KFC Radio - Michael Chandler Interview | Always Cut Your Nails TWO DAYS Before Sex

Episode Date: June 29, 2023

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 1:00 Barstool New York 14:19 The Third Floor is getting massages 24:53 KFC got a ride on mower 35:10 Feits is getting gay groomed 57:02 What's a piece of advice that you still think about today? 01:12:37 KFC's fattest move ever 01:15:07 AITA - Most amicable breakup ever 01:27:21 Buy tickets to a live show near YOU 01:33:03 Guys think they can do anything 01:53:54 Micheal Chander Interview +++++++++++++++++++++ Barstool Sportsbook: Terms Apply. MUST BE 21+ Gambling Problem? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER Pirate Water: Go to drink piratewater.com to find pirate water in a location near you or order on gopuff BodyArmor: Buy BODYARMOR Now on Amazon! Barstool House: SHOP NOW AT STORE.BARSTOOLSPORTS.COM +++++++++++++++++++++++You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. And I just sat at a bar that whole time just being like, this was a mistake. Yeah, that is a terrible idea. Hey, here's a woman scorned. You want access to all my things? It's like I'm, like when I turned the corner and I didn't see fire touching from my house,

I was like, holy shit. I mean, that is, it ended up being fine. Out of all your dumb moves, that is spectacularly dumb. I didn't know that. I've never heard that.

That is bad. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. It's our last episode before we head into the 4th of July. We will still have episodes. What? We will still have episodes. We'll show us interviews next week to comedians.

We're going to take a little break. A couple comedians are going to be out in an interview episode. We are going to come back to what is supposed to be a new redesigned barstool new york office um where we will hopefully start to kick off what kind of is the new the new era of of barstool new york and barstool comedy um where you know i think the bulk of the chicago people will have will be heading out there and the office will finally be you know the people who are staying behind will kind of know who the team is and they're kind of transforming that whole area where we do the rundown if you're familiar with the office

they're transforming that rundown area into a more uh free-flowing hangout sort of like space where it's not just like desks and piles of shit if there's one thing i learned is that everyone at parcel sports is a hoarder myself included it's just like everybody has just a ton of shit they were they were like you gotta clean your desk i said just throw everything out i don't they were like there's some really nice stuff there i'm like i don't doubt it it's like my mom wanted me to clean out the house when they moved and i said no i had 20 years worth of stuff in there you think i'm cleaning my fucking bar stool desk throw it away yeah i mean it's it's uh more than anything it's a a hoarder like

you know dumpster effort than it is a redesign but it should be a very cool uh a way you know coming back from the fourthth of July we always have one week off on Christmas and one week off for 4th of July it's like the only time we take off at Barstool and so we usually come back from those two weeks two weeks off ready to rock and I think it'll be a very interesting time

there's been so much talk and fanfare about the Chicago office and I think people either think that Nework is like gonna fall apart or it doesn't have a plan or whatever um which i can assure you we've been talking about and working on and are very eager to like get going i don't like talking about things for 20 minutes let alone a year and a half yeah yeah although we have talked about it we talk about it here and there.

We're just doing it. Out of Order is a good example of exactly the kind of stuff we're going to try to do. Oh, I want to tell you a story about something that happened on the Out of Order yesterday, but I can't tell you. Why not? Because I don't want it on the air. Alright, we're going to cut right here. I'm going to tell it,

and then we're going to cut it out. I'll tell you how it happened later. Yeah, so Out of Order is exactly the example of what we're gonna cut right here i'm gonna tell it and then we're gonna cut it out i'll tell you to have it later yeah so i mean out of order is exactly like the example of like what we're doing uh the the we haven't we have not really talked about the the the comedy show dollar slices of life is what owen oh yeah that sold out in two minutes right and we haven't talked about it i mean that that's a testament to to Owen and what he's been doing but also you guys as well. Like Owen is kind of our secret weapon who has no interest in being in content and on camera and stuff. But behind the scenes is so plugged in in the comedy world. want to get back to with new york is being like actually funny and actually respected within the world of funny you know what i mean like there in the beginning at barstool i could have i could

have told you in 100 honesty everybody who works here is like top 10 top 20 funniest person on the internet you know and as you get, obviously that's just not possible. And so, you know, you, what you do is you sacrifice a little bit of like the funniness, but in exchange you get a wider array of content and different industries, you know, different areas, all that shit. But we also got a little, little out over our skis on some of that stuff where some of it is like,

I want to get back to like oh Owen and Barstool and the guys who run that that is a funny like gritty grimy comedy show in New York like any comic any real comedy fan could go to our show and be like that is good comedy and we'll figure out

whether or not that can be sponsored and make money and this and that and the other thing oh by the way Barstool New York is going to fall apart. Because there will be no sponsorship dollars. Well, apparently we can't sponsor anything ever. And anything that is sponsored is flagged. I mean, I got told no on a one-minute man the other day. I don't know.

You actually said you understood it. That one I did not. I didn't say I understood it. I didn't say I understood it. I didn't say I understood it. I said I'm not, I'm acclimated to what it is now, so it doesn't shock me. I mean, the thing usually with One Minute Man is the topics, which I get

sometimes. I pick true crime and porn and stuff, and so I've learned they don't want to touch any of that. The topic was Pat Sajak getting replaced, and I guess I kind of, you know, I made a joke about how Sajak and Ryan Seacrest don't age. And the conspiracy theory is that there's adrenochrome and the Hollywood elites drink the blood of children. And it's like a Pizzagate type conspiracy theory. So I referenced that.

And then I said, like, that's not how they stay young. They stay young with body armor, which I understand is not like, I'm going to stick on my side. Not another like a pizza gate comp. I'm saying it's like referencing it and be like, no drink body armor. It's like, I,

we, I, we have to get back to a place of it's everything. It's not just us. I think it's a lot of the industry as well. It's the fear of getting in trouble, having your, your,

your audience or your fans or your consumer boycott you. I don't know what it is. I don't think that happens anymore. No, that's what I mean. That, that, as I say,

in the midst of the Bud Light controversy. But, despite that fact, despite all that, I think that the internet killed canceling. I think because

so many fucking lames started talking about, oh, I'm getting canceled. No one gets canceled. When was the last time anyone got canceled? Right. Because it's got talked about so much that no one even does it anymore. We were beating that drum a while back saying the only people who got canceled were, like, criminals. Right. But even then, I would admit there were times there were people who were like, all right, I didn't get canceled, but I got severely hampered or lost a lot of money

or lost a couple years of my career. There was people who got punished, if you will. Now I don't even know if that happens. But it is funny that we say that in the middle of Bud Light. Bud Light is an extreme one where I think that was more of a – I don't think that's a canceling. I think that was a very bad strategic move. They chose to go in a direction that – in a very like over-the-top way that I think they just like miscalculated the response. As far as like I'm a – I'm someone associating with a comedian, a personality, whoever, and they said something.

And now like no one is going to drink my drink or wear my clothes. Like, that does not fucking happen. But, yeah, no one gets – I can't remember. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. But, like, I don't – it used to be, like, every day someone had an old tweet or someone said something. Like, I don't think we care about that.

We have to get back to people realizing that that's, like – And I don't think that was ever canceling someone. But, like, every day there was someone, like – But think that was ever canceling someone but people like every day there was someone like canceling is not happening anymore and we just I mean I don't know whether we need I always thought that as we got older

people like us would become CEOs and executives and they'd be like we get the internet we understand that these are jokes we're like we're fine I grew up on barstool it'll be good and it almost started to go the other way where it's like every and i don't know if it's just a barstool thing or if it's other industries but every single thing is now like you know we were too afraid and we're we're just not gonna take the chance you gotta risk a little bit i mean i hate to sound cliche, but there is a little bit of when you tell a joke,

you take a risk. When you do an out-of-order skit about the fucking Windsor swastikas, you're taking a little bit of a risk, but a little bit. No one who did a whole fucking skit with swastikas and jokes and... Was there anything?

Nothing that got to my desk all i saw was good feedback and like good versions of like holy shit not like oh my god this is terrible if you can do that kind of shit now you can tell all sorts of jokes you can but we've said that before too with just like any joke at all where like it's something that gets thrown around a lot from different people not just here but here specifically and just like is it worth the risk and if you honestly like grade it no joke is ever worth the risk right none because all you're doing is just saying something for like i'm just trying to get you to giggle a little bit. And it's not worth losing an advertiser.

But if that's something you agree to one time, and then you keep going, well, this isn't worth it. Well, this isn't worth it. So no joke is worth the risk, which means every joke is worth the risk. Yes, that's a great way to put it. Same thing with tweets. I'm always like, tweets I actually abide by a little more, where it's like, this tweet really isn't worth it, because half half the time it's like I truly don't need to say this.

On a skit show, you need to make a joke to be funny, to have a product. An extra tweet that might get you in trouble is truly like it's not worth it. Yeah, yeah. But sometimes I'm like it's the sum of all the parts. Like I became who I was and had a brand because part of what I did was like I let shit fly on Twitter. And this is back when Twitter was much more of a useful tool. But it was like people wanted to follow me. So I got a lot of followers.

They followed everything I sent. So if I sent out a tweet to buy something or promote something, it worked. You know, like it's the sum of all of those jokes. And if I mean, if you're just afraid to make every single joke then why we're not going to have a comedy branch just don't do it so I think we have a crew that's left behind here

that gets that and is truly about like being funny whether it's like literally stand up comedy or just kind of getting back to like a funny version of the internet I think the crew we have left here is very, they get it, and they're like all, you know, on the same page. I don't like how you said left.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ten people are leaving. I know, I know. But I mean, even I'm talking like that because it's become this huge thing. Like you would think that, you know, more than half the company is leaving or something when it's like there's still a shit ton of people here, the majority of which are very funny people. So I think the new office and having the Chicago thing that has been talked about for so long but hasn't happened, like finally happening. Even this, I think they're still trickling in through the summer and then summer leaving september and it's like let's just get it so it's new york chicago barstool like we can figure it all out uh and that'll start it'll begin to start after

the july 4th break you'll have the interview episodes during the week um if you're looking for a bet to make and a place to make it? I have two ideas for you. Number one, go download the Barstool Sportsbook. It's the best place for the best bets, props, parlays, payouts, wagers, boosted odds, lines, all that stuff. If you want a good bet, bet against the New York Mets and their starting pitching. What are some of those? Runs in the first five, runs in the first inning, all that stuff.

Their starting pitching is so unbelievably bad. John, if they were to just win the games in which they scored seven runs, they would be like above 500 and in contention. Seven runs is not like four runs where it's like, oh, you know. I just made all those bets in that time. That's how easy this app is to use. Bingo, bo, bongo. I didn't actually because we're in New York, but.

You could have. I did put them all in because it's an app, and here it is on my phone I'm supposed to show you. Very easy to do. Dude, they are 13. Now, they won last night. They scored. They are 14 and 12, I think, in games.

They score seven runs. I saw the stat you had there tonight where it was like 25-4 or something like that. When the starter goes six innings. Yeah, that's crazy. I mean, it's like, and not even like six innings, one run. It's like, just get to the sixth inning, and then our bullpen won't be burned, and they can be good, and everything falls into place. We just need you to pitch six innings.

Our starter goes three or four innings every night. That's insane. That's insane. It's insane. And then Buck Showalter throws out like a scrub to come into relief in the fourth inning, and they're like, this guy sucks. Why is he in? It's like, because it's the fourth inning. It is insane.

The fourth inning, usually the time you put it in the fucking studs. Yeah, the fourth fucking inning. So bet against the Mets, and they're starting pitching. Their offense is borderline prolific at this point. They put up seven runs a night, and they're still somehow like 10 games under.500. It's insane. Bet against the Mets. Bet against or put any other bets you want in on the Barstool Sportsbook.

All major sports, all sorts of unique wrinkles from the Barstool world with all the Barstool betting personalities. Download it today. Must be 21 or older. Terms apply. Gambling problem call 1-800-GAMBLER. I know that I can rest well at night. I lay my head down on the pillow knowing that the business people of Barstool Sports are getting their facials done.

Because that – I really – because uh that i really want to one i like how you all wow we just did 15 20 minutes whatever we just did on what we think hope that barcelona is going to be like and none of that's going to happen because i'm going to tell everybody do not fucking come work here i'm going to hire and not hire but recommend whatever you want to call it. Zero people to come work at this goddamn company. Well, no. I mean I think – I often think to myself we need to make sure that the third floor is being pampered. We got to make sure that they get all the perks and all of the uh the extras of the world you know because what you know it's not like talent or anybody on camera or anybody editing like 24 hours a day could use a massage or a facial

or uh no they couldn't either no one should be getting massages or facials here. The facial cracks me up. The chiropractor coming in, I can understand. I can't understand any of it. That's crazy. Well, I think this whole thing is a matter of keeping up with the Joneses sort of thing where it's just like I could never imagine if I was deciding between two companies. And one was like, we offer a chiropractor and a massage every now and then being like that's the final decision maker i'm going there yeah but i guess wait till you get to the end of the first year and you ask for a raise

see what the fuck happens stephanie on the third floor took up a massage she got a facial she got a chiropractor visit this year there's your goddamn there's your fucking raise there's your bonus the third floor massages it's so funny i just tried i didn't even want a facial i uh i've only gotten one in my lifetime and it was not a very like enjoyable experience i feel like unless you're a chick wants your face to look good i got one in amsterdam i got like a half hour but yeah you did like a half hour which trip was all your family and then i got a fucking facial and i hated it i only liked it when she had like a brush and she was like it was only like my face was getting painted that felt good yeah but like this just does not feel like there's well you know what with mine they they put a black light on me or something and then they showed me in the mirror

and i think it shows like your dead skin or. And I was like, oh, get this shit off of me. I didn't enjoy it, but I was like, I don't know, pour acid on it. Pour gasoline all over me and set me on fire. But the Barstool Human Resources People Department makes sure that we have all the perks. And we make sure that all of those you know i don't know sales people and uh i mean you tried to get one right yeah well i mean i i tried to get one like a like days later which is like trying to get taylor swift tickets there's like there's like you know 50 slots and they get filled up by the first 50 people on the business floor who know about this

because they're the ones who like negotiated it and tell everybody like hey our you know our facials deal there's one slot left open for the second floor again the second floor shouldn't get them either yeah we don't one should be getting facials at work it really is the the definition maybe we'll have a rule like the new new barstool new york if you engage in any of those perks you're fired that's only for the third floor it is funny though because now i mean i i do not believe we need any of these things but i can see a world where it's like shit is stressful i know we like we always joke it's not curing cancer it it's not digging ditches, blah, blah, blah, blah. But it is a stressful job.

Travis Kelsey just said it's the hardest job in the world. What? Podcasting. No, he didn't. Like, seriously? I don't know. I'm sure not. I think he was saying it's a lot harder than it does. I'm not a podcasting and I'm a football player.

It's actually hard. It's not easy. I mean, you know, the old phrase of if it was easy, everyone would do it doesn't really apply because everyone does do it. Like everyone tries to have one. But it's everyone. If it was easy to do it, everyone would do it successfully. Nobody, you know, a very small percentage of people do it. But but, you know, when you are like in the fucking mud, if you are, you know, you are are on camera you get called ugly all the time you know

it is probably something where you should like be able to you know i can get a facial i can get my hair done or i can get you know makeup done or whatever to uh expense he's a salesman no that doesn't work here and try to expense a treadmill to his office because he said his physical appearance matters i remember uh i had heard a rumor that this is back when i was when i was a bright-eyed bushy-tailed kid thinking i was actually going to understand the world of taxes and write-offs and stuff i don't write off anything i don't do any of that i just i pay my taxes. And I look at it as if somehow I'm the rebel. I'm the one being like, fuck you. I'm not doing the paperwork.

Okay, we'll keep the thousands of dollars then. Same thing as submitting expenses. Yeah, right. I'm such a rare employee. I'm a unique one of a kind. I don't make the company pay for things. But I heard that like when you're on camera or whatever, you can write off your clothes because it's like part of your appearance. And my accountant was like, everyone needs to wear clothes.

That's not a thing. Like you and your job is not different from the guy who works behind the counter at Subway. He's wearing clothes too. But still, I think all the time what we need is more attention and special treatment for the business people. And it just makes me happy to know that you guys are getting all your facials. Directly to us right now. We dug a hole to China right now. Just somebody getting fucking rubbed,

lotions and serums, while down here we're just taking real facials. We're grinding. Internet facials. Just pow, pow, pow. So I'm happy for you guys. It just makes me feel good um i heard actually upstairs they're drinking baby blood

that's a harmless joke bro you never heard of adrenochrome i i've heard of like q anon shit like they they think that they they think that they get together for like uh you know like um bohemian grove type like eyes wide shut parties and they drink the blood of babies because there's adrenochrome is like in their blood and that makes you youthful i i heard like silicon valley did an episode whatever years ago yeah where the guy i think i think he's kind of a musk type guy he was like he had like a young person it wasn't a baby but he was just like using their yeah i didn't know that i didn't know about the drinking i didn't drink it to get infusions

transfusions whatever i was like it's not that it's body armor come on that's just a fucking joke like if anybody what what could have possibly happened would someone be like i'm not drinking body armor anymore because of this? What? What? That would be – Like we got to get back to common sense where I think our sales team in every industry goes, is this a risk? Yes. Then no. Like you said, everything is a risk.

It's a – like is it more probable than not, to a phrase from from Bill Belichick that like something bad will happen if you look at it and go there's a more greater than 50% chance that I'll have to like respond to my shareholders over this then fine but that that takes a fucking lot you know even if

like I think a conversation could should have been had and it was and we screened the out of order swastika skit. And when I watched it, I was like, oh, this came out fine. If it was, I don't know, more, like, pro-Nazi, maybe I would have been like, I could see somebody being like, we're not fucking with Barstool anymore. That was done in a very, like, you know, you were on eggshells kind of the way you did it in in a very good way so it was fun speaking of pro-nazi the uh the uh the nhl draft is tonight and uh david reinbacher is a high prospect okay and he was asked what the um toughest question at the combine was oh god and

they asked him it's world war ii and you're the captain of a boat and you have to bomb an enemy boat but teammates are swimming in the ocean i said no i wouldn't do it they're like you have to do it it's an order so it's kind of not the best thing to talk about david reinbacher is an Austrian so when they're saying he has to bomb an enemy boat they're referring to a US boat and he's fighting for the Nazis so me and the H-man are in the boat

I saw that tweet last night two nights ago World War II. He's not like he was born. He lives in Austria still, I think. He plays in some EuroLeague, but he's an Austrian. Of all people, ask that question. It's World War.

You can say it's war. It's World War, specifically World War II. That's why they did it. Let's grill this Nazi and find out what he thinks. Wow. That is something. But the amount of shit that like nothing is going to happen. And if it does, like then egg on my face but also like we'll survive.

I don't know. Like shit used to happen at Barstool. We'd lose some sponsors. We would get like in trouble. Some shit would happen and we'd bounce some sponsors. We would get in trouble. Some shit would happen, and we'd bounce right back. But what you can't bounce back is if you sell out and all your shit becomes completely vanilla. We passed that 10 years ago. We did. We did.

But that's what I'm hoping to try to take a small group of people here and people that I know feel the same way. We did sell out, and it did get fucking wallpaper and want to get back to some of that other shit and go try to do it and you know what if it turns out that like the world doesn't can't do that anymore you can't make money like get rich or die trying man like well I'm gonna try to fucking make that happen

it's the last thing I do because I have no interest in doing it the other way and so if it doesn't work I don't know you guys were right i you right i'm wrong i lose and i'll disappear and i'll fucking you know go go ride along on my anyway go mow my lawn on my ride on mower dude yeah right i have not used it yet because i will be the person who like chops a fucking limb off yeah i like like lose my foot somehow. But I do have it and I do plan on

eventually using it. I would put the over under five times to use that. I would take the under. That's a good number, but it is the under. I think I will try. I think I will do. I think I will succeed. I think I will say, ah, that was actually pretty

easy and it could say it's a big lawn and a lot of people keep telling me like just spend the money it's the best money you'll ever spend and i'm sure i will arrive at that decision but for right now i'm like i don't know maybe i could just do i have to spend money on literally everything maybe i can do something for myself uh and this is clearly not the place to pick it, you know? Yeah. But that's always the way. You don't have to just cut it.

You have to care for your lawn. You don't have to do that. You don't have to care for your body. You don't have to do that. But I will say. I don't care for my body so much. I'm laughing that hard. I'm like woozy. I feel sick.

You don't care where your body came out of your mouth so easily. I don't care for my body so much. I'm laughing that hard. I'm like woozy. I feel sick. You don't care where your body came out of your mouth so easily. I'm throwing stones from a glass house. I don't either. I was well aware. I'm not going to fucking do that. You want me to put more effort and care into the ground than I do my physical flesh and blood? You have a higher chance of me digging my own grave before I mow my lawn. Put that on a quote card.

Let's have that be our fucking advertiser for the episode. I'll do it a few times and admit that it wasn't that bad, but then just like never do it again. It's just like, I just, there's just no way I every like regularly hop on there. I think I would if it were several years ago. Like I used to like, uh,

the alone time that I got for doing chores. Yeah. Cause it was like, like when my house used to flood you would you'd go back and dig a hole to get to the garage yeah you flooded again the next time exactly when i my house flooded i was squeegeeing the ground and putting everything in the sump pump pop podcast on put some music on just chill by myself i flooded again if i i can understand why guys that that's the only reason why men care for their lawn.

Nobody gives a fuck about it. It's something that they do to get out of the house and get away, and then you take an interest in it and you get pride in it. Like if I'm going to do something, I might as well do it well. But all of that shit – I think there's very few people who – there are like the barbecue people out there. But for the most part, I don't think guys really care about being the one to grill hot dogs and hamburgers they just want to go i'll i'm just gonna be on the grill see you later they don't care about growing the grass and pulling the weeds it's just something there i go you put the kids to bed i gotta go pull the weeds sounds good i don't care about any that. I'm in the garage fixing the fucking this and that.

We all come from the same place of like just being dudes who like want to just be left alone and party and eat and kill time and just fuck around. Very few of the people are like, I'm interested in carpentry.

I'm interested in the outdoors. I'm interested in cooking. The rest of it is just we do shit to kill time and get the fuck away from you. That's where it comes from so uh if i needed to do that i think i still would but i don't need to anymore so i'm like i'll just pay you to do this i got this fucking tennis court bro this guy came to me the other day he came pulled up onto my property and said i do tennis courts i was like what the fuck is this it's like like door-to-door salesman type shit like i think they i think what these guys do is they check like the

listings of houses they've serviced before they see that it just sold recently because i've had um uh alarm people like security people come to my house and now uh landscapers and now this tennis guy data mining yeah like it truly is and it truly is. And he was like, $1,200 to clean up the court, $3,500 to do it all. And I'm like, I don't even know what the fuck entails the $3,500. What I do know is I ain't playing any tennis, bro. So I'm probably eventually just going to bomb that thing and like pave over it and put up basketball hoops but for the time being i don't know having a shitty tennis court is like i mean it's it's first of all it's a clay court this guy whoever fucking built this house like who needs a

clay court like there's hard there's hard court which is like blacktop and there's grass which is like the clay the one they slide on yes yeah it's like it's sand it's yeah so it's like this blue dirt dirty sandy you know like i do go out there and whack balls with keegan but like you get dirty and it like kicks up dust and shit and they have these giant brushes they left everything behind so i have a million tennis rackets a million tennis balls million brushes we have the line painter machine that you like roll uh and i tried to brush it myself again and i was like oh this you need you need to like i think like i don't know what you need to do to it i can't even begin to understand how you

curate and you know clean a tennis court but i I'm just like, here I am spending $1,200 to clean a tennis court? What am I doing? What am I doing? Look nice. I was like, but I don't want a dirty tennis court. I think what I'm going to do is, first of all, when was the last time you were on a full-size tennis court? Have you ever been on one recently?

They're fucking huge. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Like, I don't know if they – I don't know. I just haven't been on many tennis courts at all. But, like, from serve, you know, from side to side is fucking big. So I go back out there, and I'm like, if I just had this as, like, my property, my backyard, I'd be like, this is a nice size lawn. Yeah, yeah.

But I think what I'm going to do is pave it over and i'm width wise i'm gonna put basketball hoops so you can play like full court without playing full court yeah because it's fun to have two hoops but nobody wants to run full like five on five hundred foot you know 94 foot court so if i could have like hockey one rush off the ice yeah yeah like if i have real hoops and i will paint i'll put the lines down. But basically like the three-point line is going to be like two feet away from half court. You should just toss netting over the top and like hit baseballs with the key. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'm going to do that. I'm going to have – I think I'm going to have like one chunk be – so I'm going to look at it width-wise instead of length-wise. Avoiding broken windows from day one. That'd be fucking sick. So I'll have a little basketball court, a little batting cage. Is there anything like hockey that they do like that? I guess you could just have like a net. Yeah.

I want to have, I could just have like a little, a little like sports. Yeah, a little. Put a few putting greens. That's not a bad idea. Get Keegan into that shit We're gonna get you a scholarship boy Let's go Apparently Keegan hit a bases clearing triple

To win the game At baseball camp the other day Really? Where's the other camp? I think it's like Bronxville Baseball camp or whatever Yankee Fantasy Camp? Oh.

But yeah, he came home and said, it was the last time up. My team was down eight points to six points. And I hit, what did he say? He said, I got the hit that wins them or something like that. I don't know, whatever it was. He said he hit it over the fence, and then he quickly was like, I'm lying, it didn't go over the fence. It didn't go over the fence, but it did go to the fence.

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But our buddy and friend, Ian Fidance, is gay grooming you. He was supposed to come on the show today. He did not come. He's getting a root canal. He's like, I gotta get this appointment. I was like, what's wrong? What do you got now? What do I got?

Feel better, Ian, but also you're gay grooming my friend. And I don't even blame you because I don't think this is gay grooming like I want to fuck you. I think this is gay grooming like he's recruiting for their side. Now, he's a bi guy, so he goes both ways. Yeah. But I could see him being like you would be great for the gays because you would be. You'd be a win for the gays If you came out tomorrow The gays would be like cool

Because you're like You're straight enough that it would be like See it's not all stereotypical But you're also like You look good You're in good fashion You're gay grooming me right now I'm gay grooming you right now.

You check enough boxes that they would be like, we accept you. And also, hey, look, he's a normal guy. I was going to say, I was in my head. I'm thinking about you like the fucking punching the – like how your neighbors think you're a crazy person. They might be like, never mind. Never mind. They don't watch you. But I think you're

getting gay groomed for the purposes of the brand i i would be i'd be quite a unicorn for the gays they'd be yeah rotten food right but they almost want i think a little bit of that protein serum in the morning yes you know he like that's they just do that once a year at fire island like that's how they like live there and you're just doing it yeah that's true and then when they just go then they go hard like anytime i've heard about fire island it's like we didn't eat all this in the morning we worked out and then like that is yeah you you kind of are a fire island gay like we work we work out we. We behave like animals. And then we go back to regular life.

It's just that is your regular life. It's every day. It's every day, bro. It's every day, bro. The concern I have. So wait. For people who don't know, we've got to set the stage. Because I don't even know.

We've talked about it last episode. Okay. So yeah. If you didn't hear last episode, was at the the gay pride parade our buddy ian new york city comedian very funny dude they were like for the camera like yeah and he grabbed him what we what we haven't said yet we didn't have the camera we didn't have you hadn't seen the video yet right about it right the what we didn't realize was that homeless pimp who works with chrissy d and all the comedians we know uh was the one filming and the video he made the fucking thumbnail and opening scene of his like here's new york city pride 2023 the middle the middle screen is john getting gay groomed

ian grabs him and kisses him and shoves his tongue in his mouth. And John's like, I did not expect that. I mean, like the beat drops and the gay pride, you know, the whole video starts. So I didn't realize that the video was going to be like featuring you getting gay groomed. Yeah. So you're front and center gay groomed. It was front and center. I think I described it well.

I think I described it pretty accurately Yeah you were a little A little hesitant You went along for the ride but you were like I don't know about that Which is the definition of gay grooms What I've learned In my time since then

Because I said right afterwards Ian was like are you okay And I was like I'm fine And that was i think i said i was like well now i'm not because now we're talking about it right you made it a thing and then and then yesterday before we decided to have finance on which again he couldn't make it um he just out of the blue texted me again i'm just making sure you're okay and i was like i mean he's gay grooming i was like i was like all right well now we're going too far with now you're getting

now i get why sexual assault victims don't go to the police because i'm tired of talking about it well dude he first of all how i wish that he was not wearing a baseball hat with a brim because that like main screen right there we would have your whole fucking face. You're so lucky, bro. We would have your whole mug on camera. Yeah, little do you guys know, we're not even kissing behind it. Look how cool.

You know what's almost funnier than the kiss? That, right? Like right before it, just how close you guys are. That's almost more awkward than the contact. That's the reason why people kiss. I'm so goddamn close to this person.

This is weird. Let's go all the way rather than halfway. But the gay grooming, as a guy who's never been gay groomed talking to a guy who got gay groomed,

I don't think you realize you're getting gay groomed until somebody tells you you're getting gay groomed. And I think that's what's happening with the gay grooming here is that the people seeing this were like, you're getting gay groomed and I think that's what's happening with the gay grooming here is that the people seeing this were like

you're getting gay groomed and then his reaction to being called a gay groomer saying I'm not gay grooming feels a lot like gay grooming yeah he was like I want to respond to people calling me gay groomers I don't know what you're talking about I think he's taking it a little

too seriously which makes me think you're a gay groomer. If somebody accused me of something and I was just not at all doing it, I'd be like, whatever, dude. But if on the inside I was like, I gay groomed that guy a little bit. And then everyone's like, yo, gay groomer. No, no, no, I didn't gay groom. Then guess what? You're a gay groomer.

Happy pride. I don't care about people's replies we don't need to go find them the um the first text was just on his own like he was like did i go too far or is that after the the video like after the response the first was a conversation on the bus like right after the video right so he so the second and then he texted so your reaction it was enough for him to be like oh shit i guess i don't know that was the reaction yeah i think it was funny but but i mean if i also knowing you a little bit i know you well enough to be like you would never flat out be like i'm uncomfortable but so you laugh about something but i wasn't uncomfortable i'm becoming uncomfortable but like in the moment i was not uncomfortable it was fine where i it's what wednesday we're day four of it i've become i'm getting uncomfortable but how people are like this

is how the gay groomers do it when people are like like you know or you're just saying like people like you don't even know you're getting gay groomed i get that because like i'm very susceptible to being gay oh like um if i could pick one person to get gay grooms like that it would be a hundred percent success rate you are the gay groom king if you watch like movies and shit like that documentaries whatever and you're like i don't understand how it got that far i've never thought that i could could always get there. I've been like, this is very relatable. I get how you end up in a sex cult. Someone asks politely. Let's say if things got a little bit wild at Pride the other day,

and at the end of the day, Ian was like, all right, the parade's over. You want to roll with me to a Pride party? I could see you being like, okay, I guess so. I'd go to a Pride party. Yeah, then you get there and you realize, oh, it like a pride party, I could see you being like, okay, I guess so. I could go to a pride party. Then you get there and you realize, oh, it's like a pride party. And then he'd be like, so, like, we're going to go into the basement now. And you'd be like, well, okay.

And then you'd get down there and they'd be like, so. You could suck this guy's dick and this guy's dick. And you'd be like, oh, I got gay groomed. I gotta pat myself on the back because despite all of the perceptions and the homophobic slurs I'm called regularly, I'm the only person that I know of at least who's admitted it publicly because I'll talk about it publicly because I said no, who's kissed a guy and said didn't care for it

and the famous time when I was just me and a guy in the basement and he's like what would you do if I crawled over

and sucked that dick right now and I said I don't think I'd like that too much it's like Jackie not having a dick you went

you did it and said no twice I've been there and been like not for me remind the people of that story that was one

that was the spin instructor right yeah that story. That was one. That was the spin instructor, right? Yeah. He was super hot, too. It was like, I don't think he was my type. Maybe he was more my type. I thought you said he was. He's a very handsome man in shape, but not. Who's your type?

It's always the caveat of your type on these. I guess. I just don't know. That's because he's gay. I don't know if it's so much gay grooming or Ian saw something in your eyes and was like, I'm going to help my business. Well, that's who you groom. You don't gay groom a guy who's not gay at all.

You gay groom a guy who's a little bit gay. Gay groom the well-dressed guy. What's your type? Hemsworth is my type. Okay, but what did this guy look like? I don't know. That's how I pictured him, like a clean cut. Yeah, he was a clean cut guy.

He was brunette. I was just blonde. Yeah, probably blonde a clean cut guy. Brunette. I was just blonde. Yeah, probably blonde. You're just a fucking gay Nazi. I didn't see myself in him. I'm just a narcissist is what it comes down to. So your type is blonde dudes? I guess.

My type is Chris Hemsworth. I think he's like a blonde, no? Yeah, he's a dirty blonde um but yeah there was just a party that went really late everyone had left at different times and it ended up just being me in a he was kind of like coming on to you earlier than i know yeah i mean at one point he's like can i shower and i was like sure and then we were in my apartment yeah get the fuck john at some point you're not being gay groomed you're reciprocating the grooming yeah i'm just leading everyone you're just being gay

if you're at a party you say he was prepping yeah he was yeah he went and got his butt ready to get fucked he was like would you come with me and i was like no would you come with me he asked you to come in the shower with him? Yeah. And you said no. I said no, thank you. And at that moment, were you like, oh, fuck, something's going on? Oh, we were in my apartment. We couldn't take a person out. So I was.

You absolutely can. You absolutely can be like, I got to get to sleep. I was just like, yeah, you can shower if you want. And then he just got in the shower. And then. After a night of partying? Or after a night of pelotoning? No, partying. It was like 7 a.m

this was i don't know if i knew or remembered that part of the story yeah oh i mean he was he was very clearly trying to fuck me and i just kept being like nah like extremely so though like like can i shower and then showering wasn't. No. And then so he comes out freshly showered. Mm-hmm. In clothes. I don't remember exactly. Like a robe maybe perhaps? It was like 7 a.m.

He might have come out in a towel. He might have come out clothes. I'm not entirely sure on that one. And you're sitting across the room. I was sitting. It was my apartment. Lou was in the house. Lou had just gone to bed already.

Yeah. Like it was because it was my apartment, but it was a basement apartment on Hemingway in Boston. And it was like – so it was weird. It was like we were in a basement. Yeah, but that's just like your apartment. But it was just my apartment. Like, the only, like, window was a sliding door that went out and up kind of deal. So you're on one side of the room.

He's, like, fresh out of the shower on the other. And he was, like, on the couch. And it's just you two? Just us. TV on? TV was on. Maybe music was on me you're having like a late night beer snack yeah beer yeah and

and he just went wave I crawl over and suck that I'll never forget wave I crawl over and suck that dick I think that's what he said I like what the woman in New Orleans said I feel like that was the woman in New Orleans they both might have said it. This man has been gay groomed and sexually assaulted so many times,

he can't remember which line the assailant said. He definitely said crawl. I think he said crawled over. I'm pretty sure. What's funny is I think there's one thing I learned about this. There definitely is. There 100% is. I remember.

Because I know because the other spin instructors told me they passed it around. They passed it around? They passed it around, the one thing I learned. Oh, passed it around. I do not think he found it funny. Yeah, that like 10-minute video. You offered to suck a blogger's dick. The story might get told at some point.

Seriously, come on. And you said, no, thank you? I said, no, I only had like that. And he said like, okay, like that was it? That was it. So he was just like, maybe you'll say yes thanks i've shot my shot a million times yeah they went no no i'll be honest if i shot my shot after staying up partying doing drugs all night with the single person showering in their it wasn't at one point they were like 30 people. Right, right, right. People were filtering out. But then if it dwindles down

to just us and I shower at her apartment and then I say like, so let's have sex and she says no, I'm going to be like, are you kidding me? Are you goddamn kidding me?

I would definitely leave after that. Yeah, yeah. He didn't. He didn't. He stayed. He stayed. He went and did his spin class in the morning, I think.

I think he went and taught his class. Did he go to sleep or he just like eventually left? No, he just left. He stayed outside the his spin class in the morning, I think. I think he went and taught his class. Did he go to sleep or he just eventually left? No, he just left. He stayed outside the door. It's a class. That's okay. So, I mean, you know, gay grooming, you're not.

Actually, that's what he did when I said no. He started making his playlist for class. Somehow that's gayer. You got gay groomed twice and neither time ended up gay so i think we can definitively say john is straight yeah there he is yeah he looks like he is blonde he looks like he is your type but i i never told anyone uh caitlin would do the art i would never tell her she actually like my parents kind of look like my parents i don't know if she like found pictures they i never told anyone what

anyone looks like in any of the stories can we play a little bit of like when like towards the end where he says suck my dick or we can find out what he says about this i will stand outside the door okay just while i shower and then we can talk i'll entertain you that way he tricks me into thinking that's okay so we go there and he showering, and I'm standing outside the door. This is my apartment, by the way. This is how fucking coward I am. We're in my apartment, and I'm just getting my show run. This guy should have just signed the lease over to this motherfucker.

I'm standing outside the bathroom door. I don't know what the fuck we're talking about. I have no clue. It's 5.30 in the morning. I'm borderline blackout drunk. I got a gay guy showering in my apartment begging to suck my dick. Eventually, there's some silence. He's not responding anymore.

And like a killer sneaking into the bedroom, swings the door open. Guess what's in my living room now? A naked dude. I love when you tell your story. Swear to God. And now, I'm like, dude, what are you doing? I'm not going tell your story. And now, I'm like, dude, what are you doing? I'm not going to fuck you.

I'm like, bro, you've got to put a towel on. You've got to do something. I don't know if kicking a gay guy out of your house and trying to fuck you is a hate crime. I'm all lost. You've got to get dressed. This has got to stop now. Get dressed. Get through your spin class. He says he's just going to go straight to spin. But the one thing he's got to get dressed. This has got to stop now. He gets dressed. He gets ready for spin class.

He says he's just going to go straight to spin. But the one thing he's got to do first is he's got to make a playlist for spin class. Do I mind? I make the playlist in my apartment. Of course I mind. Of course I'm a pussy. I let him make the playlist in my apartment. While he's making the playlist, he decides to show me his dildos.

Pictures of them. Biggest dildos you ever seen in your whole fucking life. Huge things that he puts in his rectum. Just wanted to show it to me, though. They were laid out like a killer's guns. You know when they hear the bad guys are coming up the street and they're like, oh shit, here it is.

And it's just a bunch of perfectly lined up guns. It was this, but dildos. This guy kills his butt with dildos. Anyway, that part I don't care about. That part was kind of fine. It was kind of but dildos. This guy kills his butt with dildos. Anyway, that part I don't care about. That part was kind of fine. It was kind of fascinating for being honest. It was like, whoa, shit. This is interesting stuff.

Finishes the playlist. It was undoubtedly the best playlist ever made. Like, I don't know what was on it. I wish I got a link to Spotify. Because there's no doubt this thing starts with Britney. And this is more Britney, Britney, Britney, Britney. And it's hot. But I don't have it.

He eventually leaves. I I don't have it. Eventually, he leaves. I get to go to bed. I wake up thinking the whole goddamn thing was a fever dream. And I guess the one thing that I learned in all this is that I am fucking that close to being gay just to be polite. I don't remember doing this, obviously. There it is. That's fucking hilarious. This one never made it to YouTube. I, obviously. There it is. That's fucking hilarious. This one never made it to YouTube.

I'm going to upload it tomorrow. That, we need to revive the whole franchise. The one thing I learned in franchises was the most underappreciated thing maybe anybody's ever done at Barstool. The stories are unbelievable. The animation is unbelievable. The whole idea, if you can get once we get the comedy shit rolling

and we have regular shows and people are on stage if you're on stage telling your stories if audience members are telling their stories if you have guests and celebrities and other comics telling their stories I mean that is the perfect franchise that is the perfect story

I mean what's crazy is that's like one of like 20 of these for you it's not like most people like you'll be able to have one thing i learned guests and it's like you know ari shafir our ari probably has a bunch of them but like regular people come on and be like i got this one story and you're like okay you can tell yours and i'll tell my nine there are i mean i'll be honest right like i i i didn't think i was going to be telling that story today i'm shocked at how much i remember well that's that's how you know this shit is like it's like your these are your stories because it's like even the way you were telling it's like the same thing you know what i mean it's like the same words the same i actually i don't

know if i'm i'm impressed by that or disappointed by that where it's like no i mean that's what it's neat it's just like that's it's the story you know what i mean right right i i've told you know when you have when you have a story you just tell it how you tell it that's i mean that's an all-time classic i'm this close to being gay just to be polite but you're not at the end of the day we now know that twice you have turned it down motherfucker but you i just think you will continually be gay groomed because of the you know what you put off yeah yeah on my deathbed you guys win yeah yeah put it this way deathbed or uh you know nuclear holocaust is occurring or something at some point you'll suck a dick oh no. No. A very visceral reaction. Not for me.

Fuck? No, I don't think so. You could do the fucking? You could fucking? I don't think so. You could top? Yeah, that was the straightest thing I've ever seen you do. You quick. I've had

some sex in my day. Stray hair is popping up, and I find it quite repulsive and I think you'd we're all going to act like we've been around a whole hair in a day I just thought you said popping up kind of threw me for a loop I didn't grow in front of my eyes

it wasn't a jack in the beanstalk situation I mean there was a time there was a time i'm like there was a time i i think i'm i i'm a little too young for it even but i dealt with a decent amount when i was young of like like by the time i was like in my like mid to late 20s it was like firmly established like everyone's shaving everyone's getting their assholes waxed every like it was not it's not just like it's not you know what i mean like it's not even a thing yeah you might have like a little landing strip or whatever but like

it was not a like do you do this or do you not like everybody does it you know but like the early early days of me like first hooking up and having sex it was you might run into a a rogue one here or there because it just you know didn't reach her yet or she didn't know how far you have to take it or whatever once everyone started watching porn and everyone started talking and everyone you know everything just spread it was like oh yeah rip the hair off my ass but at the in the beginning it was a little dicey you might run into some situation where it's like, oh, you got to do the back too. You can't just do the front door. You got to do the back door.

You got to clean the tennis court. Come on. Well said. Well said. John, what's the best thing in the world, John? Name the best thing in the world. Boy, off the top of my head, I'd have to say getting high wherever you want, whenever you want without having to worry about black market punk.

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Maybe it'll help. So it was – God, I don't know what year it was. A couple years ago, there was a tweet on February 12th, and it said – I believe it was from a woman. I'm not sure who sent it. And it said, guys, cut your fingernails today because two days after you cut your fingernails is when they're not as sharp. Right. Good for the fingering. And I think about that every single time I cut my nails where I go.

Two days from now. 48 hours. Until 48 hours, don't finger anybody. Yeah, because I actually just cut my fingernails today and they're razor sharp in the beginning. I'm actually a good fingernail cutter. Bad fingerer. Good fingernail cutter. Bad finger. Good fingernail cutter. So I do the ragged around.

Give it a feel. That's freshly cut. I'm not even talking about the edges, though. They are round. Give it a feel. So John is straight. Feel the nails. It's almost too though The straight part

That's just sharp When you cut it it is a freshly It's an edge I could get in a puss with these right now I mean Really from you? She liked the name Margarita too much, so I'm going to call her Margaret instead because that name sucks. Sorry to all my Margarets out there.

I think, though, you know, you – I saw a comic the other day. I forget her name. I just saw it. This is funny. Bring it up She was talking about When you have a finger in your ass How you can feel like everything

Yeah I think she referenced like I think you know He cut his nails like today or whatever And she was saying It's almost like fingerprinting Like we could If we could somehow get inside your asshole

You could fingerprint someone Because it's just so tightly in there I feel like I feel like I could go in there and not – I think you're doing something pretty wrong if your nails are heavily involved anyway. Which is probably why I'm such a good nail cutter because I'm doing wrong things. I don't know. Like if you go in there –

I'm like someone just... I'm fumbling in the dark. You're just in there just rubbing, like, the back. Like, the back of your fingers is getting action. I'm just flailing around. Usually, all you got to do is flail. When you really think about it, flailing is what gets the job done eventually. You're flailing with your fingers.

You're flailing with your mouth. You know, it's just... It's like we always say, the thirsty dog in the summer. Yeah, yeah. is what gets the job done eventually. You're flailing with your fingers, you're flailing with your mouth. It's like we always say, the thirsty dog in the summer. That's what usually gets it done. So it doesn't have to be all precise and shit. I can see if you're doing it wrong and the nails become a problem. Every time I have sex

and they say something like, that was great. You're lying. You're lying.. It's like when you're lying. You're lying. I actually don't assume they're lying, but it's just like when you're playing video games with your friends when you're a kid and it's like, how'd you do that? I don't know, I was just hitting stuff. Do it again, do it again.

I don't know, I can't do it again. I have no idea what I just did. I think that is a very good comparison, very good analogy. The only thing I will say, and this is not – this is kind of tying into your question a little bit. It's not really a piece of advice, but it's just something I've seen enough on the internet, and now I've done enough of my own experimenting. I've had enough empirical uh empirical evidence as they say all i see and hear from literal like actual feedback to the you know the classic tropes of like guys can't find the clit and all that is that it's impossible and i've done it myself we made these jokes these hacky jokes

all for a million you know million years but i know that what i'm doing is not anything it's not like i like researched and read a book or thought about it i literally just go in there and fuck around yeah and i have had i'll just i've had some success you know what i mean like as much as we've always joked around about about it it's like i I don't know. I've always gotten good results and good feedback and things that I can tell are not being faked and stuff like that. And I'm like, I find it to be pretty easy. And the whole internet is telling me how hard it is. I'm like, what are you guys doing? AB, AB, AB.

Yeah, it really is though. It's like it's just there's a basic formula to this shit. But it's still I'm just like, but I'm hitting AB with my palm. See Angela White, by the way? Yes. What did you say? So Angela White, who was on Glennie's show, Only Stands, she said she likes to get her pussy palmed. Then there was a video out saying John did it and did not get good results.

And she said you're doing it wrong i gotta come show you we recently had a video where uh went viral glennie balls was with angela white porn star you may have heard of and she was like you know how you do a great fingering is you use the palm of your hand and and she like had she like took glennie's hand and she like it's a weird move and she like on the clit like yeah

and it's almost like when you're driving the car with your palm oh when a guy does a one-handed turn okay just come bring me your palm

okay this palm yeah what are you trying okay it's can I can I and that was

two consenting adults yeah I was like one night I was with a girl and I was like I'm gonna fucking I'm gonna blow her mind right now like, one night I was with a girl and I was like, I'm going to fucking, I'm going

to blow her mind right now. Okay. No one's seen this before. So I had her legs back and I was like, all right, here we go. And dude, and then it just, it was, it ends up being like, like what? Fold your arm like this. And it's just like, that's what it feels like. It's just so much skin on skin.

Yeah. I see. I'm kind of turned on by it though. But you have to be the right angle. If I was sitting up, that's what it feels like. It's just so much skin on skin. Yeah. I see. I'm kind of turned on by it, though. But you have to be at the right angle. If I was sitting up, I would like it. It's got to be wet. It's got to be really lubricant. No, I think it needs traction.

It was terrible. No. It was terrible. So, Angela White, welcome to the KSU Radio World. You can come on the show now. I will be honest about that. That, I think I didn i didn't like tell that full what happened like that wasn't like that was more me like i was just like there's no way this

is working like yeah i don't it's not like she said stop it wasn't like i i i i i i i was definitely doing it wrong angela but also like it wasn't let's just call that the angela from now on the palm it was like uh like i bailed fast i was like there's no way right so you didn't even give Also, like, it wasn't – Let's just call that D'Angelo from now on. Yeah. The palm. It was like I bailed fast. I was just like, there's no way. Right. So you didn't even give it a chance really. It was just like –

Yeah. I mean, it's like rubbing palm. It's just most of a vagina is skin and it's just skin. It was bizarre. I can see. It's like a little bit of driving with your palm. But I don't know. That, to me, that's my version of your question there is like the advice I've seen or the –

Have you ever sought sex advice? Pervert. Yeah. You're a pervert. Like what would you even do? Like Google it? Read a book about it? There's like the American –

I've watched a video. We've all watched the how to make a girl square video was everyone that that doesn't count and that that literally that's though you get one as soon as i put my mouth everybody was like yeah yeah we know we know the square video how to make a girl square we've all seen it the also very true and effective education. But the rest feels a little bit like it's just as difficult as it might be. There's also only so many parts. You know, it's not like you're assembling an Ikea desk and you need to ABCD1234 these screws this year. You're going to put this one there and that there.

It's like there's some fingers. There's a tongue. There's a dick and a hole. There's only so many things you can do that I don't think you need a whole fucking, I don't know, game plan, lesson plan. Just fucking get in there. With American Pie, they had the book. Yeah, the twister, the tornado. I remember when I was in high school, I was like, no one's given me the book yet.

Where's the book? Even Seinfeld, the thumb, the tongue, the tornado. I remember when I was in high school, I was like, no one's given me the book yet. Where's the book? Even, you know, Seinfeld, the thumb, the tongue, the twist. It's like – Twist the pinch. The pinch. These are all – it's just like, I don't know. I don't think anybody's doing any of that. They're just –

Flying guesses. Yeah, like truly. Flying guesses. Like every time is a snowflake. There's never one, you know, like maybe a couple things that stay the same, but for the most part, it's always just this for this amount of time, that for that amount of time,

this hand, that hand. If I wasn't actively making faces using my facial muscles during sex, my face would be the whole time. I don't know. Yes. You ever help someone clean up after dinner

and you're at their house and you're putting away dishes and you're just like, there? Don't buy notes if I stuff this there. That's it. Dude, me at Deloitte hiding my old work. Looking around going,

is this good? Got away with it. Me at Deloitte hiding my old work. Is that... Looking around going... All right. Is this good? Got away with it. Yes. See what happens here? Yes. Then you kind of wait. Yeah.

Or looking for lights in someone else's house. Like, this one doesn't even work. That's just pushing the fucking light switch. Waiting for it to light up in the behind in the backyard the lights going on but but eventually oh something's happening but here's the thing eventually you usually find the right switch you know it's not like you just sit there forever and never come to the never find the light in the kitchen eventually you get there i just can't understand how people don't get there i hope i don't know maybe maybe not maybe all the girls out there are just still unsatisfied but all i know is get in

there that is great that whole thing that that women have to go through but it's like i don't like this but i'll keep doing it i stopped doing things that i don't i don't enjoy immediately that's well that's the reason that is literally the reason why the human race continues because they will continually get pregnant multiple times. I mean, if I do something that causes me like a little bit of discomfort or annoyance, a little bit, I'll never do it again. They do something that – your life sucks for a year and they're like yep I'll do it again and again and again I'm currently not taking medication that I've been prescribed twice because they put me on

hold once I was going to say even like a little bit of a side effect it's like this might make you a little jittery it did I'm out you know oh oh the first time I didn't take it they were like they were like uh it's uh it kind of makes you tired so find like a

a window where you can be tired and i was like well i have a podcast so that's not gonna work and then they went back to the doctor again after like six months or whatever. And they're like, all right. And then we're just going to run the test to make sure that got cleared up. It's like an antibiotic. And I was like, oh, I never took it. And they were like, what? I was like, what are you doing here now? And I was like, I don't know.

You guys told me to come. And they're like, all right. So we're going to do it again. And so they prescribed it. I went to the fucking pharmacy. I needed prior authorization. I was like, what does that mean? They're like, it's really expensive.

I was like, but the doctor said I need it, right? They're like, yeah. I was like, so then what are we doing here? You just say, you sure, to the doctor, and I have to call back again? That seems crazy. And I'm sure I'm just explaining the American medical system to people who are like, yeah, we have to deal with it for actual medications, not fucking antibiotics. And so then I walked to the doctor.

Remember how I do this? Because when I call my doctor, I can't get him on the phone. And I'm not – I mean the human – You just show up. I mean just – I need medical assistance. Just like a human being. I don't need to talk to the actual doctor. But like a human being. I don't need to talk to the actual doctor.

But like a human being. There's no zero. I don't do that. I don't fucking do it. I will just bum rush your office and talk to you. So I went again. Same thing. Security guard.

And this time I knew he was going to be there. So this time I had my attitude ready. And I was drinking a coffee too. And I feel like I gave him a little more confidence. And I noticed the security guard. He's like, what are you doing here? I was like, I don't have an appointment. He said, so what are you doing here?

I said, so I'm going to go talk to somebody. He backed down fast. The other guy who didn't know how to handle it, he almost called the police on me. This guy's crazy. They said any prior authorization, blah, blah, blah. They were like, all right, we'll handle it.

I go back the next day, picked up some white strips while I was there, waited in line at the pharmacy. I did the move. Where the line was so long at the pharmacy, I looked down at my hand and I went, don't forget, you have white strips. And then my bad part of my brain went, nah, forget it. And so I went to the pharmacy.

They're like, it's still not ready. Some other fucking, I don't know. I'm still not taking the medicine right now. And I was like, well, what am I supposed to do? And they were like, I don't know. It's on the doctor now. I was like, I just went to the doctor. They said it's on you now.

And then they're like, we don't know. We'll figure it out. And I was like, I guess. I don't know They said it's on you now. And then they're like, we don't know. We'll figure it out. And I was like, I guess. I don't know. I'll come back in a day or two. And I was saying that as I was walking out the door. I'm holding it in their face when I was stealing from them. I love it.

This is the cost you get. You fuck with me, I steal these nice strips. I went so far as to go on the website when I got home to find out what the most expensive thing I could have stolen in a pharmacy is. And I got pretty close. I don't know. There's some skin care stuff that was around $70, but it was about $68. I stole it. Thefted from Dwayne Reed.

I stole a milk at the airport the other day. A drink. Like a little thing. It was at one of those Hudson News things, and there was such a line. And I was just like, no. No. You know what they did? It actually infected offices first where everything –

it might have been homes first where everything became open plan, open plan, open plan. Yeah. And then offices became open plan, open plan, open plan. And now stores are. Stores are all open plan now too. I'm not even in a store. If I don't feel enclosed I'm just gonna take this

I'm taking this you know what one of my fattest moves ever did you see what I did when I got back from Canada no I so when I was going to Canada

I was in LaGuardia and I passed the New York Creperie and I had those fucking little pancakes from Amsterdam on my mind

those you know pancakes crepes similar family and i got a caramel marshmallow whipped cream crepe and it was fucking fire and on the way back we landed in the same terminal and i'm walking out and i got crepes to go from the airport. That is... That's a fat trash person move. That is a fat trash person move. Honestly,

it's surely not one of his iconic bits, but that Louis has something about that. Oh, gosh. It's like one of my... I die laughing all the time. I get Auntie Anne's at the airport

I arrived at. That's exactly, I get Auntie Anne's at the airport I arrived at. That's exactly what I did. I got two and I brought them home. I do that at the bars. I'll go to the bar I arrived at. But that's different because you're an alcoholic. This was just like, I want that crepe, but I had already ate. And I was like, I'll just get two and eat them later.

And I did. I was like, whoa, this is walking out of the airport with a fucking steaming box of crepes. It was hot as shit. The bottom was hot. I had to move it around. That is bad, dude. Lucy, nicotine, gum, pouches, and breakers all have three things in common. No tobacco, powerful nicotine, and delicious flavors.

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I guess to put it into am I the asshole terms, am I the asshole? Are you the asshole if you ask for – after a breakup, if you like ask for all your stuff back that you left there? Yeah, I'm with you on that. Is there a limit, though? Is there a certain dollar amount or a thing or enough stuff that if it's like... As long as it's called a breakup,

no, there isn't. Okay. If you left your favorite sunglasses, a nice jacket, all that shit, you don't care? No. Even if it's a nice nice jacket, all that shit, you don't care? No. Even if it's a nice winter jacket, like that big round overcoat you wore for a couple years,

a jacket, you're like, oh, this is my coat for the winter. I don't want any of it. You're just done. I just don't care. Well, I just don't care about anything enough. There's not enough things. I can't think of anything. I don't want anything.

But is it because it's like a breakup thing and it reminds you? Or you're just like, I just don't want to go through the awkwardness of like – It's not like a – Like that means we have to meet up again or like whatever. I guess it depends on the breakup. Yeah. I guess if it goes smoothly, like whatever. Like I tend to – things with me tend to end pretty disastrous. Pretty combustible.

Yeah. It's pretty – It's got to be my fault. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's happened too many times. There's a common denominator. It has to be something I do. I genuinely don't think it's me.

I mean from some of the ones I know about, I don't think it's me uh i mean from some of the ones i know about i don't think it's you i think it gets pinned on you but i think it's decidedly not you the uh it's i i don't actually don't think i i've had like i guess one maybe two i've had one exceptionally amicable breakup we didn't say friends but it was just like we're good we're good okay see you later well i guess it wasn't because I cried. Well, you don't have to be sad. I mean, you should. If you don't have any emotional reaction being dumped,

then it's not even a breakup. It's just like, whatever. But... I don't usually have an emotional reaction. In that situation... That's actually the only time I think I've had an emotional reaction. But that's because that's your defense mechanism. I guess. I don't care. Unless you really didn't like like mechanism i guess i don't care unless you really like didn't like the person then you don't care but like if you like the person you get dumped

you're you're sad on some level but you just don't show it or whatever i mean it's just like i get it yeah three months right right right i think if there's some sort of like if it is amicable and and mature and both people are like i I left my sunglasses, you left your high heels, let's just meet up one time and swap. I won't say no. Here's the thing. If someone reaches out to me, you can come do whatever you want. I'm not going to say no

to you and keep your shit. I am just not going to proactively go get my things unless I leave my kids at your house. You've got to come pick up Shane Keegan. You left it at my house. Kids, obviously, if you live together, again, it's different. If you are not living together –

It belongs to the streets. That is collateral damage in the life of a dating single person. Sometimes you lose your – a girl steals your hoodie. That even happens. Or you leave your jewelry behind. Or in the breakup, you lose the things that you steals your hoodie that even happens or you know you you leave your jewelry behind or in the breakup you lose the things that you brought to that person's house that's the game bro that's that's you got to be prepared for that i had someone asking for their stuff back once and i was like i was like yeah i don't want to see you um but like this is

great it wasn't like i don't want to see you. It was just like I have no use for you anymore. You to her or her to you? Me to her. Where I was like, I didn't say that. No use for you anymore. But that was like, it wasn't like I can't see you. I was like, I don't care. I don't know either.

I was like, I don't want to see anyone else I have no affiliation with anymore. I don't fucking need to see you. I was like, but I'll leave the door open. Just, like, go get your stuff and whatever. And I just sat at a bar that whole time just being like, this was a mistake. Yeah, that is a terrible idea. Hey, here's a woman scorned. You want access to all my things?

I was like, when I turned the corner and I didn't see fire charging from my house I was like holy shit I mean that is it ended up being fine out of all your dumb moves that is spectacularly dumb

I didn't know that I never heard that that is bad folks out of all the things we've ever said like every story every advice

all that do not do that one I was I was so sure like like i like i just accepted it at the bar or just like very least like just ruining things or breaking things yeah at the worst burned to the ground oh positive positive dude well the reason this m.i. the asshole even comes up though is because um is because I come to understand this unicorn situation. I know a couple that broke up without a breakup.

They were pretty serious. There was some, like, where he was from. He wasn't from around here. And it presented a lot of issues like culturally and just geographically and all that shit. And, um, they were kind of like,

they were, they were good and they were serious. Then it got like, they were on the rocks and he went home. He went traveling and they just stopped dating. There was no breakup. There was no conversation. There was one text that was sent that was like along the lines of like, I think we both know what's going on here.

You know, we should probably talk about it. And he said something like, you know, I'll be back home on Sunday. Like, my trip ends. Like, we'll do it then. He got home, like, Sunday. Never contacted. She waited until Monday. She never reached out.

No, you lost him. Sorry. Tuesday rolls around. Like, Wednesday. No, you lost it. Sorry. Tuesday rolls around. Wednesday. I'm starting to laugh. I'm like, this is funny. It's going days. Little do I know, weeks go by.

I think we're now into months. And she was just like, I'm back on the dating apps. I don't know if there's any unfollowing or blocking or anything along those lines on social media. But they just started living their single lives again. It was amazing. Now, now, now. The reason I bring up the am I the asshole is because she's throwing a wrench in it by trying to get her stuff back. And I'm like, you were scot-free.

And I really don't think it's a ploy like she wants to get back with him. That's what my first thought would be. Like, oh, I really think she just wants her belongings. I almost want to write her a check and be like, here's the fucking cash value of that. Because what you just experienced is the unicorn. It's the lottery it's the it's what we all dream of if that could if everybody could do that relationships and dating like it would be amazing there's no breakup they just they just both knew what was going on

sensed it knew that there was no future just did it the it's incredible like why would you why would you ask for your stuff back like you know that it's what you you're throwing a perfect game like don't go yes like it is it's like it's like all of a sudden like i'm gonna go out there and like throw lefty it's like no like it's it's it's my pineapple text idea without even the pineapple. The idea of I always had – we need a symbol that you can text somebody that when it gets bad, you send them the pineapple emoji. And that means I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I don't want to be in this relationship anymore. And this is me just telling you let's make a clean break, and you just write back thumbs up, and you both go your separate ways. You don't get closure. None of that. None that it's just it's over but they didn't even

need the pineapple it was just it was like some jedi shit they just like looked at each other and knew it i don't even think it's it's that like yes to an extent but if you think about some of your best relationships in your life and then this isn't of the opposite sex. It could be of either one. It's unspoken. I don't get closure. I don't need closure. I don't understand closure. People who talk about that.

Closure is just something people use to fuck you one more time and see you one more time and have one more conversation. I need closure. This isn't a movie. And you know what? Really?

You really want your closure? Let's boil it down to its most basic form. Closure is I analyzed my life, and I said it's better without you in it. You want to hear that? You really want to hear that? That's going to give you closure, and I have to list the reasons why

because you do this, you do this, this, and this, and this, and I want that out of my life, so I'm choosing to get rid of you. There's your fucking closure. Does that make you feel better? Because I feel like a piece of shit now. But, like, all of my best relationships just ended like that. Where it just, like, fizzles and you just.

And mine are all of the same. Like, all of my best friends, like, when I was a kid, like, we didn't have, like, a conversation. Yeah, you just kind of grew apart. We just kept living our lives. Yeah. And we saw each other. Less and less.

Less and less. And then we just kind of stopped seeing each other. And if we saw each other, it would be great. I also think that some of my best relationships, everything is kind of unspoken. Like if you – I mean I can't even think of many friendship situations where like I've messed up or done something wrong or whatever. But let's say you piss your friend off or you do something that hurts their feelings or whatever. It's kind of like a,

yo, man, like, yeah, it's cool. You know what I mean? Like we don't need to say I'm sorry and here's what I did. It's just kind of like, all right, we're good again, cool. Like the real ones are the ones where you don't need to say it all

and explain it all. But even that is like with like your current friends. Like I'm talking about my elementary school friends who I don't see anymore and stuff like that. I saw them. Oh, what the fuck's up, man? How you feeling? I get sex changes and all that stuff. People who I would have

considered my best friends and the most important people in my life, I haven't talked to in 30 years. If I saw them, it would be great, but we just kind of started to do less and less and less. That is what you just said. The sex changes be great but we just kind of just like yeah we started less and less and less and less that that it's it's what you just said the sex changes everything but like if you can apply that to relationships it's just that you're mad because like that person's been inside you or you told

you that person you love them and then they like do the same thing to you but when you know your path goes this way and their path is going that way and all people do in relationships is try to make the paths smush together and they're just magnets they're just opposing magnets the paths are just always going to bounce back just recognize that and just let it go imagine having that phone call like you ever talk to your buddies he's like i got a job in like austin like fuck yeah yeah, dude. That's awesome. Congratulations. Imagine you just don't want to see your girlfriend. Yeah. Right.

Go ahead. Yeah, I got a job in LA. Cool. Cool, man. Congratulations. Great. But that, you know, to have that. Are we breaking up?

No. Are we staying together? Also, no. I don't know. Why are you asking me these questions? I got a job in LA. I'm just going to LA. We'll see what happens.

I think if that, if more people could do that, I don't think they can. I mean, I've never heard of that. Never. Never. I kept asking for updates. I don't give a fuck about other people's relationships. Did anybody make contact? Nothing?

No? Not even a text? Not him? Not you? What? Oh, my God. How long has this been? I mean, it is spectacular.

The non-breakup breakup. Put it in the books. I mean, I think the only time it's ever happened in fucking human history. The only time you can see us on tour for one show. We're coming to your town. One show. We've got a couple on the books

right now. The one show tour is coming to you. Presented by Pied of Water. We have way more on the books than we've announced. Yeah, we gotta get the words out there. Can you pull them up? Because I don't know what they are. July 13th, we're in Jersey City. October 19th and 20th,

Columbus. Columbus and Pittsburgh, they're not on sale yet, but Columbus and Pittsburgh to add on to Minneapolis, Detroit and Buffalo buffalo and then jersey city's coming up for july we're taking off for for taking off for august because it's just like a dead time of the year so uh jersey city we're keeping it local for everyone who's like come to jersey why are you always in new york we're coming buy your tickets now yeah dollar

slices july 3rd 12th k KC Radio, July 13th. Dollar Slices is already sold out, right? Yes. Dollar Slices is going to fly every time we put it out there. We'll probably be doing an August edition of Dollar Slices. That's like a true blue stand-up comedy show, rotating guests, each doing a few sets. Real comedy show. That's going to sell out instantly like every time. And KC Radio live in Jersey City, Columbus, Pittsburgh,

and then Minneapolis, Detroit, and Buffalo. So go get your tickets now. Go to KC Radio's social media, and you can get tickets. One show only. We are not adding shows. We are not adding dates. If it sells out, that's it. Don't bank on them adding one for Thursday or Saturday.

No. If it's one show, that's it. Get your tickets, and we'll be there. Yeah. October 19th, Newport Music Hall in Columbus, and October 20th, Stage AE in Pittsburgh. Let's go. All right.

Voicemails. Oh, there was a viral tweet going around. I don't know if you guys want to do this I just switched off of it the tweet said I believe all men are convinced that with just the help of

the air traffic control they can land a plane in an emergency situation all men are so dumb i mean that's silly i'm not convinced i can cut kevin's lawn on a riding mode i was gonna say i who are these people i guess back in the day the uh like you know men rule the roost and run the household and make the money and make the decisions. And you probably just start to be like, I do everything and I can do everything.

But I don't know. These days, I'm like, who are these guys with confidence? I don't want to do anything, dude. Like, I don't like to do anything out of my comfort zone. We were in Canada. They wanted to go skeet shooting. And I was like, I'm not going to be good at that. I don't know how to do that.

I don't want to do that. I don't want to, like, people, I don't want to go golfing. I don't know how to golf. I don't know how to do anything, and I don't want to try to do anything. I certainly can't land a fucking plane. I would crash. It's crazy. It is like, I was home last

weekend, and I was driving my dad's boat, and like, the risks are so much lower with that. Even that, when you were doing that, I was like, oh, John can park a boat and navigate through the dock and everything. I was like, that's impressive. I can't do that, and I never would.

But I'm not comfortable doing it. I'm not. Yeah, that's one of those things. I remember one time we were parking at the restaurant and it was kind of hard, and I was like, oh my God, if this was me, I'd be like, we're not going, guys. We're going back and we get the car. I'm going to

drive to the restaurant. I can dock. I don't enjoy it. It's far less risk. If anything, I think this tweet is reversed. I think girls are the ones who are like, what makes you think you know how to interior decorate

or all these things that they want to do? It's like, I don't know. We're all just stupid people with limited skills. Shut up. Like three. Yeah. Get out of here. All right.

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What are you drinking? It's pirate water. Let's all get some pirate waters and have ourselves a night. So drinkpiratewater.com to get it delivered right to you. Or look at your local Walmarts, grocery corner stores bodegas gas stations grab what two maybe three of those and you are set for the night drinkpirewater.com or go to gopuff and have it delivered what's up chicken heads um you guys have definitely talked about this before but i had one of the weirder is my phone listening to me situations that I've had before last night.

So I made some tacos recently. Shout out HelloFresh. And I used my nice cast iron pan. And I don't know if you guys use cast iron pans, but they take a decent amount of care. And if you kind of neglect them, they lose their seasoning. And I was being a little lazy. I didn't wash the pans in a few days, and mine kind of started to get a little degraded.

And I'm kind of scrubbing at it, trying to get it all better. And I'm like, oh, I'm going to have to figure out how to re-season this pan. Not saying anything to anybody, home alone, nothing was said out loud, didn't text or anything. Nothing was said out loud, didn't text or anything, and I go to bed, open my phone, and the first Instagram reel is from Cast Iron Chris. 180,000 followers, all about cleaning, taking care of your cast iron pan. First off, like, how the fuck does the phone know? I know it's kind of like the technology talks to each other, doesn't listen to you, but I think that's bullshit. And have you guys had any crazy your phones listening to you situations?

Well, what I think I've learned recently, at least I was told, is that it's also like you – your phone is affecting my phone and your searches. And like so – I'm like i didn't even bring it up but like you might have and then my phone knows that i spend 90 of my time with you so you know so that that kind of threw me for a loop where it's like oh that's just what's happening there but when you i've had some times where you you don't say anything you just think a thought and i think that's probably just coincidence, but I don't know, man. Sometimes I'm like, I don't know. I don't know.

That's just crazy. It is. It's just crazy. The one I've had. Maybe is he going to hear you, like, rattle in the pots and pans in your fucking kitchen? Like, is Alexa listening to, like, not just, like, you, but, like, your life and all that? Because it's like, oh, that's the sound of silverware and dishes he's cooking. He likes to

cook. Here you go. I guess. I don't know. You guys should do a skit on that. I just want someone to just be making weird noises. We don't know what the fuck is going on with this guy.

We can't recommend anything for him It's just screaming noises all the time in his house Why am I getting these It's like because you're screaming in your sleep I had um The other day I don't know if it was after we talked about T-shirts or what I keep getting t-shirt ads now

Well you sent me a bunch You sent me those links But this's been going on before that yes i got them a lot i actually did a screenshot last night after saying the links but like i've been getting them a lot anyway and this is this is like the the sales tactic that a lot of the t-shirt companies use and it's just it's it's just one person not wearing a shirt that fits. I will say this though. This is the problem that I have. It is just that the shirt doesn't fit.

But if there was a shirt that – the picture is a guy lifting his hands up and the shirt goes up too high. My shirts shrink and it feels like it shrinks more upwards than it does like shrinking around the sleeves and the collar and the chest and stuff. That's probably not happening. But it's like everything else still fits me. But it just went up like six inches. Really? It's not that. I mean I had a moment the other day. I like tried on boxers i put on a shirt i was like all of these things are not fitting now it's it's i do believe

in the the whole thing about this the size has changed but it's the body is growing it's not it's not the clothing but that that is i mean i that is my number one problem. I have a long torso, so the shirt used to go down to lower than your pants. Now it's right at the top of your pants, and if you move at all, you're exposing your stomach. If I have to reach for anything, you're seeing gut. It's terrible. But it's just like that shirt in general is too small for you. Just get another one. But any shirt that's like – then I tried to get a custom one that was like a little longer.

It was a fucking dress. Too long, yeah. It's like god damn it. But I mean I can't even think of the time. I've had several of those where I was like, bro, we did not even say it and it pops up. It's just becoming more and more common. I don't know what it is. I mean –

Yeah, like this question is kind of like – I don't want to repeat is. I mean... Yeah, like, this question is kind of, like, I don't want to repeat myself, but we kind of talked about it the other day. Like, mine are all just gay stuff. I don't know. I don't know. You're getting gay groomed. Yeah, fucking...

Alexis Gay Groomed you. Big Texan on it, too. Everyone knows I'd be a fucking unicorn, man. Next up. KFC, fights, Nick, Jackie, everyone else. I think I got a fix for baseball. Everyone's been complaining about the pitch clock and games taking forever. All the fights was talking about the high school games last longer than the MLB game went now.

I think I got a fix for it. Start the games around 530, 6 o'clock. Start the broadcast still at 7. But give it an abbreviated first two innings. It's just pitch by pitch. They're still getting every pitch, adding foul balls. If a fan does something funny, you can cut to that still. But then somewhere around 8 o'clock or so, it's catching up live to the game.

And you're in the seventh, eighth inning. You get the last three or four innings live. Any action that actually matters is still there. I think that kind of satisfies the baseball heads and the casuals like me. Got a nice two-hour game in there. I don't know. Let me know what you think about that. Also, the word news,

fun fact, is an acronym for northeast, west, south. All the stuff around you, that's where it comes from. Have a good day. That's true. You've heard that, boy? Dude, how was he driving with that thing rattling? You ever do that when you're driving and you start touching everything? What is it?

What is it? I didn't quite – I'd be like hitting the fucking – I'd push the top. Sometimes it's just the ceiling. You flip your keys. Oh, my god, dude. My –

You think that's just a little loose. My haunted house has faucets that are really old and if you close it and leave it a little bit, I think just the pressure and the air and the water, it screams. It goes like

really loud. But you just turn it all the way off and you're good. The other day I flushed the toilet and I think just like the water pressure of like the whole – it's all connected. And it started screaming. And I was just like, what the fuck is going on? I mean it sounds like a baby like – and it is so fucking loud. It's a a baby. Like, yeah! And it is so fucking loud. It is. It's a goddamn joke. I didn't quite get his idea.

Like, if you go pitch by pitch, then it would last the whole game. I feel like every game is pitch by pitch. So it would need to be expedited, like show the important pitches. But it's not a bad idea. I think he's saying, like, cut out, like, even throwing it back to the pitcher and stuff like that. And, like, them on the mound. That I don't think is just a good. I think I would rather watch highlights. But the problem is what if all the good shit happens in

the first inning yeah so what they should do is not it shouldn't be live sports shouldn't be live anymore go back to the 1980s yeah and then we can be like you know it's like when you watch a rewind and they're like let's fast forward to the fourth inning now like that that's where it's at that slurs are gonna skyrocket on the field i loved your tweet the other day about uh let's it's and i and i am a card carrying member i'm the president of this fan club i get excited every time we need to stop with the slam ball reboots it's been rebooted five times and it clearly has never worked it lasts one year every time maybe that's it though maybe they're like, we just slam ball season once a year. But it's almost like you guys have a league.

It just changes hands every year. It is. It's like 2006, 2007, 2014, now 2023. It's crazy. I'm going to see if I have it. It's a strange thing. The world likes sports, and they like entertainment. And except for wrestling and American Gladiators back in the day,

which there's a new documentary out that I'm going to love watching. I don't know what it's on, but there's a documentary about American Gladiators out now. Combining the two just doesn't – they don't really like – you know what I mean? It needs to be real sports or not, but there is something cool about slam ball. I don't want to watch a Slam Ball game. I want to watch Slam Ball, like, YouTube highlights. So if they were just, like, we're a company that just makes highlights, I'd be like, good. But no one's ever going to care about, like, the fucking, you know, River City Skyhawks or some shit.

It's like, nobody's going to be a fan of a team in Slam Ball, but I do want to see it. But there's only, like, two dunks you can do. You get too high. There's some cool shit, bro. It's not enough to last two seasons. Well, that's the thing. It went from 2002 to 2003, 2007 to 2008, 2012 to 2012, 2016 to 2016. Every four years.

Every four or five years. It's president. We're running for office office and we're getting back slam ball you guys think maybe we put trampolines under these things it'd be sick

yeah it'd be dope isn't that so there are certain things in the world it's the most cocaine business idea I've ever heard in my life

but it's there it's a coke head business that are also coke head interests like there are things

that I love that I'm not gonna watch i'm not gonna watch slam ball if you ask me about slam ball i love it i think it's so cool i remember it i have nostalgia for it it's amazing i do i did watch it i don't know why i don't know how but i i wasn't following it like a sport but i do very fondly remember that and then it's like if you were to bring it back american gladiators is another thing i would never in a million years sit down and watch american gladiators now they brought it back like a decade ago maybe even longer i think it did have a little bit of success

uh i i would tell you fuck yes american gladiators is coming back and then i would never watch the xfl uh he hate me uh never watch a game there's just certain things that it's like how but how do you like capture that interest without like bot like putting all your money into a fucking failing league or product or show or whatever you know all the all the reboots like even like cobra kai which that one is very successful so i it's just for me personally like i love the karate kid and it came out on YouTube and I kind of watched it and I kind of talked about it but I never really cared. It's like – it's that nostalgia play where I really do care about it and I really do like it and I want to talk about it and all that shit but I'm probably not going to do it again. But I guess if there's people like me, there are people who would go a step further and do want to consume it all.

But I think there is a lot of that where it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. I'm not going to actually do it. I'm not going to actually give you my money or time. It's like – I mean I guess it's like the internet and it's trying to profit and capitalize off things. It's like nostalgia – not so much anymore, but there was a time when like nostalgia was it on the internet.

Oh, yeah. And it was just like we love talking about these things i'm sure you like to reminisce money actually when like we will just do it again it's like oh no i don't want that i just wanted to do you know what i really think it is podcasting yeah i think it's i want to hear a podcast about it i want to reminisce about it talk about it remember it have you bring up oh i forgot about that you're right that was a great podcast episode i've got my slam ball ball feel or a blog like nostalgia blogs used to always play i'll put the highlights in i'll you know write about the biggest moments everybody who reads it goes like

fuck yeah and then they go back to their regular sports or regular entertainment you don't need a whole league you don't need any of that nostalgia Nostalgia is just a quick little hit, but what we do is we're basically nostalgia traffickers. That's really what it is. All right, last one, and then we'll get into our interview with who? Michael Chandler. What? Michael Chandler.

Michael Chandler. Hey, Pat, Jackie. Just a quick question. So recently for my job, I had to sit in and observe a four week long murder trial where the victim was a baby. And one of the jurors in the case wore a different hockey jersey every single day. I'm talking like literal photos of a dead baby being put up in the courtroom and homeboy just has a different hockey jersey on every single day and so my question to you guys is is what is technically the most inappropriate yet somehow still technically appropriate thing you can think that somebody could wear to jury duty because i think a hockey jersey and a dead baby case is pretty up there bro that's on that is one of the funniest things i've ever heard

the thought of that guy waking up being like mark messier today throwback like today i'm gonna wear this and then walk in and be like so here's what the baby's head was caved in. Oh, my God. It's jurors day. If I fucking showed up to jury duty and I saw a juror, on day one, I'd be like, something to keep an eye on. Yeah. Day two, I think is a little weird. Is there not a dress code? You can wear whatever you want.

There is. I've gotten called for jury duty twice, both times I got out of it. But I came dressed in shirt and tie. No one else abided by that at all. Like, if you look it up, it's like this is what you wear. It's 2023. Like, you're lucky if you get someone to put on pants with a fucking button on them. Yeah.

It's like you should be honored that this guy put a jersey on. But by day three, if I'm on trial, for no matter what, the guy rolls in. First two days, he's in a hockey jersey. Guy rolls in day three in a hockey jersey. I was like, I'm on trial, for no matter what, the guy rolls in. First two days, he's in a hockey jersey. Guy rolls in day three in a hockey jersey. I was like, I'm going home. That piece of shit isn't finding me guilty of anything. I'm fucking out of here.

We're talking about a little murdered baby, and that guy's going to be going, well, I don't know. Come on, boys. It's been there, right, boys? Fucking dude. I would be – I'm fucking kidding. I'd be like – I'd start – I'd have my feet up there in this car aisle. Tell the judge to shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up, dickhead.

I got my one. I – I'm going to take you out back, rough you up. Don't watch your mouth, okay? I can't – I mean – First of all, imagine getting jury duty and you get selected I can't I mean I can't first of all imagine getting jury duty

and you get selected and it's for a fucking dead baby it's like I couldn't have had like a traffic like infraction I'd be like no

yeah for real you look at these pictures no I'm actually surprised that they even find a jury if they ever ask the question like are you capable

of handling this I'd be like no I'm not I found out the fine for if you miss it it's yeah you don't have to go to jury duty it's not that much I'll just take whatever I think it's a thousand dollars If they ever ask the question, like, are you capable of handling this? I'd be like, no, I'm not. I found out the fine for if you miss it. You don't have to go to church. Yeah.

I'll just take whatever punishment. Sure. I'm not looking at dead babies for like six weeks. But, I mean, the thought of that guy just being like, what do you mean? What's the problem? I mean, yeah, I got to go to church, dude. But after that, I'm hitting the roller rink. You guys didn't like PJ Stock? What the fuck?

That is great. I am struggling to even – I got to know if it's the same team. I don't know why that – if he's just a diehard Jersey guy or if he's a diehard Bruins guy. Right, right. Which is it? I'm struggling to think of anything. Really excited about the Centennial logo being back.

To answer your question, I don't know if I can come up with something better than that. I mean, that is so – Yeah, because that is so perfectly – Like it's not wrong. Right. You're fine to do it. You could be like, oh, he showed up in BDSM gear. That's just like wonky. This is like – it's his regular attire.

Whatever else he does in his life, he can wear hockey jerseys to it, I guess. And he's just not thinking about the fact that – in his mind he can wear hockey jerseys to it i guess and he's just not thinking about the fact that you know in his mind he's probably just like it's yeah i mean it's tragic there's a dead baby i have to put clothes on today what do you want me to do he like if you i don't understand the issue it wouldn't yeah he wouldn't even register i mean i guess it's a little bit like you could you could make the argument it's like i don't know you you you worried about like your dress and your heels that day that's kind of equally i don't know you know yeah it's like the whole point is that a dead baby would make you feel like nothing else in the world

matters so who cares if he's wearing a hockey jersey but no it is something does matter and wearing a hockey jersey to the dead baby trial is it that's the line i didn't know i had a line i found it you can't do that come on like that's so outrageous the writers of jury duty didn't think right they wouldn't they had chair pants he'll know he's on a reality show yeah yeah someone shows up in a st louis blues jersey every single day that is a great point i I am also glad that that came up because it reminded me of something, of just someone being wholly and genuinely who you are despite the circumstances. And that would be one Stephen Jay. Brother.

That tweet was so bad, but it's so Che that it's just like you said. I completely came around on it too. I don't think it's bad at all. It is. But why is it any different than someone being like, oh, I remember watching Malibu play at Arkansas? Because he said the end of it was to hype himself up as a fantasy football drafter. That was fine.

If he just said my thing in life is fantasy sports and i'll always have fond memories of like him performing when he was like it like he was great he was great for savvy drafters like me that is insane the savvy drafts like me is very that is crazy and also throwing in that he was only a 51 speed when someone when you're eulogizing someone just talk about the good things you don don't have to talk about his failures. I actually find a strictly positive eulogy boring. I like that. He was like, by the way, slow is all hell.

Slow is all hell. I'm great at this shit. See you later. Thanks for the memories. It was. Dude, that tweet was nuts. That was so... And then also, like,

I've made mistakes on the internet before and I've fought like the tides. But usually it's like a matter of like when I did the Tiger Woods thing and everyone was like, you're being insensitive. And I was like, I have a fucking reason here. Like when I – I thought that the Tiger Woods car crash was a hoax. Oh, yeah. Because it was like this played out – this reads exactly like a hoax. I thought it was a hoax. It wasn't. Because it was like, this played out, this reads exactly like a hoax. I thought it was a hoax. It wasn't.

And they were like, you're being insensitive. I was like, no, I wasn't. But something like that where it's just like, everyone's like, bro, that's a little fucked up. And you're just like, nope, nope, this is fine. It's like, I don't know. I think that was like autism in a tweet. I was like, you can find where you are on the spectrum if you would send this tweet or not. There you go.

There's your answer. Savvy drafters like myself. Never change, Jay. Never change. All right. Let's get into our interview with Michael Chandler. Very funny dude from MMA. He's also on UFC with the Ultimate Fighter.

So he's dealing with McGregor right now. He's going to have a fight with him eventually. So let's get into it. KFC Radio with Michael Chandler. Go get your merch. Go get your merch. It's available now at store.barstoolsports.com. We've got Sad Boy stuff available.

We've got Moon Man stuff. We've got all sorts of KFC Radio t-shirts. All sorts of... I don't know if that Internet Ruin Everything sweatshirt is out yet. They have not texted it to me. That will be coming out. By the time you're listening to this, we'll probably make sure that that's in the store. The Internet Ruined Everything.

If you're from our generation, if you're from our era, if you live in today's world, you agree with us. You know what we're talking about. It's a fire design. It's a great mantra. We all can relate to it. Not the rollout I intended intended but we had to rush it for Drake so in spite of Drake

buy it now Drake should have to go buy some Drake should have to post this on his on his Instagram titles ruin everything the internet ruined

the internet ruined everything but we're putting it out go get it store.barstoolesports.com that was my man Bobby Fox yeah he's great

have you done anything with him before? Or was this his first time? That was, I had met him before, but I had never done an interview yet. We got him, he was emailing us when he was 13 years old. Oh my gosh. To work for us. He was emailing us t-shirt ideas, like put this on a shirt and sell it. And then he turned 18, got an internship.

I think he went to one semester of college. And we said, fuck it, dude. Just drop out. He's been here ever since. That's so crazy. He's been here like 10 years. He's still like 25. That's crazy, man.

His big breakout was... Oh, my God. Can we even say it? I don't know. Actually, maybe. So we can tie this in. We can tie some weird fucking shit in. Where do you fall on the, and this will make sense.

This is not coming out of nowhere. Where do you fall on the idea of fighters who, what do they call it? Like keeping your nut or something like that? Oh, yeah. When you don't come before your fight. I don't really ever think about it. Yeah. Yeah, no. so i'm definitely

just like god whatever i i guess i understand the idea of like you probably just build up fucking testosterone but to me i feel like you got to be like sharp and you got to be thinking clearly when you fight and i would not be i'd be like oh god well i think what i honestly think the origination of it was if you're a coach and you're like, hey, dude, don't go out there chasing girls. Because if you're chasing girls, you're most likely going to be partying, staying up late. It's more mitigating. Yeah, no, I could be wrong.

That's what Lawrence Taylor used to do. LT used to send hookers to the other guys. The other hotels. Yeah. That was gangster. Find word of whether or not they went through with it or not yeah you don't know the next day nfl in the 80s i'm sure they were all this is all to say that when when bob was first interning this is like probably highly illegal

we there was a story like in the news about a guy who claimed he uh didn't ejaculate for like some crazy amount of time wow it was like he's like wow what the fuck is this it was something silly like hundreds of days and we were like that's not possible so the new kid on the like on the block was like i'll i'll be like your test and he was like i won't i won't do anything girls or otherwise. And he made it to 19 days. He came into the office. He was like, I came to my sleep last night. Oh, dude, I'm telling you. That's the risk that you run, dude.

It never ends. Just to let you know, you know. Anyway, it's crazy to open up with that. As soon as I said that, I was like, why did you say that, John? I know, but that's what I'm saying. I love that he was just honest about it. He's like's like well nobody would ever know if i didn't say yeah yeah he was such a man of honor i was i was like you didn't yeah you swear you didn't he would always go no come out of this dick yeah and that's why he's uh that's why he's still that's why

uh so you are uh i guess a coach slash captain slash you know mentor everything my coach right now yeah um up against mcgranger yep um i mean everybody knows what he's like as a you know fighter and a showman and all that now you're kind of seeing another side of him um what's your i feel like your style was a little bit different at least in the early episodes that i've seen as far as the way you guys approach it yeah a little bit i mean for me it was more about you know it's it was all about my fighters obviously um but when you go into this knowing who you're up against i mean it's connor he's very good with the camera when the cameras come on he he's different than whenever he's just you know he turns into the notorious conor mcgregor the showman right and who he was on monday could have been different than who he was on tuesday

just to just to throw you for a loop just to show up on wednesday spit and venom you know so you're kind of always on eggshells but um that's the the beauty and that was the exciting challenge of me going and doing this being locked in vegas for five weeks or whatever it was so it was uh that is a frustrating part of doing content. Obviously, you've done content in your life. But when you're like, dude, this isn't who you are. Yeah, I know you're faking it. But I can't really blame you.

I understand we're both on a show right now. But God fucking damn it. I wish I could just say this isn't who you are. Yeah, that was the thing though too. Cause it was, it was definitely filmed more like a sports documentary than it was a reality show in a lot of ways. There was no scripted, Hey, this is going to happen. He's walking in here.

Hey, you know, this guy's going to say this, make sure you do something or, you know, it was, it was very just, Hey, we're a fly on the wall. Do what you're doing. But yeah, ultimately there was these certain things that we had to set up, like going into the coaches challenge or going into weigh-ins or whatever, where we'd be hanging out for 10, 15 minutes or whatever. Then be like, hey, guys, it's time to go. And you kind of like jump around a little bit and then get ready for the cameras where I'm just like, I'm the same. And maybe I would be a better showman if I wasn't. Yeah.

I feel like you got to be you, though. There's nothing, you know, if you are, if you're Conor McGregor and you're a showman and you go make a billion dollars doing it, obviously hats off, you know? Yeah. But if you're not that,

and you try to be that, there's nothing worse. Yeah. I'd rather someone who's even keeled and just says like, here's how I do it. Maybe it's not the flashiest thing in the world rather than you try, try to fake that. Cause you can smell that a mile.

You really can. And I think Conor has created a tough spot for a lot of these young fighters who come in and they think they need to create this brand or this persona. Yeah, I bet. And it just – if it's not you and you can't pull it off, it just – it comes across inauthentic. I noticed that in the first – when you guys showed up to pick your teams, and it wasn't over the top, but it was

the, I forget his name, but it was the bald guy who ended up losing in the first episode. But he came in and he had on, like, nothing over the top, but it was a good jacket, he was wearing sunglasses inside, and I was like, why are you doing this? You're trying to do a thing. It is.

Fight. Well, but I get it though i mean yeah because you can be a mediocre fighter and but if you're an electric personality you can probably make as much money maybe even more money than if you were a good fighter who keeps your mouth shut so the nil deals now yeah that's like i'm not that good but i got a lot of tiktok followers i know i you know, I got charisma. Yeah. All that.

The younger generation understands that branding social media and just creating your persona more than, you know, some other people did. But ultimately, yeah, me, I just, I was like, hey, I'm going to just be who I am. And if I end up making a ton of money, that's great. If I end up underperforming or under-earning, that's great. But at least I know I am who I am. See, did you? There's certain times too where people talk about my post-fight speeches

where I take the big inhale and start screaming in the microphone and calling out Conor and all these different things. That's something that I had never done before when I was in Bellator and now in the UFC. But, yeah, I mean ultimately who you are is who you are it is it's such like um i guess cliched or like landing where you say like like i stayed true to myself and that it like it is important because it just makes your life so much easier like you know when it's used i always feel like it's almost kind of used as like a get out of jail free card where it's like

well i didn't have to do that because i stayed true to myself but it is like so much easier to get up in the morning but yeah like yeah like i i just have to go be me today yeah some days it's harder than others but you at least know you don't have to do that extra thing that day right yeah you can always be yourself yeah yeah like i can maybe people get tired of that but if you like this this will go on forever because i was being you know me yeah that's so that's what i've always kind of focused on and that's all not to say just disclaimer like i don't think you would ever say well connor's two-faced or he's fake no yeah like you're right right people who understand understand i mean whenever connor it's almost like when he just wants to turn it on he'll turn it on and there was times where even in that very first scene in the first episode we're kind of

we meet each other we had met each other before but that we were kind of talking and yeah everything was cordial until it wasn't when he's like you do what you told and yeah it's like friends enemies what's going on here dude i was like your face i was like yeah i mean i i don't know it's like you gotta detach a little bit but at the same it's real but it's not real. It's like, all right, I know you're hamming it up. But clearly, that's what you think. You think that you can do that to me.

So now fuck you. Yeah, exactly. So mine and Connor's relationship was very, I think, good during the season. Of course, there's little ins and outs of it all, the ups and downs and the tension and whatnot. But ultimately, we have a ton of respect for each other, I believe's i have a ton of respect for him and what he's created for the life that he has created he's got a ton of respect for me and my my resume my athletic prowess who i am as a fighter and then uh we got to spend a month and a half together down there in vegas and so it was it was fun and is there going to be a fight there's going to be a fight yeah it's

still a little bit like up in the air. Well, the fight. You've got to get back in USADA and all that. Yeah, I mean. So the timing of it is up in the air, but it's locked in that you guys will fight. Yes, it's more the timing. I mean, when you think about the UFC, the biggest mixed martial arts corporation or promotion on the planet, trying to put together Conor, myself, I mean, all these different cards. These guys are putting out fires nonstop. So they haven't even announced you know october card november card let alone maybe if we fought in december based on usada if it's six months all

that kind of stuff so i don't put too much stock into it a lot of people are interested when it's going to happen when's connor coming back when's our fight going to happen now that we're building it with the ultimate fight and all that kind of stuff. So I understand, I understand people's eagerness to get the answers, but also you just a victim of the circumstance of it all. I'm just, I'm just, I'm just enjoying the ride. I'm the guy,

Connor's the guy we're going to end up fighting sometime that historically the coaches of the ultimate fighter have never not fought. And I don't think Connor would ever want to delve into his legacy being tarnished by him coming back and not being the guy. That's got to be a pain in the ass, so being in that, and I'm sure you've dealt with it your whole life, so you're an expert, but being in that waiting period where you're like, I've got to stay in shape.

Not that you've ever let yourself go, I'm sure. What's the most you've ever let yourself go? That's a good question. It's a good question most of the time it's it's only been injuries if i've ever had an injury because one of the hardest things about fitness or staying in shape or living a healthy lifestyle everybody knows it's much easier to stay in shape than it is to get it to get in shape that's right that's my that's right you know exactly so like so if i've ever had an injury where i you know i broke a foot or I might have hurt a knee or whatever and I'm out for 6, 8 weeks 12 weeks getting back feeling a little body fat

walking up the stairs and be like I'm supposed to be a professional athlete I don't care who you are stairs kicks everybody's ass slightest incline I'll talk to my mom on the phone what are you doing? I'm running mom

on mile 4 I've had a couple injuries like that where i'm like okay i'm 195 and i'm a little a little chunky a little rough around the edges and definitely not in shape body starts not feeling so great because the more i train actually the better i feel from a even muscle and tendons and ligaments and joints and stuff. So that's a tough part about it all. So the jump from Bellator, I feel like it's a big deal when, you know, like you said, UFC is the biggest. And I think there's always, it's kind of like considered the major leagues, if you will.

Sure. And there's always a question of like, well, can he do it? And then when you do it, that's got to feel great. It's got to be like a big fuck you to anybody who doubted it. Yeah. That's got to be big for the Bellator guys who are like, we told you, you know, we're a legit, as legit as they are. That's, that's a big win for a lot of people.

Yeah. It was, it was UFC too. They're like, yeah, sure. Come on. You know? Yeah. And it was a tough decision too, because I was, I was leaving the virtual certainty of, of the rest of my career and an organization that I helped build. I helped build well tour. They helped build me. Um, it was a

good symbiotic relationship and I could have just wrote it out the rest of my career, making, making good money. I was being taken care of, but something in me knew that the 40 year old me who was retired, wasn't going to be able to sleep at night knowing what if, what if I would have went to the UFC? What if I would have fought all the guys that I've fought in the last couple of years, the top five of, of the UFC and the lightweight division. And now we know that answer. Have I won every single time? No. But have I made people feel something? Absolutely. And do I feel great about my run thus far? It's been great.

So it was a huge risk, but it was, it was also a risk i took back when i was 18 years old i walked on to the university of missouri wrestling team which has become the single most important thing that i've ever done in my athletic life you know choosing to not take a scholarship from one of the other schools that i got offers from smaller schools walking onto a division one wrestling team and now that's crazy for a kid yeah i mean i don't know why i say something like that we're like i'm not the fucking yeah exactly yeah i was like i had a full ride to this niai school or division three or whatever and they're like okay well you want us

to pay for you know mizzou and i'm like well i don't care you can pay for it i'll pay for it i'll get student loans whatever i i just feel led to go division one and wrestle at mizzou and then it obviously worked out yeah that's where i met tyron Woodley, Ben Askren, guys I wrestled with, and then they started fighting, and that's how I ended up fighting. So this whole thing, the reason I'm sitting here today, was because I took a chance on myself at 18, so why would I expect the 32-year-old me, or whatever it was, when I went to the UFC, to not make that same decision,

not make that same leap of faith, and it's worked out well thus far. You said something interesting where you were talking about laying in bed being retired and it's at 40 and like is that something you think about oh i'm almost 40 right now so am i dude i'm 37 most people don't think so because i came over to the ufc so late yeah they all think i'm like 30 years old yeah don't tell anybody but i'm 37 but like when you're like in your young 20s like is that something you you know and acknowledge and understand where you're like i my like like everyone knows that sports you don't play your whole life but like is it as active as it is in the front of your brain where you're like i have a tiny tiny window here yeah i mean i think i really i really did have a great perspective of it knowing that my career wasn't going to be

my career was going to be very much more finite than most people give it credit for. I knew I wanted to start setting things up. I wanted to start building the platform. I wanted to start having multiple streams of income and investments and then, and then have everything set up. Cause I think it's a bad idea to have a fallback plan in certain areas or certain things, because that means you're not a hundred percent invested, but I think I was, I'm smart enough and well connected enough and have a great relationship capital and great people around me.

And, and, and I've made some great moves in my life to be able to start setting things up for my Swan song for the next chapter. And that's what I've been doing the last couple of years. And I just, I just knew, I always said 35,

I was probably going to be done in here. I am 37 on the cusp of the biggest year of my. And I just, I just knew, I always said 35, I was probably going to be done and here I am 37 on the cusp of the biggest year of my entire life. So, you know, you never, you go Brady with it. Does something like that though, then feel like I got, I got more years to, to do this or this'll be my swan song because you're, you know, you're doing something major. No, I think, you know, with more platform and more notoriety and more attention becomes more options you know having options in life is is the best thing that you can possibly have he who has no options is is hitting a brick wall every single day right so to have the options that are going to come from this ultimate fighter espn all summer plus fighting connor this year the biggest fight you could ever ask for

you know making good money it's only going to lead to more opportunities so I see myself saying yes to quite a few more fights so we'll see is the coaching thing more about the fight game or television like because they're talking about

other revenue streams and like you're good at this you probably could have your own show you could do more reality shows or fighting shows and then probably branch out into non-ufc and mma stuff you know there's there's a lot of that too yeah definitely not coaching you know i don't i you know for a guy who i'm extremely passionate about my career you know not to sound selfish but i'm extremely years honestly kind of especially in the fight game it's not a team thing it's not you know it's like yeah and you do you i do me and i will say i i fell in love with coaching my guys when i was there at the ultimate fighter but doing that every single day leaving my wife and kids missing

dinners and missing my son's birthday because c is fighting. Like I don't want to do that. Now, if I was making bill Belichick money, maybe it's a little bit different, but mixed martial arts coaching is a little bit different than that. You know, you'll miss, you know,

you do miss family events and stuff, but what's for your fight. Yeah. You've deemed it's like worth it. Yeah. Because truth, truthfully I'm serving, I'm serving my family by not being there,

you know, and you know, that as a dad is, is it's, it's a, it's, it's how it is. I have to be self ish in order to be selfless in order to give my full self to my family. When it's my time, I have to also be selfish in my goals, my dreams, focusing on me to get, because as we said, the 40 year old me, I don't want to be laying my head on a pill. I don't want my wife to lay next to him of the shell of a man that she married because i didn't pour into my entire career that i didn't make the decision that i needed to so you know i think it was i started up the i was watching a show recently

and there was like a fight between a husband and a wife and the husband was an athlete and he uh didn't make it he towards acl didn't achieve his career. They're in this fight and she's like, I'm sorry I didn't make it. I'm sorry I didn't make top 10. He's a tennis player. She's like, I don't care about that. I care that you gave up. I was like, oh, that is... I don't care that you weren't successful.

I care that you stopped trying to be successful. That's tough. The girl says that to you. You're right. I'm a quitter, but no, it's, it's, it's true. It's, it's tough. And it's, but so the coaching side of things, not really, but yeah, I mean on the microphone, on, on camera, building, building other things, coaching, coaching people on online coaching, masterminds, all of these different things. I'm going to speak at a conference this weekend. These kinds of events and stuff that I've had the great opportunity to be around a bunch of high-functioning individuals doing some stuff like that.

It helps me serve people, give back, make money, be on a platform, all those different boxes checked. And then you inevitably fight a YouTuber. What is that? My YouTube is growing. So I'm that on my youtube my youtube is growing okay you know so i'm working on my youtube maybe i'll get up to that couple mil and i can go fight some youtubers dude the uh you mentioned your wife earlier and we had some show notes on this this is crazy what do you mean you you email with your wife for two years before you guys started dating oh yeah i envisioned

marrying her five years before that i was gonna say did you use it what are you talking about so this is a borderline stalker story okay but i know the game no listen i'm just telling you hey it's weird when you know you know it's i i chipped this tooth right here at mizzou wrestling mizzou mizzou wrestling the university of missouri sent me to a dentist named Dr. Willett. And I knew who he was. He had a great reputation in Columbia, Missouri. He was a Bible study leader to my Bible study leader. I ended up sitting there in his office, in his waiting room, looking at these pictures of this cute girl in these pictures of him. And I'm like, man, is that his daughter?

She's hot. You know, if she's anything like him, I want to marry her. So I ended up having a bunch of friends and they kept talking about her because they knew her they kind of grew up with her and ran in the same circles we ended up having some mutual friends on facebook i finally just messaged her years later on facebook after i had been to her house at a birthday party one time but she wasn't there i envisioned myself fishing on this pond in her backyard. And now I have now married her and I fish on that pond. No way.

I'm not joking. Borderline stalker, right? Also, it was just the intuition. Yeah, it was just the intuition. I mean, but obviously back then too, it was okay. I could see your stuff on Facebook. Of course. But you never had met her in person.

Had never met her. I had only heard things about her from other people. And you can tell a lot about somebody by how the way that other people talk about that. Right. Plus she had a phenomenal dad and I'm like, well, he'd be kind of a cool father-in-law.

But then, so then finally Facebook message. And then she, she was applying for an ER critical care residency in, at the university of Missouri. So she was in, she was married to medicine, didn't care about care about guys at all.

Wasn't dating or whatever. And then finally we messaged back and forth. She'd wait like two months to email me back. I'd email her back right away. She'd wait another two. Yeah, just stringing me along. Stringing the boy along. Two months email, bro.

If I don't email in five minutes, I'm done. That's what I'm saying. Oh, and I always did. I probably had my notifications on. That's great. And then finally, called his coffee in Columbia, Missouri. She finally said yes to coffee with me. She gave us like one hour

before I had to go to practice. This cute little silhouette walked in and I said, well, there's my wife. And then she fell in love with me right there. Well, that's how I tell the story. I was already in love with her. Took a few more years. Yeah, it took a little while.

And then now we're married. We got two beautiful boys. And it was, like I said, it's a borderline stalker story, but also the power of manifestation. That is. You tell that story in that light and it's like a rom-com. You tell the story of like, I mean, he wouldn't stop emailing me. Yeah, exactly.

I finally had to say yes because I was afraid. Pretty much how it was. I mean, it could have ended up that way. And we could have had one date. And she's like, that's a creep. I would have not stopped. I swear, I think I'm supposed to marry you i think you're supposed to i think you're supposed to leave me out no it took a while it took a while and then

you can tell it another way where you envision this life you had and and it's just like it's just heartbreak yeah because i've had that yeah that's like where i was like oh i could do this like this this works for me and then like a week later she's like where i was like oh i could do this like this this works for me and then and then like a week later she's like this doesn't work for me yeah i know you're like i feel like we had something it's it's like every every rom-com of the breakup it's like i could have swore we were on the same page she's like no we were like i really do a completely different street i got a pretty good radar are you sure she's like i'm sure it is funny for me to think of you guys as you know like

when you you got a crush on a girl or you're you know you're like chasing after her and you're i'm sure you're being all cutesy and schmoopy you got to play the game and do the you know flowers and gifts and poems and whatever the fuck you got to do but then you're like okay cool like all right i gotta go like maybe beat someone today yeah i literally have to go try to dismantle somebody with my bare hands i would never do it to you this guy yeah signed a contract no that was one thing too that you know obviously she was that was one thing she's like this guy she googled me and i had to be in the medical field yeah exactly and she's like oh this guy he's probably you know dating

all the girls and he's probably got anger issues and all these different things. And then, you know, so I started like way out in left field. I had to like claw my way back to just being a normal dating status with her. Like she was like, I'm pretty sure you might be a serial killer until proven otherwise. Because she didn't know mixed martial arts. She wasn't a fan, had never even seen a fight before so she didn't really had it's not like you get to meet a mixed martial arts or martial mixed martial artist every day and you're like okay they're more normal than i thought right right so it took a took a little while but the people who take it seriously are

probably the most you know even keeled oh man it's about control yeah and all that pacifist i mean i'm the most pacifist when was the last time you were in a non-sanctioned fight like a street fight never never never never like a playground young kid eighth grade throwing i was always i was always too afraid to get in trouble wow yeah i think there was one time where i kind of got some hands on a guy when he was doing something he was a real drunk guy back in college but it wasn't it wasn't like a you know brawl like we were both fighting but you know i i was always just so afraid of getting in trouble, cops pulling up and all that other stuff.

But I was kind of a big sissy. I'm glad you just said big sissy because I just did maybe my biggest big sissy moment. I was fiddling with my watch. I saw that. I pinched a little bit of skin. Oh, I saw it. He did it big time. You're over here talking to me about being one of the toughest

guys on the planet he's like oh god he pulled one of my hairs i pulled one of my hairs i saw that i saw that for sure i was like okay don't make it don't make a scene all right make him feel tough yeah make him feel tough the mic just poked me in the eye. It's like a line. Ooh. Yeah, exactly. That's smarted. He's like, I can fight in a cage. Whoa.

I don't know how you guys, you know, I stub my toe and I'm like, it hurts and I hate, like, I'm like, it ruins my, like, you know, like the tolerance for pain, whether it's training, getting punched in the fucking face, getting your arms broken in half. I don't know how you do it, man. You guys are not normal. You're not normal. Definitely. But one of the things I love about the sport, one of the craziest misconceptions is that it hurts in there. You don't feel a thing inside.

The adrenaline is going. It's after. The next day. When it wears off about an hour or two later, you're like, like i got hit by a bus yeah you know but for the most part i guess that makes sense that's why you know connor can do a interview sitting on the floor with your leg broken because you know you're not even thinking and i'm sure it hurt the night the um you just get hit by a bus like i always thought about that with brady where like they say with the force of a car of a the end coming off the edge yeah is like getting

hit by a car so like you know theoretically a quarterback gets in three four car accidents every sunday i don't know if i believe that that's it's like oh yeah okay go get hit by let's see we'll film it i mean it's a car you're in a car too so like it's like oh okay, it's a car. You're in a car, too. Oh, okay. It was like you just get hit by a fucking sedan. No, no, no. Like a car accident. But do you know what that level of pain you take is? Has any scientist come up with an actual? Remember the ESPN Sports Science back in the day?

No. It's actually the turbulence of an F-18 or whatever. They've definitely done some sports science type of stuff. I mean, obviously guys hit hard. And we're wearing four-ounce gloves. You know, it's no joke. But the human body is a beautiful thing. It's a tough, durable thing.

How do you deal with the – we're talking about, oh, I can fight a cage, blah, blah, blah. And I think now most people do know that you can't fight a cage. But the one I do always hear still is I wouldn't tap. Oh, yeah. I just pass out. find a cage blah blah and i think now most people do know that that you can't find a cage but the one i do always hear still is i wouldn't tap oh yeah i just pass out i just pass out bro what do you think when someone says that like the average person yeah yeah no i mean definitely the average person i would probably pass out because i would it would happen so fast i would have a chance yeah but yeah. I would never tough it out.

I've had numerous fights where I probably should have tapped and I didn't, but I was able to get out and then either won the fight or lost. With the average person, just like the average armchair quarterback, I could have threaded that needle, Brady. What are you doing? But that one at least a tap when you're getting choked versus I i'm bending your arm and it's about the snap i think is very different well that's the pain will make you just be like ah yeah and i think there might be a little bit more of an element of like oh i can do it i can do it yeah and then you're out but all of it to me

right see the fact that we're even having a discussion right now is my point well the thing about mixed martial arts too is is you obviously don't think about getting caught in an arm bar heel hook or whatever one of those things but you get caught in a heel hook and he tears your acl you're out for nine months you can't provide for your family for nine months you get choked out you can fight 15 days later right you know maybe 30 days later you know so you don't you know it's like okay if i pass out i'll pass out whatever but if you if i'm about to get my limb broken, chances are I probably wouldn't tap because I'm an idiot. It just depends on what's going on in the moment. But you definitely don't want to take an injury for no reason.

That's a great point. I never even thought about that. This is a fucking year. I got to live to fight again. Yeah. Or complete, what do you call it? Complete reconstruction of your elbow. Yeah. Once you go down that road. Have you had what do you call it? Like complete reconstruction of your elbow. Yeah.

Once you go down that road. Have you had any major like surgeries or anything? No. Luckily, man. Once that starts, it kind of is tough. Yeah. Luckily, I've had a couple meniscus tears here and there. I've needed some stem cell shots or cortisone shots here and there.

But luckily, I've been very fortunate. I broke my orbital bone once. So that was pretty tough. But that – I remember my face. I forgot been very fortunate. I broke my orbital bone once. So that was pretty tough. But that – I remember my face. I forgot about that one. But that just heals on its own. So it was good.

Yeah, you can't put that on a cast or anything. No, you just sit there and squint for a couple weeks and you're like, I swear my nose is really draining right now. What is going on here? And it was like the blackest black eye ever too. It was like the color of this microphone. Dude, I saw you. I don't know if we met. We might have just said a quick hello like a year ago in Tennessee.

I was at a bar in Nashville. I was there for like the bus and did like a little thing at one of the bars. And I went over to the Titans game. And you in the bar, you were in shorts. And this is almost like how you met your wife. Very similar. Where I just couldn't stop looking at your legs. Okay.

Yeah. And then you walked in here and you have the fucking jacked ass. What the fuck do you do with your legs, dude? Dude, I've been squatting heavyweight since I was like 15 years old. It's fucking insane. I thought maybe like, I was with my dad. Me and my dad were like, look at the fucking guys thank you i mean i got some tight jeans on let's be honest you got them so you know but uh yeah i mean i lift a lot a lot a lot of lower body man a

lot of single leg stuff rdls deadlifts trap bars squat i do like 20 squats every morning it's like there you go yeah i get on that walk-on fitness man i got my walk-on fitness app we got a nice big nice leg program on there for you all right that's what we get it's a big old yeah no definitely i'm gonna start working out six days a week oh never mind uh i was at the garden what was like a year or two ago you put on like the fight of the year everyone said yeah that was that was uh and that was my introduction to you because i'm more of a casual fan and that was seeing it was also my first event live well msg is msg so i got spoiled it was like we got

hooked up from uncle dana we got like nice seats we got at the garden and i mean you put on a fucking show dude that one was nuts man that was that was one where i look back and say man that that dude is a psychopath like who i am when i step in there is completely different than who i am here but in there i'm just like i want the blood i want the violence i want to freaking punch my face my hand through your face how uh how old you kids six and one so six is like still doesn't quite you know yeah he daddy fights but he doesn't quite understand it i've talked to him about it enough he was at my tony ferguson fight so he saw that that front kick knockout uh he was there for that he was there for that one and we go back and watch all the fights that i i win i

don't ever show my losses or any bloody ones. Dad's never lost. You know, but he, uh, any, and he's watched me train. He comes to Florida with me and he'll stay there for a week or two with me and watch me train. And he understands it,

which I think is a great thing for him to see me hit people, but no, it's completely different than if he, well, that was my question. It's like, that's hard to, you know,

necessarily compute where it's like, don't ever hit anybody. Yeah. But also I do it for a living. Also, yeah. Well, it's like I get paid to do it. Yeah. Like you said, that guy wrote his name down on a piece of paper.

Yeah, exactly. He signed it. The kid on the playground didn't sign the contract. Exactly. He walked around the playground like a foreman. He's got a bill tag. He's like, you want to go? Will you sign this contract?

Boom. I got gushers in my lunchbox tonight. Winner gets them. Yeah. I think I've just been talking to him about it a lot since he was really young. I think we – my wife and I both talk to our children like they're adults. Maybe that's the right way to do it. Maybe it's not.

I go back and forth on that because sometimes I'm like – You got to shield her from some things. I'm almost like talking about the mix in a thing, whatever the subject is. Right now they don't know about it or they're casually just talking about it and it's innocent. The minute that I start to try to educate you on this grand topic, then all of a sudden it becomes an issue. It's true. But there was some kid, my son's turning six and that day he told me some kid pushed him. And I was like, all right, whatever.

And then it happened a few more times. And I was like, okay, Next time, you kick him in the fucking face. I didn't say that. I said to him, if he puts his hands on you, you push him back. Get him away. Don't let him do that to you.

And then I said, next time we were talking through, I was like, and if he hits you or puts his hands on you, you're gonna... And he goes, what are you going to? And he goes, tell the teacher. No, no, no. We went over this. It's a tough one, man.

We went over this. That was what my son's response was too. I'm going to go tell the teacher. I'm like, yeah, well, I don't want him to tell the teacher too much. Yeah, you don't want to be that kid. But then you also don't want to get into a fight. So it's hard. Being a parent is the hardest thing because you're riding the fine line.

Well, I know what I would do. I would freaking kick him in the face. Like you said, you're like, okay, we're going to be six. Let him go through the series of vicissitudes that lead to him becoming a good man at some point. But right now, what's the right thing? I don't know. Okay, tell the teacher once. Tell the teacher twice.

If he keeps doing it, you punch him right in the sternum. I've always said we do a series of questions here that are hypotheticals. And one of them is, would you rather be a world-class chef, a world-class dancer, or a world-class fighter? Okay. And I always said – my answer is always world-class fighter. And I feel like if – and not that I would fight. I wouldn't just go around fighting people. But I've always thought knowing that in every situation I can handle myself. And for the most part, every single room you've ever walked into, you can beat up everybody there. Right?

And that just translates into confidence in everything. You know what I mean? And not like we're not going to fight right here today. But you walk in here just being like, I don't know. If shit ever went crazy i'm good yeah and i think that just you know you have this air about you and everything else in life where it's like if it all goes down i'll still i'm good yeah i think that you know does that does that is that even in your head anymore or is it just like that's that's so who you're who you are that you don't even think about yeah it's definitely not in my head i think more than

anything i think about if something happened right here, how many people I'd be able to protect because of what I've done. You know, I think we all want to be a hero. We all, exactly. All of us, all of us, especially men, I, you know, the man, the man's heart was designed for a battle to fight an adventure to have and a beauty to win. And that's ingrained in us in every single thing that we do. And we, we, as men these days days we don't have enough battles we don't have enough adventures so for me i get get to have that battle every single day which is our next wife bro which is also an adventure exactly so it's like you know i i if i had to choose yes i would definitely still want to be a fighter you know because it does carry over and everything and also the the multitude of onlookers who have that same they have that same kind of viewpoint where they're

they're watching you but it's also a metaphor for life yeah that was the battles that they're going through the battles that they have go through gone through the battles that they're prepared to go through in the future as well as you know it's it it's really kind of a cool thing. Going to that UFC fight, man, it's cool. It's a really cool event. So to think that I've done it now 31 times is a crazy huge blessing, especially now the last five inside the UFC, the sixth one against Conor later this year. It's pretty crazy, man.

Yeah. Nowadays, you don't even know who. It used to be like a certain size and a certain look and now with mma there's different i could be a striker i could be a wrestler i could be this jiu-jitsu yeah you know brazilian this and that so it's like height doesn't necessarily matter size doesn't matter look doesn't matter there's people out there who will fucking yeah break you break your arms i will break both your arms and leave you in a pile. I love those videos out there these days, too,

where it's like you never know who you're messing with. And some big old dude messes with some tiny little dude who ends up putting him in a chokehold and choking him out with a conscious. That was the big one. It was the one where everyone thought it was Askin, right? Oh, yeah. That one in Alabama. Yeah, yeah.

It was great. He's like, this is not me. Yeah, those dudes were on the football. I think it was Nebraska football guys, this is not me. Yeah. Those dudes were on the football. I think it was Nebraska football guys and they just got fucking. Yeah. There's actually a video of my. And they looked at each other.

The brother and their brothers. They were like, all right, let's do this. One of the guys on my, my, on my team, on the show, Jason Knight, there's a video about him, of him out there fighting. He gets, I think he gets pushed into a stall. I think his foot goes into the toilet. He's he just fighting his way out of a stall. I think his foot goes into the toilet. He's just fighting his way out of a stall.

It's actually pretty sweet. He got caught on camera. Jason Knight, I don't know when he fights on the show, but he's on the show, and he's been fun to watch. I always say, I do a scan. If I see any cauliflower ear, I'm out. Nice to meet you, sir. What can I get you to drink? It's such a funny, people come up to me all the time

and be like, hey, wrestler? BJJ? Fighter? I'm like, yeah, I'm a fighter. I would say fighter, but I got the years from wrestling. That's what I always say. How does that work, by the way? When you're younger, it's just from slowly over time.

Getting hit, yeah. So essentially, the skin breaks away from the cartilage and it fills with fluid because it swells up. Just like your nose. You can get cauliflower nose. I've actually – my septum has swollen up big time too between – you have to like drain it and stitch it. Cartilage and skin is kind of a nasty thing when it gets hit. So then it just kind of stays big like this and it's really hard. Yeah.

And now it will be like this forever. After that, no pain or anything like that? No. Every now and then it will re-break like kind of inside or whatever and it kind of turns purple and swells up a little bit then it goes down but right now yeah i'm about 96 98 cauliflower golly still waiting for that two percent you're hearing what's that is that a joke or you really i, does that fuck with your hearing? What? That's the best joke. That's the one you're always waiting for. Can you hear out of those things?

Can you hear out of those things? Can you hear out of those things, huh? What's that? Come again? How many times have you done that in your life? A thousand? A million? At least a thousand.

Because that's always the question. That's always the question that they ask can you hear out of those things huh we've just been having a conversation you can obviously you haven't not heard me one time this entire conversation so um i guess that we don't we don't know when it'll be but um we know uh the uh ultimate fighter yes is on for a few episodes three last night episode three was last night team chandler's now three and oh sorry for the spoiler alert but uh yeah so uh yeah so we got nine more episodes left and then we'll be finding out when me and connor are fighting hopefully soon very cool you know sometime by all right so because there's all these youtube you know, all these amateur type things going on.

If you were going to have one of those fights, who's someone you would want to fight? Oh, like a YouTuber. It doesn't have to be YouTuber. It could be an actor. If there was anybody out there that, you know, we could do one of these pay-per-views and you're going to get paid for it. And there's going to be a whole buildup. And then you get to beat the shit out of somebody who's an amateur. Dang, that's tough. Because, yeah, I would want going to be a whole build-up and then you get to beat the shit out of somebody who's an amateur.

Dang, that's tough because, yeah, I would want it to be someone who would at least stand a chance. No, I mean... You know what we need? Could you do like... We referenced Wahlberg earlier. Not him specifically. But like those action stars who get like training. Obviously, I'm not saying that they could ever fight or anything like that but like would they give you even a chance like would they give you like would you

bring a sweat no i don't think i don't think so but i will say like you know i did i did a scene with uh jake gyllenhaal and roadhouse obviously he did he did southpaw yeah i mean dude is jacked uh awesome dude and got hands man i i sat there and watched a scene where he was hitting mitts and stuff and he's got great hands you know I think you know they all need to be training that stuff oh yeah no for sure your hands are quick but you don't fucking yeah for sure I mean but also you know it's they have to

be able to at least look the part you know to do it and he said it numerous times like well I got nothing to compare to you I'll make out but do you got some great hands for a you know an actor a civilian if you could reverse time and do this for 30 years straight yeah you might be all right you're doing that's good you just need 20 more years of experience and you'll be almost as good as me nothing as humbling as like if you when you're a regular person and you see someone hitting a bag hitting pads whatever and you think it's like i can do that

and then you see yourself on like a video and you're like yeah you look so it's you know you make it look so easy when you're it is tough it is tough man because it's it's hard to really look good on the mitts unless you sometimes i feel like it's you just got it or you don't and then it takes a lot of practice to to look look the part yeah yeah because i've seen somewhere, I'm like, that's rough. I'm waiting for what we need. Because the boxing thing is interesting because it levels the playing field a little bit

when there are certain restrictions. And like the Paul brothers can learn, they're big dudes, they can pack a punch and then you learn a little bit and it's enough that you can get by. I want someone to fight MMA and I want to see someone lose in one second yeah i mean you would beat him in a matter of seconds right it is it would be like i'm either breaking your bones

or knocking you out immediately yeah or even just the so the hard part too is even just the mentality going into a mixed martial arts fight so when you look at a boxer there's only two weapons right he can only hit me with his right hand or his left hand in mixed martial arts he got four limbs plus the elbows and the knees plus the takedowns and then once you get him to the ground you can beat him up from the ground you can submit him or you can push him up against the cage i could i could submit somebody with just my forehead up against up against their chest on the cage and they would pass out right there and i wouldn't be able to have to use my hands type of scenario you know like those kind of things whereas in boxing you'll just push your head into a chest so much that i yeah or the neck yeah you know i almost want or at least make a tap imagine if i

was just like whatever you know like but all i can say there's just so much more so many more weapons and so many more things to think about so when you think about when you see somebody really really tired in a fight it's not because they're not in shape most of the time it's because their heart rate gets elevated things are going on inside their mind their blood pressure is high they're they're they're not they don't have bad cardio but they have they're they have a lot of physio physiological things happening in their body yes like boxing you're just like okay i can i see this and that's it whereas mixed martial arts arts, you're like, okay, what's going on? It's kind of like – It's a possible thing.

Come on. Remember Chris Tucker in the movie with him and Jackie Chan? Rush Hour. Rush Hour was like, which one of you all kicked me? Where is it coming from? I was looking over here. You kicked me in the leg. What's going on?

There's so many weapons to think about. When a match starts for you, a fight starts for you, are you – like is your heart racing or are you like calm calm really calm like as calm as you are right now like resting heart rate sort of just like all right let's do this yeah pretty calm and then and then you go out there then you know hopefully you land the first punch if not you get landed on you and you're like okay now we're going then it goes from zero to 60 then you then you go to a thousand then you're redlining the whole time you pee blood a couple you know a couple rounds later you know it's go zero to 60. Then you go to 1,000. Then you're redlining the whole time. You pee blood a couple rounds later.

Go back to the locker room and be like, my pee is red. When you talk about having someone get to your head in their chest or head in their neck, I was thinking what I would do there. I'm glad you said pee because that was the first thing that came to my mind. You'd pee on him? What if I peed? I'm sure I've peed in the middle of a fight. You don't know if you peed in the middle of a fight.

Maybe a little tinkle. A little tinkle. Not like a full bladder. What if you're choking me out? You're choking me out and I just go, dude, I'm pissed. Then you take a dump in your pants. When you get choked out like that, you could just take a dump in your pants really yeah doesn't happen often is there anything someone could say like they whispered to you we like you

like get the fuck what like it took you out you're you're in animalistic mode there's nothing that you what could you laugh could you possibly laugh i've heard guys fart in the middle of the fight though really yeah i heard a guy fart and i was like oh that's cool like that's a new experience never heard that before like or i'm sure i farted in fights too but i probably don't remember but i obviously heard whenever they did so you just the man on an adventure we're just exploring each other right now in front of all these people and cameras we're good man this is the greeks intended right now exactly when you get that tap like you your brain knows to stop yeah like that's so weird to me because like yeah you definitely keep squeezing until it's till the ref touches you and pulls you off

but even then like but like is that something you have to train yourself to let go like or you just know because you know what i mean there's other parts parts. He's hitting you. You're just crazy. I want to fucking kill this guy. But you have to know that that means let go. It's never the tap that you actually feel. You don't feel the tap. You legitimately just keep squeezing or punching until the ref pulls you off. So he doesn't feel that.

Yeah, you'll feel him and he'll either jump in between you guys or if it's a choke, it's usually like, okay, okay, that's it. That's it. Then you let go and you just say, god dude thank god this is over i can't imagine the feeling of winning a fight like oh man well each and every time i'd be like this is my last one i'm never doing this again yeah well it's not even the win so much as it is just the the uh yeah the the zero percent chance of losing because that's the hardest part about mixed martial arts it doesn't matter if i'm a thousand to one favorite and me and you fight step inside the cage like there's still a chance that you could beat me now i mean in the sense that you could accidentally somehow

by the grace of god clip me and i go out we all got a button but that's why we love mixed martial arts that's why we love watching it right so it So you can always slip on a banana peel. You can always make a bad move and get caught and have a bad night or have a bad moment. But as soon as you get pulled off, the ref pulls you off, you're like, oh, God, thank God I can't lose anymore. I'm not even happy that I won as much as I am relieved that there's no chance of losing anymore. That's interesting what you say because I've heard the phrase before. It's so uncertain at all times. But I've heard before like I hate losing

more than I like winning. But I think that's a more relatable and understandable way to say it. It's not that I'm going to be angry that I lost. It's like I'm nervous

that I'll lose. I'm worried that I'll lose. Especially this when you fight maybe a couple times a year. Probably often a lot of people just like one big one.

And then you train so much and it might be over in 10 minutes might be over in 10 seconds like it could be like you when you when ben gets fucking flying meat in the face yeah 10 seconds like oh that was six months of my life or whatever i guess like put my body through hell for that yeah all the sacrifice yeah all the sacrifice all the you know me i have to be away from my family most of the time when i'm training and stuff and you know just feeling like you let them down the the the impending fear and doom and doubts and insecurities and the pain and all that stuff you're gonna have to go through if you do lose and you know it's always there in the back

of your mind it's like you kind of make friends with it but as soon as the fight is over and you've won you're like thank god i don't have to i don't have to talk to fear and doubt insecurity and shame and guilt and all these different things that i know have been sitting there i can put them put them away under my bed for six months at least you know you know so maybe it's just a very kind of human human way to look at it but it's of course we love winning and i love doing the back flips and all that kind of stuff but okay thank god i can't lose anymore i like that a lot it's over somehow crazy all right last question for you because you are so calm in the situation that i think the rest of the world would be nervous and what makes you nervous um like a similar type if you

had to go do something and you'd be like no way you know i i would say public speaking before uh but i've gotten so accustomed to it now speaking whether it be on stage doing you know or with or with like a q a type of scenario um i honestly think a lot about the future um a lot and i think about my i think about me when i'm done fighting i think about me when i get to the end of my life i think about me when my sons are grown and when I think about my, I think about me when I'm done fighting. I think about me when I get to the end of my life. I think about me when my sons are grown and when I think about me and all these different things. So, I mean, I, I think about that almost every single day and it wells up nerves inside of me to make sure that I'm making the right decisions today to make sure that those fears that I have of me underperforming or not reaching my full potential or not giving my all don't happen. But from a practical standpoint, there's not many things that make me nervous.

Mine was karaoke. Yeah, I know. Exactly. Or like, I don't know. If me and my wife have to have a hard conversation, I get really nervous. Yeah, no matter. You can be the toughest guy in the world. When you got to do the, hey, baby, we got to talk or you get get the, hey, baby, we got to talk, you're like, fuck. Yeah, like, dang it, dude. Yeah, I was like, I could go fight in front of millions of people, but I just talked to this little 5'5 girl right now

who, like, loves me no matter what. I could be like, we still got to have a conversation. Oh, the worst. That's a good one. That's a good one. I'll put that off, and I'll go fight in the ring. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to go fight for a second.

Do something easier. We got to wrap up. We always ask all of our guests for a fun fact so you got one for us yes i do hit me okay contrary to popular belief the national animal of the country of scotland popular belief is a unicorn most would say william wallace it's the unicorn the official like real yes that's the thing is a not as a not real i'm pretty sure that's how real scotland is i'm not even sure if scotland is even a real place actually at this point now is it like oz is it like Oz? Is it like Narnia? I'm pretty sure that's what it is.

It's a good one. The unicorn. Fact check that for me, ladies and gentlemen. Confirmed! The national animal in Scotland is a unicorn. That's crazy. Scotland... You got to get to Scotland. Scotland's like glue and orange. I know.

If you told someone who wasn't aware of scotland as you're saying like like yeah the dudes wear skirts they play like these bagpipes uh here's our favorite music there's sheep fucking everywhere they wheel cheese around they drink warm beer unicorns and they got you like you're right actually they're walking yeah they're a contradiction acid drip exactly great one man i like that yeah there we go fun fact unicorn thank you so much សូវាប់ពីបានប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្� Thank you. Bye.