KFC Radio - Mr. Skin Deserves A Lifetime Achievement Award Ft. Kim Congdon

Episode Date: January 25, 2022

- KFC and Feits basically watch porn together - Feitelberg hates sex, but his body doesn't - KFC's kids might actually serve him some purpose - Is it weird to turn on a podcast while others are in a car with you? - Feits gets bullied in Vermont - Top 5 JO Mainstream Films (AKA films with nudity that made you excited when you were younger) - Jacqed Up covering the most Exciting weekend in NFL playoff history - Voicemails - form to have kids - chakras in New York? - celebrity with the worst google search - Kim Congdon Interview including almost getting eaten by an alligator, Skank-Fest, Rating Guys in bed after sex, and much more. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 0:00 - The guys watch porn 5:38 - Feits truly HATES sex 23:05 - KFC's kids serve him a purpose 34:41 - podcasting with others 47:50 - Feits gets bullied 1:01:27 - Top 5 JO Mainstream Films 1:21:15 - Jacqed Up - NFL Playoffs 1:44:41 - Video Voicemails 02:00:27:26 - Kim Congdon Interview ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Birddogs: Go to https://barstool.link/BirddogsKFC and use promo code KFC. Fight Camp: To get an additional pair of gloves for free, go to https://barstool.link/FightCampKFC. Hellofresh: Go to https://barstool.link/HFKFC and use code kfc16 for up to 16 free meals AND 3 free gifts! WhistlePig Whiskey: Visit https://barstool.link/piggybackryesmash for more info and make sure you grab a box in select stores! 1800 flowers: Go to https://barstool.link/1800FlowersBSS, click the radio icon, and enter code kfc.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I want to be fucked with a knife through my temple. Jesus. I mean, fucking A. I'm trying to meet you in the middle here. For the record, I... I feel like I'm not saying things that are

that out of the ordinary but the facial reactions i'm getting i want to be fucked in the head with a temple with a knife is not out of the ordinary are you ready for this? Are you ready for this? Subscribe to the podcast, KFC Radio on YouTube. Bang. Check, check, check. You see what's on the bottom of your screen record there? What, Pornhub? Yeah,FC Radio on YouTube. Bang. Check, check, check. You see what's on the bottom of your screen record there?

What, Pornhub? Yeah, Pornhub. Yeah. Probably. If Pornhub's not on your recently viewed. I saw your mentions going off. I'm like, what is happening right now? I was hoping that my Pornhub would still be in there. I didn't want it to cut off.

These people out here. If you use an incognito mode you're a fucking pussy that's lunacy that's my take or to use an incognito no no no using me i need a fucking it's fucking rip porn and then i only bro i have bro i have fucking chatcher bait as a fucking frequently visited site dude that's what you what you you so shocked about It's what happens When you hit play Automatically have Chatterbait I'm not fucking on Chatterbait

No I thought you said Chatterbait I think I am saying Chatterbait You're saying Chatterbait Chatterbait Chatterbait Right

Masterbait Chatterbait Let's fucking find out We've seen it Like they Do you think they pay Like a ton Or like Pornhub Just owns that or something

Like It's been the pop up On Pornhub For like 10 years Bro I don't even Actually my shit's not Pornhub My shit's or something. Like it's been the pop-up on Pornhub for like 10 years. Bro, I don't even – actually, my shit's not Pornhub. My shit's 8 Brown. I'll trash it. Oh, wait.

No, that's – so what happened recently – I think I mentioned this. My most recent is like page four of Pornhub. Oh, yeah. Remember that? That's happened to me too. Those ones I'll delete. Those ones I'll be like, don't leave me the page four. I want to see the good shit.

So then I have – so then what I do is I hit the automatic. Like I hit that, and then I hit the top to refresh it with like the page one. Chatterbait didn't just open this one. Live HD cams just opened for me. Leo Lulu has just the thumbnail game on lock, bro. They just know what they're fucking doing, dude. Live jazz. We're just sitting here watching porn with each other.

Just a couple of guys watching porn. That's basically what this show is. Like in 10 years, that's just what we will do. We're just going to become like porn critics. Just sit here fucking pounding pud. Yeah, well, we got a top five coming. We got a top five coming about some porn and some masturbation. Stop coming.

It's KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. This has been my favorite intro I think we've ever done. I can't believe Nick thought I was going to be – I got nervous that I didn't crop something else out of that video. I did a screen recording on my phone. I thought a text message popped up or something. And then he realized it was porn. He's had the audible of mind comp.

Breaking news, guys. I frequent Pornhub. I don't know if you knew it, but yeah, I dabble on pornographic websites. Have you ever done Chatterbait or Live Jasmine or any of those? Never. Have you ever done a live girl cam? Neither have I. That's kind of weird that we haven't done that.

I guess it is. You would think that the live cam industry must be I mean you must be a creep. You got to be a real pervert. Bro, if I'm not doing it, you're a fucking pervert. That's what I mean. Like live cam people, live cam industry, big live chat must be like – Bro, I'd run out of shit to say. Look, I'm just looking to fucking come.

I don't want to fucking – I think it's more like – That's a chore. That's a task. I have to fucking –. Yeah, I don't think you need to talk to them. I don't want to fucking... Yeah. I think it's more like you like... That's a chore. That's a task. I have to fucking... But don't you... I have to tell this chick what to do with her pussy. You know what we should do?

You figure it out. You're the professional. We should do this. We should do this for content. You want to... What? Go on? Just fucking...

And just like... Try and talk nasty? For content. Bro. No, no, no, no. Here's the thing. I don't even... First of all, I don't think you have to like literally talk.

Stick your fingers in your pussy. It's gotta be weird. But I think you can be like... What else would I tell her to do? I'm out. I'm out. I think you can chat. Like you think you have to literally talk. Stick your fingers in your puss. It's got to be weird. But I think you can be like – What else would I tell her to do? I'm out. I think you can chat. You don't have to say it, which helps a lot. But also –

Is that why you don't have to have a – No, no, no. I think you get like – Oh, well, I don't know. It's just me and her? I have to sex? I think it's like a strip club. I think it's like a strip club.

I think it's like you can do it with a bunch of other people or you can do it privately. You got to probably pay like fucking $20 a minute or some shit to do it privately. Dude. It's a task. It is. It's like having regular sex.

It's like, I guess I'll do this. Bro, once I come, I'm like, I got an hour of this. What do I do for the next 56 minutes? But I think you can just be like,

yeah, I don't like that. Like, cut to the chase. Like, turn around. You know what I mean? Like,

I don't need you to like, I don't think I'd be comfortable with this. Telling them what to do? Yeah. Why it feels like a little, like, like human trafficking, like, taken? Sure. Yeah.

Yeah, there's some of that aspect to it. It's just also, like, You're just some Eastern European woman that I'm telling to do sexual things. That does not feel right. Bro, I get, like, even with sexting, I run out of steam pretty fast. Well, you know why? Because we go right, we cut right to the chase these days. Yeah. Like, I run out of steam pretty fast. Well, you know why?

Because we cut right to the chase these days. Like I don't think we're – I don't think we're like, are you touching yourself? It's like fucking wink your asshole. You know what I mean? It's like let's get right there, zero to 100 real quick. Yeah, and then like I'm like, I'm out now. I quickly turn into – This is how people become perverts.

Because we gotta think, we're 30-something years old. We're gonna do this for another 20 years. We're gonna find some new shit to talk about. I don't fucking know. Are you gonna retire from sex? Are you gonna retire from sex? I don't think you are. Yeah, I think I'm hashtag done. No!

I'm gonna give you a chance to take that back The sanctity of hashtag done We don't just flippantly throw that out willy nilly If you say you're hashtag done with sex I'll take your fucking sack right off I I wanna be hashtag done with sex

Okay that's fine but are you I don't think I am I don't think you can do that I'm a pussy I don't think you can do that That's like suicide People wanna fuck me And I I have to obl. I don't think you can do that. Because unfortunately, people want to fuck me.

And I have to oblige them. Isn't it nuts? Why are you fucking me? No one can fuck me ever again. It is crazy. No one fuck me. It is nuts. I don't want to fuck you. No one fuck me.

It's crazy. The moment someone shows up, I'm like, I guess I got to fuck them now. like like how how do girls wanna have sex with people like us cause it's not just it's not just me and you it's him it's everybody it's all of us this guy's got a cheater

rug we're disgusting you know and that's we're the good ones technically you know the other half of them are fucking date-raping people. You know, the other ones are like, half of guys are literal monsters. I'm getting mentally date-raped. Well, yeah, that's true. You're being raped.

Yeah. I get raped so much, dude. Well, you used to get physically raped. Now you're getting mentally raped. And you're one of the good ones. Think about it. You take half of the pool of men,

throw them out because they're literal criminals and monsters and just perverts and terrible people. Then within that next half, probably half of that are people like us who are just gross and have questionable morals. And that leaves you with, you know,

like a, I don't even know what the math is there. Like a, whatever percentage of like viable guys that like are at least willing to engage in sex with you who are like good looking enough. I mean, it's crazy. It's every time I have sex, I walk out of that apartment. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I definitely didn't want to do that. And it's, I also find it unattractive when they have sex with us. It's like, oh, well, that bar is so low, you know?

Bro. Like, well, you're disgusting if you have sex with me. Bro, I haven't willingly had sex in over ten years. That's not true. Not ten years. Not ten years. I'll give you five. I haven't had sex with personal gusto in a long time.

Ladies, if you're looking for gusto, Feidelberg ain't the one. Every fuck is begrudged. But, like, but, okay, mentally and emotionally, yes, right? But when you're in the moment, you're trying to throw down, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Once I put on a show. I'm going to try to make you come. Yeah.

I want you to walk out of here and give me a good grade. Oh, I want you to have fun. But no, I'm not. Yeah. That's I don't think that's true. I'm sure I'm exaggerating to an extent. Here's the thing. I am like in the when it's happening.

I'm like all about it. It's the build up to it where it's like, I got like in the when it's happening I'm like all about it it's the build up to it where it's like I gotta get this thing hard and like what if it doesn't

and what if it doesn't go long enough or what you know what I mean and then I it's like I'm nervous about it it's not a fun experience

it's like you know what it is it's like all these statements I start to glance over and I'm like wait a minute no wait what did he? It's like podcast. All these statements, I start to glance over. I'm like, wait a minute. No, wait. What did he say?

That's really problematic. It's much like doing podcasts. Like I have done so many podcasts that I can do them now, like, you know, standing on my head. But there's still like we sit down and I'm like What are we going to do for top five We got to talk about this we got to talk about that And then you put it together and you're like Okay alright we got a good enough show let's do it That's sex

I'm not like actually nervous But I'm kind of like this is a thing we just got to do here And uh You know I got to come up with this and that And try something new and fucking You know put on a show for the crowd. They only like you if you fuck them, Kevin. They really do.

It sucks. It's crazy. Can't we just hang out, man? Why you gotta touch my dick? Seriously. And you know what's funny? You know what's funny? I'm like not kidding at all.

I know. Because think about it. What have we said? There's two things. Bro, can we just watch fucking TV? Two things we've said over the years. I know. Because think about it. What have we said? There's two things. Bro, can we just watch fucking TV? Yes. Two things we've said over the years.

What do guys like to do the most? We like to just hang out with other dudes and watch TV and be relaxed and shit. So why would we break that? Why would I change that up? And two, the nights that we know we can't have sex and we just get to get blackout drunk and not have any pressure. Best nights of my life, dude. We're so pumped. So why do they then have to ruin it by fucking us? Women, just fuck each other.

Leave us alone. Well, also, you know. Because then they have the nerve To be all like You know No guys know what they're doing Like nobody ever makes me cum Yeah It's like if it was

It's like you're telling me To do homework here You know I don't want to do it But you know what the problem is Like you know I wanted Pabs do you agree with us

Or are you still so young And dumb You like sex No if Pabs agrees with us That's a problem Don't agree with us You should like having sex I don't know how to answer this question

You should You should still like having sex At 22 you should be like Still chasing it And going for it Sex But you should be bad at it still It's the real deal baby

I love sex. I love fucking other girls. Love getting in some fucking pussy, bro. Fuck you. But then what happens is, you know, then when, you know what it is? Once you fuck someone who fucks you the way you want to be fucked, then you're just getting roped in. You know what I mean?

I want to be fucked with a knife through my temple. Jesus. I mean, fucking A. I'm trying to meet you in the middle here. For the record, I feel like I'm not saying things that are that out of the ordinary, but the facial reactions I'm getting. I want to be fucked in the head with a temple with a knife? It's not out of the ordinary?

That's not that out of the ordinary for me to say. Jesus. Unfortunately, you're probably right. It's not that crazy. You guys are all so surprised about it. This is like swimming in the dick pool. I was really just trying to meet you and Chaps in the middle and be like, yeah so surprised about it. I am. This is like swimming in the dick pool. I was really just trying to meet you and Chaps in the middle and be like, yeah, I get it. And by the end, I was like, I don't know what we're talking about.

Swimming in pool of dick pools. Touch your dick. Touch your dick right now. Feel it. That'd be comfortable. That'd be comfortable. Yeah. No.

I get it. But a whole, like a 10,000-gallon pool of dicks started to freak me out. I get what you're saying, but at the end of the day, when the sex is happening, I am still like, I'm very happy to be doing this. Whereas you are like, I wish I was getting stabbed to death. That is a red flag, my friend. That is a red flag.

I remember a scene in the film Street Fighter, which was – American cinema classic. Yeah. When – I forget the bigger guy, the kind of similar wrestler size dude. E. Honda. E. Honda. E. Honda is getting whipped, tortured, and he's not reacting at all. No, nothing.

That's you. And then whoever else is in the room with him is like, how do you do that and he goes dude i just put my mind elsewhere let's go to a different place and they replied next now your mind runs out can you bring back a pizza and my mind is at a pizza shop always every time like when when she's like you know who like what are you thinking about i'm thinking about this pizza Domino's probably Cheesy bread? Like would you rather fuck a human or cheesy bread? Probably cheesy bread

There have been times I've been having sex Where I was staring at the wall And like I had to I was like dude you're having sex Knock it off I was just completely Please put on a show I was completely zoned out

Yeah but So I think then when you When you find a person who, like, matches your sex drive either high or low, then you're gravy. Then you're in the good spot, you know, where you're like, it doesn't feel like pressure. I don't think, you know, I think that it's. Or you can be like, what you need to do is find a chick who doesn't like fucking.

Yeah, but the problem is I'm attracted to women. Who like so like no but just like like like if they touch me i get hard and i'm like well we gotta do something about this so the problem is a physical response i don't want it you need to reverse viagra yeah well we actually talked about it in the car that i asked forget if you were in the car with me or not when i asked someone to drop me off at a school so so i could get chemically castrated. Because I wouldn't do it myself. You want to get arrested as a child. As a pedophile, yeah.

And then, because I don't have the balls to do it myself, but if the government makes me. Apparently you do. The problem is you want to get them removed. I mean, you're talking about setting yourself up to be taken down as a sexual predator. To just stop having sex with women. You want to stop this dick from getting hard, bro. Do you realize that when we talk about dicks, it's usually like the problem is this dick has a mind of its own. And that's why sometimes it doesn't get hard.

Or that's why it comes too soon, or that's why it's hard all the time and I can't control it because I want to fuck all these girls, whatever. I don't want to. It just goes off. Yeah, you have the reverse. You're like, this dick is a problem because it's too – your dick is hornier than you are.

Yeah, my dick's way hornier than I am. Your dick's brain and your brain don't match on horny levels. Dude, my horny level is a zero. My dick's way hornier than I am. Your dick's brain and your brain don't match on horny levels. Dude, my horny level is a zero. My cock's horny level is a hundred. A hundred thousand. A hundred thousand. Yeah. You need to even that out.

You need to give some of your dick's horny to your brain. Yeah. You need to be 50-50. Yeah, meet in the middle somewhere. Yeah. Get in your stomach. Get in your belly button. Yeah.

You know what I'm pissed off about, by the way? What? Like, the push it on the stomach move has gone mainstream. It's all over TikTok. Really? Yeah. It's a shame. What's it on TikTok?

It's like there's this like sound. They're teaching the folks how to score on TikTok? Yeah. There's this sound of this. I really don't even know what the original one is. It's mostly silent for the first 15 seconds. And at the end, they go, who taught you that? Or like,

who told you about that? So there's girls who just stare at the camera and it says like, when he pushes down on your stomach or like pushes on your tummy or whatever

and then she just goes, who told you about that? And it's got a zillion views and a bajillion likes and then all the comments are people being like, wait, what do you mean? And then people are describing it

and I'm like, the secret's out. That used to be a good move. That was a move that people didn't really know until you did it. Now it's like, I guess everyone knows. I thought it was mainstream already. You gotta remember for us. That's what I mean. But now I think it's

just on the precipice of Chatterbait. For the people who jerk off to the pre-roll cartoons but would never click on the pop-ups and actually engage. I think I'd like to find a chatterbait. I'd do that. I'd like to find a woman who doesn't squirt. And I just keep saying, can you squirt?

And that's the whole thing. And she's like, no. Oh, I can't. She's like, no, I can't. And I'm like, can you squirt though? And she's like, no, I can't. And I'm like, please, squirt for me. And that's how I spend my hour, pretending I don't understand English.

You are going to achieve this goal of being arrested as a sexual predator. Swear to God. Swear to God. I watched some – I went down a dark hole Those pre-roll cartoons Sent me to a dark place What are you doing? Huh?

What are you doing? I watched a It was a It was a four part series And I'm like waiting No a three part series And I'm like waiting For the fifth part

Or the fourth part I'm like when's it coming out It was Are you coming to this stuff? No No So you're fucking fourth part. I'm like, when's it coming out? Are you coming to this stuff? No. No. So you're fucking... No, it was too rare.

Oh. But it wasn't even like... It was just like her name was Lara Croft, but it didn't even really look like her with the whole thing. That would turn me off. It looked like Lara Croft does kink in the castle. Is this person a cartoon or is this real? No, it's a cartoon.

But it's like one of those Polar Express cartoons where they really look fucking real. You know what I mean? Can I see it? Yeah. Yeah, you can, John. I think. It was something like Lana Needs Help.

Wait, Lana Rose? No. What's her name? Lara Croft. Lara Croft. I was going to mix that up with Lana Rose. Lara. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You Croft. Lara Croft. I was going to mix that up with Lana Rose. Lara. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're not, you're not. Listen. When you see this, you're going to be like, okay. I mean, like, look at that thumbnail. It's going to get you every time. What? Yeah. And then because it's not real, they do all sorts of wild shit, bro.

Bro. This is fucking... I gotta get locked up too, you know? Oh, shit. Oh, we're really watching it, huh? I thought you were just gonna do that preview thing where it flashes the... I'm gonna skip around it. I mean, what part are you on?

You gotta start at part one so you know the plot. Oh, yeah, she's got tallies for when she's getting fucked in the pussy or the butt. It says... Does it really? It's been mostly pussy for her. Okay, well... Wait, now I'm going to fast forward because it says next hole pointing to her butthole. I'm going to fast forward and see if once it goes in the bum,

if the tally mark gets put there. Whoa. Oh, like you want to see if there's continuity? Yeah. You want to see if there's a set director being like, well, this was out of order, out of sequence here. This is absolutely out of control. Was she pregnant?

Is she pregnant? Bro, she's pregnant. No, no, no, no. You went too far because it's something else. It's something else. It was wild. See, it's wild shit, dude. Bro, what is it?

It was like a a this is a pregnant person i'm looking at pregnant no it was something in in a different hole that they were it was crazy bro that's a pregnant stuff it's fucking rewind dog let me show you dude it's not it was fucking it was you know something else like an alien like an alien? No, it's like... A baby? It's like milk or some shit. Yeah, baby's pregnant. What?

I don't even know what it is, dude. See, there's that tube. Some shit's going down. Oh! Yeah, and you see it like... Listen, not my proudest fap, as they say, you know? But also, in a way, kind of. Like, this is some shit.

So she's definitely... She's not pregnant. She's not pregnant. That, this is some shit. She's not pregnant. That's what I'm saying. She's not pregnant. She got pregnant through her butt. She's about to get pregnant? She's getting pregnant with something that comes through a fucking tube in there. Oh, boy.

See, but isn't this more interesting? It's in her vagina. It's in her vagina. She can get pregnant through there. That's usually how it goes. Yeah, that's how it would work I just want to see when she gets pregnant I think you missed it

I didn't miss it man When they push the button I don't think so I think she just gets Look at that she's got milk in her boobs That would be pregnancy Oh man I'm telling you That would be pregnancy. Oh, man. I'm telling you.

That comes with pregnancy. While you watch this, I'm going to talk about bird dogs. Because bird dogs are my guys. When was the last time you threw around a Vortex? Honestly, pretty recently. But it was a bird dog. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

At the beach this summer. Bird dogs, they have rekindled the market For Vortex because right now When you order new bird dogs clothing They send you a quote unquote Whistle football You know what it is It's a motherfucking Vortex dude

But they also sent me A pair of their pants Because bird dogs started out with the shorts And their whole thing was that it has the built-in underwear and you can wear the shorts in the summer and you'll be comfortable the whole time. And now they've got the joggers and pants because it's fucking cold

and those are in season right now. And they did the same exact thing. It's got a comfy waistband. Bird dogs are legit insanely comfortable. It doesn't make sense. And for something that looks as... You put on your favorite pair of sweatpants. It's comfortable, but you look like a fucking homeless person.

I walk in here with sweatpants. People question my mental health. You walk in with bird dogs, and people look like you're dressed for a meeting, except your dick's just swishing, and your balls are feeling good, and it's got that... I don't even know.

The highest praise I can give bird dogs is that, what's that material? It's bird dogs. I don't know what it is. It's kind of like athletic swishy pants, but it doesn't make that noise, and it doesn't look like you're going to the gym. It's just bird dogs.

They've got their own level of comfort. Your legs look good. It fits you well. It's comfortable with the built-in underwear. They sent me some navy ones as well as some khaki ones. So different colors in pants style and in jogger style. And it comes along with the Vortex football. So you get the free whistle football when you use promo code KFC at birddogs.com.

That's B-I-R-D-D-O-G-S.com. Promo code KFC, and get the free Howler football from back in the day. I had a classic moment. I feel like a lot of times I complain about my kids, and rightfully so.

I made the list of... How about this? I want you to... Before we get into top fives, or real top fives, I made a definitive list of the most annoying things ever. Okay. And I want your take on it. Sure.

I probably can rattle these off the top of my head, but I want to make sure I had the right order. And I did this at a time when Keegan is going through this phase where he literally climbs on my head at all times. Like, I'm just sitting there, and he just climbs me like a tree, and then where he literally climbs on my head at all times. Like I'm just sitting there and he just climbs me like a tree and then like sits on my head. And then he's just like talking to me. And I'm just like, this is not realistic. We can't operate this way, dude.

And so in that moment, I decided the definitive list of most annoying things in this world. One, kids. Two, work. Three, bills. Four, doing things. Five, kids. Two, work. Three, bills. Four, doing things. Five, people. Now, some people were saying five should really be like at the top and that just encapsulates everything, which is probably true. But I don't know.

People can also be good. Like people can be fun. You can like people. You can have sex with people. You can party with people. I know. That's probably not the best. You know, you cannot have sex with people. To me party with people. I know. That's probably not the best. You know, you cannot have sex with people.

To me, like, and again, I said annoying. Like, kids, I love them. But when I talk about, you know, I always say, like, kids are rewarding and fulfilling and you love them. But they're not fun because they annoy you and ruin your plans. So it's like when I want to just sit here, I have a human climb on my head. When I want to watch, like, the game, I have to watch Bubble on my head. When I want to watch the game, I have to watch Bubble Guppies. When I want to go to sleep, you wake me up. All the things that are like if an adult was doing it, you'd be like, you're so fucking annoying, dude.

Kids just do that all the time. But I realize that's something that not everyone goes through. But the rest, pretty much everyone does. Work, bills, doing things, people. I don't find bills annoying. You got money. But the – You got money and no responsibility you know bills ultimately i guess i don't pay bills yeah you don't know well i mean you don't pay enough bills you know you don't yeah you have your rent i pay food and that's it you know yeah

when you start getting into but like food's not bills i like like food. No. Rent. You have rent, taxes, and do you even pay for insurance or anything? Maybe you have that, like life insurance, car insurance. No, you probably don't even have a car. No, I don't think I do. You really only have rent. I have insurance in my apartment. When you start to pay, you have your rent or your mortgage, and you have tuition or school payments, and you have taxes.

Bro, that's wild. You have tuition. Tuition. Dude, they started. That's something they don't tell you, man. I'm going to make a list or do a podcast or something. Of all the things they don't tell you about kids, you get hit with tuition. If, like, you know, if you are, like, middle class and you're going to, like,

you know, you could just be like, my kids are not going to school until kindergarten. Fuck you. Yeah. But nowadays, if your kids don't go to school till kindergarten they're like behind you know what i mean like they got really i mean my kids started when they were two your kids started to go to school too that's and and and you know don't get me wrong it was like for two hours a day two days a week right or it's like it's glorified babysitting but they start to teach and learn to read and write and all that shit so it's like

it is good my kids are pretty smart but i'm paying out of the fucking ass for it and i'm like just don't call it tuition just tell me like i have a bill to pay like a school bill but when they were like when you know tuition is due and i was like what do you mean tuition she's fucking two yeah tuition i was like holy shit please just don't call it that um So once you get the mortgage and the tuition and car insurance, life insurance, landscaping for the house, fucking Christmas presents. All of a sudden, shit just – I don't buy Christmas presents. It's just all these things. There's always just something that just smacks you in the face every four months where it's like, oh, I wasn't planning for that at all.

And now I have to buy – even like I have to pay for swim lessons and dance lessons and gymnastics and then all of a sudden it's like another like 1500 bucks a month i'm like this is like another fucking rent i'm paying what's going on here you know so kids bills the kids and bills kind of work simultaneously together they've they've conspired against me kids and bills um but kids work bills doing things people, work, bills, doing things, people. Would you change any orders? Would you add any things? What do you got?

Oh, I guess because of the absence of reality that I've concocted for myself. I like work. You have done a great job of living a life where everyone's like, you've got to do it this way. And you're like, no, you don't. I'm just going to do it this way instead. Like work's fun. I mean, don't get me wrong.

You sound like, you know, suicidally depressed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. It's great. You enjoy work. You can pay your rent, like, and it doesn't, you know, you're not like, you know, scraping by where like you're like struggling to shelter't you know you're not like you know scraping by where like you're like

struggling to shelter yourself you like food like you said you uh that's basically all I do man yeah and like but at any given moment like right now

if you wanted to could you pick up and go you know do you have enough money just saved up where it was like I want to just

fucking have a bomb ass vacation in fucking Europe right now I'm gonna go yeah I mean that's awesome yeah I mean yeah like breaking news if you don't get married and have kids your life's awesome you know and yes you want to i'm not being like a woman hater club here it's like yeah you want to people like oh i don't want to die alone or i want to be fulfilled or i want to

pass on this or i love kids yeah yeah yeah fine, yeah, fine. Well, this is just true. I'm talking about the fun you want to have and the things you want to do and the goals you want to accomplish. XYZ, insert here, when you're an adult, a single adult, if you stay single, you can do all of them. You don't need to make that much money because when you're spending it just on yourself, it's easy. It's when you start to pay for other people.

Yeah, you pay for like four people to live. It's nuts. It's It's when you start to pay for other people. Yeah, you pay for, like, four people to live. It's nuts. It's not something I deal with. I would be like, no. I know, I know, I know. I need more John in my life. Especially, like, my specific situation is, like, I am paying for entire other lives. And it's like, it shouldn't be that way.

You're fucking nuts. It should not be that way. Like, there should be some help. There should be some help. It shouldn't just be all on me. You want me to pay for what? Yeah, way. You're fucking nuts. It should not be that way. Like, there should be some help. There should be some help. It shouldn't just be all on me. You want me to pay for what? Yeah, you. You five, go get a job, dude.

You and my family both have been like, just don't do this. I can't stop myself. I don't know how. But, yeah, you, Peter Pan it over here, and it's pretty fucking amazing. It's going well. I mean, again, it's not, like, at all. It's going well. I mean, again, it's not at all. It could be worse. I'm decidedly the most unhealthy person

I've ever come across in my life. If I gave you right now, you could push a button and you could just be like, poof, married with kids or live this current life that you're living. This one. Yeah, yeah. This one. Even though you're admitted pushing that button. Yeah, yeah. Right, right, right. This one.

Even though you're admittedly like this. The enemy you know. Lesser of two evils for sure. Yeah, no. I know how to deal with this fucking guy. I know. I know. Everyone else, that could be a game changer.

That is also the main thing. When you don't have control, it's like making the playoffs. You got to be in control of your own destiny. When all of a sudden you need two people to lose and a tie might hurt you and all that shit, it's all out of your own hands. When you – I got to pay this bill and your bill and that bill and then you got to do this and you got to do that and it's all going to – when it's just like here's my shit. Because then also when you fuck up, it's like, well, it's just – okay. So like I get in trouble

you know or I get evicted or I lose my job or whatever but it's like when I die it just affects me that's it

it will be that's awesome it will be you know what nothing better than dying cold and alone with nobody caring about it

like the ultimate letdown it's gonna be think about it the ultimate letdown. Think about it. The ultimate letdown is us dying, you know? Yeah. It's going to be a little bit.

People aren't going to realize I'm dead. It's sick. It'll just be in between the podcast. It's time to record next week. John's not here. Yeah. Fuck. John's dead.

Nothing like dying alone, man. Think about it right now. If I die, there's crying and there's problems. If you die, it's sad because there's families. I know. You die. It's like, well, that's what he wanted. If I die, it's sad because it's like, that's sad. Like his neighbor, the one who yelled at him about Christmas carols was like,

are you fucking dead over there? That's how they found out. I was stinking dead. Yo, speaking of stink, I had a moment with the kids so actually the reason why i even brought this up is because i know i often complain a lot about the kids and then i don't really share like the fun happy stories because those are lame yeah like some stories but i had a funny one the other day that made it like you know i laugh at my kids sometimes but every now and then they will There will be a funny moment that genuinely Makes me laugh the way an adult would make me laugh

You know what I mean? Every once in a while my kids serve purpose Yes, every once in a while My kids are as cool as my friends are So Shay is like Bouncing around on the couch And she just rips a fart Like a loud classic fart

And Keegan goes, ew, Shay, you're gross. You're dirty. And I was like, damn. And Shay just goes, no, no, I'm not. It was my butt's fault. And I just fucking lost it, man. I just started cackling. She ripped a fart?

It was just like, no, I think she was just kind of like bouncing on the couch, and she just kind of like flexed it. It was just a classic little whoopie cushion pop, and Keegan just was like, you're gross, you're dirty. She goes, no, it's just my butt's fault. I was like, that's revolutionary, man. Next time someone farts, be like, it's just my butt. It's my butt, dude.

My butt. I mean, there are two things you really can't control. It's your dick and your asshole. Those things have a mind of its own. I don't want to fart. It's not my decision. Yeah. You know, it was my butt's fault.

Hey, ahead of your time, girl. Can't wait to play this for you when you're a teenager. You're going to really appreciate this story. Then proceeded to tell me a story about someone. We were at a family party and someone farted and said, let's keep it a secret. And told me. And we all

had a good laugh about that. And then she realized what she had done. She realized she had ratted and didn't keep it a secret and uh and told me and we all had a good laugh about that and then she realized what she had done she realized she had ratted and i'm like didn't keep it a secret so she comes back to me she goes dad uh i made it i made it up it was it was just a joke and i go what was just a joke she goes the story about about the toot she calls it tooting she goes it was that was just something i said to make you laugh i was like you conniving little motherfucker you're either lying about the story the first time or you realize that you let the cat out of the bag

and you needed to cover your tracks. But either way, I kind of like that she's not a rat. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't rat

when people fart. Let people fart and hide it from the world, Jay. Good girl. But that was so, I had my nice moment with my kids

laughing about farting. It was a good moment. That's fun. Yeah. Makes it all worth it. Yeah, totally. Totally. It erases all of the misery that comes along with it.

Fucking A. You did something this weekend that I've – this is kind of the difficulty of doing a show with a friend because I've wanted to talk to you about this for a few days now, and I can't because I want to save it for the air. Remember when we were in the car and you suggested we put on a podcast? There were four people in the car. That's crazy.

Why? Who listens to talk radio with people in the car? I don't want to talk to you guys. I would rather. You listen to music. You have music on in the background. You don't listen. You don't put a podcast on.

That's telling everyone in the car. Yeah. I don't want to talk to you guys. I'd rather listen to funny people. You have literally zero interest in anything. Also, I'm in the car with all the people we do a podcast with. Yeah. So all the more reason to listen to it.

Why? Because it's like we can listen to another podcast that's funny and good. Or like, what are they doing? Dude, that's crazy. I can pretend I didn't hear you. I was just like, I put up music. I guess so.

I would much rather, I mean, do you remember the music we were listening to? It was absolutely dreadful. It was, we listened to horrible music for like three hours

instead of a funny podcast. We listened to bad music for like 10 minutes. I put on the We Were Young Festival playlist. That was horrendous. That wasn't very good, but then everyone's

cumming themselves over that festival. I listened to that playlist. That was the worst. That wasn't very good. But then everyone's cumming themselves over that festival. I listened to that playlist. That was the worst music I've ever heard in my life. Yeah, that playlist wasn't hot. Truly.

That playlist wasn't hot. But even the songs I'm supposed to listen to, there's a couple songs in there that I know that are good and the rest are just teenagers who want

to kill themselves and are whining. Gang shit. Yeah. No wonder you like it. No wonder. Also, why didn't we just did a podcast right after? Why didn't you liked it No wonder Also We just did a podcast right after Why didn't you bring it up during the podcast

No that was after the podcast I thought it was before No because you were in the front seat I was driving I don't think it's that crazy To put on a podcast of somebody that we all know I think it's even crazier Like someone that I know we all If I was just like put on this podcast That I somebody that we all know yeah i think it's even crazier to like if it's

like something that i know we all like if i if i was just like put on this podcast that i like and no one else knows i think if you know me and you listen to this podcast you're a psychopath just fucking call me dude make me tell all these stories to you personally i mean i've never thought about it but i guess um i, but I guess put it out there. Do you think it's weird to listen to a podcast in the car with other people? I think listening to talk radio is very disrespectful. I mean, that's crazy.

Because I've just been in the car a million times with people we put on WFAN, like instantly. Really? Yeah. And then you talk about what they're talking about or disagree with them or whatever. And then you talk over the people you put Really? Yeah. And then you, like, talk about what they're talking about or, like, disagree with them or whatever, you know? And then you talk over the people you put on? Sure. That's crazy! You talk over the music that you're listening to?

Yeah, that's different. Not barely. Music is background noise. You gotta pay attention to talk radio. But you don't have to. So everyone's gotta be, like, quiet and listen. That's why I don't think people do that. I think people put it on and then, like, it's on in the background while you work or while you talk or while you do whatever.

I'm not a talk radio guy, so you grew up like WFAN, so that's probably why I dislike it. I don't dislike it, but that's why I wouldn't go to it. When I went home, I listened to it. I'm not a talk radio guy, so you grew up like WFAN, so that's probably why I dislike it.

I don't dislike it, but that's why I wouldn't go to it. When I went home, I listened to that. It was Shane and Matt's podcast, and it was way better than any of the music we were listening to. So we would have had a more enjoyable trip, motherfuckers. You were asleep. You were unconscious. Not when I was driving?

Yeah, but you said it when I was driving. No, I didn't. Yes, you did. That's why, because I was in control of the music. Oh, well, yeah, you put on some shitty music, so I went to sleep. You said put on the podcast. Yeah, I would have listened. I would have listened, but then you put on bad music, so I was like, I'm going to go to sleep.

I'd rather be unconscious than listen to this shit. Fucking kill myself music. I didn't realize that those were all, like, teenagers who really wanted to kill themselves. I thought those were all adults who made, like, I don't know, just emotional emo music. I didn't realize that those were all like teenagers who really wanted to kill themselves. I thought those were all adults who made like, I don't know, just emotional emo music. I didn't think they were actually like 17 year olds like, my mom's there and I'm not good.

Like, fucking shut up. Mark my words, by the way, I'm predicting it right now. When we were young festival is Fyre Fest Part 2. Why is everyone saying that? Because it's, well, I'm not saying it's going to be like people are dying and shit like that. But it sounds to be like the most unrealistic – like that lineup in the beginning had people being like, no fucking way. This is all in one day, all on this – like all at the same time.

And now they're adding a second day and it's like, well, who's going to play on which days? And if you bought tickets, you could only buy to like one day or both days you couldn't split it up so if you have one day and you're going on sunday you can't see the bands that were on saturday unless both people play all the things i think there's gonna be a lot of disappointed people about when we were young uh that would make sense it is because a lot of them are also pretty like a lot older now and unless people can do because Because I believe they said the main people do an hour set. And that's a decent chunk. So unless

My Chemical Romance and Paramore and the big ones are going to do both nights, I think you're going to end up picking between the two. And then between the days, you also have to pick between the stages. So you see a hundred bands, you're probably going to actually see like ten of them. But that's a festival. Is that what a festival is? A see a hundred bands, you're probably going to actually see like ten of them. And also,

these fucking, like a lot of these bands I think suck. Yeah, there's a lot of bands I don't recognize. I don't even know a lot of them. Also, is it like, Paramore is, I don't think Paramore is this. Isn't that just what, like, when you go to Coachella you don't see every artist. No, but it's usually like a three day

event though, you know what I mean? But there's a second day now. I know, but I think they were surprised by the popularity of it. But I think they'll figure it out. But that's what I mean. Like, I can't believe they were surprised. Like, then they don't know their market at all because I've never seen a reaction like that. Yeah. People were.

I mean, people were like, I have to go to – People – that's also because – This is like a true, like, bucket list. Like, I can die happy if I go to this sort of thing. So to not know your market, that badly is wild to me it's unfortunate that because like it's like it's become cool now yeah yeah yeah yeah I was saying last episode people can't like things I like yeah and like this was it used to be I was I was the weird kid in high school man not like I was but that's weird but like

that's what I was the nerds took over. Yeah, well, because fucking... Marvel and Game of Thrones. All the fucking Kardashians are fucking them. Stop fucking the fucking weird dudes. That is really... This used to be... That's the theme of this podcast. Stop fucking us.

When this was popular, you were listening to this. You were the kid who didn't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, didn't go on dates, and wasn't popular, and wasn't liked, and never had sex, and now all those people became fucking... Not a lot of meter coming from you, to be totally honest. You're right. I mean, you hit the nail on the head. It's just like, I prefer to say it about me.

And then, between then and now, things like Marvel, and Game of Thrones, and video and video games and Pokemon and all that shit went mainstream. No, it's even after that. I guess it's been slowly the progression. Yeah. But now the hot girls are fucking... Suicidal?

They're fucking the fucking sad boys. Yes, yes, yes. It's fucking nonsense. There's a sad boys NFT now. What is that? There's something the fucking sad boys yes yes yes fucking nonsense there's a sad boys nft now what is that there's something called like sad boys with a z oh yeah like an nft you know it'll probably make a jillion dollars thank you for them uh it's like yeah it's like these little like they're like they look like blue like fish almost like fish humans or something like that and they just like look like slumped and like huh we're gonna crack this fucking nft thing sooner or later um but the the nelt boys

made 23 million dollars in a day i think they sold it was a thousand dollars was like their nft price and they got you know whatever that is,300 people or whatever to sign up. They made $23 million in a day. It's like, we can do some shit like that. We can get some of our diehards to pay a big chunk if you get guaranteed some shit for life, you know? I don't even get, like, what do they buy? NFT at this point is basically just like a contract.

It's like, think about it as Patreon without like a middleman. So like, we would sell, you probably would like to come up with some piece of artwork or something that's like, you now own this picture of you or something like that, right? But it also just means you buy this, you get this,

buy for 500 bucks, 1000 bucks, whatever, 10 bucks, whatever price you want, and in exchange you get like, tickets to all of our events forever, and you know, one, you know one you know the free sad boy season hoodie every year or whatever and it's just like a contract like to deliver upon but it's a cool way to raise a bunch of fucking money quickly you know that's not what i thought nft was so it's the art and then like almost like to get them to buy art

you add that on you give them actual things yeah That's why I think that something like Patreon and Substack and these subscription middlemen, they better be ready to pivot with this NFT shit because it sounds like you don't really need them anymore. But there's always going to have to be somebody servicing it in the middle where – I'm not an expert on this shit, but it's like you would have some sort of blockchain code or something that you could redeem that and make sure you get – but then what sucks is whenever those people go to your event or whatever, now you're doing an event. You're not getting money because they bought that in the first place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like you're going to be doing an event for free. But I think it's also like my diehards bought this, and now we also – you can buy tickets if you're a regular, but we already have. And then I think they make it so that you can then resell that, almost like reselling a ticket.

But I think you get a cut of those resales too. So there's a whole – but the people who think of NFTs as like this, oh, you're buying a JPEG. It's like not fucking really, morons. You know what I mean? It's much more just like a way to agree to something for an exchange of goods. That makes sense. That does, uh,

it does kind of harsh the criticism of, like, it is a JPEG. You have to start adding things with value to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, you might be right. We'll also give you tickets to a concert. Yes, I think the first wave was just like, I like this cute picture and I'm the only owner of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah. All right, you might be right. We'll also give you tickets to a concert. Yes, I think the first wave was just like, I like this cute picture, and I'm the only owner of it.

And now it's like, this is my way to redeem a ticket or whatever. But I'm going to figure it out. I'm going to make the chicken heads. I was about to say, I'm going to make the chicken heads. Give us money. I'm going to make the chicken heads an offer that they really, really like and want to pay us money for. But I think our crowd would just be like, fuck you.

We're not doing this. What's an NFT? Anyway, but I think I want to put it out there to a poll. Would you rather listen to music or a good podcast? A funny podcast. I bet it's music. I bet it's music. I bet it is, but I wonder if it's 9010 or...

That was... I like this thing you got going here. What? This headband. You look like the villain in a ski movie. I was wearing it all weekend. I kind of like this look. Right?

Well, you're a little too smiley to be the villain, but you know what I mean? Yeah. You're like the bully who is on the ski slopes he like fucking knocks the fucking kid over or something like that you know well i got i got bullied a lot this weekend well that's what you do best you get bullied that's why you got to join fight camp and learn how to fucking throw these hands and get in shape so that you can stop the bullies you can meet your fitness goals and meet all your New Year's resolutions while also learning how to fight and train at high intensities and do new workouts, explore different lengths, different difficulty levels, all of that. Fight Camp has your back by creating programs specifically designed to teach you the basics of boxing, kickboxing, fighting.

I mean, you know, just not necessary. We don't need to show the people. This is how I learned to box Bam By punching me What was that noise? I had to clear something On my throat

You are You are the noise Maker You bring the noise Like you know Just getting out of the car I was like Okay

Here we go You should hear me fucking box, dude. Yeah, I bet. I actually, every time I box, I'm surprised that my neighbors have not come down. Well, they're probably afraid of you because you're fucking boxing. They're probably, like, that dude does fight camp. They combine plyometric workouts with cardio, with strength training, with fight lessons, and that teaches

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That's joinfightcamp.com slash KFC to get an additional pair of gloves. Who bullied you, you little bitch? Everybody. Everybody. Everybody. Yeah. It was. B. Yeah. It was. Bully Johnny.

There were. My hippie, big hippie take in a pretty, my biggest hippie take in a significantly hippie brain is that. And I went to a few ski mountains this weekend. So wherever you think I was, this might not be about that place. I'm not trying to get anyone in trouble. I'm just telling funny stories. Is that Corporate America ruins ski? Corporate America ruins ski.

I could definitely see that. It used to just be Fresh Pow, bro. It's like the 80s movies were right. Out Cold is right. It used to be you just fucking go to the mountain and you go fucking ski. And that's it. And everybody respected you in the mountain

and you just chilled. And now like dude I was at the bar I was trying to get a burger and watch the fucking what game was it? What was the first game

of the weekend? Bengals game. So I had a burger and a Bengals game. Didn't have a TV only sold sushi. I was like what are we doing here? I'm trying to get a burger and a beer on the. Didn't have a TV, only sold sushi. I was like, what are we doing here?

Oh, wow. I'm trying to get a burger and a beer on the fucking mountain. That's bad. All you have is sushi and no TV for me? What's going on? This is crazy. That's tough. But the, um.

That sucks. There was, I was getting a ticket one day, and a woman was like, are you from Barstool? And I said, I am. And I had a mask on. Like an employee? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So are you from Barstool? And I said, I am. And I had a mask on. Like an employee? Yeah. So you're from Barstool? And I was like, yeah.

She said, what are you filming today? You're just going to go around asking girls to take their tops off? Dude, I love. People think that we are literally like a fucking renegade pirate ship running around. Bro, I looked her dead in the eye and her dead that's exactly what i'm doing and then i'm gonna ask if they want to fuck me you should have been like i'm gonna rape them i said that's exactly what i'm doing today and then she kind of just like scoff it's also it's like not only is it so like wrong and all the time, it's so stupid

and like juvenile. Like nobody, what are you talking about? We make a video where we run around and say, take your top off. Like what?

Is your last cultural reference Girls Gone Wild? Right. Right. And she kind of scoffs. She wasn't, by the way, awesome Girls Gone Wild.

She wasn't at my, she wasn't the woman helping my ticket. It took an eternity It took forever to get tickets She was blackballing you bro No she wasn't the one doing my ticket Word probably spread

It's like can we get a couple burgers It's for a cop We need to get a new ticket It's for the barstool rapist And she was like So she kind of went back to her thing And then she just like So she kind of went back to her thing And then she just like While the other woman was still working on my tickets

She's like so are you like famous And I said I'm only Bitch you know me I said I'm only famous if you know me Well I don't know you I've heard you say that before That's a great line And I said

I heard her somewhere And the And she was well I don't know you And I was like I was like okay yeah I guess kind of my point. She was, I'm just saying, like, Brad Pitt probably wouldn't have to do this. And I was like, is that the line? That's where we were like, yo, you got bullied, bro.

I was, like, almost looking at Strange in the eye like, are you going to let her talk to me like this? Is no one going to help me? Yeah, yeah. I'm about to fight this lady. Brad Pitt might live his life a little bit different than me. Yeah. You're right. You're right.

If that's the line, would Obama need to wait on this line? Beyonce doesn't do this. Beyonce can't see black diamonds like I can either, so suck my dick. Yo, that is funny i almost tipped my cap to that girl that's almost like was she doing a bit because that's fucking funny she was a weird age to hate me so much too yeah like i feel like because she was like mid-40s and that's like i feel like that you shouldn't even like know me yeah you shouldn't care about me at all right Right. There should be nothing – Brad Pitt.

That's an honor. I mean technically you were in the same breath as Brad Pitt. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like she was saying no but like – Brad Pitt, people who wait in line, Jon Favreau. She should have been like people who make guest appearance on NCIS don't have to do this. Like then we're like in know, sort of thing.

Brad Pitt? Yeah, bitch. Me and fucking Tyler Durden have a little bit different lives. Jesus Christ. And then. You know what you should have said? Take your fucking top off. Get the camera.

Get the camera. Let's get those tits in. Don't pull my. Yes, we want tits. And then at the end of the day, so this is a different day. No, this is the same day. Someone stole my skis. Yeah, you got bullied.

Bro, and this is what I mean with the corporate America shit. Everything is just put up like like firewalls like I went to just the front desk to just to tell people hey someone stole my skis and they're like Dingo it's not our fault right right immediately I was like we were all like read the fine print of your ticket like it was all responsibility as soon as you touch our mountain it's like did you lock them up yeah no no one's ever locked up see that that's the problem too like I would imagine I'm not I'm not a sk, but I would imagine that's the code. You know what I mean?

You're allowed to just leave your skis out there while you get a beer because no one touches anybody else's shit here. And that's just how it goes. What happened was they were a pair of rental skis right next to my brand new skis. And they kind of looked similar. And I think someone who the rentals. Well, because they reappeared. They brought it back. So that is.

But when I was like. Well, let me reappeared. They brought it back. So that is – But when I was like – Well, let me ask you a question though, bro. I mean why didn't you just give them the pin number on your skis? Bro, he asked. He's like, do you have a serial number? I was like – I heard. These guys told me that.

Like do I have the serial number of my skis? That's like do you have the skew of your shoes? No. That's usually the first thing I do when I get skis, but I just, do you have the skew of your shoes? No! That's usually the first thing I do when I get skis, but I just forgot this time. Is that something, though? Is it something like if you're an advent skier? Do you write that down or something?

I've never encountered someone who... Yeah, be like, 3, 2, 9, 6, 4, 3, dash, 9. Real skiers get their fucking pin number. Tatted on their Fucking you know This is the fucking Kind of sleds I'm working with baby Yeah that's nuts dude It was

But they The fact that somebody Brought it back I think actually redeems The ski community a little bit Like someone You know was like I made

Like I fucked up Like but I'm not gonna Keep these I'll bring them back Yeah yeah I was like They were exactly Where I left them

And they were my exact skis But I didn't have the ski number But also it's funny to like I guess you know It was day whatever Like day one And most people go back to the mountain But like

Had you Somebody could have been like Well I don't have my skis anymore So I'm gonna go home You should put it with like A lost and found or something right It was very lucky Did you just stumble upon it

And be like Oh wait they're back And I went back I didn't go to that mountain again I was going to a different mountain for two days. I went back to that mountain two days later than they were there. Oh, wow. So it wasn't the next day.

I went. That was. So they were probably sitting there for like 48 hours. That was Thursday. They got stolen. I went back on Saturday. Wow. Dude, I drove everywhere.

Well, this is a new rule for everybody here. We went to Whistlepig. We went to the farm. Actually, we should probably. No, I guess we did enough coverage there. So We went to Whistlepig. We went to the farm. Actually, we should probably... No, I guess we did enough coverage there. So we went to Whistlepig. We went up to the farm. It was great. I'm happy about it. But it all materialized

because these guys said, well, we're going to Vermont for a ski weekend, so we should go to the distillery. New rule here that we have to understand. States are big. And just because you are in the same state as something doesn't mean you can just stop by.

We were four hours away from the fucking mountain to the distillery. It's like being like, yeah, I'm going to be in Buffalo and you're going to be in Manhattan. So let's meet up. No. Not how things work. Vermont's a long-ass state, bro. Bro, I have driven. Today is Monday. I have been in the car for at least four hours every day since last Wednesday.

Brutal. Oh, I almost crashed and died on the way home. So I did not expect and understand how awesome a the farm and be the people at whistle pig. We're going to be, I was getting vibes that this was going to be a very like corporate retreat sort of thing where we had, you know,

the man, these people like these ski mountain people and they were going to want to do like two truths and a lie or like shit that, you know, and then I meet, we met Jason and everybody and it was like, Oh, these people are fucking awesome.

And this farm is amazing. And I wish I made I made plans to stay over and all this shit. But I didn't because I thought it was going to be lame, so I had to drive back. I did a day trip to Vermont. I did morning and then back at night. And I was miserable getting home, so I was whipping, dude. I was going like 100 because it was on the way back. There's nobody there. And I almost damn near hit a fucking what I believe to be is a goddamn mountain lion.

What? I think it was because it wasn't a deer. It was probably more like a, I guess like a coyote but it looked more like cat-like but what was crazy it was running it wasn't crossing the highway it was running down the

highway. Middle of the fucking on the dotted line. It was just galloping, right? And so I'm driving in the dark, and I'm just, like, eating up miles. Like, the light, you know what I mean? I got my, like, headlights on, and it's just, like, eating up the road. And all of a sudden, I'm listening to a podcast, you know, and all of a sudden I see this fucking, I don't know,

a fucking panther, a fucking mountain lion don't know, a fucking panther? A fucking mountain lion of some sort? Just running along, like, right in the middle of it, and I just, and I swerve around it, and I've always told myself, like, you know, don't fucking kill yourself or the people in the car.

Like, it's sad, but, like, you should probably just hit these animals. Don't, and in the moment I saved that animal. I just zip, zip, and I, like, it was fine, but I like, you should probably just hit these animals. Don't. And in the moment, I saved that animal. I just zip, zip. And I, like, it was fine. But I was going fast enough and had to whip quick enough that I could have easily, like, lost control, flipped over. If I was in an SUV, I probably would have, like, tipped. But I was like, this motherfucker was just running in the middle of the road. This goddamn bobcat.

This fucking lynx. Nuts. Yeah. It was almost like I, like, slowed down for a second. And I was like, should I pull up? Was that real? Did I hallucinate that there was a fucking cheetah running in the middle of the road in Vermont? It was wild, man.

I should have just. You missed. Boom, boom, boom. Well, probably exactly at the time you were doing this, I was throwing axes on fire. The only reason I know that is because I saw the Friday Night Pints intro where there was a clip of it. Oh, really? Yeah, there's a shot of you fire flame axe throwing.

Bro, I was throwing it. They're lighting my axe on fire for me to throw it, and I don't know how it happened. This is at the Whistlepig Farm. Just to make it clear, and if you haven't watched the vlog or Friday Night Pints or any of our videos from it, you go to this farm and they have axe throwing, they have fire pits, they have this sugar shack, they have a tour that they do.

It's wild. It's cool. I would almost say go, but it's not open to the public, motherfuckers. But there's a lot of cool shit to do. So they had all these things lined up, and one of them was axe throwing with fucking flaming axes. But that's not a thing. What? Someone said it, and then I said it.

Oh. So they were like, no, we don't set these on fire. Yeah, I was like, oh, people always do this. And they were like, you're like the third person to ever do this. And I was like, what are you talking about? I didn't come up with this idea. Wildly dangerous. It was like someone had said it.

And I was like, let's throw those flaming axes. And they were like, okay. But I thought it was just like a regular thing. And it was not. Yeah, no, that makes sense. I had to – they wanted to do a barrel fire in one of the whiskey barrels. And they said we're going to pour a bunch of non-distilled whiskey in there

like 150 proof or whatever white dog take this roman candle, you have 12 shots and you gotta hit the barrel and then it'll blow up and then first of all it only did like 5 shots and second of all, as I'm doing it

I miss the first couple and then I'm getting my shots and second of all as i'm doing it i you know i missed the first couple and then i'm like getting my bearings and then i shoot one right at it and it just bounces off the barrel and he was like oh you got to get it in and i was like i gotta get it in i wouldn't have done this i would not agree to this at all i could have told you that i can't shoot a fucking roman candle into a barrel from up on a balcony like no man that ain't my game you know chris kyle yeah i thought i needed to just like hit it and that shit was just gonna to a barrel from up on a balcony. No, man. That ain't my game, dude. You got Chris Kyle? Yeah. I thought I needed to just hit it and that shit was just going to spark.

If I had known I got to get it up and in, I don't even know how I would have fucking done that, man. So, yeah, listen. Whistlepig, you guys were great, but little city boy, I ain't fucking sniping no flaming barrels out here. Jesus Christ. But were you good at flaming axes, are we?

I was actually pretty good. Yeah? They weren't like... Have you ever seen those clips where the axes bounce back at people? Yeah, I didn't have it. I think I put three in. That wasn't super accurate, but I put three in. Yeah, to me, I would be more about just getting it in at that point.

You must have been pretty fucking banged up by the time that was happening. Yeah. That was a full day of drinking, and then they were like, here's a flaming axe. Shout out to Whistlepig. They know how to have a good fucking time. All right, top fives, voicemails, and our interviews. Let's get into them.

Last week we didn't do top fives because, A, we're lazy, and, B, we had run out of ideas, and we wanted to ask the audience to give some top five ideas. So continue to tweet that. We're going to keep giving us things that you want to see us draft and list off. Tweet at us at KFC Radio and on Instagram at KFC Radio. I got a DM from a dude who gave me a slew of fine answers that we'll do in the coming days and weeks. But this guy Pete, he sent over a bunch of them. Top five first date ideas,

top five ways to die, top five zoo animals, things that are perfectly fine and normal. We'll get to all of them eventually. But he led off with top five jerk-off mainstream films. Now, I don't know

if J-O-M-F is a thing, jerk-off mainstream film. But if it is, it's a movie. You can't use the word film in jerk-off mainstream. It's not cinema. It's not the theater. It's not films. It's a jerk-off mainstream movie.

Now, that could mean a lot of things. I don't know. Are we talking like P.B. Herman? Are you jerking off in the movie theaters? What are we talking about here? So we're going to just do top five. Maybe you jerked off to it. Maybe you didn't.

Top five movies that you heard there was nudity or sex scenes or something at a young age where you're like, oh, shit. Some Mr. Skin shit. Shout out to Mr. Skin. Do you remember Mr. Skin? You oh shit. Some Mr. Skin shit, you know? Shout out to Mr. Skin. Do you remember Mr. Skin? You don't know who Mr. Skin is. Do you know? Yeah, you do? You guys don't?

You don't? No. Mr. Skin, I'm going to call it. Mr. Skin is the most dedicated person at their craft than anybody has ever been in the history of just like hobbies and things. Mr. Skin, if you don't know, was a website where this guy would basically timestamp all of the times that someone, that movies had nudity. So he'd be like at the 53, 53 minutes and 25 seconds of like austin

powers you can see her boobs in the hot tub dude that's my fucking number one answer yeah a lot of vagina in the hot tub you can have it you can have it because that was a great one um then there's mr man i didn't know that there's a spinoff called mr man which is dedicated to male nudity only um but i mean you know this, and I'm sure he probably had a handful of people, and then he probably had submissions of people being like, yo, dude, I just saw the new American Pie. And halfway through, there's a scene. And so I don't think I ever actually used Mr. Skin.

Did you ever go to it? I definitely checked it out. I don't know if I masturbated to it, but I looked at it. Did you ever – like, I'm thinking that there was probably people, guys, who would, like, go rent a movie and then, like, cross-reference it with Mr. Skin and be like, wait a minute, let me just check if there's any – you know? Is that how it worked? I think – no. I think you would go and then you would find a celebrity you wanted to see naked. And then you go get that movie. So you Mr. Skin at first.

Yeah. So you search by person. I remember Mr. Skin and Cameron Diaz once. Yeah. Yeah. What'd she naked in? Poison Ivy? She in Poison Ivy?

What's so funny? What are you fucking laughing at? It's the way you ask. What'd she naked in? Yeah, what'd she naked in? I don't remember the answer. Go to Mr. Skin. Type it in.

Do you remember the Poison Ivy? Well, wait a minute. I'm giving away my... Vote now for the best celeb, but Mr. Skin is still going? Yeah. This looks like it's gotten to be more like porn, right? Because you know what? This probably can still exist on OnlyFans type shit.

Cameron Diaz Nude Boy this is Perverted Sex tape The counselor Gangs of New York Vanilla Sky Feeling Minnesota

Alright You know shout outs No but that also says Charlie's Angels She didn't get naked In Charlie's Angels No it says sexy Nude is the red

Nudity versus See alright so Is that Mr. Skin or another website? That's Mr. Skin, I think. He's the goat. She only gets two stars out of four and she's dubbed as brief nudity. Meet with medium breasts.

Damn, that is some fucking backhanded shit. First pick, you're going to go a lot of vagina. In the hot tub, she just kind of floated up, right? And you could just see the nipples. You could see a little area. We all paused right there. We all did that.

That was a big one. I remember I was at my aunt's apartment in Philadelphia just awake. Were you watching with her? No. I was awake at night on the couch just like, whoa, what was that? A lot. A lot of fucking. Getting up, crouching in front of the TV and pause, play, pause, play, pause, play.

Yeah, I was just trying to see some fucking. Just a little half mood. I respect that answer. That's a great, like, we all did that, but the goat is wild things. I've never seen the movie. I obviously don't know what scene you're talking about, but I've never seen the movie.

The movie's actually good. Yeah? Yeah. It's like a double and triple cross crime movie. They're all trying to pull off a robbery, and there's some murder, and there's a lot of double crossing. But who cares? The threesome is a seminal moment in my life. One of the first blogs I wrote on For Sure Not was like there's a timeline in a young man's life

and there's before the Wild Things threesome and after. It's like B.C. and A.D. You change. You became a different man. Because you know what it was? It wasn't just a threesome. There was some shit in that. Like they pour the champagne

all over denise richard's tits and matt damon uh matt dylan you're all fucking boned up matt dylan that dylan pulls off uh denise richard's thong and then folds it up and puts it in his pocket some shit that i was like damn bro this is like I'm a young dude. I'm thinking like any sex scene I've ever seen is people under covers humping. And now we're doing like drinking champagne off of tits and putting thongs in pockets. I was like, holy shit. I'm not going to know how to do this ever.

This is wild things. So that's the goat right there. Fucking – what's her name in that movie? Neve Campbell? Denise Richards? Nope. Porn star movie. Porn star movie.

She, the sex tape. Girl Like Store? Girl Like Store. Great one. Great one. That's later in life, though. That's a good movie. I was like.

So wait, what are you talking about? Because like, technically, like Technically Alicia Cuthbert Doesn't get naked in that No but I mean But like there's a lot Of other tits in it She's better than naked She's so hot in that

2004 When she Who's that fucking chick What is that Is that just a girl Next door Yeah Bro that's a girl

Next door Who will lay you out In an Oklahoma dress Holy shit That's a girl Next door Who will help you Fucking wrestle When When Alicia Cuthbert Is like I'm all wet Can I come in you out in an Oklahoma Holy shit. That's a girl next door who will help you fucking wrestle.

When when Alicia Cuthbert's like I'm all wet. Can I come in. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's good shit. Take it off Johnny.

Damn. I'm going to keep with Denise Richards for the moment. Starship Troopers was a big one that had some tits. There was a shower scene

scene. I remember being a can you get a year on that for me. Perhaps the original Starship Troopers was a big one that had some tits. There was a shower scene. I remember being a... Can you get a year on that for me, Pabst? The original Starship Troopers. I feel like that was a big one that was like we... You know what it was? 97. So I'm 12.

Yeah, that's perfect. That is perfect. I'm 12 years old and that's a movie that's like... I think it was rated R, so it was tough but I could get away with like hey mom I'm gonna go see Starship Troopers it's a fucking alien movie you know what I mean

she's not gonna let me go watch wild things when like the fucking commercial's all about a threesome but you know I wanna watch that new alien movie where you know they're fighting against

human extinction and then all of a sudden there's just titties galore oh Friday Night Lights not Friday Night Lights fucking extinction and then all of a sudden there's just titties galore oh right now lights not right now let's fucking varsity blues whipped cream bikini yeah whipped cream bikini yep that is a that's another seminal moment oh i'm taking my fourth through american pie

but she's in the whole movie or when she takes her fucking titties out in American Pie when who takes her titties out fucking oh Shannon Elizabeth Shannon Elizabeth I shouldn't have allowed that I would have stumbled upon

Shannon Elizabeth fuck you Shannon Elizabeth Shannon Elizabeth masturbating with her tits out while the whole high school watched that was a Shannon Elizabeth

had a Shannon Elizabeth is Brady Anderson she was always hot she was like she was Shannon Elizabeth had a – Shannon Elizabeth is Brady Anderson. She was always hot. She was fine. She had a career. But she had one year where all of a sudden she was just like the hottest person ever and then kind of disappeared and never did anything after that. But when she was in American Pie as whatever her name was, that foreign exchange student, that was one of the hottest scenes ever. Bro, it was – I, it was truly revolutionary.

When I saw her breasts... Don't say breasts. Don't say breasts. That really creeps me out. When I saw her memory glands, it was... It's a religious experience. Kevin,

I can't even tell you how fucking hard I was. You fucking creep, dude. You fucking creep. Okay, I am going to go. This is a movie. I don't know if I ever actually even saw it but shout out to

blockbusters and Hollywood videos and shit because they used to have these like you know on the little box the Poison Ivy series did you ever see that you ever seen Poison Ivy it had like it had some big names that I think,

basically all these chicks who like wanted to be actresses probably had to do these movies like when they were on the come up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But like, so Poison Ivy 2, I vividly remember this fucking, that cover. It had Alyssa Milano. Look, Alyssa Milano,

like that. And they were like, they were Look. Alyssa Milano. Like that. And they were like. They were like. Probably like NC-17 type movies. What? I'm going to double my snake draft right here. As I say NC-17. I'll go with Showgirls first.

That's my third pick. Showgirls was a. That was a moment. I don't know that one either. You don't know. Elizabeth Berkley. Jesse Spano from Saved by the Bell. I don't know elizabeth berkeley jesse spano from say by the bell it was it was a full ass hollywood movie that got an nc-17 rating like commercials on tv in theaters like

march 25th nc-17 and i was like what what and then i got to finally see it on my grandma's illegal box and there was a scene where um before these showgirls go out on stage the they rub ice all over their nipples to make them hard and i was like this is awesome but it was jesse spano from killing nips out nips out bro and it was like obviously like you know sex like she you know it's more than just nips like it's the life of like a burlesque dancer in vegas or some shit so there's back blowjobs and all sorts of shit going on. And I was like, and, you know, of course, you'd prefer to be Kelly Kapowski. Probably even to be honest, I would prefer to be Lisa Turtle.

But you're getting to see Jesse Spano tits out. Big deal. My fourth pick will be the Poison Ivy series. I want to say it had Alyssa Milano. I think it also had Jamie Priestley in it. Remember her? No. Yeah, you do. I definitely recognize the name. I can't put aley in it. Remember her? No. Yeah, you do. I definitely

recognize the name. I can't put a face to it. She's the hot blonde from, I think, Joe Dirt, I want to say. Oh! I know who you're talking about. You should. She's in I Love You. Poison Ivy. Yup. The new seduction. I'm telling you, all of the hot bad bitches went through

this Poison Ivy punishment, but they had to do it poison ivy i never i don't think i ever saw one of the movies but i always saw them at the movie like rental spot and i was always like how can i get this like can i fucking somehow rent this shit here uh but yeah my i'm not talking you know know, I'm not talking Batman bad guys. I'm talking sex movies, dude. Probably rated X. Can we watch these now?

Yeah, I'm sure you can. This is the first one with this chick who I feel like I kind of, like, recognize but, like, don't know the name of. But, like, in the 90s was, like. I kind of see that, too. But then it was, like, Poison. like don't know the name of but like in the 90s was like i i kind of see that too but then so then it was like poison you know there's like five of them so you know it's like a fake fucking movie series where they're just like we're making like nude scenes here yeah we're just doing sex scenes so um there was like poison ivy one two three and then there was you know the the new seduction

i want to say is that drew barrymore that's true Barrymore. What? Isn't that Drew Barrymore in that clip right there? That's what it looks like. Yeah, I'm telling you, man. Poison Ivy. They got all the bad bitches. There was unrated versions and R-rated. We're going to watch these tonight, Johnny. Last pick for you.

Gotta go with Titanic. Four fucking hours Just to see Kate Winslet's tits No thank you Dude that's a great movie What are you talking about It is a great movie But as far as like

Sex go You know like It's not You know I guess you guys That was probably The first time you saw tits That was in the theater

For sure Yeah Big screen I saw it three days in a row Tickle bitties Three days in a row. Take all biddies. Three days in a row, you're such a chick. Your dad must have been like, well, can't win them all. I am going to go with my final pick.

Got to be Cruel Intentions. We just talked about it before it started. Cruel Intentions was girl on girl kissing. What do you... You look a little... I'm just trying to remember the scene. Oh, where they teach each other to kiss. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, you know the problem with those movies? Samuel Blair and Sarah Michelle Gellar and Ryan Felipe banging his sister and shit. I was like, this is wild! Those movies, unfortunately, they get convoluted with the non-Latine movies of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember – The spoofs.

I lose the sexiness of it. It becomes goofy. Yeah, which shits on them, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The original one, when Sarah Michelle Gellar is teaching Selma Blair how to make out, and there's literally spit dripping between the two, and then Ryan Felipe comes in and bangs his sister and shit, I was like, this is nuts.

This is fucking nuts, man. I also got to give a shout out. I don't think I ever actually saw the movie, but Basic Instinct when Sharon Stone shows her pussy. I don't think I've ever seen that. I know the scene. I've seen the scene. There's another Sharon Stone. I've seen her fucking twice.

There's another one called Sliver. I think Sharon Stone's Sliver. And I'm gonna give my... What was the first movie you ever saw boobs in? Can you pinpoint it? Was it Titanic? I will guess it's Titanic, yeah. I saw... I don't know when I saw this. This movie came out in

1991 when I was six. So there's no way that I was six. I hope not in watching this. I hope I was a few years older. Michael J. Fox is in a movie called Doc Hollywood, where he's like a Hollywood doctor who has to go to the country to be

a doctor for some reason, whatever, and he has to adjust to that way of life. And there's a scene where the girl in the movie comes out of the lake, and it just tits out, and I was like... It's like a goofy Marty McFly Michael J yeah there is yep like I was not expecting tits to be in it you know that girl I feel like I feel like I know her, too. She's got some Lana Rhodes to her. Yeah, she does.

She does. So that was the first time I ever saw a pair of boobs. Doc Hollywood. And I had it on VHS, and I ran that shit out. I ran it back to back to back to back to back. Rewind, rewind, rewind. That shit was worn out by the time I was done with it. Like my dick.

So let us know your top nudity movies, sex scene movies, NC 17 movies, or as some say, you're a jerk off mainstream film. Hashtag J O M F S. Let's get into, uh,

voicemails today. They're brought to you by, Oh shit. What did you think you were gonna get away with that? I forgot. She winced. Like she was like, Oh, maybe I was, did you think you were going to get away with that? I forgot. She winced like she was like, oh, maybe I was going to do it. It's the most important jacked up in the history of the series, arguably the best weekend in NFL playoff history

with what has to be considered one of the best games of all time, even if you are a prisoner of the moment. That game is just so fucking unbelievable. The Bills and Chiefs, Mahomes versus Allen. So jacked up, you got the divisional round brought to you by Jackie, the number one female

football analyst in the country, leading the feminist charge. It's brought to you by HelloFresh. Now something, women are in the kitchen, John! Cooking their HelloFresh! Jackie's out here analyzing football games. Now, get your HelloFresh right now. Everybody can cook with HelloFresh because they make it as simple as possible to cook your favorite meals. We're not just talking, like, some grilled chicken and some fucking rice.

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that's my promise to you hello fresh go to hellofresh.com slash kfc16 it's kfc16 and then use kfc16 as a code when you check out for 16 free meals and three gifts. Why not? We're just also throwing gifts in there, Tim. It's already 70% cheaper than your restaurant meal, and now you also get 16 free meals when you go to HelloFresh.com slash KFC16 and use code KFC16. It is jacked up. Playoffs.

Divisional round. Three minutes on the clock. Jacked up! Okay. Wild, wild, obviously. Week, weekend, week of games, especially yesterday. Very fun to watch. You watched and tweeted and everything.

You were on your grind this weekend. I realized when you tweet during the games, it does better. It's fun. Yeah. It does a little bit better. And it was just like Twitter is such a – this is the reason why I want football is because I have such FOMO going on Twitter when everybody who I follow is Barstool.

And so anyways, I felt less. You were in the mix. In the mix. Anyways, okay, I'll start with the Chiefs. I'm trying to – I also – I do have a bone to pick. I don't understand, like, how to watch these games. Like, Josh had to tell me about, like, some random site. But, like, I don't understand, like, where to find it.

Well, yeah, I guess if you don't have cable, right? I had an issue yesterday as well. The game was blacked out I couldn't figure out There was a time Kids, I'm not even going to believe this There was a time When you could just turn on the TV

And you watched TV Channel 5, Channel 2 It was fucking crazy Now you gotta download apps You gotta put in codes You gotta fucking log into shit My parents rented a house in Vermont And I was at their house You gotta download apps You gotta put in codes You gotta fucking Wi-Fi Log in to shit Dude I And so like

I was at my parents My parents rented a house in Vermont And I was at their house So I Downloaded the Spectrum app Go to the game Blacked out Download NBC

Go to NBC Blacked out Blacked out instead So I ended up going to a bar To watch the game Luckily I was watching this Because you were like

Because it was Buffalo And you're And you're like You were near I don't I don't know why I have no I'm sure But – I don't know why you would do that. I have no – I'm sure – but, like, I wasn't doing anything wrong.

I was just on NBC. It was just like, why can't this game go on? The games were on NBC and Fox. But if you don't have cable and you're not watching – I guess, do they do red zone for the playoffs? No. No. Yeah.

So, yeah, it's not easy for a young'un like you. Okay. So, Josh Allen, great game. Patrick Mahomes, great game, both of them. Everybody played well. Hats off to all the players. That was a big-time game of time on the clock. Yeah. I mean, again, this is kind of like what i was

tweeting about is everybody like every single game's like you just can't give them time on the clock well yeah i mean when you're talking about those quality quarterbacks i i said that yesterday and people were like this sounds dumb but it's not dumb. Like, oh, yeah. People were like, this is a Jackie take. I said, when teams score, teams always score fast when they need to. Yes. Why don't they just do that the whole time? I was just about to say that and preface it with, like, I know this is going to sound silly. Just do it.

When you play with, like, reckless abandon, not reckless abandon, but when you just play, like, let your adrenaline flow, you do no huddle, and you just go, you score. That was. And the defense can't keep up, and you don't let, you know, you don't think about this and that,

you're not listening to anyone, you're just like, I go. Yeah. You know, and you hit these bomb passes all the time, everybody scores, you always get into field goal position,

it's like, why not just do that? Just score fast every time. Yes, it does, it's stupid, and I know that you? Just score fast every time. Yes, it does. It's stupid, and I know that you can't probably because of, I don't know why. I don't know why you can't. I don't know why. Dude, with Brady, like prime Brady.

Always play two-minute drill. They just spread wide. And just go. Yeah, yeah. Like, I want somebody. Do it every time. I want somebody. If you are the fucking Lions, if you're the Jags, if you're the Jets, whatever, like,

when you have a truly down year where you're like, we don't have our quarterback, we don't have our future, just play like that. Who fucking knows? What if you play 17 games of just five wide, let it rip. It's more like if I was those teams, I would onside kick like four or five times a game. I would fake punt all the time. Go for two.

Go on fourth down. Just go because when you let the best athletes in the world just play football, usually it turns out pretty fucking good. That's how I feel about

like unrelated but like airplanes when they're like making up for time and like when they're running late, like just fly that fast all the time.

It's so crazy. I don't understand like why they have to wait until a person has that. I totally agree with that. But all that being said, Patrick Mahomes with fucking 13 seconds left. It's so crazy I don't understand Like why they have to wait Until I totally agree with that But all that being said Patrick Mahomes With fucking 13 seconds

It's like a joke Yeah It's like They didn't leave time On the clock You know I mean Guys like Patrick Mahomes

And Brady in his prime You truly have to leave Double zeros on the clock Well not Brady in his prime Brady right now Well we'll let Jack Get to it But any other thoughts On Chiefs Bills So basically Basically Yeah Well, not Brady this time. Brady right now. Well, we'll let Jack get to it.

But any other thoughts on Chiefs' Bills? So basically, yeah. I also thought that – because my thing went out or the browser shut down right after the Bills scored. Okay. And then I was like, okay, they won. And then I tweeted Josh Allen okay, they won. And then I tweeted, like, Josh Allen, great. And then I thought it was – and then people were like, oh, Patrick Mahomes, like, don't leave him time on the clock. And I thought they were talking about, like, the score before,

and I was like, they're late to the game. Like, these idiots. But then he had, like, just whatever. Anyway, so then 13 seconds on the clock, and he – and what was it? He just threw it, and then they got the field goal, whatever. And you know what? We did talk about this on the rundown. Dave was saying people were tweeting him, and it really is the right play.

Just tackle Kelsey and just tackle Tyreek Hill and take the penalty. Yeah. Give him like a 5-10 yard or a spot on the foul, whatever. But the clock runs, all that shit happens, and these guys don't run fucking down your throats, you know what I mean? That's true. Which is true, but what do you think about overtime, Jackie? Oh, this is interesting.

Does Jackie have any ideas on how overtime should work? Jackie one time lost a soccer game because of overtime, similar scenario, and I thought this is stupid at the time and they should change this. How did Jackie lose? Like soccer is a little bit different because like did they just take well so so there's like both they do they do like first there's overtime and it's just like more game and then like if you get that overtime then it's first to score but then but then it was like if we're already like both that good and it's talking in the third person. I like that. Or first person. I like that better.

Okay. So, Jackie. So, Jackie played her heart out this game. And Jackie really obviously wanted to win. And then Jackie's opponent just went and scored first after Jackie was pouring. Whatever. Jackie doesn't care anymore. But Jackie. Jackie clearly unaffected by this but this

jackie had some flashbacks since jackie was watching this and so like they like it's soccer they just like took like off the like the face off or whatever you call it and they scored right away and it was like you guys didn't even have it yeah but but but it's even more even then because like with soccer it's more even like if if it's football and if like you have the ball you're on offense and like you should score or not you have the ball, you're on offense, and, like, you should score. Or, no, you shouldn't. You should score.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so that's, like, more uneven, which is crazy. So then I was like, wait, this is stupid. Like, that they even – I didn't even think that they did that. I thought they had some – whatever. I also think that it would be fun if they did, like, field goals off. Like, how they go into PKs. Yeah.

They should do field goal off. Oh, I like that. So just, like, you know, bombing, like, 70-yard field goals. Because it's more fun. There's more adrenaline and yeah. I like – I said I think you score a touchdown. If you go for two and get it, it's over. If you kick the extra point or you don't convert the two points,

the other team gets the rebuttal. I think that's pretty good. And then that way, if you go for two, you have the balls to do it. You might win automatically. But now if you miss, they get a rebuttal, and all they have to do is kick the extra point. And it's like – That's not so bad.

Because if you let this team score twice on you, like two times crossing the end zone with a touchdown and then a two-point conversion, you don't deserve the ball. You know what I mean? But just something to change it up a little bit. I do think they – This is enough of a premier matchup that I wonder if they changed the rules. But it should really.

But it just happened with Brady. Yeah, I know. I mean, and that's – but it happens every time a premier – But Brady-Balmes is a premier matchup. And that's why – People started yelling about it then. But I think – and now it's funny because the Chiefs are on the other end of it. That's why I tweeted that last night.

And people didn't pick up on it. I saw. Idiots. People are so dumb. It's very disappointing. But, you know, we put so much stock in offense and quarterbacks are the stars. But, you know, on the rundown again, we were saying, like, defense is half of the game. So if you – if your defense gets a stop, now all you've got to do is kick a field goal.

And you know what I mean? So it shouldn't even necessarily be that much of a disadvantage if your defense is good. It's like you shouldn't really be like, oh, if we flip a coin, that means this team's automatically going to score. It really shouldn't be that way. And I bet you the numbers play out that it doesn't really do that. No, it's actually pretty correct. Is it? The team that won the toss has won 11 in the last 12 overtime.

Wow. Does it, if you, like, do it all the time? I don't know if that was playoff overtimes. It was a tweet. Because, like we said, people just fucking, like, play ball. Yeah. They just score. So I like, all right, but just, like, penalty kicks with field goal kickers.

Here's another thing that I do when I watch football, because I don't have many teams. And so I watch for the first quarter, and I feel out the vibes of each team and who to root for. And then by the second half, by the halftime, I picked a team who has better vibes. And this time, I couldn't figure it out. They both had good vibes.

A lot of great vibes. It was an awesome game. It was an awesome game. I mean, I think that people were up in arms because they don't like Mahomes and they don't like Jackson Mahomes and they don't like his girlfriend, his wife. Because I think if the Bills won, people wouldn't be as up in arms about it. I think it would have been like Josh Allen responded. I think it's because the Chiefs tied and then got the ball right back.

If the Bills got it, they would have been like, he just answered. And Josh Allen did it, and the Bills win, and they knocked off the, you know, they were the underdog, they won, and there's not like rule change, rule change. People will still be like, oh, it sucks that Mahomes didn't touch the ball, but I don't think they'd be as mad as if Josh Allen, you know, if the Bills mafia wins, they just are happy. Yeah, you're probably right.

They just had a roll. But, yeah, that was like, you know, you can root for, I was pulling hard for Josh Allen and the Bills, but if you watch, when you watch those guys, the Chiefs ball out. You're not like a loser for rooting for the Chiefs. They're a problem. That was a big-time reminder. I'm still Patrick Mullins.

I'm still the fucking one. What else you got? Okay, and then right before then was Bucs and the Rams. Yep. Yep, Bucs and the Rams. And that one, Brady didn't play well. Or he did play well. He didn't play well.

Yeah, in the beginning. The first half, he was terrible. And then he ended up playing well. It was 27-3. And then. Okay. Yes, I do forget a little bit about this one. But I know that then the Bucks ended up losing. No, winning. No, I do forget a little bit about this one, but I know that then the Bucs ended up losing.

No, winning. No, losing. Which sucks because last week I said that I thought that they were going to. Yeah, I thought they were too, and then they're so injured. If I were to make a prediction, I would have said the Bucs and the Patriots. Or not the Patriots. The Packers. And they both got out this round.

And were they both favorited to win? Yeah. Yeah. That game was, though, that was Brady. That was Tom Brady on the other side. We didn't know what to do. We are panicking and we are playing out of our – I'd never see – you could just see on the sideline.

When they show sideline shots, you'd be like – Everyone's antsy. Everyone's like, what the fuck do'd be like. Everyone's antsy. Yeah. A little arguing. Tom Brady's over there. And the shadow he casts is so fucking big that it just made 50 adults professionals panic. I mean, dude, the kicker. All pro fucking kicker kicked a 47-yarder short.

What the fuck does that even mean yeah that's crazy dude you kicked a 47 yarder short yeah that's not they needed a fucking miracle to stop it i got a real ass text from my mom saying if brady wins this game i'm gonna kill myself 65 year old woman watching the bucks didn't even care about football And she was just like I just can't do this anymore If Brady does this I'm gonna kill myself But she was behind

She was like on I don't know She must have rewound something And not realized it So I was like All of a sudden like You know I was like We need this field goal

And da da da da But she They had just tied it Wherever she was watching So she was like I don't know what you're talking about Dude you know what Speaking of being behind

This is crazy I went to a bar to watch was like, I don't know what you're talking about. Dude, you know what? Speaking of being behind, this is crazy. I went to a bar to watch it. And I couldn't get on the fucking TV. So me and my dad are at the bar. And the TV we're watching is like a play ahead. So we keep celebrating or like recognizing the plays. And then no one turned around to watch that TV. Everybody just kept watching that.

Everyone just kept watching it there. Was it like a small TV or something? No, it was the biggest TV in the building. That's crazy. It was a projection screen. I cannot stand the reason why I will still pay for cable until the end of time or until they finally figured it out. I don't want to be a half second behind.

I don't want to be any behind when there's a big game going on because I feel so superior to you when I know what's going on and you don't. I'll pay the full fucking bill just to watch one game where I am a pitch ahead or a play ahead or a second ahead. Really? I hate the fucking delay. I basically just go to Twitter

with... I hate it. I hate it. I will always want to be on. I'll pay $200 a month for that. What about the Packers, Jackie? Packers, 49ers. This is your squad. Yes. Jimmy G.

Best looking quarterback in the game? Actually, Joe, I mean he is, but Joe Burrow. I saw the video of him when he was at LSU with the cigar. Yeah, buddy. I didn't realize how hot he was. He's so hot. He is so cool. He is just the coolest dude. I's so hot. He is so cool. He is just like

the coolest dude. I don't think that... I feel like Jimmy G is not that cool. I don't like Jimmy G. He's too much of a pretty boy. I don't know if it's because of the Patriots

or... I really didn't like when he went out with that porn star that was washed up. I was like, that was a weird move. Oh, yeah.

I forgot about that. And the Patriots stank a little bit and he is a little bit of a pretty boy. I feel like you of all people would not judge.

Not judge. You know, if you if you're going out with a porn star you're Jimmy G you're the best looking guy in sports you gotta go out with someone who's not like she was like 45 yeah that was weird

big tits and like I completely forgot about that I'm not like judging but I'm kind of judging it's not going out with a porn star it's just like

go out with hotter porn stars but that was a cool that was a big game for him I thought like afterwards when he was like fuck the Packers

like he had some swagger to him and Aaron Rodgers man I mean we've been But that was a cool – that was a big game for him, I thought, like afterwards when he was like, fuck the Packers. Like he had some swagger to him. And Aaron Rodgers, man, we've been beating this drum forever. He's the most overrated guy in the world. But what a – Yeah, we beat Mike McCarthy. We lost this game for him too. Right.

Well, no, it was the special teams this time. It was the special teams' fault, which it was, but like – I actually didn't watch that game. I mean, special teams, they blocked kicks. They had their punt blocked in return for a touchdown. That's the only reason why the Niners tied it in the first place. They had their own kick blocked, I think, or punt blocked. So it was like special teams was a nightmare.

But you're Aaron Rodgers at home in the playoffs. You only put up 10 points or 13 points, whatever it was. No, that's your fucking fault, dude. Punts don't get blocked? Don't punt. Yeah, don't be in that fucking position. Don't only have 10 points up in the fourth quarter. He had the ball four minutes and couldn't do shit with it, you know? These guys are out here making plays 13 seconds

now. But, what a bad run for him, huh? I guess on the other side of things, you could call it a good run, because he's, you know, the right loves him. But it's like you put this bullseye on your back for really no reason. You just didn't need to do it. I guess he wants to.

He wants to speak his mind. But just became this, like, political figure and then shits the bed. And now you have all these fucking, you know, political dorks, like, running up the score. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, that's a tough one. That blows. Tough day when Rachel Maddow's talking shit to you.

Exactly. God fucking. Like, not like you really care about that. Losing this game already sucked. I got Rachel Maddow on my Twitter mention. And that's, like, got to be probably it for him with the Packers, right? Like, it was supposed to be, like, one last ride, and they were the favorites, and I thought they were in a good spot.

Shout out to that guy who had that championship parlay. See that? No. He had like the Bucs winning the NBA title, Kyle Harvick winning the NASCAR, who won the World Series? Braves. Braves winning the World Series, the Lightning winning the Cup, and then he needed the Packers to win the Super Bowl,

and it was to win $65,000 on a $50 bet or whatever the fuck it was. And coming into the postseason, it looks pretty good. I don't think he had to pay it out. To get all those, including NASCAR. Even a $50 bet, that sounds like it would

be something that turned into a billion dollars. Yeah, I know. It was a wild one. All right. So anything else on Jacked Up? We have Bengals. Yeah, Bengals. It was just 1916. Fights was – he was tightened up.

He was bucked up. I was passed up. Then I tightened the fuck up Then I bucked the fuck up Then I built mafia the fuck up Right now we are bangles up We're bangles up Yeah

It's bangles Chiefs And Rams Oh wait I kind of forgot Oh The Bucks game was insane I know that that's That was

I don't think I like That was crazy Yeah At the end Yeah That was Is there a term for like Buzzer beater but

Um Walk off You don't really Yeah. At the end. Yeah. Is there a term for, like, buzzer beater? Walk-off? You don't really. If it's a game-winning kick, if you score a touchdown, I feel like it's. Yeah, I guess there really isn't. They should have a term for that. I feel like they've called the Tim Tebow touchdown way back in the day a walk-off. I feel like I've heard that before. Yeah, I mean, it's definitely used, but touchdown way back in the day a walk-off. I feel like I've heard that before. Yeah, it's definitely used, but not commonly.

Because people will say a walk-off. What usually happens, too, is they would call it a Hail Mary if it's like a bomb pass. If you just score a two-yard touchdown, I think they'd just call it a game-winning touchdown. All the headlines say walk-off touchdown. Walk-off touchdown. That doesn't feel right to me. That's a baseball term in my mind. Yeah.

Was that last throw in the game considered a Hail Mary that was intercepted? Kind. I mean, in my mind, Hail Mary, a true Hail Mary is like a 50-yard pass that's like. Yeah. But I guess, you know, anytime you're just throwing the ball one last time for a desperate attempt is a Hail Mary. And we said interceptions shouldn't be happening. If they had listened to me. No interceptions, no time on the clock, all these teams would have won.

That's what it comes down to. Follow Coach Jackie. Also get your jacked up merch. We got the crew necks available and the t-shirts available. Support your girl. You can get them in the Barstool Sports Store under the KFC Radio page. So now it is time for voicemails brought to you by the single most important product on the planet Earth right now.

Whistle Pig. Yay. Piggyback. Yay. Yay. I had a couple of these this weekend. The piggyback rye smashes. Piggybacks are going to change the world as you know it.

They already have. You just don't. Unless you're – if you're in one of the states, you might realize it. You don't know that the piggyback wave is coming. And they're going to get legalized in every state. And when they come to your hometown, your life is going to be changed forever. Because all you need is a four pack of these babies. I think it's like 17 bucks.

You get four of these and you're good. Yeah. Which is the perfect amount. Like I'm done. Gone are the days of drinking 30, 20, 15, 10 of anything. I don't want beer, vodka, drink, whatever. I don't want anything. I don't want to drink that much.

I'm bloated. I'm fucking peeing. It's a nightmare. I I don't want to drink that much I'm bloated, I'm fucking peeing, it's a nightmare I also don't want to drink like fucking moonshine Where it's like, you know, all it takes is one And you're good, I don't want to like choke that down Four drinks, four cans of this Is the perfect amount of Social drinking

Where it's like, I'm going to have one I'll have another, let's have a third Let's have a fourth Where you're going to spend some time, you're going to talk, you want to have another one? Yeah, sure. You don't want to be the guy who only has one because it's a fucking martini that puts you on your ass.

Four piggybacks, 17 bucks, you're good. You got the perfect buzz, spending the perfect amount of time with your friends, socializing, drinking, talking. It is going to – we learned it this weekend by talking to like their chemists and their fucking MIT graduates. They have perfected the art of drinking. They have made the perfect whiskey, rye, and these piggybacks to like maximize the perfect amount of time of drinking. It's amazing.

It is. It's legit science. It was surprising when they were like, I think Megan. I'm a chemist. I was like, whoa. I said to her after she gave us the tasting, I said, because I got

the vibe that a lot of people at Whistlepig are whiskey people. So I was like, for their head taster to be this young girl, I was like, oh, that's interesting. I would have pictured an older man or whatever. so i was like and for their head taster to be this young girl i was like oh that's like interesting i would have pictured like an older man or whatever and i was like so what are you just like a whiskey girl and you wanted to make it your career and she was like no no you dumb ignorant motherfucker i am a scientist i am a chemical engineer and i have perfected the art of making this drink. You ignorant asshole. Yeah.

They, they, I mean, it is a, it's something that I'm actually very interested in. Almost anything else. You giving me the background on the science of how it's created. Like you said,

it's always like, I don't, I don't care. I just want to do it, you know, but I like this shit. I don't know why. And I'm not even as huge of a whiskey drinker as you are,

but I, I dabble in it enough that I'm like, it's interesting. I like, this is interesting. I like the oak fucking wood and the barrels and the this and the that and the aging and the – It was unbelievable. It was very, very cool. And then to just know that, like, these are rolling out in every state and KFC Radio – Just out of Rhode Island, we spotted some. Rhode Island's got it?

Yeah. KFC Radio, Bustin' with the Boys, Zero Blog 30, Kraken Aces, four of the franchises here at Barstool that are all doing piggybacks. And I am very, very happy and proud to be a part of it because they are just like a cool-ass brand where it was like, all right, I am down with you guys. And their rye is just like the bottles they have, the 6, 10, 12, 15-aged, 15 years, the 18-year. I mean they've got some very, very cool shit and cool products on the market.

But the best thing that they're going to be putting out this year are the piggybacks. So if they're in your state and you're lucky enough to get them at your store, go get them. If you want them, make sure you tell your local liquor store distributor. Make sure you stock your shelves with the piggybacks. And if you want to order them right now online, you can do so. You go to piggyback rye smash dot com. It's piggyback rye smash dot com. And you

can order either the citrus mint, the green Moscow mule, or the blackberry passion fruit or whatever the fuck the blackberry one is. All very good. And you can get them now at piggyback rye smash dot com. Let's go. Voicemails. Blackberry one is all very good. And you can get them now at piggybackridesmash.com. Let's go. Voicemails.

KFC fights everyone else. Jackie, sup. Every day that I drive, I feel overwhelmed by just the sheer amount of idiots on the road. And then I think we make these people fill out forms for a driver's license but the real root of the problem is that we didn't make their parents fill out forms to have a kid and i think that's fucking crazy although like totally against everyone's human rights and etc it'll never happen but still makes me wonder what do you guys think people should have to fill out a form to do i did this a couple weeks ago on k on kevin clancy show

the like what do you how many give me a percentage of the population you think should actually procreate if if we are talking violating human rights if we are talking about goddamn eugenics like what would be your number because right now 100 is allowed to i'd say probably it's like three i i you're i was gonna say 10 and i was gonna say it's very generous because it really is if you're talking about financially capable and you know uh mentally prepared and emotionally stable and all that shit it's probably three percent yeah it's it's not a lot and i don't know how to how he's right he's violating your biological right to procreate but we we do put restrictions on a lot of things except the most difficult thing of all procreating and then it's like go ahead you can start fucking when you're fucking 14 whatever it is insane how much we let

people procreate yeah that's true there'd be cars i had this moment i mean like just i had this moment like five times a week when i'm driving it is nuts that we let everybody pretty much just operate like a 10 12 000 15 000 pound piece of machinery it drives at very high high speeds yeah like like if you were to if you were to go into like a if you went to like a factory and someone was like drive this forklift around you'd be like i don't really know how to operate this thing you know but they'd be like here's the keys you know figure it out i think i don't what i'm gonna like fuck this up i'm gonna crash or whatever but a car you're just like all right let me figure this thing out and then i'm just i guess i guess it's actually not people

not only do that then people get in the car and they're like i'm not gonna pay attention right yeah i'm gonna text i'm I'm going to fucking, yeah. But what I think is crazy is as much as people die and crash, I actually think it's impressive how many people successfully do it. Yeah. Because, like, I know. I'm sure you're a nightmare driver, right? Yeah.

Terrible? Yeah. Jackie's got to be a disaster. I'm really bad. I just could, you know, my sister is admittedly like, she's like, I get nervous. I don't like it. You think about like there are trucks that like whiz past you.

And for the most part, when we were driving back from Vermont, it was like a two-lane road with opposite oncoming traffic where it was like these guys are coming at me like 85 miles an hour. And we're going to pass with like maybe 10 feet. Yeah. And we're just like, fine. Just drive in. It's crazy that there's not more rampant death. I actually had a moment this week. This woman was stopped at a red light.

It turned green, but she wouldn't move up enough to make the left turn. And then was like sitting through the light or whatever. And I was like, this is driving me crazy. And Shay was like sitting through the light or whatever and i was like she's driving me crazy and shea was like what is and i was like this this woman is like she doesn't want to drive and she goes to me how do you know it was a girl and i was like i was like point taken you're right yeah it might be a guy but it's probably not but you're right but it was a girl But it was a girl. But it was a girl.

So I was right. But, yeah, I think at the end of the day, like, very, very few of us should actually be like, my genes are worthy of passing to another kid. You have to be so narcissistic to have a kid. We're such assholes. We're so selfish. So selfish. Having a kid is the most selfish thing you can do. Ruins everything.

That's why I don't recycle. I'm not having a kid until I get the fuck up whatever I want. My carbon footprint is still way less than yours, motherfuckers. Next up. All right. What's up, guys? I had to come to Chelsea to do a little bit of last minute work at the office which kind of sucks but uh i noticed something across the street that i'd never noticed before

we got a chakra healer and psychic now i checked john's blog i think it's the same one which is crazy uh it makes sense though i ran into couple of weeks ago, fumbled the handshake probably because my chakras were out of line. Um, but I guess what my question is, is I just moved here and it's stuff like this just everywhere. Like, I think this is like a nice enough area. Like, I don't know, are they making money? Like if, if they can't get John through the door, how do they run a business? And second question, since I just moved here, what are the other weird spots in New York City that, you know, the newbies have to come visit? Oh, I thought he was going to say like there are so many, so many storefronts I look at in New York City that I'm like, how the fuck do you afford rent and stay in business?

It doesn't make sense. They all have to be drug fronts yeah they all have to be illegal activity because there's just wholesaler after wholesaler after wholesaler and like on my work on my walk from the the garage there's a drums store strictly drums and a fur jackets store Yeah yeah yeah Just fur Real fur And things that I'm just like Nobody is ever in there Yeah

And you're paying You know it's still New York City rent It's not like they have this Glorious showroom or something But you're still paying Manhattan rent And you must just be filtering that That money in there That's just some Ozark shit

Dude that Chakra place man Dude it was like fucking It's a It's a legit store. That's why I said she has to live there too, I think. But they do everything. I think that's how they make their money. They do fucking...

The line was... It was insane how much stuff... Anything not quantifiable. Anything you can't catch me on. Of course. It was like, I'll fucking do it. I wonder too, a lot of those things are probably certain ones at least are probably like you know my sugar daddy like bought me a fucking yoga studio yeah and now i work it's like no i don't but something like that is like yeah we'll

we'll do a massage we'll do your chakras we'll do your yoga we'll do your chi we'll do your acupuncture life coaching or healing right like As long as you come in here and give me $200 cash right now. Okay, sounds good. Just jerk me off. We all know this ends with you jerking me off, so let's just cut to the fucking chase. But as far as the thing that newbies in New York

have to do, I don't think any of these things are. No. You shouldn't do anything. These are all scams, dude. All things that you should totally avoid because they are just stealing your fucking money. Last one. What do we got? What's up, KFC, Bites, Nick, Mean Girl? So, I got a question for you guys.

I work as a waiter part-time. Yeah, wait a minute. Pause. Where are your beans? You respect us so little. So little. You know what it is? You know what it is?

She fears us so little. This is what I'm talking about. No! We don't have these motherfuckers. They don't fear us! They don't fear us! It was supposed to be a month! You did it once! We've been sitting in the

room, but you didn't even think like... I forget about them. Clearly. It's like not... yeah. That's the problem. Oh, do you want me to put the minnow down? You forget about things. Yeah, put the minnow down. I actually thought, I was like, oh, she's wearing like a skirt today. It's like, yeah, but she can't

even be fucking wearing the bean. She doesn't even have pants on. This is why you forget to press record. wearing like a skirt today. It's like, yeah, but you can't even be fucking wearing the beans. You don't even have pants on. I don't know. This is why you forget to press record. And forget to edit the... Because you also forget to wear your beans.

Because you don't fear us or respect us. Like, at all. I feel like... You're so little. You guys, 24 hours, 24... Yeah, 24-7.

24-7 is ridiculous. Also, you don't need to do it 24 7. You just need to do it here, then you go home, and you don't need to do it because we don't ever bother you. I know, but even here, even here, it's like, it's, dude, these Bean Sprouts socks are like so, it's so unnatural. But you remember that, like, technically, the

alternative was fired. That was supposed to be the thing. We won't fire you if you wear the beans. Can we do something else? Just shut up and play the voicemail. What's up? KFC, Fights, Nick, Mean Girl.

So I got a question for you guys. I work as a waiter part-time. And last night there was a guy there and he looked like an actor, but I couldn't figure out who he was. Like I knew who it looked like, but I couldn't think of his name. So I was asking people, I was asking other people, nobody could figure out who I was talking about. And so I googled, like, because I knew who he was, I just couldn't think of his name. So I googled fake gay actor who also raped somebody. Came up as Kevin Spacey, that is who I was talking about. But is that the worst way for somebody to think of, like, words to describe somebody?

That might be. Fake gay actor who's also a rapist. I can't think of anything worse. Let me know what you're thinking. Fake gay actor who raped people is Kevin Spacey. Yeah. In a nutshell. I would say, um... Wait, why is he fake gay?

He's gay. Because he's, but he's, like, I don't think he was. He came out once he got in trouble. Yeah, but I thought, like, his sexuality was... That was just, like, I don't think he was gay until he was in trouble. No, I think he was... I mean, he was fucking dudes. Well, I I thought like his sexuality was like... That was just like, I don't think he was gay until he was in trouble. No, I think he was... I mean, he was fucking dudes.

Well, I think he was much more fluid or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, when you're not out until you're in trouble, it seems a little suspect, you know? Yeah. So it's not like fake gay, but he's like... But he was like...

He's like suspect gay. It was like... It was like, yeah, we know you're fucking dudes, but like, you know, if you use it only to your advantage in that thing, you know, you're... It's like you know if you use it only to your advantage and that in that thing you know you're you're it's like disrespectful gay is what it is it's like if you're not gay at our best you don't at our worst sort of thing um fake gay actor who raped kids is really tough um i would also say like like lovable tv dad who raped 65 women is pretty tough. Pretty up there.

Like, a war criminal who murdered millions of Jews is up there. Genocidal, like, pure nation eugenics maniac is up there. Dude who lost weight eating bad sandwiches and likes naked children. Hundreds of thousands of pictures of little kids. He had, like, so many pictures of the kids. Yeah, but it was like gigabytes, right?

It was like terabytes. It was nuts. Oh, yeah. It was like entire, like, mainframes. Also, it's always pictures.

Or it's just like, you just look at still photos, you fucking loser. That's his issue. I think... You get off the photos, you're a pervert. Any others out Any other

Any other really Just Just Just bad people Like Like Michael Jackson Might be a tough one too Like

Black guy Who turned white Who Who like Lures children to his house With With like Roller coasters

Yeah Also Like an R&B singer Who Pees on young girls lures children to his house with roller coasters. Also an R&B singer who pees on young girls. Tough one. Up there. There's some bad people up there. But fake gay who rakes kids. Certainly on the top of the list. Interview time is brought to you by

1-800-Flowers with our girl Kim Congdon. It's coming. You know Kim Congdon. It's coming. You know what it is. It's almost Valentine's Day. Late January. It's time to start thinking about Valentine's Day. And I say this every year.

I've been doing this for fucking 12 years now. I say it every time. If you have a girlfriend or a wife, because let's be honest, this is a one-way street on Valentine's Day, especially when it comes to flowers, you have to get the flowers. Maybe it's in addition to.

Maybe you also get jewelry. Maybe you also do a trip or a bed and breakfast or an experience or a shopping spree or whatever. But you have to get the flowers. And you know you're going to have to do it. And you know the date on which you have to do it. So just take care of it right now. It is January 25th as you listen to this, just go order right now and set the schedule delivery for January or for February 14th. And that means you'll get top priority. You won't get bumped by someone else. They won't, they'll be able to guarantee delivery on time,

on the date and hour you want it because you were so early to it. Most of us wait until February 13th. And then guess what? They're like, you can't guarantee delivery because there's 5 billion people ordering flowers right now. So just press pause, do it now, and then come back and listen to the interview. Go to 1-800-Flowers.com Click the radio icon at the top,

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Click on the radio icon, code KFC. You get red roses, 24 of them, for just 50 bucks. The offer expires Friday. Make sure you do it. 1-800-Flowers.com Promo code KFC. Kim Cogden on KFC Radio. Let's talk to her. I have a proposal. Hit me. How about instead of the beans, I'll wear a t-shirt for 15 days that says

I couldn't do bean socks and I have fucked with the podcast. So now I'll do this. Let's make a, let's meet her somewhere in the middle of the t-shirt, but something that's much better than that. Something much more embarrassing than that.

T-shirt with the Stephen Hawking picture on it. Yes. With what? Yes. Stephen Hawking picture. No, no. Those are the terms.

Would you rather wear bean socks or a picture, a t-shirt with a picture of yourself looking like Stephen Hawking? Those are the terms. 10 days with Stephen Hawking. No, 15. 15. 11 days. 15 days. 12 days.

15 days. 13 days. I'll give you 14. Two weeks. Oh, okay. Two weeks. Okay, okay. Okay, I'll do it. 14 days. 15 days. 13 days. I'll give you 14. Two weeks. Oh, okay. Two weeks. Okay, okay. Okay, I'll do it.

14 days, two weeks. You got to make it yourself. Yeah, you got to print the... You got to get this done. You can use Welker or whoever. I will say... Oh, I don't have the picture. I hope I still have the picture.

Otherwise, I'm going to make you take a picture looking like Stephen Hawking. Did I ever text that to any of you guys? Because sometimes I delete a bunch of shit to make you take a picture looking like Stephen Hawking. Did I ever text that to any of you guys? Because sometimes I delete a bunch of shit to make room because I do my fucking one minute man on this fucking phone. Alright. I hope I have this picture.

But we'll figure it out. All we've got to do is wait like two hours. She's going to be... She'll do it again. She'll definitely'll do it again She'll definitely do it again You'll definitely be sitting like Stephen Hawking again So we'll get a picture of you if I deleted it Okay See ya

Good negotiating though Alright let's go, ready? We got Kim Congdon on the show You got it, first try How'd you confuse that? Well it's kind of like a hard, like, everyone's like. Everyone says Condon. I don't know if you hit the NG.

Condon? I was going to say maybe like Condon. I would have maybe said Condon. Like, and not hit the Condon. And that's fine with me. Yeah. No, truly, it shocks me how many times someone goes up to me before I go on stage and they're like, how do you say your last name?

And they're panicked. I go, Condon. And then they just panic. They're like, Kim Condon. I'm like, any other name would have worked. Don't just, don't say that fucking word, Angela. just panic, and they're like, Kim Condom. Any other name would have worked. Don't say that fucking word, Angela. Just say Kim. Alright, Kim Congdon's on the show,

and we were just saying, you're an L.A. girl, but in New York, decent amount, and Florida-born? Whereabouts? I was born in St. Augustine, but I grew up Central Florida. I went to UF. Central Florida's like Florida, Florida, right? I went to Florida State for a little bit of time. Oh, okay, cool.

Not really. You know, it's all alright. The reason I really wanted to do this is I heard you on Ryan Sickler's show. Hell yeah. And, you know, just like the Florida stories that were coming out. You basically come into the conclusion that, you know, you were probably being fed to crocodiles or alligators. It's pretty

fucking wild. Yeah. Like, watching watching in real time she basically realized that her uh what like family friend was like my best swim in shark alligator infested waters yeah i was telling a story on a podcast about like this crazy thing that happened in the middle of the podcast we all came to realize that it seemed like she was purposely trying to kill the kids. And I was like, yeah, it kind of does. But yeah, I almost died. But that's the kind of shit that happens in Florida. How old were you? I was nine. Nah, your responsibility at that point.

Yeah, true. I guess. You're getting fed to wild animals at nine? If you're like the baby at Disney, that's up to you. She played truth or dare and asked us to jump in a swamp at night in Florida. I think a nine-year-old's got to be ready for that. I fully trusted that woman. Wait, she was an adult or this was your friend?

It was my friend's mom. It was your friend's mom? Yes. That's what I was saying. We figured out that that had to be on purpose. It was in the middle of the night. She popped up on the tube and balanced on the tube and scrammed to the fucking shore or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So she was trying to feed you to them in order so she could get away herself? So the first thing that happened... Probably by, like, fuck these kids. They're annoying. During the day, her and her dad, my friend's mom and dad, took us on an eight-mile canoe trip in the swamp,

which was a lot, right? An eight-mile canoe trip? Eight-mile canoe trip. Just sitting there like, what? Just eight miles, and it was, like, spiders and mosquitoes. I don't think I could do, like, eight minutes in a canoe. I'm 33 years old. I have not done eight miles cumulative in my life in a canoe. Yeah, they were trying to take us deep into the water. I don't think I could do like eight minutes in a canoe. I'm 33 years old. I have not done eight miles cumulative in my life in a canoe.

Yeah, they were trying to take us deep into the water. I don't think I've ever been in a canoe, period. A canoe? This is like Huckleberry Finn or some shit? Yeah, it was fucked up. And then we saw an alligator, and then suddenly, five seconds later, it was the only time in the – right after we saw the closest gator was when the canoe tipped.

The dad tipped the canoe by accident. That's where the quotes go. Yeah. And that was the weird. Yeah, the canoe actually tipped. And yeah, that happened and we were fine. And then later that night, she woke us up in the middle of the night and was like, do you want to play truth or dare? And then she dared us to jump into the water at night.

And as we were swimming in the water by ourselves, I was on top of one of those like black donut tubes and i was just on my stomach like watching the reflection of the water and i saw like two pairs of yellow eyes coming towards me and then go under at the same time like they were this bitch yes and somehow i just started swimming i stood up on the tube i don't know i must have done it with just pure will to survive as I balanced on each side of it. And they pulled me out of the water. And probably less than a minute later, some dude comes up in a golf cart. And he's like, you better get those kids out of there. Dude, that's crazy.

Yeah. His exact words were, this place is full of gators at night. More gators than water. Yeah, we know. That's the point, dude. We were walking on them. Like Captain Hook. Fucking bouncing around with his legs open.

Pretty cool. Dude, that's fucking wild. I take back what I was saying earlier. I thought your friend tricked you, in which case you can't trust your dad. The parents should know. The parents should know. The parents should know. But that's Florida. That's why I didn't mean to retell the Sickler story.

No, it's okay. It's just like that's the kind of shit you've got to deal with in Florida. It's not only the existence of gators, but wild-ass parents and people who are fucking reckless as shit. Who knows? Do you think Florida gets a bad rep? First of all, let's get this out of the way. Is it rep or rep? I think

you can say rep and just be like I was saying reputation for short but I think the phrase you're going for is rap I agree with that

I think it's rap but I say rap it's almost like rap sheet I think okay do you think Florida gets a bad rap or do you think Florida is as bad

as they say because I feel like you could find this parent anywhere but it just seems like there are more of them in Florida yeah I think

Florida is kind of like everywhere else where it's like is LA as bad as they say it? I'm like, it's got nice weather, but yeah, the people are annoying as fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then it's like Florida, it's like, it's so fun.

It's so beautiful. You love to visit. And there's kind of something endearing about being around people who don't give a fuck. Yeah, yeah. Like truly don't care. They say whatever words they want. Like I went back home and my mom said, God, she said, Ricky Martin is cute.

What a waste. And I was like, that is a very Florida statement. Wow, you were just comfortable, huh? Just being homophobic. You are now a waste of a human. Because she can't fuck Ricky Martin. Because Ricky was about to blow your mom's back out.

Nope, not anymore. He's gay. Ricky Martin's been married for like 20 years with kids. My mom's on her third divorce, but he's the waste. That's crazy. Yeah, that was,

I was explaining to him also how you said, who is it, your mom and your aunt who are the storm? The storm. So his grandma's the junta. They're all dead now, so we're safe.

But they called my grandmother and her sisters. Actually, one's alive. She has Alzheimer's, though, so I think we're good still. She'll never. They call them the junta, which sounds like Israeli Special Forces, but they're not Jewish. So I don't really know what it means. What is it?

Is that a Spanish word? What is that? She is from New Orleans. That's all I know what it means. What is it? Is that a Spanish word? What is that? She is from New Orleans. That's all I know of her past. Okay. But I was trying to Google it. I don't even know how to spell it. My guess would have been J-U-N-T-A, like Spanish.

Junta. The junta? I don't know. But you are the most crunchy white family. Oh, a military political group that takes power by force. Okay. You were right with the J spelling. I was going with an H beforehand.

Dude, if your people, my people got together, I'd be like, this is Sparta. Crazy. They need to unite, man. Or maybe not. I don't know if the world can take it right now. We just got over all of this. Ricky Martin?

Waste. The whole thing though the whole everything you were saying knocking out Doc Rivers daughter or whatever I mean you you've had I did allegedly and I did not knock her out she hit me yeah but I like the way you said it you're the one telling the story you knocked her out out. But yeah, it was just like, yeah, I was like, you'll fit in. You'll fit in. Great, great. Well, are you, I saw recently that you are. That you are. Thanks, fucking asshole.

Huh? She's like, yeah, great, great. That you're kind of in a torrid love affair with 50? I was reading those tweets last night in fucking tears. Particularly if you're 50 and you know I clap my cheeks. Yeah, no. I am pretty thirsty for 50 Cent on Twitter. I'm ashamed.

Why? You know, I mean it. That's why I'm ashamed because I'm joking, but I'm not joking. Definitely not joking. I feel like me and 50 Cent would be such a good couple. So that's actually a question we have. Whereas if you got in the room with a celebrity, who do you think you have the best chance of like you would actually. Huh?

Pooling. Whoever likes the funny girls. Anybody that likes girls that are funny, I'm pooling. What do you think about that? Game over. You're what? Pooling? Pooling. Pooling.

Yeah, pooling. By the dick. I think you're saying pooling. What is it about 50? He's just funny. He's funny. His Instagram's so funny, he's always roasting people. He started beef with Madonna.

But I do think 50's kind of crossed the line. 50's funny. He's funny. 50's funny. I do like crossing the line, too. But no, I don't think he's funny 50 is funny i do like crossing the line too but no i don't think he's crossed lines i think he's become almost entertainer self-aware where like sometimes it's just like we're only laughing because you're 50 cent yeah he's turning into freddie gibbs instagram you stole all this content yeah yeah yeah exactly like like shack but he also laughed

when you know that when every single time you've roasted someone or clapped at someone everyone's like oh shit you just start throwing them out there because you know you're going to get that reaction

but he is still I mean he's he was bad at a thousand for a long time there are a lot of times I see something of his and people are like he crushed it

I'm like that's just 50 funny there's there have been like the stuff of Floyd Mayweather is still probably my favorite video on the internet. Yeah. If you can read one page of a Harry Potter book, that's probably my favorite book on the internet.

See, I think Snoop's funny, too, but I don't want to date him. I don't know what it is. Well, I also think 50's just more attractive than Snoop. Yeah, Snoop looks like he's a breath away from death. Snoop looks like, I mean, in his old videos where he morphed into the Doberman, it didn't really morph. He just looks like a fucking Doberman picture. Yeah, it's true. He just looks like I mean In his old videos Where he morphed Into the Doberman It just didn't really morph He just looks like A fucking Doberman He just looks like

A fucking dog Dude you know what Happened to me the other day Which was super embarrassing It was during Monday Night Football When Roger Goodell was on And Peyton Manning

And Eli Manning Jokingly were like Commissioner Can you name us One Snoop song And Goodell kind of Skated out of it Being like

Nothing that you can say On these airways Blah blah blah And everyone kind of Laughed and made fun of him I couldn't do it You couldn't name one Snoop song. And Goodell kind of skated out of it, being like, nothing that you can say on these airways, blah, blah, blah. And everyone kind of laughed and made fun of him. I couldn't do it. You couldn't name one Snoop song? I've since Googled it. I can now.

Like, Gin and Juice I knew, but I couldn't think of it. I don't know many more than Gin and Juice. He doesn't make memorable titles for songs. Yeah. He's one of those people that you can sing it, but you're like, I have no, even the one I'm like, Snoop. I'm like, what the fuck is that called? There is, having Googled it not two weeks ago i can't tell you anything more than gin and juice i do know the song i was gonna say he says that's my karaoke

yeah that's my carry yeah like it's hot dropping but i i actually i that is i would have said that's a pharrell song that is a snoop song that's your that's your karaoke go-to yeah that's a Pharrell song. That is a Snoop song. That's your karaoke go-to? Yeah. That's a great song. I'm assuming you put your all into it. I put my all into it except for the N-word. That's a dangerous game, though. I saw some video.

It was a college football tailgate. It was a 10-year-old kid. They had a mic and speakers set up at this tailgate. It was very official. This little kid grabbed the mic and started rapping something and was very good at censoring himself and I don't know man

that's a dangerous game to play you slip up and let it out and you're just the next guy you know the thing that's three words white guy yeah you gotta prepare

three words before and after I'm just stopping for like a solid 10 seconds the fucked up part is a slip up is a confession you know what I mean it's like I say this cause if you bleep it out if I mean? It's like I say this.

Because if you bleep it out I would have. If you bleep it out you don't even know how to say it with the word in it. Yeah. If I'm in the shower I'm in the car. Yeah maybe. Throughout the years you could see me singing that song on karaoke and I say it and then I don't about four years ago.

There was a sudden shift but like growing up like me and all my cousins were all Puerto Rican. We all said it. You're on the verge. But not anymore. They're trying to cancel J-Lo for her song in the 2000s, where she was in the Bronx saying the N-word. Really?

We used to say that in the Bronx. Puerto Rican's from the Bronx. I actually always wondered that as a white kid from Massachusetts, being like, well, why do Mexican people get to say it? That's when people started to make that argument, and now they stopped. But I'm like, I don't know. I think the rule is if people don't want you in their country, you should be allowed to say it. That should be the exception.

I was early. There was one time in college where there was, I was in a car with a bunch of my kids in my frat who there were black kids with us. It wasn't a super racist frat, just regular racist. And there was a 50 song on and the black kid was driving and he turned the music down. They were filming me and he turned the music down.

At the part? No, at the part. And he was trying to catch me. They had a camera on me and i didn't say because i didn't know the words to a song what if that was the only word you knew in the song i just happened to be mumbling i was just mumbling that word to myself over and over again and that but then he was like was like, no, fights. I want to hear you say it. I want to hear you say it.

And I was like, no, dude. No, that's not the setup. No, but the camera's away. I just want to see you say it. I was like, I'm not going to say it, dude. They're like your favorite chips. No, I wasn't the only white guy, but I was the one they chose to pick on that day. I might have been a pledge.

I don't know. I did not say it, though, which is really the point I want this whole podcast to be about. I don't say the N-word They're really trying To bait you into that Good lord Your favorite chips Are salt and Vin

Yeah To me Not like my opinion On this matters at all But I mean Yeah If you were a Puerto Rican Growing up in New York

Yuck That's what you were going to say No I grew up in the Bronx And the Puerto Rican girls up in New York. Yuck. That's what you're going to say. No. I grew up in the Bronx and the Puerto Rican girls were my, they were, they were,

they were not yuck to me. No, they're pretty fun. Yeah. I was like the one white boy who, there was this like little crew of Puerto Rican girls

who would, who loved like, they like liked me but were absolutely mocking me at all times. No, they probably liked you. Growing up,

what I would have given for a white boy to look at me. Yeah? Yeah, I was like, because I grew up in Central Florida, so all, it was like very like, still very racist when I was growing up. Still very racist now.

Yeah, it's very racist now, so it was bad when I was younger. And when I was younger, I think that like, yeah, white boys wanted to be with white girls. And it made me like so pissed off because it was mostly white boys in my school. So in my head, it wasn't white boys wanted to be with white girls. And it made me like so pissed off because it was mostly white boys in my school. So in my head, it wasn't white boys wanting to be with white girls.

It was like all boys want to be with white girls is what it looks like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's most of the boys. Right, right, right. So I would, I mean, I think the first time I ever even on TV saw someone date anyone of color was Boy Meets World when Sean started dating Angela.

Wow. It was the first time I'd ever seen it. Is that like an inspirational moment? He was my crush from that day on. Biggest crush. Ryder Strong, if you're out there, I know you're married. I don't want to fuck you, but hey. If you know 50,

give me his number. Do you know 50 Cent? If Ryder Strong was single? Not now. Now it's too late? Now he lost it after Cabin Fever. I kept up. He shaved his head, right? He just looks not...

I hate to say this. It's like a weird movie. Me and my co-host already went over this on my podcast, but he looks so much better when he was a high schooler in the show. You were how when you were 16? Once you hit puberty, you kind of turned me off. But when I see him that way, I see him that way from my 16-year-old.

He's always so weird. When you're like, I had a crush on Kelly Kapowski, and you're like, she was 15, and we're 45 now. That's my 15-year-old dick at the time. That's weird when you have a memory, and it almost makes you a weirdo, because you still think that girl's hot in your head, even though she's 15, in the vision while you're an adult how about this it's it's actually a really fucked up trick of god we're sprinkling a little pedophile here god to stand up yeah i'm uh you know i have like memories of having sex in high school that's memories of of a fucking underage girl yeah good for you. Look at that.

You're going to get canceled for your memory? That's why I didn't have sex before I turned 18. You don't say the N-word and you have sex before you're 18. Look at this guy. What, do you not touch kids? Weirdo. Appropriate sex habit. Get out of here.

Yeah, I have no naked image of an underage person in my mind. Fuck. I did have sex just to be clear. I am kind of cool. I had sex at 16.

I just was black. But my boyfriend was 19. That's legal. Yeah, that's legal. That's legal. We looked it up.

We looked it up before we hopped in the back of that accord. I mean, I didn't even think of that. She was older than me so it's reversed so it doesn't count. Iped in the back of that accord. I mean, I didn't even think of that. She was older than me, so it's reversed.

It doesn't count. I think in Florida it's four years. There can't be a four-year difference? It has to be less than four years. So you could be 17 and date like a 21-year-old. Which I think is fine. That seems fair. It's not crazy.

And then you're 18, you could date 100-year-olds. It gets weird when you're like 14 and you can date a 19-year-old. It's like a little like... That's too much. you know, 100-year-olds. It gets weird when you're like 14 and you can date a 19-year-old. It's like a little like... It's too much. When I was 12, I was dating... I was turning 13 and he had just turned 15. So I was 12 and he was 15 and my dad was not okay with it.

That's not good. But I was about to turn 13 and he had just turned 15. The difference between 12 and 15, like 12, I feel like you're still like, you know, playing pretend and Barbies and shit. And 15, you're still like You know Playing pretend And Barbies and shit And 15 you're like

Looking to find weed And booze and shit Yeah I guess you're true there Listen at 12 It's the last year You're gonna play Barbies I mean you're getting there But it's like

You can't play Barbies After you have a pube It's not right Something's not right You and Barbie differ Let's not just Smooth Once Barbie has a better wax than you

It's time to go No but I think what happened Was It's funny you say J-Lo before I think I think J-Lo is One of the most important women To ever live

Cause I think her ass Changed everything Yeah I think that's what made Big asses And like curvy girls Mainstream And then it Then it was like Then Hispanic girls Became all the rage For white guys I think that's what made big asses and curvy girls mainstream. And then Hispanic girls became all the rage for white guys.

There are so few Puerto Ricans in the industry. What's that? It's so hard to think of famous Puerto Ricans, like specifically Puerto Ricans. There's some baseball players, but that's about it. Bernie Williams. There's J-Lo. Ida.

I don't even know who Ida is Who's Ida? She's a comedian She's super funny I I don't know I don't know I don't know

See That's it Yeah You're blazing the trail Here I come Are you Squatting yeah I'm the next J-Lo

No I'm half Yeah I'm half My dad's white White and Puerto Rican And my dad's name is Jeffrey Yeah. I'm the next J-Lo. No, I'm half. Yeah, I'm half. My dad's white. White and Puerto Rican. And my dad's name is Jeffrey. With a G or a J.

Okay. That would have been... Not that white. Yeah, with your G off, it's... That's a weird one. But yeah, I feel like you... Like, once that happened... I feel like you were... That's like your time.

Yeah, then I can date A-Rod. Finally. Did you see when J-Lo broke up with him, he posted that story with the song where he was crying? That was so funny. It was Coldplay. He was playing Coldplay. That's how you get J-Lo back.

Your skin. She's like, I fucked Chris Martin 50 times. This isn't the song to play. He had a plate set for her, right? Yeah, she's already fucking. He's at dinner with her daughters. He's at dinner with her daughters and she had like an empty plate. Like she was like dead.

It was. There's nothing worse than a man begging for you. Yuck. All girls want to be wanted until they're like, get away. You want me way too much. It's got to be the perfect amount of wanting, truly. You guys run a fine line constantly. The minute that you cross that line, though,

or the minute that you don't want it and they give too much, it's over. That's what I was saying. Once you have an image of them being like a little begging puppy dog. But you guys don't do that. But guys don't do that to women. It's not like we fuck up one time

and you're like, ugh, I can never see her the same again. That's why I just keep fucking with you. Yeah, you're so horny. Everything takes, nothing matters. You guys're so horny. Everything takes, nothing matters. You guys are so horny. It's crazy. If you're hot enough and not even hot enough,

if you're good enough in bed, if you really click, I think we'll look over almost anything. I'd like to say no. You want to say no? I want to, yeah. In my soul,

I want to say no. But we don't. I'm just a pussy. As long as you're like, we're having sex tonight. Okay, yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. Whatever you say. That's fun.

I'm J-Lo. Then when you stop fucking, I'm A-Rod. When you stop fucking me, I'll put up a sad Instagram story. I can't believe that a guy who made as much money as he did and was as good at sports as he was and all that shit is also this just like door. He was having such a renaissance too. He blew it. He turned it around. He really Will Smithed himself.

Yeah. For real. He's like, I gag when I nut. It's like, stop. You did I Am Legend. Stop, dude. That was too much. Like his pub was supposed to be like Stop it Will

I would have If I was his Whatever I'd be ripping pages Out of that book I'd be pulling out Me Too stories Before that shit came out I'd be like

He assaulted someone actually We gotta reverse this Don't worry Will Smith fucks chicks And doesn't throw up On him at all He just said it wrong He said it too descriptively

If he was just like Yo I was fucking so many chicks, it was disgusting. It was making me sick. We'd be like, oh, that's awesome, dude. The metaphorical made me sick is one thing. I was puking after sex with them. Yeah, if he just said I was doing disgusting things. Just say you're gay.

I know. I mean, I've been hearing that recently. He's like, I don't know what it is, but pussy makes me puke. It's pretty weird. My wife is bald. My wife won't fuck me. My wife is bald. I mean, she abuses that man as far as I'm concerned.

See, that ain't right. That ain't right. The old if the tables were turned situation here. If there was some guy who was just like, yeah, listen. You think she physically hits him? No. I don't know. It wouldn't shock him.

But everything up to it. I mean, if there was some guy who was just publicly like, yeah, listen, I just fuck younger, hotter people in the industry because me and my wife agree upon it. She just has to deal with it. And she was sitting there at the table fucking crying. It would have been a fiasco. The entire, entire human history of people

has been men doing that to women. It happens to Will Smith once, and now it's an abuse case on Barstool. It's Will Smith. What the fuck is going on? Will Smith is the fucking, he was that dude. He was, but guess what? You can't break down a man who was that great. Cosby. He was never cool like Will Smith is the fucking He was that dude He was but guess what You can't break down a man who was that great

Cosby He was never cool like Will Smith Yeah he wasn't cool He was like popular Cosby was like the anti-cool right Wasn't he like He was big into like Yeah it was like Cosby's sweater

Why are young black men sagging their pants Yeah Shut up Bill Go shill some fucking Jell-O Jell-O Your main thing The main thing Bill Cosby is known for is now rape. Rape surpassed it. But aside from that, it was Jell-O jigglers.

You can't be cool. Wow, yeah. You can't be known for Jell-O. That's why he did all the rapes. I can't be known for Jell-O. Yeah, he's like another PR thing in the industry. Whatever the, I mean, I'll do any of it for the right money, though. You want me to shill Jell-O?

Jell-O? Fucking write the check, man right money though you want me to shill jello fucking write the check man I thought you were gonna go somewhere else with that I have a bit right now where I talk about how people whenever I do something

people are like whose dick did she suck to get on TV and I'm like who would I would do that what do you mean how is that like

probably the movie execs yeah probably the studio head probably the movie execs and if I could the studio head. Probably the movie execs. And if I could suck dick to get on movies, I'd be doing better. Yeah. Like, I'm not on, like, movies. I'm not in Eternals.

Yeah. Angelina Jolie got that one. It's like, you know how much easier it is to suck dick than, like, become a fucking trained good actor? Yeah, dude. If I could suck dick to get on a movie, I'd be in 64 movies. I mean, we just got to get you in contact with the right people, I actor. Yeah, dude. I'll just blow you, man. If I could suck dick to get on a movie, I'd be in 64 movies. I mean, we just got to get you in contact with the right people, I think. Yeah. Because I'm pretty sure you will be then.

Oh, shit. 50 Cent is calling me. I feel like you also could get in contact with 50. I think that he saw my tweets, and I think his girlfriend saw my tweets. Ooh. Because I was tweeting about it, and then, you know, the people on my Twitter will retweet it or at him. Or if I'll say anything else, even after I tweeted that they at him, they started adding his girlfriend. And when I tweeted that, she tweeted like an hour later after a bunch of people started tweeting at her.

I guess she tweeted, I guess some people just have to be delusional. And I read that. Most of us do. I don't know who his girlfriend is, but Samantha, most of us do have to be delusional. And I read that. Most of us do. I don't know who Vinny's girlfriend is, but Samantha, most of us do have to be delusional.

I read that and I was like, I'm closer. He saw it. I'm on the radar. I'm on the radar. You have made the first chink in the armor. I'm like,

so you see me. She probably was like, block that girl. That's a good sign. She probably looked through my shit and was like, she's kind of funny.

Imagine there's a fight at 50 Cent's house because of you. Me and that girl. That's better than fucking him. That's true. I would rather that happen. At least there's a fun story. 50 Cent's going to fuck. I feel like fucking a celebrity is never going to be what you think it is.

Fuck no. I fucked a couple people where I'm like, this is going to be cool. And I'm like, this is, why are you crying? You cry? You fucked Will Smith? You cry. Why are you gagging? I mean, it depends.

I feel like usually if you're a big enough star, successful enough, you probably don't. When you never get the truth about if you're bad in bed or you never really have to be good in bed, you're not going to be good at it. Oh, I'll humble anyone. I will humble anyone. You'll fucking tell someone, right? Yeah. You'll be like, that sucked.

Yeah. Well, the last guy I was hooking up with is a guy I was seeing in New York. And after we had sex, I was like, let's play a game. Let's rate each other in bed. Oh, my God. I jumped out the window. This is is one of our ATI questions. Like if it's,

would you fuck a porn star? But afterwards she holds a press conference about like your performance. Yeah. And a lot of people are like, nah, I can't handle that. He was like nine. I was like six.

I'd be like, all right, well, let's get some food. Let's go out. Six isn't the worst, but you, so did you wait for him to agree?

Like, I was like, nah, let's not play that. Yeah, he confidently agreed, which annoyed me more. I went from a seven to a six just by how excited he was to hear about it. Seven's a passing grade. If I get a seven, I'm going home with chest out. Still taking the six, bro. I feel like any time a girl, though, asks you – A D in bed, that's what you're happy with?

Yeah, yeah. If you tell them, bro, D's in bed, I'm fucking happy. You know, it's crazy how many people think that they're going to be D in bed. That's what you're happy with. Yeah. Yeah. You tell me I'm throwing these in bed. I'm fucking happy. You know, it's crazy how many people think that they're going to be good in bed because like being good in bed is hard. It's like it's like guys who think they're going to be good at golf right away. Yeah. On the golf course that they're going to shoot par.

Fucking. Yeah. Yeah. For the average. I'm sure it's harder for the guy than the girl. Well, yes, it's much harder. it's probably harder to be a better partner. It's easier for the guys for themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's harder for you guys to perform than it is for us. It's hard to be good. Us, we just have to slap you in the eye with a titty and you're not. It's crazy. It doesn't take much. I know. I actually am a pretty firm believer, though. I've been saying this recently.

I don't get how guys a pretty firm believer, though. I've been saying this recently. I don't get, like, how guys can be so bad in bed. Me neither. Like, I've always gotten pretty good – what? Me neither. I mean, it just seems like there's certain things that are pretty, like, foolproof to me. I don't know. I kind of get it. Have you ever seen a guy do more than one thing at a time?

It's a nightmare. It's a nightmare. I feel like you guys have one path. You guys are very – The thing I'll give men... Yeah. You guys are like very good when you're focused on one thing. That's where you're strong. I don't even think I fit that one.

What's an example? Rape? You guys have been doing that for centuries. I mean, successfully. That's what I'll do. I don't get that one centuries. I mean, successfully. That's what I'm on. I don't get that one. But someone today told me that I look like I have to.

I forget exactly what it is. Something like, I look like I have to focus more than the average person on breathing. I found that to be very funny. And also, if you extrapolate that throughout everything in my life, it's true on all fronts. I have to focus a lot more on whatever I'm doing. So, what are we – Sex is included, man. And guess what has to be number one at all times? Breathing.

So, sex ends up being a lot harder. It's like, I can't do that. I have to fucking breathe right now. Do you say things in the moment? During sex? Yeah. Do I talk during sex? Like, you suck at this.

Yeah, you fucking stir. Move this way. See, this is the thing that I've talked about before too is like guys tend to be so cocky that even sometimes I'll do something like guide their hand, like try to move it to the right spot. And they think that I'm having so much pleasure I can't take it anymore so they double down and keep their hand there and I'm like it's just like so much ego

when men have sex it's like they think like they're the man and I'm like you are rubbing my knee you're rubbing my knee that's not even close to my pussy I could not do it I want to be like put me where you need to go yeah I think get the toys out put the hand here, move my head,

tell me what to do, and I'm good. I think a lot of guys could benefit from, like, is, you know, is this good? Do you like that? Yeah, because he's just saying that out loud. Do you like... Yeah, do you like that? But that, even that sounds like, that sounds cocky.

That sounds cocky. Because, like, it almost paints you into a corner, like I had to say, yeah. What if you said, what if you said, put my hand. This is a good one. Put my hand where you want it. Yeah, that's a good one. There you go.

If you say, is this good? And you're just like, nope. Well, then what the fuck? Step two, let's just cut to that. Is this good? Nope. Is this good? Nope.

It really takes the sexy out of it. We're playing Marco Polo here. Is it hot or cold? Cold. Warmer, warmer, colder, colder, colder. I'm like, go where it's warmer. I think, and then afterwards, so you give him the six, and then what? Then he was like, ah, fuck.

And then the next time he had sex with me, he fucked me so good. Really? Yes, and the first thing I said after we had sex, I was like, oh, someone's trying to raise their average. And the way he laughed before I even got it out I knew that that's exactly what was on his mind so it's literally in my head then I get annoyed because I'm like oh you just weren't trying to fuck me good so now I'm mad for the times before

where you just didn't care to fuck me good how many times are you trying 100% me? yeah every time I have sex I want it to be great yeah but you don't give it 100%. No, you don't. Yes. No, you don't.

If I like the guy, yes. Every time I give it 100%. I don't think you do. I do. 100% is like, it's going to be a mess. It's going to be a problem. It's going to be. He's like, there's blood.

Yeah. Well, at least, okay, that's maybe, I'll speak for myself. There's a dead homeless guy in the corner. I think that maybe we have different ideas of 100%. Yeah, to me, I think 100%, it's almost like when you say, it's like in the Olympics when you can't give a perfect score because you got to. I'm going to fly to Japan and have sex in the suicide forest.

That's where 100% goes down. If you're fucking the guy who you always fuck and you're giving 100%, then what happens when 50 cent comes a knocking? There's going to be a new 100% there better be from him I doubt it you think that you're giving this regular guy the same sex as 50 cent

sex yeah I do I say that with confidence yeah my sex doesn't change for people I'm not like gonna tailor it I think that I just I am but the thing is for a woman the harder I try to like the the more I am. But the thing is for a woman, the harder I try to, like the more I give, the better the sex is for me.

So I'm really just giving 100% for myself. To make it a better experience. Yeah, if it's a dude I don't like and I'm in like, and I don't really want to be having sex, I'm just not going to fuck him. That's something you truly have to learn throughout life.

Like I probably spent, after I started having sex when I was 17, I probably spent 10 years sometimes having sex with people I had no interest in having sex when I was 17. I probably spent 10 years Sometimes having sex with people I'd no interest in having sex I just wanted to get to know them and then we're making out and suddenly we're having sex and Once you hit a certain age you guys just like I don't wanna fuck right now. You don't care It's this thing like you're as a woman. You're like told it growing up like you can't give a guy blue balls He'll be hurting all day, and it's like I don't care

Yeah, but as a guy you also get you can't knock you in what you want. She'll be hurting all day. And it's like, I don't care. Not a thing. Yeah. But as a guy, you also get, you can't knock you on what you want. She'll be mad at you. Like, I still haven't hit that age where I won't have sex if I don't want to. I still have sex all the time. Ari Shafir and I called it self-rape. So, yeah. When you're fucking someone, you're like, I can't just look at the wall till it's done.

I'm raping myself fully. There are times if for whatever reason I know that sex is not on the table that night, I'm like, we're just going to

hang out, chill, no pressure to do anything. I'm all good. We're just going to watch that movie. I'm happy. That's a perfect night

to be. It's in the morning maybe. Yeah. Morning sex I'm getting Kelly castrated for this exact reason. I get really tired at night so I'm more of a morning person because I just feel like it's nice. Like, you've had a long night's sleep.

There's always, like, a few hours in the morning to rest. But you also fucking stink. Yeah, everything's a little bit gross. Everything's gross. And then when you get up in the morning. No one's looking their best. No, it's, it's, there was a phase in my life where I, and I still do it if someone asks because I'm a fucksy, but the like.

You can rape me in the morning. I'm like, your mouth tastes so bad. Oh, I don't kiss in the morning. What are we doing? Yeah, I'll usually stay away from that too, yeah. That's not the kind of sex you have in the morning. You don't even look at each other. Yeah, that's what I mean.

That's not fun sex. It's spoon to me. I call, I call every sex I have is some sort of rape. I call that good rape in the morning. It's like, just put it in me while I'm half awake. When you hear me rustling in the morning, put it in. And then when the bird chirps for the third time, take it out. And we're good.

And that's like. It is. But that's not good sex. Who kisses during morning sex? It's almost an accidental kiss where it's like a flyby. A little peck where your lips touch maybe. It's like dry. It's like kissing sandpaper.

You're like, what are we doing here? To me, it's like a spoon situation. Yes, a spoon. You got to do the spoon. You guys are both like, I both like morning sex. Don't look at each other. That's how I have my afternoon sex too. I'm like sex don't look at each other yeah that's what's funny i was gonna say and that's how i have my afternoon sex too i'm like don't look at me

i'm disgusting and then my night time i'm too tired yeah sleep that's bad right it's really crazy like too uh when i was in a relationship i would always like throughout the day i'd want to have sex with my boyfriend so i'd text him and I'd be like, we're going to fuck later. And then, like, four minutes later, I'm like, why would I send that text? You write a check, you're asking for cash. Yeah, literally. I used to, like, not see a girl, but, like, hook up with a girl who lived far away and we would be exchanging, like, texts, like, really crazy sexual stuff. And then you'd get there and be like, I don't want to do any of this.

Or I can't. It's like, we're going to do one-fourth the position you talked about. One-third the acts. It's going to be less than half the time. Sex thing's better than sex, I think. For sure. Sex thing's the foreplay.

Sex thing is so much better than sex. Sex thing is like, oh. We can just sex. The best. And then I masturbate and go to sleep. I was going to say, the problem is I sex, I come, and then it's like, I don't even care about seeing you tonight at all. That's the fucking game. The whole date's off, let alone just sex. The best. And then I masturbate and go to sleep. I was going to say, the problem is I sex, I cum, and then it's like, I don't even care about seeing you tonight at all.

That's the fucking game. The whole date's off, let alone the sex. Like, we're just, I'm not even going to see you. People talk about like, oh, like, sex robots are going to get so good, people stop fucking and it's going to be the end of the human race. If sexting didn't kill us, because it's decidedly better than sex. We can survive the robots. We'll be fine with flesh sex.

We'll get through it. Yeah. He was telling me they announced that Skankfest is going to be in Vegas. Yeah. Did you like run Skankfest? I mean, not technically. I just got the impression you were like kind of part of setting it all up. No, no.

I do no work. I just go and reap the benefits. It's really great. Okay. You really did that. Yeah. No, yeah. Because just by the impression of some of the tweets, I thought you were like a part

of organizing it. So good for you. You are snaking it. Yeah. Because just by the impression of some of the tweets, I thought you were like a part of organizing it. So good for you. You are snaking it. Yeah. No, it's really fun. I love Skank Fest. Everyone is so fucking cool. Every year it is.

Every year I can't believe I survived and I'm just living another year again. When I leave, I'm like, that was the craziest weekend of my life and it's just going to happen again in like 11 months. It's wild. Do you do that in Austin too? Yeah. I've been the last, I think, four or five years. It's all the white boys again.

You know, growing up in that high school with all the white guys. Yeah. And then they all love me. It's my childhood dream. It's the best. Yeah. Skank Fest is fun. Vegas is going to be insane.

I don't know how I'm going to survive if things don't close down. Like every year at Skank Fest, I'm forced to go home at like 4 or 5 a.m. Yeah. So I can be out by 10 the next day. Yeah, it's going to be bad. I can't anymore. It's a young man's game. See, I say that.

I can't imagine hitting like 7 a.m. I say that, and then you go, I'll just take a crumb of acid. And there goes the whole fucking weekend. Gone. One crumb turns into 17 tabs. A little smack-a-roll, please. Wild. That keeps you up?

Acid? Yeah. Yeah, because you're just. I did an acid set at Skank Fest, and I was. Wow. How does that go? I was on the most acid I've ever done in my life, and I forgot I had a set. And it was like one of the bigger shows.

And, uh, and I go up to Alex and my eyes, she's like, your eyes are, you look insane. And I go up to her fully peaking and I'm like, I'm into,

I, I'm into, and I couldn't even speak. I was like, I don't know. And she was like, are you about to go on stage? And I was like,

I don't know. I was like repeating things and I was like panicking and I was in the green room and I'm looking around and I just see this like fruit this vegetable tray you know when they have the celeries and the dipping and I have these sweatpants on and I just stuff Alex says from across the room she sees me just stuffing my pockets with cherry tomatoes in a fucking panic yes and I was like I got to do something I got to do something and then I went on stage and my jokes weren't working and every time I bombed,

I threw a tomato at someone. That's a great bit. And turned it around on them. That's great. Well done, acid brain. Yeah. I was like, this will save me

because I couldn't even talk. I went on stage and I was like, I don't know what to say. Did you tell them you were on acid? I was like, I'm on acid. I was like, I don't know what to say. Did you tell them you were on acid? I was like, I'm on acid. I was like, that wasn't funny, huh?

So it wasn't comedy, it was performance art. Yeah, I experiment a little. I mean, listen, you're at Skankfest, there's a hundred hours of stand-up to be consumed. Sprinkle in some tomato-throwing performance art. It's the only comedy festival I do where I don't care if I bomb every set.

It's wild. Right, right. Yeah, I feel like is anybody really doing their best comedy? No. Everyone's just trying to make it through the set

so we can get fucked up and hang out. It's fun. I did a fight. I fought Ali Makovsky. That's right. I saw that. It was a good time.

Did you beat her up? I won, yeah. Yeah? Was there bad weather? But I was also training and she wasn't. No. It was a good time. Did you beat her up? I won, yeah. Yeah? Was there bad blood there? But I was also training and she wasn't. No. It was just for fun? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're friends. You gotta find somebody with bad blood. But she's a psycho. She asked me to do it. I was scared. I train and she doesn't and she asked me to do it. So then I was more scared because I was like, this girl's a fucking psycho. Yeah, yeah.

Who does that? Yeah. I wouldn't want to fight me. And then it made me more scared and the fight was great. It was a fun time. I'll take a Puerto Rican girl over a white girl any day yeah that's pretty much 100% of the time it would have been nice for someone with I'm glad we were cool because if it would have been someone I don't like I feel like it wouldn't have looked good on me like being angry and really trying to hurt someone yeah um no I think we do that enough here with

like rough and rowdy where people try and hurt each other. Yeah. It's like, all right, it's part of the game. And then you get over it. Yeah. If there's bad blood, it's a whole different animal. Yeah. Who would you want to fight? Trying to set it up right now.

Who don't I like? Yeah. 50 Cent's wife. Let's fight for his love. Let's set up a barstool fight. Me and 50's girl. Winner gets 50 dollars and a fuck 50 cent. I watched that movie

The Last Duel. Did you see that? It's with Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. It was very good. It was a box office bomb. Yeah, I watched it. It was going to be very good, although it was a box office bomb. Yeah, I watched it. It was pretty good.

The whole idea was Matt Damon's wife says that she got raped by a dude from Star Wars. Adam Driver. Unbelievable. He says no. It takes place in medieval France. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Medieval France.

So they say you raped. He says no. And they're like, all right, we'll duel it out. We'll duel it out. And if he wins, you got raped. If he loses, you didn't get raped. The old classic rape duel. And everyone's like, sounds good.

Everybody's like, this duel is governed by God, and God will tell us if you got raped or not. God knows. So then they even went up to the chick, and they were like, if you got raped or not. God knows. So then they even went up to the chick, and they were like, well, this is kind of your last chance, because if he loses, not only is it not rape, but that means you're lying before God. You get burned at the stake. Wow.

And they were like, and to remind you, it takes 30 minutes. You sit on that like can't you just be like you know let's all forget about this well that's I think that's what they wanted they wanted to be like

why don't you withdraw your and that was my point is I would be like withdrawing yeah I'd be like a little rape never hurt nobody you know what did

getting burned in the state getting burned alive certainly hurt somebody would you rather cum or burn bitch but what was wild is that like cum or burn two choices

and when they happened at the same time you you guys are running a con they like without spoiling it I guess

like they you know there's one outcome in the movie. And then they, like, the historians did a bunch of research and found out that, like, it was the opposite. Oh, wow. So, you know. I'm going to guess I know the outcome.

I'm going to guess the outcome was that she wasn't raped. No, no, no. The opposite. Really? Well, you know, he wins. It's like he raped. And then they found out He didn't do it No kidding

Yep So the lesson here Is like find you a man Who can fucking Battle to the death And then you can I like that I don't know

Protect that shit Not how I would've Guessed that movie going Wow I don't think How many How many like relationships Out there do you think

Would be Like comfortable enough To To back your man in a fight you know yeah we're talking we're talking to the death you would yeah well if it was like if let's say if it was me and i'm dating someone and they're like you have to fight for me she'd be like never mind dude yeah we're not going to battle bro i promise bro. I promise you, it was real, but we're not going to win this battle. I just don't want to be burned

at the stake. Let's just call it a day. Because no one's having any faith in me in a fucking first date. Yeah, I would guess a select few should. I think more than should do. Yeah, well, this is it goes back to like when you're in a bar and a girl is like you know, talking shit and then the boyfriend

has to back it up. There's nothing worse than that. Not fun. Have you ever done that with those girls? No. No. You fight your own fights? Yeah.

It's not that you don't talk shit. It's just that you just don't rely on the boyfriend to back it up. Yeah, I come back all sweaty. He's like, what happened? I'm like, I just got in a fight. We got to go. We're not allowed here anymore. But I won.

Shit. Yeah. What was the last time you were in a fight okay so this is a fun one the last time I was in a fight was in college the story that you heard where I

went to Panama City Beach for a spring break I was 18 years old and there was a concert happening on the beach and it was like thousands of students it was like super packed. And I was flirting with this guy who I'd met like an hour earlier. And during the concert, he was like, do you want to get on my shoulders? And I was like, fuck yeah.

So I'm on his shoulders. We're dancing. We're having a great time. And then this girl walks up to him. And I'm watching the whole thing. I'm like enjoying the concert on his shoulders. And then I see this girl partying the crowd. And she's like yelling at him while I'm on his shoulders.

And she's like, and who the fuck is this? And she takes her Coors Light can, and it's not even opened yet. And she just hits me in the face with it. Throw it? She threw it. No, she threw it. She threw it and smacked me in the face with it. And before I could even think, he had grabbed me by the ass and threw me on top of her.

Like, he used me as a weapon to hit her. Have you ever seen people do that with, like, dogs on Worldstar? No. They have the dogs on the leashes and they'll, like, wind them up. Yeah. I don't want to upset the white men, but, yeah, that's a thing. What in the name of Michael Vick are you talking about? We've just talked about women being raped for centuries, and I bring up one dog.

You're like, no! White people love dogs. It's fucking nice, dude. Way more than humans. It's wild. It is wild. We've been trying to fight back on this show about that. It doesn't work.

About dogs? You both have dogs, don't you? I like dogs, but I don't like my family. I like dogs. I like my dog. Yeah, it's very excessive With people like the doggos And the good boys

The doggos Fur baby Shut the fuck up Yeah You know what I hate I had a bad day Everyone sent me a picture of your dog I hate someone

That assumes I want to touch their pet Yeah Go ahead you can pet them I don't want to Yeah it's so pretentious Or like they're holding their dog And the dog like sniffs towards me And she's like ooh

And I'm like I truly don't give a fuck. I'll do that with like when I'm like walking, like walking my parents' dog. And then like someone would be like, they're like, stop. So like their dogs would smell each other. I'm like, no, let's fucking go. You're not making a friend on this walk. You're taking a shit and we're going home.

Yeah, I truly don't care that much. It's not that I hate them. I just don't care to like, I don't like the way that my hand smells after I pet some of them. Yeah, I mean, it's an animal. Anyways, there goes anybody that liked me on this podcast. No, that's what I'm saying.

Every few months we have a take that's kind of like, shut the fuck up about your dogs. And we're always like, you know, here we go. People are going to be pissed. People only get that mad though. Yeah, I think we're kind of coming around.

People are stopping Being fucking ridiculous I hate seeing them In restaurants Nothing worse Than a girl walking by You're about to In a restaurant You're about to go eat

And she's walking by With her dog These fucking shitty dogs That suck Yeah but it's like I don't want your dog Where my food is Cause I don't have a dog

Cause I don't wanna eat In your dogs Right Yeah Anyhow So this bitch So this bitch Th I'm on top of her. So this bitch throws a Coors Light can at my face. And he takes my ass and he throws me on top of her.

And then, yeah, we just naturally start fighting because. That's what happens when two people are on top of each other. Yes. And then her friends start jumping in. Yeah, dirty. And they start hitting me like in the back of the head with bottles, like beer bottles. Jesus. And I remember, and I still remember this so much, is like when you're in a fight you really don't feel much like you can feel that

you're being hit like I could hear the sounds of like ding ding like on my head but you don't really feel it in the moment your adrenaline's so high that you're like just fucking beat her up and survive and I eventually get dragged away by my feet I look like fucking scar like I have this thing on my eye um And it was fine. Like it happened. It was like 30 seconds. And two weeks later I go back to my college

eight hours away. And I go to this thing called Techno Tuesday. And I'm going to the bathroom and I see the bitch from Panama City that threw the Coors Light can in my face

waiting by the bathroom eight hours away. What? Yes. Like waiting for you or just waiting for the bathroom? No, no, no, just waiting for the bathroom. She has no idea that I see her. And I'm like, what a fucking, thank you, God.

See, he's real. He brings me where I need to go. And yeah, I stuck her out of nowhere. I just walked up. It was on site. Because that's the realest way to do that. She did it to me and she gets it back. That's my rule.

And then someone, I'm not going to mention names again, who is the daughter of an NBA coach, punched me in the eye directly as harder than I've ever been hit in my life. You felt that one? And it was the last fight I ever wanted to be in. That's it. It's over after that. Even your adrenaline couldn't cover it up?

Yeah. That one stunk. But this is how much of a whore I was in college. I got punched in the eye. I truly thought I might have been blind, and I still tried to fuck someone that night. I was like, I saw the guy had a crush on driving away. I was like, where are you going?

Trying to get your rating up from a six. Come on. I was like, my eye, it's fine. He's like, you're bleeding. I'm like, where are you going though I know a girl who fucked with a severely Broken arm Fell on the snow like on the ice that night

Like really It wasn't like through the skin but I think you could like Poking you know what I mean Like a bump in the skin And was like it's fine it's fine And I went out Fucked that guy And woke up in the morning Sometimes you just gotta get fucked. Fuck that guy.

I fucked a syphilis. And woke up in the morning. Sometimes you're not your best. I had that rash on the bottom of my feet. Sometimes you got an STD. There was one time I had a flu. This was before COVID, but I had a really bad flu.

And there was this guy that was sort of flirting with me. And he hit me up. He was like, let me bring you some soup and medicine. I was like, that's so sweet. And he did. He brought over medicine. He brought me soup. And then we put on a movie. And then he was like let me bring you some like soup and medicine i was like that's so sweet and he did he brought over medicine he brought me soup and then he like we put on a movie and

then he made out with me and after i got better i never called him again why because i was like i'm not dating a guy that kisses like sick women bro one like that's gross is that not gross like that's fucking disturbing i'm like you're gonna kiss me while i'm sick like you're it was like so unattractive that he was so horny that he would kiss a flu-y bitch. Even if it was me. I was like, ugh. I got mono. I had a girl, she's like, I have mono.

And I was like, nice. Your numbers have whittled down to one person willing to fuck you right now. Guess who's he? You guys went mono-y mono. Yeah. She's like, don't drink that. I-y mono Were you like She's like Don't drink that

I forget how mono works But she's like Don't drink that I think I might still Be contagious for mono And I was like Whatever Guess who doesn't care

And that was like The sexiest thing I've ever done It's like Look what I'll do for you I was not into it I was like No this is it And I still see him sometimes

And I'm like I couldn't imagine Kissing someone with a flu He probably was thinking The same thing This is the sex And I still see him sometimes. And I'm like. I couldn't imagine kissing someone with a flu. He probably was thinking the same thing. This is the sexiest thing I'll ever do. Bro, I don't. She's sick and she'll do it. Yeah. She knows I like her that much.

I'm like, this is the last time I will ever see you. Thank you for the soup. Honestly, it's not even just to fuck. It's also like, maybe I'll get the flu. Like, I don't. You just wanted the flu? I enjoy being. I've advocated this for a while now.

I like being sick. It gives me an excuse to live my life how I want to. How sad of a world we live in that we need to get the flu to take a rest. Yeah. Like, I like chilling,

just watching TV, eating soup. Because you could do that. Yeah. You live a life right now where you can do that, but you'll feel like, oh, man, I should be doing this or that.

But when you're sick, I'm like, oh, well, I got it. Call it off. When I got that, but you'll feel like, oh, man, I should be doing this or that. But when you're sick, I'm like, oh, well. Call it off. When I got COVID, I got COVID, like, over Christmas. Unbelievable. Me too. It was the best 12 days of my life.

It was unbelievable. On my 12th day? Yeah. On my 12th day, the CDC was like, it's five days. I was like, I'll take 13. It is. We vastly underrate sickness As a people When you have that excuse too

It's like I got two kids And if I got sick I'd be like You know I'd be off dad duty For a couple weeks And if I did that right now

I'd be like Fuck I miss my kids I gotta see them I gotta be a good dad But if I couldn't I can't I'm contagious I'd be like

Ruh roh Two weeks kiddos Maybe we'll FaceTime Maybe not I'm outta here So you got a couple podcasts, right? I do. Broad Topics.

This Bitch. Yeah. Broad Topics and This Bitch. Topics, T-O-P-I-X. You want to go do Answer the Internet? Yeah, of course. Let's do that. So follow on Instagram and Twitter.

Same handle? At Kim Congdon. Kim Congdon. And check out the podcast. Let's do it. All right. Oh, and Twitch, right? Streaming on Twitch?

Yeah, and check me out on Twitch. Twitch.tv slash QueenKong1. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.