KFC Radio - More Fire: Most Embarrassing Moments on the Internet (and best of CCK feating Coley and Marty Mush)

Episode Date: March 11, 2019

KFC, Kayce and Feits breakdown their most embarrassing online moments. From Tila Tequila to Hamilton Island to accidentally texting your crush, what are your most embarrassing moments? Best of CCK includes Coley joining to discussing wrestling YP and Feits, calling Odell Beckham ODB instead of OBJ, what the Patriots need to do to get ODB and if the Alex Caruso video was real. Marty Mush joins to discuss evolution and fiber glass.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. The CCK Podcast this week is brought to you by Thursday Boots. Lion. It comes in like a lion, March. It's a motherfucking lion right now. You need yourself a nice pair of warm boots. We're not into that warm weather yet. There's plenty of time to still get your boots on, whether you want to get yourself a nice brown leather pair. And boots also vary nice into spring.

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You don't deserve to wear them. Don't buy them. No. You probably need to just wear Velcro shoes or something like that. You're going to slip on a pair of Crocs because you, sir, are an idiot. We're all idiots. We're all dumb.

We've all had our dumb moments here on the World Wide Web. The example from this week was maybe the funniest I've seen in a long time. There was a hipster who tried to sue a company. I think it was Gizmodo, maybe someone put out an article about how all hipsters look the same, how they want to be nonconformist. And in the end, they all end up conforming to look exactly the same. So this guy thought that they used a picture of him and it turned out it wasn't even him so in an article talking all about how all hipsters look the same he got angry and tried to sue for illegal use of

their picture and they said that's not actually you dude that's another hipster that just looks like you because you all fucking look the same has to be one of the worst egg on your face internet moments i've ever seen they wrote they wrote the guy an email and said we don't think this is you and he wrote back oh yeah I guess you're right it's not he had to have been high when he first sent the email like did you come back and be like oh I guess you're right so yeah that's the

almost the only I still not gonna let him off the hook no but it's the only viable answer if he was just like oh yeah I was fucking stoned to shit we made mistakes drunk before by the way i'm on the podcast today not not jared well it's it's the best of this week and jared wasn't here all week and you were so fights is in jared's out a little rude at this point do we really need to do we really need to you're like i said it's kfcc's. A lot of C's, a lot of K's.

So today we're talking most embarrassing internet moments. It's hard to remember them because I usually just like black them out. Just like that didn't happen. Nope. Never happened. Obviously, I have my actual embarrassing moment, but we're not even talking about that. We're talking about the dumb, like idiotic things you do on the internet where especially when you're putting out tweets and blogs that are intended to be like hey look at this i thought about this i've given this a thought i'm trying to be funny and i press send or i press publish and it's just like how could

you ever possibly think that i mean i've been duped by like fake accounts i've definitely been duped by that yeah that's i mean that. I've definitely been duped by that, yeah. I mean, that's stupid for sure. But I feel like those are almost like designed to get you. You know what I mean? Like a fake viral video where they're doing a... Yeah. Or yeah, you get excited to like run with a story and you realize it's not real or like a full... Oh, it happened to me last night.

But again, this one wasn't really my fault. It was a Boston radio show tweeted out that gronk was selling his boston apartment and i i wrote that it's not a big deal but it turns out that it wasn't his apartment anyways his brother's apartment so it was like it was like a listing as gronkowski but i was like i also other gronkowski's other than rob right i embedded their tweets so they're the real assholes so it's reported by they even started with like breaking. Right. They were fucking around.

Like Trump just got arrested. A Gronkowski selling an apartment. Yeah. But I also. That's not. It's not like that egg on your face is like, oh, wow. It's just like, oh, all right. I thought it was one thing.

It's another. Yeah. Like even if you get duped by the fake NFL accounts, like somebody said something stupid in a press conference, like I don't actually get embarrassed by that. It's like, oh, damn. Shouldn't have done that. That's a stupid like, you know a internet like badge of honor sort of thing where it's like ah you gotta you can't get got but i'm talking about moments where you

are like a stupid person you know not just like oh i got duped by a photoshop or a clickbait article like my brain stopped working for a moment i was i have i had a uh i think it was during swine flu or one of those outbreaks, and I had this idea that if you leave the country, it was when I was doing my X's all over the world, and I said if you leave the country, you should have to, before you come back, you have to stop somewhere and detox. You have to do a layover, and then before you come back in, make sure you're all clean.

And I was like, so I don't know. Like, where can you stop? And then I opened up a map, and I found an island in the middle of the fucking Atlantic Ocean. And I was like, I didn't even know there was an island out there. And I had the map I had open had capitals listed instead of the actual place. And I was like, this place works perfectly. If you're coming back from Europe, it's right there in the middle. You have to go to Hamilton Island and detox before you come back to America. And people were like, that's Bermuda.

That's a little island called Bermuda, dude. Casey laughed too hard. She didn't know what I was talking about. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. What are you talking about? She was like, oh, it was Bermuda! Are you kidding me?

I knew where it was going to fight us. But the fact that he... I wrote a whole thing and I said it many times. Get the fuck off this podcast. I wrote it down so many times. What are you doing, weirdo?

Oh, that burns that burns that burns hot fights is a full-blown bully today did it work is this the right you know you take you take it you take a pen and you rub it real fast and then the tip is like sizzling at least a brand shit at least a brand motherfucker you got issues man big time i i wrote that blog and i was like you got to go to hamilton island and ham Island's going to have all these things in place. And then when you leave Hamilton Island, you're Hamilton Island. And then I think I even did a PS where I was like, how come nobody knows about this island? I've never even heard of Hamilton Island.

Like, why don't we go there? Fucking Bermuda, you moron. That was definitely the dumbest thing I've ever done. How fast did people – I mean, was it immediate? It was absolutely immediate. Did you take it down? No, it was so blatant and egregious that I just, I think I added like another PS and I was like, I never said geography was my strong suit.

I don't know. I definitely, I either acknowledged it on Twitter or I went back into the blog and acknowledged it. It was, it was staggeringly stupid. It was almost so, I prefer to be that dumb. I laughed at it. I was so dumb. I was able to, to laugh like, well, I get to enjoy this as much as you morons do. The problem is

there is a Hamilton Island. Yes, that's exactly what happened. But it's in Australia. Right. That's exactly what I did. I was like, Hamilton Island. And it was like, yeah, Hamilton Island is a small island. I just didn't click on it. I just read the Google headline. So I was like, yeah, sure, Hamilton Island. You can laugh at it. I think it was Aaron

Andrews during Hurricane Sandy that she saw a picture of, is it the day after tomorrow where the Statue of Liberty is like, and she tweeted out how bad it was and she got crushed. That's really bad. And she ended up owning it. She ended up coming out and just being like, shit, I got caught on this one. That is like the ocean is swallowing the Statue of Liberty.

That means there would be like a 100 foot tall wave in the middle of Manhattan. No, Death is Tomorrow is just, it's broken. So it's just the head is floating. That's pretty bad too. The details could be wrong on like what movie it was, but it's the scene where, or something, where the Statue of Liberty is. Yeah, I mean, I think that's the cover art.

That is great. That's the poster for Death is Tomorrow. I'm going to, yeah. I feel like those are the things you have to run with, though, because what's your... I mean, that's like the shark every time there's a hurricane. Like, look at the high, look what's on the highway. Yes, yes.

The shark's driving all the cars. Every single highway that goes by. I mean, every single hurricane that goes by. I just Googled Aaron Andrews Day After Tomorrow, and the headline is, David Ortiz tweeted pic from Day After Tomorrow, and Aaron Andrews bought it. What was her exact tweet?

Wait, David Ortiz was kidding? Or was David Ortiz tricked, too? Oh exact tweet? David Ortiz was kidding? Or was David Ortiz tricked too? Oh, I guess David Ortiz was tricked too. But see, that's a lot more understandable. You know, David Ortiz said God take over this and Aaron Andrews put wow. That's tough. That's just a couple of idiots.

That's tough. That's just like, oh, you're a pro athlete and I'm a pretty girl and we're dumb together. And you click on the tweet it says this page does not exist yeah of course naturally

but you have to own that yeah that was that was probably the dumbest that I can really remember I don't remember that when was that when was RK-Sandy what 2014

oh 12 that's the movies too 2012 I don't know probably around there somewhere around there yeah 2012 bad years I mean I've said a lot of dumb

things on the internet but when you ask me like what the most embarrassing thing is it always comes to mind is stuff to do with aim like back in the day when you like first start using your computer because i mean i've written down i didn't even think of that i was only thinking about my blogging career i've definitely had moments yeah my blogging career has been pristine, so I was having a hard time. But yeah, AIM, I could blog on. What did you do on AIM? So I used, first of all, back in like seventh and eighth grade, the lyrics that you used to put, I don't know, those were more of a girl thing. Which cringeworthy away message are you talking about?

Oh, I was the queen of cringeworthy away messages, but they were always like subtweets. Whatever the version of subtweet was on AIM, it was like, I wasn't going to put your name, but I was damn sure going to find like the cringiest. And I, the one that comes to mind. You knew it was going to be you. You knew aim it was like i wasn't gonna put your name but i was damn sure gonna find like the cringiest and i'm the one that comes to mind you knew who was it about oh yeah uh the tequila tequila song no no just stop don't even i mean i'm not gonna remember the lyric i don't even know the song but the fact that you put up a tequila lyric oh you remember the song what is it i ain't trying't Trying to Fuck Your Man. What? You've never heard that song? How old were you when AIM was out?

Yeah, that sounds like something that I was like 25 for. I Ain't Trying to Fuck Your Man? Was it even going to be on Spotify? When I think of AIM, I was like in sixth grade. So you know what? That might have been like Facebook. Because I don't think that song came out until I was in like late high school, college. It could be wrong.

That's just the one I'm thinking. But I mean Avril Lavigne. Also, I call it AIM. I don't know. I'm just calling it I'm thinking. But I mean, Avril Lavigne. Also, I call it AIM. I don't know. I'm just calling it AIM to fit in. Oh, that's so annoying. Yeah, it's AIM. You should just fit in.

You should just absolutely. You should say it correctly to fit in. Yeah, that's a good idea. Avril Lavigne and like. I mean, it's an accurate. It's AIM. It's AIM. What's it called?

A-O-L-I-N-G-E-M. It's the trashiest song of all time. But like seventh and eighth grade AIM was like Avril Lavigne, Ashley Simpson, or again, Lil Wayne. I've loved him forever. It's like ratchet ass. Right, right. Yeah. But I would just put these just cringe worthy lyrics on there.

It's the worst song of all time, Kevin. I don't even know. Is this it? Oh, yeah. I'm having PTSD so bad. So what? Some girl thought you were trying to hook up with her boyfriend and you put this up? I can't look at mine.

I think I'm crying. Am I crying. I think I'm crying. Am I crying? I think I'm crying. He's crying. Oh my God, he's crying. JC, you made me cry. This made Weidelberg cry. This is so embarrassing. Weidelberg began to cry.

This is the most embarrassing thing I've ever witnessed in my life, and I'm crying. I'm crying for you. I'm crying. I ain't trying to fuck your man. Everyone just knows he's my number one fan wow i i have no words you should just not even tell you crying at work you should just not even tell you i wasn't laughing crying i was just crying i i feel so much better about hamilton island right now that doesn't even begin to register you You know what's so sad? I'm crying too.

We're both crying. What's so sad is that when you brought this topic up for this, that didn't immediately come to mind. It came to mind while I was talking. Like that's how I buried it. I buried it so deep in my mind. It's so embarrassing that I was just like, Oh my God, that's great stuff.

Well, I know what the blog's going to be about on Monday. Is this on camera? I used to put up very hardcore rap lyrics and shit like that where I just look like an idiot, but Teal and Tequila,

I ain't trying to fuck your man. What year did that come out? She's trying to fuck Christina Rose, that's why. Yeah, right? I've seen the video. I ain't trying to fuck your man. What year did that come out? She's trying to fuck Christina Rose. That's why. Yeah, right? I've seen the video. I've seen it. Whatever year that came out, that had to be later high school.

But early on, AIM, I mean, nothing's obviously going to beat that. To be completely honest, that might have been a MySpace thing or Facebook. I don't even know. really hope so to be honest Tequila fuck you man 2006 so that's like

college no I was a sophomore in high school for me it's college no junior in high school depending on when I graduated 07 that could be AIM though but the early AIM days yeah that could be AIM what was your AIM, though. But the early AIM days? Yeah, that could be AIM. What was your AIM name? It was Fights 10.

It was, at first, when I was in junior high school, it was Puckett69. And then I sent an email to my uncle, who then informed my father that my screen name was Puckett69. And it got changed pretty quick. What was yours? Fights 10. author that my screen name was Puckett69 and it got changed pretty quick. My original one was Kdogs with a Z 96 was it? Whatever year? 98? Whatever year? I think it was

Clance333 or something like that by the time it was on AIM. What was yours? No, I had Funneled. Yes. If you didn't have XX in your AIM screen name, you were shit. XOXO or Bucks. Don't even fucking send me an AIM message unless it starts with XX.

I'm like, bitch, not interested. Just not interested. My first one in junior high was Funnel Cakes Z456. Why? Because I loved going to Six Flags and eating fucking Funnel Cakes. Are you fucking kidding me? No. junior high was funnel cakes. The four or five, six. Why? Cause I loved going to six flags and eating fucking funnel cakes. Are you fucking kidding me? This is the most embarrassing internet.

And then I did. I really funnel cakes has to be the ugliest girl move of all time. Why? Cause I like to eat cakes. Like deep fried dough. Yeah. You were white trash. Shit.

Like love six flags and funnel cakes. Well, that's the sad thing. That's the saddest part is not only was I not fat, like people called me Macy for emaciated because I was so skinny. And I was going to private school living on a golf course. So I wasn't white trash or fat. But like, don't get me wrong. But you just wanted to, you were just catfishing the internet. I feel like, oh, I'm some white trash fat bitch, I bet cakes she's gonna go ride the superman she looks like this malnourished

like private school white privileged girl wearing literally plaid skirts to school every day that was me funnel cakes why i ate funnel cakes you're so creative No wonder you got a job in content. What's my favorite food? Funnel cakes. Then I really wised up in high school and went Hoops QT 10.

Yeah, that plays. 10 was my jersey number and then it was Hoops QT 10. Okay. Yeah. I'd have sex with that. I'm not having sex with funnel cakes. I mean, listen, junior high was rough for me. Rough.

Well, yeah. Your fucking name was funnel cakes. And then at school, you earned that. You earned that. You made it happen. They would make fun of me for everything. Remember the old joke that was like, if you turn the side and stick your tongue out, you look like a zipper because you're so flat.

I get it. Got that one a lot. Got that one a lot. Or your front looks like your back. Got that a lot. What's it? You're a pirate's dream come true. A sunken chest.

Never heard that one, but I'm sure it was thrown at me sometimes. I was just crying in the corner. I had a real rough junior high. Just crying in the corner eating funnel cakes while they're like, you don't have any tits! You know what? You got a funnel cake in one hand and a fucking dial-up computer. I ain't trying to fuck you, man. Everyone knows he's my number one fan.

Shut up! No tits! Of course I'm not trying to fuck you. You're ugly. Yeah. That's the best. The only thing that happened to me, I'd be like, this is like. You got a tough act to follow here.

I feel like I'm an Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm like, oh, no. I just had a hangover. You did what? Never mind. I'm good. I'm out of here. I don't have a problem at all. If you guys want a beer, I'll be at the bar.

I'm good. No, I just fell for one of those things. Someone sent me, like, put your three crushes in here, and we'll tell you if you're compatible. And I put them in. I'll be honest, that's them in and it sends it to them and it was like it was like one of those things I was like

unplugging wires like no no no that's like you just smash your fucking computer with a bat I'm gonna pour water on it that makes me want to cry too it was awful waking up the next day and going to school was the bravest thing I've ever done

oh man shout out to the troops I cried too. That's awful. Waking up the next day and going to school was the bravest thing I've ever done in my entire life. Oh, man. Yeah. Probably the bravest thing I've done in history. Shout out to Troops, but did you guys ever walk to school knowing that your three crushes you sit next to knew that you had a crush on them? Did any of them say anything to you?

No, but I hooked up with one much later. Oh, well, it worked out. So probably the groundwork there. She pity fucked me seven years later. Yeah, in a port-a-potty of breakfast. Call backs. lay the groundwork there. She pity fucked me seven years later. In a port-a-potty it break this. Callbacks. That was a callback.

Nailed it. Also true. That is, boy, this was, this was a better segment than I ever envisioned. I mean,

I made fights cry. Funnel cakes. Funnel cakes. Funnel cakes, tequila, tequila. With a Z, four, five, six. Make sure you add those numbers. Funnel cakes with a Z. 456. Make sure you add those numbers. Not 123.

Not at 789. 456. 46.5 pounds. Yes. All right. Let's get to the rest of the best of this week. It's brought to you by Simply Safe. Studies show that security systems deter burglars.

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Get free shipping and a 60-day money-back guarantee. Get a home security that I trust at simplisafe.com slash KFC Radio. Thanks, Dad. I trust it. Simply safe.com slash KFC radio. Thanks dad. All right. We're back here in hour two of CCK. I'm going to dress up. I'm going to be out of breath for about another week.

What just happened? I tried to get a water, and I had to wrestle YP and Colby to get it. That's why when you asked for water, I just said no. Right before I could read the ad, I was like, can you go grab me a water? Because Daniella was in here, and then it just became, I just didn't go get myself a water. And they were like, you have to read this Postmates ad read. And then you said, just no. No. Flat out, no. I'm not going go get myself a water and they were like you have to read this postmates ad read and then you said just no like no flat out no i'm not going to get you a water until at least 2021 i'm done i when we were in atlanta i know yp was like trying to ask you

pay you to wrestle you wrestle right like one night when we were all drinking wine and watching like some movie he was like come wrestle me downstairs you're like no fuck you and then i started thinking i was like is he just looking to wrestle all day every day yeah well we wrestle every day here and it was just that night in particular i was just like i was a little wine drunk i think we had like three bottles between the two of us i was not in a wrestling mood but yeah so but usually i'll wrestle yp at some point usually i'll wrestle coley at some point but they both happen to be guarding the water and i actually they were guarding me exiting from getting my water so guarding me getting back to radio and they were

like you gotta wrestle to get through so i had to wrestle both of them and it was there you go and fights is gonna be out of breath until 2021 no i can wrestle yet in 2021 i'll have my breath back within a week don't worry about it a week um yeah i don't i don't know why guys like to wrestle still at this age i don't think like you're talking about a very specific group of guys well it's the one that i'm around every single day largely speaking i think most most guys don't like to wrestle anymore. But I don't know. Koli's fun to wrestle because Koli's just so big.

Right? Well, I would make it seem not fun to me. As a person, as a wrestling partner, Koli is akin to a Boston University class that's challenging you. Oh. I see what you did there. It's a little fun to climb the tree,

see what you got. I see what you did there. And then Y the tree see what you got i see what you did there and then yp is fun just because like i don't know like we both used to play hockey and it's that's a very i don't know you just like fucking wrestle and grab each other and i don't know fuck around i guess it's probably i guess a lot of sports do it but i feel like hockey kind of has more of that yeah because it just like the fights in hockey are just yeah no but i'm not talking about on the ice i'm talking about like locker room stuff like i think i feel like why is that i don't know hockey guys are weird i guess you probably don't know that because you're not from places that played hockey i mean they play it i just didn't care about it they played hockey in

texas the dallas stars no i mean high school like oh oh no yeah so like they played like soccer right do they play soccer where they also play hockey up here like where it's the one sport that they that you guys don't have that we have uh we have a lot of sports like you know what i'm saying like if you play soccer here it's a fall right but it's like what so we just don't have an extra sport like where why don't you guys play lacrosse we have lacrosse we have lacrosse yeah okay tennis sport of the future tennis yes huh whatever continue um no i would not know that hockey guys like to wrestle we Do you guys play lacrosse? We have lacrosse. We have lacrosse, yeah. Oh, okay. Tennis? Support of the future. Tennis, yes. Huh.

Whatever. Continue. No, I would not know that hockey guys like to wrestle. They had, like, roller rink hockey. Does that count? No, certainly doesn't. It was just like a thing. I know it doesn't, but I really wanted to see the disgust on your face. I really wanted to offend you with that.

In, like, the Northeast, it's just a thing. Like, every, I went to two high schools, but, like, every high school, it's always, like, the hockey guys are just weird. just think we're weird well if i'm going off the hockey guys in this office i'd have to agree with that like the stereotype fits yeah it fits but who do you ever wrestle kevin that would be weird i don't want to break them kevin's got two kids i can't kill him did you see kevin? Like Kevin, Kevin, he'll tell you himself. He's put together with strings, super glue. He can't,

Kevin can't wrestle. You can't. Yeah, no, I don't think he can. I'll tell you what, recently I have been noticing a little more, more fire out of it.

He'll come over and be like, it's not like a wrestling BYP or me and Coley have, but like, he'll come over, he'll throw a shoulder into me or something like that. Maybe it'll get there one day for you. I'll come into the radio room and you guys will just be fucking wrestling i'm leaving i'm leaving there was one day you walked out of this and you just like

like fucking uh king leonidas from 300 the back of my chair like you just like kicked my chair i was like what are you like sorry i'm feeling feisty i was like what the fuck is wrong with you coley what are you so coley yeah coley just popped in here. I don't know. Are you staring him down? Where's Kevin? He's gone. It's just been me and fights, talking about body dysmorphia. I thought you just told him, oh, so that's how I got brought up? No, but that was a bad thing

for me to bring up right now. He brought you up because of wrestling. When I got back in here, Casey was like, oh, can you get me a water too? And I said, no. I literally just said, no You want me to cross the Atlantic again? No, I just said that, thank you very much

But he said that wrestling you is a challenge because of how big you are We went through a whole thing of why he likes to wrestle Can you prepare me to a class at BU? Well, because we see this as getting deep What happened was earlier in the program, Casey was talking about how she had spoken at BU last night. And there was a class of 50 students that challenged her. And they didn't give her softball questions. They weren't like, we love barstool.

And she enjoyed that because of the challenge. I said, that's what wrestling is like. It was a callback. OK, yeah. Classic callback. Yeah, no, me and John. I don't know why. We probably, I think we both just grew up very similarly.

And it was like, it wasn't like a decided thing just very early on. I think it was like when we first moved to the office, too, it was much more empty. Yeah. It was like, there's a lot of space here. We could do a lot. We could do a lot with this. It's like stepbrothers. There's so much room for activities.

So we just started, like, fighting. And there was one time he almost like actually choked me out. Because. How close were you passing out? Very. Because when I started tapping, he thought I was like fighting back, which was very insulting. So I wasn't tapping very hard. And he was like, he's doing this stupid fucking fat baby giggle that he has.

Fat baby giggle. And I was just like, all right. Oh, it is a fat baby giggle. And I was just like, all right. Oh, it is a fat baby giggle. I've never thought of it that way. You came up. It looked like you were dying. I was. I had very little oxygen getting to my brain or the rest of my body.

It was a very troublesome predicament to be caught in. He was laughing. I don't blame him. We just get caught in those situations frequently. Very early on, too. Like, I picked him up, and I don't think you had been picked up probably since you were like eight. And you were just like, oh, all right. You were like, I'm fighting a tree here.

He actually called, he was like, he said you were like climbing a tree earlier. Yeah. I don't hate that. It's a big, big old tree. People like trees. People do like people chain themselves to trees much like the statue they also they also cut them down a lot too pretty frequently i ask why guys still like to wrestle and he said he doesn't think that that's a thing he thinks it's just a small sector and i said well i happen to see it in the office that

i work in every single day because you see me and him and yp yeah yeah yp tries to tries to steal john from me very upset me to go around usually the two of you against one no this is the first time for that yeah this time i don't know he yesterday he was very mean to me and i haven't forgotten and i have what did i do yeah well i wouldn't what did he do uh gaz got a new jersey and he was he was telling me i could fit into it and he was like fights couldn't and fights took it as gas calling him fatter than me and so he was like coley's a giant fat sack of shit now of course i could fit into anything he could fit in and i was like no he was saying it was too large for him and john was like i'll wear that one i was wrong uh i felt insulted i laughed out and then on the rundown even we're trying to talk about the Celtics,

the team people watch and care about, and he forces the Bruins into the conversation. We were talking about the Celtics. Well, I hadn't spoken in five minutes. I had to say something. I was like, Boston Bruins! Again, guys are just the fact that you wrestle each other, you get physical, and then you argue, and it's like, well, whatever.

It's just normal. Can you imagine if one day Ellie walked in and I was like, I'm a restless bitch? Yeah. Oh, I can imagine it. I'm imagining it right now. John, we took the sexual harassment for a reason, pal.

I said I'm imagining a wrestling match. You took it bad. I was literally imagining Casey chokeslamming Ellie. That'd be very funny. Who says Ellie doesn't win that? I don't know. She's from Chicago.

She's so teeny tiny. Well, like, what if just, like, nobody even blinks an eye when you guys do this anymore. Like, you'd, like, run into shit. Like, seriously, like, what if. Oh, Glennie got worried today. Oh, Glennie got so scared. Did you guys, like, get into space or something? No, he was, like, run into shit. Like, seriously, like, what if... Oh, Glennie got worried today. Oh, Glennie got so scared. Did you guys, like, get into space or something?

No, he was, like, moving fast behind him and he almost jumped out of his chair. Poor Glennie. Glennie takes a lot of ricochet shots that I just, like,

was unaware of. Like, after the Robert Kraft-Robin Tug thing, like, he just got thrown right into that. That was the hardest I've laughed here in some time. It was really, really funny.

That Helen Keller tweet, those two things laugh harder than anything in this building in decades. Um, Coley, what do you think about, uh, Tom Brady tampering with OBJ? I think he's not doing enough of it.

I think I agree. This needs to be a full fledged like attack. I think what they need to happen, what needs to happen is Casey, you know what we're talking about? The listeners know what we're talking about. Uh, I're talking about uh i know brady brady posted a picture of a bunch of the new aston martins uh on instagram and cockiest caption ever i'm gonna need a bigger garage which is incredible i think brendan's head just popped back like jesus christ

i love it um but a lot of nfl players were like yo, hook me up, hook me up, need one. And I think OBJ said, like, something along those lines with a big sheesh afterwards. He said, like, waiting for mine, too, or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Brady replied, come to Foxborough and take one for a test drive. And I think Belichick's already, he's already in the shop right now building it. Like a big box, just like acne written on the side. Yeah, it just showed up.

It's just going to be held up with a stick over an Aston Martin, like free test drives. OBJ is going to get in there, pull the string, trap him in the Aston Martin, Belichick on the horn to the Giants, like he's ours now. Yeah, we already got him. And the Giants are like, fair. Can you throw us a seventh round pick back, please?

I want to get ahead of this before we do eventually acquire him. I will not be calling him. I made this statement long ago as someone who has to post all of his highlights for our account. I will not be calling him OBJ. I won't do it. ODB flows so much better out of the mouth. I agreed with that four years ago, but now it's OBJ. It's OBJ.

I don't care i do not care odb does not flow better than obj it does because i was born with odb yeah but now it's been changed it's been changed it was when when he broke in it was it was like why are we calling obj it doesn't make sense it's odb and now and even in my mind it's like since odell beckham like those are the letters that you hit first. Jay, I mean, his father, probably a swell fella. I don't know anything about him other than that one picture of him and Shaq that just got posted. I didn't see that.

Yeah, no, it's weird. It was from like 1991 or two. Did you see it? I did. One of those like timeless athlete accounts. And it was Odell's dad. It was Odell's dad and Shaq talking to two nice young women on LSU's campus. A, the picture's in black and white.

It was like 1991. Like, color photography very much existed. Very much so, yeah. And B. Video photography in color, actually. All of it. We had all of it. Yeah.

And B, the quote or the tagline that accompanied this picture was like, guess which one's Shaq? Shaq's perhaps the most recognizable human being who's ever walked the earth that couldn't have been a serious capture probably not but it's still like it's like what the fuck are we doing which one is Shaq I was like I don't know like and Odell senior is like standing on like a curb too and he's still much shorter at ODB is what the original thing yeah but I feel like now if you say ODB, there are going to be people that are like Why are you calling him that? Oh, they've been doing that since the very beginning

Well, right, but I'm saying like now Because it is so mainstream to say OBJ I'm not going to let it go down that quickly I didn't lose I refused to lose Pepe the Frog memes To the right And I refused to lose ODB To the mainstream media That's the hill you're going to die on.

The lying fake news media of which you two are represented. You're holding on. Tweet the meme right now. Tweet Pepe the Frog right now. I see a couple of them. No, there's still instances where he loses the sheet of cookies. That one kills me every time. That one's good.

He just walked in on his wife and his neighbor. I need you to blog like, blog this. Pepe the Frog? Especially after yesterday. We're taking it back. Yeah, we're taking it back. Well, we just posted a Jersey Day picture, because Jersey Day is back.

I know everyone was waiting for that. Clamoring for it, as a matter of fact. And because Gaz got a new Brady jersey. It's a very fire jersey. And he's throwing up six in it, but he's doing it with the three, and one of the threes is below his waist, which is the white power symbol.

That's not true, right? But it is. Yeah, like it started as like a... People are actually saying that, though? People are replying to YP's tweet with that. Oh, Jesus Christ. So it's like... I gotta go look at this.

It's gotta be below the waist? I don't know that, but I think because it's not like... I don't know how else you'd hold up six. You do a four and a two. Like, that doesn't look natural. That doesn't, like... Five and a. Like, that doesn't look natural. Five and a one.

Even that doesn't look great. No, the five and a one is more natural but doesn't look as cool. Yeah, no. These are throwing up two threes. And in Boston, and I guess this doesn't help the racism side of it, but in Boston, we've been throwing up threes in pictures since pictures were invented. That's just what we do. It doesn't help the racism side.

It does not, John. I understand that. Yeah, it does not john yeah it does not but but it's i would not i would not look at this picture like maybe we can retweet it from the barstool radio account but i don't look at this picture and think like he's being a racist call me crazy i just don't i no of course i don't but my brain works but like my brain wouldn't even go. Like, I would not have even looked at that and thought that. No. But, I mean, this is something we've all realized. You can't post any picture here without people finding even the most minute detail about it.

It's also fair. I got nervous today posting a picture of Rhea's wrap that she has no clue how to eat. I don't know if you knew that. Rhea does not eat wraps. Why are you just judging the way people eat? No, she was way off on this. Yeah, I mean. John's on the right.

What was she doing? Look at this wrap. So was she eating it like a, like, I can't even picture how to eat a wrap wrong. Yeah, because you can't picture that happening, can you? Have you ever seen like a dog

rip apart a pillow? She did that on purpose? Oh, yeah. No, that's just like she doesn't know how to eat them. It just like happens. She knows how to eat a fucking wrap. She did that on purpose? Oh, yeah. No, that's just like she doesn't know how to eat them. It just, like, happens. She knows how to eat a fucking wrap.

She said herself, she's like, I don't really know how to eat wraps. They always just fall apart on me. I said, it looks like she, like, opened it

and instead of even picking it up, she started punching it. I mean, yeah, if every wrap she's eating is exploding like that, that happens to be a problem. Yeah, no, that's just

having no clue how to finagle that. Her and Hank, just a dangerous couple to go to dinner with. Hank's got to eat his subs from the top. Like a harmonica. When you said she eats her wraps wrong, that's what I pictured, was that she was eating it on the side like that. Corn on the cob.

Yeah. Like eating a burrito just from the side. So Kevin just texted us that he's coming back. I don't know if he's coming back, but he also, he's been hanging out at Large all day, which leads me to believe that he's not going to be in the best shape of all time. We talked about this on Barstool Radio the other day. Barstool Radio, I mean, Barstool Breakfast.

They are not long for this earth. I don't know. I think it's kind of like if they stop, then they're done. Okay. But if they keep it going, they like if they stop, then they're done. Okay. But if they keep it going, they're just in perpetuity. They're good. Is that how that works? I'm in a Wall Street guy from when Wall Street was really Wall Street.

I think they're fine. This is what they're built for. Yeah, they've been doing this for 20 years. They've been training for this radio show. They don't even know that it happens. It's just you guys sitting in the room drinking at 7 a.m. Yeah, it may be the best thing we have going here, honestly. Because every time I wake up, I see their clips.

They're living it up. They are. They're living the dream. They're having the absolute best time. I mean, just so you come in, you never know what liquor bottle is going to be left in here. And you're like, damn, it's like a Wednesday. And they're on the air before most of us get out of bed. Correct.

Definitely before I get out of bed. Yeah. 7 a.m.? Yeah. 7 a.m.? Yeah. 7 a.m.? That's a good point. I haven't woken up at 7 a.m. intentionally probably since high school. Yeah, other than, like, if you have to, like, make a flight or something. You probably aren't waking up for that either, though.

No, I mean, if I get a 7 a.m. flight, that's a stay up through. Okay. You're a big push it back guy too. What do you mean? More trains. I haven't flown with you. But trains, you're just like. Well, the trains are very easy.

Amtrak, it's three minutes. I'm like, yeah, this ain't going to happen today. What's next week looking like? I live here now. Yeah. But Kevin, what was Kevin doing with Large? Behind the blog. Just drinking.

Behind the blog. That will be the next behind the blog episode. That's a big one. I'm not sure when it will be out, but. So zero chance that they weren't drinking, doing it behind the blog. I would if I had to guess. And by guess, I mean I looked at Kevin's Twitter profile and he tweeted pictures of them drinking martinis. They sure did.

So I'm going to guess they were drinking. So who knows what he's going to be doing when he gets in here. Who knows? Before we get a break, Coley, I know we just talked about Tom Brady, but do you think that ODB, OBJ, whatever you're going to call him, do you think he's going to end up being a Patriot? I want it so bad. But isn't it frustrating?

Just don't tease me with this stuff. Every single offseason, the Patriots are attached to a marquee wide receiver. We usually get them. No, I mean like fucking Larry Fitzgerald, Metatron, shit like that. Huge names. We were attached to Josh Gordon forever. That happened. We got Randy Moss.

We've brought in plenty of people who we've been long attached to. And there were reports earlier this offseason that we did actively try and trade for him last year. Right. And then he what? He signed a new like $90 million deal or something? That was before last season. And all of like the bonuses and stuff were already paid to him. So he's actually on like a very reasonable deal. I think it was like Doug Keed from Nessun blogged like how like financially reasonable it is for the Patriots.

So why wouldn't they? Right. And I don't know why. Like, I don't know why the Giants would trade him, but I could see Belichick being able to pull it off. The Brown stuff, I'm not sure I buy other than like it. Anytime it's like the reuniting of teammates or the coming home, like Kevin Durant to the Wizards, like that never happens. Why would that happen? He just wants to play with Jarvis Landry overplaying

with Tom Brady. That doesn't make any sense. That makes no sense. That would make no sense at all. I can see him. He watched Baker. Saw what Baker's got. Wants to be part of bringing it back to Cleveland. Also probably wants a ring though.

He's got the contract right now. You know what I mean? he can't like play for incentives there yet so it's like why wouldn't he want to just play with tom for like the next three and then he can go to cleveland get a ring in new england maybe a couple yeah right when baker's figured out probably get a couple yeah probably get a couple then then head on over to shithole cleveland and and try to win a ring there yeah Yeah. With Baker Mayfield. That'd be electric. I'm completely fine with that plan. Yeah. When Tom's done, I'm probably out on

football anyway. Once Tom retires, you can go do whatever the fuck you want. What would you give up for him? I don't know. Wide receivers are so weird. They are. The market for wide receivers. Antonio Brown, he might fetch you a third.

That's all NFL trades. Even this Josh Rosen stuff, it's like, hey, we might be able to trade him. We might not. We might have to cut him. I would severely overpay. So what? I'd give up two firsts. You'd give up two firsts?

I think a lot of teams would for him. We get our first taken from us. We usually don't have first round picks. So why not? What happens if we give a first? Let's just say it's one. We give next year's first for Odell Beckham. And then Roger Goodell does something unheard of

and punishes the team for owner's transgressions. And they take our next first. What happens with that first? Do we just totally fleece the Giants? Sorry, we didn't even have one. That's a good question. I think the league is ready for that. They're not like, oh, wait a minute, we forgot to check.

Hoodwinked again, bitch! Classic Belichick. I just don't hate the whole idea of that, though. Just like, pull the trade now and they're like, oh shit, sorry, we don't have any of this. We got a sale back in for free. We trapped them in an Aston Martin, gave you a first round pick that we don't have.

Thank you very much. What can you do? I don't think, there's no way they're actually going to take a first round pick, though, right? Who do you mean? The league? Because of Robert Kraft? I wouldn't say no way. way they're actually going to take a first round pick, though, right? What do you mean? Like the league? Because of Robert Kraft? I wouldn't say no way. I wouldn't say no way.

I would be shocked. And we might have to get the Brady four back together or something like that. Is that? I mean, the precedent's been set by Jim Irsay. You don't punish the team for your own. Precedent doesn't like. There was precedent set with Deflategate, though. And the NFL doesn't give a shit about precedent just saying there have been precedents that have

been broken i also don't like the precedent argument because what happened at the very first one like if there was no precedent but they did something then clearly precedent doesn't matter like the first transgression that doesn't have anything that you could see before it, how did they come up with that punishment? I don't know. He just broke my brain. Yeah, you really broke my brain there too. But you're right. To be honest, I don't even know if it's a broken brain or if I'm just not following you. No, I followed it. But I understand

what you're saying. It's kind of like a high thought. It's like, well, where did it come from? I'm so bad with high thoughts. That was a really high thought. Not that you're really high, but you know what I mean. That was a high thought. I don't think you're high. I don't follow high thoughts at all. When Marty was in here talking about his high thoughts, I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about.

Marty had some fantastic. Marty talking about his sober thoughts is a wild thing. Marty cannot get over how words are made. No, he sure can't. Singular and plural. What you just said about who set the precedence for the first president, he would be like, I have no fucking clue what you're talking about. I could tell you weren't following. He would just have a broken brain.

He might have an aneurysm and drop dead. He'd be like, please stop talking. Please stop talking. But if Odell Beckham ends up in New England, not bad. I feel like it's a great trade, too, because my favorite thing would happen happen and it would make half the patriot the smart half like very happy and the other half be like oh we got this diva here wow how are we gonna how are we gonna deal with this guy he just he doesn't even know how to play football they're out there hugging nets who hugs nets i don't get it he's been yelling on the sideline tom never yells on

the sideline and then there's also gonna be well there is a difference like that was for sure but you're doing that you're doing the same thing now i am i do genuinely believe there's a difference i'm not saying odell camp but i hate when comparisons like they just did it with gronk we're like if that was odell beckham like people would be screaming about it on top of the empire state building like yeah it's very different when odell beckham goes on a boat trip during his bye week before a playoff game and when gronk does it after winning the Super Bowl. Those two entirely different things. People who are comparing that can't actually believe that's similar. They can't. I don't know.

That's because the whole thing was like when Tony Romo did it in like 07 with Jessica Simpson. Went to Mexico. Went to Mexico. Everybody gave him shit because they ended up losing that next playoff game. The Giants ended up losing the next playoff game. The Patriots just won the Super Bowl. He's not allowed to go on vacation. He also might retire too. Yeah, that's true. He's not allowed to go on vacation. He can't go on vacation after winning the Super Bowl. He also might retire, too.

Yeah, that's true. He might be a guy who doesn't play football. He might be a guy just on vacation in Mexico. Yeah, that's very possible. That's very on the table. Oh, if Odell Beckham retires and goes on vacation, I'll tell you, people, you never hear the end of it. If it was like in the middle of his career, people would be pissed. It'd be like Ricky Williams all over again.

Right. It's like, this guy's throwing away his career. Living in the middle of the, what, was he, like, living in a tent? In Australia, yeah. I think it was a yurt. The phone lines are lining up right now. 833-85, still people wanting to talk about Odell to the Patriots. We've got Nick in Florida.

Nick, what's up? Hey, what's going on, guys? Nothing much. I'm a Giants fan, but I absolutely hate any Brady and OBJ a lot of people in the media were comparing you know they're firing on the sidelines they're yelling I think that's the dumbest comparison of all time Brady has earned that right OBJ is just I'm sick of them if they can get two firsts, take it. Is that the only thing that you'd be okay with trading him for?

No, I also think we could rebuild the Browns offer I like. Gettleman likes the big linemen. So getting a guard and a D-end and two picks. I mean, two firsts, you take that deal no matter what. The second, I don't know that could be a pick in the 50s or 60s next year so who knows thanks for the call i mean i feel like it's weird to hear i mean i understand why giant fans would be sick of him but then they're like well we're sick of him but we're not gonna like we don't want to ship him off for just anything, which I guess makes sense. But it's just like, he's so good.

Yeah. I can't imagine being sick of him. I really can't. I mean, I guess if you're just. He's great. I have visions of him and Josh Gordon, for some reason, being reinstated into the league. You see Gordon? Oh, I did.

That's why I have visions of it. Josh. Josh, he boy's been working out of the TV 12 Sports Center. No, he hasn't. He hasn't? No, that was in Florida. He was wearing Tom Brady stuff. Oh. So that was a false report that's a false report okay either way brady sent him like a bunch of shirts and he's been wearing those like he's still very

much in contact with the whole organization and the whole organization's been paying for like all of his rehab and stuff right i actually don't know what the league is going to do with him. I mean, what can't – I mean, obviously they'd have to reinstate him, but how many times can you reinstate somebody? But my thing is I still don't think he was suspended this time for using a banned substance. I think he was suspended for missing, like, a therapy session. Because if it was for a banned substance, we would have heard about that by now.

It would have come out immediately. Like, what it was. It was violating terms. Right right they violated his terms so i've he either was like late to a meeting or he was he skipped his therapy yeah if you fucking ruin a guy's life for that that's what i mean that's it's like he's very clearly been trying yeah how has that information not already come out that's what i'm saying that's why i don't think it was something serious because it's like randy gregory got suspended what a couple weeks ago at this point like again but they immediately came out and said Gregory got suspended, what, a couple weeks ago at this point? Like, again, but they

immediately came out and said he got suspended for failing another drug test. Right. And with Josh Gordon, who's the face of failing drug tests, they would have said that. They wouldn't have said violating terms of his probation. Like, do you think... Like, I hate Roger Goodell. You're the legitimate devil. If you...

How old's Gordon now? He's like 28. He's still super young. I was going to say 25. I don't think he's that young, but he's still young. I'm so bad at ages. I feel like everybody... I feel like he's 27. That's crazy.

So if you ruin a 27-year-old who's trying, you can see he's trying. If you're not good enough, you missed a meeting one time, fuck you, bro. Right. Like, he's training with an Olympic sprinter right now in Florida, and during the Super Bowl he was watching from, like, a rehab facility. Like, he's been putting in the work.

Right. So it's just like, I don't. I mean, the whole thing is so crazy just with Josh Gordon. I mean, it was weed. Right. The whole time it was fucking a substance that is legal in many states now. Just legal. You can just go buy it at a store.

And you fucking are going to ruin his life. I don't want to speak to addiction and stuff like that, but I would imagine a setback like that is what sends you back into a hole. Definitely. So you're going to banish someone like that because he missed a fucking meeting

if that's what happened? Do you think if he failed a drug test, because I feel the same way about weed. When Randy Gregory got suspended a couple weeks ago, I went back on my tirade about weed, but at the end of the day, there's that whole crowd out there that's like, well, it's still a rule.

Well, no shit. It's a stupid rule, but it is a rule. What if he did fail another drug test? Do you still feel the same way? Yes, because it's weed. If he failed for crack or something like that, I would feel differently, but yes, if you failed a drug test for weed, the NHL doesn't even test for weed.

None of the other sports do. No sports do. Doesn't the NBA do one in the offseason? No, because we would be guys, most of the I'd be playing. Most of the league would be suspended. I don't smoke anymore. People just have that attachment. I haven't smoked in like a year and a half. Oh, I didn't know that. A year and a half? true. I don't smoke anymore. People just, I just have that attachment. I haven't smoked in like a year and a half.

Oh, I didn't know that. A year and a half? Yeah. You haven't smoked since I've known you? No. Damn. No, and you got me weed for Christmas. I didn't have the heart to tell you.

I didn't know that. Yeah, I just don't smoke anymore. Well, where's the weed? I just gave it back to Mikey, I think. Damn. Nice little economy there. I feel very sad that I didn't know that and I got you weed for Christmas Mikey, I think. Damn. Nice little economy there. I feel very sad that I didn't know that and I got you weed for Christmas.

It was a swell gift. Damn. I appreciated it. Fuck. I just knew I wasn't going to vote. Well, if I get you for Secret Santa next year, I won't get you weed. Good rule. Time changes quickly. I could be back on the weed.

Oh, okay. All right. Well, then we'll reevaluate come December. You'll talk to me between now and then. Yeah. Well, I'm going to write a note on my desk. Well, we won't.valuate come December. You'll talk to me between now and then. Yeah. Well, I'm going to write a note on my desk. Well, we won't. Coley, weed, no.

Ask December the 20th. We'll still be in this office. We're kidding. Definitely. Like, no question. We'll still be in it. But I didn't. The fact that the NFL still goes to war with people who smoke weed just is like they do a lot of dumb things that's the

dumbest it's the dumbest it's up there it's for sure up there i don't understand i don't get it like maybe they're not making any money off weed yet no but still i what i like whatever i can go down that whole rabbit hole but with can you imagine if if josh gordon gets reinstated and can stay in new england and they get Odell Beckham. The look on your face just says everything right now. Tom wouldn't even have to be able to throw that well. No. He'd just have both of them.

Pretty good. They'd be all right. I feel like they'd be all right. I still think in the back of Belichick's mind he wants 19-0. I feel like every coach should want 19-0, but it's actually attainable for some. Yeah. I think that still bothers him. I want to be the undefeated guy yeah well i mean what else does he have to do i mean he keeps stacking up rings he's so good at planning for the future but at some point he's gonna go like yeah fuck the future fuck fuck whoever takes this franchise over when

i'm gone i don't give a shit i want 19 no no i don't give a fuck about the salary cap i'll give everyone backloaded deals like yeah yeah come play for us for three million this year you get 20 million in 2022 yeah yeah i don't hate it i don't hate it at all well it was not like the broncos can you backload deals i thought it was a hockey thing i don't or i mean hockey would front load him like ilia kovalchuk like when he had his like fucking it's like one million for the last like 10 years i think it's like 700 000 yeah those deals are hilarious to read uh i don't know i don't know enough about the nhl's changed that nfl contract structures i know like the yankees and the phillies just did stuff like that for like the nova and no not nova

the aaron nola and the uh severino deals like they did it so that it was less after the new CBA came out or something like that. So I think they front loaded them, but I don't know. I know the NBA, it's like, you can really only do like, you can only go up.

You can't do it in reverse. So I don't know what football is. That's crazy. You should be able to go down because towards the end of the contract, you're probably not playing as well. If you're, if it's like your last contract, you'd think it would seem to be fair,

but you make less money then because you're not going to be as talented when you're 36. Right. I feel like the NFL definitely, there's something in place where they can't front load because the NFL just seems like that seems like something that they would just like not want to happen. Well, it's like weird because the NFL, I think the way they skirt that is with the guaranteed money and the signing bonus because i i just saw the eagles today uh restructured two of their guys deals and gave it to someone all it's like a bonus and they're only making like a base salary of like 900 000 or something crazy like that and it's like that doesn't apply to their cap because it was a bonus why did everyone just do that like we have we we don't even reach the floor because that's what brady is brady's like a million dollar base right and it works it works well i think his is

going up soon and he'll probably restructure it again. Restructure it, yeah. Because that's just what he did. I feel like he's only signed one contract here and it just keeps getting restructured. So we just keep pushing it back. 2001, just keep it going. You'll get a big payday someday. It's been working.

Probably in 15 years when it comes out that you own 5% of the Patriots. I hope it's more than that. It should be more than that. Definitely should be more than that. It should be more than that. Definitely should be more than that. Koli, I know you've been probably talking about this on the Yak, but LeBron, the fuck is going on? Heard of him. I've heard of him, yeah. The Alex Caruso video, did you see that?

The one the ringer put out? Yeah. So I thought that was just hilarious. They could have done it for the whole team, honestly. It just shows, like, he just doesn't care at all to be in L.A. No, I mean, it's like if you showed someone, like, five years ago, like whenever he was in Miami last six years ago, a video of, like, him hugging Rondo after passing Jordan

and they're both in Lakers jerseys, this is indeed the darkest timeline. It really is. It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense. And you've got kids coming up and like introducing themselves to him in the same jerseys. Yeah. My name's Alex.

Like that would be, yeah, he definitely does not know who Alex Caruso is. Most people don't know who Alex Caruso is. You know where he went to school though. I don't know who Alex Caruso is. You shouldn't. You for sure shouldn't. Who is he? He's like the 14th man on the Lakers.

Oh yeah. But there's a, there was a. He looks like he'd work on the 14th man on the lakers oh yeah but there's a there was he looks like he'd work on the second floor here yeah you know where he went to school though i'm guessing it's texas a&m that's the only guy that's basketball powerhouse yeah right just killing it no the only reason that we're talking about this so basically when lebron passed mj was it last night was that last night or two nights ago last night i feel like my days are all running together um there's a video alex is mic'd up, and everybody's hugging LeBron, like congratulating him, and he walks up and he hugs him, and he's like, hey, man, my name's Alex, and then just like walks away. Casey, I hate to be the one to break this to you.

What? That was a fake video. No, it wasn't. The ringer. You notice the ringer was the only people who put that out? Alex put it out. He quote tweeted the ringers. Why would they mic up alex

caruso uh-oh damn you know i thought that it doesn't seem like you did no i did but i also didn't want to be the asshole that was like it was a funny video the ringer did a funny i so i was on a plane when i saw it last night and i thought okay why would out first of all why would alex caruso be mic'd up but then i'm like what alex caruso is like he's funny and you're right there's no i can't anyone else everyone knows that okay that was a very blonde go Damn. But to be fair, he probably also did that in real life. I probably used to do it every day.

Yeah. LeBron throws a bikini. He's like parking over there. He's like, I'm your teammate. If that was any other player other than LeBron, I would have been like, why did that happen?

But you see like where he like doesn't know anybody ever. So that made sense to me. Like that, that says more than me actually thinking it was a real video, which I will wear. I was wrong. I didn't want to break it. No, I like you breaking it to me like that that says more than me actually thinking it was a real video which i will wear i was wrong i didn't want to break it no i like you breaking it to me but the sad thing is like i legitimately think something like that would happen again it probably does daily he's like yeah i'll have sushi today this must be the team chef there's no way that's an nba player

damn i feel bamboozled that's tough i don't i don't know if you can feel bamboozled. That's tough. I don't know if you can feel bamboozled there. No, I do. I do. I understand you do. I'm not sure you're allowed to. No, if it was any other player other than LeBron, that just didn't happen. But you see these things all the time where it's like

he just doesn't give a fuck about anybody. No. And how would he know who Alex Caruso is? How would anybody know but me? Only because he went to A&M. Yeah. I me only because he went to a&m yeah well i didn't know he went to a&m i know he's plays basketball and he's apparently a very funny fella he also plays for the los angeles lakers yeah professional that's a fact pretty good i don't know if i can come back from this one today that was a tough one that was tough change the

subject quick what's on your mind now i'm thinking about just how the fact that I just got hoodwinked. I'm actually wanting to finish my Poke Bowl because I haven't been able to eat it in front of you because you ridicule me. Game of Thrones. How's that going? I just, I'm so bamboozled right now. It's going well. I'm in season three. So I'm plowing through it.

When did you start? Saturday night. Okay. So yeah, you are. I have no option option i absolutely have to be caught up when clem and everyone was like this is the perfect way to do it a lot of people were just like meh i'll figure it out now you're stuck because march madness is coming is barreling right towards two weeks it's like an old math equation with trains on the same track for unknown reasons

did you see that picture the other day that was didn't even think about that. That was like the Game of Thrones, the new trailer, season eight. And it was someone brightened it because it was all so dark. Very dark. This must be a fake picture. I'm going to call you. I'm going to not get cases here. Fuck you. I'm going to tell you it has to be.

It has to be fake. But it was like one of the top pictures on Reddit. And it was like I brightened the Game of Thrones trailer. And I, you can see who Arya is running from. Stop. No, no,

no. It's like, it's the design. Don't do it. Don't give me spoilers. Did you not watch the trailer? No. Okay.

But this isn't like a spoiler. Like, like if you're on season three, you're good. And it's, it looks like it's Barbara Baratheon behind her. Like it very clearly looks like Barbara Baratheon. So it'd be like a flashon behind her. Like, it very clearly looks like Barbara Baratheon. So it would be, like, a flashback?

No, because, like, she's her age. Right. And it's, like, it's very clearly him. But, like, it must be. Photoshop, maybe? It's got to be Photoshop because she wouldn't even. Like, maybe she's in the Many-Faced Gods house or something like that. I was going to say Many-Faced Gods are at play.

Yeah. But, like, she wouldn't even know who he is she's never met him no but he was a terrifying creature yes he was yeah if he's chasing you you're running from him no matter what yeah most people chase me it's not like uncle bobby who the fuck is that guy could be very yeah a very troublesome predicament yeah i can see why you'd run from that yeah i that's i mean probably photoshopped but at the same time like until what april the 14th all the conspiracy theories are going to start coming out yeah no i i saw the the tweet that was going decently viral yesterday or it was just like if this was all just one long like from when the dream brandon fell or brand fell in episode one and he just wakes up in the last episode. Like, you guys won't believe the fucking nightmare I just had.

No way. I think, remember like the Sopranos reaction when their last episode happened? This would be much worse. Because you're going to have people like actually filming themselves this time too. It's going to be like the Saints fan who like beat the shit out of his TV. Do you think, without sending specific names, do you think it's a happy ending or a sad ending? If it's a happy ending, I'll be irate. Yeah, I want

sad ending, for sure. I don't even know if I want sad. I think I want realistic in the sense where I just think, and this isn't a spoiler, but I think Cersei should just keep ruling. That would be what would happen in the real world. That's kind of a spoiler. That's not.

Well, because, well, I know she's alive still. Right. You think Cersei's alive and not in power? You got another thing coming. No, I thought maybe she died, is what I'm saying. She might. She's alive in all of our worlds. She knows she's alive. She's doing

press and everything for the show. Oh, well. No, I don't know alive. Well, right. She's doing press and everything for the show. Oh, well. No, I didn't know. Like, I don't know. Because the characters, they feel like. Like, I loved Lord Stark. I was like, he's going to be in this forever. Fucking first season.

I got rid of him real quick. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I don't know who's, like, disposable for the next four or five seasons. Just saying. Yeah, no, it's hard to discuss with weirdos like you. Yeah, it is difficult to discuss. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Did you see fucking hard to discuss with weirdos like you yeah it is difficult to discuss yeah that's why

and I did you see fucking George R. Martin today though no I didn't happen upon him he says he should have finished the books earlier no

no fucking shit pal he's like I wish I should I wish I finished them earlier looking back so uh so like the the TV show didn't get ahead of me. Yeah.

Literally everyone knows that. We've been saying it for six years, you fucking idiot. George R.R. Martin said I should have finished the books earlier. It's me being like, I should have done a sit-up or two. Yeah. Everyone knows. Everyone alive knows. Somebody could have done better.

I'm not going to let you tear him down. This is maybe the most relatable thing that's ever happened. Someone just putting off work until it's like, oh, man, I should have responded to that email months ago. What was I thinking? Sitting in the college dorm with two hours to the deadline. Like, I should have written the paper last week. He's the deadline fucking blue past him. He's just like, I failed out.

Fuck. All my classmates graduated. I'm still here. I should have gone to class in like, I failed out. Fuck. All my classmates graduated. I'm still here. I should have gone to class in college. I'm 27. Still freshman orientation. This is tough. When did the books come out?

Decades ago. No, no, no. Like the last books. Yeah, I think decades ago. I don't think he's written a new one in some time. I do not know the answer to that. For some reason, I thought. Maybe one came out.

I mean, like, it takes a long time for a book to get popular enough to be made into a show one sometime. I do not know the answer to that. For some reason I thought maybe one came out. I mean like it takes a long time for a book to get popular enough to be made into a show. Yeah. Unless Oprah endorses it. Unless who? Oprah endorses it. Unless Oprah endorses it. Yeah. But I'm pretty sure they'll come out like the first three at least come out in the 90s. Was it that long?

That's what I'm saying. Was it that long? What the fuck is he even doing? Oh 96? What? I was thinking. Was it that long? What the fuck is he even doing? Oh, 96? What? I was thinking like mid-2000s. No. 96 was the first one. 90. 96 was the first one?

Okay. What's the rest of the order? They started coming out in 96. 2011? No, there's another one coming out. Yeah, that's what we're talking about. Right. That's what I just said. When is it coming out?

Oh, we don't know. He doesn't know. He hasn't finished yet. George R. R. Martin hasn't finished. That's why I said, when is it coming out? You said they all came out already. No, no, no. All the other ones that have come out are out. Yes. That's how that works. I think it was supposed to come out a while ago, and George R. R. Martin's just been

going on fucking late night shows being like, I don't know. It'll come out when it comes out i don't hate it either he's just he's just trying to like die first it's like not on me i don't know i don't know who wins i like that have you guys read the books i bought them oh you stupid idiot well i don't know why i asked you okay coley have you they're like a thousand pages pages. You're acting like this is a weird thing for me to fucking ask. For you to sit at this table. For me to ask you that, maybe. He bought them, so he thought he was going to... You said you guys.

You said you guys read the book. I regret that. I'm still shook. The pluralization was idiotic. Okay, Coley, you bought the books. Are you going to read them? Probably not. I would like to.

But I've also been told... He goes back and reads the book after you've seen the movie. I've also been told, like, by the third book, he just spends, like, whole chapters just describing, like, blades of grass on the side of a rolling hill. Oh, he goes Tom Clancy with it? He just starts, I don't know, babying. Tom Clancy, he doesn't tell you what time it is. He teaches you how to make a watch. Okay. Good to know. So don't read Tom Clancy, he doesn't tell you what time it is. He teaches you how to make a watch. Okay.

Good to know. So don't read Tom Clancy books. It's way too detail-oriented. Sounds like a bore, yeah. We get it. We get it, bro. The thing that would be hard for me with the books, I know it's going to get easier because obviously the more I watch it,

it's going to get easier to understand. It's faces that I remember more than names. So if I'm reading these books and it's all these fucking names, that's the thing with Game of Thrones. if you're not paying attention to it completely undividedly like you don't know what's going on yeah like the faces like i see the face it's a phone down show there are plenty of shows where you can fuck around on your phone at the same time thrones is a phone down it's a phone down show and even to the next level it's like you like i remember names in tvs tv shows movies like real life, like pretty decently. I'm not great at it, but this one is really difficult too.

They're weird names. Do what? They're weird names. There's just so many of them too. It's like, oh, I see his face. Oh, I know that whole storyline, but I couldn't tell you what his name is. I deserve some sort of award for when they had the season finale up against game seven of the NBA finals, like when the Cavs won.

Yeah. You avoided it? No, I had to watch both simultaneously because I had to be on Twitter because I had to work. So I had to do all of it at once. And luckily, I think the game ended right after, right before. I don't know. I can't remember what happened, but I crushed it.

Deserving a word for that. As you always do, baby. As you always do. Are you guys going to wrestle again? We don't know when it happens. Yeah we don't plan it all right well it's a non-psych type it's like peter griffin and the chicken can't wait stay hot stay hot stay hot kevin kevin kevin kevin

you're just ridiculously stupid Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Oh. Kevin! You're just ridiculously stupid. Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back! Welcome, welcome, welcome... Is this Kevin? Welcome back! Oh, yeah, man, how you doing? You good? I know you like that.

I know you like that. Welcome, welcome, man, how you doing? You good? I know you like that. I know you like that. How long you been back? It's Friday. What's up, Case? I feel like I haven't seen you all week. I was just going to say. Yeah, it doesn't feel like Friday. You know I've been the only constant on this radio show this week?

Yeah, that's right. I'm not on this radio show. That is weird. I'm the only person on this show every day this week it's been feidelberg and the rockets all week yeah well i mean you're basically a part of the show now i mean let's be honest just a fourth care over here you are cckf yeah kfcck okay that's radio cck during atlanta that's what i started just writing it's like kfcc One big fucking sloppy mess. But yeah, I feel like I haven't even, what's going on with your life this week, Case?

You went and talked to some people? I did go talk to some people. Oh yeah, I forgot you weren't on the show yesterday. It feels like it's Monday to me, which is really great. That's great. If you feel like it's Monday, it's Friday? Holy shit. Yeah, normally it's the opposite, but going back to Boston in the middle of the week kind of has me shook a little bit.

Dude, I'm usually like, is it Friday? And it's like Tuesday. Yeah, normally. Do you think it's Monday and the weekend? I don't know what day it is ever. It doesn't really matter to you. No, I only know interviews. And I'm like, if we don't have an interview on a day, then it could be any day. I don't know.

But I do know I'll have like, all right, we have X Tuesday, X Wednesday, X Thursday. I guess I kind of hold it together pretty well. I don't know. Yeah. But I do know. I look. All right. We have X Tuesday, X Wednesday, X Thursday. I guess I kind of hold it together pretty well. I can guess the other two. Yeah. You don't come to work on Saturday. Process of elimination. I think it's a Wednesday here. We have like three interviews a week.

I work it out. I don't know, though. People are always like, what do you care? Like, what's the difference in your life? It's weekend or weekday. It's like, well, I still have to get up and go to work. Like, people are always like, oh, all you do is blog and talk about sports. So who cares? It's like, well, I still have to get up and go to work. People are always like, well, all you do is blog and talk about sports, so who cares? It's like, well,

I still have to get on the subway. I still have to get out of bed. Not laying in my bed watching porn. There's a lot of things I like to do on the weekend that I can't do. By the way, do you know I haven't watched porn since we interviewed Theo? You have not? Oh, yeah. So we interviewed Theo Vaughn, and he... He did stand-up with Francis last night, I saw. Yeah, and tonight Francis opened up

for him. They're sold out at the Wilbur tonight. That's awesome. They're both very funny people. They were at the Cheval Francis last night, I saw. Yeah, and tonight Francis opened up for him. They're sold out at the Wilbur tonight. That's awesome. Scalp tickets. They're both very funny people. They were at the Chevalier last night, like 1,500 people. Tonight's at the Wilbur. Sold out. I think two nights in a row are at the Wilbur.

At least two shows. Two shows. Got it. So Francis is opening up. He said he's so gassed up. He said he loves opening because you take, you know, Francis has like an hour long material, like an hour long show, but he's opening. So you just do 15 minutes.

You just do the best of the best. It's like doing a best-of show where everything is your funniest joke. So he's ready to rock on that. And he said that Theo is just the fucking presence. Just rolls up there and doesn't even realize what he's doing. Just crushes it in front of a thousand people. And he's just like, yeah, what's up, man? How we doing?

Such a... Guys, he is a trip man theo von if you haven't seen yet answer the internet he was on uh the thursday night show uh he's also on the thursday episode of ksu radio a real real real real unique cat and francis said on stage it's even it's just like exactly what you'd expect i feel like to be a comedian, you have to be just a little nuts. Yeah, I can't tell if he's nuts or he's so not nuts. If he's like so brilliant, he's just always on. Or if he's just out here hanging out, just doing his thing.

Maybe you're just the crazy one. I've been watching a lot more of his stuff. The way he talks about like his, what's the matter? Salad's not good? It's cold. Do you want some Taco Bell? Get some Taco Bell, pussy. I have incredibly sensitive teeth, and it's so cold.

That's the tobacco. It eats through them. I think it's more sugar, because it's like the molars. Do you not go to the dentist? I went last year. It was good. I haven't gone to the dentist in like 10 years. I go like once a year.

Like legitimately 10 years. Although, I got veneers on my front teeth and I broke one like not too long ago. So I went back and he glued that together. But he didn't like look at the rest of my mouth. He didn't like really, you know, dissect it. And I'm just, I mean, I brush floss like, you know, a couple times a year. I think I'm good on the teeth front, but I'm just afraid that if I do go to the dentist, it's like, you know, you can't have an STD if you don't get tested sort of thing. It's like just. I mean, if you're not in pain, you're probably okay. That's have an STD if you don't get tested sort of thing. It's like just.

I mean, if you're not in pain, you're probably okay. That's what I'm saying. Cavities hurt. Like I'm looking. There's nothing wrong with them. They don't hurt. I think I'm all right. But I don't want to go to the dentist and be like, yeah, there you go.

Cheesy goatee and crunch for me. This is for Kevin's birthday. You have to have one anyways. Casey's getting us Taco Bell for my birthday, but I just had a cheesesteak and mozzarella sticks. So we're also going to double down with some Taco Bell. I mean, usually on Friday, we're being going to double down with some Taco Bell. I mean, usually on Friday, we're being disgusting humans on this show anyway. Right.

Might as well just add it on. I don't think I'm going to get drunk today. That's okay. I got my car. I got plans later. Good idea. Probably smart. You could have just left it out of my car. I got plans later. That's a good enough reason. I'd say driving is a good reason not to

drink i don't want to get shamed by you guys so i'm just loading up all the reasons why i did get drunk yesterday sneaky drunk unexpected you were with large i was at large and i knew that we were gonna like drink when i was with large we did behind the blog which is awesome it came out very very good so if you're on barstool gold uh that'll be coming out i don't know in a couple weeks whenever they can get the edit done and uh we went to Large's favorite restaurant, that place Arturo's. If you follow Large, you'll listen. Which he undoubtedly has a stake in. Yeah, I mean, I was going to say, if you follow him, you read his blogs,

you watch Podfathers or Barstool Breakfast, you know that he's always there. He's either getting a kickback or he is Arturo. It's, you know, Mike Arturo McCarthy or something. So we go to his place, and, you know, Mike Arturo McCarthy or something. So we go to his place, and, you know, I certainly expected to dabble in some alcoholic beverages. But he's like, you guys want something? And I said, yeah, what are you getting? He's like, I'm going to have one of mine. And I was like, you know, when in Rome sort of thing.

I'll do it for the show, do it for the camera, and, you know, I want to see what, you know, let's do it, Rome. Let's do it, Marge. And it's a Belvedere martini. It's just a straight-up vodka martini at 11 a.m and it's you know one of those you know sometimes the martini glasses are like a little tiny this is a full wide mouth big ass normal adult size martini just whole fucking cup of vodka at 11 a.m and then the wine came out sneak up on it but i don't even think so no it's right in the face but again large and willie just are immune to that well he said everyone else is not we kind of discussed it that's how i opened up i said i'm afraid to go around large especially once once i was single again and

everybody's been asking me to go out large was like yeah let's like chop it up one night and i was like you know i just i don't drink like that anymore you guys scare me because i feel like they're the type who would be like all right like another round of martinis and i'm like i'm like two sips into my first one guys. And he said he tried to go drink for drink with Willie when he first met him. And it was that infamous night where Willie came through to the Christmas party and said he pre-gamed with seven martinis. And so large that was with him during that escapade. And he was trying to keep up and he said, he's the classic, you know, two martinis is not enough. three is too many, and Willie was doing seven.

So he tried to go drink for drink with Willie, and he ended up on the bathroom floor, like, naked until the next morning. And so he said he learned his lesson to not go drink for drink with Willie, and he was like, I suggest you apply that to yourself and me. I'll be your Willie. Don't try to keep up with me. Makes sense. I had no intention on doing that.

Makes sense. But the wine came out. We were doing a little meat and cheese as we did the interview and the one the wine wine for me really goes down like water i mean that stuff i could start funneling a glass of red wine so next thing you know uh the interview runs a little long i was trying to make it back in time for this show didn't make it back did do the rundown like sufficiently drunk you ran in here with the last 10 seconds. Yeah, I did get that. I did technically make it to the show. I've been getting drunk at work a lot, though.

Been doing... You've been on a run. It's either been bowls of wine on a Friday or drinking with Large or what was the other day? There was some other reason we were just drunk at work the other day. The firefighters came in. The firefighters were doing shots of Jameson at 12 know 12 yeah well what can you do i'll tell you what works a lot better when you're drunk work is a lot more fun life's a lot more fun when

you're inebriated this is true but no i don't think anybody in this room is gonna argue with you no i don't feel much pushback coming from anybody here. No. I'm going on a date tonight. Whoa. Lead with that. First, like, official. Buried the fucking lead. Yeah, who needs to talk about Antonio Brown or David Irving? Atta boy, Kev. Yeah, let's go. First, like, official, like, sit-down date.

And she texted me and said, don't get tanked before our date, okay? So she knows the deal. I was like, that's a valid concern and a valid point. And I will take that into consideration as I go to work today. She didn't say you can't have anything to drink. No, yeah, she said don't get tanked. She knows the deal.

So we'll see how that goes. Good luck. Where are you going? I swear you're going. But what kind of establishment are you going to? It sounds just like a standard restaurant. Nothing too fancy. Probably, yeah.

In the city? No, Long Island. Long Island. Ooh. Yeah. She's a Long Island girl. How long does that take to get out there? It's going to probably be a while. Yeah. restaurant nothing too fancy probably yeah in the city no long island long island oh yeah she's a long island girl how long does that take to get out there it's gonna probably be a while yeah probably a little bit of a trip so do you this is a larger investment than i'm willing to make my current girlfriend for a first date i don't like i don't like uh i don't like going home and like doing nothing anymore i've been talking about this. It's a big-time curveball that life has thrown me, a big change where I'm like, I don't want to do nothing anymore.

I get lonely. I get uncomfortable. I'm alone with my thoughts, so I'm down to do anything. So I'll take a trip out to Long Island. I'm going to meet my buddy who's from the island. I'll give him a ride home. We'll probably have a drink or two. So you're going on a date and then meeting him? No, no, no have a drink or two so it's a whole so you're

going on a date and then meeting him no no before what are you wearing uh i don't know i'm kind of up in the air on that just wanted to make sure it wasn't this no no no definitely not this i wanted i wanted to gently ask that's not what no no but see i got i got like a nice blazer that i never wear and i'm like whoa whoa rightzer that I never wear. Whoa! Whoa! Right, but that's the thing. That's the vibe that it gives. Like, oh, you're wearing a blazer. But I don't know if... Is this restaurant a blazer restaurant?

I don't know where we're going. I just want to wear this blazer. You should check that before you put on the blazer. I just want to wear a blazer. Kevin, you don't want to look like an asshole showing up to a restaurant. I won't look like an asshole. I'm not going to a bar.

It's not like I'm going to roll over to like, you know, fucking... I don't know what bar we go to. The Smith's kind of is like a to a bar. I'm not going to roll over to fucking... I don't know what bar we go to. The Smiths kind of is like a blazer bar. You can wear a blazer, yeah. You can't wear a t-shirt with a blazer. You look like a Miami asshole. Then you got to look like you're coming from the office.

I don't know. The blazer is a tough look. It's a move. It's a move. I do some heavy research on the establishment for pulling out Blaze. Well, either way, I'm not too worried about what I end up wearing. I don't know. I'm not really worried about any of it, to be honest, but it's a weird thing.

Is it a first date? Like first, first date. We talked about this the other day. I don't know the last time I've gone on a real first date. Yeah, it's very strange. That's what I'm saying. I can go talk to real first date. Yeah, it's very strange. That's what I'm saying. That's what's weird. I can go talk to anybody, go do anything, but I don't know if I've ever, like, done this. I think I would be – I've never done it, but I think I would be really nervous.

It's good that you're not. Well, you know what I've learned is I think because of work, a lot of this is easier now. Like, I used to worry about, like, what am I going to text or what should I say? And now it's like for a decade, we've been trying to just write like quick, funny, witty things on Twitter or in blogs and seems to be going pretty good. Like good enough.

People seem to like it. So I'm pretty confident in like whatever I'm firing off there. And then when it comes to like talking, I mean, I sit down for interview people sometimes that I just don't even want to talk to at all. And we seem to be all right with it. You know'm like i guess i'll interview you there's a difference between someone you don't want to talk to at all it's someone you want to fuck it's much more nerve-wracking to talk to someone you want to fuck that is true i don't know there's

there's not much pressure on that at the moment i don't think that's going no i'm not trying to say that's gonna happen yeah but just like but that's something we are at least serious about. That's the idea, yeah. Yeah, I definitely think that. But, you know, I think that I can ask enough questions. Because it's kind of like an interview in a way. Oh, yeah. It is. In every way.

Yeah. I'm just going to make a podcast for this girl. That's it. That's the problem, though. That's what I would get nervous about. And maybe that's what women like on a first date. I don't know. But I'd be like, they'd say one thing.

They'd be like, oh, get the fuck out of here. What are you, a fucking idiot? Yeah, I'm going to roll in and be like. You wouldn't sell a cake and eat a dick? What are you, fucking a moron? I'll tell you what. I have found that answer the internet, would you rather type of hypotheticals are uh the you know the right ones are actually very good for oh they're actually what i do because

we have this list they're what i i like is like i was at a wedding this summer and i we had some of the questions we've been working on this this show and we had some of the questions we're going to use like we were on i was in the wedding we were on the wedding bus and it was like everyone was kind of it was i was in the wedding party and we're on the bus without the parents everyone's kind of like and i was just like hey uh you know would you rather know when you're gonna die or how you're gonna die everyone's like oh yeah exactly yeah, exactly. And then drinks start flowing. Next thing you know, I'm like, who wants to suck their grandmother's dick? Yeah, you can't lead with one of the super sexual ones.

That can get weird. But they're perfect for like some of them are very thought provoking and like kind of philosophical. You can actually have a real conversation. And then there are good ones that are like, this is a little bit sexy. We're going to like tiptoe in the water here. So i'm basically i'm gonna roll up i'm gonna give her a fucking set of headphones i'm gonna have a microphone i'll press record i'm gonna have the cards in front of me i'll just start rattling off answer the internet we're joking this is a great podcast idea first dates kevin wow it is a great podcast idea wow i. I've thought much about just turning my entire life into content at this point.

Why not? I'm considering getting my vasectomy sponsored. What? I know that they've, like, I didn't know what they were shooting out here. And I had my headphones on, and then I took them off, and PFT was, like, yelling about vasectomies, and I was just like, all right, this is not my. So this morning, a giant fucking crate

shows up at Barstool Sports. It's not a cardboard box. It is a wooden fucking crate that you need to like crack open with a crowbar. Spider was on top of a chair because it's huge. It's probably like, I don't know, like seven feet tall. And he's got the drill out, taking this fucking giant wooden box apart.

It looked like something from Indiana Jones, like the fucking arc was going to come out of it. And it's this Buffalo Wild Wings throne looking thing. It's a high top chair and it has this like stick, this like thing sticking out of the top. And it's a vasectomy throne. It's called the Jewel Tool. Jewel.

What does it rhyme with? Jewel Stool. Jewel Stool. And it's for guys post-op after their vasectomy. It's got this metal little bump where your nuts are that is refrigerated.

It's got a refrigerator underneath. This is a real thing they're selling? Well, I don't think they're selling it. I think it's for promo. They're going to put it in Times Square and there's going to be some guys who just got vasectomies sitting on it in Times Square. They know what's up. You sit on it and it's got this cool part that cools you nuts where the incision was.

It's got a button you push that the thing sticking out of the top lights up and says beer when you need another beer because you can't get up. And it's got a cup holder that also has the refrigerator thing running through it, so it keeps your beer cold at all times. And I started to think to myself, clearly these guys are out here spending dollars on the vasectomy angle. I think it might be wise for me to explore that avenue.

Would you do it for this March Madness? I think it's probably too quick. Unless somebody comes with the prices right. It starts on Sunday, this Sunday, right? Yeah, that's true. I got a couple weeks. Well, that's what I was saying is I'm on the fence about it in general. Because I think they say it's reversible.

But it's like, you know, you always run the risk of maybe it not being so reversible. And I run the risk of not working the first time. Yeah. Antonio Cromartie style. I don't actually get one. I don't know. They definitely do. Sometimes. Yeah. But yeah. How many kids does he have? Like 14. I'd be so scared, I think. Now that I think about it. I just think I'd still pull out and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't think I'd ever just be like, hey, it's blank. I'm not dropping loads. I've got a vasectomy. Oh, God. I'm not done. Dropping loads is a freak. Casey's face is just like. I'm not doing big cups.

Casey's face is like she just tasted something bad. I saw a tweet about that the other day it was so funny where it was yes yes we're we're trying for a baby it's just the adult way of saying my husband's doing big loads in me or big comes i think he said big comes my. Big cums. My husband's doing big cums to me. That's fucking funny, man. It is. Honestly, when that phrase is making Casey, she could taste how uncomfortable that phrase was.

It is funny when you know that a couple is, you know, the phrase of trying. That is. So you guys are just fucking raw all the time, huh? Like you're doing that shit where you like hang upside down afterwards so that cum really sticks you want to be filled up with that i'm so glad our lunch is not here yet i am so glad that taco bell shut up comes not that bad out of all the things we could talk about coming shit no it's not uh yeah big loads from john exactly Exactly. Literally. Yeah, I still think I would be. Well, Pete got one, and he explained that you have to jerk off for 30 days or some shit, because it's left in your system.

There's still some live ones left in your system, so you got to make sure that's totally clear and that you're totally empty, and then your next, you know, your next big load wears gloves. Yeah. This picture Pete wearing like medical gloves when he jerks off. I can't see that one. Like some American psycho shoes. Snaps the latex, gets out some like proper lubricant and starts jaying it. Slides a finger in his own butt.

It gets all weird with it, I bet. Case, what are you up to? Listen, you guys talk about dude stuff. Dropping loads. Dicks, if you think about it, dicks are really women's stuff. Yeah, you guys love dicks. You're talking about vasectomies.

That's something that I will never have to worry about. No, but you guys love big loads. You just got to that. You just now got to that. Girls love big loads. You just now got to that. Girls love big loads. Does a girl care about load size? I can't speak for all women, Kevin. I can't do it.

If we're watching porn and then there's the finale at the end and it's underwhelming, I'm like, fuck this. This was very, very not satisfying. I want this guy fired. What's his Twitter handle? Got a little bitch loads, bro. Sir, I watched that entire thing, including the interview in the beginning. I watched it even when you were just going down on her, which is the most boring porn in the world.

I watched it all for that finale and that's what you gave me. That was worse than the Sopranos ending. You should have just faded to black. You should have just faded to black. You should have just cut right to black rather than that stupid little load that dropped on our tongue. You know when it just drops? It's like, Jesus, man. There was nothing there.

We are sober today. You guys are on a roll. To be honest, you guys are on a roll. This is a sober Friday. It's Friday. It doesn't matter. Sober drunk, it's Friday. Fights has been in so many different moods this week that I've done radio with him. I think this one's the happiest I've seen you.

Thanks. When you talk about loads. And his cold salad. That's where we're at. It's so cold. I'm going to go put it in the microwave. No. Please do not. That is disgusting. That's worse than this conversation.

The way you felt about my poke bowl yesterday. What'd you say? The way you felt about my poke bowl yesterday is the way I would feel about if you microwaved a salad. Is that beets in there too? Oh, I like beets. I love beets. But you can't microwave them, can you?

You can't microwave lettuce. Look, I'm not going to be microwaving for a long time. It's just like four seconds. It wants to be warm. We know that does nothing. We know for a fact, for years now, three seconds in a microwave doesn't do a goddamn thing. I'm not looking for warm. I'm looking for not as cold.

Just leave it sitting out for a while. What do you need a microwave for? What are we talking about? What are we talking about? I don't want it to be warm. I want it to be not as cold. That makes sense. Just a little bit chilly. It must be room temperature.

It's like a fucking bite in ice cubes. Anyway, I'm on the fence about my vasectomy and I figured if we could get... I told Erica, I said, if I get a vasectomy for this company, I'm getting a cut. That's it. I know there are rules here. I know that people don't get a piece of the action

when they make content. That's the whole name of the game. You get your salary. Barstool gets the money from the... Fine. I get it. You can have the money from my ad reads. You can have the money from our merch shit. If we're chopping up my testicles,

I'm getting paid, okay? If you set a precedent for that, everybody's going to be getting snipped. Oh, I'll just get any kind of surgery. It doesn't have to be. All elective surgery. Well, see, that's good. I'm going to get a nose job for Barstool. I'm doing it for work. I'll get liposuction.

Go see Dr. Scherzer. Honestly, we got to do liposuction. Yeah. That would be really funny. Let's get that sponsored. It would be really funny. It would be really funny. If me and John got like on the tummy tuck.

Or even like just like cold sculpting. Yeah, that we've talked about legitimately doing, but I don't think that works. I would rather do something that I know works. Yeah, I don't know if it works or not. What would you get? I'd rather just stick a fucking vacuum up my gut. Is that what you would do? Your gut?

I'm definitely getting my tummy touched. You do your face? Yeah, that's a good one. I wear enough clothes. It's true. Yeah, I have always thought that. Like, here's another question for you. And you still didn't answer my loads question.

I said I can't speak for all women. I don't. Well, girls talk about all sorts of, like, all the details, right? So, like, say some guy. The Coke show? Say some. The Coke show? Yeah, don't do Coke in the bathroom show. Oh, we don't talk about all sorts of, like, all the details, right? Yeah, aren't you on that? So, like, say some guy. The Coke show? Say some. The Coke show? Yeah, don't do Coke in the bathroom show.

Oh, we don't talk about that. That's Call Her Daddy. Right. Oh, that's a different. But when you're alone with your girls and they're all asking, like, the gory details of sex, is there any discussion about volume? No. And maybe there is otherwise. That surprises me.

No. Because if there's a lot, I could see a girl being like, Jesus. Oh, well, maybe. But I don't think, like when you're asking questions about that kind of thing, I don't feel like that is high up on the list. Unless it's just like... It surprises me. Good news.

I think I'm actually pretty average there. I think I'm good. I don't know. Maybe you need to ask Alex and Sophia. It's the one thing we don't know what average is. Well, that's what I'm saying. I've seen regular dudes dicks. But when it comes to cums, I've only seen professionals and myself. I've never seen a regular dude's cums. Why don't you just ask each other?

What, like bring in a sample? Oh yeah, I guess I see what you mean. Please don't do that. How much did you cover with yours? Oh god. This feels like a Jared Karabas conversation. Please don't do that. Please don't do that. How much did you cover with yours, bud? Oh, God. It's a valid question. This feels like a Jared Karabas conversation. Maybe the three of you guys should sit down.

How about this one? This one's easier. Okay. So we're saying what surgery we get. John's going to fix his face because you can always see his face and his clothes covers everything else, which I get. So my thought is always like if we're at the point where I'm taking my clothes off and you're seeing how gross I am, it's kind of too late.

We're already pot committed. You already like me enough that you're even considering doing it. So, yeah, you're probably going to be disappointed. But I don't know. It's like I've already done enough to get you to the point that you want to sleep with me. Yeah, I think we've talked about this a little bit before. I feel like unless you pop off your clothing and you have some like Span Spanx for men, like, that's, like, so crazy. Because, I mean, obviously, like, Spanx is a thing, too.

But, like, yeah, at that point, it's like, okay, I kind of have an idea what you look like just in your clothing. Right. Unless you're just, like, so bundled up every single day. But it would not for me, and I think, again, I can't speak for all women, but for me, it's like if I'm already attracted to you enough to be in that position it would have to be something a disaster does it you'd have to like like whatever the hat fishing version of that would be like it would have to be a disaster for me one of those people who like had you used to be like 500 pounds and you lost like 400 pounds but then you have the skin i think that if that would be yeah that would be surprised i mean like you should react way more harshly to that that would be i would have no problem with a girl being like, oh, wait, absolutely not.

You can't like lay on top of me with that. It would be tough. It would be tough. It would be tough. It's just a bunch of ball sack. You are on one today. I mean, that's what it looks like. That guy.

It looks like. Your whole body looks like Thanos' chin. It looks like a ball sack. I said what I said. Yeah. Yeah, that would be tough. I do think, though, like if you are already in the position, for a guy or a girl, regardless of who it is,

if you're in the position that you're already about to sleep with somebody and you stop it because of their physical attributes, it's got to be really bad. I'd respect the fuck out of that. If someone just pulled the cord. I honestly... If you gave me that face, Casey, maybe I'd have said big loads. And he just goes, nah.

I can't imagine... You don't think that's just a complete asshole move? Oh, I do. But I also think it's maybe an asshole move for me to assume that someone will have sex with me when you look at me with my clothes on. But if a girl does that to a guy, I can't imagine. I cannot f you when you look at me with my clothes off. But if a girl does that to a guy, like, I can't imagine. Like, I cannot fathom what would happen if a guy watched a girl take her clothes off and then said no.

I mean, you would kill yourself. The double standard. Like, if a girl says that she would do that to a guy, she's just either, like, a massive just bitch or she wouldn't care if somebody said that to her. Because I cannot imagine if the roles were reversed. I mean, everyone in the world would care if somebody said that to her. Because I cannot imagine if the roles were reversed. I mean, everyone in the world would care if someone said that to them. Well, right.

But I'm just saying like... This is me and my most vulnerable. What do you think? Nah. Nah. Right, that's what I'm saying. But like, the fact that there would even be...

I just can't fathom doing that to somebody. Because I'm already putting myself in that situation. But maybe you would... Alright, so maybe you go through with it but then maybe you'd be like, I'm probably not going to do that again.

Maybe. Yeah. Maybe. But again, I. Take that into consideration. See, this is why I would. If I got the liposuction, I would just get my gut done. I don't think you.

I mean, I guess I haven't seen you with your shirt off in two years. But I don't think you have a gut. We talked about body dysmorphia with fights yesterday. I definitely have body dysmorphia. I think everybody has a little bit. But I also don't think it's great. It's not really a gut. It's more like love handles. The middle is fine. It's the sides. The muffin top.

It's got a muffin top going. Just like flour tushy. There's a small select people who understood that reference right now and they're laughing very hard. Kev's got a body like flour very hard like flower talk about loads that's a girl who can fire one off goodness gracious so a lot going on here in this first half hour i'm gonna say i have no idea how we got here antonio brown yeah again fuck antonio brown so So I'll just say final verdict. Should I get a sponsored vasectomy?

Yes. Do you get the Buffalo Wild Wings thrown at your desk? Well, that's what I'm wondering. Like, it depends. Maybe Buffalo Wild Wings will sponsor it. Maybe, you know, one of these men's, like, health care things that we do will sponsor it. Selected Sunday's not for, like, three weeks. Yeah, we got a little while.

I don't know when this Buffalo Wild thing is. The first round, which is the stereotypical go get a vasectomy so that you can stay home from work. The 22nd-ish. Is that what it is? Yeah. So I got like 20 days. I think the 21st is a Thursday.

So it's a week later this year. Okay. Like normally, like I think. I got about two weeks. Yeah. That seems like a lot of time to hammer out a sponsorship and schedule a surgery. Because you have to do a pre-surgery thing and all that.

Buffalo Wild, you should just talk to... I'm sure they're still hanging out out there. Go talk to them. See what they can do for you. And then it's like, do I... I really don't think I want any more of them. I think Clem's getting sniffed. But he's in a much more... He's definitely done. Someone's eventually going to want more of them. I think Clem's getting sniffed. But he's in a much more...

He's definitely done. Someone's eventually going to want more from me. Maybe. I don't know. It just seems like eventually that might happen and I might have to be like, well, can't do it anymore. Chad from Austin, what do you got on this idea? What's up?

Fake city, fake name. How you doing, Kevin? Good fake Chad from fake Austin. What's up? Fake city, fake name. How you doing, Kevin? Good fake Chad from fake Austin. What's up? I love that. Getting the vasectomy myself. Got a screaming 18-month-old in the backseat. Got a 10-week-old at home, so I called it a new stoolie. Uh-huh.

But I think Flower Tucci also goes by Nikki Benz, also fights. I'm not sure if you know that. No. No. I mean, what? She does. I think goes by Nikki Benz also fights. I'm not sure if you know that. No. No. I mean, what? She does. I think so.

Nikki Benz? Yeah. Nikki Benz with a Z? They look exactly the same. These women look completely different. Are we talking about the blonde Nikki Benz? I mean, I think I'm about to watch a video with both of them in it at the same time. Fights the blonde Nikki Benz? Nikki Benz is like married to fucking Kieran Lee.

I'm watching. And it's this thing, too. They're inside of these cages. There's no shot Nikki Benz and Flower are going to be the same person. Why would you be an established porn star and then change your name midway through your career? But there's two girls. You do different categories. So, you know, you name yourself for each category.

You're nuts. There's people that do that. So, when you drop that well all right i have a tweet from nikki benz saying flower tucci is here so unless she is doing some sort of fucking you know inception type of like they look like a blue they're completely different body types different faces that is flower tucci, she has a huge noticeable tattoo all down her back. Nikki Benz does not. Maybe. Maybe my eyes are wrong, but when you – because I know Nikki, and I didn't know Flower.

When you mentioned her, I Googled her, and immediately that's what I thought. That's what I thought. There's really no reason for Zah to do that. No, these are different girls, bro. Listen, not all blonde porn stars are the same Anyway Alright, well I'm pro vasectomy What's up with your dick getting sniffed?

I say you get a vasectomy My kid is my fourth I named him a steak Because we didn't mean to have four But I'm pro vasectomy with you guys I just, you know It's kind of a never say never type of thing Where, you know

You don't want to do anything permanent, I don't think I don, you know, you don't want to do anything permanent. I don't think. I don't know. Well, you don't want to get the reversal. I've got a buddy who got a reversal, and it's a nightmare. Really? What does that mean? Why?

Just a heart surgery? A lot more painful, a lot more invasive versus just the snip, snip. I actually saw the urologist on Monday. He was like, very easy. He showed me the procedure. It's pretty easy. Outpatient, 10, 20, 30 minutes, pops. But then the reversal, he was like, yeah, you don't want to go down that road.

So I guess you got to be sure. Oh, yeah, that is the Michael Scott. Snip, snap, snip, snap, snip, snap. We're going back and forth. See, that's, I don't know. Eric, what do you got? I think you guys could get it sponsored by Deadspin. They'd probably love that.

They would probably want all of you guys to get snips. That'd be a good way to take some money from them. Deadspin, I promise I won't recreate with, you know, spread this horrible Barstool and everything seed. Barstool ruined everything. We're going to give them all vasectomy. That's going to be a great program. This whole thing

is going to die out. love it sean what do you got uh i just want to say don't get a vasectomy because uh my dad he went out and got one just without consulting my mom about it and a couple years later he was diagnosed with prostate cancer and he was an undiagnosed bipolar. So what happens is when you snip the whatever, it causes all the chemicals in your brain to go haywire. And it actually makes you more prone to getting prostate cancer. So I just wanted to give you a little heads up. Okay. Thank you for that.

I don't know if that's true. I'm not a doctor. I don't know. I don't think getting snipped makes your brain go crazy, but maybe the prostate thing is... I actually think the prostate thing... I think the brain thing makes more sense because technically it's like your testosterone

and stuff like that. When you neuter a dog, it calms it down. Yeah, yeah, but this is just like... I think you just snip in the highway. It's just like a roadblock. It just can't, you know... It just can't... You just can't get out.

Yeah, it's not like I'm removing my testosterone and getting rid of my nuts. I can see it psychologically affecting you, being like, I'm not a man anymore. I don't know if it's going to make me have bipolar, though. Bro, let me tell you something. We can speculate about stuff all day. There ain't nothing more manly than being like,

I'm not knocking this girl up. The most relatable thing for a man is, I don't have to worry about pregnancy. Well, but that whole thing about the reversal being bad is making me second guess. What if Kate Beckinsale comes along? She's like, I'll be with you, but we got to have kids. I don't know, man.

I'm trying to watch Kate Beckinsale's new show. I might be out on Beckinsale. Really? She's so goddamn sexy in it, but it's like it's like a it's like a lullaby i mean she's obviously got to be the worst actress ever she's she's she's a fine actress again like it's it's not it's not there's gotta be a reason why what she what she's doing isn't i don't know don't you think it's just like there's a common denominator between all of these things sucking and it's that you're the lead actress i don't think there are all these things like i think

underworld's i i don't see underworld but i think contraband's awesome i don't think there are all these things. I think Underworld's awesome. I've never seen Underworld, but I think Contraband's awesome. I don't know what the other ones were. But, I mean, she's watching. She doesn't stick out. It's not like, oh, my God, I can't watch this girl act. Right. It's just the show is boring.

Just boring. Yeah. Well, either way, I don't know if you ever want to. No, never say never. Let's hit a break. You know what does suck? Nachos.

We come back from the break. I want to hear from Casey as she tries to defend this stupid appet stupid appetizer i can't wait for casey to sound dumb after the break here on clancy the rockets with fights Marty, do you have best friends? I have best friends. You have best friends? Well, would they bring you red wine at 4 p.m., sushi at 9 p.m., and a breakfast burrito by 8 a.m.? No.

No? Do you know who will? Who? Postmates. You! You heard of Postmates? It's your personal food delivery, grocery delivery, whatever you can think of, delivery service all year round. Do you ever use Postmates. You heard of Postmates? It's your personal food delivery, grocery delivery, whatever you can think of, delivery service all year round. Do you ever use Postmates? No, I've never used online services.

Well, you've definitely not used dating apps. We're going to get you set up with Postmates because I feel like if you move into the city, you're definitely going to need it. But you could get bird food on Postmates too, you know that? That's actually really big. I know. That's what I'm saying. No more trips to the store.

You don't even have to know where the store is. They will deliver anything to you. If you just download the app for anything for free, browse local restaurants, businesses, and track your delivery. 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Postmates will bring you what you want within the hour. Anything you're craving, Postmates can deliver. They're the largest on-demand network in the known universe with more than 25,000 partner merchants. And for a limited time, Postmates is giving our listeners $100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days. That's huge. 100 free delivery credits for the first seven days. And to start those free deliveries, download the app right now and use code KC. That's KC, the letters, not KFC, just KC for $100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days. When you download the Postmates app, get anything you need, anytime you need it, download Postmates and save with code KC and join Marty Mush. It's a movement. Ooh.

New York City. You are now rocking with 56. You gotta love it. I just wanna chill and twist the lock. Catch stunts in my 745. All right, we're back here on CCK rolling into hour two. Marty Mush and I are back. What's wrong with you? My larynx is just weak. I have a weak larynx. Why did you hit yourself? I was trying to loosen it up or something. I don't know what's going on with me.

I'm deteriorating. Yeah? Deteriorating? Sounds about right. Yeah, it actually sounded good. I'm going to be honest. I didn't expect you to hit it that well, so let's roll with it. Oh, yeah.

I have a bad larynx. My jaw is not the best. Weak knees. Just falling apart. Good ankles, though. I have good ankles. That's key. You need good ankles.

You do. I mean, yeah. Very stable. It connects your feet to your legs, so that's a good thing. That is a good thing. You know, it's important. I was doing that song, knees, shoulder toe something like that again like you know we started off the show kevin fights and i like getting like in a serious conversation about the whole melee that's going on on twitter right now people stealing stuff

off the internet all three of us kind of landed somewhere differently. Kevin and Fyte saw things completely differently. The first 30 minutes was a very serious 30 minutes. Was it? And then you come rolling in, and I have no idea what the fuck we're talking about. The problem with that whole thing, I just didn't read it because it's way, whenever someone says thread, I don't read it.

On Twitter, yeah? Yeah, one tweet. I'm so bad on the internet. The internet, I'm just, you know, I'm not the best on it. That's fair. It's a lot of reading. It's a lot of maneuvering. And I don't need an opinion on any of that crap.

That's why it's just... Yeah, it's just too much. That's why. You say I'm very simple, man. Do what I just... Humor myself. That's it. That's fair.

That's fair. You humor yourself. We learned you humor yourself during sex, which is key. The bird does need, I thought about this during the break. I was going to warm up my lunch and while I was standing at the microwave, I said, that bird has to come to New York City with Marty. Yeah, it has to. It has to.

You can't leave it behind. Yeah, I was thinking about like if I could walk the bird, walking the bird would be fun. Walk the bird? Like on a leash on a leash yeah because i feel like if it goes outside it's gonna fly like a bastard probably that's birds do that you haven't gotten his wings clipped i assume no definitely have not in a while but imagine just like walking down the street and you see that sucker waddling around it'd be pretty funny yeah but you know i think what might happen is if you put him on a leash he's still gonna try to fly

no yeah it's like i said i think i said this the other day too just like flying a kite just flying the bird though uh yeah i guess again you're you what what did the guy what the tweets say you give me radio dyslexia yeah it might be that might actually be accurate it was one of the most accurate tweets i've ever seen i mean like rud Rudy in here describing like what he deals with with dyslexia. Like that's how I feel talking to you. No, yeah. It's a great thing, though, because you keep me on my toes. Exactly.

Yeah. My day to just like my day to day stuff is always something different. Like I like I've said before, too, just like you ever put your socks on first for your underwear? No. Exactly. I did that once. I fell off the whole rest of the day. I don't know why. Why did No. Exactly. I did that once. I fell off the whole rest of the day. I don't know why. Why did you do that? I have no idea. I think the underwear was,

I don't know what happened. It was such an odd thing to do. And then that whole day was screwed. My whole week was screwed up after just getting out of sync a little bit. Yeah. Well, that's extra. That's a little dramatic, but I do feel like that's a weird move. I mean, I guess if you're trying to, do you put both of your socks on and then both of your shoes? Or do you put sock, shoe, sock, shoe? No, I put underwear, socks, and then sweatpants and then shirt. Wait, you put your socks on before your pants? Oh, yeah, 100%.

I feel very odd with that. I feel odd with pants on with no shoes. I mean, no socks. Really? Yeah, jeans on your ankles feel horrible. Oh, yeah, I guess I'm thinking like sweatpants. I'm going no socks. Really? Yeah. Jeans on your ankles feel horrible. Oh yeah. I guess I'm thinking like sweatpants. I'm going off of yoga pants too.

I'm also like my pants putting them on and they're tighter than yours. No, it's not. I'm getting into the tight game. Oh, you're in your skinny jeans? I'm trying to shape up the bum. Okay.

Yeah. I'm going to tell you, wait until on Friday. Okay. I'm going to be dripping. Oh shit. What's happening on Friday? I'll wait till you see me. I'm going to look good on Friday. Do we need to shoot our video on Friday. Okay. I'm going to be dripping. Oh, shit. What's happening on Friday? I'll wait until you see me.

I'm going to look good on Friday. Do we need to shoot our video on Friday? I think we might have to. Okay. But let me. That sounded like we were shooting porn. We're not shooting porn, people. Marty Bush and I are not doing porn.

When I come in on Friday, you need to see. You got to rate me right away. Okay. I think it adds at least two to my good lookingness. What's the special occasion? I don't know yet. You just Friday. I just know Friday's the day where I'm going to look good.

Just for no reason. Yeah, I don't like looking good a lot. I like looking in slums because then no one looks at you. You don't need any extra people looking at you. And then when you do come through drip, everybody looks at you. Yeah. You make a statement. I'm going to be dripping. I've bought some clothes. The first time I went with my mother, I went

shopping with my mama and She bought you clothes? She, yeah actually she bought these ones. She said, if you look nice, I'll buy you clothes. I said wow, alright. And she also knew that I was down. She also knew I was down and gambling. So she knew. She's a very nice lady.

Yeah, she's very nice. She's a saint. From listening to her on the cousins to what you've said, she sounds like a saint. So you just decided Friday is when you want to look good. I feel, I haven't cut up a rug in a while. I want to cut a goddamn rug. After work. After work, in this outfit.

I'm going to look i almost i can't wait it's gonna be simple it's gonna be simple but like it's i pop okay so this is one of those things like and this is a lesson too which you're never gonna follow it but it's like a good just kind of rule of thumb it's like if the girl you're talking to or like a good friend of yours or even a girl that you see all the time like if she changes her hair and like dramatically like if you say like hey like did you change your hair gives you brownie points did you know that no i'm good at that okay good i'm very good at seeking out people's uh different um haircuts okay uh girl especially girls like clothing i know when my mom's she tries out something new i was like oh my you look good that's good yeah see i'm good at that stuff

that's good pinpoint on that shit so that means that on friday now i have a mental note that even if i don't know i mean you're saying i'm gonna notice you regardless yes but even if i don't like even if for some reason like i'm in my own world i have to remember friday is a day to give marty a compliment yeah because usually i mean i look like a schlep most of the days like everybody in here yeah sweatpants sweatshirt friday i'm like ha marty you look good see that's normally like the opposite like if i'm gonna try during the week it depends on what i'm shooting everybody in here does. Yeah, sweatpants, sweatshirt. Friday, I'm like, huh, Marty, you look good. See, that's normally like the opposite. Like if I'm going to try

during the week, it depends on what I'm shooting. Obviously, like on like big shoot days, I'm trying a little bit harder. Fridays is the day I'm just going to, I'm bailing it in even harder.

Exactly. You wake up, it's like, fuck it. I'm going to put on my yoga pants and a hat and an oversized sweatshirt and call it a day. Although we do that a lot.

It's, I mean, this office, we dress like bums a lot of the time. Some days, like, and it's funny because when the girls come in, like, if I'm dressed up more because I'm either doing something after or I have a shoot or like the guys are like, what are you so dressed up for? Well, that's bad because that means all of us dress like bums. Exactly. Well, that's also back to the pinpoint and shit. Yeah.

I could, I'm the worst person to eat with because i once you start eating your lunch i'm gonna i'm gonna judge how you eat that's a fact marty i'm gonna be honest with you i don't feel like anything that you judge me for will really like oh no no it won't at all but it's just funny wait what do you mean you judge me out loud yeah oh yeah i'll let somebody eat like my like how what do you okay all right what we need a camera on your face that's what i was saying we need to do these therapy sessions just to see like what the fuck's wrong with you oh yeah we've got some content coming out there's no doubt but you know my face just now that it's not even necessarily what's wrong with you i guess it's more of like

you have told me that you can't go on you don't like to go on first dates because how messy you are of an eater no i'm not that messy of an eater it's just like i don't like to go on first dates because of how messy you are of an eater. No, I'm not that messy of an eater. It's just like I don't like worrying about eating. That's why I don't. So you want something that's like super precise on your fork. What if you have something in your teeth and you don't know? It's just a disaster. It is. But like my mom, for example, when she eats,

she moves her eyebrows all over the place. Oh, so you're observing it that way. Oh, yeah. I'm not ever eating in front of you. My brother slurps. We had chicken. Now I do notice that. Yes. Slurps. We had chicken. Now, I do notice that. Yes. Slurps and smacking.

What do we have? You smack. Gross. Yeah, I will leave. I leave the dinner table. I can't do it. Just anybody or just your family? Anybody. What if a first date was smacking? Oh, I'll tell her. I don't. That's the thing about me. I'm so simple. I don't.

The last time I've been mad, I couldn't tell you. Like, besides like rough and rowdy where you have to be mad. Yeah. I think the last time I've been mad is just like gambling. That's it. Like, I don't get mad over life situations. It's just, you can't control it. It's whatever.

You can only control yourself. Yeah. So I'm always schlepping around. And if you're, if you're whacking your eyebrows around when you eat, and we had chicken and white wine sauce last night. That sounds good. It was really good. And some noodles. The white wine sauce was like, he was slurping.

That's gross. I know. And I told him 25 times, get it together. You got to get it together when you eat. That's all I have, just eating. And that's like my only rule. Is eating? Yeah. I can get with, with I mean if somebody's a

gross eater yeah but I mean the eyebrows moving everywhere I'm trying to picture what that looks like can you give me like show me with your own eyebrows like I know it's it's crazy so she's just raising her eyebrows when she's chewing I think it's you gotta see it I'll maybe one time I'll show you this I'll get a video of how she eats it's unbelievable don't make fun of her no I don't make fun of her she knows it she's like I can't stand eating around you yeah I mean now I'm just not gonna eat like I'm starving but I was gonna eat during the commercial break I'm just not going to now my food's gonna be cold but hopefully your eyebrows don't move that's it no but you know what I do do a lot is my eyes flutter not when I'm eating though but just like when I'm talking if I start to get flustered or frustrated like my eyes flutter. Not when I'm eating, though, but just like when I'm talking. If I start to get flustered or frustrated, my eyes flutter.

I've done it since I was a kid. And people who are around me are like, oh, shit, I just got a really long flutter. You must be really mad at me. Oh, Casey's got me. Yeah. Yeah. Like it was so bad. Like when I was like going through like when I was diagnosed with cancer, my oncologist

would start picking up on it. Like I'm like sad about stuff, but I'd still get frustrated over my eyes and start fluttering and be like, why are your eyes fluttering at me? Like what? Like I'm like sad about stuff, but I'd still get frustrated over my eyes and start fluttering. And he'd be like, why are your eyes fluttering at me? Like, what's it like? I'm, I'm helping you.

I'm like, Oh, I'm a real asshole. If I'm eye fluttering, my oncologist, I have way too much attitude, but I don't know about raising my eyebrows. No.

Yeah. Eating's a, think about like eating's a crazy, there's so many crazy things in the world. Like that is a fact. Words are crazy. Like who told these words? I've said it before. I love homophones. Like homophones are crazy. There's so many crazy things in the world. That is a fact. Words are crazy. Who told these words? I've said it before. I love homophones.

Homophones are insane. Who made the word table? I'm actually with you on some of that. They say high thoughts. When you're high, you think about them, but it is crazy to sit down and think who named this a water bottle? Why is this meatloaf?

Who decided that they get, why is that? Why are they, who decided it? Like who's decided that they get to call it that? You know what really trips me out is streets. Streets. Like how, why is this street here? The whole world is like buildings and shit. And like who made it, who made the thing that we have to work

and like go through it? That makes sense to me. Doesn't make any sense. Well, yeah, because you have to be able to buy things. Yeah, but why don't we just get money well where does the money come from

they print it well so everybody just what gets like a certain amount I'm just saying I'm with you on a lot like the whole thing about like who named what

who decided what I'm with you like why do all hotel ceilings have those little weird the weird ceilings? The little nipples on top of it. You know those suckers? Yeah, well not all hotels have these.

It's like crumbs. That's like insulation, I think. Insulation? Installation? Installation. Which one's that? Installation's like where you install things. It's like this stuff that's on the wall. Like, it's like insulation that's supposed to keep sound out.

Huh. I think that's, I mean, that's what I'm going off of. Like, it's from the attic, right? Like, you go into the attic and there's like that, like, the fluffy stuff that makes you itchy. Like, I think that that's like. What the shit are you talking about? What's itchy now? Okay, so.

We're talking about walls that were itchy. Yeah. Listen. Okay. If you go up into attics, at least the attic that I had growing up. Oh, I don't go to attics. Okay. Well, so if you do go to attics, like the insulation is like this, like it looks like

basically what we have on the wall here that's like ripped off, but it's like all very fluffy. Oh, the pink stuff. Yeah. And it's supposed to be really itchy or at least that's what my parents told me. Maybe it's because they didn't want me to jump in it and like ruin it. But like that, it's supposed to be pretty itchy. Really? Yeah, I think so. Oh, I think we got to try this out. I don't plan on trying want me to jump in it and like ruin it. But like that, it's supposed to be pretty itchy. Really? Yeah, I think so.

I think we got to try this out. I don't plan on trying it out, but maybe the Internet probably knows. I won't go to the addicts. There's a scary. I don't get what addicts are even for. Well, it's because it's like where like the house is no longer in. Like it's the air conditioning, the heater and all that stuff usually doesn't work up there. It's like where all that stuff exists.

Again, crazy. Why? I don't know. It's great. I don't know that answer. I know. It's like where all that stuff exists. Again, crazy. Why? I don't know. It's crazy. I don't know the answer. I know that like that's where people store their shit. That's where our Christmas tree was my entire life. We don't have basements in Texas.

People have basements in other places in the country. You don't have basements in Texas? No. Why? Does it rain a lot? There's dough. You have like tornado shelters in some places. So where do you hang out

in the attic you hang out in attics that is insane i mean okay i will say this no no no we're going to a stick on you just hang out hey mom i'm up in the attic yeah my sister and i so first of all like living in like the dallas area in the summer like you're not up in the attic it's like 110 degrees outside, let alone in your attic. But when it wasn't that hot upstairs, my sister and I built this like table that we would go up and like play games on and read because we didn't have a basement. You're an absolute crazy person. What do you mean?

You're hanging out in the attics. I mean, we had a big like we had like a big area in the attic where like my parents stored stuff like around like the sides, like up against the walls. And there was like a good place to put a where, like, my parents stored stuff, like, around, like, the sides, like, up against the walls. And there was, like, a good place to put a table. Nope, you can't do it. I mean, we were kids. We were young. They wanted you to get the hell out of something.

Yeah, probably. 100%. They probably. But they definitely didn't send us up there when it was hot outside. That would be, I mean, that would be literally childish. Last time, my uncle went into my grandma's's attic and there was just squirrels up there. Oh, no, we didn't have because there was there's no squirrels in Texas. No, definitely squirrels in Texas.

We did not have squirrels. Sandy Cheeks is from Texas. Fucking love Sandy Cheeks. We didn't have squirrels in our attic. Although, we're getting tweets right now. You know why installation is itchy? Why? Fiberglass.

Fiberglass. Yeah. Again, so now we're going to go to fiberglass because I don't know what the fuck that is. Fiberglass. Why don't you... Oh, you don't have your computer. Fiberglass is basically like microscopic glass. I love microscopes.

It's like a... Well, it's not really. It's like plastic. It's like a... Well, it's not really. It's like plastic. It's not real glass, but it's like... You like magnifying glasses? I feel like that's in like... You're just like zooming in. That was like zooming in on your camera. Now you're zooming in on...

You have an object for it. I guess I've never thought if I like them. I had them as a kid. Two things people don't appreciate. Magnifying glasses and binoculars. I appreciate binoculars. Binoculars are awesome. Is somebody knocking on the radio door? We're taking a dump in here. What the hell is going on? I didn't like that.

What? What? What is happening? So somebody's knocking on the radio door right now. Oh, did we lock it? Oh, we locked it. Who locked it? Who locked it? Marty might have locked it. The knob may have been clicked in. Was it locked? That's probably it. Yep, it is. Okay, I guess we locked it might be accidentally marty might have locked it may have been clicked in was it locked probably it yep it is i don't okay i guess we locked the door i don't know guys i don't know what the hell was going on in here with the door lock folks but i'll let you know something marty has not only cucked you off the show jared off the show fights

off the show he's now cucked me off the show it's just the one man showing into the the last hour he just took over and did the reads and did the, my man, read the phone number, took us right into break and was like, we'll be right back on CCK.

I was like, what the fuck? I didn't read well. That's the one problem. Hey, listen, Mush, he's a fucking rising star, man. I also,

was it Mush to the Moon, man? Mush to the Moon. It's the worst shirt I've ever seen in my life, but hey. All the 50 cells. Hey. Hey.

If you are one of the 50, please call up. I would love to get inside the brain of someone who bought the Mush to the Moon shirt. I hope we sell 50,000. All those girls that are sliding in your DMs. I was going to eat my lunch during the break. Can't do it because he judges you when you eat.

Down to where your eyebrows are. My mother, when she eats, her eyebrows flap around. What eyebrows flap around what flap around like always flying around when she eats yeah i don't know what it is it's bizarre again i bizarre i wish i could tell you guys what's happened over the last 45 minutes but i don't really know what's the latest with bird girl it's the latest i haven't talked to her much at all yeah i wasn't sure if that's like an ongoing chit chat sort of situation or around the philly girl right now. Pull up your phone. So she's also very hot. God damn it.

What's her issue? There's something, I don't know. He said there's something off about her. So yeah, well, I mean, yes. She's ready to bang Marty Mudd. Something's definitely wrong. I mean, what in the fuck? If you scroll down a little bit, she's got this picture where her girlfriend is like

literally holding her boobs in her hands. Yeah. And Marty was like, maybe I should invite like this girl to bring her friend. I was like, yeah, I'd say you should probably invite the friend. Because I don't like sitting down and actually talking to someone. Like, I don't, I'm not going to care about her job, to be honest. Right. So you want her to do all the chit chat.

Like bring a friend, go to the bar and I'll meet you later. Something like that. But they'll stay with her. So you just, you just want her to. What you're describing is a hook, go to the bar and I'll meet you later. Something like that. So you just, you just want her to, well, you're describing as a hooker. They can be purchased.

You don't want to do any of the work. I don't want to like say, just talk like, I don't hang out with your friends. Come over, fuck me. Like, yeah,

the hooker. He said, he was like, I don't care about their jobs. I don't care about what their day was like. I don't care about any of that. We have now crossed over. Like,

not only is this happening, but now mush is picking and choosing exactly how it's going to unfold. Well, I haven't been on a date. I don't go on dates. I can't do it. We talked all about first dates today. Yeah, I can't. Yeah, I've, like, never been on a date. Yeah, first dates stink.

Probably, like, two dates in my life. It doesn't make any sense. Like, I said that. You should do, like, a schmuck. Just like, oh, and you can't. Like I said, you got to get the right food. I just, I hang out with people until food I just I hang out with people Until like I hang out with people

Until it's just like Oh we're dating now Yeah Like oh okay So I never go on dates Have you never You've never You've never been set up

No Oh Never I've never been set up either You can't get set up It's so scary That's why we're talking about Like Tinder and shit

Yeah You have to be an absolute Insane person To sit there Swipe right like a bastard, and be like, hey, let's get coffee and just meet up like crazy random rats. That makes no sense. It makes no sense to me.

I agree. I agree. I'm with you. I mean, prior to Barstool, where you could just put up a picture of you and your bird and fuck tens, how would you... Would you just walk up to a girl at a bar? Pick up line type shit? No, I can't pick up line. So then what did you do? I literally just go up to them and talk a bar? Yeah, yeah. Pick up line type shit? No, I can't pick up line. So then what did you do? I literally just like just go up to them and talk.

That's really it. Marty would get there mid-sentence. Like, what is happening? So this bastard is, you know. They get so intrigued I think, they're like, what the fuck is going on? The name of the game is just to stand out, you know? Yeah. Like all those stupid lines once came from a point

like, you know, I'm sure like 1982 it stood out out if you said like did it hurt when you fell from heaven like some chick was like wow i've never heard that marty's writing it down yeah actually that was mush mush does pick up lines with his accent would be very funny just send him to the bar like, that's a great dress. What does it look like on my bedroom floor? You know, like all those ones.

I think we got to do The Bachelor. I think I have to, 100%. You know what? We had an idea for a video with Hank way back in the day.

This was in the Milton days and we didn't have the fucking technology. We had the means, the funds, the technology. But it was basically

Hank was going to be mic'd up. Not mic'd up. Yeah, mic'd up and have us in his ear. And we were going to tell him how to talk to women. Yes. Not that we know how to. Right, right.

We weren't going to be giving good advice. Quite literally the blind leading the blind here. No, I like it. I like just the idea of calling it The Bachelor just so he can be The Bachelor. I will spell it ridiculous. Like how I say boss stool with an H. Yes, exactly. The boss stool bachelor.

He also said earlier he wants to be dyslexic so however you can fit that into the bachelor I think you are no I don't think I am because like I said

it just gives you something to do all day like when you're dyslexic you're thinking about numbers and words of how to combine them right I don't think so

I don't know Rudy was like that's Rudy's dyslexic he was in here he was like that's just not how it works I'm not a doctor I don't have a deep knowledge of dyslexia but I don't think so. I don't know. Rudy was like, Rudy's dyslexic. He was in here, he was like, that's just not how it works. I'm not a doctor.

I don't have a deep knowledge of dyslexia, but I don't believe you're just sitting up there like fucking Rain Man all day trying to put numbers and letters together. I feel like that's all you do. I mean, Rudy,

Rudy was sitting right here and he said it wasn't though. But what do I do all day then? Nobody knows, man. Nobody knows. Try to keep your, what is it, keep your tongue in your mouth

and your... Yeah, those your simple things of life. And I don't think he said he should get a, uh, literally a pat on the back every day that he's able to get through the day with his brain. And that is true. I actually, he can keep his,

his tongue doesn't fall out of his mouth. I don't know what that fucking means, but I do think that, uh, it's, it's like, like you, I don't know if you're familiar with,

with my earlier work, Marty, but I was, I was like this naked till you make it lifestyle was, I don't know if you're familiar with my earlier work, Marty, but I was, like, this naked till you make it lifestyle, I'm just fascinated by it. Anybody who is just faking their way through it, and you're not faking it because you just, I mean, you're actually the total opposite. All you do is just talk about how you suck at gambling, and that's just what you do. But, you know, and I could tell when you first started after Idol, you used to openly say,

like, I am so in over my head right now. Like, I got to write blogs. I got to come up with video ideas. But it's fascinating because you're doing it. You're succeeding. You said it in my Idol audition. You were like, you're just going to fake it to make it to get here. And you're going to do the same thing.

I love it. I'll take street smarts over book smarts a thousand times out of a thousand. give me this guy you show me a guy like marty who's got the accent he's got and the fucking like the delivery he's got and the style he's got i'll take him over like a harvard grad any fucking day yeah in this world especially man yeah i don't know my times table but i could i could tell you a good story yeah exactly who gives a fuck about time tables like who needs that shit? Marty's brain is just all over the place. Someone take these calls.

I don't... The yellows? Yeah, let's swap seats. Marty took a call earlier just out of nowhere. He was like, let's go out to the phone line. I was like, what? What's happening?

Let's do it. I mean, people want to talk to Marty. We got Jacob from South Carolina. Talk to Marty Mush. What do you got? Yeah, exactly. Marty's done literally cut Gerald's whole show. Listen,

in any other circumstance, I'd be offended. I'd be upset, but it's like, you know, if you're playing ball and Michael Jordan comes along and just steals, you know, well, I can't compete with Marty right now. He's a goddamn rocket ship. What do you want me to do, Jacob? Yeah, I mean, you really can't fight it.

Like, just the fact that he doesn't know what fucking insta- Goddamn, he's got me fucked up. Insulation. You can't say it. That's it. Insulation.

Insulation. We went through it. We didn't know the difference between installation and insulation. Well, supposedly, the pink shit's itchy. Yes. Supposedly.

Yeah, I mean, I'll break the internet for you right now. You eating like cotton candy? You rolling around in it knowing it's itchy? I mean, I wasn't rolling around in it. My parents treated it like it was toxic. That's what I just said, too. Casey hangs out in attics,

so that doesn't make any sense. Well, are you kidding? We don't have an attic. We don't have basements in Texas. Marty, we have it. This is it right here. That's what she's saying, but it doesn't look itchy. It is. You know what?

Find out. Why don't you just rub your hand all over that? You'll be scratching it all fucking day. You know what it is? It's little bits of fiberglass getting in your skin.

See? We went to what's fiberglass. I see where this is going. We've been down this road, Kevin. We've been right down this road. This is the endless spiral of Marty Bush. It's like a little kid like, but why?

But why? But why? He'll be here for all fucking days. Eric from Philly, you got a thought on The Bachelor? Is this the Marty Bush Bachelor or the real Bachelor? Oh, this is the Kevin and Christina Bachelor. Oh! Things are heating up with my boo.

Kevin, I'm the one that did the stupid picture, the Eric from Philly. So I'm trying to, you made the Photoshop. Yeah. Yo, thank you. But, but I mean, first of all, so Eric, Eric made a, uh, I'm trying brother. Eric made a Photoshop of, uh, who was the, who was the first couple? Pete and Kate Beckinsale, right? Yeah. Yeah. So he, on Pete and Kate Beckinsale, right? Yeah.

So on top was Kate Beckinsale and Pete and then he did the upgrade meme and it was me and the most beautiful girl in the world, Christina Shulman from The Bachelor, Photoshopped in there. And I told her, I quote tweeted, I said, think about it. We could be Hollywood's new it couple. And she wrote something back. And

we had a little repart repartee a little back and forth her tweets don't always make sense man i think you're close whatever i i i'm closer than i was let's just say there's progress being made and and i'll also say this eric a lot of cock-blocking motherfuckers out there and those in my mentions i don't appreciate them one bit you are not that sir that i can't believe that. I can. Let's get over it. Get over it already. I mean, I'm a loser for making the freaking thing. No, you're a hero.

You're a fucking hero and a creative man. I'd go to battle with you any day, Eric. I'll be in a fucking foxhole with you. The rest of these guys, I mean, you know how low it's got to be when you see somebody just throwing out a couple lines to a chick and you just got to bring

up their history and just fucking nuclear bomb that shit. I'm with you guys. A couple times, Marty. Oh, was it just one? Thank you, Eric. I mean, it's been, so here's what happens. Every Monday The Bachelor's on. She gets, you know, has a couple glasses of wine. She gets the Twitter fingers

going. And, uh, yeah, there's been a couple, you know, a couple. So, uh, last night, you know, has a couple of glasses of wine. She gets the Twitter fingers going. And, uh, yeah, there's been a couple, you know, a couple. So, uh,

last night, you know, this dude jumped over the fence. You see this guy called the fence. So I told her, I was like, I jumped over a fence for you. And she wrote back something about jumping over the great wall of China.

I'll be honest. I didn't quite get it. That's pretty funny. I was like, uh, yeah, English is their second language. I didn't quite follow that one.

I was just like, uh, I just sent her back a gift. Someone climbing a wall. I was like, okay, this is me. I didn't quite follow that one. I was just like, I just sent their back a gift. Someone climbing a wall. I was like, okay, this is me. I don't know what to do. So we're getting there. I'll tell you what.

Marty can do, what we should do, Marty used to do The Bachelor, so I'll be a contestant and I'll swoop in. Trash Man from California says he's got a high thought for us. What's up, Trash Man? We went through high thoughts. What up? You guys were talking about high thoughts.

Casey brought up the subject of high thoughts, and it brought back a wild memory of me being 17 years old, going through evolution, stuff, and science. And I was sitting there high as a motherfucker thinking to myself, I'm like, man, dog, dog. Like, they all come from wolves, right? So that means a chihuahua and a wolf have the same DNA? Somewhere along the line.

I think so, man. What did you say? Dog? He just kept saying dog, dogs. Yeah, he's just thinking about dogs. Like, dogs come from wolves is what he's saying. I'm good. I don't know.

That doesn't make any sense to me. Evolution. You know how we, like, come from monkeys? I taught him that last couple weeks ago. Yeah, I don't know. That doesn't make any sense to me. Evolution. You know how we come from monkeys? I taught him that last couple weeks ago. I don't understand that either. You and Kurt Schilling need to sit down and figure some things out. Actually, I'm with you. I don't quite get how it all happens either, but it did.

It's like, why can't I be whatever I want now? Why can't you be an anamorphic? You can't just snap your fingers and transform into one. You understand it took thousands and thousands of years. So is it going to happen in another thousands of years? We will evolve into different things. Probably with technology, we'll be looking like we're going to revert back to, you know, from beast to man. The picture of, I guess, getting taller, upright man.

No, he doesn't. Is that such a lie did you know I was lying last week but we'll eventually we're going to start going the opposite again we're going to start

you don't know the very famous picture of like Darwin's evolution so it's like it starts out like a monkey and then it's on all fours I know Darwinism

you know what what does that mean I just know I know the word I know it's a word it is definitely a word that is true like over the course of time i don't know how either i'm not a scientist but you know monkeys uh some sort of primates they started to evolve and they needed to like walk you know they used to walk on all fours and eventually they started to walk on two feet and then you know, they shed their hair because of this reason and that reason. Next thing you know,

you're Marty Mush. What a world. What a damn world. So crazy. That's what we're talking about. Crazy, like, words and, like, streets and shit are.

You know, Shakespeare just invented, like, hundreds of words. He just didn't make out words. That doesn't make any... I could never read... He's an asshole because I never got to...

I'm going to give you some of his shit. I'll give you some. Yeah, like, some very important words. Everyday words that if he didn't make it up, I don't know what we would be saying in places. I don't know if Deet got the quote or not,

but the way he came up with talking about how words came up was perfect. He was like, you know, this world's just crazy. Like words. Like absolute. Shakespeare invented absolute. Really? Absolute? Addiction.

Arch villain. Assassination. Bedazzled. Shakespeare invented absolute. Really? Absolute? Addiction. Archvillain. Assassination. Bedazzled. So like assassination used to be like somebody. Shakespeare made bedazzled? Yeah. That is cold-blooded. Disheartened.

Like very, very common works. Eventful. Eyeball. I just like assassination. He didn't make up eyeball. That is bullshit. I actually don't think I believe that one inaudible ladybird like some of those make sense eyeball

i would totally buy it who would have made a manager before shakespeare i'm woke on shakespeare pageantry shakespeare was awful you know shakespeare was he was not one person in the year whatever out on that. In the year whatever. Out on that. He comes up with swagger. You fast forward like 2,000 years and you got Soulja Boy out here. Turning his swag on.

Like, that is... You know Shakespeare wasn't just one guy, right? It was like a whole fucking whole operation. Is this a conspiracy theory? Is this like an actual one? Yeah, like it was like... I think there was like one guy kind of behind the idea of it. Like Shakespeare was a theater company?

Yeah, basically. They said it was just like, it's like literally impossible to be like as prolific as he is. Like you just couldn't have written that many works. But what I mean, like Hamilton wrote that shit too. Hamilton wrote like three quarters of the fucking... Maybe he did. He did. Whatever.

Maybe Shakespeare was Hamilton. I forget what it was. What did he write? Like three quarters of? Like all things. I forget what it was. What did he write like three quarters of? Like all things. Hamilton wrote the other 75. He's just written a lot of important shit. That's all that matters. By the way, Mush, the popcorn ceiling,

it boosts the acoustics and it may contain asbestos if installed prior to 1960. Who called it a nipple ceiling? What? You know the hotel ceilings that are all the same? He's saying it's called a popcorn ceiling. And you call them nipple ceilings? Yeah, it's a little nipple ceiling.

Yeah, I mean, I get it. I get it. Let's talk to Jimmy about evolution. What do you got, Jimmy? So just to fill in a little bit, because my brain started to hurt listening to you guys talk, the way the breeding with dogs works is because of human intervention and selective breeding.

So it's not just that every single dog, yes, did come from wolves, but it's like when you start choosing the fluffier dog and then pairing them with fluffier dogs, it speeds evolution up really quickly. Got it. Next. Does he know what he's talking to? He's like articulating his words and shit that sounds smart.

I couldn't, I don't know what the hell he just said. Chad from Minnesota. What do you got, bud? It's Jack from Minnesota. How are you guys doing today on this fine Tuesday? Fantastic. Whenever you're talking to Mush, it's all good. I just wanted to comment on Barstool giving credit for viral videos. I don't know if you guys remember, but I was the Vikings guy.

And you guys gave me credit even though you didn't have to. Even now, like today, if I go in the bank, people ask me, like, are you the Vikings guy? I screamed in his car. I'm like, yeah. And also, Marty, I want to give you a couple picks for tonight for gambling. Take the Minnesota Wild. Before you do that, you go into the bank and people say you're the Vikings guy?

Because if that's true, that's... I'm not even fucking with you. It happens because I always wear my Vikings hat everywhere. The Vikings guy. Maybe just because you wear the hat. I don't know. But don't let anyone tell you that yet. He went pretty viral, so you never know, man.

Give him your picks. So, Marty, I have the Minnesota Wild plus one and a half versus Nashville Knight and under five and a half. Also, hey, Casey. Hi. What the shit is that? He's just shooting his shot, man. Don't fucking hate.

No, I liked it. Don't fucking hate. He has a smooth voice, too. All right, let's take a break. When we come back, a couple more calls. Have a good one, Jack. You, too, brother. Mush, hang out for a minute, man.

There's just a lot more to dig into. We'll be back after the break on Parody5. Turn my swag on. Took a lick and a mirror. Say what's up. Yeah. I'm getting my leg. Oh. Turn my swag on. Thank you.