KFC Radio - Netflix Has Officially Lost the Streaming Wars Ft. Carly Aquilino and Craig Robinson

Episode Date: April 21, 2022

- It's the KFC Radio Shot Clock - KFC got the lamest groceries for the Nashville House of all time - Josh Adam Meyers went crazy onstage at the God D*mn Jam - KFC and Feits had weird interactions with fans - AITA - Video Voicemails - unwritten rules - incest/ weirdest brags - dumbest thing you thought wouldn't work ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 0:00 - It's the KFC Radio Shot Clock 4:24:18 - KFC's lame grocery run 12:14 - Josh Adam Meyer's God D*mn Jam 45:55 - AITA 1:01:46 - Video Voicemails 1:19:51 - Carly Aquilino Interview Preview 2:10:03 - Craig Robinson Interview Preview ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Gametime: Download the Gametime app and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Manscaped: Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code KFC at https://barstool.link/ManscapedBSSYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Wait, do you call your breasts your genitals? No, that's what I mean. She didn't touch my genitals. Oh, okay, okay. I thought you said you shouldn't. The fact that you just genuinely called them my breasts. 11-10? Yep, let's do it. All right, it's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network,

live from Nashville in the Nashville house, the triplex. We're trying something new today. First ever KFC Radio Shot Clock Edition. It's 11, it's 10, 10 now. We have talked non-goddamn stop for fucking four days. I know. We can't keep going. I know.

We came for three hours. We've been doing three-hour episodes on top of the radio show, on top top of separate interviews on top of all the other shit we're doing down here so we're actually going to try to do an hour-long podcast which is not a novel concept at all but i'm nervous about getting it in we're not going to get it in it's already too long what i'm doing right here is already too long this is too much of an intro but i want to explain that this is the first time we're doing it it's also because we only have three ads today because our sales team fucked us So, you know, usually I try to do like three hour and the best way to get people back on your side is to say it publicly

Usually we have like six ads so I'm like we got it, you know I got a if we did six ads in an hour-long show, you know, we'd be doing ads every three seconds. So what I'm trying to say is you're welcome, audience. You're welcome, fans. So we'll be doing an hour long episode today. And real quick, while we're gonna get to our this really was like a spun bob me like three hours later kevin's like and this second sales is fucking nonsense no this isn't about us this isn't about us but this is about business because we had the fucking incomparable shane gillis on

yesterday for the uh casey radio radio if you're not watching that every day here in in uh in in nashville we've been doing an hour, two-hour-long radio show. Bert's on tonight. Bert's on tonight. You can catch all the other episodes basically on demand. Also, if you're listening right now in the morning in Nashville, sorry, we're fucked. We have a meet and greet at noon at Luke's 32 Bridge, Luke Bryan's bar. Free Whistlepig for everybody.

That's probably not true. Well, no, it's true. I can't tell you how much. It's not unlimited free Whistlepig. Well. That's probably not true. Well, no, it's true. I can't tell you how much. It's not unlimited free Whistlepig. Well, that's why you say everybody. You can't have all of it in the world. We'll be handing it out personally. I'm not going to give you 70 shots. I would be like, I'm one of the people. I am everybody.

I didn't get any free whiskey. Everybody will get free whiskey. Everybody will not get unlimited free whiskey. First 500 people. Okay. What if 10,000 people show up tomorrow? free whiskey, everybody will not get unlimited free whiskey. First 500 people. Okay. Everybody. What if 10,000 people show up tomorrow? 10,000 people will get 10,000 shots of whiskey. What I wanted

to say while we're talking about ads and business, I always make fun of Shane because he's a big dumb waterhead moron who doesn't, like he has like one ad per show on his podcast. And he's got one of the biggest podcasts in the world now. He's one of the biggest comics. And I mean that. Seeing him down in Nashville

now, he is the bell of the ball, man. For a guy who obviously went through the fire to see where he's at now, it's so awesome because everybody's taking pictures, everybody's shouting him out, everybody knows the inside jokes. And he's kept it ad-free and was fucking awesome when he started his patreon

and he charged only people a dollar well also may i say this he did not know you could increase the price right so so but what i'm saying is so now everybody is like five bucks but if you're one of the dollar patrons of matt and shane secret, just upgrade to the $5. He gave you guys the best podcast in the world for $1 because he was fucking an idiot and wanted to be like, we'll only do it for $1 because we're like a man of the people. Now he should be making so much fucking money

and he deserves it. So if you are a patron of that show, just bump it up to the $5. It's worth way more than that too. You should bump it up to the $20 range. And I'm also saying that because one day maybe we'll have a patreon and we need to get our fucking money so uh let's go we have now like 54 minutes left on the clock yeah um you are a child i am a child yep why i've been holding this in kevin i've told a tale before on this podcast about what is that noise who's was just listening to a TV show. Alright.

We're fucked. I'm just going to keep saying we're fucked. I told a story. It was my first ever summer share house. We gave a buddy $100, $200, whatever we gave him. I said, bro,

go to the market, come back with the essentials. We meant food, milk, things like that. He came back with $200 worth of freeze ice, the ice pops, Nerf guns, and mini basketball hoops.

Those are the essentials back in the day, bro. Your supermarket run was slightly more adult than bro. I I can't I knew you were going there This is like that was that's the essential run you get like cold cuts You get something that everybody can eat for dinner you get cereal. It's not milk It's those are the essentials breakfast lunch and dinner is what I took care of It's see you at the cereal you got corn pops, the frosted flake. What did you get? Cinnamon Toast Crunch, the undisputed number one.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Pops, and then somebody grabbed a frosted cereal. Okay. And then four pounds of turkey. Three pounds of yellow American cheese. I said white, and we'll get into my grocery store run. I said four pounds of turkey, two pounds of ham, two pounds of cheese. Okay. She said she gave you an extra pound of cheese. She gave me three pounds American cheese. Turkey, I said white, and we'll get into my grocery store run. Okay. I said four pounds of turkey, two pounds of ham, two pounds of cheese. Okay.

She said she gave you an extra pound of cheese. She gave me three pounds of cheese. Three pounds of cheese. And she just threw it in a bag. Like, you know, you usually get, like, the squares, the stacks of it. She just threw it in a bag. It would have been insane. That much cheese would be like, she's like, I don't have a week to do this.

I got to get it done faster than that. She probably should have just taken a block of it and been like you cut it up here's that a block of cheese and a butter knife um but then there's how many vegetables uh and get vegetables who gets vegetables for a fucking national house pats would you get vegetables absolutely not no no fucking way first when i saw the amount of cold cuts you got i was like that's a little odd but when i saw the amount of cold cuts you got i was like that's a little odd but when i heard the rest of your order i was like that's exactly what i would have got exactly i get that oh and i got bananas and apples so fuck we go yeah i got

bananas because i know you like them i got apples because i know jackie like someone got cold cuts for lunch i got tacos for dinner and i got cereal for breakfast that is the essential run you're wrong you also you're fucking wrong no i'm not what would you get what would you get saying i'm not saying you didn't do an essential run i'm just saying if like if you ask someone what the age of the person who went on that run is well yeah but that's because we're doing like yeah probably yeah but that's what i said i was like this is what we always did when we went to like a hamptons house or a jersey house because because you're not really living like real life here what do you want you're fucking you want me to saute some vegetables while we're living in a dorm room for a week? I'd pop a few veggies in there.

Fuck off. That's what you're complaining about. The worst thing you got? You can suck my dick. The worst thing you got? We're going to get some bell peppers. Yeah. I was thinking lettuce and onion and tomato.

But fuck out of here. I could chop some peppers up too. The worst thing you got though. I'm going to get onions, did you say? I'm going to get onions. You think onions is a part of an essential run i'm on a huge we never said essential i said i put i said essential when i said that's what we told my friend back in the day this was just a market run the but the the worst thing you got

and this is this is essential to i i well it's not this is not essential but i'm gonna understand the other side of the argument just like a thousand styrofoam plates. What is the problem with that? I got paper plates for the fucking... We got plates. Yeah, but I want to do dishes. Why have you guys never done this before? We don't live in a house. Only paper plates at my apartment.

But the child is agreeing with you. Wait, you're a apartment? That's what I mean. We're living like... You're a apartment? Yeah're living like your apartment? Yeah, we went with regular plates and then within a week no one did the dishes and a couple broke. Yeah! I do that at my house too. With me and the kids it's just paper plates and cups and we just throw everything out.

I don't ever have to do any dishes. We were worried about the environment here. Fuck off! It's not the environment, it's just like if I have the option between a styrofoam plate and a and i'm getting a glass plate i'm using a glass plate you can do all the dishes you want then you do all your dishes we're gone in like 24 hours i'm just gonna that's why i said get the dishes i'm gonna get the plates on my way out the door i'm just gonna fucking run the dishwasher walk out i i i think my run is is almost perfect it's it's it's not a it's a funny run and i got ice cream and i got you candy and you got me spks

yeah which i did eat with lunch yesterday because as your mom teaches you the more colorful the plate the more healthy it is the i mean i got vegetables i got there's your colors man um the it's not it wasn't a bad run it's a funny run it's it's a run for when you do these houses i was like but what's funny is i i realized like and also like sneak eating sandwiches now because i knew i was gonna make fun of you so i was trying to like quietly eat them in the corner well but you're the only one eating it because i realized we're not that age anymore like i was thinking like everybody will eat this drunk everybody will eat this like all hours of the day and it's like no we're working and yeah like going out for a dinner

and going to sleep i mean the younger kids are partying a little more we'll probably get it you guys no oh i thought you did yeah so i mean i i i was like oh this will probably be i was worried i was like this might not be enough to a cold so people are just gonna have four pounds in a night when they come home drunk i knew no one was coming to our house to get cool that's the real problem too is that it's not i said today i was like you guys like we could order food and expense it or we could go ham some ham in kevin's fridge well you know what i also didn't i don't expense things i was like we can't just keep eating out it's gonna be so expensive and everyone's like i'm just gonna expense it i was like oh i don't do that so i bought food guess what i'm expecting should we go get barbecue in like the most like

one of the more famous barbecue cities in the country? Yeah. Or Kevin's got some yellow cheese. Guess what I'm expecting. That fucking run, which was way cheaper than I thought. Down south here, you get used to these prices. Dude, it would have been like $600 in New York.

People were very surprised. They're like $37 worth of turkey. It's like, what's four pounds of turkey? Yeah. I couldn't tell you what turkey cost I got like all that shit it was like $200 I was like that in my place

it's like easy $350 today's episode is brought to you by GameTime you want to get does the burp sneak up on me probably from that Walmart ham I've been eating go to GameTime Did a burp sneak up on me? Probably from that Walmart ham I've been eating.

Go to Game Time to get your last minute tickets. What they do is they have an app with all the tickets with the lowest prices available because they track them in real time up to the second, to the very last second, where you can get in the building for any sporting event that you want where someone's trying to unload them. They can't go. They wanted to resell it. The price has dropped. Whatever happened, they can't unload them, so they're going to drop those

prices to basically zero. You can get in the building for the best price possible. Sometimes they're nosebleeds and you get them for like a dollar. Sometimes you can sit courtside and get them for a price that you could never imagine. We also got concerts you can get in the building for.

You're going to have playoffs coming up for the Bruins. The Mets are on a fucking they are a wagon. They are a team of destiny. So you can get into Citi Field. Whatever your bag is, whatever your scene is, Game Time has you covered.

It takes two taps and ten seconds to get yourself a ticket to whatever event you love right there on your phone download the game time app today go to the account tab create a login and then redeem code kfc for 20 off your first purchase terms apply download game time last minute tickets lowest price guaranteed um what do we got so we went to Josh Adam Meyers god damn jam you're right yeah just just mad at the world or the keys library is that are we on that too or me too I um we we we were doing busting with the boys yesterday and our i got when i got off when i was done with it i looked at i had 40 texts yeah it's

fucking insane i was like take this off the group text you know what you know what i actually thought of an idea uh today i think group texts need to be you can mute them them. Obviously, you can do that. But you should be able to mute individual people. A lot of group texts. Like, there's someone on this group text that, like, when they talk, I should be able to pay attention. So I can mute nine of the people. You know what you're describing is just texting individual people. Yeah.

We should just get rid of group texts. We should get rid of texting is what we should get rid of. Fucking call me. Fucking leave me alone. Yeah, but even that, I mean, we've been over this before, but it's like then she'd be calling you in the middle of the... Yeah, but that's one time. You ignore a call and go, they're busy right now. Another thing,

so I got a call yesterday while we were working. Then it was like nighttime and I wanted to be off the clock. Then I got a call very early this morning and then when we finally connected a little bit later in the morning, they were like, are you ducking me? I was like, no. When is and then when we finally connected like a little bit later in the morning they were like are you ducking me like no that's when when when when is ducking when does ducking become a duck not that's not ducking right three days yeah

okay I was gonna say I was like no I'm not ducking you it was like I didn't want to talk business at night I was gonna say a week three I took it down okay okay good I'm like I was like bro I might even say more than a week a month a month it might be a month I'll get back to you in May. I'll give you. And then you can say it's a month. Then maybe I ducked you. So we went to Josh Adam Meyers jam band.

What's it called? Comedy jam? Goddamn comedy jam. Goddamn comedy jam. And it's like a cover band slash karaoke slash comedy show. And we did it at Kid Rock's bar here in nashville i didn't realize that every superstar here owns a bar personally kid rock was in the building because he did uh if you listened to shane yesterday they did a show together and so he was in the in the building and

josh adam meyer who is like want to skyrocket right to the top one of my favorite guests we've ever had we're gonna have him back on very soon. I mean, yeah, if you're watching on YouTube, the footage of it, he had more energy. I think you said, John, that he exerted more energy than you did in the last 15 years? I said in one song he would exert more energy than I have since high school. Yes.

I mean, pouring with sweat. Sober, by the way. I was like, this dude must be zooted to the moon. And he was just straight sober, the love of music. And so he had a couple comics go up there and do uh their own their favorite song shane did dracula with soda fucking incredible but i like a lot of funny moments big j like a lot of people were up there donald donald uh donald um rawlings rawlings um but josh was like the star for me because i was i was like astounded by that

i expected it yeah no but seeing it was and i i think it's because i it's like the the main number one thing that i can't and don't do like i'm still definitely afraid of karaoke and i'm not like a high energy guy and when i see that i'm like that's so awesome like i wish i was the guy who could just jump on the bar like if i ever were if we were ever out somewhere and doing something and i jumped on the bar and i was like come on guys i would be like shut the fuck up dude get down man i actually started to tell you this story how uncomfortable is that chair uh it's not so bad on that it's not it's not that bad when i sat on it yesterday, I was like, this is terrible.

Nah, it's fine. But when Josh first was on stage, I started telling you a story, but it was so chaotic that I couldn't really. This is probably 20, God, what year was Red Sox chicken and beer? No, 14? 12? 12. It was either before or after the World Series. Yeah.

I want to say it was 12. 12. It was either before or after the World Series. Yeah. I want to say it was 12. Yeah. And we were on the early, early stages of the Barstool Blackout Tour. Like, it wasn't the Blackout Tour yet. We were still touring with Bitt Axe. Right. And we had Malfi, who's the man, Stargang affiliate. The rapper, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Malfi was the best in Stargang. And we were at some fucking bar. This was the night of the collapse, the night of the official collapse, where it was like, I think Evan Longoria went deep in extra innings down in Tampa while Lester, I'm sorry, while Papelbon was blowing a save in Baltimore. And we were at some fucking hole-in-the-wall bar. It was the real early days of the Barstool Blacklist.

Some fucking small-town bar that had locals sitting at the bar drinking while you did a den-out tour. While Malfi was out rapping in the corner. And there was no one. It was in New Hampshire or Maine or something like that. That sounds like when Tico, Texasas went to south by southwest yeah and it was like it was just like locals sit at the bar drinking like upset that the socks fucking like yeah like an all-time collapse yeah and mouth he's trying to get the crowd going he jumps up on the bar and he's like fucking kicking beer bottles you're like let's go people like dude stop man i'm trying to enjoy my dinner like at least there it was a little more jacked up yeah no that's what i mean like

it was a lot more jack my my biggest fear and and this is why i and it's like karaoke gets lumped into it is trying to get a thing going and failing like Was it Jeb Bush who was like... Please clap? It was please clap, but there was also another political person who was like, let's go... Oh, the best one ever. Can you Google the Tom Warner Let's Go Red Sox?

Yeah, that might be what I'm thinking of. It was at the parade or something. Yeah, before the parade started. It's unbelievable. It's the saddest thing you'll ever hear. Because it's also like offbeat, right? Let's go Red Sox. Yeah. Let's go Red Sox. Let's go Red Sox.

So bad. The end of a remarkable season and I would just like to start a cheer. Let's go Red Sox. Let's go Red Sox. That's me. That's me. That's me. Look at those people just like, oh my god. If I was at the tour, that's my video.

I fucking took that video off my TV. You really might have, yeah. I think that's, I'm like, I've had a million YouTubes closed. That was back in the day when we'd get a YouTube canceled on us every week. I mean, it was just burning and burning and burning. I'll tell you what, it doesn't help when you're like,

I want to start a chant. Get the voice it doesn't help me i want to start a chant get the voice and the and the declaration i would like to start a chant you don't have to declare that dude just do it that that's me if i did goddamn comedy jam i'd be like come on guys they'd be like go fuck yourself with your own dick uh so when i see that, I'm like, oh, man, I wish I was that guy. But I don't think you can fake that. Fake that? Like, if I ever tried to do that, don't you think that it would just not work? Oh, no way.

I mean, Adam's a performer. I don't mean that as a comedian. I mean, like, he's been in bands since he was, like, 12. Right, right, right, right. That's not. Never. You can't just do that. No, you can't just get on stage.

It's also crazy how they just know every fucking word to every song. You have to perform it. Cause I was thinking, okay, if you got pulled up there, cause there was a point where he was, I don't know if he was like telling me, he was like,

you guys got to come up. Yeah. Absolutely. Fucking especially cause we were not the, the, the comics that went up, people would be like, who the fuck are you?

Who the fuck are you? Uh, what would you do? We'll get to that in a second. Yeah. Who the fuck, um uh what would you do you know that we'll get to that in a second yeah who the fuck um what would you do i i honestly do not know because i was trying to think first and foremost i got like that was no karaoke there was no you just had to know the song they didn't have a screen right no no so like that's harder than you think you know the lyrics to a lot of songs to get up on stage and to know when to come in and come out.

Josh was almost like their Sherpa. Yeah, yeah. Because Josh would do every song. Right. But I would need to... Also, the only thing I would do would be a rap song. That would be the lamest. You know what I mean?

You'd have to do a fun rap song, maybe. I could do the chorus to a lot, but Josh wouldn't drive the boat. It would be a Taylor Swift would be the best chance I had at something. But even then, I don't know, maybe a third of the words I know. And that's why Shane gives the blueprint on how to do this. Dragula is amazing. What he's turned Dragula into is fucking incredible. And then he only knows half the words, and he just makes noise.

They're looking at their phones. And I don't know what that was. I meant to ask them about that. That moment there, something was... Turn that into a gif. That's a great fucking gif right there. Yo, buddy, check out my...

I love it. That could apply to anything when you're showing your buddy, dude, she texted me back. Look what she just sent or whatever. That looks exactly like Nelly being like, oh, pick this up. It was very similar to that and Kevin Hart for sure. Yeah, so we did that

and we did Bustin' with the Boys. Wait, before that, there was a kid. Oh, yeah. I didn't even do the jam band yeah this guy this was honestly the worst person i've ever met in my life a lot of great people were there and actually a ton of great stoolies there was so much crossover of like i'm here for shane but i know you and like shit like that was that was the shocking thing so let me paint the picture

of this kid he's in like a fucking uh uh no no no no no he was in like um it's not a members only jacket yeah yeah a barracuda jacket he's in a barracuda jacket and uh he had like a three-quarter under it glasses kind of shaggy he looked like a paul dano character where like if you're watching the movie you're like that dude he feels a little fucking off to me and at the end they're like he he's the one who murdered everyone he was just he was like he acted like a nerd and you're like i fucking knew it he did look like this no wait x out go to like top right yeah that was like his hair his vibe with his hair and he was like he was like really like fucking wheezy and he had like glasses he kind of squinted yeah yeah and had like spaces between all his teeth individually

and and he comes up to me at one point i'm standing uh like in the stage just watching it was by myself like kind of not in the crowd but just just on the outskirts in the suburbs of the crowd and um i like that and he uh and he comes up to me he goes no one knows who you are here which like was i was surprised how many people did come up to him yeah i figured i'm just going to bar natural no one said that we took a bunch of pictures someone gave me three cigarettes that was nice that was so cool he's like can i get a cigarette he was like here just take them and then three lucys and like he was like no i'm okay it was there were a shocking

amount of stories there so i i i wasn't gonna be like actually, actually. I was like, yeah. And he goes, I could steal you and no one would know. What the fuck? I was like, what? And I just went, yeah, yeah. But he was like this big. And I was like, bitch, try and steal me. I hope you do. And then so I love.

Tell me to remind you of that guy. Oh, that guy was awesome. That's what I mean. There were so many cool people in Nashville that either knew how to just come up and be like, yo, thanks. One guy, you know, offered me a beer. Usually, that's almost like too many people offering drinks. But at that moment, it was good. This one dude came up to all of us.

He had a cowboy hat on. He was real tall and skinny. And he just went. He was like, oh, dude. And I was like. Oh, I i got back to you as well i like that i might start bowing i think that's like cultural appropriation or some shit but i might be a bow guy from now on i think you can give i think once you start getting at the hips then you're appropriating but i think you can give a little like a little head yeah i think that's just really that's that's an appreciator of the arts. Yeah, like a little, and you do like that.

Yeah. So everybody was cool, but then that same guy, which we later put together was the same dude. He came up to me and was trying to tell me some story about, it was a very weird thing. They all called Kid Rock Bob, right? Bob, yeah. And they all knew, like, they knew the Bonfire guys, Dan and Jay, and they would call them by their first names, and they knew all the other people, and, like, he was, so he was like, I just got, like, so-and-so's number from, like, one of their producers or something. And he's like, alright, like, he was gossiping, basically, in that voice, and I was kind of just like, okay, like, whatever, man, this is weird. And then he goes, he says to me, um, he was like yeah you know like kfc i've always

like popeye's better and i was like and he was like hey he kind of like knew what he was like that's the most clever i could come up with i was like yeah and i've heard that my whole career and he was like ah shit man shit like and then and then he tried something again he was like well hang on let me think look at little thing yeah he's like let me bet another joke that's definitely what you want to do in a row and then he couldn't he was just like I got nothing it's like cool man go away from me and then we like we're exchanging stories he told her he told me his story first and he was like oh that's the guy and I was like, cool man, go away. And then we were exchanging stories. He told me his story first,

and he was like, oh, that's the guy. And I was like, oh, that's my guy too. We both fucking hate this guy. That was a great moment. Yeah, dude, if you're watching, you fucking need to figure shit out. Yeah, that guy sucked. He sucked.

That guy really sucked. Sorry, man. I don't like to bully people. That guy sucked. I'm not saying your home address. I'm just saying what you look like and what your personality is. And guy's tough. I'm not saying your home address. I'm just saying what you look like and what your personality is. And neither are great.

At this point, I probably wish he was Doxton's head. I got sexually assaulted. Not sexually assaulted. I got physically assaulted. You know, you shouldn't touch my genitals. Wait, do you call your breasts your genitals? No, that's what I mean. She didn't touch my genitals. Oh, okay, okay. I thought you said you shouldn't.

The fact that you just genuinely called them my genitals. Nobody reacted. Did you call your breasts your genitals? Motherfucker, I don't have breasts! I don't have breasts! Not what I have, man! I just have a chest, that's it chest that was fucked man that was fucked

that was fucked that was so genuinely that was fucked that was so mean that was so genuinely that was just fucking yeah Kevin has breasts this is gonna fuck our laughing about this so I was um i was physically assaulted by a cougar so i was like standing i was like standing kind of near the bar right and i i like finished my beer and i leaned to put it on the bar like this at the same time that she pulled her move

and the move she pulled was the old i'm going to run into you on purpose by accident so I was standing here she plans to bump into me as that happened I went like this I was on like one foot putting my bar my beer down huh and she like kind of shoulder checks my shoulder so I like I like spawn and they almost fell and I was like whoa whoa I was like you good like what was that but as she did it so she like hits into me and then this hand she just like like that yeah like just left it there didn't squeeze it just kind of like put pressure on it was like went down my chest and I was like whoa and just kind of like turned and went back to my business and she kept walking with her friend and pavs was like behind me and pavs heard her go well that didn't work it was like it felt like

a chick in the moment i was like yeah yeah that didn't work a quick shoulder slam and a dick grab your shoulder checked me and grabbed my breasts like fucking no that's not gonna work this chick's a fucking prude guys go around just shoulder checking chicks like fucking pr, that's not going to work. These chicks are fucking prude. Guys go around just shoulder-checking chicks. They're like, fucking prude. Where's the next one? Can't believe she didn't want to fuck me. But then that same girl, woman, later, to you. Yeah, we kept getting accosted by the same people.

It's like we had hitmen out for us. If we were, like, crazier, despicable people, we could have just, like, double-teamed that cooter. She was so desperate, man. She roasted you, dude. She got you good. She came up to me and I was wearing my Westport sweatshirt because it's the only warm thing I have here.

It's cold in Nashville. You guys have good PR. I thought it was warm here. It's not. It's cold. She came up and she just kind of like it wasn't. Hers wasn't like a great. She kind of just like red Westport on my sweatshirt and she went westport is that and she was shit westport is that in connecticut and i went no this one's massachusetts just went thought so new you're not like you're not connecticut material exactly of like like literally the exact thing that uh happened to

my friend once his parents were divorced and his dad came home and dropped him off um in a in his new car and uh and he gets his mom's waiting in the doorway and he walks his son to the door his mom's in the door where she's smoking a cigarette smoking a cigarette new car what is that is that a corolla and he goes no it's a what is that a camry no it's a corolla that's out which is such a

fucked up thing to do as if a camry is that much better even you know no you got the lesser version sounds about right. Checks out. That's fucking brutal, man. Also, Westport Bass is better than Westport Canine Kids.

Suck my dick. Bro, we have like 20 minutes to go. That's it. That's good. Fine. We got Netflix and that's it. We're done. Okay.

But no, then we got to do Emma the Asshole and her voicemails. Okay. We are going to go over, folks. No, we got 30, actually. We got 30, actually. Okay. So, yeah, Netflixflix announced or like like people have been reporting on netflix that they're like going down the tubes they lost 200 000 subscribers

last month they expect to lose like a million in total they said they're going to stop sharing letting allowing password sharing and they're going to up the price basically all they're going to put in ads and they're going to put it now that's like one of the things i think is like that's all on the table yeah which is the fucking soft launch yeah of it's happening they'll roll it out in pieces but it all happened i mean me and you were team commercial that doesn't bother me too much nope also also the price of a commercial i'll tell you what the price doesn't matter because i've been bootlegging my netflix for a long time you but i guess i pay for all my shit i'm an idiot i don't share one password i i pay for hbo max i pay for guess i pay for all my shit i'm an idiot i don't share one password i pay for hbo max

i pay for prime i pay for i pay for actually almost i think everything except netflix i've always bummed netflix really there's always been on my brothers or girls or whatever um but i guess i'll have to pay for it eventually the price doesn't the price has always been underpriced if you ask me but i guess now not anymore when it anymore, when it's breaking apart into all these different... We've said this before. It's going to become cable. You're going to end up spending about $150 on 10 different streaming services that are $15 a month each, and it becomes cable.

But it is interesting that Netflix has gone basically, you know, they've plummeted, which... They were king of the castle. They were top of the mountain for a long time. It makes sense that in the era of, I mean, in the last two two years they've added 10 there was one streaming service in the beginning right and they had it a lot for a long time way more than 10 i bet we don't know so yeah yeah oh there's there's 50 but i think we have yeah yeah yeah but i mean they were they

were all alone for probably too long like i think i think netflix is probably like why is nobody else doing this? And now they are. They have to change. But what they should have done has been adapting on the fly so that they didn't have to be like, we're fucked. Well, I also think their adapting was

they're like, we're going to become a movie studio. Yeah, and that was dumb. Dude, I've read that they put out two to three new pieces of content a day. That's so stupid. That's insane. What they used to do was perfect.

Be it movies, miniseries, whatever. Remember early on when it was like the new Netflix means it's going to be good because they only had like three things that had ever come out and those were all good and it was like, there was a name to like a Netflix original. There was like a cachet to it and now it's like...

Now I would call it a negative. If you're a Netflix original, I'd be like, ah, fuck it, watch that. For every one Ozark, there's like... Because what they did too, they loved their algorithm. They fucking leaned into that algorithm where they're like, people like a rom-com with a chick and a guy and this and that

and we're going to make this cookie cutter movie and just churn those the fuck out. I do think their reality shows, I think think are all like originals right those fucking yeah it's blind and those probably crush but i i don't think anything else they don't though i was reading you know another article where it was breaking down the fucking it was it was international so like it was like these movies are like the most popular movies in the country and it was like like ghost rider is like the most popular movie in like taiwan and then there's like i forget what's

the most popular movie in france is but they're all like these movies that frankly suck yeah they're not like they were they were block officer block office bus that never caught on anywhere and the article's point was essentially like netflix spends 13 billion dollars a year at least last year they did 13 billion dollars on new content and they don't understand that people use their service as a saturday morning on the couch on tnt right like that's whatever like i'll pay attention i'll pay half attention give me like a good b action movie give me like fucking and i'm trying to give me shooter give me fucking a good b action movie give me like fucking and me i'm trying to give me shooter give me fucking shooter that's which i watched on netflix a bunch of times and i think

it's still on there so i'm going against my word because i do have that but it's probably not for much longer because like i mean everybody watched the office in the pandemic and then peacock came out and they were like we're taking the office back thank you but by the way do you know mom and family's on peacock mom was an Family's an ABC show. ABC, yeah. So that's because ABC probably doesn't have a streaming service right now, and so they leased it out to them. It's also on Hulu, but that's weird. And then when ABC finally puts out ABC+, they're going to buy it back.

Does ABC not have a streaming service, you goddamn idiots? I don't think. They don't have like a... I guess they don't really have shows. Everybody has like on-demand. They have like the grays and all those. ABC app live stream. Yeah, abc live is a thing but i but it's not like you can get in a new original show right or you can go watch all your favorite because like seinfeld is still on the on netflix that's insane oh wait no wait that was nbc that was nbc seinfeld on netflix now

that's what i mean yeah i was gonna say it was abc but that's actually so that feels weird so like he got was already out i think yeah so so what i think they still do is i think it's money i think it's like it it should take those 13 billion dollars and say i know you have peacock but we'll give you 4 billion for the office right because that's what people want it for it's like don't spend it on shit that people don't want but it's hard to just like admit that you know what i mean it's like they probably they do have ozark and they're like let's make another one of those but it's hard to make those and if you keep flopping yeah it's such an easy thing to say i know like just keep making ozark you know but if you could get

like one show a couple reality shows and have like two or three of the big rewatchables like you're probably good yeah but that's that's a very successful tv channel. Yeah, right. We got one hit. We got two reality shows. The goofy stuff. People like, yeah. Yeah. But it is interesting to think that, like, Netflix was so cutting edge, and now they're, like, the dinosaur that, like, didn't, you know, figure it out. I wouldn't say dinosaur, but it's just like they all, it's almost like they're a regular

studio where it's just like, we'll spend $13 billion. They're trying. So much fun. They're fucking trying. Let's say they spent $ 13 billion dollars last year can you name 10 things they did um all right it's like does ozark count or it has to be like new no ozark counts okay so like ozark love is blind um um is emily the darris power the dog um emily and paris i don't know when that came up i'll count it bridgerton bridgerton uh i guess adam project that just came out yeah that's within the last year we're getting loose with the year but that's fine i don't care I'm still I still want to do 10 um yeah I mean it's hard like the

fact that we're even like struck like I'm sure I could really rack my brain here and come up with it wasn't a shot clock episode but yeah I mean that's not a good it's not a good hit rate if you're spending and also none of those shows are good I also in general was I watched Bridgerton in the night but I hated every second of it yeah that's that's what netflix shows are yeah i'm gonna watch this because it gets like it's like well why you're running like any show there's that one where mgk and jamie fox would explode from doing drugs i never saw that ago but yeah that was a long time ago now that you remember you talking about them power or something like that like that yeah um but the uh yeah it's just like i don't know it's their even their

their algorithm is just like here's bullshit that people like like british is objectively bad shit yeah it's stupid but i watched their their their algorithm oh you you was a big one a maid i've heard a maid i haven't heard most of these though i thought even seeing them i'd be like oh yeah right the witcher is like a... Oh, I know that one, yeah. Yeah. See, the problem is, like, you know, they need, like, Stranger Things. They need, like, a... It's almost like it's all spread out.

Like, they had, like, a moment where it was like, oh, I... You know what it is? It's like sex life is a dumb... It's a lot of dumb shit, rom-com slash, like, trashy romance that chicks like. Reality TV show trash. And then they try to have... They have their, like, fun movies. and then they try to have they have their like fun movies and they try to have like their serious thing their their formula is not wrong i actually think it's right but they just don't hit and that's a bit that's the major problem oh squid game we've got about squid game that was a big one so wait a minute you know what

i mean like that's like they've had all the like why are they losing fucking five you know it's still it is surprising to me that they're... I can understand that now all these other streaming services are coming out, so Netflix is taking a hit, but it shouldn't be plummeting. No, it's... Tim Robinson? Tim Robinson, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, there's a lot. Now that they're watching it, there's a lot. But I... I don't know. I don't know what the... I don't know why. I honestly think that's what it is. It's just there's budget. People have to decide do I want to watch the new HBO? People are like, I can't afford

exactly what described to me at the start. I have to make choices. You know what I heard? If I had to cut a streaming service right now, I'd cut Netflix. Yeah. I might cut Netflix. Yeah. I might cut it. Apple TV came in hot as my favorite, and now it's my favorite. I think Apple TV's on the uptick.

I feel like I haven't been watching it much. I don't watch it that often. I watch it less often, but all their shit's good. I've been watching Winning Time, the Lakers show, right? And I just learned this today because i saw kirk minahan tweeting it like jerry west has like like asked for a apology basically yeah um and i was asking kirk about it because he like read the book and obviously was alive for it because he's so old and shit um and he was like none of it is correct like at least from i guess

what his point of view was like all of it is because i think it's an entertaining show i don't necessarily think it's like good it's still like't necessarily think it's, like, good, because it's still, like, a sports thing, which is never, like, the most, you know, the best for that, but if it's all, like, incorrect, what the fuck are we doing? Well, but I mean, like, do you watch a show and be like, this is all

fact? No, but, like, if Jerry West is not, like, a maniac, I remember being like, I didn't know Jerry West was like this, and apparently it's like he wasn't. I don't know. He's like a maniac drunk in this. Oh, really?

He's like a brooding, miserable, trashes his office. That's Jason Clarke who plays him, right? Yes. Yeah. That's wild. Yeah, so if things like that are not true... But that's actually... I've been meaning to bring that up.

That's why I like the rise of the docudrama. docudrama with that because i i hate documentaries because everyone watches it and like this is fact oh so because it's a scripted documentary yeah yeah i'm like all right i actually like like the fucking but that's all like if you just watch it with the same level of what people don't they don't yeah like you should that you should you should watch it with like this is entertaining because who knows what's fact and actually speaking of that um kind of related to netflix i don't know if it's true or not because i think it came from the mouth of burke pressure so you fucking chop like 80 truth of it but he and maybe you can google this while i say it he said that kodak invented the digital camera back in the day and they were like we can't let the world know about

this because like then we're fucked so they like tried to suppress it and never patented it and then like someone else eventually came along and got it when like kodak could have just been like we're patented what was it what would you patent and just not make it or you know like switch gears and be like we're gonna go away from film to like digital camera yeah uh and be like, we're going to go away from film to digital cameras now. And then someone else just fucking, yeah. Shout out to Burt. It was true. It was true. Imagine that though.

You make TVs or something. You come up with the new TV and you're like, we'll just hope that no one else ever figures it out. Someone's got to figure this shit out. That's what happened with the EPL. That's when the Premier League was formed because the english soccer in like up until like the late 80s owners didn't want the games on tv because they thought it would kill ticket sales and and then like that's so that's like a barstool brain idea so short-sighted we make our money because like at that time like english soccer as a whole was like 100 teams.

I do get it. That is very personal. They were like, we need people to go to our website, not to YouTube. That's how we're making our money right now. What we probably needed to do was take a hit for six months to then grow. Then become a global game. But if you were like,

we can't take a hit for six months. We'll go under or whatever. and then become a global game right but if you were like well we are barely like we need that we can't go like we can't take a hit for six months we'll like go under or whatever global league i'm sorry like i don't think the premier league had that problem but like when when barcelo was trying to grow the idea of like we need to be able to pay salaries we need to be able to give out bonuses and you know what i mean so i can understand where sometimes it's easier to just be like we gotta just keep doing what we're doing that's why it's a hard it's hard to run a business because you gotta take like risks and the right risks and spend the money the right way or you want to buy netflix or it's like well we tried we just totally fucked it up uh all right i'm on the asshole today is brought to you by

manscaped you are an asshole if you don't manscape uh you are an asshole if you do your trimming and don't use manscape products because you know you can't just let your shit run wild. You can. It's not naked and afraid, dude. You're not just out in the woods, like, fucking living your best life with your bush everywhere. I don't mind a little. You can, you don't have, I'm not saying you got to be an inside-out cat, all smooth. I'm just saying you can't be, like, everywhere, you know, especially guys.

Jesus Christ. Yeah. Some guys out there there it's the only place i got it shake my chest and there was this guy at the the comedy jam who was did you see him he was just dancing by himself the whole time no fucking head banging and then uh one song he just kept going he kept biting his lip no I don't remember this guy you saw him right do you remember that or did you black it out yeah he was

unreal he was so god damn funny by himself the whole time he was sweating like Josh was he was like he thought he was on stage so manscaped.com slash KFC you can get 20% off your order which they can you get the lawnmower clipper, which is nick proof and waterproof, and it has a light. You can get all their like lotions and

serums. They also sell like boxers that don't help you not sweat. They have the toiletry bags. They've got every, really everything you need to keep your body like clean, fresh, smelling good, looking good. Manscaped.com promo code KFC. Sorry, not slash KFC. Manscaped.com code KFC to get 20% off plus free shipping and

get the crop preserver, the ball toner, all that. What is the magic mat? Ooh, that is a good idea. i should have invented that yeah because every time i trim even like i'm shaving and it just goes everywhere on the sink and then you do that thing where you gotta cup the water and shoot it around to try to get the water off i've never seen the magic mat actually but there is something i've seen with like i don't know if it's magnets or sticky the thing yeah like the apron which is it's a good

idea it's preposterous though yeah i'm not gonna hook that thing around my neck and then suction cup it to the wall that's what it is so this looks like just something you stand on and then you can fold it all up that just looks like literally a mat i don't know i don't know if there's any technology to it i think it's literally like a little newspaper yeah they send it with you what what you need is a is a mat that has some sort of like um static electricity or something so the hair like just like you know that's very smart right i don't know if that's a thing but if it could just like suck into it um or you stand on something that has a little vacuum just sucks it in anyway manscaped.com

promo code kfc 20% off plus free shipping am i the asshole okay oh i got one that's not really like an am i the asshole but it's but i'll turn it into one um let me find that we'll start off with that one because it was funny i'll call it um am i the asshole for trying to get my boyfriend to stop digging his tunnel? So I know it's a weird question, but my boyfriend likes to spend a lot of his time digging a tunnel on some property that he inherited. I haven't seen the full extent of it, but last I saw it was remarkably deep under the surface. You spent roughly a year on it, and it's evident. The front of the thing is deep, wide, and well put together. At the front, which is the only part I've seen, he's got cement beams, electric lights, even chairs and a small table.

I haven't gone into it, but it looks like the quality severely dropped as the tunnel went further, mostly becoming open dirt with some wood beams holding it up. My biggest concern is his safety. I'm really worried that he's going to dig too deep and it'll collapse on him or something. I've tried voicing this concern to him, but he just laughs it off and assures me he'll be fine. Aside from safety concerns, there's also the fact that he doesn't really have a social life because of this thing. It's pretty much the only person he'll tell.

I'm pretty much the only person he still talks to outside of his job, and he doesn't go out and do anything anymore. It used to be that he'd occasionally head out and do some digging on the weekends, but now he spends almost all of his free time out there. He still comes home, but he barely spends any time with me, and I know that he'd occasionally head out and do some digging on the weekends but now he spends almost all of his free time out there he still comes home but he barely spends any time with me and i know that he isn't doing anything but digging that damn hole in the ground this can't be good for his mental health but i don't know how to convince him to stop he's always got he's always

he's always really happy when he comes back from digging which is why i haven't seriously tried to stop him before but i was talking to my friend about him and she told me he might be going crazy obviously i don't think he's insane but i hadn't considered the mental health aspect of this and i just don't know what to do so it's not really that my asshole it's more of like oh holy shit what's what's what's the what's the situation here the situation is this dude is the fucking man he's awesome he is so cool this guy is the fucking best i will completely 100 side on her with the safety though that that if you don't know what you're doing a tunnel can absolutely honestly i'm gonna say this thing i'm gonna say this dude is 100 the man he's gonna also i will 100 side with her on everything

like yeah it's insane yeah this is this is a coin to us it's like an even steve it's not like obviously i don't think there's something mentally wrong with him. No, obviously there is something mentally wrong with him. Yeah, he's crazy. He digs a tunnel every day, all day. This is actually very reminiscent of the movie. He's an adult. Yeah, when I was six, I used to try to dig to China. He's an adult man.

I realized I can't dig to China now, so I stopped trying. And maybe he's just a dreamer. This is strictly 100% because of the movie starback was featuring kevin bacon which is a movie i i'm the only person in the world who references that movie he he goes through a digging phase because he's like uh kind of possessed and like uh there's a ghost and he's haunted and he's like digging and he ends up finding spoiler alert a body because of it maybe maybe he's digging for something maybe he's not oh you think he's got he's digging for something. Maybe he's not just digging. He's got, which would be insanity still. Yeah, but maybe he's calling him to do it.

Right, like there's a, yeah, he has a calling. Like, feel the dreams. If you build it, they will come. What if you could have callings for things? Like, I feel like there are only two callings you're allowed to have in life. You're allowed to have a calling to the frock, to priesthood. The frock. Yes, a higher power. Or a calling to. Talent the frock to to the priesthood the frock yes a higher power or calling to talent like your job like you know i think i i honestly don't think you can have a call into that i guess

maybe to like music and shit like that but i was gonna say to like uh like defend your country to patriotism okay that's fair those are the two only two respected calling yeah like if you were like what if you were just a fucking you were a fucking cashier at Walmart and you're like I have a calling to this people would be like what are you fucking nuts why don't you say it to other people it's respectable in those other two fields a calling has to imply that you like are

a sacrifice happening and that it's like a thing that you're doing if you're a cashier at Walmart there's a sacrifice happening if you're a cashier at Walmart there's a sacrifice happening you're If you're a cashier at Walmart, there's a sacrifice happening. You're getting fucked by the Waltons. Yeah, but that's the best you can do. That's not true. Why is that? What if they had

a calling? Because you're a fucking cashier at Walmart. But that was their calling. You're doing exactly what I thought you were going to do. You're looking down on the Walmart cashiers just like everyone does. Oh, if I had an American flag on my arm or if I had a fucking priest, I think it's called a frock. That's why I said if i had an american flag on my arm or if i had a fucking uh a priest i think it's called a frock that's why i said if i had a frock on the frock was the

like the collar then that's what i meant to say if i had the collar on you'd be like you'd be like wow what an honorable man this is because he had a calling and he stuck to his calling this guy's an honorable man i'm coming around on him he's honorable he has a call internal digger it's honorable fucking dig bro he's got a calling to fucking dig the big dig man dude every this guy he can do anything he wants in this world that he that he like it'll tell his friends what his god is for i just love the thought that he that he like it'll tell his friends or his girlfriend just like i'm jigging man like because not only does he do it but he's got to talk about it right like he's got to be like oh

today man i did like six or seven feet today hit some real like hard sediment but we also got through to you know he's got like like tunnel talk now i mean that to me is the best part of it just being a tunnel enthusiast yeah and he'll die down there no doubt uh but he'll die happy die in the dirt like he always wanted to die no doubt i mean like dude like this is one he has he has no formal tunnel digging training there's no way he's putting up proper support beams he's gonna collapse on him he's going i mean the first thing said he had cement and he had fucking beams like he he already took it a step further than i thought he would it's also like i think it sounds like he has a regular job like it's not

like he works yeah no well like yeah you know what it's like there's a nine to five and then there's fucking yeah he clocks clocks out down at the pharmacy and heads over. What could be his... I think the idea that he has a mental disorder, a calling, or he's possessed is more reasonable than any other quote-unquote logical answer. Why would you dig?

Those are the logical answers. Is he digging gold? He's an insane person. Because he's digging across. Yeah, it's a tunnel. It's not a hole. That's not for no because he's digging across yeah it's a tunnel it's not a hole that's not how you would you you wouldn't dig for gold it's just like i'm just gonna go six feet down and dig sideways all the way under this thing this guy's fucking awesome man just the best guys are the best nobody's an asshole here everyone's right literally everyone here is right except for the guys except for the tunnel digger he's not he's so wrong bro he's great he's

just wrong and he's gonna he's gonna die if this was in in real life though like i would hate you i'd be like stop digging your fucking tunnel enough for the goddamn tunnel imagine it was your wife imagine like your wife or a girlfriend See, this is why girls suck, though. Chicks suck. Because there is not any universe, any scenario in this world where a girl would be a tunnel digger. There's not one girl

who would ever be like, fucking digging this tunnel. And it's awesome that that guy just has to dig a tunnel. It's a new land you know what that yeah big time tunnel time yeah like like when guys do dumb fucking like illogical shit it's awesome you know it's cool that's when i say like chicks don't have hobbies like you don't dig tunnels that should that that should be like if i was on dating apps and shit like

opening lines i'd be like would you ever consider digging a tunnel would you ever consider spending here yeah would you ever dig a tunnel like you're off time how many tunnels have you guys done uh not in recent years not many but at the beach plenty I had yeah like you never you're never gonna catch a girl at the tunnel I had I'll dig a tunnel right now if you want so guess what you're doing today you hope you brought some work clothes yeah get on your boots get on your hard hat go get a shovel a spade and start digging like like like when you go have you have you dug tunnels at the beach? No, you haven't. Yes, yes, yes. At what age?

I don't know. A tunnel is just a hole, like a big hole. Yeah, I mean, tunnels, to be honest, you've got to be... I've never dug a tunnel at the beach. I've dug a lot of holes. Tunnels, I'm saying, this guy is awesome. Tunnels are hard. Tunnels will collapse in on you very quickly if you don't do it right. Yeah, I didn't have a death wish as a kid.

In her words, she was like, I'll be honest honest the front is pretty impressive she's like holy shit you're a fucking tunnel digger girls will just never be like meme of the horse yes it's worse and worse just like ladies dig more tunnels you know um yeah that's it right there that's that's the fucking the tunnel am i the asshole for pointing pointing out historical inaccuracies of my girlfriend's erotic writing? You've got to be honest. Probably for sure. I would say so, yeah. Me, 23 male.

My girlfriend, 20 female. My girlfriend let me use her old computer while mine is broken, and I found an old archive wrote by her. This guy. This guy's playing editor-in-chief? You're going to tell me the fucking inaccuracies

when you say I found an archive wrote by her when she was 16. It's a long story about a maid in the antebellum south that has a romantic affair with the man of the house it is not as overtly sexual as you may be thinking i mean i wasn't really going there right away yet well you i was going probably towards the uh the obvious rape of this maid oh right i was gonna go antebellum south, that would inspire the maid's slave.

Yes, but I was going to go with torrid, forbidden affair, but consensual. That's where John's brain went. That's what they call him. John Rape Feidelberg. Hi, my name's John. They call me Rape. It has sex,

mostly towards the ending. What the fuck was that? That was worse than the breast thing. I was going to was that that was worse than the breast thing the maid is clearly meant to be a version of my girlfriend everything was fine for me until the part when they arrived to a train station the maid wanted to leave because she couldn't bear for their romance to be hidden anymore wait everything was fine for me up until the part when they arrived to a train station the maid wanted to leave because she couldn't bear for their romance to be hidden anymore wait everything was fine for me up until the part when they arrived to a train

station the maid wanted to leave because she couldn't bear for the romance to be hidden anymore the men was following her i mean this guy is this is like a fucking third grader wrote this the man was following her to try to convince her to stay the issue is that the issue is that i found the general representation of the station and later in story, the trains themselves to be full of anachronisms. How is he going to drop anachronism on me after the first paragraph? What's an anachronism? Probably where he made up. Cause I don't know either.

Okay. Historical and accuracy. I am a train enthusiast. Thanks. Who Duke? What's that mean? We were at the college. Oh yeah.

Yeah. I thought it was gonna be some sort of joke about his new hair I was hoping it was hoping it was making fun of his physical appearance usual I guess we strayed from that one oh it's Stefan just told him it looked bad the other day really yeah that's fucked up what did you say yeah I said it kind of looks like he's wearing a bad wig that's fucked up I like it how did you react to that

you've been an asshole the whole night so I didn't really how long did you how long did you use sun and together that color oh no I did six dye like hair dyes oh I saw that tweet the other day you had like the kit and everything with the gloves.

Yeah, it was really just me and my friend got drunk, and she was like, I'll do it for you. And I was like, okay. So, yeah, we dyed it six times to get this color. It looks good, but when you're hungover, you do look like someone from Twilight. Yeah. I would imagine, too.

I mean, that wouldn't be an insult to anybody. I'll take looking like someone from Twilight over they're fucking hot take almost anything bro um made one to leave okay anachronisms i am a train enthusiast by the way we have three minutes to go i'm a train enthusiast and i know a lot about the history of rail transportation in the united states so i talked to my girlfriend about it but she got upset because she said i shouldn't have read that because it was personal because it was a personal thing from when she was a teenager. She was also mad that my reaction

was something as superficial as the level of the train accuracy. Yeah, you an asshole. This is the worst. Also, I was right on the rape thing. But this dude is the woman's trying to leave.

The guy's trying to leave. The guy's chasing her. Yeah, that was right. No, no, no. You're wrong. I'm right. She didn't want to be in public or private or whatever. I'm right. It was a forbidden love, like I said.

Guess why he didn't want to go public with Kevin. Yeah, right. Right. But I know that, but there's no rape. How about the top comment? This dude is on the spectrum. And as a fellow autistic guy, I could probably set him straight with a 15-minute one-on-one going back through the files. He says, but the, he goes, but my train's part is just some spectrum shit.

He might be right. That it's just like, you can't, you just fix it. He's not an asshole because he's autistic. He's just autistic and also an asshole, it feels like. Yes. Yeah. Correct. But also.

Also, it is funny. Why do you. I wouldn't go through. Like this slavery story. About the train. Yeah, why? Why is that? I would actually go so far as to say that she's the bigger asshole in the situation.

Because there's something deeply wrong with you if you're like I'm going to write my erotica, oh yeah it takes place in the antebellum that's what I mean, that's what we should be dissecting you really chose a backdrop that was oh no no no, back when we

owned people I fell in love man, I'm just ready to write my story, so picture this a backdrop that was... Oh, no, no, no. Back when we owned people. Yeah. So, like, I fell in love, man. I'm just ready to write my story, so picture this. 1940s Auschwitz. Here we go. What the fuck, man? People do do it.

That's what I mean. There are certainly love stories. The tattooist of Auschwitz had me in fucking tears. Dude, the tattoo of Auschwitz, I can't spoil the end of it. It's going to become a TV show. I think HBO already optioned it. But boy, the end of it is fucking insane what happens. But that's what I mean. Those are, and I get why you do it, because slavery and the Holocaust and these things of the deepest, worst atrocities.

When you find love in a hopeless place. Yeah, I get why you do that. I just think you're kind of crazy when you're when you take on that mine yeah give me that one but fell in love in a homeless place yeah yeah we got a reference yeah well cuz I just thought it was like you know yeah I find fuck it wasn't because I thought no I mean I think it's a solid it was just it's not like funny it was just like well it wasn't funny it was just like she how about an attaboy that's why well i've said that before about anybody who meets through ksu radio i'm like you guys found 11 okay okay let's get into voicemails

let's do it in 10 seconds um this is overtime it's 11 10 our voicemails are brought to you by 3G. It's 3G day because nobody cares about 420 anymore. The real day is 421. That's 3G day where you can get all your 3G and you get super high on Delta 9. Now, Delta 9 is THC, but it's just like a different chemical, chemistry extract. What? Delta 8. Well, but now they're getting into Delta 9 too. But yeah, Delta 8 is the bread and butter for 3C and they have the

vapes, they have the tinctures, they've got the powder that you can pour into your water. They've also got pink lemonade and a couple other flavors, so either flavorless or your favorite drinks uh and for three cheap this okay let me cut to the chase 21 off i've said this before let's go back into the olden days when you used to have to buy weed and it was not legalized right could you ever

imagine in that situation the person providing it for you giving you a 21 percent like hey we're running a special today maybe on the corner i'll give you a fucking deal 21 off no never now you can load up on all of it like i said the vape cartridges i recommend getting the gummies i also fucking love the edibles because their their pastries and shit are just good uh they also have the uh the drink mix they've even got your oils that you can make your own edibles every which way, all of that is 21% off, I think you should like load up for the

year, like get all of it cause you're gonna use this throughout the rest of your life every day, all day, every week whatever your frequency is, so just get it now for 21% off if you've got some money to spare, just get like $2,000 worth

it's closer to 1 5th off but it's almost a quarter off how about that for fractions wait what I said it's almost a quarter off but it's closer to 1 5th off yes it is you are right I'll give you credit for that alright thank you

21 is closer to 20 than it is to 25 I think I almost went cross-eyed doing it I figured it out. So, it's 3 Chi Day 21. Happy 3 Chi Day 21. Go to 3chi.com. That's the number 3. C-H-I dot com. Use promo

code 3CHIDAY21 and get 21% off your whole goddamn order. Make sure you're 21 and up uh and they're also our live show sponsor thursday night so we'll be dabbling with the delta 8 before our show to make sure it's extra good so come see us and enjoy it and have a good three cheat day and if you are uh watching or listening right now and you didn't see it on the first day that it dropped it's no longer three cheat day sorry you snooze you lose but you can always get 5% off with Stool 5.

S-T-O-O-L 5. And you'll always get 5% off with also like a free sticker. So if you got the 3G Day deal, good for you. If not, Stool 5 at 3G.com. How many times do you think I could have got paths to go back and forth? Oh, a million. I was working on like seven. But then he stopped. What did you put in the middle?

Yeah, I just put it in the middle. I mean, he did it. It was amazing. I've never felt more power in my life. He was just boing, boing, boing, boing. 15 seconds. Like that question. What up, guys? it's your boy Smiley got a question for you

was listening to the last episode where you guys were talking about kind of like the unwritten rules of the bus what are some other unwritten rules that like us as a society need to follow that's a great short question what was the bus I don't know but real quick in order to make these shot clock episodes possible

from now on you don't have to say all of our names that is just you don't know, but real quick, in order to make these Shot Clock episodes possible, from now on, you don't have to say all of our names. That is just to, you don't have to do it. Because the names are getting, there's so many more names. We can shout out Stefan next. It's like, Jesus Christ. The bus, the unwritten rules of the bus. Does anyone remember that? Bus, the bus, the bus.

No. Oh, it was like the pregnant woman standing, sitting. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah. That was just like mass transgenders. The other unwritten rules. I mean, see, the thing about like there's a difference between manners and unwritten rules, though. So you got to like rack your brain to try to find some actual unwritten rules because a lot of those just end up falling over.

Like, I think there should be an official kind of unwritten rule it's a little bit cliche a little bit hack but like anything if you're further than 10 feet away i'm not holding the door for you sort of thing um this is an unknown rule that i would break constantly i don't think you should look at yourself on and walk what i don't think you should look at yourself on and walk look at yourself on a walk is that what to look at your cell phone and walk. What? I don't think you should be able to look at your cell phone and walk. Look at yourself on a walk? Is that what you're saying? Look at your cell phone and walk. Oh.

Dude, I'm like a fucking running back. Are you talking about FaceTiming? What are you talking about? Okay, fine. That's a happy medium. You can't FaceTime in public? Yeah. Can't FaceTime in public.

I love that. I'm going to go back down here. Okay. Whenever I stand up, it's going to be real quick. That's the rule for life. There's another one. Say you're walking around. When you're standing up, it's going to be fast.

I will always be sitting if possible. No FaceTiming in public is great. No speakerphone talk. No speakers. People who play music. Yeah, yeah. That's stupid. people who put their water bottle directly in the line of vision when we're having a podcast why that's disgusting each

other i like it works good for me it's making me realize your eyes are very close together what the fuck no they're not dude because it's almost blocking out your whole eyes block out your eyes too i have a friend who's a bitch and an eye doctor uh who told me that i have eagle eyes she's like yeah some people they're close yours are just really close together you're an eye doctor don't fucking tell me that your eyes are totally normal oh yeah then that's the opposite fuck that's that's honestly though when you ended it with she's an eye doctor i'm on her side now yeah well every she says it's canon every time i see her she tells me she's like i got a friend they tell me i have cancer they're a dickhead

he's a fucking doctor he's probably right she definitely is it's just in my head would have been fine without that um the uh fuck unwritten rules sex should last 13 minutes that should be an unwritten rule what's that sex should last 13 minutes um that's another one on break um dude i don't know this is fucking hard can you shout out like places you'd be you can go unwritten rules how about i don't know how i is fucking hard. Give me, shout out like places you'd be. You can go unwritten rules of that. How about, I don't know how I can. I'm like trying to think like too quick, like Dr. X, because I know we're on the shot clock. And I'm trying to like, I'm just moving too fast to be a Professor X.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That dude's Dr. X. Give him his proper respect. He's a professor. He got another degree. He's too high. He's got another degree. Can I just, I don't know if this is an unwritten rule, but I just want to make fun of the Muslim women at the grocery store for a second I'm just describing them it had nothing to do with it

you're all fucked up for that their performance getting me my endless pounds of cold cuts it was insane there was three chicks they were all just talking and i stood at the deli counter and they would they were just like looking at me they would keep talking they're like and i said hi can i get some i said can i get something because i was like am i in the right spot and they were like yeah i was like what i'm sorry can i get some lunch meat here and then she um proceeded to try to give me ham for turkey and then um tried to uh give me an entirely like incorrect type of

ham it was like a pepper cracked whatever whatever whatever uh try to give you the good kind no it was like you know that you know that uh that like, it was like, you know that skinny pink turkey? I don't like that at all. Rather than being a regular size. Anyway, what it really comes down to maybe my unwritten rule, we can cut that. My unwritten rule is there has to be

some agreed upon level of service. Like north, south, oh you're on southern time now? No no you're too fucking slow down here yeah like there needs to be some sort of there should really be no the unwritten rule should be there should be no like downtime during a transaction you know what i mean like you're my waiter or you're serving me something or you're pumping my gas you're providing whatever good or service you know you should just be like doing that the whole time there's no stopping to like

you know what i mean like oh i'll get that in a second like you know let me go over here and do this like i'll get to you you know what i mean like just keep it going keep it fucking moving i had the exact opposite experience in jamaica where it was like dude leave me alone for a minute where it was two on top of you so you but were they coming around like it was just like i'll be sitting at the bar and he'd like anything you need anything and then you hang out and talk to me i'd be like dude i just want to chill yeah i can understand that i don't want to have a conversation okay but that's them coming to you i agree with that but if you come to him and you're like can i get a drink oh and he's like yeah yeah what do you want you order it and then he like decides to dump the ice for a second ring

somebody else up it's like once this starts we should fucking get it done i get that i hate people like all that's like you're like you're an impatient new yorker it's like i know i am but also meet me somewhere in the middle where it's like just get this shit done yeah okay next voicemail whoa my man had the low flow pressure in that in the shower kfc crew just listen to the Thursday podcast and you guys were talking about family hooking up other family and I kind of have a story to tell off that

so my aunt and my uncle started dating back in high school and they both have my aunt has a sister my uncle has a brother now my aunt and my uncle got married right out of high school and my aunt knew that my uncle who she married had a brother and she had a sister and

she thought it'd be a great idea to hook them up after they got married they ended up giving them to date then their siblings got married so technically that's like incest if you want to call it that that's not but close what makes the situation worse is that every family get together whether it's a wedding reunion even a fucking funeral my aunt feels the need to tell every one of the kids you know there's incest in our family and just brags that she caused it like she eats that shit up so my question to you guys is what's the weirdest thing either you or someone you know has bragged about? Oh, boy. We went all over that.

Yeah, that was a serpentine route. That's not even close to incest. That's not incest, but also the aunt who brags about it. She has a kink. She's got to go with the antebellum chick. We got to unpack your sexual stuff. Yeah, no, she likes that. She thinks it's cool.

I bet they swing those. I bet they're swapping the whole time. When that does get weird, remember, like, a couple weeks ago, we talked about the twins who married the twins

and then had the babies. So, technically, they're brothers because they have the same DNA, but they're also cousins. Oh, right, right, right. That's where it gets wacky, but technically,

that's all good. I know one of my best friends, his dad and his brother moved to Miami with, like, you know, they just picked up, like, nothing in their pockets, like, moved in, his, his, his dad and his brother moved to Miami with like, you know, they just picked up like nothing in their pockets, like moved in like the first day,

like met these two sisters and they were like, yeah, we're just like trying to make it in Miami. And they like loved their story and they just, they all fell in love and got married. So there's just two brothers, met two sisters. And that's what this is,

right? Yeah. I guess it's brother, sister, and that instead of sister, sister, you know what I mean? Yeah.

This was like the sex crossover, gender crossover, but that's not incest. What's the weirdest thing someone has bragged about? A buddy in high school who bragged they took such big shits every time it hurt. The fact that you had that on deck is really funny. Dude, as soon as- Because you guys, your whole lives are like, that's so fucking weird you brag about that, dude. As soon as he asked it, I was like, oh, I know it. I got mine. Like, dude, every soon as he asked it, I was like, oh. I know, I got mine.

Every time I shit, it hurts. That's it. I don't have another one. That's a walk-off right there. I think if you're still bragging about high school sports or anything too deep in the past,

that gets a little, like, but like yeah it's gonna be hard press to find something better than that take big poops is that even a good thing in pain that's what I mean like it's a mess this whole thing is bad every time I heard take a shit it hurts and like I'm clogged so many toys like so I like not only not only does it are you in pain you have chores yeah and he's take and he's like fuck it imagine every time you take a shit they're like all right like it's just but he's saying he's saying this with like a oh yeah yeah i guess that's like i'm a man yeah he's doing it yeah yeah i've been this so long i overflow toilets great man awesome imagine that imagine you i feel like, dude, there was

a time, honestly, it might have been when we were here, where I got up in the middle of the night and I took a piss, and it just sounded like it was getting full. Maybe this was even a dream. I've been having nightmares since I got here. So I was like, that would be an anxiety nightmare. Overflowing, overflowing toilet.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm just going to really quickly Google that, because you know sometimes it's like, if you lose your teeth in your dream it means xyz yeah i'm just gonna see if there's something for overflowing had a dream play the next one last one fights nick jackie everyone um sitting here working from home and watching uh watching i mean there's actually guys are a whistle pick like the fact that i did not think this was gonna work like dream of overflowing the toilet meaning and interpretation go ahead um hang on let's see

meaning of dream overflowing toilet water signs of poor metabolic function and poor physical condition um what does a dream of flooding the toilet mean the meaning of dream of the dream fortune telling that someone think over something overflows from the toilet depends on the situation uh it is said that the dream of flooding the toilet is not a very good dream this is written by like someone from ak yeah this is like broken english but um uh there's an unstable someone who knows what dreams mean yeah yeah yeah uh there are two meanings one is that it represents a decline in metabolic function function of poor physical condition another is the unstable mental aspect you can think of the toilet toilet bowl as your mental device the fact that the

toilet bowl overflows with water means you have enough stress and trouble to overflow the toilet bowl yeah for some reason you are currently in a state of spirituality it may be necessary to take an opportunity to review the current situation and stabilize your mental state it also just might mean that you have stomach and intestinal issues um but that i mean all of that you haven't you got bad stomach you got a ton of stress literally you're flowing the bowl literally dreams mean shit man dreams dreams literally all of that it's so funny that like i would think that like there's i was googling that as a joke but when you that was so genuine

that was up there with I got the worst fucking noise. Fuck my damn life. My damn life. Like when people say, when we do ATI, what's your autobiography, what should it be called? Fuck my damn life. Goddamn. I love it. Fuck.

Goddamn. But like, yeah, it's funny. Like there's, there's been billions of people on the planet they've all been dreaming every night of course there's gonna be somebody who pisses like overflow the bowl there's a ton of you guys out there overflow overflow pissing dreamers unite dude you're not alone this guy's starting to press now let's get to fucking uh this this guy north of the wall here no who's the, what's his name? Chad Johnson?

No, Chris Johnson. Who's that? I don't know. He's like a Nazi. What's his name? Yeah, now I know who you're talking about. Yeah, right? I think it's like Charles Johnson or something like that.

Yeah, let's do it. He seems like a nice guy, though. I don't think he's- He's not a Nazi. I don't think. I don't know if the other one is either. I don't think I can say that. Allegedly.

I gotta pee. I'm home and watching one of the episodes where you guys are at Whistlepig and saw the guy call in and ask about the sweater shaver and the inventions you would wish you would have had earlier in your life and whatnot, but it got me thinking of a different question.

So you know in Christmas Story, a kid sticks his tongue to a pole and obviously it gets stuck. Well, fifth grade Jack thought that would be a great idea to see if that was real. Went out after church, Super Bowl Sunday, no less. Go out, stick my tongue to my basketball pole, my rusty ass basketball pole outside. Think of this. This doesn't really work work it's just a movie well sure enough science is in fact real it gets stuck i panic rip my tongue off and just the entire tip of my tongue bloody disgusting uh

hurts like hell for like three weeks it was terrible so my question now is what is the dumbest thing you have thought either wouldn't work or wasn't real that you tried and found out the hard way was real kfc if it's when you tried to put the sweater shave around your tongue when you were a kid go for it but just want to get your thoughts on that thanks guys by the way some of these questions are so good sometimes it's almost like a disservice that we just do them on the fly like that'd be like if i sat down and like wrote a blog and like thought that out there's probably so many good ones that was thing we did you thought wouldn't work yeah like you didn't expect like yeah that's not gonna really happen uh i got um

put uh hot oil under water like flaming oil and they're like grease fire grease fire uh you put water on it just explodes definitely shouldn't use water no, it's a real one. I believed them when they said that one. Yeah, no, I didn't. That was one. Obviously, I grew up in fucking the north. Of course I've licked the pole before I got my tongue stuck to it. Have you? What am I, an idiot? I've never done that.

Yeah, ski pole, ski lift. Didn't get super stuck, but got stuck enough that I had to pull it off and bled. Oh! It wasn't like fucked in. Did it leave skin behind? No, it wasn't. I knew what was going to happen. It was like the first time you eat a butt.

Somehow I think that's worse. Somehow I think that makes it... Yeah, it's way worse. It's like the tip of your tongue is like a little piece of the butt. Like a single spoke. Oh my god. The, uh... The, uh... Like, I'd be like,

oh, you know what I mean? Nobody even likes that. Feels like you're just poking me. Because even that much of your tongue is just dry probably that's wet um the uh those are the two i got it was yeah there was a cranmore i was a kid just like hey let's put your tongue on the thing i was like all right um i mean i i can see myself saying charcoal makes you puke interesting i have eaten charcoal i didn't i didn't i didn't puke though like don't you eat the kind you're supposed to i thought that was to be a breathalyzer no because one time i

just downed charcoal pills right yeah i just chomped i mean i had a black mouth oh yeah you told me about that yeah we were doing that for fun, to be honest. I wasn't driving. I didn't need to beat Brother Liza. I was just like, I'll do it, too. There was a guy in the car who was trying to beat it. I can just picture myself saying, like, well, they were right. I shouldn't have done that, but I don't know.

I say it every day. I've overwhelmed myself. I've flooded the market with bad ideas. This one is kind of lame, but I remember they say to get, when you're changing a kid's diaper, get the diaper ready first because they might start to pee. That's not how I did it. I would clean them up first, bag off the other diaper, and then get a diaper. The first time Keegan started pissing everywhere, I was like,

should have had the diaper ready. It's not a very glamorous one but i was just like you guys were right that tip was logically correct i could see why that was the right way to do it didn't do it and paid the price for it we'll think about that one though tweet at us and we'll get it going on social media the best thing the the thing that you thought was you know how do you word it thing that you thought you thought wasn't true the almost thing you thought wasn't true it The dumbest thing you thought wasn't true. It's a good one.

And we're going to do our interviews today. Who do we got? Carly and then Craig. Carly Aquilino's on the show. One of the funniest chicks out there. Friend of the program

at this point. She just rolls through and chops it up. As always, she's great. Let's talk to Carly. Well, I watch the podcast, so I think that might be it do you really yeah sometimes i do pop it on just my babies yeah but i'll click on one of your stories and

it was posted like seven seconds ago i'm like that's humiliating i want to delete my account no i think that's one of those things though i think it happens to so many people now that everyone is like look it just happens sometimes yeah it's like this person's obsessed with me at the same time no i i think that you're uh you're a full-blown fashion icon and um thank you yeah like you know the runways of paris are next for you because i i mean first of all the dky i think is unbelievable i don't even understand what's going on you're neither. You're like a fucking, you're like a billboard for DK, Donna Karan? What's happening? I know.

It's so weird. How did it happen? Because I'm short, like I'm old. Like, I don't know why they picked me in the first place, but I'm flattered by it. Yeah. I mean, it's very cool. It's like a full partnership, right? They're tagged and everything.

And then I also think those TikToks that went viral, however, it was like, I i don't know a few months ago where you were judging like 2000s fashion right i mean you are like the voice on on female fashion i just like that that was unbelievable into that like genre yeah no but it worked so well of it yeah but you you have the uncanny ability to like if you just look at something and laugh it's a funny video like the Like the voice, the accent and the laugh. Like it doesn't even matter. You're funny on top of it, but you don't even need to worry about that. Those videos, those pictures are terrifying. Oh, and it's coming back.

Well, that's the thing. Like not only is it coming back, but I say this all the time. Every picture I look at from five years, 10 years, 15 years ago, I'm like, this is horrible. So that means right now we're dressing like assholes. Oh, always. It's like a cycle of every five years, 10 years, 15 years ago. I'm like, this is horrible. So that means right now, we're dressing like assholes. Oh, always. It's like a cycle of every five years. Because you think you look so good and then you look back and you're like, oh my god,

everything was a nightmare. At all times, we're dressing and looking like assholes. We just don't know it yet. That's a scary thought. It's a mind fuck. I used to wear those shirts not not that long ago like five six years ago i wore those shirts that like every girl wore where it was like the shoulders were had spikes on them and i'm like i saw a picture of that i'm like oh my god like i'm getting this fit i really thought

it was like this is high fashion like i'm an icon and then. And then the 2000s might have been special though because as crazy as it probably is at all times, when it was just tank tops on top of tank tops for girls and big belts and shit, it literally looked like a girl goes in her mom's closet, like a little girl in a play dress up. And that was what you guys were like rolling to the club in. Right.

Four polo shirts going to the club looking so looking so bad i mean you guys weren't any better though like your pants started like mid-thigh yeah like i remember guys pants falling down all the time in school during that time because they would like have a belt but it wasn't there they weren't up at all no and you're walking like your legs are kind of like held together by the bell cheeks but it was all a commitment and the shirt was like a dress speaking of shirt dresses did you ever do like a basketball jersey dress yeah i still do that which is like not i probably should stop but i still do like a basketball jersey keep going and i will fucking end up marrying you when i see a girl in a jersey dress i am like oh my oh, my God. Give me a ring.

I'll propose her. Like jersey with bike shorts. Let's go. Which is like so funny. What makes you think that someone in a jersey dress? What makes you think that? Want to marry me? That's wife material, and she's interested in a guy from Westchester.

Because, well, there was a moment in wearing Westchester. That was the thing, man. I can rattle off. I'll give you names of all these girls who are wearing Sacramento Kings jerseys and Philly jerseys. Bro, I don't know why I thought of Sacramento Kings the other day. Is there a worse sports team to play for than Sacramento Kings? No, they're the worst.

They're the absolute worst. They are rock bottom. I forget about them all the time. They are non-existent. What do you mean? If you ever meet a guy who's like, I'm a professional basketball player, and you're like, oh, who? And he says the Sacramento Kings, be like, you are, goodbye. You are less important than anybody I know.

It's just like, I don't even know, what do you do with a million dollars in Sacramento? What do you do with a $17 million contract in Sacramento? What is the worst city you've ever been to? Oh, God. Because I feel like, I mean, comics go to every single city. There's so many bad ones. I feel like I've been everywhere. What's a big city that people think is, like, dope that you're like, I never want to go there again?

I don't know. You want to know what? I kind of nest everywhere I go. I'm trying to think. Like, they're really. I mean, Florida's a nightmare. Like, different parts of Florida. Like, Tampa.

We got back. Anywhere that's not by the beach. We went for a wedding. And I just can't. I can't handle the weather. I can't handle Tampa. We got back. We went for a wedding and I just can't. I can't handle the weather. I can't handle the people.

The fucking iguanas. Where were you guys? We were in Naples which is nice. It's fine. Oh I love Naples. Did you stay in that fancy hotel?

No we stayed in the hood. We went to literally we got an Airbnb. Florida's like block by block. The ghetto. In a hotel? No Airbnb.

It was like from the the inside of the house was nice but as I was pulling up because we didn't book it someone else did and I was like who the fuck did this

yeah talking like just pools filled with like grime oh god yeah they love a pond in Florida they love a fucking pond

and like cinder blocks in the fucking in the street in the fucking it's like algae there's like algae everywhere. I don't even know that happened to pools in Florida. No, because if you don't take care of it, it happens to a pool anywhere.

But like when, I know when you open up your pool in New York and it's grimy and algae filled when the first day you open it because it's been closed for the winter. In Florida, it's all fucking years. You're swimming in it. No, they don't care. And like lizards are just around. Everywhere. The wildlife other places freaks me out.

But the fact that you can just be around lizards like literal little tiny dinosaurs and iguanas too like they're all over the place they're like the

rats of Florida an 8 foot snake yeah we saw an iguana roadkill which I've never seen before just massacred that was weird it's so weird

I mean I feel like also there should be humans around if you're staying in a bad area in an Airbnb, that's a nightmare because they're like, the keys are at my neighbor's house. Like, it's never easy to just get into the house. Thank God the inside looked nice because as I was walking in, I was expecting like a full blown trap house.

Right. But it was weird. Don't get me wrong. The decor and everything was fucking. Naples is so random. There was a. I can't believe you guys went there. That's wild.

The wedding was at like some country club or a golf course or whatever. That was like amazing. And I was like, how is this only minutes away from this? There's a club over there that's like one of those clubs that every comic talks about. Because it's like the old one was so bad. But it's like there's a fish restaurant. And there's a shark head protruding out of the wall like halfway onto the stage so you have to kind of like walk around the shark and there's like a fishnet with crabs climbing

up it like fake crabs that's like one of those weekends that i remember the last location too had like an open kitchen so they would just be like making smoothies while you're on stage it's one of those things you're like should have went to college You know When I see that like I mean is it just about Like there's people in that market willing to pay For tickets is that why you go to these places Yeah because there's nothing else really around there So like the clubs will like people will go So it's just one of those things

You know you guys are like on the road and you're like We're in fucking Idaho this weekend I'm like why But I guess if you know cash rules right Yeah you gotta do what you gotta do But I also feel like you could probably stop Going to those places but I feel if you know cash rules right yeah you gotta do what you gotta do but i also feel like you could probably stop going to those places but i feel like you all just keep going because you can't stop yeah you're all sick in the head yeah true you're all fucked you're all fucked

you're all the sickest people i know is stand-up comics right i don't like to do anything period and you guys are con no you're not because you're up like nine nights a week 20 times a day on stage. It's like just stop. But still, when I'm like not working, I'm just like chilling watching TV. Watching so much TV that it's embarrassing. What's the trashiest TV you watch? I love all the dating reality shows.

I want to go on one so bad. Go on Love is Blind, please. I would love that. I want to be on that show so bad. With the accent too. It would be so perfect. I don't understand why people want to be on that show so bad. With the accent, too. I don't understand why people want to be on reality TV. Why? It doesn't make sense to me.

No, it's not reality TV. It's a dating show where they find love. By the way, I don't know if it's necessarily. You're going to find your soulmate. That's why, John. I don't know if it's. I know you're already famous. I get why someone's doing a trailer for it.

No, it's not about that. It's about love. It's about love. Here's what it's about. Number one, love. Second of all, I feel like it's about love it's about love here's what it's about number one love second of all i feel like it's about the experiment of the whole thing because they can't see each other oh yeah that every guy would like leave the room before i even like after i said one thing this one was special this last one that indian guy shakes people fucking do you know that

i've been trolling him on instagram like just outwardly? Like I've been, I've never done this before but I like comment on all of his things. I'm like, you suck. I'm like, you're the worst. With your account

or with my account? It's the only time I've ever done that. I was just like, I hate him so much. He was like, so would I be able to pick you up over my head?

Right. She's not a fucking dumbbell dude. The whole thing is like you're not supposed to see each other i don't know if you've seen it yeah but um he was like you're not supposed to ask what people look like and he was like so do you like to work out like do you go to the gym could i that's a fair question i think he's keeping it real he was keeping it real but that's such

like you have to kind of figure out if the person here You can find out in other ways. You can find out in other ways, I feel like. I love Love is Blind. Both seasons, they're like, at the end of the season, they pose a question. Like, to find out, is love really blind? I'm like, clearly not. Look at what happens every time. The day that we will find out if love is blind is the day that they lift up that fucking wall and someone's 300 pounds. Right.

When there's a fucking only have huge fat people when there's when there's a fat person and someone has to go like has to keep a poker face when it opens up and they go oh good that's when we'll find out how real and then when they meet they like realize they're so crazy like that guy with a girl who she made him dress up like a hot dog and a piece of corn or something i was like this is horrendous like i would die openly like i'm picking a fight for no reason and it's because i'm crazy and you deal with that yeah that was her yeah run for the hills but like like what you went on a re on a netflix dating show i would lose i wouldn't even get picked you're like hang on this person

might not be mental yeah i know like no shit right fucking meant at a mental institute right they cast the show in a chili's like in the south i would love to see you on there or just how about the good old regular bachelor you would don't understand that i repel men i went to this party like a few weeks ago like during valentine's day where it was like a single like everybody brings a single friend kind of thing and my friend came up to me after i was talking to this guy and she was like did i just hear you talking to this guy about your automatic cat feeder like your cat food feeder and i was talking to him for so long about it and he literally was like i have to go move my car that was his response i was his response but i was like okay like the

worst thing in new york is like finding parking and he chose to go do that over conversing with you that is special i have to go do the worst chore in this city imaginable i repel like that's my job so an automatic cat feeder yeah they like there are a few things in life that you buy and there's a pause before you hit add to cart. You're like, am I going to make this life choice right now? Yeah. Because you're not making it. It's not just a life choice.

It's like you're choosing who you are as a person. It's a personality choice. Yes. It defines you as a person. Right. I'm going to be, there was, before I had a cat feeder, and then I just have to have an automatic cat feeder. BC and PC, yeah.

No, you're right. But also it makes sense. And I could talk about it for a long time if you guys want to hear about it. But I'll spare you. So you were big time on us for so long, not even answering our emails. Wait. No, I didn't. Yeah, that's right.

I was supposed to. Well, it's a whole fiasco. Do you want me to tell you? Yes, I do. So we were emailing back and forth. And then I pushed it to this week because there's been a lot of things like me and Jesse are going on tour. But we had to cancel literally today. Just found out we had to cancel most of the tour for good reason.

But like she's filming something. I'm taping something. So it's just one of those things. But we're still going to be in Atlanta and we're going to be at Zany's in Nashville. Dope. Yeah. What is Zany's? Zany's is. Are you guys going to Zany's? Yeah, we're doing going to be in Atlanta, and we're going to be at Zany's in Nashville. Dope. Cool. What's Zany's? Zany's is – are you guys going to Zany's?

Yeah, we're doing April 21st. Yeah, we're doing the 21st. Have you ever been there? No. Nashville is so fun. I've been to Nashville. We haven't done any – Dude, I don't know.

I think I'm going to – Nashville's got one more shot for me, but I think I'm going to start an anti-Nashville trend. Oh, well, let's do that after we go there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's just too popular. I think people get going to start an anti-Nashville trend. Oh, well, let's do that after we go there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's just too popular. I think people can actually agree with me. Well, everything, you know, Nashville was the thing, and that jumped the shark, and then it became Austin,

and now that jumped the shark. Right, Nashville's very bachelorette party vibes. And now so is Austin. It's like it's the same sort of thing. Which is fun. But that's like when you know your city has, you know, finally like made it is when it becomes like a destination. You know what it is?

When they start with the pedal bikes the pedal bars oh my god when you got pedal bars in your city it's over the people on those bikes think they're hilarious

they're like everyone's gonna see us and they're gonna think we're so cool the bar it's like a boat for a summer it's like a boat

a bike and a car at the same time the second you see one of those in your town get the fuck out yeah you gotta go I thought you were talking about like city bike type things when you have one of those that's like a boat, a bike, and a car at the same time. It's the second you see one of those in your town. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, you gotta go.

I thought you were talking about like city bike type things. When you have one of those, that's like... I filmed this woman the other day. Fucking... I think city bikes should be illegal. It was so windy. And she was stopped at a red light. And the seat was just too high for her to get her toes on the ground to like balance herself.

Oh, gosh. And the wind just blew her over. She was trying to balance at the red light. And you stood there and you videotaped her instead of just helping her. I was in the car. I went with someone on a bike. You know how I would help her? I'd be like, get off the fucking bike.

Take the subway. Get an Uber, bitch. It's too big for you. They're so dangerous, too. Tourists should not be able to just be riding bikes everywhere. I'm sorry. Have you ridden one before? No, I don't even ride a bike in a park. They're like 100 pounds.

They're like 150 pounds of metal because, you know, they got to be durable and last through the weather and shit. So it's like this giant hunk of metal that you're supposed to like. Yeah. No. I saw a guy get hit by a car. Good. But he was fine. But he got hit by cars like

his shit went flying i'm so sorry but he his shit went flying everywhere he was like not hurt so he was so I felt so bad for him It was over here It was like by the Flatiron building And I was like Oh my god

The car was like turning And I guess didn't see him And they were going A little fast And he just like His shit went everywhere I was like oh I'll help you up He's like no it's fine

I'll just leave it Like and left Like he left It's like paper work All my personal possessions. I don't need any of this. It's fine. It is so weird how we...

Because your human instinct is to pretend you're totally fine. Right. So we will be suffering from grievous bodily harm. Right. And we'll try walking it off. Oh, especially men. Are you kidding me? So strangers don't think we...

Yeah. If I trip... As if walking is going to make someone forget what we did. Yeah. It's already we do The damage is done You already look like an idiot So just let me treat your wound Also you might feel it tomorrow Get the license plate number

If I fall I will leave behind my children Just to get out of that spot Goodbye I can't handle that That embarrassment Or the worst is when you you know you like if you're about to trip just fall because they're trying to oh my god yourself up just fucking hit the ground and get back up and go oh god yeah no you gotta bounce right back up

that's the vibe you just gotta bounce up i don't care i sprained my ankle once and like walked home on it yeah because i was like i'm not really good i'm not gonna wince i saw i saw a guy hit a pole door as a push the other day like full shoulder into it kind of like hit his head a little and it was it was glorious yeah it was like i'm so happy i'm here for this it's it's fun when it's not you yes you know that's kind of how i feel about it too so um not not going on tour anymore but we'll eventually okay so ninth we're gonna be in atl 9th we're going to be in Atlanta. 10th we're going to be at Zany's in Nashville. And then we're pushing everything is going to be in the fall.

You got some big parts and shit? We got some things going on. Yeah, separately, which is like I'm doing something next month, which I wish I could talk about, but when it happens, I'll come back. And Jesse is taping something for the summer. So it's like it just can't be right. I feel like things are going well. I mean, the 9-11 thing was crazy. Oh my God, you guys were there.

Oh, oh, oh. You don't remember 9-11? The one thing that's not supposed to do. Never forget. Like there were these planes and these buildings, dude. You better buckle up. Why is that date significant? Wait, you guys went, right?

Yeah, yeah. I mean, to be on that lineup must have been fucking... It was so cool. I actually think I would have said no if I were you. I would be like, I can't fucking do this. Are you kidding me? I said yes and then had anxiety for three months straight. I was losing my mind.

I couldn't sleep. You couldn't tell at all. The night before that show, I caulked my bathtub at 4 a.m. I was just like, I'm never sleeping. I'm never going to sleep. And I was like, I have to be busy. So I took all the caulk out of my bathtub. And I was so paranoid that I was wearing sunglasses.

Because I was like, there's going to be some debris that hits me in the eye. So I was wearing sunglasses, caulking my bathtub. And I just kept thinking, if somebody breaks into my house right now now and I'm sitting here with a butter knife and sunglasses on in my bathtub, they're going to think I'm a wimp. They're going to leave. That's in medical textbooks. If someone's doing this, they might have an anxiety issue. I was so – that was, like, the biggest – Symptom one.

You're re-caulking your fucking tub. Yeah. Imagine if you got hurt or something it didn't imagine if you had to pass on that fucking i know that set because you were caulking your i was so nervous too like because i was going first so i was like the odds of this not going well are pretty high but it ended up going fine because like going first on something like that is a nightmare people are still filtering in you know how it is it's just like you're doing like the garden but it's like people are walking in and sitting down

and still getting food and beers and shit. Yeah. But I mean, that lineup is. It was wild. The after party was crazy. I'm sure. What happened? Anything?

I mean, Chappelle was wasted that night. So I'm sure the party was. Yeah, the party was fun. I mean, he was a bomb. Yeah, there was like. Jon Stewart tried to get on the stage like three seconds. Yeah, that was very funny trying to wrap that up trying to wrap it up i like left at like i got off stage and cried like i was so

overwhelmed by that yeah yeah um but yeah the after party was fun it was just like so many people you like know every i mean i feel like you guys all know each other a lot but when it's different generations and different types of comics and then you guys all know each other a lot but when it's different generations and different types of comics and then you're all supposed to like party together it's gotta is it ever awkward or no it wasn't weird at all it was fun yeah it was at lore have you have you guys ever been to lore i have never been anywhere i love lore it's like being in the titanic like it's like you feel like you're in a boat it's so cool they have like those windows the circle windows yeah so it feels very like titanic vibes which is i don't know anywhere or anything i don't know if you you could tell me don't go out like in the city no where do you go out i don't go out right

i've never like i couldn't tell you like the hot restaurant or the hot club or anything i have no idea i'm still going to like i'm like a, is Sound Factory still open? Do you remember that? Are you around for Sound Factory and Exit? Oh my God. How old are you? Exit. I'm 31.

Yeah. No, maybe I guess a little before your time, but like Sound Factory and Exit were the clubs we went to in high school. Exit.

Oh my God. It sounds like that. It was so bad. Back when like you still had to wear, like there was that time where you had to, I guess like the 2000s

where you had to wear like club like pants. Like you couldn't wear like, you know what I mean? So I had to, I guess like the 2000s, where you had to wear like club like pants. Like you couldn't wear like, you know what I mean? So I had to go buy like black, like swishy pants almost. They were like,

you can't come in here unless you dress like you work in a restaurant. So when we would go to like clubs for like our prom after party, we had to go like shopping for club clothes

that I never fucking wore. It felt ridiculous. The worst thing too was was when guys wore dress shoes with those disgusting jeans that were brown wash. They were denim jeans, but they looked dirty. Yeah. It was so weird. It looked like oil stains or something.

By the way, people in the Midwest still dress like that. Oh, absolutely. It hasn't hit them yet. Yeah, yeah. It's going in a wave. Oh, my God. Those are so embarrassing. But chicks used to dress like you had – you guys dressed like – it's almost like girls

would – at least when I was at FSU, girls would go to the club like they were going to a business hoes and CEOs party. Right. But that's just how they dress. Oh, yeah. It was business casual for everyone at the club yeah for sure it was like the girls wore like the little vest

and like the dress pants it's so weird and I mean that was for me it was like a junior prom so I'm like 17 years old going to this club we get in a limo we go down to a club where some promoter is raping us for like it's you know like $400 to get in and Io we go down to a club where some promoter is raping us for like it's uh you

know like 400 to get in and then okay here you go and then it's like just i mean that was back when like clubs were just house music and real ecstasy not even molly like straight up ecstasy did you used to go to um pasha i that was like the thing i did but yeah that was that was another one yeah which is like so silly oh my god so silly We also went to a place called Palladium in Westchester In New Rochelle that was like a true Teen night at the club And then there was a shooting there

We can't go there anymore Teen night was so dangerous Because like 35 year olds would go It's like wait a minute there should be a limit To who gets in You can get in at 18 but you can't get in at like 25 yeah like these are for the children right it's for teens it's called teen night that is so gross no it was atrocious my mom was so like against me going to good reason i'm sure you

thought she was like an asshole but like yeah when you look back on it well like for the creeps of the world to just know that this night there'll be 15 year old girls there. Yeah. That's fucked. She let me go once and she, it was so bad. She was like,

there was like a huge line around the thing. The best part is getting like dropped off. She stood in line with me. Do you understand? I was like, mom,

no, it's fine. Like it's, it's a line. It's okay. And she was like, no, I'm just going to wait.

I'll just stand here with you. I'm like, oh my my god you're ruining my life like at the time it ruins your life that was like yeah like as a kid you like asked to get dropped off 10 blocks away yeah like my mom's standing in line with me at the club and then she asked the bouncer when i was going in the door she was like um can you hold her purse in case she like so she doesn't lose it and the guy was like what? Like why would I hold your daughter's purse

all night? And then did she pick you up too? She waited in the parking lot. She was like come back out in an hour and a half. And then you get in there and you just like hoe it up for a little bit like grinding with some like eighth grade boy i went with like it was like they were having you know when they would have like celebrity night at the club and it was you remember that show growing up gaudy it was like the gaudy boys they were like making an appearance and i was of course obsessed right and they yeah they signed a dollar bill and gave it to me

that was the you didn't give them the dollar bill they had that that was like their thing they gave me a dollar bill

signed glorious this was like honestly I would go back to that yeah like sign me

I remember being like in in palladium doing like the fuck oh with the glow sticks? Stop.

No, I can't picture it. I can't picture it. So bad. No, I would die. So bad. You hold the glow sticks off. Bro, you did that? Right, they go like this.

Yeah. Oh, my God. That is so bad. I mean, yes, there were definitely times where I – It was like what you do, what you did. Yeah, that was the thing. There were chicks, I remember, as soon as they got in where I – it was like what you do, what you did. Yeah, that was the thing. There were chicks. I remember as soon as they got in, probably like their mom waiting outside the club, they got in, immediately yanked their thong off.

Oh, yeah, you changed. Take the jacket off, and I was like, well, whatever, man. Yeah, wardrobe change. Get the shit out. Give me the glow sticks right now, man. We had a bar in Providence called Bar One, and it was – I mean, you could walk in with a Big Mac receipt that said, I'm 18. Right. And we would turn it into a strip club.

Girls would get on the bar and strip. And we would like. Dollar bills. Like underage. We were like 15. Stop. So like 15-year-old girls would get on the bar and strip. And we'd like stuff money in their

pockets. And like some fucking bar owner. You would put money in their pockets. They're like the fucking panel. Yeah.

Like you'd think that there was some owner who was an adult being like okay. Right because he probably made a fortune honestly

like letting kids in and whatever. The police would come in. They were on the take. The police would come in and they

just walked to the back and then walk to the back And then walk out the front And they did their I'm sure they were taking money On the local cash Yeah Yeah

They were taking your cash From the fucking trip Yeah What was the most trouble You've ever been in as a kid? Were you a bad kid? I was I was bad in school

Like I didn't want to go to school And I would just like Cut school all the time So I think the most trouble I ever got into To just not go to school and I would just cut school all the time. So I think the most trouble I ever got into... To just not go to school when you're a kid, that's bad. For like a year, I didn't go on Fridays. My mom would drop me off

and I would just walk away from the school. I would just... She would be pretending she was watching me go in and as soon as she would pull away, I would just turn. And go smoke cigs and just hang out? Yeah, there's always a corner by the school that the dirtbags

come out at and smoke Newports. We had to go literally across the street because it wasn't on school grounds. So they would just cross the street

and rip Newports and then come back. Some of the teachers who were dirtbags and smoked would do the same thing with the kids. It was disgusting. It's so gross.

You're smoking with children. You're smoking a pack a day as you're 15. But so the school, you wouldn't like get in trouble enough? I ended up getting caught. Like I think what happens is when your friends start driving, it's done. Like that's it. Cut it out.

That's it. So when that started happening, like I was going to like a trade school. I was going to beauty school while I was in high school. So my whole thing was like a fiasco. Like they were just like please graduate and i ended up getting caught like a couple weeks before the end of my senior year and they were like you're not going to graduate unless you send in like 47 like absent notes from every friday this year or whatever it was like it was like ridiculous and my mom printed out the same thing. Yeah. A million times.

And just signed it. Because she was like, I'll not teach you a lesson. We got to graduate. Yeah. So that was like, I got in trouble a lot for cutting school. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Just not, sure enough, not going would be like, oh, these people are bad.

Yeah. I definitely never like cut school because I was too scared. Yeah. So what would you do? I like fake sick and stuff like that with my parents, but I never just didn't go. If you went to school, you went to school. Yeah. I didn't think I was going to class here and there

to go get food. Would your parents let you stay home if you asked? Oh, yeah. Polly was like, whatever, dude. Wow, that's amazing. She was big on the mental health. Wow, I love that. She's like, hey, do you have mental health? My mom would send me to school with 120 fever from my eyes. big on like the mental health. Wow, I love that. She's like, yeah, do you have mental health? That's all that.

My mom would send me to school with 120 fever like from my eyes. She would not. She wasn't like, she would write me notes to like get out of school, but she also didn't do doctor stuff. So like it wasn't, if I was lying about being sick, that was fine. But like if you were actually sick, she like i've said i i took i broke two bones and it took a combined

four weeks for her to get me to the hospital it was not the emergency room at that point it was an emergency four weeks ago one of them one of them i broke three knuckles and i was taking a test in a Scantron. I couldn't close my hand, so I was holding the pencil like this, trying to fill it out, and the doctor was like, I mean, the teacher was like, you need to go to the doctor. Like, what are you talking about? You can't close your hand. I was like, it's fine.

It happened two weeks ago. They're like, there's even more reason to go to the fucking doctor. Right. And then they brought me. My mom didn't bring me. They brought me. That's so funny. The teachers brought you to the hospital.

It was fucking amazing. It was in high school. It was a boarding school. So the teachers didn't think anything of it. It wasn't weird for them. Once people started driving, that was the best. Oh, that's it. The first year of licenses and cars was awesome. When it was like, you want

to just drive around. And again, now that i have kids i think about it i'm like this is all such a bad idea yeah i mean we would go you ever seen a 16 year old on the road no forget it's insane what the fuck is that kid doing driving a car and we were drinking and driving at 16 it's like insanity smoking and driving drinking and driving we would go to a place my one friend uh my one friend got his license uh like early he was like a grade back or whatever so he was like 30 and we would like go somewhere like to someone's house or basement like during school for like the lunch period

and we would all drink and he was driving so he would wait till like the end and he would like chug like a water bottle of vodka and then be like by the the time the buzz hits me, we'll be back at school. So he'd be like driving back to school being like, all right, I'm still sober. I'm still sober. Like park the car. Now I'm drunk. It's so crazy. It's like, what the fuck are we doing?

No, nobody should. I don't drive. I haven't driven since I was a teen. I got my license and I was like, I'm done. I could see you being a nightmare behind the wheel. Oh, the worst. I drove for two months and totaled a car and I was like I should have never Gotten my license You have not driven since then

No Truly I've never driven Not driven I've never driven Not even once Or you sound like You don't consistently drive

I don't think I've ever driven If I needed you right now To be like Can you pick me up I could probably Get you somewhere Yeah But

You don't drive There's a risk It's a risk Yeah And I'm like This close Oh sure I could see

Yeah I always thought it was so cool When people would drive with one leg up on the seat. So dangerous, but it just looked cool. That's like a girl's going to fight you. Yeah. A girl drives with a leg up? Yeah. That girl will-

She will fuck you and fight you. At the same time. With your life. Yeah, the same fucking time. You picture the chick who sits like that, and you're like, oh, you are a night- Yeah, we had a bunch of girls with a leg up, cigarette, couple piercings. No hands on the wheel. At any given time, when they're in a car, driving is the third thing they're focused on.

That's bad. That's bad. The way you look, the music, the leg being up, the cigarette. Oh my God. That's so funny. the music the leg being up the cigarette yeah my god i we also the town i grew up and had like a decent amount of wealthy kids who would have like nice cars yeah so you would if you saw like the white bmw with like the tinted mirrors going by you knew that what girl was driving that and you knew this guy had this car and that car and it was like and i'm driving around my fucking corolla

like yeah you got a corolla you got a camry yeah i mean i was like so happy like a 20 year old one like that's absolutely people who bought their kids like brand new mercedes when they were 15 i'm pretty sure i'm pretty sure a girl in my school had like the first ever x5 the bmw like uh truck like yeah it was like i mean that that was like 20 fucking five years ago at this point she had one in white and i was like is this does this car even like exist so sick yeah yeah this is like yeah for real yeah there was there was uh there was some cars floating around there that i was like now again looking back on it like how did you give a child yeah this fucking yeah luxury vehicle it's crazy right i'm gonna be the worst

with my kids they're not doing any of this shit yeah i'm like i know all this shit like you're i mean get out of here it's so funny because our parents used to be like i was young once too and we're like shut up and it's like i know i'm gonna sound that way like no you weren't but i'm saying that to like people who are young now i'm like oh please you know like teenagers yeah yeah i mean i'm fully already though in my day whether it's music or parties going out it's hard it's just changed so much it's worse it's worse it's worse it's so much worse it is uh i mean like thinking about looking at kanye where it's like the old kanye and the new kanye is like that's real like to me that's new Kanye is like that's real to

me that's like an actual thing that's not like I don't think of it as me being old but it was better that's why I think everything is that way too yeah but I guess I just sound like an old person yeah that's how it goes that's how I'd rather I'd rather be that though close where it's like 15 years and you're gonna be like we like that music but I'd rather be that my life where I like the machine gun Cali that might not age well you rather be that than... There was a phase in my life where I liked Machine Gun Kelly. That might not age well. You're right. That might not age well.

There might be a time where I'm like, I really like that album. I was like, I rocked out the tickets to my downfall. I mean, I do. I did. I like it. It's good. I mean, that's the kind of music I like. And he came into my world. And that's just something I have to live with now. And you embraced it. And now I mean, that's the kind of music I like. And, uh, yeah, he came into my world and,

and, uh, and that's just, and you embraced it. And now that's, yeah, that's part of your brand. Whether you like it or not. Yeah.

Machine gun Kelly. Life comes with you fast, man. Are you doing any more acting and stuff? Um, not right now. I think maybe in a little bit. Yeah.

Yeah. Just kind of wait for that to, yeah. Beginning of next year. I feel like trying that. I'd rather if I, if i was in a position to do that i would almost like i'd rather pick and choose little spots than like go on yeah i mean it's so hard to get like to get anything too so it's just like half the time i know i want to be on a reality show so bad i just yeah do love is blind season three i want like you'd be perfect. I want Love is Blind, but everyone. Because the voice and everything is what they, like they want people like that.

Yeah. Oh. Somebody said that. You'll meet up with some fucking New York, you know, goon too. It'll be great. Sanitation worker. Yes. That's what I am looking for.

Could you imagine if you had like the, because there's always like one couple that comes out of that, that people love. Right. And they stay together. And if it was, you know, Carly and Rocco. Right. The fucking sanitation worker. That's my nephew's name.

Yeah. You could live happily ever after on Staten Island. It would be perfect, and everybody will love that couple. Always knew I was going to date a beautician one day. Yeah, no, legally you have to. Yeah. I love it. Yeah, that would be a match made in heaven. Yeah.

Oh, God, I love it. Someone's got to make made in heaven yeah oh god I love it someone's gotta make it happen you wanna go do a little answer the internet sure okay pop next door so you already said it

but Zany's in April Zany's April 10th we're in Atlanta April 9th you can follow me at Carly Aquilino I don't know where I'm looking but Carly Aquilino

and on TikTok I'm fashiongirl4269 oh yeah TikTok is where you've been killing I love TikTok. Fashiongirl42069. It is perfect. I mean, how many followers do you have on there now?

I think I recently just got 400,000. Yeah, you've been killing it. I rarely post on there. But when you do I feel like they're home runs. When I do I feel I gotta feel it. I have to be inspired. Are you still doing The one with your knees

What No I'm devastated I like I do something And then like Within a week I get pretty bored Harmonies was

A fucking run I DM'd him I was like I've never followed Something so fast In my life Like him Like his knees

Because I have a picture Of my knee Looking like a ninja turtle And I was like This is like Very on brand. I would walk in here, and he'd be standing on a table

with the ring light on his knees and his pants around his ankles, just dancing to fucking Taylor Swift. Who took the videos? I mean, all of these guys. There were guys laying down. I was like, oh, just another day here. It's weird.

I don't know why I get sick of it. It took literally 10 seconds. And after a week, the idea of it was like oh i gotta do harmonies yeah right all right let's go next door okay big thanks to carly fashion icon carly aquilino yeah she's one of those girls she had a new ad the other day too i forget what it was yeah i saw that it was uh i was ghost kitchen stuff i look yeah but she's got a lot of the a lot of that money's popping off that girl's paid bro uh she she's like you she can put on like anything and it just like works i think for some reason uh all right craig robinson up next icon from uh the office and hot tub time machine and you didn't get you didn't get to do this interview with me i did solo but the real highlight was um like i was i was like so tell

me about time machine man like i became this cult classic and like tell me about it and we were kind of having like an in-depth discussion and then at one point very meta because they do this in the movie he was like i mean the title is hot tub time machine i said I said, do people expect it to become this thing? Or did they make it knowing it was a joke? Or were they thinking, I think we might have something here. And he goes, the title is Hot Tub Time Machine. I was like, you're right. You're right.

He said he came up with that name or something to the effect. He had a moment where he decided when he looks at the camera, and he goes, this must be like a hot tub time machine. And that was his idea. So there's some cool behind-the-scenes shit with him. Craig Robinson on KC Radio. Talk to him. What's the word, dude?

You know what it is. Yeah? You doing well? Barstools. Let's go. How you feeling? Feeling good? Yeah.

Let's do it. Okay. Yeah? I saw you on camera eating. You saw me on camera eating? Awkward. I was on the recording and he'd be like, hey, that's you. I didn't do it.

What's the word, man? Craig Robinson here on KFC Radio. I just think you've got to be one of the most beloved people ever. Is that true? I would. I received that. I don't know if it's true, but I'll take it for sure. I can't imagine anybody out there who's like, fuck Craig Robinson.

You've got a lot of enemies. There's some out there without a doubt. I can't imagine how or why. Get rid of them. Get rid of them. I do feel like you've been in fucking everything, man. I mean, every funny thing, you're a part of making it that much funnier. Obviously, you're a very talented guy, but is it also friends in the business?

Do people want to be around you? Do people love to work with you? I mean, that resume is about as good as it gets. I think you go in and you do your best, show up on time, the basics. Be kind to people. It's easy, right? It's easy. But you know what?

It doesn't seem like it is because it seems like there's a lot of people who don't behave that way. At least some of the horror stories you hear. People are divas and people mistreating crew and cast and all that kind of shit. No, no. There's no time for that. My mother's Floor Robinson and my father's Jack Robinson, and they wouldn't have any of that had I got out there and acted up.

You're Chicago boys, right? Yes, sir. Chicago family? Yeah, so they were not allowing that? No, no. How many siblings you got? You got a big family? Older sister, younger brother.

Then, like, my father had two kids before he married my mother, so then an older brother and an older sister. All right, so big family? Pretty much. You the funny one? You know, I'm not the funniest one. Really? Who's the funniest one?

Everybody's funny. My mom, rest in peace, mama love you. She was the funniest. And then my brother's really funny. My father's more of a ham, so I got the mixture. Got the best of both? Yeah, yeah. All right. All right, that's good, man. So the new of a ham, so I got the mixture. Got the best of both? Yeah, yeah. All right.

All right, that's good, man. So the new gig, Killing It on Peacock. Yes, sir. Tell me about that because- This is a show. It comes out Thursday, April 14th on Peacock. You got to, I guess, get Peacock subscribed or what have you. Yeah, I play a security guard turned python hunter.

Now, who the fuck comes up with that one? I know you're working with the Brooklyn Nine-Nine guys again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those guys, man. Dan Gore. A security guard turned python hunter. But in the meantime, I'm looking at, you know, it's about the American dream. It's about, you know, figuring out your way in this life.

But some bad things happen. I lose my apartment. My car burns up. And I'm a divorced dad. And I lose my job because, well, you have to watch it. But I get an opportunity to hunt pythons for cash for a big prize. And I was like, oh, that's $20,000. If he wins, no, if he's got to win the python contest in Florida.

Here's the thing. Okay, so you hunt pythons and if you get the biggest one? No, no, no. You got to collect the most. Oh, my God. So in Florida, this is a real thing. They overrun with the pythons because nothing eats them, but they eat everything. And so they pay people to kill them and collect them.

So this is what that's based off of. Wow. Did you do any shit with real snakes? Yeah, yeah. There were some real snakes. And the American Humane Society was there every time. But you had real snakes, fake snakes, and CGI. When I saw the CGI, I was blown away.

I was like, oh, we're doing something here. What were you doing? I mean, I'll tell you this right now. If I had my dream job and my dream paycheck and they told me i'd have to have like pythons crawling around me and i'd be like i'm out yeah really go get the next guy i'm not with snakes check it out did you i went to australia with uh my band about six years ago we went to uh uh animal sanctuary okay and um you know, we met cockatoos, sang to cockatoos. They were jamming and dancing.

If you get a chance, sing to a cockatoo. It's going to dance. It's going to blow your mind. Really? That throat pops up. I don't know if that's ever going to happen. I don't think I'll get that chance, but that's a good thing to know. I held a koala bear.

It's like holding a strong baby. And then got to the snakes, man. And I was going to take a picture looking like I was scared of the snake. Yeah. And I was barely going to touch it. But then I did touch it, and it felt amazing. And they convinced me, put the snake around my neck. Check this out.

We've been lied to. That snake meant me no harm. The snake, we've been lied to by the Bible and Indiana Jones. All right. I put it around my neck, and then I put another one around my neck. It was awesome. Yeah, okay. You're probably right. Most of the time, snakes are not looking to fuck with anybody.

But they could cause you harm if they wanted to. Oh. And I'm not trying to fuck with that. You know. Like, I read a story about this woman who had a snake. And she said it wasn't eating. She was, you know, feeding it mice or whatever. For days and days it wasn't eating. And she went to, like, the vet or whoever, animal sanctuary or whatever.

And they were like, how long has it been? She said a few days. And she said, you're lucky you came in now because it's growing space in its stomach to eat you. Whoa. And I was like, I heard that story and then she this was her pet and she played you know i played with it but petted it and lived it and it's mentally getting prepared getting ready to room i love it not for me snakes and spiders bro i'm out we're can you curse on here you said whatever you want we're not here to fuck spiders what's

up to the aussies i learned that yesterday what want. We're not here to fuck spiders. What's up to the Aussies? I learned that yesterday. What is it? We're not here to fuck spiders. That's the Australian saying. I'm sure it is. Fuck spiders. We're not here to fuck spiders. I love it.

Dude, they got some spiders out there, too. Australia's no joke. Yeah, I wouldn't mess with spiders, but the snakes, I'm cool with now. All right. Good to know. Now, I'm not saying go to a forest or a swamp and be like, hey, snake, come and hang out. I'm talking about the ones that got handlers and stuff. So last week, we had Sam Jay and Jack Knighton from Bust Down, also on Peacock.

And on the first episode of one of the episodes of their series they had a discussion about which celebrities take the worst shits and Sam J threw your name out there dude yup she said the discussion they have on their show is which celebrity if you had to eat some celebrity shit who would it be and who would be the worst one

she said you dude I have no idea where that comes from okay thanks Sam yeah I was gonna say it's and she said you, dude. I have no idea where that comes from, but okay. Thanks, Sam. Yeah, I was going to say, it's out of nowhere, dude. She just threw it out there. All right.

All publicity, right? No such thing as bad, right? So, I mean, you're starring in this role on Killing It, right? I mean, you've done everything under the sun from bit roles to recurring roles. You've been on every TV show that, like, everybody has ever loved. Can you pinpoint a favorite project? Oh, wow. Favorites?

Let me see. Or one that, you know, changed your life the most or you have a fondest memory or... Well, you know what? When we shot uh peoples which is with uh david allen grier and carrie washington and uh we we were uh callie hawk uh kim reed davis malcolm barrett oh man s c pather merks know, it was a group of all of them. From Everybody Hates Chris, what's my man? Tyler, James, Tyler.

I can't think of his name. But that was one of the most fun times, man. We were out there in Connecticut filming in Greenwich and staying in Stanford, I think. And, you know, I think the dopest thing was we had a piano on set one day. And we were just singing harmony and they couldn't get us to stop. The next day, they turned the piano off. Really? Get back to work?

Yeah. But This Is The End was crazy. This Is The End? This Is The End. I mean, the cast is just nuts. We were there, and we were filming in New Orleans for like two or three months. Oh, that whole crew was down there in New Orleans for three months? I'm trying to tell you.

Yes. And we had one of those nights where you come out of the club and the sun is out. And you didn't know. It was one of those. I think we saw BBD that night. It was, oh, man, what a time. One day, Danny and I, we had like a couple days off. We went to, we drank Absinthe.

Jesus Christ. New Orleans, baby. Yeah, that's the time right there, dude. Was Danny, like, out of everyone on that cast, was that like your boy? Like if you were to pair up with someone, go out drinking. Yeah, we had paired up. That's a two-man wrecking crew right there. Craig Robinson and Danny McBride. Jesus.

That scene where you're singing Rihanna take your panties off take your panties off is that uh is that written is that a freestyle is that is my song like i mean i do it in my act yeah yeah they were like that's what was uh you know, when they called me in, it was like, hey, look, we want to do this movie. You play yourself. You know, we're hiding versions of ourselves. And we want you to, because that shirt I had on, the Take Your Panties Off shirt, I had it on at a party one time. It was like, we want you to wear that shirt. Yep. You know, so they just essentially had our clothes made for the movie.

So it was like you come in, and I would get out of this and get into the same album. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was awesome. And I was the first one to sign up. I was the first one to say yes to it. I might have been the first one to ask. I don't know. But still, it was awesome.

And yeah, and that taking advantage panties off was from my act. How was it working with Rihanna like that? By the way, take your panties off is, you know, yeah, it could mean physically, but it's more of a movement. Let's say you're at an audition. Let's say you're trying to get a job. You know, you need that edge. It's about that moment of consent where she lifts her stomach up.

And so it's like, imagine that. Like like take your panties off and get it done everybody can take their panties off it's not it's male female you know young old whatever everybody can take the panties off and kill it it's a movement and shout out to rihanna let me tell you something working with her she was so unbothered that's what i remember because her name was all in the tabloids. You would have thought it was another Rihanna. She was just, hey, how you doing? She was hugging everybody. She was a lovely human being.

Funny, too. That scene is absolutely a classic. That set in general, I've been lucky enough to talk to a bunch of different guys who have been in that movie. I remember talking to Jay Baruchel, and I asked him about, I was like, how fun was that set? And he said it actually used to make him, it wasn't fun for him because it was almost like everybody was so funny. Everyone was trying to one-up each other and be the funnier guy. And he almost felt like it was like a competitive vibe on the set.

Did you ever feel that or were you just having a good time? I was having a competitive vibe on the set. Did you ever feel that, or were you just having a good time? I was having a good time. I see what he means because you got Seth, who's just an improv machine, Jonah improv, Franco's improv. It was, yeah. But mine, I was just like an assassin. I get in, pew, and I got out. I just want some of the milk away, boom.

So, yeah, I see what he means but yes it's about how you approach it i i was just like i'll get in you know i know i'm gonna get in so i feel like you've always kind of been an assassin like even you know earlier on in the career before you're featuring like you're you're a bit role or a side character or a recurring character but every time you were on screen, you steal it. Like, you are the star of that scene. I appreciate that. That's what led me to this new show, Killing It. You know, working on 9-9.

And Gore, I met with Dan Gore, our manager Mark Schulman, and then Luke Della Tredici. And, you know, they were like Yo we wanna do Something around you You know And I was like Okay And they gave us

These three ideas All were great But this one Just kind of Like this This is different Let's Yeah

Let's stood out Let's try to Let's go with that Was the office You know Like the Like a turning point for you? Do you feel like that was when – because, I mean, obviously you're a comedian.

You've been doing – you know, you worked on Arrested Development. I keep saying all these shows and movies, but was The Office when things really took a turn? 1,000 percent. It was a huge, huge – it was everything to my career. Was there like an – so, you know know you signed on to do what like a couple episodes in the early seasons uh well i was yeah i was in uh the first you know what goes on the first season i got the role of daryl they did six episodes i was in the fourth and fifth i think the fourth episode just like they just established me in a warehouse right

on dwight cut himself out of a box and they just showed me like reacting warehouse and Dwight cut himself out of a box and they just showed me reacting and then the next one was the basketball episode and you get renewed and it was like, you know, I got a couple episodes so that went on for about what, I guess three or four seasons and then

I got like seven episodes out of 13 so out of 26 episodes you see me at 14. Whatever. Yeah. But just continued to grow. And then about seventh season, I was a full regular. Was that something you made an effort for to make that happen?

Zero effort. It was all that. I just, like I said, show up, the work you know try to keep that my whole thing was every i was just trying to keep the job every time yeah so uh no they they you know got got to writing and then they would tell me like hey like i remember a long time in advance they told me that uh we wrote something where you you're gonna be dating Kelly. I was like, okay, then I forgot all about it. And a year later, it was like, Darryl's dating Kelly. That's got to be an unbelievable feeling.

Yeah. When you realize that you are now like a regular on arguably, you know, the most popular sitcom of all time. It's right up there. At that time, you didn't know. It's still shocking what was happening with The Office as far as when pandemic hit and it shot to the top of the charts and people are seeing it over and over. They finish it and they start watching over again. You know, it's many different things to different people.

Yeah, it's weird. So it's like The Office, it gets popular in its own right, but then it gets to Netflix and explodes and then explodes again on pandemics. You've had like three different times where it becomes this iconic show. And without you even doing the work, you just keep getting more publicity, more fans, more attention, right? That's the dream right there. Passive fame. Just keep on growing, right?

So Killing It, we have season one now, right? And are we signed on for multiple seasons? No. We got season one now, right? And are we, are we signed on for season, multiple seasons? No. We got to get there, right? We got to, yeah.

We got people to watch. This is why we're here, right now. Right, right. That's the deal. Get people to check it out, you know,

see what happens. And, you know, I never know how to, you know, it's, I enjoy it, I love it,

and I hope people watch it, enjoy it, and even if you don't love it, watch it anyway so the the music side of your career um was that you know you you know you grew up playing music I would assume right like you're obviously very talented um was that like something that you always kind of let actors writers producers directors know like No. So they would find out and then incorporate it. That's a hot tub time machine that I don't even think my character had a job.

And then they came to see me perform and I play and whatever. And they were like, okay, so Nick's a musician. And so music is my partner. Right. I mean, it differentiates you from everybody else right it always shows up yeah

and they always you know want to do something with it and I'm so down was there ever a chance that music was going to be the main yeah yeah

when I was in college I was looking to be a you know singer yeah that was it and I still you know I have a band the Nasty Delicious

so we do our thing but the Nasty Delicious so so we do our thing. The Nasty Delicious. So it was a little late. That's your band? We got some coming, yeah. You're the front man there? Oh, for sure. That is a perfect name for your band.

Do you like tour, or is it just like... No, we tour for sure. I've got a tour bus a couple times. But, you know, it's me controlling this, my baby. So it's not like we out there, out there. We out there. People know. You can Google.

Sure. But, you know, we have no albums out. Right. It's kind of a shame, but we'll get there. Make it happen, dude. We'll get there. We'll get there. You put some music out.

One time for the culture. You don't have to put out albums. Nowadays, you just put out singles. You'll be a smash hit, dude. You're right. Put it on Spotify. You get a million streams like that, dude. People will be all over that. You are. That's what I'm saying a million streams like that, dude. People will be all over that.

That's what I'm saying. You're so beloved, man. I don't know anybody who's ever been like, oh, I like that movie, but not his character, not Craig Robinson. Literally no one has ever said that. No one's ever been like, oh, Daryl from The Office is the worst. No one. Nobody. And I know you know that's true.

No, no, no. You don't read the comments. Don't read the comments, man, bro. What are some of the bad comments? Tell me, because I don't believe they exist. I've never seen one. There's some out there. There's some.

You're crazy, man. For sure. Everybody that I know that loves that. But it's okay. It's all a painting. You've got a little red over here, a little green over there, a little blue over there. I like that. All adds up.

Things seem to be doing good. We got on the wrist there, dude. Jesus. It's a little something. Blinded my eyes over here. It's a little something, you know. Good Lord. In lieu of wearing a suit and tie to all the press.

Yeah. Let me do a little something. I like that. I appreciate it. Leave the suit and tie at home. Yeah. Put the jewelry on. Yeah.

Press them that way. I feel that, man. So when you did Hot Tub Time Machine, because that's the other. I think of like The Office, This is the End. Those are the big ones. But Hot Tub Time Machine became something like this cult classic that, I mean. No one watched Hot Tub Time Machine thinking this is going to be good. Never. Not one. Not one person. Did you do Hot Tub Time Machine thinking this is going to be good. Never.

Not one. Not one person. Did you do Hot Tub Time Machine thinking this was going to be good? People either saw it on the plane or you saw it because it was on and you couldn't find a remote or one of those situations.

And then it ends up being hysterical. People are, you know, the word of mouth starts to go around being like, dude, it's actually pretty fucking funny. And next thing you know It's like this classic That gets a sequel

And it's one of the funniest movies When you're acting on a movie like that Were you like This is stupid Or you knew it was gonna be Sneaky funny So You

We in Vancouver You got Steve Pink Director Who's you know Brilliant Like brilliant from Chicago Amazing Funny

We had Cusack We had Corddry We had Clark Duke you know, brilliant, like brilliant from Chicago, amazing, funny. We had Cusack. We had Corddry. We had Clark Duke. We had, you know, so we're doing it, and we would get into these, you know, serious discussions about the scene, and I would be like, the movie is called Hot Tub Time Machine. And then we go, okay, yeah, you're right. But, and then you know what's, here, when I, remember I looked at the camera?

Yeah. I was like, it must be some kind of Hot Tub Time Machine. I looked at the camera. I said to Steve, this is how collaborative he is. I'm like, Steve, what if I said, because Clark was supposed to say it at first. I think he even goes, am I, do I have to be the asshole who says it? And then I go, but I was like, what if I say it and look at the camera on hardcore? And he said, that's funny.

And then the next morning we were shooting that. That's clutch. Because little moments like that are what make it the classic that it is. And it made the trailer. Yeah. And, you know, seeing it with the crowd, they still laughed at them. Yeah. This must be some sort of hot tub time machine.

It must be some kind of hot tub time machine. Just look. When you first, like, you know, you audition for that or it comes across your desk or whatever, your agent comes to you and says, we got to do this. Were you like, I don't. They send it to you. You read it. And I don't. They sent it to you. You read it. And I'm reading it, and I laughed and dropped the script because it was the part where I

cussed out the little girl. Okay. That's what did it? That's what clinched it for you? It made me laugh out loud. I didn't have to go for it. Yeah, yeah. It must be some sort of hot, tough time machine.

Well, man, I mean, it's classic after classic, hit after hit for you, so I don't see a reason why killing it won't be either. I appreciate that, man, I mean, it's classic after classic, hit after hit for you, so I don't see a reason why killing it won't be either. I appreciate that, man. So we're going to try to get everybody to go watch it on Peacock. Yes, sir. If you've got a few more minutes, we're just going to go next door to shoot a video as well? Let's do it. All right, so everybody go watch.

Don't forget, eight days after killing it is April 22nd, and The Bad Guys comes out. All right, tell me about that. It's an animated movie. It's like, look, it's Tarantino for kids. Oh. Yeah. I don't know how that works, but I'm that. It's an animated movie. It's like, look, it's Tarantino for kids. Oh. Yeah. I don't know how that works, but I'm down. I'm intrigued.

All right. So The Bad Guy is on the 22nd. Killing It is on Thursday, the 14th on Peacock. Make sure you go check all of it. Craig Robinson, thank you, bro. Right on. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.