KFC Radio - Nate Bargatze Returns! | We Challenge You to Beat Us in a TV Watching Marathon - Full Episode

Episode Date: February 21, 2023

- the munchies have made the guys eat insane amounts of ice cream - Feits is taking an overnight train and sleeping in a roomette for the first time - KFC loves planes and airports - Video Voicemails - something thats been ruined for you - one thing that a fan could challenge you to - Amsterdam hostel story Nate Bargatze talks about playing speed golf with Mark Wahlberg, his awkward interaction with Feits, and much more. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 00:00:00 Start 00:00:34 Bad case of the munchies 00:14:01 Overnight Train 00:19:18 KFC loves planes and airports 00:26:10 Video Voicemails 00:57:15 - Nate Bargatze Interview ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Sportsbook: Must be 21+ Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER ++++++++++++++++++++++++++You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. What are you going to say? Nothing. Yeah, say it. I have run into an issue. Say it. No, I don't want to talk about it.

I'm just going to be quick about it. I'll be quick about it. Are you ready for that? Are you ready for that? It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. I have made a promise to myself that I will stop eating a pint of ice cream a night. Yeah? Yeah. I got to stop. I mean, I got to stop.

I just got to stop. Stop. Stop. I disagree with that. I think that I'm older than you. I can't be eating a pint of ice cream pushing 40. Bro, I... But also, it's not doing anything to me. Yeah.

I'm not getting... I mean, I'm not in great shape. It's because you've been cool sculpting. I wish. If cool sculpting worked, you could catch me fucking strapped in every day. I mean, I got fatter. I made the jump like from like the 185 to like the 195 200 pounds like that's where i fluctuate now and uh that's like my new

plateau where i'm just like okay i've accepted that i have to buy new clothes and all that and you know if i was just like eating a pound a pint a night and getting like super fat i'd be like i gotta stop this but i'm not so i really don't want to you're doing a full pint a night bro for months what's what's the calorie count in a full month like i've probably spent it's got to have a thousand like a thousand oh i think it's like 1400 i think it's so many calories very specific to think i think it's like 14 50 i'm pretty sure that's it the um i mean i i i i'll say this and i think this is a sign of maturity i can't put down a pint anymore i just don't see i don't have the ability i i can do like i can do a half pint and i can do it a half pint doesn't even put a fucking dent in my i make sure i keep it very flat at all times, which is a bizarre way...

What does that mean? Do you not eat ice cream like that? Does anyone here eat ice cream like that? Oh, like the top of your... Some people dig it on the side. No, no. Yeah, I... I like...

I Zamboni that shit kind of. Like a... Not raising it, but like... Yeah, kind of raising it. Yeah. What do you mean? It is a... I keep a very tidy

pint of ice cream some people make a mess it's just like digging on a whole side it is no no my point ice cream 400 calories per serving two and a half servings so that's good it's only a thousand 400 calories two and a half servings it's like you're close to 1,400. It's 1,000. 400, 400, 200. Yeah. Yeah. You fucking moron. That checks out. That checks out.

But I'm saying like 38 grams of carbs. If I ain't eating the ice cream, I'm doing something else that's giving me the same shit. Yeah. Yeah. I guess you're right. Actually, I have a new pint of ice cream. Who's her name? Like Anna Duvaney or something like that? Anna something.

Anna fucking. She makes ice cream? She, like Ben & Jerry's has a flavor for her. Who the fuck? Anna Du. I feel like you should only be getting a Ben & Jerry's flavor if you are, like, super famous. Yeah, I was surprised. I was surprised.

Ava DuVernay. Who the fuck is that? I recognize her face and the name, but read the fucking ingredients of this. This is... Go back. It says she's the first black woman what? Taught everyone Ben and Jerry's? Yeah.

Those racist fucks. Ben jerry's have not served a black person since 1872 what the lights caramel action oh i might like ava's what is it oh this is the one you had in uh in uh and i fucking secretly wanted it and i was like do you want this one you were like i don't know we can switch if you want. I was like, no, it's fine. I definitely wanted this one. Yeah. Salted caramel swirls. See, the problem is I like caramel ice cream. Everything is vanilla with caramel this and that. I want the whole fucking ice cream to be caramel. But graham crackers, swirls, and gobs of chocolate chip cookie dough.

Oh, Ava, talk dirty to me, girl. Flames. I have a half pint. We are going to somehow revitalize and rejuvenate our ice cream flavor. Oh, yeah? Yes. For people who don't know, we had ice creams picked out, flavoring and product done, artwork ready to go. The plug got pulled on the whole thing. I had an espresso martini ice artwork ready to go. The plug got pulled on the whole thing.

I had an espresso martini ice cream ready to rock. We had waffle flavors. I had other – we had cookie dough with – Waffle chunks. The proper amount of cookie dough in it. We were about to change the ice cream game. And then something fucking happened. But it's like we're over on our island.

Let us make our own ice cream. Whatever. You guys can say no over here at Barstool. you know something fucking happened but it's like you know we're over on our island let her make let us make our own ice cream whatever you guys can say no over here at barstool that these guys over here at barstool say yes fucking a the uh i i don't have an ice cream situation i have a i have a food situation as a whole i have a i have a i get high situation and just just just to let people know how how i'm a man of podcast integrity. I knew that that was the point of this conversation, and I threw myself on the fucking fire to talk about my own horrible eating habits to present your topic. So you're welcome. Actually, I would be curious how many calories I'm eating because I'm just getting high, and I'm just eating.

It's crazy. I know. Well, your sober eating is actually out of control. My sober eating is? Like when you eat dinner and you'll be like, I got three Parmesans and two burgers. Oh, I was high. You were always high when you did that? Yeah, yeah.

Okay. No, my sober eating is pretty fine. My high eating is, I think it's because I didn't smoke weed when I was supposed to. I didn't start smoking weed when I was supposed to start smoking weed. So I'm doing all the childish weed things now. I get so stereotypically high. The giggles and the faces tingly.

I can't open my eyes. Yes. Yes. Yeah, I think that's right. I think those people like – I know people who will drive cross-country fucking stone. Right, right. Dude, I can't even walk to the bathroom right now. I can't see anything.

Dude, I did not go downstairs last night to get more candy. I'm done. I'm like, dude, I can't even walk to the bathroom right now. I can't see anything. Dude, I did not go downstairs last night to get more candy. I'm done. I'm done. But I'm putting down – can you Google the like popsicles that begin with an O? I know it's fucking whatever. But let's just figure out how many calories are in it. Because last night I put down – I got a bunch of Mexican food, killed it. Half a pint of ice cream, killed it. Then went and got a box of Mexican food killed it half pint of ice cream killed it

then went and got a box of popsicles when you say half pint of ice cream killed it right there outshine yep outshines bro I bet you those are like 15 calories you're gucci it's frozen water with a little bit of drops in it

I kind of think I'm fine too so these are 6 packs no I rack 12 packs but we can just double it up um i do i took down last night i took down 12 popsicles yeah look at that bro that's nothing 70 but what's 70 times 12 it's like a thousand no you're doing you're doing six of them right no i'm doing 12 oh well then yeah that's uh that's what 8? No, I'm doing 12. Oh. Well, then, yeah. That's what? 840? Yeah.

So I'm doing 1,000 calories. Last night, I fell asleep at midnight. That's not worth 1,000 calories. You might as well do it. I'm doing creamy and fucking chocolate. No. Dude, these are better. Last night, I fell asleep at midnight, and I had eaten eight popsicles, and I woke up on the couch at 4am and was like

might as well whack those other four and then so I sat on the couch that's a like that's not a hunger thing that's a good determination thing bro I sat on the couch in the dark TV wasn't even on I was like I'm just gonna whack these four popsicles and I'm gonna go to bed

and I just sat there yeah when you're doing that it's a big question in the world of popsicles and a lot of people are about to take their headphones off and go do you bite into your your popsicle no i then it takes forever to eat four of them dude uh not that long as long as you think you're just deep throwing that shit just i like i suck it going adriana on that i suck it enough until I can crack it. And then I crack it off.

That's biting. No, biting is biting. This is like I kind of use leverage. So it's like snap it off. Okay. And then I – And you put that in your mouth? And I shove – because it's gotten soft enough, I push it into the roof of my mouth with my tongue.

And that kind of makes it disintegrate into like a – The roof of your mouth goes from a and that kind of makes it disintegrate into like a you're you're the roof of your mouth goes from a tunnel to a like a paved over parking lot so i like and then it kind of turns like a slushy type deal in my mouth and then i kind of push it around for a little bit yeah and then maybe oh my nipples are getting hard uh and then i and then maybe there's a little biting from there on out like you go go half, half. You go top, rotate the popsicle. Bottom, rotate it. And then I go basically there.

I don't have a problem doing it. I'm not biting it. I'm not chewing it. I can do that, but I understand where people get fucked up by that. Yeah. It is a very strange. It's kind of like you're chewing on styrofoam or something like that. But I could easily bite into.

Some are worse than others, but I could bite into that shit no problem because I'm a fucking man. If you can't bite into your ice pop, you're a pussy. If you can't bite into your ice pop, it's because you have so many cavities. It's crazy because you keep falling asleep eating popsicles and don't brush your teeth. I remember

there was a time where I got made fun of for not brushing my teeth. No, you would go in a bed and not brushing your teeth. Yeah, so were you. You're passing out. No, I'm falling asleep. Yeah, that's even worse. Before I go to bed, I brush my teeth.

You're going to a fucking food coma. When I wake up on the couch. With food melting around your teeth. Your teeth are just encased. But I will wake up at some point and brush them before bed. I fall asleep on the couch and I'll brush them in two hours, three hours when I wake up. I got no cavities and my teeth are fucking, and my breath is good. Fuck you.

I don't know what to do. It's like they gotta come up. I'm sure this exists to an extent but not fully. They gotta just come up with some weed that doesn't give you the munchies. Because it's like

I'll swap one vice for another. It's like, alright, I'm going to stay away from this and I won't drink anymore, but I'm going to smoke some weed and then all of a sudden you're going to be addicted to sugar. My buddy was going through the same exact issue. I think it is. I think we just either have to smoke longer or should have started smoking earlier. My buddy's like, I had to stop smoking weed because

I just eat too... He had to buy all new pants. Yeah, absolutely. Because he's shitting in them too. It's like, I had to stop smoking weed because I just eat too. He had to buy all new pants. Yeah, absolutely. Because he's shitting in them too. It's like an unstoppable hunger that I could eat everything put in front of me. Dude, remember the porn series back in the day? Asa has one called Insatiable. Yeah.

And I am insatiable at an Asa has one called Insatiable. Yeah. And I am insatiable at an Asa Akira type level. Yes. One size fits all. I'm gang banging myself with fucking snacks. Bro, it's not. This one here,

this one there. I'm putting food up my ass. It's a whole thing. Last night I did, I had three tacos arabes, which I don't know how I just learned about tacos arabes. Did you know about tacos arabes?

I don't know. Do you know about tacos arabes? You should know. That's learned about taco sarrabes. Did you know about taco sarrabes? I don't know. Do you know about taco sarrabes? You should know. That's like a California thing. It's just fucking tacos, but on a corn tortilla, bigger, wrapped up like a burrito. Say it again? It's like a- A taco?

It's a corn tortilla. I'm sorry, a flour tortilla. A flour tortilla. And it's like a burrito size, but it's a taco amount of meat, so it's almost like a skinny burrito. Okay. And they're so much better than burritos size, but it's a taco amount of meat. So it's almost like a skinny burrito. Okay. And they're so much better than burritos. Yeah, because burritos are so fucking stupid.

They are. I had that Mexican truck that I watched. I watched out my window like a dog waiting for it to come. And when it comes every night to get all the Mexican guys doing construction. Yeah. And I watch out the window. And I'm like, and when it comes, I'm like, here, it's here, it's here, it's here. And I run out the door and I go get in line

Dude, last night the truck pulled up and then because of the food truck, they have to set up they have to get the fucking generator out they have to open the fucking thing I was just standing there Check it out, check it out Whenever you're ready

And then once they get in the truck, they have to set up the food line And they have to cook it it was like 15 minutes and I was just standing there I'm good they must have been like setting up what is this fucking weirdo

it was bizarre that's what they are so it's like a that's not how my guy that looks like a pita are we talking fully rolled fully rolled no opening

my guy's fully rolled yeah it's like a giant Mexican food blunt. I thought maybe I hadn't heard of it and it wasn't that popular, but there are two Mexican food trucks that park outside my apartment. They both serve taco ceraves, so I feel like it's got to be a thing. Let me ask you something.

When was the last time you had queso dip? I cannot find anywhere that serves queso dip. And I feel like I've eaten it recently. But every Mexican restaurant I go to, they're like, no, we don't have queso. Like Chipotle has it. Javelina in the East Village does. Melted dip chips in it? Because I've been getting a lot of this queso fundito, which is like a harder cheese.

No. It's fucking weird, man. No, Javelina for sure has queso. Okay, good to know. Where's Javelina? Javelina with a J. I think it's in the East Village. I always order it, so I've actually never been to the restaurant.

But I think it's on the East side. Very, very good. But the, what was I going to say? Oh, I got a question for you So I'm going to DC this weekend Okay And I got a train ticket yesterday And I was like

You know what I'm going to Steal the Declaration of Independence I'm going to get a I've never been on a train where this is the option Like I got a roomette I've never been on a train where this is the option. Are you going to get a sleeper car? I got a roomette.

I've always wanted to do this. I got a roomette. Not that expensive. Is it $400? Is this on Acela? No, it's on a train called the Crescent 19. I've always wanted to do this. It is – I think it's going to be terrible, but I at least want to try it.

I think it's going to be terrible too. I think it's going to be pretty underwhelming. I think it is not designed for people of your size because i i like googled it um i googled it and like there were videos of it and it's not super impressive like i have got it in my head oh that's not bad well wait that looks like two chairs no am i wrong yeah it's two chairs but I think they turn into beds. Google Crescent 19 roomette. My question is, I have in my head, oh, no, that's Flames.

Yo, that's so cozy. I'd love to. Oh, yeah, baby. Oh, I want it. That is sick. Yo, let's do this. Next time we go on tour to a reasonably close place that can do trains. Let's do this. I think DC is probably going to be our only chance because these don't exist going to Boston.

This train is too short. But it's the same distance. It's like a four-hour train ride. Boston's four hours train. I feel like Boston's four hours because of the stops and shit. No? Whatever. Either way.

Yeah. Then we'll do DC and we'll go down. I mean, we almost... Oh, let's see what this video looks like. First of all, it looks super skinny, that fucking hallway. It's tight. That looks a little tiny. It's tight.

Yeah. I did it when I was like eight and it was really tight. Really? I had a hard time fitting. An eight-year-old jacket, a hard time fitting? Yeah. I mean, it could have been... Okay, that lock is a good note.

Because I was going to ask. Basically, obviously, my question is, can I pound off on that? There's windows you got to make sure there's not. But there's got to be like a shade, right? Yeah, there it is. Oh, man. I just got to turn sideways. So that's basically two chairs.

So it's almost like you have a Metro North foursome to yourself or LIRR foursome to yourself with a wall. I'm about it, man. I like that cozy shit. Is that a toilet? No, it's just a sink. Oh, that would be gross if that was a toilet. Yeah, yeah.

That'd be loose if it was a toilet. Imagine you're shitting next to your bed like that. You know what I've learned is i love i don't like traveling because of the like pack and go to the airport and lug it around and all that shit what i've come to love there is a toilet right underneath the sink is a toilet that's crazy i'm not gonna piss in there that's crazy but that means it also smells already. That means like a lot of people have pissed on that seat. Like, right? Like, I mean, yeah, because

the train hits, jumps. Totally. And there's no way they clean this down the way they should. I can pound off then. I can pound off in this room covered in urine. John just was like, okay, this room is disgusting and unsanitary. Okay, I can jerk off.

What else we got here? And this is how the bed comes down. Oh, I thought you just slept in those chairs. No, no, no. There's a bed too. A bed with a seatbelt. Like I'm going to space. Yeah, this will be fun.

That'll be fun. Look at me, mom. I'm an astronaut. I'm going to space. Space construction worker. Yo, that is very fun looking. But it's very funny to just think you're fucking jerking off in a dirty shit and piss-filled train room. Looking at the fucking sights out the window.

Like, look at that. What is that? The fucking Washington Monument? How much did it cost? Like, 400 bucks? Regular ticket was like 250. And if you're gonna, like, fly or anything, it's probably like a similar... I'm about it, man. We were gonna go all the way to Atlanta. Remember that?

We were gonna ride the rails. Me fights and Coley Mick. Because Coley got vertigo and couldn't go on a plane. And the Super Bowl was down in Atlanta, and he was invited to it, so he was going to ride the rails. And we ended up not doing that. You bailed. Because we came to our senses and realized that it takes like 36 hours. That's really what stopped me is because I had the kids.

I have to make those trips as short as I can back during that period of my lifetime. So I was like, I can't add on another day and a half on either side to fucking take the train. I gotta go on Sunday. And also that train got held up for like a day. Yeah. A tree had fallen on the track.

The whole thing gets fucked. Coley was like a day late, if I remember correctly. But all that aside, I was looking forward to it to it man that just feels like one of those things it's like it's like going through the car wash as a kid you know you're like in the little fucking thing it's night out you you know fucking throw the cover over you it's fun the biggest amtrak fans alive are like biting than me like i'm uh i i love the train i think the train well so i always say what i love about the plane and it applies to the train as well i the like four anywhere four to eight hours we did recently hours that i'm on a plane i'm it's just my time. On a plane? Yes. Yeah. Because even when I'm home and I'm doing nothing,

I'm like, I could go over and see the kids right now. I could clean this apartment. I could do another One Minute Man video. There's literally always something that I can do. Yeah. And I have crazy guilt and overworkness in me that I just am always like, if I'm doing nothing,

I'm very bad at doing nothing. Now I used to be the king of it. Now I get nervous. I get, I get like jittery. I get guilty. But when I'm like, I'm in this plane,

there ain't nothing to do. Yeah. I cannot possibly reach my kids. I cannot fix the apartment. I can't, I guess I can like write a blog, but that's really it. So I'm like,

I'm just going to like play video games and watch a movie and eat these shitty meals. The meals are nice. I know. That I guess I can write a blog, but that's really it. So I'm like, I'm just going to play video games and watch a movie and eat these shitty meals, have a drink. The meals are nice. I know. That's what I mean. I like them. I enjoy it all. And I'm just like, this is bliss.

Yeah. Because even when we get to the hotel, it's like, all right, I'm going to go up to the hotel room and lay down. It's like, no, we're going to go out. We're going to do this. We're going to do that. We're going to do that. You know when Luis says the is when I walk around the car

That's his vacation My piece is just like the Before take off and landing I don't care the destination It's the plane People who don't like travel I don't get Traveling is the best It doesn't matter where the destination is

I like being in an airport I love you go to the bar i actually i actually part of me i want to abolish the two-hour thing because i think it gives people anxiety and it's weird and shit but also i i advocate go like four hours early yeah oh hit a buffalo wild wings hit the palm have a steak you know do whatever they got the massage places you buy these little trinkets i love being at the airport i love being in the air i think what happened there was a time and is this yours i think maybe chases but whatever there there came a time where i flipped a switch and I went from caring about like,

oh, I'm stuck in traffic and I'm going to be late. Or like I would get out of work and I'm taking the subway uptown and there'd be train traffic. And I'd be like, fuck, I just want to get home. And now I'm going to be a half hour late and I'm going to miss the first half of the game. Or dinner is going to be late now or whatever. And now I reached a point as a man where I'm like, I don't care about that.

It doesn't matter. Yeah, it's just like part of it is I said this before. You have your phone. So if you're late, if you're stuck in traffic or the train is delayed or whatever, it's like, well, when I get to my destination, I'm going to sit on the couch and look at my phone. So what's the difference if I'm sitting on the train looking at my phone but I also like if you ask me to do something and someone's like oh never mind that's like an hour away

I'm like I don't care what's an hour? what's one hour? what's an hour and a half? I don't fucking care I'll go do it whatever you want I used to be the guy who would sit in my apartment and I'd have lift open and I'd be like nope I can wait 10 more minutes before I used to be the guy who I would sit in my apartment and I'd have Lyft open. And I'd be like, nope, I can wait 10 more minutes before I go to the airport.

Yeah. Now you're stressing and you're late. But now I could have a 6 p.m. flight. I'd be like, I have nothing going on the rest of the day. Yes. Might as well go higher. That's the thing. When we were getting ready one time, we were all sitting around here.

And I was like, well, let's just move this there. And then we don't have to worry about if there's an accident or a delay or whatever. This is some dad shit. It is. It's totally dad shit. Let's just leave crazy early. But also, I'm looking to leave crazy early, I guess, partly to save the stress. But also, I want to go drink there.

That's the thing. It's born out of like the world has become so uh like entertainment in your fingertips that it doesn't matter if we do it here or there so you might as well do it there so that you're like good you know it's not like like back in the day when you he would rush you there and then you sit there you have nothing to do it's like what the fuck dad but it's like let's just get there we'll hit the bar you can watch your ipad i can have a drink you know there's just no reason to to like cut it short at all you know i hate fucking up if i fuck up time now i'm like i had hours to get here and i literally was doing nothing nothing yeah no i love that that the

plane ride though oh especially if you get in first class. The L.A. pods that we had flying back from L.A.? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was the best experience of my life. I asked the plane to do another loop. I was like, can you bring me back to L.A.? We need a party bus? Yes. Don't go to the club.

Let's just hit the highway. It's like, let's not leave the tailgate. We don't want to go to the game. I'd rather fly in circles in first class, eating their snacks and drinking their booze and laying down with their blanket. They have the eye mask. Working with their older woman. They have a toothpick.

Yeah, you try to fuck a cougar or two. It's fucking amazing. Anyway, let's do some voicemails. What do we got? Now, I know when it comes to gambling, we've got some of the best in the business. And when I say best, I mean the absolute worst, but some of the most entertaining and real authentic gambling guys in the business in Dan and Dave. And then I trust on the other side of things with Penn that we have some of the smartest guys in the game running our app and running the Barstool Sportsbook. I'm not so sure though

because when i look at this new this new uh prop that we're running you use promo code kfc on your first bet and if it loses you get a thousand dollars in free barstool sports cash i start to think to myself does anybody know what the fuck they're doing here dan and dave a couple of clowns losing bets left and right and then the people who are smart are out here offering you $1,000 in free cash if your first bet loses? I don't know. Listen, I am no gambling expert. I just don't understand how it works.

All I do know is that if you sign up for the Barstool Sportsbook right now and use promo code KFC, if that bet loses, you get $1,000 in cash to play with. Am I supposed to be out here rooting for my bets to lose? What happens if you win? It's madness. Download the sports book. If you're in a state that's eligible right now, you got all the best props, all the fun ways to gamble with all the Barstool guys. You can ride with Dan or Dave, or you can fade them them i recommend fading them uh and if you use promo code kfc like i said even if that first bet loses you get a thousand dollars in barstool sports cash to play with uh if you or anyone you know have a gambling

problem call 1-800-GAMBLER today sign up at the barstool sports book with promo code kfc hey boys what is something you have in your brain you wish you didn't? Because AO Technology just came on, and if it ever does, all I think about is, fights used to like to have sex to this song. Wait, what? Something like that. I used to have sex to this song. Also, side question for KFC.

How many protein matters do you think are still listening? Okay, bye. Okay, so first of all, not only did I used to have sex to A.O. Technology, I used to jerk off to A.O. Technology. Like on purpose? Like you'd put it on and then start jerking? Dude, it's got such a good beat. Oh, what?

You got a jerk off song? It was like, it wasn't... This is insane. It wasn't like, it wasn't an every time thing, but it was like... Alright, I gotta jerk off. Hang on. It was like, it wasn't. This is insane. It wasn't like, it wasn't an every time thing, but it was like. All right, I got to jerk off. Hang on. It was. I remember, I vividly remember doing it once.

I assume it happened more than once, but I was doing it in my. Special. That has been your answer for a lot of like ATI questions and shit. It's dude. It's a lot of technology. It's horn. It's a very, very, very horn. You know what's the horniest song in the world? It's a horny song. It's a horny... It's a very, very, very horny song. You know what the horniest song in the world is?

It's erotic. Way ahead of its time, Digital Get Down. I don't know if I remember that one. It's Digital Get Down. It's about using your camera and shit, like phones, to fucking have like... Pound sessions? Yeah.

That was like early 2000s. Yeah. I don't really remember digital get down. I don't either. But I know that it's about using your fucking technology to come. I'm trying to think what in like what was. Actually, you want to know another very common answer of mine? I wish I didn't have the thing about the pirates in my brain.

Yeah, that one sucks. That one sucks. Yeah. If you don't remember, it is... I read a book when I was, like, a child that pirates used to blow the candles out below deck when they ate so they didn't see the maggots on their food, and I cannot eat in anything other than, like, this kind of light.

Like, I need ring lights and fucking spotlights, fucking the fluorescent, really ugly, make-you-look-ugly lights of Walmart just on my food at all times to make sure there's no maggots. So I would love that to be out of my brain. I'd love that. Because guess what? All nice restaurants, it's dark. Dude, like the nicest. They dim the light at those restaurants. I'm like, I can't even read. Give me my reading glasses. I'm going to hold up, it's dark. Yeah. Dude, like the nicest- They dim the light at those restaurants. I'm like, I can't even read.

Give me my reading glasses. I'm going to hold up the candle to it. Yeah. The nicest restaurant in Newport, I have never been to. The White Horse Tavern in Newport. I cannot. It's too dark. Too dark to eat?

It is like solely candle. Yeah. I can't eat there, guys. I don't know what to tell you. I'd love to have a steak, there. Here, it's delicious. Can't go. I think I would like to... You know that...

I've mentioned this story before. I think it's being turned into a movie. The woman who got kidnapped and put underneath the bed. Yes. In between the bed. That fucks me up every day. I think about that all the time. Really?

What if she was there for like years yeah something something did they let they never let her out um knowing that there's a movie about it they must have like yeah because also they had like somebody would have had to caught catch like how do we know we we know the story because they must have got out right i guess they could have died and the police finally got them or whatever and found like a body but i'm pretty sure you can't even eat. I think they would let them out, torture them, whatever, put them back in. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jesus. That fucks with me so bad. I like it just. You know what part of me wishes I didn't have my brain? Even though I like it, but I don't want to think about it anymore. Four gallons in a five gallon jug. Die hard. I still don't know the answer to that. I still don't want to think about it anymore, four gallons in a five-gallon jug. Die hard. I still don't know the answer to that.

I still don't know how it works. I know the answer. I can do it. I just think about it too often. Really? Yep. I know it comes up all the time, and I know it's been answered, and I've heard the answer 10 million times. There's two different ways to do it.

I would still have no idea. You fill up the three. You pour it into the four. That means you have one gallon of empty. Right? No. Because if you have three gallons, you pour it into a four gallon. There's that three gallons, and then the top is one gallon worth of air.

Right. Right? So then you fill up the... You have a five and a... You have a five and a three, and you need 4, I think. I don't know. Okay, yeah, yeah. So you fill up the 5.

Sorry. Fill up the 3. Pour it into the 5. Then you have 2 free gallons of air, right? Then fill up the three again. Pour that into the five. Okay. That's two.

So now the five is full, and you have one gallon in the three gallons. Okay. Pour that one gallon into the five. Now you have one gallon in a five-gallon jug. Fill up the three a third time. Pour that into the five. Now you have one gallon in a five-gallon jug. Fill up the three a third time. Pour that into the five. It's three plus one is four. Okay.

But you can never say that back to me. I think I got it. Try to do it. No. Try to say it right now. So you fill up the three-gallon jug. Yep. Pour it into the five.

Right. Fill the three-gallon jug again. Pour it into the five. It's going to overflow eventually. You stop there. Now you have one gallon in there. Yep. Pour it into the five. Right. Fill the three gallon jug again. Pour it into the five. It's going to overflow eventually. You stop there. Now you have one gallon in there. Yep. Dump out the five gallon. Yep. Put that one in. Yep. Fill the three again. Yeah! Four gallons. Yeah!

That's the first time I've ever gotten that. Yeah! I know it is. I'm so proud of you. I will forget right now. Yeah. No, no. This is going to stick. You're going to remember this one. You're going to remember this one. And I wish I didn't because it just all day. It's not even like it's a puzzle. I don't know.

I can answer it. But it is. I always have to try to remember it. And I just sit there and I go, and then it's done. I do it in my head. And then I just like move on to the next thing. But it's like, I don't know why I did that. Rather not.

I've just wasted the last like 60 seconds doing that that is crazy um and then her follow-up question though is one that is is is difficult and it hurts well she said how many uh preem team members you think still listen to the show the original there was about 5 000 at its peak early on. The preem team was the people. This is back when Dave didn't think podcasting was going to be anything, and we disagreed. So we were like, we're going to make KFC Radio. The original idea was to have a KFC Radio network with other podcasts.

I was like, if Dave's not going to do it, we should do it. And so we had an app that we would put out the regular episode, and then we would do a behind-the- paywall episode. That was more mail time. I don't think you guys were ever doing those. But we would do an extra episode behind the paywall in our app, and it was $1 a month, I think. Yeah. Because I remember being like, it's a quarter.

Are you explaining how you invented Patreon? Basically. Basically. We were doing it with Libssyn and they were like, we'll build you an app. We'll host your shows. We get 50% of everything. We were like,

well, 50% of that is better than 0% of zero, you know? So, um, we were doing like an early patron is $1 a month, fucking quarter a week. And,

um, I oftentimes would be so late on the free episodes but like the extra episodes but i would always catch up to them um and at its peak there was 5 000 people paying one dollar a month which at the time i was like you know five thousand dollars a month but it went right back into like server costs and all this shit that is like by the end of it it was like a thousand dollars profit um and then when churnin took over they were like dave either didn't know about this or didn't care about it i'm banking on didn't know and then when churnin took over and kind of did like an internal audit they were like yeah this is done because they wanted to do gold and all that shit so um i i think i like did i did like one more month of free episodes i think i did like one or two extra episodes because like if you just

signed out i'm gonna give you your like one episode you know and then we're shutting it down and the amount of people who were like you stole from us you fucking set this up and took this money knowing that it was going to end and blah blah blah and i was like no but even if i did it's one dollar dude it's a dollar fucking 10 10 dimes 20 nickels You're complaining about a handful of nickels. I complain about a nickels all the fucking time. But, yes, so that was 5,000. I would hope that, like, I mean, they were the diehard of the diehards. They were willing to pay for an extra podcast when that was not even, you know,

it was way before Patreon, way before any of this shit. They were willing to pay for a podcast i hope that they're still rocking i had a revelation recently good or bad bad oh no that's yourself my thinking of things you want to keep out of your brain my sister was she has this podcast she loves and she's always talking about it. And I was like, I'm not going to name names because I'm going to say mean things. And I was like, how's it going? What's up with the show? And she's like, I had to stop. I was like, what do you mean? I just got so sick of them.

Yeah, no, I got that. She's like, I just realized things about her that made me think of myself. And I was like, I'm not done forever, but I have to stop. Just say it and we'll beep it and I can react to it. It's a... Or whatever. It's... Or whatever.

And she was just so annoying and this and that. And I was like, that's when I was like, oh, man. I bet people get sick of me totally totally that is definitely true like and i i hate i kind of thought the same way it was like if you're in you're in it's a show you like to listen to like you know like when i watch a tv show i watch every week like that's my show i think we've been pretty real like i think we've stuck to the fucking script if you ask me what do you mean like what what we were doing fucking 11 years ago now pretty much doing to this day we haven't changed yeah i i would think so i i would think that they want us

to i think that's what's no well maybe but i also think that sometimes that's what people you know it's like oh i tune in for you know this and you turn into that yeah i don't want to listen to that anymore you know what i mean turn into here about fucking jalapenos getting stuck in dicks doing anal yeah i'm not trying to talk turns out we're talking about i i i think that those people also on top of enjoying were like the supporters of the movement you know yeah they're like the hipsters who were kind of like i was listening before they're cool but now those hipsters do sometimes like i don't like that band anymore yeah so maybe that happens but i would say i hope i hope it's like four thousand that would be nice yeah some people do like either their life changes they don't listen

to podcasts at all anymore or like they just grow to hate you or or be like annoyed by you or whatever that for sure happens i would think it's you know it sucks when i 2000 think i would think people who listen i wonder if i can like see the i still get people who will tweet me like their screen like their lock screen yeah i see the app on there um that was another yeah dave said uh uh podcasts aren't gonna work and apps aren't gonna work saturdays for the boys was stupid so was zillion beers fuck you you moron. Anyway, things I wish wasn't in my brain. Dave Sexty. Federal crime. Federal crime.

I've also never seen it. Good for you. Someone asked me about it literally yesterday. I was like, I don't know. I've never seen it. Why would I watch it? I've always said I'll watch anybody fuck. Yeah, I said that.

And then cars get put on the table. And I was like, not everybody. Rude. Next up, this guy's got the stunner shades. Next voicemail. This guy's got the stunner shades. Y'all probably won't see this before you see Bert. But I'm going to try it anyways.

I've been trying to challenge Bert to a disc off battle for 218 days now and I hope y'all can help me facilitate that so if you would like I would love for y'all to ask Bert about it and see if we can get something rolling because I already got some sponsors I'm ready to make it happen all we need is Bert to say yes so

come on I feel like Bert Kreischer is probably like outside of like disc golf professionals, let's say. The best disc golf player in the world. Really? I think he's just one of those dudes.

I bet you he... I mean, I've seen videos of him do it. He slings it. Is he good? Yeah. He's just good at that. Like everything, you know? i think he would like wax people in that shit what do you think the what do you think i i i i'm gonna guess he's not gonna accept this yeah uh i feel like burt is like i'll play disc golf like with like the pros and i'm gonna have it sponsored by like ford what do you think that one thing that burt would be willing to well actually i mean we can do burt what's one challenge you'd be willing to accept from like a fan like

this yeah um mind you someone is going to challenge you to it yeah um that changes things Hypothetically speaking Like we're not going to accept the challenge I was going to say I'm not going to do this What's a challenge you think you could do okay in? I'm not good at very many things That's so honest I'm not good at much

I think I'm actually very good at I think I could do good at like a game show type trivia that's not like – like when The Dozen does like five sports questions, I'm just like, I don't fucking know. Yeah, yeah. It's a weird brand of trivia that's like, you know, who was the linebacker for the 1983 Cornhuskers? I'm like, I don't fucking know. I'm never going to know. But I think like regular game show type questions, I think you could challenge me like that. I've said with the dozen that if the dozen question ends in a question mark, I'm probably not going to know the answer.

It's got to be something like you list. I can do like the lists I'm good at, the faces I'm good at, the songs I'm good at, and then my niche I'm good at. I guess radio, TV and movies I'm good at the songs i'm good at um and then my my niche i'm good at and then i guess radio uh tv and movies i'm good at yeah you're pretty good at um but i'm saying i don't know i'm pretty sure the the the blueprint is that when they're when the dozen is live the questions are a bit easier because you want people to score and you don't want it to be like three to two in the fucking ninth inning that's what it seems like frame um because i those three games four games whatever it was at the live show in arizona i had like 45 points i'm like

please let me play please let me play this i mean i got like every fucking thing right so i think like if it's some sort of trivia that's just a little less specific i think i know a lot about a little or a little about a lot you know um from just like our years of blogging yeah that kind of shit um you could challenge me to i think mine would basically just be push-ups and drinking. Those two things you're very good at. I could beat most of them. Nobody can stop you in drinking. Very, very few people. Very, very, very, very, very, very few people.

I'm surprised you haven't been tapped for a case race. I'm surprised you haven't been tapped for a case race. Who was I talking about doing one with? You're the only one that might be able to beat Shane. Because I think Shane's team just keeps winning yeah

he's like LeBron he carries you to the finals no matter what team you're on someone it was a girl was asking me I think it was in Arizona

it was like we should do a case race together I feel like I remember that too yeah I don't know who it would have been

you psycho I don't know who it would have been but it was someone where I was like I could see you being a good teammate I have no idea who it would have been. You psycho. I don't know who it would have been, but it was someone where I was like, I could see you being a good teammate. I have no idea who it would have been. But, yeah, a case study, I would be – I mean, look, I've drank with Shane a lot.

I take – Shane would be no easy task. Shane is just really impressive. You can drink alcohol And so can Shane But Shane drinks beer Yeah yeah yeah Like I don't know I don't think I've seen you Cause you usually are drinking whiskey

Like I don't think I've seen you Just whip Put down like 10 beers in like 10 minutes You know what I mean Yeah no that's I bet you could I think

Cause you're also just a garbage disposal It's like It's like You have the ability to put down 10 beers The same way you'd have the ability to put down like 10 fucking jellos in a second. Like whatever I'm putting in my mouth. Here's like 10 grilled cheese sandwiches.

Okay. And I'll wash it down with 10 beers. I'm just a garbage disposal. It is like I've referenced this scene many a time, in fact. It's in the Street Fighter movie starring Jean-Claude Van Damme. And who's the big guy? The big, looks like Rikishi, but not Rikishi. In wrestling?

No, in Street Fighter. Oh, E. Honda? E. Honda. And E. Honda is being tortured. And he's getting whipped. And they're gashing open his back and he's not even flinching he's not even saying nothing and when the torturers leave one of the other street fighter guys who's hold up with him goes man how do you take it like that and he goes you just gotta send

your mind somewhere else yeah the guy says next time your mind goes out get get a pizza. The best line in cinema. And I just turn my brain off. With eating, with eating. Drinking, I'm pretty conscious of what I'm doing. With eating, I just turn it off, and I just sit there and just go, wow. And I just eat until I pass out. Until you puke. Until I pass out. It's actually worse.

I'm a worse binger with food than I am with alcohol. Yeah. Well, I'll just say. Yeah, totally. Totally. I'm a disgusting animal. I mean, you know what? If you want to challenge me to eating those fucking pancakes from Dutch pancakes.

You could do it in the office. There's a scene where they're trying to see how shut off Stanley's brain is and what they can do and make him not notice. Yeah. And they like switch his apple with a potato. Right. I thought that was Creed. Stanley does it? I think it's,

he takes a bite of a fucking, I think it's Stan. I think so. I know it was Stanley. It's like, like they have someone sitting across from him as like a wig on. Yeah. And then they put like a box over

his computer screen i thought that was with i thought that happened then too the potato i have a i have an image of creed doing that with i have black hair i have no not the jet black hair because that's that was during the uh um oh watching tv by the way, that's what I was going to say is that old Guinness challenge. Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't think you can out-TV me. You don't think I can out-TV you? Oh, no, like a civilian. Creed eats a potato.

It is Creed, yeah. Okay. But I think the Stanley thing is another episode, too. Well, you could do that with me. Like, you could switch out my bag of chips and you put in a new bag of chips. I won't even notice. It won't affect me at all. I think you – I think me and you, TV, would be a close one.

Are we doing – are we like doing PEDs and staying up or are you allowed to sleep? I think what Guinness does is you get 20 minutes of like freedom whether you want to sleep or get up or whatever you want to do. Every two hours, you accrue 20 minutes. Which is crazy. Yeah, so that means you'll get 12 times 20, so you get 140 minutes. I would breeze 12 hours. Two hours of freedom. I would do it unconsciously 12 hours 12 hours is

fucking easy i wouldn't i know this is watching tv but if it's more of the idea of being on the couch if i play video games 12 hours goes by in a blink really i mean i've never done it for 12 but like three or four goes by in what feels like 45 minutes so there's something scientifically going on when you play video games the the time melts away and i've heard other people talk about it i know rogan said he had to joe rogan had to stop he like removed quake from his life because he was like i would play it 18 hours in a clip it consumed me because something happens i don't know what it is your brain's moving and but it's not thinking about anything else and next thing you know you're like yeah yeah um but it is technically it's not a couch challenge it's a tv challenge

but i mean i don't know i just feel like there's nobody who can do it better than me you maybe you can you can tie me yeah i mean maybe if there's some sort of rule like if all of a sudden i'm gonna shit my pants and i'm not allowed to get up off the couch for one minute or something i don't know that might pop up but as far as just sitting down and eating up the hours i love it yeah i don't get antsy i don't get actually i was just saying earlier i like i i do get antsy right but if i was doing if doing nothing was the thing that's why i always love when they're like this this company offered you a hundred thousand dollars just like sit on the couch for like oh i could do that like no problem because

i'd be you know so if it was like okay to do nothing i'd be like fucking i could do it literally forever next up what's going on everyone wanted to reach out real quick seeing you guys just got back from amsterdam figured i'd call in with one of my favorite amsterdam stories and kind of an am i the asshole so i was in amsterdam about a year ago staying at the bulldog hostel and late at night did what every other gay guy does go on grinder get a message from a guy three feet away from me terrible we start messaging find i find out that he is in the bunk next to me so we're chatting a little bit on grinder then we decide we want to go hook up so we're looking for a room and we decide on the laundry room of all places it had a lock on it so i knew we'd be okay so we go in we do

our business and at the end of it he decides he wants me to finish on his face so he gets down on his knees meanwhile i had been backpacking europe for about six weeks with one of my girlfriends so i hadn't come in like two weeks oh god so i shoot a lot it goes up over his head onto a girl's sweater that was drying on a rack above him we immediately stood up said our goodbyes ran out of the room to a crowd of people in the hallway i just ran back in my room i figured i'd never see these people again but i guess my question is am i the asshole for coming all over this girl's sweater and then just leaving? I don't know. You guys

let me know. Love you guys. Am I the asshole for ruining other people's property with my semen? Although, I will say this. It's an accident. It's an accident. It's a Lucy Daisy. If you are running around like your laundromat, local laundromat

and blowing loads on people's clothes, that's like some sort of cum vigilante. You're an asshole. But if it's an accident, it's an accident. Yeah. What are you supposed to do? I wouldn't stay. I would run away too.

Yeah. I wouldn't be like, excuse me, miss. Is this yours? Is this cashmere? Yeah. Oh, this is cum. I just came up. It has my demon seed that i mean if you if you tell that person they're throwing

their shirt in the garbage and they're and they're fighting you like yeah bro it's a fucking fucking cum stain on a fucking wet shirt chill out it'll be fine yeah that's well that's why you should just let it go yeah yeah because Because what's going to happen, see, cum stains don't match their reputation. Like I said, if someone finds out that you came on my shirt, they're like, I'm throwing this out. Yeah. When in reality, it's like getting a little toothpaste on your shirt.

Like if someone rubbed shit on your shirt, I'd be like, get rid of this. A little bit of cum? It's a little cum. Who cares? You know, we got like a Jackson Pollock chest. It's a different story. I've accidentally worn some fucking cum shirts.

Bro, you've never been in public and been like, oh, fuck. That is, that's a lot of cum. I don't think I have. Oh, dude. Like on your... I've had it, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I've had it like,

I've had it before where it's not even my cum. I've had it where it's a lady's cum. I've had it one time. A lady's cum, he said. That makes it sound like a teacher or something. Like the cafeteria lady came on my clothes. I think I said this before, but I was working like a summer camp one summer. And I had sex in a park at night the night before.

And I was like drunk and shit. And I showed up to camp in like my camp counselor t-shirt. And I had worn it having sex in the park the night before I had to, and I was like drunk and shit. And I showed up to camp in like my camp counselor t-shirt. And I had worn it having sex in the park the night before. And we'd had some doggy style sex. And it had just kind of gotten like, like here.

Because you get like the asshole and like the pussy. All the wetness is just there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so like the next, and I woke up the next morning like rolled out of bed like you do,

like hung over and I rolled out of bed, went to work in the shirt I had slept in and drank in the night before. Like a St. Louis arch of calm. Like a rising sun. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like looking down. I was like kind of – I was like, oh my god. That's so much calm.

I think this is far too much calm on a shirt to be working at a child's camp right now. It's so funny to think about, like, all right, that's an acceptable level of cum. And the next day you're like, no, no, you can't do that. This is so much cum. Like, these seven-year-olds might know what it is. But, like, this This is so much cum. These seven-year-olds might know what it is. So it's covered in cum. And then I was texting friends.

I'm like, yo, I have another counselor shirt. Can you come bring it? And everyone was like, no, I got work. So the whole day I had to tuck it in. So the whole day I was wearing athletic shorts tucked in up to here and a counselor t-shirt. And they were like, all the kids were like, you look like such a nerd. And I was like, oh, yeah, like, you look like such a nerd. And I was like, oh yeah, I'm covered in pussy juice, bro.

Oh yeah, I'm a nerd. I'm a nerd. I got pussy all over me, bro. God, that shirt was probably gross, dude. What was the question though? Is he the asshole for coming on the shirt?

Yeah, you're an acceptable asshole It is what it is The come on the shirt Also, I can't believe this guy is gay Also, I thought it was going to get a lot grosser when he was like he wants me to finish on his face. But, you know, I've been on the road for two weeks and I was like, oh, this dick stinks. Oh, that's what I was thinking, too.

You've been you've been hitting hostels for two weeks. Stinky dick. The stank dick. I feel like some gay guys probably like whatever. I don't know, man. I mean, you do with your own fucking brew, like everything. But I bet you there's some gay guys who like stank dick. Yeah?

Yep. I bet. I bet it's like the same thing as, you know, you like manly shit. You want it to be hairy and big and have that stank dick. Stank dick. What do you think is more. The guy you like sweaty puss. Yeah, what do you think is more – A guy with a sweaty puss. Yeah. What do you think is more like a fence – like who do you think – which – I don't want another Timothee Chalamet moment.

Which gender has like the worst – when their genitals are at their worst, which is the worst? I've never smelled a bad pussy in my life. So I would go – I would say the men. To be fair, the only stinky penis I've smelled is my own. I would sincerely hope. But I've never like gone – You're like your dick has smelled, you think? I don't know, man. I've had it where it's like I had a long weekend and I didn't even put a shirt on all weekend.

I was just wearing athletic shorts and I sat up on the couch and I was like caught a wind gust and was like what I mean again no one can be like that's disgusting literally everyone knows I'm talking about girls you know you're hooch and fucking stinks guy yeah you guys get the self cleaner I don't have a self cleaner but like yeah there there are times like almost like you, like the meme where the guy like playing video games was like lounging and he sits up and I've had like to sit up and I'm like, what the hell is that? It's not so bad. It's so bad.

It's not so bad. One of the funniest phenomenon is how you don't care about your own brand. I know. Whether it's shit or smell or whatever. It's just like, what is that? Dude. Yeah. What are you going to nothing yeah i have run into an issue say yeah no i don't want to talk about it i'm just gonna be quick about it i'll be quick about it. It's a phenomenon that's happened lately where I'll be using the restroom and it doesn't smell. Nothing's going on.

All good. And then as I stand up when I'm done, it's just like I've been trapping it in. And it's just like – Yeah, you're trapping the – And I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ. Did someone else just sneak in here and shit? Who the fuck farted in here? Some little leprechaun is sneaking in here and doing shit in my toilet?

You idiot. Those things, like that sweatshirt. Yeah. I never got one. I told them to put some shit aside for me and they never got one.

It was, uh, uh, it was, uh, yeah, like they put it in there. I'm gonna see,

I might wear it on, uh, Seth Meyers. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I, like, I love it. Like, I love the color. It's cool. It's very sharp yeah I like I love it

like I love the color it's cool I like when it has the design on the inside yeah yeah I was gonna be like a barstool guy

I mean I you know Seth Meyers I'll promote y'all give me a nice green hoodie I'll go where do you wanna go he's gonna say

if you're a billboarder where do you wanna go yeah look I got green right there you can take that one more of a mint green than a kelly here, but we'll deck you out. You've been in this studio before? No.

No, I was going to say, I feel like I have not. You did answer the internet before? I did that. That was the old studio? A long time. That was a long time. Yeah, so this is the first time, which is weird. That's very weird.

I feel like I've seen you a lot. Yeah, y'all won't let me come to y'all's home. Get the fuck out of here. Y'all won't let me come to your weird. Get the fuck out of here. I'm y'all's side chick. And I'm like, what? Where are you going tonight?

Bro, we're your side chick that you like every now and then call on. Like, yeah, you can come. Dude, it's not really a side chick that you like every now and then call on like yeah you can come dude i we like i it's not really a side chick incident but i had and i don't even know if you noticed i had the like a very embarrassing incident with nate backstage at burr no do tell so that a lot we could do a whole podcast like just what went on in that back room there was a lot happening there's a lot well i i didn't know you were gonna be back there and i wanted to talk to you and and i was telling you the truth i went up to you i told you how much i love the new special and and you knew i saw it at the beacon i'd seen it but i'm so bad

at remembering names of specials that i wanted to know i wanted to say like i loved hello world yeah but i don't want to say i love the new things. That felt disingenuous. So before I went to talk to you, I Googled Nate's new special. Yeah. Then it came up, like, Hello World. And then I went, and we're talking, and I went to show you something on my phone. And it was there. And it was open.

I did see it. You did see it? Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did you think? I almost said something.

You got to say something. I know I did, but it was, like, so quick that he showed something. You're a weirdo? Yeah. What'd you think? I almost said something. You gotta say something. I know I did, but it was like so quick, then he showed something. You're a weirdo. Yeah. He showed, because he was showing me something else, and then I, and then. Dude, I knew you saw it. I knew you saw it. That is super awkward.

I really had, I, I, I. Yeah, I totally love your special, dude. I think I told you I watched it three times. That was true. I've seen it probably five times now. I thought it's unbelievable, think I told you I watched it three times that was true I've seen it probably five times now I thought it's unbelievable but I just I'm so bad I

did it with Kumail Nanjiani was just in here too and I was like dude I love like your first special and like I couldn't think of a name I

feel so rude when I do that but I it's almost like like album names I don't know special names I don't know I'm just like oh yeah like that's great

you wouldn't be offended by that if someone said I like the new special right but I still wanted to do it right I'd be more

offended by you looking it up in my face. You said to me, can I spell your last name again? And I'm like, all right. Dude, also. God damn, what was I showing you that it was there? I don't remember, but I saw it. Because you know why?

Because you can see. Sometimes you can see, like, I didn't see a lot of it, but you can see a picture. It was a picture of you yeah yeah and like you can see just a brief little thing that you can kind of tell you can i i you see it happen sometimes i can see it like if i'm if someone like they're staring at me like they're recognizing me but they don't know where and then like you're walking by you can see like they're on their phone and then you you can see that they're trying to figure out together and so like you just you know you just get used to it yeah i know it was one of my dear friends maybe that hurts my feelings a little bit

i couldn't believe it i wish i knew i had such a good time that night I would have gone home I would have gone home and been like oh my god oh my god that's so embarrassing we talked about how y'all were like

the big dudes in there until the Chiefs offensive line came in we all were just tiny I went to the bathroom one of the biggest guys in the room came back

one of the smallest I was like who the fuck are all these guys we're a surprisingly bigger group of guys but whatever I don't know if you get this like, who the fuck are all these guys? We're a surprisingly bigger group of guys. I don't know if you get this.

Almost across the board, when people meet us, they all say, you're taller than I expected. And I don't know why they expect us to be short or tall. I find it very insulting. It's like, you have a really small personality. Yeah, it makes me think, what am I doing that you guys think that I'm just a midget? I think most people on TV are small. Maybe you're going out like Tom Cruise, or when you meet a lot of celebrities, they're a lot smaller than you think. Yeah, yeah. Because sometimes you think they're going to be taller.

So maybe it's an opposite effect. I'm surprised when... Maybe if you're tall, you look... I know now that everyone in Hollywood is short. Yeah. I don't know what that is in hollywood is short yeah i don't know what that is that that weirds me out i it's like there's like one or two guys who are like six feet tall and the rest are super tiny but theoretically like what we do it's like we're

not in hollywood we're regular so why would you think we're small like tom cruise what the fuck do we have to do with tom cruise you know so i they're always like you guys are so much taller than we think yeah i don't know and then i I would. And then I'm like, take this picture, you little bitch. But then, I mean, it was, you know, Dan was a big guy. You're there. Shane. Shane. They're all big.

I'm the smaller guy in that. Rory McIlroy is tiny. Oh, yeah. Skinny people sometimes look very, you know who Robert Schimel was? He died. He was a comedian. No. But he was like very – like when you see him on TV, he was very thin.

And I thought he was like 6'5 or something. And he was tiny. I mean, if you don't know him, but you just get there and you're like, God, dude, that's so different. Isn't Sylvester Stallone very small, too? I think so. Is he? Well, you just played golf with a smaller guy. Wahlberg feels normal, though.

Because he did your show, right? When he came in here, I was expecting, because I had heard he's small, so I was expecting, like, all right, he's going to be really small. Don't be weird about it. Don't look up his height on your fucking phone. Don't pat him on the head. And then he walked in. Open the door for him. The handle's going to be difficult for him to get to.

But when he came in, I was like, oh, you're pretty much normal size. I was surprised how, and maybe because I had this other expectation, but I was like, oh, you're like a regular size person. And I was surprised how not jacked he was. I thought he was going to be short and just fucking shredded. And he was just kind of like normal-sized and lean. Oh, he's pretty. He's rock solid.

I was picturing him in like Pain and Gain. Yeah. Him in like Dwayne Johnson. He was. Yeah. I remember learning that like, when I learned that like Eminem is like 5'7". Oh, is he? I was like

holy shit like that's a guy who i think you know if i ever saw him i'd be like intimidated by him and instead shut up marshall coochie coochie yeah you probably call him marshall yeah like if he started like going at you hard shut up what are you yeah dude he goes uh george's quarterback was small i went to the national championship game and And I got to go on the field afterwards. And I saw him, like, not close, but I saw him kind of run by a distance. And just you seeing the journalists were, like, bigger than you. He was. That's like it for you then.

Like, you're not making. Unless you're very, very, like, you know. It's tough. I mean, dude, he was small. That is, you know Soak it in now because they ain't even looking at you at the combine. That sucks. A couple guys prove you wrong.

But he was... All those linemen are probably going to be in the pros. So he's around big, big dudes. Those linemen, the Chiefs linemen... First of all, I thought it was the Cardinals. I thought it was local guys because I thought the Chiefs would be like practicing or staying in. Because even if you don't go out and drink and shit, you can get in trouble.

I didn't think they'd be out there. Didn't they just go Ray Lewis? And then they don't say anything else? They go, what's that mean? They go, just Ray Lewis. That's the symposium. Ray Lewis. Don't. But yeah, they were there and they were just seeing something like uh i remember seeing the receivers wide receivers legs are because you know a lot of receivers now are kind of big

and like seeing their legs you're like god it's just it's the most muscle. Yeah, for real. I mean, just all, you just stare at one of the, and you're just like, what are you doing? And it's a kid. Yeah, that's what's crazy. You see them and you're like, they're 18. When you're in college, you're talking like literal kids. Yeah, you're like, it feels like it's an adult body. Yeah. I saw Vince Wilford. If you're with a freshman or sophomore quarterback and it's like, you're like 7, 18 years old.

What is happening here? That is nuts. I saw Wilford once at a Dunkin' Donuts. And I don't know. It's mostly muscle because they're all so fucking big. Even like the big guys are jacked up and fast and all that stuff. They have a fat belly. It's hard.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I swear to God, I've never seen anything like it. It was bigger than my quad. And that was just what went into his shoe. Where do you find a hole big enough in his shoe for that? It was just this fucking tree growing out of an Air Force One. I was how does that i don't even get dressed in the morning there was a mountain of a man at backstage who i you know linemen are in the trenches you know helmets on i don't know who they are and he just kind of looked around i was looking around i was like very it was awkward

you know i was like lost and he just goes what's up up, KFC? And I was like, oh, boy. I was like, I do not know who you are at all. Let me look it up real quick. Let me look it up. It's got a ton to find out. It's almost like you're too big. What number are you? What's your favorite number?

Hypothetically speaking, you were going to be a lineman. He's like, ah, 76. It's a weird number. They also had Orlando Brown was kind of the star in the room. And they gave him zero sacks in the Super Bowl. And he was the one who tweeted, zero sacks, put that on a fucking t-shirt. And he was wearing, I don't know if it was the whole line, but at least two or three of them were wearing just t-shirts at the parade. That's awesome. Zero sacks.

That is great. He also had some sort of animal tail. What would you say that was oh yeah like uh uh it was a like davy crockett yeah like uh like the back part of davy crockett's yes yes a squirrel tail is that what that is that's i'm glad you brought can i enter real quick sure okay davy crockett tangent let's go yeah how many ears did davy cracker have ears ears yeah i mean i would think two is all i would know about yeah well he had the left ear and the right ear and then he had the frontier no yeah come on been hearing that one for a few months yeah you've been doing that for a lot let me tell you the story behind that. I love that joke. I get it every time.

He loves it. And he told it. He hasn't been telling it for a few months, but it started a couple months ago. And he told it like 35 times a day. And one time, a guy walking by on the street heard it and went like, ah. And that was it. No, it was a bigger reaction than that. And we also had it on camera.

It was. It was like, oh, that's funny. But that's all it took for him to be like, well, I'm telling this forever. Some stranger walking by just did this. He did the snag one. That's good. That's good. I'm going to tell it all the time. So then we get to the airport, and Frontier Airlines is at that airport.

And I tell him, I'm like, you should make a social media video for your stupid fucking joke. And I don't know whether he's just terrible. I don't know what's worse, the joke delivery or his social media capabilities. Both pretty bad. And we did it. It was supposed to be on one of those walking sidewalk, moving sidewalks. So it like appears during the video. And we redid it ten times.

We were like a five-year-old at the amusement park. It was like, Daddy, can we go again? It was so fluid. He'd be like, his front. Oh, fuck, I'm not recording anymore. We've got to go back around. Create that joke. We actually talked about Davy Crockett today because we were in Hell's Kitchen earlier.

So we were like, I didn't know where that name came from. And Davy Crockett could have named it. Really? I think he called it... He might have called it Hell's Kitchen I don't think it was a good thing Might have been a lot of Irish there I don't think the Irish were looked highly upon

No way This was on Wikipedia Two seconds I looked But I saw David Crockett's name So I don't know if this is true or not Nate could lie to me About anything And I think I'd believe it.

I would 100% believe it. I wouldn't know David Crockett would make it this far up. What? I wouldn't think he would have made it up here. I would have had no idea. Like, David Crockett was around for Manhattan. I did not know that at all. I'd see that's funny, though.

Is this a lie? David Crockett went to Broadway. He'd go to Broadway. He was known. David Crockett died in 1989. With his hat. He would wiggle that squirrel behind him

the person behind him would be like so annoyed they're just he just wiggles it and they're like god stupid David

it was John Wilkes Booth when you need him he got a dumb David that's what started John Wilkes Booth that he got into

the wrong side he's like I'm gonna shoot anyone with a big annoying hat I swear you got a tail anyone with a big with an annoying hat I swear you got a tail you got a big one

he blamed Lincoln for it he goes this is what I'm talking this is what Lincoln does he brings these kind of guys to Manhattan that's what and that's how

next thing you know next thing you know when do you think Picasso died I'm trying to think 1960 pretty close When do you think Picasso died? I'm trying to think. 1960.

Pretty close. Yeah, 73. Yeah, I think I, just because I just, I would have guessed 1800s. I would have thought, like, before I knew this, like 1500s. Like, I thought he was an old, like, Renaissance-type painter. When I heard he was in the 70s? Yeah. What the fuck is that? Yeah, you couldn't have met him. I mean, I couldn't, but you Renaissance-type painter. When I heard he was in the 70s? Yeah. What the fuck is that? Yeah, you couldn't have met him.

I mean, I couldn't have, but you're close. My parents could have met him. My parents could have said, I knew Picasso. See him walking around. It would be crazy to be, like, you seem like you see Picasso, like, in New York. You're like, that's Picasso. Yeah, what up, P? How would you even?

What would you even? I think Picasso's overrated, to be honest. What was his... Did he have something with his ear? Or no? No, Van Gogh. Van Gogh had the... Van Gogh chopped his own ear off.

Probably like that. You could have done your ear joke with Picasso. Yeah, you could have done it. That's a good point. You need a follow-up for when people go like, ugh. Then you go, but Picasso had one ear, or Van Gogh had one ear, whatever. We'll workshop that. Van Gogh died poor.

That's a fun one. Yeah. Oh, he did? He was one of those guys. In his death is when his paintings blew up. Never made any money. Which is so fucked up. Oh, yeah.

I hate that. I hate that. If I was like in his family, I'd be like, he would hate that. What was the idea with the ear? That was like his girlfriend left him, right? And he was like, I want you back so bad, I'm going to cut my ear off. Is that really it? I think it's something along those lines.

What a simp. Let's find out's i thought it was just good old-fashioned craziness like he well yeah i mean it's kind of all wrapped up in one there uh dove davidoff has a great joke about love just talks about how crazy love is and he talked about it's so great like van gogh like you just it's like you just cut your ear you You're like, here, take it. That's how insane it can drive. The joke is unreal. So it could be that. Okay. Or it could be that he was malnourished, sleep-deprived, and mentally ill,

but was ultimately pushed to extremes by alcohol addiction, cutting off his ear during a psychotic episode fueled by alcohol withdrawal. One or the other. I think probably the first one. It also could be together to be honest Like you dumped me and also I don't got any booze Oh so it was like going downstairs

How did you How did you go through it Do you drink still? You drink right? I drink yeah I feel like you could cut your ear off Yeah exactly I don't think it's far Like if anybody was like They cut their ear off. Yeah, exactly. I don't think it's far. Like if anybody was like,

they cut their ear off and I heard you did it, but I think I'd be like, all right. Like I would. I don't know if I'm complimented or offended. I think it's... Nate has the uncanny ability

to tell you things that are pretty fucking rude. And he just says it in his way where you're like okay yeah you remember when you were talking to shane you're like out of all the comics if you took your shirt off your career would plummet yeah he said it while you were eating food and he was like what what food food i spit food in his eyes and he was cleaning it out and and he was like what did you say And you were like Let me finish Well because I was laughing so hard

Because what I spit hit him in the eyeball And he just stood there and took it And he didn't blink And he just like kept staring And so I couldn't control like There was no reaction And he was trying to be polite Because it's awkward to do that

But he kept staring at me But I was laughing so hard that he wasn't Reacting to it's you know it's awkward to yeah do that and but he kept staring at me but i was laughing so hard that he wasn't reacting to it he just took it and just kept doing it but if shane took his shirt off it would hurt you don't need to see shane's body he was like okay thanks man like bert's shirt works yeah he takes it off it works yeah yeah, we, you know, look, Shane is, I was the, out of comics that I've seen, the most blown away when I saw Shane for the first time. I'm a giant Shane fan. When I watched him, it felt like,

I remember seeing Kurt Metzger years ago, and it felt like that kind of thing where I was like, I was like, this is, like, this dude's like, it's wild. So that's how great I think Shane is. But I think it would hurt if he took it. I'm just saying, Shane, keep your shirt on. Shane, keep your shirt on. You look like you could cut your ear off.

But in Van Gogh, I think you're Van Gogh worthy. Yeah, I'm Van Gogh worthy. I think you have the, like when it's all said and done and it's written in your ears off, it's like, it would be a beautiful thing. It wouldn't be – it would be like part of your – the mystery. The mystique of John Henry Fetterberg. I've been saying for a while, like if he would die, if we could get him to die tragically, our numbers – Yeah, I don't know why the death is – like why can't it be you?

Because I want it to be you So that I can reap the benefits If I'm dead, I'm dead Also, you want to be dead Yeah, well you also have a family So that's fair too I'll take the bullet for that Or you don't have to die Just chop your ear off

Yeah I think I had an episode One or the other, man You just make the decision, dude Just do it right now Just go and rest the blind dogs on myself An hour later, we're on top of a building Me and... We're just behind him We're like Just do it One way Just go restaurant dogs on myself An hour later we're on top of a building Me and we're just behind him

We're like just do it one way or the other We got a knife and you're on the building You decide what to do Have you ever seen the movie What is it fucking The one they cut Fucking Spacey out of

Well actually Wahlberg's in this movie All the pretty little things or something like that broken empire it's about the getty the getty family where like the kid got kidnapped yes and they cut all the money in the world all the money in the world yeah and they cut his ear off in that fucking movie and as a part of the ransom right watching an ear get cut off is it's messy business it's not appealing not like, damn, I could see myself going down that road. It is. And it squirts a lot of blood. You'd be drunk. You wouldn't

feel it. Well, the alcohol withdrawals is what causes it, so that wouldn't be. You'd have to be. Like it is that psychotic. If you got to chop off one thing, what would it be? A finger. Finger? Pinky? Ring? Yeah. Pinky. I bet you're

pinky. You just would be like, I bet you would choose and then be like, God, that was more important than I thought. Yeah. That's one of those things I think people are like, I don't need those toes. It's like, I think you do. Yeah, I would Google what should go. The toes, I can speak

on this. You need all the toes. Don't do toes. Like the middle toe? My grandfather fucking, I don't know what toes he lost, but my grandfather lost a few toes, and he had to have prosthetics and shit in his shoes because they're all so important for balance. You can't really walk around.

No toes. All right, keep your toes. Keep your toes. Toes around. Toe fingers. If you had to commit one crime, and if you committed it, that crime would cease to exist. What crime would you commit? Like this, so that would go away.

That would go away. So if you murdered. Say if you murdered. You murdered, murder stops happening. You would go, I don't know. That's going to be like bank robbery, but then you want that to go away. Yeah, bank robbery is fun. I don't want bank robbery at all.

Bank robbery is a good time. Oh, you'd stop robbing bank robbery movies? Rustling. Isn't that from cows? We went to this Museum And was it called Rustling They would steal People's cows

And it was I mean Are you saying Rustling Is that what you're saying I think so Okay You're saying wrestling

At first No Wrestling is definitely Not a crime And it might not be Called wrestling But it was like They would steal

It was like Billy the Kid's days This was like The crime then Really See I think he keeps Making these things up no no they would get they're hanging people left and right you're right uh russell to russell is to where to

go round up and steal cattle yeah so that was like dude people got hung all the time like this was the main thing that was the biggest problem like just hanging, you can murder people, you can do whatever you want. It was a giant problem. The rustlers. The rustlers. So you're going to steal some cattle. Put an end to rustling. The last rustler alive.

Put a final nail in that coffin. And everybody keeps their animals. I like that. That's a good one. Dude, I mean, I've said it a million times. I don't know how you make literally everything funny but in the in the latest special there's some things that are are like they're funny little thoughts that like anybody could probably say but you turn it

into a whole segment or a whole bit you know that is just like like the light like the lights right like anybody could be like i couldn't find the light i felt like an idiot i couldn't find the light switch but to get like i don't know two or three minutes or whatever that was out of that is i think the key to it all you know but that a lot of that that i was so happy about it by the way because no not a single opening joke about fucking covid nothing about masks nothing about quarantine i mean every special started with hey we're all out here for the first time hey it was just like none of that i think almost all of it is probably like original thought shit that you went through or whatever

yeah and all of it will be like evergreen and timeless it was like exactly what i think a special should be not just like your current act really, you know. But so many things are like just these goofy shit that somehow – I think I also think – I don't think I would have the confidence to think that that – like are you confident in your – the writing and the delivery or like you think that that – like the light thing is really that funny? You know what I mean? Is it the thing or the delivery?

I mean, I guess it's the delivery. I mean, also the idea is when people relate to it. It's fun to say something. I just look at it like I'm either going to say it, I'm going to just be like, I'm the dumb one in this joke, or you're going to relate to it. And I've had a lot of people be like, yeah, I didn't know how to turn a light off in a hotel room.

Yeah, right. And so then they're like, yeah, I did. And it's such a weird thing to even, because most of the time you would be very annoyed by it, but then I don't even know if you would even tell anybody because you just wouldn't think of it past the moment of it happening. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I mean.

It actually felt like something we would say on a podcast. Like, dude, I was in a hotel last night or whatever. Like, I couldn't find the the light and then it would just be like haha and then keep moving but the thoughts would be like no i'm gonna make this like a part of a comedy specials i think where or the sliding doors where he's like you need a you can't lock that without a pole i was gonna say did you ever get to the bottom of that like i i don't they still that's what they they said my parents just said the front door was a sliding glass and that was we were at a mexican restaurant look like a normal door

that's what i'm talking about yeah we were at a mexican restaurant yeah and i was just eating my parents and i was like because i'll talk to them a lot and like we're just about growing up or whatever just like is i'm when i'm trying to come up with stuff and just even remember anything and then uh that's what they said they were just talking about the first house and they said that and i was like that doesn't and i still i want to go see this house yeah because i still doesn't it still doesn't make sense like whatever whatever door faces the street is the front door yeah and if that is a sliding door that is insanity yeah it doesn't make sense. Like totally crazy.

Yeah, I don't. Unless maybe it was built in like the 70s or something. I feel like houses got weird for a minute there. Yeah, it could be something like that. I think it was in a... And it was glass? Yeah, that's what they said. It's madness.

It doesn't make sense. You'd have to have a curtain and all that shit. It'd be a lot. And then a screen. Usually you have a screen. We did the, well, I had like a shore house in Newport Island one summer. And that one, the only door was a sliding door. But that also, a beach house makes a little more sense.

And we also were on the second floor. It made a little more sense. There's no beach. There was nothing to look out where this house was. Yeah, that's what they had it. And the other screen door one was where my dad put it. He put it on wrong. Bro, that's our house.

At our house, that same thing exists. Yeah, why wouldn't? He did the door. So when they did it, my mom wanted a screen door because it was the first house they bought. My mom, like everything is always like something. Like with our family, my dad's a magician. So it's like we're just, my mom would just be like, I want to be normal. So she wanted a screen door because that was like, you know, it's like people that she would, at that point she cleaned houses.

She's like, well, I go to these people cleaning houses. They all have screen doors. So I want a screen door too. And so he gets a the screen door but it gets the handle on the wrong side and so when you came in our house you had to go like this and then you had to go like this like so it was you had to go you had to pull this side and then you had to go to this side it's because it was on the opposite side it's so frustrating when you put it in the bags but you open and then you pull and then you push yes but the handles are on the other side. Normally you would do screen door.

Like it's all the right side. So you go screen, then you go in. Everything goes, the handles are on the same side. Yeah, but almost if you think about it. You do, but you're the only door on earth doing that. So any other door reaction you have is the other way. So the only one that isn't is your house.

So it does in your head, you go, well maybe it'll be easier. But then you just... Your muscle memory just doesn't do it that way. I had to convince my parents to get a screen door in their new house. So they moved to the country kind of deal. And the house just always had bugs in it.

Like all the fucking time. Like flies everywhere. And I was like, what the fuck is this about? And I realized that they had black doors. And bugs would just land on them at night because there was a light over there. And then when you open the door of the house. My ears itch. I can't tell you how hard it was to convince my parents that a screen door would stop this.

And I was like, no, because you still have to open the door. They'll just come in. And I was like, no. They're not. You goddamn idiot. You will open the screen door and they'll go out that way. And then you open this door and you go in. And then watching that click for them,

they're like, oh, yeah, you're right. That will stop the bugs. I was like, what do you think screen doors are for? They've been stopping bugs for centuries now. I ran right into a screen door when I was a kid. I was standing at my cousin's beach house. You know when it's like dusk? Can't really tell.

I was a little kid running full speed. Felt like I ran into a brick wall. I was like, what? Bloody nose, everything. It's always very funny when you see that. Totally. I watched my wife's uncle. He was older and very tall, and he was walking out of a restaurant once,

and it was big. It was like they had the entranceway, then they had just a big window next to it and we watched him walk right into that and his spot is for it. He's like 6'7",

so it's so high. But man, he drilled that door. That noise it makes, it like wiggles. There's not much funnier than that and it hurts so bad though

and you feel, I've done it too. You don't even really need to be moving that fast. I was running as a kid, so I destroyed my shit. But if you're walking at a normal speed and not expecting anything, you're cruising. You're getting whiplash from that. It is not fun. It's actually worse when you're just moving at normal speed because then it hurts just enough to enrage you.

Yeah. If you're in actual pain, you don't really get that anger. That fucking – like, you ever have, like, your headphones in and it gets caught on something? Yeah. I don't care about – I feel stupid all the time. That doesn't affect me at all, the feeling of stupidity. It's just, like, that, like, sharp – like, the weird surprise pain. I'm like, what the fuck surprise pain working out and you like your headphones

in you like you catch on a barbell and like pulls your ear you know what solve this problem no ears see I mean that's your mindset That's gonna trigger One day To make sense I have like It seems like five years Down the road

Nate was right The whole fucking time These years are a big problem I do have big years too It's the same But your hair goes great I mean You would have to

Yeah your hair then Would just go down That would be weird Now years Just a hole I'm telling A new story Or a joke idea that I'm telling

On stage But I can tell you now Because my great aunt Helen Still alive They didn't know she was deaf Until she was nine Fully So they just put her in like a

special class because they thought like she's like a little slow or something and she's that if that ain't the old world for you i don't know like but she's nine that's like the point i'm trying to make this joke idea is like because everything's moving fast and people don't have she's still alive this i'm not talking about Davy Crockett. She's here. So it's like, that's how fast we're moving. A person who's still alive

today lived a decade of deafness without people even knowing. And they just were like, yeah, she's a little... We got another room for her. No one knew. Her family wasn't like, hey, can you hear this? They just thought they put her in another room. I mean, that's what they did. Just put her in another room.

Well, this one's good. Put them in that room. This one's bad. We got a lemon. She just can't hear. Holy shit. I tell a story. I was tested.

My mom had me tested when I was like three for special needs and then brought me back when I was like six she was like I don't think you guys did it right they must have mixed up the results I like started kindergarten she was like you guys might want to run

that fast back that is very funny that is great I wish that happened to me that fast back. Yeah. That is very funny. That's the best. That is great. I wish that happened to me. That's how exciting that made me. Like, that's so funny to be at three and then be like, I don't know. Like, you get a second opinion.

Your mom got a second opinion on you being special. That means, like, when she got the good news. She got the good news that your son is normal. Everything's rocking. I guess to think about it, that would be like, oh, well, now he's just dumb. Something else is wrong. Right. It's like that means, of course, you don't want that diagnosis, but it's like, all right, it wasn't.

It's not my fault or whatever. This is just like, oh, I got a dumb kid and I'm doing a bad job. And then you cut to you going, y'all need a screen door and your parents are like, your mom's like, I mean, look who's telling us. You know what I mean? Like, how many times are we getting tested? Like, she might do it again now if she could. Like, she's just you're an adult now

and so she can't. But if you went to her and said, do you want me to go get tested again? She'd be like, I don't think it's bad. It's like, we're just in a different you know, we know so much more. We know so much more. The medical profession is advanced. Well, even – I'm 43.

I mean no one tested for anything even my age. It's crazy. My mom is always like, all three of you kids would be on the spectrum. Yeah. You were weird with your clothes. You were weird with your food. You were weird with noises and sounds. Everybody would be – and have a something they we they just thought you were weird they just put you in another room it's all going to end up coming back around to

you're just going to be back to normal yeah because it's like if you if you do test everybody you're going to find out yeah everybody's got it every like yeah and so yeah we're going to do all this where everybody's getting separated to then back to like, well, let's just go back to it. Yeah. Put them all together. Just put them all together. Yeah. It's all normal.

When we were in that green room, we were taking a picture. And Bert is fucking half naked and loud and drunk. And he's going to put his arm around everybody. And he just spills his tequila soda like right down Nate's head, shoulder, jacket, hood. And it was like the one guy in the green room who was sober. So it feels like extra bad. I felt like it was going to be like the Wicked Witch

and he was going to start melting or something. I don't do the alcohol anymore. I just got started again. You got a whiff of it. What is this talking about you know uh it was i mean i remember seeing that he just was like come on and then just turned it that smile for the camera yeah poured it down the one dude who was like not that anybody wants to get a fucking drink spilled on them but i think if you're back there with bert like it's anything

goes man yeah i mean that was a lot after he lot he got me doing a meatball luge what is that? like ice luge with alcohol they rolled meatballs down it that's catching my mouth wow and y'all went to Amsterdam with this guy

for real, I'd rather do the meatball he was doing tequila and some of them he was pouring quite a heavy pour. I don't need a mouthful. I think you were doing mouthfuls of tequila. Well, it was my fault that they started being heavy pourers. Yeah, I saw yours because you were like, come on. Yeah, I went, I'm not 12.

I can see him burn his eyes. He was like insulting me. He was like, all right, here you go. And then everyone else had to. I was hiding from that. It's hard to gauge like how much you're pouring. Yeah, because you don't see it

like going up and down. Yeah, you don't see it go up. It goes all the way down so it looks like it's not a lot. Yeah. But it's got to be two or three shots worth. Are you getting it all

in your mouth too? Yeah, it was... Both of mine were controlled enough pours that they were just like easy. I mean, I've been... I've done ice luscious before where it's a fucking mess like in college and shit like that but those are two pretty seamless

how do you get nice to lose college like you buy them or do you make them we would we buy them i was gonna get in college yeah you ain't making a fucking ice we did build pirate ships though we could we were i mean i would kind of observe i was the foreman of the group um what does that mean we so like i was in pike and we like our big party of the I was the foreman of the group. What does that mean? So, like, I was in Pike, and, like, our big party of the year was, like, Pikes of the Caribbean. Okay. And, like, in our courtyard, we'd have this big fucking pirate ship.

How big? Pretty sizable. And, like, people would, like, pour shots out of it. Like the size of this room? Probably the length of this room, yeah, half the width maybe. What the fuck? Yeah. I mean, mean again i had nothing to do with it but they were all just like panhandle florida boys you know how to do it and i would kind of sit there and go like do you know how to do that shit build a like are you handy at all no no no yeah that's that's one of my favorite jokes of yours is when you talk about

when you went to community college and and you do you take like remedial classes and they're like you're gonna have to get you're gonna get used to community college and you're taking remedial classes and you're going to have to get used to early mornings and you're basically going to be doing manual labor your whole life. I did all manual labor. All our classes were outside because you will all be working outside one day. And I worked outside until I started comedy. What were you doing?

I delivered batches. That's when you was going to shot, right? Yeah. Yeah. That was great. It was a meter reader. You were a meter reader? You were like a meter man?

No, no. Water. Oh, oh. Water meter reader. Oh, oh. And then so I did that. I did. Every job I had was outside.

I worked. I think I told you. I did one inside and they moved me down to the mail room. Right. And so every job I had was like you were going to be outside. There was no real office. FedEx. I did FedEx here.

I dog walked here. We see no future with you. There's no way you'll even – you're not even allowed in the building. No. There was no reason. There was never a building. I think I would have Just stayed outside

Like How long When did you Make the switch Oh 2000 Oh from like Full time

Well so what I'm sure you're probably Doing both at the same time Right Yeah yeah At the beginning When did you drop The outdoor gigs

So I got married in 2006 And then So that helped Because then my wife Had a regular job. So it was probably 2008, 7, 8. How old were you? 43.

Oh, you're a little bit older. So you were like mid-20s when you got married? Yeah, 26. 26. That's a little early, but I thought we were the same age for a second. I'm like 21. You got married at 21? No, no, no.

That's like 2006. You would have been like – Yeah, people get married. I mean, 26 was almost late and that is in the south 26 year old getting married now i'd be like you're literally ruining your life it's crazy town yeah yeah they in the south like we like 26 was late i think they still get married too a lot of people go to college and they get married and start having families yeah yeah pretty early when i was at fsu that was like that you it was it wasn't like you know they say like the ring by spring and the was it the mrs the mrs degree i i didn't realize i didn't notice

it to that type of level but there were definitely people who like you could tell they started dating junior year like oh you guys are getting married i think it's a much more New York thing about getting married later. Oh, yeah. Just New York? It's a disenvironment. I think so. New York, L.A., something like that. But everywhere else is you get in college or whatever, and then you're roughly going to get married.

I don't know what else you're going to go do. See you on the road. Start your life. Yeah. In New York and L.A., you have the, like, I'm still going to reach my dream. Yeah, yeah. There's some. It's like, yo, we've reached it.

It's done here. You're not doing the dream shit. Like, you have the potential to meet somebody, like, every single night. It's going to be. Yeah, it's so hectic. If you're in this city and you're doing any business, it's kind of 24 hours. Yeah. And so you're just going to be out and about. And you're, you know, so it's not, I kind of 24 hours yeah and so you're just gonna be out about and you're

you know so it's not i don't think the same and to live to be married and live in the city you got to be a millionaire so but even even like not that there's not other bars and restaurants and stuff in these other cities but it's like every single night you're going to be at a bar with a new group seeing that person across the bar you know and it's more like single night you're going to be at a bar with a new group, seeing that person across the bar. And it's more like I could. You know what I mean? You never do. It's like, well, I just got shit-faced and ate pizza with my buddy.

But maybe tonight is the night. But I feel like, yeah, if you're in anything that's like a rural town, you're just like, well, I guess I'm good enough for you and you're good enough for me. So let's just go. Here you also get, though, you get the relationships that get put into fast forward because, like, both your rents are up. Oh, that's a bad idea. The amount of people who do that, they're like, well, we could pay double or, you know, just split the one. Let's do that. Sure.

That's a good reason to start your life together. I was going to do that with a girlfriend. We're talking about moving in together, all this stuff. And like one day after work so let's grab drinks and we sit down and she's like i don't think we should move in together and i was like all right that's cool like like i'll keep my lease and and all that and and it almost it almost felt like something like you would say where she's like he's not getting it. I could see that. Exactly. We're never going to live together.

It's not now. I don't think we should, period. I totally get it. And you still just keep showing up. Yeah, that's fun. I love you. So I'll do whatever you want to do. It took her. It took her.

And I ordered a beer. I was like, yeah, that's cool. Don't worry about it. I ordered a beer, like a beer. She's like, you don't need to drink the beer. And I was like, no and I ordered a beer I was like yeah that's cool don't worry about it I ordered a beer like a beer she's like you know you don't need to drink the beer and I was like no I want the beer and she's like

god damn man like I really gotta fucking tell you about this she's like we're done we're you and I are done and then I started crying dude he cried

and she was like I'm gonna leave whatever he starts to I didn't wanna he's like I can't leave my beer. So he starts chugging his beer

while he's crying. And spilling on the spilling. He's like, I got to finish the beer. Puts it down like, okay, bye. You're maybe my favorite. I mean, I...

I am so blessed to just be like, I just sit here and I just pull these stories out of him. Because he doesn't even know. You wear your heart on your sleeve. Like, it's all out there. Big time. And that's a very endearing thing, though. Like, that's a good thing. But it also leads to these things.

When it goes catastrophic. Again, someone that would cut their ear off. Oh, yeah. Like, that's. You're someone that would cut their ear. Oh, yeah. Like that's, you would, if someone goes, I will let you, I will move in with you, but I want you to cut one. But the left ear, I've never liked.

And you're like, yeah, I'll do whatever it takes. You know, I'm just happy to be, you know. Yeah, no, you're about right. That is like, I never thought about that because you do uh people move in here because i mean i've been my wife's forever so i never really dated and so but like you yeah you're in this situation where you're like all right i guess you and your girl move in but you're splitting bills and stuff like that i always just think that gets in a dice like i have a i had a buddy that money is like the cause of – like I had a buddy that had – Money is like the cause of all bringers. I had a buddy that had – got married and they had separate bank accounts, even in marriage.

I think – Because he's terrible at money. You do? I think you should have separate and then you have one together because I think that when you – But that means you're still putting money – there's some money that like she doesn't know about. Yes. So the cards are not – I think of when you, but that means you're still putting money. You're here. There's, there's some money that like she doesn't know about. Yes. So the cards are not,

yeah, but that kind of leads it up to like that. That's a road that could leave. Yes. But I also think it's a road that like leads to like, I think everybody deserves a little bit of like autonomy, like separate from their relationship. Cause then it's like,

if you do want to buy a new pair of shoes or whatever it's like what are you spending you know what i mean yeah i and of course you can do it for like like but you don't have you you don't have rent in y'all's joint account you got you got it you just got like a new jacket and shoes on where'd you get that i don't know where you got you don't ask you all these questions. You think it should just be all one thing? I mean, I think if you're, yeah. I don't think you can hide stuff.

I don't think it's good. Look, how frustrating, and I've had the frustration in, you know, at the beginning, my wife made the money. I was literally bringing, I don't even know, I made 10 grand a year. Like, I'm making no money. You were spending it all on puka shells. And then, yeah, I had a lot of puka shells. I'd get hurt about them. I'd go, look at this puka shell.

I'd go, it's like $6.95. It's not that bad. But so all that frustration. And look, when I did, when we first got married, I had a bank account. Like my mom worked at a bank. And so I still had a bank card there. And so, like, sometimes my parents would put, like, 200 bucks in or 100 bucks in, something here and there. And I first started, like, and so she didn't know about it. But it was, like, that little bit of it.

So I'm saying that, and I did it. But she knew I had that account. There's no money in it. Like, my parents would just put money in there. So, like, when I go on the road, like, if I want to go do something, I'm not. Our money's safe. But I think they have to. Usually one person is going to be good with money when you get married, too.

One person is good with money. One person is usually not. Well, I do think it's a little bit weirder and probably more of a newer, modern thing that both people can can be like career driven and have careers and make a lot of money and you work hard for a lot of that money um it just doesn't feel the the connection i don't i just don't think the connect it seems like if if that mindset is someone that doesn't really want to be married yeah and so then you're like it's not it's not it's you don't go all in yeah you're you're if really want to be married. Yeah. And so then you're like, it's not,

it's, you don't go all in. Yeah. You're, you're, if you want to be a family, be married, there has to be the trust of all that.

You can't just be like the individualized things. It's all separation that will lead to more separation to lead to eventually like, you know, it's like this, you know, I just live with this dude and this chick and like, you know, and you're like,

no, you are married, you know? And so it's like, it's, but I feel like if someone's good with money then you you go down the road of like almost like teacher student sort of thing where it's like i tell you what you can and can't do with your money and that kind of shit yeah but everybody's going to be one or the other using a relationship so it's like someone you know i i talk about on stage and i can see the reality like where's one person's good my wife pays all the bills she does it like she does all

this stuff that i don't know how to do and i wouldn't like if we like i used to have a joke like if something happened to her if she dies before me i'm like i don't know what bank we go to like i don't you know like there's all this stuff that you know and it's that's very stereotypical ways of a relationship those are still that's what they are they're still happening and it's sometimes it can seem like you know like it can feel like no it's different now and all this you like it's not really it's like everybody's still you know yeah a lot of people they work or they either both work now that happens a lot more, both work. But you're putting the money in together, and it's like hopefully one person can't make the other one feel bad. Or they bring different things to the table, what they do.

I mean, there's a lot of stay-at-home moms. That's still a very big thing, and that's a giant thing to be able to do that. And a lot of women want it. I mean, not all of them, but then so a lot do. I mean, I live at home, and there's a of women that in our neighborhood that they they don't work they're the mom because they're as they're busier than anybody else and they're everything they gotta go do they got soccer they get the i mean it's like it's and that's what i always feel bad for like you know then and i came from my parents both had to work and then my mom would not work some but then she had to work and

it was just we're always like very tight on money and they did they did every they did the best they could but it's like it's a lot and like and have to pay for this and then you got to get kids everywhere and you got to go do everything and you got to and now there's more stuff with kids than there ever was you know when i grew up is like you could just like i don't i don't think there was like you know baseball leagues or clinics like like now sport's all year long. And if your kid's good, your family revolves around

traveling. My daughter's in three different dance classes, one gymnastics class, and a cheerleading thing after school. My son's doing soccer, basketball clinic, and a baseball clinic that's all and martial arts it's fucking nine different things all every week two

one or two times a week it's like that's crazy it is that's crazy dude it's like yeah you're really just driving them and picking them up and dropping them off and early mornings and all that stuff. I'm like, play your iPad. How about that? How about you play iPad? My dad hit a couple numbers on the Powerball the other day, and it was $500 worth, and he gave it to me. He said, go cash this for me. He took it out of the pile. He's like, just give it to me on the side.

I don't want your money or no. It's always nice. I look at Venmo. Venmo's money. Yeah, that's it. You can follow the side. I don't want your money, no. It's always nice. I look at Venmo. Venmo's my... Yeah, that's it. You can follow the money. You can have, like, your Venmo just like

when I golf and, like, if you're gambling, like, there's, like, you're just nice to... I don't ever buy anything with it, but it's, like, you just got, like,

your little gambling... Oh, having that balance, you mean? Yeah, you just have a little balance there that, like, I can gamble and go back for it. You know, it's not

like I'll be able to come home and, like, you lost $100, $200 at golf or whatever. It's like you just got your... You're just like, I just don't want to talk. I don't want to hear about it. I don't want to talk about it. I do my own little...

This is my own little world right here. Did you and Wahlberg do any gambling? No. He plays super fast. Well, I heard that he used to do... We asked him about this That would be his cardio He'd play 18 in like an hour and a half

My friend saw him once No, we were in carts We had four separate carts His carts goes faster He took off the restrictor You'd be way ahead of him And then he just passes you Just slowly passing you Hello and i mean he's like

get it he was dude he was all super nice and was like he was shooting a movie so he could he played 14 holes it's like all he can do and so he gets out there and that's his like sanity and so i you know it wasn't bad i enjoyed like you just get up and hit the ball and you go like it's you're just playing quick and uh but i had a friend that saw him once at Bel Air, and he told me he was like six and more. He's on the range warming up. My buddy is. And then he sees down there, and he's like,

God, it looks like Mark Wahlberg. And so it is Wahlberg. And then so when they start playing, Wahlberg goes out first and hits the ball. He has a caddy with him and a caddy in the fairway. And there might even be another caddy. But so he hits the ball and then gives it gives the driver and then sprints to the ball and then that guy is down there with the ball and then hands him that club there and he hits it then sprints and maybe there's three cat and there's another caddies i guess and they're kind of running i mean a lot of caddies run anyway like if you when you go

places you can see them like they're kind of running to always kind of be ahead of you. Yeah. So, yeah, being a caddy is like, I mean, those dudes are in, like, great shape. Yeah. But they're, but yeah, it's a lot. And so, like, and being his caddy. So, and then you just see them. You just see Walbert.

You just see a dude just. Just sprinting. That is hilarious. Yeah. I thought that was maybe one of those things that was exaggerated a little bit. My buddy watched, I mean, he was like, because I think while we were sitting, he goes, you want to play through?

Like maybe one of those jokes. As he sprinted to the... And is he good? You can hit it? Yeah, yeah. What do you shoot? You're real good, right? I'm a seven.

So, handicap. So, I mean, like, he felt like, played like that. There was nothing, like, bad or anything. Like, you know, good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think of people who just play golf all the time? I would like to. Like, but, yeah, you're talking about, like.

Like, I wanted to do an interview with one of the guys here, Ryan Whitney, talking to his producer. And he said all of his free time while we're here in Arizona, he's golfing. Yeah. And I feel like people are willing to accept – He works for Barstool? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't understand how that works.

He's just like I did – I'm doing my podcast. I'm doing this interview. I have this event to go to. That's what I have for work and then the other like every hour of all the days i'm here i will be golfing and i feel like people are inclined to just be like okay fine and if it was any other sport or activity and you said i have no availability i will be playing baseball this entire week people would be like what the fuck are you talking about yeah but golf gets this free pass well i would it yeah it is that is the same thing with like

but I'm more into yeah guys how long has he been here for a long time he's been here for a while he's also a former professional yeah he's a hockey player so oh yeah he's different yeah yeah he plays by different rules oh yeah that makes sense yeah before I was like just as a business like as like it just because you've been you've been here at the beginning, right? Yeah. And have you been here not too much? I came, like, two years after Kevin, I think. And then, so, like,

I just would think that you couldn't say no. Like, I would think you'd be like, well, you kind of have to. Well, that would be nice, but he's a fucking, he's a prick,

so what can you do, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how I, that's how it would come off. Like, you'd be, like, insane. Yeah, well, you know. And he has someone telling you? Some people respect us,

some people don't. Yeah. He has someone else told y'all that he couldn't do it? Yeah, I guess I didn't even talk to Whitney myself. I was talking to his producer and he was like, yeah, well, you know. And he has someone tell you? Some people don't. Yeah. He has someone else told y'all that he can do it? Yeah, I guess I didn't even talk to Whitney myself. I was talking to his producer, and he was like, yeah, no, he's got a tight schedule. He's golfing the entire time. And you work at the same company, right? I'm just confused on the whole.

That's making me feel real bad about this now. Yeah. Like, oh, so nobody at this company respects you, huh? I said I wouldn't have him. I would never have him on now. That's how you should handle it. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You're never coming on my show now. Unless you have free time next time. Cut to me and him golfing. I'm going to start golfing with Ryan. We're playing. I'm like, dude. That is the worst when you don't golf.

Like, it even kind of happened with the foreplay guys. It was like, you would come on our shows a couple times, and then they were like, oh, yeah, we're going golfing with Nate. I was like, oh, okay, fine. Fine, man. I'm going golfing this weekend, and I'm terrified. It's a scary thing when you don't golf. Everyone's like, it's okay if you suck.

It's like, no, it's not. Nobody wants a guy in their foursome who's fucking hacking. My buddy texted me last time going to see my friend, and he's like, do you want to golf on Sunday? And I was like, dude, this kid's a really good golfer. And I was like, I haven't golfed. Probably the last time I golfed was with you two years ago. I'll have five good shots on the whole day, and that'll be it.

I don't want to fuck everybody. He's like, no, I don't know exactly what you're saying. No one cares. I feel like everyone cares. I think you're going to be the party. cares. You're going to be the party. You're just going to be the party. It's like they enjoy that. They like your company and they want to golf.

Just come out and you're going to go play. How about I just stay at home, guys? You're going to go out. You're going to drink. It's your buddies. You're going to play and then you can pick the ball up and you just kind of do that. It probably will be fine but but it just doesn't feel like it. This is actually my buddy.

He's a great golfer. He's great. He didn't lose a match his whole high school career. He played for George Washington, like a really good golfer. I remember my first time playing with him. I was like so nervous. It was the first time I'd ever seen someone playing music. I know it's kind of a thing now.

People have speakers in their car, but he's just playing music i was like dude can you play music on the course okay we can do whatever we want i was like i thought people take it a lot more seriously he was barefoot just playing yeah and i was like all right i can play with you but now i'm gonna start playing with your buddies well the same guy who says like it's not a big deal you also see him like throwing his putter in the water when he fucking you know yeah but that's bad clearly you do you'd be more mad at that person. To be like someone that does that. That's the most...

I'd rather play with someone bad than play with someone that took it that seriously. It's one of the funniest things in the world that people hop on a golf course and expect to be as good as the pros are. Again, any other sport, you wouldn't jump on a basketball court and be like, I'm going

to go dunk. I'll be able to do it. I'll be honest. Every time I shoot a basketball, I'm like, that's fucking wet. It's so bad. It's my mile. The ball does not spin at all. It's a full knuckle ball just floating through the wall.

I don't even know how you do it. It's actually impressive to get that little spin. This is fucking, that's cash, dude. There's no way that's not going to happen. It's so bad. The form is so, he threw it over the wall the other day. He lost the basketball for everybody to play. Oh, that house.

I told you I'll say that. We stayed at that house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just threw it over the wall. He lost the ball over that wall too. The one right behind the goal. Right. I shot from the corner.

I'm a corner shooter. So I shot from the corner. You went over with the head. Yes. You got it like through a wall and through edges and everything. the corner. You went over with the hedges. Yes. You got it through a wall and through hedges and everything. That's those people's yards. Yeah. Yeah.

And that was where I went to look. I was going to go sneak to the yard, jump the fence, and I saw they had three jacked-up trucks in the driveway, and I was like, I'm not. When I was a kid, I used to go playing in yards looking for balls. I'm not going to go test what these guys think about the Second Amendment. I'm going to go see what their idea of a stand-your-ground law is.

I'll go buy a new basketball, I think. How's your podcast going? Good. I feel like, am I wrong to say, I feel like you were reluctant at first to start a podcast? Yeah, at first, I don't think I wanted to do it it i kind of like just being

like what you see is my stand-up and like that's what it is and then uh but then when covet happened it was like i didn't want to just sit and just be stagnant for such a long time so i started the podcast and the podcast has been going great i mean it's really like really done really really great and it's it's it fits with what i It's clean. It's like all this stuff. We meet, like, a lot of kids can listen to it. Their parents listen to it with their driving car.

Like, I like that stuff. I like that someone can have that. Like, families go on car trips and road trips and they're able to listen to that. That's interesting. I never thought of that. You got a ton more sponsors

that way, too. Yeah, yeah. We do Adam and Eve. So I – You've got a ton more sponsors that way too. Yeah, yeah. We do Adam and Eve. That's our sponsor. That's the only complaint. That's the only complaint. 20% off your butt plugs. Yeah.

That's the only complaint. They go, the ads don't make sense. That's the weird part. One time they asked us to do a sperm bank like holding holder. They sent us a kit. I opened it up and it had the hazmat like symbol on it, you know? And I opened it up and it was like a cup that you then put into this thing and seal it in like a safe. And I was like, is this fucking serious?

Yeah. That was a one and done. I was like, this is a sperm, a literal sperm bank that we're going to send to you. I don't think so dude I'll get on that Yeah we We do Like we say no

To a lot of Like Do you Yeah there's just a lot of stuff We won't do So Based on I don't think I do alcohol

I won't do like It's just I mean it's not like I'm against this stuff But it's You're such a good dude Well it's just I'm trying to

You're just a better person Than like most No no You are you are It's fine to say it You don't have to say it I. You're just a better person than most. No, no, no. You are, you are. You don't have to say it, I'll say it. You're just a better person. It's just what I do. The podcast Clean is interesting, though, because it's one thing to like, I'm going to write these jokes and craft this special.

But the podcast is more of just kind of like who you are and to still have that be able to be a clean product for like everybody is uh well that's what helps you in real life too dude yeah yeah loser off on and off i go for zero edge i'm not trying to push any boundary yeah yeah i'm i'm so far away yeah they go where's the line i go i've I've never been near it. I've never seen the line. Oh, it's a line. Couldn't tell you. Couldn't tell you. I'm dead center of it. Well, it seems to be working.

Well, thank you. Hello, world. Hello, world. Hello, world. Amazon Prime. So you switched over to Amazon. Yeah. Is that just they just threw the bag at you?

No, no. It wasn't that. People think it's that. So you switched over to Amazon. Is that just they just threw the bag at you more so than Netflix? No, no. It wasn't that. People think it's that. Because I actually automatically just like, Nate's out. I'm going to Netflix. Yeah. No, no, no. It wasn't that at all.

That did not happen. I can own it at Amazon. And so that was very important to me that I wanted to own. This is the first one I've owned. Netflix changed my life. Nothing gets... What is... So, do they have, like,

an exclusivity period or something? They license it for four years. And then after that, you can put it... And then I'll get it back. And then you can resell it or do whatever you want to do with it. Oh, wow.

That's cool. And so, owning it... It is so good and evergreen that, like, that could be a re-release. And it's like... It was... New fans aren't even going to know that it's an old thing, I feel like.

Yeah, yeah. It was... It was already were we already knew we were gonna shoot it in phoenix i already we already were like setting everything up when i didn't know where it was going to go like you know amazon or netflix really uh netflix changed my life i not say i would never not do something there again or whatever amazon just it just worked out amazon wanted to make a big push into standup comedy. So they were going to be very behind. They were very excited about my special,

very behind it. Like, so it was kind of a launch into that world. And so that's why, and owning it was just a giant part of it. I've never owned it. It's crazy to own it. Like I got the whole thing.

Like, and you never get that. Like, it's the whole thing. Like, you never get that. Like, it's always, like, hard to get. When your special's somewhere else, it's always hard to get the whole recording. And so it's like, I have the whole recording now. So you're owning your masters, right? Yeah, it's like you own it.

Like, you're just like, I can do, I could, you know, put it, I mean, now I can't, but, like, when it's done, you're like, I can do whatever I want. That's going to go quick, too. Can you put up your own clips on, like, your social and stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right now you can? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have, we can put it up. What's done you're like I can do whatever I want that's a special record too that can you put up your own clips on like your social and stuff yeah yeah yeah right now you can

yeah yeah yeah we have what's like the limit like it's got it I want to say it's under four minutes four minutes like it's so you can anything over that yeah then you're that's a good job what do you it's a good chunk so you put like you know you don't want to give everything well you want people to go watch the whole special but like yeah but it's like you're in control of uh all that stuff that goes out and you know what like what clip do i want out what clip do i you know all that kind of stuff i wonder if if you did a youtube special how much you would get how many views we get i guess oh fuck so is that is that would you ever consider that just for the i thought of it with this at one

point you mean your money like i think you would get so many millions of views that it might even in a roundabout way get you maybe i don't know what amazon's paying i'm sure it's a shit yeah but there's so much money to be made that way too on the internet that like if if brands and whoever saw that you're doing like millions of views on youtube it would uh it definitely could i i'm in the system of like a netflix and amazon like i'm kind of in i'm the air of that like i know shane and mark and samuel like there's there's kind of coming a different kind of thing because someone's just gonna be the air like you're kind of just like i do it this way yeah totally totally but uh we can see it's like a step back in a way i kind of understand understand. I don't know. I mean, look, I did.

Look, there was no offer for this. I wasn't against putting this special out on YouTube. Like, I would have done whatever I needed to be done. Yeah, absolutely. And then so it worked out into the way that it did with Amazon. And I like Amazon a lot, and I watch Amazon a lot. And so I wanted to go there. then uh but i i would have done it on youtube like i'm not against youtube like i would have put it out but it's it's still i don't i don't know what the views would have been or you know hopefully it'd been a lot of people sharing

it so like if you own it all that's the thing is like i would have done it to own it and so like if i could have but i don't know i still probably would have done you also go where you people know where to find you and like they know how to find even though going to amazon was a is a different kind of thing it's funny sometimes people don't even i've had people just say like they'll be like oh i watched you on hulu your hulu like or something or they'll say i saw the new netflix special and you're like people don't always register where they're watching something. They don't care. It doesn't really matter.

I have no brand allegiance to any of those streaming services. Yeah, you go – You put it on this, I'll watch it on this. Like, whatever. When I do – you know how many times people go, I saw you on Jimmy Kimmel? I've never done Jimmy Kimmel. I've only done Fallon. But, like, it's interesting to think, like, it's – people don't – they just are like really watching the thing, whatever the thing.

They're not looking at the – Same thing happened with channels, like TV channels. I remember like I used to make fun of like the lame channels and then like AMC got Breaking Bad and I was like, okay, I watch AMC now. It's not like it's something I'm going to like not watch it. People will go find something now. Totally. I'm going to not watch it. People will go find something now. That's the good thing. You can go different avenues because if something's good,

people will go find it. You can just tell someone it's on AMC now. Do you do YouTube? Focus on YouTube? All our podcasts. It built up to 80-something thousand subscribers. It's from the Nate Land podcast.

We're building that kind of world. Is that what the name is or is it Nate Bargetts? It's Nate Bargetts. Before I started the podcast, it might have been, I don't know if I had 500 subscribers or 1,000 subscribers. I wasn't doing that. Then now with the podcast and everything, we've built it up to 80 and you're like yeah yeah all right do well we appreciate as always thank you so much blast សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.