KFC Radio - More Fire: Roster Changes (best of CCK featuring Marty mush and "Louise")

Episode Date: February 25, 2019

The week opened with Poop Girl (fka Gun Girl) and closed with Robert Kraft getting arrested for soliciting prostitution. Kayce gives us an update on "Louise" who called in to ask about her roster. Marty Mush fills in with Kayce and the conversation goes off the rails.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Alright, uh, week 12 or some shit of Clancy and the Rockets. These weeks are just blending together. Weeks become months, months become years. It just feels like it's been a goddamn lifetime at this point. Uh, we got, I mean, this was a massive week. This was a big week. This is

going to be a good podcast. Between Gun Girl to Start Things Off. The bookends are Gun Girl, Bob Craft Handjob. In the course of five business days, we went from Gun Girl to Rob Craft getting a handjob at a

$59 massage parlor. I honestly thought that last week's podcast was going to be hard to top because we started the week off with kyle van noy coming in and ended it with being drunk or we didn't even remember recording the extra segments for more fire this week i mean and those are just facts like bc's laughing over there like i text you when i heard it i was like holy shit i was drunk last friday yeah i don't know if that can happen again but it will but this week has been something i mean that that quickly got dethroned it lasted literally just one week uh in between gun girl and bob craft we talked about we had a spirited discussion about uh rosters as you put it the the uh number of guys a girl can be talking to at once

and it goes both ways but i feel like girls are more with the roster of guys that they rotate in and out no see i actually think it's the opposite i learned that term from my guy yes but i'm saying guys are like whatever yeah i'm just fucking all these girls or i'm trying to fuck all these girls girls will be like who's on the roster who's off the roster he's got you know he's bumped up a spot this guy's now on the bench it's like a thing and you start like feeling guilty about things like should i move this guy off it is a one of my best guy friends in houston was who really started getting down like with the roster thing with me he'd be like yeah i put this girl on the bench or she's promoted to the starting five like he was really using the metaphors and it's just stuck with me but i mean yeah it's been

a week well it wasn't it wasn't your guy friend that we spoke to but we spoke to one of your girlfriends who i uh i gave her the student name louise yeah i don't even know where that came from i i don't i mean i said we got to give her a fake name and like the most ridiculous name that i could possibly think of that popped into my head was louise that's my mom's middle name see it is i picked my mom has nothing to do with this i was gonna say let's leave your mom out of it my sister was on the last podcast let's just leave this keep the family out of it uh we talked to louise about her her roster and it goes from you know fly outs to locals good bad ugly sounds like like Louise just wants to be a little bit slutty and wants the confirmation that she's allowed to do so.

And she is. It's 2019. But we're going to hear from Louise after that segment. We got an update for you. Don't get me started on gun girl again. What is your girlfriend's dating? So she has a roster and her question is, is so she's like starting to sleep with the second guy. What is it? What is it? Like a roster, And her question is, so she's, like, starting to sleep with the second guy. What is a roster?

Like a dating roster. Like a dating roster. You know, like, she's got, like, a few guys on the roster. She's a little hussy. But she's not exclusive with any of them. And she was only having sex with one. And now she's starting to have sex with the second person. And she's, like, when does the second person and she's like when does it

then when does the roster need to be like dwindled down to one as from a guy's standpoint i i i don't know i mean this is not a question i really am going to ask what do you mean like oh you're saying for the guy i would never ask that like i could be married to a woman and i would never ask like hey, hey, are you sleeping with other people? Well, no, no, I guess, I guess from, like, a guy. It's just an awkward conversation I'd rather not have. So, like, you never would have an exclusive conversation? No, I think it's just implied.

I think it's just, it's kind of one of those things that. Okay, when is it implied then? Then that's a better, when is it implied that it's exclusive? When you start hanging out, like, sober and regularly. I think the thing is, you start hanging out a sober and regularly i think the thing is you start hanging out a couple times a week or like or frequently each week and then there's like only only and there's only so many other days to be hanging out with other people you know what i mean so it's like i think i saw you once during the week and then i saw you once during the weekend

and like i knew you had like a work thing one other night so there's only like a couple other nights like were you fucking somebody else on those nights because it just starts to feel like there's not enough time in the world, in your life, to figure out. So you just assume that it's exclusive. I feel like I kind of would. Once we do things that aren't alcohol-based, I assume it's exclusive. Really?

Yeah. For both of you? I would assume, yeah. Yeah? Yeah. If I hang out with you sober, you're not going to fuck anybody else? If we're going to a movie. Like, hey, you want to go to a movie tonight? But, okay, so you're going to stop

fucking people, but you're not going to be like, we're together, right? It's just like I'm respectfully hooking up with you. Yeah, I guess. I think at that point, I would deem it that we are talking. Yeah, I like the talking catch-all is great.

There's also seeing. What's the like the talking catch-all is great. I'm talking to that girl. There's also seeing. What's the difference between talking and seeing? Frequency. Seeing is dating, I think. Yeah, like I think talking is like there's, you know, the occasional meet-up, hook-up, more conversing, texting, sexting. Seeing is like I feel like I see you like multiple times pretty frequently.

Right. And then dating is like. Exclusive. You're not seeing anybody else or multiple times pretty frequently. Right. And then dating is like... Exclusive. You're not seeing anybody else or talking to anybody else. Yeah. Well, so her issue is she's like, none of these guys have said... Well, because there's two of them

that she's literally just gone on a couple of first dates with, like via social media apps or whatever, dating apps. But the one guy she's going to see this weekend, he's flying her out to see him. Oh, the fly-out culture to see this weekend he's flying her out to see him so he's flying her out but they don't talk on a daily basis like they talk like maybe once a week every couple weeks but he's flying her out but then the guy that she just started sleeping with lives in her city so like she's around him more she's like i don't know what the fuck to do and they don't talk much but he's flying her out for like, what, a night, a weekend?

A weekend, like three nights. That's crazy to me. Like, they have like a concerts planned and everything, but it's like a fun time. But like, they're not exclusive. And she's like, OK, so like, do I tell the guy at home that's also not exclusive that I'm doing this? Like, if somebody told me if we if we were talking seeing whatever and someone was like hey i'm going away this weekend this guy's flying me out i'd be like okay peace yeah we're not talking but it was already planned before they started talking but i'm just saying that

sometimes you have to change plans i'm just putting out the facts on the table fellas the fly out to me is funny because i think that either means like, wow, your relationship's going into like hyperdrive. Like one weekend's going to account for like six months basically because you're going to go to a concert. You're going to sleep over and you're going to do this and that. Or it means like we're just, I'm just flying here to smash. You know what I mean? To me, fly out's one or the other. I'm treating you like a hooker or I'm treating you like a girlfriend.

I would lean towards this is a smash. You think? I would think so. If you have concerts and shit planned. And he's also flown to visit her before, too. So they're in a long-distance relationship, John. Ah, jealous. Yeah, John loves long-distance relationships.

So there's just no answer for her. No, I mean, I would say. I would not tell the other guy. No, I would not tell either guy either story. But it sounds like she wants to just be done with the flyout dude and see the guy in her city more. She's like, if nobody wants to be exclusive, then why would I cut the roster?

Then do your thing. Oh, I thought it was like she was trying to pick one. No. I don't think they're going to ask. She was more concerned if it's a slutty move to start sleeping with the other guy i think well it's probably a little bit yeah but whatever like there is there will definitely be guys who are like wait you're like hooking up with this guy and you flew across the country to fuck another guy and then

come back like yeah it's slutty yeah whatever i mean some people are gonna call that call it slutty some people i mean some people are gonna call a spade a spade well yeah you just have to like embrace your sluttiness right now but guys have rosters guys like i have never the the word roster has been i saw in that awkward moment i've never heard it used in the wild i do not use in the wild i've never had a roster yeah i mean i think sex is stupid yeah but you maybe not a roster but i feel like you have yeah we're out on sex sex is very very played out. Sex is so dumb. It's just so complicated. You guys have a sex podcast.

Yeah, we talk about how much we don't like. What do you mean it's played out? It's old hat. If you're still fucking, you're gay. You are. If you're still fucking, you're a child. Okay? Grow up and stop fucking. You're right. I should

have never asked you guys dating questions you know it's just such a production like did you come did you not are you faking it did you like it are you hooking up with someone else what do i do about this other girl i gotta clean up like it's a whole fucking thing yeah it's much easier just to be alone just masturbate so much less just so sad oh let me ask you this just so sad for the both of you i want a girl's perspective okay we were talking out of our asses a minute ago for barcelo gold it was like the words were coming out of our assholes because we don't know what we're talking about uh my thought my theory i'll start with what i know for sure for a guy coming is coming like whether i am masturbating or whether I'm having sex with a girl.

Okay. The actual, call it orgasm. I think it's funny when a guy has an orgasm. But the actual, like, nut will feel the same. Okay. Now, if the sex is awesome and we're doing a lot of kinky shit in between and it's a lot of fun, that's awesome, like, mentally. But, like, the feeling on my dick, gonna be the same. How does that translate for girls?

It's not the same. Right. So we were right. We were fucking right. Oh, you guys just guessed and you're just like... Well, I was just like, listen, I have no idea

what the fetal orgasm feels like. Definitely not the same. But the same, like the way that it's like my masturbation orgasm will feel exactly the same. I feel like a girl's like, I'd rather have sex with a guy.

And I think that's why it's easy for us to be on sex. Yeah. Is it? Yeah, no. We get this anyway. Well, it also depends on like the situation, like how into it you are. Yeah, like why it's easy for us to be on sex. Yeah. Is it? Yeah, no. We get this anyway. Well, it also depends on, like, the situation, like, how into it you are. Yeah, like, if it's good, I don't say good sex.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's different. Right. So we know that. Definitely different. That's where guys are able to give up sex, like, whatever. Thank you fucking God once again. Shout out to the man for making me a man.

It's also different, too, because we've talked about this. I'm so happy I don't have to deal with that bullshit. It's also different if, like, you're hooking up with somebody that can't do it for you, then you have to do it. Then it's like, okay, well, you're just here. Yeah, you're just a body. But, yeah, no, it's definitely different for girls. Yeah, so that's why I feel like you're like, you can't give up sex.

It's good. I mean, you can't give it up. You just can't. You can't do it. Let's talk to Liam. He's got advice for your friend. Liam from Georgia. What up, bud?

KFC, what's up man i'm the guy who made you uh equal your money on the patriot bet oh nice man cool yeah i'm sorry i gotta get out the fucking jersey to cash that check and it says i have a year to do it so i'm like it's gonna take a long time yeah it'll be a while before i catch that jack it's cool but hey i just wanted to say i feel like if you're talking to someone and you're embarrassed to tell them about what you're doing that weekend it's probably wrong so if she doesn't that's a good uh barometer yep yeah i agree with that i i feel that. But the problem is that I feel like girls are more prone to get ahead of

themselves on that. Stereotypically speaking. Generally speaking. Either person can. But like a guy could go to a girl and be like yeah I got plans this weekend and it could be a catastrophe for the girl. Whereas I think it's vice versa if it's early on enough. The guy will be like alright whatever. Yeah that makes sense. I guess it's like but that is a good like you know you're at least

approaching it when you're like i'm gonna get in trouble if she knows this you know what i mean yeah but i also feel like if you even if i was going on like a first date with a guy and i had plans to go somewhere with another guy that weekend like i would still feel weird just being like oh yeah like this weekend i'm going to hang out with a dude i don't necessarily know if that's like a barometer of yeah you i mean you can't you shouldn't be like an asshole to someone it's like hey it's just the first date so i'm gonna tell her tell her i'm like hooking up with someone else this weekend but i think you know whether you are whether it's reasonable for you to be like quote unquote in yeah that's fair you know all right i'll relay that she wanted to call in and

ask herself i was like i think I'll just do it. Come on, call in. You want her to call in? Yeah. All right. I'll tell her to call in. I'll tell her to call in. She's got to paint a little, you know, a little color.

All right. Which one do you like better? And if you want to give up one, do you not want to give up one? All right. I'm going to have her call in. Or are you just slutty? Whatever. You know what I mean?

You guys have to ask her all these questions. That's the name of the game. You want to find out? Okay. I'm going to text her right now. We're going to get brutally honest with you. It's a dicey world. It's a dicey world.

Especially with online dating apps and shit where it's like, you're going to go on four dates a week if you want. Thank God I never got into those. I haven't even considered the idea that I could right now. I'm like, oh, I'm just not doing that. It must be so expensive. Going on a lot of dates here. Have you seen the girls in New York that use it

for free meals? They do the dates at lunch and dinner, and the guys, they don't think they're really interested in. They do lunch dates so that they'll get their lunch paid for, and then they go out at night for dinner. What's the call-in number she's going to call in? We just texted to you.

Okay, perfect. I'm going to have her call in. The snake and seed make it with those girls, but God damn, that's grimy. I don't think so. I got no problem with it. You think it's- I don't think that me buying you a meal is like you owe me anything. We were talking about this yesterday.

I'm very shabby. Buying drinks and shit for girls. You are. Like there is an expectation. But you also don't like sex, so. Yeah. So you don't have the expectations for sex. You ain't even gonna try to fuck you.

I'm, yeah, I'm the dream guy for these girls. Like, yeah, you want dinner? Okay. See you later.

Yeah, but you don't got the money. You run out of money. That's the thing. I think if you pick your targets well, it's like if you, you know, you got some like,

big kahuna who's gonna take you out to like a nice lunch, like whatever. That if you pick your targets, well, it's like if you, you know, you got some like big kahuna who's going to take you out to like a nice lunch, like whatever. That's just like a fucking two way. Yeah, that's her. Okay. What's her name?

We're going to keep that quiet. Okay. Let's give her a fake name. You gave her a fake name. You want to give her a fake name? Casey. No. What the fuck?

Louise is on the line. What's up, Louise? How are you? Hi. What's up, Louise? How are you? Yes, hi. Good, how are you? Good. So Casey just gave us a rundown of the situation you're in.

If it sounds right, there's a handful. You tell me. You tell me where you're at. I mean, it's an ideal situation. I mean, I'm really not complaining about it. I don't know. I feel like I have a couple options. I have a bench currently and I'm kind of, you know, I was telling, I was telling Casey that I don't know if I should feel guilty, but at the same

time, like I don't at all, but at the same time, maybe I should. And Helen and I were talking about it last night and I'm kind of like, well, like when do I you know they am I going to be the one that needs to make you know moves do I need to make establishments or do I just leave one of the guys to step up and say hey I want to be with you collectively I don't know I'm kind of you know kind of going with the flow I would guess that like no guys no one's gonna say that I mean I wouldn't say it not because like I want to remain on like the edge I say that. I wouldn't say it, not because I want to remain on the edge. I wouldn't say it because it's just an awkward conversation. Well, there's a couple reasons.

I could see a guy calling up this show being like, I'm hooking up with this girl. I'm pretty sure she's hooking up with other guys, but I don't really care. It's a good situation. Should I do anything about it? It's like, yeah, just ride that wave. I also think there's plenty of guys who just don't want to have any sort of confrontation at all where you have to have an awkward conversation. But then there are also going to be guys too, though though where they don't want girls hooking up with anybody else

yeah but that's like i mean if if it do you think that there's any guys right any of those guys right now or like want to be with you in a relationship because i think you only bring that conversation up when you're like i want to be with like be with you and it will hurt me if you're with other people i don't think you bring that up until you hit that point. Because, like, one of them, you know, it's only been one date. Another one, it's been a couple days. Another one, there's been some hookups. And another one, kind of a similar situation.

Look at you. DJ Khaled over here. Look at Louise go. My number one. Go, Louise, go. I'm living my best life in 2019 and i guess so then fuck it then then don't worry about any of this okay i said that i said he's flying you out this weekend to visit him the fourth one and they're like well that changes everything i i do think the fly out

is like you're gonna you're gonna be with him for like a whole weekend you're like planning events you're doing things together. You're sleeping over a couple nights. That either can just be like, yo, I'm flying this girl out to smash, or that's like all of a sudden you guys, one party might like the other one by Sunday night. Yeah, I think it's going to be the first option. I think we're just kind of going to eat. My girl! My girl! Option A.

So, like, you know, we're doing the old switcheroo, and I'm coming to visit him. But, like, then at the same time... Oh, detail, though. Detail here. He was her wedding date. And they spent New Year's Eve together. Oh, wait a minute, Louise. You're dating. You have a husband. You have a boyfriend.

Yeah, I mean, you did some major shit with this guy. Now he's flying you around. You're flying to him. We haven't talked that much since then. Like, hardly at all. Right. So I don't know. You have a husband.

Is that how that works? Oh, my God. It's so easy. No, it's not. I can assure you. I would say that you should just do your thing. And like, you're not really lying to anybody. There's no...

Do they follow you on social media? Yeah, is this going to blow up in your face? And do you even care? No. No. I mean, you know, it's a good scenario. I've had a good time. How many details...

Louise, let's get your number. I was just going to say. What are you doing this weekend, girl? Yeah. Can I share all details right now? Sure. The guy at home, like where she she lives is also her co-worker so if it blows up with her being with the guy on the road louise you are a maniac you are a baddie

you are a baddie um i mean i didn't plan it this way. No, you never do. Life just happens. You never do, Louise. You never do. Is there one of them or a couple of them that are better than the other? Like, are you flying around for, like, I'm going to fly there for mediocre sex or the guy in my coworker right next to me can throw down? I would say if I had to choose, it would probably be the one back home, the one that probably has the biggest issues if things were to go bad,

the coworker. But, I mean, there's also another one. There's another one who's pursuing more, and I hate to say it, but it's kind of like, eh, it's too easy. And then there's the one that I've been on the first date that I'm kind of like, okay, there's definitely attraction there, there's chemistry, but we don't know each other that well. But we do have a mutual friend in common, so it's kind of like, okay, I know a little bit more about him. I know he's not just some random stranger, so I have somebody to vouch for him. So I don't know.

Oh, my God. to vouch for him. So I don't know. I'm interested to see how things are going to happen when I get back home. Yeah. I mean, are you going to go social media dark? Like I assume they follow you on Instagram or something, right? Yeah. We definitely all follow each other. So like when you go out and you're just going to post a picture of your wine glass at the bar, but it's not with anybody. You're just supposed to be solo or with a girlfriend or something?

I like to keep the air of mystery. Yeah, you do. Several airs of mystery. There were no answers here, by the way. I think you ride this with the full expectation that someone or maybe two are going to find out and you might have to have a tough conversation or a little bit of a blow up. But look, everything ends messy.

Nothing ends. Every relationship you're ever going to get into is going to go sour. So just fuck all these guys wherever and whenever you want until it blows up and then find more. And then just deal with the blow up when it happens. Everything in the whole world. Your life ends messy. Everyone poops themselves when they die. On to the next.

That's future Louise's problem. Future Louise's problem. I think the journey is the reward. The only as the minute I feel like you think that you're like, you're going to hurt someone and you care that you hurt someone until you hit that point. Just ball out. That's true.

That's what I'm saying. So how about this? I should probably call back in next week and let you know how the week is. Yes, you should. Yes, we need that. Yes, you should. You should also just call me. I'll give you my number.

This call was like What's that? I said we can exchange numbers and then like if you want to hang out or meet up or whatever, I mean, there's still, you know, there's plenty of room. I don't know if there is. I mean, how big is the boat, Louise? Are we talking

like a football team here? Like a 53-man roster? How many people are on the bench? We'll just tack them on. We'll see. See what I can do. We will find out. Alright. Keep us posted on this weekend, and you do your thing. That was like, that call was in, you know, in the

Equalizer, when Denzel goes to the woman's house, and when he leaves, he's like, he was just asking for permission. And that's what this call was. Yeah, she just wanted confirmation. You don't want advice. You wanted permission to be a little hussy. Permission granted.

She just texted me and she goes, what a disaster. I mean, the coworker twist. Oh, and here's another twist. She's not on the line anymore, but this is an even better twist. So the coworker was her best friend. And the coworker and the guy that she's going to see this weekend,

the three of them were, like, going out together. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's scary. And, like, at the time, she didn't know. Like, at the time, she wasn't hooking up with the coworker. The coworker was just her friend. And then they started hooking up. And so now it's, like like the three of them had all

been out together and stuff. You know when some people like getting caught, like the voyeurism? That's what Louise is like. I think she likes to watch the world burn. She likes to touch the fire. It's hot, it's hot, don't touch. She has to be getting off on the idea

that this is definitely going to blow up. Almost like 100%. I'm going to be honest, in the idea that this is definitely going to blow up almost like 100%. I'm going to be honest. In the conversation that I had with her last night, I don't think she thinks that's going to happen. Or no, no, no, no. She's a confident girl. She's got two friends. No, no, no.

They're not friends. They're not friends. Oh, they've gone out to you. The guy flew in to where she lives, and the of them were going out like on the weekend and the co-worker slash best friend slash now fuck buddy knew that they were together now he doesn't care and now he doesn't care but see he is gonna be like hey remember that dude that flew in for the weekend you fucked let's go like if he if he likes her which i'm assuming if you're a co-worker and all that shit like you probably there's some feelings but then then he's gonna eventually

be like is that's all going on if he's catching feelings yeah that's what i think that was the whole point was just like okay so like do you just cut the roster immediately or what i think i think i gave the best advice as usual once yeah once you start doing sober stuff then it's time to not everyone is as drunk as you are john no but i actually i can vibe with that like not everyone is as drunk as you are well that's fair but but I actually, I can vibe with that. Not everyone is as drunk as you are. Well, that's fair. Not the best panel right now. What about like Netflix and chilling type of thing though?

Yeah, I think that's not as, I don't know. Like just come over to hang out. And it's not like a weird, you know, exclusive. Like if we go do something, like you can know when you're doing something couple-y. Yeah, you do, but I don't think that means like, well, we're sober and watching TV together, so we are now exclusive. That's where my bar is, too. Is that it? Sober? Sober, I guess.

Yeah, but are we not actively destroying our bodies? Okay, I guess we kind of care about each other. We actually have things to talk about. Girls, too, this might not be a guy's thing girls think about it too from like if it starts getting where you're like getting ready with them or like brushing your teeth and shit like at the same time like that's like a girl thing it's like we were like that's couple-y like you don't do that with somebody you don't really like i can see that does that make sense yeah i don't know i'm just thinking about my own personal

self i mean i just i just know that i always get like cutesy and nice and friendly. And I'm like, well, I like doing that. But now it's putting out this vibe that we're like together all of a sudden. And it just becomes like, don't be nice. Just fly about and smash them. That was the funniest moment of the whole conversation. Yeah, I think it's the first one. I mean, she tells it how it is. she tells it how it is she tells it how it

is good for louise uh let's hit a break when we come back a little extended segment to wrap up uh the day here before chicks in the office take over cck feature and final burg on power d5 Don't want to be a player no more. I think I found someone I can live my life for. Don't want to be a player no more. I think I found someone I can live my life for. Listen, girl, I'm yours and mine for sure. Okay, so we know we know where louise is at sounds like sounds like she wants to just bang all these guys no see that that is where i will stand up for her now i think that's absolutely an element of that but she is looking for a relationship at some point she's not trying to force it but she's not just like oh i'm just to go hook up with all these people.

She does want to be in a relationship moving forward. She's 30 years old. She wants that, whatever. She just is not going to put the pressure on it because that hasn't worked out in the past for her. Let the game come to you. Let the game come. So obviously four different guys are in the mix. Two of them seriously.

One she is currently out of town with as we speak. He flew her out. The one at home, which I think we talked about it on the segment, that's kind of the one she's more interested in. You know, like there's the co-worker element. Works with him, lives near him, can see him often. They have a little bit of history hanging out. They were best friends, like very close friends before. Goodness gracious.

This is going to end in disaster. Oh, you wait, Kevin. You ready for this update? Hit me with the update. So she was visiting me this week. And she's just going to hate me because now everybody's going to know who she is. But she was in New York this week. So she was with me on Wednesday night.

We had had a few glasses of wine, a few bottles of wine, whatever. And we're talking about God knows what. And her face, she looks at her phone and her face just drops. I was like, alright. Spill, what the fuck is going on? I'm going to feel bad if someone heard our show. Is that what it is? Oh no. Okay. They're going to now. I feel bad now because now they're going to know who she is.

I didn't even say she was in New York. I didn't say anything. Now people are probably going to know. She has a group text. Group chat. I'm telling you a little bit. It pops off in the group chat with all of her coworkers and close friends from home that they, you know, they talk about planning out, whatever. And they all, for some reason, share their locations. Now, I don't understand that. I'm not a big, like, location sharer.

My best friend has it that lives in New York because if I go missing, I want her to know where I am. And my parents have it. Again, I don't care if they know where I'm at, just in case I'm missing. They all share it. The guy that she is talking to slash, your face is so cringeworthy right now. The guy that she is at home, the one that she likes, sent a video in the group chat of this girl.

She's at a bar, she's sitting on like a bar stool. Clearly is with her. And Kevin, when i tell you that this girl was a smoke this girl was so hot so hot and it's her like the phone is like right up next to her face she's got her tits out and she's like dancing and like he clearly didn't mean to send it to this group yeah Yeah. She then. And wait, that's the guy. That she's like talking to. From home. From home. The one that she's like into.

The one that she kind of likes. Yeah. And all her coworkers. So he meant to send a video of some chick to his boys or whatever. Sends it to the wrong group chat with the girl, with Louise, who he's hooking up with in the group chat. And everyone in the group chat knows that him and Louise hooked up because like the kind of the cat got out of the bag.

So like this is the wrong group chat. It had to have been the wrong group chat. So then she shows it to me and her immediate reaction is like, this girl looks not great. And I'm like, yeah. Oh, she's not hot? It's a girl reaction, right?

But you're like, this chick's a fucking rocket. An 11 out of 10. No offense. So she's just spin zoning like, well, he's with some other girl, but she's like a six. And you're like, no, this is the hottest girl ever. Yeah. And she didn't say a six because you can't call a girl that looks like that a six. But like, but you can. I'm just trying to figure out how to spin zone this.

Because like, again, she's not in an exclusive relationship with this guy. He's not doing anything wrong, but he's kind of doing anything. Yeah. relationship with this guy but at the same time he's not doing anything wrong but he's kind of doing anything so she goes to the info on the group chat and sees everyone's location and realizes that he had also gone out of town to be with a girl that weekend

so she was trying to hide that she was going out of town so they're both flying out he was also trying to hide that he was out of town with another girl and just happened to send it in the wrong group chat. So that guy probably realized what he did and was like, oh, fuck. I haven't had. Not realizing that she was also kind of like.

Doing her dirt, too, like that to me, that's just like offsetting penalties. Yes, but like. Yes. And in theory and Louise is like understanding understanding of that like she was more just like what the fuck in the moment yeah like she was like look like i'm obviously flying out too but it was more of the fact that rational it it took a few hours to get there it took a few i mean again there are a lot of alcohol involved and a lot of just like god i don't know what to say right but she my her whole thing was is this guy who she thought a relationship may eventually come because of how close they were was just like putting it in her face.

So then she's like, oh, this is even more casual than I thought. But that was probably more of a mistake. Well, right. But I actually haven't talked to her about it since. So I don't necessarily – that's probably a bad friend move by me. I probably should be like, are you good? I think that he sent that to the wrong group. if he could have that one back he would and he didn't want to throw it in her face maybe or maybe he's just an asshole I don't know yeah that's

what I'm saying if if it's not if it's intentional that's just an asshole move right it's just like fuck you I there have been relationships or like whatever you call them that I've been in with guys that are just complete assholes and none of them have done something like that yeah right that is a that's just straight up just like i mean that's also that's also like shooting yourself in the foot if you've had some sort of thing going and you want to like hey when we're home we hook up it's like you just probably ruined that yeah with that move or maybe that you know the crazy girl mind or maybe and again i don't I can't speak for her. Come looking for more.

Maybe she's just going to be like, oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to wind up. Oh, yeah? Well, I got some shit that I'm going to show you. She's going to send something back to the group chat. Yeah. Oh, that's absolutely going to happen. I wish that she could add me on the group chat because group chats, as much fun as they are –

They're so dangerous. They are so dangerous because you just don't know. Honestly, just phones and texting in general, the amount of times I'm the king of like, I will text you when I'm talking about you sort of thing. Or I'll come very close. See, I haven't had that with my iPhone as much. It doesn't matter what phone. I'll just be like, all right, I'm going to text like, man, Casey's a fucking bitch.

And I realized that I'm fucking sending it to Casey. I'm like, whoa, that was a close one. That was a close one. But it comes fucking close very often. It used to happen to me with the Nokia brick phones back in the day when we first started texting. Because you couldn't, like, obviously you're looking at a tiny little screen. And your brain wasn't in, like, text mode yet. I got in so many cat fights, like, verbally.

I'd never gotten an actual physical fight. But I would get myself in trouble because I would be talking at 13 years old 14 years old talking about another girl and then sending it to them and on those phones there was no damage control you could be like it you'd be like oh my god I'm sending that you can't do it I don't I haven't done that on my iPhone I've accidentally sent things to group text I shouldn't like like there's so many of them yeah the worst is too I'll have a group chat that has like three people and then i'll have a group chat that has those three people plus a fourth you know what i mean so i i i'm like all right yeah that's the group chat not realizing it's the one with the fourth member who like shouldn't be seeing that you know that's why you maybe

shouldn't have group chats with the person that you're just casually hooking up with with your voice like that's the thing with this is like like what is that group chat i don't i don't really have many mixed group chats i had one that i was in when i was living in texas and it at first it started of all of us just being like social friends and then as the group everybody starts fucking each other and it became there was people like unadding people out of it kicking people out it was like what are we do this is the messiest thing man group chats i mean do we really need to be able to just mass text everybody to the point that we're going to include so many people which can cause drastic problems yeah because then because you know why because then alex sophia and i wouldn't have a show yeah we need that capability thursday nights catch alex sophia and casey talking shit. Catch up with the rest of last week.

Like I said, Gone Girl. Who would you want to have a threesome with in Hollywood? Guys and girls. Fights joined us the whole week, which is always just a whole other bag of tricks. Marty Mush. I'm looking forward to the Mush content because I haven't heard any of it. Yeah, we were out the whole time.

Electricity. That guy is something. And you can listen to him again today uh as you're after you're done catching up with the best of we'll be out again for the monday episode of cck so we're out mush is in it's gonna come in for therapy and i think louise is gonna call in and tell us how the weekend went oh shit yeah she did send me a snapchat this morning of his place it's a pretty pretty nice place, so. Hey, I got that going for you. Yeah, there you go. Maybe that's a silver lining. Shout out to Louise. Word to Louise. You're doing

good, girl. We'll see you guys live next week. Power 85, 1 to 3, CCK. Maybe Jaren's back. Maybe he's not. Who knows? He might have died. Come get some. Kevin. Kevin. Kevin. Kevin. Kevin. You're just ridiculously stupid.

Welcome, welcome, welcome. Is this Kevin? Welcome back. Oh yeah man, how you doing? You good? I know you like that. I know you like that. I know you like that. Come on, you've been back. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome.

I see big girls. Ah, let's go. It's Monday fucking afternoon. And sometimes you never know what's going to happen, Casey Smith. Jared is, I don't know, he's doing some baseball shit. Apparently. I kind of forgot that he wasn't going to be here. I was like, oh, it's spring training't know, he's doing some baseball shit. Apparently, I kind of forgot that he wasn't going to be here

and I was like, oh, it's spring training. Yeah, he's doing some baseball shit, so he's out. Forgot about that until now. So it's me and Casey. No Feidelberg. We don't know where he is.

Fights are supposed to be here at 11 to film KFC Radio. Nowhere to be found. So he could be dead. How often does this happen? Not that often. This is, there's always a chance that fights are going

to miss a flight or something like that. But usually he comes to work. I mean, usually he records the podcast, the Superbowl Sunday or Monday, whatever day it was. And I thought he was dead. Yeah. That, that, that's a typical fights thing. When, when he's supposed to be getting on a flight, he always cuts it short.

Usually he just comes to work, but nothing from him. No response. So, uh, I mean, I've been doing blogging, podcasting and radio for about a decade now. And, uh, one of the things I used to think of when I first started was like, I was like, what if there's just nothing one day? What if there's nothing to write about one day? What if there's no controversy to, to, to explore? What if there's no drama? What if the internet's just empty one day and every single time it proves to me that there's just no such thing? No such thing.

And you just never know what's going to come next. And in a matter of, let's call it maybe 12 hours between me discovering the rumor that gun girl pooped herself at a party. And now, well, now we're set up for a feud for the ages. Now we're set up for another KFC Twitter war. The likes of blindos and hondos and everyone else I've ever gotten to battle with. So Caitlin Bennett is her name. The AKA gun girl. The gun girl. The, a.k.a. Gun Girl. The Gun Girl. The Gun Girl.

You know her. If you're a fucking internet degenerate like the rest of us, you troll around Twitter all day long. You know Gun Girl. She is this chick from Kent State University, I believe. I think so. Who, she just walks around with a fucking gun everywhere. She's very pro open carry. About her Second Amendment bullshit. And, I mean, she's just got to be the her second amendment bullshit and uh i mean she's

just got to be the most insufferable person on the planet not even like i mean politics aside agree disagree that girl just sucks it's like all she does is this like i like my gun shtick and that's all she is she's the most one-dimensional like like i said insufferable person that i maybe have ever come across on the internet because she's that bad where it's like, this is what you've chosen to do with your life. And there's so many people that agree with second amendment stuff. I mean, again, from Texas, understand all, all for, you know, whatever you want to believe

about gun control. But if you are going to put it on the internet and you're going to be so in front of anybody's faces, whether you're one side or the other, you're going to catch shit for it. Right. I mean, at this point, that's the thing. It's like ultimately what, so let me just paint the picture. So the rumor going around is that, that gun girl shit herself at a party. First of all, where did you see this?

Was it all on Twitter? Yeah, of course. Like, okay. Where all the like okay where all greatness occurs casey twitter.com i i figured but i just was kind of hoping that somebody sent you like a tip so i was like kevin i know you don't like gun girl yeah uh there's just a couple videos of guys running up on her being like hey i'm here with like caitlyn bennett and she thinks she's about to do like a regular interview and they're like is it true that you shit your pants

actually zada we have those clips yep we got one drop them hi everyone i'm here with caitlin bennett uh aka gun girl right is it true that you shit yourself at a kent state party it's not is it true that you just lied she's lying she's lying all right now play the second one the second one's even funnier this guy just yelling at her hey cait, how does it feel having the whole world know that you pooped your pants? You pooped your pants. The way he says that just kills me. Reminds me of the damn Daniel kid, the way he says, you pooped your pants. Oh, damn, Daniel.

That's a throwback. So there's this rumor going around that gun girl pooped herself, which is just, it just brings me so much joy. It's so sophomoric. It's so stupid. And it it just brings it just puts such a big smile on my face knowing that this girl who is such a fucking joke but everybody but she thinks she's so important and she takes herself so seriously and she's convinced she's doing this like good god's work for the political rights of the america blah blah blah. And it's just like, well, you've been completely rendered a total joke because everyone just thinks you shit yourself at a party. It is very sophomore, Kevin.

I will give you that. So that's what's so perfect is that the only way to combat Twitter trolls like her are to stoop down to the same level. Like, this girl, all she will do is troll around college campus, like, looking for someone who disagrees with her, or spouting off, like, you know, the ridiculous stats that are so framed in a way that make guns look amazing and all that shit. Like, if you're going to just do that and make your whole existence gun girl, well, then you're going to get the same shit on the other side for people who hate you and want to tear you down

and are going to say that you pooped yourself at a party. And that's what I was saying. Like, regardless of what side you take of anything political or like social issues, if you are insufferable about it, Republican, Democrat, whatever, people are going to come at you. They're going to come at you with anything like Tommy Lahren, who has made a career off. And honestly, Tommy's queen. Tommy is queen of this shit. Like Britt McHchenry tries to to uh to replicate it nobody gun girl would love to be tommy larren tommy larren is queen she knows

exactly what the fuck she's doing i don't agree with her i don't think i would ever uh sell out completely the way she did for for for the for the fame and the money and whatever you know everyone call it she did and she does it incredibly i respect the fuck out of her craft yeah and the money and whatever, you know, everyone call it. She did, and she does it incredibly. She's so smart. I respect the fuck out of her craft. Yeah, and the rest of them, trash. Trash. Trash. Tommy's entertaining about it. She knows how to do it.

She knows how to hold her own a little bit. These other girls, just get the fuck out of here. And Tommy, I mean, you have Cardi B going after Tommy and back and forth, and you get everybody on your side, and that's the whole thing is being polarizing. That's the whole point of political Twitter. But this gun girl, I honestly, I don't follow her her so i don't really i know exactly who she is because i see the pictures and like you know the come and take it is obviously a big thing down in texas and the whole thing what's that so come and

take it is like like come and take my guns if you don't want if you don't want me to have guns you can come and take it it goes all the way back to like the civil oh yeah that's her her thing yeah come and take yeah so like there's like flags oh she's engaged now shout out to her and her it's i think it's his her manager i want to see i've been just deep like deep diving on her twitter since i saw you're going back and forth congrats um yeah i'm not like the her response to you oh well okay yeah so then i wrote the blog and uh i've been and and I said basically, like I said, you've just been rendered obsolete. It's so stupid and so sophomoric that you can say whatever you want, and people will now just say, yeah, but you pooped your pants. And so she tweeted me a link to when the New York Post, when the tabloids are writing about me and my marriage and my infidelity and everything.

So she says, liberal sports writer. That's a that's a fucking new one. He's trying to defame me over lies. But let's not get this progressive hero who cheated on his pregnant wife. Leftists are hypocrites. This is real toxic masculinity. So but here's the thing. You pooped your pants. So it doesn't matter. I mean, the response by you, I was like, I didn't. That's the thing. It's always that's always going to be the response now you are no longer gun girl you are now poop girl you can say whatever you want about anybody you pooped your pants at a party i when i was reading this back and forth i was like okay so first of all i don't care who you are we're not going to paint

you as a somebody who cheated on his wife because you're liberal that was like that right there like as somebody who wants to stay away from politics publicly, I looked immediately at that and it was like, your entire argument is null and void. And that's the thing about her too, is that that's her shtick. There's no other recourse. There's no other train of thought. It's like, if you disagree with me, you're a leftist libcuck soy boy.

That's the same answer every time, no matter what is going on. It's because it's just your routine. It's just your fucking shtick. You're out here the same way we all are. You're just looking for views. You're looking for followers. You're looking for clicks. And you have sold your soul in the form of being the gun girl to do it.

It's the same fucking thing, like I said, as all the other girls. Tommy Lahren used to do her liberal shit. Then she realized that's not hot. It's not working. Switch over to the conservative side. Blow the fuck up. Run with it. Go. You pooped your pants. You got Britt McHenry. Sports thing didn't work out. I'm going to go do politics. What's hot right now? MAGA, this, that, the other thing. I'll be on that side. Whatever. Fine. It's just like, don't get it twisted. You're not, you're not doing the Lord's work. You're not some, like, political hero. You're not leaving your mark on history. You pooped your pants.

You pooped your pants. I mean, it's pretty childish, but that's what you're going to run into. It's so symbolic. It's like, yeah, she probably didn't even poop her pants. It's so symbolic, though. It's like, that girl, she walks around with a dump in her pants. You know that this war is going to go for a while. Yeah, I mean.

I mean, how bad are your mentions right now? Let's see. They've got to be bad. Which I know you're used to. Seems to be quite a bit. I know you're used to this. Honestly, I am so unfazed. I am so ready for these type of things now.

It's like I am completely unfazed. Which is a great place to be in because obviously your mentions are going to be a dumpster fire today. I just, the whole thing with her trying to paint you as a bad person because you're a liberal or a leftist. It's so cliche. It's like, again, I feel like if she would have come back with almost anything else. I'm just a libcuck. Oh, let's see. Who's on the phone? What do we got a libcuck. Oh, let's see. Uh,

who's on the phone? What do we got? Fred from Tampa. You want to weigh in? What do you got Fred? Yeah. No one wants to hear this bum ass shit, dude.

No one wants to fucking hear it. Hear what? No, no one wants to hear like, what, what kind of everything? Fucking short sports sports my guy you pooped your pants yeah you pooped your pants too friend chat sports welcome welcome to the

show dude um i i actually feel bad i've i've thought about gun girl before i feel very bad for her i feel like she has probably either been like like somebody told her to do this or the people who got behind her made her feel like she has to do it. But the gun part? Yeah. I'm not saying that she doesn't believe it. I'm saying that like,

I think that the world is so overly politicized now and everything has to be so hotly contested and so black or white and so in your face and so viral that I think that she probably started this. Surely, I'm sure, you know, I'm sure she believes in it. But the amount of like conservative people who are like rallying for it and want her to do it and exploit her, manipulate her, force her or push her to do it like this is not how you want to live your life, man. You can't want to live your life this way.

She's graduated. I guess she's still always around campus just making her videos, trying to fucking fight people on guns. What are you doing? This cannot be how you want to live your life. With poop in your pants and a stupid mic in your hand,

it just can't be. I honestly, I feel like she didn't actually do that at a party. And I feel like now, I mean, again, social media is so toxic. Like just now, first of all, I'm being corrected. Come and take it is not about guns. It's about, it was in the Texas Revolution. It was a cannon.

But people use it for guns now. Like people will be like, you can come and take it. It's from like the Battle of Gonzales. I am corrected. I'm going to be honest. I think it's very much applied to guns though. Well, that's the whole point like if you go look at her profile it's like come and take it with her machine gun so that's the way people are acting now uh back in the whenever it was in like the 1830s whenever texas was using that i don't think that they expected girls to be carrying

it around on campus and like come and take it but again if you are going to fucking assault rifle on your back as you walk around in your sundress your fucking uh graduation photo and if you're on the opposite side of it and you are just completely anti-guns and whatever again like i don't want to go political on this you are going to get caught in the fire you are going to be caught on social media i mean there there's just no way to go about it if you are that polarizing we all know that's gonna happen however this girl just immediately dubbing you as a leftist is just a liberal sports cock i mean i i don't i just and and people on the left do it too like oh that's conservative and it's like well that's why i love barstool that's why i love barstool because we get we get both like i'll get this is you're like a fucking right wing alt right MAGA bro.

And then I get this like the liberal fucking lib cuck. It's like, well, guess what that probably means. It probably means I'm pretty in the fucking middle. Sometimes I piss off one side. Sometimes I piss off the other side because I'm somewhere in the middle like a rational fucking person on pretty much every issue in the world. Because we don't talk politics. I mean, that's like I think we did. I mean, like I feel like most rational people, people reasonable people like if you think you should have guns you

probably be like yeah but we should probably have some more controls on it because things are not going that well that seems like a pretty reasonable thing it's just i feel like because at barstool you can say one thing i mean how many times people have gone after dave because they think he's like donald trump fan because he likes the crafts and whatever. It's just like, okay. Like social media, there's going to be no tone. There's going to be no thing. But now, you are the leftist cheater now in these people's minds. And she is the poop pants

girl. Let's go. Bob from California. What do you got? Bobby! Don from New York. What do you got, Don? Dan. Dan. Don from New York. What do you got, Don? Dan, Dan. Sorry, Dan. Hey, so I was just going to say, as a self-identified conservative, I don't think gun girl definitely speaks for what I believe in.

I almost feel like that silent majority thing, she's completely shitting on it. She doesn't represent true conservative values. She almost like an embarrassment so her coming out absolutely dude i guarantee i guarantee anybody who really takes this shit seriously and and really you know values their political beliefs and their social beliefs and you know takes the time to educate and learn about it and can debate it eloquently and understands that they'll actually maybe listen to the other side or you're not immediately a libcuck soy boy or whatever it may be.

Any of those people have to hate this girl. Because you're making it into a mockery. You're making it into a joke. It's like nobody takes you seriously. Nobody knows who you are. You don't have any credibility. You just run around doing your interviews, sticking your mic in people's faces, chasing them around.

Now you're poop pants, girl. It's all a fucking joke now. You're just becoming part of the internet machine. Bob from California will try this again. What up, Bobby? Yo, what's up, my bad. Come on, Bob. There he is.

What's up? Even funnier is her newest tweet to you, and she calls you wife cheater, just like using that as an insult and saying that pooping your pants isn't as bad as cheating on your wife when ashley madison is a website that made an entire career out of people like just cheating on their spouses but i don't see any like poop pants gatherings going on anyway so i think well that's a spring bob i don't know i don't know if that's the argument i'm gonna to go with. I am not sitting here. I am not going to sit here and let's not go with that one and promote and back cheating on your wife.

You should not do it. It was a big mistake of mine. I'm just at the point where I've made peace with it. I've moved on. I don't care. I'm not going to be like, well, there's websites for cheating. It's not website for pooping. By the way, Bob, there are probably websites for pooping.

There's websites for fucking that. By the way, that guy comparing Ashley Madison, I mean, what a spin. Hey, good for him trying to, but that was... I appreciate it. Don't need the help, Bob. Yeah, let's not. Yeah, Bob, we're not going to...

I'll come up with the arguments myself. Let's not, Bob. Will from New Hampshire, what do you got? Yo, what's up? First off, Donnie's reply to your tweet was so funny. I don't know if you saw it. You either die or you live long enough to become a progressive hero or something like that. I don't know if you saw it. You either die or you live long enough to become a progressive hero or something like that.

Yep, that's what I'm talking about. So I'm now a liberal sports writer and progressive hero. Yeah, congrats, KFC. You're an internet star. But, uh, so do you remember during the government shutdown like there was all the stuff about like security at airports, like not being able to get paid?

Mm-hmm. So she had a tweet saying that TSA was a waste of taxpayer money. So this girl's not just, like, an alright maniac. She's a lunatic. She wants no airport security. No, no. I mean, Will, she's not even – it's dumb. What she's doing is dumb. What she's doing is trolling for clicks.

That's what she wants to do. She doesn't know. She works for InfoWars, which that's Alex Jones's whole shtick. I mean, he already said she works for InfoWars, like official employee of InfoWars. Yeah. Look at the videos on Instagram and Twitter. She's always walking around with either her oversized gun or InfooWars microphone just annoying the fuck out of random people. It's pretty funny. Yeah, I mean, come on now. If we're going down the InfoWars route, I definitely can't take you seriously.

I mean, working for InfoWars. Come on. Like, she just, what, she's probably like 22 or 3 or something like that. You don't know what you're talking about. You have no clue. You're not experienced. You're not educated in this. You've read a couple facts.

You know some shit off Twitter. You regurgitate the fucking cliche lines. You want to be popular. You want to be conservative. You want to be tough and shoot your guns, and you do this. You pooped your pants. You pooped your pants. I didn't know that tsa thinks

again i don't follow her but anybody who thinks that tsa is a waste of taxpayer money has literally never been to an airport because i'll tell you what and i i know that you had to travel over super bowl weekend too and that was right around the government shutdown and they i swear to god they still ended that because of the super bowl and nobody's ever going to say that. But I think that's a problem. TSA is very, very, very, very valuable. And they it might be annoying that you have to wait in that line. It might be annoying. You have to go to the screening. But listen, I'd like to go on record and say I very much appreciate I appreciate everything that TSA does. If you remember the TSA call up, let us know what you think about. I mean, I felt so bad for the people that were having to go to work during the government shutdown without getting paid.

But I'm like, these people are doing it because people have to travel. Talk about heroes. They are progressive heroes. What are we doing here? Sam in New Jersey. What up, Sammy? Hey, how you doing? She poops her pants. She poops her pants. This girl This girl is crazy man Honestly the way that I'm looking at it here Is it would be a real shame If liberals and conservatives got together

And under every one of this dumb bitches post Roachie pooped her pants I would really hate that Honestly Sam honestly I think we could I think we could solve world problems Kevin is standing up I think this girl sucks so bad That we could unite The progressives and the fucking conservatives, the liberals, everybody come together and common ground.

This girl sucks. The only thing we can all agree on in this world. I mean, I have a lot of friends who are who have concealed carry, who have gun licenses. They probably hate this girl. Well, it's just like if, if you really want to believe that you have those rights, which again, I'm not getting political with it.

Like, I grew up in a household that had guns. Like, my dad wasn't like running around like, hey, everybody, I have guns. It's like, no, I have guns because I'm using it for protection

and that's why I have them. I don't have them to put it in your face. You're not walking around with a fucking assault rifle on your back at a graduation. No, I mean... That's not what this is meant for.

It's not. The people who take it seriously take it seriously. Exactly. There's no question. Like, any of my guy friends, and some of them listen because some of them are in the oil field, Kevin, so some of them are out there working. Yeah, shout out to the oil rigs. But if they're listening, like, call in because that's the thing. It's like, growing up in a state where obviously gun laws are different than where we

are right now, I don't remember anybody being like, look at me. I have these guns. In fact, we talked about this last week. Like I was put around guns, so I didn't do that. So it's like, let me learn. I mean, this girl, she thinks guns are cool, and that's why she does it. She wants to look cool.

She wants to be edgy. It's unique for it to be a female who has big guns. It's social media likes. It's social media followers. It's probably a way for her to make a little bit of money that's why you're doing it you're not doing it for america you're not doing it for rights you don't give a fuck about the constitution you're trying to be internet famous just like the fucking rest of us everything is done for social media these days whether it's valentine's day gifts whether's your politics, whether it's sports.

Kevin, I'll be honest. I did not expect this Monday to go this way for you. I mean, do you feel like honored to be in the presence of a progressive hero? I mean, I didn't. Yeah, I didn't know I was going to dub you as a hero. I honestly I mean, I really like you. I would have never claimed you as a hero. But if that's what we're going with, then let's go. I don't know if anybody in this office is a hero, but I guess

if we're going to start throwing... I am now proclaimed by the enemy a hero. I'm more like a leftist and a liberal hero, so you make sure you have those two adjectives. Yeah, you got to get those correct. Tim from South Carolina, my future hometown. What do you got? Future hometown, yeah. You guys, I don't know if you remember

six years ago, there were some kids uh like charlotte north carolina just walk around like picking up trash with his grandfather's like m1 grand or something like that okay it was i i dmd the story on your instagram kfc but basically it was before social media really took off and there was this fucking kid could have been like 13 years old walk around with some like a rifle on his back, just picking up trash in his neighborhood. I just thought they'd be the perfect match. Yeah, I'm looking at it now.

Rifle kid. Yeah, he did like Tosh.0. He did the Web Redemption. Yeah, he did the first iteration of this. There's been people going viral for their guns for a long time now. Caitlin, whatever, knows it. Charlie from Philly, what do you got? So I wanted to talk about Poop Girl because the whole thing is funny

because she is being accused as Poop Girl, but she's denying it. But if you take a look at someone like Big Cat, he owns the pooping himself thing. So it's funny that Poop Shame hurt, but I wonder if she accepted the group girl name, did that kind of change this whole narrative? You have to accept it. When the internet decides your fate, it's over.

You cannot fight it. You have to roll with it. Big Cat shit himself at the fucking dog park, okay? There was a picture. Somebody took a picture with him being like, hey, what's up? I met Big Cat at the dog park. He literally had shit in his pants at that moment. He came on the fucking podcast.

He joked about it. That's it. It's over. Nobody calls Dan poop pants guy because he just owns it and it doesn't matter. I've owned my shit. I don't care. I care. It was bad.

I should have done it. I've moved on. It doesn't affect me anymore. You doing this and fighting this, it's like you can't. It's a mousetrap. It's a mousetrap. The more you struggle, the tighter it goes. I mean, yes, it's like you can't. It's a mousetrap. It's a mousetrap. The more you struggle, the tighter it goes. I mean, yes, there's no doubt about that.

But you do understand the difference between a narrative like that with a guy and a girl, right? Yes. Absolutely. Yes. Because there are a lot of things that Big Cat can do that, like, I mean, when it comes to, like, sophomoric stuff, guys can do more sophomoric things and it's funny. Girls cannot. And that's i mean when it comes to like sophomoric stuff guys can do more sophomoric things and it's funny girls you cannot and that's just the way it is like i mean there's just that's just the case okay you're right i'm not saying that she should own it and be like ah shit myself if she didn't do it that if you when you start to respond to this stuff yes that's i agree with that

you either have to own it or ignore it laugh. Like, she would have been real smart to just be like, I don't know, crack a joke about it, you know, rather than going like the leftist, liberal, progressive article to the New York Post. No doubt. Because now it's like, well, we struck a chord for a reason, huh? So true or not, we know that it drives you crazy, and now what? You're a poop girl.

I mean, yes. You're in the internet mud. I'm guilty of wanting to defend myself. Everybody is guilty of wanting to defend themselves on the internet when you realize that these people are. You cannot win. You can't. You cannot. You cannot win. There's nothing until there's something that galvanizes everybody.

Like it's like the Barstool people. It's like, you know, everybody can go against different Barstool personalities until it's Barstool versus everybody. And then everybody's galvanized. Like you're not. That's the thing. You cannot win. I mean, in politics, there are things that you're fighting that nobody's ever going to agree upon. True. Until something galvanizes them.

Until something unites them. And this is what you wanted to say. Like someone, maybe someone with a microphone and a gun and a bad haircut. Maybe that could just galvanize the world, Casey. If this galvanizes the world, I weep for our future. The textbooks will look back. I weep. The year was 2019. The world was

torn apart until the hero stepped up. The progressive hero KFC and the spark that just united the world. What a time to be alive. what a time to be alive. What a time to be alive.

Oh, man. It's so funny because, like, there was a time where, like I said, you never know what was going to pop up. And, you know, and when it did pop off, I would get, like, excited. Because, I mean, that's what's going on with this girl. It's like, oh, wow, you make a video that goes viral or you stir the pot, you get a lot of followers, you get excited. And you're into it and you want to fucking roll with it and and now we've just done it so many times that it's like oh okay so it's gonna be gun girl today it's gonna be gun girl for the rest you know for the next six months whatever let's go and everybody that jumps into the mud

with barstool i'm gonna say half of them have no idea what they're about to get themselves into and the other half do and just don't care she's in i don't think she realized what she was getting into well what's funny is that you know she she could have played her cards right and there's probably a lot of people who agree with her views in the barstool pool you know yeah but you do it this way and it's like, well, no. That's what I'm saying. Like you jump immediately to labeling somebody as opposite of your political beliefs, whichever side you're on. And you immediately just alienate an entire fan base. It's Twitter. It's social media and the internet in general.

The term troll now basically means I disagree with what you're saying. Oh, well, you just troll it. No, I'm saying something you don't agree with. I'm disagreeing. And if we disagree, it's not like, all right, well, we disagree on that one topic. It's like, well, all right, you must. I'm going to paint you with this whole brush that you're a fucking liberal, this, that, the other thing. Or you're an alt-right, whatever.

It's like there's just no nuance anymore. I mean, have you ever been on Twitter, and you're scrolling down, and you see somebody arguing about politics, and be like, you know what, they have a point. It's just never happened. It's never happened. I mean, the people who spout off the most in any walk of life are always the most uninformed people, the most uneducated people. They find their one quote. You see the same stats. More people have died doing this or like what should we ban knives should we ban cars you

know like all it's the same fucking rhetoric every time and it's like if you've ever caught yourself using those you probably don't know what the fuck you're talking about josh from louisiana what's up what's up man i just wanted to call him real quick And tell that girl Look We're conservative It's cool But the way you start acting like that Nah We're not gonna back you up There's a way that you can hold yourself

Right You know what I mean And going around Talking to people You're gonna piss everybody off Usually I fucking hate you But I'm on your side That's not

That's the thing It's like At some point You're gonna People are gonna pick the lesser of two evils You know what I mean I totally agree It's like any Go point you're gonna people are gonna pick the lesser of two evils you know what i mean i i totally agree it's like any good i think if she just does her thing you know and and has her and and just you know gets her people that's one thing but if you want to

start calling out other people's flaws you know i think people are going to start digging into her history and she's not going to like it don't get in the mud if you don't want to get dirty bro you know that's kind of the rule of thumb here uh he's so right though about cons again like i i can't speak for all of my friends that are very pro guns but i can't imagine any of them are like this girl's speaking for us you know when you're you're in an argument and and someone joins your side and you don't want them on your side you're like like you're making it worse, bro. It's like when the Yankees fans in this office cannibalized each other

because it was like, they're all Yankees fans, but they were all arguing with each other. That's the thing. You don't want somebody that's so obnoxiously on one side fighting for you if you're just like,

hey, I just want to have my guns. I just want to be left alone. Come and take it. I'm going to use it for protection protection whatever like those people are probably like this girl sucks she's the reason people hate guns yes yes she's the reason people hate guns like to be honest i i i or not she's the reason but you know what i mean she represents the reason i i wish there was like stricter control and but i'm not like crazy about it but i see her and i'm like i want to get rid of all of them just to ruin you.

Like, I don't want, I don't want any firearms in the entire world anymore, just so that you don't know what the fuck to do with yourself anymore. Trash man. What's up, man? This gun girl bitch is a fucking ridiculous human being.

She's just a younger, more ridiculous, stupid, Tommy Lahren, clickbait, wanton motherfucker. Damn. I mean, I feel like a lot of people probably agree with that. Well, as a gun owner, a diehard Republican, you know, like, salt of the earth type person, when I see that type of shit

and someone who's literally just using, like, that belief system to fucking get clicks, it really irritates the shit out of me and she pooped her pants so she can go fuck herself you pooped your pants you know and and that's actually what kind of rubs me wrong the most is like i don't want to get all political but like when there really is, it's kind of a cliche thing to say, but there really is a time and a place and like when there's a fucking, another massacre that occurs and these people are on the front lines being like

you're not going to come and get it, you're not going to take away my guns and it's like, I just can't imagine and I don't think she was around, you know, she wasn't around doing this back then, but like during like the Newtown massacre, if you were like the first thing you were doing was like,'m gonna go make my my youtube video about my guns like it's just like yo there are literally people weeping over their dead kids right now like slow down with the whole like look at me shooting guns in my backyard it's cool and here's the thing

and i i obviously don't know her personally i'm sure she's a really nice girl like that's probably not but i i mean i'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt because it's like, if you are a character on social media, I like to believe that somebody that's that crazy is like, like she's doing it for the clicks. But again, if you come out and you are on either side of it to the degree that she is on this one,

and there are tons of other examples on social media, you're opening yourself up and everybody that's called in so far are conservatives saying, we don't like, we don't. Yeah. That's the thing is like you, like, so where are you going with this? Right and everybody that's called in so far are conservatives saying we don't yeah that's the thing it's like you like so where are you going with this right and that's i mean that's why i have to imagine that anybody who follows her really likes her she has a lot of followers gotta be i think so probably over a hundred thousand has got to be like the dumbest

or i mean just trolling right or your hate following or whatever, maybe. Hate follows are still follows, Kevin. Alex from Nebraska, what do you got? All follows are created equal. Hey, how's it going? So I've actually gone on Fox News to talk about my 2A rides. I've done Neil Caputo's show. And I just want to say that, you know,

Kaylin Bennett doesn't represent the 2A community whatsoever. Like, we've kept her from coming to conferences, kept her from speaking at things just because she's crazy and just doesn't represent our values whatsoever. You know, like you guys just said, it's mostly conservatives that have been calling in. We don't own her. We don't want her giving speeches we don't want her fucking anywhere and nobody likes this girl but i mean here's the problem alex i i have a brain and i get it so i understand what you're saying that she doesn't represent you and that most of you guys probably don't like her but a lot of people don't have brains

and a lot of people just see this girl with her guns, spouting off, like I said, the same cliche stats and one-liners that anybody who's ever read a fucking Wikipedia page can do and so she kind of does represent you, you know? I mean, we try to keep her

as far as... Like perception becomes reality, I'm saying, you know? Yeah, I mean, I try to keep her as far as... Like perception becomes reality, I'm saying, you know? Yeah, I mean, I get that. She does stay alive, though, through the publications she works for, Liberty Hangout. That's how she got a lot of her followers. What is Liberty Hangout? Liberty Hangout is like this super libertarian online publication. Like, if you just look at it, you're going to make yourself sick.

It's just, it's just crazy. Wait, what is libertarian? I thought libertarian was like kind of like reasonable. No? Did I make that up? Yeah. If it's Alex Jones, then no, it's not. They're essentially like Alex Jones.

Yeah. And that's like how she stays alive. Yeah. I mean mean come on Nobody's fucking with that stuff That shit is like That shit is a joke Come on

You can't be You can't be expected to be taken seriously If you're rolling with Alex God damn Jones Just call it like it is I just All the time On every

Thanks for the call Axe It was insightful It is I do it with like Like the Jets beat writer, Manesh Mehta. He's like, he's a troll. He gets a ton of fucking clicks for the daily news because he's always got anonymous sources,

and he's always talking about inside the locker room somebody said this, and he says that there's a quarterback controversy when there's really not. He stirs up this shit, and I'm sure he has a lot more followers and clicks because of it, and if he just fucking said that, I'd be okay with it. But he's like, no, I'm a sports journalist. I'm like, no, you're not, dude just you're one step you're right behind me man we are all in this shit to just try to stack followers stack clicks stack downloads stack money i just admit it you think that you're you know a political hero you think that the textbooks

are gonna write about you one day well what about what about guys, though, like Skip Bayless? We've talked about this. Love him! But he's so good at it that he can't break character. Right. Like, he and Stephen A. are the kings. So if they were to break character and be like, yeah, I mean, I know LeBron is, like, whatever, then it ruins it. So he's an actor at this point. He is, like, an Oscar-winning actor that can't be like,

oh, no, yeah, I'm just acting. So that I'm okay with. Uh, what? Where did that come from i just got a tweet that literally makes no sense yeah some dude just said that casey compared liz to caitlin bennett no i i literally did not do that we were talking about the yankees fans like having like cannibalizing each other we gotta go to break anyway i mean that that is that is the biggest spin zone? What a ridiculous... If you're on the line, hang out on hold. You want to call up

833-85-STOOL. We'll be back. More Barstool Radio or Clancy the Rockets on Power D5. Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Oh. Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Oh. Kevin! Wait, it's David. You're just ridiculously stupid.

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Is this Kevin? Welcome back. Oh, yeah, man, how you doing? You good? I know you like that. I know you like that. Is this Kevin? We're talking hand jobs, folks. We're talking hand jobs on a Friday.

Let's get it. CCK Rub and Tug Edition. We got about two hours to get it in. Let's do ity smith vital bergen for jared carrabbas fights and i were just actually at a little brunch we were at a a meeting of sorts a brunch yeah brunch right across the street at the smith we were conducting some business just the two of you no it was it was us kelly, and a network, and we were talking just nothing serious, but we're talking business. And I get a text from my guy, Joey Langone. He just says, have fun. And I said, with what?

But I was like, obviously something's happening, so I open up Twitter. So we're sitting at this table, and I go, oh, my God! And I'm like looking right at John. We're with business people. There's people around. I'm like, Robert Kraft got arrested for prostitution so we get up we were like we gotta go like sorry like great meeting like kelly you pay the bill we're gone and as we're walking over there i find out it's just a mere rub and tug it it was i i don't know if i was disappointed by that because

like i i we'd heard wishes about this last night me and dave were texting about it and i was like i hadn't that it was gonna like break or that like he was like have you heard anything about craft and i said no like what do you got and he said said apparently prostitution thing but he can't be real and craft does have one of these kind of weird sex rumors every off season when he got that chick knocked up and there was that and then it was like last off season it was like that's why jimmy there was that and then it was like last offseason it was like that's why Jimmy got traded was because he was like they're like these weird rumors. They're just like Twitter fucking nonsense.

That's one of those things I bet you look back in like 20 years we get confirmation on some of them and it was like a well though where there was smoke there was fire sort of thing Bobcraft smoking. Right. And well like the smoke is a much younger girlfriend so it's like that in and of itself provides it lends its hand to some like what's he doing yeah yeah yeah um so like i didn't care no matter what i i was like if he's getting a hooker fine if it was a elliot was it elliot not elliot

elliot spitzer elliot spitzer thing fine like it i do not care about anything and and largely the world does not care right it's not just me being like oh i don't care because my owner and no one really gives a fuck it's it's not well there's a lot there's a lot i actually think this is this is a worse pr thing because he's getting i mean this is some lily spa shit shout out providence it is it's like it's like a a strip mall next to a fucking i mean like chucky cheese i know but that's almost like a lot of people like that strip mall next to a fucking Chuck E. Cheese. I know, but that's almost like a lot of people are like, that's how you stay a billionaire, man. You're not wasteful. You save your money.

58 bucks for a rub and tug? That's a hell of a deal. Dude, that's just the tip. I got to pay the other fee. Things are cheaper in Florida. Yeah. Cheaper in Florida. That's just the way it is. 58 bucks is like, if I'm getting a rub and tug, I'm like, I almost want it to be more money so that I know it's like a classier joint.

I think the cleanliness, it was called like the cleanliness of this place was suspect at best. Yeah. But maybe that's also. You throw it at best. It's like, come on. If you're a billionaire, though, like that's maybe the part of the allure. You know, like everything Bobcraft does is plated in gold and beautiful marble, and the women are pristine. He's slumming it.

He wants to get a handjob from a fat Asian chick at a strip mall. That's what he gets off with. It's like Chinese food in and of itself. Yes. The bad one's the better one, right? Yes. Give me all that MSG. Give me all that grease.

Yeah, like the super greasy, gross. You don't want, like, an upscale Chinese food restaurant. Get out of here. I don't want an upscale hand job. Part of the fun of a hand job, rub and tug, is almost like when you're sneaking into a bar when you're a kid. Like, I gotta, you know, this is dangerous and fucking kind of gross. When did you guys get back in? Like, what was happening when you walked into the office?

David just finished. Okay, so when it started circulating, like TMZ hits. And of course, like, and I know you blogged about this. It was a misleading headline. You read the TMZ article and you're like, holy shit, Robert Kraft might be involved with human sex trafficking. Like that is bad. So we're all whispering about it.

Everybody starts. I mean, everybody like slowly starts seeing it. And I guess Dave was in a meeting in Erica's office with the door closed. And then as soon as the door opens, the, the look on his face was just like, holy shit, this is fine. And everyone just starts laughing. Everyone's like, what? And just sitting on pins and needles. Spider runs over to my desk to unplug the water cooler.

And it was just like, how is this going to be spin-zoned? And then we find out that it was just a handjob. You don't even need to spin-zone. Yeah. I mean, I was thinking, how are you going to spin-zone human sex trafficking? Well, I was hoping that it was going to be like taken. Like he was buying virgins with the Saudis. I mean sex trafficking? Well, I was hoping that it was going to be, like, taken. Like, he was buying virgins with the Saudis. I mean, that was the—

I was hoping that it was going to be, like, some fucking— It's not that at all. At the Mexican border, he was grabbing illegals or some shit because of Trump. I was hoping that there was at least going to be, well, he didn't do it, but this ring that he's a part of, they, like, buy and sell children in Africa. I was hoping for something! Anything! Do you know how many bullets they've dodged, Casey?

It starts with Spygate. How many bullets we've dodged? How many bullets we've taken and continue to press on? Bullets we dodged. Bullets we took to the temple. Flakegate, Baby Drum. We took all those bullets. We didn't dodge anything. We absorbed them, spit them out

like fucking a Hulk. No, you didn't. You skated. I was going to say, if you take a bullet in the forehead, you die. The Patriots have definitely not died. Yeah, but taking a bullet in the forehead, they just spit it back out. That's the spin zone that I was... I mean, listen. First of all,

Adam Schefter apparently just said on SportsCenter that Robert Kraft is not even the biggest name caught up in this thing. Well, a lot of people are down in Jupiter, Florida. Tiger Woods. That's what I'm thinking. But I mean, just the fact that like Robert Kraft was the first one. I thought the list was out. I don't know.

I'm just Adam Schefter apparently just said it on SportsCenter. But here's the thing. If everyone's just getting jerked off, this is a non-story for everybody. No, unless. It's salacious., this is a non-story for everybody. No, unless it's salacious. It's not a non-story. Right. But it's not a, like, it's not, first of all, it ain't shit for Tiger Woods. It's one of those things where I think we talked about it.

It's a drop in the fucking ocean. No. We talked about a thing on KFC Radio recently where it was like, would you want your dick pics out? And, like, I'm like, I wouldn't care. It would be salacious. But you prefer not to be on this list. Yeah.

Yeah. And, like, I'd probably i'd probably for like an hour when people are like you know calling me about it i probably feel awkward but at the end of the day i'm like i don't really give a shit it's like everyone sends those right everyone goes to fucking handjob parlors right there's nothing there's really you will feel shame because you've been told you should but you really don't fucking care no i mean i i don't i don't think anybody would have cared if he was having sex with it with a hooker and i definitely don't think anybody cares that he's getting a hand no i think that the bigger the bigger thing is like the the blue check mark

brigade is more about the fact that the masseuse parlor could be like in some legal shit because it could be like like if it comes out that these are like kids well that's bad but not for robert craft it's not bad for him. Could be. I mean, well, yes. I do think if you're, like, associated and supporting something that even has a connection. Well, you're not supporting. It's not on a fucking confidential sheet. Like, he's not signing.

Like, okay, I promise I won't. Yeah. He's just going to a handjob parlor. Yeah. Right. I don't know. I'm going to a restaurant. I don't know everyone in the restaurants there illegally.

And, like, they're slaves. Yeah. But if you're going to someplace that's kind of like a sex worker place, I think you know the difference, though. Like, how do you know? You know the difference. You know the difference. If you walk into a massage parlor, if it's.

No, you do not. Yeah. You don't know that. What? If they're being sold into sex slavery or not. Oh, I mean, that's what I'm saying. I mean, if you if you go to some grimy ass place yes you get some sort of like hand job blow job sex action and then they're a part of something

bigger i think you're not like you're not like complicit you're not going to get charged with it but it's kind of like that's not a good look for you i mean if you go to west garden you're they very well could be i have no idea idea. Right. But there's Robert Kraft. Like the fact that, again, going back to the TMZ thing where it was like he was involved with something that is involving sex trafficking. That's completely different than he just went and got in Robintop. Definitely. Right. No doubt. I'm not saying that.

Yeah. I'm just saying that that's where this can get a little bit more dicey where, you know, it's like, well, you were funding a fucking with my fifty nine dollars. I honestly don't think that's worth addressing. I think it's silly to even draw that comparison. I don't think you're complicit at all. I don't think I don't think it's even really worth talking about. It makes no sense to me to bring it even up. I got it.

You want to get a job. I'm like, you see the way it's not like a grimy place. It's how we looked it up on rub maps yet. Yeah, it was two and a half stars. Wait. Oh, yeah. Rub maps. That's? Yeah, it was two and a half stars. Wait. Oh yeah, Rub Maps? That's a thing. Oh yeah. I've heard you, I mean, I've heard this.

I don't know if it was two and a half stars on Rub Maps. It was two and a half stars on Yelp, I believe. I mean. Rub Maps is, I mean, it's the gospel. I'm going to be perfectly honest, I've never heard of Rub Maps. I have never heard of that. I'm embarrassed I haven't heard of Rub Maps. Tom from Long Island, tell them about Rub Maps, Tom. Oh my god.

So Rub Maps is a Yelp for brothels in your area. It's awesome. Have you ever paid for the subscription? It's an official website. Yo, the comments are fucking hysterical. I mean, to be clear, I have not paid for the subscription, no.

I don't pay for Rub Maps. You should. You just pay for the rubs. I mean, can I get your login? I'd rather really not, but I would like to see these comments for sure. Where fantasy meets reality. The comments are worth it. What was the name of this joint?

Good job, guys. Rub Maps. Later, bro. No, no, I know that. What was the name of the place you went to? We'll look it up on Rub Maps. And it was. No, no, I know that. What was the name of the place you went to? We'll look it up on Rub Maps. And it was in Florida, right? Anybody?

I will look. I will find out. Jupiter? I've seen it. Because maybe we can get a nice little review from Rub Maps, see what they say about this joint. The whole thing is just. I want to. Somebody just text tweeted me that

there's a hashtag revoke the rings oh i don't know if that's like trending or that's just like one asshole i i almost it has to be a joke i i know people are i just got somebody that told me i need to turn in my vagina for making a joke about human sex trafficking suck a dick like seriously like gas liver and was like like just go jerk a dick. Like, seriously. Like, Gaslyver was like... Just go jerk a dick off with your vagina. Fuck you. Gasly, thanks for your service for the tweet that we're not, we don't...

I'm not even going to say that. I don't think I should have to say that. I'm not even going to say that. It wasn't like I was, like, actually, like, coming out and being, like, mad at the insults. I was just like, we know this is going to turn into this. As soon as Dave put out the press conference, it was like, you know that Deadspin and everybody was like oh barstool's okay

with human sex trafficking so i was like oh i'm just gonna put this out and now people are mad like you're a female you should not be okay with this i'm like the guy is old he wanted a rub and tug if it turns out that these are this is like a really really bad human sex trafficking ring fine robert craft is not involved in that. He's not. Orchids of Asia Day Spa. Let's see what we got on. It's a day spa. By the way, shout out to the Patriots social team that quickly deleted a tweet from 2010 that said

I love a story with a happy ending. That's smart. I mean, they're ahead of you know, there's a lot of other people who would already would not have that down. Also, how would they even remember that? Who remembers? I'm sure they just searched ahead of, you know, there's a lot of other people who would already would not have that down. Also, how would they even remember that? Who remembers? I'm sure they just searched everything that, you know. People are quick.

Oh, look at that. Came up pretty quick with the autofill. Orchids of Asia, Jupiter, Florida. Let's see what we got. Zero results. Boy, this is not even on fucking the gospel, bro. That's Robert Kraft. Oh, here we go.

Here we go. 18 reviews. I guess we can't see it until, like this guy said, you pay. I have to pay. I might fucking pay just to be able to read some of these reviews online. Spider, get in here with the credit card. 12 months for $149 or $19.95. Imagine paying $150.

For the year, John, for the year. Brassers is cheaper. Yeah, I mean, if you or $19.95. Imagine paying $150? For the year, John, for the year. Brassers is cheaper. Yeah, I mean, if you... $150 to see where to get a handjob. If you need to subscribe to a treasure map for handjobs, you're getting a lot of handjobs. A lot of handjobs. A treasure map?

And you're just traveling a lot. You know the ones in your area. How often are you traveling? These are all businessmen. Just like staying at a Hampton Inn looking for a fucking handy spot. I mean, there's one comment here. According to Yelp and Google, this place was raided by the police

on February 19th and shut down as a sex spot and human trafficking. So, we're going to get some of that. We're going to get some of that. We're going to get some of that. Why was he on a list? List of people who were arrested. I think for months they staked the place out. So, they staked. Yeah. Why was he like on a list? List of people who arrested. I think for months they staked the place out. So they saw like they staked him out.

It's not like they like there was a list. I actually I have a. Like I've never gone and given my name. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like some of the names. Some of the names on the list are clearly made up. Right.

Yeah. I mean, that's why I'm confused. But that's why I mean, like, is it the list because the police have been watching and they are there's Bob Graff. Well, apparently it's on video. Right. Not the handjob. I have a buddy who's a lawyer.

He's like one of those guys who anytime there's anything remotely legal, he'll text me right away. Just like with a legal breakdown of it. And he said that he's like, first of all, it's going to have to be on video. Second of all, they're going to need him clearly saying I will pay $100 for a handjob or something like that. Because, I mean, that's the beauty of these joints is they're all just massage parlors. But he also said it's very rare that this happens at a handjob parlor because prosecutors just don't think it matters enough. He said things at handjob parlors are about the owner. They're never about the jobs.

The patrons. Right, right, right. So it's, lends a hand to the belief that this is a setup by Goodell. Lends that to him. The man knows no bounds. Honestly, no. Pulling some strings down. I'm going to have to even,

I'll stand up for Robert Goodell, Roger Goodell on this one, because even I, I mean, I will take any chance I get to make fun of the Patriots. I will take any chance I get to make fun of the Patriots. I will take any chance I get to tear them down. I will spin zone. I will run with it.

I will exaggerate. Even I, just as a red-blooded male with a rational brain, was like, alright. Roger Goodell has neither of those. Is neither of those. Listen, do you know why Roger Goodell is not behind this? Because he's done some kinky weird shit behind closed doors too. I know that not behind this? Because he's done some kinky weird shit behind closed doors, too.

I don't think he has. I think he's just a fucking – He just gets off on this shit. He's too weird to do weird shit. I don't know. I feel like he's doing some Game of Thrones Joffrey shit. He's, like, beating them with sticks. No, I think he's a missionary in bed.

Asexual? Yeah. Just lights off under the covers. Yeah, just reading papers, just getting off on – Once a year, maybe on the anniversary for a quick seven seconds and he's back to just like he's like the guy I think the senator

in Parks and Rec who just stares at a wall and is like is he a robot like when when Kraft isn't I'm sorry when Goodell isn't doing something NFL related

he just sits in a room he's too weird to be weird he's come out the other side of weirdness right right I can see that I mean his wife

had the burner account for a while and was like going to bat for him like random shit like that. It is a stunning spin zone though that Robert Goodell could be involved in this. This is, I mean, this is why

Barstool exists. This is why we have this job. This is why I live. Like this is what I live for. This story is ridiculous. Old ass, wrinkly ass Robert Kraft is getting his dick jerked off at a cheap Asian masseuse parlor. We've said

this multiple times throughout the week, we're kind of out on sex. If you couldn't get a hard dick anymore, are you fucking, are you popping Viagra's to go to a handjob parlor? I think so. Well, Erica and I was just talking

and they were like, I mean, why the handjob? Well, they're good at it. Those girls are fucking awesome. The right kind of handjob is awesome and they're giving you the right kind. I will take a mediocre handjob. You'll take like a dry

stand-up vertical handy. Sure. You'll take like a dry. What about like a dry stand up vertical handy? Sure. I mean, I mean, as opposed to not. Yes, for sure. But. I'm just saying that what those girls do. I mean, I'm from fucking world. There are.

If we're talking like top of the line handjob versus top of versus normal blowjob, top of the line handjob every single time. Well, the thing is, you can get so much more creative with two hands and shit. You got two hands and ten fingers. You can do a lot of shit, all right? I mean, I don't have a dick, so I don't know. I can't really speak to the differences.

I feel bad for chicks. There's no happy ending. There's no, like, I'm going to get rubbed and, like, this guy's going to finger me. Or, I mean, there probably is. I've seen porn. No, there probably is. I've seen that Lisa Ann gif. We all know.

The thumb goes in her ass. We've all seen that one. What's that? Mike and Dave need wedding dates? Isn't that the scene? There's a scene in there. I'm just saying. I'm just saying.

They definitely exist, but they're not. I can't speak to it personally. You know, rub maps. There's not like a whole fucking treasure map for them, I don't think. No, I do think, though, and I understand it's like the common man thing. He's going to get $59 happy endings. But if you're a billionaire and you know that this could potentially get out, just common man thing he's going to get 59 happy endings but if you're a billionaire and you know that this could potentially get out just go somewhere it's

not going to get it's like when justin bieber got the the brothel sting or whatever it was when he was overseas it's like why didn't you just go somewhere where no one was ever going to out you it's so easy to say those things now but i mean i mean to be honest bobcraft might have thought he was doing that right if it's like a strip center in fucking Jupiter, Florida, and he's paying $59, he did not think that. Did you expect Popcraft to be there? No. He might be slumming. He might be like, alright, I'm gonna put on my fucking trench coat, put up my hood,

and go to this strip mall in Jupiter. But he uses real name. I don't know. The police say it's like two separate occasions and it's on camera. Something is on camera, then I guess you can't hide from that. I just can't believe this is even a thing. Like, this should totally be legal.

Yeah, I mean, I think people have said for a while now that consensual sex acts were... Especially though with handjobs. It's kind of like the oldest thing in the world, too. Like, you're paying for it one way or the other. I mean, yeah, if two people want to have consensual sex... And it's like a... I think it's a good place to stop. You know, I think there can be like real problems with regular full blown prostitution. It's STDs and, you know, shit gets too dark and too deep.

This is just like, this is a massage. They rub your legs, they rub your shoulder, they rub your dick a little bit. Yeah, it makes sense. You rub everything else. Right. I'm just getting another body part rubbed. You They rub your shoulders. They rub your dick a little bit. Yeah, it makes sense. You rub everything else. Right. I'm just getting another body part rubbed. You rub the knot out. You rub my shoulder until the knots are out.

You rub my dick until the cuts out. I had my fucking navel rubbed. What? I hate it every second of it. Why did they? Oh, yeah. Fights went on a massage, and he was a massage guy. It was my only real massage. And he got the worst one ever.

They rubbed his fingernails and his fucking belly button. He was my only real massage. And he got like the worst one ever. They like rubbed his fingernails and his fucking belly button. He was like jerking off my fingers and fucking... They rubbed your belly button? It was gross. He like dipped oil out of it. Because I was like,

I'm like, yo, bro, these are the best. They are the best. Your shoulder and your back. Well, I'll tell you what, doing it to myself, it feels kind of good. I just didn't like

some Portuguese dude doing it to me. Yeah, that's part of the problem I would imagine. I don't think I've ever even had like in a massage they'd be like, would you like your stomach rubbed? Ever. Like nobody's ever asked would imagine. I don't think I've ever even had, like in a massage, they'd be like, would you like your stomach rubbed? Ever. Nobody's ever asked me that.

They don't even go near it. I don't even turn over. Well, that's what sucks for the girls. Thank you. All right, we're back here on CCK. Fights and Kevin had to step out for a second because they had to do something with KFC Radio, a big interview. And normally when this happens, they're like, oh, you know, who do you want in the studio? I bring up the chicks in the office sometimes

or just grab in whoever's relevant, and I don't think that there's somebody more relevant today than Mr. Marty Mush, and I told Kevin, I was like, I don't want anyone else in the studio. I want it to be me one-on-one with the guy, with the bird, with the jersey on, with the dating stories, and we're making it happen, Marty. It's going to be electric.

I'm ready to go. I mean, I don't even know where to start with you. Because, you know, obviously the Duke North Carolina game is tonight. That's a huge story. You're wearing a Duke jersey. You're a gambling guy. You also had an incredibly viral video with your bird. Which, by the way, I don't know if I've ever asked you, why the fuck do you have a bird?

So I got stuck with that bird when I was like a kid. I was like seven years old and my parents like didn't want a dog. So they just got a fucking bird. At the time, I thought it was cool because it could talk. And it was talking a shit ton last night, too. Yeah. And this thing sucks, by the way. As a pet, it sucks.

But as for a gambler, it's been helping me. I mean, the first time I saw the bird in person was during the Red Sox Yankees series. And you walked in the building having no idea that it was 10 to 0. And just squawking. And everyone was so scared. It was so funny. And at that moment, I realized, like, this guy's a bird guy. So, wait, how old are you?

I'm 24. So how long do these things live? It will outlive me and you. Like, we're going to die before it's bird. So you're stuck with this bird. Oh, yeah. And my parents live in Florida, so they just left the bird at home. And we'll be old, and this guy will just be chilling.

But now you're attached to him, right? Yeah, I mean, I have to be. You have to be. He's always around. He's fucking squawking all the time. Does he stink? No, he doesn't stink. It's a real piece of shit. He's an anal bird too. Like he sits in, you leave the light on near him, he squawks and shit. Oh my God. Okay. So when you have girls over, what does he do? It's tough. When I have girls over, it's tough. I leave him, leave him like so no one can see him because when they see it's like, what the fuck is that?

And it has my voice too, which is absurd. I mean, that's the best. That's the best part of it is because you say things sometimes like that. What language was that? You have a bird. I would think that if a girl heard that in another room and you hadn't explained it, it would be weirder. Well, yeah, I would say so.

You could just be like, hey, listen, my parents stuck me with this bird. It sounds like me, but here we are. Instead of just like letting it maybe squawk from the other room. That's some advice for you. Maybe you just kind of like get out in front of the narrative. That's the thing. Should I be getting out in front or just like hopefully it doesn't squawk because then it's like oh you get then they're thinking the whole time this guy's got a bird what am i doing here

it's a tough situation it is tough i i guess because you don't have it like in you don't have in your bedroom right no no it's in like like the laundry room like no one you can't see if you walk in my house okay i guess you roll the dice and you just hope that he shuts the fuck up for a second 100 roll the dice i think that's what you have to do okay so last night first of all the video of the of him flying i've watched i mean i tweeted this morning no less than 10 times it's up to about 20 or 25 it is so funny because your reaction is so genuine did you really not think he could fly so last night i'll let me set the scene for you please you know like when you watch porn sometimes you're into the storyline sometimes you're not i'm so into this storyline so we've been trying something

new out on twitch because smitty's been doing so well on it and we wanted to just watch me gamble and they're like how many times like what do you do during the week? I was like, I sit there and I gamble. Like, that's all I do. And I have my bird. So last night I had my bird. First of all, I had a disgusting dinner. My mother's not home. I live in squalor.

Like, I live in squalor completely. I had a hot pocket. I had fun dip. I had crazy shit for dinner. So I'm sitting there. First of all, the bird knocks over everything. Just knocks over my water, knocks over everything. And then I'm just like talking to Twitch, answering people.

And all of a sudden it just takes off. And I haven't seen it fly since the first day. I'm like, I got it. Because usually clip its wings. I haven't been to the pet store in a while. So I saw it fly and it was genuine. I was like, holy shit. And then you just fucking flew right into the bathroom door.

And I'm not going to lie. I thought it was done. I thought he was dead. I thought it was dead. I was like, Peter is going to come after me and take the bird away. My mother's like, what the fuck's going on? Your pet's heads are falling off. It's fine.

Just continue your stream. And I watched the video back and that thump was loud as fuck so loud i mean there was no question what happened it was unbelievable but yeah the people are loving it people are loving the fucking bird and me just talking going back and forth just the fact that you were surprised that a bird flew and i understand i guess if you don't see him fly a lot, but he did what they do. It's like literally what they're here to do. But he's okay. Yeah, he's good.

He passed a concussion protocol. You put a bird through a concussion protocol. Yeah, I kept him in the dark all night. Didn't want to upset him. In my 24 years, I've never seen him sleep either. So I have no idea if he went to sleep. So hopefully, hopefully. I wish that I could make fun of you for not knowing if birds sleep.

I have no idea. Yeah, you ever see a bird sleep? I guess not. Like, I guess. People are new to the bird world. So like, they're catching it by surprise and it's fucking going wild. And at no point your curiosity has peaked like, I want to see if this bird sleeps every night? Oh, I always do.

But every time I open the door, it's up. Does he, so can he answer questions? No. So he just repeats. He's pretty dumb like myself. Like he says hello. He does the whistling thing at girls. Like the, I can't do it.

I can't whistle either. I can't. We're here. But I mean, so the fact that he learned that and you can't do it. Yeah. Might be a smart bird. Exactly. I't want to just leave him like in the room, like with a recording of like my voice just saying like cover the spread or something like that to get them going. But I got a lot to, I got a lot of work to do with this bird. I mean, yeah, but the good news is, is it sounds like you have eternity to work on everything with them. So

that's good. So as far as gambling goes, I mean, how valuable is he to your gambling life? No, he used to be a rally bird for me. Yes. And I think he's getting used to the fame now. He sees the camera. He's doing crazy shit. And my rally bird is, I'm on the stream,

I went 0-3 last night. And this stream has also helped me with like people that think like, I'm just yelling on my TV, finding these bad beats all the time too which is good and they still think i'm faking all this but you know it's whatever but regardless this bird needs to get back on track and get my winning going he's let the fame go to his head yeah and he was showing off i mean now i'm convinced that he took flight just to like

upstage you exactly knock your water over just to upstage you what an asshole i know he is an asshole i'm that's why also i hold it on a mop because i'm scared shitless of it i don't want to put my hands near it'll break my skin in a second so you don't ever like hold him fuck that you know how like sharp his beak is i see here's the thing no because why the fuck would i have a pet bird in my vicinity ever because i'm kind of on the thing because why the fuck would i have a pet bird in my vicinity ever because i'm kind of on the thing of like if a guy's got a pet bird something might be weird however though i will tell you and i know you have a dating question for me before we actually get to the basketball game if somebody told me i thought you went out and purchased a bird no so if you

told me why you have the bird you could actually kind of use this as a spin zone of like how caring of a person you're like oh my god listen my parents got me this bird they abandoned it no one was going to take care of this bird and i have the heart to make sure it has a good life wow that is what a spin zone that is you're welcome yeah no that's i'm gonna use that because it is true like they fucking left they're gone actually my mother's coming home tonight i gotta clean the house my house is like i said i live in squalor and she's not here fuck i just remembered she's flying how bad is the house marty it's pretty bad i had a so this is where on saturday night i had hotel cahill was open so a lot of people over and i gotta get into my story it's a wild let's go i mean i have no idea how long kevin and fights are going on but i'm gonna be honest we have so much to talk about

i'm gonna tell him not to come back so you you the first thing you said to me when i walked out during the halftime break was i have a dating story for you or i have you have to ask me some advice and i'm gonna be honest marty a lot of people in this building say that to me and i'm like all right whatever you say it to me and I could not be more intrigued. Yeah, you better be scared. It's like a wild, like, it just happens to me. So, again, we're going back to the storyline thing. Like, if you were Pornhub right now, I'm totally in your storyline.

Let's go. So, it starts on Friday. We went out with a couple people here to the gym. And it was just, we got a little drunk and we were just chilling. For some reason, I DM'd this girl. You know the obviously good radio, but you know the emoji where you go like this? Yeah, the hands are out.

The girl, yes. Okay. It's not a girl, is it? Well, I used the girl. Oh, I don't know which one I used. So it's like the shrug. The shrug. There is a girl and a guy. Didn't know that. So hopefully I used the guy. Yeah, that so hopefully i used to yeah that would be well well first of all was this on instagram or twitter instagram okay there are different there's different etiquette i feel like on dm sliding 100 well first of all that's not a good

dm slide regardless that's all you said that's all i said no there's you've never talked to her before never talked to her and she like liked to come my pictures so i was like ah what's this and i was drunk so i was like ah let's see how it happens so like three hours later she didn't answer and i said i was like my bad didn't mean to send that oh my god not good it's a bad start and she had seen it she didn't see it yet so yeah she didn't see it why did you yeah i don't know i panicked i panicked so then i was like but she answered in the morning she didn't see it. Yeah, she didn't see it. Why did you, yeah, why? I don't know. I panicked. I panicked. So then I was like, but she answered in the morning. It's all good. Don't worry about it. So I was like, all right.

All right. I said, then we got to a little bullshit. What's up? How you doing? So then we move into Saturday night. I go out with a couple of my friends to the bars. And first of all, I got into a little scuffle at the bar. It wasn't me.

And it was this kid put this aside. I got tackled at the bar. For no reason? Yeah, for really no reason. I find it hard to believe you just got tackled completely unsolicited. Well, I was taking a picture with a stoolie. And I took a picture and I moved back. I hid into a kid.

Okay. And the kid goes, hey, this is my friend. He's on the Cleveland Indians, blah, blah, blah. I was like, I mean, that I hid into a kid. Okay. And the kid goes, hey, this is my friend. He's on the Cleveland Indians, blah, blah, blah. I was like, I mean, that doesn't mean, okay. I was like,

it's also spring training. You should be there. A valid point. Yeah. Very valid. Very valid. And I swear to God, I literally turned my head,

just tackled me. Just form tackled your ass right in the bar. Yeah. So this- Blindsided you. So I look at my phone like five minutes after

the girl i dm said hey i was just right next to you i just saw you get tackled i was like wait you just you didn't say anything to me when i was right there you could have maybe yeah exactly your face is exactly what i did i know it's bad radio but my face just weird it's weird confusing so i was she's like i'm at this other bar now. Come see me. I said, I mean, all right. I guess so. How hot is she? She's pretty hot. Okay.

Yeah. So that's why I was like, all right, I'm going. I mean, yeah, you got to do it. Yeah. So I find her at the bar. She's with another guy. Okay. Wait a minute.

What? Yeah. It's crazy. Like I said, my feet are kicked up. I'm into this storyline. It's crazy. Like I said, my feet are kicked up. I'm into this storyline. Let's keep it going. She gets to the bar.

I'm at the bar. She's out with another guy. So I kind of like sitting there by myself like, what the fuck? You went by yourself too? Yeah.

My friends were like on the way too. I was already at the other bar with them. I'm sitting there and she kind of sees me. She does a double take and she goes like one second. I was like, left the guy came over to me she's like hurry up

he's gonna come over here i'm gonna introduce you introduce you as my second cousin i go what the fuck does that mean i mean you can't literally cannot make this up i know this is why i'm like what are you talking about so then so she comes up so the guy comes up now and she's like hey so and so this is my second cousin matt she's matt too so i was like all right she knew my name's matt that's good and then she starts talking like yeah it's my second cousin my mother she like went into deep story like she had this planned i guess so then she's like out of's like, yeah, my mom just texted me. I got to take my cousin home. I go, what's going on?

You're just going to take me home now? Left the guy and brought her back. Like she came to my house after. And you guys hooked up? Yeah, I hooked up. And then in the morning, she's like kind of she called her friend at nine o'clock in the morning. First of all, we went to bed like six. So what are you doing?

I was going to call an Uber at night, but I'm banned. So I didn't have any out. So you wanted this girl to leave. I was sleeping over, but I'm banned. So I didn't like, couldn't be like, hey, call yourself an Uber. I mean, first of all, you've got to get Lyft. You've got to get Juno. You've got to get something else.

Because if you want her out, you can't be. I didn't think of this. Oh, Marty. That's so fucking funny. So then nine o'clock in the morning, she's, first of all, she calls her friend on speakerphone. Which is like, what are you doing? I'm fucking sleeping here. It's 9 a.m.

So in her own words, she pretty much said, like telling her friend that she went on a date with the guy she was with like three times. They barely would hook up. She would never kiss him. And then all of a sudden she's pretty much like, yeah, I fucked Marty Mush last night. I was like, what are you doing you just told this person you i'm right here and she said yes and she's yeah pretty much i just fucked marty mush last night and she's like and you hear the other person on the phone like what i was so like bugged out i had to leave my room i left and i just left her in there i didn't know

what to do where'd you you go? I went downstairs. To hang out with the bird? Yeah, my brother was home. I was like, I'm going to, I'm hanging out with you. This girl's got to get the fuck out of here. How long did she stay up there? Like 30 minutes. By herself?

On the phone. By herself on the phone. Okay. What happened when she came downstairs? She was like, just pretty much like, I'm going to probably get out of here soon. I said, yeah, you probably should get out of here. Yeah, you should have left at 6 a.m. She like asked for my number. I was like, all pretty much like, I'm going to probably get out of here soon. I said, yeah, you probably should get out of here. Yeah, you should have left at 6 a.m. She like asked for my number.

I was like, all right, I'm a nice person. I'm going to give her my number. And she just keeps texting me now. Have you answered her? Yeah, of course. And now I'm so interested. I was about to say, because here's the thing is like the hot crazy scale. I mean, it's got to be off the charts because like.

I don't get the second cousin thing, though. See, that to me well she was just desperate to not tell him the truth because yeah because like they've been like seeing each other yeah so i guess i mean you can't hate how deep that lie went like that's the thing it's like you have to respect it instead of just being like like the fact that she was standing next to you at the bar in the first place and didn't say anything is crazy enough it's like okay so what are we in junior high like you're gonna have to like text me but then to bring you to or to have you come to a bar where she's got the guy she's hooking up with there and to make up that story i mean that's got to intrigue you oh i respected the shit out

all i can see is the girl from wedding crashers like i'll find you girl it's like this like the crazy is hot yep 100 and just like when she said i gotta take my cousin home i was like oh okay oh i'll be your cousin i'll be your god as long as we're not actually cousins i don't care so when was there at any point when she was up in your room you're like i never want to see this girl again uh when she was on speakerphone and i was like exhausted i was like this girl like never again but now i'm like you know what that was a good story and great i'm in like i live for good stories like this is this the first time you've told the story on air yes it happens it happens saturday yeah how how is it wednesday and we've not nobody's talked about this i mean kevin and fights are gonna try to kill themselves

if they weren't a part of this story. I know. I can't wait to hear what they see. Oh, I mean, this— I'm on tomorrow with the cousins. I want to tell them so bad because the cousins don't think— I mean, the cousins are just going to have a lot of things to say. Yeah.

I do—so you're going to hang out with her again? I think I have to. The story has to continue. Is she like a big Barstool fan? Obviously, she knows who you are. No, like she's really not. Like she, I asked her about it like when we were just talking and she said like she knows the Instagram. And she knows this like, she just sees my Instagram saying Marty Mush.

And she sees, she saw my bird video on like the Instagram. So she knows a little bit about it. So whenever, this is always like the tell for me is if you go to a girl or a guy but mostly I would assume for you guys with the girls go look at who all she follows have you done that just Dave and me okay yeah and Dave's just like it's because it's Dave yeah he's like millions of followers okay well that's good because normally if you go and it's like every single person in here like that's a no-no it's gotta be you can't yeah because they could. You don't need that in your life.

Don't need the smoke in your life. No. And for me, if a guy slide in my dams and they fall like everybody here, I'm like, no, no, no. No. No. I'm not going to do it. Easily just put anything out there. Anything.

So what do you what's your question for me? My question. I don't know what the question is. It's just like, it's how crazy is she has to be insane. I can't imagine. imagine she's like smart i mean it's all it could all just be like a massive con i'm in for that though you're right it sounds like you're in for it i will say the move of calling your friend on speakerphone three hours after you guys have fallen asleep to say that you fucked somebody is wild. And like saying how you were like, she went out on Valentine's day with that guy.

And that was what last, that was last Thursday. It was like two days later. And he, she called you her second cousin and said, we got to bring them home. I, I mean,

I have to respect this girl. You have to like the crazy is so crazy but at the same I mean she might murder you or you guys might get married I don't know I don't know which one it is yet and you know like I think the guy like kind of knew it was a dark bar like I think the guy kind of knew who I was too like from bars because you know

the eyes that you get sometimes it's like looking at you and they look down and like trying to figure out where they know you from I think he was like starting to realize who I was. So I just kind of left. And that's when she said like, yeah, I gotta go take my cousin home. How many words did you say to this guy? Him? None. Okay. Cause I was going to say, if you started talking to him, like he would know exactly who you are. If he's a barstool person. Cause like when they finally piece it and then you start talking, like you're there, he's gonna be like, this is not your this is not your second guy this is like a martial guy i know exactly what's going on

or maybe he's just like whatever like i'm gonna lose this battle and that's just what it is yeah and then she was like pretty much telling me like her problems with that guy and like her ex-boyfriend after too after you guys hooked up yeah and i didn't care because i knew i would never go out this girl i don't really give a fuck but it was like why do you why do i need to hear about any of this you don't and i said it to her i was like i really don't care to be honest i'm sorry you said that it's not good i am so happy that this is happening right now because i this is gonna give me an ongoing saga yeah i'm gonna need you to come on this radio show and update me because i do feel like i'm saying like the vince vaughn saga and wedding crashers is what i'm feeling right now it's like you went along with these lies just to like hook up with her now you did and it's like i'm kind of into it gotta do it again

and like i have to just like she texts i've been doing the thing like i text her like an hour maybe four hours later i'm a bad texter that's also thing. I have a lot of text messages I forget to get to. That's fair. If you're a bad texter, you're a bad texter. Yeah, I am. There's a difference in being just bad at it and then just being like bad for certain people. Yeah, no, I'm bad. You're just across the board bad.

Best friend, like not texting. Okay, that's good to know. So if I text you and you don't answer me, I shouldn't be offended. I really forget. And I'm just like always gambling, so I'm never looking at my phone a lot but which isn't good for our job but um regardless you gambling is your job true so true think of it that way but yeah so like i think she hasn't gotten mad at that she hasn't really like she asked we should do it again sometime and i was like i mean you got any second cousins, more second cousin stories?

We're going down. You know what you guys should do? You should start going out and, like, doing, like, the different, like, role-playing scenarios. Like, you know, like, in movies, like, where they do it. What movie? I think it's, like, Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn, actually, I think. I don't know. Like, Four Christmases, maybe? And they, like, go out and pretend to be different people?

Yes, yes. That's what you guys should do. You should do that. Like, go out and, like like she just introduces you as all different types of people like all over manhattan like every yeah every bar just do something different yeah and then you can come on this show and talk about it yes well i mean yeah now i'm gonna have to i'm gonna text her again like i said what are you doing this weekend what if she listens to the radio even better even i mean she's in she's in on it yeah she's gonna go crazy and i need that to tie

it all together what you should do is now tell her about the bird. Like out crazy her a little bit. You should tell her. She doesn't know anything about, actually, she probably sees my Instagram and all that. But like she doesn't, you didn't see the bird there. So it's like introducing people to your kids. Like you should introduce her to the bird and then just see like how she reacts. And if she's like super into it, she might be your wife.

Yeah, it's like you need to know one thing about me i have a bird i have a bird and if she's like that's really cool can he like can he talk to me like all these things i mean you really might have found the person that you should marry have to and then you can stand up at the wedding and tell this story and be like who knew that being somebody's second cousin would land me here at this altar today yeah and then explaining to your friend at nine o'clock in the morning saying that's that that i don't understand that part like you could have waited till you got home yeah i wouldn't even want to like she's literally just laying in my bed saying it too it's not like maybe she thought that you would think it was like that she was so proud of it that you'd be like oh damn like her friends are like impressed by me. Yeah.

That's a bad move. Don't get me wrong. It's not a bad move, but maybe that's what I can't. And I'm like, not like, I would never even like thought of that. I was like,

this girl's just wild. I can't, I just can't understand the thought process of that. I can't understand the whole thing. Yeah. It's your head's in a whirlwind though. And I was less than 20. I DM'd her Friday night.

So that was all less than 24 hours. So she moves fast. Yeah. I didn't think about that, actually. Yeah, I didn't piece that together until right now. Yeah. And you just sent her a random emoji. Just the emoji.

God, 2019 is so crazy. And said, my bad, didn't mean to send that. And she hadn't even seen it yet. Nope. Marty, you might be on to something here. That's what I was going to say. I'm on to something. I think that you are.

I don't think that you should ghost this girl or ban this girl. I think that this girl might be your wife, Mrs. Marty Mush. Mrs. Marty Mush. And I think that it's going to happen. It's going to happen quickly. Yes, it has to. Because she's in it to win it at this point. I feel like there's just nothing that this girl is ever going to do that won't surprise you.

Yeah, that's like the first time meeting her. Imagine the second, third. It's just going to have to go even crazier down the hole. Are you going to take her on like a date date? I don't think I could do it. I don't think I can. Dates for me is just, it's so much work. I mean, yeah.

I don't need a girlfriend. You don't go on dates at all? No, I refuse. You might not need a girlfriend. You might just need this girl as your wife. I feel this is bad. When I hang out, like I hang out with girls, I always say, come over to my house. at all no i refuse you might not need a girlfriend you might just need this girl as your wife i feel this is bad when i hang out like i hang out with girls i always say come over my house we'll just water in or something which some girls like oh yeah you can wear sweatpants yeah just come out

but yeah i don't really going out in public and then i gotta go out and spend crap i'll spend i'll i'll buy you some fucking seamless or something shit. And we watch a little basketball. Have a good time. Okay, that is key for you though because I've had this conversation with other guys in the office as well. It's like, somebody who gambles as much as you do

and watches as much sporting events as you do, basketball, all of that, you gotta have a girl that's into it. Have to. You have to. Yeah, because then they're just like, yeah, 100%.

Like, that's a big thing for me regardless because you need to watch this game and I need to really... My life is depending on this. Exactly. And not just pretend to care. Not just be like, oh yeah, I love watching sports. Actually being like, okay. You can tell too. I'm sure. You don't need to announce the fucking game.

Just seem interested to it. And especially with the gambling stuff if it's like, oh, what's the line on this? And you to explain and she's like i don't get it you can't have that no you can't have you can't have that because like say tonight you're watching duke north carolina and you've got a girl who's asking you a million questions all the time while your whole life is on the line yeah can't be dating like that but another good move i've been using too is to get them over and not to get them over that's's not a bad thing. Don't phrase it that way. I don't even want to say entice.

That's a bad word, too. We're going to hang out. I was like, oh, yeah, I own this house. I have my own house. Just bought my own house in Ronkonkoma, Long Island, because I live by myself in an actual house because it's my childhood house. And they're like, wow, you do good for you. I said, yeah, I do pretty good. And meanwhile, I have literally no money because i gamble all the way but you want what you need to do it's like played up with the gambling like they don't know how much money you're losing just be like yeah listen like babe i'm the gambling guy at barstool like yeah

you know how much money i make i've got a house i've got a fucking bird. That's how good at gambling I am. Three bedroom house. I just bought it myself. I mean, prove me wrong. That's the thing. It's like, prove me wrong. How are they going to prove me wrong? Unless your mother shows up and then that's.

Yeah, it's tough. You got to make sure you know for sure when she's coming. When I was telling this girl that I own the house and shit, she went to the bathroom and there was like a shower cap in there it's like so she's like whose is this I said I got no answers for you I have no idea because you can't say my mom's you definitely can't say your mom's yeah so go with go with ex-girlfriend yeah ex-girlfriend like we don't speak at all anymore because then it's like if you play down the middle like oh it's just his girls and it's like well who else are you sleeping with but that girl probably would have been like oh let's who's she'd

probably be like excited to see who i'm sleeping with that's true she's probably started competition like oh yeah well i'm gonna one-up this bitch that i mean marty your dating life is it's crazy every it's every time it's never just a normal night it's always a crazy story with it you know who would be interested in this is the call her daddy girls, because actually I, we were talking yesterday and they didn't know that there's like a barstool, like groupie section out there. They had no idea.

And I was like, yeah, absolutely. Like I see it and I'm a girl and yeah, you gotta be careful. And I was explaining to them, like if you can tell the girls that are probably in that, unless they're actual barstool fans or they're friends of everybody.

If they're following just everybody and just sliding in everybody's DMs. And they were like, this happens to everybody. I was like, yeah, Marty Mush came on the radio show with us one time. And they're like, Marty Mush is getting Barstool groupies? I was like, yes. Oh, yeah. Like, they fly out of the woodworks. Yep.

Good for you. Instagram's where it's at, though. Twitter is like, I feel like no one cares about Twitter followers or like your Twitter. Instagram, I'm all in on Instagram. That's the dating world, huh? DMing like stories. That's the easiest one. That's the play?

Oh, yeah. That's my wheelhouse right there. So on an average day, night, how many stories do you reply to? Not a lot. Okay, so you're selective. Yeah, I'm very selective. Okay. Because then you'll start,

like, people could be screenshotting your stuff, putting it out there. Now, you got to make sure like it's a good shot. I shoot a good shot. You got to, yeah. I mean, you can't be shooting

just absolute shit. How many responses do you give to girls? Like, how many times when girls DM you, do you respond to them? None. No, I don't.

I actually got two today and I didn't answer any because I'm scared what are you scared of because they're obviously like they obviously are just barstool people I think oh there's no way like oh wow I just saw this guy's bird video he's hot there's no chance I mean don't sell yourself short Marty like you could it could I watch something like this is crazy no girls will be like look this fucking, this guy is hot with his bird. So that's why I need to be doing the DMing. Okay, yeah, that's fair.

Unless she's just like, just out of this world. And you're just like, I can't let this one go. Yeah, which has happened on Twitter, which is, that's the bird girl. I do think that Twitter has a different etiquette than Instagram. I feel like Instagram, you can kind of cast a wider net. And on Twitter, I mean, my DMs aren't open on Twitter. I guess yours are because the DMing thing happened. But I feel like it has to be way more selective.

And so if somebody gets your attention via Twitter DM, they got your attention. Yes. And then you become their second cousin. I mean, one girl went viral with a tweet saying, her tweet was like, I can't believe there's girls out there out there who have willingly have sex with guys who have pet birds so i sent like my damn yeah so then i sent i was getting tagged in and shit and then i sent my bird picture in the chat and she saw it and dm'd me and she's a smoke okay well we're gonna take a break and you're gonna

hang out the boys are still doing i have so many more questions for you. We also do need to talk about the game tonight and the Zion Williams. So, I mean, we have so much to talk about. Okay. So Marty mush, Casey solo hour here on CCK. You guys can call us up to 8, 3, 3, 8, 5, 7. Any questions you have for me and Marty mush. 8, 3, 3, 8, 5.

8, 3, 3, 8, 5 stool. 833-85-stool. 833-85-stool. I'm just, I can't even read right now. So I'm just so thrown off by Marty Mush. We'll be right back. all right we're back here on cck and during the commercial break something i realized about you i knew i always liked you i always liked you i. Let's go. I love you. This is great. This is what Barstool's made for, you know. I mean, we are, we're just gonna be best friends for life. I'm in. Because

you are straight out of a Hollywood movie. You sound crazy. You are crazy. Yeah. And I have been on record saying that you play up your character, but it is you. Like, I don't think that it's a fake act at all no but you know what you're doing and now I'm realizing that the content of

your dating life is an underrated storyline like the fact that you're the gambling guy you're the bird guy you're like people to say you're the dumb guy no you're you're the dating guy and it's something every weekend it's something new and you just showed me a picture of the bird girl yes she is a smoke and i and listen people that listen to this radio show or like follow my blogs whatever no i can appreciate a hot woman yes that is a hot woman and i i don't know how why she likes me but she's great too like a normal she's very normal she's fucking fantastic i mean marty like dating marty mush life has to be out there more yeah it has to be just from that tweet we hit it off and she's like why do you have the bird i was like well i need winners we just went off yeah she's from california hell of a girl so we've been on air for 34 minutes together and at the beginning i was like maybe

don't tell girls about the bird now Now I've totally changed my mind. 180. You use the story about how you're like a hero. You save this bird's life. And now you're a gambling god because of this bird. You own your own house. I mean, you've really just got a whole fake life going. And part of it's real.

Like, that's the thing is like you really did save the bird's life. Yeah. Actually, what you were saying, like a lot of people pretty much like compared me to like a cartoon show. Like my life is a cartoon show. You are a cartoon. Like living by myself and just so much weird shit happening. Holding a bird on a mop.

Like dating this girl who or whatever she is. You're now her second cousin. Yep. And then bird girl. And then bird girl. You told a story on cck one time about like spitting all over girl by accident or what was it snotting like yeah my nose like by accident it wasn't like a kinky thing it was like literally you were just gross yeah i

mean you're you are a cartoon it's a crazy life i live it's a wonderful life it's the most life it's the life i didn't know that i needed, but now I can never live without. Can never live without it. 833-85-STOOL if you want to call in and talk to Marty Mitch. People are loving you. We've got people tweeting like, I didn't even want to get out of the car, which is why I'm sad that it's Wednesday and this story is just getting out. Like, this is just.

I mean, I can only imagine hearing this voice on radio, too. Just end with the story. It's just unbelievable. And the fact that we did 30 minutes of radio and there's a massive basketball game tonight. I didn't even talk about it yet. We don't care about Duke tonight. I mean, you are wearing a jersey, though. So when you are wearing a jersey, I feel like you extra care about a game.

Yes. So when I woke up this morning, I did care about the game. But then I looked at the spread. Duke is minus nine tonight against the number eight team in the nation, UNC, where it's the best rivalry in sports. A lot of people say people camp out. You wrote a blog about the Super Bowl thing, which is crazy. Crazy. And people who are responding to me saying that the games or the tickets

are always as high for that rivalry, they're just wrong. I mean, there's definitely always higher ticket prices because obviously Cameron and Doar are so small and everything. This is unprecedented. No, yeah, 100%. It's crazy. Like, even, like, they play Georgia Tech. It's pretty high, but this is a little outrageous. But it's just, it's Zion.

It's a Zion effect. It's how good they are. I mean, to be minus nine against UNC, their rival, number eight in the country, that's sad. They're dead. They're literally dead, UNC. They're dead? They suck. Number eight in the country. That's sad. They're dead. They're literally dead. They're dead? They suck.

I hate them so much. That Luke May stupid bastard. You got to see this guy's eyebrows. They piss me off to no end. He sucks. I think Duke's going to wipe the floor with him tonight. So you're just riding Duke, no question. Oh, yeah.

So what all are you going to take tonight? You're going to take Moneyline, take the spread? I'm going to just take my, money lines like minus 450 so like my bet will be way it's just too much money on them so it would be minus nine the over i'm going to take the over probably because duke's defense is spotty but yeah it's going to be it's always a cool like atmosphere with this too like the fact that people are fucking tense for this shit is wild it's for college kids that's what i'm saying and i mean my I wrote the blog. And of course, the people who are chirping me on Twitter didn't actually read the blog.

They're like, well, the ticket prices don't go to the NCAA and don't go. So I'm like, well, no shit. It's a third party. We know that. We know. Thank you. I'm aware. I'm aware.

The bigger thing is the fact that this money is coming in to college athletics, and it always has to a certain degree. But now you've got people on like different third party apps saying that Zion has the same effect on ticket prices as LeBron James. If that's actually true. I mean, I put in my blog as if it was fact. I think it is a fact. I mean, that's crazy.

Yeah. Because no one's ever seen this guy like no one's ever seen a man jump like this ever. And like not even just jump like he's good at basketball. That's the craziest part he could shoot he could he's like his blocks are insane like insane the fact i didn't know that was i didn't know that stat that's wild yeah they there there was a guy and i to be honest i don't remember what the ticket site was but espn interviewed him about it and they said that the last time they've seen an impact like this is when lebron went to the lakers and that like ticket sales went up like 125 because of it and now that this rivalry game

the reason it's so high on top of the fact that everybody always wants to go to this game is to see zion play yeah and he's an amateur athlete but people oh he got his scholarship it's fine it's like are we fucking kidding yeah like come on thank god he got that semester and a half thank god yeah like you thought he was gonna stay for fucking four years It's fine. It's like, are we fucking kidding? Yeah, like, come on. Thank God he got that semester and a half. Thank God. Yeah, like you thought he was going to stay for fucking four years. And that and going with college basketball is so much fun, too, because you see these like one year guys who I mean, he could be in the league right now. Oh, and he could be crushing it.

I think he could have been in the league in like 10th grade. So there's a story that came out that said he didn't know he was big. Like he was like one, like what I say, six, four, one seventy five or something. And he was like, oh, I'm small. What are we talking about? He was probably nine when I was talking about. But the fact that the funny thing is, it's like you have Zion, but you also have he was number two. Like he was ranked number two coming into it.

Like we have R.J. Barrett, too, who's number one, who everyone's excited to see, too. Yeah. And then you have like number three, Cam Reddish. And then you have Trey Jones, who's fucking one who everyone's excited to see too yeah and then you have like number three cam reddish and then you have trey jones who's fucking good too the right now it's for the nba draft it's supposed to go one uh zion one rj barrett two and cameras four like that doesn't make any sense no it does not make any sense but it makes it way more fun yeah because if like you're a duke fan and you're like you can actually say well we have by have by far the best people where it's like, you know, Kentucky sometimes it's like Kentucky, like they, they've got these guys and they get the guys to the league, but it's like, there's, I don't ever feel like there's a year where it's like Kentucky

is year after you're just by far the best team. They're always just like athletic. It seems like they're athletic. They're always like, they're always obviously good, but Duke always seems to just come to get like, they look good together. They're both, these guys are friends. There's no chance that tonight's gonna be a bloodbath i can't wait a bloodbath yeah i'm gonna go live with my bird again tonight it's a big game the people need it the people need they do need it it's a 9 p.m game so it's gonna be one of those

it's like it's gonna be excitingly and if the bird takes flight again i i really think it's going to become his shtick the people love it he's going to know like he's just kevin kevin what's up this has been by far the most entertaining i was going to say who do you think just had weirder conversations i mean i'm telling you so kevin and fights are back we did not start talking about the duke unc basketball game until three minutes ago. What's going on in the world of money? I said that I liked him. Did I not say this, by the way?

I was like, she was like, well, what happens if the interview runs? I was like, Mush is going to be fine. Mush? Mush? I love him. I love him. I mean, it's incredible. I feel like we can't even rehash the whole story because it's so crazy.

Let me just tell you something. Marty Mush is the gambling guy. He's the bird guy. Some say he might be the dumb guy i am saying he's the dating guy oh okay oh yeah he has got some stories well the one what was the woman the girl was blowing you would you say to her oh yes you had like first of all you like blew snot all over her and then you asked that was a girl that was a different girl what do you think of the neck beard or something because i, my knee. Well, I don't know what the girls think about knits,

so I asked her. Wrong time. It wasn't the best time I asked, but she's blowing me. That was a bad time. Yeah, exactly. Like, I've now decided,

granted, it's your radio show, Kevin, but I've now made the executive decision. We're having a Marty Mush dating segment every single week. What was, like,

your biggest word of advice? I have nothing. It really mean like advice it was just a crazy fucking story on this past weekend i feel like you're the dating she just picked up significantly for you in the past six months and i'm sure like the cliff notes of this is he slid into a girl's dms then she was at a bar with him but didn't tell him. Had him come meet her. She was with another dude. Pretended Marty was her second cousin so she could go home with him. Goes home with him, fucks him,

wakes up three hours later, calls her girlfriend on speakerphone, tells her that she fucked Marty Mush and then wouldn't leave his room. And now he's like, I'm into it. I gotta be in it. Don't get me started. That was a very good phone. It was like, you're never gonna believe it. Yes, while he was it. I got to be in it. Don't get me started. That was a very good phone.

It was like, you're never going to believe it. Yes, while he was sleeping. She didn't really say that. But what did the girlfriend say? Oh, yeah. She's like, wait, isn't he right there? I'm like, yes, I'm fucking right here. I mean, what if she was like, ew, gross.

Why'd you do that? That would have sucked. That would have really sucked. And side note, the best information that came out of that was that he tried to send her home at 6 a.m. because he didn't want her to spend the night, but his Uber was locked. I'm banned. Why don't you get a lift?

There's not many lifts in Long Island. It's just strictly Uber. Also, at 6 a.m. I can't. No, they banned you. They banned me. No, he didn't want her to sleep there. You didn't want her to sleep there at 6 a.m.? She's already there,'t want her to sleep there? It's 6 a.m.

She's already there, bro. She already slept there. It's 6 a.m. It's the next morning. They had to sleep? She was loud. She was very loud. She needed to get out of there.

My brother was even yelling from the other rooms, like, get the fuck out of here. Can you imagine? This is back in the house? Yeah. So imagine you go home. The house that I told her I bought. You fuck Marty, of course. You bought?

Naturally. Yeah, he's got a three-bedroom house in Long Island. I mean, obviously. Because he's the gambling guy. I'm telling you, Marty Mush is killing it. She found my mother's shower cap, too, so I don't know where she thought that. You imagine you're a girl. You go home.

You fuck Marty Mush in that house with a bird and his brother yelling at you. Oh, she doesn't know about the bird yet, but. She doesn't met the bird? She doesn't meet it, but she probably saw it now. Yeah, I mean, I feel doesn't know about the bird yet, but she doesn't meet it, but she probably saw it now. Yeah, I mean, I feel like people know about the bird. I said that he needs to introduce her to the bird.

And if she's like, yo, this is cool that he might she get to marry her. She might be his wife. Yeah, I need to get into more stuff with this girl. She's nuts. She is.

Well, I hope she's not listening to this because you were just being screaming about her getting the fuck out of there because she was loud. So I kind of told her like to get out, too. So she kind of knew in person.

She also. She's sexy. She of knew in person. She also... She sexy? Oh yeah, she's hot. She also apparently told him all about her dating problems and he looked at her in the face and said, I don't care. She told me

because the guy at the bar she was with, they went out for Valentine's Day so it was two days after I met this girl. I DM'd her. I did this all in less than 24 hours, too, which was very impressive. Put that down. That's a stat. But yeah, I fucking, it was.

So she told the guy that you were her cousin because she clearly still wants to fuck that guy. Well, they were like going out. She wanted to find a reason to leave with him. Right, but I'm saying you would say any sort of other. If you say it's a family member, you're trying to leave the door open with that guy still yeah 100% she was no she that's the thing she wasn't she told me like

they went out on three dates like bought a roses and shit but he would only like kiss her one time Marty mush did in 24 hours from an emoji yeah I'm dogging her in 24 hours the phone lines are banged up for Bush love right now I mean I can't Yeah. DM slide. I'm dogging her in 24 hours. Dogging her. The phone lines are banged up for mush love right now.

I mean, I can't imagine. We got Robbie in Connecticut. Robbie, what's up? Marty Mush is the next big thing on Barstool. He needs a show. Next? Next. He's just the big thing.

It's already happened. It currently happened. He needs a show called The Mushler. I'll give Frank, I don't know who's answering the phone's credit for that. He needs a show. We need to bring chicks in, and this needs to be on all the time.

I completely agree. Thanks for the call. I'm telling you guys, first of all, this will definitely be on more fire the best of CCK, because it's too electric not to. But I think that this is the most underrated thing that Marty Mush has ever brought to the table. We were talking about doing a Bachelor-type show with Hank a long time ago. It's got to be Marty Mush. I'm throwing my hat in the room.

Remember that? It's much more possible now. Oh, yeah. We were shooting way out of our league. We were like, we'll rent a house. People will show up. We'll film it, we can edit it. At the time it was like, well Hank's the only guy who does any of those things, so how'd that work? Now we can pull it off.

That'd be a hell of a show. A hell of a show. We've got Brian in New York with some more mush love. Brian, what's up? Marty Mush is lightning in a fucking jar. I think you guys on CCTK need to have like mush Mondays where this... When I first heard your voice on the

Cousins show, I thought that you were dumber than a bag of hammers, but this kid is hysterical. This kid is hysterical. Keep on keeping on, Mush. We love it. Mush is not dumb. He's not an unintelligent person, especially now you see him.

He's making the gambling content. You're running with it. You know what you're doing. But you have a little something about it that's like, well, you're not an idiot, but you're certainly not a Harvard scholar. Yeah, I'm not all there. That's a fact. There's just not a lot of things are going on in my mind.

But you know that, though. That's the thing. It's like when people have asked, like, is Marty Mush really dumb? Like, no, he knows exactly what he's doing. Yeah, I know what I'm doing. But you're self-aware. You ask me, like, history questions and shit. I don't know anything.

No. Like, at all. So let's not do that. I mean, you don't know anything about anything. You don't know how to gamble. Oh, no. You don't know anything about birds. I don't know nothing.

How is the bird, by the way? He's good. He flew right into the wall. That was the loudest bang I've ever heard. The bird took off. It was a whack. I told her I thought it was dead. I thought it was.

I was like, holy shit. Pete is coming. Dead bird. Like, fuck. That's a lot to do with my content, too? Damn. He put the bird through concussion protocol last night. I mean, the fucking green broomstick is just so fucking funny.

Do you know why the broomstick exists? No. He's scared to hold him. Yeah. Well? No. He's scared to hold him. Well, yeah. Absolutely. But right before the bird fucking almost offed itself, like I was eating out of crates. He knocked over the water. Hot pocket time, my fun dip ready to go.

And then this guy just knocked it all over. Honestly, Mushy Lucky, it's a bird because he's not going to come around looking for a piece of this pie but the bird's electric. Yes. If there was a human he'd be like, wait, it's not the Marty Mush show, it's the fucking... That's why I think he's not going to come around looking for a piece of this pie, but the bird's electric. Yes. If there was a human, he'd be like, wait, it's not the Marty Mush show. It's the fucking- That's why I think he's flying away. That's what we decided.

We decided that he's doing that, trying to one-up Marty Mush. He's like, oh, yeah, you're on the stretcher. I'm the fucking star. I had Vets DM me this morning. Like, hey, you need to clip his wings. You need to take care of this thing. I was like, relax. I know what the fuck's going on.

It's the gambling bird. Calm the fuck down. I need winners here. I don't need to fucking his head of this thing. I was like, relax. I know what the fuck's going on. It's the gambling bird. Calm the fuck down. I need witness here. I don't need to fucking his head be all right. I mean, what do you guys think about him introducing the bird to girls?

I mean, I think people who added pets for birds are fucking, birds for pets are complete lunatics. I think you're an absolute lunatic. That's the thing.

I don't think I could actually like, I don't think I'd lead off, hey, I have a bird. Definitely not, sir. Here's the twist, fellas, is that the bird is technically marty technically rescued it because his parents bought him the bird and then they abandoned it and so i said that the spin zone would be like listen my parents bought this bird and then just

left it alone it was gonna die and i care for it and then all of a sudden it becomes oh he's sweet honestly to be honest that makes perfect sense but it sounds like Mush is doing just fine. Oh, yeah. But he was asking what he should do about the bird. I'm talking girls in 24 hours. I don't think it matters what he says about the bird. Remember Bird Girl? Yeah. What happened with her?

She's coming back in April. She was a fucking. She's a rocket. There was a point. Oh, I know. There was a period of time. A rocket. There was a period of time at probably at like the lowest, darkest, in the divorce battle,

custody fight, down and out, everything for me. Mantis and Mush were exchanging like Instagram profiles of girls they were fucking who were way hotter than they should be. And I was like, what is happening? We have created monsters at Barstool. Fuck. The world is like imbalanced now. I was telling him that the Call Her Daddy girls were like, oh wait, there's like a Barstool groupie thing? Like that's a real thing? I was like, are you serious?

Go upstairs and talk to Marty Mush? But I won't talk to them. I refuse to talk to anyone that knows Barstool. It's a smart play. It's very smart. It's a very smart play. Because they'll out me a second. I say some crazy shit. I know how that goes. I know how that goes, brother. The bird girl, though,

so she reached out and she was all about birds. She had her own pet bird or something? No. She went viral for saying, I can't believe there's girls out there willingly have sex with guys with pet birds. Right. It was the opposite. But then she fucked you. Yes. So it's like, guess what? Hell of a girl. Hell of a girl. When he showed me her pictures, I was like, oh

my god. Yeah, not only that, though, but she proclaimed, I will not fuck anybody with birds. And then Mush, he did the impossible. I really tried, I tried to have her take a picture of my bird and have a tweet next to it.

I really wanted that clout, but she wouldn't do it. She wouldn't do it. Yo, honestly, that would be an all time tweet. I'm working for it in April. All time tweet.

If you had a screenshot of that girl saying, I'll never fuck a guy with birds, and then you with the bird afterwards with that little glow and that little smile, that would get like a jillion reviews. She should do it just for her clout. Right, just for her clout. That would be incredible. Black Twitter would go crazy for that.

It would be insane. They would love that. They'd go, that white boy fucked a girl with a bird? What? It would be... I look at her please listen we don't even

have to have sex again just take a picture with my partner that's it you've already fucked her 100% just throw on some yoga pants look like you've been

lounging around done hop under the covers I'll put the bird in the bed we're good that would break the internet it really would we need it to happen

you're on a bit of a hot streak content wise. I'm assuming still a dead cold streak gambling wise. Yeah, like that's the thing. I got on the stream

last night. I went 0-3. But that's good for How long did you stream for? Last night I was like an hour and a half. I thought it was like

three games. Games worth. No, it's tough because I'm not allowed to show the TV either on Twitch. So it's just you the whole time.

So it's just me. And the bird. Yeah. The thing is I have to do the whole process of Twitch. So it's just you the whole time. So it's just me. And the bird. Yeah. The thing is I have to do the whole process of getting the bird too. Yeah. He squawks at me and I'm in the fucking cage jumbling up and down. So it's quite a scene. And the fact that when the bird talks, it sounds just like Marty.

And my mother's coming home tonight too. So if she's in the mix yelling at me on TV, it's going to be something else. Marty's going to fuck around and get a sitcom. I can see a Hollywood producer being like, it's a guy, he lives on Long Island with his parents, he's got a bird, he's a degenerate, he's got a stupid accent. Green light! I don't know if you guys are aware,

but he's been on House of Cards already. Oh yeah. That guy, that's one of the all-time look-alikes. House of Cards was, that. Oh, yeah. That guy, that's one of the all-time lookalikes. House of Cards was, that was a wild time. What, there was another show. Wait, wait, wait. You were on House of Cards or that's a lookalike?

He was. No, I was not. That's actually you? Yeah, he didn't know that. I thought it was like a doppelganger. I never knew either. Oh, no, yeah. It was his bodyguard.

Why? That's why I did a fake resume, like, of my acting resume that had a bunch of credits and shit. Did you tell us that at Barstool Idol? That's how I got into Barstool Idol. Okay, I was going to say, that's the story. I would have just given you the job for that. Yeah, I mushed Kevin Spacey's career. Yeah, now I'm remembering.

Because he told me how to peel bananas, and I was like, wow, that's a great way. And then two weeks later, he was diddling rats. The mush. What was your line? You said the mush works in mysterious ways or something like that? Yeah, the mush hits in different ways. Poor Kevin Spacey got mushed hard. What did you say? You said that Marty Mush

came from shitting your pants? Yeah, I shit myself in ninth grade. I was a weirdo in ninth grade. You're a weirdo now. But I had like the long hair. Like I looked like a young Jackie Chan too. So I used to fart in class a lot. And I blasted one.

And I really shit. You said fart. I thought you said fart and I was like that's not the right word. My A.R.'s are tough. So you really shit. I really shit. I had like a bag of shit in my, and I'm pterodactyl walking away. And I left my undies in the bathroom, and just full of shit.

And my friend, he saw me come out of the bathroom after it, and he goes, was you just shit on the floor? You didn't try to throw it away or something? I didn't know where to put it. You just put it on the floor? Just left it on the floor. You're a savage to throw it away or something? I didn't know where to put it. You just put it on the floor? Just left it on the floor. You're a savage, dude. Yeah, I know. No garbage can in the bathroom? You want to pick that up?

It was a bag of shit. I mean, you need to pick it up. Someone's got it and it should be you. Yeah. And then that's when he was like, mush. And then they started Marty and then, yeah. So mush actually does not pertain to being a gambling mush. It pertains to shit in your pants.

At first, yeah. And then I went down a rabbit hole of losing everything. And then it really was. That's what art imitates life, man. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy that you were going to become a gambling loser when your nickname was already mush. Yeah. The mush life is something else.

I mean, are you broke? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm broke as fuck. I mean, they got to start bankrolling you at some point because you're riding the content, but you're not going to have any fucking money. Me and that's what me. I literally have a conversation with my bookie all the time.

Like, hey, man, like, I'll get it to you. Don't worry. Like, I rough and rowdy check still coming. I got you. That's probably a big one. Yeah. Is that all going to him? Not all.

A lot of it. Not all, but it's going to be. I do this thing where I lose a lot, and I'm like, don't worry. I got you next week, and I try and win it back. Yeah, that's called being a gambler. Yeah, yeah. That's called it. What a strategy you got there, Marty.

Breaking news for all the gamblers out there. Tell your bookie you'll win it next week. Don't worry. I got this thing I do where I don't get hungover because I just keep drinking. Yeah, exactly. It's a good system. Sounded good in my head. It really did.

I mean. You're a legend. What are you, Marty underscore mush? Yes. What's your Twitter? You got to know your Twitter handle, bro. Marty underscore mush. Give him a follow.

Watch him in the bird. Electric. He's a fucking electric factory. So is his bird. He's got a couple losers for you tonight, I'm sure. He's the mush. Wild. Wild.

You stay hot. Marty's going to stay cold.