KFC Radio - Mitchell Tenpenny, #MAILTIME, and the Ten Croc Commandments
Episode Date: May 29, 2019Mitchell Tenpenny (1:00:36) gives us a definitive answer on if Lil Nas X is country music, his thoughts on Billy Ray Cyrus, Taylor Swift, and whether or not he washes his legs. KFC is back from Memori...al Day Weekend with no stories to tell except his hatred for parades, fireworks and umbrellas. Intern Josh gives us the Ten Croc Commandments. Voicemails include: what is the Dewey Decimal sytem, paid your friends off, ass soap, and senior pranks.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr
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Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
It's another edition of KFC Radio, presented by Postmates, brought to you by Omaha Steaks.
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All right.
New episode of KFC Radio.
This is actually a little mail time vibe.
Maybe a little mail time revival.
It's me and super producer BC
while Fights is out on the road.
He's up in Boston for the cup.
And so it's me flying solo here right now.
Also, we're introducing for the first time,
maybe you've heard me talk about him, Crocs.
Joshie Crocs is on the show,
wearing something that is just patently ridiculous
to the point that you need to see it with your own two eyes.
If you're listening on audio right now,
I think you should highly consider
going to barstoolgo gold.com slash KFC
signing up to watch this episode because you got to see what my asshole
intern is wearing to work every day.
Now it's just something words can't describe.
You got to see it with your own two eyes.
Go to barstool gold.com slash KFC. We're back.
A little break after Memorial Day for us.
And on a day that I ordinarily would be coming to you with a hangover and a sunburn,
with a hole in my pocket
and a heart full of regret and anxiety from my Memorial Day weekend behavior.
I come to you with none of that because I am washed up and I am old.
The lack of anxiety is great, though.
Yeah, it does have its benefits.
Part of me is happy to come into work on Memorial Day Tuesday
and not even realize it was any different than any other day.
Every day after a holiday, I used to write a blog.
I used to do a podcast.
I used to do an episode of Mail Time,
and I would talk about the top worst days of the year.
Memorial Day Tuesday was a top five worst day of the year because you just go so hard.
You go from your fat, pasty winter self sitting on the couch doing absolutely nothing to
sitting on the beach for 12 hours drinking, day drinking into night drinking partying all night all weekend an extra
day's worth you're traveling you're eating like shit you're drinking like shit you're spending
too much money you're making bad decisions with your penis and your vagina and when tuesday rolls
around you look back on the 72 hours and you say what the fuck have i done you look at the pile of ash that is your own life
it's like the end of infinity war it is it's like you just melt into dust by memorial day tuesday
and you know when you're 24 you laugh about it and you're thinking it's almost thursday it's
almost ready for thursday happy hour i'm gonna catch out i'm gonna dip out of work on summer
friday early and i'm gonna do it all over again. And I'm going to do it
for 13 more weekends in a row because I'm 24 and the world is my oyster and my body is a well-oiled
machine of drinking and fucking. And when you're 25, 26, you know, you're still doing it. Actually,
you hit your prime because you learn how to do it. You know, you know where to rent the house.
You know what time to get to the bar to avoid the lines. You know where to hang out if you're looking to rage. You
know where to hang out if you're looking to stay low key. You know where to hang out if you're
looking to hook up. You know the right spot on the beach to hang out where it's crowded, but not too
crowded. And you know the best spots to eat and the best place to live. And you really hit your
prime then. And then 27 hits. 27 hits 27 club 27 we all know that's the
year that you try to kill yourself that's the year that you realize that your life is going nowhere
and then you say to yourself am i just gonna do another house in manasquan new jersey in
west hampton long island and wherever else you guys go, Dewey Beach, down in Maryland,
in the Bay, Cape Cod, wherever, you start to say, what am I doing here? I've been drinking at
literally the same exact bars all summer long, every summer since I graduated. I've been hooking
up with the same like Jersey rats for my entire adult life.
It's just, it's Groundhog Day every weekend in the summer when you're 27.
And something else starts to happen when you're 27 and really kicks in when you're 28 and 29.
That's a little something I like to call hangovers.
Now, hangovers, everybody gets hangovers.
You can be 20 and you have a hangover.
But it's not until you're late 20s, pushing 30, that you realize what a hangover truly is.
When you get that version of a hangover, the true definition of a hangover, you realize you've been crying wolf your whole life with hangovers.
Oh, you have a little bit of a dull headache and, you know, that's it really, right?
You're like, oh, I'm so hungover.
You just got a headache.
When you're 28 and your legs hurt,
it feels like someone's just been beating your legs.
Like, what did you do all night long?
Did you just get, like, tackled all night long,
like, bundled in your thighs?
Did you not wear your pads when you went and played football?
It feels like you can't even walk.
Your stomach hurts. Your head hurts, your eyes are burning,
you have that disgusting taste in your mouth.
You realize your body is shutting down.
Your body is saying no more because you've been doing this
for five straight years.
And then 30 hits and it's really a wrap.
And then you get a wife or a husband and a family,
and then you end up here where i'm at today 34 years old bright
eyed and bushy tailed with no hangover no sunburn no regret but also not a goddamn story to tell you
i got nothing life is all about doing it for the story when you can afford to go do things that are story worthy i got two kids i spent
all memorial day weekend with them the highlight was filling up the kiddie pool and it got warm
enough in the sun for them to sit in it i was like oh good it's not cold now they'll sit in the
kiddie pool and they won't bother me for a little bit. That was the highlight. Watching the Mets.
That was the highlight.
Highlight.
Implying that it was the most enjoyable part of my weekend was watching the New York Mets.
That's when you know your weekend stunk.
And sure, it was cute.
I was hanging out in my parents' backyard, which is where I grew up.
They've been there.
We went full circle.
They went back to the same apartment that I once grew up in.
And so I was sitting with my son playing in the same backyard I did.
He was eating a chocolate donut, running around the backyard with no shirt on, goofing around.
Quite literally the exact same thing I did 32 years earlier.
Now, sure, that's cool.
Made for a nice Instagram caption and a nice picture.
And there was some part of me that's like, wow, you know, life's in life.
I don't know.
Life came full circle.
That's fulfilling or some bullshit like that.
But it also made me feel old and boring as shit.
When you can tell a story, you can say something like, oh, I did that 30 years ago.
Oh, you shouldn't have any like that. You shouldn't. I mean, when you're 25 something like oh i did that 30 years ago oh
you shouldn't have any stories like that you shouldn't i mean when you're 25 you didn't do
anything 30 years ago you know what i mean you couldn't you can't you know i have friends that
i've been friends with for 25 years like that's crazy i i did things 30 years ago that my kids
are doing now yikes i'm about to die i'm'm fucking dead soon, man. This shit is getting bad.
So yeah, it's like fulfilling and it's happy.
And as a dad, it's great.
But as far as fun goes, but I don't know.
I can't tell.
Did you have any FOMO?
Because I also, the difference is like,
I used to not have FOMO when it was not possible.
It was just like, I had a wife and I got my kids and I ain't doing that shit.
Now, when it's like, you know, if I didn't have the kids all weekend i could have gone and done that like when
when it's resumed being a possibility because i'm single now i think fomo kind of kicked back in
where it was like well i mean i could be there it used to be like when i knew i couldn't be there
i just didn't even like think about it right but isn't this only because we work with a bunch of
children like yeah you're seeing like to me when I see because you
have literally been part of bar like you know I've been associated with barstool for a long time
but I haven't been part of it so like you know so my mid-30s I grew up with all my other friends
who were slowly not doing this stuff as much so now when I see like if you know Fran and Rhea
are out partying or like Ellie is doing something, even Casey, who's still significantly younger than me, like, but they're, you know, they're in the entertainment world.
I still feel like I'm not.
Yeah, I'm not a part of that.
I'm like, yeah, you crazy kids.
You crazy kids.
I also, I mean, it was like we did it every summer.
We did it so right. me and my friends from the Hamptons to Long Island to a couple, like a weekend here or there in Dewey, a weekend here and there up at,
not the Cape, but like wherever the chart room is up in New England.
So like I have very fond memories of that.
It's more of that than it is.
I see, when I see them doing it, I'm like, you're doing it wrong.
You're doing it wrong.
You should have got a house here.
Why are you there?
I'm very judgy about it.
And I just think about, you know i texted my uh i texted ragi and he said he was going to barry's
boot camp with like some family members you say that like you don't even know what that is it's
like what barry's boot camp that sounded like you were trying to pronounce a foreign word well it
was like that's what you're doing like that's something you people do on memorial day weekend
and i was like life sucks now man he was like it's not it doesn't suck it's just different i was like that's what you're doing like that's something you people do a memorial day weekend and i was like life sucks now man he was like it's not it doesn't suck it's just different i was like
yeah well it's different in the sense that it used to be a lot better so whatever definition
label you want to put on it you know it's it's tough to pretend like something like barry's boot
camp corresponds to like partying at the jersey shore like if you want to be like hey you know
what dedicated myself to getting in better shape and i'm gonna do that and it'm going to do that, and I'm going to get a sense of accomplishment.
Fine.
But that's not the same thing.
And the same thing with family.
It's like, you know, I had a wonderful weekend with my kids.
Like, great memories and photos and laughs and shit like that.
But it's not fun.
What people like us do for fun, we drink and we party.
And we go to bars.
We do stupid shit.
We talk to people.
We hang out with girls.
We drink ourselves our faces off.
And that's what we do.
We watch a game.
We eat some food.
I don't know what.
I said this when I was 27.
I say it now at 34.
I don't know what people do outside of that.
I don't know.
You go to museums and shit.
I don't fucking know.
Maybe people go out on boats now.
I feel like if you had a boat, you just go out on the boat.
That's cool.
I guess that's enjoyable.
But I don't know what to do so my version of fun is what i did when i was i don't know 18 29
and so i don't do that anymore so it's not fun anymore how about how you ruined parker house
people were telling i can't believe i i do you think i ruined parker house i don't i don't think
i don't think it was you but it's's funny that people associate it with you. I think that maybe it finally jumped the shark.
Parker House is a Jersey Shore bar.
It's literally
my favorite bar of all time.
It was a magical place. Upstairs
you had a little bar where you grabbed
sliders and hang out outdoors.
There's a DJ
and then downstairs was a live band
in a place that a couple of friends of mine
dubbed God's Basement.
But I feel like it was a, like, I had heard of it, but I didn't know,
I had not heard people regale it as you did.
Yeah, yeah.
I definitely hyped it up for several years when I was doing the summers there,
and now it's to the point that it's, like, too crowded to even go,
and they actually, the bar shut down there
upstairs like you could only go in the basement now as an effort to just keep people out i think
there's just too many people like the line goes to the beach like down the block to the beach
and it wasn't like that when i was when i was going there but as i hyped it up over the years
that's an old person thing by the way when you like hiccup and burp in the middle of a conversation.
Did you guys hear that?
Like that's something like your old uncle does in the middle of a conversation.
You're like, are you all right?
What just happened?
You just like eat like your air.
What the fuck was that about?
That's old people shit.
I had two very old people moments.
One right now when I just like burped, hiccuped on air.
And two, I was watching a Mets encore.
I was watching a replay of the game
thinking it was a live game.
If you want to hear more about that,
go listen to me and Clem.
We gotta believe came out yesterday.
That was something I made fun of my parents
and like old people for doing.
I'm pretty sure Dave's done that before
and I've crushed him for it
and now I realize I'm right there with them.
I'm right there with the old people.
I'm one of the olds.
Listen, when you fire off like half a million tweets
like you probably have by now,
like every now and then,
you're going to mess up.
Sometimes you're going to goof up, yeah.
But the Parker House thing is interesting
because on the one hand,
I want the credit to be able to say,
like, I move crowds, bro.
I mention bars and they have to shut down.
I put this shit on the map.
But I mean, Parker House,
I think is one of those places
that's been around since like 1796.
It's been around for like 250 years.
But, you know, it wasn't...
It was never like this crowded.
I also,
I got a couple of tweets
of people saying like,
you know,
when they were there,
there was no line.
So I think it depends
on when you go.
But at peak hours,
it's almost like uninhabitable now.
And a lot of people were saying,
a lot of people were blaming me for it.
I think that,
that's probably just like,
you know me,
you saw my tweets
and it's coinciding
with this place being too crowded.
Yeah.
If you're not having a good time, you remember that, you know, KFC talked about it.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
But I don't know.
Maybe there's something to it.
I mean, I've hyped up the Bordy Barn and I just had like two friends.
And then people have gone and they were just, I don't know, they didn't have a good time.
Like the Bordy Barn is like 4,000 people in a wide open space.
Some people are going to have a great time. Some people are going to have a great time.
Some people are going to have a bad time.
And then they come to me and say,
well, what the fuck was that?
I mean, it's just literally a wide open space with beer.
You can't enjoy that.
That's up to you.
Yeah, you go to the Bordy Barn, you have a problem.
It's a you problem.
It's a you problem.
You go to the Parker House.
You go to the Drift when it was around back in Hampton.
You go to those spots and there,
and you don't enjoy it.
There's a reason why those places are open with hundreds and then thousands of
people over the summer making boatloads of money.
It's cause it's a fucking awesome place.
But if somebody remembered it,
like,
like they went there the same time around you,
or maybe like just thereafter and had a great time.
And now it's just a hot spot now.
Like it also become more popular.
It's not as good. It does seem like it's just a hot spot now. It's become more popular, and we're crowded.
It's not as good.
It does seem like it's a bit more like I never waited on a line
that went to the beach, not even close.
But what's happening is you are getting older,
and crowds are bothering you more.
You used to wait on a line.
You used to fight your way to the bartender,
and now when you have to do that, you are pissed off
because you're older.
You're probably 27 and thinking about killing yourself.
And now you just notice it.
It's not that these places
are that much more crowded.
When you really think about
the things that we did,
like, do you remember
being in Muggsy's
where, like, it was so crowded
your chest was, like,
being compressed
by other human bodies.
Like, bones crushing.
And you were, like,
holding a beer,
somehow not spilling,
probably just spilling on people,
probably getting spilled on you.
When someone, like,
bumps into you at a bar now,
you're like,
what the fuck?
You spilled on me, man.
What is going on here?
It's like that used to happen to you 25 times a night and you just didn't bat an eye.
There was just like a wall-to-wall sea of people and you were on the wrong side and you were like, I'm going to walk into that and just slowly press my body against other people.
You were okay with it.
And wedge your way through.
Now it's like, I mean, that's the seventh circle of hell.
Never, man.
I'm not waiting on any lines.
I'm not doing crowds. If I need a drink, I want to drink within three minutes. I just can seventh circle of hell. Never, man. Like, I'm not waiting on any lines. I'm not doing crowds.
If I need a drink, I want to drink, like, within three minutes, you know?
I just can't do it anymore.
So when you experience that, you're like, wow, this place jumped the shark.
And it's like, look around.
All those 24-year-olds that you see are having a blast.
They are unaffected because they are young.
They have souls, and they have their happiness and their future.
You have been crushed by life, and you don't care about these things.
You're mad now that it's too crowded.
So it's all about your perspective and where you're coming from.
But, you know, no stories to tell.
Except Shay with the parade was unbelievable.
My one highlight of Memorial Day, I took Shay to a memorial, and Keegan.
They both went, but Keegan is great.
Keegan is cake.
Number one on my power rankings.
He's easy to please.
He eats everything in sight.
He's just this dopey clown.
Low maintenance.
Low maintenance.
Just follows me around.
He just says, all you have to do is just put on Alexa nonstop for him.
That's it.
Give him donuts.
He's happy.
Shay is a little bit harder.
She was like, I don't want to go to a parade.
I don't like parades.
I'm like, you don't know what a parade is.
You're three and a half.
You're dumb.
It's not an iPad, though.
Anything that's not an iPad, she doesn't like.
And I understand you, girl.
I get it.
I'm addicted to.
I don't like parades.
I'm afraid of them.
But you can't be afraid of a parade.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
It's people walking in a line.
She kept telling me I'm afraid of parades.
She's three. She could be
afraid of anything. I guess. And then the parade starts
and she freaks out.
Screams.
Starts crying. And so I'm standing
there. Veterans of war
waving to the crowd. American flags
flying in the air.
Whole parade. Bagpipes.
Drums. The whole nine.
And she's screaming, no!
Take me out of here!
I want to go to grandma's house!
I was like, Shay, support the troops.
God bless America, Shay.
People that are in ISIS, Shay.
My little ISIS baby here, screaming.
Doesn't want the fucking veterans.
Doesn't want to do the Memorial Day parade.
No RIP and peace from Shay.
Slow. Slow. Support the troops. Support America, Shay. You're embarrassing me. I haven't been embarrassed by her
yet. I was like, you're embarrassing me. Just wave like all the other little kids. And everybody else
in the crowd that I was with is telling me like, oh no, Shay, look, there's a flag. How about the
flag? Guess what? She doesn't give a fuck about the flag
hey shay did you see the car do you see the do you see the instruments do you see the this do
you see that she sees it she's scared stop trying i don't know why but she doesn't like any of this
shit so stop fucking trying to convince the three-year-old that this is actually something
she enjoys because she doesn't so next up i'm proud of her as much as i wanted to support the
troops and i didn't like being seen as the un-american family i am happy that my kid doesn't. So next up, I'm proud of her. As much as I want her to support the troops and I didn't like being seen as the un-American family,
I am happy that my kid doesn't like parades
because parades are the single stupidest activity
the human race still engages in for entertainment.
I don't know, when was the first parade?
Probably around when they signed the Magna Carta,
if I had to guess.
Okay.
There was a parade, hey, Magna Carta parade, okay? Like 1,200, whenever we signed the Magna Carta, if I had to guess. Okay. There was a parade. Hey, Magna Carta parade.
Okay.
Like 1,200, whenever we signed the Magna Carta,
there was a parade.
Okay.
We've been doing it for hundreds of years.
Because why?
There was nothing else to fucking do.
There was no TV.
There was no bars.
There was no fucking games to watch,
live entertainment,
all the stuff you do now.
There's no binge watching there's no netflix
there was no iphone there's no internet so we fucking had to just watch people walk down the
street depressing as shit really like what should we do today i don't know i think a bunch of people
have organized they're ready to walk from point a to point b you want to sit there and watch them
yeah it sounds great what are they gonna be doing i don't know i'm gonna be like banging on a drum
awesome they'll be waving a flag somebody might even throw a baton wow entertaining you think the first one
was really just like people walking by probably like not even any of that stuff it was probably
like soldiers returning home for war i bet this was very memorial day-esque and then at some point
like that wasn't good enough and they're like we need some drums yeah you know what eventually
we're gonna have balloons we're gonna look at something floating in the air. Who fucking cares about this?
And the fact, like, yeah, fine.
Once we had all these things to do, we don't need the parade anymore, guys.
Why are we carrying on this archaic, obsolete, ridiculous tradition?
Fireworks, dude.
I'm going to be started on fireworks.
You're sitting under the fireworks.
Crocs just went on his eyebrows.
What?
Really?
We're going to bash fireworks?
He loves fireworks.
He's an
idiot so you know if you're underneath it's a nice summer night yeah you know you got your
boo under your arm you make out under the fireworks sure that's fine it's a nice moment
but to be actually like enamored and in awe with the explosion that has been the same
every single time you've ever ever looked at fireworks fireworks fireworks industry is the
laziest industry in the world that shit hasn't changed since like the 1800s okay maybe the
finale gets a little bit bigger maybe they go extra loud there's a couple new colors they're
not there's actually not new colors they've had all the colors there are no new colors coming out
it's not like lucky charms they can debut a new color that's not. There are no new colors coming out. It's not like Lucky Charms where they can debut a new color.
No.
There's just no more colors.
Didn't they used to do them so they explode in patterns too?
You never really see that anymore.
I feel like the Asians do that.
I feel like that's Chinese fireworks.
The bow, dragon.
Yeah, absolutely.
Because then you never know what you're going to see.
Boom!
OJ's face pops up.
Like something cool like that?
Sure.
That sounds great.
But when it's just the same old-
I'm surprised of hasn't done
this kind of his own personal personalized fire maybe we should make a new line of fireworks
explosives we're on to something it's funny that like on some level though humans just like shit
exploding still you know it's like i like that when i was like 12 like let's get some drones
out there okay you got to be able to do something with that way it's like either shooting the
fireworks and maybe the drones itself are exploding.
I like that. I would like to shoot
things down with fireworks.
Like duck hunt. Like skeet shooting.
Like something's going through the air and it's like, ow!
And you shoot it out of the air. The bomb's
bursting in air like
a rocket launcher. Someone with
fireworks on their shoulders blasting things out
of the sky. Now we're talking. Now it gets
a little bit competitive.
You need a little violence.
Yeah.
Instead of the simulation of it. It's like,
I need something actually.
Good old threat of danger.
You know,
maybe somebody getting maimed or injured.
I don't know.
You go to Orchard Beach,
like you're,
you're in danger.
They fire that shit way too close.
You go to Orchard Beach in the summer period,
you're in danger, bro.
You walk around the beach with hypodermic needles,
you're in danger.
Don't even have to be any humans around. But uh other than that when it still just does like the
just the little starburst cloud yeah burst you know fuck about that i've seen that 200 000 times
too loud for me oh you you do the earplugs no but it you know i'd like to i don't have an
embarrassment but i sure i would like Top three worst people in the world.
Number three, people who plug their ears during fireworks show.
Number two, people who plug their ears when an ambulance goes by.
And number one, the worst people on the planet Earth are the people who plug their ears when the subway comes.
That's not even that loud.
This affects you in no way.
You just have to see someone put their fingers in their ears.
And it makes me want to push them in front of the tracks.
The sirens can be really loud,
especially in New York City.
You get stuck in traffic,
and you're walking with them,
and it's just sirens the entire walk for you.
That's pretty bad.
The subways are just not that loud.
It's like a...
Like a screeching of the brakes it's like for two seconds then you get on and that's it you also hate
people that use umbrellas uh yeah i'm out on umbrellas i mean umbrellas are umbrellas are
the one thing i've softened on that when i was a young man i would just be drenched because i'd be
like umbrellas are gay now it's it's not that i mean i well showing up to a place completely drenched is unacceptable
now when you're an adult it's just that i just they're just not a part of my life
like when i see it's raining i don't say like where's my umbrella i don't have an umbrella
it's just something i've never worked into the repertoire if you will you know it's just not
part of my arsenal.
So you have like a bag of –
You're like from Southern California.
You're like, why would I prepare for this?
It's like, well, it rains a decent amount here.
Yeah, like a lot of the time.
But it's just – it's not in my bag of tricks.
It's not like – you have certain jokes.
You have certain phrases.
You have certain words and whatever in your lexicon.
You have certain clothes that you wear and moves that you make. We need a listener
to tweet you.
Like, KFC, it's raining.
You still don't have it? Dude, I know when it's
going to rain. I look at the weather.
I pick my shoes according to the rain.
But then I don't have an umbrella.
These shoes are going to get soaked.
What can you do? Your shoes still get soaked,
by the way. Right, right, right. Basically,
like, thigh down. Yeah, the umbrella is like save your shoulders and like your head
your back your thighs your legs you're still fucked and then my real problem with the umbrellas
is the umbrella wars is like the the little the little spoke is right eye level for me if you're
six feet tall like everyone's spokes are right at your eyes and they don't know what they're
doing with those things i use the only time i do have an umbrella i use it as a shield like captain america i push other umbrellas
off like the penguin it's like a weapon for me so you know i i've learned that you know i'm not i'm
not i'm not an umbrella hardo i'm just a child it's not like i judge the uh the golf umbrella
people i think those people are ridiculous when you have an umbrella that takes up a city block,
it's like, all right, dickhead, we get it.
But the rest of the time, now I understand.
You're just trying to not be drenched
when you show up to work or wherever you're going.
I get that.
But I'm just telling you,
umbrellas, they're not for me.
They're just...
No parades.
I lose them.
No fireworks.
I forget them.
No umbrellas.
No umbrellas.
Put that on a shirt.
Just with the lines crossed out. No umbrellas. No umbrellas. Put that on a shirt. Just like the lines crossed out.
No umbrellas.
Hashtag no umbrellas, baby.
All right.
You want to get into some voicemails?
And then we got an interview with Mitchell Tenpenny,
upcoming rising star in the country music game.
So we talked to him a little bit.
First, we'll get into these voicemails, though.
Voicemails delivered by Postmates.
Every single week, we deliver you. Every single episode, we deliver these voicemails though voicemails delivered by postmates every single week we deliver you every single episode we deliver these voicemails to you the same way that i can always
count on postmates delivering me my food so i've been doing this postmates for a long time now this
this campaign and yet they still keep coming in handy and saving my ass the other day um i have
no problem admitting it i was about to serve my child some spoiled milk i had i had a
i had myself a bowl of cereal and i took a bite and i was like that was like tangy that's not
right and i realized that milk it had been a little while does it get tangy yeah it was weird
it's a weird taste it's got something to it it's got a little funk to it it get tangy? Yeah, it was weird. It's a weird taste. It's got something to it.
It's got a little funk to it.
And I was like,
but it wasn't like,
you know, chunky.
It was probably like
a day too old, you know?
It was not like
you're going to get sick.
It's not like it's going to be like,
you know, I smelled it
and it wasn't like,
and, you know,
maybe probably
a couple months ago,
guess what?
My kids,
they would have drank that milk.
They would have not had any choice
and they probably
wouldn't have enjoyed it,
but they probably would have done it.
Not anymore, folks.
I just had my Postmates deliver me fresh milk.
So honestly, Postmates,
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I also got donuts because Keegan eats nothing but donuts.
I got that delivered. Keeping my children fed, keeping them hydrated,
keeping them alive. That's what Postmates does.
It also can provide you dinner if you're lazy and you don't
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Hey, KFC.
Fights. Superduce BC. First time,
long time. I just got a question about
the Dewey Decimal System. Like the whole
fucking, how they put books in a library.
Why the fuck was that
taught to me in elementary school?
Was I being groomed to be a fucking librarian?
That's an all-timer.
What other stupid shit did they try to teach us?
Now, cursive is the cliche one.
Everybody complains about learning cursive,
and it's cliche for a reason.
It's a stereotype for a reason.
Because it is this strange thing
that the world agreed upon from ages like eight to ten was super important like second grade through fourth grade
fifth grade then you go to middle school and they just don't fucking care anymore and honestly
i get it it's the ultimate mail time move when you have young dumb kids in your classroom
they just they're not that smart they can't learn that much there's not
enough shit going on to fill up an eight hour school day so it's like i don't know let's turn
them out of right words squiggly let's recreate a new way to write words loopy swoopy squiggly
and that'll kill a couple hours that'll kill a couple years and then when their brains are
functioning and they can actually absorb some knowledge and learn how to do math and learn how to write, we don't have to do it anymore.
But right now, you know.
I think most people stayed writing cursive, though, right?
You're just saying that, like, you can.
I pretty much do.
Give it over to print.
I mean, do you still write cursive now?
No, but.
When did you abandon?
I think, like, in middle school when you had to, like, write a paper or, like, you know, there was an essay portion of it.
I wrote that in cursive.
I mean, we sound old as shit because you know
anybody for the last like 10-15 years
we just typed everything out we were talking about
but when you had to write with
I mean can you believe that in our lifetime
we were writing
on parchment
with wooden
sticks filled with graphite
that is some archaic
shit that's worse than parades, man.
It's wild.
There's a piece of rubber on the other end that you can like.
You rub it away.
You can make it disappear.
You rub it.
Rub it really fast.
Can you imagine?
Do you remember like.
Do you remember the times where you like had to erase like a whole piece of paper?
Like if you wrote like a bunch of shit wrong.
You're just.
And then like the fucking.
And what did you just like.
You just like blew that into.
So that goes on the ground. Just gone. In the the air like we all probably getting cancer from that shit that was cursive
was number one the dewey decimal system is certainly up there because it's it is something i
like i learned i mean i guess it was more for you to be able to find books because we were in an
era also where you would go to a house that stores books and you would find them and borrow them.
That's crazy.
But we had like you could not use a computer and type in like where is this book?
Like now there's a solution.
You can find a solution for anything.
So what was anywhere?
Why didn't it just do alphabetical?
I don't know.
Some of that stuff must have been alphabetical.
I guess like within.
Yeah, I think it was like for categories
it was like a non-fiction thing
you don't want to have to go through
all of the A's, all of the B's
within science fiction
I'm looking for ocean life
I'm trying to read about octopuses
octopi
you're just like I don't need to
look through the letter O
do you hear how ridiculous this is? this is absurd but think about right now how you just
google like anything you need like you have a question in your mind and you're like let me
google it i just feel like imagine walking into a library and being like i gotta find a book
and i can't find my answer i feel like i would i feel like i would get absolutely get straight
a's now like how are you getting anything wrong on a test ever do they make everything like harder like ungoogle like they
must be asking some really maybe maybe these people maybe these kids are getting real smart
because the tests are actually really challenging now because they can't like just ask questions
anymore but i mean i got pretty good grades as is if i if i just had like you know the ultimate
answer key in the internet i'd never get anything wrong do you think kids are just getting lazier
yeah they gotta be they gotta be getting stupider never get anything wrong. Do you think kids are just getting lazier? Yeah, they gotta be.
They gotta be getting stupider and fatter and lazier.
The kids are the problem.
Yeah, of course they are.
I can definitely agree to that.
Cursive, Dewey Decimal System.
Calculus is pretty crazy.
I think there should be like,
do you want to try to be like an engineer or an architect
or like an astronaut?
Then you gotta go learn the differential equation and the quadratic
equation and,
and all that shit.
Cause otherwise like,
what the fuck are we talking about?
I think you should be taught the theory of calculus.
Like,
like the theory of gravity.
You're like the earth spins,
pulls things down.
That's all you got to understand.
Like,
I don't even know what's the theory.
No,
I'm saying like there should, you should understand that like, you don't even know, what's the theory of calculus? No, I'm saying, like, there should,
you should understand that, like,
you should just be taught
that math is so fucking good
that you can figure out
the most complicated stuff.
This is like, you know,
you don't believe that
somebody could be put on the moon,
and it's just like,
math says it can happen.
Yeah, that's not true.
That's what I'm saying.
As long as you have a grasp on that,
like, the calculus can do some shit,
you shouldn't have to learn it.
That one is nuts.
I feel like...
Probably top out of algebra.
I don't think you need trigonometry either.
Again, you just need to know...
Cosine, sine, tangent, parabola.
You just need to know that it's like, you probably need this for buildings to be built.
Yeah.
And if you're not going to do that, you're all good.
That's fine.
And I think some of the history is stupid too.
Yeah.
Like, I really liked it.
Some of it though.
Can I tell you... Just some of it? Yeah, some of it. Like I really liked it. Some of it though.
Can I tell you some of it?
Yeah.
Some of it.
Like,
like what actually stuck with me the most,
the stuff I'm most interested in.
I can't even think of something less reasonable,
less applicable,
less practical than the Tigris and Euphrates river,
Mesopotamia,
the fertile, the fertile crescent,
cuneiform, Delta silt. you're down with cuneiform but not cursive oh yeah okay yeah like like hieroglyphics love that shit everything from the fertile
crescent through like ancient egypt really fascinated by that never ever fascinated at
the time yeah i liked it a lot i remember you know like you know dad big on like civil war world war ii
and i i would be like this is so boring i fall asleep in class and he's like what yeah dude dad
he still loved that shit he i watch him all the time now at home he still just he just watches
that show how stuff gets made yeah it was just like it was it was about rubber mallets how do
rubber hammers get made i fucking loved it i was like i just don't care how they're made like i get it
like i just don't get why you care it's like there's a rubber mallet and i can have it if i
want it that's all it matters to me if i need it they exist i don't need to know how the rubber is
poured and all that shit he just watches some he watches i think i mentioned this before on the
podcast like he watches some black and white shit that is like it's not just like oh this is an old
movie this is like before they had mastered just like, oh, this is an old movie.
This is like before they had mastered the art of motion pictures, Dad.
This cannot be entertaining.
This is like watching a parade.
That's the theme of the episode here.
He watches some of the most insanely boring shit.
He was watching something on the History Channel, and I didn't know this went down.
But apparently, like, during World War II, we were, and the Germans were actively researching psychic abilities.
Oh, yeah.
No, see, that I kind of get interested in.
Right, I was like, all right, dad, all right, let's leave this on.
Philadelphia experiment type shit, teleportation.
The Nazis were trying to come up with some Captain America super soldier shit.
They thought that soldiers could perfect the art of being able to see where they were.
The enemies were, yeah.
Like they're in one room and they're like, if we try hard enough, we'll be able to see.
That was like a real tactic.
I think Hitler was on some alien shit.
I think Ancient Aliens has an episode on him.
See, I get down with Ancient Aliens.
I'm wondering, what are the things that we watch now that our kids will be like, like oh my god my dad was watching like a jersey
shore rerun or some shit you know what i mean like i feel like everything we watch is just like sports
and scripted entertainment but i guess yeah when we're watching when it's just something that's
like two-dimensional we're just like watching on a tv in the basement while they're upstairs
watching like their their holograms they're gonna be like man my dad's a fucking loser
so the dewey decimal system cursive and whatever the fuck my dad's watching. All that shit.
Completely obsolete.
Yo,
KFC, fight.
Long time.
No time.
Anyway, I got a
dilemma, and I don't
know what to think of it. So, my
crazy ex-girlfriend, before
we just broke up because she did something
that absolutely just ended us she paid my two best friends a ridiculous amount of money for them to
stop hanging out with me and basically so so she i can hang out with her and i'm wondering like
should i be mad at them for actually doing it, or
should I still be pissed at her for making them, for paying them off? Like I said, it
was a ridiculous amount of money, and I don't know what I should, who I should be mad at.
I think I ought to be mad at both. I don't know. Love to hear your thoughts. Peace.
So the friends, the girlfriend paid the friends off to stop hanging out, was it?
Yes.
Like, meaning the friends, the two guy friends or or whatever can't hang out with the boyfriend anymore.
Yes.
That's some fucking terrible shit.
And he is asking who he should be mad at.
Should he be mad at the friends for accepting the payment?
Oh, they accepted.
No.
Fuck that.
I mean, the way he kept emphasizing a ridiculous amount of money.
Well, I mean, what I would do is I would accept the money and I would talk to my friend.
If they didn't, if they, okay, all right, I get it now.
Because if my best friend is just, let's go, let's go to Vegas on your girlfriend.
Okay, here's the thing.
This is all predicated upon the friends being able to convince the boyfriend he needs to absolutely dump this girl.
I mean, this is some dark, manipulative shit, like paying people off.
This is like, you know, in the movies, this would be like when the rich father pays the
boyfriend to stop hanging out with the poor boyfriend.
You know, we can't have you hanging out and sullying our family's reputation.
So here's money to go away.
But when it's just friends.
So, all right, let's rank it.
Who should be like most offended here? Because when a girlfriend comes to you and says, right, let's rank it. Who should be, like, most offended here?
Because when a girlfriend comes to you and says, I'm going to give you money to go away, that implies that she thinks you are despicable.
Right, the friends should be pretty offended.
Yes, like, you are so, such a shitty pile of shit person.
I will give you my hard-earned money to just go away.
That's super offensive.
And she definitely, like like thinks she's far above
them because she's like i have so much money that i could give you a sum and basically buy you but
you know what like money is there to be spent and if i had money i i want to if i had money i would
buy like a new body i would buy all the things that i want to fix i would buy a new house i'd
buy a new person i'd buy this i'd buy that and if i could buy my company and make it the way i want
it to be i guess i get it it's true it's a fucking dickhead thing buy this I'd buy that and if I could buy my company and make it the way I want it to be I guess I get it
it's a fucking dickhead thing to say
and do but that's what money's there for but I would
be offended if someone was like I'm gonna pay you money to
disappear then I think
what if it wasn't just like a lump sum what if she just like
hit them with a memo and they had to walk out of the room
everybody's hanging out and it's just like
beep if she was smart and she wants to keep it going
that's how you do it right it's like
you take a lump sum and you show up next week it's like right and you get another thousand
dollars where that came from yes uh but if if the friends just actually stopped hanging out
and he was just like yo dude where you know where have you guys been and you're like oh no sorry man
i've been busy and it's because you just i mean then you're then you're a shitty friend too
so it's like we got we got a shitty girlfriend how much money yeah i mean everyone's got a price
but assuming that it's a reasonable amount like i don't know a few hundred dollars thousand dollars
whatever do you have a croc necklace now he's had it for a lot a while he's had it for a little
while crocs here just bought like a a child-sized croc and he wears it on his neck like it's a medallion.
They don't sell croc necklaces.
Yeah, no fucking kidding.
They don't sell croc necklaces
because who would wear that?
You are a gigantic asshole.
Have we introduced Joshy Crocs?
No, because he's wearing a Crocs medallion.
And no Crocs shoes.
He's wearing the Skechers again.
Crocs here.
All right, we got this intern,
Crocs for the summer. This is Crocs living the dream right now he's like yes my plan finally
yeah i finally so so he came to work the first day wearing crocs and i thought to myself this
is a move because you look ridiculous and i'm gonna find out whether this is like a shtick
or whether this guy just rocks crocs and i asked you about it you said i just like to wear Crocs. And I asked you about it, and you said, I just like to wear Crocs. And I respected that.
You just wear Crocs, huh?
You can speak.
What was the question?
All right.
So you wear Crocs.
And then once I observe you for a while, you wear Crocs every day.
I was like, all right.
You know what?
I think they're fucking gross.
But I do respect.
I have my own footwear preferences. A lot of people probably think the Jordans and
the Adidas and the shit that I wear looks stupid.
So I'm not going to judge. He has
his own footwear preferences. So
you know what? Natural nickname Crocs comes
out. Soon as I start calling you Crocs,
you stopped wearing Crocs.
Made me look like a buffoon.
Made me look foolish in front of my coworkers.
Caleb and Rowan pulled me aside like, what's up with Crocs?
He's wearing Skechers. It's like, well like well i don't know you switched up the whole program on
me it's the 10 croc commandments it's rule number two and now you're wearing a croc medallion which
yes all of this the 10 croc commandments the croc how long have you had that one ready yeah the 10
croc commandments yeah uh i can't even tell you how much I hate you
A while, I have it on my desk
What are the Ten Crock Amendments?
Rule number one
Gibbets are for the boys
I don't even know what that means, continue
Rule number two, crocs are for fancy events
They're not, rule number three
Rule number three, crocs are like condoms
Always wear two
Rule number four Rule number three, Crocs are like condoms. Always wear two.
Rule number four.
Rule number four, straps are for freshmen.
Five.
Straps are for GDIs.
That means number six.
What were we at?
Six?
Keep Croc talk to a minimum.
Seven.
First rule of Croc talk, don't talk.
Eight. Well, see, eight has been changed a few times there's been some revisions uh the you and the croc gang the committee uh let's see
what is eight right now get off get just go sit down go sit down go sit down okay thank you guys
um croc the croc medallion is just it's too far-fetched now i know it's a shtick it was
great when you just wore crocs i actually kind of respected it now i have so little respect for you
i can't even convey it with words um where were we okay so if you pay off if i if i thought that
i could call my friend and be like yo your girlfriend is a fucking bitch she's a terrible
person she's trying to change your life she's trying to ruin our what if your friends like 25 If I thought that I could call my friend and be like, yo, your girlfriend is a fucking bitch. She's a terrible person.
She's trying to change your life.
She's trying to ruin our – what if your friend is like 25 years?
You're trying to ruin like family almost with your money.
Like dump this girl.
And if I thought that he was going to be like, all right, yeah, good.
Fuck yeah.
I didn't know this.
Like I've been blinded.
You showed me the light.
I would accept that money and we would be out.
Like, you know, he's probably going to date her for like a couple more weeks or whatever. Just to make it seem normal.
And then you take that money and you run.
You go have a fucking blast with your boys.
If I thought that like, I don't know.
Actually, either way, I'm accepting the money.
Because if I can't convince my friend to stop dating that girl, guess what?
I'm not hanging out with that guy.
Like, I've said this many times before.
We get a million calls.
I don't like my boyfriend's friends.
I don't like my girlfriend's friends.
My girlfriend doesn't like my friends.
What do I do?
What's going to happen? Nothing. You can't do anything. What's going to happen is you're going to date that person. They're going to date whoever the
circumstances are. That relationship is going to continue until it doesn't. And then that person
will resume being friends with you. And it's kind of shitty. And I would love a perfect world where
everyone has a very perfect balance between romantic relationships and friendships. It just
doesn't happen. People get whipped. People fall in love, people prioritize sometimes correctly, sometimes incorrectly. You
don't have so many hours in a day. You lose that friend while they're dating. They eventually see
the error of their ways and they come back to you. And then guess what? You're going to find someone
and you're the asshole who disappeared for a while. And then you come back to the friend group.
And as friends, it's our job to just welcome you back into the mix.
I'm certainly I've certainly gone through it myself.
Bad breakups.
You come back and then, you know, you learn a little bit of the truth about what other people thought about your relationship.
And you realize that you were a dumb fucking asshole.
So if I if I realize that I can't convince my friend to stop spending his time with this vapid fucking empty barren bitch, then I don't want to,
then guess,
all right,
you guys go do your thing.
I'm going to take the money.
I'm going to get paid.
Me and my friends who are still cool
are going to go have a blast.
And then when you guys eventually dump,
when eventually you break up,
you come back to the friend group,
we could be friends again
and I'm going to tell you,
yeah,
I avoided you for 2,500 bucks that summer.
Is there a number
where you wouldn't be offended
if this eventually came out
and your friend was like, well, this is how much money I got?
$10,000?
I think it depends on, like, are you now talking to the guy again?
Like, did he disappear for, like, six months and then came back and was like,
I got $10,000.
But if you find out from, like, another friend, like, yeah,
John doesn't talk to you anymore because he
got he has like he has plans he cut you out of his life and he does not mind coming back he dumped
you that has to be a tremendous amount well it's also weird like right now it depends on where
you're at in life like i don't talk to my friends for months at a time now right so cutting me out
of your life it means like when i make my semi-annual call you don't answer and i don't
even notice but back when i was like living with buddies and we were hanging out all the time, if someone just like disappeared and like I was like when my friends were like family, like they did everything.
We did everything together.
They just were gone.
But also at that time, like 10 grand was a kind of a big deal.
You know what I mean?
So like that seems to be the number for this.
If this can be occurring, that number is probably 10 grand.
If we're talking older in life.
I don't know tens of thousands some of my friends have cut me out for fun for zero like for just being like i don't want to do this anymore but if i was like an adult and someone like 25 grand
maybe i wouldn't be offended i'm probably i have friends that i think don't like they weren't close
friends but i have people that i think talk to me less because they're...
Because of their girlfriend. No, because of my wife?
No, their girlfriend.
Because their girlfriend doesn't like Barstool.
Ooh, you get the runoff.
I mean, like, I suspect...
I suspect certain things.
I suspect certain things, too, yes. I think there's a lot of people.
I'm sure that's the case, yeah.
I mean, I could definitely see that.
But you're also at a point where you just don't care if it was like if you were younger and they were like your
best friends and they disappeared that would be fucked right so final answer if i was the guy now
that i know i'm dumping that girl that's a fucking low class shitty shitty move to do in a relationship
right and as for the guys i think boys will be
boys like i can't you know hey can't like the hustle man i'm trying to get that paper trying
to get that paper boy on that paper boy so uh i had some broke friends too that absolutely could
be bought for a very low amount for a very low when times are hard you know it's like good now
i don't have to pay for all the drinks at the bar. When we do hang out again, you can finally buy a round.
What's up, KFC?
This is John in North Carolina.
First time, long time.
So I've been having relations with this girl for probably like a month and a half, two months.
And the other night, we know, we got intimate.
And after we both decided we wanted to take a shower.
So we get in the shower together.
And I start doing my normal thing, you know, body wash, loofah.
And I watch as she goes to pick up the bar of soap in my shower, which is actually my ass soap.
I mean, you don't want to use the loofah on your ass and then wash the rest of your body with it.
So I just use that bar of soap for my ass.
And I washed it.
She put the whole thing on her body all over.
And now I'm like debating whether I should tell her about it or not,
because,
you know,
I kind of still want to sleep with her.
But I feel like that's probably a deal breaker.
All right.
I'm happy you brought this up.
Shower talk.
First of all, it is
noted science that a bar of soap
cannot get dirty. Can't get dirty.
You can put that bar of soap inside your asshole.
All it does is clean your ass.
And then the ass just disappears
off the soap. Bar of soap
cannot get dirty.
It propels the dirt.
Bars of soap, bathing suits, cannot get dirty.
They do not need to be washed.
Number two, there's nothing like when you are a young man
and you start dating a girl for the first time, being serious,
and you're going over her apartment and you're showering there.
A girl's shower is, it's just a delight.
It's just an experience.
They have the loofahs.
They have the body butter.
I remember when I started using Oil of Olay body butter.
Oh, the ribbons that came out of the fucking,
everything's pink and effervescent.
They got tools in there that scrub.
You peel off a layer of skin.
Everything feels hot and clean.
Showering in a girl's place is unbelievable.
When you're that age as a guy,
you have like a six-in-one body wash.
It's like you wash your face with this. You you wash your hair with this you wash your body with this
you brush your teeth with this like you clean your shoes with this definitely just like if all
you have left is conditioner you definitely just like rub conditioner on your body and say well
the problem i always had is i always ran out of conditioner before shampoo because jerking off
with the conditioner that always can't jerk off with the shampoo no we get that in there you're
dead i i i was like dishwasher detergent laundry detergent face wash body wash hair shampoo five in one uh so that's a huge upgrade i am also happy to
announce i have pinpointed a couple things the only good things about being a divorced single
dad that i have now taken back in my life are in the bathroom so number one is my toothpaste tube. Like I have proven it through experimental data.
I had a control.
I had the variable.
I went out and I was married.
And I lived with a girl.
And I had my toothpaste tube look like a murder scene.
And now I am alone.
And I proved to myself that it is, in fact, a female thing.
My toothpaste tube, I've been on the same one for like months.
And it is flawless. so that's great as clean as my toothpaste tube is my sink is just covered with stubble
i shave i clip my beard stubble goes everywhere and i just do not clean it up leave it there
and you know what i do i do a cup full and I just splash and try to wash some of it down.
And if that doesn't do it, then it just stays there.
And I just love my stubbly, whiskerful sink.
That just drives girls fucking crazy.
They hate it. Their hair can be all over the fucking place.
The clumps that they just stick on the wall of the shower, I don't know what that's about.
But the minute there's a couple whiskers on the sink they go ballistic i'm like look at the toothpaste tube
there's whiskers in the toothpaste tube because the toothpaste everywhere catching it like a
fucking fly trap so i have a stubble fold i bring the vacuum in and just vacuum your sink yeah
because i have to because you have to if you didn't have to if you didn't have to
don't get me wrong it looks kind of gross if i ever have a girl come over i'll like have to. If you didn't have to. If you didn't have to, you just leave it there. Don't get me wrong. It looks kind of gross.
If I ever have a girl come over, I'll have to clean it up.
You have to vacuum.
And I have this new thing, by the way.
I am team leave all my empty shower things on the floor.
Like when I, like a bottle of shampoo, I run out, I just throw it on the floor of the shower.
It's a graveyard.
In like the tub?
In the shower. Well, I don't have a tub. I have like the floor of the shower. It's a graveyard. In like the tub? In the shower.
Well, I don't have a tub.
I have like a stand-up shower.
So there's just like a empty, there's probably like five or six empty bottles of shampoo, conditioner, face wash.
Oh, that's weird.
All that shit.
Just bottles.
It's a graveyard.
Don't have to fucking worry about it.
But the bar of shampoo.
Definitely don't tell your girl you use my ass soap?
Because it's not real.
But if you tell someone it is, they're going to be like, what the fuck?
Well, you just have to shift your whole paradigm.
That's not real.
You don't have ass soap.
You don't have ass soap.
You just have soap.
That's soap.
You clean your fucking face with it.
You just have two bars of soap.
And you can change.
It seems weird.
I rub my armpits and my balls and my butt.
And I also don't rub the bar on my face.
I'll get the soap on my hands if I need to. I actually have
some apricot scrub if you want to be serious
about it. But I don't have ass soap
and neither do you. Last voicemail
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Last one, what do we got?
What's up, guys?
First time, long time.
We're just sitting in the tractor here,
and I was thinking about some things we did in high school.
So our senior prank, we put a...
We drug the porta potty out on the pitching mound of the baseball field.
Then we took a hose and stuck it in there and let it overflow all night.
And, yeah, came back the next day,
and the whole infield and halfway out into the outfield was full of just shit.
Got him.
What an asshole.
Wait, keep going.
I don't know what the fucking question is.
It's just, what have you done?
Shit water.
I mean, that is so fucking trash, man.
I hate pranks and shit like that.
Like, all that means is that probably like three or four custodians
had to clean up a field of shit.
Fuck you guys, man.
The senior pranks, I don't do that shit.
I don't like that shit.
But we did the classic, I think people released crickets or something in the hallway.
Our school was not great about that because we had a bunch of degenerates.
But they did some bad stuff.
Yeah, we did, I think, the ducks.
Yeah, one kid painted a duck
blue like that's just like animal abuse the like the eyes were like painted closed i think it
wasn't great the people uh i think i don't know if someone did this one or it was talked about
where you release like pigs labeled one two and four and so they think that there's a third one
missing there was there's a lot of animal animal life shit shit my class specifically like my best friends they put a toilet
outside the main doors
and they covered it in chocolate sauce
and they got in a lot of trouble
I thought the school overreacted
it's a crass poop joke
but they just bought a
toilet from Home Depot and put
Hershey syrup on it
I think we were paying for the sins of
classes prior
who were abusing animals
and shit like that.
I hate all that shit, man.
YouTube pranks,
like, oh, I just walked up
to someone and stepped
on their shoes.
Like, you're just a dick, dude.
And then it's a prank.
It's a prank.
Yeah, no.
You're gonna get your ass
You're an asshole on camera.
That's what it is.
It's not a prank.
There's no, like,
oh, wow, funny, you got me.
It's like, you deserve
to be punched in the face.
How about the office stuff? Like, I've never actually seen this happen i'd only see it on
youtube but like when they when you like fill a person's office with like balloons yeah cover
everything in uh post-its post-it notes yeah i mean nah i hate all that shit i mean that must
take i like so much effort to have that person walk in and be like okay i get it i like when
nba guys fill up
like the rookie's car with popcorn i like that one i like that one because usually it's like
we're also like buying you a lambo or something like that it's usually like you know a fun thing
too i i get a kick out of people open up a car door and popcorn falls out everything else go
fuck yourself in the office like dude we're all fucking miserable here that's probably why you're
doing this to try to just like grab a sliver of happiness but fuck you man like just do your job my roommate you want to entertain yourself like
just drink and like do drugs and have sex with people that's what that's what entertains people
in life my roommate's freshman year every now and then we just get really high and take all the
um furniture in the common room and like flip it upside down sure and walk in and i'd be like
every chair was upside down and then it was just like usually that's always like wait and i'd walk
in and they'd be like yeah yeah like like we get drunk then it was just like, but usually that's like weight and I'd walk in and they'd be like, ha ha.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like,
like we,
we get drunk and do dumb things.
I'm talking,
I just took a deck of 52 cards.
I just wet the cards and stuck them on the wall.
And it was like,
well,
you just ruined the wall.
Like we had to peel the prank.
Yeah.
I was like,
no,
you're just ruining things.
Like,
yeah.
A lot of times it's just like vandalism or like mild cases of abuse that
you're like,
it's a prank.
Like,
no,
you're just a dick.
What,
what do you get out of covering the baseball field in shit?
It's brutal when you think about, like, the custodians and the janitors.
It's like these poor fucking bastards are just, like, hanging out and, you know,
now they got to go clean up a whole thing of shit on, like, the last day of school.
Fuck you.
Fuck that.
Fuck pranks.
Give me a break.
Mitchell Tenpenny.
Mitchell Tenpenny on the show. So the Bruins
are in the cup, obviously.
And there are certain
signs when you know that, like, Boston
is just going to win. The first
being Riggs getting no-yeed by Dave Portnoy.
Shit's over. But
Lil Nas X was
performing Old Town Road
to the Bruins fans pre-game
like outside the TD Garden Bank,
whatever the fuck it's called.
And the place was just thumping.
And Lil Nas X was rocking the Bruins jersey.
And like nobody on the planet is hotter than him right now.
If there's a Drake curse,
there's a Lil Nas X blessing
where everything he touches turns to gold.
And so, I mean, he's hot on the charts.
He's hot on Twitter. And right mean he's hot on the charts he's hot on twitter and right now he's
hot for the bruins so i uh we sat down with mitchell tenpenny who is a up-and-coming country
music star in nashville and i asked him is lil nas x country music it's been a debate for a year
plus now old town road taking over the world and i wanted to hear it straight from the mouth of a nashville native a guy who's embedded in the country music scene and he had some interesting
thoughts that left his people his girl was here his publicist was here everybody was a little
taken aback by his answer so let's talk to richard mitchell tenpenny uh this interview is brought to
you by roan not the rapper rapper, not my coworker.
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mitchell tenpenny let's talk to him kfc radio featuring uh rising country music star sensation
mitchell tenpenny sensation that's hilarious You're up for CMTs now, right?
Breakthrough artist?
Yeah, that is actually crazy.
That falls into the classification of rising, I think.
Well, thank you.
Breakthrough artist of the year.
That name, by the way, it's a great name.
Tenpenny?
Oh, thanks, man.
Is it real?
Yeah, my dad gave it to us.
I feel like you run into so many people nowadays where it's just like a fake name
like luke's name is not real is it luke holmes it is real all right fuck it but but i mean it
a lot of times in country yeah it's you know pretty real unless everyone's kind of matching
up on the same name if you got like a bunch of luke's or a bunch of taylors john feidelberg
couldn't be a country shit name mitchell tan name. Mitchell Tampan. He can be.
Tampan.
That might be the most important part, bro.
I love it.
That and the talent, I suppose.
It's happening now.
Now, I feel like country music is one of the genres where there's the most debate about whether an artist is country.
Yeah, right.
Always.
Like, are you country?
Yeah.
So we're going to run through a few.
Lil Nas X, is he country?
No, he's definitely not country. No!
Controversy! Everyone's like, oh, shit!
What are you doing?
Yeah, Lil Nas X, beep!
Wait, just stupid favorite, say, fuck Lil Nas X.
Hey, I'm not gonna say fuck Lil Nas X, because I love what
he's doing, it just doesn't belong in the country
genre right now. Unless he wants to go do
all the stuff that you have to do. Even once drop billy ray on there god that made it less
country but you do respect this like no of course it's a massive song and dude all hell yeah for him
absolutely absolutely but there's a there's a process in anything you do in any business and
i just don't think that it should be taken away from other people who put their time in the country market
and country radio and country everything uh playlist is one thing so wait what do you say
do you mean his the way he makes his music his background no it doesn't matter i went and made
a country music star right now it would not be like authentic but if i can like play the instruments
and sing a song and it's a good song, would you?
Yeah.
Then you got to go out.
You got to go out and market it.
You got to go meet, make relationships around you.
There's just like in any other company or business, it's just something you got to do.
And so to put out people because you basically the song to me, and this might be more controversial.
It's a meme.
It's a meme with music.
I mean, I think he says that.
And it's brilliant. And that, and it's nothing against him.
But, like, to me, it's just, like, when you start crossing genres like that, it's just, like, I mean, what is fair?
But it's just it doesn't really make sense for the people that have put in their time and done that.
No, I can see that it's probably somewhere in between where it's like, you know, go do your thing, man.
But I'm also.
Yeah, of course.
I mean, go do it.
I mean, it's a huge success.
But now since that, you've seen a bunch of people who definitely have not put any time into the culture or the market or
the fans doing these same songs and just adding country lyrics talking about riding on a horse
or putting on cowboy boots or something that's just like then it's just going to taint the well
that's also some of the other like names here on the list are like you know the the running joke
is like ride ride a horse drink drink a beer, pretty girl.
Like, it's kind of a cookie cutter.
Yeah, of course, absolutely.
But a lot of the, I think the accepted country music is the same way, no?
No, no doubt, absolutely.
Yeah, there's definitely an entertainment part,
and there's what makes it country is the content you're talking about,
essentially.
I mean, we're all sampling the same sounds across the board.
We're all stealing each other's, you know, you buy a sample pack, and pop's using the same sample pack that country's using.
But the difference in the lyrics and the tone is what makes it, quote-unquote, country these days, I guess.
Is Taylor Swift country?
I mean, her music she's making right now, you—
Now she would say, no.
But even younger, I think she's not family country.
Yeah, of course.
She was telling stories.
What I always say country music is is is the storytelling i mean it's more of a
you know you're you're you can visualize the entire thing almost like watching a movie as
you go not saying that there aren't some pop songs to do that for the most part it's not
uh or rock songs you know it's kind of where it's up to your opinion of what that means
country kind of spells it out a little bit more for you and takes you back to, again, like presenting a movie
or a play in front of you.
You can see it as you're listening to the lyrics
more than just kind of throwing out random phrases or bragging.
You know what I'm saying?
That's kind of where country, to me, this day leans to
because obviously it's not about the production anymore
because country music today has a lot of pop production in it
or even some rock elements,
but it's more of what you're talking about. Now just had uh rehab just remixed uh drunk me yeah which
it's awesome thank you i mean rehabs like that like that's gonna be really fucking cool do you
think that's a way that country could go like i i was gonna say like i was gonna put it as like to
get more mainstream but i don't think you really can get more mainstream like country is massive
country is yeah it's not real i remember when when I was – I started liking country when I was, like, a sophomore in high school.
And I have a little more Massachusetts.
And even then it was kind of like, oh, you like country?
That's a weird thing for a kid from Massachusetts to like.
And now I feel like it's everywhere.
Everyone likes country now.
But do you think that's almost another way to, like, infiltrate another genre?
Although I guess that kind of comes back to what the Lil Nas X is saying.
I mean, they're your lyrics. It's story but of course it does it does take on a
different form of music yeah it does and i i mean i would say that the remix of re of drop me with
rehab is not country i mean it's not meant to be it's it's for a it's for a different genre it's
for a different thing it's it's for clubs it's to have your music played in clubs too i mean that's
always awesome when you walk into a bar and your song's going on and it can, it can,
you know,
it can expand the audience
and that's,
that's,
that's the ultimate goal
I guess in that.
But yeah,
I mean,
that was so cool
when we got that call
that maybe Rehab
could do that.
I was like,
fuck yeah.
That would be great.
Yeah.
I heard the first thing.
Jesus Christ.
And I guess Avicii
kind of did it
with a Zach Brown band.
Yeah,
Avicii's done it.
Yeah,
same thing.
I mean,
it's in a lot of these,
I mean,
Maren did it with Zedd and there's a couple other people that, you know, andici's done it. Yeah, same thing. And a lot of these, I mean, Maren did it with Zedd,
and there's a couple other people that, you know,
and Kane Brown just did it with Khaled or somebody.
I don't know.
Yeah, Khaled, sorry, yeah.
Not DJ Khaled, sorry.
That's tough for us.
Come on.
Those are so similar.
You guys got to get together.
DJ Khaled and Khaled, that's fine.
They're spelled the same, I think.
I don't know.
But anyway, yeah.
So it's cool when you get asked to do something like that
or somebody on the other across the board.
Well, I feel like that's usually the sign that you have something popping.
You know what I mean?
Well, yeah.
If it's reaching that guy and he wants to do something with it,
that means it's good for business, I'd imagine.
Amen.
Yeah, absolutely.
And that's how I think we all look at it.
Now, you just did Stagecoach, right?
Yeah.
That looks like a fun scene.
Maybe a month ago, yeah.
At the most.
What was that like?
It was awesome, man.
That was my first time to go out there.
Of course, I've seen videos and all my friends have gotten to play it.
And it just looks like a freaking party, dude.
And it is.
And then you get out there and it's just country fans.
I mean, literally country fans, diehard country fans who love the music.
And it's awesome.
The show is great.
People are cheering.
I mean, it's just that's the environment you want to play in every day.
When you're performing at such an environment, what's your level of partying on stage?
Yeah, I mean, as cliche as it is, you feed off that energy.
I mean, you do in any show.
And when they're ready, I mean, you just play better.
You sing better.
You play better.
You have more energy.
You run around.
There's just a whole thing that happens when the crowd in front of you is having...
No, no, no.
How drunk are you?
How drunk is I?
Party, party.
Oh, yeah.
I'd take an...
The energy's great, but how much are you drinking?
I drink on stage, so I probably had like three shots of that.
And then after that, I partied.
Because we were on the road.
We're out with Old Dominion right now.
We were on the road for a while.
Just wanted to be able to have a voice.
If I drink a lot, I can't sing.
So I only drank a little bit.
And then after that, yeah, we started chugging and made it all count.
I feel, I get maybe I'm wrong.
Maybe it's just because I've seen more country live shows.
But I feel like the country live show is where they're drinking on stage most of the time.
We had Jake Owen in here probably a month or so ago.
And I went and saw him do Soundcheck.
And I swear to God, that motherfucker had 12 drinks on stage.
He was up there for like two hours.
Yeah, Jake had a Soundcheck.
It was awesome.
But I was like, again, I don't go to many other genres of music on live shows, so it's probably kind of a skewed view.
But it is kind of the party music, at least for me.
Well, and I think it kind of allows – the country kind of allows itself to do that because we don't
have a lot of production going on behind us. We're not
dancing the whole time. It'd be hard for Ariana Grande
to hold a drink while she's doing
what she's doing.
But I mean, even Ed Sheeran will tell us something every now and then.
So like, with country, you're playing,
you got a band up there and you usually kind of cater to that.
I mean, Luke Holmes holds a cup in his hand pretty much the whole show.
So I mean, you turn around, and that's our
market. That's our genre. So it's more of a blue collar, you know, get home from work all day, have a drink.
And so we like to celebrate that.
Y'all just spent your hard-earned money on us.
Fuck yeah, let's drink together.
And it's like kind of one of those things that I can see why country does it a little bit more than everybody else.
Now, what's your favorite venue?
You talked about being on tour.
What's the best venue you've done?
Is it Stagecoach?
Yeah, probably Stagecoach so far. Stagecoach. Lakeshake was really awesome last year in Chicago. What's the best venue you've done? Is it Stagecoach? Yeah, probably Stagecoach so far.
Stagecoach.
Lakeshake was really awesome
last year in Chicago.
What's Lakeshake?
It's another festival
that Chicago does.
Festivals are just
the fucking way to go right now, right?
It's because that's your fan base.
It's like you bring in everybody
to one spot,
but Stagecoach for sure
was probably one of the most fun
and unique things
where it was just like
bigger than I thought it was.
Do you think it's,
obviously you like the bigger ones more. What do you think the better aspect of the most fun and unique things where it was just bigger than I thought it was. Do you think it's obviously you like the bigger ones
more? What do you think the better
aspect of the smaller venues is?
I love that. It's more personal. Again, we
played what The Mint up here?
Or no, what was it? Mercury. Yeah, Mercury Lounge
up here like a year ago or so.
It was a smaller venue
packed out, everyone singing. That was one of the
most fun I've ever had at a show.
That's my brother sitting over there.
He plays the bass with me.
And, like, dude, you just party during that.
It's just fun.
Like, they're right there in front of you.
You don't have the barricades or the, you know, the bouncers doing their job,
but sometimes a little too much power heavy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let people have fun.
Like, fucking jump around and shit.
When you're up here, is it like the same sort of vibe?
Yeah.
No, absolutely, yeah.
I mean, we're getting to play with Old Dominion tomorrow up here,
and I can't wait to see what that crowd's like.
New York City, you don't expect it to be a big country market,
but every time we've been here, it's diehard fans, man.
It's awesome.
It is crazy how big it is.
What do you attribute that to?
Why do you think it, first of all, popped,
and then second of all, why do you think it's lasted so much?
What took so long to make it pop, and then what was the pop?
Because like I was saying earlier, when I was a sophomore in high school,
people thought I was weird.
Yeah, I think social media is huge on it.
People get to see that they're not all hillbillies,
that we're not all just spitting into our cans and walking around in our overalls,
that we're pretty much like everybody else,
except we grew up in the South for the most part,
and we sing about kind of what we do on a day-to-day basis.
Now, speaking of grow up in the South, I have what may be a take here,
and you're from Nashville.
Yeah, born and raised.
I think Nashville jumped the shark.
Jumped the what?
Jumped the shark.
What does that mean?
It's just like—
It's gotten too popular.
It's too popular.
I totally agree.
You do?
Oh, absolutely.
I mean, you probably feel it more than anybody, right?
When it's your hometown.
I hate the – no one gave a shit about us growing up at all.
Like you didn't go to Nashville.
They didn't care.
We got the Titans in 90 – or we got the Predators in 98, Titans in 99,
and then from then on –
You got the Predators before the Titans?
Yeah, 98.
Is that right?
No, the Titans came, I guess, about the exact same time,
but they didn't have a stadium before.
And they were probably reluctant to bring you guys in there
because you guys already attended Tennessee, right?
They're probably like, we'll get overshadowed with the market.
Of course, especially with hockey.
They didn't think we could be a hockey town, and we became one.
I guess winning helps everything.
As always.
But, yeah, I mean, from then on, since then,
we started getting sports teams and started building, building, building. And then, yeah, I mean, from then on, since then, we started getting sports teams.
We started building, building, building.
And then, yeah, this whole infrastructure of new restaurants, the party scene,
downtown Broadway, which was like a bunch of strip clubs and just bars and stuff
that no one went to.
I don't know.
It just kind of exploded overnight.
Now it's just overcrowded and a bunch of people that feel entitled when they get to Nashville.
They belong here.
I mean, I feel like you have bandwagon fans.
In sports, that's usually a good thing.
Your team's winning, so you have more fans.
But when your favorite place is too crowded or the hole in the wall turns into a hotel or something, that directly sucks.
Every cool place in Nashville is pretty much gone now.
I mean, the bar that I drank under age at
is gone now
do you go out there
so do you still go out
I go out to like
if I'm home
I go at like
midtown
I don't go downtown anymore
in Broadway
which used to be
one of my favorite places
it's just too overcrowded
too many people
again my favorite bar
is gone now
I remember like
I can tell that
cuts you deep by the way
so my condolences
losing your favorite bar
fucking hurts
I got a picture of it
on my wall at my house.
Shit.
Whenever someone is like, yeah, my bachelor party is going to be down in Nashville, it's
like, oh, come on again, man.
We've been down there six times.
Yeah, I'm sure you have.
We're all different friends.
Let's go somewhere else.
It's weird to me that people want to go there for their bachelor and bachelor parties.
It's crazy.
I feel like I told people we were there anyway.
Did you see the chicks during the NFL draft?
Yeah.
That was unbelievable.
The woohoo girls and everything? Yeah. Those two girls had to be the biggest bitches on the planet. the NFL draft? Yeah. That was unbelievable. The Woohoo girls and everything?
Yeah.
Those two girls had to be the biggest bitches on the planet.
Oh, God, those.
Yeah, yeah, sorry.
Like, that was unbelievable.
Asking for, like, refunds and shit.
I love it.
But, I mean, yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
For some reason, it's sparking an entitlement that comes from I have no idea where.
Like, you just get to Nashville, and all of a sudden, you're a Nashvilleian.
You get to just.
You get a cowboy hat first. to just you get a cowboy hat first yeah you get a cowboy hat like there's a venue where i
like to drink that i played a lot coming up and they built a hotel or a apartment complex behind
it and then put an ordinance out and made them shut the place down like they were there first
it's music city you go somewhere directly behind it and then you start complaining about the music
being late at night fuck you that's i said it like i said it out on stage when i was playing we played an open stage thing called
whiskey jam and it was outdoors and i literally said on on like i screamed it out i said fuck you
guys yeah i said this is nashville it's music city if we are too loud fuck you because like
it just drives me you should just that should be your brand bro well i mean like mitchell tenpenny
saves nashville i can't man it's too far gone
and that's right when you said that it is but yeah it just it really irritates me man because
that's what we kind of built national on is being cool and being that oh no you know what you got
to do pick another town like right next door yeah right hype that one yeah here we go send
everybody there we'll go to memphis yeah that's just awesome this is the best it's like it's like
moving into a frat town and it'd be like oh the frats are too loud yeah they were here first this
is what fucking happens absolutely this is why you thought it was cool in the first place.
Now you're fucking making it miserable.
So don't do that.
I think that's the worst.
But speaking of drinking, we do birthday booze crew, which is like, take your birthday and
you get all of your, like, people who, celebrities who share your birthday.
And you get to pick, prefer one.
But, you know, you can get a little more if you
put together your biggest you know you the crew you want to run out on the town with we got yeah
you have a good one too i feel like they're just like there are so many celebrities now that they're
wow every birthday is like 10 awesome celebrities but this one august 17th yeah which is also by the
way my grandfather's birthday so if you'd like to take him you can do that he's on um he actually
probably would be a good choice if i know his family well enough hell yeah a little pump my grandfather's birthday. Oh, awesome. If you'd like to take him, you can do that. He's on. He actually probably
would be a good choice
if I know his family well enough.
Hell yeah.
Lil Pump.
Lil Pump.
I mean, Lil Pump
might bring Riley Reid with him.
Is that the crazy hair
rapper SoundCloud dude
that's in jail?
No, that's a...
But that's a...
Oh, that's another one.
That's a completely reasonable
mix up there.
Lil Pump's not in jail,
but he's basically
the same exact guy
and he fucks a porn star.
They had a very weird video where she was
smoking blunts from his toes.
I wouldn't choose him.
But I do kind of think if you have a
porn star smoking a blunt from your toes,
that on some strange level you've made it.
I think Lil Pump would be a blast
for 17 years.
It'd be a very cool thing for a video.
And then I'd be like, alright, we don't have to do this anymore.
I'm going to move on.
I might go out with De Niro.
Robert De Niro?
No, De Niro.
Come on, hell yeah.
Oh, that's awesome.
I'll share a birthday with De Niro.
De Niro, Donnie Wahlberg,
Sean Penn, Thierry Henry,
Larry Ellison,
which I think might be the big one.
Who's Larry Ellison?
Larry Ellison is the founder of Oracle.
Oh, so he's just got big money.
Yeah, he's the one who drinks out of everything.
Well, De Niro's got cake, too, though.
I'm sure De Niro's just fun.
But De Niro's rich.
He's not Larry Ellison rich.
Larry Ellison?
What are they going to do out of the town for their birthday?
Buy a fucking merger acquisition company?
The town is out of the world.
First of all, that would be fucking awesome.
Imagine just like midnight, Larry Ellison's like,
we've got to go do this.
You're in the boardroom.
We own this company now.
By the way, happy birthday.
You own this.
Davy Crockett and John Gruden also.
Oh, God.
Well, I love John Gruden.
Davy Crockett.
You love John Gruden?
Yeah, I love John Gruden.
I like Gruden as a commentator.
I don't think he should have come back.
I liked him as-
$100 million, I'll come back and burn him.
Yeah, I get it.
I get anything for $100 million.
Again, I get the business and all the hustle and go for it,
but I'm a Gruden fan.
I think he's a very smart guy.
The answer here is De Niro.
If we're picking one.
If I only get to pick one.
To go out with Bob De Niro.
You can take a couple if you want.
I would do Davy Crockett.
Yeah.
Davy Crockett.
I mean, people would just be turning their heads like,
what's going on?
Yeah.
I couldn't get a hat on.
I feel like De Niro's kind of losing it, too.
Just like his mind.
Not even like his cool factor.
He's pretty old now
I think he's just going crazy
Yeah
Fun scene
It's just part of life at that point
He's like mid 80s
Probably
He was the one
What was the story that just came out with him?
He was
He was doing coke with Belushi
The night Belushi died
Yeah
Him, Robin Williams
And Belushi
So you gotta be careful in your party
With De Niro
You gotta come up with good stories
Before Robin Williams passed
No before
The night Belushi died So way back I mean Bob will put you in your party stories before robin williams passed no before the night belushi died
so way back like you i mean bob will put you in your grave man be careful hey if you want to party
once uh last question is the big big uh debate on the internet today you wash your legs in the
shower oh wash my legs in the shower this is so funny uh because literally last night I did because I thought I'd wash my legs. What a pussy this guy is.
Because the hotel had shampoo, conditioner, and soap.
And I said, I'm going to use all three for the right reasons.
Normally I just have like an all-in-one body wash and wash my hair, face, you know, get the chest, armpits.
I let gravity do its thing, man.
Yeah, that's so funny you said that because last night I literally was like, I'm going to wash my legs.
I feel like it's been a minute.
It's fucking dangerous washing your legs.
I fall over for fuck's sake.
Get my foot all soapy and put that on a porcelain can?
Yeah, I just feel like it all runs down from the head normally.
Gravity, it takes care of it, man.
But I've been putting on sunscreen lately and I was like, ah, shit, I'll wash my legs.
It was actually, I forgot, it was Taylor Swift on Ellen yesterday that started this whole debate.
Of course.
Because Taylor Swift was asked that.
And she said, well, I shave my legs, so yes.
And Ellen was like, what does that mean?
And she's like, well, I put shaving cream on them, so that's what cleans them.
I don't think that's what cleans them.
I mean, if you're taking a razor to the top layer of your fucking leg, I think it's pretty clean.
I guess.
But as a guy who doesn't wash his legs, I'm going to give her.
She does more to her legs
Than I do
So
Just takes off a layer
Of epidermis
I don't wash my skin
Actually
I just take it off
And get rid of it
I'm done with it
I just throw it
In my whole body
Every time
Yeah
We appreciate you
Coming through man
Of course
Thank you
Take a new album
Telling all my secrets
And I'll call you later
Yeah
I'll call you later
Thank you
I actually just got it now
You just got it I read it I haven't said it out loud Yeah I'll call you later. Yeah. I'll call you later. Thank you. Yeah. I actually just got it now. You just got it.
I read it.
I haven't said it out loud.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll call you now.
Exactly.
Love it.
Thank you guys so much.
Appreciate it.
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You know, the Lil Nas X thing is interesting because part of me gets it.
Like if someone came along and was just like doing like a total gimmicky podcast or something,
I'd be like, ah, I don't know.
We used to just try to be relatable and try to be funny.
And this guy doesn't do any of that, but he's successful.
It would kind of bug me.
But at the same time, I'm always like, don't hate the player, man.
Yeah.
I mean, you get protective of this.
Mitchell did that in a good way.
He was just like, yeah, this guy's admitted that it's a meme.
So it is what it is.
Let's be honest about it.
But he's not hating on it. He's like get you go get yours but right you know part of
like the genre yeah a little bit like like i'm never gonna be like the craft of podcasting but
i i can i can understand on our level like what i think is good and what i think is bad who i think
is a good host who i think can talk who i think an interviewer just broke all those rules were
kind of made a joke of it but it was successful it's like i don't know okay yeah no i actually i i think of it that way as almost like complimentary like at first i was
like is serial a podcast because it's like research intensive yeah and and like they were it's like a
little documentary it's not conversational i thought a podcast is conversational and they
were like it was like an audio documentary right and you want to call a podcast like that's fine
so it's like you know splitting hairs but i And you want to call it a podcast? Like, that's fine. So it's like, you know, splitting hairs.
But I thought of it that way, in a complimentary way.
If you're trying to be negative, and I don't think Mitchell Tenpenny was.
Like, I think he was trying to say, like, I just don't.
I think there's something, too, that country is about, like,
it's not about, like, the sound of music.
It's about the culture of it.
You know what I mean?
Like, I can grab a guitar and, like, well, I can't do any of this,
but, like, if I could just play, like, some twangy guitar
and, like, sing about girls and beer or sing about, like, you know, my dead grandpappy or some shit, that's, like, country. But it's like, no, you don't do any of this, but if I could just play some twangy guitar and sing about girls and beer or sing about my dead grandpappy or some shit, that's like country.
But it's like, no, you don't live it.
You're not in it.
Lil Nas X is like a – he lives the internet, actually.
I don't even call him a rapper either.
I don't know what he is.
He's an internet troll in a good way.
He's like, I'm just out here trolling, man.
If you follow him on the internet, all he's doing is just clowning.
He's awesome.
He doesn't give a fuck.
He's making fun of himself.
He's making fun of his label. He label making fun of haters like he gets it so but there's been plenty of
like rock remixes or you know like country remixes of songs that i don't think you you think like oh
now they are in free music yeah you're a country artist it's just like you made a song that sounds
like the other type of music in the genre so shout shout out to him. And I mean, shout out to the Blues fans.
That was over before it started, man.
That was tough.
I was pulling for the Blues,
but once I saw the noogie and the team dissension with the Blues
and four unanswered goals from the Bruins,
you can run from it, you can hide from it,
but destiny awaits.
When's the line?
Destiny arrives.
Destiny arrives.
Portnoy and Bostonoston is coming and uh
there's nothing you can do to stop it so just sit there and take your noogie literally that sucks
because it's like i think we all felt it coming we were like i was i was i was like gonna give
the celtics a chance too because i was like the only thing is it has to happen so close like the
nba finals and the nhl is happening concurrently but if like there was some space between
and the Bruins won and I would be
like there's there's a good chance that just
the magic takes over yep and they
and the Celtics win but it's
gonna be tough when we all saw it coming and we're just like well they're
gonna win three in a row and you have
to be a Blues fan who's like on the train
tracks right now like trains coming through
yeah like I feel bad that they're like the sacrificial
lamb yeah it's like you know I'd rather just not even make it than be the the victim of boston's
three out of four you know it's like god i still don't think that that's getting enough credit
like i don't think that anybody's like making that big crazy how little is being talked about
like it's even it's still historic even by boston standards i don't think they've done three out of
four have they i don't think so i know they've actually i don't think they've done three out of four, have they? I don't think so. I don't think they've ever done two reverse,
kind of like a wraparound.
Like it was the Bruins into the Patriots.
Right.
It depends on which season it falls in.
This is like three current seasons.
Right.
A wraparound is still like two in a row, in a sense,
but it resets every year.
Like three out of four is fucking crazy fuck that
fights he's on the road
I don't know when he'll
be back but you'll hear
him one of these
episodes fuck them all