crazy because you gotta brush your teeth. I know you don't like brushing your teeth, but like in the morning you gotta brush your teeth. You have to,

but like you don't have to do it there. But like if you like, you wake up and it's just like first of all you could just use hers that's what I would do I just use hers that's what I'm saying wouldn't even tell her I just use hers there are ways around this

because I'm a fucking gross like that no I think more people do that than the world would let on it's like oh the toothbrush is here perfect look I was looking for one it's great it's like look there's no germs on it brush your teeth look there's none's no germs on it. Yeah. Brush teeth. Look, there's none of my germs on there. We're good.

I do do when I'm using someone else's toothbrush, though. I do. Like, with me, I feel like I just, like, when I'm using my toothbrush, I'm kind of just like, ah. I go in slow. I dip my toe in first. It's fine. Try to get it done fast.

With someone else's, I just, no, I don't even get it done fast. I just, like, put it in my mouth really quick. Just because, like, My germs override their germs It's like It's like I basically That's a very funny noise I surround

Like a cartoon Eating a lollipop I own this This is mine now Move my tongue around A little bit Okay Covered in my germs now

We're fine Disgusting The But also Also like Maybe it's Maybe that's how I always do that, where it's just, like, it's rarely serious. Which is, like, I wouldn't think. If someone left a toothbrush in my apartment, I wouldn't be like, oh, my God.

We're guys. They're girls. I'd be like, okay, toothbrush is here. These things happen, though. There's shampoos here. Of course. Okay, whatever. In a vacuum, these things are just.

They move their couch in. People want to not have gross teeth, but in the girl world, it's like, what does this mean? I'm going to text all my girlfriends about it. We're in the group chat talking about this toothbrush now. And I do think that whether or not it's reasonable, you just have to admit that there is a symbolic move.

There's meaning behind the toothbrush. It's just a symbolic move because people tell you it's a symbolic move. I know, but that's the fact. Ignore people. This is from movies. This is from TV shows. But this is perception becomes reality. I said brush your teeth at work, brush your teeth at home,

brush your teeth anywhere else if you're really worried about indicating that you don't want something serious. Do I look fat here? Uh, no. Brighton? No. No? Okay, cool. You never know how the camera works, though.

This gold camera. That's why I asked Brandon because I wanted him to look at the camera. I know, but I could look at the same exact angle that the camera's at, and the camera will look different. Whatever. The camera adds 15 pounds. I'm comfortable like this now. But yeah, I would just, I think that's my track record.

I think that's based on me ignoring outside influences. If you take outside influences into account... You take in the perception because of reality. And that is true. Perception is reality. Just not in my reality. I think that you got away with it for so long because you're just like a

retarded person. Just like, I don't know. This guy just won't... He just refuses to acknowledge the fact that he's like acting like we're dating or whatever it's just like yeah these rules don't apply to this guy or something he's retarded you're right you're right yeah i mean that's that is what ignoring all social cues outside of what's is right that's what they do he's got a mental problem it worked i don't want to date a He's got a mental problem. It worked.

I don't want to date a guy with a mental problem, so I guess I'll just, you know, we have fun hanging out, but he's clearly got a disability, so I'm not going to get serious about it. Brilliant. MC, fight, super producer. DC, I got a would you rather for you. Would you rather every time you have to take a piss, you have a rock hard boner,

or would you rather every single time you have to take a shit, you have sweaty wipes, meaning it feels like you were in the middle of an intense sweaty workout, and then you all of a sudden have to take poop, and you have the sweatiest ass of all time, or plot twist, would you rather every time you take a shower, it doesn't take, and you still look like you haven't taken a shower? Let's do that one. I don't know, but the sweaty ass, sweaty poop thing is weird. Oh, I know all that. Okay, maybe that's me then. I was going to say, I don't think that's

relatable or common, but okay, we'll stick with the original then. Being with a boner is fun. You are. Some people just like to watch the world burn. Some men just want to watch the world burn. It's a good time, man. It's funny.

People are funny because, first of all, everything – I actually – I can't even – I don't want to talk about it on the game, on this show. I don't think you have a choice. It's a genius idea. Oh, okay. I want – you know how they have those things with, like, when you flush, like, blue water comes down and you put it in the top of the toilet? I want to invent something where when you flush, something comes down that just adds a spot. Like adds some like sediment, right? And then it's – because when you're peeing –

This motherfucker just said sediment. What are you talking about? Like when you're peeing, peeing is a game to me. Yeah. Peeing is a game to everybody, I think, right? Like sometimes you'll do a thing where you just go around the bowl. Yeah, it's like a carnival game. Right.

Sometimes you gotta hit a spot. Sometimes you gotta... Sometimes if there's a spot there, and you can break it up, and you push... Yeah. Sometimes you're hitting, like, toilet paper or whatever it may be. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I wanna add that.

So it's just there. Every time you go pee, there's something there. Okay. That you can try and take a game to just pee off. I feel this... You wanna piss it off. What you need to do is let's say it almost looks like a urinal cake

type of thing, right? And you stick it on the back, okay? And then there's layers to it. So it starts out blue, and you pee away the blue, and then there's green. I want it to move, too, though. I don't want it always the same thing. Oh, now you're getting greedy.

I mean, you can't turn your toilet into a god damn carnival that's what I want it to do that's what I want it to do and you can even get like those lights the toilet lights

that like so people have them so they don't have to turn the lights on at night so like you got blue lights you got this orange target and moving back and forth

that's that doesn't move in one every use it can stay still. Got it. But when you flush, it moves again. Got it. So you're not always peeing at the same spot.

I feel that. And also, that's a fun game I just invented. And now you want to do this with a boner. But also, it's a fun game. The boner, if you don't have any sediment in the toilet to piss off, the boner adds a nice little twist, too, because you're trying to angle on yourself. Yes.

And then you feel it get soft soft too. That's funny. Like as you're peeing it gets softer. So like I'll go you gotta get down but you gotta get like in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you go down with it. It's almost like you're putting. It's almost like you're a very bad golfer. Like your ass is kind of

out and you're down and then your dick goes down, too. But then the problem is, if you were to, like, let go, that would be like, choom! Right, but therein lies the game. That's the fun part.

There's the rub on that. So you get, like, your quads are burning a little bit, and you're down with it, but it's like... You're basically pile driving the toilet. Yeah, yeah.

That's exactly what you're doing. If you've ever fucked with a pile driver, it's the same exact position, and then you push your boner down so that your balls kind of come up a little bit, you know what I mean? So your balls are almost higher than your dick. It looks like an Air Force pilot, like an F-350, whatever the fuck. That's a car.

F-18? F-18, looks like an F-18, where it's just like, it's got wings. Yep. Right, right. It's like a moonraker laser from fucking GoldenEye. But then the problem is as your stream stops, you got to like kind of get a little closer. You know what I mean?

Because when you start out, it's like boom, backboard. And then all of a sudden it's drifting through the middle of the toilet and all of a sudden it's at the tip of the toilet. Hop forward, but you got to keep that low and down still. It's quite the production. But it's always fun. It's a good time. You know what I've always wanted to do?

It's also fun just to wake up, and when you just walk to the bathroom with a boner. Boners are funny. Boners are reserved for the bedroom usually, but when you wake up with one, it's like, well, I've got to pee, so I'm going to roam free with this. I'm going to let this animal out of the cage. Boners are usually in your hand, inside of someone, or tucked up in your waistband.

When you're just walking around with it out. Just a free spirit. It's funny. Very funny stuff. Very good. What I've always wanted to do, because it's utterly ridiculous, and I don't know if anyone's actually ever done this, is do the, that awkward moment. Have you ever laid in the toilet?

No. I mean. I'm nervous it would hit water. Me too. And you get a disease or something. I'm not Pete Davidson, but like, I'll probably touch in the water if I lay down in it. And then you get like, like imagine your dick tip is just. Like I freak out like when my dick tip just touches the toilet seat when I'm sitting down.

If it just like grazes it. Well, the seat is way worse than the water. I think they're both pretty terrible. I know, but the seat is really gross to me. Like, the water's fresh, but, like, it's still water. Like, the container was just pooped in. Yeah. So you poured water in it, but it's fresh water.

No doubt. The rest is still gross. No, the whole thing is gross, but I feel like the porcelain just, it's just a Petri dish. Yeah. And your tip just smears on it, just rubs on it. It's like, oh, shit! That's going inside.

It's crawling up in there. But what's the question? So first of all, clearly we enjoy a boner piss. So that's what we're choosing. Right. But the sweaty poops or the shower not taken are both a disaster. Disaster. I know.

By the way, as fun as it is, it's a challenge and it's not easy. No, but fun. Right, but I'm just saying, peeing is just too easy. It can... Peeing's boringly easy. We gotta challenge ourselves

a little bit. It does get a little bit messy. Like, if you, you know, you know what the real problem with peeing with a boner is? It's the end. When you get the, like, the...

You know, the last three bits, but it's like... Yeah, you're controlling... You're holding a fire hose yeah right like little rascals with their fucking yeah you try and like do a little squirt out and it's like it's almost like the hose is kinked and then you let go and you get that boom you get that burst that's your last bits of pee with a boner and it's just like you don't know where that thing's gonna you don't know where that burst is gonna go it's a lot like coming it's just like i don't

know where it's gonna go i kind of have a general idea but down to go. It's a lot like cumming. It's just like, I don't know where it's going to go. I kind of have a general idea. But down to the specifics, it's up in the air. It could go anywhere. The sweaty poops are the worst things in the world. I would. Maybe I just don't sweat enough. I would. Like, back in the days when I went to the gym, and I would take, like, a pre-workout, and, like, those things always kind of.

And run through you. Yeah, they kick you into high gear. Kick the whole system into high gear, including the bowels. And, like, I'd be, like, middle of a workout. I'd be like, oh, man, I have to poop. And I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I'd reverse eat my poop.

You know, sometimes you just eat it. Naturally. You eat it with your butt. Yeah. And then you can just. Like this. Like this. It's like, you hold the poop long enough, you just don't have to poop anymore.

Yeah. I think it goes up into, like, your eyes. Yeah. You reverse eat the poop. Yeah. And I would do that. I'd just be in the gym. I. Yeah, you reverse ate the poop. Yeah. And I would do that. I'd just be in the gym.

I would take like 10 minutes off. I'd just go sit there and be like, you got to focus on eating poop. And I'd just sit there like, all right, come on, come on. And then eventually it would subside and you just wouldn't have to poop for three days. Just your window. Showers that don't take are a disaster. And you have to poop right after you get out of the shower disaster those things are really bad but but the other idea so is the question by the way every p is a boner boner p that's tough that's i mean you don't always have the ability

of the time you're at the bar you're at the urinal you're gonna be doing the fucking urinal i think i've never brought boner p in the urinal that seemed like it'd be fun too because you can just let that baby fly you're just peeing on a Well, you need to stand back and you have to have your boner out. You can't be up on the urinal with a boner. Oh, I'm not usually up on the urinal anyway. I don't think I've ever peed with a boner or a urinal because you're in public. Right, right, right.

No, I haven't. But wouldn't that be a challenge? I don't think it would be a challenge. I think it's just like, I think it's much more freeing. You know what I think we need to invent if you're not quite like us and relish the boner pee? You almost need a toilet that has a button that you push that's like, okay, boner pee initiated. And the bowl like, choom.

It opens up. Yeah, it has these arms that come out that can catch wherever it goes. Like those family style tables where you can slide it out and add a new piece to it. You need like a leaf. And then just like all of a sudden your toilet has two times as much ability to catch. I think that's a good idea. And you can just stand there. But I think that takes away.

Sprinkler it. I guess, yeah. I would like a smaller bowl. I'd like sometimes. First of all, not everyone should get this. I think I have pretty good aim. A lot of people don't have good aim. You go to the bathroom here, there's piss everywhere.

It's crazy. It's unbelievable. It's like everyone here is blind or something. One time I'll pee, I'll come out of the bathroom, and there's a girl waiting, and it's like, that wasn't my pee. I wasn't going to clean it up. I swear it wasn't me. That was someone else who just pissed everywhere,

and I just kind of didn't want to clean it. Peeing with a boner, fun stuff. KFC, Sites, BC, what's going on? Hello. So I've been on multiple dates before, but there's this one in particular date where it drives me crazy and I notice people's pet peeves. So I'm sure people have their own pet peeves about me,

but there's this one guy that I've been seeing, and every time we order any appetizer, any food, he decides to lick every single finger. And it drives me fucking bananas. I can't even handle it. It's disgusting. I hate it. So my question for you is, what's your biggest pet peeve when you're on a date with girls? Because me being a girl

Mine is when someone Licks all their fingers It drives me crazy This girl This girl's bent out of shape Alright, diva I mean, yeah, listen It's like

It's terrible It's so disgusting Terrible I was actually Before we recorded Sometime last week, I think I was walking in here And I was eating Cheetos

And Casey was asking If I'd lick my fingers She gets down She said she just Deep throats her fingers Left and right Yeah, she's like I'm like, that's disgusting I was walking in here and I was eating Cheetos, and Casey was asking if I'd lick my fingers. She gets down, she says she just deep throats her fingers left and right. Yeah, she's like, I do not lick my fingers with Cheetos. We talked about that on the radio. She at least acknowledged that she was just like, I get it, but I just, like, I rarely are gonna

have the Cheetos, and when I do it, I just go all in and I relish every bit of it. I don't wanna, first of all, it's not that good. Like, I'm more about the texture of the Cheeto rather than my finger. I think of licking your finger as a way to clean up almost. I'm not doing it to like, I need the extra Cheeto. It's like, I got to get this off my fingers. Yeah, but there's better ways to clean up.

No doubt. But I'm just saying the people who are like, I need to lick all the dust off. I'm just trying to get this off my fucking fingers. And that's like last, last, last resort. I just let it stay dirty while I eat the bag. And then I clean them off. Some people clean them like every Cheeto. No, no, no. last, last resort. I just let them stay dirty while I eat the bag, and then I clean them off. Some people clean them, like, every teetot. No, no, no, yeah, yeah.

Although I do that, I don't lick with buffalo wings, but I napkin off after every buffalo wing. Yes, I do. When people are just, their fingers are covered in it, and, like, their mouth are covered in it, and I understand they're probably like, I'm just going to do this at the end when I'm done eating my wings. But that means for the next, like, 20 minutes while you're eating this, you're just going to be like a child, like, covered in sauce. No, I destroy at least a tree every time I eat buffalo wings. But that means for the next, like, 20 minutes while you're eating this, you're just gonna be like a child, like, covered in sauce. I destroy at least a tree. Yeah, I eat, wipe, eat, wipe, eat, wipe.

Anyway, all this is gross. Like, do this on a date is great. I mean, that's really bad, man. That's not gonna look good. It's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. On first dates, you can't. This guy literally just talked about eating his own shit. And now he's talking about how it's disgusting. I was eating the shit with my butt, though.

Wasn't eating it with my mouth. I was eating it with my butt. But it's spaghetti, lobster, and wings. You can't get, at least on an early date. Well, yeah, if you're married, you can get it, but it's too messy and gross. You can't do it. I don't know if I have a pet peeve that girls do. I never really thought of something where it's like...

I just don't think this way. Girls are just so crazy sometimes. If a girl was doing this, I would be like... If it pops up, I'd be like, oh shit, I can't believe this. I definitely don't go into dates looking for or bracing for anything.

Maybe it's just, I don't know if it's a guy or a girl thing. Do you know what my biggest pet peeve in the world is, though? I do have one. I probably do. As you say this, I'm probably going to know it. What is it? It's hotels that don't give you free Wi-Fi. It's the nice hotels. I've heard you complain about this. I didn't know it was it? It's hotels that don't give you free Wi-Fi. It's the nice hotels. No, I didn't know that. Yeah, I've heard you complain about this.

I didn't know it was your number one. Nice hotels don't give you free Wi-Fi. The Holiday Inn gives me free Wi-Fi. The fucking Waldorf should give me free Wi-Fi. It's fucking crazy. And it sucks, too, because we always stay in nice hotels when we travel. Life's so hard. We fucking always have to pay for our own goddamn Wi-Fi.

Tell them all you mad sons. It's so stupid. Tell them. Why does the fucking Motel 8 give me free Wi-Fi? Go off, King. Go off, King. And these fucking, like, we stay, like, I mean, I don't know. We stay at pretty nice hotels now.

It's actually kind of wild. But, like, the nice hotels we stay at, like, wasn't the dream we stayed at in L.A.? That was $4,000 for, like, two nights. It was $4,000 and $4,015. We had to pay for that fucking Wi-Fi. We had to pay for that ourselves. The hotel, too. When we checked out, I was like, oh, wait, the company didn't pay for this?

They were like, nope, you owe us four grand. I was here for 48 hours. Are you kidding me? But, yeah, it was $25 a night. Are you kidding me? Are you fucking nuts? You're going to charge me $2,000 a night. Are you kidding me? Are you fucking nuts? You're going to charge me $2,000 a night to stay in this goddamn hotel, and you're not going to give me free fucking Wi-Fi?

That's fucking bananas. That's insane. Holiday Inn, Hampton Inn, all these fucking hotels give me free Wi-Fi. The shit I stayed at on the fucking Blackout Tour, free Wi-Fi everywhere I went. Here, take the Wi-Fi. We don't give a shit. We'll give you the fast treatments. You can watch porn, too. Now, it's, oh, you.

Well, that's because they're, like, just ignore, like, the dead body under the bed. I will do that. Blood stains on the. I will ignore anything for free Wi-Fi. They know. That's what I'm saying. They know. The other place is like, bro, we're giving you, like, fancy robes and room service and

shit. You don't have to pay for that Wi-Fi. God, such nonsense. Money grab. Such nonsense. Anyway, licking fingers. I don't know if this qualifies. My pet peeve is girls who won't eat or drink what they want based on, like, your order.

Like, if I'm trying to eat light and I'm like, I'm going to get a salad, and they're like, fine. Like, I guess I'll get a salad too. I'm like, you can get the fucking cheeseburger if you want. I'm trying to like eat one way or the other. Or like, I don't want to drink tonight. Like, well, I'm not going to drink alone. Like, just get whatever you want. Just get whatever you want. And I guess that's more like when you're in a relationship versus like,

this girl's just like on a date with a guy. But I, like if I wanted to eat healthy, it had to be like a group goddamn thing. Because otherwise you're like making them feel bad. Or they want to drink tonight, but it's like, I need to dry out. I'm going to just have water tonight. Well, then they feel bad about themselves. Fucking get whatever you want. Yeah, I don't think I've ever really run into that.

I think that's a more serious relationship problem. I mean, it's just my relationship. But yeah, that would very much frustrate me. If I was guilted into like, I mean, look, I can't tell you the last time I went to a restaurant so I'll do a salad please I do salads a lot at lunch but I just order that out I don't really get my own salad

but yeah if I did that and they were like disappointed in me I would be very upset why the fuck does it matter what I'm eating eat what you want it's the lifestyle last voicemail of the day is brought to you by Noom not too late to kick off your year right John

you had already said you were going to give up on the New Year's resolution of being in shape no no no no I'm not going to let you because we got Noom now you're going to meet your goals you're going to stick to your goals because of Noom I am going to do this Maddie Brown texted us

our promo codes for this and I'm definitely going to do this. Maddie Brown texted us our promo codes for this, and I'm definitely going to do this. No doubt. Stick to the weight loss plan. It can be hard. I'm going to do it as soon as it's recording. I'm going to go do it. But Noom is the app on your phone that's going to help you succeed doing just that. You want different results?

You've got to have a different approach. So you learn. You don't diet. You're going to build new, better habits for the new year and recognize and change the habits that block your success. It's weight loss in the palm of your hand, on your phone, whenever and wherever you need it. We're all strapped for time and Noom asks you to just commit 10 minutes a day to yourself. You'll have a personalized trainer and regimen with your own support team for less than the price of a single appointment with a nutritionist or a personal trainer. Your goal specialist will set the goals and they will help you change your

professional habits. You'll have a nutrition expert. You'll have a fitness trainer all in one spot, a whole community that's there for you. You'll have group discussion with fellow new members to keep you encouraged. And it'll take the agony out of food tracking with one of the biggest food databases available. So it's got everything you're going to be eating, everything you're going to be doing. You can set your goals, meet your goals. And it just takes a 30-second online evaluation to show you how much weight you can lose and keep off. Go to Noom.com slash KFC.

That's N-O-O-M dot com slash KFC. You can sign up for your trial today and meet your resolutions. That's Noom.com slash KFC. Start losing weight up for your trial today and meet your resolutions. That's Noom dot com slash KFC. Start losing weight for good. I already feel in better shape. Just just knowing that that's there. By the way, speaking of Matty Brown, you know, he broke Jeff Lowe's nose. I saw the like aftermath on the Instagram.

He was like, oh, fuck my nose. When you punch them. Yeah. But he's trying to like not. They were they were. They were close. Yeah. He wasn't like he went up like they were shadow boxing

yeah yeah yeah he was engaged yeah as I understand I wasn't here but yeah he broke his nose it's a legit broken yeah

you know for a fact yeah was he bleeding he was bleeding yeah he said it was more it was more blood it was snot it was just pouring out

oh gross and he went to the doctor they're like yeah it's like it's not a it's not a bad break they don't have to like do surgery or he went to the doctor. Yeah, it's like it's not a bad break. They don't have to do surgery or anything. There's basically nothing you can do.

Does he have the black eye kind of shit? No, nothing. At least he was here yesterday for the electric chair. Marty Mush, watch out, bro. Matty Brown's been breaking noses by accident. What about when he's trying? Hey, guys. Got a hypothetical for you Imagine if you lived on a planet

Where humans could have Up to ten arms How many arms Would be ideal to have Would you want all ten Would you only go with four Let me know what you think You get up to ten arms

I think arms are You're good with two I bet you're going to Thanks. You got up to 10 arms? I think arms are... You're good with two, I bet you're going to say, right? I'm good with two just because that's what I'm used to seeing. I think arms are like pockets. You got what you're used to. Anything more is just unnecessary. Okay, I feel that. I think

I need... I definitely need more than two. I think I need four. Four, if I had to... If it had gone to my head, if I had to go. I think I need four. Four, if it had gone to my head, if I had to go more, I would go four. I think there's a chance I could use a fifth, though. What are you doing? Odd number is interesting. Yeah, if you just had a fifth just sticking out.

I need two to carry the kids, each kid. I got to be able to carry a bag, and then I got to be able to operate doors. If I could carry bags, two children, and operate all doors, I think I could do that with four. But there's a chance, like, another bag or an extra heavy bag or a fucking door that's difficult, I could maybe just have a fifth just stick it out of my chest. But that becomes difficult for the rest of your have a fifth just stick it out of my chest. But that becomes difficult

for the rest of your life. I need to tailor my clothes. I need a whole new wardrobe. Wardrobe, I assume that we should take care of. I need the five arm section of the store, sir. But like laying down. How do you even lay down if an arm

is just coming out of your chest? It's already hard as it is on the side. I'm always like, my shoulder is numb. My arm. It's already hard on the side. I'm a side layer. The, I guess for, I mean, I don't do anything but play on my phone. Two fingers is enough. Two hands is enough.

I think I need four. Yeah, I understand with children it would be different. Yeah, yeah. But, like, my life. The other day, fucking Shay was like, you got to carry me. I was like, I'm going to carry the other one. He's smaller than you. She's like, nope.

She just wouldn't walk. So I'm like pulling her out of her car seat. I got Keegan in one hand. I take her by like the armpit, and I have to pull her out of the car to throw her up and catch her and then walk. Then I got to punch in the fucking keypad to get into the apartment. I definitely need another arm for that. Then I got to open that door. And then I got the bags.

Just get 10. Yeah, just give me all 10. I'll deal with the extras. That's a lot right there. Keegan fucking smashed his face on the table last night. 4.15. I'm off the clock at 4.30. Their mother's coming to pick him up.

I'm like, all right, I'm done for the day. I watch this little fucker. He's drinking a bottle on the couch. And he scoots forward, scoots forward, scoots forward, last scoot, flies off the couch, whap, just smashes his eye right on the fucking edge of the coffee table. It was so bad. He looks like he was in an MMA fight, bro.

It was just instantly swollen, black blood. I was like, God damn it. He gets himself into quite an amount of shit, man. Between the coffee burn, the eye, the sickness. He's always, I go back to urgent care. They're like, what up, though? How you doing, man? It's been 25 seconds.

That's some Irish shit, though. Irish kids. Irish moms don't want to bring you. Well, so it's funny. So we go. And it was evening time. And there's a lot of people. And I'm worried about him.

He's like passed out on my shoulder. I'm like, this kid's going to have a concussion. You probably shouldn't be asleep. What do I do here? And then we wait and we wait. He wakes up and he's like laughing and goofing and shit. So I was like, I think I'm going to go. She was like, what?

The lady at the counter. I'm like, yeah, I think he's good. She's like, there's only like three more people ahead of you. And I was like, but there's already been like 11. I've been here a while. And he's just laughing. And they were like, oh, okay. I was like, we're out.

Peace. He's fine. And I probably shouldn't have even brought him in the first place. He was good to go. But goddamn, he's a fucking bruiser. And if I had another arm, I probably would have been like, boom. Probably could have grabbed him or something like that. If I had some like stretchy arms.

I need like the yoga arms, boom, reach out and grab the little fucker before he hits the table. Alright. Final answer for me, four, maybe five. I'm good with two. Two is just, like everything, I am more concerned with how I look aesthetically than

functionality. I'm used to two. We're all used to two. I wouldn't want to jerk off before, though. One hand here, one hand here, one hand back there. You can do a whole bunch of it.

All right, that's it for today's episode. We're going to go design ourselves a new studio. There's a new gold episode tomorrow. Oh, yeah, new gold episode out.

Cutting room, right? Like that, yeah. KFC Radio, cutting room floor. Every week, we have like 10 voicemails to get to, and we only do like

four, 5, maybe 6 because we're just such good conversationalists. So there's always a handful of voicemails that just slip through the cracks because by the next episode we have a whole new crop and there's probably like 3 or 4, 4, 5 that made the original cut that we never used. So gold members will be

getting the cutting room floor where we use every voicemail that we got that all made the cut. So if you've ever been picked on social but then never hear it to air, well, these are the voicemails for you. You're going to make sure you hear everything that made the original cut. So Cutting Room Floor tomorrow on Gold.

Sign up at BarstoolGold.com slash KFC. Our crew gets a little kickback. So me, Super Producer BC, Fights, Logan, anybody who puts the time and effort into KFC Radio, I'm going to get a small little piece of appreciation. So if you're down with the KFC Radio gang and you want to put some back in our pockets,

fucking Keegan, keep his face safe, I don't know, whatever, go to BarstoolGold.com slash KFC. It's cheaper than a night out. Although I tweeted this weekend, I was like, you spent more at the bar last night than you will a year at Barstool Gold. And some people were like, wait, do people in New York typically spend like $50 to $100 at a bar?

It's literally around. $50 around. It's $50 around. Every time I go to the, not to the establishment, every time I go up to the bar, it's $50. It's a $50 cover just to stand at the bar every time. God, this is a godforsaken city. We'll catch you guys tomorrow for a gold. We'll catch you for Thursday for a full new episode.

And all right. We'll be back. Bye. Bye.