KFC Radio - Mean Girls x KFC Radio: Dating and Marriage Debates || Nimesh Patel

Episode Date: August 4, 2022

We sit down with the Mean Girl, Alex Bennett & Jordyn Woodruff, to talk about everything relationships and more - ex's that get with the guy/girl you were always worried about - Do you believe in types? - the 3 6's rule - What is a good age to get married? Are you getting married to early? - do girls overuse the term gaslighting or are guys actually just gaslighting? - Video Voicemails for the Mean Girls - AITA - gold digger - sending bf a pic of bloody underwear ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 0:00 - The girl/guy they tell you not to worry about 11:02 - The 3 6's rule 17:05 - Most attractive when you stop looking for someone 21:33 - What is a good age to get married? 28:41 - Gaslighting / Fighting with partner 47:39 - Video Voicemails for Mean Girls 1:02:50 - AITA 1:39:10 - Nimesh Patel Interview ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ FFUPs: Go to https://barstool.link/ffupsKFC and use code KFC15 for 15% off Mugsy Jeans: Use code KFC for 10% off your order at https://barstool.link/MugsyYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. You can be my guy friend, you can be my girlfriend, and you go, Yo, I need some underpants. I'll hook you up. That's a fact. I figured some shit went down, dude. All right. It's another edition of KFC Radio. Crossover edition with the Mean Girls pod.

Dun, dun, dun. Yeah. I'm excited. Thank you for having us. Yeah, this has been a little, like, a long time in the making because you guys

had a couple clips go viral. You got a lot of clips go viral now. We started using a lot of your stuff like three years ago. It got to the point

where I was like, it's only fair to have them on because we're using their clips and shit and trashing them. Yeah. So we got to have them on to defend themselves

but then it was like scheduling and all that and this shit so now finally here mean girls kfc radio um which i think when call her daddy started before they were you know mega stars people were asking for us to do a crossover with them um So this is kind of, I think, what people were looking for with that. But it was just Alex Cooper had no interest in us at all. We definitely were like, please invite us on. He's like, text him again. I'm like, it's sounding creepy.

You said 3.30. We were outside the door At 3.30 3.37 You're like come in We're like take a second To be fair I don't say

I was like this is a weird time I'm gonna just walk right in Standing out there I'm extremely anal Like You can't use that God damn word You can't say that

Yeah god God Jordan It just Doesn't When you say that You You can't say that. Yeah, God. I don't get that. God, Jordan. It just doesn't, when you say that, you're not thinking about anal sex? I'm type A. There you go. Type A. It's not even entering your mind.

I haven't heard, since like pornography got invented, I haven't heard someone just be like, I'm just so anal. I'm so anal. This is not a thing anymore. That is just a clip that will live forever on the internet now. She truly has like a G-rated brain like she just meant. Really? Like she thinks of anal and thinks I'm type A and it doesn't just...

No, it didn't... Us three were like, I think she said. You just haven't been corrupted yet. Oh, I mean, no. I don't have a G-rated brain. I don't even... I would not agree with that. But you didn't mean that with like a pun.

You made it type A. Because the community of type A people, we use that term frequently. Right. First of all, hold the community of type a people we use that term frequently right first of all first of all hold the phone for a second here were you like like even if you said type a i'd be like i don't know like was that blood but that's how type b i am but but he's like you're referring to type a community like you like oh there's no one at barcelona that's in that community by the way just me everyone else wait what is there. Wait, what is type A? Oh, God.

I mean, Alex might be able to explain it better. Organized, scheduled, timely. Have to know your plans. To a fault. Don't just go with the flow, right? You need to have a coordinated calendar, spreadsheets. All right, yeah, you're right. None of that.

Checking the boxes. I'm really trying to think, and I'm like, I got nothing. It's a hard life sometimes. It is. Well, I think both sides have their downfall. Yeah. Like sometimes I'm like, I'm just so like unorganized with my schedule and shit. And I'm like, I should make a calendar.

I should plan. I should like keep people in the loop and I don't. And then it always comes back to bite me because I'm like, well, now this is a bigger problem. And then I just fucking told you up front so it has it's bad bad traits but I also think I would go crazy if it was like because if it's not like that do you bug out

yes we're learning to work with each other how's that going do you guys hate each other yet because you will eventually we started hating each other so now we like each other did you really though yeah when you guys started you were other, so now we like each other. Oh, did you really though? Yeah. When you guys started, you were not cool?

Well, the first, like we just were like, I don't, we just never, we were kind of in like a group. Because now I've seen you guys at each other's birthdays and events and shit like that. Oh, we're very close now, but I mean, when I met Alex,

I was like, I don't really need to be friends with her. Also, I found out she's married and I didn't want to be married. What the fuck is this? Ricochet shot. I know. That was a ricochet. That was a cannonball to be married. What the fuck is this? Ricochet shot. I know. That wasn't a ricochet.

That was a cannonball to the chest. No. I found out she was married, and I was like, I don't want a married friend. Boring. It's like, in Minnesota, it's like, if you're married, you're equal born. That's all across the whole world. Yeah, yeah. But she's not at all.

She's a very funny person. I do forget that you're married sometimes. Except for that it's always, Graham. And then Graham said this And Graham said that I love Graham So we get it You're married bitch Shut up

Yeah I know It's bad But then And then What happened I guess So you guys like fell into this Because of that whole like By the way

Oh boy I brought it up on my last episode Have you Guys ever heard of Celebrity memoir book club Yes Yes Did you

Have you listened to the episode they did on danielle bernstein she saw a clip i saw the clip of it so i listened to the whole thing the other day on a drive i listened to their whole podcast breaking down the book it is so funny that dave that this mean girls pod is born out of talking about the biggest mean girl like it's unbelievably ironic that it's the one person who like everybody hates on the internet because she's shitty but you guys got the mean girl tag and it worked out fine it's all good it's a good name it was great for business and shit like this is all good it's like no such thing as bad publicity blah blah but the fact that it was

danielle bernstein that it's like hilarious i, they eradicated her book. Like they went like chapter by chapter, like excerpt by excerpt, just being like, this is written for 12-year-old girls who wanted like fetishize the New York City life. I didn't know she was an author. Yeah, she wrote a memoir. Oh. She's 20, whatever. All of it was about like her experience at the age of like 19. That's dealing from companies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All that. It was like an unbelievable amount of name dropping and like clout it's it's exactly what you think it would be but like the girls so these two girls uh like read memoirs and like review them but they were like it's exactly what you would think it would be but it's it's unbelievable that she thought like to publish this to be like yeah let's do this oh really yeah because it's not like it's not at all you know self-aware it's like yeah like life in the big city like blah blah blah i think we kind of saying you feel vindicated yes right okay i don't know i don't think i don't see anything that she posts people are like did you see this i'm like i can't i'm blocked on every

account i don't know there was there was talk about that there was actually one of the girls said i she had i was, I never heard of her. When I first heard of her, I had never heard of her up until then. And I went to Instagram and I looked at it and I was already blocked. And I didn't know who she was, never had any interaction, blah, blah, blah. And she was like, sometimes you just have a gut feeling, like woman's intuition. My ex cheated on me with this girl. Like that could be the only, like the only, she was like, I just feel it in my bones.

And this girl like blocked me. And that was just, I just feel it in my bones, and this girl blocked me. And that was just... I mean, that's pure speculation. That's what she said. I don't know. But she was already blocked her with no reason for it at all. So she's a blocker.

Who cheated on who? She was just saying the only reason that I would be blocked by Daniel Bernstein would be if my ex fucked with her. That's crazy to me to have your mind go there. I was just checking if I was blocked. I'm not. I know. I'm not her. blocked I'm not I don't know if you stumble upon

a blocked account where you're blocked you're like my ex fucked this person well that's why I thought to myself first of all she was like

this is some women's intuition shit I was like okay maybe this is also like your ex was probably a dog if your first reaction is like

my ex fucked you women's intuition shit ladies that's fake is like, my ex fucked you, it's... Women's intuition shit, ladies... That's fake. ...is the fakest stuff. You're all so dumb. No, it's just having a fucking brain. Like, all right, if your first thought was, my ex fucked this chick,

it's because your ex hung out with her all the time. It's not like... If it was a random person you'd never heard of ever, you wouldn't be like, my ex fucked this girl. That's what this girl did, though. No, I think... Yeah, but that's not normal's not like if it was a random person you've never heard of ever you wouldn't be like my ex fucked this girl That's what this girl did though. No, I think but but like but that's not that's wrong If you think your ex fucked the girl, it's because you have a wandering eye Don't you think it's like more about you? A lot of people say that like if you think you're at your your spouse is cheating

It's because like you're a cheater or you're a want. I don't I don't think that's true. You don't think so I think I think it's like nowadays you see signs. It's like you're not interested in me You're always on your phone. You're doing this you're doing that. or you're a whore. I don't think that's true. You don't think so? I think it's like nowadays you see signs. It's like you're not interested in me. You're always on your phone. You're doing this. You're doing that. You know what I mean? Oh, it's like true.

I mean, it can be true, I'm sure. But I don't think it's like that's a guarantee. Like that means that. I do think the intuition thing, mine's always wrong. Like every time I have, sometimes when my intuition comes up, I'll be like, what's the opposite? I think that very, very often in a relationship, relationship there's always and it probably goes both ways but it's usually with girls where it's like the girlfriend always knows the one girl that they are they don't like and that they're like on edge about and you're in

the boyfriends always like you have nothing to worry about babe and then you break up and he fucks her instantly and that girls usually do have that but that's not because of some intuition. It's because it's the hot chick that you used to hang out with a lot or something. You're worried about her for a reason. It's not because you're a witch that knows everything. I knew it was going to be her. No fucking shit.

Of course. I also don't think that's... I think that's almost a testament if you're in a relationship and it's like, I am attracted to that girl and we could have sex and i'm not because i'm in the relationship with you it's like that's a good thing totally yeah yeah i wouldn't want to hear that no no i think if it's like oh you fucked her as soon as we broke up that means like all along i knew you like had a thing for it's like i mean just because you get in a relationship with someone

doesn't mean you're not going to be attracted to other people or be thinking like if I was single I would hook up with them or whatever It's about whether or not you act on it and do it So if you're like I love you, so I'm just I'm not doing that, but then we break up and I go do that It's it's not a great thing. It's not doesn't feel good, but I don't necessarily think it's like a scummy move But girls do always think that they're always like they oh anybody Yeah, and anybody you fuck after which is also fair though because like i mean who's your dad's best girlfriend my dad doesn't have any you don't fucking have one she don't exist

any girlfriend yeah i got the best like my mom's friend yeah yeah exactly my dad's any girlfriend? Yeah. Forget about best. My mom's friend. Yeah, exactly. My dad's so faithful, he introduces himself to every woman. You're not allowed to have girlfriends. That's it. Only your friends. Every time my dad meets a woman, it doesn't matter if it's his 50th time meeting her, hi, I'm John. Yeah, no, there's no platonic friendships that exist anymore.

We're going to be talking about that. This is our episode. We're talking about that tomorrow. that. This is our episode tomorrow. Oh, are you? Can you text somebody? Do you feel weird? You can, and your girlfriend will hate her and be mad at you for it. Were you just about to say, oh, you already planned what you're going to talk about tomorrow?

Are we going to talk about that? Oh, no, we are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, oh, yeah. No, we were going to take what we talked about on here and write it down. Don't let that get on it. Take your listeners to us I think

very like a vast majority of girls will not like that do you believe in types like do you think

if one of you has a girlfriend and then the other one you're worried about do you think they look alike most of the time like if blondes are your thing

like it's always like the friend looks like the blonde I mean I definitely have a type and I've had like a few in a row that there's definitely a trend. But it's also, like, I wouldn't not hook up or date with girls.

Yeah, I'm kind of the same way. I have most of the girls I date are, like, short brunettes. Okay, that's what I'm saying. It's not something I actively, like, go into. I'm like, if she's not a short brunette, I'm not talking to her. It's just kind of, I don't know what's going to happen. But I do think it probably makes sense that the people you end up, like, being in a relationship or seeing more consistently are more your type because you'd be more willing to be in a relationship with them.

My type is, like, someone who hates me. Like, someone who's, like, kind of mean looking and will probably be mean to me. And, like, I'm like, that's my... I've said it. That's like, that's actually my type light. That's my type that I have access to. My type is like really mean looking, covered in tattoos, like might beat me up, but they would show no interest in me.

So then I have to go step down. Like, like, yeah, like, like type, type light is what I go for. I feel like girls don't have type three. I feel like guys do. Like, do you feel like you, you had a type? I do. I think so. Definitely. I feel like girls Don't have type 3 I feel like guys do Like do you feel like You had a type I do I think so definitely I feel like girls have

What is it They have their type The three S's Yeah That's my type Kevin's been holding His breath this whole episode Six figures

That up sucks I mean there are Probably you know There's probably more girls Than not No You think there's more girls than not

that do subscribe to that on this island yes I was gonna say here probably maybe not elsewhere so the 666 6 rules oh I feel like

that's crazy bro I have never yeah they wouldn't say it all out I have never once even thought about another the girl's job

oh wage gap was it wage gap why would you yeah me neither cause I've been picking up the tab every fucking time oh I've thought about her job she's unemployed that like that's more like it

I want and we're talking about like dating like if we're just Like hooking up I don't care if you are Homeless Like I don't give a shit What your fucking job is But if we're like dating

I would want someone Who's like motivated And like goes to work I don't want you to be like A bum sitting around all day And then that kind of Leaks into your personality And that kind of shit

But like I don't care If you are a CEO Or a teacher If you make fucking 20 grand 220 grand If you're a teacher I know you got a CEO or a teacher if you make fucking 20 grand 220 grand if you're a teacher I know you got a

sordid past teachers sluts if you're a teacher you are a fucking teacher's a bunch of drunks yeah man

wait what would be the guy's version of a 666 they're like you don't care we don't want it we did this we did this on stage we did it live

because it's a little yeah it's very the whole thing is very tongue in cheek. So it was like, what did we say? We were like. I think your father has to be dead. Yeah.

Dead father. It was like dead father, deep throat, and like down brain. Zero daddy issues. Wait, what was it? It was zero gag reflex, zero dad, zero. X's or no. Yeah, zero X's. There was another zero. No, it wasn't X's. It kind of came out as like the three zeros. Zero. X's or no. Yeah, zero. There was another zero. It wasn't X's.

It kind of came out as like the three zeros. Zero, zero, zero. It was probably like zero ambition. Something like that. Zero dad. Zero. You're going to tie yourself to this fucking anchor. You better be willing to drown, baby.

We should go get the clip for that. Because we were going to do it on the show. And I was like, this is going to cause problems. So at the live show, we do all the stuff we can't do on the air. But yeah, that was the first thing that... But I mean, you guys are doing a very good job of that. Even if a lot of it is like

trashy shit that you don't subscribe to. I'm sure people like think that. What are you talking about? Of course I do. We do walk around looking for that. It's working. It's a good... You got to bring your W2 on a first date with Jordan. First question I ask. So.

I once had two of my, like, good friends. I went through, when I first moved out of college, I guess, after college, lived at home, then moved out on my own. I lived with just meatheads, like, good friends of mine, but, like, gym meatheads, money meatheads, girl meatheads. And they would, like, regularly get into, like, full-blown fights like in the apartment like full fights i was like this is fucking i gotta get out of here brawls yes oh my god i was like i gotta go find some like beta males and i did i went and then i'll start living with the gayest guys in america but i'll never

forget one fight um we were like separating the two and the one guy who made more money than the other guy was like show me your w-2 and then that made that other guy like rush at him again i was like oh my god you mean it no we we were talking about this the other day like these guys that you would meet and they'd be like so i and they'll just like kind of tell you their salary or their job and we're like this is such a new york thing too right could you just they'll just kind of tell you their salary or their job. Well, this is such a New York thing, too. They'll hit you with their salary on a date? No, but like I would. They let you know, like, I work at Goldman Sachs, and I'm working a lot of hours. I was just in Boston, and this guy was like, yeah, I live in a four-bedroom apartment, five bathrooms.

And I was like, I don't care. Why? That's just an unnecessary amount of bathrooms. You have three roommates. You live in a four-bedroom apartment. You better have three roommates for kids. That's a good question. Did you ask if he had roommates? No, he does. He has three roommates. You live in a four bedroom apartment. You better have three roommates for kids. Did you ask if he had roommates? No, he does. He has four roommates.

Oh, what are we bragging about? I mean, that's crazy. Five bathrooms though. Wait, wait, wait. I split my rent four ways. Dude came up and bragged I have the proper number of bedrooms in my home for its inhabitants. Yes, no one is sharing the

bedroom but an extra bathroom to like tell you their salary without telling you their salary like where they work how many bathrooms they have you know the guy that wore the sweatshirts and like the rolex and kept being like yes we got it yes or like i i mean i tell him bailey carlin had a rolex chill if bailey car had something, you know it's not a video, bro. Shout out to Bailey. The dating pool is horrible. I don't know if it's like I'm a little older. I never did the dating apps.

Even once I was single again and they were out, like I never did it. So I think dating apps are the worst thing to happen to society aside from like social media and the internet. It's your job. Yes, absolutely. Our job. We say all the time that people are going to look back and be like, can you believe that humans used to be on social media apps 24-7? They were ruining their brains and they didn't even know it. It's going to be like cigarettes.

It's going to be like we had to control it. The whole nine. But a subset of that, I think, is the dating apps where I do not think it's normal to go on like five dates a week like bam bam bam bam bam look look look look i'm trying to find somebody trying to find somebody on the have sex like i think that is crazy and i don't know how anybody does it because it used to be like you would like hopefully go out and maybe hook up and then hopefully find someone you like and there was a chase and you would strike out a lot and it would be at least

for me it would be like a couple times like every couple months and it was like chase and you would strike out a lot and it would be, at least for me, it would be like a couple times every couple months and it was like a special thing almost. And now it's like I know people who are like, I have an afternoon date and an evening date and it's like and you're going to hate all of them because chances are you hate all of them.

Some people do it to survive, like to eat. That I actually kind of respect. I eat well every night because that's kind of cool but like it's it's like everything else in life and i see it with every i i've seen it with when i was this age when i was like late 20s early 30s and now i see it and you'll go through it too like when when you're when girls are getting obsessed with finding a husband or even a boyfriend they never you'll never find it's not the time it's when you stop caring truly and not just saying it and then you're just yourself and then that's attractive and then you'll find it but but girls just won't listen to that and they will just try try try try try try

try and that becomes the most unattractive thing in the world i mean i've stopped caring for a long time and i still haven't found anything. You're in the no care. We're in the no care mode. I'm not saying it's going to happen instantly, but I bet you it'll happen when you're not really forcing it. Can guys sense that?

Can guys sense when a girl's not caring? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I feel like it's very obvious when you're desperately looking for a boy. No, I'm not exactly the signal catcher, so I'm not really the guy to ask. You are. Passballs left and right.

There is – I've never – I honestly don't know. I don't care so little that I can't tell if anyone doesn't care. I can tell as a friend. I can tell desperation. You can tell desperation. I can tell as a friend. Like there were girls in my friend circle that I wasn't hooking up with. So maybe if I was dating you or hooking up with you, I'd be blinded to it.

But I was watching them operate and dating the wrong guys and chasing the wrong guys and fretting all the time over like this. Did he say this? And what did he mean? And I was like, shut up. You guys are being so lame. We don't like you when you're like this you know what i mean right and and then when they stopped they you know eventually found somebody

it was all good but i feel like that age range is when you like force it like crazy and it's like anything else in life you're forcing it it's not gonna work i i i can tell you don't agree with me no i i am so i could care less about finding someone. Yeah, but I'm saying that hasn't brought me anyone in my life. You know what I mean? Yet. No, I agree completely. How old are you?

27. 27. Yeah, you're still fine. That's another thing, too. I think we need to move back. I don't think my new thing is I don't think you should be allowed to even be in a serious relationship until you're past 25. Yeah, I like that. I like that too.

It's fucking, I know it's more funny when you're really young. I think it's hilarious when someone's like 17. My best friend, he was dating a girl, I think they were like 16 and 15 or something like that. And the girl's parents had, they need to step in and be like, you guys are spending too much time with each other you need to like practice sports and

do all the regular good shit and my friend told her father like it's just because we're in love and you don't you don't know love you you and your wife like what yeah like you're i guess i don't know maybe it was obvious that their marriage wasn't great or whatever but he was like your love is not like our love and you're just jealous. And I was like, first of all, I would murder you on the spot. I would break your neck. Second of all, like, it's just ridiculous that you would ever think to say that. And third of all, I think it's insane that you're that young and you're talking about

love and relationships. And I think that goes from 15 to like 25. Yeah. Being single in your 20s is extremely important. Yes. Especially lower. Yeah, before 25. I love that actually.

Yeah, 25 is good. Yeah, I think that's really important. And then I don't think at 25 you should be like, okay, now it's time to get married. It's like. Yeah, Alex. It's nuts. When did you get married?

25. So dumb. How old was he? 25. You guys are so dumb. You're from. You're from. I'm from the Midwest.

We both are. That's where. But we talk about timelines all the time. Oklahoma's the Midwest? I'm Southern. Sorry. Sorry, y'all. Sorry, y'all.

But also, you guys are not like, it was not typical Oklahoma, Southern, Midwest life, right? No, we lived in LA. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We were like. We're just dumb. We're just actual idiots.

And we were like, we think we love each other. We'll just try it Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We were like, we're just dumb. We're just actual idiots and we were like, we think we love each other and we'll just try it. Going well so far. Yeah, I just, of course, like you love each other, whatever. I mean,

you can get married whenever you love each other, but it's like, it's just there's no need to really do it. Like just wait a little. Like you haven't, you haven't gone through

tough times yet. You haven't gone through, especially I think if you get married like right away, it's like you haven't gone through like a holiday yet or you haven't lived

together yet or you gotta do like everything together you know yeah crazy i also think you have to be able to make fun of it like if i was sitting here and i was like no marriage is the best and i think i'd be like you we have a problem with her yeah that's a problem i mean and obviously i'm like bitter and jaded from the other direction so it's like nobody knows what the fuck they're talking about but i see so many people doing it because of the timeline yeah like i didn't do it because of that but i did it because of that like i was just kind of like okay this works rather than making sure of everything like i think i think i was more kind of like this all works rather than being like i love this this is amazing when you first got married uh 29 i i got engaged in i got married in 14

so i was like engaged at 28 married at like 29 right before i turned 30 okay yeah pretty i think that's fine pretty timeline adjacent yeah but it wasn't like i i mean i was i was happy then and then it but it was i think i needed to be more like over the moon or whatever the fuck, you know what I mean? And there was also just like some red flags and shit I didn't like pay attention to that really came back to bite me. But I think there's just no reason to like rush it if you're. I couldn't agree more.

Yeah. Settling is the biggest fear. Yeah. Yeah. You're afraid of that. Yeah. I think settling is a weird word where it sounds a little derogatory in the sense. It's not like I'm settling for you, meaning like you're lesser than me and I will come down to this level and and be OK with it.

But just meaning like. Or it could mean that. It definitely could mean that. But like for me, for me, for me, it was like. I was like, I learned very quickly that like I wasn't my best at work if I was really focusing on the relationship. And I wasn't my best at the relationship when I was focusing on work and I was learning how to juggle all that.

And you are like, you're going to give up something. And I think until you really figure all that shit out, you shouldn't rush into something where you're signing away all your... Yeah, what are your life lessons on KFC? I got lessons for days or at least uh you know red flags for days um like the fact that we like sign like financial and like tangible shit gets determined by our most irrational and emotional like feelings that's crazy to me wait what like the fact that when you're you're when you're getting married or your relationship

it's your most irrational self right your head over heels what? Like the fact that when you're getting married or in a relationship, it's your most irrational self, right? Your head over heels in love or you're crazy or you're irrational, you know. And then you sign, you know, papers that link you financially and very tangibly and all that. So it's like you could have been blinded by some love. And then when that runs out, you're like, now you own half of my shit. You know, like that seems like we should fix that as a society. Yeah, this is a prenup should be mandatory segment.

That's scary though. You know what? Somebody, I want to say, I want to say Rosebud. One of the female comics we know said they think prenups are the most romantic. Oh, it was Taylor. Taylor Tomlinson said prenups are are the most romantic. Oh, it was Taylor. Taylor Tomlinson said prenups are actually the most romantic because it's saying, I can't wait to marry you, and I still don't trust you. That's how much I love you, but I still don't even trust you.

That is where it's actually romance. To get a prenup? Obviously, she's like. Oh, I was like, God. Are you anti-relationship i am no definitely not because i've always been a relationship guy like i've always had girlfriends i but i am uh cautiously like cautious about marriage okay like i think when i knew i did it i was like we live together it's basically like being married it's not like there's a lot of shit that changes when you're officially married and you're really, at least for me.

I guess all of this is very my experience and you can't apply it to everybody. But I'm definitely not anti-relationship. But I'm definitely like, don't. It's a very, I think it's a very weird thing that we do where it's like you got to pick one forever. It's like you don't do that with anything else in your life. It's scary. Where you work, where you live, where you where you you know like nothing else is one forever but so you'd never get married again no i wouldn't even say that i think but i would just it would

be like i what sucks is i think everything else in life you do and you try and you fail and you learn but not marriage you you you try and fail relationships and then you think you figured it all out but you haven't tried marriage yet. So it's almost like I wish you could try marriage and then fail and then be like, now I know how to do marriage right. You know what I mean? Then you end up that guy in Key West

who's talking about his fourth wife. That's awesome. You don't want to be the guy, I was always thinking like, you don't want to be the first guy out of your friends to get married and you don't want to be the last and you don't want to be the guy who's too anti-relations married and you don't want to be the last you don't want to be the guy who's too anti-relationship but you

don't want to be the guy who rushes into it it's all a very balancing act but until in or unless you just are like if you find someone who's fucking you are just so in love with but i think that's probably the rarity yeah yeah i would say so i would hope that happens one day but i don't know you watch your, like, like, rom-coms, and you listen to Taylor Swift,

and you think that, like, this is gonna be a thing, and it's probably gonna be much more. Yeah, that's probably why I poisoned Taylor. Fucking Taylor got me. Oh,

man. She ruined it for all of us. She does. She does. Nah, Taylor keeps me even, because she got the highs and the lows. Yeah,

that's for sure. She does her heartbreak a lot, actually. She breaks her own heart. It's like Can I talk about it again It's every fucking song Well at this point

She should know it's her right I don't mean that mean But if you were in That many relationships And had that many Yeah what's the common denominator It's gotta be If it's a Kennedy

And a pop star And a regular guy And they all fucking suck It's you I disagree with that No No I love her But it's gotta be, but it's got to be her.

Why does it have to be her? Because it's so many guys. Bro, I've been in a lot of bad relationships, too. Is it you? Oh, I blame myself 100%. I'm like, there must be something wrong with me. No, there is. Definitely.

I have enough situations where it just has to be me. I don't think I do anything, but it just absolutely has to be me. No, it's definitely you. Good self-awareness. That's good self-awareness. As long as you're aware, it makes you 50% better. So, all right. Speaking on awareness then, we just did the rundown.

It's not out yet, but Dave was wearing a shirt. It might be my favorite shirt of all time. I want to make it. I want to sell it. I don't know if we will, though. Fucking billboard says gaslighting is not real. You're just crazy. Thoughts.

Mean girl pod thoughts. Because y'all love to throw around the word gaslighting. If I can start a little bit. Term of the decade. I think girls get a bad rep on this because it's what everyone does to every word ever.

If a word gets popular enough, it gets bastardized and no longer means anything. However, the word du jour currently, it has been for like two years. Basically, I blame Trump. It started with Trump. You think so? I feel like it started with The Bachelor. I think no. All those girls are always like

he's gaslighting, he's gaslighting, he's gaslighting. I would venture, I've never seen The Bachelor. I would venture to guess they didn't start until after 2016. Because he was saying, I don't think I know, what does Trump say with gaslighting? Just like all the stuff he'd make up about Mexicans and like. Oh, they're saying that Trump gaslighted the country. Got it. Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He probably did that. I would guess, I would venture to guess. So it was started by a man, and then women ruined it. Like everything! All the fun gone as soon as girls show up. But the... I do think that kind of...

That word entered the zeitgeist through him. Now, I mean, like, I totally understand. Actual gaslighting is fucking psychotic and terrible and like sociopathic but it now has become like if you're in a fight and you say something if i say something you disagree with you're just like you're gaslighting me it's like that's not what this word means at all yeah it's definitely overused but i feel like a few years ago gaslighting narcissism yeah that's another one yeah all these are the Trump words. Yes. All of these are the Trump words. 100%. What's the, like, it's narcissistic personality disorder. Yeah, yeah.

That became a buzzword, too, where it's like, you're a narcissist. That I don't get. Which I am. Yeah. To be clear. For sure. When you're in a relationship, it's like, it's me and you. Yeah.

And you tell me to be honest about my feelings and shit. It's my feelings. You're going to be talking about yourself and how you, you know. So it's like it all is a little inherently narcissistic. Obviously, if you're never worrying about your partner, that's the problem. But it's like you're so narcissistic, you're just talking about what you think. It's like, well, what the fuck? Yeah, we're the only two people here.

I don't know what you think. When you throw the personality disorder and you make it clinical, that's when it gets weird. It's like, no, I don't have narcissistic personality disorder. It's when I walk by store windows, I look at myself in the fucking reflection. It's a different thing. I'm just a vain asshole. I don't have a fucking clinical problem. Yeah.

Yeah, I guess, maybe. You just haven't been diagnosed yet. What do you think about the shirt? What was it? Can you? It said gaslighting is not real. You're just crazy. You're just crazy.

You love gaslighting, don't you? You love to throw that term around. Not to do it. You love to tell people. You gaslighter. You love to tell people that they're gaslighting you, don't you? I call people narcissists a lot. All the time.

Isn't it narcissistic to be like, you're not thinking enough about me? But I've called myself narcissistic. Okay, well then you're good. As long as you have your own. You've come a really long way on the podcast. I have.

Well, that's another thing too. People as like podcast fans will be like, it's like, yeah, this job is to talk about my opinions. As long as you're aware. It's a little weird.

Like, it's a weird thing that we do. Like, of course, it's going to be a little self-centered. You'd be the worst podcaster ever if you're like, what do you guys a weird thing that we do. Like, of course, it's going to be a little self-centered. You'd be the worst podcaster ever. What do you guys think?

No one can respond. Right, right. But yeah, you, how many, yeah, you,

I can see. I can see. So many boys. Both of you are gaslighting. I know who signs the check, so I'm going to shut up, but. I know,

I'm like, oh. No, no, wait, no, I don't agree with that. I love the shirt.

Oh, okay. Yeah, no, I would, I like the shirt. I would wear the shirt. Jack Mack told us at the beginning we were talking about the word gaslighting

because it's what you two do to the internet every day. Yeah. I think it's funny. The shirt's funny. The shirt's ironic. It's also very, it's like just white shirt, black writing, very like a billboard. But forget about the t-shirt. What do you think about the notion that you're overusing gaslighting?

We're completely overusing gaslighting. Gaslighting started with the guy. Okay, that's very different than you you think you you love to tell people they're gaslighting so you know the true the true essence of that would be like i'm you have to be to be successful but like you'd have to be like this person's doing something that is totally fine but i'm gonna tell them that it's crazy until they believe it that i really don't think there's a lot of like dickheads a lot of like selfish people a lot of people who suck in relationships cheat or steal whatever i think it's i don't think there's many out there who are like, I'm going to slowly,

over the course of this relationship, break you. There are. And it can be fucked up. I just don't think it's the average guy. I think average guys are fucking dumb. I don't think the average guy is going to be like,

I'm going to plant this seed and in a couple weeks do it again and then by six months it will have molded her to be, you know, it's just like. I do it with TV shows. I do it with TV shows. I'll throw my hat in the ring.

I'll admit it. What do you do? Gas lighter. If they like a TV show, I don't like. If they like a TV show, I hat in the ring I'll admit it What do you do? Gas lighter If they like a TV show I don't like If they like a TV show I don't like I keep calling it dumb

Until she thinks it's dumb too And then they're like You're right it is dumb I feel like Is that gas lighting I mean that's just me That's me being In my honest opinion

I'm like this show stinks I hate this That's what I mean What it would be It would be It's slowly eroding Your confidence in a show That's gas I mean. It's slowly eroding your confidence in a show. That's gaslighting.

No, but it's not gaslighting because I'm saying I don't like the show. I think it would be gaslighting if you were just like, I want her to stop watching this show so that she's a different person. So I'm going to tell her. I just want to watch my show.

So I think the difference would be if you're being forced to watch a show and you just say it sucks until they believe it that's just you're a TV critic bro it would be more like if I know you love watching The Bachelor every night and I just tell you it's dumb until you're like yeah you're right it's dumb

wait isn't there actually a term for that where you give hints to people every single day and then they start to do it it's like Pavlovian. Pavlovian. Yeah, yeah. Where it's like, that's where you're like,

I'm going to try to change you by convincing yourself or something. This isn't really reward based. I don't know. I feel like gaslighting is definitely overused but I feel like we all gaslight

because it's like an ego thing. I feel like everyone... But that's what I mean. There's something there. I don't think that's gaslighting. No, no. Gaslighting is a very specific thing that is like super terrible and like crazy. Yeah.

I think this is more like you're being a little bit selfish in the relationship and you should do whatever the fuck it is, but it's not gaslighting. Gaslighting would be like I bit into an apple and I broke my tooth and me blaming the apple, but then the person being like, no, it's your tooth's issue. Like that's gaslighting. Like they're gaslighting me to think that it's my problem like it's my fault yes yeah yeah yeah

if someone was saying yes right right weird example that would be fucking real weird example very weird I don't know why don't we just stick

with the example with the lantern with the gaslight lantern the gaslight that example that one's pretty easy to get I've never I don't know if I've heard that one

oh you've never heard it I never told you I know it's from like a play right it's a play yeah it's like what is it every night he turned the light the lantern down I've never heard of it. Oh, you've never heard of it? I never told you? No. It's from a play, right? It's a play, yeah. What is it? Every night he turned the lantern down a little bit.

Oh, to make her feel crazy. She was like, it's getting darker. And he was like, no, it's not. What are you talking about? Oh, that's, yeah. That's crazy manipulative behavior. Whereas more often than not, I think you're dating a fucking dummy from Murray Hill and a paddock on your vest. You're just like, I don't know, man. I fucked up.

I didn't gaslight. I think girls forget how simple-minded men are. Yes. In the nicest way possible. Yeah, no. We're pretty black and white in basics. It's a good thing most of the time how simple-minded they are. Just time 20 minutes.

Oh, yeah. You have 20 more minutes. Okay. Yes. Oh, that's nice. That was fat. Holy crap. I think this is sweet.

Time flies when you're telling girls that they're dumb. Most ages, your game show, after like this is sweet. It flies when you're telling girls that they're dumb. Most of these are just game show. Apple show is on. Yeah, that I think is just a misnomer that I think is getting... And then it just becomes... Now, even if you are doing something wrong, if you tell me I'm gaslighting, I'm going to be a stubborn asshole. Shut the fuck up with the gaslighting.

If somebody tells you you're gaslighting,'m gonna just I'm gonna be a stubborn asshole and be like shut the fuck up with the gaslighting if somebody tells you you're gaslighting you're just automatically pissed off because you're just not simply not it's just not gonna be a constructive way

to talk about whatever the problem is no it's just like you're hitting me with the buzzword and I don't think you're right

and it's easy out too we use it as an easy out yeah it's a crutch for sure it doesn't get you anywhere either

it's what we did with crazy for centuries yeah that's true but sometimes you're being but sometimes there's just definitively I think it's because guys are simple more simple you think and girls sometimes are more like focused on the relationship with you know more

anal more anal would fix a lot of these problems I swear to God I didn't have any of these issues but it's like when you're like, if you are screaming and yelling and getting upset about something in a relationship and a guy is like, this is not a big deal. It seems crazy to us. It's like, whoa, this is crazy. There have been times where I'm like, this is nuts. This can't possibly be a normal reaction to the situation. We're breaking things. We're screaming.

This is crazy. But I'm also, I also an energy matcher. So you'll go? I'm an energy matcher. You'll be with the boys. I match energies. And if you want to fucking break shit, I'll break shit, dude.

That's dangerous. You're an energy matcher. That's an abusive relationship. If you want me to just lay back and chill, I'm a puppy. That is actually true. I'm like a dog who I act how the owner acts. I truly, I really genuinely mean this.

I don't think I've ever picked a fight in a relationship. They always pick you. We will always be as cool as she is willing to be. I don't know if I've picked a fight. I've caused fights. She started it, but I really started it with my actions. But you did it

out of... You didn't do it on purpose to start a fight? No, no, no. It was just me being a dumb asshole. You're dumb, whatever. I fucked up, for sure. I'm just saying, there have been times where I know they fucked up, and I let it slide. because I'm like,

I don't want to get in a fight the same way that I wish you would let it slide with me. But then I've also gotten to a place where it's like, I know you're not going to let it slide on me so I shouldn't let it slide on you and that's called

the end of the relationship. And that's gone over. Yeah. But like, I'm like, I'm very much like, are we breaking up over this? Because if we are,

then okay. If we're not, like, let's fucking chill. They're just like, no, it's just a fight you're like yeah it's like let's just not act like this is the end of the fight i hate that it's just a fight well what's the point of that yeah i grew up thinking a fight was a very big deal yeah so like everyone's like don't get a fight in the playground i don't get a fight like fights matter fights are big that's a really weird thing like

if you if you fought if you had like a argument or a yelling match or whatever with a friend or a co-worker that you had in a relationship, that friendship and that co-worker relationship would probably be over. Or at least, I don't really fuck with you anymore. And in relationships, you're just supposed to have them relatively frequently and be like, well, relationships are work. It's like, well, it shouldn't be that much fucking work. It's like, this is crazy. And there is probably, it probably is partly like a separation of sexes

where it's like, if I get a fight, it's probably a life or death situation. Whereas it's not like a little like angry thing. I guess it depends on how you define it. Like what you grew up being taught what a fight was. Right, right. It's like a life or death thing. It is a big deal.

Yeah. And I guess maybe not girls. I mean, I would imagine, I've never been raised a girl. I would imagine fights aren't as big a thing in your lives growing up. Well, like. No, I wish I had. Every time you go to the playground, you're like, I have to be ready for a fight.

I wish I was taking notes. Like, I wish I had a piece of paper because you guys just blew my mind like three times. Did they do this to you? One. No. My husband has never started a fight. I've started them all. He's caused them, but I'm the one that initiated them all.

You're starting a fight now. I was like, I started all of them. I would never fight with you the way I fought with him ever. That would be life-ending. And when I grew up, no, I was not taught to fight. What on earth? I've only started fights when I want to secretly, subconsciously sabotage or end a relationship. You know what I mean?

That's what I mean, yeah. Yeah, I'm never fighting with someone that I actually want to end a relationship with. I think a real big problem with any of my relationships that ended were like, if you pick a fight with me, there's a level of you that really doesn't have respect for me on a certain, like the way you're talking to me

or the fact that you're really like breaking my balls over this or you consistently do this one thing that I like, it's like, you're just not respecting me and we this or you consistently do this one thing that i like it's like you're just not respecting me and we're not a good match you know like i i think it's really weird relationship you don't like me yeah you're late to the party but come join right many other people don't and that's fine but we should including the other person's not trying to jam this this peg in the hole because it's like this is not really working but i um i just if

somebody does something i don't like or whatever i'd be like well all right i mean that's on me i'm not gonna like call them out about it and tell them to stop doing it and cause this big thing it's just i because i respect you yeah yeah it was i guess there's like a level where it could be constructive but but that's not a fight like i see what you're saying. I get it. This is probably an insecurity of mine. I feel like if you're trying to constructively change me, part of me is like, I just don't think you like me that much. Not change you, but communicate better with you because it's worth it versus a fight.

I've done that, but every time there's been a fight, it's because I'm like, not because the guy's usually like, it's not worth it. Right, right. I think it is. It's just going to be worth it. It's never worth it. Right, right. And I'm like, I think it is. It's going to be worth it. It's like never worth it. And we do all this so that we can have sex with you and we round around.

That's just how life fucking continues. But sometimes I'm like, I just like I would never go up to a co-worker and be like, you need to do this differently because I don't like it. And that's kind of what sometimes relationships fights are about. I think people do that to coworkers. Yeah, I think people do that a lot. We don't, but I think people would be like, you need to be better at this. But you would be like, you're an asshole, right?

People are assholes. People are assholes. If a coworker did that to you, you'd be like, fuck you. But they're not having sex with you, so you don't put up with it. If someone was like, you need to be better at this. Not a boss? Like an equal? Yeah.

Would that be like, suck my dick? I? Like an equal? Yeah. Said that to you? You wouldn't be like, suck my dick? I mean. You should. Yeah, wait, what? If someone's doing that to you, you should tell them to suck your dick. Fuck those people. But if a girl does that to you, you're supposed to just be like, okay, I'll do that. I think constructive criticism is different than blowout fights with coworkers and relationships.

That's what i'm saying i also think that it is i also think it's weird to be like this is probably a me thing not but like i think it's strange to be like i'm gonna give you constructive criticism because i think like you should change it would not phrase it that way yeah i know that's that's definitely a me thing but i i just wouldn't tell us i mean I guess if someone was doing something like really bad or something, I'd be like, that's not good. I just go, what are you doing? I don't phrase it like Constructor Christmas. I go, what the fuck are you doing? Who have sound mind body would act like that right now?

What are you, crazy? Crazy bitch. crazy bitch no I think I mean I just I know I definitely came from a place of like relationships are very like in my family the women run the show

and the relationships I've been in so it's very like good family yeah yeah they do with a bunch of unhappy dudes

yeah so I think I'm very like on guard about it but I think it's very yeah you're like wait what

but you know whatever so I think I'm very like on guard about it but I think it's very but you know whatever nobody should listen to me anyway the podcast is I think going well right I mean I feel like it's we're enjoying it yeah but I feel like it's getting like more traction

and like I said we you know we hear these clips and it's gaining oh we should do some voicemails we've still got you yes let's do that so these are these general or do we get these from for you guys I'm excited for recording? Fuck yeah. No, the face, dude. In the fucking face. For some reason, I thought that we were... What the fuck was that, dude? Were you looking at him?

No, you just fucking smoked me in the face with a bag of fucks. I thought you were ready. Bro, I was looking at my fuck. I know, as soon as it left my hands, I really... You didn't say anything. I thought that you knew. As soon as it left your hands, you should have said,

Heads up, or yo, or John. You saw me grab the pups. I saw you grab the pups. That doesn't mean I'm going to get thrown in my face right away. I didn't realize it still left my hands. Oh, he wasn't ready at all for that. Dude, I wasn't looking at all. You should have been a little bit more prepared.

Oh my god, your reaction time is so slow. No, it's not reaction time if I don't see you throw them. I was looking at my phone. It's not reaction time. I didn't see you. That was such an audible smack. You hit me fucking flush. Oh, my God. All right. This episode is brought to you by Fubz.

By now, if you're a fan of the show, you probably have seen what just transpired before this ad read started. Jackie just drilled me in the face with a bag of Fubz. I mean, full-on Randy Johnson throw. Flat in the face with a bag of fups I mean full on Randy Johnson throw flat into my face and I love fups so much that I don't even care I am still going to eat

these fups I do think it is a mess up on fups part to be so delicious because then I can't do an ad-free without a mouthful of food so I'm going to try and get through this without the Phups in my mouth. But they're absolutely delicious. They are hands down my favorite snack right now. I can't believe no one's ever thought about doing Puffs with other flavors.

I always just think cheese Puffs. Cheese Puffs, cheese Puffs, cheese Puffs. Well, Phups is breaking barriers. Phups is shattering the glass ceiling of Puffs. They come in your standard juice, of course. They come in salt and vinegar. That's my favorite. We got the sour cream and onion right here.

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That's fups.com slash KFC. Use code KFC15. Get 15% off. Don't even bother picking one flavor. Get them all. They're all delicious. Thank you, Fups. Thank you for being so soft and delicious, so fluffy and delicious, so puffy and delicious, that when

your goddamn co-worker throws them at your face, you survive to do the ad read. Fups.com slash kFC, code KFC15. Hi, Alex and Jordan. I'm a big fan of both of you. Also, Alex, I loved Sweet Home Oklahoma, and I'm really sad it's not on anymore. But here is my question for both you guys and KFC Radio.

So I'm curious to hear what you all think. The issue I'm having is that I'm 31, and I've never had a boyfriend. It makes me really anxious to tell guys that because I think that makes me look bad or it scares people away. I live in New York. I'm a teacher. I have a great group of friends. I go out a lot. I think I've been with and slept with a normal amount of people. But this is like the one thing that is, I think, sort of odd about me. I'd say I'm pretty average besides that.

It makes me really anxious, so I'm just curious. If you think this is a big deal, am I overanalyzing this? I feel like I get paranoid about it, and it shows when I'm around guys, and it's probably not helping me. So I'd love to hear any and all thoughts that you might have. Also, I'm into the big nose thing, so John, if you're looking for a dude, I'm a girl. Thank you guys for your advice.

Alright, first of all, it's hilarious that a teacher called in. She's a teacher? So she's sliding in. I'm a teacher, I don't have a boyfriend. Will you marry me? I love you I mean that's probably You know being honest

If you heard that You'd be like Whoa what's that about I don't think I would even I wouldn't I wouldn't skip a beat No Cause I have a

I don't know how many Girlfriends I've had I have like Like I have a Bad dating history Where it's just like I've been

I would guess I would say I've had Probably three girlfriends In my life I was gonna say I've had probably three girlfriends in my life and then I bet if you ask around that's exactly it that's the old like I don't have a girlfriend but I have a girl who'd be mad to hear yeah yeah yeah and it wasn't that

I was like fucking other people I would never said like we're dating yet yeah by the way you're not dating until you have a conversation 100% 100%

it has to be said that's what I'm wondering I'm like does she has she had like things with guys yeah yeah yeah or what is like boyfriend girlfriend

is such a heavy term like what does she mean by that but I think she seems like normal so it's probably like I don't know maybe you just ran

through a bunch of dickheads in New York but it's not weird anymore there's a lot of people no I really yeah I mean I don't know, maybe you just ran through a bunch of dickheads in New York. It's not weird anymore. There's a lot of people. I mean, I like to say I've never been on a date before. Yeah, he's weird like that. Is that true?

Yeah. He's never, he means like a formal. I've never been on a date. He's only, what was it? Like you, anytime you've gone out with a girl, it's been like in a group setting or set up by people or whatever. I have never been on a first date. You've never texted somebody on a date huh you never texted somebody like will you go to dinner with me and then gone to dinner with him ever in your life not once how old are you 33 you've never gone on

a date i've i've i've dated women and we've gone out together like never been never been kissed or whatever and like but i've never been so so here's how i classify it is like you need to have like the john's a slut is what he's saying you need to have the butterflies. John's a slut is what he's saying. You need to have the butterflies beforehand. Is she going to like me? Is this going to go okay? Every time I've been out with a girl one-on-one, I've already known her.

It's fine. He's fucking his friend. You mean like a first date with a girl that you didn't know and you had to carry the combo and ask her? Yeah. That's it. I've never been on a first date. Start a relationship. But I've also never like texted a girl

who I already knew so by the time you've like gone out to dinner you've had sex with someone it's not all probably yes and this is why

you're so it's either like I've been in a it's either like I've hung out with you with friends I've been in a meeting with you at work

I've you know I've known you somehow already and we're already, like, close. And now we'll go out to dinner and all that shit. I, yeah, probably. But, like, by the time I go out, I've got a romantic dinner. If there are romantic intentions, we've probably hooked up. But, again, that's something where, like, there's girls who are, like, I had romantic intentions.

You're just dumb and you didn't realize what was going on. Hey, wait, what? There's probably been times where you were hanging out with a girl thinking, we're just hanging out, and she's like, we're on a date. Oh, yeah, probably. So you have been on a date, you just don't know it. I was just too busy stuffing my face with wings. Getting too hooked on my dick doesn't work.

I mean, yeah, you constantly say you're the king of missing signals and misreading situations, but you're like, I've never been on a date. I've never been on a date. Not once. Not once, motherfucker. Don't put that on me. You ask other girls, he's been on plenty. Thousands.

I've been on, like, I've taken girls to dinner. I've never been on a first date. Got it. I see you. Start a question. Yeah. Can you imagine going on a first date with him having, like, no context? I would not stop laughing.

That would be incredible. Oh, I would die. That be that would be incredible it would you wouldn't have fun are you kidding i would say to this girl because people are judgmental it probably is going to be a little bit of a thing for some people but like for me for him like i i would be like whoa that's a little weird but i wouldn't be like peace yeah it would not be a turn out that's wild i've never heard something like that it would be like telling me you had a weird job but i bet i bet flip-flop though i think you girls would be like red black no i mean my brother is not to throw him under the bus he's in his upper 20s and i don't just slang and dick and i know the reasons why and stuff like career and like he's like hung out with girls so it's like she's just she's doing her life she's living her best life yeah she shouldn't be

worried about it i think like if she was like i've never hooked up i've never because that part of that for me would be like i kind of want someone who's gonna yeah know how to fuck but uh but if she's doing all that it's like i think i had a buddy who did that once he did he dated a girl who was a virgin for a while. And then he was totally cool with it. And then it wasn't like an individual person pulling aside. We were kind of just busting his balls one night, having a few beers. We're like, you understand you have to teach her how to have sex, right?

And he's like, oh, no. Oh, my God, that's really weird. All right, never mind. I'm out. I'm out. So a 31-year-old, you'd rather have a 31-year-old that has had sex, no boyfriend, than the opposite? Fuck yeah. Anyway, okay. Yeah, out. So you, you're a 31 year old. You'd rather have a 31 year old that has had sex, no boyfriend, then the opposite.

Fuck it. Okay. Absolutely. Cool. Next up. What's up guys. This is Sydney from Oklahoma. You got OKC on lock girl. And I was just going to ask what the hell Alex is going to do the second after she beats

the shit out of her opponent at Rough Round. Yeah, let's go. Is she going to go to Disney World? The people need to know do you have like a post fight speech ready to go

you gotta have like a one liner I'm too nervous I don't know we're going on a trip after to celebrate yeah we are gonna go to the Hamptons

let's go but you need something in the ring to be like I told you like talk some shit are you gonna go to West Virginia you should be like

gaslighting's not real you're just crazy put her on a shirt gaslit you yeah that's what I'll do? You should be like, gaslighting's not real. You're just crazy. Put it on a shirt. Gaslit you. Yeah, that's what I'll tell her. She'll be like, okay. Are you going to go to the strip club after?

There's a very famous strip club. There's one thing down in Wheeling, Virginia, and it's a strip club. What? There is? I was wondering what we should do that night. That's it. It's your only choice. I think that's what – as long as it's in the same location. I think of West Virginia as a single city.

So as long as it's in the same part of West Virginia, the same area that Hank's fight was in. I think it was post-Hank's fight. And it was like, it was wild. It was like strippers fucking just squirting milk at people. No! Have you seen somebody do that before? I've never seen that.

I've seen, I've said, we've said before that I'm more, when I go to a strip club, I'm more there for like, I want entertainment

and wow, I don't want to get horny. I'm like, I'm like, holy shit, that was fucking crazy.

Impress me. Yeah, I want to see some circus shit. It's a show. And like, I've seen, I've seen show stuff,

but I've never seen like, a chick with two super soakers. I think nipples and milk is fucking weird. You don't like nipples? Like at all? No think nipples and milk is fucking weird you don't like

nipples like at all no no no I definitely don't like anything with my nipples girl nipples are fine but I don't need like that's fair I definitely don't need milk coming out of them that's weird that's a weird fetish that I'm out on when you guys get massages do you get hard oh good okay I wanted to bring this up um I think your husband just gets boners. I think Graham just gets hard dicks. I bet he was like, fuck, I didn't want her to tell that on the camera. The internet's like, not true at all. He's like, no, it's true.

I have always, I've had a bunch of surgeries and fucked up things in my body, so I've had a million massages and get them consistently. And I've also gotten happy ending massages where I do get my dick hard, but I have not. Wait, what? That's an actual thing? What? But I didn't know normal people did it.

Pavs and his friend did it when they were 15. Pavs and his basketball team. Five guys would wait in the car. Five guys would go in. They would switch like the 18 and the 15. No, you were so bad. Oh, my God. And she just would like get you off?

Yeah. You get a massage, you get jerked off. I went after I got divorced. I was like, let's fucking go. Wasn't it weird? Is it awkward? It was strange. Because guys are cool and we don't care about shit.

Okay. So it's actually awesome. You get your body rubbed and then you get jerked off. Does she talk to you at all? Is it just like a job? It's usually a language barrier. Oh, my God. Wow.

That's interesting. Actually, there's always a language barrier. One hundred percent of the time. That's crazy. Imagine you walked in like, hello, Mr. Clancy, how can I help you? What the fuck is going on here? You're going here a little too often, too.

Not you. Do you think that's cheating? If you're in a relationship and you're getting happy, yes, one million percent. One hundred percent. I would probably in a relationship and you're getting happy Yes 100% I would probably agree I was gonna make an argument I agree What are you trying to say?

What's next? Fucking hookers and cheating? I'm gonna say listen Don't get me wrong I could make an argument I could make the argument There's no argument here Well alright

Let's make the argument Like if you're rubbing the rest of my body and making me feel good, like, what's the difference? You're just touching your dick. So why would you put your dick on a pedestal? Like, why is that body part so untouchable? You're gaslighting it. That's gaslighting.

That is a good use of gaslighting. Well done. If you pulled that on me, I'd be like, you're right, I'm gaslighting it. For sure. So why is the dick the important piece? I walk around seven times with my dick out all the time. No one says nothing. One old Asian lady jerks it off. Now we got a problem.

Alright, let's do one more before we get in here. Oh my god. What's up KFC Radio crew? Mean Girl Pod. So, what's up KFC radio crew mean girl pod um so I'm what my girlfriend calls vanilla in bed

but I don't do the extracurriculars she wants to spice it up I'm good with spicing it up question is what can we spice it up with we got handcuffs is pretty much the only thing we do.

White binding. That's it. What else? Little barrel jacket? I'll tell you what you should spice this shit up with. A fucking breakup. Spice this up with a breakup. You guys are not a good fit. I genuinely mean that. Done. You're done.

Very hard. I think if one person is sexually driven, he won't break up with her, but she'll eventually be like, this sucks. I gotta get out of this. So they should legit break up. A pair of handcuffs ain't changing that you don't really care about like getting wild. A pair of handcuffs. I need a pair of handcuffs.

A pair of handcuffs is so stupid. I was like, what the fuck? This is so dumb. It's like, I want you to do weird shit to me with your hands. Yeah. Fucking let your hands free. We would say try 69, try lingerie, and and try the vibrator those are all things we've been trying excitement levels what makes me nervous because it's like if he's like okay i'm willing

i'm excited but he's like i guess it's a drag for him yeah and that's fine some people are not like down like that and some people are he's like let me send a video into kfc radio instead of actually thinking of an idea yeah i love that he's self-aware's like let me send a video into kfc radio instead of actually thinking of an idea yeah i love that he's self-aware though he should go find a vanilla girl in bed which would be cool actually very vanilla like we just don't really put pressure on it missionary mean girl don't hate on me okay question question what's missionary when you're guy on top or girl on top guy on top we always thought it was either or on top Somebody on top No I don't know I don't like this

You guys are dumb That's dumb We're idiots That is wildly Naive in experience That's just called Like girl on top No in Minnesota

We Exactly Stop Stop That's all you need to say No that's guy All my friends Would say the same

They'd be like Isn't that the same thing Missionary just meant Somebody on top Someone on top No that's crazy. Well, I guess now that I think about it, why is missionary called missionary? Because Jesus back in the day-

Used to sling dick like that. That's it. No, the only thing- The only way sex was allowed was if the male was on top, so it's missionary. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I don't know if that's true, but-

You need to Google that. That will be- It's a weird thing that we call missionary. Don't Google that. That will be a fact. That's a Jordan. That's an Alex fact. We're good.

I was just summoned by. Yeah. Okay. Production. Where are you? But yeah, just sum it up. If you don't want to fuck, you're not going to. It's not going to work.

No, you have to have the same sex life compatibility. I think you should try 69 and see how it goes. Kevin hates a 69. 69 is for children. Same. Thank you. It's for children. Thank you.

I don't agree. You're not going to give your best and you're not going to enjoy your most. Yeah, but that's all right. It's a fun novelty. That's exactly what it is. And if you want to say that, that's fine. But if you're like,

this is going to be awesome for both of us, it's not. No, it's great for a girl though and I'm a girl. I think that's a fair point, right? I would always want to just be able to enjoy

rather than focusing on what I need to do. If you want to feel all that shit while you're sucking your dick, then it's good for you. Multitasking. Okay. Two birds, one stone. Right. Girl's got, she I need to do. If you want to feel all that shit while you're sucking your dick, then it's good for you. Multitasking. Okay. Two birds, one stone.

Right. Girl's got to train. She's got to find her way. All right. It is August, which we are entering. I'll say this. This will be quick. We are entering kind of the fucking best time of year, if you ask me.

Summer's over. Summer's ticking down. It it's not cold but it's august right august september october three of the most elite months in my opinion weather gets nicer it's cooled down football's coming all that good shit what else you get to do in this time is you get to start dressing a little more again you get to start dressing you know what i mean what they say like when it's fall i'm gonna really be dressing to start dressing a little more again. You get to start dressing. You know what I mean? What they say, when it's fall, I'm going to really be dressing. To be dressing, you need Mugsy jeans. Mugsy are the most comfortable men's jeans on the planet.

I truly believe that. They are fucking, they're the proprietary, that stretch, they get that elasticity to them that when they kind of feel fucking nice, they kind of hug you, they keep your piece all tight, if you know what I mean. Everything gets held up. They're cotton-based for breathability and that classic or natural denim look and feel. More room for

your balls. No hugging your balls. Never too baggy. Never too skinny. Always just right. Also, Mugsy just dropped 10 new designs for their swim collection, so we'll get that because it is August, so we still got some more beach days left. The greatest thing to hit the pool, not the pool, but the beach. I'm a beach guy.

So the cannonball is here. Two inseam, seven and nine inches. No deading. Instead, they have a form-fitting liner that hugs your thighs. I love that. That's been a new transition for both athletic shorts and bathing suits. It's crazy we ever had anything else. That is primo.

So do your legs a favor and head on over to Muggsy.com to pick up a pair of the most comfortable clothes ever worn. Ever worn. That's Mugsy.com for 10% off your entire order using code KFC. Again, Mugsy.com for 10% off your entire order using code KFC. All right. Am I the Asshole featuring Alex Bennett. Jordan just dipped out. So we kept on the other one from the podcast.

She's sitting all the way over there. I like how you stayed in your seat. Oh, do you want me to move? No, no, no, no, not anymore now. Now it's a thing. It's a fucking thing. I don't know if I should move now. It's a fucking thing.

Now you made it weird. Okay. God damn it. Damn it. Gas lighting. thing i don't know you made it a fucking thing no now you made it weird okay damn it gaslighting you know what i like about you like i am yes kind of i am sitting here speaking from no facts no real information and a entire fucking treasure trove of psychological trauma and damage and bitterness.

And she was like, wow, this is all. You're right. I was like, wow. She believes all this shit. What you are is I would say you're interested. Yeah, curious. You're also, it seems like, willing to maybe change. Always.

Which is something I have never encountered with a woman. Not a one. No, I'm just always curious about it. Like, because we all have our own... Me and my husband had such shit before we got married that I'm like, there's no rule book.

Like, I don't know. So I just always am like, okay, what's going on? What did you guys have? Did you talk about it or no? Yeah, no. There was this phase where he cheated on me

and kind of gaslit me. And then we got over that and it's like... That's cool. Yeah, it's cool. I think once you've gone through some shit like that it kind of puts in perspective like these other things don't really matter as much totally once you've been in the trenches you're like okay this feels better than

that i've done that with real like the rest of my life like after i went through everything like i stopped caring about like if the blog wasn't funny or if people didn't like this or that i'm like this doesn't matter no i've gone through some real shit now. But also at the same time, you have to recognize that people only know their own experience. So like if you're a kid who's stressing out about finals, that's all you've ever known. You think that's the biggest thing in the world. So it's all back and forth. You can't really blame anybody for their how they react to things.

No, definitely. I mean, you can, but you just have to do it privately. Am I the assholes? Where were they? I have one open, I think. I mean, you can, but you just have to do it. You can hate them. You just have to do it privately. Am I the asshole? Where were they? I have one open, I think. I got one here. Am I the asshole for telling my boyfriend's friends I make twice what he does when they called me a gold digger and he didn't defend me?

I mean, that one off the bat, I sound like you're not a asshole. But it's very... I would agree, right? I would agree she is not the asshole. If you get called a gold digger and he doesn't defend me, you have every right to go, I would fucking make twice what he makes. There ain't no gold to dig. Right?

Yeah, double layers. But we'll see. Because usually sometimes you read these things and it's like... I'm in a relationship with a guy who also works in tech. He makes 68k. I make 130k. I'm a mechanical engineer and a robotic startup nerd. He works at a more stable job

doing programming at a large company. He brought me to meet his friends at a party and they asked me about myself. His friends mostly work in tech too. Talked about themselves in terms of their jobs. I told them I'm a hiker. I do archery. I love road trips and camping and riding dirt bikes. Nerd. Archery? Nerd. Archery.

That was some medieval fucking lame shit. That's also I don't want to fuck with a bitch who has a bow and arrow you're a gaslighting damn alright fucking Robin Hood here basically talking about my hobbies because work is just a way to get paid and to do the shit I love I actually really agree with that when people say like

I think it's a New York thing maybe but when people are like what do you do and the first answer the only answer is your job. I think that's like, I think you should answer with something else. Oh, no. I've never thought about that, but that's not a bad point. It's not a bad, but like, when I ask someone, what do you do?

I mean, what's your job? I agree. Yeah, I agree with you. I think it's like a little bit of a game. Like if you're dating and shit and someone asks you, think a good a good thing to do is not bring up work uh i i i guess you're saying like for a move yeah yeah yeah yeah um and then and then what do you do for work yeah but but it's almost like like you're almost like also only do that if you have some good shit to say it's like i sit on the couch and watch tv that's what i would say i would say my job because my job is the most i would lead

with the most interesting thing about you if it it's your job, so be it. If it's anything else, I would go with that. But it's like if I said, what do you do? And someone was like, I love to fucking crochet or whatever you call that. Yeah. I'd be like – But what do you do? What do you do?

Yeah. Okay. All right. Why do you even think about this? You know what I meant. Why are you making me ask again? Let me amend it one more time. I think you should do it if you're a guy.

Because I think so many guys, as you guys were saying, will automatically be like, I work here and this is how much I make, that the guy who says I fucking dirt bike, you'd be like, oh, I've never heard that before. It's like a different answer. So if I was like, what do you do, what would you say? See, I would say this because this is the most interesting thing about me. So if I had something more interesting, if I had a good hobby, a good talent, if I played the piano, I'd be like, I play the piano.

I think you're being a dickhead. I piano. I think you're being a dickhead. I agree. I think you're being a dickhead. I was with you at first, but now I'm not. Because I mean, what do you do? Yeah, but I think that, like, I guess if you're asking a question, you want to know the answer. If you were like, what are you passionate about?

My answer is still my job. But nobody asks you that. No. So I think if someone says, what do you do, you should answer with what you're passionate about and maybe just do it in a better job a better way than i did if you asked what do i do and you said like i said like i play in a band that that playing piano is a dickhead answer i'm in a band it was like i love music but then but then guess what you said what do you do when i'm in a band i'll be like oh shit like what

band like it's like you make a living off your band? Jesus. Fuck yeah. I always say I love music and I play instruments. Fuck, I don't know. And then it has to be like, what's your job? Then I'll answer, what's my job? But that's what I mean by what do you do? I know that's what you mean by what do I do, but so many other guys are just going to give you the answer of their job that in order to be different or spice up the conversation.

I'm going to be the guy who gives you the answer to the question you ask. I think, because I just think everything else becomes misleading. We're like, well, wait. Hang on. Not that you're trying to lie, but it just – it adds another step to the conversation. Exactly. That's exactly what it does. But it's one that turns me off personally.

Yeah. We're like – I think it's like when you are doing the dating world and that it's just like the same shit always I think it's better to say something that like stands out or makes you different I think things that make the conversation longer are like it's like when someone's like oh I thought you said blank blank blank you're like well I didn't

so why are you even saying that because now I have to say no I didn't say that like so like when someone hears you sometimes your brain first hears something, but then your brain corrects it, and you know what they actually said? Rather than saying, we just don't even need to acknowledge the thing I didn't say. Yes, so then they answer it, and they're like, but by the way, I thought you said blank.

You're just extending the conversation for something. I think that's what that's doing, is extending the conversation. In a good way, you're telling something about yourself. I think you could be like, well, do i i my job is podcaster but like really what i like to do is blank i would think you were unemployed i would be afraid to follow up with the job because you're a fucking gold digger so one of his friends asked about work and i said oh gosh i don't want to talk about work at a party spent my whole day sweating my ass off in 95 degree heat trying to replace this busted ass motor. Just trying to find the replacement part was also fucked.

I wasn't lying or trying to downplay that I have a good job. That's really how I spent my day and I wasn't in the mood to talk shop at a party. Some other conversations came up casually that probably also made me seem poorer. Like me saying that the car dealership repairs were a ripoff. And telling my boyfriend that my childhood neighbor's trailer caught on fire and i wasn't gonna visit and help her out yeah like so i was my daddy was dealing math down in the trailer park and i was applying for welfare these people thought that i was poor okay um i wasn't doing it on purpose i was just literally talking about my own life but i guess i gave that

impression that i was poorer i got it got in the night. Everyone was getting drunker. And some of his friends, not the close ones though, were making jokes about me growing up in a trailer and being a gold digger. And being ready to jump to a richer guy. Really misogynistic shit, honestly, since they don't even know me and seem to just assume all girls are gold diggers. He didn't say anything.

He later said it was because he smoked weed and gets quiet and has trouble carrying on a quick conversation when he's high. See that? I agree. I can resonate with that. But regardless, I felt hurt. He didn't say anything. I got irritated with his friends and said, now why the hell would you say that when I make twice what he does?

His friends went quiet for a second and I continued saying there ain't no gold to dig here. Not that I'm with him or anyone at this party. So do you all think I'm cheap or do you all think I'm stupid? See, now I think she's the asshole. That totally swayed me. Because if her boyfriend is just, fuck yeah. Because if I'm just in the corner, fucked up, and I don't know that you guys are having some big debate about gold digging, and you blow that up, there is no putting that toothpaste back in the tube.

If I was sitting there watching that conversation and just being like yeah bitch you you you're a gold digger you have every right to blow that up but now there is no repairing that bridge with those friends and that moment everything's awkward you brought up money you called them poor or lying you made you made them you know like that was, you went nuclear when I was just stoned in the corner. I'd have to see the layout, but I also think like these dudes are assholes.

She gave the layout though, yes, but they were not close friends. So she could easily be like, those two, those, like I like your friends, but those other guys sucked. Like go home for the night and be like, those two friends were dickheads. You shouldn't hang out with them or you should defend me, whatever. And I could with those other guys sucked Yeah, I go home for the night and be like those two friends were dickheads You shouldn't hang out with them or you should defend me whatever and I could be like oh my god I was fucking in a coma because I smoked too much weed. I would have I would have you know

Unless that's a lie if he was like right there, and he's just like oh I was too high, but if like something was going on and I'm too fucked up to realize it and you just went nuclear Now it's like well we can never hang out with those people again. Well, I never want to hang out with anyone who thinks $68,000 can be a gold digger. Thank you. I'm done with that friend group anyway. Yeah, those are some. There's this teacher in New York who's 31 and never had a boyfriend.

She makes more than me. What are you talking about? She's like, girl, girl's a gold digger. Yeah, I mean, that is, I guess in certain parts of the country maybe, but boy, we are loose with the term gold digger. I didn't even know it was possible

for people in tech to make $68,000. Yeah, right? I'm a programmer. That's like you work in the tech building. You tell me you work in tech, I think you have a fucking fancy office. Or at least a fucking – you're either in a fancy office or you're down in the trenches in the fucking sub stacks. Whatever they're called with all the fucking wires. And the servers.

The servers. Reboot the drivers and the servers. Like you're just fucking plugged in at all times. I imagine they're not doing tech in San Francisco. We're talking about literal homeless people. We're talking about a fight between two literal bums. I mean, I guess you have the right, though, to be like, if people are talking shit, then you want to just be like, fuck you.

But, you know, if it's like his friend group and I, you know, they were rude, but I think you went beyond the point of no return. There's a little bit to be said for like you do the first time, the first like five times you meet your significant other's friends, like you have to take some punches. Yeah. There's kind of that. A few. Yes, to an extent. Like it's not going to just like go how, like you have to take some punches. Yeah. There's kind of that. A few. To an extent. It's not going to just like go how you want it to go. It's just not.

You're like the outsider coming in and you got to like take some lumps. Maybe some things are going to be weird, different from your way of life, whatever. That's a bit extreme. But also if the kicker is that you weren't defending me, but also my response to that is like it was the end of the night and everyone was fucked up and i guys i didn't know you guys were like debating about salaries then it's like you might have you might have jumped the gun a little bit yeah if you're if you're truly like fucked up then like there's nothing like i mean what what she described if i smoke weed i will forget the words that just came out of my mouth let alone what you just said to me a minute ago

if you can even get words yeah like I am fucking done if I smoke too much weed. So that's a very real thing to me. But yeah, all these fucking homeless people should just kill themselves. You came for money though, but it doesn't seem like it. I think what people say is that I married it.

But you didn't. Your dad's rich, right? Or no. You married it? Well, nobody's ever asked me that. Who owns the fucking team? My husband's father. Okay, so you did married it. But you didn't. Your dad's rich, right? Or no? You married it? Well, nobody's ever asked me that. Who owns the fucking team? My husband's father. Okay. So you did marry it. All right. You're an old digger.

I can relate. All right. And how did you grow up? Like middle class? Or were you rich too? Well, I'm from Oklahoma, so like... It's all relative, kind of? Like, yeah.

My dad was an oil. The oil. The oil... It doesn't fade. There's no... Oil money, you say? Wow, Carl! My dad's Elon Musk, but like... Oil is the most...

I love you. I take it back. It seems like you come from money. No, but you. You have Shell gasoline. You know the Exxon Valdez. I'm not like Shell. You do.

You don't seem like a stuck up rich bitch is what I'm trying to say. No one ever gave me anything. My parents made that very clear. What was the reality show you were on? My first job out of college, I worked for an interior designer who had an interior design show in Oklahoma City. And I was like her assistant. Was it on, what channel was it on? Bravo.

So yeah, that's a, I mean. Yeah, I was on it. It was in Oklahoma City, but it was, yeah, that's a, it was on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I saw that clip of you, because the clip I saw was like, they were calling you ditzy, and I don't think you're ditzy. No, and there was a clip of her being like, I have these very blonde moments. Blonde moments, yeah, yeah. But I'm very smart.

Okay, yeah. And my boss loved that. I guess so, yeah. I guess that one clip was like, they made you look like that. But I wouldn't, that's not, I wouldn't say that. No, she wouldn't either. They kind of clipped it that way, but she was like, you're really smart. Fucking rat.

I know. Scumbags. Yeah. What's OnlyFans like? How much money are you getting on OnlyFans? What? You got denied. Well, you're back now, right?

Oh, you're back now? I'm on. I got tips today. Didn't they just tweet you? Yeah. They tweeted me, and then they wanted to sponsor me for Rough and Rowdy, and now I'm making tips. Let's go. I know.

How many tips? I saw you tweeted you had like 25 bucks. 25 bucks. That's total – I didn't have to do anything. Okay, here's – this is how it begins. Bennett's going to be fucking on camera by October. She's going to get a taste of that money and be like, whatever, Graham. Let's go, dude.

Would you – what would be the amount of money you would need to make to have your income be you and Graham's sex life? This is the problem. It's not that much because I don't see – Because you're rich. No. Because we have money. I don't see why that would be necessarily the worst thing in the world. Neither do I.

Like I don't see like the problem there. See, but I think – No. You have to see – You don't know. You don't see how many other people would be like – You're a very expressive person. But no.

For you in this world, absolutely not. As a matter of fact, you would probably crush it. And it would be a huge thing for you as long as you're okay with it yourself. For him going to work every day being like, I watched your wife fuck you last night. That's the problem. I don't take you seriously and all that shit. And then for the other rich people in the family being like our daughter sucks dick on camera

like that's all probably a problem it would be a ginormous problem but if you were like if you were let's just say I don't know

everybody you two are orphans you have no family no nothing involved and you guys found each other you think you could fuck on camera for money yeah I think

there's a lot yeah yeah now do you think you could earn money by fucking on camera 100% Yeah I posted one selfie

And I made $25 That's not good Because you know what That just showed me It's not that hard That's what I'm saying It's not October bro Dude

I give it to October Well we just had Or at least do it on your feet We just had a guy in here Who kind of has like A sex podcast And Ryan Pono Pono

Pono Fuck You fucked me up By saying it wrong I fucked it up Pono Ryan Pono But. Pownell. Pownell, fuck. You fucked me up by saying it wrong. I did, I fucked it up. Pownell. Ryan Pownell. But he was saying that like,

he's big on OnlyFans. Like, he uses it. He uses it. And he was saying that like, the people he pays the most are the people who don't have sex and stuff like that because he's just thinking

one day they're gonna. Yeah. It's about the teas. That's fair. He's planting seeds. Mm-hmm. Now, I... But you eventually gotta pay off. Right. But you eventually got a payoff.

Right, but you've already paid them. Yeah, but it's like for one month, I think. Take it over the edge, the tipping point. The feet thing, I see, I do not. If somebody says I'd pay you $1,000 for feet photos, I don't know why anybody would not send that photo. You're going to get offers now. Yeah, I was going to say.

I mean, it's happening to Jackie. But she doesn't do it. Like, you know, like, do something with it. It's just feet. Like. Yes. Yeah. No?

No, I know. I would, but I just don't. Jackie's lazy. Like, okay. Yeah, that's fair. Can we say right now, if you're into feet, DM Alex Bennett and you pay her money. Yeah, it's just photos of feet. What's your OnlyFans handle?

MillionDollarAB. It's a play on MillionDollarBaby. It's my boxing name. MillionDollarAB on OnlyFans. Makes sense to me now, by the way. I read it and I was like, MillionDollarAb? I don't get it. No, dang it.

You didn't get it. No one's going to get it. I got'm going to get it. No, dang it. You didn't get it. No one's going to get it. I got it. I knew it was a dumb one. Most people got it. Jordan didn't get it either, but it's fine. I read it. It was Caps Lock AB.

Who's the Jordan and who's the – what am I trying to say? In your podcast, who's the KFC and the Feidelberg, and who's the Jordan and Alex in our world? We flip-flop too much. We've been trying to figure that out. I don't think we know yet. Yeah, it's not settled. Basically, who's the good-looking, smart one?

Oh, me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so us. And then, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so you're going to get offers on OnlyFans, and you should sell feet. I'll let you guys know how much I make. And I'm going to be disappointed if you don't do this.

Just feet photos. Okay, and I get 10%. Thank you. 100% Done. I did one don't do this. Just feet photos. Okay. And I get 10%. Thank you. 100%. Done. I did one more asshole? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Okay. This one is fucking bad. Let's go. Am I the asshole for sending my boyfriend a pic of my bloody underwear? I'm leaning heavy yes right away. This is going to be hard to sway me the other way. Where are we at? I'm leaning no.

Leaning no? I have a bat? How are you an asshole for sending the photo? Of bloody underwear? Well, he might have caused the blood. Yeah, I mean, there's going to need to be some crazy extenuating circumstances where he's like, she's like, yo, this is from when you stabbed me with that knife or something. Yeah, or I think, wait, no, I mean, this is is I think it's hard to say

That she is the asshole Are you An idiot Wait Why would she be an asshole For sending that photo Why Who wants to see that

He might be Well one She might have thought It turned him on Two Turned him on You went to some kinky shit man Who's she fucking married to

This fucking What's his dick What Who's the blood guy The cannibal guy Army Hammer Army Hammer Yeah Oh god No I think he's the reason guy the cannibal guy army hammer army hammer yeah god no i think he's the reason that they're bloody okay that's a that's an interesting call i'm

gonna say that this is something period related and that's why because guys are just not interested in that if it is like injury related then it's okay i don't think it's a big deal of course i think i think we know where we know where we're going with this i don't i don't know that's why we play this game. Yes, of course it is. Bloody underwear. That's not where your brain goes first? Bro, when you hear fucking sheep, when you hear hooves, think horses, not zebras. No, no, no.

No, no, it's sad. If it's the period, it's sad. I can't believe your brain did not go there first. No, I don't. Okay. I live with my boyfriend. We've been together. I had my period.

I sent a picture of it. We've been together almost two years now. He's the most amazing man I've met, and I want to my boyfriend. We've been together. I had my period. I sent a picture of it. We've been together almost two years now. He's the most amazing man I've met, and I want to marry him. We love each other a lot and could be considered codependent due to the fact that we were always together. On to the issue. I got my period unexpectedly and didn't have a clean pair of underwear nearby. I texted my boyfriend a pic of the underwear. Most of the blood hidden but visible so he knew I really needed a clean pair.

Totally unnecessary. And asked him to get me a clean pair. All hell broke loose. He freaked out and yelled, saying, why would you show me this? That's disgusting. You need to keep it to yourself. I had to go grab a clean pair and got blood on my nice pants.

So, all right. My mom thinks he has a right to not see stuff like that, but half of my friends think I'm not the asshole. Okay. I would say everyone's the i don't think you need to like berate her over it and like if you tell me i got my period i need a fresh pair of underwear i would never be like give me photo evidence that's bad you don't need to tell me just tell me yeah you're gonna be my guy friend you can be my girlfriend you go yo i need some underpants i'll hook hook you up. That's a fact. I figured some shit went down, dude.

Let my memory fucking handle it, bro. You're so right. Let's, as a human race, agree on this right now. There is nothing in this world that you can get 100% of people to agree upon. I think we can all agree on this. If someone says to you, I need a pair of underwear, you just do it for them. You just help a brother or a sister out. Correct.

Do not need details. Do not need proof that it's bad enough. It could be whatever. Blood, shit, doesn't fit. Whatever the reason is. If someone's like, I need underwear. Please help me. Just do it.

I got underwear. I got underwear on deck for you. I got it, my dog. I'll run downstairs to Duane Reade. I got underwear. I got underwear on deck for you I'll run downstairs a Dwayne Reed. I'll fucking run to a store I'll get you a nice pair of pants if that's what you want if you need underpants your boys got you I got you You don't need to tell me you don't need a picture But go imagine imagine you were in the bathroom right no toilet paper Yo someone check this out you said I fucking picture of a bunch of shit in a toilet bowl. Yo, can I get some new toilet paper?

Even worse, bro. Like, yo, I know you need the toilet paper, but I don't need the picture. Even worse, it's a picture of your butt is what it is. That's what he sent, basically. Just, fam, look at this. I need to wipe this up, and I don't have any. You do not need. But I will say and I will say though

being like what the fuck like going off on her I do think that you need to break up the edit it was the final was edit

he broke up with me because you know what I will say that not because of like she was like wrong I would there are just certain things that

what are you girls what's the phrase the girls say give the ick where you can't unick it where it's like i will never look at you the same way again i'm not saying that's one and done i'm saying that's like a couple of those will add up yeah you know it's like oh that time you've like farted in front of me that time you shit with the door open and then the the straw that broke the camel's back was the fucking underwear and now i don't like you you know that might be what's going on here. I don't think you need to berate someone, but this is crazy.

You got to imagine she's sitting on the wall, right? Just like she stretches her legs out a little bit so you get a good angle. I'm thinking it was like one of these. So you get like a shot of, yeah. That's horrible. No, I mean, I know the setting. I'm so fascinated that Bennett was considering that he caused the blood. Yeah.

What do you think? He stabbed her in the leg? I thought in no world she sent a photo of just bloody period underwear. I guess that's actually a good thing that you were like, that's so offensive that your brain didn't even go there. Like, you just need to be like, yo, I need underwear. And he's like, got it. I agree with you. I would never photograph it.

But if she was like, yo, remember when you stabbed me with that switchblade? I need some underwear. Still bleed. Pop the stitch. Yeah, if there's any other reason, I guess maybe. If it's like blood, I can handle it. Like vein blood. I can't handle pussy blood.

I've handled period blood more times than I can count. Oh, yeah. It's never in underpants. It's usually on my penis. But you go about your day and you clean it up. Yeah. And it's fine. It is whatever.

But I don't need a picture. Just like you don't need a picture of fucking poopy butt. Yeah. Have you guys bought tampons and do you feel weird when you do? That's whatever. But I don't need a picture. Just like you don't need a picture of fucking poopy butt. Yeah. Have you guys bought tampons and do you feel weird when you do? That's crazy. I probably once or twice. I do not give a fuck about that. Yeah, yeah.

I will buy whatever. I don't give a fuck about important people in my life. If you think I give a fuck about a stranger at CVS, I barely care about this jamoke. I think I care about some guy is going to see me holding a box. It's not like I'm putting them in. It's not like I'm doing something weird with the tampons.

You ever fucking put one of these in a bottle of vodka and shoved it up your ass? You gotta live a little, bro. If I am in that position and I see someone thinking it's weird, like I can tell that they're like snickering at me, I would do some shit like that. I'd be like, yeah, man, put these up my asshole all the time. You fucking loser. If you are too insecure to purchase a product that someone else is going to be using, you are a fucking loser.

Now, if it's like I'm buying adult diapers, and it's for me, I might be a little bit afraid. But it's very, very fucking clear. Actually, I don't even care about that. I wouldn't care about that. But if it's very clear that I'm just buying this for my girlfriend,

it's actually a trope in movies and shit. He's embarrassed, right? Yeah, I'll never understand that. I mean, I went through a... He's embarrassed, right? Yeah, I'll never understand that. I mean, I went through a phase of being embarrassed about rubbies. I just... So what I did was I stopped buying them. So I never used them again. I think I did that too, but it was...

That was more just like... Like high school. I was like 15 years old and I shouldn't even be doing this probably, you know? No, I still have like a big pack at my apartment. I bought like the 36 sir from the from the test to see how many you could fit are those condoms what is a rubby a condom yeah yeah i was like thinking you'd give me a context clue and then i'm like okay yeah john john once tried to put as many condoms on his dick as he could how many did you get i got nine

i think but i could have gotten more, but it was just like... Was it just crushing your dick? I was just losing... It wasn't even that. It was just like I was just losing it. Your erection? Yeah, just out of sheer... It's just not attractive. It looked like my dick had a diaper. Yeah.

Dick diaper's not going to keep you on. Because all the lines, they start adding up like that. If you had a girl there keeping you turned on, how many, and you stayed hard? I had help. Do you think you got like 20 more? I wasn't a solo audition. Was she like, she was helping you put them on?

No, she was helping me put them on. Yeah, if she was like fucking flashing her asshole in your face and you were staying hard, do you think you could have got like 20? I've been like, you've got to stop. I'm trying to focus on this fucking condom situation. You're distracting me. Stop distracting me. Stop distracting me from the condom thing. All right, so I think final answer, everyone's the asshole, but she's the heavy asshole.

She's the, yeah, like her flow. You know what I thought about? Yeah. So speaking of that, I guess if you're dating and you live in the same, if you're dating a chick and you live in the same place, you usually sync up, right? Yes. Because if you didn't, wouldn't it just be like everyone's got their period all the time? If you have two girls and you have your PMS this week and then your period and then I have my PMS and then period, that's four fucking weeks.

Who sunk up if you're dating a chick a lesbian couple and they're not synced up they're a lesbian god yeah that's what i meant they would be yeah yeah it would just be period the whole month and it would suck because then yeah everyone but i guess you do eventually sync up but if it was like this is your pre-week and then it's my week and then my pre-week and my week and then we start over again it's a fucking night yeah i can't believe anybody does this oh it's terrible wish i think we wish we didn't have It's my week and then my pre-week and my week. And then we start over again. It's a fucking night. Yeah, it would be constant. I can't believe anybody does this. Oh, it's terrible.

I think we wish we didn't have to do it. Yeah. I bet you do. Yeah, all right, cool. Anything else? I think we did it. Well, good. Anything else you got for us?

You want to ask us or whatever? Oh, you can't tape a boner down. I was just about to ask you. You can, right? No. You said cannot. Cannot. 100% you can. You can't tape a boner down. I was just about to ask you. You can, right? No. You said cannot. Cannot. 100% you can.

You can't tape a boner down. Yes, you could. Wait, wait. Do it with my fucking waistband. That's taping it up. That doesn't count. Oh, down. Yeah, no.

I mean, you could maybe be like a circus freak. Like, okay, so we're talking about an erect penis right now. Correct. Then it's not good. Down. You can tape a soft dick to your leg and it'll probably stay there. Yeah. But you can't.

The only thing we heard was maybe you could take the duct tape and put it around the back of your legs. And it would be strong enough to tape it down. What? That's madness. So my dick is like this. Yes. And you tape around my legs. To keep it down.

To keep it down. Yeah. Because you would need something to keep it down. So I go around my leg, up around this, and back in. Yeah. You serpentine it around. Yeah, you need something. And then it would just be held between my legs.

Down. Flat. Madness. But could you do it? No. No. Madness. If there was like.

Have you tried? If you. Why are we doing this? Why are we taping my dick down? For the massage. But just tape it up. Yeah, you tape it. If there was like ride if you For the massage in Just tape it up. Yeah, you save it up But if you have a blanket on you could see that like that well You can see the dick through a blanket no matter what flush. No, I don't go I don't go under I keep my underpants on your pussy. I will I will I've had

No, you're afraid you're gonna get a boner like Graham. I don't like them. Graham's the boner guy. You're going to be a boner guy too. If a girl was massaging you, if a guy was massaging you, no way you'd get a boner.

Again, I've had two in my life, three in my life. One I was like prepubescent. How young were you? I think it was my 14th birthday.

You had a massager at 14? That's weird, bro. You got a massage around 14? That's weird, bro. It was a place called The Spa up in Vermont. That was another molestation. Six, and it's the list. I think this is a classic Seinfeld episode. George gets a massage from a guy, and he's like, it moves.

Am I gay? And I guess that's what Graham's talking about. You can just get a random boner. It can happen. it moves. Am I gay? And I guess that's what Graham's talking about. We're like, if you, you do, you can just like get a random boner, right? Like it can happen. You could be at a fucking funeral.

You could be, I get most of them. John's at a kid's playground. It happens. You know what I mean? Like, but you can't, but you can't,

you can't control it. But like, I, I, that's when you talk. You got it. Is that what you tuck. You gotta tuck. Is that what I understand? You gotta tuck, yeah.

The waistband tuck is the move. But that clip was funny. Just like, yeah, no, you just automatically get boners when you get a massage. Do you. Do you, G. Whatever works for you, bro. Yeah, the internet did not agree. That's one of those things.

I'll fall asleep. Maybe I'll get a REM cycle boner. But my last massage was you had to wake me up. Yeah, that happens too. We're done. Oh, alright. That was a waste of fucking money. Yeah, that sucks when you fall asleep. You're like, I didn't even enjoy this shit. But yeah, I mean,

I think you can... many people can get through a massage without a boner. Yeah, it's sounding like the majority of people can. Yo, cool. Your husband's got a hard dick, bro. I married the one that can't get through the massage. No more massage. out of honor yeah it's sounding like like the majority of people can like yo cool like your husband's got a hard dick bro i married the one that can't get through the massage like he's always ready always he's got that dick on he keeps that thing on him you don't have to get ready if you stay ready dude you know sean watson over here it's no big deal

man um okay the only other thing i have to ask you Is if you guys were out and a girl took something From you and then To keep it as collateral I think Do you get that? Do you get the context of that? Yeah yeah yeah I do but I want to hear it to be refreshed You're out at the bar and then you're like

Let me see your phone like you just met Out at the bar and she's like let me see your phone Like we'll take a selfie and then she accidentally puts it in her pocket So she has to circle back to you later So you're talking about Oh, out at the bar. Out at the bar. She's like, let me see your phone. Like we'll take a selfie. And then she accidentally puts it in her pocket so she has to circle back to you later. So you're talking about stealing my phone at the bar. You'd get half a step away from me. You're stealing my phone? You've got better luck with my wallet, my keys. Sunglasses.

You take my phone. I'm pulling on your hair. Yanking you back. Give me that shit. You get my phone. I'm not going to not notice my phone. I'll tell you this much. You're not touching my phone.

Okay, true. Wallet. What if she had your wallet? You like that move or no? No. I'll tell you this much. You're not touching my phone. Okay, true. Wallet? What if she had your wallet? You like that move or no? No, I think it's stupid. Okay. I think it's like a little playful

if you got home with someone and then you... I think, I guess it's more the leave behind than the steal, you know, where it's like, oh, I left my jewelry there

or something. And it's like, we all know what you're doing, but I'm cool with it, you know? I think just bothering me by taking some shit at the bar is annoying. Like, what if I had to go and it's like, we all know what you're doing, but I'm cool with it. You know, I think just bothering me by taking some shit at the bar is annoying. Like, what if I had to go and it's like, oh, fuck it on my wall. That chick stole my fucking wallet.

I would. I would. That's a sign I'd miss, too. She brought back my credit card. She's like, by the way, sorry, I had this. I'm like, oh, no big deal. It's all good. Yeah.

John. John had like an story about theinking whiskey with that girl or no? Which one? The one that you totally missed Like you just left Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah I said it was the reason I clipped that one John had this like intimate moment

This unbelievable Like New York City movie moment He's getting a nightcap at the end of the night By himself I was out to dinner with my parents They went back to their hotel Goes to like a New York City Like hole in the wall

Gets a whiskey He's sitting Goes to like a New York City like hole in the wall, gets a whiskey, he's sitting there, and like a girl totally his style, like half a head shaved, tattoos. Full head shaved. Full head shaved, tattoos. Nose piercings. Nose piercings. Like his girl comes up to him and is like she pulls up

and like has a whiskey with him too, and they have like this amazing conversation like two or three rounds deep. He was like, we'll have one more, and then I'll go. And they end up staying. And then he was like, all right, see you later. And just fucking left. Oh, my god. I believe her name was Tina.

Tina. She's the one. Have you found her? Has she responded? No. I think Ari Shafir said he was going to find her. It was an East Village bar named fucking, I forget what it was. We could, but he's a fucking lazy bum.

He just missed it. It's too late now. I like got up and was like, all right, see you later. Like, dab it up, bro. She was on the side of me, but I was like, hit her shoulder. All right, catch you later. She probably was like, what? What just happened?

And I bet the bartender and everyone else was too. Yeah, but guess what? That girl's like. But that is true. That girl will remember him for the rest of her life. In a terrible way, though. Like, fuck. Sparks flew.

That's like your girl. I didn't initiate the conversation. I was content having a nightcap by myself. I was playing on my phone. And then she was like, so what do you do? And I think I didn't tell her what I did. I was like, I play the piano. I think playing the piano is cool.

Fuck you guys. No, playing the piano is cool fuck you guys no the piano playing the piano is definitely cool but the and then we just we talked for I don't know we talked for I think

three drinks that's a long fucking time very long time you know that that means it was like it's more than just like small talk you probably were talking

like not deep talk she was from she was from Colombia oh hi papi like like like born there but like raised here Not deep talk. She was from Columbia. Oh! Hi, Papi! Like, born there, but raised here. She moved here when she was sub-10.

You're such a pussy. You ran out of there because you were afraid. Probably, yeah. That's your type, though. Like, shaved head, tats. You're not kidding. Not always a shaved head. This girl pulled it off.

There was an era that was more when that half-head shave thing was hot. I was big into that. Not so much anymore. I feel like I see it now. I'm like, you're just late to the track. Yeah. I'm exactly that. You're just late.

Like 2000 and late. Unless you're just really hot. Then it doesn't matter what you do. Then it's like, you can do whatever the fuck you want. But yeah. No, that was a mess up. That was a fuck up. We can do it.

Yeah. Do you wish you had her number? I don't really care. Okay. I mean, I had forgot it happened until Kevin just brought it up again. So I would not say it doesn't weigh heavy on my mind. He doesn't lose sleep over anything. Nothing weighs heavy on your mind, which is an amazing trait to have.

Yeah, that's awesome. Stupidity is beautiful. He's a golden retriever. I forgot. That's why I matched energy like I was saying earlier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boom! Boom!

Boom! If we're just chilling, I'm going to sleep on the couch. If we're fighting, boom! All right. We'll wrap it up here. Mean Girls Pod on all everything YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, all that shit. Just Alex Bennett and Jordan Woodruff

are the handles. Correct. We'll put them up here so everybody go follow them and give the podcast a listen. Thank you, girls. Thank you, guys. We'll do it another time

but we want you to answer the internet too. Oh, that'd be so fun. We would love that. Cool. All right. Now for our interview with Nimesh Patel. Nimesh is the man. You're going to very much enjoy it. And you're going to down there? The creamsicle flavored chews over here.

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3CHI.com Use code STOOL5 5% off. You will not regret it. I promise. What's up, dude? Oh, sorry. We did our best to clean. Just fucking

throw it in the trash. What's the word, man? How are you, dude? Good, good. Tired. Oh, yeah? Oh, dude? Good, good. Tired. Just got back from Montreal. Oh, yeah? Yeah, yeah. Oh, right, right, right.

Good time. That's, um... Beat up. Yeah? Is it a good time up there? No, yeah. People partying? You've never been up there?

No, never have been. It's a wild time. You hit any new room? What's that? You hit any new room? What's a new room? The new room massage spots? No, no, no.

Oh, come on. You can tell me, dude. I know what this shit is. A new me dude we were just talking about it because what the fuck's a new room they're known for their strip clubs and their massages and whatnot i've been to i've been to montreal for that reason of like checking out strip clubs and stuff for a bachelor party i was like all these women feel trafficked. Dude, it does. I feel like when a place is really known for it,

it makes you go like, wait, what's going on here? Why do I want to do this? Every city has strip clubs. Why can't they just be normal? Why do you have to be the capital of it? It's like if you're

in Alabama football. You're scouting junior high kids. You're handing kids contracts that they can't get out of and shit like that. It's not fun. It is a problem. But I went to one recently.

I'm 33 now. This is probably 30, 31. I was a strip club guy when I was like 17, and then I kind of grew out of it. And we went to one probably in our early 30s, and we went before dinner. We were like, we got to check it off the box, say we did it. And we got in there. We all had one beer. We're like, let's get the fuck out of here. say we did it. Yeah. And we got in there. We all had one beer. We're like, let's get the fuck out of here.

In Montreal? Yeah. Yeah, it's not fun. It feels like something you grow out of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You throw toonies at them. What are we doing? So what's the word, man?

You got this new special out. I do. It's called Thank You China. Thank You China. Yes, sir. What's the title about exactly? Well, I've been touring for the last year and a half all because of TikTok. Yeah.

Okay. So TikTok is really what did it. It is. 100% I owe it all to TikTok. It's just like. Just doing your comedy clips? All my stand-up. There's no dancing.

That's fucking crazy. There's no talking to camera. Yeah, because I feel like TikTok usually, you almost got to play by the rules a little bit use their fucking i don't know features and edits and all that and do do the trends but you're just doing your comedy i got i've been very fortunate in that uh you know i've been doing stand-up for a while you know 13 years now and i've been at the cellar for like i think since 2016 and the cellar has been very proactive about like recording all sets and giving those if you request them that you get those sets from on tape and i've just been like once pandemic once like

shit shut down i started putting all my clips up on youtube and then once tiktok became a thing my wife was like you should get on it and i was like all right and then i didn't really listen and my boy told me he's like you should i was like okay fine it's always the way shout out to my wife I'm sorry it's always the way it's like you almost need to in a relationship

you need to convince the other person that it's their idea you know what I mean because if you say it shit ain't happening yeah yeah yeah so then

like I started putting all my clips out I think in like I want to say like November December 21 and I don't want to say overnight,

but like this was also because like TikTok was still allowed in India. That like one of my first clips went like mega viral, like 500,000 views. And I only had like, you know, 500 followers by that point. And so I was like, oh, this is a good idea. Just something like a, I didn't think it could help build me a tour.

People's shit was still locked down. I was just like, let me just keep adding because there's no cost to it necessarily. I already have the clips. I can edit them myself, throw them out. And what ended up happening was around April of 21, sorry, in November of 2020, I started putting stuff out. April 21, i had uh i had a show scheduled in houston and i was like let me see if i can use tick tock to drive ticket sales to houston like let me see if i can use my stand-up clips put some copy on them that will

help drive tickets to houston and we went from a 70-person show show, to four 200-person shows in Houston. Holy shit, with one TikTok? With like, not one clip, but just like a series of clips with the mission of being, let me drive ticket sales. And it ended up, and it was like, oh shit, this is a real thing. My manager was like, we got to get you an agent. And then, you know, a shout out to my manager, Reg Tigerman, and my agent that came on board, TJ Mark Walter, who was just like, I know what's happening

right here. I see the vision. Let's fucking get on it. And we went from like no tour dates in April of 2021 to like, I just sold out

the wheelbarrow last week. Dude, congratulations. That is fucking unbelievable. That is awesome. Yeah, it felt pretty good. It's weird.

When TikTok, I was so wrong on TikTok because when it was going bananas, I was like, these numbers are too big. Yeah. This has got to be the Click Farms and the Chinese this and that. And then when the D'Amelio girls were at the mall or something, Charlie and her sister are at the top. They have like 100 million followers on there. But they do all the dancing and shit.

They got mobbed like they were the fucking Beatles at a mall. And that was the one thing that I did. I was like, you'll be able to make money off of this. You have followers and numbers and shit. People pay for that all the time. But I don't know if any of this is tangible because it just feels like inflated numbers. It's crazy. When I saw how much people get mobbed or how much it moves tickets, it's like it's actually

the most tangible of all the apps because it translates to to sales or whatever you want more than anything it took a while for me to uh realize just who was on tiktok because that you know like the my initial hesitancy was like 36 years old oh me too man i mean it was like i'm not 12 years on here it almost felt like creepy i was like i don't want to be viewed as some like pervert and it's like no you're just a bad business man well then i realized you know what i'm not on it to view shit i'm just to put my stuff out there and whoever ends up coming to the shows because of it or watching my videos because of it that's all net positive and then i started doing shows and it was just like yep everybody's on tiktok yeah normal people of all ages every ages every demo like 80 year

olds have come to my shows from t ages every demo like 80 year olds have come to my shows from tiktok and like 19 years ago my show that that whole fucking nuts that whole like uh image of tiktok is maybe it's still out there but it's it's it's just wrong no it's either dead or wrong because it's like it just is the most mindless like you turn it on it just goes and they just swipe you can do that whether you're 11 or 111. Yeah, it's beautiful. Is there rebranding right now of the educational system, educational platform? They're saying TikTok is saying that.

TikTok commercials are now hashtag TikTok taught me. Well, you know what? See, that's the problem. You know, Google gave an internal talk not too long ago, maybe like two or three weeks ago, and they were talking about how TikTok is going to – they're concerned that TikTok is going to eat their lunch when it comes to search. Granted, Google is still like the biggest search engine of all time and remains like a huge market player. But more and more people of a certain age group are going to TikTok to find like reviews and find like how to do shit because it's an immediate video. It's instant.

It's so – it's like Google is one click video one click away read it yeah tiktok is is you don't even have to click once like google you have to click one more time for the review i mean it's there it is it is crazy it is funny watching those tiktok hacks because in the beginning there were some funny things where it's like you learn something about how your dishwasher works or a feature on your phone that you never knew and now they're we're like scraping the bottom of the barrel where people are like did you know that like this lighter produces fire like yeah fucking man we did we knew this already everyone's trying to get on and catch this wave and i'm just very fortunate that i got i got on very early you did it in in a natural way, too, because I really – I do anybody – like, whatever your grind is, get your hustle on, get there, get to the finish line, however. Right.

But when you're, like, doing the dances and shit, when you're not a teenager, it's like – Yeah, yeah. Can't we find an age-appropriate way to do it? So many – Good on you for just doing it through comedy. I had to just put – it's because I'm, like, not talented in any other way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know that feeling too. You know what I mean?

Like we can't, we can't sing, we can't dance, we can't do any of this shit. We can just do this. I can do stand up. Well, my favorite part is like,

sometimes I'll read the comments and when I, before I had a team, like a social media team doing it, uh, I would read some comments and like, big mistake, big, huge mistake.

But they're like, you, you can't do stand-up and now go it's like a 40 year old man with like him and his daughter like doing like the saddest shit ever i'm like bro what who hey first of all you're a terrible father like spending your time on tiktok talking shit to someone just doing whatever the fuck they want and second of all you have seven videos a collective of like 600 views like get off my dick bro every time like reading because you because you will get mad.

Yes. And then you'll click and you'll be like, I'm such an idiot for getting mad. But that won't change you from getting mad. No. You'll still think about that guy fucking forever. Yep. It won't be like, oh, never mind. It's out of my mind now.

You don't release it. No. You're still fighting a teenager or a middle-aged mom or whatever the fuck it is. Come on. I got to get mad at myself. I'm like, man, why did I do that to my man? That's exactly what I do. I get fucking real mad at myself.

That's why I stop. But there's a part in the new special, Thank You China, where you talk about when you were pre-med at NYU. Yes, sir. And you made something that I was hoping you were going to go more on, and you didn't. But you failed at Chem Lab because you made something that was cocaine adjacent. Oh, yeah, man.

I mean, that's a true story. Talk to me about that. Talk to me about oh yeah man i mean that's a true story that's how one makes that that's a true story i wish i could remember the formula but it was i can walter white over yeah if i get done with tiktok i just mixed some i mixed some yeah tiktok taught me how to make cocaine uh i mixed something in this underneath the hood you guys have taken a lab before where there's like a hood that i don't know that i have oh okay i didn't i didn't make it too far there's a hood that like sucks all I don't know that I have. I didn't make it too far in school. There's a hood that like sucks all the bad gases out. Yeah, I definitely haven't done that.

And there was some reaction. No, you're pretty bad at NYU. Yeah, we don't go to that regular school, man. I took high school chemistry. We looked at rocks. We legit looked at rocks. Yeah, yeah. That was it.

I missed a step somewhere, and there was some reaction that was supposed to be happening, and it wasn't happening. So I just added a little extra stuff. And I was like, is it happening? I inhaled it, and immediately my heart was like... And I went home after... I had to leave the lab.

Crying in your teeth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I started talking real fast for no reason. I went home, and I Googled what reactions happened because of this. And this is like a narcotic adjacent thing. I was like, oh, I just made accidental cocaine. And it was like, all right, I failed that lab. I got C plus and then that was it.

Pre-med was gone. Were you doing comedy at the same time? No, no. I started in 09. I graduated in 08 with a finance degree. Obviously, the funniest thing you could do in 08. And then I didn't recruit to like an investment bank uh all my friends were like recruiting like uh you know big banks

a small bank middle i didn't i had two super days i'm not sure if you're you said you're yeah but i don't know what a super day is super day is when you do uh like five interviews at the same place so you go through like the analyst associate the the managing director. It is guerrilla. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I did two of those. I didn't recruit to either one of those places. And then after that, when I graduated, I had no job. And I was like, what the fuck am I going to do? All my friends are like, not going to do undergrad. NYU Stern, pre-med finance.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So all my elective classes were pre-med classes. And my major was finance. And so when I dropped pre-med i was like i'll just do finance and then turns out like finance is not as easy as it is as it may seem like it's because all my friends were like super smart i'm like oh i can also do that no they were like a lot smarter than i was right and so i graduated oh wait no job nothing i was like what am i gonna do i was underemployed at bloomberg making like 20 an hour, which is decent money, but not for someone who spent relative to what I should have been making.

And then I was like, what the fuck am I going to do with my life? I took this goofy writing class, like a very sappy writing class at NYU. I was like, this is sad. Why am I doing this? I've answered that class too. No, for real. Like after graduating? I never graduated but i

was taking a writing class at nyu when i started working here i like once i got a job here like an internship here yeah i just stopped going to that class writing personal essays that's what the class was like this is fucking corny as shit and then uh uh i forget i wish i could remember the exact moment i was like i want to go get on stage. So you started in 23, something like that? Yeah, I guess I was 23 years old. Which is not like old, but a lot of times you hear about comics who are like, I was 12 years old getting up at the comics at the school fair or whatever the fuck it is. Chappelle and a few other people started super early in their teens and stuff.

No, I didn't even know that stand-up comedy was something i could pursue necessarily until like oh nine i saw russell peters his first special come out and i think 2004 like it leaked on youtube i remember like that was the first special that i could share with my parents and that me and my to this day uh one of my close friends we were floor mates at that time the only other indian person on the floor was my friend and he was like yo come here it's like you've seen this and i was like no i haven't seen it we pulled it up and at that time. The only other Indian person on the floor was my friend. And he was like, yo, come here. I was like, you seen this? And I was like, no, I haven't seen it. And we pulled it up.

And at that point, it had less than like a million views on YouTube, which was huge, though, at the time, in 2004. And we watched it. It's like, yo, that's fucking hilarious. And we died of laughter. Flash forward five years later, like in the back of my head, it's like, Russell Peters did it. Maybe I could get on stage, too. That's an interesting mindset, because I feel like there are people, I feel like I watch something awesome and I'm like, that's cool. Wow, I imagine being able to do that versus like I'm going to go do that.

Yeah. That's a – I don't know how many people have that mindset. But like I think most people see something awesome and they're just like, I could never. Yeah. And those people who can are so dope. I agree. I had that – I probably had that same mentality in 04 when I saw that.

Like, oh, that's fucking dope. I'll never do that. Come 2009, I'm like, why wouldn't i be able to do that how do i do it and then i just googled the first open mic i found in new jersey was stress factory in new brunswick vinnie brand's club and uh it was a bringer mic and luckily i had know, 16 first cousins all with me. All in a very close distance. Packed to join out. I was a ringer for, I mean, I had my people there. And I stacked the deck and I did. That to me though, I know it's about bringing people through the door to get stage time and shit. But I feel like my first times, I would not want my people there.

I would want strangers to like mom and not be made fun of. I had unnecessary confidence. And unearned confidence at the time. I'm sure my friends would be supportive because they're friends, but I feel like bombing in front of my friends is the worst thing I would ever do. To this day, I don't want them to come to my shows. I don't like friends and family at my shows. I'm just like, please no.

I had plenty. I did so many bringers, and I had such a deep bench of friends that would come out to Gotham and all those places that require bringers and like i had such a deep uh bench of friends that would come out to like gotham and all those places require bringers and slowly over time that number all right we get it man we don't want to spend 45 to see you anymore uh but you know very early on like all my nyu friends i stayed friends with and friends with to this day like they came out in support i remember well the same indian friend that we watched the russell peters special together i remember him like getting kicked out of an open mic.

He was drunk and heckling. It was so much fun. I just looked back very fondly at those days. I feel like stand-up in the Indian community and world is huge, right? It's gotten bigger. Yeah, big names are coming out. And I feel like it's – I don't know if it's like is it newer over there or has it been always a thing or i just feel like i'm hearing more indian comics and i'm seeing more

um like indian you know like fans and like it's just growing and i think uh i think we're at um at least in indian american comedy like there's uh there's been a bit older obviously you know there's aziz russell um hasan, Mindy, et cetera. But in the Indian landscape, it's really pretty new, the art form itself. You know, there's Vir Das and there's a billion other comedians who are now coming up. But it's kind of crazy to see how quickly it's accelerated. Like it's gone. And there's a billion people. So it's a little easier to sell shows.

I mean, pack shows out. It's a little easier to sell shows I mean pack shows out but it's a little bit of a cheat code I mean you still gotta get the job done but when you do it well you know

instead of selling a hundred you're selling a thousand instead of a thousand you're selling five thousand instead of you know Indians are a very artistic people

and they love creativity they love doing you know like Bollywood is as big as it is because Indians love expression and art. And this is just another art form that they could take advantage of and have a lot of fun with. And they love the language. And Hindi itself is a beautiful language. So, like, there's tons of wordplay that could be done there.

And then masters of English like Vir Das and Aditi Mithil and a bunch of other comics who who were out there. I was just fucking crushing the game. I don't know much about the Indian stand-up landscape outside of my friends and what's happened over there with censorship. I was going to say, that's the other. You think that shit is bad here. Forget about it. It's fucking nuts over there, bro. You go to jail. Like, Vir Das has been harassed and facing jail time and all that kind of shit

because of the stuff he said. Excuse me. Who was the comedian Akash was talking about? Yes, my guy. Shout out to Akash Singh. He wanted to do a documentary about a comedian who's in jail right now. Yeah, I don't remember his name. I don't know. Akash was going to go over and I think he's in jail or facing jail time

and wants to do a doc exposing what that struggle is like. That would be fucking dope as shit for Akash to do. Funny, man. Akash, if censorship is a problem over there, Akash better not go perform over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Our boy's going to be locked up. He's not going to do good in jail. You see those pretty eyes? He's pretty mean. I was talking to Veer about this the other day because I was like, in Montreal, actually, I was like, I would be a little concerned about going there only because I know who I am instinctually. Is this to be rude and mean to authority? He's like, you'll be fine.

Just keep your American passport on you at all times. They won't fuck with Americans. Hanging on my neck. Hell yeah. Gold. Power Christ compels you. yeah i think the scene is i can't i want to go tour in india at some point and i can't wait to be able to do that yeah that's it's it's got to be a a huge opportunity in market but also just like a you know meaningful thing experience yeah you know i have a lot of fans on youtube who

a lot of fans would meet me in person and they have that indian accent i'm like how did you hear about me and like youtube i'm like oh shit like i have a huge fan base in india because of youtube like tiktok is banned so like everyone's on youtube and people like way man when they when they see him here like you gotta do shit in india i'm like i'm coming i gotta figure that out you you just said accent which reminded me of another part of your special. Again, thank you, China. Very funny. Go watch it. Thank you, please. Where the woman in the front

row asked where your accent's from. Did she mean like where in the tri-state area? I think, I imagine, I mean, it's just like... Bergen County? I've gotten a lot of like why is your voice so deep and why do you have like a southern drawl and I can't explain

either one uh the drawl i can when i'm trying to like deliver a special like the way i was i just slow down in my speech and maybe that's it uh but yeah she was i can't even talk about that lady like it's i was like i was like what that was the least egregious thing she had done that evening you know like she I cut it from the special. We were debating whether or not it would be a funny blooper. But at the end of the special, she was sitting in front row. I came back out for an encore. And she threw a note on the stage saying,

I'm writing a book about Patels. Would you want to be in it? And I opened the notebook. and it's like pink ink and it's like and i asked her like how old are you and she said 28 i'm like you're way too old to be acting like this do you realize where this fucking this is a very expensive show you know i mean like it's like five six cameras that are like cost a lot of money like you think this is some bullshit that's crazy on a night you know On the night you're doing your special, somebody could fuck it up.

There was some entitled bullshit. She messaged me after like, so you want to be part of it? I blocked her. I was so annoyed. No, I hate you. I'm sorry for bringing it up. I want to sabotage you.

No, no, it's fine. I mean, I'm not mad about it anymore, but I was just like in the moment, I was like, who the fuck? Had the cameras not been running like had I had the cameras not been running and had I not been concerned about going

over union time like I would have just talked to this lady for so long just like destroyed everything about it well this is the problem though when you start

to tour and you do start to sell tickets and you're all over the country and the world is you see a lot of people and people

fucking suck people are bad people are bad that should be people fucking suck people are bad people are bad that should be the second special people are bad uh yeah that that is that's what i'll tell you another art form you should get in with that voice is do some voiceover shit cartoons and movies commercials and shit that voice is golden over pandemic funny bring it up over pandemic my friend mookie thompson and a very funny young man, old man, we made a cartoon called Zoo Idiots.

It's also on YouTube. Please go watch it. But I play a pansexual tiger. And the whole cartoon is about, like, all the humans have disappeared. You know how all the humans disappeared and, like, Van Nesson was, like, dolphin swimming in the canal and shit?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what would animals do? He took over. Yeah, if humans took over took over i mean if animals took over a zoo and the whole take was just like it becomes kind of like not 1984 uh animal farm you know it's like we're trying to allegorize that and it was just so much fun to do and i started with no mookie directed me from doing no kind of voiceover work to like I could channel my gay Tony Tiger if I really needed to. And it was a lot of fun to do and to explore that range of stuff.

Dude, that's the money, man. I wish. Pop in, talk for a couple hours, get out. Oh, yeah. But it's so hard. That's not discount. No, no. We've been talking about that recently actually with a couple other interviews where I think

it was like it's in our form in its own right. Yes. And then all of a sudden every celebrity just got attached to a Disney one and it was like it it's in our form in its own right yes and then all of a sudden every celebrity just got attached to a disney one and it was like oh this is so easy and the pendulum kind of goes back and forth it's like it's not as easy as people make it out to be but it's also an actor you know it requires a lot of acting i am a terrible actor i i know i would leave uh mookie's apartment slash studio where he built this voiceover studio, dejected.

Just like, man, I ain't shit. Because he would berate me. No, no, no. At the beginning of it, he's like, you got to memorize the lines. What the fuck is wrong? You fucking feel it in your gut. I'm like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, bro. I didn't go to fucking Juilliard. Relax, man. That's what you say.

You got one talent and that's it's hard man stand up comedy but we we had a lot of fun my voice could I have a lot of range

in this way I can do this really quick like people can't it's like a very hard thing to do yeah I can go dude there's money in that man there's money in that for sure

maybe if someone's listening I could do body armor shout out to Kobe Bryant or whatever it is whatever you need was Kobe a body armor guy? Yeah, this was his brand, wasn't it? Was it?

This is the one that he sold posthumously that his stake got like $400 million for. No shit. Dude, it still fucks me up. I saw a video of Kobe talking to Bill Russell when he died the other day. I don't know for whatever reason, because there's been celebrity deaths and athlete deaths, and unfortunately people come and go all the time. It does not make sense to me that Kobe is just off the earth. He's just not here anymore.

That's fucking so weird. Kobe's death affected me. Kobe's my favorite athlete. I remember it was January 26th that he passed away. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, yeah. We were coming home from the Super Bowl. We got off the plane.

As soon as everyone got service, it started to. It went up. And it was like, no, is it going to be a hoax or whatever? And I was like, fuck. And then they said the helicopter. I was like, Kobe does take a helicopter everywhere. He fucking hates traffic. And I was like, I remember sat down thinking like, Kobe's dead?

Crazy. He's dead. That whole crew is dead. No way. I was in shock like that whole crew is dead no way I was in shock that whole day I was upset and I saw Ari Shafir

like a week or two later yeah Ari doing what Ari does and I shook his hand it was after he'd been in a lot of heat and I shook his hand and I said

if it isn't the man that killed Kobe Bryant I just remember we had such a good laugh about it. You would think so. It's all right, man. It's for real. Kobe skipping that LA traffic

was some real, you didn't die to him or live long and become the villain with all this stuff today. I had that, I had that, I had a Kobe joke,

I mean, I have a Kobe joke in the special, but I had, I was doing a Kobe joke for a minute about like, that's the only thing that he couldn't beat was traffic,

you know, it's just like, people, people, you can't beat LA traffic. Yeah, I got a lot of groans from it but i also had like kobe fans like yo man kobe fans are also comedy fans yeah i fucking love kobe bryan well you see all this uh a couple a couple headlines the past week was kylie using her private jet to fly like 15 minutes she flew from one side of la to the other in a private jet.

And Taylor got hit. Taylor Swift used her plane 170 times in six months. And it's all about fucking the environment and pollution and shit. Yeah, I mean, everyone's going to pick a victim or a culprit that's easy to take down. There's no way that anyone can really, on the inside, really be upset about that. I refuse to believe that. I just say to them, just take one jet. One time. One time.

If you got the money for the jet, I will fly to the fucking grocery store on my jet. It's awesome. It's fucking amazing. It is awesome. I'm not trying to brag, but I've been on once or twice. It's like, man, I've got to get here. And once you do it, you're like i can't i gotta go back to the line yeah fucking security and the this and that it's you know how many drugs i brought on

plane just just just because you can't i don't even do drugs i made some shit it was cocaine like i brought it on my plane with me i don't even know all these people just need to fly one plane and you would never go back bro i was saying it is fun when i like we we you know there's obviously uh you know like uh social issues that people fight for that are are worthy and and and stick and matter for a long time yeah and then there's always that one or two du jour where it's like we really care about how often a celebrity takes their jet yeah oh you don't then today's is fucking Gordon Ramsay. Oh, this is kind of funny, though.

It's funny. It's a little, I mean, I don't give a shit. I'm never offended, but I was like, whoa, dude. He's getting a lamb. It's on TikTok. I think NBC put it out. It's him picking a lamb, and it's implied he's going to kill the lamb.

It's not implied. He's walking in going, which one of you are going to get slaughtered? Oh, he says that implied. He's walking in going, which one of you are going to get slaughtered? Oh, he says that? Oh, yeah. No, no. He says it. He goes, which one are you going to eat? That's the nicest thing he's said in a very long time, I imagine.

That's fantastic. Who's going first but it's like people get mad about that one where do you think you should see the fucking like a purdue chicken farm you want to see you want to see fucking what the evil people do i I know, I know, man. But, I mean, we don't have to celebrate fucking slaughtering little lambs, dude. Dude, we don't have to get mad. Getting mad about that is genuine. No, I would never get mad about it. Where do you think all the meat came from? Also, it is a weird move, unless he was like, let's just fuck up the internet today. Why are they killing lambs?

Why don't you just buy it at the supermarket? Yeah, it's not like people look at the meat in the rack like, oh, yes, I can't wait to eat that. It's a nice cut of meat. Yeah, it's not like people look at the meat like in the rack like oh yes i can't wait to eat that one step remove yeah it's one step removal like they can act some poor little calf for that dude um also part of your story is this uh this battle of cancer right yes sir yes sir uh i'm talking about it on tour i don't want to reveal too much about it yeah uh that's what my next special is gonna be called thank you god at the working titles thank you god right now but uh i got very lucky with my diagnosis i got i was i was telling a friend of mine the other day i went from uh uh painting my balls to surgery in five days including saturday sund Yeah, it was like lightning fast. I talk a lot of shit about the healthcare system on

Thank You China. For as evil and as fucked up and exploitative and all the other pejorative adjectives you can think of that apply to healthcare system, American healthcare system is so fast if you have cancer

and if you have insurance, rather, that it's just like i was like in and out and you know i had some connections you know my cousins are doctors so i've made some phone calls to see what we can do and yeah i'm very grateful i think i had i think i think i have testicular cancer for the rest of the day i'm gonna keep being like is that a pain what is that i tell every do i'm like there's no excuse to not touch your balls anymore just feel your balls now did you tell people about it? I was, so my special dropped,

my special, I recorded it in December 2021. And I was like, as a comic, I'm like, I never want to do any of that material ever again. But come January through April of 2022, I still had like 30 shows lined up, you know, 30 dates. I'm like, fuck, what the, what am I going to talk about for an hour if I don't want to do any of this hour ever again and then like cancer and then like fucking cancer

january i was just like on on stage with notes i fucking around like talking bullshit talking to crowd and stuff february first week balls hurt five days later surgery and i'm like they fuck up your diagnosis at first didn't they say say it was nothing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. And then, well, they didn't fuck it up. It was just like that. All the indicators indicated that's what it was. It wasn't.

They didn't make a mistake necessarily. They just didn't have a complete picture. Got it. And that's why the doctor that ordered. But they had said to you like it's probably going to be nothing? Yeah, yeah. And even my urologist said the same thing. Shit.

But that's because what the math was indicating. But then I did the blood work, and I was like, oh, they were wrong. But that first week of February, once that happened, I was like, literally, I can show you my phone. It's just like I was taking notes every day because I knew I had just been gifted from God. How sick is that? I tell people all the time, we're not comics, but just doing the podcast all the time, that when something bad happens to me, my first thought is usually,

this sucks, but sometimes my first thought is, this is going to be good on the show. Yes. And that is, this is the ultimate one, cancer, the big kahuna,

to be like, this is going to be easy. Yes. Easy, light work. It literally was. I said that same phrase, it's light work it literally was I said that like literally I said that same phrase it's light work

to just be like I had six days seven days of just like literally just taking notes of what's happening during the day and like within

and I can say confidently I wrote you know 30 to 40 minutes of what I have in this hour in those six days

you know just like banging notes out like jokes jokes, jokes, jokes, reiterating, reiterating to myself. I'm just like, I was so happy. Struggling comic? Just get cancer, bro. Because, you know, like, you know, of all the cancers you get,

testicular cancer is like, quote, unquote, the best one. And I had the best version of testicular cancer in that, you know, it hadn't spread. You know, my CAT scan is actually literally tomorrow uh because you got to get one every six months uh for the next 10 years or so uh when was this what the the cancer top of february oh this is February yeah like six months ago oh jesus yeah yeah that's five more reasons i thought and uh uh what's it called like I was so lucky and so fortunate, but the whole time I was thinking

the same thing. I was like, life is about balance, man. Like, something's going to happen. My grandpa died four days before I shot Thank You China.

And like, I had already lined this up, but I'd had like- And this is the grandpa that you told your first joke to? Exactly. Yeah. And it was like,

you know, I had like, last year was, you know, granted I did SNL and I did the Oscars. Chris Rock told me I was funny. Those are all like very huge highlights from my career. But from a stand-up perspective, 2021 was the best year of my life as a stand-up comedian.

Like I had achieved the dream of like people know me. People respect me as a stand-up comedian. Fans respect me as a stand-up comedian. I'm selling out shows. This is incredible. I have a special lined up to tape December 12, 2021. December 8, my grandpa passes away. I'm like, I was okay.

He was 95. So I was like, okay, like this was, it was time. And I understand what was going on. But it was that same idea of just like, I was due for this. You know, like life is about balance. Like this is what happens. Like, and like, so it's important to just stay like kind of even balance like this is what happens like and like so it's important to just stay like kind of even keeled no matter what happens in your life and then come

february i got cancer the first thought was i didn't even think like and i'd say this 100 honestly like i was never even scared or mad or anything for a second i was just like i got to be right here this entire time because A, everyone around me is kind of panicking, right? B, but more importantly, I was like,

I knew that my life has been just like some giant, like weird universe giving and taking away from me. So it's like, okay. Something's got to even out.

Yeah, yeah. It's got to even out and I thank God for A, being healthy, but you know, for the cancer,

so now I can have this new hour. Shout out cancer. Thank you, cancer. Thank you, China. Thank you, cancer. but you know for the cancer so now i can have this new hour shout out thank you cancer thank you china thank you can't that's really unbelievable well it wasn't you didn't like hopefully go through too much pain and stuff like you got to it quickly it was so fast man it was so fast and uh uh i don't have a joke about it just yet um but you know this is what the doctor told me such that you know like we we were the doctor and i were reflecting afterwards he's like thank thank god you listen to your body because cancer testicular cancer doesn't present with pain i'm

not sure if you're aware of this like it normally just it presents as a heaviness so that's why dudes like really ignore heavy because it's a mass, yeah. And you'll feel a mass on your end. But I just had randomly some kind of pain. And I had a hernia like six years ago. So in my head, I was thinking, man, I just re-aggravated this shit. Whenever I have a massive tour coming up or whenever I'm doing something I want to be in shape for, I go a little too heavy at the gym. A tour or something?

Yeah, yeah. So six years ago, I was prepping for the Oscars. I'm like, I'm going to be in Hollywood. i go a little too heavy at the gym and i like or something yeah yeah so six years ago like i was right prepping for the oscars i'm like i'm gonna be at the in hollywood i'm i was doing back rows and i had a hernia i remember that pain being like a very sharp pain in my balls i mean if you ever had an urinary before but that hurt and this was like not that but it was similar and that was sharp pain in my balls. I'm like, I probably just re-aggravated it. Like this is a surgery that you can kind of put off for a little bit. And I was going to be off the road in April, so I'll just wait until April.

But that night when I came back home from my birthday dinner with my wife and sister, I was like, fuck. This ain't right, man. And I was like, let's just go to the hospital like worst thing they tell me is that it's a hernia and then i could just wait and then they'll fix it i'll fix it later nope 2 a.m i'll go to the hospital 5 a.m my life is entirely different that's fucking nuts yeah yeah that is a trip dude my brother was so fat when he was a baby he he couldn't stop getting hernias. Whenever he moved his own body, he'd get a hernia.

He was too fat. I probably got like three hernias before I turned six months old. That's fucking hilarious. I had a hernia when I was two. The first time I had a hernia, I was two years old. And it came back to haunt me not like maybe three months ago because like so after after what's it called surgery shit and like cancer settled down like this past april i went uh to uh i was watching i got tickets to see the celtics play the nets like the closeout game yeah i went with uh some of my friends who got the tickets and was like you want to come let's get

let's go i'm eating uh have you ever been to Barclays? You've been to Barclays Center. You know that. Dude. Go ahead. Can I bitch about Barclays real quick? Please. I went to Barclays recently for WWE.

Okay. Not personally a huge fan, but I don't know why I felt compelled to say that, but I did it. And we were fucked up. We would have been fine knowing. That was fucked up. I don't know. Wrestling community should get on you

I have a blast not that there's anything wrong with that not that there's anything wrong with it it's just if I'm not front row I'm not going when we sit front row you can feel the fucking energy

you want to see the outlines of the ball but I did two laps around Barclays looking for candy, and they didn't have any fucking candy. This is the saddest complaint about Barclays Center I ever heard in my life. I went to the wrestling show, and they didn't have candy. It was crazy. Never mind the parm and the momofuku and all that kind of shit. Amazing things in the world.

I went to Barclays, uh david chang has a sandwich spot out of fuku right like that's the name of his sandwich spot and i was like i gotta try a spicy chicken sandwich ate that sandwich it was so fucking spicy but it was delicious and then my i i had ditched my wife she we had agreed that we would eat dinner together but then i got these tickets last minute i was like she was like, go, go. I don't care. And she just had her alone time. But she had made, I had requested her version of halal chicken and rice. And so when I got back from Barclays at 1030, she had already made it.

And I was still a little hungry, so I fucking eat that shit. And then at like 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning, my stomach starts to hurt. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? A day later later it's still in pain and i it's like debilitating pain go to the hospital turns out i have a bowel obstruction which is when your intestine is like caught up on some kind of uh adhesion or like scar tissue fast forward like they put a tube down your nose my shit come like they they have to suck all the shit out and then so that your bowel saying When you're saying shit, you mean little. Little shit.

Suck out through your nose? Yeah, they put a tube like. Oh, bro. You're out. Bro, you've had shit in your nose? You're awake. Oh. They call it an NG tube, but it's so fucking disturbingly painful. It's painful when they put it in, but for the rest of the time, it's just this.

I'm a condor boy. And it's not like It's painful when they put it in But for the rest of the time It's like just this Uncontrollable You're I was The most irritated I've ever been For 12 hours in a row 12? Yeah You gotta have a tube

They suck it out For like 12 hours Yeah it's like a crazy Think about sucking shit Through a straw It takes a lot It's gotta be a faster way To do this

No no no So I was super irritated For like 12 hours And then the doctor's like We couldn't We don't understand why you had adhesion or whatever. And I was like, I had surgery on my right side before. You know, the hernia was on my right side. The orchiectomy, the testicle removal was on my right side. Like, did you ever have a hernia when you were a kid?

I was like, yeah, probably when I was like two years old. I was like, that's probably it. You had some scar tissue. Your bowel got caught up on it probably because you ate all this shit. It ate so much. I was like, that's probably it. You had some scar tissue. Your bowel got caught up on it, probably because you ate all this shit. It ate so much. I was taking like mad fiber pills. And what it really was is that I was shitting on Kyrie for practicing Ramadan. That's why they're playing so goddamn poorly.

It's not the time to not eat, Kyrie. Fuck you doing, man? You ain't Hakeem Olajuwon. Hakeem's been Muslim his whole life. He does it all the time. All the time. He knows how to do it. Kyrie, if you're going to pick and choose when to be Muslim,

not now. Playoff, closeout game is not the time to do it. That's fucking hilarious. And that's what happened. You're a genuine Nets fan? No, I root for them. I would go to the Nets games all the time because Jeremy Lin one time came to the cellar

and me and Sam Murill recognized him. We sent him a drink and he was like so gracious afterwards. He's like, like, if you ever want to come to the game, just let me know. No shit. And I was like, I will take full advantage of your generosity because he wasn't playing at the time. He got injured.

And so like all his seats were like where his friends and family would come like we're just available no one's gonna come see it like if they weren't playing if he wasn't playing so my wife and i we would go like we live down the street so we just go all the time i just became like a fan of the venue of the spot and like just like it's a good time uh so no short answer no i'm not being from jersey because because we say like i don't know any there's like one real that's crazy there's a few if you see a person with a net shirt on they probably work for the team somehow i mean i i've been in new york my whole life to see how little buzz kairi harden and and kd got like it was still a knicks town 100 if they

won the title it would be obvious. But even then, I don't think it's possible. Yeah, I don't know. I can't call what would make them exciting. The Knicks are the absolute worst franchise maybe in all of sports, and they still dominate the town. There's nothing like a fucking Knicks game, man. There's nothing like a Knicks game.

Yeah, for real. It's still a better product than the Nets. I don't know how. I don't know why. It is just that way. My favorite thing with the Knicks is, man. There's nothing like a Knicks game. Yeah, for real. It's still a better product than the Nets. I don't know how. I don't know why. It is just that way, man. My favorite thing with the Knicks is, I'm from Massachusetts, and this is what people are like, dude, when the Knicks are good, there's nothing like it.

Whole city rooting for the same team. And I hear that. I'm like, yeah, that's what every other city is like. That's what we're all like with our boys' football team and our basketball team and our football team. There's a latent Knicks fandom in every person in New York I think in like Boston and these other big towns it's like they're all about it

almost all the time whereas in New York specifically with the Knicks it's just like there's something here and it's just laying dormant just wait till we win the one playoff game it's what every other city has but there's so many fucking people yeah and also because we don't have it it's like a special thing like you guys

are just used to it you take it for granted i you know there's there's never a time where i was ever watching sports with my friends and enjoying it every every time i was watching my teams win i was at odds with my friends. The only time we can ever enjoy sports together as friends is the Knicks. Yeah, that's crazy. And it's like, and we don't get to do that. I mean, last year or a year and a half ago, was it two years?

Last year when they made the playoffs, that was fun. I was walking home down 7th Ave, and I was like, I didn't know what had happened. Because I'm not really a basketball guy. I'm certainly not a Knicks guy. So I didn't know what their schedule was. And I was a basketball guy. I'm certainly not a Knicks guy. I didn't know what their schedule was. I was walking down 7th and 30th. I was like, what the fuck?

I put it together pretty quickly because there were so many Knicks jerseys. I was like, why the fuck? I know the playoffs just started. Then people make fun of them. I get why. We threw a parade for winning a playoff game. Also, fuck that. That's awesome to me.

That's what it's about. I don't want to be the team that takes it for granted. We go a little overboard, acting like we're the best team in the league because we made the playoffs. You never know when it's going to happen again with this mix. Winning one game is... I say with baseball, I think it's fucking insane that they do the champagne celebrations after every round.

We won a single game. Whereas if I could be – Fuck you, KD. Fuck. We don't need your ass. If I could be a hockey hard-on for a second. When they win the conference championship, they don't touch the trophy. Because they're like, that's not a trophy we want.

So they don't touch it to spoil it. Whereas the fucking baseball players win a single game. Win the fucking play-in game. And they're putting on goggles and spraying champagne in the locker room. That's crazy to me. I'm somewhere in the middle of like, you know, the only one trophy matters, which I do believe that. But also like, yeah, you can have some fucking celebrations along the way. But a champagne celebration, a bing bong is nuts, right?

Are you a Red Sox guy guy I'm a Red Sox guy got it I'm sorry yeah no but you know what it's been okay it's been okay but actually

it is crazy I learned the other day so it has been good we have four trophies this four World Series this decade

century but we've actually finished last more times than we've won I was going to say it's all or nothing. We finished last, fifth, one, four. I would absolutely trade for that.

I would too. Because then you can just check out. I don't even worry about this. They don't care about this season. I don't either. Fine, fuck it. I've been to, I think, two Yankees games this season. I'm not a big baseball guy.

My friends just love going to the game. It's just so much fucking fun to do. And this is the first year I went to a hockey game live hockey game ever in my whole life luckily i got to go with a che and we we had some pretty awesome seats and i was like i gotta like live hockey is not marketed well enough it's so much people do know like people all say all the time like live hockey is the best of all live sports, but I don't think people take enough time to try to go do it. Go fucking do it. It's so much fun.

It's such a crazy environment. It's nonstop action. I loved it. And then you get a nice 20-minute break each time. Right? You get a piss. It feels good. I'm not going to –

And it is like – because I don't like going to, I've been to a lot of football games. I know hockey still mostly, but I've been to a lot of football games. And even at a football game, my favorite ones are always the ones where it's a blowout and it turns into a party. Yeah. You can stop like, because it is, again, kind of like a tale as old as time. It's like, there's actually only like six minutes of action in a football game. Yeah. And then when you're standing there, you're like, Jesus fucking Christ, can we play this?

Whereas hockey is moving the entire time. It's almost like ice soccer. Even after a score, it's like 10-second celebration back on the ice. It's fucking go crazy. It's fucking awesome. I want to wrap up here since we did talk about candy and cancer. Have you ever seen – Both in one can.

Yeah. Warhead soda. Is it good? It's actually not as bad as you would think. Did you grow up on Warheads? Of course. I fucking love Warhead.

Like how many can you put in your mouth at once? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We found these today in a bodega and I thought for sure this would be the worst thing I ever put in my mouth.

Actually, not as bad as you think. It's like... How much sugar is in it? 37 grams. Okay, all right. That's actually not worse than the other one. It's a Gatorade. It does say 0% juice.

100% cancer. If you pull it off, you put a label off, there's like an engine coolant. That's really what it is. It's fucking disgusting. $5 for a soda is no joke too $5 for one yeah

no way you drop $50 on all these he fucking he chugged you got every flavor he chugged the can of blue raspberry

I chugged the blue raspberry I sipped on the sour and the lemon and that is cherry and black cherry over there those are fucking vile they're nice to look at

I will not try them right here as a cancer survivor I would at I will not try them right here as a cancer survivor I would not I would not recommend not tempting the devil alright so the specials

thank you China yes sir tickets on sale you on tour right now or not I'm on tour right now I just did Wilbur Theater

in Montreal JFL I got Portland Seattle Denver Brea London England I'm not sure

if you guys are in London international let's go yeah I can't. I've been talking a lot of shit about England, so we'll see who turns out. And then, yeah, the rest of my shit is on FindingNemech.com. I'm going through the year. FindingNemech.com.

And New York City, Town Hall, last show of the year, December 17th. Please come out. Dude, Town Hall is fucking fun. Yeah, Town Hall is going to be fun. You were Gramercy for the special, right? Yeah, the special at Gramercy was like 300 seats, so it's like 600 total seats. This one is, I think, is I think 1500 so let's see if we can fucking sell it out

let's go we did Gramercy for our live show recently yeah great venue while it was Green Room

I remember yeah Green Room feels like an opium den oh with the wallpaper it's pretty sick we should just get

some opium next time yeah for sure no you got it alright bro appreciate it man well thank you very much for having me I appreciate you man

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