KFC Radio - Nev Schulman, Fireball Martinis, Bowls of Wine, and Spaghetti Arms

Episode Date: December 11, 2018

Nev Schulman stops by to talk about Catfish, how he basically got himself catfished again last year, and how some catfish have a heart of gold. KFC and Feits discuss Elf, Home Alone, The Meg, and random boners. Voicemails include: fireball martini, Apocalypse vs Colony, Facebook Event Invites, Spaghetti Arms, winning the reunion.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Let me say this. Are we starting on? Yeah, no, we're good. I'll say this. It's a better problem to have than the opposite. Yeah, well, I guess we should tell people what we're talking about.

We were talking about before the show started and kind of just yelled record. We're talking boners. It's KFC Radio. We are here, and I guess it's a little behind-the-scenes talk extending into regular talk. This is weird that this is just how we talk. Yeah, like anybody who ever accuses us of being not real or making things up,

we were just talking about John getting boners. I get boners all the time now, man. Good, good. It's weird. It's weird. It's like, but they're not, like I wake up, I wake up in the morning with rock hard penises like like i am all right show off i am like i'm honestly like i'm like holy shit this is i wish i like had someone in bed with me because this is amazing right here

and like one of your best bonus ever i used to get i mean there's for the people who don't know girls there's varying boners. Oh, yeah. I think girls know. Yeah. I can tell what is inside them. This is a seven. Sometimes they're good.

Sometimes they're bad. Sometimes they're in between. Boners are much like the lineup in Nintendo ice hockey. You have the fat one, the tall one, and the average one. It's like sometimes sometimes depending on the situation depending on what you're thinking about what you've eaten how tired you are how the temperature is you might have a big fat one it's i'd be like i was like going to puberty whatnot i got them all the time and i guess like i don't know what it is it's been like the last few weeks

now where it's just been like they're they're boners they're popping up like like they i don't know what it is. It's been like the last few weeks now where it's just been like they're boners. They're popping up. I don't even know how they're doing it. They're boners with minds of their own. They're out. They're out of my boxers. Oh, wow. I don't know how.

Like a tree in the middle of Detroit just like, I live here now. Just popping up through the ground. Like a rose that grew from concrete. It just breaks through. I don't even understand how it gets out. Are you wearing your Tommy Johns? I'm wearing Tommy Johns. I'm wearing briefs.

It's not always popping out, but it's popped out of briefs. You had to serpentine your way out of here. How did you do that? See, now the Tommy John has the quick draw fly, meaning you can just go in and out, up and down. It's just a vertical thing where you can pull your dick out i feel like a boner what i like about my tommy john's when i have a boner is that it is so soft and the waistband is so soft when you do the waistband tuck it's very soft against your boner like if you have some of the old boxers that have like the course like you can feel the thread lining yeah the thread that's what it is i mean you almost

walk away with your boner having like the imprint on it, you know? Yeah, you have a chapped boner. But the Tommy John, it's like I almost hope I have a boner to do the waistband flip because my Tommy John is just going to snuggle it up against my stomach. No one's going to know I got a boner. I get a – I mean, it came to light this weekend just because I was in the vineyard and I fell asleep on the couch one night. Oh, no.

Everyone saw your boner? It was just like a huge, raging boner. Did they all see it? Probably. Was it out? I mean like, I had sweatpants on.

It doesn't get all the way out, but it just, it gets past the first layer of defense, no doubt. Right. But it's weird. I'm like, what the fuck is going on right now?

Why am I so horny all the time? I guess it's like, what are you, fucking 14? Yeah, like what? Horny? I haven't been horny all the time i guess i guess it's like uh what are you fucking 14 yeah like horny i haven't been horny since like 92 i've been like ah okay yeah i wake up and i'm like i guess like like everything like every single day it like starts 10 minutes later than planning because i'm like you gotta wait till the thing goes down i don't wait i think a proactive approach oh okay i got you. That's fair. I take care of that problem.

I'm not going to sit here and wait out a boner. That takes a long time. I know a good way to get rid of it. I'll handle it. Tried and true. You know what? When I was a little kid, I used to think that the boner was cum.

I used to think your dick got hard because it was filled with cum. Makes sense. Yeah, I mean, right? It's like, you know. I don't think that's crazy. It's like you squeeze it and cum comes out.

That's how it works. Better than if it was the blood. That would be bad. That would be like that guy's head in the UFC fight the other night. Oh my God, that guy was leaking.

He was getting blood choked out of him. That was crazy. Squeezed out of him. That was like every heartbeat just more blood coming out. That was disgusting. Not disgusting.

Your Tommy John boxers that provide that stay comfortable fit. The waistband stays nice and taught. Oh, this is Tommy John Adler? Oh, yeah. The whole thing, baby.

I don't fucking know. I didn't know that. You're the best of the best. Feather light. That's a good segue. Breathable for your boner. Listen, if you get boners, Tommy John's for you.

And ladies, you can't get boners, but those thongs are comfortable. John's gonna be wearing them soon. Still waiting for it. One size fits all. One of these ad reads you guys are gonna be like, I'm actually wearing one of those thongs. You're gonna pull it out and I'm gonna puke. It's gonna get

harrowing real quick. Naughty or nice, you can get gifts this holiday season for anybody in this life who wants comfortable underwear guys girls and everywhere in between if you get boners if you don't get boners tommy john's for you tommyjohn.com slash kfc to save 20 on your order that's tommyjohn.com slash kfc i i uh i mean i haven't been getting boners i guess comparatively speaking it's uh kevin when i tell you it's harder than this mic stand

I swear to God you could hang a wet towel on it it is they are the most impressive boners I've ever had it's like a diving board yeah right you can like bend it this thing is more flexible than my morning boners I don't know what it is

I hope it doesn't change see if I were you I hope that would change I'm not trying to have those all the time oh i know like i'm all the time but i just like they're wildly inconvenient and to be honest if anything in this world i'm looking to keep my dick soft it's like it's like if you wake up though and you see yourself look in the mirror and you're like i look pretty good you kind of enter the day with a little more confidence i'm waking up these days i'm like god damn that's a dick i get confident when i have uh like a three-quarter boner that's strong. Not even three-quarters, like 60%.

When it's still pointing down, but it's a fatty, I'm like, yeah. Because I think to myself, if it's already this big, if I were to get a boner right now, it would be like nine inches. And it wouldn't be. I know where my ceiling is. I always hit just about the same. I feel like you have about, I would say, would say a one centimeter variance in your boners i've never even noticed the difference no but yeah i mean a centimeter is very small

yeah no so i'm saying like i think you can have like an extra centimeter or not you know you have a really good one you have another centimeter added on i can see that that makes sense kind of like an old lady in the rain shrink of like an old Asian lady in the rain. What? Old women shrink or grow in the rain. Sure. Why not? I feel like if you, you know, it's not like you get like another inch. A boner's a boner and you're going to hit your ceiling, but your

ceiling has a little bit of give, whereas sometimes you might break through that glass ceiling. Hit that cervix. Yeah. Oh, yeah. If you ever hit the cervix, you a girl trying to make it in the, yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. When you, if you ever hit the cervix,

you feel like, you feel like, I'm about to get in your guts. Who knows what's beyond there? Did you see the movie, The Meg? No, I wanted to watch it. So the movie,

The Meg, the premise is that, uh, the Marianas Trench, the bottom is actually not the ocean floor, but it's a layer of like nitrogen. And so they say, that's actually not the bottom of the earth. Like we could go deeper and they get they finally come up with a cruiser that can go deep enough and they bounce through the nitrogen.

And then there's like a whole other layer of ocean underneath it that they thought was a solid floor slash ceiling. But it just turned out to be a layer of gas. Anyway, I feel like that's the cervix. It's like you think that's the bottom, but you can push through, and then there's a whole new world of stuff where there's like creatures flying around with no eyes. They don't even know what light is because they haven't seen it. What? Was the Meg dope?

The Meg is so wonderfully horrible. It's astounding. Like an hour into it, I thought, well, that's like the finale. And I looked at the clock and i'm like it's only 59 minutes in this is gonna go on the double this so there are definitely parts that are like insanely the box did it there i mean it's you know it's jaws-esque it's like it's like fast and the furious meets jaws you know they're not even trying to be not even trying to be serious about it i was talking about my child you got a meg size boner bro i'm gonna i'm gonna

start calling my dick the Megalodon. The Megalobone. You going to start getting sued for false advertising? Probably. The Meg is right up your alley. You'll love it. I mean, Statham's the man. Yeah, I love Statham.

And he plays like a tortured, like, I'll never do this again because of a horrible mishap. But he basically comes out of shark hunting retirement kind of. That sounds perfect. Yeah, it's really good. It's astoundingly stupid. Like there are parts that I'm like, all right, even going into it with like I know this is going to be a dumb movie, I'm like, I mean, at one point they basically put a dinosaur-sized shark

on a leash. Like the shark is swimming as fast as he can and then he's like, like screeches to a halt because of like a rope this is perfect yeah this podcast is fucking over i'm going home this podcast features neve from catfish which has never really been more up our alley when you think about all the fucked up things we talk about in relationships and hookup culture and online dating and picking up people and pick up game and pick up lines and all that shit we've been talking about. Catfish is, you know, the worst of that culture.

It's like the darkest thing that society does where we just pretend and we ruin people's lives for some sort of personal satisfaction of internet, you know? Funsies. Yeah, funsies. It's just shit. Neve was funny when he was talking about how he's like professional empathy haver god damn that sounds like a tough ass job the worst I got none of that

you're either the nicest guy or the best actor in the world so we got Neve on the program we will get into our voicemails but first I need to talk about a new show that is near and dear to my heart much like my Reeboks are near and dear to my heart I'm rocking the Reeboks are near and dear to my heart.

I'm rocking the Reebok Aztrex these days. So am I. I am rocking them right now. I have changed my tune on the dad shoe trend specifically because of these. How come? Because I like them. They're the only dad shoes so far that I haven't found to be stupidly chunky. No, these are perfect.

Yeah, like there's enough. You know, it's got the chunk sole. I got to clean them. I got to wear them so much. Yeah, it's got that suede. You got to be careful of that. But the suede is so nice. It's kind of cut both ways.

It's like you know that someone steps on your suede. It's like, ah. But when it's looking fresh, it's got that extra something to it. They come in nine different colorways. So they got it in, you know, the more casual, like black and white, which you're rocking. They got it in like the teal and black and orange. They got something for everyone.

The 90s throwback, which is a huge play for our crowd, the nostalgic crowd, the 90s crowd. That's basically all our listeners. You want to throw it back and get involved in that Reebok 90s game. The Aztrex are for you. Eight bold colorways.

And right now, when you use the promo code BARSTOOL, you can get $25 off a future purchase of $50 or more. So I recommend, here's what you're going to do. Get yourself the Aztrex, use the code BARSTOOL, then go back in, buy yourself the classics with the gum bottoms, white on

white with the gum, and you get $25 off of those. You'll get those for like probably 50 bucks total. I think it was like 75, 80 bucks, whatever it is. $25 off. So now you have yourself the new Aztrex, which are like the new old thing, because it's a throwback. And you got yourself the Classics, which are

a classic. Can never go wrong with them. So the Aztrex for 80 bucks, 25 off the Classics, and you got yourself two new pairs of kicks. That's some good shopping you just did there. I'll take care of you. I's some good shopping you just did there. I'll take care of you. I'll take care of you so bad.

Fucking Reebok.com. Promo code Barstool. Schitt's Creek is running my life right now. It is a goddamn delight. If you are not on Schitt's Creek, I'm about to change your life. And I say this very much admitting I am super late to the party. They're on season four. But you're not, though. It's just kind of

popping right now, I feel like. Yeah, I think Netflix just picked it up. Oh, right. Oh, yeah. So that's the thing. It was on Canadian TV. It's on Pop Network. I don't know what that is. So now it's on Netflix. You got four seasons to binge. They're only 30 minute episodes.

So it makes it super bingeable. I will also say that if you are so inclined, it's not you. You know, you can kind of like be on your phone. You know, if somebody interrupts you, you don't really have to go back and rewind. It's a very easy watch. But there is so much good, subtle humor that I would recommend not missing a single fucking word, because it's that funny.

I never thought the day would come that I saw a show that I think compares to Arrested Development on terms of the clever writing and delivery. Schitt's Creek does that. Wow. I have absolutely no problem. I adore Schitt's Creek, but that is quite a statement.

No problem putting it on that level. Now, to be clear, Arrested Development is still king. But if you want to talk about dynamic, ridiculous characters and writing that fits them so perfectly and little subtle, clever jokes, nonverbal acting, ridiculous plot lines. The nonverbal acting is... The best there is. It is, yeah. I'll say that's better than Arrested Development. The plot is so utterly ridiculous, but you just kind of find yourself,

it's so funny that you just go with it, very much like Arrested Development. It is, in a lot of ways, it's similar. It's like a loud, obnoxiously rich family who's kind of been, like, knocked down several pegs and daniel levy dan levy is he might be the funniest guy in the world he might be the funniest person on the planet he's so fucking i could i could watch him just do anything i don't even i don't think he's acting too much eyebrows he's just like him no i know that's what's funny that's what i got it we got to get him in here just so I can ask him

and interact with him and be like, are you like David or is this an act or what? Because either way, I'm impressed. Either you're acting and it's phenomenal or you're like that and you're awesome. The outfits he wears. Fire. Yeah, you would. I think

they're funny. You would just wear them. It's Eugene Levy, the guy from American Pie, most famously, and a million other things with the eyebrows. He's the dad. Daniel Levy is his son in real life. They play father and son on the show. And the mom from Home Alone plays Moira, who is much like a Lucille Bluth type of vibe.

Rich people stuck in like a country bumpkin town. It is relentlessly funny. Every single word is perfect. Every minute I'm laughing. I watched it probably a month ago or so I got in on it, and then just following your tweets through it and how much you're enjoying it now. I went back and I'm just watching it again.

It's so good. I can't co-sign it hard enough. Speaking of the mother from Home Alone, I watched Home Alone this weekend. As did I. As do I do every weekend in December. I never realized that at no point does he, Kevin, recognize the fact that he didn't make his family disappear. You know, I think he went on living with that guilt. I think he just actually thinks he made them disappear temporarily.

He never gets a call like, hey, the family's in Paris. We'll be home soon. Nope. That entire movie, when watched through that lens of like, oh, this little boy thinks he's a magician who made his family disappear. It's darker. Oh, the whole movie's dark, my friend. This kid legitimately just thinks he's alone in the world. Yeah.

Almost getting his fingers eaten off by home invaders. I mean, that whole show. Think about that movie. It's so realistic in the sense that it's a little eight-year-old boy who's afraid of the furnace down in the basement. Which terrified me as a kid. Oh, of course it did. That's the most accurate thing in the world. It still scares

me now. I go into my basement and something was making a weird noise. I run as fast as I can. I used to always run out of the basement. Definitely. If you don't run out of your basement, you're goddamn hero i feel like the rock runs out of his basement if it's dark i'm running okay i'm afraid of the dark flat out yeah if you're not you're a liar if you say that you're it's the most human thing to be like i can't see what's going on i'm out and if there's a noise that means there's something there with you. Run. So he's afraid of the furnace. That little boy. That's the level of brave we're talking.

He now has to fight two grown men while dealing with the guilt of making his family disappear from existence. But isn't that weird though because he's like, this is my home. I have to defend it. No, you don't. If it's your home and you feel like your family is my home, I have to defend it. No, you don't. Like, if it's your home and you feel like your family is coming back, you could just let them have that house. But if you think you just Thanos-snapped your family off the planet, you'd be like, I'll just go to a neighbor's house. Yeah, that's true.

It's like, yeah, go ahead, steal my fucking silverware. I have survivor's guilt. Relax. This is the least of my problems. I have to go find my family. Yeah, right. Or I got to move on without them because I. Right. Or, or I gotta, you know, move on without them.

Cause they're, I just fucking Marty McFly. They disappeared, gone from the picture. It's the, uh, you know, there's layers to that movie.

It's gonna, it's an onion. You think it's just a funny, like slapstick comedy. Oh no, no, no, no.

We're talking about survivor's guilt and the, and the, the harrowing tale of a young man, a young orphan who has to fight not only his inner demons, but two home invaders. Well, his family couldn't even let the fucking voicemail for him? There's a dancing machine. Yeah.

Didn't the phone lines get knocked out? Yeah, the phone lines were knocked out. Duh. Idiot. But I think- At some point, there's a phone ring. Home Alone might be the most realistic movie of all time. They always try to put these plot holes in it.

It's like, well, what about this? Or what about that? Listen, it was a pre-9-11 world. All that shit can be explained perfectly fine. It's the greatest film of all time. And let me just, by the way, while we're on this topic, let's just discuss Christmas movies real quick. Because it's come to a head.

I mean, it's been going on for years now. But the discussion of what is and is not a Christmas movie kicked off by John's ridiculous take on Elf. It doesn't feel like Christmas. It puts the emphasis on the movie is on the comedy. That is absolutely insanely incorrect. You could make that argument about many movies. You picked the worst one.

It's a fucking elf born at Santa's workshop. Yeah, but that's one scene. No, the whole movie is about-uh. It's a fucking elf born at Santa's workshop. Yeah, but that's one scene. No, the whole movie is about... First of all, he's not an elf. He's a human. He was born amongst elves in Santa's workshop in the North Pole, and all the whole movie is about is how he knows Santa. All of the memorable parts of that movie are the comedy parts.

I forgot how it ended with this. What is it, like Christmas? They're seeing... Yes, they spread Christmas cheer. They save Christmas because there's not enough cheer in the cheer-o-meter to fly Santa's sleigh. So they save the entire planet by singing a Christmas carol. Any part of that movie that's memorable is a funny part. Based on Christmas.

Not a Christmas part. A funny part. That is crazy talk. It's you sit on the throne of lies and all that. Yeah, while he's talking about who knows Santa. Yeah, that's fine. The throne of lies is a guy talking about who knows Santa, and he's saying I know him personally because he's from the North Pole.

I'm not trying to convince anyone of this one. You shouldn't be because not a person in the world would agree with you. I'm just explaining my feelings. I have never seen someone put out a take on the internet that literally nobody agrees with. Oh, I've heard. Zero people agree with that. A very good amount of people agree with that. That is incorrect.

I mean, you can go back to my mentions if you want. I cannot even believe that there's one person who says that Elf is not about Christmas. I had a lot of people saying, thank God someone finally said it. It's not even, I just don't like it. I don't think it's that good a movie. If you have people in your mentions saying you don't like it, fine. Incorrect, but fine. There is not a single person who believes it's not don't think it's that good a movie. If you have people in your mentions saying you don't like it, fine. Incorrect, but fine. There is not a single person who believes it's not about Christmas.

It's a Christmas movie. This is a problem, too, where people just take it black and white. I fully acknowledge it's a Christmas movie. I think it just, for me, it just has, like, the feeling of it is different. And almost everyone I talk to is like, yeah, you're right. It is about the humor rather than about, like, the sentimentality of it. It's a Christmas movie. I'm not debating that at all.

What needs to be understood about what is and is not a Christmas movie is that there are just two things that go on, and one of them can be that there are movies that occur during Christmas time, and then there are movies where Christmas is an integral part of the plot. Die Hard does not need Christmas. Yeah, there's the scene where he pretends to be the Christmas mannequin or whatever, right? That's how he gets in the building or some shit like that. And if it wasn't Christmas time, even Home Alone.

I will accept the argument that some people say Home Alone is not a Christmas movie, although I think it's much more so than Die Hard. But hey, if you had a kid fighting two burglars in the summer, I think you could get away with that movie. It wouldn't inherently change. If you take Christmas out of a movie and the whole plot changes, it's a Christmas movie. If you can get away with it and the same humor or the same action

or the same plot points are still there, it's not a quote-unquote Christmas movie. Like Gremlins. People are like, well, the Gremlin was a Christmas gift. Well, if it was a birthday gift, the movie would be exactly the fucking same. Never seen Gremlins?

People think Gremlins is a Christmas movie? Hell yeah. Isn't that crazy? Right. It's like, it was just a Christmas gift. If it was a birthday gift, if it was not a gift at all, if it was just like, I found this gremlin, the movie would still move the fuck on with absolutely no problem. Elf, Christmas is weaved into the fabric of it all.

That's fine. Santa Claus weaved into the fabric. Things that are like an action movie or, like I said, even Home Alone, which I think is the best Christmas movie of all time. If you really wanted to argue with me, I would have to concede the point that it is not inherently about Christmas. So you have to just acknowledge that if a movie has the Christmas spirit, like if there's a scene where someone does something like ultra generous or like Scrooge goes from a nasty guy to a nice guy because of the Christmas spirit,

then it's a Christmas movie. If it's just something that occurs during Christmas time, you can't call it a Christmas movie if you want to be a dick about arguing about these things. Voicemails? Sure. They are brought to you by Movement Watches. You want to get yourself a Christmas gift?

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You just buy them and pow. It's ready to be delivered. You're like goddamn Santa Claus. You're like a fucking Santa. It's so huge. Just wrap it up for me. Make it look pretty. I got a present over the weekend.

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Let's do these voicemails, and then we'll talk to Neve. Hey, KFC, fight the Reducer BC. Second time, long time? Anyway, so I'm back on the Tinder game. It is awful, obviously. But I got a message from this dude. He's like, hey's like hey I was like hey how are you

he said sipping a fireball martini and that just like threw me and then he of course like after that was super weird too but I just like cannot get past the fireball martini like what goes into that what on earth so my question for you is, what's the grossest drink you could ever imagine ordering at a bar? I'm pretty sure that's top five at least. But anyway, let me know what you think. I'm a huge proponent of drink whatever you want whenever you want. I think I would judge you if you drank a Fireball Martini. Without question.

That is some white trash shit right there. When I saw this, because we kind of tweeted out the voicemails earlier today at KFC Radio, when I saw this voicemail titled Fireball Martini, I said, I hope to God it's a martini that's on fire. Because that is- The only acceptable guy. I would rather drink one that is real fire than actual- Yeah, I would rather consume a gobble at a fire than drink a fireball martini.

Just sipping on it like, oh. I can't even. There's nothing in the I'm never like one of those girls like, oh my god, I can't do tequila anymore. It was just like, college was crazy. And I can't do fireball. I can't.

I can't smell fireball. I can't smell fireball. Honestly, there needs to be like a 30 for 30 on Fireball. Like that phenomenon changed the world of drinking for a solid, I don't know, couple years. Yeah, five years I'd say. Five years. I mean, it was. I mean, I think it still goes on.

Yeah, no doubt. No doubt. But like when it first hit on the scene or actually like when the world first caught on to it because I know it was like popping in Nashville for a long time before it hit the rest of the world. I mean, it changed drinking. It was like they just changed the name of it, too. What was it?

It was just my my dad's friend used to always drink. He used to give me sips of it in the ski lift when I was like 12. But it was like called like Dr. McGillicuddy's cinnamon something. Got it. Got it. Got it. Yeah. Right.

Right. I mean, it was just a little less alcoholic, like a little less proof. And they served it chilled, like automatically came default chilled usually. And girls could drink it and guys could drink it. And you didn't have to worry about like a warm shot of whiskey making you want to puke. It just drinking became easier, except for the fact that you also had like a stomach of syrup. I can smell it right now and I'm dying. Because it was that much going on.

You drank it that often and that frequently and that much at a time. It definitely changed the world. The thought of sipping on it is crazy. I can't. I could not date you after this. If I found out that you... That's your deal breaker.

Honest to God, if your dad was Grand Wizard of the KKK, we'd probably have a better chance of figuring it out than if you fucking drink Fireball martinis. I think just think of it. You know what? If you're drinking Fireball martinis, your dad probably is the head of the KKK. Like, you probably are from that kind of piece of shit family. But if you just imagine shaking it up and you pour it into the martini glass and you're sipping it all like slowly and like, you know, high society like pinkies up fireball martini. If I if I order this, I want the bartender to break the martini glass in half and stab me in the neck.

And that's what they should do to everybody. They should come out. They should splash you in the face with it and then fucking glass you. Go off, King. Go off, King. Tell him. Tell him. This is such a hard, impossible question because you just gave me the greatest answer

like what's something the most disgusting thing in order to drink it's a fireball martini there's no close second what about like a rumplemints martini no fine it's just the fireball just the stigma surrounding fireball

what it is you know what I think is a ridiculous thing I was making fun of Karabas for this a know what I think is a ridiculous thing? I was making fun of Karabas for this. A white Russian. I think if you word about it in a social setting, you're an asshole. I had a couple of buddies get in this weekend. Not like a crowded bar?

No, fucked up at all. I'm saying if you're at a party bar and it's loud, the bartender's like, what do you want? You're like, two white Russians. But white Russians are easy to make, though. It's just like milk and vodka. And some chocolate syrup. It's so disgusting. It's not hard to make though. It's just like milk and vodka. It's so disgusting. It's not hard to make. I wasn't even really sure what was in them but I watched the guy make them this weekend.

Bang bang one shake here you go. Long Island iced teas are absurd. Those are silly. That's ridiculous. Yeah you're a piece of shit. Every single alcohol. It's not like a pussy drink or anything. It's just like you are probably like an Italian asshole.

Right. You probably like maybe you were cool in like the early 90s, late 80s. You're like a Wall Street trader in the 80s. Now you're old and you're trying to hold on to your glory days and order LITs. And it's just like, oh, now you're a fucking dick. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of them I see, I would be like, what the fuck's wrong with you?

I don't think there's anything. I guess it's one of those things I'll know when I hear it because I don't associate with people who drink these kind of things. When Nate gets a Bloody Mary late at night, I want to kill him. Yeah. That's because it's Nate, though. If you did that, I'd be like, it's quirky. It's funny. Nate does it. It's like, I hope that you choke on that and die um what do you think of the fish

bowls those are like those are fun those are novelties you know it's like a bachelorette party if you're just like let me the three of us go to brother jimmy's and get a fish bowl right now we should kill ourselves but if it's like a bachelorette party or a party of some celebration some shit calhoun doesn. Calhoun, yeah. Calhoun, you got to get a scorpion bowl. Yeah. But yeah, the, you know, we do. What about those long, like the three foot, two foot drinks on like the strip?

Like it's, it's like those small, skinny. Bourbon Street? Yeah. Well, yeah, they do have a Bourbon Street. Yeah. Those are all you get. You drink them in the heat. When in Rome.

Fishbowl, Hagrid, yeah. In the environment. The, We do, with an asshole drink, we do, this little weekend I just got back from, we do bowls of wine.

Like a cereal bowl? Yeah, we just do cereal bowls of wine for breakfast. It's real fun. Do you sip it? Yep. Like a cup?

Yeah. Okay. Was there like a... I think that could catch on. If there was a bar in New York that served bowls of wine, I just feel like that would be a trendy thing. That's a KC Radio thing. That's it.

Put our stamp on it. Bowls of wine? Oh, I'll tell you what. I tried to get people to do the karaoke last week, but I was like, that's way too embarrassing. People are not going to do it. This weekend, tonight, everybody do a bowl of wine. We're going to have so many bitches drinking bowls of wine.

It was. Oh, yeah. We're going to have girls just... We're going to have girls just... We're going to have so many bitches drinking bowls of wine. It was. Oh, yeah. We're going to have girls just make us some bowls. Yo. Like a ceramic bowl for cereal? Yeah. Okay.

Definitely going to do this. I would even maybe say that people should get the spoon out and just kind of spoon it in. It's almost like you're a cat drinking like a saucer of milk, except it's wine. It was just born out of one morning we woke up and we didn't have any clean glasses. That's what I was going to say. So we just put them in bowls of cereal. I knew that had to be the nexus of this.

We've probably done this Vineyard Weekend five years now, something like that. I think every Saturday morning we just do bowls of wine. Okay. Is a bowl like a glass? It's got to be more than that. It's like two glasses and you have like one bowl? It's like a half a bottle, right? It's a good deal of wine.

It's a healthy pour. Yeah. No, you get pretty drunk right away. You wake up Saturday morning, you have a bowl of wine. You're in for a day. Bowl of wine. We just stumbled upon this. This is going to be like marketing sensation.

Everybody do a bowl of wine this weekend. We need to find like a bar that will do this for us. Maybe Ainsworth, we can host a party. This is where like Saloon and Tin Lizzy used to be great because they would just have bowls stacked up to the fucking ceiling right now. They'd be like, bowl of wine special, $3. That doesn't make any sense. Don't worry about it.

Everyone's drinking all of our wine in bowl form. It's so weird. We're all just sitting around TV, like, watching Home Alone. Just... I love it. Red or white? Red. Come on.

You got a big, big red wine mouth after doing a bowl of it. That's like in Indiana Jones when they pick the right cup, and it's actually just like a wooden fucking saucer. That's basically what we're doing here. We're taking it back to Jesus time. A big bowl. You eat out of it. You drink out of it. It's the wooden fucking saucer. That's basically what we're doing here. We're taking it back to Jesus time. A big bowl. You eat out of it. You drink out of it. It's the most versatile thing ever. That's right. Bowl of wine.

Hey, it's Connor from New York. Love the show. Eventually, we just need to package and market a bowl of wine. It used to come in a bottle with a cork. Now it's just going to come with a seal over the top and you can just peel it back and you just drink it. It's a to-go cup It used to come in a bottle with a cork. Now it's just going to come with a seal over the top. You can just peel it back and you just drink it.

It's a to-go cup, a to-go bowl. Because boxed wine used to be like, this is really cheap. Now you can get a decent boxed wine. Just do it in a bowl. Put it in the cans and shit. It's going to look like a cup of noodles. Yeah, I was just thinking that. Bowl noodle, bowl wine. Done. Continue. Any morning wine?

I'm between Interstellar and Mad Max. My question for you guys is, would you rather live in an apocalyptic Mad Max kind of world or be the first of like a hundred settlers to some new planet because we fucked up Earth real bad? I figure so. This is a decent question. Like using your phone and shit, but like there's no sports going on.

So there's not really much to go on about Twitter. If you're in a nice, comfy planet, and about every year, a hundred new people come. On the apocalypse, to make it a little better, you're in charge of a clan or something, or your own little kingdom, maybe the Barstool Network after you kill Dave in the Anarchy. So that kind of makes that one a little bit nicer

because you kind of charge and shit, but there's no water or whatever. Hang on, are you like holding the bolt? You're like mingling around? It's just like a regular party. You hold it one hand? You have to hold it two hands? I hold it one hand, sometimes just holding two hands.

I'm fascinated by this. It's not like a party. I would put it down. It's like 10 in the morning. We're not boring. We're in sweatpants hanging out by a fire watching a movie. I picture it like a cocktail party.

I think this could work in every situation. Sounds delightful. Sweatpants by the fire, drinking a bowl of wine. Oh, man. Yeah, it's great. It's the best weekend every year. Hands down, my favorite weekend of every single year is the weekend.

The bowl of wine weekend. Wow. Well, I'd be drinking a bowl of wine if I was an interseller. I'd be drinking a bowl of wine if I was in Apocalyptic Mad Max. I think this is an easy question. I'm not exactly the most adventurous type, but if I'm choosing between a horrific, barren

wasteland of murder and intimidation in Mad Max versus getting to be at least for my own satisfaction, like, hey, I'm a new settler exploring the final frontier, I'm taking the interstellar exploration life. Yeah, there are statues built to you.

Right, right. And also- You're the founding father of Mars and shit like that. I'm for sure, like I guarantee the first hundred settlers, it's like a big time summer camp vibe and everybody fucks each other. Yeah, oh yeah. Now, wait a minute. Didn't you guys pick the opposite of this when you said, would you rather be the first

thousand to Mars or the last thousand all the way? Apocalyptic Mad Max is different than like I'm just. You don't think when you're the last thousand people on Earth, it's going to be. Well, that's why, A, I picked. First of all, I picked the first settlers. So I'm sticking. I'm sticking to my guns here. You're right.

It would be. I'm always just looking to relax. I feel like the last hundred people on Earth, much more relaxing than like a war for water. That's. Yeah. I mean, by the way, he just throws that in at the end, and there's no water. It's like, well, everyone dies in 24 hours. By the way, the number one

life force is just not present anymore. I think that you get to like, if I was in Interstellar, the minute that we had that little 25 second mishap, which set us back 80 years on Earth. Remember that? I never saw that. Wow. I love Interstellar really i think it's one

of them yeah people those people are assholes i think that the bar was set exceptionally high and so people like if it wasn't the absolute perfect movie i think it is awesome i think they just didn't tie it up enough at the end for the masses i liked it too but i feel like it was just a little weird at the end i thought it had a pretty uh you know i thought i thought it was just a little weird at the end. I thought it had a pretty, you know, I thought it was great all around. I thought the ending was pretty like we know, we get it, like I, you know, without completely showing you everything. I'll have to check it out. It's really good.

I have to make that thought on deck, but. Talk about opposite ends of the spectrum. One is very thoughtful, the other one is interstellar. But I, point being, if I was ever, you know, the first settler and then like things went a little bit wrong, I'd be like, all right,

let's just like, fuck that. We're dead. You know, like let's just, let's just drink bowls of wine and have sex until we're dead. You say settler funny. What'd I say?

You say settler. You say settler. What do you say? Settler. Settler. Settler. I'm right. You're wrong.

Settler. Settler. Settler. Settler. You guys add that extra fucking syllable in there, I'm all about E's. Settler. You know how many seconds of your life you guys waste throwing in that extra syllable? Settler.

Settler. Settler's a funny way to say it. How now, brown cow? When you just think of words that are funny, just like spatula. Spatula's a good one, yeah. Spatula. Zamboni. Zamboni's a fun one.

Hey, Cave Theme Fights. I have a question about Facebook and my friend group. So I live in like a medium city with small town vibes. Just say it. Everyone I went to high school with is still friends and everyone is still close. So all of my girlfriends send like meeting, not meeting invites, like event invites via Facebook. But I'm not on Facebook because I never felt the need to connect with the people I grew up with because we still live in the same town. So I get left out of all of these, like, parties. And every time they go hang out, like, go watch football on Sundays, I get left out of it.

And my question is, am I the asshole because I'm not on Facebook or are they the assholes because they're still sending messages on Facebook to hang out with everyone? Like very easy. Facebook now, like my parents and my grandma, if you use, if you actually use Facebook invites,

you're the asshole. Yeah. Well, yeah think I think. Or is this girl like 60? I haven't. I don't know. The last time I checked with my Facebook. I have not been on it.

I don't know the password. I haven't posted a picture. But I also understand it's kind of just a thing you have to have. So like if, yeah, like, oh, I'm not on Facebook. All right, you're kind of a shithead. Yeah, you can have it. But to use like the invite thing is crazy. It is, but also...

If you went somewhere, and I was like, John, where are you? And you were like, I'm at the restaurant. You didn't check your Facebook invites? Like, John, what? Yeah, no, it's also... Text me. It's very clearly...

They're the assholes. Well, I think everyone's an asshole here, but also I don't know how badly her friends want to hang out with her. Because if I just didn't go to any events ever... That is a much more logical thing. My friends would be like, dude, why don't you... They'd be like, yo, by the way, we know you're not on Facebook. Why don't you come to the bar on Sunday?

Especially if you're not even on it. If you just don't use Facebook a lot... Oh, I was going to take it a step further and when you get caught that you have planned an event, you're like, oh, we sent out a Facebook invite. Oh, that could be true. I almost think it's an excuse. Like, we planned this behind your back.

You found out about it. We invite you on Facebook. Yeah. I think everyone's an ass, but I think if my friends really wanted to hang out with me, they would text me. They would say, hey, we're going, you know, we have this party. Did you check your paperless post?

Check your Evite? I even, I Evited you. It's like, you should just tell me. No, that's, that's, that's silly and rude of the friends. If we could even call them friends at all. What up, KFC Fidelberg Superduser BC

it's your boy Spaghetti Arms calling to get some advice from you guys so my brother has been talking to this girl I love that I'll be honest

I'm a little disappointed that in the past seven years we haven't gotten more of that I need people to be like yo what up it's your boy

like horseshoe feet I need that I am not co-signing this yeah oh yeah are you spaghetti arms what's up it's spaghetti arms that's that's what we're doing it's your boy spaghetti arms it's your boy fucking spaghetti arms i like it this fucking place set into my ears your boy spaghetti arms let's get it going what What the fuck? So my brother started bringing me along to hook me up with a friend. Little background, it's been two years since I have done anything

with a female. Very sad. Not surprising. You call yourself spaghetti arms. I'm a friend. I'm game. I meet this girl. Not ugly, but not attractive if you guys get that vote. And we spent two weekends together so far, and I currently just want to punch her in the face.

Totally just pisses me off. Not an enjoyable person at all. However, my brother and this girl are still hanging out. This other girl that they're trying to hook me up with will always be around. So I will be seeing a lot of her. So my question is, should I just swallow my pride and say, fuck it and go for it? Or do I just keep hating my life and be there to make things better for my brother and not go for it? Spaghetti arms.

You guys, let me know what you think, and I look forward to hearing your advice. Well, fucking spaghetti arms. Are you kidding me right now? You've hung out with this girl for three hours, and you're like, should I just call to life and marry her? I don't know. I hate her guts.

What are we talking about here, spaghetti arms? Hey, guys, I got a question for you. There's this person. I really don't enjoy her company at all. Should I keep hanging out with her? No, but listen, he's trying to be the best wingman maybe ever for his brother. No, no, wingman lasts the night. The night to the door.

Wingman doesn't even last to a new bar. That's a great rule. Wingman, he stops at the bar door. That's a great rule. The fucking, like, I mean, I guess if it's like, will you come back to the place with us? I guess I'll go back to the, I won't go to another bar. I will go back to the house.

Right, okay, that's fair. Or go back to an apartment or hotel, wherever it may be. But, like, I mean, I'm not hanging out with this girl I hate next weekend again. Are you fucking kidding me? So it's been twice now, and I don't know. So just keep seeing her. What do you mean? Should you get in a relationship with this person you hate?

No. Well, yeah. First of all, it was very funny the way he said, next weekend? Again? But he has not done anything with a chick in two years. Beggars can't be choosers. I mean, at this point, you can fucking be a chooser. Yeah, I mean, someone, you're asking for some change and someone

is handing you a cup of shit. You can go, look, I'm good, man. I'm good. I think if you if you have two-year drought, this girl How does that even happen? How do you not just fall into pussy accidentally in two years? I think it's because he has

spaghetti arms. Wear a fucking sweatshirt and spaghetti arms. Are you kidding me? I love the way he's been saying are you kidding me like 20 times. It's so true. If you have a two year drought and this girl is showing interest. I don't know what else to say.

And then it's also going to benefit your brother. Fuck my brother. Fuck my brother and his stupid girl and this fucking bitch. Fuck all these people. Are you kidding? I can't stop saying that. Are you kidding me,

spaghetti arms? This is insanity. I can't believe anything that just happened to that boy. I can't believe he hasn't fucked in two years.

Not even fucked. He hasn't done anything with a female. He might not have had a conversation with a woman in the last two goddamn fucking years. Not even fucked. He hasn't done anything with a female. He might not have had a conversation with a woman in the last two goddamn fucking years. And he's got to hang out with this girl every weekend. SpaghettiArts are going to call us back in six

months. Should I move in with this chick I hate? I don't know. She's like she's a real piece of shit. I hate everything about her, but I don't know. My brother likes her friend. The fuck does that have to do with anything, bro? This is crazy. I need an are you kidding meter on a video.

Are you kidding me, Spaghetti Arms? I need that on a t-shirt. Are you kidding me, Spaghetti Arms? I mean, I think you have your answer, Spaghetti-O. I think you got it, bro. Spaghetti Arms, if you think about seeing this girl one more time, go jump up a fucking building instead. Last Voice of the Day is brought to you by SimpliSafe.

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Hey, what's going on guys? So last two weeks ago, Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, I went to my 10-year high school reunion. First thing right off the bat when I walk up, I run into a couple friends that I see. And one of them compliments me and says every time they see whatever I post on Instagram or the story, they crack up. They say it's hilarious. I think I'm pretty funny on there to my 75 followers. This guy sucks.

So that was a nice little boost. Then I get in there and I start talking to him. This guy basically takes us to his entire reunion. Then I get in there and I start talking to a guy that I knew. And he wasn't out of the closet in high school, but he's out now. And he's very out now. And according to my wife, he was just, you know, head over heels for me. So I've got men and women alike thinking I'm attractive. They're telling me I'm funny.

My life was very pretty that night. But then the real thing was later, I see my ex-girlfriend from high school, who I'm not even really on bad terms with. But she's hammered drunk. And she's very clearly having a distressed evening for whatever reason. And I'm going oh shit I it'd be weird if I don't kind of say hi but I'm just gonna kind of get in get out and whatever it's like over here are you I'm good I'm really good oh she way was not you know okay so I get away from that and later in the

evening I wake up and I see that my old girlfriend was liking my old Instagram post that like 4 or 5 in the morning so I feel like I really won the evening, I wake up and I see that my old girlfriend was liking my old Instagram post at like 4 or 5 in the morning. So I feel like I really won the evening. I kind of been riding that high for the last couple weeks. And I was wondering, it's around that time for reunions and stuff like that. What would you guys consider winning? What's going too far? And what is the appropriate, you know, customary action?

Boy, is this guy not a winner. I mean, I get what he's saying. I do, but I think what he just described is not like... What, if chicks want to fuck you and guys want to fuck you? That's kind of winning the evening. I guess so. I mean, I don't know. The way he called up was like,

I guarantee that people don't like that dude. I missed the first part of it, to be honest. He's like, I think I'm so funny on Instagram. And there was this guy who liked me. Oh, no! I missed that part. Yeah, he said, I'm super funny to my 75 followers. Like, no, you're not, dude.

There's nothing worse than the fucking person who thinks they're funny on Instagram or Facebook or Twitter. The worst, man. The worst. I don't even like myself. And I at least have the excuse of, like, well, I got paid to do it. You're just out here, like, crafting your little fucking funny, like, tweets and videos and cracking jokes. I missed that part. You stink.

And, like, going up to that girl who was having a distressed evening. If you say distressed evening, like, nobody likes you. That guy stinks, man. You're telling me that guy, you think that guy won he stinks he might i did again i didn't realize that the uh fate instagram part there's yeah being funny on instagram is uh i i like the person who like tries to be funny on instagram strikes me as the kind of person who's like trying to get you to go to their one-man show or something like that dude i know who you are it's not gonna translate to the stage spaghetti arms probably does that shit

are you kidding me spaghetti arms i saw a tweet the other day that made me think about you this guy got uh it went viral so you might have seen it this guy got a note passed to him like i don't know i'm a wrecking restaurant so it said uh my friend thinks you're cute if you're straight call her up here's her number and if you're cute. If you're straight, call her up. Here's her number. And if you're gay, call me. And then someone quote tweeted and said, NASA would have to retrieve my head from space.

I mean, could you imagine the ego boost if that happened to you? By the way, the guy was not that good looking. I clicked and looked. Certainly not enough to get. I've kept tabs. He's gay. He went on a date with the guy. Nice.

Good for him. I don't think he was good looking enough to be getting unsolicited gay I've kept tabs. He's gay. He went on a date with the guy. Nice. Good for him. I don't think he was good looking enough to be getting unsolicited gay and straight notes. God damn. It's a whole thing. That's a lot. It's a whole thing. The Schitt's Creek love triangle.

So funny. So funny. Did he bang Stevie in the beginning? Yeah. Right. Yeah, he fucked her. And then he's just like all of a sudden like oh I'm also gonna fuck dudes yeah it's pansexual baby

but it's just like not it's never like addressed it's just like I like that though it's just kind of like yeah deal with it yeah yeah fuck everything good for a fucking Dan Levy Danny pour in the storm baby I swim in both ponds I fucking love it Brendan's face

as for this I think winning the reunion is probably I swim in both ponds I fucking love it Brendan's face I was like As for this I think winning the reunion Is probably You don't go And everyone's like Where's John That means you won

Yeah I mean The ultimate is like I'm too important for you Yeah I didn't comment Everyone's missing me I thought so I had a feeling

That would happen Do you think I would win Or lose my reunion right now Probably lose I think so. Probably. But it's one of those things. Well, no.

I mean, like, I guess it's not because, no, you win right now. Well, no. Yeah, you win right now. I don't know. It's interesting. It's like, why is my, like, if I were to just break up with someone, you wouldn't be like, you lose the reunion. No, well, also, like, your reunion, I think the relation. You lose the reunion. No,

well also like, you reunion, I think it's, I think it has nothing to do with anything. I think you're fine. I think you win. Because you're still, you're a serious XM radio host.

Yeah, well, I think professionally I would win. I think personally, people would be looking down at me and I'd be like, fuck you. Um,

yeah, you'd probably be like the divorced dad table. That's a pretty cool table. Pretty sweet table Pretty sweet man I don't know if that Is that in? Is that staying in?

John's pointing at the mic Is this part gonna be in? Yeah let it ride Okay Let's talk to Neve from Catfish Lisa Mattresses I can never tell When we started that show

I didn't know if we were going on still I don't show, I didn't know if we were going on still. I don't know either. I didn't know if we were off that time. All right. You need to get yourself a new mattress as you move into a new place with your family. Lisa Mattresses is the most comfortable way to sleep at night when your mind is racing about how you've ruined your life. It's so comfortable that your life can fall apart and you will still get a good night's sleep. Lisa.com slash barstool.

Nope. Yep. Lisa.com slash barstool. And this says, uh, the copy here says vanity URL. So I thought, I was like,

we got a new code. It's vanity URL. I don't get it. Like it's saying like insert the URL here. They're calling it vanity URL. Oh, but I was like, Lisa.com vanity URL. That's a insert the URL here. They're calling it vanity URL. Oh. But I was like, Lisa.com vanity URL. That's a mouthful.

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And it goes all the way up to the California King, which is what I used to sleep on. Lisa.com slash barstool to get that discount. Neve, let's talk to him. Very special edition of KFC Radio. We are joined live in the flesh in studio by Neve from Catfish. Hey, what's up, guys? You are, well, first of all, let me comment.

You rolled up in here with the motorcycle jacket and the helmet. And I was like, oh, shit, this guy's cool. This guy, he's important. Yeah, well, it's still the best way to get around, oh shit, this guy's cool. This guy is, he's important. Yeah. Well, it's still the best way to get around even though today was definitely too cold. Yeah. I argue rollerblading is better. He's on a rollerblading kick.

I did have a, I don't know what you'd call it, like a validating moment. I was going through traffic on my way here and it was a little tight getting onto the highway and some guy in a white Mercedes S-Class, you know, who drives a white, I mean, whatever, like pulled up right next to me to prevent me from like getting in front of him between the truck. And I was just like, I looked at this guy, I was like, are you kidding me? I'm freezing my ass off here. Yeah.

And you're not going to let me just squeeze through here. So, you know, he didn't. And then I backed up, went around him. And then as I was coming up on his left side, I sort of smacked his mirror and pushed it. Like, I bent it backwards. Get the fuck out of here. I mean, it'll be fine. I didn't break it.

But I inconvenienced him enough to prove my point. Holy shit. You little badass. I was going to say. I mean, I'll be honest. There are times when I'm in the car, though, and I, you know, it's out of jealousy that you're whipping through traffic that I'm kind of like, fuck these guys. Oh, I mean, it's not even just motorcyclists. It's anybody.

When I'm in a car, I'm at war. No one's passing me. It's true. It is. It's a battle. It's a very, very important thing to me. Did he react? He probably did. I didn't look back. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I feel like that's, you know, you were almost on like Worldstar, fucking like a viral video fight. All right, so we're dealing with a badass here, John. Good to know. And you are also, you're a popular guy, man. I remember the first time you came through here. And, you know, a lot of people come through at this point, a lot of different shows and a lot of different guests. But there are certain people where the place starts buzzing, you know? That's nice to hear.

You got the buzz, pal. Yeah, it's funny. Just the other day, I was walking with my wife. It's obviously the holidays in New York. There's a lot of markets and things like that. And we were down on Broadway in Soho, and we walked into, what's not Pottery Barn, but, you know, one of those places to get some ornaments. Home goods?

No, it was Crate and Barrel. Got it. And, you know, the greeter at the door knew me. The person at the desk knew me. And then we were leaving the store, and people were just like, hey, Neve, what's up? And I turned to my wife, and I was like, wow, I'm kind of famous. It doesn't always happen. You just realize it.

No, but like, you know, every day, maybe one or two people. It was like six, seven, like back to back to back. And it just kind of felt nice. Yeah, it feels good. Eventually, it gets too much, but until then... Well, New York is cool because people just say, what's up? They let you go about your business.

Yeah, they're just like, hey, what's up, Nev? Sometimes it's almost too friendly, and I feel bad. Like, oh, I don't know. Is that someone I should... I know? Oh, yeah. There was a guy who came up to us on the street the other day, and he convinced me that I knew him. And I was like, I turned to my brother. I was like, dude, I know.

What's that guy's name? I was like, I don't know. I thought you knew him. Because he was just like, hey, what's up, man? How you been? I'm like, do we go to college together? Yeah, he just stayed with us walking. I was like, you got to go, man.

I thought it was like your college buddy. Oh, this is your brother. No, he's my brother. Oh, you're his brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little family affair. Got it, got it. Now, it's nice to get recognized, and that to you know kind of have validation for your work but your work must be soul crushing isn't it like don't you have like like you're seeing

you're you're you're seeing most people on their worst day of their life yeah like it is they're delivering the worst news it is it is an emotional roller coaster that we we ride and it's what you lived before obviously so you know what they've gone we ride every episode. And it's one you've lived before, obviously. So you know what they've gone through. I did go through it. It's interesting. You know, I went to a lot of therapy as a kid. I grew up in New York City. Crazy family.

I was on ADD medicine. You know, you had to see a therapist back then. Anyway, long story short, I had a cool childhood shrink that I liked because we used to go get pizza and he felt like a friend. And I stopped going to therapy when I was probably 17. I decided a couple years ago I wanted to see this guy again just to check in and maybe see if I could get into the swing of maybe going to therapy again. And I'm sitting there and I'm talking to him and I had to update him.

I was shocked. I kind of thought he would have followed my career or hoped I'd walk in. He'd be like, wow, you've done so well. Like you were a wreck then, but now you're kind of killing it. But he hadn't. So I had to update him. And as I'm talking to him and I'm thinking about it, I realized that I've become really, really good at being there for people when they're emotionally distraught, when they're going through something and engaging with them and turning it on and like really listening and being supportive and empathetic.

But then because that's all contained in the show, when the cameras are rolling and like in this very specific world, when I come home or when I'm not doing the show, sometimes I don't, I don't know how to do that in the real world. Oh yeah. It's like a weird separation. We have our own version of that. I just don't like talking. Yeah. I don't like talking when I that in the real world. Oh, yeah. It's like a weird separation. We have our own version of that. I just don't like talking. Yeah.

I don't like talking when I'm not on the microphone anymore. And I've hung out with friends this summer who I hadn't seen in forever, and they say, when I knew you years ago, every time we were at dinner, you were an entertainer. You were telling stories. Now I'm just a quiet guy. It's very different. You're doing it all day long.

Right. It becomes almost like being a nice guy becomes your job. And it's like I don't want to do my job when I'm off the clock. You're basically a professional shoulder to cry on in a lot of ways, right? God, it's going to get annoying eventually. It's like, all right, shut up. But you also develop this sort of doctor switch, which is like when I'm working, I'm there and I'm all in. But when I stop working, like as much as I care about and still want these people's lives to go well, their lives now go back to being their lives and mine goes back to being mine. You have to be able to sort of separate those two worlds.

Are you surprised by how popular the show is and really like I almost want to call it catfish culture. Like it's a phenomenon on the internet and the show is huge. Did you anticipate that when you got this job? Or were you stunned by it? No. Shocked every step of the way from when the experience happened to going to Sundance with the film.

I wasn't into filmmaking really at the time. I didn't know Sundance was even a big deal. You never watched Entourage? I was going to say. Vinny Case taught me that. I wasn't know Sundance was even a big deal. Obviously then... You never watched Entourage? I was going to say. Vinny Case taught me that, man. Come on. Yeah, no,

I wasn't a big Entourage fan. All right, you're not cool anymore. Sorry. But I am friends with Adrian. All right. Now you're back to being cool. Okay, cool.

If you guys want me, I could put in a good word. Please do, as a matter of fact. Absolutely. Yes. Anyway, so every step of the way,

the fact that it came out in theaters and then we got the show and the show was a hit and then season two, I was like, okay, that's it. There's no way we're at season three. I can't believe this. This is how much longer it's been. So four or five. It's just every time MTV wants more show and people keep watching it, honestly, it blows my mind.

Have you ever wanted to just, because in episodes I've seen, there are so many times where it's just like, how do you not know it's not real? Have you ever wanted to just kind of grab them and scream? Like, dude, just do a reverse Google search. That's a famous Instagram person. Right. So for sure, we've become more comfortable with the kind of easy stuff. Like, look, this is ridiculous.

How have you not done this? But every time I want to say to someone, this is ridiculous, I have to remember that I was them. Right. I was the guy who had the virgin horseback riding girlfriend in Michigan whose little sister was an artist prodigy and whose, like, brother was an – like, I bought the whole thing. I was – you know what I mean? Love is blind, man. You get blinded by this shit. You get drunk, I think. thing i was you know what i mean love is blind man yeah you get you get blinded drunk i think

we've had people who like they were telling us it was uh there the person said they couldn't take pictures because they couldn't facetime because the front camera was broken and all this stuff it's like on the outside looking in it's easy but like it's almost like being in a toxic relationship where you think like like this is it's like you don't understand us out there like the people who are telling me i'm wrong, you don't get me. Like, we have this connection and you don't get it. It's like, it becomes an us against the world thing. That's true.

And also, you know, when we're serving the episodes up, you're getting six months to six years of a relationship in two minutes. Right. So you're not seeing the drip by drip, little by little, day by day text messages and, you know and the background information and the phone calls, and you're just kind of getting the condensed version. That makes sense. But the other thing I always tell people when they say, I can't believe people buy this stuff, I say, do you play the lottery? And nine out of ten times people are like, yeah, every week.

I say, well, what are your chances of winning the lottery? Pretty small, but you still spend $10,, 30, 50 bucks a week or a month. Save that money up. You could do something with it, but the chance, the tiny chance that something amazing could happen to you

is worth it. You know what I mean? You don't think about it in those terms, but when it adds up over years, if you look back and say, hey, in the last 15 years you've spent $17,000

on lottery tickets, you'd probably think you're crazy. But it's that one, that glimmer of hope. I mean, I have like the philosophy that I think almost everything anybody does in life boils down to like wanting a guy or a girl or like a relationship. Yeah, love. And sometimes it's sex, sometimes it's love, sometimes it's support, whatever it may be.

I think like you have your other motives and your other reasons, but all of it, if you boil it down, I think it's like the pursuit of that, why you get a job and try to make money and try to, cause you want to be able to support or impress. I think it all eventually boils down to like trying to get chicks or trying to get a guy or trying to fall in love. And I think that's what makes you be stupid. I think that makes you miss all the signs or do something that's toxic or whatever it may be, because you just have this inherent like desire to want to be loved or to love somebody. I mean, we want to really get into feelings. We can go there. I think a sort of side note to that is what is, what is it about love that people want so badly? And it's

really just someone to, to see you, to hear, see, and feel and care about you. So why I think people are now so willing to kind of trade physical love for virtual love is because what they're getting from these online relationships is essentially someone who wants to listen to them. Someone who pays attention, wakes up in the morning, thinks of them, makes them feel like a person, makes them sort of feel like they matter. And honestly, that's a, some might say, the major part of what a relationship is,

is feeling like you're recognized. And so when we go and make the show, I'm amazed how much people will open up just when you sit down and say, so, what's up? How are you feeling? They want it from you, yeah. They just want someone to listen to them. And that's what I think more than even love

is just this basic human need to be heard. Would you call it attention, though? I'm a slave for retweets. I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is check Twitter. How many times has that tweet I sent before I fell to bed last night? What's that looking like? The one I'm about to send this morning? That's what's so weird is the internet's now put numbers on humans.

It's how important you are. It's fucking tough sometimes. That was better than that. I am better than that. Acknowledge me. Twitter is my girlfriend, and fuck do we hate each other. It's that toxic- ass relationship, man. Just this morning, I saw a tweet that I think is going a little bit viral of this guy posted basically a misconnection.

And it was, you know, to the to the to the girl who was either Yale slash Quinnipiac slash New Haven. It was all like the Connecticut College because they were on Metro North. And he wrote this long thing just being like, you know, I'm in love with you. And like, if it was you, please come find me. And even that is like that guy. He saw someone on the train. I very famously I had a train girl. I famously called it that on my podcast being like, I saw this girl every day on the train and she was the one.

And I loved her. And in my head, I had our whole future planned out never said a word to her never once like mustered up the sorry multiple times i mean we were all we were on the same commute so it was like and you know we almost sit like across from each other and has you figured out who it is yet no never she's gone she's gone she's in the wind i mean i if you're out there girl and then they made a movie about it right the girl on the train yeah she probably was like a crazy murderer or whatever. But, you know, it's like even that is – all you saw was a person on a train.

And in your head you wanted the love and the attention and you could map out this whole relationship. And you did. And that's almost easier. The virtual aspect adds the fact that you can talk to that girl. Yeah. You don't have to – you were scared to talk to her every single day. And whether or not she's real online, but it's still nice to be like,

I'm at least, in my mind, I'm talking to train girl. Yeah. Right. It's all happening up here the same way it can just unfold. If you got a random email

from someone saying, I'm the girl on the train. See, and that's, I guess that's how it all kind of starts, right? It's like, you could catfish the fuck out of me right now.

If you, I mean, cause it's, you could get a picture that kind of looks like her. I think it was a few years ago. It could be her, but not really anymore. She grew up,

she changed, whatever. Um, but so I think to, to be a catfisher or whatever the catfish. Yeah. I mean, you just gotta be the biggest fucking asshole in the world.

I mean, that is some sick, sick shit. You always, I mean, you're good at empathizing even with them. Well, that's the thing, is you want to believe these people are horrible, right? How could you do that? Why would you make up a fake profile and then talk to someone for all this time? But when you meet them, you realize they're not that crazy. In many cases, there's always a couple different sort of foundations for why this happens. One is obviously insecurity, right?

A young person, unhappy, insecure about the way they look, wants to feel what it's like to get attention. They obviously see what, you know, attractive, cool people, you know, how their profiles get more likes and more comments. And everyone's always drooling over them. So they're like, well, what would it feel like to get that attention? And they don't think about the fact that maybe they'll actually meet someone through that profile that they'll start talking to in a meaningful way and then it happens and then they don't realize

how do I tell them now if I tell them that? You're in too deep. I mean, I get that. You kind of just get caught up and it starts out as... Also, I just realized, like, while we're talking shit on catfish, I catfished the fuck out of people when I was, I get that. You kind of just get caught up and it starts out as... I just realized, like, while we're talking shit on catfish, I catfished the fuck out of people when I was, like, 12. I get in those AOL chat rooms

like, what's up? I'm a hot girl from California. You want to be a lesbian with me? Yep, we did that. Don't you laugh like you... I never really got into the chat room. Oh, okay, prude. Get out of town! You never lived. I missed that. I never really got into the chat room. No? Okay, prude. Get out of town.

You never lived. I was in them. You never lived. A little. You never lived. I missed that. Yeah, no, I really did. Me and John were probably talking to each other, pretending to be lesbian scissoring. Right.

But maybe because I wasn't into the AOL chat rooms, I didn't learn my lesson young. And so as a young adult, that's when I got my dose. Found out. It's a tough got my dose. You found out. It's a tough way to go. Right. I'm glad it happened the way it did and not with you guys, though. I mean. Could have been worse.

I don't know, man. Like, I never found out. It was just like I learned. It was never a glass shattering moment while I was in the midst of this romantic tryst with some other lady online. It was like I turned like 17. I was like, wait, that was definitely another 12. Oh, you guys were doing it too? That was definitely a dude.

Yeah. Definitely a guy I was talking to. Like, that was my buddy at town over. A girl I host a radio show with was saying that her and her crew of friends have something they call hat fished, where guys in a hat, like they just bump up two or three points on the scale, and they're like, do I love him, or is it just that he looks guys in a hat, like they just bump up two or three points on the scale and they're like, did I, do I love him? Or is it just that he looks cute in a hat?

Right. And that's a, I think that's a very real phenomenon too. Well, there's also some, see, I've heard, I've seen another version of the hat fishing, which was a guy who posted a picture wearing his hat and then another photo of him without his hat where you realize he's bald. Totally bald. Yeah. Right.

And that's a version of Hatfish. Where would you draw the line? Where would you start to say someone is being a catfish or manipulative? Everybody posts their best self. They paint the picture a little bit differently or make themselves look good.

At what point do you think someone's manipulating or going too far? I think it goes from liar to catfish when you either use a fake photo. What's the photo editing thing everyone uses? Like Photoshop? Facetune? Facetune. So I don't know.

I mean, I think, I don't think you're, I mean, look, obviously if you're talking to someone and they really look a certain way in their pictures and then you meet them and it's like a shockingly different version of that person, I think you could safely call that catfishing. There's also a term I don't particularly – I don't use it. It's a little mean-spirited, but there's a term called an iceberg. You tip and then they're fat sort of thing. Right. You've only seen their face and then things kind of get wider as you go down.

I heard that. I mean, it's mean, but it's good. I probably personally would have called that one fat fish. But okay, iceberg works too. Sure. Yeah, no, iceberg is very apropos. I think that's probably one of the bigger ones. You do just the head angle.

I didn't know it had a name, but I know it. Know your angles. We all do that to some level it's just a matter of you know do you do it too far everybody online's gonna lie a little bit everybody lies it's just a matter of when when you take it too far i guess right yeah um well i i don't know how you how you live in this world now that you are like the face of catfish in a way. Like, does anybody use your face or do you get involved in any sort of catfish type shit? Once in a while, someone will tweet me like a Tinder profile.

Yeah, so we get that a lot. People do that with all of us around here. Yeah, sure. I think that's kind of flattering. I think it's flattering. I don't think it's a good approach either, by the way. I always very publicly say, I would never be on those things just because I would make an ass of myself.

So if you believe it, that's on you. So when people do it to you, is the profile John Feidelberg? No, different. Yeah, so it's just they're using your face. See, I would take that as a compliment. Yeah. Or maybe they're saying, I'll pick someone who's like not that believable someone who's believably unattractive well here's the thing that blows my mind is how many people

when they make fake profiles at least just from making the show will will google like light skin hot dude you know what i mean or it's just like and I've done the search and found the pictures like without even running the photo I've done like it's like that easy hot guy abs and in the on the first page I'll find the picture that the guy was it's like go a little bit a little harder try a little bit more than that so do you think you're like unfoolable on the internet do you know all the tricks and all the I mean, even midway through making the show, like a couple years ago, I don't know if I'd call it catfish,

but I got essentially sort of scammed. Oh, no, Niamh. You can't be having that. We actually made an episode about it, but there was this girl who had a Twitter account. She followed me. She had a lot of followers.

She was always very actively promoting the show, live tweeting. She followed me. She had a lot of followers. She was always very actively promoting the show, live tweeting. She was super supportive. Which is always, that's the way to get to me too. No, but she had like 170,000, she was like a legit account.

So I was like, oh, who is this? This is cool. So I DM'd her. I was like, thanks for supporting the show. And she always was posting like perfect girl content, like tweets that are

very relatable and would get lots of retweets you know about Ellie we have a girl here who's like no but she like you know is emotional stuff about like looking for the like what kind of guy you know just like the stuff like meme perfect memeable tweet content and I don't know if she was coming up with it or if she was taking it from someone whatever

but it was working and I was kind of jealous I was like wow this girl is really good at her Twitter. She's good at engagement, and I hate it. I'm not good at it. So we ended up talking, and she happens to be very cute, and she lives in Vegas, and she works at a club, but she's also getting her law degree. And I was like, wow, this girl is, like, doing it. And she does all this online promoting stuff, and she's like, I could really help you monetize your Twitter. You could sell stuff.

You could be promoting stuff. Why don't you hire me? Oh, boy. Oh, no. But at first she was like, let me show you what I'll do. I'll do a week of tweets for you. You can tell me what you think. I'll send you the tweets before you post them.

She was legit. We had a real conversation. I emailed and introduced her to my business manager to talk about paying. It felt very real. It was real. I mean, it was real. And then she actually did. She sent me a couple of tweets. I posted them. They did well. Anyway, obviously I had to give her a back, like a Twitter login so she could see like my analytics and whatever. Okay. I then one night I'm up late. This was right when my kid was born. And it's 3 in the morning or something.

I'm never up in the middle of the night. And I see a notification on my Twitter. I have a message, a DM. So I go in there and I see that it's from this random dude in Las Vegas. I don't know. I've never seen him before. And it's like a response. It looks like he's responding to something I had said previously.

Like, oh, no, I'm not going to be around that day or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was more to the combo. But there was nothing above that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was more to the combo. But there was nothing above that. Yeah, right, right. So I wrote back. I was like, I don't think I know you. How did you DM me? Because I don't know this guy.

And if, you know, you can't DM unless you follow someone, whatever. So then he wrote back and was like, I thought we were, he just wrote back like we were What are you talking about? We've been talking this whole time, yeah. And then I swiped out of my DMs and I looked him up or something online to see who this guy was.

He's like a local TV reporter in Las Vegas. And then when I went back to my DMs, gone. They were gone. And I realized, holy shit, this girl is in my Twitter using my DMs as me and then clearing in the middle of the night these conversations. What a skunk. Wait.

So then I, like, amazingly, it took me this long, but then I, like, did my deep dive on this girl and found out that she wasn't the girl she said she was. I don't think. Although she did send me a picture of an ID that matched her name. So like, I'm still not honestly sure. I'm still not honestly sure who she is, but there's definitely some controversy swirling around her. I kind of confronted her. I was like, look, I don't know what you're doing, but it looks like you're basically telling people you know me, which you do. And then using me and my Twitter to confirm to them

that you're real when you're not. So something was going on and I have no bad feelings. She was sweet and helpful and supportive and I think wanted to help me, but did definitely do some shady shit with my Twitter. You should have bad feelings. I was going to say that.

She could have done some damage, man. She was sweet. She sent us a baby gift. She was really nice. That's what they do some damage. She sent us like a baby gift. She was like really nice. That's what they do though. You're getting played. Come on. I got, I got catfished by a guy. I got cat kicks to the guy who told me he was going to be like the sneaker plug.

I like sneakers. And this guy came to me and was like, I know all the athletes. I got relationships with every brand. I can get you any sneaker you want. And he did show up one day with one very hard-to-get pair. So I was like, oh, this guy's legit. Showed up in person. Yeah, yeah.

So we met, and he was like, he gave me this whole spiel about what he wants to do for his future and how he can grow. He was like, I'll give you $100,000 in revenue the first year, guaranteed. I was like, probably not, but okay. You brought these pairs. And he was like, any pair you want, let me know. know so i started texting him like can you get me this one and then this one came out give me that one yes yes yes yes like nothing ever showed up and eventually like i start like prying and peeling and eventually he just came clean he was like i can't get any sneakers i just got this one pair for my friend and i thought but that's what's funny about these

people is like there's no end game you know what i mean eventually you're gonna get caught but i guess it's it's not really about that it's just the i always think that kind of stuff when watching like uh either documentaries or shows about the great scammers of history like the madoffs like watching that de niro show i'm like this must be exhausting to keep up this facade it must be like it's just easier to go find love it's just easier to go make your own money yeah it has to be easier it must be just emotionally draining just easier to go find love. It's just easier to go make your own money. It has to be easier. It must be just emotionally draining and just stressful and terrible to have to keep this up. But I guess you kind of get addicted to that much. Right.

Well, and it's always like gambling because he obviously was losing money at a certain point. But he figures, well, maybe I'll get another big investment. I'll make the right choice. And then I can catch – I can kind of fix this. It's not a great picture. You said this season you had a bunch of athletes on? Oh, yeah. Are they getting used?

I'll let you explain. I'm sorry. Sorry. I was just saying, are they getting their picture used? Oh, no, no, no. So for this new season of the show, which started airing last Wednesday and is on now every Wednesday, because my partner for the whole show since it started, Max, has sort of taken a somewhat indefinite leave of absence.

We don't know if or when he'll come back, but he's very busy following his dreams of being a film director and a commercial director. So he's doing that now full time. So while he's gone, we've got guest co-hosts and all kinds. But two, this season are really fun, terrific athletes. One is Swaggy P, a.k.a. Nick Young. Oh, boy. So that was great.

Great stuff. And I'm actually about this week, and I'm about to go shoot with Rashad Jennings. Jennings. Yeah, Rashad Jennings. Swaggy P. No, I know. You could tell me, you know, do you want to interview LeBron James or Swaggy P? I'd be like,

eh, I'd have to think about it. So that was fun, spending a week with that guy. And that episode will be out in a couple weeks. He's had his own little relationship drama, so I'm sure he felt right at home there. Yeah, I mean, you know, a lot of these athletes know what it feels like

to get DMs from people and you don't know if they're real or not. That's why I don't have mine open. I don't have mine open because, first of all, because it's just going to be people saying, fuck you, I hate you. Second of all, because I would fall into the trap. I'm a romantic, Nev. I'm a humongous romantic and I'm just searching for love. And if she happened to fall into my DMs, I'd fall so quickly. Right.

Yeah. I can't even open myself to the trap. I think you should do a guest co-host of like people from the internet who like have emotional issues and talk about them a lot on a podcast, maybe like a duo of sorts who have their own. I mean, I'm just saying, I think we'd be pretty good at it. If I had known you guys were such big fans. I mean, we're certainly fans of the internet and disturbed emotional people. You want to do a couple of voicemails?

Hey, guys. I have a friend who has been a friend with benefits for quite some time now, and all of a sudden he wants to take me to basketball games and go to baseball games and all of these things and I'm just not interested in that. I would very much like to keep things the way that they are. What do I do?

Please help. SOS. Thanks. First, I'll ask you the generic question of do you think that friends with benefits can ever succeed? Well, success with friends with benefits is failure, right? So, yes. Now we're getting philosophical with it. I smoked that one!

Can friends with benefits ever end not messy? I think all relationships have an expiration date, and friends with benefits ones usually have a shorter expiration date. Right. I'm of the school of thought that I think that there should be expiration dates put on relationships. Well, or you should have to renew. Yes.

Like an option to opt in. Yeah. Right. When you start a relationship, it's like, all right, let's do this for a year. And a year, if we're not feeling it, we'll check in. And if it's not going great, we'll check out. And there should be like a date put on it. And if you don't want to opt out.

With marriage too. It should be like five years. Yeah. If it's over, it's over. We said check out. There should be a date put on it. If you opt out, it should be five years. It's over. If you went to the gym and they said, get on this treadmill. You said, for how long? I don't know. We'll figure it out. Fuck that. Or if they said, get on for 15 minutes.

Okay, I'll crush 15 minutes. I'll be present. I'll be here. I'll smoke 15 minutes. I think we'd change the world. Put a date'll smoke 15 minutes. And after that, I'm out. I think we changed the world. Put a date on it. You're not a runner, I guess. You're not a long-distance runner. 15 minutes was high for me.

I was going to go five. I put up 15. You got to do a little bit more cardio. I got to do a little bit of a lot of things. And that's up there. So what would you tell this girl? I think you just got to be straight up. First of all, I'm a little confused. This guy seems to only want to go to professional sports. and that's up there. So what would you tell this girl? I think he's got to be straight up.

First of all, I'm a little confused. This guy seems to only want to go to professional sports. Sporting events, yeah. I mean, is that like his version of the most romantic thing? He's not like asking her to dinner. He just wants to go to games. I think you can be a friend with benefits that goes to a ball game. I almost feel like he's trying to tell her he just wants to be friends.

No, I think he just wants to be friends. He just wants to take her to professional sporting events. That's the least romantic thing you can do. That's interesting. That's an interesting thought. Maybe he just wants to bro out with this girl. And she's misinterpreting it. Yeah, it's not like he's saying, I want to take you to the honeymoon suite on a honeymoon type of vibe.

I just want to go watch like the Mets, man. Yeah. I also think though, I'm bad at understanding why moments are important to people. Like I would ask this girl to a game and it would be nothing to me. I would think like,

whatever. I think you could be friends with benefits and go to a baseball game. Oh yeah, like I don't know. We have sex and we drink together sometimes. I figure you want to go to a game or dinner.

It's not, I'm not trying to make it. I'm the same way with like meeting my parents. I'll take a girl, I'm like seeing, I'll meet my parents week one. I don't game or dinner? It's not, I'm not trying to make it. I'm the same way with like meeting my parents. I'll take a girl I'm like seeing. I'll meet, you meet my parents week one. I don't give a shit. It's like, I don't recognize it as a huge step.

It's just like, yeah, I like my parents. I like you. Like, I don't know. You guys probably like each other. To me, they must just be booty calls though, right? Yeah. Like I think that's what you define as friends with benefits. Like where's the friendship?

We cannot be seen in public because all we do is fuck. Then it's like you have you're not friends. You're like sex. You're just benefits. That's really it. You know, if you're but if you're gonna be friends with benefits, I think you go places a little bit. So if you really can't be seen in public, I guess. Yeah, I think you could probably go straight up to this guy and say, I don't want to do that anymore, though.

Right. Like, I just want to have sex. Literally don't call me after midnight. Or before midnight. Yeah, right. The gremlins. One more. Do you want to do a weird one or another relationship one? Nev, what do you think? Want to get weird with it? Sure, let's go weird. Dangerous. Dangerous answer.

Hey boys, I've got a wish for you. Would you rather every time you sneeze, you change sexes, or you can't tell the difference between apples and babies? We've done this before, right? It was donuts last time. Yeah, donuts. So every time you sneeze, you'd become a girl or a guy, vice versa.

Right. But you look at an apple, you see a baby, or you look at a baby, you see an apple. It's so weird. You gotta think it through because it's like I'm going to take a bite of this apple but I don't eat apples. I hate apples. Worst fruit in the game. I feel like that's I mean it's pretty easy to avoid.

Just don't bite apples? Or babies. I can live without apples in my life. Apples suck. See now the last time we did this a few years ago, it was donuts. I'm a big donut guy. I don't think I can write donuts off. So I think I would have to risk eating a baby every now and then.

I think it's funny. Is the baby size relative to the donut size? That's why I think we've got to be in some sort of magical world here where size and shape don't matter. I'm just going to go ahead and say I'd love to be able to change sexes. I think that would be great. But the thing is, if you needed to get back, you've got to make sure you sneeze. Oh, that's true.

I haven't sneezed in, I don't know, I haven't sneezed in months. I sneezed not 15 minutes ago. You'd be being injured by a woman right now. But it's much like the treadmill. Can you artificially create a sneeze, I guess? Pepper, does that work? I would walk around with pepper in my pocket all the time. I'd be at a football game, long line for the men's room.

A little bump of pepper. What's that guy doing? No, no, I'm just trying to sneeze, guys. Don't worry. I'm just changing sexes real quick while I go to the bathroom because the woman's line is less. What if the only thing that changes was the sex, though? What if you just look like you? Oh, I just get a vagina?

Also fun. I'm down for either one. That works. So this is not even a, like, pick your poison. John's like, this just sounds great to me. I can do this. We might be talking about a bigger issue for you. Your curiosity. You have no idea.

That wasn't even a real voicemail. That was just a plant. All right, man. We appreciate you coming through. So the new season is out or coming out? Wednesday nights tonight. Well, I don't know when this will be. Wednesday nights, 9, 8 central.

And be on the lookout for Swaggy P, a couple new co-hosts, and a lot more catfishing because the world is a sick, sick place. It sure is. Alright, thanks to Neve for sticking around and answering some voicemails. I believe he was wildly uncomfortable while we were doing that, but he was a true champion. I almost wanted to be like, listen, bro, you have seen the

scales of the internet, so don't act like you're listening to these voicemails. It's also a come-toicemails or, you know, that hard for you. It's also a, it's a come to Jesus moment, I guess,

for us. When it's just like, this dude has seen a guy in, I don't know, East Dillon, Texas, pretending to be a woman.

Mm-hmm. And he's still like, he thinks we're weird. And he's like, yeah, these guys are a little fucked up. That's the new tagline kfc radio even neve from catfish thinks these guys are weird that's weird you can't buy you can't get that at wawa uh it's time for kfc radio karaoke it's brought to you by bark box bark box is the most generous thing i do in this world is give a BarkBox to Duncan.

It brings him so much joy and happiness. And it's so easy. Like, Duncan, this is cheap and easy. I don't do any work, and yet you love me for it unconditionally. Dogs. Silly dogs. It's so easy. You can order it right now in one, six, or 12-month plans.

You can get it, I guess, once a, or 12-month plans. You can get it once a year. What's a one-month plan? You just get it for a trial. Just try it for one month. Just do the 12-month because you're going to love it. Your dog's going to love it. It comes with bones, treats, and chew toys with a nice theme. Not only the dog knows the theme.

It's not like Duncan's like, oh, campfire. I get it. Like, oh, look, that's a marshmallow that I'm roasting. And there's like a tent. And he doesn't know, but I know. It's a nice little touch. And keeps your dog very happy. He knows when he sees that box, he starts sniffing and scratching. He loves it.

So I love it, too. Nice and easy to keep your dog happy. Go to BarkBox.com slash KFC. Sure. I don't know. BarkBox.com slash KFC. Sure, I don't know. BarkBox.com slash KFC. When you subscribe to a six or a 12-month plan, you get a free extra month of BarkBox.

Go to BarkBox.com slash KFC now. Get the discount and get your dog the gift of happiness. DJ, drop that beat. Me dad. The Guilty Pleasures playlist is out on Spotify and iTunes. This is my guiltiest pleasure of all time. I don't get guilty about much anymore. This song, though, I'll be honest.

Like, if I was in the car, and I was blasting this, and I walked by, like, a pack of cool black guys, I would very much be embarrassed. If cool black guys saw me jamming out to this, I would turn the music down for sure, and I would put on, like, Nas. But in the shower, by myself, or hanging with my life partner, John Feidelberg, we're going to jam out to C'est La Vie, baby. Let the fun begin. Hey, I'm the wolf today.

Hey, I'll hop, I'll hop, I'll hop, I'll hop, I'll blow you away. Say you won't, say you'll do what I don't. Say you'll choose, say to me, say la vie. Say you will, say you won't, say you'll do what I don't. Say you'll choose, say to me, say la vie. I mean, has there ever been a better song ever? We can't stop. We can't sing. I'll be the queen. And you'll be the king.

Hey, boy. In your tree. Toes down your head. And make a room for me. I got a house with windows and doors. I'll show you. One more time, baby. Super producer BC's had enough