KFC Radio - Michael Che Interview || KFC Radio Has Declared War On LA Fitness

Episode Date: June 9, 2022

- Feits went to the hospital only to find out that he's been having raging tonsillitis for the past month - Feits has an extremely awkward phone call with his credit card company - Polly found an extremely depressing and concerning poem - LIV Tour Golf Drama - The Boys Season 3 scene may be the craziest scene in TV history - AITA: The Disney couple who hired Mickey and Minnie to come to their wedding instead of providing any kind of catering - Video Voicemails: - getting older - We're going to war with LA Fitness - time warp - Michael Che Interview: A must-listen interview +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 0:00 - Feits' most recent hospital visit 07:56 - Awkward phone call with credit card co. 15:14 - Feits had a stranger in disgust 22:52 - Polly's Poem 27:44 - LIV tour drama 43:38 - The Boys scene 58:28 - AITA: Disney Couple Wedding 1:15:40 - Video Voicemails (Ft. LA Fitness VM) 1:43:23 - Michael Che Interview +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Hellofresh Go to https://barstool.link/HFKFC and use code KFC16 for up to 16 free meals and 3 free gifts Betterhelp: Go to https://barstool.link/BHKFC for 10% off your first month Manscaped: Get 20% Off + Free Shipping, with the code KFC at https://barstool.link/ManscapedBSS eBay: EBay Sneakers – Authenticity Guaranteed Revitalyte: Pick up Revitalyte Black Label today in-stores or online at https://store.barstoolsports.com/products/revitalyte-black-labelYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Not even kidding. LA Fitness, Mr. Manager, you have one week. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Before we get to it, we've got tickets on sale, not only for our show, but also a meet and greet next week while we're in chicago saturday night uh very few last tickets available for our uh show at the um park west sounds right park west theater yeah uh park west so that's our saturday night show we also have a

friday night meet and greet at barstool river north that's the barstool bar in chicago uh at 5 30 there's only 100 tickets. You can buy tickets online now. I know you've got to buy tickets for the meet and greet, but you also get free drinks and some free food. You get two free drinks, free dinner. Big buffet. We also

wish they didn't charge money for tickets. What can you do? A hundred of us, a hundred of you, come hang out with us. Get your free drinks and your free food. Get your money's worth so you can buy the meet and greet Friday. The tickets on Saturday. And so let's get to it. Also, September 29th.

Yeah, we have tickets. That's the weekend leading up to the music festival that pop punk is playing. So if you want to make a weekend of it, go dc drive a couple hours to maryland and ocean city to finish off the weekend with the festival you can make a whole dmv type of weekend out of it so tickets available now for chicago and dmv we'll probably also we got probably get a july and august show on sale there so check us out on our social media all of our uh all of our touring dates will be available there uh today's episode, monster guests. We got Michael Che, the legend, weekend update, stand-up comedy, New York guy. He's a head writer of SNL.

Co-head writer of the college house. And a very pretty private guy in a way, and I can't even understand why he's doing this. Follows zero people. He has said he doesn't want to do this, so it'll be interesting. His Instagram says they want us to do press, and I don't want to. So so i'm sure he doesn't yeah his instagram says they want us to do these two breaths and i don't want to so he's being dragged by his ear here ear here this has to be a favor i don't know but it's here we have well arguably i i say this again before we when we're introducing him uh in a second but david letterman while i was watching the that's my time

with david letterman last night dav David Letterman called him a comedy legend. So pretty good. Pretty good. So you went to the doctor, huh, Johnny? By the way. Look at all these water bottles. It's just fucking... Do you want two or mine? I don't know what those are.

Yeah, it's just great. I mean, look. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Drink whiskey. Save the planet. Whistle pig. Final word. Just got back save the planet. Whistlepig. Final word, just got back from the doctor.

We've had this mystery illness where he's been sick for like three full weeks. I got it and I was like, oh fuck, John's been sick for ten days. I'm going to get sick for ten days. It was like two days for me. Yeah, but he didn't do anything for me.

So I don't think I have what you have because I was good. Yeah, because I asked. I was like – because first of all, she was like – she had just a bunch of questions, feeling like my glands and shit like that. And then she was like, all right, well, let's just check out your throat. And like didn't even put any tools in my mouth. She's like, look. She's like, how long have you said you had this for?

About three weeks. You have raging tonsillitis. I was explaining to her how every time I swallow it feels like glass. I haven't yawned in five days. Can you be able to tell? I don't know, maybe. I'm obviously no doctor, but

your ball bag and your tonsils there's like this much space between them it's all almost touching I think when it's all so swollen and shut I would imagine I've been swollen shut for three weeks it hurts to eat

it hurts to talk I haven't been able to yawn you know when you can't get out a full yawn it kind of just gets stuck I can't open my mouth big enough fuck you all you able to yawn. You know when you can't get out a full yawn? It kind of just gets stuck. I can't open my mouth big enough. Fuck you all, you all just yawned. I can't open my mouth big enough to get the full yawn out. So I have not had a healthy yawn in a long time.

That'll kill you, man. You know what that is? You're not going to get an amoxicillin. You're just going to pass out. It's nonstop. It's nonstop. She was just like, yeah. I don't know.

You're crazy tonsillitis. You are a medical marvel. I was like, yeah. I don't know. You have crazy tonsillitis. You are a medical marvel. I was like, I'm sorry. I have been hanging out with people. Is it infectious? She was like, no, it's not. You haven't given it to anybody. You are a medical and psychological marvel.

Why? Just like in general. When these doctors see you, they're like, what is... Yeah, you've had tonsillitis for a month. You know? What? My mom was like, why are you going to the doctor's?

You got better. And I was like, no, I've stopped complaining about it. Right, yeah. I'm not better. I still feel awful. Very big difference. I still can't fucking eat. I still can't do anything.

Yeah, it's like, does your sickness impede you from doing anything? Breathing, eating, drinking, swallowing, sleeping. Yeah. Anything else? No, that's about it. All of the essentials to be alive. Dude, I went to this nice-ass doctor's office.

They didn't even take insurance. That kind of nice. Hey. Hey. Moving on up. Why? Where? Who?

What? When? Why? It was on the Upper East Side. It was like if someone got me the appointment because it's

like a good ENT because I always have stuff wrong with my throat yes you

gotta go like that good I showed her that picture the old picture

of me I was like just be clear I haven't really lost any weight this is just me

a year ago and she's like that's not you she's like no that's a different person you're like that's like because she knew what i do for work and stuff like that so she's like no like that's a work thing like you're in a suit or something i was like no i'm in a fat suit it's just a part of me that's fucking that's bad doctors are usually like i've seen it all man when

doctors are like whoa yeah yeah i mean like she wasn't like holy shit there's nothing to do yeah but it was, so then I was like, should I get these out because I get tonsillitis all the fucking time. Yeah. And I don't get them

nearly as often as I think I do because she said, to get your tonsils out, first of all, as an adult, it's way worse than a kid. Definitely.

And it is, but she said performers because I was, yeah, she said, sometimes your voice just gets too gravely and I was like,

yeah, I think I'm there. It's barely possible to hear what I say. Well, understand what I say. It's just like a fat, swollen-tongued, drunk baby is who's talking. And somehow our listeners can decipher it. It's very impressive. Yeah, people speak Fidelberg.

But she was like, if you get tonsillitis seven times in a year then you should get him out or if you get them Get it five times two years in a row or three times three years in a row and I was like well I haven't heard that yet. Who does that? That happens to people but it but oh you're gonna be happy about this But the reason I get it so much is probably because of my heartburn my acid reflux. So guess who's got acid reflux meds now? Something you should have done about a decade ago. Got that prescribed, kid. And fucking got.

That's bad for the fucking diet. Let me tell you what. You're going to eat whatever you want. That's not going to ever stop you though, right? It literally never. I never even gave it a second thought. Never even impinged you one bit. I never considered doing anything to curb it.

Yeah. Not even a fucking. Dude, I remember. Never changed me. They would be like, dude, just take like. They have over-the-counter stuff. Yeah. Take a Meprizole or whatever.

Yeah. And I was like, I'll just take a Thumbs when it happens. What is the point of stopping that? I just don't. Yeah. Like take a Nadvil. I guess so. Whatever.

Okay. So I have two better stories that happened on opposite ends of going to the doctors, who thinks I'm the toughest man alive because I spent the following glass for a month. So I got there a little early because it was, like, an appointment that someone had got for me, and I didn't want to be late. So I got there at, like, 11.10 for an 11.30 appointment. And I told you this yesterday, actually, but my credit card had been hacked. someone who got for me and I don't want to be late. So I got there at like 1110 for an 1130 appointment. And, um, he told you this yesterday actually,

but my credit card had been hacked. So I was going to fix it yesterday. You said like, yeah, my credit card got hacked like four days ago. I should probably call them. Correct. And I didn't,

I didn't, I got a call. I made a different call on the way home. The one I've told you about already today as well. Um, and, uh, and so I didn't call.

And then I was like, you know what? I got 20 minutes. It's a nice day. I'm going to sit outside. I'm going to call and resolve this week-long issue that my credit card has been hacked. My bank account's probably cleared out. Yeah. So I call the guy.

And he's like, Daquan was his name. And Daquan was like, all right, we're just going to go through some charges. Now, this is my card that I don't really use that often. This is like my – which is why I wasn't so in such a rush to make the call. It's just a call that had like a few things connected to it. Really, I never use it. So he's like, yep, yep, we got a hold on you because you replied no to a text message. Was this you making this attempt?

I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he goes, all right. So there were three attempts on Venmo last night. Were those you or two nights ago? And I was like, yes, that actually was. I was trying to pay someone. I realized after the third try, I realized why it wasn't going through because that's the card that's my Venmo.

And then he's like, and then like a fucking face stuff. Sorry, get wood. And smooth. We'll clean that up. We'll clean that up. Nobody will know. And I was like, yep, that was an attempt right then nothing went through yeah and he goes correct correct um okay and then uh and then three at walmart for a hundred dollars ninety eight dollars and 178 dollars and i was like no those are the ones i said no to like those

are those are not me yeah and um he goes all right, I'm just going to go through. Those are not yours. I'm just going to go through a couple of others. And just let me know if anything's yours. I love this game. Only fans $9.99. Only fans $7.99. Only fans $5.99.

Any more Walmarts? Any more Walmarts? Everything else is me. I would have so much rather like some old woman or like, no, I was like, Daquan knows what was going on, dude.

Daquan knew exactly what I was doing. Absolutely. Sitting on my doctor's fucking stoop on the Upper East Side. enough of the OnlyFans, enough of the OnlyFans. That is the only thing, the only man worse. I said,

I said yes to two. I was like, yep, yep, yep. And then he's like, all right, I bought OnlyFans 799 two I was like yep yep and then he's like alright I'm an OnlyFans 799 I was like yeah OnlyFans

are there any are there any other Walmarts on here we can just go ahead any of the OnlyFans are okay any duplicates from that website

are okay can you imagine the day that Glennie Balls has to do this but here's the thing at least Glennie I'm guessing

has other purchases mixed in. That card is connected to OnlyFans. That's funny, yeah. It's like OnlyFans. Yeah, because you would have a monthly thing, but then all your daily charges. Yeah, a coffee, a lunch. Well, the reality for Glennie is probably this is going to happen when his mom gets a fraud charge. It's probably all in Glennie's mom's credit card.

God, that is... That's... I mean, it's everybody... Not everybody, but others have gone through that, but when you do have to go through it... I've gone through it too many times. I'm almost like an addict. It's like, dude, this is happening four times now. Maybe it's time to stop.

Any gems out there for the people? What's up? Any OnlyFans subscriptions that are gems? No, no. No, literally, You know what? No, like literally, I don't enjoy it. Yeah.

Well, Tyga. I'll go through OnlyFans. I'll be like, I'm done with this. This is so stupid. I wish that's what he did. Like, OnlyFans, Carmen Electra,

OnlyFans, Adriana Cechik, OnlyFans, Tyga? Yes, yes, and yes. He's the only person who puts dick on the timeline, dude. He's the only one fucking dropping loads on the fucking T.O.

We should, we should, I'm not even kidding you. I shouldn't even say this out loud, but we should find, like, black market, under the table, cash only plugs. Like, we'll plug your OnlyFans. We made Josh Adam Meyer's's girl ex-girlfriend like tens of thousands of dollars really yeah when we talked about her on our show she said she got like a ton more subscriptions i shouldn't say tens of thousands but i think she said it was like thousands of dollars a month more so i'm like kind of like yo how about you come to us with your only fans we either blatantly plug it. Yeah.

I don't want to step on the king's turf, but you either send us a free sample, give us a taste. We'll talk about you either in a very organic or just blatantly like, yo, check this out. You pay us 25k cash because we're going to get you 35k cash.

That kind of cash. We got it like that. Listen, we've been peddling smut all these 25k cash because we're going to get you you know 35k cash that kind of cashish yeah we got it like that listen we've been peddling smut all these years it's finally time to cash in that's true

listen our our fucking snapchat show is like the most successful snapchat show in the history of the world because we're we're mixing in

all these comics all these porn stars so it's like breaking all the records I'm like finally the time has come time to cash in on being perverts john that's fucking so if you if you got an only fans account and you want

to uh you want to because honestly a cosign a cosign from us on an only fans account again of course with with with respect to respect to leonard balls yeah it's like who else who else you gonna trust yeah who else you gonna trust i'll tell you the real deal tell you what i just did the column terrell's podcast and uh i had him and his producers floored with how many porn stars i could name they're like i was i was in a room with four dudes and they were like perfect i have always been thoroughly impressed, too. Yeah, I thought you and I kind of like kids in spirits. Yes, but no. Because, well, there's two things.

Also, I want to tell you what I was up against. They couldn't figure out who the demon chick who takes six dicks in her hole was. Yeah, I mean, there are certain things that are like... I was going to say Bonnie Rotten. No! Oh. You're trying to touch it. The demon chick? Yeah, just like... Okay, well, I... You got to say Bonnie Rotten. No! Oh. You're trying to touch it. The demon chick?

Yeah. Just like, you're going to say it and I'm going to say it. The fucking demon chick. All right. But either way, if it's Adriana,

however you describe her, you should know her. Yeah. But I know quite a bit. There's two things that play here. One is I think just straight memory.

Sometimes I just, I'm like, oh yeah, if I saw it, I would know it or whatever. But also, I'm also just trying to be in with the cool kids sometimes and just going along with some of the,

because sometimes you guys have deep knowledge. Yeah. Yeah. So there were times where you and YP were going back and forth and I was totally the guy like, yeah, man.

Yeah, totally. Like you ever heard of Jenna Jameson, man? But no, I would probably be more perverted than you because you you'll know like stars you know me i know the couples i know the boyfriends names and shit like i know worse shit than you i can tell you you know like what their jobs are like their day jobs um anyway um uh uh so yeah we'll start our OnlyFans racket. You got something else?

I actually got two more things. Oh, good, because I got a couple things here too, yeah. So then after the Dodgers appointment, I was going to do Column Thrills podcast, which is out today. And I was early for that too. So I took the subway down, because it was on the Upper East Side. So I took the subway down, because it was on the Upper East Side, so I took the subway down to Grand Central,

and I just walked across town, and I said, time. And I was hungry, so I stopped at Sophie's Cuban Cafe, which I love. Sophie's Fox. Got myself a Cuban. Cubano.

And then I'm walking across. It's 38th and 6th. I'm walking, so it's probably like 38th and 7th-ish. There is a homeless man. And I'm going to try and speak loudly maybe. And at this point, I am – Actually, I can probably bring the mic with me, right?

Oh, hang on. Okay. That was a poor line. That sounded – That sounded Portuguese. Hadouken. Hadouken. And so I'm walking, and I got my – I'll even do it in my hand here. I got my Cubano.

I got the wrap, and I'm just trying to have a good day. I'm listening to Fall Out Boy, eating my Cubano, kind of just smiling. And then I see to my left a homeless man with his pants completely down right around his ankles right on his ankles uh dick out totally dick out right and he's spreading his own ass cheeks oh sure as he grinds them up and down the wall like this i don't know like he's he's spreading i'm trying to hold the microphone here in a corner like you're doing in a corner yeah wow and he's just dropping like this and and i guess what kind of a surface it was a pavement like a grout or granite i don't fucking know something smooth or something you don't want on your asshole dude rough it wasn't tongue i'll

tell you that and um and and so i saw and it was just so absurd, and I was in a good mood. I started laughing while I continued to eat. I was like – And then I saw some dude walking my way who was horrified by the whole scene. Yeah. By what we've seen with the homeless man. And he looked at me laughing and continuing to eat my pork sandwich, and I made him recoil. He was like, gross. You're despicable.

Dude. Like I – he saw a homeless guy wiping his asshole on a building and then saw me. And you eating your sandwich laughing. And I was the one that got the more physical reaction out of him. Now you're in New York. I mean, I will say what you were doing just right there looks like it might, you know, get me going. I don't know. You know. That might get you going? I don't know you know I'll tell you what through pants it didn't feel too bad I thought of worse things that

could happen to me I don't know about bare ass on a stone wall but man people are he was dropping it low. It was impressive. You just don't quite. You really got to take a step back sometimes and fully appreciate how, like, someone from the Midwest, like, will never see that. Yeah. You know, like, they don't even see. There are people who live, you know, in rural.

I can't say the word rural. Rural. Rural. It people who live you know in rural rural i can't say the word rural rural it's hard you know should be like ruly or something make a new fucking word for that rural uh there are if you live in the in the you know the farmland like you might not see any strangers period like you just see like your family and then maybe you take a trip into town and you see some people we so the mere fact that we're just constantly surrounded by strangers to the point that you bump into them when you walk or they'll harass you or accost you, but also to the point that you might see them rub their asshole against the corner of a wall. And you're just like – That almost makes me feel like that was the uncut version of In the Clouds. Look at that guy.

High five. It's been a pretty good the uncut version of In the Clouds. Look at that guy. High five. It's been a pretty good day. Today could be In the Clouds-esque. Today you went to the doctor and found out you've had tonsillitis for a month. You saw a homeless person rubbing their asshole on a wall. I also found out I have hearing damage. You have hearing damage and bank fraud, and you embarrass yourself in front of the banker. What about this is a good day?

I didn't put any of that together. What is a good day? I didn't put any of that together. What is a good day? I don't know, man. I've been happy today, bro. This is how you know it's all chemical, man. It ain't about out here. It's what's in here. Yeah, man.

This has been a good day. Speaking of, this has been a good day. This is more chemical things. I got an email from my mom last night at 940. Actually, wait. Can I do? I'm going to do two more quick things. One, you're talking about rural people, okay?

People living in rural areas who never see anything. My mom hit me with one of the most depressing thoughts. No, you don't say. Of all time. She said, so our dog's name is Maddie, and she lives in the country now. Meaning she's dead? No, no, no, no, no. They live out in the country.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, do you think she thinks all the other dogs died? It's like all the dogs in the neighborhood she used to see and shit. She's like, she doesn't see the dog in six months? Do you think she thinks she's the last one left? I am legend type shit. I was like, I never thought about that, but I will take you to a fucking dog park.

Yeah. That is... I mean, I think about that sometimes with humans. I got a text actually from someone who we used to work with, and she lives in my old building in Manhattan and just found out about it. She's like, I've been living here for two years, and I just found out who used to live in apartment 12A.

And she sent me a picture of the doorman, my doorman, Timmy. And he's still there doing his thing. And, I mean, we talked every day for – I lived there. I guess I didn't live there that long, but, you know, every day for two years, talking about the meds. We do the usual doorman, you know renter type of chit chat and like he saw like he he he actually said he was like everybody in this building has a golden doodle and the og was duncan he was the first one that they were on that trend early um he didn't see like the birth of the kids but maybe pregnancy like so you know you like live with these people

and then it's like okay so you never you know or the guy at the corner store where you live or whatever and then you move and you you just have a whole new replacement set or a job you quit a job and those people you see every day are just gone but at least those they know someone like a corner store guy might be like i don't know that guy could be dead yeah yeah oh for sure. And maybe a lot of them are. Yeah. You know, like we just, poof, gone. Never see them again. They're dead. But for dogs, they don't even know what's going on. They don't know anything.

She can't hear barks anymore. When they lived in the city, there were houses around, dogs around, people walked their dogs in front of the house. Nothing. Just me and these humans. The three of us are the only things left on this planet. Yeah, she probably thinks it's like the post-apocalyptic war. Sometimes I and these humans. Just the three of us are the only things left on this planet. Yeah, she probably thinks

it's like the post-apocalyptic war. And then sometimes I magically show up. Yeah. How's he doing? Yeah, it's a weird fucking thought. But the last thing I have is an email my mom sent me last night at 9.45pm.

Yes. Fuck. 9.45pm. Subject is poetry okay name of the poem is this be the verse by philip larkin this is this is the very first there's no hello there's no hello there's no nothing it's poetry and then right into this be the verse okay they fuck you up your mom and dad they may not mean to but they do they fill you with faults they had add add some and add some extra just for you but they were fucked up in their turn by fools and old style hats and coats who half the time were sloppy stern and half at one another's throats man hands on misery to man it deepens like a coastal shelf get out as early as you can and don't have any kids

yourself now she sends me a note and it says i am taking a literature class this summer and this is the initial reading more to come xo and sorry for everything mom are you sure that's not a suicide note if she had not she texted me right afterwards about something completely different, about taxes, and I was like, had she not sent that text, I'd have been like, yo, what's the deal? Yeah.

Sorry about everything. What do you mean, mom? Everything. Everything. All of it. I read a poem, and now I realize how much I fucked up. Everything that's ever happened to you,

because I brought you into this world. All of it. How about this, while we're sharing? I get a text today from my nanny. So this morning I went over to the kids. Today's their last day of school because tomorrow, Thursday and Friday, is graduation and shit. Graduation. Graduation from?

Shay is kindergarten, which I remember that. I remember Keegan is graduating from four-year-old pre-K. It's two hours a day. It's glorified babysitting. It's like he goes to gym class for like an hour a day, and he's graduating. And some of the fucking kids in his class are having a graduation party. Oh, really? Like, bro, what?

He's friends with some of these kids, so I'm just going to go. I'm like, call it what it is. You're having a play date. Yeah, yeah, what? He's friends with some of these kids, so I'm just going to go. I'm like, call it what it is. You're having a play date. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not having a fucking graduation party for a goddamn four-year-old, okay? But I get a text from my nanny. So I went over in the morning. I hang out.

I give him breakfast, get him ready. I usually take Shay, come back, then take Keegan. I go to school different times. Today I had to get in early. So I took Shay, and I said, Keegan, I take Keegan. I go to school different times. Today I had to get in early, so I took Shea, and I said, Keegan, I got to go. I'm going to work. Love you.

See you later. I guess, I don't know, he didn't understand that I wasn't coming back to pick him up. So I just get a text. Hey, Keegan was very upset this morning when he realized you weren't coming back and taking him to school. He said, when is daddy coming back? Is he stuck in traffic? Just thought you should know.

Oh, oh, did you? You just thought, hey, hey, divorce dad. Here's this thing that you have absolutely no control over right now as you sit in work that happened in the past that can no longer be fixed in any way, shape or form that you have no control over. It's going to ruin your day. You can't do anything about it. Just know you should know. Thank you very much,

Miss Lippy. They fuck you up, your mom and dad. God damn it. Unreal, man. The only thing that parents, the only thing that I can confidently pass down to the next generation, I know I'm not fucking them up, is tell them about Revitalite.

I'm going to get these kids drinking Revitalite this summer. I'm going to have Keegan ripping that blue raspberry, the black label from Barstool Sports. I'm going to be putting them in their little sippy cups and in their thermoses and stuff because Revitalite is the best way to get advanced hydration into your body to replenish the vital fluids and the minerals and all that good stuff. It's better than just water.

Water. How about you hook me up with some of that good stuff, with the electrolyte formula that you find in all the stuff, the drinks that you give your babies when they're young. That's the thing. Actually, they've been drinking that. Yeah, forever. So it's like, why do you stop? You drink it when you're a kid, when you're sick, and know, that's the thing. I actually, you know, they've been drinking that. Yeah. Forever. So it's like, why do you leave?

Why do you stop? You drink it when you're a kid, when you're sick and when you need all the hydration, then all of a sudden you stop. Now you come back around. No, no, no.

Just keep on drinking it. Whether you're a baby or whether you're out there boozing, it helps you, uh, fight through hangovers. It helps you stay hydrated, helps you do all of it. Uh,

hydrate responsibly right now. You can get that barstool black label, which is the Barry frost flavor, uh, where you, Right now, you can get that Barstool Black Label, which is the Berry Frost flavor. You drink half a bottle in the pregame, I think. Half a bottle or mix it when you're drinking. Finish the bottle when you go home at night.

Drink a full bottle in the morning. That's the motto right there. That's the game plan to fight that hangover. Go to the Barstool store where you can buy it online amongst all of our other merch. Or

go to the Barstool store where you can buy it with all of our other merch and tag us at DrinkRevitalite. Speaking of other merch, Baby's First t-shirt's out. Jackie's got her I Just Live shirt. I Don't Live and learn I just live

everything's out crew neck and t-shirt um yeah I think it has a chance to be like a full brand for her now I put I also put out a poll and I said should Jackie's hive of fans be called the Beanie Babies? Oh. Or, based on this new brand here, I just live the livers. I'm a liver. I'm not a learner. I'm a liver. And then people who, like, fuck with you and you get, like,

you're enemies, you're a fucking learner. Fucking learner. I'm a liver. The Beanie Babies versus the livers i think the beanie babies uh was crushing in the poll i think i like beanie babies let me see um i kind of like livers i like them both to be honest i mean you can have a couple you know right there's like well no i mean you got to have like your your one yeah beanie Babies is 73 to 27. So pretty solid. Also, that is, if we're going to really start kind of connecting things,

a little spoiler alert for a future episode. Josh Richards knows about the Bean Girl story and now recognizes Jackie as Bean Girl. So that feels like one you kind of want to lean into. I mean, she finally is coming around on the idea of leaning into it, not because of us and our good advice, just because Josh Richards said it, and she was like, oh, yeah, you're right.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. How was that bean thing, by the way? It was fine. That's not for you. It was fine. Eating the Reese's Pieces. Yeah, I could see it actually kind of being kind of good.

Yeah, definitely. So everybody buy the shirt so that Jackie does not need to pimp her body out and sell her feet and get scammed. I said to her, I was just trying to put together a tweet being like, buy the shirt so that Jackie doesn't need to go on seeking arrangements or sell her feet or I was just looking for a couple other things. And I was like, what are the other things you've done for money?

And she was like, well, she's like, I got scammed with Cutco knives. I got scammed with Fabletics. I lost $600. I was like, how many times? Yeah, what happened with Fabletics? I don't know. I guess I signed up for a reward. I thought I was signing up for a rewards program,

but it was like a presidential subscription or something where I have the option of buying $200 a month of leggings. But I didn't, I don't know. I don't know. I just didn't see it. So I thought I was signing up for something else and then it just ended up charging my card like $600. It sounds like you signed up for a subscription service and didn't use a subscription.

No, no, no, it wasn't. It was like I signed up for like a discount thinking I was going to get like a discount, 24 leggings, no, three leggings for $24. But then I clicked a box that said, it was like a bunch of terms and services. I remember this being like, that was kind of sus. And then I clicked a box that said, I will pay $200 a month, like $100 a month or something.

And this went on for whatever. What a box. Do you want to pay $24? Click here if you want to pay $600. Only you, babe. So support the girl so that she doesn't have to become a sugar baby. She can just stay bean girl and make that money.

I don't live and learn. I just live. We've got to talk about a couple things here. First of all, I think I know where you stand on this issue. But the live golf thing is one of my favorite things that's ever happened. Well, where do you think I stand? I think that you would do it in a heartbeat. but the live golf thing is one of my favorite things that's ever happened. I, well, where do you think I stand? I think that you would do it in a heartbeat.

It depends who I am. If I was Tiger, I would not. No, but do you know what he got offered? A billion. Yeah. Or close to a billion.

Yeah. I mean, I'd be like, your career is basically over. You're going to be like, yeah. And it is like, it is so like,

you know, everyone's mad for 10 minutes. No one's going to remember if it's successful. If it fails, you're going to be a laughing stock. I don't know. I mean, Saudi Arabia does some fucked up shit. Yeah, but I mean like every time something, you know, anytime there's a shit. Is this the only company that works with Saudi Arabia? No.

Let me tell you about it. Brother, let me tell you what goes on in America. That's why I don't have a problem with it. But they're just a little more, let's call it demonstrative with chopping off hands and stuff, murdering journalists and shit. No, but I'm saying, if you're yelling at me, yell at fucking Biden.

Everyone works with this fucking government. Yes, you're right. Totally. You're right. What's happening in China is awful too. But I can't fucking fix it. I might as well get money while I'm here. That is, I mean, that's what I'm saying. I wouldn't want to get yelled at. So I can't fucking fix it. I might as well get money while I'm here. That is – I mean that's what I'm saying. That's what I thought you would be. I wouldn't want to get yelled at. That's not –

So that's what I – so I asked Zah this question. Zah was like, cash rules, man. But where is your cutoff for – not because of the morality. Let's be fucking honest. Nobody in the world except for the very, very selfless people go out there and try to stop what's happening in saudi arabia anyway what everyone else what would you do what what what is this a fucking movie what would i do what would one even do right so i'll sit here right now i'll sit here right now and say fucking mbs i'm not doing a podcast for you for anything less than

100 million dollars there's my part. What can I do? Yeah, so there's really no action to take. I'm way less than that, by the way. A fraction of a fraction of that. Bro, I will go live in Saudi Arabia for some of that money. Give me a break. No, I won't. I'm subbed. How many figures in a million? Seven? Seven money. Give me a break. No, I won't. I'm subbed.

How many figures in a million? Seven? Seven figures. Sub seven will get me. I think that anybody who says they wouldn't do it for their conscience is a fucking liar because there's a difference between the morality of it and being bothered by the people who have a problem with the morality of it you know what i mean yes like i don't care i i don't love it i don't want it to be happening it's not that i don't care it's just that i can't stop it can't fix it so it's not my problem it's not an issue that i have

to worry about in my day-to-day life for me and my family. What I do care about is if after every single round, I have a horde of reporters being like, Kevin Clancy, Kevin Clancy, there was a woman who was murdered in Saudi Arabia today because she doesn't have rights, and that's who writes your checks. What do you think about that? I don't want to deal, you know, Greg Norman's up there. He's just like, well, you know, you know, it's complicated.

Next question. You ain't give a fuck. Where's that energy with politicians because again as a government we do this yeah it's like

you should be well I guess those people don't have access to like Joe Biden and shit they have access to Dustin Johnson

but you can do it with a congressman you can do it with senators like why are you fucking yelling at an athlete what is he gonna do

yeah because they want to write an article and they want to quote you know they have all their ulterior motives I agree it is unsavory

to say the very least. But, like, I learned this little trick when I was defending Kraft with the handjob stuff. A little bit of a different scenario. Sure, sure, sure, sure. But it was, like, everything you trace back to where it's coming from is evil. Bad people. Right? Like, every single thing.

Like, why are you taking Nike's money? What Every single thing. Why are you taking Nike's money? What about Nike's? Why are you taking Apple's money? Everything is going to take you to a third world country where

people are being exploited and their rights are being abused. 100%. And that sucks and it's awful and I wish it wasn't happening.

But I don't know. I have to make money too. It's just, you know, the good guys and the bad guys. Saudi Arabia is the bad guys. Like, where are the fucking bad guys?

All these, especially golf, all these banks that sponsor something, they're the worst. All these fancy luxury brands that, like, run the golf courses or sponsor the golf courses. Like, all this shit is rich, affluent, dirty blood money that stays in the hands of the rich and keeps down the poor and funds drugs and funds violence and sex and all like all of it is bad money is bad all the money in the world is dirty money uh but there just is you know publicly a difference between like saudi arabia and america so what so I've heard that like, basically it's, it's not like a salary or whatever. It's like,

boom, you have $130 million in your bank account right now. Like you sign it. I push a button. 130 million. This is a true cash on table. Yes. This isn't like,

it's not a Sal. It's not like a 10 million upfront and then we'll pay you over time and we'll defer it. And it's like, here's like, it's also if things go well, like, you know, maybe we'll like,

no, no, here's your money. No, here it is. And then, and then there is an upside too. It's like,'s like it's also if things go well like you know maybe we'll like no no here's your money no here it is right and then and then there is an upside too it's like this is what you get now and then you have a chance to make like 50 to 70 million more but right now bingo bango we will double triple quintuple 10x your your net worth and uh all you gotta do is sign this and play and and also what's crazy is like I was trying to compare it to other sports. You can't really do that because you're going to – it's you against the golf course. Like baseball players would take the money, of course.

But it's also like I want to play in the major leagues. I can't go to Japan and just be like I'm beating up on inferior competition my whole life. I want a legacy. I want to be the best. I want to compete, all that shit. But in golf, it's like you go get 10 really good good guys get a bunch of other scrubs they all compete against the course anyway so it's not even like they're sacrificing what's the deal with the teams yeah that i don't quite understand that i mean it's pretty convoluted with yeah zach knows it

all it's like it's just like team play and shotgun starts and all these things first of all i just saw a quote i don't know if you want to talk about it but some reporter asked them during a press conference if vladimir putin had a so i had a whatever it's called had a league would you play and all these things. First of all, I just saw a quote. I don't know if you want to talk about it, but some reporter asked them during a press conference if Vladimir Putin had a league, would you play that? And they were like, I'm not answering that question. And then they asked you from South Africa, would you play an apartheid South Africa? And he's like, these are hypothetical questions.

Yeah, I mean, I would duck those, but I do understand what they're saying. But it's also just to be like, I am taking a fuck ton of money. But anyways, yeah, so there's 12 teams, 48 golfers. There's like a draft draft so they just did like a draft so it's like they have 12 captains they basically draft all the guys whatever and then you go out i don't really know the exact team format like i think it's just like combined

score or whatever there's no cut so everyone has to play and they're only playing three days instead of four so yeah it's kind of like you know you play less golf fun golf like it's like it's like uh you know regular guys on the weekend rules type shit. I wouldn't play. It wouldn't be a money thing. I wouldn't join this league because of the name. Sounds like a fucking club people get date raped at. You know what it is. It's just the Roman

numeral for 54 because you play 54 holes. Yeah. What are you saying over there? Live is a club. Live is a club. He knows. What are you saying over there? Live is a real club. Dave very popularly goes there. He knows.

He's aware. Oh, you guys explained to me that Live is a real club? Thanks, guys. That was John's point. I don't like the number 11. It sounds like a fucking club in Miami. I don't even give a shit about the play. You know what?

If these guys were smart, they should have you sign, you get the money, and here's a packet on all of the talking points on how to be like, when they say, would you play for Vladimir Putin? I'd be like, who do you write for? The New York Times? Well, I'm pretty sure the CEO of the New York Times did XYZ who works along with this child rapist. And then it's like, boom. They should have been prepared because

you can say, these are all hypotheticals, I'm not answering this, but these are parallel type questions where it's just like, you need to just be able to say, well, the people who work for the PGA also do XYZ and ABC. But also, the first person to say, it's money, guys. It's money.

Dustin Johnson said, he pointed to his family and was like, I did what's best for me and my family, which is the politer way to say cash rules, man. He doubled his net worth in a day, his whole career, and then can make tens of millions more. If they didn't want this to happen, why doesn't the PGA say, if you do this, and I'm sure I don't know what I'm talking about, so

there's reasons why they can't do this. I think they did. You're saying ban them? Not ban them, but Phil said he has every intention of playing in the majors, right? So the PGA Tour doesn't run the majors. The majors are private. So the US Open's next week. They all get to play in the u.s

open i said the other the other places have not yet said it but if those if the majors ban you there might be you know yeah you're never going to play in the masters again but the masters you want to talk about a fucked up institution the masters might just be like oh yeah yeah we do that all the time this is audio arabian it's, come on down. Tell them, Condoleezza. So the problem is the only thing you're not going to be able to play in is the Buick invitation. And those guys are like, fuck that.

And so it's like, I think it's very cool that like, not cool because again, you know, Saudi Arabians. But like, anytime there's been a challenger to a major league, it just never works. This is working.

Yeah. Working. I still can't. I mean, I'm not exactly the target audience here. But something about just the live. That's really bugging you, huh? It's like going to that channel and like, want to watch the live tournament?

No, I don't want to watch the live tournament like ugh no I don't want to watch the live tournament that that affects me zero percent I mean you know what the PGA Tour

should do now it's more the golf you know what the PGA Tour now should do like hi we're having like the uh the Tiger Invitational where Tiger Woods

is sponsoring this event all money goes to prosthetics for little girls who have their hands chopped off in the Saudi Arabia. I would lean into that. Everything, every single day is all about how horrible Saudi Arabia can be. But, yo, listen, when a guy who's nicknamed the Shark gets his hands on a few hundred million dollars and backed by Saudi Arabians, shit's going to go down. It is.

They should have hired better photographers because the pictures coming out are a true risk. All this money and you guys can't get some good headshots? They all look like they put, if they got $120 million, they all look like they just did 119 worth of cocaine. And guess what? They probably did. That's probably the other thing is like,

hey, you're're gonna get all this money and it's gonna be awesome yeah um so uh anyway you know the the world in general is a bad place so um you can't stop that you can only hope to try to make your way through it and that's where better help comes in where they can help you uh online where you don't need to contact with a doctor directly in person. You can get a BetterHelp therapist through text, through phone calls, and through FaceTime. So that greatly reduces the amount of time it takes to find a doctor, greatly reduces the cost, reduces all the awkward interactions of like, I don't want to wait in the waiting room. I don't want to have to find my way to find this doctor.

I just sign up. They match you within a couple of days, within 48 hours. You do your session. If you don't like it, move on, on to the next one until you find somebody. And then you can have regularly scheduled therapy sessions. Like I said, either via text, phone call or FaceTime, all at a fraction of the costs. And on top of that, BetterHelp is offering people 10% off your first month when you go to betterhelp.com slash KFC.

That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash KFC. Get 10% off that first month of therapy. Prioritize yourself and talk with someone over the internet who can help you navigate this crazy old fucked up world uh every day seeing something new and crazy and fucked up um none of which compares to the 12 minute mark of season three episode one of the boys which was a television scene i was not prepared for. I was told The Boys, if you haven't seen it...

Can I say something real quick? I knew going into it that... You knew what it was? I didn't watch it right away. So I knew... Wait, Jackie, do you know what this is? No. Do we have footage of it? I'd like to get a reaction. I have it on my phone, if not.

You got Prime, right? So anyway, I'd like to get a reaction. I have it on my phone, if not. You got Prime, right? So anyway, I will say that I watched it a few days late, probably. So I knew that in the first ten minutes, there was something crazy. The second I saw what was happening at the party where he was fucking a Barbie doll,

I knew exactly what was happening. You knew that exact thing was going to happen? I didn't know it was going to go in the dick. I knew the Thanos tweet was happening. So, uh... The second I saw that dude fucking a Barbie. The character, and the boys, if you don't know it, is a show on Amazon Prime.

It's an awesome show. I just texted it to you if you want to... It's on Amazon Prime. It's a very... If you can use the word realistic while talking about superheroes, it's a very realistic take on if the world had superheroes, this is how it would go.

They would become militarized. They would become super rock stars. They would become greedy and perverts and violent because that's, you know, absolute power corrupts absolutely, sort of shit. And so this show is very violent,

very sexual, very weird, and they always push the shit. And so this show is very violent, very sexual, very weird, and they always push the envelope. And this season in particular, I think, is so fucking good in the sense that... Wait, hang on, hang on. Don't, don't, don't, don't.

No, no, no, no, no. So, I mean, in the past, they've had, like, they did, they had a guy blow himself in a season, like a clone was sucking his own dick. They've had sex scenes that are basically fight scenes, people's heads going through the walls.

They've had explosions of bodies. They've done it all. This one involves a superhero that his ability is he can shrink down to like a microscopic size. So let's do it. We'll do a reaction. Have you seen it? Have you seen it? You saw it? Okay. So you two can watch it. I think we're a little late here, a little bit.

So just to be clear, this guy has been doing cocaine. Right. So he's partying with his boyfriend or some guy. He's ripping lines and sneezing all over the place and the guy says I want you inside of me. Okay. So termite man is inside of this guy's dick,

rubbing the inner walls, starts to sneeze. Now he's in this dick as a microscopic guy. Oh my God. Termite man. So he hops in the dick and he does the wiggle with his feet to get in.

It looks like if you're an older person like me, if you've ever seen Honey, I Shrunk the Kids where the set was all these giant, it's a giant piece of furniture and a giant bottle. This is just a gigantic dickhead. That's what it was. Yeah, yeah.

They built it. Yeah, no, I know. I mean, it's all this huge. I thought it was because of the tweet when I first, again, I knew what was happening. So when I first saw him jump in, I was like, that is not a very realistic looking butthole. No, it's not. It ain't. So, yeah, so he jumps in the dick, is scratching and rubbing the insides of the dick tunnel.

Would that feel good? I guess it's kind of like a reverse gerbil. You know, now, stuff going up your dick hole is a thing. I know. I do not get that at all because any time I've gotten soap or anything even close to the tip, it hurts like in here. You know, like in here. And so I'm thinking if something were to the tip, it hurts like in here, you know, like in here. And so I'm thinking if something were to go in, it would be more pain than anything.

But, you know, to each their own. Whatever floats your boat, don't you have to yum? And then, yeah, he grows to full size and explodes the guy from the inside out, which was like a meme slash joke slash theory that Marvel fans came up with for Ant-Man. They said, why doesn't Ant-Man shrink down to size, go up Thanos' ass, and explode him, and then the fight is over?

So these guys probably were like, the internet has talked about this. The internet wants that. Which I love. It's like shows like that, they're just like, let's give the people what they want. We're the show that can, Marvel's not going to do that. We can do that. And in order to, we'll tweak it, we're going to have the dick hole.

Well, that's not why they went with the dick we're going to have the dick hole well that's not that's not why they went to the dick hole they went to the dick hole because they've already done a butt death they've already done a butt death yeah with a chick squishing his head yeah that was awesome that girl with the shit this guy was eating eating her ass and he just crushed his head with her fucking butt um the show's great the show's great this was actually i thought this was like i was like okay okay like we're good three seasons in we've done something crazy every season like we're good you know where do you even go from here if you want to continue to raise the bar uh but in it it was funny in it

the guy says he's like oh yeah yeah that's it get to the prostate get to the prostate and the conversation that john and i had about that was cracking me up i i john's the prostate, get to the prostate. And the conversation that John and I had about that was cracking me up. John's at the prostate. The prostate's in your butt, not your dick. Your prostate's in your dick, so every time I'm fucking, I'm fucking my own ass. No, no, no. I'm just saying, technically, right now, my dick's in my ass.

Yeah, right. If the prostate's connected to my dick, then, yeah, the whole path is there but the prostate is a part of your dick you know track if you will you can just feel it through your asshole oh really

I don't know Zach doesn't know so when you go in your when you go in your ass, you're in your rectum, and then you push your rectum wall against your prostate. Well, I didn't know that. But you did if you think about it. Well, that was the conversation we had. So the back and forth for two grown men, technically talking about work, because I was like, this is the conversation we're going to be having.

I mean, I said to him, he goes, wait, your dick connects to your butt? So I'm technically always fucking my own ass. God is a pervert. That is what we have to do. And I said, well, you're not actually touching your prostate when you're in your ass. You're just pushing on it. You're in your colon, I think. I'm not Bill Nye.

And you go, what are you, a doctor? Yeah, because think about it. I'll tell you what you sound like. You sound like a pervert. No, dude, you go what are you a doctor but yeah because i'll tell you what you sound like you sound like a pervert no did you go three inches up on the wall and push you sound like a pervert well i just i just saw a graphic i kind of did the math because well think about when if if i were to tell you that something was up your asshole you wouldn't think you know what's up your right? It's like your colon and your rectum and shit. That's where the shit comes from.

I would have said my colon is my fucking outside is the fucking hole. Your colon's the hole? No, it's the sphincter. The sphincter's the hole. The little thing's the rectum and then the rectum. But this is literally about shit. This is the shit system. Over here's the dick system.

They just happen to be touching each other So you can kind of push and feel it Don't even get started on the vaginal system Because guess what? I don't know shit about that either It's like If I were It's like I don't know

You push like your stomach And it hits like your bladder You're not pushing your bladder, you're pushing your stomach into your bladder. You know what I mean? Right, right, right. So this is like you're in your asshole and your rectum, which is hitting the prostate. So you're kind of pushing against it. I literally definitely, I absolutely thought your prostate was back there.

That I can definitively say. So you thought your prostate was mixed up with your shit and stuff? I thought your prostate was in your butt. Like in your butt. Yeah. No, I mean, I did too, but then when I thought about it, I was like, oh no, it's not. Because that's what everyone said forever. Everyone said that. How do you get to the prostate? It was in your butt. Like, in your butt. Yeah, no, I mean, I did too, but then when I thought about it, I was like, oh, no, it's not. Because that's what everyone said forever. Everyone said that.

How do you get to the prostate? It's in the butt. So if you think about it, but so that's why this dude. So he's running deep into the. Yeah, because if you go. So your prostate makes your cum, your semen, or your sperm, one of those two things. Yeah. One of those.

Guess what, Kevin? I think they're the same. Right, so it makes all that shit, and then it pushes it, you know, it shoots it into your dick. So think about if guys like getting their prostate touched and you're through the butt, this guy was going to get the direct good good. He was going to get someone hitting the actual prostate through the dick. So that's why he was like, get to the prostate, get to the prostate. Yeah, that would be pretty cool.

That would be worth a shot, worth the risk of being ripped in half by a coke sneeze. It does seem like something if you were a i guess because you're all coked up but i feel like if that was your superpower you would either a know how to control that or b know that that is a very serious pitfall yeah like i'll do it but just you know beware yeah no you wear i use my prostate like the blob. Boing! That is, but I said, I think that's the craziest scene in TV history. All things considered.

It's a coke binge with a superpower crawling into a dick which they show inside of a dick which they show I don't think the inside, I don't know, that looked like the inside of a pussy almost. That looked like a flashlight. It's the same thing. I don't think it is. That's what I've heard. I've heard a clit is a fucking

just a little dick. I've heard from scientists in bars and that the inside of a dick is like a pussy wall. There's no way that's true. Because a pussy wall is designed to feel good. People say that's what the dick feels like

but that's not designed for that the inside of the dick is a tube to come and piss out there's no way that feels good that's just to get stuff out that's not what Rick said and then the explosion from the inside and the blood everywhere can you think of a scene that's crazier than that?

I mean, that is number one, and I don't know how much you can top it because we're doing full male nudity in the form of gigantic size. But also in the regular size. Yeah, that guy dicks out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't think you can beat it. I mean, when he says, I want you inside me, he starts taking his pants off. I thought it was the butt too.

But then he kind of goes like this, and you realize he's putting it on the table. And then I was like, oh, I know what's going on here. But it's a very cool scene, even the way he jumps over the Coke line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a little mountain. And everything is giant size, including the dick. Oh, imagine like dolphin-ing your way into a dick. You know what the inside of a dick must smell and like how hot it is i think i think

that is probably smells like pussy depends on where that dick's been i suppose you know what the like the inside smells the inside of that guy's butt i don't think it smells like pussy it smells like that but the pussy just smells like the inside of the human body like if you cut your arm and smell it smells like pussy like pussy. Yeah, well, it's like all those things. Blood and all the flesh. Yo, if you were fucking... Okay, so here's the thing. If you cut yourself working out, and you got a little bit of blood out, and you smell it,

it's pussy. Yeah, it's the pennies. It's that metallic... You got a little copper, a little sweat. Yeah, that's it. That's it. You put a little salt... Pussy smells like iron and sweat.

That's it. You put a little salt on a penny smells like iron and sweat. That's it. You put a little salt on a penny and you're good to go. If you want to replicate it at home, you don't want to cut yourself, take a penny, dip it in water, pour some salt on it, suck on it. That's pussy. If you're lucky. Jackie's reluctantly laughing over there. That's what we call an inquisitive laugh.

She's thinking while she's doing it. Do girls ever check out their own situation? Dude. Dude. I'm telling you right now, if I was a girl, as soon as I learned about that, that guys are like, oh, my God, that girl's pussy smelled bad, I'd be like. I've never smelled a bad pussy. You haven't? I don't think so. I don't have. Maybe once or twice,

but that's not a regular issue I've run into. I haven't regularly, but I know. I like a little salt on the rim anyway, though. Heavens to Betsy. I get my margaritas with salt on the rim. A little taste. Too clean to have... go run a lap or two that's disgusting

that's disgusting that's disgusting that's disgusting that's okay that I draw the line that scene okay that I draw the line that's disgusting

that's disgusting that's disgusting that was disgusting I don't like that that was disgusting that just makes me upset goodness gracious unbelievable yeah no that is disgusting

John might be like that but the rest of us like to have our and our partner's area all well kept. Nobody wants an unkempt... Yeah, manscaped. Manscaped. Manscaped has the lawnmower 4.0. That is basically just a clipper, by the way. You want to use that for, of course, you can do the manscaping, but you can do the back of your neck, you can do your chest,

you can do your face. You can do it all. It comes with the thing that you clip on, so you can do it short length, medium length, or right up against it. You cut it, and then they also have an array of lotions and serums and deodorants that you put on so that it smells fresh and good because most of the world wants it to be that way except for John. I want it bad. It's just fucking tasty.

A little spice on it. Come on, dude. Bam! A little emerald. Bam on it. It's like a little salt and pepper on my chicken. On my tuna my tacos uh right now like i said is the lawnmower 4.0 and has the skin safe technology they have the weed whacker for the ears and the nose hairs i don't think i have ear hair no i don't know there there's any in you. I get a little bit like right there.

Yeah, I've noticed a couple of Nossies lately. I've trimmed them like that, but the ear hair thing, you can just go, just go right up the schnoz and get them all done. And then they have the crop preserver with the anti-chafing ball deodorant. They have the crop reviver, which is a spray that I think tightens your balls up. I personally like a low hang, but if you want them to, you do the little spray. And on top of that, there's a travel bag that it all comes in. Right now, you can go to manscaped.com, use promo code KFC, and get 20% off plus free shipping.

That's manscaped.com, promo code KFC. Let's get into our Am I the Assholes. We have a monster guest today in Michael Che. So we'll get to him. Of course, we got our voicemails. Did you just take all those out of order, you motherfucker? No, no, no. I was surprised to see eBay on there. Yeah, we got

our six ads back. We're back in business, plus a new sponsor in there. So, Am I the Asshole today? This one has gone viral. Am I the Asshole for not having catering at my wedding? Me, female 28, and my fiance, 30-year-old male, just got married two months ago, and we had our dream wedding. Everything was perfect, and I mean everything. My parents and his parents helped us pay for a great chunk of the wedding, so we were debt-free, and we're so eternally grateful for that. The issue arose about a month and a half ago when my aunt started posting on Facebook about how disappointed she was in the whole ordeal

and a few guests sided with her. Background. My fiance and I are huge Disney fans. We travel to Disney World as much as we can throughout the year. Disney is such an important part not only to us but also to our marriage okay you're the asshole next up right but the issue was with our decision to not offer

catering services slash bar services at our wedding due to routing the money towards having a wedding mini and mickey mouse appearances on our special day. The cost to have both Minnie and Mickey for a good chunk of time, 30 minutes, was almost exactly what our parents allotted for our catering budget. So we scheduled an appearance during our first dance and throughout our wedding photos, foregoing served food, although there were plenty of facilities at the venue where people could eat. My parents were still very supportive of us,

but everyone else is being a passive-aggressive about it on Facebook. Edit on the info to those asking if the guests were warned. We clearly outlined in the invitation that there was food available at the venue. We didn't exactly spell out every restaurant's menu, but it was certainly mentioned. There was also vending machines available throughout. For everyone saying that it's too much money for 30 minutes, I want to clarify that it was two 30-minute sessions on different days.

$27.50 was the cost for one session. So that's $5,500 for the whole shebang. Now, the husband has come into play here. Oh, yeah? And he has said, you don't understand. It's a two-year waiting list just to look at the dates that they're available. So this is official Mickey and Minnie. This is the real deal.

This is like Santa from the North Pole. This is not his buddies at the mall... This is the real deal. Holy shit. This is not... This is like Santa from the North Pole. This is not his buddies at the mall. This is the real shit. You think you could just fucking... You think, oh, I want to just go to a costume shop and have your cousins do it for 20 bucks. Yeah. No, no, no. No. These are... This is Mr. and Mrs. Mouse. This is when they fucking... Nick and Min Mouse.

They're getting capitalized for a reason. This is... Yeah. Let me see if there's some other... See, like, these aren't the people little kids meet at the Magic Kingdom. These are the people. These are lifers right here. Now, also, there's this woman on top of it all who... I mean,

this thread of her of just being like, leave these people alone. Here's the deal. Want to read her thread quickly too? Okay. I won't be quickly, but I'll read it.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, Disney fairytale weddings have been a thing since the 1900, since the 1990s. Uh, Disney already had a huge honeymoon market and decided to go for weddings.

Thousands, if not millions have married or honeymooned at Disney park or on a cruise. What does this have to do with religion? Many of the Disney fans I have observed in person and online find immense meaning in the parks. People don't just marry at Disney. They mourn lost relatives at Disney. They go to Disney to celebrate surviving cancer. They go there for one last trip before they die.

Religion is a way of making meaning in the world through stories and rituals. It's about a network of relationships with the human and non-human. It's about making homes and confronting suffering uh all of this happens at disney cast members literally welcome you quote unquote home is this capitalism sure it is is this at least quasi-religious yes and by the way most religions are intertwined with capitalism um disney offers uh disney owns our stories for some people both of those who have traditional religion and those who don't, the promise of magic at Disney and the feelings they get there

are powerful. I've seen people cry at the fireworks many times. Incidentally, the magic, would I want to go to a wedding with no food because the bride and groom wanted pictures with Mickey? No, no I would not. But when they say Disney is a big part of their lives, I take that seriously. Maybe they met there. Maybe the

ideas the mouse stands for brings them joy. Maybe it's the only place their parents ever acted happy, or yeah, maybe they're selfish. But if we measure religion, not by its truth claims, because we can't assess those unless we have something much more powerful than a PhD, but if we measure it by the power

in people's lives, then Disney is as much a religion as anything. I'll be honest, I'm picking up what she's putting down. That's why I wanted to read it. She's 100% right, and that's why we should ban all religion. I was going to say, I agree with her, and it's not that I

I'm like, yeah, girl, I'm like, yeah, this is all fucking stupid. Yeah, you were right. This is all dumb. Religion is anything that you rely upon to escape regular life because the world is fucked up and you need a way to just say, well, you know, I believe in this guy. I believe in these mouse.

Guess what? These mice. At least fucking Mickey pays taxes. Right. At least Mickey's fucking fucking. At least Mickey's here, bro. At least Mickey's a real thing. At least Mickey, there's tangible proof that Mickey exists.

Mickey can at least go, and you're like, yeah, that's funny. I mean, I'm with her on that. The United States government and the state of Florida get money from Mickey. Right. That's more than God ever did, alright? Not even God. Any church on any

street corner, any cardinal, any bishop. How about a fucking fiver, bro? Yeah, for real. Payback a system, dude. Now, wait a minute. I'm also confused. Was there no food? Or there was no, like, they said, like, catered services.

They got married at a fucking mall, it sounds like. I mean, like, there's, no, there were no catered services. But, like, they definitely didn't get married at a wedding venue. Right, clearly. Because there was, there's, there's, there were restaurants abound, whatever the fuck that means. So I'm thinking it's like some kind of... Like a food court. Or even like a fucking...

Not a food court, but like a... Ah, God, I can't think of one. The places they rent out when you have banquets when you're a kid. You know, like your little league banquet. You have like a little meal and like there's a little dais. Like an American Legion? No, it's not quite a Legion, but it's like a – I don't want to use specific names like the ones we went to when I was growing up.

But like they're – It's just like they have like seven different rooms in this building there that are designed to host little parties. Yeah, it's probably just like an event space. But even those, they fed you at those. Yeah. So my thing was like they provided no food. None whatsoever.

Because at first I sort of thought it was like it's a buffet where it's like you had to serve yourself. No, no, no, no, no. No food whatsoever. Because that is kind of a new age thing. I've been to two weddings over the last three or four years where it was – there wasn't dinner. But there were food trucks. There were buffets. It was like –

Here's what I think about this whole thing. First of all – And those were better, by the way, because those were like we want to party. So fucking – That's part of what I was going to say. We're not doing the sit-down dinner. I hate adult Disney people. Let's put that over here for a moment.

That aside, it's your fucking wedding. You get to do whatever the fuck you want. It's like if I threw a party, which is what a wedding is, and it was like Aladdin themed, and you came to it and didn't like it well fuck you it's my fucking party you know what I mean so it's weird as shit but A I get to do like whatever I want B

food at weddings it kills the wedding I want to say this about bachelor parties too I saw Hank was tweeting that he's going to Austin with 20 of his friends and I just assumed it was a bachelor party maybe. I saw Hank was tweeting that he's going to Austin with 20 of his friends. And I just assumed it was a bachelor party. Maybe it's not because they're a little bit younger.

He never specified bachelor party. But whether you're just going with a group of guys or if it's a bachelor party, the Saturday night big dinner at a bachelor party needs to be abolished. Get rid of it. Friday night when you first get there, fine. Saturday, once you wake up, you're day drinking, your buzz is on, you're raging, you're partying. You either need to keep the party going or you need to gear up for the nighttime. Neither of which it's a good idea to go eat a fucking 15-ounce steak and cream spinach in a dark place and then get dessert.

I mean you could do all that. I'm going to fucking sleep after that. Same thing with a wedding. But also like that, I wasn't that way. I'm probably that way now. I wasn't that way. I'm going to fucking sleep after that. Same thing with a wedding. But also like that, I wasn't that way. I'm probably that way now. I wasn't that way. I'm actually not that way now. I still, I can turn it up when I need to.

But, um, no, if anything, if anything back then, even less do I want to eat now? I would want to go to a nice dinner on Saturday night and then call it a night. Back then, I actually, we, we we we had that scheduled for my bachelor party and my brother checked with me like five times like we're doing the dinner we're doing the dinner and i was like at that point i was kind of like yeah that's what we do we ended up going to this this thing in manasquan called around the world where all the different beach houses represent a different country and it's like a bar crawl through the whole town and then it was dinner time and we were like fuck that we're drunk we're not going to that and the the place had called him a thousand times because i they

must like know this happens and we bailed and i think we got hit with some sort of like almost like a security deposit for our reservation but like because we were all like fuck that we don't want to go i got people tweeted me saying that they showed they've showed up ate a piece of bread threw down a hundred dollars and left same thing, I went to a bachelor party in New Orleans and we went to a Saints game on Sunday night and that was more from

I ran out of gas, but I was like, I'm going home. I watched the quarter. I was like, I've seen the Superdome. I get it. The Saints.

I'm going back to the fucking hotel. I'm going to die. So back to this wedding, like I don't, the only, back to weddings in general you come out you do a dance you like get going a little bit finally there's some momentum and then they're like now please take your seat for your dinner and it's like oh tranquilizing to the neck because you probably had three cocktails you've mingled a bit right you've cocktail hour

usually cocktail hours have grown so big now that usually most people have their fill for like a party night. I'm not saying it's a dinner. But when you have a Saturday night party night, you need to get like a little base in your stomach. But you're not like, let me have a feast before I go party. Let me get a couple things in me. There's like sliders and there's like little mini hot dogs and then there's some fancy shit like sushi whatever but most people add on an extra half hour they spend the extra money for different stations then you're expected to sit down and have a salad and a steak or a chicken or a fish and then dessert and it's just like i think you should either do a the problem

is though that there's certain status associated with it where it's like oh there was a buffet at the wedding but it's like fuck that the easier thing for me to do is like if the food's you can still have good food but it's up to you you want to go get it and you can load up if you want because you're an old person you want to be fat and just eat and chill fine if you're a younger person you can just dabble a little bit not eat at all it's all good or i think just i think dinner should not even be part of weddings. I think you should have it even later in the day or have it afterwards or have a little cocktail hour, but dinner?

Nah, not tonight. It ruins the vibe. I think you should start it, get your speeches done, maybe have some food, and then it's party. That's why you gotta have a little bit of food because you gotta be sitting for the speeches.

And then we just sit in empty tables that don't even have fucking place settings on them. I honestly think you should – the cocktail hour is now ending. Please take your seats. We're doing the speeches. And you have your cocktails. You're drinking during the speech. Speech, speech, speech. Party. I don't mind the dinner, but I do like the fucking... I like the...

I like access to food. So, like, the ones that have food trucks around. Right. It was like parties at the tent. What you need to do is dress up the buffet. Don't call it a buffet. Call it, this is our food truck selection or whatever. I'm also down with the buffet.

I'm fine with the buffet. I am, too. But, you know, there are people who are just like, oh, it wasn't a seated dinner or whatever the fuck it's like yeah suck my dick because I also

sometimes like the I remember at my wedding they all they all and my wedding was so over the top but they had

they all come out and like put your plate down at the same time so it was like this presentation yeah yeah and there was

there was servers left and right and shit and it was like so even yeah and there was there was um servers left and right and shit and it was like so even if you wanted to kind of party and dance and keep it going like you couldn't it was like please see it because we have to perform it's like fucking beauty and the beast you know whereas like i think that the it should just be a party where there also is food and in this case they said there also is not food because we want our party to be they're crazy they suck they're weirdos but it's their wedding it's their day and i guess you probably should specify though like by the way there's no fucking because by the way they also did feed mickey minnie

oh that's fucked yeah you're the ass off mickey mickey and minnie because mickey many many were like this is crazy yeah he made the fucking food i mean like you're right it is it is your party and all that shit but like i don't know it again like it's that religion thread kind of swaying like they're right it is a religion they worship at the god of a nazi i mean have you ever nazis they're nazis have you ever gone to a weird like orthodox type uh wedding it's like i mean i don't know if i have either but you could imagine it's gonna to be weirder, right? It's going to be stranger than your average wedding. These motherfuckers are, you know,

worshiping Mickey and Minnie. I'm a traditionalist in the traditional things. So like a wedding, I'd be like, I like black tie. Yeah. I'm fine with a meal. As long as there's access to food. I like the speeches, all this stuff. But if you're having it and on your invitation

is like their wedding machines available, you don't get mad at me when I'm cracking open the speeches, all this stuff. But if you're having it and on your invitation, there are vending machines available, you don't get mad at me when I'm cracking open six bags of sour patch kids in the middle of the fucking speeches. No, but they didn't, right? There was no backlit. The ruffling. I got a fucking – I'm walking around asking people for ones, eating weird things for a couple of kettles of cash,

and then I'm spending my time at the vending machines coming back like a kid at camp. Alright, go out with the speeches. Ripping bags of chips open. They're too busy sucking Minnie's dick and shit. Mickey's dick. They're not even noticing that you're eating the snacks.

Meek Mouse? What's that? Meek Mouse? What is that from? Meek Mouse? Okay. You don't Meek Mouse what is that from Meek Mouse okay you don't Meek Mouse but so wait they are

so where do you fall on this whole thing they're 1000% incredibly assholes because of because of not having food though yes so you think

forget about Mickey and Minnie if you serve it's pretty hard if you had a wedding forget about the grown adults who paid $3,000 if I had a wedding if you get on the grown adults who paid three thousand dollars if i had a wedding and i for cartoon characters to come if i had a wedding and i said there's no food but i i put it all towards the band um like that's what they did they put

it towards entertainment now it's entertainment for them yeah but it's also again their fucking wedding yeah no you know i know it's it's, because I'd be like, there's no food in a band that's moderately better, I guess. Yeah, I think it's unorthodox and shit. You probably have to specify it. But I guess this is almost kind of like what we were just talking about with Live, America versus Saudi Arabia. All weddings are completely ridiculous, arrogant, self-centered displays of like, you know, what, me, me, me, me, me. Yeah. And this is just way weird and

over the top version of it but it's like ah and then not the i guess it's like you know there's basics that you have to cover though that's the thing you know if it was like food yeah but i mean you don't there are there are you know depending on what time your weddings are and shit sometimes i've never heard of you don't have a sit-down dinner if you have a daytime thing again sit-down dinners are different but i've never heard wedding without food without food. You don't have a sit-down dinner. If you have a daytime thing, you can have a late-night thing. Again, sit-down dinners are different, but I've never heard of a wedding without food. Yeah. I think we should move more towards that. Not a dinner.

It should be cocktail hour and then the party. I like to eat. Because cocktail hours have become dinner. Yeah. I eat a cocktail hour way more than a sit-down dinner. When I get food at the wedding, I'm like, first, it's never that good. I take a couple bites of steak. I'm done.

The cocktail hour, I'm like, three slaughters that good. I take a couple bites of steak. I'm done. The cocktail hour, I'm like, three slaughters, two hot dogs, a couple things of sushi, a little bit of that pasta, a little bit of that soup. I do it all. I eat the full meal when I sit down. Through tonsillitis and all. I think you need

booze and music is far and away the things that matter the most, though. And then, of course, Mickey and Minnie. All right, voicemail time. Before we get into Michael Che, today's voicemails are brought to you by 3Chi. Forget about the dispensary. Forget about the prescription. Forget about your Connect, your delivery service.

Well, your delivery service on this one is just the mail because you can get 3g delivered right to your door and what is 3g it's a delta 8 extract of marijuana of thc so it's all the good stuff for marijuana meaning you get the great body feel and the buzz but you don't get the cloudy vision and the anxiety and the paranoia uh it's a federally legalized version version of thc called delta 8 they also have like thc other variations of it other deltas uh it is a whole host of um chemical extracts now that you can get in a whole host of different ways you can get vape pens you can get gummies you can get um pastry edibles you can get oils so you can make your pastry edibles you can get oils so you can make your own edibles you can get tasteless drink mixes uh anyway you can get this in your body 3chi has you covered

um right now when you go to 3chi.com that's the number three c-h-i.com and use promo code stool five s-t-o-o-l five you get five percent off plus a free sticker uh you gotta be 21 or older to purchase and i mean this is whether you're young and looking to like party and feel good whether you're old and you're dealing with some anxiety and chronic pain and restlessness this this is good for everybody how about all of it uh and it's you know people can i know people who take it every day i know people who take it uh you know when they really want to get loose whether you're flying sleeping relaxing whatever it may be 3g delta 8 go to 3g.com promo code stool 5 voicemails let's get it what's up boys so i got a little question slash story for you um so i work 48 hour shifts um after business hours so like five o'clock or so uh the night's yours you can do

whatever you want so we bought an oculus for the station uh we downloaded a boxing game and you're literally just punching the fucking air and when i say i am the most fucking sore i've ever been in my life i can i can barely move and then in the same fucking day, we got a call and I'm going down the stairs and I very, very minorly rolled my ankle. Like, very minor. I have been limping for four fucking days

now. So it got me thinking, like, am I really just getting that fucking old? So my question to you guys is, what is the first physical thing that happened to you in your life where you're like, holy shit, I'm getting fucking old? All right, boys. Shout out to the first responders. We'll see you at the fucking scratch.

Really? Really? Really the guys we want on the front lines? If you've ever got a physical emergency. Can you call the guy who gets tired playing Oculus and has a bum ankle for four weeks? I'm dying in his fire. Heroes. Heroes, Sean.

He's the man. No, I like this guy. Great eyes on you. Jesus Christ. You interrupted me. Beautiful. I was losing. He's the man.

He's got great eyes. Beautiful eyes. Great questions for me. This is why I deserve fucking medals for never signing up to be a first responder because I'm probably not getting there, bro. I'm probably going to be tired. I know my game. I am no hero, bro.

Sorry, I'm a little tuckered out from the video games. I'd rather you be honest. I'd rather be upfront about know i'd rather be up front about it this is a it's a good question this is something that you know for most people probably starts at a later age i'm thinking back i'm like when i was 16 i felt like you know what i mean um i would say there's many signs for me when i first got you know old and uh tired and injured and all that shit um the combine was a stark realization of like oh whoa like they're if you don't use it you lose it big time uh because at that point i was like 25 or 6 but my all my surgeries were when i was 18 not all of them but like the big

ones were like 18 and 20 so i had like five five years of like, not really being active. It was like, yeah, that's enough. Cause you know, when you're 25, like, all right, I'm banged up, but like, I can still do these things. No, nope, nope, nope. I can't. But the one for me was, uh, the first time I think maybe this, maybe it's not old, but I guess it was just a jarring moment. The first time I went bowling and the next day was like. Was that with me? Oh, my God. Because that happened to me.

Well, that was not the first time. That was my first time. But, yeah, I mean, your forearms and, like, your obliques kind of hurt. I didn't even get to the next day. I guess, like, the sixth round. Yeah. Jesus. Gun. Gas.

As long as it's a do this for. Gas. I mean, because if you think about it, you're picking up. I don't even know how much the bowling ball weigh, like 20 pounds or some shit like that. And you're walking up. I don't think they weigh 20 pounds. Not even?

Lesser? Oh, God. Eight to 12. Oh, God, really? Yeah. And you're like, I don't know, you're just lugging it twice. You do it 20 times a game, right? 10 rounds, two rolls each.

And then you play a few frames. It's like, like yeah this is like a fucking workout oh i've never played more than one and you're and you're doing it you play multiple games yeah no not this guy no and i mean some of my friends get up there and they're doing the spin and shit i mean i just kind of fucking roll it straight but you're leaning in a way and using all these muscles you don't use and i mean i mean, I remember being like, oh, my God, I have to amputate my arms. I can't ever do anything again. So that's a big one for sure because that's one of those, like,

you think you can bowl? Like, yeah, no problem. It's like, no. But any of that stuff. You go to the batting cages for the first time in a million years. You go to the golf, the driving range. But all that stuff is, I find that stuff to be more, the sports stuff to me, my shit is just like. Every day stuff?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you should be tired when you're doing like activity, right? It's not, but like, it's not even like I can't, it's weird. It's almost like a, like a, like a little taste, like a little sample of being old. Because you're like, your brain is like, I can do this. Yes. I can, I get that very much. Because you're scary.

Dude, like playing hockey, where I'm like, because I, like I can still skate,. I get that as very much. That's just scary. I do like playing hockey. I'm like, because I can still skate, but it's my hands that are gone the most. I'm like, I can do it. I used to be able to. I know how to fucking do this, and I just can't do it. And that's the saddest part. That's the harder one to deal with. That's almost more mental, where it is physical, but it's more the depression of like, it's gone.

Yeah. And you're not getting it back. It's not soreness. It's like, right now, why isn't this happening? Yeah, my brain used to tell my hands, and my hands did it fast enough, and now it doesn't do it. I remember the first time, you know, you wake up in bed, and you have, like, your neck is, you know, that hurts.

But that's like when you sleep wrong. I remember sleeping completely right and being, like, sore. Like, oh, wait. Especially with the weighted blankets. You get under a weighted blanket wrong and your legs, yeah, you push the legs back or your knee kind of hyperextends. And you're like, you know, it's tough to get out of bed. And then there's times where it's like, I can't get out of bed. That's a bad one too.

It's like, I'm too old and out of shape to lay down for a while, to sleep. Fuck. And, you know, I hate to say it, but, you know, when you start to get out of breath when you're fucking, that's tough.

That was pretty early days for me. But, like, there's out of breath, and then there's, like... Once you get on top. Yeah. Girls don't know that struggle, man. Girls don't have to do any of the work oh no girls i think have a harder struggle bro bro bro why don't you why don't you get froggy right now and fucking work those hips yeah but but like you don't have to you know what i mean like girls you can do all that. But if you want to just lay on your back, flip over your stomach, get on your knees,

that's a session. You're good to go. Yeah. You know what I mean? Also, I just want to lay on my back. But that's what I mean. It's not. Like, you're going to, guys are going to have to do some missionary and some doggy style

every time. Not in this house. Yeah. I mean, when you see a chick, but chicks also then usually pay it back when they just have to be on their knees on the floor. Like barbarians. I think that they have different style knees than men. They must.

There's padding, right? Or there's no nerves or something. It doesn't make sense. It's like the skin on our ball sacks is on their knees. They just can't feel anything because they're just straight up and down. They're not even doing the thing where you rest on your our ball sacks is on their knees. They just can't feel anything. They're not even doing the thing where you rest on your butt. They're up on their knees and they're rocking and they're doing it for

minutes at a time. If I get down on my knee right now and tie a shoe, it's like, my bones. I don't have the stamina to last from communion until I'm allowed to sit back down. Oh, I don't do that anymore.

I don't do it. I don't even play it. Don't even do that game. Sorry, I'm boycotting it because of Mickey and Minnie Mouse. But if I do, at the most, I'll do the sit on the pew with the knees. Sometimes I just sit. This is preposterous. I'm done with this.

I'm done with getting on my knees for you rapists. Depends how full of that. that's why I don't go also Mickey and Minnie but the it depends how full of masses Christmas mass well I don't have

40 minutes on my knees no that's not happening I'm not going to do a blow bang on my knees this is crazy but the it's just

it's just hard to be on your knees i forget where it just is you know what's a tough thing to to do like to deal with some sex too is when you're like when you're in the heat of the moment in a certain position or doing something and you're okay and then you finish and you're like oh like the pain comes back to you and you're like wait a minute that's been bent in the wrong direction for you know a solid seven minutes or whatever i'm fucking i'm not walking for another week but yeah but uh there's difference between like i got tired during sex and like oh like the other day i was having sex and i started coughing like a like like wheezing and i've been sick or whatever but like you're coughing in the middle of sex dude that's not good like you think i'm smoking recently feel

like the you know like the tickle in your throat that makes you cough you know what i mean yeah that's usually one of those things that just like i don't know your body just like i'm just politely saying yeah through all this because i you know like the urge to cough oh yeah yeah i think you're talking okay yeah so like when that's just always been something, I don't know, like your body just knows to like turn that off during sex or whatever, you know? Yeah, I can't say I've ever been coughing. Have you seen this during sex? Not that I'm aware of.

I mean, it must have happened. I've been fucking so many times. It's just a numbers game, dude. I would imagine it would have happened at some point, but I have no clear memory of it. It's almost like your body's in sex mode, but I'm like, you know, going to work, and all of a sudden it's just like, I was like, oh, fuck, it's there. And I tried to

kind of suppress it, and I was just like, which was probably even worse. Dude, that was what I did. You probably thought I was coming because I was like, I was like, but then I just was like I just stopped and I was like

how hot is this huh dead silence huh I was gonna say that's what I did during the Howie Mandela interview same kind of thing is it really

at all close to that you son of a bitch anyway thanks to something nice and bald. But yeah, those would be the big ones for me. You know what genuinely worries me?

Not worries me, just a sad reality is like playing sports with Keegan when he's really playing sports. By then, I'll be shocked, dude. By then, I'll be shocked, dude. By then I'm in my 50s, you know? Like, nah, 45, whatever.

But, and it's not like my dad was some like, you know, athletic superhero. But like, I remember him, you know, picking us up, throwing us around, playing sports, wrestling, all that shit. You know, I've always said, I'm like, yeah, go do what your stepdad. Like, I gotta sit here. I'll teach you how to tell jokes on the internet bro come to me

when you need to you know come to me when you need the that engagement on your fucking instagram account otherwise talk to him they fuck you up your mom and dad well done good call man uh next voicemail what's up kfc fights jackie nick paths gamecocks go cocks um this is fits over at la fitness and atlanta georgia Georgia. I actually called you all a few months ago for a video voicemail, offered you all some free memberships. Yep. So my boss heard that one, and then he heard the gay jokes about LA Fitness on the podcast that came out today. Yeah, so I'm getting let go. He thinks it's kind of my fault for like bad publicity but fuck it whatever um yeah i was gonna see y'all looking for a new hire up there at kfc

radio love to be y'all's assistant um but yeah gang gang love everything y'all do hopefully i hear from y'all but yeah y'all have a great one. That's fucked up. You did not make that joke. Because that guy called in a couple weeks ago. That's a joke. That's a joke because gay guys go to LA Fitness. So gay guys go to LA Fitness to get their dicks sucked. Yeah, gay guys go to the gym to suck each other's dicks.

And it's a testament to LA Fitness. It's so popular of a gym that it was out front of John's mind. Yeah, it is. Fuck that. Fuck that. This is unconstitutional. That's genuine bullshit. That is actually, I think, probably flat out illegal. Yeah. I can't imagine a world...

I had heard of LA fucking fitness before this guy called in the first time. So what would they say? They would be like, you were offering free memberships, which we didn't take them up on, by the way, so it's not like that was even a real thing, to people who then quote-unquote slandered the name. That's not reason for firing people.

Maybe jokes are on podcasts. This guy obviously likes the podcast. Where the fuck else do these people think? He heard the joke and then was listening to today's latest episode. Well, guess what, brother? Now I'm telling a joke about LA Fitness every day. Yeah, fuck you. Every day about how you wipe down the loads in the steam room.

Steamy loads, huh? Yeah. Steamy loads. The guys go into the fucking sauna and Rudy watches them jerk off. And then they come on the walls in the LA Fitness. That's the new slogan is L.A. Fitness, steamy loads. Get your steamy loads here. Listen, brother, I'll tell you what.

If you don't rehire our boy Fitz, you are in a world of pain, L.A. Fitness. You do not know the world you are entering. Were you going to go to New York Sports Club the fuck? Our boys are hotter. Come to L.A. Fitness for a hot load. I swear to God, if you go to the LA Fitness in Atlanta, Georgia, I want you to march in there and fucking quit. And when they say, like, what's your reason?

Be like, because you are fucking tyrannical assholes who fire your employees based off of podcast jokes. Yeah. Fuck you. We've never met the gentleman. I've heard of LA Fitness. I've heard of people having sex in gym locker rooms. That's how I made the joke.

That's it, dude. That was it. That was the whole thing. Do you know what we're going to do? If you're a homosexual in Atlanta, Georgia, please reach out to us. We're going to get you a membership to LA Fitness. And please just don't stop fucking in the bathroom. Come everywhere.

If you're a straight guy, look at a fucking dude. You can be a straight guy, just jerk off. As long as there's hot loads. Make a mess in the bathroom. Give us just a lot of the next vlog idea for us. I think LA Fitness down in Atlanta, Georgia might be homophobic.

How about that fucking narrative? You fired your employee after someone talked about homosexuals at your gym? Interesting. I had heard a rumor that there was a Chick-fil-A attached to it, so that makes sense. I'm not even kidding. LA Fitness, Mr. Manager,

you have one week to rehire this guy or you are in a world of pain. We're going to paint those walls with a cum as young men. You're going to have a line out the door of young men straight, single, homosexual, married, otherwise

just cumming all over your gym. I'll take it even further, not even in the locker room. Just cum on the machines, cum on the weights come on the ceilings come everywhere you ever seen that Star Wars

not Star Wars I didn't say Star Wars you ever seen that South Park meme I don't know the characters but the guy in the room covered in cotton yeah Randy Marsh

covered in cotton that's gonna be your LA Fitness welcome to the welcome to the fucking locker room at LA Fitness yeah man unbelievable I would actually

you know I hope this guy goes somewhere else. Go somewhere an amazing place like, I don't know, New York, well not necessarily New York, right? Atlanta Sports Club. And go to fucking Equinox and go to

a place with the Lunk Alert. Planet Fitness. Go to all these places. Those are sparkling no cum anywhere those are good gyms yeah great gyms

fuck you fuck that guy that is that is bullshit I hope this guy is like alright and can just like you know go get another job

somewhere else and lands on his feet it's not that big of a deal I hope that if you're calling into a podcast joking about it it's not so bad but that is

honestly unconstitutional I've read it subscribe to the podcast, KFC Radio on YouTube. Bang. Last voicemail is brought to you by eBay. eBay's trying to change the game once again when it comes to buying

and selling sneakers online. eBay was the OG spot to get your sneakers. Before other apps came along, I used to love searching eBay for old Jordans, jordans uh rare sneakers you know you had to like do your diligence and find the right sellers with the authenticated you know 100 authentic guarantee you could find great prices you could find uh really like hard

to find shoes and sometimes you do buy it now other times you're doing the the auction where it's like you know there's there's that adrenaline rush at the end of the auction uh and so right now uh they are are pushing the envelope once again they got rare dead stock sneakers up to the latest releases pre-owned kicks that have been uh you know let's say carefully loved in the past and they all have ebay's authenticity guarantee so you can rest easy knowing that everything else is 100 legit millions of sellers across the globe i can't i i really it's honestly so much more fun if you're a sneaker fan and you're you're you're uh looking for either new releases or in my opinion even better is the old

older drops uh rare sneakers hard to find customs all of that uh find them on ebay it is uh a much more thorough like sneaker experience uh when you're when you're buying through ebay so uh check it out ebay sneakers authenticity guaranteed i have uh i bought a second pair of crocs i saw that that. The Wu-Tang. Yeah. Crocs rule everything around me, baby. They are. Yeah. Wu-Tang did a collab with the Crocs. So there was some funny tweets about like just Wu-Tang lyrics and, you know, like Wu-Tang

clan ain't done the Crocs with and a lot of funny shit. So I now have two pairs, and this is a slippery slope, John. I want to see... I really want to do a Barstool Crocs collab or a KFC Radio Crocs collab, and I know that they're just like this monster company that's like, but if Wu-Tang can do it,

Barstool can do it. Sure. Like Wu-Tang... When they were Barstool can do it. Sure. Like Wu-Tang, when they were like, we're working with Balenciaga, we're not working with you. I'm like, alright, they're going with major fashion companies. If you're doing smaller, Wu-Tang is obviously very popular, but it's like, Barstool's pretty fucking

big too, man. I agree with that. Let me make some of these fucking Crocs. Let me get these Crocs off, dude. Come on. I've still never worn them. I never wanted to try one day go uh we got last voicemail let's do it shout out to the rangers you see fights love the show uh you guys talk about like the time warp sometimes you get stuck in at barstool like you know you're just creating content for a ton of different days and i was wondering if like you ever had a moment where that caught up to you in the real world and you missed an appointment, didn't pick the kids up, whatever it was.

Has that ever happened to you? You just get stuck in the time warp? I feel like that's happened to me, but it's your show. You guys can talk. I love you. Bye. Stuck in the time warp. Have I ever been stuck in a time warp?

I mean, yeah. We do it all the time here at Barstool. You go in the studio and you come out and it's like, what day is it? Yeah. There's one in Portland, Rhode Island. There is one. A time warp? It's like a black hole kind of deal. It shoots you just out.

It's great. Is it a bar? No. It's a place. It's like, I don't even know how to get to the street. Like the Brunner Triangle? Yeah, like you're driving and it's just like,'t even know how to get to the street like the Brutal Triangle yeah like you're driving and it's just like

you're in Newport what do you mean? I don't know what I mean it's just like it's happened to me twice it's called drunk driving it's like between East Main and West Main Road and you're on this road and it's just like

it's just you're on this road and it's just like it's just you're right there okay i i can't explain any clearer than that yeah i get it i get it man it is clearly some highway highway hypnosis or something but it is like do you believe in uh it happened to us once and then the second time it happened we were like we would shit happen again holy fucking shit it was time it happened, we were like, holy fucking shit. It was real. It happened again. Were you just talking and having a good time and didn't realize how much time had passed? It's probably something like that.

I'm sure. Look, I don't actually think it's a black hole. Well, you never know. Do you believe in the Bermuda Triangle? No. There's some weird shit that went on there. I don't know enough. I don't know Amelia Earhart.

I don't know if that's where she crashed, but I feel like she disappeared. Is it? I think that there's probably something like it's weather. Like there's a high pressure system there. And so there's a lot of bad weather for boats and planes and shit like that. I don't think they disappear into another dimension. But I do think there's something a little funky with that territory. But I like to believe.

I like to believe in that. It's also like, why would you motherfuckers keep flying through there? Yeah, go around it. Fly around that shit, dude. Maybe the boat we keep crashing into. It sucks. All right, go the other way. Yeah, like, all right.

Well, give me, give me. It's quite large. Yeah. I mean, yeah, let's see. The Bermuda Triangle was solved. What does the scientist say? Oh, it isn't solved. I guess there was a mix-up where somebody thought it was solved.

What a stupid article that is. Hey, you know that interesting thing you wanted? Not true. But other time, you know what? There's a time warp in the opposite direction when you are watching your kids, when they are watching your kids when they are babies and they are in between nap times and feeding times and shit like that and you're like when you when you have kid like baby babies you live one feeding at a time like every hour

and 15 minutes or whatever the fuck it is and because that's when they are quiet and happy and you stuff the bottle in but can't do it any earlier and so you're like all right it had to have been like 45 minutes and it's been like six you're like no fucking way like i just got to make it to bedtime i just got to get to like 7 p.m what time is it it's 1 30 holy fucking shit so that's like a reverse time warp um but yeah it's either i think either when you're having fun or doing something total opposite it is it's also it's either I think either when you're having fun or doing something total opposite it's kind of like one of the

we had this argument or discussion in the car on the way up to Vermont I think and it was with fucking this idiot too where it was like how do we know we're not living in like a simulation and like these arguments or these questions where you put like the burden of proof on me where you how can you prove that time warps don't

because he's asking about real time warps right i don't know what he's talking about is he asking i think i think it's like when you're you know like like we said we do a podcast we come out and it's like holy shit it's six o'clock okay so that's not a real time you know that that's like in your head that's what it's like time flies when you're having fun is what he's talking about yeah or like i said the opposite where it's like, you're at work, and you're trying to make it to 5 o'clock, and you swear that time is ticking slower, you know? Yeah, in that case, the only thing I do is podcast. Yeah. Aside from that, goes pretty slow watching TV.

All right, interview time. Michael Che. Got to be one of the biggest we've had in a long time. I was watching Rosebud on... That's my time. With Letterman, yeah. With Letterman last night. Also Sam Rill on that.

Sam Rill. Watch Sam as well. They both crushed it. But Letterman said to Rosebud, you work on... She works on That Day Michael Che and on SNL. Right. And he says, you work with one of the legends, Michael Che.

David Letterman's calling you a legend. Letterman's calling you one of the legends. This is one of the ones I'm getting nervous for. Rosebud was like, wait, wait. Because we thought Rosebud had put in a word and been like, oh, yeah, they're great. She's like, I didn't say shit. And I feel like this has been like they've been trying to make it happen. Yeah.

Like sometimes these things fall out of the clouds and a really good guest, you know. We haven't done it yet. We're doing it at 6 p.m. on Wednesday night. It could have bombed. You probably know. But sometimes they fall out of the clouds and some publicist is like, yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll love it. And we know that the star doesn't really know anything.

And it's a one-shot thing that if they probably had five more minutes to think about it they would have said no but we caught them on a good moment and they said yes this I feel like they've been kind of talking about it and they were like planning okay late on this day works for you no how about this day so it's like okay he actually wants to do it and I'm trying to think of other shows he's been on

none I'm almost like why I want to be like Mike you don't have to do this but his only post on instagram is they want me to do press for damn michael che season two and i don't want to so so the michael che interview that i'm sure went great is brought to you by hello fresh johnny tell the people tonight well actually not you what I had for breakfast this morning? Honey Dijon crispy onion chicken with some green beans.

I don't like breakfast food, so I ate dinner for lunch. Was that a leftover or fresh? Yeah, it was two meals with everything fresh. So I had that for dinner last night, had it for breakfast this morning. When I get home, I'm going to cook a spicy sauce pork bowl, I believe is what it is. And then I also have some onion burgers for the weekend.

It is, without a doubt, the best part of my day. When I come home, I put my phone down for a half hour. I cook. It's delicious. I was talking to my mom on the phone the other day while I was cooking. Do this. Cook your dinner and call your mom because she's all impressed. She's like, I just love the sounds of the kitchen in the background.

Rattle those pots and pans, baby. Do it for your girl for your family whoever yeah a couple of uh alarms going on listen you bring you bring a girl over and you hello fresh it and even though it's it's idiot proof with all the measurements and everything you still look like you're fucking yeah you know you know what you're doing in the kitchen it is it is impressive to women who either had you or want you. Oh, I like that. And a lot of people will be like, well, it's the summertime. I'm not going to be home the whole time. I'm going away. Guess what?

You can update your profile with your vacation address and get it sent there. So now you don't have any excuse. So you can go down to the beach, take a week off, get all these healthy, fresh foods sent your way. You can eat all sorts of different delicacies, all sorts of different menus, different sizes, whether it's two people, four people, they've got all sorts of different selections. And it's all, like I said, idiot proof where all the ingredients are measured out and everything is pre-portioned with the easy to follow recipes. Everything takes 20 to 30 minutes. That's it. They have fresh fruits and veggies and nuts and olive oils and Mediterranean recipes. And you could pick based on allergies and diet preferences.

They've got you covered. You save money with now delivery. You're not getting, you know, gross, greasy food and you feel like you're actually a real human. Right now, you can get 16 free meals and three gifts when you go to hellofresh.com slash kfc16 that's hellofresh.com slash kfc16 then when you check out you use code kfc16 and you get 16 free meals so if you're an individual that's like 32 free meals because you get two per one so you can get the breakfast and the dinner or the leftovers or the lunch

however you want to work it. 32 free meals if you're all by yourself. When you go to HelloFresh.com slash KFC16, promo code KFC16. It's Michael Che on KFC Radio. Let's talk to him. How we doing? Wow. Yeah?

Was that a genuine wow or just one of those like, eh? No, man. This is all blur. Yeah? What's going on? Mark Wahlberg walked in here and said it fucking was disgusting so that's better that's better than walbert was not impressed this is like the nicest that it's ever gotten for us so we're like wow we made it he was like this place fucking sucks it was like did he really pretty much pretty much yeah but he's like that's why i like you yeah i don't think so man it's like uh yeah it's not very nice i think it's cool this is great i've never been to college but now i feel like

yeah we get that quite a bit uh i'm surprised you uh you even came through man i feel like you don't do this kind of stuff very often we were uh honored that you even made the cut. Are you kidding me? No, they were like, this is kind of one of the ones you got to do. Really? Yeah, this is where you're at now, bro. Honestly, it was a big deal for me. Mark Wahlberg was negging you.

He didn't want you to know how special you were. I'm happy to hear that, though, man, because we're both fans of the show. We just started off season 2 both seasons were so fucking funny season 2 in particular made me realize that you and I we're kind of like the same level

of toxicity which I like I like hanging out I wasn't expecting that let me tell you something bro I know how toxic he is not a good sign for you, brother. Same level of toxicity. We were born in the same sludge, bro.

Probably, yeah. I think, man, that's the best takeaway you could possibly have is you see the toxicity in yourself. Yeah, I love that. That's the best endorsement. You are. I find that very interesting in the show. First of all, I think it's a very cool way to do sketch comedy

where it's kind of all interwoven and stuff like that with the cuts back. But second of all, I think you get very introspective with it, particularly of yourself. Was it the intervention episode

when you had the girlfriends around? I think that was the same episode where you call your mom and you ask if she'll ever be happy. I was like, I've made this phone call. John does that phone call regularly walking home from work. You want to hear fucking, you want to've made this phone call john john does that phone call regularly walking over

work you want to hear fucking you have a mom phone call dude my mom sent me an email last night this is this is some this is i don't know what kind of shit this is she sent me an email it was just the subject was poetry right and then it goes right into no like hello no nothing a poem it goes right to a poem called this Be The Verse by Philip Larkin. This be the verse? Spitting bars, okay? Imagine this. Get ready for this.

Just think about your mother. This be the verse. Think about your mother sending you this poem. It says, they fuck you up, your mom and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had and add some extra just for you. but they were fucked up in their turn by fools and old style hats and coats who half the time were sloppy stern and half at one another's throats man hands on misery to man it deepens like a coastal shelf get out as early as you can and don't have any kids yourself get out and then

my mom and then she wrote a note says i'm taking a literature class this summer, and this is the initial reading. More to come, XO, and sorry for everything. Sorry for everything. I want to make it clear that I did not make any of that up. There's the fucking email. Sorry for everything. What are you going to show me now? What the fuck, man?

Listen, we may be equally toxic. No, this is, and we may be equally toxic for the same reason. My birthday was May 19th. Happy belated. Oh, that doesn't count. My mom sent me a birthday message, as you can see. Oh, boy. Birthday message.

Kind of telling me how everybody wanted her to get rid of me. It's kind of crazy. I've never said this out loud. Look, you opened up. We're opening up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Happy birthday, baby. I wanted to text you early this morning.

I think it was after 2 a.m., but I decided to wait. Sorry I'm late. I hope you have the greatest birthday that you could have. You deserve that, blah, blah, blah. I often think about how your brothers and sisters, when they heard I was pregnant with you, they were so angry with me because they didn't know where I was going to put you. It was the first time that I ever let them

yell at me and talk to me in the way they did because I knew in my heart I was going to have you no matter what anybody felt. What? What do you mean? These are my brothers and sisters. They were trying to get me. They were trying to fucking ice me.

The people on my job called you the love child and still do to this day. Yo. Now when I hear your siblings rant and rave over you, the first thing I say to them is, and you're welcome. So now she's taking credit for it. Good God. You're welcome for ignoring your she's taking credit for it. Credit for you. Good God. You're welcome for ignoring your pleas. This is comparable.

Yes. You're revealing to me. I feel left out. I'm like, I don't know. I got an Irish Catholic mom. We don't talk about our feelings at all. She just says happy birthday, and I say thank you, and that's it. I feel left out, man.

We're fucked. It could be worse. She can tell you exactly how she feels. Yeah, for real. You got like a shit ton of brothers and sisters, right? I got – One of like seven or something? Well, not a shit ton to an Irish Catholic, but I got six.

I got six. I'm the youngest of seven. Youngest of seven. Yeah, what do you got? You can't have a small family. No, I got a brother and sister. That's it. Really?

And then I don't have like – You guys must have had TV. Usually like 60 cousins and all. I'm tight. My family is small. What town? I was born in City Island in the Bronx. Oh, really?

You're a New York kid. Yeah. You're New York too? No, I'm Boston. Or I'm from Massachusetts. That explains the mustache. It explains the pink face more, I think. I love performing in Boston, but I do not like hanging in Boston.

I was going to say, is that one of the stereotypes that lives up to the... For sure, man. I don't know. I got this comedian, Jared Freed. He's a real good friend of mine. I remember one time we did a gig in Boston, and we went to a bar that we were invited to. It was like a club that we were invited to.

And the door guy was like, looked looked at me looked at what i was wearing so i'm sorry you can't get in with new jordans i was like new jordan yeah no you get him some beaters he couldn't say sneakers because everybody was wearing sneakers but he was like you can't get in with new jordan that's that's one thing i'm certain no white guy in here are those cool gray jordan 11s clean so the one shoe you can't wear tonight. Are those fresh, nice sneakers? I was like, you've been out of it. You've been a new nigger ruler. You just thought of it on the spot.

Bro, that is insane. I'll never forget that. Not that I was like, ugh. What year was that? This must have been... Doesn't matter. It's too late in history. Was it 1963 or something?

Because otherwise, it's fucking too late, man. I know I was being bussed to a school there. I think it was 61. Jesus Christ. That's dark, bro. I remember last time, I said that Boston was a racist town.

Go figure. Who would have thought? They didn't know. They weren't aware. Really? Yeah, I got picked up in media and shit. I remember that being a big one. You remember that. It was like a story.

You get some waves out there. Yeah. No, that happens all the time. And then like a year later, the Boston Globe put out like, I think it was Spotlight actually, the same people who did the child rape. Spotlight put out a full expose like, here's exactly how Boston's very racist. It's like a well-research a well researched it happens all the time too there's athletes who are like you know they shouted

this slur at me and everyone else in Boston goes like no that would never happen no a bunch of drunk white Irish guys from Boston mad at you or the opposing team didn't say it it's not possible Adam Jones no way he made that shit up Russell shit in his own bed

yeah I'm sure he's just such a prankster He made that shit up. You don't know Russell's shit in his own bed. Yeah. I'm sure. I'm sure he's just such a prankster. He's going to confess it. Gotcha. He's going to confess it at any moment now. No, I love it. It's also funny, too, because this is like, Boston kids are like,

prejudice us? We like the most. And you're like, yeah, but if I wear a Yankee hat, you'll curb stop me. That's different. That's not racist. That's rivalry. That's fair. That's fair.

You were a Manhattan kid? I know you're in New York, but in Manhattan? Lower East Side, Manhattan, my whole family. Then we moved to Jersey City for a while and I moved back and forth between my mom and my dad for school and all of that shit. I mean, you never had a shot to be normal.

City kids, man. City kids are fucked. I don't know how to drive a car. That's what I mean. The littlest things. I'm from the Bronx, but not really. We call it the Bronx. It's fake. It's pretty much part of Westchester. It's a little island. It's a lot of fishermen and all that shit. But it's fake it's it's it's pretty much part of westchester it's a little island it's a lot of fishermen and it's not of course yeah you know right but it's but it's not it's not you know like in in the the city really when you when you grow up in manhattan you're like four years old

riding the subway you don't you know your your backyard is you know a little patch of grass maybe you go to central park if you're lucky you don't ride a bike you don't you you don't want to drive a car it's just normal it's just things that other people go through that you don't and vice versa. It's just fucking. You're smoking cigs by the time you're like eight. That's got something to do with it? No, yeah. The city grows you up pretty quickly.

But if I ever have kids, I definitely want them to grow up in the city. Really? I just love it. I just feel like city kids kind of have a leg up. Well, that's the... Socially, especially, because you have to deal

with everybody. Yes. You're never... You almost never... It's impossible to be sheltered. Right. If you live here and you're exposed to it all.

You could be a millionaire and you still have to ride a subway like, I'm going to just dick out. It's the great... The subway is the great equalizer. It's the great equalizer. Because you can sit in your car and it'll take you an hour and a half to get across town

Or you're going to hop on that subway Because you've got somewhere to be And you're going to see someone take a shit You're going to see someone jerk off You're going to see a crazy person I saw a guy today No joke, corner of a building He had pants full down

Spreading his ass And I guess he was wiping it. I don't know what he was doing. He was just going up and down on the building. Like this is on 7th and 34th or something like that. Like right in the thick of it. Not something like back out. When you grow up seeing that.

In front of a $30 million building. Right. On a $30 million building. A-Rod walks out and is like, good evening. I mean, but it is, you're probably a little bit crazy, but you also are. You're street smart. You're cool. You're not fazed by anything.

Yeah, I do think you kind of just also, you become a lot more accepting and tolerant, I'd say, in an odd kind of way, because you realize you share your space no matter what space you have, and it helps you appreciate things I when I first moved here I like didn't really get city kids and there was one time where I was like I was like 27 I guess I lived here for a little bit 21 but it's 27 and I was I like followed a four-year-old home for a while I wasn't Please clarify what that was. I wasn't following him home, but I was just like, is this kid?

Lead with I wasn't following him home. But here's the deal. Here's the deal. I was following him home. I wasn't trying to, but I was like, is this little kid lost? Oh, yeah.

I was like, where is his... And I'll be honest, I didn't follow him all the way home. I was like, he seems like he knows where he's going. I'm going to abort this mission before it gets a little too weird. And I'll be honest. I didn't follow him all the way home. I was like, he seems like he knows where he's going. I'm going to abort this mission before it gets a little too weird.

But you just saw a four-year-old just walking. No, he had a backpack on that was bigger than him. And I was like, if he's just kind of strutting up with Lexington Ave. And I was like, there's no way his kid should be doing that. You sure it wasn't like a man with a condition? I'm all positive. It was like a kid's backpack. Okay. Had the bowl cut.

And he was on a phone. He was walking with more confidence than I walk on a phone. Dude, I always say, you're walking around Manhattan. You walk around Manhattan. Okay. That's not what I'm going to say, bro. It was protective. It was protective.

Oh, yeah. We'll leave that out of the brochure. Whatever. You walk around Manhattan, man, when school gets out. And it's, you know, those kids are scary yeah it's wild no one's trying to fuck with them man it's wild uh but i feel like that's also got to be great for comedy too though coming up like i mean it's well it was it's the perfect place to do comedy because there's just so many places to do comedy you know like even like boston or chicago LA, which are also amazing places to start

in comedy, they don't have access to what New York has access to. We were getting up four or five or six times a day because there were so many bar shows and it's so accessible. You can go from Brooklyn to Queens to Manhattan. You can bounce

around in 30, 45 minutes. You don't have to have a car. You don't have to have a ton of gas or anything. So it definitely makes you strong faster. I think that's why everybody ends up here to get good. I always feel like New York, you get good. LA, you get paid. That seems to be the case. You sell out. You instantly become

somebody you're not. Next thing you know, you're boxing Logan Paul. And it's like that. You could be in New York for like 25 years. You make it. You go out there within six months. You're like, it's too cold. And yeah, I'm hanging out with influencers.

And here's my TikTok. Yeah, I love it, man. It's quick. I don't know. New York, you just – I notice like the people that are really good here don't have like entourages. There's no cool parties really. It's like a weird – People that are really good here don't have, like, entourages. Yeah. I mean. There's no cool parties, really.

You know, it's like a weird. Whenever we have people even come in, like, you know, there's people who come in with an entourage. Yeah. Make up and publicists and that. For sure. And there are people who come in by themselves or one other person. It's like, okay. And almost exclusively, every time.

I'm not saying that people who have, like, a crew with them are bad or anything. But the people who roll solo are. How many people did Mark Wahlberg have with him? Bro, we've signed about four forms giving Mark Wahlberg permission. He came here with a camera crew, bro. I mean, the people who come in solo are almost always like, yeah, that was a cool person. They were normal down to earth. Well, I mean, would you, obviously getting obviously getting snl you were gonna be in new

york but if that didn't if that wasn't your path do you think la would have been in your cars you hell no i mean i don't know how to drive a car la i haven't been in la for more than a week like if if there was a if we were in trouble right now yeah i gave you the keys would you be like i don't know what to do i mean i know where the keys go right but would you be comfortable would you absolutely not no absolutely not especially if you're driving here it's big i'd have to like see which ones which ones break which ones go like that yeah yeah yeah would you know how to put it like in drive no well i mean i could yeah i'm not i don't know you just don't know what the pedals are i know i know i know where the pedals are but i wouldn't know which You just told me you don't know what the pedals are. I know where the pedals are, but I wouldn't know which.

It's not like they're labeled. So that's what I'm saying. I'd have to test it out to see which is which. Do you know what shape the gas is versus the brake is? No. That's crazy. No, I don't think I know that. I mean, I know one's on the right, one's on the left.

Yeah, but the gas is like a skinny rectangle. But you have muscle memory where you'll know exactly. You touch it, and you'll know what it is. For me, I won't. I won't. That's crazy. And I'd probably use both feet. You should. I don't understand why we don't. No, you should not. Why should you not? Why should you not? Because that's dangerous,

man. You're like, you don't know. But why is it dangerous? Because you're like braking and driving at the same fucking time a lot of times. If your feet, you know, it's a lot safer to keep it just like one and the other. I think that's up for debate. I'm pretty sure it's not. You physically could, probably not a good idea.

I don't really know. I wish I could break this tie, but I really have nothing to offer. I was checking out your Wikipedia, and I read... What? Yeah, I do my research, dude. I'm a real journalist, dude. What's the deal with Tommy Hilfiger offering you a job? Oh, man.

You know, I just talked to him like last. Well, it seems like I just talked to him, but it was like last summer. But yeah, he like. His son. He's young, right? His son, Rich Hilfiger. Yeah. I used to sell T-shirts on the on the corners and his son uh rich bought

some from me he was like man my dad loves art and shit he'll like he'll love this and then he like and i was like yeah whatever and then he brought his dad down and like i met his father and he was like hey you want to come to the house and i went to his house and they just got this big ass house in connecticut somewhere and it was like how old are you at this point i don't know probably 20 and I went to his house and they just got this big ass house in Connecticut somewhere. How old are you at this point? I don't know, probably like 21 or 22. And you're doing like airbrush, like art on the shirt? Yeah, I was just like drawing pictures

and printing them on t-shirts and shit. And I went to his house and it was like, it was really nice. I bet, dude. It was a really nice house. That's all I could remember was I'd never seen a nice house before. You know what I mean? I knew white people were doing well.

You guys were really holding out on me. There's also a difference between the white hillbillies in the world and people like myself. No, no, you're all billionaires. I know it. I fucking know it. This doesn't and people like myself. No, no, you're all billionaires. I know it. I fucking know it. This doesn't fool me one bit.

No. Nah, man, it was so nice. They were, they like very welcoming and he offered me a job to do something like, you know, a couple like good design pieces

at his office and then I stiffed him. It was great. You just fucking bailed on it yeah just bailed i i identify with that a lot tommy hill figure you see this beautiful house and you're like that's i don't want a taste of that that's a whole process he wasn't giving me the house probably i think i just kind of like panicked and knew i didn't really want to do this you know that kind of thing yeah yeah thing. It's like when a girl

that's way out of your league is aggressively hitting on you. You're like, this has got to be a trap. Right, right, right. It's inevitably going to crash and burn, so let's just cut out the middle man and be done with this right away. I know what I deserve. It was kind of that. Well, I mean, speaking

of that, was the thought of being a head writer of SNL ever, is this all like a surprise that you know was was the thought of of being you know a head writer of snl ever you know is this all like a surprise to you or were you one of those guys who's like i'm gonna make it i'm everything i ever got at snl i said no to at least like two and three times i love you dude like literally no warren bad idea fuck. I'm not doing it. I'm a simple, simple, simple man. Tess will prove that. I'm a very simple guy. And usually, Lorne and these guys

will have faith in me for whatever reason, and I will discouragingly... You are an unbelievable asshole. You are wildly talented. You are clearly wildly talented talented very good at this shit well it's like it's like

I don't want to say self esteem but you're just like no fuss let me do stand up at the cellar every night but yeah I got into SNL because I was doing Hannibal. You know Hannibal Buress?

Man, he used to have this awesome show Sunday nights at Knitting Factory, man. It was like one of my favorite things to do. It's a great spot, too. Yeah, yeah. And yeah, Knitting Factory is awesome. I saw the Roots there. It was one of the most unbelievable experiences. I think that's where I met the Roots.

Really? Yeah. I think I met like- Quest loves Drumstick. Yo, people would drop in all the time. I saw Robin Williams there. Wow. Yeah, it was like a...

Yeah, it was a little hole in the wall sort of spot. Yeah. It's known, but it's not one of the big spots. It's Brooklyn, but it's exactly what you'd want from a Brooklyn venue. Right. And Jost was there. He was head writer at the time with Seth. And he was doing a spot.

And I had a good set. And he was like, hey, man, we're looking for new writers. We're doing this thing where you could come in for two weeks and kind of be a guest writer for the season. And I was like, yeah, all right, whatever. I don't know. I'll get bagels. I had no idea that they actually wanted me to write.

So I wrote a couple sketches, and they asked me to finish out the season. What age is this? This was, I don't know, this was like 2013, I believe. And I've been there ever since. Wild. Yeah, yeah. But it was just like a thing. I never wrote sketches before.

It wasn't something that I was planning on doing. I just kind of, but that's like the beauty of stand-up. Most thing, and kind of the beauty of New York is,

if you work enough, people will find you. You know, like a lot of the people on the show that have a stand-up background probably have a similar story. Also, I feel like

Weekend Update is such a like a staple of snl where it's it's a it's a sketch but it is almost in a way it's current events and punch lines and very similar in like a comedic sense well i got in as a writer before before you ever did yeah yeah so that was a whole other no you know that was a whole other thing i don't do that and then like in the emmys and other thing. I was like, I don't want to do that. And then the Emmys and all that stuff, I was just like, I don't want to do any of this stuff. It freaked me out. To me, I try to keep a low profile and just not get fired. Like, hey, I don't want to be in a position that has any responsibility.

Amen. it's like if i could if i could make the money and do all the cool shit and not have any of the the fame for stress you know enemies and drama and all that shit like that would be the dream yeah but i i but like i don't want to make it seem like i you know i i am conscious of how fortunate that you know uh getting those opportunities are you know what you said i doubled down. But you actually said something interesting in I think the first episode of this season where you were, I think it was when I cut back to you

on stage, but you were like, there is something kind of exciting about the possibility of getting cancelled. Because you were like, I don't want to step on your plane. It adds an air of dangerousness to it that nothing else has.

Right. Yeah, for sure. I mean, it makes it makes people willing to do that job necessary. You know, like, I mean, if if everybody's just allowed to say whatever the fuck they want, then what is interesting about the people who actually say, you know, there's what I mean? Everything works in contrast and in context. But me, I like that people are freaking out about cancel culture because I'm not.

So that means I'm necessary. Somebody's got to call that baby ugly. Might as well be me, damn it. It's a dirty job Somebody's got to do it But it is fun It is kind of, you know

Fuck, Lenny Bruce Lenny Bruce had the police Waiting for him on stage Dick Gregory was getting death threats You know, the kind of things that A lot of people that did this job Much better than us, way before us You this pales in comparison, I feel like. Right.

I mean, now it's like you go through a social media storm for a little while. A lot of people, the cans will get thrown around in a lot of different ways. Absolutely. Some people get it way worse than others, and some people deserve it way worse than others. But a lot of times, it's more like you're going to be under fire for a little bit, and people are going to be talking shit. You got to lay low, and then you come back you know oh you gotta apologize on your podcast the issue a statement you know that's clearly lying whatever but it's also too like i do think that there is like a level of arrogant not arrogance but i don't even

know what the word is but there is a level of they're trying to cancel me oh my god you know oh they're all against me like you know i'm sure it's like 50 people on twitter or yannet you shut the fuck up you'll be fine blanche jack del rio had to issue a quick one today no what do you do what did he do oh jack del rio uh yesterday he retweeted, fuck, Dinesh, I think. Isn't it Dinesh D'Souza or something like that? I forget. He's one of the right-wing nutjobs. And it was, I don't know.

It was something about something. I forget. He just asked a question about why was, I forget what BLM protest it was, but why was that one not persecuted, but the dust up at the Capitol is an issue. Hot take. He called it the dust up at the Capitol is an issue. Hot take. He called it the dust up at the Capitol. The dust up. I had an NFL press conference.

That little hubbub at the Capitol. Just the fellas being boys, you know? Oh, yeah. How could we forget about the dust up at the Capitol? Yeah, I also think that for whatever reason, celebrities or people in the public eye feel as though

that they need to have their most personal opinions so public that it's just like, why don't you just text your buddy? You don't have a friend. You don't have a group chat that you can just put that in? Why do you need to let the whole world know? I do think that social media has ruined that. Yeah. But not in the sense

that like, because you don't get the same fucking dopamine rush or whatever it is. I don't get a lot of likes, right? If I could text my friend, I'm like, yo, if you could like this text 600 times, I'm like, yo, if you could like this text 600 times, I'd feel a lot better than...

Yeah, people get, you know, they want that instant gratification from a lot of fucking people, which is not normal and natural and not supposed to be that way, but now it is. But your buddy wants to have

an actual conversation about it, and then you're like, wow, that's not what I'm trying to do. Yeah, we're not going to debate the actual issue here. I just want to get a laugh at my joke. I just don't understand

why people feel the need to say everything they've ever thought into space I mean especially so I was an accountant before this so then I started to do this and the only way I really can have this fake life job is by I just got to have opinions out all the time that's just how I make my money

but if I already had success and money and all that... But who wants to hear from Jack Del Rio about the skirmish in January 6th? I say... That's particularly one... It's what people are coming for to hear from you,

not Jack Del Rio. Who am I compared to Jack Del Rio, though? Sometimes I'm like, I don't know why you guys want to hear from me, but... No one wants to hear the fucking Jack Del Rio. On anything. Yeah. No.

I was like, dude, you wore a leather coat on the sidelines. We had an idea what your opinions were. You loved Jacksonville, Florida. We got it. What would it take for you to do a podcast? I'm doing one right now. No, no, no. Have your own podcast.

Like the Michael Che show, twice twice a week one or two hours current events topics opinions hot takes and twitter mobs and all that shit you got to promote it blah blah blah what would what would there be would it be money would it be opportunity would it like what would it take for you to do that podcasts are just and i'm not just i'm not just gassing you guys. I think, I think podcasts are deceivingly hard and, and it looks easy. It seems like, oh, it's just guys just talking. There's an absolute science and art to it that I think as a performer, I'm like, I'll do like a promo tour and I have to do four or five and I'm like these motherfuckers gotta show up tomorrow you know what I mean it's a lot to do

and so to me I just don't think I'd be good at it on uh I'm too flighty you would be I'm not just so I can

pat you on the back here just being consistent you know this is like how I got SNL by the way I just don't think I'd be good at it

long you know head writer I don't think I'll be good at it, Lauren. No. Head writer, I don't know. No, but I've got a lot of respect for people who actually do this

and I think everybody's got their ecosystem. Plus, stand-up is my first love. I just like doing stand. I like being on stage. I like that. I like having a lot

of shots at a joke and kind of developing a take and I love guesting on a podcast. Gu that is easy yes easy is cool and i think that you know to me that you know there's space for everybody you don't have to just capitalize on everything because it's hot yeah yeah you know what i mean there's people that's actually really really good at this and i don't want to just do it because i appreciate that rush because usually usually we yell at people who are already famous who start a podcast because it's like, well, now you're going to take all the guests and you're going to get all the downloads and there's only so much time in a day and not listening to me and I fucking need this.

You don't need this. This is an extra for you. It's hard to fucking do, man. I don't know how. I mean, even on updates sometimes, I'm just like, oh, I got to do another five minutes. It's like that kind it's like it's hard to kind of be topical and current and have something fresh and also show up all the time and so you're now you're doing that and i know there's like an off season and

whatnot but you're doing that while you're doing that damn michael che has got to be like an extra grind well that damn michael che lucky enough like we kind of shoot that almost at the same time as SNL. That makes it easier? Well, it makes my summers. So you'd rather just cram it in, do it all at once, and then be off? I feel like tired is tired. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, Mondays are going to suck, so let's load it up anyway.

Might as well. You know what I mean? Like, get it over with. Yeah. So this summer will probably be just a lot more stand up and a lot more writing other projects and then we'll figure out what we're going to

produce in the fall I mean the show's great man I appreciate that who is the best there's so many cameos in it and I'm going to tell you my favorite before you answer mine

but who is like your I don't want to say the up and coming but who are you like people should know this person more I think Reggie Conquest did a great job in season 1 and 2 he's so funny

on camera I think he kind of lights up I had Jack Knight we had Jack and Sam Jack and Sam came in here we were they were just clowning on white people Jack Knight is awesome. We had Jack and Sam on maybe a month or two ago. Jack and Sam came in here. We were, ow. They were just clowning on white people. And it was so funny.

Oh, man. They make me laugh so much, man. They're good people. That's a great sketch. Yeah, they're awesome. Leonard Woods. There's a lot of people that's just fun and silly. And also, we get to work with legends like Tell like tells on there david allen career's on there bro speaking of legend have you watched uh

that's my time with david letterman yet no i haven't yet i haven't i haven't it just came out though right just came out yesterday i think but i was watching rosebud's episode yeah buddy baker yeah she's on the right of staff too i texted her afterwards and she was like i was telling her that you were coming on and she's like wait Michael's doing a podcast I was like yeah we honestly thought that maybe the reason why you were coming here

was that she might have said something because we're friends with her and I was like I don't know why he's coming yeah she did not mention you guys ever

that's exactly what she said she goes I didn't say shit not once as I had that thought I was like she would never she would be like fuck those guys

I don't give a shit about them. The reason I bring this all up is because when she sits down with Letterman after her set, he says, you work with the legend Michael Che. No, he didn't.

Yes, I swear to God. David Letterman calling you a legend. I had no idea he was on prompter. That just ruined everything, man. No, Letterman is, I mean, come on,

Letterman's Letterman. The fact that he knows my name, even though Letterman's Letterman. The fact that he knows my name, even though I've done that show, the fact that he knows my name blows my mind. You're in that air for sure, man. No. You are. You are. You're going to get a lot of hate in the comment section. Brother,

nothing I'm not used to. Can you imagine? Can you imagine a hateful comment? This is fun as shit. I'm not trying to leave, but I had no idea that I'd be smiling this whole time. That's what we tried to do. We tried to make it at least a little more enjoyable. My boyfriend's an asshole, by the way.

I can't believe he has something foul to say about this beautiful studio. Who's your decorator? All right, man. We appreciate your time. If you've got a couple more minutes, we're going to do a video next door for our YouTube series. Of course. I got you. But we'll tell the people now.

That damn Michael Che. Both seasons are out now. Unbelievable. Strong, strong recommendation. We've got a lot of Chris DeStefano fans in our audience. Season one, episode one, he comes in hot right away on that first skit. That second episode, too uh the the hose present like that is one of the realest shit i never have problems in life i mean that's up there with

when i talk about like i remember chapelle skits and stuff like that's going to be in my mind forever all rectangles are not square yeah Not square. Yeah. So good. It was funny. Shout out to Mike. So, yeah, everyone go check it out. And we appreciate the time, dude. Thank you so much. Thank you, man. Thank you, guys. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.