KFC Radio - Max Greenfield, $Doge, Kanye's Nuts, and We Learn About Vaginas

Episode Date: July 9, 2020

Subscribe, rate, and leave a review! -Feits is convinced he accidentally ingested drugs -We learn about vaginas by way of Instagram -Doge coin has taken over the streets -JK Rowling has signed a petition to end cancel culture -Kanye West has officially jumped the shark -AITA Thursday returns with a rapid fire round of all the ones we missed over vacation -Voicemails include stupid superpowers and casket at a yardsale -(1:09:30) Max Greenfield, Schmidt himself, joins the show. We discuss going viral while teaching his daughter during quarantine, the bromance of Nick Miller & Schmidt, and much more.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I graduated high school with a similar knowledge of math and vaginas. We light it up, we won't come down. And the sun does come up now. What's it going to take it over you? It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. And I'm opening up today with two mysteries of life. First of all, John thinks he has somehow secretly ingested drugs. He's been running around the office all day saying,

did I somehow take Adderall? Well, here's the deal. I couldn't sleep last night. I was jittery in bed. I was all crazy. And then today, I'm obviously tired from not sleeping last night, and my eyes are darting around like an excited person. My eyelids are heavy, but my eyes are going crazy.

Your eyeballs are going crazy, yeah. I mean, it seems like a crazy thing, but the only explanation is I accidentally took Adderall. Like what is more crazy, that you just have all the symptoms and didn't take it, or that somehow you took it to the doctor? But I don't have Adderall. It's not a thing I have. It's not like I was going to take my medicine.

You're a heavy sleeper, man. I don't know. Somebody could have got it in there. Pop one in. I'm a heavy sleeper, man. I don't know. Somebody could have got it in there. Pop one in. I'm tired of this fucking snore when you wake this fat ass up. It's the only explanation, but it's also an impossible explanation. You said at least three times today, did I take Adderall? Is this possible?

Life's great mysteries. The first thing I said when we saw you this morning, I was like, man, I didn't sleep at all last night. And somehow, all day, my eyes have wanted to shut, but it's just not physiologically impossible to happen. So there's one thing that does that. You did Adderall, you blew a line, you somehow just forgot. I mean, but I haven't been drinking either.

So there's no way I could have. I didn't black out. There's no space in my life to take accidental drugs. You might be. But somehow it might have happened. You might have a senior citizen brain. You know, senior citizens have those jars for their pills that say it's been four hours since your last dose. And you know because you're like, I can't remember if I took it or not. You might have just had it, took it, and just don't even remember.

I don't even know where I would acquire Adderall. I haven't done Adderall in my life. Floor drugs. Shout out to Liz Meehl. This looks like it. Whatever. The other life mystery is one that is just putting me in a fucking pretzel. I feel like we're pretty

well-informed guys. We know what we know. We know what we don't know. We'll be the first ones to put our hand up and say, there's a lot of things about girls we don't understand. Oh, boy, here we go. For many years, we've said, we don't understand how you pee. It's like a fucking broken faucet. At any point during those years, I could have figured it out. And you guys could have helped us a lot of snow.

Instead, we're just fucking a ship without a rudder, just floating in the sea. But I feel like for the most part, I'm pretty well-versed in biology and what's going on. What is well-versed? Okay, fine. I can play head, shoulders, knees, and toes. Yes, but what? Okay, let me say this.

It's been a long time since I've heard something that I had no clue about. And this I have no clue about. And this I have no clue about. Like I did not even know this was a thing. I can't tell you the ins and outs of all of the anatomy and shit, but I understand some of these processes. There's an Instagram video up right now on the chick's page. I'm going to go as far to say that I think this is a prank. I think that the girls got together

in their monthly meeting and said, let's make something up about our pussies and confuse the fuck out of guys. So the guys are like, oh, 2020, it got us again! Because there's nobody who's even explaining this. There's this video of this girl, and this

noise is disgusting. Wait. I mean... Did I just start my period? No, I think she's just cleaning herself. Yeah, she's cleaning herself right now. Okay, so first of all, let me tell you something first of all. I thought the splash was...

I thought she was halfway in a pool. No, she's just sitting there. Yeah, no, I see that now. I thought it was an organic thing. There's no way your pussy makes that loud of a noise. Well, no, that's an added noise. Okay. But what?

That's what I'm saying. This whole thing is now fucking fabricated. They're talking about drip. Okay. So I want to make things something very first of all here. I graduated high school with a similar knowledge of math and vaginas. They didn't make me stay. They're like, you can go out into the world, but you'll do nothing great in these fields.

Go on and subsist, son, but you shall not achieve. Like, you know, in the high school newsletter, we're not going to be like 20 years being like, John Fidelberg, class of 2006, he's done something great in math. I can't even make a joke about it because I don't know words for either of them. He's just done math things and vagina things. He's encountered both of those. Basics of all of it. I have the basic,

Jack of all trades, master of none. Right. You'll be fine. You can survive. Right. But like, I'll be,

yeah, I had no idea vaginas were self cleaning up. I don't know what they are. I'm just saying, I haven't heard one explanation. All I've seen is girls in the comments going, it's so funny how guys are confused. Right.

I think this is a viral hoax. We we're gonna make guys think that there's a fucking roomba inside our person because why else would you even be filming this you would never know you would never know what's about to happen why is this girl getting filmed that's it she's the whole thing's a joke so i think she's like she's not actually experiencing that feeling this whole thing is is made up created if it was like all created. If she was doing something normal and then was like, oh, in an awkward moment, the noise is fabricated, the video is fabricated. I think the whole – this is a hoax. But I mean it's like just making a joke fart video.

It happens. I guess. You didn't actually fart in that moment. All right, all right, all right. You're right. Okay. But I'm not saying I believe this happens. I'm just saying the joke behind it makes sense.

You can do that. So someone was like, let's make a viral video about our pussies being self-cleaning. I don't know if I want to know. Nick, what does it mean? Nick! I have no idea. Well, he's got a computer, dude. Can you Google?

I mean, yeah, we haven't even tried Google yet. I was just going to learn what people tweet at us. Like, I initially thought that it was like, I thought of your period as self-cleaning. Like, you're getting all the fucking junk out. Oh, because it's sloughing you to your balls. I know that phrase. Yeah, sloughing. Then I'm thinking about pH.

I know pH is a big to-do. Are we talking about, you know, regulating your pH? It's a self-cleansing organ. Holy shit. Using discharge to clean itself and carry dead cells out of the body to prevent infection. So those secretions are not going to be ashamed of. When does this happen? Do you have two periods a month?

Is this like, oh, this is my cleaning period and this is my no baby period? Is it? Boy, and if you miss one of those, neither are good. Which one do you want to miss more? I mean, oh, so this is why they say you shouldn't douche and you shouldn't do it because guess what? Your pussy does it does in itself oh it's like your hair

or adding shampoo is bad chemicals are bad it takes care of itself or as guys have been doing pre-corona our hands i mean looking at this this like the actual explanation makes a lot of sense to me like there's a lot of things in your body that's doing that it's a tube of muscle inside so you know your kidneys your liver everything's always like filtering shit out you know what i mean but the idea of it being like your pussy is just like like let me spit spit it out oh. It's like an old guy going to the toilet. You know when an old guy gets in the urinal and he just like spits?

I don't know why all old guys spit before they take a piss, but all of them do. I was like, there it is. Been holding this in for six years.

I picture it when you're out like Wrigley and you're out like a trough too. You're like, you're almost spitting on me, sir. Why are you doing this? Yeah. Dude, if you spit on it,

I'm going to pull it just so you know i hope that we successfully i hope the girls were laughing about us being grossed out and now they're the ones fucking puking i mean so so they just wanted to get it out there that there's good old vaginal function, like daily function cleaning, huh? Yeah, I mean, like, nice to know. You know what? Maybe that explains why their underwear is always a fucking catastrophe. Yeah, like, maybe that explains why it looks like a camel's

spin your thong. If I used my boxers to soap and shampoo every day, it'd probably be a fucking mess as well. That's not you fucking showering with your boxers, just using them as a loofah, and then put them on. And at the end of the day, your girl will be like, what is wrong with you? Like, just trying to get like you, babe. Self-cleaning.

Self-cleaning. Are penises self-cleaning? See, I'm not... Well, penis is an external organ, right? Okay. But there's internal stuff in it. Yeah, well... Is that why I pee my pants so often? It's just a discharge.

Just a cleaning discharge. Nick is quick with the Google. Well, the foreskin, yeah. If you're not circumcised, I think there's a lot of shit going on. You gotta do that shit yourself. Yeah, that's some outward shit. You know what the problem?

How fucking preposterous is it that our nuts just have to be less hot than the rest of our body? Why aren't nuts just able to- I don't know, but I love it. People who don't like nuts are fucking stupid. I think if I could be normal, like if I was the only one without balls, that would be a problem. But if none of us had balls, I think that would be better for the cause. I don't know, man. I wake up.

What do balls really bring to the table? Laughs. I've had so many laughs in my life out of my balls. Yeah. Dude, ugh. Well, all right. I'm talking personally. Right, right.

Not sexually, just like these are funny. Sexually, sometimes. Locker rooms, sometimes. But I'll just, I wake up on a long ball day, and I just pendulum it. It's funny. You ever go back up and down instead of side to side? Back up and down is dangerous. You can clap it.

You can make it clap. You can also catch it the wrong way. End up alone in the house yelling naked in the fetal position. Like, I got my nuts! You're right. I'll keep balls just for that. You know what I love? I think they're funny when they're small, too, when it's cold.

It's like a little Armadillo show. They're like, hunker down, boys. It's a little bit cold today. Let's batten down the hatches. I picture him like man on a fishing ship. They're like, hunker down, boys. It's a little bit cold today. Let's batten down the hatches. I picture it like man on a fishing ship. I picture it in 300 when you lock your shields together. So it's just one big dome that saves you. They move forward and lock them up again.

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or a backy store, whatever you call it. They might have them in shop as well. So get your Owens mixers and drink your Barstool 4Play transfusions. I thought this was going to be the funniest topic of the day clearly not it's all downhill from here folks it really is just turn it off now we'll see you next week fast forward to smith but there is a little movement at barstool with the

doge coin that i can't fucking get enough i don't know doge doge doge doge doge okay no one's ever said to me but okay that's i like doge dogecoin uh the tiktokers of the world decided they're gonna flex and they're gonna do a pump and dump scheme and they're gonna get dogecoin to go from like 0.0001 pennies to a full penny. I thought it was through a dollar. They wanted to go to a dollar? I thought it was a dollar. Well, they got a long way to go. Yeah, I think it's through a dollar.

We're still at fractions of a penny. I could be wrong. I'm pretty sure. I think Nick's going to check it out. I love having Nick as, like, stat guy now. This is unbelievable. Jamie, pull it up. Jamie, pull it up.

So, Quiggs is our resident TikTok guy, and he got on this. Now, I think this is a quick step. By the way, can I just say something about TikTok too? If you have been Around people Who have gotten into TikTok As just Viewers of the app

It's a goddamn fucking nightmare And I don't mean people who tweet about it Being in the same room As someone on TikTok No, they don't have to be a TikToker But someone who likes using TikTok because the app opens up, just punches you right in the fucking teeth. Music, blare, and boom.

And then it doesn't stop. It's not like an app you can listen to silently. It's just – So it's like, what are you doing? I'm looking at my TikTok. Well, get some fucking headphones then. Right, or leave the fucking room. It's – I dealt with it with my sisters.

It's a bit of nonsense. Or it's like you're in the middle of a conversation and they're like, that's what you're doing. Are you having a seizure? I'm TikTok-ing. Yeah, I think they're trying to get it to a dollar. Holy shit, we got a ways to go. We got a ways to go, but I believe anything's possible with the push of TikTok.

I believe that anything's possible with a Quigg scheme. And there are, it's like Greer and Quiggs, Joey Langone, Mikey Podcast. A lot of like some of the behind the scenes guys are all getting down with the Dogecoin movement and pushing it hard. I think they're now the drivers of it more so than these TikTok kids. And the excitement is fucking palpable. By the way, it doesn't matter how low a Dogecoin is. It just matters how much you buy and what the volatility. You could make money off Dogecoin if you buy enough of it. I don't know if it was real.

I never know. Quiggs is one of those guys. I'm like, I DMed him. I was like, is this fucking real? Is this all a fucking joke? He's one of those guys like Nick and KB. I keep it arm's length. You're playing a prank on me.

Do pussies really clean themselves? What's going on here um but he posted that someone bought like two million doge coins the other day and because i i tweeted i tweeted quigs and i said can you buy me some doge coin because i don't even know how the fuck i would go about that and he said how much do you want and i was like um i would like 1 000 do Doge coins, please. And someone tweeted back, that's $5. And I was like, let's make it 100,000 then. I mean, and the KFC mush shrunk. The Doge coin went down instantly, but it's back on the rise now.

But there is, and this is where I kind of understand the gambling itch a little bit when you're all on the over or you all have the same pick or whatever. But the Doge coin infectious nature was fucking unbelievable. I was like, I am brothers in arms with these guys now. We are riding for the Doge. I was just trying to buy Dogecoin. I threw it at Google. It's tough.

It's hard. I mean, remember you had to get Coinbase to buy Bitcoin? Well, I still have Coinbase. So when I say I threw it at Google, I just meant I went to Coinbase. I bought $5,000 worth of Bitcoin. That's just got to be gone by now. No, but Bitcoin, I think have Coinbase. So when I say I threw it to Google, I just meant I wanted Coinbase. I bought $5,000 worth of Bitcoin. That's just got to be gone by now. No, Bitcoin, I think it's doing well. No, but I just mean it's got to be gone.

Someone stole that from me, and I don't even know it. Oh, yeah. You don't have Coinbase? That was like three phones ago. I don't even have the app on my phone anymore. I wouldn't even know how to log in. Someone looked at that and was like, this has been inactive for so long. I got emails.

I've gotten emails sporadically saying like you have to continue to verify yours because i haven't even looked at coinbase again since since the heyday i mean i bought it at like the literal peak it might be doing better but i don't think it's ever back to where it was is it i couldn't because it was in like a yeah uh but dogecoin fractions of a penny uh i know tommy smokes made like 800 bucks off of it he put all he had like other crypto and he dumped it all into doge and then it went up and he's like i made fucking 500 an hour so like the the fun greer was like i've had two dreams my entire life one to be a part of a pump and dump scheme to get arrested for a white collar crime

we've already got one down and we might have number two as well. He also tweeted. He was like, isn't that you can knock those both out in one swing? Oh, yeah. Big time. It's about to happen. Are pump and dump schemes usually so public? That's the thing is, like, can you even get in trouble if it was like,

I said I was doing it, sir? Quiggs has been saying this isn't, I don't think, regulated by the SEC. Yeah, right, right, right. So that's why he's been doing it. That's huge. Because it's fucking made up. sir quiggs has been saying this isn't i don't think regulated by the sec yeah all right right right that's why that's huge just like because it's fucking made up it's like dog's face the video somebody said tweeted quiggs and said can you sell me on sell me on dogecoin why should i buy it and he just tweeted back a tiktok that's just like a fucking techno song and a dog's face rising on the charts that's it that's the only thing he had to sell and someone else was like oh like i lost money on davy day trader or something that he's like can i interest you in a in a cryptocurrency that's not regulated by the sec

everything is so funny about it someone uh greer said if patrick mahomes invested the full 503 million us dollars in Dogecoin, he'd have $903 million by now. Like, it's just, yeah, look at that. So somebody bought 954, 51 million Dogecoins. They bought 2.5 million Doge. See, my thing with this, though, is like, I feel like I already missed it. Well, okay, so I will admit.

I don't miss the making money aspect of it. I don't care about that. I mean, I missed, like, I'm late to the party it. Well, okay. So I will admit. I don't miss the making money aspect of it. I don't care about that. I mean, I missed like the fun. I'm late to the party now. I was late. So like you're definitely, like I jumped in. I was watching it on Twitter and I got a little high last night and I was like, I was enjoying myself and I was like, this is, I was tears.

Like the fucking dog face is so funny. And so I was like, fuck it. I, you know, I got FOMO. Let me get in on it. And even I was like, fuck it. I got FOMO. Let me get in on it. And even I was like, this is like the dad showing up to the party. Can I play beer pong? So it is late. But also, if it does go – like Quigs was like, tomorrow is going to be electric one way or the other.

We're going up. We're going down. But it's going. What did he do today? Are you saying he means tomorrow? No, he meant today. And I think it actually wasn't that crazy, but I said to him,

he bought for me, and I was like, I'll cash out you the money, and he was like, hopefully I'll be sending you money tomorrow. He's so fucking dog. It's.0004668 of a penny, but it's up 15%.

So if you bought 951 million Dogecoins and you had a $2.5 million investment, it's up 15%. You're caking it right now. Wait, but it's not .004 of a penny. It's half a penny. It's almost at a penny. No, no, no. 00.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You're right. Look, I did the math thing earlier. You've covered your bases. We're good. Look, I did the math thing earlier. You've covered your bases. We're good. I tweeted yesterday a Shroop buck is like.0001. We're close to Shroop buck categories. That's the best conversion right now. Yesterday when you bought, it was at 30 Shroop bucks.

When that dude tweeted me, that's $5, dude. I was like, oh, 100,000 doge, please. There's almost some fun in that, though. What is this special that's trending up here? J.K. Rowling calls for an end to cancel culture? No fucking shit. Wait, what did she say? J.K. Rowling calls for an end to cancel culture.

I'm actually, I am, there are two people right now that I am team, I'm team Bryson DeChambeau, and I don't think anybody else in the world is. And at this point, I think I've got no choice but to be team J.K. Rowling. This bitch does not shut the fuck up. She says whatever comes to her mind at all times. At some point, it's got to be like you're just stirring the pot. But J.K. Rowling, I mean, she's been done with her books for a minute.

Just win, baby. Like, you keep putting out hits. Right. I mean, she's written what? her books for a minute. But she's also like a just win baby. Like, you keep putting out hits. Right. I mean, she's written what? 15 books at this point? Right. Plays and movies? Like, you can say whatever.

Wow, everyone signed this thing, huh? What is this? This is a list. By everyone, I mean I see a lot of names. Oh, this is the fucking, the Minifan fucking moron sent me this being like, oh, so you don't think cancel culture exists? Because a bunch of fucking dickhead celebrities signed a letter? No.

Are any of these celebrities I only recognize? I'm sure. Author, Yale University, poet. Okay, you dickheads. A bunch of poets signed a fucking petition and now all of a sudden cancel culture exists? You goddamn morons. Oh, Malcolm Gladwell got in there because that fucking idiot he went from being the smartest guy in the world

and everyone says he's so fucking stupid now. I don't know why. I just know everyone thinks that. idiot, he went from being the smartest guy in the world to the castle and he blew it. He's so fucking stupid now. I don't know why. I just know everyone thinks that. I think he just said something that's probably, uh, you know, and he got cancelled. He's like too smart for his own good. He probably said something like, you know, it doesn't matter what race you are. It's like, fuck you! Burn in hell!

Nobody's important on this. I'm scanning names, but none are jumping out except Gladwell. Oh, is that Mia Khalifa up there? No way. No, it's Khalid Khalifa. I just saw Khalifa. But I was going to say.

Dogecoin. Dogecoin. Get in on it. Buy, buy, buy, and never sell. That's what Craig said to me. He said something like, hold on for the ride. Sell to top, but that's a trick question because we don't sell here too good um we got a couple voicemails we do have schmidt max greenfield from um from uh um new girl on the show today um we'll get into a bunch of mi the

assholes because we had like a week off and mi the asshole went off. Really? I mean, everyone I saw was just like, holy shit, this world is fucking crazy. But first, we got to do a couple more current events. They're brought to you by Manscaped. Listen, your balls are hanging. They're hanging low. They're pulled up tight like an armadillo. Sometimes, I don't know, is it easier?

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Trim your chesticles with the besticles and get 20% off. Kanye has just jumped the shark. Kanye has 1,000% jumped the shark. It is sad. It's sad. It used to be a point. We've argued about him over the years. We've argued about him in circles for like hours. But there's just no argument to even be made anymore. That's a sad

thing. So Kanye West has gone on Forbes. He went on Forbes called him or set up an interview where they participated in a four-hour rambling rant. Could you imagine four hours of anything, let alone the ramblings of a fucking lunatic? And they said at points during the interview, he would just break out into rap. But I do want to read you the introduction because it is interesting.

It says, for much of the phone calls, his core message strategically Oh, he's over the phone? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy moly. Was that he has 30 days to make a final decision about running for president. At that point, he says, he'd missed filing the deadline for most states, though he believes an argument could be made to get on any ballots he'd missed citing coronavirus issues.

I'm speaking with experts. I'm speaking with Jared Kushner at the White House with Biden, says Wes. He has no campaign apparatus of any kind his advisors right now he says are the two people who notably endorsed him on the fourth his wife kim kardashian west and elon musk of whom he says we've been talking about this for years adds west i proposed to him he'd be the head of our space program in our interview the hedging was done he says he definitely plans to run on 2020 he says the campaign slogan is yes his running mate michelle tidball an obscure preacher from wyoming and why the birthday party because when when we win it's everybody's birthday corny if it all sounds like

a parody or a particularly surreal episode of the keeping up with the caressions west doesn't seem to be in on it calling from his ranch near cody wyoming where he says that he registered to vote for the first time on monday west denies it is a publicity stunt for his upcoming album i give away my album for free he says a week a week after he ended two separate this is crazy to him a few weeks after he ended two separate text change with me with the message trump 2020 and a fist raised high he insists he's now lost confidence in the president it looks like one big mess to me he says i don't like that i caught wind that he hid in the bunker. West also says that he contracted.

That was the drawing. Right, that was it. He said he contracted coronavirus in February, though he maintains that he had nothing to do with his thoughts on running this year. So, like, that's basically it. He says he won't say much more about Trump. I mean, he went on to say he's not going to take a corona vaccine because that's the mark of the beast. It it's what he's done is white supremacy voting democrats

a sign of white supremacy i do think like you're just saying buzzwords that you like heard on the internet man i think i i think at a time i've obviously argued this i thought kanye west was a true original yeah i thought he was amazing yeah and crazy in like a creative way but like in a funny way too. I thought he had a great sense of humor about everything. And my favorite Kanye story of all time is that at his wedding in Paris or wherever it was, in Europe they got married. After they had sent home Rob for being too fat,

Kanye came downstairs in his tuxedo and saw a white bar, and he hated it. So in his wedding tux, he's that ready for his wedding, he got a hacksaw, a handsaw, sawed the bar in half, bent it ajar a bit, took two 2x4s, nailed it to the bar, and as he walked away, he said, has anyone done anything as creatively important as me or as Yeezy this year? Or something along those lines. He said, anybody who has a problem with this, like, did you ever put out anything that was as culturally relevant as Yeezys was? And, like, that's fucking hilarious.

That's insane. Right. But that's hilarious. And it's swagger and it's cocky and it's harmless and it's funny but now kanye west is a woman named betty on facebook yeah like he's oh coronavirus is the mark of the beast yeah and fucking uh uh what is it with abortion is white supremacy i mean he turned into anti-vaxxer mega guy it's like there's plenty of you bro right you are you are the exact opposite of an original there's nothing unique there's nothing fun not like there's nothing unique, there's nothing fun

there's nothing creative about you you are just a fucking repeat of a thousand white women we've seen in a black guy's body that's not creative or original I saw a clip of him the other day from 2007 and I think it was at Live Aid

or one of those charity festivals and it was him, John Mayer, and Sting were playing together. And I can't remember which song he played. But John Mayer's like shredding. It was crazy because I think John Mayer's like a megastar. And John Mayer was like a part of the band. He was like over there.

And this is like the Sting and Kanye show. And it was more so like the Kanye show. So we had like major stars on stage. And it was the Kanye show. And he's doing his song and stings like you know freestyling with the guitar and he starts to freestyle and he's like sting you're the only police who's good in the hood and it was like this you know put your hands in the air and i was like this i know it's so cliche to say like old kanye is great but it's just like

it went from like old kanye um music to like old kanye like your personality stinks now right you know right right that's even worse if you change your style musically whatever i don't like it anymore but some people do when you change your personality and they change like who you are and you do these things that feel so transparent and fake and contrived it's like well that undoes like everything you know i mean that makes all of it seem like it was an act or whatever, you know? But it's like – and I mean – it's the birthday party? The birthday party. Are you fucking kidding me? For a guy who's supposed to be a rapper and a wordsmith and a creator.

And don't get me wrong. We're not like tricked into thinking he's actually doing this. No, but the fact that that's even – This is a lame publicity stunt. Yeah. It's not a creative, fun publicity stunt. Do a publicity stunt. Do it well though.

This is a publicity stunt that's already – again, you used to be the creative. You used to be the guy who had foresight and all that stuff. And like, this is a publicity stunt that was tried just last campaign. The guy happened to fucking win. Even he's pissed about that. But, like, Kanye did, like, dude, they just did this.

Remember Larry Flint used to be on the ballot and fucking Joe Exotic was in debates. Like, you're not the first guy to think of running for president as a publicity stunt. Come up with the next thing. Do the next crazy thing. And instead it's just like that. The president thing was fun for a little while until someone won it and it's like, well, that one's not fun anymore.

Yeah, now it's a problem. You just stink at it. He's like, I don't care if I take away votes from Trump. He wants to turn fucking Washington D.C. into Wakanda. That was used like, I'm'm gonna use Wakanda as a guide well that's a comic book though. Yeah it's not real it's a fucking magical

technologically advanced city from the future so not happening man you dumb asshole. So we're off Kanye West and we're on to Am I the Asshole let's get right into it because like I said man we were on a heater for a minute there.

Um, I, I spent the past like 10 days just going through and throwing out likes and let me get through them. Um, let's start with, and we'll, I'll try to like, we'll try to go like rapid fire through them because you know, we can dig into these these things but this is a funny one we can do quickly but it just it just shows how like different guys and girls are because this is a problem that guys will run into and like come up with something real quick and this girl went to the goddamn internet to try to figure it out i'm not sure what my boyfriend's name is and it's too late to ask we met on tinder his name is s-h-R-I-R-A-A-M. I'm pretty sure he just goes by the second syllable. Not entirely sure. Wait, can you spell it again?

Sorry. S-H-R-I-R-A-A-M. So I would just say like that's Sharam. Right. He goes by the second syllable. Not entirely sure. And I'm not sure if it's pronounced like Ram or Ram. I introduced him to my roommate and I was like, hey, this is the special guy I told you you about i hoped he'd say his name when he introduced himself to her but he didn't we've

been in a relationship for a month i can't ask what his name is now i googled sharam pronunciation and can't find results i i find that very hard to believe too you can fucking there's something on youtube for fucking every pronunciation you know um so she's asking uh So then the other day he asks her. And I think this is a dude who knows. I think this is a Seinfeld situation where he's like, she hasn't said my name in a month. He says, can you scream my name during sex? And she said, sure. And now I'm in urgent need to know of his name.

Is it pronounced Shri Ram, Shri Ram, Shri Ram, Shriam, Shriram, Shriram, Shriram. She has every fucking combination there. And she doesn't know what to do. She's 23. He's 26. And I don't give a fuck about people not knowing my name. I don't think you have no self-respect. First of all, just bite the pillow and say it.

You're fucking me so good. Like, he, like, first of all, just bite the pillow and say it. Yeah. True! True! But, like. You're fucking me so good, I can't, I blacked out. I can't remember your name. And I never, ever will. And you know what? If a guy asks you, we've said this many times before back in the day, great default, just tell me you're sore. Tell me, right?

Like, oh my God, you're fucking me so deep. He won't care about his name. Whatever. The, I think it probably stems from Just growing up with a name that People find hard to pronounce So I just stopped caring Who gives a shit about a name?

What's a name? Has it ever happened with a girlfriend though? With a girlfriend? No, with my very best friend, yes I knew my best friend for two years And he wasn't asking for Feidelberg He was asking what my name was John? Yeah, we were walking into a Red Sox and he wasn't asking for Feidelberg. He was asking what my name was. John? Yeah, we were walking into a Red Sox game.

Because he always called you Feidelberg? Yeah, he always called me Feitz. So we're walking up Lansdowne Street, and he just looks over. And he had driven. We were young enough where he has a license now, and I don't. So he's a little older than me, so he's kind of like my friend I looked up to. And he just looks at me with the saddest eyes. He's like, yo, man, what's your name?

I was like, what? He's like, I know everything about you. I don't even know your name. What's your first name? That's also a difference in guys and girls. We're just going to say it. I don't know your fucking name, dude. I mean,

I think in this situation over the course of a month, you have to get your friend to bite the bullet and be like, how do you, what's your name? Right. That's a fucking easy solution. You thought about that. This girl's,

she has bad friends, you know? Yeah. Like when, when she said I introduced him as this special guy, the friend needs to say, Oh, you're the special guy she's

looking at what's your name and then it's done i'd be like hasn't she said it yeah i hope that this guy does know what's going on and he just keeps dancing around it oh we just go like i'm mr special guy like that's my new name whatever um but you know just it's why it's she's probably some white girl who's never met a guy named shram I've never seen that name I don't think I would struggle with it but I don't think I would let this go on for a month I would figure out something Oh no I'd let it go on forever Would I be the asshole

For telling my husband he can't Masturbate in the shower Now wait for it though Ever since we've been together my husband 34 Has been masturbating in the shower And lying to me about it. I don't care that he looks at porn or masturbates, but he's got a gross habit. He does it in a dry shower.

Oh, my God. What does that mean? You read the title and you're like, you can't stop a guy from jerking off in the shower. When the water is not running and you're not taking a shower you can't jerk off into the fucking tub so he says uh he she says he leaves the evidence splattered in all directions and then entirely denies it when she dragged him in there and pointed it out he said i don't know it's shampoo or something i confronted him about this countless times because i think it's revolting that i've had to scrub his dried semen out of the tub but when we moved somewhere with two bathrooms

I told him that he needed to limit his activities to the spare bathroom he still vehemently denied it that's a dangerous game you're going to go in there and it's going to be like a fucking Jackson Pollock all over the place you don't go see the spare bathroom for a few months go in there and it just stinks like dry cum

now plot twist. They're having a baby, and the spare room is becoming the nursery. So the nasty bathroom is attached to our baby's room. I want to nip this in the bud before we start potty training because my kids shouldn't be subjected to that. I've been complaining that there's a musty smell in there.

I pulled back the drain. I don't even know what this means. It's approaching pony jar status. It's a pony jar. I'm guessing a jerked off horse. Don't Google that. Absolutely Google pony jar. It's got to be some sort of jar you're just coming in, right?

I think it's a jar of horse semen. Oh, my God. Would I be the asshole if I insisted he stop masturbating in the shower? I mean. This is crazy time. Dude, you ever been

on the toilet, right? And you're looking at Instagram. Oh boy. No, don't show it. Don't show it. I don't want to do it today. I don't want to do it today.

I can't do it. I have to limit how often this happens and I don't want to do it today. So it's an old meme where a guy showed his pony jar. It's a mason jar with a My Little Pony doll, and he's trying to fill it up.

Absolutely vile. God, absolutely fucking vile. The color is disgusting. Yeah, we're good. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. But, like, you ever been on a toilet and you're looking at Instagram in a shared bathroom, even in your own bathroom, any bathroom of any kind ever, and you're like, well, fuck,

I'm horny. Whoops. All right. Well, I've been in a pretty good position to any bathroom of any kind ever. And you're like, well, fuck, I'm horny. Whoops. All right. Well, I look, I've been in a pretty good position to take care of this real quick. This would be the better place to do it than like the kitchen or the. And then if you, if you came, you inspect that. You gotta clean it up. You're like, I like, what if like, I look at a thing like, like I'm a fucking cleaning lady.

Yes. I can't leave cum on a toilet. That would be fucking crazy. It's gotta all be gone. Right. And this guy's just cumming all over his wife's shower. A dry bathroom is fucking disgusting. Why would you want to do that?

Absolutely. I mean, that's got to go. You should be ashamed of masturbating. That's what we learn as a young boy. Yeah, right. Clean up all the evidence. I mean, these are clearly Jews. They don't have the Catholic guilt.

You got to have the Catholic guilt. You gotta have the Catholic guilt. Jewish people don't get... No, I don't know. I'm just saying, like, it was instilled in us. Jewish guilt. Jewish guilt's got guilt. Yeah? About, like, sex and jerking off and stuff?

I think they do. I just know that the Catholics do. You're not supposed to do anything with your dick or your pussy until you're fucking dead. You know? Like, let me jerk off. I think, I mean, Jewish guilt. I mean, Larry David, I don't know what the difference between Catholic guilt and Jewish guilt is, and dead. Let me jerk off. I think Jewish guilt, Larry David, I don't know what the difference between Catholic guilt and Jewish guilt is, but I know Larry David

is talking about Jewish guilt. So maybe all of us are afraid to jerk off. I think every religion takes guilt. To be honest. That's part of religion, isn't it? Every religion is like, yeah, the classic us guilt. No, it's just human beings. We're all embarrassed and ashamed of ourselves at all times.

I mean, that's great. That's why I think that religion is just nuts that we even buy into it. It's just like you just have to tell yourself all the time that you're terrible. Just fucking do that. I'm trying to find – I don't need any help, bro. I don't need a book on how to do it. We're already there.

I don't need to read 10,000 pages on this. I can't need a book on how to do it. We're already there. I don't need to read 10,000 pages on this. I can't find it. That's like when you transfer colleges. That's something pretty unique to me. You know what it is. You transfer colleges six times. And you've got to retake a class. And you're like, I'm not even going to get the book on this.

I know how to do this shit. I'm going to waste my money on this fucking textbook. I can't find. I quote tweeted this, and I can't find it. But I'm going to parap my money on this fucking textbook. I can't find, I quote tweeted this and I can't find it, but I will, I'm going to paraphrase this one. The guy, the girl whose boyfriend kept disappearing into the bathroom with a stick of butter and coming out of the bathroom with no stick of butter. What? what she said he would walk in there with like a fucking rectangular brick of butter be in there for like 45 minutes he comes out no stick of butter in his hand no sign of the butter in the bathroom and i just quote tweeted and i said your boyfriend sticking sticks of

butter up his ass i don't know it but i mean, I know. Okay, you found it. I searched that exact fucking phrase, and it just didn't. Twitter search was the worst. I searched because I remember responding saying, he's a human chicken Kiev. I mean, it's a long one. I've been dating my boyfriend for two years. We just moved in together. I just started to notice this butter habit. What what'd she say there at the end nick like does she she confronts

him and she asked him to stop doing it don't tell my girlfriend this guy exists because i might be in trouble we went shopping we went food shopping for fourth of july weekend and we like we we got the groceries for the house i want you to guess how many sticks of butter my girlfriend bought. You went away for a weekend. For the weekend. We were at Walmart. By the way, we went to a Walmart just because it was the closest thing to it. Yeah.

And they don't even have a produce section. I don't know if they've ever been food shopping at Walmart before. I don't know if that's universal. At this Walmart, they were like, you want a vegetable? Fuck you. They're like, we got like, you want a vegetable? Fuck you. They're like, we got the frozen cheeseburgers down the line. I would think that on a weekend away, I don't even know why you need any butter

at all. Agreed. I wouldn't have got butter. I think anything over a quarter of a stick is too many. So you got eight sticks of butter. Was it like two four-packs? Yeah, it was two four-packs. So that's even crazier because if you went to the butter aisle and they were just like, they only have eight sticks of butter.

I need some butter. They only have eight. But she could have got one set of four. She could have got one set of four. She got two sets of four. We joked about it all weekend. She was probably like, put them up your ass, bro. She was probably like, these are for cooking and these will be for his ass.

So she confronts the boyfriend and he said, don't ever ask me again about my butter activities. He said, just look the other way on this one thing. It's not a big deal at the end of the day. I mean, first of all, that's the answer, right? Unless he's eating it. There's only one way you can make it disappear. It's either in your mouth or in your ass. If you're stuffing it down the drain, it's not going down the toilet. I hope, there's only, there's only one way you can make it disappear. It's either in your mouth or in your ass. If you're stuffing it down the drain,

it's not going down the toilet. I hope he's just there. Hammering it down the shower drain. Question it. Just like, I just need to control one thing in my life right now. And it's where this butter goes. It's just a stress thing.

You don't let me make any decisions. So guess what? I'm putting butter in the shower. You can't stop me make any decisions. So guess what? I'm putting butter in the shower. You can't stop me, bitch. Every night, just like how a supervillain is made, where it's just like, nothing is going my way ever. No one respects me. I must do something.

It's just shower it's either that or genocide he shows shower butter it's a hero it's the worst day it's the worst part of every day for him he's like I gotta go fucking stick the butter down the drain or I'm gonna

kill the cat it's like it showed me who's boss just look the other way at this one thing Kill the cat. Just look and show everyone. Just look and show me who's boss. Just look the other way at this one thing, babe. I mean, he's definitely putting sticks of butter up his ass. Which is crazy. Oh, she said, I don't think he's eating it because he's not overweight.

Yeah, I mean, if you're eating a stick of butter a day in the bathroom, you'd be fat at least. There'd be evidence. Unbelievable. Let me rattle through a couple more here. I caught my girlfriend giving my dad a foot massage. 22-year-old female giving a 54-year-old father a massage. She gets up

at 6 a.m. to do the cleaning in silence. Yeah, I'm skipping ahead here, but me and my girlfriend have been dating for a while. It's really not. It's only like two sentences. Well, if you get to 6 a.m. to clean it. Why?

They moved in with the parents. She's made a point to help around the house because they're kind of like squatting during the quarantine. So she gets up early to do the cleaning. This morning she woke me up as she left the room. I didn't think much of it. My mouth felt dry. I went down to get a glass of water. The guest room door was open. I opened it, saw my father laying on a chair by the bed with his feet up,

and my girlfriend was sitting in front of him with her hands wrapped around his feet. Both fully clothed. They looked back at me. I looked back, and I just quietly headed back to my room, locking the door. That's exactly what I would do. Be like, I don't know what this is. I'm going to go in there. I'm going to close the door. I'm going to would do like i don't know what this is i'm gonna go in there i'm gonna close the door i'm gonna open it back up and restart the day i'm not even

acknowledging this fucking nightmare absolutely not i heard my girlfriend knocking on the door telling me it was just a foot massage it's not what i think i heard my dad knocking too calling me immature then i heard my mother the mom's in the mix uh come out for food. I mean, that's weird. It's insane. There's no platonic foot rubs. Also, foot rubs suck. I don't know how to give a foot rub, so stop asking me to give foot rubs. Again, a very specific situation here.

No, no, no. All you people out there asking me. No, no, no. That's not something that gets asked a lot, but it's actually even me who starts it Just because I know people who like foot rubs And I'm just like I just go like this

Yeah you would be terrible at it Especially with those hooves ears I'm like no I'm not Oh my hands I just go like this What are you supposed to do You gotta knead bro Dude fucking knead I mean that's what's good The kneading I just go like this. What are you supposed to do? You got to need, bro. Dude, fucking need.

I mean, that's what's good. The needing? People need? Yeah. But that hurts my thumbs. Well, it's not fun to massage shit. Are you going to massage my thumbs afterwards? Yeah, that's the thing.

There's always one person in the couple who does the massaging. And it's not going to be me. I'm going to buy you shit. You're going to rub me. That's how this is going to work. That's the transaction here, okay? I'll pay for dinner. You rub me. You scratch rub me. That's how this is going to work. That's the transaction here, okay? I'll pay for dinner. You rub me.

Scratch my head. That's all I fucking want in this world. Like, it's not the same. Girls, a guy getting his head scratched, there's no comparison for you. So don't even fucking try it. Just scratch my head and we'll have a happy relationship. Seriously. Scratch my head and we'll have a happy relationship.

You don't even have to fuck me. Just scratch my head. It's that fucking important. But also, this is just completely insane, obviously. You can't. It's not even a step. There's no, I don't know. Next one, there's no saving.

There's no saving. Fuck it. That's over. It's done. I'm going to do this one and maybe squeeze one more in because there's like eight of them. We can't just keep this all the whole show. But this one is infuriating. My girlfriend, 25, repeatedly insists that I redo my proposal over and over.

He's 24. She's 25. I proposed in late 2019 after two years together. Now that I'm thinking back on it, it wasn't the most well thought out or planned proposal. It was mostly spontaneous. It came when we were lying in bed. I didn't even have the ring at the time. At that time, I told my girlfriend, my girlfriend said that she would love to marry me,

but she had been looking forward to a more elaborate proposal. So he was like, all right, I'll get you. It was spontaneous, but I'll do the right thing. So a month later, he goes shopping for the perfect ring. He goes and gets some candles. She loved the ring, teared up with happiness. She said that she really appreciated my effort, but what she meant by more, quote, elaborate was something original that she could tell our kids about one day. She mentioned the name of one of her friends whose boyfriend proposed by making a huge video montage of their time together. I decided to start over, and in February, I planned a three-night trip away in our favorite city. This time, I spared no expense. I ordered all the extras, the five star hotel, the photographer and opera quartet. When I asked her to marry me, my girlfriend said yes, I thought it all went well.

Except when we were alone again, she gently told me that she didn't think it was the right time because she was worried about the COVID-19 quarantine being part of the memory. Since then, I've carried around the ring with me everywhere I go. At this point, I've even tried to involve my girlfriend in some sort of proposal planning, asking how, where, when she'd like us to get engaged. However, she's told me that she doesn't exactly know what she's looking for. I'll just know the right proposal when it comes around. Last week, I thought I'd bite the bullet again. After cooking her a homemade meal, I asked her if she'd like to be my wife. She asked me if I was, quote, trying to propose homemade meal I asked her if she'd like to be my wife She asked me if I was quote trying to propose

And I asked her what was wrong with that Once more she told me that she can't wait to marry me But it's not quite the right proposal We're on four Fucking proposals I could understand one Like alright yeah I kind of fucked that one up And then two maybe it's like hey it's quarantine

Four? Oh you don't get two The one in bed okay I'll get you a ring and i'll propose with the ring right after that it's i mean take it or leave it fucking run for the fucking hills man that's i mean what you're she's just doing like the dinner meme but with marriage proposals like what's the dinner me like i don't know what i want to eat oh right right right like i don't know when you say the right place i'll fucking watch what i want to eat tonight. Right, right, right. But, like, I don't know. If you say it in the right place, I'll fucking watch what I want. Right, right. It's like I'm not going to sit here just guessing for fucking an endless, infinite amount of times.

That's, I mean, you're just signing yourself up for life for that. Absolutely. You can't have it. That's one of those things. You can't have it. It's like you probably should legit be done. Right. You know?

Oh, because if not, you're just cosigning. First of all, you're cosigning that behavior. Right. We can't do that. We have to tell our partners how we feel and say, guess what? You're making me feel inadequate. And I don't feel like I'm fulfilling your needs in a relationship despite the fact that you keep telling me that I am. Go off, King.

And it's time for you to either say, you've done the best you can, and I respect that. And that's enough or it's not enough. And that's enough or it's not enough. So you're either going to have to make a decision or not going to have to make a decision. Motherfuckers getting five quartets. Opera quartets are not enough. I've seen The Office it's not enough. So you're either going to have to make a decision or not going to have to make a decision. Motherfuckers getting five quartets? Opera quartets are not enough? I've seen The Office. I know how much a quartet costs.

He just went with the fucking cello player or the bass player or whatever it was. He's going full quartet, sparing no expense. If that's not enough for you, I don't know what is. I mean, that's really like, that's some privileged shit.

This is the bullshit of the whole fucking thing. The whole system. The whole system. It's like we need to defund proposals, bro. We got to break down the whole system and rebuild it. Let's not stop. I'mund proposals, bro. We've got to break down the whole system and rebuild it. Let's not stop. I'm with all these systems.

Once we get these ones down. There's a couple of pressing ones that we've got to take care of first. And then we'll get to the proposal and the relationship. Let's try to cut the line or anything. But at some point, the marriage system should be. Let's also wait. Let's let college fail first. Let's let that bubble go.

Racism fixed. College gone. But police will work on that one. Political system. Two party democratic systems got to go. And then it's time for the fellows to take the control back. And then I'm tired of buying expensive rings and having expensive parties. Crazy.

Anybody who buys a real diamond and doesn't just fucking buy a fake one is nuts. There is no way you'd ever get caught. Unless your girlfriend's really crazy. I mean, like. Like going to get checked out. Yeah. I mean, you got to be. Then you have your red flag. And then you can play like, oh, you don't trust me?

Right. I'm not going to a jeweler to do that. Because it's fucking fake. Voicemail time. I got a couple more good M.I.A. assholes, but I'll save it for next week. Voicemails today are brought to you by Stitch Fix. You can't go out to the stores. You can't go out shopping and all these during quarantine.

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Right. The way I dress might make you think, well, this guy thinks he's a dickhead. Right. Definitely. But there are a lot of times where I'm like, I don't know if I can pull that off. But if it just got sent to you. But if it got sent to you, you're like, it's already here. Fuck, I can rock that.

I'm going to pop it on. Yeah, I can do that. It's if it just got sent to you, it's already here. Fuck, I can rock that. I'm going to pop it on. I can do that. It's also available for women and kids now. It's also available in the UK. Shipping and exchanges and returns are always free when you do want to return things. The only catch here is that if you want to get our discount, you've got to keep the whole first box. But when you make your style preferences and they're delivering you your first few items, it's guaranteed to be a home run

because they're going to hit you with the essentials and everything that you need. So go to stitchfix.com slash KFC. You'll get an extra 25% off when you keep everything in that first box. The $20 styling fee is applied automatically towards anything you keep. Never have to worry about looking good again. Stitchfix.com slash KFC for an extra 25% off. Hey, what's up boys? So me and my buddy, we were talking at work about, like, if you could have one underrated superpower that, like, is so stupid but it's great, what would it be? Our argument is I said I would have, like, a three-foot aura where, like,

bugs can touch me. You can sit on it, like, on a night. No fucking way. So this is a two-parter right here because we just talked about Tom Cruise on the rundown who Thandie Newton. Thandie Newton. Thandie Newton is co-star on Mission Impossible. And the girl from Maeve from Westworld said that he has his superpower. His metabolism is so good that Tom Cruise can get grow and get rid of pimples in like one sitting in like a matter of one scene in the midst

of filming a scene she could watch a pimple grow whitehead and disappear and that's insane obviously and makes me believe in scientology yeah but it also gets you thinking about like what would be a good superpower that's not like superhuman strength or flight second part to the question because this guy mentioned a bug zapper aura. Marty Mush hit me with the hypothetical the other day. Would you rather every time you leave the house, bug flying in your face, bothering you in your ear, can't get rid of it, or you get stung by a bee 20 times a year? Oh, so you just changed the number since me. But he has asked me one time, too.

And it was. Did he move it down to 12? It was 13 yeah because we we moved it down and we basically compared it to like getting a period for a girl like he was gonna have one shitty occurrence per month i started at 20 i thought i think 20 is way i stepped i got stung by a bee for the first time this past weekend first time in my life stepped on it oh really people have been downplaying how much that hurts it's a motherfucker i was like i have stepped on a nail like they're my i have a hole in my foot my foot got all red swollen and like the spot where the fucking stinger was turned like white and lumpy i was like well we're gonna have to amputate

and it was like 15 minutes and it was gone but that 15 minutes i was like uh my knees hurt my bodies are it was crazy i got stung by a bee in the eye three days in a row as a child. What? What? One was at a gas station. One was at BCC, Bristol Community College, the pond. They had these pull-up bars. And one was under there.

I forget where the third one was. But it was three days in a row of right here, right here. My eyeball got stung like three times. It's one of the crazier feats I've accomplished in my day. I mean, so your superpower should be like that bees can't get you because. I honestly don't think it's happened since then. Well, I actually, I was going to say, yeah, it's almost like getting chicken pox when you're young. Like just let's get my, you got, you know, I would say the average human gets stung like three times in their lifetime.

You got it all out of the way in your eyeball in one week. Jesus Christ, John. No wonder you're fucked. Anyway, best casual everyday superhero. By the way, I still went with Beastings. Really? It's just if a bug was flying in your face all day, every day. You could get used to it.

But you might get used to it. I don't think so. Because one of those things like a water dripping. Yeah. You might get used to don't think so. Because one of those things, like a water dripping. Yeah. You might get used to it. Chinese water torture. But also if you just think about the times where you're just outside for so long and there's no place to hide ever for it. Yeah. Like you're at a football game.

That's your life basically. And it's just like, fuck, fuck. Right? So you got to go with the 15 minutes of pain once a month. I mean, I'm coming off a fresh bee sting, though. I ain't trying to get stung ever again, bro, let alone 20 times a year. I mean, think about that. By the time I'm 40, by the time I was going to say 75, 40 more years from now,

I've been stung 800 times. Okay, so another change you had for me then. It's one year. One year for the first one, five years for the bee stings. So it's once a month for five years for the bee stings and just one year with the bug. I mean, Marty's all over the fucking place

moving the fucking goalposts with his ocean walls and everything. Fuck you. I think a quality to tie it into earlier in the show, if you just automatically knew everyone's name, never forget a name don't even need to be introduced I walk in, I'm just like, that's Nick, that's John

and I never forget that's my one problem that's the one thing that me and a lot of people do is they fret over it and they have angst over it and you just never have to worry about it shit, fuck, I wish you didn't nail that so fast it and they have angst over it. Never have to worry about it. Shit. Fuck. I wish you didn't nail that so fast.

I think that sense of direction? You've got the GPS now. Yeah, I don't need it. I've got it everywhere. Fuck. Unlimited butter. One superpower.

It's got to be ones at work, like to always know what your boss is thinking or what your boss is going to do or have the ability to like – like if you could snap your fingers and Dave would just like forget a certain thing. You know, Dave's mad at you. You said this. Just like now you don't. I can catch emails. You know, Dave's mad at you. You said this. Just like, no, you don't. I can catch emails. Catch emails?

Yeah. Like when you send them? Yep. I can pull back emails. You motherfucker. Yeah. Yeah. That should have been my answer.

If you, I can pull back messages. Yeah. Text messages. It's honestly something I rarely want to do. But when you do need it, you need it. But when you do need it, you need it. I would probably use it for the rest of my life. I'd probably use it under five times. You might get addicted

to it, though. Especially if it's like I can put the words back in my mouth. It's like every time you spout off of the mouth, you're just like, let me rewind. And I can just say the right thing. You'd probably never get through a day. You'd probably just constantly be rewinding the whole fucking day. But either of those two things are going to get you out of a lot of trouble.

Those are two great answers. When you're running up against Sharans. Thanks to you for both of them. Next up. Yo, KFC, Mike, super producer, BC. I was driving home from work today and I saw the strangest thing I've ever seen for sale in someone's yard.

It was a casket. So, two questions. First, what's the worst thing you guys ever seen in someone's yard? And two, what do you think of the story behind this person throwing a casket in their yard? I changed my mind.

I no longer want to be cremated. I would like to be buried in a casket. No, I don't want to be displayed. I just want to be buried in a random casket. I want to be the second person buried in a casket. the front lawn no i want this way i just want to be buried in a random casket like i want to be that i want to be the second person buried in the casket throw me in like all right grandpa's been dead for long enough let's sell that casket dig him up you can get grandpa out clean up the inside johnny's turn he's like dust anyway he's

not taking up much space just toss him in you. You vacuum up. By the way, did you know that, what's her name? Eliza's sister. Eliza who? From Hamilton. Angelica. Angelica. He got buried next to Angelica. Yeah, I did know that.

What a jacked up situation that is. The whole thing really takes away from the song of Helpless, where it's like all this love. And it's like, he was fucking the wrong sister. Fucking everybody and the wrong person. And then you're buried next to the other one. It's crazy. It's crazy. But sure, throw me in there with Grandpa.

I don't know if they're, this might be not funny. This is like a COVID thing where it's like – I heard stories of like my brother-in-law's friend got like – his body got like dropped off at the house because it was like – there were not funeral homes taken. Is it for sale though? Is it for sale or is it just like on the lawn? Look, if you just –

During a yard sale. Yeah. Okay. That makes it a lot better because I heard a story about like it was a body in a box that like they were like, we don't know what to do with this You gotta bring it inside At the very least They did not know what to do

If someone If my mom got dropped off on the front lawn Like fucking Amazon I was like I'll get it I got a doorbell I'll get it in a minute Just leave it at the front door I'll tell it. I got a doorbell. I'll get it in a minute. Right? Like you put in the notes, just leave it at the front door. Yeah.

I mean, I'll tell you this right now, whoever it is, I'm giving it a solid hour of like Googling what I can do. And then I'm setting it on fire. I am not having a dead body decomposing on my front stuff. That's some white trash shit. The only thing worse than having a fucking coffin for sale at your tag sale is having a dead body on your front step.

So let's go back to the yard sale because that's hilarious. How do you have a coffin for sale? Unless you were like, I'm terminal. I'm going to die. Bought a coffin and then you survive. And it's like, well, I got this coffin. I mean, by the way, when you sell a coffin, when you buy a coffin, you buy it on layaway. Not even layaway, but like...

When you need it. You charge me when it's time. It's a reservation. Dude, by the way, my girlfriend's watching Unsolved Mysteries. The reboot, yeah. And this dude was talking about... You don't know Unsolved Mysteries? I knew the phrase, but I just thought it was a phrase.

No, it's a fucking heater of a show. I'll be honest, the Netflix one's not great. That's the review I got. But there are, it's like, it's getting a lot of tips. Like, they're solving cases

because of it. But the guy in it, I don't know, so she was just texting me videos, so I don't know what the story is about how he got there. Right.

But this old guy, they found his wife's remains. And he made them lay out her skeleton as anatomically correctly as possible. And then had them leave the room so he could dance with her skull. And I was like, this is the craziest video I've ever seen. And then once she was cremated, he slept in bed with her for like three years. I'll tell you two things that's going to that guy is gonna murder someone oh she thinks he that he's gonna did it i think your girlfriend's gonna murder someone oh she is so in on that shit she loves it she is a serial killer she has killed and she will kill you as much

unbelievable just taking notes the whole time. If you're dancing with a skull and sleeping with a body, you're a fucking – I don't care. I'll tell you this much. Maybe one day I find love again. I ain't going to love anybody that much. I don't care what kind of connection you have. That ain't fucking happening. But I got to imagine the resale on a coffin is just trash.

You know what's terrible? The ring. If you're ever reselling an engagement ring, they're like, well, we know what happened here, and we know you don't need this fucking thing. So we'll give you, like, a dogecoin on the dollar for this one. You get the GameStop, like, four bucks for a grand. I almost walked out the door two seconds ago. Like, nah, four bucks. That's a coffin right there.

It's like you bought it for, like, $6,,500 and we'll give you $65 for this thing. What's the phrase? If it flies, dries, floats, or fucks, rent, don't lease? Yep. Diamond rings. Diamond rings and coffins. If you bury it, you put it on your ring, you fly it, you float it, fucking rent it.

Don't buy it i mean that has got to be an all-time like you know that's almost that's not that's borderline craigslist furniture you don't have to pay me you just have to come get it yeah you know just get this coffin off my property fucking care yeah you call up what's his name? Call up fucking... Breckenmeyer. Call up Breckenmeyer. Call up Breckenmeyer and be like... We got a new bed for you, bro.

Bud, got a bed. Got a bed. That's the weird... That's low-key the weirdest story that we've ever... You're just like, yeah, man, I slept in coffins. Fucked in coffins. Yeah, like, you need to be locked away. What do you mean you fucked in high school?

You said you slept in a coffin in high school. I did, though. It's my bed and where I fuck. All right. Time for our interview. Big interview. We got Max Greenfield on, a.k.a. Schmidt from Uber.

I was so excited for this interview. It's not just a TV thing. It's a podfather's thing. He's a great dad. He's a funny dude. We talk about romance. We talk about kids. We touched them all in this interview.

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out for $10 off any order of $20 or more. That's Caviar, promo code KFC. Harry! Oh, look at you. Look at that stash. That's a nice stash you got there. I really Caviar. Promo code KFC. Harry! Oh, look at you. Look at that stash. That's a nice stash you got there. I really appreciate that. Thank you so much. We've been interviewing a lot of people in quarantine

and I've had the better stash out of most. And not you. You've got some stuff going down here, too. You not grow above there? What's that? Do you not grow above there or is that groomed not at all nothing yeah he gets he gets like patches and it just looks like it's a disaster yeah so that's a beard for you well what he what he was doing for a while was curling it and he

became like a cartoon villain almost you know and that was a thing but this is you've got a whole a whole look to you going on i feel like you're kind of like a hipstery mixologist brooklyn bartender type of like tough i like it oh please what i'm really going for if i do this it's like an 80s baseball yeah that's even better yeah yeah i like that it's like a Ron Guidry. I don't know who that is, but I laughed at you. Ron Guidry is spot on. That's a great one.

I like that look. I think to the novice, it's a Don Mattingly look. There you go. All right. Is Guidry a Yankee? Oh, yeah. Okay, so fuck him. Unbelievable.

Unbelievable baseball cards. Some tops, close-ups that are just, this is flaring out. I just took a shower, so it's a little wet. But when it's dry, it really gets them. Yeah. When quarantine first started and you were teaching your daughter, you were helping teach her with the Zoom classes. Yeah. You were looking cool as hell like you looked really you had the you had the beanie on i remember

in one of them and i was cold what's that oh i was just like look at that's like fuck max looks awesome here max i originally started just growing the beard and then everybody was like don't touch your face and it was getting itchy yeah it's not easy it's not you gotta push through that yeah this feels like uh it's not good for my health like this my beard might kill me so i i shaved it and then i was like well i shouldn't shave the whole thing and now i have a mustache and then i left the mustache and my wife and kids hated it and which made me like it even more yeah then you double down on it then it's then it's thin kids yep do you have any like about the

mustache obviously Nick did not like the mustache in in New Girl do you do you does it make you think of that at all well Jake and I are still really close and we talk often. And I just hosted a online comic con panel for his new show Hoops, which is going to be on Netflix. It's really funny. But I moderated the thing. And so we all got onto the onto the Zoom and he just gave me shit for the whole half hour about my mustache that was the most the least believable part of new girl i was like the stash looked great on him there's no way anyone would dislike this and he he did not care for it i think um network television was not ready for a stash like i think they had a select on blue bloods and then that was that was all the room they had that was the scene when you're putting in your mustache the suntan

lotion that was like all right i see what they're doing they're trying to make me think it's bad because it's it's great and they're just trying to make it look gross that was tough to see and now when i put it, when I wax it up, there's still a little white in it. That's all I think about. Oh, you really do have a little bit of twirl. Oh, I can, yo, I can get it going next. Like, look at that. He looks like, we've been saying,

the bad guy from Frosty the Snowman. The cartoon who's trying to get Frosty to melt. He's got this evil, twisted up mustache and he's leaning into it. I thought about going in that direction in the beginning and he's leaning into it i thought about going in that direction in the beginning and then i go well this is going to be too much work and then it was growing too much this way and i was like swallowing some of it and i was like this is happening i don't know how to i don't know how to like groom this properly to get to the place

where i can do this so i'm just gonna like dude i go with straight up scissors i just have scissors that i'm terrified i'm gonna cut my lip open go with straight up scissors i just have scissors that i'm terrified i'm gonna cut my lip open with why you put scissors that close to your mouth i don't i don't understand look you put trimmers close to like more important things in your mouth that's true and you just kind of you just kind of go with it you can make it work unbelievable the risk we take as men it's really hard hard out here, you know? Being a male in this world, it's just tough, you know? You have to put clippers

and scissors. I'm a little annoyed with you, to be perfectly honest. You set the bar way too goddamn high for parenting during quarantine. It was just, it was a fatherhood tour de force that you were putting on with your daughter, who is wildly talented, by the way.

She she's a special one, man. You got you got a you got one on your hands. I think it's going to go on to big things. But I mean, everyone else is just like drowning and trying to stay alive and like not kill their kids. And here you are with this funny, great series where you're a good dad and everyone loves it you're a real son of a bitch well think of it like this you know how on uh sports center they only show the highlights okay all right that makes me feel a little better all right i like how you didn't say anything after that you're just like we know what i'm saying those videos are 40 seconds our homeschooling sessions were about five or six hours. Yeah. I mean, it really was a wild time though. Like for people who, who, who work and,

and their childcare was not on the table anymore. And it was just like, I don't know, figure it out. You got to do all of it. Now. Uh, there's a lot of people who are really not, I mean, most of us are not prepared or ready to do that. And I mean everybody just had to kind of figure out how to make ends meet really. Yeah, totally, and especially if you have multiple kids. Like I was lucky in that we have a son, but we just let him – he just – we let him off to do whatever. It honestly sounds like you have like two puppies and like one lives inside and one's an outside dog. We just let him roam, whatever. Well, my son is almost five and my wife and I just got – we're very clear.

Look, there's going to be some real damage to him, but he's young enough that later on we can fix that. There's time to sort of. Lily, who's 10 and in fourth grade, I's like all right well this is a transition year into fifth grade where the work is yours and there's not a lot of time to catch up right and you know lily god bless her she's what a performer she is um and math are not exactly um you know uh there's like a really beautiful school down the street. Like I literally write you could walk to the school from our house. It's this beautiful private school. And it's like it's known for being extraordinarily academic. And and Lily knows. And we all talk about it.

You're like, see that school? Get a good look. As close as you can. That's it. There's a theater school down the street. That one's great. This one. Ain't happening. Get a good look is unbelievable.

Take a picture, babe. That's as close as you're ever going to get. Yeah, and she'll be like, why? I go, do you want to do three and a half hours of homework? And she's like, no, get me to any other school. That's like my dad went to Boston College, and I always wanted to go there when I was a kid. Yeah.

And we'd go to football games and stuff like that. And by the time I hit, like, middle school, he was like, enjoy these games. You're not going to be in the student section dude so did you i got waitlisted oh all right no not totally denied all right good man uh so you got this the dad's mission which is kind of like putting this all together and teaching people you know how to get through parenthood and fatherhood. Yeah. Um, the guys who created, uh, the initial product with the, that we're launching this dad's energy drink, which is great, um, had come to me and, and sort of pitched me this idea and really early on. And I was like, this totally lines up with everything I'm trying to do and everything that you guys are trying to do. And it feels really organic.

And so, yeah, what we're trying to do is create the first dad-centric, dad-based product line. And so much of our mission is to just create a community that supports dads and supports their involvement with their kids and kind of just like gives all of us a place and, and, and a say and, and support and just like getting through this. And this time specifically, I mean, that's really all I'm looking for. It's funny how, how much of a lack there really is. Like when I, when I was first having kids, uh, as I was like preparing to be a dad,

I got two, I have a four, a four-year-old daughter and an almost three-year-old son. Oh, amazing. Um, and I remember reading this book and no, no shade to the author, but it was called dude, you're going to be a a dad and it was like this is dad for guys like dad for bros and like we're gonna teach you and i opened it up and it was like the least relatable and like just generic book ever so i started a a series of podcasts here called the pod fathers which was like all the guys at barstool who all had who all had kids at that point there was only three of us now there's few more. And we were the ones who were doing episodes that were like, dude, you should have seen last night.

It was a shit show. I didn't know what I was doing. And, you know, like the real deal, because I think sometimes people are a little afraid to say, like how hard it is or how in over their head they are or whatever. And I think it's important to like be honest about it. Like it's awesome and it's rewarding, but at times it's fucking hard and it's crazy and you know being honest about it and and presenting

it in a way that guys like you me and everyone else can understand I think is so important yeah and I think like we were doing an interview the other day it was and and they're like so what kind of advice can you give us about being a dad uh And I go, I wish someone would give me some advice. I have no idea. And I think that's why what we're doing is hopefully or feels important to me because it's just a support thing. It really is.

We're just doing the best we can. I can't tell you how many times I've looked at my kids and be like, I'm doing the best I can. I don't know. And the women, moms have that motherly intuition. Their infants are stronger. Yeah, they just know and it's inherent. And they also are just like smarter and work harder.

And like everything about being a woman is better towards like taking care of kids. I've never seen my wife do this. No, no, no. No. Yep, 100%. They just, they don't get frazzled. They don't, they, like, their gut usually tells them the right thing. I don't know. My gut tells me, like, you're having cookies for dinner

tonight. I don't fucking know. I'm just making it up as we go. Oh, my God. A lot of times that I'm, like, we'll stand in the kitchen and my daughter will come in and be like, hey, Dad, can I have this? And I'll go, yeah, sure. And my wife will go, what the fuck? What can i have this and i'll go yeah sure fuck what no can i ask you both then yeah can i ask you both a question why why i have kids yeah like sell sell me on it i can't like i everybody's always like i don't like it's hard

it's awful and like i would i'm trying to budget i'm trying to figure out what my budget could be if i move into a nicer apartment i don't even and it's hard for me it's really hard i don't know what i would do if like it's like oh by the way you have another human you have to care for are you married no let's start there man Start there, man. We got a long way to go. You get married, you get convinced. I'm not like pitching you to go to like, you know, I think you should just go to Foot Locker today and pick up the New Jordans. I would do that. That would be an easy pitch.

It is a hard thing though. Well, I don't know. I find that I don't often pick up the phone and call my buddies or tell a story on the podcast when it's like a good one I'm rarely ever like I had a really like sweet moment with my kids last night where we connected and it was fun because I find the funnier stories and the better stories to be like when shit's going off the rails so they always hear like the horrible things from me but I thought what you did with Lily was great where it was like this is some really touching stuff like this is you're seeing the good side of it and yeah maybe it's at times it's funny or difficult or you're like frazzled but for the most part it was like

this is the good the good side of it yeah i mean what we were trying to do is like we would take a moment from well initially it started like i wasn't one of these people I was like, this feels like what social media should be about, where you are isolated and alone and you have the ability to reach out to people through the internet and just be like, Hey man, so this is happening. This is fucking weird. And I'm real scared. Let's see how this goes. And then we got a huge reaction to it. Um, and we were like, we should keep doing, we should keep going.

And then it's sort of morphed into these videos where we would take like a funny moment that happened, um, you know, during our sessions and then film it in a way and she's she was so good at it um but they were all like based on these real moments and then we would throw it up and just hope that people would relate to it and they did overwhelmingly was there any trepidation about putting i know some parents are like i don't put my kid like you just said i'm not gonna put my kid on social media some people get like almost scared about it especially being famous and in the spotlight was there any concern about like putting her out there or was it all

yeah totally a little bit and then you know there was also a part of me like she's old enough to where she knows what instagram is and she knows she's like she loves TikTok and is on all this stuff and so she's gotta be the coolest kid at school right now right I mean what is school well not so yeah the coolest kid on the block I mean she's she's you know Instagram famous I think for like five minutes and then after that she was like no I don't care yeah beautiful the innocence is so perfect yeah she really like it does it every once in a while. Some of you are like, oh, my God, I love your videos. She's like, oh, yeah, those things. Is she old enough to, does she watch New Girl at all?

Has she, like, seen that, and does she understand? I tried to show her a little bit. It really is too inappropriate for her. But. One day, one day. You wanted to see a little bit it really is too inappropriate for her um but one day you wanted to see a little bit of it and then i think she was just like i don't know you need to teach her because max and i'm being dead serious about this i think it's in the pantheon of of sitcoms i think i i don't even think it's a crazy thing to say anymore i think once it i feel like in the last three years maybe it's become like a massive massive thing and i think it's up there with like the it's with the office parks and rec i so like when i go to

bed i put on a show and i close my eyes and i kind of like you know watch it and the four shows i do it with are sunny the office parks and Parks and Rec, and New Girl. That's company right there. Yeah, I mean, there's definitely, we had a really interesting shift. We were one of the first, I think we were one of the first shows on Netflix. And then we just sat there for a while and people started like going, oh, okay, okay, okay. And now it lives there.

And it's so funny because now I'm on the show The Neighborhood, which has been an incredible experience and I love. But you can totally tell the difference between somebody who's approaching you and is a fan of The Neighborhood and somebody who's a fan of New Girl. And the people who come up to you who love New Girl have this, like their eyes are like this, and it feels like they just binged it that weekend and they'll be like

we just love it and I'm like I don't even have to ask what show Josh Gad, we had Josh Gad on the other day and I was asking him about Bearclaw and he was like, dude I get recognized in the street more as Bear bear claw than anything else in the world he's like I did two episodes like I don't know if it was whatever it was I was on that show for like 40 minutes

total as in like acting time not even screen time and he's like people were watching the street and like oh my god it's bear claw and that's the guy he's been book of mormon and like beauty and the beat like major things and it's and he remembers that the two roles the two minutes on on new girl it's crazy well it's great that's like what i think paul rudd would say that about when he was on friends oh really yeah i didn't know he was i'm not a friends guy that's why obviously i didn't have it in my pantheon i've never seen friends i don't dislike it i'm not i'm not you think it's weird that people on the internet are like, if they haven't seen a show, they're like, it's the worst.

Kind of like me and Kevin with The Wire. The Wire, it's not that I haven't seen it, it's that I watched it and I don't like it, which I know is blasphemy to say. I think it's weird when people haven't watched it at all and say that it's bad, then how could you possibly know? But yeah, I've watched it

and I don't like it. I'm done apologizing for it, Max. I'm done apologizing. I don't know that I ever got – The Wire is one of those shows where I'm like, one day. Yeah. Well, that's also hard too. It's old enough now that it's like I'll get to it after I binge the new this and the new true crime and the new documentary and then you never really get what are you watching right now what do you watch well I have a real issue where um and this goes back to uh parenting where it's so all in at all times all day where I'll get to the, like my wife and I were like getting everybody down.

And then it's around, you know, nine o'clock where my daughter's going to bed. I'm like just settling into bed. My wife gets into bed. The dog gets into bed and we're like, let's watch something. Here we go. And no matter what, and this is not like a knock on any show that we've tried, within five minutes, I'm out. Yep.

Yep. I'm going to sleep at 9.15. What? What are you, Tom Brady? Dude, I said 9.15. I understand. 9.15 when you just ran around and put kids to bed might as well be 4 in the morning. Look, you're making a watch Knives Out 12 times.

Max Greenville has spent $200 on Knives Out. For real. I'm like, they keep telling me this is a good movie. And at some point I'm like, I want to see what happens at the end because it's a mystery. But at the same time, I'm like like i can't fucking stay it's everyone's it's just so much talking and then it's great tomorrow morning when you wake up you should start it because it's unbelievable it's like everybody keeps telling me i keep falling i went to see it in theaters twice i like i don't go to the movies a lot i saw that in theaters two

times it is a good one you won't regret it i got a question for you who do you think are the best bromances of all time for tv because i think nick and schmidt are one is there anyone you think that's close uh give me some other ones and i'll and i'll tell you i it's not something i think about daily. Neither do me. I was also thinking about... I couldn't think of a clue. I love the Sunny. You know, now that you bring it up,

the Sunny guys are great. But they're not bromance. They're all frenemies, which, by the way, I hate the word bromances. I think it's stupid. Just tell your friends you love them. I understand what you're saying.

And then I hope that... Well, the fights you haven't seen is but Joey and Chandler popped up from Friends. Troy and Avid from Community. Oh, that's a good one. JD and Turk from Scrubs. Another great one.

This is a little reality. What about Riggins? Not Riggins and Thurston. Riggins and Street. Yeah, that's a good one. Sean and Gus from Psych. I know you're a big Psych guy. Oh, another great one. I feel pretty strong about our chances in that group.

Yeah. I mean, maybe Michael and Dwight have kind of a funny one from the office. No, that's not a bromance. That's a fucking power relationship. I don't know. It's Nick and Schmidt are the fucking, like, two most realistic, closest, like, actual friendship I've ever seen portrayed in my life. The list I just ran through is 15 bromances, and, I mean, not one of them sniffed you guys.

So if you put us – The only thing I'd say is if you put us together now, it's almost worse than it – in real life, it's almost worse than it in real life. It's almost worse than it is or was on the show. Really? In what sense? We've gotten dumber and older and almost, like, maintained a little bit of our character and relationship from the show. It's the weirdest relationship. I mean, you guys are character and relationship from the show. It's the weirdest relationship.

I mean, you guys are absolute morons on the show. So if you're dumber now. No, Schmitt's not. Nick is. Nick is. Nick is an absolute fella. Dumber in real life. So what is the dad's product line exactly?

Like what can we get? We're starting off. The idea is to is to really build it out but we're we started off with this energy drink it's all it's all plant-based it's like a healthy alternative to you know i don't want to name any other products but like you know these alternate these uh these energy drinks where you dump it in some water and it's like a great alternative to coffee or whatever you're doing. I've been having them every afternoon.

They're great. Honestly, replacing the coffee would be huge for me. I'm not a coffee guy. And when I had kids, everyone was like, you're going to have to be a coffee dude because you just need it. And I was like, I really don't want to. I don't like it and I don't want to like choke it down. So if you're anything like me, this would be perfect for you. Yeah, I know a lot of dudes who have it first thing in the morning, and it's great.

It's like I don't have to do the cocaine anymore. I can just skip that. I did coffee the other day, and it was worse. I did coffee the other day. I don't think you did coffee. I was doing some coffee. That's true. I'm not a coffee guy.

I had coffee, and I don't understand how people drink it. I was up for like 36 hours, something like that. When I was trying to sleep, I closed my eyes and I could feel my eyes darting around like in my head. I was like, I can't go to bed right now. It was 3.30 in the morning. I couldn't fall asleep. People who drink coffee are nuts to me. Nuts.

Before we let you go, Max, I have a few quick questions. Shoot. One, do you know how to play true american i see that wine back there uh i do not um is there is there a way to play true american because it went viral the other day recently on tiktok it was like here are the rules i think there is a way to play it um because so many i apparently a bunch of people have played it. I'm not sure of those rules. Okay, so there's no way to play it.

Two, who should have Mick ended up with? Schmidt. Oh, good answer. I think it's Reagan, but Schmidt's a good answer as well. Three, did you know a broken penis was a thing before it happened to you? Is it a real thing? Oh, man. I was hoping you were gonna say that because

guess what we've interviewed dennis robin who broke his penis three times three times thrice thrice you think that's true oh i mean if you know the worm if you ever get a chance to talk dennis robin it's very true he said i mean i think of it as like one time is a crazy mishap two times you're just being straight up reckless three times you don't deserve to have a penis anymore you just get it taken away did he break it in in the line of duty in action he said he had a woman run across the room he sat down he was sitting down she ran and jumped and the idea was that he was going to go inside and it you know she did he did not land correctly and snapped it and blood and the idea was that he was going to go inside and it you know she did

he did not land correctly and snapped it and blood and the whole nine yeah I don't know if he got the cast like you did by the way that's one of my favorite scenes when you say friendship pure unadulterated friendship while you're getting scratched that's a

10 out of 10 scene I don't think i don't think uh uh dennis got the the cast the whole shebang well uh we thank you dude and the videos have been awesome they've honestly been as like inspirational as they are funny and i think the dad's uh line is coming from a guy himself who's like always looked for normal guy stuff for dads it's a great idea so be on the lookout for the uh the energy drink and uh obviously new girl is incredible in the neighborhood now so everything's great man thanks so much for coming by awesome thank you guys i appreciate it man

thank you very much max i've got some missions that nobody can see and all of these emotions are pouring out of me I bring them to the life of you It's only life This is the soundtrack to my life The soundtrack to my life To my life To my life To my life

To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life.