KFC Radio - Mary Beth Barone, Space Race 2.0, & The Dean Browning, Dan Purdy, Patti Labelle Fiasco

Episode Date: November 12, 2020

Subscribe, Rate, and Leave a Review! - It is uncharacteristically hot in NYC - Space Race 2.0 is on against Russia for a new vaccine - We explain the Dean Browning, Dan Purdy, Patti Labelle Fiasco - AITA Thursday - Voicemails (01:20:30) Mary Beth Barone joins the show! We talk about @draghisass, what makes someone a fuckboy, therapy, and we answer the age old question, would you have sex with Bernie Sanders? Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @MaryBethBarone Subscribe to our youtube for daily videos: youtube.com/c/kfcradioYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. America's back! Better than ever, motherfuckers! The country is back, and so is Russia. Like, let's go fucking toe-to-toe with Putin, and let's beat his ass. We're smarter than the Russians, right?

It's another edition of KFC radio on the Barstool Sports Network. As you listen to this, it's fucking November 12th. And it's another, you know, 60, 70 degree day as I'm recording this. It's in the goddamn 70s in New York. It's a hot and humid summer fucking day In the middle of November I can't handle that Mother nature you fickle bitch you Make up your fucking mind

And cut it out I can't do it I'm in hoodies and jackets now I want to wear boots You got the Frank the Tank belly sweat going You got tit sweat Let's be clear about what it is. It's titty sweat.

You got titty sweat in November. I wore a raincoat here because it was going to be raining on the way home. That's the worst. When you're wearing a raincoat and it's hot and it's not raining. It's like wearing a garbage bag. I think it's how Martin Lawrence almost died. Or Eddie Murphy. Someone went jogging in California with garbage bags.

It's 104 degrees. It just passed out, obviously. That's what you do. But I've gone full. I'm the exact opposite. You know when climate change deniers are like, oh, I thought of global warming. It's snowing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm the exact opposite. It's global warming. It's getting hotter. It's hot in November. It's obviously global warming. It's not just a one-week thing. It's too fucking hot. I mean it and it's wet and humid it's like like if i could deal with if it was just like a nice 70 still too much you want to give me a 60 degree day in november

but it's got to still be like somewhat crisp you know this is just disgusting i think i just get out of the shower huh i think i just let a man die because of it. Huh? I think I just let a man die because of it. You let a man die? I think so. What do you mean? It was, I was just walking to work, and there was a homeless person in the middle of the ground, and they were like, just kind of like moaning, and I was like, man, I'd love to help you, but it's just too hot today.

I gotta get to the air conditioning. What? What? How did you not tell me this story immediately? Also, by the way. I mean, it's not that wild of a story. It just happens all the time in New York. A homeless person on the ground, you walk around him. It could have been cool 40 degrees and you were walking around that motherfucker.

You were not helping. I'm blaming the climate and Mother Nature. You made me do this, you bitch! That blood is on your hands, Mother Nature. i mean if it was cooler you would think actually the homeless probably love this the other day when it got real cold i was thinking like man i don't think anyone loves this i don't think anyone loves i mean i i think when the when the winter's about to hit and you're homeless in new york you appreciate a 70 degree day i think you should be because the winter's not about to hit it hasn't gotten particularly cold. It's gotten like in the 50s.

Yeah, there was one day where it was like cold. I haven't worn anything more than a white jacket. I saw them like, you know, hunkering down inside their boxes and I was like, oh, like some legit Game of Thrones shit. Winter is coming.

And now they're probably, but you know, I've seen homeless people, they get picky too. It's like that bum who I went and tried to give white castling. He said, that's bad for my cholesterol. There's probably some bum out there going, I got titty sweat today, man. It's like that bum who I went, tried to give white castle. And he said, that's bad for my cholesterol. There's probably some bum out there going,

I got titty sweat today, man. Where's the winter. I don't care that I live on the streets. This is awful. It's how bad the weather is. The homeless even hate it. I had a homeless guy come up to me yesterday.

I was waiting on line outside the city MD clinic to get my COVID test. And I was wearing, you got it back. Yeah. Negative. Make it clear. Bingo. Bingo.

Uh, and I was wearing, uh, Masha's new sneakers and he like stumbles over me. Negative. In the clear. Bingo, bingo. And I was wearing Mosh's new sneakers. And he, like, stumbles over me. He's all fucked up. He's like, yo, man, when you get those sneakers? And I was like, fuck. Because he started, he was talking to everyone on the line. And I actually, it was funny.

The guy behind me started to engage him a little bit. And I was like, these dumb fucking people who actually engage. Like, just keep your head down. Say sorry. Look the other way, and they'll go. And then he started talking about sneakers. And I was like, well, yeah, man. They're actually this custom sneaker from this guy that I know.

This is his first original. I'm like, what am I doing? God damn it. I'm breaking my own rules. Maybe if you worked a little harder, you could get yourself a bit. So he says to me, he's like, how much do those run you? And I was like, well, again, I'm talking. They're handmade.

They're custom. They're pretty expensive because of that. It's his first small batch release. And he's like, but you got the hookup, huh? I'm like, yeah. And he's like, well, how much for me? And I was like, but how much for you? You're homeless.

I don't think you can afford any sneakers at all i like to think that he's set any up tasks for a dollar like how much those sneakers you can keep well they're italian handmade and they the vibrams here are just a completely new foot support and it's it's really a scientific experiment when you think about it and this is fucking silks from the finest of the Orient. I got this from the triangle trade. And he's like, all right, man, can I get a dollar? No, I don't have that, dude. I don't have that at all.

Do you have a square on you? Because I'll give you a swipe if you'd like. Oh, man, I can't. The weather is just a catastrophe, though. Just take me now. Just COVID kill me if this is going to be. COVID might kill you. Because I'll tell you what.

We've kind of slept on COVID a bit. Yeah. COVID's run up the score at this point. I mean, COVID's just fully fucking back. You know what? It's actually. Fully back. We're just like, whatever.

It's a fascinating. Sorry, I'm tired of staying in that house. This whole. Yeah, this whole thing. When you look back, it's going to be a very interesting case study on like science and diseases and pandemics and the spread and all that. It's also just. This thing is really totally dictated, not even necessarily by the media, although that's

obviously part of it, just by like the sociology of people. Like it was it was a big deal when we said it was a big deal. And it's not a big deal when we say it's not. And obviously it's not. It's going to just fucking ramp sociology of people. It was a big deal when we said it was a big deal, and it's not a big deal when we say it's not. And obviously it's not. It's going to just fucking rampantly kill everyone. But we all, as a collective, we're just like, we're not doing it this time. We're just not.

Dude, you know last Tuesday was the first time it hit 100,000 cases? So it's actually growing up. We're hitting new highs. Let me finish. Do you know yesterday was the first time it hit 200,000 cases? In where? In America? That is so many cases. Are less people dying?

Is it less hospitalizations? I feel like in the beginning it was like, if you get it, you're fucked. And now, if Chris Christie can survive it, he must have got a weak strain or something. He must have got like some. Oh, he was in the ICU. Yeah, but he should be fucking dead.

Did you see Chappelle? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, Chris Christie's badass is in the ICU. Chris Christie got all the fixings. I mean, if that didn't kill him, though, I feel like something's changed. They get different medicines. Yeah, they get the good shit. They get that good, good.

I got a million DMs from everyone from fucking people saying they're interns at Pfizer. Like, they're going to fucking know. Oh, my God. To people who are saying that they're important. I'm like, oh, yeah, you're important at Pfizer, but you're DMing the guy on Instagram who makes fucking stupid videos every day? Yeah, I'm sure you're. What were they saying? One was just like that.

They did know about it. And, you know, they actually the intern advisor, the one commonality that I did see, if there is any validity to these these not valid people, was that it was more like they just don't want to be involved in the election at all. Yeah. Not that they were picking a side or hated Donald Trump or whatever. But that they – how about the Pfizer guy who cashed out all his stock? He sold 60% of his holdings on the day that they announced the vaccine. But it was predetermined back in August. He had a stock option that was like,

the option cashes in, or whatever the terminology is, on November 8th, or whatever the date was. And so it wasn't in his control. So he sold? Was it exceptionally high, or was it low? I think it was high because of that announcement. I feel like it would go higher, though. You'd want to keep it. Once the pricing comes out, it's comes out so that but like that's why this this was just like he had

stock options he went to cash them in however that investment mechanism works they were like okay like you can't you're collecting okay you'll get paid out on whatever the date is whatever this price is on november 10th or whatever and then i don't know if he could orchestrate it where it's like all right well let's announce it on that's a terrible idea i don't know if he could orchestrate it where it's like, all right, well, let's announce it on Friday. That seems like a terrible idea. I don't know much about stocks. I probably should learn more. But the, like, three months out, whatever it is, however many months we are removed from August, being like, whatever the stocks are on that day, that's when you have to cash out. I'd be like, well, I'll wait to figure out what they fucking are. Maybe I'll keep them.

But sometimes you can't. My uncle worked for Citibank, and he had, like, stock options that they he had to cash in right during their like the 09 recession and it was like at an all-time low and he thought he had like a you know multi-million dollar stock option to retire to one day and he didn't and he had nothing was that like an alt yeah he had like nothing and it was just like the worst fucking timing in the world but that's the way you know when he got that stock option in 1985 or whatever, they were like, you'll collect it in 25 years from now is 2009. And like, that's it.

And he just couldn't do anything about it. So this is, I guess. Yeah. I mean, he's if I were him, I would full. I would go full Michael Douglas and falling down. I would just kill the whole city. And then and then when people like, why are you doing this? I'd be like, listen, i had a city stock option and

they'd be like oh okay yeah like shoot away fucking go ahead i just go victoria's secret whatever that guy's name was i just jump off the golden gate yeah that's just just don't take anybody else out with you just kill yourself yeah don't kill yourself um speaking directly to him i just don't want to kill himself everybody else can kill themselves. He listens, so don't kill yourself. Anybody who stinks in bed, also don't kill yourself because Roman is here for you. There's probably some kids out there who got dick problems. I mean, that can really weigh on a guy. Oh, boy, I couldn't imagine.

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You start losing your hair. That's tough. You can overcome those things. You got a real bad dick situation. Either you can't get it up or you pop off too easy. And that's going to completely change who you are as a person. Just knowing, waking up every morning and knowing, I did not pleasure my partner last night.

Yeah. Or even worse. You wake up in the morning and you got a partner to pleasure that night coming up. And you're like, I'm not going to. Oh, yeah. You're not even excited for your date. You have a funeral to go to that night. it's like dead man walking you just know you're gonna walk in and get slaughtered there and you're still gonna do it anyway because you know you got it you got to still roll the dice right it's a beautiful girl this might be

the one time yeah maybe it works maybe you know maybe she just happens to get off quickly but i gotta try and you know it's not gonna and then eventually it gets to the point where you probably don't i bet you stop going on dates or you make up excuses or you cancel or whatever and next thing you know you die alone all cause your dick sucks and a few years ago from the beginning of time up until

a couple years ago you couldn't do anything about that and then a company like Roman comes along and saves the goddamn world as we know it gets your dick hard with the ED medicine gets your dick uh keeps your dick hard with the Roman swipes. Now, if you don't want to do like a medication, a prescription, I can understand that. Sometimes people don't like to go that far with it.

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Get the swipes for just five bucks. Pharmaceuticals, man. They are the most important thing in the world, especially right now with the vaccine talk. Pfizer announces on Monday they've got a vaccine 90% effective. They can start mass producing it in the third quarter of 2021. And lo and behold, this morning, Russia announces they've got their own vaccine. That's 92% effective.

And they went ahead and named it Sputnik. And so if you ask me, we got ourselves a whole new space race. We got ourselves a whole new Cold War Russia versus USA race for a national pride type of achievement. We did it in the 60s with the moon. Who could get to the moon first? Not only was it like, I don't know, maybe we find some cool shit on the moon, but it was more about like pride and global dominance and who was the smartest and most capable country and we're gonna do it again with this with this vaccine and i think it's what the country needs i think i think we need some good old uh nationalism we need some old national pride we need we need to fuck yeah we need to get a little more xenophobic we need a little bit more of that that little what they call it jingoism right we need a little more xenophobic. We need a little bit more of that. What they call it, jingoism, right?

We need a little more jingoism in our lives. We either need the aliens to come down like an Independence Day where all the countries come together, or let's just pick Russia again and fight them, and we'll do it in the form of science, and red and blue can all come together, and we say, fuck Russia, and we go get the vaccine first. I think we already did it, to be honest. I think if you can take one good thing from the Trump administration, it's that it made Russia the villain again. Because I'll be honest, I was getting tired of movies with fucking Abu Dhabi filters on.

We're just like, yeah, we get it. We're fighting Muslim people. I'm fucking sick of this. This is just like every fucking movie. For. This is... Every fucking movie. 20 for 20 years now. Every goddamn movie is they just throw a little fucking Instagram filter on it and they speak a different language.

They tie a turban on it. They have that funny type, the funny fonts. I've seen the movie a million times. I'm ready to get back to the 80s and fight the fucking Russians. Ready for Rocky IV. And like in perfect russian form these fucking idiots first thing they do name it sputnik sputnik name it the 86 red socks i was gonna say you were almost there but you're fucking lost you lost the hell does this matter unless

they're like you know like sputnik was in the air for two months before it came crashing down they should have been like uh you know if they if they named it that and they were like we are going to like right the wrongs of the past like Like, this time Sputnik will win. I could get down with it. But, I mean, you just named it the loser. Just name it. It's like having a kid die and naming your next kid the same name. That doesn't make any fucking sense.

Let's just run it back. Try it again. You're putting bad juju on that fucking kid. You're going to lose. The poor Sputnik vaccine is like, really, dude? You set me up for failure here. This thing was over before it started. I'm calling him Steve 2.

Sputnik 1, we got Sputnik 2 now? Where's the other Steve? Didn't work. We got to run it back with Apollo then. Apollo's got all the good stuff. Apollo won. Apollo 11, let's do it. Yeah, but our last Apollo wasn't.

What was our last Apollo? Was it 13? No. Did it change after Apollo 13? They might have stopped. They was our last Apollo? Was it 13? They should have stopped after 13. They should have been like, whoa. I want to say 15. I was going to say Apollo 15. How did the 17 mission end?

Looks like we landed on the moon. All right. Apollo it is. Apollo 18. Let's go. Apollo 18 is the new vaccine name, and it's a little rock, flag, and eagle. We need a little red, white, and blue here, baby. Our last episode, who's back in the week? The American flag? America's back. Better than ever, motherfuckers.

The country is back, and so is Russia. Let's go fucking toe-to-toe with putin and let's beat his ass we're smarter than the russians right well here's the thing though okay here's the thing i'm thinking personally no yeah but what about okay well we i think we have enough indian immigrants that we're now smarter than the russians we got all the smart people from other countries i don't know how many we got enough asians and indians that we're smarter than the russians i don't know how many nazi scientists we still have around but like if we combine them and the indians like i think americans are smarter that would be so great if there was

like let's introduce now the american panel of scientists who defeated covid some decrypt war criminal and And a fucking Patel. It's like Rami Patel and some Asian guy and that Von Braun, Von Buren, whatever his name was from fucking Nazi Germany. Some dude with a fucking big bird tattoo on his chest. And we have Danny Vineyard, right? What's his name? Who's that? The guy from Edward Norton's

character in American History. Yeah. Have fun with this graphic, Nick. Have fun making the promo for this. America!

We got the flag waving behind him. We got a bald eagle landing on some Japanese fucking scientist's arm with a couple of skinheads and an Indian. We did it.

America. As American as apple pie. Thetaphobia wins again, bitch. I love you. It's what we need, man. Nothing brings people together like a good old fight with the Russians. Now, but here's the thing. Getting to the moon was kind of like a very obviously like a tangible we are better smarter stronger faster than you

this though at the end of the day like if russia if russia just has a better vaccine i'm taking the right if russia is like well ours is a hundred percent effective and the american one's like well we've seen some problems i'm like well i well, I'm going to go get the Russian. Not me, man. America? Not me. I drive a Chevy. Also with the American.

And I take Apollo shots. We do domestic. I take domestic drugs that stink, okay? Unless it's cheaper and better. Hang on, a Toyota's only $13,000? Well, never mind. The RAV4 moves beautifully. 42 miles to the gallon. Chevy and Dodge, you'll fuck themselves. Sorry, Detroit, you? Well, never mind. The RAV4 moves beautifully. 42 miles to the gallon.

Chevy and Dodge go fuck themselves. Sorry, Detroit. You're out of business again. General Motors go fuck itself. I'll drive a Hyundai. I'll do a Subaru. I don't give a shit. Whatever happened to Mitsubishi, by the way?

I don't know. You don't see those anymore. Yeah, it went out with a Motorola. Same company. Mitsubishi. You had a Razor and an Eclipse? Woo! That's what you were.

Cool son of a bitch. Oh, man. I knew this kid, Tommy Mullen. He had a white, which is usually girly, but this was cool. He had a white Mitsubishi Eclipse with a spoiler, and he had the tinted windows that faded to mirror. It went from tinted black to a mirror reflection, and he had rims and shit as a 17-year-old. I'd walk into so many polls if he was parked on the side of the street. Yeah, man. Oh, yeah. If you check yourself out. Yeah, he looked cool as shit. He probably had a Raz reflection, and he had rims and shit as like a 17-year-old. I'd walk into so many polls if he was parked on the side of the street.

Yeah, man. Oh, yeah, if you check yourself out. Yeah, he looked cool as shit. He probably had a razor, too. What happened to Azuzus? Remember those? Azuzu. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think the terrorists bought them all. Yeah, I've only seen the trucks that say Azuzu on the grill. I feel like everyone in ISIS drives either an Azuzu or a Ford Ranger. Tough luck for those cars. You always see those fucking things. The ISIS trucks. That is tough. I'll tell you what, by the way, it's like 4 p.m. somewhere, right?

It's 4 p.m. in like Hawaii. Johnny's on a 12 p.m., 4 p.m. shot right now. It's earlier in Hawaii. Well, I mean, we gotta go. I gotta go, like, yeah, so we gotta go. I think somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic. Yeah, it's like six, so we're like... Germany? Perfect.

That's where we're getting our scientists. Yeah, so bottom line is, like, fuck Russia, but also if they have a better drug, I'll take that shit. I don't think I would take a Russian drug. I think I'm too American. I think my blood would reject it. Fucking MAGA over here.

My American blood rejects science. I can't get COVID. I believe in Donald Trump. I bathe in the blood of Christ. I'm good. You're going to sign up with Kenneth Copeland. You're going to blow away. With my American breath, I'll blow away the fucking – the COVID.

You can't – no Russian drugs for me. I would just automatically assume that the Russian drug will be inferior. But I'm saying if I knew it was not. Like I'm pretty positive the American drug will be the best form of it. I don't know anymore. Maybe not. Maybe that's just me being a dumb, arrogant American.

Maybe we're not anymore. But it's not Americans making it. Well, they're Americans, but they're like, they're not like you and me. They're better than us. They have better tans. They're fucking smarter. Not the garbage people of America.

They're the real people of America. Not the fucking Irish. Not the Irish. We'll be okay. I guarantee you there's no mix or O's on the panel at Pfizer making the fucking vaccine, okay? There's no Jimmy. Not that Paul O'Malley comes out and says he did the vaccine. I'm like, fuck, I'll take the Russian one.

When Jimmy McNulty comes out, he's got rosy cheeks and he's got like the shakes a little bit. He's like, yeah, we've been working around the clock to get this vaccine done i'm gonna go over to the ruskies okay again i want my fucking doctors to be indian and asian and that's it i want my lawyers jewish i want my doctors indian and asian that's it i want my bartenders to be irish the only buddy the only person who's administering anything that goes into my body that's irish it's booze from a bartender. That's it. And it's the medicine I take the most. So maybe they are the best doctors. In a weird way, it's the most important medicine. But this medicine, not for the Irish.

No, no, no. No thank you. That's not our forte. I think I hit them all there. Equal opportunity offensive today. Let's get into, we got voicemails Equal opportunity offensive today. Let's get into it. We got voicemails coming up, of course. We got an interview with Mary Beth Barone. Right now out is a Behind the Blog with Bob Fox, which is so fucking good, except it's been eclipsed and overshadowed by the promotion for Behind the Blog.

The only thing better than the Behind the Blog interview is the behind the bog promo for for bob fox's episode nick stayed up for like 24 hours making bob's entire existence into the beginning of a marvel movie where you hear like the pages turning and you see everything like shooting across the screen and then like the marvel logo pops up except it says behind the blog it's the coolest thing i've ever seen made of parcel sports it's the best promotion in the history of this company so everyone go watch uh behind the blog we'll do am i the asshole in a minute but first um first it's a tale as old as time when a uh a soul singer from like this i don't know the 60s and 70s son turns out to be a a paid actor who will is is hired to protect a uh a government official who forgot to log out of their Twitter

account while tweeting that they were a gay black man from the wrong burner. I mean, who hasn't heard that tale before? And I tell that one to my kids before they go to bed at night. They say, Daddy, Daddy, tell me the Patti LaBelle's son is a paid actor presenting himself as a gay black man story. Everyone knows that one. This is one of the wildest stories of the year, and it's getting really no play. So I think we need to take it upon ourselves to make sure this is, that the world knows this one. It's brought to you by Screwball Whiskey.

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How about that guy, Eddie? Who's going back and listening to every single episode. He went and downloaded the KFC radio app. You can go on YouTube and find like episode like 50. But to get like the very first ones, you go get the app. And it's like from day one. And he already was like, oh boy some there's some stuff in these episodes yeah i almost wanted to tell him like maybe like i did i did tell him you did i did because i

keep some stuff to yourself i almost retweeted him and said you know anybody looking to dive in why don't you guys all do it together like go on this journey now start kfc radio from episode one and then i was like let's just let eddie do that by himself and then i dm them and i said listen let's just not say anything you know he's like no i'm just i'm just here to have like walk down memory lane but he goes but he goes uh there's a couple things right off the bat and he's like and there's also a lot of foreshadowing with you guys so i'm sure we were saying all sorts of shit that are pointing and pointing us to this very direction right here uh anyway so if you're like ed Eddie and you're listening to this show,

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Go to ScrewballWhiskey.com for more info and buy now. Drink responsibly. Advertisement by Screwball Spirits, LLC, San Diego, California. Whiskey with natural flavors, 35% by alcohol volume. So, yeah. Okay, hang on. We do have a correction here okay it seems like it's actually pilot does nephew okay that that actually does make a little bit more sense because like

i feel like patty labelle's son would be more uh you know we would know twitter twitter is reporting it as as patty labelle's son but vulture seems to have it as patty labelle's nephew they definitely have many pictures together. Okay, so let's start from the beginning. Dean Browning, who is like a – He's a former Lehigh County Commissioner in Pennsylvania. Okay, so he's in Pennsylvania. He's a Trump guy. He tweets replying to this guy, clearly forgetting to log out of a burner account.

He says, I'm a black gay guy, i can personally say that obama did nothing for me my life only changed a little bit and it was for the worse everything is so much better under trump though i feel respected which i never do when democrats are involved and it's a very funny thing when you see that tweet and then you look right above it and it says dean browning with his little check mark and his fucking white face as the avatar. It's Francis's dad. It is. It really looks like a Francis Ellis. Yes.

So. Also, just like that one doesn't make it. Now, I forget since Massachusetts was so ahead of the curve and we legalized gay marriage forever ago. But wasn't gay marriage legalized nationally on a national scale under Obama? So how could you be like a gay guy? Yeah. He did nothing for me. Well, he did.

Yeah. Like, you know, the most important thing happened under this guy's uh administration but so he rather than just like i mean when this happens to you you have to just like fade into oblivion at least for a little while most people just kind of take their medicine or they kevin durant if they just own up to it and they're just like yeah but when it's something as inflammatory as this i don't know if you can do that so this guy i know can i just talk about one thing about the psychology of that where like it just i guess a lot of people read comments but like does one comment ever sway like the two have a burner like kd likes to just fuck

around he says where it's like i don't believe when he says that by the way i kind of i'm kind of with you yeah but that like hurts him to his core. But it's the, like, has one comment ever actually swayed public opinion? It just seems like so much effort to have multiple burners. To just have this one tweet? Yeah. I mean, that's the thing. I think that they probably have, like, 20. And then people do.

Like, if you reply to something, like, 20 times, if you were to, like, open up a viral tweet and you see, like, the first, you know, 10, 15, 20 comments are 15 20 comments are all one direction you probably think all right like public opinion's going this way and if that's all the same guy now you're right like we were in behind the blog with bob fox he said uh when he first started and back in the day when we kind of had access to all the comments and the ip addresses he said there was one dude who had like 23 accounts and would just comment nasty like bob sucks this blog sucks this is trash on every blog and when you saw like 20 comments on a blog people that does like persuade people yeah you're right and he was like this one dude was like systematically

fucking with my career because whether or not you know it's not like barstool people would like read the comments like you're fired bob but it it does subconsciously get people's heads. For sure. So I think if you're the type to make a burner, you're probably the type to make 10 burners, 20 burners. Yeah, makes sense. But in this case, this is one comment, and I actually do appreciate him going full Costanza. He went to the Hamptons for his summer house with the Solarium. He hired a guy to come.

Oh, so his excuse was that wasn't my tweet. That was a message I got from a gay black man who I meant to cut and paste. He was scared to say it publicly. I can read you his exact tweet. Regarding the tweet that is going viral for my account, I was quoting a message that I received earlier this week from a follower. Sorry if context was not clear. Trump received record minority votes and record LGBTQ votes. Many people many people won't say vocally but do in private so he is trying to say

that his message was like oh well here's a message from a gay black guy who said this even though he just conveniently forgot to describe that context as he describes it at all and you know he thought like oh i'll just say that it was a message from someone else and I just fucked it up. Like, yeah, got him. And goes as far as getting this man to put out a video saying, hi, my name's what? Dan Purdy. Dan Purdy. That's so funny, by the way.

Like, if I was like a celebrity checking into hotels and needed an alias right now, I'd be Dan Purdy. I'm Dan Purdy. Actually, we'll just play the play the clip here hey guys my name is dan purdy and i am indeed a gay black man the message that you saw on dean's twitter was posted i don't actually know how it was posted but i did send it to him because i had a problem with how people of my race and sexual persuasion are treating Donald Trump. I don't have a problem with Donald Trump on those levels, and I don't understand why so many pretend to. Donald Trump has never done anything to hurt me, either as a gay man or as a black man,

nor has he done anything to hurt anybody in the four years that he's been in office, because he hasn't had time to so what's the big deal i sent that message to dean dean accidentally posted it somehow and that's the end of the story no he's not a sock puppet no i'm not a bot i hope you understand uh it turns out he's not dan purdy. He's Bob Hoyt. William Holt. William Holt. H-O-L-T-E.

Oh, I was thinking for a second. I thought it was Steve Holt. Steve Holt! So he's William Holt. But he, like, it's like spells it. William is his birth name, but I believe it goes by Bill, spelled B-Y-L. Dumb asshole. Which is what the reaction was.

People who had come across him before said, I've seen this guy before. I've seen him on Twitter. I've seen his videos. This guy's a true piece of shit, an absolute dickbag. Like, fuck him. And then they start digging into him. And at first, the rumor was that he's Patti LaBelle's son. Turns out it's actually Patti LaBelle's nephew, which is a degree of separation that makes a little more sense. But I mean,

talk about a mad libs, insert name, insert adjective, and come up with your own headline, a false, what do they call those things? Like when they're, when you're like a paid actor to do like a false flag operation, a crisis actor,

a crisis actor posing as a gay black man who messaged a Republican representative who forgot to log out of his burner in order to prove his fake story true also turns out to be the nephew of a legendary soul singer it does feel like it is son or nephew of the legendary Patti LaPelle what in the and so now I ask what would you have done if you were dean browning and you sent that tweet and then let's say choose your own adventure let's say you did choose to go with this paid actor route what do you do once that's proven false and you're the patty labelle son hire i see i think he just fucking it's crazy that just in this day and age like i think it'll just be forgotten i think you just go like he's got that tweet pinned like his original not not the one viral but the one

he responded yeah yeah yeah so it was like i think the original one that he was responding to was like biden will destroy in four months what trump built in four years or whatever it was something along those lines and then that's when he responded to that tweet is pinned because he only has like 50 000 followers and that has like 12,000 retweets. And people just, there is just no shame anymore in the world. Like, yo, you got, that would fucking, that should destroy you. That should be like, you need a new identity. Your career is over.

You need to get out of the transfer papers. And I don't know what his career is. He just doesn't have a career. So it's just like, oh, people are talking about me. But I don't understand how people have that fucking just i don't have that sense of embarrassment and shame i know i just don't it's gone it's gone from those people there's two reasons one is that people just don't have the shame anymore they just like don't care anymore but two i think it's almost smart in a way to recognize that especially on the internet where this is all

happening that like 90 of the internet's fucking dumb yeah stupid higher like yeah like like 99 like there's no there's a one percent of people and they are going to clown this guy forever he will never have the respect of anybody ever again that has a brain but there's enough people out there that are probably like yeah oh yeah yeah yeah you've got the message from the guy and just forgot to i don't know how to use twitter either i get confused sometimes on how to quote tweet or you know like you have to be an old asshole and like not only an old asshole but you have to be an old asshole who wants to believe this story because anyone anyone who like just like looks at it objectively like obviously the guy has a fucking burner account it's just like and he's not the first person with a burner account we've

caught a million of them before right but like it's clearly just a burner account he forgot to log out and switch it happens literally all the time and to believe this one is just fucking idiotic so stupid but what you i think also what happens is like it's kind of like um stormfront on uh the boys where she's like i got this army like you you know there's thousands and thousands and thousands of people being like, oh, that guy's an idiot. And whatever, we keep it moving. And there's probably less thousands or maybe an equal amount that just believe him because they side with him and his politics. That will ride for him, though.

There's people who are, like, supporting him. So if you're him and you look at, like, the tweet. Let's say we sent a tweet being like, you're a fucking idiot. And you sent a tweet being like, this guy's a dumb asshole. You're like, okay, whatever. And then you have, like, ten more of people being like, tweet being like you're a fucking idiot and you send a tweet being like this guy's a dumb asshole you're like okay whatever and then you have like 10 more of people being like yeah like trump trump trump biden like biden sucks like forgetting like they just don't it's like what trump does where it's like he's not actually answering the question this guy's not actually even addressing even in his response he quickly ends it with like trump

will do more than biden did you know what i mean so it's just like let's talk about this instead and he has a whole army of people who will talk about that and he just just stop caring it is just don't like what we're describing is a cult and it is like but it's like this guy's not even a guy to ride like this guy's a fucking nobody he's a former but these lehigh county commissioner you just like all he all he said was he likes trump and like you're willing to like that's all it's fucking die for like he's a fucking nobody with his his 50 000 followers i would guess he probably gained 10 to 20 of them in the last 24 48 hours this guy's career just got made he's literally a nobody why would you like just be like fuck it like he's an idiot move on this is the best thing that ever happened to him it's it's

and and he's not going anywhere but like the tommy laren's of the world and the people who like did make careers off of it it they never do it those people are all pretty savvy and smart but if they ever did have like a fuck up like this like even like gun girl it's like she probably just took that and ran with it and got more people than ever and like as long as people rally around you it's like okay yeah these people make fun of me but all these people like me and i'm just gonna focus on that it's like i don't understand i just don't get the psychology behind like being fine with having so many people hate you. Because you know you're saying stupid things. You're willing.

I don't. I mean, some of them. It comes down to some of these people. I don't know if there's the. There's obviously an amount. But if it's just. If it's not retire by 40 money. Yeah.

Then I don't want everyone to hate. I don't. I always thought that was a common human instinct. But what you're going to say there is just not the truth. I thought it was human nature. I just want people to like me. That's the thing. That's what I think you don't realize.

For every one person like us being like, fuck this guy, there's probably people who are like, Dane Browning, let's go. So it's like, if you want to say, I want to be smart, I want people to like, that's a different story. i don't feel like me for me how about that i'll be like me for being genuine and i'm like actually expressing what i really feel and not just like but even that they kind of he kind of is like trump trump trump and they're like yeah yeah yeah but you're not being you when you're fucking pretending to be someone else like like yeah if you just but it's all fine whatever it's all in the name of but if you like if you just like, it's all fine, whatever. In his mind, it's all in the name of

But if you're like committing like subterfuge to fucking get people to think that like you're just, if you just had that one tweet, I'd be like, whatever, that's stupid. But like, I wouldn't be a big thing. Like, I disagree with that person. But when you fucking have this whole

scheme concocted, it's like you're just being fake and a fraud and a fucking loser but they yeah and people like us who like aren't don't care enough to go to that length but the people who do and the people who want to make the money and the people who don't care about like the opinions of other like the message here is like you can just orchestrate and scam your way into a career as like a political commentator or a twitter personality like that fucking trash bag woman who says trump 2020 oh what is she doing right now she must be going crazy what's her name she goes trump 2020 motherfucker fuck out of here she's like this long island trash everyone says

she looks like the tracheotomy woman she is like the biggest trump trump supporter in the world like i mean you cannot like script like Tim Dillon was like, this woman, this is my mother. To put that, that's her. She was the biggest Trump fan in the world. I don't know, I think she has like 100,000 followers or something because she just was so outwardly beating the drum and

that girl has, she's selling merch and shit like that. She's probably making money and it's all because you just say what you want. That's fleeting. This guy, because he's got the check and everything that like this will probably be a launching pad but just because like one viral video like we've seen that a million times in life doesn't matter what is one people think they're famous from one they start selling merch the fucking who's that fucking bagel midget he fuck yeah no but this i mean this girl i mean she's she she's been doing it through like the whole Trump era, I think.

I thought it was just one time. No, it's not only one time. What's her name? But, like, and, yeah, so it's more rare than, like, you know, it's happening less often than not. But, like, it's just if you have no shame and you have the drive to, like, do this, you can do this. That's what's crazy is you can just, like, manipulate the Internet now because there's still so few people who are savvy enough that if you're even a little bit savvy, you can trick the old people. You can trick the dumb people.

You can trick the people who just want, like, the cult members who just want to be together. And next thing you know, you have, like, a father. I used to think that the Internet was like a great meritocracy. Where it was like, if you're funny, if you're interesting, if you're whatever, people will find it. And then that's, you know, maybe you make it, maybe you won't. And like, I know there were people back in Barcelona back in the day would like have like comments being like the opposite of Robbie Fox.

It was hilarious, it was hilarious. I never did that because I was like, I hope I'm funny enough. I hope I'm interesting enough. And maybe I am, maybe I'm not. And now it's just all anyone does. It's all these burners, all this shit of just trying to shape it. Just try and be you. And maybe it works out.

Maybe you're great. Maybe you have to go become an accountant. But at least give it a shot. I hate this scheming bullshit. It's so fucking fake. Now, having said that, how much would it cost to be Dan Purdy? Because I got a number. To be Dan Purdy

is particularly like that. That guy is trash. I wish they came to me. Because I'd do it. If he had said I'm a white gay guy and they were like, we need someone. We'll see what fights at Barstool is doing. I would do that in a heartbeat.

Because it would be funny, because they'd be like, that's just Fights. That's just clearly not a... He's maybe gay, we don't know. That might be you coming out. Imagine if that was you coming out. They'd believe that more than they believe this. Imagine if people were just like,

wait, did Fights just come out? That might have been real. Did Fights just come out as like a DM to Dean. If Feist just came out, he DMs Dean. Dean Downing or whatever his name is. Dean something. That number to be Dan Purdy. Now, the Republicans are throwing around cash. Because did you see what the other guy just got?

They got a guy to say he was committing major mail and voter fraud. And he went along with it for 24 hours. And then was like, oh, hey, I can get in trouble for this. Never mind. They paid me $130,000 to say that. Wow. So that's some chatter. That's some good shit.

Yeah. I was thinking they were getting, like, 5, 10 grand. Did you see the other one that they put on Fox News with the blacked out and the face? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is so funny. I'm trying to come up with an angle. Do you see what they're suing? So they're doing the ballot.

They have their ballots that they're challenging in Arizona, I believe it is, Maricopa County. There's only 140 of them. But I don't want to buy 14,000 votes. Or they're just trying to prove that it did happen. It happened. Of course it happened. There are instances of something. But on a widespread scale, no, it didn't happen.

Because even fucking Karl Rove says it's impossible. But here's the thing. They're not going to be effectively turn over the election. But if you plant enough of a seed of doubt and then you beat that drum and rally those people that believe in it, you can become a thing. You might not win the election for Trump, but next thing you know, you have your own show or some shit like that. I mean, it's fucking crazy. The number for me to be dan purdy am i me yeah if it doesn't count so if we're normal if we're normal people i think the number is actually kind of low because in that sense like like that this this goes away and dan purdy just goes back to his regular life like this doesn't So like in that sense, if I'm a normal person, I'd probably do it for lower.

But knowing that you can get 130 for that, I mean, that I think then that's worth. Well, it's not illegal, so it's got to be less than that. A hundred. But I would probably do it for like 10 grand. I was a regular person. Someone's like, can you make a video saying, hey, my name's Dan Purdy and I sent, all that guy said is

I sent him a video and I like Trump. And I think he is gay. So you're not even really lying. Right. So in that case, you're a regular guy, like 10K?

10K. I love Trump. Done. Obama did nothing to me. Bro, I do this shit for Cameo all the time. Whatever.

I do it for 40 bucks. I mean, fucking great. So yeah, 10K, that sounds good. I think it's definitely lower than 130. But also, I wonder what Dan Purdy's wondering now. Does he regret it? Because Dan Purdy didn't know what... That this was going to happen. He didn't know the internet.

Patti LaBelle's going to have this motherfucker waxed. Oh, Patti LaBelle's got to be so mad. My name is now caught up in this bullshit. And it's Trump-related. Like, any bullshit, but Trump-related. Like, Aunt Patti or Mama Patti is not happy. Biggest, I mean, we'll go into that by the asshole right now, but, I mean, Dan Purdy's the biggest asshole.

Or, no, Dean Browning's the biggest asshole. Dean Browning, yeah. Whatever his name is. Yeah, I want to say it gives you the C. But whatever. Who gives a fuck what his name is, honestly? Who gives a today. Dean Browning, yeah. Whatever his name is. Yeah, I want to say Dean to the C. But whatever. Who gives a fuck what his name is, honestly? Who gives a fucking shit? Fuck that, dude.

I'm just going to describe it as the former Lehigh County Commissioner, which I think I can run for right now and win. I don't know what exactly you have to do. I don't know if you have to be from Pennsylvania. I don't know. I bet I could run for Lehigh County Commissioner and win. There are plenty examples of this, but this is the new gold standard. Twitter, you gotta overhaul

your blue check. Yeah. Get rid of him, get rid of the fucking minor league baseball players. And the journalists who have like 200 followers from BuzzFeed or whatever. Come on! Used to mean something. NY the Asshole is brought to you by Liquid IV. You're an asshole if you're not

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than an orange. As much potassium as a banana. Go to liquid IV.com and use the promo code KFC at checkout. Get 25% off anything you order. That's liquidiv.com, promo code KFC for 25% off anything at checkout. Am I the asshole? Let's go. What do we got?

Am I the asshole today? We kick off one from our Facebook group. You can head over to KFC Radio on Facebook and sign up. You get all of our content. We also got a bunch of people chatting and interacting. So if you like other stoolies, and in this case, you can submit your Am I the assholes and then react to people's Am I the assholes? And this one, I believe everyone overwhelmingly called this guy an asshole.

Oh, yeah. So Joe says, Am I the asshole for showing up to work 45 minutes late saying I got pulled over, then leaving an hour later saying I need to get my dad from the hospital just because I'm too drunk to function from last night? Hey, I'm sorry. Can you repeat that? I showed Am I the Asshole for showing up to work 45 minutes late, saying I got pulled over, then leaving just an hour later saying I need to get my dad from the hospital, all because I'm just too drunk from last night to function. No!

Yeah, I was going to say, I thought this guy... Everyone says this guy's an asshole because he took the day off of work because he's hungover? I was like, what fucking broods are... This is our Facebook group- In what glass houses- This is our Facebook group? In what glass houses are we living, TFC Radio fans? This is the difference of Facebook and the rest of the fucking world. I don't know what goes on on Facebook, but all of a sudden, our people are too good for a little snake until you make it- Overwhelmingly, they said this man's an asshole.

Because he took a day off of work. And then, let me tell you the worst part of all- The fact that he even showed up immediately makes him not an asshole and then poor fucking Joe he was like you're right guys you're right I understand

no Joe you are not a fucking asshole man you're a guy who likes to live life you drink from the goblet of fire Harry Potter I said life

I didn't want to say life twice in a row you drink from the goblet of life yeah you do and you have fun and everyone else who says that's fucking an asshole move is a,

bro, fuck your company. Quit your job because of these people. Ready? You know what these people are? This is the first time I've ever used this. These people are bootlickers. Bootlickers. Bootlickers.

Yeah. You're just all about the man. Corporate companies trying to hold the man down. Unless you're a fucking pediatric surgeon, then no, you're not an asshole. Right. What the fuck? Like, what the fuck matters? I will say he is a little bit of an asshole, then no, you're not an asshole. What the fuck matters? I will say he is a little bit of an asshole, like you said, for even showing up.

If you have to do all that, if you're so hungover, for the most part, I think you're hungover, you go to class, you're hungover, you go to work, you just do it and you power through it because that's how the world works. But if you ever have one that's this bad, you take a sick day. I don't even call in. Yeah. I'm going to show up. What are you going to do, fire me? Fine, I'll get a new job. I don't even call in. Yeah. Don't show up. What are you going to do? Fire me? Fine.

I'll get a new job. Can't condone that. We do not. A little KFC radio disclaimer. No, you cannot do that, especially right now. Can you imagine that? It's like, dude, I can't get a new job in the pandemic, but I lost mine because I listened to KFC radio.

It said, just don't go to work. Yo, soon, once this vaccine is, there's's gonna be so many jobs. You're a fool if you don't quit your job. You're gonna have so many options to get a new job. All kinds of sick stuff's gonna be rent's gonna be fucking free. You won't even need a job, dude. What is your best

your most ridiculous excuse that you've used? I don't even reach out. I get that anxiety anxiety so i just fucking go to bed like whatever happens when i wake up is what happens and i'll deal with it at that point like i i've also never had to do this really uh i did it in college a lot like when i used to work at gnc i just closed the store who Who the fuck's going to come check? The register's really light when Final Board works.

I mean, I would regularly. I worked at GNC. I was in Providence at the time. And I work at the GNC in North Providence sometimes where find out what the vitamin. I believe it's a vitamin B powder. And it was our most expensive product in the store so it just looked like coke and coke deals were coming to buy it yeah yeah but and then i would also sometimes work at this store in seekonk or yeah seekonk i think it was and uh the one in seekonk in particular i just like it was like in a mall like a strip mall that like no one can't

get everything else was abandoned i just i'd go in and i would just close the store go to back go to sleep in the back like regularly dude sometimes i close the store go get a haircut like i was like we could do gnc fucking fire me like here's some more gnc insight don't ever listen to any of you ever go and do a gnc don't listen to the people you're listening to me i'd be like like oh which one of these will get commissioned on okay i'll fucking sell that one and say it's the best. I don't know what I'm talking about. They didn't even give me pamphlets. It was all on me to find the research, which I wasn't doing because I was a hungover college kid.

It's the most passionate I've seen in weeks. It was insane that people were like, oh, what do you think? Fraudulent and GNC employees. I'm trying to get bigger. What do you think I should take? Fucking protein, man. I don't know. I don't know. Optimum Nutrition fucking gives me five bucks every tub

I sell, so that one works. There's nothing. Don't listen to people at GNC. But yeah, that's like, I wouldn't make excuses. I'd just go to bed. I definitely once told a teacher, I can't remember exactly what. Teachers? Yeah, right. I'd make excuses for

teachers. I'd definitely use the, uh, like my, something like my sister was, like, sick. I've done sick quite a bit. Dude, teachers, I'm paying you. Fuck you. You're going to make an excuse to not come in. My grandma used to be. I agree with you, but we didn't finish college.

My parents are paying $60,000 for me to be here. I have to make an excuse for you? I think not. I'm sleeping in today. I, my, my grandma, uh,

and my mom to an extent, both kind of gave me their blessing at times to be like, you know, if you need to use me, like I, I have no problem with being like, yeah, you know,

my grandma, you know, she gave me that blessing. Yeah. Oh, I'd be like, I, yeah, you know, my grandma, you know, she used to have cancer. Gave you that blessing? Yeah. Oh, I'd be like, I never cared because I was raised by, I don't know, a mean hipster mother where it was just like, yeah, if you don't go to school, then don't go to school. Yeah, I mean, your mom was a gangster.

My mom was kind of like, my mom used to always say, like, all that matters is me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, where she said, like, if the principal gets mad at you, but, like, I'm okay. She was like, if someone, like, punches you in the face and you, like, punch back and then you get suspended for that, like, and your teachers and your principal are mad at you, that's okay. That's one of the craziest things in the world that that's not, like, he's, like, at a young age, we're taught that he started it isn't a viable excuse. It's such a viable excuse. It entirely is.

In everything in life. Like, arguments. I was just living my life, and this fucking asshole came over and punched me. Blame in general. He started it. I got to fight back. It's like, well, you know, why are the numbers low this quarter? And it's like, well, this guy who gets me, like, I can't even do my job until he does his.

He didn't do his job. He started it. Like, it all plays, and it's all real. Right started it or it's his fault is a thing i think his his fault is fairly accepted i think it like better be like well the guy didn't get me the fucking shit i needed so i didn't do it like the but like he started it like that's not an excuse john henry you're like what am i supposed to do just sit there and take it yeah fuck no um but yeah you know you know who would do that? These fucking KFC radio group people

who are yelling at Joe. Oh, yeah. Joe, you are not the asshole. Not the... Definitively not the asshole. And the fact that one person, let alone an overwhelming majority, said that is really disappointing.

Boy, this is not a great one. Am I the asshole for drinking cow piss? Okay. Last year or so, we had a school field trip to India. Boy, that's a hell of a fucking school field trip. He's from New Zealand. I guess that's not too far. Is it?

I don't know. That's pretty far. It's pretty far? You could have told me that New Zealand was 100 miles away or 1,000 miles away or 10,000. I don't know. I got nothing. It's closer than America. How about that? I that New Zealand was 100 miles away or 1,000 miles away or 10,000. I don't know. I got nothing. It's closer than America. How about that?

I think New Zealand's close to nothing. It's closer to India than we are. That's all I'm saying. It was a pretty fun trip, and quite honestly, I'd love to go back. India was pretty lit. Oh, boy. You're drinking cow piss, and you're saying things like India was pretty lit. Indians do a lot of weird stuff, though, and one of those things is drinking cow piss.

And no, I'm not joking in India. You can buy bottled cow piss and it's supposed to prevent slash cure diseases. I don't understand. It's medicinal properties and maybe it has something to do with Hinduism. I don't know. Well, we saw some bottles of it. It was written in Hindi or something. So I didn't understand it. So I bought it. I thought it was just juice or alcohol. A bunch of Indians are laughing at the, and the clerk, uh, and the clerk told me this is cow piss. I didn't believe him at first. And all my classmates are snickering. He explained it.

And me and my friends were like, no balls. You won't drink it. I guess that's a cool thing. The kids are saying no balls, no balls. Oh, that's the thing. What's been around? No balls. Yeah.

I've never heard that in my life. Uh, really? Like when you were a kid, you heard that? I mean, I would, I have a, how old is this person? Like, yeah, I would say in high school, college age. Yeah. I've never heard that in my life is that a regional thing perhaps uh and everyone put down 700 new zealand yeah 700 rupees if i can drink it if i failed i'd have to pay everyone there

300 rupees well i drank it and everyone snapchatted it and i made 49 000 rupees my girlfriend was disgusted she was pissed because my breath smelled like piss and she couldn't kiss me or anything, but more so because this brought shame to her as all the other girls were making fun of her since her boyfriend was... Is this Jetski? Didn't Jetski just do this? Jetski just had this happen with Daniela. The teachers and chaperones were pissed and told me that I wasn't allowed to buy anything else on this trip without their permission. I told them that they needed to chill out because drinking cow urine didn't break any rules. When the trip ended, I told the chaperone who tried to

kick me off for drinking cow piss that he's a piece of shit and he can go fuck himself. Alright, I mean, I thought this kid was going to be an asshole, but... No! Again, definitively, this is a non-starter. Especially in a... If you just went and

sucked a cow's dick while pissing him off, that's one thing. But yeah, when I go to the Caribbean, I drink rum. When I go to India, I drink piss. And I mean, India, maybe you guys want to clean up your image a little bit. That's not the best thing to have. Also, we made a pretty penny. 49,000 rupees. 800 bucks.

I mean, for a... If you're in the high school field trip, cow piss drinking phase, $800 is a lot of money. That's big bang. How many rupees was it? $49,000. About $800, right? It's about $80.

Oh. No. No, you're incorrect. $657.70. $700 to $1. I'm looking at $49,000 to USD. $657. a dollar. I'm looking at 49,000 rupees to USD. 657.7. What are you looking at?

I'm looking at 700. It was 700 rupees per person, right? Yeah, he said 49,000 total. Oh, 49,000? I thought it was 49,000. Yeah, so he must have had a bunch. He said 49,000, right? Let me just double check. Yeah, 49,000 rupees. So that was a lot of people.

About 700 bucks. Yeah, because that was probably like the whole class trip. You know? Yeah, that's big money. Now, I would... Right now, if I ever go to India, I'll tell you right now, I'll drink Capas. Oh, I will not. I participate in the culture, man.

I love immersing myself in the culture. I mean, have some fucking pride. Nah, man, I'll take a little. I mean, I imagine they fucking up a bit. He's not just straight, like, fucking cow's dick going into a bottle. What do you think, they pasteurize it or something? I don't know. I figure they do a little something-something.

Why would they do that? I don't know. Why would they do that? What do you think cow piss even looks like? I think it looks like probably regular piss. You think all piss is yellow? Probably. I do.

What if it's, like, purple? Yeah, that'd be piss. You think all piss is yellow? Probably. I do. It looks like purple. Yeah, that'd be funny. You know what is funny? How disgusting drinking cow piss is in my mind, but yet I'll drink it. Cow urine pills. Yeah, so it's a thing. But I'll pull on this other fucking thing that comes and that liquid that comes out of a cow and I'll drink it willingly. I'll chug it.

I'll love it. Give me a nice cold glass of milk from a cow and I love it. Some piss? No, thank you. You can love it. My guy right here is love it. Give me a nice cold glass of milk from a cow and I love it. Some piss? No, thank you. Me love it. My guy right here is loving it. You know when I never understood about cows? Understood.

Understood. Jesus. When they are inseminating the cows with their fucking, they put the condom on their arm, right? Yeah. Aren't they putting it in their asshole? Getting that prostate, baby. To inseminate them? Or they're getting the cum out?

Like, I always thought they were saying they were inseminating, but I guess they were just milking, getting the cum out to inseminate. Because I was like, you can't get pregnant in your ass. I don't know. I don't think I've seen much of it. You haven't seen when they just... I've seen that thing, but I thought that was just like fucking fixing constipation.

I didn't know that was in something. Maybe I'm just mixing it up. I mean, you definitively cannot get pregnant in your butt. I don't care what animal you are. You don't need to be Steve Irwin to know you can't get pregnant in your butt. And if you can, I need to know about it. That could be very dangerous. But, yeah, what's going on when you put your hand up a fucking

cow's ass? Cow Twitter, let me know. Last one here. Am I the asshole for telling my wife I don't want to look at her boudoir photos? My wife is two years older than me. This guy is so fucked. I read this already. This guy is so fucked. My wife

is two years older than me. She's 41 now, and I think she knows that she's been aging. Even though she takes reasonably good care of herself, it's pretty stark how she looks and how everybody else in our group of mid to late 30s people look. She must think I'm not attracted to her either. She has a friend who said she would give my wife a discount if she wanted boudoir photos done.

My wife went ahead and did them. Yesterday, she, quote, surprised me with them, with the results of them, saying that she hopes this, quote, helps. I frankly don't think boudoir photos make her any more or less flattering, and a quick glance at them did nothing for me. She kept trying to get me to take them and finally put the pictures on the couch behind us, and I told her to stop being desperate and that there's other ways to deal with the midlife crisis.

If that's what she's having, to be honest, I hated how desperate she was acting and knew that the pictures don't do anything for my attraction to her. Am I the asshole? Yikes. Bro, like just take the fucking pictures.

Yeah. Like, like, look, we as men, and I'm using the royal, not the personal, send fire pics around all the time that people don't want. You gotta fucking, your ugly wife's gonna need a picture for dance. Just take a look and fucking. And pretend they're hot. Stuff it in your fucking underwear drawer and never look again. It's like.

You can't, you can't kill someone's confidence like this. How hard is it to just be like, oh, baby, that's so sexy. Yeah. Just be like, that's hot. And like, you know, it sucks if you're the guy in the group whose wife is fat and ugly compared to the other girls. That sucks. And she probably knows it. And what are you going to do? It is what it is.

You can't unless you're going to just fucking dump her because she's ugly. You guys are together. Yeah, you should. And so she's trying. Maybe it's not, maybe it's not going to work, but she's trying. And I guarantee this guy's not fucking, you know, Fabio. So why don't you just look at it and be like, oh, babe, that's so hot. And then you go and fuck her and think of your, you know, hot ex-girlfriend or something.

If you knew this was coming, you should have just exchanged fucking manila folders with her. Here's my boudoir photos. Here's our divorce. Like, there's... I mean, clearly you're not attracted to this woman. I think that's a fair... It's a shallow and superficial reason. I think it's a fair reason to get a divorce.

I mean, I don't know. It depends on how old they are, where along they are. Early 30s or mid-30s. Oh, yeah, early to mid-30s. Like, and you just don't want to i it depends on how old they are where along the uh where where you're early 30s or early to mid 30s like and you just don't want to fuck your wife anymore probably time to move on i mean yeah yeah i i feel like but but you got to try to work through it first you got to at least like you got to at least you know try she's trying so at least try back you know it's like i've never had a significant other like show me something that that was not emotional but personal and not be like oh my god you fake all these things look at it's fucking it's fucking pam's art gallery opening you gotta

like make a to-do about it. You don't yuck people's yums. Especially when you go above and beyond and you do something as vulnerable as like, hey, I'm a fat girl who just took pictures of my underwear. Did he say she's overweight? No, but I mean, I don't know. He said it's pretty stark the difference. She's gross one way

or another. You got a gross wife. I'd rather be fat. Fat's better than ugly fat is so much better than ugly yeah at least you can fix fat can't fix ugly or well no you could um yeah i don't know i mean like i i i get like this probably something that happens in like every marriage or whatever but like i don't know man just fake it for a bit and then get the fuck out fake it to try and if he really can't fix it then Just fake it for a bit and then get the fuck out. Fake it to try. And if he really can't fix it, then you got to have a bigger discussion.

But in the moment of like, hey, I did this hot thing for you. Also, boudoir photos aren't fucking hot. That's a different story. My second half here is that this is like a girl thinking she's doing what guys want and it's like I don't want some black and white artsy photo of you in a negligee like with a fucking robe. I want to see your asshole. That's it.

Literally nothing. Couldn't do less. I need to see like a video of you fingering yourself and your butthole. Otherwise it's just the same reaction like oh that's cute. If you were like, hopefully this helps, become a cam model. Yeah, right.

That'll help. Become my personal cam model. You want to help? But just like a fucking Moulin Rouge photo shoot? I don't know. I don't fucking care. Yeah, no, I don't need that. Lady Marmalade can go fucking suck a dick.

That would get me going. If Lady Marmalade was sucking a dick, then I would find it hot. Voicemails today are brought to you by Features, the new socks that are changing the game. Socks have just been blah for eternity. Maybe you get some high ones, some low ones, some no-show ones, but they're all just the same blah.

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Features.com. That's Features, F-E-E-T, like Feet, Features, F-E-E-T-U-R-E-S.com slash KFC. That's Features.com slash KFC for $10 off your first pair. Let's go. Boys, pass. Hey, what's up, KFC? Fight.

Won't say first time, but long time for sure. I had a little picnic after smoking a bowl today. And I was like, one of my exes worked at a Victoria's Secret. And she told me that all day she's feeling tits, she's finding the right fit to make her these like tits look good and everything and then I went to myself well

why isn't there anyone that's making my dick look good like why can't they be like yeah this pair of pants or these boxers or whatever it is it's just gonna make your dick fucking look great. Like, yeah, here's the plan. Like, I understand that I'd be really uncomfortable with it.

But at the same time, like, come on, why can't we both live the same way? Well, two things. I would be surprised if I found out that, like, the Victoria's Secret girl's Secret girl is rubbing up on titties all day. I feel like maybe you might lift them or something. I don't feel like people are just getting their tits rubbed down all day. So that, I think you're a little bit exaggerating. And two, I mean, dicks are gross. And nobody wants to be touching dicks or rubbing dicks or thinking about dicks or focusing on your bulge.

Whereas tits and the female body is kind of sexy and cute and the guy's body is not. So I just don't want to think about your groin all day. But also, I've just thought about it myself. I got my good dick boxers. And I was going to say that. Do you need someone else to really, you know... I mean, I guess you could make the argument

that every pair of tits is different, so you need the right bra and all that, and every dick's different, so you need the right pants. But the idea is just to make it look big and bulging, right? So, you know, tight pants and tight boxers with a pouch. You got to have the pouch. The pouch is what makes it work. You got to have the pouch.

So it's really about the boxers because, like, pants are just whatever. But the pouch just makes your dick and balls look like a package. That's why I feel like I have a package when it's in the pouch. What have we made? Pouch pants? Dick boxers. Just like. What have we made? Pouch pants? Dick boxers. What if we just did this? It has a bit of a...

It's a little thicker. You know what? This is perfect. This is perfect because you got a little padding, which also helps me when I pee myself. When you pee your pants. Yeah. So it doesn't get through.

Yeah. So it's part diaper, part dick poach. We're about to make diapers, aren't we? We're about to make diaper boxers. I mean, it makes perfect sense. They already make them. When we made the pocket boxers,

those had a pouch that definitely helped your dick. So that exists. It's just all about marketing them as your dick boxers. So what if we call them Great Dick Day? You know, you have your Great Dick Day? Yeah. Great Dick Day, GDD. What about Big Game Boxers?

Big Game Boxers, I like that. Big Game Boxer Briefs, that was before Great Dick Day. I like that. We'll sell boxers and gray sweatpants. Maybe you can even bundle them together. You can wear them together. And Big Game Box boxer briefs. I mean, BGBBs.

Delete this. BGBBs is happening, okay? BGBBs with the gray pants, and it's marketed as, like, these will make your dick look bigger. It's only fair because, and also it's one of those things, too, where it's not, I almost feel like breasts are more susceptible to once they're unleashed from the bra being like oh that's not what they look like like dick like they're not gonna be it's not gonna be ridiculous it's not gonna be over the top it's just like it's a little something a little hey

how are you there's a penis in here is all we're saying yeah and then when you take those off it's just gonna be like oh, it was just at an angle. Because you never know with a pants tent. Sometimes you sit here and it just pops up. So no one's going to be like, oh, he was wearing fake boxers or whatever. No one's also going to fuck you because of them. I don't think. You know what? It helps you.

It's all confidence. Also, I'm thinking about making khakis. You know when all these guys go on the golf course and they put the ball in their pocket? We should just make pants that have that, whatever, something like that permanently in there. So that when they can go, oh, it's just the ball in your pocket, you're like, nah, man, I don't even have that in my pocket. I don't know what you're talking about. Maybe we'll just make pants with dicks already in them.

Pants with a dildo strapped to the crotch. No, but we're doing big game boxer briefs. For real, for real. Yeah, we're going to send that text right after this. Maybe have them ready for Black Friday. Hopefully doubt it, though. No, no chance. Actually, like zero chance.

No chance it's going to happen. Maybe we will beat Stump's butt, Nick. Yeah. Next up. KFC, Fights, BC, Jackie, Nick, fucking everyone. Got a question for you that's been on my mind, kind of a hypothetical. If you guys could be stuck in any one movie for the rest of your life, you can't get out of it, it basically just keeps replaying over and over again, what would it be?

I think the first one that comes to my mind, just for the sheer aspect of fun and partying and enjoyment, is probably something like Project X, where I could at least have a great fucking time for the rest aspect of fun and partying and enjoyment is probably something like Project X where I could at least have a great fucking time for the rest of my life. But what do you think? Let me know. So you're stuck inside the movie? Mm-hmm. Project X is a terrible answer.

Yeah, you just party the rest of your life. The best part about partying is the part that makes partying so great is all the time you're not partying. If you're just partying the whole time, partying starts to stink by the end of night one. Yeah, yeah. It's like it's the anticipation of partying.

Right. It's like, all right, I'm done. I did this. We're going to go fucking party tonight. Right. And then you start partying like this is fun

and the next day you're like, I don't really want to party for a little while. What movie would you want to live in for the rest of your life? And I'm living out my dream. Yeah, but then you want to do like crime,

be able to run from cops and shit all the time. That's stressful too. With family? Also, they're not the bad guys anymore kevin right they're the good guys yeah we got we got we got to do it we got we got to have the marathon you trent bob fox yeah we gotta do the marathon fucking eight fast and furious is in a weekend we gotta do that soon because i really want to watch Fast and the Furious alright Fast and the Furious for you because that's a redemption story

that's a tale of friendship and family and they do some partying and they do some fun stuff and they do some just casual cookouts I mean it's a great life it's an unbelievable life I would probably pick I would want to be in the Point Break Surfer Bank Robber Gang. Point Break 2?

No, Point Break 1. Oh, I've only seen Point Break 2. That's crazy. I saw Point Break 2 on a plane. Pretty good. That's so annoying. If you're in Bodie's gang, it's like Swayze's surfer extreme.

No one tell Dave that. He might fire me. Yeah, for real. You probably had to do a lot of faking over the years, no? Nah. You just never brought it up. We don't really talk a lot. But I was thinking like something,

that was the only thing that came to mind. Is there some movie where I can be like a surfer beach bum? Into the Blue starring Paul Walker. Yeah, okay. Yeah, they hunt treasure, right? They hunt treasure. Yeah, I want to be a treasure hunter on a boat that's also like a beach bum boat bum kind of guy. Dude, I've lived full of gold before.

Sometimes when I jump off that cliff there's no, because there's a cave underneath and sometimes I'll time it and go in with the water and go into the cave. Yo, you're officially too old to be doing that. You can't be doing those things anymore. You should have fear of those things by now. I don't know what's going on.

There is some fear, but that's what makes it fun. You're an idiot, but that's what makes it fun. No, you're an idiot. The only thing that makes things fun is it could kill you. I just totally disagree with that. I mean, don't get me wrong. Again, much like the party aspect, where it's like, doing the not fun things

makes that one. If I was an adrenaline junkie who lived on the edge the whole time, I'd get tired of it. But doing the I might get trapped in here and just fucking drown. Pretty fun. Yeah, awesome. Yeah, I like that. I just came out, broke it back out.

Bloated ass body. Yeah, I want to be a treasure hunter who, like, lives on the boat, like, at the marina. Not Pirates of the Caribbean shit, though. No, no, no. I don't need scurvy. I don't need to eat maggots. No, I want to be, like, at the marina. Not Pirates of the Caribbean shit, though. No, no, no. I don't need scurvy. I don't need to eat maggots. No, I want to be, like, modern day. I want to, like, be a fisherman and a boat.

Like, I'll take, like, the local, I'll take, like, the tourists out on, like, boating, you know, expeditions, and I rob them of their money, basically, and then on the side, like, oh, yeah, it's kind of almost like that fucking terrible show, The Outer Banks Show. Like, I want to be I move down to, you know, the keys or whatever, because that's where this treasure is. But it's like a lifelong hunt. So on the side, I've got to just like make enough money to have my bungalow that's at the marina. And I, you know, fuck these like like girls who like the tourists who come and i uh make the money off them and i fish and i uh and i do the boating stuff all while like oh i'm one step

closer and like and then there's a little bit of danger because someone's trying to also find it and kill me too but i kill them first and whatever movie that is kind of fool's goal kind of into the blue kind of outer banks and then one day i find the uh the goal and if i don't it's like hey i lived a life that's like that mexican proverb the I don't, it's like, hey, I lived a life. That's like that Mexican proverb, the Mexican fishing thing. It's like, what am I going to do once I get the gold? I'm going to live on my boat and fuck girls and fish.

You're already doing it, man. Your journey is the reward, baby. Amen. Last voicemail. Let's go. What's up, KFC, Fights, and everybody else? It's Mike from Long Island. So I worked at Door at a bar, and, you know, it's a pretty cushy gig just because, you know, COVID kind of slowed everything down. I just have one, I guess, like a little rant, and maybe you guys can answer this question. How in the fuck do you forget your ID when you're going out?

I'm serious. How do you just take your ID out of your wallet or purse and just leave it somewhere? When I got my new wallet the first thing I did was put my ID in there and I haven't moved it since. I'm going to defer to you, John. I feel like this is something you would do. I'm with him.

No, I don't do that. I've been with girls who forgot theirs. Yeah, this is a girl thing. Because girls change persons and stuff. They take in a credit card. Oh, look at my wallet right now. Want to see something cool? Big old hole in it. John just fucking threw all his credit cards all over the place.

They just fall right out all the time. I should just get a new wallet, but I'm not going to. I'm just going to have stuff fall out all the time. I should just get a new wallet, but I'm not gonna. I'm just gonna have stuff fall out all the time. I have a hole in my wallet. That's been there for a couple months now. I regularly just find credit cards in my pocket because they always just fall out. I'm going to lose

them at some point. You can't lose your ID though. You only put your credit cards there. Only the thing that people could use to clean out all your money. I was gonna show you my wallet, but I can't find it. Tough for me to be throwing stones right now. I have no idea where my wallet is.

I'm hoping it's at my desk. I'm hoping it's at my desk. But yeah, I mean, girls, they take out a debit card, an ID, and one other thing, and they transfer it to their tiny purse, to their big purse so i guess that it can happen that's that's the answer for that guy a guy has no excuse no excuse at all so you know a bouncer's got to tolerate the girls if a guy does it like fuck out of here uh all right let's get into our interview mary beth barone is here this is brought to you by miller light as always with all of our friends when we join the show we want to kick back and crack open a Miller Lite, an ice

cold Millie, which is great taste, less filling. It's the beer brewed in Milwaukee, Wisconsin that is tasty to drink and doesn't get you fat because it's only 3.2 carbs and 96 calories per 12 ounces. You can get it delivered right to your door right now, so whether you're hanging out at home doing the Zoom

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Go to MillerLite.com slash KFC to find out the delivery options near you. And always celebrate responsibly with the Miller Brewing Company. Miller, Waukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 crushes, 12 ounces. Mary Beth Barone. What up, girl? All right, we got Mary Beth Barone in here, and she was just saying that this is her first in-person podcast in a long time, and then your last for how long?

What are you thinking? I don't, just for a while. I feel like I've done like 100 podcasts in quarantine. It's just all anyone can do. And then we talk about the same six things, and then it's like, are people enjoying this? List them. Drag his ass, how I started comedy, what my process is for writing, why I made the birdhouse, what my six-step recovery program is for overcoming fuckboy addiction.

And then maybe six would be like people send in advice questions alright well that's all I had so get the fuck out we got nothing else to talk about it's been a pleasure meeting you guys behind the door no I hear you though it gets very repetitive

but I also every time we're getting to talk to someone for the first time and trying to introduce them and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So it's a fine line between like talking what you do and then also not being, you know, the same old shit over and over again. Also, though, it's not a good sign that like drag his ass has become a thing to the point that people want to know all about it and how it came to be and all that. Yes.

It's like when you create a brand. I'm very ungrateful. I'm just like, let's talk about something else but i don't have anything else would you be one of those people at like let's say you got a role on tv or something and it became like an iconic role like if you were typecast would you be one of those people who hates that and like is like i'm more than that or would you just be like yeah this shit made me rich and famous so i'm grateful that's such a good question. I would probably complain every step of the way, but then, like,

you know, laughing all the way to the bank vibes. Hell yeah. Because I wouldn't mind just being, like, adored for one role. That would be nice. I think adored just for anything, I'd be happy with. Yeah. I think about people who are on shows for, like, you know, 10 plus years, like Ellen Pompeo, for example,

Grey's Anatomy. She is, like, my girl. She's Grey's Anatomy for example, Grey's Anatomy. She is my girl. She's Grey's Anatomy. She is Grey's Anatomy. You saw her quote that was basically just like, I could do other shit, but fucking why? Why? It makes $17 million a year. Why would you do anything else? My artistic vision is bigger than this.

Fuck your artistic vision. Nobody gives a fuck about your vision, man. No, I love that. To mean, to me, that's like, that would be my ultimate. That would be my dream. Typecast me and never let me work again. Also, that's like an excuse. It's like, oh, I can't do that. I'm Kramer. You're kind of, you're just locked in.

I said the N-word on stage. I always go to Kramer and that's not the best of examples. In your wildest dreams, you're the man, the first man ever canceled man he was he was so canceled that was about as hateful as it gets um he was canceled until larry david brought him back in curb he he did make an appearance in that yeah oh no when they did like yeah he like they made fun of that right he's like he gets mad but even still he didn't

really come back like no he had that right back in the it's just good to see old white dudes kind of lifting each other up giving each other second chances it's tough out here for us

let's just laugh about what if we just throw our heads back and laugh it's all a joke it's just a big joke it's all for fun you guys it's tough out here

to be a white guy let me tell you I know I'm related to a few of them I see them struggle every day. My heart goes out to them. It's got to be scary right now.

What are you talking about? No, it's not. It's still really nice. Pretty good out here, Ma. Don't worry. I'll be okay. I'll be all right. But drag his ass is, I feel like, you know, it's like a rally cry for the girls, right?

It's a rally cry for any boys. Men Are It's a rally cry for you and the boys. We had men are trash was the one that floated around here. Like these mantras that really you guys just make fun of us relentlessly. We need something to cling on to. But my whole thing is that like a fuck boy can look like anything. So I'm doing it for the girls and the boys. It's 360 degree healing. That's what I say.

Like big dick energy can be, you know, it doesn't have to actually be your dick. It's gender neutral. Right. Exactly. So, yeah, I think it's important just to. What is a female fuck boy? I mean, it's the same in both genders, a fuck boy. It's basically how I describe it is like it's someone who will say and do anything to get you to sleep with them.

And then after the fact, there's like no accountability or responsibility. And there's just like a lot of traits that are very common among them. They like to lead you, there's no accountability or responsibility. And there's just a lot of traits that are very common among them. They like to lead you on. They like to gaslight you. They never like to make concrete plans. I have beef with the term gaslighting. Okay. Let's unpack that. I feel like a lot of

people just lean on that one real heavy. Definitely. I think a lot of people still don't really know what it means and use it totally incorrectly. I completely agree. No, that's true. And also, people send me screenshots

of interactions with fuckboys and sometimes I'm like, I can't post this because you look crazy. Right. You're making us look bad. Yes. But I think it just goes

to show you are crazy. Yes. Everyone is that. Everyone is that. That's kind of what I've learned throughout this process. Everyone's an asshole. And people are just waiting to find someone who, I don't know, they can tolerate, I guess. Yeah, pretty much.

True love is just like, I can put up with you for a long period of time. I like the definition of fuckboy, though, because I've had misgivings that I'm a fuckboy. But if that's the definition, not even a little bit. Well, maybe you're not defined by it, but you could have tendencies. I don't think I do. You look like it. You look it. I don't think I'm good looking enough to look like it.

I think fuckboys are hot. Do you have to be hot to be a fuckboy? You do not have to be hot to be a fuckboy. Wrong. I disagree with that. Okay. Because if you're just... Well, she invented it, so...

As someone who's had sex with ugly fuckboys, I can tell you you're wrong. When you're about to fuck a fuckboy, do you know it? Not always. Or is it until after the fact? Not always. It's sometimes after. Like, there have been times where I've, like, really been clear, like, I don't want to have sex with you if you're a fuckboy, if you're going to ghost me, if it's this one night

stand. And sometimes they can just look you right in the eye and say, I'm not. And then. And then they are. Their actions prove otherwise. There is actually, this is going to sound ridiculous. Oh boy.

I came home the other night and my girlfriend was watching Twilight, which I, I haven't, she's 12. And you guys are going against societal expectations. And I like that. We just finished binging Barney.

Barney. And now we're going to go to Twilight. Yeah. And I, I, I just finished binging Barney. Barney, and now we're going to go into Twilight. I'm sure I'd seen it at some point, but I'd never really seen it. And I was like cooking dinner and I was kind of just listening in. And what's our Pattinson's character's name? Edward.

Edward. Edward was the first one. And Edward's explaining to Kristen Stewart how he is a fuckboy. And was like i was like this is just like he's like i'm going to hurt you i'm going to yeah and she's like no but i still want you even though you glow in the sunlight i'm like he's like you don't he's like i'm gonna eat you one day no guys guys think if they put the disclaimer on it it just like they have no responsibility and they're like i'm a – I'm actually not a good guy.

Yeah. It's like, okay, well, I still – Well, what do you want? Yeah, you want the honesty, right? If he's like – All you want is honesty. You say treat – like give it to me up front because my thing is always like I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, so I don't say anything. And then it becomes a whole problem down the road.

But it's like, okay, but then I'm going to be up front and honest with you, and it's not great, and then and then you're gonna be upset and then I'm an asshole for being like an asshole then I'm like being blunt or something like just don't be a bad guy instead of telling me you're a bad guy just don't be just don't be one

I don't know I think if both people if both people are on the same page like there's a difference between like being disrespectful and then just like telling someone what you want up front

right if you're not looking for anything serious that's what I'm saying I'm not gonna yeah I'm not just gonna be like I'm a dick I'm gonna hurt you but if it's like'm not just going to be like, I'm a dick, I'm going to hurt you. But if it's like, I have a tendency to do

this, or I'm like, blah, blah, blah, like that, and then it's not what you want to hear, then it sounds like I'm just being a dick, and it's like, well, I thought you wanted me to be honest. There's no one wins. You know what, I also found that I just know that I am

an emotional child and an idiot and so I'll try to be upfront about that, but it's not great. It's like, I'm going to say one thing and I'm going to mean it and then, I don't know, a couple hours later, I'm not going to feel that way anymore. Fuck! I don't know what to do! Are you seeking help? I should be. I definitely

need to get into therapy. I have for anyone struggling with anything really, just start doing therapy. Yeah, it helps. It's changed my life. Have you been in therapy for a long time? I've been in therapy

for four years. Oh, that's not that long. It's not that long. I resisted it for a long time because I thought I didn't need it and then I did. So that was a huge revelation.

I feel like everybody does. See, everyone needs it but also like, I don't know, every time I do it, I'm just like, I don't know, that was 300 bucks down the drain. Yeah. I don't know, every time I do it, I'm just like, I don't know. That wasn't really a good idea.

I don't know why. 300 bucks. $300. It's like $250. It's out of the network. And then I'm too lazy. I've gone to her with like, hey, I'm so lazy, I don't fill out my copay for this stuff. We're like, I get paid back

for it. And she's like, well, that's something you gotta work on. I knew that. I didn't need you to tell me that. What do you want her to do for you? That's what people want. I don't need a therapist. I need like an assistant. That's what that sounds like to me. I need a personal assistant who does all the shit that I struggle with,

tour me, and then I don't have to struggle with anything. And you won't be struggling. So you have a girlfriend. You're single. I'm divorced, yeah. Divorced, okay. Okay, interesting. You define yourself as divorced instead of single. Yeah.

That is interesting, I guess. That's a lot of information to offer. We don't have to talk about that, but I'm sure. No, you know what? That is very true. That is very true. You could just say, I'm single. I know it sounds like you're very upfront about things after knowing for three minutes. I'm very upfront on this. This is my therapist. Okay. I just get it all out in here.

Do you do this every day? In one form or another. This podcast you're on right now comes out twice a week but I'm also on radio five days a week and I have like four other shows I just never shut the fuck up pretty much guys love that they love to talk

and they love to listen and they love to talk you disagree? oh I hate talking unless I'm paid to do it I'd much rather just sit there silently and just... If I'm not on a microphone, I am dead silent. Like a fetus. I'm just like there. It's weird.

He doesn't text. He doesn't talk. He doesn't do anything. I just sit. I'm like one of the assassins in a Jason Bourne movie where you just sit on a couch. Waiting for the call to come in. Just waiting, like, okay, I gotta go do something. It's like, okay, now I can talk again.

I'm back on the clock. Good to go. You just plop your girlfriend in front of the TV. Here's your snacks. Here's your wine. This is getting weird. When you do drag his ass, is it a random person? No.

So you know the person from, but it's not like a friend or somebody you personally know. You get submissions or something like that? It's usually like a friend of a friend. Got it. And they agree to it? They agree to it. We do a pre-interview before so I can find out why they are the way that they are. I can structure the interview, find out fun anecdotes to bring up when they're in the hot seat.

And then I bring them on stage. Who the fuck would do this? Do you pay them like $50,000? No, people love attention. Even if it's horribly negative? Well, but they're just not apologetic about it. Also, I try to structure it so they do come off endearing. There's only been one that was like,

I was not able to make him look like a good person. So that one wasn't my favorite. But I think it's like, you want the audience on their side. If the audience hates them, it's not fun for anyone. And then a few, well, I know at least one of them got laid after the show. So I feel like there's benefits to it. Okay. If that's what you're looking for.

I bet you a lot of. Like six or seven that I've redeemed. Four went home and killed themselves. One got laid, though, so pretty good. You sound kind of like a cult leader, almost. I will lead you to redemption. No, it was accidental. I stumbled into it and it's like, I'm just trying to help.

The drag is ass you stumbled into? I didn't realize what I was doing when I started it. And I love it. It's one of my favorite things I've ever done. But it's like, it makes me sad that I feel like we're so far from things getting better. I thought maybe quarantine would help because people would have time to reflect and figure out what they want. Heavens no.

No one's doing that. They're just on Instagram. No, they did that for – I think people did that for like 35 seconds. Yeah. And then – I did it for zero. Yeah. Reflect on what?

Like my life? Because I have to stay in my room. I'm going to reflect on my life. I don't mean to reflect. But remember, everybody baked the banana bread. And some people tried to get in shape. And people were like, I'm going to use this time. And then they just stopped.

They just used the time to be assholes inside instead of being assholes outside. Agreed to the three-month window. And then once three months went out, it was like, this is ridiculous. I'm going back to eating. But I don't think anything helps anything. I think we are on a track. Hey, because like,

you're at air first. I don't think anything, you guys make merch. Yeah, we do. We're going to throw that on. We're going to needle point. We'll put that on the wall.

Like eat, pray, love. And then, you know, I don't think anything helps anything. Like people were like, we just got to get to the election

or we just got to get to this. We're just going to get to that. It's like, no, we're trending downward as a, as a collective humanity. And it's not going to stop for anything. Like people are like, we just got to get to the election or we just got to get to this. We're just going to get to that. It's like, no, we're trending downward as a as a collective humanity. And it's not going to stop for anything. It's never going to stop. That's definitely one way of looking at it.

It's the correct way of looking at it, if you ask me. But I am breaking news, a pessimist. So, yeah, no, and that's OK. I think there is like, you know, if you're if you have low expectations and you expect the worst, then you won't be disappointed. I mean, put that bar on the motherfucking ground. I know. I'm just excited for global warming to kill us all. And then the animals can really have their moment.

Yeah. And we won't be here to see it. They're just going to like exist and be happy. That'd be great. Yeah. I think about it sometimes. I'm like, I hope we save the planet. But if we don't, like dolphins are going to just have so much fun.

Dolphins are. Dolphins, be careful. They're not going to have fun. They're going to be. They're going don't, like, dolphins are going to just have so much fun. Dolphins are. Dolphins, be careful. They're not going to have fun. They're going to rule with an iron fin. They don't fuck around. They don't. And apparently they're like, as smart as humans. Yeah.

I think also animals don't realize how good they have it. I think if the humans went away. Oh, really? Which animals? Pets? All of them. Well, the dogs would be fucked. Dogs would be in trouble. Dogs would be in trouble.

Dogs would be in trouble? Wouldn't that be funny? All the wild animals are like, welcome back, pussy. Come on back to the wild. Wish I had a fucking cage around me. There's wolves everywhere. Yeah, there's no more indoor living. There's no more like, you know, scraps of filet mignon. You're just back in the wild

with the raccoons and shit. Do you have any pets? No. I had a dog growing up, a Jack Russell Terrier, and that was enough for one lifetime. Those dogs are absolutely batshit insane. Really? So you hated your dog? No. I was really sad when she died, if that

means anything. But she was just like a domestic terrorist for the family. She would bite car tires as we would leave the driveway and pop holes in them. In a tire? Yeah. And a tire is like small, right? Yeah.

Very small. Can bite through like a Goodyear tire of an automobile? Yeah. Holy shit. So when she died, we were like, okay, but now we can actually leave the driveway freely. But I think about her fondly. Did you ever worry about running over her? We did and then we just saw that

she was invincible. She just could do anything. She's like one of those Beatles. I see the weirdest stuff online, like everyone. But there's some Beatle they're studying because it can get run over by a car and it just keeps on trucking. That's terrible.

They're going to be the ruling class. I have no interest in invincibility or immortality or any of that nonsense. When do you want to die? I want to upload my consciousness to the cloud. Why? And then that's just how I would like to exist. But why?

I just don't want a physical body anymore. I think it's just a lot of trouble. That's for sure. So is the brain. Yeah, but then it's just kind of, like, you can just be vibing. You just vibe. So, like, you sell merch? Yeah.

I do, actually. So, like, you're on a cloud and you hang out, like, your friends just kind of take you with them? Yeah, or we're all in the cloud and then it's just kind of, we're just floating around. You could be a center. Yeah, that'd be cool. If there was, like, a projection of my consciousness somehow i mean it's called twitter really you know like yeah but i'm still here like i'm here in this office right now yeah i have the shirt on these pants i don't want to deal with that you can take it off let's just think of working out the idea of

having to work out till like i'm old just i just want to like one day be like that's the last time i'm ever gonna to work out. Oh, I did that about seven years ago. Come join me for that. I couldn't, it's terrible. Don't get me wrong.

My body hurts every single day and I'm like 35 going on 85, but you can just stop. You can do it. You're right. That's the personal choice I make every day actively, but it's hard when you have a sickness where you think you have to work out every day or at least five days a week that's the

compromise I've made with myself and how long have you had this illness? since college probably going to Boston College which is where I originally heard about BarstoolSports.com I feel like you probably hate us um you can just say it

see here's the thing I hate the idea kind of stung i hate the idea of it right but then when i like watched your guys interviews and stuff and when you kind of like were throwing shade at david letterman i was like okay these guys are you down with this because i that was very brave of me it was extremely brave well i guess i catch a lot of shit for literally everything, so it doesn't faze me. But that one was like... It's a controversial take. I don't disagree.

I don't like to like publicly shit on people. There's like so many celebrities I love that I would rather talk about. But David Letterman specifically, I'm like, what is the big deal? Right. I just don't see it. But I acknowledge that like he must have done something to gain this position. I don't know. I don't even think of him as a stand-up comic,

but he was, right? Oh, I don't even know. Yeah. In his day, was he like Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle? Was he like that dude? Because then he earned it. But when I watch this shit now, I'm just like, this is pretty fucking average. I don't know. I don't know what he could have said said or done and stand up back in the day

But like I heard that book Robin like about Robin Williams and it was like talk about how Robin Williams was so stunned the first Time he saw Letterman in his crowd being like holy shit Letterman came to my I like the Laugh Factory whatever one of the LA spots He's a holy shit feels like like the Emperor's New Clothes just like everybody like agreed to this thing I know and he was so weird at CVS with Kim Kardashian. That was terrible! He was being a freak. And the whole thing with the phone.

I just felt for her in that moment. Because she's just like, she agreed to do this thing. She goes to CVS with him. And then he's just being a fucking weirdo. For as not normal as Kim is and her whole family is they all are kind of not weird they all are

kind of not weird and as someone who watches I'm a Kardashian apologist I think we are too I'm a full blown fan but I like

I hate when people are like a lot of money for no talent no they have they're the best marketers in the world they're business women

and I think people hate them for no reason which is why I don't like to like. Because they're jealous. Yeah. And I think, well, maybe some people have reasons or if they're like racist against Armenians. But I think on the whole, they're good. Like I support them. And I think honestly, they've done a lot to change.

I know they're like plastic surgery up and everything. But like they are thicker and like changing, I think, like beauty standards. Hell yeah. If you got a fat booty now, but, like, they are thicker and, like, changing, I think, like, beauty standards. Hell yeah. If you've got a fat booty now, it's like, they help. We're not giving Kim credit for that. No, but, I mean, it's not. I mean, it's like J-Lo's really, I think, put it on the scene, and then, like, Kim kind of grabbed that torch.

I think we're ignoring a huge elephant in the room, and that's our mix a lot. Okay. Yeah. Giving credit to a man for making big butts. Sure, yeah. Whatever.

Welcome to Barstool Sports. The reason why girls have big asses is because of Sir Mix-a-Lot. Yeah. We thank him. No, I'm totally down with the Kardashians

and she was just like, get me out of this fucking store with this old, weird man and his big ugly beard I like his beard I actually don't hate that many people

I try to find like the redeeming qualities I just think when I saw that Netflix was giving another show to David Letterman I was like what the hell he's not like some young kid who's there like taking a chance on it's just like he's gonna get the best guess and then

just sit across from them and be like what's up and I've watched every single one honestly that title kind of like

encapsulates it all where it's just like yeah it's going to be about my guest who's awesome because I'm Dave Letterman I've watched I think not every single one

but I've watched a vast majority of them starting from season one and I was like so excited I think I watched the Obama one first and I was like this is just it's watched the Obama one first and I was like

this is just it's not great it's pedestrian how do you make an interview with Obama boring that's my thing it's like that takes talent yeah there you go

so you tolerate us because we don't like David Letterman but the rest of us you hate just let it out it's okay it's totally okay

because when it was first starting I think when I don't know how long it was around before I was in college, but I feel like it was, well, I dropped out in 2011. Oh, yeah. All right. So I started in 09.

He started in Boston in like 04-ish. Okay. Yeah. It wasn't even on my radar. But I think it was like toxic masculinity vibes, like a lot. And then it would just like, I don't know. I think the smoke show show Barstool smoke shows very formative for me

my body dysmorphia yeah it was just like it was such like a cornerstone of the school and then I feel like Bro Bible popped up and then there were like a lot of copycats and then it was just so there really hasn't been many like Bro Bible was on the scene for like a minute and we kind of

thought of them as competition and then it kind of disappeared. And now you guys are... We just cornered the toxic masculinity market. No, but you also have women. You gave a platform for women as well, so I think that's good, you know. That's all we can do. Nice.

Pat yourselves on the back. Yeah, I mean, listen. We are heroes. Doing amazing things for the feminist movement. But no, I don't hate you guys. I think there's just a perception of Barstool. Definitely. And then you guys reposted a TikTok that I made

and a bunch of my straight male acquaintances reached out. So I was like, okay, the reach is amazing. Very powerful. And we always want to hear from those guys, right? Yeah, I was going to say, it's just if you need more takes from straight white guys, you get them here. Come on down.

If you're tired of Letterman. Tired of Letterman. So what's next? I mean, how did you go through quarantine? Like, did you switch over to digital shit? Are you, you know, sort of taking a break? Yeah, I mean, it was tough without stand up for so long and I was still writing jokes. So I did make like two sort of like experimental short films

that were doing stand-up as voiceover and then it would be like visuals around like I did the first one at my parents house and then the second one at my neighbors house who lives on the water so it was like very visually nice and so I kind of call that like ambient stand-up which was fun. Did you like

coin that phrase? No I didn't think of it. Someone else thought of it, but I'm latching onto it. You're stolen. They thought of it in regards to me. So you are a thief. No, they were describing me, so I do feel ownership of that. Okay, that's fine. But I've done a few other digital things. It's just like, I'm not a front

facing camera comedy person, and that's okay. You know the people that do characters and bits? It's just not for me. It's not my lane. And I know that. So I'm staying out of it. But you can do another version of that, no?

Or there's just no feeling, like no type that you feel comfortable just like doing that. It's like maybe on TikTok. I've done a couple of, I dabble with TikTok. I'm not big on there. I don't like it as a medium, but it seems like a necessary evil. You know, I'll do like random, I'll do videos, but I try to make them like, they're not, I don't really do characters. Yeah, that's what I mean.

Like, you don't have to do that, though. You can, I don't know, just observational stuff. Yeah, people do like that. It's weird. Like, I haven't actually said anything, but people do share it. Yeah. It's the name of the game. Yeah, I can't do like a, anything kind of like scripted, really. I'm not very good at it. I can't's the name of the game. Yeah, I can't do like a anything kind of like scripted, really. I'm not very

good at. I can't look at myself on the camera. So that's why I can't do the front-facing stuff. How have you been existing with Zoom and everything? Oh, I just don't look at myself. It's not that hard. I can't stop. I just stare the whole time. That's why I have to put makeup on for therapy because I'm like, if I see my face for this long. You put

makeup on just for therapy? Yeah. No, I don't think that's crazy. When I was in quarantine, I do it here now, which is a real fucking rush, doing it sitting right here. Because you're like, oh, these cameras aren't on. I don't know how to turn them off. John was convinced at the beginning of quarantine that all of his Zooms were being recorded by the therapist and put out their secret. I don't know.

Just straight paranoia. Yeah. And I thought maybe it was easier for her to do it in that. She could have just had a camera in the office too. She could have filmed you the whole time. Right. Essentially, therapists could ruin all of our lives with or without recordings.

They could blackmail the fuck out of everybody. I don't think they could blackmail the fuck out of me. Because I don't think I've ever said anything that I haven't said here. They can't blackmail me because I lie. I feel like I lie to my therapist a lot. Totally counterproductive. What would possess you? Why? What's the motivation?

Probably there are things that I don't even want to admit to myself. So I'm like, I'm going to tell this guy, this girl, whoever, this thing, and they're going to judge me. And I don't want to be judged. It's a complete waste of literally everybody's time and money. Yeah, it does seem that way, what you're describing. I need to go to a therapist to learn to get over certain things to then go to a therapist. Any therapy for therapy?

Which I know people with multiple therapists. That's pretty. You got to be pretty crazy for that. Some of them go to one therapist to talk about another therapist. I'm like, I would just get a new therapist. What? See that? I think you're addicted to therapy.

I think that's a weird. That's weird, right? That's a lot. That means you're an actual crazy person. It's a lot of therapy. You're not talking about yourself, are you? No. The person I know is me.

Yeah, it's me. No, I have one therapist lover i have no complaint if i was a therapist and i found out that you had another therapist i think i'd be pissed i would feel weirdly jealous i'd be like territorial like you're cheating on me or am i getting the job done yeah but i guess some people need a lot of help and we are happy they're finding that help yes yes you are very positive person huh very positive person, huh? I try. But are you trying? Like, do you mean it? Or are you just trying?

I do. No, I think it's good to be positive. Because I feel like you could just unleash this, like, negativity if you wanted to. I could. Yeah. Yeah, you kind of scare me. Yeah. I feel like you could just have this, like, almost like a superpower or some shit.

Like, your eyes will light up and you're just like, negative. It's something I've had to actively try to not do. Because it's so easy to be negative. It's so easy've had to actively try to not do because it's so easy to be negative. It's so easy. Super easy. And I do get negative sometimes, but it's like I try to just like once I'm out on the other side, I never like regret just like working through those feelings, but I do think it's just better to be positive. What makes you negative?

What sets you off? A lot of it's like career stuff. Like if I feel like things aren't happening quick enough or, you know, I'm just frustrated with like where everything is at with the pandemic. Obviously, it's out of everyone's control. But I think what's been annoying me throughout quarantine is people being like, well, everyone's in the same boat.

And it's like, well, I've spent years trying not to compare myself to other people and now you're telling me that everything's fine because everybody's life sucks. It's like, I don't care. I want to be successful. So I think that's something that I like, you know, you stew in that for a bit,

but then it is, the truth is everyone's life sucks right now. I also don't like people who are overly positive too, though. Like the, like the rise and grind people of the internet or like, let's just, are you one of those?

Absolutely not. If you ever hear me say rise and grind, if you ever hear me say rise and grind, if you ever hear me say rise and grind, you have permission to smack me. And I'm saying that on the record. No one who's ever said rise and grind with any sort of sincerity is successful. Can't be, right?

I don't think so. Or if you're saying that, that you've just decided to make that your thing, like your bit. I'm like Captain Positive, you know? I feel like rise and grind is copywritten by like the kids from your hometown who probably sold weed in high school and now drives a Nissan Altima. Pretty new, 2016 probably. He's doing okay.

He's got like a speaker system in it. And then he like, he sells, God, I don't know what he sells. Maybe, I was going know what he sells. Maybe I was going to say cell phones. No, no. I think like pharmaceutical sales maybe. Oh, we're from different hometowns. Pharmaceutical

sales in my hometown are drug dealers. He got out of that game. He was a pharmaceutical salesman for a while. He was a street pharmacist. Maybe he owns his own gym. Oh, so he's kind of that game. He was a pharmaceutical salesman for a while. He was a street pharmacist, yeah. And now he, like, maybe he owns his own gym. Ooh, so he's kind of like a meathead. Yeah. Okay, and he's the rising guy.

I'm literally describing a specific person. Do you want to talk about it? Hey, Jerry, what's up, man? That rise and grind or, like, the, you know, like, God's bless you with another day sort of thing, it's like, ugh. I think, yeah, I group, like, God's blessed you with another day sort of thing. It's like, ugh. I think, yeah, I group, like, Rise and Grind people with, like, people who wear shirts that say

spiritual gangster. I don't believe I've ever encountered that. What's the problem with Carl Lentz? If I saw that. You've never seen that? You've never seen that? I don't want to see that. I've never seen spiritual gangster, no.

I think I would have to smack that person, too. Yeah. That is... It's, yeah. If you, because, especially because they're like 90 dollars for a tank up that's a spiritual gangster i'm like you're buying this at bandier you're like a capitalist and you don't you're not spiritual or gangster i get a kick out of that when i think i'm coming back around on that when people are like you know you're at the protest they're like

conveniently on your apple phone you know what i mean but? But it's like, well, I don't know. Yeah. I have to participate in society. I need a cell phone while I still protest. People were pissy. I make shirts that say I only sleep with socialists. And people are like, well, you're making money off that. And it's like, well, because I have to eat.

Yeah. There's still some basic shit here. And I have, you know, I have. And I also fuck, you know, other people who aren't socialists. I have said I support capitalism when it benefits me personally. Of course. Isn't that how it works? Yes.

So, yeah. I mean, I obviously have an iPhone and I'm not ready to move to the woods and give up all my possessions. And you ban capitalists. Well, I have historically. I only sleep with socialists now. Going forward? Going forward. Is that something like I can't tell if this is a joke or not?

So I'm just going to ask you. You actually asked that? Yes, I will. I mean this is a joke or not, so I'm just going to ask you. You actually asked that? I, yes, I will. I mean, I've not, it's not come up. I knew, I know, usually, like, people's political views, I feel like these days come up pretty organically. But if I were on a date with someone, I would probably say, like, where do you fall politically? And if it was on the wrong side of history, bye.

I don't think that's as crazy as it used to be. I think there was a time when it's like, oh, we don't talk about politics, we don't talk about religion, all that stuff. I think that makes, I think just in this day and age, it makes sense. I agree. And I think if you're religious, that's going to be tough for me. How religious? If you list your religion on a dating profile, that's going to be tough. What about I go to church every Sunday?

No. You're out. Couldn't. Really? I don't think so. Just believe in God. No, believe in God I think is chill. I guess it depends what religion too.

Hate the Jews. I'm out on them. So many Jewish people are not practicing. So it's like I think they have a relationship with God, but it's not like they're not going to try to like convert me necessarily I think if you were Catholic if you're like a 25 year old guy and you're Catholic and going to church I don't know I just have trouble with that

yeah I see that because then they would want you to be part of that world and my issue with it is what if we're dating I wake up every Sunday I just go to church without you I come back that's it I don't know that seems not very fair. There's so much judgment and shame with religion.

I would just have trouble with someone who actively participates. Also, like, the pedophilia stuff. That's why if it's Catholic, I think that would be particularly hard for me because, like, they have so much money and they've, like, done so much wrong. Yeah. If it was, like, a new age church where it's, like, everyone's spiritual and we go

and we, like, celebrate like celebrate life like that's different we're back to Carl Lentz boy do we have the church for you I have two kids and I was like they're young and I'm kind of debating the religion thing and at first I was kind of like well I'll do like the CCD and the sacraments

and all that shit just because that's what I did and that gives you like some sense of community blah blah blah but then I think I came around and I was just like, this is an institution that really does a lot of bad shit so I just don't think I need to even casually support it in any way, shape, or form. I think that's probably the best for your kids as well. They'll probably just be up to

what their mother decides, but that's my thoughts at least. But it's nice that you thought about it. Yeah, that's the thought that counts, right? You made a decision and you'll always have that. Right here, I got that going for me. So you can't be religious. You can't be Republican, basically. And is that it?

I would say probably no pedophiles. Oh, good. Dumbass. Fuck, there we go. We're off the list. No one laughed. That was a callback to my 12-year-old girlfriend. That wasn't an admission of guilt.

Are you sure? What if you met a guy? We're cutting that. That fell too flat. It's out. Not only are we not cutting that, that's going to be a highlight on social. That's going to be a Twitter clip to promote the episode. She's 26.

It's not. If you met a guy who was like, I mean, I guess this is kind of impossible based on your personality, what you would like. But if it was perfect otherwise, like when you're not talking about anything of those matters, you're hanging out like happy, good. Sex is good. Everything's fun. Everything, everything, everything. But like, you know that he's voting against you, you're out.

Can't. I'm sorry. There's just something indicative about the person and what their beliefs are. It's just, like, if you're a single-issue voter at this point, it's just, like, I don't, I can't. Even if he was, like, it's taxes. It's just about taxes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to say, people want their wallet and shit.

Even if it's not a social issue. Yeah. Because it's, like, you're just ignoring, like, women's rights, the rights of black people, immigrants, LGBT. I just can't look past that. What about if someone's not political at all?

That's very ignorant. I just don't think. I used to be like that. I was Republican growing up and then I was like I don't care about politics anymore. I was like a cop out for a few years where I just didn't vote and I didn't care. But I just don't think we can afford that anymore personally. And I know you don't like to talk about politics on here. We don't have to. No, I don't care.

We can talk about whatever on this. It's just, yeah, that would be like a no from me. So you're a pain in the ass to date. I'm very low maintenance, but I have my standards. As far as who I will even entertain the idea of dating. And who you will get dragged. Bernie Sanders.

Bernie Sanders, we get it. Would you have sex with Bernie Sanders? Yes. Would you date Bernie Sanders? I would date Bernie Sanders, I wouldn't have sex with him. I think Bernie's hilarious. That's performative allyship. You have to be willing to fuck as well. I would date Bernie Sanders. I wouldn't have sex with him. I think Bernie's hilarious. That's performative allyship. Bernie's a cool cat.

You have to be willing to fuck as well. Performative allyship. It's not a term I've heard, but if it puts Bernie Sanders dick in my mouth, then whatever. You would legitimately date Bernie Sanders at that, and forget about the politics and everything,

you would just date a guy who's – I don't know. What is he, like 130? He's about – he's in his mid-100s, and he's just done so much good in his career, and I think he's a good person. Yeah. I'd be down. All right. You'd like to drive. You ever see that video of him biking out of his driveway?

It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. Is it? It is so funny. Why have I not seen it? He starts going onto the sidewalk. It's exactly what you would think Bernie Sanders biking out of his driveway. And then as he finally gets out – it's exactly what you would think, Bernie Sanders, back out of the driveway. And then as he finally gets out, it's probably like a 45-second video of him back out of his driveway.

It's as long as his table. And then when he finally gets out and starts driving the other way, his door is ajar. It's just beautiful. Who's filming? I think it was when he was campaigning still. So I think it was like paparazzi or media, whoever you want to call it, outside his house.

I love Bernie. Bernie cracks me up. That voice is just so perfect. I wish I could get speech after speech after speech of that voice. When he talks to Cardi in them, it's just so funny. I know. Cardi B. Them playing off of each other,

it was a beautiful thing to come out of this election. Yeah, for sure. I'm thankful. While we're doing some hypothetical questions, we're going to go across and do Answer the Internet. You ready?, for sure. I'm thankful. Well, while we're doing some hypothetical questions, we're going to go across and do answer the internet. You ready? Okay, sure.

Let's go. I've got some issues that nobody can see And all of these emotions are pouring out of me I bring them to the light It's only like this It's the soundtrack to my life

The soundtrack to my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life

Uh-huh Yeah Uh-huh Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah