KFC Radio - Nancy Reagan Glucked the First Gluck Ft. Kenny G

Episode Date: December 14, 2021

- KFC discovers Nancy Reagan's reputation as the Throat Goat - Dog Walk Toy Draft recap - Feits' loves his botox - Mr. Clancy thinks it's odd that Feits calls his friends moms "mama" - Feits was just trying to get smart by subscribing to the New Yorker and now he feels dumber than ever - Rough and Rowdy recap - Jacqued Up NFL Week 14 Recap + Romeo and Juliet - Top 5 Christmas Movies - Voicemails - Kenny G Interview including holding the longest note, Kenny G might be the best ~ box eater ~ of all time, and much more +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 0:00 - Intro 1:27 - Nancy Reagan is the throat goat 33:43 - Dogwalk Toy Draft 54:02 - Botox / Mr. Clancy 1:05:27:00 - Greatest Backfire in human history (The New Yorker) 01:13:11 - Rough and Rowdy Recap 01:23:23 - Jacqued Up 01:43:16 - Top 5 Christmas Movies 02:03:21 - Voicemails 02:39:34 - Kenny G Interview +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Amazon Music: Go to https://barstool.link/AmazonMusicKFC to try Amazon Music Unlimited FREE for THREE months! Cuts Clothing: Get 15% off sitewide at https://barstool.link/clancycuts Gage Diamonds: Go to https://barstool.link/GageDiamondsKFC or use promo code KFC for 20% off. Helix Sleep: Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners at http://cutsclothing.com/CLANCY. WhistlePig Whiskey: Visit barstool.link/piggybackryesmash for more info and make sure you grab a box in select stores!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Nancy Reagan used to have a pretty legitimate legacy in Just Say No. Like, the war on drugs, like, she came up with the phrase Just Say No, and that was, like, on t-shirts, and that was, like, the thing. And now, forever, she'll be known as like you know gluck gluck nancy yeah that is she is f***ing nance All right, what's up, you mutts? It's another episode of KFC Radio. Today is a first-ever KFC Radio.

It's our Pulp Fiction memento episode where we are jumping all over the place. We basically started the show, and then we forgot what we wanted to initially talk about. And then we got to a great segment that was like, well, we should lead off the episode with this. So you are going to time travel. This is the first ever episode of time travel podcasting where you're going to hear the middle first and the first second and the endings in the middle of the middle is last because we jumbled it all up and we're just chopping it up to make it the most enjoyable podcast you can listen to. So you're going to see clothes change. You're going to hear names change.

You're going to see the time change. And it's all to make sure that today's episode was perfect for you. But because I don't read as much, I did do something over the weekend. And this is really what the show is going to be about. Oh, God. Heavens to Betsy. What is going to be about. Oh, God. Heavens to Betsy. What is it? Nancy Reagan.

Oh, okay. I'm excited for this. Because I don't know what happened. I don't know anything. You don't know anything at all? I thought she died. Okay. She's dead.

She's dead. Oh, she is. She's dead. But she's been dead? She's been dead. Okay. So I saw your tweet. This was, what, Saturday night into Sunday?

Saturday, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's why, though, because I had the birthday party earlier in the morning and all that shit. I didn't read anything Saturday night. I was off my phone the whole day and night. Then Sunday rolls around, same sort of thing. And once I miss something on the internet, I don't care. That wasn't part of the fun in the beginning. This one was worth going back.

This was an all-time. I wish, yeah. What I really am upset about, I love when this kind of shit happens. I'm trying to think of other examples, but when all of a sudden you learn that there's like, oh boy, there's a Ruth Bader Ginsburg Twitter. There's a whole section of Twitter for this weird old person that I didn't know about, but they ride for these people. What happened?

Okay, so this Twitter account, ClassicallyAbby, tweeted Madonna's, is this up? Yeah. Her sexy pose. Yeah. Which, by the way, those pictures of Madonna. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Big time. Could get Yeah, big time.

Could get it. Big time. So it was like, who do you want to be? Like, you can be classy, you can be trashy. These two. And Twitter went to town because they found out that Nancy Reagan was known as Just Say Yes Nancy because she sucked all the cock in Hollywood. She...

And then it was... People... Like, Nancy Reagan never saw a cock that she couldn't, she couldn't stay away from. She had to taste it. She, Nancy Reagan walked around Hollywood like kids walking around the Willy Wonka chocolate factory. Just looking for schnozberries and fucking everything. They, she wanted all the cum in her belly. I am, I'm so sad and I am so mad at everybody.

I'm mad at all of you. I texted you. Did you? Yeah, but you texted me late. Like 3 o'clock in the morning, tears laughing in bed. I need to know. I need. Let me ask the gang here a question.

When I say something like, you guys got anything for one minute, man? You didn't think to maybe tell me about Nancy Reagan sucking cock all over Hollywood? You don't think that maybe that could have been a funny episode for today? Huh? I never give you anything for one minute. Oh, good.

Oh, to be clear, I'm always bad at my job. I need, like, an alarm that goes off for something like this. What time did I text you? Nancy Reagan just got that. She's a throat goat. Nancy Reagan, the throat goat. And it's hilarious that she was out there saying, just say no, and everyone's like, yeah, behind closed doors.

You know what Nancy Reagan says behind closed doors? Oh, yeah. say no and everyone's like yeah behind closed doors you know what ancy reagan says behind closed doors oh yeah bro there was the i'm trying to scroll back i'm mad at you i texted you no i'm mad at you what was the first like 30 minutes of this podcast about? Nothing compared to this! Before the show! Where's my text to you? My text to you was we are... I'm about to find exactly what I

said. It's like we gotta do Nancy Reagan on the show. I mean, I gotta know when it's... Nancy Reagan is Twitter at its finest. We might have to do the whole ep on this of Monday. You're right! We have to read through the whole thing! I swear, I'm thinking about maybe cutting out the first 30 minutes of the whole goddamn show. Nancy

Reagan sucking dick all over the place. Look at that picture. You know every single pic of Nancy Reagan has new meaning. It's so true. She's looking at Ray Charles being like, yup, I sucked that dick. Zach, can you tweet us doing the water bottle thing

with Bert right now? Yeah. Three Nancy Reagans going to town. This one, this is so funny. Sipping on that nut. Nancy Reagan when she gets to MGM. Someone tweeted Danny Jones got hurt. His neck got hurt.

He's like, Danny Jones going to see the neck specialist on Monday for a birthday. Yo, yo, that was, that was Joey. Like, Oh,

the, uh, bro, everything. Nancy Reagan loves to suck that. And you know what I love about her? Uh, is that she probably was like,

yeah, I did. And I do it again. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, look where I fucking got. That was the first lady motherfucker. You think I would I would get she's like I was born in like

1890 I needed to suck dick to get to the top and I fucking did it it was like oh did this one of Skip Bayless wait my turn you told me it was my turn movie execs

when they heard Reagan was on the lot. It's my turn! But like, but then, dude, so it's like, So that's,

I mean, so obviously, Ronald Reagan is, I don't know, before doing a movie, she strolls up to the trailer. They met on a blind date,

according to them. Yeah. Blind because she had a dick down her throat yeah she had her eyes closed while she was fucking deep throating his dick ronald reagan probably was like fucking these hoes nancy shows up and sucks the soul out of him the original ideavthroat.com before the internet it was like nancy reagan deep throat telegrams were flying around and he was like i need to lock this bitch up for life that's that's that the moments like this are what make me

it's impossible to understand how twitter isn't the most important thing in the most successful thing in the world company because here's the deal. Twitter a woman tweeted, be classy. Essentially. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Twitter then ruined the legacy of a dead woman. Tarnished the fuck out of Grandma Nancy. You know there's some poor

little family back home like, Nana Nancy? What? She did, why is Nana trending? Oh, fuck! Bro, but like like when I look at Mr. T you know she sucked Mr. T's dick

Mr. T had his R.I.P. tweet to her was like R.I.P. to Nancy Reagan a very special woman to me dot dot dot you know

choose your own adventure you finish that up dude the but like like it it has it has literally to people like me and and

but to people like me to heavy twitter users the reagan legacy has completely changed all because of one single tweet they don't like it is like kind of unrelated you know what I mean like it is now they are the yeah yo Nancy Reagan used to have pretty legitimate legacy and just say no like the war on drugs like she came up with the phrase just say no and that was like on t-shirts and that was like the thing you know know? Yeah. Yeah. You ever see that clip? It's like, what, you know, a little, a little girl came up to me and said, you know, what do I do when they ask me drugs?

And I said, just say no. Became like a cultural revolution. And now forever she'll be known as like, you know, Gluck Gluck Nancy. Yeah. That is. She is cock sucking Nance. You know what's so funny? She's so like old and frail. Yeah. That is... She is cock-sucking Nance. You know what's so funny? She's so, like, old and frail.

Frail, yeah. Like, she reminds me of... Which is surprising, because you think about all the calcium she must have gotten. You would think she'd have traps and shit. Figured Nancy Reagan looked like Dwayne Johnson. I could just see her... She reminds me of the mom,

Ray Finkel's mom. You want some more cookies? I can see her just be on the lot and be like, who wants their dick sucked? Who wants this throat? She'd do it in the office. Nancy Reagan would suck a dick in 70s, 60s offices. Here's a question for you.

Who do you think, no, what year do you think was the first time somebody ever flipped somebody upside down and held their fucking head over the couch and just went to town on their throne? Probably on the MGM lot. Probably with Nancy Reagan, right? That's why, I mean, Nancy Reagan might have been the first woman to get her face fucked. Legitimately.

Legitimately. I don't think that was really happening all that often back then. And then Nancy came along and changed the game. Nancy Reagan made everyone whose dick she was going to suck have a bush. She needed a fucking airbag. Nancy kept breaking her nose. That's why bushes were hot back in the 60s and 70s. The way I do it, I'm going to break my fucking face on that dick.

Nancy Reagan came out of the lot one day with just two black eyes and a crooked nose. What happened? Well, I met Ronald. You just get out of makeup? No, I got out of the lot one day with just two black eyes and a crooked nose. What happened? Well, I met Ronald. You just get out of makeup? No, I got out of Reagan's office. How many dicks do you think Nancy Reagan sucked? Great question. Great question.

I would guess Nancy. What do you think the average person has sucked? How many dicks do you think the average woman sucks in a lifetime? Average? Yes. I would say, so the average is like everyone who's alive right now. Yes. So like older people.

Mixed with the younger. I think, yes. I think the younger numbers are going up. Yep. But I think the average would probably come out, I think we're single digits. I was going to say like 10. Okay. I think we're on the younger side of single digits. By a lot or by a little?

I think 7 to 10. Okay. Yeah, I'll ride with that. I think the numbers are. Everything's going to the moon these days. Jackie's face over there. Is there any way there was a camera on her? Oh my God.

Is she crying? I think she's crying. Jackie, what would you say the number is? The average number for the person alive. Average semester. She went... I've been factoring in 90-year-old people who didn't see a dick until they were 30. Well, that's, but yes, but maybe not,

because now I'm thinking, like, if Nancy Reagan was out here, just blow until they fucking came. She was from Hollywood. Yeah, but, like, so you gotta factor in a bunch of that, but you also gotta factor in a bunch of, well, I guess they just sucked one dick all the time, probably, right? Oh, I don't

think so. I think Nancy was all over the game. No, no, no, but I'm saying other women. Other women. She had the chance to blow everybody, but other women, it was probably like, I mean, people grew up in towns of 50. You got your guy and you sucked that dick. Or you sucked all 50 of them. I don't know. I don't think a lot of people were sucking all 50.

No, I agree. The... Am I crazy? I'm trying to do... I'm not trying to slut shame here. You're like a jackass. The... The... What is your guess for a number of... of slut shame here. The, the,

what is, what is your guess for a number of, I don't know, but like single, I don't know. I think there are three. I think there's a good amount of women

who their number is, a good amount of people whose number is zero. Well, are we also talking about like sucked to, sucked off, start to finish,

came in your mouth sort of thing. Yeah. Like not like foreplay blowjob to get you ready sort of thing. Or like if there to finish, came in your mouth sort of thing. Not like foreplay blowjob to get you ready sort of thing. Or if there's been a dick in your mouth. I think if you caught a dick in your mouth, yeah. That was funny because it started natural. You did kind of do a high voice and it just went into a little timmy.

That voice is a little timmy in my mind. I think it's a dick in your mouth with intent. Yeah. Well, no. I would say it's a matter of time. What would you say is you got a blowjob? A dick in my mouth? Nope. Boy.

Enjoy that one, Dr. Freud I would say my dick in a mouth that has intent I think intent matters here to what? make you cum? intent to if you're trying to if you're trying to fucking

if you're trying to hit yourself in the collarbone with it that's intent but what if I just do that like a couple times you just say

look you're just doing this like that that's not a blowjob okay but what if I put it in my collarbone twice and then I stop that's not

that's not a blowjob either that takes the jury to the piers but I think that I think I know it in my collarbone twice and then I stop? That's not a blowjob either. That takes the jury to the piers, but... I think that... I think I know. Look, Kevin, you put a dick in your mouth right now and you hit yourself in the gob. I'm saying, can I just watch Kevin suck a dick? You watch me suck a dick.

You didn't watch me give a blowjob. It's a spectrum. It's a spectrum. So, like, let's say... Okay, let's break it down at the top of the chart here is

it's on your side now is yeah John why don't you fucking sell us on it I think at the top of the chart is

you sucked a dick from start to finish and it came that's a blowjob, right? Yes. Then there is you sucked a dick with the intent to

make him cum, but I don't know. He tells you, like, stop. And you're like, no, let's have sex or whatever. But you were like, I'm going, you know. You're doing the hair up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah. You tapped out. Then there is, I sucked your dick to get you hard.

And then there is like, you're already hard. I put it in my mouth by two seconds to like check the box. Like, I don't know. To be like, yeah, yeah, whatever. I did it. You know what I two seconds to like check the box. I don't know. To be like, yeah, yeah, whatever. I did it. You know what I mean? Yeah.

To be like, you know, he said, I did it. You know, you can't say I didn't. Sort of thing. That to me is like the four phases of dick sucking. I think you're about right there. So like the come,

the intent to come, the intent to make you hard, the intent to be like, you can't say I didn't. Those are the four bases of dick sucking. Yeah, right. That's first, second, third, and home. In reverse order, almost.

And I think that there's a lot of... I think there's probably not too much in between, I bet, actually. I bet it's either you did it or you didn't do it. You know what I mean? No. I feel like there's not... Yeah, no, you're probably right.

It's probably... Out of that phase, out of that chart, the most is probably sucked your dick to get you hard. Yes. Right? Yeah. Which I think that counts as a blowjob.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to stamp that with a blowjob. But that could... I wouldn't... No, you can't. You can't. Because also... Oh, you know what. You can't. Because also... Oh, you know what else?

Okay. So that chart is like... That chart is going to be considered for... Okay. That chart is like the tangibles. I feel like I should be wearing a fucking lab coat. Yes. This is our Silicon Valley moment.

That chart is the tangibles of defining a blowjob. Then there are the intangibles, meaning... Finger in the butt. Yes. Yes. If you go down there... This is real quick. That came out of my stomach.

Finger in the ass! Again, Freud is having a field day. I did that entire segment saying I, for no good reason. The whole time. The whole time. Didn't even consider it saying she or her. I said I and me the whole time.

I didn't even realize it. And you didn't even realize it, which is even worse than, um, I, so I'm choking on cock, right? Yeah.

Which is part of the intangibles, by the way. I say, if you are blowing a guy to get him hard and or to just, like, check the box, and it's only 10 seconds, but while you're down there, it's a thumb up the ass. And, like, what if this... A thumb. What if this? She's got a strap on. She's fucking.

If a girl, if a girl just puts your whole dick in her mouth, hits you in the airbag, and is like looking up at you to make a point of it while she throws a finger in your ass and then that's it. I almost feel like that's a blowjob. If a chick, if there's spit everywhere and she goes to town but it's only for 10 seconds but she still gave you a show,

I think I'm calling that a blowjob. I think you can throw out the tangibles the intangibles outweigh the logistical performance there's no come it didn't last that long but there was intent to and there was no intent to make you come but there was intent to make you go like whoa that chick sucks dick you know what it really is okay i think i have the by the way someone go check on Nancy Reagan's grave. Like, never in the history of the world... Someone's coming on that shit right now.

No, I meant as, like, her skeleton is trying to... She can hear this. She's trying to scratch her way out. Rolling doesn't... Like, let me out! Give me a microphone! I'll tell them how to suck a dick, those fucking... She didn't want a microphone. She's like, let me out and give me a cock. I'll show you. I think this... Nancy Reagan's skeleton

is bowing down Mass Ave in D.C. right now. Coming running up 95. I hear someone talking about sucking dick. There I am. Nancy Reagan's skeleton

is in her fucking in her tomb fucking masturbating to Adrian Chetchik videos. Ah, God. It got dark. It got real videos. Ah, God, it got dark. It got real dark. Whatever, man.

I think the way to encapsulate the logistical mixed with the intangibles, if you walk out of your session with that girl or guy and say, they know how to suck dick, got a blow job okay if you walk out impressed by their skills you got a blow job because not every job needs to be finished or done well you know not like it it has to like check every part of you you know, every box. Dude, I'll tell you what.

I think I came into this with the exact opposite argument. I think I am, you only got a blow job if it was start to finish. Otherwise you got your dick sucked. Yeah, okay. That's so, so like, yeah. If you walk out saying that girl knows how to suck dick versus that girl knows how to give a blow job. Because a blow job is start to finish.

Yeah. A job does have to be finished. Yeah, there's beginning. Right, right. Otherwise, not a job. You're incorrect about that. Then you're just working. Right.

Let's do a lot of hand motions on this. I feel like it's a... So, no. It's like, to me, I feel like if you... There needs to be a beginning, middle, and end to your blowjob. Because there's parts to it.

It's a dance. In the beginning, you're doing a lot of tongue flicking. And in the middle, you're fucking spitting. And then at the end, you're going to down. You're right. There is. And Nancy probably had a method to the madness. Even if someone did something crazy,

and later someone's like, you get a blowjob? And if we had sex, I And, like, later, someone's like, you get a blowjob, and if we had sex, I'd be like, nah, she sucked my dick, though. But you had to come. What happens if you hook up with a girl, she sucks your dick, and you never come? What happens? You got your dick sucked.

But you didn't get a blowjob. And you didn't have sex with her. No. So you... I mean, unless I actually had sex with her, in which case then I had sex with her, yes. What if you, what if she sucked your dick for a little while and you end up coming from like a handjob or something like that? So you did come, she did suck your dick, but that's not a blowjob. Hmm.

Man. And I'm not talking handjob like she stays on her knees and just jerks you off. That's part of the blowjob. Yeah. I'm saying like, you start to go down on her and then later you're, you know, I don't know, she just goes in her hand for some reason. Or, I don't know,

her feet. I don't know. Who knows? I, yeah, this is deep philosophical shit that only Nancy Reagan can answer because she's fucking dead, man.

I gotta, we gotta talk to her. Like, this is why I wish Heather, Heather Brooke had a better return to her porn world. Like, get her on the phone real quick.

Because if Heather Brooke's here and she just throws my shit down there and just is goofing on it for a little while, I guess I would just say Heather sucked my dick. She didn't give me a blowjob. She didn't suck goofing? She's getting silly down there. You know how it is.

Jackie, what do your friends say? What? Would your friends be like, I gave him a blowjob if he if it was just foreplay? Yeah, I don't think that's considered a blowjob. You know what people say? I went down on him. Yeah. Right?

You went down there. Is there a term for blowjob like muck and barn, which just kind of like the fun one? Like, ah, you muck barn, then you smash. Yeah, yeah. God, I don't know how I'm 33 years older than a fraternity. I feel like it's a...

What are you going to do? I think people would say, I mean, I don't, but things like, ah, she slobbed my knob for a little bit, or something like that, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's but like things like, yeah, I should slob my knob for a little bit or something like that. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's the thing people say right before they kill themselves.

As you should. All of the guy terms are way like lamer. You know what I mean? Like, like for what, like getting head kind of deal? And all of it.

When we always say like, ax wound and gang shit, all these things. Yeah. All of it makes you sound like a fucking rapist. But I think... Why are you so concerned with injuries?

Yeah, everything's fucking violent. I think... I guess it's just... Can't it just be my flower? If I was recapping my experience with someone and there was just some oral sex... I wouldn't answer that. Right.

Yeah. But if I came from it... Imagine you just sitting around just telling your boys a story about eating pussy. And then I went like, yeah. I'm fucking at her legs up. Actually, I'm going to start doing that. I'm exclusively telling...

Pussy eating stories? Yeah. It's impossible. I can't believe anybody's bad. It's so gross. I can't believe anybody's so gross i can't believe anybody's bad yeah that's what you gotta do you do that enough long enough it fucking works there's no technique to it just go just fucking Stop! There's just no method to the madness. That's probably what you literally do. I mean, we once described it as a dog drinking out of the water bowl on a hot summer day. Hot July day. Yeah, just get in there. July?

Like a girl? When the dog's all painted. One of those paintings that's just everywhere. A girl blowing a guy is like a painting masterpiece. And a guy going down on a girl is just an abstract. Jackson Follett. Yeah. Please stop. Nah, never going to happen. abstract Jackson Follett please stop nah, never gonna happen

you're not gonna get hit what about okay, one last scenario she goes down on you probably with the intent I'm gonna throw it all out there she goes down on you with the intent. I'm going to throw it all out there, okay? She goes down on you with the intent

to make you cum. You give the tap. She comes up. You have sex. Then you take it out. She starts to blow you again and you cum in her mouth. What happened there, officer? She sucked my dick with intent.

She was like, I'm going to give him a blowjob. You get credit as the blowjob? Not that I've ever done this in my life being like, oh, how often does... You've never done this before? Suck dick? No, not that. I don't know.

I feel like at some point in a relationship, God's like, oh, she didn't suck my dick in like three months. I have no idea when the last time anyone ever sucked my dick was. It is. I don't know. It's not like I keep it. But that's because you've been getting them enough, probably. Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, right. Once you miss it and it's been a long time, you start to be like, Yeah, man, I stay getting top. Stay getting sloppy. What's the definition? But here's what I'm saying I want to make you cum the guy says no you start fucking but then he's like but let me finish your mouth it would check the box

as we've mentioned before of like she gave me a blowjob but I would not call it a blowjob so it would be like we had sex we had sex and i finished in her mouth but what if that i don't think i ever specify where i come no but that's what that's what that's what happened though yeah unless but what if it's like a whole position what what if it's long enough that that was like a whole position i was putting you in

this way i was putting in that way and then i put it in your mouth for like the last like five minutes and I came. Because then it's almost, you know what else? There's a whole other fucking wrench. I feel like a blowjob has got to be like I am just sitting, standing or laying there and she's doing all the work. Otherwise, I just think it's another sexual position.

So if you are... Because if I'm just like fucking your face, that's like I'm putting it just in another hole but I'm still doing all the work. I'm just having sex. This isn't relaxing for me at all. Right. And she's like... My legs are tired. My head's getting a little fuzzy.

I can't relax at all. She's like... This isn't even a blow job, God damn it! I'm going away! I wish you were a dragon! if you want to die. I'm not. How the hell do you want to die? Oh, God. You know what is really, really funny? This is like one week removed from being like,

from being like, it's so weird on those podcasts that they were talking about boobs and butts. And now we're here. Like, bro. This isn't our fault. This is Twitter's fault. This is Twitter's fault.

This is Nancy Reagan's fault. Bro. But the only thing I want to say about Twitter too is that, I'm going to look at that in a second, but the, that it is, it's, Twitter's like the cool teacher. Because, like, they, like, you. They teach you, like, the real truth?

Like, yeah, they got me in a dick socket. Like, get me a, god damn it. My eighth grade fucking first time. Yeah, you literally got me in a dick socket. You know the cool teacher used to fuck you when you were a kid. You guys all know what I mean, right? The teacher who would hang back, let you have a glass of wine, and then fuck you. Kept complimenting your arms because you're bench-pressed.

You know the cool teacher, Mr. C, on the computers in computer class would come around and massage you during class. That's a real story, Paul. That's a real one. He was cool as hell. But they're fun, right? So they kind of get you into the subject. And then they're also like, by the way, Nancy Reagan's a piece of shit. That's Mr. Turner from Boy Meets World. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's got a leather jacket. He rides a motorcycle. And he told you that Nancy Reagan sucked hella dick. And then explained to you how she played a huge part in prolonging the AIDS crisis. And for seven years, it took seven years for Ronald Reagan to ever say the word AIDS.

AIDS, jeez. To acknowledge it was happening. That is crazy. One of her best friends, Rock Hudson, called pleading for help, and she just cut him off. She's a piece of shit. Bad person, but sucked a mean dick.

But the other thing I was thinking. Wouldn't it have been great if she got AIDS? That would have been a sweet poetry at the end there. I'll be up with this percentage. 78% of U.S. women reported to have performed oral sex in europe and japan they've reported 100 not a single woman alive who hasn't sucked a dick in japan i kind of believe it like that one's a bit of it i kind of believe it it's like you know you come in it's like fix me like make me some tea roll me some sushi and suck, lady. But that doesn't give us a number.

That's not how many dicks they suck. But the other thing I was thinking about with Twitter... Wait, how does a penis feel inside a woman's mouth while giving a blowjob? I'm curious. I'd like to see how that's described. Before we look at that, so like,

I have relatives who follow me on Twitter. I have have relatives who follow me on Twitter. I have older relatives who follow me on Twitter. And I was thinking on Sunday morning that my grandfather saw this retweet from me. And he just has Twitter. He follows his grandkids. Right. So he doesn't look at trending stuff. I don't imagine. I don't play. So when he sees his retweet So he doesn't look at trending stuff. I don't imagine.

I don't play. So when he sees Nancy Reagan, he doesn't know why. Why it's trending. So he just saw this from me. It says, when you find out Nancy Reagan is dead. Okay? So no head. And then smashes a skateboard.

By the way, by the way, dude, there's a good chance your grandpa got his dick sucked by Nancy. Oh my God. He's like, what is that? Bro, how's the dick feel in a woman's mouth? That one had no answers. This is the only thing I had. Oh, that one had no answers. Shocking.

I really think we should just throw everything out and start the show with that. I think so too, probably. Yeah. All right, now that all that Nancy Reagan cock-sucking stuff's out of the way, let's get back to the original beginning of the episode. And before we do, you better subscribe. Otherwise, she did all that for nothing. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network.

It's Clancy and Feidelberg. And we're happy to be here. Fuck around. We're happy to be here. That's the kind of fuckery we're talking about. I hope, you know, we're not for everybody, right? Few people. Many people're probably just

going to turn that right off yeah but that's okay you ever heard a nail scratch on a chalkboard but they can talk

that was the most annoying that noise right there is straight out of Dumb and Dumber you want to hear the most annoying noise in the world

so this is I was doing it last night just laying around talking to my mom like this boy did she hate it I bet yeah So this is... I was doing it last night. You're just laying around talking to my mom like this. Boy, did she hate it. I bet.

Yeah? Yeah, please stop. What else we got going on in the show today, Kevin? No, he's not going to stop. He's going to keep doing this. Hey, Kevin, you have two kids. You know how this goes, don't you? The more I tell him not to. You know what?

I fucking love that voice, John. I love when you do that voice. It's awesome. Keep. Yeah, yeah. No, I love it. It worked. I was like, wait, you like it?

You are a dumbass. You got me. Stupid child. But you know what? We start off our show. It's clearly defined as fuckery. And if you're not here for that, then go away. You're fine.

It's good. We'll weed them out. Oh out oh no I thought you were just going to top them it's like Jesus Christ it's Monday fucking morning relax alright we got Joe DeRosa for our interview coming up very funny dude another piece of Philly trash on the show we've had too much Philly trash we need to get someone from like London

on the show get some fucking like high class we need someone from like Buckingham Palace. Balance out all these fucking scumbags we've had on. It's your Tuesday episode so you know you're going to get jacked up. We've got voicemails, of course.

Top five today. Top five Christmas movies. It's the holiday season. You know it had to be done. Especially because Barstool's been trolling the whole internet all season long with fake lists, so let's get you a real list. I was on the Barstool dog walk toys draft yesterday, and it's hard, man. It was hard to narrow down to five.

It's also really hard like i i would not be able to i wouldn't be able to i can't name it took a little like research i did like you know best 90s toys and shit and it like jarred my memory you know but it's hard to do with like different generations you know what i mean like i i could confidently say i should win if you're like in your 30s you know what i mean if? If you're like late 30s or mid 30s. But there's you know, I drafted the Nerf bow and arrow. Do you know that? I mean, I don't not know it, but I wouldn't know. Yeah, like to me

that was like the premier fucking toy. But you know, Eddie was like, I don't know what that one is. You know what I mean? Not that it's like a bad toy, bad pick, but people aren't going to know these things. So I did, I got the first overall pick, which is a huge, you get Nintendo 64 right off the bat, and

it's like, was it just toy, is that a toy? Everybody gets one Nintendo, one video game console was the thing. What I think they should have done was like one video game, one gun, one sport thing, like a piece of equipment, because like the Vortex was like a huge,

you know, what's wrong? I don't know, I thought it was like a huge of equipment. Because, like, the Vortex was, like, a huge, you know. What's wrong? I don't know. I thought it sounded like he was talking. Oh. The... I was going to say, and then do, like, a 25-cent, like, dispenser toy, like, get the sticky hand. Oh, yeah.

I didn't know if it had, like, classifications like they used to do would be better because there's just so many fucking toys. But what were your top toys as a kid? Do you remember any of them? I remember. a christmas that was like open it up like the nintendo 64 kid no fuck no did you have a bike for christmas bike i probably got a bike yeah i don't think i ever got one for christmas i got a workout bench when i was like seven that was that was like my big gift. I got a bench press when I was, like to the point where like the P, what's the parents association called? PTA. The PTA was like, dude, he's fucking, he's too young.

Yeah. He's going to stunt his, which I don't think there's truth to that. Yes, there absolutely is. I don't know. Your dad was probably slipping you steroids. You know what? You should have just been was probably slipping you steroids. You know what? You should have just been that mini Hercules kid. You know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. That kid's life got ruined. Yeah, of course it did. I read like a Where Are They Now. I have a podcast. I remember not only did I get a workout bench, but I remember being at my friend's house whose dad was blue collar.

And it was the night before Christmas. And my dad rang the doorbell. And I was there. And I thought he was coming to pick me up. He wasn't. And I see him talking to Bob. And he said, Bob, you got a wrench? And Bob was like, what do you mean?

He's like, you have a wrench I could borrow. He's like, yeah, what are you doing? He's like, I'm setting up a workout bench. He's like, OK, what are you doing? He's like, I'm setting up a workout bench. He's like, okay, you don't have a wrench? My dad's like, I don't have a wrench in the house. And my dad had no tools. No tools whatsoever. He would say his only tool is a telephone.

Yeah, it's a call. That's it. My tool is the wallet. And it is. But it was like, it's like the blue collar guy was like, yeah, I guess I'll get you a fucking basic. A single wrench. The most basic tool.

Do you need a hammer? Right, right, right. How about a knife and fork too? You fucking cunt. Yeah. And then I walked downstairs and I was like. Now wait, was that one of those, you know, was that a gift for dad disguised as a gift for your son?

Or was he actually like, I need my son to hit the weights? And also. No, because he didn't stop going to the gym. Like he stopped going to a gym. Like. Yeah. Until COVID. So it didn't even count. He didn't stop going to the gym. He stopped going to a gym until COVID, so it didn't even count. He didn't work out at the house. Was it the whole set? It was a bench press with...

He also got the weights? Yeah, bench press, weights, and it also had two dumbbells too. Okay. And dumbbells that you could change the weight kind of deal. Right, okay, cool. I was hoping it was like literally the bench. You already had the weights, now you can lay down. Here's a hockey stick with paint cans taped to it.

Go to work, kid. And would you, at the age of seven, you'd hit the bench? Yeah, I'd work out. I mean, not crazy. John, it doesn't matter how crazy. I would exercise. It wasn't like... It was by no means fucking the...

I would say Munchausen. It's not Munchausen, but the USC kid whose dad trained him to be USC's quarterback his entire life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just called being an asshole. A fucking freak show. It wasn't like that, but I would exercise occasionally. At the age of seven.

Yeah. That's not normal, right? I get seven. Let's put the caveat on it that I say seven all the time. I was definitely in elementary school. I think anything, anything in elementary school

is weird to be exercising in any form. Yeah, get downstairs in the unfinished basement, you fat ass. Yeah, like to be to be anything, I would say. Not even an unfinished basement, like an unfinished basement was like, where like the walls

were. Like asbestos. Like it wasn't like it wasn't flattened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it was like a earth. Yeah, like the kind of Monte Cristo. I was in like a jail cell. You were in prison working out. Banging out push-ups and shit.

That is weird. I think any kid under, let's say, I think by the time, especially if you're showing any promise in sports, like 12, like 6th grade? Because I remember

We had buckets of rice down there to yeah yeah that's weird that's so weird that's so it was actually it's one thing for like to have the weights but to be like john benny come here you need your hands to be strong so we didn't fucking grab it's a rice it was all Yeah, yeah. Wrist curls and stuff like that. I guess hockey's one of those like wacky sports where like you got to start early. But like I'm just thinking,

you know, in the next couple of years if I was getting Keegan fucking... I got you the military press this year, kid. I mean, that is fucking something. I got to get... You'd be like, yeah, the military press is year, kid. I mean, that is fucking something. I had to get press this year. You'd be like,

Dad, a military press is just an exercise. It's not actually a machine. You can do a military press with anything, really. If you wanted to, it'd be pretty lightweight, but you could do a military press

with two water bottles. Now do a girl. Do a girl. Same exact voice. It's going to make it hot. Now do a girl. Do a girl. Same exact voice. I was going to make it hot. Now do it. It's going to be like sultry. Oh, hello, Kevin.

No. No. If I don't get you into a voice acting gig next year, I'm going to be upset with myself. How can you go that high? It was Shay's birthday this weekend, so I had to go through the whole presents thing. I saw that. I actually, did I get a good fucking,

I think I deleted them all. Nah, I don't have it. I had a screenshot because I was going in and out of Wi-Fi, and my Instagram kind of just stopped, and it looked like shit-faced Santa driving the car. Like one eye was wonky, one eye was half-closed. My hair was all fucking jacked up. Yeah, I decided at the last minute to dress up as Santa for her birthday.

Primarily to, I mean, holidays are weird. Last birthday was when I almost burned the house down with the exploding candles. Yeah. And the fucking dish mat set on fire. And, you know, any of the years prior to that were when things were still extremely tense in the family. So birthdays for me has always just been like, this is the worst. But at the same time, I'm trying to, like, also have a blast for the kids. So I was like, I'm going to dress santa because you can't say shit to santa you know you can't pick a fight or be nasty when i'm here dressed as fucking santa you know but uh i never at any

point thought that shea would be tricked because i made a video for shea when she was like two where i dressed up as Santa. And it was kind of like hopefully a trick to get her to behave. Oh, I was trying to get her to get rid of her pacifiers. So I was saying, give me all your pacifiers. I'll give them out to the other kids. And then that's how you know you're a big girl. And that's how Corona started.

Patient zero. For some reason, I did Sco-a-Steve I was like hello Shay it's Santa and I want you to give up your pasties for the little kids all over the world

it's like is this Mickey Mouse is this Scoop-a-Steve is this it's a good Mickey that's what Santa sounds like exactly no Santa's like

the ho ho ho but I didn't know how else to talk and she was like two and she was like dad that's didn't know how I was to talk. And she was like, two. And she was like, dad? That's dad dressed up. And I was like, fuck!

And so like six had no chance. Some little girl, when I walked in the door, though, one of her friends was like, Santa? And I was like, oh, fuck. I was like, I at no point planned on pretending to be Santa. Or had to be like, yes, it's me. My sleigh's around the corner. My Hyundai, the Tucson,

babe. Rudolph is in the shop, so I got the Tucson. But yeah, Shay goes, that's not Santa, that's just my dad dressed up as Santa. Are you fucking kidding me? That's my weird father.

He got me a bench press for Christmas this year. So we did that at home. Then the next day, she had to go to someone else's birthday party. It was actually her birthday party. Or her birthday. We did her party on Saturday. Her real birthday was Sunday.

She had a different girl's party to go to on Sunday. Let me tell you how that goes. You gotta kill that girl. That's a good point. Yeah, let me tell you how that goes for a fucking six-year-old when it's actually her birthday, but we're celebrating someone else's.

You know what I mean? She was like, what the fuck's going on here? She kept going, it's my birthday too. And I was like, word. I know, it is. This is fucked. I don't know what to tell you. But we went to one of those like

trampoline places oh yeah fucking tramp world probably not what it's called would have to bet that that marketing didn't get through the approval process I know tramp world I bet you do

it's right next to lot lizards with Andre you have to pet the lizards I know the tramp world. I bet you do. I bet you do. It's right next to Lot Lizards with Andre. You have to pet the lizards, and then you find yourself a real tramp. But this place was so dope, man. It had one thing that was just free trampolines, like free jump. But you could go up the walls, kind of. You could bounce off the walls. And then there was one that was dodgeball. Then there was one that was basketball.

And then there was one that was anball then there was one that was basketball and then there was one that was like an obstacle course with like rope swings and shit and shay was like are you gonna do it with us it's like absolutely not oh no oh i mean first of all i was not allowed um it's like six six and up or six and under uh eventually i just oh there was a joust which was cool it was like a balance beam and then like two leg pads. So eventually I said, fuck it. And I started jousting Keegan and like I let him win a couple of times. And then one time I just went, just gave him like a whack

to the head. And he falls in the cubes and he just pops out of a, dad, be tough. Gonna hit the bench when we go home. But there was,

I was the only dad there. The girl's dad was there. Other than that, it's just me and the moms. And so, I mean, I don't ever do the parent thing. Like, I don't do the parent social thing ever. I just kind of. Also, when I'm with my kids, I want to be with my kids because I don't have them all the time.

So I'm like, I'm not here to fucking socialize with you. I'm going on a fucking trampoline over here. But, you know, I'm in, like, my barstool clothes, and I've got my shoes off. Fucking put me in, coach, put me in. I was, like, trying to play without, like, you know, getting caught. It was a whole scene. But those things are fucking awesome.

If I could go there, if I had that as a kid, oh, my God. I love how fatherhood turns everybody into Phil Dunphy. Like, you got no shot. It was like, school with Steve voice, and then I love the tramp world. Those are just two things Phil Dunphy does regularly. I thought about this a lot. Like, is it genetic? Is it just social?

Like, it happens to to everyone but it's like you know all all the dads you know are kind of corny and goofy and i don't think it's corny or goofy it's just those are the things it's probably just because where you are i don't think it's corny or goofy at all i just think it's funny that it is like i mean yes hanging out with kids makes you do childlike things yeah so yeah just check right but like in i think it's i think it's a matter of not caring too like like when you stop caring to be up and it's always different for us because like we're always going to know pop culture and new things but when you eventually stop like i don't know the new slang i don't know the new music i don't know the new oh you know it's just like whatever dude slang faf is my new favorite word. Faf. Faf. F-A-F?

F-A-F. Because it's fun as fuck. That was Faf. Yeah, that was Faf. This podcast is Faf. Funny as fuck or fun as fuck? Fun. It's fun as fuck.

Yo, Tramp World was Faf. No doubt, dude. Tramp World was Faf. Tramp World does sound Faf. This was called like Rockin' World or Rockin' Jump. Oh, I didn't even mean Tramp World as in the fake one. I meant like Rockin' Jump sounds faff.

Yeah. I didn't mean fucking hookers. I've been jumping on a trampoline. What if, hear me out, fuck hookers on a trampoline? That's why I'll do the Tempur-Pedic beds, baby. I need that bounce. I need that fucking spring to thrust you back.

I'm only doing half the work. Half the work, twice the results. Yeah, if you can... You know, if you've got a spring bed, yeah, you'll like it. Don't worry. Don't you worry, girl. It's a lot different than fucking... Fucking a tampra-beating bed is like the literal definition of pounding sand.

Dude, that's why I can't fuck on the floor, man. I can't fuck on the floor anymore. The floor is crazy. Have you fucked on the floor recently? Not anything other than, like, on my back. Yeah, okay. If you've done the work on the floor recently, it's a fucking fiasco, okay. If you've done the work on the floor recently, it's a fucking fiasco, man.

We're talking rug burns on your knees, and, like, again, there's no fucking bounce back. You can't get any rhythm. I'm tired. I mean, the bed is like PEDs, you know? It's a whole... I can't believe I ever did that. Like, the scenes in the movies where it's like, you know, we're just going to do it right here on the floor.

I'm always like, let's go to the bed. Yeah. Like I'll stop that. Can I get a pillow? I'll interrupt that and then be like, we got to go. You know, like we're going down the hall here. I'll kill the mood for a moment. And that's also dangerous for them.

You know, your dick can't be exposed to the air. I'm like, we got to get to the bed right now. Really quick. Really quick! No, don't try and get hard until we're in my room. Yeah, actually, usually that's my move. It's like, okay, if there's a chance this happens, let's move to the bed now. I can't have it exposed to any oxygen.

Gotta seal it off. Getting old sucks. You want to know something about getting old that I've done recently? And it is truly one of the greatest backfires in human history. Wow. Is what I've done. Is I...

Wait, the greatest backfire in human history is brought to you by Amazon Music. Because the people are going to stick around for that. Oh, yeah. The people are going to stick around. That's a tease right there. People are going to want to hear what John, of all people, John Feidelberg's greatest backfire in human history. Woo, baby.

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Amazon.com slash KFC. The biggest backfire of all time. John Henry. First of all, good news, bad news. Good news, the non-backfire is my fucking Botox. Botox? Can't recommend it highly enough.

I had such Botox envy. Bro. Did you guys see this? This is all you do. Really? There was like a little twitch. I'm like trying really hard right now. You got nothing.

You got nothing. You got nothing. I can't do it. Bro, it's fucking awesome. It's like my foreheads are on painkillers. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Fuck. Sorry, I just got this thing delivered. I hate to interrupt in the middle of that.

Sorry. What's up? Hi, is this Edward? Hi, this is Mr. Clancy. I'm sorry I missed your calls a couple times. He called me that first. Is it too late to drop that off still? You can come back.

Sorry to disappoint you, Mr. Clancy. Thank you. He called me Mr. Clancy, so if I said this is Kevin, he's going to be like, who the fuck are you? All right, you ready to go, Mr. Clancy? All right. As soon as the words were coming out of my mouth, I was like, oh, no.

Oh, no. I've never even considered you as a Mr. Clancy. Because he texted me. I don't consider myself that. Said, hello, Mr. Clancy. My name is Edward Fernandez. I'm like, hello, Mr. Fernandez. This is Mr. Clancy.

Say, Mr. Clancy, it's noon on a Monday. You're right, I'm in sweatpants. That is, nobody would ever say that, right? What? In real life, like, you would never say that, right? You would never introduce yourself as Mr. No. Right?

No. Well, I'm a boy. Unless you're, like, an asshole. Ask a man. No, no, but I mean even outside of preposterous people like yourself. Like, I think unless you're one of those asshole dads who are like, you'll call me Mr., you know what I mean? Oh, yeah.

I don't think anyone... I think my friends started doing it in high school. Like, call me Tom. I still... I don't do it. I still, to this day, will call... Like, I don't even talk to Alex's mom by addressing her. You know what I mean?

Because I just feel like it's super weird calling her Kim. Ah, God damn it. I was trying like it's super weird calling her Kim. Ah, God. I was trying to figure out who the fuck Alex was. That's not unusual. I was like, who's Alex? Who's mother? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I wasn't thinking coworkers.

There's so many fucking mother-daughter duos here. I know what you mean. I was thinking outside of coworker. I was like, who the fuck? I know. But what do you mean. I was thinking outside of co-work. I was like, who the fuck? What do you call... If you met somebody's parents right now, what would you do?

And then if they said call me... Which they would. It's all just a formality. For sure. What if you... Like, I remember i remember actually all my friends from high school whose parents i'm so close with i just call mom that's fucking super weird really well not like i'm not like like jokingly like oh what's up mama that kind of like hey yo mommy let me see that mama Let me see what you got there.

You call your friends' moms mama? Only at a greeting. And not like when I'm in the house. I'm like, hey, mom, can I grab something from the kitchen? But like, oh, what's up, mom? Is that weird? Yeah? Let's take a poll.

Is it weird to call your friends' parents their mom and dad? I mean, I've never done it. Never. It's not it's not it's not unusual so when you walk in it's like ding dong opens his door hey mom no not like that that's weird the way you do it dude because you do it like childlike okay childlike is weird hey mom like what's up mama hey mama not what's up hey mama and it's mama probably hey mama it's weird. Hey, mom. What's up, mama? Hey, mama. Not what's up. Hey, mama. And it's mama. Probably.

Hey, mama. It's literally two people I do it to, but yeah. Yeah. Weird. I don't think it's that weird. I know you don't. Now I do.

Now it's ruined everything. Let me... Glad I do this fucking show. How old are these moms? Oh, they're about 35. Is it 35? No. How old are these moms? Oh, they're about 35. Is it 35? No. How old do you think they are?

They're the fucking age of people who have the same age. I'm saying compared to you, are they older moms or are they younger moms? They are older than me, significantly. I know they're older than you. I'm saying like 20 years older, 30 years older. Mom age. Let's say 35 years older than me let's say they're 70 i think that makes it less weird then yeah

because if they're young and you're calling a mama yeah but i mean this is weird all around i'm gonna say we're gonna put this to a poll and i'm gonna think it's gonna be 100 100%. Is it weird to call your friend's mom, mom? I.e. door opens and you playfully say, hey mama. It is not as weird as it sounds right now. Hang on. Let me just say. To clarify, once again, it's not your mom.

Is that weird? And I'll just say, put up a poll. Yes or no? I mean, it's going to be weird. Yeah, but this is a win no matter what. I'm saying how much of a win. It's never been weird. I've done it in front of people and they're like, what the fuck is that?

You guys are all fucking wackos then. How does something like this get edited? What does this sound like when it comes out? Fuck this. Probably exactly how it went down. Really? Tighten that up.

Large swaths of silence. That we close up, usually. But the rest is there. So anyway, can Mr. Clancy proceed with the show? Where are we at? Oh, Mr. Vidalberg has to explain the biggest backfire of all time. That was so funny, though. I was like, I didn't know what to say, and you were just like,

well, this is going to be a thing. You can call me Mama. I'll call you Mr. Clancy from now on. We're getting so close to actually fucking. Hey, Mama. What's up, Mr. Clancy? Let's just fucking kiss and get it over with. Oh, for the Botox, not.

The Botox feels like my forehead's on painkillers. It is awesome. Can't, it's a little slow moving. It's a little numb. Wait, I'm sorry, what is this? The Botox on my forehead. Oh, okay, okay. It feels like my forehead's on painkillers.

It is really great. I love it. And you do this for no wrinkles, right? Bro, okay, so I tweeted this out. That's like the main thing? I tweeted this. Do you, it actually it actually like do i look different to you no like no right like exactly one thing that is tough i've noticed in masks

because what i do to say hi to people i'm wearing a mask is just eyebrow raise your eyebrows are still moving a little bit you know okay those are okay you're the middle of your forehead doesn't move it's the outside of your eyebrows that's still... Give me a little eyebrow raise. Well... Yeah. You'll see. They're, like, good enough to...

People can see that. But the middle... The middle's got no shot. You know what's so funny? That looks iconic. You know what I would love? Okay. This is a...

So they tell you when you get Botox to take progress pics every morning. Eyebrow raise and squint. So I did an iPhone slideshow. Is there major results? Like very obvious results? No way. Holy shit. You look like

God. Music is unbelievable. It's maybe the funniest piece of content ever. Looks like a brain. How many days total is it? I did it Tuesday to Saturday. It's just smooth as fuck on that one. Wow!

Wow! This is results, dog! It broke. Nothing! Smooth as fuck! I think there's one more. Yeah, that's just one. That's it? Fuck Is one more Yeah, that's this one that's it

Bro, if you got me comparing the very first eyebrow raise and last is staggered. It's crazy. We're also like Who are these people saying no, it's not weird. Oh, it's closer than I thought What the oh you're on that is wild that is that you're surprised by that too right I'm surprised at that I thought I was gonna be sound weird the way you guys all made it weird it's not weird it's like it's totally normal it's like it's not it's smooth it's like hey baby how are you like it's but it's not weird. It's totally normal. It's not. It's smooth. It's like, hey, mama. Hey, baby, how are you? But it's kind of not.

Because it's a name. It's mildly unique. I mean, I've never heard that. But mama isn't mom. Look, look, women I'm fucking can call me daddy, but I can't call my friend's mom, this motherly figure, mom. That's it. That's the argument there. People with my dick

inside them call me daddy. And it's fucking, the society accepts it. But here I am calling someone who cared for me as a child, mom. And it's like, what are you, a sicko? That mom, that woman needs to have saved your life and raised you while your mom was gone or something. There are two people who have been like, it's only two people, but I've been my close motherly type figures while I was away. I was off at boarding school often.

And they're like, what's up, mama? They took care of you in boarding school? No, that's where I slept there a lot. She was like that. So that makes a little bit of a difference

where it needs to be the absence of your real mother. She wasn't absent, but it was... Well, listen, the whole time she was like, I don't know, fuck you.

She was like, it's 530. Get the fuck out of here. The Botox... Is it bad to have wrinkles when you move your fucking face? Your answer is no until you see without wrinkles.

You're like, oh, hang on. But if my face just constantly looked like this, not when I'm raising my eyebrows, if it was just wrinkled like that and I got the shots, would it then smooth it out? So that makes sense. Once you're old and you have permanent wrinkles, Botox will get rid of those.

Well, actually, I don't know the answer. I think it prevents it because it never happens to begin with. So the wrinkle lines are never getting there. You're never developing them. I don't know the answer, but I know what it does is it relaxes muscles. Because they were telling me people with gummy smiles,

they will put them like, they get the Botox here is it relaxes muscles. Because they were telling me, like, people with gummy smiles, they will put them, like, they get the Botox here. Because it paralyzes muscles. Your mouth stays flat. So the mouth doesn't bring up high. TMJ, like me, it relaxes the tension in your jaw muscles. So it's all kinds of shit like that. But I don't know. But the answer, anyway, the point of this is I backfired.

Because I decided I was going to better myself. Okay? Mm-hmm. I backfired because I decided I was going to better myself I decided I'm going to subscribe to the New Yorker 42 bucks for the year I believe great deal unbelievable deal and I said I'm going to start reading it's a weekly publication

weekly publication and it comes back and uh the the I was like I'm gonna start doing I'm gonna read shit on

fucking current events oh I'm gonna fucking you're gonna become Mr. Fiddle I'm gonna do like I'm gonna do fucking crossword puzzles

and and for the first one read it front to back. Did the crossword. Fucking unbelievable. Felt great. I was cloud nine. I'm a genius.

By 2022, I'm going to be fucking smart. Now, and that happened exactly one time. Now, I just get a book thrown at me every week like read this and then guess what I don't read it next week read that I'll read that

and then now I have three New Yorkers in my fucking mailbox I have tried I can't even look them in the eye because I tried to do the crossword puzzle fucking mailbox i have tried i can't even look him in the eye because i right i tried i tried to do the crossword puzzle i got one i got one thing i'm cheating in the crossword puzzle by myself in my barb i'll just google it and then just just typing it out i can't i was gonna read about belarus this week it was like 10 pages. Fucking had to pass that.

I bought something in order to feel smarter, and I've never felt dumber in my life. It is like, it is like. And you got what, like 38 to go? I got about, yeah, more than that. I'd say I'm about two months in, maybe. Right? It is. Every single week, I am reminded now, oh, you thought you were smart?

You're a fucking moron. You're a fucking idiot you get anxiety about the idea of reading six magazine pages you fucking worthless piece of shit that's what that's what the new yorker sits in my mailbox and tells me every day i'm like a i was a like a decent high school athlete who tried to get on the field with the fucking boston celtics get on the court the boston real reality check and they're like. I'm going to put my fucking nuts on your head, you fucking scumbag. You thought you were going to be able to show up

at some swanky events and be like, oh, have you guys heard about the revolution in Belarus? Instead, you're like, what's a four-letter word for a dog with a smile? It is. And the articles I've read, Jake Paul.

Oh, yeah. I'm sure. Anything you did pick out. I know that. Yeah, Jake Paul boxes. I can follow the words in this fucking thing. Dude, it is pathetic. I am fucking, I am worthless.

Yeah, but it's not. Take me outside and fucking shoot me in the head because I provide nothing to this world. You provide zero utility. Bro, I have stooped below the ability to read. I can't. and shoot me in the head because I provide nothing to this world. You provide zero utility. Bro, I have stooped below the ability to read. I can't, it's like,

what am I going to fucking read? I wanted to and that's the thing, I want to. I want to be a better man. I want to be so much better than I am and it's just

impossible. It's not on the cards. It's just not on the cards for you, dude. Bro, I paid $42 to try and be better. You got the poison injected in your face. That's seriously a step.

You don't look as wrinkly. How about that? Is that good? Yeah. It's better than all that and wrinkly. You know? I guess. I guess that's right.

What you need is some sort of injections to make you not dumb. Yeah. Nanotech is what I need. Yeah, we need some of that shit. The, yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Well, rest in peace to Nancy Reagan. An all-time great. A throat goat. R.I.P. It's brought to you by Whistlepig Whiskey. We have it right here. Whistlepig Rye and the Piggyback Cocktails. Let me tell you something.

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And you can go to piggy back, piggy back, rye smash.com piggyback, rye smash.com gets mashed. So RIP to Nancy Reagan, the throat goat. And let's talk a little rough and rowdy. We had a big event this weekend. Jersey Jerry.

Oh, real quick on Nancy Reagan one more time. The funny thing was I thought Twitter was being racist because they kept saying Ben Shapiro's sister. And I thought that was just the term for lame white girl. It's actually his sister. Nancy Reagan? No, classically Abby. The person who sent the original tweet was actually Ben Shapiro's sister.

Yeah, that makes sense. What a family. I thought it was like a lame white chick, but Ben Shapiro's sister. The Shapiro household at fucking Thanksgiving? Jesus Christ almighty. Rough and rowdy. Jersey Jerry wins the grudge match, albeit an ugly fight.

Yeah, I don't think anyone really won that one. No. I mean, there was a winner, but, you know, it wasn't much of a spectacle. It was. But I never like to talk shit about anybody. No. Because I always say to everybody who fought, fought even the villains if they're on the wrong side of things i always say to anybody as somebody who like started the company here and rough and rowdy

such a big initiative for us i give props to anybody who steps in the ring and helps the company i give props to everyone who steps in the ring 100 props all that stuff i don't i'm i'm not a boxer i'm not gonna be like I'm not going to be like, whatever. It's entertainment. Purely entertainment. I do think it's funny when after fights, everyone's like, that's a warrior. He came home from a tour of duty. He did 18 months

in Fallujah. Bro, we went to the gym for a month. Yeah. He jumped some rope. And he had the lightboxer. We got respect. We got respect. The warrior's like, I don't know, man. Whatever. I don't know. I can't talk. I respect the Warriors. I don't know, man. Whatever. I don't know. I can't talk.

I wasn't there. I don't know. But you are. From an outsider, it sometimes gets a little silly. Yeah. And if they're in on it. But that's part of the pageantry and the dramatics of boxing is that happens. Everyone afterwards is like they went through a war together,

and there's respect afterwards. It's Rocky and Apollo. Bro, I fuck longer than that fight. And I don't fuck long. And I don't fuck long. Well, the shortest fight of the night. Are those fights shorter or longer than the thong song? That's probably about even.

I don't know why the thong song was the second thing to mind. Well, did you know the thong song? With the breaks. Not with the breaks. Not with the breaks. Not with the breaks? Yeah. Because the breaks are what? 30 seconds?

Yeah. Oh, the breaks are only 30 seconds? I think they're a minute. Okay. I think it's a minute. Thong song's 412. Oh, man. So hammer the over on thong song.

Thong song's longer than the whole fight. But now, how about like, Damn It by Blink-182? That's a fucking shorter one. Damn It is 244. As are every song. That's still one of the most rough and rowdy fights. Yeah, well, that's the thing. So the shortest fight of the night we had

was Dr. Big Booty Daddy, or whatever his name was. He just walloped on some dude's face, quick work, turned his nose into hamburger meat, and then afterwards gave the most aggressive dx dick chops did the old school to the fucking crowd a hundred times then did the like riding the pony and then did like the you know figurative dog style. And that speech he delivered afterwards.

Like, Caleb said, like, what was the most disrespectful part? Like, before, during, or after? And he just goes, fuck you to all these fucking inbred fucks. You can suck my dick. Just like, woo! And this guy is like fake tan, guido looking, like, northeast, big city guy. Could not be more polar opposite of West Virginia. Just telling all into suck his dick that he's going to fuck Bobby Lang's

wife. And he's got to eat her pussy like hungry, hungry hippos, which is a nice thing. Yeah. That's almost like, you know, I don't know.

You don't want anybody eating your wife's pussy, but you know, I don't want a wife who's pussy. You don't want to eat. True. And also just means, you know, I'm going to suck your husband's dick you don't want to eat. True. And also just means... I'm going to suck your husband's dick. Yeah, my husband's hot.

I'm going to eat your wife's pussy. Yeah, she's hot. You're goddamn right you want to eat that pussy. You're going to come through me first, bro. That guy... Absolute electric factory. That was one of the better... I mean, fuck you.

Yeah, that was the thing. He kept running at people. He wanted to wrestle. Bobby Lang can throw hands. Bobby Lang's going to kill them. I'm cool with that. And I hope Bobby Lang does a great celebration right in his fucking face. Nah, he'll just walk off again like Tom Hardy in Warrior.

100%. Just take care of business. So, Big Booty Daddy Man again like Tom Hardy in Warrior. 100%. Just take care of business. Big booty daddy man or whatever. Good for you. Watching the boxing... The sport of boxing, I think, has grown because of

Ruff and Rowdy and celebrity boxing. Like you said, everybody's now a fucking boxing expert. Yeah. No, you're not. none of this is true that and also uh i don't want to be i don't want to rain on the parade i don't want to be a debbie downer here but this formula one revolution's gotta stop oh i can't do it and i I know Logan and a couple guys here are F1 fans that have been trying to grow the sport. And I know there was that Netflix series.

That's what did it. It's Netflix. Yeah, and there was a Hemsworth movie, wasn't there? Rush. Rush. But that didn't do anything. No. But I mean, the fact that there's blockbuster movies.

But that was like 10, 15 years ago. Oh, well, no. That one's about 10 years old, but it just started gaining relevance in like the last five years. I think when it got put on Netflix. Now, Ford versus Ferrari was not F1. No. But it's also like NASCAR racing, like box cars.

No, it's like... It's like race cars. Yeah, I don't know. Because that was cool. It's like McLaren. It's Need for Speed. Yeah, I don't know. Because that was cool. It's like a McLaren. It's need for speed. Right, right. Well, all right.

But so anyway. And I don't have a problem with F1. I've actually long said a lot of times when people are like, who would you trade lives with? Lewis Hamilton is almost like my number one answer. These guys are like racing fast cars along the cliffs of Monaco with women draped over them while they make zillions of dollars. Dude, he just sold a $40 million apartment he's never been in.

He never went in it. That's awesome. And he also owns another $40 million apartment on the same block. Yeah, I mean, we're talking. He had $80 million of property within spitting distance. They're talking like legitimate God status. Have you ever seen those F1 cars hit a deer? No.

It's an old viral video. It's just shredded. It goes out of frame. Pull it up, please. Yeah. While we... That's old internet. Okay.

This is some internet 1.0 shit. Is this on purpose? Oh! Whoa! Because you know why? It's got that like... I'm surprised it did like no damage to the car whatsoever is this real

yeah it doesn't really be like blood and shit like that like that looks funny it's just like goes flying through the sky I just I can't add another thing to fucking talk about and know about. We're maxed out with sports.

I had to add MMA to some extent, you know. I can't do F1. Everyone's an F1 specialist and everyone knows and everyone's like Lewis Hamilton versus Verstappen versus whoever and Mercedes this and whoever that. I will say the – I was – I'm always down to learn something new. Me too. I'm down to clown.

However, when I – I saw all the chaos tweets. All – like my whole thread was like caps locks. Like this is crazy, wild. And I finally saw the highlight and I was like, oh, that's not interesting. It was. I thought something crazy was going to come. You're talking about the stewards and shit. I'm like, I just don't have the bandwidth for this. The passing itself was like, I don't know.

Unless you're really into the sport, like you've been following it, fine. But the hipsters who are joining, you can go ahead and do that, but you just have to acknowledge that See, this is the pollution of a word You can't be a hipster and you're joining this late Yeah, you're right, that's not hipster That's, yeah, it's more like bandwagon

Yeah, you're a follower It's a fine line because the hipsters would be like No, you can't watch F1 and it's like, you should want your sport to grow and people to learn. I just,

if you're new and you're a bandwagon, you have to act accordingly. I think, you can't be like, you know, you can't be like devastated that Lewis Hamilton

got fucked over or whatever. You know what I mean? Yeah. You've been watching for 45 seconds. It's, I guess,

I've never seen the show either so this is, this segment of the podcast is two people who've seen nothing talking about everything and that's the way it should be you can't watch a documentary and just become a fan of everything

this is not enough time in the world you don't have enough I guess maybe you learn more about the sport as you're watching the documentary I don't know it's a lot I've had the opportunity to jump on this bandwagon have enough... I guess maybe you learn more about the sport as you're watching the documentary. I don't know, but it is... It's a lot. I've had the opportunity to jump on this bandwagon.

I've noticed it happening for a while and I said I'm pissed. I'll get you guys later. I'll catch you on the next lap, perhaps. But this one's... I don't know. If I can go to the F1 Grand Prix in the Amalfi Coast... Oh, I can like go to the F1 Grand Prix

in the Amalfi Coast oh you want to go to Monaco yeah yeah that I can get down with but I'm certainly not gonna

sit there and watch you know a few hundred laps or whatever like everything I won't embrace it until it's actually popular not when

30 people are tweeting about it once something reaches actual popularity because you know what it is it's just like we would

we would have a long time ago. Yeah. You know, it's like you grow up, you've learned some things, you've watched some sports, that's what you're into. Had the chance. Don't. I mean, the pass is not that impressive at all. I didn't, I didn't, even the people, the commentators were going crazy. I didn't see it.

You know, I'm sure maybe you need to know about the racing. It is, the only thing I will say. They also, they're not going that fast, it doesn't seem. Well, about the racing they're not going that fast it doesn't seem well on the turns they're not but if I was ever to get into racing it's this shit over NASCAR every day of the week though

do you like how slow they go? these guys go so fucking fast look at that it looks like it's in fast motion when they hit it is he passing it? oh there's the pass fucking fast. Look at that. It looks like it's in fast motion when they hit it. Did he pass it yet? Oh, there's the pass.

It's alright. I mean, how else would you pass somebody? Isn't that just it? Yeah, that's just the sport. And I'm sure there's guys who are just like ROAR! What do you mean? Well, so that was our expert analysis of Formula One racing. It's time for the real sports analysts of the program, who is so excited to do this today.

She loves her fans. She knows her fans need her. And so she is ready here to deliver. What's wrong with you today? I just don't like the segment. I don't like football. It's stupid to watch every week. I don't get it.

I don't understand what's going on. Every time I think I know what's going on, I don't know what's going on. I thought I knew it. And then everybody's talking like, oh, the best in the AFC West and East. There's so many. Can you just rank them? One, two. I keep trying to find rankings. And I just want one, two it's, there's so many. Like, can you just rank them? One, two, I keep trying to find rankings, and it's just, I just want one, two, three, four.

I don't want AFC East, I don't want AFC West. So what they do is they break it into two, and then they break those two down. Don't. Just give it to me so much easier. It doesn't need to be that complicated. So I just don't understand it. But anyways, sorry. But for the people.

But for the people. But for the people. But for the people. It's week 15. 14? 15? 14. Three minutes on the clock. Jacked up.

Jacked up. Okay. The Jets, that mean nothing to, I'm sorry, it's like you guys lost, of course. Can you imagine, look how fed up you are about how boring the Jets are, right? No, I could not imagine. And you've been watching for 10 weeks, you know? Can you imagine people who watch? You should absolutely get a new team.

I'm telling every Jets fan right now, find a new team. That's your homework. That's crazy. That's crazy. Okay, but there's some drums this week. See, look at it. That's your homework. That's crazy. That's crazy. Okay, but there's some drums this week. See, look at it. She's getting going. Yeah, yeah.

No, this week was like a little, like there was some fun little drama. So the Raiders and the Bears. The Raiders, they started and they like danced on the Bears logo and they stomped on it. And then they ended up losing. The Raiders and the Bears? Did you say Bears? I did say that and is that wrong? Yes. Chiefs. This is a stupid fucking sport. Okay. The Raiders and the Chiefs.

So they, oh yes, they went on the Chiefs and then they won. No, the Chiefs then smoked them and it was like 43-9, which is a new term that I learned, a score-a-gami. Ah! Score-a-gami.

I got an issue with score-a-gami. It happens too often. It happens like every week is score-a-gami. It's crazy. It's the first time in NFL history that scores happen. 43-9? Is that that crazy? I don't know if I got the... Yeah, 439.

But similarly, the Bears, who played the... No, the... Packers! Oh! I forgot where I was going with this. The Bears didn't look good.

I did bet the Bears first half, though. Oh, yeah. Whatever. So what happened in the beginning of that game? Oh, there's another term that I keep. It's not a term, but they say it's a two half. The tale of two halves. Yeah.

I don't know. A two half story. The best of times Halves Yeah It's a two half I don't know The two half A two half story The best of times The worst of times Right? Yep The Tale of Two Cities

Cities Romeo and Juliet So No Romeo and Juliet What is it then? The Tale of Two Cities One's Charles Dickens

Correct? Yes Yeah One's William Shakespeare Yeah Okay so Okay whatever Old books Old books Yeah yeah yeah Um Um Charles Dickens, correct? Yes. Yeah. One is William Shakespeare. Okay, so. Okay, whatever. Old books.

Old books. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot where I was going with this again. Oh, oh, oh. Then the, somebody was bragging. The Bears were bragging. No, the, okay, the Packers. Okay, sorry.

The Bears sacked Aaron Rodgers, right? No, no. Aaron. The Bears sacked Aaron Rodgers, right? No, no. Aaron, the Bears sacked Aaron Rodgers, and then they did a dance. Yeah. They did the dance, and then they ended up winning. Packers ended up coming back the second half, the tale of two halves. Okay, and then another funny little celebration was the teabagging. Joey Bosa.

Joey Bosa. Chargers. The one whoever they played. But he's not on the Chargers. He's on the. No. No, he is on the Chargers. And then he was doing a little teabagging dance, which is a halo dance.

And that's what I know. And the Chargers won. And then... Can you guys ask me about a game? Because I can't think of anything else. I'll tell you about the Bucs. The Bucs played the Bills. Oh.

Tom Brady. The Bills did not play well. But then. But then they did. But then they did. But then. Did they? Yeah.

It was an embarrassing first half where the coach was. It was a tale of two halves. It was a tale of two halves. Yeah. It was a tale of two halves where the Bills coach was reportedly crying at halftime. He was like actually crying? He was struggling. Showing real emotion.

He was showing real emotion and struggling with words to Tracy Wolfson, who's a sideline reporter. And then the Bills came out in the second half and. Then they scored. They scored a bunch of times. A bunch of times. But. And they went. Not enough.

Oh, because it was overtime. Then there was an overtime. Oh, this is right. And what did Tom Brady do in overtime? What does Tom Brady always do in overtime? He always scores in overtime. He always scores. Oh, because.

Oh, wait. Oh. Field goal to tie it up right before like a minute something left. And then they scored a field goal, and then they went into overtime, and Brady does his thing in overtime. Brady is now 33-3 against the Buffalo Bills with one or two of those losses coming in games he started

but didn't finish because it was the end of the season. And technically this was his 700th touchdown? That was his 700th touchdown. Including the playoffs. I was like, wait a minute, we just celebrated like 500 or 600. What's happening? We had a 700, but including playoffs. 700th career pass. Go. Go.

How about... There was something else. Last... Oh, Trevor Lawrence played bad. He's bad. Trevor Lawrence... not good. I don't know what EPA means. It's an advanced stat. I don't know exactly what it stands for.

I'm going to guess it's expected pass something. Accuracy. And EPA explains it. Perhaps you figured this one out. Expected points added. The expected points added. Expected points added. Mack Jones led rookie quarterbacks in that stat this week. I mean, this is a good stat.

He didn't play. The Patriots had a bye week. Got it. His expected points added was zero. Everyone else's was negative. Football's stupid. Jackie, was negative. Football's stupid. Jackie, I agree. Football's stupid.

I feel ya. Fucking jacked up. Week 14 in the books. Jacked up! How about a little bonus round? Jacked up explains the romance between Romeo and Juliet. I kind of felt like that was maybe coming. Okay. Jacked Up explains the romance between Romeo and Juliet. I kind of felt like that was maybe coming.

Okay. This one I think I could do. Go off, queen. Romeo and Juliet. The Tale of Two Cities. So Romeo and Juliet meet Yep This is where I realize I think I know and I'm like

I'm not realizing that I don't So they meet and then they fall in love And then Romeo is like Oh Juliet's on the balcony And then Romeo comes and gets Oh okay so their families are rivals.

Right. Their families are... The tale of two fam... What is... There was something about Romeo and Juliet that is the tale of two whatever. Well, there's two families. Okay, so there's two families. Do you know the families?

The... Juliet's last name? Juliet's last name is Smith. Juliet Smith. So it's the Smith family, and Romeo's last name is Smith. Juliet Smith. So it's the Smith family and Romeo's last name is the Romeo Romeo

Romeo Adams. So the Smith family and the Adams family. So the Adams family. The Adams family is actually based off of Romeo's. Right, right. Do the Smith family and Adams family the accident is actually based off of Romeo's right right okay

so and do the Smith family and Adams families they get along no they don't that's the whole thing and so then they can't be together but then they fall in love

and it's a forbidden love and then Juliet kills herself and I'm cut right to the chase we just went right to it and then and then Romeo sees and then Romeo thinks that she's dead,

so then Romeo kills himself. Jar, for both. And then... For both. But then Romeo's like, no, I skipped it a lot. Okay, Romeo sees and then Juliet wakes up

because she hadn't actually, she had just taken from the Pope guy or whatever. He'd given her this potion and then it made her look dead and seem dead. Yeah. I don't understand. She should have conferred with him first because then he saw. Probably should have given him a heads up probably should have given him a heads up

should have given him a heads up but it was a good plan I actually like feel like it's that's she went through with it like she did kill herself she was down to ride

yeah and then he kills himself and then she wakes up and then she's like so sad that she kills herself and I guess that's the end just jars everywhere

yeah jars everywhere. Yeah, jars everywhere. How romantic, huh? Yeah. Do you think it's romantic if a guy killed himself for you? Would you think that's romantic? No. I would prefer for him to be alive, obviously. And, but I do like

big gestures, so I would It's a pretty grand gesture. Maybe some would say the ultimate. You know what? I could get down with it. Give me an example of a big gesture you would like. What? Give me an example of a big gesture that you would like. Or have experienced

before. Oh, a boy wrote me a song. Oh, right. And he's saying it for me. That's right. Don't we have access to this song? Oh, I did. I did.

Yeah. So let's get access to that. I cannot get access to that song. Why not? Because I don't know where it is. Now, you'll be fired if you don't. I would like to not have contact with this boy. Anything short of it was an actual danger, you have to have contact with this boy and get this song. You can have a friend reach out to him.

Fucking I'll reach out to him. No, I will get this song, but it's going to be... We're also going to need the rights to it. Give, I can call him. I will get this song, but it's going to be... We're also going to need the rights to it. Give him to sign the paperwork. Can you give me a taste of it? You have to sing it. Well, I'd prefer if you sang it, but...

It was something along the lines of like, I mean, obviously, Jackie, you're so beautiful. Jackie, will you come to homecoming with me? Jackie, I forget what it was, but I'll get the rights to it. No, you don't. She knows everything. No, I don't. Did you come to homecoming with me? Jackie. I forget what it was, but I'll get the rights to it. No, you don't. Or I'll get the rights to it.

She knows everything. No, I don't. Did you go to homecoming? What? Did you go to homecoming with me? I did go to homecoming with him. You did? Because it was a big gesture.

It was a big gesture. And I like big gestures. Other than that, yeah, nobody's really been... Too nice to you. Too nice to me at all. So the first guy who kills himself for me. You're in. You got the lip bite him.

For anybody who watched the KFC Radio vlog this week, you'll know this story, but I encourage everybody to go watch it if they haven't because seeing it in real time and watching Jackie explain it is unbelievable. So that was part of what the promo was last night that made no sense, Babs. That was the worst

promo ever made. I left the movie to go watch that. I paid for a movie. I left the movie to go watch that promo and I was like I'm going to go back in and watch it. But what did I say? Because I nailed it.

Because I didn't remember what was going on. So I was like, that promo sucks. But I was like, I bet it's a good story. And he knows it's a good story. So he wants to use that to tease it. And when you know where it's going, it's good. If you don't know where it's going, it's the worst promo. So we cut that out because it was

just a promo of me being like, so yeah, had a bad night, huh, Jackie? And it's worth the price of admission. This clip in the vlog, Jackie and her friend met two dudes from Bumble. No, no. I need to frame that better. Her friend had

a date set up on Bumble. He brought a blind date for Jackie. So these two girls are at the bar waiting for these guys to show up. And they walk in. And they scan the bar. They see them. They go right to the bathroom. And then they walk out.

The guys? They just walk out on them. And Jackie and her friend were extremely humbling. That'll bring you down to your knees. Here's the thing. They were in the bathroom for 15 minutes, and there was something that happened in that bathroom. How packed was the bar?

How did you know they walked in? You could see the door, I guess? We could see the door. They had a direct view of us, and they saw us. That is a good question. How packed was the bar? I never asked that. Was it crowded like, crowded?

We looked around for any excuse. Like, any excuse. We were the only two girls. Like, everybody else was coupled up in the bar. It was so obvious. Like, they came in and they just had to have seen us. And so then they go to the bathroom for, like, 15 minutes. And we're like, okay, what's going on there?

And you know what? Just taking turns switching who's shitting. No, then we were like, the only answer is either they, like, were doing drugs and took bad drugs or something. Yeah. Or they, like, shit their pants and, like, went straight to the bathroom. Or, like, they they were just ugly. There's no other explanation. Were they ugly?

Were you guys? They were not. Well, that was the big discussion here. We were hotter than them. I'm sorry, but at the end of the day, and even if they were hotter than us, you still don't, we're both cute enough

where it's like you don't just instantly be like, oh my God. We have to leave. you and your friend confirmed are not run out of a bar ugly thank you thank you that's that's a lot we are yeah apparently you are you ever think that you ever think that just then listen there are different lids for every pot and maybe some guys out there look at you and her and they go, woof. No, these guys, uh-uh. Were they tall? I'm not buying it. No. They were short. They weren't short, but they were of average size. Five?

I don't know. We got such a little scan of them. Maybe five, maybe five ten, five eleven. Oh, alright. But then this weekend, so then I'm talking to another Hinge guy

and then we had FaceTime for the first time and then cause I was like drunk and I just was FaceTiming everybody so then I like

FaceTimed him what a nightmare and then he instantly that's fucking true love Jesus Christ hangs up and I was like I was like

oh my god I am an ugly person I was literally like wait okay like like let's let's do it. Pretend, okay? You call me.

I call you. Okay, so I'm like, hey, Jackie. Yes. And you say? I just say, where are you? Let's meet up. And I just went, boop. And then it was like he was saying something and then just hangs up.

And I was like, I'm going to throw myself off this fucking building right now. Jar. A jar. Was he potentially with another girl? No. So then, here's what happened. He hung up because he couldn't hear. He was in a crowded room.

And then he proceeded to text me like 40 times. So we're good. But there was a point there where I was legitimately like, nobody told me I was ugly. I was like, it has to be the new lips. Like ever since I've gotten these lips, like rejected after rejected after rejected. And then it was all good. But like there was a period there where I was ready to jar it.

Down bad. Listen, you know, New York City is a different animal. No, it's... You could be like a Northern California tan and you come to New York and you're just an ugly girl with lips hard out here for a bitch what an edition of Jacked Up alright top fives today is brought to you

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That's C-U-T-S clothing.com slash clancy. Get 15% off right now. Uh, and get it in time for the holidays. It's cuts clothing.com slash Clancy top five Christmas movies. It's a big one. People get passionate about this. Is it a Christmas movie?

Is it not? Is it good? Is it old? Is it new? It's all passionate about this. Bob Fox said, if it snows in a movie, I call it a Christmas movie.

Which, over the years, this is one of those things I've been saying this a lot recently, how I've come to learn that there are new crops of internet fans and podcast fans, and you have to do these arguments again. And in the past, I used to really stick firm, and it is kind of, eventually you eventually you gotta soften on it

I don't think Die Hard is a Christmas movie but I'm not gonna fucking get riled up but for the sake of fun fuck that it's not a Christmas movie but I really can't get too bent out of shape about it anymore do you think it's a Christmas movie? I do now

I think the argument made it a Christmas movie you think so? because now it's just so movie? I do now. I think the argument made it a Christmas movie. You think so? Well, now, because now it's just so associated with Christmas movies that it's, you know, even if you're saying no,

it's like, but we talk about it every fucking Christmas season and it's, it's, yeah, it's a Christmas movie. If you spoke it into existence.

But in a vacuum, it's not. In a vacuum, probably not. Honestly, I can't separate from Christmas now. It might be the number one

Christmas movie. Yeah, because everybody talks about it. And I was legitimately stunned. I remember one time, this is years ago. The tweet's probably still up. I was out at a bar with Jamie, your doll, and her friend back in Boston. And we were just talking about Christmas movies.

And they were like, oh, Home Alone's my favorite. And I was like, Home Alone's a Christmas movie? And I was shocked by that because I just thought of it as – this is probably 10 years ago. You're an idiot. And the – Josh Hart tried to make that argument this season. It wasn't even – I wasn't even anti it. It just wasn't how it registered in my brain.

I wasn't like, you're an idiot. It wasn't that time of the internet yet. It was like, how the fuck dare you disagree with what I think of movies? It was just like, wait, that's a Christmas movie? Because I thought of it as a kid's playful movie. And then so many people got so mad at me that I was like, all right. So now that's also an exceptional Christmas movie. Well, but that is.

My thing is, if you can take it out of Christmas and have the same movie, it's not a Christmas movie. And you can do that for a lot of different shows, for a lot of different movies, but not really. In Home Alone, it's not only integral to the plot of why they're traveling as a family, and where they were going, and

part of the season, the actual weather, the season matters. And then like the not tangible part of like it's about the Christmas spirit and your family and giving and forgiveness and old man Marley and his kids and Kevin learning about his family and all that shit. Like, yeah, I guess you could learn about your family and become, you know, the same thing with It's a Wonderful Life. It's like, I don't know, what's that guy's name? What's his name in A Wonderful Life?

I don't know, that fucking guy in A Wonderful Life. He could have had some revelation about his family in the middle of summer, you know? Yeah, back in 2012. 2012, I got ratioed. 36 responses, two retweets. The OG ratio. I was the original ratio.

The OG ratio. That's what I mean. I didn't even try to say ratio. I was the original ratio. The OG ratio. That's what I mean. I didn't even try to say it. I was just like, this is important. I thought I was stunned. Anyone agree with that? I think everyone's like, hey, you fucking idiot. This is Christmas.

The season of perpetual hope. I mean, so much of it relies on Christmas, whereas like, Jai Hard truly could, you could have a fucking shoot him up-up in a high-rise in the middle of the summer. It wouldn't really matter. Yeah. So that, to me, I think is a pretty clear distinction of, like, does the Christmas – It could be the son's birthday or the kid's birthday. Sure.

That's why he's coming to visit with presents. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a little bit of a, you know, family tie theme throughout it, but, like, it could just be his birthday. It's why you're bringing his birthday it's why you're bringing presents that's why you're kind of sprucing it up with a limo right i forget why he has a limo but yeah yeah right but yeah you sent the limo for him that's that's it wouldn't

change the movie and yeah you could you could you can make this switch in any movie but it's like why you know people have these big like family emotional moments in the holiday season. So, like, that sort of stuff matters. And I don't know if there's really an argument for many other things. It's really just, like, that movie, and then some people try to extend it to Home Alone. But fuck that. I got one. I'm going to say it.

Whether or not it's a Christmas movie or you're drafting it. I know it's not. I know the movie didn't get mad. I don't fucking care. You're saying it is a Christmas movie? Yeah. What is it? Harry Potter. Harry Potter? get mad I don't fucking care You're saying it is a Christmas movie? Yeah What is it? Harry Potter

Harry Potter? Yeah I don't know enough about it It's got like a 10 minute Christmas dinner scene in it Christmas movie Yeah Christmas Christmas occurs

That's one that's become Look at that It's become a debate Harry Potter Sorcerer's Stone has become a debate But I just love Harry Potter movies And I wish I did I just don. But I just love Harry Potter movies. I wish I did.

I just don't like them. I fuck Harry Potter big time. I love that shit. So Sorcerer's Stone is the first one. I watched it last night and so now I'm going to watch,

I'm going to go on a tear for the rest of them now. Well, it's Christmas so you've got to watch Harry Potter. I think... Yeah, that's a Christmas ass scene, man.

That's a Christmas ass scene, dude. I think, I don't know, I think Lord of the Rings is a Christmas movie. Yeah? They, you know, gave him the ring as a gift. So it's a Christmas season. No pagan symbolism there, Kevin.

All right, top five. You want to go first? I'll go first. Number one. Jingle All the Way. The motherfucking way. One of those movies. Phil Hartman any

other Christmas movies didn't think no suck my ass jingle all the way is the Adrian Beltre of Christmas movies like used to be left out and forgotten and no one

brought it up and the person who was like jingle all the way is a classic that you forgot about he's actually fucking great he should be in the Hall of Fame now it's

it's that was we know not one I never forget that was that one that's He should be in the Hall of Fame. Now, it's – That's not one I'll ever forget. That one – that's not like a – yes, the sound of play is a huge thing here. Bro, I'm telling you, your forehead is just so smooth, dude. It's just so smooth. I'm so jealous. Me and my fucking sausage hot dog pack forehead. Look at this hot dog pack. Look at it.

As smooth as can be. Bullshit. All because I missed Botox Day at school. But this was one I was obsessed with as a kid. A lot of this is just like all debates and stuff like that. So much of it becomes just what you've heard that you end up like. Everything from here on out probably will be pieces of things I've heard here and there.

This Jingle All The Way was my movie as a kid. Jingle All The Way is the best movie that captures the... Actually, no, not true. My next one will be, too. The toy frenzy is...

Yeah. ...is one that's not... There's a new movie out this holiday season called 8-Bit. It's with Doogie Howser, Neil Patrick Harris. Uh-huh.

And it's about... He's telling a story to his daughter in present day about 1986 or whatever, 1989. Interesting concept for Neil Patrick Harris to use. Right. It's all about him trying to get Nintendo. It's alright. It's not that great.

It's cute. It's a bit of Christmas nostalgia, but it's all about the frenzy of trying to get Nintendo and how people thought it was bad for you and bad for kids and all that shit. Jingle All The Way is the premier Turbo Man. Fucking Schwarzenegger, Sinbad,

Phil Hartman. Remember that Conan bit where he would always talk about Jingle All The Way? You know that, Nick? No? He would be the only one. He would always end up going, My smash! My smash! Jingle All The Way! And Conan would be like, he would be the only one. He would always end up going, My smash! My smash! The hit jingle all the way! And Conan would be like,

Fuck, here we go again. Anyway, it's a classic. It's a hit. Phil Hartman, Arnold, Sinbad. Yeah. Wrecking ball. Fuck out of here. Hold on.

Need I even talk? Yeah. The thing about Home Alone, and I learned it this year because I wanted my kids to watch. My kids watch Frosty. They watch the Santa Claus. They watch Elf.

Those three. They love those. Because it's like Elf right away. It's funny, big giant with the little elves and it's like a little kids movie right away. Home Alone the fun slapstick physical comedy does not start until one hour and six

minutes into the movie because they are setting the scene of like here's the cops or you know here's the robber playing as the cop. That was another thing. This Christmas season it was only one person that went viral enough. That's the invasion right? Like there's like the race like the race through town when he sees him buying the toothbrush that's. Yeah there's all that shit building up to it. That's the invasion, right? There's like the race through town when he sees him buying a toothbrush. Yeah, there's all

that shit building up to it. But that's at an hour? No, no, no. That's like a little physical. Agreed. But you mean like the full invasion. The house, yeah. The cop's like, you know, the clock strikes 9 o'clock and he's like, I must defend this house. That is at an hour and six minutes. There was somebody this year that

tweeted out a picture of Joe Pesci and said, how old were you when you realized that the cop in the beginning of Home Alone is the robber dressed up? And everyone was like, I don't know, about eight years old in 1990. Oh, I wasn't that age. What? I wasn't that age. Oh, yeah.

I mean, I don't remember. I don't remember when I was eight. But there was never a – The first time that went around was the time I realized. Really? Yeah. I think so. I don't know. You know, he smiles and the gold tooth goes bling, and then, like, as a cop, he's like,

hey, kid, and he smiles and got the gold tooth. Maybe I'm misremembering this. Maybe I'm thinking of the Jumanji one, where it's like, when did you realize that? That one's different, because that one is a little more subtle, and I'm pretty sure the Jumanji one where it's like when did you realize that? That one's different because that one is a little more subtle and I'm pretty sure you remember this dude.

I don't know. I definitely didn't realize it the first time I watched it. The first time I watched this movie I was a fucking baby. Agreed. Agreed. I don't know if I

I don't think I can't remember my first reaction to this movie ever but like that's he's casing the joint. He's learning what's there you know.

He's asking about the security system and all that shit. I learned pretty quickly. You are an idiot, so maybe this is possible for you. But it takes an hour and six minutes to get into it because they're laying the scene, man. They're building it up. And Macaulay Culkin is one of the greatest child actors of all time. He carries that whole movie by his fucking self.

It's a fucking masterpiece. Two, Santa Claus. Big Santa Claus guy as well. That would be my second pick. Santa Claus is. It's funny. It's great because adults can watch it too. Yeah.

The jokes about Neil. I'm hijacking this for you because I've watched it ten times in the last three days. But the way he clowns Neil is so fucking funny. When he's like, oh, are you going to go to your mom's? She goes, no, we're going to Neil's house. He goes, oh, Christmas at the Pound. Oh, man. It's so good.

The things I relate to more are the fast weight gains and things like that. But really, those are the ones I like. The loneliness and the fat weight canes. Yeah, right on. You know what's really funny, too? Hot children. Little, little. Judy was 1,000 years old, but she looks like she was 12.

Yeah, my kind of movie. The subtle little things in the movie that are funny. You know they call it barely legal, Judy. Just working on that hot cocoa recipe. Super legal, but also. In the very beginning, they're at a Christmas party, a corporate Christmas party. And he's like, just want to thank you guys. Like, you know, we know.

What did he say? He said something like, oh, we know that like we make you work hard. And I think it's something like this. We know that you're working hard throughout the year, and you don't get much time with your family. And that's probably why Johnson's secretary is sitting on his lap right now. And they cut to this corporate guy who's an old dude dressed as Santa with a hot chick sitting on his lap. It's like, that couldn't happen anymore.

That's not going to fly. But, yeah, the way he clowns Neil. Oh, yeah, well, Neil's head also comes to a point. It's just really actual good Tim Allen humor. It was right when the Home Improvement came out So he was like, you know, Tim Taylor It was like great back then, amazing now still too That was going to be my second pick And I hate to be redundant about it

But like, just Home Alone 2 I would have broken up I would go Home Alone, Santa Claus, Home Alone 2 But I'm going to have to go back to back You know, Home Alone 1 just Home Alone 2. I would have broken up. I would go Home Alone, Santa Claus, Home Alone 2, but I'm going to have to go back to back. Home Alone 1, Home Alone 2. The one with Donald Trump in it? Sick. MAGA Kevin.

They did enough. They had the talk boy in it and New York City as the setting. When you're a little kid and you live in this – I actually haven't watched this one in a long time. I think this one's better. Yeah, that's why I was going to say it's one of the best sequels ever. Yeah.

Like you – if you wanted to tell me – Aside from Home Alone 3. If you wanted to tell me you like Home Alone 2 better than Home Alone 1, I wouldn't begrudge you. It's fine. You got the pizza. What's the toy shop? Duncan – well, it's Duncan's Toy you got the pizza the toy shop what's uh duncan well it's it's duncan's toy chest fao shorts but like but yeah there's things there's things about like

home alone one when he's eating all the ice cream alone in his house i wanted to do that as a little kid and then when he gets the cheese pizza in the limo i'm like oh my god i wish i could do that you know going swimming in the pool and like living in the hotel is fucking i still think that's awesome when we were when i was in elementary school we had a book publishing center where you could make, they made like hardcover books for you. It was actually pretty cool. Like as a little kid, you had like a book, picture book that was covered. And I made Home Alone 4, Lost in Los Angeles.

And it was just the same exact movie. Except it was in LA. He eats tacos from a truck. Yeah. He eats tacos from a truck In the back He gets an agent And tries He's a waiter But he calls himself a comedian Alright you're up

He sees less moon vests Instead of I am up It is I gotta go Fuck it bitch I'm going with Sorcerer's Stenna

Fucking asshole Dumb John Fucking cunt What did you say? Sorcerer's Stone What just happened? Sorcerer's Stone. Ah, fucking asshole. Dumb John fucking cunt. What did you say? Yeah, Sorcerer's Stone. What just happened? Sorcerer's Stone. I was going to interrupt myself in the middle of saying Stone, and I forgot.

I was going to go Elf, and then I went Stone. I was going to say that was a huge mess. I'm taking off. Yeah, that was insane. John, you dumb fucking. That was insane. You also could have stopped yourself because I didn't know what you were even saying. Yeah.

It's not like you're a joke, but I'm not allowing that. I'm stealing Elf because that was the hugest miss in the history of drafts. That was crazy. Yeah. Whatever. Fuck it. It's not like you're in a show, but I'm not allowing that. I'm stealing Elf because that was the hugest miss in the history of drafts. That was crazy. So you took a non-Christmas movie, Harry Potter, over Elf. Yeah.

Elf is good. It's time for a new, like, someone needs to make a new classic. Elf, I used to say, is like a modern, new age classic. It's 20 years old. I don't know, probably early 2000s, mid-2000s maybe. It's atf, I used to say it's like a modern, new age classic. It's 20 years old.

I don't know, probably early 2000s, mid 2000s maybe? It's at least 15? 10, 15 years old? Yeah, that's what I thought because I remember that was like during Will Ferrell's like fucking run. You know, so that's, we're pushing 20

years of Elf. And nothing else really has you know, Christmas – Fred Claus was actually kind of like, eh, decent. Four Christmases, I got a little kick out of Vince Vaughn in that one as well. But I don't know. It's hard. Someone is going to tackle Christmas in the digital world somehow and do it like not in a corny way I think there's always like Hallmark Christmases where it's like they met on a dating

app and they you know some bullshit like that but somebody will do it in a new incorporating like the internet or some shit and when that there's gotta be a new Christmas movie coming it can't be just like you can't just stop an elf it's gotta be something that sticks as a classic yeah that was not bad new Christmas movie coming. This can't be just like, you can't just stop an elf.

There's got to be something that sticks as a classic. Well, All Christmas Party was a good one. Yeah, that was not bad. All Christmas Party was good. I'm not going to make my list. But that's also, you know, I guess that,

no, that's about Christmas. Yeah, fuck it. My number four is going to be Family Stone. Good pick. Yeah. Sad movie, right? Or like an emotional movie.

Yeah, emotional movie. Great movie. Good pick. Yeah. Sad movie, right? Or like an emotional movie? Yeah, emotional movie. Great movie. Classic movie. We talked to Mr. Fancy Man about it. I am going to go with a movie that is just one of the funniest movies I've ever seen, period. Bad Santa. Boo.

What? I've tried that movie a million times. I do not get through it. Can't do it. People are like, it's a movie for you. You love it. Yeah, maybe it's like you're looking in a mirror. I think maybe it's like BoJack Horseman.

I can't do that either. Everyone's like, you would love BoJack Horseman. Bro, Bad Santa is one of just like the funniest fucking, like what's not funny about it? I don't know. It just doesn't do it for me. I think he's mean. Yeah, he is. He's a fucking angry drunk.

I don't like mean. That's the whole thing. He's mean and then he finds a spirit. I like playful and I like fun. No, you don't. You're a fucking depressed, dark alcoholic. Yeah, but not mean. Yeah.

I'm not a mean person. I mean well. But that's the thing. He comes around. Does he? Dude, when he asks. I don't like redemption arcs. I don't like redemption arcs. I don't do redemption arcs.

I read A Man Called Ove, which was a movie turned into a book, turned into a movie, started Tom Hanks. It's a very popular book. I read that. That book fucking sucked. Ove's a fucking asshole.

He deserved to die. When he asks, is Granny spry? I just fuck. And Thurman Merman with the wooden pickle? It's a wooden pickle. And when he pisses himself at the mall.

Oh, yeah, you're getting me. Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa. When Bernie Mac's in it talking about how he likes to fuck girls in the ass and shit. You're crazy.

You're crazy. That's one of the funniest. It's not even a funny Christmas movie. It's just a funny fucking movie, period. That's what I hear. I hear everyone likes it.

But I don't like me. It makes me uncomfortable. You're a pussy. My last one is The Holiday. That was good. I think I won this draft, by the way. No, because I also just get to throw in the Grinch at the end there, dog. Yeah.

You know. That's a big one. Yeah, yours is all Christmas. I guess maybe if I stuck to Christmas movies I would have won if I stuck to Christmas movies I like my chances now I mean

I think you know considering like as a movie I guess I'd have to do like the Jim Carrey one but like I also just

I wouldn't have and you know what people are gonna go nuts over I mean we don't have a Christmas vacation or a Christmas story the olds are gonna get

so mad oh uh Christmas story I watched that it, Christmas story, I watched that. It's fine. I mean, that's one, like, at my grandpa's house when I was younger. You want to talk about, like, mean. Christmas story, like, scares me. Yeah. Christmas story is just, like, the story of an abusive father.

It's like the Wonder Years. I used to be terrified. The 70s are the stories of an abusive father. Right. I said that once to my dad, and he was like, oh, yeah. Yeah. Like, that's what it was. Yeah, if you accidentally cursed in front of your mom,

your dad would come home later that day and find out about it and beat you. When they put the soap in the kid's mouth. And that fucking – when the kid has the bad dream where he's blind from shooting himself in the eye, and there's that teacher wearing like the black feathers that scared me and then and then when the santa kicks him in the face down the fucking slide and the kid when he wails on the other kid's face the bully i think just beating his face in world star style that movie makes me super uncomfortable i think that movie is what gave me a bit of a trauma to

bathrooms and like and he's like hiding. Bro, it's like still like, I will sit in the toilet. If I'm home alone, I'll sit in the bathroom for an hour. How about when- That's where I find peace and tranquility. How about when the younger sibling is so scared of the father, he hides in the cabinets. That dad used to beat the shit out of those kids.

That dad would come home and he'd do the like, choose the belt or the brush or the stick. I'll take the fucking wrench because fuck him, that's why. Yeah, Jesus. And then, A Christmas Vacation,

Chevy Chase is not funny. I liked The Vacations as a kid, but I've never gone back to watching them. I just don't, Chevy Chase is just not for me. That movie. And then they always go like, so they're about like,

Clark. And I'm like, that's not funny. Shitter, And then they always go like, so they're about like, Clark. And I'm like, that's not funny. Shitter. Oh, they said, Shitter's full. I'm like,

I don't, that's not funny. That movie sucks. All right. Let's get into voicemails. Jackie. I was going to say, Jackie does voicemails today.

Yeah. Fine. It's a good thing. All right. Time for voicemails. For the first time ever, Jackie Nichols up in the seat, up in the co-host chair, KFC Radio, my partner. Let's go.

You seem so excited about it. No, I'm so excited. Yeah, you're like, I have to be on this podcast. It's like world-renowned. I don't like sitting here. You're uncomfortable? You sit there every single day. Like, do I look uncomfortable? A little bit. You're too far away. And you got to scoot in more. Yeah. You're like this. I was really far away. here. You're uncomfortable? You sit there every single day. Like, do I look uncomfortable? A little bit.

You're too far away. And you gotta scoot in more. Yeah. You're like this. I was really far away. Yeah. Was this better? You literally sit in that chair all day long.

I know, but then... It's different under these bright lights, girl. Bright lights. You know, not everybody can show up. I'm not right for that. It's different when you're putting your feet up and kind of taking a nap while you're editing. You know what I mean? I fall asleep a few times while editing.

I just kind of threw that out there. I didn't know that you actually did that. You guys are special. Today's voicemails are brought to you by Gage Diamonds. You got anybody buying you some diamonds this holiday? No. In fact, oh, never mind. This was for the other.

Gage Diamonds offered... Or somebody, one of the companies offered to give... Gage Diamonds. To give, like, whatever. Uh-huh. And you guys just took it for yourselves. Oh, you... Like, the one girl in the... Oh, are you saying that, like, boys can't get diamonds or jewelry?

No, boys can get diamonds and jewelry, but, like... But you deserve it. Can't get diamonds or jewelry? No, boys can get diamonds and jewelry, but like chivalry is obviously dead because nobody like thought, like asked the girl first and said, you guys just took it for yourselves. Well, I. Pat looks very nice in his bracelet. I was going to say. Yeah, but like I could. Look at Pat.

I could look nice in a bracelet. You could be. But nobody. Well, here's the thing. They sent over two. They sent over bracelets for guys Because there's two guy hosts But if you would ask them Hey can you give us some girl

Like we have a girl To be fair I asked for a bag of diamonds You asked for a bag of diamonds Because Nick asked for Literally loose diamonds Before asking I would love some diamonds Gage diamonds if you wanted to send me diamonds

Jackie's looking for diamonds Or if the guys out there Want to would love some diamonds gauge diamonds if you wanted to send me diamonds jackie jackie's looking for diamonds or or if the guys out there want to buy jackie some diamonds you can buy them from gauge uh go to gauge diamonds.com slash kfc get 20 off the gift you buy for jackie we talked about big gestures yeah she loves big gestures you know yeah if you don't if you don't want to do the ultimate gesture, you could do this one that's cut below, and you could get what? What does Jackie like? Does she like necklaces, bracelets, rings? I'll be involved, baby.

Now, what's your main thing, though? I feel like you wear necklaces a lot. Necklaces. I need some new necklaces. I need some new rings. I have cheap rings. Okay. There you go.

What if somebody bought you an engagement ring? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The first person who buys me an engagement ring i will marry you know what i think girls should i cannot wait for our next live show when someone's gonna propose somebody shows up with a nice gauge diamond yo someone's gonna buy you an engagement ring look i'm down bad right now. If somebody just shows me an ounce of appreciation. It's on. It's on. It's fucking on.

You got me at a low point. I mean, you got ditched in the date. Yeah. Didn't something else happen? Wasn't there a second thing? Well, the second thing ended up being fine. What was that? It was the FaceTime.

Oh, right, right, right. But the guy was hanging up on you, yeah. But then he, like, texted you a million times in a row and you were like, I got you back on the line. Yeah. Yeah.

Did you just let him just, like, suffer, like, get him right back? If he had bought me some engaged diamonds. It would have been real quick. I think girls,

I think somebody should start rocking, like, an engagement ring as just, like, I bought it for myself. I just rock a fat, awesome diamond ring that I just,

don't write it on your ring finger. Just have a fucking rock. If I'm not married by like 30, I'll do that. Exactly. I hate when people say if I'm not married by 30. 30 is so young.

30 is so fucking young now. And by the time you're 30, 30 is going to be even younger. But for a girl, like for a guy, it's fine. But for a girl. The only thing that's, the's, let me finish this off.

Go to GageDiamonds.com slash KFC. And not only can you get fine jewelry, including nice watches for the guys, Movado. How about somebody buys me a fucking Rolex or a Movado? Don't worry about Jackie and her engagement ring. Get me a fucking Movado. No. Or how about both of us? Okay engagement ring. Get me a fucking Movado. No. Or how about both of us? Okay.

Deal. Let's get that blank. It's not only do they have the high quality stuff, but also the first online jeweler to offer financing, 100% financing, no credit needed, up to $10,000, and you can be approved in 24 hours.

What does that mean? It means that you can get a $10,000 jewelry piece and pay it off with no credit, with no hassle. In 24 hours, they'll let you pay it off over the course of time. So you can get these big items and big holiday gifts and not worry about laying out all your cash. Now, go to GageDiamonds, G-A-G-E, Diamonds.com, slash KFC. If you're a girl and you get married, if you're anybody getting married before 30, now, I think you're crazy. And the only thing that

sucks is that biological clock actually keeps ticking. And you don't have to worry about that. But even that's getting a little like, you know, there's technology and medicine and shit. But God, 30 is so fucking young now. I know, I know. I actually like, again, if it wasn't for the

if it wasn't, I actually just got in a conversation with people where they were, like, talking about a 30-year-old, and they were like, their oven is whatever. And then I started thinking about it. But before, I was like, I'm fine if I'm not, like, you know, like, I'm going to be – Because girls get in their head, like, all right, well, if I have to have a kid by 30, that means I have to meet him by like at the latest 25 because we got a date

for three years and then be engaged for two and it's like, now, so now you've decided you have to meet your fucking person tomorrow. It's so stupid.

Yeah. And then you never, and then you never, and it's happened so much in this city. Girls who are obsessed with looking for the guy never get the guy

because they are obsessive assholes and it shines through in your personality. Like the girl who goes out to the bar being like i need to find my husband tonight you can smell that a mile away i know and the girl who's like freshly out of a relationship or just doesn't give a fuck or just wants to like go out and dance or hang out and like be like just be fun that's the girl that every guy's attracted to i know that's what's so fucking funny and not even funny but just like ironic about it. It's like,

you're desperately looking for your husband, and you're the girl who's never going to find it, because we can tell that. You're stressing me out. This is also my issue. My issue is like, I've heard like you're supposed to have like two heartbreaks, right?

I haven't really even been through like one, so I have to fit in two heartbreaks before I find my husband. See, this is crazy. So I have to- You're like, I got to get dumped twice. The next one has to be- You can't fit that in there. I need to fit in like two quick heartbreaks, this is crazy. You're like, I gotta get dumped twice. The next one has to be, I need to fit in like two quick heart breaks

so they can't be too bad, but the next one has to be a heart break and then I'll find one after that and then I'll get that over with. But then the third... It's amazing that you're going out looking for a heart break. Most girls are going out there looking for a husband. She's going out there looking for her ex.

Just somebody come break my heart. I want done with i don't like i want it but that's not how it works no it's how it works you can't be like because i also can't go through life without you know what that's actually that's an interesting uh thing that's that's an interesting thought because like you do grow and learn a lot by getting dumped i would imagine i i had never really got dumped. I never got dumped until my divorce. And that was like even different because it was, yeah,

but it sounds, it's seriously, it sounds like douchey like that, but I just never, I was always the dumper. Yeah. But I'll tell you what, that's also the other side of things.

I, I, I would not, I would not be as bold to say that dump being, being the dumper is worse because it seems like when you're truly – If you get the rug pulled out from underneath you and you really thought it was the one and you get blindsided, I'm sure that is terrible. Being the guy or girl who is like, I'm about to crush this person sucks. And you don't get the sympathy.

And you don't get the sympathy because it's like you're making this decision for yourself. So what's the problem? It's like, well, I want to – this is not right for me i want to like go on and live my life like i this would not be a good fit i'm not the one for her because i'm not in love with her so i have to do this but that doesn't mean i want to like crush her spirit yeah yeah i don't want her you know what i mean and so especially for you know that's why me and john always say like we just we just like ride it out until they want to break up with us. Because it's one of the worst things you can do to someone. You have to be the bad guy.

I hate saying, breaking up with someone is saying, I could choose to continue life with you. Yeah. Or I can choose to take you out of my life and I choose that. That sucks. How many times have you broken up with somebody? Like truly legitimately, one, two, three, and then the divorce. Again, heartbreaker. And it's like two and a half.

It was – but like, yeah, I mean that's – there were other girls along the way. And there was a couple – there was girls that I was hooking up with that I wanted to pursue and they like ghosted me and shit like that. So I know what it feels like to be like the one chasing after someone. But I've never been like we're dating for multiple years. I thought we were all good and all of a sudden you're out. Yeah. And I'm lucky for that,

but also being the other side of things where they're like, what? You don't want me? And I'm like, fuck. That's why I came up with the pineapple thing. Just text pineapple and it's over.

Oh, that's right. Because it just removes, you know, it's like, yeah, I think swingers kind of took over the pineapple, though. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. They kind of stole that one from you. Yeah. Who knew? Who knew? But see, I was on the right path. It would be funny if they got the wrong idea. There's a reason why both of us picked pineapple.

I don't know. Pineapples have something to do with your sexual relationship. You send her a pineapple. She's all excited. She thinks you're bringing in a third. And then it's like, all right, this might have accidentally saved the relationship all right but i can understand the idea of uh it's not also what chicks in the office or no what because we got high says for weed yes pineapple is a thing fun to say i don't know you started it i was the og you were the og yes um but i can

understand the idea of like you got to live experience learn all that yeah that's true though and that's why you can't get married by 30 because honestly the way that you date you date and break up a lot in order to learn i i mean you you can't do this because you can't like you can't have multiple marriages and break up and shit but you learn so much in marriage too where i was like well fuck, fuck, wait a minute. I didn't know any of this. Yeah. Now I'm not ready for that.

And I didn't know that. And it's like, but this is supposed to be forever. I didn't, I didn't know it was going to be like that. You think because you didn't get your two heartbreaks in? I think this is a whole host of things, but it's just like every experience is different. So to think that, oh, I've dated like three or four people. I've been in long-term relationships. Now I'm ready for this thing that I've never done before.

Yeah. If marriage was just another relationship that I've already done before, I'd be like, okay, I've experienced this. How can you be ready for something you've never done? I still feel like it's messed up. I feel like 30, like, again, like I used to look at 30 and be like, oh, all my shit will be figured out. No, don't do that to yourself. And I'm like, for example, and, like, everybody else here, and I'm like, no offense, but, like, nobody knows what the fuck you're doing. And you know what I will say?

Like, the people who, like. It is so many years to be spending with somebody. And I really think that modern life, like, technology and the internet and and shit, like you used to grow up in a town. You meet a guy who like you think is attractive, is a good enough fit because you live in this bubble and that's all you know. And you're like, this is good. I'll marry him because you don't experience anything else. Now you jump on your fucking phone and you can find like down to your you know your favorite movie and your favorite food and your favorite color and your favorite this someone who fits you perfectly and it's like

well no shit i stumbled the apps don't work they just ditch you not even apps i'm not even talking about the apps necessarily it's like you know you can meet someone on a social media app where it's just like oh wow i travel there too and like or you meet someone on like a fucking reddit page that you shares your interest or whatever where it's like it used to be you all used to kind of settle it's what's called settling down you call it a social media app it just sounded like the one of the apps you have the youtube we i don't think we've ever said this to your face but whenever you you say YouTube, you say the YouTube. No, I do not.

You do. No, I don't. Wake me up. You always say the YouTube. Oh, when I'm talking about our channel, yeah. We've got to grow the YouTube, yeah. Like the KFC Radio YouTube. Even then, you could just say our YouTube.

When you say the YouTube. I wouldn't say the when I'm talking about just regular YouTube. Okay, I guess that makes sense. I would also say you've got to grow the Twitter. You've got to grow the Instagram. The KFC Radio Instagram. Yeah. No, no.

He makes a fair point. He makes a fair point. No, that's totally normal. And I will not let you guys try to shame me for that. Yeah. When you're talking about a page, like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's fair. It's like we got to grow the blog. We got to grow the Instagram. We got to grow the social media. Okay. And also, what's wrong with social media apps? There's multiple social media apps. Just like social media apps there's multiple social media apps

just like social media there's multiple social media apps there's nothing wrong with that either you guys are this is not okay you know

I take it all back I'll take it all back I should have stuck my ground on that but I didn't you're gonna you're gonna fucking you're gonna cover me

for being old there's plenty of other things those are not those are not good examples anyway just fucking

slut it up get broken up with a couple times and marry when you're 40 what's up Kfc radio mellows back 30 rolls out podcast wearing my sad boy season jacket it's awesome uh so just another question for you guys uh if you could only listen to your favorite song for the rest of time or every other song that you listen to, you gain a half pound, would you just strictly listen to your favorite song, or would you go on a 10-song bender and listen to other songs?

Could you do it? It can't be a half a pound. A half pound is a lot. It's got to be like a fraction of a pound, because that way, to the thing where I swallowed my own spit down the wrong tube. I'm with you on that. Yes. That – you know, we are not alone.

I have been shamed into thinking that sometimes people swallow their own saliva down the wrong tube into their lungs, and then it makes you feel like you're going to die. I had a friend who did that. What happened? I had a friend who did that while she was giving a blowjob Yeah that's gotta be a fiasco She like just out her nose Oh no

So she's with us You know what's sick? I saw a meme The other day it's the cartoon on the bus Meme And I mean the world is just getting so disgusting But also I don't know what to tell you The happy one You say the world is just getting so disgusting. But also, you know, I don't know what to tell you. The one, you know, the happy one.

You say the world is getting so disgusting as if you are not. A part of it. A part of it. Yeah. I just tell like it is, girl. That's the thing. It was the, like, the happy meme. I guess, I don't know if it totally works.

It was like the happy meme was like no gag reflex. And the other side was like she's throwing up on your dick. I was just like, oh my God. Like we're getting to a point where it's like, you know, having a gag reflex is pretty hot. That's where we're at. Right. Like, like two, if you're too good at giving head, it's like, well, that's not fun. There was one time I was like like my friend like doesn't have

a gag reflex i was trying to like wing manner and so then i was like black out and i was just trying i was just i guess i just like wouldn't stop repeating i was like listen she doesn't have a gag reflex and then multiple times multiple times the worst drunk thing in the world is the the repeater when you're the repeater but when you're when you're when you're then you're repeating is is that are you a repeater i'm actually not a repeater but like sometimes i'll wake up and i'll like there'll just be one thing that my brain was hooked on and i'll just be like that to me is the most embarrassing thing as a drunk when it's like yo you heard this song yet it's like dude you played that like 10 times already. Fuck.

I can't believe that. That, that, that. Oh. And did she, did it work? Because I would be honest. I'd be like, I wasn't into this girl, but I mean. She was like, he was really into me. Yeah.

Well. After that, I bet so. So. Shit. This, this question. Oh, yeah. If it was like one, one hundredth of a pound or something like that like i let you i listen to thousands of songs maybe maybe if like you're one time when you get a listen to new music is when you're working out and you just go hard oh so then it like balances out yeah you

like gain zero pounds i don't know i feel like this you know like or am i not thinking of this right it's like i guess there's it's not every time you listen to a song it's every new song every so like you can rather listen to the same song every single like all the time gain no weight right but every time you change a song you gain a half a pound yeah that's too much no listen to 10 songs in a day you gain five pounds that's i mean that's insane that that needs to be like if at the end of the day i gained like a fraction of a pound talking about days you live but you live a million days for the rest of your life like listen to okay no i figured it out because so you can either listen to the same song or you can listen to the same song but then if you choose a new song you gain half a pound so then you have to go with the second one

because then you just don't listen to it. And then if you're like, I'm actually going to go crazy, I just, I'll gain half a pound, but then I'll just like real quick work it off and you're fine. Then at least you have the option. But then you're stuck with the other one.

Or let's say like just for a weekend, you want a fatty. You know what I just think there's too much new music And too many songs to listen to And I would be obese But the other one you're stuck with the same song No I get it but

It needs to be just like You gain It has to be like a tenth of a pound Like a thousandth of a pound. It's just there's so many fucking songs. I'll just have to listen to the same song. Otherwise, I'll be fucking huge. Yeah.

Is this Catherine? Catherine the mailwoman? Hello, good morning. So when we make a little bit of a mess up, the other person likes to kind of give a retort and like roast the person back for being like, ha ha, you messed up. And the other person's like,

yeah, well at least I didn't wake up in a bed with a man that I didn't know while the other person was at work kind of thing. So to my favorite couple that I will be seeing at both shows at the Wilbur, congratulations by the way, I would like to know what your roast to each other would be if you were to mess up. That's for you and Bites. We can do that for you too. I don't understand. When she says a mess up,

does she mean like... I guess just like if you do something embarrassing, it's like, oh, you're an idiot and you're like, oh yeah, well at least I didn't wake up with a... naked and whatever. That's what she's she's saying basically it sounds like when somebody just like sort of fucks up they like go go all the way you know um i mean i don't i don't know enough about like your horrible mishaps yeah but it's all just like you know at least i didn't like you know

fuck up putting up the podcast 10 times in a row. Are you saying they did that? We had a rough go. We had a rough go. Last two weeks has been a rough showing. Wait, no. There was one time. Are you going to send him right under the bus again?

What? Are you going to send him right under the bus again? No, no, no. I thought you were going to say Paz. No, I'm going to stop. Because you were. Because you were about to. paths. No, I'm going to stop. Because you were. Because you were about to. No, no, no, no.

I was not about to throw you under the bus, although he just threw me under the bus. I'm going to throw you under the bus. Is this fake Tanner? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, those knuckles are. Yeah, they're really bad. Those knuckles look like you were fighting a brown.

Like a pound of dirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so the new lips and the self-tanner. New lips, self-tanner. The new lips like settled in. Really? Okay. So do you approve of them?

Yeah. Okay. No, I mean. You said that. No, I do. I meant that because I always knew that was going to be the case. I knew that lips need to like. Settle in.

When you first get them, they look. I was worried there that they were going to have to be dissolved. But you would tell me if they would need to be dissolved. Yeah. No. Those. These. They.

This fits your face. Okay. Cool. Yeah. The new. would need to be dissolved. Yeah, no, this fits your face. Okay, cool. The first initial ones were... They were bad. It's all swollen and shit, that's why. Yeah. But I would probably say something like that. You know, like, at least I didn't get fucking new lips, you dumb bitch.

Yeah, you did say that. Yeah. For you, or what would you say to fights? I would probably be like, at least I... Well well it's not even like at least I because I can't really say this but it's like at least I didn't you know like lose out on multiple multi million dollar deals dumb businessman

so I would probably do that yeah I'm trying to think for you I'm not good at like thinking fast there's quite a bit of ammo in all regards But you know what The Rittenhouse stands are just still going And it's like It genuinely doesn't faze me

At this point Where I just see the same pictures and the same links And it's just like If you have anything else Anything at all I'll give you some credit I've not seen It's almost in a weird way I hate it because it's hard to win It's almost what I just said about fights anything at all. I'll give you some credit. I've not seen... Almost in a weird way.

I hate it because it's hard to win. It's almost what I just said about fights. Whenever I'm in an internet battle and I'm busting back and forth on people, they think they've won the battle by just saying that. And anybody who has been around for a long time and

knows the deal is like, yeah, we know that doesn't really matter anymore. But knowing that they think they won the war, you know what I mean? It's like, you didn't, but I know that you're going to bed tonight being like, oh, I fucking roasted him. And it's like, look at the fucking replies. You and... I also love the people who think

it's all, like, current. They think it's happening right now. They don't know anything. It's like, they're just jumping in. People see that I made fun of Rittenhouse, they Google me, they find it, and they... You know, that's the other thing that's funny, it's like they're they're just jumping and people see that i i made fun of written house they google me they find it and they you know that's the other thing that's funny too is they're doing like research on me over it but they i think they all think it's like currently the same they just like copied and pasted the same they had like a same like temper group chat yeah yeah they probably do or it's like a burner account they do it's like 10 people put their same thing i've noticed even in the i mean they're just dumb because uh like

we don't delete youtube comments like yeah and but youtube censors on its own or it just shows top comment like usually and these people are so dumb they're like i can see there's 37 comments but clearly you're hiding like 30 i'm like dude we don't hide anything bro click all comments right you're not you're filtering it wrong, you fucking morons. Like, learn how a filter works. No, that's pretty much what everybody would use against me. But it's also like, I also do get a kick out of when it is like the Rittenhouse fans and they're all diehard Trump fans. And it's like, well, what about your king?

It's got to go both ways. Next up, last one. Hey, Fights, KFC, Nick, Jackie, rest of the crew. I'm 26 now. Got a pretty good job making close to six figures over six figures. Married, the wife's making close to six figures too. Got a nice house, some extra cash laying around for entertainment and such.

Compared to the rest of my friends, I'm doing a lot better than. Looking back to my high school self, I never really pictured that. I guess there was some telltale signs in some of the AP classes, all that good junk, taking college courses. So I guess the question is, looking back at your high school self and your high school group of friends, did you ever think or picture yourself as being the most successful? I mean, obviously, you guys got a really good rated podcast. Yeah, let me know. Fucking, you know, Elon Musk over here, person of the year.

Was this not the douchiest thing you've ever seen in your life? I know. I'm making six figures. My wife's making six figures. Turns out I'm awesome because I was taking AP classes in high school, and I should have known it. Like, get the fuck out of here. The AP classes was weird.

Like, what? I took AP Environmental Science. That shit, that was the biggest joke of my entire fucking life. Some of these, anything that's like school related, it's all a fucking joke. I also think if you,

making money is important, obviously. And when you do get a job where you're making money you feel like accomplished and it does feel like cool but if you walk around talking using the phrase six figures a lot like that is like today that is like a barometer what i know i'm just saying like especially like today like yeah you can't be like, listen, I fucking made it. Yeah. I mean, it's like, there's certainly, well, listen. But also, I'm not making six figures, so I can't be taught. No, but, like, across the world, factoring everybody in, if you make $100,000 a year, like, yeah, you're probably, like, in the top 1% of the world.

But if you live in a city, if you work in certain industries, it like okay you're doing if you i mean if you make a hundred thousand dollars in new york city like you are you know you can like afford maybe a little bit comfortable like you know bigger closet that's right that's that's really about it now some place wherever he lives you're in the midwest or someplace where you can you could buy a fucking house on that you know but i think if you walk around like in your brain six figures six figures what do you make six figures oh she makes six it's just like yeah uh and then to be like to be like man i'm making i'm making 110 grand i should have known it back in the day when i got when i got a 95 on you know that test like shut up dude yeah get out of here what was his question though his

question was like did, did you know? Did you, like, looking back? I mean, you're so young. So when you were in high school, taking your AP environmental class. Yeah. I mean, I never had any plan for anything. I did feel like coming out of school, because I graduated early and I got my MBA, and then the job, the Deloitte job that I got offered bumped me up.

Wait, how early did you graduate? Semester early. Got it. So then I just started my MBA right away. And because it was a five-year program, they place you out of a bunch of classes because, like, Fordham just takes those credits from your undergrad. You know what I mean? Yeah, okay. So rather than doing two years, I only had to do one.

And because I started semester early, long story short when everyone else was graduating in May normal time, I graduated I graduated in August with an MBA. So I did it really quick. So it was only a couple extra months of schooling and I got my MBA. So that the job at Deloitte gave me a, I think it was like

$10,000 extra dollars. So I think it was like instead of $65, I was making $75 or $62 and $72 or whatever it was like instead of 65 i was making 75 or 62 and 72 or whatever it was and at that moment i did feel like i was on top of the world i was like yay i'm making more money than the guy next to me who got the same offer and then within like 45 seconds you realize that you're thrown into like the big pool and everyone else around you is smarter and better and you're nothing and it's like and I also it's just not the

as you get more money you get more bills and so you don't actually have any more money you're just fucking that's why if you stay single don't get married continue on your career continue to get those raises and bonuses or be gay and you make I mean gay guys gay guys are living the dream.

They're just spending their money on themselves and that's it. And they're dating someone else who's doing the same thing. So they have their own money. You're like, how, how often, unless you're me who got your card declined for the first time ever this weekend,

cause you had $4 in your bank account. I just got young too. You're just starting now. I have other, it's just, it was just a thing that hurts though what were you paying for

just lunch I was just picking up lunch with other people no it was luckily just myself okay that's if you're with other people oh no oh shit

I had this happen at the live show your car got declined my car got declined I'd switched over cards what were you buying at the live show a drink for a fan

and there's so much backwards about that how about when we learned that the girls at the live show. A drink for a fan. There's so much backwards about that. How about when we learned that the girls at the show wanted Nick to take a selfie from the stage and instead just took a picture? They must have been like, wow, that guy really has no self-esteem. That guy really was willing to just take a picture of us in the middle of his rock show. You hand me a phone, I take a picture of you. Yeah, no, you're right, but it's like you were on stage performing.

I was trying to hear him. I couldn't hear. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had no idea. And then what – so what – like did you say the fan? Like, sorry, sorry. Thank God.

This was – so this was at our Gramercy show. Right. And then thank God Tom Mullins was behind me. He swept in and tossed his card down. Because I also was getting like drinks for my girlfriend. Getting a drink for Tom. in and toss his card down because I also was getting like drinks for my girlfriend getting a drink for Tom and then like I was like trying to thank Tom for like coming and doing this on a Friday night right and yeah it swept yeah I didn't realize he was gonna do that there was a

bunch of there's some extra people that I appreciate that yeah yeah and uh yeah it just didn't run it wouldn't work for like two days I'd switch it over like that day yeah yeah i mean i to put it in perspective like i was i had way more disposable income and was way less worried about money when i was 26 and i am 36 are there a lot of gay sugar daddy situations yeah tons right yeah yeah yeah but i was just thinking like – Actively, if anyone's out there, whatever. If you just want to give me money to do nothing. That's actually a big thing is you just go on the dates, whatever. You don't have to like hook up.

Some guys are just so lonely, which is sad. But they go out for dinner. That's like older guys, right? Yeah, I feel like I knew someone who did it and it wasn't like that much older. He was like 50, which is like – I just feel like it's – I can see why there's definitely a lot of that that goes on but also that it feels to me like there should be like we're two guys we're both working we don't have kids we don't have bills oh yeah we'll be good in our own right like nobody but i guess there's guys who just want to

be a sugar baby and don't want to work yeah for sure would you do it there yeah i've come dangerously close before but i'm not so what do you define dangerously well've come dangerously close before, but I'm not. Define dangerously close. Well, like, not dangerously close. You just said it, so. Well, like, I've responded to men on, like, like, Grindr is, like, an easy, you can just go on Grindr and, like, people, like, other guys will, like, whatever, and I

have almost done it before, and then I'm like, I can't get myself to go and do this dude for a month. Would you do a sugar daddy? I would quarterly, four times a a year i would fuck somebody for like a big lump sum of cash what's a big lump sum of cash whatever it is at the time you know like if i needed like if i want you know if i need my rent paid for like yeah this many maybe that's what i would do is like i want my rent covered for the year. So every time I fuck you, I want four months of rent. Or I guess three months.

Every three months. So that way you don't have to live the life and be like, oh my god, I feel like an actual prostitute. Are you saying that you would fuck an old guy or an old girl? Oh, I mean, I guess – no. I mean I'm not gay, so I can't – I'm not gay. I don't think – Despite what we said earlier with the Freudian select. I could not gay I don't think I could not fuck an old guy for money

I'm saying if I was a girl or I guess a gay guy I would do it every now and then for a big chunk of cash same person, keep it kind of like clean and quiet and discreet and all that and then it's just like, ah fuck it's March 15th I gotta like fuck that guy and I'll see ya in june you know what i mean anyway a lot of ways to make money

kids just know that it's not the most important thing in the world making your six figs um all right interview time pulling an audible kenny g on the show uh kenny g shout out to the foreplay guys they interviewed him first because he's a big – he's an avid golfer. And they came back and they were like, surprisingly, Kenny G was like the man because he's just not a guy that you think of when you think of like podcasts and shooting the shit. Like I said to him, to his face, I was like, I don't even think you're like a real person.

You're just Kenny G. And we end up talking about groupies and going down on girls and the whole shebang with a legend of the saxophone so uh kenny g on kfc radio words i thought i would never say it's brought to you by helix sleep um you how many uh like bad beds have you encountered like i feel like uh you know you go home with a guy or when your friends go home with guys and it's like he had like a shitty mattress on the floor with like no blankets and no sheets and no pillows. Are you guys high class

broads? High class. So you're going home to Helix Sleep beds. Nice Helix, yeah. I mean, you need it. You're gonna have company in your bed. Gotta have a quality bed. Like I was saying to John, you can't be on the floor anymore. You can't be on some shitty mattress. You gotta have a quality mattress not only to sleep on

But to enjoy activities on How's your bed look? What's your bed situation? Do I have a picture of it? I think I sent it to the group chat Wait, you're not at home anymore? I'm not at home I'm living with my friends in the city

Just on their couch Where in the city? What neighborhood? Kips Bay Sure Yeah Sure It's a life Kips Bay. Sure. Yeah. Sure. It's a life.

Kips Bay, Murray Hill, Gramercy area. At your age, the way you look is like you'll fit right in. So you're sleeping on the couch? I'm sleeping on the couch, yeah. Fold out or like literally on the couch? Yeah, no, it comes out. It's a couch, but like there's like an L. It's a futon.

It's a futon, basically. And I throw a little sheet on there every single night. Blanket. Do we have a time frame for this? Or, like, is this indefinite right now? This is... Like, are you like, oh, I have a lease starting in January? Or is it like, I don't know?

There's just, like, every week I take a look. Yeah. And, like, I see what's going on and nothing looks good. So I'm waiting until, like, after. How many guys total are in there? There's two other guys. That's not too many. The two guys at the live show.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. They think they're going to get a job here. They think they're going to get a job here? They think they're going to get a job here? Yeah, remember they were like, dude, I was so fucking funny. No, no, that was – By the way – So he – so he obviously he found out about when Fights telling the story about him.

And he has just been in shambles about it. Somebody – somebody that he – his cousin listens to us religiously. Yeah, he knew. And he was right away, he's like, F***. Just beeping his phone. Were you on KC Radio the other day? See, my life is over.

Well, so, on the couch. On the couch. So you're just playing away games mostly? Or are you like, come on back to my futon? It's embarrassing to have to tell girls especially that I live on a couch. What happened with that chick who was ghosting you? Steady ghosting? I'm back.

Yeah! How did you dig out of it? Tell the people. This is important information. How do you get out of a ghost situation? How do you get un-ghosted by Mike Pats? Which is like, we were in the rejection thing together, and then he got his happy ending. Oh, well, you know, he's not ugly.

What did you say? I didn't really say. I played it as if, saw her out again, played it as if it was just seeing another person. Didn't let it bother me. Just said, hey, what's up? And then walked away. Oh, so you did it in person? Oh, yeah.

I saw her at a party recently, and I was just. Okay, so no contact until the party. Yeah. Then you said, what's up? And just blew her no contact until the party yeah then you said what's up and just like blew her off kind of and then she texted you after that damn i would almost be like maybe i don't want you shit that was desperate girl that's that's that's the ultimate that's like that's that's how you got to do it that's a good show of confidence right there it's so hard not to when you really like somebody or you really feel like this is your last chance.

Like, let me just send something. It's like, please, just don't. Just don't because in a couple weeks, maybe, you know. So well done. Just fuck around your futon. But if you can, as soon as you get your own spot, get that Helix Sleep mattress. You can get $200 off a Helix Sleep mattress and two free pillows which is a big one too because girls are always like, he didn't even have any pillows.

So go to helixsleep.com slash KFC. Get $200 off your mattress which they designed to fit you and your body and your sleep preferences and your style. Specifically for you, get two free pillows and $200 off. It's helixsleep.com slash KFC. It's Kenny G

on KFC Radio. No, I can hear you, but got to see that beautiful face. I know how beautiful you are. Dude, you have probably looked the same for the last 30 years, I feel like. You don't age. Are you even 30 years old? Marry me, Kenny. Marry me.

I'm the ripe old age of 36 i mean i feel like you're you're you're you're just staying right as you've been for the first time i saw you good yeah you know it worked whatever i'm doing works i'm gonna keep doing it absolutely man um where are we at right now where are you i'm at um i'm backstage what's let's see what do Well, yeah, it just didn't seem like a home setting, so I was curious. No, no, I'm down in a dungeon dressing room in Warren, Ohio. Ah, lovely. And what's popping? What's going there?

I got a gig tonight at the Packard. Where is my gig? It's at the... Are you gig ready right now, or is this how Kennedy goes about his day? Yeah. After music hall. No, no. I'm...

No, I'm... This is my normal day. I'm at the gig early, and I prep. Average day, you wake up and toss on the suit like this? No, that's for you. Oh, wow. That is very kind. I am flattered, and I don't know if that's a joke or serious, but that is amazing.

He's like, I just did Good Morning America, man. That's all. I took the tie off for you idiots. No, no, no, no. That's for you guys. And then – but when we're done, I'll start practicing. I'll practice probably two and a half hours, then sound check, and then gig. That's how I do it.

If you were not so kind to dress up for us as you did, what's an average Kenny G day clothing-wise look like? On the road, I wear the same thing every single day. My black jeans, gray T-shirt, and gray sweatshirt, and that's it. Same stuff. It's simple, baby. Same ones. I mean, I'm on the road for a month. It's the same clothes.

Never wash them. They're all good. Kenny G's a man of my own heart then washing clothes super overrated so is food safety and hygiene only on the road because it's too hard to wash clothes on the road to me it's hard are you otherwise is it like a mariah carey status i wear it once i throw it out and i have someone else bring me a new gray t-shirt no i don't i don't have handlers. I'm not that kind of person.

Here's a question that we ask a lot of people. So average day, you're in your black jeans. You wrap up for the day. You get home. It's time to chill out before bed. Do you change out of those jeans into some sweats or some like lounge pants or do you just keep rocking those jeans till it's time

to actually sleep? Those jeans are only on the road. When I'm at home, I just wear shorts. Always wear shorts. This guy will just wear jeans until it's like 11 o'clock, time to go to bed. Now I'll take my jeans off. It's insane. I wear shorts. I wear the same shorts every single day. I wash those.

I wear them every day. And that's it. Shorts and a t-shirt, that's all I wear around the house. And you guys are too focused on comfort. It's an unnecessary luxury people have. You don't have to be comfortable. It's a very necessary luxury. It is. It is. I need to be comfortable because I'm going to be hanging out all day. But it's not like I go to work and come home at the end of the day. I wake up at home. I wake up. I practice for three hours. That's what I do. I wake up, practice for three hours. Then I eat my breakfast and then I figure out the day. I might have some stuff in the studio. I might go play golf. I exercise. I might, that's pretty much it. I don't really have that much else to do. How much are you playing per day? You said

three hours there. You mentioned two and a half earlier in the interview. That's pretty sure. That's a lot of playing. Yeah, of course. You got to do it if you want to stay good right yeah but i feel like you're pretty good i don't know do you still need to are you pretty easy yeah i'm pretty good i like you're you're there i'm not pretty good i'm really good yeah yeah you're the best of all time and that's because i practice so much i If you're Tiger Woods, let's say, is he going to stop going to the driving range because he's good? Tiger, you're pretty good. You don't need to practice anymore. He's still practicing.

He has golf for hours a day. I'm the same person. Well, it is. Yeah, it's funny you mentioned golf because you did do the foreplay podcast with our other guys here. And, dude, they came out of there. I mean, they were so starstruck. They were like schoolboys. They were like, we just talked to Kenny G.

And I think it was one of the, no, not one of the, the best interview we've ever done. And it's just so funny for, I don't know, I guess in the time I grew up, like Kenny G to me, it's like you're not even a person. You're like a being a yeah a being a ghost uh you know what i mean it's just been you're like this weird celebrity musician figure that has always been there it's and the fact that you don't age it's you're freaking me out man it's unbelievable i'm like background music to your life is what you have yeah right you know it's out there but you never really thought about there's a real person involved in that. So, you know, I think people are surprised that I'm so like tenacious about my, my saxophone playing to me. It's like, bro, you could just

wake up, just go play that little thing and put out some music. No, no, I'm, I'm practicing this thing because I am trying to get, I'm trying to master something that can't be mastered. Right. There's never any end to that, right? No, very competitive. I work really hard. I want to be the best. And I, I mean, I'm, I am, it's, I'm not just wallpaper, but I can understand why you say that.

No, but I didn't mean it as, as, as that. I just meant that you've just for a, a, you know, I don't know, uh, any other saxophonist, you know what I mean? Like you, you, you broke through into pop culture and kind of everyday household type name in an industry or using an instrument that doesn't usually do that you know like what what was it that made kenny g catch on to the point that i'm a 15 year old kid growing up being like oh yeah i know kenny g plays the saxophone hey well thanks thanks to your thanks to your parents. You know, it's, it's, you know, it's, it's one of those things. It's, it's an intangible, you can't really even say like why I did, there was no formula. Like there

wasn't any set of rules that I went through to go, okay, if I do all these things, boom, I'm going to be super successful and all that. It was just really, I just love the saxophone. When I play it, it sounds different. It sounds the way that I hear it. And when I record my music, I record it the way I hear it. It's just different. And fortunately, the world seemed to like what I do. So that's kind of how it happened. Yeah, there's things involved like a good record company.

And yes, there's promotion. And I'm trying to be as smart as I can about it. But the primary thing is, am I creating this thing that I want to create from my heart? And I am. And then I'm lucky that the world seems to like it. And that's great. Do you do things with like a saxophone that, you know, other people can't dream of? Is it like, is it something like, are you, are you that much better than people to the point of, you know, athletes who could do certain things on a court or a field that

other people can't do? Are you like, are you like inventing new, new ways and new sounds and new things with the saxophone? Or are you just playing it in a smooth, you know, good way, the music you make? I, I, listen, I, of, I try to do all those things. Of course, when I'm practicing, I'm trying to come up with things that I've never heard anybody play. But I think what it is would be like the comparison would be like if you like Celine Dion singing

and you also like Mariah Carey, are they are they doing stuff that the other person can't do? No, but there's a tone that you like in in Celine may that you like that you might like better than Mariah or vice versa so it's just the fact that when I play there's a sound as well as all the technique and all the stuff so it's there's not a it's not a better you know there's a lot of really great sax players in the world I wouldn't say better I say it's just that there's something in there there's some magical little thing that i'm i'm lucky that it's there yeah the in doing research for this i i read a vanity fair article about the new hbo documentary penny lane uh listening to kenny g and i think the headline

of the article was like kenny g doesn't care if you like him or something along those lines and and i believe you went so far as to say, I don't give a fuck. And they blurred that out. Vanity Fair. We can say it here. Would I talk like that? It says, Kenny G would love you to love him. But, oh, that's my phone.

But if not, I don't give a fuck. Who doesn't like you? That was a revelation to me. I thought everyone, I was like, people dislike Kenny G. Kenny G's the fucking man. What's not to like? Bro, you got to watch the documentary. You'll see the people that don't like me.

They're in there. But they are like traditional jazz people, right? Well, yeah. It reminded me of an article I was reading recently. It was about Mark Hoppus and his beating cancer and mark hoppus was talking about when blink-182 came out and i think no fx who's a band he loved oh yeah it was considered a great punk band they had a line in one of their songs like fuck blink-182 and their fans and he was like i couldn't have cared less because i was making so

much money and i was so popular i didn't care what the establishment thought of me. And it seems to me that you're on the same page. Yeah, but not really. No, I don't say that because I'm making money and I'm successful. That's not why I'm saying it. But you're doing it. That's a side effect. That's a nice fringe benefit.

I'm not saying that doesn't exist. But for me to say I don't give a fuck whether you like me or not, it's because I'm doing the music that I want to do the way that I want to do it. It's not because I'm successful and I'm well known. That's not. So when people say it like that, I don't like them when they say that because then I think they're just full of shit and they're full of themselves. I don't like that.

Oh, really? Yeah. Because you should never be going looking, well, I don't like that. Oh, really? Yeah. Because you should never be going looking like, well, I don't care what you say because I'm successful. You can just say, I don't care what you say because what I say is sincere to what I believe. That's how you should be saying it. Yeah, that's from the heart, but it's nice to be, it's a fringe benefit to be like, I can say fuck you because I'm one of the greatest of all time.

I sold a bajillion records and everything. It gives you the clout to say that. Nah, nah. No, no, no, Kenny. No, because if you say that and you're not Kenny G and you're not where you're at, it doesn't carry the same weight. Hey, I've been saying it since I was just starting out. So before I was famous and before I was successful,

I was saying the same thing because look to do the music that I did, I had to go against all the advice of people that are telling me what can be done, what could get radio airplay. And I'm, and, and, okay. So at that point, if I'm saying F you, it's only from one reason only, it's because I'm doing it from my heart. And that's the same thing, man. It's the same thing. Now I'm not gonna, I'm not F you it's only from one reason only it's because I'm doing it from my heart and that's the same thing man it's the same thing now I'm not gonna I'm not going down that road like you egomaniacs well okay that's your hot show and you just didn't do anything trying to get like you Kenny trying to get on your level man I mean when when you do something like when

Kanye invites you to do that performance for Kim? First of all, you know, what kind of is that experience like? And secondly, you know, that again, that's something that, you know, Kenny G, the saxophonist gets offered that I'd imagine some other saxophonist or other musicians are like, fuck, you know, why not me or why Kenny G, right? Probably, probably. Right. I feel like it's things like that that maybe create some of the haters or a different vibe or whatever. But, I mean, that's something that only you get that offer

and then people right away go like, oh, it's Kenny G. It could have been anybody playing the saxophone in the background, but we know it's you, right? See, now that's the big compliment is the fact that when you hear a few notes from my horn, you know it's me. Right. So that's the big compliment is the fact that when you hear a few notes from my horn, you know it's me. That's the compliment. And that's the thing that just happens because it just happens. Like, okay, I was actually talking to a couple guys on the bus about this last night.

We drove from Detroit. We played a gig last night in Motor City Casino in Detroit. Get on the bus, and now we drive overnight to where we are here in Ohio. So I was talking to the guy about this. We were talking about the difference between learning to play an instrument now in today's age and when we did. So we didn't have any connection to the world. So no YouTube. There were no computers.

Think about that. No cell phones. Okay. So how did I learn to play? Well, I maybe heard something on the radio, but I just took my saxophone into a room and practiced and just figured it out. And so that's where you say that you know my sound by a few notes is because I didn't have the world to compare to and then try to emulate. Like there's a lot of really good players now, but they kind of all sound the same because they're listening to each other the whole world is at their fingertips and yet they don't have the same thing of like going in and discovering it themselves and just just like you know taking the layers off of whatever you're taking the layers off all by yourself without an instruction

from youtube on how to do it right so and and how does that, does Kanye, is that something set up by the music people, the industry, or is that like a direct, Hey, Kenny, it's me. I need a favor. Okay. Well, so there's people that I guess know Kanye and also know me. So I got a text from a publicist. His name is Mark Young, really cool guy. And he says to me, he goes, Hey, Kanye wants you to come and play for Kim tomorrow morning. Now I know Mark, I don't know Kanye. And I, so I say, well, what does this a good thing to do now? He's a publicist. So he's, he's going to think it's a good thing to do. Right. They just love that. So now I get another text from David Foster, the famous producer. And he's a friend of mine now he's a music guy. And he says, he calls me K-Man. He says, K-Man, you should go over to do this thing tomorrow so i said david seriously is this a good

thing or not because i don't want to look like i'm out there chasing exposure right right hey he'll he'll do anything to get on more instagram yeah uh you know views right no no bro you got to do it it's going to be cool i said okay but what kind of house is it? What am I doing? What am I playing? Are you going to be there with your piano? No, I'm not going to be there. I said, well, what is it going to be? Just my sax? Yeah. So, what kind of house is it? He goes, you'll like it. It's got like marble floors. And you know, like a sax player loves to play in a stairwell, right? We love that because the sound goes everywhere. He says, okay, cool. So I said, okay, I'm going to do it. So I had still not talked to Kanye, not talked to him. So I get there

and there's, I mean, we were talking about security at the house, right? Big time security. And by the way, it's raining. So I got under an umbrella. They shuffle me into some room. Now I'm sitting in the room and I'm still haven't met Kanye, but I'm texting his house. I'm at his house. He goes, well, he'll be around soon, but Kim is doing makeup somewhere. And okay. So an hour and a half later, I'm still, I'm saying, guys, where, what's going on? What am I supposed to do?

Okay. Just be sit tight. And then a couple of minutes later, Kanye walks into the room. Unbelievable. Like I'm telling you, there's some some there's an aura about this guy he was unbelievably nice and welcoming he put a smile on you you could have there should have been angels flying around him seriously he comes over he gives me a hug and i go i said something like we should have done this a long time ago you know like like that he's going to Matt?

And then he just starts rambling about stuff in his life like I'm his best friend. And eventually I say, Kanye, you should tell me what it is that we're going to do here. And finally, he gives me some instruction. We go downstairs. He shows me the spot. He goes, okay, now, look, sit tight. We're going to wait for Kim to come down. Okay.

Another hour goes by. Oh, man. So, look, sit tight. We're going to wait for Kim to come down. Okay, another hour goes by. Oh, man. So you – It's okay. It's okay. I probably like a four or five-hour affair for you. It's okay. He wanted it to be a special vibe. So anyway –

Was it a proposal or just a celebration? Or what was the occasion? It was him providing his wife a Valentine's Day surprise. You son of a bitch, Kanye. That only Kanye can do. What if Kanye calls you up right now? Because Kanye's in the news quite a bit after his show out in L.A. and where he was, well, let's say pleading with Kim to come back.

What song would you cut on if he was like, we're going to do a surprise for kim what's your go-to song to get someone to come back to re-fall in love say well okay so let's see what did i play last time last time i played for her my song called forever in love that's my song because there's no words i decide what the song is called i would actually think that that would be the same i would play the same song because it would remind her of this. See what I'm saying? And forever in love.

It's like Kim, this is all about being forever in love. So I think that's the right call. I think you are a hundred percent. I think you hit the nail on the head. Best answer. Also though, considering you can just make the names of the song you want,

you can just make a song called like Kim, take Kanye back. This is a little d a song called like Kim Take Kanye Back. This is a little ditty I like to call Take Kanye Back. And I could just make up the notes too. It's like, oh, yeah, I just wrote that. Yeah. They wouldn't know the difference. The other thing I remember about you when I was growing up was the world record for longest note held, which is something...

That made it on your radar, huh? Yeah, but what's so funny is over the years, because I think about it quite a bit, honestly. I kind of feel like I bring it up probably more than the average person would. I feel like in my mind, that note, you could have told me you held it for like 30 minutes or like two and a half hours. It ranges. I feel like you could have played it for like a minutes or like two and a half hours. Like it ranges. I feel like you could have played it for like a day straight.

But what was, and how does that go down? Like do you set out to be like, I'm going to go break the world record? Okay, so I was doing the, what's the show? The Regis. Remember when Regis was on TV? Regis and Kathy Lee show? Yeah, yeah.

One of those morning shows. I was doing it. And one of the other guests was this guy from Guinness World Book of Records. So he was backstage. And they were asking me about the circular breathing technique that I do. And the guy says to me, hey, you know what? You should set a world record. I said, what is the world record?

He goes, it's never been set. I said, well, I'll set it right now. I'll hold it for one minute. He goes, no, no. He goes, come down and we'll do it formally. So I went down to a record store in Manhattan and they filmed me doing it. And that's how it came about. It was pretty cool.

And I'm surprised the world was really like, I don't know. They were very interested in this thing. Yeah, yeah. Well, and how many minutes was it? 45 minutes. 45 minutes. And you've only done it that one time. Have you ever like sought out to break it again?

I could break it again. I think somebody tried to or somebody might have broken it. But you know what happens is like it's like anything else. Once that happened, nobody really cares that much anymore. You know what I mean? It's like I could break it right now and I don't think people would care. Oh, I disagree. I hadn't heard about this.

And then Kevin told me fairly recently, as he does weekly, bringing this topic up. And I was like, what do you mean? He held a note for 46 minutes. And he's like, yeah, he can hold a note. I was like, so what prevents you from holding it for two hours? You could. It's just boredom. Did you just stop that day in the record shop? Look, physically, it might be hard to have all that pressure on your mouth for that period of time.

It's not that easy. When you got to, let's say, 46 minutes and 15 seconds, were you like, I can't do it anymore? No, actually, no. What happened was a piece, a drop of saliva got got in the read and the sound went like it went uh uh and the guy goes stop stop stop stop stop like fuck i didn't even i didn't even stop doing my thing i was like i didn't i didn't go oh i know it wasn't technically held uh yeah he had some meter he was reading and it's like oh it's got to go along with these parameters i said okay cool so if that didn't happen how long were you prepared and thinking you were gonna go like

forever you'll be down there to this day just uh i was thinking probably if i got to well first of all it never been done before and i don't think i ever held a note longer than like 10 minutes just because there was no point so once i was past like 20 minutes i thought shit how long is this thing gonna happen that was 30 that was 40 i went whoa this is i said now i gotta go to an hour i gotta get to an hour and i was i i was so bored i know i know you gotta put something on tv or something while you're doing it people were there watching and i just literally felt so sorry for them yes watching me do that and going go do something else for a while. I would, I would watch a live stream and I would tune in like, all right,

are you still going to go to work? I'll come back. I think if you do it now and you, and you can last, like you don't have a saliva mishap and it goes on a long time. I think that would be a, I think that there would be interest in that. Maybe I'm just being for myself because I'm obsessed with this. Maybe I should like ask like Fallon or one of Kimmel or something and say, look, put me backstage with whatever gadgets and I'll start holding the note. You do your show. It's an hour show.

Sure. Just keep cutting back. Keep cutting back. Keep cutting back. Don't make me laugh, obviously. I laugh, I'm going to lose it. But then maybe that's the way to do it. I don't know i i would definitely do it man i think the internet would eat that up these days what was there um grow like when was the the moment uh like how old were you i guess when

you became kenny g like was what was like the tipping point for you did you have a specific appearance or a show where all of a sudden it was like, I'm famous? Yeah. So in the documentary, I tell, I talk about this. So I'll tell you again, just so it's people that haven't seen the documentary. I'm not saying you got to watch it or anything. So, but this is the main thing. So in 1986, I was on the Johnny Carson show. So you young people now, you know, it as Jimmy Fallon show. And also Jay Leno used to host the Tonight Show. Okay. But when Johnny Carson hosted, there was no Kimmel. There was no Late Show.

There wasn't an Oprah. There wasn't an Ellen. There wasn't anything except the Johnny Carson show. So you got to understand that all the talk shows combined that you know of today in the entire world if you take the johnny carson show it's all of those shows combined times a million okay so if you're on the johnny carson show you you and you do well you've made your career right you're on the johnny carson show and you bomb your career is over it's done completely done you're you are going to be known as the guy that sucks.

That's crazy. That's a lot of pressure. That's a lot of fucking pressure. It is. So I had a manager at the time who was managing this guitar player named George Benson. George Benson was the most famous guitarist in the world at the time. So Johnny Carson wanted George Benson on the show. My manager, God bless him. He said, look, you want George Benson? You got to have the saxophone kid. We don't want him. We don't want a sax player on the show. Well, you can't have with me. As I was telling you earlier, like there was no place for my music. Everybody's telling me not to do these instrumental stuff. And the record company had put out a vocal song with me playing a sax solo. And I said, people are going to think I'm the vocalist. That's okay. They'll like the song.

They'll come. They'll listen to it. They'll read the liner notes and they'll find out, oh, Kenny G, he's the sax player. Oh, listen, let's listen to more things. I said, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of in my life. But hey, that's what was happening. I'm on the Johnny Carson show to play the vocal single because it's actually doing really well. And this is going to be a big moment for the single.

It's going to make everything happen. And the record's going to and the record company, they're just salivating. And everybody's man, they're going, man, play the single. It's going to make everything happen. And the record company, they're just salivating. And everybody's, man, they're going, man, play the single. It's going to be so great. Okay. So as the curtain's going up and it's a live show. So it's not like what we have now is where they tape it. And if you say the word fuck, they can, you know, they edit it out or they bleep it.

Or, you know, there's no bleeping, no nothing. It was way before that wardrobe malfunction thing. That's what started it all right right before that it was just live let it rip yeah people knew to behave themselves okay so the curtain's going up it's live right now here it goes i look to the guys my band i go play my song songbird and the guys are going there my guys are going like what what wait didn't you hear what they said yeah yeah play song but start playing right now. And we start playing this instrumental against everybody's wishes, right? Now, the guy that booked me is standing behind.

I'd never been on TV before. Never. So I don't even know what's being on TV like. So the curtain goes up. All I see is black. I see space. I see cameras. I can't see a person, but I can see the guy that booked me.

And he's going like this. What the fuck? Yeah. And he's going like this. What the fuck? Yeah. And he's doing this. And I'm playing my little beautiful song and I'm watching this guy going, he's really mad.

I'm thinking, that guy's really mad. And I actually don't care. Dude, that's a crazy move. First time on TV, you just described how important it is, and you throw an audible at the last possible second. You're a madman. Okay, so that

happens. He comes back after the performance. You're never going to be on the show again. How dare you take this opportunity? We didn't even want you on the show. You're a freaking sax player. We did you this favor, and you do this? Oh, my God. You're not playing on anyone's show. You are blah, whatever, blah, blah, blah. And I went up and said, look, the show you're a freaking sax player right did you do this favor and you do this oh my god you're you're not playing on anyone's show you are black whatever blah blah yeah and i went up and said

look i've been watching johnny carson since i was a kid i had to play the song from my heart i had to i'm so sorry so monday morning clive davis who i'm with clive davis the famous clive davis he gets a meeting with people and they go, hey, Clive, there's this response to this instrumental the guy played on The Tonight Show. We got to support this. This is the new single, Clive. Forget the old single. This is it. And so Clive says he starts writing letters to all the radio programmers around the country and said, listen, I need a favor. I gave you Whitney. I gave you Dionne Warwick. I gave you Barry Manilow. I need a favor. I gave you Whitney. I gave you Dionne Warwick. I gave you Barry Manilow. I need a favor.

You've got to play this instrumental. And they say, yes, Clive. And the thing becomes a huge hit. My career becomes my career. And six months later, they call from Johnny Carson. They say, hey, we want you back. Please play Songbird. Wow, man.

How about that? That is like a story. Like you truly threw that Hail Mary up. That's the reason that you guys is like a story. Like you truly. That's the reason that you guys even know of me. That's the reason right there. If I played the other song, I might just have been forever a background sax player with vocal music. And that might have been my career. So that happens.

And and you're like off to super stardom. Is there are there like saxophonist groupies? I suppose so. Yeah? That was the most like, yeah, yeah, there it is, without saying it. I mean, are you dabbling in that? Speaking of saxophone groupies, actually,

and you mentioned earlier mouth pressure, and I feel like you had to know this was going to come up at some point. Well, with you guys, anything's going to come up. The Seinfeld episode. Was there any consultation with Kenny G there? I don't know what that is. I know it's what episode. You don't know John Germain?

No. Oh. I don't know this. Get out of town, Kenny G. You know about John Germain? Tell the man. Those words that you just said mean absolutely nothing to me. All right.

We'll wrap up on this. But here's what happened. Elaine starts dating a saxophonist, hot new saxophonist in town. Oh. John Germain is his name. But Elaine has a massive problem with John Germain. John Germain doesn't perform moral sex on Elaine. So throughout the episode, she's trying to get John Germain to go down on her,

and then she finally convinces him to because he decided to add a new move to his repertoire. But that night at the club is when all the scouts are coming, the music execs. However, him and Elaine go have a quickie. He comes out on stage. John Germain can't play the sax execs. However, him and Elaine go have a quickie. He comes out on stage. John Germain can't play the saxophone more.

John Germain's tongue is tapping out, Kenny G. Awesome. Are there certain activities or foods or anything that you have to protect that mouth over? Wow. Kenny G, what that mouth over. Wow. Look at, I can, all I can say is this. What that mouth do. Okay. Obviously he really wasn't a real sax player because honestly my,

okay. This is what I do for a profession. I used my tongue, my lips, my mouth, my fingers. They are all the strongest of anyone in the world. I can handle any situation.

And I mean, I'm pretty much a pro in all of that area. Hey! No! Bennett! Bennett! Hey! Man, that's why. I'm professional, what do you want to say?

That's why the groupies are coming. That experience would have just, that would have just been a warmup for me for my gig. I wouldn't have been tapped out. See, that's why you don't know the name John Germain. He's not real. Not a real sax player. He's no Kenny G.

That's for goddamn sure. Could you do that for 46 minutes straight? How long could you hold that position, Kenny? Oh, bro. Listen, there's no – it could be endless. Endless. I've got muscles up here that are so developed that no one in the world has. Yo, we got to turn this interview off before Kenny G steals my girlfriend.

I'm getting too hot over here. God damn. I'm going to be like that guy, you know that movie, like, Good Luck Chuck? Like, they just got to try me out. I got to try that out. Take Kenny G's mouth for a ride. You are the man. That is so funny.

And you know what's funny? He's not joking. We haven't even talked about the horn part. All right, man. You see the size of those things right there? The size of that? Size matters. Size does matter.

Oh, man. Oh, my God. Absolutely legendary. All right, so the documentary is out now. New album as well, right? Yep. Brand new album. It's out last week called New Standards.

Love that it's – listen, it takes me a long time to make a record. I'm so happy it's out. Awesome. So happy. Because for me to be happy with it, it takes a record. I'm so happy it's out. Awesome. So happy. Because if you need to be happy with it, it takes a while. And if you want to do the world record live stream, we'll set it up at Barstool for you. Yeah, hell with Falton.

You don't need Falton to do it. We'll do some live show stuff. Sounds good. And we'll pop back and forth. You can maybe be on stage with us, or you can be wherever you need to be, and we'll put it on screen. I'm telling you, you said earlier you're not the type of guy to go chasing exposure and stuff like that. Kenny G doesn't have to do that.

But it would be a good deal of exposure. I swear to God. And then afterwards we'll watch you go down on something. It'll be a whole thing. It'll be a whole experience. So look. Give me some circular reading. So the way that this thing works, this long tone thing.

Yeah. And by the way, you're going to have a field day with this. So I'm just going to works, this long tone thing. Yeah. And by the way, you're going to have a field day with this, so I'm just going to give it to you right now. While I'm blowing, I'm inhaling at the same time. I can be down there for a long period of time. It's funny how it works. Let my horn warm up a second so the reed

so the reed on there it has to be wet to work I'm sorry yes it does Kenny that's how it works this is sax technical jargon

Yeah, yeah Okay, so, watch this I'm not doing it right Hold on, hold on Get out of town! For 46 minutes. See, I can keep going. I'm not out of air. Do you see me breathing now?

Yeah. I mean, it's much more, you see everything flexing. It sounds like New York City rush hour to someone on the horn. I know, I know. See how annoying that can be for an hour? Now that's all I'm going to try forever. And I was, nope, can't do it. I'm going to be down there. I'm going to try forever. And I was, hmm. I'm going to be down there.

I'm going to be down there and all salts are breathing. For you guys, it's just going to be Cialis. But I don't care. Kenny G, man, it was an honor. Thank you so much, dude. Absolute pleasure, Kenny. Thank you so much. I'm sorry that we got down into the gutter, but we did.

That's where we live. We're sorry we brought you down into the gutter, but we did. That's where we live. We're sorry. We brought you down. Hey, I'll go down there anytime with you guys. I enjoy it. Yeah, you will.

No, no pun intended. Have a good one, Kenny. All right, guys. Bye. Take care. សូវាប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់� Thank you. Bye.